being a fic writer can be hard because sometimes you’ll get a random scene in your head and be like “oh this is neat! can i get some context?” and the characters go “lol no, figure it out” and so you need to shake your own brain like it’s a piggy bank like come on, there’s gotta be some more quarters in here . . .

YALL!! I WAS ACCEPTED INTO MY MASTERS PROGRAM!

Hi I’m officially back and I’m going to write Some new material soon hope you like it :))) I missed everyone on here and I miss writing about my favs !!!! Also this show is my favorite please send it stuff and I will try my best to write it !!!! 🩷🩷🩷

was originally starsyoubreaklikesugardust, seeking refuge.

caroline, in my 20s. fanfic writer (mostly for hasan,ludwig, charlie/slimecicle) lots of shit posting ahead. unfortunately a chronic mobile user, and also stupid with technology so no fancy anything here

i’ll tag fics as #carolinewrites master post here.

💫be nice or leave 💫

hasan masterlist x

wcbah masterlist x

charlie slimecicle masterlist x

fic recs x

pyramid game is such a perfect little drama for the sapphics because you've got a whole demented psychological thriller going on about high school girls creating a whole fake social class system that results because one bored little princess bitch thought it'd be funny, and you've got all these dynamics that can only be boiled down to some kind of love story because like. ye lim and eun jeong's dynamic? the princess idol and her athlete bodyguard. soo ji and ja eun's dynamic? the cold mastermind and the compassionate heart. even whatever da yeon and seol ha have got going on? typical hitter and loyal dog dynamic. the list can go on.

insane to me that if harvey had been even an iota less insane, he probably could have gotten mike to be a lawyer the more normal way. i mean, man is a big shot attorney who graduated fifth in his class at harvard law school and probably has a gazillion connections and he absolutely could have just gotten mike into harvard law school (and talked harvard people into looking the other way about how he got kicked out of college . . . worse people have gone to law school tbh), and then harvey could have just negotiated with jessica about not having a personal associate for another three years or just have had mike become a summer associate or something and then hire mike onto pearson hardman, but noOOoOoOoOOoOOO, harvey was so impatient to get his hands on mike that he had to go through this whole fraud thing. gay behavior

not to sound like a broken record, but every once in a while i just remember that beyond evil really said that a strained relationship between a parent and child does not necessarily have to be straightforward, in that han joo won clearly despises his father (you sent me away, you’re the reason my mom’s dead, you were never interested in who i was until it was relevant to your career) and yet joo won still has a room in his father’s house (even though you locked me out without a warning) and they still eat dinner (even though you shoo me away when i tried to approach you) and joo won even still gives his father a dozen chances to prove that he’s not an awful person (just tell me the truth, just tell me the truth, and i promise i’ll help you) and even in the finale, you see a bit of that anger and disappointment and pain in joo won’s face and hm something about beyond evil saying that the relationships between parents and child are complex in that no matter how many times a parent kicks at their child, there will always be a tiny, tiny part of the child that still wonders if there’s even a sliver of a chance of a functional relationship--

and you see a bit of that in jeong je and his relationship with his mom too, in that his mother almost obsessively looks after him. she hovers over him, keeping track of his medication and sending him away to hospitals (is it out of love or self-preservation or shame? or maybe it’s all of those things at the same time), and she decides that she’ll protect her son first and foremost, but then the second it’s convenient for her, she tells him that she’ll throw him away. (she doesn’t want to be called “mom” anymore. maybe it’s true that she was only a mom, but isn’t that what every kid wants from a parent. for their parent to be their parent first.) and yet, despite that monstrous moment, do hae won still has a whole breakdown when she realizes that jeong je might truly kill himself, and there’s something pathetic about that (if you truly cared about your child, you would have known the kind of hell you were putting them through) and yet a little tragic too (how come it had to take you that long to realize your child was in hell).

and you see some strains of that with dong sik and jae yi, in that both of them had such beautiful relationships with their parents, and yet there’s something in both their relationships that broke that down. for jae yi, she loves her mother but there’s a small part of her that resents her for suddenly going missing--as soon as you come back home, i’m going to walk out of this shop and never come back. and yet she loves her mother, even with all that resentment and hurt and confusion within her, even before she learns of the truth. (she’s the one who runs over to the morgue every time a new body’s found. she’s the one pestering morticians and prosecutors about where her mother might be. she does this every year, even though she’s angry, deep down she’s angry.)

and then with dong sik, who has so many fond memories of his parents--you see that grief and sadness on his face when he talks about how just overnight, his father was no longer his best friend. dong sik left so quickly after the accusations against him because how could he stay, when his own parents either can’t look at him in the eye or look right through him? and there’s some bitterness there too--and even more bitterness when dong sik visits his mom, scoffing at the idea of being a good son (because he’s not a good son, he’s the son who ran away from home the second he thought he no longer had a home, he cleans his mom’s hands a little too roughly because he doesn’t do that often anymore). of course, dong sik loves his parents, of course, dong sik loves his mom, because he still talks to her (even if she can’t understand him), but there’s that grief underlying it all too. his mom isn’t herself anymore, and dong sik might not get that back, and maybe he’s bitter more at himself than he is at his parents, but at least there’s something there for him to hold onto, at least at the end of it all. and maybe that’s kind of all that someone can do when they haven’t always had the easiest relationship with a parent--the good parts are good, but the bad parts are bad, and maybe that’s as much as anyone gets.

i love leverage bc it’s so. crossoversble? you think of the story, i can tell you that there’s a team of thieves who are running a con in that ‘verse

and if there ever is a joo won-dong sik cameo in another show . . . please i just want them to be seen bickering at a grocery store but holding hands . . . i want them to be looking for houses or apartments and the protagonist is a realtor who’s like “:) oh you said your partner is coming?” and either dong sik or joo won goes “yeah! :)” and the other walks through the door or something . . . i want them to show up in another police procedural, but with dong sik having quit the police force but the protagonist is a rookie cop and suddenly dong sik is around the substation quoting an impressive amount of law (which leaves the protagonist speechless), and joo won walks in and goes “stop showing off” and dong sik just gives him a shit-eating grin or something idk! i need to know they’re happy together

season 4 of leverage is so. some of the most MOST episodes of all time. there is an office episode where the crew is literally filmed like an episode of the office. there’s an episode where a sociopathic white rich boy tortures homeless people for some college thesis project. hardison gets knocked out by sophie. “no one throws hardison off the roof except me.” archie comes back. chaos also comes back. chaos gets tasered (fuckign finally). parker makes everyone cry because she yells about wanting to do the right thing. nate and sophie think they’re being subtle about their funny friends with benefits relationship but the shenanigans happen. “YOU RECRUITED MY WIFE?” “EX-WIFE” parker reveals she has successfully kept a normal friend and everyone is so proud of her. hardison ate eliot’s fuckign sandwich. nate “i love foreplay” ford.

"harvey specter is so cool" wrong. he's actually a loser. he cries and has panic attacks at the idea of people leaving him and he has mommy issues and abandonment issues and claims he doesn't care (and winds up caring a lot). his boytoy associate gets a girlfriend and he actively glares at her like he's twelve years old or something. he won't give up on his crooked, corrupted mentor because he was my mentor he was my mentor he was my mentor. he has all these basketballs and baseballs in his office and he also boxes. he boxes. (kinda gay to box. why do u want to get in the ring with a sweaty man, harvey.) he wears a fucking vest. he wears a fucking vest. he uses fucking hair gel. hair gel. hair gel. he rent his ex's friend's mike's old apartment in the hopes that he'll finally come back. he looks like he's about to cry whenever someone mentions that mike might not be around. like come on. his middle name is fucking REGINALD

suits and leverage crossover except hardison is pretending to be a lawyer and he runs into mike ross and he immediately figures out mike is a fake. cue spider-man pointing meme

me, rotting in my bedroom:

kim su jin, writer of beyond evil: no person is an island and you can't live your life pretending you're better off on your own. yes, your life can be full of tragedy and yes, sometimes the same bad things repeat themselves, but you don't have to go through it alone. stop sitting in the dark. fix the goddamn boiler. get some fresh air. eat something. eat with your friends. life is hell, so that's why you have to live with everything you've got. stop suffering by yourself. hold hands with the person you love. why should you walk through hell alone. don't go down to hell because you think you deserve it. drag yourself out. take someone's hand. no, you won't drag them down with you. go outside. the sun is out after a long night.

me, tearing up: yeah okay

what she says: oh yeah, beyond evil is my favorite show. yeah, haha, i recommend it to just about everyone lmao

what she means: beyond evil is a revolutionary piece of work in that it’s about grief and trauma and also about queerness and mental illness and also how victim blaming is never okay, no matter the circumstances and no matter whether or not the victim was some perfect virgin mary or the whore. it’s a show that starts off spooky and horrific and then ends with nothing but love, because at the end of the day, isn’t love all we have. isn’t remembering those we’ve lost all we have. isn’t that the only way we keep them alive. and at the same time, don’t the living deserve to live too. lee dong sik lived a half-life for basically twenty years, and only when he trusted another person wholly was he able to come up and meet his real life. han joo won lived his whole life thinking that he couldn’t ever trust anyone but then he held onto dong sik’s hand and was able to actually start living his life. they’re both so mentally ill and they both get better. even after twenty years, you can heal. you can heal you can heal you can heal you can heal you can heal you can heal you can hea

sometimes you gotta skip your three hour long 5 pm class and light yourself a goddamn candle, eat a goddamn cookie, do your laundry, brush your teeth for 6 minutes, drink some water, wear your favorite hoodie, and then u might feel a little bit better. or something

writing a star wars fic for the first time in forever . . .