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#telling me how I should eat less
finalhaunts · 11 months
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> I go to calculate my BMI on a website
> Straight up just gets called obese
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corvidcas · 1 year
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i think part of the reason people are so hateful about fat people is because theyre not fat, even though they put little to no effort into their diet and daily activity levels. even if they dont live healthy lifestyles and theyre not trying to, and theyre still a "normal" weight. and because theyre ignorant and resistant to learning about how peoples bodily functions vary wildly, anyone who is fat must have brought it upon themselves by being extra lazy or extra glutinous and if they were normal they wouldnt be fat and its soooo easy to not be fat because look at them theyre not fat. which is so fucking stupid because so many people complain about how skinny people exist without "earning" how skinny they are, theyre literally just like that even if they eat tons of food because they're trying desperately not to be skinny. but the opposite cant be true for fat people apparently. fatness is always a direct consequence of abnormal habits apparently.
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craycraybluejay · 5 months
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Any advice for taking painkillers (ibuprofen/non-nsaid and non-narcotic) when hard to eat?
#advice needed#also how much do you need to eat to protect your health when taking ibuprofen#also considering just finishing off the last of my percocet but idk if its a good idea i mean what if#what if i get some sort of disease and also get shot and stabbed you know#im very paranoid about using limited resources when i dont know if current issues will get worse or new issues will require them more#doctors should give out opiates like candy again and not just to very old people#like ok sure i can become an addict or more likely without i can experience acute pain go into pain shock and die#and even if i dont die i dont think i or anyone else deserves to suffer for no reason#painkillers should be more widely available you should not have to engage with drug dealers just for pain relief#but the unfortunate truth is some people with seriously debilitating and painful problems do have to resort to less than legal means#if they dont want to just suffer into suicidality#being in pain all the time makes living seem super overrated#dealers overcharge and are not always a safe source because they cut their drugs sometimes#doctors and lawmakers should step up and realize its better to risk the creation of an addict than the death of a disabled or sick person#and its better to prescribe more painkillers in a controlled medical environment where patients can be monitored and drugs are pure#than for people in need to have to risk their lives and health#i deserve pain relief goddamnit so do you#anyway tell me what to eat
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dreamlogic · 1 year
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#shit chat#disordered eating cw#how to. politely ask my housemate to stop fucking telling me about her diet progress#she's trying to lose weight cause she's a musician & her band is traveling to this big thing at the end of the month#by doing really strict by-weight portion control and it does NOT seem healthy#she's trying to get back to her 'italy weight' and like. girl. u went to italy in high school 10 years ago & biked everywhere for a month#if you are at that same weight a decade later without exercise by simply making yourself eat less food there is a problem!#that is not aspirational that's horrifying!!! no u don't look hot in your gig outfit from 2013 you look disproportionately skinny!#so i gotta sit her down at some point and be like listen. ur an adult ur gonna do what you do#& i know ur industry puts insane pressure on women to look a certain way on stage.#but as someone with a history of disordered eating i will not cheer you on and support your 'progress'#and quite honestly it makes me uncomfortable to even talk about it and see your stupid little diet scale on the kitchen counter every day!!#i strongly associate weight loss with poor health for a number of reasons#and firmly believe that weight gain is cool and sexy and that everyone should be less afraid of being actually!!!#it was a struggle w/ dysmorphia for a while but putting on some chub is one of the best things i've been able to do for my body as an adult#i love my squishy tummy and hearing you obsess about having a perfectly flat (ie concave) abdomen daily is deeply saddening!!!#bleh. it's hard. i feel like i should gently intervene but also i do not want to get involved bc it's more than i can handle rn#*less afraid of being fat actually
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widevibratobitch · 6 months
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#tw ed#saw a picture of myself from when i was *checks notes* at my fucking worst with my ED but that meant i was also Thinner.#i really should Go Back huh. maybe if i did i wouldnt feel. Like This.#it'd prolly mean id start losing my hair again which. not a big fan. BUT.#if i was really dedicated i could also lose my period which. huge fan. that was one of the best things that ever happened to me tbh#i could have it all back. maybe i could even get farther than the last time. all it would take is uhh feeling utterly fucking miserable#having no energy for the most basic stuff let alone singing and thinking about nothing and i mean NOTHING but calories 24/7.#but hey. maybe i could like. lose 5 kg for my troubles and then gain back twice as much when i decide again that i just Cant Live Like This#totally worth it huh#anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing#and encouraging me to keep going. and i miss the sense of Accomplishment and the Pride and the Not Feeling Disgusting#or at least Making Up For It by just. not eating lol#cause like its not like im actually much better mentally am i lmao clearly im not. only now im both miserable AND fat.#obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them.#but if i have to be miserable anyway i could at least be. less f/at about it right. maybe then ill be worth something <3#...and other delusions you keep cultivating because there's something deeply and inherently wrong with you#my new bestseller coming soon to your nearest bookshop dont miss it its only $free.99!
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martyrbat · 1 year
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i genuinely dont think people realize the impact of being poor and how it effects your entire life - even if you do become financially stable in the future
#as im sitting here once again weighing choices of 'haha get to eat anything or keep electricity' im once again getting so angry at everyone#in real life and the system thats designed to keep poor people poor until we just fucking die. our lives only mattering when we're a#statistic and gone.#amd realizing how many people will just. never understand. which is great! no one should be poor or go hungry or homeless.#but its these privileged people undervaluing the significance of being poor and what it means#the panic on where your next meal will be? the instinct to hoard any food or eat when not hungry because it could be ur last opportunity#to have a meal in god knows how long? spending as little money as possible and feeling guilty if ANYTHING goes outside of bills#or even goes to grocery thats more expensive or tastes better?#the lesson not to open doors or look out windows when someone knocks because debt collectors? never to answer the phone?#the health that gets neglected and causes bigger issues? the way your immune system is never given a chance to recover entirely?#not being able to afford a loaf of bread much less college. not able to have the same education or work opportunities and always 'behind'#literally every single thing in your life is effected by being poor.#part of why i get so angry when that's an ignored factor with jason because no.#that panic and instict and experience never leave you because its how you literally how you survive(d).#anyways.#can anyone tell im bitter and have a migraine. i want to get in a fist fight someone come fight me.#crypt callings
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#the show was so fun and perfect#and then I ruined a nice time by going to eat with my friend. because I never see her anymore and if I don’t make the plan no one will#but jesus motherfucking christ I need my friends who makes over $20k more than me to be real about how much they have#when I was working 2 jobs I was making much less and still felt like a millionaire! and I love to pick up the tab. I won’t buy you stuff#but dinner/drinks is such a nice and easy way to do something nice#meanwhile this bitch tells me about paying to see the Jobros again! has a fucking coupon to eat. and asks if I’m tipping 15% or 18%#and she’ll venmo me her half of the tip. $3. hi if you have money and don’t tip at least 20% you’re a fucking freak!!#idk this is a whole ramble that probably sounds petty. but my friends knowing what our incomes are and how I’ve been stressed about things#I need to handle and just no one bothering to do anything nice. like literally what the fuck do people do with money???#when I had extra I did the only thing you should: give it to people who don’t!#also talking to this friend is like talking to a wall and everything she likes is. well fucking stupid. so remind me to not do this again!!#I constantly feel like I lived through a different 2020 than everyone else. I am deeply further radicalized#but my friends making decent money have such useless ass gen x energy. it’s fucking embarrassing#there’s seriously something wrong with the consumerism of people who liked Disney channel shit and i think people should fuck off
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chillybuilt · 10 months
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doctors with a completely straight face to someone with depression: you need to practice self denial it is the price you pay for being smart
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perenlop · 2 years
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#can my mom like. please not jump to conclusions and be all weird about me#so bit of context for earlier post is that i was eating breakfast and i just woke up and my mom walked in and greeted my happily#and i just gave like a casual ''hey'' bc my mouth was full and she was like ''LOL wtf thats so rude! lets try again. hey!''#and i said hey again but tried to make it sound more chipper but failed bc im tired and she just groaned and walked into the other room#and we're supposed to go to the river today but shes trying to make plans to go today and tomorrow bc my aunt is coming today#and aunt has a tendency to try and keep people around for very late despite previousplans and my mom always goes with it#so she wants a day with just us. issue is i have to go into college tomorrow to do a meeting and i wanted to study#which. btw i told my mom abt earlier in the week saying id ask to attend virtually but she shut it down and INSISTED i go in person#and whatever plans we have dont matter so i should just go ahead and dedicate the day to schoolwork#so i remind my mom of this and suddenly shes like ''wtf. ur staying the whole day? cant you go for just the meeting and leave?''#which i didnt want to do bc the meeting is less time than the drive and she literally told me to stay the entire day#so i remind her and she gets frustrated and mad telling me i ''shouldnt limit myself and i should decide to go either today or tomorrow''#but probably should just study today bc ''well youre clearly in a bad mood for how u greeted me today so maybe you shouldnt come''#and basically ''come when youre in a better fucking mood tomorrow'' and like. well i WASNT in a bad mood i was just tired#but damn ok now i fucking am bc now youre getting mad at me for plans YOU fucking suggested i do#when i had a completely different plan at first that u tried to make out to be ridiculous#fucking hate it when she does this she also did it on vacation where she got snappy and passive aggressive and rude to me#bc she THOUGHT i was in a bad mood at the park when i wasnt. i just hadnt woken up all the day and wasnt talking#but instead of asking abt it or anything like that she got pissed and basically treated me like shit the whole day#and then when i confronted her she was just like ''ok we BOTH messed up i GUESS can we put it behind us''#it makes it hard to talk to her when theres an actual problem bc i try to communicate and she just takes it as a personal attack#so now i dont want to go out today just bc my moms being shitty and accusing me of not liking her sister (which ngl i really dont)#and yeah i dont want to stay out late when i did want to get at least one reading done today#but i had everything prepared and now i have full obligations to tomorrow bc she insisted i go ahead#and now shes acting like i did that to spite her#its so exhausting. probably gonna take like separate cars tho tbh so can leave even i f they get sucked in#and use the work as an excuse#echoed voice
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yuwuta · 3 months
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friends with benefits with nanami wouldn’t work because he would think you deserve better. you think your arrangement is going well, kento has never complained before, and you’re certainly more than satisfied in bed. he’s handsome, strong, kind, generous with aftercare, and really fucking good with his mouth, so there are no complaints on your end. which is why it’s such a surprise to you when kento confesses that he doesn’t like the way he’s been treating you, and no matter how much you insist that it’s fine, and reassure him that he treats you more than well enough, he refuses. 
“but kento, i’m okay with this,” you attempt to convince him that hooking up is enough—he doesn’t need to feel like he has to do more for you, “you’re good to me, and not just in bed. please don’t feel like you owe me more.” 
“you deserve something proper,” he’s adamant, shaking his head, “you deserve more than convenient sex.” 
“but what if this is all i want?” you can’t help but to tease him. he looks awfully cute with his arms crossed, respectful refusal written all over his face, “i think eating me out on a weekly basis is quite enough, it would just be greedy for me to ask for more, don’t you think?” 
your jokes don’t amuse him, but his expression keeps you giggling. still, nanami sighs, and grumbles, “you should want more. it’s not greedy.”
“kento, if i didn’t know any better, i’d think you’re telling me to raise my standards.”
he blinks, cheeks pink with irritation and eyes hollow with tiredness. you push every single one of his buttons and he doesn’t know why, but he would never stop you. maybe that’s where this impeding guilt is coming from—kento likes you, and he doesn’t enjoy feeling like he’s using you, even if you get to use him in return. he doesn’t want your relationship to be transactional, and he doesn’t like that you think such a relationship is okay. 
because, guilt aside, kento knows he wants more of you; he wants all of you. and even if you don’t want him back, he thinks you should know that you’re worth having all of, and nothing less. 
“maybe i am,” he settles, “you are worth more than an occasional hookup. you should be treated better than this, and i am sorry that i have let it go on for this long.”
“this is ridiculous—you’re nothing but good to me! and i like having sex with you. if you don’t want to have sex with me anymore, that’s fine, but—”
“i didn’t say that,” he interrupts. 
“so… you do wanna keep sleeping with me?” 
“yes. but we should go on a date before we continue.” 
“but what if our date is terrible. do we still get to have post-first date sex?” 
he shakes his head, stepping closer to you and holding your forearms before leaning down to kiss your forehead, “i don’t put out on the first date.”
you scoff, taking a half-step closer, snaking your arms around his torso, and grinning up at him, “what a prude.”
at that he smiles, before bending his neck to indulge you in one last kiss. “i’ll pick you up at seven.” 
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inazuma-fulgur · 4 months
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Normally I truly just ignore shitty opinions
But sometimes I see so many shitty takes, so many posts preaching and shaming, I wonder if there even are any others outside of those and shallow entertainment, goofy jokes
Ie. Everything is either for fun (good) or serious nonsense
And I realize there are serious and good and thoughtful posts out there, they even get shared, I have shared them. But I can't unfeel that they never start discussions, get people talking and rethinking, even when that is their stated goal
To me it seems people are always just searching for the next appealing, popular post to *unironically* integrate into their belief system the way they meet it. No being picky about takes, no taking only the parts you like, no self reflection and merging the new knowledge with the old, always replace everything.
Got a new personality and political opinion for free from my favorite (insert ideology here) influencer
Like genuinely, to me the reason why Hbomb is popular on here is not because he's good (he is though) but because it's good easy drama, comes with a target and moralization (or at least a villain which can be targeted and who's action can be moralized) in a format that is so large most of us aren't even used to comprehending such thorough takes, how could we possibly critically examine and compare them?
And no matter what hbomb says, someone will find a way to deliberately misunderstand him, someone will be lazy and self righteous about it
If you found out from Hbombs video that James Somerton is full of shit, didn't manage to do that on your own, do you really think just by watching that once or twice you've figured out and learned everything about scammers? About fact checking? You probably didn't even fact check his video because everything aligned with your beliefs, you just needed to make the new information fit in somehow.
It's probably pointless to say this, but he isn't infallible, and he knows he isn't, he admits he isn't, still his videos are gospel to people. All Harris gives you is an idea, a starting point, a concept from where you can expand. He doesn't know what's right, he just knows that what James and Illuminaughti did definitely ain't it.
And that's cool y'know, I don't expect anything more. Only if his watchers could stop pretending he is all of the above, no different from Vaush* fans or whoever. Philosophy Tube fans, very much the same. And Abby and others definitely, maliciously or not, profit off of that, actively keep it that way because it makes YouTube safe as a source of income. It also makes for more efficient and easier branding
*not saying hbomb is like vaush. He isn't
But y'know, Harris and Abby are white british people how could they be wrong about anything amiright
Tumblr, I call you out, do the thing you preach and start fact checking and thinking critically
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mrfoox · 10 months
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Lmao... Told Roo I'm bummed that I can't get Fabian to come visit me and he went on an heartfelt rant
"He's such a noob, I told him just days ago that it's an disgrace that he haven't visited you yet! You live in the same country! He sucks, Goddammit. He have so much free time, he isn't busy with much"
#miranda talking shit#Ajjdbdjdksjsjdjdjdj i love them....#The fact roo is so emotional about it really made me :') yeah#Me: uh... I mean i can go to Stockholm too... But then I'd HAVE to spend moneh for hotel and food so thats like 3-4x more expensive at best#If he comes here he can stay with me and eat for free....#Roo: YEAH all he have to spend money on is train tickets? How much is that??#Me: um. Ive checked and around 30-40 euro if youre lucky. 50+ if not. So ride here and back would be around 60-80 euro#Roo: i cant believe that guy... He got no excuse now. Its the same country !!!!!#The boys#Roo#Fabian#My less understanding and timid side agreed but also i dont want to... Pressure him. Like maybe he doesn't want to...#Then again I'd not understand why he wouldn't want to if he actually ... Likes me? Idk#Like me roo and matt managed to meet up in 2018 and i flew to london for it alone. Id do it again in a heartbeat lol#Its funny that roo gets so upset about it tho... Feels like hes doing it for me#Idk if i need to be more aggressive about it and tell him WHEN he should come#I have ASD and i often prefer people to decide things for me or give me a few options#But everytime i bring it up he says like 'yeah this summer probably'#At one hand i feel hurt bc i feel like he doesnt actually want to... But also i feel guilty for somewhat forcing it on him....#Ofc i really REALLY want to meet him and roo. Unfortunately roo lived in another country so that needs more planning...#Fabian is less than 1000km away ... He could take a train and be here in 6h or a flight in 1h...#Id mentioned i would basically provide him with house and food. If he rather pay for an hotel thats like 90euro per night here but like#Whatever makes him more comfortable? I just ... Am mentally GOOD for the first time in history ... I want to spend time with people i love
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decolonize-the-left · 1 month
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I saw your post about the leopards eating faces and democrats and if you think the us is bad under biden have a good look through project 2025 and please fucking realize that queer people, those that can get pregnant, and people of color are going to be absolutely fucked if trump wins in November.
Sigh
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If you ACTUALLY read it then you'd know Biden is ALREADY carrying out the goals outlined in project2025. You'd also know that his administration is even using the SAME exact language that's found in the Mandate for Leadership. Such as "protecting the freedom of navigation in the Suez Canal"
I literally have a post floating around somewhere where I said he was gonna escalate the genocide and smoke out all the rebel groups because guess what? Project2025 outlined that too. Literally listed them as targets that the administration should focus on.
Another part of it says they should continue to protect and support Israel's "right to defend itself" at any cost.
So yeah that thing you're afraid of? It's here. And it's here because you thought the fascist with a blue tie was less scary than a fascist than a red tie so you stopped paying attention when Blue Tie Man was around. And that blue Fascism that's allowing book bans and abortion bans and making trans people illegal is going to stay here and grow because you don't fucking care to address it unless the tie is red.
Maybe fucking read the thing you're trying to fearmonger me about because I guarantee I've read more of it than you.
And it's not that I find the realities in it less scary, it's that I'm not such a privileged shithead that I would prioritize my own comfort over lives being lost in a literal fucking genocide.
Yeah shit sucks for queer people and trans people and trust me, I know that, but we aren't being killed in broad fucking daylight and having people go into denial about it so maybe instead of barking up MY blog about how fucked up everything is you go and send the DNC and your representatives some emails and tell them to give Democrats a candidate that doesnt commit genocide?
How about instead of yelling at me to lower my standards cuz things MIGHT get scarier for you if Blue Tie Man doesn't beat trump (and he won't) you ACCEPT that reality and DO SOMETHING USEFUL about it. How about you and your party just BE BETTER????
There's seven months before the elections and Biden is tanking every poll and Democrats are voting uncommited in swing states and what's Biden doing? Doubling down on every single policy that he's losing voters over (like supporting Israel). If he loses that's not my fault or anyone else's.
Maybe stop asking people to vote for a warmongering white supremacist.
"think of the queers and pregnant people and PoC"
I Am.
They live in Palestine and Sudan and the DRC.
Or did you mean I should prioritize different queers and pregnant people and PoC?
Don't be shy. Did you mean I should prioritize you?
Cuz yeah. Fuck that.
(white) USamerican citizens prioritizing ourselves over everyone else is exactly how the world got so fucked up.
I'm NOT voting for Biden under any fucking circumstances, don't waste my time with another bullshit uninformed scare mongering ask like this again just cuz YOU lack the solidarity to care about any community but your own.
The fuck?
Do you think the queer community only counts Americans? What an ignorant thing to say. "Think of minority communites but only from this specific part of the world"
You wouldn't know community if it hit you in the fucking face.
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inkdrinkerworld · 14 days
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Spencer thought!! Love thinking spencer would ramble facts to his crush, and her absolutely eating it up. Derek teasing spencer about how he should "actually flirt" and not give her facts. Spencer tries to take his advice by holding himself back from ranting, then gets flustered when she asks him for facts. And that leads him to bragging to Derek how his "bad" flirting actually work. Have a good day! <3
“I’ll have you know Derek Morgan, she likes my rambling.” Spencer comes into work with a spring in his step and two coffees in his hand.
“What are you talking about, Pretty Ricky?” Derek looks over his computer, hand reaching for one of the coffees.
“Y/n. You said stop rambling so much to her and flirt, turns out my rambling is considered flirting.” Derek isn’t any less confused.
Spencer shrugs, sipping his coffee as he recounts the details of your date last night. Telling Derek how not rambling left room for him to be a little more awkward until you’d come right out and ask him for a fact about the amount of chain restaurants in the area.
“And she was actually listening. Not just listening to be polite!” Derek didn’t think there’d ever be a point in time where you listened to Spencer just to be polite.
You come in a little bit after their conversation, holding two paper bags and a large dish and Spencer stills. You’re in your regular work pants, a little flared at your legs and a compression top, in a pretty purple. His breath hitches when you smile at him.
Spencer rushes to help you hold the dish. “Morning, Spence. That’s a coffee cake I made for everyone.” You give Derek a smile as you set down your other things on your desk.
“There’s breakfast for you and you can’t deny having it because I’ll be sad and I’ll cry to convince you to eat it.”
Spencer chuckles, taking a peek into one of the bags and finding his favourite in there. “I wouldn’t make you cry. Will you sit with me?” Derek watches with some amusement as you scramble to set your things in the kitchen.
The rest of the team make poor concealments at ogling the two of you having breakfast together.
Emily hitting Derek on the arm as Spencer wipes a bit of butter from the corner of your mouth and JJ and Hotch smiling as you stumble through the rest of your sentence.
“Okay so he can put the moves on.” Emily says, more like sibling chiding than anything.
“When do you think they’ll ask each other to be official?” JJ asks, eyes still glued to the two of you, clearly lost in your own worlds.
“Maybe next month is Spence keeps it up.” Hotch really hopes you make it official soon.
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tinylittlebab · 1 year
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HEYYYYY i have a scale and i didnt even have to buy it!!
#i figured there was one in roomates room and i mentioned that i was gna buy one to my sister since shes going to the store and apparently#the scale actually belongs to her and it was just put in his bathroom when i moved here bc they didnt want it to trigger a relapse which it#def wouldve 5 months ago so good call. its in the shared bathroom now. glad i didnt have to buy one and now i can weigh myself. ofc we#talked abt this right after i ate so im not gna weigh myself immediately but i will soon#usually my mom send money directly to me but this time my dad sent it to my sister for me for whatever reason which makes things difficult#im gonna call her tomorrow and ask abt it maybe but shes going to see my dad tomorrow so might be a bad idea. he is getting more erratic#i might not get any of my things back from that house which sucks. knowing him he will probably burn the house down and then kill himself#like hes been threatening to for years. i hope he just kills himself qithout doing any other damges. i want him to die#well. hopefully he doesnt burn everything down and hopefully he kills himself before they divorce so my mom gets stuff from it#tho if he does it after they divorce then it will go to all his kids which would be good. my mom needs the money more though#well. ill see if my sister can give me some cash or smth so i can actually buy stuff. tho based of the amount sent i should get some more#sometime soon so idk. hopefully. shes been reall bad abt sending me money on time and sending the right amount and its hard to buy food#well at least ill have to spend less on it now but i wanna buy a foodscale and blades so. my sister is going with the store with me bc she#wants me to actually go bc i dont have much food in the house. i mentioned what i wanted to buy and she said she can just hang at subway#while i do it so i think itll be ok. i didnt tell her abt the blades ofc. well i guess i can use my change to buy the stuff#anyway. i wanna know how much i weight and how much i eat before i start restricting bc its a very useful thing to know#im at a sustained weight and diet and im not gaining anything now so i can adjust it accordingly
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kingconia · 8 months
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TWISTED WONDERLAND'S HOUSEWARDENS WITH A READER, WHO IS INSPIRED BY THE PROTAGONIST FROM THEIR STORIES
A/N: I didn't add Kalim or Jamil, because I feel their storyline is too much Aladdin & Jafar inspired already to do anything else with them.
Riddle Rosehearts. ❤️
— That was definitely a dislike from the first sight. He predicted you to be his future reason of headache as soon as the mirror sent you to the Heartslabyul;
— Riddle sees you as an air-headed fool, who only asks too many unnecessary things, daring to question the wishes of the Red Queen, instead of serving to your dorm as a proper student would do;
— You, from the other side, struggle with understanding what makes Riddle hate you so much. You were nothing but kind towards him, always suggesting to eat some sweets together, and trying to ask him to take a break from his studies to hang out with you or others;
— When he overhears that your signature spell makes you others to tell you the truth, Riddle is... Intimidated. He is afraid that you will use is against him, and so, he starts ignoring you more often.
”Housewarden acts like an asshole towards you, though.”
Riddle doesn't even need to think twice to recognise a loud voice of Ace Trappola, another troublemaker in his form. He knows that he should just give him a punishment and leave for a lesson, but instead, he hides in the nearest bush, waiting to hear the rest of the conversation.
”Oh, Ace. You are being rude,” you mutter softly, sighing at your classmate. ”Perhaps, a housewarden doesn't like me, but this feeling is not necessarily mutual.”
Riddle raises his brows in surprise. Why, though? He is aware that his attitude is nothing but awful when it comes to you. He doesn't have a proper reason for that, either.
”You should, really,” Ace rolls his eyes. ”Dude has a problem with you liking white. And what else? Being nice?”
That isn't true. He is fine with you liking white—though, he admittedly got frustrated when you asked him on your first day why painting roses red, if they are prettier when they are white—and being nice. He just considers you too naive for this world.
”I think, you are... Misjudging him.”
That is right, Riddle mutters mentally. Tell him, Y/n.
”I think, the reason why housewarden is so... Let's say, annoyed by me, it is because I am everything he grew up hating and being restricted with. And it is harder, when something you should never be interested in, is nice and interesting. I think, housewarden is just confused.”
He feels his cheeks blushing furiously.
What did you say—
”And I think you are just being delusional,” Ace chuckles, patting your shoulder softly. ”Now, please, let's get out of here. I want to find Deuce.”
Riddle listens to the sound of your rushing steps, but he can't care less about it now. All he can do, is to recite your words, again and again.
Does he really think you as a nice and interesting?
Yes.
Does it make him hate you even more?
No, but he wishes it could work this way.
Until now, though, he merely returns to his studies. Maybe, you can be honest with yourself and everyone, but this kind of thing is not for him at all.
Leona Kingscholar. 💛
— Leona didn't notice you at first. Honestly, never planned too, until you started to cling to him in some idiotic attempts to be... What? Friends?;
— You remind him so much of Cheka, but he actually likes his nephew deep inside. And your presence is absolutely insufferable;
— You are too childish and annoying, and all you do is sway your tail as you try to befriend him, while pretending that you actually like him. Leona knows you have ulterior motives. Stop lying to him!
— He finds it stupid how someone so moronic as you managed to pull out such an interesting signature spell. Manipulating dreams of others? How cruel.
”Stop doing that,” Leona hisses, digging in your wrist as you try to touch his hair. ”I am seriously going to kill you, if you keep doing this. Do you hear that?!
A few weeks ago—approximately since you figured out your magic—Leona started saw dreams. Very colourful ones, cheerful even. And each, with the same meaning: he becomes the king, and his family and people adores him.
He hates it.
And he hates you for doing that.
Because, of course, he doesn't need your fucking pity. Your condescension. Your gifts. He doesn't need to be mocked!
”Ah? Leona-sama, what is it?” You blink, confused.
”What is your problem, huh?” He hastily jumps on his legs, towering on you. ”Don't you have anything to do? Go and mind your business, brat!”
Your lostness shifts in sadness. You are not scared of him, you are never are—another proof that you don't take him seriously—but you dare to look at him like that. As a kicked puppy.
”What did I do?”
”Stop sending me these stupid dreams! I don't need your pity, do you hear me?!” He yells, still gripping your wrist tightly. ”Go and dream of your family or something, instead, would you?”
”I... I am sorry,” you mumble, and your eyes dart on the floor.
Leona closes his mouth, when realisation dawns on him. You don't have a family to dream about; you are an orphan. Yours, the previous crown family, were killed by his great predecessors.
He doesn't know why he feels bad, when you picked the fight first.
”I will never bother you again, Leona-sama. I apologise.“ You repeat, and your voice suddenly sounds numb.
That is not the sight of you he, or anyone else, was used to. Not a single emotion on your face. You just snatch your wrist from his hold, before leaving him alone as he asked to.
”You are such a jerk,” Ruggie whistles from behind, appearing almost from nowhere.
”Shut up.”
”You know that they can't send any control dreams, right?” He continues, hands on his hips.
”What?” Leona unwillingly turns head on his vice.
”Dunno, but they only can adjust if it is going to be nightmare or a good dream,” Ruggie yawns. ”They are just a first-year, so... It is your brain that decides where is where for now.”
Fuck.
Leona hisses furiously.
He is so fucked up.
Azul Ashengrotto. 🩵
— Oh, so this is love? He notices you in the crowd of other students, as you flinch from loud voices from dynamics, clearly knowing very little of this world, and he is amused. Someone is clearly more social awkward than he is;
— Azul thinks you don't like him that much, though, because you only wave at him, and when he once tried to speak, you merely nodded and smile all the time without answering him properly;
— It is until twins tell him that you don't have a voice. You were brought to this world completely mute, because of the family curse, and though you hear everything, your only way to communicate with others is writing. Or a sign language;
— But if anything gods blessed you is your magic. Everything you touch turns to gold, and that is actually the main reason why you were kept isolated over years. Azul is over heels for you now...
”I am glad that you took time to accept my invitation, Y/n.”
Azul locks his hands together, looking at you with unhidden excitement. He is always too nervous in your company—luckily, you can't read a room—but today is a special day.
You smile at him, instead of answering.
”The reason why I asked you to came here, it is because I have a deal for you,” he continues carefully, weighing his every word. ”Do you see that?”
He points with his finger at the middle of the table. There is very beautiful necklace with pearls and a little seashell, looking quite normal and mundane. You nod again.
”That is something that could break your curse,” he explains, enjoying the way your eyes widen in the poor shock. ”Yes, yes, you heard me right. With that, you could speak easily.”
Azul can't help but soften as you tear up instantly. There is a whole minute, when he fights an urge to give it to you for free, but... He built his reputation too long to break it so easily.
”But, of course, I will need something from you in return.”
You tilt your head in question.
”I...”
I need you to love me.
”...I need you to use your power for my business when it will be required.”
And with that, Azul quickly shoves another contract to you. You blink a few times, but there is no back thoughts in your head. Quickly, as if afraid that he will change his mind, you took the pen, and leave your signature on all places, where it was needed.
Ah... Angelwish, why are you so naive! It kills him! What if he tried to use you? You didn't even read a contract! You really should be glad that Azul loves you so much.
Before he realises that, you are already putting a necklace on yourself.
One second, two. Three.
You are staring at him.
”Well?” He asks, anxiously.
”A... Azul?”
His heart drops.
Your voice is amazing. And hearing you saying his name is even better than he expected. He blushes.
”Azul... Thank you?”
”S-sure.”
Seems, like it is his turn to be speechless...
Vil Schoenheit. 💜
— He originally had nothing against you... Until other students didn't start to call you the most beautiful person in the world, following you everywhere obsessively, and suggesting you to become the next housewarden;
— Vil now officially hates you. Each time you come to him ends up with short anger impulses that he hardly hides from you, and he wishes you could just disappear;
— He is quite... Cruel with you. He wants you to change your dorm, actually, so he desperately pushes you to the edge by giving you impossible tasks to fullfil, and turning others against you;
— And he thinks your signature spell, speaking and controlling animals is another proof that you should leave Pomefiore for Savanaclaw.
“I don't think you are stupid, un petit entraîneur.”
Vil narrows his eyes, leaning slightly forward from his balcony. The sight of his vice speaking with you—hunter's interest in you was his another concern—annoys him instantly.
”What do you mean, Rook?” There is a big cat in your lap, clearly another of your minions.
”You know that our dear housewarden wants you out of here,” he murmurs, moving closer to you. ”A fair exchange with Savanaclaw, I would say. He doesn't like you here.”
You sigh.
”I figured it out, trust me. He made it very clear by always putting me in dangerous situations and giving me outdated products for skin, making me look like a fool in front of others.”
You don't mention how he makes you clean dark and messy rooms of other students.
”Yet, you are not willing to give up?” Rook touches the strand of your hair curiously.
”You know, I actually liked him a lot,” you admit suddenly, patting the cat behind its ear. ”Vil was the world for me. I was so amazed by him. By how collected he was, how hard he worked. I was excited to become his student... I wished to show him what he is worthy of. That others see his hard work.”
Vil's breath hitches. He remembers you mentioning that you were his fan, but he punished you for this remark; he didn't need to be so violently degraded. But... Was it a truth, then?
”...It is in the past now. I witnessed his true colours, and I will not tolerate it,” your smile twists in something more vicious, a ghostly fondness leaving your pretty face. ”He doesn't need to be scared of me being better anymore. Because I am going to be so much worse.”
He shudders as he hears that, your voice cold, and eyes gleaming dangerously. And as if Rook addresses him, he sighs suddenly, with the strange excitement in his voice:
”Oh, mon doux karma. What had you done?”
Idia Shroud. 💙
— From the minute you open your mouth in his presence , Idia knows he will hate you desperately... It is not serious, though;
— You are unbelievably loud, and too cheerful, and too proud, and you are so self-centred? Also, a fucking bimbo. Idia has no idea why everyone so into you, and what you are even doing in Ignihyde! Go away!
— You annoy him so much, and he actually hates the way you try to befriend him and make him more normie! Stop be like that! You are not welcome!
— Idia is absolutely not impressed that your signature spell is an instant tactics creation. Fuck you, by the way.
“You do know, that doors exist, right?” Idia hisses, not even stopping his game to spare you some attention.
”I do!” You say, climbing through the window with a loud thud.
”Then, why don't you use them, idiot?!”
Idia has no the slightest idea why anyone, let alone you of all people—he means, since you genuinely think that it is healthy to spend all your time outside of the room—would want to become his friend. But here you are. Trying to befriend him for a month already.
”Because you never open the door, Idia-sama,” you shrug easily.
”Take a hint, maybe.”
You close the window behind yourself, taking place behind his chair. Putting elbows on it, you hum thoughtfully, glancing from Idia to the screen of the computer, where the game flashes on. Another few minutes, and familiar yelps fill the room:
”Shit!”
Game over.
”Idia-sama,” you frown, ”maybe, I can help you?”
Idia snickers, rubbing his tired eyes. As if.
”Have you ever played this game, even?”
”No,” you murmur shyly, scratching the back of your neck. ”But I am good at tactics. And it is combat game, correct?”
Idia ponders for a while. That is surprising, because... You are actually absolutely correct. For once.
”Sit down, first year,” Idia exclaims, suddenly excited. ”I am going to teach you how to play this game.”
You smile widely, doing as it was told.
Finally, you cracked the code! And they said you weren't for this dorm...
Malleus Draconia. 💚
— Of course, he missed you as the new student at first, since he forgot to arrive at the orientation day. But it is not that long as he starts hearing others praising you, Lilia especially;
— You are quickly becoming the part of the school life as everyone loves you, and calling you ’the heart of the school’. And while Malleus wants to befriend you, too... He also can't help but feel envious of how easy it is for you. The socialization;
— You are quick to fall asleep everywhere, much like Silver. And since Malleus can't find courage to speak to you, he wanders around, when you are asleep at the strangest places, instead;
— When the first overblot incident happens, your signature spell kicks in. To everyone's horror, it is absolutely terrifying. Your magic is about thorns. Thorns, that wrap around Riddle's weakened body, when he touches you. He almost dies. And the same thing happens with Ace, who accidentally brushes your skin. Now... Everyone shun you away.
”Hello, Malleus-sama,” you mutter, eyes sleepy as you look around. ”I apologise.”
Malleus doesn't quite mind you falling asleep in the class, where his gargoyle's researches are going currently. He is the only member, anyway. But he nods.
”I had never seen you here before,” he notices in a poor attempt of the small talk.
You shrug.
”There is no other students here. And it is better for me not to show up around them.”
What a familiar thinking process... Somehow, he finds it easier: to approach you know, when you are not everyone's favourite anymore.
”I see. You can stay, then. I am not welcomed by them either, so no one is going to enter this classroom.”
You offer him a smile. It is short, strained at the edges, but still sweet. Malleus thinks he understands how you so easily charmed others in the last months; you are much like sunshine, when you are happy. It is a shame you are not, anymore.
”You know, Malleus-sama, I always wanted to become your friend,” you admit suddenly, making him open his eyes in surprise. ”And, I think, you wanted to be mine friend, too.”
You? Why would someone like you want to have him as your friend?
”And why would you think that?”
You fold arms on your chest slowly.
”You are always here, when I am sleeping,” Malleus feels blush touching the tips of his pointy ears. You elaborate. ”I am not sure people realise, but I sleep too much not only because I am lazy, but also because I feel surroundings better like this. I remember everything I hear in my sleep, and I do feel if someone is around.”
Ah. So, that is the secret of yours. And he wondered how you master in all your classes, when you sleep all the time...
”...I see,” Malleus mutters, ashamed. ”I apologise, then.”
He reminiscences of how often he whispered you some nonsense when you slept—childish complaints about how he hates you for being so easily loved by others, random poems that came to his mind as he sat down by your side, stories from his childhood—and feels like disappearing in the shame wouldn't be that bad.
”You know, Malleus-sama, you and I... We are not so different. We both do what we have to do to keep our loved ones to ourselves,” you sit down on the couch beside him slowly. ”But it leads only to one thing.”
Malleus gazes at you curiously as you suddenly curl on his lap, much like a cat. Your eyes met as he helps you to settle more comfortably.
”To destiny?” He asks aloud, tilting his head.
”To pain.”
There is a beat of silence in which your smile suddenly appears to be more bitter, less serene. Malleus doesn't know what happened with you in details, and how awfully these changes in your reputation affected on you, but he can say that it was hard.
”Now, if you don't mind, and I believe, you don't, Malleus-sama, I would like to dream a little bit.” You warn him, already closing your eyes, not really waiting for the answer.
Still, Malleus nods. Though that is not something you can see.
”Sleep, then... Beastie,” he sighs, patting your hair gently.
You snicker, before your breath slows down, alarming that you completely drifted off.
Malleus stares at you openly now.
Ah, who would've thought? He had finally made a friend.
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Part two with Leona & Vil is here.
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