You know, I was thinking a bit about the monster trio and how they all respect food a lot. And it got me thinking about their respective reasons to.

Sanji started resoecting it after being stranded and starving for 6 months, he knew how it felt to be hungry and he doesn't want anyone else to feel like this again. You also got the fact that he is a cook so of course he respects food.

Zoro I am not really sure since I don't remember any specific incident in his life, but its probably due to the strict discipline and culture he was raised in. After all he got raised with Wano costums and Wano is inspired by east asia, mainly Japan. And I might get it wrong but there is some kind of occurence where its rude to not finish your food, and its considered preciois.

Luffy has his whole thing that he just loves to eat and its mostly a gag but I dug in more deeply and...

Did Garp use to fucking starve that child?

I mean, its mostly an assumption, but when Luffy first went to Dadan's place to live she only gave him a bowl of rice and a cup of water and told him he had to work for his food. She excpected him to cry but he just went "Ok. Better than my grandad treats me".

Did Garp just fed Luffy if he completed his trainings (that involved him doing near death experience as a <7 years old CHILD) and/or only made him eat what he hunted? Is that what it is? This whole gag, of Luffy being a glutton, cherishing every piece if food he eats DEFEATING THE WORLD'S STRONGEST CREATURE, FOR A BOWL OF RICE comes from the fact that, as a child, food was quite literally just a rewards, and to him food = freedom, and he loves freedom?

Garp, I swear to Nika-

I've always loved the way OP treats food. Not gonna go full analysis on that because I'm pretty sure one already exists, but Oda keeps wanting to put food/eating in a good light. Food means life and happiness and whenever there's an important scene going on, somebody's eating. It's beautiful. It's surprisingly one of the main traits of Luffy's character. I find it beautiful how the manga keeps showing that food brings happiness and fulfillment. That everybody deserves to eat and that it could never be a bad thing.

We know already why Sanji respects food so much so there's no need to explain it. But you know. Starvation? The way his mom kept hyping up his passion for cooking? His whole character revolves around food and how nobody deserves to starve. Eating shouldn't be a privilege but most of the time it is and people should be thankful they're able to enjoy their delicious meals. So he doesn't waste food because he sees it as a life and happiness source that not most people have access to and it shouldn't be wasted.

Zoro's views are really respectful when it comes to everything. Traditions and rules? Zoro respects that. He's the one who knows the most about pirate language and tradition, so of course he's gonna respect Sanji's views on food. But it isn't just because of that because he already respected food way before joining the crew. It comes from his views on life. Food is necessary for people to live and he respects death a lot (ever since what happened to Kuina) and mortality is something real and present to him constantly. He respects food the way he respects death and life and mortality.

And Luffy... I'd say yes, perhaps it does have something to do with how Garp raised him. It makes sense although I've never actually thought about it that way. But it does look like he has always had to fight for food. But he doesn't only see food as something to fight for because Makino also prepared meals for him. I think the whole point about Luffy and food is freedom (I mean, obviously. God of the Sun and Freedom. We know how it goes). Eating is something necessary to live, but Luffy doesn't see it as a threat. It isn't "Eat or Die" for him. For him, he chooses to eat because food is good for his body and it's delicious, and eating out of pleasure and not just hunger is also part of his character. He's a man who's always starving but for more experiences and tastes and freedom, and he takes food without hesitating once because you shouldn't apologize never, ever for eating.

While Sanji sees food as something he can do for others (he's always starving and making food for everybody else because he's selfless like that and the show wants you to see it), Zoro respects food the same way he respects mortality because it's something necessary to live, and Luffy loves food because it's... Because it's just good, you know? Maybe it isn't that deep. Maybe he eats because he wants to and that's okay. He unapologetically eats and he's selfish about it and that's how it should be.

a guide to not being ableist about norman becile

greeterings, fellow steam powered giraffe fans. while browsing becile content, i've unfortunately noticed a lot of ableism, both subtle and not, when it comes to folks talking about norman. i want to write a quick "guide" on how to not do that.

some disclaimers: this was not inspired by any particular post or user. it's a general trend i noticed, and to be fair, there are many years-old posts in this fandom with authors that may have changed since writing them.

don't take it as a personal attack if you realize you've done something mentioned in this post. take it as motivation to learn and grow!

also, i do not have a visible body/facial difference or an intellectual disability, but i am physically disabled and neurodivergent in multiple ways. i may have some "authority" on this topic, but don't take my word as the final say for any of this.

mini-essay starts below the cut.

let's start with language.

when describing norman and the 1950 incident, try to use neutral words. instead of saying he is deformed, disfigured, or crippled... say he was changed or transformed.

of course, if you are writing fic where a character is supposed to be ableist towards him, or maybe norman's feelings about himself immediately after the incident, it might make sense to use language with negative connotations.

but out of character, there's no excuse for using slurs. please don't call norman crippled. there are so many other words you can use.

why is neutral language important? because disability is not a negative thing by default. having a facial difference or a cognitive disability is not inherently bad.

(side note that yes, the official timeline uses language that is... maybe not the best. the official timeline also hasn't been updated since 2015.)

sort of related to language, look at canon for norman's speech patterns.

he appears in pages 11 and 12 of the comic, with plenty of dialogue. he does not speak "like a child" or have any apparent speech difficulties. of course, there's nothing wrong with that (i have a stutter! again, disability is neutral!) but the fact is norman speaks like every other character we see in the comic.

he enunciates himself just fine, he uses vocabulary you would expect an adult to use, he can be sarcastic and make jokes.

don't write dialogue for norman where he talks in the way you believe people with intellectual disabilities "should" talk. it just makes you look like a jerk who makes assumptions.

my last big point: wanda and norman's marriage.

it is canonical information that wanda walter married norman and took his last name. wanda's last name being becile in the timeline was confirmed by bunny bennett as not a typo or a mistake, she really did marry norman.

there is no reasoning given for their marriage, and they are never shown interacting in the comic. we don't even have a date for when they got together, aside from the fact that it was before 2015. however, this does not inherently mean their marriage was forced, that they're unhappy, or that wanda "had no other choice."

norman has been living at walter manor since at least 1956. if wanda truly did not want to be around him, why would he be there at all?

she has clearly forgiven him for what he did, else he wouldn't have been allowed to live with her for over fifty years. there are war-enhanced robots in the manor at all times, and you're telling me if norman made wanda uncomfortable in any drastic way, he wouldn't have been kicked out immediately?

of course, as i said, there is no truly canon reason behind their marriage. you're free to headcanon whatever you like. but if you're dead-set on writing that wanda was coerced or married him out of pity, i'd like you to consider why.

if norman didn't have a facial difference, if he wasn't disabled, would you be making those headcanons?

and finally... why does this matter, if norman's appearance isn't anything a human could possibly look like?

it matters because the way you talk about norman might come across as what you think of actual disabled people and it might make actual disabled people uncomfortable.

if your first thought when seeing norman in the comic (who, despite how little we see of him, seems happy and fulfilled) is that he must be a miserable man, suffering from his disabilities, with a wife who married him out of pity... i encourage you to do some reflecting about that.

thank you for reading. please be nice to disabled people, and have a wonderful day.

On unusual reactions and complex situations (GO2 ending)

So, I see a lot of interesting theories, analyses and speculations about what happens at the end of S2 out there, and regardless of if I agree with them or not, I keep track of everything, because every perspective is interesting and enriching.  I do observe, though, that a lot of these posts assume things about how Aziraphale and Crowley react (and I mean, I DO THAT AS WELL), and use these assumptions as arguments for their theories - without nuancing them.

The thing is that we don’t exactly know for sure what happened exactly in both our character’s heads; and we don’t know how they are supposed to react to the situation. Because we never had such a situation. YES, we had similar situations, which helps to have an idea of what’s normal or what’s not, or at least what is usual. But that’s just what it is. Ideas. And while it is totally valid to try to make a point and use the examples and clues we have, it is important to nuance them, if you theorize (speculating is a different thing). If I’m writing that, it’s because a lot of people seem to focus on the fact that Crowley’s reaction after Aziraphale left is unusual and like I said, use that as an argument.

From what I read, it seems difficult to imagine that Crowley’s so calm and still, that he barely shows anything, that he’s not getting angry or shouting or something like that. To that, I want to answer: by what standard? Why do you assume that he should ALWAYS react the same way to things that affect him? And why does his body language seem so strange to so many people?

Personally, I didn’t find that strange (but I am autistic so not the biggest authority for that tbh). In fact we already saw him reacting in similar ways.  Now I know that I said that it wasn’t enough of an argument, but I read many people saying that we didn’t. But we did. For example, after Aziraphale and him had an argument because of Gabriel, when he goes to his car, he looks absolutely exhausted and he probably would have stayed like that if Beelzebub did not appear in his car.

I know that this happens after he gets angry, but it still proves that he can show that type of behavior, if he’s tired enough. We can reasonably imagine that the kiss he gave to Aziraphale was a gesture of despair and replaced the “I’m getting angry” phase. We can also imagine that Aziraphale still rejecting his offer (which in his mind is probably rejecting him) after THREE different attempts to make him change his mind (1- try to convince him 2- kiss him 3- wait for him) was enough to just absorb all of his energy, all of his anger, all of his frustration. Maybe he’s just DONE. Maybe he just doesn’t always react that way. I mean, he was so close to obtaining what was, in his eyes, happiness. It’s something that never happened before - at least not with Aziraphale so close to say yes. Can you imagine how crushing that must be for him to let go of that hope?  And well, maybe the anger will come. After. Things only just happened. He’s still processing them. 

I could go on and talk about other details that seem to bother people but it’s rather useless -  I mean, maybe I’m wrong, and also, I think that there are pieces that we might not have yet. It’s just that I’m frustrated when people don’t go for reasonable assumptions before diving into more obscure theories (using these primal elements as introduction or simply nuance).

And I’m frustrated when people say that Crowley, or Aziraphale, shouldn’t react the way they do - I know that details matter in Good Omens, but also, you can’t expect them to exhibit the exact same behavior in situations with different degrees of stakes. (I don’t know if I make sense). And I think this is one of the most complex, delicate situations they have ever been in - after centuries of living in survival mode, they finally come to the crashing point where there life model isn’t enough anymore, when even the love they share for each other is no longer enough - because their belief systems, their desires and the state of their trauma processing are on complete opposition. And they have to finally face it - without the other. This is unprecedented. 

"Bodily intersex" So you think someone can have an intersex brain? As a fellow intersex person that language is highly problematic because "intersex" already always refers to the body unless someone is blatantly misusing it, like some perisex trans people. "Bodily intersex" makes it sound like you can be intersex of the brain which is intersexist as fuck. Just say intersex. You sound ridiculously when you say "i'm bodily something that is inherently bodily".

Hi. The "bodily intersex" that was in my bio was left over from when I identified as multiple and wanted to clarify this was not a part-specific identity, it is something which applies to me as a whole. "Bodily" is a very commonly used phrase in plural/system spaces to specify experiences which "the body [which the system/collective shares]" has. I believe I've also used this language regarding my age on here before; "bodily 21". I know I have also used it regarding my skin color before.

It is a way of clarifying that this is the collective's lived experience, not an innerworld or exomemory experience.

It's something which I forgot to update since I no longer identify as multiple; I am still DID (it is a life-long disorder), but my system fused sometime in January this year. I haven't really spoken about it publicly other than quietly updating my about me, but it was/is a fairly big and exciting step in trauma recovery for me. It wasn't something I went out of my way for (my mindset was always "if it happens it happens and I will trust the process"), but is something I have very much embraced and am very happy with.

Anyway, like... all that aside, your ask has a lot of assumptions in it. It's a bit hurtful, and I think just asking me why I had used that phrasing would have gotten the same thing done without the added rant about something that isn't even true (that is, me supposedly believing you can have "an intersex brain").

All The Things I love About Shadow and Bone Season 2

I am here today to give you a Tumblr classic list post about my new favorite thing Shadow and Bone Season 2. You might say “but they deviated from the source material so far” and “it was rushed” and “how are they going to move on from everyone being in the wrong place” and to that, I have a series of answers. Naturally, SPOILERS are below. 

First, the season was based on books two and three of the shadow and bone series and Crooked Kingdom as well as some new stuff thrown in to make the Crows and the SOB stuff combine. I think they did a good job of exploring specific character backgrounds and trauma for the Crows (with the assumption that the aspects that were missing will be in Season 3). In my opinion, they fixed the problems I had with SOB primarily by making both Alina and Mal reasonable characters that I want to root for. My guess is they are setting up an Alina and Mal reunite plotline that will coincide with Nikolai and Zoya developing their relationship. The ending sets us up for the main plot of Six of Crows and King of Scars and so I think the pirate ship will return, but not before dropping off Inej in the barrel because she is needed for a job with the Crows. Now, I assume Matthias will die at the end of Season 3 so Nina is set up for the rest of the King of Scars plotline so we will have to prepare for that. With the early death of you know who, these things might just happen. I think the show did a great job setting us up for a new season and I support all the changes so, without further ado, here is what I loved. 

1. Jesper and Waylan are perfect. I love their new relationship timeline and the actors have such good chemistry. I think the internet agrees that Waylan is perfectly written and cast and is so good at his job. I don’t mind the absence of a slow burn there and was a big fan of the butterfly scene. Also, the costume department knows how to dress them both and to whoever made the skirt choice thank you sincerely. 

2. Matthias in prison did a great job extending the angst of being wrongly convicted that we just did not see in the books. Also, those flashbacks to Nina are golden and I cannot wait for him to be freed and meet the rest of the Crows. 

3. Kazzle Dazzle is really giving book Kaz and I love him. I really did not think they would cast a child actor to reenact his backstory because that is a lot to ask for a child to do with a level of believability but they got every detail. What a great casting choice there. Then we have a thorough examination of his trauma and vendetta against Rollins. Those fight scenes were perfect and I loved every side-eye in the show. 

4. Inej and Kaz moments were all here. We got a lot of their iconic scenes but not all of them and you bet I am waiting for season 3 to see where they develop things. So many times Kaz gave the “well obviously I’m in love with you” body language that accompanied something unhinged like firing her from the Crows to keep her safe. These actors understood the assignment. I love them and need more please and thank you. 

5. Nina is my favorite. I can’t wait for her and Matthias to get together but she is still excellent and she at least got to eat waffles in this season so that’s something. 

6. I am hoarding all the Nikolai and Zoya scenes but I do love what they got as individuals. Nikolai is a wonderful example of casting gone right. Perfect as both a second son and a chaotic pirate. Just yes.

7. Alina is so much better in the show. It needs to be acknowledged. Also, great scenes with her and Mal. Small amounts of resentment between them because of her power is unfortunately book accurate, but it was more reasonable in the show if I’m honest. I also think her ending was interesting. I know we see her smiling at the end after the murder happens but honestly I don’t think that is an immediate red flag for her being a villain. She did prevent the deaths of everyone around her and they can do whatever they want with her next season. I think they will resolve it halfway through the next season honestly.

8. Last for now, the addition of the sword heist was excellent. It did a lot to flesh out the rest of the world prior to the Six of Crows plot. I was also a big fan of the drug-based character development. Plus, it gave Waylan a chance to save the day. I like how it gave Nina and Zoya a chance to resolve their disagreements about leaving the army. It also gave us a Inej saves Kaz scene that was really important. It never existed in the books and was a great addition to the show. Big fan.

So I loved basically everything and I for sure missed some but here is my current list. I am really banking on the Tumblr gifsets and Tiktok fan edits to see me through (free idea for someone to do an edit of any of the crows but mostly Matthias to hozier’s eat your young please). Now I am waiting for an announcement where hopefully we are given a Season 3. Nothing is guaranteed these days but I love delusionally manifesting more content for the things I am invested in. 

hi! could i get a mha matchup? my pronouns are she/her, i would like a male matchup! my Myers briggs is infj, my big three are leo Sun, sag moon, and cap rising. im 176cm, which is abt 5’9, i have a spoon shaped body type where I carry most of my weight in my thighs and butt, and my upper body is smaller. i have some arm muscles and faint abs, but just because i don’t carry weight on my stomach LOL, i have elbow? length brown hair, it’s wavy and hard to manage. i have brown eyes, and freckles during summer. im a difficult person to know, i have a hard time making friends and my default assumptions are that people don’t like me, and that im annoying, even though i am very quiet. i speak rarely, and half the time I do speak i immediately regret whatever i say. i love my friends a lot, and it’s important to me show them that i love and appreciate them. i can be snarky when i know someone, but in a lighthearted way, and i hate joking insults, directed at myself or others. my love language is physical touch and quality time. i love touch so much. with the people i care about, i am constantly hanging off them. i also love being in peoples presence, especially when we can have quiet moments. i love travelling, reading, playing piano, volleyball, fashion, and art. hope this wasn’t too rambly! im excited to see who you match me with! have an amazing day/night, and take care of yourself! <3

Hello!! Hope your day has been amazing and you’re taking care of yourself as well!!!

I’d match you with:

*•.¸♡ 𝐄𝐈𝐉𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐀 ♡¸.•*

He was my first thought immediately when I read your submission. Ya’ll would be a beautiful couple!!

First of all a Leo and a Libra (Kirishima’s sign) is CHEFS KISS!!! Leo’s and Libra’s are always VERY devoted to each other, and tend to build trust and security in relationships incredibly easily! This match will also bring you both stability and balance!

Kirishima would find your freckles adorable, by the way! :)

Your love for your friends is very similar to Kirishima’s, so you’d get the same loving treatment that you deserve! He’d value your presence immensely, and be amazed by everything you do. He’s your biggest cheerleader!

Kirishima is friends with Bakugou. He can handle the occasional snark. But never would he every think about insulting you, jokingly or not. He can’t find something to insult you about. And around Kiri, you would never feel like your being annoying or that he doesn’t like you, because he’d make you feel so appreciated all the dang time!

Kirishima would love that you love physical touch! I highly suspect its his love language too! He’d constantly be hugging you, wrapping his arms around you or playing with your hands.

Your dates would include late night drives, checking out cute new restaurants in town and you playing with his hair while you talk about fashion and the latest book you read while he listens VERY intently.

Overall ya’ll are perfect. I rest my case!!

Here's my Arknights Doctor OC, Pantotrichum. Random bulletpoint tidbits under the cut

This is an aggregate of a 1 like = 1 fact about my OC thread from twitter, so its gonna be a bit messy lol

Pantotrichum studied atmospheric sciences, if he hadn't gotten caught up in the whole deal with Babel and.. (gestures) He'd have become a catastrophe messenger instead!

Developed face blindness after waking up from the sarcophagus; it doesn't bother him too much. In fact, he's ended up being a bit mischievous for the sole purpose of getting a reaction out of people so he can read their expressions better...

The black patch of hair on the right side of his head only grew back like that after receiving head trauma. Since his head was shaved before being put under, it was a bit of a cause of concern until they determined that the changes weren't because of oripathy as it grew out

Pantotrichum is able to use Arts! He manipulates the atmospheric pressure around him, which can be either to his allies' benefits or the enemy's demise However, the medical team is avoiding letting him use this as much as possible, for two reasons: 1) He may hurt himself, aggravating his head trauma without realizing it and 2) They worry about whether or not him at present can be trusted to wield his arts properly once more at the field.

Likes the back support provided by his body harness. The ops can carry him by it too when they need to run and his poor atrophied body can't quite keep up yet

He has an interest in languages! Being an academic, he recognizes the value of knowing more languages so you can gather data from every source material you can get your hands on, and so he often will be asking some operators to help him practice his vocabulary.

Pantotrichum is DILF age. No I am not going to elaborate

Either extremely focused on his tasks out of sheer stress (usually when giving field commands) or easily distracted by his own trailing thoughts. He means well though, and will often ask someone to keep him company. This is usually the assistant's main responsibility

Has adventurous tastebuds; the dr cryptid diet is by choice. He is SUPER stoked to have Jaye onboard, as well as Lee. He can also cook, really, but he enjoys the idea of trying everyone else's styles over prepping it himself.

Pantotrichum has a relationship that could've been with Hellagur. never pursued but they have certain promises and arrangements made. Pan also particularly considers Hellagur as one of the very, very few people on the landship that he can show a bit more trust towards.. Pan actually has a bit of trouble trusting others past a certain level simply because he's also hyper aware of other people's assumptions and expectations for him. Its pretty hard on him.

He is somewhat touch-aversed, so he's always wearing long gloves and will step away or even shrug off unwarranted touches from most other people. If he lets you touch or even hold him that's a pretty big deal

Those who've known him from before he got put under would say that he's both warmer, yet also colder these days. He speaks a lot more casually, and looks after the younger members and definitely jokes around more And yet, because of his acquired face blindness, he's begun To make more ruthless decisions against the enemies. Even if they don't wear masks, even under the guise of perfectionism, Pan will give commands that make you feel like he's forgetting that those are people as well. And he realizes this in retrospect when he's alone, too.

More comfortable hanging with people who have little to no preconceived notions about him in relations to being RI's tactician. He isn't really sure how much of that is "him" and dislikes having to live up to someone's expectations before they even see him.

Became infatuated with Wuyou partially because of how expressive the guy was; since he was always reacting in Such A Way, Pan is able to frequently observe (and admire his goofy face) He also fell perfectly into the category of ppl mentioned in the previous tweet, so..

Despite his face blindness kind of impeding his enjoyment, he still likes watching movies, so apart from the old men on the ship, he'll usually be around Nian, Closure and Robin when he's not busy, ww...

Whistling away the time, floating through the sky...

FEATURING

DAY ZERO > Continuation of Cimmorro & Vinny Shopping - 27/3 > Potion Brewing and Han Hair Dye - 30/3

DAY ONE > Cimmorro and Vinny start Wizard Studies - 3/4 > Han and Finn have a chat - 5/4

—————————————————————————

The Helpful Timeline Diagram

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Continuation of Cimmorro & Vinny Shopping- 27/3

Picking up from where they left off, Cimmorro begins walking again towards the bookstore Vinny mentioned as they continue planning his imminent arcane program, satisfied with Vinny's enthusiasm all the same.

Cimmorro: "i'd be happy with any knowledge you're willing to share with me. goddess, i'd even be over the moon if i could even learn that thing you do that cleans things up. that shit is useful!!!" Vinny: distracted from his shopping list he looks over with an amused glance "aha, you're in luck its one of the ones they teach most beginners actually! though i understand why, it's quite eye-catching to a learner, and its utility is great for ink stains..." he reflexively eyes his own cuffs as he says that Cimmorro: "YES. oh my fuck. you get it!!" grasping at vinny's arm as if to emphasize his newfound kinship, he lets go just as quickly to put an arm over his face, dramatically mourning "all these years, all of the robes i had to discard because they've been ruined to no end..." he looks up again with a shimmering glint in his eyes, positively giddy "you might be the savior to my future garments! and most importantly, think about all the tomes i could unearth and restore!!" Vinny: not expecting the shaking he makes a surprised sound but laughs a little as cimm whips around in a fervor before speaking "i'd have thought with the colour scheme of most jasidian robes that it might not have been as pressing an issue, but i suppose that might have been a silly assumption..." he smiles and scratches his chin "it certainly makes research cleanup less of a chore. i only really fussed about it once i opened a store though, when i was a student i forgot about it most of the time..." he laughs again awkwardly Cimmorro: "hah, it's not always about the visible stuff really" he continues walking once more "job like mine, always on the go, yknow? even the dark shades of our robes aren't immune to blood and other stains clinging. unavoidable even." cimm hums as vinny shares more about himself "makes sense. apprentice life and whatnot. busy busy..." he smiles as he reminisces his own student life "were you only a protégé of carlyn? or did you also have other mentors besides he?" Vinny: "ahh yes... traveling is always messy business, though you do get to know people better trotting through the muck" he thinks as you ask, looking away at the giant tree buildings you walk past "i... picked up a few things beforehand. i went to shorewater to find a proper teacher though, the contrast of being under carlyn was quite stark" he smiles a little sadly as if mulling something over Cimmorro: he nods at the statement, letting out a small laugh "i suppose you're right about that. i sure have learned a lot about these guys around me" side eyeing vinny's shift in mood as he speaks, cimm takes a moment to wonder. "picked up a few things huh? i am curious, especially with your apparent passion for it, what made you so interested in the this wizardly path. it didn't sound like your family simply dabbled in it" Vinny: he walks in silence a few moments as he furrows his brows a little "... well, not my immediate family but there were a few people back in my village who plied the trade. that is where i picked it up initially. i'd consider all of them family though really..." he clasps his hands and starts playing with his fingers as he lets out another strained laugh "i mean, i told a few of you before... the school of the artificer only recently became legal to practice in most regions, yknow?" he continues smiling while looking away.

Cimmorro continues staring at Vinny, examining his body language as he speaks. When he speaks about his village but he doesn't seem to be talking bad about them so its confusing why he seems so sad. He thinks he’s anxious as well over just revealing this to him, but that's not really a thing to be sad over.

Cimmorro: "right, right. then i presume that's a reason to why you said your folks hops from one place to another?" cimm asks as he looks up at vinny. he doesn't seem to shut the convo down himself and is even adding on to things so cimm supposes keeping it going is okay! "and what are you so nervous of? you're fine now, aren't you? got that clearance, baby!" he adds Vinny: "...w-well one of the reasons" he continues messing with his hands and glances upwards instead "haha... yes i am, but... in certain areas they can still charge you if there's proof of practice from before its legality. exceptions to every rule of course, but well its..." he pauses before continuing "it's not as if it was the only school everyone home practiced..." he looks down at his hands again now "if you're a scholar they can get lenient, pulling strings, and then there's the nepotism...." he seems to start trailing off while mumbling to himself a little darkly Cimmorro: "you seem to be bitter about something in particular? or maybe even someone?" he smiles consolingly. "sorry if i'm prying too much. i truly am just curious as to how you got into this line of work with so much ardor. you seem so happy about it yet... somewhat lost at the same time? so i can't help but be puzzled by it" commenting with a light shrug "you don't need to worry if you think i'd put you in trouble though!" Vinny: he pauses and furrows his brow again, making a sour face "that obvious huh..." he scratches his chin still looking away and goes on "...i really do love it, learning and studying and experimenting. i guess i was more passionate when i was younger before" he sighs almost exaggeratedly "...so seeing you want to start ah.... made me recall it a little" he looks back at you finally "and most people aren't that l-lenient about witches, let alone a son of the goddess of law..." he laughs nervously looking away again "but well if last nights antics spoke to anything it'd be your geniality..!" Cimmorro: he snickers freely "might want to work on a spell that gives you a poker face" cimm continues to find vinny's passion quite charming, it's nice to be around one who is similarly driven. "i can imagine getting the approval to continue research with more breathing room only helped with fueling that passion" he smiles but quick to raise a brow at the follow up comment, a laugh comes out of him. "aha, it may be something to frown about to some, the illegal practice, but not something that's impossible to absolve in her grace's court. at this point you are doing good in expanding the scope of the arcane which is quite valuable to us too. so long as it's not disrespecting the sanctity of the cycle... you're alright, is what i believe..." he steps to the side and pokes vinny's arm playfully "so don't go playing with things you shouldn't be! then i might actually have to do something about it! capiche? i know where you live!" mostly obviously just a playful threat on his end Vinny: he looks over again while listening, still fiddling with his hands, but the personal view seems to make him less anxious about discussing it at the very least "...well that's nice to know... i guess im quite used to strictness" he laughs, a little stiltedly, at the joking "well, i have no plans myself..! the inanimate interests me more anyway" he furrows his brow again "and plenty of people already know where i live, a blessing and a curse" Cimmorro: relieved the mood has started to lighten up again, he smirks knowingly as he continues to jest around "is strictness what you prefer then?" he nods then as vinny assures him, as if a satisfied supervisor. "and good, as long as you're aware that you'd be breaking my heart if you do something uncouth! boohoo... now, what makes for a good spellbook, you think?" Vinny: he makes a face and rubs his cheek embarrassed by the tone change "i'm quite well mannered, i don't seem the type to be uncouth am i..." he shakes his head with a sigh as you start eyeing the spellbooks and items, settling back into shopkeep mode.

Though the two do their best to haggle, the shopkeep seems to eye Cimmorro’s outfit and determine he had enough money to pay them probably double for the thing if he wanted and stands firm. Vinny tries smooths over the conversation with a smile as Cimmorro huffily pays, leaving the store together.

Cimmorro: cimm rubs his eyes as he says thanks to vinny as they exit. "uuuuuugh having celebrity features is my burden..." he groans and continues to pout while walking. the entire time he seemed to be too busy seething about the exchange to properly appreciate his new book. when he finally does, however, his face brightens up with child-like joy as he holds it out in front of him, stopping in his tracks to fully take it in, initially not expecting how excited he is to start learning. after standing there for a few moments, he turns to vinny, for once not saying much, but his grateful and confident grin says enough (with the help of his signature tail wag) Vinny: he laughs a little at the grumbling now that they've left the store "well, some of them are more shrewd eyed than others..." though once cimm gets a look at the book he finds his joy almost infectious and he gets a big grin of his own. he slaps an arm across cimm's back putting his hand on his opposite shoulder happily, puffing his chest out a little to stand taller as if to give it a grandiose feeling half jokingly "and so your journey begins cimmorro!" Cimmorro: he snorts at the display and plays along with one of his own, acting out like a loyal subordinate with a mock salute. "let's not get ahead of ourselves yet though, we haven't talked about your rates! also, we can start after han's potions are done... she asked first after all" despite all the excitement he doesn't mind waiting a little longer... gives him time to personalize his spellbook..!! Vinny: his cocks his head a little "i wasn't intending to charge you, though you're right about the potions going first... still it felt like an important moment didn't it?" he takes his hand away and fist pumps it a little as if to encourage the feeling before looking at the items youd bought together earlier "which would be easier to make first..." he has a look on his face as if he seems like hes about to get lost in his thoughts again Cimmorro: "no, no, no. no more of that! i already let you get away with this last time!" he huffs while crossing his arms "we can arrange something i'm sure. name your price! is money not something you're willing to take? if so, out with it! or, gasp, is it that you want me to pay with my body?" he hides his face behind his book while stifling a laugh Vinny: he makes a blank face for a minute before putting his hands on his hips as if the suggestion is strange "cole doesn't even pay me though..." he makes an embarrassed face at the joke before shaking his head "...your company alone will suffice....!" Cimmorro: "what... WHAT?? you're just taking people in???? also that answer doesn't really clarify if you do want to bed me or not! curious!" Vinny: he whips out his hands a little flustered "no, no! well i mean i didn't even remotely want an apprentice to start with. but boy, she really wore me down, i can't imagine getting charged by a unenthused teacher, and she works at the store too-" he closes his eyes and moves his hands around faster "t-these topics are not related!!" Cimmorro: "well, there you go, she's also working at your store! so she's returning the favor to some degree..." he rubs his own face with both of his hands and groans "c'monnnn, man.... you're making me feel bad. also! you're not denying it! curious!" Vinny: "i let her because i couldn't think of anything else..." he sighs a little embarrassed, pointedly ignoring the curious, before standing straight again hands still on his hips "i said it earlier, it's not as if you're stealing away my time, what else would i be doing on the boat... i can chose to pay a friend a favour cant it?" he slaps a fist in an open palm to enunciate the point "and its the most basic of the basics..! i learned this stuff when i was a kid, and i didn't pay anybody for that" after he says that he gets a look as if he suddenly thinking about what he said and pauses before going on "almost like were paying it forward now" he smiles pleased by the idea Cimmorro: cimm frowns a little frustrated, though not completely targetted at vinny as he's reminded of someone else. "you- uuuuuuuuuugh, you're just like them!" a defeated sigh "fine, do as you wish. but you better sleep with one eye open" he huffs, continuing their walk still grumbling a little, barely audible "this is why people like you and ulle get in SO much trouble...!" despite his rough display of it, there is a sense of care behind cimm's complaints. he decides he will relent at least for now Vinny: he smirks as if amused, though also happy he won the argument and continues walking beside cimm as he toddles off, he asks curiously "like who..? yknow you make that threat alot to me but i feel pretty secure" he stops with a laugh cutting off the teasing as cimm continues grumbling under his breath Cimmorro: he lets out a sarcastic laugh before yanking vinny down by his collar (dangerously close!) and, in a hushed voice, goes "watch what you say to me or you'll regret it" he lets go of him with a friendly pat on the chest and a poisonous and mischievous smile before switching to a peppy demeanor, walking once again "i'm gonna go back and eat at the ship, you're free to join meeee~ hohoho" Vinny: his face flushes red again at the sudden pull as his grin gets a little warped on his face out of surprise. after cimm releases him he coughs a little into his hand, hiding his mouth behind his fist "r-right..." as cimm trots off he follows behind a bit shaking his head as if to dispel the blush, breaking eye contact "i-it's free i suppose...." he mumbles under his breath a little afterward  to himself "...he didn't even answer the question..."

The two share a slightly more tolerable conversation on the way back to the airship, walking into the dining hall to grab themselves some free lunch.

Potion Brewing and Han Hair Dye - 30/3

Despite her usual demeanor, Han typically doesn't let time slip away that bad. Doing a light jog to the ship with some paper bags in her hands she makes her way to the airship, she doesn't remember exact time but something about leaving at sundown? ANYWAY SHES GOTTA GET ON THE SHIP NAOW! She moegirl runs across the coastline and stumbles onto the ship like’ ehe sorry 😅’ at the attendant.

Cimmorro: cimm who's been on the deck admiring the sunset up until a while ago spots her not too many strides away. "han! yoohoo!" he calls out, waving his pipe idly with a hand as it lets out ribbons of smoke. "glad you could make it!" Han: han didnt expect to be spotted so soon n kinda jumps, she seems rly self conscious rn, but she gives a grin even as she gets embarrassed abt being caught coming in so late ... but she waddles over to cimm anyway "hiiii... i am not late" Cimmorro: "sure you're not," he snorts and eyes the items on her. "had fun shopping?" he can't help studying her new look as well, now that she's closer, but he seems positively happy about it. "also, looks pretty on ya." Han: han smiles more freely "yea! i buy gifts for ferrie chris and the others!" she shows the [bottle of overpriced potentially hallucinogenic alcohol] she goes looking to show off other things she bought, but looks at cimm like O_O at the pretty comment, then immediately does a double take looking more embarrassed, hand immediately going to pull her hair and looking down, unsure "you think so...?" Cimmorro: "ooh! oh... oh my," he seems amused by it all, especially the jewelry and the alcohol. when she shies down he just smiles. "i KNOW so. please. you look fresh! young! vibrant! i bet it feels nice too, light and easy. i like it!" despite sealing the somewhat extravagant compliments with a wink, he is being genuine about it. Han: she breathes out a laugh at cimms theatrics, looking at cimm with a worried smile "i dont know about young and fresh, but .. it does feel light. too light? like im off balance. i miss that weight." she knows hes trying to make her feel better, so- "but, thank you" Cimmorro: "ah," he chuckles "i know that feeling. every summer when i trim my hair short i feel naked. exposed! and for your case, i'm sure a big change will take a while to grow on you. but if you're worrying about how you look, well you look just as fine and lovely" he slowly takes a drag on his pipe before he continues. "if you really don't end up liking it, apparently vinny might have a solution. but try to wear it for a few more days, huh? who knows." Han: han looks like she will at least trust cimm on this, even though hes acting like a clown (she is smiling tho, cant win them all 😔 ). "i would like to see you with proper long hair i think" laughs internally at the image, but then raises an eyebrow curiously at the vinny has a solution part "what kind of solution? speaking honestly, i was gonna ask if u want chance to do the.. what u call, hairdressing? you seemed eager before ball" Cimmorro: a soft laugh comes out of him, along with the smoke. "maybe one day. it's hard to maintain long locks out here. i'm honestly impressed you manage with it. i feel like it would put me in danger more often than not... then again, you're plenty capable of defending yourself 🥹 and yes, sorry if i overstepped something but since we did talk about the hair dye, i wondered if vinny could make something to help it grow back," he confesses. "i just thought it could ease your worry since it was important after all..." when she mentions hairdressing, he blinks surprised, eyes eventually glinting with excitement. "you'll let me doll you up? again? really?" Han: han laughs "what kind of danger would it put you into??? capable of defending-- what??" <CLUELESS> han doesnt rly understand why it would put him in danger Ha Ha Cimmorro Is So Silly. han get shy after cimm says that abt hair dye "ah.. you thought of that? " :wiwi: "its nice but you are right, i think i will let it be.. for now at least." she gets kinda worried about the how excited cimm but she just smiles again, worriedly lol "yes really?" whispers "what does doll up mean here" Cimmorro: cimm just laughs towards the continuously darkening sky. "don't worry about it. a topic for another time," he waves his hand as if to dismiss it. "of course. you're free to take it or not. i was merely trying to give you the comfort of options" he smiles good naturedly. "dolling up means dressing up! you're my big dolly 😗 " Han: thought dismissed head empty ^O^ she looks at cimm like :D while increasingly getting more flush at the big doll comment, then furrowing her eyebrows "well.. i think.. you.. dress.. well.. so.. thats okay...?" she has stopped processing 😌 Cimmorro: "of course i do!" his obnoxious confidence overflowing. "you're right to come to seek my wisdom, young one! do you just want me to play with your hair or do you have something in mind?" Han: she blinks in thought "i dont really know what 'looks cool', so you have all freedom, i guess?" 🤔 Cimmorro: "nyehehe... leave it to me >:3..." cimm rubs his fruitfly hands together. "do you still want that dye though? we were actually waiting for you to come back to get started on it! vinny got all the stuff he needs" Han: han makes an o face "i forgot all about it !! you two already got everything?! then sure" 😳 ⁉️ Cimmorro: "yuhu, we went shopping this morning. come come," he puts out his pipe before heading back inside.... zalgo! Cimmorro: kicks door open vinny your balls hand them over Han: han shier behind cimm vinny ur balls…

The two make their way below deck back to Vinny and Cimmorro’s room. As they open the door they spy him seated on his bed reading from a book. He has an open bag laid out on the area he isn't seated, and a number of arcane components and glass vials are all laid out, organized but somewhat haphazard. As he notices the two of them, he glances up and gives them a smile.

Vinny: "oh there you are, i was beginning to wonder if i should go find you two myself" Han: han is like ooooooo science +_+ she waves at vinny from behind cimm ;3 Cimmorro: "han was showing me all her souvenirs!" cimm eyes the arrangement on the bed. "aren't you worried about those spilling over? the ship will be moving soon after all 😂 " Vinny: he closes the book and looks over the items "well, i needed to count out a few things... better to make sure beforehand..." as he thinks to himself you hear the bells for the ship begin ringing and the crewman shouting to one another in the distance. vinny balks and quickly picks up the vials and drops them in the bag as you feel the airship begin to move as it sets to take off. Han: han does try to stiffle a laugh at that Cimmorro: cimm on the other hand laughs straight up while moving to his bed to sit before the ship starts moving even more and makes him lose balance. "nice save, hope nothing broke" he continues to snicker while patting an empty spot on his bed for han to shuffle over to Han: han plops down, sending cimm flying- no jk, but she does sit down as commanded Cimmorro: head thru the ceiling dead) Vinny: this is so sad like if you cry everytime) Special Guest Aqua: Half his body stuck on the ceiling and the other chilling on the main deck as everyone passes him by)

Vinny: he lets out a little wheeze as he groups some of the items together, the sound of the airship creaking all around you "i w-wouldn't want to explain it if we make a mess, how awkward..." he glances back between them and the window "i hadn't thought about if we'd be allowed before now actually... better not mention it at all" Cimmorro: "if someone comes by we can just say we were making cocktails" he gives a thumbs up Han: han looks at vinnys vials n shit suspiciously n gives cimm a raised brow "i think they might guess its not cocktails" Cimmorro: "it's fancy cocktails... local to some place they don't know... something..." he smiles almost blankly Vinny: vinny furrows his brow and looks back down at the items "keeping quiet, yes yes..." as he waits for the airship to settle its course he pulls out a journal from the bag and begins reading something to himself before glancing back at han proper "oh! i'd only just noticed" he smiles at her again "a fresh look! we'll be needing less dye than i thought" Cimmorro: cimm's just like :3 peeking and studying the stuff in vinny's book and bag as they chat Han: han was beginning to look over to try n read his notes too and when he looks up she just sheepishly goes "oh, yes.." and plays with her hair again "i didnt realize it mattered how much hair there is" Vinny: he nods "the mixture changes depending on the length and the amount of time its enchanted.." he thinks for a moment "say if i made one for your previous length to last around 2 years, if you used it now it'd easily last you four" Han: :O "thats so long........" thinking to herself... "can i make requests?" Vinny: he nods cheerily "absolutely! i grabbed some things for what i remember you two suggesting last time, but i should be able to brew most colours on the fly..." he looks over the contents of the bag again and eyes cimmorro snooping and shakes his head a little like 'lmao...' Cimmorro: "not touching anything" he says defensively "just checking out what you prepared <:3.." Han: han is in like, childlike wonder at all this "i want to have it last about one year, as for colour........" she ponders it "opalescent seems little ... eh... whats the word... like too much..." she elbows cimm, embarrased again "you said doll up, what would you pick?" and looks at vinny "you can suggest too" Vinny: he raises an eyebrow at cimm as he continues shuffling things around "you have a real curious streak to you im noticing" he smiles again "great for a new study" before turning back to han "hmm.. i don't even think that much about my own looks" he idly runs a hand through his own remembering he should also get a trim before eyeing cimmorro Cimmorro: "ow. um, hmm" he takes a moment to study her real good. "what about... pink! you seemed to like that for your ball gown" cimm just wiggles his eyebrows at vinny Vinny: he turns his head to eye han back assuming he's being asked for an opinion "big range there... pale wouldn't be too different than what you already have if you're a little put off by a big change" he smiles reassuringly Han: "the big change was going from black to white, really..." Cimmorro: "not into going back to black then?" Han: she makes a face as she studies all the colours vinnys put out "it will go back to black eventually anyway, but .. i dont rly like how bright white is, it was fine in shorewater but if we're doing more.. "hunting" then i would rather have something darker... like dark purple?" Cimmorro: "ah, so we're thinking practical" he nods with his arms folded. "that would easily make you fade into most things, especially at night for sure" Han: "yes, like that" :3 heartened that cimm sees her vision Cimmorro: "practical and looks sleek, i imagine! hard to go wrong with dark shades really" Han: nodding nodding nodding, looking at vinny expectantly Vinny: vinny nods as he starts setting a few items aside "that we can do!"

As he feels the ship finally level out, Vinny moves to sit on the wooden floor between the beds instead and begins arranging a small setup on the ground. He pulls a small cauldron about the width of his handspan out of his suitcase, and sets up a few vials next to it in a wooden holder. Afterwards he starts messing with a few pieces of parchment from the bag, as if he were looking for something intently.

Han: >a small cauldron | sos. mimi witch Cimmorro: cimm just like omg its sooooo cute at the small cauldron Han: han too fr Vinny: his travel set Han: han n cimm over the bed like OO

Cimmorro: "cute, reminds me of the time i'd play chef with my cooking set at the temple graveyards" he reminisces this as if it's a perfectly normal thing for a child to be hanging out at graves ☺️ <- in peace Han: <- doesnt see anything wrong w it, thinks its cute Vinny: distracted by reading he doesn't even pick up on the comment, afterwards he pulls a small stone slab out of his suitcase, and settles it under the cauldron. he places a parchment on top, you notice now its a spell scroll before he speaks an incantation. it quickly incinerates in a puff of smoke and you watch the top of the slab seems to grow red hot. satisfied he places the cauldron over it before turning his head "ah, could either of you hand me the three big vials in there?" he points behind himself Cimmorro: me and han reach for it at the same time and our hands touch Han: literally like tnohignt else can happen Cimmorro: AHJGKAWUIAHGIG it happens and cimm is like omg han 😳 and then vinny is just like PLEASE TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE Cimmorro: CIMM HANDS THEM OVER LIKE A GOOD BOY BTW

Vinny: he takes them from cimmorro as he laughs a little at the both of you standing up, he uncaps three big triangle vials before he slowly pours each of them into the cauldron "this'll be the base..." he pulls out a wooden stirrer from his suitcase again as he begins to mix it "have to wait till it gets a little firmer" Cimmorro: "damn what's he cooking 🗣️ 🔥 " Han: han just oohs n aahs Cimmorro: what does it smell like in here now Chip: like sour grapes Cimmorro: omg i love u sour grapes Special Guest Aki: like something burnt. Smells like updog)

Cimmorro: "how long does that usually take?" cimm just enjoying the smell rn Vinny: he laughs at the shout as he stirs "the whole process is about 3 hours, but most of that is letting it sit after i put it all together..." he corks the empty bottles and puts them back in the bag and stops stirring "now... for dark violet" he gestures at you standing by the bed "i'll need the...little green bag, the sprigs of lavender and the small parchment parcel. the rest should be in my suitcase.." he begins rifling around for other items on the ground Cimmorro: "oh that's longer than i imagined :o" then he's just like yes honey picking up the things to hand over Han: han jsut sitting like a good girl watching the process Cimmorro: "how does one get into more.. hmm, complex brewing...? it seems fun. and most i can do is herbal remedies and some medicine but its always nice to broaden and learn more" Vinny: "if you want the colour to come through you need to allow it to really set..." he continues stirring before he looks back at over at you taking the items "its all alchemy, which is a subset of artificery... i picked up a bit here and there but a real alchemist could probably teach it better" he smiles "like your friend plum!" Cimmorro: "ahh, you're right right they have a pretty interesting arsenal on them all the time" cimm sits on the floor beside him idly musing the idea, tapping his feet together. "putting a mental pin to annoy them soon-ish perhaps... but certainly after spellbook!" Vinny: "really giving yourself a full itinerary" he smirks before finally stopping and taking the stirrer out "now.." he opens the parchment package and inside you spy cut up slices of eggplant and small blueberries. he grabs a small knife and peels the skin off the eggplant before dropping it in the mixture, he rolls his sleeves up afterwards and crushes the blueberries in his hand over the cauldron, letting the juice drip inside of it. he then puts the remains on the small parchment, setting it aside. he wipes his hand off on a small cloth before stirring again with his other as he stares at the colour "starting off alright..." Han: han is like i want blueberry now... Cimmorro: "keeping busy relieves me of booooredom. also, you look like you're making a very specific stew right now. are components usually food with the same color?" cimm looks if there's any leftover berries he can snack on Vinny: there are a few berries still sitting on the parchment, he nods his head in response "not just food, but you've got the right idea" he reaches out and grabs the little green bag. he opens it and empties out a purple dust into the mixture, stirring it in, afterwards he crumples bits of lavender inside with his other hand "right now i'm colour mixing basically..." he continues stirring while squinting at the mixture that's taken on a dark purple hue "texture also has an effect...which is why I didn't really want to put the whole of the berries in" Han: :O "how does texture effect it?" Cimmorro: cimm grabs a couple berries and gives it to jasper after plopping one into his mouth as he watches Vinny: he thinks on how to describe it "how it appears for example" he moves his free hand about in the air "eggplant skins are shiny right? the berries are bit more muted, so it'd end up looking a little dull" Cimmorro: "ooooooooh, that's fun... then i assume would there be an effect that would make it curly and other stuff too? if you had the right component." Han: :OOO Vinny: he nods "changing and enchanting the actual texture is a little more tricky, you'd have to start with a different base, but yes, its a similar principle" with a smile he stops to cork open a few more vials and begins mixing some sort of concoction together in the wooden rack "i should be good on the mixing... han you can have a look at the liquid and tell me if you like the colour or not yourself" he's not looking as he gestures with an incline of his head Han: han peaks into the cauldron and narrows her eyes "... can i.. taste it....?" not the question that was asked but she cannot contain the curiosity Vinny: he looks over from where he's mixing vials and blinks, staring at han then back at the mixture with a squint "er... i suppose? it'll be very gritty though..." Han: puts a finger in, tastes it o_O Cimmorro: cimm watching you like O_o "how do you feel..."

Han finds the mixture tastes more like eggplant than berry for some reason, and the texture is similar to juice with sugar that hasn't been mixed in yet (a kind of grittiness).

Han: han was making a grimacing face as she prepared to taste it but it actually tastes pretty good so shes pleasantly surprised. "good!" :D "can you make little more dark?" shes excited bc it tastes good Cimmorro: cimm's like O.o seeing han pleasantly satisfied. pokes a finger in to taste too and just goes like mm.. i see! Vinny: he snorts at the taste testing as he pulls out a small black vial and pours a couple drops in the cauldron "that should darken it..." he mixes it with the stirrer a few more times before going back to his vial mixing, he grabs the finished concoction and slowly pours it into the cauldron. as the last drop hits he speaks an incantation once more, and snaps his fingers. the brew lights up for a short second as a small poof of purple smoke emerges in the air above it. he stirs it again for a few more times before putting a small lid on it "should be good to leave now!" he shoots the both of you a thumbs up Han: han claps at the lightshow :D Cimmorro: oooo aaaaahhhh boioioioioing Han: the boioioing is cimms boner? Cimmorro: STOPSNWDMLWF Vinny: kl;hjasehjklhjklrHJKLASDFG Cimmorro: IS EVERYTHING COCK TO YOU RN Han: SORRY I CANT STOPTPOS DLKFASD Cimmorro: GO EAT Vinny: WHQAT BEING HUNGRY DOES TO A MF Cimmorro: what are we doing for the next 3 hours. threesome time Vinny: and u just mocked cock? Han: ^ fr Cimmorro: tch ill take my boner elsewhere then! Han: IF U CANT HANDLE THE HEAT GET OUTTA THE KITCHEN Cimmorro: this is an actual convo theyre having rn Vinny: vinny leaves the room Han: actually ye jsut put quote marks Cimmorro: THATS HIS ROOM Vinny: hes leaving Cimmorro: TOO Vinny: CAN U GO TO GEN AND STOP CLOGGING THIS WITH COCK

Cimmorro: cimm gives vinny a thumbs up as well "thanks for the show" Vinny: he stretches his arms a little "if you consider stirring a brew a show?" he begins cleaning up the components scattered about to put back in his bag Han: han gives a thumbs up back too Cimmorro: "yeah :D it's fun and interesting. i like watching people work" Han: "hey! you also added some berries into it!" 😇 Vinny: "i suppose that's true, it can be fun to take it a new process" he looks over at han and laughs a little "i should have bought more, im starting to get a craving..." he looks forlornly out the window Cimmorro: "maybe there's some fruit cocktails at the bar..." Han: "i was thinking that...." Vinny: "hankering for a good drink the first night back on the airship i see..." Cimmorro: "hey, beats doing nothing while we wait. not like han has to do anything but," he makes a drinking gesture "once the potion finishes settling" Han: "and last night was not exactly party" Cimmorro: cimm snorts Vinny: he laughs a little strained "true enough, i wouldn't mind a walk either way..."

Cimmorro: >troupe de blowjob walks to bar ! cimms probs hardly tipsy its just like juice to him and 2 hours is not enough to get him shitfaced Vinny: vinny has half a cocktail and stops bc hes like i need to check on it when we get back roflmao Cimmorro: vinny hashtag responsibly drinking Vinny: hes never gotten sloshed in this game king of the bar scene Cimmorro: we'll get him there eventually Han: han no drunk, but she eats smth nom nom

The three return after some time in the dining hall to Cimmorro and Vinny’s room. Vinny scuttles over as they enter and kneels on the floor to check over the mixture, squinting at it seriously.

Han: han squints too Cimmorro: "how's it looking doc" cimm just lounges carefree on his bed Vinny: the mixture has thickened up a little, he grabs the wooden stirrer and gives it a few more stirs "looks finished to me... i just need to strain and bottle it now" he sets about the task, moving around the room to grab a few more tools. after a few minutes and with purple stained hands, he holds a small vial with the finished brew "...and all done..!" he stands and turns to han "it should work as soon as you down it" he dusts his hands as he hands it off to you Cimmorro: cimm sitting up and watching han excitedly Han: han gallantly accepts the potion like shes seen play knights do and stares at it for a while before downing it excitedly

As she drinks it she tastes eggplant more than anything else and a thicker texture than before, its not entirely unpleasant. Once she finishes the three pause a few moments before they see Han’s hair slowly begin changing colour, starting from the root to the tip until its fully shifted to a dark violet

Cimmorro: "whoaaaaaaaaaaaa" Han: han just goes hehehehe in the lil ship window reflection, playing with Cimmorro: "she's.... reborn!!!" he hollers Han: then she friendly punches vinny in the arm n goes "YOU DID SO GOOD THIS IS SO COOL THANK U" n does a one armed hug that looks like more like a chokehold Cimmorro: hes just clapping and making merry Vinny: hes about to reply with a sunny smile before he lets out an 'oof' at the punch, he struggles in the chokehold for a moment letting out a strained laugh, patting her on the arm across his neck "i-it was nothing, g-glad you like it!" Han: still in chokehold, han turns to cimm n sticks out her tongue "hes my favourite spell caster in this party now" Cimmorro: he gasps, playing offended. "do i mean nothing to you anymore?! that's always how it is, isn't it... one potion is all it takes to a girl's heart..." flops back into his bed dramatically Han: han hehehehhes satisfied w cimms dramatics Cimmorro: he props himself back up with an arm "really though, looks good on you!" he's just happy she's more cheerful than earlier today Han: han lets vinny go, satisfied w the amount of pain shes inflicted (pain=love btw) n smiles at cimm "um well.. thanks 😳 u still to 'doll me up' or whatever" 🙄 Vinny: he bobs his head around now free as he rubs his neck, still smiling away, though a little wobbly from the pressure "i-it looks pretty good under the warm lighting" Han: hans like silly vinny, all light is warm Cimmorro: "of course, we could give you some sprucing with maybe a little trim and layering ^o^" noting vinny's earlier remark he turns to him and goes "do you want one as well?" Vinny: he blinks and glances upwards rubbing his head again "if there's even much to be done.." Cimmorro: "just some evening out, some fine tuning some might say. unless you actually want it to be shorter :3" Vinny: he continues messing with it as cimm speaks "i've never gotten it trimmed much shorter than this..." Cimmorro: "wanna try? :3" wink wink nudge nudge Vinny: he furrows his brows a little still contemplating "...if you think its a good idea?" Cimmorro: "hmhm, i think you will look as dashing as you do, but with a fresh new look! han is a great example" he gestures jovially at her Vinny: he seems to grow embarrassed as he sighs still messing with it "i'll trust the good advice of my barber then.." avoiding eye contact he looks over at han and smiles again at the change in her mood Cimmorro: "tis a date then xo" Vinny: " : ] "

Cimmorro: "🐱 by the way you haven't forgotten about the rainbow dye have you?" Vinny: he stares at you deadpan "..i wonder...." Cimmorro: "hey" Vinny: he looks away as if thinking "hmm..." Cimmorro: "... on second thought maybe i should shave a side of your head while you sleep (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡" Vinny: he looks back surprised letting out a laugh at the idea "oh no..!" Cimmorro: "I'M WARNING YOU i need it. I'll do anything you want" cimm eating his own pride for the sake of pranks Han: "well, u saw how he makes them, cant u try n recreate it?" 🤔 Cimmorro: "i dunno what was in those vials...." sob cry sob cry Vinny: "ruining this associates hair of your's is that important to you huh?" he says it while holding back another laugh Han: single tears w him Cimmorro: "it would just be for a day! cmon...." Vinny: he snorts finally letting up "let's say if you do well in my cobbled together wizardry classes ill make one for you as a reward" Cimmorro: energy rejuvenated instantly "oh I'll do more than better! you'll see! I'll blow your mind!" he's literally evil smiling rn Vinny: he nods his head playing along clapping his hands together "i'm looking forward to it!" Cimmorro: "okay that's a promise alright? a deal? Han's my witness. you're giving me that dye!" Han: han sits up straight to witness 🫡 Vinny: he starts laughing loudly again Cimmorro: he hmphs "I'm ready whenever you are also han, before i forget, i have that thing i told you about where i can make portable light for you if you still want it" Han: "oh, ye" :O " what do you need for it?" Cimmorro: "ruby dust, i bought some earlier. just gimme something you want to be permanently radiating. something easy to hide like i mentioned before" Han: "permanently? you wont be able to ... make it stop being magical?" Cimmorro: "i can, but it'd have to be on my command" Han: oic 🤔 Cimmorro: "once it's put out, I can't do it again unless i have the dust. which are a little pricey!" Han: han takes out smth from the bag n looks it over, then goes "oh, but i want to look at it......" :( and goes back to looking thru her bag <- the sheep

Han: "could it be small coin? i was thinking about attaching it to something.." Cimmorro: "yeah that works :o! easy to pocket when you don't need it. it's as bright as a torch though so be mindful of that... oh but it doesn't burn!" Han: she nods, considering all that "i was thinking about attaching it to this" and she slips out a dagger from her boot Cimmorro: "oh my... you just have those things all over you huh. sounds good to me though!" Han: "yes. dont you? 🤨 but ye, i was thinking to enchant coin" takes out a gold "and then tie it to dagger" mimes how shes gonna tie it and nods to herself "by the way, i found this in my bag" she takes out 4 red crystals "do you know what it is? it can be group fund if its useful" Cimmorro: "yep yep that's handy, keeps it from getting lost too!" he eyes the crystals a little surprised, "uh, hmm seems like your common crystals, still worth something though. around 35gp, could probably get it to 40gp if you bargain hard enough... but ehhh. still something!" Han: han shrugs at the crystals n puts them back "good to know, keep in mind" Cimmorro: "something to fall back on when we run out of all the platinum 😂 you good with the coin then?" he reaches a hand out towards her Han: puts the coin in ur hand 😤 Cimmorro: cimm eagerly grasps it in his palm as he takes out his holy symbol with the other free hand. "i actually haven't done this before so I'm excited to see it myself!" he says as he takes out a small folded parchment with the small pile of ruby dust

Placing the coin on top of the dust, Cimmorro touches it with one hand, he tangles the chain of his holy symbol between his fingers in the other and begins muttering a short prayer. Soon enough the dust soon sparks into small embers shimmering like rubies before the coin absorbs it all completely, shedding light enough to brighten the room.

Cimmorro: cimm seems happy enough with the sparkle show and goes "yayyy!" Han: han is like that giant eyed cat looking at xmas ornaments pic looking at the magical display as she claps with the same enthusiasm she did for vinny earlier :3 Cimmorro: he proudly hands over the coin to han. "may you have less trouble traversing the dark from now on!" Han: receives it like she did the potion "thank you...! i shall...!!!" she takes a piece of thin rope and starts coiling it around the dagger, adding the sheep charm and the coin to it Cimmorro: 🥹🥹🥹 cimm is v touched that she seems to treasure the small gift but doesn't really comment on it he's just like 🥺 fr Han: han happily wrapping it heheh :3 Cimmorro: hehehe Han: han n cimm: hehehehehe vinny in the corner: SNORE Cimmorro: LITERALLYJEKEKSKKXC like a grandpa babysittingg his grandkids Han: K;HASD;LGKWARE;FDS GRANDPA WAKE UP U FUCKED UP BIG TIME Cimmorro: JUST JUMPS HIM Special Guest Aqua: LETS KILL HIM...) Han: LKHA;ODSLRKWES;HDOIF)

Noticing that Vinny at some point had fallen asleep sitting up like an old man, Cimmorro and Han continue their chat quietly before saying their good nights. Cimmorro helps ease Vinny back to his bed though, the poor guy, before curling into his own bed with jasper.

Cimmorro and Vinny start Wizard Studies - 3/4

The next day, soon after the two wake and ready themselves in the morning, Vinny quickly sets about putting his wizard lesson plan together. He seats himself on the floor again, seemingly preferring the space it provides and organises a few tomes he picked up in Figstup for Cimmorro's use and sets off into an explanation of the basics. He's rolled up his sleeves to avoid any potential ink stains occurring from the frequent gestures he makes with hands while still holding the quill he uses to draw diagrams. after about a couple hours of teaching he pauses a moment to let Cimmorro ponder the incantations a moment.

Vinny: "hopefully this hasn't been too hard to grasp so far...?" Cimmorro: cimm starts off as excited as he was just the day before, but as vinny begins his lessons, cimm can't help but blink a little stupefied. his way of teaching is... definitely different. at least compared to willow. granted, these are two very different subjects so he figured there will be more things for him to get used to... but it really is quite distracting. they're almost like the complete opposites: willow, direct, concise and maybe a little stricter than average, there'd be no room to bumble about. vinny, on the other hand, quite a blundering mentor, things seem to be described in more paragraphs than what one would find necessary, along with cited sources and sub-topics. cimm doesn't find the trait to be one that would deter or slow down his study though, no. he needs all the information he could get and he's glad that vinny is more than eager to cover all the fields. he knows he's in good hands. after a while, he does pick up on his rhythm and the lessons have been pretty easy to pick up. vinny might even notice how cimm takes this on very seriously, rarely doing anything that may distract them (though he can't help with a small joke or two from time to time) and dutifully taking notes of anything and everything. when he asks for him, he looks up from a rune he was copying and says "huh? oh nah! honestly, quite surprised it's been easier to make sense of. some of these things i could see parallels between some divine spells and incantations. like translations? kind of cool!" Vinny: he seems pleased at cimmorro's studiousness, though he often has to think for a moment before the odd joke here and there registers in his mind, too distracted by his own thinking. it's not unexpected from what he knows about him but he hasn't seen him so focused for an extended period of time before, it's a bit of a contrast from his regular selfs constant messing around. compared to his previous experience starting out teaching cole, it's going alot more smoothly, though he mostly blames that bit of mess on his own inexperience. then again he doubts cimmorro would end up blowing up the airship on his first day no matter how bad he was at explanations. as he responds with an eager tone vinny smiles and nods his head "your background seems to be even more helpful than we'd thought, huh? and you're right!" he points down towards ones of the books "though there isn't too much overlap between known cleric and wizard spells, when you can compare them its often like translating between languages. detect magic when written down doesn't look too outlandishly different between most practices" Cimmorro: cimm nods in understanding as he cranes his head towards the book. "even if some spells don't overlap, since it basically uses the same type of code and elements as ones that do, it makes it a little less overwhelming to try and decipher" he shift idly through his own notes, seemingly satisfied at the current progress so far. "if i had known sooner, i would've dabbled into this when i was younger. definitely could've helped make my job a a bit easier!" he laughs "it's a bit of a pet peeve, but i do find it sliiiiightly grating when we receive a scroll to archive and it still has to go through approval in our arcane section because i couldn't decipher it myself. ack, i just want to put those pretty things tucked up the shelves and dealt with! organized! and it's not my ideal trip to go up and down flights of stairs from the arcane department to the archives and vice versa" the memory makes him realize he hasn't stretched his own legs since the lesson started and begins to do so now as he sits on the floor. "now the 'arcane' part in my clergy title serves a lot more purpose" Vinny: he smirks in response as if amused "they say the more you know the easier it is to learn and find patterns, at the end of the day it really is all magic in some form or another. i forgot your temple was a tower though, i can imagine the cardio that'd net you on a daily basis..." he leans back a little bit to stretch his back as well, mentally deeming it a good time for a brief break "ive never lived somewhere so grand myself... even being dragged around the palace to work on arcane barriers was a real hassle" he laughs to himself before he takes on a curious look tilting his head "you have an official title? well of course you do, what's your role back home?" Cimmorro: "i gotta give some credit to those stairs, if it weren't for them my trek on foot would've been a hell lot more difficult than necessary these past few years," he snickers. "and now i have finely shaped legs ☺️ ah, maybe one day we'll install a magical lift of sorts" he stretches his ankles a bit and leans back on both arms as he listens. "you do seem like you live a mostly humble life! it seems nice! i don't hate my life in the tower, and i like the busy buzz, but sometimes it's also hard to find some privacy in it. so i get what you mean about it being a hassle" a smile forms as he reminisces his life. once vinny poses the question, he hums "i do pretty much all sorts of things, whatever i can get my hands on really. but before i left i was largely part of treating patients due to the ruby mother's touch," he wiggles his fingers then sits up straight "medical team leader, red beryl cimmorro! priest of death and magic, at your service 🫡" after having fun with his little display he goes back to his lounging position and gives vinny a thoughtful look. "what about you? do you uphold a role at the accord aside from being under jeane's beck and call?" Vinny: he blinks as he listens to cimm list out his job and responsibilities "wow...sounds pretty fancy! you worked directly with people then? on top of all your studying" he smiles "no wonder im reminded of carlyn's clinic" he laughs again as he diverts his eyesight to the tomes a little awkwardly "well i used to walk alot more as kid, not so much these days. carlyn told me once my arms seem to have grown with all the lifting i do these days but i don't know what to base that on...?" he glances at himself giving his shoulder a pat before shaking his head "i like being around people but having my own space was quite important, my village was the type where people just stroll in without knocking if they know you" he shakes his head "though these days i seem to miss it, it used to annoy me something fierce" as his thoughts stray to berryl he furrows his brow a little and he folds his arms "im under everyone's beck and call if you wanna put it that way... im just a contract wizard, but even that affords you some rank in certain peoples eyes" he tilts his head pouting "basically they can call me in whenever they want to do whatever they want, but otherwise im free" Cimmorro: "yeahp... well, i would've been fine if i just kept doing my studies but neither my ma or willow was going to have that so, what they did is they grabbed me by the scruff and threw me into the team whether i liked it or not. wasn't right for me to be diving into books all day cooped up on my bunk they said! and man, i was so crossed! but looking back on it now i appreciate that they threw me into the lions. got myself some much needed learnin'" he strokes jaspers fur while smiling to himself. when vinny points out his own arms he gives him an amused glance. "don't you make chairs? those made out of slabs of wood as a matter of fact. i think that alone explains the mass forming. also, it's quite hard to imagine you getting annoyed of anything so i'm surprised. hah, though now that i think about it, given your studious spirit, i shouldn't be." he just visibly grimaces as vinny shares more about how the accord treats him like a little dog. "so you're contracted? i thought you were officially part of their merry little group," he looks up in thought "at least there's an end to it eventually?" Vinny: he smiles at the image of a unfriendly hermit teenage cimmorro as he shakes his head "...darkwoods pretty light actually, it's what makes it so appealing to buy stuff made from it" he knocks his head back against the bed behind him with his arms still folded as he thinks "my teenage years were my most bristly, and i've said before i'm more than capable of getting mad..." he sighs "contract wizards are considered as much their own as anyone else, and.... it's a nice thought but i doubt im getting out of it anytime soon" Cimmorro: "is it? but, not that i'm questioning your choice of material just curious, but if it's light wouldn't that mean it's not as durable?" cimm tilts his head at the logic of it. "bristly, you say.... kind of imagining you as one of those volatile teenagers (a/n: cimmorro is projecting)... vildristin, bad boy style, yeah" he nods, oddly satisfied and amused at the image he's conjured in his own mind. his demeanor shifts into something thing a little more incredulous at the topic of contracts, however. "are they funding your store or something? is that how they trap you like that?" Vinny: "its a paradoxical material, durable but light. hefty when you swing but stills like a feather, but its also quite hard to work for all those reasons" he snorts at the volatile comment "b-bad boy? i dont know if i got that crazy, though i guess leaving home is a bit of a late teenage rebellion..."  he shifts in his spot lifting his head again to look out the window "nothing like that but i'm sure they'd bring up the store too if they wanted, but its nothing im so attached to... you can always start somewhere new" he sighs from his nose "no, no a different kind of blackmail for me" he turns back to you a newfound sad smile on his face "you might even be able to guess half of it at this point really" Cimmorro: cimm's face brightens as he understands the appeal of darkwood now with a long 'ooooooooooooh!' but his face crumples in thought again "so..... then it must be the machines, the metal! you can thank those for forming all that" he gestures at his arms "even cole looked like she could pull over an entire wagon!" he blinks at vinny again like a bird trying to judge if it should venture further into this. after while though, of course he gives in and leans more closely in a whisper, even though he doesn't really need to since it's just the two of them in the room, but for the theatrics, "is it the witch stuff...? how'd they find out?" Vinny: he nods his head "...yes, exactly right" he leans back against the bed behind him again, folding his hands over his knees with tiredness in his face "i let it slip myself, accidentally of course. it was during a small meeting with the big man himself" he starts to fiddle with his fingers again "...you know the first time you come to a city by yourself knowing things you shouldn't its a pretty scary experience. carlyn picked me up but i never told him where i'd gotten my basics of magic from" he shrugs "i thought the accord were my friends, after they scouted me. no one ever talks about wanting to leave them, such a professional group of innovators" he sighs to himself afterwards Cimmorro: cimm on the floor like this going like NOO WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO OUR BEAUTIFUL WIZARDS

Cimmorro: cimm makes a face as if he ate a lemon as vinny tells his story "that's fouuuuuuuuul! no wonder you've been avoiding the topic... ahhhh..." hejust kinda slumps further onto the floor and stares at the ceiling. "man... nasty. never meet your heroes, i suppose... do they all know? or just like, mostly the higher ups? jeane?" Vinny: he smiles at cimms reaction a little bit "...and not a story i can tell many either" he looks off in thought at the question "a few of the inner circle i can name, jeanne is one yes, and berryl. though he may have told any number of people so i dont know exactly. i'd hope he doesn't consider me THAT important..." he makes a kind of lightly annoyed face Cimmorro: "well, for what it's worth, i appreciate that you could tell me" cimm, from the spot where he is laying on the floor, gives vinny a friendly pat on the knee. "from my understanding they're treating you like their little errand boy, no? i hope that doesn't involve any more strange dirty work if they could be that sleazy..." he shoots a worried look at him before looking at the ceiling again. "funny how my mentor who is oftentimes neutral in opinion expressed slight but some rare disdain towards the accord. now, i can fully understand." Vinny: he looks down again at the knee pat with a grateful expression "thank you, cimmorro" he leans forward again, and settles his chin in his hand on his knee "they didn't contact me for much work before the ball, but that could certainly change nowadays..." he gives an awkward laugh "i should stop leaning into all these fantasies of running away so much" he pays attention at mention of willow before nodding "they're pretty in the know then huh? i'm sure the other outer members are alright.. but who knows how many any number of them are being pulled along like this really. not something i enjoy thinking about" Cimmorro: "oh? what makes you think that?" re: the accord contacting him. "did they even give you a way out of this blackmail? conditions? or is it really 'you do as we ask for as long as we like,?' 😑" cimm shivers at the thought of more people being exploited. "yeap, don't like that" Vinny: "i've gotten more attention, being involved in a citywide cult escapade gives you more relevance than being a simple arcane shop owner. jeane seemed to think so at the very least, of course they'd like to brag one of their own was involved in their takedown" he drops his head almost woefully "...as long as they like" Cimmorro: cimm straight up just looks at him like 🥹 Vinny: NYORON Cimmorro: ^ unmoisturized, invaded in my lane, unflourishing, taking psychic damage

Cimmorro: cimm's quiet for a moment while schemes run through his head. after a bit he just goes "..................... potion of memory loss in his favorite drink......." half jokingly suggesting ideas Vinny: with his eyes closed vinny snorts, lifting his head again "....not the worst idea?" Cimmorro: cimm smiles at him when he lifts his head again then lets out a laugh. "hey, it's a start! i don't hear you coming up with anything yourself" Vinny: he furrows his eyebrows smirking a little "i've been wallowing a little bit i will admit" Cimmorro: "and now i'm here 😌" he sits back up with a grin "we can spitball ideas in between your magic curriculum! we may or may not come to a solution but... might make you feel better? also, we're drinking. after lessons. no excuses and no buts!" he says firmly "my treat!" Vinny: he makes a face like he doesn't quite believe there'll be any point but relents with a huff and shakes his head smiling "sure, maybe it'll be fun" he blinks after wide-eyed "d-drinking? what brought that on" he laughs again "sure sure, a reward for hard work" Cimmorro: "to unwind! and to celebrate! my first day in wizard school! yay!" he claps "i don't think i've ever seen you drink... were you drinking at the ball? i didn't see you get tipsy one bit! i'm curious! +_+" Vinny: he seems to regain his spirit at cimmorro's cheerfulness, shifting to sit straighter "i do drink...! i drank at the ball, but i wasn't exactly going to get all that drunk next to jeane. ezra tells me i have a high tolerance though" Cimmorro: cimm happy to see vinny's mood getting better, raises his hand to his mouth and goes  'ohooooo?' and playfully smirks. "i smell a potential drinking game up ahead! how exciting! i feel fired up now!" Vinny: he raises a brow while an awkward smile "oh boy..." shaking his head he leans forward again to pick up one of the books "l-lets focus up again before we get too excited... where were we..."

Cimmorro laughs heartily as he settles to study again, rolling his sleeves up in determination. Vinny doesn't need to do much to put him back on track, and the two of them ease back to their scholarly tango as the day goes on.

Han and Finn have a chat - 5/4

Whiling away the hours on the airship, Han makes her way above deck again to kill some time. Finn also finds himself lounging on the deck after the sun has set, staring off into the distance.

Finn: something finn has quickly taken to is lounging on the deck at night. theres not much to do on the ship, not for him anyway and especially not during the day. its been nice to get some time off, he was able to make a lot of time for sulking which wasnt possible in shorewater. he sighs at the thought of it all. he still cant really believe his uncle threw him to these wolves. maybe he can at least attract the attention of a handsome stranger if he shows up here nightly and acts mysteriously troubled... just like one of his stories. Han: han's made a habit out of getting on the crew members nerves, so she normally spends her days on top deck or the crow's nest. today she's opted for more staying more lowkey, so she's just laying on the deck until she looks around and spots finn. following a brief battle wherein she remembers the last her name left finns mouth, and overcoming herself, she gets up and crosses over to where he's standing "finn. hi." Finn: finn is excited when it would seem hes being approached... he turns to look the person over and its sobering. raising an eyebrow he looks them up and down. it would certainly appear that theyre very similar to who he thinks.... "han?" he asks flatly. normally he'd be embarassed about the prospect of getting a persons name wrong but with a lowlife such as her it wouldnt matter. he might even apologize to this person if they indeed are someone else. Han: not understanding why finn studies her like that, then remembering shes had an appearance change, she pulls at her hair nervously for a second before thinking thats not what she's here for n collecting her thoughts. she looks more serious as she crosses her arms and says "i wanted to thank you, for the battlefield.. i remember hitting ground and losing my sense, so you must have helped me. thank you. i wont forget this debt" she closed her eyes mid way through that speech and opens them at the end to look for finns reaction Finn: finn takes a short moment to process this and then begins laughing like an anime character, covering half his face with his hand briefly "ha! are all of your kind so lax in showing gratitude? some time that took! i guess cherishing life comes first" he gestures around his shoulders, alluding to her haircut "i would go on, but youve done well coming crawling to me before i took this to you" inward, hes frustrated han is talking to him about this. yes he deserves worship now. yes he wanted to berate her over not thanking him at a crucial time and grind her to dust under his heel. leave it to han to ruin his ambitions. whatever struggle is cementing itself in his mind does not make it outward, he smirks and looks down on her despite being shorter "youve accumulated quite the great debt indeed. know that my altruism is limited and i may not be so generous next time, lest you take care of this..." Han: han is taken aback by the laughter, she just listens to him in a stupor... why is acting like this, she has so much trouble keeping up with- with- with just his everything, the posturing, the tone, the words, its all so frustrating. she just looks lost and confused at the end of his tirade, she goes "...take care of what?" as if they're having two different conversations Finn: finn is still amused despite her being out of the loop. one could say she certainly wasnt objecting to any of his claims or demands. thats good enough. finn sighs and puts a hand on his hip "a debt is something youre obligated to repay. familiar with the concept? or are you just spouting big words you picked up in shorewater?" one might describe his smile as shit eating Han: trying to ignore his ribbing even as it gets under her skin, she goes "yes, i am aware." she brings a hand up to rub her head briefly, muttering "i meant more like--" before cutting herself off and deciding to listen to finn "are you meaning you have something in thought that i could do..?" Finn: finn studies her demeanor. he does have something in mind. "perhaps i do" he cant think of anything that could be better than it. he wants nothing more than to order han to grovel on the floor right here and declare his superiority. in his fantasy, it would even be in front of the vengaboys but he suspects this wont go over very well with them. this is the next best place. he opens his mouth to speak again but thinks it over. his one order that MUST be obeyed. it could be a waste...but then again... this is the only chance he'll get to make any of them prostrate like theyre meant to. uncle vorde will chew him out if he hears about this. the thought makes finn bite his lip "or do you mean to say you havent even thought of anything yourself? how shameful..." Han: han tilts her head in thought and embarrassment? looking somewhere out into the sky, "i mean, usually it just mean i will watch your back in fight..." she looks back at finn,"but if you think i can do something now, thats fine too" she shrugs cluelessly Finn: finns hand twitches, his fingers briefly spasm around nothing. he hasnt done this to anyone in so long. the thrill tempts him so. briefly he feels himself taken back to antessa 10 years ago. and yet... he cant bear it. he can bear the ire, but not the disappointment that clouded his uncles eyes. finn would curse vorde, had he not asked to be changed. the one person he cannot betray. finn shakes his head and sighs "what a blockhead you are... hmph" all tension seems to evaporate there "i cant possibly decide on the spot like this, unbelievable as it is there are quite a few uses for you. when ive assessed an adequate form of atonement ill inform you. and i expect you to do as told, of course" Han: for some reason, han feels like she disappointed finn, a feeling she shoves deep deep DEEP under. she keeps making a lost-n-confused-lamb face at this whole interaction, "well.... okay... if you say so...." she does a mock salute, the kind shes seen shorewater officers do. unsure on the note this conversation ended on, she looks around the deck, not seeing a lot of people. this interaction should have ended but she cant hold in the curiosity- "actually, one more thing. i have questions. about the.." she says quieter "vampire things" Finn: finn snorts at the salute. he finds he doesnt hate this particular moment, as much as it disgusts him to admit this to himself. at the vampire inquiry something in his eyes seems to dull. he takes a look around for himself but decides he doesnt want his secrets overheard even when the chances are low. theres no reason oblige her either, but perhaps itll encourage her to obey in the future. "not here" he says more flatly "somewhere without an audience" he looks at han expectantly, suggesting his own room is not an option Han: han does not pick up on the suggestion and goes "well, either of our rooms works? unless you dont want plum or rokka present..." 🤔 Finn: finn closes his eyes in disbelief for a moment "i would prefer neither of them be present" he would command plum to leave but...... things dont work that way with them "think youll kick rokka out?" he asks sarcastically Han: han laughs friendily n turns to leave, expect finn to follow "why would i do that? i can just ask" and starts walking to her room Finn: "...... i suppose so" he grits out and follows her, frowning all the way there over the fact that they live in completely different worlds Han: stop being crazy finn <3) Finn: he cant..)

The two walk down to Han and Rokka’s room, she asks her roomate politely if he could go hang out with Psalm and Plum for a little as she shuts the door behind them.

Han: han bounce sits on her bed and makes herself comfortable, not really waiting for finn. "so" she gets a bit bashful "i didnt mean to overhear in forest, but u were pretty loud, and it Was forest, but you said you are dispensible?" she leans forward on her knees and turns more serious, facing finn "im pretty sure you hate talking about it but, how does it work? do you need anything? like how you avoid sun? i dont think its good to have party member whose needs we dont know, and i have no idea what vampire means" Finn: finn leans against the wall and crosses his arms like an anime character. he dwells on the question for a moment, unsure if he wants to share his insecurities with someone like her. he does, however, understand her desire for this group to function in battle. he tilts his head at the end of her babbling "you dont know what it means? you only think to ask now?" (<- not as malicious as earlier... more... exhausted. he doesnt have the energy to be particularly mean rn) Han: han feels a bit frustrated too, n gives finn a smirk that lands somewhere btwn genuine and annoyed "everytime someone brings it up, you act like someone shit in your breakfast." she eases up "and like, whatever, i get it. i just want.. how you say.. cohesion. " she brings her hands into a grip to show ~cohesion~ "i only know it means 'blood-sucker' generally, but i imagine folklore i know is different from folklore you know" ends this with a neutral, if a bit unimpressed look, at finn Finn: "what are they like in your folklore?" he also snorts at the wording of 'his folklore' as if he wasnt the unliving, not breathing manifestation of said folklore. making him very much, very real. he wants to hear this before moving on Han: han hmms at the ceiling, recalling "the strzyga is typically born as demon child. they have two hearts, two souls and two sets of teeth, only satisfied by blood of living. although, only elf settlements near us really passed this on" Finn: "well, im glad to confirm that i only have one of each" he raises an eyebrow and lightly bounces his leg, feeling a bit awkward now "im uncertain what it is that eludes you at this point. you seem to understand enough about my condition" Han: han thinks for a second "so blood of living is correct? i havent seen you eat once" pauses and raises an eyebrow to look at finn "are you eating well?" Finn: finn feels like if he were a cupboard, one of the cups was just taken and smashed on the ground. what did she mean if hes eating well? the audacity. the mockery. as if he couldnt take care of himself "han, if i may ask a question in return. do you eat?" his smile is all sorts of ways off, his voice something akin to nails on chalkboard Han: han doesnt rly get why hes so off but whatever! its a simple enough question! she can answer it! she proudly huffs "three meals for day, equal part vegetable and meat" and gives a thumbs up Finn: "and you would not be standing if you didnt eat, yes?" Han: "i could probably go for week without food, if desperate" Finn: finn sighs deeply and rubs his temples "the point is, you were eating throughout the weeks" Han: she nods Finn: "good. start assuming that about the people around you. if you ask me another stupid question im leaving" he grits out Han: han just laughs, like finn said something funny "well, you know, its easier to cook for whole tribe than each person cook for themself, so if you ever need help, you can ask" she grins at him and then remembers something else "then, what was that about being expendable? you seem to be more sturdy than others but not by much" 🤔 Finn: finn facepalms at the fact that han completely missed the point of that but decides itll be for the better if they move on from this. hes back to crossing his arms "even if i die, i wont stay dead. thats why you should leave danger to me. simple, no?" Han: he stares at him for a moment before starting to turn that thought over "hmm... how long would it take for you to come back?" Finn: finn raises an eyebrow "about an hour" Han: "hmmm, then, its much better to just keep you alive. so, no can do, danger will be split equally" ^-^ Finn: finn groans at this "why are you and psalm so unreasonable about this?" Han: han chuckles "how is this unreasonable?" Finn: "if you die, you wont come back. i cant believe you're actually making me state that" he stares at her like she said 1 + 1 doesnt equal 2 Han: han starts listing things on her fingers as she talks "if you die, we are limited in our fire power for an hour. cimm can bring me back immediately if desperate, i know he cant bring you back. anyone's death would not be boon in any situation, so why are you eager to take hit for others?" Finn: "cimmorros resources are better spent elsewhere" he mumbles and takes to staring at the floor "why not make use of my disposition" he cant tell her that a warriors death is the only one he finds suitable for his miserable existence. "but considering how annoying you and psalm are being about this, i dont believe we'll reach an agreement on that anytime soon" Han: han is dense but she can atleast tell when a person is sulking, and she doesnt really want to keep prodding, nor does she really know how to console him, so she just agrees absentmindedly with the last statement and stays quiet for a while "um, i think i got all i needed, really, um..... ... ... do you want to hear embarrassing story about cimmorro...?" her tone is unsure Finn: the urge to leave arises in finn and beats in him like a heart would. hes just about ready to up and leave when han suddenly says that. he looks up from the floor with renewed vigor and sparkly eyes. nodding enthusiastically "yes! yes i would very much like to hear an embarrassing story about cimmorro!"

Han: han honestly didnt expect the 180 in attitude it kinda takes her aback but she goes on in stride "he was coming in so late during our last week, he forgot to take off his tiara thing, and he had to cut it from his hair n the morning" she doesnt rly know if that was a hashtag hit tweet so she just expectantly waits for finns reaction Finn: finns expression goes from happy and bubbly to :TAILSFINN: "cut it from his hair?... why couldnt he just take it off? huh?" he tilts his head like hes trying to pick the story apart from every angle, recalling the way cimmorros hair looks and if he should spent extra time staring at it next time he sees the cleric Han: han gets more worried like shit did i piss him off again?? "no, like, he didnt take it off, and it got more tangled in his hair, since its just some chains and gems..." shes sweating Finn: finn slowly nods like hes starting to understand. its hard to imagine cimmorro would forget such a thing. like himself, he seems very concerned with his appearance... would cimmorro really resort to cutting his hair? finn bites his lip. that man has more skills than he anticipated... making it look like nothing happened. he will have to think hard about how to utilize this story "how odd... i didnt think him to be so forgetful 🤨" evidently, he had hoped for something more hard hitting. but he supposes it is enough that han shared this unprompted "well, thanks for the story. you said you were done interrogating me, right?" Han: han rly wishes this dude would just laugh at this or something... he is putting wayyy too much thought it this... is this what stand up comedy feels like...  "um, yes... thank for your... honesty?" this is cringe Finn: finn nods and makes his way to the door. upon resting his hand on the door knob he looks at her again "evidently i dislike talking about these aspects of myself, but i do want us to succeed when the situation calls for it" with that hes ready to leave Han: han nods earnestly, looking a bit haggered by what just transpired

Finn leaves Han to her room and thoughts as he heads back to bask above deck once more.

Friendly reminder that Lau is not an ally at all, he will play a side that benefits him and his businesses. If something or someone puts him in danger then he will get rid of them to keep himself and Ran Mao safe. If he sees through them, he will do something and if he has to eliminate people he will. 🌝

bands | sixteen

[ series masterlist ]

summary: jeon jungkook has it all: the looks, the fame, the money, the women. being considered the sexiest man in the industry, he finds no complaints about the way his life is going nor does he find any reason to apologize for the way he approaches it. he is a force to be reckoned with - until he meets you.

pairing: stripper!reader x idol!jjk

genre: (18+) strip club/nightlife au, post grad au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 5.0k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, angst, anxiety, alcohol consumption, slight intoxication, physical abuse, slight verbal abuse, belittling, mentions of cuts/wounds but nothing too graphic, mentions of coke

tags: @brightcolorsoffendme @min-nicoleee @eggbutnotyolk @ra-mun-e @miinoongi @jimidol @ppeachyttae @thebeebi @bluesharksandfish @kooafraid @liriaus @thisartemisnevermisses @ggukkieland @preciouschimine @sunniejinnie @cypheruby @cyb3rbab3 @masterlists101 @awhnamjoon @redhedhoseok @wooya1224 @taeismydeath​ @jikookiekosmos​ @un2-verse​ @aynsx​ @wearenot7withu​ @knjeuphoria​ @bringitseijoh​ (closed!)

Jungkook laid on the dorm couch, legs sprawled out as he wore his hood and covered his face as much as possible. He shut his eyes, trying to make sense of the cryptic texts you had sent him.

"We shouldn't do this anymore."

"I can't do this, Jungkook."

"You don't deserve this."

"I'm only trouble."

"We aren't going to work."

He repeatedly called you, asking for an explanation, a way to help make things better because none of this should have been the reason for you to want to call it 'quits' like that. He asked for you to talk to him. He'd call and after two rings, it'd bring him straight to voicemail. It never failed. Indeed, there was much more to the text but he only fixated on a few lines, and those few lines seem to be circling his head time and time again with no sign of leaving him alone.

"I think I'm falling in too deep and I need to stop this while I can. You hear them, you hear the shit they say. I would never let them ruin you, I don't want them to. You deserve better. Maybe it's true that I don't fit into this."

It frustrates him, every single time. Where the hell did he go wrong? Why was there a sudden change? Something was off, and god forbid if his assumptions were right. But, everything was leading right back to it. The way you called in sick, the way you shut everyone out. The way you texted him these things, wouldn't pick up his calls just to tell him you're busy or whatever the hell it was. It didn't sound like you. It didn't seem like you at all.

All things led right back to the club. To Bigs. Where you felt high and mighty. Wanted. Like no one could ever hurt you the way they did outside of the club because they worshipped you in there. They knelt down to you. The way you were so fucking tough there. He knew this is where you would fall back if things got rough. He couldn't help but think that you had been forced into it though, because he knew you didn't give a shit about that anymore. Ah well, forced or not, it just felt so off. Unusual.

"Hey." Namjoon sits on the floor near Jungkook's head. "You good?" He asks even though he's fully aware he's not. Joon hates those people who ask if something's wrong when clearly, something is wrong — however, he wasn't really sure how else to open up this conversation without coming off too pushy or forward. Too insensitive, even.

"Nope."

"What's going on?" Jungkook sighs as he tries to lower his hood even more, although there's no more of his hood to lower. He keeps his hand on his face, trying his hardest to keep himself together.

"I don't know." Now, going back to earlier — everyone can tell Jungkook isn't happy. They've tried to butter him up and make him feel better even though they knew you were the only person who could truly make him happy again. They've tried to talk to him in one way or another, but they never forced him if he didn't want to. The only person that really hasn't said much was Jimin, and that also pisses him off because if he had anything to do with this, he will surely fuck him up for ruining his happiness.

"You hear from Y/N? She still sick? Does she need anything?"

"She's not sick."

"Hm?" Joon slightly turns back, confused.

"Something else is wrong."

"Like what?"

"She's not picking up my calls. Not answering my texts the way she normally does. When she does, it's super blunt or one worded."

"Maybe she's really not feeling well, or just caught up with things—"

"No, hyung. I know her, she always has her priorities straight. Even if she was sick, she wouldn't do this. She wouldn't go as far as to shutting her own brother out."

"Idol life too overwhelming? I get it." Jimin jokes as he walks into the kitchen, making Jungkook shoot his head up to glare at him.

"The fuck, can you not? I don't see why you feel the need to joke around right now."

"Jeez, sorry. I just thought I'd lighten up the mood somehow."

"Come on, dude." Namjoon looks at him with disappointment, Jimin only returning the gesture by rolling his eyes and walking away. "How can I help you?" Joon asks, returning his attention back to Jungkook.

"Maybe I was being selfish bringing her into all of this. These people— they're fucking mean, and she's already had her fair share of dealing with mean people. How am I supposed to protect her all while not feeling selfish about it?"

"You're not selfish, who told you that?"

"Jimin." That's like strike.. whatever to Namjoon at this point. Why the hell was Jimin being so fucking weird?

"Look, I know it's not easy in this industry. But I think what you can do is prove to her that you won't hurt her, especially with everyone around her doing nothing but hurting her. You need to show her that you're different from the rest of them, that she can fully trust you. If I were in her shoes, to be honest, it would be scary for me. You got a whole lot of shit going on in your life. You're expected to provide a lot, and on top of that, you haven't had the best reputation with women."

"Yeah, I hear you."

"Then, nothing else matters. You keep fighting for her if she really matters to you. Does she?"

"Of course she does, I mean, can't you tell? I've never been this way over someone." Joon nods.

"You sure as fuck haven't. It still catches me and the guys by surprise. But, I'm happy to see someone helping you become a better person. She's been nothing but genuinely sweet, and I know she already does a hell of a job taking care of you."

"She's— I don't know. She's become so important to me."

"I know she has, and I'm happy to hear that. I really am." Joon sighs. "So tell me, what can I do? I hate seeing you like this."

"Well, I'm sure as hell not allowed at the club. Bigs will do anything to get back at me for what I did to him. He won't hesitate."

"I won't let him. We won't. You really think she went back?" Jungkook nods.

"Positive. Something doesn't feel right. It feels weird. And I feel like she was egged into this. I don't like it one bit."

"Want me to go check out the club tonight?"

"Yeah, please?" Jungkook says. "But don't be too obvious. Bring Jin hyung or someone who could use a lap dance or two."

"Sooo Jin hyung?" They chuckle.

"Yeah, exactly."

"And if she's there?"

"Then I'm going straight to her tomorrow night. I just need to make sure I do this right because I don't want her or Kai to get hurt. I'll stay out there if I have to just to make sure she doesn't go back. What else do I have to do—" Jungkook pauses to stop himself because this clearly wasn't you. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Who the fuck made her do this?"

"Bigs, who else?"

"No, she wouldn't listen to just Bigs. He's definitely working with someone and using shit against her."

"Okay, let's just not assume the worst. I'll head there tonight and drag Jin hyung with me."

"Thanks hyung, I really appreciate it."

"No problem." Joon gently massages his shoulder before getting up from his spot to make his way back to his room.

All Jungkook can think about doing is sleeping more right now. He'll send the occasional text to check on Kai and see how he was doing, but they both worried too much about you and Jungkook would hate to tell him that you ended up going back to the club. He didn't think he would tell him, he didn't think he'd have to because he was gonna make sure to get you out of there before shit hit the roof again. If it hasn't already, and he's hoping it hasn't.

And so when Namjoon and Jin hyung [obviously in need of that lap dance or two] head out to the club, Jungkook stays in his dorm room, suddenly feeling the adrenaline rushing through his body even though he can't do shit besides sit here and wait. He goes through the random pictures he's taken of you - the cute, candid photos he had of you, the cute candid photo of you as his lock screen. He deletes all the texts in his inbox even though he knows it might have been a little late. It honestly hasn't mattered to him in such a long time, but he just never got around to wiping his inbox clean since he was so caught up with you - his baby.

"Is this going to turn into some kind of action movie? We bust through the doors, take down all the guards and steal Y/N?"

"No, hyung. Jesus. Do you forget you're an idol? That's probably the very last thing we should do."

"So, what do we do?"

"We just walk in there like we normally do?"

"Boring."

"Plus, we can't have Bigs onto us like that. We have to act like we don't know anything."

"Do you really think he's using something against her?"

"I don't know. I have to be honest though, I think Jimin's involved."

"W-what?" Jin says, furrowing his brows. "No, he can't be."

"Trust me. He always acts so weird around her, and he's probably the one person who hasn't taken this as seriously. He hasn't said anything to Jungkook."

"But why though?"

"I don't know, beats me. I just don't think he respects her. Or, likes her. Whatever it is."

"She hasn't done anything to him though."

"That makes it worse, doesn't it?"

"How could you be so sure?"

"Look hyung, I'm not. I just think he's involved. My gut says so. We'll find out whether I'm right or not, right?"

"I hope you aren't. That'll really mess Kookie up."

"Well. I love him, but he'll have to learn the hard way for butting into someone else's business like that. No matter what the reason is." Namjoon parks the car and fixes his rolled up sleeves before adjusting the Rolex on his wrist. He looks at Jin once more, nodding in approval once they both feel like they've fixed themselves enough to look presentable, not questionable.

Meanwhile, you had just finished up your time on stage so you headed to the back to take a break. Bigs hadn't given you the option to secure private bookings knowing damn well there would be opportunity for Jungkook and some of his boys to slip through and try to work their magic in private. As much as possible, you were just trying to protect Jungkook, even though you knew he wouldn't back down without a fight. You knew Bigs wasn't all that tough, but right now, he seemed to hold a lot of power with Jimin being on his team. And you knew damn well it was Jimin all along. Did you have concrete evidence? No. But your gut feeling might as well be enough with the way he talks to you. Why else would Bigs all of a sudden feel all mighty? Bigs had threatened Jungkook and your brother enough to keep your mouth shut. Enough to keep your attitude level at a 0.

The scene played in your head over and over again—

"I gave you a better life, you ungrateful piece of shit. You do as I say and your little Jungkook and your little Kai won't get hurt. You think I'm scared of them, sweetie? You think I'm scared of you? Your stepfather don't give a damn about you two. I can easily send my men down to do their magic, especially after how Jungkook treated me. Is that how he repays me after all the special treatment I've given him?" Mr. Bigs hunched over you. "You two wanna play me like a fool, I'll show you two what it's like to be played like a fool." He pulled on your hair before aggressively releasing and spitting to the side.

There was no way they would get dragged into this. Not anymore. They didn't deserve to be included in this no matter what it was.

Boy, did you miss Jungkook. Everything about him. It took everything in you not to come running back. It took everything in you not to answer those calls or texts like you normally would.

You chose him, every single time. You wish he knew that. Him and Kai.

You sighed, sipping on the flask you snuck in. The alcohol relieving you of any pain, helping you feel numb as the night goes on. You didn't want to feel tonight, you just didn't. Why would you, when everything had just been hurting you lately?

You had just finished dancing out on the main stage, throwing your ass back to some Megan and Cardi. A few other dancers were gathered at a vanity, sneakily sniffing lines of coke while Bigs and his men were busy paroling the main stage.

"You want some of this, sis? In celebration of you coming back?" One of the other dancers smirks at you. You simply shake your head no and return to the flask in your hand.

"I'm good, thank you."

"Alright, well it's here if you want it. Just let me know, babe." Her and the other dancers go back to their business on the vanity. However, another dancer continues to eye you, sympathy filling her expression as she approaches you while you sip on your flask once more. You were starting to feel pretty tipsy again, hoping you could just hide out in the back 'till the very end of your shift.

"Y/N." She says, her hand gently on your arm. "You okay?"

"I'm good." You purse your lips together to prevent yourself from tearing up. Those words were triggering for you because you were not okay, whatsoever.

"Why did you come back, babe?" She genuinely asks, worried about you. "Did Bigs do something?"

"No." You lied. "Things just didn't work out elsewhere I guess, and I need money."

"Didn't work out? I saw the way Jungkook handled Bigs that night." If anything, she was probably the one dancer who paid attention to the environment around her. Everyone else was oblivious to the shit that's been happening and that's because they didn't give a fuck about anyone else. Her stage name was Trixie, but her real name was Miki. She too didn't really enjoy being here but her parents talked so much about how she was useless and couldn't make it out in the world, especially as a vlogger. She loved it. She loved being in front of the camera and talking to the world thru the lens. But her parents thought it was dumb— that she was dumb for even wanting to grow a career online like that. Besides all of it, she remained sweet, and she was always super nice to you. You wouldn't be surprised if she knew about you and Jungkook, and you honestly wouldn't have a problem with it. She never treated you wrong. She knew Bigs had a tendency to overstep and abuse the power he had with his status and his money. However, she knew he was a big coward and that he was all talk, no play — especially if it was outside of the club. He may be a big honcho here, but outside, he had no chance. And she couldn't wait until the day he'd get his for all the mess he's caused.

"Yeah well, things happen." She shakes her head.

"Y/N, you can talk to me. Look, as much as I love seeing your face, you have so much potential. You don't deserve to be stuck here. Let me help you figure this out."

"I'm okay, Miki. Thank you, though." She nods, not wanting to press you any further.

"Well, I'm here for you." She gives your arm one good squeeze before walking off.

Eventually, the rest of the dancers retreat back out onto the floor, leaving you to hide away in the back room as long as possible — which is why Namjoon can't get a glimpse of you anywhere out in the main area. Bigs is actually a little taken aback to see both him and Jin walking through the club, even after everything that has gone down. But hey, business is business— and if they weren't gonna cause any trouble, so be it. He knows though, he knows full well there's a possibility they're here for you.

"Boys! Long time no see!" He greets them, Joon and Jin giving him a toothless smile in return. "How've you been? What brings you in?"

"Mr. Bigs." Namjoon says, smoothing down his shirt. "Ah, we're good, just getting busy prepping for the tour. Wanted to take a little breather tonight."

"Well, I'm glad you guys came here to do so. Can I get you two anything to drink?" The both of them shake their heads. "Anything to help relieve that stress?"

"We're good, thanks. Just gonna sit out on the floor for a bit."

"You two let me know if there's anything I can do for you, at all." Bigs smiles at them as he begins to watch them walk away. "Make sure she's covered." Bigs slightly turns his head to speak through the headset mic, alerting his men to keep an eye out. He thinks he's said it low enough so that Jin and Namjoon don't hear, but Jin catches the movement in his peripherals, causing him to pinch Joon's bicep.

"Back room." Jin says, subtly nodding towards the backroom as he keeps his gaze out on the main stage and adjusts his tie. Namjoon looks around to see Bigs has welcomed himself to the other side of the club, speaking to a few customers, looking distracted.

"I'm gonna go see if I can talk to her."

"Talk?! You said we were just scoping her out. Don't cause any trouble, Namjoon-ah. Please."

"Oh, now you suddenly don't want this action movie to come alive?! You sure were talking a whole lot about it in the car."

"Since when do you even take me seriously?!"

"I always take you seriously, hyung!"

"How about you just sneak towards the back door and get her attention? You said we can't go all out like that!"

"There's guards there too."

"Look, I just don't want you or Y/N to get hurt. Maybe we should just lay low and figure out how we can approach this better."

"Hey, can I get you two anything?" Miki interrupts, fully aware of who they are and what they're here for.

"No, sweetie. Thank you." Jin responds, flashing his 100-watt smile.

"You looking for Y/N?"

"Depends who's asking?" Namjoon says, trying to keep his guard up.

"Look, I'm not gonna rat you out if that's what you think." She puts her hand on her hip, tray still balancing on her free hand. "She's in the backroom. But there's no way you can get to her. Bigs is watching her for whatever reason."

"Yeah, we're aware. Can you send her a message for me?"

"Sure. You have 10 seconds though or else Bigs is gonna be onto you." She points towards Bigs slowly making his way back.

"Just tell her that Jungkook is worried about her and wants to help. Or, we want to help. We just wanna know what's going on."

"I'll try, but she didn't let up when I asked earlier."

"Thanks." Joon sighs.

"Shoo, I'll find you guys around." She says, sneakily walking off towards the bar with her empty tray as Bigs starts to eye the main floor. Jin and Namjoon welcome themselves to a seat on the side of the stage, acting normal as possible by throwing bills onto the stage for the dancers. Miki tends to her customers before she's setting her tray down and pretending to take a cigarette from her bra to take a quick "break." She heads to the back to see you still sitting at your vanity, head resting against the palm of your hand.

"Babe." You turn to look at her, eyes slightly glossed over.

"Hm?"

"RM and Jin are here. They said they want to help you, and if you can tell them anything, that's all they'd want."

"Miki—"

"Girl, look. Don't let this man keep running your life like this. I don't care what he said or did, this isn't you. You need to get out of here and you need to let people in. People who genuinely care about you." You sigh.

"How is that possible when Jungkook's own bestfriend doesn't even like me? And ontop of that, Bigs even dragged my little brother and my evil ass stepfather into this. I can't let anything happen to him, he's the only thing I have."

"I get that, and I'm sure Jungkook will do whatever it takes to protect you both. Why are RM and Jin here then? Whatever Jungkook's other friend's issue is, he needs to figure it out. It's obviously his own problem, something he created himself for no reason."

"I know he's helping Bigs keep me away from Jungkook. All the hurtful shit in the media, all the shit he's been tossing in my face. Whatever, I get it. He wins. I don't belong."

"Don't say that."

"It's true, and I know even if I chose Jungkook, he'd choose his bestfriend over me. Why would he go against that? They've been together for so long. I'm a fucking nobody." Miki knows this is all the alcohol running through your veins, but at least now, she knows Bigs isn't doing this on his own [as she assumed, he's a fucking pussy for the most part - he's a pussy who got handsy with the dancers cause that's all he can do to feed his ego].

"I don't think that's true, and I don't think it's a fair assumption when he's stayed by your side, hasn't he? He hasn't given up on you." She says before walking out. Really, things were just completely scrambled in your head. Just fucked up. Your questions, your uncertainty was strong enough to pull you towards the negative - the what if's, the assumptions, the rumors, the shit-talking. After all that, the positives were dim.

Miki grabs her tray and serves the first couple of customers in dire need of their drinks before she heads over to Jin and Namjoon to spill the information she received from that conversation.

"She won't budge. It sounds like a lot of this shit talking got to her head, so she came back to make herself feel better but then Bigs ended up turning this around on her, threatening Jungkook and her brother. If I were you, I'd get Jungkook to her before she can even come back here. Make sure her brother is with him too. Bigs is all talk but being the guys that you are — I wouldn't take any chances to ruin your reputation and all that." She smacks on her gum. "And I hate to tell you this, but one of your little friends has been working with Bigs. I don't know who, but you better let that little shit know he was wrong for getting in her head like that. She deserves way better." She says with a punch of attitude before walking away.

"Jimin?" Jin mouths out to Namjoon, who only shrugs in response.

"Let's go." Namjoon tosses a couple of more bills before they head out.

"Have a good evening, boys." Bigs yells out, causing the two of them to return a tight-lipped smile.

"Are we going to tell Kookie about Jimin?"

"No? Because we don't even know ourselves. His name was never dropped, and we'll look dumb if we acted on assumptions."

"This is so fucked up." Jin sighs, looking out the window.

"You're telling me."

When they finally arrive back at the dorm, Namjoon and Jin find Jungkook pacing around in his room, tossing a rubber ball against the wall to keep himself occupied. His doe eyes dart over to them, letting the ball drop to the floor while he nervously walks closer to them.

"So?"

"I'm sorry, dude." Joon sighed. "From what it sounds like, all this mess just got to her head so she went back to the club to make herself feel better. But Bigs ended up bringing you and her brother into the situation so, I'm assuming she's distancing herself to protect you in some way?" Namjoon runs his hand through his hair. "Honestly, I really don't know, that's as much as we got."

"We didn't even talk to her or see her, some other dancer helped us out. I guess she's a friend of hers? Or maybe she just likes Y/N. She wanted to help." Jin says.

"Fuck!" Jungkook groans, slamming his hand down onto his bed. "Why couldn't she just talk to me? We could have figured this out."

"Look, I'm sure there's a lot more to it and I'm sure it's difficult for her. Promise me you'll hear her out when you see her."

"I mean, yeah I know, I will. But, how did this get to her head so easily? I really can't wrap my head around it, I—" He catches how tense Joon and Jin suddenly get. He watches them nervously looking at each other, making him cock his head to the side and furrow his brows. "Wait, what is it? You know something else, don't you?"

"I mean there's really no concrete facts behind it so we can't necessarily say it's true."

"Well?" Jungkook asks, his fists clenched so tightly his knuckles are turning white. But, before they could go any further, Jungkook's ringtone echos in the room. He quickly turns in case it's you calling, but he picks up anyway because it's someone equally as important.

"Kai?"

"C-can you come pick me up? My sister isn't picking up. I'll send you Eric's address." Jungkook worries when he hears the shakiness in his voice, his tone low to a whisper.

"Yeah, sit tight. I'll be right there." He hangs up, darting out of his room, Namjoon and Jin following after him.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to get to Kai."

"Let us come with!"

"Look, it'll be quicker if I go myself—"

"Jungkook-ah, stop. We're not gonna let you go alone." Joon and Jin make it just in time to join him in the elevator, heading straight for his car even if it's nearing 1am. Jungkook pulls up Kai's location, pressing on the gas to rush over there just in case Kai was hurt. And yes, Jungkook was going to give it to your fucking stepfather if he sees anything on Kai. He will fucking destroy him, he promises.

Jungkook, Namjoon and Jin walk into the house quietly, seeing Kai putting his finger up to his lips when he meets them near the kitchen.

"What happened?" Jungkook whispers, handing his bags over to Namjoon and Jin. Jungkook looks at the small hint of blood pooling near his nostrils and the cut near his eyebrow.

"I'll explain in the car, can you just take me to—"

"Really? Calling your sister's boyfriend and his friends over to save you? You really are a helpless little shit." Namjoon, Jin and Jungkook are all shielding each other and Kai from Eric, Jungkook's blood boiling seeing him standing there, clearly very drunk and not in the right state of mind.

"Aye, don't fucking talking to him like that." Jungkook's spits out, making Eric laugh.

"First you fall for my slut of a daughter, now you help rescue him? I thought you were so much better than that, Jungkook. You aren't the person people portrayed you to be. Shittiest idol I know. All of you."

"You don't know me." Eric snorts.

"You guys do know I help sponsor your shit right? I play a big role for you, don't come into my house acting like—" He slurs his words.

"Yeah, well fuck the contract." Namjoon's jaw clenches. "Better yet, don't fucking worry about it, I'll make sure to take care of it for you."

"You need me." Eric says, almost at a growl.  "You need me and Bigs—"

"Since when?" Namjoon responds in a mocking manner as he begins to usher Jin, Jungkook and Kai towards the front door. "If you wanna send your people over, you can let them know I'm free tomorrow in the late afternoon. I'll be more than happy to tell 'em what kind of sick person you are."

"You can't just take him—" Eric tries to flip the script, obviously unaware that Kai has already turned 18. He grips onto Kai's arm and tries to pull him back, except he's intoxicated, so Jungkook easily pushes him off. He watches as Eric hits a bar stool, stumbling over himself before he drunkily falls on his ass.

"You're such a sad excuse of a stepfather, you aren't even aware he's 18 already. He doesn't need you." Jungkook scoffs. "I'm gonna send people for the rest of Kai's shit tomorrow. And let's get this straight - we never needed you or Bigs. You both aren't shit without us and yout fucking empire thrives because of us. And if you do anything to Y/N, if you even think about working with Bigs on doing anything to her, I fucking promise you I will bury you alive. I won't stop until you have nothing left. Don't underestimate me."

everybody's angry and they're coming for me, but i can't give them energy that i won't receive; so i brush 'em off, i got a lot on my sleeve, like i'm moving backwards, but it's all on repeat; this place is getting crowded, i got no room to breathe

track twelve: hundred - khalid

Do you think Dirk saying that he doesn't like to label himself as gay means he has internalized homophobia? Or does he really just don't like to put labels on himself? I've seen ppl saying it's homophobia but there's ppl in real life that don't feel comfortable with labels so I'm a bit confused honestly, cus we are talking about Dirk and he's... Dirk after all

Easy answer: Dirk is Gay.

Prolonged answer: I think it's kinda weird how some fandom discussion around "Dirk dodging the label in One pesterlog" has largely spiraled way outside of its original context to be talked about in a vacuum, especially when that context is crucial to understanding what is actually being said, AKA — it belongs to a deeply awkward conversation between Dirk and Roxy. One of Many they are implied to have had about the subject of Roxy's sustained, unwelcome, and oft drunken advances towards Dirk (& his splinters).

I'm going to reproduce it plus another bit of text down below, for the sake of comparison.

(To prevent the trickster text from looking like absolute shit, I have altered the background. Read the original here, if you're nasty: https://www.homestuck.com/story/5754 )

Now that we've been reacquainted with how and where that sentiment is expressed, let's try to break down what Dirk is doing here.

He is not receptive to Roxy's early advances, and spends most of the 'intro' for this conversation (not pictured) ignoring when Roxy flirts with him, until she gets upset at how 'boring' he is being right now.

Dirk is the one compelled to apologize.

He proceeds to shut the scenario down as an unwanted probability, eliciting further guilt-babbling from Roxy over how Dirk never wants to play along with the perfect traditional family fantasy, until she finally blows up and says it's because he's gay.

"I mean, yeah, that's what I thought."

Dirk, rather than saying I Am Not Gay, since he looooooves changing a conversational subject, claims that "Gay" is not entirely historically appropriate for this situation, given the non-negligible passage of time and the wildly dystopic circumstances* they find themselves in.

Dirk reassures Roxy he does still care about her.

Dirk is absolutely terrified of a similarly inclined (and intoxicated) Roxy up close. This is the most exclamations he's ever used.

Now, *These circumstances? The loss of 99% of the human race, including their society, customs, culture, and prejudices. (ALLEGEDLY.) It's important to remember that from Dirk and Roxy's side of the timetable, troll culture has been pushed as "the norm" for actual fucking centuries. HIC tried to recreate the caste system by artificially coloring human blood, leading to the death of billions. Faygo came out of the water tap, not water. Troll slang was incorporated into the English language. Humans ceased to organically reproduce. They were actively Discouraged from reproducing, since that's not something HIC could have total genetic control over; rendering traditional marriage and the concept of the nuclear family pointless.

You could also argue that same-gender relationships are not uncommon in Alternia, making "gay" altogether unnecessary by proxy, and that's true! But my point is this one: any union (or at least our society's holy concept of it) between straightie humans would be by definition undesirable under HIC's rule, too. She is the church, the president and the governing body. The population is only as good as they are assets for her to do whatever she wants with, including mass murder.

But wait! While that tracks… Roxy clearly still holds onto very 'conservative' definitions of romance for most of Homestuck. We see this multiple times. Dirk, as proved in conversations with Jake, uses 'gay' as an ironic pejorative. Suddenly it's not Historically Inaccurate anymore, Jake's interests are just gay.

Does this mean the context above is basically worthless, since they don't seem to have internalized it? No.

What must be kept in mind is this: Dirk and Roxy's only "active" link to de facto humanity is our society as it was in the early 2010's. Those glimpses they get by talking with jane and jake. They have all that dystopic context, yes, but the reality that seems the most "unfucked" to them for a grand majority of their lives are the halcyon years before the Condesce's rise to power: back when weed was illegal, BlogSpot was popular, movies sucked, MTV was still a hip channel, and gay generally meant something real bad. The wave of homophobia as a punchline or fear mongering tactic was at THE HEIGHTS. Marriage equality was a hot debate topic. Those were the dayz.

Dirk is keenly aware of the taboo implication the word "Gay" as a self-denomination carries. He's no dummy. But he's rarely direct with his intentions either. He's slippery as a bar of soap. (He's never "straight about his feelings", if you prefer.) And for a guy that cares so much about his reputation and maintaining a curated sense of utter coolness, he wants to avoid outing himself as any sort of weirdo no matter the cost.

But that's not all. I think the gravity of just how much Dirk believes he *owes* Roxy simply for existing as the last human in the same timeframe as her is a severely underplayed aspect of Dirk's core character, together with how much he tries to avoid her sexual advances only to end up feeling like absolute shit over it, because — if they truly are the last people on god's blighted earth, isn't he being "selfish" and "irrational" about not feeling shit for Roxy, in the grand scale of things? Is Roxy not his only friend in tangible reality, even if he avoids the mere suggestion of visiting her? Even if she gets black-out drunk and tries to push him into indulging her, regardless of how many times he's already said no?

(Spend enough time here and you realize how it directly mirrors the jane/jake experience.)

Dirk cares a lot about each and every one of his friends.

He pointedly adapts his speech based on whichever one of them he's talking to in an effort to express that investment. May it be reassuring Jane, fooling around with Jake, or trying to prevent Roxy from falling into a total catatonic doom-spiral; he avoids telling them anything that would be too crushing to hear. That's not what he's trying to do here. Not to say that he isn't bitchy sometimes, but that’s far from the central thing he does. The Epilogues have retroactively led people to believe that Dirk abhors and despises every single person he's ever been close to before (god forbid) LIKING them, and I think buying too much into that assumption ignores the foundations of his canon text, as well as the central motivation behind 99% of his actions in the story. This is the guy that grew up on Friendship Is Magic, has a picture of rainbow dash shamefully glued to one wall and a rainbow poster of Jake's symbol stapled to another, and everything he does is a little cringe attempt to demonstrate his worth by showing how much he cares about people, even when he's punching his actual feelings down instead of up and saying them.

Which brings us back to the load-bearing part of this question: Admitting to Roxy that there is absolutely no fucking way he will ever agree to having her babbys because he is gay is precisely the opposite of what Dirk wants to say, if his intention isn't pulverizing her. So he doesn't. And his worry on this regard is such that it prevents Dirk from even telling Roxy that he does love her, in the platonic sense, as a friend and hell-earth survivor, because he knows that specificity is what that would disappoint her greatly. (He only ever confesses this to Jane, on the death slabs.)

But also I think this is a really funny visual of Dirk's relationship with the word gay, to put statements into perspective:

Secret Dreams Chapter 2: Meeting the Wayne’s

Marinette woke from the dream zone, leaving her alone in the empty bed of her hotel room. While Aunt Penny, Uncle Jagged, and herself were staying at the same hotel, Marinette had a separate room from the couple.

When she went to open her eyes the sun was shining directly in them, temporarily blinding her, which was strange since she had closed the curtains last night. Squinting her eyes open slowly to let them adjust to the bright light. Marinette tensed when she could make out the shape of a person.

“Rise and Shine my little rockstar!”

Relaxing, Marinette groaned at her Uncle's childish antics.

“It’s too early for you to have this much energy!” Marinette whined, pulling her pillow over her face.

“Nah, no such thing as too much energy!” Jagged informs her. “Besides we're meeting up with Brucie and a couple of his kids at W.E. today.”

Marinette grinds at that piece of information before quickly replacing it with a scowl. She removed the pillow from her face and glared at Jagged.

“I’m not going anywhere without having some form of caffeine first.” Marinette bargains

“Well then isn’t it a good thing that I got us both coffee?” Penny suggests as she walks in to hand Marinette her cup. “After all, not all of us wake up as energetic as Jagged does.”

“Gasp, Betrayed by my wife!” Jagged cried, placing a hand over his heart dramatically.

“Did? Did you just say Gasp?” Marinette questioned looking a lot less annoyed and more like she was about to explode from laughter.

“I know what I said, little rockstar!” Jagged exclaimed as if it would help his case. Instead of the desired effect, Penny and Marinette burst into laughter.

Penny wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes, “Jagged is right though little star” causing Jagged to preen a bit at the praise. Penny just shook her head at his antics, "We're meeting up with a few of the Waynes to discuss any final details for the charity gala."

Marinette nodded her head before taking a sip of her coffee, letting out a pleased sigh.

"Let me shower and get ready, then we can head out?" Marinette suggested. Penny agreed and dragged Jagged out to let her get ready. 

Marinette grabbed an outfit out of her suitcase that she had forgotten to unpack the previous night. Entering the bathroom and locking the door, disappearing until she was ready for the day.

"Well, today seems like it'll be a fun day, huh Sugar cube?" Plagg asks rhetorically, grinning as he abandons his hiding spot.

"You think any kind of chaos is fun, stinky socks!" Tikki argues leaving her spot as well. 

Once the kwamis of creation and destruction came out of hiding, the rest followed suit. Most of the kwamis moved towards the mini-fridge to grab their breakfasts. Some of them settled on the counter while others moved to sit on the bed or couch.

The kwamis made idle chit-chat until Marinette left the bathroom. She was wearing a high collar ivory blouse with long frilly sleeves and lace details. The blouse was tucked into her black high waist sailor shorts, with gold buttons and trim. She spends only a few minutes debating whether to wear platform heels or her knee-high black combat boots before deciding to go with the boots. 

“Which of us would you prefer to join you today Mademoiselle Guardian?” Kaalki questions with her usual grace and elegance.

“Hmm, maybe you, Tikki, Plagg, and Trixx?” Marinette considers it before nodding to herself. “Yeah, let’s go with the four of you. Unless any of you wish to stay here?”

“And miss the chaos? Don’t be ridiculous, Sugar cookie!” Plagg answers with mock offense. Trixx nodded their head in agreement with Plagg’s statement.

Tikki let out a sigh, “Someone has to keep you from getting into trouble.” Shaking her head in amusement, “Might as well be my luck.”

“As you wish, Mademoiselle Guardian. I have no issues with your decision.” Kaalki informs her.

“All right then! Let’s get going before Uncle Jagged comes to get me.” Marinette makes a face at that, making the kwamis laugh. “Have a nice day everyone. Remember, don’t be seen, and don’t cause too much trouble.”

Each kwami gave their agreement to stay out of sight and not make trouble. Marinette nodded her head, grabbing her small black backpack for her sketchbook, pencils, and the kwamis. After checking that she had everything, Marinette made her way towards the lobby. Once there, she had no trouble spotting her Aunt and Uncle. Easily making her way towards them.

“Ready to go little star?” Penny questioned

“Yup! Plus I’m much more awake after finishing my coffee and taking a shower.” Marinette smiled as they started walking out of the hotel.

Jagged led them to a sleek black car with an older gentleman standing next to it.

“A pleasure to see you again Master Jared.” the man politely clams, only to have Jagged tackle him into a hug.

“Good to see ya, Alfie!” Jagged exclaimed as he pulled away.

“You must be Mrs. Rolling and Miss Dupain-Cheng?” the man, Alfie? Questioned. Receiving a nod from both Penny and Marinette.

“But feel free to call me Marinette. My last name is a bit of a mouth full.” 

“And Penny is fine for me, Monsieur.”

“Of course Mrs. Penny, Miss Marinette. Master Bruce sent me as your ride to W.E., and anywhere else you may go during your stay. My name is Alfred Pennyworth, but please call me Alfred.”

Once introductions were over and done with, the group moved into the car. Heading towards Wayne Enterprise.

Marinette looked out of the windows of the car, watching the gothic architecture pass by. Damian had been right about the city seeming dark and gloomy. He was also right about it being the perfect inspiration for her new clothing line, Shadows. Marinette took out her sketchbook and got to work, not even noticing the time passing by.

“We have arrived,” Alfred claimed as he turned off the car, stepping out and opening the car doors for them. “Simply head to the reception desk and introduce yourselves. They have already been made aware of your appointment.” and with that Alfred reentered the car, driving off, presumably, back to Wayne Manor.

They did as Alfred instructed and were taken up to Bruce Wayne’s office. Jagged knocked on the Office door. After a few moments, Mr. Wayne appeared in the doorway.

“Jared, I’m glad you could make it,” he said welcoming them into the office. “Am I right to assume that these lovely ladies are your wife and niece?”

“That’d be a right on assumption” Jagged agreed. “This is my wife Penny Rolling, she’s also my lovely assistant.”

“It’s nice to meet one of Jagged's childhood friends, feel free to call me Penny.”

Jagged continues with the introduction, “And this little rockstar is my niece and designer, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Wayne. You can call me Marinette, my last name is a bit of a mouth full.” 

“Please call me Bruce, there’s no need to be so formal.” Once Marinette nodded her head, Bruce started to introduce his kids. “These are a few of my children. My second eldest son Jason Todd-Wayne, my second youngest son Timothy Drake-Wayne, and my daughter Cassandra Cain-Wayne.”

Marinette smiled at them before taking a seat on the office couch to sketch. She mostly stayed out of the business conversation, only really talking when the conversation had to do with herself. Marinette took time to observe the Waynes for herself because while she trusted Damian with her life, he was their younger sibling and therefore biased.

Marinette observed Jason first. He was sarcastic and would throw in snarky comments now and then. When Jason wasn’t talking, he would be reading his book which seemed to be a classic novel. Marinette let out an amused huff when she realized that Damian’s description was accurate. He’s a book nerd wrapped in spikes and leather.

She noticed that the attention had turned to her, most likely because she had no reason to be amused. Marinette simply raised an eyebrow towards them until they went back to the previously abandoned conversation.

Her observation moved to Timothy, or Tim, who seemed to be exhausted but he easily kept up with the conversation. She noticed that he was holding a thermos for what seemed like dear life. Now the caffeine zombie made more sense. In all honesty, Marinette thought that the caffeine dependence was a “mood.”

The attention once again turned to herself. ‘Must have said that out loud’ Marinette assumed. She simply ignored the attention until the conversation started again. Once the conversation was flowing freely, she went back to her observations.

When Marinette looked in Cassandra’s, or Cass’s, direction, she found that Cass was already looking at her. Curiosity clear in her eyes. It would seem like Damian was right with all of his information on his siblings. Cass was trying to read her body language. Marinette quickly thought of an idea, tensing all the muscles in her body to slowly relax them as she quickly turned her attention to her sketchbook, pretending to be embarrassed.

When Marinette looked back up, Cass looked amused, causing Marinette to smirk. The smirk seemed to confuse Cass, who tilted her head to the side as if trying to look at her from a different angle to get a better read. Marinette simply copied Cass’s movement, making both girls seem confused. Cass continued to change her body language only to have Marinette copy it. A smile appeared on Cass’s face.

“Can we keep?” Cass asked gesturing to Marinette, which made Marinette burst into laughter.

The others in the room looked confused before realization appeared on the Waynes’ features.

“You can’t just ask to adopt people out of nowhere Cassandra,” Bruce said with a sigh.

“Keep?” Cass asked again with her best puppy dog eyes. Bruce simply shook his head, causing Cass to pout.

That seemed to be the last straw as everyone burst into laughter.

_____________________

Marinette collapsed onto her bed with a smile. Letting herself be consumed into the exhaustion from the day. She drifted off to the dream zone once again.

Tag list: @little-bluestar @redbullgivescaswings @stackofrandomstuff @meismu @maskedpainter @nyx-in-line @iamabrownfox @m0chik0furan @jjmjjktth

Are you happy? [2/2] +18

Part One

Pairing: Ex!Chris Evans x Fem!Reader

Summary: After almost two years without seeing each other, fate brings you together again, each of you has your own reason for the reunion, which brings your feelings to the surface again.

Warnings: Angst. Sentimental confusion. Infidelity. Unprotected sex.

Word count: 3975

A/N: Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

John Steinbeck once said 'One can find so many pains when the rain is falling', you had never understood that phrase, never until that very moment. The drops seemed to descend fiercely, crashing firmly against your face, you hardly realised at what point the intensity of the rain had become so extreme, as you continued to be completely blocked from contemplating the face before you, and time never stopped.

The red brick of the Victorian houses, decorated with colourful flower boxes, seemed to create an idyllic scene of which you two were the protagonists in that narrow alley, but neither of you noticed. Words that could not now be erased from your mind had come out of his mouth, a mouth that was at that moment half-open as if it wished to express something else, but did not. You had had to deal with enough events in your life to know how to deal with any new moment that came your way, at least you thought you had, but you would never have thought you would have to face this. A dilemma opened up in your mind, but also in your heart, you were sure that you loved Chris with all your heart, you had loved him for as long as you could remember, he was your childhood friend, you never knew when your feelings became romantic, he didn't know either, but you had your assumptions.

Anyway, that love had never gone away, and it was never going to go away, it was going to be there for the rest of your lives, but things were not as simple as they might seem. Your love might have worked during your adolescence, during your youth, but when things got serious, somehow or other the relationship didn't move forward. There were no third parties, no cheating on either side, just different paths. Each of you had your own dreams that pushed you further and further apart, so far apart that you decided to end the relationship, which was not in the most amicable way possible.

The last two years were difficult for you, your smile had vanished from your face, but Garret appeared to give it back to you. You believed again that love was possible, and of course, although you always used to keep Cjris in mind, for which you used to blame yourself all the time, life seemed to be much simpler. Partly because of that, and because you loved him, you had accepted Garret's hand a month ago, but unfortunately you couldn't help imagining Chris the moment you said 'yes, I want to marry you'. And now there he was, Chris, in front of you, telling you that he was still in love with you and you could barely say a word because you had no idea how you felt, you didn't want to hurt anyone, you didn't want to suffer or anyone else to suffer because of you, but apparently it was too late.

Raindrops slid down your face, wiping away tears that you barely realised were flowing from your eyes, which were staring into Chris's. The radiant rays of sunshine had disappeared, bringing gloom to an autumnal morning, only the sound of the thunderstorm could be heard. The radiant rays of sunshine had disappeared, offering the gloom of an autumnal morning, only the rumbling of the storm could be heard. Chris finally lowered his face, nodding to himself, as if he had assumed defeat by not saying anything in the situation.

"Alright," those words came from inside him with a sigh. "I guess there's not much more to say," there was a moment of silence, in which he offered you one last chance to speak, but you could not. "All the best Y/N."

The lump in his throat that had been present since Chris had left his feelings open was massified when you heard your name forming on his lips. Before he turned away and continued on his way through the alleyway, he returned his eyes to yours in the hope that you would take control of yourself and stop him, but again you didn't. So you stood there, letting the rain wash over every part of you. So you stood there, letting the rain wash over every part of your body, watching as his figure gradually disappeared until he turned the corner and you lost him, lost him completely.

You had lost track of time since you left that coffee shop, you were stopped in that place for minutes, until your lower limbs mechanically carried you back to the car, where you remained silent for fifteen minutes. Your senses didn't seem to react, perhaps because you didn't want to feel, because you knew that if you felt you would be capable of doing something crazy, which would surely hurt someone a lot and you didn't want that to happen. His words played over and over in your brain, you glimpsed the blue of his eyes, the smile as you entered the cafeteria, his scent flowing into your nostrils, and his touch as you snuggled into his arms. It was like an internal torture that you couldn't get rid of, that you didn't really want to get rid of. Because who would want to get rid of the love of their life?

It was when the moisture on your face dried up that you realised that the wateriness of your eyes was not because of the raindrops but because you were broken. That revealed a large part of your feelings, your true feelings, which you had kept hidden, you loved him, with all your heart, as you had never loved anyone else, you had loved him for as long as you could remember, how could you not continue to love him?

A click made you connect again and brought you back to the real world, maybe your emotions were running high, but for once in your life you decided to act in the moment, leaving rationality aside, which had not allowed you to act before. You started the engine of the car, you knew perfectly well which direction you were going to take, you had travelled that road so many times that you hardly had to think about how to get to his house, where you hoped he would be. Your heart was racing and your adrenaline was pumping, but your hands around the steering wheel reminded you of that engagement ring on your left ring finger, causing you to slow down and stare at it. What the hell were you doing? If you did what you had in your mind two options were open to you, one was to make the biggest mistake of your life, the other was to win back the love of your life by breaking Garret's heart. Whichever you chose, someone would lose out.

Cars overtook you on the left as you kept wondering what to do, while the sky was still overcast and the rain was pouring down. Time became your enemy again, causing you to arrive in front of Chris's house without clearing your mind. You felt like you were back in the coffee shop, wondering whether or not to go in, whether or not to confront Chris. You turned off the engine of the car and dropped your forehead on the steering wheel, you could hear the drops falling hard on the roof of the car, which seemed to help you relax, strangely. You turned your face, staring at the front door of the house through the window, completely wet. The cafeteria had been a neutral place, this house was not, too many memories enveloped those four walls to go inside and not be affected by it. You were lost if you went in there, you knew what was going to happen and that you were going to let your feelings take you.

As if you wanted to give it one last chance you looked at the engagement ring that Garret had given you a month ago, you hoped that something would tell you that the best thing to do was to start the engine of the car again and get away from there as soon as possible, but it didn't. So you played your last trick.  So you played your last trick, a very dangerous one, you asked yourself the same question that Chris had asked you and that you had answered systematically without thinking, were you happy, does Garret make you happy? Then you knew. The next thing you did, you did it with all the pain in your heart, but you needed to think about yourself, the future you wanted, who you wanted to spend it with and most importantly, you wanted to be happy, so there was only one possibility.

Looking at the ring you slowly pulled it off your finger, your eyes started to water, you wanted to do it differently, but Garret was thousands of miles away, so you did what you felt at that moment. Again the rain came down on you as you stepped out into the open, but you didn't care at all, your gaze was fixed on that white door that was going to open the way to your past. As you walked steadily you let the air invade your lungs giving you the strength to face what was about to come. A faint light came through the curtains of the window that overlooked the living room, that erased the doubts that invaded you in case he wasn't at home, and without knowing why your heart skipped a beat.

There you were, a metre between you and his door, a single gesture away from letting him know you were there, and you did it, your index finger approached the doorbell, a squeaky melody sounded inside the house, and you took a step back, marking a distance for when the door opened. You looked down at your hands and fiddled nervously with your fingers, which were dripping from the rain. It was thirty-six seconds before you heard the lock turn and the door open, presenting the figure of Chris before you. You looked up nervously, not knowing what gesture you were going to get from him, but what you could glimpse was a state of confusion and hope mingled in his eyes. You parted your lips, still playing with your fingers.

"I..." was the only thing you could say before a lump rose in your throat and your tears wandered and mingled down your cheeks.

You turned your face and placed the palm of your hand on it, as if to hide the fact that you were crying. At that very moment, arms wrapped around your body and pulled you inside the house, making their body heat and that of the interior of the room cover your body. You broke down emotionally, you knew it was one of the things that could happen, too many emotions to keep them all hidden inside you. So soft sobs began to come out of your throat, you kept your eyes closed and your forehead resting on Chris's chest as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to his body.

"It's okay," he murmured against your head, letting out a sigh. "I'm here. I've got you."

After those words he placed a kiss on top of your head and then rested his hands on your cheeks, pulling away from you a few inches to search your face with his gaze. That was the last thing you wanted to do, because you felt confusingly embarrassed about the situation that was happening, he knew it, he knew you hated crying in front of people, but it was him after all. Chris gently lifted your chin to force you to look at his face, where there was a longing smile on his lips, but you averted your gaze, causing his smile to widen and he moved closer to your forehead to kiss it before he hugged you again.

"You're completely soaked," he whispered. "Come with me, the fireplace is lit, I'll get you some towels and some dry clothes."

Again the proximity was broken, but not the contact, Chris intertwined his fingers with yours, realizing something, you saw how he looked at your intertwined hands and then stared at you with his lips parted as if he wanted to ask, but he didn't, he preferred to ignore it. Your steps took you to your memories, when you entered the living room it was inevitable not to think about the times you both had occupied that sofa, or the times you had made love on that carpet next to the fireplace, it was an open diary.

"Make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back," he said, unlacing his fingers and heading upstairs via the staircase.

Your decisive mood with which you had left the car had collapsed at the mere sight of him, the little plan you had improvised in your mind had been cut short, putting you back on your own in the face of destiny. But what you were really sure of was what you felt, at least it was something you were sure of, it was him, only him, at that moment looking carefully all around you you realised that you never wanted to live again without him in your life, in whatever way it was, because in truth you were also in love with him, although you had tried to erase him from your mind during those two years.

His footsteps coming down the steps made you alert again, Chris entered the room holding two folded towels in his hands along with a sweatshirt you knew perfectly well and a pair of sweatpants, he stood in front of you.

"You can go and change in the bathroom, or if you prefer in the bedroom," he said offering you the set of items, "you know where everything is... if you want to give me your coat, I can put it in the dryer."

You nodded softly, still looking into his eyes, the warmth of the fire in the fireplace to your right washed over you, and the shadows created a pleasant ambience against the darkness outside. Slowly you undid each button of your coat and removed it from your body, offering it to Chris who took it in his free hand. You didn't know what happened in that instant, whether it was the intensity of your gaze, or the silence that was only broken by the raindrops and the sparks from the firewood, but you didn't stop. Just as you had undone the buttons on your coat you began to undo the buttons on your blouse, Chris's eyes shifted from yours to your hands and every movement they were making. As you finished you let the soaked blouse fall down your arms and onto the carpet, exposing your bare skin, covered only by a black bra.

In those moments, Chris's limbs seemed to be locked as he continued to hold the clothes and towels in his arms, still looking at your body with a look on his face that you couldn't describe. You offered him a few seconds of time to see how he reacted, but he said nothing, your hands slowly moved to the button of your trousers which you undid without looking away from his face, unzipped the fly and pulled your legs out through his thighs, leaving him again next to the blouse. That was the moment when Chris let everything he was holding fall from his arms and without a second thought he wrapped his hands around your body, pulling you closer to him, breaking the tension of the moment, wrapping your lips around his, kissing you as if his life depended on it. A gasp came from inside you as if the physical contact you were having wasn't enough, as if your chest was going to explode from one moment to the next. He brought his hands to your face pulling you away from him, needing to look at you to make sure that what was happening was real and not one of the fantasies wandering through his head.

"Don't stop," you murmured feeling weak as he pulled away from you.

As if on direct order Chris closes the distance again, but this time gently, caressing your lips tenderly, but the wetness of his lips and the roughness of his beard causes a moan of need to be reborn within you. His hands roam over your bare shoulders, gently down your arms, resting on your hips, as yours rested on his neck, preventing him from pulling away from you again. You felt small shivers of pleasure with every touch of his fingers on your skin, you knew that the situation would go as far as you wanted it to, that at that moment you had the reins, but really you had already lost them a long time ago. You dropped your hands until you reached the top of his sweatshirt which you pulled up indicating your need for him to disappear from his body. Chris acted, exposing his body to you.

Your fingertips scanned every nook and cranny that you thought you had lost, that you thought would never be yours again, but there they were before you. Chris brought his lips to your neck, making you lose your reason for being again, as he caressed your back and took the liberty of unclasping your bra, causing it to fall to the carpet. You knew then that you would never tire of the fluidity of his tongue running along your collarbones until it came to rest on your breasts.

A contraction arose in your intimacy making you realise the need you were exploring for him at that moment. Without hindrance you took it upon yourself to undo the button of his jeans that slid down his legs revealing his need for you.

"You can't imagine how many times I've thought about this moment," he mumbled against your lips, undoing his trousers as best he could.

His arms curved to grasp your thighs and encircle his hips, letting your naked bodies collide, that movement alone an action that brought you to lie on the woollen carpet. The softness of his fibres and warmth enveloped your back, as Chris's lips trailed across your belly while your panties trailed down your thighs until they disappeared from the scene. The shadows wandered between you, the fire seemed to want to be part of the moment and you appreciated it, it was warm, but no more so than his lips resting on your centre, sliding his tongue between your folds, making you lose your composure, letting him know the pleasure you were feeling at that very moment. The throbbing in your core began to intensify as his tongue brushed against your clit, until you could take no more and became a prey to your own pleasure, calling out the culprit's name over and over again.

But before you could even relax, before the throbbing could stop, you felt Chris want to be a part of it and gently thrust inside you, causing a deeper moan from both of you to fill the room. It had been too many years together, you knew to the millimetre the sensations the other person experienced, what made them feel the most pleasure, what they liked. Chris loved to feel your throbbing when his tongue made you orgasm around him, and that was a sensation he extrapolated. Inside you, however, he just felt you around the stiffness of his member, he barely made any movement, he just kissed your neck, lying on top of you, waiting for the calmness to take over and transport you back to paradise.

"Move, please," you begged, hoping to prolong the moment of pleasure you had just experienced, preventing him from leaving at all.

His movements began delicately, keeping himself propped up on his elbow while his other hand cupped your hip. Having him on top of you, the two of you lying on that carpet which had been part of your love on so many occasions felt like you had travelled through time. His ragged breaths came against your face, you wrapped your legs around his waist so that the depth of his member was greater. You could feel the rapport between the two bodies, the need to have each other again. Nothing seemed to matter in those moments, you felt his movements erase all the worries that were present in your mind, the only thing that mattered in those moments were the two of you.

His lips were pressed to yours, letting out gasps as his movements increased in speed. Your fingers were lost in his hair, as you kept your eyes closed, exploring how the pleasure continued each time his member slapped against your inner wall. And you felt it, his stiffness swelled inside you, you knew that's what it meant, he was close. You opened your eyes to find that his gaze was focused on you, that he was waiting for some sign from you that would prevent him from carrying out his release, but you merely trapped his lips between yours and placed a hand on his hip to keep him going.

A much smaller free fall than the first one you had felt engulfed you next to him, his moans projecting your name into the inside of your head, his movements becoming irregular and deep, making your bodies move across the carpet.

Calm, after a few minutes, came over you, making you feel the burn of your back from the rubbing of your nakedness against the carpet, making you feel the dampness of your hair still present and the flush of his cheeks from the heat of the fire in the fireplace. After Chris came out from under you and settled right behind you, you curled up sideways facing the fireplace. You felt his lips kiss every part of your reddened back and his arm went around your waist pulling you to him.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he placed a kiss on your bare shoulder.

"I think so," you replied contemplating the sparks from the firewood.

Fortunately you didn't have to project your feelings, he knew how you might be feeling right now, though he didn't get half of what you were really going through.

"I think you know that," he began in a soft tone that matched the atmosphere, "but I need to tell you that I love you," there was silence, as your torturous feelings came over you. "I know your head will be a complete mess right now, I don't want to burden you, I just want you to know that I'm here, that I'm still in love with you and that I intend to never part from you, if you'll let me."

Vulnerability came over you as you heard those words, you felt like you were a child again and you were faced with a decision you weren't capable of facing, you just wanted to feel protected, so you turned your body and came face to face with Chris. His legs wrapped around yours, agreeing to an even more intimate moment if that was possible. When you looked up into his face his smile was waiting for you to relax, to make you see that he was there with you, that everything was okay.

"Everything will be fine," his voice was confident, warm, his voice denoted the future.

Taglist Open (DM)

MAIN MASTERLIST

Thanks to @jenoramaca @gryffindorhealer and @secretkeeper13 for the quick beta work!

A gift for my beloved @ginisbetterthanfirewhiskey.

CW: Language and domestic fluff

______

Trying

From the second he walks through the door, Harry can sense that something’s changed. It takes him thirty minutes to suss out why.

In retrospect, the smells coming from the kitchen probably tipped him off. Or maybe it was Ginny’s distracted hum, followed by the tinkling of plates and cutlery. Perhaps it was the fact that she prepared a full dinner, long before he even got home.

Nonetheless, he doesn’t worry about it too much as he greets her with a kiss, his hands cupping her chin. When he sits across from her at the table, there’s something furtive and curious lurking behind her eyes, but their meal is so peppered with normalcy that he doesn’t bring it up. They banter and laugh about Luna and Robards and wonder what they’ll bring to the Burrow on Sunday.

But when they’ve reached the stage of chasing stray noodles around their plates, Ginny finally clears her throat… and just like that, the nearly imperceptible shift he’d sensed earlier turns into something very perceptible, indeed. “Can I erm. Talk to you about something?”

He pauses, mid-bite, and takes her in. Her lip’s worried between her teeth, her hands fidgeting. Even her hair, normally strewn about her shoulders or parted to the side with a sort of effortless grace, is tied back and resting low at the base of her neck.

Ginny’s not normally this… serious. And he’d be lying to say it didn’t frighten him.

So he blurts the first thing that comes to mind. “Who died?”

There’s a half-second pause in which his chest clenches, his stomach churns. Could it be Molly? Or Arthur? George hasn’t been great either, not that—

But Ginny just reels back, confused… and it’s not until then that Harry realizes he’s really, really misread something.

“I… w-what?” she stammers, brow furrowing. She peers at him for a pained moment before her face relaxes into a look of understanding. “Oh. Oh! For fuck’s sake,” she mutters, rubbing her forehead. “I guess I’m thicker than usual, should’ve known you’d read it that way.”

Harry snorts. “Erm… darling, as many things as I legitimately don’t understand, I’m fairly sure this one isn’t on me.”

Ginny ignores this. “Did you seriously think that something dreadful happened and I’d just spring that on you in the middle of your bolognese?” Her lips twitch into a smirk. “Here’s some pasta. By the way, a fire burned a puppy orphanage to the ground. Could you pass the salt?”

He gives her a plain stare. Nice try. Years ago, he might’ve taken the bait and chased her down that rabbit hole. They might’ve had an hour-long, spirited debate on the existence of puppy-specific orphanages. But after three years of marriage, he knows better.

And she knows he knows.

Ginny finally draws a resigned breath. “No,” she says slowly. “No one died, ok? Or is even… I don’t know, sick or infirmed or threatened.” She waves her hand and continues babbling. “Last I checked, even Muriel’s still going strong, somehow. I’m jealous of that, you know— being old enough to just say whatever the fuck you’d like and have no one question it because—”

“—Ginny,” he cuts across on an exasperated sigh. “As chuffed as I am to chat about Muriel all night, I’d really like to know what’s bothering you. Please?”

There’s another pause as she bites her lip. Then, in one swift motion, she attempts to rise to her feet and push her chair in on her way over to him.

But somewhere along the way, something gets crossed— and Harry watches in bewildered horror as her foot catches on the leg of the chair. Then, right in front of his eyes, she lets out a startled gasp, her arms flailing, before she lands with a thump.

He’s out of his seat and on the floor beside her before he even realizes she’s cried out in pain and surprise. “Are you ok?” he demands, pushing her jeans up around her ankle… her tricky ankle, the one she hurt rather badly at the playoffs last month. Hm. It's a bit red.

Honestly, she hasn’t been this clumsy since she was 10 years old and near a butter dish. This does nothing to alleviate his fears that there’s something Very Wrong.”

“It’s not even my ankle that hurts,” Ginny grits, pushing up on her palms. “Wait— Harry, what are you—”

“Need to ask Gwenog,” he says urgently, running to the other side of the table for his wand. “She said that if anything happens to your ankle to tell her straight away, remember? Better safe than—”

She scoffs. “Seriously, Harry, I’m fine! I didn’t even land on my—”

He arches an eyebrow. “Have you suddenly forgotten the Puddlemere match? When your ankle broke clean through the skin?” Even now, the memory makes him shudder. “You heard Gwenog— without magic, you might not have walked again.”

“But there was magic,” she says, almost pleading. “And seriously, I’m fine!”

Harry finds he has limited patience for her heroics, though, while she’s sprawled out on the floor and nursing a bruise on her arse. “Gwenog’s instructions were quite clear,” he says firmly. “Having a pro athlete as a wife is a group task. It’s taxing on your body. I’ve got to make sure there’s enough of you left to enjoy our lives.”

Ginny clears her throat. “Erm… but what if you… haven’t actually got a pro athlete as a wife. Technically speaking.”

Harry swallows. He’s sure he’s heard her wrong. “What?”

With a wince, she adjusts herself against the wall. “I’m sorry… this isn’t how I’d planned to tell you. I’ve really fucked this up, haven’t I?”

Normally, Harry might press a bit harder. Normally he’d demand answers— and now. But as he peers at her on the floor, there’s something soft and uncertain behind her eyes… something timid. So he decides to do something he knows he’s good at— something she doesn’t let many other people do: take care of her.

With a sigh, he scoops her from the floor and brings her to the sofa. Then he props her against the pillows, putting her legs across his lap.

And he waits.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, peering at her downcast face, before she finally says it in a rush.

“Iwanttohaveababy.”

It comes on a whisper. A breathed admission. He knows, just from her expression, that she’s never said it aloud.

But he must have misunderstood. There’s no way he’s not projecting, inserting the reality he wants instead. “Could you… could you repeat that?” he manages, his voice gruff and shaken.

Ginny just sits up straighter; her cheeks as red as her hair. “I want to have a baby,” she repeats, the confidence building with every word.

Oh. Looks like he was right after all.

Harry blinks at the carpet, his head spinning, mortified with the tears that have sprung, unbidden, to the corners of his eyes.

A baby. Their baby. A smile plays at his lips as he stares at her ankle in distracted bliss. He’s been ready for ages… longer than anyone he knows. It’s hard to remember a time when he didn’t want a family with her. When he didn’t want to watch her grow and change. To become more beautiful with every passing day until…

He swallows back another round of tears; he’d never forgive himself if he forced this… if he swayed her, in any way, despite what he wants so badly it squeezes his insides.

“But what about quidditch?” His voice cracks; he clears his throat to cover it. “Honestly Ginny, I’ll wait, as long as you’d like. We’re young. Think of what you’d deal with, loads of assumptions and press and comments.”

She turns to him with an arched brow. “And since when have I ever cared about comments? Since when have you cared about comments?”

He spreads his palms in resignation; it was a particularly weak argument. “I know. I just… don’t want to make your life more difficult.”

“Well...” She draws a deep breath and peers down at her nails. “I’ve erm. Actually quit the Harpies, all by myself.” Her cheeks begin to redden again. “I’ve already sent the owl and everything. Resigned. No intent to return next season.”

Oh.

That’s what she meant, then, about not being married to a professional athlete. Harry blinks a few more times as she plows through an explanation that could honestly be something from a dream.

“I’ve… I’ve just been thinking about it. A lot,” she adds, focus returning to her cuticles. “The Harpies are out for the rest of the season— that fucking Puddlemere match and that bullshit ref.” She glares at the pillow to her right. “Nothing like blind favoritism. Fucking prick should’ve been fired!”

All Harry can manage is a feeble chuckle, his hand moving to caress her knee. This time, he can’t bring himself to stop her spiral.

“Maybe it’s not just that match, though,” she admits, rubbing her ankle. “It’s also just… so much bloody work. I’ve been at it three whole seasons, you know? I’m a bit tired of missing birthdays. And family events. And only dreaming of bludgers and snitches. And attending the mandatory press interviews to avoid getting fined, and then giving polite answers to personal questions when I really just want to hex them, and—”

Harry laughs. “I think Sandra Richardson might disagree about the polite answers bit, darling.”

Ginny gives a dignified sniff and continues as if she hasn’t heard him. “Annnyway,” she says, toying with a piece of lint. “I… feel like I’m ready to move on. So.” Her face splits into a grin as she gestures to the corridor. “On with it.”

He clears his throat. “As much as I’d love to take you up on that, I’m confused about how this relates to quitting your job. You could’ve kept playing. Or—”

“—Why is it so hard to believe this is something I want?”

There’s a beat. He doesn’t have a good answer.

“What if I wanted to quit before I got pregnant?” she continues, her tone growing more demanding. “What if I was done with playing, regardless — and genuinely wanted to have children? Your children.”

She lets out an incredulous laugh, tossing her hands in the air. “I have to say, Harry, this feels an awful lot like you’re doubting what I actually want to fit a narrative of what you think I want.” Her eyes narrow again. “Is that really respecting my wishes?”

“No,” he says quickly, shaking his head. He’d never thought about it like that before… how it might be insulting, really, to question what she’s ready for. He laces their fingers together, feeling properly chastened. “I’m sorry. I never meant to… suggest you don’t know what you want. Or something.”

He hears the timid smile in her voice as she squeezes his hand back. “Do you still want a baby, then?” she asks. “Or are you just in it for the practice?”

A smile creeps across his face, his eyes still focused on her hands. “I… think you know the answer to that one.”

“Well, I’m not sure I do,” Ginny says flatly. “Because I just told someone who wants two million babies that I’m ready to carry his first child. Forgive me if I expected a bit more excited fanfare than acting like I drowned your kitten.”

“What’s with you and baby animals today?” he murmurs, inching her pant leg a bit higher.

“Wonder why I’ve got babies on the brain,” she quips, raising her eyebrows. “Maybe because I want one.”

Harry releases a resigned sigh. She’s clearly done playing. “Honestly…” He bites his lip. “If you’re sure that’s what you want, I’m obviously on board. Obviously.” His eyes flit to hers. “I just… I don’t want to be responsible for something you end up regretting.”

It’s the truth of the matter, really; the thing that tugs at him the hardest. The fear he’d ever burden her… the worry he’d ever make her less than happy.

Ginny gives him a small smile, her hand coming to cup his jaw. “I’m going to take that as a weird, sad Harry thing instead of an attempt to remove my womanly agency.” She narrows her eyes. “But that’s your final warning.”

Harry doesn’t need to be told twice. He’s on his feet in a split-second, gathering her into his arms with the stupidest grin he’s ever worn. Trying. Is that what they call this? Are they actually properly trying now?

“Get used to this,” she says as he strides into the bedroom. “Because once you knock me up— on purpose, mind— I’m going to request a lot more transportation.”

“I think I can live with that,” Harry murmurs against her lips, draping her across the bed.

And to avoid a well-deserved slap, he doesn’t say the final bit: As long as you can live with me.

chile i'm so glad i came across your blog, the amount of "i'm not going to assume they're dating" or "we can only draw certain conclusions but i can't say for sure" "we don't know their sexuality, BUT" type blogs i follow is getting kinda wack lmao. while i appreciate their perspective and nuanced takes i need to strike a balance. like let's get a lil delulu every once in a while. 💀

lol the im-not-a-shipper-but-call-jikook-boyfriends-every-other-post blogs are the funniest to me. the shipping hierarchy, so to speak is so weird. maybe just because im not a "shipping real people is bad" person i don't see the big deal. gonna get called delulu anyway, might as well go full out. they is gay/queer and they're fucking. i'm so sorry.

*also can we touch on the fact that shipping in this type of fandom (kpop) is kind of inevitable and unavoidable??! these boys are the other people we see them with day in and day out, interacting with each other and no one else. i feel like it's natural to ship when there's no other people around to break up everything, idk maybe someone can articulate this better than me. and people who are made to feel stupid for thinking that 2 members could actually be dating is so dumb. like is it really out of the realm of possibility that two people (jikook, cause all them other ships are....😬) who spent almost every waking minute together for like 8 years could fall in love. really?

/rant

It's the delulu hat for me

Lmho.

I guess for me being queer, I feel it's gaslighting for these people to be saying things like that. As silly as it is, it inadvertently deny and invalidate the existence and queerness of gay individuals and so I struggle with it.

This is the consequences of straight people in gay people business. They like defining gay parameters for us and it's like who asked you?? I feel people who say things like that are just plain ignorant or tone deaf or willfully homophobic.

I don't think everyone in BTS is gay but it makes me feel safe to see half the community assume them to be and celebrate them in that way. They are not cussing at them and threatening to leave the fandom or cancel them for this assumption and that is huge inspiration to me.

Those parts of the fandom are a safe space to be in as a queer army.

When people assume a person's queer sexuality they are simply admitting to themselves at the very least that LGBTQ EXISTS. This is important to me because I grew up in a community where LGBTQ didn't even exist in the collective consciousness of the people and EVERYONE IS AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED TO BE STRAIGHT AND EXPECTED TO BE.

People read people's sexuality all the time and have done so since time immemorial and a lot of the time when they have had a sexuality read it's in the lines of straight, cis, rich, poor, superior or inferior. And that is a problem for some of us too because that discrepancy in the assumptions is as a result of homophobia and heteronormativity.

That whole don't assume a person's queer sexuality debacle sounds to me like a boujee way of denormalizing and preventing the normalization of queerness disguised under care, disguised under intelligence and disguised under wokeness. Especially when straightness is the default setting in this giant blue bulb.

We need to radicalize that. We need to change the cis straight default setting and if you are perpetuating this narrative you really aren't helping the situation. SIT DOWN.

I'm rarely assumed to be queer in certain circles and while that makes me feel comfortable within those circles it often times make it hard for me to admit my queerness openly in those circles too because I fear I will lose that comfort and respect and love and privileges that comes with being percieved straight in those spaces.

When I started my blog, I noticed some people assumed I was white and would use certain black descriptors as slurs when describing other people to me. I quickly had to switch the formal way in which I wrote to a much casual tone so my blackness would show through. Don't get it twisted. She black. She blackidy black black.

Then on the other hand, I was hesitant to let my queerness be known too because being black, I was marginalized as it is- you is black, or sound black💀 you know how it is- it's that intersectionality of oppression at play. Double double homicide.

When certain people realized I was black POC minority, their attitude towards me changed. I had those who didn't so much understand what black language is or perhaps wasn't used to being in black spaces and were uncomfortable with my blackness- these would take offense at me saying certain things in certain ways. Like chilee relax Karen, all I said was these motherfukkers gay as shit and they gay. Why you acting like I called them twinks or sommin. Right there, I'm cancelled for calling Jikook motherfuckers. They get sirens and everything😭😭😭😭😭😭

Same vein, I struggle destraightening myself or correcting people who assume I'm straight because I fear they will treat me differently if they knew I wasn't.

Straight privilege exists in the same way as white or even pretty privilege may exist and because these exist there's that automatic conception of queer, poc, ugly, fat disemfranschismet to run along side it.

People treat you differently based on how they perceive you. That's a fact. And for queer people, perceiving us as straight is the only way we get to be treated as human by the masses. And a lot of us embrace that- straight until proven gay am I right 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's the duper's delight for me. Untill you catch me with a 5'8 melanin skinned silk pressed auntie on my left nipple good luck proving I'm gay.

It can be fun, I akekeke when some people around me are totally oblivious to the fact and even sometimes defend my straightness with their dying breath when nasty friends throw them shades or try to out me unprovoked.

A lot of us don't want to admit we are gay because we don't want to be disenfranchised.

I speak for myself when I say this.

But 'Don't assume someone's sexuality' is a double edged censorship used for and against queer people. It seemly offers protection on the surface of it for queer people but underneath it promotes heteronormativity and standardizes straightness and it is also used to promote closet culture, under the disguise of care and concern for the autonomy of queer people but that is a fallacy because our autonomy has never mattered to anyone since the dawn of homophobia.

And I don't know where this interpretation comes from. Why do people not want to assume queer people's sexuality but it's ok to assume straight people's???

It feels like a hijacked movement to me.

THIS IS THE ACCURATE MOVEMENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

Don't assume all people are straight. It's ok to assume some people are queer because queer people exists too.

It is wrong however to assume queerness based on how a person talks, walks, dresses or even on their body type. That is stereotyping. And stereotyping is wrong.

When it comes to Jikook, Jimin is often stereotyped as gay more so than Jungkook because they have different body structures. Jungkook is stereotyped too solely because of the way his wrists hang, or based on moments he's femininity shines through.

But I don't think shippers stereotype Jikook in that way at all. I dont think shippers believe Jikook are dating eachother simply because Jungkook applied setting powder to his face that one time. They assume they are gay only because they believe those two to be dating eachother. That is not stereotyping. If those two were heterosexuals I don't think people will accuse their shippers of stereotyping.

It's one thing to assume Kai is gay because he looks skinny and dances well. It's another to assume he is gay because in a relationship with Gdragon. And if people can't tell the difference between the two, they should get some education and stop talking about things they know nothing about or only know because they stumbled across user69 on Twitter. They are not helping.

Untill people get offended when people assume others are straight, that rhetoric doesn't matter in its inequality. If you ask me, everyone is gay until proven straight.

Yet how many people will take offense at that?

Assuming people can be gay is not delulu.

It's ok to assume people can be gay. It's wrong to stereotype them as gay. If you can't assume they are gay, don't assume they are straight and don't assume at all. Run with this sis.

Wait, they don't ship Jikook but they call Jikook boyfriends???????👀👀👀👀👀

The fake woke syndrome will kill people in this fandom with these mentally confused thought crisis bunch💀💀💀💀

Jikook themselves are shippers💀

Smh

GOLDY

I’ve been seeing a lot of thoughts and hc of autistic wylan lately and you seem to also be a fan of the concept. May I ask why? Exactly? I could definitely kinda see it but wanna hear you thoughts you’re always so eloquent

Hey there anon! Sorry for the delay—I’m guessing you already found an answer to this elsewhere while I was off Tumblr for a bit, but just in case, here are my thoughts. This will be heavily personal, but… well, you can’t very well ask an autistic person about autism and expect neutrality!

Autism is different for everyone and can be difficult to pin down, so while Wylan is arguably autistic, he misses several beats that for me would have made him definitively and undeniably autistic. For example, when the bells start to ring, triggering black protocol—I work in a place with a lot of bells and am frequently caught too close to one and normally press my hands over my ears until it’s over because that sound is like shrapnel raking across my insides. All of them. Not just the ear and brain parts. Wylan doesn’t have that sort of visceral reaction, but that may just mean he doesn’t have the same sensitivities that I do, or to the same level. He also never, that I recall, eats meat—as weird as that might sound, eating meat is incredibly complicated with heightened sensitivities to taste and texture. I’m not sure how old I was when I realized it was strange to get up from the table to spit out my food because it viscerally repulsed me. So it might be that Wylan is autistic and has different experiences than I do. Those are things I would include in a story as major indicators of a character being autistic. This might also mean that his father’s way of raising him taught him to hide unusual reactions and stimming behaviors. It’s not that much of a reach to assume a man who tried to abuse the dyslexia out of his son would take the same approach to autism. (More on autism and abuse later.)

So while I’m going to lay out why I read Wylan as autistic, that’s why I think it’s valid to read him as not being autistic as well. Both are valid.

A final caveat, I am well overdue for a reread of the books, so I likely left something out or could have found better examples. Take this as a few of my reasons for a personal headcanon. Anyone who feels differently, that's fine! We can each read things our own way :)

1 - Hyperfixation: The way Wylan loves music

Most of the Crows’ backgrounds color how they see the world: Kaz’s shrewdness, Matthias’s tactical thinking and superstition, Inej’s faith and Suli wisdom, etc. That’s a sign of good character writing. But very little of Wylan’s upbringing seems to have influenced how he sees the world. It comes closest when he thinks about how his father would scorn his new friends, but we never see that scorn from Wylan.

The way a hyperfixation feels, it’s like you’ve always lived in a close parallel world, never fully been a part of the other one where it seems like everyone else lives, but suddenly there’s this bright shining piece of your soul laced through the other world. It lets you connect, it lets you exist in their realm, and you can’t help but filter everything new through that lens because it’s the brightest, most wonderful thing. (I had been between hyperfixations for a while when I started a new job; six months into that work, I read Crooked Kingdom. One of my coworkers thought I had fallen in love, it was that marked a difference.)

So, combining these: Wylan never really acts like he was part of his father’s world, and indeed is in some ways separate from the other Crows, but he parses everything through music, his hyperfixation. He sets words to music to remember them, like he does with the contract. Even his own anxiety is made sense of through music, when in his first narrated chapter, he sets it to music: what am I doing here what am I doing here…. When he’s overwhelmed, his thoughts are “a jangle of misplayed chords”. The Crows have backgrounds that influence how they react to the world, but Wylan’s hyperfixation is his means of experiencing and understanding the world.

2 - Literal thinking: Wylan responds to exact words

In this post, I went into detail on the line where Wylan suggested waking up men to kill them. Wylan is generally unsupportive of killing people—Oomen, Smeet’s clerk, his father… he advocates not-murder in each of these situations. Accepting his aversion to murder, his suggestion to wake men up and kill them seems like a genuine reaction to Jesper saying he doesn’t want to kill unconscious men. Wylan takes things literally.

This happens the most with Jesper, probably because Jesper talks to Wylan the most. Nina and Matthias don’t really register him past how he might be useful, Inej is usually quite direct, and Kaz is very deliberate when he speaks with Wylan. This really interests me because Kaz tends to vary his speech more than the others do, he adapts more to being around other people. He jokes a little with Jesper, spars with Nina, speaks more openly and more sharply with Inej, and he’s precise with Wylan. Kaz may not know what autism is, but he recognizes what’s effective with Wylan.

Another example is when Wylan is sketching the Ice Court plans and Jesper says it looks like a cake. There are plenty of valid responses here: pointing out that concentric circles look like lots of things, that it’s just a sketch, telling Jesper to stop looking over his shoulder. Instead, Wylan says that the Ice Court is sort of like a cake. That… doesn’t sound like something Wylan would normally say. He’s not addressing the whole situation, he’s addressing the specific words Jesper said.

One of the most heartbreaking examples of this (to me, anyway) is with Marya. Wylan does the same thing with his mother, when she asks if he’s there for her money and says she hasn’t got any, and his response is, “I don’t either.” We understand as readers that what Marya is communicating here is that she is so accustomed to being utterly ignored unless she is being used, and if she told Wylan that no one visited but to take advantage and she assumed he was here for the same reason, he would say it wasn’t the case. But he just responds to the immediate statement.

There are a lot of examples of this.

3 — 0% perception, 100% creativity

Wylan can identify things that don’t make sense or that he doesn’t understand, but at the beginning of the series he can’t make leaps, only ask questions. On the Ferolind, he wonders about the source of water at the Ice Court; though Kaz doesn’t say as much, he was clearly wondering, too, because he eventually figured out the underground river. There’s an interesting parallel here where, in the beginning of Crooked Kingdom, Wylan asks a question about how they’ll break into Smeet’s and Kaz tells him to use his eyes instead of running his mouth—at which point Wylan is able to figure it out. I don’t think this is because he never tried before, though, but because no one ever bothered to teach him. Kaz can be harsh but he gives harsh corrections rather than harsh rejections and Wylan learns from him.

It’s hard to understand the world for people with autism. The world is designed and run by and for people whose minds are fundamentally different from ours, whose thoughts and experiences are unlike ours. Imagine trying to learn English or Spanish or Mandarin or any other spoken language if your first language was olfactory. That’s sort of what it’s like for someone with autism to just get dropped into the world and expected to figure this out.

This can be attributed to Wylan’s upbringing, but I disagree with that because none of the others were brought up in the Barrel, either, and Wylan doesn’t understand trade or politics with any special skill. Kaz wasn’t born in the Barrel, but he managed to go from “stealing is wrong” to “wrong isn’t my concern” real quick; Colm Fahey didn’t raise his son on gambling and firefights; the Ghafas never expected their daughter to be away from the family. Only Nina has relevant training—and even that’s precious little, she left school way too early. The others figured it out; Wylan needed a bit more help. He also seems surprised by the way his father conducts business. Wylan takes things on face value—like the time he’s surprised someone would do something, simply because it’s unlawful. This is something he expresses to a group of gangsters. He’s never been taught the way of any world and these things are not intuitive to him.

But Wylan isn’t stupid.

He doesn’t know how to understand the world, but he does understand how things go together. Given a pointy diamond, a handle, and a screw, he cut through Grisha glass. He carries flashbangs and magic napalm, he recreates military hardware—Wylan understands how to make things interact for a specific result. But to me the most telling thing isn’t just that he puts together chemical pieces, it’s that he figured out Jesper controlled bullets. He saw the pieces and put them together.

Wylan can understand when things don’t make sense, but he can’t make sense of them—yet when he understands things at their basic level, he understands them without preconception, for what they are. This is a very autistic way of thinking about things, it goes back to the literalism. He can’t make the leaps of logic other people can, but he also doesn’t make the assumptions they do—“I’ve never heard of a bullet Grisha, so that’s not a thing” vs “Well Jesper’s an almost impossibly good shot and he controls metal and bullets are metal, so why not?”

4 - Broken brain/body connection

Wylan’s great at chemistry and drawing and playing flute or piano—but he’s something of a disaster other times. This is in particular contrast to the other characters, all of whom are physically adept. Meanwhile it’s a challenge for Wylan to climb a rope ladder and he spends a full paragraph trying to figure out what to do with his hands. It’s easy to say, well, he’s used to a sedentary lifestyle, but at this point he’s not. He’s worked in the tannery for months. He’s just physically awkward.

I have less to say on this point only because it’s about something I don’t fully understand myself. I don’t really understand what it would be like to have a body that just… does things? Like normal stuff? Without tics and stims. No idea. Only that Wylan’s discomfort in and seeming lack of mastery of his own body feels very relatable to me.

5 - Abuse

One of the most familiar things about Wylan is how he has been so thoroughly abused and broken down that he’s afraid to do or say much of anything. Again, this is a place his background can be an obscuring factor. Of course Wylan didn’t think to blow up the walls when the first met the parem-juiced jurda and got trapped, he’s a spoiled rich kid! Except, he also startled when Jesper said his name later. Wylan didn’t hesitate because he was spoiled, he hesitated because he had no confidence.

He also thinks Kaz would laugh at him for playing music at his mother’s grave. Now, personally, I can’t see Kaz laughing at Wylan—being indifferent, thinking it’s pointless sentimentality, shaking his head, maybe commenting sharply that they need to go if they don’t have the time. But not laughing. Kaz is a snarky, sharp-edged jerk sometimes, but he doesn’t go out of his way to criticize, he just lets people know when they inconvenience him.

Wylan has been trained to identify attention as negative by an overbearing abusive father who literally saw him as less favorable than a demon. Now, that may have been hyperbole, but Jan criticized everything he could about Wylan—art, music, emotion—and made clear that he was worthless and competent to nothing. (Jan Van Eck can suck a rotten donkey dick but that’s neither here nor there.)

A lot of people with autism experience levels of bullying that have similar impacts. Or as the kids these days are calling it: we go to school. We go to school where we are weird. Where we look weird and move weird and talk about weird things and there’s a whole little bevy of asswipes to makes sure we know it. I got teased more for playing Pokemon and sitting alone reading than the kid who pissed himself onstage at assembly. (This was before Pokemon was cool. I’m old.) And that is not unusual for autistic kids. It’s also not unusual for this to be compounded by relatives or even parents who may be trying to help but don’t understand and can make things even harder.

So we can’t read social cues and we’re taught at a vicious age that everything that comes naturally to us is wrong. Imagine trying to interact in society with that background. There is no guide and most advice from neurotypical people isn’t actually what they mean. It breaks you down.

Wylan’s anxiety isn’t definitive of autism, but isn’t something that was incredibly familiar as someone whose neurodivergent experiences created a strong level of anxiety.

6 — High Compassion, Low Social Competence

Wylan isn’t very good at making friends. In fact, none of the Crows likes him much in the beginning, and only some of them soften toward him by the end. (Matthias and Nina come to respect his skills as a chemist but neither seems to particularly like him.) But you can see throughout the books that Wylan wants to connect with them and be one of them, he just… isn’t. He’s off-beat. He’s weird. He asks questions and mimics behaviors (trying to be cool and tough like Jesper, saying “mission” like Matthias does, imitating Kaz’s scheming face) but he doesn’t quite get how to adapt.

But he still cares about people. Not just them. Everyone. He cares about the people they leave in the ditch outside the prison wagon, he cares about Hanna Smeet, he cares about Alys. He cares about the people who’ll take a hit from Kaz’s sugar caper.

Wylan’s awkward social skills have undeniable big autism energy. I posit his compassion does as well. This is simply who Wylan is, and that means being someone who cares about everyone. I have nothing to back up that this is related to autism. I can say that it’s like me. (Not to brag.) I can’t turn off the part of my brain that says everyone matters. Individuals can opt out of that compassion, but they have it by default. There’s a certain agony in feeling a pull toward and love for just about everyone and yet an inability to develop meaningful connections with them, and that keen loneliness… it just burns.

Again, it’s not definitive of autism, but it’s very similar to an autistic experience.

I said in the beginning that I didn’t think Wylan certainly had autism and I stand by that, but he is a powerfully honest reflection of many people who do. So he can be understood to have autism, and that’s part of the reason some people have that headcanon.