madotsuk-i
to love is death
i feel so funny these days personal/aesthetic side / read about
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high-lady-of-prythian
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Orasmyn
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i had my first nonpersonal dream in a long time the night before last
#i was not me#i knew no one irl#and my friend was not fully human#it's an escape for me and i'm really glad it's coming back#i've been off since february... unsurprising but good to keep in mind#the last two weeks were really bad but i'm on the mend now#no queue for now but i am doing better#i still wish it was easier for me to talk... and to be there for people i care for#but i don't have the emotional availability yet. i'm still unreliable#as everyone advances in life#i just hope they wait for me to catch up#apparently i've had issues talking since december... i'm far behind#i won't be forever though
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i'm going to be gone for a while but i'll come back with a queue
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if i could feel anger, this would be the best time for it
#i feel red emotions but not rage itself#at least not in a while#i just lost all trust in a parent#i just kind of want to cry#but i should be angry at everything they put me through#i need to be#it'd be easier#so much easier#fuck#parent ment#neg#talking#nine panic attacks in feb btw. i'm exhausted
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panic attack
#this shit hurted#i knew it was going to get worse#but not This worse#anyways i have more dentist stuff tmrw#and apparently i am terrified ? and that's on childhood trauma#i'm already overwhelmed orz ...#it'll be fine i hope :x#also queue will be back up soonish but i'm tired right now sorry
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awawa
#everything is so Loud !!!#usually i can calm myself down faster via music / video distractions#but it's just adding to the overwhelming#so i wore myself completely out instead#i'm about at the end i think#i just want to sleep but i don't want to ruin my schedule#i feel regret for literally no reason#ah ... the anxiety's leaving my system and i'm crashing as i type#talking
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panic attack
#pain on right half of chest is anxiety / panic ...#left is actually my heart and physical condition ( not scary dw )#still figuring this out#i am so tired and overwhelmed#i have wisdom teeth surgery which isn't a big deal normally#but i've had many amd the recovery is very slow for me#and i have to be numbed but awake for it#it's just so overwhelming#i just want to turn everything off for a day or two#hoping just sleeping will help but my dreams haven't :(#maybe they'll calm down for one night#talking
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panic attack
#day 2#i'm struggling against this one but it definitely counts rip#idk if it's from dysphoria or the circumstances or if it just is#meaning no reason#but idk. maybe it's related to concern about the future#oh well#i'm queuing stuff again#talking
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panic attack
#or maybe i'm faking haha#anyways i'm going to rb every time i have whatever this is#so i can keep track#especially since a trigger is coming back soon#haha#fuck#talking
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死体
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some stuff i finished yesterday @ 2am U___U<3 im back on my grind guyz<3
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