Man I've been working on a Thane request for three weeks now, adding to it everyday squeezing in whatever time I could spare for it.
And it's almost ready, just one part left and it's ready to go.
But dude, Idk if I'm ready to part with it yet. Like I know i will be met with disappointment since this fandom is dead, I know the fic won't get any love or recognition, I know barely anyone besides the requester will read it, that's even if the requester still stuck around this long. This blog has been bleeding to death since the day I started it, and I've been aware. It's purely for me to indulge in with my love for this game until I move on again.
I know, I understand.
But I also do not understand.
This fic almost feels like a tribute to Thane, it was cathartic to write. I love it so much but I'm really not ready for the heartbreak of posting it into the void. It's so long with so many different parts and scene changes, it has him bonding with Kolyat and the rest of the crew, it has him speaking his feelings for you and walking you down an aisle. It's too precious to me.
It's easy to let go of a fic that took a couple days to write and watch it sink into the ocean without a fighting chance, bitter but easy to swallow.
But this Thane fic? It's too beautiful to drown immediately. It will hurt immensely to watch sink in failure. I never want to finish it, just to spare it from that cruel fate. I just wish I was here during the fandom prime, I wish people cared more, I wish I cared less.
But I wouldn't be writing if I cared less. I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have written that fic if I cared any less. The fic will be finished, the matter of posting it however will be left for future me to decide.
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i'm so glad goncharov happened when it did, right before prolific public use of AI. that was pure honest gaslighting straight from the heart. real human whimsicality and trickery thru blood sweat and tears. we were a family. and we all gonched, together. you cant replicate that with any machine.
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The devastating difference between how much time it takes to write something vs how fast people read it lol
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They say you die three times, first when the body dies, second, when your body enters the grave, and third, when your name is spoken for the last time. You were a normal person in life, but hundreds of years later, you still haven't had your "third" death. You decide to find out why.
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Some spins on the "mostly male team with a token woman" trope:
The woman is trans and stayed in her old circle of bros even after transition
The woman is the only one in her circle of "girls" who didn't turn out to be a trans man
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the problem with reading and writing leading to a strong vocabulary is that you tend to know the vibe of words instead of their meanings.
if I used this word in a sentence, would it make sense? absolutely. if you asked me what it meant, could I tell you? absolutely not.
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started working on another helldivers piece, gonna try an Illuminate/Reader one for now. Same parody of fascism theme with dark undertones and implications.
the outline is finished. Getting lore info on the Illuminate has been challenging, however.
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“how did you get into writing” girl nobody gets into writing. writing shows up one day at your door and gets into you
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it's always so fascinating and heartbreaking when a character in a story is simultaneously idolized and abused. a chosen prophet destined for martyrdom. a child prodigy forced to grow up too fast. a powerful warrior raised as nothing but a weapon. there's just something so uniquely messed up about singing someone's praises whilst destroying them.
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