#which in terms of physical aggression like it's not the worst she's ever done | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

letsdiscoverkitty · 3 years

Text

Home/Family Update - May 2021

I will take this right back to when I was discharged from the Priory in December. From there I moved back home with my parents; it was a bit of a difficult transition as I didn't have any home leave in the lead up to being discharged due to COVID and my consultant wanting me to make the most of my time on the ward. Add to that my EDP going completely awol, meaning that our whole 4 week pre-discharge meetings and relapse prevention plan went out the window. So yes it was a bit of a rocky start, and that is without you factoring in COVID lockdown/Christmas.

Being discharged from an IP setting is never easy no matter who you are; changes in environment and routine can throw you off track without you even realising it and I did find myself struggling with this. I also had the difficult navigation of adapting to coming home in terms of my dad and his recovery. For those who might not know, last March my dad fell down the stairs in the middle of the night the day that my parents arrived home after a month in NZ. He suffered 3 brain bleeds (a subdural, an extradural and a subarachnoid), multiple facial fractures and a break in his spine. That night was one of, if not THE, worst of my life. We were told that it was very likely that he would not survive and that if he did he would be in a vegetated state or not able to take care of himself...we were told to prepare for the worst. By some MIRACLE he defied all the odds and at the age of 74 after spending 11 or so days on the ICU, a further 2 weeks on a trauma ward and then another 3 months in a neuro rehab, he was discharged home and is now, a year on from the accident, completely independent, no sign of further brain bleeds and is actually much fitter than he has been for, well, 50 years! Honestly, we never expected anything like this sort of recovery and from an outside perspective he is doing perfectly. However, there are things that will never be the same again and I don't think it is until you are with someone 24/7 that you are able to tell. He has changed quite a bit as a person; in some ways this is a good thing but in other ways it is not so. He cannot deal with changes in environment or routine; even things like having the bread on the side instead of in the bread bin completely throws him off and he doesn't even register that the bread is there. He gets very easily agitated, can be extremely rude and a little aggressive. Now some of this was already there (a lot of it was) but it has become more acutely obvious since the head injury. I have SO much respect and love for my mum - I really dont know how she has held herself up over the past 2 years, as well as helping dad when he was initially transitioning home (I was still in hospital but it sounded like he needed a lot of help for the first few months - which I only saw an inch of when they were able to visit me in hospital (he used to wander off and didn't know where he was etc. which is thankfully no longer and issue!)).

This is hard for me to say but I will admit that I have struggled more than I thought I would with being around him; in short I pretty much went through the whole mourning process whilst I was in hospital as the last time i saw him on the trauma ward before they stopped all visits and before I was admitted, he didn't know who I was...He thought he lived in another country and was telling me all sorts of stories that were fabricated, before telling me that he needed to go and pick up the mercedes and drive to sainsburys to get the Gin and petrol (we don't have a mercedes and he doesn't even like gin!) Anyway, I digress. So yes, I basically mourned for someone who was still alive physically but mentally had changed as at the time I didn't know whether he would be in a vegetated state or make a good recovery. Thankfully we are on the good side and he is doing so incredibly well but the bottom line is that he is different and living with him, at the age of 26, is HARD. We have good days and bad days (as any young adult who lives with their parents does) and there are many many days that I wish I wasn't living at home but I do my best to hold myself together during those times, especially for my mum because she, I tell you, is absolutely incredible. How she has put up with him for so long I honestly do not know!

Talking of mum, I would say that since the whole accident with dad, we have become a LOT closer. We really had to lean on each other over that month; we were driving down to Brighton every single day to see dad on the ICU and on the Trauma ward until we were stopped from visiting - it was mentally and physically exhausting for the both of us, especially as we were still barely processing the trauma and struggling with flashbacks in the night. We were the first ones on the scene of the accident (if it weren't for mum's medical training, dad would not be alive today). Of course we still have our moments but I feel like our relationship almost "levelled up and matured over the past year. We have bonded over being in nature and walking (because what else can you do when the country is in lockdown!?! but also because we have always been an "outdoors" family (well my mum, Andi and me have))- we also talk about dad and the accident quite a bit too, which has helped me beyond belief (and her too). We give each other space, and yes there are days when we dont get on but who doesn't have days when they dont?

On balance I would say that home is "okay". It is manageable. No the environment is not perfect and I do find it affects my mental health quite a bit and holds me back in some ways (I cannot wait to be able to move out one day) but I am incredibly grateful to have parents that are willing to and can afford to take me under their roof and help me out during this time.

Gosh, this has already ended up so much longer than I thought it would, I am sorry! In short: home life is okay. We are here and that is the most important thing. We saw Andi a two-ish weeks ago as we were in Cornwall for our usual time-share (we were so lucky that Boris allowed self catering two weeks before our usual time share week) - I think it was good for them to get out of their flat as I don't think they had left the small area where they live since last September when we went down to Cornwall (I was given leave for a week as it was sold to my consultant to help my dad's recovery, which is definitely did but yes we did pull the right strings to get that one!)

Anyway, I shall leave this update here and start the mammoth task of the next one. I am sorry that this is taking me so long, it's quite hard to write and think back and reflect (although actually quite helpful for me to do) so I do find that I have to come back to it a few times. Please stick with me x

-----

I forgot to add that dad had an assessment before we went away to Cornwall to see whether he can have his driving license back and (as mum and I predicted) he failed. To say that he did not take it well would be putting it lightly!!! I am actually ashamed of the way that he behaved and the things that he said/the reasons he fabricated as to why he had failed (let's just say he got sexist and rude - which I have ZERO time for and was appalled by him - I am so glad I was not with him/mum after the assessment as I would have blown my fuse at hime). He could not even entertain the idea that he had failed. He blamed everything/anything else that he could - even saying that it was the system and one of the first things he said to me was "I understand now, I've worked it out, it's the system, they aren't allowed to pass many people first time so that's it", which I just *speechless*. Mum and I have talked about it a lot and we don't think that he has ever "failed" at anything in his life. He also believes that he is 10000%. fixed and has no issues or problems and doesn't need any support or guidance. He refuses to listen to mum and I when we try to tell him about how unwell he was, he refuses to believe it and won't take it. One thing that mum and I are very glad of is that all of this driving stuff is OUTSIDE of the family. He can't put it on us. It is coming from an external place and we can support him if he lets us but that is his decision as to whether he lets us or not. He has never been a good patient; and he also won't take any advice (in anything) from mum or let her be right about something either, which is just sad, really sad. This is not a new thing, it has always been this way. And the more I reflect on our family/have reflected over the past year with dad in hospital, the more I see that I don't like. The way dad has behaved and treated mum, how he was always missing in my childhood, how alcohol always came above family, how old fashioned and unwilling to learn he is, how distant and uninterested he was, how he never says please or thank you, never asks how anyone is and refuses to talk about mental health (yep, despite so much going on in our family with mental illnesses, he refuses to talk about it and won't even ask "how are you?" or offer support etc)...I don't mean to be so negative about him, I really don't. I love him, he is my dad, but there is a lot of healing that needs to be done, and it is going to take time.

#personal #update

20 notes · View notes

zodiactalks · 3 years

Text

Understanding Taurus Woman

Taurus women are known for their practicality as well as their hedonism. This earth sign, like her earth ruled sisters is grounded, stoic and practical. The bull in her makes her rather headstrong and stubborn when she wants to be.

She is gentle and loving but don’t be fooled into thinking that she cannot stand up for herself when need be. There are many sides to the Taurus woman. Watch on to discover them.

In this video, we will talk about personality traits, likes/dislikes, love, relationships, career, money, friendships, fashion, style and a lot more of Taurus Woman.

Personality traits of Taurus Woman

#1. Resilient

Give a Taurus woman a task and be sure it will be done regardless of the difficulties unique to the task at hand. She does not know how to give up especially of she feels strongly about something. She will change tactics for as many times as it is required in order to achieve the desired goal.

#2. Materialistic

Taurus women have a taste for the finer things in life. They want to own the best there is. How else do you expect them to be comfortable and confident in life? When it comes to gifting a Taurus woman, only the very best is acceptable.

#3. Relaxed

It is not uncommon to catch a Taurus woman completely lost in her own world. As long as she has her life’s pleasures, the rest is simply noise. They have the ability to go undisturbed by pretty much anything.

This can be rather frustrating for those around them as these lovely ladies seem not to pay attention to anything anyone else says or does.

#4. Analytical

Before a Taurus woman does anything, she will first take time to ruminate over it. She needs to have a clear perspective of everything and everyone before engaging with the outside world.

#5. Stubborn

Once her mind is made up about something or someone there is no changing it. Given the amount of time that she dedicates to studying and analysing her surroundings it is almost impossible to get her to change her mind about an opinion on any given subject matter.

#6. Patient

A Taurus woman is almost always in no hurry to get anywhere or do anything. She is also not in a hurry to jump into conclusions about anything. Her analytical nature gives her an aura of patience.

She takes to understand before passing judgement. If a Taurus woman gives up on you then you have REALLY stepped on her toes.

Likes & Dislikes of Taurus Woman

A Taurus woman’s idea of a good time almost always involves good food and good drinks. There is nothing she won’t try out as far as food goes. How else is she supposed to know whether she like it or not?

She loves environments or situations that cause her to relax and simply be zen. Rarely will you find her in an upbeat environment full of pomp and flair.

For her to be really comfortable, she needs to know that which is around her, physical or otherwise, will still be there even after a decade. She loves all things beauty and loves to create harmony in her life and her surroundings.

Due to her generally calm nature, the Taurus woman does not do well with aggressiveness towards her. Demand that she change her stance on a given topic without giving her enough time to weigh the pros and cons of doing so will unleash her wrath. Trust me, the anger of a Taurus woman is not a sight to behold.

Taurus Woman in Love & Relationships

A Taurus woman in love is a patient and loving individual. Her patience is evident in this aspect of her life as it is in other parts. She takes her time to get to know her partner and weigh the pros and cons of being in a relationship before falling madly in love with them. Love is a logical decision for her.

Once she is done contemplating her options and decides to give her heart to someone, their partner receives love and attention with an intensity unmatched. She is patient with people especially those that she holds dear to her.

However, don’t take her patience for complacency. If you push her limits beyond the point of no return, then the bull in her is bound to unleash its wrath upon you.

A Taurus woman will blossom in a relationship where she is pampered and is made to feel like the queen that she is. She will go out of her way to reciprocate the love and security provided by her partner.

Taurus Woman in Career & Money

A Taurus woman is likely to thrive in careers that require patience, deal with money, and, or are of a creative nature. Due to her dominant personality traits she is ill suited for leadership roles.

For her, routine is welcome. This is because it offers her a sense of security on what her day will be like. She is well capable of starting from the lowest positions and working her way to the top slowly and patiently. She believes in steady career growth and is thus meticulous and methodical in her career decisions.

When it comes to money, a Taurus woman is highly organized. This lover of all things material values her security above all else. She never wants to be caught in a state of want.

As such she will take time to evaluate an investment opportunity and make decisions that are likely to reap her the very best benefits. If you are looking for sound advice then she is the woman for you.

Taurus Woman in Friendships

Friendships with Taurus women are some of the most solid and reliable friendships that one can ever find. Remember her love for security and dislike for change? These things resonate in the way in which she is able to maintain long-term friendships.

Take a look at your friend circle, highest chances are that your oldest friends is a Taurus. Their resilience permeates all aspects of their lives including their friendships.

While a Taurus woman will protect her friendships fiercely and remain loyal and true to her friends and see them through the worst of storms, take care not to provoke her aimlessly. Her anger is a force on its own and will destroy anyone in its wake.

Just like her possessions, quality is important. Taurus women are likely to keep very close knit circles that add value to their lives than have a whole host of friends that have little meaning in their lives.

Fashion & Style of Taurus Woman

The style and fashion choices of a Taurus woman speak to her practical and sober nature. Instead of chasing trends that are only momentary, she will go after quality that is timeless.

She loves all things beautiful and all things luxury but is not particularly moved by brand loyalty. As long as it fits well, it has made of high quality materials and has the ability to stay classy over time, then she is sold.

She is not one for the limelight and as such prefers colours that will not draw unnecessary attention to her. You are likely to spot her in outfits that favour various shades and hues of brown, cream, khaki, green, white, and ivory.

Jewellery for her is an important accessory and more so neck pieces. She has a beautiful neck and neckline. It would be an absolute waste not to highlight it with a subtle yet statement piece.

#Zodiac Talks #taurus #taurus traits #taurus zodiac #taurus zodiac sign #taurus facts #Taurus female #taurus wom #taurus girl

42 notes · View notes

hidiingplace · 3 years

Text

TODD HEADCANON + PARENTAL FIGURES.

general. Todd has a variety of parental figures in his life. Many of which are no longer in his life, but have made a huge impact on him... mostly in the worst of ways. Todd in general has a very wary relationship with parents, but he is partial to his scepticism of mothers in particular. here’s why. (PS SORRY IT’S SO LONG.)

celine. She was Todd’s adoptive mother. She began as his foster mother when he was first given up for adoption at the very young age of 18 months. before this time, Todd suffered intense neglect, but he does not know that until much later in his life when he meets his maternal grandmother. Celine took Todd in and raised him up in her house hold as a single mother. She was quite wealthy, and just before Todd’s 4th birthday, she officially adopted him before moving to Paris with him to further her career in high fashion. Despite adopting him, she never changed his last name to her own. After the adoption, Todd’s personality became far more boisterous as he became comfortable with Celine as his mother and was becoming a growing young kid. He was made of trouble, and was considered to be a very exhausting, unpredictable, volatile little kid who had terrible separation anxiety, strange eating habits, and was just over all very difficult. Celine grows angry and eventually decides that Todd is not worth the effort. Despite adopting him, she leaves Todd at the edge of a farm in the France country side when he is 6 years old. Todd has very few memories of Celine, and most are shrouded with her disappointment, annoyance, and blatant abandonment.

1st foster family. Todd’s first foster family was an okay foster home, but it wasn’t great. The family wasn’t wealthy, and were the type of people who took children in in order to collect the checks from the government. It resulted in an overcrowded, under-maintained household in which the foster mother and foster father would often express their frustration towards the children. They were known for putting locks on doors to keep children locked up and quiet, making them share clothing, making them share beds. violence between children was not uncommon in this home, and more often than not the foster father would ignore it entirely, while the foster mother seemed to try a little harder. Todd went hungry a lot, and because of his smaller size, red hair, and freckles, was often teased brutally.

2nd foster home. after his first foster-home was shut down due to complaints, Todd moved on to another foster home that appeared much better. It was. Todd had clean clothes, a nice bed to sleep on, and was well cared for by a single foster mother. She was a woman who loved her biological children and who they had turned into, and wanted to have another child around to rear. However, the older siblings were not so kind and often abused Todd. When Todd fought back and defended himself, the foster mother would always blame Todd for being the ‘bad kid’ and often disciplined him but never the older siblings. While this foster mother appeared to care deeply for Todd and provide him lots of affection and attention, it was always a double edged sword. Todd’s behaviour eventually became very aggressive when he started to try and express his frustrations without knowing how to. He would break things, throw things, have tantrums, and yell at his foster mother for being unfair. It got so bad that at only the age of 7, Todd was checked into a group home for troubled kids.

1st group home. Todd was put into this group home as the youngest kid there. The conditions weren’t great when it came to care for the children, and acted more like a prison than anything else. The rooms had locks on them, the windows had bars on them, you had scheduled play time, scheduled amounts of chores, scheduled visits with friends. It was far too much structure for a child who had never experienced stability and structure. At only 7 he wasn’t able to handle it. The group home was run by two woman who often played on this role of ‘good cop and bad cop’ with the kids. They were never consistent, and often the children had no idea when they were the good guys or the bad guys. Todd was routinely punished. While he was never physically struct in this home, he was routinely restrained, locked in his room, forced to skip meals, given extra chores, and labeled as the kid who was easy to blame when things were stolen. Todd only remains at this group home for 4 months after he lashes out violently and pushes one of his fellow group-home kids down the stairs in a fit of rage.

2nd group home. This would be Todd’s worst group home, and his last. The conditions were similar to his first group home, but it was run by a woman who was far more strict and cruel than the other group home he had been at; at least the other woman were nice sometimes. While much of the rules were the same as before, violence was used on children who wouldn’t behave properly. Yelling, screaming, emotional abuse were the most common. Threats of violence were always used before actual violence, but it wasn’t uncommon to wake up to screaming fights between the kids in the group home or even the kids and the caretaker going at it. Todd was once again labeled the violent trouble maker and the thief. He often stole food, toys, clothes. He lied a lot, and about everything. He was able to start fights between two people without even throwing a punch or getting directly involved just by manipulating people the way he had seen previous caretakers and foster-siblings do. He was aggressive with other children as well, and the fellow group home kids made jokes that Todd was going to grow up to be a murderer all the time. Todd eventually leaves this group home by slowly filing the bars off his window and slipping out in the middle of the night.

avery rebane. Todd’s biological mother is technically the first mother he ever had. She raised him until he was 18 months old before giving him up for adoption after discovering that having a child and caring for it wasn’t fun after you couldn’t use him to manipulate your family members into giving you money any more. After giving him up for adoption, Avery spends the next 17 years using and manipulating, as well as abusing her romantic partners for her own gains (including her ex, Joey Hamilton, who she kept Todd’s birth a secret from while Joey was sobering up). When Todd officially turns 18, she quickly looks him up and is able to track him down as living in Paris. With the hope of using him for money (assuming that he was still raised by someone wealthy), she flies to Paris on the credit card she stole from her mother and ‘reconnects’ with Todd. Todd is just excited to have a seemingly good parental figure in his life. Avery tells Todd that giving him up was the worst mistake of her life and that she wants to live with him here in Paris and build a relationship. She manipulates Todd so friecely and with such boldness that he doesn’t even see it. Todd jumps at the chance to have someone in his life care for him like this. It isn’t until his girlfriend at the time informs Todd that she’s done some digging on Avery that Avery’s story beings to fall apart. It’s then that Todd tracks down his maternal grandmother to get some information on Avery, and what he learns shatters him. After his grandmother tells him the full story, Todd cuts Avery from his life and decides to move to Canada to be with his grandmother. Avery STILL routinely harasses both Todd and Joey for a variety of reasons, and Todd has an anger for Avery that is unparalleled. Both Todd and Joey have a restraining order on Avery, which he actively ignores. She’s a long-term drug addict and many of her rage fits and incidents happen when she is experiencing withdrawals and is desperate to get money for her addiction.

grandma faye. Todd’s connection with his grandmother is instant. When he speaks to her on the phone regarding Avery, she bursts into tears. She reveals to him that Avery used and abused him when he was first born, and that more often than not, Faye was taking care of him for those 18 months until Avery gave him up for adoption without telling her. She warns him of Avery’s habits, and Todd believes her. After moving to Canada, he quickly moves in with her and helps her. She’s dying, so he spends as much time with her as he can. He learns about his maternal grandfather who has passed away 5 years ago, and learns that his grandmother actually knows who Todd’s father is, but has kept it a secret all these years. A few weeks before she passes away, she gives Todd Joey’s name, but Todd decides at first that he doesn’t want to know the man. Todd becomes the benefactor of everything Grandma Faye owned (which wasn’t much), but it’s more money than he’s ever had in his life time. When his grandmother dies, he realizes its the first time he’s ever actually bonded with someone the way a child and parent should. It destroys him that she’s not around and in a last ditched effort to find that again he goes to Joey.

joey hamilton. Joey’s reaction to Todd is disbelief at first, and it isn’t until Todd begins to tell Joey the stories he heard from Grandma Faye that Joey begins to believe Todd is actually his son. The relationship is awkward at first, as Joey holds a lot of guilt over not being there for Todd. Todd keeps much of his past a secret from his father, not wanting to make the guilt worse. Eventually, Todd moves in with Joey after Todd helps settled his grandmother’s will and testament. They eventually become incredibly close and develop a real father-son relationship that Todd never imagined he would have. When his father starts dating Mickey, it only gets better.

step-mother. Mickey comes into Joey and Todd’s life about a year after Todd and Joey connect. Todd is actually very skeptical of Mickey at first. He doesn’t trust many people, and certainly not parental figures. She seems bubbly and kind, and actually reminds him at first of his second foster mother. However after a long few months of patience and Mickey simply being herself, Todd does a 180. After a certain breaking point where Avery returns to Joey and Todd’s life after hearing Joey has moved on to dating Mickey, Mickey proudly stands up for Joey and Todd in a way Todd has never experienced. Mickey defends them, and even goes as far as to call Todd her son rather than Avery’s. It’s this display that changes Todd’s mind about Mickey, and later that night she is actually the one who holds him while he gets tearful about not understanding why his biological mother was so awful to him and his father and didn’t want him. Mickey and Todd from that point on have a quickly bonded relationship. Todd will actually seek out comfort from Mickey before seeking it from Joey. He will also be more inclined to talk about his past and his emotions with Mickey than anyone else –– including his father, and step-sister.

#todd rebane ( general ).#todd rebane ( headcanon ).#abuse mention tw #foster care mention tw #neglect mention tw #drug addiction mention tw #violence mention tw

2 notes · View notes

rvmmm21 · 4 years

Text

. unpleasant reminders 2.0 (aftercare) .

summary : joohyun isn’t all monster, after all.

small note : no anon prompt this time! big ups to [w] for suggesting this lol. it’s the only thing keeping irene from straying too far off into the murderous yandere cave. first off, never written aftercare, really don’t know how to write it too well (sorry!). when it was suggested i said :o um, yandere aftercare is probably just a comforting guilt trip, let’s be honest, so here’s soft irene! as soft as a psychopath gets, anyway. (please don’t yell i couldn’t get all the softness in).

tw : crying, physical injuries, implied stockholm syndrome, implied imprisonment. (and, my constant reminder that this is an Extremely Toxic Relationship).

...

It’s over, but it hurts.

And it’s silent. Eerily so. Which makes it so much easier for the echoes of sobs and sniffles to reach the ceiling.

…

It was her mistake.

Joohyun’s.

All Seungwan did was ask.

She’d gone along with it. Why she ever said yes in the first place she can’t for the life of her figure out, but what’s done is done, and she’s comes to terms with the fact that they both made mistakes.

Seungwan knew she wasn’t allowed anywhere past their front door without her omega under her arm. Joohyun had promised her it was so she could better shield her from the corruption of the evil outside world.

So she had made a mistake, but Seungwan had too. Sure, Joohyun could admit to her own short-sightedness when she gave Seungwan the green light to go out on a walk (alone and unguarded), but that didn’t excuse nor give her downright scheming alpha the right to ask. Seungwan had to have known full well what she was doing, to have had the nerve to demand such a thing of her defenceless girlfriend. Thus, making her transgression far worse than a simple, fleeting moment of weakness. Such behaviour absolutely required correcting. It was scheming and deceptive, plain and simple… not to mention probably another poorly thought out escape attempt.

She had to have been thinking it.

Why else would she even need a ‘breath of fresh air’ when Joohyun had taken her out for a walk just last month?

…

“Breathe, Seungwan.” Joohyun calms her frantically heaving alpha, pressing her close and stroking gentle lines down her back. “Just breathe, it’s okay.”

She’s trying to breathe, she’s fucking trying but it’s… wait, that’s… that’s her name, isn’t it? Seungwan. Not puppy, not alpha, hell… not even Wannie.

Seungwan.

She almost forgets it’s hers, and she finds herself having to adjust to the way it sounds. It feels like forever since Joohyun has addressed her like this. Like she’s supposed to. God, there’s an endless list of titles her omega refers to her by, depending on her mood. Or, more precisely, the mood Seungwan puts her in. Naturally, she much rather likes the nickname ‘Wannie’ as opposed to ‘puppy’ or any of its other derogatory alternatives, particularly with the hurt that usually follows once it reaches her ears.

But still, hearing her full name come from Joohyun’s lips flicks on some sort of intimate, pleasurable part of her brain.

God only knows why.

She can’t bring herself to analyse the complexities when Joohyun’s arms are around her in a proper hug. Now that there are no more chains, no more ropes, Seungwan feels heavier than ever, dragged down by her own muscle mass. Her arms are dead-weight, just a bag of bricks in her lap as she’s being held.

The after-effects of the pain acts like a sedative, ironic as it is. It floods her system. It’s overpowering, and – especially when it’s combined with staggered inhales of her omega’s light and positively calming scent – it always gets her so emotional and so, so sleepy.

(Joohyun being ever the observant mentor always makes it a point to double the concentration of her scent to assist with the come down, to make it as swift and as painless as possible)

It’s been ages but the pain is still peaking. Seungwan tries to squirm because everything - just - hurts.

“It’s sensory overload,” Joohyun stills her, answering a question she hasn’t even asked. It’s an automatic response at this point, the younger girl has heard it all before. “You’ll be alright in a few hours, relax, baby. Deep breaths. It’s going to take longer if you keep moving.”

Seungwan is crying before Joohyun even finishes. When the aggravating pulsing in her head and the searing sting of fresh, open wounds finally fades into a dull ache, hot tears stream down her cheeks before she can reach up to soothe them away. She’s curling further into Joohyun’s front, suddenly shrinking to half her size. Poor baby, the omega thinks. Her poor baby looks so numb, hungry and in pain that it clamps around her heart a little too forcefully for her liking. The fact that the alpha will never know how much it hurts to see her this way far surpasses the twinge from a few electric shocks and a couple of bruised ribs.

Blinking the glaze from her eyes, Seungwan gazes up, and a frail smile traces her lips at the way Joohyun looks just as sorry as she feels.

She always does, though.

Joohyun peers down when Seungwan begins making tiny, muffled noises. She has to strain to make sense of the words being murmured against her collarbone, and it’s admittedly very difficult to do when all she wants is to feel those sobs slowly die down. But she tries, for Seungwan’s sake. She runs her fingers through knotted, damp hair and tilts the alpha back gently away from herself, careful not to hurt her any more than she is already. “Seungwan-ah.”

The command is sweet, gentle. And in her half-asleep state, Seungwan’s brain takes a second to register her omega’s voice before she can respond. “… love you, I love –”

She loves Joohyun. Deep down, she genuinely appreciates everything she does for her, even if she has to sit on the sadder side of damaged and sore for the next few days. Joohyun’s love isn’t always the gentle type, and she knows this. So what? That just means it’s unique; just a few harmless behavioural adjustments. In fact, she thanks her for it, for bringing out the best in her, even if her methods are... rather unorthodox.

With Joohyun, you have to scrape, and you have to scrape hard. But it’s worth every minute, because underneath all those insecurities and the deafening paranoia, she is truly a good person. She’s a protector.

Her protector.

Seungwan’s feeble declaration cuts off into a breathless whine when Joohyun nuzzles into her neck, shushing her with the tenderness she always seems to possess after their sessions. “Shh, it’s okay, baby, I love you too.”

There’s a leisurely sigh. And then lips are trailing over faded mating-marks and aggressive, pink crescent-shaped markings before choosing to settle on a fresh bruise right below her jaw, causing Seungwan to tense up, unsure. But her eyes roll back into their sockets and she’s tries not to shiver too violently when Joohyun growls, all soft and low, sending pleasurable vibrations against injured skin.

“Too much. That’s why I do it, you know. I love you too much. I only want you to be good for me.”

She looks down at the delicate bundle she’s cradling,

Her little mate perfectly slotted between her arms; so soft and warm and weak.

Someone like Seungwan really isn’t built to survive on her own. Her mistakes prove that again and again; that she’s helpless without Joohyun.

Joohyun is a good omega, and no matter how harsh the punishment, a good omega never leaves her mate in pain.

She holds the girl whose breathing has finally evened out, the letting her head loll heavily against her shoulder as she drifts off into a pain-induced sleep. The over-exertion has finally taken over, and Seungwan is spared till morning.

They’re going to have to work on her endurance, that’s for sure. This is her worst time to date. Joohyun hadn’t even gotten through two thirds of the session before she saw the warning signs. The serious ones, not the odd whimper and a plea to stop... the serious ones. The ones that forced her to retire early. But Joohyun almost isn’t frustrated at all, this time. Seungwan’s been so compliant lately, taking her training without a single whine. Joohyun knows she could very well have to deal with the added stress of fussing, pouting and whining on top of what happens in sessions, or perhaps even a dare to call for help afterwards when she isn’t looking. She knows Seungwan is more than capable, and yet –

– and yet she doesn’t do it. Any of it.

She’s learnt not to.

Because she’s such a clever girl.

Such a fast learner.

Such an obedient little puppy.

Endurance isn’t going to be pleasant. But Joohyun is sure Seungwan will understand why it’s necessary, when the time comes. She’ll gently introduce this new phase to her tomorrow, she thinks, as she re-adjusts her hold and tucks a limp arm back into place to better accommodate her own limbs that are beginning to ache from the position. She slips her arm out from Seungwan’s back to inspect the damage. Oh no, her wrist looks particularly wrong. She knows she’s not supposed to be able to bend it that way.

Joohyun carefully sets her down, then quickly grabs the first blanket she can get her hands on to gently drape it over her before heading upstairs to get the equipment she requires. She won’t make any attempt to move her. Not until that wrist has been seen to.

And then she’ll put her to bed so she can tend to the rest of those horrible, ugly marks Seungwan needs to be rid of.

For now, she’ll kiss her, she’ll cook for her, she will be at her beck and call. For now, she will be the most dutiful, compassionate, caring partner she can be.

Because she really doesn’t think she can take seeing her poor alpha cry herself to unconsciousness again… not for at least another couple of days.

#red velvet #red velvet yandere #yandere omegaverse #wenrene #wendy #irene #red velvet scenarios #red velvet imagines #kpop scenarios #girl group scenarios #omegaverse

86 notes · View notes

spencers-dria · 3 years

Text

Lost in a Daydream

Someone to Stay Ch. 14

Content/Trigger Warnings: darker topics on death and mentions of alcohol

You step into your patients room, closing the door gently behind you. The palliative care nurse is already in the room, breaking the news to the husband.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Gray. I know you love Cristina very much. This is a difficult time, and we are here to help you through it in any way we can."

"Help?! You're not helping!" He yells as he stands up, pushing the nurses hand off his shoulder.

"If you were really helping you'd be saving her not letting her die!" Tears start to stream down his face as he clenches his fists, his face red with anger.

"I know it's hard to understand. There's nothing else that can be done. It's been 30 days on the ventilator. Do you remember the paperwork she filled out? She didn't want to live like this."

"Don't you dare tell me what my wife wanted! And I don't care about any damn paperwork! I'm her husband, and I should get final say!"

His body language has definitely become more aggressive. You step in to help diffuse the tension, and act as backup if needed. You quickly page the charge nurse, before things escalate. You'd rather have too much help than not enough.

"I know you're hurting Mr. Gray. We truly are sorry. But your wife made legally binding choices, and we have to honor her wishes. We will help you through every step and make her as comfortable as possible."

"I've heard enough! I'm not gonna stick around here to watch you people kill my wife!"

He storms out pushing past both of you, nearly knocking over the charge nurse on her way into the room.

The three of you share a look, knowing how hard this can be on families. You get ready to continue the process, making sure you stick by Cristina Gray's side so she's not alone.

A couple hours later, it's the end of shift and you're completely beat, emotionally and physically. Luckily you made plans for a girls night, and if anyone can cheer you up, it's Penelope Garcia.

You arrive at Penelope's apartment to find that Aunt JJ and Emily have already arrived. They're all sitting around chatting with full wine glasses. 10 things I Hate About You is on in the background, a classic. You plop down on the couch, reaching over to the coffee table to pour yourself a glass of wine.

"Long day, huh?" Emily asks, looking genuinely concerned.

"Yeah we had to let a patient go. The family didn't take it too well."

"I'm so sorry, Y/N." JJ says while wrapping an arm around you to give you a comforting squeeze.

Penelope gets up from her seat to embrace you in a hug. You needed that.

You take in a deep breath before responding. "Thank you, all of you. But I'll be ok, I'm pretty used to it. Tonight I just want to relax, and have fun!"

"Well in that case, how are things going with Spencer?" Emily raises her eyebrows, giving you a smirk.

"Emily!" JJ chastises her, giving her a look of exasperation.

You laugh it off. "No it's okay. We're good friends. We are uh... well we are planning a trip. He's never been to The Wizarding World in Orlando. So..."

You feel your face start to burn as the three of them give you knowing looks, JJ included.

"But you like him right?" Penelope pipes up.

Your eyes go wide and you know you've turned completely red. "I don't uhhm...well I don't..."

You bury your face in your hands, gripping at your hair. You finally breath the words out. "I don't know." It's the closest you've come to acknowledging that there might be something between the two of you.

"Well, I will say this, he's a wonderful guy. And the two of you seem to really enjoy your time together. Now if you don't feel that way, that's fine too. There's no pressure."

How is it that Aunt JJ can always put you completely at ease. You look up at her with a nervous smile.

The other two chime in "Yeah no pressure!" "We're just being nosy!"

Penelope whispers a little to loudly to Emily "They'd be really cute together though..."

"I know right!" Emily grins.

You can't help but giggle, a smile breaking through on your face. It wasn't the worst idea.

"I wanted to kiss him the other day, I think."

That got their attention. They've now gathered around you, prodding for more information.

Penelope insisting you tell the whole story of what happened. You recount how he showed up at your door, calling you pretty when you felt you looked your worst. You explained how the two of you had laid closer for the movie, how having your head on his shoulder made your heart race.

"So, when are you going to tell him?" JJ asks.

"Oh! Oh no...I couldn't. I can't! There's no way he would ever..."

Emily cuts you off. "Yes there is way he would ever." She laughs, rolling her eyes. "You're gorgeous and kind and funny. Based on the way he looks at you, it's a pretty sure bet he knows all of that to be true."

"The way he l-looks at me?" You falter at the thought. You'd never noticed anything.

"Oh my gosh yes!" Penelope squeals. "He looks at you like you're the best thing he's ever seen, like he'd do anything for you. It's straight out of a romance novel."

You feel your face turning red again, as you swallow the growing lump in your throat. The thought of talking to Spencer about any of this really does a number on your anxiety.

"We'll see. I'll just...well maybe he'll say something."

"Have you met Spencer?" Emily jests giving you a look that says that's a stretch.

You just laugh it off. Now that you think about it, you've been growing feelings for him for weeks now. You'd even admit to feeling something at Rossi's dinner party. But you were just now coming to terms with this. You've barely processed it yourself. You're definitely not ready to dump it all on Spencer.

Attention slowly turns back to the movie as the other three continue sipping on their wine, chatting about what a great match Kat and Patrick make. But your thoughts are anywhere but the movie. You find yourself imaging what it would be like to date Spencer. He's already such a wonderful friend,

you can't help but wonder how he would act in the role of boyfriend. You wonder what it would be like to kiss him. He's probably so shy and timid, knowing Spencer. He's such a sweetheart. The thought has you smiling to yourself.

The other three ladies notice your attention is elsewhere as the see the look on your face. They all exchange knowing looks and smiles.

————————————————————

Spencer POV:

Since the girls were having a night together, Morgan insisted we do something as well. Somehow we landed on the gym, which I certainly did not vote for. Hotch and Rossi both had plans so it's just me and Morgan. After dragging me to several different machines, he finally lets us take a water break.

"You're getting better at keeping up pretty boy. I remember when you first started and you couldn't make it through more than 5 minutes," he laughs.

I roll my eyes but decide to take it as a compliment.

"You gotta keep in shape for the ladies am I right? Or should I say lady?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me a huge grin on his face.

"I don't know what you're taking about." I look at the wall in front of me as I sit to do some stretches, avoiding his gaze at all cost.

"Oh c'mon don't play dumb with me man. I've seen the way you look at Y/N. And don't you two spend all your free time together?"

"Morgan, no! We're just friends!"

"Oh okay. You're telling me, you've honestly never thought about dating her?"

I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. He's not wrong. I sit there for a minute, thinking about all the times the thought had crossed my mind. I remember the butterflies I felt when we were sitting in the coffee shop together. I think about all the movie nights where I had to stop myself from grabbing her hand. Then there was the night at the bar, when it was all I could do not to lean in and kiss her as she danced with me. I must look completely lost in a day dream because Morgan sees the look on my face before responding.

"Yeah that's what I thought pretty boy."

I jump back up and make my way over to the weights, which I usually do my best to avoid. Weights are more of Morgan's arena. I put all my frustrations about not understanding my own feelings into every rep. Morgan walks over to spot me, hell bent on continuing the conversation.

"So how are you going to ask her out?"

I set the weights down, wiping the sweat off my head with a towel and running my fingers through my hair.

"You think I should ask her out?" My voices raises a few pitches, out of nervousness.

"Heck yeah! She'd be crazy to say no to a great guy like you!"

I roll my eyes, giving him a quick shove as I can't help but laugh. Derek may pick on me a lot, but he always has my back. His confidence in me boosts my own confidence a bit.

"I don't want to mess things up. She's my best friend..."

He sits down beside me, taking a serious tone.

"You two have gotten pretty close. If the two of you are as tight knit as you seem, I wouldn't worry about that. Either she'll say no and you'll both let it go, continuing a great friendship..."

"Or?" I question, worry covering my face.

"Or she'll say yes and the two of you will have a wonderful wedding."

And Morgan is back at it again. I roll my eyes at him as I stand to head to the locker room. But as I walk away, I can't stop smiling.

I decide to bounce some ideas off of him, about what I could do for a first date. I don't want to just do dinner and a movie. I want it to be special and unique just like her. After we throw out a couple ideas Morgan finally asks "Well why don't you use something the two of you have done or talked about? Or maybe something she told you about herself? When did you first start having feelings for her? That could be a good place to start."

I think back to when she joined me for phantasmagoria and we spent the evening in the coffee shop/music store. She told me how wrapped up her feelings were in music. An idea starts to blossom and I quickly tell Morgan, hoping to work through all the details. It has to be perfect. If it works out like I plan, I can ask her out and have our first date all at once. I want to show her how much I care, and I can't think of a better way to do it.

#criminal minds #dr spencer reid #original story #spencer x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer #spencerreid #spencer reid #someone to stay #lost in a daydream #Spotify

9 notes · View notes

kryptsune · 4 years

Text

I have a Confession... {Red X Frisk Drabble}

FRANS WEEK 2020 // Day 1: Confession

>>Day 2

@fransweek

🌼So a little bit about this. I am planning on doing Frans week this year that said I also don’t want to stress myself out. I have a sketch that I am working on that combines a few of the prompts but I still wanted to do something for day one so here is Underworld Red and Frisk after her run. Frans is so important to me so it is nice to post this kind of content again.

If you are currently reading Underworld there are a couple of spoilers within this that have yet to show up in the fic. I actually have decided to write this out instead because I am currently editing and getting feedback on the latest chapter which I plan to get up today at some point. If not it is going to be tomorrow. This scene is not canon to Underworld btw angst ahead.

===========================

She had yanked her hand away yelling only for him to become a little overly aggressive. It had slipped her mind as she shook from his actions. His boney almost claw-like fingers dug into her skin causing a blossom of blood to form and trickle down her arm. He had released her when he didn’t realize his own strength but it was too late.

Her ears rang with his shouts as she ran clutching her arm. Her legs brought her to the only place she found solace. A small little place in Waterfall. She collapsed next to the glowing blue stream shivering as if the very ground she now rested was but ice. When she looked down at her arm, the wound was nowhere to be seen.

That only meant that her mind had started to decay and old horrors were spilling out. Did he even grab her? Her eyes filled with tears as she placed her shaking hand against her lips. What was real? What was fake? She knew that he loved her but this. She was sure she looked at him with horror swimming in those cobalt depths. The fear was undeniable and he had done nothing to deserve it. How could you ever love someone that saw the shadow of your former self-overlaid over the present? Was she a hypocrite? She told him that she forgave him and yet her mind was wrought with rot. It’s decay slowly creeping deeper and deeper into her mind. The ghosts of the past haunted her even to the extreme of physical sensation. What were you supposed to trust?

She closed her eyes leaning forward in defeat. Her age was in its prime. A young woman with so much life to live and yet this disease had slowly consumed her sanity and with age, it would only devour what was left of the present. She couldn’t put him through that. It would break her heart. She didn’t deserve him not after that. At that moment her heart began to break. She loved him so much that his happiness went beyond her selfishness. He was better off finding a monster to be with than her. She would get old, her condition would become worse, and he would be tied to a human with such a short life in comparison to his own. It was the way it truly had to be. No amount of apology could ever fix what she had just done even if it was not in her proper state of mind.

She just sat there staring blankly into the water only to hear a small noise off to the side. It was him. It was near impossible for her to truly be alone when he was able to track her down so easily. Even when he approached she refused to raise her head to look at him, “I’m sorry…” She nearly choked on her next set of words as they passed her wavering lips, “We can’t be together. I…. I can barely control myself any longer. All I see is the worst part of you when…”

The tears began to form as she tried to stop herself, “I know there is so much I love. I…I don’t even deserve you. I want to love you and keep you close to me but I fear I am losing my mind. I see things past and.“ She was cut off as she screwed her eyes shut only whimpering a few chosen words, "I’m so sorry I yelled…. That I ran… I don’t know what is wrong with me anymore.”

Physical ailments could be treated with simple medication or rest but the mind is a complex beast. Just as it’s physical appearance depicts it is a maze that one could be trapped in for all eternity with no hope of escape. She was shaking and nearly on the cliff of a panic attack. What would he say?

All she felt was gentle arms wrapping around her from behind cradling her in that warm embrace. How could he even look at her let alone touch her? All she could hear was that soft twinkle of chimes that made Waterfall so unique. He loved her, cared for her, and comforted her. He was her best friend and now someone she couldn’t imagine being without. His silence only led to soft gestures like the wiping of tears, a soft squeeze, and a small smile. He didn’t need words to tell her how he felt. When the silence finally broke she was staring up into those red eyes. One that used to frighten her but now drew her in with that brilliant ruby hue.

He knew what it was like to lose your mind as his father had made sure of it. The monster he once was and the one she had met were like doppelgangers and though those traits from his past had returned he still struggled with the one thing that stained his very being. The very thing that had nearly torn half the Underworld apart with its aggression and madness. To see her go through the same pains hurt his soul.

He had learned to control his and yet hers only seemed to become worse. He feared one day she would harm herself due to some demon that crept into her mind. Take that pain away... that was all that he wanted for her. Even her outbursts could never change how much he loved her. Even if she tried to pull away he would always pull her back. He had done this to her and so he deserved what he was getting.

He only threaded his fingers through her hair gently combing through the auburn strands, “Why would ya ever think I’d be mad at ya?” He had been working tirelessly for weeks trying to improve her mental condition and yet no amount of magic could fix her wounds, “Ya don’t deserve me? Sweetheart, ya got it backward. I did this ta ya and I’m sorry. I wish I could take it all back er’… erase all tha bad but I can’t. You could yell at me fer tha rest of yer life… I will never leave ya.”

He just held her praying to someone, anyone that one day those demons would be purged from her mind even if that meant he had to be out of the equation. She deserved better and though he loved her with his every breath he could not deny that he was only causing her more pain. He could feel her small frame shuddering as she sobbed, “Shhhh I gotcha.”

It was ironic considering the place she had chosen to escape to. It was a special place for both of them. It did not look like much but this was the place where his once cold and ruthless soul had been soothed. No amount of words or magic could do what her warm smile had or just that sparkle of hope and love in her eyes. It was the moment he realized he had been horribly wrong about the seemingly fragile human girl sitting beside him and how much of the term monster he had become.

A truly awful horrible demon of a skeleton that didn’t deserve her angelic mercy. He had a difficult time living with his past actions drowning in a regret that not even time could cure. He remembered finding her trying to hold back tears as she wrapped her pale arms around herself. Seeing his handiwork in full display only for her to panic at his snooping. She explained that though time appeared broken for her that did not mean there were no consequences to such a thing. She called it a curse and rightfully so. Even as they sat in silence he could feel his thoughts shifting.

That was the moment that changed everything. That was truly the moment that he realized just how special she was and how important she was to him specifically. He nearly cursed himself for not seeing it sooner. It was the same exact spot. The only difference was that he had no hesitation in his comforting of her. He wanted her to know that no matter what he would always be there no matter what she did because deep down a little of her hope had made its way into him. He would save her just like she had saved him all those years ago. She deserved happiness and he knew that for her that included him just as much. She had said so herself.

He closed his sockets just resting his mouth on the crown of her head before slowly raising it to speak clearly, “Ya saved everyone Sweetheart… now let me save you, alright?”

He continued to hold her like the little fragile thing she was letting her feel that warmth and comfort. That loving embrace that would never leave her. She looked up at him now calmed by the soft words and warm cradle of his arms. It was a simple word one that might make another laugh at its absurdity, “Red…”

Ah yes, the nickname. The very one that had been a joke in the past. A failed attempt at a kind of quip for his use of so many pet names for her. There was one that stood out among the rest, sweetheart. There was nothing as fitting as that one simple word for her. She had made a point about mocking his fashion sense and his unfortunate eye color saying that he should be nicknamed after the color he seemed to be drowned in but it was his.

A name that proved that though he had become something he hardly recognized that was the person she had grown fond of and could call a friend. It was special even if to the untrained eye it would appear rather bland or foolish. When that word slipped past her lips his soul would thump in his chest skipping the nonexistent beat that filled what a heart would do.

He stared into those blue eyes that were filled with so much love for him something he never thought he would ever deserve. No, no one could say that name like she could. She didn’t need to speak anymore he just swept her off her feet so they could once again return home. He would keep hope for a brighter future and one day all those grey clouds would give way to the most beautiful blue sky.

She had already cleared away the storm for him now it was his turn to show her the true beauty of a night sky unhindered by a single cloud. A peace, love, and happiness unmatched and unequal to anything on this planet or under it.

💙Ways to Support💙:

(Like AU and interesting worldbuilding? I have the post for you. Click on the AU master list and it will take you to the over 16+ AU and worlds I have built in this multiverse. This is just one of many)

Multiverse AU Masterlist: >>>List is here<<<

Discord: >>>>Underworld<<<< (this is the best way to find/get to know me)

Archive of Our Own: >>>Fallenfellfrisk<<<

Twitter: >>>Fallen_fell<<<<

Kofi: >>>Fallenfellfrisk<<<

——————————————

Thank you, everyone, for your continuous love and support. It truly means so much to me.

#undertale #frans #frisk x sans #underfell #Red X Frisk #Underworld Au #Underworld #WTU #Welcome to the Underworld #fransweek2020 #fransweek #drabble #Red Fontaine #Sans Fontaine #fluff #angst #Day 1

51 notes · View notes

nightwingshero · 4 years

Note

1-10 for jane from the angst asks 💋

Thank you bby!!!

💙 What would your OCs last words be (or if they’ve died what were their last words)? What were their final moments like? How did they die?

Jane does actually die in canon, and her last words are a very condescending “fuck you” towards the highwaymen. She legit laughs in their faces. Mostly because its her, you know? But also, in a way, she did it for Harper. She didn’t want Harper to see her be afraid because she knew the poor kid was terrified. Jane’s execution isn’t at all what they wanted it to be, because Jane’s a fighter, and she will always die on her terms, nothing less. So her head was high and she was mouthy. She will somehow manage to keep an upper hand, her pride won’t allow it any other way. Harper very much regards Jane as a martyr after.

💧 What’s the worst pain your OC has ever been in? Mental or physical? What was the cause of this?

Jane has a high pain tolerance (and I don’t think she felt it when she was shot in the head by the Highwaymen), so physically is hard to say. She’s been shot and stabbed a time or two. Mental...was probably her family abandoning and just ghosting her after her husband cheated and left her for another woman. She often jokes that maybe that was what she should have done in the beginning.

🔷 Has your OC ever had to leave something behind or abandon something they didn’t want to? Have they ever had this happen to them? How has this effected them over the years?

Not really. Jane isn’t too sentimental, but when she is, it’s fierce. She’s never had to, and probably would never do so. Jane is a stubborn person, where she’s had to compromise on many things in her childhood and young adult life, that’s very much not a thing now. If someone would insist that she had leave something behind that meant something to her, they’d get a quick “fuck you” and maybe a punch in the face. This isn’t always a good thing.

🔵 Has your OC lived through any particularly traumatic events? Does this event (or events) still effect them or have they tried to bury it? Is there a reason why this event is so traumatic for them?

I think that would be her childhood/relationship with her parents and what happened with her husband. So, Jane was raised Catholic and the older she got, the more she fought with her parents, mostly because they tried to force her into the role they wanted as a daughter. Her sexual orientation was never a discussion, her relationship with Grace was hidden, and as much as she hates to admit it, she eventually caved--which resulted into her getting married. Jane has abandonment and trust issues galore, to the point where she will stick with one night stands, and sees flings as too risky. She won’t sleep with the same person twice. Jane’s hard to get close to, she makes it nearly impossible because she sees it as the safest way for her.

❄️ What is (one of) their biggest regrets or biggest mistake they’ve made? Is there anything they can do to fix this or is it so far gone there’s no point anymore? Is this something they dwell on a lot?

I mean, probably getting married and maybe not ditching her family ties a lot sooner. Like, “oh, they left me, and I wish I would have done it first”. Mostly because Jane has to be in control and has to have the upper hand, it has to be on her terms. You don’t get to choose to leave her because you either never had her or she’s gone before you can make that decision. She wouldn’t have gotten married since hindsight is 20/20, she got nothing from that, to be honest. You can’t change the past though, so she’s just bitter about it and doesn’t trust people to the point she will purposely act aggressive just to put the distance between them and herself.

💦 Does your OC have any self destructive habits? Addictions? Urges? What is the cause of these or the reason for them?

She has major anger issues, letting her emotions bottle up and they always come out in the form of anger. Jane’s self destructive by not allowing human ties, self sabotaging to a fault (in regards to relationships and human interaction), ignores her own emotions and translating them into anger to protect herself--helping her believe that she’s not emotional, and it actually aids her in coming across as such.

🌊 What is your OC like at their most depressive? In the middle of a breakdown? Having a panic attack? What are they like with dealing with anxiety and stress?

Jane doesn’t have panic attacks, but once she’s hit a point where the emotions she’s bottling up (because as hard as she tries to vent it out of anger/translating or making it into something else, they’re still there and don’t change whether she likes it or not) she breaks the fuck down. A lot of crying and screaming, and just bursts of tears and rage because she doesn’t know how to work through it and doesn’t want to deal with her emotions. She doesn’t like to recognize them for what it is, because that would mean she would have to face everything else, and she’s not okay with that.

☄️ Does your OC struggle with their emotions and trauma? Do they find it easier to open up to strangers or those close to them if at all? Do they tend to hide their pain from everyone?

Her emotions for sure. That’s such a struggle for her, and she will actually downplay the trauma she’s been through (like the joke stated above), and with her downplaying it, it helps her shut away the emotions she struggles to deal with. Jane will not open up to strangers, they will get stabbed if they overstep and that’s easy to do with her. She won’t open up to people, it doesn’t happen. Randy (and Mike in an AU), Wren, and John are the only ones that really get a glimpse of what that is.

📘 Write a sad journal entry, an unsent letter or short sad drabble. + bonus, give a theme!

There’s a letter that she almost sent to her parents, pretty much asking them to come back and indicated wanting to fix the relationship (with her being disowned and whatnot), but she never sent it. It’s tucked away in the bottom of one of her drawers. There are scorch marks where she actually attempted to burn it a time or two, but thinking better of it.

🔹 Does your OC have any scars? What are the stories behind them? Do they have any mental scars? Talk about the effects of their trauma in general on their day to day life.

Jane has a lot of scars, from doing stupid stuff as a kid and from the injuries during the Holy War. Her mental scars all revolve around Grace, her ex husband, and her parents--all of which are never forgiven and the grudges stay intact up until the second she dies. The effects are her maybe stabbing you for getting to close, I mean--her people skills are lacking because she chooses to be that way. She’s a loner, keeping to herself unless Randy is with her. She’s a hard nut to crack and she’s curt when talking to certain people. Most of the time, she doesn’t talk at all unless she’s comfortable enough to not want to kill or punch you.

#jane williams #angst asks #my ocs

3 notes · View notes

hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 4 years

Text

This is the most offensivly ignorant comment I’ve ever had the misfortunte of reading

Unsurprisingly it comes from the King of ‘What you just said is so aggressively idiotic I feel like you just insulted everyone’: RDMacQ.

For context you need to read this statement from someone else. Whilst I do not agree with this statement I’m not addressing it’s merits or demerits.

“Let me say that I don't like Evil Superman as a concept, but when written well, like Tom Taylor's Injustice comics, where the guy who wrote it clearly has love for the traditional version of Superman and tries to humanize him even at his worst so you can relate and feel for the guy, I accept it, I enjoy it. By that same token, I was always open to Peter/MJ not working out if it was done well, and not done as in the case of OMD/OMIT with the demonstrable intent of slandering MJ's character and making Peter young hip and open to dating younger girls without him coming off as a creep and sleazebag. I am not okay with it happening to preserving Peter's sainthood. I mean the reason I accepted Peter B. in ITSV is that it did that take on the direction the character went into very well. In the case of Life Story #3, you are meant to agree with MJ and she's shown as a moral force, someone who condemns Venom Peter when he is about to kill Kraven-in-Cloth Suit. And of course people need to keep in mind that in Life Story, Reed and Sue didn't work out either, Vision suffers more guilt than even Peter can fathom, Captain America made a bigger and more difficult choice and faces more consequences for his actions than Peter does. So I feel that whatever Zdarsky is doing he's playing fair in the way that other writers don't when they do the story this way. And also tonally, the story is set in the '80s, the age of Watchmen. I think in terms of decade-specific mood and trend, having a story where Spider-man becomes a deadbeat dad worried about not being in prime physical shape and so on...is quite apposite.”

Then we get to RDMacQ’s bullshit

“Yeah, I find it weird that the main complaint is "This isn't what happened in the original comics" and I'm like "Yeah.... kind of the point!"”

Here is the problem.

Life Story is intended and promoted as a WHAT IF.

The way a WHAT IF works is that it takes what DID happen and changes variables to explore how that’d impact the outcome.

With Variables A+B you get outcome 1 (the main universe).

But what if you had Variables C+D? You would get outcome 2.

Gwen Stacy died so Spider-Man tried (and ultimately refrained) from murdering the Green Goblin.

But what If Spider-Man saved Gwen Stacy? Then she’d accept him, he’d stop the Goblin, but the Goblin would expose his identity in the interim and thus ruin Peter’s life.

Kingpin’s assassin injured Aunt May so Peter beat him up.

But what If the Kingpin’s assassin didn’t injure Aunt May but simply outright killed Mary Jane? Then Peter would directly murder the Kingpin.

Life Story doesn’t play fair as a What if in the slightest.

A what if done properly is confined by the parameters of the original story. Everyone still needs to act in character within the context of the new situation as defined by the older stories.

That isn’t he case in Life Story

To begin with it isn’t changing just one variable it’s changing multiple. Spider-Man is aging in real time. The events of his life are happening in roughly the same time period they would’ve been published, but not in the same order. The level of realism is drastically higher since Marvel heroes are going to the Vietnam War.

Characters act arbitrarily differently in ways they wouldn’t do in the context of the new variables. Case in point, why exactly would Norman Osborn pull the scheme he di in issue #2 just because he’s in prison? His plan never made sense. And in issue #4 his plan was even more asinine. He wanted to destroy Spider-Man and due to being too old to do it himself he pulled the Clone Saga and got Doc Ock to attack Spidey on his behalf. But he knew who Peter was, why not just reveal the truth. Doing so couldn’t harm him as he’d already paid for his crimes as the Goblin and his identity was public knowledge.

That doesn’t make sense. That’s not an opinion that’s just self-evident by the story. The cause and effect of it doesn’t add up.

But RDMacQ doesn’t believe in that. According to him Norman’s actions are justified because ‘ a crazy person did something that didn’t make sense’. That’s the laziest most pathetic attempt at analysis. And yet this cum bubble of a human being has the audiactity to claim I don’t analyse.

To him authorial intent is everything unless he doesn’t like it.

Because the point is that it’s supposed to be different from canon that means that characters can act in ANY way that’s different. ANY thing that is different is a viable option. Which obviously defeats the entire object of the project. If you are going to do that what is the point of rooting it in 616 canon in the first place? Why rely upon familiarity with the canon universe if you are going to randomly change anything on a whim as opposed to in logical response to a changed variable?

In doing that all you have accomplished is a weird and unfocussed Ultimate Universe, not a What if.

But then ol’ Big Mac starts to step up the game.

“I think probably my issue arises due to certain recent fan outrages, and a lot of the rationalizations and justifications that came from them. The latest episode of Game of Thrones, for example, had a lot of people- and I mean a LOT of people- decrying a character's "Heel" turn and their "Out of character" moments- while at the same time showing a bit of a misreading of the material or the subject matter.”

Bear in mind when he wrote this the latest episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones was the penultimate episode of it’s eighth and final season. In it, key protagonist, Daenerys slaughtered a whole city full of civilians with a fire breathing dragon and her army. Throughout the show she’d previously been defined as being unwilling to kill innocents on principle, once claiming that each enslaved person in a city was a reason to conquer the city and liberate it’s people. She was so horrified that one of her dragons inadvertently killed a child that she locked them up. She once affirmed that she did not want to be ‘Queen of the Ashes’ amidst her campaign to retake her homeland.

It’s fair to say the overwhelming majority of viewers AND professional critics took major issue with this and declared it a travesty and out of character.

Behind-the-scenes stories also heavily point to Emilia Clarke (the actress portraying the character) being upset and disenchanted with her character’s direction.

youtube

For my money these two videos are the best examinations of the disaster that was Daenerys heel turn in this episode of Game of Thrones.*

youtube

Also please bear in mind the ‘man’ saying people are misreading things is the same man who has continually insisted that Norman Osborn merely wants to kill Spider-Man in spite of me citing examples to the contrary, including this page.

So you know, not exactly demonstrating great analytical skills there.

“I think it's far too easy to cry "Out of character" when a character does something different, or simply questionable, because it's an easy catch all phrase that sounds like you know something, but in reality it's just a cover for a lack of understanding of things like characterization or plot development.”

Says the ‘man’ who genuinely once said Norman Osborn doing something nonsensical is justified because ‘he’s crazy’.

Says the ‘man’ who leaned incredibly hard on the idea that Miles Warren in Life Story would not have intervened in Gwen’s marriage to Peter Parker even though his entire character revolves around his jealous obsession over her.

Says the guy who once said a writer can randomly decide all of Mary Jane’s character development since the 1980s didn’t matter.

Says the ‘man’ who once claimed Doc Ock at the end of Gage’s Superior run was he real Doc Ock even though he was literally a clone of his mind in a clone of his body…and then he refused to listen to me when I repeatedly spelled that fact out for him. His rationale was ‘Marvel are treating him as the real guy so he is’.

Says the ‘man’ that in his ‘interpretation’ Spider-Man regarded Ned Leeds as a ‘viper’ after he was revealed as the Hobgoblin, in spite of literally no evidence supporting that interpretation and you know Spider-Man literally saying otherwise multiple times; including in the issue he learned Ned was a villain. In fact when I pointed this out to ol’ big Mac he referred to such things as ‘arbitrary’.

Says the guy who once said it’s better for stories to be in multi-parters because before the rise of decompression al stories had rushed endings. Remember how Amazing Fantasy #15, The Kid Who Collects Spider-Man, Sensational Annual 2007, The Conversation and When Commeth the Commuter all had ‘rushed’ endings?

Says the poor excuse for a ‘man’ who once claimed there was nothing wrong with the JMS run having magic but who also lambasted Peter David’s Spider-Man work for involving magic and time travel, even though JMS wrote ASM #500 which is literally about magic time travel.

What I am trying to say is this ‘man’ has systemically demonstrated immense hypocrisy and stupidity but a staggering deficiency when it comes to literary analytical skills.

“The movie reviewer Bob Chipman mentioned this in one of his videos where he talked about the problems that a lot of "Modern" viewers have is that they believe because they watch a lot of movies in a year, that somehow makes them film buffs or gives them insight into the storytelling process, when in reality what they are doing is watching all the Marvel movies or all the big releases, and assuming that gives them the same sort of insight that people who go to school to learn this sort of thing do. And I kind of think that's also true of comics as well.”

Oh boy, is there a lot to unpack here.

Keeper of the Gate

For starters let’s call this out for what it is. As much as he might be softening the statement by saying ‘kind of’, what he is actually doing right here is GATEKEEPING.**

He is saying unless you have ‘gone to school to learn this sort of thing’ you don’t COUNT as a critic.***

Okay let’s dive into that one.

Schooling ain’t everything

Gone to school to do what exactly? How to make movies? That’s what film school is for right? So you can learn how to write, produce, direct, etc movies. Correct me if I am wrong but film school does not teach you how to CRITIQUE movies.

So by this logic going to film school wouldn’t qualify you to critique a movie, just how to make them. Except no one argues that. Bob Chipman himself studied film at school and it is from that point of view that his analyses come from.

So by RDMacQ’s own logic Bob himself isn’t qualified for his own job, let alone RD himself. At which point why does Bob’s words carry any weight at all?

But wait, we can go yet deeper.

What if we aren’t talking about film school specifically? What if someone just studied film as their major in college but not strictly film school? Is that good enough to be a film critic or not? If it is are you a lower echelon of film critic?

What if you minored in film/media studies instead of majored in it? Are you yet lower on the totem pole?

What if you went to film school but dropped out?

What if you studied from home and didn’t actually GO to the school itself?

What if you studied it at A school but pre-college?

What if you studied it privately outside of an educational institution? In other words a self-taught film student?

Shit, what about the first ever film critics or the first ever film makers who pioneered techniques and the art form? If they were going through the trial and error of formulating the art form and medium there obviously couldn’t have BEEN film schools back then?

Do they not count?

Not to mention the cultural implications of this. If you are an American who attended a French film school are you unqualified to critique American films and only French ones, even if you grew up predominantly with American cinema?

Let’s change things up a little and look to TV in Britain. One of the most acclaimed British TV writers of all time was a man named John Sullivan. Sullivan created multiple beloved and acclaimed sitcoms, the most famous of which is called Only Fools and Horses. So successful was this show that it was the most viewed TV show in Britain in both the 90s and the 2000s. The latte in particular is an achievement since the show existed purely as reruns in the 2000s sans literally 3 episodes.

The show had a total of 64 episodes and ran between 1981-2003. Do you know how many of those 64 episodes Sullivan wrote?

ALL of them.

And do you know how many of them have predominantly negative reviews? Arguably just four.

Not only has the show been positively received it’s been regarded as the singular greatest British comedy of all time, a title it still holds to this day.

Amidst the praise that the show has received is it’s great characterization, it’s emotional moments and in particular it’s utter command of narrative structure. Not only do the jokes land they land with grace and make the feat seem easy when it’s all over. The cherry on his record was his OBE, an official government recognition of his positive contributions to the arts.

So you know, this guy clearly knew how to tell a good story. He did like 60 times in a row single handily.

So when and where did he study film? The answer is, he didn’t.

He never studied film. His formal education stopped at age 15 when he dropped out of school with no qualifications. Even if he had completed his secondary high school education he’d have not studied film. Film was not on the British curriculum at the time and to my knowledge still isn’t. At best you can study ‘media studies’ starting at age 16-18 before you go on to university. But up until age 16 it’s just not an available option.

He did go to evening classes for English and read teach yourself books but that was it.

By Big Mac’s standards this writer who’s been recognized by the government themselves wasn’t qualified to write anything, let alone critique it.

Additionally let’s consider one teeny weeny little fact. If you’ve lived through the formal education system in pretty much any Western country you have almost certainly been educated on how to gain an insight into the storytelling process. Because that’s a big part of what fucking ENGLISH class is for!****

MovieBob

I’d say I’m shocked and appalled at RD’s audacity and lack of self-awareness in citing MovieBob Chipman. But I’m not. It actually makes far too much sense.

MovieBob is a broken clock that’s often not even right twice a day. His credibility as a critic and as a human being is also woefully lacking.

For starters RD is a big Spider-Marriage proponent (though he’s recently turned traitor and says he doesn’t really mid if it doesn’t come back). To his credit he has often called out and deconstructed unfair and disingenuous arguments against the Spider-Marriage.

Bob however is staunchly on the other side of that debate.

He’s even said the marriage was never good, came from an illegitimate place, that Spider-Mans imply should never be married and in fact argued that a late Slott era Spider-Man and MJ were more interesting than they were before.

Thus I find RD’s citing of Bob to back up his claims about who is ‘qualified’ to be a critic the height of irony.

But you know, that doesn’t necessarily hurt RD’s argument. Hell, Bob un-ironically believing in eugenics or intelligence testing for voters doesn’t necessarily hurt RD’s argument.

Nor does MovieBob’s weird, weird views on how society apparently punishes the Big Brains like himself of course. Although it’s so telling that an arrogant prick like RD would invoke the words of a ‘brother-in-arms’ like Bob.

No, what hurts RD’s argument is where Bob was probably coming from with his initial statement.

See I heavily suspect that RD’s claims about Bob are kind of stem from his interpretations of this video Bob made called ‘BIG PICTURE: PLOTHOLE SURFERS’. Noticeably that video cites this video by another Youtube film critic named Patrick Willems. Called ‘SHUT UP ABOUT PLOT HOLES’.

The sentiments of both videos explicitly or implicitly echo Big MacQuack’s. Everyone is wrong in how they are critiquing movies except them and people like them because they are ‘professionals’ because they went to school.

None of these arguments hold up to scrutiny both due to stuff I have mentioned above but also for various other reasons I’m not going to bother unpacking here. If you want a detailed look at why Chipman and Willems (and by extension RD) are full of shit there are several Youtube videos dissecting their points, particularly Willems’.

However, I’ve found the most detailed to be this video.

youtube

There is also this video where they more directly address Bob’s video.

Fair warning they are long and get less than PC, and yet they do address why the videos don’t hold up to scrutiny.

Self-taught critic

Here is a crazy thought, if you’ve watched all the Marvel movies and big releases every year, why SHOULDN’T that give you a potential insight when critiquing OTHER Marvel movies or big releases? Those things are competing against one another, they are broadly going for the same audience. If you familiarise yourself with them then it is not beyond impossibility that you could mentally play spot the difference in the storytelling and critically evaluate them. It’s almost like in consuming that media you have formulated a CRITERIA which you are then CRITICALLY judging similar such media against.

Hypocrisy

The best part about RD’s statements? He himself has never gone to film school. Nor has he gone to a school specifically teaching him how to analyse comic books nor write them.

By his own logic he has disqualified himself from partaking in critiquing any story, as he did with Life Story or Game of Thrones earlier on.

But the best part?

If you check out the thread this is from and observe the poster called Chase the Blues Away they often disagree. CTBA points out holes in RD’s arguments and subtly questions his reading comprehension. Entirely separately they also implied they felt GoT’s writing was illogical towards the end of season 8 as well.

Why is CTBA relevant.

Because they actually HAVE gone to film school!

Furthermore, on both Life Story and most other matters related to Spider-Man CTBA and myself have been on the same page, whether this entails agreeing with one another’s statements or by coincidence having similar positions.

Now me?

I NEVER went to film school nor did I study English literature formally beyond age 18. Oh, I’ve read bits and bobs about writing (my favourite being Russell T Davies’ book ‘A Writer’s Tale’). But I have no college level formal education on the craft of writing. My analytical skills were cultivated from my school experiences and a whole load of osmosis and practice.

I have also found myself often on the same page as another person who at least studied English at a college level. They are another poster on the same forum called MacGoblin, perhaps better known as the creator of the (now defunct) SpideyKicksButt website. For many people the site was THE best source of Spider-Man analysis on the web for over a decade.

MadGoblin still participates regularly on a podcast covering new Spider-Man issues and whether or not I agree with all his assessments the manner in which he analyses (with an eye upon continuity) is similar to myself and indeed all the other panellists on the podcast.

One of the former panellists on the podcast (who I have also been on the same page with more often than not) was called Donomark and he too studied English at a college level.

So that’s three people who meet RD’s arbitrary rules for who is a ‘real’ critic. And yet I (someone who doesn’t meet RD’s criteria) have come to mostly the exact same conclusions as they have through entirely independent analysis.

As have other people I know who didn’t study film or English Lit in college.

So, either I’m just an absolute prodigy, or RDMacQ, Willems and MovieBob’s criteria for who can and can’t grasp plot and characters is full of shit.

“A lot of the complaints I've seen is that Peter wouldn't or didn't do this in the original comics. But arguing "Peter wouldn't do this because in ASM #225, on page 11..." isn't pointing out the flaw in the story.”

As always RD is devoid of nuance or appreciating the complexities of things.

If in Life Story or any Spider-Man story in canon Peter acts in a way at odds with his established characterization which is DEFINED by ASM #225 then absolutely that’s pointing out a flaw in a story.

Case in point, here is this poorly drawn satire of Superior Spider-Man RDMacQ himself made:

Most of the gags at the expense of Superior Spider-Man in this page was made through the lens of knowing the characters’ past, of knowing what they did and how they acted in older stories.

The confusion over Crazy Town Banana Pants derives from Superior claiming Peter routinely said this when he in fact never did.

Carlie’s suspicions over Superior’s behaviour stems from he fact that the older stories have established how Peter acts and established that Carlie knows how he acts. Therefore Carlie not realizing the truth when she’s been told is illogical. That’s the gag from someone who’s stamped his foot on the ground and angrily refuted that human beings are capable of being logical.

The same is true of this next page too.

Captain America refers to ‘usual’ people involved with the Avengers (super scientists, etc.). Usual means there is a precedent and a precedent can only be defined via a pattern. A pattern of what? A pattern of older stories!

The second panel is bringing up the OLDER STORY ‘Ends of the Earth’ to prove the hypocrisy of Doc Ock

The final panel references SEVERAL past events. The Clone Saga. The Alien Costume Saga. Every time the Chameleon or another shape shifter has impersonated him. Kraven’s Last Hunt.

It’s also referencing the fact that MJ would KNOW about them and even goes really specific by referencing the events of a few pages of one specific issue of Kraven’s Last Hunt. Not the gist of the story, not the climax or the most famous moments. This one scene in the middle of everything else.

RD is using that very specific moment to draw a comparison between it and the events of Superior in order to point out how MJ is not acting consistently.

Almost like she’s, I dunno, OUT OF CHARACTER or something?

Oh, and or the record declaring Peter would or wouldn’t act this way because of ASm #225 p11 is bullshit because Peter isn’t even on that page.

“That's just spouting comic book trivia, which isn't the same thing.”

But referencing events in the middle of KLH which are hardly iconic and immediately memorable and pointing out how MJ didn’t act consistently with them in Superior Spider-Man?

Oh no, that’s NOT ‘spouting comic book trivia’.

Can you see the hypocrisy of this creature now?

Can you see how BROKEN it is to argue a character being established as acting a certain way by an older story DOESN’T mean it matters thereafter?

And he says I am bad at analysis, Jesus Christ.

“Knowledge of trivia isn't the same as understanding plot structure, foreshadowing, character development, or knowing or accepting that just because something happens in issue 1 doesn't mean it will stay that way throughout the entire book.”

First of all the sheer audacity of someone with such non-existent analytical skills to DARE fucking throw shade like this is astounding. That’s like Michael Bay trying to explain how you make a movie with substance.

Second of all he’s right and wrong here.

Knowing the history of the characters is not the same as knowing those things.

But that doesn’t render it trivia because it’s the fucking histories of the characters that define who they goddam are!

Everyone agrees Spider-Man would not have acted the way he did in One More Day right? And that MJ wouldn’t have acted the way she did in OMIT right?

Why? Why do people feel the characters would not behave that way?

Because they read older stories that depicted them acting in certain ways in certain situations that were then contradicted by OMD and OMIT.

You know like MJ not realising Superior Spidey wasn’t really Peter even though the situation was incredibly similar to Kraven’s Last Hunt and both entailed imposters pretending to be Spider-Man.

No, knowing the history isn’t the same as knowing all that other stuff.

But it is undeniably an integral PART of being able to analyse something because if the prior events don’t matter, if they are merely trivia (or worse trivia when he wants it to be but not when he doesn’t) then NOTHING matters.

Why the fuck should issue #1 matter when reading issue #2? Or issue #3 when reading issue #5?

What does it matter if chapter 1 established our protagonist as an adult black man with a wife but by chapter 10, with no explanation they are a teenaged white woman claiming they’ve never been married?

Hey, chapter 1 is just trivia right. Why should that matter?

By the way, go ask Harry Potter fans if those little details are irrelevant and see how that goes.

He’s also (unsurprisingly) disgustingly disingenuous in his final point. Yes, things between issue #1 and issue #25 will change. But there is a world of difference between something changing via development vs. lazy contradictive writing.

Case in point, in ASM #1 Peter Parker doesn’t have a job, is a pariah at school and runs away crying from a failed adventure. In issue #25 he has a freelance job, isn’t running away crying and 2 ladies are interested in him.

WHAT? Isn’t this a contradiction? Doesn’t accepting this change mean you accept that issue #1 was mere trivia?

No, because between issue #1 and #25 we saw how and when Peter got a job, those two ladies became interested in him and we saw his skills, experience and confidence grow. The end result is that issue #25 was different to issue #1 because we’d been on a JOURNEY to get us there.

In contrast in ASM #700 Doc Ock is seemingly turned into a good guy because all of Spider-Man’s memories were beamed into his head, teaching him Uncle Ben’s famous mantra. But in Superior Spider-Man #1 he’s randomly reverted to what he was doing back in ASM #698.

So that stuff was just trivia? But that stuff was the resolution of ASM #700 and therefore the set up for Superior #1. The latter couldn’t exist without the former and yet it doesn’t make sense.

And you see that? You see how that cause and effect problem exists? Yeah, that’s PART of critiquing plot structure and foreshadowing. It’s ALMOST like the older stories aren’t merely trivia but actually very important and play a factor in the other forms of analysis RD listed off.

Not to mention, the idiocy of saying knowing the trivia doesn’t mean you understand foreshadowing. Motherfucker, the entire concept of foreshadowing is that you establish details in the present because you want to hint at readers about where the story is going to go later. It practically HINGES upon readers remembering that ‘trivia’.

If ASM #225 p11 had Spider-Man pass by a black cat and say ‘Boy that reminds me of Felicia Hardy.’ THAT would be foreshadowing for the next issue, but you couldn’t appreciate that UNLESS you remembered what happened in ASM #225 p11.

And the imbecility of bringing this shit up whilst referencing Game of Thrones too? As if Daenerys heel turn was actually foreshadowed and not just created from splicing old voice overs together in the previously segment of the show.

The next bit is in reference to Life Story again by the way.

“I mean, one of the best bits of subtle foreshadowing here is what happens with Peter and Reed's relationship. In issue 2, Peter reflects on how Reed pushed Sue away with his actions, and how he doesn't want to end up like that. But come issue 3, Peter ends up doing just that, despite his best efforts to the contrary and knowing what happened to Reed beforehand. That shows smart plot structure, which doesn't come out and yell at you "THIS IS IMPORTANT!" or hold your hand in any way. That shows that this story is pretty smart with the narrative choices that are being made.”

No it doesn’t.

Because the way in which Peter pushed MJ away contradicted his character and made no fucking sense. He had a mid-life crisis in spite of being well under 40 years old.

Also, you can have, by skill or by fluke, a dash of GOOD writing amidst your shitty writing.

A LOT of people would argue the podrace or Duel of the Fates fight in Phantom Menace were legitimately good sequences in an otherwise bad movie.

People broadbrush 90s Marvel as wall to wall trash but equally everyone praises Spider-Man 2099, Joe Kelly’s Deadpool run, Ron Marz’s Green Lantern run, etc.

Goddammit, 99% of all Doctor Who is fans celebrating the bits that were great amidst the bits that were bad. There are no end of Dr. Who stories were fans will praise the set design or costumes whilst shitting on the over all writing.

Shockingly a piece of media can have good AND bad elements!

Whenever someone says a story is good or bad they are almost always speaking OVERALL. A New Hope is OVERALL good. It’s not claiming there aren’t flaws to it.

Dan Slott’s Spider-Man run was OVERALL bad. Even I have said there are good elements to it.

But the mere existence of good elements doesn’t prove that something is overall one thing or another.

In Life Story’s case, let’s pretend RD is right. Then Zdarsky executed a good bit of foreshadowing.

Key word there: ‘bit’.

It doesn’t PROVE the over all story is smart with its narrative choices.

That’s such an utterly childish manner of analysis. ‘Well this bit is good that means everything else has to be good’.

Like how the fuck does doing a good bit of foreshadowing prove that Life Story wasn’t mischaracterizing anyone or knew how to tell a good alternate history story?

Shit, DAN SLOTT had foreshadowing, sometimes it was even competently executed. Didn’t mean it wasn’t happening within the context of mischaracterization.

Trust Bobby Mac to have no grasp of nuance.

“But rather than acknowledging that, instead we get stuff like being concerned with that because Gwen finds out Peter's secret identity at the end of issue 1, that therefore means that Peter is going to be hooking up with Gwen throughout the rest of the story, that this is going to be one big Peter/ Gwen book, that Chip Zdarsky is somehow a Gwen shipper because he wanted to just have her as a best friend in Spectacular, that MJ only having two lines in the first issue means her importance will be diminished overall, and that the whole series is going to try and be a rewrite to push that ship.”

None of the allegedly great foreshadowing RD spoke of above was in issue #1

Even if it was nobody could possibly have talked about that as a point of praise because the nature of foreshadowing is we wouldn’t have realised it was goddam foreshadowing until we finally GOT to the bit it was setting up in later issues

RD has been one of the most involved people in discussions about the Spider-Marriage, frequently clashing with a fell named Mister Mets on CBR and on the linked message board. He knows that Marvel from OMD onwards used to spite fans over OMD and the Spider-Marriage and that circa 2019 when Life Story was being released the latest of such instances had occurred maybe just 1 year earlier in Slott’s Red Goblin storyline. He also knows Zdarsky pissed in the well of the Spider-Marriage fans with his FCBD 2017 Spidey story which involved Mary Jane. So for a heavily burned and abused fanbase to suddenly be concerned that Zdarksy would be pushing an agenda was a totally natural and justified reaction to have at the time even if it was proven incorrect in the long run.

RD is being a shithead again. ‘Ugh, look at these overwrought FaNz. wHy CaNt dey celebrate the GUD stuff and not focus on the WRONG stuff’.The wrong stuff being Zdarsky shitting on the Spider-Man marriage, which he clearly did by breaking up Peter and Mj in the 80s when they didn’t break up then but he needed to ship Peter with Jessica Jones I guess

“Yet here we, two issues later, and Gwen is dead, Peter married MJ and now they have kids.”

And in LF #3 their marriage was in a toxic place and they split up. In issue #4 they get back together but only by Peter giving up being Spider-Man. Almost like the story was saying having a family and being Spidey are incompatible or something.

Shit issue #3 BEGINS with MJ griping about Peter.

“All the reactionary nonsense turned out to be for naught, since the story was going in a different direction, and just because Gwen was prominent early on didn't mean MJ wasn't going to play an important role later.”

It wasn’t reactionary nonsense it was entirely justified reactionary concern. People weren’t concerned that MJ wouldn’t be important but that Zdarsky would be pushing a pro-Gwen/anti-Mj agenda which he at least debatably did and certainly seemed to be doing in the first 3 issues.

“And yet we still continue to see that reactionary nonsense continue with decrying because Peter and MJ leave off on a bad note here, it therefore means the rest of the series will be an unending slide into misery.”

Which was proven partially true.

Issue #4 Harry dies, Peter quits like a coward.

Issue #5 Peter’s child is crippled, his identity is outted, ben Reilly dies and he becomes a fugitive as a super human civil war breaks out.

Issue #6 the world has turned to shit because of that civil war and the only way to fix it is for Spider-Man to die.

But again, he’s missing the point like the fool that he is.

People were concerned and upset BECAUSE the series split Peter and MJ up in the first place. Both because that defied the mission statement of the series but also because they know Peter and MJ WOULDN’T split up and the circumstances engineering it were fucking contrived shit.

“Which then unfortunately leads into bashing the creator himself, which I find incredibly unreasonable given the tremendous job Zdarsky is doing.”

He didn’t do a tremendous job.

Chase the Blues Away, the film school student, had been saying so and continued to say so after RD made this comment. So I guess by his own metric he was full of shit.

This is one of RD’s fundamental and fatal flaws. He’s a hypocrite. Everything is subjective unless it’s the shit HE likes or hates. Then it’s objectively good or bad.

Not to mention no one had been bashing the creator personally. He can’t grasp this either. He doesn’t grasp the distinction between bashing the work of a writer vs. bashing the writer personally.

E.g. he falsely claims I’ve sworn at him. I have sworn at him…here. On my own blog here I don’t feel the need to play nice.

On a public forum? Never. I’ve sworn in the course of conversations with him. I’ve sworn in regards to his argument but never sworn to attack him personally.

“Decrying Zdarsky as some form of hack because halfway through a six part story he's had the protagonist go through a rough time and that he is just putting out "Fan fiction," or- as I saw someone else argue- that the reason Zdarsky did this was because he himself went through marital troubles at one time in his life is just silly.”

It’s really not. He admitted that he wrote MJ in FCBD 2017 as his ex wife.

Fanfiction is exactly what LF was. Peter hooks up with Jessica Jones because…no given reason. It’d make infinitely more sense for that to have been Felicia but it was Jessica Jones. Zdarsky invents his own personal new spin on the Goblin who’s wearing kewl black because why not. He has characters randomly act in any way he wants for the story to happen regardless of how little sense it makes. That’s bad fanfiction 101. He has logic holes you can drive a truck through. FFS Russia launched nukes on America in issue #3 and this DIDN”T result in all out nuclear Armageddon. That’s amateuris

“Just like it's silly to say that D&B from GoT are purposefully destroying the show because they hate it and they hate women and they just want to move onto Star Wars,”

This is at worst a strawman.

At best an utterly myopic oversimplification.

The MAJORITY of people crying out against GoT season 8 weren’t claiming D&B were engaging in deliberate sabotage but rather they were ruining the series via their incompetence and RUSHING to get to the end.

Additionally the idea that they are misogynists is REALLY not a ‘silly’ argument. MANY people throughout the show’s history have made that argument, long before the popular opinion was that the show was bad,

A season 4 subplot that was heavily embellished (to the point of being called practically original) from the books entailed rogue Night’s Watchmen raping a household of women beyond the Wall. The most infamous line from the subplot was ‘Fuck them all to death.’

In that same season Jamie Lannister makes sexual advances on his sister Cersei even though she was saying no.

Sansa Stark, in a scene not in the books, was raped by Ramsey Bolton with the focus being upon Theon Greyjoy’s horror at the situation.

And of course there is ever so slightly a dash of gratuitous nudity involving women in the show.

Look, I’m not even saying for sure that D&B hate women or that that was at the root of how they fucked up Daenerys’ character in season 8.

But it’s idiotic to just dismiss the idea as wholesale silly as Smac a Mac is doing above.

“when in reality D&B were the reason the show got made in the first place and all those great female characters were brought to television for a wider audience to experience.”

Hollywood had been wanting to adapt George R. R. Martin’s books for years before he let D&B do it

Their first pilot was so bad they had to reshoot it.

They weren’t the reason we got those great female characters. Martin’s writing was why we got those characters and those good stories and why anyone wanted to make his books into a live action property at all.

Again, RD FAILING at nuance. A female character can have good writing AND bad writing. They can be good over all but drop the ball in certain moments. They can be great for 7 seasons but then fumble disastrously at the finish line. An opinion shared by all those critics that went to film school

Writers can be capable of doing good female characters even if they are misogynists. Writers who are not misogynists are capable of still being sexist at times. Friggin Stan Lee had sexist female characters in spite of also inventing Mary Jane who is lauded as a great female character even in the 1960s. Again, nuance. Mac Attac ain’t good at it.

“We can dislike or criticize a work without having to demonize the creators,”

It’s not demonizing D&B or Zdarsky to call them incompetent writers.

“and I think it's just become far too easy nowadays for people to rationalize their statements by making the creators themselves into remorseless villains, since that justifies them acting however they please in response.”

And it’s become far too difficult for me to stomach any more of this piece of shit.

*For what it is worth, these events are also listed on TV Tropes under the Face Heel Turn page:

Daenerys herself falls victim to this in the final seasons. Her actions in Essos had the purest of intentions: fighting against the Dothraki's misogyny and ending slavery in western Essos. Even her morally questionable acts still had these goals in mind. But when she set her sights on conquering Westeros, which is more or less a standard medieval European setting, her only goal was conquest. Even her claim that the Iron Throne is her birthright falls short since her father was killed due to his madness and love of burning things. Dany really doesn't help her case by burning alive any captive soldiers who don't side with her. This culminates with her slaughtering most of King's Landing's civilian population in the penultimate episode. Had the show started with the sixth season, there'd be no question that she is Daddy's Little Villain, her tragic backstory and past heroic deeds being a footnote at best.

**This is especially ironic as he’s accused me of doing the same.

Me, I’ve called people out or corrected them when they have gotten facts wrong. I’ve even said they don’t know what they are talking about. The difference is I’m not doing it just on principal as he is here.

I’ve never said someone doesn’t belong in the fandom or is not a real fan. Yet here RDMacQ is outright disqualifying people from having the legitimacy to critique comic books unless they’ve gone through what he deems the ‘appropriate steps’.

If I have told someone they are wrong or don’t know what they are talking about or don’t understand the material I have corroborative EVIDENCE to back it up. Their own statements prove that point.

E.g. RDMacQ doesn’t understand Norman Osborn’s character. Why? Because his statements contradicts the clear cut TEXT (not the subtext) of the source material. See? The source material is the EVIDENCE that supports my accusation. But RDMacQ doesn’t believe in analysis that way and has told me so himself.

***This laughable in he modern day and age where film criticism is so transparently ideologically driven as opposed to sincerely critiquing the merits of a film.

Hence why Bob Chipman and most other professional critics laud works like the Last Jedi which a fifth grader can see has little internal consistency.

#RDMacQ #Catharsis #Spider-Man #Game of Thrones #Dan Slott #Mary Jane Watson #Superior Spider-Man #MovieBob #Bob Chipman #daenerys targeryan

14 notes · View notes

taeguboi · 4 years

Text

BTS as... ‘ordinary’ employees

Okay so when I say ‘ordinary’ I mean as in not famous basically. This is more what I just have personally imagined them doing and I think I’ve lost that somewhat ‘realistic’ touch I used to have a few years back when I was more of an avid writer for this blog and could have an idea of their actual personalities, current likes, etc. This is also in no way a reflection of what I think they are and aren’t capable of so please don’t scream at me if your bias has a ‘lower’ role than you might have expected.

Sorry I do like to blabber on before these things, don’t I?

I hope everybody is staying safe anyways and happy imagining!

BTS as... Masterlist here

Pawn Shop Sales Assistant

learning everything about every thing

if you have an object to sell for cash

he probably knows everything about it

or at least like a lot about it

his career is in early days right now

because it’s a family trade

but he learns from the best

but asks not to be favourited over other staff just because he’s the manager’s son

like you know he wants someone to tell him if they think he didn’t get a good deal for that ring

no special treatment please

sometimes uses a bit of the old charm to get a good deal

many girls like that

some of the guys not so much

especially the boyfriends

whoops

meets his wife there

she’s a fairly regular customer

buying good finds from charity shops

or finding stuff in the house

and taking them to the pawn shop to get by and save up a little

they really click

after like the 11th visit he finally plucks up the courage to ask her out

“so, uh... I clock off soon and I was wondering if....

uh....”

and he gets quite flustered because he really likes her

“... would you like to maybe grab a coffee with me?”

and she sort of teases him to fluster him

“I don’t like coffee”

“Oh erm....”

“Just kidding”

and inside he’s like “don’t DO that to me!”

fast forward a few years and he’s got a kid with her

but anyway back to joon as an employee

has many many friends in and around the industry

just people over the years who he’s needed to contact to double check some stuff about an item

sometimes there’s the odd nutter who comes into the shop

like any shop really let’s be honest

but oddly enough, Namjoon has a calming effect on them

maybe he’s just really patient

maybe he has great negotiating skills

but if someone kicks off at one of his colleagues

it’s resolved in under ten - fifteen minutes

he reasons with people who are shocked to find out that their gold isn’t actually real gold

or negotiates with those who thought they had something worth more

or sometimes just has to outright sass back at the aggressive ones

but most people find him to be an agreeable guy

banter with his dad / manage

rand although he gets on with everyone there

there’s that one colleague that just becomes his best mate

and this mate is also in on the banter

but again, there’s no staff feeling left out or not getting the same treatment

it’s a family business

and anyone that helps them along the way is family too

Jin

Sales Assistant

in a big supermarket

stacking shelves

helps customers that can’t reach the higher shelves

such a gentleman

lovely customer service

some wish they could give him a tip

but he wouldn’t take it most of the time even if it was allowed

he doesn’t need to be paid to show basic kindness

it’s just manners really

but he doesn’t fully realise how much he goes above and beyond

very patient at explaining stuff to people

he’ll repeat directions 10 times if he has to

and he helps the elderly make smarter shopping choices

not that his manager knows that though

because he’s supposed to focus on building up bigger transactions

but what can he say

he’s just a people person

empathy and understanding levels are like 1000/10

a good bean

wish you could be served by him all the time

people purposely queue up at his lane when he’s on tills

because he just provides a friendly smile

and pleasant conversation

“how was your day?”

and he’s not saying it because he has to

he’s genuinely interested in what everybody has to say

takes forever but becomes a supervisor

some of his workers often mistake his kindness for dumbness

is that a word, ‘dumb...ness’?

but actually he more than knows what he’s doing

cashes up faster than anyone else ever

has solid ideas to help both business and customer

and whilst it’s a bit difficult getting them out there to higher people

they go for it

from ideas about what customers have previously asked for that the store doesn’t - didn’t - have

to community projects courtesy of tokens from shoppers

even a park that gets set up nearby is named after him

he may seem like just a sales guy to an outsider

but really he’s the heart of the local community

Suga

Tech Support

the funniest you could come across

you know, if you were listening in to the way he deals with some

just pay attention and there won’t be any problems

sometimes he’ll have those days where he’s like

*sigh*

“Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

totally not an IT Crowd reference oops

but seriously that can work like half the time

used to work in some dull office

but took his work to his house

he can basically work wherever and whenever he wants now

as long as he’s got a laptop and a connection

that is the one change he made in his life that made him a lot happier

because although some might turn their noses up to a job like this

it suits him down to the bone

and he doesn’t really care to change career paths any time soon

is up to date with all the tech trends

owns one of everything

well most things

he even has like a drawer of many phones

it’s like a museum of the company he works for lmao

has this spare room that he turned into an office

which definitely could be mistaken for a man cave

the ultimate problem solver

in work and in life

like he can get a phone call about a super complex problem

and he knows what to do just like that

or a mate has a problem with some relationship

and the reply he gives them is just wow

and he’ll have just made their problem sound a lot less stressful or problematic

loves to help people in and out of work

he understands that the people he is helping might be at their worst moment in their work

or it’s an older person desperately wanting to contact family

he doesn’t just solve the technological problems

he calms you at the beginning of the call

he motivates you at the end and wishes you luck

he talks you through the technology in layman’s terms so you can understand what it is you’re doing

and that attitude continues in his social life

he’s the sober friend when you’re crying in the club toilet drunk

he’s the friend that comes knocking on your door because he hasn’t heard from you in a while and he wants to check everything is okay

he will drop you a phone call the day after to see how you’re hanging

or just because

just because he’s an absolute sweetheart

J-Hope

College Tutor

the type that is fairly laid back

but won’t take any shit

so go through your assignment at your own pace

just don’t take the mickey

like he will understand that you might have some personal shit going on

and he’ll extend a deadline under special circumstances

but don’t push your luck by lying to him

happy to have banter with the students

makes lessons fun

but also productive

actually the most productive class(es) of anyone’s day

he’s just one of those tutors you’d love

because he’s engaging

and there’s that one other tutor that no one really likes

because this other guy is boring, dull, basically almost jealous of the students and their ambitions

and although Hoseok won’t say a bad word about his colleague

he can teach you more in half an hour than the other guy does in the entire year

and when you pass the unit he won’t even take credit for the significant part he played

really fucking modest

but he really is one of those teachers that builds lives

keeps quite to himself generally though

has just a small group of friends outside of the college

it’s important to him to keep professional and personal life different

just an overall cool guy

very fair

some say a bit boring

but he’s just sensible really

no one from colleges knows he has a wife

some girls swoon over him and speculate he could be single

and usually he’s oblivious to / ignores any flirting

he’s just here to do his job

he’s here to educate

and he’s here to help you

and he’s happy to help you

Jimin

Dance Instructor

yes, it’s a bit of a typical idea, sorry

but come on

dishy dance teacher whilst you try to learn a style of dance

some students may or may not purposely so bits wrong

because they know Jimin can sometimes be quite physical in his teaching

“Okay, no worries, let’s go back to that bit... It goes like...”

and he’s just behind you to guide you

nice

has his own dance school

holds sessions in the local community centre every weekday night

Monday: contemporary

Tuesday: Street Dance

Wednesday: Musical Theatre

Thursday: Tap

Friday: Ballet

the little un’s are in from 4pm - 5pm

preteens 5pm -6pm

teens / young adults 6pm - 7pm

and finally the adults at 8pm

it sounds like hard work

but dance is all Jimin knows

he’s more than used to is

his stamina is so good

and once his business as a teacher gets up and running

he can afford to put on shows

to showcase all the hard work his students have done

every year, some time in spring

the nearest theatre in town

it’s not as successful as, say, the pantomimes at xmas

but there are plenty of family and friends of the students interested

parents come to watch their kids

adults come to watch their friends

and so on

He has so much faith in everyone

and is proud of every little achievement

at kid’s tap class he’ll be like “wow Sally! that’s amazing! you did a pick up!”

or “keep it going Amanda, you can do it!” at adult ballet

but it’s not just dance achievements he’s interested about

the things you do in your life matter too

sometimes he can be like a therapist

pulls you aside after class if he doesn’t think you were quite as on it as usual today

“are you okay today? you seemed distracted”

yes by your beautiful presence

just kidding

kinda

and you can just tell him

he’s always there to listen if you need to talk about something that you don’t want to tell friends or family

he’s there for anything really

like maybe a teen is struggling with exams

and his encouragement really contributes to them pulling through

“you passed maths! I’m so proud! I knew you could do it!”

and there’s always the big squeezy hug that follows

he loves everyone

everyone loves him

no one can say a bad word about him

like seriously, no one can

Vintage store owner

Tae always wanted to own a shop

ever since he was a kid

he didn’t quite know what it was that appealed to him

but just the idea of running a store that’s your own

that’s the dream he worked towards

ever since school

weekend jobs

errands for neighbours

he saved every penny

and invested it on the cute little building

on the block before the high street

Not like a charity shop

well some of the stock is second hand

but that’s because it’s real vintage

actually not just vintage, further back than that

like some of his stock can be referred to as ‘antique’

anything that has history

everything in his little shop has a story

the decorative chandelier that belonged to a middle class family in the early 1900′s

a vase made in Japan that someone brought back from touring the country years ago

velvet upholstery that could have been part of a noble household in Europe

glassware from the 70′s with intricate design

just cool stuff

you could spend hours in his shop

knows a lot about antiques, collectables, etc

blink and you’ll miss if you want something there

if you see it and you love it the first time you go in

you better buy it

because it’ll be gone even by this evening

his knowledge makes him a brilliant sales person

because the way he delivers the information about an object

just makes you want to buy it

so as you can imagine, sales are always good

everyone within a couple miles radius probably has something in their home bought from Tae’s store

Jungkook

Firefighter

because phwoar

lmao sorry

wait, no I’m not

can’t you just imagine it though

the uniform

the muscles

okay sorry not sorry

a true hero

like sure, all of his colleagues are too, of course

but he goes that little bit extra

takes more risks

he doesn’t let much scare him

passionate about what he does

can mean he gets a bit extra in other aspects of his life

because he knows the dangers of literally anything

like you leave the hairdryer plugged in a few minutes after using it and he’s like

“NOOO!”

*dramatically, almost full takes a leaping dive to get there, unplugs it*

adrenaline rushes

he lives for those

a very can do attitude

feels amazing after rescuing anyone from anything

it could be a cat in a tree, evacuating people in a flood, or a person from a house fire

if he has helped them, it’s all rewarding

just good at everything

the job of course prepared him for lots

but he’s just like REALLY good at everything

first aid pro

ultimate calming skills

navigation and driving - smooth

excellent judgement

even the science behind it all, he knows more than enough

all that jazz

he often gives lessons to younger people

because it’s important that incidents can be prevented

he’s very popular when he makes appearances in schools

because all the girls fancy him

obvs

some guys too hahaha

and I don’t just mean the ones that are quite sure they might be gay

anyways

pretty close to being a real life super hero

like he has to work at unsociable hours

but everyone in the area knows him

there’s hardly a street he walks down without someone saying hello

and even when they’re experiencing some of the worst possible situations

he just brings smiles to people’s faces

13 notes · View notes

kunrendeotaku · 3 years

Text

Chapter 14

Star immediately snaps to it, figuring out how to open her box of nuggets quickly. She tosses one in her mouth and begins munching down. A frown quickly forms, and she sticks out a surprisingly long tongue to look at the mushed goop on her tongue. “Something wrong, Star?” I ask, leaning back and away from her. Gross gross gross. Who does this?

Her tongue disappears back into her mouth to finish chewing the gross looking chicken before it can completely destroy my own appetite. Thankfully she swallows before answering “I don’t know… it's hard to explain. Like, sure, it's tasty, but it's so different. I can’t taste any real obvious corn products, which we put in literally everything on Mewni. The taste is chicken, I think, but that texture is so odd. It's gonna take me a while to get used to the food here. Sugary sweets are the same everywhere, though! That drink and cake this morning were both amazing.”

Interesting stuff. I assume there's things she doesn’t even have the ability to put words for. Are both of our dimension’s chickens even the same species? Do we have the same periodic table, the same taste buds or dietary needs? And if her society is medieval, she’ll not have any answers to any of the bigger science questions. Hell, if they’re a magical society they might never develop that far down the science route. I suppose I should be grateful that we’re so similar to each other physically, most people would never guess that Star was a different species. “Hey, Star, that reminds me.” I open up our dipping sauces and demonstrate their purpose for my new alien friend by soaking a nugget in sweet and sour and munching down on it. “What are your people called? Like, on Earth we’re humans as a species, American is our nationality from the country we currently live in, I’m of Latin descent in terms of what I look like physically and where my ancestors come from. What about you?”

Star takes to the dipping sauce like a fish to water, alternating between licking straight from the container and actually dipping her food into it. She also begins munching on her fries with far less confusion than earlier, I imagine salted potato sticks are less of a culture shock than processed food. “Well, our dimension is called Mewni, so anyone who looks mostly like me is considered a Mewman. Our continent is divided up into several different kingdoms, along with the wildlands where the monsters live. The Butterfly kingdom is the place where I’m the princess of, so I guess that would be our nation. I’m not sure we have a proper term for our nationality thing, just citizens of the Butterfly kingdom. Half my ancestry is the Butterfly family, who all tend to be really fair skinned, slight, pretty people. We’ve historically been very rich, as my family controls the wand, the most powerful magical artifact on Mewni. This doesn’t make us the leader of all the other kingdoms, really, but we’re the most powerful individually and tend to take the lead when alliances need to be formed or outside forces need to be dealt with. My father is not a Butterfly, though! He’s from the Johanssen clan, a family of massive warriors and monster hunters. That’s where I get my monster fighting from, I think.” Star lifts up her arm and flexes a rather impressive bicep, though it's less amazing considering she still is covered in grime and now has sweet and sour sauce around her mouth.

Wow, that was quite the info dump. I allow the conversation to fade away into the near silence of crunching and munching on our lunch while I consider all of that. The biggest surprise of all is that my dumbass friend actually remembered all that. It sounds like she was quoting from some lecture or something, they must have really tried hard to get it to stick. I say a brief prayer for whoever suffered through that particular experience. More seriously, I had no idea that wand was that important. It still kind of looks like a plastic pink toy to me. Is that why Ludo wanted it? So that the monsters could try to overturn the powerful Butterfly family? Hmm.

I’ve heard her refer to dimensions quite a lot, as well. She doesn’t seem to refer to planets much. Did they gain access to the multiverse before they even fully explored their whole planet? I’m not sure what kind of scale Star is talking about when she talks about her whole continent, but I get the feeling her kingdom is actually pretty small if she managed to set the whole thing on fire in a few days. Maybe I should set up a homeschooling curriculum for her to help catch her up on Earth history, politics, religion, and geography. She might be the worst student possible, but I’m sure I could manage to beat the basics into her head given time.

But for now, we both seem to have finished up our lunch though. We can have more info sharing later, probably, since I’m sure she’s already getting bored of it. “Hey, Star, let's get out of here. I’ve got a couple more friends I’d like you to meet, these guys I -actually- like.”

“Sure!” The Mewman gal slides out of the booth and starts skipping towards the exit, her eyes constantly on all the new things that she sees. The longer I spend with her, the more I understand how truly strange and new my mundane life is for her. Since she clearly adores adventure as much as I do, I find it difficult to really become frustrated at her various antics. I’d be the same in her shoes, if maybe a bit more sane about it.

“Where’d you get this wagon anyway?” I ask once we’ve made it back to our vehicle of choice. Star only responds with a shrug, which does not make me feel any better about its origin.

“Who cares? We’re not gonna be pulling it anyway. I’m done with that gig. Hop in!” Star jumps into the wagon, landing on her backside with a giggle. She slaps the bottom of the thing in front of her, clearly excited for what she has planned. Then again, when isn’t she excited? Considering it's just a boring old wagon and no one else is around, I imagine our method of locomotion is going to involve magic.

“I-I’m not sure, Star. This doesn’t seem safe, like, at all. And I don’t even know what you’re going to do yet.” Star rolls her eyes, then points more aggressively down at the space in front of her.

“Get in the wheely box, Diaz.” I grumble a little bit more, but my adrenaline junkie side just barely manages to win out over my dedication towards keeping my head on my shoulders where it belongs. I hop in, grabbing the sides of the wagon and preparing myself. What’ll she do? Summon a horse to pull us? Shoot a rocket from our back? Give the wagon sentience?

“Super Sparkle Box Fly Wings!” I hear yelled out behind me, along with a flash of pink light. Oh god, that does not sound good. Wings?! We don’t have a flying permit! Do you need something like that?! I’m pretty sure it's illegal to be in US airspace over a certain distance! And we don’t have any seat belts! I let out a whimper that quickly turns into a scream when giant purple wings pop into existence on the side of our wagon and lift us up way higher than should be possible in just one flap.

“STAR! Why would you do this?! We’re going to fall and definitely DIEEEEEE” My voice is lost to the rushing of air past our improvised flying vehicle as it experiments with its capabilities, dipping up and down in dramatic nose dives, corkscrews, and loop de loops. I feel like I’m on the most violent roller coaster to ever exist, with no seatbelts. The only thing holding me in place is one of Star’s arms around my waist, my iron grip on the sides of the wagon, and centrifugal force at times. On the bright side, I’ve managed to completely and totally forget about the feeling of lacking all body hair.

#svtfoe #star vs the forces of evil #rating: mature #marco diaz #fanfiction #fanfic

1 note · View note

r-ahh-mi · 4 years

Text

He // Chapter 6

Prompt II Chapter 1 II Chapter 2 II Chapter 3 II Chapter 4 II Chapter 5

Pairing: Rami Malek x OC (Beth)

Warnings: Angst, smoking, and swearing.

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Sorry it has been ages since i’ve written or updated this series, however the inspiration to write randomly hit me and i’m hoping it stays with me. Lastly, three asterisks (***) indicate a flashback which you will see at the end of this chapter. Hope you enjoy xx

Tag: @hazeleyedbeth @sassystrawberryk @amcquivey @cleopatra-knowles @lovelymalekk @mezzomercury @sherlollydramoine @rami-malek-trash @xmxisxforxmaybe @soothysayer @moon-stars-soul @ramimedley

I was massively disappointed to find that mine and Rami’s walk back to his place was, once again, full of silence. The thought that maybe, just maybe, since he had made the initiative to say a couple words to me earlier, when I was lost in my own daydreams, that he could possibly drop a few more words. Maybe a ‘how are you’ or hell, even a simple ‘hi’ would do me much better than the awkward climate we were immersing ourselves in. Though, I suppose I wasn’t doing much better seeing as I never made any attempts at speaking to him either—I also wasn’t dealing with the death of a very, very close family member like he was either.

But there I go again. Giving him a pass, making excuses for him over and over again; I’d gone through way too many years of therapy, both personal and professional, to continue this toxic behavior and acceptance I held high above his head, especially after all the wrong that he still hadn’t explained to me. He was imperfect and I needed to quit thinking that I had some input into the wrong he did to me. Though we seemed perfect and he seemed perfect, clearly this was not the case and I needn’t set Rami atop this make believe throne in my mind. He was a human being full of flaws and sadly it had to take a life changing event and me losing what we had to realize such a thing.

The rest of the evening was nothing eventful. More cumbersome quiet between me and Rami, more banter between me and Sami just to fill the tension in the air up with something other than the sound of all of us chewing our mediocre food. Of course I wasn’t expecting much from either of them. They were both exhausted, mentally more than physically. They deserved a moment to breathe and I wasn’t one to attempt to get some words out of either of them right now. I knew they needed quiet.

Early into the evening, Sami expressed his desire to sleep as he stood from his previously seated position on the couch and extended his arms overhead, exposing the slightest bit of tan skin that peaked from above the top of his jeans. I looked, of course I looked and though I didn’t realize it at that moment, but Rami noticed how my eyes flickered to the newly shown skin on his brothers lower stomach even though it was anything but lustful on my end. His eyebrows formed into a straight, crunched up line as he watched me with closed, pursed lips.

“Night.” Rami’s voice boomed like an echo through the living room as I drew my eyes over to him. He looked mad and upset all at the same time, not that that was much of a change. I hadn’t seen his expression look anywhere close to happy ever since I arrived here so I didn’t think much of it.

“Night Beth,“ Sami shook his head with a much perkier voice that was contrasting to his brothers tone while he gave my shoulder a friendly squeeze as he passed by.

“Night Sami and Rami,” I greeted, apparently much too friendly for Rami’s liking as he turned around and gave me a not so friendly look before opening and closing the wooden door to his bedroom just a tad more louder than normal.

“You two are something else’, Sami bellowed from the end of the hallway before also descending behind his bedroom door.

I hadn’t realized that I too was tired as I let out a yawn that seemed to pulse through my whole body—my muscles instantly screaming out to me how sore they were as I stretched my arms high above my head while my yawn rode through my body. Seeing as there was a two hour time difference between home and here, I’m surprised I didn’t crash before the two brothers, but it seemed like my time to sleep could be near.

I traveled down the same hallway, this time turning a small corner to the guest bedroom door that I found to be inviting enough–it was minimalistic, yet still full of modern touches here and there and I couldn’t complain about being given a free bed to sleep in for however long I was here for. I slipped myself into some much more comfier clothing and tucked myself into bed, expecting myself to fall asleep relatively quickly due to my body clock being two hours off from its regular schedule and given the extensive travel i had done today, but that wasn’t the case. It had been an hour since I situated myself under the comfy goose feather comforter and yet sleep did not seem to want to be found. I tossed and turned, scrolled through my phone, and tossed and turned some more, yet my brain couldn’t find it in itself to shut off enough for me to slip into a barely conscious state.

My hand already knew what to do on nights such as these as my fingers grasped my pack of cigarettes that I’d left next to my nightstand, as if deep down I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight and that I’d be in dire need of nicotine as I usually was on evenings where I couldn’t sleep—on the nights where I just needed the warmth and comfort of another, but a very specific another. With slow and agile feet, I tiptoed my way down the hall, cringing everytime a creak emanated through the apartment. Fortunately, I seemed to make it to the kitchen without waking up the two sleeping boys, even after I reached for a drinking glass from the top cabinet and ‘dinged’ the crystal clear object against another glass cup. Once my glass had been filled to the brim with some tap water, I ensured that my cigarettes and lighter were stuffed inside the middle pocket on my hoodie and slid open the back patio door.

That first inhale was heavenly. It was as though I was able to breathe in–breathe out the anxiety and sadness all in a matter of seconds and grant myself a small amount of escape and relief from where I was in the world. By the time I was half way through my cigarette, my body had stopped the buzzing of anxious feelings that it was experiencing for the better part of my day which got me thinking just how much this entire trip was really getting to me and doing so very quickly.

It seemed to be doing me much worse seeing him and interacting with him in our current state. Primarily, I blame this on the sick little story line I played out in my head of us seeing each other once again, after all these years, and running into one another’s arms and some other fairy tale bullshit. He’d envelope his arms around me and whisper sweet little words in my ear about how much he missed me and wanted to spend his life with me, and I would reciprocate my adoration for him and simply just not let go of him ever again. But, that wasn’t real and I needed to be realistic. I needed to let my mind come to terms that this is where we stood right now and likely how we would be. We were barely able to speak to each other and when we did it was awkward or fueled with words that hurt and the scary part is, I’m not so sure that it would ever change.

I almost wished I could go back to being in my own little day dream of us rekindling. Because living with our last interaction or rather my last interaction with his assistant where I spat several awful and valid words at them over the phone, seemed a little bit nicer than our present reality.

***

“I–I just, I don’t understand. What do you mean.”

“Mr. Malek wanted me to tell you that he can no longer continue a romantic relationship with you.” His assistant repeated for the second time, though I was still deep in shock to process what was going on and why it was happening.

“Yeah I know,” I spat, “I heard you the first time. I just don’t understand why–why–what is going on? Where is Rami?”

“He’s… uhm,” His assistant hesitated for a moment as she pulled the phone away from her mouth and looked expectantly to Rami who was busy getting his wardrobe together for his day of shooting. Rami didn’t look in her direction, though he knew his assistant was silently calling out to him for help.

“Mr. Malek is busy at-”

“Too busy that he can’t fucking break up with me himself? Too busy that he has to get his fucking assistant to do it for him because he’s too much of a pussy to say it to my face? Yeah i’m sure he’s too busy to do any of those things.”

The phone went quiet on my end, but I’m sure his assistant could hear my heavy breathing and sobs that began ripping out from my throat as my mind attempted to wrap itself around what had just happened.

I didn’t understand. We had just talked last night and everything was fine. He was tired, but happy sounding and nothing seemed off–last night we were fine and now we were nothing and the worst part is he couldn’t even tell me what was wrong. What happened? Did he cheat on me and simply not want to face the facts? Was he too busy with his career to make time for me and just found this better for the both of us? I weighed and weighed and weighed the options in my head and this just wasn’t him. Rami wasn’t like this. We had great communication and honesty all throughout our relationship–why was he choosing now to be so distant especially with it being the end of us and everything we had built about throughout our seven years of knowing one another.

I figured the rest of the phone call was pointless–his assistant didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of the rush of feelings I was having so I simply hung up and, in a moment of scattered sad and mad emotions, threw my phone across the room. It aggressively slammed into the wall and I didn’t care if the screen cracked or if my phone case had a dent in it because absolutely nothing mattered right now besides Rami and why he was doing this to me. I was utterly and completely confused beyond belief.

Rami’s POV (flashback cont.):

“I think she hung up on me. She doesn’t seem to be responding any-”

“Just hang up.” Though my tone of voice seemed normal to my assistant, she couldn’t see my face and the pained expression that ran across it and she especially didn’t see the tears softly leaking from my eyes and created small pathways down my cheek. Thankfully, my back was to her as I faced a nearby wall and buttoned up my shirt which kept my hands busy as they shook with emotions that had been taking over my thoughts and actions ever since that phone call with my brother earlier this morning.

“Do you need anything else from me?”

I’d almost forgotten that my assistant was still in the room, probably writing her two weeks notice in her head to prepare to hand to me in a matter of days, hell, maybe not even that long. What I made her do wasn’t exactly in her job description.

“No–thank you for doing that.”

And with that, she exited the room giving me exactly what I wanted; no questioning, no attempts to comfort me–she left me alone and that’s exactly what I was determined to be from now on, alone. Alone was the best because when you’re alone no one can hurt you; no one can keep secrets from you that would break your heart should you ever find out about them.

***

#rami malek #rami malek fic #rami malek x reader #rami malek fanfiction #rami malek writing #rami malek angst #rami malek fluff

40 notes · View notes

bojokehorseman · 5 years

Text

The Big BJ Meta

Part One: Analysis of Seasons 1 - 5

So Bojack is a show that is as much about morality and accountability as it is about dealing with existential loneliness and trauma. And bc Boj season six is the first part of an accumulation of a six season journey, we need to recap a little.

[major triggers for alcohol, drugs, parental abuse, sexual abuse and physical abuse]

Season 1 introduces us to this dissatisfied, overly-privileged, cynical narcissist. Boj, in my opinion, is prototypical of literally any male art teacher: a self-proclaimed worldly artist who’s given up on his dreams and tends to take it out on everyone else & self destruct despite his occasional moments of genuine wit. We briefly explore his neglectful childhood and his dysfunctional influence on his TV daughter, Sarah Lynn, that continues to present day.

Diane’s book—which, inexplicably, is clearly not written as a ghostwritten autobio but maybe this breach in contract is bc the penguin editor is so desperate—anyways, boj’s strong negativity to Diane’s book represents not only his self hatred but his inability to accept the way he’s perceived by others. He wants to disassociate from the bad parts of his personality as to avoid their consequences and continue the cycle anew. When Bojack asks Diane if he’s a good person “deep down”, Diane tells him he can only be a good person by doing good things. Looking back at the relationships he’s sabotaged: Herb, Todd, Diane, even Sarah Lynn, this depresses him. However, his tell-all book and his negative worldview are what get him his dream role. The season ends with him signing an autograph at the planetarium, subsequent to watching old Horsin Around DVDs. I suspect he visited the planetarium in an attempt to reconnect w Sarah Lynn (conscious or otherwise), meanwhile the autograph signifies that on a superficial level, he’s on top of the world.

Boj season 2 explores how he tries to “cure” his depression by pushing down his negative feelings and replacing them with new goals, new furniture, new podcasts. But as Kelsey Jennings says, people get stuck in a loop of arrested development when their emotional growth goes unchallenged, exemplified by the fact that Boj finds himself dating the one and only woman on Earth who’s mentally stuck in the eighties due to a twenty-year coma. This aggressive positivity to the point of delusion shows up especially when Bojack is unable to act out serious scenes in secretariat and is more comically exemplified in Princess Carolyn’s relationship to a ten year old in a trench coat.

Boj’s self-help attitude subsides when he receives a call from his emotionally vaulted mother and Herb dies of a peanut allergy. With the realisation that his dream job hasn’t fulfilled him, he seeks meaning in his old crush Charlotte who was once Herb’s beard. The reality that Charlotte’s settled down with a family in New Mexico, thus crushing his domestic fantasy of them living in a cottage in mane, spurs him further into escapism and destructive tendencies. He takes adavange of Charlotte’s teenaged daughter, having displaced his feelings toward Charlotte onto Penny. (Themes of sexual assault are also explored in the Hanky After Dark B plot.) Charlotte kicks him out and Bojack tries to mend his relationship with Todd by rescuing him from Scientologists an improv cult. Bojack then renames the Bojack Horseman Orphanage (funded by his horsin around money) in honour of Herb. The Jogging Baboon tells him, ‘Every day it gets easier. But you gotta do it everyday. That’s the hard part. But it gets easier.’ Despite his inappropriate bender with Penny, Bojack ends the season with small efforts to become a better person, through action rather than superficial notions of “deep down” or self help.

In s3, Boj spends the season promoting a movie he wasn’t actually in. During the award winning silent episode which makes the most use out of the series’ drowning metaphor (water as depression; swimming as the acceptance of accountability and the small daily acts that connect you with people and make life bearable), Bojack’s failed attempt to reconcile with Kelsey for getting her fired leads him instead into rescuing a baby seahorse separated from their father. Boj, however still has not found a sense of meaning in his life as he admits to Jill Pill that he wants to make work that “connects with people” and “lasts” and hopes that an Oscar win will afford him the legacy he craves. Bojack further sabotages his relationship with Todd when he sleeps w Todd’s high school sweetheart, Emily (notably after he’s sabotaged then saved a lesbian wedding). Shenanigans lead him to reminisce with Princess Carolyn, admitting that he loves her but ultimately refusing to be her client. Bojack loses his Oscar then spirals back into yet another season finale depressive episode, once more with Sarah Lynn. After Sarah Lynn dies, Bojack goes along with Ethan’s idea of a spinoff of Horsin Around but eventually leaves, scared he’ll recreate his destructive tendencies with (and possibly kill) his child actor co-star. After Todd burns their bridge, Boj is aimlessly driving his Tesla at suicidal speeds until he notices a group of horses racing in the desert, moved by the authenticity of what Secretariat merely imitates.

Season 4 has Bojack try to reconcile his mother’s trauma with the abuse she made him suffer all while Beatrice isn’t lucid enough to be cognitively present. Hollyhock, as his potential daughter, is symbolically aligned with Penny and Sarah Lynn: young women who faced the consequences of Bojack’s toxicity. This season’s twist, however, introduces the idea that Bojack is a part of a cycle of abuse. Hollyhock is his sister, conceived bc of his father’s affair with the maid. Her abandonment at birth isn’t Bojacks’s fault but rather Butterscotch’s infidelity and Beatrice’s obsession with class and appearances (which is admittedly a v pragmatic move in her point of view). Beatrice’s trauma w food disorder explains her abusive behaviour towards Hollyhock who herself becomes traumatised and physically ill from the diet pills Beatrice hid in Holly’s smoothies. Bojack finds hope in Hollyhock who stands as evidence that his legacy of trauma and abuse isn’t inherent, Hollyhock, however has to deal with the trauma of being secretly drugged.

Season five more explicitly explores themes of sexual abuse, previously only briefly touched upon with Penny and Hank’s characters. Bojack stars as a jaded street smart detective, an uncanny charicature of his own personality. This season has Bojack try in earnest to be sober. In Free Churro, another award winning experimental episode, Bojack nihilistically reflects on his relationship with his mother. With her death, all of his abusers will have gone to the other side, leaving him with the responsibility of continuing or abolishing the abuse cycle. When Boj develops an addiction to painkillers, he spirals down an addiction hole that compromises his relationship w co-star Gina and even his relationship to reality. Bojack physically assaults her onset. Gina decides not to go public to further her career. Diane discovers Bojack’s history with Penny and writes it into the story of Bojack’s show before confronting him about it directly at the premiere. Bojack admits to Diane that he feels victimised by the guilt his abuse causes him, signaling that Boj is still in denial and unable to accept the consequences of his actions. (“Fun” fact Boj hints at what he did to Sharona in this scene) Bojack later consfesses to Diane that he thinks he’s a bad person while Diane accuses him of using black and white morality to avoid his own sense of responsibility because there’s “no such thing as bad people” only “bad actions”. Diane decides that Bojack is a bad influence for her, Bojack admits he doesn’t know how to take responsibility for himself and Diane drives him to rehab.

TL ; DR

Season one was about accepting the dissonance between your self perception and your actions.

Season two asserts that trying to escape from yourself or finding purpose in superficial goals that aren’t oriented toward connection w others is futile. Meaning comes from bridging the gap through small acts of (empathetic) honesty and kindness, as The Jogging Baboon advises.

In season three, Boj tries but is not ultimately able to come to terms with the people he’s hurt, namely Sarah Lynn and Penny. The guilt consumes him and he copes once more through escapism and self-destruction until an epiphany in the form of running horses makes him realise what his life might look like if he was honest with himself.

Season four explores Bojack’s actions in the context of his childhood trauma as well as the trauma of his own abusers: his mother. His sister represents a fallacy in his fatalistic notion that all Horseman dna is toxic and offers him hope.

Season five however comes with the confession that Bojack doesn’t know how to properly take responsibility for his actions, as a celebrity he’s never truly held accountable and is enabled to continue to indulge in escapism and denial. This season marks the worst thing that he’s ever done on screen: choke his co-star. Second to that is how he enabled Sarah Lynn’s addiction, slept w her, and neglected her as her father figure. Finally Bojack tried to sleep with his crush’s seventeen year old daughter after getting her drunk at her own prom. All of which are brought up again in season five but almost never mentioned in season six (Part 1) outside the very beginning and very end. Diane takes Bojack to rehab as his first step toward true self-awareness.

Part Two: here

#abuse m tw #rape m tw #alcoholism tw #Bojack Horseman #bojack horseman season 6 #u #c #meta

67 notes · View notes

insanelycooljk · 4 years

Note

Jared gets kicked out?

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it

Oh boy... I hope you’re prepared for some angst lmao. In terms of just, the amount of angst/hurt, this is probably the worst wip I’ve got (...except maybe the one that’s just titled ⚡⚡⚡ lol 👀). This is another one that I’m not sure I’ll ever actually write, but it was like 2am and my brain just went hey...what if?? and I had enough to say about it that it warranted it’s own word doc lol.

Anyway, the title pretty much says it all with this one.

Also just wanted to clarify that I can’t actually imagine Jared’s parents ever kicking him out. Like, they’re clearly friends with Heidi and I like to think that anyone Heidi is friends with must be pretty decent people. But, for angst purposes... yeah they’re not great in this. On that note, trigger warning for shitty homophobic parents and homelessness.

So Jared knew coming out wasn’t going to go well, but he didn’t expect it to go quite this badly

He tells his dad first and it’s definitely not great, but it’s not a complete disaster either. His dad kind of just says “Well, you know what I think about that.” and Jared says “I know.” And that’s just the end of the conversation really. And sure Jared’s still hurt by it, but also that was exactly how he expected it to go, so it’s not like he ever had his hopes up enough to be disappointed.

“Are you going to tell your mother?” Jared knows he probably shouldn’t, but part of him just wants to get it over and done with already. I mean really, it’s not like he’s ever tried to be subtle, his mum should probably know already just based off of some of the things Jared’s said over the years, but she’s probably in denial.

So Jared just thinks fuck it. She doesn’t have to like it but he’s sick of pretending.

Which ends up being a very bad decision. As expected she takes it very poorly. There’s a lot of yelling and it’s awful and she’s saying all the standard homophobic bullshit, and then she starts talking about kicking Jared out.

And Jared’s just in shock because... she can’t be serious. Like, this isn’t happening. She’s just angry, she doesn’t actually mean it. Right?

Wrong. Turns out she is absolutely serious. And Jared is just looking at his dad desperately because he hasn’t said a word this whole time, but he still says nothing.

Jared is just so scared and angry and hurt and in shock. Part of him wants to throw a tantrum and just kick and scream and refuse to leave unless his parents physically drag him out of the house.

But he’s in too much of a state of shock to really say or do anything. His dad helps him pack some things and tells Jared that his mum just needs some time to process and calm down, and that he’ll talk to her. Jared just nods numbly, but the unspoken questions lay heavy in the air. How long? Does Jared even want to come back after that? He’s starting to regret lying to his parents so much (”literally nothing I tell my parents is true and they have no idea”) because his dad probably assumes that Jared actually has friends or something that he could stay with for a little while.

His eyes are burning from the effort of holding back his tears because Jared is just stubbornly refusing to completely break down.

He’s still in such a state of shock that he’s kind of dissociating a bit, because next thing Jared knows is that he’s in his car and driving somewhere.

It takes him about 5 minutes to realise that he’s on autopilot and is driving to Evan’s house. Once he has that realisation Jared immediately pulls over because he can not go to Evan’s right now.

Partially because he’s seconds away from completely losing it and having a full-on breakdown, and he is just not in a place right now where he could fake being fine (and obviously breaking down in front of Evan is not an option because please, this is Jared we’re talking about). But also because showing up at Evan’s uninvited and asking to stay over would be pretty out of character for Jared, so if Heidi’s home she’s going to (correctly) assume something is wrong and call his parents, and Jared just... can’t deal with that right now.

So he just lets himself finally breakdown. Once he finally calms down he’s so exhausted from everything that he just quickly makes sure the doors are locked and falls asleep almost instantly.

Any hope that the previous day’s events had just been some kind of messed up nightmare is lost when he wakes up in his car and not his bed.

and Jared’s just... not sure what to do really. His dad seems to think that his mum just needs some time to calm down, but how long is Jared supposed to wait? Should he call? Just show up at home? He doesn’t want to be the one to reach out first because fuck that, but the waiting is going to drive him crazy.

He just feels so lost. So Jared kind of throws himself into planning shit so he can feel some sense of control. He figures he can sleep in his car. His parents paid for like 6 months of a gym membership for him for his birthday, which he’s pretty sure was just a passive aggressive comment about his weight, but boy is he grateful for it now because he figures he can go to the gym and shower. He can do his homework at the library. He figures he should buy one of those adapters so you can charge your phone from your car, or maybe a portable charger so he doesn’t risk killing his battery. Jared doesn’t really spend much, so despite not having a job he’s got a decent amount of money saved up just from birthdays and things over the years. Nothing is ideal but like, he can make it work.

Of course, Jared being Jared is incapable of asking for help so he just... doesn’t tell anyone.

He goes to school the next day, and eventually he’s got a little routine going. He sets his alarm on his phone really early on school days so he can go to the gym first. He does like... the absolute bare minimum amount of exercise to avoid suspicion before he showers. He stays late after school to do his homework in the library, and then once the school library closes he tends to go to the public library to either finish his homework or just take advantage of the free internet and watch youtube or something. He’s worked out the best place to park his car overnight so he’s inconspicuous and he’s relatively safe. Like, obviously he locks the doors and covers most of the windows, but it’s still kind of scary sleeping out in public sometimes.

But he hangs out with and stays over at Evan’s as much as possible. Which like, are the best nights of his week, but also sleeping at Evan’s house almost makes Jared feel worse? It just makes him acutely aware of everything he’s lacking right now.

But overall Jared is doing kind of ok, and he thinks he’s doing a pretty damn good job of acting like everything’s normal.

Which... he is absolutely not lmao. Evan and Alana and even a couple of Jared’s teachers are on to him (maybe Connor and Zoe too, although I haven’t decided if they’ll be in this or not). I mean, no one knows exactly what’s happened, but they can tell something is up.

Jared’s just been... off. He’s very flat and his shitty jokes have been a little harsher than usual lately. And Evan’s kind of confused about why Jared suddenly wants to hang out with him so much. Not that he’s complaining, he’s enjoying hanging out more with Jared, but it does seem weird. It’s weird that Jared stays over multiple times a week now, but Evan can barely remember the last time he went to Jared’s house. It’s weird that Jared never comes over if he knows Heidi will be home that night. It’s just... something’s not adding up and Evan can’t quite work out what.

Anyway, better end it here because wow I did not mean to make this so long lmao. It’d probably end with a confrontation, confession and ultimately Jared staying with Heidi and Evan for the foreseeable future. Plus one VERY angry confrontation with Jared’s parents from Heidi lol. I love angst, but I love an (at least somewhat) happy ending even better, so things would turn out alright in the end :)

#tw homophobia #deh wips prompt #oh to live out your biggest fears by projecting onto characters you relate to #but yeah... this one hurts #anyway I kind of like the idea that it's hard to pick out at first #because unless you actually talk to jared it'd seem like he was actually doing really well?#like since he's exercising most days he'd be getting kind of fit #and he's super on top of his school work bc he doesn't really have much else to do #but as soon as someone talks to him they'll just be like... man are you ok?#jared gets kicked out #answered #zoe writes #jared kleinman #deh

4 notes · View notes

ephemeral-afterlight · 5 years

Text

a personal analysis of deceit, deception, lying, and morality: an essay that’s literally almost 4k words for no reason other than that i like to make my sentences as obnoxiously long as possible

i just want to preface this post by saying i’ve been working on this for a little while, and then it got deleted, so i had to start all over. it is a huge weight off my shoulders finally getting this posted.��

PLEASE please please take heed of the trigger warning: if you are triggered by talk of domestic violence, abuse, or alcoholism, do be wary of this post. i go somewhat into depth about my experience with abusers, and there are quick mentions of things such as strangulation, so this post is not intended to be light-hearted or funny. this post is serious, and very important to me, enough to want to post it, so please proceed with caution if you feel like you may be uncomfortable reading about these things. the rest is under the cut, so make sure to read the tags to know if this one is a skip for you! now, onto the analysis!

first off, i’d like to say that i personally don’t jibe with using “redeem” or “redemption arc” in reference to deceit, because that implies that dee has done something that needs to be redeemed, and he hasn’t. a redemption arc is used to right a wrong, if you will, and dee hasn’t done anything that can be classified as a wrong, at least nothing more than the other sides have also done (such as passive-aggressive teasing).

in my opinion, some fanders’ perception of deceit and “the dark sides” is somewhat skewed. there seems to be this overarching theme and/or agreement that they’re all bad and/or evil purely for being either 1. stuck with their purpose (that they didn’t exactly choose—it’s quite literally their job. who’s to say that dee likes lying, or remus necessarily enjoys his intrusive thoughts despite having the heavy and frequent impulses to act on them? they can’t easily control their dishonesty and impulsivity respectively, after all, but feel free to discard that notion if it’s too hypothetical for you) or 2. labeled as a “dark side”.

as for the latter, the name is purely something roman made up to further separate the two groups, but imo it’s quite easy to separate each side into a “moral group” based on their actions and behaviour at the time that is very different from the one roman (and the others by proxy, given that they go along with it’s usage) has imposed upon everyone, so that shouldn’t be used as an unchallengeable metric to determine which sides are either purely good or purely bad; everyone has their strengths and their flaws, and you could argue some more than others, but that is also subjective to one’s own perception of each side’s behaviour. pure good and pure bad just… doesn’t exist.

now, onto deceit. something i’ve noticed when briefly delving into sympathetic/unsympathetic dee discourse is that most people who say that dee is interminably bad/evil usually bring up the fact that dee lies as their main point; he lies, and lying is bad, so therefore he’s bad, which in my opinion is a woefully simplistic view of the sides and the world in general. i think a lot of fanders and people in general don’t realize that lying is not the only form of deceit, and you don’t necessarily need to lie to deceive someone. to deceive someone, by definition, is to lead them to a conclusion that is not true or not comprehensive of the truth, and that’s where it starts to get a bit muddled. by definition, deceit typically implies that the conclusion you’re leading someone to is a lie, but that’s not necessarily always the case; colloquially, deceit is much more than that, and it doesn’t just mean falsifying the truth, it also means concealment of the truth, which i don’t think is talked about near enough in these discussions. deceit’s main function isn’t necessarily to get thomas to always lie, but rather to cause someone else to draw a specific conclusion about something using any means possible. so while yes, deceit can often involve lying, the main purpose is to cause someone to draw an intended conclusion; the means to get there are not inherent, which is why reducing deceit’s purpose down to “just lying” is somewhat ignorant (i don’t mean that in a hostile way or to offend, i mean it in the basic sense of the word), and doing him a great injustice.

the discussion of whether lying is good or bad is an extremely difficult one, and a lot of arguments from either “purist” side of the spectrum are already out there, so i don’t really feel the need to go in-depth with that aspect of it. for this, i’ll just go with my own experiences and perspectives, to sort of bolster my main point about deceit and his purpose and how he should be treated, as opposed to how he’s being treated now.

now, in my experience, lying is not an inherently bad thing, nor should it be completely disregarded and viewed as something that makes you a terrible person. in fact, for me, lying has been mandatory, and something that quite literally meant the difference between potentially getting hurt or even dying. i know a lot of people haven’t had to deal with extremely volatile situations or grow up with abusive people around them, so let me explain this as clearly as possible: when you’re dealing with an abuser, in almost every instance the best thing to do is lie or be as submissive as possible to diffuse the situation and avoid being hurt. i know it doesn’t sound ideal, but especially when dealing with someone who has very manic, spastic mood changes or are severely alcoholic, making sure the situation stays de-escalated can quite literally save your life. lying to reassure the abuser and placate them is one of the safest and most efficient ways to prevent them from getting angrier or lashing out. in a lot of these cases, you also lie to stop an outburst or argument before it even starts, because once an abuser gets set off, there is little to nothing you can do to stop their chaotic rampage; they will try to destroy everything in their way, and that includes you.

domestic violence is something i’ve had to struggle with seeing from the sidelines and up close on an endless assembly line of abusive, toxic, manipulative users all my life, and although my mother tried her best to keep me away from it, there were times where i couldn’t stay out of it. there were times i’d get into arguments with the one i consider the worst of the bunch (let’s call him j), and those arguments ranged from me hatefully antagonizing him in response to his alcoholism and terrible decisions to screaming matches in which i genuinely feared for my life. i was an idiot, and i’m lucky that he was never stupid enough to try to hurt me physically. but the common denominator in this was that once i learned to shut up and remove myself from the situation, the arguments lessened in frequency for a while. whenever i sensed that j was irritated (he was irritated when he was drunk, and he was always drunk), i would hide things. if i had to lie, i would. if i had to lead the conversation away from what he was angry about, i would. if i had to stow away in my locked bedroom until he passed out, i would. because that was all i could do. and when i didn’t do that, j got angry. and violent. near the end, in one of the worst arguments we had ever had because my mom didn’t lie well enough or misdirect his focus, he blasted loud music (to purposely spike my anxiety), pounded on my locked bedroom door where my mom and i were hiding from him until the frame cracked, and he smashed a bunch of lightbulbs in front of the doorway in a drunken attempt to keep us from leaving. he snapped, because my mom wasn’t successful in deceiving him, misdirecting him to diffuse the situation. i found out later that on the last day she ever saw him, they had yet another an argument about something. j flipped from normal to hateful and vicious like a light switch, and he tried to strangle her. my mother could have almost died because she couldn’t diffuse the situation. because she couldn’t deceive him.

i know this is a heavy example to use, and it’s hard to read for me even now, but i can’t be satisfied with myself without putting my and so many others’ reasonings for lying in this post. lying isn’t always to pull yourself up at the expense of others. sometimes it’s to save your life, and i heavily empathize with people who are unfortunate enough to have to do so. you are strong, and you will get through it, and it’s okay to do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. even if it means lying or fighting back.

that was long, and i know i went off on a bit of a tangent, but my point is that lying isn’t always used in selfish ways, and even when it is, it doesn’t mean those selfish intentions are always necessarily bad or wrong or immoral. self-preservation is not inherently immoral. it is a basic human instinct to keep yourself out of danger, to excel and succeed, and to live the best and safest life you can.

i personally am very neutral on where i stand with how often you employ usage of deceitful means to get what you need. while yes, i do believe that lying should not always be used in every situation/altercation nor be used to always get what you want at the expense of others, i also think that lying is an essential part of a human being’s survival, and it deeply troubles me that it has become a necessary tool to keep yourself safe in the modern age. and while i did it in a roundabout way, this brings me back to my overarching point: deceit is not inherently bad or wrong or evil for wanting thomas to deceive people to help himself, it’s just the matter of regulating him that needs to be addressed and changed. this can be made very abundantly clear with virgil and how he fits into this whole narrative.

virgil and deceit are different in what exactly they want for thomas, but i don’t think they’re different at all in terms of their intentions. while virgil wants to keep thomas alert to danger and his control of the fight or flight reflex is testament to how thomas impulsively handles those situations, with logan’s influence, that impulsive reaction is tampered down, leaving virgil as almost an alarm system. he identifies problems and possible dangers, and then suggests a way to subvert said dangers (whether those suggestions are viable options or not). deceit, on the other hand, is who comes out when thomas decides to confront that danger. he’s thomas’ filter in every sense of the word, and therefore is an important variable when thomas is met with a potentially dangerous situation that can only be resolved verbally (and whether lying is employed or not is subjective to the situation). he is also needed in less intense ways, such as not letting every single thought that pops into thomas’ head get said aloud (remus would have a fucking field day with that one), which also brings us back to keeping yourself safe from volatile people and dangerous situations. you can’t always be completely honest and transparent with them, because that can set them off, and then they can hurt you.

in less dangerous matters, such as the wedding/callback scenario, deceit truly believes that he’s doing what’s best for thomas. (i agree that the callback is the obvious choice here, but that’s a whole other essay.) while yes, it could be argued that deceit wants thomas to gain at the expense of others, i’d counter that by positing that that’s not the point of the whole dilemma. deceit believes that doing something that would hurt you just to placate others and strictly adhere to your overbearing sense of morality is a terrible, harmful choice. it was acknowledged and brought up multiple times that it’s not just that thomas doesn’t want to go to the wedding, it’s also that he would hurt himself by doing so, and deceit doesn’t want thomas to do something that would cause an “increase in depression” because it harms thomas.

yes, deceit wants thomas to lie to get out of it, but you could also bring up the point that deceit is actually being kind by doing so. he’s sticking with what he believes is the right thing to do, and suggesting a means to do it in a way that would spare mary lee and lee the potential disappointment or hurt of thomas choosing the callback instead. after all, “what you don’t know can’t hurt you.” and yes, while logan is right, knowledge is extremely important and you should always strive to remedy your own ignorance, that doesn’t mean you’re always ready for that information, or that it’s safe for you to know such things, especially when they’re deeply embedded in a highly emotional and impulsive reaction.

you can debate whether it’s better for mary lee and lee to know the real reason why thomas wouldn’t be going to the wedding or not, but it still doesn’t change the fact that going to the wedding would not only harm thomas mentally and emotionally, it could also cost him a huge opportunity to better his life and reach new heights, and they would understand that. if mary lee and lee are as good of friends as patton says they are, they would not prioritize their wants over thomas’ needs. and that, folks, is the big misconception that i feel a lot of people don’t address—it’s not just about thomas wanting to go to the callback, it’s that he needs to, to prevent a worsening mental state or bad emotional reaction. any good friend would never force someone they care about to do something that would hurt them, no matter how much you want them to do said thing. this is where patton is going severely wrong right now; like i’ve said a million times before, patton is holding thomas to an impossibly high standard of purity and perfection and selflessness, and it’s the most harmful thing to thomas right now. just as extreme selfishness isn’t good, extreme selflessness isn’t good either.

that was another tangent, but i’d like to get back to virgil. now, i do agree that virgil’s arc is different from deceit’s, but in different ways, and they’re far more similar than i think some people realize. virgil’s arc was all about being viewed as a terrifying villain, the monster in the closet, the one who weighs you down and prevents you from moving forward. he was viewed as wrong and bad purely for his purpose, and ostracized because of it. he was treated badly by the others, not listened to, and disregarded. he was misunderstood, and forced into a box, so he lashed out in fear. the only way to get them to listen to him was to be scary, to force their attention just long enough to get his point across. and when they others finally realized how much he actually did for thomas and how important he is, they learned to work with him, and virgil learned to work with them.

referencing the yerkes-dodson curve, and even to basic concepts such as yin & yang, everything has to exist in a balance, and having something too much or too little can and almost certainly will be detrimental to the thing it affects. in this case, virgil can be over the top and scary and irrational at times, but his input is sorely needed, and an important tool to keep thomas safe and alert to potential dangers around him. with the help of the others, especially logan, they can sift through any of virgil’s more extreme reactions and lay out the condensed version that has the information and perspective they need without a lot of the panicky and overbearing aspects that can come with overwhelming anxiety. they found a balance, a way to work with each other, and the result settled a certain disquiet in thomas. it bettered him as a person to accept his anxiety and listen to what it has to say rather than push it away and suppress it.

now, look at deceit. he’s portrayed as a scary villain, the ghost underneath the sheet. he’s the mysterious sinister force that controls the flow of information from thomas’ subconsciousness to his consciousness, and therefore holds power. he’s being treated as a bad, dark part of thomas purely for his purpose, and has been separated on the other side of the “black and white” line between morality and immorality, pushed away from the others and from thomas. they’re constantly antagonistic and hostile towards him, doubly so in virgil’s case (which is where a lot of the hypocrisy comes out that i can’t ignore, because virgil treats deceit exactly how the others sides treated him before he was accepted, and virgil obviously hated being treated like that, so why in the world does he think it’s okay to do it to deceit?), and they disregard his opinions and very valid points backed up by painstakingly thought-out arguments (that i have a feeling deceit took a lot of time strengthening so that he could convince thomas to do what he thinks is right and to show them that he’s not trying to hurt thomas, he’s trying to help him, which could be why logan was benched during svs. deceit knew that they’d listen to logan, but if he had let him take over the conversation, they wouldn’t be hearing deceit’s points and opinions, they’d be hearing logan’s, and it wouldn’t bring deceit any closer to being accepted or listened to than before) just because oooOoOooOoOO scary dark side! he’s a liar, so everything he says is wrong and invalid! oOooOoOoooO he’s so edgy and extra so we obviously shouldn’t listen to him! he’s just dramatic oooOoOooOOoOOOOOOOO /s

sound familiar? deceit and virgil’s arcs are so painfully similar, it baffles me how people insist that they’re completely different. i think the worst argument i’ve ever seen for this is that virgil is just a pure soft uwu boy and he never deserved what happened pre-aa, but deceit is terrible, awful, evil, and abusive and he deserves to get cut off and isolated from the others and told his opinions don’t matter and his valid concerns and fears are just him being edgy. that one almost made me fly off the handle in a salty rage, but i have suppressed it until now, where i can vent my points in a more logical, organized manner than just me screaming internally.

what needs to happen with deceit is nearly the exact same thing that had to happen with virgil: the other sides and thomas need to understand that he doesn’t do the things he does because he wants thomas to be this bad, horrible, immoral, extremely selfish awful person who takes what they want when they want in the express intent to harm others. he is self-preservation (albeit in a different way than virgil exists as self-preservation), and just wants thomas to always make the best decisions to keep himself healthy and safe, even if it means doing something like lying to skip a friend’s invitation to a life event. this comes right back around to virgil and how they learned to work with him; they need to work with each other, and balance everything out. they need to take into account deceit’s opinions and concerns and suggestions, and consider each one carefully between themselves, vetting ones that have been thoroughly picked apart and shown to be flawed, just like what they do with virgil and every other main side.

(apart from patton right now, but that is also a whole other essay, and i won’t derail this just to talk about that.)

this post is getting really long, so i’m gonna try to start winding to a close. generally, i know that the debate on whether lying is good or bad can be tedious, and complex, and seems almost looming at times, just because of how much you can take into account. there are so many arguments and reasonings and examples and evidence and thoughts on the morality behind lying that finding a way to satisfyingly come to a conclusion can be difficult for most, and even when you have a somewhat set belief on where you stand with its usage, certain points and expostulations can shift your view on lying very quickly. morality is also a very nebulous thing imposed upon us as a society, a set of values to believe in and adhere to, but things that are viewed as moral, immoral, or somewhere in the middle can change their standings very quickly, and can be influenced harshly by society and how we grow as people over time. things like being gay were viewed as immoral and wrong and terrible many years ago, but now, people realize it’s a very normal thing and it doesn’t make you a bad person to be different.

because like logan got cut off from saying, morality in terms of good and bad is nearly impossible to quantify given that each person imposes their own subjective rules of good or evil on actions, words, and behaviours. there is no way to objectively say that someone or something is morally good, morally evil, or morally grey without also having to also assert the fact that your view of morality is, in itself, a subjective opinion based largely around your upbringing, environment, presence/non-presence of religion, and many other factors. what you view as morally grey can be vastly different from my definition of morally grey, and that comes to light very easily when i find myself torn between agreement and disagreement when reading more in-depth analysis posts on the sides and their intentions with what they do and represent.

not every opinion here necessarily applies to everyone. i just wanted to add as much as possible from as many opinions and perspectives i could find that would help to contextualize my points and hit as many bases as possible with this one post. i thought it would be beneficial to put down the thoughts of a person from a different walk of life, so to speak, and how that greatly impacts the perception of the sides and their purposes/intentions. i know that a lot of this stuff is more in-depth and less in relation to the sides, but i think it’s really important to go into deeper discussion on these topics and themes, and relating them to the sides and what they represent is only a plus because it makes them easier to understand and sympathize with, whether you accept my interpretation of them or not.

anyway, sorry this turned into an actual essay (i can write nearly 4k in a couple hours about philosophical perspectives on the innate morality or immorality of deception, but i can’t write a single paragraph of the draft fics i’ve been working on for months? i see how it is brain), but hopefully you got to the end without getting grey hairs in the process! i’m not trying to invite the Disc Horse™ with this one, but i’m always open to discussion, and i’m in no way saying that my interpretation is a fact, because it’s just that—an interpretation—and it’s up to you to research and understand and to ask yourself those complex questions about what you believe. thanks for reading!

64 notes · View notes