#thank god for gay baseball shows
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Don’t mind me, just finding every D’Arcy/Abbi pic on Instagram to fulfill my need for more Greta/Carson content.
#a league of their own#carson x greta#greta x carson#d’arcy carden#abbi jacobson#a league of their own the series#aloto#I just#I just love them so much#we deserve this much gayness in a show#it’s been a rough year#slash many years#thank god for gay baseball shows
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This Ficlet Friday sounds like so much fun!
How about 1. 'I leave you alone for five minutes...' for Klaine?
Here ya go! Thanks for the prompt, @annepi-blog!
You can read it either on A03, or below the pretty picture! 😊
To play, click here
The clangs and shrieks of the alarm system at Christie's Auction House filled the corridors, echoing through the mostly empty building. They were just as loud as the beating of Kurt and Blaine's hearts as they raced down corridor after corridor while they attempted to escape.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Kurt growled through his teeth as he ran, slipping slightly on the polished marble floor as he turned another corner. “I leave you alone for five minutes . . . FIVE MINUTES, Blaine. What on earth did you do?”
Blaine at least had the common decency to look a little sheepish. "I'm sorry, Kurt. It's just. . .”
"Just what? Just what, Blaine?" Kurt shouted as they zipped into a nearby storage closet where they had stashed some vital equipment a few days prior. We had ONE goal, well, two goals, for this job. That was it. Remember? It was supposed to be quick and easy—just in and out."
The two jewel thieves quickly shrugged out of their black overalls, flipping them around so that the bright blue interior of the garments now showed on the outside. Basically, they were returning to the ones of the custodial service staff that they had worn once they reported in for work earlier that evening.
The day billionaire Santana Lopez approached them to "procure" one particular Bulgari emerald and diamond flower brooch and its matching emerald ring for her, Kurt knew then and there he should have turned the job down. Apparently, they were intended as engagement presents for her lover, Brittany Pierce. Ms. Lopez saw the young heiress had fallen in love with the pieces when they had toured the auction house the week prior. Ms. Lopez wanted to keep her girlfriend happy, so Kurt and Blaine's company was contacted, and their services were hired for the evening.
Kurt always swore that Elizabeth Taylor's jewelry collection was sacred and sacrosanct—totally out of reach as a career goal. In his heart of hearts, he knew it wasn't a job they should have taken, but they needed the money, so Kurt folded. He thought he could at least get close enough to salivate and gaze upon the beauty of that collection, even though they only had the job of stealing the brooch and ring combination out of it for Ms. Lopez.
Blaine shoved his curls back into the baseball cap he had worn when reporting to work that evening. "I didn't mean to trip the alarm, Kurt. It was an accident. I swear."
The puppy dog eyes.
Oh god, Blaine turned on the puppy dog eyes because he knew Kurt couldn’t stay mad at him when he did that.
Kurt jammed his cap on his head, pulling it low over his eyes as he sighed in defeat. “I know you didn’t mean to, sweetheart. And I’m sorry I yelled. It’s just . . . We needed this to go off without any problems."
Blaine nodded as he bent over to grab one of the bottles of "cleaning chemicals" from one corner of the closet and began spreading it around the tiny space, taking care not to spill any on him or Kurt. "I know, I know, Kurt. I'm really am sorry.”
A hiss and a crackle were heard in both of their ears as their communication pieces popped to life:
“As much as I love listening to my two favorite gays fight AND make up in the span of five minutes, can we all get a move on?”
Kurt sighed again. “Yes, Artie, we’re on it. What's happening out there?"
"And what's the ETA of the cops?" Blaine said as he fumbled around in his pockets for his lighter.
“Puck's trying to stall by causing a scene because the po-po are ALREADY THERE . . . so can we all get a move on and set this bitch aflame?”
“Can we not use the terms, 'po-po' and ‘set this bitch aflame'? I think you've been watching too many movies, Artie," Kurt pleaded as Blaine snorted. He did just that, grabbing a mop and pushing Kurt out the door as he tossed the lighter back into the room, the flame igniting the chemical-soaked contents within.
They followed Artie's directions down individual hallways empty of custodial staff until they found a staircase. They followed it down to the lobby, blending in with the other night staff taking the same route out of the building.
As they approached the exit, the men could see a handful of others waiting to leave, the cops eying everyone warily. The head security guard was swearing up a storm at the people gathered.
“What the hell happened?” he yelled. “And will someone turn off that goddamned alarm?!”
As the ear-splitting cacophony ceased, the workers shook their heads, staring at one another, many unsure of how to explain the mess to their superior.
“Um . . . I think it was me, sir?" Blaine meekly waved his hand.
“Goddamn it, Davis.”
“It was an accident, Mr. Puckerman." Kurt chimed in, his hands still clutching a dirty rag and spray bottle. We were just cleaning the 4th-floor gallery and . . .”
“I kind of nudged one of the paintings with my mop," Blaine held up the offensive article gingerly, a pained expression on his face. "And it fell of the wall."
"We fixed it right away, though. It's all straight and everything now." Kurt tried to reassure the head of security. "Promise."
"I don't give a rat's ass about your promises, Turner," Puckerman glared darkly at Kurt. “This is the third strike for you two. Turn in your badges. You’re fired.”
“Aww, but sir, it really was an accident . .” Blaine pleaded.
“Yeah, you can’t just get rid of us for that," Kurt piped up with a frown. Some of the surrounding custodial staff began to agree, a growing sound of discontent rising among them all.
"Oh well, you see, I can, and just did," Puckerman shouted, holding his hand out for their ID badges. Both men unclipped them from their jumpsuits and handed them over as ordered. "Go and clean out your lockers, “ Puckerman barked at the two, who flinched and stepped away quickly.
Before Kurt and Blaine could say any more in their defense, yet another alarm began to sound, and a red light began to flash. The assembled crowd began to rush to the front door despite the police presence in front of them.
“Fuck!” Puckerman shouted. “That’s the fire alarm. Everybody out!”
The chaos that ensued as policemen hustled people out as quickly as possible gave Blaine and Kurt the out they were looking for. They easily slipped away and into the night.
Once they felt they were far enough away, Kurt and Blaine removed their jumpsuits, discarding them in a dumpster they had allocated for the occasion. They knew that the next day's early garbage pick up would bring it straight to an incinerator, their tracks quite easily covered once the contents all went up in smoke.
A few subway stops later, they finally were back home in Brooklyn. Kurt groaned as he collapsed onto the couch. He reached into his shirt, pulled a padded drawstring pouch hanging around his neck, and dropped it on the coffee table beside him. Kurt quickly pulled a pillow over his head as Blaine perched on the couch beside him.
"God, that was exhausting. We're back home, Artie. Go ahead and wire Noah the cash for the loud and dramatic scene at the exit. Oh, and drop Ms. Lopez a line. See where she wants to do the exchange, but remind her that nothing changes hands until we see the rest of our payment in our account."
"You got it, boss," their tech guru chimed in before signing off for the night.
Kurt reached in, removed his earpiece, and tossed it toward the table. He heard a soft clatter, confirming that it hit its mark instead of the floor.
"What a night," Kurt sighed, his voice still muffled from the pillow. "I think I am ready for a shower, cheesecake, and bed."
"Well, before that . .”
Kurt felt the weight of the couch shift as Blaine stood up and got off the couch, only to move somewhere nearby, judging by the soft, close rustle of his clothing. When Kurt peeked out from under the decorative pillow to see Blaine, down on one knee before him, a small silk bundle in his hands.
“B . . . Blaine?" Kurt said, eying the small package warily as he sat up. The cushion slid from his hands, softly landing on the floor at his boyfriend's feet. His heart began to thump loudly in his chest.
This couldn’t be.
Could it?
Blaine took a deep breath, a soft smile gracing his features. “Kurt. I . . . fuck, I know this isn't conventional and all . . because of what we do. But ever since I met you, you've been this brilliant, beautiful force of nature that's just barrelled into my life and swept me off my feet. I love you so so much. I . . would love to have you by my side for the rest of my days. Will you marry me?”
Blaine gently unwrapped the small item in the palm of his hand. As the silk fell away, Kurt could spy a necklace of pale inscribed circles linked to an impressive gold chain.
“Blaine . . . is that what I think it is?”
Blaine nodded. “The Edith Head Ivory Disc Necklace . . . " he confirmed. “From the auction house. I . . . I know it's your favorite piece from Elizabeth Taylor's collection. And there's no way we could have afforded to bid for it in the auction itself. Everything there will go for millions of dollars we don't have. But this . .”
Kurt trembled as he reached out a hand, his fingertips reverently stroking the ivory discs rimmed with gold. “Blaine . . you stole this? For me?”
“Sweetheart, I’d steal the moon and the stars for you if you wanted them.”
“Blaine . . “
After he let the scrap of silk slip to the floor, Blaine gently unclasped the necklace, holding it out to his boyfriend.
“Kurt, I know it isn’t an engagement ring, but, well, you haven't actually answered my question. . .”
"Oh god," Kurt said, tears streaming down his cheeks. Yes, yes, you incredible man. I'll marry you!"
Blaine grinned from ear to ear as he leaned forward and gently fastened the necklace around Kurt's neck. Capturing Kurt's face in his hands, Blaine softly kissed his new fiancee joyously.
“Blaine . . .”
“Yes, Kurt?”
“Is this the reason why the alarms went off tonight?”
Blaine pulled away, blushing. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Um, yeah, " Another apologetic expression crossed Blaine's face. "I kind of miscalculated my angles, and then my hand slipped and. . . God, such an rookie mistake . .I promise not to do it again."
Kurt pulled Blaine up and back onto the couch in a sitting position. He swung one leg and easily positioned himself in his fiancée's lap, straddling Blaine. Slowly, Kurt undid a few buttons on his shirt, pushing the clothing back so the gold necklace lay flat against his chest. Kurt trailed his fingers lightly against his skin, tracing the shining collar with his fingertips before unbuttoning the rest of his shirt. Blaine watched, his eyes darkening and his hands gripping Kurt's waist tightly.
"Oh, sweetheart," Kurt purred as the shirt fell to the floor behind him. I'll hold you to that." He leaned forward to nip at Blaine's neck, grinding his hips in a downward motion. Blaine groaned in response as he clutched Kurt closer. His breath hitched as Kurt whispered in his ear, "You're lucky I love you a lot more than I do pretty, shiny things."
*********
END NOTE:
If you caught it, the Edith Head Ivory Disc Necklace was a deliberate choice, if we all remember one of the deleted scenes from the show :)
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Bunch of new pieces this week!
Good evening!
Apologies for the lack of email last week, and the lack of bonus erotica episode too - I'm traveling back and forth at the moment as I try to sort out flat stuff, and unfortunately my asthma is kicking my ass at the moment and making it really hard to sit and record audio even when I have the time. I'm hoping after some rest my chest will chill out a bit and I'll be able to record by next week, but unfortunately it's not predictable.
I had a great time at Bristol Pride and met some of you guys, so if that was you, thanks so much for saying hello!
I will be at Leeds Pride in August, too, so looking forward to that.
Before I get to media recommendations and my new works published in the past two weeks, just your reminder that I am now running a trans erotica publication on Medium!
I'm reccing a favourite in my Media Recs section below, but since starting off, there's 20 new erotic pieces there to peruse, and I'm so, so excited to see a broad swathe of authors and works as time goes on and the publication reaches more people.
Trans Erotica on Medium
Please don't feel that you have to be transmasc or MLM to submit just because I am, by the way, I'd love to see more transfem and trans woman authors, as well as lesbians and WLW, submitting too!
Here are the Submission Guidelines, and here's a basic guide to Medium to get you started if you're new to the platform. Want a prompt to get you started? Here's the July 2023 prompt set.
Media Recs
Fashioning a Fop by Damien Locke- Short fiction. An 18th century tale of a trans man discovering himself through dressing in men’s clothing for the first time. This piece is fucking spectacular, so gorgeously written and with such wonderful 1700s-style prose, very hot, very fun!
What's in the Tea? by Achilles King - Short fiction. 18+ Erotica. Cis M/M and Cis M/Trans M. This is a gorgeous little piece playing with massage and the drugging effects of a particular tea, and I love the power play in this one.
The Music Man (1962, dir. Morton DaCosta) - A musical! I've been in the mood for musicals the past few days, and I enjoyed this one a lot more than I expected - a lot of the music has really stuck with me, I love the brass band stuff and the rapid patter pace of the show, especially because I love a conman. With that said, Marian Paroo is a ridiculous name for a woman - the librarian love interest should be a man. I also watched and enjoyed Sweet Charity (1969, dir. Bob Fosse), and I never realised Big Spender was from this show! So that was fun.
I had a gay movie marathon with my boyfriend, Lewis, so first we watched A League Of Their Own (1992, dir. Penny Marshall) and Thelma and Louise (1991, dir. Ridley Scott). These are both great films, obviously - A League of Their Own is a semi-biographical story about the first female baseball league in the USA during the war, and the second is a crime drama with two besties/lovers stuck in an escalating spiral after one of them shoots an attempted rapist. Lewis was surprised that Thelma and Louise is actually gay, so just FYI, it really is actually gay! It's not a happy ending and it's not uncomplicated, but Thelma and Louise are such great characters, and I love them a lot.
We also watched a favourite of mine, which is Gods and Monsters (1998, dir. Bill Condon), starring Ian McKellen and Brendan Fraser. If you love sexy manipulative old gay men fucking with the heads of younger mostly straight men who don't know how to deal with being the object of a man's desire, who are terrified of queerness on so many levels, but are also drawn to the novel and new? Yeah, baby. This is the flick for you.
Goetia (2016) - This is a point-and-click videogame that I played on PS4, although I also have it on PC, and I just finished it today. If you're interested in demonology and you love a 20th century haunted house, this is a short game with some great character writing and a really engaging mystery - a lot of it is pretty fucking creepy, and while the ending didn't entirely land for me, I enjoyed the game enough that I do want to recommend it. This is fucking difficult as a puzzle game, though, so definitely keep a notepad and pen handy.
We also caught the Super Mario Bros. (2023, dir. Michael Jelenic and Aaron Horvath) movie, and it was grand - it was honestly very well-paced, funny, and they did a lot of creative stuff with the source material, plus I'm obviously disgustingly horny for Bowser at all times, so it was good food for my libido.
With that said, it was a bit too aggressive with the heterosexuality, and the racial politics of the whole thing are... Fucking bad. Like, there's a lot to unpack there that I'd need a whole essay to pick apart, and as a white dude I really don't know that it's my place - there's always been some racism in the franchise, like the British studio's addition of a lot of anti-Black coding in making Donkey Kong 64, but just the whole vibe of the Mushroom Kingdom's worship of Princess Peach is like... Weird.
And lastly, I watched and loved The Wicker Man (1973, dir. Robin Hardy), and I have an extensive review below.
New Works Published
June's Top Short Story: Agony and Ecstasy
June's most popular short story of mine was Agony and Ecstasy!
Erotic short. An abbot takes a stranded sailor on for… personal duties.
6k, M/M, rated E! Age difference, virginity kink, some naivety, some oral and anal, first time enthusiasm.
On Medium / / On Patreon
TweetFic: Notes of Lavender
A secretary bonding and connecting with the only male secretary at work. 1960s. Featuring lavender marriages and LESBIANS.
On Twitter
New Podcast: A Stranger's Visit: The Story, Episode 4
Fantasy short. A priest of Freyr receives a strange visitation.
3.6k, rated T. MB. Originally published May 29th, 2021. A little bit of Norse godliness versus Norse priestliness. Featuring Esben. Adapted from a TweetFic.
RSS Feed / / On Spotify / / On Google Podcasts / / On YouTube
New Podcast: Temple Service: The Story, Episode 5
Romance short. A servant at the temple to Hephaestus lusts after an olive-tender.
Rated M, 2.2k, cis M/M, some ancient Greeks! Originally publiushed June 3rd, 2022. A temple servant and a grove-worker, lots of teasing and banter and flirting.
RSS Feed / / On Spotify / / On Google Podcasts / / On YouTube
Romance Short: Sickbed Trade
One sailor tends to another in his sickbed.
Just a little M/M piece with some love and intimacy. 500w.
On Medium / / On Patreon
Film Review: The Wicker Man (1973, dir. Robin Hardy)’s Spit in the Face of Cops and Colonialism
Exploring The Wicker Man’s themes of authority and control on its 50th anniversary.
On Medium / / On Patreon / / On Tumblr
Erotic Short: Intensive Care
A paediatric nurse takes some time after work with the Head of Psychiatry.
3.4k, cis M/M. Some fucky power play between coworkers, both of them very aware of each other’s character flaws, featuring age difference, size difference, riding, oral, anal, lots of physical intimacy and affection, with a hint of overstim at the end.
CW for mentions of past trauma, implied rape and sexual abuse, and incest. None of these things are explicit or present-day, and they’re discussed in the context of unpacking a trigger and some invasive thoughts.
On Medium / / On Patreon
Essay: The Relief of a Queer Audience as a Fruity Stand-Up Comic
Explaining one's existence takes time.
I’m a stand-up comedian.
Last week, I did some comedy at a queer-run, queer-centred open mic — suddenly, a twelve-minute set fit into six, because I was in a room full of queer people who knew exactly what I was talking about...
On Medium / / On Patreon
Erotic Short: Public Performance
A vampire shows off his toy for a club.
1k, cis M/trans M. A vampire fucks his trans boyfriend in a crowded nightclub as people dance below them.
Featuring some chem sex with the drugging effects of a vampire belt, public sex, fingering and vaginal sex, overstimulation, and implications of a fevered gangbang in the aftermath.
On Medium / / On Patreon
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Eloise,
I just wanted to say thank you for your blog. This is going to sound insane but the pipeline to finding your account went like this:
I've been struggling with lots of stuff ranging from my girlfriend of a few years breaking up with me to me heavily struggling with being sexualized by people close to me. All in all, I was looking for posts about womanhood and the like but as a femme sapphic woman, I felt so connected to your account. The aesthetics of it just really made me feel at ease and happy.
I was just curious, do you have any favorite pieces of media like books or movies you really love? I'm just trying to surround myself with stuff like that to help me feel better.
Sorry for all of that, just wanted to spread some love and appreciation. :))
- 🪻
Hello you gorgeous soul, thank you so much for taking the time to write this, you've made my day 💖 This blog is truly just me compiling pretty things that bring me joy, so it's lovely to think that it can have a similar effect on others.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time, in addition to sending you virtual hugs and kisses (xoxoxo), I have no shortage of media recommendations (especially with themes of sapphic womanhood) to offer you:
Anne with an E (2017-2019)
This is my go-to whenever I'm feeling anxious. Not only are the aesthetics absolutely gorgeous, but I adore the way it focuses on female friendships and finding your own identity. It's not afraid to address dark topics but always has an overall message of love and acceptance. I especially love how this adaptation represents queer identity too (Anne and Diana are girlfriends to me. and god bless Cole and Josephine).
I highly recommend the original novel Anne of Green Gables too! The show definitely captures the vibes perfectly so if you like one, you'll like the other.
A League of Their Own (2022)
I couldn't care less about baseball but I do love queer found family and women solidarity, and this has it in spades. All the characters are so loveable and it's just a nice heartwarming story (and very sad at points, but definitely uplifting as a whole).
Heartstopper (2022–)
Truly the ultimate queer comfort show. I don't have any particular thoughts about it that haven't been expressed by other people more eloquently. But my opinions can be summarised simply as: it's good, it's really good, it's so wholesome, the characters are so loveable, I love it.
Emma (2020)
This film is so goddamn pretty. I could watch it on mute and still have a great time just from all the beautiful costumes and cinematography. But the plot is delightful too. Dare I say that this film captures Jane Austen's wit and satire better than any other adaptation. I love how all of her novels portray women finding their way in the world and navigating relationships with friends and family, but I think Emma is especially great in this regard. (Also, Emma and Harriet are girlfriends to me).
Again, I would also recommend the novel Emma. It's quite a challenging read if you're not used to the writing style, but delightful once you get into it. And if we're talking Jane Austen novels, Persuasion is also a favourite of mine (definitely don't watch that film though).
Dating Amber (2020)
This is a tragically underappreciated Irish, queer, coming of age indie film. It's basically about a gay guy and lesbian who pretend to date each other in high school in 1990s Ireland. It's very funny (also sad at times) but ultimately very heartwarming.
Because I'm a sucker for a gay/lesbian beards found family trope, I also recommend these book: The Inverts (1920s lavender marriage, very funny, Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo vibes) and Gwen & Art Are Not in Love (Arthurian legend beard relationship, also very funny and camp, BBC Merlin vibes [if you get me]).
And if you like Dating Amber, you'll probably also like Handsome Devil. Another Irish, queer, coming of age indie film (but mlm-centric). It stars the same actor as Dating Amber (Fionn O'Shea), alongside a baby-faced Nicholas Galitzine and Andrew Scott. Imagine Dead Poets Society vibes, except instead of being about Romantic poetry, it's about New Romantic music. And explicitly gay and with a happier ending. (Sorry, this is like four recommendations in one).
The House in the Cerulean Sea
This book is described on the cover as 'like being wrapped up in a big gay blanket', and that is a very accurate description. Imagine Good Omens except it's Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (I'm half convinced it's ineffable husbands fanfic tbh). This book made me cry happy tears, it's so incredibly heartwarming and uplifting. Top-notch found family and agonisingly slow-burn pining.
Other honourable mentions:
Please Like Me (2013-2016)
One Day at a Time (2017-2020)
Gentleman Jack (2019-2022)
Little Women (2019)
Pride (2014)
Ladybird (2018)
#if anyone has other recommendations feel free to leave them in the replies xx#film recommendations#tv recommendations#book recommendations#anne with an e#a league of their own#heartstopper#emma 2020#dating amber#the house in the cerulean sea
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Hi!
I just saw your reply to an ask about the "stay with me" thing and for no reason at all other than to share this and clog your inbox a lil bit I just wanted to say thanks for your analysis (great as always) and also the first thing I thought of when I read it was a quote from Falsettos which is an oldish musical.
It's on the opposite side of queer coding - one of the main plot points in the show is the complicated relationship between two men, it was written in the 80s amidst the AIDS crisis and actually portays gays as regular people just as funny and happy and annoying as straight people. I highly recommend the show, it's a beautiful and very complicated story about love and found family and baseball games and Judaism and therapy *but* to the best of my memory the two men never directly say I love you to each other (musical purists will come for me and say they do) despite the whole musical being about their relationship but in one of their final songs one of them, Marvin, sings "I'm staying here in this spot / whether you want me to or not / I'm staying" and Whizzer sings "just stay right here"
I don't really know where I'm going with this, I just have no idea why but the whole "stay with me" thing hit me like a truck and I wanted to share this sorry!
Hope you have a lovely day!!✨
Hi lovely! *hugs* How are you?
Awwww, thank you so much! I’m so glad that you liked this post! You’re so welcome, in fact, thank you, I’m always incredibly grateful when I get to learn that I made someone happy! And God, now I have to figure out how I can watch it, don’t I? I’m pretty sure it’s not possible to watch it in my country anywhere. *cries* But I’ll try and keep an eye out. Because I am now DYING to see it. Thank you for bringing it to my attention! And yes, ‘stay with me’ is def a powerful thing, it’s so much “I want you here, I'm telling you that you’re someone that I need” and at the same time it’s also, “for you to stay with me, you’d have to want the same thing just as bad. I’m asking you to want it.” So when one person asks another to stay, and the latter does? EXPLOSIVE. I love it and I’m so glad I get to share thoughts about it with you, and that we all got to see it with Buddie. Like, literally Buck begged Eddie to stay with him, and then Eddie did, he recuperated, and the whole scene of him being awake again was all about him and Buck. HOW IS THIS NOT A LOVE STORY? It is, it’s just not explicitly defined like that yet.
Thank you again, lovely! You absolutely rock and made my day! xoxox
(If you're looking for my ask replies, here is my ask tag! xoxox)
#buddie#911meta#buddie meta#911 meta#9-1-1#evan buckley#eddie diaz#edmundo diaz#evan buck buckley#ask#iwonderifyouwonderaboutme#thank you!#fandom love#kindness#911onabc#911 on abc#911abc#911 abc
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Peacemaker Season 1, Episode 1 Live Post
(this is just a collection of my thoughts as i watch through peacemaker <3)
-the recap of the movie after i put off watching episode 1 so i could watch the movie
-i will start this by saying i did not like him in the movie, he was sorta funny but he’s so fucking douchey which i suppose is the point HOWEVER here’s hoping he’s at least funny or the side characters and plot r good enough for me to power through (spoiler it is and also he’s growing on me)
-john cena ass
-“aqua man fucks fish? I DONT BELIEVE IT” JDJWONCKS ok fine FINE . this is a little funny
-ok this opening scene is funny hehe
-the way he’s walking out of the hospital is so fucking funny like a kid who just stole a toy in a shop and is trying to get the hell out
-HES DANCING
-THE OPENINF CREDITS???,,,,,
-i see my man Adrian in the background tho 🗣️🗣️
-these opening credits are. something fr….i enjoyed it tbh IFNWKDNSJD so fucking dumb i love
-DANIELLE BROOKSSSSS!!!! my beloved
-IS SHE GAY IS SHE GAY GUYS
-SHES GAYYYYYYYTYT OH MY GOD 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
-HE TOOK HIS HELMETJSJXJSJDJD deserved
-the vigilante voicemails JFKWODNKWJD i’m giggling hes <3
-“my life fucking suck!” me core
-i love superhero movies/tv shows where they can curse
-peacemaker winking at harcourt (? is that how it’s spelled) and her flipping him off <3
-john eating his food <3
-LEOTAAAAAA love her she’s so :,) she just has so much love HER LONG SPEECH ABT HOW EXCITED SHE IS TO BE WORKING W THEM JDJDIDJSJD IM GIGGLING
-she is the love of my life
-“how the FUCK am i supposed to fight a mothra without a jet pack?”
-he has a side kick named eagley
-i like the soundtrack
-THE AMEIRCAN FLAG CARRRR IM SICK
-his dad being robert patrick
-NOT THR FACT ATTACK FOX NEWS BULLSHITTTTT
-oh so his dads a cunt got it
-don’t make me feel bad for this mf GOD DAMN KT every time a man has daddy issues i’m like :( i could fix him :(
-EAGLEYYYYY
-EAGLEY IS HUGGING HIMMMMMM :,)
-man FUCK auggie smith
-they’re being mean to leota. i will be killimg james and emilia.
-“nice gaslighting” shut uooisnfownfiwnf
-men bonding with their evil dads 🙄
-IS HE DYING I HOPE HES DEADDDDDDD
-he’s alive.
-u want to spoil myself and see if he beats the fuck out of his dad i hope so 🙏🙏 need someone to edit christopher to that modern baseball song
-“i never gave you a second thought while you were in there” ok and if i kill you, then what????
-ok so his dad is racist got it
-stop everyone is so mean to him why do i feel bad for him
-them being mad he called her sweet cheeks JFJWIFJJWD
-ADRIANNNN
-HES HEREEEEEEEE
-DYE BEARDDDD
-giggling
-“you always gonna be this difficult?” “yep!” MEEEE
-ADRIANS DANCEJDIDNJEJD TWEERK IT AND TWERK IT
-HIS BUTT DANCEDJWIDNIWJDJS
-oh i’m in love with him….
-HIS EXCUSESJSNFKWNDKSNDN oh he’s so funny
-i have feelings for him.
-leota and christopher r gonna be besties <3
-I LOVE HERRRRRR
-“you hubbed up” SHUT UPPODNSIWND
-him explaining HFKWICNWJ
-sorry he just said they called his dick chimp arm
-anyways leota calling him sweet cheeks :,) BESTIESSSSS
-EAGLEY EASILT BEST CHARSCTERRRR HES STICKINF HIS HEAD AND TONGUE OUT THE WINDOWWW
-ew tell me he and emilia aren’t gonna have a weird love interest thing
-OH ok she’s a girlboss
-him falling in love w her like get in like bitch
-“that was so fucking hot” me
-me when women are cunty >>>>>
-“no touching past here….no fuck it it’s gotta be here i have to touch your boobs sorry” JFKWOFNWODNISDB
-major tits
-HIM SCREAMING FREEDOM AS HES HAVING SEXX SHUT UPIDBDIANC
-oooh leota is working double time w amanda waller
-OH
-AMANDA IS HER MOMMMMMNNN
-OH SHIT
-this man and his tighty whities 😭
-“this is back to when men were real men because they weren’t afraid to be women” oeriod peacemaker
-the amount of veins on thid man is crazy
-guys is there a sex scene with adrian i wanna see that man’s dick 🗣️🗣️🗣️ i know he fucks good
-sorry
-IM FISNXOWNDONS
-“i gotta thank you you for tonight. i was having a crazy fucked up day, but when i was in your pussy back there, i felt, i don’t know, fucking hope!” IM IN AWE AT THIS SHOW
-him singing into the vibrator ENDIWNDONW
-oh she’s gonna try to kill him
-HES HOLDING IT ON HIS FACE STOPSBDISND
-the soundtrack once again is rlly good
-kick her ass chris 🗣️🗣️
-GOOD LORD WHI IS THUS
-WHAT THE HELL JS SHE
-SHES TRYINF TI BREAK HIS SKULL
-no bc i’m so confused 😭😭😭
-EAGLEYYY
-OH MY fucking GODDD
-he sonic boomed her ass to a pulp
-AWESOME
-eagley bringing him a dead animal to make him feel better :(((
-ok end credit scene and then final thoughts
-SCABIES
-“this one will give you scabies” “scabies? why would i want scabies” “to challenge urself” BFIWJCOJS
-ok snort that was fun OK FINAL THOUGHTS OF THAT EPISODE
THIS WAS A GREAT FIRST EPISODE!!! they had everyone introduced in a good way, gave some characterization and backstory to everyone without it being too heavy handed, the fight scenes were fun, the characters are all interesting so far!!! 8.5/10 only bc i need more adrian 🙏🙏 OK ONTO EPISODE 2 >:)
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tagged by @gaytaikawaititi hee thank you 💖
3 Ships:
Ed/Stede OBVIOUSLY, i have made them my entire personality and i’d be embarrassed but nah when you get to have a well written mlm romcom couple who are incredible both together and on their own, you make them your EVERYTHING
Ava/Beatrice, slow burn wlw with the show not being remotely shy about establishing them as endgame since s1? i love them so much and i’m still so angry about netflick cancelling the show
Carson/Greta, baseball lesbians..... i also need to marry Greta because i really love high femme women i am. very gay and weak and i wont her 😩
First Ever Ship: tv show wise- House/Wilson of Hate Crimes MD, anime/manga wise- NaruSasu yeah i know the most bland Naruto ship i was 10 okay
Last Song: howling by SYML lmao god i’m so obsessed with that song i need to get a grip. and yes i AM thinking about Ed and Stede every time i listen to it
Last Movie: The Woman King, it’s good but there’s also valid issues that ppl have brought up about it
Currently reading: fic- fallow land & bigger sky by getmean: it’s a WIP but it’s Ed-centric so do you expect me to NOT read it? i love this authors work but hoo boy this fic hurts my feelings and i just want to hug Ed and make him not suffer the way he is :(( novel- gonna try and start The Traitor Baru Cormorant
Currently watching: s3 of Dead to Me, tho i fuckin forgot what happened in s2 so i’m rewatching that before i start s3
Currently consuming: chips and salsa with hard apple cider
Currently craving: death /jk i’m craving ice cream but it’s cold af outside what is wrong with me
i’m gonna tag @roguebebe, @armouredheart, @alameins and all the whopper girlies😘 (you don’t have to do it tho<3)
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July 1st, 1985
what the first ep of (my) s3 would look like if the main concept was: both Steve and Will are gay in 1985’s Summer of Love and the town’s enemy is a little more human; loving friendships, very confused adults, and Will Byers Actually Getting Help
“Harrington!”
“Yes, sir.” Steve looked up from his desk. He dropped his crossword and looked to be at attention; the police station’s phone wasn’t ringing, though, so there wasn’t really anything he should have been doing. Hopper stepped out of his office, angling himself toward the door rather than Steve’s desk island.
“Do you think you’ll be able to-- Harrington, what are you doing?” Hopper caught sight of the pocket thesaurus sitting on his desk (the last name written on the inside cover not belonging to Steve, of course). Hopper fixed his sunglasses on the edge of his nose, looking over them and down at Steve.
“I’m just, uh, working on my vocabulary.” Steve said. Hopper blinked twice, waiting. Steve wasn’t going to say the truth: he was dating-- well seeing someone-- way smarter than him. This wasn’t for joy or boredom. He was studying to impress. “It’s college prep, sir.”
“The crossword?” The chief evened his stare. “This your old man’s suggestion?” Of all the things Steve’s father was telling him to do with himself, he wished some of it was simply pecking at a crossword over a twelve hour shift. Fucking off and being a better piece of shit son just wasn’t feasible to accomplish in one summer.
“He swears by it.”
“Okay, well. Uh, moving on from that,” Hopper grabbed his hat from the coat rack. The topic of Steve’s father always made Hopper stiffen up; it was definitely the main reason Hopper gave Steve his job at the station, but it still created more questions. Steve knew Hopper and his father went to high school together, but he never asked his father about those years-- beyond his baseball glory stories. “I’ve got plans tonight and I need to head out early. Can you handle things on your own for a while. At least until the night shift comes in?”
“I’ll be fine.” Steve made sure not to acknowledge the crossword on his desk as he nodded. He was really good at his job, he was. He was also just, unfortunately, still a pretty shitty boyfriend and needed all the vocab help he could get. “What’s the pressing story?”
“I have dinner.” Hopper was already trying to walk out the door. “So don’t call me. For the love of God.”
“Oh, don’t worry, Chief. I--” Steve was sure it was the cool July wind that slammed the door on the last half of his sentence. Not Hopper. “won’t... Have a good time, I guess.”
The police station was empty: it was another boring and wonderfully quiet Monday in Hawkins. There’d been some calls to break up disturbances at city hall in the past few days, but somehow everyone just seemed to agree that Mondays-- the longest shift of Steve's whole week-- was the day everyone went about their quietest day.
There were a few officers milling in and out of the back lounge and front door, casting a quick glance to Steve as he muttered and threatened fourteen down and six across. Nancy had been helping close the gaps of his post-high school education-- without knowing just what for-- but had been picking up most hours at the Post to try and elbow her way into their good graces; it put his tutoring on hold. So here he was, groaning at some clues about classical artists he’d never heard of.
There were other reasons Steve was sure the other officers thought he was odd-- things he was sure his father had passed along in spitting rants-- but Steve didn’t mind. No one said anything to his face.
“Hey Flo! Is, uh, is Steve here?” The question was asked with the answer already in mind.
Steve sat up in his chair, twisting around to see down the hall to the back entrance to the station. There weren’t many parking spots to fill, but he knew a certain someone who preferred it to street parking.
“Jonathan?”
“Oh, I hear him. Thanks-- hey!” Jonathan hurried out from the hall, his camera bumping against his stomach and bag slapping against his leg in the same rhythm. He’d gotten a new haircut recently: semi-wonky bangs and a closer cut in the back. All thanks to Steve’s peer pressure and Mrs. Byers’s kitchen shears.
“What are you doing here?”
“Sorry to stop by your work like this--” he lowered his voice as he stopped at the corner of Steve’s desk. “I know we said we wouldn’t do that, but we got an extra muffin in the lunch order and I know you’re always starving after a Monday shift so.” Jonathan produced a folded brown paper bag from his satchel. “Here.”
“Oh, thanks.” Steve wanted to say so much more, but had to settle. No more. None of what they’d decided they wouldn’t say. Not until the summer had ended. They wanted to see if they lasted longer than the convenience of loose summer schedules.
“Won’t I see you, uh, later, though?” At eight, when Steve got sent home he always drove straight to Jonathan’s. Jonathan started late on Tuesdays and Steve had off; they had the time to waste. “Or is this your way of telling me to stay home?”
“No! No we’re still... hanging out.” Jonathan had gotten really good at cooking and treated Steve to weekly dinner. It was a nice gesture at first, but Steve started growing fond of the company. They both did around mid-June. “But, I think Mike’s going to be over so. Be cool , alright? Keep it cool.”
“Cool, got it.” Steve leaned back in his chair. He moved his papers to leave a corner of his desk for Jonathan to sit on. No one was in the main office; it was a harmless invitation.
“I have to get going...” It sounded like an excuse, a dive for safety. “And I’m sure you have, um, puzzles to do?” Jonathan pretended not to be endeared. He tried, he really did. He failed , but Steve pretended he didn’t notice.
“Don’t want to sit and help me figure out the title of Mozart’s last opera?” He patted the desk, daring to be more direct.
“I really have to go.” Jonathan was genuine, looking at his watch. “The Post only let me out early today because I have to go pick up Will from his doctor’s appointment.”
“Wait.” Steve put the cap back on his pen. “Isn’t Will’s therapy on Wednesday?”
“Yeah, but with Mom’s schedule and the store being all weird-- we had to move it to today. And you know we typically have a family night after-- so he feels okay, you know-- but we can’t . So, that’s why Mike’s coming over. Hopefully they’ll be idiots and tire Will out and he’ll sleep okay.” Tension rose in Jonathan’s voice quickly, explaining his day as if going over a laundry list; never rehearsing it but having it memorized.
“I can stay home if you need time, Jonathan.”
“No, really. I want you to come over.” Jonathan sighed and placed his hand on the emptied spot on Steve’s desk. “Besides, you can’t break tradition after a little over one month , then it was just a weird habit.”
Steve Harrington did not consider his summer fling a w eird habit . If anything, it was the most sensical thing he’d done in a very long time. Even after getting rejected from all his colleges, and never hearing the end of his father’s lectures, 1985 had been very kind to him. And that was mostly due to Jonathan’s inherent nature to be the same.
“I’ll see you after eight.” Steve smiled and reached for his hand-- but averted to grab a piece of memo paper by the phone.
“I’m sorry to leave in a rush.” Jonathan hitched his bag up, checking his watch again. “I just, I really need to get going.”
“Don’t worry. The muffin is more than enough.” Steve said. “And seeing you wasn’t too bad either.”
“Slow day, huh?” Jonathan said. The corner of his mouth quirked with a flattered, embarrassed smile. Steve tried to act nonchalant, like he wasn’t so goddamn relieved to see a familiar and happy face. Especially his familiar and happy face. “Well, good thing I have another surprise for you.”
“You can barely fit your camera in that bag, what could you possibly-- hey!” Steve missed grabbing Jonathan’s arm as he walked away, heading for the front door. “Where are you going?” Jonathan kept walking, checking his watch the whole way. “Hello?”
“Delivered right on time.” Jonathan pushed the front door open to the station-- but was nearly knocked over as a green dash barreled through it.
"Steve! Steve! Steve!” The dash was suddenly grabbing him by the shoulders. “You got the job!”
“Henderson! Oh my god! You’re back!” In an unlikely impulse, Steve grabbed Dustin in a hug, taking advantage of the change of height. “Holy shit, I nearly forgot! First of the month!”
“See you, Steve.” Jonathan walked across the room to the back entrance again. His hand braced the back of Steve’s chair, brushing across his shoulders.
“O-Okay! Yeah, see you!” Steve sputtered, losing his reminded cool in an instant. “Bye.”
Dustin pulled away slowly. “What was that?” It looked like everyone was too smart for Steve.
“Nothing. He brought me a surprise lunch-- which was an obvious decoy to the main event! You! How are you, buddy? How was camp?”
“Oh, it was fantastic. Steve, I have to show you all my inventions! Camp was the best four weeks of my life .” Dustin hopped up onto the corner of his desk. His heels tapped against the empty metal drawers. He was jittery, nearly uncontainable, but still so composed-- if only to be focused all on Steve.
Steve held his hands out, letting him start. “Lay it on me, Henderson! I want to hear everything. I missed you like crazy.”
“Well, first, obviously. I have to tell you about my girlfriend--”
“Whoa! Whoa! Girlfriend ? That fast?” Steve hadn’t been expecting any of his dating advice to work. It had been coming from such a poor and confused part of himself, Steve figured it was destined to fail. Apparently, it was just Steve that was-- when flirting with women at least. “Damn, there’s something in you after all!”
“She’s super smart, Steve. I’ve never met any girl like her. She’s a genius and she’s so pretty. God, I miss her already-- and I just saw her.”
Steve looked over his shoulder. He knew the feeling. “That’s great, man. I mean, I’m super happy for you. Like, that’s crazy . That’s freaking awesome.”
“So what about you? How are the ladies? I mean, you work for the Chief now. All the ladies you could need and more, am I right?”
Steve used to be really good at this part of the lie, but with Dustin it felt cheap. He didn’t need to lie to him, but that was the deal; no matter how much that person was Steve’s best and most beloved friend, their secret was a dead-bolt, vaulted secret.
“Eh, not too great. Only girl my own age I see-- besides Nancy, really-- is the night-shift girl, Robin. But she’s not really-- we’re just friends. She’s alright. Leaves me weird drawings in the memo pad.”
“Ooo, she sounds cool.” Dustin raised his eyebrows. “Do you know her from school?”
“Yeah, we didn’t really run in the same crowds but-- it’s not like that, man. It’s really not.” Steve started unwrapping his lunch. “It’s so not like that with Robin.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m not... looking at the moment.”
Steve had originally decided to not go looking for trouble. After he and Nancy split in the beginning of his senior year, he didn’t start looking for an immediate replacement. The illusion of thinking he was in love with Nancy-- capable of being in love with Nancy-- was a hard thing to have come crumbling down. Steve needed time to get his own bearings, to put his feet firmly on the ground, and have them lifted off when his father grabbed him by the lapels and--
Steve hadn’t gone looking for trouble. Hadn’t gone looking for love either. But somehow, both seemed to find him.
Jonathan was late. He usually wasn’t but Will was trying not to be worried. It was a different day than usual and he knew how awful Jonathan’s boss and co-workers were. Will tried not to be worried-- he wasn't. It was just that he had spent an hour talking about the night his father left their family; standing outside the doctor’s office was a bit nerve-wracking. It felt too familiar, even with all the talking and note-scribbling.
Finally, Jonathan’s car pulled into the lot. He was speeding, as much as his car could speed: he knew he was late, which made Will feel a little bit better. No one had forgotten him. It was just traffic or his bosses or maybe just hitting all the red lights. As Jonathan stopped in front of the curb and waved Will in, Will could see he was jittery-- he was upset that he was late. Will felt bad for counting the minutes.
Not that he did it out of impatience or anything. Will just formed the habit after getting his new watch. It matched Mike’s. Completely on accident, of course.
“Hey, buddy! Sorry I’m late. I was-- I had to run an errand really fast. How long were you waiting.” He moved his bag and threw it onto the backseat. Will would’ve held it on his lap.
“I wasn’t keeping track.” Will said, climbing into the passenger seat. Will wanted to ask if his bag had Jonathan’s camera in it. If everything was okay. He didn’t. It seemed like Jonathan had been in his therapy with Will, just as shaken up. “It’s okay. Thanks for getting me.”
Jonathan waited until Will put on his seat belt. “Of course. We’re always here to pick you up. Therapy is important; you have to go.”
Will laughed before he could stop himself. “You sound like Mom.” Why?
“Because she’s right.” Therapy was still kind of weird to Will-- since no one else in his grade had to do it-- but he humored his family. It was helping, if he had to admit it. But it was still embarrassing sometimes.
His therapist, Dr. Bright-- Rose Marie, as she insisted on being called-- was a send-out from the Lab, but disguised within a private practice just outside of town. She was able to listen to Will talk about what he saw and felt during his time with the Mind Flayer without trying to commit him. Almost nothing was off limits. Almost nothing.
Will checked his watch again.
“Are you excited to see Mike tonight?” The question was pointed, but Will wasn’t sure why it made him nervous. “I mean, I feel like I haven’t seen him in a bit.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s always with El.”
Will was sure they weren’t dating. El was just on a year-long stint of self-discovery and, besides Max, Mike was the person she trusted the most to help make as many helpful mistakes as possible. He bought her books to read and new music to try. It was really sweet, seeing Mike take such big strides toward helping their friend. But there was also a part of Will that felt dejected: his sort of help had to be prescribed and couldn’t be replaced with a warm laugh from one Mike Wheeler.
Will was sick while his friends were growing.
“Is there something wrong?” Jonathan used to ask the question like Will was one trembling lip away from crying-- but this time, he asked it like Will had his hand on the door, seconds from jumping out. “Will, are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Will nodded. “I’m fine. Just-- I talked a lot today and I’m tired.”
“Do you want to cancel with Mike--”
“No.” Will had been looking forward to having time with Mike-- just Mike-- for a whole week. He wanted to sit on his floor with his best friend and be a kid again. Just for the night-- maybe draw some of Mike’s old campaigns or sketch out an idea for his own. He just wanted to remember something good about the past four years. After his hour with Dr. Bright, it all felt painful. Like his childhood naivety had been broken and every conversation he overheard in his house dripped with venom and disdain.
Will didn’t like picturing his house that way. It was a place that loved and raised him, a place he felt safe. He didn’t like thinking the conversations he heard being screamed through the walls were trapped in the drywall.
His arms felt heavy and his chest felt like it was made of metal-- he kept tasting it in his mouth. Will leaned back against the seat and reached for the radio. Jonathan turned it down before Will had even changed the station.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I just want to see Mike.” Will said, his mouth too honest and his mind shrouded in guilt. “I just want to see my friend.”
“Okay. Okay.” Jonathan nodded somewhat somberly. “I understand. Let’s go pick him up. He’s at his house right? Not El’s-- o-or The Sinclair’s or anything?”
“No. He’s at his.” Will crossed his arms and tried to find the loose string-- the thing that could uncoil Jonathan’s still-tightening anxiety. “Are you still dating Nancy?”
Jonathan turned to look at Will, nearly crashing the car. That was the wrong string. “What?”
“Nancy? Are you still dating her?”
“I was never dating Nancy.” Jonathan laughed, shaking his head. “I’m not dating Mike’s sister, don’t worry.” The clarification was strange and felt off-topic. Like Jonathan was trying to talk about something else.
“I thought you were. You guys hung out a lot during school.” Will heard her voice through the walls too. Always gentle, never yelling. Except when she was losing at playing cards. Then she shouted.
“She was helping me pass chemistry. That’s all.” Jonathan turned the radio up a little. Will checked his watch. “And then she helped me apply to the Post internship-- she’s great at writing papers, did you know that? A real wordsmith. Is Mike a writer too?”
He was, he really was. Grammatically, Will ran out of red pens trying to help, but creatively? Will envied Mike’s ability. “I don’t know. We don’t really talk about that kind of stuff like you two do… Since you two are dating.”
“We’re not .” Jonathan laughed. Will took advantage of an upcoming stop sign to lean forward and look at his brother’s crimson face. “We’re not, Will, okay? We’re really not. I’d tell you.”
“You’d tell me?”
“Of course! I’d tell you if I… I had a girlfriend. Which I don’t!” He stayed at the stop sign for a bit too long. “Do you?”
There was an option to play dumb, to make Jonathan ask more directly: do you have a girlfriend, Will ? but it sounded far more painful than being honest, than being as lonely as he was.
“No. I don’t.”
“And you’d tell me. If you were dating someone?” Jonathan looked at Will, hopeful but scarcely so. “You’ll tell me if anything big happens in your life?”
“Yeah.” There wouldn’t be anything happening at all that summer, that was for damn sure . “Absolutely.”
Steve had about seventy percent of his puzzle done-- fifty of which was because Dustin was an unstoppable genius with no tolerance for Steve’s careful pace. It was just about quarter past seven, and Steve’s back was getting sore from sitting in his chair all day. He only liked sitting when it was in his car, on his way to the Byers's House, careful, of course, to obey all traffic laws.
Steve was packing his crosswords and pens up in the top drawer of his desk when something clattered the back door open. Steve grabbed a pen and whipped around in his seat, as if to wield it like a weapon.
“Hello? Who’s there?”
“Hey dingus.” Luckily, Steve couldn’t even see Robin yet-- or rather, she couldn’t see him or his emphasized eye roll. She could hear him groan though. “Hey, shut up and quit whining. I’m sending you home early.”
Her head popped out from the hallway. Robin’s ponytail was high on her head, the hair flopping over and getting caught in her stringy bangs. She flung her backpack out from behind her and tossed it toward Steve. She wasn’t in her uniform yet, only wearing the buttoned up shirt-- unbuttoned and showing her torn and dyed shirt underneath. She was wearing jogging shorts, her knees torn up and covered with Band-Aids. They reminded Steve of the ones taped to his face after getting a plate smashed into his forehead. Deceivingly cheerful.
“What are you doing here early?” Steve stood and followed her, holding her backpack awkwardly in his hands. “You’re never early.” Eight on the dot. Every time.
“I figure you want to get out of here tonight.” She didn’t even stop to look at Steve as they walked into the back room. “Probably want to see your boyfriend.”
Her words weren’t sharp, but Steve still recoiled. He let his arms, and her bag, hang by his sides.
“Who? Jonathan?” The only way Jonathan and Robin had ever met was in the hallways of Hawkins High. She definitely never saw them interact at the station-- or on any of their nights together: they were always indoors. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“First off, I didn't even say a name." Shit. "Second, he came in the other day looking for you.” Robin started buttoning her shirt up, fixing the collar as she finally turned to see Steve. “He was really upset-- didn’t even know what time it was to know you weren’t working.”
“Upset?” Technically, it wasn’t Steve’s problem. It was the deal; they didn’t have to care about each other’s lives. It was just summer. It was just like any other summer.
“Yeah. Crying, sniffling, snot-- the whole nine, man.” Robin sounded extremely sympathetic despite beginning to change her pants. Steve whipped around, covering his face. “You should go see him. Make sure he’s okay. Be a good boyfriend... shithead.”
“He’s not--”
“Steve, I’m the last person you should be arguing with.” Robin laughed-- and it was only momentarily threatening. Until, of course, Steve realized what she meant.
Like all good secrets kept at Hawkins PD, Steve kept his mouth shut and nodded even if she wasn’t looking.
“Yes, sir--ma'am-- Robin.”
“So, are you going to go or what, dingus?” She tapped him on the shoulder. “Get out of here-- and tell me all about it Wednesday.”
Steve blinked at her, holding out her bag. As if it was enough thanks to give her back her own property. “Are we… friends, or something?”
“No, of course not.” She winked, slapping his arm. “Just looking out for one of my own.”
After picking Mike up from his house, they drove home in uncharacteristic chatter. Jonathan was the only one speaking, humming along to the radio. Will was exhausted beyond performative small talk; the type that had to be done between two best friends when a third party was present. Mike was great at just sitting with Will in silence, but Jonathan didn’t know that. Instead, the three of them passed around quiet jokes and laughter, answering questions about their friends for Jonathan’s upkeep of information.
Once they got in the house, Jonathan let them wander off into Will’s room as he started pulling pots out of the kitchen cabinets. He wouldn’t bother or pester them about any summer work, either. They would be left alone in their own coupled silence.
Mike was sitting cross-legged on Will’s floor, twisting one of Will's crayons between his fingers. Will needed new ones but he felt funny asking for them as a near-freshman in high school. He liked the glide of wax on paper compared to the scrape of colored pencils. Well, that and the fact he ruined half of his crayons the year prior making a full map of Hawkins in a fugue state and only had two crayons able to be used normally.
“You had doctor stuff today, right?”
Will was digging under his bed for his emptier sketch book. “Yeah. Therapy. Doctor doctor stuff was two weeks ago.”
“How was it?” Mike let his hand still and rest in his lap. “Like, what do you do in therapy? Just start talking?”
“Yeah, but it’s more than that. You have to think about stuff too. Doctors ask you questions, sometimes.” Will pulled back and drug his old drawing supplies along the carpet. He sat back on his heels and was able to see Mike over the top of the bed. He didn’t know Will was looking. “You have to have answers.”
“What do they ask about?” Mike kept looking at his hands, unaware of Will. “Upside down stuff?”
“Sometimes.” Will shuffled back around to Mike's side of the bed. He could feel the tiniest bit of rug burn starting. “She asked me about my dad today.”
Mike looked up, almost immediately. “Can she do that?”
“Why can’t she?” Will popped the lid on the retired Tupperware, now his art bin. “I talked about it.”
“I thought you didn’t like to.” Will had never said those words which meant Mike had gathered it from just observing him. “Did you… like talking about it?”
“Not really.” Will laughed. He found a few extra crayons, but of all the wrong colors. “She had this big speech afterward about learned helplessness that I… really didn’t like.” Will tried to keep laughing.
Mike put the crayon back in the bin. “Are you okay, Will?”
“Yeah. It’s just… the same old stuff.” Will shrugged. “Sometimes it just bothers me more than other days.”
Mike bit the inside of his cheek, picking at his words carefully. “You never talk about your dad, Will.”
“Why would I?”
“Because it bothers you. You can talk about anything you want-- I… I would listen.”
“You don’t have to listen to it just because it happened to me, you know. My therapist says you don’t have to experience things with me for them to be real.”
“But I want to know.” Mike looked insulted, almost crushed and collapsed as he sat back on his hands. “That’s your dad,” he said. “And you’re my friend.”
They sat in silence for a while. Mike went back to studying a new crayon, picking at the wrapper. Will felt something forming in his throat. A bubble that was hot, thick and sticky. Not vomit, but not impending tears either.
“I don’t get why he left.” Will said. “I don’t know what happened to our family.”
“Nothing happened. Maybe he just… wasn’t good at being your dad anymore.”
“But then why? What did I do?” Will didn’t want to ask Mike, make him feel responsible for answering, but Will was desperate to ask the universe again.
“Nothing.” Mike said. “I just think he…”
“He what? My dad got tired of me? Didn’t want to raise me?”
“Maybe he actually learned how to take a hint and knew he wasn’t good enough for you and Jonathan-- or your mom.” Mike wanted to be hopeful, to be positive, so badly. He ached, his smile tight and weak. He didn't have the answers, and who was Will to put him in the position to come up with them.
“So he gave up.” Will said.
“That’s not what I meant--”
“I know. I know… That’s just how it feels.” Will shrugged. He smiled at Mike, accepting his help and his warmth. It hurt knowing that Mike was wrong, but still. Will could always pretend a little longer. Anything for Mike.
“Hey! You monsters hungry?” Steve clapped his hands together before gently tapping the door. “Jonathan’s got dinner on the table.”
The door was open. Steve didn’t have to knock. He wanted to, just to prove he wasn’t too comfortable, but he also knew Mike was over. And knocking would announce his entrance rather than letting it just be something that just was . Rather than being cool .
Awkwardly and with a lot of weird, throat-clearing fanfare, Steve opened the Byers’s front door and poked his head inside. Jonathan called him in from the kitchen without even needing to say hello, or being surprised by his walking in: In here, Steve! Dinner’s almost done .
Steve walked through the living room carefully, as if he’d disturb it. There was a tape playing softly-- some band Steve’s never heard of, but didn’t hate. He’d grown to like the way that every song played in the Byers house was always moody and melancholy. The music was always the opposite of how he felt stepping into the kitchen.
Jonathan was at the stove, stirring a pot of something that smelled delicious. He had what looked to be tomato sauce stains on the front of his shirt-- where he wrapped his hand up to open the sauce jar. Steve was able to hide his smile as he shouldered off his uniform jacket and toed off his shoes, claiming a chair at the kitchen table.
“How was work?” Jonathan didn’t stop stirring. He moved like the stove was turned all the way up and he was afraid of burning the food. He spoke that way too.
“It was fine. Not a whole lot.” Steve didn’t want to have anything seem bigger than whatever upset Jonathan-- and seemed to still be upsetting him now. “How was your day?”
“Fine. Will and Mike are in the other room.” He was checking things off his list. Steve stepped up to Jonathan and stood even with him at the stove. He was making one-pot pasta. It really did smell fantastic. Steve was so hungry, even after his lunch.
“How was… the other things in your day? Develop any good pictures?” Steve covered how stupid he sounded by placing his hand on Jonathan’s lower back.
Jonathan stopped stirring and looked at him. Steve tried to keep cool, tried not to show his motives-- his attempt to calm something he couldn’t believe he’d missed spinning out of control, even if he didn’t know what it was. “Nancy walked into the dark room today-- she’s actually the one who gave me the muffin-- and she exposed the photos to light too early. So no, actually.”
Steve really was a bad boyfriend. Even when he wasn’t one yet-- or at all.
“Okay… how was. Everything else?”
“You don’t have to ask about my day, Steve. It’s okay.” Jonathan sighed and spoke evenly. “I’m just a little tired. Really. We don’t have to do the whole… thing .”
The whole thing where Steve was explicit about how much he really cared about Jonathan and admitted he was sincerely and terrifyingly in love with Jonathan.
“I was asking because I was curious. Not out of obligation.” Steve clarified. His hand slid to rest on Jonathan’s hip. He moved closer, lips aiming to place a commitment-less kiss on his cheek.
“Steve! I said to keep it cool .” Jonathan ducked back, placing a hand on Steve’s chest. “I don’t want Will to see us.”
“Your brother?” Steve was surprised; of all people Jonathan explicitly wanted to hide from Will seemed kind and forgiving-- not that there was anything to forgive, but it was something Steve often checked for. Steve was sure that one of Dustin’s friends would be… like Steve. Or like Jonathan-- maybe. All of them seemed prepared to deal with any of their friends suddenly being different. Far more prepared than Steve ever was.
“Yes. My brother.” Jonathan snapped, banging the spoon against the edge of the pot. “I don’t want him to learn I’m not dating Nancy but instead seeing her ex-boyfriend in the same day.” he whispered.
“Wait, what? He thinks you’re with Nancy?” Steve wasn’t sure where they went wrong. They were trying to obscure the truth, not lead everyone to a different reality. “D-Do you think Mike does too?”
“I don’t know! I didn’t want to ask and seem weird.” Jonathan sighed again. He sounded tense again. “I told Will I’d tell him if I was seeing anyone… And he promised me the same.”
Steve knew not to press the obvious question-- well are you seeing someone, Jonathan? -- but also didn’t want to touch the obvious implication that Will needed to share a secret with Jonathan. Instead, he placed his hands into his pockets and turned to lean against the counter.
“Dinner smells really good, Byers.” There was another name that began with “B” that Steve wasn’t allowed to use, but always wanted to. Byers Byers Byers. Baby baby baby. “Thank you, again, for cooking for me-- for us.”
“You think I’m going to let you starve?” His stirring slowed; the stove cooled down. He nudged Steve’s arm with the spoon. “You coming home late and trying to cook? You mean half-drinking a beer and falling asleep face down on your bed in your uniform, half unbuttoned.”
“You picture that often, Byers?” Steve lifted an eyebrow. “Hm?”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” Jonathan’s lips quirked into a smile again. “But, if you’d like a beer, I think there’s one in the fridge. No one in the house is going to touch it.”
“I can go ask Will if he wants it.”
“Shut up-- do you want it or not?”
“No.” Steve didn’t like drinking when they were together. He’d never really heard the full story about where Mr. Byers went, but he had a father of his own to make those blank spaces fill pretty fast. “But thanks. Don’t want the habit of needing a beer to forget how boring my job is.”
“I thought you liked your job?” Jonathan took a piece of pasta out of the pot and held it out for Steve to test.
He chewed and answered. “I do! It’s nice to have normal hours-- and I’m happy to help have replacements as Flo gets ready to retire but… I don’t know. Sometimes it feels boring .”
“Would you rather be chasing down a four-legged monster without a face?” Jonathan let out a bubble of genuine laughter, playfully glaring at Steve.
“Frankly, yes! At least we’d all have something to do. I feel like I don’t see everyone anymore.”
“Then throw a party. Don’t wish for anything bad to happen.” Jonathan said firmly. “Let the record show my brother is a very strange magnet for all this… weird shit.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Steve said solemnly. He put his hand on Jonathan’s forearm. “I wish we were all safely doing something exciting. It felt nice to be needed, even if no one knew it was us.”
Jonathan put the spoon down on the counter and pivoted to be looking only at Steve. There was something resting just on the tip of his tongue, just under the surface of their conversation. It would’ve been a digression-- Steve could tell by Jonathan’s tense and furrowed brow-- but he would’ve listened.
“Jonathan?” Steve squeezed his arm, lifting his eyebrows. “What is it?”
“I--” He clenched his jaw, trying to swallow his words. “I think--” Steve knew there was no end to Jonathan’s sentence; merely starting it meant there was trust between them. A careful admission through omission. Steve knew Jonathan was looking at his shoes and wouldn’t be seen as he took in the secret flinches of Jonathan’s face. The crinkle by his left eye, the twitch of his mouth, double blinking--
They both jumped apart as the phone started ringing, practically shaking on the wall. Jonathan stepped away from Steve and left everything unsaid. Again.
Jonathan tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder as he turned to lean against the wall.
“Hello? This is--” His face changed sharply, his eyebrows furrowing. “I told you to stop bothering us. You’re lucky she’s not here to pick up the phone-- I don’t care !” Jonathan cleared his throat and looked at Steve in a flash of uncertainty and anxiety. “I have the police here right now and if you don’t stop calling me I will send them to your house-- it’s not a threat if you’re the one bothering us. Stop. Calling.” He slammed the phone down and braced his weight against the wall with his other hand.
“Am I considered ‘the police’ now?” Steve said lightly. It was his way of letting Jonathan know he was listening, but not asking direct questions. “I’m not even allowed to have a badge.”
“It counts.” Jonathan said, letting his arms fall down by his sides. Steve stepped over and kept stirring dinner.
“Who was that?”
“No one. Can you go get the boys in the other room? Dinner’s ready.” Jonathan pushed Steve aside to hunch over the stove again.
“Sure.” Steve nodded, knowing he wasn’t seen. “Hey! You monsters hungry? Jonathan’s got dinner on the table.”
Dinner felt weird.
Will couldn’t help but feel like he and Mike had gotten into a fight. Talking about his dad made anything feel sticky, feel like it was violent or volatile. A second from snapping or tearing off, bouncing around the walls and echoing in Will's body. A small conversation between friends-- actually a little understanding between best friends-- felt like it had been a screaming match, all because it was cut off. There was no apology from Will. He didn't have the chance to tie it all up with an I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, forget I said anything.
His plea sat heavy on his tongue as he talked to Steve-- who had arrived without notice-- and let Mike make him laugh so hard he nearly shot water out his nose. Will let it all happen under the tremor, the ache, of an apology. And maybe, if he was the best brother and friend he should’ve been, no problems or therapy, it would be enough of an apology.
He wasn't hungry and only ate half his serving of pasta, even though it was usually his favorite of Jonathan's recipes. He did apologize for that though, and it felt right to say aloud. Even if it was misdirected and no one heard it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so so sorry. Please come back--
Mike wasn’t tired, Will knew, but he still wanted to go to bed right after their horror movie ended. It was clear Mike hadn't been paying attention to the movie; the entire plot was that dreams were a new horror-scape for monsters to get teenagers. It wasn't too scary to Will; it just felt familiar. The villain looked different, more human, but Will knew what it felt like to dream while wide awake. To watch and be unable to do anything but scratch at the surface--
Convincing Will to get ready for bed, Mike said they’d have all day in the morning. He said that maybe he could convince his mom to let him stay over again if they don’t get all their fun in. Will knew Mike's mom probably would, if only because she felt bad for Will. But he would take the pity. A sleepover wasn't the worst thing to get from pity.
Will could still hear Mike fidgeting in his sleeping bag. He was rubbing his feet together like a cricket and twisting his wristwatch. The plastic scratched the sheer material of his sleeping bag rhythmically: back and forth. back and forth. backandforthbackandforth. It was like Mike was counting the ticks of his silent digital watch. Will began to play with his own watch, keeping it on in bed only because he'd noticed Mike hadn't removed it when they were brushing their teeth that night; apparently the watch was too good to part with.
Time though, was something Will wished he could separate himself from. He could hear the seconds scraping by now. Every moment he kept his friend awake and bored because Will was too weak or (rather and) too everything to stay up late again.
Therapy hadn’t even been that bad. Not really. Maybe it could be exhausting but it didn’t count because Will sat in the same spot for an hour. It wasn’t real work. It shouldn’t have counted. Will should’ve been able to hang out with his friend until sunrise, getting in trouble with his mom for being up so late. He should’ve still been a stupid, carefree kid, not a by-gone troubled teenager.
Maybe his dad had seen that from the beginning. Will's dad was always gambling, betting on baseball games he had these incredible "feelings" on. Sometimes he was wrong, but when he was right it was an amazing prediction; having the foresight no one else had. And maybe that was what it was, leaving them when he did. Maybe he saw Will wouldn’t be the second son he wanted after all. Maybe he knew of all the damage that would be done to him, the damage he would cause. Probably saw it from miles-- years-- away. And he left without a single warning to any of it.
What if his father had known? Could've known where he was when he came back into town two years ago? Not gone forever just in the lights. Just out of reach, just through the wall, Dad. What if he had known, been able to see, able to know, but wanted to leave Will Down there being possessed and enveloped and consumed and--
Will felt a chill scurry down his back. The feeling almost had legs. Too many. He felt ice cold, his body going blank-- not numb, but blank -- for a second. He couldn’t feel his fingers, but could still feel every inch of his body, suddenly pulsing and seizing.
"Will?" Mike asked, sitting up. He gripped the end of the bed and pulled his face closer to Will's. He squinted in the darkness, feeling for Will’s hand. Will couldn’t answer, his jaw tense and breath rattling out of him. "Will, what’s wrong?"
After a (thankfully) non-awkward dinner, Steve and Jonathan washed all the dishes and let the boys watch whatever movie they wanted. Steve didn’t pay attention to what tape he put in the VRC. He was too busy thinking about the hands hidden in the warm soapy water in the kitchen sink. Neither Mike nor Will seemed too bothered by the disgusting amount of blood or the scary blade man on the TV. He felt no regret letting them go to bed right after the credits rolled. Jonathan had looked exhausted after putting the last dish away, and dozed off during the climax of the movie-- even slept through the high-pitched screaming.
They waited for the sound of Will’s door closing over before they got into bed.
Jonathan flopped onto his back, a pillow resting between his chest and crossed arms. Steve laid on his side, bracing his weight on his elbow. He poked at Jonathan's furrowed eyebrow lightly.
"What's the problem, Byers?"
"Nothing."
"You are not a really great liar, you do know that right?" That and Steve could still hear Robin's blasé recounting of Jonathan's distress. Yeah. Crying, sniffling, snot-- the whole nine, man.
Jonathan sighed and turned to look at Steve. He hated being called out. "It's about Will."
"What's wrong with Will? He seemed alright at dinner."
"Yeah, but," Another sigh. "Steve, I think my brother’s gay."
Steve's first response was swallowed and he nodded. "Okay. Okay. And, um, what's the issue with that?" He adjusted himself on the bed, hoping there was more subtlety in that.
"I can't talk to him about it. I mean," Jonathan smiled and reached to touch his face. "This is a very different thing than being fourteen and confused."
"Who says he's confused?"
"I don't mean with himself-- the rest of the world is so confusing, Steve. You see the news... I can't talk to him. I didn't grow up like that. And being with you is... Different. We dated girls before. Will... I don't know. I think he knows already."
"You think he's got feelings for--"
"Oh absolutely." Jonathan nodded, closing his eyes. "Oh, I'm so glad it's not just me who sees it."
"Hopefully Wheeler does too."
"Hey, keep your voice down, he's only a few rooms over ."
"Sorry. Sorry. Me and my big mouth " Steve rested his head on Jonathan's shoulder. "Shut me up, maybe."
"Not until my mom gets back." Jonathan said, rolling up onto his side too. "If I catch her when she comes in the door, she won't come into my room to say good night. I can't have you distracting me until then."
"Your mom is on a date. She's an adult and so are you." Steve kissed Jonathan's shoulder. "You are a working man who just finished a long day at work-- I think you can cuddle up with your boyf--" Steve choked on his own stupidity, feeling his face go red and charisma die on impact. "With me."
"I will. Once my mom is back." Jonathan kissed Steve, as if a parting promise. Only to backtrack on his words immediately. He tucked Steve’s hair back behind his ear, his hands trying not to hold his face. “No-- no . Steve, not until my mom gets back.”
“I can keep an ear out--” As Steve spoke, the power in his bedside lamp dimmed. The power hummed quietly before flickering back up. Jonathan tensed and pushed himself up in bed.
“Did you see that?”
“Yeah, it was just the light, Byers. It’s windy out tonight, maybe a tree brushed a powerline.” Steve pushed Jonathan back down to his pillow-- and back into his own skin again. “It’s nothing . What if I turn out the light? Your mom won’t even see us in here.”
“No. No, I have to wait for her.”
“What if she doesn’t come back?”
“What!” Jonathan jerked upright again.
“I meant what if she’s at Hopper’s or something?” Steve shrugged. “She’s an adult.”
“Steve, that’s my mom .” Jonathan hissed, swatting at the hand resting on his shoulder.
“I meant because she drove there on her own. If she had some wine, maybe she stayed somewhere and is being a smart, responsible parent.” Steve soothed. “Something you don’t have to be right now. You’re not Will’s parent and you aren’t your own. Lay down, will you?”
Jonathan was reluctant, but let Steve ease him back down again. He pulled the pillow tighter to his chest and sighed, his crossed arms sinking deeper. Steve laid down beside him, nose gently touching the end of his shoulder. As he breathed, his short exhales tickled Jonathan’s skin and got him giggling. It was Steve’s secret trick; something that always worked because Jonathan didn’t know it was a pattern-- didn’t know he was ticklish.
“Sorry I was weird today.” Jonathan said suddenly. He wasn’t even grinning.
“What?” They didn’t apologize. There was no need. “You’re worried about stuff-- it’s okay.”
“No, I like our dinners. And I was so uptight. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” Steve didn’t know what to do with the sentiment. “Apology accepted?”
Jonathan sighed again, blowing it out slowly between his pressed lips. “Lonnie called today.”
“L- your dad ? Is that who was on the phone?” Steve wasn’t sure what came over him-- or his body-- as he placed an arm over Jonathan’s waist and pulled them together. There was something unspokenly intimate talking about abusive fathers while being nearly sutured together in bed, but Steve pretended he was just having problems hearing Jonathan correctly.
“Yeah.” Jonathan turned, his nose brushing Steve’s. “Said he wants custody of Will. He doesn’t trust Mom, he said.”
“How is he-- He can’t do that.”
“He’s going to try. I don't know where it came from. He still thinks he can win a case because the news says Will just disappeared into the woods . Like he ran away from us or something.”
“Everyone knows that’s not true.”
“A court might not.” Jonathan sighed, ducking his head down. Steve resisted lifting his chin to hook it over Jonathan’s head, nestling him into his neck. He laid still, listening to his breathing and the gentle creaking of the house--
Jonathan's door was thrown open, both men sitting up quickly, ready to defend themselves and their actions. It was Mike, in his pajamas with his hair sticking out in wild curls. Will stood just behind him in the hallway looking far more awake. Stilted and untousled.
"Mike?"
"Jonathan, quick!"
"What is it?" Jonathan swung his legs around and motioned both boys to come in. "Will?" Mike pushed him into the center of the door frame, although he remained in the hallway, in the light. Will’s hand grabbed at the back of his neck. His face was blank and his eyes were distant.
"Something's wrong." Will said slowly, blinking to focus. "I feel him."
"Feel who?" Jonathan kneeled in front of Will, holding his shoulders. "Feel who, Will?"
"Dad."
#stonathan#jonathan byers x steve harrington#byeler#will byers x mike wheeler#byler#finally reposting in a way that isn't a random post with a link alksdja#prompts#my fics
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i just had the DUMEBST AU idea and needed to share. Ruby as Storybooke's kid's baseball coach (she was a softball gay). And Henry Mills' mom, the mayor, never shows up to practice, but she DOES show up to Henry's first game, wearing her super-tight work dress and Ruby is in a jersey and a cap and covered in dirt from the pitch. And Henry REALLY wants to introduce his mom to his cool new coach.
IT IS A BRILLIANT IDEA ANON. Yes! Ruby as the obviously gay (but also oblivious gay) coach — that many dads are jealous of and many moms take a long look at —, accidentally becoming Henry's favorite teacher ever, to the point where he just HAS to introduce her to his mom. His worlds MUST collide.
And Ruby's inner voice like, "Umm... I don't know... Madam Mayor, I mean, Ms. Mills is so busy— and I have dirt all over my face, I probably smell, too. And she's so well dressed. For a kids game! I'm—"
Her real, adult, out-loud response, however is: "I'm sure your mom has other plans."
But Henry insists, "But she has to meet you!! I talk about you all the time, but I don't think she's ever talked to you. And she said she's curious!"
"Curious?" A gulp.
"Yeah, I told her you are really funny. Maybe you can tell her a joke, too"
"Ummm..."
And then Henry drags Ruby by the hand to where Regina is waiting for him by her car (which probably cost more than Ruby makes in a year)
And Ruby stands up straighter than she's ever stood, she takes off her cap and tries to fix her hair. No use, she's sweaty. Fuck, her clothes are dirty too. Shit, fuck.
This is the Mayor! If Regina Mills doesn't like her, she's out of her job in a second. She has to make a good first impression. All sweaty and covered in dirt. Good luck! You've enjoyed your employment so far! Maybe you can work at a diner next! Fuck. Maybe don't tell any jokes. DO NOT TELL A JOKE. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
"Mom! This is Coach Lucas. Coach Lucas, this is mom! Uh. I mean, Regina." Henry stands in the middle, as they approach Regina.
Ruby licks her lips and extends her hand for a shake (she makes sure her palm is clean first — it is, but guess what, it's sweaty)
"Madam Mayor, it's a pleasure to finally meet you"
Regina takes her hand. A light squeeze, a soft smile, and she lets it go.
Regina is not sweaty at all. Not one hair out of place, not one speck of dirt on her clothes. She's statue, a painting, perfect posture and dark colors and lovely smell. Well, shit!
Dear god, the Mayor is even more beautiful (and intimidating!) in person.
"Likewise. I've heard wonderful things about you from Henry" She puts her arm around Henry's shoulder and pulls him close. Henry hugs her waist. "You're his favorite teacher, did you know that?"
Ruby smiles, feeling her cheeks warm up. "He told me that before, yes. He's too nice, really. I'm sure he was being polite. We have a wonderful team of teachers—"
"My son is very polite, yes. But he's not a liar" Regina says. Her low, immovable voice sends a shiver down Ruby's spine. There's an impulse to step back, raise her hands in surrender and apologize for any misunderstanding, but Regina continues before she can make a sound. "Don't worry. I know what you mean. You're too humble, Coach Lucas. You haven't even bragged about your victory just now."
The blush is now deep in her face. She's not sure if it's from embarrassment or fear. Maybe both. Ruby shrugs. "I can't take credit" She reaches out just enough to pat Henry's head (with her clean hand). "It was all them. These kids are good! Henry is by far my smartest player. Aren't you?"
Henry nods proudly. And Regina hugs him tighter. "Well," she says, "It takes skill to put those qualities to good use, I'm sure." There's a smile. Polite, but warm. Sincere. Ruby feels her shoulders relax, and she hopes her sigh of relief isn't audible. "Accept the compliment, please. You're a very good coach"
Ruby nods, as her chest expands. "Thank you", she says, and it's shy and awkward.
A beat. Should she offer a compliment back? "You're a good mayor! I like how you do... the.... mayoring...." Then another one. Should she compliment her as a parent? Is that allowed? "You're a good mother. Very good, in fact. An acronym comes to mind—"
A long second stretches between them. Hopefully Ruby hasn't said anything out loud.
She inhales. "Well! I should get back. I need to organize the gear for tomorrow." She smiles at Henry, then looks up at Regina. "Again, it was a pleasure to meet you, Madam Mayor. Have a good night." Then a last look at Henry "Don't forget to get plenty of rest, Henry."
She turns her body to leave, waving at them (with the palm she hasn't checked if it's dirty or not — oops). And she's ready to exhale and run back to the janitor's closet she calls her office and deflate with shame.
But before she can turn her back completely, Henry tugs at Regina's dress. Regina looks down. And Henry makes an exaggerated motion with his head, pointing at Ruby, then arching his eyebrows. He's asking for something. And with a gentle nod, Regina seems to answer him.
"Excuse me, Coach Lucas?" Regina calls for Ruby. Ruby stops. She turns. "Do you have evening plans?"
Ruby's brain takes a second to process the question. — Organize the gear, get to her crappy car, drive her crappy place, take a shower, eat whatever is left in the fridge, and pass out on the couch. Was that a plan? Does that count? — She blinks. Then shakes her head. "Um. No. I was just going to... go home."
"I see" Regina offers her another polite smile. Her hand comes up to rest on Henry's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "Henry wouldn't forgive me if I didn't ask you. Would you like to join us for a..." Her voice disappears, like she's forgotten a word. Henry whispers something in her ear as she leans down. "A burger? At Granny's, to celebrate. My treat."
"I remembered you said you liked the burgers at Granny's!" Henry says, and it's almost a shout. He can't contain the energy in his tiny body. "And I wanted to try one with you. Please?"
Ruby takes a moment. Oh god. This is the Mayor. The Mayor. With the low intimidating voice. Regina Mills. And her son. Who's the only kid who laughs at her jokes. And a burger. And her stomach growls, as if to cast a vote.
She looks down at Henry,
then up at Regina.
Then down at Henry again.
And she exhales.
"Sure! Yes" She answers finally, and she sees Henry jump in excitement. "Yeah, I'm really hungry. Thank you"
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10 Sebastian roles as boyfriends
Because... I'm bored and I feel like it. 😂 Probably some spoilers for, like... everything? So yeah... That.
Putting it under here for easy scrolling:
10: Chase Collins
Who doesn't love a goofball? In the first half of the movie, Chase is basically perfect. He's sweet, funny, not all caught up in his ego, and actually pays attention to what the girls around him are saying, not just to what he wants to hear. If not for the whole... it was all an act to get close to Caleb and try to steal his magic thing, Chase would actually be a damn good high school boyfriend. He's adorable and would be a fun date, but he's also only 18 so best not to start making long-term plans lol. Also, y'know... the whole psycho revenge/power grab thing.
9 Jack Benjamin
Y'all. Y'all. Words cannot describe how much I love Jack. Pretty sure I've made this clear. As a person/character in general, he's absolutely in my Top 3 - not just of Sebastian's characters, but any character ever. ❤ But as a boyfriend? Boy's got baggage. It's what makes me so protective of him, but seeing as how he's trapped in the closet thanks to his overbearing homophobic family and the insane expectations heaped on him, as the show left him, he can't handle an honest relationship. He's too easily influenced by all the wrong people, poor babe.
8 Chris (Destroyer)
On paper, undercover cop sounds cool and exciting, but even if you ignore the fact that he, y'know, dies... Chris got in too deep and kinda lost the mission, so to speak. Best case scenario, you're his sexy partner and in on it all with him and end up on the lam for the rest of your lives. Worst case, this man lies for a living, so can you even trust him? And... yeah. The whole dead thing. Chris is hot af but getting involved with him is a recipe for disaster.
7 Ben
Min and Hathor have mercy, I love Ben! He's smart, he's snarky, he's caring and loyal... he's an absolute disaster. He's another one who seems allergic to honesty, until his lying and avoiding nearly kill his girlfriend. Not exactly relationship goals lol. Everything before totally was, though! Ben's adorable, and I love how he stayed up all night to protect his girlfriend (from a ghost/demon thing... with a baseball bat. I said he was smart, not perfect, okay? XD points for effort lol)
6 Mickey Henry
I. LOVE. MICKEY. Oml I love Mickey. He's a spazz and - even more so than Ben - an absolute disaster of a human being, but I love him. Pros for dating Mickey Henry: he's fun, he's carefree, he'll cook for you even though he's kinda bad at it lol, he loves his son and wants to be a good dad, he wants his partner to be happy and to love life as much as he does. Cons, and the reason he's not higher on the list: He's a pushover; easily influenced by the toxic people in his life, and it gets him into a lot of trouble. Being easily influenced by toxic dumpster fire of a human being Chloe almost lost him the partial custody of his son that he barely even had. He's an absolute sweetheart, but he's a complete man-child, and dating him would often feel more like raising him.
5 Frank "Suffer Buddy"
Come on! You know he and Mickey had to be back-to-back - they're practically the same character! 😂 Frank is Mickey... slightly more grown up. He's still a disaster, but he's respectful of boundaries, he's caring, he's funny in a dry, witty way that I just adore, and hoo lordy that man is a giver! 🥴🥵 Honestly, if he didn't smoke and didn't ditch Daphne in the middle of a party hours away from everything familiar to her surrounded by strangers to go do drugs, I'd call Frank perfect. He listened, he respected her wishes, he tried to keep some distance between them when he found out she'd gone on a date with his best friend (it failed utterly and brought us to the "damn that man's good with his mouth" portion of the movie lmao but still)... I don't have a whole lot of experience with men who actually give a shit, okay? So Frank is like a goddamn unicorn to me lmao. But that drug thing... That keeps him at the bottom of the Top 5 for me. Sorry, bb
4 Bucky
I can already hear everyone on here raging at me for placing Bucky so low on this list, but hear me out: I love this man. I love all four iterations of this man. Flirty 40s Bucky was a doll (fun date, not commitment material). Post-POW camp 40s Bucky had a fire to him that set me on fire. The Winter Soldier can choke me any damn day. Unf. And TFATWS Bucky... Oh, lady above, 2023 Bucky is a gem! He's sweet, snarky, and broken. He feels utterly, wretchedly alone in the world, and everyone around him, including his only friend, is telling him to "man up" and "make amends" for shit that was never his fault to begin with, rather than helping him come to terms with all that he's suffered and all that he's survived. Bucky needs and deserves love. A relationship with him would be so solid, if he found the right person... But it would take a fuck ton of work. He needs someone strong, patient, and more stubborn than he is to prod him until he finds a better therapist and actually opens up, and to keep him on track because even good therapy comes with homework. He does have to "do the work," Sam was right about that much, but he was way off base with what that "work" is. Bucky needs help and understanding, and he would be an amazing boyfriend... if he found someone with the strength to help him weather his nightmares and flashbacks, and help pull him out of this PTSD pit he's been in since 1943.
3 Chris Beck
Big brains turn me on, okay? 😂This man is an astronaut and a surgeon! Yes, please! Come here, you sexy genius! He's smart, he's funny - pretty sure Sebastian is incapable of playing anyone who's not delightfully snarky lol. He's pragmatic when he needs to be but there's also nothing he wouldn't do or risk for the ones he loves. This man is husband material and I cannot be convinced otherwise! So why isn't he #1? Cuz of the whole... spending years in space, thing. Super cool job and I'd be his biggest fan on the ground, but god damn, I would miss him while he's away!
2 TJ Hammond
Look, I'm gender fluid and he's a little bit bi 😂😂😂 Let me have my fantasy, okay? TJ's definitely got a lot of shit to work through, but love brings out the best in him. Before that fucking closeted shitbag broke his heart and stomped on it for good measure, TJ was clean and sober for months, he was happy, he was playing piano again, he was pulling himself together. Not only would he be an amazing boyfriend, but his partner would get the extra joy of getting to watch their love and devotion to him be the thing that saves this beautiful man's life. It's not healthy overall to tie your self worth and will to live to a relationship, but if he found the right person who would be there for him through all of life's shit and stick it out, I think he'd be okay. Even after his lowest point and without the support of his family, TJ still had a dream and he still chased it. He's not just the sweetest person to ever grace our screens, but he's ambitious and business-savvy, too. Keep him off drugs and watch this man take over the world, I'm telling you!
So why is TJ only #2? Well, besides the fact that he's like 99% gay and I have no bits he'd be interested in lmao, there's also the fact that this guy owns my heart:
1 Will Franklyn
And not just because we get to see him wet and mostly naked lol. Will is fucking perfect. I would die for this man... because he's already shown that he would die for his love. He almost fucking did, and they weren't even together yet! He's smart and very aware, he's a writer so we'd get to bond/geek out over books together, he's not all full of himself (self-deprecating humor ftw!) and he's willing to help a total stranger despite actual mortal peril, just because it's the right thing to do. Fierce, intelligent, sassy, strong-willed, and a flawless moral compass? YESYESYESYESYES! Forget boyfriend - let me MARRY this man! 😍🥰
#sebastian stan#chase collins#the covenant#jack benjamin#kings 2009#chris destroyer#ben the apparition#mickey henry#monday 2021#monday movie#frank suffer buddy#endings beginnings#bucky barnes#sgt james buchanan barnes#the winter soldier#mcu#captain america#the first avenger#civil war#avengers#the falcon and the winter soldier#tfatws#tfatws critical#the martian#chris beck#tj hammond#political animals#will franklyn#labyrinth 2012#i fucking love all of these men
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hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .
if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation
Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh
this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.
Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries
i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho
speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible
tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist.
Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏
how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???
'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right??
about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.
you are the only funny person on this hellsite
how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.
Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)
check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)
dick grayson but he's nicki minaj
his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless......
Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol
you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link
...
why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.
Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery
ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.
i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD
THANK YOU
bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.
people tend to do it in the bathtub.
WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns
i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think
lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.
if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk
i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.
saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3
literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.
I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.
fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)
It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece
OH my god dude lmao
there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more
it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :(((( )
i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)
shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.
Wait, hear me out
Bernothy @redlightofdawn
great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname
Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?
Wait no, I regret sending that ask
these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.
crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-
WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY
Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol
she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.
Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god
lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.
Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like
send to me or lose a toe
🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋
thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/
⬆️
This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.
Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow
fanksss also lmao.
That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but
There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?
oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.
"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure
yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.
I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!
haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.
Doot doot!
noot noot
I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me
lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.
sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"
lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing
(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”
yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.
so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side
i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’
ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.
wow. the IMPACT.
Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝
this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.
Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.
May I ask where your username originates from?
yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.
yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim
no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho)
How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited
fenomenal next question.
Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that
(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)
i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts
You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel
you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.
Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main
he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.
Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.
lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy
stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀
oh yes it is my darling.
did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily
no he did it bc fuck the french.
im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist
okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.
your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue
i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.
suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩
sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.
Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit
yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW
Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics
clark reads smut confirmeeed
NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector
that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.
One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy
literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.
superfam and batfam associations??
-batman and superman
-dick/barabara and supergirl?
-conner and tim
-jon and damian
pls enlighten me I am confused
nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl
I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)
sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.
good human what are your pronouns?
wouldn’t you like to know?
I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes
everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont
don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily
dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants
Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.
damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo
Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨
stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!
All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet
batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.
I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this
vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.
seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go
emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet
People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.
dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME
dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet
all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise
bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves
thoughts on teen titans and young justice
haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!
ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them
log off tumblr?
Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc
huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.
I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something
fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.
lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh
unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right
why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf
idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)
There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.
all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you
is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa
no. find her as owa owa as you want.
aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:
1. tim
2. Steph
3. dick
4. Duke
5. the rest
you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED
oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs
i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.
dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.
super random but
jason 🤝 damian
old english
lmao fair enough.
tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.
yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.
I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.
i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.
so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?
no. dunkin donuts all the way
One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker
now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao
my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context
bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.
crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown
SO CRAZY HUH?
batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink
absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.
unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator
dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.
When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution
bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.
#literally if you got through this i just respect you#this is mainly just for the people who sent me an ask in the past few mask#i hope your ask is in here :)#sorry for everybody else#ask#bataranswers#this took me 4 hours to do so i hope youre happy#also sidenote#does anybody know the latin translation for 'to become'#bc i just used future of 'esse' but it could be a different verb#who cares tho latin is a dead language#big congratulations to everyone who translates my sentence#here's a bonus sentence: tuam matrem futueram
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hello em i have a request. can u please rate mr harrington's looks/outfits i just feel like u have the best takes and i'd LOVE to know how you'd rank his choices 👀
this is the single greatest ask i’ve ever received. i will be ranking the outfits, not steve’s moral alignment or actions in each scene. in order of appearance:
The Introduction
4/10
hair is tragic
steve copied this entire fit from a mannequin in the ralph lauren polo outlet store
would honestly be a 0/10 except for the obvious valiant effort being put forth by his lower half to resist the sexless curse of khaki pants. the devil (st costuming department) works hard but by god steve harrington (joe keery’s body) works harder
nice brown watch that certainly came from a department store
also gains points for being next to nancy’s anemic librarian fit, thus looking better by comparison
The Rich Bitch
8/10
thank god he ditched the khakis
hair looks much less demonic
it’s a simple look but the sweatshirt rides up when he shotguns the beer
he also gets wet
solid 8 for sluttiness alone
The Whore
10/10
wet
please note that his chest is waxed. keep this in mind.
The Heterosexual
2/10
hair looks like he dipped his head in glue
bold choice with the grey pants. unfortunately that choice was wrong
matching outfits with your comphet girlfriend isn’t as cute as you think it is stevie
you only get points because despite that ungodly pastel stripe pattern the polo’s decently fitted and makes your arm look kinda nice
The Dickhead
3/10
glue head pt. 2
at least the stripes aren’t pastel this time
The Cuck
6/10
hair slightly less glue-y
yet another striped polo is peeking out unfortunately
but! it’s green and green looks good on him
finally wearing jeans like a normal fucking human instead of weird slacks
pivotal moment in steve’s fashion evolution from preppy male model to sexy morally upright king
his morals are stored in the denim
The Final Girl
9/10
an outfit with a character arc to rival steve’s own
pretty fucking good hair if i do say so myself!!
it’s fluffy!
that shit looks like if you touched it it’d be soft... no glue here!
finally not copying from the goddamn l.l. bean catalog
iconic green slut sweatshirt? check! jacket and nikes? check! fucked-up gorgeous face and baseball bat full of rusty nails? check, baby!
looks good on its own OR with some blood on top
overall a very solid look
The Darling Little Drummer Boy
7/10
babe no... please don’t go back to the khakis... they won’t treat you like jeans do...
not quite glue head but not his best
apparently steve owns a single green sweatshirt, a thousand striped polos, and one very precious christmas sweater
almost makes up for prep-related khaki crimes by being really fucking cute
The Simp
8/10
glue head is DEAD
further evidence that steve harrington’s entire closet is just striped polos
this is his fifth unique striped polo
most of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair
actually all of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair
he’s finally let go of the fucking pastels thank jesus
and you can’t see it but he did wear jeans with this fit i just forgot to make sure they were pictured and it’s 4:15 am so i don’t feel like going back to remake this collage
cannot tell if this is a lighter blue version of the jacket he wore three times in s1 or if it IS the jacket he wore three times in s1 and the color grading is just that different
either way he loves jackets and i think that’s very sexy of him
The Intellectual
9/10
i’ve been waiting for this one... turn it up!
literally invented vests
excellent hair
loses a point for unfortunately introducing steve’s SIXTH unique striped fucking polo
i can’t see the collar but i know it’s there i know you’re wearing another fucking polo steve you can’t hide from me
can’t decide if he looks gay or just really preppy but either way he’s got some repression going on
still a very solid look
The Oh No Oh God It Hurts I’m Looking Away I Can’t Watch This
10/10
yes that middle picture is absolutely to show off the texture of his blazer and not at all me making sure that if i have to see his heartbroken little face then you all do too
anyways i Know that blazer cost at least $100 like i Know that shit’s expensive
excellent gorgeous soft-looking hair that someone ought to run their hands through but only people who haven’t dated him for a year while pining after someone else
emotional devastation... but make it unbelievably fucking sexy
stevie baby i know you’re a colorful guy but please wear more black
The Meathead Jock
9/10
aw christ whatever happened to standards?
introduction of the blue nikes <3
god his hair looked fucking good here
could have gained that final point by using tube socks with blue and GREEN stripes to tie together the shoes and the gym uniform :/
shorts could be shorter but are an altogether appropriate and enjoyable length
fun sweatstain to customize the look <3
The (is there a word for victim of bullying?) Serious Athlete
8/10
the yellow stripe was more fun
still cute though
The Sudsy Boy
11/10
wet
suds indicate that he’s washing his hair, presumably with faberge organics. is this why he’s being bullied?
steve brings his faberge organics shampoo and conditioner and his farrah fawcett spray to school with him whenever he has basketball practice
steve either has shampoo, conditioner, and hairspray in his backpack at all times, or he has a separate gym bag that’s mostly haircare products
just need to make sure we all know that
excellent freckle showcase
his chest is still waxed. please, i beg, keep this in mind
one of his strongest looks
The Babysitter
10/10
his most versatile look to date
a different jacket than the one(s) he’s worn before but it still has the same kind of collar. steve found a jacket he liked and bought it in at least three colors
the whole thing fits So fucking nicely! shirt, jacket, jeans... baby boy is TAILORED
return of the white nikes with the red check indicate that they are his fashion nikes, while the blue nikes with the white check are his sport nikes. interesting.
this fit lasts like 48 hours and steve simply looks sexier as time goes on which is a testament to its quality as well as his inherent power
every new accessory elevates his appearance. roses, nail bat, rubber gloves, blood, sweat, band-aids, bandana, goggles... each element complements the look in its own way!
an overall win
The Chauffeur
8/10
we can’t really see the whole fit but he’s not wearing a striped polo so i’m calling it a win regardless of what’s on his bottom half
cannot give him a 10/10 though because he might be wearing khakis
red is such a nice color on him when it’s not just from his blood
i lied when i said he should wear more black he should wear more colors
that plain sweater absolutely cost $85 or more
hair looks very nice and soft
excellent look!
The Sailor Man
9/10
very precious
absolutely the best hair i’ve ever seen
baby boy got highlights for his hot girl summer!
bright colors make his very red lips pop
shorts could be shorter
love the little accents! especially the white pockets and belt
excellent color coordination on steve’s part with the blue sneakers (notably different than his s2 blue basketball nikes) and the red bruising/blood
i hope you remembered that steve’s chest was waxed. as you can see his chest is now unwaxed. some change between s2 and s3 drove this decision, presumably either his breakup with nancy or the fact that he no longer showers in front of other guys at school. up to your interpretation
shock blanket at the very end is a nice touch so we don’t forget he’s traumatized
The Drowned Rat/The Man Overboard
10/10
wet
shorts could be shorter
the decision to purchase and wear a hoodless raincoat is absolutely ridiculous and stupid
however it is also very steve harrington and i value self-expression
The Chick Magnet/The Flaming Homosexual
100/10
what can i even say about this fit?
the absolute best pants he’s worn thus far. amazing fit, excellent classic wash. i say this as a former american eagle outfitters associate and the winner of my freshman year dorm’s “best at folding jeans” award
manages to make blue jeans with a half-blue denim vest work effortlessly
bold primary colors make him stand out without being too gaudy
excellent pairing of t-shirt with simple stripes and vest with simple color blocking to create a complex yet cohesive and flattering look
simple brown belt gives the look a put-together yet down-to-earth vibe
hair has only gotten better
still wearing that same brown watch that he’s had since the introduction
this man looks like he waxes his chest
this is steve in his final form
thank you for your time
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Hey talk to me about your top three favourite kdrama women. What makes them special? What's a fic you would like to write about any one of them?
Mystery anon! :D What a lovely ask.
I’m going to cheat a bit and divide my answer into characters I loved a lot, but do not want to write fic about, because I think the canon gives me what I need; and characters that I loved a lot but NEED TO BE RESCUED ZOMG. (My fic writing impulses are 50% spite and 50% fix-it )
Caveat being that I’ve still watched only maybe a dozen kdramas, so I’m pretty limited in my knowledge!
Characters that I love a lot, but have very zero fic impulses toward:
Han Yeo-jin from Stranger/Secret Forest: What a delight! What an iconique character! Is there anyone like her? NO. LSY-nim gives us a delightfully complex character, and Bae Doona knocks it out of the park in every single scene, so I’m just happy to be along for the ride. I think what makes Yeo-jin special for me is the intrinsic place of empathy that she operates from. I think “righteous” is a word that often comes with negative connotations (self-righteous, for eg), but I do think she’s one of the most righteous-in-the-good-way characters I’ve watched in kdrama or any drama. I’m tired of stories that portray goodness as “boring” , as unworthy of narrative breadth or depth, and I love that Han Yeo-jin comes to us like a breath of fresh air in our particular dystopian narratives hellscape. She’s good, but never naive. She’s righteous but never cruel in her moral certainties. I think that LSY nim, in the second season especially, gave Yeo-jin the kind of arc that character deserved when she’s forced to really dig deep into herself to figure out how she’s going to live in the world in the face of a deeply cutting, deeply personal disillusionment, and I’m really hoping for an S3 to see how that plays out further.
Goo Hae-ryung from Rookie Historian: Ok, I will admit this may be rose tinted glasses view due to this show being my gateway drug into kdrama, but c’mon! She’s a reader! and a Thinker! And loves her wine! She’s plucky! She’s cute! She’s got a wry sense of humour! She’s got principles! She’s got a solid common sense to her that somehow doesn’t get in the way of her dreaming BIG! Oh dear, doesn’t she sound like the Mary-est of Mary Sues? Good for her.gif, I say! Anyways, Shin Se-kyung is unutterably charming in this (AS IN EVERY SHOW OMG GIRL) and I just have a huge fondness for free-spirited heroines who get to tramp through the narrative changing the world as they do!
Lee Ji-an from My Ahjussi: I’ve never had my heart broken more OR restored by any single character. IU is *phenomenal * in this, I think she really stepped up to what the script demanded from her. Ji-an’s weariness, her fear and vulnerability, her prickliness, her anger and her bitterness, and how, despite everything, she fights : GOD. Just. Again, what I love about the writing in this show is that it’s deeply empathetic without being cloyingly sentimental. I think a less, hmm, imaginative writer/PD might have focused on the Lee Ji-an the victim, and while the show definitely tells you in no uncertain terms that she is one, of both circumstances and a cruel society, I think it refuses to take away her agency over her own life.(Lee Ji-an when we meet her is too busy hanging onto life by tooth and claw to indulge in self-pity, but we also see the toll it takes on her not to be able to say “this is too heavy a burden for me to carry myself and it isn’t my fault”; the show I think approaches Dong-hoon from the opposite side- his emotional isolation is partly a result of his own choices, but he doesn’t see it yet, and so his journey is also about letting people in and sharing the burden, but also recovering his own agency over his life. It’s an interestingly gender-bent arc, which is one of the things I love about this show. )
Ok, can I please add one more?
Hwang Han-joo from Melo is my Nature: She just felt SO real to me. She’s someone who doesn’t have the spectacular brilliance of either Jin-joo or Eun-jung, and struggles with accepting her limitations but not allowing herself to be defeated by them? I love her struggles as a mother, as a working woman in a sexist industry, a woman who’s perhaps having to rethink and reimagine what she wants from romance. I love that she’s a little silly, a lot kind, and an optimist, and just. I just think she’s the bravest of the three, tbh, and I LOVE HER AND I WOULD WATCH A SPIN OFF ABOUT JUST HER (i shouldn’t have faves among the three i know, BUT I DO, IT’S HER, IT’S HER.)
Ok! On to the next section! And I’m going to cheat again because I can’t stop at three. SORRY. NOT SORRY.
Characters I love and SHOULD write fic for if I weren’t such a tired and lazy bunny:
Song Sa-hui from Rookie Historian: Oh, girl, girl, GIRL. I love how she fights to snatch her freedom from the jaws of the patriarchy. I love that she unapologetically centers herself while doing that, because she knows that nobody else will. I love that she’s prickly and calculating. I love that she’s smart and knowledgeable. I am SO HAPPY that she got to carve out a little bit of freedom for herself, even if it also is exile to some degree. She *should * be Emperor Jin’s Prime Minister and steering the ship of state, while also carrying on a tumultous affair with Queen Min Woo-hee, while ALSO commiserating with Emperor Jin about his boyfriend Historian Min Woo-won’s regrettable tendency towards Principles (TM) and masochism-but-not-in-the-fun-way. (This takes up much of his time which is why Song Sa-hui is running the country, of course. It works out well for all concerned, well, except her dad, of course.)
Song Ga-gyeong from Search:WWW: What’s NOT to love about our brilliant, beautiful, emotionally tortured gay icon? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I loved how the show allowed her to be flawed and make bad decisions, and then allowed her to make better decisions and regain control of her life. What I do need to do, of course, is see the CANON LOVE STORY between her and Cha Hyeon through to the end. It must, of course, include at least one baseball game, a lot of tequila and messy beach kisses.
Oh Ji-hwa from Beyond Evil: Oh boy, this year’s runaway hit cleared the extremely low bar for standard crime/ thriller shows by leaving more than one of its female characters breathing and with all limbs intact, and got called feminist for it BUT it didn’t do justice to any of them in any meaningful way and that never hurt more than in the way they sidelined Kim Shin-rok’s talent by not giving Oh Ji-hwa anything much to do. She’s a tough as nails cop, a loving sister, a devoted but unsentimental friend-and by rights SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE HEROINE OF THIS SHOW. My secret fic fantasy is to rewrite the show entirely by making her , and the two other female characters in non-antagonist roles- Yoo Jae-yi and Im Sun-nyeo- as the central characters, as they investigate a serial killer who targets women. It’s the only acceptable version of this done-to-death (ha!) genre, I have no idea what the Baeksang jury and tumblr fandom is smoking when they hype the show so much, I want none of it.
Jung Sun-ah from The Devil Judge: I love her rage, her spite, her passionate defense of women, her style, her sexiness, her rage, her rage, her brilliance, her tenaciousness, her smartness, her clothes, her refusal to hate herself for everything she is and chooses to be, her ambition, her comfort wielding power, her EVERYTHING. Dead, her? NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. Here’s what *really * happened at the end of canon- she gets out of the building by planting that lady-like but still deadly gun against Kang Yo-han’s temple and making him lead her through his own “secret escape route” or whatever the fuck it was the show wanted us to believe. From there on out, it’s all sunshine and beaches, and scheming and waiting for the right moment to strike again-though of course, this time around, she also has to reckon with vigilant, tenacious cop Soo-hyun -another character who REALLY didn’t die for manpain reasons and had the good sense to leave her gay best friend to follow his psychopath boyfriend to Switzerland or wherever it is that star crossed lovers in kdrama land meet up on the regs these days- anyways, Soo-hyun and her are in this catch-me-if-you-can epic transnational honest and cute cop-and-beautiful sexy villain chase and yes, they WILL kiss (and more) AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS.
*whew *
Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.
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Fish. It's me, fish the fish anon. 🐠
what fandoms are you in besides Carmen Sandiego?
Carmen Sandiego is absolutely my #1 Fandom. I love tons of other shows and dip my toes in other fandoms, but CS has been my first TRUE fandom experience, you wont find me actively making content for any other fandom at the moment.
other fandoms/interests include! (in no particular order)
Sailor Moon (my obsession pre-CS! was the topic of my very first YT shitpost)
Gravity Falls (The only show I’ve seen without a bad episode imo)
Steven Universe (MKAtwood- i miss you)
Hilda (gonna get the 1st comic for my birthday!)
OK KO: Lets be Heros! (ENID AND KO SUPREMACY)
Avatar The Last Airbender (LOK is on my watchlist!)
Amphibia (Watched it partially when it first released, just starting to get back into it!)
The Owl House (see @gulfish CS / TOH fic im beta-ing >:D)
Moomin! (god snufkin i love you. TOVE JANSSON WAS QUEER!!)
Spies are Forever (Tatiana my BELOVEDDD)
Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse (the best marvel movie I’ve ever seen…the only marvel movie ive ever seen)
Phineas and Ferb / Milo Murphy’s Law (Melissa and Milo is the best friendship ever YOU CANT CHANGE MY MIND)
Butterfly Soup (GAY ASIANS PLAY BASEBALL. Also @animaestro717 is Akarasha I dont make the rules)
Undertale / Deltarune (havent played Ch 2 yet IM GONNA THO)
Jacksfilms (I have some shitposts for his stuff i’ve never released)
i could go on!! but i wont because we’d be here 80 years. thanks so much for asking :DD
#sailor moon#moominvalley#moomin#the owl house#phineas and ferb#milo murphy’s law#amphiba#deltarune#undertale#steven universe#gravity falls#hilda#ok ko lets be heroes#avatar the last airbender#spies are forever#butterfly soup#jacksfilms#carmen sandiego#spiderman into the spiderverse
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Tumblr thought it would be hilarious to delete all my work and not let me answer requests :').
YES I SHALL WRITE THE PLATONIC ANGRY PARENTS-
And thank you-I woke up and was talking to my friend in the morning and my brain just: jojo villain yandere dads. Mudad mudad mudad mudad anger.
Anyways, here they are- Do these even count as headcanons???? I dunno-
Dio, Part 1
Vampire form of course.
First thing first, We all know he'd be a great dad. Protective already, But make him a yandere platonic father? Oh boy, Trust me, You'd be spoiled and treated like royalty.
Now, I'm gonna say in this scenario you were on of his victims child. I'll say you'll be around 5 to eight.
Somehow you managed to catch his eye, Is it because your parent was just as bad as his? You reminded him of his mother? Or maybe you resemble him, and have three moles on your ear. Or, perhaps, A younger joestar? Either way, You somehow had him feeling like a father, and, according to one of my friends, Araki had said DIO would treat his children like they were royalty, And they would be so spoiled.
So, Mudad would end up taking you in, kidnapping, whichever honestly. He'd be holding you like a loving pet owner would, if you got scared, he'd probably be confused. Honestly he'd have you turned into a vampire quickly, as he knew he wouldn't be able to have children as a Vampire.
Truthfully, I think you'd end up never noticing how he'd occasionally pull you closer, or how he'd glare at anyone your age or older going near you. Or how he'd give you some strict rules, Like no dating anyone. E v e r. And why would you ever want to hurt your papa like that?! You wouldn't want to do that, right?! Of course you wouldn't! Dio knew you'd never betray him like that!!
Truth be told, he'd guilt you if you tried to go against his words. But punishments? No no, He'd never actually purposefully hurt you, Unlike his love interest, he'd NEVER want to cause you pain ever. He'd hate himself and wouldn't forgive himself for years. Centuries. Infact, he'd beg for your forgiveness.
The Pillarmen
And satannnaaaaa
First of all, You aren't a pillarchild. You'd most likely be some kind of god, vampire, or a young hamon learner. Or even related to the Joestars or Ceasar.
So, Let's say you're immortal who can walk in the sun. We all know you'd be the joestar side, Right? So, That means you'd end up hating or feeling pity for the pillarmen. First, You'd probably end up trying to make Santana hally when he awakens. Unlike with Joseph, He'd probably know not to attempt to attack you. Let's say you have symbols like Dio Over heaven, We all know how that would work.
You'd end up as a being worshipped by them, probably kidnapped after they destroy the Joestars.
Let's say they defeated Joseph and the others, and you were still a deity, You'd most likely be weaker then them in this scenario. They'd probably treat you like a kitten at first, like a baby before they all felt a connection. As if you were a child of their own, so they'd give you rules. And we all know how rules go with yanderes.
Let's say uh- you fell for a mortal.
"No. No."
[Crush name has fallen from a high place.]
"DADS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU-"
"NO CUSSING IN THIS CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!"
or something like that :')
Honestly, You'd have bird dad, and a bunch of other dads. Santana would honestly be like the cool big brother honestly. You'd probably want horns too so-
They would totally buy you halloween horns to put on your head so you'd be happy baby
Now, Hamon user? They'd probably find you like a cute animal at first, probably going easy on you like it was a game of tag. Soon, they'd realize how weak and fragile you are, After all, You are just starting hamon. They'd probably kidnap you to spite Joseph and his side at first, before... Well, You didn't expect to become a vampire and treated like royalty when all you've been treated like is uh... Considering Lisalisa is your coach, I'd say you'd be happy if it was someone else doing this for you.
Josephs sibling? WOAH Joseph, When did you get a cute sibling? Pfft, Not your sibling anymore, They just adopted your ex sibling nerd.
But, All jokes aside, They'd probably be surprised that you were more mature then your brother, and...you sorta resemble a certain Coach... Oh, Humans all look the same, haha.
They'd probably kidnap you infront of Joseph just to make him feel guilt and rage, After all, Why not get their prized treasure and make Joseph angry? They'd give you more rules, until Joseph was gone, of course.
And, sadly, Not even you crying would stop them from making you into a vampire infront of your big brother, breaking both of your hearts.
Don't worry you got ice cream later smh.
Ceasars sibling? Mini pancake? Haha, They'd kidnap you as soon as they felt parent like tendencies. No denying them, infact, they'd make sure you saw ceasar get defeated by the ro ck. But don't worry! You have new parents and a brother-! Haha, Poor you.
Part 3 DIO AKA mudad!
Honest to god you'd probably have to be a stand user with a weak or strong stand, or, you were one of his kids he had with a lucky woman who survived and got a naked polaroid of him as a 'wow you lived! Congrats, now go have my kid lmao' gift. Or, Maybe you were a normal kid who was kind to him, even if he,,,, did some questionable murder infront of you. And maybe you were a young
Now, Let's say you were a strong stand user. He'd end up wanting to use a flesh bud until he realized... He never had a kid, that he knows of, and decided to raise you! At first he'd be upset you had a strong stand like your mudad, but realized you could protect yourself from those dreadful joestars! Congrats, You became a Brando! :) How unlucky, Considering this DIO would probably force vampire masks onto you, or even using fleshbuds as a threat. Either way, You'll always be papas baby!
Yoshikage kira.
Like I said in my first post of this, He'd want to have a nice average life. You having a stand wouldn't be a problem, Since he'd probably convince you Josuke and the others are awful and rude.
Josukes sibling? Well, He'd end up telling you he can help your brother with his murder issue if you come with him. You don't exactly have a choice since Killer queen would easily overpower you if you had disagreed. You'd end up being a normal and peaceful child before long, Infact, He'd have to pretend he had adopted you behind his 'wifes' back.
Hayotos friend he never talks about? Congrats, You are now stuck with a crazy and loving father! And a mother, I suppose. And you get your best friend as a brother! You'd never be able to leave, how sad. But, You'd have your new mom and your dad to talk to-! And killer queen cuddle time.
Now, Let's say you were his own kid. Wowzers! You think its normal for your father to bring women hands home, after all, You are pretty young and your father told you most adults do this. Ah. How enjoyable.
Doppio/Diavolo
Oh dear. You poor child.
Either you were related to trish, and he somehow felt like you wouldn't be a problem before they felt more of a father love towards you, Most likely somehow getting rif of the traitors and your big sister.
"Where's big sister?"
"Don't worry about her, She's spending time with your mother."
Smh quit LIEING you jERK!
But seriously, Doppio would be like the fun mom asking you if you'd like bake cupcakes in his spare time! Read you bed time stories and whatnot! Diavolo would be awkward and "wanna play baseball or whatever kids like to do these days?" Awkward dad alert.
"My kid is fine!"
The kid they kidnapped/raised:
Casually trying to beat another kid with a baseball.���💚💛
Honestly they'd insult everyone elses kids while here their kid is, casually scared of baseball.
Pucci
Papa priest! We all know he'd adopt you! I head canon him as gay, considering DIO and him were totally a thing.
So, He'd probably have you study Lord DIO bibles, and casually have you hate Jolyne. Probably even give you a stand, And even show you that DIO is the best! Worship! Protect yourself and all that!
Jotaro would probably scare you, so I can see you holding onto Pucci while Jotaro appears anytime, so pucci would infact love it when you snuggle onto him lime a cute kitten. Hell, you even Sneeze like a kitten!
Honestly You'd be kept under watch 24/7, but you'd think it was normal, after all, Your father would mever do something so awful like Those Joestars claim...right?
Diego
Oh wow- dino dad :)
Let's say you were a big fan of his, Then, Well,You wouldn't mind having him as a dad, Now would you? He is your idol, Right? Yeah. Yeah!
He'd probably carry you around upside down, Hot pants just questioning his sanity as he drops you a million times. Hot pants would probably end up carrying you most of the time.
Mama hot pants and father Diego. Y es.
And, Let's say you were traveling with Johnny. Congrats. You've put yourself in a even worse situation considering Diego would become worried and paranoid over those two idiots hurting you! And he hates the idea of his baby boy/girl/child being hurt by barbarians!!!
Even though he'd probably hurt you on accident if I'm gonna be honest.
Kidnapping isn't a very easy job, so of course he had to knock you out! What was he supposed to do?! Ask you to come stay with him forever?! No! Maybe! HuawhuKaia-
Honestly not too many rules, just don't leave his side ever! Except when going to the bathroom. You'll be tied to his horse. No whining >:(.
Funny Valentine
Honestly what did you think he was going to do? Pick some random child? No no, He'd choose the PERFECT child! You were so lucky! Wow! The daughter of the mos powerful man ever! Lucky you, Right?
No. You don't get alone time unless it's you sleeping or bathing. You wear what he wants, and no.
Dating not allowed. Bad. No no no no no.
"No. No dating. Your lips will fall off."
"but mommys lips didn't-"
"Your face will melt off."
Basically you'd be bossed around and treated like royalty, as long as you listen to you dad!
Honestly I don't know if this is headcanons, if if it isn't feel free to scream at me in the comments-
AND I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY ANSWER, SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS AND ARE ABLE TO ENJOY IT??? I GUESS???
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Idk if you are still taking prompts, but you know the vine two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're not gay, and a girl quoting it in a park about two girls in the distance and one of them hearing and going "Actually I am gay" Like that scenario, only involving them fixing the boat? Maybe Sarah quoting it to give Sam shit when she thinks Bucky cant hear and Bucky goes "Wait, no I'm gay" or something, or just the general gist of that. Sorry if this us too specific, I've never sent anyone a prompt before :P
Hello Friend! Thank you so much for sending anything in at all! I know the vine you're talking about, but I couldn't find it on Youtube. (I did find a two day rabbit hole of old compilations though) This was also my first foray into writing Sarah as a fully fleshed character! I was excited to get the practice 'cause I had an idea bouncing around in my head about her and Bucky talking after he wakes up in the Wilson house. I kept her a little more like she had been in my other fics pre-show here. I so wish we got a little more of her!
Feel free, anyone, to send me Sambucky prompts!
The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation
Sarah Wilson loved her brother deeply. The kind of soul crushing love that could only be formed through family, loss, and approximately four thousand brawls around the living room throughout their life. She looked up to her brother more than she could ever imagine looking up to anyone. Even when they were fighting or picking on each other, she couldn’t help but feel a swell in her chest when he came into her line of sight.
That didn’t mean she understood him. In fact, from the age of eight, watching her brother interact with the world had become her go-to pastime. Why did he have to roll every pea around the plate individually before eating them? Why did he and his friends spend seven years socking each other in the arm to prove friendship? Why did he talk to himself in the mirror, even when he knew Sarah or someone else was standing in the doorway?
Sam Wilson was just deeply weird. She had no idea how he had tricked the Avengers, a plethora of bad guys, and half of the media world into thinking he was remotely cool. She saw a news story once that had King T’Challa standing on a platform with Sam and the newscasters talked about how impressive Sam’s suit was. It was unnatural, the effect he had on people.
And in all her years, she never thought she’d see anyone weirder than Sam. But then James Barnes had showed up. It was like a complete reversal of Sam. Sarah was taken in for approximately three hours by his charm and face before she realized he too was deeply, deeply weird.
She justified sitting on the edge of the Paul and Darlene, watching her brother and James Barnes spar off about some dumb trivia fact, by deciding it was an anthropological expedition. The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation. She watched Sam watch Barnes take a long pull off his beer. She watched Barnes kick his feet up near Sam’s legs and then draw them back quickly when a current jolted the boat. She watched Barnes’ fingers tap-tap-tap against the edge of the boat, inching closer to Sam’s shoulder before he chickened out and brought his hand back to his own lap. She watched Sam suggest Bucky take his jacket off, ‘unless you plan on sun blinding me with the robocop arm.’ She watched Sam look away when Barnes did shrug his jacket off.
When she was seventeen and Sam was fifteen, she had found Sam crying in his room, pillow pressed to his face to muffle the noise. They were at the age where going into each other’s rooms uninvited started international conflicts, but Sarah, who watched her brother intently, felt like she knew what was going on. So she let herself in through their Jack-and-Jill bathroom and shut the door behind her.
Sam didn’t stop crying, not even to yell at her to get out, so she sat on the end of his bed and rolled a baseball under her foot for a while. Finally, she’d said, “You don’t have to tell Mom and Dad, y’know.”
Sam had just about wailed and bit the corner of his pillow to stop himself.
“That’s gross, stop it,” Sarah ordered and pushed Sam’s shoulder back enough to yank his pillow free and then reached over to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I should make you do the laundry this week so I know I’m not touching your snot germs,” she teased softly.
“How did you know?” Sam hiccuped out. Tears were still brimming at his eyes, but they didn’t fall.
“I’m your older sister. I made you. Like a doll. You think there’s something about you that I don’t know?” she joked. And when the tears did spill over his long lashes, she sighed and pulled him closer to her side. “I just know the way you interact with that boy from the basketball team ain’t just friendly.”
“Jesus, do you think he can tell?” Sam asked and she could hear the mortification in his voice.
“Sam, he’s a freshman in high school. The only thing he knows is that he’s scared of everything too. No one’s paying that much attention to you.”
“Screw you,” Sam muttered.
“What’re all these tears for you if you didn’t make a move and get shot down?”
“God, Sarah, can you not say things like that?”
“Watch your mouth,” Sarah warned with no heat in her voice. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. I’m not leaving until you do.”
“I just…” Sam sat up and worked his jaw for a while. His chin dimpled and his eyes watered but he managed to control himself. “I’m scared, Sarah. I’m scared of never being in love. Of having to leave if I am. I’m scared to say something and I’m scared not to say something. I’m so scared of...losing any of it.”
“Sam,” Sarah sighed and pulled Sam into another hug. “You’re fifteen. You’re not supposed to be in love yet. You don’t have to think about any of that. You just have to focus on passing Geometry, alright? Mom’ll whoop your ass more for failing than anything else.”
“I have a B+, that’s not failing!” Sam snapped. He kept his face against her shoulder for a second long before he sat up and wiped his tears away. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“Who am I gonna tell? I told you, my friends don’t like you as much as you think they do.”
“Your friends like me more than they like you,” Sam shot back and he almost sounded normal.
Sarah smiled softly and patted Sam’s cheek. “I won’t tell Mom or Dad. Of course not. That’s for you to do. But--”
“I’m always going to tell them when you sneak out the window.”
“No! Sam! You can’t! You owe me now!”
“Going to field parties is not the same thing!” Sam said in a shriek as Sarah leaned over to pinch his sides. They grappled for a second before Sam managed to push Sarah off the bed.
“You owe me,” she reminded him as she walked back to the bathroom.
Sam wiped his eyes again and nodded. “Sure, Sarah. I do.”
Sam almost had the same look on his face now. Like there was something he wanted to reach for that he thought was too impossible to hold. The Older Sister Instinct to Antagonize into a Solution kicked in.
“Two bros, chilling on a boat, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay,” she sing-songed. Sam looked mortified again but masked his face into something more irritated with a roll of his eyes when Barnes looked over at him.
“Ignore her. It’s this old video--” Sam started.
But Bucky interrupted to say, “Actually I am gay,” as he looked back over at Sarah. “Sorry if I got your hopes up,” he added with a grin that really did get the hopes up.
“What?” Sam asked and Sarah, ever watchful, could see the beer bottle shaking in his hand.
“What?” Bucky repeated innocently.
“He said he’s gay,” Sarah clarified.
“Thank you, Sarah,” Sam ground out. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Bucky snorted. “When would I have said anything? ‘Sorry for ripping your wings off and kicking you off of a hellicarrier, by the way I’m gay.’?”
“You did what?” Sarah asked.
“‘Sorry for claiming I didn’t bomb the UN only to be reverted back to the assassin who would have done that and then fighting you again. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Thanks for saving my life. Sorry about the giant undersea prison. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘There’s an imminent battle with weird ass space dogs that want to eat our faces. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Sorry about Tony Stark, whose life I kind of ruined. Lovely funeral. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘I’m in the middle of being pissed at you about the Shield. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Maybe don’t take me rolling through a field of flowers. It does things to me ‘cause I’m gay.’ ‘John Walker’s fucking insane. I’m gay, but definitely not for this bullshit.’ I mean, come on, Sam.”
“Flowers?” Sarah asked.
“Besides, why would you care? I don’t make it a habit of telling straight guys I’m into guys.”
“You don’t seem to make a habit of telling many people that,” Sarah pointed out. “I googled you. Nothing suggesting that came up.”
Bucky shrugged. “I’m a guy from the 30s. It was trained out of me.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Sarah said quickly. “Back up away from that because we’re not gonna try to Oppression Olympics our way through our histories. Did you just say Sam was straight?”
“Sarah!” Sam hissed.
“Sure. I mean, I saw him with Romanov. Hill. He has Tinder on his phone.”
“Samuel Thomas, you better not,” Sarah warned lightly. “You’re better than that.”
“He’s a lady-killer.”
Sarah snorted and had to bring her hand up to her face. “He definitely is not. There has been no lady-killing on his end for a long time.”
“Sarah!” Sam tried again.
“You explain it to him then. Mr. 30s is gonna need the long way round explanation.”
Sam sighed and dragged his hand over his face. “Dammit. Fine. I’m not straight either, alright? I’m...bi, or something. It’s been a while since I’ve had to think about it.”
“What?” Bucky asked, not unlike Sam had.
“He said he’s bisexual. Interested in both parties. Swings either way. Hit a homerun and then hasn’t really swung since.”
“Sarah, Jesus Christ,” Sam groaned.
“What?” Bucky asked again.
“I was engaged. To a man,” Sam said.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky asked, clearly missing the irony.
“Oh, it was inconvenient for you but I had plenty of opportunities, huh?” Sam asked. “Ms. Tell-It-All over there wasn’t joking. I haven’t swung any direction in a while. Not since before I met Steve. My fiance died. And then it never came up.”
Bucky blinked at Sam. He kept bringing the bottle halfway up his body and then setting it back on his leg without ever taking a drink. “Fuck, Sam, I’m sorry,” Bucky said, which was not what Sarah was expecting and it clearly wasn’t what Sam was expecting because Sam finally moved closer to Bucky on the bench.
“What for? You didn’t do anything. This time.”
“Yeah, but if I’d known you were into me too, I woulda kissed you in Germany.”
“Oh, I am so not into you,” Sam denied. “And I wouldn’t have our first kiss ruined by immediately running into the government’s roving show monkey.”
“That’s the worst,” Bucky agreed and also finally moved over on the bench until they were pressed thigh to thigh. “Tell me how much you don’t like me again,” he challenged.
“I can’t stand you,” Sam answered and brought his hand up to Bucky’s jaw.
Sarah couldn’t fight down the grin that came to her face and turned to prop her feet on the pier, back to Sam and Bucky. Just this once, she didn’t need to watch her brother to understand him.
Read on AO3 here!
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