#(sounds weird when i put it like that i guess.... it's about shared experience tho!!) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

httpdabi · 3 years

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The perfect neighborhood

Genre: Smut, romance

Summary: Your parents and Todoroki’s never got along and everyone knew that. It was a hate on the first sight. So, what else to expect from their children than to hate on each other too, right ?

Word count: 7.6k

Warnings: 18+ (Minors please back off), unprotected sex, public sex, creampie, vaginal fingering, a little bit of praising, dom!Dabi, multiple orgasms.

Imagine,

Warm summer night with a little bit of a warm wind touching your skin. Dark and almost clear sky, fully painted with starts, millions, billions of it, only few of a bit lighter coloured clouds covering some of them. Glass of a nice and expensive wine in you hand as you are concentrated on the small meteor shower they talked about in the news. You saw already three shootings stars, how many will you see till you go to sleep ? How could you possibly miss that ? It’s quiet, the only thing you can hear are the sounds of field crickets.

Yeah, imagine.

Now, let’s go to back to the reality.

It is summer, yeah, but the night ain’t warm, it’s fucking freezing. The wine in your hand is probably the cheapest one from the store. The meteor shower everyone talked about ain’t shit. You expected to see at least one shooting star, but the only thing you saw was a damn airplane, maybe two.. and lastly, instead of calming crickets, all you could hear was loud music and the bass hitting, coming form no one else than Todoroki’s oldest son.

So much about the night you were looking forward to. Maybe you would enjoy it, at least a little bit, but if you were being honest, the music was way too loud. It’s not like Touya did that often, but when he did, he made it sure that the whole neighbourhood has to share the small experience with him.

What you didn’t understand was, why didn’t Enji ever tell him to lower the volume down a bit ? Didn’t it bother him ? Or Rei? She didn’t look like someone who would enjoy the loud music.

Well, that wasn’t really surprising to you. If you think about it, they aren’t much better than he is. As they say. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

The Todoroki family moved in to the house next to yours, shortly after you and your parents did. You will always remember the day when your mother knocked on their door, giving them the cookies she made as a little welcoming gesture, only for Rei to give them back, saying how her husband doesn’t like sweets. You will always remember the look on your mothers face, not understanding if she’s for real.

Well, you could understand your mom, it wouldn’t hurt her if she just accepted them. If you think about it, you would probably accept it, and later on throw it away or whatever, just not to hurt the person who gave them. After all, she has kids, not like they couldn’t eat them. But yeah, it already happened, and the two families never talked after that.

In fact, if they did end up exchanging few words, it wasn’t anything good.

It wasn’t really all about the cookies tho, that was just the beginning. One time your father accidentally knocked their trashcan down, but it was really just an accident, which of course, didn’t look so to Enji, who was screaming and cursing around. The same day, your mother saw Rei throwing some old food over the small fence that was keeping your houses apart.

With that gesture, they declared a war.

Touya in the other hand wasn’t really like them, he actually did try to start a conversation with you few times at the beginning, but the two of you couldn’t even exchange two words and one of your parents would already peek thru the door and call one of you, putting the both of you in your places.

After few tries, both of you gave up, giving each other a small nod as a greeting and nothing more.

You almost smiled to yourself as you heard one of your favourite songs coming from your neighbours home. Sometimes you wished you could actually meet him and have a nice conversation with him. He didn’t really seem like someone who was starving for a good fight.

,, Sweetie, can you please go buy some chicken breasts ?’’ Your mother asked, as you were trying to ignore her, focused on the television screen, sadly the focus long gone as she was repeating her question until you stood up. That woman really knew how to piss you of.

,, Do this, do that.. I can’t sit down.. This ass, i don’t know why i have it’’ you complained loudly, pitying yourself for a moment, before you made your way out to the nearest shop. Well, you tried to look positively e at it, maybe it’s better if you watch the movie sometime later, since your mother was way too loud as always.

Ever since her friend told her about some weird ass local stereo site, she’s been walking around with her bluetooth speaker, annoying the shit out of you with some terrible folks music. Damn the person who got her the speaker.

The moment you got into the store, you thought how it’s not that bad that you got there, in fact, you needed some snacks for yourself, since your brother never heard of the word ‘’sharing’’, eating all the snacks that exist in your house.

Firstly, you made your way toward the meat section, taking your mother off the list and making sure you wont forget chicken breast, well better said, making sure you won’t end up dead at the end of the night. If you forget what she sent you for, she would most likely end up using you as the main ingredient.

Once you found it, you made your way toward the section with snacks and sweets, carrying yourself with it and putting more and more in your basket. Well truth to be told, buying all those snacks was almost useless, since you knew that Keigo will end up eating more than half of it. The only way to hide those sweets from him was putting them in your pillowcase, even tho that dog would be probably able to sniff his way to them.

Noticing that there was only two packs of Cheetos, you hurried toward them as you noticed that someone made their way to probably grab them. Sadly the moment you were about to grab at least one pack, both of them were gone, making your blood boil and once the person that took them turned around, your blood boiled even more.

Touya fucking Todoroki, that hungry piece of shit.

Nodding his head slowly, as you were about to curse him out, he just moved out of your way, walking to the way where the cashier is.

,, Do you really need both of the packs ?’’ You hissed, loud enough for him to hear you, making him stop his movements and turn around to face you once again.

,, Yes.’’ He simply answered, raising his brow.

,, Well, that’s really greedy of you’’ adding, you tried to keep your voice down and calm as possible. That was your favourite snack, and that hungry piece of shit had to get both of the last packs.

,, Yeah, says the one who bought half of the store’’ He said eying your basket. Well, he’s not wrong, but in your Defense the main reason for buying so much was your always hungry brother.

Instead of continuing the discussion, you simply tried to be the bigger and better person, and ignore him. Passing by him and making sure you are the fist one to get to the cashier.

,, Hey, wait’’ you heard your neighbours voice, as you got outside the shop. Pushing your wallet inside your backpack, you turned around to see what the fuck he wants.

,, Here, you can have one’’ Touya said, giving you one of the package. You were both shocked and confused by his sudden change of behaviour, not sure if you should take the small package or not. What if he’s trying to prank you ? What if he’ll take the pack back the moment you try to reach it and make it awkward for you?

Your overthinking came to an end as he pushed the Cheetos bag into your backpack, totally ignoring the conversation you had with your inner self.

,, Thanks I guess?’’ You mumbled, still pretty unsure of the whole situation.

,, Yeah, i thought, if our parents fight, it doesn’t mean we have to. Especially not because of a bag of chips.’’ He smiled, as both of you walked lazily toward your homes.

,, That’s true. But honestly, i was already thinking about ways to sabotage you on your way home, to get that bag’’ you joked, realising that both of you are walking way too slow.

You took your time to take a better look of him, since you weren’t really sure if that will be the last chance to do it. He always looked handsome to you, and now that you could see all of him up close, you knew instantly that he is someone you would definitely thirst over.

The usually seven minutes long walk turned into twenty minutes long one, and with every step you were getting closer to your home, you wished you could spend some time more to talk to him and get lost in his beautiful blue eyes.

,, You know Tomura, don’t you?’’ He asked, as you two stopped one block away from your homes.

,, Yes, why ?’’ You asked him back confused, not sure why he’s mentioning him all of sudden.

,, Well, he kinda has crush on your friend Nejire. So, tomorrow maybe, you two could grab a lunch with us at the break ?’’ He suggested almost excitedly.

,, Sure, but I am honestly not sure if he’s her cup of tea.’’ You said, playing with your fingers, not wanting for his friend to get his hopes up, only to end up heartbroken at the end. But hey, it was a win win situation, for him and for you. His friend could talk to Nejire, and you could talk with your neighbour.

At the end, you and Touya exchanged your numbers before you walked away from him, as he waited till you get home, trying not to make it obvious that the two of you had a nice conversation just few minutes ago.

,, What took you so long ?’’ Your mother asked, as she heard you opening the door. Trying to hide the happiness on your face to avoid the questioning, you explained how you took your time finding the right snacks for yourself.

At the end of the day, you turned on the tv in your bedroom, and decided that it’s time for you to finish the movie you started before your mother interrupted you. The focus you had before was long gone and all that was on your mind was your neighbour.

The two of you didn’t talk much or enough for your taste, but it was something you really wanted to do for a long time, so you were really on cloud nine. That same night you had trouble falling asleep, as you repeated the small conversation you had with him all over again in your head and the fact that you will spend more time with him the next day was making you even happier.

And the first time in in a while, you found yourself excited for the upcoming day on your boring university.

,, I swear to god, if that bitch looks our direction one more time, imma throw hands’’ Nejire complained, as some girls from the class, were clearly gossiping about the two of you, not making it a secret at all.

,, Ah fuck them, they ain’t worth our attention girl’’ You pointed out, making Nejire gasp surprisingly. Usually you were the one always ready for one good discussion, arguing with everyone who looked at you wrongly. But you couldn’t waste your time thinking about them, all you could think of was Touya and the upcoming break.

,, And why are we suddenly spending our time with Shigaraki and Todoroki ? Also, aren’t you in bad terms with him ?’’ Nejire started questioning you, as you opened the message you got from Touya, which was nothing more than his current location.

,, Well, long story short, we had a small chat, and he simply invited us. Don’t know why’’ you said, not being able to find a good enough reason to tell her.

Once the class was done, the two of you packed your things and made your way toward the location he sent you. It was the small cafe two minutes away from your uni. Usually, you and Nejire would spend your time at the lunch room, or library, but you had one and half hour till the next one, so the cafe wasn’t really a bed idea.

After you introduced yourself to Tormua, you sat beside Touya, making Nejire sit beside his friend.

,, What’s up?’’ Shigaraki asked casually, after the two of you ordered your drinks.

,, I wanna go home, that’s up. Not in the mood for the next class’’ Nejire said rolling her eyes playfully.

At the beginning all of you talked, but after short time as you realised that Nejire and Shigaraki are getting their own topic slowly, you decided that it was the best time to find a topic with Touya too.

,, So, how’s Fuyumi? What is she doing ? ‘’ You asked casually, like you were friends since forever with her. Probably a bit stupid of you, since you never exchanged a single word with her.

,, Ah, she found a job not long time ago, in some bakery’’ He answered, probably playing along not wanting to make things awkward.

,, That’s nice’’ nodding your head, you took a sip of your coffee.

,, Yeah, but she quit the next day, with excuse how too many guys are flirting with her and her boyfriend doesn’t like that’’ he added.

,, Well, I didn’t expect that’’ you said honestly, laughing a bit. She didn’t look like someone who’s not taking working seriously in your opinion, but again, you don’t know that girl at all.

,, Apparently the bread is not the only thing that’s hot, when she’s there’’ he laughed, making fun of his sister. Once you heard him say that you almost choked on your drink, as you started laughing loudly.

If you think about it, for some reason you really wanted to meet Touya better. Maybe it’s because your parents were so against it, or maybe because he was always so mysterious ? Before he approached you in the store, never once did he really try to make a conversation with you. Now that you were face to face with him, it really felt weird, if you could say so.

But still, you were more than grateful that you had a chance like that. You were always attracted to him, and you never tried to lie to yourself that you aren’t. Sure, you didn’t talk about him, maybe complain about loud music to your friend or brother, but there was no need for you to mention how handsome you think he is or anything.

,, Imagine how our parents would react if they saw us here ‘’ Touya said, as he placed a cigarette between his lips, smirking lightly at you.

,, Yeah, i don’t even wanna think about that’’ You smiled, as you played with the spoon that was in your cup. It’s not like your parents could do much about it, both of you are adults, but you were pretty sure that they would pretty much try to manipulate you into hating him. You could honestly already imagine them saying how you’re living under their roof, and how you have to listed to what they say.

One and half hour never passed faster in your entire life. The two of you talked like you knew each other your whole life, and not like there was a barrier between you. You already knew what kind of music he likes, but you found out what his favourite games are, what does he do in his free time. Surprisingly you found out that he doesn’t really have such a good relationship with his parents, which you didn’t expect at all. The Todoroki’s family always looked like those from television.

Also at your surprise, Nejire was really chatty with Shigaraki. Usually she’s pretty quiet when she’s around people she doesn’t know, but the conversation they had was never ending, and at the end they even exchanged their numbers.

Second day, and Touya Todoroki was all you could really think about.

Sitting with your family and watching some Disney movie was something you really loved, but that day all you could think of was the small amount of time you spent with Touya in the cafe.

,, Can you bring me the cheese balls please ?’’ Keigo screamed when he noticed that you are going to kitchen. There it goes, the snacks you bought just yesterday were already half way gone.

,, I think i lost sense of smell ‘’ Keigo added when you gave him the pack. The cheese balls usually had the really strong smell, but either way the ones you bought were a bit weaker or he simply caught a cold.

,,well, we didn’t. We can still smell you and the fact that you didn’t take a shower for ages’’ you joked, as you scrolled thru your instagram, not showing much attention to the movie your mother chose.

,, Shut up, i shower daily’’ Keigo pointed, defending himself.

As usual, your parents were the first one to go sleep, saying how work got them tired and leaving you and Keigo on your own.

,, Hey sis, do you know any cute activity for couple? Or places to go ?’’ Keigo asked, focused more on his phone now that your parents went to sleep. You knew that your brother was seeing some girl, but you could never be sure if he’s serious about it or not.

,, Oh yes, yes of course, go to hell’’ you answered with a big smile on your face. ,, ehh, i don’t know, maybe the botanical garden ?’’ You added once you realised that he’s totally serious.

The next few days you didn’t have much contact with Touya. He did greet you at uni, he even sat with you on small smoking breaks. But that was nothing much, and you were thinking about sending him a message few times, but at the end you didn’t want to force yourself on him. If he wanted to reach out, he could, he has your number, so ..

On Thursday you didn’t have any contact with him, and that day you really thought that you should keep your shit together, and not overreact. If you talked it doesn’t mean that he had to befriend you, after all he told you that it was about his friend and Nejire. But all those thoughts flied away on late Friday night when you got a text from him.

From [Dabi]: ,, You awake ? ‘’

It was such a simple message, yet your heart skipped a beat immediately.

To Dabi: ,,Yes, what’s up?’’

You replied not closing the Chatroom. At your surprise he obviously didn’t close it either since the message you sent immediately had the blue sing telling you that he read it, and not even a second after you sent it, the ‘’typing…’’ sign was under his name.

From [Dabi]: ,, Wanna take a walk ?’’

That night, when you got out of the house to meet the guy your parents always told you to stay away from, you realised how down are you for him. Just one message and you found yourself ready to piss your whole family off, as you went against their wishes.

Since the night was kinda warm, you decided to go out in your pyjamas, wearing only an oversized hoodie in case it’s a bit windy outside. Once you got out, Touya was already waiting for you on the street, looking only a bit better than you when it comes to his outfit. At your surprise he greeted you with a hug, locking you between his arms for few seconds.

That same night the two of you were on sitting in the nearest playground until the sun slowly started showing up, giving you a sign that it’s time to part your ways.

,, Are you planning to move out after uni ?’’ He asked. There was so much space on the wooden bench you were sitting on, yet he was sitting so close to you, not even an inch was between your body’s. Since it was getting later, the weather was getting a bit colder, and the feeling of his body being so close to you was helping you warm up a bit.

,, Probably, I wanted to move out this summer, but honestly, I don’t think I would be able to pay the rent even if i find a mini job. You know how high the prices are these days’’ You said, hugging your legs closer to your body as you tried to warm yourself a bit more. Having him so close to you, you almost found yourself lost in the nice smell of his cologne. It wasn’t so strong like some guys like to wear it, but it was so nice.

,, We should move in together. I think we would get along pretty well’’ Touya said, placing his arm around you casually. You weren’t sure what surprised you more, his statement or the arm around your shoulders.

,, That’s easier said as it’s done’’ you simply said, not taking it too serious in the first place.

,, Why ? We can pay the rent half-half and it would be fun. Imagine all the drama with our parents if they find out’’ he said laughing a bit. His talk and everything was so casual, you weren’t really sure if he is joking around or not.

As the two of you were talking, he was pulling you closer and closer into his embrace, and at the end the two of you were sitting on the bench like a couple. He took the excuse of the cold weather to hug you so close to himself and who were you to refuse him ? After all what could you wish for more ? The two of you looked like a couple in love that jumped out of some teenage movie, and you were sure you would spend the upcoming days thinking about it.

You did think about the fact that he might be playing around with you, but you decided just to enjoy in the moment and worry about it later. But if you only knew how much he actually liked being out with you in the middle of the night, and having you in his arms on a fresh summer night, the suspicious thought would probably go always faster than it got in your head.

What you didn’t know is, that Tomura didn’t really have some huge crush on Nejire. It was only Touya’s made up story to spend some time with you.

When he was younger he wanted to talk to you just to piss of his parents, but after short time, thinking about it, he didn’t want tot cause you any trouble. He understood that your parents were like his, if not even worse. As he was growing up, the urge to talk to you was also getting bigger and bigger. Not only because of his parents, it was more because you were getting more beautiful every day. He was 95% sure that you never noticed him lurking around on the uni. Not that he was stalking you or anything, he could form it in better words, he was admiring you. Yes, he was admiring your beauty.

He would visit your instagram from time to time, just checking up if you’ve posted some new selfies, or stories. There were some time’s when he wanted to send you a message, but he was always thinking about how would you take it?!

Once the two of you made your way home, instead of being sleepy, you were all wide awake, focused of the quiet walk and him. The whole way home, you were walking shoulder by shoulder, as he held your hand, hidden inside the pocket of his hoodie.

You didn’t have much inside of your head when you told him that you’re going inside, but he did. He couldn’t just let you go, he couldn’t let a chance like that slip thru his hands. Before you could move away, he placed both of his palms on your cheeks, as he connected his lips with your own. At that moment, he didn’t give a shit if Enji or your father could walk out and see the two of you kissing. Heck, if they did, he wouldn’t break the kiss even if his life depended on it.

Even tho you fall asleep only in the morning, you’ve never slept better. Falling asleep as you repeated everything that happened, and waking up thinking about the same thing.

,, Someone decided to finally wake up’’ your mother pointed out, once she noticed you getting inside the living room wrapped up with your favourite blanket.

,,Morning’’ you greeted your mother, as you put the water to boil, preparing the cup for your coffee.

,, Well, it’s 12:34 pm, not really morning anymore’’ she laughed. Unusually, your mother seemed to be in a really good mood for some reason. Not sure if she realised, but you were too.

That day you were motivated to do everything she asked you, hoping you’ll get a glance of Touya. You even agreed to water the flowers on the balcony. And good thing you agreed to do it, since you got a message from Touya saying how someone is hard working, and asking if you slept well. At the end of the message was a small red heart, which almost made you melt in the moment you saw it.

You weren’t sure where all of that lead to, you weren’t sure if he saw the night the same way you did or not. You were pretty much unsure about everything, but still, you didn’t want to think about it much, deciding it’s the best thing to simply wait and see what will happen.

And good thing you didn’t worry your little head about it, because before you could even tell Nejire about it, Touya had better plans, greeting you with a kiss in front of everyone in the uni. You wished you could see Nejire’s face at that moment, full of questions and shock, trying to understand what is going on. Trying to remember if you ever mentioned to her that you liked him even a bit.

,, What was that about ?’’ Nejire whispered once Touya was greeting Shiggy.

,, I’ll tell you later’’ you whispered back, trying to hide the smile that was way too visible on your face.

After the night at the playground, you were falling for Touya more and more, and even if you tried, you couldn’t hide that. Your behaviour changed drastically, wich made even your brother realise that something is going on.

Every night the two of you would meet, sometimes spending so much time on the small playground, and sometimes going out just for a bit, to see each other if the both of you had to wake up early in the morning. Even going to uni wasn’t so bad anymore, he would come to you on the breaks, bring you a cup of coffee to go, or wait for you after the uni. He didn’t tell you that, but he wanted to show everyone who you belong to, and he did it slowly yet effectively. But hey, there was no need to tell you that, you aren’t stupid, you could notice that and in fact you liked it, a lot.

One day after you were done buying some groceries, Touya saw you in your garden, spraying you with the water as he was washing his car. The smile that was on your face, got lost immediately as both of you saw your mother getting out of your house.

,, What’s up you waste of oxygen?’’ You said sarcastically, hoping your mother would buy it, deciding to ignore you, Touya just continued to wash the car, as your mother took the paper bags from you, giving him an evil side eye. That moment you understood how hard it will be to keep your relationship with Touya a secret, and what will happen when your parents find out. Not even a minute later, you’ve got a message from Touya, telling you how he got the goosebumps from the look on your mother’s face and instead of talking about it, or try to find a solution for it, the two of you laughed it out and decided at what time you should meet that night.

Around 12AM when you thought everyone in the house is sleeping, before you even got out, you were caught in the act, by no one else than your brother.

,, And where are you going ?’’ Keigo asked, biting the apple he just got from the kitchen.

,, Just on a walk, to clear my thoughts’’ You laughed it out, hoping he won’t question you much more.

,, Oh, a walk with Touya ?’’ Your brother wiggled his brows, as he laughed once he saw the shocked look on your face. ,, Don’t worry, i won’t tell mom or dad’’ Keigo added when he noticed how the shocked expression turned into terrified one.

,, You won’t ?’’ You asked surprised. You didn’t really expect of him to be the mature one, and you were pretty sure he was about to blackmail you, yet there he was, acting all grown up.

,, Nope, but you should really tell them yourself and avoid the drama,you know’’ he said, acting all smart. Little did he know that all you felt in that moment, hearing those words, was pure cringe and you didn’t really try to hide it, making a disgusted face as you walked out of the house, leaving your brother on his own. The fuck he feeling like the main character, giving you some wisdom tips, you thought to yourself as you walked to the playground.

Of course, Touya was already there, welcoming you with a warm hug and a kiss. He didn’t need much time to notice the weird look on your face, immediately questioning you, making sure everything is alright.

Sitting on his lap, you told him about Keigo and what happened, as he wrapped his arms around you, caressing you slowly. At one point, you couldn’t even keep your concentration on the conversation you were having with him, since his warm hands were slowly going under your hoodie.

,, Why are you stuttering ?’’ Touya asked, smirking at you widely. He knew very well why you were getting lost, and why you were repeating the same stuff all over again. He found it so adorable, how just a little touch made you so confused, and he had to tease you a bit about it, moving his hands up and down your waist, as he placed gentle kisses around your neck.

,, Am not.. I’m sure.. I’m pretty sure he’ll blackmail me at some point’’ you mumbled, trying to keep focused on your little speech.

,, Doll, you already said that’’ Touya laughed, nuzzling his nose into your neck. Closing your eyes, you smiled, embarrassed since he knew what effect he has on you. Feeling his hot breath brushing your neck made you feel some weird way.

,,Sorry’’ you apologised awkwardly. Touya threw his head back a bit, laughing lightly at your small apology.

,, Ahh, why you gotta be so cute tonight’’ He asked, connecting his lips with yours, not giving you any chance to answer.

He kept kissing you, and honestly, at that point you didn’t even want to talk anymore, all you wanted to do was feel the softness of his lips on yours. Usually you would be careful, and think about anything that could sell you and Touya out, but that night you couldn’t think about it at all. Even if you tried, you couldn’t force yourself to tell him to be careful, you couldn’t tell him to go easy and make sure there are no hickeys left on your neck. In fact, you didn’t give a single shit about hickeys, it was a problem you’ll think about some other time.

His touch was getting steamier, and if you were being honest, you wanted more than just kissing and few touches. He was turning you on, and there was no need to hide that. Placing your hand on the nape of his neck, and the other one over his clothed dick. You weren’t the one to do anything so directly, but being horny like that, there was no need for some subtle touches.

The groan that escaped his mouth was telling you that he liked it, which encouraged you into doing more of it. You couldn’t help but smirk while kissing him, as you started rubbing his clothed dick, not giving a shit if someone might see you or not.

,, Doll, you don’t wanna do this’’ He said in between the kisses. ,, At least not here’’ Touya added, moan escaping his lips as you rubbed his now fully erected dick.

,, I do’’ You answered. Touya didn’t need to hear more from you, in fact, he was almost praying you would giving him that simple and short answer, because he couldn’t hold himself, at all. He didn’t give a single shit about the possibility that someone might catch you. After all, he was pretty sure that no one was awake in your quiet neighbourhood, at fucking 3AM.

His kiss got more aggressive, as he pulled your shorts and panties to the side. Not wasting any time, he started rubbing your clit in circles slowly, as he sucked on your neck, leaving wet love bites all over it. Touya’s fingers pace with your moans, increasing in speed, as you played with his hard cock.

Your breathing gets heavier once two fingers enter your core, going in and out slowly. You catch Touya licking his lips, his eyes getting a darker shade, as he tried to hold himself together. Looking down at your private parts, Touya couldn’t help but to let a deep growl out, his dick almost twitched at the sight of your irritated clit, and your pussy swallowing his fingers.

You nuzzled your head into his neck, squeezing your eyes shut as you released a throaty moan when he started moving his fingers faster, hitting your spot just perfectly. Touya’s blood was boiling as he felt your tight and wet walls squeezing his fingers. He didn’t care that you stopped rubbing his dick, all he wanted was to make you cum all over his fingers. Touya curled his fingers, pumping them into you, as you planted, moaning louder and louder.

He was supposed to tell you to keep quiet, but how could he ? Your moans were like melody to his ears, and at that point he wouldn’t stop even if the whole neighbourhood got out to see what’s happening. He couldn’t help but to thrust his fingers even harder, stretching and preparing you for his dick. You bit his neck as you tried to keep your moans low, orgasm hitting you harder than ever. It felt so good, more amazing than any pleasure you bought yourself. It felt like he knew your body his whole life, like he knew how to move his fingers, and where to touch and kiss you.

A blush was spreading over your cheeks when he moved his fingers that were just a second ago to his mouth, giving them one short lick just to taste you, before he placed his left hand over your jaw, giving you a sign to open your mouth. When you did exactly what he wanted, he placed those two fingers into your mouth.

,, Suck’’ he said, moving his other hand down to your throat once you did what he demanded. He wished he could take a picture of you in that moment, eyes closed with his fingers in your mouth. If he did, he would definitely put it for his wallpaper.

Once he was satisfied, he placed his hands on your ass, giving you a sign to move yourself up a bit, just enough to pull his sweatpants and boxers down.

,, I’ll be gentle’’ he said, positioning his dick right under your core, before he started lowering you down. Touya wanted to simply rip into you so bad, but he gave his best to fight the beast that was trying to take control over him. After all, he knew that there is enough of time for that.

Nodding your head, you hid your face into his neck. A burning sensation took over your cunt, causing the faintest amount of pain. Every inch you took, was getting thicker and thicker, and once the pain was getting bigger you felt like he won’t be able to fit in. Was he so big ? Or was it just because of the pain that you were going thru ? It must have been both.

Looking down, you realised that he’s not even halfway in. He didn’t want to hurt you, pausing every other second letting you adjust to his size .

,, You’re doing so good’’ Touya prised you, placing soft kisses along your jaw. You wanted to get over it, and that’s exactly what you told him, nodding your head when he asked you if you are sure.

You weren’t really mentally prepared for the pain you felt in the moment he pulled you down his length with one move. Kissing you immediately, as he tried to calm you down.

After a minute, when the pain was almost gone, you gave him a nod, giving him a sign to move. Holding you up, Touya started sliding in and out of you. Enjoying the feeling of your walls hugging his dick. He almost closed his eyes, as pleasure took over him, but he forced himself to not do so, finding it more pleasurable to watch your face as you were turning into a moaning mess.

His dick was getting deeper and deeper with every thrust he made. The way he moved made you feel his dick fully inside you, the shape, the veins, the tip, everything, rubbing your walls slowly and hitting your g spot your fingers were never able to reach.

It wasn’t your first time, but the sex you had before was never this intense. It was slow, yet so good, and the fact that someone could catch you was making it even better. You didn’t understand how did he manage it hold your ass up the whole time, moving you exactly how you want.

Placing both of your hands on his shoulders, you started moving on your own, deciding to go a bit faster and he gladly accepted that. Placing his hands on your ass, and meeting your hips with his own, hitting you just perfectly with every move. Closing your eyes shut, you moaned loudly when he started moving his hips much faster than before. You couldn’t really manage to say that you were about to cum, but he felt that. Your walls were getting tighter and tighter, and with just few moves you were left breathless, as orgasm hit you harder than ever before.

Touya gave you a minute to calm down and catch your breath, telling you what a good girl you are and how you did so well for him, but he was not done with you. Not yet. Flipping you over, he made sure you were comfortable enough on the old bench before he entered you again.

,,Tell me if you want me to stop’’ Touya said, placing soft kisses all over your face. Usually if you had sex, you would simply have one round and that’s all, and in that round it was rarely about you, it was all about the guy pleasuring himself, cuming and leaving you without orgasm, or you faking one for his sake.

You weren’t sure if you could take it, but you wanted Touya to cum. So, you gave him a small nod, before he started to roam into you, the slow pace long forgotten as he moved his hips like in one animalistic pace. Pulling his hoodie up, you placed your hands on his back, digging your nails just a little bit with every move he made.

And with every move he made, you felt your body moving a bit. Touya loved the feeling of your walls hugging his dick so nicely, and now that you had your orgasm, they were even wetter than before, letting him slide in and out of you much easier.

Touya’s strong hands kept you steady, as his fingers were digging into the flesh of your hips. He knew that he was rough, but he also knew that you would tell him if it’s too much. He was thrusting into you deep and hard, hammering your cervix with every thrust, hitting your g spot all over again.

,, You are so tight’’ Touya groaned, as you whined, lost in the pleasure he was giving you. The feeling you felt at the moment was telling you that you were so close again, and you couldn’t really bear it. Digging your nails into his back so deep that you almost felt blood beads around the tips of your fingers. But maybe you just imagined it from all the pleasure, you’ll find out later.

,, Don’t close your eyes’’ Touya commands, gripping your jaw hardly as he fucked you harder. You tried to keep your eyes opened, you really did, and every time you would close them, his grip around your jaw would only get stronger. Your view got blurry and your moans got louder as you felt your second orgasm approaching you. Touya also feels it coming, and in that moment all he wants to do is to dump his load deep inside of you, wanting to claim you as his own.

The moment you wrapped your legs around him and moaned his name loudly was when he lost it, fucking you harder if it was even possible. ,, Fuck.. Fuck, you’re mine’’ Touya growled between his teeth, lots in the feeling of your walls getting tighter around his dick once again. After few hard and intense thrusts, he spilled his seed inside of you.

Your whole body started shaking from the orgasm that just hit you, and from the feeling of his seed that was painting your walls white. If it was someone else, you would probably tell them to cum anywhere else, but for some reason, you wanted him to cum inside you. You wanted to feel all of him.

The both of you were panting so hard, trying to catch your breath as he fucked his seed deeper into you. He hoped it won’t leek out of you, since the view might turn him on again, and he was pretty much sure that you weren’t ready for a third round.

,, You ok?’’ He asked you, still buried deep inside you. Nodding your head, you kissed him, closing your eyes as you enjoyed the last moments of the passionate sex the two of you just had. In public, where anyone could see you.

The two of you spend the rest of the night on the old bench, cuddling, talking and laughing about small things. Instead of being embarrassed that you even did it in such a place, all you felt in that moment was the warmth of his hug, and happiness, no regret or shame at all. That night you decided that it would be the best if you somehow tell your parents that the two of you are in relationship. Not sure how to do it, but both of you agreed it was for the best.

,, Anyway, i want to say something’’ You said, as you placed the knife and fork on your plate, done with the food. You could almost feel the cold sweat as the moment was getting closer and closer.

,, Ohhh, don’t wanna miss this’’ Keigo laughed, sitting back when he realised what’s about to happen.

Your parents gave you one confused look, still eating. Your father nodded his head, giving you a sign to continue as he placed the food in his mouth.

,, I have a boyfirend’’ You said, playing with your fingers nervously.

,, Oh sweetie, we know. We noticed’’ your mother said, giving you one sweet smile.

,, Yeah, it’s Touya’’ You said fast, and the smile she had, was replaced with confused look written all over her face.

,, Which Touya exactly ? ‘’ Your dad asked, forgetting to chew the food in his mouth. Before you could even give them a proper answer, a loud knock on the door took all the attention.

Your mother jumped fast, like she was expecting someone, ready to kill anyone on that damn door at the moment. Keigo couldn’t hide the excitement on his face, and you were giving him a begging look, hoping he’ll stand up for you.

,, Hey, just wanted to bring some cupcakes to our ‘’in laws’’ you heard Rei’s voice. Both you and Keigo jumped once you heard your mother screaming ,, YOU WITCH’’. The moment you saw confused Touya, standing between his and your mother, trying to calm the situation, both of you and Keigo laughed loudly.

Laughing long gone once the two women’s started pulling each other’s hair. Holding your mother back, both you and Touya realised that it will be one crazy and fun ride with your parents accepting your relationship.

But you knew very well that none of them could ruin it.

The moment Rei grabbed your mothers hair a bit too hard, pulling the fake extension you spent so much time putting on her head, Keigo started laughing hysterically.

,, Wig, snatched’’ Keigo laughed loudly, holding his stomach instead of his mother.

,, KEIGO’’ both you and Touya screamed, trying to hold your laugh, as your mothers continued to fight like two preteen girlies.

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weaselbeaselpants · 3 years

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Weird week behind me weird week ahead of me but I’ve done a lot of self reflection and came to the weirdest epiphany. The older I get the more I realize all my ‘problems’ with VivziePop - her thoughts on criticism; the choices she makes in story telling; some of the people she’s worked with (not that any of that’s my business; I’m not her mom) really aren’t about Viv, but more about her fandom.

I’m speaking of the preHazbin era Viv here and as someone who’s only watch horny fish jump at the surface rather than jump straight into the Hazbin-fandom, but given my ‘noncritical’ fellow fans have told me that the Vivziefandom now is also terrible - I guess I’ll go over my experience and make the most out of what I do know.

I followed Viv in 2009 and fell off in 2013 cause I kinda just lost interest and found myself wrapped up in other fandoms. I’ve always felt amicable about her content; I could give or take designs or the way in which she wrote characters -- ((Zech represent!!!)) but it’s honestly surreal and really fun seeing this person I recognize make it big and improve so much. Like I’ve said before I am very happy and very impressed with Viv doing all she’s done in the span of TWO YEARS. wow gurl.

Trouble is, there was the particular breed of fan who really made me...uncomfortable. They felt almost possessive of Viv’s attention. They sang praises about her work in a way that just made me want nothing to do with it because I was worried if I drew those characters these people would be like ‘hey, I’M Viv’s fav artist, not you!”. They would unironically write Viv messages like:

“you are a GOD” -- “I’m so not worthy compared to you” --“I wish I was as talented as you” -- “YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND CAN’T DO WRONG VIV”.

The kind of messages which were meant to sound flattering but, intentional or not, came off as gaslighting, like they were guilt tripping Viv about being better than them. This behavior, treating your favorite artist/internet personality like your superior and groveling like Starscream, it strikes a nerve with me; partly because I was this way with my favorite artists and influences back in the day, but also because once I got a taste of that treatment myself I realized just how bad it could be:

There was once a girl on dA who was jealous of me because of the attention I got on my art instead of her. I told her that I wasn’t gonna stop drawing but also that there was nothing wrong with her art and she’d find her place. It was weird being put in that position where someone is very clearly upset at you but also looking for your approval.

The second was some scumball who I blocked in 2016. He wouldn’t speak to me, only write condescending, backhanded comments on my art; check on my profile daily; call me a bootlicker (cuz I took commissions) behind my back; redrew my art and would talk about me in his personal artist notes about how I ‘probably wouldn’t see this’ - oh yeah all the while he did fan art of my characters but again never spoke to me when I replied. When I finally messaged him about his behavior he said he thought I was “really overrated” and “bad for the fandom” cuz I took money and kept him from getting the love he deserved. It took messaging another person within our fandom, one I had been in spats with online before, to finally realize I shouldn't put up with that bs....

That guy who was stalking me btw did so while I was well under 1.K watchers and am still pretty obscure. Anyway, I had one guy unhealthily watching me for the wrong reasons. Just one. This is why when Viv says she “hates creeps” I 150% believe this woman and am not about to call her a liar who just can’t take criticism. Like, if you really think that, I’m sorry but you don’t know what Viv’s gone through from both her critics AND fans.

Of course, a lot of people will be like “I bet you’re just jealous and really just want that kind of attention yourself so you’re preaching to the choir”, but like...no. I am envious of just about any creator who’s the social butterfly I’m not, but, like, if I'm jealous of an artist none of that is that artists’ fault. Ever. It’s my own issues with being comfortable with myself are at stake. If I criticize Viv’s work it’s not because I see her as competition or my Squilliam Fancyson; it’s because I’m a critical fan of animation and cartoons and have my own thoughts to share on the cartoons of an artist I’m familiar with. Jealousy/envy/mixed-admiration/godIwishthatwereme.jpeg feels are totally natural and valid emotions when you’re a creator. Envy becomes a problem when you internalize, weaponize, and scrutinize people on the basis of them being what you aren’t which -yes - some people do in the name of criticism. ((Although, I would hardly say some of the nastiest AntiViv folk are jealous as much as they are angry that this project they think is harmful is getting attention and using that as justification for some really shitty behavior of their own, which no, this post is not a part of by virtue of coming from a critical fan.))

Critique can come from either a good place or bad place; good critique can be used to bad ends and bad critique can come from a well-meaning place, and vice versa. It’s the difference between many a criticalfan having a sour taste in their mouth regarding the Viv’s base but persisting in a critique+admiration separate of that, and this asswipemonster trying to weasel his way into Spindlehorse while also bashing Viv on a public forum for clearly vitriolic reasons. He was a creep.

So yeah um please stop insisting that every Hazbin critic is just jealous’ because a) there are people who have a past with Viv’s base and that clouds their judgement, but in a lot of cases that doesn’t invalidate their feelings or thoughts on her work separate from that, and b) I’ve seen what clingy gaslighting jealous fans are. Spoiler: they’re not so much Annie Wilkes as much as they are Tommy Wiseaus. You don’t want Tommy Wiseau following you.

Another bad vibe I really picked up on that I can kinda confirm is still probably the case now: people think that they know Viv and the Spindlehorse crew and have the right to send them shit they don’t need or WANT to be seeing.

Like, I talked with Viv once ages ago. I don’t remember what I said other than we were talking about Frankenweenie, I think. She was nice. Outside of that she said “thank you” to my comments on her deviations but that’s it. I DO NOT KNOW THIS WOMAN AND unless you’ve worked with or are a legit friend/mutual of hers, NEITHER DO YOU. But I don’t think every Vivzie stan/critic knows this. Whether it be people assuming she MUST think they’re headcanon is now canon-canon cuz she liked a comment they made; or some critic thinking they must have seriously hurt her pride because they’ve been blocked by her on twitter (or you know, maybe she and the rest of Spindlehorse is tired of getting @s and don’t have to time to read through your analysis so they’re gonna just block and move on cuz they’re busy).

Just because the creators talk with fans doesn’t mean fans are literally their best friends and have a part in the show’s direction. And yes, critics and reviewers fit that bill as well. Know your damn boundaries people.

If you find/make some kind of contribution as a viewer that’s awesome but you should never expect nor DEMAND the creator see it. The most obvious horror stories involving this and Helluva/Hazbin have been the Instagrams made by the crew being harassed by incestpedo enthusiasts, but it applies even to just @ing creators as well.

I’ve seriously had someone tell me to just take my criticisms directly to Viv and like...no. Why would I do that?

I respect Viv and the artists working with her enough to know that they’re working their asses off on an animated series and should not be bothered. I don’t want them to stop all they’re doing and reply to me. I want them to keep working. Also, that kind of logic makes me wonder how many critics Viv’s found because she found it on her own or if some obsessed fan told her about it - which is really messed up cuz if it IS just good critique you’re, again, just pestering her, and if it wasn’t critique but full on harassment WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MESSAGE HER ABOUT THAT ANYWAY? I’m sure she doesn’t need to be reminded that people drew and said really awful shit about her on Tapatalk. My point being I’m sure what people think they’re doing is

“OOOoh Viv lookitwut this person is doing in our fandom we need to ban together against this toxic behavior”

but what they’re actually doing, and sounding like, is -

“Hey Viv I know you are working so hard on the show and you’re trying to figure out where to go from here but LOOKITWHUTTHISHATERSAID. LOOKATIT! VALIDATE ME VIV AND PUT’EM IN THEIR PLAAAAAACE!”

TL;DR Viv’s fanbase back in the day consisted of everyman artists and interests but there was this one breed of fan -who I hope was just a vocal minority- that ruined it for everything else.

Call it stanning or ‘simping’ or as it’s classically known, ‘white knighting’, whatever it was it really soured a lot of people on her because of those fans.

That’s why the DollCreep drama got so bad from what I can tell. Doll and Viv had a falling out and then called out eachother online where people who took it upon themselves to speak for them starting throwing mud.

Back in the day I remember Viv used to get mad at artists for ‘stealing’ her style. I think this attitude from Viv directly has vanished but I remember it happening because one of the people she thought was stealing her style did art for me at some point and they were basically shamed/chased off deviantART by a gaggle of these really nasty Vivfans.

inb4> “VIV WAS AWARE AND STILL WEAPONIZES HER FANS THO”

I don’t know that. And honestly, where I’m inclined to believe she’d do something like that then I think Viv is really different and has improved her business and public image from her college days. I’d be very disappointed in her if she was pulling a Butch Hartman or Derek Savage, but I just don’t think she is one, k?

Viv is more self critical and aware than any of these uber protective-gatekeeping fans give her credit for. She said on the Pizzapartypodcast that she knows the Hazbin pilot wasn’t perfect; she’s been able to identify the problems with old Zoophobia; this woman knows that criticism of all kinds need to exist and from what I see she sounds like she’s trying to get used to that. It’s just, you know, when you have nasty antis badgering you, stalkers, obsessive yes-mam’ fans, opinionated shit posters, r34 artists, entitled shippers and the NDAs of a company alongside your own branded image - all that negativity, even the constructive bits, tend to clump together and you just want to scream at it so you can finish the damn cartoon already!!!!

TL;DR: PART TWO

VivziePop/mind is basically indie Tim Burton. Her work is fun, shallow and made with love but is marketed as being for everyone when it’s really not. Parts of it I love to watch; parts of it drives me crazy cuz of reasonswhatev this isn’t a review.

BUT any fanbase where people tell me I should just “expect what’s coming to me” when I’m trying to argue against dragging creators into fandrama is troubling. People have a parasocial bond with fandoms and their creators and they need to learn when to back off.

#vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss critical #critical fandom #I'm sorry to all the people I messaged n bothered over the past year bout my stupid thoughts #tw: stalker

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creepycatboyz · 3 years

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Heyyy its me again! So since your willing to match-ups heres my info! If its too much then i'm sorry lol I tend to rant but I hope this is enough info and thank you for your time! I'm excited to see who you'll match me with! :D

Zodiac sign: Leo sun, Aries moon, Leo rising

Personality Type: ENTP

Pronouns: She/her Sexuality: Straight

I'm 5'4 and I have a very tiny body frame so i'm extremely petite and pretty small. I'm not very curvy and I literally have the body of a cereal box...lol but its fine because I have nice hips and thighs. I have thick brown hair that goes down to my back and it gets tangled pretty easily but its kinda fluffy. I have brown eyes and tiny freckles all over my face and body. I like Flannels, band t-shirts, combat boots, etc. But i'd also always enjoy a nice oversized sweatshirt or hoodie with a pair of skinny, ripped jeans and some converses or something along those lines.

For my personality.....this is where things get interesting. At first people find me very intimidating due to my resting bitch face and cold exterior but I promise i'm not like that ALL the time. When you get to know me, i'm goofy and about everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcasm or some dry humored joke. I'm also that one friend in a group where they literally will do the stupidest shit ever like for an example one time it was super dark outside and my other friend was there, while I was trying to climb a tree and I failed and fell out of the tree, and landed on my back. I got straight up after that somehow it didn't hurt.....like at all? But yeah i'm super reckless and sometimes people have to save me from myself if you get what I mean. I also have a very strong "I don't give a fuck" attitude and I will not hesitate to stick up for myself or my friends....like i'm the type of person where if someone glares at me, i'll glare right back. I'm also a very curious person and a big overthinker.

I have bad anxiety and I can be very self destructive. This is where my feisty, stubborn, hardheaded side comes in. If I want something then i'll fight for it even if it hurts me and i'll get into a bad cycle of putting myself down and trying to do better even if I did great the first time but I always push myself too far and other people have to stop me because I usually can't see it when its happening. I also cover my emotions up and I have a lot of trouble talking about whats bothering me or what problems i'm having emotionally so I put up a wall and I act tough, or happy and sometimes i'll be the exact opposite but I try to hide it.

Weird things about me: I've grown up in the south all my life so sometimes when I talk a few words they'll come out sounding WAYYY more country and southern then I wanted, I don't have an accent but sometimes my words just come out that way. I also love the smell of cigarette smoke....let me explain. When I was a kid my parents smoked a lot and I was used to smelling it and now it reminds me of home and is sort of comforting. I love petnames too like doll, sugar, sweetheart, baby etc.

Things I like: I love swimming (I was on a swim team for about 9 years), I love horror movies, I like rain and the sounds of thunderstorms because its calming to me, I also love the smell of rain, I like cloudy days, cooking, listening to 80's and 90's rock but mainly 90's because 90's is the best, My favorite bands are Bush, Audioslave, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Linkoln Park, Pearl jam but i'm pretty open to anything.

Things I dislike: Spiders.......I will scream if I see a spider

Hmmm, I think I would match you up with Masky (not really a creepypasta, but y'know)! You guys have a lot in common!!

Man, does this dude love flannels, so be prepared to have a lot to steal from >:D You two would be exactly the same, pretty intimitating on the outside, but actually really funny and just funky!! He'd also be pretty much a mother hen, BUT wouldn't really stop you from doing things!! It's best to learn from own experiences, except if it's really smth dangerous.

He himself has a fair share of experience with anxiety and putting on a facade, to hide his emotions. So when you try to hide your feelings, he knows it's hard to talk about emotions, but he would look right thru it. He will patiently wait for you to tell him what's wrong tho!! He cares a lot about you and doesn't want to pressure you into talking about stuff you're not ready to :c

Masky has a slight southern accent! (he's from the south I guess, Alabama if I remember ;_; ) he can hide it well, but sometimes if he's just goofing around the accent will spill sometimes! He also ADORES when you speak in a more southern way!!! He wouldn't say it out loud but it's cute! This man also smokes, like, a lot, mostly for stress relief, but bc he also likes the smell!

ALSO be prepared for the MOST cheesiest petnames ever, honeybun, cuddle wuddle, Sweet pea and much more!! I think he loves to push limits, but if you tell him you don't like a name, he will stop calling you that ^_^

Be prepared to be cuddled to death, while it's raining / there is a thunderstorm, he also finds it comforting!! He used to spend a lot of time outside while it's raining, under the roof of his house, smoking, so big comfy moment!! Masky is also a fan of 80s and 90s rock music, but doesn't really mind any other music!

He will definitely kill all the spiders for you, or at least bring them outside, he doesn't really mind them

I hope this is okay y_y!!! I tried my best :'D

#request #creepypasta matchups #masky

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secretlyasupervillain · 3 years

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This post is basically just me ranting about gender mostly my doubts about being trans (oh and psa: they seem like big doubts but tbh they’re not and are more like small things that cause me to doubt every once in awhile). If anyone has any similar experiences please share them or if anyone has advice/info that could help please share!!

Clothes: Clothes confuse me so much because society has put such a strong presence of gender on clothes. I’ve always preferred wearing a sort of gender-neutral type of clothing style but as I’ve grown I thought I should expand my bounds and try new stuff. So I started to wear more “feminine” clothes, I got a crop top, decided I might wear my dresses more, got some blouses instead of T-shirts, etc. I liked it... I think... that’s where it gets confusing for me. I dunno if trying something new and exciting was the reason for liking it, an actual liking of the clothes, I liked it or faked liking it because subconsciously I thought I should like it cuz I was a “girl”, or just cuz I looked good wearing them. Also now I have more of an aversion to them again and I can’t tell if I don't like them anymore because it was only a spur of the moment type of thing, I don’t look good wearing them with short hair, I just don’t like them anymore, or because I think I’m trans so I feel like I’m not supposed to like them. Also, I’ve always liked the style of masculine clothing more and wished to wear it but felt weird wearing it as a “girl” but now I’m finally letting myself explore masc clothing which is nice. Although I can’t tell if I like masc clothing cuz I just like the clothing, if I like the clothing because it helps affirm my gender, or both. (advice on how to figure out which it is would be appreciated)

Hair: Hair is also very confusing and is even more gender rooted (haha roots hair roots). I had long long hair and I liked it for the most part but I still wanted to change it for years, but I’m terrified of change so kept it the same. Finally, after my friends started chopping off their hair and I learned about gender dysphoria I cut my hair and it felt great. I love my hair but still, if I’m not trans the idea of being a girl with short hair kinda bothers me even tho I like my hair and feel like I look good (this might be me just being dysphoric about thinking about being a girl idk). The thought of going back to long hair doesn’t sound that great either tho even if I am cis.

(PS: I understand clothes and hair don’t define gender but society has shoved gender down my throat and I see a lot of these things in a gendered way so my opinion of them does have an impact on my view of my gender identity)

Looks: Ok so I like the way I look facial-wise for the most part like I feel like I’m a generically decent-looking person, but this has me a little confused. So when I was a “girl” (long hair/feminine clothes/fem presenting) I liked the way I looked and thought I was an attractive enough person and I’m worried that liking how I looked means that I might not really be trans. The thing is tho I still like the way I look now as a boy (short hair/masc clothes/as masc presenting as I can get) and think I’m an attractive enough person just in a different way. Basically, I’m kinda wondering if it’s “okay” to think about when you were fem presenting and think that you were good-looking even as a trans man?

Sexuality: Being bi is so confusing. I have no idea if I want to look like a person or date them or both. And if I knew I didn’t like girls or boys then I could tell if admiring the way the way they look and their style was more of gender envy and not an attraction and I could figure it out my identity faster but idk the difference because both are happening. (advice on how to figure out which it is would be appreciated)

Self Hate: I’ve disliked liked myself for a long time and altho I’m starting to like myself more I still don’t that much. This is adding to my doubt because what if I just want to be trans so I can change who I am and become someone new because I don’t like myself and not because I’m actually a boy.

Want/Being: I’m worried I just want to be a boy and I’m not actually one. This sounds kinda weird but like idk. I guess I mean like I’m worried I’m cis and I’m making myself think I don’t like certain pronouns and etc. because I want to be ftm/a boy but I’m actually cis.

#also two of my friends recently gave me trans related gifts for my bday so just wanted to add I'm not doubting that much and #I'm really excited about said gifts #tbh I feel like binder will help doubts #owen's thoughts #trans #ftm #lgbtq+#lgbtq #lgbt #transmasc #gender struggles #questioning #gender questioning #transgender #long post

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gilded-green · 3 years

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In celebration of the 10th anniversary, I’ll probably reread GG and send updates/highlight areas and as for commentary. Probably XD

But first. What aspect of Gilded Green was your favorite? What was something you put in a lot of world building for but never got to show either in fic or on tumblr. Who is your favorite character and why, what makes them special in your eyes? Which character has turned into a completely different one as soon as you started writing them? Which part of the fic did you like most when you finished it, do you still like it? Similarly, which part do you dislike most?

Lasty, anything about gg2’s story you want to share/talk about/rant?

-love, the dai li fangirl

Haha, no pressure! But at the same time yes if you do feel free to send me passages for commentary here! <3

What aspect was my favorite? Hmmm. *thinking face* I think, when I first came up with it, I was just thrilled to have these two small things - minor character Lu Ten, overlooked villain organization Dai Li - that I was able to combine into something so big. That was pretty nifty!

As I started developing the story, I think what really caught my attention was the fact that “Wow, all these characters are awful people!” Like. The Dai Li aren’t good.The Fire Nation aren’t good. Lu Ten is a victim but also an oppressor. All off these people have extremely different beliefs and worldviews - Fire supremacist, police state enforcers, classist academic gatekeepers - and all of them think THEY’RE in the right here and none of them are. I think Tien and Hoang might be the only people with a decent, non-oppressive worldview in the story so far. XD I was growing out of the storytelling trope of black-and-white morality at the time, so it was really fun to start experimenting with writing awful people as enjoyable, sympathetic characters.

World building? Hmm. I was just learning how to use my worldbuilding muscles back then. I seem to remember reading up a lot on how brainwashing actually works in the real world and going “I don’t think this is compatible with what we have in ATLA” and just kinda tossing that whole thing out. XD I also recall looking up a lot of stuff for the bits about Jouin, some of which - kalua pig! - has since shown up again in WFFD. I also recall someone on FFdotnet at the time saying “All this chapter did was tell us more about a dead character than the living one” and I was just kinda like -_- yes because he is DEAD and this is your chance to feel sorry about that, we’ll get plenty more of the living one later on account of him still being, y’know, alive. XD

Oh, and Shirong’s personal side projects. I finally got into that a bit in A Meeting of Minds, but the dude DOES have his own stuff going on, which Delun so rudely interrupted to drag him off to see Long Feng about brainwashing a Firebender.

I also did a bunch of research for the birthday party interlude, I think. Mostly appropriate alcohol for such an occasion? And....okay, this’ll sound funny, but.....food containers. I wanted Fen to pack up leftovers for Suyin and Shirong. That’s what my Italian family does after get-togethers, and I assumed that a Chinese family/friend group would do the same! But I also had, like, zero exposure to everyday Chinese life, let alone everyday Chinese life in the 1800s, and I just didn’t have the...idk, cultural osmosis? to figure it out. Like, if you asked me how Victorians would transfer food I’d probably come up with “Idk, wrap it in cloth and stuff it in a basket?” and I assumed people living in modern China would also be able to explain what their people did for food storage/transport 150 years ago but I didn’t have that cultural background, now, did I??? Also this was 10-12 years ago I was looking this up, mind you, the internet was still very different, there was plenty of information on Chinese historical events but not on everyday life objects, CDramas weren’t easy to find if they were translated at all and I certainly didn’t know they existed, and no one was posting beautiful aesthetic videos of life in a rural Chinese mountain village to youtube yet. Eventually I learned that bamboo baskets were a thing, but there wasn’t much info on THOSE either and I wasn’t sure how to describe them, so I just tentatively typed “basket” and called it a day. XD

YOU CANNOT ASK ME TO CHOOSE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER THAT’S LIKE ASKING ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN MY CHILDREN!!! *shoves Yong off a cliff*

I’m very fond of the Dai family, along with the Trungs and Sais. I’m very proud of how Tuan turned out. I adore Yuan, who you’ve barely met, and Xun, who you haven’t. Huang and Wu Sheng are also definite faves and I can’t wait for y’all to get to know them better.

Characters do usually behave for me in terms of personality development. They surprise me, but they never really turn out to be the complete OPPOSITE of what I was expecting? They just kinda develop organically. Huang and Wu Sheng surprised me, tho, those boys got deep. I knew they had the potential, but developing their backstory actually caused Stingrae and I to develop Ba Sing Se’s socio-political backstory and Long Feng’s rise to power, all because of an inkling I had. That was a very satisfying few years of worldbuilding and story development.

Um, favorite part of the fic....idk, I’m very fond of the final scene, with Azula and her wall chunk from Lu Ten. I’m doubly fond of it because of how it always resonates with readers. Heck, during Azula week last year, I used that chunk of rock as an ongoing theme in Sandstone, and someone commented like “I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WROTE GILDED GREEN” and that made me really happy!

Lu Ten’s time stuck underground - I used the seven stages of grief to get through that one and it was very helpful in structuring that part of the story, and I figured it was deep or something because PSYCHOLOGY.

I’m also proud of myself for getting through the dark brainwashing scenes. So, like, FYI, fanfiction could get...very dark, back in the 00s. People love to play purity police these days and complain about how nasty people get can, but listen. Listen. Do you have any idea how dark FFdotnet got back in the day? Legolas And Aragorn Get Captured By Orcs And Brutally Tortured was an entire genre. I feel like torture fic was actually a lot more common back then, and darkfic in general - I’m sure someone could write a whole thesis on why it’s not so prevalent anymore, I’m gonna guess the fact that fandom is less-insulated and more public now could be part of it, maybe also the fact that the internet is more social media/influencer culture based so people care about their image, and also the purity police which is its own kettle of worms, but I also think that the Bush Administration had something to do with it? You have all these kids who were pre-teens when 9/11 happened, growing up during the Iraq War with an awful presidential administration while everyone was scared and conservative Christianity started to realize that their control over the nation’s “morality” might be slipping and reacted accordingly......yeah there was a lot of darkfic back then.

And I read a lot of darkfic too, but, uh....well, statistically speaking, a lot of writing is bad, okay? A lot of those fics were just weird; you could see where the writer had this idea, and also where they failed to execute it in a way that resonated or made sense. And whatever, writers were young and just wanted to pound out some catharsis, it’s cool, but it still just felt narratively awkward when you could tell how the writer was more focused on LET’S MAKE THIS AS DARK AS POSSIBLE instead of “Let’s tell this as well as possible.”

So the first several attempts at writing the brainwashing scenes, I was nervous because I didn’t want to get TOO dark, and when I finally decided “eff it” and said to Stingrae “I think I need to let this be as dark as it needs to be” I was still nervous because I didn’t want it to end up WEIRD. Idk if that makes sense, but anyway I seem to have done a decent job at it!

As for parts I dislike the most, uhhhhh Iroh’s retreat (I didn’t care, I just wanted to get it over with), Enlai might’ve been promoted too fast? idk, the fact that I came up with Nanyue AFTER I finished publishing GG so I couldn’t work that into the Quy bits, the fact that I was young and innocent and didn’t understand sexual slang or innuendo and randomly chose Dong as the name of the court physician which could lead to some awful puns except no one ever seemed to pick up on that and maybe I’ll regret pointing it out but the man IS going to appear again so I might as well get the first shot in myself. XD

I might have GG2 stuff to talk about but not sure, if I do I’ll make another post on that!

#GG tumblr escapades #GG 10th anniversary

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littlebabycrybtch · 3 years

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bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality.

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person.

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !!

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

#long post//#i would like one free ticket to pop off please. thank you #can i cash it in immediately if you dont mind

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tangerinegod · 4 years

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Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you!

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D.

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job!

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy!

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work.

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer..

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus!

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

#anon #ask #long post #im so so sorry this is like long as shit #ill literally tell you guys everything though art school should not feel like a mystery esp if ur planning to go into it!#Anonymous

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thebaddie96-blog · 3 years

Text

Once In A Life Time

~Chapter 2~

My Airbnb was a cute yet small studio with a great view of the city. There were stairs that lead to a queen bed above the kitchen, shit I even have a bidet. I don't even know how to work that thing but I'm sure as hell gonna use it.

“Ok B, it's your first day in South Korea. What are you gonna do?’”

“Mmmhmm well I don't know Be-Be let us think!!”

"K Dramas!!!" I yell and rush to turn on the TV. I settle into a show called 'Revenge Note' but not even 5 minutes into the show I start to doze off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*buzz buzz* *buzz buzz*

"Mmm." *buzz buzz* "ugh."

Slowly I wake up to the sound of my phone buzzing in my ear. Grabbing it I answer without looking, much to my regret.

“BE-BE!!! HOW DARE YOU WORRY ME LIKE THIS?" I pull back the phone checking the caller I.D.

"Min-ho?"

"So now you remember your friends. Are you sleeping? You've been in Korea for 6 hours and you chose to sleep!!" Ugh he is so dramatic.

"Chill Min-Min ok it was a 14 hour flight cut me some slack and on top of that my entire outfit got ruined by some sexy tattooed god. Which reminds me I still have to change."

"Sexy Tattooed God??? Give me the phone. Hello?"

"So-eun heyyyy girly."

"Don't hey girly me, we will be at your place in 20min be ready." And with that she hung up.

Ugh great.

Min-ho and So-eun are old friends of mine. I've known them for about 5 years when they came to America to study abroad at the same college I was in. Even though I didn't stay in school I stayed in contact with them. Sometime around their senior year they decided it would be a good idea to date and have been together ever since. Min-ho is pretty outspoken but a softy at heart, but So-eun she is a force to be reckoned with.

I really just wanted to sleep. The flight was really long and I need time to refresh my senses. Sighing I get up, take a quick 5 minute shower then put on some black ripped skinny jeans and a black top. Just as I get my shoes on Min-Min calls me letting me know they are here. Welp here we go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We sat inside a Korean BBQ restaurant and god I didn't realize how hungry I was. My friends could barely get in a word as they watched me chomp down on the several beef strips Min-Min grilled for us.

"Ok ok B, slow the fuck down.선량" So-eun request looking around the restaurant at all the eyes watching amazed I could consume so much. I swallow hard then burp sitting back in my chair.

"Sorry I didn't realize how hungry I was and the food is so good!" I say scoping a big chunk of white rice in my mouth.

“Babe i’m so glad you're here. I’ve missed you so much.” Min-ho says pulling me into a hug. “How was the flight in? Did you navigate your way to the airbnb well? Why didn’t you call us when you landed? you know we would have come get you. Why were your clothes ruined? These are questions I need answers to."

“Min-ho! Chill ok. The flight, the flight was... rough but I made it. I didn’t really navigate myself to my airbnb but I got there safe. I told you I wanna experience Seoul for myself. And the answer to the last question; it's an un- interesting story.” I finished stuffing more meat in my mouth.

“Great we love un-interesting stories.” So-eun states snatching my chopsticks out of my hand. I roll my eyes slouching back in my seat.

“Really it's nothing, I was waiting for my taxi, a private car zoomed up to the curb and in the process splashed a shit ton of dirty street water all over me. The driver and his boss felt bad so they offered to drive me to my airbnb.” They just sat there staring.

“Ok… and when does the sexy tattooed god come into the story.” Min-ho say mimicking my statement from earlier. So-eun slaps his shoulder motioning for him to be quiet.

“The boss of the driver was the sexy tattooed god. But he was weird, he kept smiling at me and wasn’t really listening to anything I was saying it was just let me wipe your face this let my driver drive you that. I mean come on he didn’t even know me. I could have killed his driver and stolen the car."

“But you didn’t.” So-eun says smiling

“Shut up!” rolling my eyes I throw a piece of kimchi at her. “He told his driver to give me his card In case I “need” any extra help."

“That's great, let me see his card.”

“I don’t have it, it's back at the airbnb.” I quickly snatch back my chopsticks and continue eating.

“Well did you at least get his name?” Min-ho asked.

“Nope he never said and I didn’t really look at the card.” They both just roll their eyes giving up. “ His diver did refer to him as Mr. Yu tho”

“Ok that could be anyone in South Korea.”

I just shrug trying to enjoy my meal. I didn’t come to Korea for guys no matter how beautiful or sexy they might be. No matter how well designed and applied their tattoos are.

“When is your meeting with AMOG?”

“Not till Friday. I came early to hang out, sight see and shop.”

“I still can't believe they are thinking of signing you on as a label choreographer.” So-eun gushes.

“Thats not why they’re calling me in. Besides it’s all thanks to Min-Min if he hadn’t slipped Jay Park my youtube channel I doubt I would be here.”

“Nope don’t do that, he found you I just simply stated you were my best friend in the whole world at our last photoshoot.” Min-ho went to school for fashion design and styling. He is on the come up as one of South Korea's top stylists. And So-hun is his manager, don’t let her personality fool you when it comes to business shawty doesn’t play.

"Welp either way it's just a trial. To see how i fit in with the group, and how much of a demand Im needed/ wanted."

I've been dancing for pretty much my whole life but I stopped my freshman year of college after my mom passed. She really wanted me to be a lawyer or psychologist or something like that so I tried to do it her way. But one day I had a dream about her and she told me how happy she was that I would think to follow the dream she had for me but she would be much happier if I followed my own dreams. After I woke up I quit school and started dancing full time. Crazy right but if I didn't have that dream I honestly don't know where I would be right now.

"You'll do great!! Don't second guess you're self." I just nod shrugging it off. Im really just happy to be here. If it works out it works out if it doesn't…..then even will be ok. I hope.

“I have to go pee.”

“Great thanks for sharing.” Getting up I stroll to the bathroom and flash a smile over my shoulder. Min-ho pulls So-eun into a hug and kisses her forehead. Aww they are so cute. I throw them one last look and head toward the bathroom.

After doing my do I quickly washed my hands. I do 2 quick poses checking my outfit then exit the door.

“Dude your drunk! Watch out!” I turn my head to the commotion coming from my right. Some guy clearly drunk off his shits was attempting to dance on one of the tables in the restaurant.

“Leave me alone you party pooper.” he suddenly picks up a hand full of Sigeumchi Namul and chucks it at the guy smearing the seasoned green vegetable on his face and shirt. The drunk guy on top of the table proceeds to laugh his ass off. The other guy now irritated picks up a hand full of Oi Muchim and throws it very forcefully at the man laughing hysterically. Suddenly he slips in his drunken fit smashing to the ground near their table. The Oi Muchim that was originally meant for the namji on the floor sprung through the air toward my direction. It was as if everything was in slow motion. So-eun and I had the same reaction oh shock as the one who inflected the throw eyes burst open as a look of ‘oh fuck’ crossed his face.

Well isn’t this just great. With not enough time to react I felt the slippery red sauce splat on my chest and neck and the green cucumbers creating their own personal design on my belly. Just great.

The guy who threw the Oi Muchim sprinted from his table towards me forgetting about his friend who now looks passed out on the floor.

“I am so sorry, that was not meant for you.” he speaks with an incredibly deep voice. almost demonic like. I give him a "no shit Sherlock" look then proceed to flick the access food off of me.

“ You had better be are you fucking kidding me, why don’t you and your drunk of a friend go to a bar if you’re gonna do shit like this.” So-eun dashes from our table next to me helping me clean off.

“So-eun it’s fine. Clearly his friend is going through something, no one can get drunk at 2 o’clock in the afternoon.”

“Yeah.” The guy states rubbing the back of his head. “We just lost a pretty big deal for our company and he is taking it pretty hard. But that is still no excuse.”

“You damn right.” I shoot So-eun a glare signaling for her to shut up.

“Please let me make it up to you; no let my buddy make it up to you. He will pay for your meal.” Both So-eun and I looked on either side of this stranger to checkout his friend who is still on the ground passed out with his pants halfway down. So-eun and I share a look giggling a bit at the picture in front of us.

“Its ok you guys are good I-”

“I’m sorry hold on for a sec.” So-eun grabs me and turns us around giving our back to the guy. “Are you seriously trying to give up a free meal?”

“Look this is the second time today that I had an outfit ruined. I'm over it let's just go pay the bill, grab chicken and beer and go back to my place.”

So-eun just sighs “B, I can't let you do this, it's a free meal.”

“What's a free meal?” Where has he been throughout this whole commotion. “Woah babe what happened to your clothes.”

“Where have you been? Could you not hear all the commotion?” So-eun accuses Min-ho, slapping his chest. He just stares looking confused.

"I had a phone call."

“Min-ho? What's up bro.” All of our eyes dart to the guy behind us. I almost forgot he was there.

“Woo? What's up, what are you doing here?” So-eun and my head shoot back toward Min-ho.

“Hold up, yall know each other?”

“Yeah Woo and I go way back I do a lot of the styling for Dynamic Duo.” Both of our faces form an O and slowly look back to this Woo guy. Looking him up and down we both take in his appearance. Black jeans that fit his legs very well, a slim black loose fitted shirt slightly hugging his biceps and two full sleeves of tattoos covering his arms and hands. Jesus, he must eat sleep and breathe the gym. Finally scanning up to his face I am shocked by his incredible jawline and cheekbones. The man was something out of a horror film. Mmm maybe a soft core horror film cause you couldn’t deny he was attractive.

“Ehem.” he clears his throat looking at us, although it sounded more like a rough growl. “So about that meal.”

“Dude are you hitting on my best friend! At a restaurant?” You can always count on Min-oh to completely read a situation wrong. He smiles giving this Woo guy two thumbs up and a wink.

“ You know what, do what you guys want. Have him pay for the meal, don't have him pay. I don't care. I’m gonna go and see if i can find a new shirt. I'll meet you guys at the car.” walking to our previous table I grab my bag and head out the door.

“Really Min-ho” So-eun smacks his shoulder.”

#scenarios #stories #friends #fanfic #monsterwoo #demonwoo #ambw bwam #newchapter

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iridescent-king · 4 years

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make a circuit with me (esp the version by the phenomenauts) bc electricity. also its a bop. AC/DC’s thunderstruck for a more jokey answer

{ Make a circuit with me is a BANGER?? Also relevant! Thank u so much :D and yes, of course thunderstruck. fml

responses to the rest of the requests under the cut! }

I LOVE THIS SONG I thought I had this on the playlist already but apparently I didn’t? Gonna remedy that now. I know I have Mad as Rabbits and I Have Friends in Holy Spaces, though :3 I think Pretty Odd is my favourite Panic album

I LOVE DR.HORRIBLE’S SING ALONG BLOG AAAA one of my favourite musicals. Nathan Filion is also hilarious XD and the MUSIC. they kinda did Penny super dirty tho bur whatever.

I was thinking about putting Dr.Horrible songs on the blog but all of them are pretty plot relevant for Dr.Horrible, and not necessarily for Dr.Cater, so I omitted them. Thank you for the suggestion though! :D

(fun fact, i made a lyricstuck thing for My Eyes once!)

Ah yes, of course. I never thought I’d be able to hear this song again because of how badly I overplayed it when I was like 14 but I think I’m ready to embrace it again.

I like the idea that Herman has the ability to paralyze ppl with his powers, but I guess in the scenario the lyrics present, this is an IRL au where Herman meets Feng at a club? XD hahaha I love it. Sold.

Very 80s, Very Danger. Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll take it!

@hellenistyx YES I HAVE I love that somebody just went and made a song dubstep about Herman LMAO. How appropriate?? He kinda sounds like weird dubstep anyway. 10/10

@ask-vantablack Woooaaah. This slipknot song is blowing my mind. It’s so bizarre but deliberate?? And the lyrics can be applied to Herman’s story pretty seamlessly 😍

some of the sounds in Blue make me think of the sound you hear in tier III madness? The music box is especially giving me Herman vibes! MK Ultra did do some pretty horrific experiments on children after all.

and about that KoRn song... I am shocked. All of the lyrics from 2m onward is Herman literally just describing himself getting dragged to the entity’s realm and I am super here for it.

Thank you so much for the suggestions! these are probably among the best ive gotten 😍 😍 😍

VERY HERMAN SOUNDING, electricity, the lyric “the doctor is insane...” MMM *chef kiss* Doesn’t get much better than this. I never would have found this on my own, thank you so much for sending it!

@totally-not-an-awkward-okapi This is probably one of my staple songs for the Doctor. The vocals, the distortion, the ECT! The banging piano?? the SINISTER VIBES the Mind Electric is THE Doctor song, tbh. I wanna make an animation meme for it sometime.

Thanks everyone so much for the suggestions! :D Now It’s my turn to share some Doctor Tunes

The Avalanches - 'Frontier Psychiatrist of course

Suicide Booth - Mad Scientist

Men At Work - Dr. Heckyll & Mr. Jive

Alan Parsons Project - Doctor Tarr And Professor Fether

Oingo Boingo - Nasty Habits

Michael Guy Bowman - Mad Science

#((i figured i'd condense it into one post #((save ppls dashboards #((i list some of my favourite herman tunes at the end :3c #ooc #answer #((im always accepting song recs #((but maybe DM me #((so i can get back to u faster #((thanks everyone!#Anonymous

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zikadraws · 4 years

Text

Ok then... It's gonna be really complicated, but let's go for a

🌙LM4-PROJECT🌙 CONCEPT PRESENTATION (part 1).

(Better say it now : it's gonna be a LONG post.)

Alright, so let's start with the main new character of the project ; and just because you can't really airdrop a character without any context, I'm going to try and summarize the global story of the game concept.

Sooo please meet :

Basically a doctor, vet, researcher and detective for ghosts.

A kid who, at her time of living, once managed to solve an important ghost crisis menacing the equilibrium between the living world and the Beyond Dimension (long story short she appeased and cured corrupted ghosts and helped them to destroy what corrupted them).

Her act got the attention of the forces that were in charge of this equilibrium in the first place in the Beyond Dimension, so when she passed away nevertheless due to pitiful life conditions, they offered her to become a really special type of spirit ; some sort of saviour, who reappear when ghosts meet dark times, who help them solve their problems and play ambassador with the Humans if necessary, by being reincarnated. (She was absolutely bewildered, but she rolled for it.)

So she did it, and became a really powerful-skilled ghost helper, getting reincarnated when needed, under the following system : she reappears where she can somehow get to the problem, but they don't have a body or soul ready for her, so her reincarnation quality depend on if there's people where she lands or not :

- like if there was no one around, she rolls with her original body, but has no soul so no emotions ;

- if there was one person, she possess their body and got their soul so feelings, but that process consumes (and kills) the unfortunate host in the end ;

- or (extremely rare), she collides with two persons, in which case she forms a soul out of their both, leaving them enough to survive and leaving her with a body mixing their both DNA, a bit of their personalities (and her original characteristics of course, just like a newborn actually), so she gets everything and nobody dies ; BUT that case is only possible if the persons's souls share a strong bonding link with each other, which is why she almost never got this in millenaries.

- (She also is deeply related to the Dark Moon.)

---

ANYWAY. These informations were here for a better understanding of the story, which comes now (the most summarized I could do) :

- It begins on a soirée at Peach's castle, where they celebrate Luigi's victory on the hotel's anniversary. Everyone is here, including notably Princess Daisy, E. Gadd and even all of our favourite ghosts.

- Light ambiance, congratulations, strangely evasive allusions from E.Gadd about how's King Boo doing, when suddenly, Luna is getting reincarnated. Just near Luigi and Daisy, who were ''just being dance partners''. And yeah you guys guessed : she gets the third reincarnation option, and becomes the child you saw in the picture. (She's extremely stunned herself.)

- Everyone freaks out, she very awkwardly explains them who she is and what she do (''no I'm not some random evil entity, chill out'') and then declares she's here because apparently an extremely important ghost figure has been abnormally weakened, so she had to take care of them asap.

- Everyone turns out to the usual ghost specialist, E.Gadd, out of reflex : then it appears he sneaked away during Luna's speech. She gets it first and hurry them to escort her to his lab : where they catch him while he's packing some weird equipment, and crystals of the same type of KB's crown, and also from the old mine in LM2. King Boo himself was surexposed to it, which that was what got him horribly sick. E.Gadd flees through a portal and breaks it before they could even react.

- So yeah : the main antagonist of the game is this time E. Gadd. We discover that he used Luigi so he could get his ghost research to another frightening level : like when they return to the new hotel for a first level, they realize that the walls and rooms and everything is stuffed with sensors and ghost studying material- and when they get to the roof, they have to leave in emergency because the whole building fucking teleports god knows where. Which was obviously planned for something like that.

His reasons will be discovered around the two tiers of the game.

- They also realize he greffed some ghosts with mind controllers. They are the enemies in the first two mansions, (I'd talk about that in another post), along with robots and gooey thingies. After, they (Luigi) have to ride through the Evershade Valley, to prevent anymore damage, and have to capture boss victims of ''ghosts controllers'' and free-minded but scared and recalcitrant ghosts.

(I didn't heard of the Experiment AU when I got this idea, just to clarify. Sorry.)

- Meanwhile Peach and Daisy host the now homeless ghosts (who are in-game randomly wandering in the castles, doing their shenanigans and the player can interact with them :) ), while Luna took E. Gadd's usual role and guides Luigi (kindlier and with better humour, and even some interventions of the ghosts and others), takes care of the rescued-captured ghosts and above all of King Boo whose health represents an important issue.

The game goal is to save and protect the ghosts ; and destroy E. Gadd's installations and stop him. (Tho KB did not stop to hate Luigi for crap. He will get you to remember it.)

The game includes almost-open world after the two first mansions (perhaps) and also the return of the Game Boy Horror from the first game (and its comments).

---

Here, it was basically the global plot of the story. Hope it sounds interesting to you, because it still is really unsure. If you have questions, ask away.

I'd like to talk about the game playable mansions and zones after, if it does.

Aaaand let me end that first part of that LM4-project presentation with a completion of character personality development for little Luna :

- As she is reborn from Luigi and Daisy's souls and being, she inherited some of their appearance traits and above all, from their personalities : so she's in the same time extremely sensitive and insecure and a volcanic & revendicative bonehead. An epic combination.

- She got the Luigi's Death Stare™ and she uses it frequently (as for some nervous tics from him too) and gets easily excited like Daisy ;

- She's by nature determined (especially to help, wether you like it or not), fast-minded and thirsty for discovering, and knows how to adapt if a situation or ghost requires so.

- Even though she got a shit ton of knowledge from her previous reincarnations, adult problems still pass completely up her head. (That's why she didn't get why Luigi and Daisy were so flustered when she told them about the soul bonding condition thing. At least, not at first.)

- She has the same abilities as ghosts (like flying, telekinesis, passing through the walls, and a little bit of possession and mind reading) and can go feral black-eyed ghost if pushed too far (happen more often now that she has Daisy's temper). But she knows where to put the limit.

- Serpci knows her personally and Hellen got once obsessed with her ; so knows a lot of stories about her. May talk about it from time to time from her prison.

- Likes to wears dark, phantom-themed clothes. And mainly green, lately.

- Can take radical decisions from time to time.

- Loves every ghost, including boos.

- Socially awkward, but quick to make friends.

-...that's all I got for now.

(...Yeah she's basically a fanchild, I know... Problem, buddy ?)

---

Alriiight--- so that was it.🎵

Let me know what you thought and perhaps we can go further on the lore !

...(Thank you.).

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jbbuckybarnes · 4 years

Text

Distant Connection - 6/11

Pairing: Bucky x Harmonia (OC) Warnings: mentions of wicca/witchcraft, mention of parents death, gossiping about main character Summary: After an unknown group of goons took her mom’s life and tried to get her for the dark magic powers she possesses, this untaught witch is saved by the Avengers and brought to the compound where her new life unfolds.

MASTERLIST || Distant Connection Masterlist

“Book of Shadows” was standing on the little notebook she had taken out of her backpack. She opened it and went through it bit by bit. Astrology, Elements, Crystals, Tarot, Herbs, Spells, Witchcraft. She took a marker and started writing “Dark Magic” and started documenting all the things she had already figured out and trained. It was late at night and she wasn’t really tired and half of the team was on a mission. The perfect evening for some self-care and journaling. It was raining outside and the rain kept making little sounds against her window every time the winds changed. The compound was silent except for some white noise and a few footsteps here and there.

After writing everything off of her soul and also making a little journal entry, she flipped through her collection of notebooks that she had taken with her when the team rescued her. She packed quickly so there was only some clothing, electronics, and her memory box that she took with her. It was full of little pictures, articles, notebooks, and hard drives. This was what she would save in a fire together with her phone and documents. Griefing the tragic death of her mother became easier with these little things and she cried less than before. She accepted it, she couldn’t change it anymore and wanted to cherish what she still had left of it. “You miss your old life.” A voice came from the entryway and out of panic she created a defense wall in milliseconds but it didn’t have an effect on the person standing there. “Sorry for scaring you, Harmony.” Vision now said understanding he should’ve made himself more audible beforehand. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, I just was so deep into reading that you just…” She tried to explain. “And do you miss it? Your old life?” He asks genuinely interested. “It’s not really the life that I miss. Just my mom.” Her voice was laced with sadness. He sat down beside her trying to show her that he was there for her. “Grief is profound. But it gets better, right? You feel more calm about it than a few weeks ago.” He analyzed the situation. “Yes. It helps to remember the good moments with her or writing about my emotions. Why are you here tho?” She was okay with being open about it but she also was confused as to why he was here now. “I never met someone with your personality. It’s fascinating. And I thought you wouldn’t mind some company because the people close to you are gone right now. Do you want me to leave?” He asked concerned. “No. I just wanted to know your intentions. It’s...I don’t speak to a synthetic person with an infinity stone in their head every day,” she said a little shy. “I don’t understand the interaction of emotions completely all the time but I think I’ve already learned a great deal of what it’s like to be like you. Always happy to talk. Wanda is very similar to you in some ways and I feel like I might be of help sooner or later if you need to talk.” He explained himself further. “I appreciate that. Very empathetic of you to be honest but right now I don’t really have a lot of thoughts building up in my brain that I wanna share. Any other ideas what to do?” She answered honestly. “I like cooking a lot. Should we...make a late-night snack?” His face lit up a bit. “Sure. Pancakes? I just love pancakes a lot,” he answered instantly with a smile.

Having humorous conversations with Vision was the last thing she expected but because he knew so much about humanity and media it was actually great to see him get all her jokes and him explaining weird things humans do that don’t make sense to him. “Let’s make some more and put them into the fridge for tomorrow morning. Cold pancakes are so good!” She suggested to him while sitting on the kitchen isle. “Is that the equivalent to cold pizza as breakfast? Cause I find that very weird.” He smiled up at her on the counter while starting to put together a new bowl of pancake batter. “It’s kinda similar now that you say it. It’s the sweet equivalent I guess.” She started to think about it out loud. There was a door opening and a lot of quiet but hectic talking from the hallway all of a sudden which made both of them look up to see the teammates that were just coming back from the mission. “So early?” She asked when she saw Steve. “Was a base but also a dead end,” he answered before leaving into his room. He also was the first one to come back into the room with wet hair and rubbing his hands “What do we have here? Late-night pancakes? Can I have?” He asked with puppy eyes. Vision and Harmony looked at each other for a second before she nodded with a smile and a little motion through his hair. The next person coming in was James, totally done but also happy to see her. Instead of aiming for the food he aimed for a hug from his girlfriend still sitting on the kitchen isle. “Why so sad big boy?” she asked him with her arms around his head. “If I have to hear Sam for one more second I’m gonna lose it!” He grumbled into her shoulder and felt her giggle. There was an “Uh la la.” Coming from behind clearly directed at them and she felt James tense up. “Sam, fuck off. No pancakes for you!” He heard from Harmony in a confident voice. “But it’s pancakes! Everyone else gets to eat!” Sam whined. “Maybe go on his nerves a little less,” she said chuckling. “Can I have one pretty please?” He asked nicely. “What do I get for it?” She started to negotiate and James started smiling into her shoulder. “I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow,” he said after thinking about it for a few seconds. “Deal,” she said and he echoed it back. After James could hear him sit down he looked up from her chest with a boyish smile. “Showing your true colors, huh?” His smile emitted proudness. “Damn, don’t call me out like that,” she said fake shocked. “Damn, get a room you two!” they heard a voice coming from the door. Tony. “Excuse me?” She said ready for a fake bitch fight. “Don’t come at her. She is ready to win today,” Sam said with his mouth full from the dinner table. “A warning from Wilson? Wow. I’m impressed,” Tony answered fake impressed but sat down on the table with a little smirk. James let go and finally grabbed a plate too and got the pancake right out of the pan from Vision. “Thank you V!” He smiled and hopped onto the kitchen isle beside Harmony. Everyone went silent and just sat there eating with their phones and some of them wrote in between. “Is this a weird group chat situation or are you all just on social media?” She chuckled. “You sure you wanna know?” Tony answered. “I can magic it out of you if I want to,” she said with an unfazed smile. “It’s a group chat,” he answered shortly after. Harmony touched James’ leg to give him a little impulse, a message? He was confused for a second but then got it. *They’re probably talking about us.* He shrugged at her before looking back down on his plate with a very subtle smile. Another subtle touch on his knee *What about tomorrow morning? Unless their plan is to leave us alone every time they are finished eating. I’m down to show them how foolish they are.* She saw him nod so slight that it was almost not detectable. He was incredibly good at hiding the fucking implosion the thought of kissing her in front of them gave him. Shortly after he finished his pancakes, put the plate in the sink and went to his room without a word. She could read him well enough to know that this was part of the plan of irritating the others.

After a lot of silence and her looking at her phone every now and then someone broke the silence. “What is it about him?” Tony asked. “I think you can relate pretty well to how it is when someone shares or understands your pain, past, grief, characteristics coming from those past traumatic events. That’s it. He gets it, he doesn’t judge and he makes me feel protected.” she said not facing them. She was still too broken to talk about herself in-depth in front of multiple people. “I think everyone in this room understands.” Vision started trying to comfort her, “Steve and Bucky share their out of time life, Sam shares the experience in of military and Tony the experience of losing your parents and putting too much onto yourself.” He really was very empathetic when it came to the important moments. She totally understood why Wanda had found her peace with him. His words hit the others with truth and pain. She smiled at him with gratitude. “He makes you feel happiness again, right? Like I do that for Wanda or Pepper does that for Tony. Even Wanda for you.” he asked. “You mean a safe place?” He nodded, “Yes. He’s my safe place.” Her voice was sounding breakable like glass. The room was silenced by that. She didn’t speak to half of them until today and hearing her be so honest made them realize some things about themselves. With a touch on V’s shoulder, she jumped from the kitchen isle and left the room with a small “Goodnight.”

The silence of the building was almost unsettling now that everyone was back. Normally she could hear them talk in the kitchen late at night or at least heard some footsteps. Today that wasn’t the case. Vision seemed to have made them think about some things.

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aziraphaleandcrowley · 4 years

Text

Tldr: me word vomiting lots of random emotions and thoughts I’ve been having about my life. Would put under a read more but tumblr mobile is shite. Ignore if you wanna, I just needed to throw this into the world cos I’ve been so socially distant from everyone in my life that I haven’t spoken to anyone about this, and I’m not sure I would’ve even if I actually replied to my friends more than once in a blue moon

...............................................................

Me: honestly convinced I’m never gonna find romantic love cos I’m ace and probably aro - at the very least I’ve never been attracted to/interested in someone enough to want to date them and the whole being sexually attracted to someone and looking a people and wanting to have sex with them sounds fake and doesn’t resonate with me at all.

Me: is theoretically a very sex favourable and positive person but the idea of sex with someone I’m not dating is just so weird to me but damn do I wish there was someone who knew me and my likes and dislikes to be intimate with

Me: is super duper disappointed to not experience love/sex but is simultaneously doing literally zero to create opportunities cos I just don’t speak to anyone outside of my family and colleagues, and the one single guy I had any interest in at work is gay and has left.

Me: reads fanfic constantly and I’m now wondering whether it is beneficial in distracting me from my loneliness or enhancing it. I think both. I think I need a break from fanfic at the very least but honestly don’t know what I’d do without it cos it’s been my go to hobby for so many years and I legit read for 30+ hours a week and that’s soo much time to fill???

Me: really doesn’t want to have kids in the future cos I don’t understand kids in the slightest and pregnancy is terrifying and I still feel like a child myself and I know this is something which may change in the future but I don’t think so and my mum bringing up wanting grandkids on a near weekly basis recently is kinda starting to put me on edge cos I’m already starting to feel like a disappointment cos I’m an only child and I’m the only opportunity for grandkids - which I know is ridiculous but it how I feel and that’s valid

Me: with my grandad in hospital (he’s gonna be fine, he would be out of hospital if he actually did what the doctors and nurses said about doing exercises etc) it has made me think about the family I do have which is: my mum, my dad, my grandad and my uncle. That’s it. I have two other uncles and several cousins etc who I see maybe once a year but they don’t really count.

Me: has a handful of really amazing friends who I haven’t spoken to in months and I don’t even really know why. They’ve all messaged me and I just havent replied. I’m not trying to actively push them away like I did with a friend in the past who I just felt drained with in the end whenever we interacted, but honestly every time I get a message I just feel exhausted at the prospect of ongoing social interaction. And it’s silly cos I know exactly the kind of thing I could message people about to start a conversation, like I could talk to Emily about finally watching Hamilton and how it’s been two weeks and I’m still listening to song on repeat and how she was right about how good it is and yet it’s been a week and a half since I’ve thought about sending that message and yet I haven’t and just uggghhhh @me

Me: is horrified by the idea of being alone for life romantically, and knowing that between my ever dwindling family and me not talking to my friends that being alone if more likely that I ever want to think about

Me: wants to live a happy life of my own but don’t know how to. I want to move out but can’t afford to on my own and it’s super impractical when I can live with my parents for £20 per week for food. But god forbid if anything happens to one of my parents I’m gonna be stuck at home forever cos I have so little family and my parents have literally no one else to turn to.

Me: wants to do a masters in gender and sexuality studies writing about representations of asexuality on screen but I know I could write and entire book which would be great for phd level but I missed the deadline to apply cos June was crazy and all I’ve been doing recently is working 6 days a week then working on my car for a day before working another 6 days. And even if I did a masters and maybe eventually a phd I have no idea what I’d actually do with it? I have so little ambition for anything right now and the future is just a void of mystery in which I don’t even know what I want???

Me: is starting to think I might actually be kinda depressed. I’ve thought it on and off for longer than I’ll ever admit but I’d do quizzes online and they’d say I wasn’t so I didn’t really think too much more about it (and yes I know an online quiz is shit and means nothing but there’s no one I would want to talk to about it cos I feel like I have to be strong for the people around me and shit but yeah). I know I’m not happy, but that doesn’t necessarily equal depressed. All I know is I’m uninspired and I feel kinda empty. Doing stuff I do enjoy, if I actually do it, just makes me feel tired half the time so I end up trying to nap instead but then I don’t sleep great either, waking up in the night or when my dad is getting ready for work so I very rarely get a solid 8 hours of sleep. I’m irritable a lot too...

Me: even if I am depressed what does it matter? Like it does matter ofc, but my mum is on media for depression and it’s taking her weeks to get an appointment with the doctor to try and get a different dosage. I’m not a danger to myself or others, I’m unhappy, but who isn’t with COVID going on and there are people who need mental health services more than me. Which is really hypocritical of me to say cos I’ve told my best friend so many times that trauma and mental health etc aren’t competitions of who has it worse but it’s the truth. Also my mum and colleagues access the only mental health resources in town and I do not want to deal with interactions with people I know whilst trying to improve my mental health.

Me: I don’t know how many times I’ve said it in posts like this but something needs to change. I was set on a good course at the start of the year. I was getting out, socialising, doing new things, inspired to cook, learn to new music and change my lifestyle, and then COVID happened and since all of that has slowly drained away and I need to find a change to revitalise that. I’d hoped getting back to having driving lessons and working on my car would be a start, and to be fair it’s been less than two week since I restarted doing that, so maybe I can find a new spark of inspiration still. Within a couple of months I will pass my driving test. Hopefully it won’t take much longer than that to get my car finished and on the road (hopefully it’ll take two weeks to finish putting the rear end back together so we can finally get my car back on four wheels, then it’s just lots of little jobs which hopefully won’t take too long). The weather is supposed to be decent this week so I might work up the effort to go for a walk down the fields which always seems to relax me a little. And the cinema reopens at the end of the month so I’d finally have an excuse to get out of the house (I know COVID is not over and things should not be going back to normal any time soon, but I need to do something other than go work for 4 hours everyday and spend 90% of my time at home and most of that time in bed because I have nowhere else to go). I don’t know what else I can be hopeful for in the coming weeks but that’s a start and just listing them out here has made me feel a little better so.

I keep thinking about Patrick from Schitt s Creek, leaving his hometown to escape a life which didn’t fit him and finding everything he needed in a tiny town in rural Canada, and wishing I could do the same, but I know I’d just end up even more alone because I am not a social person in the slightest and don’t kno how to be despite knowing that me making changes is the only way to improve myself.

And then a line from Hamilton about death is easy, living is harder, and I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not in any way, shape or form want to die, but living is hard and I have an easy life. I have enough money that I was able to loan my dad the money to buy a car, and still have more savings after that than he does, I have a good that if not particularly well paid I do enjoy and I’m good at, my family live me in their own way, even tho I feel that part of my social distance and reluctantance towards others is because no one in my family is particularly socially inclined.

Maybe I just really need a hug.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore but I just had so much build of of words in my brain that they had to go somewhere and this has turned into my go to word vomit place

Things will get better. I don’t know when or how but they will. But they won’t if I don’t get enough sleep for a starters. So off to bed I go. If you’ve read all this thank you, I guess, for listening cos I’m not sharing this with anyone irl just yet. And I’m sorry this is so long but tumblr mobile doesn’t let me put in a read now but I want this out in the world even tho no one will see it

#anyway ignore me #long post for ts #sorry #tmi #rebecca speaks #again #with the amount of posts i jave like this on here im really starting to think i need to find an actual person to discuss stuff with #not sure what therapy options there are in the uk cos all my knowledge come from here which is so us centric #but i think im gonna do some research #tomorrow tho #long post #personal

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solara-bean · 4 years

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This is the very extensive and detailed rant of a fed up black, female student of class 2020

-You are free to scroll past this if you want. I really just needed to get this off my chest. But if you have advice or are experiencing a similar situation, feel free to message me-

So first off, I haven't liked going to school since I was 9. And highschool has only deepened my loathing of it. But maybe I don't hate school in general. Maybe I just hate the schools I've gone to ( 4 in total ). This rant is about highschool specifically. Perhaps what I'm about to type is normal and I'm overreacting. But I'm tired of not talking about my problems because I'm worried that I'll sound like an ungrateful brat. Typing/ writing about my issues makes me feel better. And I really need to feel better.

So here are the main points in order of severity: Low income, Advisory, Graphic Arts and Discipline/Work Ethic

Low Income:

I've only ever gone to low income schools in my neighborhood. I hoped high school would be different but thanks to the crappy education of my old school and an even crappier selective enrollment test score, I couldn't get into the schools I wanted. Then again my single mother probably couldn't afford those other schools anyway.

My highschool shares a building with another highschool. And unfortunately they called dibs on the best features and have control of the heating and ac. We don't even have our own gym. We also have the least amount of space with the smallest class being mine of 144 seniors. So there's a lot of packed classrooms.

Speaking of having way too many students, recourses are slim as a result. Our best equipment, chromebooks, need to be reserved weeks in advance by the teacher and even then they still may not be able to get enough of them for their class. Said chromebooks can often be missing keys, not work at all or be stolen easily because of their small size.

A few other issues are terrible lunches ( I've been bringing lunch from home since sophmore year), very limited field trips, mice infestation, very few clubs ( if we have any idk ) and teachers have to pay for just about everything class related.

Advisory:

Advisories were created to prepare us for greek life in college. I honestly think it's to keep everyone in check but ok. Even so I have absolutely 0 interest in anything frat or sorority related ( no offense to those who do ) as well as many of my classmates but advisory is mandatory.

My first 2 years of advisory were hell. Most of my advisory sisters were either people I'd never talk to because we weren't in the same class, had nothing in common or they were straight up terrible people. I should mention that freshman year has the worst students because about 30% don't make to the next grade or just transfer. Most of my advisory sisters I had problems with were in that 30% ( a few had already repeated ).

Since I kept to myself there were very few incidents were I was put into a tense situation with them. The main conflicts involved our advisor, who I guarantee you was not the problem. She was essentially a poor, white, optimistic, young math teacher from out of town that was thrown to the slaughter. And my cowardly self watched not wanting to be next.

She ended up leaving by junior year so what was left of my advisory merged with another and got a new advisor. The only downside is that our new advisor is a firm believer in " sisterhood " and no cliques ( even if you converse easier with a certain group of people and advisory is already a forced clique in itself ). Maybe I'd be more up for advisory events , which we rarely have , if my advisory experience wasn't sullied so early on.

Graphic Arts:

The reason I chose my school was because it had an art class. In seventh grade I knew I wanted to have a career in art and that my talent was lacking but had potential. So you can imagine my horror when I learned that the art teacher had left once I'd gotten there.

I was sad but stayed positive and even highly recommended them to get another art teacher. Then by sophomore we got an art after school program ( 4:25 to 6 twice a week ). I managed to keep my grades the same and take the classes every week for the entire school year. I only missed about 4 days total. For once I actually enjoyed staying after school.

The class taught me so much and I didn't have to wait for the summer to take an art class downtown. Even better I got to interact with other young artists of my race ( there was usually only one other black kid at the summer classes ). Everything was finally looking up.

Then the art galleries happened. The school hosted one per semester. I brought my art to display but I couldn't stay cuz of a shitload of math homework. I got complimented the next day but still regretted not staying. So I vowed to attend the next one with even more pieces than before.

The night finally came and I was hyped. Me and two seniors were in charge of doing caricatures for free ( one senior gave me a dollar tho ). I had fun with that but noticed something weird...none of our art was displayed.

Apparently they cut it out for time along with the theatre clubs performance. And I would've been fine with that. If my family hadn't come.

The icing on the cake was when they turned off the lights in the hallway where we were drawing the caricatures so they could start the show for the performing art groups. I couldn't contact my family until the show was over and booooiii were they pissed. Especially my mom. I was more sad than anything. I had a feeling my school valued the performing art more and this just proved that. At least now we have an actual art class. And my art teacher is awesome and supportive as hell.

Discipline/ Work Ethic:

These are together cuz they've equally fucked me up. Don't get me wrong. I have a 4.2 gpa and 0 detentions.

The problem is my classmates.

I have been to soooo many class/school meetings about behavior and grade issues over the past 4 years. One of which a staff member said " now i know all of ain't bs-in' but why aren't those people helping the ones who are."

Like wow! Thanks. I hate it.

I'd be happy to help my fellow classmates. It's just that their version of help is cheating off my tests and copying my homework.

So yeah my bad. I've been sooo selfish.

I can count on my hand the amount of times I've been told that I'm doing a good job directly and not in front of a class as a way to embarrass them.

This year behavior was so bad that they made a competition to see which advisory would get the least demerits. Big mistake. My heart goes out to all the poor well behaved students who lost because of a few advisory mates. It only takes one. The record for most demerits in a day was 30 I think.

I forgot the competition was going on at some point cuz I've only gotten 2 demerits in 4 years. My advisory won second and we played the waiting game for our prize only to have a pizza party with 17 other advisories. The winning advisory was salty as hell. But hey we got free lunch at least.

I managed to get good grades simply by doing everything on time and having no social life. This was by choice really. I promised myself I'd do better in college but now I gotta study for ap.

It was actually ap literature that gave me a new perspective on my classmates work ethic. We were given a lengthy reading assignment but the due date was stretched by two class days and the weekend. Even though I'd been mentally drained lately ( by lately I mean since the 1st week of school ) and had other work to do, I completed it with slightly less annotations.

Upon the due date I discovered that I and one other classmate completed the reading. Even the valedictorian didn't do it!!! And this wasn't a one time thing either.

In fact my class is notorious for never doing work on time. I'm talking completing-a-project-in-the-class before-the-it's -due- for bad. And some people I understand. Some of them really need help and resources. But every one else. Excuses excuses. The extended due dates gave me extra free time but it made the work I completed on time feel pointless. Like I could've just not done it and not face any consequences.

I tried that and was stressed out all day to the point of doing the work anyway. School's got me whipped I guess.

So if I hate highschool so much why do I go on time everyday, miss at most 3 days a year, do my work, behave myself and study??? Simple. I'm trying to get out. Having a good gpa and test scores will get me more scholarships cuz God knows my mom can't afford art college ( I got into my first choice so yeah:). Really highschool has just been a means to an end.

I've had my good days and have made some friends but I really just wanna run to hills with my diploma in hand. And thats what's kept me going. But now we're quarantined.

And my school has decided to make work optional.....and I have all A's......

Needless to say I've barely done any work at all. If we never have to go back theres a good chance I won't. I'm so numb at this point that I don't care that we may not have a prom ( aka the only dance I was ever going to go to ).

I'm just done. Done and fed up.

But thank you to my mom, family, bestie, teachers and my classmates that actually want to have a future for keeping me going. If I don't completely give up it's thanks to you. Future me, I hope you get everything you want at art school:)

#school #highschool #class of 2020 #2020 #senior year #rant #lomg rant #if anyone wants to share their shitty highschool experience feel free #i actually left a lot of stuff out #like the freshman year camping trip #and social media drama #and spanish class #ughh im getting flashbacks #if you read this thanks it means a lot😊💗💗💗

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rqs902 · 4 years

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IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS

ITS MY BOY ENYU!!!! ON THE FRONT PAGE???? okay also a big deal for zhaohao and li hao too!!!

ok now into part 2 of the ep

interesting that they focused on junhao for everybody. can understand he probably has the most different and struggle experience so probably more interesting for dramas sake lol im surprised they dont spend more time on shengen, considering his popularity.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA JUNHAO FREAKING OUT over the fact that they only learned the dance for 40 mins. LOL thats the level of tyger + kou cong + shengen, i can imagine the struggle of the yang guang nan hai group in comparison AHAHA i just imagine him running down the hall freaking out like HOW DID THEY LEARN THE DANCE IN JUST ONE CLASS WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE

lollll “theyre all dachang boys” “theyre all zhang yixing’s students” HAHAHAH you know even though he is slightly struggling compared to the rest, he aint bad and theyre all taking it light hearted with laughter so seems like a good learning environment! and he’s confident he’ll get it LOL thats good! i think thats what makes him so amusing

HAHAHA i love how lin mo just keeps giggling at junhao like he genuinely just finds him so amusing LOL yay for making new friends

awww bc junhao’s always been a leader i feel like for him to finally feel like hes being taken care of is so nice. i have absolute confidence that this group will treat him kindly. AW HE CALLED HIM MOMO

im still disappointed they have YET to show zhan yu’s funny/strange personality and this wouldve been a great opportunity bc hes surrounded by friends he’s comfortable with!! like his friendship with kou cong! or akey and lin mo! but sigh...

THEY PUT ZHAN YU IN THE FRONT FOR THE SEXUAL LINE HAHAHHA PERFECT BUT I SEE LIN MO BEING ONE OF THE ONLY ONES NOT SHOWING HIS ABS HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

wow the lyrics are so fitting for lin mo to scream LOL but also ay his vocals?! aw im glad they put in a little rap for shengen and akey! honestly was kinda hoping for more bc they havent had a proper stage together before and i feel like itd be awesome but also junhao and zhan yu vocalization at the end was on point!!

lol all the kids being like zhang pd’s words are so detailed and professional... sigh theyve been missing out until now

im glad they really pointed out how each member of this team did well! they really all did a great job with each of their parts, and they each got a little part to shine, and when put together, it was a complete performance. im proud of them and happy for them!

aw.... i feel like we’ve been waiting so long to hear lin mo get complimented.... i feel like it’s been since qcyn namanana that we’ve been waiting for him to redeem himself and climb back up to the peak. ugh its been nearly a year and a half. im just so terrified of whats gonna happen next bc im way too skeptical at this point to expect this high to continue, esp with what happened after namanana last time......... but for now, im happy. relieved hes finally getting the recognition he deserves and im happy that hes happy. lol i was also half scared we were gonna get spirit of the knight-ed again with his pink hair (nightmare flashbacks to lin mo and changxi’s deletion from that perf) i dont think ill ever get over that :( i feel like as a lin mo stan, ive been trained to not keep my hopes up and to prepare for the worst bc hes the type of person who just always gets the short end of the stick, it feels like.

aw the part when they go back to the waiting room and jin fan is waiting for them with an encouraging smile and the whole exchange of "帥的真的帥的" "哇~可以吧" "我沒想到" "那必須的" our leader did them proud :’)

ugh the part where luo jie calls them and tells them he can’t come back........ heart breaking. i can see why lin ran and xikan would be really affected. lin ran has been luo jie’s go-to since he left and knowing how their usual friendship involves making fun of one another and jokingly complaining about each other, it hits hard when lin ran says he cried his eyes out. it hurts that they didnt get to share the stage again before he left. xikan may not have shared the stage with luo jie during ip, but hes known him since then and has been with him through both rounds here. it interesting bc i feel like the namanana perf was very light hearted on qcyn but i cant see that happening here, esp with their outfits?

aw shiwei and chaowen taking charge to raise their spirits :’)

lin ran’s voice fits so well with this song wow! i really like his lines! also lol i didnt know xikan would have abs but okay and tbh im always hesitant about dances with props bc it always is so easy to look messy..... like every slight difference in angle in the way you hold your arms is immediately magnified

and like sxl’s fan is obviously broken and having performed fan dances myself i know that that’s like the most annoying thing to happen on stage, and can be really difficult to deal with, even tho it happens ALL THE TIME with those types of fans ugh :(

i mean its super kind of them to leave luo jie’s space empty for him, but its kinda weird to have parts of the audio missing sadly :( and also chaowen’s voice did something weird in the middle there, like its sounds weirdly weak

wait didnt yixing tell them to close the fan? but they didnt?

xikan’s facial expressions are perfecttt, good for him! wish they gave more screen time to shiwei during shiwei’s lines lol... but also i cant help but hear lin mo’s voice during that part LOL ugh speaking of which i miss that team dynamic namanana team a on qcyn HAHAHAH hwx being a brat and fjj running around wild and lin mo giving up on them all just laughing like idiots for hours on end while bo yuan just judges them from a corner LOL i love the beginning of the wenxuan and lin mo friendship good times :’)

HAHAH ENYU AGAIN WITH THE REALEST COMMENTS - i agree AHHAHAH i love these kids too but there was something off about this stage

im surprised but also not surprised by what the judges are saying

o didnt realize sxl was supposed to be center but i guess that explains the big puffy thing on his shoulder lol.......... agree with cx tho, even without his broken fan, i think the fans made them look worse bc it just looked messy

well idk if we’re getting all the stages today but at least jin fan’s is also getting aired! TYGER HUG FOR JIN FAN YESS

jin fan teaching them dance? yes thank you for showing us he is a good dancer. oof jin fan’s just too nice :( hes trying to avoid conflict too much that it caused conflict smh......... lol oscar trying to talk to su er hes having such struggle i feel that bro LOL hes doing really well though, tbh being relatively young, hes really trying his best and is being reasonable.

LOL HE CALLED HIM JIN FAN GE i forgot jin fan is considered old lol..... jin fan really taking the higher road here and im glad they sat together and talked it out a bit

THE JIN FAN VOICE YESSSS hahahhaha kou cong holding the tyger sign!!

oo is that some of his bel canto-style singing coming through LOL

AY NICE for hong weihao and oscar to put in some rap

some of those high notes were a bit questionable at the end but okay jin fan is really claiming that vocal + dance teacher role i see.... interesting

but agree with yixing that he doesnt need to force himself to do high notes bc his voice is so nice regardless!! yay for oscar getting recognition! im still waiting for jin fan to do a cool dance performance sigh

wasnt expecting an enyu feature BUT ILL TAKE IT

oof huang enyu saying hes really trying to put himself out there by going for leader and the realest comment that he hasnt considered getting to debut he just wants to pass this round oof and he feels like his opportunities may be cut short bc hes getting old oof

enyu and chenxu crying watching the movie

AW THEIR HAHA VIDEOS ARE THE CUTEST THING I LOVE THESE KIDSSS so sad that so many of them are at risk of elimination :( im glad these vocals made their own friend group! I hope itll be a memory they carry forward. they do all have shared experiences as vocals on this show.

this reaction to junrong’s voice

same tho :’) but actually all of their voices are so so nice like actually these 5 are all people whose voices ive really listened for on this show, but wow renyu’s voice in particular like really ugh just sounds so pure

also enyu looks really nice in this performance but thats a side note okay moving on

i mean literally these reactions

and li hao crying while singing and so many kids in the waiting room crying while watching OOF this perf has got me emotional

HAHAHHAHA THEIR INTROS HAHAHHA

UGH ENYU his plea just.... the way he yelled it bc it mustve taken courage and it mustve been a frustration on his mind for a while now and bc maybe he wouldve broken down if he hadnt yelled it out but im really crying now.... and its so out of character for him that you know he really really is feeling desperate and feels the need to speak out

lol wait gjm posted on weibo about him? is that why hes getting more attention lol..........

i really hope the vocals win :(

no tygers in the next ep preview? hmmMMMMMmm okay

well also interesting that they put the other 4 perfs with the elims...... seems sketch but at least most of my kids got to go this week ahhhhhh i feel bad for the other groups already. esp the ones with the kids who arent as popular...

#rants

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