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subbe93 · 11 months

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Day 7: Detective in Distress

A/N: Okay, here is my last entry for ShinRan week! Honestly, this came out to be much longer than I planned, which is the reason why my reread attempts haven't been very good, but I hope this is still enjoyable ^^

This was something I came up with when I told in The Light in My Nightmares chapter 15 how predictable the first Detective Conan live-action movie was. But like said, I also realized that at this point, I have pretty often made Ran to be the damsel in distress, so I decided to fix that! Though because I thought to make one shot, I suffered pretty much with the plot, and now I'm not even sure if I like this, but hey, I did it and this is what it is, so let's go! xD I hope you would still enjoy it!

Also, thanks to everyone for your support during ShinRan week ❤ I'm happy that you have enjoyed my writings (and I have also got to enjoy other's works too! ❤).

Detective in distress

Ran was worried. God, she really was even though she probably shouldn’t be.

“Idiot. Don’t worry about me”, she could hear Shinichi’s voice in her mind. That sentence she had heard too many times before, but it couldn’t be helped. She knew that Shinichi was a known high-school detective who had even taken down that mysterious Black Organisation, which meant that it wasn’t that unprecedented that he could have been asked to help with some case.

But he barely ever left during the school day. Usually, after the lessons were over.

And then there was the fact that Ran got that feeling. She couldn’t tell why she felt so worried, but somehow, she had a feeling that something had happened to Shinichi. She had had that feeling when he had left, but like always, he had just smiled and told her that there was nothing to worry about, it is going to be just a meeting with someone - a client.

But usually, when she has had that feeling, something terrible has happened.

And it didn’t change the fact that Shinichi had been silent the whole morning. Like he had been in his own thoughts. She had thought that there was some case he had been thinking about, but when she had asked about it, he hadn’t given her any answer.

And the fact that he just left the school, like that. And that he hadn’t…

“Your husband probably got some kind of case”, Sonoko said, taking Ran out of her thoughts. Ran took her eyes off her phone that she had looked at - again. God, only now she realized how obsessive she was about her phone. But it couldn’t be helped, she was waiting for an answer from Shinichi. All those messages she had sent after he left three hours ago… “And now he is too busy to check his phone”, Sonoko continued and smiled at her. “So don’t worry because you haven’t had any contact with him for a few hours.”

Ran rolled her eyes but looked again at the phone before she made herself shut it. “But Shinichi has always answered me even if he had a case”, she muttered, feeling like Sonoko didn’t take her seriously. “Besides, he hadn’t answered any of my calls.”

“Ran…”

She sighed again and looked at the sky. “I know, he has a bad habit to get too much into cases that he sometimes forgets everything around him, but really, I have the feeling that something bad is happening to him and I can’t get rid of it until… until…”

Sonoko didn’t say anything, and it was terrible because it made Ran’s thoughts go much further than they should. If something had really happened to him and he couldn’t answer to her? Or what if he has gotten into the hospital and was unconscious? Or what if… Ran felt something turning on her stomach. What if he had gotten into something similar situation as with the Black Organisation?

But… This time, he would tell her, right? He promised.

“Ran.”

Ran lowered her head and turned to look at Sonoko. She smiled at her and put both of her hands on her shoulders, squeezing them gently. “I believe he is just into some case and had lost the reality while working on it. There is no way that he would forget you, and I believe that if something would have happened, someone would have informed you.”

Ran looked away. She wanted to believe in it, but still…

“And that feeling… Maybe you are just too worried about him”, Sonoko continued. “I mean… I wouldn’t be surprised if that Conan thing had just left marks on you, and you are just extra cautious and thinking too much.”

It made Ran sigh. She wanted to argue against it. It had been some time since Shinichi took that organization down and got an antidote that turned him back to Shinichi. And after that, Shinichi had taken care of some cases, and during those times, she hadn’t felt this same feeling. Not even though she hadn’t been with him, not even though she hadn’t got a message or call from him during those cases…

But human psychology was another thing. Maybe there was a chance that Sonoko was right. Maybe this was some kind of trauma that woke up only just now. She had talked about the whole Conan mess with Shinichi and made peace with it, but then again, she was so close to losing him because of that organization and takedown. Maybe the realization of that had just hit her now…

Though she didn’t believe in it. She didn’t remember when that feeling had been wrong, but…

Ran shook her head. “You’re probably right”, she agreed finally and looked at Sonoko, trying to smile. “I just worry too much.”

Sonoko smiled. “That’s the spirit”, she shouted happily. “What if we would go to some café later? I heard that close to the station, there is a new one, and they got so much sweet…”

Ran’s smile widened and this time it was genuine. “Oh, really?! Of course, we really should check it out!”

“Yesh! Let’s meet at six.”

“Fine, see you then!”

They said goodbyes and left in their ways. Going to the cafe made Ran feel better. The idea of getting something sweet with good company sounded like something she just needed. But she should tell Shinichi about it. Just so he would know, just in case…

She took out her phone and opened it. But before she had time to search her conversations with Shinichi, she got a message.

Sadly, it wasn’t from Shinichi. And sadly, it made her stop right there. She stared at the message, feeling how her heart sank. She felt cold and worried. She felt desperate. She wanted to turn on someone, but she couldn’t do it. She was too afraid to do so.

She just looked at that unknown number hoping to get any idea who it would belong to, and then she read again that message, which made her shiver.

Dearest Mouri Ran.

I got something that you consider dearest to you. If you want to see your beloved Kudo Shinichi ever again, meet me at Tokyo’s sports hall as soon as you can. And if you want to see him alive, come alone. We have so much to talk about.

With love, your biggest fan.

She came to the sports hall as soon as possible. She had run the whole trip as fast as she could, so when she got to the parking space, she needed to stop for a moment, lean on her knees, and take some breaths to calm down. Though it felt so worthless because she was so worried about Shinichi that she felt like there was no time to stop. She felt tears burning in her eyes when she straightened up and looked at the big building in front of her. The same building where Shinichi and her biggest fan should be.

But it looked so dark and empty, and that made something twitch in Ran’s stomach. She looked around, hoping to find out any clue that someone was there, but it was hard to believe. There was nothing. But this was Tokyo’s sports hall! So where are they? Had she been led wrong?

But she needed to calm down. With panic, she wouldn’t help anyone. Not herself, not Shinichi.

Her biggest fan wouldn’t gain anything by lying to her. If they would want to get rid of Shinichi, why would they waste their own time contacting Ran? Well, to be honest, if this “Biggest fan” would have wanted to talk to her, why they couldn’t just ask? Why take a hostage?

Ran shook her head. Now wasn’t the time! She should check those doors and get in.

She ran to the front doors and tried it. Both of them were locked. She glanced at the inside from the glass, and it still looked desolated, like there was no one. There was only a big, dark lobby where she had been many times while coming to the tournament. Back then, there had been lights on and so many people, so it was pretty weird to see it this empty.

But it wasn’t the reason why she was there. And if her biggest fan wanted to keep this a secret, then there was even no reason to put every light on.

She let out a sigh. Well, she should try other doors.

She ran to the next one and tried it, but it was locked. And the next one too. Ran started to feel frustrated. What was this? Why any of these doors weren’t open if there should be someone inside? Of course, she knew that whoever would be inside, could always lock the door, but still, if they wanted to talk to her… She ran to the next one, which said, “Staff only” and tugged it.

It opened.

With surprise, she just stood there for a moment, just staring at the door. Well, she had known that some of them must be open if she had been invited, but still…

She felt anxious. It felt a little bit scary to go inside. She didn’t know at all what there was waiting for her, and to be honest, even the thought about Shinichi, being somewhere in there, maybe in bad shape…

But it was the reason why she needed to move on. Because he needed her!

Ran stepped inside and slammed the door shut behind her. She was pretty sure that she would find Shinichi and this biggest fan from the biggest gymnasium that was the center of this building - the place where people gathered in the stands to watch all kinds of sports matches, the place where many people around Japan came to compete who would be the best team or individual every year.

But who was her biggest fan?

Ran had thought about it on her way here, trying to figure out who this could be, but she hadn’t got anyone in her mind. To be honest, she couldn’t figure out anyone who could have gotten better of Shinichi. He seemed always being aware of his surrounding, it was hard to try to surprise him. But this one had gotten him. If this fan was someone close to him or her, it would explain why Shinichi probably hadn’t waited for anything to happen but Ran still couldn’t figure out who it could be. And if someone would have just wanted to get rid of him, she didn’t believe that this fan would have bothered to include her in it.

Part of her kind of wished that it would be Shinichi, but part of her knew that Shinichi wouldn’t call himself her biggest fan, and to be honest, even this would go too far from him. He would never make jokes about something like this and made her worried without reason. Right? Though she could also imagine how she would enter the gymnasium and he would be there waiting for her like nothing had happened and probably would laugh at her worry…

If he was behind this, she really hoped for his sake that he has a good reason for this.

Ran came to the big doorway and slowed her steps. In front of her were doors that lead her to the short aisle that those grandstands made. She felt nervous, yet she slowly grabbed the handle and after bracing herself to encounter whatever behind those doors waited, she pressed it down and carefully opened the door.

There was light, but she didn’t see anyone. But she couldn’t even see the whole hall from the doorway, so she stepped inside and closed the door. Slowly she walked that short aisle, seeing more of the hall…

And then she saw it. Someone lying on the floor on their side, but Ran didn’t need much to recognize them. Him.

“Shinichi…”

She let her school bag drop on the floor, making a loud noise. It felt hard to make her feet move, but when she did, she ran toward him. She dropped to her knees beside him, bending over him to see his face. His expression looked painful, but she couldn’t find any visible harm in him. His school uniform looked a little bit messy, like…

Had he been in a fight? But if so, then with whom?

“Shinichi?” she called him, bending a little bit closer. Carefully she touched his face, and almost at the same time, he grimaced. Ran touched his hair, moving them from his forehead when he turned his head a little bit, opening his other eye to look at her…

And something twisted on Ran’s stomach. He was hurt.

“Ra... Ran?” He let out with a hoarse voice. Then he let out a cough that looked so painful. “What… what are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same from you”, Ran answered gently, checking him again, trying to understand what had happened to him, but… “What happened to you? What’s wrong?”

“I…”

“Finally, I got your attention, Ran-chan.”

Ran felt shivering on her back. That voice…

Slowly Ran turned to look behind her. On the door, between grandstands, stood a man. Ran felt something tighten on her chest.

And somehow everything started to be clear to her. Everything started to make sense. And she started to blame herself for being so blind and stupid. She should have guessed this, but she hadn’t. How? How in the world she hadn’t thought?

“Okawa-san”, she breathed out and turned a little bit to see him better. She didn’t let go of Shinichi, but her eyes stayed on the black-haired man who was a few years older than she. The worry started slowly turn to anger. “What’s the meaning of this?”

He smiled sweetly. That stupid, boyish smile that made him look so sweet, so nice, so kind… It almost made her forget everything, almost made her think that maybe she was wrong, maybe this was some kind of misunderstanding, but she threw that idea away. She knew better.

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

Okawa Takehiko. Ran had met him for the first time two months ago. Truth be told, she had always been aware of him since he was a karateka. He had been part of a competition in the men’s group, so Ran hadn’t had many chances to meet him personally, but she had seen his matches, and he had always been victorious. Though Ran was sure that Makoto would win if there would be a match between the two of them.

But two months ago, that man had approached her. He had told her that he admires her karate skills and would love to go to the café. She had agreed and it had been worth it because Ran had had fun. They have had so much to talk about.

The only problem had been Shinichi. After she had told him about the meeting, he had become in a bad mood. They have fought it. Shinichi had claimed that Takehiko wanted to date her. Ran had told him that he was just ridiculous and jealous, and… Well, since none of them admitted being wrong, she had left with a fury. Like she wanted to be with that stupid detective anyway!

They had made peace on next day. But Shinichi hadn’t given up on the story that he had met Takehiko before and he had asked Shinichi if he could take Ran on a date. That had been the stupid thing that Ran had ever heard. Like who in the world would be bold enough to ask someone’s girlfriend on a date? Not Takehiko. He had been so nice and kind to her, and Ran had told him that she had a boyfriend. Besides, even if that would be true, why he would have asked about it from Shinichi? Isn’t she the one who would make that decision? Well, she wouldn’t leave Shinichi for someone else (and she told him that), but still, she had thought that Shinichi was just too jealous.

So, she met Takehiko some more times. And why not? He had been nice, kind, cheerful, positive, joking, and they shared so many same interests. Since they were both karatekas, he shared the same knowledge as she did. It was so refreshing to talk about their idols, other karatekas, tactics, moves, matches, and what else. Of course, she had talked about those things with Shinichi, but it wasn’t a secret that Shinichi’s knowledge wasn’t much. He hadn’t the same interest as her, even though he always listened and asked some questions if he didn’t know. The discussion wasn’t as deep as with Takehiko.

She didn’t mind having more friends, even though Shinichi had shown a long face every time she had told him that she is going to meet Takehiko. But at least he hadn’t tried to stop her, and she respected that. Like… Why couldn’t she have more friends? It wasn’t like she had been jealous every time Shinichi had had a woman as a client! And besides, she had never said that Shinichi couldn’t join them! Maybe she should ask Takehiko if Shinichi could join them next time. Then Shinichi would see that Takehiko was a nice guy!

But then it changed. Takehiko had asked her for the finest restaurant, and even though the idea had been nice, it made Ran feel slightly uneasy. Well, first of all, it had been the same restaurant where Shinichi had taken her after that school play some time ago. The place where - she later heard about it - he had tried to confess to her. The same restaurant where Kudo Yusaku had proposed Fujimine Yukiko. It felt like she would betray Shinichi if she would go there with someone else.

And the second thing was that it was a fine and expensive restaurant. Ran believed that no one took just a friend there, promising to pay for everything. She had felt like it wasn’t okay. Somehow it had started to feel like there was something more behind this, but she hadn’t dared to assume anything. In the end, there had been a possibility that she was just overthinking.

So, she declined. She had explained that this certain restaurant held some meaning for her and Shinichi and that she would feel like betraying her boyfriend if they would go there. It had been scary and made her nervous, but Takehiko was nice. He would understand and respect her for that.

Except things hadn’t gone as she had hoped for.

Because she had gotten an answer where he had admitted that he had a crush on her and wanted so badly to take her out.

Ran had been a little bit shocked. Maybe she shouldn’t have been, because in the end, Shinichi had said that Takehiko wanted to take her on a date, but… still. She hadn’t believed in that at all.

She had turned him down nicely. She had told that he had been brave to tell her, but she already had a boyfriend. Ran had thought that he would have been sad and probably answered something like “pity” before letting her be, but instead, she had gotten a message where he had just told her that she should give him a chance and see if he would be a better one. Again, Ran declined and explained that it wouldn’t be fair for Shinichi and she would still feel like she was betraying him if she would accept. But she hadn’t got the understanding that she had hoped for. Instead, Takehiko had continued insisting. Message after another he tried to convince her to go out with her, and every time she told him that she loved Shinichi more than anything else, and after getting enough, she told him that he would be nothing like Shinichi and asked to leave her alone before blocking his number.

It had been something she had never done to anyone. And even if it had been the right thing to do, she had felt a little bit bad for Takehiko. And even if that hadn’t been enough, she also felt bad because all this time, she had thought that Shinichi had been jealous for nothing. They had even fought about it, and now she needed to admit to him that she had been wrong all the time and apologize. She told him everything.

But instead of making fun of her, telling her something like: “I told you”, he had just thanked her for being honest and took her into his arms, giving her a warm and soothing hug. Ran had felt bad for doubting him, but luckily, he wasn’t mad about it.

Then, after a few days, Takehiko appeared behind her door. Luckily her father had been at home and been the one who had opened it. Ran had recognized Takehiko’s voice and with a panic, hide in the kitchen. She regretted now that she hadn’t told her father about Takehiko, and now all she could do was hope that her father wouldn’t let him in if he would claim to be Ran’s friend or something…

But luck had been on her side. Takehiko had been so confident that when her father had asked who the hell Takehiko was, he had introduced himself as Kogoro’s future son-in-law. There had been a long silence before her father announced that he had already one future son-in-law, so he didn’t need another one and shut the door, leaving Takehiko outside.

Ran had been so grateful, but the aftermath had been so awkward. Of course, when they finally ate their dinner, her father asked about that man. Ran hadn’t had any other choice but to explain the situation to him. But when he asked if Shinichi knew about this “other boy”, Ran exploded. God, what her father was even thinking? Did he really think that she was cheating on Shinichi with someone else?! She had shouted at him, asking him how in the world he even dared to suggest something like that! Of course, right after that she had felt that she had been so unfair. She had been just so shocked and stressed out about the situation, and deep down she knew that her father had meant well and wanted to make sure that everything between her and Shinichi was okay.

The last straw had happened a little over a week ago at school. Out of nowhere, Takehiko appeared at Teitan High School. Luckily Ran had missed him and successfully avoided him even though he had just walked around the school, asking everyone where he could find Ran. And luckily this school and her classmates had been on her and Shinichi’s side. Sonoko had informed Ran that she had done everything that Takehiko wouldn’t bump into her or Shinichi while searching the school, and she knew to tell that even though she had planned to instruct their classmates not to tell anything, it seemed that without a word, they had shown their support to Shinichi and Ran. When Takehiko had asked, they had just told him that Ran was dating Shinichi and they were meant to be, so he wouldn’t have a chance, whatever he would do. It had made Ran blush deeply, but she had been so grateful. If her words didn’t mean anything to him, she hoped that hearing that from outsiders’ mouths would make him realize that she was serious and wouldn’t go out with him.

But even though the girls had taken the situation seriously and comforted her and Shinichi about it, some of the boys didn’t take it as seriously. It seemed that as soon as they got a chance, they started to joke about Ran having another man or Shinichi having a competitor that he should be careful of. In another situation she would have probably laughed, but this? No, this wasn’t even fun anymore! And when she had glanced at Shinichi… God, he had always laughed with others, joked back, but this time? He had just made that forced smile before turning away without saying anything.

This all had made her wonder how much this situation had tested their relationship. It was true that their love had survived probably much harder situations than this, but she couldn’t lie: Seeing Shinichi as that had hurt her. She hated to see him hurt because of this. And it hadn’t helped that after that day when they were finally heading home, she had opened her locker and found out all the gifts, flowers, and a letter that Takehiko had left her. It had been embarrassing, knowing that Shinichi saw that all… But it hadn’t been her fault. And like his locker hadn’t ever been full of gifts and love letters! But he hadn’t said anything, just helped her to throw them in the trash can. Yeah, she had felt bad for doing so, wasting someone’s money and time, but she didn’t want them.

And that’s why she felt now foolish. She should have guessed that it was Takehiko who would call himself her biggest fan. Of course, he would be the one who would approach Shinichi and hurt him just to make sure to get in touch with her. Though she still couldn’t understand why. She had told him that she loved Shinichi and she wouldn’t leave him for Takehiko. Why make everything just harder? Why couldn’t he respect her and leave them alone?

God, this was enough. She had been patient with him, but this time he had gone too far.

“If you wanted to talk to me, you should have just asked”, she said angrily and glanced at Shinichi who tried to push himself onto his knees. It seemed so painful and Ran got her arms around him just to give him some support. “But this”, she continued and glanced at Takehiko. “Why?”

She saw how he glanced at Shinichi. “He would be only in a way”, Takehiko answered finally and smiled – that sweet, boyish smile, and somehow Ran didn’t like it as much as she did before. “He is just beaten, nothing serious.”

“Just beaten?” Ran repeated shocked and turned to look at Shinichi again. She couldn’t see his face, but she heard how he breathed heavily, like every move he made hurt him and took much more energy than usual. “It isn’t just beaten up! You have hurt him!”

“I didn’t have a choice”, Takehiko answered. “He didn’t agree to break up with you.”

Ran felt like her blood was boiling. All this for what?! “Then maybe you should stop harassing me”, she said, trying still to keep herself as calm as possible. Even though she wanted to go and beat that man up - he had done that to Shinichi too -, she tried to reason to herself that if they would just talk about this, maybe he would understand and leave them be. “He isn’t breaking up with me, I’m not going to break up with him, and I’m not going to cheat him. So, I don’t understand why you can’t respect it and let us be.”

Takehiko looked puzzled, but when Shinichi let out a grunt, Ran turned her eyes to him. She had enough time to catch him before he collapsed back to the floor. She wrapped her arms better around him, pulling him closer to her and giving him a place to rest. He let out a silent curse on her arms, leaning on her as if he had already given his all. And it made Ran so sad. The last time she had seen Shinichi in this bad shape, had been when they took down the organization. And like back then, this felt unbearable! Usually, nothing took Shinichi down, not this badly.

No one hurt her Shinichi. No one.

Yet, here he was, trying to pull himself up, and yet failing…

“What you see in him?”

Ran tightened her arms around Shinichi and turned to look at Takehiko. He just stared at Shinichi blankly.

“What?”

“What you see in him?” Takehiko repeated, raising his eyes at her. “What is so great in him?”

Ran closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself even a little.

How dare he even question?

“The list is long”, she said harshly, opening her eyes and looking at Takehiko. “But I’m not sure if a selfish person like you could understand.”

“A selfish person?” Takehiko repeated, looking confused. “I’m thinking of you! A girl like you need a strong man beside you, not that weakling who can’t even fight for you…”

Ran frowned and opened her mouth.

“Fighting for her?”

Ran shut her mouth and looked at Shinichi, who let out a toxic laugh and raised himself on her arms enough to face Takehiko, yet she felt how he leaned his head against her chest. “I would always fight for her. But fighting about her? That, I can’t do.”

Shinichi…

Takehiko let out hum. “And that makes me think that you aren’t worthy of her”, he said. “You aren’t ready to fight…”

“Because the problem is, you think of her as an item”, Shinichi interrupted. “The problem… The problem is that she is an individual human. She can think and feel herself; she made all the decisions that are about herself. And that’s why… That’s why I didn’t accept your challenge. Because if you want to go out with her, you must ask her, not me. As much as I hate the thought, I don’t own her. I can’t decide anything for her. And whatever she chooses, I must respect it.”

“Wait!” Ran shouted out, even though her heart was melting at his words, knowing how much he was respecting her, but... “A challenge?” she repeated.

“Yeah”, Takehiko answered. “I challenged him: If I win, he will break up with you and I could have taken you on a date”, he explained. “But that coward declined.”

“So, you attacked him?”

“I wouldn’t say that”, Takehiko said. “He got a chance, but he didn’t fight back.” He shrugged. “Shows how weak he really is, didn’t even try…”

Ran closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Calm down, don’t do anything irresponsible, she told herself, and yet, the storm was already thundering inside her.

How dare he? How in the world did he dare to attack Shinichi if he didn’t fight back? God, she just wanted to stand up, and… and…

Maybe she should do that. She would. Not herself, but she was so furious about Shinichi that she would. No one, ever, treats Shinichi like that. Not as long as she lived.

“Fine”, she said finally and opened her eyes. “Let’s fight. Karateka versus karateka.”

“Ran, don’t”, Shinichi hissed, making Ran look at him. “He… he is strong, and…”

“Don’t worry”, she said gently, smiling at him. “I’m going to be stronger.”

“Ran…”

“No one treats you like this and gets away with it”, she said and bent over enough to press a kiss on his hair. Even though it had been only hours since she had seen him last time, she wanted so badly just to hide her face in his hair and just hold him in her arms, but… She straightened herself. “Just rest here”, she said and carefully let go of him before standing up and turning to look at Takehiko.

“When I win, you leave me and Shinichi alone. Period”, she said and took her school uniform jacket away, letting it drop on the floor. She knew already that fighting in a school uniform will be hard, but she wouldn’t let it slow her down.

“Beating up a girl?” Takehiko asked, looking a little bit troubled. “I don’t know, Ran-chan…”

“Don’t worry about me”, she said, feeling anger burning inside her. “I don’t need your pity. Give it all or go home.”

His expression changed. “You can’t beat me”, he said.

Ran smiled. “Then, easy win for you”, she hissed, taking her position, ready for anything. Her anger just raised while looking at how Takehiko hesitated. She hated that he thought that she was made from porcelain and would break as soon as he would touch her.

She was much more than just that.

“So…” Takehiko started finally. “When I win, will you go out with me?”

“Fine”, Ran answered. She just stared at Takehiko, how he still stared at her like making sure that she was serious. Finally, he let out a sigh and started to look like he was ready.

“Ready?”

Ran nodded. Oh, she really waited for this…

He made the first move, and she blocked it. The dance was on. He was fast with his movements and hits and kicks. Even though Ran had thought to be ready for this challenge, she somehow found it hard to keep up with him. In most of his attacks, she got blocked just in time, but even still some of them got through.

She couldn’t feel desperate right now. But she surely needed a little bit more room. So as soon as she got an open spot, she blocked another hit and moves a little bit away from him.

Okay, he hadn’t kidding her. Only now she realized how much in trouble she might be. It wasn’t like she hadn’t met strong opponents, and to be honest, she had thought that Shinichi had been just overprotective while warning about Takehiko's strength, but no kidding, while dodging all those hits and kicks, she already felt them in her bones.

It was no wonder anymore that Shinichi was in bad shape. Ran had trained Shinichi to be a good dodger, thanks to her hits and kicks from time to time, but even though he was fast and good dodge those hits, with Takehiko’s strength…

Ran took another hit from Takehiko. She let out a cry but still was able to move aside again. God, she really needed to start taking over the situation. She needed to keep herself calm enough to concentrate and stop doing anything stupid, but still, something to keep her strength on and make him lose his defense. She wondered if she could kick him hard enough to break through.

Takehiko stopped. “You know, it’s okay to say you lose”, he said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Ran let out a laugh. “You beat me as badly as you did with Shinichi. Until I’m in the same shape as him, I haven’t lost”, she split.

Actually, those words were all she needed. It made her rage raise. She didn’t need his pity! Besides, when she remembered how badly he had treated Shinichi… She felt like it had just lightened her anger up.

Yeah! It was now or never if she wanted to win.

She ran to Takehiko, starting to attack him. He was taken aback but was fast blocking her hit and kicks. Yet she didn’t let it discourage her! She just danced around him, trying to find his weakness, finding even that one little spot to hit and make him fall. It maybe felt impossible but that’s how karate champions were. They were good, the best of them all.

But she would do that. She would tire him until he would slip, and when he would, Ran would hit that spot and end him.

“You are going just tire yourself, Ran-chan”, Takehiko breathed out while blocking her attacks. Ran held her mouth shut, ignoring him. She wouldn’t let him get the better of her. Instead, she just kept tightly of her anger and confidence to keep them together. She is going to win. The loss wasn’t an opinion, not with him.

She had taken down much worse opponents too. So, she could win him too, right? Right?!

No, there was no room for doubts. She brought back everything she didn’t like in Takehiko, reminded herself how selfish and stubborn he was, how he didn’t respect her or Shinichi at all. How badly he had treated Shinichi, what he had done to him…

And she thought about Shinichi.

She will win.

She hit harder, kicked harder, and moved faster, which seemed to confuse Takehiko a little bit. She continued until she saw how his defense got a crack and showed the spot. Ran hit. She gave her everything for that hit. It took Takehiko off guard, but Ran didn’t show mercy. While Takehiko was still recovering from her hit, she made another. He couldn’t rebuild his defense, Ran didn’t let him. She gave her all, making sure that this man would be on the ground, feeling the same pain…

And then he collapsed. Ran took a step aside but kept still in her position, ready for anything. She had learned not to trust anyone in the fight, not even though they would be on the ground, looking like they had enough.

But Takehiko looked like she had gotten the better of him. He just looked on the ground, leaning on his hands, breathing heavily.

And Ran waited, saying nothing, holding her fighting spirit.

“You… you really are a hard opponent”, he said finally and raised his head a little bit to look at her. “I was so sure that you wouldn’t have a chance against me.”

Ran frowned but held her mouth shut. Somehow those words made her just angry. But then again, he got what he deserved! She wouldn’t admit to him that he had been a hard opponent, not even though it would be probably polite. She felt a little pain everywhere, and she was sure that her body would be full of bruises and aching in the evening, but they would be worth it.

But she wouldn’t say anything about that to Takehiko.

“Get up”, she said instead. “Let’s get this done. I don’t have the whole day.”

God, she wanted so badly to go back to Shinichi. She wanted so badly to take him home and made sure he was okay…

She wanted so badly to get over this.

“You are so cold”, Takehiko said and looked a little sad even though he smiled. “You love him that much?”

“More than anything”, Ran answered without hesitation. “And I don’t take lightly anyone who treats him like that.”

He let out a hum. “So, would you tell me… What is so great in him?”

Ran eyed him, still wondering if she should tell him, but at the same time, she was a little bit afraid that this was his way to try to soften her and when she would be off track, he would attack.

“He is everything that you aren’t”, she answered finally. “And even though I would explain, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“I am”, she answered right away. “And I would choose him all over again.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

He just stared at her. It felt like forever but Ran kept staring back. Then he closed his eyes and let out a laugh before getting himself up, with a painful grimace on his face. Ran felt bad, but somehow, she felt satisfied. She hoped that he would feel as bad as Shinichi, but seeing how he got himself up…

“Then I think I have to admit my loss”, he said finally. He looked at the floor. “It’s hard to admit, but it seems that I can’t have a girl I’m in love with.”

Did he try to make her feel bad, after everything he had done?! Well, to be honest, Ran felt, but she tried to move it aside because she still believed that Takehiko had made much more trouble than this case was worth. And there were so many things that she would have liked to say about love. How his love was more like an obsession and how the best way to show love is to let her be with the one she loves and accept it. Let her be with Shinichi and stop harassing them.

But maybe she wasn’t the one who should give pieces of advice to those who had broken hearts. In the end, her feelings had been returned. Even though their relationship hadn’t been always easy, she believed that every relationship got good and bad times. But she couldn’t really understand those who had been turned down by their crush. She could only guess, but she didn’t know how it felt. And maybe those words wouldn’t mean anything to him at this point.

God, Ran, don’t let your guard down. Not yet!

“I… Well…” He looked bothered. “I’m… I’m sorry for all the trouble.”

Just sorry?! God, Ran wanted to tell him that this wasn’t even good enough! She wanted to make him go apologies to Shinichi personally, but part of her didn’t want to let him close to him. Not after this. Besides, right now she just wanted to get rid of him. Rid of this whole mess. “Just promise to leave us alone”, Ran said finally.

“I… will”, he promised. Then he smiled that boyish smile and looked at her. “But I hope we can exercise sometime together. It would be interesting to spar with someone who has a chance against me.”

Ran got a little mixed feeling about this. She hated how full of himself he was about his karate skills, but… She had to admit, his request was something she would have liked to consider. But right now, after everything?

“We will see about that later”, Ran just answered. “And that’s the answer you have to accept because right now I’m so mad that I don’t want to see you ever again”, she continued.

He looked sad but nodded before turning and walking slowly to the door. In silence, she just followed him with her gaze, making sure that he went to the door, opened it, and disappeared. And didn’t come back.

Only after that Ran relaxed. Slowly she turned to look at Shinichi, who sat just where she had left him, but still looked like he was having a hard time.

Ran walked to him, feeling already her body aching, but she ignored it.

“Hey”, she said when stopped beside him, crouching. “How are you feeling?”

Shinichi raised his head, looking at her. “Have been better, to be honest”, he admitted. Then he looked down and Ran saw how he held his side. “I thought I can take much pain, thanks to your thigh grips and hard kicks and hits, but…” He let out a laugh. “He was something else.”

Ran eyed at him, worried. Somehow all the anger had melted away already, and worry had come back. “Did he ask you to come here?” she asked.

“Yeah”, he answered. “He wanted to see me, and part of me didn’t want to, but I also thought that maybe this would be a good opportunity to talk about the situation and make him leave you be. But…” He let out a sigh. “He didn’t buy it. Instead, he was sure that he would be a better boyfriend to you and that I’m just an obstacle to getting you on a date. So, he wanted to challenge me.” Then he met her eyes, smiling weakly. “And the rest you know.”

“You should have fought back”, Ran said, raising her hand on his hair, feeling those on her fingers…

He let out a laugh. “Do I look like I would have won?” he asked.

He wasn’t wrong, but… “But you could have dodged and done something to win”, she said. She smiled. “You have always found a way to win, I don’t know how he would be any different.”

Shinichi shook his head and looked away. “I dodged him, but he wasn’t as gentle with me as you have been. So as much as I dodged and blocked, he got better on me.”

Ran still had a hard time believing that there was someone who had got Shinichi like this. Never happened before. But maybe he hadn’t met too many karatekas who would have wanted to fight with him. And even if he had, then Ran had stepped between them.

Maybe she should teach Shinichi some karate moves. As a self-defense.

“Can you get up?” she asked and straightened herself, offering her hand to him. “I would love to get out of here and get finally at home.”

“Same”, Shinichi agreed and grabbed her hand. He tried to push himself up, but the pain took over and make him stop. She offered her other arm, helping him stand up slowly. When she had made sure that he could stand by himself without falling, she let go of him for a moment to gather all their things. He took his school bag from her hands, and after Ran put her jacket on her, she put his arm around her shoulder and wrapped her arm around his back to support him.

Her school bag was still close to the door, but she would get it when they would pass by.

After calming his breath, he let out a laugh. “Is this how it feels?” he asked, looking at her with that sparkle in his eyes. “Being a damsel in distress?”

Somehow, it made Ran smile. “Hopefully not”, she answered. “You look so much in pain that I hope other damsels in distress aren’t in that bad shape.”

“Huh”, he answered, taking slow steps to the door with her. “Well, I think I always want to do everything the hard way.”

Ran giggled. “I feel like you do”, she admitted. “Even though you could save me from so much worry by taking that easy and safer way, you know.”

He shrugged a little bit, as much as he could. “But at least my savior is beautiful and brave”, he continued, making Ran blush. “I think this all was worth it.”

Ran shook her head with a smile. “You are an idiot, you know that?”

“Yep”, he answered. “And only yours.”

#ShinRanWeek2023 #ShinRan #Day 4: Creator's Choice #Damsel in Distress #Shinichi Kudo #Ran Mouri #OC #Detective Conen #Fanfiction

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argisthebulwark · 22 days

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Ao3 20 Questions

thank you @kagedbird for the tag!! <3<3 i will tag some friends @daedrabait @miraakswhore @somethingscarlet13 @queerbashir if u wanna participate <3

How many works do you currently have on ao3? Currently 25. holy shit, i thought it was more than that lol

What's your total ao3 word count? 98,336. Used to be like 200k before i cleaned out some old works i didn't care for anymore.

What fandoms do you write for? Skyrim and Star Trek TOS & AOS

What are your top five fics by kudos? Sorry Lass, Make Me Feel Mortal, Don't Shut Me Out, Fascinating, and Destroy Rebuild

Do you respond to comments? Sometimes! Honestly it depends on whether or not i'm online and see them. if i don't respond right away it feels rude to respond weeks after the fact, but for repeat commenters or usernames i recognize i try to!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Idk i used to like to emotionally beat up Jim a lot, so probably one of the short stories where i explore all his traumas

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Sorry, Lass. I originally wrote it in 2015 and i'm fairly certain it ends with a mushy marriage scene.

Do you get hate on fics? Surprisingly, no. I think i got a few rude comments back when i first started, but honestly everyone's been too kind to me.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Hell yeah brother that's what i do!! I love angsty, emotionally charged smut. my personal favorite to write is angry, hatefuck type of stuff. or when they're using it to avoid talking about feelings.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Not that i've ever posted lmao. I don't usually post non canon compliant fics for whatever fandom i'm working in.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Kinda. a few years ago someone let me know that my work had been reposted to a fic site i don't use and one quick message got them to take it down. Also, i once posted a fic as a one off, forgot that i'd done that, and used the same scene much later in a larger story - and some nice commenter on the original let me know that someone had stolen my idea lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope, never had anyone request that and don't want to do so incorrectly.

Have you ever cowritten a fic? Kind of? an old friend and i used to write separate chapters of our self insert marvel fics and mush them together into one story lol. never posted it anywhere, it was just shared emails and google docs.

What's your all time favorite ship? God, that's hard. probably McKirk. as i've gotten older and unlearned all the internal shame about self inserts it's gotten easier to do a self insert story instead of an established pair.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Every few weeks i pluck away at my regency au Miraak fic. i don't think i'll ever actually finish it because it's just so big in my head it's hard to get on paper, but i hope i do someday.

What are your writing strengths? I'm very comfortable writing sex scenes. I think that often when the author is uncomfortable about writing explicit sex the reader can really feel it in the story and i put in a lot of work to get over those mental hurdles. i've been told i'm good at characterization, which is awesome! i love getting in a character's head!

What are your writing weaknesses? Very often i find myself bogged down with the need to describe every little scene. it's a major reason i haven't posted a longfic in a while - i want to write these big stories but find myself getting lost in the little details. i also have a terrible habit of editing myself while i'm writing, which just gets me stuck in an unproductive loop.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Since i'm only fluent in English, this isn't something i am confident in. i've written in a few fictional languages for fics before but would probably reach out or suggest another author if a reader wanted something that heavily involved this.

First fandom you wrote for? Twilight babey!!! self insert oc to smooch Edward Cullen when i was a little middle schooler!!! i didn't know what fanfiction was but i knew i had a big ol crush on him.

Favorite fic you've written? not to be cringe on main, but most of my favorites are things that never got published. they're the little things still hanging out in my google docs that i go back to over and over. i rewrote all of star trek into darkness word for word just to make bones and jim kiss, i made a self insert just to smooch skurge after hyperfixating on thor ragnarok, and the weird time a few months ago where i wrote like 40k words of a cowboy romance. i read them often and wish that i'd written more on many of them but i do not read my published works.

thanks to anyone who read my rambling lmao. love you all sososo much, thank you for reading my silly little stories and caring about them. <3<3<3

#tag games #beloved mutuals

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baynton · 6 months

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thanks for the tag @thelastplantagenet <3

for the sake of this tag game i'll only be using my main/current ao3 account to answer with. otherwise it'll get far too messy

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

53, and i only made this account and started posting on it in january of this year. i'm very normal

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

144,946

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly just mat fandoms to be honest, although i've got like... 4? non-mat fics on this account. i will be disregarding those 4 fics from now on (because obviously bigger fandoms get more recognition and this is a Mat Account)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- Cold Turkey - 24 kudos, pat/thomas

- Performance - 22 kudos, thomas/julian, thomas/getting bukkaked by all the ghosts

- Follow Through - 22 kudos, alison/thomas

- Simon Says - 20 kudos, mat/simon

- Permanently - 16 kudos, julian/thomas

obviously since ghosts is the biggest mat show, it makes sense (not really anyone reading fics for ymata, spy, the wrong mans, etc)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i'm a lazy shit, and usually forget. when my friends comment they also tend to message me about it in the mat discord (if you're 18+ and want to join hmu it's a lot of fun) where i post all my fics too, so i tend to reply to them over there to be honest, but sometimes when i remember or am particularly touched by a comment i will go and reply

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

definitely "tell me what you imagine, when you think of me." rip ariel. literally

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

okay well it's not actually finished yet, though i have a good idea of where i'm taking it when i get around to writing more, but i'd say Fixer-Upper probably. chris waltzes into joe's life, improves it, then starts giving him lots of kinky sex while they also dance around ~actually dating~ (which they will end up doing properly. when i get around to writing it)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

generally, no. i make it clear what my fics contain, whether that's kinks, rpf, dubcon/noncon, etc, so most people know not to click if they're not interested. i did have a hate comment on simon says a while back, i remember because it was genuinely funny

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, lol. and all kinds, ranging from sweet to kinky as sin

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i write many crossovers, i mean. i write a lot of mat character/mat character so like chris x joe (spy x reluctant persuaders), ariel x chris (ymata x spy), but yeah they're only really crossovers in the sense that i'm like hmm this mat character should fuck/date this mat character. the only ones i *properly* create a believable crossover world for are my chris x joe fics, because i'm very normal about them

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't see why anyone would bother stealing mine, the mat fandom is so tiny there's not much to steal. emma @toomanyfandomsneverenoughtime has written a few fics based on my favourite chris x joe crossover world i created, though, which isn't stealing but the greatest gift ever <3

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no, actually! i would 1000000% cowrite with emma though. if she wanted to :3

13. What's your all time favourite ship?

look. look.l ook. i can't choose between ariel x jamie and chris x joe but if i had to. chris x joe lol

14. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

i fully intend to finish my wips! i have the next chapter and a half written for Paid in Trade, i just haven't published it, and i've also got further plans for Fixer-Upper, and those are my only wips. most of my fics just tend to be smutty oneshots tbh

15. What are your writing strengths?

i write pretty good smut when i actually put in the effort, as opposed to being like oh god i have this smutty idea and i need to get it out of my head so i'm just gonna write it all in two hours and then post it because why not

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

having patience. i'm trying to write a longer sam/marat fic at the moment but i just keep wanting to rush ahead to the good bit rather than drag out the slow burn, even though i really want to. i'm impatient af tbh

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i only speak english and would probably definitely butcher another language. however if i ever have a need for a character to speak another language, i would probably make it czech so i could get @the-illuminated-one to provide me with actual sensical sentences as opposed to google translating it

18. First fandom you wrote for?

ohhhh wow kingdom hearts lol. but those are all wiped from the internet. there's still some ancient glee fics i wrote out there though, which came right after the kh era

19. Favourite fic you've written?

keeping it within the mat fandoms once again (otherwise i will just talk about my jopper fake dating fic which i am still so fucking proud of lol), probably come closer (ariel x jamie), but there's also a few fics i'm working on that are completely unpublished atm that i am very very attached to haha

and now for tagging. i tag @toomanyfandomsneverenoughtime, @sonnet-of-anarchy, @kore538, @goodonecap. no pressure, i just love u guys and know u all write. xo

#tag game #*fic #thanks t i loved doing this <3

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melandrops · 8 months

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20 Questions Writer Ask Game

Inspired by @thesymphonytrue

How many works do you have on ao3?

What's your total ao3 wordcount?

209,022

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In published works I have 5:

DSMP/RPF (I count them as the same fandom even though they are tagged differently in my works)

Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse

Stranger Things

Legend of Zelda (BOTW/TOTK)

White Collar

I have wips in probably 2 or three other fandoms including Shadow and Bone, Purple Hyacinth and The Magnus Archives

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Hey Lover (Pavitr/Hobie)

Three Rings (Karlnapity)

I'm not a praying man (but I'll kneel to that) (Pavitr/Hobie)

Dancing Barefoot (Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler)

We're Sleeping Together (Dnf)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Very rarely to be honest. If it's a mutual or someone I know or they give a comment that I think warrants a response (request, questions, etc) then I respond. Otherwise, I never know what to say and how to thank them for commenting without sounding like an automated message lmao. But if you have commented on my fics trust me I have happy screamed about you <3

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Love Causes Trouble. 60s/70s era dnf where george gets killed at the end. Very tragic I think.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the wildest one you've ever written?

Nah, no crossovers. I do have a hunger games/spiderverse idea, but I'm not sure if it will come to fruition.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, god bless. Which is a little surprising sometimes considering the amount of rpf I've written lmao. But my dsmp writing was never that popular so I should count my blessings.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sure. I prefer quick and easy fade to blacks which I've done before, but occasionally I write smut.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would be open to the idea. It would have to be a long fic if I did that.

What's your all time favorite ship?

Oh god. I've never written for it but ngl wolfstar has a soft spot in my heart. But there are so many and for the sake of not providing a documented list of everyone I've shipped before I'll leave it at that.

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

My Purple Hyacinth fic. I love it so far, but I just got so burnt out in the middle of working on it. And I have trouble picking up fics when I haven't touched them in too long. I still have it outlined and probably like 1/3 of the way done. So I'm holding out a sliver of hope. But realistically, I probably won't finish it.

What are your writing strengths?

Uhhh no idea. Over the years I've definitely seen a lot of improvement in my descriptive style. Showing, not telling. And I think I've gotten a lot better at making my writing compelling. The first time someone told me that my writing made them cry I also cried.

What are you writing weaknesses?

So much. 😭 I find that dialogue often runs away from me and I get sidetracked, or it sounds clunky and unnatural. Also characterization. I tend to want to make my characters 1 million percent soft and huggable and forgetting that they are quite flawed. Also plot. I can write out a series of vignettes like nobody's business but an actual plot is hard. I've only written something with a genuine plot a few times, and only one of those got published.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It's why I didn't include any of Pavitr speaking in Indian associated languages. I don't want to do a bad job on it, and would be too nervous about accidentally appropriating someone's culture. Or just generally making an ass out of myself by writing something silly. Maybe something to work on?

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Wrote and published? Dsmp. That fic has been deleted (it's for the best) but my first fic on my profile is still a dsmp work. Unpublished, my first fanfiction was probably for the Lunar Chronicles. Specifically Cress and Thorne.

What's your favorite fic you've ever written?

Love Causes Trouble

It is not the most popular of my fics by a long shot, but it's one of my favorites. If I went back and rewrote it there are a lot of things I would change about it. A lot. It's very imperfect but I'm just such a slut for 60s/70s queer love, for artists and writers falling in love and for tragic endings. A bit kill your gays, but I'm at peace with that.

If not for you (I couldn't get off this floor)

I also like this one because it has a few personal ties to me and because it got such a good reception. I got so many comments saying that this helped them process their grief or it was really cathartic to read so it means a lot to me.

I'm tagging a few people but please feel free to continue the game, even if I didn't tag you.

@avi17 @maybeebeee @wulfspyd3r @sunkraken

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lesbianjesuslovesyou · 4 months

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oh dear god. Dear god. Fuck. Dear lord. Dear lord have mercy.

I have fallen through a fever dream of a rabbit hole and indubitably gotten drunk in your fanfics. Like I don’t say this often. But your fanfics legitimately manage to incorporate ALL of my kinks. And theirs like. So fucking many of them.

Your fics + name swapping sites have been legit the only thing that’s kept me going for like the past week. It’s like a drunk haze except I’m not drunk I’m just insanely horny (I recently started testosterone as I’m transitioning. So yeah. That’s why)

but holy FUCK. You’re like some fucking Angel sent from above. You have spanking overstimulation, degradation AND super dom tops + whiney pathetic bottoms??? It’s just. God. So fucking good. I feel delerious just thinking about it. You’ve made me delirious.

Sorry for that long ass intro. I think I just came here to metaphorically ask/ beg if you take requests or any type of prompts or anything?

Fuck I do love the Cytherea and Gideon fics don’t get me wrong I also love the Harrow and Gideon stuff too. I just like a little non/dub con in my smut fics sometjmes. Brings an extra rough element. And you always have Cytherea give off such perfect ‘Mean Mommy Don’ vibes ifnejdjsjdjd.

something even wacker? I’ve never read a single tomb book. I had no idea what it even was. I still haven’t read it yet. I just know the characters single-handedly from your fics. I typically replace all the names with my current favorite ship which is Toradeen. Aka Toralei x Clawdeen from monster high. With Toralei as the bottom cause girlie ain’t topped a single thing in her life and she not about to start now lol.

but what’s so fun is that you’ve seriously gotten me interested in reading those books. I have a severe backlog of books I need to read. But I’m definitely adding the series to the list just cause of you! So uh? Win for the tomb series?

anyway sorry this was long. I just got excited to see you were on tumblr

sa/lkdsnkkgdjhfallbjsfbdsk vjghfdkbjvnskz Oh my GOSH, you are the sweetest!!! I am SO glad you've enjoyed my fanfiction. Truly, that means the world to me. <3 And you haven't even read the series! It is definitely worth looking into; Gideon the Ninth is legitimately one of the best books I've ever read, and it sparked over 130 fanfictions in less than two years... being able to combine my favorite book series with my favorite BDSM tropes and kinks has genuinely made me so happy. I haven't written this much in my whole life, and it's all thanks to this series with the silly goth nun and butch swordswoman.

I do take requests! Sometimes I post on Twitter (@utilitywhiskers) with a "drop # kinks and we'll see what happens" and try to create a fic with the first ones that pop up in the comments.

I'm not on Tumblr as much as I used to be back in my pre-fandom days (when the interface was still easy! and didn't make my computer lag!), but you're also welcome to shoot me a request in my Askbox here. I tend to only write Locked Tomb fics, but I love exploring new kinks.

And since you made me blush like a schoolgirl with your super sweet message, here's a sneak peek of some future fics that I hope to finish once the fandom-wide Holiday Exchange is over: -Dollification -Human Slave AU -Littlespace/Ageplay -T-Dick Blowjobs -Circus AU -Hypnokink -Freeuse Noncon -Judicial Punishment -Serial Killer AU ...and so, so, so many more <3 Thank you again for the super sweet comment. I am sincerely so happy that my fics have brought you joy (and kept you warm at night!).

#the locked tomb #lesbianjesuslovesyou

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steddiecameraroll · 7 months

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Thanks @hbyrde36 for the tag, this is a good one! *rubs hands together*

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

23 (so far)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

543,459 (like, what? I only started writing fic on AO3 Aug 22. Rambler apparently)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, Stranger Things - Steve/Eddie

Historically, The Office - Jim/Pam

I also have 1 I wrote for Doctor Who that I posted last year on AO3 that I probably wrote in 2009. - 10 Doctor/Rose

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Artist and The Hair

Your Silence Gives Me a Migraine

It Takes a Muscle to Fall In Love

Must Have/Can't Stand Checklist

My whole existence is flawed (You get me closer to God)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. I honestly don't get that many so totally manageable and I like to acknowledge the time they took to do it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oof, well I always have a happy ending, but I will say my Glimpse of Us series, is a rough one emotionally for everyone involved for 90% of each fic. Or, you could say my When It's Time (I'll Be There) with a 5-1 near death for Steve where he keeps having flashes of Eddie in the afterlife, the 1 is it's no longer a near death for Steve, but they end up together so that's the happy part.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

IMO, This Is Supposed to be My Damn Year, because the epliogue goes 30+ years in their future.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, I'm flying pretty low under the radar so I'm more thinking if people don't like it they don't leave a kudos.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes...it's Steddie so it's all on the table. I've done the sweet romantic, done the rough aggressive, from BJ to 1st person Eddie, haven't touched many kinks or rape/non-con, but I do have a couple WIPs with Steve maybe being a little OOC and cruising/glory hole situation.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, although if you look at half of my fics it would look like it but actually those are both me. Long story, but short version is I couldn't login to one account for 6 months so created a new one and then once I could get in I "merged" together.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, you're not going to get a real answer while I'm still head first in a brainrot of Steddie. 2 years ago you would've gotten a totally different answer but the ships I've had have always helped me process through some shit, and Steddie did that too, so they all hold a special place in my heart for different reasons.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There's a bunch in my files but I won't post it, if I'm not going to finish it. I will never leave a WIP up again. I left one open for like 10 years one time, which was insane because at some point during that time period I actually finished it, but I didn't post the last chapter until like last year when I got back into writing fanfic.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm not sure. I hope it's authenticity, something that feels realistic, reasonable, could totally happen. This feels like a question I'd have to ask people that read my work.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Run on sentences. Thank god for Grammarly, seriously.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think it's cool if the author can speak that language. Sometimes utilizing tools like Google translate etc loses the authenticity of language and communication from a human connection standpoint. I'm not saying you shouldn't use them just notice how a vibe can be off when used.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Office back on MTT (More Than That) message board and archive. When I'd post my "icons", desktop wallpapers, etc on my Livejournal. My fics are still up actually. I cross posted one on AO3, the one I finally posted the last chapter of but when I go back and read them now I'm like oh man that's a totally different author. And really it was.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I love love love love my Must Have/Can't Stand Checklist. I've read it myself several times. It's a dichotomy for me of what was going on in my personal life vs the warm, fluffy, cuteness I was writing. I used that fic as a distraction, my mom was going through lung cancer diagnoses and then surgery, so during the day I was being the caretaker and working an insane amount of hours stressed out to the max, and at night I was writing two boys being madly in love being silly and happy together. it has a decent number of views (for me) but in the grand scheme of many other writers I read and follow, it's slim numbers. Still means a lot to me that people have also enjoyed this fic.

#tag game #steddie #steddiecameraroll posts #fanfic writer

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notalotgoingonatthisinstant · 2 years

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3, 6, and 8 for the fanfic writer asks! 😊

3. Is there any trope/scene you've been wanting to write?

So many *cries* But right now, I've been meaning to get to the point in one of my WIP where the pairing has kids, because I might explode from cuteness just writing it. I know I can just skip ahead and write it, but I don't wanna. I'LL GET TO IT EVENTUALLY.

6. What character(s) do you find it most difficult to write?

I've written for many fandoms over the many years I've been writing, and there's always a character that I have to carefully draft out their lines or inner thoughts, because it's different than my natural flow. A few that come to mind right now are Annabeth and Jason from PJO, young Sirius Black (because it's hard not to make him too batshit crazy), Reggie from JATP (he has to be the right amount of bimbo), and Simon from YR.

Simon sometimes gives me a run for my money. He has a very strong sense of self, but he's also a people-pleaser and likes to take care of everybody, so that balance is hard to get *just* right. Just last night I was writing a conversation between him and the Queen, and I nearly pulled my hair out trying to make it realistic. (spoiler for a fic that's coming soon? shhhhh)

8. Which fic or hc do you feel most proud of?

I think I may have a favourite baby from each fandom. It usually aligns with the most popular ones, because it's mostly my multichapter stories that I spent so long working on.

Half a God - PJO one about Percy going a bit overboard to protect his mum. We need more dark!Percy, yes thank you.

About That Accent Series - Another PJO about their different accents. Two installments that I'm extremely proud of, including one that ended up being a huge Solangelo get-together fic. I've got a third one sitting in my drafts for years (about Nico's Italian accent) that I never seem to finish, BUT IT'S THERE AND I'M TRYING.

Down at the Pier AU Series - My biggest JATP project that was so well-received that I can't even. I worked my arse off to make it flow well. It's the best feeling in the world to have so many people saying nice things about it. I re-read it occasionally as well.

The Front Comes First and the Truth Comes Second - For YR. The first chapter in particular. It was one of those fics when I saw what I had envisioned actually translate to paper after slaving at it. Completely paid off.

Put Me Back Together and Take My Heart - My Wilmon canon-divergence, beloved. I've always wanted to write about a head injury, because I just see so many irl, but I didn't want it to feel too medical and boring, like rubbing knowledge on people's faces. I think I managed to get the flavour just right for this one, and I also re-read it frequently for my own enjoyment. Universe in progress.

His Royal Fucking Highness - Another huge Wilmon project of mine that is currently in progress, now with a installment about their wedding. I have received messages asking about whether I've abandoned it, and NO, I can assure you I haven't. I'm just being very extra for the next chapter of the wedding fic.

On a completely unrelated note (wink wink), I'm also proud of the Juke song I wrote for a fic, because that was the first song I ever seriously wrote, and I haven't stopped writing songs since: Do You Wanna Get...?

#percy jackson fic #juke fic #wilmon fic #solangelo fic #my fics #writing

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1d1195 · 15 days

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A PENNY?!?! Sam literally how?! AND FOR JEANS?! but you know what I would try to achieve that high again too lol But yay for shopping! Hope you got some lovely stuff bestie!

Dealing with teens all day for the entire work week is CRAZY so I dont blame you for having constant headaches lol oddly enough my brother is the one that suffers from headaches lol Oh hormones for sure cause the stomach to be wack which is so unfair! this period will NOT affect you on your break!! A period is never fun but hope youre taking care of yourself!

ME TOO!!! I do not fit in those flared/bell bottom jeans thats trendy now which is tragic solely because that's all i ever see in stores!?! Im also not even close to being considered tall or petite and those just make me look so off too bahah So skinny jeans for me have always been the option where although not the best option, they are the lesser evil of jeans lol

AWW that's so cute! Little Sam was such an icon for that!(you still are obvi) You should for sure should revisit the marry janes for the fall!!! I am waiting for that day too! Sam I don't think you know how much of a HATER i am of electric scooters, i am fighting a battle everyday trying not to get killed by them on campus 😭 But I love that coleege was walkable for you! It must have been nice getting to know the area well!

I had a feeling you played softball at least! Idk if my mind was just projecting the Made to be Universe/storyline but softball seemed like something you would have done/enjoyed! But omg you were like a full on athlete?! That's so cool! Not the injuries of course but the rest is!

I tense up so quickly because im very awkward about my feelings😭SAM THERE HAD TO BE MANY THAT FOUND YOU HOT! i kid you not being smart is SO attractive! Plus a cute girly who is GOOD at math in a typically guy dominated field!? The puns seem like a very you thing and i love that honestly! I think its so cute when people do that!

ALSO THAT POLL😭 bestie I cant choose😭I need them ALL! I spent a good minute thinking about my vote lol very excited though!

Have such a lovely start to your break Sam! love you!-💜

If there is a coupon I will find it lol. I can't tell you how many times I've signed up for American Eagle text messages and then unsubscribed just to get 15% off every time. I think I had a crazy reward and then the jeans were already on sale. I'm pretty sure they have to charge you something in order for the sale to go through so I think they HAD to charge me something.

I'm already enjoying my break actually despite my period. Thank God for Midol tbh I think I would die without it. My body is very clockwork so after cramps for a FUN 24 hours it's usually much more manageable. I HAVE to take meds though even if I don't feel crampy right away. The second my body realizes I'm on my period it's like "TIME FOR CRAMPS" and again, if I don't take the meds right away I get behind the pain and I am FUCKED for the remainder of the 24 hours.

I am trying to relax as much as possible because May and June are going to be crazy with senior prom/graduation and stuff. Plus I've outsourced myself as well for lots of other projects 🙃 I really need to learn to say no (time to reread Dolcezza) But I plan on finishing this book I'm reading (I haven't done very well reading lately, but I'm telling myself it's okay because it's not a race and I read a lot early on.) I do have to do some lesson planning but I actually enjoy that because I find math soothing like a psychopath hahahahaha

That's amazing you like skinny jeans. I feel so ostracized sometimes when it comes to my jeans choices. All my friends and coworkers have moved on with the trends and I'm still in 2013/2014/2015/2016 hahaha. VERY controversial: I actually really like jeans. I always by jegging jeans so they're super stretchy and comfy. Obviously if I can wear leggings I will hahahaha.

I'm crying about the electric scooter. You must be on a sizable campus to have electric scooters that's so funny. People drove their bikes/skateboards around campus a lot but no scooters. I loved the area my college was in (I actually live down the street from it in an apartment now because I love this area so much) it's very much the setting behind My Friend's Toyota hahaha

LOOK AT YOU MISS DETECTIVE HAHAHAHAHA I didn't even realize that about Made to Be that's so funny and true. I tried a bit of everything tbh. I did swimming (mostly so I wouldn't die growing up on the beach) and tennis lessons which I wasn't good at either but I really enjoyed anyway. I suck at ice skating (do you know how often you use your ankles for pretty much every sport? 🙃) and idk what it is about basketball but I may as well just sit in the middle of the court it would be less harmful to those around me.

OH BESTIE SAME HERE ABOUT FEELINGS. Everyone around me told me my bf liked me before we started dating and I was like "No he doesn't he thinks I'm gross" ☠ if they found me hot and attractive I kinda wish they told me! 😭 it's selfish but it would have done a nice boost to my ego. I was never the 'looked' at friend if you will. I called myself The DUFF™ all throughout middle and high school I really did a number on my self-esteem 😭 I am probably a little toxic when it comes to being a STEM girly lol because I tried so hard in high school and college to prove I was just as smart as the boys (sometimes more actually 😉)

For the poll it's just about the order which I think is kind of fun! I hope other people are enjoying it--I find it really helpful! I thought I did a lot of my more "obscure" stories on the last round of voting so I thought it would be nice to bring back some of the more popular series. I almost threw Protection on there too but thought it was too much (and too mean to make that decision) hahahaha

💕💕

xoxo

#💜

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littlefireofhestia · 3 years

Note

hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.

i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.

the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.

i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!

i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.

now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.

anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!

Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!

I’m always open to questions about Hestia.

First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.

The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.

You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.

I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.

Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.

Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.

Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.

youtube

P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.

#hestia devotee #hestia worship #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan

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madfantasy · 3 years

Note

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

#ask #text #diary #personal #my art #miss

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lesbianaglaya · 3 years

Note

you're one of the only blogs i follow that has content related to i am in eskew so i Must pick this bone with you: what do you think of the idea of eskew doing what it does because it loves david?

i think that's a really shallow, easy-way-out, needlessly romanticised interpretation of the entire concept, but i genuinely can't think of another explanation for their dynamic.

that is, obviously, apart from the simple fact that eskew is cold and cruel (perhaps with moments of misdirected empathy, although i would perceive them as weakness, pity or sadism rather than genuine compassion). those two seem to be the only interpretations of eskew's motivation? admittedly i haven't listened to it properly in a while so i could be wrong..?

but i'm very tired of people trying to claim romance as an inherent aspect - and sometimes even the cause - of horror. it can definitely be a part of it and add to it, but seeing that as a quality that all forms of horror have is kind of a reach imo. i especially don't understand the need to draw that connection between david and eskew. is there something i'm missing from the actual plot/themes, or is this just a widespread fan theory? am i approaching this with too close-minded a perspective?

i'd love to hear where you stand on all this <3

thank you for this message anon!! im going to do my best to explain my interpretation of david and eskew’s relationship. warning it’s. long.

to start off i do think eskew loves david. i think it loves david terribly, desperately, and selfishly, like a child to a parent. or i suppose, more like a toy to a child, but if that toy had sentience and near omnipotence and also was kind of a god. i sort of conceive of eskew as the horror version of the velveteen rabbit — eskew loves david, because in seeing eskew, in recording it and experiencing it and living in it, david makes eskew A Real City.

One of the dialogue exchanges in the velveteen rabbit goes like this:

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse

so many episodes of eskew are about david experiencing horrific versions of mundane, everyday things. things that you experience in normal cities but twisted beyond recognition or comprehension. ej did a great job outlining it in this post but eskew fundamentally wants to be a city, yet it was created to be manipulative and cruel. what do you do when hostility is ingrained in you so deeply that you cant recognize its existence? and so every attempt to be kind to david, the person who makes it real by living there, is touched with cruelty and perversity that i dont think eskew can even perceive.

giving david jobs that it thinks he will like, and things to do in his spare time, and even lucia, i think eskew does these things out of its understanding of love, which can never be good or kind or equal. this is all compounded upon as well, of course, by david’s own negative self image, and the comfort i would argue he takes in the predictability of his own suffering. i made this post a while ago about david as eskew’s eternal sacrificial victim and i stand by it, and i think that’s part of why david has such a hard time conceptualizing himself out of eskew. he enters the city when he is basically still a child — just 17 — and his conception of his adult life is that when things hurt, they are real. and for a boy who was so obviously disconnected and isolated, feeling real is just as important as it is to a city that is not a city.

so tl;dr i dont really conceive of it as a romance, but i do think there is love. like, the jeanette winterson quote “This is not a love story, but love is in it. That is, love is just outside it, looking for a way to break in”. i think that’s eskew. love trying to break in but never, ever, according to the very rules of its existence, being able to.

#there's like. three separate posts in here. anyway thank you anon!! i hope this makes sense!!#i am in eskew #gabby.txt #mail #Anonymous

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imonthinice · 3 years

Text

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 12/?

Word Count: 4.4k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N - Any Name (Your Best friend’s name)

God idk what i’m doing with this but i’m liking it lmao

next one might honestly be smut idk

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Description of Blood, Gets heated, hints at trauma, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Y/N walked through the streets of Gotham, which were once bustling with people, but now were quiet with the occasional hooker, she had caught the city as an unlively hour, where it seemed to sleep the night away while the vigilantes of the area watched it like their lives depended on it. In some ways it did, the stories they would tell when being interviewed were horrific sometimes, but Y/N figured a decent amount of it was for dramatization, to keep the people of Gotham off of the streets to protect them all from it.

The question was always protect them from what, and they never answered. So, it never kept the people of Gotham at bay from the streets at night, and had Y/N’s car not been towed, she would have been driving home in the safe, secluded area of her car, not the vast wilderness of the streets of Gotham.

She looked up at the sky to see one of the virgate boys using a grappling hook to fly to the other building, which was such a sight to behold for someone who never witnessed a superhero beyond Superman at home. She wished and longed to know more about the vigilante, but didn’t dwell or dote on that man, because she didn’t need to.

Something told her that he was watching though, tracing every step she made to make sure she got home in one piece. She thought she was crazy, her life didnt matter more than anyone else in Gotham. He’s not following me, why would he? she thought, Even though I’m dating Jason Todd, they probably don’t know Jason, so my life doesn’t mean much more to them than any one of the hookers along this street. I’m overthinking it.

The walk home took two hours, she left Jason’s at 4am just to find herself back home at 6am, bright and early as the sun rose, ready to greet the day and all it had in store for everyone. But the things it had in store for Y/N was a class and if she was lucky, cuddling with Jason. Nothing more, nothing less.

She would open her front door, unscathed from the journey home, except maybe for a few callouses on her feet, it was the last time she wouldn't pay for more than a day of parking, that’s for sure. Heels were not the shoes you wanted for a two-hour walk home in the Autumn cold, but they were what she had.

She thought about what she was going to do next, and the first thought she had was to shower. Not because she needed to, but because she wanted to nurse the terrible headache she had and to think some things through. What she normally did in the shower.

She wanted so much more from so much of her life. the main offender of seemingly not being enough for her was Jason. Not because she didn’t want more, but because she craved more from him. He was injured, so she wouldn’t get much more rom him for the time being, and it stung a little for her. She just wanted him, maybe sexually, maybe in a more romantic setting or maybe just on her couch on a Thursday afternoon. It was all three of those options and she knew it.

She pulled out of the shower and looked at the time, 6:50am. Okay, she thought, little more time than I wanted to spend in the shower, but I guess the universe had different plans for me today. What else do you have for me, universe? And how much of you plan involves Jason?

She would open her phone after quickly getting dressed. While she still cared for her appearance, she didn’t want to dress like she owned a law firm every day, so she didn’t. Just black jeans and a black top and she felt like a million bucks.

Just some quick outfit inspo. I like doing these a lot. I think fashion is funky :))

Artemis had sent her a message asking where she was at around 4am, she wondered why the time, but she then remembered that Artemis’ boyfriend worked with Dick Grayson, who was Jason’s brother, who worked most nights until radical hours of the night. The chances that he saw her on her two-hour walk home was high, but the chances that that had also made it back to Jason was higher. She knew she was in for it.

Hey sorry, I was at Jason’s. Fell asleep in his arms the whole shebang. And yeah, that was me who screamed the yo momma joke at the press. It was super childish, I know, but I don’t care. Those fucks are sucking my life force out of me and harassing my boyfriend, even your boyfriend.

She would then look at the articles calling her a gold digger and worth-nothing childish insulter of the press. She laughed. If the press wanted a fight from her, she was more than willing to oblige and load the canons.

She didn’t know how to fight back that well, since it was a mainly verbal fight, and she barely even knew how to fight physically, hence all the running and non-confrontational arguments she had had to the press.

And like fucking clockwork, Jason texted her.

Did you walk home alone or are my brothers lying bastards?

I walked. I knew someone saw me, fuck.

Why did you walk home? I thought you drove here?

I did, but we spent more than 12 hours together Jason. I didn’t buy enough hours, suddenly my car was being towed.

You could have asked for a ride home from Alfred! He would have in a heartbeat.

I was going to! But I got distracted and it all became a blur and suddenly I was part of the way home in the dark by myself!

What if you had gotten hurt?

Well, I saw one of the vigilantes of the city on the rooftops, I’m sure if I screamed they would have seen me. They always do see that stuff.

So, your car got towed huh?

Yeah, I don’t know when I’ll be able to pay it off. It’s not exactly like money my parents give me should go to my car getting towed because I got fucked over by seeing my boyfriend.

You’ll figure it out. Sorry about the car, that’s got to suck fucking ass.

You think? I’m stuck taking the fuckin’ subway till I get my car back. I hate the subway, too many people. Far too many people. Too many eyes. It gets stressful really quickly. Might just walk every where honestly, I can’t deal with the eyes of strangers.

But you’re a C-list celebrity.

Internet is different. I can just block the bad eyes and move on with my life, you should see my block list now that some people are connecting my name to the girl who flipped off the press, thank god Twitter has a fuckin block feature.

You should really just meet my family so you don’t have to run away before they get home, would probably cause you a lot less financial stress, Y/N.

I’ll think about it.

You should think a little harder about it. I don’t want you to get your car impounded ‘cause you’re seeing me, why did you even park in pay-to-park?

Did you not see the massive mob trying to get to you? It was impossible for me to even try to pull into the driveway. Hence why I’m being insulted, you know, ‘cause I yelled at the press to get them to leave me alone. I fucking hate the press, you’re stabbed, severely injured last time they got information, and they’re harassing me, asking me what I like to do on the weekends.

Fucking vultures. Yeah, I’ve seen that. I’ve read the articles. But that’s the press for you, absolute trash and spitting bullshit in everyway.

Fucking hate the press, that’s for damn sure. Despise them. I won’t ever change that, even if, knock on wood, we break up.

Praying we don’t break up so I can see you lose your shit at the press when you’re bored.

She would get up to go make some coffee, since it was closer to 7:20am and if her roommate woke up, she could just tell her to get up anyway.

The press can suck my dick. she said.

You have a dick?

Oh yeah. Massive. 20ft long. It probably won’t even fit all the vultures.

Oh my god, that’s not as big as mine.

lmfao is it now?

Oh yeah.

Nice.

Anyway, my brothers are staying home from school today, I think they’re making me play Resident Evil 8 with them? You know that game?

Of course. Everyone in that game is infinitely hot.

Are you bi?

I don’t know. Haven't thought that far ahead to actually label myself. I just like people. Sometimes it’s men, sometimes it’s women. But you have to agree when you see them all. That game came out when I was still in high school, so I’ve played the entire thing. My phone background is actually one of the characters.

Which one?

I’ll show you if I come over tonight.

My brothers might be in my room, though.

Okay, but, RE8 is an amazing game. So, worth it.

You won’t meet them normally but I pull out a game you love and you’re down?

I’m very easy to convince.

You still have notes to write when you come over though.

Oh yeah, I was probably going to have to come over both ways, just because I need those notes and you do too.

Do you not own a printer?

I barely even own a laptop, I’m waiting for my old one to come in the mail.

How do you even manage?

With a whole lot of will and spite, anything is possible.

And that’s when her discord group chat @’ed her. She was on Do Not Disturb because she was Jason, and apparently they missed her.

Y/N! C’mere. One said.

Yes? Whatduhya want nerds?

We’ve decided to hold a fake internet wedding between you and Christopher. Another said.

A what.

We’re getting married!

Sometimes I wish I never left Metropolis and then I remember you fucks live there. Why are we doing this? You do know I have a boyfriend right? She asked them.

I don’t know, we’re bored and we miss you. We can have a bachelorette party in Gotham, if you want.

I’m this close to going back on DND.

The group chat was made way back when they had all first met in grade 9 and had been active ever since. They all had stayed in the city when they graduated though, but since Y/N received a scholarship, fully paid for, she took the opportunity and jumped.

They were some of her closest friends, even if they lived in a different city to her now, even if they were all busy with school, even if she was busy with school and a boyfriend, A lot of her life wouldn’t be complete without her crack friends in her hometown.

They had all ben partying like crazy while she was gone, and if she wasn’t so hung up in her own life, she’d probably be down there with them.

Before you do, can you please explain why you’re screaming at the press, lmao.

Because fuck the press, dude. Why else?

What did they do to you?

Have you seen the recent articles?

That’s true.

She laughed and finished her coffee. Jason had not responded yet, she assumed his brothers were either checking on him or they had started the game. It was around 8am when A/N finally left her room.

“I thought you were staying with Jason?”

“I was, but then I remembered he has like 9 siblings and I’m not about to meet them all. Then I walked home.”

“You walked?”

“Car got towed.”

“Fuck, can you afford the bill? I can’t.”

“Nope.”

“Guess we’re going to take the subway for a while, huh.”

She sighed and put her cup in the sink, “At least you don’t have school to go to and your lover comes to meet you, I have shit to do and places to be,” she frowned, “Inconvenient.”

“Could you borrow money from Jason’s dad?”

“I don’t borrow money from family, it’s hard enough for me to accept the money my parents send me.”

“I know it is, when’s your class?”

“3pm, I’ll be leaving at 12pm though, because the subway is unreliable.”

“This is going to be a hard hit for us.”

“Well, it’s not like it’s fucking your credit. Mine’s tanking.”

“You’ll pull through it.”

-------------------------------------------

She got onto the subway at 12:30pm. She really hated the way it was running. The people, the faces, the staring eyes of unwanted attention. People knew who she was and she hated it. She didn’t like the attention, she just liked the fucking with people. She wanted to get off the subway the minute she got on.

She eventually couldn’t take it and got off a few stops away, there was still a substantial walk towards the college, but she knew it would be. She even brought a leather jacket with her so that she could walk if she couldn’t take it anymore.

And there she was, in the busy streets of Gotham, walking to her college. Barely aware of the people who did stare at her, because she just kept walking, lost in her thought but aware of the people in her trail, the cross walks and the lights she was waiting for occasionally. She just kept walking until Artemis met up with her,

“Hey! I didn’t know you were walking to school today,” Artemis said.

“Oh! I didn’t want to, my car got towed though.”

“Your car got towed? That sucks so much. Well, we’re going the same way, so I’ve decided I’m going to walk with you, you get no say.”

“Of course. I was going to ask if you wanted to,” she laughed, “It’s more fun with a friend anyway, Art.”

“So, how are things with you and Jason, I’m legally obliged to ask as one of his friends.”

“Well, we made it official if that’s the kind of thing you want to hear,” she laughed again, “I’m sure it’s the answer Dick will eat up.”

“You’re right about that one. Dick’s a sucker for a romantic story, you should write one, since you write. He’d probably read it all.”

“Well, that would be fun, but I still don’t have my laptop.”

“You could use Jason’s?” Artemis suggested..

“Nah. It’ll be fine,” she said, “I’ll manage.”

“Aren’t you collecting notes for him for your psychology class?”

“I am, it’s not like he can go anywhere. I actually told him he’d need to walk eventually so that it’s not a learning curve when he’s healed.”

“That’s what all of us are telling him too, he’s a stubborn man, good luck with that one,” Artemis laughed, “He’s always been the stubborn friend. Worse than Will, actually, and Will is really bad with being stubborn.”

“It’s fine,” she laughed, “If you asked any of my Metropolis friends they’d say the same about me.”

“I bet you were quite the wild child in your heyday back in your city,” Artemis laughed, “I hate Metropolis.”

“Who doesn’t? It’s so crowded.”

“Uh, Clark doesn’t. He thrives there, no idea why, he grew up in Smallville. If anyone should be uncomfortable with Metropolis it should be the small-city country boy, but I guess it’s his thing.”

“I forget you know everyone.”

“We know a lot of people, are you’re slowly being let into our massive circle of very well-known people. Welcome to the group, I guess,” she laughed, “You'll either hate or love the fame that comes from this.”

“Well, if its paparazzi and press, I think I’ll hate it.”

“I can promise you right now that it’s not all paparazzi and press, we haven’t been bothered today, probably because we are on the move.”

“You shouldn’t say that, you’ll jinx it.”

“I know a lot about not jinxing it, but that’s a story for another time,” Y/N noticed that when Artemis said this her eyes glazed over and she looked upset.

“You don’t ever have to talk to me about something you’re not ready to talk about,” Y/N reassured her.

“Hey, the trauma makes me funny.”

“Two can play that game.”

They would ramble on for the rest of the walk to their college. Nothing really of substance, just getting to know each other further. She was glad she found a friend in Artemis, it would have sucked if the two of them didn’t get along, but with each word they exchanged, they had so much fun.

She even told Artemis about that time she played Katherine Howard in her school’s budget play of Six - The Musical. She was proud of the riffs she was able to do, but she didn’t talk about it often. She was never the type of brag about her achievements, no matter how amazing they were.

But Artemis and Y/N parted ways and Y/N went to her class and wrote the same, boring, scribbly and barely legible notes. She figured eventually she’d need nicer handwriting, but did she want to work on it? No.

When she finished, she saw Artemis and who she could only assume to be Wally, at Artemis’ class doors. She waved to Artemis, before Artemis called her over.

“Y/N! Hey, I would ask how class is, but this is Wally,” she gestured to the red-head boy beside her, and Y/N held out her hand to shake Wally’s.

“Hi, Wally.”

“Y/N. It’s nice to meet you since Jason can’t shut up about you and my girlfriend likes you a lot.”

“Well that's sweet of you Artemis. You’re just so in love with me,” Y/N joked.

“Girl. You know it,” Artemis joked back.

“You two already have a close bond? That’s impressive,” Wally said, “Never seen anyone win over any of my friends this quickly,” he muttered.

They joked for a little while longer, just getting to know Wally before she had to go, she had to get to Jason’s.

The walk was a while away, so she went and sat on a park bench for a minute to check her phone, Jason had texted her.

Hey baby, are you coming over?

I am, yes. I actually just met Wally.

You met Wally and I wasn’t there to see it? C’mon.

Artemis introduced us! Go yell at her.

Oh. Never mind. I won’t do that.

Ha! Scared of her?

Maybe a little, she can be scary, okay?

You can’t tell but I’m laughing at you.

Dhmu.

That’s fine, I’ll just go hang out with Alfred and not you. He seems like he would be spiteful like me.

That’s unfair.

I thought you said don’t hit me up?

Fuck.

Checkmate.

I am upset.

No you’re not.

No I’m not.

She would walk down the street further, maybe within a couple steps to reach the Manor, when a man dragged her into an alleyway. She yelped.

“Uh, hello? Can I help you?” she asked, pretending she wasn’t terrified.

“How much would Bruce give me for you?” the attacker mumbled before he tried to knock her to the ground, but she had another plan.

He grabbed her, put his face close to hers, and she head-butted him, he would stumble back, and she started running to the Manor.

“Come here you fucking bitch!” he screamed. She could feel her nose bleeding as she ran and ran, the security saw her and pulled her into the gateway before drawing their guns and urging her to run to the steps of the Manor.

And she ran. The security at the door saw her and let her in, and yelled for Alfred.

“What is this nonsense, oh,” Alfred paused when he saw the blood running out of Y/N’s nose, “Miss Y/N, what happened to you?” he asked before grabbing her hand and pulling her into the entry-way bathroom and opening a first-aid kit.

“Okay so, what happened was I was walking to the Manor because my car got towed right? And this fucking bastard dude pops out from an alleyway and pulls me into it, asks some bullshit about how much Bruce would pay for me, when he grabbed me and tried to knock me down, when I head-butted him and started running,” she said, completely unphased.

Alfred didn’t respond to her and started to stop the bleeding when Bruce called for him, “In the entry-way bathroom, Master Wayne!” he answered.

Bruce came around the corner and saw Alfred was already tending to Y/N, “Well, this is the event where I meet my son’s girlfriend, when she is bleeding and running from a strange man in an alleyway.”

“Heh, sorry,” she said and outstretched her hand to shake his, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Bruce.”

“I can tell you’re going to be quite the addition to this household,” he said as he took her hand and shook it, “As long as you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“That’s good. I guess you can’t get mad at Jase for being a reckless man now.”

“I really can’t.”

“Alright, you should be good, Miss Y/N.”

“Thank you, Alfred. But you really didn’t have to.”

“I’ve been taking care of 5 boys and 3 girls since most of them were little, Miss Y/N. A little blood is really no big deal for me to handle.”

“That’s obvious.”

“You can go see the boys now, they’re going to ask you though,” Bruce said.

“I know.”

She walked to Jason’s room, hoping that he wouldn’t have all of his siblings in the room, he did though.

“Hey, Y/N- what the fuck happened to you?” Jason exclaimed when she opened the door.

“Oh great, all your siblings are here. Anyway, I guess,” she paused, taking in a big breath so she could run through the events quickly, “So I was walking here ‘cause my car got towed, right? When some fucking bastard man grabs me and yanks me into an alleyway and starts going off about how much Bruce will pay him to get me back or something,” she paused again, “And when he tried to knock me down by getting really close and personal to my face, like an idiot I should add, I head-butted him.”

“You did what?’

“I’m not done yet, met your dad when I actually had blood running out of my nose because that's just my fucking luck. Okay, now you can be disappointed in me,” she joked.

“I will say again, you did what?”

“Something stupid?” she said.

“You could say that again, my god, what went through your head?”

“Uh, nothing. Just survival. Fight or flight but I head-butted a man, and hi, everyone.”

“Hi, Y/N, I’m Dick,” Dick said, “You clearly are meant for Jason,” he joked, “That's something he would do.”

“Don’t encourage her, Dick!”

Stephanie got up and greeted her, “You know, Y/N, I always wanted a crazy sister,” she joked, “I’m Stephanie, the black-haired girl is Cass, and the red-head is Barbara.”

“Me too,” Cass hopped onto the joke.

“It’s something else when you meet the girl your brother is dating after she head-butted a man, apparently,” Y/N laughed, “I know it’s far-fetched-”

“Not really,” Tim cut her off, “You know Jason protected Will when they were attacked?”

“That’s Tim, by the way,” Dick said.

“So you can’t yell at me for head-butting a man!” Y/N joked at Jason while going to sit beside him, he slinged an arm around her shoulder and leant his head into her head.

“Well, you seem like a nice enough girl,” Barbara said, “Take away the reckless behavior, and you are lovely.”

“That is valid, to be honest. Not exactly the way you want to meet your brother’s girlfriend.”

“You think?” Jason asked, sarcastically.

“Ha ha.”

“See, she thinks I’m funny, why can’t you fucks?”

Y/N laughed and then asked Dick, who was playing RE8 at the time, staring at the photo of Donna Bentiveno, “She’s cute, isn’t she, Dick?”

“Have I been staring?”

“Let’s just say Angie is probably very pissed at you.”

“Oh! Whoops. There’s a point to this, I forgot.”

“I don’t blame you, I remember forgetting there was a point and the little bitch devil doll would attack you.”

“Language.”

“Oh no, you’re lame. Gross.”

“Excuse me?” Dick asked as the rest of the room erupted in laughter.

“Do you guys see why I like her now?” Jason asked.

“Uh no, she’s mean,” Dick said.

“You’re going to die if you don’t start paying attention, Dick,” Y/N said.

“Oh!” and he died.

“And that kids, is why we listen to the person who’s 100%’ed the game.”

------------------------------

Y/N and Jason would spend hours with his brothers and sisters until the sun started to set and they all scattered to their own rooms to do their own things. you can’t keep a lot of kids in one room for so long.

Once everyone left, Y/N placed her hands on Jason and kissed him, she was actually able to be laid on his pillow, he was able to pin her to the bed. And they did just that. He was on top of her, using his one arm to prop himself up and using his other hand to touch her face.

Her hands found their way into his hair like they always did, she found a lot of joy in playing with his hair. Their tongues danced together, they never fought or anything, they just enjoyed each other when Jason let out a small moan and she let out a small laugh.

“Keep it in your pants, Tiger,” she joked, “You’re not fully healed.”

“You literally smashed your face into another man but I can’t moan when I kiss you?”

“Because I know you want more.”

“Hell yeah I do,” he said as he went back for more, actually using his strength to keep her to the bed, but she didn’t protest this time.

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thisnoodlewritesao3 · 3 years

Text

The Girl Who Radiated The Sun - Part 1 | Sugawara Koushi/Reader

Characters: Sugawara Koushi, Reader (Sunshine), mentioned: Azumane Asahi, Shimizu Kiyoko, Sawamura Daichi. Original Characters: Previous!Reader(Moonlight), Kado, Joji, Etsu

Pairings: Sugawara Koushi/Reader

Warnings: jealousy, drinking (Suga, Reader, and Moonlight are all 22-23), implied/referenced depression

Word Count: 4165

Summary: Working at a café had been your dream come true, so was meeting Sugawara Koushi. Things were so perfect that you didn't notice the tides shifting until it was too late, and the moon had already piqued her way over the horizon.

A/N: This took me far too long to finish, and I am so sorry for that for those of you who have been waiting for this. If you haven't read this series before, then check out the other two parts for Moonlight and the start of her story, as well as Angel too. A big thank you to @pies-writes-and-more and @satan-ruler-of-hells for keeping my head in place while I wrote this. I could not have done this without you my loves.

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People have always intrigued you; their stories and the worlds around them that you’d get to glimpse into if you really paid attention (and you paid attention). There wasn’t anything more exciting to you.

That was why you loved your job at a café, you could observe the people around you with such ease. Some you only got to see for that day, some maybe a few more, but others would come weekly - maybe more. You had a few favourite characters in this little story.

The first was a tall, skinny man with brown hair. He always wore a suit and adored a black coffee every day - to go, obviously. Most of the time he was on the phone, grumbling to some poor human about a task they failed to complete, but the few times he wasn’t were more intriguing. He had a very calm air about him then. Very charming (especially when he tried to flirt with you, to no avail). He always tipped 200 Yen, telling you to treat yourself to something nice - you always wanted to pour his coffee over the expensive suit.

Next was the tired mother and her daughter. Every Friday, 3:35 on the dot, that’s when they showed up. The daughter would squish her cheeks together and gasp at the array of cakes before picking a cheesecake. The mother would smile almost sadly before getting herself whichever tea you’d recommend that day - normally a green tea, but you’d change things up sometimes. They were always a relieving sight. You knew the mother was single, listening as the daughter bragged about what she’d be doing with her dad this weekend. You watched the twinkle in her eye dwindle at the mention of her father, but the mother smiled through it all and smiled so sweetly. Such a brave woman.

And finally, one woman who had held your intrigue for the entire two years she’d been coming. Every single Saturday she’d enter, always ordering a tea and daifuku with anko filling. For the first year, she seemed so hopeful as she nervously rubbed her hands together; the few times you’d actually talked to her, she told you about her boyfriend, how she was waiting for him to call. And for a while, he did. Then slowly, she stopped getting that call.

She only ever missed one week - when you asked her about it the next week, tears pricked in her eyes and she broke down. You took her into the back quickly, ushering away the peering eyes of your co-workers so she could feel secure. You learnt her name, but you’d come to call her Moonlight (something about her just reminded you of the moon), and in turn, she’d call you Sunshine (because something about you reminded her of the sun).

You never talked outside of the café, but she seemed to open up just a little more with each passing week, discovering new things about her that you hadn’t expected. Things that exceeded your expectations. Only once did she show up with three small children in tow (Kado, Joji, and Etsu), and it was absolute hell - but the best day you’d ever worked.

Kado and Joji were truly little demons, just turned 5 and already forces to be reckoned with. Etsu was about to be 3, a beauty already. Despite being their sister, Moonlight acted more like a mother. It was almost sad to see.

Moonlight was somehow so open and yet so closed off at the same time; every inch closer you’d step towards her, she was pushing back. Always at arms reach. You could try and slip past her barriers (if you could figure out which ones actually led to her).

One week, you awaited her arrival with bated breath; something in the air today had you more nervous than usual and you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. You’d just gotten back off of your break when she arrived, smiling so beautifully. “Same as usual?” You chirped, already writing down her typical.

“For me, yes,” she chimed. Something about her was glowing more today - subconsciously, your brows twitched upwards, trying to figure it out what she meant. Your confusion seemed to click with her because she elaborated, “oh, I brought someone with me again. He’s just… I don’t know what he’s doing.”

Almost as if on command, the door to the café opened and in walked a man, a cheeky smile plastered on his lips. Something about him made it impossible for you to not look at him; then his eyes landed on her and you knew you never stood a chance. “What’re you ordering, bitch face?” He asked, snorting as she rolled her eyes.

“Make your own decision, Suga tits.” There’s a chemistry between them that you can’t quite figure out; enough space between them to leave it up to the imagination. Either old friends or lovers, now was the task of figuring out which it was? She glanced down at her phone, brows furrowing - he must have seen in the corner of his eyes because he immediately looked worried.

After he figured out his order, they sat down at a table and kept up their light chatter.

You hadn’t expected her to move on so quickly since whatever heartbreak she’d faced just over a year ago, but you were happy for her. With this boy - Suga, you guessed - she was able to open up and smile so freely. There was nothing forcing it.

You were happy for her, you told yourself.

----

The next week, Moonlight returned by herself, holding her hands in front of her and smiling ever so sweetly. “Hey.” You smiled so brightly, and she returned the gesture (you noted the emptiness in her eyes now that Suga wasn’t here). “Your usual?” You asked, and she nodded. “So, where’s that boy you were with?” You hummed, looking up at her.

“Oh, Suga?” She asked, and you could only nod because you didn’t really know who he was. “He’s got some work to do today; tough life being a university student, I suppose.”

“I wouldn’t know.” You laugh. There’s a questioning look in her eyes, but she slowly manages to piece things together and nods.

“Same. I only know what I know because of Suga and-” there’s a moment of hesitation and her expression falls to a sadness you recognise. You know exactly who she is thinking about in that moment and are quick to distract her.

“So is Suga, like, your boyfriend…?” That works and she looks up at you cackling with laughter, her head tossed back as she clutches her stomach. Her laughter is infectious in the nicest way and you giggle with her.

“God, no!” She calls out, brushing away tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes. A mixture of disgust on her face answers your first question, but it raises so many more in its place. Like a ‘one door closes and twelve more open’ sort of situation. Before you had a chance to ask, she had a chance to explain, “he’s just, I guess, my best friend.”

You nodded slowly and she glanced up at you as you mused, “I see.”

The smirk that tugged at her lips spoke a thousand words. “Why? Do you think he’s cute?” She asked, resting her head on her hand. The warmth that spread to your cheeks was a tell tale sign, but you denied it anyway. She only laughed and brushed you off.

You hoped that that would be the end of that conversation. That you wouldn’t have to face up to these feelings any time soon (because they weren’t really feelings). Of course, Moonlight had other plans.

You were cleaning off the table she’d sat at after she left when you noticed a piece of paper on it. All you could think was oh no.

Carefully, you unfolded the paper, and you were greeted with a little message - obviously from Moonlight. It read:

So, ya like Suga? Perfect, because he told me he thinks you’re cute.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

Go get ‘em :D

You hid the squeal of excitement at the words on the paper, but your co-workers would be sure to question why it was suddenly like you were floating for the rest of the day.

----

Had there ever been someone more perfect than Sugawara Koushi? No!

That was what you thought, of course, because Sugawara Koushi was an angel disguised as a devil. Sure, he liked to play little tricks and tease, and sometimes he could get a little too aggressive with his ways of love. But underneath all that was a soft interior that made your heart melt.

Every interaction with him left you on a high - which meant you were like this on, basically, a daily basis. Who knew that just a few months of dating and a month of officially being together could make your world so full of life of joy.

And the best part? He felt the exact same way.

You’d be sure to thank Moonlight for this opportunity to be with him until the day that you’d die. Without her, you never would have gotten this far; you would have passed up the greatest opportunity for love that you’d known. And for what? You didn’t even know.

“You know, I think you’re pretty cool.” You hummed one afternoon, curled up next to him on his couch, the film you’d been watching not long ago forgotten so you could trace the shapes on his face. Something so soft in his features as he looked at you. God, you just wanted to kiss him, and hold him, so much for so long.

“I think I’m pretty cool, too.” He chuckled, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

You only laughed and pushed yourself away from him - a small defiance - but he was quick to grab your wrist and pull you back.

“I guess you’re okay, too.” He planted a soft kiss on your forehead and you rolled your eyes.

That was the thing about Sugawara Koushi: his heart was so open and warm to the world around him. To the people who he held near and dear to him. You just happened to be lucky enough to be one of those people.

“I’m more than okay and you know it.” You said, resting your head against his chest and listening to his even heart rate pick up ever so slightly.

You wouldn’t call it love, not yet, not when it’s still so early into it. But you do know that you both care for each other so deeply, more than anyone will ever care about you, and more than anyone will ever care about him.

For a little while, it feels like the whole world only revolves around the two of you.

So much that you can’t see something rising over the horizon.

----

Of course, good things always seemed to get interrupted for you.

Sugawara was your world, but that was the thing about worlds, they’d normally bring along a little something else with them that you might not notice until it’s too late.

For you, that something would be the very thing that brought you together. Moonlight was great - you knew that - and she had no intentions of ever dating Sugawara - or trying to steal him from you. But when they interacted, you couldn’t help but feel inferior. Like you were the third wheel in their world. Like they had a bond that you could never be a part of.

“Are you sure nothing ever happened between you and her?” You’d tease, trying to keep the air lighthearted as he looked at her with a content sigh - his expression switched to that of disgust, and you knew your fears were unwarranted.

Honestly, you don’t really know what you were expecting, you knew they were close when you started dating him. Yet you couldn’t stop the sickening feeling of jealousy twisting your stomach, making your skin crawl. Those feelings only got worse when they’d laugh together about something that happened so many years ago. Moonlight was snorting, clutching her stomach like her life depended on it.

It only made it harder when she depended on him. You knew why - she just simply didn’t have anyone else other than Suga - and you didn’t mind, not at first, not until he’d answer her calls in the middle of your date and leave you wishing you’d never texted him that evening after Moonlight had given you his number. Wishing you’d never met him. Wishing it was just as easy as giving up.

And the more you looked at her, the more you knew you could never compare. Though she looks slightly older for her age, slightly more tired, the beauty she radiates is far more than you have. Her laugh is so contagious; humour perfectly matching his in every way that yours can’t.

You speculated that it was because they’d been together so long - that thought would be correct - but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be close to him. You wanted what they had. How were you meant to do that?

And so what if you end up reading more into their relationship than you should, a little jealousy is healthy, right? Watching the way they interact and wishing it was you is normal, right? Begging that she’d find someone more captivating and leave him alone for good isn’t a horrible idea, right? That you’d finally get to have some time with him and not feel alone. God, that would be nice.

You resist the urge to cry as she leans into him while they exchange their laughter; Suga glances at you and you offer him a smile. Sure, it was nice they’d invite you on their weekly excursions (you’d pretend that the fact you got a bi-weekly date didn’t affect you), but you were like an awkward piece to the puzzle. You fit, but something was missing.

Or maybe you didn’t fit as much as you thought you did.

----

So maybe you invited her to a night out, just the two of you.

And maybe you started drinking just a little more than you normally would because you were nervous.

And maybe you ended up getting into an argument with her that went something along the lines of you telling her that you hate her because she is always with Suga. And her telling you… something?

Once again, these were all just maybe’s, you couldn’t remember what happened last night at all. Not with the pounding in your head. You felt light and heavy at the same time, and the water Suga kept offering you wasn’t doing you any good.

He ran his hands through your hair and looked down at you sadly as you mumbled into your pillow.

You really wish you could remember what you’d said last night (at least, not exactly). The only thing you can visibly remember was the sickening look of sorrow in her eyes. A look you recognised from some time after she’d ended things with her ex; had your words really hurt her that much? You doubted it, she was probably just putting on some sort of act to try and make you feel bad. You couldn’t feel bad.

Maybe you should have felt bad because Suga kept looking at his phone with worried eyes. Normally, she would have been messaging him so much, checking up on you and making sure that you hadn’t died in the night. Today: nothing.

You wanted to tell him that she’d message soon, but you weren’t sure. “How are you feeling?” He asks, putting his phone to one side and gently cupping your cheek.

“Like shit.” You mumble, nuzzling closer into his warmth, tossing an arm over his body. Suga lets out a soft chuckle as you smile. “How’s Moonlight?” You ask, but it’s half-hearted and you don’t know why.

“I’m sure she’s fine.” He assures you, but there’s hesitation in his voice and it makes your stomach sink. “Did something happen last night?” You can feel his eyes on you, trying to work out why she wasn’t checking up on you. If only you remembered.

“I don’t know.” You admit even though you are aware of something happening. “I can’t really remember anything.” You say. His face shifts, but he looks away before you can fully understand the expression. God, if only there were an easy answer for everything.

That night you manage to distract him from his sadness with snacks and a movie.

If only snacks and a movie could fix everything.

----

It isn’t until he comes home late from work a week later, crying and completely drenched head to toe that you understand something is not right. Something more not right than what you thought.

He tries to avoid your hugs, but gives in and eventually melts into you. He grips the back of your shirt tightly, like he’d fall apart if he let go. Like he’d fall apart if you let him go.

You choose not to care about the fact his tears are soaking through your shirt, or that he’s created a wet spot on the carpet from his drenched clothes, or the light pain as he holds you closer. Right now, he needs you.

It takes some time, but you manage to get it out of him; he’d gone to visit Moonlight after he’d finished work to try and see what was up with her (because she’d stopped calling and messaging him entirely). Apparently, she hadn’t even let him in the door, refused to talk to him about the problem - because you were the problem - and told him to leave her alone.

Even as he tried to get her to open up and talk about it she just refused. Of course, the conversation lasted longer than he thought, but only because Kado and Joji had forced the man inside. Moonlight tried to tell them no, but they weren’t listening to a thing she said (though that wasn’t exactly a new situation).

You tried not to think about how this was most definitely your fault. The fact that his current problems were because of you.

God, you should have just sucked it up, dealt with it. She made him happy - but not as happy as you - she hadn’t done anything wrong. And yet… you were jealous. Why?

Thinking about it made your head hurt, so you focused on rubbing slow circles on his back, humming a soft tune to try and distract both of you from the thoughts that wracked your brain. Maybe it all hurt more because Suga had always been so much stronger than anyone you’d known, and yet, here he was, broken in your arms.

You helped him strip off his clothes, saying, “you wouldn’t want to catch a cold, would you?” And he agreed, letting you whisk him upstairs, running him a bath. His eyes were dull as he looked to the side, barely keeping up any conversation with you.

It hurt. More than you ever thought it would.

----

You really regretted ever thinking that things would be better if Moonlight wasn’t here. If she’d left your life.

The moment she’d left, she seemed to take a part of Suga with her; sure, he was still Suga, he’d tease and and make fun, and you’d end up in laughing fits, but there was something missing in how he works.

You’d watch his eyes light up when his phone buzzed, only to die immediately.

You winced inside with each night that he’d ask you if you’d heard something, anything, because he was worried.

It was like something inside of Suga was programmed to protect Moonlight, but he would never tell you why. Like it was some sort of trade secret between the two of them. Another thing you’d never get a chance to be a part of.

Things became just a little harder after she’d stopped visiting the café. It was abrupt. After almost four years of knowing each other, it was over. She’d taken herself out of your life as well as Suga’s. Did you even have any right to be upset with her?

No.

Every time you watched him jump at the sound of the door, you knew it was your fault, because the disappointment that would follow was more than enough to break your heart a thousand times over. Maybe even more. Definitely more.

You wished you could make this pain go away, you just didn't know how to. If Moonlight was in the picture, then it might end up destroying your relationship with Suga; but if she wasn’t in the picture, then Suga was… well, he was depressed.

He’d smile at you weakly from his end of the couch before he looked away, eyes void of emotion.

You ran your hands through your hair, sighing to yourself as you poured the coffee for a customer, feigning a smile.

----

You wished things weren’t like this.

You wished feelings weren’t messy.

You wished that you knew how to make things better.

Even when Suga told you he’d be okay, you couldn’t help but not believe him.

You bit back the tears in front of him, gave him the sweet kisses that he needed at the moment; when you were alone, it was a different story. You could only feel guilt.

God, you felt stupid. Time didn’t make things better, they made things so much more worse. A few months had passed since your maybe-argument with Moonlight and nothing had changed (though Suga did cling to you considerably more now).

When you were at work one weekend, Suga had found an old box of memories from his high school years. You returned just in time, catching him holding onto an old picture of the third years from his volleyball club.

“What’s that?” You called out from the door frame. He looked up at you, a little surprised, but his face softened and he motioned for you to join him. You did, not even hesitating.

“I found this box,” you glanced around as he explained, humming a little at the small memories that were spread across the floor, “and this is a picture from our last year in high school.” He passed you the picture.

There were two faces you didn’t recognise (another face you knew to be Azumane Asahi. You’d only met him once or twice, but he was very nice - though rather timid).

One belonged to a girl with black hair and glasses, a small smile on her lips, but her eyes were shining with such joy in this moment.

The other face was a boy. He had short brown hair and the most charming smile you’d ever seen. Stood just a little in front of this boy was Moonlight, looking barely younger than she did now, but her eyes were glowing with so much happiness. Next to her was Suga, so relaxed and awash with content that it was almost strange.

“Is that Moonlight?” You asked, checking your facts.

“Yep,” Suga nodded, looking at her with a sigh.

“I didn’t know she was part of the volleyball team…” you hummed, resting your head on his shoulder.

You can’t see his face, but his tone of voice is enough to tell you what you need to know. “She wasn’t.” A question lingers on the tip of your tongue; you don’t need to ask it, he’s already explaining, “she, um…” he pointed to the boy with the short brown hair. “This is Sawamura Daichi, he was… her boyfriend.”

“Oh…” you were smart enough to fill in some gaps, but Moonlight had never told you what had actually happened between them.

“You know,” Suga sniffed, starting to pack away the things back into the box, “I know things get hard sometimes. And that I’m really close to Moonlight, but I hope you know you never had anything to worry about. I knew that girl for almost six years. I’ve seen her at her worst, never at her best though.” You nod, not really sure how to respond. “Before I met you, we were the only people who really understood each other; I’m in love with you, though.”

You feel your heart warm at the sound of that; yet something in his eyes kept you from feeling so elated.

“You’re my everything, but…” he paused. Of all places to pause, he paused there. And why?

You knew why.

Like how every world needed a sun, Suga needed you. You provided him warmth; helped him to thrive; you brought light into his life that he could never describe. But worlds need more than just a sun to thrive. Worlds need moons to hold back the tides; to light up the darkness; to reflect your love further and deeper.

And right now, your world needed his moon.

--------

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@pies-writes-and-more @satan-ruler-of-hells @dekuspet @samkysnks @tobi-momo @kaleidoscopekai @elektrosonix @realcube

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@dekuspet @pies-writes-and-more @satan-ruler-of-hells @realcube @samkysnks

If you want to be added to the taglist, send a DM or an ask :D

#sugawara x reader #hq sugawara #haikyuu sugawara #sugawara koushi #hq fluff #hq angst #thisnoodlewrites #the.girls.touched.by.space #my writing

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years

Text

Ocean Eyes - Part 7

When we finally arrived at Sue's house Chris walked with me to the front door... i nearly tripped at one point but luckily he managed to grab my arm and keep me upright! I had whispered a quiet 'thanks' before knocking lightly on her front door. Sue opened the door ushering us inside and leading the way to the living room where i saw Mason curled up on the sofa. He was asleep but he looked white and sweaty, there was a bowl on the floor beside his head incase he was sick again.

"He hasn't been asleep long, i think he wore himself out crying"

"Chris can you get Mason please? I can't carry him like this...."

"Yeah sure, i got him" he quickly moved forward and scooped Mason up into him arms.

"Mama...." Mason moaned looking around for me.

"Im right here baby, your dads gonna carry you out to the car".

"God you weren't kidding bout that fever" Chris added looking down at Mason in concern.

"Im gonna get him home, thanks for watching him Sue"

"Sure thing hon, hope he feels better soon. Here, take the bowl incase he gets sick on the drive home" she smiled passing me the plastic bowl that had been next to Mason.

The drive home i had Mason cradled against me as he slept, the seat belt going around the both of us being as we had no car seat in Chris's car!!

God i felt like a crappy mom tonight!

When we got home i sat with Mason on the sofa and stripped him down to his underwear to try and cool him down.

"Chris could you get me a cold washcloth please, there should be some in the pile of laundry on the table"

"Sure" he rushed off to grab the cloth, Mason was just laying against my chest, whimpering slightly.

"Here you go" Chris passed me the cloth and sat beside us "i got him some water too, he should be drinking plenty of fluids"

"Thanks" i smiled before folding the cloth and laying it over Mason's forehead. He moaned at the coldness but soon settled again clinging onto me, it didn't take long until he was asleep. I sighed in relief and carefully moved forward in my seat so i could lay him down.... i was desperate for the bathroom!! Mason stirred and held on tighter, for such a little thing he had a grip on him.

"Can you try taking him i really need to pee!" I looked at Chris with desperate eyes. He chuckled and managed to pry Mason off of me and into his arms.

While i was in the bathroom i wiped off my make up and tied my hair up before getting changed into my pyjama's.... it was gonna be a long night. Once i was done i headed to the kitchen and made coffee, hopefully it would help sober me up a bit more.

"Ah fuck!" I cursed as i sloshed the coffee onto the floor while making my way back to the living room "i made coffee, you might still have some left if you're lucky"

"Thanks" Chris looked up and smiled, i didn't miss the way he looked me up and down either.

"Does he still feel hot? If his temperature doesn't start to go down soon we'll have to try a lukewarm bath maybe give him some Tylenol...."

"Yeah his still hot, but it doesn't seem to be getting worse"

"This is so unlike him, Mason never gets sick. I can literally count on one hand the amount of times his been sick" i shook my head "i'm so close to freaking out right now you have no idea...."

"Calm down sweetheart, he'll be fine"

"Thank you for staying with us, i probably would've been calling my mom in hysterics if you hadn't been here"

"There's no where else id rather be" he said looking down at Mason lovingly.

"Right.... i should probably text Scott let him know we're home" i got up to grab my phone from my purse and started a text to Scott. We had dropped him at his place on the way to collect Mason.

There was a message from Derek on my phone too which i quickly skimmed, he was saying how much he enjoyed meeting me and wanted to know if i wanted to get dinner with him sometime!! I decided i'd reply to him in the morning and put my phone on the table, Mason was the only thing i could deal with right now.

I applied a fresh cloth to Masons forehead and checked his temperature, slowly but surely it was going down. I sat beside him and Chris on the sofa and sighed in relief.

"Looks like his fever is easing off finally" i said yawning and letting my head fall back against the sofa, we'd been up for hours now keeping watch on Mason.

"Yeah, thank god" Chris mumbled as he carefully tried to move Mason in his arms.

"You want me to take him?"

"No no, i'm good, my arm has fallen asleep is all" he smiled.

"You sure? i don't mind...."

"We're all good".

We sat in silence with the TV on low for some background noise and i couldn't help but look at Chris and how natural he was at being a dad.

"You should get some sleep, you look exhausted" Chris suddenly said interrupting my internal thoughts!

"You trying to tell me i look like shit Chris?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him.

"What?? No!! I didn't mean that..."

"Im fucking with you relax" i chuckled shaking my head.

"You looked beautiful tonight" i heard him say quietly, maybe i wasn't supposed to hear him but i did.

"Its amazing what you can do with some make up and clothes that aren't sweats and t-shirts"

"You look beautiful without make up even wearing your sweats and a t-shirt, i just meant that you looked good. I personally prefer this version of you"

"Haha, now i know your just trying to make me feel better....i'm a mess!"

"Prettiest girl i know" he said giving me that smirk of his.... my god damn weakness!!

"Are you just saying this because you think i'm drunk and wont remember?? Because i'll have you know i have mostly sobered up by this point"

"Im well aware, i just..... never mind. You should try and get some sleep".

I nodded agreeing with him, the conversation was about to turn awkward and i wasn't ready for that!

"Wake me up if Mason needs me...?"

"Of course".

When i woke up again i had somehow ended up cuddled up against Chris! He had his arm around me, my head resting on his chest, Mason still sleeping on his other side. To anyone who saw us and didn't know better we looked like the perfect little family. I felt myself start to panic..... i shouldn't have let myself get this close to him! It was too easy to fall back into that comfortable routine we always had..... but we didn't have that anymore, at least i didn't think we did. I carefully eased away from him making sure he was still sleeping and made a quick exit to the kitchen, he didn't need to know about this!

As i started making some coffee and toast i heard the soft voice of my baby boy. As i stuck my head round the door i saw he was sitting up talking with Chris, he looked so much better this morning thank god.

"Where's mom?" I heard him ask and i stepped into the living room giving him a smile.

"Im right here bud, how you feeling?" I asked as i sat in front of them on the coffee table, i reached over to hold the back of my hand against his forehead "looks like your fever is almost gone"

"Im hungry"

"I bet! But its dry toast for you buddy. You've gotta go easy for a little while.... are you still feeling sick?"

"No, not anymore"

"Okay thats good!".

"Dad are you staying for breakfast?" Mason asked.

"Um...."

"Pleaseeee" Mason begged looking at him with those eyes that were exactly like his dads, Chris looked at me waiting for my say so.

"Its fine with me, if you have time..."

"I do! Yeah of course!" He said quickly nodding his head with a huge smile.

After we had all eaten Chris took Mason for his bath after Mason insisted he go with his dad. While they were gone i sent a text to Scott with an update and saw a missed call from Hannah, i sat at the kitchen table and quickly called her back.

"Hey! Hows Mace?? My mom said you had to come get him last night"

"Yeah it was eventful, he had a fever and was being sick" i sighed "Chris stayed to help out with Mason... i had had so much to drink Han"

"You let him stay..."

"To help with Mason yeah"

"Hmmm of you say so" she laughed

"Shut up, what happened to you last night, huh?? You disappeared with Troy"

"I know, im sorry but did you see him?? I knew you were okay with Scott. So what about you and Derek?? He seemed very interested"

"He was nice" i nodded "he texted me last night but i haven't had a chance to reply yet"

"But your gonna right??"

"Yeah...."

"Y/N text him back!! That man was gorgeous!!"

"I will"

"Don't make me come round there"

"Oh god Han, your so pushy" i laughed.

"Only because i love you"

"I love you too, i gotta go though i'll speak to you later".

When i walked into the living room Mason was sat on the sofa watching cartoons and Chris was gathering his things.

"Your leaving already?"

"Yeah i've got a meeting at 11:00am..."

"Okay, well thanks for last night"

"Sure, anytime" he smiled "hey, i was wondering if next weekend i could take Mason to meet my mom? She's been asking when she can meet him...."

"Um.... yeah sure"

"You can come too if you want? I know my mom would be happy to see you" he said with a smile.

"Okay" i nodded "it'll just be us though right? I don't want Mason getting overwhelmed with too many new people"

"Yeah of course, maybe Scott too if he finds out you know what his like"

"Thats fine" i nodded with a smile knowing exactly what Scott was like.

"Thank you, i should go.... can i come by later though? Id like to check in on Mason"

"Sure, i'm sure he'd like that"

"I'll see you later then" he smiled before heading over to Mason "bye buddy i gotta go to work for a bit but i'll come see you later"

"Okay, bye dad".

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina @mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie @christocrave

#chris evans #chris x reader #chris evans x reader #reader insert #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #ocean eyes

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imaginesandideas · 5 years

Note

Hii so I saw you were taking requests so I thought of requesting something it crossed my mind the other day, can you please do a Ben x Reader where the Reader is also a actress/singer and they date but Ben was away because of work so they haven't seen each other in like 2 months, so when the reader starts to get very close to her best friend/co-star he starts to get insecure because of what gwil or joe once told him about "The ones who doesn't make themself present aren't needed" ? Thank you!

I’m so so so so so sorry for coming with this only now, but I hope it’s worth the wait! ❣️🙌

I changed the request a bit, but the main idea remains.

Missing you

you two meet during some audition

it went bad, oh so bad

you were still relatively new to this business, so your stress wasn’t helpful either

you were paired for a improvised scene and the thought itself had you biting your bottom lip in attempt to calm your nerves

the man was breathtaking to look at, not to mention that he seemed just as stressed as you

that is, until he looked at you

his attitude mellowed and soon you two chatted loosely, forgetting about your audition completely

by the time you were supposed to start your line, you were totally messed up by Ben’s 3rd or 4th petty joke

“Hey, hey. You know how can you tell when a plane is full of actors?”

you try to stifle another wave of giggles as your mind already imagines the answer

“Uhm, no?”

“When the engine stops but the whining continues.”

Ben can’t help but laugh as you snort, hiding behind the script in your hands

it’s at that moment that he knows that no matter how much you two are about to ruin this audition, he has to get your number

and then ask on a date

and several other dates

and then ask you to move in with him after few more months as you lay tangled in duvets one day

many auditions later, you’ve gotten used to having to race constantly between sets

many times you ended up going straight from the airport to Ben’s set, just to see him before you’d have to return for additional shots

he’d do the same thing for you

if one of you doesn’t not have any upcoming projects, you’d join the other on set

you two would spend every spare moment talking plans, practicing lines, cuddling, making out

making up for all of the lost time

sometimes you’d join Ben on occasional hangouts with his co-stars, some of them quickly becoming your friends too

when you met Joe you two clicked momentarily

it was easy since you shared similar sense of humour

Ben loves watching your interactions and reading the inside jokes you’d exchange every minute

after all you and Joe are his favourite people on the whole world

“Alright, maybe I’ll just leave you guys since I’m clearly not needed here?”

“Oh Benny. Jealous cause I get along with your girl better than you do?”

“Yeah but guess who’s taking her home smartass.”

“I can be very convincing, right _____?”

“Oh I don’t know Ben, America seems nice...“

“That’s it, we’re going home!”

over time it became harder for you to see each other for longer than just a few weeks

there were times where you’d barely exchange few hurried kisses before you had to be off to some party, despite just coming back from long weeks of shooting

he wasn’t mad, not a bit

all of all the people you knew, both your family and friends, he’s the only one who actually understands the scenario your life revolves around

it’s only on lazy days, when he’s not making a film, or when he’s finally alone in his trailer when it dawns to him how much he misses you

he misses how your eyes lit up when you’re telling him about your day

or how you laugh when he’s telling you about his own

so when one time he’s back home from filming much sooner than you, he’s missing you more than ever

daily calling and FaceTiming don’t help much, because you haven’t been around each other for two months now

“Baby I miss you so fucking much.”

“Ben, baby... You know I’d be there in a heartbeat if I could.” you can hear him exhale on the other end. Rubbing his thigh, he continues.

“Y’know... I could always fly myself up there.”

“Honey...”

“I’d be useful! I could rub your shoulders? I bet you’re bloody tense after all those reshoots.” you sigh into the phone, because he has a point, again “And then, I could edge you off some more...”

“Christ, Ben! Don’t get me all flustered when I need to be back in front of the camera in 3 minutes.” you hear him chuckle and smile creeps on your own face too.

“Love you.”

“And I love you too blondie.”

over weeks you stopped calling as often, only texted him from time to time

but he knows it’s not your wish but the circumstances obligating you to set your work first

luckily Joe had a visit planned out, so you know Ben is in good hands

you realise how good ones, after you check your notifications the next day, and find loads of sweet declarations of love

but like, in every app you two have accounts on

and they’re all full of misspellings, but your heart immediately melts

you also get some videos

but it’s mainly Joe recording as Ben is doing a semi-coherent monologue about how much he misses you, or generally Joe and Ben singing some serenades

most likely Love Of My Life or Somebody To Love

you’re having fun with your co-stars too, often ending the day with a drink or two at a nearby bar

you realize something’s off because Ben’s messages are more distant

even when you talk on FaceTime he seems more tense

you’re just hoping it’ll change once you’re back home in his arms

but when you see him, he seems upset by something you can’t quite put into words

of course he’s all smiles when he holds you at the airport, covering your entire face with loving kisses and holding you so tight against him as if you could disappear any second

he says it’s the stress, but deep down you know it’s more complicated than that

you don’t continue the conversation and wrap the day up with Italian takeaway on the couch as you show him pictures from the set and sightseeings

mouth filled with pasta, you explain every photo, especially if there’s a fun story behind it

but he’s not remarkably invested in the slideshow

his eyes almost always dart to you and how corners of your lips ride up at the hilarity of clips

it’s the next morning that he finally lets it all out

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking pathetic.”

He nearly breathes it and it takes your sleepy head a moment to catch what he meant. You frown and turn around to face him. The warmth of your bodies tangled in sheets makes it incredibly hard to start such conversations so early.

“What do you mean Ben? I never said-“

“_____ I know, it’s just... you’re out there, having fun, making friends. And I’m not there. And I feel left out, which is fucking silly because you could say the same thing when I’m gone but-“

You place a finger on his plump, trembling lips.

“Are you seriously jealous?”

He lets out a sigh, eyes locked with yours, though he’s desperately trying to avoid you seeing through him. But it’s too late and you’re already placing a hand on his cheek, thumb caressing his cheekbone. “Ben I love you. Why would you feel like there’s a reason for you to be jealous?”

His gaze lingers lower, to your neck and he’s trying to own up to the thoughts he’s been having. His fingers are gentle, unsure even, as if the bond you’ve built has suddenly became fragile like glass.

„I saw the pictures with that guy you’ve posted while Joe was still here, and I thought that you don’t need me. Cause I’m always away, and when I’m not there’s always something else going on anyway, and ugh... ‘The ones who doesn't make themself present aren't needed’ and all that shit.”

“Who told you that?” he’s rubbing his neck now, a nervous habit of his.

“Uhm, J-Joe?”

“Oh come on! He’s such a dumbass for making you think like this! Oh my god, I’m gonna call him right now!”

At an instant you’re pulling off the sheets to reach for the phone on your nightstand, but he’s quick to catch you by your waist to draw you closer to him.

“Oh fuck Joe, it’s not about him. I just...” he sighs again.

“He’s making you think that I’d dump you for people I barely met.” You look into his baby-blues again, sure to drown in their depth any second. He’s clearly apologetic but you can still see the glimpse of insecurity in his gaze. You place a gentle kiss on his lips. “That’s just fucking stupid. I love you like crazy Ben, and there’s no other person I’d rather spend my time with.”

You let your fingers trace over his exposed collarbone and up to his jaw. “Sometimes I hang out with others of course, but that won’t change anything between us. Cause we’re stuck together. I want to be stuck with you till my bones grow old.” you exclaim sweetly enough to make his whole expression soften. You leave a trail of kisses on his cheeks, jawline, one on the nose and forehead.

“Marry me.” you abruptly stop.

“W-what?”

“Marry me _____. Not now, not tomorrow, but let me love you forever” a kiss “and ever” another one “and ever.” You breathe out and return the kiss, only intensifying it, almost losing yourself in his warmth.

You pull away, vision a but blurry and lips pink and swollen. His entire face is glowing, redness taking over his features. You can feel how his heart sped up, just in time with yours.

“Only if I can return the favour.” you cuddle into his side and he wraps you in his arms and kisses the top of your head.

“Any day doll, any day.”

“But I’m gonna kick Joe’s american ass anyway!”

“No doubt about that.”

~~~~~

Ooof, that went further than I planned , but I regret nothing

Comments, ideas and words of notice are always appreciated 💜

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