#it makes it hard to talk to her when theres an actual problem bc i try to communicate and she just takes it as a personal attack
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yooooo!!! you’re my favorite ethan winters artist i just wanna say that first and foremost, thank you for the wholesome content of my comfort character and father figure 🥹🫶
i’m really curious bc i feel like i see a lot of people against mithan (not me personally, i’m p neutral on them!) but i’m curious to know all your thoughts on them! thoughts on their canon relationship, their fanon portrayal, the backlash against them/mia accusations, and your headcanons? i’m just really interested!!! hopefully that’s not weird :”)
have a good day!! sparkle on!!! ✨💖
i heart mithan... i think that they can be so cute...
i personally hc them t4t and i like to think that the dated in highschool before they both had fully transitioned
mia likes to bake and ethan likes to scrap book and he always likes to take pictures of mias cakes/ baked goods and has a album for them 😭
i am a multishipper so i draw a lot of ethan ships so my girl is left out sometimes and im sorry mia 😔
i actually really like their relationship, its a really complex dynamic that i like to talk about with my friends
i think the issue is that when talking about mithan or mia in general, theres just SO MUCH misinformation that its honestly a pain the butt to talk about
people still think that she was responsible for the creation of eveline, people still think that she experimented on eveline, people still use examples of her attacking ethan as if she did it on her own will instead of being mind controlled
in reality she was just someone who oversaw the transportation of evie. im not excusing her or anything because obviously she knew what she was doing, but people really try to accuse her of doing something she didnt and it bothers me alot lol
the problem with the fandom is that people either try to water her down to girlboss who did nothing wrong and fail to acknowledge the complexity/ moral grayness of her character and the other side is misogynists 😭😭😭😭
its hard to talk about her without people either going "stop trying to villainize her and make her look bad!" or people ACTUALLY villainizing her and acting like heisenberg would have treated him better 😭😭
mithan is such a sad relationship because they loved each other so much and that ended up being the reason their relationship fell apart (sort of... its not like the broke up... ethan kinda just straight up died)
i get a lot a trouble for saying this, but mia is a selfish person.
its not a bad thing! well i mean it is but it doesnt make her some evil witch who is somehow worse than the guy how made a werewolf american ninja warrior. its just a major character flaw she has! which is good! mia being a flawed person who makes mistakes and morally gray decisions make her a more interesting person!
she is selfish in the way that she wants to keep her family with her no matter the cost. even if it means lying to ethan about her job so that he wont think different of her. here is a interrogation from the re7 DLC, which is easy to miss!
she isnt necessarily trying to apologize for the things she has done, she is more of a, "u wont need to forgive me in the first place if we just forget it all and move on"
she doesn't try to redeem herself for what she has done, she tries to move on and return to the normal life that she wants so bad. which is fine! everyone copes a different way and she has to right to move on from her trauma. the problem that lies in this is that she has a shared trauma with ethan who still has no idea what went on in dulvey and still effects him till the present (he is mold! this is a important thing to know! most people would want to know if they were a walking corpse)
she played a direct part in what happened in dulvey, and im not referring to the email, she did not send that. she never wanted ethan to come in the first place. she tried her best to send a video to him, begging him to forget about her because she wanted to protect him, BUT it didnt send.
he got involved because she was involved. its honestly a series of really really unfortunate events.
THOUGH! she did know what she was getting into. im tired of seeing the narrative that mia was innocent and didnt know what was going on or was simply a bystander. she knew what she was doing, she knew eveline was a bioweapon, she knew eveline was a child. she used a MACHINE GUN! she knows how to use weapons and was obviously trained for it.
she tried her best to keep everybody out of the mess, ex: warning the bakers not to take them in, warning ethan not to find her, sacrificing herself for ethan in the later half of re7
but again, those are the consequences of HER actions
her consequences just happen to get really big and end up hitting ethan on the head like a metal sheet 😭
their relationship is really so interesting, it makes me really sad to think about sometimes 😭they both went through something that nobody else would ever understand, in the end they really only have each other. they get moved to an entire different country and the dulvey incident gets covered up with a "gas leak"
its really tragic because their marriage definitely had some flaws and bumps. and i know im repeating myself but its because people always take this in the worst way possible but just because i say their relationship was rocky doesnt mean im saying they dont love each other!!! thats the entire basis of mias character!! saying she doesnt love ethan would destroy her entire character!
you can see in the re8 DLC how fondly ethan talks about mia! he loves her so much, though im not sure if his comments in the DLC are him narrating current (post re8) or his thoughts before everything went down and he died (pre re8)
everything mia did was because she LOVED ethan. she would never do anything to intentionally hurt him, she is not a cruel person. she hides the truth of her job from ethan pre re7 because she loves him and doesnt want her job to drive them apart. she CONTINUES to refuse to tell ethan the truth post re7 because she wants to move on a live a happy normal life with him and knows something like her being directly associated with the connections would probably cause (more) problems. she refuses to tell ethan that he is mold because again, hard to live a happy marriage with your husband after you tell him hes a bioweapon.
obviously i dont think it was right that she did this, thats what makes her selfish! she did it for herself! she did it for her family! she thought it would work out, she thought that they could move on and be happy together.
the issue is that ethan didnt want to forget. he wanted to know what happened, he wanted to know the part mia played, he wanted answers! which is reasonable! he knows to some extent that mia was partially responsible for his involvement and he was always suspcious that mia was lying to him about her job which is implied when mia says "you were right, i did lie to you"
she doesnt learn, she doesnt stop lying, her lies get bigger and worse and it sucks yeah but it makes her so interesting!!! she keeps doing stupid things under the idea that this is whats best for her and her family, that if she hides this everything will work out and it will be for the better but its not!
just because telling your husband hes dead and a bioweapon is a hard subject to bring up doesnt mean you DONT bring it up. people shouldnt use that as a reason to excuse mia 😭, its a very bad excuse and honestly highlights how horrible their communication skills were. you cant just not tell your husband that he is actually infected with the mold and not tell him for the tree years between post re7 and pre re8.
im not saying these things to put mia down, or try and villanize her. these are all just actual things her character does! she isnt evil, but she isnt a knight in shining armor either. we need to be able to have talks about complex characters without crying everytime someone points out a flaw. characters have flaws! and mia just happens to have a lot of them!
im not mad at her, i dont dislike her because i think this way of her. shes a fictional character! you can like characters that are morally gray, or villains that drink blood and make corpse soldiers. they are fictional! pointing out the flaws of a character does not mean i dont like them.
i wouldnt call her "the real villain of re8" but i wouldnt treat her like a damsel in distress either. she is a competent person, she knows what shes doing, she has her reasons for doing them. she made bad descions with good intentions behind them! they can coexist and we should let them!
i like mithan! its a complex relationship because they both love each other so much but hurt each other in the process
talking about them is just a pain in the butt because talking about mia is a pain in the butt lol
i really hate how she keeps getting sidelined, its super frustrating to see mia get put in a cage in every game 😭
its even more frustrating that mia straight up just disappears???? in the shadows of rose DLC... like she just stops taking care of rose and theres nothing said about it. no reason or explanation. i dont think mia would ever ditch rosemary because she didnt care about her, but we probably will never know because capcom sucks at writing and they probably forgot the mia ever even existed.
all in all, i think the fandom is really just full of misinformation which make people either think mia is some horrible evil person, or its full of people who think that saying mia messed up is the equivalent of comparing her to wesker lol.
i really love mia, shes a incredibly fun and complex character, its just hard to enjoy her sometimes with the people in the fandom haha.
also ive got no idea what u meant by "the backlash against them/mia accusations" so sorry if i didnt answer that!
thank u for the ask! sorry for the long response!
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The fanbase is scaring me, the redesigns brought up some weird people that are REALLY passionate about Liliana being half naked
Like theres a whole war going on on twitter rn and the poor character designer got harassed
My problem is with the amount of people upset with this, like i knew we had a bunch of pedos around because of the way tappei writes the girls, but damn i didnt think there were this many of them 💀
yes ive heard about that....... im answering your ask late oops haah but i hope the situations a Bit better..... the toxic parts of this fandom give me a headache but my usual motto is to stay off twitter, touch grass, ignore people, and then hold onto my own viewpoints unless proven wrong alsjdflsdj but like. yeah this fandom is a bit tough to stay in when it comes to certain circles (for example the amount of people low quality shitposting / ranting about the fandom or whatever on rezero ao3 atm in the past days/weeks is. mm. interesting). not my first time being in larger fandoms that make you sometimes feel like youre fighting in the trenches (you could name off a few big fandoms notorious for being toxic that date back to like 2016 and odds are ive been in a couple lajdlf) but yeah seeing people complain about liliana and capella's designs and then overly fixate on emilia's boobs when these three characters have more to bring to the table than just that and theres lots and lots of good things to say about the s3 trailer and their designs..... mm. yeah. im squinting hard at a few of the things ive heard on that. but anyway!!
like the new designs are an Improvement. In General. like ok, as a boob haver myself ("boob haver" is the funniest phrase to me alsdjfls but it is true nonetheless, i am one) i do not give a shit about emilias larger boobs like ok?? her boobs are bigger?? she is still my fav ever and sometimes it just happens when youre still a growing teen/young adult and emilias back to her more revealing main outfit when she wore a different outfit in s2 so the difference in chest size is really not that much. but liliana and capella? those are Improved designs. i think ive talked abt the treatment of underage characters / characters who appear underage on my blog before (and i definitely couldve worded myself better then but i stand behind the fact that some of the stuff otsuka and tappei do regarding this in rezero is just Unnecessary).
could designs like emilia's still be improved on in other ways? yeah 100%, just in the sense that there could probably be changed a bit to fit her slightly more timid and soft spoken personality. or you could take different directions on it in general if you wanted. ive seen some great redesigns of her main outfit!! though her main outfit in of itself is pretty nice to look at imo and its iconic and well-known for a reason. im of the personal opinion that i wish it was a little less revealing in the same vein that her s2 main outfit was (i like that outfit a lot!!) but its still a really solid design overall.
i had some faith after seeing the anime designers fix up typhoon's original design to be More Appropriate, and i love how the essence of liliana and capella's designs were kept the same. like its not just that theyre a little less revealing (and even then, theyre both still showing a lot of skin!!! which is good!!! i like the improvement while keeping the main stuff the same), but stuff like liliana's pants aren't transparent (probably to make it easier to animate?) and the yellow/orange gradient in capella's hair looks great!! they also both look more like grown women which is a bonus. unless youre Weird about this shit which is unfortunately a small percentage of the rezero community. like you cant win with those sort of people ig, bc capella's boobs are bigger too ljasdlfj youd think that win more people over.
also i appreciate capella's sports bra bc unlike elsa's outfit it Actually looks like it's supporting her chest. if youre someone with boobs and you dont have a flat chest, youre gonna need support when being active or itll Hurt. and elsa Does Not have proper chest support okay. ill forever wince remembering elsa's design in that sense HAH....
anyway but i digress. i got no clue what to do with toxic people in fandoms despite spending a lot of time lurking in large fandoms with loud toxic people haah.... its hard to do much about it especially with increasingly declining media literacy rates everywhere.... the notorious misogyny/homophobia/etc that can happen sometimes in anime communities.... that sort of thing. i kinda just avoid it when it comes to rezero in specific, or briefly talk about it on here, or rant about it to myself in my head or chat with pals about it in private if it really frustrates me that much!! and id say im a pretty patient person hah... im not frustrated often. and the fandom is not all weird people of course and i can attest to that as ive chatted with a lot of people here... ive also seen a lot of people leave due to the fandom's Issues which is. totally fair tbh.
and i think rezero is often a "baby's first fandom" so to speak... i dont mean that in a bad way of course but its more like its the first exposure to fandom and fandom etiquette and fic etiquette and that sort of thing when it comes to english circles. or at least its a pattern ive noticed, so my theory is that that occasionally that combines with toxic fans and then you get a few people complaining about the community and how bad our fics are on rezero ao3 ig lajdlfjsdlf. which is false by the way :<< and an annoying misuse of ao3 as a free creative archive :<<
but ultimately i hope the rezero character designer's alright (and honestly theyve done super super great work - like the anime Did Not need to give emilia a bajillion outfits and go above and beyond with improving liliana, capella, giving the suwens and their hometown a whole unique aesthetic, etc). and also while i have stuff to criticize with otsuka and tappei... and the toxic parts of the fandom hah... i still enjoy rezero apart from that and the uproar with the designs has not chipped away at me too much!! ive been in this fandom long enough i guess lmao i just roll with punches at this point T^T but i also just try to look on the bright side a lot in general so ;-;;;
these are the sorts of things i like to be aware about but i dont like to get myself super involved with it (since itll probably make it worse and/or make me stressed for no good reason lmfaoo) and i wont let it enjoy the parts of rezero that i do enjoy a lot (which is to say like. the other 98% of rezero hah). so. getting off twitter is the biggest godsend i promise lajdlsfj.
but anyway!! yeah i dont have much organized thoughts on all of this, this is just me rambling my feelings on it. hope this all makes sense anon <3
#idk how things are on the eastern side of the fandom but the western side can be a little. wild yes.#ask#i try to be as fair as possible in my opinions ljasldfjd but yeah like. people complaining about the designs. i dont agree with it for a Lo#t of reasons. and on a lighter note#honestly my only thing with capellas anime design is that her eyes arent more red!! :<< but her pink eyes look very nice too though <3#i hope to see like a red-pink gradient on them maybe... thatd be cool...
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Another anon here and regarding straights enjoying queer fiction, there's a perspective I think is worth sharing (for the record, I'm not straight).
So there's a huge fanbase consisting of straight cis women who enjoy mlm content. It's a thing to the point where there's gay shows made specifically targeting this fanbase.
I got to talk to one of my friends who dabbled in this stuff. I asked her why? What's the draw? She pointed out sth I thought was pretty interesting.
She said that for straight girls it can be pretty hard to enjoy straight pairings because they will always experience the story through the eyes of the female character, who is also limited by societal rules or even gender roles. By watching/reading a mlm, there's no female perspective, which takes away all the irl problems.
For example, take the "if guys get sex it's a flex, if girls get sex it's a shame" bullshit. By watching mlm instead of mlw and watching through one or both male characters, they can escape the whole stigma altogether.
To take a step further, since there's an inherent safety/advantage in being a guy in many situations. They can sort of experience that freedom through taking the female character out of the equation. It's sort of like getting gender euphoria but instead it's gender role freedom euphoria???
Theres also the male gaze problem. The majority of straight shoes have gender roles to varying degrees, which skewers the power dynamic within the pairing. This makes it hard for straight girls to enjoy pairings bc they will always be put into a position where they notice inequalities toward them. So again escape.
Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, I agree that this topic is pretty complex.
It is! It's very complex. But just to kind of comment on some of your points - a lot(not all) of the straight women who consume mlm media tend to consume it to the exclusion of everything else.
I could possibly understand the points your friend made better if they also consumed things like mlw media and fics written by women, or wlw fics/media at all. But they generally don't, especially not the latter. Often times a lot of straight women mass-consumers of mlm fic and commercial media, in my experience at least, tend to treat wlw content with disgust, ridicule, or flat out indifference. Perhaps not to the same vitriolic degree straight men tend to treat mlm content compared to wlw content, but it's still there. So that kind of... makes me question if they're actually being entirely honest with themselves as to why they're consuming the specific content that they do.
I'm just saying, straight women can be just as guilty as straight men when it comes to how and why they approach the specific queer media that they do, especially when it's to the exclusion of other kinds of queer pairings.
Because I pose this: if it really all falls down to power dynamics and releasing themselves from the male gaze, then why focus exclusively on a gendered pairing that just erases the woman entirely? Why a pairing that focuses solely on a basic personal sexual preference? Makes women irrelevant to existence? Why not gravitate toward more straight women writers who thwart or rewrite a lot of those societal gender inequities that effect women within their work? Why not give respect or audience to wlw content that makes the male gaze and male/female power dynamics irrelevant as well?
See what I'm saying?
That being said, it's still not my job to police that consumption for all the same reasons I said in that last post. And to reiterate, I'm not saying your friend is wrong for feeling how she feels or that she's making it up. I don't think that at all! People have a lot of complex feelings, which is why this topic is inherently complex. I just think two things can be true at the same time, even when we may not realize those biases about ourselves
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Ese Error Es Cosa De Ayer
Jake Lockley X Reader
Masterlist
Summary: After getting your heart broken at a wedding and being left stranded, Jake comes to your rescue.
A/N. So this story is basically what happened to me this weekend. I was just left sobbing outside the hotel, scared and hurt, and the only thing keeping me together was thinking of Jake helping me. So yeah, there's a lot of useless backstory and this incredibly self-indulgent but this event hurt me really, really badly and I needed to write this to comfort myself. So if you hate it, I'm sorry but not sorry. This was for me. I needed to pretend that somewhere, there was a guy who thinks I'm pretty, who thinks I'm kind and would actually respect me enough not to abandon me alone. Shit hurt me really bad and it was scary. No Jake Lockley came for me, but my friend did <3
Anyway, the title is from a Selena song that will be in this fic. Reader speaks some Spanish bc I am learning via doulingo and spainish language music and just from the friends I grew up around so I incorporated some. Translations aren't exact due to the way translation works but I tried my best.
WARNINGS: Broken heart, men being shitty, a lil bit smutty at the end?
IF YOU WANT A PART TWO WITH FULL SMUT, COMMENT AND REBLOG!!! Reblogs are super super important in tumblr world, theres no algorithim like on tik tok. Thank you! I feel way better after writing this
PART 2 IS UP
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You felt like a fucking idiot. Again.
After all these years, no matter how much you had moved on and no matter how little you thought about him and despite having no romantic feelings towards him today, he still managed to hurt you.
Again!
It had been 3 fucking years since you had any contact with him whatsoever, but when you got the wedding invite for two of your old friends, you immidetly knew you’d see him. His name was David, and he was beautiful. He had these big blue puppy dog eyes and a bright smile that, when focused on you, made you feel like you were the center of the universe. You know the type. You all worked together in college and you quickly caught feelings, before you realized he had a girlfriend. Well, you’re not a homewrecker, so you minded your business. The problem is, you and David had already become friends, and you had become friends with a group of people at the resteraunt. So, you spent many nights with them at bars and watching movies and going to summer events, falling in love despite yourself.
You met David’s girlfriend, Sadie pretty quickly, and you liked her, that’s what really complicated things. Well, that and the fact David and his girlfriend, were miserable. That wasn't you projecting, everyone knew it. You liked both of them individually, but together they were horrible. Both of them would confide issues in you, making things painfully hard when you realized you loved him. And oh, was there so much to love. He was the picture of selfless kindness. But by the end of the year, you felt like boundaries had been crossed. You no longer felt comfortable with trying to fix their relationship, you felt like you were holding it together.
After one particulary drunk night right before you graduated college, you cried in a barn with another friend about him again, you decided it was time. So you graduated, and left the state. You and Sadie shared facebook comments here and there, but David was no contact. Things ended on a good note. You said goodbye to him one night out at the bars and danced the night away with Sadie. Clean cut. You moved on. You were excited to see them again. They were engaged now. You hoped they worked out their issues, but really it probably had something to do with them having a kid. Oh well, that’s their business.
So why, pray tell, were you crying on the crub of a hotel at midnight?
He had ignored you almost all night. Any attempt to talk to him was cut before you could open your mouth. He always seemed to go somewhere else. Groomsmen duties and whatnot. He had other people to talk to. When you saw him standing up there on the altar with his friend, you were delighted and relieved to realize that, although he was as beautiful as the day you left, you felt nothing but the warmth of nostalgia. But when you realized he was ignoring you, when you realized he wouldn’t meet your eye, you were desparate. You needed something, you needed him to ackowlege you somehow. There were brief moments when, after hours of vying for his attention, he gave you a crumb. You felt like a teenager, following her crush like a puppy.
One of those little crumbs is what led you here.
The night wasn’t too cold, thank god. A nice September evening to be married on. You were in a rust-red dress that showed off your breasts in a classy-but-sexy way and appropriately formal for a hotel reception. There was a chill, but you had a thin shawl wrapped around your shoulders. And thankfully, you had opted to wear boots. Boots with insoles because despite being young, your feet were shit. This would come in handy, because somehow you had to get to your hotel with no access to your money and your car parked at none other than David’s. He fucked you over, leaving you in this position, crying off your make up.
You had your knees pulled in, your arms crossed on the top and head buried in the arms, sobbing. Bawling was probably a better word. You felt like a fucking idiot for letting him hurt you again.
You heard a car approach and you tuck your toes in further just to be safe. You heard the window roll down. Great. You thought. Someone to witness my humiliation.
“You alright, Muñeca?”
You look up. It was the oddly handsome limo driver for the wedding. You had chatted with him at a few points during the night. After he drove the wedding party to the hotel, they invited him in for the food and drinks. His name was… Jake? Yeah, Jake. You teased him for drinking on the job (although you think he had maybe one at most), and although he took the gentle ribbing, he also explained that he was technically off the clock. Since it was his own limo business, he’s repaying the bride and groom for their hospitality by driving them to their hotel at the end of the night which was… 45 minuets ago? What was he doing here?
“Cariño, are you okay?” He repeated when you didn’t answer him.
You were exhausted. The dancing and drinking and crying took it all out of you.
He frowns, stepping out of the limo and taking of his jacket, he wraps it around your shoulders. You didn’t realize your teeth had been chattering. It feels good on your arms.
You barely manage a thank you.
Jake is slightly bent over, scanning you as you dodge his eyes “Did someone hurt you?” He asks softly, but firm.
You shake your head. “No. Not like that.”
This did was not encouraging. Jake had come back to the venue to grab his flat cap he had left on a table when he saw a girl crying on the street. Never a good sign. When he pulled up closer, even before he saw your face, he realized it was you; the pretty girl who had given him a cookie. This was the nicest wedding party he had ever served. He had never been invited in for the reception before, and everyone was encouraging him to the dance floor. But you, you had brought him a cookie. Why that had stood out to him, he didn’t know. You had talked to him a few times during the night, and had even pulled him to dance the Cotton Eye Joe. He didn’t do the dance (line dancing wasn’t his thing) but he marveled at you as you lead the crowd. You knew the dance and taught everyone the moves, guiding the direction and flow. You had a broad smile on your face the whole time, eyes wide and he just watched, soaking in your lust for life, curly hair flopping around wildly with every move.
Now here you were, crying. He was willing to bet it had something to do that that guy you were following around like a lost puppy all night. He had watched you as you watched him. The man hadn’t heard you when you called ‘Are you going to talk to me at all tonight?’ but Jake did. He didn’t understand why he was ignoring such a pretty, fun loving girl, but when he saw him with another girl, he connected the dots. Jake was willing to bet he could take your mind off him, even if he wasn’t 6’4, but when a slow song came on, the last song, you were gone. The song ended before he could ask you to dance. He partially wished he hadn’t offered the couple a free ride, but the happy young couple was as deserving of a treat as anyone, so he took them home. Jake resigned himself that you had left and he lost his opportunity. Now, seeing you sobbing on the curb, sealing a dance might have been the furthest thing on his mind. When you briefly glanced up at him when he rolled down the window, your eye makeup was all over your face. Not just falling down a stream of tears like in movies, but all over your nose and forehead and temple… and arms and hands. You had been hurt badly. When you didn’t answer him, he stepped out of his limo, trying to see if you had been hurt. In the dark, it was hard to see if you had any bruises, seeing as your make up was everywhere.
“Did someone hit you?”
You shook your head, looking at the ground.
“Did someone touch you?”
You shook your head again.
“Then what happened? A quien tengo que lastimar?”
A 3rd head shake. “You don’t have to hurt anyone. I was an idiot, that's all.”
“You speak spanish?” He had said that part mostly for himself.
You shrug, the sequins in your shawl shimmer in the street light. “I took Spanish in college and I listen to Spanish language music so it kind stuck… comes in handy at work…”
A pause. “Why are you crying?”
“I told you, I was stupid.”
You said it with such conviction that Jake felt bad for you. “Is it that boy.”
You groan and throw your head on your arms again, crying.
“Hey now, hey… merida!” Jake panicked. He could handle comforting, he was not good with crying women, unless there was someone nearby that he could punch.
“I must’ve looked really pathetic if you even noticed.”
Does he put his hand on your shoulder? Your hand? Pat your back?? “What happened? I saw he… well he was ignoring you…” He wanted to say I’m sure no one else noticed, I was just watching you intently because you might be the prettiest thing I’ve seen in years. But he didn’t think this would help.
You continue to not look at him. He was so fretfully beautiful, you were sure you couldn’t take it if you saw him in the state you were in. “Yeah. We used to… it’s complicated. But now he’s acting like we were never even friends…”
“Muñeca, I promise you, a man whose attention you have to fight for isn’t a man you want…”
Finally, fucking finally, she looked at Jake, her pretty eyes meeting his. There was the faintest smile quipping on one side of her mouth. It was small, but it reached her eyes. Good, the light was still there. “Thanks mom.” There it was, there was the gentle teasing she had given him sporadically throughout the night when she wasn’t chasing the boy. “But that’s not why I’m crying. Well, that's part of it I guess, but if that was it, I could’ve just waited until I got in my hotel room.”
Jake’s frown deepened. “Then what happened.”
Jake saw your lip quiver. “He left me.” Your voice cracked, a few fresh tears welled up in your eyes, spilling over and onto your dress. Jake looked at you quizzically, urging you on. “His fiance, she got in a fight with a bridesmaid and was leaving. She started walking so I just let her take my car so she’d get home safe, and Davy was supposed to take me home at the end of the night so I could get my car. And he just fucking left and I can’t get ahold of them and I’m stranded here, and I can’t get a lyft because my card is frozen-” Your voice is breaking and there are small choked sobs peaking through the words. “-because the bank seems to think the card was stolen, and I’m stuck here in a city I don’t know!” You break down again. “He couldn’t even look at me all night and then he just fucking leaves me alone here! Like I’m fucking nothing to him!” Your head is in your hands, body wracking in sobs once more.
Jake takes a leap and softly pulls you into a side hug, careful to only touch enough for comfort and not make you nervous. “Pendejo” Jake mutters to himself. He allows you to cry it out again, but as you calm down he starts speaking “That’s a dick move on his part, Cariño. He was going to let his fiancé walk home alone, you were very kind and let her take your car and he leaves you alone here? In a city, I’m guessing you don’t live in?” You shake your head. “Yeah, el hijo de perra es en nino, no un hombre. It’s dangerous out here alone. That’s childish behavior on his part. But-” Jake stands up, extending a hand to you. You take it, feeling the leather as he pulls you up “Don’t worry about getting there, I’ll take you.” He smiled softly. (The son of a bitch is a boy, not a man)
“Jake, you don’t have to-” You start to protest. As shitty as you felt getting left, you also felt awkward with charity.
He held up a finger to stop you. “If you feel uncomfortable getting in a limo with me, you can text the bride or groom where you’ll be, or tell a worker at the venue or a friend. But I’m not leaving you out here.” He looked at you intently “I’m not him.”
You consider this. You hadn’t even thought that you should be nervous alone with a strange man. You trusted him inexplicably. “No estoy seguro… I don’t know if he’s going to answer the door. They aren’t answering my texts.” (I'm not sure...)
“We’ll figure it out, it’ll be okay.” He looked at you, pleading with you to take him up on it.
“Okay...”
You gave a small smile, and he returned it with a grin. “Perfecto, but first…” He leaned into his limo to grab a few things. You couldn’t help yourself, the way his butt looked in those pants… oh shit he saw you looking. Is that a smirk? Fuck, he’s cute. “Here.” He handed you a few tissues and a small trash bag after you blew your nose. Then he pulled a makeup wipe.
“Why do you have a makeup remover?” You teased. “Pulling a Billy Joel Armstrong with the eyeliner?” Honestly, you’d like too see that…
He chuckled “No, I just have a lot of women in my limo, I like to come prepared. Happy brides and heartbroken teenage girls at prom make good use of it.”
“That’s nice of you.”
Jake shrugged “It’s good business” but you had a feeling it was more than that. “Tilt your head up a bit for me.”
“I can-”
“Up.”
You obeyed. Jake took his gloves off and gently held your face as he cleaned off your face of all the black and brown of your eye make up. As he carefully turned your face in the streetlamp light, you studied his features. He really was handsome, sharp jaw, beautiful eyes and plush lips, oh his lips…. You could imagine how they’d taste… He took a tissue and ever so slightly dabbed it on the wet wipe, then went under your eye. He saw you looking confused “I didn’t want to accidentally get the chemicals in your eye.” He tilted your face by your chin as he finished cleaning you up. “Bella…” he muttered. Shit, was that outloud? Lastly, he took your arms and wiped them down, clean of the makeup you rubbed off onto them. (beautiful)
He threw the items away and held your face in his hands, so close you thought he was going to kiss you. Oh god, you wanted him to kiss you. And Christ, he wanted to kiss you too. So, so bad. But he had a job to do. Generally, when he came to women's rescue, the circumstances were more dramatic and the men a whole lot worse. But you didn’t deserve this. You were a sweet girl, kind. You were only in this position because you let his fiance take your car! And this is how he repays you?
He almost moved in, but stopped himself “Listen to me, Muñeca.” And you were, oh boy you were listening. You hung onto every word. “Never let them see you cry.”
He swiped his thumb over your cheek, so close to your lips, but not quite. You nod. He takes you around the side and opens the door. You get in and he knees down, gathering the train of your skirt from the ground and safely into the car. He glances up at you, you are nearly in tears again. “What’s wrong?” he asked, panicked.
“Nothing. You’re just… very sweet, is all.”
He stands up and leans into the car, once again holding your cheek “It’s what you deserve” And he kissed the top of your head. You felt like you could explode. Jake looked at you, briefly frantic thinking he crossed a line. You were beaming up at him. He smiled back and returned to his seat. “You said you like Spanish language music? You like Selena?”
You scoff “Me guesta Selena Quintanilla Perez?!” (Do I like Selena Quintanilla Perez?!)
Jake chuckled “Stupid quesion, I get it. Here, I think this one is relevant.” He put on Si Una Vez
“Si una vez dije que ti amaba
Y que por ti la vida daba
Si una vez dije que ti amaba
No lo vuelvo a hacer
Ese error es cosa de ayer
(If I once said that I loved you
And that for you I'd give my life
If I once said that I loved you
I won't do it again
That mistake is something of yesterday)
You gave him the address and listened to Selena in silence. When you pulled up to the house, you see your car. “Ahí está. With all the stickers.” You turn over and see him shaking his head and you feel anxious. “What? You think the stickers are silly?” (there it is.)
Jake turns to you, confused. “What?! No, why would I-” he shakes his head again, why would he judge you on tonight of all nights? “They are cute, Muneca.”
“Then why are you shaking your head?”
“He walked past your car and just… did nothing. He knew damn well what he was doing.” You heard the creak of the leather as he gripped the steering wheel. “He should be waiting outside for you.”
“It’s okay. I’ll go knock, see if he answers.” You go to open the door, but you feel Jake’s hand on yours, urging you to turn to him.
He’s looking at you, compelling you with his beautiful, large brown eyes “Remember. No dejes que te vea llorar, Princesa.” (Don’t let him see you cry, princess)
“Okay.” You whisper, too busy looking at him.
You go to the door and knock. And knock. And knock. 5 minutes go by. Nothing fucking asshole. You feel the tears come, but you remember Jake’s words. Don't let him see you cry. You take a deep breath and go to knock again. Before you can, Jake is beside you, banging on the door “HEY ASSHOLE!” He shouts.
“Jake” You grab his arm. “The neighbors”
He turns to you bewildered. How do you still care about the neighbors after everything that happened? He continues banging, but doesn’t yell. He notices your arm is still wrapped around his.
Another 5 minutes go by and nothing. His knuckles hurt.
“Jake, it’s fine. I’ll deal with it in the morning. I have my room key, it’s okay."
When he turns to you to protest, but you look so weary, he can tell you want to go to bed. “Okay Carino, I can take you home.”
Guilt wells up in your stomach again. He’s been so, so nice. He’s been a gentleman and more, you didn’t want to keep him any more. “Esta bien, I’ll just walk, my hotel isn’t far.” (it’s fine)
He looked at you like you were a crazy person. “Are you insane? I’m not- god. I’m not leaving you.” It was 1 am.
“It’s really fine, it’s super close.”
He studied your face. You were a good liar and you hoped it worked. “See, that’s odd, because this is a residential area, and the nearest hotel is 2 miles at least. Don’t lie to a driver about my city, Carino.”
You sigh, and let him lead you to the car, once again opening it for you and helping you inside before getting back in his seat. “Which hotel?” he asks.
You hesitate, looking away, but you feel his eyes burrowing into you as he starts the car and begins driving. Eventually you answer, “The Hilton on 33rd and Maple.” You practically mutter, knowing you were caught.
“Jesus! That’s ten miles from here! You were just going to walk?” To his horror, you break down into sobs. “Mérida, lo siento Querida, No quise gritar” (Shit, I’m sorry dear, I didn't mean to yell)
You shake your head. “No es por eso que” (that’s not it)
“¿Por qué lloras?” (Why are you crying?)
“I feel like a fucking idiot!” You shout, looking out the passenger window and turning away from him. Jake didn’t speak, allowing you to keep going. “When I saw him today, I was happy because I didn’t feel anything for him, ya no lo amo… But when I tried to say hi, because we were friends, he just gave me nothing and that just… I don’t know. I just wanted him to look at me and talk to me like we used to, I wasn’t trying to steal him!… I don’t know…” (I don’t love him anymore)
“You were friends, years ago, si?”
“Si.”
“You wanted to talk to an old friend. You wanted him to treat you like a person.”
You flop your head back on the seat. “I didn’t think he could hurt me again. I didn’t think he was capable of hurting me, not like this. He was never like this.” You finally turn to Jake, his face beautiful in the moonlight. “The first time I went out with him, I got super drunk, he wouldn’t let me take an Uber home because he was worried what would happen if I passed out… He drove and made sure I got home safe... 3 years latter this happens. I don't what changed about me, I don’t know what I did to-”
“Stop, please… don’t do that.” He glanced over to you briefly. You were still the most beautiful thing he’d seen in a long time, even so sad. “I don’t understand how you look like that and he managed to ignore you, but I promise you, there were a dozen other guys who couldn’t keep their eyes off of you all night.”
You look to the floor, smiling but unable to take a compliment. “Thank you.”
“Carino?” He called and you look up at him again, he’s as sharp and stunning as ever. “I was one of them.” The sincerity in his voice, the longing in his eyes… you knew he was serious.
You smile brightly at him, your previous heartbreak long forgotten. “I’m sorry I didn’t… I was a little preoccupied, but I think you are kinda… stunning.” You blush, trying not to look away. His eyes were still on the road, but he looked at you every chance he got.
“You are… so beautiful. He should count himself lucky you ever looked his way” he pulled into the hotel parking lot and came around to open the door for you. This time, when he took your hand to help you out of the car, he didn’t let go. Taking your other hand in his, he leaned closer. “I was going to ask you to dance at the end.”
Your heart was beating wildly out of your chest, you wanted to come up with a clever quip or a tease… but you couldn’t. “And what… What would you do when the song ended.” Not your smoothest moment, but it worked.
He smiled fondly at you, happy for an easy transition. “This.” Jake cupped your face in his hands, holding you still as he moved in, your mouth opening to him. This kiss was immediately far from chaste, it was deep and needy, his tongue slippin into your mouth and your hands wrapped around his firm back. He pushed you on the limo, gently guiding your back down onto the hood where he came onto you, his thigh sliding between your knees. His hands found yours sides and caressed your body, mindful of remaining respectful but god, he had to feel you. “You are so fucking gorgous, so damn beautiful. Soy muy afortunadode tocarte (I am so lucky to touch you)
You wanted him, you wanted him so fucking bad, you could feel yourself getting wet from the subtle friction of his thick thigh ever so slightly touching between your legs. When his mouth moved to your neck, you took the opportunity to use our mouth to plant small kisses along his jaw and cheek as you worked up your courage.
“Jake?”
He mumbled and small hm? As he worked further down your neckline.
“Do you want to come upstairs?” you ask, feeling the muscles on his back.
“Oh, Carino,” His hand slid up your dress and his thumb grazed over your nipple, teasing you. “I would like nothing more in this world than to show you all the attention your body deserves."
THANKS FOR READING! Come check out my other fics, including more Moon Knight fics on my masterlist
You can support my work at Buy Me a Coffee or $romanarose
#protective jake lockley#jake lockely#jake lockley x reader#moon knight fanfiction#jake lockley fanfiction#jake lockley fluff#jake lockely fluff#jake lockely x reader#moon knight fluff#moon knight#marvel#jake lockley spainish speaking#si una vez
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CASSIDY MICHAEL AND ROXY!!!!!
YAAYYY
sorry for answering like two weeks late btw 💀💀💀💀 ignore rhattt
(i wanted 2 do all three but like theres practically no canon information about cassidy.. this shit a travesty forreal. like what do we even know about her besides some logbook and ucn stuff. Sighh............ so just mikey n roxy i GUESS)
michaelllll
favorite thing about them: either the way he just watches that little vampire soap opera every night (So silly) or the fact he can draw. his little drawings in the logbook...
least favorite thing about them: him being a little BITCH in fnaf4. he was straiggt up INFURIATING. if i ever encountered 1983 mike its ON SIGHT
favorite line: "he tripped and fell on freddys teeth not our fault" <-ITS SO FUNNY TO ME WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM . that or his whole "i should be dead but im not im going to come find you" speech it was pretty cool tbh. he ate
brOTP: Does he even have friends. wait do him and helpy count theyre so silly. freak corpse father and little toy bear son... im not sure what does and doesnt count as a brotp lmao
OTP: dont really care that much for shipping him but jeremike is soo fun :3 i like them
nOTP: ummm idk i guess just. Not the icky stuff yk. cant really think of anything else
random headcanon: i personally lov the idea that he kinda designed foxy. like he came up w the idea in like a drawing. i think its neat
unpopular opinion: idk exactly how unpopular this is but ive seen a loott of people saying it and. i dont think mike was mean 2 evan bc elizabeth died and he took it out on him or Whatever tf it is people think (i also dont even think she was dead at this point. imo) i think he was just mean bc. he just was mean yk. he just enjoyed being mean to ev and scaring him. as older brothers often do. i just dont think there was some deeper reason i really believe he was just being mean for the sake of fucking w his sibling. side note i dont think he ever wouldve taken it as far as the bite incident on his own i think that was jst a special case bc his bullying was being super enabled by his equally dickheaded friends. ykwim? not like he wasnt at fault he absolutely was but like i think it was a mob mentality kinda thing. if thta even makes sense. Anyway
song i associate with them: cop car by mitski.... something something "i will never die" Also michael afton + dog metaphor makes me insane
favorite picture of them:
he is Lookingg..
roxyy!!!
favorite thing about them: i LOVE her design. and also her personality. shes just a really cool and interesting character as a whole i like what theyve done in creating her. Ok thats not really a fav thing ermm im gonna go w her design cuz it goes so hard
least favorite thing about them: shes a gregory hater and i cannot get behind that !! Sorry queen u fell off
favorite line: def either "sign up today and be a WINNER! nobody likes a loser 🙄🙄" (i love the way she says it its so funny 2 me) or "i remember because you are number one—twice :)" (aww CRIES)
brOTP: do her and cassie count. Theyre everything. i really do not think i am understanding brotp correctly but its not like theres that many options either. whatevr. OOHhhh yk what i really fw roxy-freddy friendship. their dynamic intrigues me....
OTP: also not big on shipping for roxy but i yhink roxica is cutee ^_^
nOTP: umm i have no idea actualky. lmao
random headcanon: she is a #lesbian she kisses girls shes a big fan of women etc u get it. also hc that when kids go in her green room and they play the racing arcade machine she starts backseat gaming them like crazy . shes just mad she cant play the game herself lmao
unpopular opinion: umm i dont think i really have one Question mark.. tbh i feel like people dont talk about roxy that much so im not sure what Is a popular opinion. people should talk about her more shes interesting
song i associate with them: what you waiting for by gwen stefani!!!!! actually bc of that one roxy drawing u made that had that song LOL
favorite picture of them:
shes so cool..
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UNPOPULAR OPINIONS ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE MEDIA, GO
okok idk how unpopular these opinions are gonna be tbh
Malcolm in the Middle: i lowkey hate craig, i think he's creepy ESPECIALLY in earlier seasons. you'd think that after your MARRIED coworker tells you that she doesn't like you back and there's no way in hell that she'd ever be with you, YOUD TAKE A FUCKING HINT. also while it's on my mind, i remember writing a reese x reader where readers is basically allison in that episode where craig gives her and reese a ride to the concert but he ends up ruining their date, but anon asked for them all to have a good time together and it was SO hard to write! bc if i had paid for concert tickets (most likely really expensive) for me and my bf and my ride purposefully made me miss the concert because he had a "better" plan for "our" date, i would've blown up the car
Malcolm in the Middle: i honestly didn't like the series finale. the only endings i really agreed with were malcolm's and francis' (malcolm was totally meant to go to harvard by any means necessary, even if it meant working a million jobs between classes to cover that tuition. and although he's probably still a bit of a menace, i love that francis got his act together and got a steady job). i think reese deserved a better ending, i think he could've had a really good culinary career instead of being the janitor at his high school. and i know it was probably for a gag/twist ending but i don't like that they made lois pregnant again. GIVE THE WOMAN A BREAK!!
The Naturals: i've made tiktoks about this (which yall don't know about bc you dont know me outside of this platform teehee) but i hate the way lia treats cassie. sure she got kinda better at the VERY end of the SERIES (4 books). but imagine your mom has been missing and presumed murdered for YEARS and (spoliers for books 3-4 teehee) finally the police find her body but it's not actually her and then you find out your mom is actually alive and a captive/prophet for this murder cult AND THAT YOU HAVE A SISTER THAT WAS CONCEIVED INSIDE THAT CULT. NOW imagine that while you're going through all these events, some bitch keeps telling you to keep that shit to yourself bc other people in the group are having more pressing issues and that the group is at problem capacity. BITCH ALL OF YOU HAVE ISSUES, INSTEAD OF WORKING FOR THE FBI YOU SHOULD GO TO THERAPY
Charlie's Angels: im a really big fan of the 2000's charlies angels movies but was a bit disappointed when i watched the 2019 one. dont get me wrong, its good. i just kinda wished there was some more callbacks to the 2000s movies. like imagine my disappointment when the new charlie wasn't revealed to be dylan (which would've given her character a good ending bc dylan couldn't imagine herself leaving the angels, it would make SO much sense if she ended up heading the agency. even making her a bosley would've been good)
That 70s Show: this isn't really that unpopular but the last season honestly sucked. drew gooden made a pretty good video talking about it (i love drew gooden ugh). imo, moving to africa and then breaking up with donna made no sense for eric's character. especially after donna dropped out of college to stay in point place with him! hyde and jackie breaking up? horrible. jackie and fez getting together? why???? (also the timeline for that 70s show makes no sense at all. theres this channel that did a kinda indepth vid on it and tried pinpointing when the show actually would've ended based on the episodes (mainly the holiday episodes, i think making the holiday specials really screwed over the overall timeline))
i cant think of any more opinions teehee
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ok ok but actually i want to know ur thoughts on the en titles like even with my limited understanding of japanese im????? on half these titles and worse i gotta memorize them bc youtube forces u to read them that way. nooo its not testament its kyuuyaku hankagai nooo its not blade its shuuen touhikou....
okay i actually have my yt set to jpn so all i see of the eng titles is actually second hand but from what i know
last i checked aru sekai shoushitsu was left untranslated. i dont know how i feel about that.
problem for me starts with kyuuyaku hankagai. kyuuyaku IS old testament yes thats where the eng testament comes from. hankagai is actually a bit of word play on magus part bc there IS a word hankagai meaning like a business district or busy downtown area but the hanka magu uses in the title is actually for scientific generalizations with the suffix of town at the end. so u end up with something like town of the old testament's generalizations which. right away u can see how much extra context ur getting from that alone. reducing it to JUST testament leaves out a lot of detail & makes it more open to interpretation. if i didnt know the og title id see testament & go "oh its called testament bc its a testament of her will to work so hard and go thru all this horror time after time after time" but thats not it. look im not a religious person at all but it goes beyond word choice here the opening text is reminiscent (at the very least) of dante's inferno, 2 songs later we get more church imagery & a whole angel, this isnt a one time thing its also a part of the story & to leave it as just testament makes it so easy to ignore or overlook that part. and then there's the fact its one of the songs tied directly to a certain world's disappearance. disappearance has its main lines distributed under specific headers of sorts, each being a single 2 syllable kanji. the first of which is kyuu which is literally "past". translating both to reflect this in eng is. difficult esp when it gets to other songs but even if u leave it as old testament the "old" is Still There & its a lot more possible to catch onto the connection (hard maybe but not impossible)
shuuen touhikou makes me need to talk a walk and im not joking. fucking "blade" sounds like ur trying to appeal to edgy middle schoolers. aside from that when i hear blade im thinking its going to be a fighting song - maybe not a physical fight, but theres going to be conflict- and yes! there IS conflict in this song! its not what i would expect from seeing blade tho! she is fighting & yes the lyrics are like. using her sword to try and forge her own path out when the others let her down, but blade makes it seem like idk some noble fight or something. but u read demise escape & u KNOW shit's serious. it IS a fight but its that kind of "god i dont want to die like this" type of primal fight and not some cool miku swordfighting action. this girl's been told to sit tight and it will work out & she knows thats wrong & the only thing left is for her try whatever she can so that maybe MAYBE she can make it out alive. demise escape as a title hits the type of fear & heaviness thats in the series and gets across and entirely different picture than what blade could ever do. and. again. as one of the main songs blade completely lacks anyway to tie back to the og song. the lines in shoushitsu are shuu which becomes the shuu in shuuen. end & demise are harder to accurately translate in both songs so even with the more accurate eng title its not that easy to tie back into shoushitsu but like. at the very least u can add it as a fun fact or something somewhere.
oumen mokushiroku i just have to sit here & accept that it actually works much to my own dissatisfaction. the direct translation is concave revelation BUT mokushiroku is part of the lyrics in shoushitsu & it has an alternate reading of being pronounced "apocalypse" so a series accurate title here is concave apocalypse & concave is for the most part just tying back to the ou/concave lines in shoushitsu. for as much as i think about this song i actually dont have anything deep to say about the concave part of the title beyond that so like. fine. reduce it to just apocalypse fine whatever i hate it but [throws my hands up] u win this time magu
unplanned apoptosis is accurate the only problem is in jpn u can catch the a-a alliteration in the title but thats not a problem with the translation thats a problem with the english language itself. the alliteration thing is in fact series context btw it keeps in with that repeating fractal theme they emphasized in shoushitsu and kyuuyaku. same with marshall maximizer but there u can actually see it. kanons fine.
kugutsu ashura is. hm. im nitpicking here. literally its puppet ashura. this isnt connected to a shoushitsu heading so ur not losing anything in that regard. however. from what ive been told about ashura (thank u my friend emimin) they arent very.... in control of things. per se. so when u compound that with puppet in the title it just really drives home what she's doing is not her own will. she cannot affect anything beyond how shes supposed to (i guess thats an okay way of putting it) which saying this is also why the motif isnt in this song either but thats off topic. ashura by itself doesnt bother me as much as the others but theres just that little extra context u get from knowing the first part is puppet that adds to it from a series standpoint.
laboratory is fine the only thing is in jpn it has the separation (labo-ratory) so its obvious its on of the songs with the alliteration theme going on. more of a fun fact than actually being wrong. its fine.
as far as i know yamete kudasai and kannagi dont have the official eng titles?? even if they did idk what to say about them bc these titles are already weird from a series standpoint anyway. they dont fit into the 5 kanji title songs category they dont fit into the alliteration category theyre just kind of here. if there IS thematic importance to them we're only going to know when more songs get posted. they dont have any keywords or kanji that tie into any other specific song either. theyre just here.
#asks#kuki#aru sekai series#THANK U FOR ENABLING ME#no one gets into the series anyway so im just insane about this for no reason really#there is a fan theory some of the side songs are trying to spell out amakakeru fractal with with syllable is alliterated#but that may or may not be disproven at this point. since both kanon and kannagi would be ka#and the ya from yamete kudasai is just not there at all#or maybe thats JUST STRICTLY for alliteration songs. cant tell at this point#anyway that would be impossible to know for eng only speakers so its not much point to know here
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HAI FRIEND
i’ve literally been obsessed w ur megumi smau since like chp. 14 or something LOLL,, i have this thing where i just psychoanalyze characters and ive been thinking a lot about yn like hm…
(THIS MIGHT BE A LUTTLE LONG BTW SO FEEL FREE TO JUST LIKE IGNORE THIS BUT I RLLY WANT TO TALK ABT HER)
like yn (to a lot of people) may be like a little intolerable but honestly i think the reason we have such a reaction to her personality like that is bc we see a little bit of ourselves in her if that makes sense…
PERSONALLY, I AM A YN DEFENDER FOR LIKE THATS MY HOMEGIRL.. like imagine you grew up in a world where soulmates are the basis of your romantic future. the sheer fact that that in itself already builds a sense of you either love your soulmate or hate them in someones head (considering that most of the time,, soulmates are portrayed as; first time you meet, you just know)
yn,, having met megumi long before you brain could have developed a coherent understanding of relationships, and lacking in the sense that when she met megumi,, she didn’t feel sparks like they said she would, obviously, she would categorize those feelings as hate. THATS WHY WHEN MEGUMI SAID “i dont think you really ever hated me either” HIT SO HARD FOR ME I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD…
BASICALLY WHAT IM GETTING AT is the fact that there is so much pressure already due to the fact that soulmates are said to be your other halves, so if you don’t like them, theres immense pressure and insecurity (hence yn’s hostility to the subject of her hating megumi because she has no comprehended idea of why she actually hates him) plus the fact that they met when they were kids and that probably affected the way she saw relationships in the first place EXPLAINS WHY SHE IS SO ADMENT ON BEING INDIFFERENT TO HIMMM
ok… another thing (sorry)..
AS MUCH as i love yn’s friend group,,, THEY LOWKEY PISS ME OFF THE SAME WAY YN PISSES ME OFF HELP..
OK SO,, obviously i’d also get pissed off if my friends get hostile bc i bring something up to want to understand them better, BUT at the same time, i would also have some sympathy 😢😢
LIKE,, their immediate response is to press harder, and try to solve the problem and if youre looking at texts like that thru yn’s eyes, it will prob lowkey feel like your feelings are being invalidated. yn is already confused, probably insecure about her love life, and now having to literally throw up her heart into her hands just for her friends to understand why they feel that way,, like she’s not gnna want to do that no matter how close they are (but maybe thats js me idk…) and then their immediate response to her not wanting to show that side of her is to get pissed off like i’d be mad and sad like yn too :(
i think those are all the points i was thinking sbt but if not im not gnna try to rmbr the rest bc this is alr super long.. BUT I HOPE U ENJOYED MY RANT AND I LOVE UR SMAU AND I LOVE U MUAH I HOPE U HAVE A GREAT DAY
I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U
i absolutely ADOREEEE when people psychoanalyze the characters (mostly only when the analysis is correct tho LMFAOAO autism.) BECAUSE I DO THE SAME THINGGG i kinda have to when i’m doing plot heavy smaus like this to make sure everything fits n there’s the least amount of plot holes possible blah blah blah insert my annoying rambling on how i write
ANYWAY i loved ur analysis u r so amazing n so right ! like i get yn is annoying but lord have mercy so is everyone else that’s the POINTTTTT NO ONE HERE IS ACTUALLY IN THE WRONG OR BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. EVERYONE HAS THEIR REASONING FOR WHAT THEY DO OR DONT DO!!! ugh sorry okay i’m gonna shut up now i could talk about this forever i fear .
I LOVE UUUU HAVE A GREAT DAYYYY
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Who is myles I want to know everything about him
THERES LIKE THREE DRAWINGS OF HIM IN THE MYLES TAG he also has a playlist somewhere which i can find if you want.
hes an ocs hes been in my brain since 2020 ? i cant do a full rant right now but like summary of him now all of the problems revolve around him but also a lot of those problems are because of him too hes definitely the kind of character thats like ME AND ONLY ME IM GOING TO FIX EVERYTHING but he kind of started a lot of these problems in the first place. and isnt aware of it. he is also an asshole. he is aware of that.
its funny bc when i first made him i just needed a random bg character so one of my other guys could have a twin and he was this random guy. with nothing about him and he was supposed to be cis and also probably be into jesse ANYYYYWAYYYSY as he is right now he hates jesse and jesse hates him and theyre both aromantic so LMAO also at some point he ended up being the Protagonist . fuck jesse ig?? no more protag rights for you. i didnt do this on purpose it just ended up that way ?????
yanno how i was talking about song's sort of white boy cousin. name is darryl. well myles and his twin (whose name is Tobi (or tobias))were like partially raised by darryl and his gfs who are carr(issa) and jolie bc carr's family friends with their family etc etc but uhhh TLDR those three were great older sibling figures but also maybe not bc they may have been generally responsible for a while but they are so emotionally messy i dont know how they were doing college things and also watching over some stupid middle schoolers. but carr does lose her shit later on about something not myles related and i think that has a big impact on myles losing his shit! darryls probably turning into plants or somethign but like whatever. who cares. darryl voice "myles there are flowers growing through my fingernails i cannot move my hand. this is an emergency bc i cant do my eyeliner. can you do my eyeliner please please" myles voice "i hate this house." he didnt ask carr to do his eyeliner bc carr is passed out with her face in a bowl of cheerios. also in the timeline where plants are a thing jolies probablty dead idk i have 1700000 versions of this world sometimes there are plants and death and sometimes its like a sitcom im ranting now help me jesus
whatever 'present' time is myles is prolly a high school sophomore or smth. hes mostly friends with song's cousin who is avery.
i have seventeen thousand different versions of what i like to call the song-and-jesse-universes so its hard to tell you one specific Plot thing or anything coherent about myles actual story shit but trust me. putting him in a timeloop actually makes total sense for the primary version of the story i was thinking about so im probbaly actually going to do that. it makes sense. it makes a lot of sense. SHIT anyways hes a pissbaby but he can be nice if he wants but not to jesse him and jesse are stuck in the same friend group but i think jesse is going to kill him in an un-fun and actually angry way someday. wahoo!1!! im not proofreading this before i post it. have a great reading-ant's-rant time <3
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long kind of sad gay poast ahead
saw something about loving the unlovable and it got me thinking about how its a central theme in most of my writing. paired with like, isolation, being separate/other, the doomed concept of human connection, being the only person who can love and understand you the way you need, etc - i watched evangelion way too young if you couldnt guess.
anyway and this is due to the fact that a core part of my identity and personality revolves around the fact that i considered myself unlovable for the majority of my life, first unconsciously through childhood neglect, then by choice as some "you cant fire me i quit" teen angst sort of thing, then by a doomed sense of resignation all through college. its a significant part of how i see myself even now after years of working to unlearn it - ive managed to dial it back to "im difficult to love" which still isnt great but yknow. better than it was
which is why i have attachment issues and preferred one night stands for a long time. my romantic relationships (many of them short lived) have been with well meaning partners who assured me constantly that like, even though youre difficult to love its worth it. and that was all nice and good but it made me feel so fraudulent and disgusted with myself because it put me in the position of thinking either 1) this person doesnt actually know me that well at all or 2) i have somehow tricked this person into thinking under all the baggage theres someone worth loving. which is something i find difficult to reconcile with because the baggage is me too. i cant get rid of it. inevitably those people got wise and it ended up not working out.
by now have all these arguments and strategies geared up to explain to people who make the mistake of caring about me that its really not worth the effort, we're better off as friends or acquaintances, etc. im very transparent about the issues i deal with so its all just laid out there from the beginning and im not like, tricking people into being in a relationship with me or whatever by hiding it. ive talked in circles with exes over and over along the general lines of "im difficult to love" > "no youre not" > "i have xyz wrong with me and i push people away, trust me you dont want to deal with this" > "okay well we can work on that, and youll get better and itll be worth it" > "what if i never get better" > "you will, ill help you" > [me relenting bc im unable to dash their hopes and dreams that even if i Get Better im still Me at the core and the things that make me difficult to love are a permanent part of me]
the relationship im in now doesnt even let me get into that. shan is just like, youre not. youre not difficult to love, youre actually very easy to love and it has always been easy to love you, even before we were dating. and i dont have a comeback for that.
even with my usual strategy of "heres an itemized list of all the reasons dating me is a risk" theyre just like well sure, thats difficult for you to deal with, and im sorry its so hard for you, but that doesnt make you difficult to love. the loving is easy. that part has always been easy.
she doesnt treat me like a problem that needs to be solved she doesnt try to be my savior from myself she doesnt give any indication that shes just waiting it out until i reach a certain threshold of acceptable or unacceptable. she just loves me and trusts me to take care of myself, and it places a lot of personal responsibility on me to be better - not for us but for me, because im the only person who can do that and they know it.
its the healthiest relationship ive ever been in and ive never felt so safe and free to be myself. i dont need to live up to any expectations to eventually make myself lovable. im easy to love. hard thing for me to believe in self practice but going back to the inherent disconnect between all humans, who am i to know or control what they consider easy or difficult? i dont judge her when something she finds difficult is easy for me, so why wouldn't the opposite be true?
#started thinking about this first thing in the morning for some reason#i think because im moving again and its making me think of the last time i moved#out of the house i shared with my ex#something about grief being cyclical idk#pin talks#im doing a lot of posting and not a lot of packing. lol
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I feel so so miserable and dysphoric in this society ngl. I feel like i need- not even want but need to be in a place thats accepting of me and that makes me feel loved and welcome or at least. Tolerated or something and that i cant get that. I know its my problem bc so many people somehow live being themselves and taking criticism etc. But i just cant deal with unsolicited comments or aggression etc i just cant. Bear to think that people in society might perceive me to be weird. I feel like people cant be normal around the weird and weak, they just turn hostile and try to subjugate us or at best they become patronizing.
I feel like i dont belong to any community at all not even people like me theres always this or that trait that keeps me from belonging fully and no matter what i always feel like im an impostor pretending to be normal.
I know this is my own issue and im too sensitive to what i think people think of me and how they react to me etc and i shouldnt care but i cant help caring it was literally taught to me the hard way. Everytime people have wanted me so much to care about what they think always its so hard to unlearn.
Im at this point in this reaction of flight cycle where instead of trying to figure out how i could possibly find an accepting community im trying to figure out how to not be dependent on society anymore. My fantasies are turning to like going to live somewhere alone and subsisting by my own mean even if it means sacrificing things like comfort or some dignity i would aggressively protect being alone so nobody can come near me and perceive me or anything.
Obviously thats not realistic etc so. But im still thinking i cant help trying to figure how i could do that.
I just feel like i cant compromise- i cant be happy in this situation at all.
So im thinking the other way out is to die- which obviously is a thing i cant do bc some people depend on me and like. Its so so sad to die even though theres still technically hope of getting better. And its not fair. But im getting these urges and its like not even on a conscious level bc ive been suppressing suicidal urges but i have these parasite thoughts idk to do it in a way that makes it everyones problem bc i resent this society (and no individual in particular) so much and i want everyone to know that they failed and they were trash and they hurt me etc. But i cant pinpoint any specific people that i really resent. When it comes down to people who actually hurt me i think they just wouldnt understand (or sometimes care). No matter what i cant make anyone understand me or what i go through and the pain isnt going away.
And i know this is not a good way to feel or to think bc its very selfish and its nobodys fault in particular. And i have this toxic trait of when i feel bad i think its fair that everybody else feels bad too- which is bad and also i hate having this trait cause this is just what my dad does!! So im repressing thoughts like these and i dont talk about this to people around me bc the last thing i want is to actually harm someone especially if i care about them.
But yea i feel like i dont connect to anyone really. I connect to my spouse but i think its only bc we spent so much time together we attuned to each other but still. He is a person n i guess i need unconditional acceptance and love of my whole being- literally everything i do or say and i know its dumb and i shouldnt want it etc
Rationalizing doesnt make it go away though.
This spiraling was literally caused by a call from my landlord's girlfriend bc shes asking me to fill somth that doesnt matter and i shouldnt have to fill it and she was so rude bc i didnt receive her stupid email. As if its my fault?! N like. This is way more interaction ive had with this landlord than i care to have for my entire life. With these neighbors. I hate it here i hate it here!!!!!!! Theres always drama in this building!!!! I want to be left out of it!!!!!!
I feel like my life is just a nightmare that im trapped in. I have to pretend to be a human person all the time and i have to rely on my imaginary world and comfort interests to escape it all the time but when i think about it this is the only thing that makes me feel safe and accepted.
Idk why im struggling so much just feeling human and living with other people. I dont think anything ive been through is enough to justify this level of dysphoria and distress. I didnt ask for this. I just want to be left alone and live my life but that is too much to ask.
Sorry for the rant. Ill be ok though!!!!!!! Idk if anyone else feels like this but when it comes to DID i feel like for me its all about feeling unimaginable amounts of pain and still being able to function and be ok bc everything is kept compartmentalized. So in the end ill be ok n functional but ill hate it the entire time.
Anyway bye.
- ???
#lorisys#tw in readmore.#im too....................... etc to tag for anything im just feel not good. sarrey
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I like cult Aphid bc I like writing and drawing characters with something wrong with them™️ but the amount of prerequisites for him to join and STAY is a lot because he's got a lot wrong with him without also joining a cult, it takes some heavy fuckin lifting. So I'm just going over bullet points for this au in this post tbh.
1. Sister has to visit his home a little after he moves to Hope County, before the cult is at its worst and before he really properly starts at the sherrifs office
2. Has to meet John in a friendly setting prior to this and able to stand him enough to actually become his friend. (He absolutely cannot meet Sharky in this au until after its too late because it will become about them and its supposed to be JohnxAphid)
3. Big fight between him and Ruby which causes him to go over to Johns house and rant for 30 minutes about how he's got no one and he's sick of his family
(Alternatively Ruby dies but I really hate killing her just to make my boy sad in general and I don't like the idea of killing her until like, New Dawn time maybe and even then its like blaze of glory shit, its also more interesting for her to be alive in this au)
4. This prompts John to get him to join Edens gate, hes on the fence about joining but he's sort of considering, but like he's heard all the bs you have to do to join and isn't exactly jazzed at the idea of it. Hes also incredibly weary of a lot of religion because of his childhood n shit but let's not talk about that.
5. Aphid hops on the denial train when shit begins to hit the fan and Ruby trying to help gets into it with him again but this time its like "hey lil bro, I noticed your gay ass is about to join a cult so maybe don't?" And another fight and hes like "fuck it" and joins out of spite (dipshit)
6. Now he has to have good reason to stay in, which I'm genuinely not sure about outside of like, him and John start dating and he's like "fuck it" and leans into it. Like dating for long enough that it's at the "meet the family" kinda point.
7. He also can't be around for the first time Faith gets replaced because he could ignore it if it happens once (king of "not my business not my problem" in this au fr) but probably not twice
8. Continues to ride the denial train for a while but eventually when the reaping begins he doesn't really stay because he believes in it or whatever but because he just knows enough members of the project that he doesn't want to fight them anymore and kinda drops out of his job at the sherrifs office one day without 2 weeks notice or anything. (Point of no return for him, this point forward he can't be convinced to leave by anyone or anything)
9. Ruby will have to to take place of "main problem causer" this au (I finally let her do something woah) and the resistance generally sees her like "oh sorry your brother went crazy I think you gotta kill him tho??? Sorry"
10. Can't tell which Seeds die or if Aphid works really fucking hard to keep em around, John makes it because Aph is consistent in protecting people he loves in every au fr but they lose the bunker key in the process. Same with Jacob maybe.
11. Faith is difference bc Ruby is a bleeding heart with a savior complex and completely falls for the front she puts up and is like "but we gotta help her 🥺" but Faith does get to leave the project (sorta kinda, it's a whole thing) and survives
12. Dude idk if I can keep her from shooting Joseph and I kinda want her to fr like he starts doing his speech and she does not let him finish. Aphids busy with keeping his very pissed off boyfriend, the brother who looked like he was about to be cool with death, and the members he was able to get to safe. He doesn't even realize he straight forgot about Joseph til its too late.
13. Ruby does a broadcast about Joseph and asks Aphid one last time to come back but he's all in now and probably isnt gonna back out anytime soon. He still goes to confront her and since Aphid might as well be a raid boss theres a big show down between the two of them. They're fighting and Ruby gets really close to killing him but she hesitates because "fuck that's my brother, I raised him, I love him, this is so fucked"
14. In the minutes she hesitates the collapse comes. It's late, but it happens and Aphid just bolts to the bunker he had holed up with John in up until that point. Can't decide who Ruby's bunker buddy is. Could stick her with the Edens Gate people and have fun new issues but who knows.
That's the broad strokes though, probably won't write anything for this past a one shot or two if I feel like it but I thought it'd be fun to lay it all out like tism
#ok but what if i got into some nonsense instead#aphid hernandez#im talking now#far cry 5#cult!aphid#idk what cool name to give him but i guess he'd be like a chosen but worse#oh!#ruby hernandez#yuh girlies tag i dont use#ruby crushes on grace hard in this btw#no clue if its a ship but i think its be cool#sharky is around this au and i think itd be funny if he saw aphid fighting and had his bi awakening bc of him either way#but despite how it may seem i cannot control my ocs#its like sims i tell them to do something and usually its done#but sometimes they go#my writing#if theres any errors in this its bc ive been awake all night at the airport#bc my flight got cancled#be nice to me or else
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i Think that none of the guardians were that great Not because they are inherently bad people but because of the circumstances surrounding them. they took measures that They thought would protect their kids which backfired. but just because there were Good Intentions doesnt mean their actions were Good and forgiveness is a tricky thing bc its. well its Hard when you have a shitty guardian whos bad because Their circumstances were bad and you have to weigh. Can I Forgive You?
and ultimately thats hard to say because it really Does depend on the person. and its like. yea you fucked me up even if you didnt Mean to and i still love you but. you know.
and this goes for All guardians even if you think some of their actions were more morally reprehensible than others.
bro - well he severely fucked up with the fighting / physical abuse / general unsafe enviroment with porn, weapons, etc. he was also being mind corrupted by a fucked demon puppet. he just wanted dave to be strong enough to fill the knight role and made him Hate the concept of being a hero.
mom - negligence mainly. im Not counting the alcohol abuse as a Moral Failure but rather a consequence of knows the world is going to end, she cant do anything to stop it, they Are doomed. it still had bad consequences with rose growing up in that environment and falling into the same habits. she gave rose everything she wanted to an Extreme degree that just made it stifling to like anything.
grandpa - he was dead which. isnt necessarily his fault lmao? but the isolation to people, house full of dangerous weapons and such. the isolation was because the batterwitch, if she knew he had a child she Would have been all over jade [female heir type - she let jake go cause he was a guy etc etc] and he was also the Most involved with the game. he just Couldnt be there, wasnt supposed to survive.
dad - his problem is that, he supports his kid but they dont Talk. he recognizes the situation is Not Good and grieves for his mother but doesnt tell john Anything to protect him - even going go far as to lie about how nanna died. he Watches john and can recognize his surroundings [what movies he likes, the writings on his walls] but never actually Talked with him. inherent misunderstandings.
i think out of all of them, jade and june would forgive more easily just by. Not recognizing that anything was ever off. but they [jade probably] would eventually make peace even if theres a lot of anger and grief involved, just because shes used to that. june is. complicated because she has the 'best of it all' and would struggle the most with it. if they could have one honest conversation i think they would be fine but that obviously cant happen. not even with a Different version of her dad.
dave i dont think would ever forgive his brother and i dont think thats a bad thing. sometimes its better to just let go, its in the past and no amount of what ifs can ever change that. it would probably affect his relationship with dirk though and That would take a while to. not fix but come to terms with if that makes sense. rose is. Also. very complicated in the same reason as june since their home lives Very mirror each other. although she has the chance to talk with roxy and figure out Why she did what she did. i think she heavily goes back and forth on 'i understand and forgive her' and 'she never Talked with me, its her fault our relationship was messed up. i was a child' and they can co-exist.
thats my thoughts at the very least. trauma and trauma recovery is a very tricky subject and theres no black and white of it. and its even Harder to talk about all together cause its like. oh yea they had it Worse so why are you talking about this? when its not. about that. they were all stuck in the same shitty circumstances.
and i want to go into separate posts for each, especially june and rose but Also they Are parallels of eachother so you Do have to talk with. With each other. of course its Not Direct Parallels but general rule of thumb:
rose ~ june
dave ~ jade
either way thats it for now i hope this actually made sense lmao oh god i havent even gotten into the alpha kids and how they would play into this. well i did a little bit but thats Also an important step for them in dealing with their trauma [exception for june] and of course, the other way around with the alpha kids and Their guardians. havent gotten to them yet so ill hold off for now
#talks#homestuck#idea tag#bro#mom#granddpa#dad#dave#rose#jade#egbert#SORRY this is messy im not rereading this just getting my thoughts down#hope my message is clear though.
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eye emoji at ur oc tags i am looking so hard what da hell is going on over there
hehehe excuse to infodump abt them hell yeah! okay so i partially answered this here and also before i forget i actually have a sideblog dedicated to the campaign theyre for over at @the-curse-investigation-team ! and for anyone who needs context for this ask i posted this earlier (putting the rest under a read more bc this is gonna be long)
ANYWAYS so i mostly talked abt the curse earlier, but basically theres a curse on the monsters (they're good!!) of this town that make them get sick and rampage and not have control of their monster forms if theyre shifters. it affects one person every new moon and the person ends up dying from the curse just from how sick they get (or previously they were killed/euthanized but that stopped since there was recently gained hope that the ppl could be cured of the curse. my character, worms, originally got turned into a monster/worm-shifter bc he got attacked by a worm shifter that was effected by the curse and worms bit him in an attempt to get it off of him (he was panicking okay he wasnt exactly in the best position to be making decisions). when he woke up he was in a hospital bed and found out that bc he called for help the worm ended up being killed and now he has ✨survivors guilt✨. so even tho he's told theres nothing he can do to help he keeps researching the curse and trying to save those effected to no end (his working theory is that if the cursed monster stays alive til midnight of the new moon then the curse will stop effecting them but no one will listen). finally things change when two non-monsters (scott, a manager from the local gary gators [think rainforest cafe x chuck-e-cheese and yes this is based on fnaf shhhh] who?? has a phone for a head??, and sonya, a college student who has powers given to her by a something or other but rly doesnt want to) get roped in. they figure out that worms' original theory doesnt work but they figure out sonya can dispell the curse, but at that point its too late. next month rolls around tho and the curse gets dispelled from that person and we now have the first person to live through having the curse!! but its still gonna show up every month so now we gotta figure out its source and keep dispelling it and tracking down who has it each month.
as for the best friend, his name is/was emmett and they met in elementary schooland knew each other up into their early 20s and they bonded over both being trans (with emmett being a trans guy and worms being nonbinary) along with many other things. emmett got bullied a lot in school and worms v much gave him scary dog privilege and got the bullies to back off whenever they were around, or at the very least caused problems for them lol. they were super close, to the point where emmett developed a romantic crush on worms (but didnt ask him out or say anything bc worms is aroace and he assumed they wouldnt want to be in a relationship w him [he didnt know that qpps were a thing]) and worms developed a queerplatonic crush on emmett (but didnt say anything bc emmett isnt aro and "deserves to have a nice romantic relationship with someone who can reciprocate" [emmett would love to be their qpp if he knew it was a thing]". v much and they were both idiots energy. anyways they lived together for a while after worms got kicked out and before emmett left for college in emmetts parents house. right after emmett had moved back to their hometown after college he disappeared; long enough that he was assumed dead. it was insanely hard on worms. it turns out emmett is now scott, the phone head guy i mentioned earlier. freddy fazbears gary gators decided they needed a new manager (all of which are ppl kidnapped and turned into partial animatronics with their memories mostly wiped and v v traumatized. scott doesnt remember worms bc, like i said, memories wiped, plus worms changed his name which doesnt help (he used to change names all the time and then landed on worms after the wormening). worms does seem very familiar to scott though and finds them very comforting to be around and has a crush on him again. worms doesnt know scott is emmett bc different voice (voicebox) and can't see his face (phonehead). scott does remind him a lot of emmett though and finds himself falling into old habits with him and developing queerplatonic feelings for him, both of which he feels a bit guilty about.
also side note but worms's grandpa-figure (pops) turns into a bear and is dating mothman :)
but yeah sorry this is long agshshs lmk if you have any questions!! tho stuff abt emmett/scott i may or may not be able to answer since hes my friends player character not mine (same goes for sonya).
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OK not a liveblog per se but i have to SAY THINGS GOSH and im stalling so i dont finish LOL IM SCARED
alright bc thething is i have had my brain shut off for the past few weeks whatever the fuck i havent been in a "lets sit down and talk ad nauseum about it"
whichis such a shame bc LIKE... first bit of s4? i think the opener was bad but a lot of it otherwise middling- HOWEVER AFTER THAT.. GOD THERES BEEN SO MUCH TO SAY SINCE I JUST HAVENT TALKED ABOUT IT
and speaking of openers. i think its kinda funny. premiere notwithstanding, it feels like farscape kinda sucks at openers but literally KNOCKS IT OUT OF THE PARK with season finales. literally. in the thick of it now- but i genuinely think theyve always been, like, so so strong.and thats genuinely so hard to pull off, man.
like im a dw fan and anyways yeah so dw has some of the most inconsistent finales imaginable and it makes me really appreciate a show that CAN do them. like: theyre busy but paced well; its not predictable but its not overly convoluted; theres ups and downs, and theres complications but theyre never contrived.
and i do think farscape has a problem with benching characters and forgetting they exist sometimes but HERE at least they are keeping all of them constantly engaged which is really hard man i do admire it its like..... theres such an ENERGY . like its a proper culmination of events and people coming together and all characters just on their a-game, with a genuinely good story as a foundation. BC ITS EASY ENOUGH TO JUST BRING EVERYONE IN, and arbitrarily up the stakes BUT its another thing to not just... rely wholly on that? which i say again bc you know. doctor who. SORRY TO BE GUY THAT ONLY WATCHES 2 SHIKWS- BUT ITS IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.
ANYWYS
i shouldhave tlaked more abt the eps in specific but firstly the lead up to this was crazy like the last part of s4 has been so good.
i loved bringing home the beacon. #jirl power. like for all my reservations about noranti and sikozu (which i'll get into more) i do love likejsut seeing... an episode full of women? which i dontknow that probably sounds stupid but god i jsust feel like... EVEN NOWADAYS, when they do have a lot of women in a show sometimes its just forced and i dont mean that in the arsey way i mean that as in, like, they just put more and more women in without properly developing them and so its just a load of stock characters- BUT HERE, we have a genuine range of girlies here carrying the episode each with their own agency, so theyre capable of having such a good dynamic and LISTEN. DUMB BUT ITS REFRESHING. and i really loved the back and forth with aeryn and sikozu in particular and the more tenuous political situation and their reactions to it and how theyre actually similar but obviously have such different ideas on what to DO here like ougghghgh ... AND THE END. SHEESH. its like- its one of those things where you knew it was coming but BY GOD. THE END OF THIS EPISODE.
and then i really loved a constellation of doubt- love introspective episodes, set before/after the more epic finale-type parts - and how it functions like.. especially establishing john's distance from earth and like... how we STARTED this journey with him so desperate to return to it and you'd think that would be the finale of the show but we've been there and it wasnt right bc hes different now and NOW its about aeryn SHE'S the end goal now baby..................
then my fucking god. prayer was holy shit that was DARK as fuck and like- LIKE YAOI BREAK JOKES ASIDE, like... i fucking loved scorpius and john "working together" like that and the tension and JESUS when FUCKING SCORPIUS JUST.... like that whole alternate world is so fucked up man. so fucking fucked up.
AND THEN- GOD, THE AERYN STUFF... LIKE EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT JOHN/SCORPIUS, part of me wishes the whole episode was a long and . immersive look into hers but also i sure a sfuck dont because holy fucking shit like... I WAS SO NERVOUS, YOU KNOW, about the pregnancy storyline going into s4 bc with scifi, stories about pregnancy can so easily go fucking wrong and get horrible and uncomfortable if the writers dont do well AND ESPECIALLY if youre going to darker places likethis like jesus fuckingchrist but... i do think they did a good job of like leaivng aeryn in control of her narrative if that makes sense. i think thats my issue otherwise- like again, with dw the worst fucking offender, who barely even let amy fucking reflect on any of that shit when what she went through was a bodily violation compatable to r#pe but WHATEVER uhm - LIKE... obviously aeryn is also going fucking through it, jesus, horrible fucking shit is happening to ehr, but i dont- like im not against that, you know, so long as we do get to see her and we hear her and its not about crichton although his side is important, and its not FOCUSSED on the horror of it in some strange voyeuristic way (although it can be dangerously close to that) i still found it to be about... HER. YEAH? AND SEEING HER PERSPECTIVE. AND god.....................fuckme.............
andits so funny bc liekfor all i said abt loving the ifnale I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY
I DONT I FOR SURE DONT IM STILL IN IT AND MY HEAD IS FUCKING MUSH THATSWHY IM WRITING ALLTHIS
WHEN STARK REAPPEARED- okay firstly. i love the hair so bad. why didnt we get that. BUT LIKE- WHILST SCORPIUS didnt buy it i for sure bought it at first LOL like msotly bc i have always admired farscape for allowing characters to always have quite a lot of nuance, and having their own individual agenda like.. you know what i mean? its like- going back WAY back to the beginning, with dna mad scientist, it'd be so easy to have them all have a firm allegiance to one another BUT NOPE. and here i'd be like- FUCK, MAN, I DONT KNOW. i wouldnt be fucking mad with stark if he wanted to fuck around and just torture the shit out of scorpius after all he fucking went through, you know.
and speaking of agendas
okay sikozu. which can i say? i keep mispelling her name. thats one thing farscape sucks at. the names are good and inventive and pack flavour- but not fucking memorable, in the slightest. frell me. GOOD CUSSES THOUGH THEYRE GOOD AT THAT I KEEP ACCIDENTALLY ALMOST SAYING DREN WHEN MESSAGING PPL. EMBARRASSING. anyway
where was i
FUCKING SIKOZU
i havent continued watching yet but the whole relevation of her and her allegiance to this resistance... right, ok. heres my thing. i really LIKE it, actually, and i have grown to really like her character and i think shes such a fucking interesting person to drop into the cast and has such a good fucking perspective on things and gives good fucking dynamics with quite a few of the existing cast AND i dont hate this storyline with her at all either and i think if itd been established a bit more beforehand or we'd gotten to explore her a bit more beforehand i would have LOVED-LOVED-LOVED her for what she does BUT
its like.. she kind of got introduced weird AND she starkly.. contrasts the kind of sloppy inclusion of noranti and jool? because listen. i just- i cant help but think...FUCK me. i wish sikozu was introduced WAY back in place of jool, since jool kind of did come back around in the end but ultimately i dont think she ever truly found her place in the show or did much constructive, and what she did do sikozu functions as better as AND that extra time could have really better sewed the seeds of this story bc right now it does kinda feel out of nowhere... not completely far-fetched, though, bc i do think it fits for her as she has always been quite cagey and- SHIT MAN. IM REALISING. I COULD REALLY HAVE FUCKING LOVED SIKOZU IF THEYD JUST DONE HER RIGHT LIKE
and its like i said. i did like jool by the end of her run but i dont think she was... im sorry but i dont think she was ever worth it for what she was and i dont think she really DID much. and i think its like an overall problem farscape as a show has HAD since its moved past s1, wherein like... s1 is SO FUCKING GOOD, and so efficient at building characters well and really putting in the work. but as the show grew it kind of struggled to do that whenever they introduced new ppl which i guess is my frustration with it? they dont rlly take the time to work them into it, in the same way, and i guess they really cant do what they did with s1 bc they have more plot to cover but its a shame. i feel like there was a way to adapt better esp bc like i said like- a lot of the time... the new characters were kind of just?? unnecessary?
and its like dont get me WRONG i dont think a character has to be actively doing something all the time. i stand by the fact rygel is an important character. i think he balances them out really fucking well, serves an important function on the ship in terms of diplomacy and DOES give really good moments and different perspectives that the others could not give. but i think thats also like... dependent on him being a reliably well established character within the show and a thing that has been demonstrated over seasons and in PARTICULAR early on and its usually done with good measure
whereas jool was justlike... genuinely downright bad for the first few eps she was there and it doesnt really feel like she WENT anywhere either in the end even though she did improve and its like. -_- cmon bc SHE DID HAVE AN INTERESTING PREMISE BUT EERHGHG...
and i also bring up noranti bc she too is kind of... just drifting? dont get me wrong- i actually do kind of like her. i know im listening to a podcast alongside the show- and omg, the hosts HATE her so bad. i think shes definitely a taste thing, so id assume jool is too to some extent, bc characters like this are BUT... i do admit she really... hasnt added anything?
and sorry to do this. but im relating it back to dw again. you know dan, yeah? dan was pointless. i liked him. i liked what he brought to the show and i dont think what they tried to do with him was bad. and usually im of the mindsetof like... oh well if they had some good moments with him it wasnt BADLY spent but no ehrm... look... it kinds was, man. bc look- his stuff was good, but it wasnt so original or unique, and i do think a comic relief character did balance them out BUT... its still kind of, like, lazy to just make a whole character for that, yeah? instead of just... developing the ones you have and committing to them? kind of slapping a bandaid on it? like- can yaz and 13 not be funny and lighthearted? cant they carry scenes? and was his story of, like, some fucking dude so singularly unique that you had to compromise 13 and yaz being alone and working on their relationship more in isolation?
thats a more drastic example but my point is i dont know. shes nice and she has had moments but i jsut feel like her too its like... shes really not necessary and its just- i become super conscientous fo it when it jsut feels... redundant to have them about when theres a lot of other more interesting things to explore. i think they justkinda... needed a fucking plot device to write them out of stuff with her powders but like- cmon man..
ANYWAY GOD
WHERE WAS I WITH ALL OF THIS
fucking hel fuck me ive lost all train of thought i should fucking ginish the episo-
IM SCAREEED IM SCAREDDD IM SCAREDDDDTHGOGUGHGHGHHG
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content warning discussions of fictional incest and also my brain going on a god damn marathon talking about bullshit discourse social vigilance crap
is reminded of the existence of incest (baki is just. the fucking most. i wasn’t even surprised this shit bleeds freud it would probably beat him up and create its own psychological philosophy. freud two: get wrecked idiot.)
brain enters surveilance mode, realizing i haven’t actually trimmed the weeds of my internet circles in a fucking age and a half. goes to twitter switches the search to “followed only” or whatever and then has to do it again AFTER inserting the buzzword because i’m a dipshit and this interface is too. mostly just finds people offhandedly mentioning bad shit other people are doing, or anger that a promising yuri turned out to be about sisters/cousins/parent-coded-robot-mechanic/etc. the usə (yoo-sh/j, short for usual, hard to convey in text). also someone pointing out that the halimede t4t bit IS effectively just another fucking incest joke. (also somethingsomething popular trans women who were made lolcows or otherwise harassed/discriminated against for unrelated reasons also getting flack FROM OTHER TRANS WOMEN <- CRUCIAL DETAIL for incest kink participation/endorsement/adjacency/etc. that shit i very much enjoy ignoring bc my personal kinda fuckhuge massive problems with the fetishization of such contents is still dwarfed by Systemic Injustice And Transphobia. theres nothing satisfying much less ‘good’ or ‘just’ about someone with a simulative skeleton or two in their closet facing unfair ramifications for completely unfuckingrelated shit. sigh. anyway.) THIS WHOLE FUCKING THIS STARTED AS AN ASIDE FROM MY MAIN POINT *GOD* WHEN I GET LIKE THIS MY MOUTH/HANDS ARE UNSTOPPABLE now that i think about it mom also tends to do this when she gets upset about something more abstract/media-related. huh. i should be more patient with her about that. ANYWAYS I WAS GOING THROHGH <- typo left in for “authen ticity” POSTS FROM PEOPLE I FOLLOW THAT MENTION INCEST. A COMPLETELY NORMAL THING TO DO THAT ISN’T EMBARASSING TO EVEN ADMIT TO WITH THE CONDITION “SO THAT I COULD UNFOLLOW/BLOCK/BRAND FOR EXECUTION ANYBODY WHO CONDONED THAT SHIT” LMFAO. sorry for all caps. it will continue.
SOME NOBODY LAST YEAR WAS PULLING ‘lol yeah writing incest just to make antis mad instead of the characters actually having chemistry is soooo lame haha i’ve got that good stuff 😘😘’ TO SOMEONE ELSE THEYRE FOLLOWING AND I. GOD I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHY I’D BEEN FOLLOWING THEM. LIKE THEY WERE FOLLOWING TWO OTHER MUTUALS OF MINE. WHO THE PISS WERE YOU WHERE DID I MEET THIS ABSOLUTE CATASTROPHE
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