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dragoncookies · 2 months

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The Unlocked Healing Center Scene

There are many, MANY scenes in which you could pick apart the ever-loving shit out of Fitz's dialogue and his actions, or just look at how his character is treated from the POV the scene is being told from and compare that to what objectively might be happening.

But one of my favorite's has got to be the Unlocked healing center scene from Keefe's POV, because GOLLY was Fitz just bagged on in that scene, in an almost undetectable way.

(This also isn't meant to be hate on Keefe btw. He's a fine character, not my absolute favorite, but there's no reason to hate on him. It just so happens that Keefe's POV of Fitz is especially patronizing in this scene).

First of all, Shannon starts the scene with presenting us with how lonely and sad he was, just straight up:

”sadness

Nervousness

Regret

Loneliness

Plus a hefty dash of anger.

Coming straight from Fitz” (-Unlocked, idk what page lmao).

I mean, the man was grieving. He just broke up with his maybe girlfriend AND lost the only chance he had to finding his terrorist older brother (who might or might not want to end him and who has caused him and his family immense stress/trauma for the past 4 books if not their entire lives to a degree) in one fell swoop (because of the maybe girlfriend he trusted a lot, not to mention Fitz values trust almost more than he does love so you could basically say the girl he loved).

Me personally? I would just cease to exist after that, but here we have sad, nervous, regretful, lonely and angry Fitz in the healing center waiting for his maybe-bro to wake up.

Once Keefe DID wake up, Fitz was nothing if not worried for Keefe and trying to comfort Keefe. Fitz was obviously GENUINELY worried for Keefe. Look at this:

”Fitz tore a hand through his boringly perfect hair. ‘I get why your mad. But I’m only trying to help. I know what you’re going through-‘

’Right-you totally know what it’s like to have you mom do deadly experiments on you,’ Keefe muttered. ‘I must’ve forgotten that part of the Vacker history.”

’Maybe not,’ Fitz conceded, ‘but I know what it’s like to have a traitor in the family. And I also remember how scary it is to wake up in one of these cots after being brutally attacked-just like I know how hard it is to talk about what’s wrong, because it feels like you’re admitting the Neverseen beat you. But they only win if you keep pretending everything’s normal, because you end up making the damage permanent.’

’I’m not damaged-‘

‘You’re right. That’s the wrong word.’ Fitz blew out a breath. ‘Look, all I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t be walking right now if I hadn’t let Elwin help me. I probably wouldn’t even be alive. So I want to make sure you get the help you need-and you do need it, Keefe. No matter what you believe. But accepting help doesn’t make you weak. It just means you’re taking care of yourself.’”

Such an underrated Fitz moment, imo.

First and foremost, lets just take a second to point out the "boringly perfect" hair comment. I don't know why this stuck out to me, but it shows how differently these two characters think. While Fitz has his hair styled "perfectly" because its been his lifestyle to maintain a perfect façade, here we can see that Keefe STILL doesn't understand just what goes beyond this perfect façade of Fitz's. Keefe values freedom, loves rebellion, and his hairstyle reflects that. Keefe makes it messy, but a masterpiece. To Keefe, Fitz's hair is just generic and standard. Perfect, well presenting, but it follows the standard of whatever is considered "perfect" to elves, so we can see that it is repulsive to Keefe's nature.

This is much the same as how much Keefe sees the scale of what Alvar's disappearance has done to the Vacker Family. Keefe continues to reject the idea that the Vackers aren't as perfect as he once believed. As soon as Fitz even mentioned the idea of empathy for Keefe, the idea of relating to him, Keefe immediately rejects it, and rejects the idea that Fitz could have gone through any mental/emotional turbulence as a result of the horrendous situations Alvar has put him and his family through. I mean, for crying out loud, Fitz had literally tried to kill his brother in an emotional mess of conflicting feelings and guilt just two books ago, and unheard of crime for the elves. Fitz had to spend weeks and WEEKS in the healing center. Keefe was there when Alvar, on his deathbed, described how the "Vacker Legacy" was what drove him to a life of crime.

Yes, Keefe was having a rough time to put it lightly, but taking it out on others isn't justified (if you want to be mad at Fitz for taking his anger out on others, now you have to be mad at Keefe for taking his emotional distress out on his friend). We can certainly understand it, but we can't justify it, and because the POV is from a likable character, we're more willing to trust what the character says. Since Keefe presents Fitz's actions in a way that makes them seem appalling and jerk-y, and if Keefe presents this idea in his POV that Fitz is always Mr. Perfect and never has trouble in his family, then the readers are more likely to believe that. Objectively, based on what Fitz is saying and doing, we can see he's struggled and is struggling a lot. Fitz had to have worked on learning to receive help himself (asking for help is a SKILL, believe it or not) in order to truly explain how important it is to Keefe in the way he did.

Who just says "Accepting help doesn't make you weak, it just means you're taking care of yourself" and doesn't mean it in the kindest, most sincerest way ever?

Not just Keefe can take this advice, anyone should.

Side note: I also feel like he gave himself bad flashbacks to when he called Sophie damaged in book two when he accidentally used the word here. Ouch.

At another point in this scene, Keefe also shows how irrational he can be, as Fitz is simply trying to do the right thing and get Keefe the help he needs, and Keefe is ABSOLUTELY DEMONIZING Fitz for it. Keefe's health was Fitz's priority, and Fitz didn't necessarily care if he stepped on Keefe's toes to get him the help that he couldn't see he needed (Sophie was in the room as this point):

Unlocked page 561:

“‘Uh, you should probably step back, Sophie,’ Fitz warned. ‘I think your emotions are too strong for him.’

’No, they’re not!’ Keefe argued-and wow,did his voice sound strained. He cleared his throat and tried again. ‘Nothings wrong. I swear, I’m fine.’

’He keeps saying that,’ Fitz told her-because he was begging for a face-punch. And if the world hadn’t gotten so spinny, Keefe might’ve given it to him when Fitz added, ‘But Keefe’s been picking up all our emotions without even trying. And he’s always been able to do that with you, so I think you’re overwhelming him right now.’

’Okay, I’m done liking Captain Perfectpants,’ Ro announced.

‘Keefe was right there with her-which was probably why he blurted out, ‘Uh, for the record, most of the emotions are coming from you, Fitzy. You wouldn’t happen to have some unresolved feelings for anyone in this room, would you?’”

I'm not gonna lie, if somebody read my emotions and called me out on something that I was VERY touchy about, and was a relatively new blow, I would just leave the room. That was an A class jerk move right there.

Not saying Keefe IS a jerk, because all the characters have acted jerk-y in the series and everyone has their moments, but it was still pretty rude of Keefe to make that comment. What’s annoying is that nobody in the books seemed to react as though it is rude when Keefe makes these kinds of comments. If it was anybody else who had said that, there would be an apology required in order for that character to be redeemed.

Keefe also literally wanted to PUNCH Fitz, because Fitz was...making sure Keefe stayed alive? Because Fitz cared enough about Keefe's health to make sure the details were pressed out and make sure the facts of the situation were clear? So Elwin could actually do his job??

Keefe hated Fitz in this moment because Fitz was being a practical, helpful guy, but from Keefe's perspective it just makes Fitz look like an asshole.

Ro’s unsolicited opinions are also very unhelpful, since Ro is written to be in support of what Keefe wants (or just in support of whatever will make Sokeefe happen…she’s kind of creepy about her Sokeefe obsession ngl), it makes her more likable and therefore the readers are more likely to trust what she says or take her opinion as their own.

But Ro saying things like “I’m done liking Captain Perfect Pants” is rude, because it 1), insinuates she will only like someone based on how much they please her, and 2) denotes him to his perfect facade, which undermines his brilliant and complex character.

Eventually, Keefe tried to apologize to Sophie in a telepathic conversation. He didn’t remotely consider apologizing to Fitz.

I mean, Keefe was crazy terrified and hurting but...I don’t get how when Fitz was hurt and acted out he was suddenly “toxic and trash”, but when Keefe did the exact same thing nobody said anything.

And nobody even knows Fitz is hurt because nobody asks him. Nobody talks to him about how hard the Alvar situation is for him because they’re scared he’ll just get mad and yell at them, or they just assume he’s just mad about it and wanted to kill Alvar.

Is nobody going to see that there’s some deep emotional/mental trauma to unpack here? Is he always just going to have to help himself all the time?

At least Keefe has people who understand him, who are willing to talk to him about what’s wrong and help him through it. He had a seriously traumatic childhood, and I’m not comparing their trauma or anything, that’s not what I’m trying to do. What I am trying to say is, Keefe’s got a whole crew of people helping him, people who want to make sure he’s okay, people who care for him, and he rejects it, deems them annoying in Fitz’s case, and just discounts the effort and energy they spend on him.

There is a lot more to unpack from this scene, but it’s mostly all along a similar vein of what I talked about here (this is long enough haha). There are also tons of little details about the Vackers in Unlocked that just emphasize how pressured Fitz is into the Vacker mold, and how the Alvar drama just makes it worse.

For example: reading Fitz’s registry file, it says that it is “highly suggested that he choose someone on his match list” because of how dragged the Vacker name already is. So when people want to get upset with him for choosing "his reputation over Sophie", we have text evidence that its more complicated than that. Fitz isn't just choosing between being liked by the world and the person he likes, he's choosing whether or not to maintain a level of peace within his family at his own sacrifice. SPOILERS! (if you haven't read stellarlune don't read the rest of this paragraph). Eventually it was his sacrifice, because as of stellar lune, Sokeefe is official. Fitz couldn't repair things with Sophie quick enough, so she moved on.

It also mentions in Keefe’s detention slip write ups about how people actually hassle Biana and Fitz at Foxfire for Alvar being apart of the Neverseen. Because of their family, because of the Alvar drama, Fitz and Biana can't go to school without people bullying them.

Theres also this sad note in Fitz’s Base Quest instructions where Fitz writes about how you can use you special abilities while playing base quest, but included a little side note that said “but it's no fun when you turn invisible the whole time and hide Alvar!” Which just insinuates that Alvar would turn invisible and leave to go do whatever else he wanted while Fitz still thought they were playing. :(

Depressing.

#kotlc #fitz vacker #keeper of the lost cities #keefe sencen #kotlc headcanon #kotlc fitz #sophie foster #kotlc sophie #kotlc stellarlune #kotlc keefe #kotlc unlocked #kotlc unraveled #kotlc keefe sencen #kotlc fandom

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insteading · 3 months

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As someone who’s done bereavement care for almost 20 years, I’ve observed again and again and again that it is not staying with grief that cuts us off from other people, it’s suffocating grief and suppressing grief. It’s impossible to repress grief without also repressing all sorts of other things like joy and memory. Actually, expressing grief naturally connects us empathetically to other people. It is not an accident that right now when there is such a profound suppression of global grief, we’re also finding ourselves in a moment of such isolation.

Rabbi Elliot Kukla, in them magazine

I sought out this piece because Rabbi Kukla was quoted in today's sermon in reference to the ongoing genocide in Gaza ("It is lifesaving to mourn our humanity in inhumane times").

But this paragraph about grief hit me so hard I wanted to single it out to share. It is relevant to corporate grief of the sort we might experience when a state is doing harm in our name (police brutality, displacement, execution). It is also relevant to individual griefs.

In the bereavement calls I do for hospice, I have noticed, this is precisely what gets people stuck in grief: the feeling that there is no safe space and time to express grief. Companies tend to give very little accommodation for bereavement, if they give any at all. Culturally we're expected to get over losses in a matter of days. But grief rewires us, and some losses-- particularly losses like war, displacement, and police brutality where a state or institution does the same kind of harm repeatedly-- are complex and ongoing.

Grief impacts sleeping, eating, executive function. (I don't ask people in bereavement calls, "How are you doing?" I ask, "How are you sleeping?" "How's your appetite?" Maybe "Are there moments from your caregiving, or from your [loved one's] dying, that keep coming up for you?" Because of course you're not fine! You just lost someone essential to you. What I want to know is, is your body getting a chance to repair itself as your mind and heart process what you've experienced?)

People have talked to me after a loss about feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by daily life. It's not unlike recovering from a major injury and having a sizable portion of your bandwidth given over at all times to the tasks of bone, muscle, and nerve repair that are not under your conscious control. When tasks you're used to thinking of as having one part suddenly make it clear how complex they are? Cooking a meal takes more out of you. Doing a load of laundry takes more out of you. If you're already an introvert, the cost of social engagement goes up, at a time when social engagement might actually be very helpful.

Doing some of our grief work with other trusted people shares the load. It recovers some bandwidth. But many folks learn early in the grieving process that they have fewer trusted people than they thought. Or that it feels like the wrong time to deepen an acquaintanceship they'd hoped might become a friendship. Or that they aren't as comfortable asking loved ones for help as they thought they would be.

And the bereavement model I'm trained in assumes that a grieving person has experienced one recent loss. We know that a recent loss might poke us in the tender spots left by earlier losses. But that's still different from the experience of a tragedy that affects a whole community at once (as in an entire region's population losing multiple loved ones in a very short time and being forced to flee).

I don't really have a conclusion here, but I'm finding the activism that feels most healing and hope-filled to me has lament built into it: a chance to name the people who've died in our county's jail, while advocating for better communication with families of people inside. A chance to call out the names of people lost to covid while advocating for policies that will mitigate risk to vulnerable people.

Maybe it takes days to name all the people impacted by ongoing genocides in Congo, Palestine, Yemen, while urging our government to end its role in those genocides. Maybe our systems and structures, which aren't even good at honoring our grief for members of the nuclear family we're taught is our primary world, are disinclined to give us that time. Maybe we ought to take it anyway.

#this is not about my favorite silly little pirate show #except insofar as ofmd touches on grief / and actions to preserve the show acknowledge the grief we feel losing something meaningful #grief is the shape our love takes when we lose someone or something we love #and we should be able to name that person or thing #i'm never going to stop being mad at managers / well-meaning acquaintances who tell my clients 'it's been a while; you should move on'#seriously fuck all the way off with that; whoever hurt you / don't pass that hurt on #a person who is grieving is a person who has the capacity for love and care / and that capacity ought to be nurtured #because it's the basis of mutual aid / support / positive action / and a whole host of other things we need more of #anyway: strive to be a person who is safe to grieve around #and strive to be a person who is not too cool to care about anyone or anything #and if you wind up in any kind of position of influence or authority someday? make your environment more supportive to people in grief #grief care #community trauma

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misguidedasgardian · 1 year

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The Winter Sun (24)

24. SnowStorm

MASTERLIST

Summary: An unknown ray of hope

Pairing: Cregan Stark x Fem!Targaryen Reader

Warnings: Cursing, medieval and asoiaf customs, AGE GAP, Cregan is 12 years OLDER than reader), arranged marriage, war, and all that comes with it, implied forced imprisonment, and implied non-con, pregnancy, angst, might miss some warnings

+18, MINORS DNI

Wordcount: 3 k

Notes: I don't know what is gotten inside of me, I'm inspired hehehe, remember that the timing on this has been paced by x3 haha

Nobody talked to you, nobody told you anything, but you could tell something was wrong, very, very wrong.

People seemed nervous and skittish, Aemond was gone for most part of the day, and night, he left you alone, and you took the opportunity to relax in your bed

You were grieving, but it was so hard, you had no process, no nothing, Cregan was far away, and suddenly he was dead, but you couldn’t process it, you couldn’t even think about it

A single tear fell down your eye as you touched your belly

Was it Cregan’s? or was it Aemond’s?

You couldn’t possibly know

Yes you had bled, but the maester said it was common having a little spotting in early stages of pregnancy… but still… you were showing up quite early if you were to believe it was Aemond’s

But you couldn’t help but wonder…

You guessed you had to wait until it was born.

You hoped it was a girl but… if it was Cregan’s you doubted Aemond was going to let you keep it, you could only pray that he would take the time to take it to Winterfell where she or he could be safe… but if it was his…

You cried louder

Once you stopped crying and were laying on your bed, Aemond entered the room

“I have news”, he said, his voice sounded strangled, you sat on the bed and looked at him wide-eyed

“What?”, you asked

“I will take you out of here”, he said, like it was good news, perhaps they were

“Are we going to King’s Landing?”, you asked, your voice plain

“No, I’m taking you to your home in the Vale”, that really surprised you

“What?”, you asked, not believing him

“I’m already making the arrangements”, he said, he was serious, but not like always, he did not have that superiority demeanor that always accompanied him

“And King’s Landing?”

“No”, he answered sharply, he wouldn’t tell you anything, a war had broken outside these walls and you didn’t even know what was happening, but one thing soothed you… If Aemond was here, he was not in the field, possibly killing members of your family.

The love of your life and father to your babies might be dead, but at least, at least, with your personal sacrifice, you could help your family in gathering and preparing, distracting the man with the biggest dragon in the world

it was a consolation

But not knowing what was going on outside those wretched walls did make you feel uneasy, the fact that Aemond was here the entire time made you believe that rather things were going terribly well with the Greens, or he was out of it completely

Aemond after looking deep into your face, prepared to leave

“What happened?”, you asked him, and then he looked at you, his eye then fell to your belly

“You are with my child, this is a terrible and dark place, you need to be in a more nicer place, if we want the child and you to thrive”, he said so seriously, like he was talking about a political arrangement

You wanted to remind him that it was Cregan’s baby, but you stopped yourself, one because you didn’t want him to… “get rid of it” as he threatened you he would do, and two, you weren’t even sure.

“When?”, you asked

“Tomorrow”, he said shortly, and then he abandoned your room.

You were almost blinded when you took a step outside, having seen the sunlight directly in months. You almost had forgotten what the clear, pure air smelt like, being trapped in that hellish room. Some days you thought you had lost your mind.

But here you were

You should be happy that you are going back to your own home, some place you had the advantage in, but then… the advantage for what exactly?

Trying to kill him again?

That would backfire terribly

Trying to escape?

And where would you go? back to Winterfell? your loved ones would pay the price of your actions, you knew it.

And if it was Aemond’s baby?

You whimpered when you realized… there was no way out of this, of him…

Vhagar roared in front of you both to prove it, in a greeting, and she made you tremble. Aemond grabbed your hand and led you towards her, your own dragon wasn’t even in sight, Aemond helped you up the ropes first and then he followed you closely.

Under normal circumstances you would be on the other side of the castle away from this wretched beast, but you didn’t want to fight, you didn’t want to upset him.

You accommodate yourself in the saddle, and Aemond arranged the leather straps around your thighs carefully and then he chained himself to the saddle, you felt him at your back his hand surrounded you to take the reins

You didn’t miss his fingers ghosting over your belly.

Vhagar was heavy and slow and yet, she took flight easily. Soon you were in the skies, the last time you had done so, was when you surrender yourself to Aemond

You leaned back, your body fully pressed against Aemond, trying to push up your own body was making you have a cramp, and you didn’t have the strength to endure one, not right now.

Aemond smiled, he took to the skies, with you in his arms, your body leaning completely on his, his baby in your belly, he felt like the King of the world, and how could he not?

“When I’m in the skies… it feels that this is where I belong”, he whispered in your ear, “specially with you in my arms”

And the funny thing is, you also felt the same when you were in the skies.

“This is why they say Targaryen are closest to gods than to men”, you said back, wanting to avoid the subject

The flight was longer than you had expected, Vhagar being slow. Or perhaps it was the company that made it dreadfully tiring

You were glad the wind made it difficult to sustain a conversation.

You wondered how Aemond knew exactly where your home was, but you tried not to dwell on it too much, for your own peace of mind.

Vhagar landed heavily on the ground, right in front of it. It was just like you remembered, from four years ago when you escaped the Red Keep when… When Aemond tried to pressure you into giving him your maidenhead

People started coming out of the castle, to your surprise, they didn’t even seem surprised to see Vhagar there, they had been expecting you… although… The people, your own people, seemed scared to see you, you remembered some of them, specially from when you escaped the Red Keep and spend here a couple of months, but they even dare to look at you

Perhaps this what Aemond had meant when he said “he had already made the arrangements”, meaning terrorize the servants of the castle out of their loyalty to you

The Vale was loyal to Rhaenyra, he surely needed to make sure nobody was going to open their mouths about you being here.

“It is quite beautiful”, Aemond said, placing his hands on your hips, encouraging you to enter your childhood home, where your father had raised you with his kindness and his love. You were sad it had to be tainted by Aemond, and what he was going to keep doing to you

You entered your home slowly, drinking everything in, you had missed it, it had huge windows and wide, colorful, sunlit rooms. It wasn’t as big as the seven great castles, but… it was a castle nonetheless

He walked the halls as he knew them, perhaps he had been here in your absence, and that made you even more scared, about how deranged Aemond was

You wanted to go towards your room, but Aemond continued down the corridor towards what it was your father’s old room

“Aemond”, you called, “that is…”

“The master bedroom of this castle I took”, he said, opening the double doors, signaling for you to enter behind him.

You weren’t fazed to enter the room, your father’s things had been taken away years ago, and.. you don't quite remember it from your childhood when he was alive.

The room had huge windows, a balcony, a huge bed freshly made, you could tell, a table with chairs in one corner, and nightstands on each side of the huge bed with a wood canopy.

“I could get accustomed to this”, Aemond said, you didn’t look at his face, but you could picture perfectly his smug face, “you, and me, reigning our small castle, with an army of silver haired children”, you sighed, already tired of his fantasy, you walked towards the windows and looked over at the sea and the risks of the Vale. You placed your hand on the window, longing for freedom, even though you wouldn’t know what to do with it.

Cregan was gone.

You felt the bed move behind you, and you turned around to see Aemond sitting on the edge of the bed. He taped the mattress by his side

“I want to feel you”, he moaned, and you only walked towards him, surrendering yourself to him, so broken to even fight him on this

What you didn’t know is that the greatest army the North has ever seen, had been gathering, marching from every corner to the coldest realm, already recuperated from the Winter, and ready to eliminate any threat to the reign of Rhaenyra Targaryen.

The Northerner Army met in Caitlin’s Vale, all around the castle of the same name.

Nobody knew who was going to lead said army. They had been called by Lord Roderik, to avenge their Lord, and they had all answered to the call.

For avenging Lord Cregan Stark.

Cregan

The huge camp was a sight to behold, each house of the North, the great one and the smaller ones, all of them had come.

And as their leaders met in the middle, to discuss strategy and where they were going to meet the Knights of the Vale, the remains of the Winter Wolves marched into the camp, leading them, as a hooded figure.

Every soldier made way for the huge stallion that led the main leaders of the small army, as they bowed their heads, they didn’t know who it was, but the bare figure demanded respect

The leaders of the Great army both payed attention to the group approaching, and it was only when they were in front of them, that Cregan removed his hood, revealing himself to the camp amongst gasps and cheers

“CREGAN CREGAN CREGAN!”, they started chanting for their Lord

“They embushed us!”, he shouted, “they burnt us! and yet… we are here!”, he said, to everyone’s cheers, “Aemond Targaryen, the Kinslayer, has taken my wife, the Lady of Winterfell, his brother the usurper, has taken our Queen’s throne!”, he said and he heard them booing, “For our burnt fathers and brothers, for your lady of winterfell, for the justice for the traitors, WE MARCH!”

With those words the army was fired up to march south, to kill every Green that stands in their way, to recuperate you

Cregan joined the leaders in the main tent.

“This time, we will not be alone”, he said firmly, “Daemon Targaryen and his dragon will meet us in the Crossroads Inn, he said, pointing to a map, but we, before that, we will join the Knights of the Vale, right about there as well”

“And the Rogue Prince will take care of the dragon?”, asked Lord Cerwyn

“That is what is expected, yes”, said Cregan.

“Is the Lady (Y/N) going to be in Harrenhal?”, asked another

“Our job is to take the castle, the real battle will be after we take Harrenhal and march souther still

“This is the greatest army the Seven Kingdoms has ever seen!”, said Lord Roderik, “it is impossible that we are going to march undetected through the Riverlands”

“In that case, the Baratheons and the Royal army of traitors will be there to meet us”, said Cregan, “and that will work to our advantage, it will save us a trip, we end half of the Green forces in one attack, they will have no chance against us”

The determination of their lord inspired all the men, this time, they will not fail

And so they started the slow march, as their number tripled the one of the last time, the pace was three times slower.

Cregan wanted them to know, he wanted all his enemies in one place, to kill them all at once. You were the only thing on his mind.

This was going to take him months, much to his dismay, but he knew his Queen held the Capital, he knew his son and his home was safe, and he knew you were alive, that monster might take you, but he wouldn’t harm you or he would have learnt about it by now.

You were waiting for him, he knew it

It was all that kept him sane, the thought of you, waiting for him.

It was in moments like this he wished he could fly, just like you, he wished to be strong just like you, his beautiful wife, mother of his child.

He wondered if you thought he was dead, he really didn’t hope so, although he knew the Kinslayer would have told you. He wondered if you were pregnant with his baby, he was sure you were when he left you in Winterfell, he had learnt to know you and your beautiful body.

He sighed as he saw his army march from over a hill

The only thing he wanted to do was to have you by his side, cuddling you, and his son on his chest, your pregnant belly pressed against him.

Soon, he thought

Aemond looked at you, you yourself were looking at the window, touching your big belly, he could not tell if what he felt in his chest was something good or something bad, it was a crippling feeling, a burn so intense he believed it could burn him whole.

He had to leave you for a few weeks, having to go to the battlefield, but his return was swiftly. His brother, the King, was missing, his mother was captured, his grandfather executed, and his other brother…

They said he died on his successful campaign as his burning tent fell on top of him, others say he was murdered in his nightshirt by a myrnise.

Anyways, they were losing this war

The only front that was winning was the seafront on the East, and the Lannister Army on the West, this was not lost yet, but his sister, was also a prisoner of Rhaenyra, he was scared of what they might do to her after the murder of his nephew,

And rumors had reached them that a huge Northerner army was marching from the North, he was longing to face them on the battlefield, to burn that wretched country once and for all.

He did not feared them, for they had no one to lead them, the last remaining Stark couldn’t even talk, it was a baby in a crib

Which led him back to…

“When I fantasized about being with you, I have never picture this”, he said bitterly, you turned to look at him, seriousness in your eyes

“You didn’t expect to kill my husband?, threatened my infant son? rape me? go figure”, you asked, you had become more bold as your pregnancy progressed, Aemond said it was because of the dragon inside of you, he had never been rough with you, he has been rather patient.

“I said you were mine and I was going to do anything to prove it”, of course it was your fault, perhaps if you had accepted the marriage with him in the first place, nothing would have ever happened, maybe Cregan would still be alive, “but there is no point on dwelling of what might have been”, he said, his voice plain.

It was hard to know what was going on inside his head, really

“I want to know what is happening”, you said firmly, looking back at him

“What do you mean?”, he asked

“What is going on with the war that broke out when you killed Lucerys?”, you asked firmly, he chuckled darkly

“What would you know about the intricacies of war?”, he mocked

“Is my family dead?”, you asked firmly

“If it was, do you think we would be hiding here?”, he asked

“Perhaps they all are, your brother regions on his usurped throne”, you bit back. He looked at you, analyzing your face, really wondering if he should tell you about what was going on

Perhaps if you knew Rhaenyra sat the Iron Throne, you would be persuaded to try to get away from him, perhaps you would try to escape him, knowing the blacks were winning

“i don’t know where your cunt of a cousin is, but my brother sits the Iron Throne”, he said bitterly, and you lost your attention off of him and back to look outside the window

He didn’t know if you did that because you didn’t believe him, or rather, if you did and you believed everything was lost, that you were irrevocably his

“I arranged for a short ceremony”, he said then, you turned to face him once more, frowning

“A short ceremony for what?”, you asked, angrily

“We are to be wed”, he said

“No”, you whined

“Yes”, he said firmly, your eyes filled with tears

“NO!”, you screamed, “why?”, you cried, accusing him

“You are a widow, and you are carrying my child, there is no discussion”, and his heart broke when he saw the utter despair and hate in your eyes who looked so much like his own.

more notes: is the baby Cregan's? Or Aemond's? what do you think?

taglist:

@severewobblerlightdragon @missusnora @stargaryenx @poppyreader @chainsawsangel @court-jester-stuff @batprincess1013 @eddiepicker

@lyannesworld @arujee @kamisunshine @mss-nthng @partypoison00 @grimistangel @elleclairez @may-machin @prettykinkysoul @justagurlwithships @champomiel

@laura-naruto-fan1998 @zoleea-exultant @devotedlythoughtfulanchor @zoleea-exultant @llleon666 @dark-night-sky-99 @bitchigoteverythingissues @harrypotteranna23-blog

@esposadomd @ajanauia @phantomtea19 @let-love-bleeds-red @kishie8 @dreamingofyourmoons @esposadomd @sandronebabyy @kemillyfreitas @trifoliumviridi @dreamingofyourmoons @darling-jace @biblichorr @ivvypg @mendes-bae @borikenlove @tssf-imagines @praline357 @alitaar @prettykinkysoul @aelora-a @a-mexican-waffle @ateliefloresdaprimavera @alexa40400 @lrboyd @anditsmywholeheart @weaselyssss @scarlettqueen190 @deeeeexx @cloudroomblog @dreaming-of-the-reality @yentroucnagol @crazymusicgirl104 @toodlesxcuddles

#misguidedwinter #cregan stark x reader #cregan #cregan x reader #cregan x you #cregan stark #hbo house of the dragon #house of the dragon #house targaryen #targaryen!oc #targaryen!reader #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen #aemond the kinslayer #aemond x oc #dark!aemond x reader #dark!aemond targaryen x reader

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kell-be-belle · 3 months

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TMAGP Thoughts (Spoilers)

I'm an RQ Patreon so I got to hear EP 1 & 2 of Protocol today and I know it'll be a few days for general hype, I need to share my thoughts about a very specific part while it's still fresh in my mind. I'm going to try hard to be articulate about it, but I'm also having a lot of feelings. Spoilers below the cut

On the subject of the program known as Norris. Now, I know that there's no official equation between Norris and Martin Blackwood, but for argument's sake, I'm going to treat them as related. This is also all my own speculation so bear with me.

The first significant sentence we hear Norris say in their reading is "I just couldn't face the thought of the rest of my life never hearing him again." and when I say it knocked the air clean from my lungs, I cannot be exaggerating any less. I immediately burst into tears.

First off, the fact that the reading specifically states the idea of never hearing a loved one's voice again, in a series where voice holds such power, has implications that I can barely even begin to fathom at this moment. And the fact that it is Martin's voice speaking about it must have reason. From what I've gathered in Jonny's writing, there isn't much that can be chalked up to coincidence and I most certainly don't believe that could be the case in something as highly anticipated as Protocol.

Now, as far as we know from the end of Archives, Martin has successfully killed Jon. It's highly likely that Martin is also killed, however, we can still hear him breathing and crying even as the Panopticon collapses around them. It's perfectly reasonable to speculate that Martin somehow survived the aftermath. Meaning, Martin could have very possibly been left to process the insurmountable grief of losing Jon by himself (Which has other themes tying back to his connection with The Lonely that I can't even touch upon)

The reading made by Norris talks about a grieving spouse who is going to some relatively extreme lengths to be reconnected with their husband, Arthur. It appears as though the dearly departed Arthur has somehow come back to the mortal plane. There could be a couple of explanations for this, but I think it could mostly likely be one of two. Either, something is masquerading as Arthur OR Arthur has come back, but has come back wrong.

So here is where things get really sad for me because this is the scenario my mind supplied me with upon gathering all this information:

Martin survives the fall of the Panopticon. Jon is dead. Martin grieves for his lost love. The grief becomes so deep and so all-consuming that Martin becomes desperate to scrounge for any scrap of Jon that could possibly remain. It leads Martin down roads best left untraveled and perhaps, but some miracle or more appropriately a curse, Jon has somehow come back, but, like Arthur, he's come back wrong. Perhaps something with the Eye or the Web or the other fears that possibly looks like Jon, almost certainly sounds like Jon, but is not Jon. And now Martin is left with an impossible choice. To lose himself in the sound of a voice he feared he would never hear again or acknowledge that voice speaks hollow words and silence it to himself permanently.

Anyway, this feels like a bit of a ramble, but I hope it makes enough sense. While a lot of it is speculation, I don't think the fact that it was that particular reading done in that particular voice after those particular events is without some significance. Only time will tell us the truth of what happened.

#I feel like things make so much sense in my head but writing them out is like wrestling an alligator #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus archives #tma #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #jonmartin

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raayllum · 5 months

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What really makes Rayla's ghosting f*cked up to me is the Silver Groves reasoning behind it. It was the simple fact that she was the only member of the team who survived (to their knowledge). Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I'm getting the impression that they (Ethari obviously being the exception) expected her to die on the mission as "redemption" for her parents supposed cowardness.

To me I think it's worse, somehow, because I don't think the Silvergrove expected Rayla to die for her parents' sins (at least not on that level, but Rayla does internalize a lot of it that way in 3x08 pretty directly).

The Ghosting is a punishment for if you don't die, or 'kill' yourself (die in the line of duty accordingly), we'll kill you ourselves (metaphorically in the show, more literally in the book one novelization). Public collective shaming and ex-communication and all that. There's a reason, I think, why people have been able to pretty smoothly read aspects of religious, particularly Christian, trauma onto Rayla and her attitudes towards sacrifice/suffering and the response(s) of her village to her.

That said: the Silvergrove wasn't wrong to be mad or grieving. They'd just lost 5 members of a clearly close knit and fairly small community, all of whom had families/loved ones. However, the issue is:

They had no way of knowing any of what had happened was Rayla's fault

They had no way of knowing she hadn't just been captured and escaped, or injured and taking a longer time to get home

She was 15 years old

As Callum says, "You didn't even give Rayla a chance to explain herself," which means it's a collective punishment without a trial

Rayla states that "They think I ran away, just like my parents" which means there probably is a societal shame/linking "guilty by association" aspect coming into play, too

Thereby, what the Silvergrove based their entire, seemingly irreversible judgement on was 1) everyone else on Rayla's team died in a timely fashion and 2) for whatever reason, she didn't, and they assumed it was because she was too afraid to die for their cause (when if anything, Rayla is routinely a little too willing to die for any and all causes she thinks is worthy of it) despite having zero tangible evidence for it.

Runaan and the other assassins were counting on having the element of surprise, wanted to make it home (ofc / "I promise I will return your heart to you"), and expected to: "We can accomplish this mission without sacrifice" (1x01). But once Rayla lets Marcos go, as Runaan says, "You let him live, but you killed us all" (which yes they could've, at any point, just called off the mission for their own wellbeing, but they were 1. already bound and 2. Moonshadows don't usually work like that, nevermind Moonshadow assassins).

Which could be decent, if still brutal, grounds for Ghosting Rayla, but like - the Silvergrove doesn't even have that, with even less proof than they had for Lain and Tiadrin (egg stolen, no bodies found).

It's like... either you all die for the good of the cause, or you all survive, and anything in between is unacceptable. Nothing like an extreme, steep hell heaven divide y'know?

#the silvergrove #thanks for asking #raylangst #lordjarman #sorry if this wasn't super coherent i am quite sleepy #ghosting is probs their twisted version of purgatory to a degree #just with less hope and more punishment

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aq2003 · 3 months

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it is literally canon that Martha stayed with Ten even though she knew he didn’t love her back. she stayed because she was in love with him. you can think whatever you want in fan spaces, but staying with him for love is exactly what she did. Ten was an ass to Martha in so many ways during this season, I think he coped with being the object of her desire (and even bragged about it to Donna).

sorry i'm putting my foot down here. anon we are watching different shows because in the very first episode ten is uncomfortable and shuts her down the minute he catches that martha has an interest in him. he (as stated by david tennant) spends nearly the entire season unaware of her crush. "i don't think he's [aware of her feelings for him]. i don't think he'd do that otherwise. i think he gets aware as the season rumbles on" — but even then, he still has that line in sound of drums where he goes "it's like when you fancy someone and they don't know you exist" to her. you could interpret this in either one of two ways, either he's trying his hardest to ignore her crush and is acting like it doesn't exist, or he honest to god still does not know. and when we're talking about a character that has a famously long history of being not involved in romance or being unaware of standard romantic conventions, the fact that he isn't aware of how she feels (however long that may be, but we know it extends over a majority of their time together) makes much more sense than... i dont even know. going out of your way to make someone fall in love with you but the moment you think she's in love with you you go "what the fuck! don't do that! back off!". like??!? and as someone who has been the object of an unrequited crush from one of my close friends before, it's difficult to look back on this person without thinking about it or feeling guilty over it. this is exactly what the scene with ten and donna reads like to me; they're talking about the relationship ten and martha had and he brings it up bc it's been directly on his mind (he's fucking tactless about it but being tactless is like one of his primary personality traits!). it's one of the reasons she left him! it's the reason why he rejects donna initially before finding out she wasn't interested in him! i'm not trying to say that their relationship was healthy or that s3 ten did nothing wrong or whatever but god will you all kill him for the crimes he actually committed

as for martha, i feel like you're misunderstanding the point i was making about her and i already got into arguments in two separate posts over it so i'll just leave it at "if you think her crush is her only personality trait and the only reason she chooses to stay with ten is /thinking he'll eventually fall in love with her back/ then please get well soon". look at shakespeare code when after ten compares her to rose and says he'll take her back home she sarcastically goes "great!" or at the beginning of gridlock when she goes "ever heard of the word 'rebound'?" (i could write another long post about this line but that's not the point rn) - she isn't having a good time! she knows ten isn't treating her very well! but the reason she doesn't want it to be "just one trip" isn't bc she's romantically pursuing him (which is the point i specifically took issue with) or even bc of her crush, it's bc she knows ten is grieving—he lost his home planet, his people, his kind-of-girlfriend and just needs someone with him and SHE KNOWS THAT! BETTER THAN HE DOES! look at family of blood: she's asked why she's his companion and she answers "because he's lonely". she KNOWS he needs her and as a character established from day 1 to be someone learning to save people for a living i don't think it's a massive stretch to say that she's not 100% in it for herself. if you take the show at face value, it's saying that martha is straight up wasting the years of her life and isn't getting nearly as much out of her friendship with ten the way he is with her. this extends to multiple areas of their relationship. and forgive me if i'm being too fucking bold but "thinking whatever you want in fan spaces" is a mentality you treat shipping with, not "analyzing the character writing of a writer first and foremost known and praised for his character writing"

#maybe i'm a victim of projecting or whatever but i dont even fucking care at this point ive watched series 3 #THREE separate times to try to get what the 'ten was leading martha on' take was saying and every time it made less and less sense to me #sorry. if this makes me pretentious or a haver of bad takes but i will die on this hill specifically #dr who #10 era #girl this post is so long and stupid i need someone to turn me into an oyster or perhaps shrimp

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rocco-ko · 6 months

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I think, after the news from Mr. Neil that filming won't start earlier than in 2025 and speculations about aziracrow becoming humans, I am ready to accept S2 ending as... an endgame.

For the last 4 years I have become so obsessed with GO, and since I can't have any friends, job or hobby, it literally became everything to me. It's been almost 3 month, and I'm still grieving over that ending. Even if I will be alive in 3-4 years to see the ending (and if I will find the courage to see it), it won't be the same anymore...

Before the S2 finale, that thing they had... it was so special like anything I've seen before on TV or especially in a shitty real life. Now, everything feels so twisted, and sick, and out of place! I know, it is sort of tabu in GO fandom but I will try my luck... Aziraphale and Crowley belong together, and I want to believe that if there is one single truth in the universe, this is it! Then why when I am saying it in my head, it feels... just... so wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have doubts that Aziraphale truly loves Crowley. As this season provided us with more details about Angel's life, it is clear that except Crowley, Aziraphale's got a full life with hobbies and acquaintances. That's wonderful, that's how it is supposed to be... I guess. It hurts though, as I don't know how it feels. It hurts, because I am like Crowley –lonely idealist who needs only one thing in the whole universe. Without it, he is lost.

The first season was full of love which was ordinary and magical at the same time. In the second season, we saw the magic leaving and without it there's nothing to make everything right again. And, maybe, it will be simple and absurd, but also so beautiful and full of love... and that's all that matters.

#good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #good omens #renew good omens #aziraphale #crowley #give me good omens 3 or give me death #give me season 3 or give me death #crowley x aziraphale #aziracrow

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paarthurnax59 · 1 year

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“Never to be”

images is not mine (Also,I know I suck at this, so bare with me)

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Reader( unrequited), Reader X ???

Summary: Dean left you for Lisa and Ben after Sam fell into the pit, told you to never contact him again, among other cruel remarks on his part. Years later you moved on, starting your own life and finally meeting a man who truly loves and cares for you. What happens when your past comes back to invade your present and tries to jeopardize your future.

warnings; Super angst (but with a happy ending), Dean's a major dick, swearing, slight physical violence, reader feeling low self-esteem.

words: 2280

Just so you know, I know Dean would not act like this, it's just a fic. if you don't like it, please do not engage if this kind of content is too sensitive for you. there will be five parts to this story. I don't own any of these canon characters. they belong to their respective owners.

part 1

May, 2010

“Dean, what are you doing?” You questioned Dean as he stopped the Impala by the Laurance Bus Station in the middle of the night. Dean said nothing, not even looking at you as he got out the car and went to his trunk and pulled out a tote bag. He proceeded to come to your door for you.

“Get out.” He said coldly as you looked up at him with confusion on your face.

“What, Why?” You asked as you still sat in his car shocked that Dean was acting as cold as he was right now. You would understand due to the fact he had just lost his brother, forever. A person he had looked after and promised to protect since he was four years old. That would make anyone act the way Dean was right now. The weird part was why was he acting this way towards you. Like you were a pest he needed to be rid of to find peace.

“I want you to leave, (Name). Isn’t it obvious?” Grunted and took your arm and pulled you out of the passenger seat roughly, making your legs stumble out of his car. You heart rate went up drastically when you nearly fell form how Dean was pulling you out of the car.

“Why?! I don’t understand, Dean.” You whispered with shaky, heavy breathing looking up at his burning gaze staring down at you with an what looked like, an amused smirk.

“Do I need to spell it out for you, (Last name)? I don’t want you around anymore. I am going to go live with Lisa and Ben, and I don’t need some little girl that follows me around like a helpless lost puppy.” He spat out his venomous words while your face started to become pale as the blood started to leave your face.

“Dean…we have hunted with each other for years. You have known me since I was five. You can’t just kick me out of your life like we didn’t mean anything.” You heartbrokenly explained to the angry man in front of you. Sure, Dean wasn’t always your biggest fan. You were more of a friend of Sam’s then of Dean’s. Sam was about seven years older than you and Dean being elven years older. Despite your age gap, you and Sam got a long great. Watched movies together, go running, and do night-long research. You two were thick as thieves, and when he died, you felt like a part of you died with him. Hoping Dean would fill that void, he would become what you wanted and you two could live out your life together. Over time, aside his dislike for you, you had fallen in love with Dean, and hoped he had felt the same.

Boy, were you wrong.

“Can’t I? Sam’s no longer here, honey. Which means that I don’t have a reason to have you in my life. So, get on that bus and we can finally part ways and I don’t have to keep you dragging along.” Dean got closer to you and you took a step back, fearing what the hunter would do. He dropped the large tote bag right at your feet while giving you a hard scowl.

“Dean, you are grieving. You just lost Sam, and I can imagine that pain you are going through. I feel it and I miss him, too. He deserved so much better than what he got. But making me leave is not going to make you feel better.” You try to reason with the older Winchester, but all he did was just got angrier and then pulled your hair by its root and forced you to look up at him and screamed from the pain Dean was inflicting on you.

“Kid, Sam was the only reason I ever tolerated you on our hunts in the first place. If he were not part of it, I would have dumped you at any bus station and get you as far away from me as humanly possible.” He confessed through gritted teeth with his hand still griping into your hair. You felt like you were going to be sick with what Dean was saying. He never liked you? Not even as a friend? “I don’t need to be a perpetual babysitter for some scared, little girl on hunts when I can go live with a very beautiful woman and have a happy monster free life.” He grunted again as tears started to stream down your face with Dean’s cruel words started to sink in. He thinks you are a coward?

“Dean, let me go. You’re hurting me.” You cry as Dean refused to give in to your demands.

“No. You need to listen and listen good, sweetheart. I had promised Sam that I would drop hunting all together and live a normal life with Lisa. He didn’t say anything about promising to look after you. You’re a grown ass woman and you can defend yourself. I don’t need to baby you and most certainly don’t need you in my life. Hell, I never needed your sorry ass to begin with. Me and Sammy were doing just fine without you and I can live my life without you always being a clingy, needy and never letting me have my space. I’m tired of it and of you. I’m exhausted of having to take care of you, looking out for you and protecting you, when I should have been protecting Sammy and my friends, people that I care about.” He said with not an ounce of remorse in his voice. The more Dean told you how little you meant to him, the more your heart broke. Was it true? Were you nothing more than a burden to Dean? Did the time you spent together mean nothing to him and Sam? What if Sam felt the same way? What would Sam say if he were here? Would he agree and tell you to leave?

“Once you get on that bus, I am leaving for Lisa, a gorgeous woman who is far more deserving of my time and my companionship than some girl that can barely fight for herself. I’m going to leave this life and everything behind, especially you. You are nothing more than a useless, stupid bitch that had been nothing but a burden from day one. Getting kidnaped by werewolves, almost eaten by vampires, I had to watch the people I love die, like Jo and Ellen because they told me to go and protect you. They are dead because of you!” He accused you as he threw you aside, with you nearly falling to your feet. You try to catch your breath while trying to not let Dena’s horrible cruel remarks get to you. He knows how much Jo and Ellen’s death weighed on you. You were very close with both women, and it hurt so much to see them die like they did. Like Sam, they never deserved a fate like that. You never once believed it was your fault, until Dean that night told you that Jo and Ellen had made Dean promised to protect you. Which is why he focused more on you than the others. Since then, Dean had held a horrible grudge against you. He blamed you for his friends’ deaths. You often wonder if he would trade your life for them in a heartbeat. Knowing how much Dean hated you, he most defiantly would. As the air grew cold and brittle, Dean held out his hand as he glowered at you. “Give me your cellphone.” He demanded while importantly holding out his hand to you.

“Why?” you asked and then Dean’s blood really boiled more as you kept making him wait.

“Just do it!” He yelled and you did as he asked and grabbed your phone and placed it in his hand. Dean then dropped it and proceeded to smash it with his foot on to your phone, making the sight made you gasp in shock, Dean continued to smash your phone repeatedly until it was broken into hundreds of tiny pieces.

“Why did you do that!? That was my only phone!” You yelled with hot angry tears streaming down your face. Had Dean lost his mind?

“So you don’t try to contact me or anyone else I may care about. I don’t want nor do I need to hear from you again. You made me sacrifice my friends and my brother’s lives for you and so many others before them. The least you can do is never contact me again and get on that bus to wherever the hell it’s going because I am done throwing my life away for you. If you want to die on a hunt, be my guest! I don’t need you dragging me ever again.” He huffed out with so much anger and hatred, you wanted to die right then and there. Never in your wildest dreams did you think Dean hated you this much. It was killing you just hearing these horrible things being said to you by a man you once called a friend. “Once more, you can’t put Bobby, Jody, or anyone else’s life in danger because of you. You’re not worth it, princess! You never were! So why don’t you just take that fucking bag yours, get on that fucking bus and get the hell out of my life!”

You paused for one moment, still trying to process at what Dean was telling you. That he never cared, nor did he see you as anything but a damn burden and deadweight. Hell, he would probably dance on your ashes if you were to die the next day. After everything you went through, after everything you had sacrificed to help the boys stop Lucifer from ending the world, you think Dean would have acknowledge some tender emotions for you. Not as a lover, but as a friend or a sister maybe. No, instead all you received was a deep seeded hatred that was birthed only from the very notion that you weren’t good enough for the great Dean Winchester.

With a very heavy heart and cascading tears, you did as Dean said and picked up your bag and threw the strap over your shoulders and walked to the bus station. Dean watched with a stoic expression as you walked away from him. Walking up to the bus as the driver opened the doors for you.

“Where to, miss?” The white old man asked with a kind smile as he looked at you. You then looked behind you and looked at Dean one last time and saw that his hatful scowl on his face had never left and folded his arms in a way that screamed ‘You better get on that bus or else.’. With a single heavy sigh of bitter defeat, you looked back at the old man with a sad smile.

“Anywhere but here, please.” You requested.

“East coast it is, then.” He said as you walked up into the bus, showed him your bus pass, and walked to the back of the bus. You looked around and saw that there was only two people on the bus. A man in his mid-forties was taking a nap and an older woman who looked like she was reading a book. The buss doors closed, and the bus then started to move and out of the station. You look back the bus stop one last time to see Dean climbing into his Impala and pulling his car out of the bus station. You watch as Dean’s black car drive the opposite direction. As far away from you as humanly possible, just like Dean wanted. To go and live his perfect life he always craved. Leaving you with no phone, no contacts, and no friends to lean on. As you watched the night sky fly by through, you thought about where you were going and what you were going to do. You didn’t know nor did you care. You were alone to not only to wallow in your grief for Sam, but also for Dean abandoning you. For to completely be caught of from the people you loved and tried so hard to protect. It made you wonder if you a better hunter, fought harder, and able to save Jo and Ellen. Maybe even Sam, and even if it meant sacrificing your own life. As Dean said, you weren’t worth it. Never will you obtain the love nor the friendship that he had to offer others. Your cries became silent sobs as the bus continued to drive further away until you passed a sign that said, “You are now leaving Kansas.”

This was it, you were leaving Kansas. The only home you ever knew. Nothing was stopping from what was happening right now. Never again were you going to see Dean or Sam every again. You felt it in your bones and it broke you, never sure if you were ever going to be whole again.

Never knowing if Dean would ever be able to love you like you loved him.

Maybe, just maybe, it was never to be.

Part 2

#dean winchester #dean winchester angst #angst with a happy ending #unrequited love #angst #supernatural #requited love #fluff eventual-fluff #sad reader

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thesporkidentity · 4 months

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an incomplete list of texts i sent as i slowly lost my mind over the second book of rivers of london, because i fully intend to drag at least one more person into this pit with me. come read with me i promise you're gonna feel so good and normal over this book, come closer

wow okay peter remains the absolute horniest bastard ever. is he a tits or an ass man? yes

oh we are just getting the surface levels hints of nightingales MOUNTAIN of unresolved PTSD and i am very 🥺

you ever feel like a character was written specifically to appeal to you? i'm getting so many tantalizing hints and i KNOW he's going to destroy because he's catnip. he is bait specifically designed to hurt my feelings

also his description makes me think of lee pace or like, 90s/00s paul mcgann and that's just Very Good and i'm being deeply not normal about it

also nightingale reads as SO queer to me, and the potential in fic to explore what that means insofar as how he has navigated the changing landscape of queerness from 1900 to present day is so tantalizing. i don't care that the author says he's not, in this case the author is wrong lol

i must say, i do not care for simone. if we absolutely MUST have hetersexual nonsense in this book i would like beverly back please. she was cool and not a cheating homewrecking jazz groupie lol

still not impressed with simone. i mean, far be it from me to judge a woman's grieving process and all, but she doesn't seem very broken up over her within-the-week dead lover. i mean, i LOVE peter and all and he's hot shit, but immediately falling into bed with him? sus

in conclusion bring 👏 bev 👏 back 👏

also peter, buddy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

he's a disaster so even though i'm screaming DON'T DO THAT i am unsurprised he is being led around by his dick by a beautiful woman throwing herself at him

but i just. i Don't Trust Her. she doesn't make sense, and i can't tell if this is a case of male author writing wish fulfillment and thus not giving the hot girl adequate motivation of her own

or whether i AM supposed to find it suspicious the way she basically doesn't mourn the man she homewrecked who died very suddenly and then IMMEDIATELY jumps into bed with the magic cop investigating his very probable murder

and i REALIZE the only way to find out is to keep reading, it's just frustrating that women are written poorly so often that, even if he's written good women before, i still have to debate with this is a subtle clue or just Male Author Syndrome

oh my god he finally twigs that this may be weird behavior. peter. bud.

at least he got it before trying to sneak her past folly wards?

side note: god lesley really got the short end of the stick. like, her face fell off, her teeth are a fucking mess, and she probably has brain damage. she got royally shafted

peter "i'm totally straight" grant, talking about how he wants to take a muscly guy by the shoulders and kiss his cheeks and making sure to mention how many phone numbers her got while canvasing the gay bar.

hmm sure, jan

look i KNOW peter is Incredibly Horny All The Time when near any attractive woman, but simone appears from NOWHERE half dressed while he's canvassing for the jazz vampire and he just skives off like that? while looking for a potential killer? that doesn't seem like him he's not that irresponsible. that smells like conspiracy and glamour and i don't trust herrrrrrr

like, peter was already horny wanting to motorboat mama thames (lol don't think i didn't catch that pun) last book. but this book has been a whole new level of horny, and peter may be distractible but not THAT distractible surely

another side note. i love molly and nightingale's weird friendship they've developed living basically with just each other for decades.

oh jesus that's fucked up

oh the severed head is talking

oh. oh no. it got worse

peter, darling, beloved, is now REALLY the time to be talking about how hot your boss is? like i appreciate your dedication to the thirst but time and place, bud

oh never mind i forgive you nightingale is so fucking cool, i get it, i love him

he's so good. the most tragic backstory and perfect stiff upper lip old fashioned english gentleman on the outside, and then just below the surface he's a daredevil and a bit of a bitch and he fucking CARES just SO MUCH and have i mentioned how much the casterbrook wall HURTS ME?? this was revealed in the last book but i just remembered it and it stabbed me again

okay i'm done

i feel like peter has miscalculated making a deal with his cousin to teach her if she aces latin. that's gonna come back to bite lol hope you like teaching too smart for their own good teenagers cuz that's gonna be your life now

"but sir, what do we do if you die??!" "well, that doesn't seem like it will be my problem at that point :)" he's such a bitch sometimes and i LOVE him, mother

ohhhhh. oh no. the pale lady looked like molly and now molly is obviously not okay after she died, that resemblance wasn't just coincidence she definitely knew her 😢

and this is the first person peter has killed, no matter how accidentally. and nightingale is back in the hospital with his chest infection. wow everyone is just having a terrible time right now

okay. i realize that as a memory for him this probably isn't a GOOD one, it's from the war and probably much scarier and MUCH more traumatizing than he makes it sound with his dry narration of it. but god. nightingale knocked out two TANKS. by himself. with his mind. fucking sexy lol

oh damn it why can't they just let me be horny about how powerful he is instead of immediately following it with the fact that he was rear guard and making emotional that it means he was the one trusted to watch over and protect the rest of his men while they retreated as that one final shield between them and enemy fire

hhhhhhhholy shit what did simone DO to mama grant???!!!!

she just bitch slapped her!

OH MY GOD SHE TRIED TO HOMEWRECK HIS PARENTS TOO???

she's PLAUSIBLY IMMORTAL???

fuck i was right she was sketchy as hell!!

she's a fucking jazz vampire and she's been glamouring and sucking him dry! buddy, get to dr walid STAT for a brain scan and make sure she's not turning you into cauliflower!

peter don't you make excuses for her you KNOW it's possible, stop lying about your mum and trying to make her feel better you need to take her in she's a m u r d e r e r

i mean, glamour yes i realize but god, frustrating

good lad peter, i see you fighting it 💪🏾

ohhhhhhhh. oh fuck. she didn't KNOW. she didn't know she was from the 40s and killing people. oh this is bad

nightingale, attempting to show concern: "that was not the most intelligent thing you've done" xD 10/10 nailed it buddy

umm, nightingale? this may not be the black and white moral situation you think it is to go in guns blazing...

it's both funny and little sad how militant both molly and dr walid are when nightingale is injured like. i do LOVE when the person who is SUPPOSEDLY in charge gets lovingly bullied, but it hurts because that's also probably the ONLY way to make him take care of himself is if they FORCE him. and peter's not any better, he's gonna need bullying too

i do love when they team up though. molly and nightingale ganging up against peter like. nightingale gets the special treatment and a hot cocoa from molly, but peter gets the dog's leash and smug little "i'm on bedrest :)" or nightingale foisting the rest of his kidney pie on peter while molly is out of the room then grabbing his empty plate back to pretend he ate it all himself when she returns xD

the cases are interesting and all, but i think it's the core characters that are really the standout of the novel and the reason i keep reading even while i'm asking myself things like, but WHY is she killing via vagina dentata instead of literally any other assassination method? i think it's also why simone stood out so much. she HAD no background that we were told (until now) aside from being sexy. which of course i now know was intentional

"this is your brain, which is not only clean and unsullied by thought..." i love dr walid. it probably says something about me that my favorite characters all have to be at least a little bit of a bitch

oh no i'm having feeeeeelings about both nightingale and peter trying to keep the other out of the vampire raid to shield them from the emotional effects of it, just from opposite ends. nightingale doesn't want peter to have the pain of ANOTHER death on his hands, this one purposeful as opposed to the accidental death of the pale lady, so he's trying to just cut him out of it. and then peter ALSO doesn't want NIGHTINGALE to have the weight of more deaths on his soul and wants to protect him from what he sees as the unfortunate necessity of having to off someone who isn't intentionally hurting someone but still may be too dangerous to live. nightingale trying to save peter from his bleeding heart and peter saving nightingale from his practicality overriding his morality 😭 i just love when characters try to take care of each other in mirrored ways

uh...uh oh peter...no i don't think those are the police OR nightingale's paratrooper buddies

okay the audiobook is fucking excellent though, his infomercial voice while extolling the virtues of doc martins is KILLING me

oh this posh wanker. "oh what is feeding on people but another form of exploitation, and we all know there's nothing wrong with exploiting workers, equality is morally bankrupt anyway" god i hate you already you're insufferable

like of COURSE a dining club oxford nose wipe would think that way. he thinks he's sooooo slick and original with his chimeras they're such exciting new COL crimes but it all just boils down the the exact same rich white bullshit mentality

he would hate it if he realized how dull and banal his villainy is once you strip back the shock value of the trappings. just another entitled prick who views people as things, fuck this dude

i'd be tempted to say the faceless man's signare smelling like pork was a dig at david cameron and piggate if i didn't know it was written a few years too early for that lol

peter: oh no nightingale is going to give me SUCH a bollocking nightingale, obviously so relieved he's alive: very much does NOT give him a bollocking and instead tells him how impressive it is that he didn't just immediately die against the faceless man

"for a terrifying moment i thought he was going to huge me, but fortunately we both remembered we were english just in time. still, it was a close call" 🤣🤣🤣

oh ouch peter. just use all his dead friends against him. effective but also, low blow

god he wants so badly for peter to be right, too, that they and HE doesn't have to kill anyone anymore, that how that it's not Just Him ALl Alone they might have the support structure for other options. oh no i want this to work so badly so that hope is validated, but i just know something is gonna go wrong

welp

i didn't like her but i didn't want her fuckin DEAD you know?

and now the ones left standing have to deal with the trauma and the fallout

oh lesley :( they're both trying so hard to be normal about it and they're such good friends 🥺

LESLEY DO MAGIC?

LESLEY JOIN TEAM FOLLY???!!

also don't think you've been sneaky there and that i haven't noticed SOME sort of thematic symmetry of lesley struggling with having lost her face involuntarily from magic, and the faceless man having voluntarily masked himself. involuntary vs voluntary loss of identity. i'm sure there will be more parallels in the next book but like. i see you. i see you setting up face themes with these two

hopefully with lesley regaining her face somehow and thus reclaiming identity while the faceless man is unmasked thus losing the identity he built for himself and revealing the true one he hid. maybe hopefully? i want good things for lesley and bad things for the faceless one.

#rivers of london #under a readmore because it's so long and i don't want to owe even MORE of an apology to everyone in the tag than i already do

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flownwrong · 5 months

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happy wincest wednesday alina! I'm sending this around a few boxes today. What movie that you've seen would you like to see sam and dean in, and how much do you have to mangle them to get them in there? are they having a good time? DO. THEY. KISS.????

happy ww nige! what a question haha

well it depends i guess on whether in there is like, an au/fusion or a full crossover

i think i'd love to see them in an it follows setup actually! it's basically a ready-made fuck or die (or in this case i guess DON'T FUCK or die lol) setup

in an imaginary s3 i'd put them on the case: a trail of bodies connected in ways both obvious and not; how they figure it out is irrelevant, but just imagine—

an entity able to take shapes meaningful to you follows you at a slow but dreadfully intent pace because of a one night stand you had; nobody but you (or people previously afflicted and still alive) can see it; you have to be on the run until you figure out how to kill the thing (let's pretend for a nebulous wincesty reason you don't have an immediately available solution); you know the thing will prey on whoever you sleep with next; you got the hots for your brother, and he's going to hell.

your brother would probably like to see whatever is hunting you instead of taking shots in the dark. is probably hellbent on it even because he's due for a trip to hell soon and he needs you safe period. but if you do sleep together you'd both read some kind of obligation into each other's decisions. from his perspective, he's finishing what he started, making sure that when the deal comes through you're truly and fully safe and free. make no mistake, he wants you bad. but he's probably very focused on the idea he's talked you into it and you accepted because you'll give him anything before he leaves. from your perspective, lost in your pre-grieving, he's going through with it because of his obsession with your safety, and he'll give you anything before he leaves.

I can't figure out more sound reasoning for it to happen, mine doesn't sell the idea that well, but hell, however they work it out, it will lead to one fraught and complicated sex scene.

anyway! you have this miserable fuck, you can now both see the thing, but you also both realise now there was more than duty and desperation in there, but discussing it is a moot point now, right? the deal is still just around the corner. uh oh! get on the pain train!

bonus point if the creature takes some ouchy and confusing shapes. jess or mary for sam? dad and so help me god ruby for dean? and like. IT DOESN'T TALK. it doesn't taunt you. it just... follows. coming for you. because you fucked someone for an arguably wrong reason (if we run with my sam triggered it premise, from his perspective the wrong reason would probably be losing sight of his obsessive save dean quest. although then why did he do it in the first—quick, hit that post button before you talk yourself out of it Alina!!). and you can't stop it.

bonus point two if they figure out what to do with the creature just in time to realise they didn't need to both see it after all. wow! awkward!

short answer: THEY. DO. KISS. but they have a pretty bad time :(

also, wow, that thought got away from me. all I took from the movie is the monster concept. uh. sorry!

#spn #wincest #wincest wednesday

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boyloversxo · 30 days

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but what if the thing your working towards is unattainable or you used to have the thing and then fucked everything up and lost it

ill tell you a story

it was only two years ago that I met a guy. he was amazing. literally anything I could have ever wanted in a guy, he was, and I fell in love with him immediately. he felt the same way about me. it was crazy because I hadn't a clue as to why he wouldve chose me to begin with, let alone that quickly, but he did, and both of us were happy. I've told him secrets I still have yet to tell anyone else, same with him. I've done insane things to be with him. I was 16 but absolutely insane for this guy.

my previous boyfriend had cheated on my during our entire relationship. it was scary because I had no idea he had been doing it until he told me himself in a spur of the moment confession. he'd been perfect too but that all crumbled down so quickly and it shattered me. so I was so scared to lose this guy, and I knew he had other people who liked him, so in order to keep him around I treated him like shit. I wouldn't let him talk to anyone in private, I either had to be there or he had to have records of the entire interaction and if he didn't I threatened to break up with him and did but only for like a day before he apologized to me. I told him these were my "boundaries" and spent a while convincing (manipulating) him to agree to them.

it eventually got to be too much for him and he broke up with me. I spiralled. I freaked out on him and threatened to kill his new boyfriend (who happened to be my best friend). he later told me there'd been a chance that the three of us could have a relationship together but that I'd ruined it when I said that. I didn't mean it of course, I'd never hurt anyone, let alone my best friend. but that's what hurt so much. a meaningless hollow threat I'd made during the heat of the moment destroyed my chance to be with the guy of my dreams.

it took me a bit of grieving but eventually a few weeks later I reflected on what happened. I realized that I was the problem, that I never wanted to hurt him but it was all I knew to do because I was so afraid of losing him to someone else. it ended up being the reason I lost him to someone else. I stayed out of relationships for about a year and a half, spending my time healing and thinking about what I'd done and how I could heal myself so that I wouldn't freak out on the next person I date. turns out I have bad BPD that I was receiving no therapy for, so it festered inside me that whole time. not saying that people with BPD are as abusive as I was, I just had emotions and breakdowns that came from that that I didn't understand so it ended up turning into that.

fast forward a few months, I'm in a very happy relationship with a new guy who is just as special as my other guy was. I give him space. I let him talk to people. yes there are times I'll admit where I get my fur ruffled up, but I vent it out through jokes and he reassures me that I'm his. I'm a very different person from who I was before, and yes, I did apologize to the other guy. I let him know that what I did was wrong and that I was healing from it and trying to change, and that nothing I did was his fault, that he was a victim, and that he shouldn't let what I did to him affect how he goes into his future relationships. he's forgiven me and we don't talk anymore

every so often I'll think about him, about what we had. his pictures. his art. his little crafts. he loved playing guitar. he has a little sister. his skin is the most perfect shade of chocolate brown you could ever see. sometimes I yearn for it and miss it. it used to make me sad. but its bittersweet now, because as I look at it, he was a trial. I was in a bad place, he happened to be there for me at the wrong time, and I hurt him. but he showed me how not to love. he showed me how not to keep them around. I had to lose someone as perfect as him to be perfect for someone who is just as important to me.

my whole point is, sometimes things are unattainable. sometimes you do lose things. but it's up to you to make the most of it. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong- I'm just saying that nothing right has happened yet so far, but that doesn't mean it wont. you need to be patient and be self reflective, pay attention to how you're approaching things and how things are turning out. don't be afraid to change and don't be afraid to lose people. whoever you're pining for, they're not the only one. if you know you cant have them, you need to move on. losing someone is never inherently a bad thing. its one of the best things that's ever happened to me, because it made me a better lover and person, and it gave me a story and a lesson to pass down to someone like you. I promise there is love for you, waiting, or it might even already be here. you just need to keep holding on. its there, I promise.

if you ever need to talk feel free to dm me on here or on my main. Id like to hear more about your specific situation so that I can better help you, if you're comfortable and/or feel you need that. if not, I hope you can take something away from this and use it to help you. it used to be hard to admit this all but Ive made peace with it and I'm hoping it can help at least someone.

#asks #anon #not an mlm post #kieran speaks #tw vent #just tagging this as a vent cuz this is a pretty heavy post n it's kind of out of character for this blog

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rainydaydragonageimagines · 1 year

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Divinely Unlucky (Iron Bull x Levellan reader)

Summary: your lover died in the conclave. Iron bull has just come forward saying that he wishes to form a relationship with you. Yours terrified

You stared at Iron Bull from your desk, shocked at the words that flew from his mouth. "Bull, what?" You asked. "I... I don't know I just.. I can't get you out of my head. You're always in there. Just... I feel something for you Y/n, something strong." He admitted.

You could hear Viktor's voice. "I love you."

"No." You breathed, putting down your papers. "Bull I-I can't. I can't I'm sorry." You said. You seemed weirdly freaked out. "I can't." You repeated. You left him alone, him standing there. Under normal circumstances, he'd be crushed. But there was something about your reaction that seemed... off. It wasn't like you were rejecting him. It was like you were saying that, to yourself.

Iron Bull went to a source he knew would help him. Your best friend in the Inquisition who seemed to know the details of your life. "Dorian, can I talk to you?" He asked. Dorian looked over his shoulder. "No, I don't want to- what was it Y/n said: 'Ride the bull'." Dorian stated before going back to his book. "No, not that. It's about Y/n though." He sighed. Dorian put down his book. "What about her?" Dorian asked. "I really like Y/n. And I told her this. I'm not exactly a man who likes to beat around the bush here- but Y/n had a really strange reaction. She seemed... terrified." He explained. Dorian nodded knowingly. "She could be grieving Viktor still." Dorian said. "Who?" Bull asked.

"Viktor." Varric said, walking over. "He was the man that went with her to the conclave. Her lover." Varric said. Iron bull blinked. "She lost someone?" He asked. "Ever since Adamant... she's blamed herself for it all. She's been having god awful nightmares. Half of the time, she sleeps in my room because she needs to feel something real when it happens." Dorian explained.

Iron Bull was aware that you had nightmares. He used to share a tent with you when you were back in Haven. You wouldn't be too loud, you'd simply wake up and stay that way. Iron bull discovered though that when he touched you in that state, you'd calm down. You'd sleep again.

"What did she say anyway?" Dorian asked. "She said no. That she couldn't." Iron Bull said. Dorian frowned. "She what?" "Didn't you hear him Sparkler, she rejected him." Varric said. "Y/n is crazy about- Give me a moment." Dorian sighed getting up.

You had gone out alone, sitting in the Dales by a river. Dorian knew you had a tendency to do that when you needed to think. You heard someone sit next to you as you pulled your legs to your face. "Iron Bull said that he confessed his feelings to you." Dorian said, looking at the water. You didn't say anything. "He also said that you rejected him." Dorian added. You didn't say anything, putting your head against your knees.

"Y/n, darling. Talk to me." He said. "I break everything I touch." You whispered. Dorian looked at you confused. "What?" Dorian asked. "I kill everything around me, I'm like a fucking wildfire that's out of control! I caused a massacre, I got Hawke killed, Viktor is dead because of me!" You cried, tears slipping down your cheeks. "What happened at the Conclave is not your fault Y/n!" Dorian said. "You saw the vision! If I hadn't gotten involved-" "Then Coreypheous would've won." Dorian halted. "You did not cause that explosion." Dorian insisted. "But we saw-" "Y/n, Viktor would not want you to dwell on this! You didn't do anything wrong- fuck I'd argue you actually did the right thing by trying to save the divine!" Dorian said. You closed your eyes.

"Hawke wouldn't want you to feel like this either." Dorian added. You looked at Dorian. "I might not have known him. But I could tell how fucking stubborn that man was from the beginning. There was no changing his mind. It was him or Stroud." Dorian said. You let out a shaking breath. "Varric hates me." You muttered.

"He does not hate you. If he did, he wouldn't be behind us at the camp." Dorian said. You looked behind you seeing Varric and Bull sitting at a campfire. "Y/n, you are a blessing in all of our lives. You said you were like a fire. You are but you're not out of control. You burn so fucking bright it's almost inspiring in its own way." Dorian said. You looked at him. "It's time to move on. It's okay." Dorian assured. "What if he gets hurt?" You asked quietly. "Then it won't be because of you. Damn oaf is rather clumsy. Watched him get stuck in a doorway yesterday." Dorian said making you let out a small laugh. Dorian wrapped his arm around you and you laid your head on his shoulder.

"You realize you spent the past five minutes complimenting someone other than yourself." You said. "Oh yes because I'm worthy of Sainthood." He insisted making you laugh.

When you finally moved from your spot, you approached Iron Bull. "Can I talk to you?" You asked. Iron bull nodded, getting up. "Back in Skyhold-" "It's okay, I'm fine-" "I didn't mean it. Bull I... I care for you too." You admitted. He felt relieved. "But it's hard for me right now. I just uhm... I don't know how to do this. I used to but it seems I've got a lot to learn." You admitted. "If it helps, I don't know a damn thing about relationships outside of sex. So..." he said. You chuckled. "I'd say you actually have things figured out." You admitted. "How so?" Iron bull asked.

"You said you knew what you were doing because you simply give your partner what they need. It seems I need to learn that." You said. "I don't need anything." He halted. "Well-" "Outside of your support, I don't need you to do anything Y/n." He assured. You smiled at him. "Bull." You breathed. "I love you." You said.

He didn't kiss you. Instead he hugged you, simply holding you for a while. "I love you too, Kadan." He said softly. You pulled away, looking at him confused. "'Kadan'? What's that?" You asked. "My heart." He said softly. You could've melted on the spot with how sweet he was. "And for the record, I agree with Dorian. You don't break anything. You fix it." He said. You let out a small chuckle. "I'll believe that when I see it." You muttered.

He rose a brow, lifting you up. "What the- Bull what are you doing?" You asked. "Look at the plains. What do you see?" He asked. "Nothing- Maybe a few Halla, seriously Bull what are you-" "exactly" he said, setting you down. You looked at him confused. "When we got here, you couldn't take a single step without something trying to kill you. But now, you can see nothing. You can explore because you fixed it. Like I said. You fix things. Not break them." He said.

You looked back at the Plains, a breeze brushing your face. He was right. You had fixed it. "Can I... Have a moment before we go back?" You asked. He nodded, kissing your head before walking back to the camp.

You exhaled. "I never do this so... okay." You muttered. "I miss you Vik. More than anything, sometimes it's unbearable. I'm finding that it's easier to live now without you here and that scares the fuck out of me... but I know you and I know your philosophical ass. I know you wouldn't want me to hold on like this.... so I guess the reason I'm talking to air right now is... because I'm letting you know that I'm moving on." You spoke. Another breeze caressed your face and you closed your eyes. "I'll always keep you with me. I just can't keep driving myself crazy with what might've been." You muttered.

You felt at peace all of a sudden. You were met with the odd sensation that let you know that you'd be okay. You were going to be okay.

You opened your eyes turning back to the camp to see the three friends waiting. "I love those idiots. All of them." You muttered before walking with them.

You felt someone looking at you though for a moment and you turned. For a brief moment, only a second... you swore you saw Viktor one last time.

Iron Bull put a hand on your shoulder and you looked up. "What do you wanna do boss?" He asked. You looked back at the spot, nothing being there. You looked back at your group.

"Let's go home"

#iron bull #dorian pavus #varric tethras #dragon age #iron bull x inquisitor #iron bull x lavellan #iron bull x reader

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evanox · 4 months

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THEH RELEASED A TEASWR FOR THE NEW PJO SERIES!!!! IM THROWING UPPPO I LOVE ITTTTT

alright I’m calm now (lie)

So when you first sent this many months ago, I didn't know there was a trailer so I only found out through your ask. I was so, so incredibly excited when I watched it I didn't know how to put that excitement into words and thus couldn't get to your ask right away. Then I kept forgetting, and then forgetfulness turned into embarrassment because how could I answer this ask after leaving it for so long? In light of Rick Riordan's recent statement on the Palestinian genocide, however, I think there's no better time to get back to this ask than now. Do forgive me for using your dust-laden ask as a chance to vent out my frustration.

PJO was a huge part of my childhood; it was my introduction to fandom life as I set up my tumblr back in 2015 and followed any cool PJO blog I could find while also making my own shitposts. All of my first online friends were people I found through PJO, some of whom I'm still friends with to this day. Even as I started losing interest and distanced myself from the fandom, I still found myself seeking out PJO/PJO-inspired rp blogs to join because that's how much I loved the world of demigods.

So you can imagine how excited I was to hear that there's a more faithful adaptation of the series, one that Riordan himself approved of (unlike the-movie-that-shall-not-be-named). You can also imagine how Rick has very much fallen from my eyes, as has anyone who still puts him up on a pedestal and chooses to support him, after his statement.

When you don't know enough about something, the reasonable thing to do is A. educate yourself before speaking out on it, or B. literally just shut up. I find it very ironic how Rick made sure to establish at the very start of his statement that he's just too busy for social media, so busy he does not "read posts, reply to posts, or share [his] thoughts about world events," but I guess he still finds himself qualified to step up and preach about what's happening in Palestine. Palestinian journalists have lost their lives documenting Israel's atrocities (before and after October 7); families can no longer grieve in peace because they have to hold up their dead children before cameras in hopes that people will think we deserve basic human rights; after everything everyone has done to amplify their voices, I do not know he could come up with a take this bad. Maybe if Rick took a nice proper scroll through social media before taking on the moral high ground, he'd be singing a different tune.

He claims that fanmail was his window to both sides of the conflict but it's hard to believe he's been receiving mail from many Palestinian and Israeli children in the past 18 years when his contact information from as far back as 2011 mentions that his writing schedule had gotten too intense to keep up with fanmail, and his most recent contact information page says he's straight up not accepting fanmail anymore, physical or otherwise (I assume that was back in 2019-2020 since he mentioned remote work and safety measure related to the pandemic, but I could be wrong). Call me cynical but it's hard to take seriously his implication that children of both sides have come to him about losing family members to violence and waking up to the sound of gunshots and bombs when I've had to watch Israeli settlers take to tiktok along with their kids to make a mockery out of Palestinian suffering and flex having the basic resources Palestinians have no access to, while every video update filmed by Palestinians is backed by the sound of military surveillance drones hovering over their heads night and day. Israeli settlers get to make cutesy tiktoks about looking for gluten-free flour while Palestinian kids are digging for their toys under the rubble of their homes and gathering in hundreds and thousands to beg for a few spoonfuls of soup. The only bread they could bake is from the fire fed by debris from the wreckage of their homes. Yeah, both sides sure are suffering the same hell :((

"If there are two sides to this issue, those sides are not Palestinian/Israeli or Muslim/Jewish. The two sides are humanitarian and dehumanizing." Actually, there are two sides to this and they're "genocidal illegal ethnostate" and "native people who were minding their business in their own land, welcomed survivors of the Holocaust with open arms, only to find themselves getting pushed out of their homes for the coming century." Not choosing a side (or preaching about how you're on the side of humanitarianism) puts you on the side of oppressor, period.

"It is easy to point to atrocities committed by our enemies, while justifying or minimizing the atrocities committed by ourselves or our allies." Boy you're outta your mind if you think anything committed by Palestinian resistance is in any way, shape, or form equitable to Israel's crimes in the past 75 years. It's hilarious how he can admit that what Israel is committing is genocide but goes on to say that Israel deserves "security and support," but I guess Hamas isn't deserving of the same sentiment when it retaliates to 75 years of terrorism and ethnic cleansing. The best Palestinians deserve is "international aid," not like the very Israel you support has been blocking off any aid people have been trying to get into Palestine.

"If violence could end violence, if we could put an end to 'those other people' once and for all, human history would read very differently than it does," has the same energy as going bUt mArTiN LuThEr KiNg Jr BeLiEvEd iN nOnViOLeNcE while actively ignoring that he did end up getting assassinated at the end of the day, and also the fact that his message of nonviolence has gotten distorted over the years to villainize those who resist in a way that disturbs white peace a lil too much.

Never mind the fact that peaceful resistance has never paid off against Israel. Never mind the fact that Israel has been using "Hamas hides behind civilians!!!" excuse to blow up hospitals, schools, refugee camps, and homes when in reality they don't know jackshit about where Hamas is, and every claim at knowing the location of their bases turned out to be a ridiculously stupid lie. Never mind the fact that Israel has admitted to killing its own people because "they kinda looked like Palestinian civilians ig lol" and they're just too trigger-happy. Does that sound like a "country" that gives a horse's ass about peace to you?

And just like that, he goes back to promoting his book and talking about his trip in the same blog post, like talking about Palestine/Israel is a chore he checks off his list to make sure we all know what a good guy he is.

So yeah, I am sad that I won't be able to enjoy a show I was so looking forward to (and it does look really good), but I am a Muslim Palestinian before I am a fan, and we're all human at the end of the day. You have to be a special kind of ignorant (or racist, or straight-up heartless) to see what we've already seen and still preach about "peace (and a two-state solution teehee)<33" being the only acceptable solution.

Maybe it's because I don't have as many PJO mutuals as I did back in late 2010s, but I haven't really seen many people speak out about this on tumblr which is why I think it's still worth talking about even when this isn't the type of post I'd normally write. Please boycott the show (or like do me a favor and block me/don't put that shit on my dash if we're mutuals). I've always admired Riordan as a kid so the least he could do is pull his head out of the ground and take a proper good look at what's actually happening in the world.

#percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #rick riordan #percy jackson series #percy jackson disney+#percy jackson show #pjo tv show

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eleanore-delphinium · 9 months

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Oh what are the ideas for the fic ur thinking about for damirae ? 🙃

I will start with, I have always been a loyal DamiRae shipper. But this, this one, I am bending a little. Well, a little bit more.

This is more JayRae feat. Damirae, but I think you could say it could be the other way around too.

Spoilers ahead.

WARNING: Major Character Death, Manipulation

And there are 2 ideas...

Falling for Raven

It starts off at night, in a forest, with a man running. It's in his POV.

And he just keeps swearing. A wooden cabin comes to view and he ran to it and hurriedly entered .

And more swearing as he kicked and punched the wall. Shattering something.

And then cut to-- a bunch of DamiRae scenes.

I'm thinking, how they met, and I'm thinking they met at 13. Then it shows some of their little cute moments as their ages progressed.

How they clearly wanted to get married to each other and loved each other so much. Maybe even made plans to get married. And some of their intimate moments too-maybe.

How she grieved at 19 when she lost Damian Wayne.

And there is a beach scene where Raven kept staring at the sea, the sun has not yet set but was low at the horizon.

How she wanted to follow him because Damian was lost at sea. He was on a mission and something went wrong with the jet. She wasn't there in that mission. He told everyone to evacuate but he stayed.

And they lost him in the ocean to be never found again.

She started walking into the ocean, in a straight line.

Jason had actually followed her worried but stayed from a distance and saw her walking into the ocean with her clothes still on, minus the shoes she left on the shore.

He ran to her but she was gone by the time he reached the shore and called her name.

Then she was suddenly beside him, "Jason?"

He was startled as he looked to his left. Raven was wet and still wore her clothes.

They were sitting now, looking at the sunset as the calm waves washed the sand.

She confessed to him that she wanted to follow Damian wherever he was. How life was so hard without him. But she also knew that he'd want her to be happy and move on.

She confessed too that if she had found his body maybe she'd do everything to resurrect him.

And then, she'd say, she probably still wouldn't. Because she knew that that version of her was something her boyfriend would not want her to become too.

How she still struggles everyday over the lost of him.

And then--

"Jason? What's wrong?" Raven said and we are brought back to the cabin. In the darkness of the cabin that has become a mess.

The man froze.

"You're bleeding, Why'd you suddenly run off?" She asked and the man turned looking defeated to reveal Jason Todd.

He fell in love with his dead brother's girlfriend. He didn't know when, but he just realized it now.

She was confused but closed the distance between them. And with every step. And with every thought he had.

She realized what was the matter.

Damian was gone for almost 6 years, and somehow Jason's gaze toward her changed.

Raven took a step back, visibly rattled.

"Don't say anything." He said and the two stared at one another, "Please let me say it."

Silence.

"I'm in love with you, Raven." He confessed.

Then I was thinking that is how this ends...

Because I want to leave the readers hanging with an open ending. Did they or did they not? Who knows...

And also I was planning that it was revealed that the POV in the DamiRae scenes was actually Jason and the intimate parts were his assumptions. Though I don't know how I will be able to pull that off.

But maybe I would be able to... considering I wrote The Engagement, Pillow Talk and Heart of Stone.... idk man... (check them out if you haven't)

But,

I do see this scene too.

In a graveyard, maybe a few days later, Raven is talking to Damian, needing help and guidance.

Then maybe a few months after, she is with Jason at his grave, and in the distance, there is a man in black watching them.

Now, the second idea.

What If You Came Back?

This one could just be loosely connected to the first one. But not necessarily the same timeline.

Raven is already dating Jason but Damian suddenly came back.

It was confusing. Jason knew that he was nothing in comparison to Damian and was ready to let her go even though it hurt and he didn't want to.

Raven and Damian are on a couch and were talking. And she caressed his face and asked for one last kiss.

But as her lips drew closer to his, she froze. She couldn't.

She said her goodbye to him and them.

She is then seen waiting outside of Jason's apartment.

"I was with Damian," She told him.

He tried to ignore her and she could smell the alcohol around him like perfume as he attempted to open his door.

Jason just wanted her to be over with it. But he also couldn't tell her to. He was certain she was gonna tell him that she was leaving him for Damian.

She slowly opens up about this situation and Jason is just quiet. He is facing his door but no longer attempting to open it.

"I will always love him. He will always have a place in my heart." Raven finally said and Jason closed his eyes, what he was waiting for was finally coming. "Would that be okay with you?"

Jason was shocked.

Ultimately she choose him and they kissed, the door was open and they continue on inside, and he asked her, "Are you sure you want me?"

Or something. And then the end. Oh, she said yes.

And then I was like, but imagine Damian gave them his blessing and asked Raven if he could give her off in their wedding. Which she happily accepted.

And also rather symbolic because he supports the relationship. And her dad is a dick so why would she want him to give her away.

Then I was also like, but what if, in the wedding, he gives her off, then wham bam, stabs Jason, kidnapped Raven, and made her forget everything after his death and Raven and Damian have a happy ending.

The last bit, is just a thought. Very Dark I Know.

This isn't the first time I thought of a JayRae fic, but the second one being them being the endgame is a first.

And I feel so unfaithful. DamiRae is OTP. Forgive me this once guys. But you can hate me too.

But the running in the forest and all is plaguing me. I want to write the frustration, make you think it was Damian and then be shocked as fuck that it was Jason.

And that is all folks. Thanks for the interest Anon! Ta-ta.

#jayrae #damirae #damian wayne #raven #jason todd #damian x raven #rachel roth #jason x raven #teen titans #fanfiction #romance #damian al ghul #demonbirds #dcamu #dc #robrae #ask #answer

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