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#obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them.
widevibratobitch
·
6 months
Text
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#tw ed
#saw a picture of myself from when i was *checks notes* at my fucking worst with my ED but that meant i was also Thinner.
#i really should Go Back huh. maybe if i did i wouldnt feel. Like This.
#it'd prolly mean id start losing my hair again which. not a big fan. BUT.
#if i was really dedicated i could also lose my period which. huge fan. that was one of the best things that ever happened to me tbh
#i could have it all back. maybe i could even get farther than the last time. all it would take is uhh feeling utterly fucking miserable
#having no energy for the most basic stuff let alone singing and thinking about nothing and i mean NOTHING but calories 24/7.
#but hey. maybe i could like. lose 5 kg for my troubles and then gain back twice as much when i decide again that i just Cant Live Like This
#totally worth it huh
#anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing
#and encouraging me to keep going. and i miss the sense of Accomplishment and the Pride and the Not Feeling Disgusting
#or at least Making Up For It by just. not eating lol
#cause like its not like im actually much better mentally am i lmao clearly im not. only now im both miserable AND fat.
#obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them.
#but if i have to be miserable anyway i could at least be. less f/at about it right. maybe then ill be worth something <3
#...and other delusions you keep cultivating because there's something deeply and inherently wrong with you
#my new bestseller coming soon to your nearest bookshop dont miss it its only $free.99!
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