animentality
wretched thing, pull yourself together
The blog of a weirdo author and perpetual pissant.
He/They, pansexual 2x critical damage proc, 294 years old.
Call me Kai.
I dual wield sci fi and fantasy, but sci fi is my offhand weapon, with my charisma modifier stacked on top.
Author website for book updates: klsomniate.com.
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Were you a Shrek child?
I was a Shrek child.
I am a Shrek child.
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the ketheric durgetash thing you posted is making me crazy. can i use it in a fic
please do.
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I hope my casual arrogance is off-putting and I hope my continued successes upset you, and I hope my intelligence baffles you into a jealous rage, and I hope my effortless charisma and stunning good looks drive you to a state of envy-induced apoplexy.
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into breeding but only when it's two men or a woman impregnating a man.
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I'm sorry, but it's such a waste, that scene where Ketheric goes to punch Gortash, but Orin stops him with the Bhaal dagger.
Like can you imagine if Ketheric was spiteful enough to say, you know the Dark Urge is still alive?
If he'd dropped that bombshell on him right then and there, to sow some discord between the two people who just tag teamed him?
Like oh, you're best buddies with Orin, huh, how cute, you're just the best of friends, aren't you? Well try and remember: she killed your wife. BUT ALSO, that wife is still alive, and they're mad as fucking hell. And they're fucking coming for me.
and then you.
so pick your fucking side now, Chosen of Bane.
that would've been priceless. it would've been such an interesting scene, setting the two of them against each other and yes, sure, revealing that you knew Gortash and Orin earlier. but so fucking what?
the Chosen of Bhaal reveal is boring anyway and feels plopped in there randomly.
at least hint that Gortash and Orin know you too, and that you're far more important than you even imagined.
and in hindsight, it's cool because it shows you already that these two are not the united front that they originally seemed to be, and their alliance was based on necessity, not genuine desire for partnership.
throwing the dark urge into that conversation would've been so awesome, and hinted at the two of them being like factions you have to choose between.
BUT ALAS.
no one is as smart as me.
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it's lesbophobic and biphobic that Orin and Gortash got less character development and narrative relevance than hetty spaghetti Kethy.
like come on now.
why does the homophobic Republican get more spotlight than the queer icons? hello???
#baldurs gate 3#bg3#enver gortash#im being sarcastic i know bg3 is not biphobic#orin the red#ketheric thorm
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I'm dying because I just saw my friend's LinkedIn bio and it's literally just:
"I enjoy any task assigned to me."
like...
yes.
YOU. You're perfect for the job. Hired.
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it's so fucking stupid how Raphael, a minor antagonist, gets way more grand build up and payoff than Gortash or Orin, who are literally 2 of the 3 major villains.
like seriously?
I love Raphael and the House of Hope, in fact it's my favorite quest in the game.
but it's ridiculous that Gortash and Orin have nothing even close to that level of cool.
Gortash in particular is soooo bad because you just show up at his crib and initiate combat, and Orin you just walk into her house and say it's time to throw down.
Neither of them get the build up or the development that Ketheric did. Nor do you have to do anything special to kill them.
At least you're robbing Raphael.
You have to sneak into his room and fuck his incubus.
Lie to the Archivist.
Then you have to get out of the archives alive with the orphic hammer, fight the spectators and imps.
Then fight the House of Hope with all its exploding debtors.
Then the boss fight with Raphael is challenging and fun and you get the opportunity to get Yurgir on your side.
It's really cinematic and cool, his demon form is sexy, and the music is iconic.
But Gortash and Orin???
shit they might as well be the fucking goblin leaders.
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this is like the peak loser nerd energy but i cant help it. the underworld saga of epic the musical (concept for a musical about the odyssey) comes out this friday, and one of the songs is about odysseus talking to tiresias the prophet, asking for help to get back home to ithaca. and what he tells odysseus sounds like it could have been something durge was told pre-amnesia, and i picture maybe durge visiting a seer or fortune teller or w/e and getting this prophecy and brushing it off but then of course it all happens:
“I see a song of past romance/ I see the sacrifice of man/ I see portrayals of betrayal/ And a brother's final stand
I see you on the brink of death/ I see you draw your final breath/ I see a man who gets to make it home alive
But it's no longer you”
OOF.
ok but that's a vibe in general.
I see a man who gets to make it home alive but it's no longer you.
chills.
could apply to many a doomed romance but damn.
DAMN
perfect lead up.
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Please tell me you went to see JS Bach perform in his lifetime, or at least Handel & Haydn and maybe Mozart (though he wasn’t around too long).
Beethoven too, you’re old enough to have been there when they first performed his ninth!
You have no idea how fortunate you are to have lived so long.
I've spent my 294 years alive jerking off in the safety of my bedroom, anon, immortality has been wasted on me.
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Kids these days don't know what the fuck a liminal space is anymore but they use it to describe fucking EVERYTHING.
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