#the last two weeks were really bad but i'm on the mend now
Note
ASKS ARE OPEN BLESS
anyways!!
jax w a milf reader. mommy kink.
okay, i got quite a few requests for something like this, so i decided to write something small to test the waters...... ehmm i dont feel very confident in this department, but if the feedback is good, then i will write a part two. ☺️
tags: sub!jax , vibrators, overstim, mommy kink, light bondage.
"L.. Look, y/n.. I already apologized to gangle— zooble and .. kinger just.. let me out of this crap, yeah?" Jax tried to use his usual charm on you but it was becoming painstakingly clear that you didn't care. You simply hummed in response and this only made him that much more agitated.
After all, it wasn't every day he was literally tied up to the headboard of his own bed.
"Mhm, mhm.. and that's what you said last week Jax... and.. the week before that.." You smiled and straddled his lap and he grunted, shifting a little.
"Yeah, and? Ever heard of having fun toots?" He said and studied your expression.
"Oh, suure.. in fact, I think this will be lots of fun after all." You trailed a hand down his chest. Slowly removing the straps of his overalls, allowing them to fall down his shoulders. You watched him closely, but he looked to the side. Avoiding your gaze as heat crept on his cheeks.
"Y.. Yeah, but not when I'm .. tied up doll, heh— d.. don't you think this is a bit much?" Jax swallowed, trying his best to control himself, but his body was actively giving him away.
"Too much? I think it's just fine.." You rocked your hips a little and you could feel the bulge pressing against your thigh. "See?" You chuckled, "You're usually much more confident Jax.. what's going on, hmm? Mommy making you nervous?"
"You wish, babe." His hands tugged at the resitraints once again, "A—And you can't blame me for getting turned on.. tied up or not you're still hot. But, this ain't my thing doll." He said in a frustrated tone and you removed yourself from his lap, leaving his bulge out in the open no longer hidden between the valley of your thighs.
"Too bad, Jax. This is punishment you know. For causing so much chaos in the circus. My poor little gangle, do you really love making her cry that much?" You spoke while digging in your bag of 'toys'. Jax was actively trying to pull against his restraints and see what you were grabbing. "Look I already said I was sorry, what more do ya want from m—"
You were walking back towards him with something behind your back and Jax squinted. ".... whats that?"
You hummed and yanked his overalls down, slipping them from under beneath him. "You'll see."
"Just be a good boy and stay still for me," Jax shuddered at your words unconsciously, he couldn't think of any smart remark when he watched your pretty hands pull his dick from its confines, he was already semi-hard.
"Nnh.." He gasped as you attached a egg vibrator to the base of his cock right along one of the veins that protruded from his girth. You didn't waste time in turning it on the medium setting, with the little remote you held in your hands. A smirk playing on your lips.
His ears immediately shot up and his pupils got small, "W.. What the h- hell..!" He jolted, his hips bucked forward as pleasure coursed through his body without warning.
"How's that feel hmm? Nice and snug?"
"Th.. this is nothin'— ghhk..!" He tensed up again as you switched the setting to its highest, the buzzing sound got louder as it stimulated his dick, which was completely hard and standing at attention now.
"Shhh, that's it." You climbed next to him and stroked his chest. Your fingers tip toed down to his hard shaft and fingers danced around the tip which was already dripping with precum. "You can take it right? After all, I did promise Ragatha I would help mend her dress this afternoon.. so stay here and be a good boy for me okay?"
"W.. What you.. you aren't gonna— ngh.. leave me here right? C-Come on doll, hh— mmf!" You shoved your panties into his mouth. "Found these in your room too." You smiled, it was warm and gentle. Completely contradicting your actions.
"And to answer your question, yes, this is punishment remember dear?"
"Now, if you cum before I get back.. well, this will not the be the worse thing you go through.~"
You switched it down to the medium setting, just enough to keep him going but not enough to get him there completely. He groaned and pulled against the resitraints as you walked out of the door, shutting and locking it behind you.
Jax shuddered and bucked his hips against the vibrator, his eyes getting glossy from the stimulation.. all he could do was sit there and take it. His moans muffled by the underwear in his mouth.
About 45 minutes went by before you entered the room again, Jax immediately perked up, his eyes were glossy from crying and his hands were trembling beneath the restraints. The once sassy bunny was being reduced to whining and begging mess before your eyes. And it was absolutely delicious..
"Hmm? Something you wanna say?" You said and sat next to him on the bed, removing the gag gently from his mouth he began to beg before the gag was even fully out.
"Pl.. please, please... y/n.. l... let me cum.. f..fuck.." He whimpered , but still couldn't face you. It was too embarrassing but he couldn't take it, he was so close but this wasn't enough to push him over the edge.
"Oh? Now you wanna be nice? Gonna look at me, little bunny?" You said and tilted your head a little, trying to catch his gaze.
He finally looked you in the, feeling more pathetic than ever. "Mm...mommy.. please... j..just let me come.."
Now you were a little taken aback, either he was extremely easy to break or... he was actually more into this then he was letting on. You felt your stomach do flips , being called mommy by the one person in the circus who seemed the most against it was invigorating.
"Hmm.. I'm not convinced. Beg some more and I'll let you come baby." You leaned in and placed a kiss on his jaw, trying your hardest to keep your hands off of him. This was for punishment , he didn't deserve that yet.
He looked frustrated by your demands but that was quickly wiped away by the pleasure that washed over him again as he got closer to his climax once more. Unfortunately it he didn't comply it'd probably fizzle out again.
"Nnhg.. please, please.. mommy... need to cum.. please.. i.. ill be a good boy.. pr-promise.." Suddenly the vibrator was turned up to high and he immediately came like clockwork, ropes of cum shot from his angry tip and all over his chest. He groaned and panted, his body trembling from the release.
"Mmn.. there you go, not so hard was it..?" You smiled and turned the vibrator off, giving him a chance to finally relax his body. "Such a good boy for me.. think you can take some more, hmm..?"
"Mmn.. w-won't tell anyone..?" He said, still strung out from his high.
"It'll be our little secret.~" You purred.
#the amazing digital circus#ask#jax tadc#sub!jax#submissive!jax#jax x reader#eeee i hope this ok#🫣🫣🫣🫣
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Have not been saying much for a while because everything is hard.
I. My BiL has had c diff three times now and after the third time the oncologist decided to take a damn the torpedoes approach because they were wasting weeks that should have been devoted to chemo because he was too sick and too weak to withstand outpatient treatment. I haven't seen him irl since December but my mom says he looks rough and if his immune system is so messed up that he keeps getting c diff idk that I really want to visit him. What if I get him sick?
All of this is background to me, though, because mostly I'm invested in my sister. She wants to divorce him. He needs to be better enough that she won't face ostracization for doing so. I am invested in him getting better enough for that to proceed for her sake.
II. Something about my relationship with my mom has been bothering me and I finally figured out what it is: everything is equally important to her. She doesn't prioritize anything. If I am having a tough time and ask for help she'll say "well I'm busy every day this week but I can come over next week in Thursday for ninety minutes" and then when she comes over I ask her what she was up to, both to make conversation and because I'm nosy, and it's like... she volunteered for a clothing drive at the synagogue. She went grocery shopping. She went to a farmer's market. Thanks for fitting me into your schedule, I guess! Glad to know I am on the same level as farm fresh tomatoes.
III. I have been having a really tough time of it for the last few months. The vacation in Mexico was... Not restful. Shane had a seizure on the plane and I spent the first two days managing logistics related to that (and navigating the extra ~$2k I spent covering his medical costs while on the trip). His back is still fucked up almost two months later and so I get to do extra housework and chores because he can't lift or bend without being in pain.
IV. Resultant to III, I had a really awful period of about a month with an online friend who started being super short and terse with me because I've been around online less. It was really clear he felt like I was ditching him to go hang out with my cool friends or something, instead of the reality of the situation: I'm cleaning litter boxes and doing yard work and changing the sheets on the bed aka #livingthedream. I told him about all the stuff that was going on but it was clear he didn't believe me or resented my absence nevertheless. This came to a head with me basically texting him an essay about why he was being a bad friend. In a turn of good news, he listened, and apologized, and we mended fences. That was nice because I just don't know how much more bad news I can take right now.
V. I've been struggling with work but really it's just. My boss. My coworkers like me. My project sponsors like me. My skip level likes me. My exec likes me. It's just him. We don't have a good relationship and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know that it is fixable. This is a problem because this is the guy I need in my corner to advance my career and I don't know that he'll do that for me. The alternative is leaving my company, which sounds attractive on paper but in practice the job market is so so bad and it's just so discouraging. The idea of a new job sounds incredible. I wish I could do that. Maybe even a career change.
VI. Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen because of financial pressures. NGL, as much as I like my house (and I do -- I love its little windows, I love my pink dining nook and green bedroom, I love the mature fruit trees and pretty backyard full of wildflowers), I wish i had the cash in hand, instead. I feel trapped here, and like I'm making the most of it. That's a shit feeling to have.
VII. I've started regaining weight. Not a lot. Fifteen pounds since October. But it's scaring me. It's making me wonder if this whole surgery thing was pointless because I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to eat myself to death. So I'm trying to beat it back without resorting to "diet culture behaviors" (read: disordered eating) and that's tough.
There could be a separate post for things that are going well perhaps, but this is what's going not so well and it feels like a lot. Sometimes it feels like too much.
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a/n: requested by @mischivana " can you please do 2, 6, 8, 10, 12, or 48 either jason or connor. or 24 or 44 (or both) with jason. can you make them x mortal reader cause there really isn't enough mortal reader stuff around and I've been craving it, thank you!!!! " i've done this for jason since i haven't written much for him, so i hope you enjoy! my past two things for him have been very sad, so this is a bit happier lol
warnings: minor injury detail
prompts: "Don't worry; it hurts a little less each time." and "I love you and it terrifies me."
gn reader
What Are You So Afraid Of? - Jason Grace
Midnight. There's a crash downstairs.
You jolt up in your bed, heart pounding. It's silent for a moment, and you start to think that you might just be hearing things, but then there's another. Louder, closer. Heavy. With your heart racing, you grab the nearest thing you could use as a weapon - a stuffed teddy, for heaven's sake - and stand on tired legs.
There's a bang on your door, and you jump. You should call the police, but your bones feel locked with terror. You can't bring yourself to reach for your phone. This is perhaps the worst time for your parents to be away.
Another bang, and a rattle of your door handle, and the intruder stumbles in. All at once, they fall into your wardrobe with a series of curses and shouts, and you launch the teddy bear at them. It gets the expected result, simply bouncing off the intruder's header, and it's then that you notice who it is.
"Jason?"
"Yours truly," the intruder groans.
"What -?"
He makes a gasping sound as he steps forward, and you can only see his shadowed form as it stumbles. Immediately, you rush over, catching him under the arms and dragging him over to your bed, laying him over top of your dishevelled covers.
"Watch your eyes," you say before flicking your bedside lamp on.
He curses again when the light switches on, covering his eyes with a bruised and bleeding arm. Already, there's blood on your bed sheets.
"What happened?" you demand.
Jason shifts slightly, getting as comfortable as he can as you check him over for other injuries. Besides his arm and a gash on his leg, he's seemingly all right, but the amount of blood is making you nervous.
"On a quest."
"Yeah, I guessed. But what happened? Haven't you taken some ambrosia?"
His arm moves now, and his eyes slowly adjust to the dim light of your room. Though bloodshot, they still gleam a gorgeous glittering blue that has you almost transfixed. You catch yourself before you get distracted, rifling around in your nightstand for the little first aid kit you keep in there for situations like this.
"Ran out," he says quietly. "You've still got some here, right? I think I left some last time."
You pull it out just as he asks, wordlessly passing him a chunk of the godly food. It's sat in your drawer for a few weeks now - somehow it hasn't gone off - and you're glad that you forgot about it. As a demigod, the ambrosia helps Jason heal, but if you, a mortal, were to eat it, you'd likely combust into flames and die. If it always smells as good as it does now, you're eternally grateful for your bad memory. You probably would've been a pile of burnt ashes had you remembered.
"Fighting some monsters at North Beach, but they got some good hits in." He looks over at you then, noting the horrified expression on your face at how easily he speaks about being almost killed. "Don't worry; it hurts a little less each time."
"That's supposed to make me feel better? Jason! You're bleeding everywhere!"
He waves his hand nonchalantly and plasters on a smile, but you notice the way the pain he's in makes the scar on his lip twitch. "I'm all right, (name). Promise. just needed some ambrosia. I'll be healed up in no time."
You watch carefully as the blood slowly stops flowing, and the skin gradually mends itself back together. Begrudgingly, you shove the first aid kit back into your nightstand.
"I can't stay long," Jason says, closing his eyes for a moment. "I can't put -"
"Me in danger, yes I know. Son of Jupiter and everything." Kneeling beside the bed, you resist the urge to take his hand in yours and squeeze it, more for your own comfort than his. "You can't just walk back to your camp from here in the middle of the night. It's too dangerous. You always say monsters are more dangerous at night."
"I'll be fine."
"Jason."
His eyes open again, locking onto yours. Fifteen years old, and already those eyes hold more than they should have. You've seen your fair share of things in that same amount of time, but you can't even begin to think what life as a demigod could entail. What it could do to a person. Already, they hold more memories and horrors than they really should.
"I can't risk your life, (name)," he insists.
"You and your saviour complex! You're staying here tonight. You can head back in the morning when I can call you a taxi."
"You could call me one now."
"Absolutely not."
"(name) -"
"I won't hear any more about it," you say.
You grab the spare blanket you keep in your wardrobe, wrap it around your shoulders, and pull the duvet on your bed over Jason until it reaches his chin. He could easily move and hinder the process, but he stays still. You've got a feeling that he doesn't mind being taken care of sometimes. Not when he's usually the one taking care of others.
"Get some sleep," you tell him, sitting on top of a pillow beside the bed. "You have to be exhausted."
He shakes his head and rolls onto his side so he can face you. "I want to make sure you're all right."
"I'm not the one that was attacked tonight."
"That could change."
You give him a look. "Jason, I've been fine every other time you've come here. What are you so afraid of? In all the time we've known each other, no monsters have shown up at my door."
He goes quiet then, and you worry that you've pushed too hard. Jason may be in charge of the camp he stays at, but you know how hard it all is for him, what with being the son of the king of the gods. He's lonely, and you're well aware that his coming to see you, whether it be after a quest or just on a whim, allows him to escape that life. But always with the monsters, the warnings. He's never stayed more than an hour, afraid he'll get you killed, but you want more than that. You need more than that. You don't want to spend the rest of your life waiting for him to appear, just for him to leave so soon.
"I'm sorry," you murmur. "I just -"
"I love you," he interrupts, "and it terrifies me."
The rest of your sentence gets stuck in your throat, and for a moment you can't breathe.
He looks away, the lamplight reflecting in the bright blue of his eyes. "I've loved you for months. Ever since we met, really, when you accidentally saved me from a bunch of monsters following me in the Legion of Honor and told me that I needed to brush my teeth if I was going to get so close to you. But I'm - I'm scared of losing you."
Your hands are shaking a little. "You're not going to lose me."
"I don't want to risk that," he says. "I don't remember my family - my mom and sister. I've known nothing but being a demigod all my life. But you help me forget about it all and pretend that I'm a normal kid for a little while. I don't want to lose that or you. But me being here puts you in danger."
"Jason..."
"You don't need to feel the same." He still won't look at you. "I just needed you to know."
"Will you look at me?"
He struggles with himself for a moment, but eventually, he turns his head, fixing his gaze on yours. With a shaky hand, you find his beneath your duvet cover and squeeze gently, offering the best smile you can manage.
"I do feel the same," you say. "And, I've been safe all this time. I'll stay that way regardless if you stay a few more hours, okay?"
He doesn't look entirely convinced, but still, he nods and says, "Okay. But just this once."
"Like hell it'll be just this once."
A soft laugh escapes his lips. "I'll keep you safe."
"Of course, you will, Jase."
Even still, it takes barely ten minutes for him to doze off peacefully, smiling so softly that it makes your heart feel warm. You don't let go of his hand, ensuring that even in sleep he knows you're still there. And you press a soft kiss to his forehead as you switch your lamp off, praying that this wasn't all a dream or some figment of your imagination.
I love you. The words still echo in your mind, even as you eventually fall asleep, head fallen on the pillow his own rests on.
I love you.
#jason grace x reader#hoo jason x reader#hoo x reader#heroes of olympus x reader#heroes of olympus fanfiction#heroes of olympus#hoo fanfiction#jason grace fanfiction#jason grace#x reader#fanfiction#givema-dam-break
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ok I just really need to rant and I really don't have anyone to talk to rn and i'm just feeling really bleeeeeeh you know?
I have a group of new york friends (I live in cali) who I spend a lot of time with, we play games together, watch movies and all that stuff. we're even planning a group trip soon and I really want to meet them. We've known each other for years and we've done lots of secret santas and everything. There's one person (who i'll call S). We were close, we had a lot in common and we got along great. We shared struggles together and could talk easily with each other. He had revealed he had a crush on me. (this is in 2020 during covid) I'm a very touch heavy person and one of my love languages. Him living in new york would be really hard. but he's a nice guy and I have a lot of fun with him so I agreed to a 'date' so we had a valentines date over video call and discord. and while I like him, I just don't think I felt the same and again, I really did NOT want to do a long distance relationship. so I turned him down and things were okay for awhile. Then a couple weeks past and I had mentioned that I went on a date with someone (i did NOT enjoy the date btw) but it set him off and he needed some space. which I totally get and understand!!
so back to now I don't really remember what mended our friendship but we were close again and have been for a few years now. I consider him my best friend. out of everyone in our group I felt like I could be real with him with my depression and anxiety. not that I can't with the group but I just felt he always understood me the best, considering he deals with it too. For the last two years we've gotten closer, we'd send stuff to each other, we did buddy reads, like typical?? best friend things. But recently I have felt a little? smothered by him, constantly asking me if my anxiety was acting up or whatever and it's like i'm glad you care but like if I needed help I would go to you, you don't have to ask me everyday you know? and then I was getting worried that he was relying on ME to much. which of course, i'm glad to help but it felt so overwhelming sometimes because I can't help all that much besides give advice, and try to comfort him. and the point is that I wanted him to be able to reach out to other people but it felt like he was dumping it all on me and I was starting to not be able to help bc it felt like I was just repeating myself over and over again you know?
anyway I needed to ask him if he was having feelings for me again because I could start to tell. he had told me no and then I asked if he was lying and then he told me no. but then he didn't talk to me for a few days and in my head i'm like. ok so you lied to me. but a few days later he was back to normal and i'm like...so we're just?? gonna ignore that? okkkkkkk.
and then in chat I mentioned that I had given my number to a cute guy at the boba shop. (I wrote my name and number on a napkin, gave it to him and then ran away bc i'm a big baby). this had set him off because that is that last time I heard from him. the guy never even texted me back (which of course made me feel bad since i'm really insecure about my appearance right now). the thing that I hate the most is that he ghosted me. Our other mutual friend had to tell me that he's taking a break from our discord server. and it sucks. and then it brings me back to all the times we shared and it's like??? did you only do those things because you like me??? like I know you genuinely care about me but it's only because you like me. Like you can't??? respect the fact that I just don't like him like that and i'm trying to put myself out there? something I haven't done in THREE YEARS. I've been single since 2019 and for the first year or so I was happy bc I really needed to take a step back and focus on myself. and now i'm soooooo fucking lonely but it's hard to meet people. I don't have a license, I don't leave the house that often bc my friends all moved away my father is always out either with friends or at work (my parents are divorced and I see my mom rarely). and it's like the one time I put myself out there I get punished for it. and like I know he's going through a hard time I get that, he's been pretty bad lately but. does he even know how much he's hurt me by doing this too? like I get he needs space and like I get time heals all wounds blah blah but it's been a month and I have not heard from him since. He'll still join the discord but as long as i'm not there. and I avoid it too if he's already there. and it's just?? this week has been up and down and i've been feeling icky and god I just??? wish I could talk to him because he'd know what to say? How to cheer me up?
and like I'd talk to my best best friend but she's dealing with so much right now that I hate putting more on her plate. She tells me I should hang out with our other friend Z but me and Z had not really a falling out but we didn't talk to each other for a long period of time after a friend situation but her and my best best friend still get together. but it's just??? awkward for me. I would like to be Z's friend again but it really feels like I don't know how to socialize anymore. I know I really need to expand my bubble but idk man.
and even if S gets over it and goes back to normal I don't know if we can??? have the same closeness as before because I can't keep doing this. like it's so unfair to me for you to come into my life ghost me. come back and ghost me again after we got REALLY close. like?? I don't wanna give you all of my heart if you're gonna give it back just because I don't feel romantically towards you?? I wouldn't mind being friends again of course but I'd keep him within a ten foot pole. I can't be emotional or real with him anymore. Just strictly whenever everyone else is in the discord playing games or watching movies.
honestly I've essentially lost a best friend.
this got...really long but I really don't have an outlet right now and yeah. sometimes I
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May I vent please? I feel horrible about something that just happened. Long post ahead /
Backstory: My flatmate and I have about two weeks left together before I leave and we've had a... complicated relationship. I've gotten attached to him in a certain uhh BPD-esque way that I've tried hard to control, especially since we had a short-lived fling a few months ago. (I am not proud of myself for back then - he was in a failing relationship, cheated by kissing me, and then we guiltily danced around each other until he broke up with his girlfriend. I don't want to repeat those mistakes. He and his ex eventually seemed to clear the air and started texting again but to the best of my knowledge he was still single.)
But he and I patched things up after that fling went sour and we became something close to friends again, and then... we started dancing around each other again in the last few weeks like before. This time we acknowledged that we need different things, and it's a bad idea to pursue it without enough time to potentially mend things before I leave... but we've still been physically affectionate, hung out a lot playing video games, shared a bed, and admittedly kept up the dance between us anyway. Both of us are just lonely, and sexually frustrated, but I told him I wasn't comfortable right now seeing to his needs, that I needed a bit more focus on mine, so we decided this wasn't something we could do for each other. We've still been sharing a bed, and getting carried away sometimes. That's been the limbo until yesterday.
YESTERDAY: oh my god yesterday. Since confirming that I was still sticking to my boundaries about not being able to give him much right now, I thought we were fine, he was nice about it, and I was even starting to feel more comfortable about starting to give him what he wanted! I thought we could end these last two weeks on a high note. Then yesterday he didn't even make eye contact, he told me he was going to see a comedy show, I caught him looking up a place in town to eat that I recommended him, even though he hates going out to eat for no good reason, and he avoided questions about it. And then I saw him furtively texting his ex gf about when to meet up. His ex whom he's kept out of our discussions this whole time and NEVER cited as a reason not to pursue things. I thought that despite the guilt I have around that still, at least she was no longer a point of issue.
I obviously went "well they can just go see a show and have dinner as friends and I shouldn't be jealous or angry over assumptions I'm making about this" but it just wasn't sitting right. He left telling me not to stay up for him. I stayed in the living room anyway until he came home. Kat, HE BROUGHT HIS EX HOME. REALLY FURTIVELY. He didn't even acknowledge it until I asked because I saw her literally move behind him into his room. He wanted me to not even know he was out with her, let alone bringing her back; he never properly declared an end to our situationship (or at least never honoured the end of it)... and this would make more sense if it was JUST about the discomfort of bringing one's EX into the home of the person one CHEATED with, right? But alongside the fact that we've been literally almost having sex every other night for weeks, and then this happens the moment I stick to my boundaries, how can I believe that he's been honest with HER about what's going on between us either?? I'm certain he's just using her to fulfill the needs I didn't want to, but I don't know if SHE knows that, and I feel so out of currency to talk to her. I even tried leaving her a note in her jacket letting her know what's going on, but I must have gotten confused because when I saw her leaving through my window, she wasn't wearing that jacket. So I don't know what to do now.
I know I'm not the best person in this story but I'm trying to be better than before, and this whole thing has just psyched me out. If he's getting back together with her shouldn't I have a right to know, given my position right now? And if he wanted to bring her home, couldn't he have waited TWO MORE WEEKS until I left?? I'm losing my mind and my own guilty conscience is making it really really hard to see clearly. I could really use some advice if anyone is willing - is this my place to challenge? Having agreed it's a bad idea to pursue it, does that mean I forfeit all right to acknowledge that we were still going? Should I try and reach out to her another way or leave it? Should I confront him?? I'm so upset about it all particularly with the probably-BPD attachment to him, and with how good I was starting to feel about him again. I'm still barely processing it.
This is a mess, but it's not on you that he's bringing his ex into it without being honest with either of you. Just get out of there and try to move on, cause he's not respectful towards either of you
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just some somewhat vague personal life ramblings under le cut:
(cw for mental health stuff) ((im okay now but i definitely wasn't lmao))
i had a really good talk with my brother last week--we were seriously on the phone for almost 4 hours--and I'm not gonna get into most of the specifics, but it was very enlightening and validating on some lifelong struggles we both dealt with in our family and how that's impacted us as adults. (although i think they impacted me more as the oldest daughter.)
more specifically, i did talk a lot about how i was fucking miserable last fall, and i knew i was miserable in the moment, but i don't think i did fully realize to what extent. i just could not dig myself out of the mental hole, and every time i tried, it just felt like quicksand--struggling to get out just made me feel like i was sinking deeper. yanno. classic depression shit.
and a lot of it is related to my professional life. tl;dr - last spring i had to go back to a job i hate because i couldn't find anything else and my husband was about to lose his job at the time, and it's almost been a year and i'm still getting fucked over by being in this psuedo-manager position while i am not being paid for it despite ten months worth of meetings trying to rectify this.
i wanted (still want) out so bad, but i couldn't even update my resume or look at job listings without just completely spiraling. the job-hunting process just felt... worse than being employed at a job i hate, i guess. not feeling like i could find a good match, the stupid corporate lingo in listings, easy applies not actually being easy, recruiters who never actually read my resume, dehumanizing interviews, straight-up scams--i couldn't fucking do it.
and on top of that, i had to carry me and the husband financially for about half a year. i don't want to rehash all that, but suffice to say i just felt like everything was on me, and i had no one to turn to for anything. he did find something that ended up being a really good fit, and he's been working for about 4.5 months now, which did help my mental state a lot. but even that took a while to mend those particular struggles.
but i think having an honest, empathetic conversation about all of this was really what i needed to move forward. i had just been burying so much of this deep down for so long that i was just never in the right mental place to actually fucking deal with it and move on.
and then last night i just got a burst of motivation and finally updated my resume, and i didn't even feel the urge to cry, lmao. not once. still wish evil things on people who write job listings but baby steps.
however, i'm actually not in a huge rush at this exact moment to leave my current job despite my many grievances--we don't get vacation leave until at least a year of employment, so i have to wait until this may to get a whopping two weeks of paid leave. i can stick out another two months for that.
i would like to be out by the end of this summer at the latest, though, and i would l like to not have to rush into another job that'll end up fucking me over one way or another. so i definitely need to start the process now.
and it's basically spring here! i got my little porch garden going yesterday which is like an automatic mental boost. loving the sunshine and warm, but not stiflingly hot, afternoons 💐☀️🌿
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In September 2022 the 'Intervention'
The intervention
Felt like an interrogation
It caused a reunification
Of my creation
It was a ramification
On the way I behaved
So I can't complain on
Where you placed blame
But was I mistaken
When you said things were blatant?
With cards on the table
I thought I was able
To name the worst,
To name the shameful
Things id seen
As the daughter who pleased?
The lies and trials
The blatant deceit
The anger and pain
It was too hard a feat
As I didn't expect your world's to collide
He said, she said
Your words against mine
mine were always powerless
Quiet at least
I spent that night rocking in my seat
I'm not going to lie
And say it wasn't needed,
An unwanted unification
But to what intention?
Because The intervention
Needless to mention
Was born out of seeds (-out?)
Of good intention
I required it not then
But way back when
The words you said would have helped me mend (then?)
I felt surrounded by hypocrites
Conspiring against me
With all of my short comings
Projected before me,
You made me feel risky,
To my siblings and my health,
The pain of hurting them
was worse than I've caused myself
But maybe I needed the shock
Like a new starting block
Instead I felt I got
the stick and the rock
They may break your bones
But words hurt you harder
And it's hard to take advice from
Your mother and father
When the evidence they have
Is from there own pasts
Please stop assuming I will walk the same path
And I see the need for the intervention
But it doesn't do justice,
when all that I mentioned
Has been explained,
Or just pushed away
It all felt like a controversy,
I know the lessons you were trying to teach me,
I wasn't as oblivious as you seem to believe
Do as I say, and not what I do,
You don't want me making the same mistakes as you
But I've made them now, you made them then,
But I've never had a child to defend,
And it's not an excuse or a play to pretend
I understood your need to defend
And I am grateful that you came to my aid
But did I deserve the price that I paid?
Because the date you came up,
As usual I cooked
Like the water in the pan
the heat soon rose up
First came the tears
Then words started gush
When she said I'd be the reason
you be locked back up
I've apologized then, and I'll apologize now
For the fear you had for your oldest child,
But I would be remis if I didn't admit
Your bids to help felt like a cespit
You finally came through,
for the child who needed you,
A situation I couldn't respond to.
I did not have the words,
the expression I seeked
For the years of secrets
For you both I would keep,
But it turns out you'd given yourselves
a free pass
In the two weeks you'd spoken
prior to the fact
Of the intervention
It felt like an infection
Got under my skin in so many directions
I'm thankful for your attempts at last
And you caught on when things got really bad
I guess what makes this sad
It's the child me who needed saving
By her mum and her dad
But I guess that's now through and through
I hold no blame or resentment to you
So do as I say, and not what I do,
You don't want me making the same mistakes as you
We've finally spoken just to protect you,
That in itself shows your love was true,
But I've made them now, you made them then,
back when I was the child to defend
Now I do as you say and not what you do,
I don't want to make the same mistakes as you.
#poetry#poets of tumblr#prose#bpd#mental illness#alcoholism#intervention#drug use#addiction#monologue
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OMG hiiii dw abt it at all! your answer is long enough and im so sorry
:( i hope you feel better now/soon!!
thank youu omg well im in my first year so we do a bit of everything! some coding like coding websites and stuff and some written computer problems as well! (i would explain but it's kinda hard to and i suck at explaining so asdhkjasdhjh) its a bit of everything! programming (practical) and theory!
ahsdjkahsdkj owning two trousers is so real lmao i think i only own one pair ajskldsjad and they are flared so not fit for all weathers ajksdhkjsah they sound sooo cute! if you wouldnt mind sharing them, i'd love to see them! but thats totally up to you! i dont want to make you uncomfortable at all so the choice is yours! im just a lil nosy hehe
omg same when i was a kid i once ate like an entire chocolate egg in a day! the time after that was hell i was sooo sick but its worthh itttttt and yes exactly!! like whenever i was young i had school assemblies and they were all like 'i dont play to draw i play to win' and like yeah so real! as long as no ones too mean and harsh while being competitive then go nuts! i love a little competition!! stardew valley is more of like a relaxing game for me! also animal crossing but like i get so frustrated when i cant catch a fish asjkdhaskj fishing is HELLLLLL in animal crossing alksdjlksj
awww thank youu! your hair sounds beautiful the compliments are most definitely soo valid! my hair never reached that point when i was young tho bc its like SOOOO frizzy and fluffy it almost grows outwards rather than down askjdhkasjh so it was always kinda short and super fluffy ajsdskjh
i think stuff abt the modern day world i really hate is that almost everyones so pretentious nowadays like you see someone and youre like oh theyre nice speaking out abt this and turns out that its all hypocritical and shit but also that feels like its not exactly modern? so ill give another answer and that is INFLATION! everything nowadays is soooo expensive oh my god! and yes governments is so reall
hmm, smth in the next five years... this is sooo not related at all and im totally twisting the meaning of your question but my online friends ajsdhkajsdh okay but serious answer? i wish to see less labour! like yk sites that use fast fashion and stuff that force labour onto people and children and i want that to be addressed and reduced bc like. no. labour is bad how is it acceptable for people to pay such horrible wages to their workers who make them so much money!! that feels so cruel! what about you?
and my question for you: what is something in/from a person that makes them absolutely unacceptable in your eyes? (i dont think that makes sense lmao) basically if you were friends w someone, whats one thing they could do to make you immediately see them as a red flag or like not like them/block them immediately (apart from them saying the r word!)
byee have an awesome day!
-swiftie spring exchange anon!
Hello again! I am doing better atm - I've basically had like, one long bug for three weeks, and like...I'd start feeling better. Go to work. Get worse from the exertion. Have to miss work. Get better slightly, so go to work...yeah XD I do seem to be on the mend now, I've just got a bit of residual pain and cough, and some of my underlying issues are being a bit unpleasant. But I'm taking it XD I had to take almost a week off work last week but I think the prolonged rest helped.
And hey that sounds really cool though!! So guessing you're in uni then? How's that going? Where I am it's starting to come up to exam season, so the people that I know are in uni at the moment are all quite stressed, bless them.
I don't mind showing you them like, privately, but due to my style being quite...unique (by courtsey of making a lot of it) I try to keep it off public tumblr to some extent, just because anyone who knows me would know immediately this was me. Tbh it's not a big deal if they did, but since I work with kids I feel the need to be more careful with social media these days.
And ok but see, I have very straight hair, and I've always wanted frizzy/fluffy hair!! Sometimes I fear we just want what we don't have XD
I think the hypocrisy is related to the modern world however! Social media kinda encourages a very black and white thinking of things, and most things are not so black and white (I mean like, obviously if someone's like. "Haha, I want to murder babies"...that's not a black and white issue. But you get me XD) So you end up with people being like "x is always bad". Then they'll later be like..."this thing that's basically x is fine"?
Inflation is SHIT. Look when I moved into my current place my phone bill was exactly 10 quid a month. It's not like 13 something!! It's not the biggest hike, my energy bill has freaking doubled, but by nature of it starting at a solid 10 I can see the inflation so much easier. It's a 30% increase!!
And see I am very lucky, I have seen a few online friends! My gf and I met through tumblr, and I've got two close friends that by thankful virtue of being in the same country I've been able to meet quite a few times...I met one who I've since lost contact with sadly, but I'm hoping to meet a couple more! OH and one is in a ldr with one of my close friends so I'll see her when she comes here (well I should do) but idk when that would be yet.
And look I have SO many fast fashion complaints. A big reason why I do so much thrifting and sewing is because I just hate fast fashion. I know it's sorta popular in some circles to talk about the shit quality, but it's shit because companies are paying people like a penny a piece for it -.- I refuse to use places like shein and temu...
I think in the next five years...generally I'm wanting to see a shift in climate change. I have a lot of climate anxiety, and I'm hoping that we start getting actual change in how politicians and companies approach the issues?? I want more eco changes. More bikes, cheaper plant based food, less fossil fuels, etc...I also want my government to stop making life harder for no reason. They recently decided people who have visas to work in the care industry over here can't have their kids come from overseas too?? Like there are people who now have their kids in other countries cause of this shit??? If they're working here, they deserve their kids to be here. How is that not the default idea!!
Less generally, I'm hoping to see improvements in my personal life XD I want to see a couple doctors to get some shit sorted out, and I want to improve my art further, and sort out where exactly I'm going with my career.
And nah that makes perfect sense! Honestly I'm a bit of a pushover, I'll take a lot from people. I think mainly the things that will really make me go. Hm. I mean, if you're outright a really terrible person (like if you told me you murder babies for fun, to use my "terrible person" example from above XD) I'm not gonna be interested in talking to you, but that's kinda obvious. But I think the things that make me go "red flag" are usually more personal things based on past experience. For example, I knew someone once who would move my mobility aids away from me, and I'd be like...right well I can't. Move now. Please give them back. And they're one of the few people I've cut contact with. But tbh I feel like I probably need more boundaries, I just get like...what if I'm being too harsh on this person XD
What about you tho??
See you again soon, hope your day has been well when you see this!!
EDIT: I forgot to ask a question back!! D: If you could make one trivial change to the world what would it be? Has to be something small, like...renaming strawberries to be fluffleberries, or making bananas rainbow XD
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i had my first nonpersonal dream in a long time the night before last
#i was not me#i knew no one irl#and my friend was not fully human#it's an escape for me and i'm really glad it's coming back#i've been off since february... unsurprising but good to keep in mind#the last two weeks were really bad but i'm on the mend now#no queue for now but i am doing better#i still wish it was easier for me to talk... and to be there for people i care for#but i don't have the emotional availability yet. i'm still unreliable#as everyone advances in life#i just hope they wait for me to catch up#apparently i've had issues talking since december... i'm far behind#i won't be forever though
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learning about us — lee heeseung.
pairing. heeseung x gn!reader
genre. school!au, angst, fluff, slowburn.
warning(s). mentions of blood, bruises and bad parents.
summary. you and heeseung were two sadness-filled souls who needed help and were lucky enough to find each other to help mend your hearts, and eventually you couldn't help but fall in love.
wc. 8.6k
you cursed under your breath when you saw that today the sky was clear of clouds and it had no intention of raining, just thinking about finding an excuse not to come home early other than the rain already made you want to cry.
but your future self would worry about that, right now you just wanted to free your mind and were looking for some empty room to clear your mind but they were filled with students, either cleaning up so they could leave or it was the student council members working alone to have a little more silence.
you sighed turning around to go up to the third floor of the school, you hadn't been in that room for several weeks but apparently it was your last option.
while you climbed the stairs that seemed endless, your head began to feel increasingly heavy before all the thoughts you had running, your mind, your heart and your whole body felt overwhelmed.
and there was nothing you could do to relieve that feeling.
when you finally visualized the door to the music room, you hurried inside even if your legs no longer had any strength and immediately rested your head on the door you had just closed, sighing once more and letting the tears begin to fall.
you were about to let out everything you were holding in your chest at that very moment but a noise behind you made you jump and sent a shiver down your spine, you turned your head quickly only to see a boy sitting nearby from the window with red, swollen eyes and some traces of tears on his cheeks.
yours began to burn like fire and shame took control over you forgetting all the thoughts that drowned you seconds ago, you wanted to run away from there and never see that boy again.
"I'm sorry!" you touched your cheeks because of how hot they were, thinking they might burn your hands "I'm leaving now, sorry-"
"no no no!" his voice surprised you, it sounded desperate, you stood still waiting for him to continue "I mean... it looks like you need to be here more than me so I'll go"
that comment only embarrassed you more, you hated being seen as vulnerable.
then he stood up from the chair where he was, grabbing his backpack and walked towards you to open the door, you were nervous but you couldn't let him go as if nothing had happened.
you felt bad seeing how another person suffered just like you, you could see in his eyes that he was screaming for help, and you knew it because you had the exact same look.
"wait" you took him gently by the arm, he looked at you confused and even you were surprised by your action, you had to stop embarrassing yourself. "you can stay... if you want" you released him, you got more nervous when you felt his look and that he didn't tell you anything. you hesitated what you wanted to say "sorry, I guess... sometimes it's better to have a company rather than be alone"
and there he also noticed the look in your eyes, the same one he saw in the mirror every morning, he looked away avoiding seeing them and just nodded, did his eyes really look that miserable too? had everyone been able to see it? or is it that no one cared?
he left his backpack on the floor and returned to the place where he was without saying anything, just looking towards the window, allowing himself to be distracted once again by the birds that were flying free among the clouds.
oh how he wished to be free too.
you stayed a few seconds longer standing at the door, great, he decided to stay but now it was a bit awkward. you decided to sit a little further away from him, right on the seat in front of the piano, normally you only went there when you felt like you couldn't take it anymore and being alone didn't help anymore, your fingertips dancing on the piano keys that so many tears of yours kept calmed you down and made you forget all your problems and worries for a few minutes.
if there was one thing you could thank your parents for, it was that they forced you to play it, since you had now found love in those keys.
you forgot about the boy who was a few meters from you and closing your eyes you began to play, it was a piece that began with slow notes but with time they increased their volume and intensity, it was one of your favorite pieces since it showed all the sadness and anguish that kept your heart, how each time it was becoming bigger and more difficult to bear.
you had forgotten everything around you, letting your body express itself freely in music.
when you finished you noticed that you had been crying all that time, you looked up and met the boy who now had his chair facing you instead of the window. your face turned red again, you wanted to hide behind the grand piano to dry your tears as fast as possible.
although it no longer made sense. both had seen the other cry.
"I'm sorry" you said it for both things, for having played the piano without knowing if it would bother him and for crying.
"why are you apologizing? that was... that was the most beautiful thing i heard in my life" you never played in front of people other than your parents, so hearing that didn't help your cheeks and your embarrassment.
now you were playing with the tips of your fingers because of the nerves.
"thanks" looking at him you managed to recognize him, realizing that you shared some classes but never got to speak, and although you tried to remember you didn't know what his name was "what's your name?" that question just came out of your mouth by itself.
"heeseung" he gave you a weak smile, he was cute, it was a pity that he couldn't smile sincerely "and you?"
"y/n" and you gave him an equally sad smile.
that day you had met lee heeseung, and you had a lot to learn from him.
but he had already learned something about you besides your name.
that day lee heeseung learned that you played the piano in a really beautiful way, he also learned that his heart relaxed and tried to find comfort among those old and worn keys, just like you.
and that's how it became a daily thing for both of you to get together in that music room, with you playing the piano and him listening attentively and then praising you for how well you did it.
both quickly gained trust, some days you used to talk about your days and had even opened up about your problems, but neither had given great details, and others simply remained silent looking at the sky through the window enjoying each other's company without having to say any.
it was nice to finally have someone by your side who could understand you so well, even though you both had your respective groups of friends, the connection you had formed between you was something different, you could tell your things without the fear of feeling judged, you just let off all that pressure in your chests and both knew you had needed it a long time ago.
your hearts felt much lighter and when saw each other you could have a respite from the stifling world around you. that room was special to you and your hearts.
you learned a lot about him and he about you.
they were small things but it really made a difference.
"you have something to do?"
you were ready to leave after spending another afternoon with heeseung, this time wanting to teach him how to play the piano, you still didn't give up even though he told you that he prefers to listen to you instead of learning it.
"not really, why?" the last thing you wanted to do was go home.
"perfect then" heeseung just smiled at you as he gently grabbed your wrist to drag you across the school to the exit.
you only left him because it was one of the few times you could see a really genuine smile on his face and you didn't want to ruin that, you smiled too.
"where are we going?"
you received no response and just let him lead you to wherever he was taking you.
you looked down for a second and looked at heeseung's hand he was carrying you with, it was hurt.
with your free hand you caressed it a little without even thinking about it, you wanted to ask him what had happened to him but when he tightened his grip on your wrist you understood that he didn't want to talk about it.
you learned that from heeseung too, when his body stiffened or he just held your hand tightly out of the blue, it was because he didn't really want to talk about it.
you stopped in front of a convenience store, he let go of your wrist and you felt a little sad because of the sudden cold you felt in your hand.
"did you bring me here just because you were hungry?" he just turned his face to smile at you and both entered.
you always see heeseung eat ramen, it was rare to see him eat anything else, but you noticed that he always chooses spicy flavors.
it was hard to tell what else he liked besides ramen, but at least now you knew that spicy was his favorite. you saved that information for when you wanted to buy him something.
you weren't hungry but still heeseung kept insisting on buying something because he refused to eat alone.
and now that you remember, he always waited for you to be with him to take out of his backpack what he had bought to share it with you. maybe he didn't like to eat alone.
"I'll buy you these, I know they're your favorites" he pulled a small package of mochi from a shelf and you couldn't refuse.
you couldn't say no to him or the mochi.
-
everything had been going well for a few weeks, until heeseung wanted to do something different.
"today I want to get some fresh air... is it okay if we go to the rooftop?"
that music room had been the only place in the whole school you used to get together to hang out, although you shared some classes you never had the opportunity to talk because of your friends, besides the fact that exam week was approaching and the teachers didn't stop giving more homework to study, you just shared a few glances and smiled at each other, that's why you thought it would be a good idea to get out of the routine a bit so you accepted his offer and walked together towards the stairs that led to the rooftop.
heeseung stopped abruptly in the middle of them making you almost hit your face against his backpack, you looked at him confused.
"what's wrong?"
"nothing" he smiled at you and kept walking as if nothing.
you stayed stunned for a few seconds without moving, losing yourself in the little patch you gave him and that he still kept in his backpack, you ignored the strange feeling that traveled through your body, that was heeseung's first smile that didn't even had a single trace of sadness.
your stomach flipped.
you shook your head, he opened the heavy door for both. you closed your eyes tightly as you felt the sun hit your face, surprised that no one was there, both approached the edge of the rooftop that was protected by bars, trying to avoid any possible accident.
you took a deep breath letting out a long sigh at the same time and couldn't help but laugh at that.
and your heart skipped a beat without you letting it when you looked into his eyes.
and in that moment you knew you were fucked.
you knew his bambi eyes by heart as well as all his face, hair, body and his typical smile that lacked happiness, but you never saw him smile like a few minutes ago, you never saw him in the sunlight with its rays illuminating his face, now it shone much brighter and you discovered some details that you never knew were there at all, heeseung was always attractive but when you were with him you thought of so many other things that you never gave yourself the pleasure of observing him carefully.
you noticed the piercings he had in his ear, they were just as delicate as him, some marks on his face that were not visible in the dark, his eyelashes, the mole that was near his eye, and you also noticed his injured lip.
you worried about him but you didn't want to meddle too much, if he hadn't mentioned the subject to you before it was because he didn't want to talk about it.
still you were sure that he noticed the concern in your expression.
suddenly heeseung moved away from you to be able to sit in a shaded area, with his back against the fence and you had no choice but to follow in his footsteps, you hugged your backpack to be more comfortable and you were ready to get lost in the sky but his soft voice distracted you.
"I'm tired more than usual today, is it okay if I use your shoulder as a pillow?" you cursed your heart for starting to beat faster at that question, and you were getting scared by that weird feeling in your stomach that was getting bigger but you nodded anyway.
when you felt his head on your shoulder with his hair caressing your neck that tickled you, a wave of heat went through your entire spine.
you knew it.
you had fallen in love with lee heeseung.
and you felt bad for doing it, you felt that you had broken his trust, you didn't want him to see you as someone who took advantage of the state of vulnerability in which both of you were. you wanted to throw up, you wanted to run out of there and not speak to him again until you put your feelings in order.
or until you no longer felt anything for him.
even though the very idea of walking away from him was stupid, you knew you could never do it.
a small noise that came out from heeseung's mouth stopped all your thoughts.
he had fallen asleep, now his face was much more relaxed and you couldn't help but stay several minutes admiring his beauty, when all his features weren't puckered he was much prettier, a fleeting thought about kissing him crossed your mind and you quickly took your eyes off him of him, you were so stupid.
by that time you would have run away to your house but you didn't want to wake him up, surely he hadn't been sleeping well the last few days, you could see the dark circles under his eyes and how he was nodding off in class struggling to stay awake.
you were worried, but you would talk to him another time.
from that day it became more and more difficult for you to be near him, although at the same time you couldn't help but pay more attention to him than before.
that's how you realized that he really enjoyed music a lot, now you wanted to show him your favorite songs and have him do the same with you. you knew in his free time he learned to play the guitar due to the small wounds on the tips of his fingers, and so you could name thousands of things you discovered about him that you previously overlooked.
for a few days you didn't want to be with him because of that strong pressure in your chest that you felt just by seeing him, you made up excuses to be able to leave much earlier than usual or you weren't even able to speak normally with him like before.
"hey, do you want to do something after school?"
you weren't doing anything in particular, the day was gray and you were just enjoying each other's company, you touching the piano keys from time to time, not playing any particular piece.
"uh, I don't think I can. I have to... do something." you couldn't even look him in the eye.
"oh okay, can you tomorrow? i want to show you something" you felt bad for lying to him, you didn't want to do it but being close to him turned your whole world upside down.
you saw the excitement in his eyes at mentioning that and your heart ached, your conscience would feel worse than you imagined later.
"I'm sorry, I don't think I can either… not this whole week actually" you bit your lip, the look he gave you only made you feel worse. "look at the time! I have to go" you rushed to get up.
"but-"
"i will see you later!"
you literally ran away from there, you put your hand on your chest trying to make your heartbeat not hurt so much.
most were in class so you stopped in an empty hallway and with most of its classrooms empty, you leaned your back against the wall throwing your head back.
you wanted to cry.
you didn't even know what to do, lying to heeseung made you worse than you expected, your body and mind also suffered a lot because of that and being away from him was worse for both of you, but you didn't even like the feeling he left on your body, as if you had run a whole marathon just by thinking about him.
was this ok?
you laughed to yourself, you didn't even know what you meant by that question.
was it okay to walk away from heeseung like that? was it okay to want to erase all those feelings that you had saved? was it okay to be in love with him in the first place, knowing that neither of you was alright? why did you feel like you were taking advantage of his vulnerability? he was your friend because you both helped each other and found comfort in each other.
it wasn't right to feel that way about heeseung.
did you even know how he saw you? like a friend? a random girl he hung out with every afternoon? someone he could lean on because you were more pathetic than him?
you hugged your legs hiding your face between your knees, letting the tears come out, you were no longer able to contain them any longer.
"y/n?"
your body gave a small jump at the sudden voice, you raised your head trying to wipe away your tears as fast as you could.
but you stopped when you saw who she was.
it was yuna. your friend. she was standing just a few feet away from you.
"are you okay? what happened?" she immediately reached down and held your hands in hers.
when you felt her warmth you wanted to cry again, you had forgotten the good friends you had because of everything that was going on in your head, you felt like a lousy friend.
you didn't deserve any of that.
"sorry"
"why do you apologize?" you closed your eyes, trying not to keep crying.
but yuna wrapped her arms around your body, hugging you. and you could only sob louder.
you had needed that so much.
you didn't know how long you stayed like that, didn't even care if someone saw you either, at that moment you just wanted to stay in yuna's arms and never leave again.
but you had to do it, when your breathing normalized and the tears stopped coming out of your eyes as if they were waterfalls, you loosened the grip you had on her clothes and moved your face away from her chest.
"do you want to talk about it?" you nodded without thinking. many thoughts crossed your mind in that second but you weren't able to say no.
you tried to explain everything to her as best you could, from the moment you met heeseung, how over time you got closer and closer, the moment you realized you fell in love with him and how you were ignoring him now.
it was there that you realized that your whole friendship with heeseung was almost like a secret, even if you never intended it to be.
"and I don't know what to do now, I feel like this broke his trust, he told me his problems and worries because he wanted me to help him, and I fall in love with him? I'm so tired of feeling like my heart is going to explode in anytime when I'm with him, I really don't want to tell him but I also don't want to keep ignoring him and make him feel like he's alone."
yuna nodded to all your words, she listened to you carefully from beginning to end, she didn't interrupt you at any time and you were grateful for that.
letting go of all that was like taking a great weight off your shoulders, even your heart didn't hurt so much anymore.
"are you really in love with him? or do you just think you are because he makes you feel good?" you frowned at her question.
"I'm definitely in love with him, I don't think my whole world turns upside down just because he comforts me" you were sure of your words.
"and then? why do you care so much if you're taking advantage of his trust? It's not like that y/n, just by talking about him your eyes shine and I can hear the love you feel for him" you looked into her eyes, she held your hand one more time "listen, I understand that you might be confused by the situation but you definitely didn't take advantage of anything, you also forget that you're vulnerable, besides didn't you tell me that you even hung out outside of school, doing normal things? I don't think you realized that you two are actually teenagers who enjoy each other's company without the need to feel like all your encounters are a therapy session" you both giggled at that "also, nobody ever chooses who to fall in love with, right?
you nodded at her question "thank you very much yuna, seriously" you couldn't help but hug her again.
"It's nothing... besides, you've been acting weird and ignoring us so I assumed something was wrong with you, so I'm happy you told me all this"
you wanted to beat yourself up at her words, you had been ignoring one of the most important people to you and now you're doing it to heeseung because you can't put your feelings in order.
"I'm so sorry" tears appeared at the edge of your eyes again but yuna just laughed at you.
"you don't have to worry, much less cry" with her hands she wiped away any tears that dared to come out "you just have to put all your feelings and thoughts in order. and next time try not to push people away from you, okay? that will only make things worse"
she always found the right words to tell you, you were very grateful to have her as a friend.
"and don't forget that eventually you'll have to tell heeseung how you feel. as hard as it is and even if he rejects you, I know you'll feel better later"
you didn't want to think about that at the moment, it was already too much for you in one day and you just wanted to get home to sleep.
"I don't promise anything"
you both got up from the floor sharing one last hug, and just at that moment the bell rang for the last class of the day.
-
the next day you avoided heeseung every time you saw him in class or in the hall, you still felt overwhelmed by all your feelings and although you already had your thoughts a little clearer, you still had to think a little more.
and you knew that being with heeseung would ruin everything.
you were spinning in your head for hours, your lips were already bleeding from how much you had bitten them and your body already felt exhausted even though not even half the day had passed. you were still undecided, but you ended up deciding not to go to the music room that afternoon.
maybe that was a mistake.
you didn't want to see him, you could hardly think straight and you were convinced it was for the best.
but now you couldn't stop thinking that heeseung might be feeling abandoned, you were seeing each other every day for months without fail, it had become normal for you and you enjoyed each other's presence even if you didn't say a single word for hours , you knew what he thought about being alone, and now the guilt was eating you alive, you were questioning if it would have been better to have seen him that day and declare yourself once and for all, even with the fear of being rejected impregnated deep inside your heart.
you could hardly sleep that night, the only thing you could think about was him and you only wished for the hours to pass so you could talk to him.
and so it was, the next day came and you didn't want to wait to talk to him so you tried it in class but he was with his friends and at no time did he turn to see you.
guess you deserved it.
but you were determined, so the only thing you could do at the moment was wait until the usual time when you went to the music room.
you were walking slowly now, wishing time would stop so you could breathe, but you couldn't take it back now. thousands of possible scenarios about what could happen went through your head and you memorized what you wanted to say.
but it was all in vain, he wasn't there.
your heart ached as if it had been hit, your stomach began to turn nonstop and everything you had eaten that day began to rise up your throat. you wondered if heeseung felt that way when he didn't see you there yesterday.
even though yuna made you realize it, it took a little more time for your head to understand, but now you could say it with total certainty, it wasn't bad to be in love with lee heeseung.
even so you still didn't want to tell him, but just thinking about the reaction your body had when you didn't see him there made you wonder if it would get much bigger if you kept keeping your feelings to yourself and swallowing the thousands of words you wanted to say to him.
you left the room to start looking at the others to see if he wasn't there. all you wished for was that he was still in school and not gone.
half an hour later and still no sign of heeseung, you went through most of the floors and halls but didn't find him or his friends to ask them if they knew anything, you were worried that he went home and you were about to give up but the moment you started to walk towards the exit, the rooftop came into your head.
you've never been so happy to see that brown hair and tall figure of him. he was standing looking at the sky next to the fence.
"heeseung?" he heard you but still didn't move, he didn't even move his eyes to look at you.
you resisted the desire you had to hug him and took steps forward until you were in front of him. you stayed for a few seconds looking at his exposed neck before gently touching his shoulder.
his gaze stopped focusing on the clouds in the sky to settle on your eyes, your whole body felt weak and your heart wanted to come out of your chest.
you could never get used to that, to everything that heeseung provoked in you just by looking into your eyes.
"hey" all the things you wanted to say were erased from your mind, now you didn't know what words to say and you felt awkward.
"did you finally decide to stop ignoring me?" his question took you by surprise.
"I wasn't..." you felt bad for lying again. you should stop doing it.
"yeah, whatever you say" he let out a bitter laugh and you just watched his expression carefully, he was hurt.
"I'm so sorry" it hurt you to see him like that, it hurt you to think that heeseung believed that you didn't want to be with him anymore, or that you left him alone.
"what happened? did i do something to upset you?" he looked away and now you felt a lump in your throat that wouldn't let you talk.
"no! It's not that... I could never be upset at you heeseung, it's just..." you couldn't finish your sentence, and you didn't want to keep lying.
"you left me alone yesterday, i was waiting for you" you saw how the tears came to his eyes, and that was your last straw.
"I'm really sorry, I never meant to do this but it's just-"
"it's okay, you don't have to explain anything to me" he stopped you from confessing all your feelings towards him, you thought that you would manage to get rid of the knot in your stomach but it seems that it wasn't time yet "and you don't have to lie to me either, just... if something's wrong try talk to me next time, okay? I don't want you to lock yourself and keep me away when you're not good"
his hands caressed yours carefully and you intertwined your fingers with his. you wanted to laugh at that moment, how were you going to be able to tell him that you were in love with him now? that you wanted to run away because you felt you were taking advantage of him? that you couldn't stand your foolish heart going crazy in his presence?
"yes, next time I will, I promise" you let out a big sigh.
"are you okay now?" his concern just made you want to cry.
"yes, i'm sorry again"
he didn't say anything, he just stared at your linked hands, and from one second to another you had your head resting on his chest, with his arms enclosing your waist in a soft and warm hug.
you hugged him a little tighter, not wanting even an inch to separate you. you inhaled his scent, the one you liked so much, you never wanted to let go of him.
you wanted to feel the warmth of his body against yours forever, to feel his arms caressing your waist, you wanted his scent to stay on you, you wanted to hear his heartbeat.
you wanted to be with him forever.
-
the following days continued as before, the only difference now was that now you had heeseung's number, which he had given it to you "in case something happened" and you spent class chatting about everything and anything, both had already received detention for being with the cell phone instead of paying attention to the class.
even now before entering the first class shared in the morning, he would approach you to give you a small chocolate or some sweet and each time it was a different one, sometimes he would leave it on your desk too.
"why are you doing this?" you asked him one morning that he gave you a chocolate with peanuts, one of your favorites.
"because I want to" he shrugged "besides chocolate reminds me of you"
you were embarrassed to think that maybe he said that because he realized how much you liked to buy yourself a chocolate to eat between classes or when you did homework.
when you met again hours later you thanked him and he asked for your opinion on a score from 1 to 10, and so he learned what kind of flavors were your favorites.
and you repaid him by buying him ramen from a store near your house every afternoon.
you were in the last class of the day, for some reason today you felt more tired than usual, you even almost fell asleep on your books if it wasn't for yuna who kept you awake by touching your shoulder whenever you had your eyes closed for more than two minutes.
the school bell finally rang and you let out the biggest sigh of all, you stretched out on your chair while you watched as yuna was already on her way to the door, she waited for you to be ready, but you didn't even have the chance to get up.
heeseung sat next to you, right where yuna was before and without saying a single word to you he put his arms around your waist while he rested his head on your chest. all the heat of your body was concentrated in your face and you could see how yuna was making fun of you from the door, she greeted you with her hand while you made all possible signs for her to come help you but you were ignored.
you tried to breathe normally to calm down, you didn't want heeseung to realize how fast your heart was beating even though you were sure he already heard it.
when heeseung settled better that's when you passed your arms over his body, caressing his back and playing with his hair from time to time, his eyes were closed and you did the same.
you were enjoying the moment so much, and adding the tiredness you felt, you almost fell asleep right there, in the empty room, listening to the other's breathing while the sunset painted the whole place.
"can I walk you home today?" his voice made you open your eyes, remembering that you were not in the comfort of your room.
"sure"
It was hard for both but finally you separated, at that moment you hated everything in the world for not being able to stay like this as if nothing else existed.
but now that you think about it, he had never asked you that, when it got too late you left but you never knew if he did too or if he stayed a while longer.
you could see it in his face, you also noticed his body language and you thought that maybe that day he just needed someone's company much more than other days. you smiled at him with a playful little tap on the shoulder. ready to go.
heeseung hated that people showed him compassion, he knew that you realized something was wrong and if you were someone else he would have thought that the smile you gave him was pity but he knew it wasn't, after all you were the one only person who could understand it.
the way home was much quieter than you expected, heeseung was always able to come up with topics of conversation out of nowhere or make jokes about anything, but today there was something different about him.
though you chose to ignore it.
and maybe you should have asked, you should have done a lot of things at that time. but you didn't.
"thank you for walking me home today heeseung"
"it's nothing" you smiled sincerely at him and he did the same "see you later"
but you noticed a change in his eyes, and when you saw his back move away from you you wanted to run after him, you didn't want to leave him alone. something was happening.
but what would you do then? would you let him into your house? that would only be hell because of your parents, you could barely stand being there, you didn't want to drag him down with you.
you had to repress the desire to shout his name so he wouldn't leave, and when you couldn't see him anymore you wanted to hit yourself with the first thing you found.
it was always the same. you were always too coward to do what you really wanted out of fear, you wished you could be different, you wished you could run after heeseung and tell him everything you kept in your heart.
but you couldn't. because you were a coward and you always will be.
-
heeseung didn't go to school that day and he didn't answer your messages either, you were still worried about him but he didn't show any signs of life until now.
you wanted to leave him for today, maybe he was busy or had something important to do, you also remembered that he mentioned something about a field so there was a possibility that he went, right?
but the days went by, the worry was eating your mind and the nerves were about to drive you crazy, you needed to know about him, anything was fine. you would have already gone to his house to see if he was okay but you didn't know his address.
you didn't know what to do, you couldn't even concentrate in class anymore and you kept leaving him messages but he didn't even see them.
"y/n can you please calm down?" yuna was worried about you, she had seen the dark circles under your eyes and every day it was getting worse.
"I can't do that, I haven't heard from heeseung for over a week and the last time I saw him... he wasn't well"
she was silent, she wished she could help you but what could she do? not even you who were close to him knew.
"wait... why don't you ask his friends? they might know something, or they might know where he lives"
you didn't have time to think that you had already run away, yuna had shouted your name but that didn't matter to you, besides it was recess so you could easily find them.
when you were finally able to see two of his friends, you mustered all the courage in the world to get closer and remember their names.
"hey, sorry, I know you guys don't know me but has anyone heard about heeseung? I haven't heard from him for days"
they both looked at each other and then returned their gaze to you.
"he actually hasn't been replying to our messages either" the one you thought was named sunghoon told you.
"excuse me, but what is your name?" that was jay, you knew it from his glasses.
"I'm y/n" you saw how they both looked at each other again, if you weren't so worried you would have been embarrassed.
"oh I see, I'm sorry but we don't know anything about him either"
"I understand..." you had to do it "you... you don't know his address? I really need to see him" your hands were shaking and you kept biting your lip.
"oh yeah, just... take care of him, okay? we're worried too"
it didn't take long for them to give it to you and when you made sure to thank him at least ten times, you almost ran out of school, you still had classes and you knew your parents would kill you as soon as they found out but you couldn't care less.
his house was a bit far from the school but in less than you expected you were already at his door. you stopped for a few minutes as you leaned on your knees, your chest rising and falling trying to catch your breath.
you raised your chest and took a deep breath. you rang the doorbell at least 3 times but nobody came out, you had been so lost in your thoughts that you didn't realize that the door had been open all that time.
you didn't know whether to go in but the gut feeling you had since the morning made you act without thinking.
at first glance there was no one, you knew what you were doing was wrong and you just wanted to take a look and then leave and you would try to come another day, but the place was messy as if there had been a big fight and your concern only increased.
you slowly entered a room that was completely dark.
and that's where you saw him.
"heeseung!"
you immediately approached him, he was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, you could hardly see his face but as soon as he heard your voice he raised it.
"what are you doing here?"
"what do you mean? you've been missing for days, I didn't know anything about you and you didn't answer my messages, not even your friends knew what was going on with you... I was worried"
"I'm sorry... but you didn't have to bother, really"
you took his hands in yours, which you noticed were rough and his knuckles scraped, when your eyes got used to the darkness you could see his face well. you covered your mouth with one of your hands to avoid letting out a scream, you had a lump in your throat and the tears already wanted to come out of your eyes.
his face was very injured, his lip and one of his eyebrows were split, both of his cheeks and one of his eyes had very large bruises and he still had dried blood on various parts of his face and even on his clothes too.
"heeseung what... what happened to you?" you were scared to hear his answer, but he didn't say anything. "tell me something please, is this why you didn't go to school?"
if that was the reason you didn't even want to imagine how his face had been days before, thousands of things were happening through your body, on the one hand you didn't want to know what happened because you knew you would end up throwing up due to anguish.
"can I hug you?" his voice come out so weak and carried so much pain that you felt your heart breaking into little pieces.
you didn't hesitate and you already had his body wrapped in your arms, you closed your eyes tightly wishing that all this was a bad nightmare.
"you didn't reach out to me" he started to cry in your arms, you felt how his hands tightened your clothes not wanting to let you go "you left me alone that day and I... I needed you"
you hated that, you hated that heeseung blamed you for whatever happened, but he was right. you knew there was something wrong with him that day but you ignored it, you didn't go running after him, you let him go and now you don't know what happened, he was like this because of you.
nothing could break your heart more than knowing that you were a horrible person who abandoned someone who needed her.
who abandoned the person you loved.
your tears fell nonstop, ending up on heeseung's hair and body. you felt so bad, you were always a coward, and what use had that been to you? you only missed out on things you really wanted and worst of all, you hurt the people you loved the most.
you would never forgive yourself for that.
you both stayed crying in each other's arms for a long time, you didn't even know how long you had been like that but your body already felt numb from the position you were in.
when heeseung was able to calm down, he abruptly separated from your body, wanting to get up but he couldn't.
"you can leave me alone now, get out of here"
you wanted to hug him again but he moved your hands away from his body.
"I'm so sorry heeseung" you looked him in the eyes hoping he wanted to listen to you "I knew there was something wrong with you that day but I didn't do anything for you, I didn't even ask if you needed help and I... I'm so sorry" you had to take a few seconds for the lump in your throat to go "but I'm not going to leave you alone now, not again, I can't afford to do it after seeing what happened when I was a coward for not going after you"
he didn't say anything, he didn't even look up at you. you dried the tears that were still falling, you would do everything possible to be by his side.
"at least let me heal your wounds... please" you begged, though you weren't just referring to the ones on his face.
that moment was becoming eternal, his silence was slowly killing you. but when he nodded you took quick steps out of the room trying to find the bathroom and find whatever it was that you could help ease the pain.
when you returned to the room he was sitting on his bed, you went straight to the curtains to open them and let the light into the place.
you stood in front of him and you had to swallow hard when you saw him again more clearly, he was worse than you imagined. from the box you took out a small cotton ball to which you put alcohol and gently put it on his injured lip, he hissed due to the pain and ran his face away from your hand.
"I'm sorry"
"It's ok" this time heeseung stayed still closing his eyes letting you do your thing, from time to time you could see him frown when you put a lot of pressure on the wounds and you had to be apologizing all the time "why are you crying?"
you brought one of your hands to your cheeks and they were wet, you hadn't even noticed.
you didn't want to answer, you knew that if you opened your mouth everything would be much worse and you couldn't control yourself.
heeseung slowly passes his arms over your waist to get you closer to his body, positioning you in the space between his legs, you were like that for a while until the position began to be uncomfortable for his neck, so he brought his hand up to your leg wanting to lift it and you instantly understood what he wanted. now you were sitting on his lap and he was fighting the urge to lay his head against your chest but he knew you couldn't heal him that way.
you were more nervous than before, your hands were shaking and your heart betrayed you in the silence, it was difficult not to look at his lips without wanting to kiss them and the closeness between your bodies didn't help.
"haven't you told your friends about this? they can help you" you decided to break the silence so as not to be tempted to kiss his lips, you also felt your heartbeat reaching his ears telling him all your secrets.
if you could do something, anything, to help him you would, you would have offered him to stay in your house for a while if he was okay with that but you knew that the situation in there wasn't much better.
"no... I never told anyone"
the cold breeze that entered through the window made your body shiver and at the same time took away all the tension you contained. it hurt to imagine all that he had to suffer alone.
but it wasn't going to be like that anymore, now you were there and you would do anything to help him.
"you should do it... I know you hate talking about your problems, I'm the same, but heeseung... you need help, you have to get out of here"
"and what can I do? they are my parents and I can't do anything for myself"
at that point you had already finished with all his open wounds, now it was time to put ointment on the bruises.
"we'll ask your friends for help too, they care about you, I can tell" As much as he disliked the idea, he knew you were right, it was time to tell them.
you remained in silence again, you felt like his gaze was on you making the simple task of moving your hand impossible. when you finally finished with his face you wanted to get away from him but heeseung tightened his grip on your waist.
"can I kiss you?"
you widened your eyes in surprise, you swore they could have gotten out of place, did you hear that right? you felt your cheeks turn red and heeseung's free hand was slowly climbing your neck.
"hm?" now he was looking at your lips with no shame, waiting for your answer.
"what?" the sudden ringing in your ears prevented you from thinking clearly. everything felt like a fever dream.
"I asked...can I kiss you?" his voice got deeper and the look in his eyes only made you fall for him even more.
now his hand was ending its journey on your cheek and you nodded slowly.
maybe time stopped when his lips met yours but the flutters only intensified. your heart pounded in your chest as you felt your body go numb. you could only focus on how soft you felt against his mouth, how addictively he invaded all your senses.
this was so unreal, if it was a dream you never wanted it to end. but you confirmed again that it wasn't when you felt his fingers dance on your waist. you curled your fingers through his hair as you gripped his shirt tightly, not wanting him to pull away from your body.
If there was one thing you hated at that moment, it was having to part from lack of air.
you looked into each other's eyes as you always did, as you had done thousands of times, but only now did both noticed the particular brightness they contained. you couldn't help but giggle when you saw him, his lips shone and his cheeks, despite the injuries, had a cute pink color.
you wanted to go back in time to change everything, so as not to have to see his face in that state in that intimate moment that you wanted to keep forever.
your head couldn't understand how with each passing second you fell more and more in love with lee heeseung.
"I've been wanting to do this for a long time" he hugged you and let his head rest on your shoulder as you stroked his hair lovingly.
"really?" you would never have thought that heeseung would reciprocate your feelings, you still felt dizzy and could only think of the ghost of his touch on your lips.
"yeah... but i was too scared to do it" you let out a small laugh, because that was the same reason you didn't.
you stayed like that for a few more minutes, just enjoying the other's touch, wanting to unite as one.
"I can hear how fast your heartbeat is going, so cute" he chuckled softly embarrassing you at how obvious your body was near him.
"shut up" you hit him playfully on the shoulder and he grabbed your hand to guide it to his chest, you could feel how his heart wanted to come out of there just like yours.
"I'm in love with you" he gently kissed your cheek "from the moment I heard you play the piano" he kept spreading kisses all over your face.
you closed your eyes tightly for a few seconds, how could he be so cute? wait, since he heard you play the piano? that was the first time you had seen each other.
"I'm in love with you too. from the moment we went to the rooftop" you saw him smile from ear to ear. you were so happy to finally see his real smile that you couldn't help but laugh a little.
"since that time and you never told me?" he pretended to be angry and his lips formed a pout, to which you stole a small peak.
"you didn't say anything either"
"true... but now I will" you turned your head in confusion "can I... be your boyfriend?" you've wanted to hear those words for a long time. and your heart seems to too.
"yes, only if you want to be mine" both laughed slightly, without taking your eyes off each other.
"deal" you couldn't say anything more because his lips interrupted you "now I will never leave your side"
heeseung kept his eyes half open, sneaking a guilty peek at you every time he came back for air, just to make sure this wasn't a product of his imagination.
"never do, please"
both still had many things to fix, but now you just wanted to be happy next to each other trying to recover all the happiness you couldn't have in years, although you had been since you met but were too stubborn to realize it.
your souls had finally found the comfort they needed so much and your hearts joined as one like your lips did.
and his lips were soft despite being bruised, you found yourself loving them just the same, loving their shape and taste.
and even up to that point both of you were still learning things about each other and about yourselves.
permanent taglist: @soobnny @ja4hyvn @yizhoutv @heejaies @jungwoniics @soobin-chois @w3bqrl @jakeyuni (send ask to be added!)
#kflixnet#enhypen imagines#heeseung imagines#enhypen angst#heeseung angst#enhypen#enhypen scenarios#enhypen drabbles#enhypen fluff#heeseung fluff#heeseung x reader#heeseung x you#lee heeseung imagines#lee heeseung#heeseung reactions#heeseung scenarios#heeseung drabbles#heeseung fanfic#enhypen fanfic#enhypen au#heeseung au#enhypen reactions#enhypen x reader#enhypen x you#enhypen x y/n#heeseung oneshot#enhypen oneshot#heeseung x y/n#lee heeseung x reader
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masterlist | maribat
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just two kids in love | +0.9k | fluff
summary: song-fic of 'kid in love' by shawn mendes.
i'm so sorry! | +0.5k | fluff | genderbend
summary: marin accidentally drops coffee on his new classmate, dahlia.
jealousy jealousy | +0.3k | fluff, jealous damian
summary: damian gets jealous.
overprotective | +1k | fluff, overprotectiveness
summary: clark, jason and tim were more than a little overprotective over marinette. especially when she started dating damian.
arranged marriage au | +1.1k | talia being a lil female dog :)
summary: talia makes a deal with the order of the guardians - in exchange for their not-annhilation, their great guardian will be betrothed to damian.
the great guardian | +2k | angst, adrien salt, hints of fluff
summary: the assassin bows his head. “yes. the great guardian of the miraculous is currently in new york city.”
and we meet again | +0.8k | humour, romance [part 2 to ‘the great guardian’]
summary: "i'm looking for an alien. his name is thanos. or something like that."
colours of love | +3.5k | salt, fluff, angst
summary: damian glared at her fiercely and she shrunk back. “i can assure you, lila rossi is most definitely not my soulmate. perhaps you should check everything she has said on google. it does exist you know.”
hero | +1.8k | fluff, angst
summary: hero by faouzia.
series:
the story of love | +12.3k | lila salt, adrien salt, alya salt, class salt, adrien redemption, class redemption | complete
summary: the story of damian and marinette’s relationship.
timinette:
oneshots:
gunshot wounds and safehouses | +1.4k | fluff, humour, angst
summary: lovely wasn't it? sleeping in your best friend's dad's bed with said best friend, who you have feelings for.
an...interesting reunion | +1.5k | little angst, fluff, salt
summary: tim and marinette attend marinette's class reunion.
the recording | +1.5k | little angst, fluff, salt; [part 2 to ‘an...interesting reunion’]
summary: the recording (can be read as a stand-alone)
the gala | +1.6k | lila salt, adrien salt, alya salt, class salt [platonic]
summary: timothy drake-wayne was not happy. he had to lead the (according to dick at least, and he was inclined to believe him because he had never seen dick so unhappy) class of dimwits from france because it was his turn. He had put it off all week and now he had to do it as the CEO of WE.
brucinette:
oneshots:
injuries | 1.1k | angst, fluff
summary: a sharp blade was sticking out of bruce’s side and hot, sticky blood was gushing out of it.
lukanette:
series:
luka couffaine wayne | +7.9k | fluff, angst, humour | incomplete
summary: “you really should have sat down,” sighed anarka. “lad, your father is bruce wayne.”
no pairing
oneshots:
the exposé | +5.3k | lila salt, adrien salt, alya salt, class salt
summary: lila was having the time of her life at WE. the class was fawning over her, ready to do her bidding whenever she wanted, however she wanted. she could spout out a ridiculous lie and they'd believe it; they were completely and irreversibly under her spell. but then, of course, things had to go wrong.
pathetic little liars that are squished like ants | lila salt, humour [part 2 to ‘the exposé’]
summary: damian was seething.
hospitals | +0.7k | fluff, crack, humour
summary: marinette wakes up in a hospital, paralyzed.
what a liar! | +1k | lila salt, class sugar, fix-it fic
summary: lila rossi mentally prepared her plethora of lies as she entered her new class. the only thing was, she wasn’t aware they possessed brain cells.
other pairings
oneshots:
cloud nine | chloe and jon | +0.7k | fluff, angst [part 2 to ‘seventh heaven’]
summary: "i said i love you," chloe mumbled now, her secret out in the open. "and i hate that i love you because i know you'll never feel the same."
absolutely & irrevocably | luka and jason | +1.1k | fluff
summary: luka gets over his feelings for marinette, only to fall head over heels again, this time, with his best friend, jason todd.
adopted | maridamijon | +3.1k | fluff, angst
summary: “i mean,” marinette says frustratedly, ready to tear her hair out - you will never believe the number of rants she has told chloe and kagami and the nights she has spent obsessing over it, “i’m in love with both of you!”
#maribat#mlb x dc#dc x mlb#maridami#daminette#damian x marinette#marinette x damian#damian wayne#marinette dupain cheng#hero#faouzia#song fic#angst#fluff#bruce wayne#wayne family#adrien salt#class salt#alya salt#lila salt#soulmate au#chloe bourgeois#alix kubdel#dick grayson#adrien agreste#lila rossi#caline bustier#alya cesaire#nino lahiffe#lila bashing
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So I decided to make an analysis about the last scene of Infinite Darkness
But before I start with the fun part, I just want to tell you that my history with “angst ships”
I had a bad experience with another ship, soul mates full of angst tropes and true love, beautiful... and a really bad ending because the showrunner fought with the actors (I wasted years watching and I regret it).
Anyway, after suffering that kind of pain, no other ships and angst scenes can hit me hard enough. I'm numb or just got used to it. You choose.
So maybe the scene of Leon and Claire's argument wasn't that impactful for me because of that. But for all the fans who felt hurt, I understand and it's okay to feel that way, because the scene was meant to hurt. The scene exists because of that. And your feelings are valid.
So let's get to the fun part.
spoiler alert, it's not that fun, it actually hurts 😅
The scene starts with Leon going to meet Claire at the gates of the White House.
I don't think anyone denies the fact that, whatever Leon is doing, he just wants to protect Claire. And he doesn't want her involved because of it.
But this dialogue makes this even more evident if we analyze how it begins.
Nothing in a show or movie is by accident. Everything is handpicked for one reason or another. The meaning is not always that deep, but there is still a meaning behind it all.
So when – of all the ways a conversation can be started – they decide to make Claire joke that she sneaked out of the hospital, Leon takes it seriously and she has to clarify that it's a joke, there's a reason:
Show that Leon is taking what happened to her too serious, and Claire not that much.
When Claire makes a comment about when he's going to stop treating her like a kid and he says probably never. There's a reason:
Show that Leon wants to protect her (or being overprotective) and Claire doesn't like it.
Of course, some might argue that this specific line is capcom trying to show that their feelings aren't romantic and sink the ship completely. And, ok, people are free to think that.
But if they really wanted to sink cleon forever, they shouldn't have done the scene of Leon saving Claire the way they did. They did it because they knew it would tease a certain part of the fans... They knew exactly what they were doing...
And there's simply no reason to tease a ship you want to sink.
So no, I don't think that's it...
For me the scene means the classic and simple: "stop being worried about me🙄" "noooo🗣️"
Another way to intensify Leon being overprotective is Claire's broken arm. A reminder that she was injured following his plan. Just as she was hurt the last time they saw each other in Harvardville.
And yes, I know Degeneration made Claire hurt to take her out of the action. It is undeniable. But somehow I don't think the same situation and reason applies to Infinite darkness.
Because Claire was already out of combat, following Leon's plan and showing no intention of doing anything different. It's not like she's going to attack the monster that is several platforms higher than where she is. She couldn't fly around and there were no guns where she was anyway.
So why hurt her to get her out of combat if the story itself has already done that?
Again, you are free to think differently. Capcom made Claire dirty, she was underestimated and they wasted her potential. I won't argue with that, I'm also on the team Claire deserves better.
I just don't think it fits this specific situation.
The injured arm is there and a awkward conversation about Leon being overprotective starts because of it. I think it makes sense.
So moving on.
Claire mentions the chip and Leon looks disappointed for a moment and says he thought they were going to dinner.
This is to indicate that he didn't come to see her with the intention of breaking their friendship. Leon just wanted to spend a good time with her and nothing more. Some place a little more normal, maybe?👀
But Claire wants the chip and tells Leon her plan. The same plan that Shen May was killed trying to convince her partner to follow. Is there a parallel here?
The only difference is that Jason broke her neck while Leon decided to break Claire's heart.
Okay now I could show more parallels between them, but I won't because this is already too long and I know maybe I'm reading too much into this. Resident Evil isn't that deep most of the time 😂
Anyway, Claire asked for the chip and Leon said no.
And that's the point, right.
The climax of the conversation and the turning point in their relationship.
Note that Leon took a few seconds to say he couldn't. That was the moment when he made his decision...
He went to meet her for dinner, remember? He didn't expect to have this conversation or make a decision like that. But he had to.
Now, I'm not from the US and I don't trust politicians in general, fiction or not. But I admit this sounds realistic.
Just imagine if the president makes a speech about peace and prosperity and whatever and the next day the media reveals that members of the government are involved in BOW and planning an attack on another country.
At the very least, it won't look good.
In the worst case, it will be a catastrophe 😂
So... I don't agree with Leon, but I understand why he chose this.
It's an important decision, however. And how long it takes him to say something and how he's quiet after saying it shows he knows what's on the line. Not just the security of the country and “peace”, but also his relationship with Claire.
And despite everything... He didn't lie to her.
It would be much easier for Leon to simply say "the chip was destroyed in the fight" when she asked. Claire would never know about it and probably never doubt him. And they would still be fine with each other and having dinner.
But he didn't lie. Why?
Because their relationship is not based on lies. And it's not based on betrayals.
And while it may be hard to believe right now and it hurts to think about it, this relationship is still based on truth and trust in each other. And now their relationship is being tested.
It's easy to trust someone you're on good terms. How hard it must be to trust someone who has let you down.
There is a lot of room for development here.
Obviously Claire felt hurt in this moment. Maybe even betrayed. Heartbroken. I think we all feel that same way.
But Leon played fair there. He said he had the chip, showed it to her, and then said he wouldn't give it to her.
He was honest with her. And this act also shows respect.
They are two people with different points of view and that truth hurts.
There is silence as they look at each other. She never asked his reasons and he obviously never told them. The exchange of glances is enough for them to understand what was happening.
When Claire says “you do things your way and I do mine” it's almost like “do you know what that means? ”
Then Leon nods and another moment of silence. The time they need to accept that the relationship is broken.
Now that's angst
Interesting choice of camera angle. Showing her broken arm as a visual reminder of why he was pushing her away like that.
Claire leaves, but looks back and says again that his outfit doesn't suit him.
What's interesting here is that the director has done a few interviews over the past few weeks and he always said that the suit is a representation of Leon's position in government.
Claire commenting that it doesn't suit him is basically the writers/producers/directors admitting that this position doesn't look good.
And while all the characters praising Leon for his success, Claire is the one who sees this reality and who he truly is out of the suit (position)
And that's good angst.
Claire walks away and Leon with a sad look watching her leave and he has to say to himself "I will stop this".
Could it be just one of his one-lines? Yes.
Could it be a way for him to remind himself why he's doing this, even if it means sacrificing his relationship with Claire?
It's already done, now he has to make it worth it.
Whatever happens after that is a mystery.
I don't think Claire believes that Leon is going to cover up the government's involvement in things (their discussion would be much more intense if that were the case), she probably thinks he's going to resolve it internally without taking anything public, which is precisely what she wants to do.
I also don't think Leon believes Claire is going to give up on the investigation, he probably thinks it's going to take some time to her to get real evidence and he has time to carry out his plans.
But this is capcom... They are masters of forgetting plot points. So who knows.
Angst is only good if it has a good closure. I hope they keep that in mind.
In any other tv show that used this kind of angst trope and drama I would be completely fine...
I would expect a sequel to this plot. The characters find each other unexpectedly, having to work together and acting awkwardly because they don't know how to stick around each other after the argument. Then the story would develop and they would gradually mend their relationship.
That's the trope.
So that's all I can hope for.
#cleon#this just got too long and l didn't write half of my thought 😅#I only watch the show once but I've seen this scene a thousand times#I'll probably have more to say after rewatching everything again#leon kennedy#claire redfield#resident evil infinite darkness#leon x claire#claire x leon
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♫ Individual Members Masterlist 2:
back to [navigation]/m.list list | individual mb m.list 3
-----------------
This masterlist does not repeat what other masterlists already have
Consists of ONESHOTS, IMAGINES, AND SCENARIOS
Stories with more than one part are in numbered order (from left → right or from top ↑ to bottom ↓)
❥ = my personal favs
-----------------
All members individually:
↳ S.Coups | Jeonghan | Joshua | Junhui | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | Minghao | Mingyu | Seokmin | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino
(1/13 requested) Vampire Boyfriend Series - what vampire!seventeen would be like as your boyfriend & as vampires in general
↳ The Letter Box
Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before - inspired by "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" by Jenny Han.
You find a letter box consisting of thirteen letters you never sent to thirteen boys that you've fallen in love with and reread them.
S.coups:
↳ "Hours"
(request) both of you forget it's your birthday but he finally remembers
↳ "Because I Love You" ❥
(request) you flinch because of an argument with him and he feels guilty, telling you to slap him in return for making you flinch
↳ "Sulky" (ft. Jun & Mingyu)
(request) you visit him during practice and talk with Mingyu and Jun, causing him to get sulky and jealous
↳ "Kkeke" (ft. 1997 liners - Mingyu, DK, The8)
(request) you and Seungcheol like each other. You are friends with the 1997 line and they are always teasing you two about it. When they leave, Seungcheol confesses and asks you to date him.
Jeonghan:
↳ "Reassemble"
(request) after you flinch during an argument, he goes into the bedroom when your friends come; after your friends leave, you go to check up on him
↳ "The Other Side of the Door"
(request) Songfic: "The Other Side of the Door" by Taylor Swift - you two have an argument & you hate him but at the same time, need him so bad
↳ "Love Poem" | "Love Poem 2" (ft. Svt members)
(request) You are the princess of the Caerat Kingdom and Jeonghan is the prince of the Svuentin Kingdom. You two get arranged for marriage since birth but as the wedding day ticks closer, you find yourselves truly falling for each other.
↳ "I'm Jealous" (ft. Joshua)
(request) he gets really jealous when you get partnered up with your coworker for a three-legged race. extremely jealous.
↳ "I want to kiss you" (ft. S.Coups)
↳ "I want to kiss you, because I love you" (ft. S.Coups)
(request) you tell him that you want to kiss him seriously but you two are just friends...
Joshua:
↳ "I Like You" ❥
(request) you two are cafe workers and you like him and you finally confess to him
↳ "Gifted"
(request) you see his large hands and compare them with yours
↳ "Wonder" ❥
(Combined request) song fic: "Wonder" by Shawn Mendes - you two are friends but he keeps wondering what it's like to be loved by you, which leads to him unexpectedly kissing you
↳ "060421"
(request) you are sick and joshua takes care of you
↳ "Flutters" (ft. Svt members) ❥
(request) you and Joshua like each other but are too shy to confess. One day, you two get stuck in an art supply storage closet and slowly confess your long term crushes
↳ "Fine" ❥
(request) you break up with joshua... :(
↳ "A Sweet Winter Night" ❥
(request) it's a cold winter night and you spend it sweetly cuddling with your boyfriend while eating yummy snacks and drinking hot chocolate (ft. Your first kiss w/ him + a bit of teasing the gentle sexy)
Jun:
↳ "Just For Kisses" (ft. Woozi)
(request) because of a collab, you and jihoon have to spend a lot of time together talking about music, making your boyfriend, jun, jealous.
↳ "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" ❥
(half requested) a fluffy break-day with a clingy Moon Junhui.
↳ "From a Small Glance"
(requested) you are exhausted from performing and no one notices except jun and he gets worried
↳ "Brother"
(request) brother!jun helping you with your homework
↳ "Special Boy" (ft. Hoshi & The8)
(request) You go to Jun's dorm and help him unwind after he had a hard and long day at practice (ft. Cuddles)
↳ "It's Okay"
(request) you get into an argument with your dad on the phone and Jun calms you down
Hoshi:
↳ "Horanghae 호랑해" ❥
(request) you two argue because it seems like he likes tigers more than you
↳ "Close To You"
(request) he gets a bit jealous and protective so he becomes clingy, handcuffing you two together
↳ "Dispatch's New Year's Couple"
(request) you are the oldest in your group and care a lot for your members and is afraid of creating a scandal that could harm the group. your members and boyfriend, soonyoung, comfort you.
↳ "Moonstruck" | "Moonstruck 2"
(request) you are a servant, working as the stable girl in the kingdom of Svuentin. You're best friends with prince Chan and one day, his brother, prince Soonyoung, comes into your life and starts to like you.
↳ "Spider" (ft. SVT Perf. Unit)
(request) you are on an idol survival program and for a performance, you decide to perform 'spider' by Hoshi, not knowing that he's a guest judge. (ft. A bit of feelings being developed)
↳ "Human" (ft. The8)
(request) Soonyoung is stressed and practicing really hard so Minghao calls you to go and help calm Soonyoung down.
Wonwoo:
↳ [12:07 am] with Wonwoo
↳ "A Warmer Valentine's" ❥
Because you have no lover, you also have no plans for Valentine's day. Your friend, Wonwoo, reveals that he does have plans for the day though. The next day, on Valentine's, he shows up at your door.
↳ "Heartstrings" | "Heartstrings 2"
(request) It's 1993 and Jeon Wonwoo is forced to study classical music by his parents. He meets you, the orchestra club's double bassist and begins to love music as he learns with you. He also begins to love being with you too.
↳ "UwU"
(request) you always call him 'baby' or by his name so one day you decide to call him something new, something like "oowoo"
↳ "To My Growing Child" (ft. Mingyu) ❥
(request) you two are shopping with Mingyu and his girlfriend and Wonwoo mentions that he's glad you aren't pregnant when you secretly was (this if fluffy)
↳ "Warmth Amidst The Snowy Night" ❥
(request) it's a snowy night and he is staying over. you notice that his hands are shaking from the cold and give him a back hug to warm him up.
↳ "Goal" (ft. S.Coups)
(request) you make a goal to win in an activity but everyone but you wins in an activity so Wonwoo decides to purposely lose so that he could see you happy
↳ "Beauty of Colors" | "Beauty of Love" (ft. Mingyu)❥
(request) soulmate au: everyone is born in a black and white world until they meet their soulmate. You and Wonwoo meet and your worlds burst with color. As you two hang out, you two fall in love.
↳ "Just Friends?" ❥
(request) your friend Wonwoo has never been on a date and asks you to go on a date with him as a friend but you try to make it realistic, causing him to see you differently as a woman
↳ "Starry Sea in a Healing Cocktail" ❥ (1)
↳ "Peachy Romance by the Blossoming Waves" (2)
(request) You're on vacation in the seaside and every morning, you get tea from the lounge bar, being run by the bartender, Wonwoo. He always greets you with sweet words and asks why you aren't smiling. Now, it's your last day on vacation.
Woozi:
↳ "My My My Darling" ❥
(request) while cuddling, you tell him how much you love him
↳ "Bonkers"
(request) you two are idols and are dating; he accidentally posts a photo of you two on his public Instagram account instead of his private one
↳ "Like Father, Like Son?"
(request) dad!jihoon: he takes care of his son alone for the first time
↳ "Muse"
(request) Woozi is staying up late trying to write lyrics while he's in writer's block so you go to the studio and tell him to go to sleep, ending up with you two sleeping on the couch
↳ "Hand-obsessed"
(request) you love Jihoon's hands so you cuddle with them, hold them, kiss them, and compliment them
↳ "Your Choice"
(request) You see your ex-boyfriend again and feel a bit of longing toward him. Your current boyfriend, Jihoon, notices this and decides to tell you something.
↳ "Moonlight in Unit 0526" (1) ❥
↳ "Sunshine in Room 0922" (2) ❥
(request) Jihoon is a ghost hunter, he could see ghosts for an hour and he uses this ability to send ghosts to the spirit realm. One day, in apartment unit 0526, he meets you, a human-like ghost who's been stuck in your lonely and cold home for who knows how long.
The8:
↳ "Faults"
(requested) you and Minghao get into a sort of silent argument and you flinch when he points at your phone + both of you fluffily comforting each other afterward
↳ "Galaxy in his Eyes"
(request) being clingy and fluffy; after two weeks apart, Minghao finally comes home and is clingy and cuddly because he missed you and loves you
DK:
↳ "Crazy"
(request) you and Seokmin are friends (he has a crush on you) and he invites you couple bungee jumping
↳ "Perfect: What It Means To Be A Singer" (1)
↳ "Perfect: The Process of Becoming One" (2)
↳ "Perfect: Imperfection Makes Perfection" (3)
(request) You and Seokmin are always in singing competitions, fighting for the first place. Suddenly, one day, Seokmin asks to sing for you, changing your relationship with him.
↳ "Idyllic" ❥
(request) You and Seokmin met through a mutual friend and enjoy watching musicals together as a hobby. One day, Seokmin invites you to watch "Marie Antoinette" with him but truthfully, he wants to confirm whether or not he likes you romantically.
Mingyu:
↳ "Criminal: Ruthless" ❥
(request) mafia au: you are captured by a mafia family as a hacker and he saves you
↳ "Cool" | "Cure"
(request) mingyu x doctor!reader; he gets injured and you care for him a bit. He likes you and thinks you are cool.
↳ "Reunion"
(request) you go to a high school reunion and see your former school crush and just as you were about to leave out of boredom, he stops you and you two talk.
↳ "Little Bits"
(request) Mingyu is your boyfriend and has never kissed you longer than a peck. You ask him why.
↳ "Off To School"
(request) dad!mingyu sending his twin daughter and son to school
↳ "Do You Know My Heart?" (ft. Hoshi & Dino)
(request) You like Mingyu and you are his makeup artist. You get switched and become Seungkwan's makeup artist, causing Mingyu to realize his feelings.
↳ "Maybe I Love You" (ft. Svt members)
(request) You two are childhood best friends and he is busy with work so you hang out with the members. After promotions, he wants to hang out alone but you two end up hanging out with all of the members...
↳ "I Like You Better"
(request) Mingyu, your boyfriend, sees that you have the vocalist of a rock band you like as your lockscreen instead of him.
Seungkwan:
↳ "Second Life" (ft. Joshua) ❥
↳ "Second Life 2" (ft. Svt members) ❥
(request) reincarnation fic: You and Seungkwan are in love during the great depression but you both die in a house fire. You two get reincarnated and you remember everything but he doesn't.
↳ "Beautiful Night" ❥
(request) you write a suicide letter but stop halfway; your boyfriend, seungkwan, finds the letter and immediately goes to find you
↳ "Thrice is Fate" ❥
(request) You never have a consistent schedule when it comes to visiting the cafe. However, you meet a guy in the front of the cafe by chance, but then you meet him again by coincidence. Would you meet him for the third time?
Vernon:
↳ "Sweetest Thing" ❥| "Sweetest Thing 2" ❥
(half-request) he is being tailed by a journalist and reporter and you help him by offering some strawberries...
↳ "Care"
(request) you are not feeling well after surgery and he comes to try and take care of you but you refuse because you don't want to be a bother
↳ "Just Ask"
(request) you two go on a date and you notice that he wants to hold your hand but doesn't (he's been wanting to for the whole day)
Dino:
↳ "LOVE"
(request) Chan likes you like crazy but you don't want to love him because you think of yourself as a burden and you think that he won't like you anymore once he knows you better
↳ "The Arcade Date" ❥
(request) going on a date with your boyfriend, Chan, to the arcade, competitively playing games, and making sweet, fluffy bets
↳ "Significance" | "Significant"
(request) you never really celebrated your birthday, on your birthday one night, you meet a man who is busking and he asks if it is anyone's birthday today (February 11th).
↳ "Promise for Eternity" ❥
(request) Chan on his wedding day with you.
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This masterlist has reached the maximum number of links available/is finished.
-----------------
-serenityseventeen
#seventeen kpop#seventeen#seventeen imagines#svt imagines#svt kpop#seventeen scenarios#svt#seventeen reactions#seventeen masterlist#svt masterlist#kpop imagines#kpop masterlist#masterlists#masterlist#scoups#jeonghan#joshua hong#wen junhui#hoshi#wonwoo#woozi#dokyeom#the8#mingyu#seungkwan#vernon chwe#lee dino#kpop oneshots#seventeen oneshot#seventeen series
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Uhm.. I really love the pregnant MC kind of series.. and uhm May I request the undateables version when the baby is born?
sorry, I'm nervous. am still a shy blob (///▽///)
Thank you both! And no need to be shy, First Nonnie~ *pets the cute, shy blob* 🥰
Oh! And just so you know, Imma split this up into two parts for space reasons, this part containing Diavolo and Barbatos' sections.
Unlike when I wrote for the Brothers' sections, I am only writing happy endings for the Undateables. However, the pregnancy and birth still won't be easy for MC so keep that in mind.
Brothers | Solomon & Simeon
~
Diavolo:
The first trimester was relatively easy for MC, simply going through the standard pregnancy issues, like morning sickness.
However, even during this first trimester, the couple was given a little hint of what was to come.
MC quickly developed a belly. Actually, the woman already had a small pouch formed by the time the royal physician was called and told the prince that his Sweetheart was pregnant.
Her growth stayed at this strange, quick pace.
By the end of MC's third month, the woman looked as if she was finishing her sixth.
This was alarming to the couple, who deferred to the royal physician about this.
The two were so sure that MC must be having multiples, but the physcian insisted that there was only baby and that it's development was normal for a child within the royal family and would still be born after the full nine months.
Diavolo didn't know this. The man knew that he himself was a big baby when he was born, but never knew it got this bad. He didn't have anyone to ask either. He never met his mother and his father spoke very little about her in general, let alone about when she was pregnant with him.
The man was anxious, to say the least. Would his queen be able to carry his child to full term? It seemed as if it would be too much for her.
Still, MC insisted she could handle it and Barbatos reminded him that he is prepared to navigate the woman through this tough time.
Diavolo stuffed his emotions down in favor of trusting his friend. Barbatos was actively using his future vision to help them and the butler confirmed that there is a possibility to make it through this
And so he gave free reign to Barbatos to whatever he needed to do.
The butler used the information from his vision to set up a schedule for the woman to follow and a diet plan to keep her as healthy as possible and avoid the common mistakes made in the timelines that they need to avoid.
At first, it was doable for the woman. MC wasn't a fan of having each day planned out for her, but understood it was important and listened to Barbatos.
As the pregnancy progressed though and she got bigger, it was so much harder to keep her moving.
By her sixth month, the woman's body was in a lot of pain from the weight of her belly. MC looked overdue with twins, but again, only one child.
It wasn't just the baby giving her big belly its size however. The baby was larger than usual of course, but there was also a concentrated amount of magical energy building up in her womb too. The royal physician insisted that it was also normal for a bloodline as strong as Lord Diavolo's.
MC was so exhausted from all of the excess weight and just wanted to rest in bed, but Barb always came and forced her feet so she could do her walking.
Being so achy, heavy, and emotional as she was, the woman broke down crying one day, refusing to leave her bed.
The butler had to pull the prince from his work so Diavolo could comfort the sobbing woman. Afterwards, the two walked around the garden together.
Mid way through that sixth month, a new problem occured.
The couple was preparing to have dinner at House of Lamentation with the brothers, something MC had been looking forward to all week.
The woman was checking her hair in the mirror when suddenly she saw stars in her vision and passed out. Luckily, Diavolo was already approaching her to ask his Queen if she was ready and was able to catch her, stopping her from collapsing head-first onto the dresser.
The prince quickly carried her over to the bed and had Barbatos call for the physcian.
Apparently the issue was with her body's rapid collection of dark spiritual energy. Her body has been absorbing this energy at a very rapid rate during this pregnancy because of the magical strength of the baby, but the speed of the absorption is far too quick for her human body to handle. This is what caused MC to suddenly pass out.
The physcian warned that this would probably happen more till the end of the pregnancy and that there was really no option that was safe for both mother and child to help the situation.
This is when Diavolo's anxiety got so bad that he simply defaulted into his composed expression, locking all of his feelings within him.
The demon was naturally such an expressive man, but when under great stress, he often locked down his emotions as a kind of defense mechanism.
MC hated this and always has. The woman knew it usually wasn't a conscious thing on his part, not something he purposely did, but it still hurt. It always felt as if he was hiding himself from her and it killed her inside.
The prince tried to fight it, tried to smile more for his Queen because he knew he was only bringing the woman down when she was already struggling to remain strong, but it was difficult for him.
He was afraid. He was afraid of losing her and their child. He was afraid that despite all of their hard work and all MC is suffering for that...it might all be for not
And instead of showing this fear, it was simply a lot easier to shut down all emotional expression.
There were some moments however where he could bring himself to smile genuinely
Like the first time he felt his child kick.
He and MC were having tea out in the garden. The woman was feeling extra anxious that day and asked her boyfriend if the two of them could spend sometime outside that day, which of course the prince agreed to.
The man was watching his girlfriend relax and enjoy the nice breeze, which calmed his own anxiety to see her find a bit of peace
Then he saw eyes go wide and hand flew to her massive belly.
"D-Dia!"
The prince jumped from his seat and rushed to her side. Still hiding his emotions within himself, the only hint of his panic was the speed in which he did this.
"What is it? What happened?"
MC started crying a bit and the man's heart sank. Before he could ask anything else however, his girlfriend took his hand and placed it on the area of her belly that her own hand was a moment before.
That's when he felt it. A kick. His child was kicking. This was the first interaction the man was having with his child and it caused the soon-to-be dad to tear up too.
"This--our child is greeting us." The prince smiled as he looked up at his Queen, who nodded and continued to cry her own happy tears.
Diavolo spent the next few minutes just gushing over their child's movements. He'd rub and kiss MC's belly as he talked to the baby within, greeting them back and telling them just how incredibly loved they are and how their mama and daddy can't wait to meet them.
Barbatos, who had been on standby near the couple in case they needed assistance, smiled at the scene before him.
The pregnancy didn't get any easier for the woman, but both her and her boyfriend were able to endure it more here on out because now they had a reminder of what it was they were fighting for, who they were fighting for
And so they were happy whenever their child would kick and remind their parents of this.
During the last the two months of the pregnancy, the woman had more fainting spells, but since she always had Diavolo or Barbatos with her, MC was always caught before she hit the ground.
What was more concerning was the bone breaking.
During MC's last month, the kicks that the couple got so excited for got a little too...rough.
It only happened twice, but twice was more than enough to scare the couple.
The baby was already positioned upside down and ready for the birth, meaning that its legs were now positioned upwards
So when they kicked, they would sometimes hit their mama's ribs
And twice it caused the bottom of her rib to fracture.
The woman was healed up via a spell each time, but it still wasn't a pleasant experience.
Still, this was just a taste of the pain that MC would face when she gave birth.
The Birth:
Out of all of the births I've written for MC in past, this one was worse for her just based on her child's size. Though a lot of her belly's growth was due to the concentrated magical energy that built up within her, there was also no doubt that this baby was much bigger than any human baby.
It started when MC was doing the walking scheduled by Barbatos for her. Diavolo was home, but in a meeting with the Devildom's Elder Council, basically a group of powerful aristocratic demons whose interests the prince had to balance delicately to keep peace in his kingdom. Which is why it was Barbatos with her, holding onto the pregnant woman as she walked and held her up as she suddenly stopped and bent forward in pain, hugging her stomach. The butler quickly brought the human to her room and called for the physcian, not leaving MC's side. The woman cried and begged for her boyfriend, but the the man only shook his head. Though Barbatos stayed calm and composed, he truly did feel bad for MC. He could not inform his lord about the sudden turn in events because of the importance of the Elder Council. If Diavolo left the meeting, it would just cause a lot of issues for him later on, some that he might not be able to mend. The butler told the woman that the meeting should end in about three more hours and promised that the prince would be there for their child's birth.
The meeting went in over time and lasted about four hours. Unable and even unwilling to leave MC alone, Barbatos sent a Little D to send word to Diavolo the very moment he left the council room. Upon hearing the news, the prince rushed to the other side of the castle and practically slammed the door open. Once at her side, he grabbed her hand apologized profusely for his absence. Though he understood why, the man was still angry with his butler for keeping this from him and Barbatos knew it, but did not comment on it.
The labor was a long one, lasting a little over thirty-five hours. It wasn't as bad as that makes it sound though. Diavolo had talked with the royal physician ahead of time and had a variety of potions and creams ready for her, all working together to essentially give the same effect as an epidural. The physcian had MC take them now that the prince was there to give him permission and they eased most of the pain she felt within ten minutes. Still, it did nothing to help the unbearable pressure she felt within her. With the pain managed though, the woman wasn't forced to be confined to their bed; she could also sit on the couch in their room or walk around a bit if her leg muscles insisted that she should move, which was good for her since the physcian said walking could help progress the labor.
When things progressed enough for the woman to push, she was brought back to the bed. Diavolo more wiped the sweat from her forehead and gave her a kiss, telling his Queen how well she was doing and that he won't leave her side. The woman pushed for hours and when the baby started crowing, she could still feel the burn from it despite the potions given to her. After a certain point, the woman stopped making progress. The physcian checked her and it seemed the baby was stuck. It's size was too big and the baby was stuck on her hip bone. He told the prince that no progress could be made unless he fractured the bone just enough to let the baby through.
The man's heart sank and he looked to his girlfriend, who was starting to feel the pain of the labor once more now that the potions were starting to wear off. He apologized to his Queen, but promised that he'd have the doctor give her more of the potions before he allows it to be done to her and that he'll make sure that she's healed up afterwards.
Suddenly, the woman shrieked in pain. During just that small amount of time that the prince took to make the decision and apologize, the baby had decided to break it for them in order to continue their way. The problem was solved, but in a very painful way. Even so, it took another half hour to for MC to bring her baby into the world.
It was a boy, with his father's eyes, skin tone, wings, and horns; he even had a similar golden pattern on his arms just like Diavolo did in his demon form. The boy also had MC's hair though. The doctor handed the baby to Diavolo and the man stared down at his son, tears of joy filling his eyes. He looked over to MC, who was also crying as she watched her boyfriend hold their son.
The prince leaned in a kissed the human, telling her how amazing she did and how proud of her that he is before thanking her for all that she did in order to bring their son into the world and make them parents.
The two name their son Ashur and he is spoiled with all the love he could ever need from day one.
Barbatos:
The first few months of MC's pregnancy was rather peaceful.
Barbatos went back and forth from his duties at the castle to taking care of his girlfriend, who still wished to live at House of Lamentation at this time.
The butler had no issue with this; he simply wanted his Love to remain as happy and comfortable as possible during this pregnancy, though he was prepared to move her into the castle at any point if issues arose and made it necessary, something Barb had already discussed with Lord Diavolo of course.
Which was good, considering what transpired during MC's fourth month.
Barbatos was tending to his duties at the castle when he received a call from Lucifer. Apparently his Dear was in the library getting help from Satan with her homework when suddenly the woman started shrieking and sobbing uncontrollably.
When Lucifer himself heard and rushed in, he found MC curled up in a ball and her eyes glowing green. The two men tried to calm her and ask what was wrong, but it was as if the human could not see or hear them.
Once the strange episode was over, MC continued to sob and beg for her boyfriend
Which of course resulted in the butler dropping everything in order to rush to his girlfriend's side.
When he arrived at House of Lamentation, he found his Love in the living room with Beel, curled up and hiding in the big demon's embrace.
Upon his entrance, the redhead wordless tapped the human's shoulder, causing her to raise her head and see her boyfriend entering the room.
Beel let go of the woman and nodded in greeting to the butler before stepping out to give the two time to talk.
Taking the other demon's seat, Barb sat down next to MC. His Love clung to him, burying her face in his chest.
The man didn't say a word, just held the human close and waited till she was ready to speak.
"Barbie...I saw myself die...I saw our baby die."
Barbatos frowned. He suspected as much when he heard that her eyes glowed green, the same color as his own eyes.
The woman talked about seeing herself die in childbirth, about seeing their daughter die before even entering the world, and her boyfriend's only response was to tighten the embrace and stroke her hair.
This...the man had been studying this timeline in depth since he discovered MC was pregnant. However, this was not something he that he foresaw.
If he was correct in his assumption, the only way MC would be able to see such a vision was if she somehow gained access to such power and since that was not a power of her own, the man knew what the only explanation could be; their daughter had inherited his power and has projected such a vision onto her mother.
How and why, the butler wasn't sure, but what concerned him the most was that his review of the timeline originally never included his daughter inheriting his gift and torturing her mother with with its visions.
Something must have changed, something small and easily overlooked, causing another tinier branch of time to split from the already small one they were on originally.
Now Barbatos was...well, not blind per se, but he had certainly lost his previous advantage. Months of studying every little detail of the previous timeline was now rendered useless and now he needed to start from scratch to make sure he knows what to expect and keep MC safe during this harsh pregnancy.
The demon originally wanted to keep the truth of the dangers this pregnancy poses to himself; he never wanted MC to worry, but since their daughter seemed to have different plans, the butler must be flexible.
"I'm sorry, my Dear. I should have foresaw this issue, but I failed to do so for you."
The man explained what he had been hiding from her. He told her what he foresaw the day he found out she was pregnant and admitted he knew before she even took the test.
He explained that because he knew from multiple timelines that she'd choose to risk her life for the sake of their child and he didn't want her to worry, especially since he was so sure he could use his gift to keep her safe, he had decided to keep all of it to himself.
However, he also explained that the vision she saw was likely from one of the obsolete timelines (though he will thoroughly check through their current one to make sure) and that it was their daughter who showed her it.
Barbatos knew if it happened once then it would likely happen again and did not want his Dear to see such an awful sight again.
This is was why he requested for her to move into the castle with him; by doing so, he could use his own power to disrupt their daughter's to end such an episode when it occurs.
At first, MC fought the idea. She said House of Lamentation was her home and the brothers were her family; she simply did not want to leave them.
Barbatos apologized for the trouble, but told her this would be for the best and promised that she could move back in with the brothers after their daughter's birth if she so chooses and if Lucifer was okay with it.
The woman was hesitant, but agreed after hearing this
And so MC moved into the castle with him that day. Once again, the butler already had everything prepared so it was as simply as packing up her things and using magic to teleport them to the castle so the two could walk there comfortably.
Barbatos had a different room for them both to sleep in as opposed to his own room. The man had worried that his bedroom would be a bit...unsettling for his Dear and did not want her to think about the first time she saw his room, back in her first year at RAD when she used it to go back in time and had technically died from such a decision.
The man wanted to avoid anything that could bring bad thoughts to his sweet human's head and ultimately keep her spirits up.
The first day, MC felt a bit out of place in the castle, but when the night came and she got to sleep in her boyfriend's arms, she found a sense a peace that she did not often get to feel outside of his embrace and so she slept comfortably.
Her days were filled with being by Barbatos' side as he worked. He wanted her close in case an episode should occur and he was correct that more were to come.
Each time one would occur, the demon would carefully lead his distraught girlfriend to a seat, slip off his gloves, and place one hand on her bare belly and one on her forehead, pushing his own magick into her to disrupt their daughter's magick flow.
When the vision was brought to a halt, the woman's eyes stopped glowing and she fell forward, her face falling onto his shoulder.
It always went like this, Barb dropping everything to end it for her and then holding the human close for as long as she needed.
Outside of these episodes, the woman would help her boyfriend as he worked. Though it wasn't necessary, Barb acknowledged that MC needed to fill her time in some way and enjoyed helping him.
However, he still restricted his Dear with what she could help with. If it require heavy lifting, chemicals, or magick, he would have her step back and let him handle it. Though disappointed, MC would do as she was told.
Months went by and things with her pregnancy were manageable.
The brothers were a constant presence within the castles, always checking up on the human and wanting to spend time with her. The butler did not mind this and knew that this was good for his Love's spirits.
Still, he was always displeased when Mammon stopped by because he knew he had to balance his work, taking care of MC, and keeping an eye on the second brother to make sure he didn't try to steal anything. Again.
It was half way through her sixth month when a new problem arose.
The butler had left the room for just a moment to deal with some work while MC chatted with the Avatar of Greed, only to be called back by the other man.
"Shit! Barbatos!"
The butler quicken his steps and turned back towards the room
And found MC on the floor of the parlor, green glow of her eyes flickering on and off as she seizured on the floor.
Barbatos sprung into action. He did not understand what brought this on so suddenly, but handled the situation as best as he could for now.
He had the other demon stay back as he turned MC onto her side and pushed the funiture away from his Dear so she didn't hurt herself during this. He took off his jacket and folded it up before placing it behind her head. He took out his phone to time it, just in case.
When it finished, his Love looked up at him and asked what had happened. Her boyfriend finally let himself release the breath he had been holding.
"You're fine, my Dear. You're laying down in the parlor right now. Please just relax for a bit."
Barbatos had requested for the Brother to return home for the day before calling in a doctor for MC.
That's how the couple discovered the new issue; MC wasn't handling the new power well. The foreign magic was like a shock to her system. It could handle the magick in certain doses, but too much had lead to this seizure.
The doctor said she should able to tolerate it on a physical level when their daughters activates it, but MC likely won't survive if Barb keep forcing his magick on her or at least cause her health to take a permanent nosedive.
Each time a human has a seizure, it becomes so much easier for their body to it again. If this keeps up, it will become a health problem for her even after the pregnancy.
Basically, the couple was stuck with the choice of whether MC's physical health or mental health was more important.
The butler kept composed at this news, but in reality...he felt like he was failing her. It was his responsibility to take care of her, but he felt as if things were slipping out of his control.
Still, he did what had to be done. From then on, he never interfered when his Love had one of her episodes. When their daughter forced a horrible vision onto MC, all the man could do is bring her to a seat and hold onto his girlfriend as her mind was being tortured by vivid experiences.
They never took long, about ten or fifteen minutes each time, but MC was always left shaky and emotionally fragile. Barbatos made sure to never be the first to break the embrace, even if he had a long list of work he needed to get done.
The rest of the pregnancy was very difficult for the woman. Barb and the Brothers did what they could for her, but it was obvious that her spirits were low from then on.
The Birth:
The stress that the visions put on the woman caused her to go into labor early. Luckily, not dangerously early, just about a week and a half so.
MC was having tea with Lord Diavolo, something the prince purposefully set time aside for each week. He knew how difficult of a time this was for the human and his friend and wanted to play his part to ease their nerves a bit. Barbatos was able to leave his Dear's side without much anxiety and MC could chat with him as she enjoys some tea. Tea time with Diavolo had become something the woman looked forward to each week. The prince's cheerful attitude really did a lot to lift her fragile spirits.
It was during such a tea time when MC started feeling some minor contractions. They were small and far apart at first so the woman simply chose to ignore them at first. It was still a bit early so she really didn't think the pains were really the start of labor. If anything, she simply thought they were more so Braxton Hicks contractions, basically small practices ones that women can feel towards the end of their pregnancy. They don't lead to labor; they're simply uncomfortable. Thinking this was the reason for her pain, the woman said nothing and continued to chat with the prince. However, the pain slowly built up and she found herself wincing mid-sentence.
"Are you alright?" Lord Diavolo watched the woman closely.
"Oh yes, sorry." MC smiled anxiously at him before looking down to her belly and giving it a gently rub. "I've been feeling a bit of pain, but I'm sure it's nothing."
The prince rose from his seat.
"Then I'll go retrieve Barbatos for you--"
"No, please sit." The woman insisted. "It's nothing. It's too early for it to be a real issue and besides...I don't want Barb to worry. He's so good at hiding it, but I know he's been stressed out these last couple months. He needs this. He needs some time to himself where he doesn't feel as if he needs to hover around me, even if he's still working."
The prince watched the woman for a moment before lowering himself back into his chair.
"Alright. Please let me know if it gets any worse for you."
MC nodded and the two continued talking, though now with the man being extra observant with her.
A couple minutes later, Barbatos had rushed in.
"Barb? Is something--"
He was at her side in an instant.
"My Dear, you really shouldn't keep such a thing from me for my sake."
The woman stared at her boyfriend, confused. He explained how he had paused his work to look into his vision (he was feeling anxious about leaving her side, but of course, never mentioned this) and saw that this was going on, but discovered that her hypothesis was incorrect; this was in fact the very beginning of labor for her. Its bareable at the moment, but as he has already seen, this will change very soon.
"I already called the doctor so please follow me so you can go lay down."
MC stared at him eyes wide.
"I...is she going to be okay?" The woman asked, eyes tearing up a bit. "Barb, it's--"
"My Dear, it's alright." He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Our daughter will be fine. Please don't worry."
Suddenly, a new pain hit her and her boyfriend was right that they were getting worse.
"Gaaaah...Barb..."
"Shh. Its alright." The butler waited for the pain to settle before helping her out of her chair and turning to Diavolo. "I'm sorry, my lord. Please excuse us."
"Of course." The prince smiled at the two before adding. "You'll be fine, MC. Just do your best and trust in my friend, yes?"
The couple thanked the prince before retreating.
Thanks to Barbatos catching things as soon as he did and calling the doctor when he did, things went smoothly. It was still a painful experience for his girlfriend, but the demon stayed by her side the whole time and never let go of her hand.
A few hours later, the couple was graced with their daughter's cries as she entered the world. Once the baby was cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket, MC brought their child into her arms, hold her close. Barbatos watched the scene and started tearing up. It was over. His Dear's suffering was over and now his daughter was here in her arms. It was...all worth it.
MC stayed in the castle for a few more days to recover before moving back into House of Lamentation with the Brothers, taking their daughter with her. It was for the best. After all, Barbatos had promised her such when she first moved into the castle that she could move back after the birth.
Besides, MC can't stay by his side every second of the day like she did during the pregnancy. It simply wasn't fair nor healthy to expect that of her so she'd just be on her own with their child in the castle and that would be a very lonely way for her to live. MC living in House of Lamentation, surrounded by those she saw as her family while receiving their help and support...that was what she deserved; it made her happy.
Still, the man was constantly visiting her and their daughter. Just because they weren't a traditional family who lived together didn't mean he loved his girls any less or that he'd give them any less than his best. He'd even stay the night once a week and help with the baby during the night, even though he had to wake up early to return to the castle the next morning.
Barbatos did not mind it though; he handled it all in stride and found this new life to be much more fulfilling. Being a father was never something that the man gave any thought to in the past. While many beings aimed to continue their lineage, Barbatos was never one to put importance on such a thing. Regardless, now that he has his child, the demon knows he will always treasure her and her mother above all else in this world.
The couple named the girl Vaermina, though MC often liked shortening her name to Mina. She had her father's eyes, horns, and tail, but MC's hair combined with a teal streak just like his, strangely enough. One look at her face and the man knew she'd grow up looking just like her mother; he didn't need his vision to know this.
If he was being honest...the man didn't want to use his gift at all in regards with his daughter. Mina...he knew she'd have a tough go of things. Barbatos knew better than anyone the fear that their gift can promote early in life. To not have much control over the sight and see so many outcomes that could lead to yourself or those close to you get hurt was not an easy thing.
Still, he was determined to teach her when she's old enough to control her power so such visions are not thrust upon her. Whenever he looked at his daughter, still young and bright and unaffected, his heart filled with so much love for her, but also ached in response to the trouble he knew was coming for her eventually.
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Derek and Hotch have a major disagreement. Jack overhears his father saying that Derek’s going to break his heart. 2 days later Derek gets a letter, inside is a hand drawn heart, cut into several pieces. The letter just says: Can you please fix daddy’s heart? Love, Jack.
(~800 words // Inspired by but not exact because reading comprehension is lacking on my part...sorry // Hotchgan fluff)
**
It isn't a big fight, or even something to really fight about. It's just that they've worked two cases back to back with less than thrilling results, the brass is coming down on Aaron hard and Derek is asking him for too much. They're both running on fumes and tonight should have been the first real night off in weeks, a quiet night in – dinner and some board games with Jack, and then some adult time afterward except now adult time looked like laundry and an argument. It already felt too much like another failed marriage for Aaron's taste.
“I'm not asking you to wear a damn ring, Aaron,” Derek says, seated at the foot of Aaron's bed with his legs folded beneath him. Across the room Aaron is folding laundry, large hands shoved inside of Jack's tiny clothes, pulling at inside out sleeves while he considers the offer he's been given. It's huge, he's been milling it over all week in spite of being on a case. It's driven him to distraction more than once. “Aaron?”
“I'm just...not ready to get my heart broken again...” he says softly. Derek frowns, he knows Aaron didn't mean it as cold as it sounded, but it still hurt.
“That's what you think I'm planning to do?” He was scoffing, couldn't believe it really. “C'mon, you know me better than that.”
Aaron lowers his voice as he begins putting hangers inside button up shirts, working diligently with his hands to keep his mind in one place. “The last time...” he whispers, and he's trying to keep it down because the walls are so thin and Jack hasn't been in bed long, he shouldn't hear them argue and he definitely doesn't need to hear him bring up Haley. “I couldn't survive it again...”
It clicks then what he means – he's not talking about the divorce. “Aaron...” Derek says, standing, slipping his arms around the other man's waist from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. He digs it in, really gets in there and holds him tight. “I've survived goin' toe to toe with some big ol' baddies – believe me, if there's a sucker out there who wants you or Jack so bad they try to go through me, they're gonna be worm food and you know it.”
It's not enough to make Aaron concede yet, but he's almost there.
He's willing to entertain the idea of living together.
In the morning, Derek wakes to find an envelope on the nightstand beside him. It's addressed to him in big scrawling letters, thick crayon wax clumped in places where Jack's hand got a little too excited or he wrote over a crumb or a dip in the table. Derek sits up, rubs the sleep from his eyes, and opens the envelope to find small chunks of paper colored bright red (and a little blue because Jack loves the way it turns slightly purple where it gets extra thick) with a note that simply reads “PLEES FIKS DADDYS HART” and he notices his hand tremble, understanding momentarily how big it is that he's asking to be a part of this family. As much as asking Aaron to move in with him was about having him close, he hadn't really considered the magnitude of inserting himself into a family that would depend on him. Right now they were a small unit, and they had Derek and they had Jessica orbiting around them, there when needed but not part of the unit itself. Moving in would change all of that. He would be on the path from Derek to Dad.
He still wanted it. In fact, he might want it more now. Slipping out of the bed, he sneaks down the hall and to Aaron's office to begin working on mending the heart – but instead of simply taping it together, he cuts out two new hearts and pastes the mended heart atop the other two, scribbles a ribbon over the whole thing and admires his work. An art major he is not, but he's pretty sure that where he labeled one choppy heart with a J and the other with a D would convey his message pretty clearly – together they could fix daddy's broken heart.
He puts it on Jack's chair before he sits down for breakfast, and watches as he opens it with glee. Jack beams and Derek smiles when Aaron goes over to look at it, to listen to Jack explain how he'd heard part of their conversation last night and he didn't want Derek to break his daddy's heart.
“Hey, Jack,” he says, nudging the bowl of orange slices toward the boy. “How would you like to say goodbye to this tiny old apartment and go move in with Derek and Clooney at their big house?”
“I would never,” Derek says softly, pouring syrup onto his pancakes.
Aaron smiles, and considers that there is really never a good time to take a leap of faith, you just had to close your eyes and go for it. Hope you don't hit the pavement.
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Don't Leave Me This Way
Word count- It's a doozy at 3500
Warnings- language, oral sex (m!receiving), fingering, penetration (vaginal), angsty romance
A/N- After a decade together, Honey and Leon have come undone. But on the anniversary of the day their lives changed Leon decides to mend them. For @forenschik 💋 Part One
Part Two:
Leon wasn’t quite sure walking was the best choice. Lightning lit up the sky every few minutes, and Honey’s silence as they strolled at a leisurely pace worried him. He knew, if anything, she was contemplating what he had said about traveling.
After a block, she finally looked at him and took a sharp breath in. Then all she could exhale was the damn kids.
“We still need to decide about Sunny going to school! Can he control himself around other kids, or should he be homesch-”
“HONEYYY!” Leon let loose his familiar whine. He stood firm so that as she kept going he yanked her backwards. “Enough about the kids! I love them, but please. Can you even make it back home without talking about them for one bloody minute?!”
Honey turned to face Leon. She planted her fists on her hips. This was a move he had watched Selina make a hundred times, but thought she swiped it from Wonder Woman. Now he knew it was from the bad ass chick he lived with. His wife popped one hip out to the side and curved a brow.
“Is that a challenge, Kostas? Care to wager.”
“Whot? No. I suck at gambling.”
“Bingo! Whatever you’re going to say, if I win, I get to sleep with Klaus.”
It was as if she had been thinking about this for ages. Just waiting for an opportunity to ask her husband, or maybe bait him. Spurned on by the heat and mundanity she never believed would settle in her marriage.
Leon wouldn't bite. Not really. “Even if you win, that'll never happen. You'll take one look at the bloody stupid problematic tattoo on his stomach and get unnerved.”
“Whatever. Either way, top that bitch.” Honey only had a hint of seriousness in her voice. Her smile reached her eyes.
Leon made a huff noise and rolled his eyes. Like he was disgusted. He threw his arms up and shrugged. “If you lose, ANYTIME or ANYWHERE, no matter what is happening, when I ask? you've got to kiss me.”
“That's not a punishment. I kiss you all the time.”
“But do you really, love? A nice one before work or when we get home or before we go to sleep. I'm talking about deep, passionate kisses like we used to.”
Honey’s shoulders sagged. Here she was wagering a night with a knock off, literally, of her husband. And all he wanted was that fire they once had. Both of them worried it had become embers just begging to be stoked and lit ablaze again.
Honey held out her hand, “Deal.”
Leon took it and turned it over. He raised it up to his lips and kissed her wrist, “Deal.” His hand encompassed hers and they started to walk as the wind picked up. They, however, strolled leisurely down Mulberry Street.
Honey was rather quiet, and Leon smirked. His wife would rather keep her mouth shut than risk mentioning the kids if she opened it. He didn't mind talking about them, not really.
Leon joked to Johnny once that his “Littles” were like acid trips that had come to life. Except they needed emotional guidance. He was glad that they had at least a few more years until they had to explain Sunny didn't just resemble his father, but his mother had her suspicions.
“Leon, where have you gone off to?” Honey was snapping her fingers in his face. “I asked you why a week isn't enough to reset?”
“How often did your parents go on holiday without the six of you?”
Honey was silent for so long as they sauntered along that Leon thought she was either worried she would mention Selina and Sunny in her answer. But she was thinking and couldn't recall. She responded with, “It's more like WHEN did my parents go on vacation without the six of us.”
“Alright.”
“1969. Wait no. That was the holiday you paid for to see me. Oh.. I don't know!”
“Exactly. My parents never went away without us and then not alone until my dad got sick. I don't want to wait until it's our last holiday together. So we go home,” he put his arm around Honey's neck and pulled her close to kiss the top of her head, “and just close your eyes and pick.”
She let her hands enclose around his as it hung down over her chest. “And we go there.” Honey brought Leon's hand up to her mouth so her lips just brushed his knuckles.
Leon’s instincts took over when she let him go. He slid under the fabric of her dress between her breasts. His fingers traced a lazy circle over Honey's nipple then teased it pert.
He went around. Quicker. This time he pinched it gently. When her breath hitched, he did it a bit harder. His eyes on the people milling about the streets of Lower Manhattan. His touch never waned.
Honey looked up at her husband. She studied the way his lip curled a bit like Elvis. How his nose curved subtly to the left because of a youthful accident near Kensington Gardens.
“Never trust a boomerang. They bloody well do come back!” he declared one night during their first years together.
Present Honey let her nail trace over it, and snickered unexpectedly. She watched Leon's eyebrows meet in the middle with thoughts of what was on with his missus. His eyes shifted a sideways glance at her, but his lip turned outwards in the tiny pout that preceded a smile.
“Whot?!” he exclaimed when Honey retraced the old break. She giggled a little more. “I WAS SEVEN! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GONNA WORK!” Leon shouted. “Dad told me I ruined my Greek face with a Roman nose.”
Honey stopped dead and gasped. Her jaw fell open in feigned shock. “Excuse me!? Romans took the Greeks, and we made them better!”
Leon reached his hands down over his wife’s ass. Their bodies flush with each other so he could knead it. “You certainly made this Greek better.”
Honey raised up on her tiptoes (despite her four inch heels) to throw her arms around Leon's neck. He was taken aback when Honey did a little hop so her lips could meet. He lifted her off the ground while her mouth opened enough for him to slip her his tongue. Hers fought back.
Back and forth their tongues went while they kissed on Bleecker street across from the apothecary. A few cars drove passed and whistled. Honey let go enough to flip someone off. Leon laughed in her mouth.
His oxygen became hers, and Honey remembered what it had all been like. When was the last time she and Leon sparred with their mouths? Were desperate to be inside of each other?
She was the first to break the kiss. Back on the ground. She took Leon and led him off the street in a doorway to a shuttered bodega. Honey pushed him up against the brick wall then began undoing his dress pants. She delved in to grab his cock which easily hardened in her grip.
“Want a blow job?” she purred at him. Her touch stroked along his shaft.
“We're.. We're not that far from the flat. I.. can,” Leon moaned. He glanced down to see Honey lowering herself to her knees. “You'll ruin your dress.”
She had freed his cock to lick at the head. “I'll buy another.”
Honey took Leon completely in her mouth so that he hit the back of her throat. She gagged a little; his hips shuddered. He bucked and she created a vacuum with her mouth. She let go before letting the tip of her tongue run the length of his erection and around the tip. She looked up at him from where she knelt while spreading the foreskin to lick at the sensitive part inside.
“People know us around here,” Leon whined. His hold on the back of her head tightened and twisted up in her hair.
“Oh no! Local sexy Columbia professor gets sucked off by his goddess-like wife and East Village club owner.” Honey punctuated every few words with a swipe of her tongue on his cock. This was followed by soft sucking motions over the head and further down. “Wait until they find out we met making a porno.”
She stopped suddenly and stood to lead her husband back out onto the sidewalk towards home. Leon whimpered; Honey laughed. “Now that's for the restaurant! But you're right, a few more blocks and we're home. Then we're gonna fuck good and hard all over the flat.”
Leon picked up the pace.
----
Honey stumbled backwards into the stairwell up to their apartment. Leon invaded her space as he bent over to mesh his mouth with hers. He blindly fumbled for the zipper to her dress as she unbuttoned his shirt. He kicked his shoes off, then his pants and tugged the dress off his wife's body so she was naked in the foyer except for her wedged heels.
Honey took a step back to catch her breath. She pushed the shirt back off Leon's shoulders and kissed them. Once he stepped out of his boxers, she let her mouth hurry along his collarbone. She stopped only to nibble and bite at the base of his neck.
He sighed letting his hands run up and down her bare back. They settled where the small of her back curved inwards. Leon held her to his chest when Honey reciprocated.
Another instance lost to their busy schedule. Neither could remember the last time they embraced like this. Not just a hug. Luckily they were affectionate with each other if only in passing. But not like this. Just touching one another in their nakedness.
Leon backed Honey onto the stairs where he sat her down on his shirt. Like her dress, he could buy another. He just wanted a clean place for her to rest. He lifted her ankle thanking the gods her shoes had laces around it instead of those damnable straps even she had a hard time with.
Honey sat forward to stop him. “I want to leave them on.”
Leon frowned, “Whot?”
Honey laughed and got up to face him as she made her way up the steps. She bit her lip as he followed. The light in the well helps her see every inch of her partner.
The erection she created out on the street as it strained and twitched for her. His muscular arms couldn't quite catch her because she remained out of his reach the further up she climbed. His sly smile with the curved top lip. A smile that reached green eyes that transformed from indescribable colors to a shade darkened by desire.
Honey wasn't paying attention to the pile of troll dolls that were set up just outside their door. She was too busy squealing when Leon finally caught up to her. He growled and snapped his jaw at her thigh from a few feet down. She couldn't see anything but her 34 years flash across her eyes when she tripped and toppled and cried out.
“DAMMIT, SELINA!!”
Leon practically flew to snatch her up in his arms before she could properly fall. She had opened the door at least and instead of down the stairs they tumbled on to the front hallway floor. Leon cushioned her as best as he could when they landed.
“I told her if she left those creepy things out there someone was gonna get killed! OOOO!” Honey let out a frustrated scream.
“Are you alright?” Leon pretended to inspect his wife’s body. “No lumps?” He distracted her by capturing one of her breasts in his mouth while they laid side by side on the hardwood and throw-rug. He crawled on top of Honey and snuck a hand inside of her thighs. His fingers dove inside of her like back at the restaurant. “No bruises?”
Honey felt her sex throb. Her back arched with one leg thrown around Leon's waist. “If you finger fuck me harder, I'll forget all about it.”
Leon complied. He slid them easily in and out; she had grown so wet for him already. His wife twisted and dug her nails into his back. Her hips bucking now like his had outside.
“Your ego is going to bruise,” he said low in her ear.
“Whhhhyyyy?!” She replied in a high pitched moan.
“You mentioned our daughter before we got home.”
“WE WERE IN THE STAIRWELL!”
Leon rolled off of his wife and got to his feet. He helped her up and made like he was going to kiss her. Honey ducked out of his way. “We don't live out on those stairs do we?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “You lost, and I want my first snog.”
Honey dodged him once more and slithered out of his arms. “Cheeky bastard. That's cheating!” She moved towards the living room.
“That's not! It's called tactical. One again, WHO’S CIA TRAINED NOW?! NOW COME BACK HERE AND SNOG ME, WOMAN!”
“BUGGER OFF!” Honey screamed but launched into hysterical laughter as she gave chase through the apartment.
“Minx!” Leon shouted. He ran after her out on to the fire escape where she was out of his grasp once more.
He chased Honey to the roof. Once up there he looked around the garden they had built. Their own secret away from Manhattan created by the two of them, The Littles and Klaus. Ivy and wildflowers and a patch for vegetables and fruit. It wasn't much, but wildflowers always blossomed where they were planted and the bees that followed made honey tended to by his own sweet, sticky woman.
“Grazia, dove sei? Te voglio, ma donna selvaggia.” Leon called out to his wife in Italian. Then Greek: “Μου χρωστάς ένα φιλί”
Gracie, where are you? I want you, my wild woman. You owe me a kiss!
“Sono qui amore mio!” Honey called back from under the Bougainvillea covered arbor. “Say te voglio bene, Leo.” A nickname her father teased him with. “I want you always.”
“I DO want you. From the moment I saw you. Your hair was all plaited up around your head with this crown of daisies in your hair. Like Khloris, the goddess of flowers.”
Leon finally found Honey laying on the bench under the wooden structure. She was twisted at the waist with one leg curved, the other stretched out. She was propped up on her elbow. Her long black hair covered her breasts down to her sides almost. The rest of it splayed out on the seat.
He stood by her side now. “Now you're Aphrodite, aren't you?”
Leon let his touch trace over her olive skin curves. He studied her dark pubic hair between the softness of those curves. Brushed his fingers through it before sitting down next to her. He kissed the thickness of his wife’s hip.
Honey rolled on to her back. Her fingers in Leon's hair encouraged him to move his lips to her stomach and chest. He captured one of her nipples in his mouth and sucked till it hardened. Then he bit it gently until she cried out.
Leon laid on top of Honey. She drew his mouth to hers when he attempted to head back down her body. She craved the battle their tongues waged before. So they did.
Honey locked her ankles to Leon's hips and begged for him to push inside of her. She took the head of his cock to guide it inside of her slick entrance. “Please?” she beseeched.
Leon pushed up so he could look at her. “You don't want me to go down on you?”
“I do. Later. We can reenact that scene from our film debut. I just need you inside of me. I want to remember what we used to be like. Before we raised the moon and the sun and became mortal.”
Leon kissed Honey. Then again. And again. Small, quick, innocent kisses. He took her wrists and pinned them to the bench above her head. His free hand did with his cock what she had been doing moments before. He taunted her entrance with the first inch or so of his cock.
Honey pleaded for Leon to just do it already. He pressed his forehead in the crook of her neck just as he buried himself in her walls. “We are the pantheon wrapped up in human bodies. We will never be mortals.”
Honey cried out. She dragged her nails over Leon's shoulder blades as he lost himself up to the hilt with each thrust. The friction and movements grew steadily faster. Harder. Not quite violent, but their bodies crashed together repeatedly. As if the pain of Leon's pelvis slamming into Honey’s reminded them of who they are.
“Leon.. Stop,” Honey said breathlessly.
All movement ceased. “Am I hurting you?” he looked down at her apologetically.
She pushed the sweat soaked hair back from his forehead. The smell of sex and sweat and rain in the air coursed through Honey’s veins. She littered Leon's chest and neck with tiny pecks.
“No, I feel really good. I want to switch positions?”
The way she asked was almost sheepish. It made Leon smile as he pulled out of her and helped her up. Now he laid down so she could straddle him. The bench wasn't wide enough for her to kneel like she usually did, so Honey would quite literally treat Leon like a horse.
She positioned herself over his cock. Used the head to caress her slit. Honey watched Leon bite his entire bottom lip. His chest heaved with heavy breaths that only quickened when she finally sank down on to him. His fingers dug so deep into her curves, he was practically up to his first knuckle.
Honey found a pace that was slow and steady. She balanced herself with palms flat on her husband’s chest. She drove forward so that he filled her totally. Then back until only the head stayed inside. She thrust forward swift and vigorous until every inch was covered by her sex Honey felt herself pulsate around Leon.
She let herself be physically manipulated by her husband now. He rocked her back and forth until their rhythm was breakneck.
Neither of them realized the skies had opened up and it started to pour. The rain cascaded through the arbor on to them as they discovered each other on the bench in the middle of their own Garden of Eden.
And Honey understood as she arched her back and anchored herself on Leon's thighs. Her body was undulating with abandon. The two of them fucking; their bodies crashing together like the thunder. She understood what it meant to gain knowledge from the forbidden fruit.
Somewhere, in some ripple in time, or flip of the coin, she and Leon had been split in half. Honey was made from him. Pulled from his soul and fashioned for him. He had been taken from HER soul and fashioned for her. This was what she meant the night Selina had been born: their stolen pieces would always mend together in every generation.
He spilled into her, crying out her name. Her real name. She threw back her head and released a cry a few minutes later drowned out by the sound of a storm. They twitched and sighed and smiled in that lazy post orgasmic way.
Now they stood, Honey a bit off balance and giggling as Leon righted her. His hair a matted mess stuck to his face and neck which she tried desperately to manage. But he kissed her instead like the night they met and the night they fell in love. How they would kiss for the next fifty years.
“I think a hot bath is in order!” he bellowed over the noise.
For the second time that night, Honey couldn't resist.
Tag: @magic-multicolored-miracle @love-is-dirty-baby @a-ghoulish-tale @elliethesuperfruitlover @neuroticpuppy @nightmonsters @super-unpredictable98 @duck-noises @falloutby @vonkimmeren @bisexualnathanyoung @rob-private @maerenee930 @messengeronthemoon @frogs--are--bitches @firstpersonnarrator @feed-davis-and-steve
#robert sheehan#robert sheehan character fic#leon x honey#moonbrella universe#robert sheehan fluff#robert sheehan smut#100+ followers event#klaus hargreeves
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