structuredsucc - Tumblr blog

structuredsucc · 8 months

Text

Rejection can be extra painful when you have ADHD. Here's what we know

Rejection is something that everyone experiences throughout many aspects of their lives. Some of us are more sensitive to that rejection than other people, and ADHD'ers are among the groups at highest risk of being particularly sensitive to rejection. This sensitivity can impact every aspect of our lives and harm our self-esteem and self-worth. Let's talk about what it is and what we can do about it.

What is Rejection Sensitivity

Rejection sensitivity is a strong emotional or dysregulating reaction to rejection, perceived rejection, or anticipated rejection. Depending on the person and situation, the resulting emotional distress can take the form of intense sadness, fear, anger, or even physical pain. These emotions may be displayed or acted on, but many people learn to partially or entirely internalize these reactions over time.

While rejection sensitivity is more of a general trait than a symptom or diagnosis, people with ADHD are generally more likely to experience rejection sensitivity. There are a few reasons why this might be the case.

What Causes Rejection Sensitivity

Research has yet to determine the root cause for rejection sensitivity for people with (or without) ADHD. Some theories as to its origins do exist, and the ones that are common among researchers and ADHD'ers themselves include the impact of past experiences of rejection, more general struggles with emotional regulation, or all-or-nothing thinking.

Past Experiences with Rejection

Everyone has experiences with rejection, but people with ADHD often have more experience than most. After all, ADHD has very real impacts on our behaviour, relationships, and emotions. When we struggle to regulate attention, struggle with being on time, struggle to sit still, or struggle to remember important information, for example, we can receive a lot of negative feedback from teachers, parents, or peers. These admonishments for our symptoms and their impacts can also carry social consequences including rejection, ostracism, and isolation.

Repeated experiences with rejection, and especially in childhood, add up over time and can become a sore point that can damage our self-esteem and sense of self-worth. These past experiences can make the possibility that we might be rejected again far more painful or can lead to understanding rejections as confirmation of deep-seeded insecurities. This heightens the emotional toll of failure and rejection and could explain some of the added distress we experience later in life.

Emotional Regulation

A lot of people with ADHD report having bigger, faster emotions than non-ADHD'ers. These big emotions mean that our emotional responses (both internally and externally) are often stronger than our non-ADHD peers, making negative emotions an intense and painful experience. Worse yet, because these feelings are so fast, they can often show up suddenly and seemingly without warning. This short circuits our ability to inhibit our emotional response, making understanding, analyzing, and addressing our emotions more difficult.

Both the size and the speed of emotional responses makes regulating emotions difficult for many ADHD'ers. Without adequate tools to regulate these, negative emotions (such as those caused by rejection) can impact us longer and much more deeply. Since rejection can inspire these particularly strong, fast, and negative emotions, it is possible that sensitivity to rejection might be a result of larger struggles with emotional regulation for ADHD'ers.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

Due to the executive functioning differences that we experience, people with ADHD are often more susceptible to all-or-nothing thinking, or black-and-white thinking. We may, for example, feel like the only way that we can progress towards our goals is to get everything in our life together right now, or feel like a new hobby or interest should be a substantial part of our identity until suddenly it's not.

In social situations, all-or-nothing thinking can make it feel like the only options are having a rock solid relationship with another person or them never speaking to us again. This makes even relatively small social rejection, including perceived and anticipated rejection, feel incredibly dangerous. After all, if these are the only two options our mind presents and there's evidence that the relationship isn't rock solid, the only other option is painful to consider.

Impacts of Rejection Sensitivity

Regardless of the cause underlying it, rejection sensitivity can have a massive impact on our lives. Feeling intense, painful emotions is incredibly unpleasant, and most people attempt to avoid such pain wherever they can. When even small rejections feel intensely painful, we can start to avoid even the possibility of rejection. This can leave us feeling socially isolated as we avoid social interactions that could lead to rejection, encourage perfectionist behaviour where we don't approach an activity unless we're assured we won't fail or be rejected, or encourage people pleasing behaviour.

These impacts aren't just limited to relationships with our friends, however. These same responses can impact our work, school, and romantic relationships. The prospect of being rejected can prevent us from applying for new jobs, promotions, or academic opportunities. Rejection sensitivity can make it harder to ask for help from professors, colleagues, and supervisors when we need it, and it can make romantic and sexual relationships more painful, and thus harder to approach or navigate.

Internally, rejection sensitivity also does a number to our sense of self-worth. When rejection looms so large on the horizon, it can be easy to forget the times we've had rewarding social interactions or succeeded against all odds. Rejection sensitivity can lead us to view ourselves as a collection of failures and teach us to doubt our abilities and expect to be rejected. Ironically, this ends up reinforcing rejection sensitivity making experiencing it more likely and more painful.

What Can we do About Rejection Sensitivity?

More important than anything else on this list is this: Self-acceptance. Rejection sensitivity is painful enough. It's only made worse if we feel like we're failing or doing something wrong for experiencing it. Being sensitive to rejection can just be a part of us without it being something worth feeling guilty or ashamed of. Simply removing this guilt and shame can go a long way to soothe the pain from rejection sensitivity and reduce its negative impacts.

Emotional Regulation

Beyond self-acceptance, emotional regulation and distress management skills are helpful in navigating the pain of rejection or perceived rejection. The aim of distress management skills is generally to survive overwhelming or potentially dangerous levels of dysregulation and bring us to a place where we can process our emotions. Emotional regulation is the processing of those emotions, where we acknowledge, understand, and investigate our emotions in a way that supports our relationships with ourselves and others. There are a lot of different skills under each of these categories, but some I've found helpful for rejection sensitivity include:

Adding a Pause

Rejection, like other intense emotional experiences, can encourage impulsive behaviours that might not be in our best interest. Controlling impulsivity is particularly difficult for many people with ADHD, so relying on willpower alone usually isn't enough. Instead, adding an activity that slows us down or prevents us from responding impulsively can be helpful here. This can be physical activity, such as intense exercise; distraction, such as a show or game; breathing exercises; or just about anything else. The goal is simply to not respond and give yourself time. Importantly, having a preplanned script or action is often necessary for keeping impulsivity at bay when you have ADHD, so make sure to plan ahead.

Thinking Dialectically

Thinking dialectically is essentially the opposite of all-or-nothing thinking. It involves understanding a situation from multiple perspectives at the same time, or understanding that two things that seem incompatible can be true at the same time. For example, it can be true that I feel rejected by my partner and it can be true that they still love me.

When I was first exposed to this skill, it broke my brain for little while. My initial reaction was that if I'm feeling hurt, the person who hurt me did so on purpose. While this can be true, much more often different people are acting on different information with different goals. This means that people can hurt us without doing so maliciously, for example, or that we can feel rejected without it meaning a catastrophic change to our relationship.

Practicing this skill often means trying to view the situation from the other person's perspective, even when the situation resulted in us feel distressed, rejected, or hurt. One way to develop this skill is to explore explanations other than our most catastrophic fears. Could the rejection have happened because they're feeling tired or socialed out, for example? Or perhaps could I have information that they didn't have?

Medication and Therapy

Because rejection sensitivity can be related to past traumas, emotional regulation, or cognitive distortions, therapists can be a particularly valuable resource for learning to cope with rejection sensitivity. Many therapists have training and experience helping clients unpack traumas, learn emotional regulation skills, and challenge cognitive distortions; however, a therapist with specialist training in working with ADHD clients may have an easier time communicating in a way that takes ADHD into account.

Pharmaceutically, there are also options to support ADHD struggles with emotional regulation and rejection sensitivity. While stimulant medications may be helpful for some people in this regard, non-stimulant options, such as guanfacine, may support these symptoms more directly. As always, speak to your prescribing physician about the options that might be best for you.

Ultimately, rejection sensitivity may not be a diagnosis in its own right, but it is a common experience to many people with ADHD, and can has a destructive impact on our relationships with ourselves and others. No one deserves these destructive impacts. Emotional regulation strategies, such as self-acceptance and thinking dialectically can help, but don't be afraid to call in the professionals.

#adhd #actually adhd #neurodivergent #adult adhd #rejection #rejection sensitivity #rsd #rejection sensitive dysphoria #emotional regulation #self acceptance

4 notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 8 months

Text

Comparison is inevitable, feeling like crap from them doesn't have to be

I've noticed a morbid fascination in neurodivergent spaces with famous or successful people who are, or might be, neurodivergent.

Part of this, I feel, is a desire for role models; people who can validate that we can still be successful while also being neurodivergent. This feeling is correct, of course. You can be successful and be neurodivergent.

However, looking at high-profile people often have other privileges (or just luck) for that validation can set the bar so high that we may never make noticeable progress towards achieving that success. This can be dangerous to self-worth.

At the same time, some neurodivergent people can feel extremely negative about themselves because other, famouser, people have managed to be successful when they haven't. If they also face the same barriers, as the comparison goes, my lack of success must be a failure of my own. This, of course, isn't true, and isn't helpful to self-worth.

For some, this can lead them to focus on these other privileges to the point they deny or explain away the person's neurodivergence as a way to protect their idea of themselves.

This is where a lot of people would add a pithy line about how we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, but I don't think that is even possible. In my opinion, the fascination with famous or successful neurodivergent people is neither good nor bad, but it can have positive OR negative impacts on self-worth.

For me, comparisons are a tool. If they build you up, use them! If they tear you down, let them go.

#adhd #neurodivergent #autistic #adult adhd #comparison #self worth #mental health #privilege

2 notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 9 months

Text

I hate the term 'careless mistake' when related to ADHD because a lack of due care usually isn't the cause.

Usually it's automated processes such as information processing, working memory, or attention regulation that leads to the mistake

If you're looking for ways to prevent 'careless mistakes,' please start by acknowledging you do, in fact, care.

Then let's find the root of the problem and address that. For example, you can set up the information in a way that's easier for you to process (eg. visual vs written)

Changing the way that you have the information is presented, such as going through the first time using words then the second time as visuals is particularly helpful.

Reducing compound items (where three steps are written as one single step) can help too.

Also, everyone normalizes to information, steps, or lists over time, so it is not abnormal, wrong, or bad to have someone else check if you missed something obvious.

If you don't have someone to check, put it down and check it later, especially after a mood shift or a cognitively different task. This can help you to focus on different details.

Combining this with changing the way the information is presented is particularly helpful, imo

#adhd #executive functioning #careless mistakes #attention regulation #inattention #coping strategies

12 notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 9 months

Text

Hitting developmental milestones unusually early is just as much a sign of a neurodevelopmental condition (i.e. autism, ADHD, learning disability, etc.) as hitting them late.

Doubly so if you hit some unusually early and others unusually late

#neurodivergent #neurodevelopmental #learning disability #adhd #autism

16 notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 10 months

Text

So... what exactly are executive functioning supports...?

Planners, checklists, and reminders are definitely executive function supports, but they aren't the only things that are available. ...so, I've made a list of some examples. A thread (🧵)

Executive functioning includes so much, so executive function supports can be SO MANY things. Executive functions include decision making, working memory, task initiation, planning, prioritizing, many forms of self-regulation, and more.

So let's talk in broad categories

Category 1: Decisionmaking

Avoiding a decision altogether,

Choosing randomly,

Reducing the number of options to decide between,

Always doing the same decision (such as having a uniform for yourself),

Outsourcing decisions,

Having outside structure/expectations

Category 2: Working memory

Keeping things visible,

Reminders,

Collaborators who gently remind you of things,

Writing it down (i.e., notebooks, post-its, to-do lists, etc.),

External structure such as lunch hours,

Understanding why and how working memory fails

Category 3: Information processing

Avoiding weak processing areas (eg. reading for dyslexics like me)

Have information in multiple forms,

Make information processing context relevant,

Reduce incoming information or competing demands

Category 4: Task Management

Body doubling,

Transition time,

To-do lists,

Breaking tasks down (including people to help with that),

External structure for identify the next step,

clear, explicit instructions,

Schedules, planners, itineraries.

Category 5: Organization

Mind maps,

Labels,

Notetaking templates,

Physical organizers,

Organizing methods (Kondo, Only 4 Things, etc.),

House cleaners, professional organizer, etc.

Clear bins,

An ability to toggle visibility

Category 6: Cognitive Flexibility

Transition time,

Pre-change warnings,

External support for identifying and reminding the new direction,

Context-based exemplars of similar change,

Visual schedules,

Reminders of when structure will start again

I've listed a lot of things here, but there are just so, so, so many more options.

Executive function supports can be ways that we think or approach situations (internal) or structures imposed on us by others (external). They can be physical tools that we can touch and interact with (tangible) or completely abstract ideas or approaches (intangible)

The big takeaways are that executive function supports can be any tool, structure, or communication that supports any of our executive functions.

Executive functioning struggles are core to the ADHD and autistic experiences (and secondary to other ND conditions). This means executive functioning takes a lot of energy for ADHD and/or autistic people, and the more support we have the more energy we can use for other things

So, yeah, planners, checklists, and reminders are definitely executive function supports, but so is a highschool bell schedule, hobby-related groups, professional services, and colleagues (consensually) harassing you to remember to send that email.

There are a lot of options!

#adhd #executive function #executive functioning #coping #coping strategies #autism #task initiation #decision paralysis #actually autistic #neurodivergent #mental health #executive dysfunction

2K notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 10 months

Text

Understanding the connection between ADHD and burning out… hard

For a lot of ADHD’ers, burnout is a frequent unwelcome companion. This is because being ADHD makes us more susceptible to burnout, it changes what burnout feels like, and what it takes to heal from it. Let's talk about it!...

-Want to talk about it earlier? Join us on Patreon for early access and even more content-

What is burnout?

Burnout is more than just stress or frequent overwhelm. People experiencing burnout don't generally feel like it goes away with short-term rest. Burnout is a state of near constant exhaustion often coupled with a sense of ineffectiveness and negative perceptions of other people. During burnout, our accomplishments can feel hollow and meaningless, and we can experience cynical or even antagonistic thoughts towards clients, peers, or others.

Because we live in a capitalist hellscape, burnout is almost always considered a work-related problem that impacts our ability to ‘be productive.’ But for ADHD'ers, burnout can and does arise from other areas of our lives and wreaks utter havoc on these areas.

Importantly, there's more than one type of burnout. In fact, for ADHD (and autistic people) in particular, there are at least three types that probably feel a little too relevant for comfort:

Overload burnout,

Understimulation burnout, and

Value disconnect burnout.

Overload Burnout

When people think about burnout, overload burnout is often the first thing they think about. This type of burnout arises from taking on too much for too long. This can be too many responsibilities, commitments, and/or tasks with not enough time to recover in between. Put another way, overload burnout comes from chronically spending more energy than we have. To make up for the shortfall on a day-to-day basis, we borrow energy from other systems or from our future self, often at high interest rates. Burnout is that energy debt coming due.

People with ADHD are more susceptible to overload burnout for a bunch of reasons. For example, because many ADHD’ers struggle to instinctively know how long tasks are going to take us, we can greatly underestimate the time needed, leading us to overcommit again and again. As another example, the need for stimulation that a lot of ADHD'ers have can lead to a go-go-go mentality where we act first and plan and prioritise later. This can lead us to take on too much and drive us into overload and burnout in the longer term.

While ADHD symptoms certainly contribute to ADHD’ers susceptibility to burnout, so too can the perceptions of others and our responses to those perceptions. A lifetime of experience with the narrative that our ADHD makes us lazy, flaky, or unmotivated can lead us to feel like we constantly need to prove ourselves or to give up on our own needs to satisfy the needs of others. Combined with the very real need for external sources of accountability that many of us experience, ADHD’ers are much more likely to burn themselves out trying not to upset other people.

Recovering from chronic overload

In order to recover from overload burnout, the primary solution is to do less, and then do less than that. Because overload burnout is the result of chronically spending more energy than we have, the only way to start healing from burnout is to reduce how much energy we’re spending. However, because we’ve been borrowing energy over and over again to make up the shortfall, healing from burnout means we have to pay that energy back, with interest. This is why burnout recovery can take so much time.

This means that to heal from burnout, we often need to reduce our responsibilities and expectations below a sustainable level. During recovery, our expectations of ourselves can’t be to just break even energy wise; instead, we need to make sure we have extra to pay down that debt. Put another way, if we barely have the energy to meet our responsibilities, it’s probably still too hard. Rather, our responsibilities should probably feel downright easy, if not too easy, to ensure we’re actually recovering.

Autistic Burnout

Autistic burnout is important to talk about in relation to ADHD and burnout precisely because ADHD’ers are so much more likely to also be autistic. Much like overload burnout, autistic burnout is primarily caused by spending more energy than we have over a prolonged period of time. What makes autistic burnout unique, however, is that this prolonged overload is primarily a result of being autistic in a neurotypical world. Specifically, navigating, self-regulating, and masking in a world that doesn't take autistic needs into consideration can, by themselves, take more energy than we have. Over the long term, this energy debt can lead to burnout.

Unlike burning out in other ways, however, we can't just stop coping with the world around us. We still need to feed ourselves, care for ourselves, and do all the basic functions of life. More than that, we simply can’t escape the need to process and regulate sensory input. Together, all of this means there’s a large amount of built in energy expenditures in the autistic experience. This hopefully makes it obvious why autistic people are more prone to burnout, why autistic burnout is so incredibly impactful to our lives, and why recovering from autistic burnout is so incredibly difficult.

Recovering from autistic burnout

Similar to overload burnout, the only way to recover from autistic burnout is to reduce our energy expenditures enough that we can pay back the energy we borrowed, with interest. The problem, of course, is that when that energy expenditure is the basics of life, reducing these demands isn't easy and it's not even always possible. This means getting support, using accommodations, and simply not functioning is often essential to recovering from autistic burnout.

As we burnout, even tasks we used to complete (seemingly) effortlessly can become energy intensive. Feeling incompetent as we lose skills and lose pieces of our independence can make us ashamed to reach out for help, but asking for support, such as getting support around energy expensive care tasks, is incredibly valuable. When this support isn’t available, providing ourselves with accommodations that reduce the energy expenditure of the task can also be of major benefit. This could mean, for example, relying more on noise-cancelling headphones, changing what ‘complete’ means for specific tasks, or reducing the frequency of tasks. The final option for a lot of people is simply not functioning (hopefully at times where it is safe to do so). This might mean consciously deciding not to process information even if this leaves us to be confused or awkward, or reducing the amount we mask, for example.

Understimulation Burnout

Understimulation is painful experience for many people with ADHD. Oddly, being understimulated can be just as overwhelming for ADHD’ers as being overstimulated can. Speaking personally, understimulation can destroy my mood and make me feel stuck in a never ending loop of desperately wanting to do ANYTHING, but also distinctly not wanting to do any of the options available to me.

Over the long term, understimulation can lead to its own form of burnout where we lack the stimulation and novelty our brain needs, leading us to feel that we're not being challenged enough or that we aren't growing or advancing. Because novelty and challenge are two of the best fuels for task initiation for people with ADHD, lacking these elements in a long-term way can make getting started on tasks impossibly hard. This struggle can destroy our sense of effectiveness and lead to frequent distraction as our thoughts drift to existential questions about what it all means (or is that just me?).

One major reason why this type of burnout is such a problem for ADHD'ers is because we can fall into understimulation a lot faster and a lot deeper than our non-ADHD peers. This means we can be burning out from boredom before non-ADHD'ers even feel bored in the first place. This type of burnout is notorious for leading to project- or job-hopping for some ADHD'ers, where we change projects, hobbies, or jobs more quickly than is helpful for our skill or career development.

Recovering from chronic understimulation

Healing from this type of burnout can look like almost the exact opposite of healing from overload burnout. Taking on more tasks, responsibilities, or commitments can help add challenge, but may not be the best long-term fix. After all, it is possible to burnout in both of these ways at the same time by having too much to do, but all of it being too boring.

A more sustainable way to heal from this burnout is to include more naturally occurring sources of novelty into the area of life that’s understimulating. These can be new consulting projects, new hobbies, or new social groups that regularly change over time. Making this novelty something that happens naturally, in a way that doesn’t require constantly spending energy to seek it out, can really protect us from this type of burnout. For me, working with new clients is this source of novelty and goes a long way to helping prevent this type of burnout.

Value Disconnect

The final type of burnout I’m going to talk about here is value disconnect burnout, which happens when our core values and our tasks, responsibilities, and commitments aren't aligned. This often happens when core values or tasks slowly shift over time, such as in the case of a job that slowly becomes less aligned with our values. This type of burnout is more common for folks who experience outsized pressure to take on tasks that aren’t aligned with their values, such as needing to work a job primarily to make ends meet.

ADHD'ers can be more susceptible to this type of burnout for a few main reasons. First, ADHD’ers often prioritize interest and novelty over long-term goals or values in a way that non-ADHD’ers don’t. This can lead us to making commitments that don’t align with our values in the long-term, or leads us to struggle to identify our core values in the first place. Adding this to ADHD related struggles with impulsivity and time perception, it is far easier for ADHD’ers to find themselves committed to responsibilities that aren’t a good fit for their core values.

Second, both some ADHD and autistic people can be much more sensitive to challenges to our values, especially around a personal sense of fairness or justice. This sensitivity can make even small misalignments feel like much more of a disconnect for some people, and in some cases this can make these misalignments feel physically painful.

Reconnecting with our values

The main way to heal from this type of burnout is to realign our values and our responsibilities and actions. Understanding what our core values are, accepting that these may change over time (especially for ADHD'ers), and regularly assessing if we're actually doing things related to our values is the first step in recognizing and addressing this type of burnout.

The next step in this process is to make changes that increase how often we’re acting in accordance with our values. This can be through one large change all at once or a series of smaller ones over a period of time. Whatever the approach, this can't be a one-and-done kind of thing. As our responsibilities and interests continue to change, we can drift out of alignment again. Scheduling some time on occasion to re-assess this alignment (and make changes as necessary) is the only way to protect ourselves from this type of burnout.

Of course, this process is made much harder when there is outside pressure that makes acting in accordance to our values more difficult. When working in a job that isn’t aligned with our values to meet our basic needs, for example, having strong boundaries is important to healing. The specific boundaries will differ from person to person, but making time to engage in more value-aligned responsibilities (especially as meaning-making or leisure activities) is particularly important.

Conclusion

Most people with ADHD have or will experience burnout. Regardless of the type of burnout, having ADHD increases our susceptibility to this burnout. Being aware of our energy expenditures, stimulation levels, and our values can help us identify burnout before it becomes life-altering-ly bad and offers us an opportunity to start the recovery process. Whether it’s at work or in other parts of our lives, burnout is a frequent unwelcome companion, but it doesn’t have to be.

#adhd #autism #actually autistic #adult adhd #neurodivergent #actually adhd #adhd problems #autistic burnout #adhd burnout #burnout #mental health

30 notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 11 months

Text

I truly love ADHD working memory issues because each morning I get to play a fun memory game called:

Did I Forget to Take my Meds or Did I Forget I Already Took my Meds?

My favourite part is the prizes:

First place prize is accidently taking them twice and being buzzy af. Second place gets to not take them and not function as a result. And all contestants get to feel anxious all day looking for signs as to which prize they won

#adhd #working memory #adhd medication #medication roulette #actually adhd #neurodivergent #executive function

8 notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 11 months

Text

For autistic (and some ADHD) people, internal sensations can be just as dysregulating as external ones.

Feeling excited, hungry, or in pain can also be a source of sensory overload and can contribute to us shutting down or melting down.

This is particularly tricky to navigate when alexithymia or poor interoception makes it hard (if not impossible) to pinpoint the source of these internal sensations

#actually autistic #neurodivergent #autistic #alexythymia #interoception #meltdown #shutdown #sensory overload

102 notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 11 months

Text

Maybe they're born with it.

Maybe it's ✨trauma✨

#trauma #neurodivergent #mental health #sponsor me maybelline

1 note · View note

structuredsucc · 11 months

Text

For many of us, ADHD comes with differences in processing speed.

It can take more time to process auditory, visual, or other sensory information, especially in distraction-rich environments or when we're over- or understimulated.

This is because sensory processing is competing with other cognitive processes for people with ADHD in a way that isn't for non-ADHD'ers. Understanding what people are saying, for example, is competing with internal and external distractions. Even if we aren't changing our focus, simply having the impulses (and the inhibition to stop them) reduces the resources we have to spend on processing information.

#adhd #adult adhd #neurodivergent #executive function #attention regulation #distraction #sensory processing

51 notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 1 year

Text

The worst thing about ADHD working memory issues is that you don't remember forgetting things.

I just have zero awareness at all until its too late.

It's just nothing... nothing... nothing...

... ... ...

OMG I FORGOT THE ICE CREAM IN THE TRUNK AGAIN!

#adhd #adhd tax #memory #working memory #farewell my sweet ice cream

27 notes · View notes

structuredsucc · 1 year

Text

Dentists need training to work with ADHD and/or autistic patients, especially around sensory issues. I've never had a dental appointment where the dentist or hygienist didn't assume that I was too stupid to know how to take care of my teeth or too lazy to care.

Listen, I know that I should be brushing my teeth twice a day. I know that I should be flossing. I know that I shouldn't rinse my mouth after brushing. The reason I don't do it the "right" way is not because I don't know better or that I'm too lazy. It's sensory issues (and a bit of executive dysfunction)!

For me, the taste of the toothpaste just hanging out in my mouth, the dryness is causes, hell, just the feeling of the brush on my gums. At best it's unpleasant. Often it's physically painful.

I would argue that other people with sensory issues also know what they should be doing when it comes to taking care of their teeth. It isn't a knowledge gap on our end, and treating us like we just don't know any better does nothing to help the issue.

I've never had a dentist or hygienist try to understand why this is such a barrier. They've never worked with me to find new ways that get me a little closer to 'good' oral hygiene. They've never educated about how to brush or floss, especially if you can't the way I'm supposed to. They've only ever told me the rules that I already know:

That I shouldn't drink as much pop as I do.

That I should brush twice without rinsing.

That I should floss.

That I should come in every 6 months.

They've never stopped to consider that I physically can't do that.

Today, I had to stop the hygienist in the middle of the cleaning because I just couldn't take the squealing of the water pick. Even before stopping them, I was gripping the arm of the chair so hard my hands lost all color. The hygienist was shocked that it was so painful. In meeting with the dentist, I mentioned that the sound of the drill is INCREDIBLY painful to me. She suggested music.

It was immediately clear that we were talking about different things.

Best I can tell, she seems to think that it's just an annoyance. Like I'm hearing a fly buzzing around the room and it's frustrating me. That is not my experience. My experience with the drill is intense, unavoidable, piercing pain. Music doesn't distract from that.

In my view, dentists are the experts when it comes to oral health, but that expertise is useless if you can't communicate it to a patient to meet their needs. When I bring up my sensory issues and the dentist has less than nothing to offer, that expertise is useless.

Dentists not being trained to work with sensory issues throws the burden of fixing the problem back on us, often with a GIANT helping of guilt. That makes us less likely to attend to our oral health not more.

This is exactly why it's been 7 years since I've been to the dentist, and honestly, it might well be 7 more at this rate

#adhd #autistic #autism #neurodivergent #actually autistic #dentist #dental health #oralhealth #teeth cleaning #sensory issues

125 notes · View notes