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#will my adhd let me write today??? lets see!!!
ughgoaway · 9 months
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I really want to get this fic out tonight but I fear it will not happen...
1.9k in and literally nothing of the plot has happened it's all matty being soppy about how in love he is?? I have a one track mind and its never on actual plot lol
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raytm · 5 days
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i am playing the wuuwaaa,,,,
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girl-bateman · 5 months
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Libraries save me.... 😩😩💗
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dontfuckmylifewtf · 7 months
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The only reason I don't think I have AD(H)D is because there aren't a bunch of voices in my head at the same time. And I do have not cleaned my room, but I love Dustin and cleaning the living room and cleaning the kitchen.
And I don't have the H in in ADHD. So ADD. Test are ambiguous as in "You should get checked".
But in the end I think I'm just a little quirky normal brain that doesn't listen to others boxed opinions.
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luveline · 6 days
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hi love! i absolutely adore ur writing and u should be so so proud of it. anyway i was just thinking about coworker james when readers car wont start in the parking lot and he like takes a look at it and is under the hood and reader is just like "oh...😍" cause the muscles are OUT and shes down bad
ty lovely 💌 fem
“Oh,” you say, “of course.” 
You drop your face into your steering wheel and sigh. An annoyed burst of sound, not cute or feminine or fun, a grunt of defeat. This sucks. Work sucks, life sucks, your car not starting is the least of your worries and yet somehow the most prevalent. 
How am I gonna get home? you think to yourself, defeated.
“Hey!” someone calls. Jogging, the last person you want to see in the world right now stopping at your door. James frowns at you. “It’s not starting?” 
You pop your door, careful not to pop him at the same time. “How’d you know?” 
“I heard the engine turn over.”
“It’s making a clicking sound,” you say, twisting the key so he can hear it. 
“It’s dead, probably. Your battery.”
James has an odd way of talking occasionally, as though you’ve started a conversation and he’s adding onto it. Remus says it's ADHD. You like it no matter what it is and despite yourself —it’s getting harder to pretend you don’t like him. Like, you hate him, he’s annoying beyond explanation, but your more positive feelings for him are heavy and ever present. So, so heavy.
“I’ll pull my car up and we can give it a jumpstart,” he says. “Easy fix.” 
“You don’t have to go?” 
“What?” 
“You have rugby today.” 
“Oh, no, it's the off season now.” He smiles and you don’t get why. “Let me go get the car.” 
James jogs back to his car and brings it next to yours. Everybody who isn’t Human Resources or security has left already, leaving the car park practically empty, ample room for him to park beside you. He gets back out. 
“I don’t have, uh, cables,” you say.
James gives you a smile that is as patronising as it is attractive. “Don’t worry about it, beautiful. I have everything you need.” 
He feels along the edge of your hood, pops the seal, pushes it up into the air, and hooks the prop rod into place. He’s clearly done it before, and the whole while you’re watching his arm. His rolled sleeves draw attention to the tightness at his bicep, and the moving ligament and muscle of his tricep as he leans into the engine to look things over. “I’m no mechanic, but I do know everything, and I thought maybe things were a bit hot but your engine’s stone cold.” 
“So it’s definitely the battery?” 
“Probably.” He scratches his jaw, peering curiously into the guts of it all. “When was the last time somebody looked in here?” he asks, squinting at you, unaware that he’s the finest thing you’ve ever seen. 
Your breath gets caught. 
“Have you ever had it looked at?” he asks, concerned. 
“I… maybe I did. I think so.” 
“You’re supposed to have it looked at every year? For MOT?” 
“I know, I thought you meant before that.” He’s distracting.
James looks you over. “It’s fine,” he says emphatically, “even if I can’t fix your battery, I can still drive you home. You’re panicking for no reason.” 
“Right.” Panicking! Yes, this is panic.
“Listen, can you get the jump leads from my boot? I have to open the hood.” He gestures for you to go. You do as he’s asked, wobbly, and struggle when you get there to actually open it. You slides your fingers under his car's emblem and flinch as it flies up past your face. 
His boot is surprisingly well organised. There’s a duffel bag to one side half-zipped that showcases a flash of red and white uniform, a pair of formal shoes, a dark jacket folded and hidden behind the bag. You want to be nosey and you don’t want him to think you’re stupid. You rush to grab the cables and almost clip yourself on the boot as you duck from under the boot and round the car. 
James smiles when he sees you. No indication that you’re an imposition, it’s sort of like you’re two friends. 
He pushes his sleeves farther up and digs in. It’s awful, what business does he have looking so sharply put together? You hadn’t thought you were preferential to muscle until right this moment watching James move around your engine like an expert. 
“What are your plans tonight?” 
Your palms are hot behind your back. “I was thinking I’d watch a new movie.” 
“That sounds fun.” He ducks away from the engine. “I don’t watch many movies.”
“What do you do with all your time?” 
“Argue with Sirius about who’s turn it is to wash the dishes.” 
You startle. “You and Sirius live together?” 
James laughs and pulls the leads to his own engine. “You didn’t know that?” 
“You come in different cars.” 
“I come in much earlier than he does. And after work he and Remus always have things to do. It’s weird, isn’t it, how couples are always busy? I feel like I never do anything.” James grins at you. “This is interesting, at least. My Friday night isn’t a total waste.” 
James gets into his car and you into yours. With some fiddling, pleading, and a strange noise, he manages to push life back into your car. His smile when it works is his worst one to date, elated and shockingly handsome. 
That Monday, against your better judgement, you bring him a little carrot cake in a tin. A thank you card felt like too much. 
To his credit, he doesn’t brag to anyone that he saved you. He says thank you for the cake with another real smile, and for some reason, despite the mild weather, he rolls his sleeves up at his desk. Almost like he noticed you…
Well, he couldn’t have. Right?
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midnightstar-90 · 8 months
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In Charge
Cooper Family x Fem!Reader | Georgie Copper x Fem!Reader Taglist | Requests | Wattpad Main Masterlist | Other Actors and Characters Masterlist Requested Anonymously: “hi honey! i have no idea if your still taking requests but if you are, could you do a georgie cooper x fem!reader (where they are already dating), and that missy some how convinces everyone to pretend to be a family (like georgie’s the dad, y/n is the mum, sheldon and missy are the kids) and at the end when y/n stays over georgie tells them how great of a mum she would be and how he wants to start a family with her? just pure fluff? love your work so so much <333” Summary: The reader’s in charge and all she wants is Peace, which leads to an interesting conversation between her and Georgie. Warnings: None, really. I mean, there's fluff, but other than that... nothing really A/N: My ADHD is allowing me to write today, so that is what I shall do. This will be based before Georgie drops out of school and has a kid. And because it was an anonymous request, I couldn’t ask, but instead of playing house, I made it as the reader babysitting. That’s kind of like playing house right? I just didn’t know how to make it about them playing house without it basically being Y/N and Georgie babysitting. If you requested this and didn’t like it, I will rewrite it as them all playing house, just privately DM me, if you’d like to remain anonymous. Words: 2.4K
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“Alright, everyone, I’m headed to the store,” Mary said as she exited her room. She made her way through the living room seeing Y/N and Georgie cuddled up on the couch, flipping through channels with no one else in sight.
Mary turned to Georgie and asked, “Where’s your father?”
Georgie’s eyes stayed glued to the TV screen as he gave his mother a shrug of the shoulders. Y/N saw this and slapped Georgie’s shoulder with a hard glare. “Georgie, it’s disrespectful to ignore your mother,” the teenage girl said sternly.
“Ow!” Georgie exclaimed, looking away from the TV to observe his arm for a bruise. When he realized he was okay, he looked up, looking between his girlfriend and his mother. “I didn’t ignore her. I said that I didn’t know.”
Y/N glared and rolled her eyes at the boy before looking over at her boyfriend’s mother. “I don’t know where he went, but he was grumbling about having a hard day,” She said, answering Mary for Georgie. Mary thanked the girl before continuing into the kitchen with a scoff. She mumbled her husband’s name, annoyed, and called out, “Y/N’s in charge.” Georgie’s eyes instantly went wide in shock as he stared wide-eyed at the kitchen entrance, unable to actually see his mother from his current position. Y/N sat next to him with a smirk as they heard the sound of keys jingling and a door closing.
As soon as the door closed, Sheldon stormed out of his room, looking as if he was about to blow his top. “Mom!” He loudly called out, not receiving an answer. 
Georgie paid no mind to the boy, instead bringing him back to the television as if nothing happened. Y/N looked over at the boy with caring eyes and said, “She just left. What’s up, bud.”
“Do you know when she’ll be back?” Sheldon asked frantically.
“No, I don’t. I’m sorry. Is it something I can help with?”
Sheldon hesitated, not knowing if he trusted Y/N enough to help him. He wasn’t used to going to people outside of his family for help. He huffed, “Missy took my Flash action figure, and she won’t give it back.”
Y/N stood from her spot on the couch. Georgie gave her a quick look and then turned back to the TV. “I’m sure Missy wasn’t trying to intentionally upset you, Sheldon,” The girl reassured him in a soft voice.
Sheldon gave Y/N a blank stare. “Have you met my sister?”
She chuckled and said, “Come on. Let’s see for ourselves.”
She followed Sheldon to his shared room, leaving Georgie alone on the couch. As they entered, the two spotted Missy sitting on her bed playing with a Barbie doll and Sheldon’s Flash action figure.”
“See!” Sheldon exclaimed, pointing directly at his twin.
Y/N let out a small “mhm” as she moved to sit on Missy’s bed, next to her. “Hi, Missy.”
“Hi,” She responded, continuing to play with the doll and action figure. (I know there are people who would ridicule me if I put the action figure in the “dolls” category, so I’ll leave it at that.)
“Whatcha doing?”
“Playing.”
Y/N heard a frustrated groan behind her and quietly sighed.
“Missy?” Y/N spoke a bit more sternly than before.
“Hmm.” Missy looked up at the older girl.
“Did you take Sheldon’s to-”
“Action figure,” Sheldon cut the girl off to correct her.
“Did you take your brother’s Action Figure without asking?” Y/N asked. The younger girl gave the teenager an apologetic frown as she slowly placed the dolls on the bed. Sheldon swooped in behind the girl and snatched his Flash action figure from off of his twin’s bed.
“It’s not very nice to take people’s things without asking. What if Sheldon did it to you?”
“I’d punch him in the face,” Missy Responded. 
Y/N scolded Missy, causing her to shy away. “Apologise to your brother.”
“But-”
“I said apologise.”
“This isn’t fair.”
“That doesn’t sound like an apology to me,” Y/N said, still scolding the child in front of her. She heard a snicker behind her and slowly turned to face Sheldon. Sheldon jumped. His smile was replaced with a look of fright. “Something funny?” Y/N asked the boy. She was now scolding him, but it was the frightening position the girl was in that really scared him. Her body was facing his sister, whilst her head faced him. He felt as if he were staring into the eyes of an owl that looked like his brother’s girlfriend.
He quickly shook his head. “No. No problem.”
“I don’t think laughing at someone who is trying to apologize is really respectful. I think you both should apologize to each other,” She ordered. The room went silent for a second before the two suddenly began to speak, simultaneously.
“I’m sorry for taking your stupid doll without asking.”
“I’m sorry for laughing at your terrible excuse for an apology.”
Y/N looked between the two in utter shock. How can they both be this bad at apologizing? She shrugged it off as she stood up from her sitting position. “Well, it wasn’t the best, but we’ll get there.  For now, I don’t want to hear any more about this Flash doll-”
“Action figure.”
“Whatever! I don’t want to hear about it anymore, okay? The two nodded and the girl took that as her cue to go. She went back into the living room to see Georgie still watching TV. She scoffed, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend.
As she approached her spot on the couch, Georgie looked up, finally noticing her. “Hey, you’re back,” Georgie said with a smile. “I kept your seat warm for you.” He patted the spot where she sat, earlier. 
Y/N looked down at the couch cushion in disgust. “Literally or figuratively, because I told you last time that that was gro-”
“Relax. It was figurative. Geez, you do one thing as a joke, and suddenly you’re labeled for life.”
Y/N laughed at her boyfriend's dramatics as she joined him on the couch. Georgie looked over at the girl, admiring everything about her. In his mind, he saw Y/N as the prettiest girl in the universe. No one compared to the girl when it came to looks, smarts, and her nurturing personality. 
He wrapped his arm around the girl and pulled her into his chest. “You know, I think you would make an amazing mother one day,” Georgie said, catching Y/N off guard. She lifted her head off of her boyfriend’s chest so that she could look at him.
“Wow! Where did that come from?”
“I’ve seen you with my family, and despite how messed up it is, you manage to wedge yourself into everyone’s heart one way or another. Not to mention the fact that I heard how you handled Sheldon and Missy, just now. That’s something I’ve only seen my mother do and succeed. But in my opinion, you did it best,” Georgie said. Y/N’s heart was racing as watched and listened to Georgie speak about her. Tears brimmed her eyes as she gave the boy a loving smile before giving him a quick kiss.
“Awe, Georgie. That’s the sweetest thing anyone has said to me.”
“Well, it’s true.”
“If it’s any consolation, I think you’ll be an amazing father.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Y/N chuckled. The two pulled each other in super close for a tight hug. Y/N’s head, once again rested on Georgie’s chest. She closed her eyes as she took in the aroma of her boyfriend’s cologne. Georgie placed a kiss on top of her head, wishing that this moment would never end.
When they pulled out of the hug, Y/N moved slightly away from the boy, so that she could get a better look at him. She wore a mischievous smirk as she asked, “When you thought of me as a mother, what did you envision?”
She chuckled as she watched Georgie think for a second. “I saw you… as my wife. And in your arms, we have a son, who you can never put down because he loves his momma so much that if you try to put him down, he screams. And don’t get me started on the sleeping situation.” Y/N laughed, making Georgie smile. She motioned for Georgie to continue. “Okay, well we also have 4 other kids.”
Y/N’s eyes went wide in astonishment. “5 kids? You think of us having 5 kids?” 
“And a dog. Anyways there’s little Joanne, but she goes by “Jo”. She’s a tomboy and a daddy’s girl at the same time. Then there is Tommy. He’s a year older than Jo, and he’s tough. If you mess with his siblings you are in a world of hurt.”
Y/N nodded her head, saying a small “okay,” as she continued to listen. “The oldest two are Fawn and Sam. Their completely different, but the two are always together, which sometimes leads to fighting. That’s where you, the mamma bear come in. You know all your kids, and you know how to easily tame them.”
“I like it,” Y/N chuckled. “Now I don’t know if I can handle 5 kids, but I love your idea of what our family would look like in about 20-30 years.”
“Hold on. You want to wait until we're in our 30’s and 40’s to have kids?”
“Sorta. I mean having all those kids is gonna take time. And how will we support them if we aren’t stable? You can take care of kids all day, but who is gonna provide? Kids are expensive, Georgie. You gotta feed them, clothe them, put them through school, take them to the doctor. You need money for all of those things.”
“And I can do that,” Georgie added. “I’m gonna be the moneymaker. I’ll have a job that pays well, and move us into a nice, big house.”
“What about me?”
“What about you?”
“I don’t want to be a housewife. I want to have my own job. And why do you get to be the main source of income?” 
“First off, I didn’t say you had to be a housewife. You can have a job, but I want to be the one who gives you everything you want. I want to take care of you and to do that, I work hard, maybe even owning my own company.”
“Businessman. I can somewhat see it.”
“Well, I will be. That’s how we can afford everything because my business is booming,” Georgie assured the girl. Her smile remained on her face, getting wider and wider as they went deeper into their hypothetical future together.
The two continue to talk for a few more minutes as the sound of feet walking across the floor gets closer and closer to them. The sound eventually stops behind Y/N. Georgie looks up and glares at the person who interrupted their moment together. “What now, Sheldon?” Georgie asked with a touch of irritation.
“I’m hungry,” Sheldon spoke. Y/N turned to look at the boy.
Georgie responded to Sheldon, “You’re smart, don’t you know how to make you a sandwich?” Y/N kicked Georgie’s leg, receiving a small “ow” from the older boy.
“Sheldon, your mom went to the store. I’m sure she’ll be back soon and she will start on dinner.”
“But I’m hungry now.”
“Sheldon, if you eat now, then you are gonna spoil your appetite. And you know more than anyone that it takes longer than an hour or two to digest your food, so why don’t you go back in your room, and wait.”
“Okay,” Sheldon sighed as he made his way back to his room.
“See! You just tamed a wild Sheldon, that’s almost impossible.” Y/N rolled her eyes at Georgie’s comment.
“Y/N!” Missy called out walking into the living room. Y/N watched the younger girl walk in with an arm full of dolls. “Y/N, will you play with me? I’m bored, and I have no one to play with.”
“Sure,” Y/N agreed, giving Missy a beaming smile. She moved off the couch. “What? Nooo! Where are you going?” Georgie asked, frowning up at his girlfriend as she moved farther and farther away from him. Missy quickly grabbed Y/N’s hand with her free hand and started pulling her toward her room. Y/N looked back at Georgie and whispered “Sorry,” whilst laughing at Georgie’s expression.
Georgie eventually left the couch and went to his room. He was jealous of the fact that Missy and Sheldon had basically hogged up all their time together. He aggressively flopped on his bed and opened up the magazine he was reading before Y/N came over.
His door was open, in case Y/N got bored of playing dolls with Missy and wanted to join him. So when Mary walked into the house and dropped her keys in the key bowl, Georgie heard it. Y/N must have heard also, because as soon as he heard his mother grunt, probably from bringing in groceries, Y/N rushed out of the room and graciously helped the woman.
Georgie stood from his bed and curiously entered the kitchen. He watched Mary and Y/N laugh as they walked back into the house with the groceries. “I must admit Y/N since Georgie has started seeing you, he’s been different.” Y/N looked up at the woman with a frown. “No! Not in a bad way. He’s kinder and a bit more respectful. And look at this house! Usually, I come home and there is something that needs cleaning up, and today, it’s just as I left it.”
“Well, thank you, Mrs. Cooper. We did have some issues, but it was quickly resolved and the peace was restored.”
“Oh, you don’t have to think of me. You did an excellent job. I hope one day I get to call you my daughter-in-law.”
“Awe. Stop Mrs. Copper. You’re gonna make me cry,” She said, fanning her bright red face. Georgie saw the tears lining her eyes from where he stood.
The front door opened, revealing George walking into the house in his work clothes. He saw Georgie standing in the kitchen watching his mother and girlfriend interact. “What are you doing?” He asked his son as he approached.
“Mom and Y/N are… bonding? I don’t actually know what’s happening,” Georgie said with a shrug of his shoulders.
George chuckled and clapped his hand against his son’s back. “From me to you, good luck. You’re gonna need it.” And with that, George was gone, leaving a confused Georgie alone with his thoughts.
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everyonewooeverywhere · 4 months
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MDNI 18+ BLOG -> ageless blogs and minors WILL BE BLOCKED
pairing ✭ bf!jongho x f!reader
synopsis ✭ when you come home from a less-than-perfect day, your boyfriend is nowhere to be found, but you don't want to call him and ask him to come home while he's out with friends. even though he'd drop everything if he knew you were struggling.
content/genre ✭ smut 18+ MDNI, established relationship, non-idol!au, hurt to comfort, slightly angsty, relatively fluffy (certainly the fluffiest thing i've ever written here)
word count ✭ 2.5k
note ✭ so this was something i really needed to write for myself, i think. for those who don't know (which is all of you lol) i have adhd. where i see it the most in my own life is chronic procrastination. it's something i've had to learn to cope with a lot throughout my life. a lot of times, when i feel the need to avoid feeling the stress of my personal life, i'll scroll on instagram or tumblr forever. which then leads to a heaping ton of guilt in the following hours as i try to make up for lost time. it's a wonderful cycle.
anyway, this is to say, that coping alone can be incredibly difficult. don't get me wrong, i have a handful of wonderful friends (who go to school across the country) and an angel of a therapist, but i often romanticize having someone there to help drag me out of those hopeless cycles. and not because i think i need someone to do it for me, but having that person is a really comforting thought. and, today, that is jongho i guess 😀
that being said, this mc doesn't necessarily have adhd, but they are certainly experiencing something that i experience very frequently as a byproduct of it.
like, is this smut? yeah, but im allowed to be emotional 😗
warnings ✭ mc is stressed af, protected sex, really soft sex (they're in love 😤)
✭✭✭✭
It was a terrible day. One of the worst you’d had in a while. Nothing seemed to be going your way. You’d ripped your favorite pair of tights this morning when getting ready in a hurry after waking up super late. You’d locked yourself out of the apartment. The seven dollar coffee you’d bought for yourself to cope with aforementioned events had spilt all over your desk, ruining the book you had just received as a gift from a coworker. And, to top it all off, your boss had demanded you to stay late to finish what was supposed to be his job.
So when you finally made it back to your apartment, after waiting in the lobby forever waiting for your landlord to let you in, you wanted nothing more than to collapse on the couch with your boyfriend and fall asleep in his arms. 
You were plagued with fatigue as you slipped out of your work shoes and made your way through the kitchen and into the living room, not finding him anywhere. The bedroom the two of you shared was also completely vacant. Nothing had changed since you’d left this morning. He hadn’t been home all day.
Maybe he’s just working late, you thought, slightly defeated knowing you’d have to wait for him, not knowing how long it would take. 
Trying to take your mind off of it, you scrolled on your phone for a completely indiscernible amount of time, feeling completely defeated with the day you’d had. Moving in with Jongho months ago has been an incredibly helpful step for you. Before the two of you had lived together, you were a master of procrastinating your own feelings. Constantly letting yourself rot away in your bed and letting the day pass you by. Only to be plagued by that crushing guilt that came with letting a day go by unproductively. Living with Jongho had given you someone to hold you accountable. To pull you out of bed because sometimes it was impossible to do it on your own.
But on nights like these, where your boyfriend was nowhere to be found, which was not a common occurrence, you felt yourself slipping back into the endless cycle of losing yourself in your phone for countless hours. 
Hours passed and the sun was almost completely down before you received a text from your boyfriend.
| jongho 🐻🤎: hey love, sorry i had to stay late for work today. i’m gonna go get some drinks with my coworkers.
| jongho 🐻🤎: that ok?
God, you felt so helpless. How horrible and controlling of a partner would you be to tell him ‘no?’ Did he ask? Yes, but you desperately didn’t want to be the girl who always needed to be by her boyfriend’s side. Telling him he couldn’t go out with his friends would make you feel like such a nuisance. You stared at the screen for a good two minutes, biting your thumb, trying to think of how to respond.
| jongho 🐻🤎: y/n? 
| jongho 🐻🤎: i can see you read the message. is everything alright?
Before you could even draft a response, his name flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, you slid your thumb across the screen, answering the call.
“Hi,” you picked up.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” You could hear some of his coworkers in the background. He must already be at the bar. 
You held in a sigh, “Nothing, I’m alright. Why?”
“Y/n, you read and didn’t respond to my message. Like you were overthinking a response."
You didn’t say anything. Overthinking yet another response.
“Love, I don’t even want to be here that badly. If you need me to come home, I will. But you’ve gotta tell me.” He was being so patient with you. So much more patient than you thought you deserved, though he would certainly disagree with that.
You took a deep breath, nearing tears, “I–” this was so incredibly hard, “Can you please come home? I didn’t really have a great day.”
“Of course, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”
“No, it’s alright. I just need to see you.”
“Ok, just hang in there alright. Why don’t you hop in the shower, and we can watch a movie when I get back. I’ll pick up some takeout on my way, too.”
When you hang up, you force yourself to get out of bed and get in the shower. It’s so rewarding and feels so relaxing that you can’t imagine why you ever couldn’t get out of the bed in the first place. But, of course, you say that every time. 
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By the time you had gotten out of the shower and dried your hair, Jongho had made it home with the takeout he’d promised in hand. 
When you left your bedroom, you saw him sitting on the floor in your living room. He’d lit a candle on the coffee table and set the food down with it. You could tell he’d changed out of his work clothes into a hoodie and basketball shorts, mirroring your almost identical outfit. He didn’t notice you at first. He was chatting to someone on the phone, seemingly a friendly conversation, and not one you wanted to interrupt. When he saw you, though, you heard him say goodbye to whoever was on the line. 
Throwing his phone down on the couch, he got up from the floor and met you at the door of your bedroom. Pulling you into a big hug, he placed a kiss on the top of your head. 
“No pressure, but, if you wanna talk about your day, we can.”
You shook your head, “Not really. I just wanna eat, I think.”
The two of you ate, sitting in comfortable silence on the floor in your living room. You noticed as you took in the scene around you, that Jongho had turned off all the overhead lights in the room. Leaving only the candlelight and the string lights around the ceiling to illuminate the room. There was something about warm lighting that made everything feel so much more cozy and comfortable. 
Your boyfriend wasn’t the most physically affectionate individual, but he never failed to make you feel loved. He always noticed the small things. He was hyper aware of your emotions in the least patronizing way possible. It was little moments like bringing home food for you and turning the cool-toned overhead lights off that reminded you that this man knew you better than anyone.
And that wasn’t something that happened overnight. He tried harder than anyone you’d ever met to know you. Your likes, dislikes, discomforts, phobias, and even your little habits. He knew it all. What he knew most is that you desired so bad to have someone to pull you out of your slump. Which is why he had come home early.
“I’m sorry you couldn’t stay out with your friends,” you whispered, staying focused on the food in front of you.
“I didn’t come home because I felt any obligation to. It’s not that I couldn’t stay out with my friends. It’s that you needed me here at home, and I wanted to come home and comfort you.” He ran a hand over your hair as he finished up his own food. 
That was another thing you loved about him. He wasn’t saying this because he wanted to make you feel better. He wanted you to know that you were not alone. That you were free to feel your feelings, and he’d always be right beside you to comfort you through them.
“Thank you,” you looked up at him, “I love you, you know that, right?”
“How could I ever forget? I love you, too, y/n.”
✭✭✭✭
After the food was gone and the coffee table was cleared, Jongho had put on a movie laid down on the couch, holding out his arms for you. When you finally sat between his legs and leaned into his chest, he pulled a quilted blanket over the two of you, wrapping his arms around you.
You paid very little mind to the movie playing on the TV. Instead you were focused on the rhythm of his breathing, the steady beating of his heart, and the minor movements his chest would make when he let out a soft laugh whatever he was watching.
He played with your hair, running his fingers through the strands, softly brushing his fingers over your neck with each pass. This position couldn’t have been more comfortable. Being with the man you loved as he comforted you in the way he knew best with absolutely no complaint was more than you could’ve ever dreamed of.
Jongho would claim that it was the bare minimum, but you always felt the need to let him know how much he really amazed you. 
When you reached your hand up to his cheek to brush your thumb over the skin, he looked down at you, completely forgetting about the movie playing. He grabbed your hand from his cheek and kissed your fingers, your palm, the back of your hand, the inside of your wrist.
Pulling yourself up to his face, you kissed him as softly as he’d done to your hand. Everything was so soft. From the way he kissed you to the way he caressed the skin under your hoodie right above the waistband of your shorts. From the hand you had in his hair to the way he lifted you to sit more comfortably in his lap.
He kissed your neck just as softly. You sighed contently. Fully basking in the way he took care of you. His movie was fully disregarded at this point as he gripped the bottom of your shirt.
Looking into your eyes he asked, “can I take care of you, love?” You nodded, helping him lift the sweatshirt over your head. 
Before you could even comprehend the nakedness of your chest, he lifted you into his arms and carried you to your shared bed. Laying you on your back. Your bare skin taking immense comfort in the softness of your sheet. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw his pants off to the side.
He immediately went back to kissing you. Hands moving from your cheeks, down your neck. His thumbs caressed your collarbone as his lips brushed the crook of your neck and then your shoulder. You shuddered when one of his hands took your breast. His lips met the other one, causing you to let out a breathy moan and weave your fingers through his dark hair.
He continued to kiss and touch every inch of your torso. When he got to your waistband, he left a small kiss under your belly button. His big brown eyes meeting your own as he pulled your shorts and underwear off together. Tossing them to the side of the bed. 
Lifting one of your legs onto his shoulder, he kissed your inner thigh, still meeting your eyes. The eye contact wasn’t broken until his thumb met your clit. Brushing over it slightly, making you toss your head back into the pillows under you. His mouth replaced his thumb, slowly teasing you. 
With his free hand, he took your own hand, the one that wasn’t gripping his hair, and threaded his fingers through yours. Thumb brushing over the back of your hand.
He felt so good. His tongue working so hard to make you feel pleasure. Everything was so gentle, but felt so euphoric. His fingers pumping in and out of you as he sucked on your clit. You felt like you could’ve floated away with the way he caressed your hand and your thigh. It wasn’t long before you were washed with a wave of pleasure. Everything was hot. You felt it rush through you from your ears down to your cunt. He kissed your thigh one more time after you came, fingers pushing you through the finale of your orgasm. 
Your breathing was ragged when he made it back up to your face, kissing you tenderly. Reaching a hand beneath the pillow under your head. He pulled out a condom. Before he could open it, you plucked it out of his hands, tearing it open as he stripped himself of his own underwear before you rolled the rubber onto his length. He groaned at the touch.
“You ready?” He asked, grabbing your arm and kissing your wrist.
You nodded, smiling, “yes. please, baby.”
When he pushed into you, you gasped and threw your head back again. He kissed your neck and shoulder, slowly thrusting into you. On most occasions, you’d beg him to go faster, but his subdued nature in this moment was so incredibly comforting. His thumb massaged your clit.
He kissed you deeply as he thrust into you. Completely overtaking your lips with his own. His kisses were so full of passion that your head spun. His adoration for you was so evident from the way he looked into your eyes when he stopped kissing you. Your foreheads pressed together, separated only by a thin layer of sweat. 
“I love you so much, y/n,” he says, just above a whisper. So close that you can feel his breath tickle your lips when he says it.
You moan softly, feeling yourself reach a second high, “I love you, too.”
It’s only a matter of minutes before you reach your orgasm. You grip his shoulders tight as he coaxes you through your climax. Walls fluttering around him as he finishes inside the condom. 
He kisses your lips once more before pulling out. He pushes himself off the bed to throw it away. When he comes back, he slides back into bed with you. Breath still slightly ragged. 
You laid on his chest, listening to his heart beat once more.
Running a hand over his stomach, you said, “Thanks for coming home early today.”
“Of course, love. You know I’d drop anything to come home to you if you were struggling.”
“I just feel like such a nuisance asking for you to come home,” you groaned.
He ran a hand over your hair, “I will never ever see you asking for help as a nuisance. Sometimes you just need a little push. Or sometimes you just need to lay in someone’s arms. I will always be there to do that for you. No matter the circumstance, ok?”
You wanted to protest, tell him he was too much, too good to you, but he kept going, “I trust you. I know that when you ask me to come home, it’s not because you're insecure or controlling. It’s because you need help, and I want you to always feel comfortable asking for it.”
He’d left you just a little bit speechless. All you could respond with was a gentle kiss on his lips.
For him, though, that was more than enough.
✭✭✭✭
note ✭ ok this shit got really personal 💀 but i did really enjoy writing it. it's not often that i write a whole oneshot in one sitting but i did today (other than my minor break to eat dinner).
also, i was actually between writing this for vernon or jongho because i felt like they both kinda fit the vibe (sorry if the knowledge that this could have been a hansol fic makes anyone sad), but maybe i'll write something similar for him next time i'm feeling it
again, i hope you enjoyed this! thank you so much for reading 💗
mwah~
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janeyseymour · 4 months
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As per your request! I just copied and pasted it from my comment!!
Also. Love your stories. Love it when you post them. They’re just always so short!! I’m so greedy! I always want more!! I’m always full of ideas so if you need any just ask. (I feel like you don’t need them though you do so well writing!) I’m far to ADHD to actually write any of them so happy for you to create the magic lol
They randomly meet a few weeks/months later in a coffee shop and sit down and chat… or she just happens to Bert her bestie Ava at the school hoping to get a glimpse of her!!
I dunno. You’re the artist! As long as it’s happy and smooshy!! 🥰
Thank you for your sweet, sweet words! As requested, here is part 2! I definitely didn't follow the prompt at all, but this is what I came up with, and I hope it's okay!
Enchanted- pt 2
Part 1
WC: ~2.4k
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You went to text Ava the next day after meeting Melissa, but you just couldn’t find the courage. So here you are, still just sitting at your desk job, thinking about her. Your mind is filled with what she could be doing right now- actually you know what she’s doing: it’s 11 am on a Monday morning. She’s at school, probably teaching her second graders. You sit there for another half an hour before it’s finally time for your lunch break, and you take the walk down to the Wawa around the corner like you usually do. 
Melissa opens up her Tupperware container, only to let out a loud groan at the odor that comes out of it.
“What the hell is that smell?” Ava scrunches her nose up as she walks in.
“I knew it was a risk bringing this today,” the redhead grumbles as she dumps the contents out into the trash can. “But I thought I could get another day out of it.”
“Damn, girl,” the principal laughs. “That sucks. Wawa lunch for you, I guess.”
“Anyone want anything?” the second grade teacher asks as she slings her bag over her shoulder. Jacob goes to say something, but he’s cut off by Melissa loudly announcing, “Alright, if no one wants anything, I’ll be back in twenty minutes.”
She storms her way down to the convenience store- the same convenience store that you’re currently standing in. She sees you as soon as she walks in.
You’re not nearly as dressed up as you were the other night when she saw you, and you look to be in deep concentration as you decide what you want for lunch that day. She chuckles as she watches your furrow your brows deeper than she ever thought possible. She’s absolutely enamored.
“For Christ’s sake, Y/N,” you chastise yourself quietly. “Just pick something.”
She stands behind you and laughs softly. “You know, you can’t go wrong with their quesadillas.”
You nearly jump three feet in the air. You weren’t expecting anybody to come up behind you, and you certainly weren’t ready for the woman that has been occupying your thoughts to be there.
“Oh my…” you take a deep breath as you look at her. She looks… wow. Your cheeks instantly heat up. “Hey, Melissa.”
“Hey, hun,” she chuckles. “You forget lunch today too?”
You don’t really want to admit this, but you aren’t about to lie. “I usually take a walk down here everyday for lunch.”
“Everyday?”
“Like clock work,” you tell her, as you still mull over what to get for lunch. “It’s so bad most of the employees here know me by name.”
As if on cue, one of the workers there looks up and gives you a grin. “Hey, Y/N! The usual today?”
“Usual?” Melissa smirks.
“Aw, yeah!” the employee grins. “Homegirl comes in everyday!”
“Damn, you weren’t kidding’,” the redhead mutters, smirk still written on her face. She hip checks you lightly, effectively making you move over. She hits a few buttons, and then looks at you expectantly. You just stand there, not quite sure what you’re supposed to do.
“Oi,” the woman rolls her eyes. “Put in your order before I order for you.”
“Oh, no,” you stumble out. “I- I couldn’t ask you to pay for my-”
“You didn’t ask, I’m just doin’ it. And I ain’t gonna hear any arguments,” she tells you sternly.
“Melissa, I-”
“Hey, kid!” the teacher calls to the employee that greeted you. “What’s her order?”
He rattles it off as Melissa taps through the different screens, and you give him a look of betrayal. She prints off the ticket, wanders over to the drinks and grabs a raspberry tea before heading for the register.
“Melissa, you really don’t have to,” you try again.
She’s already handing the ticket over to the man behind the counter and pulling her card out of her wallet though.
“At least let me give you cash… or Venmo?”
“Absolutely not,” she rolls her eyes. The two of you stand and wait for them to make your meals, and when she hands in the printed paper and gets your food, she hands it to you with a smile. “Enchanted.”
With a hair toss, she makes her way out. The entire walk back to your office, you grin. She bought you lunch. She said, ‘enchanted’ again. Then, you mentally kick yourself because you didn’t ask her out, you didn’t ask for her number, you didn’t tell her you would get the next meal, you didn’t even reply with that one word that seems to be your thing now.
You eat your usual order from Wawa, and there’s something about it… it just tastes so much better.
As Melissa struts back into the school, she has that confident smile on her face.
“Damn, what happened to you in that Wawa, girl?” Ava laughs as she watches the redhead settle back into her seat and take a bite of her hoagie.
“Oh, nothin’,” the redhead shrugs. “Just saw a friend there.”
The next day, Melissa doesn’t come into school with a container full of her own cooking like she usually does. She doesn’t even enter the staff room when lunchtime rolls around. Instead, she grabs her bag and heads down the street to hopefully run into you again at the Wawa. 
You’re standing there again, ordering your meal, although you look a little frustrated today. She doesn’t know that your frustration is because you had been standing there for ten minutes, hoping she would come in. You had just admitted defeat and decided to order when she waltzed in.
“Rough day?” the redhead saunters over and asks you.
Your eyes go wide, and the mental fog is lifted when you hear her voice and smell her perfume. “Hey.”
“Rough day?” she repeats.
You shake your head. “Just a little tired,” you tell her as you move to the side so she can put in her order. “I can’t focus on anything at work.”
She taps away on the screen, ordering hers and then also yours. 
You swallow hard. “You remember my order?”
“Course I do,” she shrugs. She hits the button to print the ticket, but as she goes to grab it, you take it first. You make your way over to the drink stations, grab a diet coke, and gesture for her to get her own drink. She grabs a raspberry tea again and then follows you to the register. As you go to hand your card over, a gentle hand slaps your card out of your hand and to the ground. She’s standing there with a smirk as she goes to hand her own card over.
“Aye, Schemmenti,” you playfully growl as you bend over to pick your card up. “It’s my turn to buy.”
“Nah, I got this one,” she chuckles. She also goes to hand her card over, but you smack it out of her hand and throw your card at the employee- a man who is used to seeing you come in and actually checked the two of you out yesterday.
“It’s her turn,” the man shrugs with a cheeky smile as he takes your card, although he does slightly cower at Melissa’s glare. Then the redhead turns to you and immediately turns softer.
“Thank you,” she places a gentle hand on your shoulder. “But I got next one.”
“Alright, alright,” you laugh as the two of you head over to the counter to wait for your meals.
“So, you forgot your lunch again?” you ask her.
“Yeah,” she sighs. “Had it out on the counter and left it.” It’s a complete and total lie. She knew she had to test fate to see you again.
The two of you chat while they get your order together, and once again, she’s bidding you a goodbye with a gentle, ‘enchanted’. This time, you get to say it back, and your smiles and blushes are quite similar to each other. 
This continues for the next few weeks, until one day she doesn’t show up at the Wawa like she usually does. Your day sucks. And you’re supposed to meet with Ava after the school day to go get your nails done. You know she’s going to be onto you when you show up in a bad mood.
“Damn girl,” she rolls her eyes and raises a brow. “What’s got your panties in a twist?”
“Nothin’,” you roll your eyes back. “Let’s just get our nails done and gossip.”
“You know I’m always down for that shit,” she laughs.
The two of you talk for a while as the ladies do your nails before it the conversation turns to your love life.
“Well, who is it this week?” your best friend asks you.
“No one,” you sigh.
“Well no wonder you’re in a bitch mood- you need to get some!”
“Girl, you make me sound like I’m with someone new every weekend, and you know for a fact that I am very much not like that,” you roll your eyes.
“You have to have your eye on someone,” the principal says. “Otherwise you would be out at the bar looking for someone!”
You mull over telling her, and before you know it, the words are spilling out of your mouth, “Well, I do have my eye on one person, but it’ll never happen, so…”
“Ooh, girl! You got tea! Spill it!”
“It’s really not a big deal,” you tell her, hoping she doesn’t pry. Of course she does, it’s Ava, so you have to go about describing Melissa without Ava being able to catch on.
“She’s a little older than us, she’s tough on the outside but has a soft spot for me,” you tell her. “Easy on the eyes, smart as a whip.”
“Girl, why didn’t you tell me you were practically dating someone?! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re describing Schemmenti."
“I’m not,” you roll your eyes. “I really just see M- this woman when we run into each other at Wawa.”
“What’s her name?” the principal wiggles her eyebrows, all too interested in your love life.
“Enough about my love life,” you shut her down. “Anything interesting happen at school today?”
“I had to cover Schemmenti’s classes today,” Ava tells you. “Woman sounded awful today when she was calling out.”
It clicks in your head that that’s why she wasn’t there to meet you at the Wawa like she usually did, and it isn’t like she has your number to let you know she wasn’t going to meet you. You instantly feel a bit of relief that she didn’t just decide not to come- but you feel bad that she isn’t feeling well.
“Oh?” you try to hide how you actually feel about it. “Is she alright?”
“Nasty cough,” your best friend tells you. “But she assured me she’d be back tomorrow… Red never calls out, so I knew she was feeling pretty shitty.”
“That sucks,” you sigh softly. “Hopefully she’s back tomorrow.”
“So you can ‘run into her at Wawa’?” your best friend blind sides you with her casual remark.
“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say quickly, hoping to cover yourself.
“Oh, please,” she waves the hand that isn’t being painted right now. “I saw the eyes the two of you were giving each other at the fundraiser, and Melissa has been going to Wawa everyday since the one day her lunch went bad. I know she’s going to the same Wawa you go to everyday, and she always comes back in a better mood. I put it together about a week in. And you just confirmed it.”
“I did not.”
“Girl, remember, I’ve known you since we were five. I know when you’re lying. Listen, she’s your type, your hers. I say go for it.”
“Maybe I will… if she’s feeling better and at school tomorrow.”
“If I know Schemmenti, she will be,” Ava rolls her eyes. “She might be half asleep, and an absolute bitch tomorrow, but she’ll be there.”
Melissa looks like hell as she drags herself into the Wawa, but to you she still looks gorgeous as ever. When she spots you, her eyes light up.
“The usual?” she asks you as the two of you head to the ordering stations. Her voice is barely there.
“Mel, you should be home resting,” you tell her pointedly.
“I’m fine,” she grumbles. “Besides, I can’t miss. The kids have important tests coming up, and-” she interrupts herself to cough. It sounds awful.
You lay a gentle hand on her shoulder and rub it soothingly. Once she’s finished coughing, she sighs. 
“Soup instead of your usual hoagie?” you ask her, already pressing buttons to order her a chicken noodle soup.
She looks defeated but nods. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
You insist on paying, telling her to let herself be taken care of. She begrudgingly listens, mumbling about how she’s a Philly girl and she can handle herself. You roll your eyes, but you assure her that she’s still a tough Philly girl- that it’s okay to lean on someone else. As the two of you are standing there, she coughs a few times. Again, you lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. When she’s finally done coughing, she quite literally leans into your body just slightly.
“Sorry I ditched ya yesterday,” she wheezes out. “I couldn’t drag myself out of bed.”
“No need to apologize,” you assure her. “I’m glad you were home getting some rest.”
“I just kept wishing I had a way to tell you,” she mutters.
“Well, why don’t I just give you my number, so if that happens again… or you want to get something besides Wawa with me, we can text?” you shoot your shot with the woman.
“That sounds… enchanting,” she smiles softly. “When I’m feeling better, I’ll make us dinner? I’m one hell of a cook.”
“I’d be enchanted,” you tell her warmly.
As the two of you separate, you get a text from her. Enchanted.
By the time the end of the work day is over, Ava has texted you too. Bitchhh! I’m assuming you shot your shot. Red came back into the school practically dancing.
Yeah. You’re just starting this chapter of life- that one night was truly enchanting, and it really was the very first page. 
Next
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A ramble on imposter syndrome and the accessibility of witchcraft
So, I’ve been thinking. I think a lot in case you haven’t noticed. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the major imposter syndrome I’ve been feeling lately in regards to this blog. TL;DR is at the bottom of this post.
People have been, occasionally, sending me asks requesting my opinion on things/how I do things/what I know about XYZ topic. If you are one of these people, I promise I’m not vagueposting about you in particular- in fact, I love these questions! They’re so fun to get and they actually make me sit and think sometimes, or even encourage me to write out something that I’ve been meaning to for my book of shadows. Genuinely, they're wonderful asks to receive. These questions have made me confront something, however; my blog is still small, but some people actually like what I write and value my opinion even if just a little. 
I feel like a mimic hiding in the witchcraft community. I feel like, were people to truly understand my experiences, they would want to “expose” me for knowing so little.
So I sat down with those feelings and turned it over in my head and I’ve come to a conclusion. The fact is, I don’t do research. At least- not what I think of when people talk about research. My "research" consists of the occasional rabbit hole I go down, one and two halves of different books I never finished under my belt, what I see scrolling through various social medias, and conversations I've had with other witches. I check to make sure I'm not stepping on the toes of any closed practices- in fact, that's what most of my energy goes to when it comes to research. This isn't a complaint; I'd much rather know that my craft isn't appropriative.
But I don’t know much about mythology, even that of the deities I work with. I don't even remember the holidays and what they're for. I thought Nyx was an Egyptian deity until like four months ago because I'd just heard her name in passing as a child and had never looked into the mythology... Even though I mainly work with the pantheon she belongs to. Y’all, I’ve done like three spells that I remember. My book of shadows is a messy disaster and I love it but it's got so little information in it, because I rarely write things down. Most resources (especially mythology resources) are academically worded or difficult to read for me personally, and all of these things feel like secrets I have to guard with my life because if I were to ever say them aloud, people would know I'm a fraud.
Today I've come to the conclusion that that is, in fact, absolute bullshit.
Maybe it's not, maybe this post will make some people really upset, but in my practice it's bullshit. All of the above is a result of my ADHD and the fact that I am nothing if not a hands-on learner. My craft is mostly my own experiences because that's how my whole life is; I learn by doing. My ideal learning style is sitting with another autistic person whose special interest is whatever I'm learning about and just talking for five hours, but if that's not something I can do, puzzling it out myself is the next best thing. That's what I've been doing ever since I felt had a basic foundation for my craft. Hell, even before I had a foundation I was putting my own experiences into my craft because "Well that rule just doesn't fucking vibe with me."
This post is mostly for me, but partially for anyone who feels similar. We are not broken or doing witchcraft/paganism wrong. We are simply what happens when the kid who could never do homework ends up practicing the "religion/spirituality that comes with homework." Witchcraft and paganism, in my experience, is far from accessible when it comes to the typical image of it. UPG is what makes it accessible. So yes, my practice is heavily UPG, and I don't do as much research as I think people have assumed. But I'm going to let go of the idea that I'm a fraud, because frankly I know enough about witchcraft to have supported my practice this whole time and my deities haven't smited me yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
TL:DR:
Fuck the rules, I don't do much research. I've researched the "basics" and what I need to so I'm not stepping on any toes of closed practices, but people seem to think I know way more than I actually do. I've felt like I was lying this whole time but frankly witchcraft just isn't accessible to someone with my flavor of auDHD, so my craft relies heavily on UPG and I've decided that I'm not broken or wrong for that and neither is anyone else. I'm tired of seeing myself as an imposter just because I make my practice doable for me.
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scientia-rex · 1 month
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I got home from work today sneezing my head off with a right eye that won’t stop watering, took a hot shower, climbed into bed, and I haven’t climbed out since. I’m grumpy and I have a headache and if I’m not testing positive for COVID or debilitated by symptoms tomorrow I’ll still need to go to work because that’s twenty patient visits that would need to be rescheduled, usually with someone else, and that’s twenty people I’m letting down. Today I did one of my patented 45-second Pap smears (if it takes longer than that, your doctor needs to get better!) for someone with vaginal atrophy from menopause (it is both very common and very treatable) and she was in disbelief. (This time it was more like 30 seconds.) I saw a suicidally depressed patient who’s clinging to life with both hands and I changed their meds last week and I am not making them wait to see me. I cleaned a wound no one else gave a shit about and I saw a bitter pissy Republican Party bigwig who has terrible anxiety and depression she doesn’t tell anyone about, who’s alienated everyone but who I can still convince to try treatment.
I do my job on hard mode on purpose. I like being important—who doesn’t? I like being legendary, I like that when people move to town and ask for doctor recommendations on Facebook so many people mention me that other patients feel compelled to tell me about it. I got nominated for best doctor in our local region last year. (I didn’t win, out of 5 nominees.) But when I’m sick, when I’m the kind of sick that can be hidden easily, the kind of sick I was always expected to go to school and rotations and residency with, it’s so hard. I hate exposing patients, even to a cold, but the benefits of receiving care are probably enough to outweigh the chance of transmission. I wrestle with myself: if I call in, it starts a ripple effect. Can they get a per diem from their “pool” (of three) to come in? Can they reschedule my patients with me? I don’t have any open spots for five weeks. Can they open same days? None available for three weeks. Can they open blocked spots? That’s going to make my life hell when I come back from being sick. That’s clinic staff calling twenty patients, trying to reach them. That’s twenty patients who feel abandoned. They can know intellectually that doctors get sick too, but they don’t believe it. They take it personally. I have seen this over and over again, until I had to believe it.
It is so EASY for people who don’t do this job to tell me how I’m doing it wrong. “Just stay home!” Oh, okay, you want to tell the person whose chronic opioids I’m supposed to write for that I can’t? You want to put the nurses through getting the on-call to write a bridge prescription? I write more ADHD meds than most of my peers—usually a lot more. You want to tell my colleagues to write meds they’re uncomfortable with? How about tell my suicidal patients (which is a lot of them!) that the provider they know and trust after months or years will be replaced today by a 70-year-old white man who still thinks they should pull themselves up by their bootstraps? Tell my queer patients that they have to wait until I’m better and back to get their hormones and their STI screenings, reschedule a Pap someone was dreading. Every day is a kaleidoscope of opportunities to make a real connection with “difficult” patients. I’m good at it. I may be the best at it at my clinic.
I don’t hate calling in sick just because the clinic manager is a judgy bitch, though that doesn’t help. I hate it because of what it does to my patients. And it’s not simple. Pretending it is does all of us a disservice. I am not a widget. I am not easily replaceable. You can’t plug any of our per diems (all men, 2/3 white, 2/3 old, 1/3 a Bitcoin bro) into my place and call it an equivalent, and my schedule is already so packed that if I call in sick, patients will be guilt-tripping me about it for months. I’m not kidding. That happens every single time.
Christ alive, I wish it was true that doctors never got sick.
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Today's Disability Pride month post
Object permanence
I see this one misunderstood a lot because people think of it in the context of babies. But ADHD object permanence is different from baby object permanence.
What is it?
So remember yesterday when I said if I get a planner to manage my time blindness, I forget it exists? So in the context of babies it's "If you put the planner in the box, the baby thinks the planner is gone." But in the context of ADHD it's "I put my planner away in a drawer. My brain is actively thinking about something else. That planner is GONE to me. But if in 5 days my friend is "I'll write this in my planner." I'll be like "Shit. My planner is still in that drawer." It's not that I forget that the planner exists. The idea of planners ever existing at all completely escapes my mind. (Okay but if it's hidden in that drawer for 5 years I will probably forget that I even bought it).
How do you manage it?
Honestly. I really don't fucking know. I try to not keep things out of site. Out of site out of mind. If it's something like "I need my computer to work." Then it can be put away. Because the idea of needing a computer will remind me that I have one. But if it's "I bought this pretty necklace". I need to store it out in the open otherwise I'll forget I have it because I don't NEED it.
If you store everything out in the open, won't it collect dust...
Yeah... listen. I don't know what you want me to say here. If I don't see it I forget it exists. I just found a pair of headphones the other day that I didn't even know I had, which was really annoying because I really needed a pair of headphones. If you got any tips and tricks let me know.
I still have a whiteboard I need to put up because I keep forgetting I have it. I also have a binder I need to organize my important information in but I keep forgetting to do that because I keep forgetting I have it. And I have weights I keep stubbing my toe on because if they get put away I'll forget I have them and my doctor says I need to exercise more.
Wow this is the first time you've raised awareness for a thing and not had advice
Yeah. Because I don't understand how you have all of the things that can possibly exist perfectly organized in your minds. Like how the fuck are you like "Ah shit. I need to wrap this present. I'll use this wrapping paper I bought 3 years ago." It's weird. It's weird and it's creepy that you just remember shit like that.
I was like "I should do some exercises because the doctor said so". And I was doing the exercise like "this would be a better exercise if I had weights." I DID HAVE WEIGHTS. THE ONES I NEEDED WERE RIGHT BY MY FEET. HOW DID I FORGET I HAD THEM.
-fae
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pixiemage · 10 months
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I deal with ADHD on a daily basis, meaning I struggle with multiple (frustrating) things. There's one in particular that's been on my mind the most as of late: it's difficult for me to complete large tasks easily. For me, motivation, mental energy, and time are limited, and those rare moments where it all lines up so I can get shit done are often few and far between. This applies to both things I don't want to do, and things I do want to do. Even writing or cosplay construction or editing videos can become daunting tasks even though they're all fun and enjoyable hobbies of mine.
Recently, I've been trying to clean my room.
As anyone in my immediate family can tell you, this has been a big problem since I was young. My room starts clean, but then I put a few pairs of shoes by my bed, then don't have the energy to deal with the growing laundry pile, then can't find a place for the new mic stand I got for my birthday, then I start dumping jewelry on my bedside table at the end of the day when I'm tired, then - then - then. And then it builds to a disastrous tipping point and it has become this massive, incomprehensible task I have to tackle, and because my brain hates me, it's a frustrating and grueling process to even figure out where to begin.
But deadlines help (pressure helps) and I have found that working on it in the wee hours of the morning (from midnight to like 5am) is somehow a way to get my brain to focus on it. For some reason I work better then. Arguably, this isn't logical or useful every day because I need sleep and I have work, but I made MASSIVE progress two days ago by staying up way too late on a night when I finally found the drive to get shit done.
That's not really the point of this post though.
The point is that I've found that a majority of society (or maybe just the NT community in general) have a hard time seeing progress as worthwhile when completion is better.
"Did you finish your room?" "Not yet, but I dealt with that massive pile of crap on my couch! It's SO much better, and I can actually see the floor in front of my dresser now, and-" "That's not what I asked. Did you finish?" "Not yet." "The answer is no, then."
It doesn't matter how much I've done. It doesn't matter how proud I am of my partial progress. It doesn't matter that I fought tooth and nail to get to the point I'm at, because unfortunately, I haven't finished it all yet, so it's not good enough.
(And I know I have a deadline, and I know we have family coming over soon, and I know that being done is the goal, but the deadline isn't here yet. Give me time. I need time.)
I think we as a society need to award and praise ourselves more for the efforts we put in, whether we reached a finish line or not. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for completion, because at the end of the day that's often the goal of any task. But we should also let ourselves be proud of how far we have come as long as we're doing our best. I don't see that often enough. I continuously struggle to reach that finish line, but hey, I came this far today! I didn't reach Toad so he could tell me my princess was in another castle (because god knows there's always another task), but I did hit that checkpoint, and since I've been struggling through this level for as long as I have, that's still worth celebrating in some small way. It's still worth all the coins I collected and the goons I defeated to get to this point.
Don't reprimand your kids because their hard work thus far doesn't quite live up to your standards. Applaud what they've done and then help them find the right next step so they're motivated to keep going.
It takes a lot of work to save a princess. The journey has a lot more monsters than just the dragon.
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thebibliosphere · 1 year
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Fellow adhd writer, how do I stick with a single topic and finish it? I could always manage my academic papers well enough but I’ve been trying to write fic for the last few years and can’t ever seem to finish one before another idea grabs me and I keep following one idea after the other
So, the way I manage that, is I often have more than one project going on at once. Being able to alternate between them provides my shiny crow brain with enough stimulation and variety to prevent me from getting bored.
I also keep a word document of "random thoughts that won't leave me tf alone," where I scribble things down to get the idea and impulse to follow it out of my head.
If I still can't stop thinking about it, I'll start planning it out. Devoting that level of attention to something will do one of two things for me. One, I'll have the outline for my next WIP done, or two, my brain will go, "aw, you want to make this into work?" and drop it like a hot potato.
To make progress on current projects, I set small daily goals. On average days, my minimum creative word count is 500.
Which, by the way, is often on par with the goal professional, award-winning writers set for themselves. Being able to write tens of thousands of words in a day sure is a thing some people are capable of (I am when I'm hyperfixating), but it's not sustainable, and you may be setting yourself up for burnout--especially if you try to maintain it longterm.
On bad days, I will reduce it to "okay, let's do a half hour and see how far I get." If I'm able to trap my attention, great. I'll keep going until I meet my goal.
If I can't, I accept that today is a low-attention day and acknowledge that I likely need more sleep, food, or stimulating recreation to give my brain both a rest and a boost. I do not consider these lost or failed days. They are all part of the productive, creative cycle and necessary. This is true whether you are NT or ND.
Body doubling can also be very helpful for those of us who work better with others present. I do body doubling with friends or people in my Discord sometimes. (Starting that up again soon, folks, just as soon as I get the okay to start working more from the eye doctor!) So if that sounds like something you'd enjoy, try asking friends if they'd like to set time aside to write together. Shared productivity can be beneficial for keeping ADHD and other flavors of ND on track.
If you lose all interest in a project. Shelve it and follow one of the other WIPS. Sometimes you need to be in a better place to work on certain things, and that's okay.
Some people thrive with a stricter structure than that, but this is what works for me. Small goals, allowing myself the time to follow diversions (while also trying to meet daily goals), and taking the time out to ensure I'm getting enough good stimulation in other ways. Took me a while in therapy to figure out a healthy work-life balance, but that's mine.
I hope that helps or provides a greater sense of solidarity.
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avocadofics · 1 year
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Dealing with the executive function
Aizawa x autistic reader
This is for my fellow autistic. Not to romanticize asd but because we don’t have enough media design especially for us. And I want to write fanfic that I can be comforted by on days when my adhd and asd traits make it hard
Synopsis: the reader is having bad executive functions and feel shitty aizawa come home to comfort reader.
Content Warning: executive function problems, anxious thoughts, crying, mentions of forgetting to eat, self doubt. Stay safe friends
You laid on back to the floor. Giving off sighs and a few tears. You had things to do but they were the things you hated doing. You remember shota mentioned something about needing it done. So what did you do?
Spend the majority of the day fighting youself to get started doing anything. You wanted to cry.
You didn’t want to disappoint shota but you felt like you most definitely were. What time was it even? would shota be home soon to see you’ve done nothing.
Oh what about dinner. You haven’t made dinner. Each second of time just added more stress to your list. A tear or two fell from your eyes. While you were laying there crying The cat walked over and plopped himself on your chest. Choco your cat had alway been in tune with your emotions and the weight from the cat helped you breath even if just a little.
“Hey choco, you think shota is gonna be annoyed at me?”
“Mreow”
“Yeah probably not. Doent mean I can’t sit here and think that way” of course right as you started to feel slightly better was when you heard your front door open and the footsteps of you boyfriend walking.
“Why,” his voice spoke up “Are you on the floor?”
“Bad romantic partner with no emotional energy to deal with anything sit in floor. Floor make thing better” you tired looking boyfriend sat down next to you and started petting the cat.
“What’s the problem.” That one thing you appreciated about shota he was never one to beet around the bush. If he knew you were upset hed ask you once if you didn’t want to answer now he’ll ask you later.
“The Chores. All the thing you ask me to do. I spent all day fighting myself cause I hate doing them and I just did nothing today at all.” Your could feel your tears starting to get bigger in your eyes.
“When did you eat last,”
“Huh?”
“When did you eat last,”
“Breakfast I think I don’t remember if I ate lunch or not.” He gave me one of his gentle sighs and stands up.
“Okay up. I’m going to have you go lie down while I make food and do a few chores.”
“But you just got home from work and guy normally take a nap so you can feel decent enough for hero work tonight.” You say staring up at him as he stood above you.
“I’ll see if anyone can cover my zone tonight. You are overwhelmed and I’m not gonna let you deal with it alone. If I got to tired from work you would call up the school and make them give me a day off. I think me taking one night from hero work to support my partner is aloud.” He put his hand down waiting for you to grab it.
“Okay,” you grabbed his hand and he helped you up. You headed to the bedroom exhausted from fighting yourself mentally. You wrapped yourself in a blanket and opened you phone to watch something.
Shota walked in behind you where he switches his hero clothes and puts in some grey sweatpants and a t-shirt you had bought him.
After a few minutes  you smell the amazing sent of one of your safe foods. The one you’ve been talking about the last few days but just haven’t had the energy to make it. You were glad that he was taking the night off. Night where shota took time off meant cuddles and getting to rewatch shows while eating yummy food.
Shota walked in and handed you a plate. He moved his way into his side of the bed.
“Thank you shota,”
“Anytime.” You leaned into shota and he wrapped an arm around you.
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reidslovely · 1 year
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hello! first of all, i love your writing! now, i was thinking... peter parker x adhd!reader!
maybe the reader is, for some reason, extra hyperactive and cannot stay quiet if their life depended on it, i'd like to see how peter would react! thx in advance!
Hi friend!! Thank you for requesting and than you for reading, I was having some questions on if I should write this as I am not diagnosed with adhd, but I am neurodivergent so I relate heavily to what is being said, so I'm gonna write it from more of my personal experience, hope that is okay :) 🫶🏼 sorry it's short, just a little blurb until finals week is over.
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"-and I just don't think people understand that about his character. He's much, much, MUCH more complex than these movies make him out to be, Pete. And I mean yeah, I get it I do but these movies have the funding that the others didn't they could easily add a little more development. I will always prefer the reboot from a few years back his portrayal of the character is more..why are you staring at me?"
As you spoke you bounced on your legs talking vigorously with your hands. This movie night was Peters one and only plan to get you to calm down and relax from the day that started with you rearranging the living room and the bedroom, you having told him you have to be doing something today.
He helped you there but when he left for a quick super hero emergency he returned to find you still in your hyperactive cleaning, however everything had been strung out everywhere. stuff from the counters sitting on the floor seemingly forgotten as you had already moved from kitchen to living room mid way through. He picked up the kitchen, and returned to you.
Peter gave a slight squeeze on the shoulders smiling at you. "Why don't we call it a day on cleaning, and finish some other time? Mhm why don't we watch a movie."
You both settled on a move you had seen a thousand times. Peter knew there was no way to stop you automatically and it would phase out, however he's learned to embrace it. You changed positions multiple times, finally settling between his legs. you still squirmed and moved around, Peter chuckled jokingly leg locking you into place, which ended up in a quickly won wrestle fight on his part.
You had immediately begun comparing the reboots of the film over the years, chatting his ear off about it. Information you've 100% told him before but he wasn't going to tell you that. You looking up more facts on your phone, turned into watching TikToks about it halfway through the movie, towards the end you finally started talking again bringing a smile to Pete's face. Enough to let his legs slip that caused you to sit up, changing your position.
In that moment it was like you finally stopped for a breath, Peter held back a chuckle a loving smile on his lips. His fingers brushing hair off your face. He could listen to you
"Nothing I'm just enjoying you rambling about a movie we've seen for the one hundredth time." He leans in as he teases you, his nose bumping yours. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just have so much to say today." "You have a lot of energy today." Peter corrects with a chesty laugh. "I mean I can't complain I'd listen to you talk all day if you'd let me."
Sharing a quick kiss Peter felt you start to get up, he gasped and wrapped his legs around your waist pulling you into his chest. 'Let's watch the sequel and you can tell me all the stuff you hate about it too." "Can't promise I'll make it through the other one." 'Let's give it a go." He winks, pulling you back down starting the second movie.
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dreambunnynotes · 7 months
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daily reflection: nov. 16th ❤︎
good morning lovely friends! here is what i accomplished and what i could have improved today, to hold myself accountable. it was really effective for me to know that i had posted my goals list on tumblr yesterday where others could see it; whenever i felt like giving in to my adhd brain that tells me that tasks are to be feared, i would simply remember that i had kind folks online who were interested in seeing me succeed hehe, it helped me so much! here is my first day ❤︎
accomplishments:
i completed all of my cleaning goals and more! it turned into a deeper clean than i thought it would be which felt really nice (and is usually how it goes once i get cleaning). it's so lovely to be able to start fresh with a clean working and sleeping space; it's so much easier to feel inspired, be productive, and take care of yourself when your environment is as ready for you as you are for it!
i wasn't going to complete all of my texting and calling tasks, BUT I DID! these types of tasks are the hardest for me to get done because i have pretty intense social anxiety and rejection sensitive dysphoria, and communicating with others both online and offline takes a lot of mental preparation and energy for me. but i did it, and i am so, so proud of myself! in fact...
self-compassion:
not only did i accomplish my original communication goals, i also ended up replying to two friends i hadn't seen in a long time, even though i was anxious! both of them were at my sister's show last night and i was so surprised to see them and a couple of other friends that i had to go have a bathroom cry from the anxiety lol. i had so many emotions coming up; the first was sadness and shame seeing that they had all come in a group together and that i wasn't with them. i joined them two seconds after i saw everyone, but the sadness was still there because i was positive they would have invited me into the group earlier if i had been less isolated this last year, which is where the guilt came in. i realized i had been isolating from my friends for so long out of fear that i wasn't wanted, didn't provide anything to them, and that maybe i didn't have people i liked being around after all, but that is so, so far from the truth; i do have friends who love me and who i love, and all of them were so loving, so kind, and actually sent me messages after the show telling me how much they loved me and how happy they were to see me! it made me cryyyy and feel so many feelings. i have plans to see them next week, and i actually feel like i'm overcoming my isolation era at long last; i'm really proud of myself for having self-compassion and using tools i've learned in therapy to better my life! :')
my next step is to learn more about and overcome this shame i have around letting my friends love me for who i am; the only way to learn more about it is to actually make plans to see friends and be vulnerable; wish me luck 😭💗
improvements to make:
as for my other tasks; i cleaned out one of my emails, but i have so many email accounts that it felt a little bit lacklustre to call that an accomplishment. today i'd like to break down how big the task of consolidating my digital life will actually be so that i can take measurable and consistent steps towards completing my goal (writing that sentence is baffling me right now - bunny from a few days ago never would have realized how much writing out her goals could help her in being less afraid of them! this feels like a huge accomplishment for my adhd brain!)
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today felt like a really successful day, and i'm super proud of myself! this was only the beginning of what i actually want to accomplish in a day, but it was such a great way to try it out. i'm excited to see where this journey takes me and how these daily checklists and reflections will affect my productivity; they already have helped so much! if you've made it to the end of this, thank you for taking the time to read about my day, it means so much to me! lets try our best to have another successful day! ❤︎
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