#[[ fucking stupid actually it is starting to affect my work. i have panic attacks more frequently now and i UFH GOD DAMNIT ]]
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Everything disgusts me and I want to float aimlessly through space. Heavy venting in the tags about trauma?
#text#chez.txt#[[ this is because i saw a roach and i wasnt able to kill it and now i cant sleep ]]#[[ if i see that shit again it's on sight. i'll break something. this stupid apartment is falling apart and they're raising the rent to 880#[[ and I have to get insurance within in the next 8 months so i can keep taking the medicine i need to survive ]]#[[ why does medicine that keeps your vital organs functioning cost 300 dollars without insurance ]]#[[ i know it's not a lot compared to insulin but for me it's a lot. ]]#[[ i'm so very stressed and i would really like to see a therapist. if i can save up the money for a few sessions there's a#[[ trauma specialist psychiatrist in a city over from me and i'd like to see her ]]#[[ the stupid Show KinnPorsche triggered me and talking to my cousin triggered me and now I'm spiraling i had stopped thinking about it ]]#[[ and now it's all day eberyday and my sibling was like hey you cant force your brain to not think about it ]]#[[ because youll go all day and be like wow i didnt even think about it and your brain is like oh you mean this? ]]#[[ fucking stupid actually it is starting to affect my work. i have panic attacks more frequently now and i UFH GOD DAMNIT ]]
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SERRENNEDY POKEMON CROSSOVER AU FOR SERRENNEDY WEEK!!
As you can see above, this is very angsty. Leon and Luis both have a lot of trauma and Baggage. Luis almost has a panic attack and does some trauma dumping.
While there's no explicit smut on screen, there's a moment that gets kinda steamy and a fade to black/implied sex scene.
(oh and personally I feel very awkward swapping things out with pokemon terminology, like using "Arceus" instead of "God" so there is normal swearing here)
“Dr. Serra Navarro?”
“Well, yes, that is me, but typically I prefer Professor Serra,” His eyes wander all over Leon. “Though for someone as pretty as you, I prefer just Luis. Is there something I can help you with?”
Leon was afraid that he was going to go all the way to Alola only to find out it was all a complete waste because Professor Serra actually was just a professor unfortunate enough to share a name with a Team Rocket scientist. But that outcome is already ruled out. Either this guy is the lead he's been seeking for years, or he's an innocent professor that Leon will ask out on a date.
Due to excitement over finally finding a new lead, this trip was hastily put together, and Leon didn't realize how young Dr. Serr– Luis was. Once he confirmed that Luis was from Johto, he didn't go any deeper. He did see a couple pictures, but didn't pay much attention, and assumed the youthfulness was because they were older pictures. His assumption was very wrong. Luis is about his age and way too good-looking. The length of his grayish pink hair is braided, and the loose bangs are fluffy. His tinted glasses are a little too big for his face, but in a cute way. He's taller than Leon. And his outfit is fucking stupid. Shirtless under a lab coat. So stupid. It's hot.
A date with him will make this trip more than worth it.
“I just have some questions for you.”
“About? Are you a parent, or..? I don't think I've seen you around before, but I don't usually get anyone else dropping in on me like this…”
Shit. Leon really should have thought of a cover story beforehand. But in addition to not thoroughly researching Luis enough, he was also too high on the excitement of finally finding something after years of searching to bother thinking through what he'd say.
“Just heard about you, found your past interesting. From Johto originally, was wondering how it affected you. If you had any run-ins with Team Rocket.”
And it looks like Leon will not be going on a date with a handsome professor tonight. This is the guy. He recovers quickly, but for a split second, the phrase ‘Team Rocket’ invokes some panic in his expression.
“No. I was fortunate enough to never have encountered them.”
“You know anything about Mew?”
“Yes, of course? What kind of a professor would I be if I didn't? Mythical pokemon from deep in jungles in South America. Believed to be the ancestor of all pokemon.”
“What about Mewtwo?”
“I've heard the rumors, yes. A clone of Mew that was heavily genetically modified. But I believe that those are just that, rumors. There is no real substance to the claims.”
“Cinnabar Island. That's where you worked when Team Rocket captured and imprisoned Mew. You cruelly experimented on Mew. You helped create Mewtwo.”
“Who in the hell do you think you are, showing up at my doorstep to accuse me of such insane things?!”
“International Police!” Luis starts to shut the door, but Leon blocks the door with his foot. While he wasn't wearing his full uniform, he did bring his badge and takes it out to flash to Luis. He sees some purple fur coming up behind Luis. Must be an espeon, coming to protect its trainer. “Put that in its pokeball and open the door. Now.”
“I will do no such thing! I'm not proud of what I did back then, but I've done my best to leave it all behind, build a new life for myself. I will not allow you, or anyone else, to rip all of that away from me.”
“Not proud of what you did back then? So you admit it?”
“It doesn't matter. Arrest me if you really want, but it won't be anything more than a waste of time for the both of us. I'll maybe spend a night or two in jail, then be let go without charges being filed because I have a good reputation here and you have no evidence. If you try to tell anyone I confessed to involvement with Team Rocket, they won't believe you. You'll ruin your own reputation.”
“I do have evidence! Documents connecting you to the Mew experiments and the creation of Mewtwo.”
Luis actually starts laughing.
“You don't know as much as you think you do then. You find my name on a scrap of paper in the crumbling ruins of a lab, and think you know my life story! So arrogant! Yes, I did work at the Cinnabar lab, but I did not contribute to the creation of Mewtwo. I did not experiment on Mew. I have never had the privilege to even see the legendary Mew in the flesh. Mewtwo had already been created and Mew had already escaped before I was even hired. I can prove that your supposed timeline of my work history is impossible in court, so good luck getting a conviction!”
Leon moves his foot and lets Luis shut the door, and slinks away from his house with his tail between his legs.
…
Leon checks into a motel. He turns the TV on, but he can't focus on it. His mind can't stop wandering back to the conversation, analyzing every word. He fucked up.
“I'm not proud of what I did back then.”
He really fucked up. That could have been a very good angle. Tell Luis that this is his chance to atone and right his wrongs by telling Leon everything he knows about Team Rocket. Maybe even offer some kind of immunity deal if he still seemed hesitant.
But he had to get hot headed and fuck it all up. His first lead in years, and he blew it.
Not ready to admit defeat quite yet, he decides to give himself a day to cool his head off, before trying again. At least Alola offers plenty of distractions. He's not one for most of the tourist trap shit, but distracts himself with hikes through some scenic, and more importantly, rugged terrains. Pushing his body always helps him get his mind together. It's isolated enough that he can let all of his pokemon out too.
Something else Alola offers is a brutal sun. Leon didn't think to buy any sunscreen, and has a bad burn across his face by the end of the day. He's been through far worse, the pain is nothing to him, but he is annoyed at himself for being so stupid. His pokemon were quite happy with the exercise and exploration though, and his head feels clearer, so overall it was a pretty successful day.
…
A knock at Luis's door again. Rattled by yesterday, the knocking gives him a spike of anxiety. Still, he gets up to answer it, in case it's a student or parent that needs something.
He looks through the peephole and sees the same pretty International Police agent that came by yesterday. Luis really doesn't want to open the door. But he's worried it'll be worse if he doesn't and the man busts the door down. Besides, Espeon seems at ease with the situation, not alarmed and protective like she was yesterday. So he opens the door a bit, keeping the chain lock secure in case he tries to get in. (He would certainly be able to break the chain, but at least it would buy Luis a few extra seconds to try to think of a desperate plan.)
“Hello, officer! What are you here to threaten me with today?” Not wanting the agent to know how shaken he is, he turns up the sarcasm in an attempt to mask any nervousness. “Going to accuse me of experimenting on Arceus?
“No. No accusations today. Sorry, about yesterday. Wasn't polite to you. Can I try to make up for it, buy you dinner?”
“You can't seriously believe I'm going to just walk right into whatever kind of trap this is?”
“It's not a trap. Just feel bad about yesterday, I swear. I'm Leon, by the way. Think I forgot to mention it before.”
Luis goes to shut the door, but Espeon seems determined that Leon should be heard out, and telekinetically lifts the chain and nudges the door open. Leon smiles, and it cuts right through Luis's fear.
“I don't like you, and I don't trust you. But…” The prettiest man that Luis has ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on is trying to buy him dinner. (The angry red sunburn on his face does make him the tiniest bit less pretty, but he's still incredibly pretty.) Whether it's a date or something else, turning him down goes against everything Luis believes in. “I suppose I'm willing to put that aside for a free meal.”
“Look, you have every right to feel that way. But I really regret yesterday, I swear. It's just this subject… My parents were Team Rocket. Died on a mission,” Leon hates talking about this. With anyone. Back in his pokemon trainer days, before deciding to join the International Police, he'd had some time in the limelight. First as a rising star gym challenger, then as a champion. He always sidestepped questions when interviewers started asking about family. He especially hates talking about it to a member of Team Rocket. But this is the price he pays for fucking up yesterday. If he wants Luis to trust him and give him what he came for, he needs to give something himself. “Never knew details until I started investigating some stuff related to Team Rocket, found out they died on one of the expeditions looking for Mew. So this whole topic just gets me hot headed and dumb and I say things I don't mean and regret.”
“Well, it sounds like you shouldn't be an International Police agent then, if you can't separate your own personal issues from the job.”
“Yeah, maybe I shouldn't be…” Leon says, because what else is there to say? Luis isn't wrong. “C'mon, dinner. Walked past a restaurant on the way here, you know if it's any good?”
“Yes, we can eat there. By the way, are you aware that your face is extremely sunburned? I have stuff I could put on to help it.”
“Food first. Maybe after.”
“Suit yourself. I'm going to change, I'll be out in a minute.”
Luis ditches the lab coat and comes out with a top on, something that disappoints Leon more than it should. At least it's just a vest that shows off a decent amount of his chest. His hair is down today, and it somehow makes him look even better.
Leon regretted the way he approached Luis yesterday, but initially it wasn't because of guilt. Even if it wasn't Mewtwo, there was something Luis was involved in. He only denied experimenting on Mew and creating Mewtwo, he admitted he was a member of Team Rocket. Luis deserved the harsh treatment, he had only regretted it because Luis could be useful to him. But he does feel a small twinge of guilt for demanding he put his espeon in its pokeball when it follows Luis out the door and he sees that it has a service pokemon vest on. Maybe Luis would have felt safe and opened the door if he could keep Espeon out.
“I can walk there fine,” Luis says, noticing Leon looking at the harness. “I have an injury from a long time ago that flares up from time to time, but Espeon can sense when I'm going to have problems with it, gives me warning, and helps me not fall on my face when it does act up and I struggle keeping my balance. But it is fine most days.”
They sit across from each other, Espeon laying under the table by Luis's feet. Leon has to keep reminding himself that this is not a date. This is an attempt to get Luis to move past yesterday's harsh treatment so Leon can have a second chance at interrogating him. Despite his attempts to not ogle Luis, Leon can't help himself, and notices something very interesting. Scars. The biggest one is on his chest, and another on his cheek.
Being in a public place seems to put Luis at ease. Somewhat, he's at least smiling and looking more relaxed. As it probably should. Leon is dying to grill Luis about the “injury from a long time ago” and the scars he's noticed since sitting down. But this isn't the time or place.
“So… Small talk time?” God. This is actually a fucking date. “How long you been a cop? And why are you still poking around with Team Rocket? They're not a problem anymore. Disbanded twice, no activity in years. One would think the International Police might have some, ah, you know, actual problems to deal with, eh?”
“Been one for a few years. There's not a lot of resources being used up for it anymore, but it still matters to me personally,” There's actually no resources spent on it. Leon isn't here on official International Police business. The Team Rocket hunt is just vigilante shit Leon does on his own time. “Just because they've stopped doesn't mean they shouldn't be brought to justice for the past. Their leader slipped away, it just doesn't sit right with me. I'm trying to nail as many members who slipped away as possible,” Luis's smile disappears. “As far as justice goes, I'm mostly concerned about the big fish. Leader, executives. Finding small fish is just a good way to get leads on the big ones.”
“So if I understand, you help the small fish, they help you? They tell you everything they know about the big fish, and in exchange you don't come down hard on them?” Leon smiles and nods. It'll probably take longer than it should have because he'll need to build some trust after freaking the fuck out their first conversation, but Luis will play the game and give him what he came for. Luis's smile comes back. “Well, interesting… How have your investigations been going?”
“I've made some good leads,” That's a complete lie. Finding Luis's name in the ruins of Cinnabar Island is literally the only lead he's had in years. But telling Luis that will make him feel empowered. “William's out there somewhere, just a matter of time until I find him. Or until he gets tired of licking his wounds in secret and re-emerges on his own, something I'm hoping to at least make harder for him by picking off people he'll need to organize.”
…
“Do you want to come in?” Is Luis trying to have sex with him right now? They did just go on a date, after all. Why doesn't Leon want to say no? “So I can help you with your sunburn.”
Shit. Leon needs to get his mind out of the gutter.
Leon sits on Luis's couch, and Luis drags a stool over by the couch to sit on while he gently rubs ointment across his face with his (gloved) hands. Their faces are so close together. Leon has to stop looking at his face, because he wants to lean forward and kiss Luis. So he looks down. At Luis's neck. A fatal mistake. Before his brain can even process what his body's doing, he's pulling Luis forward, off the stool and onto Leon's knee. His teeth are sinking into Luis's neck.
As soon as he realizes what he's done, he hopes that Luis is going to ask him what the hell he's doing and get up off of him, because he's not sure he'll be able to control himself if Luis is into this too.
Of course Leon isn't that lucky. Luis moans at the first bite. He moans again and grinds down on Leon's knee with the second bite. The third bite has him yanking off the ointment covered rubber gloves and just tossing them on the floor, so he can start exploring Leon's body with his hands.
“I wish I could make some quip about buying me dinner first, but you quite literally did just buy me dinner, so… And really, I would be happy with this even if you hadn't,” Leon just keeps biting as Luis rambles. Now there's a hand in his hair, that clenches around or tugs at it with every bite. There's another hand working the button on his vest, and Leon is quite impressed by his finesse. With one hand and without even looking, Luis quickly has all of them unbuttoned. Though it doesn't get him to the bareskin he's desperately trying to get to, Leon also has a button down undershirt on. Luis doesn't bother unbuttoning all of them, just a couple so he can reach the bareskin of Leon's chest. “Someone as pretty as you doesn't need to buy me dinner, they can just do whatever they'd like to me. You're a cop, you have handcuffs? I'm into that.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Leon pushes him off his lap and gets up, then picks Luis up bridal style. Partially because he wants to give Luis a subtle reminder that he isn't just some small-time cop. He is, in fact, a very well trained special agent in peak physical condition. But mostly because there's a very specific place he wants to carry Luis to. He wasn't lying about someone like Leon being able to do whatever; he readily accepts being picked up, wrapping his arms around Leon's neck. “Where's your bedroom?”
…
“I didn't know I was working for Team Rocket initially. They had things very well compartmentalized. I was hired by a shell company. They had a contract with Devon Corp, so it really seemed like a completely legitimate company.”
In the afterglow, Luis finally starts speaking about his past. Leon briefly wonders if this makes him a whore. He isn't getting money for having sex with Luis, but he is getting information. Something even more valuable to him. The entire reason he's here.
But intent matters, right? Leon didn't start biting his neck because he wanted information. He didn't suck his dick because he wanted information. He didn't put him in handcuffs and sit on his face because he wanted information. He did all of it just because he wanted to. Just because Luis is hot enough that Leon temporarily forgot that he hated him. He was fully prepared to just go back to his motel room after, without any additional info from Luis, and just keep building the trust. So while he's not a whore, he definitely is a slut. Whatever. He's making more progress in his investigation than he has in years, it's fine.
“I was in a research team focused on mega evolution, specifically artificial mega evolution,” Luis continues. “Devon had recently perfected an artificial pokemon line, Beldum. They wanted us to find a way to make Metagross mega evolve. It was no easy task… But we did it. We tinkered around, created an artificial mega stone that metagross would respond to. We researched further, tweaking things to modify metagross's mega form, until we felt it was powerful enough. I was informed that Devon was extremely pleased with the work, and given a promotion, to be the head researcher on a new project my company started…”
“Guessing that's when you started at the Cinnabar lab?”
Luis says nothing, just stares down blankly, frozen. Leon reaches for a pokeball on the nightstand, and lets his sylveon out. It knows exactly what to do, approaching Luis to wrap its ribbon feelers around his arm. Leon hadn't ever wanted a sylveon. He had wanted his eevee to evolve into an espeon, actually. He thought the psychic abilities would be useful in his line of work. But it evolving into a sylveon instead has been a happy accident. Its calming abilities can be surprisingly useful.
“Yes, it was,” Luis answers. He's still wincing at the memories, but Sylveon's soothing aura is preventing him from having a full-blown panic attack and shutting down. “All I was told beforehand was that it was another project related to artificial mega stones. This was when the Alola research about mega evolution being cruel on the pokemon was starting to come out, so in my naivete I assumed we'd be modifying natural mega stones in ways that would make it easier on the pokemon. I knew something was deeply wrong when I was led downstairs. Armed guards. There was a whole maze of hallways and locked gates. As I said yesterday, Mewtwo was already created by this point. It had also escaped once and only narrowly recaptured, so there was much stronger security. I was never alone, there were always at least two armed guards with me at all times. It wasn't just to keep Mewtwo from getting out, it was also to keep me in. I knew it was wrong, it made my stomach churn, but I did the work. I did what was asked of me. We made two artificial mega stones tailored to Mewtwo. Two different stones, two different forms with different strengths.”
Despite Sylveon's feelers, and now Espeon's face rubbing against his other arm, Luis breaks down sobbing.
“You're okay. You're safe,” Leon whispers. Sylveon moves away from Luis's lap, laying down at the end of the bed, so that Leon can wrap his arms around him. As helpful as soothing pokemon like Sylveon can be, sometimes people just need human touch. Leon wants to press for more information right away, but he's not going to repeat yesterday's mistake. He has to go slow, he can't risk pushing Luis away and making him shut down before he's gotten all the information he can out of him. “You don't have to tell me the rest right now. Take all the time you need, okay, sweetheart?”
Jesus Christ. He just had sex with a member of Team Rocket, and now he's calling him sweetheart. At least he's making progress.
Luis just clings to Leon and sobs for a few minutes, before finally speaking again.
“I didn't want to, Leon. I didn't want to. I didn't have a choice. They were forcing me to, they would hurt me if I didn't, and I couldn't get help. Not from gym leaders. Everyone knows that William was the Viridian gym leader, but it went so much deeper than anyone knew. The lab was right by the Cinnabar gym, Wesker was the gym leader and heavily involved in all of the Team Rocket science research. Alexia, Saffron's leader at the time, was quite involved too and came to the lab regularly. The ones who weren't involved were getting paid off to look the other way. The police were paid off too,” Leon entwines one of his hands with Luis's and squeezes it, presses chaste kisses onto his neck, trying to encourage him to keep talking. This is a goldmine. He's long suspected there was a lot of corruption in Kanto and some intentional incompetence during the initial Team Rocket investigations, but could never get anything solid. And the fact that there were other gym leaders directly involved is actually news to him. “It was so screwed up what we were doing, I lost sleep over it, I barely ate because I had no appetite. Until one day…”
A loud, choked sob.
“Mewtwo got out again. All the new precautions weren't enough. It attacked all of us, we deserved it… It was a lab, there were scalpels, lots of glass to break, so many sharp objects that it lifted with its mind to hurl at us. That's how I got all my scars. The worst wound was in my back. It almost killed me, if it had pushed the bone saw in even just a little bit deeper, I would have died. I only survived because… It wasn't luck, it didn't make a mistake, it chose not to wound me fatally, because… Because I think it got in my head, it didn't say anything but it made eye contact with me, and saw that I wasn't a willing participant in its torture. The room after, blood… So much… I was the only one spared, it killed all the others.”
Luis untangles himself from Leon and lays down, closing his eyes. Seems like that's all the information he's getting tonight. Which he isn't upset about, it's a lot, far more than he was expecting. He'd like to know more about Mewtwo, where it ended up after this, and of course he needs more details about Wesker and Alexia.
“Stay?” Luis asks quietly, when Leon starts getting dressed. “Please?”
“Yeah,” Leon does still reach for his pants, but doesn't put them on, just fishes out his notepad so he can write everything down while it's still fresh. “Okay, I'll stay.”
It's dangerous. Leon is so close to liking this guy. Something he needs to not do, because Luis very much has the potential to be dangerous. The main reason Leon had been so hot headed and harsh to him initially is because he thought he got away with everything. He thought that Luis was a monster, and, instead of paying for his crimes, just walked away completely unscathed. Just moved to a new region, was completely accepted, became a pokemon professor, a pillar of the community. A role model.
But that's been shattered. While it may not have been in the traditional route, Luis has paid for his crimes. Is paying for them. Leon is cynical enough that he might have believed everything was just bullshit to manipulate him under other circumstances, but there's enough that it's undeniable. There's more than just faded scars that could have been the result of anything, he has an actual service pokemon. Years later, his injuries are still problematic enough for him to need that assistance. And clearly, he is genuinely traumatized. No one is that good at acting, Team Rocket is truly a trigger for him.
The issue is that Leon doesn't know why it's a trigger. Even injured and traumatized, Luis could be dangerous. The best case scenario is that he's been completely with Leon, and truly hates what he did. The worst case scenario is that he doesn't feel any guilt for his actions, and his near death experience was the only source of the trauma, without any emotional side to it.. Even injured and traumatized, Luis has the potential to be very dangerous.
“Hey, Luis?” Leon whispers after he's done jotting down notes about what Luis said, hoping he's not already asleep. His eyes flutter open. “Is it fine if I let my growlithe out? Usually sleep with it.”
“Go ahead. Just don't leave me. I don't want to wake up alone.”
He should leave. Luis is dangerous. Luis is Team Rocket. And Leon might already be a little bit in love with him, and needs to get the fuck away from him before he falls in even deeper.
But he doesn't. Instead he lets Growlithe out, turns off the lamp on the nightstand, and spoons Luis. He falls asleep with his arms wrapped around him, face buried in his fluffy hair. Espeon sleeps on the floor in its own little bed, while Growlithe and Sylveon lay down by their feet.
#serennedy week 2024#serennedy#serrennedy#luis serra#leon kennedy#luis sera navarro#leon s kennedy#resident evil fanfiction#resident evil 4#re4 remake#re4make#re4
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I can't believe I'm about to do this. I mean don't get too excited, it's not interesting, I'm just forced to talk about it because that's the only power I have in this stupid situation.
A couple weeks ago I was prescribed this new asthma medication, even though my problem is almost definitely from muscular-skeletal pressure but nobody can figure that out yet, so for now I just have this inhaler so I'm not constantly suffocating. The first time I took it at the recommended dosage I had a bad panic attack that took me out for an entire day. I reduced the dosage so I didn't feel dangerously insane anymore, but it still causes my fucking rosacea to go completely out of control, which is not really something I can just ignore; it drives me crazy that insurance companies just treat rosacea like it's some fancy cosmetic issue, as if it doesn't affect your entire life when your skin is visibly deteriorating at an escalating rate, but that's another story... So anyway I have a giant bag of medications that either didn't work at all or actively harmed me (my typical experience with everything) that I haven't disposed of yet, so I dug around in there for a tube of Rhofade that like I don't even know how I got it because it's the premiere celebrity-endorsed thing and it's psychotically expensive, but anyway I decided to give it another shot because I'm desperate. First couple days it worked great. I thought all my problems were solved, except that I'd have to find a way to keep paying for it. Then it seemed not so great for a couple days. Then things started to get pretty rocky. I wondered if it had to do with not being careful enough in the sun or what, but I started to worry about the medication, so I did something that will sound insane, but oh well.
Months ago I complained to my GP that I was having a hard time finding a "real dermatologist" in the city, as opposed to a salesperson for predatory beauty treatments. I've been treated pretty badly by a variety of dermos over 15 years, I often had the feeling that I was neglected because I had a medical concern as opposed to like an expensive anti-aging concern or something. Sometimes a dermo advertises themselves as a medical professional, but when you get there you realize they're a glorified beautician and you're fucked. I went to a well-reviewed practice that's now called The Dermatology Specialists several times, and every time there was a mad rush to get rid of me. The actual head of the clinic saw me a couple times, and both times he came running at me with a needle without telling me what he was doing, to try to lance a mole that I wasn't there to discuss. One of these was right over my eye and you can imagine how scary this was. I eventually realized I didn't have to take that shit and swore him off. Years later when I decided to look for a dermo in my new neighborhood, I made an appointment at a "new" place that I realized too late was the same guy; he had rebranded and expanded his thing into a giant chain that's all over the city, like half or more of the dermos in my searches are attached to his practice and it's not always obvious until the appointment is made. Fuck. I thought, maybe things will be different at this location, I'm seeing a new person and I'm the only one in the waiting room, seems pretty chill. I actually had to get a mole removed that time. I sat down with the new doctor who frantically explained what she was going to do to me before saying "OK BYE!!!" and racing out the door, which she had almost closed all the way behind her before she remembered that she still had to actually do the procedure. I couldn't believe I'd fallen for this clinic's bullshit yet again!
So that's when I talked to my GP and she wrote me a referral for what I took to be a real doctor. His office was clean, simple, and unpretentious. When I got there, an exiting patient was thanking the doctor profusely for something, like from the depths of his soul. We sat down together and he calmly denounced all the lasers and other expensive snake oil that had been upsold to me over the years. He told me to scale back to just a basic Aveeno face wash and moisturizer, and I was so relieved that he wasn't some greedy hipster asshole...however. He also told me that the active ingredient in Afrin, an OTC decongestant nasal spray, has the same effects as the top of the line rosacea medication Rhofade, and many of his patients have success just applying it to their skin. I was so impressed that he wasn't trying to sell me anything, and that he was empowering me to just take care of my own shit at home, that I believed him.
So flashing forward to the past week: I use this new inhaler that I need if I want to breathe, my face blows up like a bomb, I try Rhofade and it seems to make things worse...and then I buy some Afrin and put it on. It pretty much burned my face off my skull. My skin was purple and my face completely changed shape for more than 24 hours. I thought, at least I have this cold pack that's made for faces, for swelling from dental surgery and shit (it was recommended to me by my TMJ specialist who is also fucking with me right now but that's another story). I applied it, and it made everything a thousand times worse than it had ever been. I had to cancel all my plans. I took Tylenol, antihistamines, drank tons of water, whatever I thought would help. A colloidal oatmeal-based moisturizer kind of did something for me, but not remotely enough. It's a couple days later, now, and I'm still not completely over it, and I'm having random intense and painful flareups. I've never had exactly this problem before. And by the way "just using a moisturizer" has not helped anything at all this entire time, even though it's the advice I always get (sometimes VERY rudely) no matter what I say. Dry skin is not my problem, someone could tell just from touching it. Just being mindful of the sun and trigger foods and shit is not the answer. I know there's something else going on and like nobody cares to find out.
So anyway I'm having a followup appointment with my GP to explain all this...and in the meantime I'm going back to the fucking snake oil clinic. I just absolutely need something for right now, I don't know if it will be an antibiotic or what. I've spent years looking for a real medical dermatologist and I know I'm not going to just find one overnight, so I'm subjecting myself to more humiliation at the most convenient place, and I'll deserve whatever I get I guess. At least my appointment is with a guy I haven't seen before. Cross your fingers for me that he doesn't give me something else that just melts my face off of my face.
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Back again.
Another night staying up way too late crying because am I’m trying to fall asleep my brain starts dredging up shit. I was done literally less than an hour ago, but now? Crying again and I know I won’t stop for a while unless I actively distract myself, so might as well type here.
I guess I’ll start with the big one. I was not accepted into grad school. Again. For the *third fucking year in a row*. When I first got the news I was sad, sure, but more than that I was just pissed. I tried *so fucking hard* because *no one* was helping me. I don’t know what people want, what they expect, and I’m just flailing around in the dark.
Yeah, I know the first year was my bad. In my defense, I had not clue what I was doing. I spent wayyyyy too long studying for the stupid fuckjng GRE (why the shit do they have math that I haven’t seen since 7th grade????) and not near enough time on the statement of purpose, cv, or resume. But also in my defense, I didn’t know what schools I was trying to apply for because I was *literally* told certain ones I was not allowed to go to (which I bet my dad conveniently forgot he did) and then the ones I found I was told sucked ass. By the time I was told this (because of course no one fucking told me on their own, I had to fuck up first) it was too late to apply for any of the good ones. Yes, I was someone picky, but god forbid the tiny short ass 100 pound soaking wet sheltered kid not want to go across country **by herself** with *no drivers license or car* and no experience living in an apartment. So I applied to where I could and crossed my fingers.
Obviously, that didn’t work out. Year two, I tried to go for one school only, that way I could tailor my letter better. I thought I did good, but the panic attacks I got any time o tried to work on it made it take too long, and one of my profs didn’t get their letter of recommendation in on time, this I was auto denied. Which sucks, but I understood why.
So try again! Except, the time when I could have been connecting with profs, and writing, I had to spend relearning how to drive and then actually taking the damn test. Fuck, I hated that entire experience. I was constantly anxious and panicked, crying myself to sleep most nights and struggling to hold it together in front of my parents, who were acting like it was the easiest thing in the world to do and didn’t understand why I was struggling. I had to redo everything because wow! Paperwork can expire! And when I last did all of this *two fucking years earlier* they didn’t help me, and left me to flounder. I don’t know why they thought I could magically learn how to drive a car without *being in one* but I guess it didn’t matter that much to them until it was an inconvenience and actually affected them.
Anyways, this year I don’t know why I didn’t get it. I can only guess. Was it because I only had one bio prof, and the other two were other branches? (Earlier prof who got in late decided she just… didn’t want to, and made it my problem because she also took almost a month to answer me, requiring me to find a prof that was willing to write on an incredibly short notice.) Was it because it was turned in close to the deadline? If so, why have the deadline there??? It makes no sense. And I hate that it is during winter break, because if something goes wrong you have to work your ass off to get anyone to answer you about stuff. I also couldn’t show that I was upset, or worried, because that might have made my lil sister upsetti about going back for another semester 🙃
Every single. Fucking. Time I have any problems, someone else has it worse so I have to bite my tongue to not make it worse *for them*. Especially the bean. Jesus I hate that I’m here essentially as an emotional support sister, because my parents were tired of her losing her shit at the smallest things.
And yet!!! She has her life together!! Holy fuck! She’s got a car that she likes that she is confortable driving, a boyfriend who is willing to come see her at the drop of a hat, friends who she regularly sees and hangs out with and are willing to take her places, gaming consoles that are just hers, and a place to stay that is away from parents and where she feels she can be herself. She’s got a job and an internship *paid*, like **well paid** coming up that will likely lead her to other jobs, profs that like her and have said they are willing to write her recommendations, and it’s all been handed to her on a fucking platter.
I was not allowed to learn how to drive until now, much less have a car. No significant other to see or hang with. Friends are far away and don’t bother initiating contact (I have a whole rant saved for later about that). I’ve literally never had my own console to play on, they have all been shared and eventually taken away by my siblings, much less the tv and projector she has. I feel trapped here, and watched. I was literally not allowed to have a job and now can’t do anything because the walkable things are for students only and *I don’t have a fucking car*. One of my profs straight up said she doesn’t want to bother writing for me anymore because I’m not worth it. Basically any opportunity in college was squashed thanks to COVID and me not taking a year off when I should have. And now all opportunities are limited to students so I can’t even get any more experience to try and because a student to actually move on in life. And I just??? What the fuck am I supposed to do??? All I can do is cry.
I haven’t told my dad yet, I have no idea how he will take it. He will probably get mad.
My mum actually had the gall to ask me if I actually want to get a masters. I told her yes, but in reality?? How the fuck should I know??? I was never allowed to have a damn opinion about things involving my life, why start now?? She was the one who decided my life path, hell she tried to decide that for all my siblings, and I was the only one who didn’t say no. So, no, I don’t know if I actually want this, I don’t know what I want to do at all, this is her dream. Be been so damn depressed for so long, all I want is to have a stable life.
All I want is somewhere to live with people I choose, who I don’t feel obligated to take care of, a stable job that pays decently so I can occasionally get things I like, and isn’t soul crushing, a car that gets me places safely, and the ability to breathe without being constantly stressed out.
Is that really so much to ask???
I’ll do the friend rant later, but I’m. Too tired. It took over an hour to write this and it’s just ramble at this point.
Fuck
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July 3, 2022 || SUN [07:23 am]
So I never got around to writing about this until now. I got fired the week after Mac's wedding. It came as a big ass shock to me because from the beginning of that week, our manager was praising me and even the Vice President complimented my work. But I'm mostly over it at this point. I vented about it to Mia when we drank gin i think last Saturday or was it two weeks ago? I can't remember very well when it happened. Other than that I attempted to work for a different company the very week after I got fired that paid more. But the work required took too much from me mentally and emotionally. It was energetically draining. I really am not meant for work that requires talking 99%. So I quit after first day of training. I've been trying for other companies since. But no luck so far. I did have an interview last night though, for a discord moderator position. I feel like it went well for the most part. I hope I do get that job. If not I'll force myself to start that business that I've been planning for years. I'm trying to meditate but whenever I feel like I'm mentally ready to do so, I'm too sleepy and I just end up sleeping. But right now, after I finish this entry I intend to meditate, since I'm not very tired. The reason I'm mentioning meditation is because I feel and know that I really need it and it'll really help me kind of unravel what exactly is holding me back. I feel like I only have a vague idea of what it is that's keeping me bound. So I want to dive deeper and figure things out. Brother and I had a talk about panic attacks and hearing voices when we aren't hyper fixated or preoccupied by something. There are a lot of similarities with what we feel and experience, and we both came to the conclusion that we might actually have ADD/ADHD. Which I think we obviously do have. It's also pretty evident with dad and geen and gourdo and mom. So like, I guess it's a genetic thing. Also Brother was saying that we might be experiencing these kinds of things due to PTSD. I haven't mentioned psychosis to him. But then again I feel like it's too complex for me to even try and hypothesize.
I met a really nice guy (I think) on bumble. He started really strong and asking me out so many times and giving me ideas on where we could go out to eat but then he just stopped talking to me. It's been two weeks since he last messaged me today. I feel like I may have said or did something weird? I don't know. My optimist side is ofc telling me that he's just busy. But then again come on, I'm not that stupid anymore. This probably ain't it just yet. But maybe, hopefully, I'm getting close. I'm getting sick of talking to so many guys and imagining futures with them. That's actually one of the main things I feel like I need to debunk. I feel like it affects my life severely and in a negative way. I need to find something else that would keep me from spacing out and hearing voices that would keep me preoccupied like painting or doodling or something. I feel like I should keep a list of things to do when I start getting lost in my head. I'm gonna do that right now before I meditate.
Other than that, apparently Cai and Mac are having a baby girl and she's due this august 6th. I and so very happy for them. Gel and I have seen each other 3 times since the wedding (including that weekend). Ryan and Chuck got covid recently but I think that they're getting better now. I've been recording some songs, too. Right now I just feel like I don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks of me. Not even the people that I have a little crush on. I just feel like I shouldn't act in any way. If my natural self scares or creeps or freaks people out then fuck them, I'm not changing anything about myself other than my toxic traits, or anything that needs growth. But my quirks? Fuck no. The world just has to fucking deal with it.
**note: something of significance might happen this July 27th. **
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Jealousy. (3/3)
𝑨𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓'𝒔 𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒆 | I WORKED SO HARD ON THIS AND I RLLY LOVED HOW THE ENDING WENT BUT IF U WANT ME TO WRITE A LITTLE EXTRA OF WHAT HAPPENS AFTERWARDS JUST SPAM MY INBOX K THX ENJOY!!!!
𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 | Teen! Gojo x Gender Neutral Reader
𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 | 2286
𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 | Cursing. ALL CHARACTERS HERE ARE AGED DOWN FROM PRESENT ANIME/MANGA INTO WHEN THEY WERE TEENAGERS.
𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 | Your plan with Geto finally unfolds, and Geto thinks with the information he has gathered, that it’s a perfect time for you to confess to Gojo. Shoko answers your suspicions about her and Gojo before Geto crashes the scene, telling you last second that he had set you up with Gojo for a confession, you had almost no time to prepare. Before you could even hold a proper scolding, Gojo arrives, it’s time to confess.
“Okay, here’s the plan.”
Geto slapped his hand onto the table, handing you a fizzy drink. You watched the bubbles rapidly float upwards. Inside, there’s various fruits, strawberries, kiwis, some lemons for added fanciness.
“(Y/N), the drink is not what we’re focusing on.” he snaps his fingers, you glance up, he’s shaking his head and smiling.
“Sorry, uh, I’m not good with serious conversations.” you twiddle with your thumbs, studying the table. Your fingers itch for your something to fidget with, the whole reason why you two met up was awkward anyways.
You had conspired with Geto to make Gojo jealous. Having already tried being subtle, you had eyed him across the room, flirted with him, and he still hadn’t realized. You had bought him free stuff whenever you went to the store, and once again, he never really realized. Geto did, though. He always raised his eyebrows when you handed Gojo a bag of kikufuku from his favorite shop, or if you got him a stupid cheap trinket from the night markets.
The point being, you were much more affection with Gojo then anyone else.
Even when you tried to conceal this jealousy, the cracking point was when you had found out that Gojo had gone out with Geto the night before and had sex with a few random girls.
You had chewed Geto and Gojo both out, while Gojo was yawning and tousling his hair, boredom evident in his face, Geto examined every single little thing about your body language. How your face seemed to drop a little more when you talked about Gojo, and how you seemed so self conscious when you talked about the girls that he had had fun with.
He had approached you, with no time for small talk. His arms crossed, he blew a strand of hair away from his face, looking at you. He had oh so casually asked you if you had a thing for Satoru, and here you were now. Just short of having a heart attack from sheer panic.
“Hey. Don’t be scared.” placing one of his hands on your shoulder, he smiles. “I know Gojo, did I ever tell you how we compared dick sizes once? Wild, I’ve also had a few foursomes-”
You retch, and Geto snickers.
“Moving on, that guy gets jealous EASILY. He’s also as dumb as a rock, probably can’t define the word love.” he looks down, the easygoing expression on his face wiped off, replaced with a rather saddened one, “but I guess he hasn’t experienced the feeling a lot.”
He looks back up at you, brushing his bangs behind his ear. “This brings me to Operation: Make Gojo Jealous Because That’s The Only Way I Know How To Get Him To Realize If He Likes You or Not!”
He leans over the table, looking left and right before leaning into your ear. “What do we say if Gojo doesn’t like you back?”
Your stomach twists as the words, “Gojo doesn’t like you back.” echoed in your mind, you sigh.
“That’s okay Gojo, and whatever your opinion is, I will respect.”
“Perfect, if you have any objections, tell me now.”
A deafening silence settles between you two, he chuckles again.
“Also, Shoko’s smart as shit. She can probably catch on, or maybe she already knows that you have a crush on him. Maybe she’ll play into this, fair warning. Alright, ready? Listen close.”
He stops leaning over the table, sitting back down normally.
“We start spending a lot more time with each other, as in, we spend more than half of our day with one another.” you open your mouth to complain, as Geto would be sure to annoy you knowing that you had to spend half the fucking day with you, but he shushes you up with his finger.
“I’m a good stalker, so I’ll be watching Gojo. If he doesn’t have a crush on you, he’ll be just fine. Albeit, just a bit lonelier, because his best bud is ditching him for you, maybe talk to Shoko or some shit. If he DOES in fact have a crush on you, he’ll watch our every move. He doesn’t hide his anger very well, so I’ll be able to tell.”
“You’re a good WHAT?”
“Shut up, and I have everything planned out. We’ll probably have a celebration at this park after we get back from wiping out all the curses from this village, and by then I’ll have enough information to see if that’s a good day to confess to him. Understand?”
You nod, shocked that he had literally planned this all out. He gets up, nodding at you and waving, giving you a playful wink before leaving the room.
—
Here you were now, sitting on the picnic blanket. Shoko digs her hand into her pocket, pulling out a few cigarettes.
You eye them as she whips out a lighter, delicately placing the cigarette into her mouth and lighting it. Taking in a deep breath, you watch her exhale, a hazy cloud of gray swirled around into the air.
You never took Shoko as a person to smoke, but your gut wrenches. Does Gojo like smokers? He seemed interested in Shoko, and maybe Shoko was trying to confess with him before you and Geto had crashed the party.
Nervously shoving the marble in your ramune down, you stutter, Shoko glanced up. Her lukewarm eyes stared into yours.
“Have a question, honey?” her cigarette between her pointer and index, she coughs before placing it back into her mouth.
“Uh, yeah. A-actually.”
A pleasantly surprised face covered her calm expression, looking at you with curiosity, she nods, telling you to continue.
“...Do you have a crush on Gojo?”
She looks at you, bewildered, before pulling the cigarette out of her mouth. Chortling turning into coughing, she spits into the grass.
“Oh NO honey, I can’t even picture dating a guy, actually, especially not that monkey. What made you think that?”
Waves of relief rushed over your body, and you realize how stiffly you were sitting up. Relaxing your shoulders, you take a swig out of your ramune.
“Uh, I-I don’t know. I saw you two u-uh... Really close...”
Shoko smiles, her eyes crinkle at the side as she did. Scoffing a little, she places the cigarette back between her lips, taking a deep inhale before exhaling.
“We were talking about shit, no bother, oh hey, Geto’s back.”
You stare at where she’s pointing, Geto’s hands were shoved deep into his pockets. He had a toothy grin on his face, and strands of hair strayed from his bun as the wind whipped against him.
“(Y/N)! I have news~!” he screams, approaching the picnic with long strides.
Your heart jumps out of your chest, did he talk for you instead, and got Gojo to confess?
“I set you and Gojo up!” he sang, sitting down with a heavy thud and digging his hand into the picnic basket, sticking his tongue out as he searched for snacks. He looks at you sadistically, thoroughly enjoying the shocked expression on your face.
“WHAT?”
Shoko snickers a little, before changing it into a cough as you glare at her.
“Yep, he’s coming back now, so you better prepare!” yanking out a snack, he peers down. “Fuck yeah! Dried squid!”
“ARE YOU GOING TO FUCKING IGNORE HOW YOU JUST SET UP MY CONFESSION WITH GOJO SO CASUALLY?”
He looks up at you, sharing a look with Shoko before both burst into laughter.
“(Y/N) being angry is a fucking knee slapper, isn’t it Shoko?”
‘Who the fuck uses the phrase knee slapper, Geto?”
Ignoring Shoko’s sarcastic comment, Geto stared up at your figure. “Anyways, go for it sweetheart.” Geto calmly responds, Shoko still laughing.
You splutter, cursing Geto under your breath and everyone under his family tree for raising such a child.
“Aw hey now (Y/N), no cursing me! I know you’re doing it, and hey look, here he comes! Shoo lovebirds!” he waves his hand. Shoko, in an attempt to calm down, pulled her knee into her chest and giggled into her arms.
You match your line of sight with his, Gojo’s lanky build was quickly approaching. Instead of his usually scowling face, he seemed more relaxed.
“Yo.” he scratched the back of his neck as he walked up to the group, studying the grass. “Sorry for blowing up.”
Geto stood up, patting Gojo’s back. “There there, truthfully no one gives a fuck! Actually, I don’t know if you remember but (Y/N) over here requested your audience, bye bye now!” shoving Gojo in your direction, he stumbled a little, before scrambling and placing his hands on your shoulder.
‘Sorry.” he murmured, a light blush crept up to his cheeks. “had to try to grab onto something or else I fall flat on my face.”
You found your cheeks also getting warm, you touched your skin, thankful that he was looking in another direction.
“Yeah. No problem.”
“Fuck off, you two! Flirt somewhere else!” hollered Geto.
“OKAY, HOLY SHIT!” hollered Gojo back, rolling his eyes before he looked down at you.
“Geto told me you wanted to talk to me about something.”
Your breath hitched, and you nodded nervously, he cleared his throat, arm snaking around your waist.
Shocked by the sudden realization that he had his arm wrapped around your fucking waist, your heart was now pounding out of your chest, eyes wide.
“The plot thickens.” Shoko lazily laid her head down on Geto’s shoulder, he grinned.
“That’s my fucking child right there.”
—
Gojo walked with you on a long, narrow path. Trees as a sort of canopy hung over your head, rustling with the wind. No people in sight.
He cleared his throat again, looking down at you.
“Uh, here looks really nice. Pretty peaceful, and there’s seating.” he gestured to a bench with his unoccupied hand.
You nod as he pulled you a bit closer into him, before letting go.
A whine almost leapt out of your throat before he slammed your hands over your mouth, for all you knew he wasn’t going to ask you out, and rather ask you directions to the nearest bathroom or some shit.
“Hey, sit down.”
Snapping out of your daze, you nodded, sitting down and staring at the opposite direction of wherever he faced.
You wished you had the courage to stare at his face, to look at his sunglasses while he ruffled his snow white locks. His defined collarbones, and his chiseled jawline and...
“So! What did you wanna talk about, (Y/N)?” you whipped your head to stare at him, jumping a little as you did so.
“Um.” FUCK, what were you supposed to say?
“...Lovely weather we’re having?”
Gojo scoffed, leaning towards you. He really did know how to work a person. Breathing heavier then you were when he pulled you closer to him, you looked at him, anticipating whatever he would say.
“I know that’s... Not what you were asking to talk to me for. Let me guess, you have a crush on Geto and you want to ask me how to get him to like you?”
‘What! No!” you responded exasperatedly, hiding your face with your hands.
“I... Don’t have a thing for Geto!”
“What was that?” Gojo paused, before pulling at your sleeve. “Hey, I couldn’t hear you.” joking teasingly, he fixed his askew sunglasses.
“I DON’T HAVE A THING FOR GETO!”
He jumped back, rubbing his temples and sighing before chuckling.
“You didn’t have to be that fucking loud! Holy shit that hurt my ears.” rubbing them, he looked at you with a laugh.
You noted that his friendly behavior was back in business, as opposed to the serious one he had adopted as soon as you started hanging out with Geto.
Suddenly, the atmosphere changed as his laughter died out, both of you silent.
“Then... Who do you have a thing for?” Gojo whispered breathily, crossing his legs.
You opened your mouth, about to respond with every bit of power that you had left inside of your already frazzled body that he was the one that you had a thing for, and the one you had a thing for for multiple fucking months. You closed it before you could, taking a deep breath in.
“Hey.” leaning closer into your face, you swore you could count every hair strand that he had. He breathed heavily as well, and his chest heaved, he placed a hand onto your shoulder.
“It’s okay, you can tell me.”
You shook your head, looking away once again.
He cursed to himself, was he too straight forward? Or were you that stupid, did he have to confess himself?
No, he didn’t want to damage his pride. He wanted you to confess, to tell him how much you loved him, and the things you wanted to do together.
But what if you were going to tell him that you had a thing for Shoko or some shit?
“Come on, (Y/N), I won’t judge you.”
‘No!” you shook your head furiously again, “you’re going to judge me!”
“I wont, come on, spill!”
You bit your lip, twisting yourself to look at him, tears dawning on your eyes. Diving headfirst into his chest, you whined. Fuck it all.
“I like you, Gojo.”
“...What?” he wrapped his arms around your head, looking down at you sniffling on his t-shirt.
“I like you, I like you, I like you DAMN IT!” you whined, banging your fists against his chest weakly.
“Woah, hey there little baby.” he pushed your head gently off of him, kissing your red, sweating forehead gently.
“I like you too, (Y/N).
#teenage gojo satoru#gojo satoru#jjk gojo satoru#jjk fanfic#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x reader#gojo#gojou#jujutsu kaisen#jjk gojo#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk geto suguru#geto suguru#jjk shoko ieiri#shoko ieiri#ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED DOWN TO SECOND YEAR#my characterization of geto and shoko? nonexistent#hehehe this is cute
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Hey! Sorry to bother you with a second ask but i thought this one would be cool. Fluffy headcanons of the demon brothers watching scary movies with MC??? Somewhere MC gets scared, and some where they don't? Thanks again!! :)
It’s no bother!! I love getting requests from you guys! The more, the merrier. I sort of hc that the brothers and MC do have movie night every week or so and with them being demons, they tend to levitate towards the horror genre. Thank you for sending this, this is really cute :)))
Without further ado—-
————————————
The Brothers watching Scary movies with MC:
Lucifer:
-Haha mf already knows how this is going to end
-He warned you, he really did
-The horror movies DevilDom has to offer are nothing, and I mean nothing, like the ones from the human world
-I’m not going to go into detail but imagine Two Girls One Cup, in a less kinky and more gorey way (then times that by 10)
-But you were adamant into giving it a go and he literally could not deny you in that moment
-Because you were giving him the puppy eyes
-That’s like, the finishing blow you use every time to get your way with him and as far as you know it’s the only one that works so-
-He expected your reaction to the last second
-You were traumatised for lack of a better word and you were basically watching the whole film through the cracks between your fingers
-Seeing you in that state was like a punch in the gut but he couldn’t stop himself from throwing in a subtle ‘I told you so’
-“I told you watching something like this before bed is a bad idea, MC.”
-He might be a bit condescending and judgemental at first, but he’s probably going to baby you a bit for the rest of the night
-Because he feels bad he allowed you to watch it in the first place
-HAHAHAHA SOFT LUCIFER HAS BEEN SUMMONED, USE HIM WISELY
-He will start muttering words of comfort to you later because he’s certain you’re going to have trouble sleeping
-Because of that one time, he’s very hesitant to let you watch another horror film anytime soon
-But he will relent eventually (especially if you want to watch a human horror film as those are technically less extreme)
-If it makes you happy, he will go through with it, even if he has to let you cling onto him for the rest of the day
-Besides, the way you cuddle into him while you’re watching a horror film is very cute and endearing to him
Mammon:
-Ah yes, the most effective method of waking up the entire House of Lamentation at 3:00 am
-Mammon screaming his own vocal cords out in his room as he tries to get through his human’s favourite horror movie without dying of a heart attack
-It was his idea because he’s definitely the type to go: “Yeah let’s do this, it will be fun. Don’t get too scared alright MC? The Great Mammon will be here to protect ya.”
-And then ten minutes in, he’s basically in your lap
-Half an hour in, he turned himself into a demon burrito with his blankets
-You were enjoying the movie, laughing at the stupid sound effects and poor quality while Mammon next to you has wrapped himself in like two dozen blankets and pillows
-“Mammon you’re going to overheat.”
-“Don’t be silly human, I’m a demon who lives in hell. I can take high temperatures the same way I can take this damn movie!”
-He doesn’t take either of them well
-Mammon and the horror genre don’t mix well together to begin with
-So even if you might enjoy horror, he doesn’t react well to it at all
-And he’ll be low-key relieved if you tell him you guys don’t have to watch any sort of horror film for your date night
-“Well I guess if you don’t want to, then we don’t have to. Can’t make my human do something they’re uncomfortable with eh?”
-But if you do watch a scary movie with him, be sure to show any sort of physical affection to him as often as possible
-You don’t have to say anything, just hold his hand or let him put his head in your lap or something
-It might stop him from screeching like a female sloth in heat
-The last time that happened, his brothers weren’t too pleased with him
-They about to recreate the horror film scenes onto him, bring the popcorn have fun
Levi:
-For some reason, I feel like he doesn’t get scared easily while watching stuff
-I mean, after decades of obsessively watching animes with brutal character deaths (like Attack on Titan style) and grotesque horror games that are pretty nasty even to demons, let alone humans;
-A horror film, from the human world or even DevilDom, doesn’t do much for him
-It will have to have very good psychological horror in it if you want the hairs on his arms to stand up in anticipation
-Tension is a big deal for him and he will immediately shut off the TV if there are any cheap jump scares
-But, if you manage to find just the right thing for him?
-You’ll both be hiding under the bed in no time under the bathtub more like
-Hell, if the film you’re watching is that good, he might even be holding onto you for dear life without realising it and getting flustered about it
-For weeks afterwards, any sound that is remotely similar to one from that movie will probably send both of you into panic
-You came to his room one night because you’ve had a nightmare about the stupid film and legitimately thought there was a fucking demon serial killer in your room
-So you wanted to stay in his
-“But what if there is a serial killer in your room and now you just led it to me MC????”
-It’s all jokes, there’s no question he would lock both of you in his room and then stay there with you wide awake until dawn
-You’re his best friend after all, he would have to be completely heartless to leave you on your own! (Besides Levi is terrifying when he wants to be)
-One time you were sleeping over and the sound of fumbling woke you tf up
-And Levi immediately turned into his demon form, like he was ready to throw hands with this fictional murderer that supposedly sneaked into his room
-“DON’T WORRY MC, I’LL PROTECT YOU!”
-“Ah never mind, it’s just Mammon breaking into your room again to steal your Ruri-Cham figurines and sell them on Akuzon.”
-“Oh OK.”
-“.....”
-“WAIT MAMMON WTF YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG, GET OUT OF MY ROOM-“
-I’m playing Minecraft
Satan:
-Believe it or not, Satan doesn’t care much about horror movies
-Don’t get me wrong, he loves watching his brothers shit their pants out of fear in the middle of one while he silently smirks to himself because watching other people suffer brings him euphoria
-Especially if someone actually manages to find a film that is excellent enough to spook Lucifer, because then he will be cackLING
-But, overall, he watches a lot of shows revolved around drama and crime
-That’s his thing
-However, he won’t turn you down if you’re up to watching a scary movie with him
-Any time spent with you is valuable time seeing as it won’t be long before his brothers start hogging you again like the cockblockers they are
-He is honestly surprised to find out you seem to be rather amused by those sort of movies
-So, even if it’s not inherently something he does on the regular, he would definitely watch a scary film with you if you enjoy them that much
-But in exchange, he makes you promise to read with him until bedtime rolls around (imagine Lucifer having a fucking curfew for his brothers and you lmao)
-So for the rest of night you guys just read together, ya know, like sappy romantics
-Tbh, this man will do almost anything with you as long as both of you are having fun
-He knows it’s not likely, but he insists on sleeping in the same room that night just in case you have nightmares and he needs to comfort you
- :)
-Satan is a gentleman. Idk how many people that don’t play OM expected to hear this
Asmo:
-Why would you want to watch a movie when you could be watching him???
-I mean, you would rather watch all that gory stuff on the TV than his beautiful face?
-He may get salty over a fucking movie tbh
-Horror films aren’t something he generally looks for while trying to pick a movie to watch
-He can definitely handle them better than Mammon but it’s not something he takes great pleasure in watching
-But the first time he ever sits down with you to watch one, he’s very intrigued to see your reactions
-You started feeling the sensation of absolute dread creep in at the very beginning and you were trying your best to act like you weren’t getting affected by what you saw on the screen
-But you were
-You went from “I’m grown ass adult, I can watch a fucking horror movie, no problem.”
-To “Welp, not enough of a grown ass adult for this-“
-And Asmo thought the way you tried to hide your nervousness was very mesmerising in a way
-He was planning on flirting with you during the movie anyway, but now that you were pressing himself against him?
-Oh boy, Oh boy
-“Darling if you wanted to touch me, you could’ve just said so. Making the excuse of watching a movie is unnecessary.”
-Nightmares? What nightmares? You won’t have time to have nightmares ;)
-haHAHA funny inappropriate joke
-It’s Asmo, it’s mandatory to have at least one of those added in here
Beel:
-Beel will show up if there’s food and that’s that
-He doesn’t care what type of movie is playing on the TV as long as he has a bucket of popcorn next to him at all times
-Horror films aren’t something he can’t handle, he’s a demon like the rest of his brothers and he is used to...violent deaths and such
-He doesn’t get scared but there are times where he gets attached to the characters
-Especially movies with actual good and not cringeworthy dialogue
-Therefore, when they die, he gets sad even if they’re just fictional and their death had no real impact
-He also thinks that the way you can watch these things without flinching is impressive
-I mean, he can watch it and so can his brothers because they are demons
-They’ve done worse things than the things you see in horror films
-But you’re a human! So it’s weird to see you watch a person get repeatedly slammed against a wall until their neck snaps without batting an eyelid
-Overall, he does not have an opinion on scary movies
-He gets a bit emotional when a character he really liked dies
-But other than that, he’s just focused on eating
-And occasionally patting your head affectionately
Belphie:
-He doesn’t really like horror films because there’s a lot of screaming and tense music and he’s just trying to nap in your lap (rhyme)
-He doesn’t really need sound effects like that in the background while he’s trying to sleep
-But one day he was like “Hey, what if I show my favourite human this particular scary film?”
-And he did
-And he’s internally dying and feeling guilty and yet so flustered because of you
-It’s like you suddenly turn into this very fidgety and anxious mess and he thinks you just look....cute
-At some point you were getting overwhelmed and sprung up on your feet to turn the lights on
-And he just grabbbed your wrists, pulled you down next to him and let you press your head against his chest
-As mentioned, he’s a little shit and will tease you for being such a scaredy cat
-“That was the most predictable jumpscare and you still flinched, wth is wrong with you lmao.”
-But at the same time....
-“Relax. It’s just a horror movie. You’ll be fine. Besides, I’m here. Like I would let something bad happen to you.”
-That’s sweet, even if the tone of voice may not imply it because he’s such a brat-
-He actually really likes holding you for once, because usually he’s the little spoon
-He’s still a bit of a sadist so I imagine him sitting there and watching this while giggling to himself
-Isn’t he the cutest, laughing at other people’s misery and their never ending suffering?🥺🥺🥺 UwU
-Ah well, at least he has the decency to spoil with affection afterwards and make sure you have no nightmares that night
-You know, as payback for the horrific shit he made you watch with no warning
————————————
OK, I think I made a decent job of this even though it took longer than it actually was meant to. Thank you for reading though. I’ve got so many requests to go through and I’ve been feeling motivated lately so yeah!
See you soon
Al~
#obey me#obey me imagines#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me leviathan#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me satan#watching scary movies#obey me shall we date#☂️ demon brothers#⭐️ requests#🌸 comfort#💳 mammon supremacy#I love him I’m sorry
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Smart Girl (J.JK x reader)🔞🌼☁️🎀
Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader
Genre: Good Girl!AU, Fluff, Angst, smut (what did you expect?)
Warnings: a bit of separation anxiety and a small panic attack sprinkled into it, but y’all know me by now, Reader is kinda lost without her Koo and emotionally a MESS (TM), sad boy Jungkook, Grumpy Jungkook, a fight between the marshmallow couple yikes, Dom/sub dynamics, Dom!Jungkook, Sub!Reader, Oral (m receiving), manhandling, mild DDLG themes, reader is a bit bratty this time and koo is having none of it, slight hair pulling, I think that’s it? Jungkoo is just the best boyfriendo ever okay
Summary: Jungkook loves how dependent you are on him. You however start to feel a bit different about it when you overhear a coworker of yours, who’s coincidentally also someone he’d slept with in the past, talking about how childish and most of all how much of a burden you are. You try to show Jungkook how independent and strong you can be on your own. And fail miserably. But luckily he's always gonna be there, won't he?
Good Girl || Sweet Girl || Smart Girl || Brave Girl
You don't even know how it started.
Maybe it was when you'd told Alex how Jungkook had just recently thrown your small pink plastic chair away, which you had used to reach the highest shelve in the kitchen so that you didn't have to ask him. Truth be told he'd said he didn't do it, yet his smirk afterwards told other words. He was always like this- it was as if he fed his own pride every time he helped you with even the smallest of things. Soohyeon had sighed at that, and you had simply asked what was wrong.
"What I'm saying is, Y/N sweety, maybe he just does it because you seem so lost all the time." Up until now, you and Soohyeon had gotten along quite well, considering the fact that she'd revealed to you early on when Jungkook had picked you up from your work that she and him had a bit of history- bedstories, for that matter. It did made you uncomfortable at first, but she'd reassured you that it had been a one-time-fun thing, no feelings involved. You believed her, considering that he really had been a person like that. Right now however, you began to feel a bit uneasy. "Trust me, I think he's just too soft for you to actually say it out loud." She said, and Alex scoffed.
"You're just bitter Soo, get over it or get out." She said, placing her hands on your shoulders as if to shield you from her words. You both quickly went to change after finishing your shift, however, the uneasy feeling stayed. "You okay?" Your friend asked, clearly concerned over your lack of happiness considering you had been so over the moon earlier that day when you'd explained how you were invited to a company-trip; and Jungkook had agreed to come along. You shook your head yes, but she was clearly not having it. "Look, I think she really is just bitter. Don't let it get to you, okay?" She said, and you smiled.
Back home, things didn't get better though. You were suddenly on edge, Jungkooks presence around you as you started to pack your bag for the next few days felt suffocating, and you couldn't concentrate on his voice at all, even if you wanted to. This was horrible. Were her words really getting under your skin?
"Y/N?" He asked, and you looked up. "You've been staring at that pair of pants for almost ten minutes now. Do you want me to pack them in my bag? That way you don't have to lift so much-" He said, already reaching for the piece of clothing, yet you slapped his hand away. You didn't intend for it to look as harsh as it did, yet you also couldn't apologize in time. "Whoa okay, that's new." He said confused, crouching down next to you on the floor to inspect your face turned downwards. "Whats wrong?" He asked, now actually a little concerned.
You simply folded the pair of jeans, packing them into your bag instead of his like he had suggested. "Nothing, don't worry about it." You mumbled, not noticing the way his eyes started to harden a bit at your attitude. It wasn't the fact that you went against him that bothered him, but the lack of communication going on. He hated it if you didn't talk to him, something you'd promised him to keep to a minimum.
"Okay there, stop." He said, shutting your bag to keep you from continuing, not even letting you protest. "I don't like that attitude baby, you know I hate it when you don't talk to me." He said, looking at you. Normally this would be the extend of your 'bratty-tantrum' how he playfully liked to call it- but no, it seemed like this wasn't just a random outburst, because you genuinely tried to pry his hands away from your bag. He was not having it. "Stop this bullshit-" he said, but you didn't let him finish this time.
No, this time you'd gotten up, making him stand up as well. You shrunk back a bit, but whatever had set you off, it really did it this time. "Fuck off, Stop treating me like a kid Jungkook!" You said, trying to run away from this upcoming argument by leaving the room, yet he didn't leave you alone. In that moment you didn't even think really, because if you had, you would've never reacted the way you eventually did. He waited, leaned against the counter with crossed arms, making you scoff at him. "Maybe you should just stay home Jungkook." You said, leaving him in the kitchen. You were mad. And ready to sleep in your old room- which was technically your room to begin with, yet you had slept in Jungkooks bed for as long as you were together now, so it was more like a guest room at this point.
You didn't care. You needed to be alone.
Jungkook was utterly confused. There was no simpler way to put it.
Maybe he really had overlooked the way he was starting to get more and more on your nerves with his constant helping and looking after you- but how could he really overlook that? Maybe he really didn't know you as much as he thought he did. After all, you two hadn't been dating for overly long at this point, and even though he has had relationships before, this was the first time he genuinely felt completely at ease with you. Didn't you feel the same way with him? Maybe Taehyung had been right, and he secretely was pushin his own likes onto you instead of openly communicating- ironic really, considering that he was always demanding to speak up whenever something was up with you. This was a mess. So thinking you truly meant what you'd said, he silently went back into his room, unpacking his bag.
The next morning, he tried to be as normal as possible. You didn't really fight after all, did you? Yet as soon as you walked out of your room, hair already brushed and clothing chosen carefully for the 7-hour busride, the air felt tense. He suddenly felt as if he was walking on the thinnest of glass shards, and if he wasn't careful he'd prick himself and bleed out on his kitchen floor. This was worse than any mafia-movie had ever depicted a torture scene. What the hell was he supposed to do?
In the end, none of you both really spoke at all, simply silently consuming a bit of breakfast, while you checked your phone to make sure you were on time. You'd seen your pastel pink bag next to the front door, and wanted to go off again. He really expected you to leave alone now? Mad as you were, you stood up and placed your cutlery in the sink, silently grabbing your coat. "Wait, let me-" you turned around and looked at your boyfriend, wanting to cry on the spot right there. He stood like he was genuinely scared to help you with your stuff, and you, intending to not make him even more uneasy as he was, grabbed your bag, opening the front door. You pretended to not see him standing behind you, expecting at least a hug- one which you never gave him, instead shoving your way past him, leaving him at the doorstep, dumbfounded as ever.
The trip wasn't as fun as you thought it would be. In the end, Soohyeon was visibly dissapointed to see that Jungkook didn't join in, which made Alex scoff at her in disgust. Now you felt even worse for letting her words get under your skin.
Enjoying anything was a challenge you never wanted to accept, considering that he was supposed to be beside you, making weird remarks at the way your guide was struggling to speak in front of you and your coworkers. You felt bad.
Back home, Jungkook wasn't doing much better. He'd called up Taehyung to talk to him about the fight you both had, and immediately wanted to hang up on it as soon as he told him to just 'fuck it out'. This really wasn't an option with you. You both were so much more than just sex, but he highly doubted Taehyung would understand this.
Maybe he should give you control for now. He'd just let you choose the pace from now on, no sexual innuendo here. Yet he couldn't help but call you anyways after biting his lower lip until he faintly tasted metal on his tongue. He could call you to tell you goodnight, right? You'd like that.. right?
The Night was even worse. You never liked loud places such as clubs, and Alex wasn't really much help either, since she had just dissapeared somewhere as soon as you all went out. You sat in the hotel bar, busying yourself with your phone because you didn't even drink at all. The more you thought about it, the more you really started to feel like a child. A lost one. So to try and at least get some good rest, you simply went up to your room, shutting the door, and throwing yourself onto your bed, your phone forgotten.
Fighting with Jungkook sucked.
That much was kind of obvious to you if you were being honest, yet you never truly thought about why it sucked. It wasn't so much that you knew you were overreacting. It wasn't the fact that he was right, even though that did kind of hurt your ego a little bit- it was more the aftermath and your own stupid hardhead that made you react like you did.
You were a softie. In a sense of, emotionally very easily affected. Things other people simply didn't care about sometimes had a huge effect on you. When you had talked against your mothers advice for the first time at the age of 10, convincing her to buy a blue teddybear for you instead of a pink one made you feel horrible that night- so much so that you found yourself crying way after your bedtime, staring at the soft blue bear in your hands. Not only because you felt bad for doing something simply different than what was expected of you, but because you felt bad for the bear- as stupid as it sounded. Your mother later on talked to you, explaining that it was okay to do things how you wanted sometimes, yet even though you always held that stuffed toy dear to you (even to this day, its still sitting on your bed), your attitude towards things never truly changed. You still had a hard time coming up with the courage to really speak your mind and let things go your way, because you knew you couldn't deal with the aftermath. Just like now.
Jungkook had been right. Oh so right. Yet you couldn't text him, because for once it was actually way too late at night, which was kind of ironic considering the previous story about your childhood, but also because you didn't know what exactly you should say. 'Sorry for being bitter about being bitter?' this was stupid, and you just wanted to throw this stupid white hotel pillow against the stupid hotel wall in front of you. Instead you simply pulled your knees closer to yourself, battling with your own tears. Why did you always cry so much? This was so unfair. Why wasn't Jungkook here, why did he actually let you go on this trip alone, why didn't he stop you, why did you tell him to fuck off, why the fuck did you shove him- so many thoughts started to make the tears finally fall. This was ridiculous. You just wanted to go home. What if something horrible happened and the last thing you said to him were these words?
But had Soohyeon been so wrong? You really were a burden, weren't you? Remembering all those times you'd asked Jungkook to help you made you feel awful, a stark contrast to how these little memories used to remind you how much you loved him. Now they just made your stomach feel stale and empty. Or maybe it was the fact that you had forgotten to eat. Again.
A buzzing sound from under your sheets made you sniffle, grabbing your phone to see who the fuck would be calling you this late.
Jungkook.
You hesitantly picked up.
And before he could even finish his 'Hey doll', you started to sob. Why was he so unfair? And why were you so upset about it?
"Whoa Angel, what's wrong?" He cooed over the phone, and you knew he just wanted to help, but the way he talked to you just fueled your inner thoughts even more. It was like trying to put out a fire by throwing a cardboard box on it- it just made everything worse. And you could physically feel it too- the way your fingers started to tingle, then curl into fists, the way your ears began to sound fuzzy and your head started to spin. You faintly heard Jungkooks frantic voice, counting. Counting? "One.. two.. three.. and out. Thats it baby, breathe." He said softly, and you could slowly feel your fingers again, sniffling softly and rubbing your eyes- before instantly regretting it when you saw your mascare on the back of your hand, smeared like the words of your first essay in school when you'd accidentally wiped across the ink that wasn't dry yet. "Talk to me baby."
His voice was like velvet over the phone, and you wanted to cry again. You had to swallow several times, searching for your voice before you spoke. "I'm sorry." You said, and before you could continue, your own sobs thought it would be nice to choke you up again. Now you just cried out of frustration, and it pained Jungkook way deeper than he liked to admit. This was horrible for him, the way he could clearly hear your painful whimpers, he just knew you were getting a headache already- and he couldn't do anything from this far away. He could only wait for you to continue. "You- I was so mean to you and so so dumb and I didn't mean it, I promise." You said tearfully. "I love how you drive me to work sometimes, how you get me things from the upper shelves in the kitchen, how- how you help me carry the groceries, a-and how you help with- with reminding me to eat, and how you tried to help me with my car even though you had no clue what to do and-" You said, and he hushed you again, noticing how you got riled up again. "I feel so bad 'Koo, I didn't even hug you goodbye when you stood behind me and I even pushed you and I didn't answer your texts and I really wanted you to come here too cause everyone's just drinking and I hate that, and there's this weird arcade place close by and you always told me how I suck at video games so I wanted you to show off there again even though I always tell you I hate it and-" You said, and he laughed.
"Baby stop, breathe." He said, grinning so hard his cheeks started to hurt. He always told everyone how soft you were, yet no one believed him when he said it. Taehyung always said you probably held the reigns in the bedroom, yet how could you ever? He just wanted to shelter you from the entire world, your soul way too gentle and fragile to be placed in such a rough environment in his opinion. He'd started to google the fastest route to your hotel, internally sighing when he saw the 6-hour mark on the quickest way. He didn't care however. "It's alright angel. First of all, you're not dumb." He said, sending the route to his phone while getting up to grab some clothes and his bag. "You're the smartest girl I've ever met okay, and nothing will change that." Not really caring what exactly he grabbed, he made sure to get an extra sweater for you to put on, knowing how you didn't pack any of his in your anger. "Second of all, why were you even mad in the first place baby? I really don't get it. If you want me to take care of you the way I did, why did it set you off yesterday?" He asked, genuinely confused.
You bit your lip, curled up on the way too large double bed which had been booked since Jungkook was technically supposed to be here. "Soohyeon said-" you began, but he groaned loudly at that, making you pout.
"Soohyeon? I really should've known. That woman really can't take rejection can she?" He said, his mood rotting the more he thought about her. "I don't think I wanna know what she said. Look baby, whatever she said, it's bullcrap okay?" Zipping up his bag quietly to not raise suspicion on your side, he sat back down on the corner of the bed. "I love you, alright princess? I'd tattoo that onto my forehead if I could keep my job after that." He said, and you giggled at that, making him visibly deflate. Thank god. "I love that sound too. Now go wash your face and drink some water so that your headache won't be so bad in the morning, alright?" He said, and you nodded, before internally cringing and answering him verbally. "Good. Now sleep baby, we'll talk tomorrow, alright? Love you." He said. And you immediately said it back, rushing into the bathroom after ending the call.
The next day started with a message on your phone, reminding you to drink lots of water to conquer your headache, and you smiled this time. When you met up with Alex for breakfast in the Hotel Lobby, she had greeted you with a hug, yet she also asked what was wrong, and why you'd left so suddenly last night. You explained to her what happened, leaving a few smaller details out that would be embarrassing down the line, like your slight panic attack over the phone simply because you remembered how you didn't hug him goodbye. That was your secret to keep.
She'd helped you with carrying your plate, when suddenly someone took it from her with a thanks, and your eyes widened when a hand was placed on the small of your back, the warmth of it slowly seeping through your shirt. You should be terrified but at least a bit uneasy, yet it was the smell that suddenly hung in the air that made your eyes almost water. Not because it was too present like your mom's perfume every time you went out to dinner as a family, but because you knew this- because Jungkook hated strong smells, and always washed his clothes with a specific fabric softener. But- how?
"Surprise?" He said, looking over your shoulder with his sugary sweet bunny smile, and you hugged him, careful of the plate he held in his hand. He simply laughed, already feeling way better than back home. Because even if he didn't outright say it, even just a day apart, especially when you both have had an argument before, had been hell for him. He was concerned for you whenever he couldn't be close to you, not because he thought you weren't capable, but because he thought why should you deal with things he could deal with way easier? When it came down to it, he was sure that you could stand up for yourself- you weren't a child before, as much as you may thought you were in his eyes. It was tricky, to say the least.
Soohyeon's eyes widened at the view of Jungkook walking into the hotel restaurant for breakfast, yours and his plate in his hands while looking for a table you could both sit at. It wasn't so much so that she was jealous, not really, because the dynamic you both had was nothing she wanted in a relationship- yet she couldn't help but feel a bit upset over the fact that he had gotten into a relationship with you. Technically, you were absolutely not his type, but what did she know?
Jungkook chuckled as he sat down with you next to a window, knowing even though you didn't outright say it that you liked this particular seat. He could spot Soohyeon in the corner of his eye, and wanted to laugh a bit, yet decided not to, simply as to not embarass you. You smiled, happy that he was there, and that was all that counted. "So, about that arcade place-" He started, and you groaned a bit, making him laugh. "Hey, come on, let me tease you a bit baby. You were the one leaving me cold like that, remember?" He said, and regretted it as soon as those words left him when he saw you visibly deflate. "Hey- sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Let's not talk about that right now, okay?" He said, and you nodded, shoving another piece of toast between your teeth.
Suddenly that trip didn't feel so boring after all. Having Jungkook at your side made almost everything way better- and funnier. You felt more freedom now, knowing that you had someone at your side who would have your back if you did something bold. It was like Jungkook's presence gave you a sudden boost in confidence, Alex smiling every time you made a sassy comment, being a stark contrast to how you'd acted before. But that was just the effect he had on you.
You both later on ditched the rest of the group and decided to go back to the hotel room- simply because you insisted, even though Jungkook himself told you over and over again that he wasn't tired, sometimes even being interrupted by a yawn as if his body was trying to tell you how big of a lie his words were. You didn't mind at all that he needed a bit of rest, you loved sleep after all, and it was even better when you could sleep in the arms of a loved one like him.
He immediately fell onto the bed, sighing in relief and you laughed at that, putting down your handbag before going into the bathroom to take off your makeup. It was still mid-day, but you honestly didn't feel like wearing anything anymore, rather happily grabbing your makeup-wipes and cleaning your face. Jungkook came into the bathroom, smiling as he took in your now clean face. "I love it when you don't wear makeup." He said, wrapping his hands around your middle and placing a kiss on your cheek. Ever since your little 'moment' a week ago, he'd been way more generous with his kisses around you. It seemed like he'd officially broken down an internal wall, like he learned something new and had to experience it over and over to really get the hang of it. And you loved it.
Back on the bed, you had your phone in hand, randomly checking your twitter feed for anything interesting, when Jungkook finally emerged from the bathroom, having insisted on taking a very long hot shower because 'look, I payed for this shit so I'm gonna use it'. You'd laughed at that and the fact that he insisted on having you shower with him, yet eventually giving up after you'd explained to him that that's dangerous, that you could slip and hurt yourself because you just knew he wouldn't be able to keep his hands to himself- that thought alone made him shut up, if a bit pouty.
He had a towel wrapped around his lower parts, but the view of his bare upper body wasn't something unusual. He had a habit of normally sleeping without a shirt, and generally walking around the apartment without one on a day off for that matter. You didn't really knew why exactly he did that, but hey, you weren't complaining at all. He suddenly laid down on top of you in a teasing way, his arms resting next to your elbows keeping your upper body up since you were laying on your stomach. Of course he didn't let himself fall down, knowing he would probably crush you under his weight, but he also knew that you loved being this close to him, even if you sometimes made pouty remarks on how he was bullying you for being small. "what'cha doing?" He said, placing his chin on top of your head, trying to catch a glimpse of your phonescreen while you scrolled down. He became increasingly more touchy, suddenly running his fingers over your arms, moving his head to rest on your shoulder, before he eventually started to softly kiss the side of your neck. You had to admit it was hard resisting, but you liked to test his patience once in a while. "Yah, pay attention to me.." He whined, playfully biting the skin just above your collarbone, making you squeak, and him laugh darkly. Today, it seemed like he wasn't really up for playing. Because once he saw that you still refused to give into his advances, he eventually placed his way larger hand over yours, pressing the lock button on your phone before taking it from you.
"Hey!" You said, turning around and sitting criss-crossed while watching him place your phone on the bedside table, even making sure to connect the charger before turning around to face you again. His hair was still damp, his skin soft and still a little red on some parts where the water had heated him up. Even though his eyes held something mischievous and impish in them, you noticed just how young and fierce he looked; it made you remember just how much of an untamed person he really was. While you were someone attached to him like a newly grown limp, he was free to go wherever he wanted. Maybe he was just as uncaring then? Would he really slow down himself in order to make you catch up to him? Maybe he would. He'd shown you again and again just how gentle he actually could be, yet he also never backed down from a challenge with anyone. You really weren't as competitive as him, yet his nature had started to really colour your soul as well, making you bolder whenever he was around. Turning back time to the beginning of your relationship, you would've never seen you being so open with him like you were now. "You aren't even wearing clothes, gimme my phone back 'koo-" You started, but he'd seen through you already.
He smiled and crawled up to you, his towel getting caught under his knee during his movements making it eventually just lay on the matress underneath his legs as he towered over you, this time your body laying on its back underneath him and his gaze. You blushed chrimson, trying hard not to look down at all, and it made him laugh. "Oh baby, I don't plan on sleeping right now." He said, hands grabbing your wrists and putting them over your head. "And I don't need clothes either for what I'm about to do." He whispered, turning his head to the side and watching your face for a minute before chuckling. "Seriously doll? You've seen it all more than once by now, how are you still shy?" Moving his hands to run over your form, he stopped for a second, face serious. "Do you want to? We don't have to right now." He said, and you shook your head at that. You'd missed him. You wanted him too.
Moving to throw your shirt over your head, he instantly leaned in for a kiss, the newfound sensation now one of his favorite feelings with you. Back then kissing had been somewhat of a taboo for him; not because he didn't like it, but because he'd always been a hopeless romantic deep down, promising himself that he would keep a signature offering just as kissing for his actual lover, not just anyone he'd screw. It was such a meaningful gesture to him that he could not bring himself to kiss anyone other than you- but he'd never tell you that. That was embarassing.
Your soft mewls eventually brought his thoughts back to you, moving his hands and lips away from where they had been to new destinations. Your lavender colored shorts had to go as well as your white lacy bra- and he smiled at the fact that this time was a rare occurance where you didn't match up your underwear. He thought about teasing you about it, but eventually decided against it, feeling way too needy for your taste and touch at this point. Suddenly however, you spoke up.
"Ngh, wait-" You said, and he immediately stopped what he was doing, eyes searching yours for any explanation. A blush covered your face and heaving chest, a view he would describe as heavenly if it wasn't for the slight concern that made its way through his brain. I wanna, uhm.." You started, but went into panic mode. How where you supposed to ask him that? You'd been so bold before with pleasuring him with your hands, yet you wanted to go even further- however, you never even saw so much as porn of it before, clicking away as soon as you thought you could watch it. Maybe it was really childish, but this was something you wanted to try, your curiousness getting the best of you at this point, but you also didn't know how to express that properly. Maybe he didn't even like those things, maybe he would be against it, and then the moment would be ruined and the night would become awkward as hell. His hand was placed on your chin, his thumb gently pulling your lower lip out from your teeth to stop your biting. This was your Jungkookie for god's sake, he would never laugh at you for this! (He actually would, just a little bit, but that was besides the point.) "I uhm.." you started again, before closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. "I wanna go down on you too." You rushed, and waited for his response. Which did take a bit.
His eyes were wide open, and for a moment he looked just like the phrase always said, 'like a deer caught in the headlights'. You wanted to... what? It wasn't like he was against it or complaining, hell fucking no, but when did you even get that idea? It was always a little confusing to him how you could be so angelic, yet so mature at the same time. Suddenly his mind started to go nuts, visions of you on your knees in front of him, eyes so innocent staring up at him while he had his length placed inside your mouth- good lord. "Are you.. sure? You don't have to, you know-" He started but you cut him off.
"I'm sure, I just-" You said, playing with your fingers out of habit. "You would need to, you know, tell me how.." Jungkook almost growled at that. Of course that was your first time; and the fact that you trusted him so much as to ask him for this made his pride swell up- well, not only that, but right now he had other priorities. He gently traced your cheek, before moving to get a pillow from the bed, placing it on the floor at the corner.
"Alright baby." He said, and you nervously went down to kneel on the pillow, thankful that he didn't make you place your knees on the hardwood floor. But then again, he'd never do anything to hurt you whatsoever, so it wasn't too surprising. Somehow, even though you'd seen it countless of times you still avoided eye contact with his hard on, making him smile a bit. Your nervousness was quite endearing to him if he was honest, yet he would never voice that out loud. Instead, he slowly took your hands, placing them just underneath his navel, before he ran a hand through your hair, brushing it out of your field of vision for you. "Take your time pretty girl, just do what you think feels right." He said, voice low but steady. "I'll lead you on the way. Just relax." He spoke, hands never stopping his gentle reassurance.
Even though you felt like you would never be ready, you slowly started to move your hands. At first you placed them on the inside of his thighs, getting a feel of it, before moving them to his hipbones and leaving them there. You slowly breathed to calm your own nerves before you placed a kiss on the side of him, making him breath out a bit heavier. Easing into it, you eventually took the tip inside your mouth, bitter and salty tastes combining in your mouth from the taste of his skin and slight precum. It wasn't unpleasant though, so you didn't shy away.
As soon as you started to suck just a little, his head fell back. His breathing was a bit shaky you noticed, and when you took a little more of him in, you noticed how the muscles of his stomach tightened. "Just like that-" He breathed out, getting interrupted when you swallowed around him a little as to not drool all over the place. You moved backwards to let him pop out before taking him in again, soft lips leaving a heavenly feeling behind. He looked at you with admiration, and if his mind had been trying to display an image of what you maybe looked like in this situation, nothing could've prepared him for the view he actually got. Second after second you got more comfortable in what you were doing, but it was when your eyes innocently looked up at him while your head turned a little to the side, hair bruhing his thigh, that he broke. A grunt was leaving his lips as you reached for his hand, intertwining your fingers in his. The way how you made something so filthy feel so romantic made him a little jealous- you always did things like this so effortlessly, while he struggled with writing a fucking birthday card the right way without making it sound over the top or cheesy. "God- yes-" He choked out, before you placed your free hand around the rest of him that wouldn't fit into your mouth, moaning a bit yourself around him. "I don't even have to- fuck- teach you anything-" he said, chuckling a bit under his breath, chest heaving and dusted in a mild watermelon shade, sweat starting to glisten on his skin. "you're such a smart girl, ah- you're my good girl, so so good, fuck-" He said, thighs suddenly trembling. His hand found its way into your hair, his grip tightening a bit without being too rough. "Baby I'm gonna cum, princess, stop I'm- ah-!“ He said, but you almost cockily didn't stop, instead swallowing again around him, before you could feel his cum heavy on your tongue as he actually whimpered out a moan. Your nose scrunched up a bit at the taste yet you swallowed it down, and he fell backwards, taking a deep breath. You moved to stand up, legs a bit sore from your position, laying down on your stomach next to him, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. "You really are something else dollface." He said, his hand placing itself behind your ear before he pulled you closer, kissing you deeply. He didn't mind the slighty weird taste of his own release on your tongue one bit.
The way you could rile him up in a matter of seconds was witchcraft, he was sure of it, yet he didn't mind being cursed if it was you putting a spell on him. It didn't matter as long as he could be like this with you forever at this point. Was this what love actually was?
His kisses were deep, rushed, as if he was running out of time again, but that was who he was. Jungkook was an impatient man, only slowly learning to take a break or stop and stare for a second. He'd been a selfish and hurried being before he'd eventually met you, nowadays starting to make time for things instead of squeezing his happiness in between seemingly important tasks during his day. Moments like these however made him fall back into his old steps, yet you didn't mind at all. This was just who he was, and you loved him either way.
His hand travelled lower, eventually finding your folds, slipping between them with ease, your juices making every motion glide softly as ever. Putting pressure on your pulsing nub you mewled into his mouth, back arching off the matress and chest pushing against his, your hands grabbing the sheets in small fists before loosening up, just to grab them again. You gasped when he eventually let your lips go, instead playfully biting and sucking on the skin of your shoulder down to your collarbone, making sure to leave his marks on his way. His fingers eventually slipped inside you, curling up to have you moving to a beat only you both could feel.
He took them out of you after a bit of making sure you were ready for him, impatiently pumping his length to get himself ready as well, before he grabbed his travelbag, opening it hurriedly and grabbing a familiar foil package. Ripping it open with slightly shaking hands, he rolled it over his sensitive tip, making sure it was properly placed before he joined you again on the now dishelved hotel bed.
The first push made you both groan out, before you had moved your legs, heels placing themselves just above his behind, trying to keep him close to you. He sighed, swallowing between breaths, sweat now making his skin glow as the sun slowly peaked out beneath the clouds again, shining through the window, blinds drawing patterns of glowing stripes on your skin wherever it could reach you two. He whished he could take a picture right now, the entire scenery so sappy and aesthetic to him that he couldn't help but plead that he would never forget this view. He groaned when you started to clench around him. "Ugh, you're so good to me princess.." He pressed out between grunts. His pace picked up again, the sound of skin against skin ever so present in the room. "Such a good- good girl for me, yeah?" He said, and smiled when you nodded at him, hands grabbing at his biceps, holding onto him for dear life. Your orgasm came sudden, so sudden that it made you yelp a bit, an in your ears way too loud moan escaping- while it sounded like music to Jungkook himself as he released inside the condom inside you, body shaking as he slowly pulled out making you whine at him cutely.
You both laid beside each other, Jungkook putting the sheets over your body, knowing how easily you got cold afterwards. He curled up behind you after getting rid of his condom, pulling you as close to him as possible, sun slowly glowing warmer and warmer, before you both fell asleep.
"hey."
Something touched the tip of your nose. You scrunched it up, groaning before pulling the sheets higher to cover your face. "No no, baby." The voice of your boyfriend was evident, sleep lacing it a little but he seemed to be awake. "If you sleep any longer you'll get a headache princess." He said, and you turned around again to face him, hating how he was right. "There you are. Good morning." He said, smile ever so present on his features. You remembered briefly getting up late at night and showering after Jungkook helped you with it, before falling asleep again. Now it was almost 11 in the morning, and you were surprised how long you'd slept. "We missed breakfast, but I wanted to take you out for some fast food anyways." He said, sitting up and making you smile impishly.
"Chicken Nuggets for breakfast?" You asked a bit timidly, and he chuckled.
"Only because you gave me head yesterday." He bluntly said, and you hid yourself again.
He really was the worst boyfriend ever. And the best.
"I still can't believe how that was your first time doing that."
"Please stop talking about it-"
"Oh I will. If I can get another one tonight?"
"Shut up 'Koo."
"Oh you love me!"
Yes. Yes you did.
Thank you so much for reading, and again, don't hesitate to send in asks for 'koo or the MC to answer! Much love, Bonny <3
#bts#bts imagine#bts fic#bts smut#bts fanfic#jungkook#jungkook imagine#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook#bts reactions
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KATSUKI BAKUGOU X YOU
The image isn't mine credits to the owner.
For some reason, I just write angst. 😅
I hope you like it. I really like Bakugou. I am still reading the manga and I am still in the 17th volume but I am loving his character development.
We can't forget that underneath all of that image of a bad/angry boy is still a teenager and geez we all can agree that teenage days are the worst.
Anyway, I am sorry for my writing skills and probably grammar mistakes but as I said in my work of Kirishima I don't usually write in English so I am trying my best and using dictionaries and even Grammarly to make sure everything is on point but sometimes some mistakes can get through it so I am apologizing beforehand and I will keep improving my English vocabulary to make my writing more interesting.
Words: 1.2k
Warnings: It is Bakugou so swearing is obviously here.
You stopped abruptly as you heard a loud and painful hiss. Your whole body completely froze while watching the state of that blonde guy. The rain wetting all his figure, his hair was even more messy than usual, his hands were sparking a little from his frustration.
I knew it. You told yourself as shutting your e/c eyes aggressively because of the huge pain felt as seeing him in such condition. You knew that he was suffering like you were because even if he didn't tell Kirishima what he meant to him we all knew that Kirishima was someone really important to Bakugou. Thankfully you had enough empathy to realize that seeing Kirishima unconscious on a hospital bed was an overwhelming pain for him as well.
Finally, you got the strength and courage to open your dark blue umbrella and took small and slow steps towards him. Fortunately, he didn't notice your presence as he was drowning in his feelings. Feelings. Something and probably the only thing Bakugou was terrible with. Normally he only ignored them and pushed them deep down in his soul letting them there alone getting bigger and bigger every day. And then one day those neglected pieces of human nature just exploded doing a huge mess. You already had witnessed that happening once and it wasn't something pleasant to see. It made your heart shatter in a million pieces because he went in a total auto-destructive mode and you being in love with him made you feel helpless and lost in the middle of your and his pain.
At last, when you were just mere centimetres from him, your umbrella was already above his head and his hood was pushed to cover not just his head but especially his face. His whole body hardened and you took this opportunity to wrap your free hand around his body while laying your head against his wet clothed back.
" I'm sorry for this random affection but I don't know what to do with this pain. I... I...My heart and soul are in suffering now so please just let me be like this for just a couple of minutes." he didn't say anything but you realize how heavy was his breath. A deep breath came from you while you squished him more trying to let your feelings be silently handed on to your lover. You would never be able to express your feelings so you just wanted him feel them.
"I'm sorry." a heavy and sad whisper came from the blonde as his muscles started to smooth under your touch. "It was my fault." your small hand rubbed the side of his body where your hand was calmly but firmly laying. The reality was you didn't know what really happened you just found Kirishima body laying on Bakugou arms in the middle of the battlefield where a group of villains attacked. Bakugou was frozen by his panic and disbelief the whole time since you found out them until arriving in the hospital.
"Shh...It isn't anybody's fault except those fucking villains." His body hardened again and heat rises from him. Shit. You should have just stayed quiet. He tried to let go of your grip and when he did he looked directly at you. And if it was possible your heartbreak to even smaller pieces. His face was consumed by the pain, sadness and especially the well-known rage. His eyes and face were swollen and red not just because of him being crying but also because of the fight they had against those villains. Small cuts here and there in his body. You tried to reach him but he dodged your touch.
" It was my fault. I was weak and he threw himself in front of me stupidly. I was the one who couldn't protect another human being and lost the fight. It is my fault. So just shut the fuck up with your pity I don't need it for anything. Especially when you were fucking late to help Kirishima. It is also your fault. You are useless. " If you didn't know him you would definitely just turn on your heels and leave but it was Katsuki we were talking about. He was shouting those things not really because he meant but because he was using your name instead of his while in reality, it was just a way to talk his feelings out and to curse at himself and not you. " So don't touch me. Don't try to seek relief because you don't deserve it. You need to drown in those feelings."
Your umbrella fell on the road and your hells rose to let your lips touch his. It was unexpected by both of you. You didn't think this through, it was just a reflection of your inability to comfort Katsuki. However, what shock you the most was his strong arms unexpectly wrapped your waist tightly pulling you so closer to him that both bodys almost fused in to each other and then his lips started a rough and intense kiss. All feelings getting involved at this moment. You could taste the bitterness of failure, the sourness of sadness and deep down a really shy sweetness of the untold love.
You both were already gasping for air but none of you wanted to let go. Your lungs were burning, your hearts racing and your legs trembling.
However very abruptly everything stopped including the feeling of his touch on your now wet body from the rain.
" What the fuck was that for?" the blonde screamed very loud when he came into his senses. His eyes were confused and full of anger. You stood in your place unshakable, you were already prepared for this.
" Nothing, Katsuki. It was nothing." you sighed in annoyance." What the hell do you think it is? I am tired of this." You screamed back at him and he was shocked. Yes, you had already had some fights but for silly things especially because you loved to make fun of him and tease him but never for serious topics and never with this look on your face." I think this kiss made pretty clear what's going on between us. I am fucking tired of watching you suffer in silence. I hate that so much. My heart breaks every time you self-isolate yourself. Maybe I am being egotistic but I just want you to be happy, goddammit. " His gaze was burning your skin of how intense it was. For the first time, you didn't know what he was feeling. Yes, because even though he puts his mask of an angry and though guy, he was actually a pretty simple person underneath that. He was just trying his best to improve himself and raise at the top and someone who lack a lot on self love.
" I didn't ask for anything. And there is no us here. I don't love you. Love is just stupid and a waste of time." he muttered finally taking his gaze away from you. "I don't want to love you while I don't love myself."
" Shh... I don't need to be corresponded I just want you to let me help you." You wrapped your arms again around him squishing him so hard as you could. " Just enjoy my company and let me be your walking diary. Allow me to hear your rants and fears."
#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha#mha#mha bakugou#katsuki bakugo#bakugou angst#bakugou x fem!reader#bakugou x you#Bakugou angst#Angst
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@otaku-explosion request: #8
Fem s/o slapping/punching/etc (you get the point) whichever boy of your choosing from (Izuku, Bakugou, Eijirou) then promptly kissing them or doing something else in affection then saying something like "I love you, but if you ever pull a stunt like that again shit is going down"
these boys would drive me nuts doing the stuff they do. whether its ridiculous, dangerous, or both
A/n: I love all your requests so much you genius.
Bakugo:
"Don't you fucking dare!" You yelled at your idiot of a boyfriend, knowing what that glint in his eyes meant. You had seen it all too many times before.
He was about to run head first into a villain fight and go ham without even thinking of a plan first.
It was how he always liked to do things, fighting first and thinking later. But right now, after having assessed the situation, you decided it was too dangerous, and there was no way you were letting him run headlong into certain doom without a plan this time.
You usually trusted his instincts, they were very impressive. He wasn’t much for thinking strategies but he was smart enough to think and fight at the same time. So you always trusted him not to do anything too stupid, but this time felt different somehow and you didn’t like it.
“Stay here, it’s dangerous.” Bakugo said, completely ignoring your previous comment.
“Uh! yeah! I know! That's why I'm telling you not to go- Katsuki!” you yelled at him as he ran out into the chaos, ignoring you once again.
You could not believe that he had just completely ignored you- or, no, you could believe that. When in battle he always became twice as stubborn than he usually was.
You were just in shock at how stupid he was being right now.
Of course, you knew he was strong but something but you couldn't shake the feeling that you were running into a trap.
And as much as you trusted Bakugos instincts; you trusted yours more.
You two had been paired off from the main group of heroes when they got word of the villains splitting up, but you were skeptical as to why this particular villain was wandering around alone?
Even if your group splits up, the smart thing to do would be to split up into smaller groups rather than go off on your own and try to take on the heroes one by one.
It just didn’t sit right with you. These villains might be strong but even an idiot would know better than to try and take down pro heroes alone.
You peaked over the wall you had been hiding behind to watch as Katsuki used a sneak attack to blow the villain through the wall of the building.
You would have smiled proudly at your boyfriend but it was too easy for your liking.
He seemed to notice that too and stayed on guard.
He sent you a singular look and you knew to stay back. It was best to stay hidden in case more villains showed up.
Then you could at least take the upper hand by surprising them.
This was how you two worked. He was a head on fighter with amazing strength, and you were the sneaky, strategic one. All of these traits paired together made the both of you an unstoppable duo.
It didn't take much longer for your suspicions to be confirmed.
Two more villains jumped out at Katsuki, and the one he had put through a wall jumped back up.
He had used himself as a dummy to lure out the heroes!
"Fucking DAMMIT!" You heard your boyfriend yell in annoyance.
Your heart jumped into your throat as you watched him take on three strong villains alone.
You hated this, why couldn't he just have stayed back and listened to you?
Either way, you had to wait for him to signal for you to jump in.
Bakugo made sure that all three of them were focused on fighting him, and when you had the perfect opportunity to jump in he gave you the signal.
When you snuck over to them you were able to catch them off guard enough to immediately take one of them out using your quirk. Though the other two seemed like they were going to be a lot harder to take down.
Their movements were fast, and their punches were strong.
Though, they still weren't good enough for the strongest power couple of pro heroes.
You two were most known for being the strongest partners in the industry. So it wasn't a surprise when you kicked their asses.
Despite your victory that didn't mean to say you left with no injuries.
Right as you finished tying them up more pro heroes showed, letting you both know it was over and the heroes had won. All that was left to do now was go get your injuries looked at.
You both sat down on the edge of the entrance to an ambulance, having your injuries looked at.
"Looks like you only left with minor injuries!" The paramedic smiled.
"Hmm. You might want to wait a minute?" You grinned all-too-innocently over at your boyfriend.
"What are you talking about babe- OW! WHAT THE FUCK!?"
Bakugo yelled as you leaned across and punched him in his arm as hard as you could.
"That's for not listening to me!! I was worried sick! Honestly!! You should know better than to run head first into danger like that! I know you're stubborn but my god-"
"Hey- We won didn't we-"
"Don't interrupt me!" You cut him off. "You ever do that shit again and I'll kill you myself!!"
At this point the paramedic had rushed off, not that you could blame her. You wouldn’t want to be in between a couples argument either.
Especially not this couple
“What do you want me to do? Say I’m sorry for doing my job?”
You huffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “That would be a good start.”
He groaned and threw his head back, feeling exhausted from the conversation. You were lucky he loved you enough to actually swallow down his pride for you. “Fine- god you’re hard work sometimes- I’m sorry, happy now dumbass?”
You mouth fe agape. “Oh wow- you actually apologised.”
“HUH!?”
You let out a laugh at his expression which only seemed to tick him off more.
“I’d never actually make you apologise for doing your job- though it’s sweet you still did~.”
He stared at you in disbelief. Were you trying to piss him off? Why the hell were you making him say sorry and then laughing at him!? From the corner of his eye he noticed a small cloud of grey smoke. He glanced down at his hands to see them smoking.
He released a sigh in order to calm himself down, something he had gotten considerably better at doing since those school days. He crossed his arms, hiding his hands in his armpits in an attempt to stop the smoke.
He was used to this behaviour from you, you always liked to keep him on his toes and test his patience.
Though… for some reason, he didn’t mind as much when you were annoying him. If it were someone else he probably would have blown then into the ground by now.
In a way, he kind of liked how you challenged him. It kept your relationship unpredictable and interesting.
As he was grumbling to himself he didn’t notice you crawling over to him and was caught off guard when he felt a kiss placed onto his lips.
He looked at you with irritated eyes and you laughed again, noting that he was hiding some embarrassment in there too. The way that his ears tinged red at the sudden affection made your heart melt. He could be cute when he wanted to be- mostly when he wasn’t talking.
You sat beside him and curled into his side.
“You had me worried, idiot…” you muttered softly into his chest.
He sighed again and put an arm around you. “You shouldn’t worry.”
“I know, You can take care of yourself, but sometimes I panic when I see you running into danger.”
He knew exactly what you meant, Whenever he heard you were caught in the midst of a big fight or whenever he saw you on the news his heart always stopped for a moment. It was hard being heroes and dating at the same time. But at the end of the day, you both knew you were too strong for some low life villains to defeat you- Or at least that’s what you both told yourself to make it easier.
In all honesty, you had each other's backs and you knew as long as you were together you’d both work your hardest to make sure nothing bad happens.
You just had to have a lot of faith and trust in each other.
“Luckily, you’ll have me to back you up.” You looked up at him and sent him a sly smile which, in turn, made him roll his eyes.
“Lucky? My ‘back up’ just punched me!” He backfired.
“Don’t pretend it hurt!” you laughed, You weren’t all that strong, and you knew fine well he had trained himself to be able to withstand strong hits. Even your worst punch could barely make him flinch. As you had learned from all the training you did together.
Bakugo chuckled. “You’re right, it was weak.”
You huffed through your nose, turning your head from him. “You’re also lucky I love you.”
You felt two lips being placed onto your cheek and you blushed when you felt his warm breath hit your ear. "I love you too."
Midoriya:
You carelessly ran through the halls of the hospital, often being yelled at by the staff you passed. A few of them had tried to stop you before you caused some sort of damage but you couldn't stop- even if you wanted to, you couldn't find it in yourself to slow down.
You knew you shouldn't be running like this in a hospital but you didn't care! Worry had completely overtaken all of your senses and all you wanted was to see that messy green hair you loved and those sparkling, jade eyes.
After getting the phone call to tell you that your boyfriend was in hospital, yet again, for being reckless, you dashed over here as fast as you could and you had no intent to stop until you got to him. You had no idea what condition he would be in, you didn't even know if he was awake!
As you finally arrived at his room you noticed the door was open and you skidded inside, your body hit against the door frame as you came to a rough stop. You panted heavily as you leaned against the door frame, your eyes trailed over to your boyfriend who was currently sitting up in the bed.
He looked alarmed that you had burst in here like you did. He was expecting you to show up any minute but not to fly through the door!
His left arm was in a sling and both his legs were bandaged up along with his head. It looked like Recovery girl had already been here, but he still looked pretty beaten up.
You shivered, not wanting to imagine what he had looked like before the treatment.
"Y/n!! You're here-"
His bright smile from seeing you was immediately replaced with an expression of shock as you ran over to his side and punched him right in his uninjured arm.
"Ow! What-"
"Do you know how worried I was!?" Your voice cracked as you tried to cover your tear filled eyes with your hair. “They didn’t even tell me what happened! All I knew was that you were seriously hurt! Do you know how scary that was!?”
You didn't want him to see you crying. You had always promised to support him ever since you were little. You told yourself that no matter what danger you two found yourself in you would never stand in his way of being a hero.
But he was just so reckless sometimes!!
Today had been too much for you to handle, it had tested your strength, it had tested your ability to not break down, but it turns out you weren't as strong as you thought.
For a second, when you received that terrifying phone call, you thought they were going to tell you he had died, or didn't have long to live. You had never felt such a numbing pain in your whole life.
You were used to getting phone calls from the hospital but usually it was from Izuku himself, telling you what had happened and that he was ok. So when you got a call from a doctor telling you he was currently undergoing surgery you panicked.
When they told you he was going to be ok you felt like you could breathe again, but the numbing emotion never left you. The whole journey to the hospital you felt like you were in a daze.
In fact, you could barely remember how you got here. It was like your body was on auto-pilot. All you could focus on was your own pounding heartbeat.
"Y/n…"
You felt a large hand come up to cup your cheek and lift your head up. It was only when you met his green eyes that you realised your vision had become blurry from the tears welling in your eyes.
When you shut your eyes they finally fell. You leaned into his hand, grabbing his forearm with both of your hands and holding him close. He was alive, it was ok. There was no reason to be upset.
So why were you still crying?
You felt the pad of his thumb gently caress your cheek, wiping away the tears. He stared at you with a heartbroken expression. He hated doing this to you. He hated being the reason you had to worry so much. He had honestly expected you to leave him by now. You deserved so much better and yet… you stayed.
He didn’t know why. Why was he worth this to you? You were way too good for him.
"I thought you died." You whispered helplessly.
You didn't even have the chance to open your eyes before you felt the hand leave your cheek and wrap around your waist.
He pulled you down into his chest, holding you there protectively as you cried into his shirt. You welcomed the hug whole heartedly and made yourself comfortable on the bed beside him.
"I know I said I would always support you but today was too much." You lifted your head from his chest so you could smash your lips against his. It was like a way of telling yourself he was still alive. He was ok and you didn't need to worry anymore.
"I love you so much, but if you ever do something so reckless like that again then villains would be the least of your worries." You joked with a small smile, though your eyes were still tear filled. You wanted to lighten the mood. The last thing he needed after such a big fight was to be surrounded with more sadness.
Your dazed boyfriend shook his head. It seemed the kiss had caught him off guard.
He let out a soft laugh as his fingers gently ran through your hair. "I believe you, i'll make sure to keep that in mind."
Oh yeah, he had seen your "bad" side on a few occasions. Luckily he had never been the target of your wrath and he fully intended to keep it that way.
He never wanted to be the reason you were upset.
As he looked down at your teary eyes he made a mental note to try harder for you. To be more careful so you didn’t have to worry as much. He would work himself down to the bone if it meant you would never have to feel this way again.
"I'm so sorry I scared you princess. I'll try to be more careful."
You smiled at him before stuffing your face back into his chest. "No you won't."
His lips parted in shock at your response.
You knew him too well. When he's in the heat of battle there is no stopping him. He's like a completely different person and if he has to take a risk to save someone's life you knew he would always do it without a second thought.
You knew exactly what you were getting into when you started dating him. That's why you always did your best to never get upset when he got hurt or did something stupid.
He couldn't find it in him to reply, he didn’t know what to say. You were right, he would probably do this again at some point. Of course he wasn’t planning to, but it was just in his nature, when the times called for dangerous plans and reckless actions- he had to do it. Otherwise how could he call himself a hero?
But- god did he hate worrying you. He hated when you would have to see him like this.
And that’s exactly why he needed to get stronger. The stronger he was then the less likely it was he would be hurt this bad again and finally his precious loved ones could live in peace.
Of course you had your fair share of worrying him. You could be pretty reckless too, but it was all a part of the job description. It was something you both had to learn to overlook, you loved each other enough to deal with the worry.
"I'm sorry for punching you." You muttered into his shirt after a while of silence. He was still petting your hair with his uninjured hand, it was comforting.
You heard him chuckle. "You should be, I knew you were getting stronger lately but ouch! You have one mean right hook on you." He joked, feeling happy when you laughed into his shirt.
Making you smile was always one of his top priorities. It was especially important if he was the reason you were sad in the first place.
When you lifted your head again, you rested your chin on his chest as you sent him a soft glare. "Yeah, so make sure you're more careful. I don't want to have to do it again."
"Trust me, I don't want to have to feel that again." He rolled his shoulder, the stinging still lingering. "But I did deserve it this time… I mean, what kind of boyfriend makes their girlfriend cry like that?"
Uh oh, it seemed he was starting to blame himself for everything. Typical izuku. But there was no way you were allowing this on your watch!
"The heroic kind?" You tilted your head. "I know I might have been upset but you still saved all those people and single handedly stopped the villain, right? Or at least that’s what the news reporters are saying. So Don't beat yourself up. You're a true hero."
His cheeks turned red as he shyly shifted his eyes away. You smiled when seeing him trying to hold back a smile and failing miserably. It was so adorable!
“For some reason, it always sounds more special when you call me that." He pressed a kiss to your forehead.
"A hero?"
He nodded, his eyes softening as your noses rubbed gently in a light eskimo kiss. "Thank you, honey. I promise, I'm going to get stronger for you. So you don't have to worry anymore."
Kirishima:
The blaring sound of sirens and flashing lights surrounded you as you finally made it onto the scene. They were slightly overwhelming you in your panicked state. This is the aftermath of what you had seen go down on tv, it was awful.. Much worse than what the cameras were able to show.
That only worried you more.
Right now, you were only looking for one guy. The same guy that had given you a million heart attacks in just one afternoon while simultaneously saving the day.
There were so many people around here you were worried it would take a lot longer than you anticipated to find him.
Everyone from pro heroes to police and ambulance crew were here. It was a pretty big crowd and it didn’t help that so many of them were rushing around.
You were careful not to get in their way, you didn't want to make things worse. From what it seemed the situation wasn’t great already and you were sure they wouldn’t appreciate a frantic person rushing around to find their boyfriend.
Honestly, you think it would be easy to spot bright red, spiky hair in a crowd, but nope.
You looked through every ambulance, you asked every pro hero you passed but you still couldn't find him and the worry was starting to grow, or well, more so than it was before.
You anxiously fiddled with your hands as you walked around calling out for him. Though it might be unlikely he would hear you over all the noise.
Walking around the scene alone with nothing but your thoughts to keep you company wasn’t helping either.
You remembered seeing the mass destruction of the villains quirk on Tv and your boyfriend was one of the heroes in the center of it all. That was the last thing you saw before the camera cut out and you rushed out of your shared home to run to his location. You had been happy to see it was over when you arrived. The villains had been successfully captured and locked away.
But where was Kirishima!?
Oh god, what if he was hurt!? What if he was trapped somewhere!? What if he was kidnapped or- worse! Maybe they already had to take him to hospital because he was so badly injured?!
Your thoughts were clouded with bad images and it made a lump rise in your throat. You felt your eyes stinging with tears and you had to shake your head to keep it together.
No, no. You've got to stay strong. Maybe he was just being seen by a doctor- you haven't checked everywhere yet. There was no need to worry!! But what if he-
"Hey babe! What are you doing he- oof." he was cut off as you instantly spun around at the sound of his voice and tackled him into a tight hug.
Though he was caught off guard he was able to catch himself, and you, from falling onto the ground.
He was surprised to look down and see you shaking as you buried yourself in his chest. He didn't know what to say, what had shaken you up this badly? His arms came around to encase you into a tight hug, maybe that was all you needed right now.
"I was watching on Tv and all I saw was you running in and then that big cloud of smoke. Then the camera went off and I assumed the worst. I know you can take care of yourself but-"
So that's what this was about? His chest began to ache at the thought of you being at home and having to helplessly watch something so scary.
His arms around you tightened. One hand holding your head to his chest as the other stayed on your waist.
It was as if he was trying to shield you from the rest of the world- and it was so comforting.
"Hey! Hey! It's ok. I'm fine. I appreciate the worry, and I'm sorry for scaring you like that." He pulled back just enough for you to be able to look up and see his smiling face. "But I'm ok! See? Only a few little scratches!" He reassured you before pulling you back into his tight embrace.
"Honestly? I would've done the same thing if I was in your position! I would've freaked out too, but you don't have to be scared anymore."
You clung onto him as if your life depended on it. You were filled with such relief that you weren't even sure you were crying from sadness anymore. It was more happy crying- happy that he was alive.
"Luckily for us, Everything went pretty well- though… I guess I was pretty reckless back there." He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.
You weren't sure what it was about his acknowledging that he was reckless but I sort of ticked you off. If he knew it was reckless then why did he do it!? He should've been more careful!! There were so many other pros on the scene!! Why did he try to take it all on alone!?
You pulled back from the hug and punched his arm.
"Wh-"
"Damn right you were reckless!! What were you even thinking!? You could've been seriously hurt!"
"But babe I-"
"No! Shut up!" You cut him off again by roughly grabbing his collar and pulling him down to meet your lips in a rough, heated kiss.
"You ever pull a stunt like that again you'll be in big trouble mister!" You glared up at him.
"O-ok." He blinked, completely dazed at what had just happened. All your emotions coming out in one big cluster and he couldn’t keep up.
You were happy he was alive and wanted to kiss him all over his stupid face but you always wanted to punch him again for scaring you like he did!
However, all kirishima could think about was that he found this assertiveness kind of hot.
You bit the inside of your cheek as you looked away from him when you realised he was no longer listening to you. He was staring at you with a dazed look, his cheeks were red and you could only wonder why he was thinking about it.
The way he was looking at you was making you blush.
"Did you even feel that punch?"
He snapped out of his thoughts and laughed at the question.
He swung an arm around you. "Not really, but that's not to say you're not strong. You're super strong! I just have a high pain tolerance is all!"
You smiled up at him, cupping his cheeks with your hands. "I know. I have such a strong and manly boyfriend." You gushed and his cheeks turned red. Once again your mood had changed. Today has been a crazy day for your emotions and you couldn't decide whether to be happy or mad at him.
"H-hah- b-babe not in front of the guys." He said from embarrassment.
“Huh?” you questioned, following his eyes and turning around to find kaminari and sero making kissy faces at him.
You laughed.
It was rare for him to get embarrassed, he wasn't someone who cared about pda. In fact, he was usually completely open with showing love and affection for you in public.
This was a rare, and very cute, side of him.
"Looks like you got told huh dude?" Sero laughed at him, having witnessed you scolding him.
"Oh don't even get me started on you two!" You sent them a glare which immediately prompted them to shut up. "I saw you both being just as careless back there!"
"Oh uh- well…" kaminari started as they both slowly backed away from you, you could see they regretted making their previous comments and decided to ditch before you scolded them too.
You laughed as you watched them go and turned back to Kiri who was staring at you with a goofy grin.
"Have you been checked over for injuries? Are you ready to go home."
"Oh I'm more than ready to go home." He muttered in a low husky voice. You blinked twice at the statement.
"Huh? What's that mean?- and what's with that face!?"
He stepped closer to you and swung an arm around your waist, pulling you in close and leaning down to mutter in your ear.
"You're kinda hot when you're mad."
#bnha scenarios#bnha scenario#bnha headcanons#bnha imagines#mha imagines#mha headcanons#mha x reader#bnha x reader#mha scenario#mha scenarios#katsuki bakugo imagine#bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#midoriya x reader#kirishima x reader#izuku x reader#izuku midoria x reader#bnha fanfiction#mha fanfiction
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A Cure for Insomnia CH 16
////TW SA mentioned/hinted at/// Depiction of a panic attack as well
The hospital was a buzz with energy, which was a bit weird considering how small the town was. Were there really this many patients today? You honestly didn't know, hell for the longest time you weren't even sure this was a hospital when you moved here.
That was changed recently, like very recent. Last night in fact when you had been forced awake by medical staff trying to determine your condition. That sadist doctor of yours kept a small smile on their face the entire time you groaned about wanting sleep. They had simply tutted at you saying you needed to be monitored for several hours before they could let you rest.
Thankfully you hadn't seen them today but it was only ten thirty. A lovely nurse had been checking in with you all morning, even before you woke up. He'd come in when you had buzzed after waking up in pain and given you a dose of your medicine through your IV drip. When you questioned him about where you were he seemed to still in concern. Worried that you hadn't remembered your accident that lead you here.
After assuring him and giving him a play by play of your day yesterday, giving him the assumed day, and answering who the current president was he let you off the hook. Mark, your nurse, had been very keen to tell you the Cowell family is in charge of your care and will be here later in the day to visit with you. Granted you actually feel up to visitors. Which you take as code for 'would you like me to deny visitors?'.
You let him know you'll be fine with visits after ten. Knowing full well how fast news can travel in the small town it's only a matter of time before a parade of Hornets meander through to check in on you. First you wanted to grab your bearings before being thrown to your overly concerned friends.
Or maybe they weren't overly concerned after all you did just experience a home invasion that left you hospitalized. Simply being concerned is a natural reaction to your situation. But your head hurts just thinking about anything right now. So, you'd like to take a moment for yourself, have a bit of time to process everything.
Either way you'd been right, news travels fast in this small town. Nearly all the lodge residents had been waiting for an hour to see you when ten rolled around. At ten on the dot Aubrey, Barclay, and Jake stormed into your room and surrounded you like piranhas in a frenzy. You looked towards Dani, Hollis, Kirby, and several other lodge staff members for help only to get small smiles and a shake of the head.
They wouldn't be helping you out of this anytime soon. You just had to endure the genuine concern and affection from your friends. Luckily for your splitting head the visit only lasts thirty minutes before everyone has to leave. Life still goes on even when a loved one is in the hospital. With several promises to return tomorrow and requests that you take it easy the rambunctious group was gone.
You relax into your bed before turning on the TV and finding something mind numbing to watch. The food network works! You hope Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives is in the roll today. You're in luck as it starts playing right after the commercials.
The voice of your doctor is getting closer to your room. Great if you weren't already upset by the atrocity happening with the pizza at that restaurant then you are surely in a sour mood now.
“Well sir we hope you can reason with the child. They have simply fought us each time we've brought up the tests. We'd say it was mildly impressive that they held such coherence last night, had it not been for the headache it has given us.”
Oh here we fucking go again.
“I don't need the tests.”
No one had made it through the threshold before you spoke. Everyone froze at your cold tone. Until the doctor makes a motion towards you.
“As you can see, they're very stubborn.”
“I'm not stubborn you're just not listening to me. I haven't had sex in a year so I don't need a pregnancy test and I just got bashed around last night. I don't need an invasive search done.” You ignore the Cowell family as you speak to the doctor, “I find it concerning how keen you are to do a rape test on me even though I've repeatedly told you I just got banged up in the scuffle. Nothing more.”
The doctor still has their small smile placed just ever so on their face. There's something really off about them. Even under normal circumstances you hate hospitals and doctors. Mainly because they never listen to you about your issues, something you know would be even worse if you had 'Autistic' labeled in a medical file. But something about this doctor seriously rubbed you the wrong way. Perhaps you two knew each other in previous life and it was coming back to bite you in the ass now.
“Doc, the kid says they don' need a test, then they don' need the test.” Big Jo says breaking the staring contest between you and the doctor as they slide their gaze away from you to look at Big Jo.
You take no little satisfaction from seeing their stupid smile finally leave their face. It isn't long before it's replaces and they bound over to you. Poking and prodding you, jabbing with a lot more force than they should need to. After a small adjustment to your IV they clear you for this check up and allow the Cowells to have their visit with you.
“Something's off about them.” you say cautiously after the family steps into the room.
Big Jo sighs, “Ye' but they took care 'o ya last night kid.” Ushering his family through he closes the door behind them only to turn back to you with a stern expression, “so ya better play nice with 'em got it?”
Fighting back the intense urge to roll your eyes you nod, before turning to Little Jo who's made her way over to your bedside in her hands several thick graphic novels. The same ones your store started to carry a few weeks back. Looking up from the books you see her watery and puffy eyes. What she takes from Big Jo in personality she takes from her mother in empathy.
“I-I-I yip-yip I thought yip you might get bored so I yup wanted to let you borr-yip-borrow these.”
When she places the books onto the small table beside your bed you can see the tremors that rake through her hands. Choosing not to comment or bring any attention on the tween's obvious nerves you settle for an ice breaker.
“Thanks, don't know how much more crimes against pizza I can stomach.” motioning to the TV where a man is making paper thin crust on pizza to have a pizza that cooks in a minute.
That's not pizza it's cooked cheese and tomato sauce with toppings. Not pizza at all.
Jo nods softly, her normal enthusiasm no where to be found today. A pang rips through your chest as you watch her eyes cast downwards. With no clue how to help her feel better you have to swallow the sigh in your throat to not make the air heavier than it already is. Dia and Big Jo aren't much help either when you spare them a glance.
Dia herself is wiping her eyes with a tissue and sniffles escape her every few seconds. Not much is different bout Big Jo, he may have more prominent eye bags today but you weren't going to judge him for not sleeping. Even under normal circumstances you didn't have ground to stand on. Mark mentioned Big Jo was the one who found you from what he'd over heard at the nurses' station this morning.
Knowing this made the foreboding feeling in your stomach grow. The way he's looking at you with his cold stoney stare-he's not even really looking at you more through you. But his stare pierces you and sends the pit in your stomach lower than you thought possible. If it wasn't so chilly in the room you'd probably be sweating right now.
“Dia, why don' ya take Josephine home.”
Hearing this you lift your hand up to Little Jo before she has a chance to scurry out of the room with her mother. She looks at your hand and then back to you before launching herself into you with a crushing hug. Gravity doesn't help your case as the child's entire weight is on your prone form, you hadn't sat up when they came into the room.
“Get better soon.” the pain was worth it to hear the small plea. She at least felt a little better if she could talk without her vocal tic interrupting her.
After you pat her on the back and promise to rest up she's out the door with her sobbing mother. It's a quiet few moments after the door shuts before Jo takes a step towards your bed. If the pit in your stomach went any lower you're sure you'd be able to see your insides. The hulking man takes a seat in the chair next to your bed sighing as he leans back rubbing his face.
“Tell me what happened kid.”
You relay the events of your day to him. How you and Toby had gone out of town for slushies, gotten caught in so much traffic that you felt it was a punishment from God himself. The funny feeling you had after dropping Toby off, the one that said just to go straight home. And how you had a feeling someone had just been in your home. You left nothing out about the altercation with ski mask. That wasn't saying much because you only remember the ski mask and how you tried to claw their face off. When Jo pressed you for a physical description you weren't any help. Having been too caught up in survival mode you only registered the stupid frowny face on the ski mask as being a key detail...but any fool could laser transfer a decal. And the same went for that painted mask, anyone could grab an art store face mask and block paint some black over the features.
Vaguely you recall them wearing a jacket. Had it been red, yeah like a burnt burgundy maybe? It wasn't a lot to go on and seemed to frustrate Jo even more, if the pinching of his nose was anything to go by.
“You are aware of the situation, yea?” his accent has dropped, he's speaking in a more neutral tone and inflection. This might be the most rattling moment of the week-and it's only Tuesday.
He isn't looking at you so you give a quiet 'yes sir' in response.
“Kid your car got broken into on my lot. Your home gets invaded and you get bashed around/ All this a few months after my other front end girlie disappears in the middle of the night.”
A lump forms in your throat at the mention of Bambi. You can see the pattern he's stringing together, honestly you saw it long before today. You'd just been sloppy and took too much time to gather evidence of your stalkers' existence. Bambi's disappearance wasn't voluntary and it looks like you may be next.
“Called Lydia already and we're upping the security at the cottage. Until I'm satisfied with the level of security you will be staying with us.”
“I co-cou” the lump was hard to speak around, “I can't impose like that, it's fine I'll-”
“You'll just what sleep in your car become an easier target? Go gallivanting to towns miles away where no one knows you.” his harsh words cause you to sputter, “For Christ's sake YN we don't know who we're dealing with right now!”
You don't make eye contact with Jo. You can't make eye contact he's raised his voice. You're lucky you're laying down or else you'd be rocking back and forth right now.
“Unless you have a clue who's out there and the police catch them, this decision is final. This isn't up for debate YN.” he finishes harshly
Even though he's finished you still can't look at him, your nerves are so shot and all you can do is bite your lip.
“Look I...I'd feel a lot more comfortable knowing you weren't out on your own while this gets handled. Josephine looks up to ya like an older sibling, she'd be crushed if you ended up like Bambi. Same goes for Dia. And I don't want that for my girls.” he says softly, “Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes sir.”
With that Jo leaves you in the room after informing you that they'd be back to check you out of the hospital tomorrow. And that you could expect a visit from Sheriff Owens at some point before then.
Even after Jo leaves it feels like someone has your heart in a vice. And every few beats they squeeze it, constricting the flow of freshly oxidized blood to your body. For good measure they try to yank the organ straight from your chest cavity but just end up bruising your rib cage.
Oh God you can't breathe, you're trying but you can't tell if you are or aren't anymore. The beeping of you heart monitor is increasing with each second. It's annoying ringing is too much and you need to rip the cords from you immediately. That just makes the ringing worse as it flat lines not finding any beating or rhythm under your skin.
Soon you're swarmed with a team of nurses trying to settle you down in your panic induced haze. Their grabbing hands and forceful touches burn your skin and light a fire that travels through your veins; and only serves to make you thrash more. Taking a swing at the nurse who holds a needle you continue your struggle against the other bodies holding you down as she stumbles away.
A few nurses rush in from the door to help her, not that you notice.
So many of the sounds are merging together and you can't understand anything. From the shrill beep of the heart monitor, the voices calling out at various pitches, footsteps. Everything forms into one gigantic frantic pitch in your already fried mind.
A growl rips through the room, you can feel the vibration of it all over you. Did that come from you?
In an instant all hands are off of your panting form and just before you can sit up a deep pressure is applied to your torso. Warmth seeps into you as the pressure lowers itself onto your body. Effectively ending your meltdown and lulling you into a dissociative state.
Floating is the only way you can describe it. The sensation of weightlessness and a gentle rocking caused by the adrenaline trying to defuse itself back into the body. Or the foggy haze that clouds your mind as you try to remember what just happened. Trying to rational the series of events and this outcome. But nothing comes to you except more brain fog. A confusing storm of frustration and vulnerability hits you. And you are left powerless to do anything. You can't kick your legs or scream as much as you want to.
The weight on top of you is forcing a calm to wash over you while the emotions inside wish to break free like a whirlwind. Your distress kick starting the whirlwind back up again only to die like a camp fire in a thunderstorm when you can't get any sort of momentum to your tantrum.
You can only loose yourself to the fogginess drifting further away from your psychical body. Completely unaware of the world around you as it washes away into nothingness.
When the floating feeling finally lifts you have to blink to shake off the remaining stupor. You're able to tell there is still a heavy weight on top of you but also something holding down your left hand. You turn away from the wall that you've been staring blankly at for hours, if your sore neck is anything to go by, and see Connor perking up at your movement.
“Hey bud,” you raise a hand to ruffle his ear and he lays his big head back onto your chest. “hey Tobes.” voice cracking as you greet the man you assume is holding your hand in a death grip, not once looking up from Connor.
There's a tight squeeze on your hand and you have to close your eyes and take a minute to collect yourself before turning to face him. The last thing you remember before drifting off was a group of nurses trying to sedate you. Having no clue what went on after that and when Toby came in you're preparing for the worst. Finally facing him you pause when you make eye contact.
“Jesus! What happened to-to-to you!?”
When you'd last seen him you'd dropped Toby off in the same shape you got him. Now he's sporting a heavily swollen black eye, one that looks pretty bade considering his nose bridge is also swelling a bit. It almost looks like it's pulsing. The dark purple bruise and deep red bleeding from under it to spread away from the injury is such a drastic contrast to his weirdly grayish complexion. You aren't sure if the black eye is actually that bad or if it just looks that way due to Toby's lack of melanin.
“Tim and I got into a fight.” his one good eye cuts to the side, “Barkclay had to split us up. Drove me here to get it checked out, it's fine.” He's dismissing it, they probably can't figure out if his eye really is fine right now, since he can't feel pain and that thing looks tightly swollen shut.
“Barclay.” is the only thing you can manage to say. Your brain wasn't prepared for most things right now and it's having trouble processing the gnarly injury mixed with complete nonchalance.
His lips pull back into a smile and not one you've seen from him before. Sure you've pulled a couple genuine mirth filled smiles out of him, or seen his teasing smirks, or bashful shy smiles when you've been out with others. But this smile, if you could even call it that-it was more like he was barring his teeth. Toby looked ready for another fight or like he was a feral predator about to rip out it's prey's jugular. There's a brief flash of a image that pops into your mind's eye, one of Toby's bloodstained face with this exact expression, teeth soaked red with blood and chunks of flesh in between . A chill runs through you at the thought. Had Connor not been laying on top of you, you would have shivered.
The instant you squeeze Toby's hand, the smile wipes off his face and he stares down at your interlocked hands. He returns the gesture before bringing his other hand over. Looking up at you through his eyelashes he flips your hand and when your expression doesn't change and you don't pull away he begins to play with your fingers.
“What was the fight about?”
“I don't have to answer that.” his tone is short and clipped.
You don't press the subject, obviously Toby doesn't want to talk about it. And you're fine with that, anyway if the fight was bad enough for Barclay to need to break it up and he drove Toby here you can assume Tim instigated and is probably getting kicked back out into the RV with no AC. As bad as it sounds you could care less. Toby's your friend not Tim, you only care if Toby's ok and while he may have a very fucked up eye in the future, right now he seems like normal Toby. A bit more irritated and on edge but that's normal after a stressful day. Hell you punched a nurse a few hours ago.
“What happened to you?”
There's a small part of you that wants to sass Toby, that you don't have to answer that. Thankfully the rational side reminds you that fight with a roommate is very different than having been beaten in a home invasion. Once again retelling your story but this time starting after you dropped Toby off. No need in going into as much detail as you went into with Jo or how much you'll need to go into with the sheriff. Toby's hands would grip yours tightly throughout your recounting. It's one of the reasons you didn't go into a ton of detail. Understanding your friend is barely holding on by a string on his good days you aren't about to load your stress along with his already eventful day.
“You can't stay there alone.” he says after you finish the recap.
“Uh duh? Like Jo's already ordered me under house arrest at his house.”
It's like the tension leaks out of him like air leaving a balloon with the way he deflates after you say that. His grip loosens on you hand and he goes back to idly playing with your fingers.
“Good...that's good.” he nods to himself.
In the silence of this hospital room with his service dog on you instead of attending to his clear anxiety ridden form, you realize Toby's a lot more caring than his exterior lets on. The brunette might not wear his heart on his sleeve but it's easy to see it once you know what you're looking for. In this moment as battered and bruised as he is, even the potential possibility of loosing function in his left eye, he's more concerned with you. Whether it's low self worth or just how he treats friends you'll have to find out later.
“Hey...Tobias, I'm here y'know?” you start to sit up waving off a pecking Connor. Once you're far enough up you retract from Toby's grip, which he does fight you on a little. And you reach out further to his bicep, you can't quite reach his shoulder in this position.
“I'm ok Tobes, I'm here.” for some reason 'Tobias' doesn't sound right for this moment.
Toby doesn't give much of a reaction which is fine since you weren't really expecting one. He places his hand over yours for a moment before bringing it back into his grip and fixates on playing with your fingers once again.
With a smile you go to pet Connor with you free hand, hoping Toby might shake himself out of this funk. After a bit of petting you grow restless with the lack of stimulation and ask Toby to pass you on of the graphic novels Little Jo left for you.
It's easier than you thought reading with one hand would be, especially since you can prop the book on Connor who doesn't seem to mind. Pup is resting across your legs now that both humans in the room are stable enough to function without his intervention.
When you finish the first book Toby speaks up, eye still focused on your hand in his. And you find out that although the series isn't his normal thing he did enjoy the art style and a few of the jokes. He waits for you to finish each book before talking more about them and the arc of the story they laid out. Opening up for the two of you to have a nice discussion on the fantasy game based series. It's honestly so much fun for you, where you lack in background awareness Toby is quick to fill you in and point out little ques the writers and artist dropped. In return you're right there explaining character motives and the subtle looks of a character's eyes.
It's a fun few hours before visiting hours are over. And Toby paused at the door before he left, he looked like he wanted to say something but held back. Just as he turned to leave you call out.
“Get home safe.” it's normally his line but you aren't going anywhere tonight.
“I will....get well soon. I'll see ya later.”
There's that awkward smile! You can barely contain the beaming one you sent him before he left. Despite being hospitalized for injuries sustained by a home invasion from your potential stalker...well plural now, you've had a pretty great day.
Fuck that sounds so bad. Should you feel guilty about forgetting your messed up circumstances? No, no everything is getting sorted out. If anything this is going along with your plans for Big Jo to help you out. This was more than enough evidence to prove that you aren't just paranoid. And you're about to have a safe place to hang while this all gets settled.
The fact that you got injured is less than ideal but this is what you get for being sloppy and unfocused.
You have a lot of faith in your boss, you know this will be dealt with. Thinking back to everyone who came to see you today...you just hope everyone can be as confident as you are that this will all end soon.
#a cure for insomnia#ticci toby#ticcitoby#ticci tobyx reader#ticci toby x reader#tobias erin rogers#Timothy Wright#timothy wright x reader#timothy wright x brian thomas#Brian Thomas#brian thomas x reader#masky x reader#creepypasta fanfic
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this will sound weird but whatever (pt 1); i did drivers ed last year and on the second day of the class we watched a 15 minute documentary about driving accident victims... except it was the ones who didn’t survive (we watched 15 minutes of people being pulled out of their cars some were kids- i saw a PERSON’S ORGANS ON THE ROAD—) and now i have ptsd from it and can’t sleep at night if i think a single thought about it, and don’t get me started on driving with my sisters in the car
I didn't actually go through drivers ed, but it's tradition for my dad to make my siblings and I look at pics of texting and driving victims as soon as we get our licenses, so I've seen more than my fair share of organs and stuff.
Also, there are so many 1A boys, so I'm gonna do just a few. If you want others, hmu for a part 2!
Warning: cussing, gore, non-graphic panic attack
Bakugou Katsuki
You were working on getting your driver's license when your parents made you watch a video of the result of texting and driving. You immediately called him in tears
At first, he didn't understand why you were freaking out over a stupid video
It's not like you saw it in person, so what did it matter?
He wasn't great at comforting you until he saw the video for himself
He'd seen some shit before, but this was on a whole new level. The victim's organs were visible, for fuck's sake!
Shaken, he made his way to your room and held you for the rest of the day
He'd kill you if you ever told anyone, but he apologized to you for assuming you were weak for being affected
From then on, he took extra care to check in on you if things got rough during training or your work study
Kirishima Eijirou
The two of you were paired up for patrol during your work study when you heard tires screeching and a huge crash. Without hesitation, you both ran to the scene
You got there just after some support heroes, so you decided to stay out of the way and observe - it's an educational opportunity! However, the education didn't last long
While one of the support heroes was trying to pull a child from the wreckage, all that came out was an arm. You instantly gripped Eijirou's arm and stifled a gasp. Your heart was racing, and your breath kept catching in your throat
Your panic tore him from his own, and all that was left was to comfort you. He guided you away from the scene and back to Fatgum's agency, where he got permission to take you home early
He pampered the hell out of you and kept your curious classmates at bay. He also made sure to keep you far away from car accidents after that
Todoroki Shouto
He knew you'd been in a bad car accident not long before starting at UA, but he had no idea how bad it was, and he didnt want to push
He only found out when he was sleeping over in your dorm and you bolted awake, sweating and shaking like a leaf. He was no stranger to trauma-induced nightmares, so he knew exactly how to calm you down
Once you were (almost) back to normal, he gently asked you to explain the cause of your nightmare
Hearing about your awful experience shattered his heart. When you'd mentioned that your older sibling died, he didn't think you witnessed it, let alone saw things that would drive seasoned pros to insanity
He praised you on your strength and endurance, then all but begged you to come to him for support whenever you needed to. After all, he loved you to death, and any good relationship thrived on mutual support
#bakugou katsuki#bakugou x reader#kirishima eijirou#kirishima x reader#todoroki shouto#todoroki x reader#bnha#bnha x reader#boku no hero academia#mha#mha x reader#my hero academia
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When I Fell Overboard [Chapter Two: Sage & Raspberry Tea]
Read on ao3
Synopsis: Sebastian struggles with his relationship with Maru as she strives to get close to him. Meanwhile, he and Elliott get closer and closer.
Trigger warnings: Panic attacks, fighting, snapping, potentially unsympathetic Robin, crying, food mention, let me know if I missed anything please
Rain pounded on the thin roof. Sebastian pressed his face to the pillow, not wanting to open his eyes. He was so comfortable. The air was cold, the blanket was thin, and he couldn’t stop shivering, but he didn’t want to move. There was a smell that engulfed him, like parsley and sage, and fresh raspberry tea.
A cold draft swept through the cabin. Sebastian curled tighter and cracked his eyes open, only to jerk upright. Elliott had fallen asleep at his desk, the oil lamp illuminating his pronounced features. His long auburn hair fell in cascades down his shoulders, over the desk. It looked so soft.
Shit. Shit. He’d stolen this man’s bed.
He got to his feet and found his shoes, quietly lacing them up. He flicked up his hood and cautiously approached Elliott. He snored when he slept. Cute.
“Elliott,” he whispered, shifting uncomfortably. He hated waking people up. People got angry when they were woken. “Elliott, you should get in bed.”
“Hm?” He brushed his hair out of his face and settled more comfortably on the desk, humming.
Sebastian hesitated, then grabbed his shoulder and gently shook him. Elliott’s eyes cracked open. He smiled.
“Oh, Sebastian.” He slowly sat up and stretched, a yawn forcing its way past his lips. “Mm, you’re awake. How are you feeling?”
“Better,” Sebastian admitted. If only he wasn’t so fucking cold. “But I’m sorry for taking your bed.”
He waved his hand. “Nonsense, I insisted. Oh, you’re shivering! Let me get you one more cup of tea before you leave, okay? Give you time to wake up, too.”
Sebastian blushed. “Are you sure?” He asked as Elliott crossed into the kitchen. “You’ve already done so much—”
“Please.” He smiled, half in the kitchen and half in the cabin. “It’s the least I could do in exchange for some lovely company.”
Sebastian sat in Elliott’s abandoned writing chair—just plain wood, pretty uncomfortable—and nodded. Elliott came back a few minutes later with a steaming mug and a green wool blanket. He handed Sebastian the mug and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders.
“There you go.” Elliott picked his hairbrush up off the desk and sat on his bed as he began methodically bringing it through his long hair.
Sebastian watched his hands move, that and the tea and Yoba this blanket smelled like him too, almost lulling him back to sleep.
“What time is it?” He asked.
“Almost midnight.”
“Shit,” he mumbled. “Mom’s gonna be pissed.”
Elliott raised an eyebrow. “You are an adult, Sebastian. You’re allowed to stay out as late as you want.”
Sebastian looked up in surprise. “What? No! I mean, yeah, obviously, just…”
“Just what?”
“Nothing. She just gets worried.”
“Well, I can’t say that’s unjustified. You did sleep for a long time. If you don’t mind me asking…” He hesitated.
Sebastian gestured. “Just say it.”
“What triggered the attack? I haven’t seen one that bad in years.”
Sebastian shifted uncomfortably. “Uh… I got in a fight. With my sister, and Mom.”
“Maru?”
“Mhm.”
“What were you fighting about?”
He wet his lips. He busied himself with sipping at his tea until half of it was gone, scalding his throat. He could use a cigarette, but he didn’t want to smoke in Elliott’s cabin without permission. “It’s dumb.”
“It upset you,” he pointed out. “How could that be dumb?”
Because I’m dumb. “It just was. It was a stupid joke, she didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I have a hard time believing you’re giving me all the details,” he said softly, “but I won’t pry.”
Sebastian hesitated, then stumbled through a, “Thank you, um… for the- for the help. It was… I mean, that was more than… Thanks.”
“It was a pleasure, Sebastian. I’m glad you’re feeling better. You’ll let me loan you an umbrella for the walk home?”
Sebastian finished his tea and set the mug on the desk. “You really don’t have to do that.”
“Who said I did? I want to.”
Elliott and Sebastian had barely said two words to each other before now. The most they saw each other was at Pierre’s and festivals. The last one, the luau, Sebastian spent the whole of it avoiding everyone while Elliott talked up as many people as he could. Elliott somehow always arrived late to that one, forgetting the date until he stepped right into it. He was both nothing like Sebastian expected, and exactly what he expected.
He was softer. Kinder. Less absorbed with himself. Sebastian had a bad habit of assuming the worst in people; when he saw Elliott, he saw an overdramatic airhead. Guilt settled in his stomach like bile. He was probably the nicest man in Pelican Town.
“I should get going.” Sebastian stood, draping the blanket over the back of the chair.
Elliott nodded. He picked up an umbrella from the corner of the cabin and held it out. Sebastian reached out to take it, only for Elliott’s other hand to close around his.
“About what happened with Maru,” he said softly, and Sebastian stared at him with wide eyes, “you should be a little kinder to yourself. You’re allowed to have feelings.”
Butterflies fluttered in Sebastian’s stomach. He swallowed as Elliott took his hand back, and all the electricity with it.
“I’ll try,” he lied.
Elliott walked him out, and Sebastian raised the umbrella. It wasn’t too terribly windy, so he was able to hold it with one hand and smoke a cigarette with the other. He held it between two fingers, closing his eyes as his sneakers clacked over the cobblestone bridge.
Why was he disappointed to leave? Sure, he was pleasantly surprised about the type of person Elliott turned out to be—but missing him? They just met, really. And what was there to miss? All Sebastian did was steal his bed.
Sebastian kicked a rock. You stole his bed. He stomped out his cigarette and dropped his face in his free hand. Idiot.
There was something about when Elliott touched him—Elliott was so free with his touches, who was like that?—that made everything quiet. His heartbeat sped up, his cheeks flushed, his mind blanked. Was he really that pathetic? Getting all gay over a few small touches?
And for Elliott. Sebastian was never sure about his sexuality, never really cared much, but if he ended up liking guys he certainly never expected them to be like Elliott. There wasn’t really anyone in Pelican Town he could imagine himself with. The only people he even respected were Sam and Abigail, and maybe Abigail would’ve been the perfect fit if—if what? That was always the question mark. If what? He guessed it might be if she were a guy.
Was he really gay?
He shook his head. One night and he was questioning his entire non-existent sexuality.
When he arrived home, he opened the door as quietly as possible, closing the umbrella and shaking it off outside. He wiped his feet on the mat and when the lights came on, he jumped ten feet in the air.
“Sebastian.” His mom came over and gripped his shoulders, looking him all over. “Do you have any idea what time it is? What’s the matter with you, scaring us like that?!”
“He’s home?” Maru called from her room. The door opened and her footsteps rushed out.
Sebastian scowled and looked away. “Yeah, I’m alive,” he snapped. “And I’m fine. Can I just go to my room?”
“Why do you have to be so hostile all the time?” Mom asked in exasperation. “You scared me sick and here you are, still snapping at me.”
Maru sighed and leaned against the wall.
He didn’t realize until now, but he was still mad about this morning. He’d forgotten.
“Do we have to talk about it again?” He asked, shoulders slumping. “I get it. I can’t take a joke. I sleep too much. I’m sorry, okay? Am I good to go?”
Mom frowned deeply. “Sebby…”
He sighed and slipped away from her, passing Maru on his way to the basement. He descended down the steps and half-slammed his bedroom door closed, turning the lock even though no one had ever come after him. Well, if the door was loud enough, Demetrius might come down to scold him. Whatever.
He sat at his computer and pulled on his headset. It was close to one by now, but he wasn’t sleepy. He might as well get some work done. He put on some music and brought up his latest project, working through the code slowly and meticulously.
About a half hour later, someone knocked at his door. It took a minute or two of them knocking for him to even realize, pulling his headset off and listening with a frown and drawn brows until they knocked again.
He grimaced and went over to pull open the door.
Maru stood there, her deep brown skin flushed a russet red in the cheeks, lip worried between her teeth.
“Can we talk?” She asked.
Sebastian hesitated. “Sure. What is it?”
She waited, he wasn’t sure what for. He gestured for her to get on with it. She rolled her eyes and stamped her foot—and they call me childish—then said, “I just think we should be done fighting, okay? It’s starting to affect Robin and Dad.”
Sebastian kept his expression blank, hiding a frown. “What do you mean?”
“I heard them talking, after you left. You’re stressing them out, Sebastian. We’re stressing them out.” Then, she said with a hint of arrogance, “And I don’t think that’s fair to them. Do you?”
He scowled. “Of course not.”
“So…” She gestured to him.
“What?” He asked in annoyance.
She sighed again, hard. “I’ll go first, then. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about the jokes and whatever else set you off. And I’ll try to—”
“Listen?” He asked harshly.
“Yes, actually. I’ll try to listen more.”
He shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, okay. I mean, I’ll believe it when I see it, you know.”
“Right. And?”
“And…” He crossed his arms, looking away. “I’m sorry, too,” he mumbled.
“What was that?” She grinned.
He glared. “Fuck off, Maru!”
“Yoba, we’re off to a bad start. I’ll be quiet this time, I promise.”
“I’m sorry for snapping,” he snapped. “Are we good?”
“Yeah. See you tomorrow, Seb- Sebastian.”
He faltered. “Uh— Yeah. Goodnight.”
She left. The door clicked closed softly. His hand hovered over the lock, then left it. He plopped back in his chair.
What was that?
He didn’t get to bed until eight a.m., when everyone else was waking up. He laid under the covers with burning eyes as laughter echoed from upstairs. They were eating breakfast together, no doubt. If Sebastian went up there, would they ask him to join?
No. They probably wouldn’t.
He curled in on himself and closed his eyes. He never realized how bad his room smelled. What did he have to do to get it to smell like sage and raspberry tea? And what did he have to do to be a part—
No. That was not what he wanted.
He thought back to the hand closed over his, the umbrella underneath. It was so warm. When was the last time he held someone’s hand? He loved Abigail and Sam, but they weren’t super touchy-feely. The only time Abigail offered physical affection was during comforting, and Sam was uncomfortable with it full stop. Sebastian’s skin tingled. He craved a body beside him and he didn’t know why. Why did he crave it like he was starved for it? Why did he wonder if he could even go on if he didn’t get a hug right that instant?
His eyes watered. Stupid. He was so pathetic, a baby. A hug was really what broke him? The nail in the coffin of his mental state?
What would it be like to hug Elliott? To bury his face in his neck, rest his head on his broad chest? His arms wrapped tight around his frame, Sebastian’s arms wrapped around him?
Stop. Stop being creepy. Stop.
Sebastian buried his face in the pillow. What was wrong with him? He wasn’t sure what made him so awkward, so weird, so rude, so creepy, but he hated it. He hated who he was. And for some reason the only thing he could imagine could make him feel better was a hug he was never going to get.
I'll post the next chapter once I get one (1) comment <3 reblog please
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A Well-Known Fact
Word Count: 8610
Warnings: Janus kinda freaks out when Roman gets mad, but... I think that’s about it? It’s sorta described as a panic attack so. Look out for that.
So, um, this was just an excuse to write Janus-centric fluff, umm.... enjoy?
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A well-known fact about Janus: he is cold-blooded. Or, at least, he thought it was well-known. Remus has known for quite some time, and he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. And whenever Janus was around the others in the Mindscape, he was always somewhere warm, be it under a blanket, by a fire, or near warmed up electronics.
He hadn’t considered that even the most observant of them would fail to observe this.
So now, here he was, trying to figure out how to explain it while Patton kept grabbing his hands, trying to warm them up.
“It really isn't a big deal, Patton. This is just the way I function.”
Patton frowned.
“Sorry kiddo, but no. Virgil runs cold, and he’s warmer than you. Have you been in the Imagination? Are you feeling okay?”
Janus sighed as Patton led him to the couch and threw a blanket over him.
“Yes, I have, and yes, I’m feeling fine. I’m not joking, this is literally how I function.”
Patton huffed.
“You are aware I’m cold-blooded, right?” Janus waved away the hot cocoa the other had made.
“I- what? What do you mean?”
Janus really didn’t want to have to explain this. In all honesty, it was a little embarrassing. He could handle the frightened glances at his scales and his eye, and his forked tongue and his lisp. They were part of his snakelike appearance, and he could easily shapeshift them away if he wanted to.
But his cold-bloodedness? That was something that he couldn’t change, that proved he was inhuman.
And of course it had to be Patton Dad Popstar Morality Sanders that he was explaining it to. He had nothing against Patton, however he was aware of the moral side’s squeamishness. Not only was he morality, but he was also Thomas’ emotions. And Janus was almost certain that the side that had screamed at cartoon spiders would find his inhumanity disturbing, or at the very least frightening.
“I don’t function the same as you, and the others. My body can’t regulate my temperature. I was in the Imagination today, and Roman and Remus tend to keep it cold and rainy during fall, so it makes sense that I’d be a little colder than usual.”
Patton didn’t seem frightened, just… startled.
“How does that work? We’re not real. Well, of course we’re real but… we don’t have like… physical bodies? So how do you get all cold n’ stuff?”
Janus shrugged.
“I don’t know. Just happens. I’ve gotten used to it after all these years. As long as I go under my heat lamp for a while every day during the fall and winter, I’m fine.”
Patron huffed.
“Well, that’s no good! You can’t be locked up in your room all the time just ‘cause you’re chilly!” Patton threw another throw blanket over him.
“When Roman gets back I’ll ask him to put a lamp in here, if that’s okay.” He smiled widely.
“Uh- yeah, um that’s-that’s fine.” Janus accepted the cocoa and snuggled into the blankets.
That had gone… well. Too well. Was he just pretending? Patton didn’t like lying, he knew that, but he’d seen him repress several times, so hiding discomfort was a strength of his.
Janus eyed him warily.
“You’re not… upset?”
Patton’s eyes widened.
“Oh, Jam, did you not tell me ‘cause you thought I’d be weird about it? Of course I’m not upset! When Virgil started hanging out with us we had to make a few adjustments to make him more comfy, and we’re more than willing to do the same for you!” Patton gripped one of Janus’ hands in his own, rubbing the back with his thumb.
“Oh. Uh, thanks.”
Patton grinned.
“Of course, kiddo! I was gonna make some cookies, do you wanna help decorate them once you’ve warmed up some?”
Janus felt a ‘no’ at the tip of his tongue, but then Patton looked up at him with his signature puppy eyes, and Janus couldn’t have said no if he’d tried.
“Yes, I’d love that.”
Patton squealed.
“Alrighty! I’ll go get them started then! Lemme know if you need anything!” He bounced up from the couch, planting a kiss on Janus’ head before skipping into the kitchen.
The next person he told was Roman. He’d been expecting it, as a request for a heat lamp would probably seem pretty odd.
Roman had come into the commons while Janus had been basking. Which, in all honesty, just meant he was lying under the heat lamp and playing on his phone while Patton cooked dinner. The prince had walked right over, sat beside him, and stayed there for a few minutes.
“Okay, I don’t get it.”
Janus rolled his eyes.
“Don’t get what?”
“Why you wanted this put in? It’s not really that great. Actually, it’s a little uncomfortable.” Roman moved to sit on the couch.
“What does it matter to you?” Janus hissed.
God damnit Patton was looking at him all disappointedly.
“Kiddo..”
Ughhhh not with that voice, he can’t do that, that’s unfair.
“Imcldbldd”
“What?”
“I’m cold blooded.”
Roman froze for a second.
“What the fuck, Jan?”
Patton kept a close eye on the two, sending a worried glance in Janus’ direction.
“It’s totally my fault, I obviously chose to be Deceit.”
“No, fuck, not like… I meant that I’ve literally dragged you into the cold, rainy imagination for adventures and you didn’t fucking say anything?” Roman looked furious.
Janus’ eyes widened. That’s what he was upset about? Not the fact that Janus, a master of deception and an embodiment of lies was literally cold blooded, but the fact that he’d never complained about it?
“Oh, please do act like you wouldn’t have flipped out if I’d told you before all of… this.”
Janus curled in on himself a little more.
“Before the Melding? Yeah. But it’s been cold out for weeks. And you’ve been into the Imagination like… every few days, and that’s just with me! I have no clue how many times Remus has dragged you out there!” Roman was back beside Janus again, and holy shit was he angry, he’s angry, hurt, he might hurt you-
Patton.
“Hey, Roman, kiddo, can you come help me over here?” Janus mimicked Patton’s voice, and placed in just right so it would bounce off the walls correctly.
Roman got up, his eyes still filled with fire.
“We are not done talking about this. As soon as I’m done helping him, I’m coming right back here.”
Janus took the chance to sink into his room and lock the door. Now that he’d slowed down, thought it through a bit, he regretted it. But… he was self-preservation. As good as Virgil was at keeping Thomas out of dangerous situations, Janus would always have a little bit of that fight or flight response built into him. He didn’t cause it, but, clearly, he responded to it, whether he liked it or not.
Knocking, now there was knocking at the door. He took a deep breath. Roman wouldn’t hurt him. He was safe around Roman.
He opened the door, and Roman pushed past him, sitting on his bed. Janus slowly moved to sit across from him.
“Okay, one, was there any particular reason you rushed out?” Roman looked concerned, now, but still so mad.
“You just… scared me.” Ugh, what was he doing?
It had been a rhetorical question, this was stupid. He was supposed to keep feelings like these ones hidden. It was what he’d decided on ages ago. What was he doing?
“I.. okay, one sec. No. I am not mad at you for being cold blooded. I am upset that you didn’t tell me before I brought you into situations that could’ve hurt you.” Roman set his hands on Janus’s arms, lightly rubbing them with his thumbs.
“It’s not life-threatening. Nor is it threatening at all. I just get a little… uncomfortable.”
Roman looked crestfallen.
“Jan, you of all sides should know that your safety and comfort is, and always will be more important than whatever adventure I go on, or whatever story I tell. I need you to tell me if something could put your health, physical or mental, at risk, okay?”
Janus felt like he was going to cry. Which was strange, as he hadn’t cried since they were little. He nodded softly, the lump in his throat stopping any words he might have said.
“C’mere,” Roman pulled him into a hug.
He squeezed tightly before pulling back, wiping a tear from Janus’ face.
“Roman, Janus! Dinner’s ready!” Patton called.
Roman lifted an eyebrow at Janus, to which he let out a small laugh and shook his head. Roman grinned, then stood up and offered Janus his hand.
“Thank you.” The words were thick and dripping with way more meaning than was required for a hand up, but, well…
It looked like Roman understood.
Next was Logan.
Logan had approached him and asked if it would be okay if he asked Janus a few questions. As much as Janus didn’t want the others dabbling in his business, Logan had seemed so excited, which was a rare occurrence as of lately. So he let himself be lead into Logan’s room, sitting on his bed as Logan took a seat at his desk.
“So, it has come to my attention that you are ectothermic?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I believe Roman used the term cold-blooded?” Logan grabbed a lemon yellow notebook from a drawer, along with a pen.
“Mm. Yes, that I am.”
Logan flipped the book open and began writing.
“Fascinating! It had not occurred to me that this was even possible, what with us being projections of light while being on the physical realm. Does it affect you while in the physical realm and the mental realm?” Logan’s eyes sparkled.
“Yes, and it carries over between the realms.” Janus supposed he should feel like Logan was invading but… something about Logan’s analytic speech patterns made it seem less invasive.
“Mm… and I believe Roman also mentioned the Imagination affecting you more than our rooms and commons?”
“No, it’s not that the Imagination affects me more, it’s that right now the twins have made a point of keeping the Imagination cold for fall.” Janus couldn’t help it if his voice turned a little bit exasperated.
“Ah, yes, that would make much more sense. Have you any idea why you’re ectothermic?” Logan continued carefully writing in his notebook.
“Remus said at one point it might be due to my animal being a snake, but I don’t think that’s it. The scales and tongue are simply my appearance.” Janus fidgeted with his gloves.
“So you cannot shapeshift it away?”
“Mm, no. I must say it is incredibly irritating impersonating you, or Patton for that matter. Your short sleeves are horribly uncomfortable.” He smirked, moving so he was sitting criss cross on the bed.
“Well, it is incredibly irritating being impersonated, so perhaps it makes up for itself.” Logan glared at Janus for a moment, and he returned it.
Janus started softly laughing.
“Don’t laugh over my intimidating glare, it makes it seem insincere.” Logan’s voice kept an edge, but his eyes were smiling.
“Of course, Oppy, I would never even think of it.” Janus purred.
“Oppy? As in, the Opportunity rover?” Logan raised an eyebrow at Janus.
“Yes, I heard you had quite an attachment to her.” Janus smiled.
“I- um, yes, I suppose I did enjoy gathering information on the rover. The team that worked on her-it- had some interesting experiences during its mission. It supposedly lasted 50 times longer than they expected it to, and-“ Logan paused.
“I apologize, that was not your reason for being here. I will refrain from… rambling.”
Janus frowned a little.
“I wouldn’t mind veering off topic. Besides, it’s not like I’ve got anything else to do.”
Logan paused, his face blank, as if he was rebooting.
“I… okay. May I ask another question?” Logan tapped his pen against his notebook.
Janus gestured for him to continue.
“While I do enjoy the topic of the Mars rovers, I am a little confused as to what resemblance you see between them and myself.”
Janus smiled.
“Well, for one thing, robots are your thing. I may not have been present during Thomas’ puppet fiasco, but I did catch wind that you changed your appearance to match a robot rather than a puppet.”
“Oh, it was a puppet. I had not had enough time to plan and create a robotic body for myself, so it was merely a puppet shaped like a robot.”
“Yes, yes, of course. But besides that, you do remind me of those excitable lab robots who are simultaneously amazingly intelligent, kind, and assholes.”
That startled a laugh out of Logan, to which Janus held back a grin.
“Ah, thank you, I’ll make sure to write that down.” Logan bit back a smile, closing his notebook and placing his pen in its holder.
“If you… wanted to, I would not object to learning more about the Mars rovers.” Janus coaxed Logan a little, smiling when he saw his eyes light up.
“Oh! Yes, of course! The Mars rovers, affectionately nicknamed the “Adventure twins,” Spirit and Opportunity, landed on Mars on January 3rd and 24th, 2004 on a 90-day long mission, but they both lived well beyond that time. Opportunity, specifically, spent 15 years on Mars, collecting data that has proved that Mars could have sustained microbial life.” Logan tapped his hands on his legs as he spoke.
Janus asked questions every now and again, and Logan answered with a small smile and a light in his eyes. It was great to see Logan ramble without caution, much like when they were kids.
When Logan had finished, he seemed to be in an even better mood than before. His hands continued tapping, and Janus could see him fighting back a smile.
“While I have you here, Janus,” Logan glanced to the side for a moment, then nodded his head and continued, “Patton and Roman wanted me to ask you if you would accompany us at “family movie night” this Friday. Do not feel inclined to participate, I understand if it would be too much, as you are not one for social events, but if you would like to come, the invitation is there.” He bit his lip gently as he ended, glancing up at Janus.
“While I would love to, I’m not sure everyone would be as comfortable as they would prefer to be if I were there.” Janus’ tone held a pinch of remorse.
“If you are referring to Virgil, we talked to him beforehand and he stated that he would not be opposed to you joining us.” Logan seemed to be bargaining in some small way.
Janus nearly laughed.
“I’ll consider it, then.” He stood up and smiled at Logan and watched as the teacher startled, turning away a bit.
“Yes, that is… satisfactory.”
“And Logan, do-“ Janus’ voice abruptly cut out.
“Janus? Are you alright?” Logan leapt to his feet, placing a hand on Janus’ arm.
“Ye-“ It didn’t hurt, oddly enough.
He just couldn’t speak? Realization flooded Logan’s eyes, and he led Janus out of his room and into the commons, sitting them down on the couch.
“Are you alright now? It seems my room began to cut off your… backwards speaking. As well as lying.” Logan kept his hands on Janus’ elbows.
“I’m fine.” Janus smirked as Logan’s eyes narrowed.
“Communicate a falsehood, please.”
“My my Logan, whatever has drawn you to the dark side?” Logan rolled his eyes affectionately at Janus’ teasing.
“Janus.”
“Fine. Mmm… You enjoy nearly all jelly brands, other than Crofter’s.” Logan levelled him with a glare, causing Janus to cackle.
“Why must you hurt me like this?” Logan asked, his face completely devoid of emotion.
Janus' laugh rang loud and clear, and Logan grinned, for just a moment. He let his hands move to Janus’, squeezing them gently.
“You must be more careful in the future; spending too long in my room could permanently alter your function.”
Janus lifted Logan’s hands to his mouth, kissing them gently.
“Don’t worry your pretty head about it, sweet Logic. I’m fine.”
Logan went pink, breaking eye contact with Janus.
“Well, caution will do no harm to anyone. Please tell me if you begin feeling different while in my room, okay? You would do the same in Patton or Virgil’s, would you not?”
“Of course. I’ll tell you in the future, promise.” Janus rubbed his thumbs over Logan’s hands.
Logan threw him one last glance, then sighed and nodded. He pulled his hands away, adjusting his glasses.
“I should return to my work. Thomas has a brainstorming session with Joan soon that I must prepare for.” Logan stood up, adjusting his tie.
“Have you bored of my company?” Janus smirked.
“Oh, shush,” Logan smiled back, pressing a soft kiss to Janus’ cheek. “I’ll see you at dinner tonight.”
Janus let out some sort of squeak which Logan seemed to take as affirmation, as he returned to his room.
He should probably have felt a little irritated that Logan would do that and then run off but… when he blushed pretty like that? Janus couldn’t find it in himself to care.
Virgil had already known. Janus had told him long before the Melding, way back when Virgil had still ID’d as a “Dark Side.” He’d actually been the first person Janus had told.
They’d been about twelve, when Virgil had only been around for a short while. He’d walked into Janus’ room during one of Janus’ cold spells, when he’d had several blankets piled on him, and was shaking like a jackhammer.
Virgil had run in, asking what was wrong. Janus had, begrudgingly, explained what had happened, and Virgil had gone quiet. He’d lifted the blankets, sitting beside Janus and cuddling him as he warmed up. He’d been the one to suggest the heat lamp, and Janus would forever be in his debt for it.
Now, Janus sat on the floor with a heavy blanket draped over him as they watched Hercules. The four lovebirds were cuddling on the couch, Roman loudly belting out I Will Go the Distance. Patton was giggling, singing along to the parts he knew as Logan and Virgil watched on with endearment.
Janus couldn’t help but feel like a fifth wheel. Remus had decided not to join them that night, so Janus felt a bit invasive. Virgil continuously glanced over at him, as if ensuring that Janus wouldn’t ruin anything. The others also kept looking over to Janus, though it was decidedly for different reasons.
Patton seemed nervous, and Roman was trying to convince Janus to sing with him. Logan just seemed fond.
Janus tried his best to keep his attention on the movie, but it was hard when he continuously caught them looking at him out of the corner of his eye. At one point, Patton had gotten up to refill their popcorn, and had run a hand through Janus’ hair as he passed. Janus tried not to lean into it too obviously, but he’d practically purred at the gesture.
Virgil had glanced over to him, and Janus had caught his eye. He… he didn’t seem mad, or even upset. Just… nervous. It was the same way he looked before Thomas performed, or asked a cute boy out.
Janus and Virgil had at least been on talking terms for a while, so… what was that about?
The movie finished, and they voted on the next movie. Roman tried to rig the vote for Moana, but Janus immediately caught it and reversed the rig so it would favour Big Hero 6, Logan’s requested movie. Roman picked the paper from Janus’ hat and gawked as Janus snickered to himself on the floor. Virgil and Logan helped Roman move on from his mourning as Patton giggled and raised an eyebrow at Janus.
Janus shrugged, his signature gesture for “Yeah, I fucked with it, what can ya do?”
About halfway through the movie, Janus began to grow cold. As he noticed his shivering, he placed a gentle mirage over himself so the others wouldn’t notice. It wasn’t to the point where he was in any danger, barely any discomfort, and the movie would be over soon, so he could just leave his heat lamp on as he slept. Virgil frowned at him, and Janus froze.
There was no way he could see through the mirage. Janus had been very careful while placing it. Virgil, especially, shouldn’t have noticed it. As anxiety, mirages worked quite well on him.
“Hey. You’re cold. Come here.” Virgil spoke softly, but sternly.
Janus huffed.
“I’m fine. I simply forgot to bask earlier. I’ll survive until the movie’s done, I assure you.” Janus hugged his blanket a little closer.
“Don’t care. C’mere.”
Janus warily eyed Virgil, who moved over on the couch to make room for Janus between himself and Patton. He carefully made his way over, sitting down between the two of them and doing his best not to touch either of them too much. His efforts were immediately negated, as Patton cuddled up next to him as soon as he sat down.
He had to admit, it was very nice to be cuddling someone again. Especially Patton, who ran the warmest out of all of them.
Virgil also leaned into him, resting his head on Janus’ shoulder and turning his attention back to the movie. Janus slowly felt himself warming up as he grew more comfortable in the cuddle pile. Roman leaned over and took one of his hands, rubbing it with his thumb.
Janus felt like he was about to melt. Not literally, of course. He was quite comfortable in his position. No, he was going to melt as in there were so many warm, fuzzy feelings welled up inside him that he was sure they would start oozing out of him if he weren’t careful.
Virgil’s hands slipped around Janus’ waist, pulling him somehow even closer. Roman sighed happily as Virgil began softly purring, his eyes closed. The movie was nearly forgotten by all except Logan, who was completely fixated on it, muttering to himself quietly.
“What’re you thinking, Specs?”
Logan blinked, turning to Roman as he processed the question.
“My apologies, I didn't mean to interrupt the movie.”
“Mm, nope. No apologizing. What’s up?” Virgil blinked open an eye, glancing at Logan.
“I was merely wondering the logistics of the microbots in this movie. We have already achieved a high level of synchronization with drones, so creating a smaller version of said drones would not be incredibly difficult.
“The only problem I could see with them is the almost telepathic connection to them, though we have nearly created a program that can process and recreate images from the brain. So these bots are almost achievable right now.”
Roman whistled.
“Damn, wouldn’t that be cool? I mean there’s obviously the whole construction use, but imagine the special effects!” Roman grinned at Logan.
“I suppose that would be an adequate use for them. I imagine waves and particle effects would be much more easy to create with the bots.”
The two began bouncing ideas off of each other, debating the uses of microbots as Janus, Virgil and Patton watched on with fondness.
Virgil sighed happily. Janus fought the urge to kiss his forehead, and, wow, that’s back, that’s not good.
He must have looked sad, because Patton hugged him tighter and nuzzled his arm. Janus gave him a small, reassuring smile. Patton’s face turned stern, in a “we’re talking about this later” way. Janus wasn’t sure whether or not he should be worried.
Virgil’s breathing began to slow beside Janus, his face relaxing as he began softly purring again. Janus ran a hand through Virgil’s hair, laughing softly as he smiled in his sleep. Patton sighed happily, kissing Janus’ cheek before resting his head on Janus’ shoulder.
Roman caught Janus’ eye, and grinned.
“Aw, looks like you’ve hypnotized our dearest Emo and Pops.”
Janus smiled.
“Can’t say I’m upset.” He purred, continuing to play with Virgil’s hair.
Roman’s teasing smirk turned soft, and Logan wrapped his arms around Roman’s waist, sinking into him. Logan glanced up, and tiredly smiled up at Janus. Roman kissed Logan’s forehead, then reached for Janus’ hand and kissed it.
Janus felt a soft blush warming his face, and turned away slightly as Roman adjusted his hold on Janus’ hand, entwining their fingers.
“You wanna help me get them to bed?”
Logan frowned.
“I could’ve helped.”
Roman chuckled.
“I know, love, but you’re already half asleep yourself.”
“I am not. I’m completely awake.”
“Mhm, tell that to your eyelids.”
Logan huffed, then gently punched Roman’s shoulder and stood up.
“Asshat.”
Roman laughed.
“I’m serious. No kisses for you tonight.” Logan walked past Roman, over to Janus, and kissed his head.
“Babeee.” Roman reached out to Logan as he whined.
“Nope. Goodnight.” Logan smiled and went upstairs.
Janus chuckled as Roman pouted after him. Roman sighed.
“I’ll take Patton if you take Vee?”
Janus bit the inside of his cheek. If Virgil woke up, he’d probably be upset, but… he looked completely knocked out. And it would only take a minute, so…
“Sure.”
Roman stood, then lifted Patton off of Janus and into his arms.
“Night, Jan.”
“Night.”
Roman carried Patton upstairs. Janus sighed, then shifted Virgil off him gently so he could stand up. He picked up Virgil and began making his way to Virgil’s room. He was still surprised by how light Virgil was- Vee had always joked about it being because of his correlation with spiders, saying he didn’t have an endoskeleton. Well, he was pretty sure Virgil had been joking. Maybe he could ask Logan about it.
Janus arrived at Virgil’s door, which had luckily been left open, and slipped into the room, laying Virgil on his bed gently. He found Virgil’s make-up wipes and wiped off the eyeshadow that remained beneath his eyes, then stood to leave. Again, the urge to kiss Virgil’s forehead arose, and he indulged it this time, before turning to leave.
“Jan?”
Janus froze, and turned around to find Virgil staring up at him, his eyes alert and very awake. A chorus of ‘fuck’s ran through his head.
“Yeah?”
Virgil stayed silent for a moment, then spoke up, “Can you stay?”
Well, that wasn’t the response he’d been expecting. Maybe a “what the fuck,” or a “get out,” or perhaps even a “why.” But definitely not this.
Janus choked out a “yeah,” and walked back over to the bed. Virgil held the covers up for him, and he crawled under. Virgil cuddled up to his chest as Janus hesitantly laid his arm over Virgil’s waist.
“Why-“
“Shhhhh… in the morning, okay?” Virgil cut him off.
Janus swallowed nervously, but nodded. Virgil sighed and pulled Janus closer, his breathing steadying more with second. Eventually, soft snores came from his sleeping form. Janus rested his cheek against Virgil’s hair, and let out a breath.
He and Virgil hadn’t cuddled this much since… well before the Melding. It felt a little strange but… mostly it just felt safe. Like a warm cup of cocoa after a long day in the snow, or curling up in your favourite blanket after a hard day at work.
Janus let himself savour the moment, and silently prayed for whatever god was up there to let him fall asleep.
…
Well that’s a no.
Janus rolled his eyes. Of all nights, it had to be this one, huh?
Virgil twitched in his sleep, and Janus bit his lip. He knew Virgil was prone to nightmares, being Anxiety and all, but it didn’t mean he had to like it. He wondered if he would still…?
Janus moved his hand up to softly pet Virgil’s hair, and he seemed to calm down. Janus laughed quietly as Virgil resumed his purring.
Janus eventually noticed the gloves that still covered his hands, and groaned. That’s why he couldn’t sleep. Awful. He removed them, careful not to disturb Virgil, and placed them behind him on the nightstand. He continued playing with Virgil’s hair, until his eyelids grew heavy and his hands stopped moving. As the safety of sleep washed over him, he couldn’t remember being this happy in a long time.
“Virg- oh my goodness. Oh my goodness, Roman, you have to see this!”
“What’s wrong, Pa- oh my god. That’s adorable.”
“I know, right?! Do you think they’d be upset if I took a picture?”
“They might. Virgil doesn’t like photos without his eyeshadow on.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Aww Logan woulda loved seeing this though!”
“Heh, Specs would’ve gone so soft seeing this.”
Janus’ eyes slowly blinked open, the soft sunlight coming from the window flooding his vision.
“Oh shit they’re awake-“
“Language!”
“Go go go abort mission!”
The door slammed shut as Janus turned around, giggles ringing out from behind it. Even in his morning bleariness, Janus couldn’t help but find it endearing.
“Wha…?” Janus turned back around to see Virgil sitting up halfway, leaning on his elbow.
A knot twisted itself in Janus’ stomach, and his hands began shaking.
“Oh. Mornin.” Virgil mumbled, falling back onto the bed.
“Good morning.” Janus replied, sitting up.
He slipped his gloves back on, and began getting out of bed. Virgil reached over and grabbed his wrist before he was able to.
“Jan, what’s-“ He looked up at Janus, his eyes widening. “Fuck, you gotta get out of here.” Virgil suddenly sunk out, dragging Janus with him.
When he opened his eyes again, Janus was sitting on the couch in the commons. The scenario felt scarily familiar.
“Oh, I just love doing that immediately after waking up. It doesn’t feel weird at all.” Janus hissed.
“Dude, you had eyeshadow down to your nose. You’re welcome.” Virgil threw his hood up, then sank into the couch cushions.
Janus bit his lip.
“Thank you, I suppose.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
Janus played with the hem of his gloves. They really should talk. Didn’t mean Janus had to initiate it. Even though he did. Because Virgil would be nervous about it, and they’d just continue skirting around everything.
“We should talk.” The words felt alien in Janus’ mouth.
Virgil groaned.
“Do we have to? I, like, just woke up, man.”
“You asked to talk about it in the morning.”
“It was like 2AM dude, you can't hold me at that.”
“I absolutely can and will.”
Patton and Roman appeared at the top of the stairs, giggling to themselves. They glanced down and saw Janus and Virgil on the couch, and got quiet. Patton met Janus’ eye and gave him a reassuring smile, before gently pulling Roman back upstairs.
“Let’s...o...ake...gan.” Was all Janus could make out.
Virgil groaned.
“What, did you get my boyfriends in on this too?”
Janus scoffed.
“Like I would use your boyfriends against you.”
“Oh, you absolutely would. Though you’ve been starting to use yourself against me too.”
“Oh, Virgil, who knew you could be so forward?” Janus smirked as Virgil shoved him.
“Like you haven’t been flirting with my boyfriends for the past three months.”
Janus bit his lip.
“Is that alright?”
Virgil finally looked over to him, his eyes wide.
“Uh, yeah, of course.”
Janus frowned.
“You sound like that should be obvious.”
Virgil stared at him, then started laughing. Janus fought down a smile.
“What?”
“Dude, seriously? Oh my god, I don’t know how to tell you this, but if I’m inviting you to cuddle with me and my boyfriends, I’m obviously fine with you flirting with us.” Virgil grinned.
Janus lifted an eyebrow.
“Oh? Us?”
Virgil turned red, and pulled on his hoodie strings a little.
“Nope. I’ll talk about whatever you want, but I am not dealing with that this early.” Virgil mumbled.
“Fine. But you do want to talk?”
Virgil bit his lip, and pulled his hoodie sleeves up.
“I mean, whatever. I don’t really care. But Patton wants me to talk to you and you said you wanted to talk so… whatever. You have to go first though.”
Janus nodded, and brought his legs up to sit cross-legged on the couch.
“Okay. We both know that we both suck at this, so laugh if you please, but know that I then will not hesitate to do the same.” Janus figured that was a good way to start.
It had gotten a small laugh out of Virgil, so it should be fine.
“I… acknowledge that the way I behaved, both prior to the Melding and for a short while after was unacceptable. I know I hurt you a lot, especially when we were young, and I apologize for that.” He paused for a moment.
This all felt so staged. Like he’d stolen it from some story and recited it. Saying it out loud made him feel the same way Patton felt when lying. Like a hurricane had replaced his stomach and the rest of his organs had to deal with the consequences.
“I know I may not be able to remedy it, but I would like to try. I’m working on being more honest and vulnerable, and I would really appreciate it if I had you helping me out with it.” Everything he’d ever known about speaking to people had apparently left his brain.
He wasn’t making eye contact, why the fuck wasn’t he making eye contact? His words were blunt and inelegant.
He finally brought himself to look up at Virgil again.
“Yeah, I mean… thanks, I guess. And uh… I’m… sorry, for kinda being a dick to you after you introduced yourself to Thomas. I know how weird and scary that is so… yeah.”
Janus huffed.
“It was well within your rights to, I wasn’t exactly the nicest either.” His hands gestured as he spoke.
“Yeah, but I did kinda egg the others on too.”
“Ehh, we’re all petty bitches sometimes. I get it.” That startled a sharp laugh out of Virgil, and Janus smiled.
“I’m glad to finally have another petty bitch around to help me out when Roman steals my eyeshadow.”
“Who says I won’t be helping him steal your eyeshadow? Honestly, sounds like fun.” Janus grinned as Virgil punched his arm.
“Asshat.”
“Your asshat.”
Virgil’s smile turned a little softer.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
He stood, then reached to help Janus up.
“Come help me give my boyfriend shit for eavesdropping.” Virgil grinned.
Janus heard a quiet “fUCK-“ come from the top of the staircase, followed by pounding footsteps. He smirked, grabbing Virgil’s arm.
“Gladly.”
They hadn’t spoken about everything, they hadn’t spoken much at all, but they didn’t need to, not right now. It was a healing process. The fact that there was now a reaching branch, a bridge built over their last one, was enough for now. They’d work through it bit by bit, and eventually they’d get there. Until then, Janus was happy to accept this new, but familiar friendship. And as he listened to Virgil and Roman teasing each other, he knew he’d be more than happy with it.
This had to be a dream, of some sorts. This couldn’t be real. Maybe Remus was playing a trick on him, or maybe he’d tricked himself, or something. But he definitely wasn’t in reality.
In the morning, after breakfast, Roman had asked him to come into the Imagination with him for a little while. There had been this beautiful little green clearing among the fall-covered trees, and when he stepped into it, it was as warm as a spring day. They’d sat on one of the rocks, and talked about Thomas’ most recent musical obsession. Roman had, at some point, turned on the soundtrack and convinced Janus to perform some of the duets with him.
Then Patton had requested his help with decorations for their upcoming Christmas celebration (upcoming, as in, in about a month), and Janus had helped with that for a while. Patton put on his favourite Christmas music, and they’d started doing some weird kind of swing dance in the empty family room. Patton had asked for his assistance in hanging mistletoe over the couch, and given him a peck on the cheek before dancing away.
Logan had popped in, and asked if Janus could help him with a schedule. They’d gone to Logan’s room, and Logan had run the schedule by Janus, thanking him when he pointed out any errors or impractical time usage. They’d ended up talking about the new year, how illogical and silly their traditions were. Logan had grumbled something about New Year’s resolutions, then begrudgingly showed Janus a memory of Thomas, him, Roman, Virgil, and Patton singing a silly song regarding them. Janus helped him plan some reasonable, yet still exciting resolutions in advance.
Virgil had knocked on the door, and asked to borrow him. He’d been planning presents for the other sides but wasn’t sure about them yet. Janus helped him sift through ideas, and gave him the little push needed to actually make the gifts. Virgil sat on his lap as he started making the most elaborate one (Roman’s), and Janus hooked his arms around Virgil’s torso so he could see to help Virgil with the details.
So, all in all, a wonderful day.
Now, Janus sat on the family room floor, with Virgil’s head in his lap and Roman leaning against his shoulder, with the coffee table moved up against the wall. Patton was sitting on the couch behind him, putting little braids in his hair, and Logan was curled up against Patton. Something was on the TV, but Janus wasn’t really paying attention. He, honestly, couldn’t remember being this happy his entire life.
And then Patton asked if it was okay if they talked about something.
Janus felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. Surely, they weren’t upset with him, right? He couldn’t think of anything he could have done, at least recently, to upset them. Did they just… not want him around anymore? He’d been expecting it, at first, but he’d thought things had been going pretty well…
“What about?”
Patton gently nudged Logan, and the two moved to sit on the floor in front of Janus.
“So, Jan, we all know that the temperature has really fallen recently, and Christmas is coming up soon too…” Patton seemed to be fighting down a smile, like he’d heard the best joke and wanted to tell it to them.
Okay, so not anything to do with right now, but with Christmas. Maybe they needed his help with something? That seemed reasonable.
Virgil sat up, then walked over to the coffee table, grabbing a wrapped box from the shelf on the underside.
“We, uh, made a gift for you, but, we figured you’d like it before it got too cold out.” He sat down next to Janus, cross-legged, and passed him the gift.
Janus frowned, but began unwrapping it. Patton looked like he was about to burst with joy, and even Logan seemed cautiously excited.
He unwrapped it, setting the wrapping paper to the side, and found… A blanket?
“It’s a heated blanket,” Logan spoke up, “You can charge its battery, and it has a built-in heating pad. We figured you’d find it useful.”
Janus blinked, staring at the box.
“It also has lavender pouches in it, because Vee said you sometimes have trouble sleeping, and I figured it might help.” Roman looked up from his shoulder, smiling.
“So… do you like it?” Patton asked.
Janus remained quiet for another moment, as Patton’s grin slowly fell.
“I… this is… amazing.” Janus muttered.
“Are you sure? If you don’t like it, we can always get you something else, and-“
“Patton,” Janus interrupted, “I love it. Seriously. Thank you all, so much.”
Patton’s grin returned, and Virgil let out a sigh of relief from beside him.
“Hey, hey Jam, now, if you wanna, it’ll be easier for you to come into the Imagination!” Roman grinned, and Janus let out a happy laugh.
“Of course, I’d love to.” He placed a soft kiss on Roman’s forehead.
“In that case, would you like to join us there tonight? We were planning on star gazing, and we would enjoy your company.” Logan seemed somewhat flustered, like he’d rehearsed this.
“I do believe my schedule’s open tonight.” Janus smiled.
Patton squealed, and moved to hug Janus. Janus held him tightly, and waited for him to let go first. This all felt so amazingly weird. They’d planned out and worried about getting him a gift he’d like and use, and had absolutely nailed it.
“If you’ll excuse me, I must get to work on making sure the constellations will line up right.” Roman winked, and stood up, “Logan, I’m gonna steal your star charts, yeah?” Roman said, already halfway up the stairs.
“Oh, no you will not, I have them perfectly organized and you will not be messing them up!” Logan chased Roman upstairs, and Janus could hear Roman cackling evilly as he did.
Virgil smirked, and leaned back against Janus.
“Open the box, I think you’ll like it even more.” He muttered.
Janus gave him a quizzical look, but opened the box, and- wow.
It was a red, velvety blanket with yellow flowers embroidered around the edge. It had clearly been stitched together by Virgil, as his signature stitching style was along the edges. When he ran his hand along it, Janus could feel the heating pad in the middle, as well as the lavender pouches. It was like a little part of all of them had been sewn into the very cloth of the blanket. Janus felt his eyes tear up.
“Thank you guys, so much.” He choked out.
Patton kissed his cheek, and cuddled him close.
“Merry early Christmas, Janus!”
Then, Janus did something that was probably really stupid, and was probably going to get him yelled at by at least three people.
He let his hand find Patton’s chin, and tilted his head up to look at Janus.
“I really want to kiss you right now, but I won’t if you don’t want to.” He mumbled.
He heard Virgil gasp softly. Patton blinked up at him for a moment, silent, and Janus worried that he’d horribly miscalculated, before Patton grabbed the collar of Janus’ shirt and kissed him sweetly. When he pulled back, Patton had a huge grin on his face.
Patton began giggling to himself.
“What?” Janus asked breathlessly.
“Roman and Logan are gonna be so pissed I kissed you first!”
Virgil gasped.
“Language! Jeez, Pat, one kiss with a snake and you’re swearing all over the place.” Virgil teased.
Janus glanced between the two nervously.
“I feel like I’ve missed something.”
Virgil cackled.
“Well, you see, Patton, Roman, and Logan have all been trying to kiss you before the other two could. A sort of bet, if you will.”
Janus stared at him blankly for a moment, then began snickering.
“Oh, please tell me who you bet for, Virgil.”
“Are you kidding me? Obviously Patton. If you hadn’t initiated it, his puppy eyes woulda caught you off guard eventually.”
“Fair enough,” Janus grinned, “What was bet?”
“Well, Patton gets to do Logan’s nails, which I’m like 80% certain he’ll love, because of the clicking, and I get to dress Roman for a day.”
“Oh, I cannot wait to see that.” Janus purred.
“Despite what he says, Ro loves hoodies, so I’m sure it won’t bother him too much.” Patton shrugged, leaning against Janus again.
“It was more of a joke than anything.”
Janus nodded. Virgil wasn’t completely merciless- The most he’d make Roman do is wear some really emo makeup.
The three sat there peacefully for a little while, Virgil scrolling through his phone as Patton and Janus talked about the winter garden they’d been planning to put somewhere in the Imagination.
“Hey, Pat, what’re we doing for dinner?” Virgil asked.
Patton gasped.
“Oh! Lo sent me this recipe a few days ago for us to make our own pizzas instead of ordering them! I’ve really wanted to try it out!” Patton said as he scrolled through his phone.
He showed his phone to Janus, then Virgil.
“Sounds good, want some help with it?” Virgil glanced across Janus to Patton.
“Sure, kiddo! C’mon!” The two got up, and Patton offered Janus a hand up.
“You wanna help too?”
“Of course.” Janus smiled, accepting the hand up.
Roman led the way as they trampled through the undergrowth of the Imagination. Janus was already bundled up in his new blanket, which- as he’d predicted- was the perfect temperature. It seemed to have some sort of spell on it that kept it to whatever temperature he wanted at any given moment.
Eventually, the forest broke, and they found themselves standing in a field covered in little white flowers, with patches of asters sprinkled about. The moon shone brightly above them, covering the field in a soft glow as they found the large blanket Roman had laid out for them. They sat down, Patton running his fingers over the flowers that poked out over the edge of the blanket.
Logan sat down in Janus’ lap, taking Janus’ hands and fiddling with them.
“Roman, this is… beautiful. The flowers are even season-accurate.” Logan mumbled.
“Well, of course they are! I know my flowers very well, dearest nerd.” Roman stuck out his tongue at Logan.
“Oh Roman, when will you learn not to lie around me? You stole Logan’s book about North American flowers a week ago.” Janus purred.
Roman let out an offended gasp.
“Betrayed! Betrayed by my beloved! How will I go on?” He collapsed into Patton’s lap, sending Patton into a fit of giggles.
“Roman, for the last time, you need only ask to borrow my books, it’s not like I’m going to say no.” Logan softly berated him.
“Mmm… no thanks. It’s much more fun to steal them while Jan distracts you.”
Janus levelled Roman with a betrayed look as Logan gently slapped him in the chest.
“Two can play at that game, Snakespeare.” Roman winked.
“You two will be the death of me.” Logan mumbled amusedly.
Virgil grinned, falling onto his back.
“Lo, did you look at the stars yet?”
Logan looked up, and it was if a switch had been flipped. His eyes lit up, and his mouth laid slightly agape as his eyes flitted from constellation to constellation.
Janus watched with adoration as Logan stared at the sky. He could see now why Roman was so excited about this. Patton sighed happily, playing with Roman’s hair.
“Hey, Lo, what planet is that?”
“Oh, that would be Mercury. It is lucky we were delayed by several hours due to Roman passing out on the couch at midnight, or else we may not have seen it.”
“Wow, Logan, shady much?”
“Of course not. Anyways,” As Logan began info-dumping about Mercury, Janus paid as much attention as his sleep-deprived brain would let him.
They asked Logan questions about constellations, and stars, and he rattled off the answers excitedly while gesturing with his hands. Eventually, they ended up in a cuddle pile, with Logan in the middle, being cuddled by Janus on one side and Roman on the other. Virgil reached over Roman and Logan to hold Janus’ hand, and Patton was cuddling him from behind. It was, basically, perfect.
Logan had started interrupting his own sentences with yawns, and his eyes started drooping.
“M’kay, I think it’s about time we turned in.” Patton mumbled, sitting up.
Virgil yawned.
“What gave that away, the sun?”
Janus frowned, and looked up and, oh. Yep. The sun was rising. He got up, stretching, then helped Logan up. Both Logan and Patton were practically walking in their sleep. The only one who seemed energetic was Roman, who sighed disappointedly.
“I suppose we should get going.” He said.
He snapped, and the blanket they had been laying on folded itself into a square. He picked it up, and carried it in his arm as he took Virgil’s hand and began leading them back through the forest. Logan hung off of Janus’ arm, and Patton walked beside Janus sleepily, holding his hand loosely.
When they arrived home, Janus was practically carrying Logan. Patton had sleepily kissed everyone goodnight, including Janus, which had thrown Roman for a loop, then drifted off to his room. Janus dropped Logan off at his room, confident that he could get himself to bed, and went back into the family room to sit with Roman and Virgil.
Roman sat on the smaller section of the couch, and Virgil sat in the corner, with his legs stretched out to rest on Roman’s lap. Roman glanced up, and patted the spot beside him. Janus sat down next to him and leaned against him.
“So… you kissed Patton before me? That’s illegal.” Roman grinned.
“Oh, shush.” Janus smirked, and gently tilted Roman’s head, pressing a kiss to his lips.
Roman held his face gently, like he was scared Janus might crack if he was too rough. They pulled back, and Roman rested his forehead against Janus’ and dissolved into a fit of giggles.
“Ew, get a room.” Virgil joked, poking Roman with his foot.
Roman just continued laughing. Janus tried to hold in his own laugh, but failed miserably.
“I have been desperately looking forward to this for literal months, oh my god, I’m so happy.” Roman grinned, and really, how was Janus expected to not kiss him again?
“I could get used to this.” Roman said breathlessly.
“Yeah?” Janus whispered.
“Definitely.”
Virgil snickered.
“Boo, get off the stage!”
Roman laughed, and launched himself at Virgil, covering his face in kisses.
“Stawwwppp, I’m tryna scroll through tumblr.”
Roman peppered more kisses on Virgil’s cheek.
“Nope. You are now forever trapped in Kisses Jail for your crimes.”
“What crimes?”
“Being a hypocrite.” Janus smirked.
“Wha- no, never have I ever gone all PDA-ish.” Virgil fought back a smile as he tried to push Roman off of him.
“Oh, please do pretend like you’ve never started making out with Patton in the kitchen, or Roman in the hallways, or Logan in the family room-“
“Okay, okay, I get it.” Virgil finally surrendered himself to Roman, who pressed a few victory kisses to Virgil’s face, then cuddled him.
Virgil gestured for Janus to sit with them, and Janus moved to rest his head on Virgil’s shoulder.
“So… I know we’ve never really had an actual real conversation about this, and we should probably talk about it with Lo and Pat too, but…” Roman paused, “I would really, really like to take you on a date. And later become your boyfriend, if you so wished.”
Janus stared at him for a probably worrying amount of time, but…
“Yes. Please. I’d- I would love that.” Janus stuttered out.
Roman reached across Virgil and took Janus’ hand, kissing it before adjusting his grip to hold in. Virgil leaned his cheek against Janus’ head, and smiled.
“And me. And almost definitely Patton and Logan. If you’ll have us.”
“Of course.” Janus grinned.
And if, in the morning, Patton found them cuddling on the couch and swooned, and if Janus spent the majority of his days cuddling his new boyfriends, and if they would sometimes use his need for heat to coerce him into affection, and if Janus occasionally spent the night sleeping in a cuddle pile on the couch, could you blame any of them?
After all, it is a well-known fact that Janus is cold-blooded.
———————————————————————————————————
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! :)
Taglist:
@girl-with-many-fandoms ~ @arodynamic-enby ~ @imma-potatoo ~ @canvas-the-florist
#dlamp#ts dlamp#lamp#ts lamp#Janus Sanders#deceit sanders#Coldblooded!Janus Sanders#Janus-centric#Janus-centric DLAMP#roman sanders#Princey Sanders#creativity sanders#logan sanders#Logic sanders#autistic!logan#patton sanders#Morality Sanders#Virgil Sanders#Anxiety Sanders#Moceit#Roceit#Loceit#Anxceit#royality#logicality#moxiety#logince#prinxiety#Analogical#sanders sides
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yes, ghosts CAN time travel, actually, don’t be such a Richard, Klaus
titled “frozen time between hearses and caskets” in my fic folder, aka idea #3 from my poll two weeks ago on which Umbrella Academy Season 2 fic I should write. vague vibes also from this poem which I adore; “I AM TIRED OF RE-WRITING TRAGEDY WITHOUT CHANGE. LET THEM LIVE. LET THEM LEARN. LET THEM LOVE.” Because let people grow, goddammit.
this mess to follow is dedicated to @levhach, the only respondent to my poll. I hope you enjoy! also dedicated to Klaus’ genuine kindness and empathy for others in season 1, may it rest in peace.
—————————
“Well, unfortunately, ghosts can’t time travel,” Klaus says, playing at exasperated and put-upon.
“Klaus, don’t be an asshole,” Ben intones from the corner of the room, but Klaus can hear the edge of desperation in his voice.
It’s been years since either of them could even lay eyes on their siblings, let alone speak to them. When Allison appeared at the edge of that pool, it was like heroin; that kind of emotional high could be addictive, if he let it, and he would know. Seeing and being seen are kind of important, apparently.
Nobody ever sees Ben but Klaus.
Except for three years ago, in Vanya’s theater.
Klaus heaves a sigh, letting his shoulders rise and fall. “Oh, fine, you big baby.” He throws up his hands as they take on a distinctly blue hue.
And the whole room…stops.
“Ben,” someone says, or maybe they all say it, and then Diego is in front of their dead teenaged brother and clutching desperately at his stupid leather jacket, and Ben is clutching back and crying.
He sighs again, for real this time, and lets them have this moment. Even Five seems swept up in the emotion of it all, hovering just on the edge of the crowd with his hands stuffed in his pockets and a constipated look on his face.
“So that’s our brother?” Vanya says from right behind him, jesus christ!
“God, we should have put a bell on you,” Klaus says. “Yeah, that’s Ben.”
“Ben,” Vanya draws out his name, like she’s trying it out, and Klaus glances back at her. There’s a hint of some je ne sais quoi, a glimmer of confused grief, in her eyes—like she wants to cry with no idea why, or how.
Vanya, who got teary when they stepped on ants as kids, went berserk and killed the whole world…and then conveniently forgot all about it. Hmm. Klaus has some ideas about that, personally, but he sees no need to share with the class; in his experience, people will remember terrible shit in their own time. Trying to force it will only set her off again.
Plus, he’s not nearly drunk enough for that conversation, even after a morning of margaritas with Allison, who’s turned into a wonderful enabler.
Ben finds him briefly from the center of their little gaggle of siblings, seemingly content with more attention than he’s had in decades.
“I missed you all,” he hears Ben say, and watches their dead brother look at Vanya with grief that isn’t confused at all.
—
They stumble out of Allison’s house, away from her lovely husband—really, Klaus can’t even begin to explain how hard it is to find a partner willing to hide a body for you—and straight into the car Klaus sped over here in. Diego, of course, insists on driving, but Allison is still upset over Raymond and Klaus can’t be bothered, so it works out.
Ben calls shotgun and Klaus automatically pulls Allison into the backseat with him.
“I just,” Allison clears her throat, “Vanya?”
“Again? What are the odds, am I right?” Klaus jibes, and flinches dramatically away from Allison when she elbows him.
“Last time, it was Luther and the rest of you morons that set her off. But none of us have seen her since she left after the dinner from hell, so it couldn’t have been one of us.”
“What is she even doing in the federal building in the first place?” Ben asks.
Klaus hums, “good point, Ben,” and relays it to the others.
He can hear the leather steering wheel creak as Diego tightens his grip. “I don’t—I’m not sure, I was moving pretty quickly to avoid getting caught at Headquarters.”
“But?” Allison prompts when he doesn’t continue.
“But,” Diego’s jaw tightens, “I think she got arrested. By the FBI?”
“The FBI?” Klaus screws up his face. “Who the hell—Allison, did you get her involved with the SJCC in the, what, ten minutes we were all together?”
“No, no I didn’t. But…I mean, someone named Vanya with memory loss in 1963 when the president is in town…” Allison trails off, like the words she emphasized will make some sort of sense when put together.
“They think she’s a communist spy,” Diego says flatly.
“Oh!” Klaus exclaims. “Oh,” he repeats, when that sinks in. “Oh, that—that won’t be good.”
“No, it won’t,” Ben agrees.
Silence fills the car like Agent Orange, and Klaus is just choking on all the implications.
—
His ears haven’t rung like this since helicopters and machine guns and Dave and medic! I need a fucking medic!, but Klaus foists the memory back into the arms of his subconscious because now’s not the time for a panic attack, goddammit.
Allison and Diego are saying something, but he can’t quite hear them; it’s hard to focus with wave after wave of energy flowing into him and into him, into that terrible void he doesn’t like to think about and in fact has spent his whole life drowning out. The energy Vanya is pulsating through the federal building feels like nails on the chalkboard of his soul.
“Question, guys,” he interrupts, “Who are we trying to save Vanya from, again?”
“The FBI,” Diego, Allison, and Ben all say together, and in the same you’re-an-idiot-Klaus tone of voice, too, isn’t that adorable.
Joke’s on them, he’s about to say something relevant. “But if they’re all sucking ceiling right now, why hasn’t she stopped?”
All the bodies scattered about with their eyes burnt out of their skulls is a pretty graphic kind of horrific, even for Klaus, who’s seen pretty much every kind of dead body there is.
Actually…
Klaus waves to get Ben’s attention. The others turn to look at him and Klaus ignores them. “Why aren’t there any ghosts?” He shouts, hands still tight around his ears.
Not Ben, though. He’s just standing there, arms at his sides, like Vanya’s energy isn’t on quite the same wavelength for him as it is for the rest of them. “I don’t,” he frowns, “yeah, that is weird. Can’t you feel that, though?”
Klaus hesitates, then nods back, refusing to explain to Allison and Diego when they make encouraging gestures. There’s no way to articulate it to them, anyway, not in time for them to understand what it means that Vanya can affect his connection with Ben. That Vanya can, apparently, banish the other ghosts, the ones Klaus isn’t anchoring here in the land of the living.
Pressure is building in too-tight air, like a balloon pushed to the brink of bursting. According to Diego, Vanya will defrost the Cold War in another fifteen, maybe twenty minutes or so.
“Can Ben go find out what’s going on with her, then?” Diego shouts at him, and Klaus looks at Ben, who nods and strolls down the hallway more easily than they could, but it feels…weird. Something in his chest tightens, in that same place Vanya’s reaching and Klaus doesn’t like to be aware of it the way he’s forced to be right now.
God, he wants a drink.
It takes almost five minutes for Ben to get there and back, and Klaus feels the blood drain out of his face when he gets a look at Ben’s expression.
“They hooked her up to some kind of generator. Klaus, the readout says it’s up to a thousand volts,” Ben says quickly. “She’s seizing pretty violently; I don’t think she even knows what she’s doing.”
Klaus lets out a blistering string of curses, the kind Sarge would be proud of—come to think of it, Klaus probably learned it from Sarge.
“What, what is it?” Allison shouts, leaning in and trying to look where he’s looking, where Ben stands, intangible and desperate.
“They’re torturing her!” Klaus shouts back.
“So, this is some kind of defense mechanism?” Diego adds his two cents, though Klaus doesn’t think the what of this is really relevant right now.
“We have to go turn it off,” Klaus darts to look at Allison and Diego and then back at Ben. Pressure keeps building in his ears, against his skin, in his brain, in his soul. How the hell are we going to get back there? He’s pretty sure they won’t even be able to stand, let alone walk a hundred and fifty feet. They’ll pop like grapes before they reach the halfway point.
Allison and Diego are shouting something else, now, but it doesn’t matter, because Klaus is looking at Ben and Ben is looking at him and Vanya is reaching that point inside him that anchors Ben, even from all the way back here, and Vanya’s going to blow up this building with them inside it and start World War III and they can’t reach her but Ben can.
Ben can.
He shivers.
Seventeen plus years together means Klaus knows exactly what Ben is thinking, because he’s thinking it, too.
“Are you sure?” He leans into Ben’s space, and Ben crouches down so they’re eye to eye.
“I’m sure,” Ben says easily, like this is easy, god, what a prick.
Something twists in his chest, and he can’t tell if it’s Vanya or his own stupid feelings. “No take-back-sies this time, mein bruder. If we do this—”
“We?” Ben raises his eyebrows and smirks.
“Oh, please, this is at least forty percent me and you know it,” Klaus narrows his eyes petulantly.
His brother shifts weight he doesn’t have back onto his heels, freeing his hands to rise in front of him, palms toward Klaus. “You remember the first time we tried this?”
“We?” Klaus mocks, but takes his own hands off his ears and presses them into Ben’s, letting that peculiar shade of blue envelop both their hands. Not quite visible, not quite tangible, but it’s power. Parts of Klaus flow into Ben like Vanya’s energy waves are crashing into everything around him, twining with the anchor between them until it’s a constant stream Ben can feed off of.
He sucks in a shuddery breath and blows out a shaky one. Allison and Diego are staring at him, wide-eyed, but he keeps ignoring them in favor of Ben.
“Do you think she’ll remember me this time?” Ben asks, smiling at him in that soft way Klaus thought they’d agreed to stop doing years ago. Rude!
Oh, what the hell.
Klaus quirks a real smile at Ben and squeezes his hands. “She’d better.”
—
“I remember everything.”
“Tell Klaus something for me, would you?”
—
fin.
#umbrella academy#fic#fanfic#umbrella academy fanfic#tua fanfiction#season 2#look i believe klaus is fundamentally the most kind/empathetic of all of them#season 1 shows this well#diego is probably a close second but my main genderless babe klaus is in the lead#also klaus totally knows more about his ghostly powers in season 2#klaus hargreeves#ben hargreeves#vanya hargreeves#guys that torture scene with vanya was messed up#between that and Klaus' LOVELY session with hazel and cha-cha#there's a nasty habit in this show of not addressing extreme physical and mental trauma#which you know#duh#but also let's explore it in fic for a while#let klaus say goodbye to ben goddamit#even if it's just#in their own snarky special way#let them have a MOMENT jesus fuck#at least a little something more than that weak-ass eye contact#grief#major character death
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