the miracle of being here
invitation, mary oliver// @arthoesunshine // when death comes, mary oliver//to be alive, gregory ott// the dead poets society(1989)// joseph campbell// the aeneid, virgil// @babyangel-jpg // @rawjoy //sweet, charles bukowski// that it will never come again, emily dickinson// bjenny montero// ? // ? // moments, mary oliver// madness a bipolar life, marya hornbacher// wild geese, mary oliver// letters to a young poet, rainer maria rilke// on earth we're briefly gorgeous, ocean voung// @ashstfu // i thought on his desire for three days, linda gregg
“Listen, all you have to do is start and
there’ll be no stopping.
What about mountains? What about water
slipping over the rocks?
And, speaking of stones, what about
the little ones you can
hold in your hands, their heartbeats
so secret, so hidden it may take years
before, finally, you hear them?”
Mary Oliver, "In Your Hands" from Swan: Poems and Prose Poems
In an alternative universe, i can imagine another version of myself
one in a stable relationship happy in the arms of a lover.
Toned down paranoia, and Indulgent pleasure.
I worry that that version of me is delusional
in love, but alone in it that I’ll somehow miss the signs of an emotionally absent partner the way I missed my father…
And yet, I’ll come up with excuses because I never felt comfortable with pointing my finger
that I’ll overcompensate.. Nest in the apex of their heart and believe that there’s no way higher
that the hierarchy is nothing but guilt inducing anger.
It's easy to love me;
i grew up in a household where it's acceptable to sacrifice your own soul in exchange of feeling like your existence is convenient.
As years went by, I learned to love that feeling eventually more than life itself..
i lost a lot of myself watching my mother hand feed me all that she is, all that she wanted to be, then sneak bites of who she was before she had me..
now, i think i can be whoever a lover needs me to be.
Then when they’re not around I’ll let my pieces fall down and hope that somehow they’ll align…
this terrifies me...
I don't want to settle and passive smoke my own life, set in the corner and inhale the damage even when it isn't mine.
I love love, I just don’t think it’s for me...
In a lecture about addiction, our doctor said
“The neurobiology of love is the same as neurobiology of addiction"
To me, that makes sense for i lose all my edges whenever I'm submerged in a wave of it.
My ends melt trying desperately to reach out even when i don't really know how to direct them to anyone other than myself
Paint them orbits to circle around me and feed them rays of hope
"our paranoia won't last forever"
At least that's what I whisper as i try to keep them close enough, not too much;
I don't want eternity
“I only wanna die someday”
I wrap them around me every night until i suffocate in an embrace trying to comfort all the atoms of love that are lost in me...
I’ll come to an end; and you'll be free.
•Quotes: Roland Barthes/ Angelea Lowes/ Anaïs Nin/Mahmoud Darwish/Mary Oliver/ Ottessa Moshfegh/Elaine Kahn/ Natalie Wee/Carole Maso/Tracy K. Smith/Halsey/chelsea g. summers/ Anne Sexton.
•Original context: sinligh
1. Art by Lisa Lach-Nielsen. 2.Quoted, 2008, oil on linen by Jen Mazza. 3. Choke, 2008, oil on linen by Jen Mazza. 4. Ceruse 87, 2008, oil on linen by Jen Mazza. 5. A girl with pomegranate (detail) by William-Adolphe Bouguereau. 6. An Interior with a woman seated by Lampligt by Christian Valdemar Clause Danish. 7. Photo by Soul Eom. 8. "two people" by Mila Plaickner. 9.Art by Lisa Lach-Nielsen
P.s: writing this felt like:
“It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me”
Voglio pensare di nuovo a cose pericolose e nobili. Voglio essere leggera e gaia. Voglio essere improbabilmente bella e non avere paura di niente, come se avessi le ali.
the way somebody comes back but only in a dream
1.)Hannah Lock, Not Quite Here / 2.)Wendell Berry, “A Meeting” / 3.)Euripides, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides, tr. Anne Carson / 4.)Leila Chatti, “I Dreamed I Forgot” / 5.)Anna Akhmatova, Poem Without A Hero and Selected Poems, tr. Lenore Mayhew & William Mcnaughton / 6.)John Berger, A Seventh Man / 7.)Euripides, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides, tr. Anne Carson / 8.)Xie Lei, Blow / 9.)Frank Bidart, “Light” / 10.)Li Qingzhao, “Tune: Pertridge Sky,” tr. Jiaosheng Wang / 11.)The Dog Island. Ubisoft, 2007 / 12.)Elisa Gonzalez, “After My Brother’s Death, I Reflect on the Iliad” / 13.)Ōtomo No Yakamochi, Written on the Sky; Poems from the Japanese, tr. Kenneth Rexroth / 14.)@/solavey, indigo / 15.)Louise Glück, 12.6.71
yes girl you are so [if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more] [hands are unbearably beautiful] [i'll take care of you it's rotten work not to me not if it's you] [if you are intolerable let me be the one to tolerate you] [i could recognise him by touch alone] [i love you i want us both to eat well] [on purpose i love you on purpose] [whatever our souls are made of his and mine are the same] [i am half agony half hope] [you have bewitched me body and soul and i love love love you] [he is half of my soul as the poets say] [i'm sick of people saying that love is all a woman is fit for but i'm so lonely] [i love you most ardently] [let me stay tender hearted despite despite despite] [someone has to leave first this is a very old story there is no other version of this story] [mostly i want to be kind] [tell me how all this and love too will ruin us] [you said i killed you haunt me then] [someone somewhere can you understand me a little love me a little] [i will love you as misfortune loves orphans as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong] [sorry about the blood in your mouth i wish it was mine] [who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me] can we kiss now