#transphobia not only destroys the lives of trans people but also the people not fighting their own transphobia
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What’s Your Favourite Scary Movie, Eddie?
Edward Nashton (The Riddler) x Ghostface!Trans!M!Reader
Last Edited: 06/04/2023
TW: gore, blood, murder, stalking, dead bodies, transphobia, foul language, body dysphoria, phone harassment
Requested: no
Word Count: 2,381
AO3 LINK -> HERE
Notes: literally rewatching the batman 2022 as i make this lel. also, kinda think of the ghosftface from dead by daylight as i love that costume/look so the outfit that’s described. i finished this shit on 1 hour of sleep btw so hope u enjoy
He’s an odd man. His schedule used to remain constant until it didn’t. You’re unsure of what changed. He’s still a forensic account by all means. He forged those documents to get the job so of course he wouldn’t simply just quit. That part stayed the same. It’s after work when he deviates from his original schedule. Going out at night, spying on people, and getting odd information. There’s also his online presence getting stronger. You see him on his computer more and more. Sometimes he’s typing, other times he has some sort of outfit on to do live streams.
No matter what, he’s always busy with something. That something has gotten more and more odd these past few weeks. He’s obsessing over a vigilante. A man dressed in black who goes around beating people down until they cannot get up to fight anymore. A “Batman” is what they call him. For someone so many fear, little ol’ Eddie surely loves him. It makes your stomach twist in disgust. How can this man obsess over this random vigilante? Sure, he fights crime but he’s not going for the bigger people. He lets cops run around, nabbing the criminals only to let them go after a bit of bribing. Some saviour he is. Plus, to see this somewhat nerdy and dainty-looking man go for a man who appears to be jacked screws with your head.
You can’t help but want to maul your own skin at this observation. The mousey man wanting the dark, mysterious, and bulky body type makes you think of your own figure. You don’t have the exact body type so may want after all the struggles to so much as get the medicine you needed for your transition. It takes time, ranging from months to years. And the first man you see him obsess over is the usual “jacked” and “hot” man makes you angry. That original figure you had has changed over time, into something you’re more comfortable with. While some changes haven’t been made yet due to the lack of money, you feel better; like you can actually live in your own skin now after so long of feeling like your body was out to destroy you.
But that feeling does fade now and then, especially when you see someone you’ve been watching and pinning over for months wanting the one thing you feel like you can’t be at times. Sometimes it’s your mind, other times it's old words from people you knew. The majority is the people you see online spouting nasty things, all ranging from hatred to fetishizing; there are even times when it’s a mixture of the two. A “real” man is what they want. For some reason as well, a “real” man isn’t someone who takes hormones or changes their body. A “real” man isn’t someone who says they are a man, even if they don’t transition. If they don’t pass their assessments, they’re not a “real man”. But how can they be one? How do they know what a “real” man is? They call those bulky hunks in bars real men. They’ll call the men from the army real men. The men from the gym are real men. But the moment a man so much as acts, looks, sounds different or doesn’t have the “right” body, they’re fake. And to you, it’s all bullshit. No one has any right to tell someone they’re not a “real” man, especially when they themselves know nothing about you or others in the same boat.
So to suddenly see such people in his streams? You can feel yourself losing it. While you wouldn’t kill them for such a thing unless they preached or even tried to kill people for being different or “unreal”, it’s the fact that so many were actual shitbags added to it. From people who wanted to simply kill innocent people, to people wanting to do awful acts to those they hate, you can’t allow that. Spying from the rooftops and alleyways turns into watching him from his very own streams.
Your username on the streams is Gh0stFac3, read as GhostFace, is usually caught in the streams, never saying a word. You let yourself lurk while he’s online, letting out passionate rants about Gotham and some sort of “renewal plan”. You don’t necessarily watch him on these streams. You do listen though, taking down notes on his words. You do have other people to watch and kill later on, of course. Some from his streams, others from night outs. A few are even from your times at bars, hearing their nasty talking or genuine disgust about certain groups of people who’ve done nothing but live their lives.
Another name is jotted down in your notebook, a multitude of pictures clipped to the page with the target. You scratch at your neck from under the mask, sighing. It’s just another asshole really. This one is from one of Edward’s streams. From what you found out, the guy had been sending nasty messages to a coworker who rejected him. Pathetic in your case. But you can feel that itchy feeling creeping up under your skin. You’ll have to kill again soon. It’s like a drug and it makes you feel powerful in a way. From people seeing you as some dainty girl back in the day, nothing more than something to be used for bearing kids and eye candy to look at, to feeling like a man after treatment, meds, and eye-opening articles; along with blogs talking about their own experiences, you feel like you can actually feel and do the things you felt you deserved to do. The people who looked down on you or disowned you disappeared in just a blink. All you needed was time away to find yourself, who you truly are, before returning and dealing out the same amount of pain to them they forced you to go through for so many years.
You snap the notebook closed, rubbing at the face under your mask. All this thinking about how your body is, alongside was, is giving you a headache. It doesn’t help that you have more than just that man as the next victim either. You’re not sure who to choose just yet. Or, well, you do. However, all the constant thinking, together with your inner voice reminding you of all the transphobia you’ve faced thus far, is killing your mood. A snort leaves you. Killing your mood. You’re truly a riot with your own jokes.
You grab the flip phone closest to you, flicking it open. It’s a burner you picked up a bit ago. There were plenty of others but the satisfaction of snapping the phone shut after a call is enough for you to keep it around. You look at Edward’s stream; he’s still going. You give a sharp grin under your scream mask before dialling his number.
You can hear it ring from the stream. Seeing him go silent immediately is satisfying. He looks like a mouse again; a confused one at that. He starts up his rant again, seemingly going to ignore it. Narrowing your eyes, you end the call before texting him. The ding he gets is ignored. Another ding. Another. Another. His hands are shaking, eyes wide and crazed. Finally, you type in chat.
> Hello, Mouse.
The chat, usually fast, stops for a moment. They seem to notice something is off.
> Will you answer your phone?
> I’m calling.
> I’m texting you, Mouse.
People in the chat start to type, sending in a multitude of messages. Some are asking Edward if he knows you. Others are asking if you know him. You don’t answer them at all.
> Answer. I won’t stop calling.
He looks mad, grabbing his computer. “Who do you think you are? You know nothing! You’ve said nothing until now! You’re just someone trying to bring me down aren’t you?! You’re trying to destroy everything I’ve been working for to help Gotham!”
> Answer the phone, Eddie.
Everything stops. It’s like the entire chat froze as well as Edward. You know no one has any idea what his name is. The fact that you know it and suddenly type it with no hesitation only shows you know more than does. With shaking hands, he lets go of the computer and sits back in his chair. “I’m sorry everyone… But it looks like we have a leak. I’ll be making sure to get rid of the mole and that they are dealt with accordingly. I’ll host another stream next week after all of this is fixed.” His voice is eerily blank, almost like he’s bored or in shock. With those final words, the entire stream ends. You sit for a moment before calling him once more. Edwards finally picks up this time.
“Oh, Eddie… Did you really have to take that long?” The voice changer in your mask disguises your voice. From what you’ve been told by many victims before, you sound like a very attractive young man.
“Who are you?” His question, asked in a cold way, makes you hum.
“Ghostface. What about you, Eddie? Are you Edward Nashton? The Riddler? Who are you?” His breathing has changed; he’s panicked. You’ve heard that type of breathing so much that you don’t do much beside coo at him. “Don’t worry, Dear Eddie. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to destroy all that you’ve been working on. After all, you’ve changed your schedule to fit this odd thing now…” You sigh, leaning forwards in your chair. You prop your masked head on your gloved hand. “After all, you spent so much time and resources on it. It’s honestly been the most interesting thing I’ve seen in years.”
“Why are you calling, Ghostface?” He asks, wanting to get this call over with. You don’t want that though. You like how he sounds in your ear. You like how you can make his breathing change with just a few words.
“What’s Your Favourite Scary Movie, Eddie?” The teasing way you say it only adds character, or that’s what you tell yourself. You want Eddie to like you. You want him to obsess over you as he does Batman. You want him.
“I’m not playing your games!” He’s stressed, practically about to cry from the frustration. You’ve ruined his stream, teased him over the phone, and called him Eddie in front of people who don’t know his name. In his eyes, you’re out to destroy him.
“Eddie…” You feel slightly bad. You really do want him to like you and this is the only thing you had thought of. It’s clearly not working. “I like you, Eddie. You’re doing what others can’t or won’t… How about a deal?” The idea of a deal to possibly end this talk seems to get to him.
“What’s the deal, then? Or are you going to keep talking to me in circles and messing with me?”
“I wasn’t trying to mess with you. As I said before. I like you. You’re the only person who went from a possible victim to something else entirely… You should be proud! No one has ever gotten that far! Usually, I’d be in their home by now, hiding and waiting for the right moment to strike…” As you talk, it seems he’s intently listening to you with genuine intrigue. “The fighting is always hard but so, so fun. And the moment my knife meets their flesh and blood spills? It’s beautiful.” You let out a sigh, one could almost call it dreamy with how you talk about your deadly hobby. “The screams are a bit much, not going to lie there, Eddie. They’re so loud.. But the moment the life is gone from those shitbags, I can make them oh so pretty.” You’re out of your chair, pacing around your apartment. Your combat boots are heavy against the wooden floors of your home. One of your hands moves as you ramble, giving more passion despite the other man unable to see it. “A few more cuts, maybe some mutilation, a bit of stabbing.. Then I have to set them up how I want and take a few selfies. The selfies are always fun… I can send you a few if you’d like. They always turn out great, I make sure of it.”
The silence on the other end snaps you out of whatever state you had been in when talking about your hobby. You don’t hear anything, not even Edward’s breathing. Your hidden lips pull into a frown. Here you are, pouring your heart out and he’s said nothing! No congratulations. No good job. Nothing. The squeaking of your gloves is heard as you tighten your grip on the burner.
“How does this help me? How are you going to help me with some pictures of your pinned-up dead bodies?” You grit your teeth, hating this call more and more.
“I’m saying that I can be your blade, dammit! You can sit in your messy lil’ apartment, talking, coding, streaming! I’ll hunt down whoever you want! I’ll mutilate them! I’ll leave clues or riddles, I don’t care!” You’re yelling into the receiver, finally tired of listening to the man’s complaining. Taking a deep breath, you try to calm yourself. “I do all the killing and you continue doing whatever it is your doing.”
“But what are you looking for? What do you get out of it?” A hum leaves you, letting all that rage go. A nasty smirk crawls over your features.
“I get to watch you work… I love seeing you put your pretty lil’ head to use after all, Baby.” You practically purr, the distorted warmth filling you. It’s unhealthy how much you like him paired with how much you want him to like you. Unhealthy or not, you don’t care. If he can have unhealthy views and plans, so can you.
You hear the end of his line go dead, having hung up on you. You give a mocking put from behind the scream mask. Quickly, you let your thumb fly over the numbers. You snap the phone closed, happy to see that this is the start of something very exciting.
> Can’t wait to work with you, Sweetheart ;))
#my fics#edward nashton x reader#edward nashton x male reader#x reader#x male reader#the riddler#the riddler x reader#the riddler x male reader#x trans male reader#the riddler x trans male reader#edward nashton x trans male reader
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you obviously know nothing about what "terfs" believe in. radical feminism is a far left movement. your whole rant is so embarrassing and clearly shows you've never read any feminist theory, been in feminist spaces, or interacted with a single radical feminist ever.
if radical feminism is far left, why do you and the far right both want to commit genocide against trans people, sex workers, homeless people, disabled people, etc.? I've never seen a single radfem say one positive thing about any of those groups of people. it's always "they are a disgrace to feminism! they shouldn't exist! they make all women look bad! we need to get rid of them all!"
and before you say "oh genocide is such a strong word", this is the official definition of genocide from the Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide: The Convention defines genocide as any of five "acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnic, racial or religious group, as such." These five acts were: killing members of the group, causing them serious bodily or mental harm, imposing living conditions intended to destroy the group, preventing births, and forcibly transferring children out of the group.
you already have at least three of these right now for transgender people. trans people are more than four times more likely to be murdered, assaulted, or raped. laws are being passed to strip them of their rights, and you freaks scream so much about "protect the children" which you think can only be enacted by forcing the child to live in a very specific restrictive and harmful way, rather than letting the child make their own decisions. sex workers are also facing some of these, particularly by making their work illegal. you paint all sex workers as helpless victims being trafficed by some gross man, but most of them are literally just people who record their own porn at home to make money, and rather than victims of abuse, are instead victims of poverty and capitalism. if you actually cared about helping them, you'd fight to raise the minimum wage and get rid of stupid restrictions that prevent them from working normal jobs, instead of throwing them in jail because they sell their own ass pics online. homeless people are also major victims of capitalism, as well as being tightly interconnected with the trans community. a large portion of houseless people are trans, and trans people are more likely to be homeless than cis people, mainly due to transphobia. but rather than helping them, ie providing them with houses and jobs and accessible food and water, you want to make it illegal for them to exist, and encourage police to destroy their tents and steal what little possessions they have. and disabled people get the most shit. as someone whos both physically and mentally disabled (plantar fasciitis and arthritis at age 20, as well as autism, anorexia, and add), I can tell you first hand that we get treated like absolute shit, and half the time aren't seen as human. I was fired from my last job because I dared to ask to use a cane at work. nothing is accessible for us, we are constantly excluded from society, and if we ever want to get married and have children, our benifits are taken away. I've seen multiple instances of children being taken away by cps from moms with eating disorders or histories of self harm. they think that because they had trouble taking care of themselves in the past, that they are incapable of healing and unable to provide for their children. even worse, people constantly beg people with autism and adhd not to have kids for fear of passing down autism and "cursing their children with that terrible illness". I can say that ignoring the people who constantly treat you like shit, living with autism is absolutely fine and not at all a curse.
I've never seen any single one of you terfs advocate for the rights of these groups even a single time. it's always hate and bigotry with you. you'd rather us all die than do a single thing to make any of our lives moderately easier. I doubt you even see any of us as human. and you dare call yourself a feminist? you dare call yourself left wing? you make me sick. honestly I think every single one of you needs therapy.
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in which i, a queer trans jew, rip a goy a new asshole
hoo boy where the fuck to start.
i’m only addressing this part of this post because i don’t have the energy to discuss the fearmongering that was in the first part. i’m also not linking the original post because 1. it was deleted moments after i asked if you were jewish, which from your phrasing of the post and your reaction to my question i’m assuming you’re not, and 2. i’m hoping you learn from this and never do something like this again.
1. how dare you invoke the holocaust like this.
it’s clear from the way you speak about it that you are not educated enough to talk about this with the sense of authority you seem to have. if the first thing you think of when you think of jews is one of the worst genocides to happen in modern history, then you’re not fucking ready to talk about jews or the holocaust. there were other groups targeted in the holocaust as well, specifically romani people who were part of the ‘final solution’ alongside jews, who are also still being persecuted, but i doubt you even know they exist. you also seem to think that jews only existed in europe or that only jews that lived in europe were affected by the holocaust, but again that’s incorrect. the holocaust was a communal trauma. it affected us all, ashkenazi, sephardi, italki, mizrahi, all across the world we saw what was happening and tried to help our people while the world sat and watched and turned us away. so don’t you fucking dare invoke the holocaust. you do not ‘understand the gravity of such implications’ because if you did you would never have posted this.
2. we are a tiny community that has still not recovered from the atrocity you chose to trivialize
jews make up about 2% of the us population, and about 0.2% of the global population. despite this fact, there are dozens of conspiracy theories saying that we control the world, the weather, the banks, that we’re hellbent on world domination because we are power-hungry vermin that need to be exterminated before we attain that power. we have been persecuted and murdered for centuries because of these conspiracy theories. we have no control or power, but people like you seem to think that we do. calling on us specifically to save you because you think we have some sort of special obligation or special power implies that if we don’t somehow stop what’s happening to trans people (who, by the way, we apparently created as a way to spread degeneracy and destroy good white christian values) that we will be responsible for another holocaust, and i hope you realize how fucking atrocious that is.
3. jews are also in grave fucking danger
but why would you know that? you’ve probably never spoken to a jew intentionally in your life. our elders have been saying for years that this country is slipping into fascism, our entire community has been begging y’all to see what’s happening, but y’all called us sensitive and attention seekers and ‘perpetual victims.’
4. as i said before, antisemites already think we created trans people
antisemitism and transphobia are intertwined, but in progressive circles it is very rare to see people advocating for jews. i feel safer in even the most conservative jewish spaces as a queer person than i do in queer spaces as a jew, and i’m not the only one. queer jews have been ejected from queer spaces for simply carrying pride flags with a star of david on them.
5. we’ve been fighting for you. where the fuck have you been?
jews are overwhelmingly left leaning in the us. we are very active in social justice movements and have been for decades, and 76% of us support lgbtq+ rights and nondiscrimination legislation. we support reproductive rights, we create summer camps for trans kids, all while it becomes more and more dangerous to exist as a jew in the united states. queer jews have been a foundational part of queer liberation for decades.
so please fucking spare me the lecture about how, because we were murdered by the millions a couple decades ago, and despite the fact the queer community continues to push us out of queer spaces, we are apparently uniquely responsible for the actions of the same white christofascists who have been targeting us for centuries. do fucking better.
#jewish#jumblr#trans#trans community#queer#trans jew#queer jew#goyim shut up challenge#holocaust#shoah
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The pan label has a long and complicated history. It started as a micro label, alongside a bunch of others, including bisexuality. Nothing much to note. Then the internet became a thing. Colleges had the most access, and a lot of feminists were transphobic. Along with the devastation AIDS caused us, the lesbian separatist movement, and the power of Authoritative Academic Style Writing, these people successfully destroyed decades of queer history and solidarity. In heavily transphobic LGB spaces, L, G, and B folks were, well, transphobic. Pretty much everyone was. In less transphobic spaces, binary trans people were accepted, but enbies were still harshly rejected.
The bi label was constantly in flux. Bi means 2, and 2 only! Cis only! Cis women and trans women only! Everyone!
It was absolute chaos. Didn't help that the the kids on the internet often had zero access to queer history, and the internet was HUGE. So many different opinions, so many bubbles.
Unless you were there, I don't think I can describe how separate everything was. Social media didn't exist. People made their own sites, and they had absolute control over them. It was like living in your library with a pitch dark warehouse behind it. SEO and Google weren't really a thing. And most of the sites you saw were really weird.
The nerely non-existent pan label was coopted by a very angry bi person who was pro trans. They redefined pan as The Non Transphobic Bi. The entire point of their pan was that it included transgender people. That's where hearts not parts comes from. It wasn't transphobic. It was explicitly trans inclusive.
Trans folks fled to pan spaces for safety. Even monosexual people, sometimes even pro trans cis people. It was a whole political thing. This bred resentment between bi and pan folks, especially as new bi folk came on the scene and were like transphobic? What did I do?
And they were right. They weren't transphobic.
As the internet grew, the history and fights of pan vs bi were forgotten. People adopted whichever label suited them best. People also made assumptions on what they heard through the game of telephone. This led to a new fight. Why does pan exist? Erase it! Clearly pan is the transphobic one!
Which, to the older pans who went through all that transphobia, felt like the trans wars all over again.
Bi folks aren't transphobic now. And bi folks aren't responsible for what their predecessors did. And not all bi folks were transphobic back then. In fact, the offline bi community had a whole thing about including everyone. Even aces and aros. As is always the case, IRL queer communities are soooo much better than internet ones.
Pan vs bi has a painful history. But that doesn't mean either label is inherently evil or should be destroyed.
i wasnt gonna answer this cuz i want to spare my mutuals from reading this but this may be the longest most disjointed and ultimately pointless ask i have ever received
i think you thought you were articulating a really nuanced point, but i had my partner read this too and neither of us know what youre even talking abt.
#talk tag#im not interested in discourse. i would engage in a discussion here but i cant figure out wtf you think youre saying#im not trying to insult you. i dont hate people who consider themselves pan or whatever. i just think its not helpful to the lgbt#community as a whole#especially bi and trans people#ask to tag#ask
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please tell me how the narrator is a trans man
@originalpatrolsheep @undeadbreeze I’m @ing you here because I actually received this ask first!
FIGHT CLUB SPOILERS BELOW
Without further ado, here is my explanation as to how Fight Club is a trans metaphor!
The Narrator is a trans man
At the beginning of the film, the narrator is an insomniac and is wildly depressed. He can’t sleep. He starts visiting a center for men with testicular cancer. This is where he meets Bob, a man with no testicles and with breasts. Despite this, Bob is still seen as a man. It’s only in Bob’s arms that the Narrator, saying “We are still men,” can cry and therefore sleep. The Narrator feels gender euphoria when he is with Bob, a cis man with feminine features who is still considered male.
Everything changes when Marla Singer, a woman, begins to attend the same centers as the Narrator. It is only when she arrives that the Narrator feels like an impostor there and becomes hyperaware of his own lies amongst the people at the centers. Therefore, the Narrator cannot cry anymore and can no longer sleep. (In real life, some trans people may feel uncomfortable spending time with those that are the opposite gender as them for fear of being seen as part of that group and getting misgendered, which is partially what I believe spooks the Narrator here.)
Marla Singer represents the Narrator’s relationship with his own femininity, something he unwillingly ties to his dysphoria. Despite his love-hate relationship with her throughout the film, she remains one of his staunchest allies and is perhaps the only thing keeping him grounded in who he is and who he used to be throughout the film.
Shortly after meeting Marla, the Narrator meets (creates) Tyler Durden. Tyler describes himself to the Narrator later in the film: “All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look. I fuck like you wanna fuck. I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.” Trans much? Tyler Durden is the idealized cis man, the prototype for masculinity that everyone in society is fed at an early age. (These representations affect and even especially affect trans men.) Tyler is the standard that the Narrator’s internalized transphobia makes him feel like he must live up to, or else he isn’t a real man.
The Narrator’s relationship with Tyler eventually leads to the creation of Fight Club, a hub of toxic masculinity that attracts all sorts of men. All of them have one thing in common—they want to prove themselves. Tyler repeatedly says that the men in Fight Club are “the most manly men” he has ever seen, a wonderfully effective way for the Narrator to validate himself. What’s more, no women are allowed. The Narrator doesn’t have to face his own femininity in Fight Club, and he doesn’t have to face that side of his dysphoria.
It’s around this point in the movie that Tyler and Marla become involved in a sexual relationship. This is symbolic in itself in the sense that the Narrator’s internalized transphobia is “dominating” his femininity and dysphoria. Even more important is the fact that the Narrator can never see Tyler and Marla in the same room. This is because, to the Narrator, they cannot coexist. The Narrator can no longer comprehend his masculinity and his femininity coexisting in him. He can deal with one or the other at one time, but he forgets that he can have both at once. The Narrator himself believes that neither is taking over his life and neither is being lost. This is what ultimately leads to his downfall.
(This is a little unrelated but it’s important to note that the solution of Tyler and toxic masculinity never helps the Narrator sleep as well as the centers at the beginning of the film did. The Narrator learns that he was never sleeping when he was with Tyler, he was just taking on a new side of himself. Internalized transphobia also led the Narrator to self-harm in many ways (the chemical burn, the fighting, the car crash). Hypermasculinity was not a helpful solution.)
It’s at this point in the film that the ongoing symbol of testicles (I know it sounds silly but hear me out) shows up again. This time, testicles are not something trivial on a man that have nothing to do with his masculinity and maleness. They are used as a threat. Tyler and some members of his army meet up with an official in the city, someone who challenges their ability to destroy buildings and public works. Tyler makes the official an offer: he can save his city or he can save his balls. The official chooses the latter. This is incredibly telling, as the men the Narrator associated with at the beginning of the film had no choice but to remove their testicles. This didn’t make them any less manly in the eyes of the Narrator. Now, though, the Narrator’s own projected sense of internalized transphobia presents a strong message: testicles are important to your status as a man.
It’s shortly after this that the Narrator views Tyler Durden’s relationship with Angel Face, someone who can be described as nothing else but a pretty boy. Tyler, despite being the epitome of toxic and hypermasculinity, respects and adores the somewhat feminine Angel Face. How does the Narrator react? By beating Angel Face until he is bloody and fully disfigured. This represents the Narrator’s resentment of society’s treatment of trans men. The Narrator does not see himself in Angel Face the way that he once saw himself in Bob. He feels that cis men can easily balance femininity and masculinity, that these two things can coexist without an issue for them. For trans men, masculinity must win out, or else society (or at the very least internalized transphobia) will never accept them. Tyler drives the Narrator much harder than Angel Face with much less payoff, and so the Narrator must destroy Angel Face as revenge.
The Narrator seems to have everything he wants until Bob shows up in the film again. The Narrator asks Bob if he’s still attending the centers they met at, to which Bob replies no—he’s now joined Fight Club. At first, this is validating for the Narrator. Bob is feminine still, with no testicles and large breasts, but he’s still considered man enough for Fight Club. The Narrator more or less lets Tyler (AKA unchecked toxic masculinity) do what he likes with Bob. This ends with Bob getting killed. In fact, Bob’s brains are blown out as he tries to follow one of Tyler’s orders. Bob represented a chance at normalcy for the Narrator, proof that men with breasts and without balls were worth just as much as other men. But Bob dies at the hands of the Narrator’s toxic masculinity, and it is this event that leads the Narrator to realize just how much he’s lost to his own feelings of inadequacy.
It’s at this point that the Narrator starts to question his toxic masculinity and his internalized transphobia. He realizes that he’s no longer even himself anymore, just a copy-and-pasted blueprint of the man society has told him that he should be. He can’t recognize himself anymore, can’t keep track of what he really feels and what he only tries to, and he realizes that he needs to end his hypermasculinity before it’s too late.
There’s only one person the Narrator can turn to to get his old self back: Marla. He visits her, apologizing for his behavior towards her. He even tells her that deep down, he really really likes her. This is a big moment for the Narrator. He admits here that his feminine side isn’t something he despises, but rather something he fears getting close to. The other important thing is that Tyler, who was once sleeping with Marla and deeply invested in her, now views her as a threat. The Narrator’s femininity threatens to overtake his masculinity, his dysphoria and euphoria threaten to overrule his internalized masculinity. Tyler wants to destroy Marla, and the Narrator wants to protect her.
For the last time in this film, the symbol of testicles appears. This solidifies how far the Narrator has fallen, how deeply he’s lost himself to self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy. Upon trying to destroy Tyler’s plan, Tyler’s army of men turns on the Narrator and tells him they’re going to cut off his balls. To them and to Tyler, this represents that the Narrator has turned against his brothers, his maleness. The loss of his testicles will show this to everyone. The Narrator, horrified, manages to escape this fate, but without his pants. He spends the final act in his underwear, somewhat symbolic of the trans body he’s worked so hard to achieve and has spent so much of the film despising.
At last, the final fight of the film. The Narrator faces off with Tyler, and must attempt to regain control of his own head. The Narrator struggles at first, unable to accept the fact that him and his internalized transphobia are one in the same, and that he has the power to overrule it. Finally giving into himself, the consequences of his actions, and the messiness of gender and his own expression as a human being, the Narrator takes control and shoots himself. With this, Tyler dies, and so does the Narrator’s internalized transphobia. His toxic masculinity is no more. He’s given himself permission to display his masculinity as much as he wants, and in any way he wants. Internalized transphobia has power over him no more.
Marla then enters the room. She expresses concern for him, the simple Narrator she met at the beginning of the film now so torn up and injured. This is representative of the Narrator’s past pre-transition self looking at his most transitioned self. He’s bruised and broken, a lot different than before. But he insists that he’s okay, and he truly means it. The Narrator is now more himself than ever. It’s in this confidence that the Narrator’s takes Marla’s hand, finally accepting his own femininity, dysphoria, and the full scope of his gender expression. “You met me at a very strange time in my life.”
In a final image, the buildings all around the Narrator and Marla explode and collapse, leaving nothing behind. The Narrator could not stop this total destruction. But the film does not make this a sad moment. It’s rather somewhat wistful, perhaps even hopeful. The Narrator had to destroy himself in order to be reborn as his full and true self. A rebirth. Isn’t that was being trans is?
Thank you for the ask! I hope you enjoy my analysis :)
#sorry this is so long#jack’s posts#fight club#trans#film analysis#the narrator#tyler durden#marla singer#asks#asks and answers#send asks#long post#i didn’t edit anything sorry if this is incomprehensible
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not a particularly serious question but who is the coolest godfeels character in your opinion
it really says a lot about the swerve godfeels 3 has taken that my gut response here is angel dirk. he gets a bunch of great one-liners, he's got a cool busted-ass godkiller sword, and he was rebirthed into the mortal plane like athena from the forehead of zeus. he gets SO many coolguy moments in chapter 8, it's unreal.
i think the runner up has to be dare. as the not-so-secret-anymore anime protagonist of godfeels, dare is basically the only character who gets an unambiguously happy ending out of chapter 8. not to turn this into a character analysis post, but it was really important to me that we have someone whose entire arc was tied into the fight for autonomy...
fuck it, i'm gonna talk about themes for a second.
in homestuck proper, retcon was treated like this sudden revelation that completely changed the game (literally and figuratively). coming into gf1, obviously the existential psychodrama of possessing that kind of power was a big focus for me. how that power and responsibility can eat away at you until there's nothing left, and how to find hope that life is more than just power (hint: it's other people).
then in gf2, that question gets expanded and recontextualized. now june is june, she's a trans woman demanding to be heard, demanding to have her own autonomy. when her friends react poorly to this, she reacts poorly back. obviously murdering your friends isn't the healthiest response to them being shitty to you when you come out as trans, but also this is homestuck. none of these bitches are healthy and they never have been. they're gods, and they can destroy countless lives accidentally. at least june made her destruction un-happen!
the other side of that in gf2 is dirk reacting poorly to having to revise his plans for june. he was relying on her passivity, and now he has to get aggressive. this is meant, beyond the obvious display of complex social transphobia on an individual level, as a microcosm of the power dynamics at play between marginalized queer people and those in power.
this is the conflict that gets expanded to a cosmic scale on gf3. we see in june's retcon-fueled powerset an unfathomable productive capacity, and in epigone we see the next level up beyond dirk, a systemic cannibalistic urge to seize that productive capacity and use it for its own ends. we see, as well, that in this kind of power struggle, queer people simply have no recourse in fighting back. when epigone arrives, that's all she wrote. no amount of will or bluster or strength is enough to fight back. it takes a miraculous chorus of hope to pull the afflicted out of its corruptive gestalt long enough to fight back, and even then epigone seems pretty confident that this merely delays the inevitable.
dare and dirk both serve as interesting counterpoints to epigone, because while they both fall to its influence, they also are the ones most responsible for keeping it from winning outright. it's telling that they're both exploited queer people with complicated histories desperately fighting for some kind of autonomy. which they both get! although in dirk's case it's a bit of a double edged sword for, uh, hopefully obvious reasons.
this is why it was important to me that dare be this archetypally lucky anime character. i knew from the outset that they would, eventually, convince X to let go of june, and that it would be quite literally a "the power of friendship" moment. the only way to sell that, in my opinion, is to have it be the culmination of this brutally painful and difficult journey through setback after setback. this depressed and often suicidal person choosing to live, which of course extends to X as they are members of the same system, and ultimately clawing their autonomy back despite all odds.
i don't know to what extent this makes dare cool, but it does make them one of my very favorite characters in the story right now, and someone i'm really looking forward to writing more of as time goes on.
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Happy St George's Day!
· In the midst of a pandemic when schools are all closed, the government votes to not allow free school meals to schoolchildren during school holidays, despite this being the only meal many of them have each day
· Marcus Rashford, a footballer, led the drive to feed the nation’s children, 49% of which live in poverty, and forced the government to provide food for them during the school holidays
· Instead of previous years when vouchers were given to parents that can only be spent on nutritious food, members of government give contracts to friends to provide a week’s work of food costing £5 to schoolchildren for a price of £30. Food is unhealthy and would not last a week
· Parcels also expect parents to cook two tablespoons of rice at a time in the oven and bake their own bread every day, ignoring poverty-stricken families possible lack of access to such equipment
· Wife of conservative MP attacks poor families for eating unhealthy food when healthy food is cheaper, ignoring the fact that not all families have access to equipment needed to store and cook it
· Nigel Farage, head of the Brexit party came out strongly against the government for their stance on starving schoolchildren. Not a good look.
· Another MP came out and said that poor families should not receive government assistance because the money would be going direct to brothels and crackhouses and the parents would spend it on drink and drugs instead of feeding their kids, a dangerous and persistent stereotype of working class people
· For the first time in its history, UNICEF is feeding kids in the UK – the 5th richest country in the world – and the head of the House of Commons accused them of “playing politics” and said they should “be ashamed of themselves”
· J.K. Rowling came out hard as a TERF (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist), writing a book about a serial killer that dresses up as a Muslim woman, which isn’t subtle when you look at her history of transphobia and other “-isms”
She also publicly supported an author who wrote a book about the destruction of Europe by waves of Muslim immigration
· Speaking of J.K. Rowling, the government’s response to the Gender Recognition Act.
· It is now impossible for under 16s to receive reversible puberty blockers
· Wait times at NHS Gender Clinics, of which there are only 7 in the country, have doubled, with wait times now up to 60+ months (5+ years)
· Keir Starmer, head of the Labour (left wing) party says he doesn’t want to get involved in trans issues
· With the loss of Labour, no major party supports trans rights
· Self ID is no longer allowed, meaning every step of transition is medicalised and involves the trans person having to prove that they are “trans enough” at every stage to panels of cis people
· Government wants to invalidate non-enrolled deed polls, essentially making available a public list of every trans person in the UK
· Hate crimes have quadrupled
· Anti-trans campaigners are now setting their sights on trans adults’ access to hormones
· A petition was formed to counter this and was reviewed by the government, who determined that nothing was wrong with the GRA except that it might have been a bit lax.
· The Guardian newspaper ran child labour and child starvation supporting stories
· Internal border now along the border of Kent and lorry drivers must produce travel papers (Brexit Passport) to cross it, placing the county of Kent in a state of “no man’s land”
· Government fails to lockdown on time, every time
· Government refuses to ban conversion therapy in the UK
· Scotland adopts Human Rights of Children, which requires the government to better support children and families, especially those who are poor, disabled, minorities or young carers. England does not
· The government declared that sleeping rough is now grounds for deportation
· Schools reopened several times despite being warned not safe to do so
· The government banned NHS workers from speaking out about COVID
· Do Not Resuscitate orders proposed for those in care homes, with learning disabilities and who are autistic
· The government cut pensions as the COVID death toll rose
· The government learnt about new South-East COVID strain in September and didn’t come forwards until December
· New COVID strain targets kids, teens, and young adults, and yet none of those groups are allowed vaccination unless a serious pre-existing condition is had, even if they are key workers
· Downing Street says UK should be model of racial equality because government report says no institutional racism in the UK
· Report also says young people are young and foolish for thinking it exists and that minorities are superstitious and irrational and are sabotaging themselves out of success
· It came out that the government was given the independent report and rewrote it to the version that was released to the public – the version that says racism doesn’t exist in the UK
· The rewritten report also refers to the slave trade as the “Caribbean experience”, like those enslaved were on holiday
· Woman in London abducted, murdered and dismembered by off-duty cop and when socially distanced vigil goes ahead, police wait until dark before trapping women, arresting them, using excessive force on them, and also destroying memorial
· Bill passed in government that allows undercover officers to commit serious crimes such as murder, torture and rape
· Plainclothes police to now patrol nightclubs and bars due to aforementioned murder by police officer
· Bill passed that bans any protest at all, no matter how quiet, unobstructive or small it is, including single-person protests. Bill also includes a 10 year sentence for damaging a statue, which is a longer sentence than for rape
· TV programmes critical of the government have been cancelled
· Universities have been told what to platform and schools have been told what to teach, including banning material speaking about BLM and calling for “overthrow” of capitalism
· Voting has been supressed, mainly those who are working class or POC
· During protests in Bristol, press was assaulted and pepper sprayed by police and two legal observers were arrested
· Being Roma/Traveller and living the traditional Roma/Traveller lifestyle is now illegal under that same bill that bans protests. They also have to register as such and receive a licence or risk losing their vehicles
· Hours before Eid, lockdown across the UK with no warning whatsoever, meaning people woke up the next morning after visiting relatives to find themselves “criminals”. The country was opened up specifically for Christmas though
· Conservative (right wing) party blamed BAME (Black And Minority Ethnic) communities for dying of COVID more than white people
· Landlords have been protected extensively and renters blamed for living in close quarters or having to take public transport to work
· Conservatives have launched investigation into possible corruption in Liverpool Council. Liverpool is a Labour stronghold and if corruption is found then the Conservatives can seize control of the council. No evidence of corruption is present as of yet
· Military threatened to stage a coup if Corbyn (then head of the labour party) became Prime Minister
· Government orders all government buildings in England, Wales and Scotland to fly the Union Flag every day to boost patriotism
· MPs call for the curriculum to require teaching the history of the Union Flag rather than Britain’s many atrocities
· The first fortnight of April saw a mini heatwave with temperatures up to 20°C immediately followed by snow, and this is ignored in favour of debating “vaccine passports” in order to visit the pub
· UK allows for international summer holidays despite being warned it will cause a third wave, such as the situation in Germany
· Government placed asylum seekers arriving in the UK in army barracks where they were to sleep 24 to a room with no open windows or air circulation, and when COVID inevitably ran rampant, the Home Secretary accused the asylum seekers of not following COVID protocol, such as social distancing
· Several accounts of self-harm and suicide attempts were reported from the asylum barracks and were dismissed
· UK to deport unaccompanied minor asylum seekers
· UK refuses entry into the UK for radicalised teen failed by system who joined ISIS. Case is difficult and controversial because teen wishes to return to the UK temporarily to fight for her citizenship after the UK broke international law by stripping it from her, despite her not having dual citizenship. Argument given was that her parents were from Bangladesh and so she could apply for citizenship there. Bangladesh refused. Teen is now stateless and living in a refugee camp after losing several children, unable to fight for her citizenship to be reinstated.
· Rioting in Northern Ireland, which included the first use of water cannons in 6 years, a bus being hijacked and burnt, a press photographer attacked, and people throwing bricks, fireworks and petrol bombs at police, not to mention some of the clashes happening over a peace wall in west Belfast, completely ignored in British media and then later drowned out by non-stop news of Prince Phillip’s death, obscuring any important news from being heard. Riots were over Northern Ireland’s being a part of the UK
· MPs take vote on whether China’s treatment of Uighurs constitutes genocide. They decide it does, but that it isn’t their job to do anything further
· Home Office released their spending for the 2020 fiscal year. It’s a mess, including over £77,000 at an eyebrow salon in March alone, and £6,000+ in Pollyanna Restaurant which doesn't appear to exist.
· When people started questioning the spending, the Home Office sent a tweet fact checking themselves
· Country reopened over the summer for Eat Out To Help Out, a scheme to boost the economy. COVID cases rose sharply and the government then blamed people, but mostly working class people, for not following restrictions such as only leaving the house when absolutely necessary, after telling them it was safe
· Foreign NHS workers denied COVID vaccinations
· GCSEs and A-Levels were cancelled due to COVID-19 and expected exam grades were to be used instead. Private school students received grades much higher than they were expecting, and state school students received grades much lower, some grades falling as far as an A to an E. This was because the government couldn’t imagine state school students being smart enough to receive the high grades they were predicted to get; after much uproar the grades were scrapped, and a new method was introduced
· BBC offered staff grief counselling following Prince Philip’s death, but not after having to report on the ever-rising COVID death toll
· The COVID-19 Infection Survey closed in mourning for Prince Philip, with workers to contact participants to reschedule visits for “as soon as possible” when they return to work
· Census workers told to pack up and go home and were placed on immediate unpaid leave due to the death of Prince Philip, but told they must make up the hours later
· Conservative MPs lobbied for a new royal yacht after voting to keep schoolchildren hungry (see first points)
· The BBC’s complaint page crashed over the amount of complaints they got of their coverage of Prince Philip’s death. It was covered non-stop for over 24 hours and the page came in at over 100,000 complaints before going down
· BBC also fast becoming politically biased despite their requirement to be apolitical, after cutting out the audience laughing at Boris Johnson on Question Time, displaying Corbyn as a communist figure in front of a prominent piece of Russian architecture, and providing a platform for a Conservative MP to tell a stage 4 bowl cancer patient that her life wasn’t valuable on live television
· On the COVID-19 pandemic, the BMJ, (British Medical Journal) said about the government that “science was being suppressed for political and financial gain” by “some of history’s worst autocrats and dictators”
· Not only did Boris Johnson launch Eat Out To Help Out when he was warned it was dangerous, lifted lockdowns too early when he was warned it was too dangerous, reopened schools when he was warned it was too dangerous, but when scientists said the second COVID jab should be delivered within 3 weeks he decided that was too tall an order and it should be within 12 weeks – after a period of radio silence, suddenly the science fit his plan. No scientists came forwards to defend it
· The Home Secretary, Priti Patel, blamed protestors for protests that became violent from police attacking protestors, bullied staff members under her, bought members of staff in her department, said it was “disgraceful” to topple the statue of Edward Colson, a slave trader, in Brighton because it undermined anti-racism protests, held treasonous meetings with Israel with the plan to divert aid money, and threatened to starve Ireland in order to get them to agree to Brexit
· She also wants to set up Australian-style asylum processing centres on British islands, but the islands she wants are in the Atlantic ocean and over 4000 miles away from the UK. This is because she wants to help asylum seekers enter the UK legally, completed ignoring or oblivious to all the reasons that asylum seekers might not be able to do that, and for the fact that to seek asylum you must essentially walk up the border and ask for it
· The bungling of the Track and Trace system – the government spent £10bn on a system to track and trace the spread of COVID-19. All data was stored on an Excel spreadsheet which developed a technical glitch and many results were lost before the system was scrapped
· As Autism Acceptance month began, the BBC ran a story saying the autism causes fascism, and that an autistic person who had chosen to embrace the ideology was incapable of seeing that a neo-Nazi group he joined was morally bad because he was autistic
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Spn Pride Week - Day 3 Trans
AU human!Cas is human and no supernatural. Trans man Dean talks to Cas about how his mom and dad failed at supporting him when he was four years old. Cw: transphobia (no derogatory terms just John is an ass and Mary rather keep their home life calm so she enables his bigotry and fails to be supportive of Dean)
"Dean?" Cas’s voice interrupts Dean’s reverie.
"Mmhmmm," Dean's face is nuzzled between Cas's shoulders, so making intelligent words isn't easy.
"Would you be comfortable about telling me when you found out you were a man?" Cas asks in his deep, soft voice.
Dean sighs. He wants to tell Cas everything, but some stories are just so sad. Dean isn't sure that he can share those stories and still be himself afterwards. He'd like those stories to float down a river and sink into the ocean, where no one can ever find them again. Including Dean. Especially Dean.
"I don't want to pry Dean, but if you are alright sharing that with me, then I would like to hear it and know you better," Cas's voice is gentle like a breeze, and Dean wants to roll himself up in it. The voice would shield him from anything that was attempting to impale and destroy him.
Dean is glad that his face is nuzzled into Cas's back. Maybe he can share this story as well supported as he is. He has the man he loves wrapped in his arms, and he gets to nuzzle into him like a pillow. Everything seems safe, warm, and otherworldly, if Dean was going to tell Cas unsettling things that give him nightmares then this would be the right place and right time to do it. If only he wasn't always so scared. If only he wasn't so broken.
"Always," Dean whispers into the neck of the man he loves. "I always knew, ever since my first memory." Dean exhales and inhales. Dean closes his eyes and tries to squeeze out the pictures of the past that spring up in his mind. He tries to bury the contempt of his father's face. He seeks out a gentler memory instead. Dean brings to mind one of the last conversations he ever had with his mother. "My mom knew I was a boy, and after she died it would be ten years before anyone else knew again.
***
"It came up, back when I was four years old and Sammy was still a baby. Everyone kept congratulating my mom and dad over the birth of baby Sammy, they told my parents that Sam would grow up to be a strong, handsome man. And I didn't understand. I wondered how could these strangers possibly know that Sam would grow into a strong, handsome man? Couldn't he just as easily grow into a strong, handsome woman? I asked my father why everyone thought Sam was a boy, and he told me that boys have penises and girls have vaginas. Then he laughed and said something like 'out of the mouths of babes' and ruffled my hair. I didn't understand how my dad could be so sure, but I also didn't want to ask my dad to explain, because he didn't like lengthy explanations. He had taught me that lies take a lot of words to explain, and the truth is always simple, and when I asked him to explain what he meant he struck me. Because I was guilty of talking back and giving him lip. So I knew better than to ask my dad to elaborate.
"Instead, I sought my mom out to see if she could help me understand, and I remember I was so sad that it took a lot of will power to bite back crying. I knew I shouldn't be sad, because my dad explained to me that being sad is the same thing as being lazy. If you have enough energy to cry you should have enough energy to fix whatever mess made you feel bad in the first place.
"So I put on my brave face, and I asked my mother why I had to be a girl. My mom had been rocking baby Sammy, but she looked right into my eyes with all her attention focused on me. Like my question was important and serious, and not a joke like I worried it might be from my dad's reaction. She told me that was nonsense, and that no one ever had to be a girl. My mom told me about her own mother Deanna that had been born as Dean, then learned she was a girl and changed her name. Then Deanna married Samuel, and he had been born with the name Samantha, until he let everyone know he was a boy and changed his name. My mom told me no one can look at you and know if you are a man or a woman, only you know for yourself.
"Cas, I don't know if I can ever properly explain how wonderful that story was to me. I had been ready to bawl my eyes out that I had been born wrong, but my mom told me that wasn't true at all. My dad was the one that was wrong, because everyone knew that Deanna was grandma and Samuel was grandpa. There was never any doubt. I was so happy. Maybe that was the last time I was ever truly happy. I imagined myself telling my dad that he made a mistake explaining things to me. In my head, my dad would laugh over how silly his mistake had been, and then he would ruffle my hair and tell me that he was sorry about that. He'd pull me into a hug and say he was so proud to have two sons. I would return the hug as big as I could, and then tell him we should probably wait until Sam can talk to make sure we don't make another mistake." Dean wishes that was the end of the story. The images of a lifetime ago of a happy homelife that he imagined in his head could have been reality. It all seemed so possible back then.
"Your mother sounds like a very caring person, Dean," Cas says softly.
"She was caring, but things between us were never the same again. I think she cared a little too much about keeping things peaceful and avoiding conflict. Sometimes you need to fight for something you love," Dean says wistfully. "Anyway, before I ran off to tell my dad his error, I asked my mom why dad didn't know that. Why did dad think you can look at someone and assume they are a boy or girl without ever asking them?
"My mom got really still at that question, and she looked so sad like her spirit had been dragged away and she'd never be able to reach it again. When she answered my question her voice was distant and cold, like she was just saying the words but they had no meaning. My mom told me that sometimes people fear things that aren't the same as them, and this fear leads them to hate things. She told me it was like a disease that would eat at people's thoughts and turn them the wrong way. People with that disease would judge others without ever even meeting or knowing them.
"My mom told me that John wasn't a bad man. John was just suffering from a bad disease. Sometimes the disease is incurable, because it takes a very strong will to admit when you are wrong and that you've done wrong to others. My mom told me I must never let my father find out I'm not a girl, because as long as that disease clouds his thoughts he will hate me. She told me that she would pray for John to be cured of his hatred, but in the meantime I would need to conceal who I was and act like I'm a girl. I told my mom I was afraid of my dad hating me, and my mom told me that I could pray to the angels that watched over us if I needed protection. I had never seen angels, but my mom had faith in them. I kind of understood faith meant you believe something without proof. So I told my mom that I would pray for their protection, and I would pray to them to help dad get better, too.
"I didn't tell my mom, but I also prayed that Sam would never catch John's hatred disease, because I loved my little brother so much. I didn't want Sam to hate me.
“The prayers my mom made weren't answered before her death. There was a fire in our house, and my mom didn't make it out alive. Sam was still a little baby, and I held him close and carried him to safety. My dad tried to save my mom, but he couldn't reach her. He told me that the fire was supernatural, because of the downfall of society. He told me that monsters were being sent to punish everyone, even the innocent people like our mother, because bad people failed to obey God and his plan for how we should live. I didn't care about God, his plan, or his monsters. I just missed my mother, and I wanted to weep because I'd never get to hear her voice or see her smile again. But I knew my dad would strike me if he saw me crying, because I should be fighting the monsters that did this and not be indulging myself in sadness.”
"Dean, you know your dad didn't have a disease right?" Cas asks. "He chose to be a bigot. Calling it a disease is just a way to keep him innocent of blame, but every hateful thing he ever did to your mom, Sam, and you was his choice. There was no disease or monster to blame."
"Yeah, it took me too long, but I eventually figured that out, too," Dean replies.
//this excerpt is from ongoing story on ao3 see tags for link
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i wish more than anything he could have had this. i love you man
i really fucking do
my love for nirvana and immense respect for kurt isn't something i ever expected. after being a huge fan of jonghyun too as a musician, a person who had things to say, a human being. the people around him. i fucking hate that kurt is gone and i was like...2. i got into hole when i was like 25 really heavily and refused to listen to nirvana. didnt' care about these white boys. but there's a reason why people love this band and why they loved kurt. i get mad sometimes at his death—selfishness—and then i make jokes to deal and cope. we all do with everything. it's just that and this is from a cis person...but i know so many trans people or people on the gender spectrum who have read his journals see him as someone struggling with gender. and after years of thinking and becoming such a huge fan i think that was honestly the truth. i think at this point we're all pretty sure he was gender queer or struggling with identity.
his aversion for oppression, his stand with the marginalized, not accepting racism, homophobia, transphobia BECAUSE THAT IS THE HEART OF DIY (spurred by my black people cos ofc it is and we do everything) and i wish that he could have beeen better.
to me it seems like his pain with his crohns (or wahtever he had) lead to his intense struggle with drugs because that's pretty common when needing pain management. on top of that, his family's history of MI. on top of that, his life being hounded and not being prepared for it (this i think is the idea of white privilege at work and wasn't naive of him necessarily, but...it's just something he thought wouldnt happen to him. that's whiteness at work as who they were as a diy fucking anti pop anti capital punk band. sonic youth said 'we didnt sell out, we made them buy in') and his rship with courtney. he said without court he might be gay or bi.
i won't read his journals, it's too fucking much for me and i dont feel allowed or maybe i will when i can handle it, but i know reading about them and him and hearing the way he changed his songs and his abhorrence for bravado, for men that talk about women as disposable and sex objects, for not being able to enjoy a punk band, for the whiteness and maleness. krist novoselic was a 6'7 fucking bassist and dave grohl is a sizeable dude with hideous tattoos. back then, no one said a fucking bad thing about them. come as you are.
we know that suicide is a state we get into. when you go to a psych ward you see that it's actually calm and an ebb/flow. it is extremely fucking boring. the thing is we don't know if these feelings last forever. we can't go back and time and history cannot change. it was his decision, like jonghyun's, to end his life. but i know there could have been longer. if they got help. i try not to resent courtney especially not now with people being irresponsible and unearthing the FBI report on him. he killed himself but it was definitely emotionally sparred by her and she should have told people what happened weeks before his death.
but no one failed him per se. his suicide note is full of hope and it kills me to see. he should have been able to be whoever he wanted. been a son, been a daughter, been anything.
whenever i hear the changed lyrics or see him in a dress or hear distress i dont know. i wish we didnt lose him but i also know that no one wants to go back to that time. it wasn't necessarily great but it wasn't all bad. and i wish commodity didn't destroy legacy. i wish we werent's so obsessed with the death and gore instead of the liveliness and hilarity of this band and of kurt. and i wish we could talk about him more and the idea that maybe there's so much going on with it; i have many critiques for things they have done, things kurt has done as well.
i'm talking in circles but i genuinely just get bummed. every day he is still dead. but this dude man......i love him a lot. i'm so glad nirvana gave what they did to the world. getting to know kurt so long after the fact is fucking hard sometimes. it is frustrating. but focusing on the positives too or trying to understand another perspective has given me a lot of insight. and i always try and remember that it wasn't just one thing, that nirvana were a band, it wasn't just him, and he could have been better but it just didn't work out that way. it's not solely about his internal pain and the narrative of a tortured artist is suffocating.
he wanted to be a star, make this insane pop song, and when he got it he didnt realize it became everything he hated. he was already struggling and all this shit hit a point. i have mad respect for them still. dave grohl said billie eilish is the kurt of her gen (about 2 yrs ago) and that drives me up a wall for various reasons. antiblackness and class. fuck that. these dudes were poor as fuck trucking it through washington with other bands and the basis is blacness and black art they were trying to fight and make it and give a shit man. it didnt turn out the way they could handle but they were not PRIMIING themselvs for musical stardom. no artist who cares would do that. but if you get the recognition you want because who doesn't, it comes at a price too.
this is why i critique commodity and capital so intensely. i participate, and i will have to as an artist. i don't have a desire to be poor because i've lived a life that gave me space to see what i want to do. i have class privilege (and a lot of debt) and i am grateful. but it isnt like i dont want peopl eto know. it's just that i know that i can't give in and accept and demand nothing and then decide to hoard it to myself. taht money that goes in funnels out and is not for me to keep. there is no trickling down. dont paly yrself.
artists like kurt and in a sense like MF Doom (rapper who only came out to be seen when he wanted to) or DMX even it's like....man u came out fucking fighting to be heard you know. do your thing. make your shit. be amazing. esp black people. DMX had a fucking face for a camera. hopefully i'm gonna watch belly at my best friend's house on the 28th.
i wish everyone who deserves to stay can stay until their body releases them in the most pleasant way as possible. jessica walter's death made me sad, but she was older and i'm so happy she got to live. same with cicely tyson. at the same time, the young deaths over drugs, suicide, accidents....id on't really get it. why is kissinger alive but these people can't stay? how did this come a somber tale of death instead of just i fucking love kurt cobain lmao
he's def one of those ppl that im like u rock. him, robeson, seberg to an extent. hm who else. wong kar wai, jenkins, joe (thai filmmaker whose name i cant spell.) all those people who are running forward on their own and beating their chest. yea i like that. an award is just another award. what matters is possibility and action.
RATHER BE DEAD THAN COOL
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(Me: when will you stop?
Also Me: till the earth explodes :3)
Name:
Veronica Flare
Name pronunciation:
Ver-on-i-ca Fla-re
Nickname:
The executioner
Personality:
Flamboyant, vengeful, extravagant, sadistic, loyal, looney, charming, jokester
Age:
523 years old
Species:
Venus flytrap
Sexuality:
Pansexual
Gender:
Transwoman
Pronouns:
She/her
Ethnicity:
???
Looks:
Backstory:
(WARNING: mentions of torture, suicide, & transphobia)
During the era of which Hatred was ruling over Amoretia, she had many enemies who would happily want her buried alive. So in response, Hatred decided to strike fear into them. She thought they'd be much easier to control and leave her alone if they were afraid of her. Yet, how could she accomplish it? Torture. But an amount of torture that would keep them alive and make others fear her. If her enemies saw the state of her victims, they would see what she was capable of. At first, Hatred would handle most of the torturing but couldn't for long. Her armies and supporters needed her leadership. So, Hatred hired multiple tortures to do the job for her. The job was simple, torture the enemy but too much to a point where they die. One problem though. Some of the things Hatred would instruct them to do, was a bit too much for them... Such as It affected their mental and emotional health. Hatred didn't care though, she still wanted them to do it. If they didn't, they would be met with her wrath. And one of the things no one should ever do.. is anger the queen.
The tortures slowly fell in numbers. Some of them going insane from what they committed. While others committed suicide. A few of them tried to start a revolt against the queen with the prisoners they were supposed to be torturing. In response, Hatred had them tied to a ship and slowly had it sink. Hatred hired more torturers but it would always seem to be a repeat of what happened last time. Going insane, suicide, and revolting against her. Seeing as no matter what she did, the issue wouldn't go away. After pondering with herself for a while, she came up with a perfect idea.
She'll create her own torturer.
Hatred went through many spells books in order to find a way to create such a being. Not being satisfied with any of the options she had, she went onto experiment. While she wasn't away fighting alongside her armies or making plans with her cabinet, she'd frequently experiment on how to create life. Her first few experimentations didn't go as planned. Most of them coming up as failures in her eyes. Hatred would get severely frustrated with not getting the results she wanted. Often destroying her own room in the process. Hatred tried for months to create the perfect specimen. They had to be equally terrifying, threatening, and cruel. As well as some certain traits that would make them not become insane or betray her. She made a specially designed potion containing such traits. Making the being morally corrupt, sadistic, and loyal to her and only her.
A year later, she finally got the result she wanted... Well, sort of. By using a venus flytrap along with a potion and black magic, she created a being from it. A being she would call Victor Flare. Of course Victor wasn't exactly what she wanted. To her he was way too skinny, not as tall, and not terrifying looking at all. Yet, he had some form of intelligence and had all four of his limbs along with working organs. By this point she was growing tired of experimenting and decided to go with him. He was born twenty three years old yet had the mind of a newborn. Right after he was created, Victor was immediately put to learning about Hatred's ideology. It confused him a lot at first. Mainly because he had no clue how to read or write. After realizing that the creature she created couldn't just learn about her ideology, she allowed him to be taught subjects like math, science, and language arts. Victor eventually learned how to read and write as well as speak. After becoming intelligent, Hatred thought that he was finally ready. She began to teach him how to torture her enemies. Most of the time the torture lessons would be hands-on. Victor found himself enjoying giving pain to people. Most likely due to Hatred making him have the certain traits that she desired. She was pleased with the outcome of seeing him torture and made him her royal torturer. Finally getting what she wanted, Hatred could finally focus on spreading her ideology as well as defeating some of her enemies. She'd usually bring back some soldiers on the enemies side or even her main enemy for Victor to torture. He'd always do as she requested in order to make her happy. Hatred never physically showed her happiness but did seem to be pleased with what he did. Although he could do better. Hatred eventually casted a spell that gave him powers that would allow him to do more awful things. The powers were tied to his species which allowed him to control and manipulate plant life. Victor became fascinated with his powers. His first thought was how there were so many ways to make a person suffer. He would then use his powers, primarily manipulating vines in order to tear them apart, limb by limb, slowly and painfully.
As much as he enjoyed making Hatred's enemies suffer, he started having other thoughts. He began to question his own actions. Why was he torturing these people? Sure he liked it but why them? He knew they were the enemy but why were they the enemy? When asking Hatred these questions, she only reiterated that they didn't follow the right way of how to truly live. How love was an infectious disease and how it would be the Galaxy's downfall. How she was born in order to stop such a thing from happening. Even though Victor was maybe five months old at this point, knew that her ideology was incredibly flawed. Yet, he never commented anything about it. Knowing that if he did, she'd torture him as well. Victor knew that these people he was hurting were innocent... Strangely, it made it much more fun for him. Most likely due to him being specifically made morally corrupt. After answering that question, there was another question brewing in his mind.. Who was he? Well he knew who he was. He was the loyal servant to Hatred who was given the task to harm her enemies. But.. who was he really? Behind those layers of plant flesh and blood? What was the core center? This lead to him questioning his own identity.
He questioned if he was only a torturer and if that was the only thing in his life. Victor wanting more meaning in his life took up hobbies. Mainly reading books. His favorite books being that of fairytales. Victor would also often be taking care of his appearance. Nobody wants blood stained faces after torturing all day. He first wondered if he wasn't a torturer, what else could he be? Maybe a makeup artist or a hair dresser. Those jobs sounded thrilling but not as much fun as tearing someone's skin off. As much as Victor took care of his appearance, he could never shake the feeling something was off about him. He felt uncomfortable in his skin. Often covering his skin with layers of clothing. He never knew why though. He didn't know but felt like he needed to. Victor would only get his answer when he was reading another one of his books. It showed illustrations of beautiful women wearing gowns and enjoying a picnic. Victor felt what would be known as "gender dysphoria". He felt uneasy with his own gender. As if he was born in the wrong body. Well, he kinda was as Hatred would put it. Although it was more about gender for him but it was everything else from Hatred. She didn't even want him to have a gender in the first place. Victor would slowly begin to put on makeup. First it was a bit of eyeliner then lipstick and full on layer of makeup. He felt comfortable with himself as he put on the makeup. Victor felt beautiful. When Hatred was away, he'd sneak into her room and wear one of her dresses. He didn't like the colors but enjoyed wearing it regardless. Eventually, Hatred would catch him doing this. In response she yelled at him before kicking him out of her private quarters. She wasn't mad about him wearing a dress but actually about that it was HER dress. Hatred didn't like it when people touched her things. Despite that, Victor began to take on more feminine traits. He started to talk in a much more high pitched voice. He wore high heels while torturing people. They were confused but didn't question it if they wanted a harsher punishment. One day, Victor full on dressed in a beautiful long gown, heels, and makeup. He adored it very much and praised himself for looking so good. Yet, he still didn't feel comfortable with himself. Despite looking gorgeous, he didn't like his gender. He didn't feel like he was born in the right body. He was destained to be someone else. Victor came to the conclusion that he wasn't born to be a man... He was supposed to be a woman. But how exactly could he turn into one..?
Magic. That was the answer. If Hatred could create him with just a potion and a few funny magic words, then surely there was a way for him to become a woman. After looking through several spell books, he finally found the spell he was looking for. The creation of a potion that would allow one to permanently become a woman. It was hard work but Victor managed to collect all the ingredients he needed to make the potion. He then finally drank the potion. It was a success and a bit later, Victor would change his name to Veronica. Along with his pronouns to she/her. When Hatred came to learn of this, she didn't really care. All she wanted was her enemies to suffer. Veronica happily compiled as soon as Hatred called her by her correct pronouns.
Veronica finally felt comfortable with herself. Enjoying to be in her own skin and loving herself throughout. Although she was met with a problem, many people loathed her for torturing people. When her enemies found out that she was trans, they decided to harass her on that. Often yelling slurs at her and sending hurtful letters about how horrible of a MAN she was. Veronica was angered by this. Offended that they still thought of her as a man and not as a woman. She could take being called a horrible person for committing atrocious acts or even being called a literal hellspawn. Veronica found their insults to be humourous sometimes. She'd even provoke them to insult her more. But misgendering her was taking it too far... She wasn't a man anymore and was happy being her true self. Then it all came crashing down when many people began to refer to her as "Victor" her deadname. Finally reaching her breaking point, Veronica unleashed hell on Amoretia... All of her enemies would feel her wrath for treating her horribly. Many of them were mainly torn limb from limb while others had much more horrible punishments. One person was slowly impaled by a bamboo shoot. Another covered in flowers that attracted bees and slowly died from being stung to death. Yet the one person that met the worst fate was young woman by the name of Patty Marrion. Patty would often be the one harassing Veronica daily. Calling her all sorts of horrible things, saying her decisions were choices instead of actually feelings, and literally made pamphlets demonizing trans folk. After weeks of being tormented, Patty was now at the mercy of Veronica who wasn't very keen on letting her go. Veronica seem to play it simple though... All she asked Patty to do was drink a glass of wine she specially made for her. Patty knew this was one of her sick and twisted games of Veronica. She expected to be poisoned but nothing to seem to happen at first. Yet before Patty could respond, most likey taunting her about how her planned failed, she began to feel something change inside her... What Patty hadn't realized was that Veronica put inside a special seed. A special seed that slowly turned Patty into a tree... It was quite a horrifying sight as Patty realized what was happening to her. She begged for mercy. Apologizing repeatedly for her actions. Yet, it was too late... Veronica watched in glee as Patty slowly circumed to her fate. Right after the transformation was complete, Veronica took an axe, chopped down the tree, and made a lovely chair for Hatred to sit on. Veronica's tyranny wouldn't end after those events. Right after she went in a rampage and gifting Hatred the chair, Hatred promoted her by making her executioner. As well as have some form of control over Amoretia while she was away fighting wars. It was a very good deal for Veronica as now she could implement about how much she adored being herself and torture anyone she wanted!
Unfortunately after two years of this, Hatred would then be "executed" by her enemies. Veronica became extremely depressed that their "wonderful" and "fantastic" leader was put to death. Not wanting her legacy of destroying all love to die out, Veronica tried to lead Amoretia and the armies herself. Veronica never truly believed in destroying love but would do it out of respect for Hatred. Yet, the other monarchies weren't going to let that happen. They declared that Veronica had to be put to death for her crimes. She would end up going on the run for a while. Then, it seemed like she straight up disappeared. There wasn't any trace of her left. No leads, no eyewitnesses, and no sightings. Amoretia would soon be ran by a government in order to establish some sort of order. Sadly, the kingdom would never return back to it's prime time... Although some people on Amoretia do still believe Veronica is still out there... Plotting.. Seeking revenge.. and going to return one day.
Likes:
Makeup, fashion, taunting others, desserts, making jokes/puns, torturing people, violence, & practicing magic
Dislikes:
Being misgendered, her deadname, people disrespecting Hatred, insects, stepping on her shoes, transphobes, dull things, and sour foods
Powers/abilities:
Nature manipulation - connected directly to the natural world and thus can communicate, influence, manipulate and control nature
Potion making - substances with magical properties such as enhancing physical and mental abilities, healing, granting powers, changing shape, or bewitching someone depending on the kind of potion that is made.
Immortality - endless lifespan
Weaknesses:
Fire - the most feared thing a plant could ever face.
Vulnerable - can have a long lifespan but can still die
Water - isn't a very strong swimmer
Physical strength - Veronica isn't the strongest and even Baozhai could beat her in a fight
Occupation:
Torturer & Executioner
Other:
Veronica's flytrap flaps often closes whenever she goes to sleep or whenever she doesn't want to talk to anyone.
#I'm sorry if i portray my trans character inaccurately#this is my first time writing and creating a transgender character#I'm open to any criticism if you have any to give in order to improve her character and to accurately portray her being trans#Baozhai: um who are you?#Veronica: I'm you but much better looking#Baozhai: HEY >:((#oc insert#Veronica
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I didn't mean to fall in love with you
Chapter One
Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)
Pairing: Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC (Beck Hughes)
Genre: None (in this post, al least)
Rating: Anyone can read it, really.
This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)
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Can someone explain to her how a person who claims to be so disinterested in the ranking was magically climbing to the top twenty?
Poppy didn’t buy it for a second, she always knew Beck were going to be a pain in her ass ever since the first time she saw them looking at her as if they weren’t impressed, but she wasn’t fully aware of how much.
“You don’t have to worry about them, Poppy” Chloe said while the strawberry blonde retouch her make up in the mirror inside her own room. “Beck is just a dude”
“Transphobia much, Chloe?” Veronica murmured playfully, wanting to start drama among her streaming fans.
“No! What I'm saying is… Beck's brain works as a regular dude, right? How much smart can they be?”
“Ha! That´s rich coming from you” Veronica laughed.
Both girls started a discussion about related shit, Beck’s brain, hormones and else while Poppy put on the mascara. Completely silent, thinking.
She treated Beck as a common enemy, she attacked them just like she would to any other lost lamb trying to be the wolf but it was not enough. Even one of those plans exploded in her own face: ruining and breaking Beck's guitar caused that they not only get a flashy and beautiful new one, but sang side by side with the one and only Jaylen Riaz, making a huge performance. Even better than hers, which was something painful and humiliating at the same time, especially after Veronica told her Beck’s YouTube channel had a followers increase, making them even more popular.
Chloe was right on something: Beck’s brain worked like a dude, and if she had learned something was that men in general were manipulable. Take a look at Michael, he was dumb as hell. Liam was a douchebag. Luis, Ford… well, they… they´re there. The only golden boy among them was Carter, and yet, he wasn´t that hard, she just gave him what he wanted in that party and after that, everything ran smoothly.
And that´s what she needed.
Poppy´s look changed, her eyes sparkled in a very malicious way and a smile crossed her face for a split second. She now had a plan, and unexpectedly, it was a Chloe attribution.
“Maybe if we accused them of cheating…?” Chloe suggested, but Poppy knew better.
“That won´t be necessary, Chlo” Poppy intervened for the first time in a while, making both girls look at her intrigued. They knew Poppy, and the little smile she had on her lips as she applied lipstick was a proof. The blonde was onto something juicy. Veronica ended the live and awaited. “Beck will be mine.”
~~X~~
It was kinda lame to her, but finding Beck completely alone under the football stands playing guitar was at least convenient. They were an eye candy from the start, that was a fact. The way that white t-shirt embraced their body was something else to see, her mind went back to the second time she saw them. The sassy rock star kind of look Beck had, even the haircut was perfect, Poppy knew that was a Zoey Wade signature and she kinda thanked her for it. Beck was damn fine, that fact made easier her plan to be honest.
“You know… You do pass pretty well as a man”
Beck stopped playing, literally frozen in place as a statue.
“What did you just say?” Their tone of voice was cold, almost insulted. Did she just get it wrong? No, she´s never wrong. A Queen can´t be wrong, especially a Min-Sinclair queen.
“It was a compliment, Farmsville” she said, rolling her eyes.
“That´s not a compliment” Beck chuckled, putting the guitar aside. “I mean, I don´t mind, but if you are going to use that to the trans community… It~ may not end well” Poppy frowned, a little pissed off. She was doing an effort, no-one had ever heard a compliment from her and this little sh… “But thanks.” Beck offered her a sweet smile a second before turn it into a mocking one. “You do pass pretty well as a woman, too”
“Go fuck yourself!”
“And now she gets it!” They started laughing, making her really angry. Poppy walked away fuming, her head up high and a killer look murdering anyone who dare crossing ways with her.
That stupid ASSHOLE. Did they THINK they could disrespect her?! To HER! She was the number ONE, the fucking RULER of the entire school. Beck was lucky enough to be in her radar and they just throw stupid shit like that!
“To be fair… I did say it first”
“I thought it was a COMPLIMENT” She fight against herself. “What am I? Some trans expert?!”
“No… But I can be. I mean, to destroy my enemy…”
“I have to know them...”
Even thought she was still mad about it, Poppy tapped wildly though her phone. She needed to do something, and she knew just the thing.
“It´s ON, jackass”
~~X~~
POV: Beck
Top fifteen. Everyone was losing their shit because they were now top twenty and Beck... Well... They just didn´t want it.
And yeah, sure, that was kinda good. The students in Belvoire had begun to pay attention to their music as well, Beck even caught a few of them listen to songs Beck wrote and some other cover as well. Their art was taking off and that was awesome, don't get it wrong, that was something Beck wanted for so long, but...
They were afraid.
What if it was because of the stupid ranking?
What if Beck just wasn´t that good, and the only thing people would want was that Beck who studded up against Poppy Min-Sinclaire and lived to tell? Even Zoey, she was talking about popularity, Belvoire elite, and some “Person to watch-out” or shit Award which yes, was huge! But… Beck really was afraid that it was Beck who puts the music high and not backwards.
What if…
What if Poppy really messes all up?
“You know… You do pass pretty well as a man”
Poppy´s words in their mind caught Beck off guard. What was her deal anyway? She came and said some weird shit, and...
Actually, everything in that interaction was weird as fuck. And not just that, Beck meet Taylor by accident later that day in the ice cream shop, they both talked a little and they found out she had a big crush onto some random guy Beck didn´t knew before.
Of course Beck was the matchmaker! They even helped her by carrying those stupid anti-diarrheic pills to the lion´s den. Ok, yes, maybe~ Beck should´ve had given them to someone and not just let them in the front door… But it wasn´t their fault that The T found out!! Poppy was losing it, and of course it was them to blame.
Why can´t they just have a normal life… with normal problems… and not… this?
“I´m dead… I´m actually dead…” Beck thought while burying their head on their hands, tired.
“Beck? Hello? I assume you heard the details of the assignment.”
“What?”
“Ehm… Yeah! Totally” Beck said with a “confident” smile that nobody believed in, Professor Roberta even frowned before going back to the lecture, while Beck tried uselessly to catch something about the assignment from their classmates´ laptops. She hated Beck anyway, but it wasn´t good news to be always in her bad side.
“Shit! Shit! Shit! … What did she say?”
“Mass comm is all about reaching people far and wide, so this project is meant to give the voiceless in our own community a voice by…”
A penetrant gaze nailed their nape, giving them chills. Beck immediately looked for that one hawk over them and not to their surprise the person found on the other side was that deadly beauty called Poppy Min-Sinclair, watching Beck as they´re a prey. Feeling really drove up the wall, Beck winked playfully at her, expecting her to look away or some rude expression towards them.
But no.
Scaring the shit out of them, Poppy actually smiled back at Beck. A sweet, flirty smile that left them feeling their heart racing as crazy and their cheeks burning red, her dark eyes so into theirs that all their system collapsed... What was happening?
“Earth to Beck!”
Professor Roberta yelled, making Beck jump a little in their sit, breaking all eye contact between them both. When did Beck turn their body completely to watch Poppy? Of course the professor was mad, Beck was practically giving her their back! As faster as they could, Beck took the right seat, being even more embarrassed now while Poppy let go a chuckle, they could hear her from any other laughter just as clearly as if she were so close.
“Oh, sorry. I… Sorry”
“Find your community service project partner please” Professor said. Beck gathered their things and head into the aisle, looking around, praying to find someone whiling to work with them and, mainly, explain to them what was that project about. The thing was everyone had already a partner. Everyone except for…
The strawberry blonde was gazing Beck as sure as someone who´s waiting for this chance can be. Smiling that same smile that caused them to feel butterflies in their stomach… Beck wasn´t sure if they were aroused… or scared.
“Professor Roberta… I need a new partner” Beck practically begged. “I´m sorry. I just can´t work with Poppy.”
The pretty but odd teacher was about to say something. Something bad based on the expression on her face, but a perfect made-up laughter cut her words, as Beck was feeling how a soft and warm hand hooked to their arm.
“Nonsense, professor! I am pretty sure we´ll be working just fine.” Poppy said, a relaxed expression drawn on her porcelain face. “Let´s go, Hughes.”
Ok, Beck was now scared. As both of them walked out the classroom, Beck´s brain was running wild, thinking about every and each form Poppy could use to disappear them from the face of the earth. Ironic, Beck survived Farmsville but they´ll be totally done in New York. Ha! Life hates them.
“Listen, I know what you are thinking…”
Really?
“... but the last thing I need right now is having my GPA taken away. So I´ve already figured it all out. We´re doing an animal shelter commercial for our project. I can ask daddy to borrow the equipment and crew”
“Didn´t think of you as a daddy person” Beck laughed, a little more repose.
“Shut the fuck up, Farmsville. This will be easy, so all I need you to do is… Oh my god.”
Poppy stared at her phone completely in shock, color draining from her face as it was sucked by a dementor.
“I have to go. We can figure out the deets later, I´ll text you where to meet me”
Then, she just left. Beck took a deep breath and let out a hiss.
“Gosh, this school is going to kill me!”
They said, who would have thought a class could be so much?
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#queen b choices#choices#trans#ftm#poppy x mc#malemc#poppy min sinclair#bea hughes#Beck Hughes#choices stories you play#choices poppy#choices queen b mc#mc x poppy
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If you are wondering who is to blame for current LGBT+ people situation in Poland here's a lovely list. Most of these people you can find on twitter which I will probably provide direct links to so you definitely shouldn't ask them multiple times why are they homophobic and why didn't they do nothing to prevent such aggression towards LGBT+ community.
Here we go:
Every polish president after 1989: Lech Wałęsa, Aleksander Kwaśniewski, Lech Kaczyński (deceased) who did nothing to make Poland LGBT-friendly country or even acknowledge issues of the LGBT community; Also Leszek Mller who run the country before ‘89 and still is a politician. When his granddaughter came out as queer he immediately said it’s not true and she isn’t queer.
Special "thanks" goes to current president Andrzej Duda who said "LGBT are not people, it is ideology"
Current prime minister Mateusz Morawiecki who preferred to light a candle under Christ statue decorated in pride flag, than do that on a bridge Milo (trans person) jumped from because they couldn't bare the hate their receive for simply being themselves. Such a huge "all citizens are important to me" isn't it? :)))
Deputies of radical far right-wing party Konfederacja: Krzysztof Bosak, Janusz Korwin-Mikke (who currently said LGBT people should be stoned to death), Grzegorz Braun, Dobromir Sośnierz who are notorious with homophobia
Archbishop Sławoj Leszek Głódź (notoriously calls LGBT a deviation)
Every police officer for establishing this oppressive state. ACAB
Gej Przeciwko Światu (Gay against the world), knows as Waldemar Krysiak, a right-winger who currently live in Germany but has the audacity to tell polish LGBT people they have every right they should have and there is no need to fight for more (just for the record: the only rights we have are those of citizens). He also made transphobic jokes after Milo died and is notorious in his transphobia.
Every deputy of liberal party Koalicja Obywatelska, even those seemingly LGBT-friendly, special thanks to: Grzegorz Schetyna, Małgorzata Kidawa-Błońska, Rafał Trzaskowski (currently a president of Warsaw who signed "LGBT+ card" but he could've sign a blank paper as well because it didn't changed anything; extremely passive when it comes to aggression against LGBT+. Right now he is on holidays so he doesn't even care that yesterday police beat the protesters up and is trying to lock them in prisons for no reason). Also less known members and members of KO's youth group like Mikołaj Wasiewicz wgl congratulated police for their brutality towards protestors yesterday and Wiktor Kos who wrote on twitter "There is no Margot. We were lied to by those fuckers from LGBT. there is [Margot's deadname], a fellon who assaulted a truck, destroyed private property. Man with balls who pretends to be a woman, who needs a therapy" (omg 🤢)
Liberals in general because they have this thing called "being objective" which means supporting the right-wing and blaming the left-wing for anything
Minister of education: Dariusz Piontkowski ("We are against LGBT ideology"), Anna Zalewska ("LGBT card is against constitution" "there is no place for that in polish schools")
Every priest, even those from small churches in small villages, who have ever turned people against LGBT+ people. Here special thanks to priest Jacek Międlar who is openly a fascist
Right-wing, fascist organisations like ONR and Młodzież Wszechpolska (Krzysztof Bosak is a former member of MW btw)
Children's Ombudsman Mikołaj Pawlak, who is not only doing nothing about the child-abuse but also is against any sexual education, LGBT rights and did nothing to help or even acknowledge issues of LGBT teenagers
Ordo Iuris, a fundamentalist christian organisation that funds trucks with anti-LGBT messages like "LGBT people are pedophiles" (they are also "pro-life"). If you want to ask them something I recommend asking Kaja Godek, a notorious anti-feminist, someone who values embryos over living breathing LGBT children and any other lifes tbh
Every sexologist, psychologist and therapist who tried to "fix" LGBT person
Every comedian and director of comedy movies/shows that made disgusting homophobic jokes
Every teacher who ignored issues of LGBT+ youth and was blind and deaf when they cried for help
Every polish author, especially those writing fantasy books, who are consequently homophobic and never did nor never will apologize for it (Rafał Ziemkiewicz especially because beside being an author he is also tangled up in politics)
Every person who decided to stay silent
I will probably also make a post with translation of what polish politicians say about LGBT and I will put trigger warning because it is so disgusting.
#lgbt#lgbt+#lgbt activism#poland#news from poland#polish affairs#polish politicians#anti anti-lgbt#andrzej duda#prezydent andrzej duda#mateusz morawiecki#ordo iuris#margot#margot szutowicz#muremzamargot#muremzastopbzdurom#stop bzdurom#list of polish anti-lgbt politians#polish activism
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J.K Rowling & The Echo Chamber of TERFs: Why Nobody Wants your Transphobic “Opinion”
TW// Discussion of Sexual Assault and Transphobia
SO...
I’ve seen the term “allyship fatigue” going round a lot lately on Twitter, since the issues of police brutality, institutional racism, and now transphobia have taken central stage.
And it’s weird. To be honest, hearing other white cis people calling themselves “allies” has always sounded kinda self-congratulatory. Taking this to the level of martyrdom that the phrase “allyship fatigue” evokes makes me want to heave. It’s shit that anyone even has to be saying Black Lives STILL Matter, but it does seem to unfortunately be the case that every time there is a highly publicised murder of a black individual by police, the explosion of us white people calling ourselves allies and retweeting and reblogging statements of solidarity only lasts so long before half revert back to being complacent with and uncritical of a world seeped with casual racism. Is that what “allyship fatigue” is? The excuse for that? Not only does the term take the focus off of the marginalised group the movement is centred around but it makes supporting equal rights sound like some kind of heroic burden we’ve chosen to take on rather than addressing a debt we owe and being not even good but just plain decent human beings. WE are not the ones shouldering the weight here, and if your mental health is suffering, that is not the fault of the people asking for their rights. Log off. We have the privilege to do that. It just doesn’t need to be a spectacle.
At the same time, this public onslaught of ignorance and hatred that the coverage of the Black Lives Matter movement has triggered (that let me again emphasise, black people have had to involuntarily be on the receiving end of their whole lives) and the frustration and anger that comes from seeing these absolute trash takes from people with no research into the subject who build their argument purely on “what about”isms is do-I-even-want-to-bring-children-into-this-fucking-world levels of miserable. In terms of earth beginning to look more and more like the prequel describing the events which lead up to a dystopian novel, the chaos of the last 4 weeks or so (2020 has not only shattered the illusion of time but also danced on the shards, I know) is the tip of the iceberg. I saw a thread about what’s going on in Yemen at the moment, which I had no idea about, and immediately felt consumed by guilt that I didn’t know. With the advent of social media, there’s been this sudden evolutionary shift where we’re almost required and expected to know about, have an opinion on, and be empathetic with every humanitarian crisis at once. I think young people feel this especially, which is why I say that sometimes it’s worth talking to an older person before you brush them off as a racist or a homophobe and see if they’re open to hearing different opinions-in general, I think we’re a generation that is used to being expected to consume a huge amount of information at once. They are not. For a lot (NOT all) of the older, middle-class, white population, ignorance isn’t a conscious choice, it is the natural way of life. The parameters of empathy until very recently have only had to extend just past your closest circle of friends to encompass people you “relate to”. That doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of caring about other things, and sometimes we owe them a chance to change their perspective first, if for no reason other than to advance the cause of, well, basic human rights for all.
So where does J.K Rowling come into all this? I hear you ask. Why doesn’t she just stop rambling? You potentially wonder. Well, I’m getting to it.
J.K Rowling isn’t an unconsciously ignorant people. She is what I would call consciously ignorant. And of all weeks to flaunt this ignorance, she chose a time when people are already drowning in a cesspit of hatred. The woman whose whole book series supposedly revolves around the battle between good and evil didn’t even try to drain the swamp. She instead added a bucket of her transphobic vitriol into it.
Let me preface this by saying that I wouldn’t wipe my arse with the Sun. What they did with the statement she made regarding her previous abusive relationship, seeking out said abusive partner for an interview and putting it on the front page with the headline “I slapped J.K”, whilst expected from the bunch of cretinous bottom feeders who work there, is disgusting. That being said, the pattern of behaviour J.K Rowling has exhibited since she first became an online presence is equally disgusting, and just because the Sun have been their usual shithead selves, doesn’t mean we should forget the issue at hand, that issue being her ongoing transphobia and erasure of trans women from women’s rights.
As I’m sure is the case for many people on Tumblr, J.K Rowling has always been such a huge inspiration for me, and Harry Potter was my entire childhood. My obsession with it continued until I was at least 16 and is what got me through the very shit years of being a teenager, and that will forever be the case. I’m not here to discuss the whole separation of the art from the artist thing because whilst I ordinarily don’t think that’s really possible, at this point the “Harry Potter universe” has become much bigger than J.K herself. I was so pleased to see Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint all affirm their support for trans rights-I was raised on the films up until the 4th one which I wasn’t old enough to see at the cinema, and the DVD was at the top of my Christmas list. They were always my Harry, Hermione and Ron. It was only between the fourth and fifth films that I started to read the books to fill that gaping in-between-movies hole, but as I grew up, I read them over and over and over again. Any of the subtext that people are talking about now in light of her antisemitism and transphobia went completely over my head, though who knows, whilst I can sit here and write that I’m certain I didn’t, maybe I did pick up some unconscious biases along the way? The art/artist discussion is a complex one and I don’t know if I’ll ever read the books again at this point.
There was absolutely no subtext, however, in the “think piece” on J.K’s website addressing the response to her transphobic tweets. There wasn’t all that much to unpack in the first tirade, they were quite openly dismissive-first that womanhood is defined by whether or not one experiences menstruation (I currently don’t due to health issues but I’m betting this wouldn’t make me any less woman in her eyes), and second, regurgitating an article which furthers the fallacy that trans women simply existing erases the existence of cisgender lesbian women. Rowling’s initial response to the backlash was to blame it on a glass of red wine, I think? Which is such a weird go-to excuse for celebrities because not once have I ever got drunk and completely changed my belief system. If you’re not transphobic sober, you don’t suddenly become transphobic drunk. What you are saying is that you’re not usually publicly transphobic (which isn’t even the case with Rowling because this is hardly her first flirtation with bigotry via social media) but that whoopsies! You drank some wine and suddenly thought it was acceptable!
Now what is her excuse for the formal response she wrote to the backlash, dripping with transphobic dog whistles and straight up misinformation (UPDATE: and as of yesterday, blocking Stephen King quite literally for replying to her with the tweet “trans women are women”, in case you thought that this whole thing was a case of her intentions being misconstrued)? Drunk tweets are one thing but if she managed to write a whole fucking essay whilst pissed I imagine there’s a lot of university students out there who’d pay her good money to learn that skill.
Here is the bottom line. TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN. There is no discussion around that. And if you don’t understand why, at the very least, you can be respectful of the way a person chooses to identify, especially when that person is an already targeted minority.
Obviously, sex and gender are complex things. Based on the fact that we don’t walk around with our nether-regions out, we generally navigate our way through the world using our gender and the way we present our gender. Gender of course means many different things to many different people; some see it as a sliding scale kind of thing whereas some people can’t see themselves on the scale at all, and choose to use terms other than man or woman to express how they identify. But, whatever gender one chooses to identify as, we live in a modern world-with all the scientific advancements we’ve made and all that we now know about the brain, using what is between people’s legs to define them is an ignorant, outdated copout. You’ll find that a lot of transphobes can live in harmony with trans women who conform, who have classically feminine features, maybe facial feminisation surgery, trans women who keep quiet about how they’re seen by cis women and don’t kick up “too much of a fuss” (which is in itself still a perfectly valid, brave and understandable way to live your life after years of feeling like you don’t fit in btw). The trans women that Joanne and her friends take the most issue with is the ones who want to expand what womanhood means and stretch the boundaries of what is and isn’t acceptable, destroying the confines of simplistic model that TERFs feel comfortable operating within. The ones who fight to be recognised as no “lesser” than cis women. Calling a person a TERF is quite literally just asserting that they are someone who wants to exclude trans women from their definition of womanhood, or in other words wants to cling to the old, obsolete model. If J.K Rowling cannot let the statement “trans women are women” go unchallenged (which we’ve seen from her response to Stephen King’s tweet she cannot), then she is by definition a TERF. It’s not a slur. It’s a descriptor indicating the movement she has chosen to associate herself with. Associating the descriptor of the position you so vehemently refuse to denounce in spite of all evidence and information offered to you with the concept of a “witch hunt” when trans women are ACTUALLY brutally murdered for an innate part of their identity is insulting, at the very least.
Let’s get this straight: despite transphobes trying to conflate sex with gender and arguing that sex is the only “real” identifier of the two, our existence on this planet and our perception of this world is a gendered experience. It is our brain, where the majority of researchers agree that gender lies, which decides and dictates not only who we are and how we feel but also how we interact with everyone around us. I don’t think it’s an outlandish statement to say that when it comes to who we are as people, that flesh machine protected by our skull is the key player. PSA for transphobes everywhere: when people say penises have a mind of their own, they are NOT talking literally. The more you know.
Gender is obviously a much newer concept than sex-it is both influenced by and interacts with every element of our lives. It’s also much more complex, in that there are still many gaps in our understanding. I assume these two factors combined with the familiarity of the (usually) binary model of biological sex are a part of why TERFS fundamentally reject the importance of gender in favour of the latter. Yes, most of the time, we feel our gender corresponds with our sex, but not always, and nor is there any concrete proof that this has to be the case. Most studies tend to agree that our brains start out as blank slates, that we grow into the gender we are assigned based on our bodies. In other words, our sex only defines our gender insofar as the historical assumption that they are the same thing, which in turn exposes us to certain cultural expectations. To any TERFs that have somehow ended up here-if you haven’t already, I suggest looking into the research of Gina Rippon, a neuroscientist whom has spent a large portion of her professional career analysing the data of sex differences in the brain. Whilst she originally set out to find some kind of consistent variance between the brains of the 2 prominent sexes to back up the idea that the brains of men and women are inherently different, she found nothing of significance-individual differences, yes, but no consistent similarities in the brains of one sex that were not present in the other. Once differences in brain size were accounted for, “well-known” sex differences in key structures disappeared-in terms of proportion, these structures take up the same amount of space in the brain regardless of sex. Her findings are best summed up by her response to the question: are there any significant differences in the brain based on sex alone? Her answer is no. To suggest otherwise is “neurofoolishness”. Not only does her research help put to bed the myth that our brains are sexed along with the rest of our bodies during development (this is now believed to happen separately, meaning the sex of our bodies and brains may not correspond), but also the idea propagated by the patriarchy for centuries that basically boils down to “boys will be boys”-a myth used to condone male sexual violence against women and even against each other on the basis that it is inherent and “can't be helped”. That they are just “built differently”. Maybe at one point in human evolution, men were conditioned to fight and women were conditioned to protect, but whilst the idea remains and continues to affect our societal structures (and thus said cultural expectations), we’ve moved on. I mean we evolved from fish for fuck’s sake but you don’t see us breathing underwater.
Gender identity is based on many things and admittedly we don’t fully have the complete picture yet. The effects that socialisation and gender norms in particular, as much as we don’t want them to exist, have on our brain are huge; there’s evidence that they can leave epigenetic marks, or in other words cause structural changes in the brain which drive biological functions and features as diverse as memory, development and disease susceptibility. Socialisation alters the way our individual brains develop as we grow up, and as much as I’d love to see gender norms disappear, they’ll probably be around for a long time to come, as will their ramifications. The gap between explaining how socialisation affects the brain of cisgender individuals compared to the brains of transgender or non-binary individuals is not yet totally clear, but as with every supposed cause and effect psychology tries to uncover, there are outliers and individual differences. No, brains are not inherently male or female at birth but they are all different, and can be affected by socialisation differently. In one particularly groundbreaking study conducted by Dick Swaab of the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience, postmortems of the brains of transgender women revealed that the structure of one of the areas in the brain most important to sexual behaviour more closely resembled the postmortem brains of cisgender women than those of cisgender men-it’s also important that these differences did not appear to be attributable to the influence of endogenous sex hormone fluctuations or hormone treatment in adulthood.
Maybe dysphoria is something that evolves organically and environmental factors don’t even come into it. Like I said, we don’t have the whole picture. What we DO know is that for some people, as soon as they become self-aware, that dysphoria is there, and the evidence for THAT, for there being common variations between the brains of cisgender individuals and transgender individuals, is overwhelming. You can be trapped in a body that does not correspond with how your brain functions, or how you wish to see yourself. Do individuals like J.K Rowling really believe it is ethical to reinforce the idea that we are defined by our sex and that our sex should decide the course of our lives, should decide how we are treated? That we should reduce people to genitals and chromosomes when our gender, the lens through which we see and interact with the world, could be completely different? Do they not see anything wrong with perpetuating the feelings of “otherness” and dysphoria in trans individuals that results from society’s refusal to see them as anything more than what body parts they have? In a collaboration between UCLA MA neuroscience student Jonathan Vanhoecke and Ivanka Savic at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, the statistics collected pointed to what trans activists have always been trying to get at-the areas of the brain responsible for our sense of our identity showed far more neural activity in the brains of trans individuals when they were looking at depictions of their body that had been changed to match their gender identity than when this wasn’t the case; when they saw themselves with a body that corresponded with their gender identity, when they were “valid” by society’s definition, they felt more themselves. When J.K Rowling tells trans people that their “real identity” is the sex they were born with, she is denying them this right to be themselves and due to her large platform, encouraging others to do the same. YOU are doing that, J.K. And who knows why? Where does your transphobia come from? Peel back the bullshit layers of waffle about feeling silenced and threatened, which you know you are directing at the wrong group of people, and admit it’s for less noble reasons. Taking the time to unlearn the instinct embedded into your generation to see people according to the cultural status quo of biological determinism is effort, I know-but you wrote a 700+ page book. I’m sure you can manage it. Or is it an ego thing? You don’t want to admit that you may have been uneducated on gender and sex in the past, and now have to stick by your reductive position so your image as an “intellectual” isn’t compromised. I don’t know. Only you do. But your position is irresponsible and dangerous either way. You can make up bullshit reasons as to why the link between trans individuals and the incidence of suicide attempts and completions isn’t relevant or representative of the struggle that trans people face due to the hatred that people like you propagate but it is there, and you J.K Rowling, someone who has spoken in the past about the horror of depression, should know better. You should know better than to CLAIM you know better than the experienced researchers who have found the same pattern time and time again-that the likelihood of trans individuals committing suicide is significantly higher than that of cis people.
No, Rowling’s transphobia has never been as upfront as saying “I don’t believe transgender people exist” but she continues to imply that when she makes claims such as womanhood being defined by whether or not one experiences menstruation, and the completely subjective concept of whether an individual has faced sex-based violence from cisgender men. I’m sure she’d be out here taking chromosome proof cards like Oysters if it wasn’t for intersex individuals throwing her whole binary jam into a tailspin. Yep, there’s even suggestions that the binary biological model might not be so binary these days-just because two people have, say, XY chromosomes, does not mean that these chromosomes are genetically identical between individuals-the genes they carry can, and do, vary and so their actions and expressions of sex vary.
Ideally, what TERFs want to do with their language of “real womanhood” is create an exclusive club that trans women are left out of when they too suffer under the same patriarchal society that those who are born female do. Yes, they might not experience ALL the issues a person born with female genitalia do, but no two women’s life experiences are the same anyway. Trans women also have their own horrible experiences with the patriarchy, and are often victims of a specific kind of gendered violence that is purported by the idea of “real womanhood”. Don’t throw trans sisters under the bus because you’re angry about your experience as a woman on this planet-direct your anger at the fucking bus. Don’t claim that “many trans people regret their decision to transition” when the statistics overwhelmingly show that this is the EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE of the truth (according to British charity organisation Mermaids, surgical regret is proportionately very low amongst gender affirmation outpatients and research suggesting otherwise has been broadly disproven) because you’ve spoken to a selective group of trans individuals probably handpicked by the TERFS you associate with to confirm their biases, and then have the nerve to claim that trans-activists live in echo chambers on top of that. Don’t use anecdotes and one-off incidences where “trans women” (I say trans women in quotation marks because we’re pretty much talking about a completely statistically insignificant group of perverted cis men who have, according to TERFs, somehow come to the conclusion that going through transition will make their already easy-to-get-away-with hobby of assaulting women even...easier to get away with?) have committed sexual crimes to demonise and paint as predatory group who are largely at risk and in 99.9% of situations, the ones being preyed on. It’s a point so disgusting that trans activists shouldn’t even have to respond to it, but the idea that an individual would go to the pains of legally changing their gender and potentially the hell of the harassment that trans people face, the multiple year long NHS waiting lists to see specialist doctors, just so that they can gain access to women only spaces is ridiculous. It’s worth noting here just how sinister you repeatedly bringing up this phantom threat of cis men becoming trans women in order to assault women in “women only” spaces is. The implication here is that they should use the toilet corresponding to the sex they were born as, right? Because it’s all about safety? Well, statistically speaking, far more trans women are abused whilst having to use men’s toilets than when they use women’s ones and the same goes for trans men, and yet you don’t mention it once. Your suggestion also puts people born female who identify as women but maybe do not dress or present in a typically feminine way at risk of being ostracised when THEY need to use the women’s bathroom. The idea that by ceasing to uphold values like yours we are putting women at risk is quite simply, unsubstantiated; the legislation to allow individuals to use the bathroom corresponding to whichever gender they legally identify as has been around since 2010 in the UK and yet we’ve yet to see the sudden spike in the number of women being assaulted in bathrooms you imply will exist if we create looser rules around gender identity and let people use whichever toilet they feel the need to. Similarly, in a study of US school districts, Media Matters found that 17 around the country with protections for trans people, which collectively cover more than 600,000 students, had no problems with harassment in bathrooms or locker rooms after implementing their policies. If cis men want to assault women, they will. They don’t need to pretend to be trans to do so. Don’t pretend to be speaking as a concerned ally of LGBTQ+ individuals when you’re ignoring the thoughts of the majority of individuals who come under that category.
(Just Some of the Trans Women Murdered for Being Trans Over the Last Couple of Years, L-R: Serena Valzquez, Riah Milton, Bee Love Slater, Naomi Hersi, Layla Pelaez, and Dominique Fells)
Trans women are not the threat here. Bigots like you are the threat. HOW DARE you use your platform to reinforce this rhetoric that gets trans people killed when there are so many much MUCH more important things going on right now. Two black trans women had been murdered just for being black trans women in the week you wrote your essay defending those initial tweets. This is an ongoing issue. As a cis woman, my opinion should read as sacred texts to you right, Joanne? Because I’ll say with my whole chest that I feel far more threatened by bigots like you who do not care for the harmful impact of their words than I do by trans women. I do not feel threatened by trans women AT ALL. And yeah, to me, unless they tell me otherwise that they like to go out their way to affirm their trans-ness (which I completely respect-it takes a lot of courage to be proud about your past in a world that condemns you for it), they’re just WOMEN like any other. Yes their experience of “womanhood” may be different to mine but no two individuals experiences are the same anyway and our gender related suffering has the same cause. As a rich, white, cis woman, it’s wild that you are painting yourself as the victim in this debate when trans people can face life in prison and in some places a death sentence for openly identifying with a gender different to their sex in a lot of countries. Nobody is saying that you can’t talk about cis women. Nobody is saying you can’t talk about lesbian issues either, though it’s a bit of a piss-take that you like to throw that whole trans women erase lesbian existence argument out there as a kind of trump card to say “look, I can’t be a transphobe, I’m an LGBTQ+ ally!”, an argument akin to the racist’s age old “I can’t be racist, I have black friends!”. You know from the responses you get to your transphobia that majority of the LGBTQ+ community are very much adamant that trans women are “real women” and that the same goes for trans men being “real men”, so don’t claim to speak for them. You cannot simultaneously care about LGBTQ+ rights and deny trans people their right to live as who they are, however veiled your sentiments around that may be. The whole gay rights movement of the 60s and 70s exist partially BECAUSE of black trans women such as Martha P Johnson if you didn’t know, and though it’s kinda common knowledge I’m doubting that you do because very little of what you tout is backed up by any kind of research. The articles you retweet, echoing the views of lesbians who also happen to be TERFs do not count-the idea that trans people existing simultaneously erases the existence of lesbians only applies to individuals such as yourself who don’t see trans women as women in the first place. That is the problem! Most people don’t have an issue with the fact that you may have a preference for certain genitalia, but I would argue that ignoring exceptional circumstances related to trauma or some other complex issue, relationships are supposed to be with the person as a whole, not their “organic” penis or vagina and it’s kind of insulting to anyone in a same sex relationship to reduce their bond to that.
Back to my point though, of course there are issues that cis women and lesbians face that need talking about, but trans people are affected by the same patriarchal system. You don’t need to go out of your way to mention that they’re not included in whichever given specific issue when there are also cis women who may not have experienced some of the things TERFs reference. You especially don’t need to act as if trans women are the reason we need to have these discussions in the first place. As I’ve said, as MANY women have said, repeatedly-they are NOT the threat here. It is disgusting to see someone I once had so much admiration for constantly punch down at a group that is already marginalised. It’s 2020, J.K, there’s so much info out there. YOU’RE A FULLY GROWN WOMAN. There’s no justification. We get it, you had a tomboy phase. You weren’t like “other girls”. You didn’t like living under a patriarchal system. So you think you understand the mindset of people who want to transition. You think you’re not doing anything wrong by helping to slow the advancement of trans rights because well, you turned out fine? But you clearly fundamentally misunderstand what being trans is. It’s not about your likes and dislikes and having issues with the experience of being a woman (god knows we all do but I doubt anyone truly thinks for one moment that being trans would be any easier), it’s about how you think and feel at your core. It’s such a complex issue, and all the majority of trans people are asking you to do is LISTEN to them. You may be determined to live in binaries, yet the bigger picture is always more complex and fluid and it’s ever-changing, so all we can do is keep an open mind and keep wanting to know more and gather more evidence. If you’re capable of the mental gymnastics required to retcon the piece of work you wrote in the 90s to make it seem as if you were “ahead of the diversity game”, to the extent that you are now claiming Voldermort’s snake has always actually been a Korean woman and see nothing wrong with that when paired with the fact that the only Asian character you originally included was called Cho Chang, then well…I’m sure you can put your ego aside and do the groundwork to understand what trans people are trying to tell you too. You inspired a lot of children and teenagers and even adults, and got them through some very difficult times, taught that the strength of one’s character matters far more than what anyone thinks of you. You claimed you wanted to stand up for the outcasts.
Well, stand up for the outcasts. Now’s a better time than any. And once again: TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN AND TRANS MEN ARE MEN. They shouldn’t have to hear anything else.
Lauren x
[DISCLAIMER: shitty collages are mine but the background is not, let me know if you are aware of the artist so I can credit!]
#transisbeautiful#trans pride#trans lives matter#blm#black lives matter#jk rowling#trans rights#gender identity#gender studies#trans women are women#politics#socialism#safe space#all are welcome
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Because of transphobia and medical gatekeeping, I have destroyed my body beyond what a person my age should feel like. If I had been given the opportunity to transition or even just explore my gender when I first started hating my body, I wouldn't be severely sick and permanently disabled today. But sure, trans activism is dangerous and causes harm. Not the transphobes who surrounded me when I was a teen who was struggling and didn't do a thing to help when I started destroying myself.
That you are sick and disabled now doesn't change that trans activists cause a huge amount of harm. The positive things they may have brought about for people who transition and want to just live and let live (not the trenders or fetishists and incels and such) does not change that they also do a huge amount of harm to many groups, including those more rational trans people I just mentioned simply by association. And the harm they do in fact greatly cancels out the good.
Also, no matter how miserable and dysphoric you were it doesn't make transition a human right for you. Jobs, healthcare, food, medical care, etc; are human rights for trans people as they are for everyone. But cosmetic surgeries and hormone treatments aren't. If you are suffering so much because you can't alter your body that you damage yourself and/or are suicidal, that is an issue to receive therapy for - when someone is at such odds with their body they feel they need to severely hurt it, that is something that needs intense therapy. We don't help anorexics starve themselves, or people who use standard self harm as a coping mechanism to cut their skin deeper.
Also, your ask doesn't really tell me anything. It doesn't say what you mean by medical gatekeeping. It doesn't say how you harmed yourself. I don't know whether you were denied transition procedures because of the medical professionals refusing for personal beliefs, because there were laws against it, because you were severely mentally unstable, because a psychiatrist saw you had dysphoria from trauma alone and that therefore transition would not help you; but make you feel much worse later on (as has happened to many in recent years). It doesn't tell me any of this, you just make broad all or nothing statements and basically say "they made me hurt myself", which in the way you state it comes across as a personal deflection. The reasons for your pain may indeed have come from other people. Abuse, misogyny, religious cruelty, misery at being forced into societal gender roles, etc; that all is completely understandable. Extremely so if you're female, gender roles alone can make you significantly dysphoric, but you can't identify out of womanhood. What you CAN do is redefine womanhood from what society says it is, and you can refuse all those boxes, and you can fight tooth and nail against patriarchy and objectification and all the sex based oppression that makes woman want to throw off their womanhood, that is making so many women want to distance themselves from their bodies.
But if you're permanently disabled now, and I'm assuming from your ask that it is by your own hand - that comes from more than one issue. Not everything can be blamed on "transohobes", and you can't say that there was no other option for you than transition, because that is never true. Transition should be a choice only when all other options are exhausted. And there are indeed other options. If dysphoria is something that you want to kill yourself over if you don't receive transition right this instant; then something is very wrong and it comes from something deep, most likely trauma, that physical dysphoria is only a manifesting symptom of.
"Exploring your gender" especially tells me that you never really were presented with the fact that you can be your birth sex and be who you are, that you can be your birth sex and not be defined by how people have treated you and see you: rather than thinking the only option is to fabricate an identity to explain yourself to others.
I am sorry you are sick and disabled now, that isn't okay and can't be made right. But you can't look at your personal experience and because of it disregard harm done to other people.
#transition#dysphoria#dysphoric#gender dysphoria#gender identification#gender identity#gender ideology#transgender#transphobia#gender crisis#gender criticism#gender critical#misogyny#womanhood#female oppression#gender roles#self harm#medical gatekeeping#trans healthcare#trans rights activism#trans rights movement#trans rights#ask box#answered ask#ask response#ask me questions#ask me stuff
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I'm just gonna say. even tho I'm white, seeing other white activists that don't centralize race in their activism makes me deeply uncomfortable. i can't trust them.
it's just that race is such a deeply rooted issue that all other issues are tied up in....and you literally cannot approach anything, not sexism, not homophobia or transphobia, not ableism, not class, not any leftist politics, without discussing "how does this affect people of color? how are their experiences different from mine? how do my approaches affect them? is it different than how it affects white people? are there other layers of oppression here to fight that i am unfamilar with?"
and the thing is....i never see white activists addressing this stuff. i never see them boosting voices of poc, i never see them talking about the nuances of experiences of poc, and most damning of all, i never see discussions of how their approach to activism and politics may affect poc differently.
and to me, that radiates a mentality of self centeredness. activism centered around personal benefit - e.g. white women who are feminists because of how they experience sexism, not because of the sexism all women experience, or people who lean left because they personally suffer from capitalism, not because there are so many poor people suffering under it.
and that's not activism to me. that's not trustworthy. that's the behavior of people who will join the oppressors as soon as they get a taste of privelege.
and it's not that they're overtly racist or anything - in fact a lot of them may actually be involved in racial equality activism. but the refusal to realize how the voices of poc need to be centralized and paid attention to in areas outside of racial specific activism says to me that it's activism for show, or it's shallow activism and they haven't really thought through about what poc face. that they don't really care.
how can you participate in real activism if you can't acknowledge the systems in place, and the fact that the deep roots of these systems rely on racial prejudice? the fact that black and native and indiginous and aboriginal women face multiple times the threat of danger and abuse and murder than white women? that the trans stats trans activists like to wave around are almost entirely black trans women's statistics? that the control of "women's bodies" (not my wording,) also has roots in eugenics and genocide, and woc face different forms of it than white women? that class issues are heavily rooted in segregation and that poc are purposefully kept poorer on a more massive scale? that the threat disabled/mentally ill/neurodivergent people face from cops is multiple times more likely and lethal for poc?
and if your approach to "leftist" politics, be it democrat, liberalism, communism, anarchy, or general anti-capitalism, etc. if that doesn't first and foremost address how to deal with the specifically racist roots the current oppressive systems have, if your politics don't have a plan for dealing with them, if you methods don't account for the effects they will have on poc, not only are they not real acticism, they also aren't really leftist.
self centered activism isn't real activism. looking to boost yourself into a better position isn't activism. if you aren't specifically looking to better the lives of everyone oppression touches, if you don't seek to destroy the systems that uphold that oppression, you aren't doing anything good.
and the place to start with any of that is by prioritizing the voices and care of poc.
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Charlie and Julius
For the anon who asked about Charlie and Julius:
This definitely got a lot longer than I intended, but I had a lot to say about them. So most of it will be under the read more. I do want to just put a few trigger warnings though. Nothing too in-depth, but there are mentions of: suicidal thoughts, character death (but not Charlie and Julius), a car crash, transphobia, and some less than great parenting (I think that’s everything, but if you need me to tag for anything else lmk).
And if you would like to know more about them, you can check out the tags for them, I’ve mentioned them a few times here and posts that remind me of them. Or feel free to send me questions because I love to talk about these two.They are best boys.
So Charlie Austin and Julius Dauer
- The two of them have been best friends since childhood. I kind of go back and forth on what age/how they met (As I've used them in several stories), but officially the pair met when they were 4, in pre-k. And they became best friends almost instantly. A friendship that was only solidified by the fact they lived down the street from each other, which meant frequent playdates, and as they got older, the two of them constantly visiting each other’s houses (Although they did tend to spend more time at Charlie's house as Julius's parents were always... busy)
- Ever since they were young the two always had a knack for getting into trouble, with Charlie usually spearheading the way and Julius all too happily following behind him.
- I honestly think of them almost akin to Phineas and Ferb in some regard. They definitely didn't get up to quite the scale of things those two did, mostly because they were scientists first and builders second. But like they were regularly creating explosions by age 8 and almost always challenging the laws of physics
- (When they're 15 they may or may not have created a slightly unstable device that uh, destroyed a large part of a (thankfully deserted) island. But at other times couldn't create an explosion that even like, knocked over a fence. It was... unpredictable. But they worked out the kinks eventually)
- In high school, their experiments earn them the title of "Mad Scientists", with many people citing that Charlie is often the "mad" part of the duo because of his general recklessness. But it's just Julius is far quieter about his ideas really.
But uh, we'll get to high school in a moment. Let's back up slightly, back to childhood.
- They got up to a lot of antics beyond their science experiments.
- I mentioned that Julius's parents weren't around much? It's a bit more complicated than that. I don't want to get into too many details because that will make this a very long post, but basically, Julius's parents did not get along hardly at all. They had vastly different parenting styles, but honestly they also just really did not like each other. His mom mentioned once they had only got married because she had gotten pregnant with Julius.
- Julius's mom traveled a lot. For work (and other things). She was hardly ever at the house, hardly spent time with Julius, but she did spoil him constantly in lavish gifts and would take his side in arguments only to piss off his dad. She always put on this show about loving him but also didn't know shit about him.
- Julius's dad on the other hand... Well, let's just say he never made any time to spoil his son. He hardly made time to pay attention at all, it seemed to Julius, except to tell him that he could "do better" and not so subtly encourage him to hang out with someone better than Charlie. His dad had a lot of high expectations for Julius, from a young age Julius was placed in piano, ballet, as well as classes for several other instruments (violin, cello, guitar. As he gets older Julius also learns how to play other instruments to varying degrees, but the only one he sticks with is the ukulele).
- Charlie had a habit of trying to cause trouble during Julius's lessons to scare off his various teachers, because he always thought it was too much pressure to place on a kid to do so much, and succeeds with most of them besides Julius's piano teacher. This is a big part of why Mr. Dauer does not like Charlie. He thinks he's a bad influence on Julius.
- It's not to say that Mr. Dauer doesn't care about Julius, it's just... he really wants Julius to be successful and get into an Ivy League school and have a good future. And he doesn't ever really understand he's pushing too much. He thinks because Julius is very smart and all of that, he can handle the pressure.
- But he does care. When Julius comes out as trans (at 16/17), and his mom reacts extremely badly, Mr. Dauer does take Julius's side. Even though he doesn't really believe Julius is trans and straight-up says he thinks it's a side effect of having so many guy friends, you know he is willing to let Julius continue going to the same school and ride out this "phase" because he had been doing a lot better since starting high school (At an all-boys school, although he was originally meant to go to the sister school) and as long as he kept his grades up, Mr. Dauer didn't really care.
- (And he does come around eventually to accepting Julius, but that takes quite a few years and it happens slowly over a long time).
- And you know, Mr. Dauer was the one who raised Julius after his parents split up. When Juls was 11, they got a divorce and his mom left without even caring to fight for him. Sent occasional gifts afterward but Julius hardly saw her except for a week over the summer and sometimes around the holidays, if his dad pushed for his mom to take him.
- On the other hand, Charlie had a very very close relationship with his parents. And in many regards his parents kind of adopted Julius a bit as a second kid. They were the polar opposite of Julius's family. Not perfect, but pretty fucking close
- Charlie and Julius were nearly inseparable growing up, as I mentioned. They were together all of the time, never saw one without the other close behind.
- Well, never saw them apart until they were 11. That's when Julius's parents got announced to him they were getting a divorce, and with very little warning Julius's dad informed him that they were moving.
- And Charlie was on vacation at the time. They never got a chance to say goodbye.
- Well, not fully. See, Julius wasn't stupid. He had heard his parents talking about getting a divorce, the pair fighting late into the night for over a week.
- Before Charlie left on vacation, Julius did a bit of goodbye. See, Charlie and Julius's favorite movie as kids was Winnie-The-Pooh, they were very attached to the characters. They even called each other Robin (Julius) and Bear (Charlie). So before Charlie left, Julius as sappy as he was, he just asked Charlie not to forget him. ("And Bear? Promise you won't forget me? Ever?" "Oh I won't Robin, I promise." "Not even when I'm 100?" "How old shall I be then?" "99. Silly old bear.")
- The next few years were hard for the two of them. You know, they were best friends, and without each other, both of them felt lost. Julius really struggled in school to keep up with the pressure put on him by his dad, without Charlie there to balance him out, it got really hard. And he never really made any new friends, he was too busy just trying to cling the fuck on, and not let other people notice just how much he was struggling. Because he didn't want to disappoint his dad.
- Things were... harder for Charlie in the end. He had other friends, kids on his soccer team, he was always outgoing and stuff, but never any as close as Julius. He probably would have been okay though but
- When Charlie was 12, his parents were killed in a car accident on the way to his soccer game. And Charlie walked away with a few cuts and bruises and a broken arm.
- Charlie wouldn't admit it, but for years he blamed himself for the death of his parents. It... took a few months for the guilt to hit him. For a while, he tries to push away the pain, the grief, the guilt. To the outside world, he seems to cope with it all remarkably well.
- He moves in with his aunt, uncle, and cousin. He throws himself into school and into sports (Baseball, he couldn't do soccer anymore, not after...) and into student government, keeps himself busy all the time
- It's not enough. Of course, it's not enough. I mean, it's enough certainly to convince everyone else that he's doing okay. Charlie has always been really good about hiding his emotions from everyone who wasn't Julius (who was the only person Charlie ever let himself be vulnerable around). So no one seems to notice that Charlie has become suicidal. Living starts to be really hard for Charlie, and there's a point where the only thing that keeps him alive is that he doesn't want his aunt and uncle to have to find his body. He knows it's a problem, that he should tell someone, but he's too scared of how they'll react. And he doesn't really feel like he's worth being saved anyways. ("And the ghost of survivors guilt can be so kind")
- Besides, Charlie knows he just has to make it until he gets to high school. Knows that he'll be attending the private boarding school his dad and uncle both did come 9th grade. It's states away. If he could just make it there... well at least his family wouldn't have to find him.
- Of course, that plan all goes straight out the window when Charlie arrives and finds that his roommate is none other than Julius. And god knows Charlie definitely couldn't hurt Julius like that either.
- And Julius needed him. All it takes is one look for Charlie to see all the cracks in his best friend, the pressure from his dad combined with a newer fear of being outed to his parents, of being trans in general (because that was still new for Julius. He had only found the word less than a year ago. And the school was safe but... he was so scared. And he hadn't had anyone to talk to about it).
- So maybe it takes a little bit for Julius to really notice the cracks in Charlie as well. Charlie was, after all, the better of the pair of putting on a brave face. In fact, even as kids Julius had called Charlie his courage, and this hadn't changed. Julius breaks down the first time that they meet again, and Charlie becomes pretty much determined to... stay strong for Julius. ("This is not what I intended. I always swore to you I'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger.")
- Charlie really is Julius's courage though. He makes it easier for Julius to breathe again. For the first time in years, with Charlie by his side, Julius feels like he can do anything.
- And eventually, when his world no longer feels now like it's falling apart, and Julius feels like there isn't the weight of the world on his shoulders, he starts to notice that Charlie isn't as okay as he says he is. And Julius is hesitant to bring it up at first, because he didn't want to push Charlie away, wanted to give him space to open up on his own terms.
- But when it becomes clear he isn't going to, and Julius is so so worried, eventually... he confronts Charlie. And it takes hours and hours of wearing Charlie down before he breaks and finally admits everything he had been keeping in. Admits all of the guilt and self-hatred he had been holding.
- For the first time in their friendship, it becomes Julius's turn to be Charlie's courage. He's scared, he's so fucking scared hearing the things that come out of his best friend’s mouth, but he is determined not to let Charlie know that. Because Charlie needed him now to be strong.
- After getting Charlie to open up, the next hurdle for Julius becomes convincing Charlie that he needs to get help. Charlie is terrified to tell his Aunt and Uncle because he doesn’t want to upset them. He doesn’t know how they’ll react.
- But with Julius as his courage, Charlie tells them. Right before Christmas break, Charlie admits that he needs help to his Aunt and Uncle. They’re shocked and upset and blame themselves for not seeing that Charlie was struggling, but they promise to get him help.
- They discuss, over break, they discuss Charlie not going back to school. They think that he needs time off and he needs to be at home to recover. Charlie argues with them constantly to let him go back. That he could see a therapist near the school and he had Julius to watch out for him
- They don’t relent until almost two weeks after the second half of the year had started. There were conditions and a lot of concerns, but everyone could see that Julius was important for Charlie to be able to heal.
- And it’s not like things get better overnight. Both Charlie and Julius continue to struggle, to have their bad days. But unlike before, now they have each other. And together they could do just about anything.
- As I said before, they become known as the Mad Scientists. They reign terror in the science labs, cause explosions and set off the fire alarm so regularly that the whole school just kind of stops noticing it. Most students avoid the science wing outside of class, and for those who wind up in a science class with them well... it’s certainly never a boring time.
- Much like as kids the two of them are hardly ever apart, so much so that their friends frequently call them Chalius just because it was quicker. And everyone pretty much knew that if you told Charlie something, Julius was bound to know it as well and vice versa.
- A lot of people assume that the two of them are dating. Or if not dating then they assume that they are just oblivious idiots, who are both in love with each other and just won’t admit it.
- It’s because of the way they act. The fact that they’re always attached at the hip, hold each other hands nearly all the time. Always sit one pressed against the other, arms and legs touching, and oftentimes you would find the two of them just curled together. Charlie would easily plop into Julius’s lap to stay close, and Julius loves to lay with his head in Charlie’s lap so that Charlie could play with his hair. They hugged each other tightly, Julius always resting his chin on Charlie’s head protectively. They called each other by their nicknames and acted so soft and sweet sometimes their friends teased they were going to get cavities just watching them.
- And of course, Charlie and Julius love each other, but what they had wasn’t a romantic relationship. The closest they can come to finding something to call it is Queerplatonic Relationship, but for the most part, they insist that they are just Charlie and Julius. Nothing more and nothing less. They can’t explain it. But it’s theirs. And they’re so so happy with it.
- (They only ever tell their friends about them being something akin to QPPs. They don’t really mind other people making assumptions, as long as those they care about understand and accept them. The rest of the world didn’t matter).
- They have a handful of ways in which they calm each other down, provide comfort, or even just provide a distraction from each other’s thoughts. Charlie very frequently plays with Julius's hair (which he keeps about shoulder length, he likes to have it long and he loves Charlie playing with it) which helps them both relax. Julius will "play the piano" on Charlie's arm as a way to help keep Charlie grounded, depending on what Charlie needs sometimes Julius attempts to have Charlie guess which piece he is playing, other times he simply just "plays" whatever piece comes to mind and occasionally will sing along. Julius will also play the real piano for Charlie if it is available, although he plays the ukulele when he's trying to keep himself distracted. And Charlie will sing to Julius if they're alone. "Their song" is Somewhere Only We Know, but sometimes Charlie will sing other things, including Return To Pooh Corner as another favorite.
- Once they're reunited, the two of them even start spending the summers together. Charlie's family on his aunt's side runs a successful hotel chain and the two of them often spend the summer at one of those hotels in a tourist town beach.
- They're actually kind of local legends at the hotel. Julius in particular is known for his karaoke skills. Despite years of training Julius does tend to be very anxious about performing in general. Except when it comes to karaoke. He's performed a wide array of songs, some with Charlie and some on his own. My personal favorite of the ones I've thought of is That Don't Impress Me Much, which also happens to be the first karaoke performance his other friends get to see.
- Charlie can’t drive. In fact, he doesn’t even really like to be in cars ever since his parents died, it makes him anxious because he’s worried about another car crash happening. But it helps to have someone there to hold his hand, provide a distraction. He gets nervous when his friends and family are in cars too, always makes them text him when they arrive so he knows that they’re safe. But he refuses to drive. Period. He never wants to be in the position where he’s in charge of someone else’s life like that.
- Technically speaking, there is a no pet/animal policy in the dorms. But Charlie and Julius tend to ignore that. Not for their own pets, but... They rescue lab animals. From the nearby college, other high schools. They find about animals being used for experiments and they take them in. Usually only temporarily, until a permanent home can be found for them. They work with a local group of college students who have been trying to protest this type of research for years and a local rescue. Sometimes they get non-lab animals, usually snakes or rats, animals other people wouldn’t take.
- (Their friends only learn about this operation in Charlie and Julius’s Junior year, when they have to recruit them to find a missing snake).
- The entire school kind of loves Charlie and Julius, because they will cause chaos if asked. Like slip them a note and $5 and they’ll set off the fire alarm right when you’re supposed to be having a test. A little more, a please, a good story, maybe they’ll even shut the school down for the day. And they get away with it because nobody thinks they’re doing it on purpose. They set the alarms off so often on accident, that no one would even consider that they were doing it on purpose.
- Charlie starts to play soccer again, in his sophomore year. It’s really hard at first, he almost quits after the first practice because it reminds him of his parents and it hurts. But Julius convinces him to stick it out, because Charlie loved soccer and Juls knew he missed playing. It gets easier with every practice, and in the end, Charlie is happy to be back on a team again but isn’t ever quite the same as before.
- Julius is the resident worrywart of their larger friend group. Their friends tease it’s because Charlie is the exact opposite, reckless, the type of person who acts first and thinks later.
- Julius is trans, aro? he thinks? And ace
- Charlie is pan
- They have matching tattoos, Winnie-The-Pooh themed, although I’m still figuring out what exactly they look like.
- Charlie has tattoos for his parents, although again I don’t fully know what those look like yet
- Julius’s birthday is September 2nd, and his name in their friend group chat is PianoMan
- Charlie’s birthday is July 25th and his name in their friend group chat is Exploding Charlie
#Charlie and Julius#Chalius#tw suidice#tw transphobia#tw character death#(not major)#tw car crash#beauty and the mermaid#ravenpuff writes
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