The boy who lost his soul to fire and the girl whose soul was drowned.

zuko and katara’s narrative symmetry drives me insane every time i think about it, actually. you rise with the moon, i rise with the sun; her power waning as his grows, and vice versa. zuko becoming disillusioned with the fire nation as katara learns the truth about the evil that exists within the other nations. how they both orbit around the avatar, the emblem of all their hopes; katara pulling aang forward to his destiny while zuko pursues on the other end, driving him onwards. the way their parallel lines intersect at the end of every season before diverging once more, each one only able to rise when the other falls. circling one another, so close yet so far, until they finally come together in the agni kai, two halves becoming whole at the crux of their individual arcs and their journey together — balance forged in sacrifice, an eternal push and pull finally brought to stillness. and all of this beautifully personifying the show’s most fundamental themes in the process. how the fuck were they not canon.

I'm pretty sure Joker being like Sleeping Beauty in Royal was intentional. After all, third semester in general has a fairytale theme, with Sumire being Cinderella and Maruki being the Fairy Godmother that grants her (and everyone else's) wishes. But he's also Maleficent, because he puts Sleeping Beauty (Joker) to sleep. Hence Maruki viewing himself as the good guy but also being the bad guy. He gives Sleeping Beauty his Prince Charming (Akechi) in order to convince him to stay within the dream of the false reality, but fails to realize what Prince Charming's goal is in every telling of the story. To wake Sleeping Beauty. Hence, Akechi being the most against the fake reality and being the one to convince Joker not to stay in the reality. By failing to admit his role as the villain, Maruki brings about his own demise in the form of Akechi. It's so well done I can't imagine it being anything but intentional. I mean, Joker even walks with Akechi, "once upon a dream" if one considers the fake reality akin to a dream.

^^^ YEAH!!!!!! YOU GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🧨💥🧨💥🧨💥

i find the irony of goro and maruki’s varying self-awareness levels to be RESPLENDENT!! like here we have goro who has always desperately yearned to be the hero and yet he’s resigned himself to playing the role of villain, the big bad wolf killing mothers and fathers and plotting against the righteous thieves… but come third semester he’s the heroic prince charming saving sleeping beauty!!

(although i like my yaoi toxic, i have to admit how perfectly akira and goro click together as two halves of a whole; they intrigue and excite each other, fulfill their savior complexes and desire to be known intimately, bring the best and worst out of each other...) these two freaks are literally this:

anyways i like to daydream that in the euthanasia ending (i enjoy how horrifying and clinical that name is) even after the rest of the world has long forgotten akira, goro, who has always been stubbornly aware and driven by the truth (i mean, both his AOA's talk about the truth; the boy is FIXATED), will eventually make his way up sleeping beauty’s tower to wake up his love…

and then there’s the other part of the irony: maruki who thinks himself to be his new reality’s messiah but is actually the real Big Bad woa!! a classic evil queen, the evil stepmother, coraline’s other mother trying to trap her in her spiderweb… amazing!!! like u said, he’s simultaneously sumi’s fairy godmother and akira’s villainous fairy! everyday i thank the devs for adding third semester bcuz hoo boy did it elevate p5 to the high heavens!!

i’ve always been very fond of the sleeping beauty parallels in p5, but i’d never thought about it thoroughly enough to realize how instrumental goro’s prince charming role is in dismantling malecificent’s curse! thank u for opening my eyes!! i’m literally giddy from glee!!!

I'm know I've mentioned it before, but considering that Feyre and Rhys are both two halves made whole, Nesta's and Elain's books essentially mirror ACOMAF split into two. Nesta's journey parallels Feyre's healing from her UTM ordeal, with Rhys's full Illyrian counterpart. Meanwhile, Elain's exploration mirrors Feyre's ascension to reclaiming the High Lady title, with Rhys's full fae counterpart.

While SF may have faced criticism, Nesta had to heal through aspects that had never bothered her before, much like Feyre did, and Cassian has already worked through most of his issues, though he still acknowledges his self-worth issues. Their story seems complete, but ACOMAF hints more towards Elucien's story, especially when dissecting Rhys's chapter 54 alongside Lucien's journey throughout the books.

Though Rhys's and Lucien's experiences differ, there are enough parallels for me to draw connections. SJM loves her patterns, so it wouldn't be surprising if she continues this trend in Elucien's story as well.

Indents are from chapter 54 and orange is Lucien

He paused, swallowing. “I was chained in the mud, forced to watch as they battled. To watch as Jurian took my killing blow. Only—she slaughtered him. I watched her rip out his eye, then rip off his finger, and when he was prone, I watched her drag him back to the camp. Then I listened to her slowly, over days and days, tear him apart. His screaming was endless. She was so focused on torturing him that she didn’t detect my father’s arrival. In the panic, she killed Jurian rather than see him liberated, and fled.

A tight sigh. “His father had her put down. Executed, in front of Lucien, as his two eldest brothers held him and made him watch.”

And that night, when she kept turning her attention to me, I knew what she wanted. I knew it wasn’t about fucking me so much as it was about getting revenge at my father’s ghost. But if that was what she wanted, then that was what she would get. I made her beg, and scream, and used my lingering powers to make it so good for her that she wanted more. Craved more.

He wouldn’t meet my gaze. “She insisted. Tamlin was … Things were bad, Feyre. I went in his stead, and I did my duty to the court. I went of my own free will. And we completed the Rite.” No wonder she’d backed off him. She’d gotten what she wanted. “Please don’t tell Elain,” he said. “When we—when we find her again,” he amended. He might have completed the Great Rite with Ianthe of his own free will, but he certainly hadn’t enjoyed it. Some line had been blurred—badly.

But your final trial came, and … When she started torturing you, something snapped in a way I couldn’t explain, only that seeing you bleeding and screaming undid me. It broke me at last. And I knew as I picked up that knife to kill her … I knew right then what you were. I knew that you were my mate, and you were in love with another male, and had destroyed yourself to save him, and that … that I didn’t care. If you were going to die, I was going to die with you. I couldn’t stop thinking it over and over as you screamed, as I tried to kill her: you were my mate, my mate, my mate.

Lucien staggered a step forward as Elain was gripped between two guards and hoisted up. She began kicking then, weeping while her feet slammed into the sides of the Cauldron as if she’d push off it, as if she’d knock it down— “That is enough.” Lucien surged for Elain, for the Cauldron. And the king’s power leashed him, too. On the ground beside Tamlin, his single eye wide, Lucien had the good sense to look horrified as he glanced between Elain and the High Lord.

So Amarantha died, and I spoke to the High Lords mind to mind, convincing them to come forward, to offer that spark of power. None of them disagreed. I think they were too stunned to think of saying no.

Elain was still shivering on the wet stones, her nightgown shoved up to her thighs, her small breasts fully visible beneath the soaked fabric. Guards snickered. Lucien snarled at the king over the bite of the magic at his throat, “Don’t just leave her on the damned floor—” There was a flare of light, and a scrape, and then Lucien was stalking toward Elain, freed of his restraints. Tamlin remained leashed on the ground, a gag of white, iridescent magic in his mouth now. But his eyes were on Lucien as—As Lucien took off his jacket, kneeling before Elain. She cringed away from the coat, from him

When I went to leave you … I think transforming you into Fae made the bond lock into place permanently. I’d known it existed, but it hit me then—hit me so strong that I panicked. I knew if I stayed a second longer, I’d damn the consequences and take you with me. And you’d hate me forever.

But Elain was staring over Nesta’s shoulder. At Lucien—whose face she had finally taken in. Dark brown eyes met one eye of russet and one of metal. Nesta was still weeping, still raging, still inspecting Elain— Lucien’s hands slackened at his sides. His voice broke as he whispered to Elain, “You’re my mate.”

I heard you were going to marry him, and I told myself you were happy. I should let you be happy, even if it killed me. Even if you were my mate, you’d earned that happiness.

“My mate is engaged to a human male.” He spoke more to himself than to me. “I’m sorry if—” “I want to see her. Just once. Just—to know.” “To know what?” He hitched my damp cloak higher around us. “If she is worth fighting for.” I couldn’t bring myself to say she was, to give him that sort of hope when Elain might very well do everything in her power to hold to her engagement. Even if immortality had already rendered it impossible. Lucien leaned his head back against the rock wall behind us. “And then I’ll ask your mate how he survived it—knowing you were engaged to someone else. Sharing another male’s bed.”

“It killed me, Feyre, to send you back. To see you waste away, month by month.

Too thin. She must not be eating at all. How can she even stand? The thoughts flowed through his head, one after another. His heart was a raging, thunderous beat, and he didn’t dare move from his position a mere five feet away. She hadn’t yet turned toward him, but the ravages of her fasting were evident enough.

But I couldn’t … I couldn’t stop being around you, and loving you, and wanting you. I still can’t stay away.

Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing.

ships i like and why i ship them: a small, affectionate rant before bed

zhongchi: probably the first ship i ever interacted with. i may have started playing genshin for them. I specifically remember reading modern, non canon au fics on ao3 when i was still low AR and did not have liyue unlocked yet just to enjoy content of them without spoiling the story too much. those were good times

love the betrayal, the reciprocated manipulations, their individual bloody pasts and their juxtaposing love for humanity/family. the marriage chopsticks. god, the amount of threads I've read explaining those... and ofc you can't forget the official art with them by the harbor with the gingko leaves falling cinematically. i think that's the art that drew me to them lol

there's also something so deliciously tragic about a near-immortal being who's fated to succumb to erosion in due time, falling in love with a mortal man who's always within death's cold embrace. not to mention the subtext of their themes and principles. geo and hydro, stability and turbulence, land and sea, they crystallize when they meet in the middle, etc etc

kaeluc: another pairing I enjoyed the absolute shit out of, way back when I wasn't even playing the game yet. I remember learning about them while I was deep in my mxtx phase, specifically tgcf, and I'm pretty sure I dipped my toes in after I learned that they used to be sworn brothers. keywords here being used to. hook, line, and sinker. before I knew it, I was also reading fanfics about them, but only modern, non canon au ones because genshin terms made no sense to me and i didn't want spoilers. then I played the game. and then—we get Kaeya for free. I mained the shit out of that man for months.

and then. I fully entered the fandom, only to be immediately slapped in the face with the mistranslation issue.

and I get it, honestly, if you like ragbros good for you, I'm happy for you, but me personally, I will scorn hyv until the day I fucking die because had they not messed this up? kaeluc would've have been so powerful. KAELUC WOULD HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING POWERFUL

how could they not be? they're childhood friends but they're also forbidden romance coded, and rivals/enemies coded, but they're also soulmates. they don't just know each other, they're two halves of a whole, they know each other.

and the themes, don't even get me started on their themes. fire and ice, red and blue... paimon's line about them being similar (i.e. kaeya's a shady mf who fights in the day/diluc's a bright fire in the night) is one of the most romantic lines ever. they're sun and moon but only because they complete each other. also, lamp grass and calla lily? that's them as flowers, but they're the other person's ascension material like hello???????? fucking wild.

and ofc this kaeluc section can't end without me mentioning arundolyn and rostam. for those who don't know or have read/heard of those names but never really dug deep into it, arundolyn and rostam were knights of favonius around the same time as the cataclysm, and you can read about them in artifact sets such as brave heart, defender's will; and partially from the elegy bow

the reason they're here is because there are too many damn parallels between them and kaeluc to just be a coincidence.

arundolyn was a claymore user (see: ferrous shadow), he was the "lion of light,"; he was naturally gifted in strength but still trained hard and would later become the grand master of the knights; he'd push rostam to drink wine and tell him to have a little fun; he gives up his title and weapon after rostam dies

on the flip side, rostam was the swordsman who created the art of favonius bladework (see: favonius sword), his title was, "wolf pup,"; when he and arundolyn played as children, he was the stand-in for the champion knight of aristocracy; he "ruled the shadows," by protecting mond with ways the knights did not approve; rostam dies in an expedition to expunge the evils poured forth from the cataclysm...

I'll let you connect the dots there. I just also wanna point out, as a final note, that in the favonius sword's description, it says, "the childhood friend and spiritual counterpart of Arundolyn, the Lion of Light, whose name was Rostam, the Wolf Pup." ok. yeah. moving on

xiaoven: i very quickly realized after reading the genshin webtoon that venti was gonna be one of, if not my most favorite character. and i was curious as to who the people wanted to pair him with. keep in mind, this was around 2.0~2.2 I believe, so when I searched them up, the only canon backing I could find was the music scene

and boy, was that scene enough because holy shit, the brain rot these two gave me??? of a god who embodies freedom, and the last remaining yaksha chained to his duty????? they were so thematically opposed and beautiful, it wasn't hard to fall in love with them

by the time 3.0 came rolling in, I've already stopped playing, but that didn't mean i wasn't aware of how we were well fed by canon. from the trailer to venti full on attending the lantern rite and sitting down with the liyue gang; it was one of those interactions that transcended everything

and of course, OF COURSE, they also canonically addressed the fact that venti's music soothes xiao's soul. that's intimate. that's deep. that's so fucking romantic and nice and beautiful in the most tragic way...

also, we can't forget the depictions of god and servant here. the holy themes, the worship. the promise of immortality and foreverness, but also the threat of it. i just think xiao doomed with karmic debt and venti vowed to divine erosion is such a soulmate connection, and I'm also delusional

that's all for now but there's so much more...

So I wanted to elaborate on the Mat/Elayne Freyja/Odin parallel, so here’s that essay. For the sake of keeping this post semi coherent any off topic but vaguely relevant ramblings will be at the bottom of the post.

To start I was surprised to find out that while the obvious parallels between Mat/Odin and Perrin/Thor are often noted I haven’t seen anyone mention how Elayne is Freyja, so I’ll start by talking about those similarities. Freyja is a goddess of love and fertility as well as a goddess of death and war, and of course, of the magic practice of Seidhr which I covered in my precious Mat post. Freyja much like Elayne is a twin, having a twin brother(and masculine form) Freyr, the god of peace, fertility and prosperity. Freyr also has a horse cult, for some reason. Freyja of course is the second patron god of Seidhr sharing the role with Odin but she fulfills the more traditional and feminine aspects in a more socially conventional manner. Her husband, is often absent resulting in a particular myth of her crying ‘red-gold’ tears in his absence, her husband, Odr’s name actually means frenzied madness so shout out Rand. Freyja is also often depicted with having red-gold hair like everyone’s favorite Trakkand. She’s also associated with cats and she’s sometimes connected to the Phrygian goddess Cybele, who instead of a chariots drawn by cats has a chariot drawn by lions. Of course the Cybele/Freyja connection is debatable but I wanted to point it out for the lion connection.

Now onto the fun part, Freyja/Elayne and Mat/Odin, let’s talk about that dynamic. So if you didn’t notice Seidhr isn’t the only domain Freyja and Odin share, they’re both also gods of war and death, specifically they’re both gods of glorious death on the field of battle. Half of the slain are taken by Odin to Valahalla and the other half to Freyja’s realm Folkvangr. Now this might be a stretch but the sharing of the dead between Odin and Freyja reminds me of the sharing of The Band and the Dragons between Mat and Elayne in ToM and AMoL. Once again that’s a bit of a stretch but I wanted to point it out. Though I think the Band of The Red Hand is definitely a reference to Odin leading a procession of fallen warriors and the fact that Elayne gets shared custody is something I find very interesting in terms of this parallel.

Odin and Freyja are also both connected to the Valkyries for the above reasons. I think it’s safe to say that Brigitte is a Valkyrie, a spirit of a female warrior who comes to lead the dead to Valhalla and Folkvangr respectively. The fact that Brigitte bonded to both Mat and Elayne(through the horn and through the Warder bond respectively) is something I think proves this connection. Yada yada the Horn of Valere and the Heroes of the Horn are the Wild Hunt which in some stories is led by Odin with a Valkyrie at his side, Mat and Brigitte yada yada.

Also depending on who you ask Freyja is often conflated with Odin’s wife Frigg and Odin with Freyja’s husband Odr so uh- Matlayne

Now how do these connections inform Mat and Elayne’s dynamic. Well for one it explains why they are so heavily linked to eachother, from Mat’s vague connection to Manethran’s King Aemon and Elayne LITERALLY being the Rose of The Sun to Mat and Elayne sharing their weapons of mass destruction with eachother, the two spend a great deal of time with eachother and working together. Much like Odin and Freyja they compliment eachother and work together in their respective domains, whether that’s being a soldier and his Queen or two powerful people sharing battle earned death while accompanied by a woman warrior spirit and legendary procession of long dead heroes. They are complimentary halves and foils to eachother, they of course clash because they are forced to share space(share domains) but in the end they come to an understanding and make eachother stronger through their differences and similarities.

Okay okay tangent time, so I’m really insane about Mat/Elayne’s whole relationship and how Elayne is a thematic character foil to Tuon. Like Elayne is the Rose of the Sun and Tuon is the Daughter of the Nine Moons. The thematic relevance of Mat choosing to stay in Ebou Dar with Tuon vs. taking Elayne’s contract to become an Andoran general, choosing the Moon over the Sun. All I’m saying is that RJ robbed us of the potential Mat/Elayne/Tuon love triangle that would’ve shot and killed me. The Themes, The Character Foils, The DRAMA

Next tangent has nothing to do with Elayne really but was inspired by the previous tangent. So the Seanchen are represented by the night but they are also symbols of death right? Now one of Tuon’s names is Kore which is an epitaph of Persephone and with the death connection and the kidnapping that brings an obvious parallel to the myth of Hades and Persephone. But I’d argue that the story themes put Tuon in the role of Hades rather than Persephone while Mat takes Persephone’s role. I mean wed to Hades(Tuon) and brought into the underworld(Seanchen) only to become trapped there by eating a pomegranate(or accidentally starting a foreign marriage ceremony) able to return home to the land of the living(Andor) but only for short periods of time, all while becoming more than she once was as the Queen of the Underworld(Prince of Ravens). Anyways I have FEELINGS about Mat Cauthon.

Manga With Me: MHA Crackpot Analysis

I know we’re collectively running off the high of chapter 406 (just me??) but anyone else curious about the parallels we saw in chapter 407 to themes from way back in the training camp arc? I have a feeling they'll bear on what kind of ending our boys will have when all is said and done and I got time today to explore that.

⚠️ Spoiler warning: through chapter MHA 411.

Before you waste your time diving in, let's start with what makes this a crack analysis - I'm still making heads or tails on what this means for BakuDeku because... while I think the series will end with a reckoning between them, it doesn't mean it'll be to confirm the romantic underpinnings or that both of them will live.

Let's start with what informs this hunch:

Note: There's a serious bit of nuance we're missing from the English translation though I'm having a hard time finding the original post I liked many moons ago that essentially goes into the fact that, when Midoriya told Compress to "Give him back," referring to the Bakugo marble... he used language that had a possessive connotation. 👀 In fact, even with the English translation, we can see that Compress specifically calls out the phrasing to be odd, we just miss the subtlety of why that is (they really don't want us to be great). Compress nobly shoots back that Bakugo doesn't belong to anyone but this violent idea of possessing someone... DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO ANYONE??

We have seen, scattered throughout this entire story, that All For One has always been obsessed with recapturing the One For All quirk. It's why he targets the successors so compulsively. I assumed it was because, as the dynamic had been cast, that One For All has always had the power to best All For One. It wasn't until we saw the vestiges locked within OFA, Yoichi in particular, that we realize there's a bit more to the story. AFO's origin story in chapter 407 casts a really interesting foreshadow.

This alone isn't particularly damning or why I think it has impact on the story's end, or at least not comprehensively. Now that we see All For One up close... we've gotten some insight into his disposition as well. Specifically, here:

This mentality sounds exactly like...

At the heart of the story, everything has centered around Midoriya and Bakugo and their quest for number one, as inspired by All Might.

Canonically, we know that, in universe, their adoration of All Might has led to an embodiment of a facet of what they believe makes him a good hero. The Win to Save vs. Save to Win camps that are defined most readily at Ground Beta by All Might himself.

Midoriya and Bakugo are frequently cast as two halves of the same whole and as an impetus, not only for their mutually linked improvement, but also inspiring others around them to level up, as well. While it can be inferred that All Might as a mentor is largely the catalyst for this, it would be remiss to say that he doesn't have his own host of parallels but, at the center of this crack pot theory is his obvious relation to All For One.

To simplify where I'm going with this and explain the upcoming mental gymnastics: All For One is a foil for All Might.

We've seen Midoriya and Bakugo, in their quest to be heroes, embody two halves of who All Might is as a hero. In fact, Bakugo's reconciliation of his previous inability to "Save to Win" marked a major development in his character evolution and perception by people who aren't in Class 1A (Monoma. I'm talking about Monoma). On an unrelated note, members of Class 1A get to a point of not treating Bakugo like a ticking time bomb as they drag him around and infantilize him (Tsuyu) and this marked difference provided further exposition that the class has come to realize that he's mostly bravado and bluster and maybe not as awful as depicted at the onset of the story.

All that to say... given the parallels we see in the latest chapters. Are they meant to be two sides of All For One, too?

A continuing theme of the story (I'm sure I blab about it in other Manga With Me threads) is the fact that anyone can be a hero. However, there's also a critical examination of one's ability to be villainous regardless of intention or perception. We see it in the case of Endeavor, in particular, but also with characters like Hawks and Lady Nagant... and the Hero Commission, in general. Alternatively, even villains are redeemable or may have good intentions and we're seeing a lot of their redemptions play out through the duration of this war.

If we've seen the resolution of their embodiment of All Might, does it make sense to cast Midoriya and Bakugo in the shadow of who All For One is, as well? Arrogant, possessive, merciless and with an ego that looks only to subjugate others.

I think what causes unease about these panels and their comparison to AFO is because I'm expecting a huge cop out. We've been getting a lot of damning BKDK moments with an extra serving of Togachako. Would this new parallel cast them more in a brotherly light? With these parallel's and All For One's defeat... what does this mean for BakuDeku?

I think we've seen Bakugo overcome his likeness to AFO, as it were. Despite their competition, he recognized why he couldn't face Midoriya's spirit so, instead he rejected him. He reveals as much to All Might directly. Midoriya is no longer just a pebble and, based on vestigal Bakugo, I think we can all agree they are linked by something akin to fate. In fact, Bakugo was only able to save All Might (and balance out his guilt for "ruining" All Might while pulling off an All Might signature fist of triumph) with Midoriya's help and their wordless collaboration. He even grabbed his hand!

But the object of AFO's obsession is his brother and I can't help but also draw the connection between Bakugo's previous inability to reach out and accept Midoriya's hand back at the pond where Yoichi willingly grasped Kudou's (... pre-Bakugo, Bakugo) and escaped his brother. The coincidence is too much and I can't help but look for meaning in how this story seems to be coming full circle. Because, on the one hand I want to compare them to AFO but on the other hand, is the better comparison between AFO and OFA themselves?

In the latest chapter, we've seen that Shigaraki has robbed Midoriya of at least one OFA vestige and subsequently their inherent quirk. Will it all end by him losing each of them until he's back to being quirkless? A destruction of AFO seeing a destruction of OFA and ending this dispute of ideologies that's gone back several generations? Successful in besting Shigaraki but... losing someone who means so much to him in the process?

7/19 Edit to clarify, what I’m trying to say is: if the resolution to Bakugo’s hubris was reaching out a hand to a “pebble” to ultimately defeat AFO… would the resolution to Midoriya’s possessiveness be to lose everything?

It's too much to think about but I don't call it crack pot for nothing. I'm still formulating my hypothesis but think this next chapter should have something huge to explain how Deku is still able to avoid Shigaraki despite no longer being able to use Gearshift and losing Danger Sense. Maybe it'll be the linch pin in figuring out if there's a hypothesis to be had or whether this was all a big reach. I still can't decide.

Ohhh. Idk if my third eye has been opened or I'm reading too much into this (isn't that always the way), or maybe this was just extremely obvious to everyone else so no one else thought to mention it - but the way Robert Cooke's ghost interacts with Lucy on the Wintergarden staircase really is a perversion of what she's looking for from Lockwood at this point in time, isn't it?

Right before the final manifestation, as Lucy's getting grumpier by the second about Lockwood including Holly too much at the same time as he's kept so many secrets from her, she's musing about how losing Jessica might have impacted his approach toward their jobs, and wondering what it would take for him to really let her in. She observed that Lockwood's approach to ghosts - his approach to emotions, as a parallel that was finally obvious to me on this third read - is always Eradicate the ghost. Don't engage with it. Destroy it. - as in, eradicate the feelings, don't engage with them, destroy them. The emotional safety switch cranked up to eleven.

And then Lucy, misguided, overly compassionate at her own risk, tries to rescue this ghost without considering her own boundaries or limits: But the thing about animals [other people's feelings, or one particularly reticent boy] was, you could tame them. You just had to prove they could trust you. I moved closer, holding out my hand. The whole thing in this interaction is that she can't see the ghost as it really is because she's bringing all these preconceived notions to the table and coming into it with something of a savior complex. Sound familiar?

And she's so desperate to hear the truth, to hear what the ghost - Lockwood - needs; she's thrilled when she seems to be on the verge of accomplishing it, and irritated when Holly and George interrupt. The ghost keeps smiling at Lucy (her obsession with Lockwood's smile - this is what triggered the comparison to me), and it sounds just like Lucy silently begging Lockwood to open up to her after every crumb he gives her: The ghost was smiling at me. If I could just get it to speak again...

Then you've got sort of the reverse of the Hollow Boy going on, as death grows too powerful beside life: And how watery and hesitant my smile was beside the boy's grin. And then, turns out they got it wrong - ack! terror! - but Lucy hears from this ghost a twisted version of what she desperately wants to hear from Lockwood:

Lucy needs to know Lockwood needs her, wants to hear him admit it. (She's not anywhere near ready yet to accept that he wants her; she has some work to do first, untangling all those internalized messages.) She could help him, understand him, if he lets her in - but right now that would be a threat to both of them, in one way or another. I think, to Lockwood, this would be confirmation that he can't open up to Lucy that way - not that he's consciously making the connection, of course, but I still stand by this being the moment he realizes he's in love with her, either when he races up the stairs to save her or when he wakes up after, and for as much as he was shutting Lucy out before, he really starts distancing himself now. And for Lucy, this is when she starts to realize she can't have a life with Lockwood in halves, unfortunately right as he's determined not to need her because of everything her Talent - their emotions - could open them both up to.

Then back to the comparisons with the Hollow Boy coming later, as Lockwood launches a dashing rescue, parallel complete with one half of the pair concussed, even. So I guess that makes two false premonitions/versions of himself he destroys for Lucy in this book (before he gets around to besting the real hollow version of himself for her, but that comes later).

I dunno, I started this post thinking maybe I was adding symbolism where there was none intended, but now I've done a pretty good job convincing myself this is yet another example of intensely brilliant writing from Mr. Stroud that further reveals itself on every reread, my goodness.

Ignoring the discourse, I just wanted to ramble on parts language and our feelings to it as someone who mainly uses it - but honestly "parts" is our preferred term by a long way save for alter when we are talking about things in a more clinical sense.

Personally for us, headmate, sysmate, and similar "roommate" kind of terms actually feel diminishing to the dynamic we have with one another. Headmate and similar terms draw parallels to roommates housemates, aka someone you share a space with - and I totally understand the draw to those terms for those that like to emphasize the individuality of the parts, but personally to call our relationship to one another something similar to people who just share a body / brain / mind / system etc really feels a bit... downplaying the importance we have to one another and the unique dynamic that comes from being parts of a whole.

XIV, Ray, Lucille, Aderis, all the parts in our system feel far more intimate, personal, and tighter bonds than anything like a housemate or a roommate or "someone I am sharing X with" could possibly reach. By nature we all compliment each other and were literally created to support, bolster, accentuate, and cover for one another.

/Separate people in different bodies are not so genuinely and thoroughly made to exist in synergy with one another the same way alters and parts are. Separate people in different bodies, no matter how close and how far back they go, are never going to be as deeply tied with one another the same way parts are / can be - and if they DO - 9/10 times it is likely super codependent and unhealthy where as with alters that tends to be an ideal.

Of course this depends on how you define "separate people" and all so its not a "well I am RIGHT" cause its how we perceive things and the main point in our perception is that to draw parallels to existences of two 'separate people' sharing a space together honestly just... extremely downplays how intrinsically made for one another we are. My relationship with my parts goes deeper than any two people who share a space could ever go because we were literally MADE for one another. It's impossible to compliment me and support me more than the parts in my system because they ARE LITERALLY my other halves.

So headmate and sysmate just.... always feel really downplaying to what we are.

Alters we are okay and chill with, but it honestly feels both sensationalized and very.... artificial for a lack of better words. Using the word "alter" tends to draw my mind to the more fictional media depictions OR solely to minimizing parts to the clinical expression to which it feels a bit dehumanizing - so unless its for convenient shared language or for clinical / just factual references - we tend to prefer parts.

Parts on the other hand really acknowledges just how intrinsically connected and made for one another we are. We really don't think it diminishes our individuality at all (though that might just be because we are decently far in our healing journey that we can simultaneously hold the idea of 'we are parts of a whole' and 'we are valid as individuals with our experiences and can exist and acknowledge ourselves and one another like individuals' very easily together at the same time) or imply anything about us being broken or shattered or anything.

If anything, parts language reminds me that there IS others out there that are there to fill in the gaps in life that I can't do. It reminds me that I am not in this alone and that I'm not SUPPOSED to be in this alone. I am a whole person, but I am not the whole picture and I don't have to try to be the whole picture because one puzzle piece while beautiful on its own - often works many times better when connected with the others.

I dunno, parts language is just a really really positive and healing thing for us. We love it and while we understand it not being for everyone, it means A LOT to us and really nothing negative.

My parts are made FOR me just as I am made FOR my parts. We are literally MADE for one another because we are PARTS of a whole that are MEANT to work with one another and I think that is really beautiful honestly.

How would you describe the dynamic between seosane 🙏

they mean everything to me,, (receiving your question right after i got one that says "yaoi" was very fun for me. yeah thats my yaoi <3) Spoilers for the entire DLC, including whats past the youtube TL! I mention things from Hermit Room. quotes are paraphrased or referenced bc i am too lazy to dig for them.

I have another seosane essay somewhere in drafts but i can't find it rn and it's not edited so you're getting my current stream of consciousness <3

sanemitsu and seodore are two people who, by the end of dlc, have very different perspectives on how to handle the timeline and what should be done. Sanemitsu in particular goes through several perspectives on this, varying from his POV pre-1999, 1999-2015, S root, and S+. They are parallels and narrative foils, and this shapes how they interact with each other.

From their first interactions, they both have something that the other party wants. Seodore promises that Sanemitsu can change things, if they can reach Gods Love. Sanemitsu is critical to changing things (as we see in the start of DLC/S root). You can see them talk about this in record 4, where neither of them will know if Sanemitsu's ability has activated or taken effect. Seodore wants Sanemitsu to use this ability. Sanemitsu resists because he knows that if he changes the past, then he'll lose Reiji. Reiji, who is his number one priority, who he's clinging to as tight as he can.

But they appreciate each other. There's fondness. Their breakfast conversation at the end of DLC highlights that despite them ending up on different perspectives on the past, they still understand each other.

What always stands out to me is in Hermit room, there is a choice that the player can make. The two options are (paraphrased):

Even if we gained something at the end of it, it would have been better if none of it had happened. [better to change the past even if we gained something in the end]

If we gained something at the end of it, then we can't say that it would have been better that none of it had happened. [better that the past happens (good and bad), if we gained something in the end of it]

This choice is both paralleling Sanemitsu's perspective change in S vs S+, and the perspective of Seodore versus Sanemitsu (and System.NH) as two halves of the same whole. They're foils, and remain on good terms despite their differing POVs.

it's about the Metafiction. Sanemitsu doesn't break the fourth wall until after our current point in canon (System.NH is 2019 and also Outside the Timeline). Seodore breaks it ALL the time bc he Knows but doesnt SEE. Tangent but can you tell I really like the metafiction groups. I like System.NH + Seodore + Mutei, I think it's fun.

It's about the quiet things going on in the background. About blood, about factors, about inheritance. The contrast between the domesticity of daily life (seodore canonically makes him breakfast!). It's about "I'll take your hand, Seodore" (PARAPHRASING AGAIN) and things left unspoken. It's about what he says about Seodore in his journal from 1999. (see just before record 4. yt tl doesnt show us whats inside unfortunately).

Also it's SO good that they have other priorities than each other. They both know and are fully aware of this and it's so <33

This is why I like the intro scene to DLC so much too-- they both know that they're dying there. Even if this plan works, even if things change, even if the interaction between the Rainbow Factor Artifact (Malkuth) and Respawn means that there's a chance to save Reiji, then the selves that exist in this moment still die. This is peak yaoi to me.

There is something to be said about how sanemitsu refuses to risk using this power, until the very last moment. He only does so when Reiji is dead and he's lost the last person he wanted to cling to so desperately.

Fun Fact: Seodore has his eyes closed for this entire scene except for ONE frame as sanemitsu raises the blade <3

I realize a lot of this is about them as a duo but not necessarily in a shipping lens oops.

From the lens of them as a COUPLE, they dont talk about it LMAO. They are doing couple things and ignoring their feelings about it bc theyre both still mourning other people. I do think they're the kind of couple who do domestic things like grocery shopping together,, cooking,, sitting around at home,, a casual kind of comfort in each other. The hand holding symbolism gets to me. "ill take your hand" linked with THIS SCENE, RIGHT AFTER THAT LINE. Linked with Sanemitsu's scarred hand only being present in S+ because it comes from killing Seodore. They mean everything to me.

You have no idea how crazy i went when i saw this scene DSALKLKJDSA

This ended up off topic. this all factors into the dynamic of two guys who keep thinking about other things and have a lot going on but can choose to find comfort in each other regardless. i think they should kiss <3

anyways. these are my guys who i love and adore. Seosane forever <3

25 lazarii

so ive been thinking on neils ask and answer about the joint miracle crowley and aziraphale performed. now the way it could read is that the two didn't used to have the power of resurrection/power that is capable of resurrection, but now they do. but could also read that they didn't (as is, retrospectively from now) have the power, because it doesn't belong to them. it's this latter possibility that im going to look at because honestly? the whole thing feels to me a bit OP.

so i realise that it's not necessarily about resurrection as an act, but instead the potential to resurrect. regardless, im going to start from key moments of resurrection as a marker for their abilities:

first notion we have in s1, exactly as neil remarks, is aziraphale is able to revive a dove after warlock's birthday party. originally, this was crowley in the book (and was reportedly swapped for blocking reasons), so im going by the show only in this post to keep consistency:

and this is supported by crowley intimating in the resurrectionist minisode that aziraphale was too late to save morag - that he could only have helped when she was still alive but instead she died whilst aziraphale was dithering:

in fact, to me, the only time i can recall in GO (ie shout at me if wrong) we see anyone successfully resurrected is by adam, and this is marked by the reappearance of my beloved lesley, the international express delivery man:

"Adam had rebooted reality... people who were dead were now alive, and things that were broken were miraculously restored."

the only issue appears to be that crowley now seems to be able to exercise a power of resurrection in s2, where he appears to 'bring back' mr brown, and do so rather confidently as if he always had this kind of power...

this confidence would mirror what he says to shax, here:

although, whilst it may be implied that mr brown was killed by the demon, we only truly see him being hurtled through the air. and, whilst crowley appears to bluff that demons can't hurt humans directly, shax appears to believe him.

now, she could have just come to the resolution that they ought to kill mr brown anyway, rules (fake or not) be damned, but the fact that we don't actually see his death intimates that shax might have just toed the line (the demons yeeted him across the street, but was he technically hurt/killed? was shax responding with her own bluff when saying, "civilian casualty"?)

edit 21/08 - IM SMUG

ergo: was mr brown truly killed in the first place, and therefore did crowley truly resurrect him? i think the majority of people are going to say yes, and i would initially agree, but then we come to the below where crowley appears to have riddled it out:

now it could be a case of s2 giving us the 'what' (they are insanely powerful when working together), but the 'why' (eg. power of being essentially soulmates, love, two halves of the same whole etc.) is what is going to be determined in s3.

but the conclusion that crowley came to (and im thinking entirely with critical-noggin-topped-by-tinfoil-hat head on here) feels a bit odd in the sense that it would be that simple, and doubly-odd that at this point narratively - the series that is meant to set up s3 - that the answer would be given here.

it is a parallel to the fact that crowley and aziraphale seem to work best in cohesion - their body swap proved that somewhat - and the miracle is another example of where working together does work, but neither of them are at the character-development point yet of actually recognising it for what it is and means.

it's definitely the romantic, poetic option - that they are powerful because they do it together - and for that reason i definitely think there's some truth to it, but one of the vibes i got from s2 from multiple set pieces is that things are not initially as they seem. a couple of those things appear to have been resolved (gabriel/beelzebub, for example) but there are a load of chekhov's guns left lying around the metaphorical armoury, and i have to wonder if this is one that we all thought was decommissioned.

i want to also add that the gabriel miracle, in terms of set up, directly mirrors the facing down of satan. a key difference is that in s1, they are holding hands with the literal son of satan, whereas in s2, they are holding hands with a former archangel that doesn't appear to have any power whatsoever:

now, a miracle wasn't performed in the airfield scene (as far as we saw anyway, but potentially not counting adam's ability to retcon papa-dear), but this is directly after aziraphale names adam as 'human incarnate.' furthermore, this incredibly astute observation on the power of names by @rudeaziraphale highlights that adam, by definition of his given name, is meant to be human incarnate, and always was. and then we take into account crowley's line at the end of s1:

"For my money, the really big one is all of us, against all of them."

"What? Heaven and hell, against... humanity?"

so actually, is this what the miracle comes down to? that the power they exhibited is not just crowley and aziraphale together, but them, and humanity binding them together? crowley and aziraphale were always meant to be the same character - we know this from when neil has talked about the initial drafts he sent to terry - but actually are they truly whole without the entity that made them, influenced them, into who and what they are now?

the last thing i'll note is neil's earlier march ask here, which indicates that to bring someone back from the dead is a 'heavier weight than they could lift'. that may well just simply reference that together they could do it, absolutely, but i have to wonder if there is a secret third ingredient in the mix as well.

Hey anon, I have screen-shotted your ask because I am going to try stay out of tag/term searches here, which in an of itself probably answers your question XD

So! Thoughts as they occur to me!

I did give the whole first season a watch. Partly out of giving it a chance, partly out of morbid curiosity, like when you can't look away from something awful happening in front of you even when you really want to close your eyes.

What I think is interesting actually, is that my main issues with the show have somewhat changed since I initially watched it. While watching it my only thoughts were "wrong, wrong, that never happened, wrong, wrong, wrong, look how they massacred my boy (gn), wrong!" And while those thoughts themselves haven't changed my main issues have changed to focus more on how it's such a badly structured story (the timelines feel both stretched and compressed in a way that doesn't add anything to the stories being told) and how I don't think it knows yet what it wants to be (it's Tolkien, but it's its own thing, but it's a 'prequel' in the very modern franchise sense of the word to the PJ films, but it's also not those films).

For the structure, I personally wouldn't have put two major stories into one show. I don't think there's the time for that. Both the Akallabêth and the creation of the rings exist as very sketchy narratives that cover extremely long timeframes. Original content was always going to be needed to fill the gaps. But by putting both tales into the one show, I feel they've doubled the amount of gap filling needed while halving the amount of screentime they have for it because there's now twice the amount of canon to cover (tbf, they don't seem to want canon so maybe that's not an issue for them...). To force them to run simultanously and then add original content that isn't just filling the gaps but appears to be completely original, you end up with a story that is both too empty and too full. Nothing is getting the time it deserves. Big moments feel undeserved or rushed. It takes the wind out of its own sails. (and that's without mentioning that these stories running alongside eachother just throws timelines and motivations out of whack, but I refuse to get us all bogged down in the minutiae of my grumblings!)

It's a pity, the story of the fall of Númenor and the creation of the rings have such good parallels, but that would require them to focus on things like religion and politics etc and they seem to be more interested in mystery boxes, so... oh well?

In regards the show's identity crisis, to be fair to them, that's really not that unusual in first seasons. They're not special XD Let's face it, how often have we all been recommended something that came with the caveat 'you need to get through the first few episodes/first season before it gets good and finds its feet'? Especially fantasy and sci-fi that has to establish facts about the world as well as characters in a way a drama set in the real world doesn't. I wouldn't be shocked to learn that the show hits its stride a bit better in later seasons.

However, my current biggest gripe with the show is what I'm seeing in the writers' attitude to storytelling. I can't stand it. The actor for a certain someone whose name begins with H didn't know who his character really was until after shooting the first few episodes. There's the back and forth of is it H or the guy who fell from the sky who'll turn out to be the villain. Sky man even gets some stalkers whose only purpose was to add confusion to this situation and then be immediately killed, no further context. One of the writers (I don't remember who) when asked about deviations from canon said something to the effect of 'we don't want book fans to be episodes ahead'. It's the modern Marvel school of story-telling. It's mystery boxes and twists and fears of spoilers and people knowing what's coming next. That's not how you tell a story. You need more substance than that. Big moments are only interesting if you've earned them with a well crafted lead up. And what's the point of a big moment if it adds nothing to the story in the first place. They had one of fantasy's most iconic villains, why was there a secret? The Second Age is where he's cracking out his most rediculous long cons. The man's twirling his mustache while kicking up his feet and writing 'evil' into every date in his diary for at least a millenium, what does a secret identity add to this story really?

Don't worry, I will move swiftly on from the topic of my boy who is not really my boy before we get in too deep... No one needs to hear that... But do you get my point? Big reveal. No substance.

To add a note of positivity, I actually really like Sky man's music. It's genuinely a really nice piece of music. I also liked that they wanted to add one of the 'original' orcs, that's a cool concept!

Oh! And whoever okayed those American 'stage-Irish' accents needs to be fired into the sun :D

I do think it's amazing that I've watched this show three times at least from front to season 10 and back and it was the third time (ten years later) that I started loving Sam. I always liked him but as a kid Dean has this shiny appealing sparkle that is hard to ignore, as well as the fact that around season 3 and then arguably after 5 it kinda becomes the Dean Show.

I'm not bitter that boyking arc was abandoned (although I am upset that we seem to have just completely dropped Sam's addiction, like yes he's the mental health boy but also that could've been really cool to expand on) because we got to see the really amazing extreme parallels of family horror in the biblical sense, like the cycle of trauma from the beginning of time with God and his own Sister down to Michael and Lucifer and Cain and Abel down to Sam and Dean like ik it's kinda dramatic but also my favorite thing about this show is that it's constantly mirroring itself

The thing about Sam's character taking a backseat and the idea of Big Deangirlism is that we see fundamental readings of both characters completely misinterpreted. It took me coming to the cesty side to really see a lot of these themes but I think even if I didn't ship them, and say it was purely platonic, the fact is that Sam is often misread and disregarded and Dean is often candy coated into something that only slightly resembles him

And I'm not one to push that there's a correct reading of Canon, or that out of character readings aren't sometimes justified, it's simply that if you don't acknowledge the codependence and the two halves of one whole and the soul mates and the obsessive self destructive selfishness then you are not seeing the characters for who they are, and for a long time I didn't see these things. And now that I do, even as a deangirl I love Sam as Dean would love Sam because that is who he his

And it's completely alien to me now that anyone who claims to be a Dean first wouldn't see Sam this way, it's not possible to disregard him, and yet it seems to happen often

thinking about dirk and farah parallels... i think what's similar between them is that the thing that makes each of them special, their powers (holistic detection and one-woman-army skills) are something that they haven't picked for themselves, that was forced upon them from above (dirk is an angel of the universe's will, and farah is her father's daughter), was demanded they cultivate to unreachable perfection to the (dis)pleasure (dissappointment, disgracre) of their father/-figure (try again, svlad; try harder, farah) — but also it is something they reclaim, and accept, and make theirs within the bounds of the agency. dirk can't help who he is but he chose calling himself a detective, and farah can't help who she is but she chose to open a detective agency. dirk finally has people who can keep him company on inevitable adventures, farah finally has people who appreciate her hard work and skill. they do not change their natures, but instead find — build — a space where they can be accepted; celebrated, even. loved.

there's a post by generalized-incompetence, about how todd's character growth goes along the "take control of your life" message of the show, and farah's along the "you can't control everything" one; repentance vs acceptance. and i agree! i think the two of them as dirk's friends represent the two halves that he, as the story's protagonist and thus the embodiment of everything, must try and balance within himself. it's about the complementing influences, inspiration vs assurance; and i think dirk really is a good influence on farah. being around him helps her accept both herself — feel needed, wanted, validated, accomplished, stretch the muscles she's spent her whole life building — and also the world around her. farah is (less now than at the beginning) a control freak, and every misfortune, big or small, she perceived as a personal failure – she's responsible for people she loves, they depend on her, if patrick gets hurt, if lydia gets hurt, it's her fault, her fault, her fault; she must be in full control of the situation! but with dirk she suddenly finds that she cannot. if he is meant to survive, he will be miraculously saved, and if he's meant to come to harm, he will be bizarrely wounded; dirk moves along a path in the sky larger than life, and farah can only hope to grasp at it, not reign it in. the best she can offer is support; the best she can offer is her best, not perfect. if she is to stick by dirk, the wild, godawful, unpredictable, incomprehensible, incredible dirk, she is to accept that she can't control everything. and so she does. it's not an easy change (the time travel was hard to fit into her worldview, and she still struggles — is still on her path), but a necessary one: she is, after all, one of the imperfect, free, wonderful freaks.

that she makes dirk happier is obvious: he is but a fountain of love, and it spills out of him freely with every bob of his head. but it's important to me to remember that he, too, makes farah happy, genuinely and deeply. there are many opinions in this fandom — about as many as there are fans — on who farah is, what does she want, how does she feel about the agency, and what does the future hold for her; i, personally, am a firm believer that she belongs at the agency. she still has to figure herself out, of course, to complete her arc and grow into herself, unbidden by expectations and blooming (and that's a whole another micro-essay unto itself, so let's table it for now); but joining, funding, opening the agency wasn't a rash decision, or a stepping stone, or a burden — it is a place where she can be, is free to be, wants to be (herself). a place she carved out for herself and her people: a freak hub, where she's the second-in-command freak. i think she's as much glad to be there, and instrumental to "there" existing at all, as todd is. in general, i view all three of them as integral, inseparable, experiencing equally intense affection towards each of the others (even though the flavors may vary from romance to queerplatonic bond to friendship (in that order: brotzly, todd&farah, dirk and farah; yes, i am rather predictable)), supporting equally strong and meaningful relationships. the three of them are a little family, and they all love each other very much :3

I just love the way you write, so gonna pick your brain here: why do you think people are so drawn to Darklina? Is it the tragedy of it? The gothic aspect to it? The darkness (funnily enough) of it? Or is it just the chemistry between the actors? Thoughts?

hi anon, thanks for reading and thanks for the ask! i've been sitting on this for a bit because i don't really ship darklina and thus don't have many thoughts about them but then once i started thinking about them i couldn't stop so here we are.

i can't speak for anyone else but for me personally what i love about this pairing is the tension and symbolism and the epic two-halves-of-a-whole vibe they've got going on and there are also some interesting parallels between darklina and kanej, so despite not actively shipping it, i genuinely think it's one of the most interesting ships in the entire grishaverse and certainly the most complex and complicated relationship alina has.

i'll talk about both the books and the show because i think they each do a good job showing different aspects of their relationship, and i actually kind of think you need to take the books and show together to get the complete picture of this compelling if ultimately doomed ship.

please know, anon, that when i opened this ask, i had planned on a pretty short answer and then i ended up writing 2k words about this because yes, apparently i do have thoughts and yes, that is a threat.

let's dive in.

at its core, darklina is about the attraction and balance between opposites. he summons shadows, she summons light, they're two sides of the same coin, they're made for each other! but then we find out that the darkling is actually manipulating alina, that he's the one who created the fold, that he's her enemy, and instead of sinking the ship, it actually makes it even better because you get that added tension and forbidden attraction between good and evil, between the hero and villain.

in the books, their relationship goes from romantic to adversarial to the mutual understanding that they have a connection to each other that they will never have with anyone else. for all its faults (and there are many), the original trilogy does a fantastic job fleshing out alina's relationship with the darkling and showing the love, the animosity, and above all else, the undeniable pull between them. we really get a sense of alina's acute loneliness and desire to belong somewhere, not just before she discovers her powers, but even after she comes into her power and learns that despite her new tribe with the grisha, she's still different, she's still ultimately alone. it's no wonder then that she would be so drawn to the darkling, who understands her loneliness, who gives her the attention she craves, who looks at her like she is something special. even after she finds out the truth about him, she continues to reach for him through their tether because despite the manipulation and lies, he is still the only one who truly understands the weight that she carries, he is still the only one who truly sees and embraces the darkness within her. he's her mirror image, reflecting not only her capacity for good and her desire to save ravka, but also showing her her darkest desires and instincts.

their relationship doesn't have nearly as much nuance in the show, and i get it, they only had a limited number of episodes, but the decision to turn darklina into a one-sided obsession on the darkling's part in season 2 was a big misstep in my opinion. in the books, their relationship is built on a mutual longing between both of them and even when alina finally kills him, she still grieves for him, says his name, and sees him through his final moments so he's not alone at the end. i've written before how much i love the subversive ending of ruin and rising and i especially love the closure we get in the relationship between alina and the darkling. it's a pyrrhic victory, not a triumphant one, and the darkling's death is very much a loss for alina. she does not kill him because of vengeance or to save the world, she kills him as a mercy, to put an end to his relentless suffering. the final book also acknowledges, crucially, that while the evil is ultimately defeated, this evil was not some monster or demon but a flesh and blood man, a boy.

in the books, alina is in her late teens and while the darkling is centuries old, he looks to be only a few years older than her. i understand why they chose to age up the characters on the show and ben barnes is fantastic as the darkling, but the fact that they were visibly closer in age in the original trilogy means there was less of an overt power imbalance between them because while the darkling was still the leader of the second army, he was also a bit more approachable due to his appearance of youth. not only that, their relationship in the books has an innocence that it doesn't really have in the show because a 17 year old girl being friendly and flirting with a 20 year old boy is fundamentally different from a 25 year old woman pursuing a relationship with a 39 year old man.

a younger darkling is also SO much more tragic, especially since his entire character can be summed up in this absolute banger of a quote from ruin and rising: in this moment he was just a boy - brilliant, blessed with too much power, burdened by eternity. the tragedy of the darkling is that he was forced to bear the burden of his power and persecution when he was just a boy and he had to continue bearing that burden for centuries, and it's so much more tragic to see a life cut short at 20 vs 40 because of that innocence that we associate with youth, even if that youth is an illusion and even (and especially) if that innocence is a lie. the tragedy of the darkling is that he had so much power but at his core, he was just a lost, lonely boy, and it makes him a much better foil for alina because, had she not lost her power in the books, she may have gone down the same path and that quote could have just as easily applied to her.

now, having said all this, the show, for all it faults (and there are also many), does a much better job (more so in season 1) of humanizing the darkling. part of that is just due to the books being written in alina's POV, meaning we never really know how the darkling actually feels, so being able to see the darkling's actions and motivations through a more objective perspective in the show goes a long way in fleshing out his character. the other part is, of course, ben barnes and the way he highlighted the tragedy in the darkling's story and tried his best to elevate the character above a typical villain, despite the season 2 script doing him no favors. in the books, we only see the darkling through alina's lens so we don't ever truly know how he actually feels about her, but the show makes it very clear that the darkling's feelings for alina are real. maybe it starts out as manipulation, but the power imbalance between them very quickly turns in her favor as it becomes clear that he needs her, desperately, in a way that she doesn't really need him. alina may have felt lonely for 20-some years of her life, but for the darkling, it's been centuries. it's centuries of loss and persecution that have made him who he is, and it's no wonder then that he would be drawn to alina, a literal light in the darkness, and see her as his salvation.

as i mentioned earlier, the show makes their relationship much more one-sided with the darkling refusing to let alina go, even after she hurts him, even as she hates him. in their final confrontation after the fold, he knows she is there to kill him, but when his nichevo'ya has her by the throat, he tries frantically to stop it because in spite of everything he's done, all the atrocities he's committed, the one thing he will never do is kill her. he certainly doesn't deserve a pat on the back for this and his behavior towards her is objectively bad and creepy, but it also shows just how all-consuming his desperation is. after centuries of searching, he has finally found someone who is like him, and he cannot bring himself to give her up, no matter the cost to himself, no matter the cost to her. it's incredibly selfish, but it's also achingly human.

in the books, we don't really see this desperation until the end of ruin and rising when alina loses her power and the darkling realizes that he is now truly alone, that he has no longer has an equal, and alina herself realizes that his pain will be endless. in the show, we see this theme - his desire and his need for her - woven throughout his interactions with alina from the very beginning, culminating with her death at his hands, albeit under very different circumstances than the book.

this is why i say that the books and show complement each other when it comes to darklina - with the books, you see how alina was drawn to the darkling and how she genuinely cared for him in spite of everything, and in the show, you see how the darkling was drawn to alina and how desperate he was to save her from following in his footsteps.

there's even a set of complementary quotes that perfectly encapsulate why this ship is so compelling and why it's so doomed.

in ruin and rising, you have the darkling saying you might make me a better man and alina answering and you might make me a monster.

and in 2x08, you have the darkling saying let me be your monster. let me carry the hatred of this world. who will be there to save you? and alina answering, i will save myself.

the allure of darklina is that it's about finding the one person who makes you feel less alone, the one person who can save you and destroy you in equal measure, the one person who sees and accepts you as you are, even the worst parts of you.

the tragedy of darklina lies with the darkling, because he is driven by pain and loss and the desire to escape both of those things. this is a man who will never allow himself to love someone more than he fears the pain of losing them, and he only allows himself to love alina because he believes he will never lose her to the ravages of time, he only allows himself to love her because he thinks he will be safe from pain with her. now compare him to sankta neyar, another character who has also lived and lost for centuries. as i previously wrote about here, the darkling views love as a weakness while neyar views it as a strength, and it is because of this (and, you know, the atrocities) that he ultimately loses alina. and despite how much alina resists him, the darkling is unable to let her go, unable to stop himself from trying to save her, even when she makes it clear that she does not want or need him to do so. the tragedy of darklina is that this is the only way he knows how to love her.

now, let's look at kanej, which has more than a few similarities with darklina. much like the darkling and alina, kaz and inej also have twin traumas, they also understand each other in a way that no one else does, they have also seen and accepted the worst parts of each other. like calls to like applies to them just as much, and even the r&r quote fits them perfectly as inej does make kaz a better man and kaz does make inej a monster. in six of crows, kaz tells oomen, who stabbed inej, my wraith would counsel mercy but thanks to you, she’s not here to plead your case and in 2x08, we see kaz offering to buy out kesh and any other indentures after inej asked him to consider it in 1x01 (gifset here). and it's kaz who teaches inej to kill, who gives her the tools she needs to survive in the barrel, culminating in her vicious threat to pekka rollins at the end of crooked kingdom and her declaration that they destroy him in 2x03 when she finds out pekka killed kaz's brother.

kanej is such a great foil for darklina because where darklina said you might make me a better man and you might make me a monster, kanej said we will make each other better, and we will be monsters together. kaz and inej each put in the effort to overcome their respective traumas in order to be together and they each do violent, unsavory things in order to protect the other, and despite the fact that both crooked kingdom and 2x08 end with inej leaving, it's clear that the two of them will find their way back to each other in time.

alina doesn't end up making the darkling a better man, though on the show, she does become a monster, for mal by using merzost to bring him back, and for ravka, by using the shadow cut to kill the fjerdan spy. it's a really fitting evolution of her character on the show and the natural progression of her relationship with the darkling, that she would defeat him only to become him in the end.

as i said at the top of this, i don't actively ship darklina, but i am fascinated by the tension and complexity of their relationship and i love how the book canon and show canon build on each other to give us a complete picture of these two individuals who are so similar yet so different at the same time. they're parallel lines who will never cross. they're the sun and moon who can never share the same sky. they're the perfect tragedy.

14 again, but this time “Meat or Candy” interpreted as narrative philosophies rather than the halves of the epilogues

aghhh this is so mean!!! i've always read the meat/candy dichotomy as sides of the same coin rather than two discrete narrative philosophies, and homestuck itself as a structural exploration of various ways to balance/unbalance the split. picking between one or the other is like picking between air & water!

i certainly write godfeels with an eye towards finding a balance. serious drama needs to be offset by goofy comedy, cool anime fight scenes need to be offset by cursed bullshit or drydick exposition. chapter 8 especially is meant to be a tonal roller coaster. 'the shadows left behind' for instance is an almost 40,000 word long section about a depressed idea slowly clawing back personhood from their out of control death drive. there's murder attempts, there's suicide attempts, there's gore, there's psychological torture-- it's some of the heaviest shit i've ever written! and yet that same chapter also contains some of the funniest shit i've ever written. a story like this NEEDS that kind of variation to maintain reader interest, otherwise you get bogged down in seriousness or get so sucked up into lightheartedness that you lose all sense of substance.

like that's very much the reason ch8 ends with an epilogue full of jargon and exposition and obtuse metaphysics. i knew, at the close of ch8 act 5, that we were finally opening the door to what i consider The Good Shit. but it wouldn't be right to jump straight from that endpoint to where 3.2A begins. from an archival reading perspective, you need a palate cleanser to pull you back out from the thick of it and re-examine everything that just occurred from the outside. within the rest of ch8 there is a constant ebb and flow between meat tendencies and candy tendencies; what the epilogue reveals is that it was all candy in some sense, because it was functionally one extremely long action scene. it does this by serving as the meaty parallel, something much closer in tone and purpose to the author-insert sections of homestuck proper. it's meant to feel tedious and tantalizing at the same time, something you have to eat slowly and chew on to properly digest after the insane fast pace of [s] saturday. and even the epilogue swings back and forth between funny and serious! it's meat/candy all the way down!!

i suppose like any red-blooded american of the toonami generation, i have the most fun as a writer when i'm indulging myself in the candy of dumb anime bullshit. most of 'the shadows left behind' was back-constructed from the scene where Dare's "body" gets impaled and cut to shreds by X and they just keep walking towards it anyway. especially that moment where X tries to swallow them a second time, and Dare grabs it by the jaws and throws it off-- that whole sequence popped into my head and suddenly it clicked for me, oh shit, Dare is the secret shonen anime protagonist of godfeels! everything beforehand was a prelude to that moment when June really sees Dare for the first time, asks if they're real, and they shout defiantly, YES!!!

probably every writer does this to an extent, where they write towards some cool/interesting shit they can't get out of their head. there's a temptation to just go there, just get to the good stuff, because ultimately it's what you're there for and you KNOW the audience is gonna lap it up. but if you give in to that temptation and just string together all those keystone moments with bare-minimum bridging material, you paradoxically rob those moments of all their meaning and energy. did 'the shadows left behind' need to be 40,000 words long in one go? probably not. but i don't think the final culmination of that story would have hit nearly as hard otherwise.

you need meat to sell the candy. i wanted 3.2 A1 for instance to be much shorter than it wound up being, because god damn it i want to get to The Good Shit already!! but i realized very quickly that everything i wanted to get to would be poorly served by a cast of characters whose reasons for participating are murky at best. so i decided to invest in more of those meaty chapters between jade and various characters, which themselves needed their own fluctuating balance between meat tendencies and candy tendencies. from a structural standpoint it sort of becomes a meat/candy fractal, as each subdivision of each narrative unit has to maintain the same relative push-pull frequency that the entire fic as a whole does. does that make sense? i have no idea if that makes sense lmao.

anyway that's my take on the meat/candy split. hope it was satisfying u_u