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shina913 · 1 year

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Stalemate, Part 2 | MYG

Stalemate (Mini-series)

Definition: (1) Chess. a position of the pieces in which a player cannot move any piece except the king and cannot move the king without putting it in check. (2) any position or situation in which no action can be taken or progress made; deadlock

Pairing: Woodworker!Yoongi x Fem!Reader

Rating: M 🔞; NSFW

Genre: breakup!AU; toxic relationships; angst; fluff; smut; heavy drama

Summary: "The truth is, I'm not afraid to take that gamble anymore...in the off-chance that I get lucky again and feel the way I felt when I was with you. I'd happily make that bet over and over."

Word count: 8K+ words

Warnings (more written in individual chapters): ANGST; problematic exes; relationship insecurities; alcohol consumption; cussing; miscommunication; past infidelity (reader had an affair with a married man but not detailed); vulnerable confessions; jealousy; verbal confrontation; lots of crying; it just gets really dramatic

A/N: Okay so...now this final installment is just...ANGST...but with payoff (I think)??? Anyway, this is un-beta'd so I hope the story makes sense!

Now…

“You think he’s still butthurt about the whole thing?” Hyejin asks.

“I don’t know what to think.” You shrugged and took a sip of your drink. “I thought we had a clean break.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s what you think. Is this the first time you two have seen each other since things ended?”

Narrowing your lips into a thin line, you nodded. Her eyebrows lift in disbelief. “Wow…really?”

“Yep,” you say, popping the ‘p.’

“But how is that possible? He still hangs out with Namjoon and with the gallery’s construction–”

You shrugged. “I don’t know, Hye…somehow, our meetings with you guys never overlapped.” You figured part of it was due to Namjoon’s very meticulous planning.

Hyejin’s eyes widened. “Damn. And is it true that you both unfollowed each other on your socials?”

You let out an exasperated breath. “Come on, Hyejin. Isn’t that just sort of a natural thing to do after you break up? How many of your exes do you have on your socials?”

She grimaced. “Uhm…a few of them?”

Now it was your turn to bulge your eyes at her. “What?”

“Yeah. They’re still on my list.”

Your mouth falls open. “Do you ever view their profile, lurk, and see what they’re up to?”

“No, not like that,” she says. “They pop up because they’re on my feed but not because I actively seek them. They’re just there…it’s like a useless appendage or something.”

“But why even keep them there in the first place if they serve no purpose?”

“I don’t know. It’s just not a huge deal to me. I don’t bear any ill will toward them and I hope they think the same of me.”

“What does Namjoon think about all that?”

“It’s whatever. His ex is still on his list but it’s not something that keeps me up at night,” she explains. Then she gasps, looks at you, and remembers something. “Shit, I'm sorry. No offense, babe.” She reaches across to squeeze your hand assuringly.

You smile and appreciate her consideration. “None taken, babe.”

Hyejin smiles back. “Anyway, Joon and I have an understanding that all of those relationships are done. It’s about us now.”

You sigh in frustration, recalling how things went down with Yoongi. “I guess I wish everyone was in the same mindset as you both are.”

“Put it this way—I’m not bothered by it and neither is Namjoon. But if one day, he suddenly asks me to delete them off my list then I would do it, no question.”

“Really?” You did your best to hide your skepticism. Hyejin normally didn’t allow her man to dictate what she could and couldn’t do in her life.

“I would do it out of love and respect for him. If I asked him to do the same, he would too. It’s not about trying to prove a point or compromising your beliefs to please your partner. This person, whom you love, is setting clear boundaries. The question is whether you love that person enough to set a new boundary so you can honor theirs. It all depends on the situation!”

“I don’t know, Hye–you’re always so headstrong, though.”

“And so are you, YN. It’s why we’re besties,” she giggles. “But you know, when you find the right person,” she looks off into the distance and catches Namjoon’s eye, making her smile fondly, “…You wouldn’t mind loosening the reins a bit.”

You took a long swig of your drink. “Wow…you’ve changed Ms. Ahn.”

“Yeah, sometimes we need to embrace change. Although, I do miss my hoe-ing days every now and then,” she winked at you.

Truthfully, you envied her. When you and Yoongi were together, she would tease you about monogamy, yet she was always so supportive of your relationship.

You shook your head. “Well…personally, I feel like cleaning out your social media timeline is a way to move on.”

“That’s just part of it, babe. If a person wants to move on, they can and will…with or without social media.” Just then, she looks past your shoulder as something new catches her eye.

You turn your head in curiosity to find Yoongi craning his neck through the crowd as if searching for someone, until his eyes land on you. You locked gazes for a few seconds before he started moving toward you. You quickly turn away.

“Looks like he wants to talk,” Hyejin remarks. As Yoongi closes in, you see him from your peripheral vision.

“I’m gonna go check on Namjoonie,” she says with a small smile at you. Before she walks away, she gives Yoongi a quick nod.

Then…

After a marathon of morning calls and virtual meetings, you took advantage of the lull to stretch your legs and maybe attempt to have lunch with Yoongi. He’s been insanely busy with projects as well and though you stayed over at each other’s places often, you barely spent quality time together in the last week.

You emerge from the room and hear anxious mumbling by his workshop.

“Hey,” you poked your head from the corner to see him in the middle of a tense conversation with Namjoon.

“Hey, YN!”

“Joon! Yoongi didn’t mention that you were stopping by!” You walked over to give him a hug.

“Oh, it was just a pit stop for me, among other things I'm supposed to do today,” he smiled.

“Why don't you stay for lunch? I’m making–”

“That won’t be necessary,” Yoongi says curtly, making you recoil. Yoongi sees the worried expression on your face and tries to remedy it. “What I mean to say is, Namjoon was on his way out anyway and he just told me that he’s got a full afternoon ahead.”

You turn to Namjoon, who grimaces. “I…appreciate the offer, YN but Yoongi’s right. I’ve got a lot of errands to run. Maybe next time, huh?”

“Sure, of course!” You look at him and back at Yoongi and decide not to push any further. You already knew that one of Yoongi’s clients has been extra demanding so you were on a need-to-know basis.

You leave the workshop and walk into the kitchen to check the pantry. He hadn’t gone grocery shopping in a while so instead of trying to make something, you just pull up the food delivery app on your phone to order something more convenient.

“Jagi, is there anything in particular that you’re craving for?”

“No, baby. Surprise me,” he answers distantly, continuing his conversation with Namjoon.

While placing the order, you couldn’t help but eavesdrop on their argument through the divider.

“Bro, I don’t know how you could have just let the deadline pass. Jiwon placed the order months ago and I get here and you’ve got other orders getting picked up for shipment. Orders that were placed after hers. You said that it was totally doable–”

“I know what I said, Namjoonah!” He lets out a frustrated groan. “Look, just tell Jiwon that we ran into a supplier issue. I’ll fucking fix it, okay?”

“What the fuck do you expect me to tell her?”

“Can’t you figure that part out? Isn’t this why you’re the client relations half of this business?”

You hear footsteps approach in your direction so you retreat back into the bedroom and pretend that this was just a regular business squabble between friends.

Namjoon lets out a grunt of annoyance.

“Okay, look,” Yoongi relents. “Just stop stressing out. I’ll call Jiwon myself later to let her know that her shit will get done. Alright?”

Namjoon nods. “Thanks, man. She’s in a pissy mood. Better you than me.”

******

The weekend finally arrives and you and Yoongi have plans.

You were such a nervous wreck that you start to flap your elbows as if they were wings to cool your sweaty armpits. You were meeting Yoongi’s mom tonight for dinner. She lives a few hours away and rarely visits. She was looking forward to getting to know the new woman in her son’s life.

You make your way in front of the mirror, fluffing your hair and doing some final checks on your makeup. You lean in closer and flash your teeth, making sure that you didn’t have any lipstick stains on them.

“How much longer do you need?” Yoongi asks while he leans against the doorframe. Looking at his reflection, he was handsome as ever with his hair pulled back in a ponytail and a casual look. As much as you enjoyed him dressed in his coveralls while he worked, you always considered his date-night looks a treat.

“Two minutes.” You smooth your dress one more time and turn around to make sure that your skirt didn’t have any creases on it.

“We’re just meeting my mom for dinner, not the queen.”

“I know that. I just want to make a good impression,” you rationalized. “How do I look?” You turn to him and put your hands to the sides, presenting yourself.

“Beautiful,” he says with a soft smile.

******

Your laughs ring through the restaurant after Yoongi’s mom make a cheeky joke at her son’s expense.

“Eomma…” He warns.

“Lighten up, adeul! It’s just a little joke.”

“Sure, ma,” he responds dryly.

She sipped on her wine and turns her attention to you. “You know, YN, I really like you! You’re just so…gah…the word is escaping me right now!”

You tensed up in anticipation of the next word that would come out of her mouth.

“Refreshing! That’s what I meant to say. You’re such a breath of fresh air!” She exclaims.

Your shoulders visibly relax at the compliment.

“Thank you, Mrs. Min–”

“Please, call me eomma,” she smiled warmly. “Let’s skip the formalities! Even better, we should get together for drinks sometime–” then she puts her hand up to the side of her mouth as if to whisper in an exaggerated manner to you, “You know, without Mr. Grumpy Cat here,” she mumbled.

You both giggle like close girlfriends while Yoongi rolls his eyes.

“I’d love that, eomma! Why don’t we exchange numbers after this and we can get something on our calendars?” You proposed.

His mom beamed. “Excellent! The sooner, the better!”

You smiled excitedly at how well you were warming up to Yoongi’s mom. You had a very different idea of how this night was going to turn out. The server comes by to check in, asking if there was anything else that they can get you. You picked up your wineglass and polished off whatever was left in it.

“Can I please get another glass of cabernet?” You ask him.

“Of course, miss.” He asks the rest of the table, to which his mom requests that her glass be topped off as well. Yoongi declines.

“You know, I should say–I’m shocked that Yoongi let you order that second glass of wine.”

Your brows creased in confusion. You cleared your throat, “I…beg your pardon?” You ask slowly.

“Well, back then, Jiwon–Yoongi’s ex–she didn’t drink much. On the rare occasion that she did, Yoongi made sure to cap it at a glass. She was always uptight, that one. Nice girl, very formal, comes from a good family. But oof…so uptight. Unfortunately, that’s Yoongi’s type though…” she remarks flippantly.

Yoongi shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Eomoni…please!”

“Was there something wrong with what I said? Are we not supposed to talk about Jiwon? We’re just having a conversation here.”

You shift your attention to Yoongi’s direction, where he keeps his eyes low. Yoongi himself had never mentioned her name to you, but you knew of their history.

You’d heard that name before…it was the same name of the person that he and Namjoon were arguing about recently.

Deep down, you sincerely hoped that those were two different Jiwons.

******

The rest of dinner goes on without any further awkward conversations about certain ex-fiancees. You bid his mom farewell and promise to give her a call to schedule a girls’ night when she’s back in town.

Yoongi, on the other hand, looks exhausted when you get in the car. “I can drive if you’re too–”

“Nah, it’s fine. You had a couple glasses. Besides, it’s a short ride, I can manage.”

After a few minutes of silence, you break the tension on the drive back to his place.

“Your mom is so adorable. I love her!” You beamed excitedly.

“Yeah, seems like you two really hit it off. I didn’t realize you had a lot in common,” he says wryly.

You laughed. “What’s the matter with you? Aren’t you glad that your mom and I are getting along well?”

“Of course I am,” he replies, still looking straight ahead down the road, his expression unreadable.

“If you’re happy then why do you look like someone just kicked your puppy? Was it because she mentioned Jiwon?”

He lets out a frustrated groan. “Please! Can we not bring that up again?”

“Is it because she’s a princess who doesn’t drink and obeys everything that you ask her to do?”

“YN, please!” He smacks his hand on the steering wheel. “Please…just…let’s not hash that out, okay?”

You hold your tongue and cross your arms over your chest, seething the rest of the way back.

When he pulls into the driveway, he turns off the engine, then steps out of the car while you remain in the passenger seat.

“Are you throwing a tantrum?”

“No,” you say shortly.

He gets back in the car and coaxes the information out of you. “Come on, what’s going through your mind?”

“I was just thinking–maybe I shouldn’t have ordered that second glass of wine.”

He lets out a sound of exasperation and grips his forehead. “Are we still on that?”

“No, really though…maybe…” you shrug, “I don’t know, maybe I should be more like Jiwon? You know, a good girl.”

“What is your point, YN?”

“My point, Yoongi, is…why are you with me?”

“Why am I with you? W-what do you mean?”

“Why do you love me?” You press him.

He stares at you, taken aback by your interrogation. “Why do I love you?” He repeats. “What kind of a question is that?”

“A legitimate one!”

He scoffs angrily. “I don’t have time to deal with this shit right now, YN…I’m stressed, and I’m–”

“Okay. I get it,” you huff. You grab your coat and purse and step out of the car.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” He barked.

“I’m calling a rideshare to take me back home!” You spat over your shoulder, pulling up your app to summon a car.

“YN, you’re being ridiculous!”

“Just leave me alone. It seems like you need a little bit of space. So I will give you that!”

At half past 1AM, your phone buzzes while you lie awake in bed. You picked it up off the nightstand to see Yoongi’s name and face flashing on your screen.

You second-guess answering…but you were the idiot who picked a fight with him. You press the green button and hold the phone to your ear, saying nothing.

“Baby…come home, please,” he begs you.

“I don’t know…I just need some time,” was all you say before you both hang up.

After another half an hour of pathetically staring up at your ceiling, you sat up and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. Like a lovesick puppy, you put on your sweats, call another rideshare to take you back to his house, where you crawl to bed and into his waiting arms.

Now…

“Hey,” Yoongi says awkwardly as he approaches you.

“Hi,” you say icily. You couldn’t forget the comments he made to Namjoon about you while you were in the bathroom.

“Uh, listen…I just wanted to apologize.”

“Apologize? What for?”

“Y-you know,” he stutters. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Which part exactly?” You ask him. “That I’m loud and bring too much drama with me? Or that I’m a bad cook?” You scoffed. “I used to cook for you all those nights when you had no time to make yourself a meal because you were so busy with work. You used to say that you loved my cooking!”

“You weren’t a terrible cook,” you counters. “I just…I was being stupid.”

“Oh, I know,” you tell him and laughed softly.

Moments of uncomfortable silence later, he asks, “So uh…how’ve you been?”

“I’m good,” you answer sincerely. “You?”

“Great,” he replies. “Are you…here with anyone?”

You chuckled at his forwardness. “No, but I’m supposed to meet someone in an hour.”

His lips parted slightly, “Ah, I see,” he smiled tightly. “Like…a date or…a boyfriend?”

“What’s it to you?” You smiled enigmatically.

“Just trying to make conversation...and I was just curious.” He looked like he wanted to say more after that but he looks away and takes a swig of his drink.

“What about you? Did you bring a date?”

He shook his head. “I haven’t spent enough time with anyone to bring them to things like this.”

“I see,” you answer. “So, just casually dating, huh?”

“What’s it to you?” He returns your question.

“Touche!” You both chuckled.

“I thought you were going to start mouthing off to me and Namjoon earlier by the bathrooms,” he laughs.

You swat the air. “Old YN may have but…I’m a changed woman now.”

“Oh, really?” He asks.

“Yeah. You know, it’s been a while and I’ve changed my ways. I try to watch what I say these days.”

Yoongi smiles guiltily.

“Besides, I used to talk shit about you all the time so…I think we’re even now.”

“Oh you have, haven’t you?”

“Oh yeah…many times! A bitch was bitter back then,” you laughed.

“I’d love to hear this!” He leans in excitedly.

“Hear what?”

“Tell me what you used to say about me.”

Chuckling, you eventually relent. “Hmm…okay, let’s see.” While you try to recall all of the angst that you used to spew at Hyejin, you are briefly distracted by his fingers, drumming lazily on the bar’s surface.

You blink away memories of his hands and other things that they were capable of. “Well, my biggest issue with you was that you had trouble letting go of the past.”

“Interesting,” he remarks.

“That, plus you were a pushover,” you added.

He doubles over in laughter. When he calms down, he says, “So…I get too hung on up on the past and I’m a pushover. That’s why you left me?”

You cock your head to the side and turn serious. “C’mon. You know exactly why I left you.”

Then…

You drive down Yoongi’s street to find a sleek SUV blocking his driveway. You didn’t recognize it but figured it may have been a client trying to meet with him to oversee their order’s progress. Not a huge deal, you thought. You parked a block away instead.

You walk through the door with a box of pastries that you picked up on the way from your place. Yoongi loved their almond croissants so you grabbed a couple extra as a treat.

You caught sight of him standing in the workshop, deep in conversation with some unseen guests who were obscured by the divider.

With a big smile, you walk toward him to greet him. He sees you out of the corner of his eyes and a look of panic mars his features. “YN…hey.” He was surprised to see you.

You turn your attention to the two other people in the room–Namjoon and an unknown female who was crouched down, closely inspecting the legs on these accent chairs that Yoongi had tirelessly worked on for weeks.

“Hey, YN,” Namjoon greets you, while you are yet to be acknowledged by this persnickety client dressed in a designer shift dress and equally expensive heels. Her hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail...not a strand out of place.

A chill ran down your spine, making you wrap your arms protectively around your chest.

“Why are the legs uneven?” Were the first words you hear out of her mouth. “And it looks like a few of them don’t even have any finishing coats yet.”

Her voice was small, but firm in tone. It sounded like the type that was used in professional settings or presentations. It was also the type that turned shrill when provoked.

She looks at Yoongi pointedly, awaiting his answer.

“Uh, by the way, this is Jiwon, my client. Jiwon, this is YN.”

You arched an eyebrow in realization. “Oh…hi there,” you say a little too loudly. You stuck your hand out to her, offering a handshake. Her eyes flicked down to your hand while her face remained stiff. There was a slight wince in her nose, as if she smelled something bad.

Before you withdraw your hand in embarrassment, she clasps her hand in yours to shake it gently. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too. I’m Yoongi’s girlfriend,” you add.

She smiles tightly and proceeds with her inspection on the products.

Namjoon stands there, breaking a sweat, seemingly stuck in limbo. The tension in the room was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

“I brought some pastries, by the way. I got you your favorite, ja–”

“That’s great. Uhm, could you just put in the kitchen? We’re a little busy here,” Yoongi says, while closely following Jiwon’s every move.

“Oh.” The shortness of his tone stung you, but you soldier on, marking your territory.

“Anyone want anything to drink? Coffee, maybe?”

“I-I’ll take one,” Namjoon says.

“What about you, Jiwon?”

“She doesn’t drink coffee,” Yoongi answers for her.

Jiwon turns her head toward you. "I'm good, thanks for the offer," she says, before continuing her inspection.

Your chest feels tight all of a sudden but you don’t make it obvious. Instead, you smile politely and leave them to do their business.

You move into the kitchen to set your box of pastries aside then set up the single-brew machine to make some coffee for Namjoon.

Distantly, you hear their conversation through the wall.

“I don’t know. I’m really disappointed in the quality. Even the upholstering is mediocre. They look and feel rushed." She narrows her eyes at him. "What’s going on?”

Yoongi nervously clears his throat. “Nothing. All that stuff's fixable,” he says evenly. "All I need is a couple more days to do it.”

“If I give you an extension, can you actually deliver on the quality this time?”

“Of course! You don’t need to worry about a thing,” he answers confidently.

“Alright," she says with a hint of reluctance. "How much time do you need? And is this going to cost me extra?”

“I’ll, uh…I’ll eat up the cost since it was an issue on my end. And regarding timing–”

“How are you gonna get this all done? Are you sure that you can do this?”

“Yes, I told you–there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll hire more guys and pay overtime. We’ll get this done for you.”

You notice how he doesn't mind calmly and patiently reassuring her multiple times, no matter how many times she asks the same question to him in different forms and verbiage. Meanwhile, he starts getting annoyed when you ask him what he wants for dinner multiple times, after deferring to you to decide.

She's seemingly satisfied with his affirmations, she relents. “Okay. I guess Namjoon and I can just circle back?” She turns to Namjoon, who nods in agreement.

All three of them walk toward the front door.

“Yeah, just call him. Or you can call me directly to follow up, too.” Yoongi offers.

“I’ll just reach out to both of you, I guess,” she answers dryly

You peek from the kitchen just in time to see her give Yoongi a lingering hug. “Thanks again, Yoongi. I really appreciate this.”

“Of course…anything for you, Jiwon.”

With that, your heart sinks to your stomach and you suddenly have the urge to vomit. You retreat into the bathroom and hurl but nothing comes out.

******

Later that evening, you were working late on the restaurant revamp contract. You had to place a call to your other supplier to make sure that their quote was still good since the client had asked for it to be adjusted, for the fifth time.

It was a good thing you’d work with this supplier for nearly a decade now. You pretty much had the owner on speed-dial.

Unfortunately, Yoongi was planning on pulling an all-nighter so he could finish one project to make fixes to the other project that he messed up.

“Jagiii!” You yell out from his bedroom, hoping he’d hear from all the loud banging he was making.

“Yeah?” he bellowed from his workshop.

“Could I just have five minutes for a phone call?”

“Can’t you just take your call outside?” He responds.

That was weird, you thought. You could, technically, take the call outside but you needed your laptop and documents in front of you in order to make changes in real-time.

You walked out of the bedroom and into his workshop. “Please? It’s only for a few minutes. I just really need to sweet-talk this supplier so I can get this contract sealed.”

“No!" he bristles. "I’m so behind on this project already. Every minute counts!”

You scoffed. “Seriously? What’s five minutes? This project’s already delayed. Not to mention that your backlog is nuts–”

He looked up at you and snapped, “Exactly! Do you think my work is easy? Do you think any of this–” he waved his arm at the room, “...is easy?”

You chuckled at his abrupt change in tone. “What the hell crawled up your ass?”

He huffed out a breath. “I’m saying, that I hate how you think that I can just chill every time and pull me away from my work–”

“Woah-woah,” you stop him right then. “I never said anything like that. I’m literally asking for five minutes and you’re here getting your panties in a twist.”

He tosses the mallet and piece of metal sheeting haphazardly on his work table. He raked his fingers through his hair in exasperation. “See, this is why I can’t get this damned thing done–”

“You can’t or won’t?”

“What?” He asks, utterly confused.

“You can’t get it done or you don’t want to get it done because you want to delay it further? Because getting it done means the end of your contract with her.” You walk away from the workshop and into the living room.

“Are we really going to argue about this again?” He asks, still standing in his workshop.

“Yes!” You say loudly from the other room.

Seconds later, you see him round the corner and join you. “Why? Why do we need to argue about this? What’s the point?”

You let out a sharp breath scowled at him. “I heard the way you talked to her! Going out of your way to pay your guys overtime, moving your whole schedule around to deliver her shit…and that goodbye hug?” You let out a pained, mocking laugh.

You held off for as long as you could but you were already deep into a jealous rage. The way he spoke so gently to her, trying to assure her that she didn’t need to stress off her order. Offering to cover the extra expenses, was too much.

“She’s a client and we just happen to have a history. So?”

His flippant comment further incensed you.

"That's the point! You have history!"

He groaned. “You're getting pissed at this? When it was pretty much the same situation from when we ran into your married guy.”

“My married g—" You scoff at him. "Now you’re turning this conversation about me? My past?”

“Well, yeah! You acted all weird when we saw what’s-his-face!” He retorts.

“Right, but in my case, that was the first time I’d seen him in a while. Have I seen him again since then? No. But you? You are working with Jiwon, day in and out!” You exclaim angrily.

“‘Call me directly…’” You say mockingly. “‘Anything for you...'”

“We have a professional relationship, okay? She is my client.”

“Couldn’t you get different clients? It’s not like you have a shortage in your backlog.” You countered.

“Jiwon has been my longtime client. I’ve made many connections because of her.”

You clenched your jaw and seethed.

“You go out to dinners and have drinks with your clients all the time! You come home late after partying all night,” he scolds.

“I am not partying!” You argue.

“Sure,” he says sarcastically.

“At least I was never engaged to any of my clients,” you countered bitterly.

He glared at you. “So she’s my ex-fiancee, big fucking deal! The operative term, being ‘ex,’ okay? What is your point here, exactly? Why are you getting all worked up about this?”

You stood up from the couch and angrily stomped toward him. “Because it hurts my feelings! And I can’t help but think that you still want her.”

“But I don’t! I love you!” He insists.

“Why do you love me?” You asked in a sudden, calmer tone.

“What?” He’s taken aback by how unreasonable and ridiculous you were sounding.

“I’m asking--Why. Do you. Love me.” You punctuate each phrase. “Why are you with me? Are you with me just to prove to yourself, or to her that you’ve moved on?”

“Why are you being like this? We’re arguing in circles here!” He yells out in frustration.

“Okay, fine. I’ll make it easier for you then. Let me ask you this–are you really over her? Because if you’re not…fuck…just tell me and we can put a stop to this craziness right now.”

“I’m with you, aren’t I? What else do you want from me?”

Heat prickled at your forehead and you start to taste bile in the back of your throat. What else do you want from me? Like he was doing you a fucking favor?

“What I really want to know from you is–why is it that my ex is a problem for you? So I ran into the guy. A guy whom I haven’t had any contact with at all since I ended things and still haven’t had contact after the fact? And yet, you expect me to be completely fine with you communicating regularly with your ex? ”

The silence is deafening as he’s despondent for a minute. At this point, the tears flow freely down your cheeks.

“Don’t you think there’s anything wrong with that?” You ask him pointedly.

“I don’t see it that way.”

It wasn’t the answer that you were expecting so you drive your point home. “And you wouldn’t consider breaking off a working relationship with your ex-fiancee even after I’ve told you that the amount of access that she has to you makes me feel insecure and uncomfortable?”

Yoongi shook his head slowly. “I just can’t drop a longtime client like that.”

“You mean you won’t drop her.”

“Please, just listen–”

“You know how I feel right now?” You interrupt him. “I feel like a shiny new thing that you’re just using to prove to yourself that you’re over her. It makes me feel like a piece of shit.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, a pained expression on his face. “You think I’m using you as a rebound? Is that it?”

“Aren’t I? Maybe you only liked me because I’m the complete opposite of her! You know, I’m loud, I like to go out…I drink…I’m fun…” You swipe at the tears that spilled out of your eyes. “I’m not the type you bring home to mom. Not the type you’d marry, right?”

“For fuck’s sake…can you stop thinking that everyone’s out to hurt you?”

“Do you really love me?” You ask him point blank.

He returns your gaze and held it there for a minute before answering. “Yes, of course I do.”

“More than you love her?”

He is dumbfounded by your question. It was unexpected but you needed to know…desperately. You needed to know to help put your fears aside. Unable to meet your gaze, he looks away.

His reticence told you that you were at an impasse. Locked in a stalemate, without any moves left.

Swallowing what felt like glass shards down your throat, you say, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” You turn on your heel and walk off.

The next morning, you packed up your things and left.

Now…

“So who did you love more, me or Jiwon?”

Growing flustered by your invasive question, he panics. “What is this, an interrogation?”

“Oh, come on…” you say in jest. “We’re just two people having an open conversation here.”

“Are you serious?” He laughs, his gummy smile in full display. “So I really have to answer that?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding? It’s not like we have ties to each other anymore. We’ve had enough time apart, time to think things through.”

“Why do you need to know so badly?”

“Because! I feel like I’m entitled to that information,” you say in a light, joking tone. Then, you turn a bit more serious. “Also…we used to care about each other at one point in our lives. I feel that I’ve earned the right to ask.”

He shifts his weight between his feet, taking a sip of his drink–you hoped–would help give him the extra push to answer. Except, he doesn’t and instead grins shyly.

“Still no answer, Mr. Min? Alright, fine!” You raise your hands in defeat. “I’ll give you easier one.” You cleared your throat. “Are you still scared?”

He finds your question humorous. “Scared of what?” He clarifies.

“Repeating the whole process. To start from scratch again–the whole getting to know one another…falling in love…only to be faced with the possibility of it not working out. We talked about that a long time ago, remember?”

His face visibly relaxed. “I do…very clearly, in fact, now that you mention it.”

“And?”

He moistened his lips and stared straight at you. “The truth is, I'm not afraid to take that gamble anymore...in the off-chance that I get lucky again and feel the way I felt when I was with you. I'd happily make that bet over and over.”

You feel your throat tighten in an instant. Your mouth opens to suck in a sharp breath. “Damn.” You start to fan yourself…now you were all flustered.

He kept his eyes on you. They wordlessly profess everything he’s been feeling all those years that you spent apart.

“And I agree that you’re entitled to know that I loved you more.”

You were at a loss. All that pomp and confidence that you felt had shriveled up at his confession.

“Well, you asked. So there you go.”

You laughed. “I know…I deserved that,” you say uncomfortably.

Your speechlessness makes him smirk triumphantly, making you both chuckle and effectively breaking the tension.

From a distance, the music fades under the chatter while Namjoon’s voice booms through the microphone. “Good evening, everybody!”

You and Yoongi turn your attention to the middle of the room, where Namjoon stood along with Hyejin.

“I just wanted to thank you all for coming out tonight. I’m so happy that I have great friends and partners who are huge supporters of local art. We have so much talent here that we need to foster and grow. I’m glad that we have a space to promote this art so that other people can familarize themselves with it and appreciate it as well. I’d like to thank my friends who have enabled me and listen to me whine about this concept for years–it’s finally happening! And of course, my fiancee–Hyejin…baby, thank you for being patient with me and supporting my dream. I love you so much!” The crowd gushes as he pulls her in for a sweet kiss.

“And with that, let’s keep this party going, huh?” Namjoon hands the microphone back to the DJ and the music swells once more.

Yoongi turns to you suddenly. “Do you want to dance?”

You laugh, “Seriously?”

“Why not? It’s the least you can do for me after I bared my soul to you,” he says.

You roll your eyes playfully at him. “Alright! Just one song,” you say to him.

You both make your way to the makeshift dancefloor and start bobbing your head to the beat. You sway your hips to the music while you both sing along to a song familiar to both of you.

As the music plays on, the crowd gathers around you, pushing you closer together.

Although you are hyper-aware of his presence and proximity, you continue to dance to the beat. You vaguely feel his hand on the small of your back, in a sort of protective stance while the crowd closes in. At a certain point, your hips were nearly fused together, and your faces were mere inches away.

And there it was, that familiar scent of pine and citrus. The memories you had locked away years ago had resurfaced once more–coming at you in a flash while you stared into his eyes. You felt yourself fall deeper into them. The inches between you decreased…and soon enough, the tips of your noses brushed against each other.

Then, you unexpectedly jump, startled at the sound and feel of your phone blaring from your pocket. You fish it out to see the name ‘Wooyoung’ flashing on the screen.

You decline the call but send a text message, saying that it was a little loud and that you’d call back.

You back away from Yoongi, suddenly desperate to enforce some distance between you two lest you completely lose the last shred of self-control that you were clinging onto.

Once you were finally away from the crowd and into a more open, quiet space, you say to him apologetically, “I have to go.”

He pursed his lips as if trying to hold himself back from saying something. You stand there, waiting and wondering if he would change his mind and just come out with it.

After a few beats of silence, he forces his mouth into a smile, then nods. “Alright,” he says simply.

You blinked slowly. It was a pathetic effort at a reality check for you. He said the right words and gave you the absolute closure that you needed for your relationship. A small part of you wondered what would have happened if Wooyoung hadn’t tried to call you. Would you have gone in all the way to kiss him?

Sadly, it didn’t work out that way so you’ll never know. “It was good to see you.” Your smile didn’t reach your eyes.

“Yeah…” he breathed out. “It was good to see you, too.”

“Well…I guess this is goodbye.”

You don’t wait for him to respond and instead, you turn on your heel and walk toward the exit. You tried to search around for Hyejin and Namjoon to say your ‘goodbyes’ but they looked like they were deep in conversation with another patron. You decide to shoot her a text when you got to your car instead.

Once you step out and the cool air hits you, you release one, big breath that you felt that you were onto for so long.

******

You sat alone in your car, contemplating the events that just unfolded minutes ago. You never thought you’d see him again–never. But, as fate would have it, your best friends managed to link up. How fucked up was that?

Your phone pinged, signaling a text. You lift the screen to your line of vision, seeing a name that was suddenly unfamiliar to you, with a text that said, ‘Headed to the restaurant now. Can’t wait to see you.’

You face falters at the promise. You sighed and leaned against your car’s headrest and closed your eyes.

What was he trying to pull back there? Making you yearn with all that talk about risking it all just to get a chance with you again. Who talks like that in real life?

Two knocks to your driver-side window startle you back into reality. You glanced over and see his cat-like features peeking through the glass.

You roll your window down and try to sound as casual as possible. “Hey! What’s up?”

He smiles shyly. “I…walked around the parking lot out back then down the block, hoping to still catch you.”

“Oh?” Your voice goes up slightly. “Haven’t had enough of me yet?” You tease him.

He chuckled at your cheekiness. “Yeah,” he sighed heavily, “I... didn’t like how we left things back there. You just ran off.”

You were incredulous. “Really? I thought we were good. I didn’t see anything wrong about the whole exchange. I said goodbye–”

“Yeah, exactly that,” he cuts you off. “You said ‘goodbye’.”

You chuckle awkwardly, confused by his remark. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to say when you leave?”

“I know that but…I didn’t want you to leave.”

Your stomach does somersaults. You close your eyes for a second to internally smack yourself in an effort to keep it together. “Uhm…I…I don’t…I d–” You stutter.

“I didn’t want you leave.” He repeats firmly. “I can’t let you walk away from me again.”

“Y-Yoongi–”

“I fucked up. I should have gone after you that day.”

You feel your nose start to sting so you swallow thickly and grip your steering wheel tightly. Yes, you wished that he had called you or stopped you from leaving. But after enough time had past, you just thought that whatever he believed then was stronger than how he felt for you. Thinking about it more, you didn’t reach out to call him either to talk things through. At the end of the day, you just thought that it wasn’t meant to be.

“We weren’t good for each other then.”

“Because it wasn’t the right time for us then. We both had shit to work though–I know I did. And I realized that I’d rather do this with you than anybody else.”

You inhale sharply, trying to choke back the tears while hanging onto your last shred of self-preservation. “You hurt me,” you barely whisper.

At this point, he crouches by the driver-side door. “I know. And I’m truly sorry for what I did. I can’t change my actions or my words from that day and that’s something that I’ll never live down. But I promise to make it up to you this time…if you’ll let me.”

You rubbed your eyes in annoyance. You were incredibly frustrated with him and frustrated at the thought that was another man who was excitedly awaiting your arrival at a restaurant a few miles away. You even jokingly imposed a stupid 5-date rule before sleeping with him, but he respected your decision and you liked that about him.

Tonight was the fifth date. The night he was expected to seal the deal with you–and yet, here you were with your ex, seemingly at a stand-off.

You look straight into his eyes. “I don’t think it’s fair that you would back me into a corner like this. That’s just not–”

“I’m…I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to lose my chance again. For the longest time, I kept telling myself that if the opportunity presented itself, I would take it. And tonight…I…I just didn’t expect tonight to happen. And I know that you have plans but…I just knew that if I let this moment pass again, then I’m no better for it.”

You pursed your lips, unsure of what to say to him even though a thousand thoughts were running through your head.

“What do you want me to do? What are you asking from me?” It was all you could manage to cobble up. You were a mixture of confusion and irritation. You just wanted him to be straight with you.

“I want another chance. I want to give us another shot because…I still love you.”

At that point, his admission pushes your tears off the brim.

“Please don’t cry. I don’t mean to make you sad. I just wanted to tell you the truth. I’ve been miserable without you.”

You waited so long to hear him say those words. For a while, you agonized at the thought, wondering if he actually ever loved you. If you were even someone worth choosing.

“Why tell me now after all this time has passed?”

“I couldn’t love you as the old me then. The old me who let you down and made half-ass promises. I had to get myself together.”

“Oh, so now you’re ready?” You ask sarcastically, swiping at your cheeks.

He stares at you earnestly. “Yes,” he says firmly. “It took me some time to realize that I was being stubborn. I thought that I didn’t need to change anything because I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. And it took me that whole time to really get what you were trying to say to me….what you asked me to do for you.”

You let out a chuckle. “I’ve had plenty of time to think about that, too and realized that I was being unreasonable back then.”

“Maybe. But…the more I thought about it, I realized that you were asking me for assurance and I refused give it to you…when I really should have.”

“Look, I shouldn’t have questioned the way you ran your business,” you demurred. “I crossed a line—“

“But that wasn’t it, though,” He insists. “In reality, there was no other logical reason as to why I kept a longstanding contract with Jiwon. I was trying to torture myself because I believed that I could totally look past that history and keep it strictly professional.”

Years ago, you would have pointed and laughed at him, and done a victory lap on your vindication.

“I was completely delusional back then and I needed time to figure the rest of my shit out.”

“And have you?” You ask him.

“Yeah, I have…and I found out that I still very much have trouble letting go of the past,” he concluded wryly.

You both chuckle at his honesty. Minutes ago, you had your hand on the ignition, ready to leave him…again.

“Yoongi…”

“I know, I know…I have the worst timing,” he says ironically.

It was the understatement of the century. When you walked out of your door earlier tonight, you had no idea that you’d run into Yoongi, much less receive a proposition from him.

You couldn’t argue against the fact that he hurt you badly last time. You wanted him to go after you when you walked out on him…But just the same, you had to work through your own issues, too. The time apart was necessary to do some growing.

Truth be told, you were perfectly fine at the start of the evening. You were having fun, taking trips down memory lane.

But there was always something about him. Something that no amount of time or distance would fully make you understand the hold that he had on you.

You had moved on from past lovers without incident. But you fell for Yoongi so deeply in the shortest amount of time. When it all ended, you wondered every now and then, whether the untapped potential of your relationship was what made that ache linger…or perhaps it was just him.

The tension is broken when your phone rings again. You glance at the screen and it was what-his-face’s name flashing.

You look up at Yoongi, whose face falters slightly but he relaxed his shoulders and stood up from his crouched position. He still bends down a little, leaning on the window frame.

“I know you have somewhere to be so…I guess I’ll just leave it at that. You can call me…or whatever. I just didn’t want to let this moment pass without getting that off my chest.”

You sighed heavily at the option he’s left you with. You glance at the missed call notification that flashed on your screen.

“Please get home safely, okay?” He taps his palm on the roof of your car softly and with a soft nod, he begins to walk back to the venue.

You were torn–torn by the sound of the unheard message alert that sat in your voice mailbox and Yoongi’s fading footfalls.

But deep down, you already knew what you wanted. Your mind and heart had already decided for you the second that you saw him from across the room this evening.

Now, all you had to do was propel your body to physically execute that decision.

You swipe at your phone screen to make the notification disappear then push your car door open.

“Yoongi, wait!”#

◤Part 1 | Main Fic Masterlist

You've reached the end, thank you for reading! If you loved it and/or curious to learn more, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn't like it so much, I would still like to hear about it💜

Tags: @internetjunkdrawer @itdoesntmatterwhy @yoongukie-ff @deepseavibez @miksancheese @shesoldbutcute @yu-justme @joonschocochip @starbtslove

#bts fan fiction #yoongi #yoongi x reader #min yoongi #btshoneyhive #btscarnivalnet #thekpopuniverse #heartbrokensocietycollab #yoongi angst #yoongi smut #bts smut #bts angst #bts min yoongi #bts yoongi #myg angst #myg smut #stalemate x myg

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gallavich-headcanon · 1 year

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Do you feel that when Mickey said no to the promise ring and gave Ian the Gallagher Milkovich speech that he was trying to break out of the Frank Monica dynamic? Like him accepting the promise ring would be them sliding into a more challenging dysfunctional relationship that doesn’t move forward? Had marriage not been brought up I think Mickey could have been ghetto married for life, but once marriage was on the table Mickey started to want and then need for something stable and more emotionally healthy. I’m sorry I dropped this on you out of the blue but I read one of your posts and this came to me!

Hey there! Oh this is such an interesting point!! Don’t be sorry, my inbox is always open for Gallavich meta!

Okay so I totally agree about breaking the cycle and being healthy. Though I feel like it’s a different kind of cycle.

After s3 when Ian runs away, it seems like Mickey is so heartbroken and so filled with regret, that when he finally gets Ian back, he’ll take whatever he can get and accept everything Ian is willing to give him. At the beginning I think it’s because Mickey was so unsure of where they stand and scared Ian would leave again.

Another part of it is also that Mickey never got to dream big. He thought he was fucked for life, probably never thought he’d come out, let alone have a husband. So he accepts whatever relationship Ian wants at the time. He doesn’t make demands or sets out boundaries. (We really felt that in the coming out episode 4x11)

Ian pushes them forward and Mickey adjusts. It has been like that since day 1. The difference is that Mickey used to stand by his boundaries (no kissing for example) until he was ready. He needed Ian to push him from time to time, encouraging him that the could have more.

Back to the promise ring- when Mickey is kinda pushed towards the idea of marriage (by the milkovichs and Ian) he hesitates. He probably never thought they would do that. So when he puts some thought into it, he gets excited! And when Ian doesn’t sign the papers at the courthouse, they fight, Mickey is clearly hurt. Once again, Ian pushed but this time he didn’t how through with Mickey. Ian took a step back. Ian wants things to go back to the way they were. But Mickey doesn’t want to, Mickey wants more.

I think younger Mickey would have taken the promise ring, Mickey with the take whatever I can get mindset. But older Mickey broke that cycle. He stood up and said this is not enough. I think he was finally confident in himself, his worth and especially Ian’s love for him. He knew this time Ian needed the push. But more importantly, he set a boundary. He wanted his needs to be met, he wanted to get married, he wanted Ian to be his husband.

Accepting the promise ring for the sake of moving forward and not fighting would be the easy way out of this painful situation. Mickey’s pattern is usually to do exactly that, but it leads to such an unhealthy dynamic and I think Mickey realized that. That he can’t keep letting Ian be the only one that dictates how their relationship would be. And if Mickey wants something from Ian (commitment, effort, etc.) it deserves to be taken just as seriously and not swept away just so they can be okay again.

I don’t think Monica and Frank ever had this problem of being so selfless to the point that they accept this kind of behavior. They have their own unhealthy dynamic of pushing each other to be at their worst, pressing each others buttons. Frank likes Monica the most when she’s unmedicated, Monica loves Frank the most when she gets him to do something he doesn’t want to do. They basically enjoy bringing out the craziest parts of each other for their own entertainment.

Let me know what you think. 🖤

#mallorytoyoumickey #gallavich #shameless #ian x mickey #gallavich headcanons #my thoughts #gallavich meta #shameless meta #my headcanons #frank & monica #promise ring #s10

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didalexiabreakupwitholgayet · 2 months

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Hi :) your blog is so good , I love these deep dives you’re doing, thanks for answering and sharing all your deep lore knowledge.

I’m so curious about the culture around queerness at Barça and in European women’s soccer in general. It seems like only a few players are loudly out (Mapi’s coming out being a whole thing like 5 years ago), but that a ton of other players have come out in more discreet (and maybe plausibly deniable) ways.

I’d imagine many don’t speak about it publicly bc they don’t want to attract even more hate or “distract”from the cause of women’s football. But to me it feels like the elephant in the room on some level, bc I’m sure at least some of the cultural pushback they face is because so many of them are gay, but no one really talks about it out loud. (That i've seen.)

In my understanding Spain is legally quite supportive of lgbt rights but that culturally, the catholic influence and machismo remnants remain strong. And football culture in general seems super homophobic—like the comments on the fcbarcelona post a couple months ago for a lgbtq+ day of support were vile.

I am so curious about the super-specific subset of player relationships that develop in that weird combination of repression(?) and normalization. It seems like riding the line of discreetness and being obviously super queer could cause tension between players or partners, but they all seem to handle it at least well enough to keep playing together. Like, how do they do that? Are there like, rules of conduct? Do they all just agree to not talk about their partners and how those relationships impact the team? do exes just have to get over it really fast and in silence? like.. I know it’s so classically lesbian to be friends w your ex but also sounds hard to not acknowledge breakups/heartache being part of how a team functions. (Especially when everyone thinks you’re moving on with another teammate @ Lucy & Ona 👀)

Idk, maybe I’m just a water sign lol and maybe these conversations are happening behind the scenes. But it makes me wonder if Barça has like, hired relationship counselors bc this seems like a lot to handle alone.

Just interested if you have any thoughts, I know it’s not really an answerable question. Thanks again in advance!! <3

oh wow, thank you and thank you for your long message. you raise so many interesting points to unpack.

queerness at barça/european football - honestly, i think your questions/comments are not specific to spain/barça but are questions to be raised across the entire world of futfem/woso. because barça is comprised of staff from all over spain, not just barcelona, and has players from all over the world, who are bringing their own cultures, biases, backgrounds into this environment.

i just don't think there are that many players *anywhere* who are the out and proud types like megan rapinoe or even magda/pernille with their hangOUT show. it's more so people living their lives and not making a big deal of it, kinda like sam kerr/kristie mewis, mapi/ingrid engen, and alba redondo and her gf. and it may also be a generational thing too. where younger players like cata coll just casually and nonchalantly mentions she has a gf when asked to show her phone lock screen or jill roord and jana fernandez post vacation tiktoks with each other and family members.

and at the same time, barça and the spanish national team have a very high percentage of gay players, especially compared to uswnt, canada, etc. so i don't think it's spanish culture that's necessarily dictating things one way or another.

locker room dynamics - again, i don't think this is specific to barça because there are teams with even more intra-squad relationships (cough*arsenal*cough 😂).

at the end of the day, these are professionals and you have to act in a professional manner and set boundaries if players from the same team are dating. and you have to learn to compartmentalize and not let your personal life affect your performance on the pitch. and if it does, then it's important to speak up and take time off or remove yourself from that situation (as we have seen players do from time to time as well). so i highly doubt barça has hired relationship counselors because these players are (mostly) adults and can handles themselves as adults.

if nothing else, barça is made up of some of the most hypercompetitive people ever 😂, and they are not going to let squabbles or exes interfere with the main goal - winning that quadruple!

#woso #futfem #fcb femení #espwnt

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bullet-prooflove · 4 months

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“I’m sorry. You’re allowed to say no, I won’t be mad” ❤️

Commited!Series:

The Longest Time - Greg has wanted you for the longest time.

You - You and Greg sneak a moment after spending some time apart.

Secrets - Greg doesn’t want to be a secret any longer.

Love - Greg wants you.

Drunk Dial - Greg drunk dials your ex-husband after the Christmas Party

Crossing Lines - Your ex-husband shows up at Greg’s apartment.

Ten Minutes - Greg intends to make the most of his time with you.

It’s four in the morning and you’re standing outside Scotland Yard bundled up in your winter jacket, your hands wrapped around a takeaway cup of Costa hot chocolate. Greg leans against the wall beside you, sipping from the Vanilla Latte you’d brought with you. This is something the two of you do on weekends now because it’s the only way to see each other. He’s been Gold Commander for six weeks in a row and people are beginning to talk about what he’s done to piss the Superintendent off so much.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” You say quietly, your gaze downcast as your thumb taps out a rhythm on the cardboard ridges. “You’re allowed to say no, I won’t be mad.”

“It’s just unexpected.” Greg tells you, shrugging his shoulders before he removes the lid from the Costa cup. “If I say yes, if we go to this thing together, people will know we’re in a relationship. Are you ready for that?”

The event the two of you are talking about is the City of London Police Awards and Charity Gala. You’re one of the few officers up for an award, you’d been part of an operation last year that had taken down a huge modern slavery network with ties to several criminal organisations around the country.

“The question is are you?” You ask him, taking up residence on the wall alongside of him. “You know what Castor’s been saying, if we go together people will assume that you’re the man who broke up our marriage…”

“I don’t care about that.” He says, draining the remains of his coffee before setting the empty cup down on the wall beside him, the white plastic lid tucked neatly inside. “I want to be there, I want to see you win that award, I want to celebrate your success.”

“But…” You prompt and he tucks his hands into his pocket.

“You know I come out better from the story than you do.” He says, his eyes meeting yours. “I get a slap on the back for fucking the bosses’ wife and you get…”

You know what you get because that shit it’s already happening. It’s been happening since Castor transferred you to the nightshift in Whitehall, since he started telling people an alternative version of events.

“I am sick of hiding how I feel.” You tell him as you set your own takeaway cup down on the wall you’re leaning against. “I’m tired of letting Castor dictate the boundaries of our relationship. I love you…”

You trail off because it’s the first time you’ve said it out loud and now the words are out in the ether and you can’t take them back. There’s a few seconds of silence before Greg’s shoulder nudges against yours.

“You know I love you Kate.” He says quietly, his fingers entwining with yours. “You the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, I just wanted to make sure that you’re ready.”

You tilt your head up towards him and he thinks you couldn’t be more beautiful than you are in this moment. He’s known how you’ve felt about him for a long time, but hearing you say it. You have no idea what that does to a man.

“I am ready Greg.” You tell him, his lips brushing over yours. “I want everyone to know you’re the man I chose.”

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benjaminthewolf · 1 year

Text

It’s Time To Have A Serious Conversation.

Two days ago I officially became an adult in the eyes of federal U.S. law. But the party is now over, and we need to have this conversation. Some of my longtime followers may have noticed that unlike many of the people I associate with in this community, I’ve never put an NSFW DNI rule upon this blog. I never had a problem with them interacting and I even wrote trade stories for an old client who I knew liked it as a kink before they were exposed on separate matters. There were two main reasons for this.

1 I simply never felt uncomfortable by people enjoying vore in an NSFW manner interacting with my content. I put out content for people to enjoy, why should I be trying to dictate how they should enjoy it? Shouldn’t they be able to enjoy my content how they want, weather I intended it to be SWF, NSFW or what have you?

2 Over time as I became more comfortable on this blog I became accustomed to catering to both sides of the community in order to broaden my audience and this worked because as I stated above, I never felt uncomfortable by it. This was the same philosophy behind why I was okay writing trade stories for someone who enjoyed it as a kink. I’ve put myself out as s fulfiller of vore story related wishes, so as long as I’m not uncomfortable with it being for someone on the NSFW side of the community, what’s the issue? Well, everything has finally caught up to me mentally now, and its tearing me to shreds.

In running a blog that caters to both the SFW and NSFW sides of the community, I have put the SFW community, which has a lot of minors in it, in prime position to be hurt, even if I’ve never intended for anything like that to happen. I’ve muddied the waters between the two instead of setting boundaries between the two for my own benefit, gaining a larger audience, and this fact is utterly destroying me right now. With both SFW and NSFW vore on this blog, with no clear delineation between the two, isn’t that just prime opportunity for a minor to read a SFW one, and then click on an NSFW one without knowing because I never told them? In what world is that not just wrong?

This is especially difficult to talk about considering the fact that this means that for the majority of my time in vore tumblr, I, a minor, was essentially within an NSFW space. Since I was indeed a minor, wouldn’t that make any interaction with the NSFW vore community just utterly gross and wrong for me to do? So what if I was okay with writing a vore story for someone who liked it as a kink? I was a minor who couldn’t consent in the eyes of the law, and wouldn’t that include something such as that?

But it gets even worse. Because the fact of the matter is...I like vore both in a SFW way and an NFSW way. And the delineation between the two in my mind is also very muddy, to the point where sometimes I don’t exactly know where one ends and the other begins. It’s like they’re two ends of a spectrum, and its the middle area of this that gets very dangerous.

That being said, there is one egregious example I’d like to cover of me going too far in the NSFW direction that makes me very disgusted of my 16 year old self. Because despite the fact I was 16, I inserted myself into a self-indulgent vore fanfiction in order to become the prey of a pred I have a soft spot for. I know with one hundred percent certainty that I wrote that story with kinky intentions because I outrighgt used the word “vorniness” a lot in that story. Some of you may know which story I am talking about. So despite the fact that I was a minor legally incapable of consent, I still wrote a story about me in a sexual scenario, and posted it on the internet. I do not see any way one could possibly justify this. Any of this. Everything I’ve brought up was entirely my fault and just entirely wrong. Disgusting. Horrendous. And it is ripping be apart by my veins.

But...now that I’m basically legally allowed to admit to all of this...what do I do now? Now that I’ve admitted to all this retched shit I’ve done entirely on my own accord, what’s the next step? This is where I’m going to leave this post for right now. Thank you all for your love and support of me and my work over the years. I truly cannot express how much it means to me. Thank you.

-Benjamin

#vore community #vore talk #v.ore #v/ore #v0re #v0r3 #vore stories #vore writing #soft vore #safe vore

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lopeirce · 1 year

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I had to give myself a pep talk this morning so I figured I’d share this in case anyone else needs a pep talk.

Things I’ve learned in therapy:

Reversing the negative self-talk is a huge element of building up your self-esteem.

I read this book called “Unfuck Yourself” by Gary John Bishop and he said that the person that you talk to the most is yourself. It’s true. That inner dialogue dictates our self-perception and we are our own worst enemy. Change that negative self-talk because that negative self-talk is what is allowing you to remain at the bar that you’ve set for yourself. If you don’t change it, you’re never going to grow and heal. You are not your thoughts. The negative thoughts are lying to you. Don’t buy into them.

Accept compliments even when you don’t agree.

I had a really hard time accepting compliments from people a few years ago. One of the things that my therapist told me to do was when someone compliments me, say “thank you” and then move on and don’t give it a second thought. Even if you think it’s the most ridiculous thing in your mind. Even if it makes you uncomfortable. (Obviously, this pertains to healthy compliments and not a creepy person.) Why? If someone tells you they like your shirt and you say something like “oh, this old thing” you’re demeaning yourself. It goes back to the negative self-talk. Just say thank you and move on because what you’re doing here is you’re not allowing yourself to engage in the negative self-talk. As silly and small as it is, this helps builds confidence.

You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

If you’re a people pleaser like me, this hits home for you. I spent most of my life doing things because I felt like I would be a horrible friend/person/daughter/sister/lover/etc if I didn’t and in the end, I lost pieces of myself. I sacrificed my own happiness for other people who to this day don’t even acknowledge that. Don’t do this. Know your limits. Set boundaries. You don’t have to sacrifice your own health and happiness for other people. It’s not your job to make other people feel satisfied. That’s their job. If you give 100% of yourself to everyone else, you’re not leaving anything left for yourself.

Your feelings are valid.

It took me until I was 30 to reconcile this. I grew up in a household that made me feel like I was a crazy person and that everything I felt was ridiculous. It’s not. A friend of mine told me something recently that even further has stuck with me. It’s okay if you feel something for only a short time. If someone said something that upset you and then they further explained which then made you understand it better, that doesn’t mean that you weren’t upset. Acknowledge it and know that whatever you feel is okay and it’s normal. You’re not a robot. You’re a person with feelings and they are valid.

Depression/negative feelings are easy to give in to. Resisting them is the hard part.

I struggle with this a lot. I’ll confess that I gave into my depression and eating disorder yesterday. It was easy. Today, I am resisting it and it’s hard. And that’s okay. If you allow yourself to sit in your negative head space, all you’re going to see are negative things. Give yourself time to address your feelings but don’t stay there. It gets harder to get up the longer you stay down. Focus on the simplest of things even if it’s just “ this cup of coffee is so good.” Find the little smiles throughout the day.

If you want to be more positive, successful, etc, surround yourself with people who are those things.

Just like how negativity is easily spread, so is positivity. Use that positive, successful space. It’s amazing how you can train your mind that way.

Life will keep throwing the same lesson at you until you learn it.

Sometimes healing hurts more than the thing that hurt you.

Healing is hard. Therapy is hard. Reopening old wounds hurts because it’s festered for so long. But when the day comes when you can talk about something or experience something without negative feelings, it makes it so worth it.

Most of the issues we carry into adulthood stem from childhood trauma.

I’ve always struggled with feeling like I matter. My therapist asked me “who made little you feel like you don’t matter? Who do you hear besides yourself telling you that you don’t matter?” Start there. Unpack that.

Know what triggers you and try not to coddle them.

When someone has a phobia of something, they get put through exposure therapy. It’s the same concept with something triggering. Little by little, expose yourself to things that make you feel uncomfortable within your limits. It doesn’t have to be a lot. If you never expose yourself, you’re never going to heal. I used to think that by shutting myself off from the world, no one would hurt me. a.) I was wrong. b.) I’m a human being who needs connections with other human beings. In order to heal, you have to learn to be okay with being uncomfortable.

Tell people how you feel.

This isn’t something I necessarily learned in therapy but it’s something that I live by. I’d rather tell someone how I feel about them and have my heart shattered than look back and wonder “what if?” If you’re bold enough to express your feelings to someone, you can get through the day.

Negative feelings are temporary.

I have to remind myself of this daily. The pain you’re in, the anger you’re feeling, it will all go away eventually. Someone once told me that it’s literally impossible for the universe to remain off balance. Balance has to be restored eventually.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#mental health #therapy #life lessons #things i learned in therapy #healing #depression #anxiety #trauma

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vice-and-paranoia · 2 years

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that’s the problem, though, with being around small-minded individuals. they can only perceive the world through their limited, “the world revolves around me” mentality. “wait your turn,” they tell you, but who are they to dictate someone else’s progress in life? “you’re not from here, you’re from there.” yes, but isn’t it normal for people to migrate to other places? plus, what if I don’t want to claim where I was born as my “home”?

their lives become entirely set on the affairs of others. before others have an opportunity to figure out lives for themselves, the self-righteous already have it figured out for them. “do this, do that, I can clearly tell that you don’t know X because you’re doing Y...” They go on and on “proving” that they know everything about how the world works while you stand by clueless, according to their standards, about all there is.

despite knowing yourself better than anyone, you begin to question your own reality. “am I really this oblivious?” you scramble for answers, trying to figure it out. things get even more confusing as you fail to realize that there is nothing to figure out. you were doing just fine by living your life as you saw fit and by minding your own business, something they clearly can’t do. eventually, your way of life becomes a problem for them. getting to better conditions is frowned upon. “life is the same everywhere you go, the work you’re doing for yourself won’t make any difference.”

as you notice these attacks and begin to call attention to them, then it’s your own reaction that becomes the problem. “oh, well if you didn’t spend so much time reacting to what people are doing to you, then you’d probably be better off!” “you’ll never make it if you continue to do things the way that you are.” “you don’t understand how life works, you should pay more attention to the way I did it.” their language becomes increasingly condescending while they begin to place more and more attention on all parts of your life and criticize you when you “step out of line.”

though you’ve already realized their behavior, something about it just continues to eat at you. you begin looking back through all of the other times in your life where they have done this exact same thing and it caused you distress that you probably weren’t aware of at the time. “how have I lived like this for all this time?” “have I really been this naive?” you start to blame yourself for the treatment you’re receiving, even though you know deep down that you aren’t at fault. you feel guilt. you feel pain. you feel entirely upset that the people in your life always manage to be a large source of complication for you.

the only natural step in a situation like this is to cut those people out of your life. create physical boundaries, social boundaries, and also distance yourself mentally. because of everything they have put in your head over the years, you likely will feel immediate guilt. but you must remember that you deserve so much better. you have grown accustomed to living in constant anxiety and terror created by those who claim to know peace but who actually only know darkness and despair. get out. life will start to get better once you do.

#text #lost in thought #late night thoughts #toxic interaction #toxic people #rambling

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goron-king-darunia · 2 years

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Aria the Scarlet Ammo "I did not get Pregnant!" Follow Up Question

Annon-Guy: 1. So what did you think of the whole "I did not get Pregnant" Clip with Aria, Kinji and Shirayuki? Sounds like Aria's dad was VERY overprotective if she was told you get pregnant from kissing a boy. I thought the line was funny in addition to aria hyperventilating when she and Kinji remembered the kiss because Shirayuki brought that up.

2. Funny you should mention Richter giving Aria sex-ed book in that hypothetical scenario. In the same episode, at Butei High the next day in the middle of class, Kinji was asking Aria why she dropped out of the shooting event at the Adosiade, the Annual Butei Competition (the episode reveals Aria joined the Ara Kata cheerleading squad instead with one of Kinji's guy friends taking her place in the shooting event), Aria was reading a book that's translated as "Diagram" "How to Make Babies" and in her anger after discovering how babies are REALLY made she said this to Kinji before smacking him on the head with the book's spine;

Aria: "So that's what men really want. You're a bunch of perverts!"

So, Richter and Emil better brace themselves for a similar attack with Marta ready to heal their head bumps if Aria did that to them in response.

P.S. I saw this in a fanfic, but do you think Brute would be overprotective with Marta in regards to her dating a boy? *~*~*~*~* GKD Here! 1. While that sort of misinformation is far from amusing in real life, I do find it funny in fiction. I do think her dad had to be severely overprotective to lie to her about something like that. Sounds like the kind of rhetoric that would come from the sorts of dads that say "No boyfriends until you're 40." 2. I think Richter would take the punch like a champ, honestly. "You can find it perverse if you want. You don't have to like the idea of sex. But you will have to come to terms with the fact that most living things exist because of it, no matter how perverse you think it is. That said, with a punch like that, I think you can avoid it for as long as you want. Set your own boundaries. Just know it's a completely natural thing and move forward with the right information. Now that you know how it happens, you can make sure it doesn't, right? I'd rather destroy that bit of innocence if it means you're able to make informed decisions." Emil would be very confused about getting thumped for thought crimes he's probably not even committing and just "How come everyone assumes I'm a pervert?! I don't even talk about that kind of thing?!" Richter just clapping him on the shoulder like. "Because assholes that came before us gave our entire sex a bad reputation by doing anything and everything they could get away with. Welcome to the realities of being a man. Just be the best you that you can be and don't be the kind of person that gave men a bad rep in the first place. That's all you can do on a personal level. And when you become a full adult with political power, work to make this world safer for Marta, okay? Besides, the people that really know you and care about you will know the truth. So stick up for yourself and don't let baseless accusations get you down. Don't forget I was called a monster for a good long while just because my parents were different races. It's gonna suck and it's gonna be hard, but you can't let other people's opinions dictate who you are." And suddenly Emil is completely aware that Lloyd and Marta are the only two people who didn't immediately assume he was a pervert and suddenly he's got far fewer people he thinks of as friends. (I know the power of video game omniscience helps in this respect but I'm still big mad that everyone just assumes Emil and Lloyd are perverts for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Especially Emil since Marta advocated for him. ) Anyway, I'm going completely off the handle with my own opinions here so I'll wrap up with the post script before I get too wound up over society treating all men like perverts and predators. P.S. Given what we've seen of Brute in out of game material before he was corrupted by the core, such as Onshuu no Richter, we can assume that Brute's not actually ultra-protective. He lets Marta have a certain level of independence before the core scrambles his brain. So would he be protective? Sure, what father wouldn't be? But would he be the stereotype overprotective dad that would pull Emil aside and threaten him with castration if he ever found out Emil had harmed or deflowered his beloved daughter? Probably not. At least, not as long as he's in his right mind and not being driven to paranoia by a centurion core. Would he sit down with Emil and have a long talk about how he expects Emil to treat Marta with respect? Absolutely. But I think it would stay at that. "Marta likes you, so I'm not going to question her taste or judgement. I just expect you to live up to all the good things she believes about you. I expect you to treat her with care and respect, and if I find out otherwise, I will intervene. She's my only child, and I will do what I think is best for her. But if she's picked you, I will trust in that. Just know that I stand firmly at my daughter's side, and wronging her is wronging me as well." Protective, but not quite over-protective. Not assuming malintent necessarily, but asserting he will defend his daughter if she asks for that.

#Letters from Annon Guy #DotNW #opinions #headcanons

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stormblessed95 · 2 years

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I don’t think Taehyung and Jungkook being closer is a problem cause they were the closest before, maybe they’re getting the closest again. It makes sense. Like friendships can change and get closer just as much as they can drift apart.

Jks been closer to jimin from 2018-2020 and maybe now he’s worked on their relationship he’s closest to Taehyung again. It shouldn’t be a problem.

Jimin & JK can drift apart just as much as Jk & Tae did and have issues. You have dips and changes in relationships. Like so what if he wants to ride with Tae? He spent all 2020 riding with jimin. Like so what if they post each other on their social media? Cause it’s there’s and there closer now. They can post who they want. They didn’t post a lot of selcas with each other before.

Jungkook had dinner with Tae in LA and had a deep conversation. Like Jikook do, but it was something they wanted to do. Jungkook said himself that he goes to jimins room just because he’s the closest and bored, it doesn’t have to mean anything.

Taehyung & Jungkook may be the closest pair now and that’s okay. We should accept it and just like when Jikook were closer in 2017-2020. Friendships can change.

Sigh. How do I always end up getting roped into these conversations? This one though, this one I can almost appreciate. This one, anon, gives me the vibes that we could probably have an interesting conversation if we ever went back and forth or you came off anon and we could talk in DMs. Even if we walk away agreeing to disagree, this feels like someone who might be able to hold a conversation about things at least. So I'm hoping that means you are also someone who is willing to be open minded enough to consider my thoughts about it all too. I really hope that you are, because I'm probably about to write an essay here. As yall know I often do, well those of you who have been here long enough to see my many essay replies to anons lol Here we go! As always, enjoy my gifs used to break up topics!!

So I think we agree partially, but also disagree here too. Here me out. I fully, fundamentally, 100% agree with you on your statement here "friendships can change and get closer just as much as they can drift apart." This is absolutely true. Nothing is ever really static, or else that relationship and person(s) exist in stasis. Which is fundamentally impossible considering that we, as people, are constantly changing and adapting and overcoming/getting set back. Personalities morph, interests and hobbies change, we learn and we grow. And because we, as individuals, are constantly evolving as people... our relationships (platonic or otherwise) are also constantly evolving and changing with us. The BEST relationships are the ones that grow and evolve with you and continually accept all parts of you as you grow and change. Right? We should all be on the same page here for this part. And this evolution as a person and in your relationships isn't any different for celebrities or famous people.

Something else I agree with you on is "I don't think Taehyung and Jungkook being closer is a problem." Im prepared to fight anyone who says otherwise. We are their fans, we are not their friends. Dictating who these men are friends with and how they conduct those friendships is so far past crossing a boundary. I will defend their friendship as fiercely as I do jikooks if anyone comes to my blog being shady about it. And I have. Feel free to take a stroll through the important posts section of my masterlist to find those if you want to. I also agree with you that "they're closer now." Because they are! You can see a clear process from them, working on their relationship. Twice in 2020, they brought up their distance in their friendship. And you could clearly see the effort put forth after their ITS talk especially to meet each other halfway and rebuild their playful and fun friendship back and that they have been making more time for each other and their friendship. I think this is amazing and I love seeing it!

Here is where I'm going to start disagreeing with you though. Please stick with me! I'm going to try and take this point by point and cover everything you mentioned here too. Your main point is that taekook were THE closest before. Then Jikook were THE closest and then now taekook are once again the closest duo? I disagree. Let me explain why please.

Let's go back to the early years here too. You mention that this is the time period where Taekook were the closest duo. I don't agree with that. I don't disagree either. They were definitely VERY close! But I don't think they were the only duo that was that close. I'd make an argument that jikook and vmin were also just as close as taekook were. (Not even going to mention Yoonjin, yoonmin, jihope, vhope or namgi or any others who were also all very close). Those early years it was definitely the maknae line as a trio. They spilt into twos every now and then, but there really wasn't much of a stand out that I could see in a duo, except honestly maybe vmin, who had a leg up due to being same age friends. Even the other members marking them as the closest or the best duo of the group. I have a post up as well over how taekook WERE insanely close during those early years and how that could have led to why they became a popular kpop ship that has just continued to gain popularity too. You can read that here. Please notice though how i say "One of the closest duos" rather than saying "the closest." It makes a difference. I also have multiple posts up, (Im a jikook blog, of course I'll have more posts about them), about exactly how close jikook were as a duo in these same early years. You can read those posts in detail here. And it's literally only the years 2012 - 2014 in those posts there (for now).

Those jikook posts cover a lot to show how close they really were in those early years, but some of the main points would be how Jimin was one of the 3 members who went to his middle school graduation. How JK went to JIMIN and no one else after he got back from his trip to America to get advice over if he still wanted to debut or not. How they sought each other out multiple times during American Hustle Life in times of stress. Over and over it was shown how close the two of them were already back then, JK already even seeking Jimin out for emotional and vulnerable moments, trusting him with those feelings rather than some his other hyungs at times. If taekook were THE CLOSEST, why wouldn't he have gone to Tae? They were definitely ONE OF the closest, but JK was equally as close to Jin and Jimin too. Including mentioning how often he relayed on Jin who helped him feel comfortable in Seoul, took him under his wing and helped him with his homesickness, etc. Tae was and is equally as close to Jimin and Hobi back then too.

Now the second point I disagree with can just be considered semantics, but you say jikook could be considered THE closest from 2018 to 2020. I would say they started spending more time together than with anyone else in 2016, or at the very least, since 2017. But regardless, what I TRULY disagree with is your end cap to that. While I agree Taekook are getting closer, I disagree that they are any closer than jikook are or that jikook have been drifting apart in 2021. Taekook getting closer has nothing to do with jikook and one does not mean the other has to not be close anymore. Jimin being there with Tae and JK, and jikook being close and just getting closer, had absolutely nothing to do with taekook being close and/or drifting apart. Those are 2 seperate relationships. We have seen many many small moments through 2021 to indicate that Jikook's emotional bond and intimacy is still there and is still thriving. Many moments that show that their dynamic together, of being super close, has not changed. I can sit here and list example after example, or I can link again in hope you actually read all of this, my posts over how Jikook were not distant in 2021. So when you are asking so what about the car rides or the IG posts from taekook... I also, have the exact same questions. So what? What does that have to do with jikook? How does that make them distant? Because I'm not seeing it even a little bit. How is the taekook IG post different than the vmin, vhope or jinkook one? And you all act like this is new stuff they are doing. Taekook have posted the occasional selcas together through all the years. They've car shared together multiple times through the years, even the years you claim that jikook were the closest in. So how does this change it NOW? What's different with these particular posts/car rides?

Because I also saw a vlive with jikook where they were super comfortable, happy and close. No awkwardness, no shifts in behaviors or dynamics. I saw JK wait 20 minutes at the airport so he could walk out to their cars with Jimin after getting home from LA rather than just continue going with Jin. I saw them arrive to the airport together and post their own selcas together after that too. I saw JK push his face as close as possible to Jimins while he was singing in LA. So my question to you is, where is the distance in jikook? Why do YOU feel that because taekook is bonding and getting closer, that somehow means jikook MUST be drifting apart? Do you feel the same way about vmin? Had they drifted and/or gotten closer at any point in time? Or are they allowed in your mind to have similar levels of closeness as other people?

Now back to your last points that I'm going to disagree with too, sorry. You said "Jungkook had dinner with Tae in LA and had a deep conversation. Like Jikook do, but it was something they wanted to do. Jungkook said himself that he goes to jimins room just because he’s the closest and bored, it doesn’t have to mean anything." Now let me say right off the bat this you trying to manipulate and downplay bonds... you probably slipped up and let your bias show through. Your implication here was that JK doesn't actually want to hang out with Jimin, rather he wanted to have dinner with Tae. I hope you realize how messed up that is. But moving on. Let's actually talk about these 2 moments. One by one and fully address it, shall we?

Link here to the moment where Tae shares he had dinner and a conversation with JK:

This is sweet. This is friendly. This is I haven't had time to sit down with and catch up with my friend in a long time. I have no idea what they have been doing outside of what we do for work together or how they've been feeling about things, life, the state of the world. This is the catch up and drink and hang out type of dinner they referenced trying to have and someone never following through many times over and over during the ITS1 talk. This is so nice to see them bonding and actually following through on those plans and spending that time together. Putting forth that effort into maintaining their friendship. Because friendships require effort and work to maintain too if you want to keep them, not just romantic relationships. JK said he has been happy lately. This was coming across as something clearly just friendly and fun. They had a good time but they didn't really seem to stick around much more than just a causal hang out. I also would like to point out how different it was, how causal the whole air around that dinner was. How they talked about adult things (life, work, how they are doing) but there was no mention of it being a DEEP talk like you are saying it was. That is your assumption, not a fact. But we also have moments where Jimin is sharing something sweet and deep with the group, such as how much he loves them and wants to be together as group forever, and how he feels about their future. To which JK chimes in from the back about how Jimin told him all this yesterday too. Seems like they are having deep conversations about their feelings, hopes, dreams, etc on the regular before sharing those thoughts with the rest of their members even (Festa 2020 or Festa 2021 with jikook knowing about each other's object and wishes). Or you know how they talk about how they've spoken about Destiny ("I told you") or going to the moon together before as well ("I promised) both past tense, referencing conversations they've had on their own on personal time.

Back to the point and the moments you mentioned. A link to watch the Jikook TMI clips from the vminkook vlive that you also referenced here:

You said this as if it was a bad thing, or like JK didn't have any other options. Like walking 4 more steps down the hall to get to Tae or Jin or Hobi would have killed him. Lmao JK gets bored and lonely in his own room. Jimins room is closest and Jimin is someone who's presence he finds comfort and peace in, which as been shown clearly many times over many years. Debut through present. This whole TMI collection made it more clear than anything else, that regardless of what you are seeing on camera or on stage. Off camera and during private personal times? Jikook are together. JK goes to Jimins room consistently because he is bored and wants to (aka, seems like Tae does to). He doesn't go to anyone else. He just wants to be around someone, and that someone is always Jimin. Proven time and time again on camera as well. They eat together after concerts. They hang out late at night. Mid day, early morning, just chilling on phones. They workout together and go for walks together everyday. Doesn't really sound like people who drifted apart to me?

Which brings me to your conclusion that taekook are the closest pair again. I disagree, they are closer then they were. But both seem to still be closer to Jimin and Hobi then they are to each other. Which is not the same thing as saying rhey are not close, clearly they are. But also they clearly still seek out Jimin and Hobi as referenced by these LA vlives more than they do each other. As well as you saying "Friendships change" as your closing statement. I agree. But please tell me where Jikooks friendship has changed? Because from what I can see, they are just as close as they ever have been.

And that's my essay! Lmao if you read this whole thing, thank you! Anon, if you stuck around and read this whole thing. Well thanks for listening to my rebuttal to all your points. I think I covered it all. Hopefully you came into this with an open mind and are willing to consider everything I said and my questions to you as well. Sorry again for the length of this post. Yall know how I am! Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

#tkkrs #jkkrs #dont live in a shipping bubble #stop comparing and competing with the boys bonds #just appreciate them all for what they are #one duo getting closer doesnt mean another has to be suffering #jikook #kookmin

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survivingnightbyday · 3 years

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I was told to write my WIP. Here, take my just over a thousand words thingy. (Part One) @lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks (here's the first part of context for the OP marvel crossover thingy)

____

Danny is in the hallways when he gets stopped by the ever familiar pull on his senses. Not the kind of “there’s a ghost nearby” pull, but rather in a “someone’s summoning a ghost and it’s you” pull.

That’s one of the issues with being half-ghost. He could literally be summoned by any halfwit smart enough to somehow find an actual ghost-summoning circle-spell-whatever. He was lucky enough that it only happened twice before.

The good thing was that he had enough time to grab Tucker, who had conveniently been walking with him to their next class, duck out of the hallways, and whisper, “Cover me-” before disappearing.

Distantly, Danny felt kinda bad for Tucker, but he was a bit more busy with being spat out in ghost form on someone’s floor.

Being summoned sucked. Especially when he, Danny, was being Danny Fenton rather than being Danny Phantom, because something forced him to change into ghost form, and that always added to the general disorientation that came from being in one place to nowhere to somewhere.

As soon as the world stopped flashing and he could steady himself, he noticed the room first and the circle second. It was well-lit with warm lights set on the walls near the ceiling, most of it being wood a bit close together. There were glass displays that seemed to have weird artifacts like old papers and swords, and a stairway that led down. There was also a huge window that looked a lot like the inside of a clock.

The energy swirling in the place reminded him very vividly of Clockwork. Although he knew that Clockwork didn’t summon people so much as ominously pop up randomly to bother them during battle or school or while walking down the road. Or-

Danny was then reminded that this was NOT Clockwork’s place, and that someone (probably another dumb group of teenagers) had summoned him. There were even candles and a circle and-

Oh.

Danny was stuck. People normally didn’t know that summoning circles didn’t also trap ghosts. And they also normally weren’t adults who looked like weird monks. The two adults (which, what? What were adults doing summoning ghosts? They weren’t even from Amity Park-) were barely paying any attention, either, which he found really rude. And kind of stupid. Who summons a ghost and then doesn't even pay attention?

The first man had no hair, and was wearing… gold robes. He was also in the middle of arguing with the man with a goatee, with a red cape. “-telling you, Pariah is not some passerby you can just- summon! He’s the-” Pariah? Pariah Dark? The Ghost King that decided Amity Park needed to be in the Ghost Zone before invading? What did these weirdos want with him?

It took him a moment to realize Mr. Bald had stopped talking. Damn. Goatee, on the other hand, took that moment to start.

“I know he’s dangerous, but we’re going to need allies. Is he h-” Goatee said as he turned. Then he caught sight of Danny and also stopped dead. Now both of them were gaping at him.

Danny frowned, drifting up in the air. “Oh, by all accounts, don’t let me stop you. Please, continue.”

The two men looked at each other, wide-eyed and gesturing at him. Ah, silent conversations. Never fun to be left out. He sighed, floating closer to the boundaries and raising his fist to knock on it. It was like a glass wall just popped into existence around him, bolts of what looked like green electricity bouncing away from where he hit it before dispersing. Weird.

“Where is Pariah, ghost?” Goatee asked, standing with Mr. Bald. He was… tall. Both of them were, actually. Danny looked up for a moment before leaning backwards, as though thinking, and shrugged.

He sucked in air through his teeth, before reorienting himself to look at them. “Let’s say he’s in timeout for now.” And that... wasn’t a lie, Danny just left out that the old dictator was stuck in a sarcophogus of ‘never wake up again’. “And… wow, you really must’ve messed up the circle if you got me instead. What makes you think you can actually summon Pariah anyways?”

And now they looked offended and incredulous. “We don’t have time for games, ghost. Who are you?” The one with the Goatee glared, looking as though he was winding up to do something. “We know the circle works, which means that you-” he grunted. Mr. Bald removed his elbow from Goatee’s side, still silently staring.

What is it with people these days? Danny thought, blatantly staring back. “It’s Phantom. Listen, I could humor you all day but I have places to go, fights to fight, stuff like that. So…”

“I think it’d be better if you could explain more, Phantom.” Mr. Bald stated, his arm moving slowly under his robes. Probably to grab something, like a weapon. He did not like that idea. Danny turned away, flicked the barrier again, and looked at the two summoners.

“I think it’d be better if I could leave.” He stressed, eyes narrowing. He hated being caught, hated being forced into somewhere and not being able to leave. It made his very being rebel against the thought, almost- he wasn’t meant to be stuck in a small space.

Ghost barriers worked well on ghosts, though. Danny was not a pure ghost. He was alive and not at the same time, able to switch between the two states almost easily. Things that only affected a ghost or human… well, he could work around them. Sometimes. It hurt his core to use his more human aspects against things that warned off ghosts when he was Phantom, but he could do it.

He grabbed the barrier, straining against whatever kept it there. It wasn't like his parent's inventions at all; there wasn't any device that kept it there. The summoners obviously were well-equipped, but he could be fast- he could hear the mad scramble behind him. His core started to ache, and it felt as though he was benchpressing a bridge- but he kept his grip on the barrier, and when the first crack appeared he squeezed through it.

It felt like time had slowed when he made it out of the barrier. He was half-way across the room about to turn intangible, invisible, the whole nine-yards- and then he stopped. Yet again he was very, very vividly reminded of Clockwork.

“Wong, quick, we need to make a stronger barrier-” Danny couldn’t move. Not yet, it was like he was unfreezing each of his limbs and he was taking too much time- “Did you know ghosts could do that? Was he-?”

“That was one of the stronger barriers against I do not know, Strange, but this does not bode well-”

He felt someone grab him, and that was all it took. He could also feel how they startled when he could finally twist out of the way and through the wall- which felt almost exactly like the barrier but- different, because he could pass through it much easier. Danny didn’t hesitate to book it out of there.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #marvel x danny phantom #context mv/dp AU #open to asks/prompts for this if anyone wants more!#im working on part two #overpowered danny phantom #op danny #op danny marvel edition #i think that was the tag #50 notes!!! thank you you guys! <3

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angsty-omi · 3 years

Text

you get jealous of their manager

suna rintarou; sakusa kiyoomi

angst to fluff, hurt/comfort.

suna rintarou

when rin told you about the new manager, you didn’t expect her to be blonde, curvy, and absolutely gorgeous. honestly, just looking at her made you insecure. the way all the boys gawked at her everytime she walked by. you didn’t care about the boys though, you only cared about a boy, your boyfriend rin. she’s with him longer than he’s with you. practices take up most of his day, so you only saw him once he got to your shared apartment where he was too tired to do anything that exterted energy. to be fair, you were fine just staying in, but imagining him with her during practices made you uncomfortable.

it was even worse when he’d go out to dinner with the team and her. you couldn’t remember the last time he’d even ask you on a date. you hated the way he stopped trying once you started dating. starting to reach the AMs when you called him.

“y/n?” his slurred tone showed that he was drunk.

“suna? where are you? it’s almost 12 am.” you scolded. how could you not? he’s drunk and with a girl that you were very envious of.

“first of all, can you chill? i literally told you that i’d be out with the boys, i don’t understand why you’re getting so upset,”

“upset? you’re literally out with a girl who’s very attarctive” you frustrated.

“oh i see what this is now, you’re jealous and you don’t trust me.”

“it’s not a matter of trust, it’s just i fe-feel uncomfortable and i oh i don’t know wanted to talk about it?” you started to raise your voice. the attempt to set a boundary has failed, and rather was replaced with you being the enemy.

“she’s my friend y/n, get over it because you’ll be seeing a lot more of her,” rin hissed.

“i’m not telling you who you can be friends with or not, but you have to understand where i’m coming from” you murmured.

“just leave me alone, i can be friends with whoever i want, and the last thing i’m going to do is let a bitch dictate that.” suna argued loudly.

it was followed up by silence, with a girl voice cutting in, “rin-rin let’s do this song together!” in a high pitch squeal caught the mic.

“oh so you’re rin rin now huh? i can’t be surprised considering how much time you spend with her!”

“well maybe i like hanging out with her. did you ever think of that y/n? it’s nice to have someone who wouldn’t nag or bitch about me, she doesn’t pry for me to open up,” he attempted to justify his actions.

“okay fine then, if she’s soooo perfect than just date her” words just started spilling out of your brain, and it was too late to take it back.

“maybe i will!” he roared. after he sunk in what he was saying, he followed up with “w-wait i didn’t mea-” trying to save his relationship.

“do whatever you want suna, whether you’re with her or not it’s not my problem anymore, i’m done.” you ended the call, tears freely flowing down your face.

you couldn’t sleep that night. pathetically, you’d hope that suna would at least give you a call back, or any sign that he still cared for you. but he didn’t, and you assumed that was your answer. you would reevaluate the relationship after a good nights sleep on the couch. you couldn’t sleep on the bed due to suna’s lingering scent.

when 4am rolled around, the door opened as quietly as possible. suna assumed that you were asleep in bed, and was prepared to join you. when he walked in the bedroom and saw the bed still made, he panicked. did you really leave? were you actually done with the relationship? he checked everywhere, the bathroom, kitchen, the basement, and not the most obvious place ever. he dialed your phone, and heard loud ringing from the living room. he slapped his forehead in stupidity and made his way over to you. his heart broke at the sight. the way you tried to fit your body with the throw blanket, unaware that you were shivering at the cold. your face was also pale, with dried tears on them. you looked so broken and so drained. immediately, suna carried you off the couch bridal style, and tucked you into the soft king sized bed. he then, moved onto his side and slid under the sheets. it’s only when he grabs your waist is when he feels safe enough to sleep.

five hours later, you awake with dried tears still in your eyes. you wiped them with your arm, and felt weight around your waist. once your eyes were cleared, it was suna. you let yourself comfort in his warmth for just a bit more, knowing that there’s a huge argument to come.

“suna we can’t just not talk about this,” you whispered into his ear, knowing he was awake. he hid in the crook of your neck, “i’m sorry. i’m so so sorry, please take me back.”

“i can’t just accept your apology blindly, we have to set boundaries or else we’ll never move forward.” you sighed while tracing circles on his bare chest.

“i’ll never even look at her again,” his face deadpanned. your laugh vibrated against his chest, “that’s not needed, it’s not really her fault anyways. how about, we spend more time on dates and devote days for each other?”

“anything, princess.”

sakusa kiyoomi

sakusa hated physical touch, the spread of germs with a single handshake grossed him out. that’s why he built a cold exterior to prevent many from getting close. however, when he met you, you happened to be the exception and you took pride in the fact that he was only comfortable with you. he’ll never admit it to you though, and claims he only ‘endures’ your hugs. although, you knew your limit, you would never show affection in front of people. if there’s one thing sakusa hates, it’s PDA.

so you couldn’t really blame the new cute manager for flirting with him, because it seemed like he was single. listen, you trusted sakusa with your whole heart, but you just wanted to see how he would react with a girl flirting with him.

you hid behind the door, eavesdropping behind the door.

“sakusa-senpai, can you please help me up?” the cute manger whined.

“can you not get up yourself?” sakusa groaned.

“no i think i twisted something,” as a girl, you knew exactly what she was doing and her execution was poor. you rolled your eyes, assuming sakusa too would know what she was doing.

but he didn’t.

“thank you, sakusa-senpai!” she squealed, and then what you can assume, she hugged him. because then it caught him by suprise, and they both fell together, with her on top of him. you didn’t hear him scolding her, rather he was laughing. he was happy with her presence when he wouldn’t even physically show it with you. you decided to just walk in and stop this.

amidst of their laughter, both heads looked up at you. “sakusa, don’t you have to get home soon?” with an eyebrow raised.

“uh actually sakusa-senpai it’s getting dark, mind if you could walk me home?” she babbled.

“fine, y/n you can walk yourself right?” he said casually, while packing up his things.

“y-yeah i guess” you stammered.

on your walk home, you were reevaluating what just happened. no longer did you feel special anymore. your brain started to overthink itself, why did they look better as a couple? and why was he so relaxed around her? was i just not the right person? has he found his true love? all these scenarios made you start to tear up. you were in love with the germaphobic man, for god sakes.

when you got the shared apartment, you immediately took a shower, knowing that sakusa was going to nag you anyways when you got home.

then, you started on dinner and chopping up some vegetables when you heard the door open. he nodded at you, acknowledging your presence and was waiting for the hug you gave him everytime he came home. but you didn’t, and he awkwardly just stood there for good minute or two. to your suprise, he was the first one to make the move. he wrapped his arms behind you and resting his head on your neck. immediately, you shrugged him off.

he furrowed his eyebrows, “is there something wrong?”

“i don’t know, is there something wrong?” you repeated his question.

“i wouldn’t know, that’s why i asked.” he bellowed.

you put the knife down and faced him, “you know i love the double standard of how i have to shower before i get to touch you, but that whore gets to touch you whenever,” you ranted.

“our new manager? you can’t be serious. we fell, it was an accident.”

“maybe you thought it was, but i know what she was doing because i, too am a girl. if you guys just ‘fell’ why did it take so long for you to get back up? why’d you let her touch you for so long?” you questioned.

“i wasn’t thinking about it, not everything i do in life is rotated around germs-”

“except when it’s with me” your voice cracked. “right? it’s when it’s with me, that must be it. that’s why you never show any affection, but it’s okay for you because you’ve gotten tons from me and her!” you raved.

he tried to wrap his around you, but you moved out the way.

“don’t touch me with that whore’s filth,” you muttered, turning off the burner and stomped to your shared bedroom, slamming the door. your insecurities were roaring on the inside. sakusa chose to sleep on the couch, thinking you needed space. but, that was the least thing you wanted. you wanted him to beg, or to at least apologize.

over the following days, you didn’t wait for him outside of practice. in fact, the only time he saw you was in the morning before classes and at night when you left leftovers for him in the kitchen. after the argument, he pushed everyone away, especially with the new manager. he only wanted one person’s touch, yours. and to achieve that, he had to put in some effort. that night when he got home, he went straight to the shower. you assumed it was just a normal silent treatment day, so you went to bed scrolling.

you felt the weight on the other side of the bed. knowing who it was, you continued to aimlessly scroll on tiktok. sakusa abruptly grabbed your waist and coddled you, drowning you in pecks all around your face.

“mh.. sakus.. sa.. mh..” continuously getting cut off with his cute pecks on your lips. you decided to let go of the whole manager situation, and let yourself to just be happy. you wrapped your arms around his neck and put him even closer to you. he then pulled away and you dramatically groaned.

putting his face close to yours, “i love you y/n l/n.” before continuing.

a/n: if you like this series please request some characters you’d like to see!

#haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fluff #sakusa angst #sakusa x reader #kiyoomi sakusa x reader #suna x reader #suna imagines #suna x y/n #suna angst

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aphrostarot · 3 years

Text

The Emperor Pick a Pile

If you feel like you need to set better boundaries, protect your energy, and fully embrace your boss energy then this pick a pile is for you.

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me or email me if you are interested!

Pile One:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Death:

To me, it seems as if you are constantly trying to control everything in your life. Additionally, I believe that you may fear change on top of the control issues. Intuitively, you may know when big changes are coming, which provides you with a chance to delay them, but you do not seem to have been able to do that recently. Change keeps coming your way no matter what you do, which has been making you pretty stressed out. However, you are unaware that these changes are helping you to become a better version of yourself.

Passion Ignited:

A new beginning within your soul passions is the theme of this card. This suggests that your passions have undergone some major shifts. Maybe you've lost your job recently, or maybe you've just realized that what you once loved isn't what you want anymore. There may be people in your life who are putting pressure on you, trying to make you do things that you do not want to do, which has further contributed to your stress. It seems you have been struggling lately trying to figure out how to pursue what you really want while also making the people around you happy, regardless of the situation. You need to know that your own happiness is all that you need to focus on, not anyone else’s.

Heart Chakra:

Given your current situation, it makes sense that your heart chakra is currently out of balance. It's difficult to have parts of your life out of your control, especially when it comes to your chakras. During this time, you can begin to regain balance within this chakra by practicing more self-care.

What do you have control over in your life?

Seven of Cups:

Right now, you are unaware that regaining control over your passions is within your reach. All you need to do is realize this and take the necessary steps to regain control. The first step is to do what makes you happy and stop trying to make everyone else happy.

Trapped in Fear:

It seems that an unnecessary amount of worry plagues you. Since you are filled with so much worry you are unaware that these worries are actually preventing you from taking the steps necessary to regain control over the things you have lost along the way. Get out of your own head, stop letting your fears drive your life, and take control of your life again. Get back in the driver's seat.

What is outside of your power?

Two of Pentacles:

Your finances may have suffered as a result of your struggles with your passions. It may have been a long time since you were financially stable. At this point, this does not need your attention. Right now, your financial security is beyond your control. What you have control over is how to regain balance in what you want to pursue, not how much money you will make. Money worries are not necessary right now. You are focusing too much on the future when you should really be focusing on the present.

Patience:

During this time, you need to be patient with yourself and your journey. By exercising patience, you will not only regain control over parts of your journey that have gone off track, but you will also feel balanced within yourself, which may eventually allow you to let go of some of your worries.

Solar Plexus Chakra:

This chakra is associated with your psychic abilities and inner feelings. As I mentioned before, you may have a strong intuition, and this card seems to confirm it. Currently, it appears that this part of yourself is out of balance. You may want to try yoga or breathwork to help you restore your balance. Also, keep a close eye out for other people and energies surrounding you.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

Page of Cups:

It is possible that you are an extremely sensitive person. This can cause you to live with your head in the clouds, seeing the best in everything and everyone. As a result, you are often taken advantage of. Some people in your life may only keep you around for you to fulfill their needs. It is time that you begin to say no to the people who take advantage of you and your energy. Now is the time for you to focus on yourself and your journey.

Sacral Chakra:

It seems that most of your chakras are out of balance. The Sacral Chakra focuses on your emotions, desires, sexuality, and creativity. Because you are surrounded by some energy sharks in your life you have not been able to fully express yourself. Now is the time for you to do this. Try dancing, or meditation to help you find balance in this area. Also, it is important that you remember that you matter, regardless of what others tell you!

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

Six of Cups:

For some, you may be in a soulmate relationship right now and debating on if this person is truly meant for you or not. This is a sign that they are meant for you, but that your relationship just needs a bit of work to maintain. For others, I am getting that an ex has recently come back into your life and you don’t know if you should take them back or not. This is a sign that you should be taking them back but that once you do, you will need to go about the relationship differently than how you did in the past.

Knight of Cups:

This person is very romantic and cares deeply for you and your feelings. You can count on them to be loyal and dedicated to you. They want what is best for you and are willing to provide you with a fairytale romance. Considering you have an out-of-balance heart chakra right now, it would make sense that you may be having questions about this relationship. The maintenance here is you regaining balance in your heart chakra so you are more willing to accept the love this person offers.

Hope:

For some, it feels to me that you had been lacking hope in your life for some time before this person came into your life. Having them here makes you feel things that you have not felt for so long, and that makes you worry that it won't last. You've rediscovered freedom through hope and this leaves you feeling nervous about the outcome because you are frightened that things won't work out, leaving you heartbroken.

Temptation:

There is a substantial amount of sexual desire between the two of you. If this is your ex then maybe this was one of the reasons why the two of you ended up breaking up in the past, as you didn't take the time to get to know each other and only focused on sex instead of developing an emotional relationship. If that is the case, your guides are telling you that you need to make sure you don't get lost in lust in this relationship, as you did the last time.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

Eight of Swords:

At some point in your life, you may have struggled to maintain happiness. Perhaps it wouldn’t stick around once it came, or maybe you didn't know what made you happy. Because of this, you need to protect your happiness at all costs. As well as keeping your mental health safe. Particularly from yourself.

Six of Swords:

Progress in your life is what makes you happy. When you start to see all your hard work paying off in your life, especially on things you have been struggling with, it gives you an extreme sense of pride in yourself. You are being told that at all costs you need to keep that feeling. Don’t let what other people have to say about you and your journey make you lose your happiness. Make sure you are doing things that make you happy, not things that make others happy.

Triumph:

The meaning of this card is essentially the same as that of the Six of Swords or The Chariot in Tarot. Your guides are telling you that you must make sure that your progress is protected at all costs. Don't let others dictate your life. The only person who can control what you do in life is you, so take back control. Let yourself be happy.

Channeled Messages:

Library:

You can see from the picture of this layout that this card depicts a woman who is essentially a puppet. Your life is in the hands of others, and they have the power to control your emotions, your actions, and who you are. This card warns you of that. Now is the time to take control of your own narrative. Don't let other people tell you how to live your life. Live your life for yourself and no one else.

5461:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 5461 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Pile Two:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Nine of Swords (reversed):

You have been plagued with nightmares recently. Traumas from your past that you were putting off have come back with greater intensity. They have become such a problem that you don’t know where to begin when it comes to healing. The good thing is that you are willing to find a way out, it's just that your mental state has become so out of control that you are feeling overwhelmed.

Three of Cups:

Your current state makes it difficult for you to celebrate all you have accomplished in life. You have been in such a funk and dark place and have not really experienced a second of joy as of lately. You may even feel that joy seems far away and unattainable right now.

Solar Plexus Chakra:

Solar Plexus Chakra is the center of self-esteem and confidence. Yours seems to be out of balance right now, which means that you may be experiencing some major self-doubt right now. You can get this back into balance by doing yoga or breathwork. Additionally, be aware of the people and energies that surround you. Energy sharks are the last thing you need in your life.

What do you have control over in your life?

The Emperor:

Considering I am doing the Emperor's reading, it is interesting to have it come through as something you are in complete control of at this time. It appears that you do not realize how much control you really have over your life. You already have all the power you need, you just need to realize it. Currently, your current inner turmoil has been affecting your view of yourself, but your guides are letting you know that there's nothing to fear at this moment, you have everything you need inside yourself to conquer your demons.

Balance:

You have complete control over invoking balance in your life. I know that right now it may not seem like it but you truly do have the power to take back your control over your mindset. Your anxieties no longer have to control your daily life. Making an appointment with a therapist can help you regain balance in your life. Remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. If therapy is out of the picture then try yoga, or doing something that helps alleviate some of your stress like drawing, or going to an art exhibit.

What is outside of your power?

Nine of Wands:

Currently, you are experiencing a great deal of inner conflict. Because of this inner turmoil, you feel as though there is no way out, which makes your stress levels even higher. You have been trying to get out of this situation with all your might, but you are trying too hard and not taking the proper actions. As your guides tell you, the way you are going about getting out of this is not the best way. By stressing so much, trying to escape, you are actually making your situation more difficult. I feel that some of you think that being in darkness is a sign of weakness, which is why you try so hard to get out. Right now your guides are telling you that your lesson is to allow yourself to feel something other than positive emotions.

Queen of Cups:

The Queen of Cups is extremely empathetic, someone who puts others ahead of herself and never fails to show compassion and understanding. When it comes to other people, you are quite good at this, but not when it comes to yourself. It is time for you to show yourself compassion. According to your guides, right now getting out of this situation is out of your control, which tells me you're meant to go through it. For some, I believe that you are going through your dark night of the soul right now. This is a necessary step in your transformation and self-discovery, one that should not be rushed. The best thing for you right now is to show yourself the same compassion and understanding you so easily exhibit toward others.

Sacral Chakra:

Your Sacral Chakra is the center of your creativity and sexuality. Right now, this seems out of balance for you. It has affected not only your motivation and creativity but also your sexuality. In recent months, you may have found it difficult to fully express yourself. Your guides are telling you that this is just a part of your current journey, and you should not worry about it right now. Since you've been stressed out about so many things recently, this has actually made your current situation worse. You should relax and give yourself the opportunity to take a break from constantly worrying about how you haven't been acting as you did in the past. You are undergoing a transformation as part of which you are changing. You should not worry about how you are acting differently than you used to.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

Six of Pentacles:

You are a very caring and understanding person. Even when you are trying to deal with your own issues, you are constantly there for people in your life. You have been putting a strain on your mental health by sharing too much, and now is the time to say no to the energy sharks who call themselves your friends. It is unhealthy for you to be around people who know you are going through something and expect you to be there for them constantly. It's time to begin saying no to them, let them figure it out on their own, and if they get upset at the idea of you taking care of yourself then they aren't meant to be in your life.

Three of Swords:

As you are going through a big transformation in your life, you feel very heartbroken and lost, and by constantly being there for the people in your life, you ignore yourself and your needs, which has been making your recovery much harder. It's time to put yourself first, stop thinking about others before yourself.

Throat Chakra:

Your Throat Chakra has been blocked for quite some time, and now is the time to begin speaking up for yourself. It is quite literally speaking up when you have something to say that will help you unblock this chakra. Quit silencing yourself to avoid rocking the boat.

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

Two of Cups:

You are currently in a soulmate relationship, whether it is romantic or platonic. This relationship that you have been questioning recently is meant to stay in your life. Recently there have been problems with its harmony, which may have caused you to question it. These problems are not a reason to end it, there is just some upkeep and maintenance to be done.

Four of Wands:

Currently, this relationship may be lacking stability, so your guides are telling you to find stability as soon as possible. If you live with this person, you may want to try redecorating or rearranging your furniture to make it more comfortable for both of you. You could also try having a date night with this person at home in a comfortable environment that will help you two regain some stability.

Power:

You have the inner strength and willpower to get through your current situation, especially when it comes to this person. Due to all of your worrying, you may not realize this. Right now, you must remember just how strong you are to help you overcome your problems.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

The Hermit:

You may like to be alone, preferring your alone time over hanging out with a bunch of people. Even if you are in a relationship, you still prefer to have some alone time. This is something you should not change about yourself, according to your guides. Do not let other people change or judge this aspect of yourself. This is a part of your identity that should be protected and not changed.

The Chariot:

You prefer to move around and travel rather than staying in one place for a long period of time. For some, I’m getting that you want to move out of your home town but there are people in your life who are pressuring you to stay. You are being told by your guides to keep your free spirit intact, do not let other people's pressure and judgment change you.

Wisdom:

Your desire to learn is constant. You always want to broaden your perspective and knowledge, and your guides are telling you to keep this part of yourself safe. Never stop learning, it is what makes you so unique.

Emotional Loss:

It is possible for you to move on and heal from any emotional loss, whether you are aware of it or not. You may not think that is the case right now because you have been in darkness for so long, but your guides are telling you that you have the power to heal yourself and move forward and you need to keep this part of yourself protected.

Channeled Messages:

Red:

Right now, your guides are telling you to forgive. You should forgive those who have let you down in your life, forgive yourself for not allowing yourself to feel pain, and forgive yourself for being upset with your guides for making you have to go through this pain. For some, I believe you have been extremely angry with your guides during this time, believing they have abandoned you or that they do not have your best interests at heart. Your anger is 100% valid and you need to forgive yourself for hating them.

1211:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 1211 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Pile Three:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Two of Wands:

You may have just entered a partnership recently. In most cases, the Two of Wands describes a business partnership but based on the energy I am getting from this pile, I feel this could pertain to a romantic relationship for some. When this card comes out, it shows how well you and your partner work together and that you will go far together.

Page of Wands:

This person is an extremely friendly individual. They are very adventurous and fun-loving. Their charm and ability to communicate enable them to make friends easily. If this is a business relationship this is what has helped or will help the two of you get far.

Trapped in Fear:

This person's friendliness has been eating away at you for a long time. You are scared that this person’s friendliness will not make them committed to you. That they will leave you for something or someone better. Your fear has taken control over you and this relationship and it has gotten so bad that it is so far out of your control now.

Light:

You have let your fear control your life and your relationship, which has affected your happiness, especially in this relationship. Previously, you could fake happiness around this person, but now it has gotten so bad that you are unable to fake it.

What do you have control over in your life?

Two of Pentacles:

You may have struggled to maintain balance in your life in the past, but lately, that is not something that you struggle with anymore. Your life seems to be getting back to normal now that you have recently started regaining balance in areas where it had been missing for some time.

The Hierophant:

While it may not apply to everyone, I am seeing that you may have been unsure about marriage for some time now, which may be due to your lack of balance, but as of now, I am seeing that you may want to get married in the near future. A marriage, you feel, will give you a solid foundation in your life. For those who are already married, you may have felt that your marriage was one of the things lacking stability in your life, but now that you have regained a sense of balance in your life, it seems to be doing well.

Firm Foundation:

Following a period where you were lacking stability in your life, your guides are expressing to you that now you can create a foundation that is firm and lasting in your life. Whether it's marriage or finding stability and balance in your relationships, this is something to look forward to.

What is outside of your power?

The World:

You have a lot of anxieties when it comes to endings in your life, especially endings in your relationships whether romantic or platonic. Your guides are telling you that these endings are beyond your control. You cannot always keep people in your life, and that is okay. It is not possible to force people to stay or to put off endings. You need to let go of your fears in these situations.

Stand your Ground:

You have been allowing your fears and anxieties control your life for quite some time now and your guides are telling you that now is the time you stood your ground. You need to learn to control your anxieties.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

Seven of Cups:

You are being presented with a variety of options in your life, and most of these options are tempting you to veer off course. You are being told not to steer off course by your guides. Currently, you are on the right track and you do not need to change direction anytime soon. Say no to the people or things that tempt you to change.

Temptation:

We have established that you are being tempted by people and things in your life that seem much more fun than your current path. Stay on course; don't let these temptations lead you to change your direction. All the signs you get are urging you to stay on track.

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

Seven of Wands (reversed):

It feels as though you have fought tooth and nail to get to the point where you currently are, and you are tempted to change your course of action because nothing is going your way. You feel pretty defeated right now in some areas of your life.

Justice:

In this situation, you should know that justice will be served to you. Your efforts will pay off, all you need to do is start believing that you are worthy of winning. That's what needs maintenance, your mindset.

Spiritual Union:

What we have been discussing might be a soulmate connection, be it romantic or platonic. When it comes to this relationship, it may seem as though things are not going your way, but your guides are telling you that this is not the case, you will soon be facing justice.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

The Empress:

The Empress represents growth and feminine energy. You embody The Empress' qualities. You have a strong sense of self-worth and exude a calming and nurturing energy. Your guides are telling you to hold onto this side of you at all costs. Don't let someone or something make you lose this part of yourself.

Ace of Wands:

Starting new passions is something that brings you great joy. You are constantly moving onto new passions because you love the excitement they bring. Your guides are telling you to never let this side of you go, keep it safe at all costs.

Emotional Loss:

In the past, you may have experienced a major heartbreak that caused you to want to change aspects of yourself in order to get this person back or to make more people like you. Taking this step is not a good idea. You are being told here that changing yourself for someone else is not the right way to go about your life journey and you should not let other people's pressure to change your personality damage yours.

Channeled Messages:

Sword:

You have been considering making a change recently, whether it is cutting your hair or starting a new hobby, and your guides are telling you to go for it here.

5849:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 5849 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Pile Four:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Three of Cups:

All things fun are associated with the Three of Cups. Previously, you may have been the party animal, the one everyone turned to for fun and to plan all of the get-togethers. Now, you have changed and it seems that people in your life still expect you to be that person, but you are no longer that person. It has become a conflicted situation since you feel that you have to fulfill that role in order for the peace to continue.

Harmony:

You are trying to be an old version of yourself in order to maintain harmony in your relationships at the moment, which is why it seems that harmony is lacking in them at the moment. You’ll be unhappy because you have to pretend to be someplace you’re not, so the harmony can't be maintained. It's hard to pretend to be happy when you're not.

What do you have control over in your life?

Eight of Pentacles:

At this time in your life, you have control over your mind. You know that you are not that old version of yourself, and you know that you do not want to be that person. Because you think the people in your life won't enjoy this new version of you, you pretend that you are still that person. Your guides are telling you with this card that you are in control of who you are and you know who you are. It shouldn't be necessary for you to pretend to be someone you aren't. People who do not like you for who you are aren't meant to be in your life.

Sacral Chakra:

In your Sacral Chakra, you find all of your feelings, desire, creativity, and sexuality. You may not realize you are in control of these things in your life because you're trying so hard to be someone you're not. By pretending to be an old version of yourself, your guides are telling you that you are causing this chakra to get out of balance. Stop trying to be someone you're not. It's unhealthy.

What is outside of your power?

Nine of Wands:

You will experience small setbacks in your journey with the nine of wands. Therefore, I am not surprised that you are experiencing some stress in your life due to setbacks. Every time you think you are getting closer to the finish line, something comes up that sets you back a few steps. Your guides are telling you that there really is nothing you can do to stop this from happening. Sometimes you will face setbacks, that’s just how life is.

Financial and Material Changes:

Money changes may be involved in these setbacks. It is possible that you are spending more than you are earning, causing you to struggle financially. Alternatively, you may be in a career such as running your own business where money doesn’t come as often as you’d like which pushes you back a few steps in your path. There's not much you can do about this at the moment, according to your guides.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

The Hanged Man:

In order to keep the peace, you have been making sacrifices in your life for quite some time now. One of the main sacrifices is you feeling the need to change yourself to make your friends happy. Your guides are telling you now is the time to stop feeling the need to change yourself for others.

The Star:

There is a small part of you that wishes you could one day feel happy while doing this. Your guides, however, say this is not the case. It is pointless to hope that one-day things will go well for you while you pretend to be someone you aren't.

Balance:

There is a lack of balance in your life right now because you are not fully expressing yourself. In order for you to regain balance in your life, your guides are telling you to stop thinking you have to be someone you are not in order for others to like you.

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

The Devil:

For quite some time now, you've been lacking fun and happiness in your life. This is because you believe pretending to be someone other than yourself will allow you to have fun. Having fun within your true self is what your guides are telling you to do. Make a point of finding new things that make you happy and things that you enjoy doing. You can have fun while being yourself.

The World:

You need a completion in your life right now. A completion in you thinking that in order for you to be liked you need to be someone else. It is now time to start showing your true self instead of hiding it.

Deception and Envy:

You may be jealous of the people in your life who are more confident than you are and do not fear expressing themselves. Your guides are telling you that expressing your true self will help you overcome this jealousy.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

Six of Cups:

A soulmate relationship in your life is something you need to protect at all costs. Though I do believe that it is a platonic relationship, it could be either romantic or platonic. Your guides are telling you that this person brings you great joy and you shouldn't let them go.

Firm Foundation:

Possibly this person has been in your life for quite some time now, and you have a solid relationship with them. You two get along really well together and are extremely comfortable in each other's company. In front of this person, you might even be able to express yourself fully. According to your guides, you should keep this relationship safe at all costs. You shouldn't let your current situation affect your relationship with this person.

Channeled Messages:

Potion:

During this time, your guides encourage you to practice self-care and self-love. Since you've been hiding your true self for so long, you've forgotten to take care of yourself. At this time, make sure that you are putting yourself first.

Lioness:

You have come a long way in your life and have experienced so many things that have left you physically and emotionally scarred. Here, the message is not to hide. As a result of your life experiences, you have accumulated some scars, but you should not be ashamed of them. The time has come for you to fully embrace everything that makes you who you are.

1332:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 1332 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

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