Klaus : I think the 7 of us should start a survival Minecraft world together

Five : No

Klaus : You could just say you hate me

Remus: I'm going to order a leather jacket to steal Sirius's identity.

Sirius: I could never be replaced.

Remus: yeah, can't grow any taller either *smirks*

Sirius: you can't keep using height to win arguments *rolls eyes*

Remus: I'm sorry what? I can't hear you from down there.

Remus, leans down: can you say that again?

Sirius:...fuck you

Remus: you already are *smirks*

Things my friends have said as marauders quotes pt. idk

Sirius: Lesbian sex

James:

James: What-

James: I'm texting with my hot sexy murderer boyfriends, and then you come here with lesbian sex wtf

Sirius: I'm watching black swan

Sirius: and there's lesbian sex

James: Ohhhhh that makes sense

Even More Criminal Minds as Things My Friends Have Said:

Hotch: I’m going to take this affidavit and shove it up your ass

Rossi: I don’t care about international law

Emily: Every once in a while, an intelligent thought comes out

Morgan: Don’t be communist, go to rodeos

JJ: You both have this argument and I think it’s bad.

Garcia: Do you think anybody’s every tried to use a balloon as a condom?

Reid: Idk why you would waste your tears after when you could just cry during

Sirius: As I child I didn’t like naps or being spanked… now I like both.

James: …

"SOMEONE has to be the first person killed by a sex robot. It could be you!"

- ian's group is goofing around post-DSR clear (grats ian)

Can't stop thinking about how my friend watched me scrolling through tumblr and thinking Wylan's name is pronounced W-Lan (pronounced Weeelan aka the german way to say wifi)...like I just burst out laughing because this was so hilarious!

"The Sex Lives Of College Girls" Incorrect Quotes But It's Things That My Friends Have Said

Kimberly: You gave someone chlamydia?! Leighton: I gave someone the night of their life. Chlamydia was an added bonus.

Alicia: Would you still love me if I was a worm? Leighton: No. But I wouldn't stomp on you as hard to kill you with my shoe.

Whitney: *with Bela slung over her back like a potato sack* I hope that you realize that what you just did was the epitome of stupid? Bela: Yes, but it was also funny. And at the end of the day, I think that wins!

Ginger: I want to be healthy! Let me be healthy! Let me be a health bitch!

Tova: Why do I always have to be the rational one with you people?Kimberly: Because nobody listens to me. Keep up.

Alicia: I love that I hated you when we first met. But now we're besties! Nico: You hated me-

Ginger: I feel unsafe. Leighton: And I feel hungover but I'm not complaining!

things my friends have said as the mysterious benedict society characters [pt. 1]

Kate: go grab a random fellow and befriend them. if that doesnt work, force them into submission >:)

Kate, drinking boba: im sucking up sum balls *laughs* Reynie: *chokes* Constance: whats so funny? everyone sucks its balls. especially when you suck it using the straw. Constance, pointing at the dropped math homework: why is the math spilling everywhere?! Reynie, frowning: Sorry Constance, I can't stop the leak. Sticky: what- Constance: This is like the stuff i watch at pornhub. Reynie: YOU WATCH PORN HUB??? Constance: yeah with kate. Kate: Constance, we talked about this.. you werent going to rat me out until AFTER we convince sticky to watch it then blame it on him. Reynie: HoLd Up WHAT

Kate, jumping up and down: GUYS! Reynie: ?? Kate: If helium makes balloons float.. does that mean if we fill car tires with helium, cars can fly?! Sticky: Actually.. no, that'll just make the tires lighter. Constance: You shouldn't have ruined it for her. now we dont get to see her disappointment when she tries it out. Kate: *smacks constance*

Kate: *grabs constance's milk box* Kate: *hesitates, then puts it back* Reynie: *raises eyebrow* why'd you put it back- Kate: *looks at constance dead in the eye* didnt wanna steal from a tiny innocent child. Reynie: kate- run. Constance: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

I have a friend who is the sweetest person alive, the type of person who gets repeatedly scammed or tricked because she can't conceive that people may have bad intentions.

But she has trouble expressing herself verbally, to hilarious and sometimes horrifying results.

Like the time she texted the group chat:

"Guys, do any of you like collecting bugs?"

"Because I found her dead on the sidewalk"

"she's still in great condition"

And we were like wtf?! call the police?!

She meant a butterfly. She found a dead butterfly and wanted to see if any of us wanted it for, like, art. But our native language does not require sentences to have a subject bc there's different suffixes for gender and plural/singular. So the way she worded it sounded like she just found a female human corpse and was really nonchalant about it.

Random Person: CHEESE CAKE SUCKS!!🤘

James, gets sad: but whats wrong with cheesecake? I like cheesecake...

Random person: IT JUST SUCKS! IF YOU LIKE IT THEN YOU S-

Regulus with a knife: finish that sentence. See where that leads you.

Random person: *nearly shits themselves and quickly runs away*

Regulus, puts away knife: nothing's wrong with cheesecake, love. Wanna go grab a slice?

James: *nods head*

“It doesn’t matter if you’re right if you’re gunna be a fuckin problem about it. Isn’t that the moral of House?” -Trie

my friends are very quotable people so i have started writing down funny things they say and i can’t decide if i want to write some marauders fanfiction and use their quotes in the fic or if i should just do one of those ‘the marauders as things my friends have said’ posts bc some of the quotes are great for that but other ones had the potential to be so funny with more context. for example one of them is “I don’t know I don’t follow cats around to see who they are fucking” which i feel like would be absolutely hilarious in a jegulus fic bc reggie is a black cat and it feels so much like something remus would say to Sirius about Reggie and James together, but then there are ones like “call me cardiac the way I be arrested” and that one just scream Sirius and doesn’t need context to make it funny. either way something has to be done with them bc they need to see the light of day

Me and my friends but make it Marauders.

How I imagine Barty and Regulus’ friendship would look like 😈

"Why? Because instead of brain cells I have weapons-grade shitposting"

The goal of polyamory is to build the ultimate trivia team