Tumgik
#this show is my mental illness it’s still stuck in my brain and i am not complaining
glowingsand · 10 months
Text
Tumblr media
kazuki kazuki kazuki!!
293 notes · View notes
me-her-and-la-lune · 2 years
Text
going to re-read maximum ride (cry for help)
#ive already re-read the twilight books. i just finished the hush hush series. the only book series left in my adolescence hyperfixation#stage is maximum ride. there is something deeply wrong with me where i cant focus on other things except these books#i blame my career situation rn. everything is changing again and im overwhelmed and emotional and its time to cling onto the books that#would help me when i was younger.#also. btw. i know no one cares but i havent read the full hush hush series probably since finale came out#and like. the second book fucking makes me miserable LOL#i used to just skip to the parts that i enjoyed but i wanted to read it all the way through and i hated it so much. it was good but it#sucks** **its good in the way that i cherish it from middle school. its YA fiction. i love them but thats about it#anyway. lots of stuff going on. ill be fine but like. if no one got me i know nora and patch got me u kno#ALSO i used to be able to read books SO MUCH FASTER it took me like seven hours to get through finale. i used to be able to read that book#like. within four and a half/five hours#anyway. i stayed up until like four am last night reading silence and woke up at nine this morning and my brain wouldnt let me sleep#like it demanded i read finale. like ok brain were almost 26 we really dont have to be doing this#anyway! may or may not start reading maximum ride tomorrow. at least that series goes on for like eight or nine books or something#i have not read this series since the final book came out. lets see what it does to my mental state LOL!#okay anyway. sry. im just going through it and i dont wanna bother my friends with it bc like. theyre going through worse things than i am#oh tags we're really in it now#i just have felt weird for months and its coming to a head now and manifesting itself in me reading my middle school books. its weird#like. can i finish killing eve pls? can i finish the multiple shows and games i have on my plate? can i read NEW BOOKS?#the answer??? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! im stuck to re-read YA bc its familar and comforting and somehow the stories still make my heart squeeze#I'M CRING oh sorry for yelling im cringeposting sry
4 notes · View notes
Text
Clones As Things My Friends Have Said:
Wolffe: If I don’t have my coffee in the next few seconds this whole place is going to shit
Kix: So sorry, there’s no cure for pure stupidity. Or for being a dumbass. Sorry for the inconvenience, have a nice day!
Fives: There goes my maturity, straight out the window! …Oh no, it crashed somewhere on Uranus
Echo: Everyone keeps telling me that my twin is so well-behaved and competent and I’m just holding back the urge to show them a picture of him eating shampoo out of an open container because it was dark and he thought it was melted ice cream.
Hardcase: So uh. Good news and bad news. The good news is, we have an excuse to finally cook our food properly! The bad news… we maybe kinda blew up the microwave. Oh, and the pizza oven. Sorry about that.
Jesse: I wish I could say I was the mostly sane one out of these people but sadly I cannot. Echo has that title. Maybe because I tangled all his cables so badly that he spent two hours untangling each one of them. He still hasn’t forgiven me for that one.
Howzer: Life keeps hitting me with bricks. I would throw some bricks back but I’m definitely a sweetheart and throwing bricks doesn’t sound like something a sweetheart would do.
Tup: Help I tried to be Ariel and now there’s a fork stuck in my hair. Please help me I can’t get it out-
Rex: Remind me why I’m here, please? I don’t remember getting in trouble with all of you, but I guess I have to back you up now…
Crosshair: A conscience? What’s that? …A voice in your head? That sounds like a mental illness, not something encouraging you to be good.
Hunter: Can a butter knife be a murder weapon?
Tech: I am surrounded by pathetic, less-than-competent onion skins with the brain capacity of a small-sized potato salad. …Hey, it’s better than calling you all idiots.
267 notes · View notes
shannankle · 4 months
Text
My Top Shows 2023
Doing this at the last minute but here goes--the top 10 shows I watched in 2023!
*Note: I rate my shows on a letter scale cause I don't like narrowing it down to a specific number. (S-standout As-Strong Bs-Fine Cs-There's some problems Ds-ooof)
1. Oh No! Here Comes Trouble
Tumblr media
This one instantly became an all time favorite. It covers themes about grief and loss in a deeply empathetic and humanizing way along side the supernatural elements. I don't know if it's because I've experienced loss myself or because it's a universal experience, but I love shows like this that help you understand what it means to grieve and heal in a familiar yet new light. It reminded me a lot of Natsume Yuujinchou (another favorite) in that respect.
Aside from the larger themes, you have a distinct directing style, quirky sense of humor, well-rounded cast of characters, and excellent acting (the lead actor was also in Your Name Engraved Herein and he's just as standout here). In addition to all that, the show gives us a main trio of characters whose strengths are deliberately not their wits. This is used for humor but also to make more meaningful points about connection, empathy, and different ways of thinking (yes, I headcanon the main trio as neurodivergent).
Rating: S+
2. The Eighth Sense
Tumblr media
This show! Another piece that is deeply rooted in exploring trauma and loss. This time within the framework of a romance. I'm usually pretty hesitant with stories that bring disability into romance, especially mental illness. There's a tendency to lean into the idea that love cures all and other not so great tropes. The Eighth Sense does a great job balancing that line, giving us romantic beats without wading into them uncritically. In the end, healing and love are things we choose not something guaranteed, but there's still an immense hope in that. I'm an giant sucker for shows that tackle both queer and crip experiences with nuance and grace, and the Eighth Sense hit that mark for me (so much so it even had me writing a little meta). On top of that it has beautiful cinematography and visual choices.
Rating: S
3. Moonlight Chicken
Tumblr media
A beautiful show all around! P'Aof constantly knocks it out of the park with every show he directs, but I felt particularly strong about Moonlight Chicken. I adore the way it centers on themes of home and community. It even inspired some meta and a bit of personal reflection for me on what it means to choose home as someone who is queer and disabled. The show gives us the messiness that comes with navigating new and old relationships and somehow also the simplicity of it all. And of course, the show includes a Deaf character and handles his story with nuance and clear care.
Rating: S
4. Shadow
Tumblr media
Singto, Fluke, and Fiat in a queer horror show--sign me up! It wasn't as scary as I expected, more psychological (which is good because I am so picky about what types of horror are too much for me vs what I enjoy). I loved the way the show played with time and reality and drew upon various religious practices to create a unique atmosphere. I also adored the attention to small details that make the piece ripe for analysis. I will probably be eyeing clocks and tech in many shows to come. It's also a show that is bringing up themes about queerness, mental illness, domestic violence, and historical trauma. I'm continually drawn to pieces that are queer and crip, so I suppose it's no surprise that this one drew me in too.
I know this show was divisive, about as many people thought it stuck the landing as didn't. I happen to land in the former category. I adore media that makes me stop and think, and given the amount of meta the show had/has me writing, I'd say it well and truly tickled my brain. The show didn't always go where I most wanted or expected but I think that challenged me even more to really think about what the show might be trying to do (my thoughts on that here, spoilers though).
Rating: S
5. Our Dining Table
Tumblr media
Japan does a lot of things well, but I'm particularly fond of their slice-of-life. Our Dining Table fits right in there with food and found family at the center. It's warm and cute, but has a depth beyond it's soft exterior, delving into loss, loneliness, and what it means to be fully seen by those around us. All of this tied up in a queer bow. It was easily the show I was most excited to watch each week when it was airing.
Rating: S
6. Mysterious Lotus Casebook
Tumblr media
Another one I fell in love with this year! While it has plenty of tropes, cutting through the core of all of this is the growing friendship between the main trio, especially between Li Lian Hua and Fang Duo Bing. Their relationship and personal growth as characters was really beautiful to watch, on top of it just being a fun show with a great balance of humor and drama. Plus Fang Duo Bing's mom 😍
Rating: S
7. One Room Angel
Tumblr media
Another solid entry out of Japan. As much as I love Japan's bright slice-of-life offerings like Our Dining Table, they also excel at stories that don't shy away from heavy or complex emotional themes. And I'm noticing as I tackle this post that I really resonate with heavy themes. One Room Angel has it's lighter moments and own quirky humor. But it also tackles depression and suicide as it explores the journey of finding enough connection and meaning in life to keep moving forward.
Rating: S
8. I Feel You Linger in the Air
Tumblr media
I Feel You Linger in the Air was such a beautiful show! I'm so happy we got a historical thai bl this year and that it was so so lovely. I really liked last year's To Sir With Love but it does have it's Lakorn/soap style that is a bit more of an obstacle for me. IFYLITA certainly has it's drama, but it feels more tightly drawn. Throw in a little time travel and beautiful love scenes and it was a delight to watch.
Rating: S
9. My Beautiful Man S2, Eternal
Tumblr media
When I watched the first season of My Beautiful Man I liked it but wasn't exactly sold. I read a bit of meta from the community which changed my tune a bit. But it wasn't until watching season 2 and Eternal that something really clicked. I immediately went back and watched season 1 after finishing the film and oh boy did I fall in love. Not only do S2 and Eternal give us great character growth and forward motion to Hira and Kiyoi's relationship, and they feel like a natural expansion of the first season in the best way possible. What can I say, I love the whole series!
Rating: A+
10. Kiseki: Dear to Me
Tumblr media
Kiseki: Dear to Me feels like an outlier to me. It's hard for me to put my finger on just what made it click for me, but I was so into it when it was airing. I recognize that plot wise this show is a bit of a mess, but at the same time it hit something just right in my brain. Perhaps it was the emotional intimacy the actors portrayed? They did a fantastic job drawing me in. Apart from that I couldn't take my eyes off of Ai Di's impeccable fashion choices, and the many many cameos were quite fun.
Rating: A+ YMMV
A few close contenders:
My School President (S) *split airing 22' and 23'
Tokyo in April Is... (A+)
Laws of Attraction (A)
Bed Friend (A)
The End of the World with You (A)
Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend (A)
If it's with You (A)
Our Dating Sim (A)
Love Tractor (A)
The Warp Effect (A) *split airing 22' and 23'
The New Employee (A) *split airing 22' and 23'
La Pluie (A-)
Midnight Museum (A-)
55 notes · View notes
Text
EPISODE 6 (just realised no one is asking me to do this too bad) spoilers for series up ahead
ITS NOT A MUSICAL EPISODE 😭
Disney was too broke to show us the animals in the zoo truck WHYY
why am i so happy for the second seaweed brain, man the things being a pjo fan does to you
The way you could see luke’s smile drop when they say that they found the lightning thief (:) —> :/)
The way luke didn’t even let them finish he was like “CLARISSE YES CLARISSE SHE MUST BE THE ROBBER”
No one’s talking about “Chiron should arrest her” Not the mental image of chiron holding a gun saying “ANY WORD CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN COURT” while clarisse is pushed into a police car lollll
Old married couple im falling out of my chair plsssss if luke did something right in his life it was this
i love annabeth’s face like she knew this was coming the older brother-sister dynamic is POPPING
Disney really needed a way to show that grover liked animals and had convos with them without actually showing them lol
cue the “omg animals are so elegant” speech which served nothing at all
WHATS THE POINT OF ZEBRA TO VEGAS IF THERE AIN’T NO ZEBRA MR HOUSE OF MOUSE????
Idk but i kind of miss the trio action so far this show has only been percabeth + grover instead of percy + annabeth + grover you can tell they’re focusing more on fan service and developing percabeth than developing the more important dynamics which are the three of them having fun
oh HELLO RANDOM CAMEL WHO ISNT EVEN A ZEBRA BUT WHATEVER
“You are two seconds ahead of meeee” the simp eyes the simp eyes
The lotus casino from the outside is so COOL
LEVITATING BY DUA LIPA (some of yall still stuck in poker face era so im leaving it at that)
WISE GIRL I REPEAT WE GOT WISE GIRL (i was honestly expecting it to sound super corny on screen but walker pulled it off like he always does)
look im so mad about the fact that there’s no montage of them being silly little kids and having fun at arcade games. It hits so hard since percy has never afforded to visit fun places, annabeth has never left camp so is absolutely thriving with her architect games, grover is hunting down humans which was so funny and cool and they decided to make it more serious and plot centred
”ill take percy this way” WHY CAN’T GROVER TAKE PERCY THAT WAY HUH ANNABETH? 🤨 (girl just say you want to spend time with him)(and disney say you just wanna write more percabeth scenes)
I love the ‘if you dont know, i dont know either 😄’ mentality that percy has, he knows annabeth wants to be in charge now so he’s just feeding into the hubris
The augustus plot was so weird ngl but it was a great way to introduce the pan stuff
“Biaannncaaaaa biancaaaaaa” NICCOOOOOOO
He sounds so little and innocent and cute 🥺 im so sad now
GROVERRRRRR REMEMBERRRRRR
i gotta say, i guess that i was taken away by the people making fun of lin manuel miranda, but his acting was really really good
We got some may castellan exposition early
Percy thinking that the only thing he could do to sally was hurting her 🥹
i really hope they talk about that later on, you know we love some angst around here (especially with the dreams of the headmaster which was from the books!!! I was thinking that they’d cut it! But they didnt!! But it speaks volumes about percy that he has nightmares of headmasters)
I WANT ANNABETH FLASHBACK ANGST
annabeth pickpocketing the god of thieves will forever be her girlbossiest moment
”Im multitalented” percy: 😍💙🥰🥹 🤩(walker’s acting be that amazing is it not obvious by now that percy likes annabeth)
“Who’s grover ☺️?” “Wait, i know grover 😅!” Walker is cementing himself in the percy throne every single episode
”wow grover got really old😃”
“you lose sight of what’s important when you’re alone” “we weren’t alone 🥰” poor grover
The eons long wait to see how percy was hugging while falling the way down is finally over
The way that you can see percy’s empathy shining through his eyes as grover talked about pan>>>> (honestly tho, hug!)
the way they focused on percy’s reaction, i know this is going to be something he brings up as a reason for him to sacrifice himself for hades
Percy and annabeth looking at grover like “ ok mr. 24 DRIVE US”
Percy trying to drive a car will forever be cinema and comedy peak
The road rage this child has its so funny BEEP BEEP
annabeth: 😁 percy: 🥹 *cutely crashes car and almost kills her* PERCY IS TRULY GIVING A LOSER BOY WHO HAS NEVER HAD A GIRL LOOK AT HIM AND THATS SO PERCY OF HIM
the heartbreak in percy’s eyes alexa play the moment i knew by taylor swift
Four pearls?? *cue that one meme where that girl is calculating*
the way my smile faded when i saw annabeth hanging over the cliff TOO SOON RICK TOO SOON
25 notes · View notes
disabledbutchblues · 8 months
Text
it fucked me up a little bit that the only thing that people seem/seemed to find worthy about me is also the thing that disables me the most. my brain.
as a kid i was lucky to not be fully dehumanized, unlike some other disabled people (especially those with high support needs and/or intellectual disabilities), because my "intelligence"/intellectual ability was recognized and allowed people to still see me as somewhat worthy despite my (undiagnosed) disability and despite all the ways i was very annoying and weird to them. they didn’t exactly see me as human and they only saw me as a potential for something, but they still saw me as a person, i think. someone to stare at and mock whenever i displayed symptoms, someone whose emotions did not matter that much, someone to yell at when i did weird things or cried, but still someone.
my brain could potentially get good grades, could potentially produce good ideas, which meant i could be useful. i taught myself i was worthy only if i was intelligent. i had no emotional abilities, no relationship abilities, no physical abilities,… i just had my brain, that could potentially be something good. good grades, good student. read a lot of books and use clever words. am very lucky i was able to have that, i recognize the privilege. but suddenly, two weeks into high school, my brain started to. fail me. couldn’t do things i used to be able to do. couldn’t do "basic" things. couldn’t understand "easy" stuff. everything wrong, was all stuck. reading books was hard, understanding anything at school was impossible.
i just stopped functioning. i was diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses, then with adhd and, the worst but also the one that explained everything for me, autism. had been low support needs my whole childhood, was suddenly experiencing terrible executive dysfunction/autistic catatonia. i realized the one thing that was really wrong with me, what i had always been searching for, trying to understand why i wasn’t normal, why i couldn’t be normal, was my brain. my fucking brain isn’t like a "normal human brain." i’m disabled because of my brain (and maybe physical stuff but. not the point here).
i felt so betrayed.
i still feel so betrayed. the only moments i feel worthy as a person, the only moments i see myself as deserving of something, is when i do something clever. when i get a good grade on a test or when i analyse a book or when i learn about something. i hate myself unless i can use my brain for something deemed intelligent or useful by society.
because my body is weak and often in pain, i have no empathy, i can’t form relationships, i’m not good with coordination and crafts, i just have my brain but fuck it, of course said brain is also the source of most of my problems. i can’t do all the other things because of my brain. i hate it so much. it makes me hate myself.
i’m working on the internalized ableism. i really am. it’s also so weird because i never apply my logic to others. other humans are worthy no matter what they produce or how well they can learn/think/do things. they’re inherently deserving of rights.
but me ? i was told so many times that i was all wrong "but at least i could be clever." at least if i worked really hard i could be gifted ! i could be good ! i could maybe even be enough ! (i never was.) and i burned myself out trying to do this when of course i couldn’t because i was never gifted and my brain was never especially intelligent at all.
i just thought differently than other people, and i am lucky that for me, in some situations, it was sometimes useful. it made some things easier to learn (and others really damn hard).
it’s like i had the same intellectual abilities my whole life : as a kid they seemed high for my age, and now they seem kinda low, or at least weird. as a child i was told i was "mature" (except when i cried or showed inappropriate emotions or couldn’t tolerate normal things), now i am told i am childish and dumb and dependent and a burden and that it’s really annoying for everyone that i am so incompetent.
it’s like i didn’t grow but now life demands so much of me that i don’t even know how to do things i used to be able to do anymore. it’s like everything is wrong with me and i don’t know what i’m supposed to do with myself. i hate it. i have it so much better compared to some people and i know it but. i still hate this. i don’t know how to live
(am ok with advices or people relating or adding experiences or anything really)
29 notes · View notes
buttsnorkeler69420 · 7 months
Note
HI HOWS THE ALBUM (← insane)
you know how when l(glu) was released april said this:
Tumblr media
[image ID: a screenshot of text from a page on the song lyric website genius. it reads, "underscores said, 'Everything was too sad. I wanted to have some fun.' the text is white on a dull grey background.]
i underestimated it and i am having a TIME. um so i wrote up some thoughts i had on every song (i don't really know how to properly talk about music but i really like underscores so i am going to say things anyway haha)
(SPOILERS FOR WALLSOCKET BY UNDERSCORES BEYOND THIS POINT. content warnings for songs discussing grooming, war, suicidal ideation and transphobia.)
track 1: Cops & Robbers
i remember mentally exploding when i saw the thumbnail for this pop up on youtube. every time i hear the beginning guitar section my brain chemistry just is like... YEAHHHHHH ITS WALLSOCKET TIME!!!!!! this song just feels so so fun—the "haha gotcha" tone of it, and the speed and energy, and the part where it's like "and its full of all of your money / yEAHHH!!!"—i looped this thing so much until the other singles came out (and then i looped those. a lot.)
i love love love the bridge of this song and it gets stuck in my head all the time
track 2: Locals (Girls Like Us)
it's another underscores and gabby start banger!!!!!!! i love the songs both of these artists make and this one is no exception. immediately when the intro started i was like YEAHHH!!!! and then when the spoken "good luck" suddenly turned into that loud sample "Good Luck!" i was honestly startled enough to jump the first time i listened to it.
this is one of the songs where i don't really get the full symbolism behind everything yet (the whole horse section in the gabby part... basically gabby's entire part actually because i am not sure what the things they mention symbolize)
i really like how the repeating words mantra extends basically throughout the whole song in different ways, and the chorus is so so catchy
track 3: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i really enjoy the wordplay underscores uses in her lyrics a lot... like how she describes a fishing lure to play into the "taking the bait" theme in the chorus (at first i was like "huh??? what colorful piece of plastic?" and then i was like OHHHHH!!!!) and how she indirectly alludes to things ("the name of my illness/is just one letter short of my own" - S*nny is five letters and i think this song is about S*nny's queer identity so the four letter word being referenced here might be LGBT??? not sure / and the "my favorite animal is engraved on the sides of my ribs" which i currently don't know the meaning of, but the person on Genius who suggested it was a reference to the creation of Eve makes a really cool point)
the transition in this song to the Patented Louder Ending Section is just soooooo soooo pretty... it gets me every time...
Tumblr media
shoutout to this "OH" in particular.
track 4: You Don't Even Know Who I Am
originally when this song came out (both unofficially in "The Story of S*nny", then its official release), it honestly was not my favorite, but now it gets stuck in my head a lot and i don't mind at all! the singing and effects pair really well together. I also really like the intermittent beeping sounds that occasionally show up.
edit: i was lucky enough 2 be able to go to a live show and OH MY GOD was this song SOOOO cool in it. the freaking lightbulb effect is so cool when i realized what was going on with it i screamed
originally when i first started listening to this song i really liked the last loud bit but now i'm not really sure why but it's kind of off to me now? i dont know maybe something about the notes is a little weird to my ears but i still enjoy
track 5: Johnny johnny johnny
oh my god. OHHHHHHHH MY GODDDDD. this song has been stuck in my head since my first listen and will probably stay that way for the next month or so. this song is so amazing. IMMEDIATELY i was extremely intrigued by the way it opened (i had never heard of the Johnny, Johnny hand game thing before, and upon looking it up i was like OH MAN you KNOW the song is going to be mind blowing when it has LAYERS like this).
i think my first impression with this song was that it kind of reminds me a lot of underscores's MARINA covers?? like in a really good way, since i think underscores has mentioned marina as an inspiration and it's so cool seeing how many kinds of music she can make
i also love how like... expressive underscores's voice is, even in ad-libs and effects like the repeated "whoops!" in this song... it adds so much to the atmosphere and the um. growing dread as you realize what this song is about and are more and more aware of the juxtaposition between its topic and its tone. (the "johnny's gonna be the one who finally makes me real" line gets me every time in particular.... aaaaaaa)
this song's climax near the end is also just so so cool... i love how it takes a ton of elements that showed up earlier in the song and suddenly puts them all together (the "johnny johnny johnny johnny whoops" chant suddenly appearing alongside the chorus and transforming as the two are played at the same time)
track 6: Shoot to kill, kill your darlings
HIP, HIP... HOORAY!!! ough. this song. man. MAN. i am so crazy about how well this song tells a detailed story while still being catchy and fun to listen to (same with pretty much the rest of the album too haha) because that is such an impressive feat. the repeating gun sound impacts between verses are so crunchy i love them.
the line where it's like "he doesn't like what she chooses to do with her body / but he's given over his body as well / you'd think he'd get it more than anyone else"... OUGH...
this song is originally written in a very like... mostly conversational tone, but it's just so so fitting when at the end, OMB just accepts that her friend is going to go to war anyway, and to reflect this mood change, underscores just. drops all the fancy lingo and straight up repeats "I just don't want you to die" as the instrumental deteriorates. OUGH$$$))
track 7: Horror movie soundtrack
for some reason i was not expecting the banjo? guitar? notes that played in the album trailer to actually be a part of one of the songs in the actual album itself, and when that familiar tune started up, i immediately got chills and was like "OH SO WE'RE DOING THIS NOW".
god. the "you won't get away with this" being introduced as a calmer line that is mostly said like a quiet vengeful promise to becoming a big part of the crescendo is so so cool.
track 8: Old money bitch
i think this song was definitely my favorite of the singles when it came out because i could NOT stop listening to it and thinking about it when i wasn't listening to it. it is so so catchy. i didn't know where this sound would be in the album because i didn't have the tracklist memorized and it was such a gutpunch to hear it RIGHT after Horror Movie Soundtrack; we listeners just got to peek at OMB's current state of mind--her fears of losing her friend and her bitterness towards everyone except her friends and maybe "the girls"?--and then we IMMEDIATELY see that mara is bashing her on TOP of that. bonus points if mara happens to be included in "the girls"--I think this song does imply that OMB and mara were originally on good terms before their "first big fight" at a birthday party.
track 9: Geez Louise
i was NOT expecting to hear a rock/metal song from this album and i was smiling so hard when this came on. honestly surprised that i WASN'T expecting this because she makes so many different things but omg.
during my first time listening to the album, i'd remembered there was a song with a 7 minute timestamp in the trailer, but i forgot what song it was and by the time the album was over i was still waiting for the seven minute song. this song really does not feel longer than an average song to me somehow and it still feels only like three minutes every time i come back to listen to it.
i just... MAN. this song first being loud and angry and resentful, then bitter and dismissive with the "we don't have to talk about it", then suddenly transitioning into a feeling of like... an epiphany about identity in henhouse!'s part, is so so cool. the repeating "we don't have to talk about it" suddenly becomes like... an admittance of a sudden unspoken kinship. it's so... augh...
i had never heard about henhouse! before this song and after i was done with the album i immediately went searching and was shocked to only find one song... i am so excited to see more from henhouse! in the future though
track 10: Seventyseven dog years
hold on... is that the scream sample brakence uses in hypochondriac????? (maybe it just sounds similar haha)
the "do do ee oo ee oo oh oh"s in the background fading in and out are so pleasant and the crunchy texture of the drums in this one are so nice and i really like how the song transitions very nicely in and out of busy-ish loud and quiet sections
it's a little hard to hear the vocals during the louder parts but still a very cool experience!
i don't really know what the significance of dogs in this album is yet but i am curious because they've popped up a couple times (this song, the whole "ilovemydog77" password, arg and song thing)... i wonder if it has something to do with "dog" being an anagram for "god"
track 11: Uncanny long arms
ohhhhhh my god oh my god. i already knew this song was gonna be crazy because JANE REMOVER but man. i got interrupted in my first listen during the first verse of this song but i was so bewitched by the vocals that i had the chorus stuck in my head until i kept listening. another AWESOME example of how much vocals have been growing and evolving since the past albums... all the singing in here is so good and this song is just captivating.
the echoey louder part of the chorus ("and i saw that my hands were in a different place than before"/"and i woke up and felt my hands all on the carpet") transitioning into that ADDICTIVE "i can touch my toes/without bending over") is just so so pretty.
AND THEN THAT PART WHERE IN JANE'S SECTION IT DROPS OFF FROM THOSE VOCALS INTO A CRAZY EFFECTS ZONE. when the vocals suddenly break off and stutter and you suddenly honestly feel a little scared at where the song is going and then it fades gently into strings and more echoey vocals. GAH..... this album and its ability to play with my feelings...
(currently talking about this song while taking into account the current theories on genius that it is about mara realizing she has stalked S*nny so much that now she is talking to her, she has realized that she has overstretched and done something wrong (the metaphor being "waking up with long arms"), then deciding to withdraw ("getting an arm reduction").
the inlaws callback actually blew my mind when it showed up. i guess it kinda is a bit of irony in terms of the Lore... originally the lyrics of kinko's DO fit mara because she doesn't necessarily have real struggles (but yearns for S*nny's tough upbringing and struggles), but NOW she is just realizing what she has done by inserting herself into S*nny's issues and realizing she could affect them and have a huge impact for better or worse... ough...
track 12: Good luck final girl
this song feels both really cozy and mournful,,, especially the tune of the chorus and its tone... i can't decide whether "i hope you get what you deserve/that's not how this thing works" is more bitter or hopeful, but i think that's kinda the point because the description of this song says it's about the main characters realizing how they should grow up
considering there are 3 verses for our 3 main characters... i thiiink that the middle verse is most likely S*nny's (it talks about a girl down the block offering to help her, but she rejects the offer and says she doesn't need "people like that" anymore; likely referring to mara, "the girl next door" whose interactions with her were um. yeah.)
i am not sure which in the top and bottom match with old money bitch and mara... i think the last verse is OMB mostly because of the "ive postponed my suicide indefinitely" line, and also because of the sudden tone shift of the song (no more guitar, ambient noises in the background giving the feeling of being around people but feeling alone, the repeating of a final line over and over at the very end until it fades away like in Shoot to kill, kill your darlings)
um yeah. good album. good luck. wall sock er 👍
17 notes · View notes
ciaossu-imagines · 2 months
Note
Of course, as I mentioned in our dms, you and Kusakabe are very adorable and I do ship it very much, but I also can’t help but ship you with Shamal as well. I think you guys would make a very good pair, and you’re someone Shamal could let his guard and persona down for for once.
And although my brain is still stuck on khr brain rot at the moment, I can’t help but also think of Class of the Titans and I do think you and Odie work well together too.
If I remember correctly these are characters you mentioned as fictional others before (not too sure about Odie as I have bad memory sorry!) so if you’re feeling up for it I would love to know any headcanons you have for your relationship with them! But if not that’s okay! Just know in my mind these are who I ship you with ❤️
- R
Okay, but these are too cute and sweet and everything about your message, my dear R, really touches my heart! Thank you so much for sending in something to cheer me up! I really do love all of the characters you sent in and I’m really flattered that you see me working with all of these lovely guys, especially since you are right in that I do love them all and do have them all as sometimes self-ships! Not sure if they would actually like me, but I ship with all of them, and it made my heart smile to have someone else think they would 😊 Thank you for also giving me the chance to talk about some self-shipping headcanons for them all!
Kusakabe/Dee headcanons
Kusakabe is always, always my comfort ship. While I think Shamal makes me open up more, Kusakabe just makes me comfortable. He never pushes me to open up, he never makes me tell him more. He’s okay knowing that I’m scared and he treats me, at first, like the little skittish animal I am around new people. Once he’s decided he likes me, Tetsuya is so incredibly loyal that even when I feel like I’m showing him nothing but my worst, he’s still there for me and reassures me that I’m not too much. He tells me he’s proud of me and makes me want to be a better person.
Thing that gets said a lot between us, especially on video calls since we’d both unfortunately become so busy at times that we’d have periods of long distance – “Wanna see the stupid shit I bought?” The answer is always yes and sometimes both of us are showing stupid shit we bought for the other one. He’s completely into my little collections and buys me stuff to add to them and I buy him shot glasses since he has a collection of those and we’re both always trying to one up each other in the weirdest or funniest of gifts. Like, he once gets me a stuffed gonorrhea plushie while I’ll get him a shot glass shaped like a penis sort of thing.
I think that, while he doesn’t always understand it, Kusakabe would be incredibly supportive of this blog and my writing. He’s always willing to listen to all my story ideas and he’s good about giving his honest opinion on them, as well as encouraging me when I get writer’s block or aren’t sure about a scene.
Shamal/Dee headcanons
Okay, but you saying I could make Shamal drop that mask and that guard amuses me a lot, because I really feel like it would be the reverse. I have a lot of walls, in real life, that I put up with people because life has taught me not to trust so easy. Shamal’s so fucked up as a person that I feel a kinship with that…we’re two broken people just doing our best, surviving everything and continuing on and because of that, I don’t have that fear that I have, even with some of my other self-ships, that he’d judge me when I couldn’t pretend or keep up the mask and slipped up, letting my mental illness or my quirks or just how weird my life has been show. I feel like he’s probably seen just as bad and he’d take my stories, soothe me about them, and share his own. He’d go slow, make me comfortable until he could strip me naked emotionally and mentally just as much as he’d want to strip me naked physically.
Me and Shamal work because we’re both okay with poly relationships. As long as there’s open communication and respect and we’re each other’s top priorities and first partners, we’re open to sleep with other people and even date other people. We’re just not allowed to make that other person more important than our bond with each other and we’re not allowed to discuss each other’s secrets.
Because Shamal is a doctor, and I’m currently studying up to take an extra course through work when it becomes available this summer, a sort of internship that would allow me to boost my skills and the duties I can perform, I’ve been picturing Shamal a lot lately, actually. With my studying, I love picturing talking to him about all these things, him helping me and encouraging me. We work on mnemonics together, make up ways for me to remember all the different controlled substances and what control schedule they fall under, to remember all the carcinogenics, stuff like that. He quizzes me and I get kisses whenever I succeed.
Odie/Dee headcanons
Okay, but the one thing I can say about me is that I truly do find intelligence to be one of the sexiest things in a person, right alongside a good sense of humour. Odie has both and that’s part of what really draws me to him. I’m not someone who shies away from talking about the big, heavy stuff and I really do sometimes just picture us chilling on the couch, cuddling, and debating with each other. He makes valid points, as do I, and we both come away feeling like we’ve learned something, not only about the topic but also about each other.
I’m not great at games myself. I play visual novels a lot and a lot of nostalgic gaming like Super Mario. I love imagining this game loving dork as the Luigi to my Mario, playing coop together on Super Marios Bros. 1 & 3, seeing how fast we can speedrun it. I also get to, after long days at work, come home and relax on the couch, curled up in his lap with his arms around me, holding the controller a bit further away from him than he would normally be comfy with but it’s something he puts up with for me, and getting to watch him play all these games that I am so interested in, but just am not good enough at games to play myself.
I like picturing us taking long rides on his scooter, just tooling around the town, and stopping in at any places that look fun. I think that Odie would be just as into comic shops, board game cafes, and places like that as I am. I also think he’d be fond enough of me and open-minded enough to be willing to check out places that he normally wouldn’t with me because I love them, like all my mysticism shops where I buy altar supplies, candles, and crystals.
2 notes · View notes
theparadoxmachine · 9 months
Text
I need to explain why this man means so much to me.
I grew up in the 90s, actually a little too young to have watched him the first go around. But growing up, I feel like every show I watched had a storyline where the main character has to learn the lesson Be Yourself. And that's a fine message. But those characters were specifically designed to appeal to a mass audience of kids. They were everyman style characters. And frankly, it's easier to Just Be Yourself when you're an everyman and the weirdest thing about you is that you still play with Barbies in middle school (everyone did this I think) I liked those characters fine too. There's nothing wrong with Lizzie MacGuire or Ginger Foutley. But they weren't me. The characters that most resembled me were usually in episodes where the lesson was Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover. See it's a lot harder to swallow the lesson of "Just be yourself! Give people a chance to know the real you!" When you're weird. And I was WEIRD.
I now realize that I am in fact a traumatized, mentally ill neurodivergent queer woman, but back then I was a Weird Girl. So yeah good for you Lizzie, you're not getting bullied for ribbon dancing but what were my peers supposed to do with someone like me? I was reading Poe at the age of 8. I was quiet and liked fire and wanted to be a war goddess while being afraid of everything. The family joke was that I was actually from another planet. I was processing trauma I didn't know I had while listening to John Williams and Fleetwood Mac while everyone else was listening to Hansen and the Spice Girls. I loved reading about curses and cryptids and medieval torture devices. No amount of just be yourself messages from cartoon preteens was going to cut it.
But then there was Pee-wee. Pee-wee was WEIRD. His entire thesis statement was weirdness. He was the Patron Saint of Weirdos. He looked me dead in my eyes and, as Paul said on Portlandia, told me BEING WEIRD IS NOT A CRIME. When someone with a pet pterodactyl and a talking armchair tells you it's ok to be yourself, you fucking believe them. He walked the weird walk and took as many weirdos along with him as were willing to join him. And there were many it turns out.
Would Pee-wee think my love of horror and death was weird? Probably. Would he think it was weird that I make friends with moths and wasps and spiders and snakes? Yeah. But you better believe he'd take one look at my gothy apartment and put me right at the top of his list of people to call when it was time to decorate for Halloween. I'd have been on the guest list for his Halloween parties every year. Because being weird wasn't something that needed to be forgiven or tolerated. Being weird is a GOOD thing.
I have had such a strange emotional journey lately but where I've landed now is this. I'm not sure I can live for myself right now. But I'm going to do my best to stick around. For him. For Pee-wee and for Paul. Because I know he'd want me to. He'd want me to live and be weird and rejoice in my weirdness.
And he was always there. During bouts of depression and hardship, through all my health problems. His natural soft speaking voice always resonated at the perfect frequency to calm me down during my anxiety attacks. When I was stuck at home with spinal fluid draining into my brain, I played Pee-wee's Big Adventure, because it made me happy and because the dvd always restarted without prompting so I never had to get up if I lost the remote amongst my messed up sheets.
I met him in 2017. I pushed back all my social anxiety and went alone to my first convention because he was going to be there. Doing the terrible math, this would have been around the time he probably got diagnosed. I will be forever glad I went. I was speechless but I shook his hand and held it and tried to thank him, to convey without words how and why he's one of my favorite people in the whole world. The line for the meet and greet was over 2 hours long. He had to leave in the middle to get something to eat. He went to every single person in line and apologized and promised he would be back. I regret I'll never get to bring him muffins. But he was by all accounts one of the sweetest men in the world and I'm going to spend a lot of time missing him. And rejoicing in my weirdness. Because being weird is not a crime. Because he'd want me to. Because weirdos have to stick together.
And given the people I met at that convention, I think it's safe for me to paraphrase the words of Blanche Devereaux here and say, if love can help you wherever you are, you've got it. More than you could ever know.
I love you and I miss you.
8 notes · View notes
sixstepsaway · 2 years
Note
follow up to the two-part persona ask, I do also wonder if Izzy missed or misplaced the significance of “haven’t tried dying yet” because he mentally classifies every harebrained break from the maintenance of Blackbeard as ‘Edward’s Gonna Get Us All Killed If I Don’t Pay Clean This Up’, constantly being *in* a state of nearly dying- therefore when Ed actually *does* fuck up the date, izzy cant ‘fix’ it, having been reassured ed wasn’t too bad off by the oh plan to Kill Blackbeard and be Bonnet.
This got lost in my box somehow because I am positive I was awake 11hours ago but somehow I did not see this? Okay, whatever, at least it made it to me eventually lmao
I'm going to show you some caps from that scene because I promise you Izzy felt the full depth of "haven't tried dying yet" and just went into instant denial over it because of how painful the concept was to him.
(Tumblr: You can only have 10 images sorry. Me: I will dual you outside of a chick-fil-a, square up.)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I'd like to note here that Ed, much like the rest of us Mentally Ill Bitches, knows there's something wrong with him. "I shouldn't be bored. I'm fucking Blackbeard." He knows something is fucked up in that skull of his, but unfortunately it's 1717 and he's a man so he can't be diagnosed with hysteria and nothing else has really been deduced yet, so he's stuck just knowing his head's a mess and he can't fix it. Which, uh, is a really fucking depressing thought actually!
Tumblr media
Izzy is also the one that gives Ed the idea of suicide, and that's... a whole new thing for Izzy to have to chew on, you know?
Tumblr media Tumblr media
First time I went back through this scene, I focused on the fact Ed hones in on suicide as a notion to end his boredom, then meets Stede and, before Stede introduces him to the idea of retirement, he tells him he's 'been thinking of packing it all in', implying he's been genuinely considering yeeting himself into the abyss. Which was painful in itself.
But rewatching this scene with the singular purpose of honing in on Izzy and Con O'Neill's excellent micro expression acting even in the shots where he's turned away or blurry?
Agonizing, thank you.
Tumblr media
This one especially. The furrow in his brow. The soft intensity in his eye. He's just heard his #1 person in the world say he's thinking dying could be the next big adventure because he can't stand living anymore and he inadvertently put the idea in his head. Babygirl is suffering.
Tumblr media
God, this shot.
Tumblr media
And then, coming back to my Cinematography Commentary™, this is another long shot from far away that makes you feel how isolated and alone Izzy feels. Delightful!
Tumblr media
And then he writes it off and goes into denial because what else is he meant to do there? And goes to put the little ship away respectfully because Edward likes it lmao.
So: Missed or misplaced? No. Went into instant denial because it was too much for his already traumatized brain to bear? Absolutely. We talk a lot about how Izzy already has his own trauma and mental illness, whether it's from headcanons like @treesofgreen's re: sa, or just from a long life of piracy which has been established to be fucking terrible (beatings etc from Hornigold) and Izzy's clear class dynamics, but we don't really talk about his trauma and mental illness in relation to managing Ed's, and honestly? It's not a surprise that there's a step too far for Izzy's brain to handle and it's, "Edward wants to kill himself."
therefore when Ed actually *does* fuck up the date, izzy cant ‘fix’ it, having been reassured ed wasn’t too bad off by the oh plan to Kill Blackbeard and be Bonnet.
The plan to kill Stede comes after the lighthouse, so this is a slightly incorrect timeline. Izzy spends this entire episode in a state of "we're all fucking going to die" up until Ed does his flouncy little, "Frankfurters!" declaration in the fog, at which point he's so relieved and happy that Ed is still the genius he knows he is and that Ed had a plan to save them all along, and then Ed says, "Furthermore, it's a full moon--" and Izzy's life turns upside down again because Ed fucked that up and they're all going to die after all.
58 notes · View notes
artichow · 1 year
Note
You know what I’m about to ask you
RyuGin!!!!
OOOOOUH BABY!!!!
hehehehee them :D
Ship It
I am mentally ill about them /pos
What made you ship it?
I... don't know,, can't think of a moment really, although that scene at the end of fury and gingka's little speech may have been a big sign :) what was that gingka :D Also I think like narratively the scene at the end of fusion where gingka catches ryuga while falling has done something to my brain forever, it is so precious and important to me like.... OUURGH my feelings about ryugin is very!!! arti. grhej can't find a better way to describe it, they are a specific idea of ship i have in my brain that i like as someone who is incredibly confused and lowkey scared of romantic relationships and dating in general, that's why to me they are both aroace (jus like me fr,,) and what they have?? complicated but also so simple somehow!! But honestly I think I liked this idea of ryugin pretty early into my rewatch but i was kind of scared voicing it at first because there can be really shitty interpretations of those characters and their dynamic. I also am a fellow ryuga enjoyer who lives in the magical land of delusion and canon rewrite so :')) that helps a lot. But they mean so much omg i love them so fucking much!! I hope I can write coherently about them because!!!!
What are your favorite things about the ship?
Omg so many things... I love how I think about them with the right song and it hits me right in the feels! I love how similar they are and also vastly different their upbringing (mainly hcs on ryuga's side but yk how it is) and destiny was. Like I'm still absolutely going feral over that post from last year I made about both of our first look of them in the show?? Tbf it's the second scene where we see Gingka but still,, where he's on top of a building seeing the whole sky above him, while when we first see ryuga outside of vague flashbacks or the opening, he's in a sort of coma in a weird coffin surrounded by machine? And the shots of their beys parallel each other?? Like gingka is holding pegasus, probably feeling comfort holding onto his companion and momento of his dad, of his village. Meanwhile Ryuga's hand is lose cause he's asleep but it seems L drago is wide awake and already feeding off of him, one was a bey given to Gingka with a heavy burden of a goal but representing hope and the other was stolen, in order to only bring destruction. I think their relationships to their bey evolving throughout the show is super interesting to compare (but that's also because I hc a lot of things about ryuga that aren't canon because sometimes i want to chew on canon and chug it in the "don't care" bin).
Okay I think I only gave one reason FUCK umm I like the similarities and differences in their designs a lot (scarf/coat, headband/crown, gloves/no gloves, rounder features/sharper). That's mostly to do with Mr Adachi's really cool designs but still I wanted to mention it.
I like the hope in it you know? Ryuga's such a broken person but he's also like,, in my au 14/15yo during fusion and still a kid during the series? And how he almost died at least once (i'm also counting fury because no he didnot i don't care) so young and all this time without any form of genuine care or love. Like I like thinking about him mainly because there's not much that can excuse his actions but it's so interesting too? Like i like explaining the path he takes after fusion. How he's stuck in a downward spiral, hungry for power still because to him power is the only way to feel safe and in control, never being used again. But that ultimately keeps him away from genuine connection still and it also drives him to an almost death and just makes him extra stupid during fury :D idk to me fury ryuga felt so much like character regression, they really saw his masters character and went "yeah but what if..." NYWAY I digrace. I like how they're both just kids and the moment Gingka remembers/realizes it during their final fight in fusion is the thing that saves the world, that for gingka to still be Gingka and to save beyblade, how can he not save this other kid in pain. It is in tune with his character but it's also such a huge accomplishment on his part? He went through so much, his friends, his village, his father got taken away because of Ryuga. It's not all because of Ryuga and Gingka probably knows that but still?? He absolutely hated his guts and for good reason too. But I find it just so!!!! I love the idea that despite it all, there can be love after all of that. However you define it, just compassion and understanding <3 It is so cheesy but maaaaannn what are we without the power of love. I just love ryugin so much, i always try very hard to not make it sound like i'm glossing over all the problems ryuga caused and the emotional and mental toll gingka suffered becaus it's here, but also I love to believe that Gingka is just such a beam of light and he truly empathize with people in general, and something in him will always reach out to Ryuga. And that moment when he stopped him from falling to his death is just so!! To me in my hcs and aus and everything it is just the thing that starts ryuga's growth and character developement, like yeah he's still a stupid guy with a lot of issues but he's going to try. At least in my book (i feel like i'm rambling about things that are so far from canon but whatever i'm vibing my brain is vibrating rn). I just keep thinking about that quote from the good place "the point is people improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don't" and i want to tear up a little.
okay i have a couple more i think that i can think of,, vhfdj this is getting so so long,, oopsie. Um anyway, I like to imagine Ryuga actually helps Gingka too (it's not all one sided i promise but look at this mess of a boy) especially in expressing his feelings and communicating, i feel like gingka would and just by nature still struggles with this but because they understand each other's intentions very well most of the time (and that's canon baby) ryuga helps pointing it out if that makes sense. I also love how they're both intelligent while very dumb at the same time like they maybe aren't beyblade geniuses like Yu but they understand that game so well and so quickly i love that a lot. And I like how they both acknowledge it and respect the other for it.
I like how I imagine them both being vagabonds in their young adult years (*cough* snufkin much *cough*) and valuing their time alone but also sharing adventures together and feeling very comfortable with the other and just vibing :)
It's so funny when i think about it like trying to simplify their dynamic in my head cause it's just: gingka to ryuga is the light, the guy that saved him, the thing that changed everything and he can never fully understands it frustrates him but he can't keep away very long evn though he thought he'd always belong in the dark. And Ryuga to Gingka is friend (extra plus edition) :) both so valid honestly gdfhjsdhj
I love that there is SO MUCH angst potential but also this ship just brings me a sense of peace and joy, like it's somehow cozy??? with these two in it?? but yeah :)
they both absolutely annoy and pester the crap out of each other <3 look at them they're so stupid >:) what is my life if every character in the world is not annoying and dunking on ryuga honestly
Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?
this has been such a long post holy shit and i feel like i still have stuff to say :') uuuh unpopular? I guess I hate most of the fanart i see of them unsurprisingly... But that's also just the pinterest side of the fandom like... between the straight up absolute weirdo stuff you never want to see ever again, the perpetual whitewashing of ryuga, the abusive/uncomfortable stuff you find it's just :') but again that's true of a lot of characters and ships in the fandom. Idk if me seeing them as aroace and in a more qpr relationship is unpopular, honestly I feel like we're just us two vibing in the ryugin sphere Hani ghfdjsk
btw now that i'm done writing this whole page i'm thinking "but honestly still i'm not really that big on shipping, i feel pretty normal about them even after putting this much effort into this silly ask :') Anywayy whatever the relationship nature is i just like these two characters a whole lot so yeah it's just such a wonderful dynamic and ship to think about <3
8 notes · View notes
catsandnotes · 1 year
Text
I know my mother hates me and deeps down wants to hurt me in the guise of giving the best to me (will edition)
I am extremely grateful that I have lived a privileged life: I had extracurriculars, tutoring, university tuition paid for and having a roof and food throughout until today without paying rent or being pressured to move out. This came with a big sacrifice: no sense of social intelligence, having very little friends, and not having the freedom to do what I want; not even allowed to go outside my house to throw the garbage unless under strict supervision in fear that something will happen to me.
In fact, a major regret I have was that I didn't move out for university like so many people had done, and they thrived and lived life, whereas I am still scared of not coming home under the implied "correct" time and walking on eggshells. I sometimes wish I could exchange some of my priveleges for freedom... I feel like a bird stuck in a cage for over 2 decades with little hope of getting out until many decades later.
My mother made me write a will... Not because I'm ill or that there is immenent danger against me and my assets, but rather to create a copy for my protection and so that I only need to update it whenever I need in the future. Sounds like a great plan, right? Instead, because of my lack of social relations and protective environment, I know absolutely no one. No one to be there for me after my death (my family is not trustworthy), nor do I want to scare the friends I trust with the fact that I have a will, on top of the fact that they themselves have major family issues to be responsible for if anything happens to them.
I misunderstood a note that she had written on my draft, and has instead decided to discredit me and imply that I am a liar by simple misunderstanding. That I made a bad decision because of how I misunderstood the note when in realty, that decision was something I crossed out long ago. I never wanted to make a will this early, but she pressured me into making one and is now angry that I haven't completed it after putting it on hold for at least a year. I don't even have many assets, just the regular assets a regular, middle-class university student would have. I don't have property, expensive assets, family secrets, or special wishes to make. What's the point of pressuring me to make a will other than to deeply wish me to my death?
I struggle to speak and think under her wrath. I can never be a normal person who reacts normally. Instead I freeze, I stutter, mutter, my brain is a mess. I am accused of things I am not for my entire life. I had been compared to the failure that my father is (her thoughts, but I can understand them). I am a failure, and have been made to think of myself as that. I have no aspirations because they would all be killed off by this woman. She has destroyed my hope for pursuing dreams, talking about my life, expressing myself, even simple things like my favourite shows. I'm deeply afraid that I will lose something if I don't listen to her every step. I know she won't let me survive out in the streets, but social outcasting and mental control is something she excels at and ensures it is enforced if I don't listen.
I wish I don't have a will to make. I don't and shouldn't be thinking about this now. I should be thinking about school, finding a career, hanging out with friends (even though I have none). I wish I could relive my childhood again with the knowledge I have now. At least if this bitch decides to be rude and disrespectful to me, I can at least have an escape to my interests, my work and school, and more friends to rely on.
2 notes · View notes
gillianthecat · 1 year
Text
NaClYoHo Day 5
I did not end up doing the dishes yesterday after all; I decided not to even try because I kept getting coughing fits whenever I stood up. But I did them this morning, despite really not wanting to. I wasn't too tired, I'd just kind of lost the momentum of doing things and the novelty of being sick was wearing off. But getting the dishes done felt good, and I looked out the window at the misty rain on my neighbor's roofs and the distant orange and green trees and at the water droplets on the spiderweb in my window frame, and it was all very pretty.
I still had some energy after the dishes so I wanted to go for a walk but then I decided to fold my clothes from the drying rack first. And I did it! I didn't put them away, mostly because my dresser situation is chaos right now and that felt overwhelming, but I did put them in tote bags to carry upstairs when I have the energy.
And then I did go for a walk in the not quite rain. When I went to Ireland when I was five they called this kind of weather "soft out" (or so the family story goes, I haven't checked if this is true) so that's what my family always calls it. It also felt really nice; sometimes I forget I how good it feels being outside when I'm holed up in bed for a long time. I walked to the end up the patio, checked my energy levels and then decided I could go further and so made it about halfway down the block (which is the equivalent of a whole normal block, my block is very long), and decided it was time to go back. According to my magic watch, about 450 steps altogether, lol. But that's more than I had the energy for yesterday.
I've been complaining on here about being sick a lot but that's because I'm enjoying feeling like I can complain about it. Usually when I'm stuck in bed for a long time it's because my ADHD brain is refusing to do anything else and there's so much shame and embarrassment around it. So being forced to do nothing because of physical illness feels wonderful in a way. It's not my fault I'm not doing anything! My body is to blame! I have no choice but to lie here and watch my shows! I physically can't do the dishes right now!
So I am a little anxious now that I'm on the mend about getting back into cleaning. And I have a hard time evaluating my capabilities to do things even at the best of times. But I do think I can honestly say, based on my physical energy levels and not just my ADHD desire to shirk work, that I still can't do that much. Therefore the plan for today, beside the now typical doing dishes and keeping trash contained, will be to do more loads of hang-dry only laundry (enough to fill the drying racks) because a) I have a lot to get through, and b) it's convenient to have it hanging up now when I can't do other cleaning so it's not in the way. Even though drying is slow on a wet rainy day like today. And then, only if I still have energy, maybe a load of dryer-able clothes because that is low mental effort.
🔲 dishes
✔ replace trash can bag in room
✔️ keep trash contained
✔️ gather two loads worth of hang-dry laundry
✔️ wash first load
✔️ wash second load
✔️ hang first load
✔️ hang second load
bonus round:
✔️ wash regular load
✔️ dry regular load
✔ fetch and fold clothes
But I'm going to rest a little more before starting any of that - watch this weeks ep of Big Dragon and drink some hot chocolate.
afternoon addition: well, gathering the laundry and carrying it downstairs was exhausting. So I'm not going to do the bonus round, but i will attempt to wash and hang everything already down there. Should be doable even if tiring.
evening addition: i had momentum and the laundry basket was right there ready to go so I ended up doing it. even though i got exhausted folding it I'm glad I did; it's so satisfying to a) have it done and b) replace the boxes with check marks.
5 notes · View notes
ayoitslilith · 1 year
Text
What was my 2022 like?
This year, it felt like I couldn't stop thinking about my own problems. It feels incredibly self-absorbed to feel like that but I prefer it over ignoring my own mental and physical health while i wither away in every aspect of myself like I used to. How do I fit into the world? Will I make it? Do people like me? Things I used to never worry about, feel the slightest concern for - yet here I am now, having made the tiniest little bit of progress in my life - and immediately centering so much more around myself.
In a way, I feel like I am stuck between different realities, different perceptions of myself - both perceptions inflicted upon me by myself and myself alone and the shared views of others who define who I am in life. People see me as a clown, a strategist, a confidant, a leader, a
and it refuses to change. to grow. to adapt. it always hurts and sometimes i feel like i'm afraid to show my hand to reveal what's going on to reestablish who i am and achieve that dreamt-up idea of who i could be but
But I am never who I want to be - to myself or the people around me.
The parts of my brain refuse to work together. Because of the reasons that I could only fully explain to not just the people around me but myself by seeking a diagnosis for mental illness I may or may not have,
i hurt
And it hurts so much sometimes. I feel like this has cost me multiple friendships over the years, a particularly close one this year. If I had to guess, you're reading this now. I saw the preview on that Discord message. I read that first sentence. You reached out. I waited to respond. I regretted that. I don't know if things would have been better or worse had we started talking again but
I won't do what I need to and refuses to take responsibility and so do i and i wish i pushed harder to do something but i didn't because i was enjoying myself though I keep censoring myself so
I regret not just checking the message and responding immediately, or being more attentive in the friendship and somehow creating an image of myself where you could even believe for a moment that I had moved on. I still cry about you sometimes. I wish I said more and I wish I said less. I hope you're doing okay.
I spent most of today in my room. I think I spent most of my year in one of my rooms. I have a few friends, but I feel like we don't meet as much as I'd like. I felt really alone this New Year's Eve. No one I know really lives near me. All of the people I know online have been absent from our voice channels. I don't blame anyone for not joining - most are spending some quality time with their families, I'm bunkered away in my room because I'm not feeling well and the usual remedy for that is my friends.
I had a romantic relationship that almost lasted the whole year. I'm in another romantic relationship that started later the same month the last one ended. I feel as though we're kindling a flame from a spark I had once closed my eyes to, as I've known the individual for some time before we became romantic together. We don't call each other partners, but instead, romantically involved friends. I wasn't sure how I felt about that at the beginning, but it's really grown on me.
i fell for them in a way that i thought i would never let myself again and i love them and they are giving me everything i was missing in the last relationship and while i realize that it probably won't last as many young romances don't i still love them dearly and am hoping dearly and crying because i love them and she's awesome and cool
I made a lot of friends this year. Very few that I speak to on a consistent basis, one that I met through a very unexpected avenue, but friends nonetheless. I'm glad to met all of these people but I worry that I deceive them in some ways. They and my old friends reassure that they are glad to have me and it eases my worries for a moment, but it all still bubbles up - the worry and dread, crying because I'm worried I'll push them away like I've pushed away so many others, or worse - that I'll hurt them and they'll still be here for me.
I don't think I can get to everything, but I want to stop here for now. Other words will have their place and time. Happy New Years to all you I have met and all you I have not yet met and all you I may never meet - I love all of you so much.
2 notes · View notes
sleepyowlwrites · 1 year
Note
8, 10, 12, 14, and most importantly, feel better, oh sleepy one 🖤
Hi Klaus. I've added a bunch of songs to your playlist recently. Been thinking vague thoughts about you. Like, "Klaus is a nice friend" and "I should make Jet content so Klaus will show up and be happy about it" and then I fall asleep.
8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?
I dunno how long the story is, but I've written flash fiction/short stories comprised of only dialogue. I know I can do it. But I think that eventually gets tiring for the reader. Not everyone is up to quite that level of imagining, especially just from whatever context clues happen to be dropped in the conversation. I am really good at writing dialogue, but I'd probably go for just action without it for a longer project. That can get dry as well, so I'd have to get creative with it. But I could do it if I tried.
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?
Anxiety Story haunted me for a bit. I wrote it as a fanfic with the intention of helping people with anxiety to relate to it, and people without to understand it. And I succeeded in that. People commented that it felt very cathartic and comforting to see anxiety that wasn't sugar-coated, or solved by friendship. I went really raw with it, and it was appreciated. My favorite comment was from someone who said that their sister struggled with anxiety and through my fic, they finally understood what it was like for her and how to try and help her when she was having bad days. And that really stuck with me because it showed me that there truly is a need and a desire for fiction that is willing to be frank about anxiety, depression, etc. That comment haunts me a little, and while I've temporarily given up on anxiety story, I've never given up on including mental illness in my stories, especially the anxiety and depression, which I also have. I can't quite bring myself to write about eating disorders, but I'd like to, someday.
Uh, and for a more normal answer, the Thorn Birds. I highly recommend it. I'll probably never read it again. But it's a reading experience you can't forget.
12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules
Executive dysfunction doesn't occur during the writing process
...actually that would solve pretty much everything else. I have inspiration, I have stories, I have motivation. I guess maybe a little bit more of a plotter's brain?
A better remembering ability outside of having to repeat information to myself several times and also maybe write it on my hand
14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?
I used to. Not anymore. Well. I "lend" books to my sister, who now reads more than I do, but really it's just gifting them to her. A couple I've lost but then they came out in prettier covers so I bought those. But I don't lend my books to anyone else. My coworker and friend wanted to read Howl's Moving Castle so I bought it for her. I should buy her a copy of a rival most vial, too. She'd probably love it.
Thanks for asking, my dear.
1 note · View note
misqnon · 23 days
Note
hi. march. slowly shortening this introduction to my posts. sorry if this is a little incoherent i woke up in the middle of the night and im getting sleepy again
i tried looking up fanfiction involving hannyabul and magellan the other day and there was almost none??? i really thought theyd be .. at least a little popular ... the dynamics... arent the dynamics similar to zosan or cavendish and bartolomeo.. dont people like that.. (i wouldnt know since ive never really been a fan of the enemies/rivals to lovers trope)
im pretty sure kidd wears a beast pirate disguise? and like .. good for him... (good for me).. hes got the titties out. i love men. i also rly enjoy the few frobin moments we get when theyre in disguise, theyre super cute!! it seems like u havent been spoiled on the Biggest Moments in wano so im very very glad to hear that. it also kind of has a mystery aspect so i think its probably way more enjoyable to go in blind. there IS a special kind of anticipation when u know what's coming but.. imo its more fun to guess how things will go rather than know and be excited about it
honestly i didnt care for the setting either. in the anime tho .. big mom's introduction is so good. theres a song that plays (its in the manga too but it's way better to hear it rather than... read lyrics) and when i started wci i was still watching the anime, so i got to listen to the song. it was stuck in my head for days. very catchy. i love how theatrical it is and it really made me excited for the arc .. and then i ended up barely enjoying it LOL. also i do actually love pudding but her age also makes me go... ewww. oda made an awful decision making her 16 . gives me kyros flashbacks.. although sanji doesnt seem to be genuinely interested in her. but still like why did oda do that... why... what is the point ... wci does pick back up a bit imo after they get sanji back (which i think is the part ur at? or a little bit after?) and i honestly think it wraps up quite nicely. and yeah.. most importantly.. katakuri is introduced in the second half. lovely guy. i heart him
robin's va did that in. one take??? that is Insane?? she genuinely channeled robin in that moment wtf
i will definitely talk abt opla if/when i watch it. even if zoro doesnt have his goofiness at least i can thirst over him. am i into mackenyu? no.. zoro? yeahs........ also i can definitely see how jacob being too hot is an issue for usopp LOL. some people just.. ooze confidence.. and are too smooth. i think ill probably enjoy his characterization anyways tho cuz i adore usopp
i cant draw women for the life of me but transfem sanji is haunting my brain and.. she made me attempt .. attempt to draw a lady. its her. shes the lady.
YOU THOUGHT OF ME??? im so flattered U have no idea aikfjshdjd. law.. i.. hes a little fucked up.. human art pieces . actually as someone who's done a bit of sculpture (but not abstract art. and it was ceramics) i can appreciate it. if he didnt use real living people in his art i would definitely appreciate it more.. but i imagine seeing a severed head on a sculpture and then they start talking to u.. i imagine that would be a Little.. scary... just a little . i think he should go to therapy probably. ur mental illness is showing law .
i think its semi canon?? theres a moment in the anime (idk if its in the manga or not) where bepo gives law.. puppy dog? eyes? but like .. polar bear version. and law is clearly weak to that. also he calls chopper a tanuki even after being asked not to bc chopper has a cute reaction (he gets mad). so i think he IS weak to cute animals. he is very similar to robin like that... they would definitely bond over choppers cuteness. and they both have weird taste.. in cute animals. its not bunnies or idk. dogs or cats. robin likes pathetic animals (the dragon that had to carry them all up to zou) and law likes . bepo. a 7 foot tall polar bear man.
THATS SUCH A STRANGE COINCIDENCE. this is my first time moving since ive lived in the same place my whole life .. so its kinda exciting and also kinda scary.
OH so u can send images but it just cant be on anon. im.. one day... one day for sure.. (soon). i grew up on twitter tho .. yeah. and before that it was youtube. i have been on the internet since the beginning of time (since i was in single digits. like 5 maybe idk, but i do remember being able to make my own youtube account at 7, and i had been using my brothers before that). my dark past. since ive been on the internet so long i just accept that theres probably a load of my personal information out there for anyone to see. and also a bunch of embarrassing things I've said from years ago. sometimes i come across a youtube comment from when i was like 9 and its always a bit shocking LOL
I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED WITH SESSHOMARU. when i found out .... it .. it .. i.... i dont have words. its so upsetting 😭. actually ive kind of been trying to get into vocaloid bc i recently (like 2 years ago) found out i had been listening to it.. and i didnt know. i didnt realize it was vocaloid
LOL, i say IT COUNTS. i dont draw in my mind cuz i have slight aphantasia. i imagine drawing in ur head is way more relaxing than actually drawing... cuz like... the struggle of anatomy.. proportions.. lighting.. colors.. yeah art is so hard.
there havent been any sbs's recently i dont think?? like they stopped at some point during wano and .. idk what happened. i miss it .. i want to ask about the giant snails that pull germa's ship... well i want someone else to ask about it really . not me. but yeah i have a lot of questions and i just hope it comes back soon 😔. maybe im just missing them somehow but i have checked multiple places. but for some reason i dont see anyone mention it.
RIGHT?? RIGHT???? dont worry the colorism stays /s. they have characters in the latest episodes that are dark skinned and they made only the girl lighter skinned. oda didnt do that. oda made them all the same in the manga. its infuriating.
an issue i have post timeskip is that i actually cannot tell the women apart half the time. they all look pretty similar in the manga, although theyre distinguishable by their clothes and hair. but there was a spread (not colored) that had the main one piece women all in different clothes and with different hair and i sat there for multiple minutes trying to figure out who was who. like i genuinely couldnt tell. i miss nami's short hair,, it had so much character.. and i also miss robins short hair.. again.. it had so much character.
even on a colored cover i had a moment where i was like "is that vivi or is it nami" because it was just a solid blue. i assumed vivi based off context clues and bc.. blue. but if i hadnt had that.. i dont think i wouldve been able to tell. i have no problem with character design changing but oda makes most of the women next to indistinguishable from one another now. its really upsetting. if they had different skin tones or even just. different eye shapes. or different figures. it wouldnt be that much of an issue. but nooo he cant do that. all women who are supposed to be attractive have to look the same.
YEAH ive seen that video!!! u show up a lot on my feed but most of the time its just... the same few posts... which is kind of funny. I ALSO LOVED THE NEWKAMA!! like wow!!! queer representation??? i feel a kinship with these characters?? bon clay literally made impel down for me. my favorite boygirl girlboy. i adore u bon clay.. i adore u.
im a big fan of fukaboshi so i think anytime he was on screen my enjoyment was elevated. also zoro fighting hody(is that who it was) underwater was so cool . like how are u better than a fishman in water??? and the moments with noah... it felt like it was setting up some rly big things and i always love stuff like that. LOL YEAH sanji was even grosser on return to sabaody. i think its just not talked about as much because it wasnt a long arc and he wasnt on screen for a lot of it
oh they for sure have some good points. i also miss the silly shenanigans of pre timeskip. but overall im enjoying post timeskip more, and i do think theyre at least a LITTLE BIT blinded by nostalgia. its hard not to be tbh. i do really miss seeing all the crew together. i dont exactly mind them splitting up but .. i feel like a lot of them end up kind of sidelined. we dont get to see (just some examples) brook or chopper or nami fight much and i. i love them.. i love them just as much as the rest of the crew. i think nami has a really interesting fighting style. and brook is just fun. and people complain (validly) that chopper has been mascotified. which i wouldnt mind so much if he got more cool moments but he doesnt!! we dont even get to see him being a doctor that often :(.
like the writing is still fantastic but yeah. i agree. oda has basically run the jokes that were already pretty tired. into the ground. sanji being the one who suffers most from it. i dont mind robin having more moments where she imagines a really gruesome thing has happened to someone, for example. because she barely did that pre timeskip, and now she only does it occasionally so its not like "oh my god STOP". its still enjoyable. but. idk if theres even a prominent example of someone's character joke being awful other than sanji. like hes the only one who has a consistently awful joke. that in my opinion has never been funny. and its been made into a huge part of his character. i still love post timeskip to death bc. look at everything thats happening!! but i have a lot . lot . lot of gripes with it.
fellow impel down and dressrosa lover 🫡. i do rly like water 7 but . i dont know why but i never enjoyed enies lobby all that much. i think thats probably super controversial LOL. oops.
oh friend... u have no idea..... i have SO many one piece thoughts ... i have paragraphs upon paragraphs of one piece thoughts... the hyperfixation is actively killing me /j
wait let me. find . some.. i send them all in my private (as in its just me and my irl best friend) discord server so its not only in chronological order from when i sent the messages but its also extremely disorganized.. hmm a lot of these are/involve huge spoilers LOL
wait. how do u feel about sanji with heterochromia. one eye is blue and the other is brown . u get the best of both worlds... i felt like i was smart for this but ur the resident sanji lover. u have the say (in my mind) of what is best for him,,,
i saw someone say usopp would get conquerers haki and i big time disagree. he has the best observation haki in the crew and i feel like him getting conquerers haki would kinda cheapen that. and it cheapens his growth. why does he need to have conquerers haki to be a brave warrior of the sea? hes doing perfectly well without it. and also i dont think it fits his character. hes cowardly, has no self confidence, runs away from battles sometimes out of fear, and definitely has a huge sense of shame. from what i know, people with conquerers haki are usually super self assured, strong in a pretty traditional sense, and dont have much self doubt. usopp is like the opposite of that. i think hes very brave because he fights despite how scared he is, but the character archetype just doesn't work imo. like usopp without those characteristics is. to me. not usopp. tell me what u think!! also im like 90% sure none of this is spoilery but if it is i am so so sorry
obviously i havent seen the live action yet but live action shanks looks too hot to me.. like hes too conventionally attractive. i want him to be.. a rat man.. greasy .. but extremely charming.. and hes NOT!! hes just regular hot!??
do all places in one piece just have extra chairs or tables that are bigger? cuz there are some characters that arent of the giant race but are huge. and yet they fit on regular chairs. do u have a 8 foot tall guy walk into ur bar and u have to say "wait a second, we need to get out the big chairs" and then drag out a chair twice ur size? is that the case EVERYWHERE? or do some places not have big chairs so if ur extremely large u just have to sit in a chair thats too small for u.. or maybe u just sit on the floor. or stand.
that scene in sabaody of usopp asking rayleigh if the one piece is real, and luffy gets mad and tells usopp that he doesnt want to know, and if he finds out he will quit right now because he wont go on an adventure that isnt any fun. luffy is such a chill, silly captain, that im sure him snapping like that must be scary. usopp looked so shocked. i love their relationship. i think moments like that. really solidify how real the characters feel. like yeah, they have strong, defined morals. and they will argue and be childish and yell for the sake of their morals. i feel like a lot of media has characters with morals but it doesn't ever show them actually disagreeing with someone. let alone a friend. idk im not wording this great but i think this moment is so good. i love the moments of childishness in one piece. its very humanizing to have immaturity in ur characters
ok thats what ill leave u with for now :)
IM GLAD THAT MADE U LAUGH!! i felt really called out by constantly seeing it bc.. yeahm.. admittedly .. cannibalism is sexy sometimes.. i recently admit this to myself...
"i think he should go to therapy probably. ur mental illness is showing law ."
i think he should go to therapy probably. ur mental illness is showing march .
*nods* march 🫡
i dont think i’ve ever actually met someone who doesn’t like enemies to lovers before?? ik its popular bc its one of my favs and im happy about that bc im always nosedeep in the content SFNKJDN. valid tho. i cant speak bc ive written two 50K+ zosan fanfics and will probably write more 🧍I’LL USE THOSE SKILLS TO WRITE HANYAGELLAN FOR YOU. HAHA JK …UNLESS
so ive only met kidd once or twice right. i met him in sabaody pre-timeskip when the worst generation got introduced and he’s had a couple small moments since then. but i just feel and know in my heart that i would be a kidd girlie. red haired angry anime men are one of those specific niches i’m like YEAAA YEAAA [CHEERING] and people are always talking about his tits in the one piece server i’m in so. DFJNVIDJ HELL YEAH IM READY FOR THAT
and frobin…hell yea…theyre so cute…my weirdo couple…
actually!! im reading the manga on tcbscans and there’s a comment section under every chapter that i like to read bc its cool seeing ppl’s reactions (as i’ve said) and in big mom’s intro chapter someone was like “if ur manga only look up her song rn its actually so good” so i did and YEA. ITS SO FUN?? AND THEATRICAL?? AND I LOVE THE MELODY?? like ok big mom go off
yea i already knew pudding was 16 bc i was all up in sanji’s business and reading about wci when i joined the fandom but I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT KYROS AND I WAS SO MAD WHEN THAT REVEAL HAPPENED!??!!? I WAS LIKE DAMN ODA HAS DONE THIS SHIT LIKE 3 TIMES NOW?? for the third one i count shirahoshi. even though she didnt have a love interest it was nasty for him to make a character so obviously meant to be so beautiful and sought-after and sexualized and then make her a teenager. plus vander decken . existed.
OOH YEA THEY JUST GOT SANJI BACK AND THEY’RE TALKING WITH BEGE ABOUT AN ALLIANCE RN. I PLAN TO READ MORE TONIGHT SO WE WILL SEE 👁️
“am i into mackenyu? no.. zoro? yeahs........” this is so real
U DREW TRANSFEM SANJI?? HAH?? HELLO?? HELLO MAY I SEE??
i have an art degree and tbh i support law and his human sculptures wholeheartedly. its very dada of him imo. but abstract art seems more up his alley. regardless i know some of my professors would have been like “live human sculpture…wow…that is so Art” very marina abromavic of him as well. but um yeah he should still go to therapy tho. yea
robin and law 🤝 “cool and collected” characters thinking fucked up weird animals are cute
i’ve moved like 9 times in my life this is just another day in the life [eyebags the size of dinner plates]
(looks at the other ask in my inbox) oh yeah…very soon
Tumblr media
omg. i started getting on the internet in single digits but to like. get on mylittlepony.com and play facebook games. i started being more “ONLINE” around probably 10 or 11 though and i made my tumblr account when i was 12 💀 i, too, sometimes see something old i posted and just go Oh God 
and i DEF had/have too much personal info online bc of that but i’ve tried to cut it down lately in the interest of ~ internet safety ~ . i dont use my first name online as much (hence going by mont in addition to the. trans-ness) and i took all my selfies off my blog. but who knows what else i put up and have forgotten about
RUMOKI TAKAHASHI I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU ‼️‼️ RUINING BEGRUDGING FATHER/ ADOPTED DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS FOREVER (jk i still love it but now im always just scared of. betrayal)
I LOVE VOCALOID!! i’ve been into vocaloid basically since i started being online (although i dont keep up with a lot of CURRENT vocaloid news so im like an old man who didnt keep up with the times. i love the original crypton 6 (miku, rin, len, meiko, kaito, luka) + gumi and gakupo but until a couple years ago i was like “What The Fuck is a Fukase” jbfvhjdn
i’ve caught up to date a little bit and still consider myself currently a vocaloid fan but yea im like a genwunner of vocaloid but just bc im lazy not bc im pretentious djsnkj
i actually saw kikuo (my fav vocaloid producer) in concert in january!! my first and only vocaloid concert…(but only bc he happened to be touring with bo en. no miku hologram for me)
ur like the third person ive met with aphantasia! and. yea its much easier in my head </3 why did i major in that shit </3 
WAIT REALLY?? THEY DONT DO SBS ANYMORE?? I LOVE SBS :( I ALSO HAVE SOME ONGOING QUESTIONS I WANT ANSWERED!! (that i want someone else to ask kjvfnkfn) i looked it up and didnt see much at a cursory glance aside from the fact that sbs happens every volume instead of chapter (?) who knows but i hope they didnt stop completely…
toei feel my wrath re: the racism. oda also feel my wrath re: the sexism. and the racism (why do you use the same skin color for everyone in the colorspreads…oda PLEASE) and the worst part about the nami clone thing is that we know he can draw women differently. have u seen how he drew young big mom. she was so hot. and yet he chooses NOT TO!!
FKJNKDLS WHY AM I WHATS NEW PUSSYCATTING ON YOUR FEED. WITH THE CANNIBALISM POST TOO. I POST SO MUCH GOOD CONTENT TUMBLR WTH </3 (LYING)
YEA I WAS ACTUALLY SURPRISED HOW WELL DONE THE IMPEL DOWN REPRESENTATION FELT?? THAT WHEN WE GOT TO KAMABAKKA I WAS LIKE why did we go…backwards…but they cant take the impel down newkama land away from me. that scene where iva makes a speech about gender and does a little performance made me feel so seen on screen even if oda meant for it to be tokenism or something. i think he thinks we (gay ppl) are cool but doesnt quite get it. like he saw gay ppl and went “this would work with my silly art style so well. transgenderism is a thrilling character trait” and then did not attempt to understand much after that KDCKJS
FUKABOSHI MY BELOVED actually all 3 of the fishman princes…when they cheered up shirahoshi during the scene where their mom was murdered i actually cried as they danced and sang through their own tears. like wtF. AND YEA ZORO ALMOST DROWNED SO MANY TIMES THAT ARC BUT HE WAS STILL COOL AND HOT 😔 the noah was also a cool concept!! you see the noah’s arc thing come up a lot in anime for some reason?? like my d gray man loving ass was like huh…okay two nickels…
ur so right about the sidelining (its like anyone that isnt the east blue 5) and especially about chopper. aside from being mascotified i wish he wasnt baby-fied too (which stems from the mascot problem). like…he’s 17. chopper is a full ass teenager, not a child. I GET that he’s a reindeer and also very naive but imagine how cool he could have been post timeskip…horn point chopper is my fav bc i just love the design but IMAGINE IF HE LOOKED LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME!!
Tumblr media
and he could have so much more development in terms of constantly seeing his crewmates near death and always having to fix it…or just him improving as a doctor! i dont think we get to see chopper doctor enough but we also dont get to see him struggle! (m really just over here advocating for more depression and more hardship for chopper im so sorry king)
a lot of the running jokes i can still get behind (zoro getting lost will never not be funny to me idk how it hasnt gotten old but it hasnt okay) maybe bc its so harmless?? robin’s gruesome joke i agree, its not overdone so i still like it. mean nami slapstick i’ve never liked but can get a chuckle out of me every once in a while. brook panty joke L 👎brook skull jokes would be funny but they’re always too easy 👎 and yea sanji is the worst victim. i found it somewhat funny/endearing pre thriller bark when it was mostly harmless swooning and heart eyes but nowadays uhhh [beating him to death with hammers] 
u know what i see ur point on enies lobby. for water 7 it had great new characters and an AWESOME bright and beautiful water city setting but enies lobbies is. just a bunch of white government buildings on an island. the high point is definitely just robin’s moment. and kaku saying “I LOVE GIRAFFES. GIRAFFES ARE AWESOME” 
one piece brainrot is ruining me i have MUCH IDEA !!
OKAY LISTEN . I HAVE HEARD BOTH ROBIN HETEROCHROMIA AND SANJI HETEROCHROMIA AND LIKE. I DONT THINK EITHER ARE / COULD BE CANON BUT. robin heterochromia is so fun. and sanji heterochromia although for some reason i dont feel like it fits him HAS POTENTIAL bc imagine when he comes back post timeskip with his bangs covering the other eye now and the crew is like “🤨 wait i thought you had blue eyes?” ugh i need it. ive seen a LITTLE art and like 1 fic of heterochromia sanji and its very entertaining for sure i always eat it up even tho i dont necessarily headcanon it. i am so glad i have authority on this in ur mind btw. [clanging my sanji gavel] order in the court
i agree about usopp and conqueror’s haki! like damn we already got two of them with it dont we…although i saw someone on youtube somewhere suggest he could have “conquerer’s observation” ?? idk enough about haki to understand that but it sounds cool 👍 its not spoilery so dw! although that yt comment made me think like “if there’s multiple types of conqueror’s haki it it like..all based on one guy? one original conqueror ?? and who was it…” who knows…i mean i know zoro has conqueror’s haki bc of spoils but idk how or when that happens (wano, i assume. idk how i feel about that yet bc much as i love the green guy sometimes i feel like he’s favored a bit for the op stuff) and you made some really solid points about usopp’s character too!! part of me was like “damn sanji the only monster trio member not to have conqueror’s haki…” but he could not have it for. several of the same reasons u listed for usopp lmao AND THATS OK!! THOSE THINGS ARE REASONS I LIKE THEM BOTH 
“live action shanks is too hot” ok then explain this
Tumblr media
you know what. that is. a good question. why do they get so big btw. like humans come in all sizes but why. is it to do with the gravity of the planet cause its so huge and got so many moons…thats how i explain half of the unrealistic things in this show lmao. maybe they just stand. its more Intimidating™. sorry villains dont get to sit (although that makes me think about that time doffy was just sitting on the table in the middle of the warlord meeting?? did u see that post?? its a screenshot like why did they let him on the table like that. evil cat behavior from local bird man)
THATS A GOOD SCENE TO POINT OUT. YEA YEA YEA YUOU GET IT. i loooove the serious luffy moments. ive said it a million times but luffy is intelligence 5 wisdom 20. luffy is actually very selfish but in a way that i dont hate…he just wants to be free. and free others. and he lives so in the moment. he’s so different from so many people that he’s very fascinating as a character to watch, esp bc he DOES have moments like u mentioned that make him feel real and have boundaries. u know its funny bc luffy is like the most open accepting character that its hilarious how many times ive seen something oda has written/done and been like “luffy would never do this. the character u made up and continue to write would be more accepting than this.” like luffy is totally chill with women, doesnt see them as lesser, never even hints at this like even zoro does, luffy’s super chill about bon clay and the newkama, luffy doesnt discriminate based on characters’ races etc etc etc. and yet oda DOEs do all this its like. oda u have to see if bc u MAKE it so why cant U BE MORE LIKE THE GUY YOU MADE UP FDJVKND. i think the only moment i can think of that even vaguely implies luffy knows what a gender role is is when he’s in amazon lily and they put him in a frilly shirt and he’s like “i dont wanna wear this. this isnt my style at all” but its all about his OWN preferences and not about anyone else’s. u get me??
“cannibalism is sexy sometimes” u get it. u get it. u understand. we are kindred spirits rn. join me
and the end KJFNDKJEN ITS OKAY MARCH LET’S GO TO THERAPY TOGETHER 
Tumblr media
to end off here are some of my one piece headcanons (some of which probably will never be canon and im okay with that)
first off sanji is a repressed bisexual and u can tear this from my cold dead hands. post kamabakka he’s gnc too he just wont admit it bc hes a scared little baby bitch. ik it was anime only but that scene were he’s fighting in a dress and caroline keeps telling him to accept himself or some shit as a flower slowly blooms metaphorically in the in-between footage was transgender as hell. also that time someone sent a message to oda in sbs saying like “i’m so glad sanji is girl crazy and not boy crazy” an oda responded “uh, totally” …like is the translation just coming off sarcastic or am i reaching-
i think zoro is gay. he just gives me that vibe ok. 2nd choice he is aroace and luffy is like his qpp or somethin ok (i dont ship zolu but i can admit those bitches got a point bc MAN they really love each other. i like it much better as friendship tho) and on that note luffy is aroace too.
nami is a lesbian. im aware all 3 of these are the popular fandom hcs but idc. this one i have actual evidence for have u seen how she latches onto every woman in each arc. she’s just as bad as sanji she’s just more chill about it /hj
FRANKY IS STRAIGHT BUT HE’S A REALLY LOUD ALLY OKAY . HE’S JUST A COOL DUDE
contrary to fandom hc i think robin and usopp are probably straight. robin would make a very dignified lesbian or bisexual but i think she’s just a weirdgirl straight who’s being a supportive ally with franky. 
brook is probably straight but i think he was also simultaneously in love with yorki a little bit and doesnt talk about it bc yorki is gone now so its not like its gonna happen ever again. soul king “im straight but i had a boyfriend one time” brook
chopper is a reindeer
god what else do i have aside form sexuality headcanons. OH !! this isnt a headcanon but i have a running theory that many of the strawhats are based on classic characters from fiction/pop culture…i keep meaning to make a post about this but im busy
zoro is inspired by zorro. okay easy next
chopper is inspired by rudolph, obviously
usopp is inspired by pinocchio but I DONT SEE THIS ONE MENTIONED AS OFTEN: CYRANO DE BERGERAC!! down to the lying and the long nose and the crush on the rich girl out of his league!!
robin is inspired by matilda in my mind. weirdgirl with mind powers abused by her caregivers and obsessed with books…like okay oda just tell us u read roald dahl
i know sanji was inspired in looks by mr. pink in reservoir dogs but i havent seen that movie so i cant speak on anything else LMAO
i feel like its possible the others were inspired by more that i just am not aware of / might be japanese pop culture and therefore harder for western fans to spot…thoughts?
0 notes