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ꕥღ What fanfic trope do your fs and you resemble?ღꕥ

As the first PAC of my collection "cliche moments with your fs", this tarot reading tries to tag the dynamic of your relationship with your fs in a fanfic trope.

P1-P2-P3:

PILE 1: "Sometimes I lay in bed at night just saying your name"

Insecure love interest x Successful lover

The dynamic between your fs and you feels protective and encouraging. But it seems that one of you, even if you are successful and productive, does not feel good enough to be in a relationship with the love interest. I see cute and beautiful interactions at the beginning of your relationship, where the insecure part blushes and hugs themselves in a protective way, while the other part is just happy to be able to interact with them, their eyes shining and body leaning towards the other in interest. The more secure person is truly successful with the magician's energy. This connection really makes sense if it is interpreted in an "office scenario" where the more extroverted part is doing a good job in a more visible department while the other is busy with the internal operations of the company. The extroverted part is always smiling for the other, but it seems that their romantic signals and flirting goes unnoticed by the insecure one, nevertheless, they just keep trying and scheming to interact with the "insecure" person in a way that seems unplanned, even when they are really planning it so the interactions seem natural and do not scare the other. Once the outgoing person understands that their romantic interest likes them but is keeping their distance to avoid damaging their reputation, they will increase their efforts to win them over. They will compliment and affectionate touch them for a time. Building up their love interest's self-esteem appears to be the initial step towards a stable relationship, so they will strive to accomplish this.

(5 of Gems - Ten of Shells - The Magician - Ace of Roses - Five of Shells)

Channeled messages:

Katniss Everden and Peeta Mellark: "You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know"

Edward x Bella in Twilight.

Bridget Jones!!

"Bridget: I read that you should never go out with someone if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't. Mark: And can you think of three? Bridget: Yes. Mark: Which are? Bridget: First off, I embarrass you. I can't ski, I can't ride, I can't speak Latin, my legs only come up to here, and yes, I will always be just a little bit fat."

PILE 2: "pieces of me exist in every person i've ever loved"

"Work team trope"

The start of this relationship has a purpose. Maybe it's because of your job. It seems you both spend time together to achieve an objective. It may be due to work, a college project, a competition or debate... Both of you would be interested in achieving a common goal. It appears that for this aim, the both of you ought to work together and express your ideas, visions, and intentions for the project. This love is honest and gradual. It will occur without any of you noticing. For instance, one day you may go to work and notice that they appear more attractive than usual or that their smile is lovely. You will get used to each other's presence without even realizing it. And when that person is no longer around, you will notice their absence greatly! You will miss each other so much that it will drive you both crazy. You'll wonder why you feel this way. It's a strange but warm feeling in your chest. When you collaborate with them, you'll start to stutter, blush, and get nervous in their presence mid-collaboration! I can also imagine some of you working in a laboratory or hospital - somewhere bright and very clean. This project will be a triumph that warrants some revelry! You will realize that you are a great team and are likely to continue working together on other topics.

(King of Shells - Ace of Wings - 3 of Shells - 7 of Shells)

Channelled messages:

(500) Days of summer

The office (Pam and Jim)

The fault in our starts: “As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”

PILE 3: "you are such a soft and messy thing"

"Love at first sight x long-distance relationship"

In a trip, in a foreign land, you meet someone so beautiful in your eyes that you are convencied that they are your soulmate. You start to develop these unlogical feelings of posesiveness every time you see them with another person and you try to keep the same behaviour even if your feelings are not. You wait for a sign as the days go by, while you need to return to your country. You are unsure whether you should express your feelings towards someone you have recently met. You have and want the "perfect life" and this just feels like an obstacle to achieve it. Regardless, on the day before departing, you express your emotions to the other individual and initiate a relationship with them, even if it requires sacrificing some aspects of your life. The other person shares your feelings, but they did not want to stop your development in other aspects of your life such as work or college, that's why they did not declare. You both form a relationship, sometime, long-distance or in-person, and take the time to get to know each other and the cultures you each belong to.

Channelled messages:

Romeo and Juliet

Mamma Mia

GoChi Winter Event 2022 - Day 5

Days [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]

Title: The Lost Photograph Pairing: Goku/Chi-Chi Characters: Goku and Chi-Chi Summary: A lost photograph of Chi-Chi as a child leads to a hot afternoon between her and Goku. Warning: Explicit content. Don’t read it if you’re uncomfortable with it. Otherwise, click to read it. Cross-posted on AO3 and FFN

Chi-Chi looked out the kitchen window with a sad expression. Christmas was a huge and a long awaited day for her, but she didn’t feel excited about it at all. First, she leaned against the doorframe of the completely empty bedroom. She was so used to having her sons around all the time that it seemed so weird when they were away, but Gohan wanted to spend Christmas with Videl and Mr. Satan and Goten wanted to spend it with Trunks and the Briefs. She sighed with a mix of disappointment and sadness and then kept going. She stopped by Misaki’s door and did the same. Misaki was at the phase where she’d follow Goten around all the time, anf Chi-Chi reluctantly let her go to the Capsule Corp as well, since Bulma said she could keep some company to Bulla. Goku also had a big part in convincing her to do it. Only after some minutes of staring at her bedroom, she was able to go downstairs. “Chi-Chi?” Goku’s voice echoed from upstairs and seconds later he stopped by the stairs. Chi-Chi couldn’t help but smile as she drank another sip of her daily warm tea. She had learned long ago how to sense people’s ki with Gohan’s help when Goten was just a baby. “You found me.” “It wasn’t that hard, honestly.” He laughed in an awkward way and took a few steps towards her. “Is everything okay?” “Yeah, everything’s fine.” She paused to bite her lower lip, in an attempt to hold her tears in. “Let me guess, you miss our children.” “Don’t you?” “Of course I do. The house is very empty without them, but it’s also good to have it only for us.” Goku stopped right behind her and ran his hands through her arms. “I know, but it’s Christmas. We were supposed to spend it together like we’ve always been. The five of us.” “Chi-Chi, I think this will be our reality from now on. I mean, Goten and Misaki will be spending a lot of Christmas with us still, but Gohan is going to move out very soon. I thought you’d be happy he’s found a great girlfriend.” “I am.” She turned around and looked into his black eyes. “But part of me still isn’t completely ready to watch him go and form a family on his own so soon. He has so much to accomplish first.” “Who says he won’t? He can be married and still be a successful scientist. I’m sure Videl is going to encourage him, just like you do.” “You’re right.” She held his shirt collar tight. “I know she will be a great wife to him.” “So, since we have the whole house to ourselves today…” Goku looked over his shoulder towards the living room. “Do you have any plans for us?” “As a matter of fact, I do.” Chi-Chi finished drinking her tea and then put her cup inside the sink. “You’re gonna need these strong arms of yours. I think you will like it.” “I’m listening.” He said with genuinely curiosity, but she could easily tell there was something malicious behind it. “This isn’t exactly what I had in mind.” Goku said exasperated when Chi-Chi took them to the forest and handed him an ax. “Well, we’re gonna need your strong arms to cut this pine tree for us.” She placed her hands on her waist. “What did you think about, by the way?” “It doesn’t matter.” He mumbled and held the ax up, getting ready to chop the tree down. “Goku?” “Yeah?” “What did you think about?” “Ah, you know… there are only us in the house, so…” “Ohhh now I see what you mean.” “We just don’t seem to have time alone together anymore.” “This is very much true.” She nodded. “But we’ll have plenty of time for that.” After managing to take the large pine tree inside the house, having lunch and then resting a little, Goku was now at the storage room of their house. He scratched his spiky black hair when he noticed the amount of boxes in the room. “Chi-Chi?” “Yes.” “How am I supposed to know in which box the lights and Christmas decorations are?” “Isn’t it labeled?” “No, there are a few boxes here with nothing written on them.” “Well, then I guess you’ll have to look each one of them.” “Damn it.” He cursed and walked to the nearest box. “Well, looks like we have no choice, so we might as well do it.” After going through two boxes and looking into the third one, the Saiyan found an old photo of his wife as a child. “Chi-Chi, can you come here for a second?” “Is it important? I’m doing some cleaning.” “You might want to see this.” “What is it?” Her voice echoed loud in the room as she walked in. “Goku, you should have opened the window. This room is full of dust, it’s bad for you.” “I’m fine, Chi-Chi. Look at what I found.” “That’s me.” She sat down beside him. “This outfit was so ugly. I feel embarrassed about it now. A princess shouldn’t wear it.” “Aww I think you looked beautiful.” “Really?” “Absolutely.” “I had no idea you kept this photo.” “To be honest, neither did I. But I’m glad I did, because now I can have it framed and put it in our bedroom.” “Hell no, you’re not doing that.” “Wanna bet?” He picked her up and placed her on his lap. “Goku, what are you doing?” “I lied.” “What?” “I think you still look beautiful.” He leaned towards her neck and started kissing it. “G-Goku, we were supposed to have our Christmas tree decorated today.” “I’m sure it can wait a couple of hours or so.” “I suppose you’re right.” She cupped his face with both hands and their lips met in a slow, deep and passionate kiss. “I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but your ability to teleport really comes in handy right now.” Chi-Chi said when she found herself lying on their bed after Goku used the technique he learned when he was in Yardrat. “I’m glad you’re impressed.” He said with a bright grin and wasted no time in laying down on top of her. “Can you say that again?” She touched his cheek softly and let her other arm rest on his back. “Say what?” He followed her suit and the warmth of his palm against her skin made her shiver for a second. He stared at her intensely with a smile on his face. Even though he had asked her, he already knew what she wanted him to repeat. “You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.” Her black eyes darted to his lips and she slowly lifted her hand, tracing their contour with her index finger. There was just something about how she did it that made Goku kiss it when she let it rest at the center of it. Then she wrapped her arm around his neck and brought her other one up and he just knew what to do next, so he bent his head down and they shared their second kiss that afternoon. “You know what I want to do now?” “What?” “I want to be on top this time.” Chi-Chi ran her hand down his neck, to the upper part of his chest. “The past few times you were on top.” “Okay, that seems fair to me.” Goku moved away from her and lay down on the empty side of their bed and placed his hands behind his head as he watched his pretty wife sit on top of him. She bent towards him and kissed his neck while she grabbed his wrists and brought his hands all the way down to the edge of her yellow dress. She teased him for some more minutes before returning to her previous position. Goku slowly started lifting it up and at some point he had to lean forward a little, so he could still take it off her body. He absentmindedly – maybe not so much – licked his lips when her most beautiful bra and part of her breasts came into view. He placed both his hands on her back and pushed himself up towards her, staying only centimeters away from each other. Chi-Chi lifted his chin and leaned in for another kiss; this time it was an urgent and fiery one. Goku’s hands made their way to her bra clip and flung it open very quickly, tossing it away and bringing his hands back to her now fully bare back. She pushed herself forward and he found himself lying on the bed once again. She couldn’t help but let out a moan into their kiss when one of his hands slid under her pants and grabbed her butt quite firmly. Eventually they were forced to break their kiss to breathe. “I think we have an unfair situation here.” “What do you mean?” “You’re still wearing too many clothes while I’m already half naked. That doesn’t seem right to me.” “That’s a really good point.” Goku grabbed the collar of his white T-shirt from the back and pulled it out within seconds, revealing his very well toned chest and abs. “Now it doesn’t seem so unfair, huh?” “No, that actually is quite fair to me.” She ran her hands through his body, feeling every inch of him beneath her fingertips. “I thought so.” He slid his hands to the front part of her body and let them rest at the side of her big round boobs, feeling the soft texture for some seconds. Chi-Chi blinked with surprise; she didn’t remember him taking so long to get his hands full before. “Is everything okay?” “Everything is fine, why?” “It’s just you weren’t this cool when my dress came off these past few times we had sex. You’d come to these…” She pointed to her breasts. “...right away.” “Oh I see what you mean now.” Goku didn’t even bother holding his mischievous smile and sat down, standing close to her. “I thought you’d appreciate some soothing touches.” “I do, but not for long. Today I just prefer more heated touches.” “I can definitely do that as well.” He moved his hand to the bottom of her boobs and held them in his hands, giving them a firm squeeze. “Is that better?” “It is.” Chi-Chi sat a little further up on his body, which made him automatically tilt backwards and lean on his elbows, and made sure they were at the same level as his mouth. “But this is much better.” Then she held onto the head end of the bed behind him and Goku seized the opportunity and involved her left teat with his mouth, sucking it hard. She tightened her grip around and let her head fall, and some of her long black hair slipped over her shoulder and covered her face. Her breathing pace started to quicken and her body started sweating. She could feel her panties get wet when he gently bit her stiffened nipple and let his tongue play around in the area surrounding it. “Forget what I just said. This is so much better.” She mumbled in a low tone. “Yes, like this. Oh this is so good, Kakarotto.” Chi-Chi immediately realized she had said Goku’s real name out of nowhere. She had never – not even once – called him by his birth name, especially while making love to each other. She hoped it wouldn’t turn him off, and was beyond glad it had the opposite effect on him. He was more turned on than seconds ago and hearing her say his Saiyan name caused an immediate slight erection, so he slid his hand under his black boxers and started massaging his dick. “Did you just call me Kakarotto?” Goku released her boob and couldn’t help but laugh a little at the situation, because he wasn’t expecting it at all. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. It just… slipped.” “I don’t think it just slipped.” He brushed a lock of her black hair softly, looking right into her eyes. “Could it be because you are still dreaming about having sex with me as a Saiyan?” “No.” She replied, but she knew damn well he had hit right in the spot and knew he knew it too. “Maybe.” And right in front of her, a pair of blue eyes appeared, as well as bright yellow hair. His hand moved to her cheek and brought her head towards him, immediately colliding into her lips in a very fiery and urgent kiss. She melted over his body when he wrapped his arms around the lower of her back and they both fall back on the bed. Her hips were pressed against his and she could feel his slight erection beneath her and she couldn’t help but smile into their kiss. Her hand moved down between their bodies towards his penis, which she held within her fingers seconds later and caused her husband to release a rather loud moan while they were still kissing. Chi-Chi broke their kiss after a few more minutes and kissed the way down his body, taking her time on his chest and nipples while her hand still worked on his dick. She smiled against his skin while she felt him going even harder within her firm yet gentle grasp and decided it was time to advance things further. “Oh thank Kami!” Goku didn’t bother hiding his excitement when his wife pulled his pants and boxers off, leaving him completely naked on their bed. He watched her reach up his legs and slowly cover his penis with her mouth. His body shivered at the hot sensation her tongue left on it and let out another loud moan watching how focused Chi-Chi was at arousing him the way he liked it. In the process, her panties were getting wetter and wetter each second he reacted to her help in getting him close to cum, so she removed her half soaked panties and pushed two fingers inside herself. “Chi-Chi, I don’t think I can…” He cummed almost at the end of her tongue and she nearly choked with the amount of liquid, but managed to swallow the whole thing down. She finally let go of his dick and crawled all the way back to his face, pressing her body down against his. He placed his hand behind her head and pulled it towards him, giving her a full and deep kiss. She gladly took his tongue into her mouth and it quickly got tangled up with hers. Goku moved his hand down to her pussy and hurriedly shoved three of his fingers inside her. She moaned against him at the intensity he was putting on them. It didn’t take him long to get his fingers sticky with her juices, so he pulled them out at the same time their kiss came to an end and licked them up. They shared a brief intense stare before Chi-Chi spread her legs above him and felt the tip of his penis touching her pussy. She buried her face on his left shoulder and inhaled his inebriating scent when he finally got inside of her hard. Lucky for her, she was already used to having sex with Kakarotto, so she wasn’t that surprised with his strength and the intensity of his thrusts. She could feel his heart pounding beneath her and hearing him panting and moaning turned her even more on. “You’re really going for it tonight, huh?” She managed to whisper in his ear while she held onto his shoulders. “You said you wanted heated touches, so I thought you’d want me to go all the way into it. But I guess not.” “No, I did.” Chi-Chi pulled away from his shoulder and looked into his blue eyes. “I’ve learned how to keep up with Kakarotto’s pace, but you can go back to being Goku and slow down now.” “Alright.” He went back to his brunette form in seconds and wrapped his arms around the lower of her back as the intensity of his thrusts slowed down and he finally pulled his dick out of her. She closed her legs and laid her head on his chest; her fingers making invisible drawings on his body. “We forgot about finding our Christmas decoration after all. I guess we’ll have to stay up late to do it.” “I don’t mind it.” Goku stared at the ceiling with a smile. “A lost picture of you gave me one of the best sex we’ve ever had. What?” He added when she rested her chin on his body and looked at him. “That’s such a cliché statement.” There was a light smile on her face. “You really think so?” “Absolutely. But I don’t mind it. Fun fact: sometimes I like it.” She leaned over and kissed him passionately.

I’ve been seeing a lot of friends posting that one image that says something like “Don’t start making your resolutions for next year without acknowledging the things you’ve accomplished this year first.” That makes sense to me. Can’t know where you’re going unless you know where you’ve been.

2022

At the start of the year, I got pushed out of the job I’d been doing for over a decade. I’d become very comfortable there, despite the abuse. They took away my hours then offered me longer hours at a worse site for less pay. I took it because we didn’t have the savings to make it through if I didn’t, but it spurred me on to new heights of job searching. I eventually took a gamble on a temp position in a totally new to me industry. It was a big increase in pay, assuming I could impress them enough to stay past the initial contract. I was nervous, but I put in the effort. I excelled. My boss and his boss and her boss all fought hard to convince the budget people and in November I got converted to permanent. I was about to say “I’m still at the bottom rung” but that’s not even really true outside of my department. The point is, it’s the first job I’ve had where I could genuinely call it a career. I like the work, I like my coworkers, and I’ve had positive interactions with every layer of management including the CEO.

In May, I drew an orangutan with a sword for one of my internet friends. I hadn’t tried to draw anything more complicated than a stick figure since grade school, but I put in the time and pulled up reference and came out with something that was at least recognizable. I was a little nervous showing it to my friend, because she’s a professional artist, but she was super supportive. The next day I bought my first sketchbook. My wife encouraged me to draw every day if I wanted to get better at it, so I did. There wound up being some gaps, for practical reasons, and now that it’s a habit I take the occasional day off. And you know what? It worked. I’ve filled two sketchbooks, plus half of a travel sketchbook, plus some digital pieces. The drawings I’m producing now aren’t professional quality or anything, but if you put them side by side with the earlier stuff it’s easy to see that practice works.

In August I had my dick cut off. That involved quite a few days of missing out on drawing practice. It had been in the works for over a year by that point. I’m not rolling in cash, so I had to chart a course that would appease our health insurance. Luckily, I live in a place with pretty strict laws about how insurers have to behave with regards to gender affirming care. Also luckily I had started my new job that I could do while lying in bed as long as I had my work laptop and wasn’t taking opiates. I couldn’t do the kind of walking or even sitting upright that my old security job needed for over 2 months, but my mind worked just fine. 

I also made new friends this year. I won’t call you all out, but I think I know who you are.

I made a new personal website as a hub for my online presence because individual social media platforms are so unstable.

I read over my resolutions from last year. None of them had anything to do with any of this stuff. They were: Stay Invested in my new ttrpg campaign; make a new card game or remake one of my existing ones; remember to promote the games I have for sale more often; continue working on my self-photography skills; and treat myself gently. Of those, I only did the photography one. So, let’s bear that in mind as I lay out some goals for next year.

2023

Make a new card game or remake one of the ones I’ve pulled from circulation. Now that I’m doing my own art stuff, it should be easier than ever to make a game. I just have to do it.

Draw more. Keep improving. Specifically, draw more naked ladies than I did in 2022. In 2022 I made 29 drawings of 6 naked ladies (7 if you count the clothed model that I turned into a building sized naked monster), so I’ll need to arrange at least 30 drawings and 8 models. I’ve got 3 already lined up. Got to find at least 5 volunteers to help provide reference. (My DMs are open.)

Sing more. Consider learning an instrument. Not a mouth instrument, one I can do while singing.

This time for real, treat myself gently.

Chapter 4 Part 1

            Levi and I are settling into our new lives together, building our relationship one day at a time. It wasn’t uncommon during this time for me to miss my period. Between the depression and my weight was the reason of what I called my “unreliable spirit week”. So, when I missed two of them, I wasn’t entirely concerned. When the third period time came and went, that started to send up a big red flag. I began to figure out what was about to come to be. My body started to change; I was getting heavier with no changes in my diet. Still, I could not bring myself to buy a pregnancy test. I could bring myself to believe that no matter how hard I tried to not be a young mother, I was about to be. The day I felt something move in my stomach, I knew there was no hiding it anymore. So, here I am 19, the same age my mother was when she for pregnant with me. I am in all aspects becoming my mother that bore me. Whether I was ready or not, I was about to be a mother. My fear began to spiral out of control, I was barely holding our lives together as they were, and now we soon have more responsibility in its way.

            The pregnancy was easy, the delivery not so much. After approximately 14 hours of induced labor, our child was not budging from her warm confines of the womb. When our child and I began to have complications with the progression of labor, we made the decision to have a c-section. That is when I became truly worried for not only my life, but the life of my child. I heard a conversation between my husband Levi and a nurse:

            “If we run into complications in there and we are only able to save one of them, who do you want us to save?”

            “My child, you better save my child first.” He replied. He chose the baby, I didn’t blame him, but it did hurt my feelings. All my fears quickly disappeared when I heard the sweet cries of my beautiful daughter, Jade. She came in screaming, demanding to be heard. All 7 pounds of her, a force to be reckoned with. Everything went successfully, for both Jade and me. The moment I held my daughter in my arms, I knew I loved her. Blond wispy hair, blue eyes, looking as if I had cloned her. A new and improved version of myself. I knew I would do anything to keep her safe. I was going to love, cherish and trust my daughter, giving her everything I did not have in my childhood.

            Being a mother came easier to me than expected. I am glad I learned to fend for myself and care for others at an early age. Jade gave me a sense of strength. She gave me a reason to fight every day. Jade completed everything I couldn’t accomplish before, having a family. All the “new” wore off and my life became a blur. I gave up on attempts to breast feed because I couldn't make it work. My life became a cycle of feeding the baby, burp the baby, change the baby, cook food for Levi, watch the baby sleep, work a full-time job, clean the house, do the laundry and some where find a moment or two to sleep. It was an everyday wash, rinse, repeat. There was not enough time for the adult into the equation. The chaos that was our lives placed strain on my duties in the bedroom, soon creating a rife in my young relationship with Levi. Suddenly nothing I was doing was right, and I fell victim to my first lesson in emotional abuse at the hands of Levi.

            “You are working too much. You spend all your time with my daughter, and none with me. You aren’t feeding her right, you know. Why is she crying, don’t you know what’s wrong with her. Make the crying stop, you really suck at being a mom.” I remember asking myself, I thought we were in this together.

            “Where was all his help?”

            That’s a good question. It was nowhere more elusive than the fabled Chupacabra. His only contribution to our family was getting high and playing video games. No words of encouragement that I was doing anything right. No lending hand given. I was drowning under all the weight of my stressors, under the word-load of loving wife and mother. He couldn’t be bothered with such things as emotional support, a general sense of responsibility, or even a shred of love for his wife. I was trying to be the best I could be for my family. However, it soon became clear that my husband took pride in his ability to make me cry. He enjoyed asserting his dominance over me in every situation. With oppression and exhaustion comes a lack of intimacy. Sexual intercourse with my husband became an after-thought. There just was not enough time in my day. The ridicule of not being a good mother soon turned into belittlement of not bring a faithful wife.

            “You’re cheating on me, aren’t you? You aren’t fucking me, you got to be fucking someone. Give me your phone.”

All Hail No Fail

I'm increasingly coming to the conclusion that I want to completely turn off failure in games.

(To make this explicit right at the beginning: I am talking about my own experiences. Other people have different experiences, desires, priorities, and so on. This is normal and good.)

Consider Rock Band: missing individual notes is technically failure of a sort, but you can keep playing unless you miss too many and fail the song. At that point, you've triggered a binary failure mode which is recognized and punished: to keep going, you now have to restart the song completely. However, you can avoid this by turning on "No Fail" mode. With that mode active, you can still miss individual notes but you can't fail a song and will never get kicked out of one.

That's the kind of "turn off failure" I'm talking about: not a "win" button, but opting out of punished binary failure modes.

I've said before that every game should have a No Fail mode, and now I'm at the point where think I would turn it on in just about every game if I could.

Here's why.

I don't want a sense of accomplishment from a game.

One of the most common reasons people cite for wanting games to have failure modes is how satisfying it can be to come back from repeated defeat and finally overcome a tough challenge. That feeling is real and I've absolutely been into it in the past. But I'm not interested in getting that from games anymore and in fact view it as a trap that would trick me into filling my need for accomplishment through easier but valueless in-game achievement instead of doing harder things with real-world impact.

Not everyone's wired like me. But I've used games in unhealthy ways in the past (and been leery of others) and I am always aware that many games are deliberately designed to encourage these behaviors and that I am not immune to their tactics. And though I know not everyone is vulnerable in the ways I am, I fear that there are people who are vulnerable and don't realize it, because I know that I didn't always recognize my own vulnerability.

A sense of real accomplishment from a game is not a selling point for me. It's a giant red flag. And once that's no longer a motivator, failure modes lose a lot of their appeal as well.

I don't want mastery challenges.

One of the other functions of punished failure modes is to set the scope of challenges, and in particular to turn "learning" challenges into "mastery" challenges by requiring a higher level of consistency and endurance. A player who is still learning how to use their plastic guitar can practice by muddling through a tough Rock Band song on "No Fail" mode; without that mode they cannot beat the song until they have largely mastered their instrument.

As a corollary to wanting to avoid a sense of accomplishment in games, I want to avoid mastery challenges and would rather master real-life skills. I do enjoy learning challenges since I find novel mechanics or applications engaging and fun. I like when a game shows me something clever and new that broadens my mental model of its world and invites me to playfully experiment with it. I am much less interested in being blocked off from the game's other fun surprises until it decides I've done a good enough job with the current one.

If I did play games for a sense of accomplishment, I'd mind this less. After all, this is how a game ensures that players get that experience. But since that's not why I'm playing, this approach just turns a toybox into a series of exams. And since I don't have anything to prove, I find that far less appealing.

Failure messes with tension and pacing.

Another common defense of failure modes is that they mean you have to pay attention and try hard, which can make the gameplay more engaging. The risk of failure and thus punishment creates a pleasing level of tension.

I've written about a few ways this can go wrong when used for the wrong kind of challenge or for people who process tension differently than the designers expected. But the other thing that's always bothered me about this is that it replaces intrinsic tension with extrinsic tension.

I suspect this is also a personal difference thing because I've absolutely heard some people say that the fear of losing in-game progress is a good way to create stakes and make an in-game challenge feel meaningful, but to me it often has the opposite effect. The emotional response it triggers in me is to take me out of the game's world since the failure and punishment are not part of the fiction (Prince of Persia (2008) notwithstanding). The threat of rewinding progress and replaying a level or encounter breaks flow and reminds me that I am playing a video game with no real stakes. Repeating segments of content completely deflates the carefully-placed pacing and emotional cues along the way (especially when you can't skip them).

As a point of comparison: When I'm reading, sometimes my mind wanders and I realize I've basically just skipped a couple sentences. What if when that happened, I was forced to go back two pages instead of just rereading those sentences? And what if this was somehow more likely to happen at the most climactic moments of what I was reading? I'm pretty sure all that careful narrative buildup and immersion would be destroyed immediately.

Failure puts up walls.

Many games have a variety of types of content and challenge, and sometimes players are lured in by some of what the game offers and then find their access to it blocked off by things that they don't care about or actively dislike.

I've written about hypothetical players buying Wandersong for its story and being unable to pass its stealth and platforming challenges and about the lack of No Fail mode in Dragon Age: Inquisition meaning that Allie could be blocked from the story and characters by a combat system (and related systems) that she found unappealing. But it's happened to me, too. Multiple times.

I was drawn to Catherine for the story and its visual novel sections but found myself unable to beat its mechanically-unrelated block-sliding-and-climbing puzzles and only completed the game because a friend did them for me. If I could have turned on a No Fail mode, I'd have been able to finish the game regardless.

I was lured in to Horace by its story and art and enjoyed its very gentle first hour until suddenly it became a demanding precision platformer with tough boss fights. Losing repeatedly to an early boss was frustrating enough that I rage-quit the game. If I could have turned on a No Fail mode, I would have persevered and seen the rest of the story, which is what I did do with Celeste.

I loved CrossCode's characters, story, and themes but found that its other experiences were highly challenging in ways I often found unappealing. These other aspects are not skippable and the game's assist mode does not go all the way to a No Fail option, so I actually rage-quit multiple times before coming back and finishing. It's the most frustrated I have ever been by a game that I ended up beating, and despite the fact that I have to call it a good game overall I kind of hate the idea of ever playing it again.

I'd much rather not risk this kind of thing and just know that I won't need to bash my head against something I don't like to get to the part that I do like. In the absence of No Fail mode (or the ability to create one) that mostly steers me away from games entirely.

Failure punishes playful exploration and experimentation.

One of my ironclad rules of game design is that games should never punish exploration. I don't think that's the intent for most punished failure modes, but it's a common side effect.

In Final Fantasy V Advance, I found an optional dungeon that had level-appropriate battles and treasures but ended in an unmarked difficulty-spike boss fight that totally wrecked me. Game over; I lost all the progress since my last save, which was before I'd gone into the dungeon (there hadn't been a save point within the dungeon). The game taught me that curious exploration might lead to things like sudden boss fights I had no way to anticipate or prepare for and which would result in burning half an hour of my time. I was no longer interested in exploring its world and I stopped playing.

These sorts of scenarios, where an individual challenge can wipe out your progress from earlier challenges, increases the risk of each individual challenge in a way that can suck all the fun out of exploration and experimentation. Finding an optional challenge is exciting and fun if it means an opportunity to play with the toys offered by the game in a new way and increase your skills; I find it much less so if I expect the game to punish me for trying things I'm not yet expert in by destroying unrelated progress and disrupting attempts to learn. It creates a perverse incentive that encourages the player to play it safe rather than engage deeply with the game's systems.

With a No Fail mode in place, I don't have to make these trade-offs. I can freely explore and experiment without doing a risk calculation as to whether playing with this new toy might result in me having to redo several minutes of other progress. I can just have fun.

Lately, when I hit one of these punished binary failure modes in a game, I ask myself, "Did this failure improve my experience of playing this game?" The answer is always, "No; it just got in the way of that experience," for all the reasons above.

I don't want to worry about not being able to enjoy my entertainment product. I want that enjoyment to be as inevitable as it would be for a book or a movie. Dying and resetting to distant checkpoints, running out of lives and getting kicked out of a level, or anything that ends in a "GAME OVER" screen--these are all just time-wasting and flow-destroying interruptions for me.

I'm ready for a No Fail mode in every game.

Bill Skarsgard Alphabet- Your relationship with Bill

Here’s a list from A-Z about what your relationship with Bill would be like.

A list of headcannons of what Bill x reader’s relationship.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Note- If one of the letters is flagged with an asterixis * it means it is slightly suggestive or NSFW. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A- Affection

Bill is actually quite affectionate with you, always preferring to have one arm around you shoulders when sitting on the couch together, holding your hand, quick kisses on the head, cheek and shoulder. Warm hugs from behind, with Bill resting his chin on your head. He likes to reassure himself by being in the comfort of your company, and it always feels so strange when he’s away from you filming on set. He likes to cuddle a lot when he wants to relax and unwind, because Bill is a pretty busy dude so whenever he can get the chance to sit back and rest with you, it’s usually on the bed taking a quick power nap before it’s back to it again.

B- Buying gifts

Bill isn’t really big on receiving big fancy gifts, because really, what would he need them for? You are the same. He does make sure to stop at each place on his press tours and pick out a souvenir to bring home to you. He also likes bringing home little props or souvenirs from set. You still have the little Pennywise teddy he got you sitting over on your desk. The little red pom-pom nose and the orange yarn fluffy hair is so adorable. 

C- Comfort

When you are feeling down or sad, Bill can nearly always pick up on it straight away. He has a way with reading people’s emotions and then employing the method of comfort that would best suit the situation. If you want to talk, he will listen, and if you want to be left alone, he will do that, but not for too long.

He’ll check up on you every so often through the day just to make sure you’re okay. Bill’s warm, gigantic hugs and reassuring kisses always manage to make you feel a bit better. When it’s Bill whose feeling off, you let him talk. Bill isn’t the kind of guy to be able to keep things bottled up for a long period of time because it tends to make him feel tired and weighed down, and that’s not a fun time for either of you. You always listen to him when he vents everything he’s feeling, usually with his head in your lap and you playing with his hair or his hands.

D- Date 

Bill would be a chill, relaxing type of guy when it comes to dates. He knows that you don’t want to be doing something big and exciting every single time, that would be tiring. He loves taking you out for dinner, but he loves making dinner for you and setting up a romantic little dinner date out on the porch or terrace, and surprising you. Often, dates between you two will be completely out of the blue. ‘Hey, want to go somewhere?’ ‘Hey lets go for a picnic by the beach’.

On the days when you guys do feel like doing something more adventurous, the zoo tends to be the fan favourite, and you also like to go skiing, and hiking to see new places and things.

E- Encouragement/Excitement 

You are both very supportive of each other and your professions, so much so that as soon as the other person catches a whiff of success, you are there to celebrate with each other by any means. You and Bill like to hype each other up and get all excited when the other person gets excited, almost as if your happiness is conjoined. You are always excited for Bill’s new projects, and support him through it all the way up until it’s completed and ready for the world to see. 

F- Fighting

Bill likes to avoid conflict, especially if it involves any kind of yelling and screaming at you, someone he loves. He doesn’t believe that yelling helps at all, infact it only makes matters worse, and instead of actually getting the other person to listen to them, it only makes them more mad and they keep on yelling when no one is actually listening. He doesn’t like yelling at you because it feels almost violent, and he doesn’t want to scare you into listening to him. He’s aware of how intimidating he looks when he’s mad. He encourages the both of you to instead sit down and talk about things maturely, talking about how he feels and why he feels that way, and always attentively listening to what you have to say as well. It’s important in the relationship that you have a sense of equality, that both go heard and your opinions both valued. From then on, depending on the severity of the argument, you move on to figure out the best solution to moving past it or around it. 

G- Gestures

Bill is big on friendly, helpful little gestures to remind you that he loves you. You both like to leave little notes in places for each other to find, with quotes or reassurances written on them like ‘You can do this!’ ‘I love you!’ ‘You look amazing today’. It gives you guys a little confidence boost, because sometimes you both need it. In terms of physical gestures, Bill likes to hold your hand a lot of the time when you walk, almost as if you might wander off and get lost if he lets go. He also likes to buy you flowers. If he sees a bunch of flowers in the shop window from the corner of his eye, and he instantly thinks of you, he will buy them for you. You aren’t really sure what use you would have for flowers, but you absolutely admire the sweet gesture.

H- How you sleep

It’s no secret that Bill is a very tall and lanky person. Because of this, sometimes its hard for him to find just the right position to sleep it, however he has learned to adjust and adapt to any position or place to make it feel comfortable. He lays on his back a lot of the time and pulls you close to him, either tucked up beside him with your arm across his torso, or with your head on his chest or heart while he plays with your hair.

You both talk for hours, and will stay up until you fall asleep mid conversation. It’s funny when Bill will be talking, and he goes to ask you a question, and he finds you fast asleep beside him. ‘Seriously? Did you just fall asleep on me? Were you listening to any of that?”

I- Impression

When Bill was first introduced to you, he thought you were so gorgeous and beautiful, with that amazing smile and beautiful eyes. He is a bit nervous at the best of times, but you made him particularly nervous. He always was conscious over the way he spoke to you and how he appealed to you. He’s had a giant crush on you since the day he met you, and knew instantly that if he didn’t do something to make you his, he would never be the same.

Your impression of him was similar. You could not believe such a handsome guy was standing right there talking to you! He made you feel a bit self-conscious, and you couldn’t form a single coherent sentence in your mind without feeling overwhelmingly flushed by him standing next to you, or ‘accidentally’ brushing up against you.

J- Jokes

Are you and Bill a playful or more serious couple?

You two are able to maintain a healthy balance of both playful and serious. You like to tease each other a lot, particularly about the height difference, and Bill’s unholy inhuman tallness. You always joke to him about how secretly Bill must have been born in a zoo to a giraffe and then dropped in Sweden by accident. 

You both know when to be serious though, and understand that not everything can be all fun and games. If someone isn’t feeling great, you can learn to adjust and turn the jokes down to make sure they are okay.

K- Kids

Bill would absolutely love to have kids with you, ideally two, not anywhere near as many as how many his parents had. He wants to be able to spread his fatherly love between children and make time for them both equally, and adore them as much as he adores you. 

L- Love 

What does Bill love the most about you? 

Physically, Bill is in love with two things- your smile and your hair. Both of these things are the two things that he thinks are flawlessly, effortlessly perfect every single time he sees you, even if you wake up in the morning with a serious case of bedhead. But Bill loves everything about you, most of all how supportive you are, and how you are always there for him even if you don’t have to be.

M- Memory/moment

Your favourite memory of you and Bill together is how it felt when he kissed you for the first time. You remember all the tingling feelings, and how excited and nervous you were, but happy that this was finally happening. 

Bill’s favourite memory is when you said yes to going out with him for the first time. He felt so accomplished and happy with himself, like if he could get the girl, he could do anything. He remembers feeling surprised that you said yes, and how scared he was that you would turn him down and tell him you weren’t interested in him in that way. 

*N- Nudes

Usually, if you do send them, it’s when Bill is away in Toronto filming a movie and he’s missing you. You both tend to flirt over text more than you do in real life.

O- Optimist level

You and Bill are both optimistic and realistic. You can see both the good side of things and the bad.

P- Period

When you are on your period, Bill knows instantly that it’s gonna be a pretty crappy time for you, so he tries to make it as least crappy as possible. He has a basket of chocolate reserved just for you on the days when it’s bad, and stays home with you all day cuddling and watching movies. If you are in a significant amount of pain, he will do most practical things for you like house work. He’s very sweet and caring for you, running to the store to get products and shamelessly carrying them. Anything for you, he’s not embarrassed, he knows that it’s a normal thing and it should be normalized for boyfriends to buy their girlfriends products. 

Q- Quality Time- how do you spend it?

You and Bill spend all the time you can possibly get with each other. All the time is quality time with you guys, and Bill makes time to set aside his work or script reading to spend time with you. He’s away for long periods of time, so he wants to make sure that he can spend enough time with you to make up for that, and make sure that you know he loves you.

R- Romantic- how much of a romantic are they?

Oh. Bill is romantic. He especially likes to wine and dine with you, making the whole setting perfect just for you. He manages to make everything romantic, everything he does, and you aren’t sure if he’s doing it on purpose or whether that’s just him as a person.

*S- Sex

You and Bill do it often, but its not seen as something at the top of importance between you. You prefer to spend time talking together and just enjoying each other’s company, rather than getting all physical. That kind of intimacy is done in the bedroom every couple of days or so, or really whenever you feel the need to. It’s important to also note that Bill is very respectful about it, and always makes sure that whatever he does you are comfortable with.

Anywhere outside the privacy of the bedroom for him always feels so awkward, and he likes both of you to be comfortable.

T- Trust

You trust Bill with your life, and he trusts you too. You feel safe opening up to him and telling him things that you normally wouldn’t tell people. You know that he would never cheat on you, and don’t get easily jealous by girls that he kisses or fake hooks up with in movies. You know that this is all staged and it is a part of acting, and always makes sure that Bill knows that it’s okay.

U- Understand

You and Bill understand each other very well. There are of course some things that you don’t get about each other, like why you like certain foods that do not go together, why you believe something, things like that. You think alike in terms of the way you look at life, and how you see the world. You feel like you guys just get each other, y’know?

V- Vulnerability 

Bill is very open with you about how he feels, and you are to him as well. If he’s sad or upset he will tell you and talk about it. He isn’t afraid that crying will make him seem less of a man, and also doesn’t judge you when you cry around him. Bill is a sap and definitely cries in sad scenes of movies. 

W- Wedding- What would your ideal wedding be?

Bill would want it to be fantastic and memorable, as I’m sure everyone would. His family and friends would be there and so would yours. It would be an outdoors wedding beneath the sunshine- provided it doesn’t rain. You would most likely go on a honeymoon to somewhere you have both always wanted to go, and it would be an amazing, relaxing get away.

*X- X-rated

Does Bill have any kinks? 

Most likely no, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t down to try new things with you.

Y- Young and beautiful- how long will you guys last?

As far as Bill is concerned, you will have children, grandchildren, and get old together. You are gorgeous now, and you will always be gorgeous to him. He is big on committing to you, and you are to him. 

Z- Zing!

How much excitement is there in your relationship? 

You guys are always adapting and adjusting to Bill being away and all kinds of things that life might throw at you. It’s pretty exciting dating an actor, isn’t it?

The thrill of secrecy and not getting caught. You often like to make bets on who will be noticed in a crowd first, you or him?

Life is just full of wonders and mystery, and you can’t wait to explore more of those together!

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Note- I am aware that Skarsgard is supposed to be written with an accent on the last A, but I write these lists on my laptop and the keyboard does not have an option for that. 

Thank you for reading! It took me a little while to put this A-Z list together and I would appreciate if you left a like, a comment or whatever you can to help me out. 

Want to request a Bill Skarsgard A-Z list? With your own prompt, and your desired character?

Just click here and you will be taken to the explanation page.

Pure Affections Wrapped Up in a Dark Green Bow (Husband!Pro-Hero!Bakugou x Wife!Reader)

Art credit: @/gaysony on Instagram

Warnings: suggestive themes (there’s one steamy kiss and innuendoes sprinkled throughout), nudity (not sexual), fluff, cursing, injuries, hurt/comfort, soft!domestic!Bakugou and heartwarming present. 

Synopsis: You had been married to Bakugou for a couple years now and you had a special present for him. But when he gets home, it’s clear that he hasn’t had the best day. You’re there, steady and strong for him to lean on for support and he does until he’s capable of standing on his own again. This is what love looks like.

Words: 6k

The door to your flat slammed closed, signaling that your husband was home, and you wiped your grimy hands on your dirt-streaked cargo pants. You grabbed something and jumped on the counter, shoving it in a cabinet before closing it. Double checking to make sure you couldn’t see it, you leaped down, quelling your excitement as you sped out of the kitchen.

But your rapid footsteps faltered when Bakugou came into sight, looking absolutely drained. 

He dropped his duffle bag on the floor without a care and kicked off his shoes, never looking up once. 

“Katsuki?” 

Your soft voice brought him back down to reality and he sighed heavily, gripping the roots of his ash-blond hair in frustration. When he finally glanced up, his garnet eyes were laced with exhaustion. 

But everything melted away the instant he saw you.

Engine oil smudged on your cheeks, Bakugou refrained from snorting at the sight of your muddied cargo pants and stained, white tank top. You sure were a sight for sore eyes even when tinkering with your support items commissioned for big-time heroes like him.

“Hi.” You giggled as he dumped the rest of his stuff to the ground, closing the distance in between you two in three large strides.

You frowned as you noticed a slight limp in his gait but you didn’t get a chance to question it. Bakugou didn’t waste any time, trapping you in his arms and crushing your form to his chest.

He grunted his hello, but his eyes were soft and his smile was fond as he drew back slightly. He might’ve grown since his hot-headed days in high school as you helped him express his emotions but that didn’t mean all his ticks went away.

You just held him as his head plopped on your shoulder, sensing where his distress and aggravation was stemming from.

“Bad day?” You asked sympathetically, looping your arms around his neck so that you could card your fingers through his spiky hair.

He snorted but his fingers tightened from where they were gripping your waist. “Like you wouldn’t fucking believe.”

It was awful. He had gotten called away on a mission only to find out that his people mixed up who he was going up against and had given him skewed intelligence. He would’ve fucked them up for a mistake like that if it wasn’t for that column that landed on his leg and trapped it. He was fortunate that Recovery Girl had made a special trip to see him or else he would still be in the hospital. 

You smiled sympathetically at the bite in his tone and pressed a kiss to his temple in an effort to calm him. “You want to talk about it?”

Bakugou shook his head no. All that could come later, right now, he just wanted to to hold you in his arms. Because when he did, it was like all was right with the world.

You didn’t press the issue. Instead, after coaxing him to stand on his own two feet so that you weren’t dragging his weight around the complex, you led him to your shared bedroom.

“C’mon, bathtime.” You encouraged softly.

Bakugou didn’t fight you as you guided him into the simplistic yet modern bathroom and he lifted his arms up as you tapped his wrists to indicate what you wanted him to do so that you could take his shirt off. 

You turned around so he could strip the rest of the way and started to run the bath. You left the lights off on purpose so that the harshness of it wouldn’t hurt his eyes. Instead, the window provided natural light. 

Adding a couple bath salts and essential oils (even though he claimed he hated the way it smelled) to aid in his relaxation, you adjusted the temperature of the water to chanced a glance back at the man draped over you. Your brow furrowed and a frown pinched the edge of your mouth as he leaned against you more than usual. He was more hurt than he was letting on.

Slinging his heavy arm around your shoulder, you supported him and helped him into the tub. He had already undressed the rest of the way but your brow furrowed as he struggled to lift his left leg. Eventually, you were able to lower him without a problem and you grinned triumphantly at the feat accomplished but it went unnoticed by your husband.

Bakugou frowned tiredly when you didn’t follow him in. 

“Come here.” He rasped, his voice heavy and laced with a burden he didn’t want to voice.

Your expression softened but you shook your head. You were so dirty from working in your workshop. If anything, you needed a shower. He could soak by himself and then come eat dinner when he was ready and up for it.

But Bakugou tugged on your hand, insisting. 

“I don’t give a shit.” He growled lowly. “Get in here, dumbass.”

Shaking your head at his crude language, you squeaked when he yanked you towards him. Your breath caught in your throat as he was now an inch away from your face, his hot exhales mingling with your gasp of surprise. 

“You’re not asking, are you?” You sighed dramatically but smiled to let him know that you were just kidding. “Alright, give me a second.”

As soon as you took your clothes off, you clambered in the bath with him, facing him because you didn’t trust him not to try anything in this state where you were both nude. 

He wrinkled his nose, giving away his displeasure as you stayed an arm’s length away from him but you didn’t care and urged him to scoot forward so that you could start to clean him. 

Bakugou hissed as your nails dragged against his scalp. “Taking a damn bath is fucking dirty.”

“The water gets so fucking disgusting.” He scowled, huffing scornfully when he saw how brown the water was turning already.

You shrugged, focusing on a patch of particularly rough sediment clinging to his chest. 

Bakugou took this moment of peace in time to observe the way your brow furrowed in concentration, how your nose flared and your lips pursed. 

You hardly ever let him watch you at work in the shop, giving him a shitty excuse that he distracted you or some shit.

Fucking lame. 

You were a vision when you were working on things that you were passionate on. He could watch you for hours and never get tired. He actually had, on several occasions, had gotten in trouble with his PR team more than once because he skipped or forgotten about a press conference meant to boost his publicity.

Not that he really needed more. If anything, as a top ten hero, he needed less.

All he wanted was to lay in bed and fall asleep with you in his arms. Was it too much to ask for that of the world? To give him an uneventful night of peace where he wasn’t called away to work, to be able to wake up with you in the morning when the sun rose above the skyline and greet you with breakfast in bed instead of a scrawled note that told you how much he loved and missed you since he couldn’t stick around. 

You never minded. You never complained about the hardships once.

You knew that when you agreed to marry him you knew exactly what you were signing up for. And you never regretted it.

Sure, the days were hard. You had work and friends to keep you more than occupied but at the end of the day, it boiled down to commitment and how much you loved him. That wasn’t to say that waiting was easy, not at all.

Because everyday you had to worry about whether or not he would make it home that night. Whether he was eating properly and getting enough rest. How every time you turned on the news you held your breath as you flicked through the channels, hoping and praying that your husband wouldn’t be on the front of those stories that broadcasted the death of a hero for the whole nation to see. 

But he was worth it. He was worth your unconditional love for him and every single moment of waiting. You would always wait for him because there was no one else you’d rather be with.

Bakugou almost fell asleep in the tub as you bathed him without being prompted. Normally, he's have some kind of irritation flashing through him as he was forced to endure your loving touch that he absolutely did not need. Or treasure.

Or was the only thing he was able to think of when you tended to him with the utmost care.

Fuck.

He had learned fairly early on in your marriage that being vulnerable didn't not constitute the same as being weak in his definition. But it got easier as time passed and he saw that you would be the last person on earth to judge him or think less of him because of his limitations. 

It had taken a while but eventually you broke down those high walls of his, embracing him in the midst of the maze he had built up around his heart to protect himself and kissed the top of his head as he leaned down. 

You got him. All of him. 

There was nowhere else in the world he’d rather be than by your side. 

Bakugou’s head lolled back against the backsplash as your nails scratched against his scalp.

He exhaled deeply. “Fuck, that feels good.” 

You fought back a cheeky smile. You knew him well and all of his weak spots.

Bakugou’s eyes fluttered closed as you continued to clean him. Usually, he would insist you turn around and relax so that he could take care of you but all the energy was sapped out of him. He was lucky he had someone like you to sit here with him after a shitty day, not ask any questions, but just simply be with him. 

You squeaked in surprise when he suddenly brought you in for a hug and you blushed a rosy red when he nuzzled unabashedly into the valley of your breasts.

“Katsuki!!” You exclaimed in shock, your fingers winding in his hair when he didn’t let you go. Your eyes shot open when he tugged you into his lap. He was never this forward and he usually waited a good couple hours to initiate any kind of physical contact after a rough day at work.

Today must have been particularly bad. 

“Thank you.” Bakugou grunted, the voiced appreciation coming out muffled from where he was attached to your chest.

Gaze softening, understanding filled your eyes and you gently kissed the top of his head. “You’re welcome.”

Discreetly, you grabbed the soap to finish his bath, sudsing yourself in the process. Bakugou didn’t complain once as the water turned dark with dirt, even though he was barking about it earlier, simply basking in your presence and breathing you in while you took care of him.

He toweled off first, per your insistence since you still needed to wash your hair.

As soon as you dried off, you gestured for him to hand you the antibiotic so that you could get to work on those cuts of his. He protested the entire time.

“This doesn’t even hurt, why do you have to put a fucking—”

Bakugou broke off with a hiss of pain as you pressed down slightly harder than you needed to in order to emphsize your point.

“Katsuki…” You warned, your eyes blatantly telling him not to fight you on this or else he’d regret it. He got it rather quickly.

“Yeah, yeah,” He mumbled, averting his eyes. “Fine. Do your fucking shit or whatever.”

You weren't thrown off by the indifferent tone in his voice. He needed to know that you weren’t going anywhere. 

He always got agitated anytime he got hurt. It was only natural for someone who grew up thinking they had to be strong all the time.

Gently pressing down on his thigh, you paid special attention to when he winced.

“It’s just bruised.” You threw him a pointed glance, knowing what he was going to deny. “Recovery Girl came by?”

“Yeah.” Bakugou hissed under his breath. “Shitty nerd called her before I could say a damn word.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Well thank goodness for that because everybody knows you would screw that up.”

“Oi.” He growled at your snark. “Not fucking funny.”

You grinned. “Wayyyy funny.”

Your smile faded as you continued to patch him up, inspecting him thoroughly to make sure you hadn’t missed anything. He had a tendency to hide how bad his injuries were and although you could understand why, you didn’t appreciate the times he was literally knocking on death’s door and would die if he didn’t receive medical attention.

Those times, you weren’t all that forgiving.

Gesturing to his leg that he had been favoring since he came home, you arched an eyebrow in silent questioning. 

Bakugou rolled his eyes. “It’s fine.”

You crossed your arms over your chest but didn’t push it. He could still walk on it so it was probably fine. His pride was probably what was hurt more. Either that or the mission had gone bad and he had been too late.

Swallowing harshly, you knew not to cross that line. 

As the two of you exited the bathroom, you left behind the tense atmosphere and relaxed as you stepped back into the living area, making your way to the kitchen with great difficulty as Bakugou peppered kisses to your neck in a wordless thanks for helping him.

And the instant you arrived in the kitchen, you sprang away from him.

“Surprise!!” You shouted excitedly, waving your hands at the simple meal set up at the table. 

There was a single cinnamon and spice candle that sat in the center of the white tablecloth. He never was one for extravagance but you put in a little extra effort today.

At his silence, your arms dropped and you played with your fingers nervously, thinking that he didn’t like it. Or maybe that he found it annoying and just wanted to be left alone and now he would have to eat dinner with you.

You started to ramble as you began to panic. “I-I thought we could do something nice, since it’s your birthday, and I know since the pandemic, things have been really hard on you guys so I thought it would be nice to relax and—”

You cut off with a squeak as he swept you up into his arms and off your feet, burying his face into the crook of your neck. Cheeks flushing bright red, your stammering came to a halt as he let out a shaky exhale against your heated skin.

“Thanks.” 

It came out quieter than his usual volume, taking you by surprise, but you still heard it nonetheless.

You didn’t tease him. Maybe later when he could handle it, but not now. 

Stroking his hair comfortingly, you grounded him in reality before guiding him to sit at the table. He had tried to hide how happy he was from you but he couldn’t. Not one bit.

You knew him too well.

Letting him rest his feet, knowing he must’ve been standing and running around all day to correct mistakes, defeat villains and save people.

You moved to go sit down on the opposite side of the table like you normally everyday at dinnertime but the arm locked around your waist stopped you.

Glancing back quizzically, you yelped as Bakugou pulled you down into his lap, pressing your back flush against his broad chest.

He didn’t say anything, and if you had to guess, you figured that his brow was probably furrowed in annoyance and his mouth was pressed in a thin line at indulging in something as simple as your company and affection, but you could let him have this.

He deserved it after all. 

Twisting around, you planted a gentle kiss to his jaw, raising a hand up to tilt his face down towards you.

“Happy birthday, Katsuki.” You breathed, eyes shining with emotion. 

Two years. It had been two years since he demanded that you marry him. You couldn’t believe it when he asked you. 

Unlike most couples, you two hadn’t dated much at all. Your first date was a home-cooked meal at his apartment that he shared with Kirishima at the time, a day before the wedding. 

Your friends were shocked, to say the least. 

But you two were close. You might not have dated like how many people would classify it, but the two of you knew each other better inside out for most of your lives and was often the first one called whenever there was a villain incident that the other had gotten hurt in. 

Bakugou hadn’t cared that the public knew about you. He had originally wanted to keep it a secret so that you were better off in terms of safety-wise, but you had nothing to hide, telling him to let them try. 

They wouldn’t break you.

Your relationship might’ve seemed rushed to some, frantic and panicked, but it couldn’t be more off from the truth. 

The thing was, you just knew. You knew that if it was going to be anyone, if you could see yourself with one person for the rest of your life, it would be with him. 

No one else even came close. 

But you were still surprised when Bakugou admitted the same, just in fewer words. 

After going through everything, the USJ incident where you had gotten hurt taking a hit from the Nomu for him, the kidnapping where he was ripped away right in front of your eyes, to where he was the one to finally be able to rescue you during a break-in at Heights Alliance, he just knew.

Like you, after risking your lives for each other countless times and finding solace in each other after it was all said and done meant a lot. Meant more than he could put into words. 

You squeaked as the arms around you tightened out of the blue, concern filling your gaze as you leaned back into his chest. 

“Are you okay?” You asked softly, your small hands covering his on your waist as you sank into his embrace, tilting your head up so that you could see him clearly.

Bakugou’s vermilion eyes snapped towards you as he was broken out of his reminiscing. He grunted in your direction, internally wincing at how short he was being with you even if you didn’t even seem to mind. 

His wistful smile transformed into a full-blown smirk as you grabbed a piece of korean barbeque off of his plate and popped it in your mouth. 

Bakugou’s breath tickled your ear as he leaned forward and his low voice, though rough with exhaustion, held a touch of amusement. “I saw that, dumbass.” 

You blinked up innocently at him, kicking your feet childishly and he shook his head, pinching your side in retaliation. You jumped and smacked his chest, blushing deeply as a chuckle reverbated against your back. 

“Katsuki!!”

“Fucking dumbass.” He muttered into your hair, unconsciously catching a whiff of the coconut and pineapple shampoo you used. You smelled even sweeter than usual, it was dulling his senses. But he was not complaining. 

You smiled to yourself, snuggling into his warmth. It was quiet moments like this when there was nothing else but the company of him surrounding you and the ambiance of a safe place that you loved the most.

Heart at ease, you were surprised to hear that his heartbeat matched yours. 

Your teeth worried into your bottom lip cheekily and before he could tease you any further, you redirected his attention to his mostly untouched plate, insisting that he eat.

Bakugou was generally pretty good about staying on top of meals and eating healthy to balance out all the exercise he got working as a hero, but lately things had hit him hard and he had been slacking off more than usual.

You were quick to catch it before it got too bad though. 

Bakugou’s eyes shimmered with a hint of unspoken emotion. He was so lucky to have you.

Moving to get up so that you could get your food from across the table, you gasped as his arms squeezed around your midsection, preventing you from leaving.

“Don’t leave.” Bakugou muttered, his brow furrowed as a hint of a pout appeared on his face. 

You giggled softly at his childish antics. “I’ll be right back.”

He could be so clingy sometimes, not that you were complaining. You were just as bad. There was something about being in his embrace and letting him hold you that made you feel safe, made you feel like you were at home.

Although it was rare and far in between, he did occasionally let you cuddle him. It had taken a while into your marriage for his walls to come crumbling down, but once they did, you never once made fun of him for what he needed or asked for. 

Pouting when your beloved husband didn’t let you free, you blinked up at him with doe eyes.

You wiggled in his lap when he still didn’t release you. “Katsuki—”

“No.” He growled stubbornly. 

You sighed, trying to appear as disheartened as possible. “But I’m hungry.”

“You can eat my fucking food, dumbass.” Bakugou huffed.

Folding your arms over your chest stubbornly, you frowned. He wasn’t going to eat the food you made? Even after going all day without eating his meals?

Oh hell no. 

You squirmed in his lap, now trying to pry his unyielding grip off so that you could reach your own plate that was probably cold by now on the other side of the table. 

“Katsuki, please?” You pleaded and his frown faltered.

Why did you have to be so damn cute? It wasn’t fair.

While he was distracted, you swiped your plate from across the table and settled back into his lap cheekily, sighing contentedly as he was left in a stunned silence.

“Oi, what the fuck?”

You giggled, waving your chopsticks at him. “What the matter, Katsuki? Cat got your tongue?”

He glared at you but it faded as you laughed harder and he found a small smile lifting up the edges of his mouth.

Dinner consisted of light banter back and forth as he stuffed the food you had made in his mouth, begrudgingly admitting that it tasted good when you eagerly asked.

He tapped your hip to get you to stop squirming once you finished eating but you retorted that he was taking too long. 

He needed to finish, you had something to give him. 

Bakugou arched an eyebrow and purposefully went slower until you smacked his arm with an indignant cry at his audacity. He barked out a laugh, his chest shaking as you pushed out your bottom lip at him childishly.

“Fucking brat.” He muttered fondly and you beamed at the soft tone he took on.

“You love me~” You sang, pecking his cheek.

“Go die.” He hissed, attitude back faster than you could blink.

You insisted that he finish his meal before you revealed what you were holding back from him. 

Bakugou wasn’t going to admit that the curiosity was eating away at him as you dangled the unknown of his head like something to be played with and he was almost ashamed at how he quickened his pace.

Almost.

He didn’t react when you clambered off of his lap but his eyes widened when you climbed on top of the counter.

Chair scraping back and crashing to the tiled floor with how abruptly he stood up, he was by your side in a split second.

“Fuck— You’re going to fucking fall!!!” He cursed violently, chest heaving as he panted hard.

You giggled lightly, leafing through the spices you kept on the top shelf in order to find what you were looking for. “Relax, Katsuki, I’m fine.”

You started keeping them all on the very top after he dumped an entire bottle of chili pepper into your dinner one night. You were not amused at the shit-eating grin on his face that came from getting his fix of spicy food.

After that, it was only salt and pepper from then on, much to his dismay.

Bakugou didn’t look at all reassured by your words and he was strongly thinking about climbing up there with you just so he could catch you if you lost your balance when you squealed joyfully and hopped back down.

Thank fuck. You were going to give him a heart attack one day. 

After you ushered him to sit back down, you presented the culprit as to what your dodgy behavior was all about.

Bakugou’s vermilion eyes widened when you proudly handed him a carefully wrapped gift box. The pattern on the paper was simple and you didn’t go overboard with decorating it, settling for a small bow on top. 

He appreciated it. 

Even though to the untrained eye it looked like you hadn’t spent much effort, he knew that it was in fact the very opposite. He could see where you had meticulously folded the paper so that it laid flat and didn’t crease or wrinkle. The dark green bow vaguely reminded him of Deku, but more of the time when you said you loved the green in his hero costume because of how much it contrasted against his eyes. 

Your words, not his.

He couldn’t fucking care less about the color except for the fact that you said you liked it. That stuck with him more than he would’ve liked to admit. 

Bakugou’s hand shook slightly as he accepted the gift. “You weren’t supposed to get me anything, brat.”

You only rolled your eyes humorously, planting your hands on your hips. “Oh please, like I’m not going to get you something for your birthday.”

You may have had a habit of going all out for things like his birthday and holidays and he hated it because he never knew what to do with those warm, fuzzy feelings you left him with, giving him those wide smiles of yours that lit up the room as though he had created the universe and blinked up at him with your bright, loving doe eyes that melted his heart.

So instead, his competitive spirit spurred on to compensate for the lack of emotional capacity he had to deal with all of these unwanted feelings. 

It frustrated and flattered you to no end.

“You better fucking remember this when yours comes around then, dumbass.” Bakugou smirked, shooting you a sharp look when your jaw dropped. He would return the favor and go overboard when yours came around.

You blinked. The nerve he had. He knew you two were trying to save up funds so that you would have a stable foundation when you were ready to have kids. “W-Wait, Katsu—”

“Too late.” He rejected flatly, his eyes twinkling with a touch of amusement as he dodged your attempts to take back the present. 

His present. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Bakugou snapped as you lost your balance and crashed face-first into his chest while trying to get it back.

You floundered for a second, trying to get your bearings but your husband was too fast and beat you to it. He set the box down in flash in order to catch you.

Hooking your legs around his waist so that you didn’t fall again, his palm splayed against your lower back, teasing with the hem of your shirt before it dipped underneath. 

You jolted as his warm hand came in contact with your chilly skin and you shivered. 

Bakugou’s eyes narrowed accusingly at you. “You’re cold.”

Blushing, you tried to hide only for him to be one step ahead of you and yank your wrists away from your face. 

“Fucking idiot.” He muttered to himself and you giggled, bouncing excitedly in his lap now that your life was no longer in danger from falling ungracefully off of a chair. 

“Open it, open it, open it!!” You chanted over and over again, tugging at his arm enthusiastically. 

Bakugou grimaced at your volume. “Stop fucking yelling in my ear, you shitty woman.”

But he froze and his whole body tensed the second he opened the lid. 

You blinked at him nervously, brushing back your hair anxiously as you waited for him to say something. Unable to wait as the silence stretched on, you pointed out each one of the items sitting in the container to explain what they were so he didn’t just think you gave him a pile of junk as a gag gift. 

“They’re specialized compression arm bands for when you’re out in the field to help reduce the muscle strain but they won’t be affected by your quirk, you’d have to try really hard to destroy them and even then—”

“Thank you.”

You stopped your nervous rambling and blinked up at him in shock. Was that genuine gratitude you detected in his voice without the usual mask of nonchalance?

You giggled, almost not believing your ears. He didn’t even bother disguising it. “Wow, the world must really be ending.”

“Shut the fuck up and die.” Bakugou hissed.

Ah, there it was. 

You grinned widely. “You really like it?”

“Course, you shitty woman.” He glowered, slipping them on to try it out. 

Bakugou remembered telling you about the strain overusing his quirk caused on his arms but when push came to shove, he didn’t care if he destroyed his body when it came to saving the day. But that was years ago. 

Back when you had first met and he had blown you up during a training session. Literally. The burns landed you in Recovery Girl’s office and after that, he had walked in to begrudgingly apologize but you just looked up at him with that same kind face that greeted him everyday and asked him if it always hurt to use his quirk for such huge blasts.

You weren’t even offended by the fact that he had hurt you. It was true that he didn’t ever hold back against opponents, even when training, but even he admitted that he might’ve gone too hard.

Maybe.

But to think you not only remembered it but also worked through that pretty brain of yours to come up with a solution like this. 

All the support tech in the world didn’t have a material that could withstand his nitroglycerin when he ignited it. 

You were incredible.

Bounding up to your feet eagerly, you didn’t give him any time to throw a tantrum that you had detached yourself from him as you begged for him to try them out. 

“Hah?” He glowered. “You want me to use my quirk indoors?”

But he raised his hands anyway. You were always the one to enforce the rule of him not using his explosion inside, since it was destructive even with his fine control over it. You must’ve been really excited to see him try it out.

His palms popped with sparks at first and he raised an eyebrow as a cooling sensation kicked in automatically. Slowly, he built up his power until he fired a controlled AP cannon that shattered the vase from across the room. 

You cheered and clapped your hands gleefully at how well it worked. It had changed blue when it activated, signaling that the cooling agent was doing its job.

Flexing his hands, Bakugou noticed how his arms weren't as sore as they normally were. 

He took them off and turned it over in his hands, examining it closely. “How did you do it?”

You went on a rant, enthusiasm taking over every inch of your being as you eagerly explained how you created the material, a hybrid of some sort of elastic that could withstand high heats woven in with a cooling agent to soothe his muscles when they were overworked. The threads that made up the compression bands were fireproofed down to their molecular level, an expensive process but possible with the right amount of funds, along with a ton of time and patience.

All of which you had as you spent a huge chunk on the money you had saved up for this.

Your husband’s expression softened into something that vaguely resembled fondness as your eyes shone with excitement over your newest piece of tech. Specially made just for him. 

Fuck, he was whipped.

Bakugou buried his face into your chest and you yelped in surprise, tugging his hair to pry him off of your body but he just groaned and stubbornly refused to move.

“Katuski!!” You protested, your hands shooting to the arms that were wrapped around your torso and pressing you close to him. “I’m dirty!!”

A blatant lie since you had bathed with him but you were desperate. This would inevitably end up in the bed if you didn’t push him off you right now. 

You had been working in the shop all day to finish these up, just able to wrap the specialized compression sleeves in time before he came home. And because all of your clothes were currently being washed since there was an accident in your workshop a few days ago, you had to throw on your dirty tank top and cargo pants after scrubbing it as best as you could; and it was not the most appealing or flattering on your body. 

It was clear your husband thought otherwise though.

“Don’t care.” Bakugou grumbled into your chest, his meaty hands going down to cup your butt.

You smacked his chest, telling him off, squeaking when he retaliated by squeezing your ass firmly. Rolling your eyes at the cheeky smirk on his face, you kissed his nose softly and his expression crumbled away to the softness that you knew had always lurked behind his guard.

“Happy birthday, Katsuki…” You whispered, a millimeter away from his lips. “I love you.”

You hadn’t even finished your declaration before his hand was snaking around the back of your neck, closing the distance in one go and crushing your mouth to his. 

You whined as he dominated your mouth, his tongue demanding entrance. You decided to play with him a bit and kept your lips pursed. He growled at your disobedience and you shifted giddily in his lap, yelping when he nipped your bottom lip. 

He groaned against your mouth as you ground your pelvis into his.

Bakugou thought this was going to go somewhere with how much you were teasing him but to his frustration, you climbed off of him, panting hard to catch your breath.

You winked. He knew that glint in your eyes. 

“Catch me if you can!!” You shouted over your shoulder as you sprinted towards the living room and took refuge behind the couch. 

“What the fuck….” He muttered under his breath, shaking his head at your childish antics as you raced out of view. 

He stomped into the living room. 

“Oi, get out from behind there, dumbass.” He growled.

When you didn’t reply, he rolled his eyes and tapped his foot impatiently. 

“I know you’re there, shitty woman.” “He drawled. “I can see your fucking foot.”

Your indignant squeak made the corner of his mouth twitch in amusement but the look was quickly wiped off of his face as a foam bullet whizzed past his ear. You had just declared war.

A wide smirk spread across Bakugou’s face at the invitation of a challenge and forgoing his shirt, he sank low to the ground. He didn’t even bother to take one of the other guns where they were stored. He was going to beat you in hand to hand so easily it was going to be embarrassing.

“Just remember when you fucking lose,” He started, cracking his knuckles loudly. “Don’t come crying, dumbass.”

“I don’t cry— Hey!! That’s cheating!!”

Your confident reply broke out into a whine halfway through your sentence as Bakugou leaped over the couch and tackled you to the floor, pushing the gun away so you couldn’t shoot at him anymore.

“You’re such a fucking child.” He snorted, stealing a kiss from you before you could say anything.

“But you love me anyways~” You sang, repeating your declaration from earlier as you booped his nose softly.

Bakugou huffed indifferently, a proud smirk stretching across his face as his true feelings won over. 

“Damn right I do.”

alright so I know literally no one cares about this but it’s my social media I’m doing what I want /lh

I’ve been seeing a lot of slander about justin russo on the internet lately and I’m currently hyperfixated on wizards of waverly place so here’s why justin is an awesome character/doesn’t deserve the hate he gets

He’s kind and treats those he loves well. Justin is canonically really good at comforting people. Although he argues with Alex a lot, at the end of the day, he’s also her older brother and genuinely cares about her. When Professor Crumbs threatens to take Alex’s magic away because she doesn’t turn her report card in, Justin says that Crumbs will also have to take his magic away. Justin is ultimately selfless. We see again and again the sacrifices he makes for Alex and I think we mainly see his kindness in that relationship. Despite that, I think he’s also notably kind to Juliet. When he finds out that he made the mistake of reporting Juliet and her parents, he instantly tries to fix it. Not only does he try to fix it, but he puts his job as Monster Hunter in jeopardy for Juliet and her parents - her parents haven’t even been that nice to him. Justin is ultimately selfless and at the end of the day, he sacrifices himself or what he wants for others. When Rosie turns back into a good angel, instead of selfishly continuing to date her and keeping her in the mortal world (which he could have done - she literally offers to stay with him), he gives her up because he realizes the world needs a guardian angel more than he needs a girlfriend. Even though it hurts because he loved her, he gives her up. There’s no “award” for doing this - he won’t move up a level in the wizard competition, he really won’t get any recognition for giving Rosie up. He doesn’t even get any recognition for turning the moral compass back to good. He does it because it’s the right thing to do. Although later I’ll argue that Justin is constantly seeking validation, I also think that the heroic/good things he does are often done with no expectation of being praised for it. He does them because he has a strong sense of morals. He’s also kind to Harper, Zeke, his parents, and even Max, who people rarely ever show kindness to in the show.

He’s in touch with his emotions. When the show starts, Justin is very against anything that will show him as feminine or emotional. In fact, he even says he’s allergic to emotions (or something like that) to cover for the fact that he’s crying over his missing dog. As the show goes on, we see Justin start to embrace and accept his emotions more and to lose touch with his toxic masculinity. I think dating Juliet changed him in a lot of ways (making him more relaxed, etc), and I think one was encouraging him to be more emotional. After Wizards vs. Vampires, Justin is pretty emotional and open about his emotions in the show. He’s even open with talking about them. In the movie, he opens up to Alex about how he feels like Jerry & Theresa wouldn’t love him as much if he were less “perfect,” which brings me to my next point.

At the end of the day, Justin is a sad character. I know it’s a kid’s show but they really do cover a lot of issues so bear w me. I’m hyperfixated and I like to over analyze shows so I’ve thought about this a lot. Justin is the oldest, which means he already deals with pressure to be perfect. Then, add in the fact that his parents are constantly describing him as the “perfect child” and putting him on a pedestal, while pitting the kids against each other as a result of the wizard culture bc of the family competition (I love Jerry & Theresa but they’re not perfect). He’s also a high achiever and we know he puts extreme pressure on himself to do well - they always make a joke about it but it’s actually quite sad. He literally feels poorly about himself when he gets a B and bases his entire self worth on his grades and skills as a wizard. In fact, in the movie he voices doubt about whether or not he’s good at anything other than magic. I have a few things I want to say about all of this. First of all, I think Justin is constantly seeking validation. I think as the oldest and “best” child, he feels the need to be perfect all the time, but he also does many of the things he does because he just wants validation. When Harper decides to run a marathon, Justin does too, and sadly his accomplishment of finishing it is overshadowed by Harper “winning.” I also think Justin feels threatened by the success of others because he thinks it invalidates his. When he opens up to Alex in the movie, he says that he’s jealous of her because it seems like everything comes naturally to her. Justin feels as if his parents loving his siblings takes away from their love from his. It’s irrational, but very real. Which brings me to my next point - Justin has generalized anxiety disorder. It makes sense - the overthinking, the outbursts he has (Alex refers to it as a conniption once) of panic or frustration, the overachieving, etc. As someone who probably has autism, I also think he’s autistic (which would explain his troubles with tone, struggle making friends, obsessions with things like Captain Jim Bob Sherwood and science, being better w robots than people, and so much more).

Ultimately, Justin has a strong moral backbone. Although he’s a stickler for the rules and this oftentimes leads him to do bad things initially, he always does the right thing in the end. For example, when Justin and Alex go to court and Justin duplicates himself to be his lawyer, his lawyer ultimately proves that Justin is guilty; he even says something along the lines of “We’re Justin Russo. We always do what’s moral and just.” Justin has a strong sense of justice (which could also be from being autistic but I could do a whole other post about neurodivergency coding in WOWP and Disney & Nick shows overall bc there’s a ton of coding) and does what he thinks is right, most of the time. Sure, sometimes he does bad things, but he’s also a teenager at the end of the day and he’s highly competitive.

Finally, Justin Russo is super progressive - in fact, he’s probably the most progressive characters of the show. He acknowledges climate change and actively tries to create a solution for it. In fact, for his science fair project he makes a water powered engine, which would reduce carbon emissions. He also wears a shirt at one point that says “Make art not war.” I will admit that his biases against the werewolf he dated were problematic, but he clearly grew from that because he never held any of that against Mason. He’s also into science and is a nerd and although this is a stereotype, most young people who are into science and are nerds are progressive. I’m pretty sure he also is well aware of current events and would probably read the newspaper. Also I myself headcanon Justin as trans and bi (again could make another post about characters in wowp that are queer)

Little note even tho probably no one will see this - this is all just for fun. If you disagree with anything I said, just say it politely hahsh. Also please don’t make fun of me for this WOWP is a huge hyperfixation and comfort thing for me rn and I just wanted to make a silly little post where I analyze one of my comfort characters. Also I kin Justin so pls don’t like hate on him in the comments.

7/25 - Ushijima x Fem!Reader

Requested by: @ushidoux

Location: Arcade

Warnings: thigh riding, praise

Word count: 684

You smile as Toshi misses another one of the pucks as it slides into the goal of the air hockey table, he groans and rolls his eyes as he retrieves it from the cup below. You let the striker glide across the table as he does. Clearly, he isn’t used to losing to you.

“Something wrong?” You try to not sound so happy, but how could you not?

“Shut up and get ready,” he says rather starkly.

He sends it flying across the table, it bounces off the wall and onto the floor.

“Seriously?” You roll your eyes and shake your head, going to pick it up off the floor of the arcade.

The arcade is very authentic to the image you create in your mind when you think of an arcade from the 80s. The carpet is black with neon shapes and planets across it, lighting up in the black and neon lights across the room. So many games you’ve never even heard of line the walls with others playing them like it’s life or death.

You weren’t too sure if Wakatoshi would enjoy this place, never really seeing him do much more than practice volleyball, play volleyball, and of course, spend time watching volleyball. He keeps a rather strict schedule, other than the time you spent together. He planned fancy dates usually or something cute and simple at home in the short time you’ve been dating. When you suggested it he was extremely receptive. Now seeing him laugh and roll his eyes while you kick his ass in air hockey, you think this will become a stable in your date night ideas.

“This is a stupid game anyway, there’s no real skill in it,” Toshi mumbles under his breath while he wraps his arm around your shoulder. “I’d like to see you come play with me sometime.”

“Just say you’re sad you lost and move on,” you giggle, kissing his cheek as you rise up on the tip of your toes. “Although, you look awfully cute when you’re irritated you lost. I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“I never lose, that’s why,” he rolls his eyes again and you bite your tongue from any snide comments. He’s told you about several games he’s lost, professionally and dating all the way back to high school, which you found silly. He focuses way too much on his faults instead of all his amazing accomplishments.

“What do you want to do next?” You ask, noticing you’ve played about everything possible for two players.

“How about we go for a drive instead?”

“Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun.”

--

You were right in a sense. It’s absolutely fun driving out to a beautiful outlook on the city, plenty of tree coverage to give you both privacy in his car. No one is around to watch as Toshi holds your hips and makes you grind against his bare thigh again.

“Please,” you beg, your voice breaking into a high-pitched whine.

Your clit throbs as it grinds on his muscle, your thighs shaking around his. He smiles, looking at you as you roll your head back and moan again.

“Please what, baby?” He asks, his voice so soft, despite the way he's treating your cunt on his thigh.

“This isn’t fair,” you whine again.

“You said I could have anything I wanted since I lost to you, this is what I want. Cum on my thigh alone, and then I might let you ride me.” He chuckles after speaking, clearly enjoying the desperate face you make in response.

“Toshi,” his name comes out breathier than you expected, his fingers digging in your hips as you moan.

“I know you can do it, baby, come on.” He moves his hands around to the small of your back. Leaning forward and pulling your chest flush to his, his lips just touching yours. “Cum on my thigh.”

You roll your hips once more, the praise encouraging you as you finally cum on his thigh.

“That’s my sweet girl,” he smiles against your lips, pulling you into a deep kiss.

Dancing with your Ghost - Fushiguro Megumi

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist 

Warnings: Deals with death, Megumi has various breakdowns, it’s just really sad over all... sorry for making you cry in advance! 

Words: 4.9k

Author’s Note: Kind of inspired by this song: Dancing with your Ghost - Sasha Sloan // Also, when they dance, I kinda imagined them to dance to this: Technicolour Beat - Oh Wonder 

“Is he still in there?” Yuji pointed at the door by the end of the hallway. Gojo was walking in his direction, his expression unreadable.  

“No matter what I tell him, he won’t come out.” His voice sounded tired, almost worn out. The sight must’ve been hard for him to bear. Itadori gulped. He wasn’t sure if he could take it. “You should try talking to him. Maybe he will listen to you. We both know he would regret it if he missed the ceremony.” Gojo patted Yuji on the shoulder, hand lingering for a few additional seconds in silent comfort.

“I’ll try my best,” Itadori nodded, though, he sounded more hopeful than he was. This was going to be rough.

Soon after, Gojo disappeared behind the corner and out of sight. His shoulders were slouching and his head was hanging low as if he couldn’t walk upright. This was hard on everyone. But the person who had it the worst of all was…

“Fushiguro, can I come in?” Yuji knocked on the door three times. No answer. He tried again. This time more forceful. “Hey, Megumi! It’s me, Yuji! Do you mind if I come in?” Still no answer. Itadori sighed, but he pushed the door open anyways, peering into the dimly lit library of the Jujutsu Tech High school. Admittedly, he’s never been in here before. Yuji wasn’t really the non-fiction reader… or anything that wasn’t manga, really. But upon entering the room, he couldn’t help but gawk. The shelves were stacked to the max, piling up above his head in a seemingly endless supply of books. There were books everywhere. The amount of knowledge that was stored in here was immense. And all about curses and jujutsu? Incredible! Maybe he should’ve come here sooner. He bet that there had to be at least a dozen books about Sukuna here somewhere.

“It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense.” Itadori was pulled out of his thoughts by the repetitive mantra that was coming from somewhere behind a shelf. He followed the sound that was mingled with quiet sobs and he had to force himself to keep walking. This was more terrifying than facing all the curses of this world together.

“Megumi?” He peered around the shelf, finding his friend sitting on the old wooden floor, frantically flipping through a book with yellowed pages that seemed to be falling apart at the seams. It must’ve been ancient.

“No sense, no sense, no sense,” he repeated over and over again as if that phrase was the only thing keeping him sane.

“Megumi?” Itadori tried again and finally Megumi’s head snapped up and he looked at Itadori like a deer caught in headlights… only way worse. His eyes were bloodshot with dark purple circles underneath them. A stark contrast to his sickly pale skin. Briefly, Yuji wondered if Megumi had slept at all since it happened. Tears were streaming down his face and it felt like they would never stop. An endless river of sorrow and despair. Yuji was sure he heard his own heart shatter in his chest as he looked at his best friend. He wished he could take some of the pain away. Even if it was just a little, but of course that was impossible. “The ceremony will start soon and-“

“That’s stupid!” Fushiguro cut him off harshly, his voice hoarse and quieter than usual. “Why would there be a freaking ceremony when she’s coming back?!”

“Megumi, she-“

“No! Stop it!” He yelled, throwing the book he was reading against the opposite wall. “Stop it! Shut up!” He pressed his palms against his temples as if he wanted to crush his own skull. “I’ll do it, you’ll see! All of you! You’ll see! I’ll bring her back! I’ll bring her back, okay?! I will – I will!” He repeated it over and over again and it was apparent that he wanted to proof himself right more than anything else. Maybe making him believe would help ease his pain? Should he encourage him? No. Despite wishing that he could provide some words of comfort right now, Itadori knew that false hope would be the cruelest thing he could offer. No matter how much it hurt, but Megumi couldn’t go on like this… searching for something that wasn’t real.

“Megumi, please. You’ll regret it if you don’t come,” Itadori tried again, picking up the book that Megumi had thrown away. He flipped through the first pages and he could already tell that the answers Megumi was searching for weren’t in this book. It was mostly about how sorcerers could reincarnate as curses if their dead bodies weren’t handled properly. If they died you had to make sure that the last hit was infused with cursed energy. Usually, that took care of things. However, if they died of natural causes, diseases or accidents there was a special ritual, a ceremony that made sure their bodies were put to rest accordingly. Kind of like a funeral, but then again, not quite. This was the ceremony Fushiguro refused to attend, even though it was highly valued among sorcerers. It was a way to pay your last respects, value their accomplishments and thank them for their sacrifice. He probably refused to go because that would make her death final and he would be forced to move on, no matter how hard it would be… and it was going to be very hard.

“SHE’S COMING BACK, DAMMIT!” Megumi yelled at him, reaching for another book that was stocked in a pile he’d built himself. The tower crumbled with the way he yanked it out, dozen books falling to the ground, scattering to their feet. It was eerily quiet for a second, Yuji didn’t dare to speak. The atmosphere so thick, he doubted even Maki’s demon blade could cut through it. And then, right when he wanted to say something, anything really to get rid of the suffocating silence in the room, Megumi started sobbing. Not like before. Impossibly, it was even worse. His whole body shook with the action, hands that were clinging onto the book were trembling and despite him hanging his head low, Yuji could see the frequent tears that were hitting the old worn out pages of the book, blurring the ink further, making it almost unreadable.

Hesitantly, he took a step forward, but he wasn’t quite sure what to do. Should he hug him? What could he even say? Should he call for someone? Gojo-sensei? Would he know what to do? Or Nobara? Or, wait! Y/N always knew what to do when it came to him… Oh, right…

Yuji slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. How could he forget?! It really didn’t feel real yet, huh? Itadori tried to swallow the big lump in his throat as he crouched down and gently took the book out of Fushiguro’s shaking hands. He looked so fragile, as if a single slap to the wrist could break his arm.

“I just don’t get it,” Megumi whispered. His voice sounded far away, as if he was underwater or as if Yuji had cotton in his ears, muffling his voice to a point where it was almost incomprehensible. “It’s just so unfair.”

Yuji placed the book on the ground beside him, skipping over the title “Resurrection and the balance of the world”, it read. He gulped again. Could it be possible?

“I know it is.” He laid a comforting hand on his shoulder and another muffled cry escaped Megumi’s mouth. Yuji had seen a lot over the course of just one year, but not once has he witnessed such utter despair. The sight pulled on his heart strings in ways he couldn’t even explain.

“She fought against the most heinous creatures every day and you’re telling me she died because some fucking asshole thought it was a good idea to drive while being absolutely shit faced?!” Some of his words were swallowed by his sobs, but Itadori understood him well enough. “I refuse to believe that! I refuse to accept that!”

Momentarily Itadori was thrown back to the moment they got the call, he remembered it all too vividly. The shock, the confusion and his scream…

“I’m sorry for your loss,” the nurse led them into the room. The air was chilly and it smelled like disinfectant.  The stench so unbelievably strong, Megumi thought he might throw up. It burned in his eyes and nose and he distantly felt his cheeks getting wet. He couldn’t tell if it was because of the smell or of what was to come… at this point, it still felt like a sick joke, some twisted game or prank. Just not real, like a dream, a nightmare he would wake up from any second.

There was a single bed in the middle of the room, the body underneath covered by a white cloth. Gojo, Nobara and Yuji gathered around it, hands clutched together in front of them as if they were silently praying. Megumi hesitated. He stood in the doorframe, looking at the scene in front of him and nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Everyone was crying. Even Gojo seemed more tense than usual and he was sure he saw a stray tear slip from underneath his sunglasses.

The room was silent, except for the door falling shut behind him as the nurse left them to mourn in peace. This was a dream, right? A nightmare? How could it be anything else?

Megumi’s footsteps echoed off the walls as he hesitantly approached the bed covered in white sheets.

This is just a dream. This is a nightmare. You’re going to wake up any second now. Just wake up. Wake up! Wake up, dammit!

But he didn’t wake up. Not even as he reached for the white cloth. And he didn’t wake up as he slowly lifted it up. He didn’t wake up when everyone sucked in a sharp breath. And he didn’t wake up as Nobara’s knees buckled and she fell to the ground sobbing. He didn’t wake up as he laid his eyes on your peaceful but lifeless face.

Megumi didn’t wake up. But God did he wish he did.

He stood there for what felt like an eternity. Studying your features. How your hair was softly flowing on the pillow, how your lips were slightly parted as if you would wake up at any given moment and tell him something important. But he also noticed that your cheeks lacked their signature pinkish tint and your lips were more blue than their usual vibrant red.

His hand inched closer to your face, connecting to your cheeks and adoringly caressing it. It was cold underneath his touch. Your skin feeling more like wax than it felt alive.

No one said anything, the only sound was Nobara’s quiet sobs that she tried to stiffle to the best of her abilities. Everyone watched Megumi and no one knew what to do. Neither of them has ever felt so helpless. Even Gojo was rendered speechless at the heartbreaking sight in front of him.

And then, everything slowly started to sink in…

She’s gone.  She’s gone. She’s really gone! You’re not waking up! Why aren’t you waking up?! Wake up!! No, no, no. This can’t happen. This can’t happen. This isn’t happening! Tell me this isn’t happening?!

Didn’t I just talk to her this morning? Didn’t we talk about going to the beach as soon as it got warmer? Didn’t we make dinner plans? Didn’t she boast about a new recipe she wanted to try? Didn’t this just happen? And you’re telling me that all of that is just… gone? Just like that? In a moments notice… poof?! Evaporated into thin air? You’re telling me that?

“Wake up, dammit! Wake up, dammit! WAKE UP!”

Everyone stared helplessly at Fushiguro. At first no one knew if he was talking to himself or you, but then he started desperately shaking your shoulders, repeating the words over and over again. “We wanted to go to the beach, remember? You told me you couldn’t wait! Come back, and I’ll drive us right now! Come back! Come back to me, please! Please!”

Gojo couldn’t bear the sight anymore. The way he shook your body as if that would change anything. With a few long strides he closed the distance between him and Megumi and pulled him away from the bed. He was thrashing at him, screaming in his face to let him go, but Gojo didn’t listen. He gladly took a hit or two if that meant Fushiguro could get at least some of his frustration out of his body. To Gojo, the room itself was a hard place to be in – for obvious reasons. The energy here made him feel uneasy and on edge. The amount of cursed energy gushing out of Megumi was immense and almost unbearable. He had to get his emotions in check or else…

Megumi continued to yell and thrash. “Let me go, you bastard! Let me go! I need to see her! I need to see her!”

“I understand that this is hard for you, but you need to calm down!” Gojo’s voice was stern. This was probably the first time ever that he actually put on the façade of a responsible adult. Nobara and Yuji watched the two with wide eyes, but didn’t interfere otherwise. “If you keep this up, you might end up cursing her! Do you want that?!”

“Let me go! Let me go!” Megumi wasn’t listening.

“Megumi, snap out of it!” Gojo’s palm connected to Megumi’s cheek, his flesh burning hot where it had connected. For a moment, the room was silent again. Only Megumi’s labored breaths broke through the thick tension.

“You bastard!” Megumi launched himself at Gojo with all his strength, but that was exactly what Gojo intended. It was better if he directed all his energy towards him than having it leak out of him uncontrollably. Otherwise he had the potential of manifesting a new special grade curse that neither one of them wanted to deal with, especially if you were to be reborn as said curse.

Megumi stopped his relentless attacks, knees buckling under his weight as a single agony filled screamed echoed off the walls…

Megumi slowly opened his eyes. His head was aching, blood soaring in his ears. What happened? He looked around himself. The room was dark, only illuminated by the moon light that peered through his partially closed blinds. He was laying in his bed, the room a mess just like he remembered. That was unlike him. Well, ever since that day he hasn’t been himself at all. Now, he more or less felt like an empty shell, existing but not alive.

He groaned, sitting up while he rubbed his temples, hoping to get the relentless throbbing to stop. Ah, that’s right. A few flashes of the previous events reminded him of what had happened. Megumi’s frustration and anger had gotten the best of him and he started throwing books, ripping them out of their shelves and even tearing some of them apart when he couldn’t find the answers he was looking for. Yuji had to call for Gojo and he in turn had knocked him unconscious.  

Megumi huffed. Great. Now he was probably not permitted to go to the library again. He should really start thinking before lashing out like this. No, matter, though. If push comes to shove he’d find a way in and if it’s the last thing he did. He didn’t really care anymore anyways. What’s the worst that could happen? Expulsion? That was nothing.

He peeled the covers back, his shirt sticking to his body uncomfortably. Maybe he should take a shower before he went back again.

Reluctantly, he got up and walked towards his bathroom, mindful not to trip on anything that was scattered on his floor.

Once he was there, he turned the shower faucet on, letting the water heat up while he stripped out of his clothes. His head was still killing him and his whole body ached. He shivered, even as he got into the shower and the hot water burned his skin. He was still cold. For some reason he didn’t seem to be able to get warm anymore, as if you took all of his warmth with you, when you left him.

“Ew, stop doing that,” you laughed wholeheartedly as Megumi shook his wet hair in your face after coming out of the shower. “Seriously, are you a dog?”

“No, but I love hearing you laugh.” Megumi wrapped his arms around you, pressing your back against his naked chest as you both watched your reflection in the mirror. “I really love you, Y/N. So much,” he whispered in your ear, not taking his eyes off the mirror. He could see the faint blush on your cheeks and he placed a soft kiss to the nape of your neck to emphasize his words.

“I love you, too.” The smile on your lips and the way your eyes sparkled with joy, filled his heart with warmth and light. He could bask in it for all eternity and he would never get tired of it.

Megumi turned the water off, still shivering. It was to no use. His skin was burning red, though, and the whole room was filled with steam and yet, he had goosebumps all over his body. His teeth started clattering as he dried himself and he put on new clothes.

The clock on his bedside table told him that it was three in the morning. He felt like he forgot about something… something important. What was it again?

And then his eyes widened in shock. No, no, no.

“Hey, look!” Megumi felt your slender fingers wrap around his wrist, your warmth immediately warming his cold skin. You tugged him gently and he followed you. It didn’t take long for you to reach your desired destination and you stopped, eyes shining with awe in them as you watched over the city, lights sparkling and illuminating the darkness. Megumi couldn’t deny that the view was breathtaking, but he couldn’t keep his eyes from constantly looking at you instead. The way your face lit up, the way the lights danced on your face and how your cheeks were always tinted in their usual pinkish color, made him fall for you all over again. His heart hammered in his chest and his pulse picked up. Butterflies assaulting his stomach in the best way imaginable and he felt like he was floating above ground. Never has he felt so happy. “There! It’s starting!” You beamed at him as the first flash of light painted the night sky in a bright blue color, then it changed to red and then green. The sound of other fireworks being set off rang through the otherwise silent night. Here, on top of the mountain away from anyone, it was the most peaceful place he could imagine. But he wasn’t sure if it was only because of the view and the fact that no one was around or if it was because you were here. Whatever it was, he didn’t dream to fight it. The feeling so foreign yet so welcomed.

Suddenly your hand appeared in his line of vision and he didn’t hesitate to take it. What he didn’t expect was you starting to spin around. It took him a moment to catch up. “C’mon, Megumi, what are you doing? Don’t just stand there so stiffly! Dance with me!” You urged him on and Megumi felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. He could only hope that you couldn’t see it.

“There’s no music, though,” he said, trying to find an excuse to not make a complete fool out of himself. You see, Megumi wasn’t a dancer. Give him a choreographed fighting formation and he could do that no problem, but moving his feet to the rhythm of a song? Nope. That was sure to end in him tripping over his own feet and in the worst case break his leg or arm.

You rolled your eyes at him, but instead of saying anything, you reached into your back pocket to get a hold of your phone. It didn’t take long and the sound of the fireworks was mixed with the soft tune of a song that he didn’t know. “Better?”

Well, not really… Megumi scratched the back of his head, unsure. Better to come clean, I guess. “You see… I can’t really dance… like at all,” Megumi stammered.

“So what? I can’t dance either,” you laughed, spinning around and jumping up and down like it was the most normal thing to do. The smile on your face never faltered and you did another spin, throwing your hands up in the air, moving them around awkwardly. Megumi couldn’t help but laugh at your awkward movements. You looked so silly, it was hilarious. “See? Now it’s only fair that you make a fool out of yourself, too. You can’t leave me hanging like this!”

What the hell, right? Megumi started moving his feet, still super stiffly and anything but graceful, but he did it. He looked at you, following your movements and it didn’t take him long to get the hang of it… well, somewhat at least. He still looked really awkward and helpless, so you reached both your hands out for him again and he grabbed them without hesitation, just like before. You started spinning both of you in circles, giggling at the way his face lit up slightly. He joined your laughter, looking at you with the most adoring smile in the world. It felt… so easy. Everything with you felt so easy.

So now it was just the both of you, spinning around in fast circles, laughing at the night sky filled with stars while in the distance the sound of fireworks slowly died down. The music playing softly in the background, but you didn’t even care that the rhythm of the song didn’t match with your movements at all. Nothing mattered in that moment. Just the two of you. Together. Forever.

“Ah, I was wondering when you’d show up.” Gojo scratched the back of his neck, smiling apologetically. “Maybe I was a bit too rough, when I knocked you out. Sorry about that.”

Megumi stared at him sitting in the front row of lined up chairs. The room was only dimly lit by the candles at the other end. The soft light they cast illuminated a picture of you in a black frame. It was the same one he had saved as his phone background. Megumi gulped, feet moving on their own as he approached Gojo, though, he felt his knees wobble unsteadily. The air became thicker and thicker with every other step he took. It felt excruciatingly hard to breathe. It was suffocating.

Megumi sat down on a chair next to Gojo, forcing himself to tear his eyes off the framed picture in front of him. If he didn’t he was afraid he might break down again. So he shifted his attention to the man in the chair next to him. He was already looking at him, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses, as usual. There was a slight frown in his features, though, and his mouth was pressed into a thin line, a stark contrast to his normally giddy self. So Gojo could be serious, huh? Who would’ve thought? Bet you would’ve loved to see him like that…

“Megumi,” Gojo broke the silence first, his tone soft, but there was a certain sternness behind it that Megumi didn’t know he had until now. It left no room for interpretation. This was going to be a serious talk and Fushiguro didn’t know if he was ready for that yet. “I know that losing someone you care about is not easy and I’m not trying to pretend that I know exactly what you’re going through right now, but I’m telling you as your sensei and as a friend… you have to move on. And that means you have to stop looking for ways to bring her back.”

Megumi opened his mouth to tell him off, but Gojo just held a finger up to show him he wasn’t done yet. The crease between Megumi’s brows deepened, but he kept his mouth shut regardless. “The world works under a few distinct principles. Rules that cannot be broken, if you will. Like we know that after the sun sets, dawn will come. With darkness, there is light and no matter how harsh a winter might be, spring will always come next. And the pinnacle of those rules will always be that with life there comes death. We don’t get to choose when this’ll be or how it’ll happen, but from the moment we’re born we know without a doubt that we’ll have to leave this place at some point. Death is certain. It’s but one part of life and disrupting that cycle, breaking one of the unbreakable rules, would cause the whole system to fall apart. It would level the ground for mayhem and destruction, nothing would make sense anymore. The world would crumble. As sorcerers you know that we protect the ones who cannot protect themselves, but we also maintain balance and Megumi… while I do understand your desire to see her again, I have to warn you… even if there is a chance, I won’t let you do it at the expense of everyone else’s life.”

Silence fell between them again. Megumi had a hard time believing that these words really just came out of Gojo’s mouth. Deep down, he knew he was right. He knew it was a futile plan to bring you back. It was selfish and irresponsible, but he was so… desperate. So desperate to hear your voice again, so desperate to listen to you laugh or complain, so desperate to feel your delicate and warm touch on his cold skin. He was so desperate for these things; he couldn’t think straight. His mind felt foreign to him without you there. He didn’t know who he was, who he would be without you by his side. He didn’t know if he wanted to be in this world anymore with his source of warmth and comfort gone. They said, time healed all wounds but as of now that seemed impossible. Just a thing people told themselves to keep moving forward. A lie that was supposed to protect oneself from the cruel and harsh truth that the world didn’t stop spinning, that time passed by and that dawn always came… no matter what. The world moved forward regardless if you were here or not and it felt like a cruel joke to him. Nothing seemed the same. He didn’t recognize anything, looking at the world with different eyes. How could there be a world without you in it? Why was everyone moving forward while he was left behind? And how could they? How could they move on? Why didn’t the world stop spinning? It should. Because nothing felt right. Nothing was the same. And yet… that only held true for him.

Megumi wiped away his silent tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “But I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” he croaked out. It was the first thing that came to his mind. He replayed the morning with you over and over again and he couldn’t remember if he said goodbye to you when you left that fateful day. Did he? Did he not? In any case, he would’ve never thought how final of a farewell it would’ve been in the end. “I don’t even remember the last thing I said to her,” he sobbed.

He felt beyond guilty for not being able to recall it clearly. Did he say ‘I love you’? Did you say it back? He wanted to believe he did, but he just wasn’t sure and it drove him insane.

“She knew that you loved her very much, Megumi. I’m sure she knew until the very end.” Gojo patted his shoulder a few times, before he got up. “Take all the time you need.” He left the room, closing the door behind him, but not before he turned around one last time, looking at Megumi with worried eyes. “But remember, Megumi… You have to move on eventually, no matter how hard it is. For her sake and your own… Just know that you have people in your life that you can rely on any time, okay?”

Megumi nodded and Gojo let the door fall shut behind him. The silence that ensued was almost deafening. Finally, Megumi let his tears fall freely, sobbing like a child and sucking in air after shallow breaths.

Everything hurt with you gone. How could he ever move on? How could he ever love again? Megumi was scared he might break in half. How much pain could someone even bear? Though, deep down he knew that he didn’t have a choice… He had to try. And he would try his hardest to keep moving forward, holding on to that tiny glimpse of hope that one day he’d see you again. And when he did, he swore to himself to never stop telling you how much he loved you. Always and forever.

Trigger Warning: Healing is painful, but there’s so much light on the other side if we’re strong enough to walk through the dark.

My hope in sharing my story is to help anyone who reads it find peace or healing, just as I always aim with my fiction. If it feels right to you to do so, I encourage you to reblog this. It is highly personal, but I choose to share it publicly.

************

This past Sunday, I received an email responding to my desire to withdraw from a fic fest. Instead of the simple “You have been removed from the fest” that I’d been expecting through an official channel from mods to a participant, this is the response I received. Please be aware, the following is painful.

***

We've removed you from the fest and will mark you down as not being welcome to participate in future fests. We show a great deal of compassion toward our writers, which is why we send reminders, answer any and all questions, and provide extensions when requested. There's a reason why our fest has one of the highest numbers of fics of any fest/challenge in the fandom - it's because we support our participating writers and do everything possible to assist them as they complete their fics.

However, once a writer has repeatedly failed to communicate and missed both a deadline and an extended deadline, it's clear that they do not have any respect for the fest, the mods, our time, or our own unique situations, as we don't have endless extra hours to track down participants in a fic fest. Several reminders on three different platforms, an extension, and requests for writers to simply let us know if they need more time does not demonstrate a lack of compassion in any capacity. We also showed a great deal of compassion by welcoming you with open arms into the [redacted] after you insulted the fest, insulted [redacted] fics, and made writers uncomfortable last year after signing up to beta their fics, all while pretending to support and uplift writers in the fandom just as you did in your email here.

Have a great week!

- [redacted] Mods

***

This email arrived right at the end of the night, just as I was lying down to sleep. I couldn’t read it all the way through. It elicited a trauma response in me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I felt sick to my stomach.

I went into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. My first response was to freeze. In order to escape the barrage of pain bombarding me, I simply dissociated and disconnected from my body. It allowed me to sleep, but barely. I deleted the email in a desperate attempt to pretend it didn’t exist.

The pain caught up with me twenty-four hours later. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs shrunk in around my heart. My whole body locked up. I couldn’t move. I knew that if I spoke, even to say ‘hello’ to someone, I’d start crying.

The moment I was alone in my room the tears came. The pain came, bursting through me. I sobbed uncontrollably, curled into myself on my bed, begging for the pain to stop, begging for a miracle, screaming internally for relief and to understand what I’d done to deserve this because I didn’t have the air for more than broken whispers.

I fell asleep whispering ‘I need a miracle’ over and over. The mantra blocked out all the disgusting thoughts that wanted to keep swirling through my head. This is it. This is the final proof that you don’t belong here. You never have. You never will. Run away, M. It’s over. You tried, you failed. You always do. You always will.

I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

Grief is intense. These are the moments where we don’t think we’ll survive what we’re feeling. My love, whoever you are, if you are reading this, hear from me. The agony passed. I needed to feel that agony, to allow it to move through me and to give myself the space to feel it. Without diving off the deep end into what hurts, I wouldn’t have been able to find the inner peace to keep healing, to start to understand.

The residual pain is still there, even as I write this post. But it no longer overwhelms my senses. And by Tuesday morning, I’d been given insight into what was happening.

I experienced a trauma response because it mirrored mistreatment I first received in childhood from family and classmates alike and continued into my adult life. In full view of others, it was acknowledged as cruel even by my mother, who struggles with her own guilt because she never stood up for me. No one did.

So I internalized the mistreatment. I must deserve it if everyone else around me is ok with me being singled out like this? At first I spoke up for myself. But in the end I stopped speaking up for myself too. I had never healed this pain and here it was, coming back around again, forcing me to face it, to heal it once and for all.

I still do not know what exactly I may have said to cause these accusations that you see in the email. **I do not and will not deny them.** Even if my words were taken in a way I did not consciously intend, to deny that I said anything that caused someone else pain is to deny my own power AND to deny that everyone’s emotions are valid and worth digging into.

I have the power to inflict pain, just as I have the power to spread and share love and joy.

Whatever I said came from a place of pain, of believing I did not belong in this community. That I am not good enough or worthy enough to be here. A series of unfortunate but necessary events when I first entered this fandom completely disintegrated my core beliefs in my abilities as a writer, something I have always kept so close to my heart, and my belief that I had a place in this fandom.

I expect, as I look into my past patterns, that what I did was try to logic why I wasn’t allowed to belong. At the time, this fest was the only subset of the fandom I knew, I was so brand new. So I looked through all the prompts in the fest. I brought a scientific method view to answering the question: “What is it about the fics people write in this fandom am I unable/incapable of doing?”

This process allowed me to generalize everything I saw that I perceived as ‘I can’t do that, this is why I don’t belong here’. Consumed in my own doubt that I could measure up and write something worth reading, I dropped from the fest last year too. If I can’t contribute writing that’s worth reading, I could at least stick with what I do best, which is helping others be their best selves. I had signed up to beta, and I chose to cling to the only grasp of belonging I had, which was through beta’ing. I ended up beta’ing four fics last year for the fest. And, of course, each of them were (and still are) incredible fics. At the time, it was further proof to me of exactly what I can’t accomplish.

In all likelihood, these generalizations, stemming from a place of pain and jealousy because I wanted to write good fics too, came out in a personal conversation with someone, which they translated as a personal attack. It is valid. Whoever you are, your emotions are valid. It does not matter how I meant whatever I said, pain is what you felt. This person did not feel comfortable sharing that pain with me, so instead they turned to others and shared. My moment of vulnerability and pain then spread more pain.

Pain only comes from pain.

The response was to shadow ban me. In fact, I was never meant to find out about any of this. The pain this person shared was simply taken at face value and that was that.

So on my end, this decision showed up in the physical world this way: Suddenly all my asks went unanswered, people I tagged to share snippets and last lines and get to know more through ‘about me’ posts or who had once talked to me through DMs simply stopped speaking to me in a way that is only noticeable to the person being ignored. I thought I was going crazy. But there it was, right in front of me: absolute proof that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of this fandom.

Is anyone else beginning to see the cycle of pain?

I expect I continued this cycle right back, because the pain turned to bitterness. I’d been doing everything I could to support every author the best way I knew how, and this was what I got? The exact opposite?

I found out about this shadow ban and actual blocking around June of this year. An ask sent in by a friend for me, inquiring why I couldn’t reblog a post that’d been sent to me by someone else, finally gave me the answer that I’d been banned for the accusations you saw above.

Horrified, hurt, and unable to comprehend any of this except to know that I support every author no matter what they write, I sent an apology to the mods, trying to end this cycle the best I could without knowing any of the details of what had happened. There was nothing more I could do.

They thanked me for the apology, though as you can see from the email, it was never accepted. I do not say that as a judgement call, but simply as a statement of what happened. Everyone is entitled to accept or not accept in their own time and their own ways.

I have been healing so much since everything that occurred last year. And the more I dig in to this cycle, the more my heart goes out to the drafters of this email, to the person I hurt with my words who then turned to share it out of context with others, and to the people who shadow banned me in connection with this situation.

We attract to us what resonates with us. Like attracts like. Which means just as I’ve attracted the greatest friends to me, I have also attracted this pain, and conversely, these mods and that person attracted me to them.

Deep down, on some level we share the same core wounds. And the person who can really understand just how painful those wounds can be is someone who feels them too.

So this is my message to the mods of the above email, to those who have shadow banned me and want nothing to do with me, and to the original person I hurt with my words:

I am sorry for my part in this pain. I am sorry for causing pain and I apologize for it. You are loved. You are enough. You are doing a fantastic job. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt is valid. I don’t know what occurred that hurt you before I entered the fandom, but after finding out from others that an email like the one you sent above is ‘Oh that’s just how they are’ tells me something else happened to hurt you before I even arrived.

Your hurt then is valid too. Allow yourself to feel it and process it. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that hurt and fear of it happening again or believing that that’s how everyone is push away from you people who in fact love just what you love. If someone has a different belief from yours, don’t let it invalidate what is true for you. Believing internalized lies about myself only caused me pain. And we spread and create what we believe to be true, whether we consciously realize it or not.

So here, now, is my truth:

I choose to perpetuate love. I choose to spread love. I choose to understand my pain and the pain of others, to transmute it, and to heal it, instead of passing that pain on.

I choose compassion. Compassion for myself in making these mistakes, and compassion for those who have hurt me. I do not condone the email that was sent to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I choose to focus beneath the visceral anger and lashing out, to focus on the agony beneath the words, and stop this cycle of pain.

I choose to belong in this fandom. I choose to support every author in this fandom and ensure no one ever feels not good enough. I choose to own my past mistakes and learn from them.

I choose trust. To trust that those who I truly hope will see this, will see it. I have no expectations of responses or outcomes or reactions. My only hope is that whoever will benefit from seeing this post will see it.

This is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, just or unjust. It is a situation of two parties in pain, triggered by the same triggers.

Looking back on that email, I’ve come to realize that half of the pain I felt when I received it was not my own. I felt the pain of the attack, sure, but I also felt the immense pain beneath those words. And I wish I could hug you. I acknowledge your pain and I acknowledge how painful it is because I know that pain myself. I also know that this pain isn’t you and it isn’t who you are.

So I choose to remember the mods I first met around this same time last year in this same email chain. Mods who were so kind and offered advice to a brand new writer even when she sent an email that had nothing to do with the fest and was still struggling to find her place in the fandom. I choose to remember how beautiful that kindness felt. I choose to remember how I was so grateful for that kindness that I shared my gratitude for these same mods in an email with with another fandom friend at the time. I am still grateful for you.

You are so loved. You are loved for being exactly who you are. This fandom is built upon love. A shared love of five incredibly talented lads who have brought so much joy and light when each and every one of us has needed it the most. Shine your light through the dark and believe with all your heart that you are not alone. You have support. I support you. Shine on. Don’t let anyone dim it.

tears and kisses

ateez 9th member.

when jiyu and sunwoo are given the chance to make up with one another.

the way i sort of got carried away but hehe it’s okay 🥺

➴ taglist: @banhmi07, @jiyeons-closet, @jaeminpeachy, @mochibabycakes, @euphoriamingi, @marsophilia, @goddessofdestructionbeast, @studioreader, @dkdlwhs12

➴ masterlist

"Wait, this is a horrible idea, Eric.”

“No it’s not, calm down Sunwoo. You look like you’re about to puke,” Eric rolled his eyes at his friend’s dramatics.  

“Because I am!” Sunwoo whisper-shouted as to not distract their manager who was currently driving them. 

A week had passed with no signs of reconciliation between Jiyu and Sunwoo. Which meant a week of Eric and the other boys dealing with a sulking and brooding Sunwoo who scrambled for his phone at every notification that he received. Even during the live broadcast for Kingdom, his members could tell how much he wanted to approach Jiyu, but his hesitance held him back. 

Eventually, he decided enough was enough for the sake of not only Jiyu and Sunwoo, but for the sanity of everyone else who so desperately wanted the two to make up. 

“Alright guys, we have a plan!” Eric and Haknyeon suddenly declared in the middle of their dorm living room. 

“What plan?” Hyunjae asked before a lightbulb went off in his head. “Oh, for our brooding rapper over there?”

Eric nodded. “Precisely.”

Sunwoo rolled his eyes, yet he couldn’t ignore the small spark of hope that ignited in his chest. He had been wracking his brain all day for the past week on how to apologize to Jiyu, but he was afraid she was still angry with him despite her small smiles and encouragement towards him during the recent Kingdom live broadcast. 

“I texted Wooyoung, and he said everyone else was willing to help us. Without Jiyu’s knowledge of course.”

“What if she’s still angry at me?” Sunwoo groaned, burying his head into his hands. The closer they were to arriving at KQ, Sunwoo felt the stress and anxiousness weighing down on him even more. 

Eric stifled his chuckles. According to Wooyoung, Jiyu worried about the exact same thing, which was the main reason why neither of them were able to make the first move to reconcile. “Wooyoung told us Jiyu wasn’t angry anymore. He said she was feeling regretful if anything.

And he was right. Despite Jiyu’s attempts to try and act like her normal, everyone could tell her mind was elsewhere with the amount of spacing out she’s done.

The recent offline fansign they had was the hardest for her, having adorable comments about Sunwoo being thrown at her so often. All she could do was smile as a response, even if all she wanted to do was break down and cry. The boys all took turns looking out for her, and they felt a pang of guilt whenever they overheard an ATINY talk to her about Sunwoo.

But what could they do? Nothing. Jiyu had told them numerous times that she didn’t want to raise any suspicions, and that she didn’t want to bring the mood down since it was their first time seeing ATINY in person after a whole year.

The boys hated seeing her so lifeless and saddened when they didn’t have any schedules, so when Wooyoung received a text from Haknyeon asking for their cooperation in getting the two together again, he wasted no time informing the others (minus Jiyu) and gaining their approval.

“So what choreography are we learning today?” Jiyu asked, plopping down onto the floor while waiting for Wooyoung to choose a song on the practice room monitor.

Every so often on their free days, the two would take the time to learn another group’s dance together for fun and to keep their dance skills sharp. Not that Jiyu minded; dance was an escape for her, and she could really use a dance session at the moment to clear her head. 

Wooyoung knew that, so he used the dance session as a way to try and lift her spirits, as well as a way to keep her in the room so she didn’t bump into Sunwoo prematurely.

“I’ll teach you Don’t Call Me! I need a buddy to dance with and we can record it to show ATINY later,” he answered, peeking at his phone every so often to keep an eye out for a text from one of the others to let him know when Sunwoo would arrive.

[hongjoong] is everything okay so far?

[wooyoung] yep! she’s still with me in the dance room :)

[san] great! now let’s all pray the two of them make up soon...i don’t like seeing baby monster so sad :(

[yeosang] yeah, it’s weird when she’s all frowning and not her usual bubbly self

[hongjoong] i know, it’s weird not having her voice resonate through the dorm everyday...

[hongjoong] anyways, we’ll direct sunwoo to practice studio 2, so send jiyu there too when we text you again later

“Who are you texting?”

Wooyoung felt his heart stop the moment he looked up and saw that she was about to peer over and read the text messages. Turning off his phone, his mind was scrambling for a valid excuse. 

“Nothing, San just started spamming me with messages again,” he chuckled, letting out a discreet sigh of relief when she believed him. “Come one, let’s start!”

Jiyu’s ability to quickly pick up choreography was both a blessing and a curse. This was one of the rare times where Wooyoung found it a curse. She was able to learn the first verse all in ten minutes, and Wooyoung only learned up to the end of first chorus to teach her. At this rate, they were most likely going to finish before Sunwoo even arrived.

“Okay, let’s take a break? I’m sure your body still hurts from practicing for Kingdom.” Wooyoung said, trying to mask how frantic he was. Luckily, she agreed, sliding down the wall and resting her head in his shoulder before letting out a sigh.

“Feeling okay?” he asked, patting her head.

“If I’m being honest, not really. I just...miss him,” she quietly admitted, her chest tightening as various emotions began to overtake her mind. She never talked to any of the boys about how she was really feeling, not wanting to burden them with her personal problem. While she was extremely grateful that they tried everything within their power to cheer her up, she didn’t want them to feel obligated to stick with her every second of the day just to make sure she was okay. 

Wooyoung bit his lip. He felt a sense of guilt for not being able to tell her that Sunwoo was on his way over as they spoke. “Do you want to talk to him?” 

Jiyu touched her now-empty wrist, missing the weight of the bracelet that she had thoughtlessly left behind at Sunwoo’s studio. “I won’t lie, I do want to talk to him again...but does he want to talk to me is the real question.”

Before he could reply, he heard his phone’s ringtone go off—his cue to send Jiyu to meet Sunwoo. His heart started to pound in anticipation for the moment they’ve all been waiting for. Fishing out his phone from his jacket pocket, he couldn’t stop the small smile that spread across his face, a smile that didn’t go unnoticed by Jiyu.

“San again?” she giggled, completely unaware of who and what was waiting for her just down and around the corner of the hall.

“No, uh, Seonghwa hyung wanted to do a VLIVE, but the wifi connection’s acting up again. Can you run over to practice studio 2 and help him out?” he asked, mentally apologizing to Seonghwa for hinting that he was an old man for not knowing how to fix a simple wifi connection (when in reality, he most likely knew how).

He must’ve been blessed with luck for the day because Jiyu agreed without hesitation or suspicion, mumbling about how she swore she showed him how to reset it a few weeks ago. 

A few minutes after she left, the practice room door opened and the others, along with Eric, quietly filed into the room to join Wooyoung in anxiously waiting for the outcome of their little plan. 

“Mission accomplished!” Yunho whisper shouted with a little grin. 

“We can’t say that yet. Not until we know if they made up or not,” Seonghwa reminded. Deep down, he was worried for Jiyu. Should the outcome be one that they weren’t hoping for, he knew Jiyu would be strong, accept the results, and push through. But how would she really feel deep down?

It was a mutual concern of their’s. They knew Jiyu would never want to worry them, they knew she’d just keep how she really felt to herself if things went downhill, so they really hoped with all their heart that everything would turn out alright for her. She couldn’t lose another person she loved, it wouldn’t be fair for her.

While the boys were waiting in the practice room, Jiyu made her way down to the studio. It was odd, Seonghwa never mentioned anything about a VLIVE today, but given how often she’s spaced out the past few days, she wouldn’t be surprised if his notification went in one ear and out the other.

“Seonghwa? I thought I showed you how to reset the wifi—”

The words died in her throat when she opened the door and instead of seeing Seonghwa, she saw the one person she’s been missing like crazy. She was convinced it was a hallucination that her mind had conjured, or that she was dreaming. 

“No, no, shut up mind, you’re not doing this to me right now,” she mumbled to herself with her eyes closed, about to close the door and open it again in hopes that she’d see Seonghwa instead of Sunwoo sitting at the monitor table. 

“Hey, hey.”

Before she could close the door, Sunwoo held it open before pulling her inside and closing the door. 

And that’s when it hit her that he wasn’t a hallucination. She felt the warmth of his hand on her’s when he pulled her in, and she felt his body’s warmth and his breath on her shoulder when he pulled her in for a hug the second the door closed. 

Sunwoo noticed how she tensed when he brought her into his arms, and a pang of sadness shook within his chest. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, feeling his eyes water. He tightened his hold on her, afraid that she would disappear if he loosened his grip. 

Feeling his body tremble, her arms moved on their own, gingerly wrapping themselves around him and her hands drawing small, comforting circles on his back. Tears pricked at her own eyes but she refused to let them fall. 

Basking in the warmth of each other’s arms, no words were exchanged. They just silently rocked side-to-side as Jiyu tried to comfort the boy in her arms. 

Despite her calm exterior, she was a mess on the inside. Her heart was pounding in her chest from having the presence and warmth of her beloved back while her mind tried to find the words to say. 

“I’m sorry, too,” she managed to say even though her voice started to crack from trying to keep her tears in. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she couldn’t bring herself to.

Lifting his head from her shoulder, tearily chuckled before bumping foreheads with her. “Hey, don’t cry.” he mumbled, feeling his heart break at the sight of her crying. He’d never seen her cry before, not even on the night of their fight. 

But his words seemed to only encourage her tears and before she realized, she felt the tears slipping down her cheeks and the small sobs wracking through her body. She felt relief crash into her; relief that this all wasn’t a hallucination or a dream, and relief that he wasn’t there to break up with her.

Sunwoo sniffled before stroking her cheek to wipe away the river of tears, all while gently shushing her and whispering words of comfort. Once he felt her breath start to even out again, he guided her to the chairs and sat her down in one while he sat on the other. Jiyu couldn’t look at him, but the tight grip of her hands on his conveyed everything.

“I’m sorry for that night,” he quietly said, rubbing circles on the back of her hand with his thumbs, “I should’ve just asked you about it rather than assume and take out my anger on you like that. And—” 

He paused, feeling his throat tighten as he remember all the horrible words he said. “I’m sorry for accusing you of being unfaithful. I really don’t think of you like that, I swear.”

Jiyu cupped his face in her hands and raised his head so he was looking at her. His bambi eyes were now filled with tears again, and it sent ripple of sadness throughout her chest. “It’s okay, I forgive you,” she cooed, using her thumbs to wipe away the stray tears that escaped his eyes.

“And I’m sorry for lashing out at you, too...and for saying things would’ve been better if we broke up.”

Sunwoo didn’t respond, but the way he nuzzled his face further into her hands answered for him, and she let out a little giggle. He felt the corners of his lips tug upwards at the sound of her laughter; he had terribly missed the sound. 

Another moment of silence passed before Jiyu started to speak again. “My brother’s my only family left.”

Sunwoo’s eyes widened before they wandered to find her own. Taking her hands away from his face and resting them on his own again, she took a deep breath before continuing. “My parents died in an accident when I was three. Jiyong and I were the only survivors so we were sent to Guangzhou to live with our grandparents. That’s why we’re so affectionate with each other...we’re all we have left here in Korea.”

No matter how many times she spoke of her family, it never got easier. There was still the stinging pain in her chest, the guilt she carried around for years always started to resurface, and the anxious feeling that the person would think less of her when they found out about her broken family.

But Sunwoo just brought her in for the tightest hug he’s ever given her and buried his face into the crook of her neck. He knew she didn’t tell him that to make him feel worse about himself, but it still broke his heart when he realized he had accused her of cheating when in reality, she was with the only family she had left. 

Countless apologies left his lips as Jiyu carded her fingers through his curly hair. No matter how many times he heard her whisper that it was okay, it didn’t ease the guilt that consumed his mind.

“I told you because I trust you. You didn’t even know, so please don’t blame yourself.”

It took a few minutes for her to soothe him, but she didn’t mind. She missed hugging him, she missed feeling his body against her’s, she just missed him. Too busy caught up in her thoughts, she missed how he fumbled around for something in his pocket before feeling a cold sensation wrap around her wrist. Looking down, she couldn’t control the smile that grew on her face when she saw the familiar white bracelet. 

“I think this belongs to you, lovebug” he chuckled, satisfied when he saw a genuine smile instead of the forced ones she gave him during the live broadcast.

Her heart swelled with happiness at the nickname that she thought she’d never be able to hear again. “Thank you, sunshine,” she returned the nickname, an indirect reassurance that they were okay, that everything was okay. 

With him still hugging onto her, she leaned down to place a quick kiss on his cheek, laughter rumbling from her chest when he started pouting and claiming she missed.

“I don’t think I missed, Woo—” 

Before she could even finish, she felt him swiftly readjust their position so that he was pressing her against the chair, his hands firmly pressed onto the armrests to keep himself up. “I think you did, love,” he smirked before leaning down and pressing his lips against her’s.

It wasn’t their first kiss, but she still felt the volcano of butterflies erupting, fluttering around in her stomach. She wrapped her arms around his neck when one of his hands gently grabbed onto the side of her neck. 

Pulling away, Sunwoo placed one last kiss onto her forehead before getting up and offering his hand out to her. “Come on, let’s go tell everyone the good news,” he giggled. It always threw her in for a loop at how he could switch from looking like he wanted to devour her back to an adorable puppy in a few seconds, (although Sunwoo could say the same about her). 

Taking his hand and letting him hoist her up, she held him back before he could walk towards the door. Looking back and cocking his head to the side, he swore his heart almost stopped when she smiled up at him. 

“I love you, sunshine,” she said, her aura resembling a puppy that had it’s tail happily wagging.

Eyes filled with adoration and affection, he smiled before leaning down to peck her lips one last time. “I love you, too lovebug.”

General Adult Trio Yan Hcs.

it’s been a while since i’ve gotten to flesh out my hcs for the adult trio!! my chrollo thirst has Picked back up once again, and with it, the other two hxh low-lives. 

Chrollo Lucilfer; 

Chrollo’s approach is, in part, tailored to you. The advantage in lacking a solid sense of self means the ability to wear many faces. A charming suitor, a thief willing to sweep you away into a night of thrills, a brooding yet misunderstood antihero... he can play every role perfectly. He might also take elements of each and form a perfect counterpart. 

He goes out of his way to familiarize himself with those in your close circle. Your friends, coworkers, even your family; all will experience his charisma. Chrollo acts none the wiser but he knows what he’s doing. By getting their affirmation, he has more influence in your life. It won’t be uncommon to hear people ask why you’re not dating Chrollo. 

“Oh, that?” he smiles, eyelids fluttering shut. “I ran into them by coincidence this morning. That look on your face... you don’t believe me, do you? Pity.” 

Chrollo’s end goal is to have you traveling with him. He feels confident in his myriad of Nen to keep you from acting up, believing that if worst comes to worst, a stolen Manipulator ability would get the situation under control. Traveling with Chrollo is hectic, traversing multiple time zones and cultures. He’ll teach you about every place you’re going. 

Generally doesn’t mind when you’re mouthy. Chrollo finds it amusing that you speak your thoughts so freely, but there are some subjects that remain best left unsaid. He wouldn’t care for any indication of attraction to someone other than him, speaking about past relationships in a positive light, stuff like that. There’d be a smile on his face that doesn’t reach his eyes.

Chrollo closes his book with more force than necessary. “Let’s move on from this topic, shall we?” 

He has a penchant for challenging you. Loves watching your attempts at reasoning with him, which can feel infantilizing, not that telling him this will change anything. Chrollo will shrug your concern off, saying that he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. He does know what you’re talking about...

Due to his interest in gothic style, you can expect numerous gifts relating to fashion. Chrollo’s favorites on you include colors like maroon and black, fishnets/sheer tights, choker necklaces, corset outfits, anything with lace, and off-shoulder tops. He loves whatever shows off your legs and collarbones. 

“You look like a work of art,” he hums, circling you like a predator who’s spotted its prey. “It should come as no surprise that I want to steal you.”

Hisoka Morow; 

Hisoka makes for a perplexing yandere. He’s a walking contradiction in every definition of the word, overbearing yet flaky, obsessive yet distant, and always intent on ruining your day. Being around you is thrilling and he’s unashamed of his addiction. Hisoka lives for himself and nothing else matters. 

He prances into your life intending to disturb the status quo. Just when you think you’re free, Hisoka shows up again, welcoming himself into your home. The worst part about it is that getting frustrated and lashing out is what he wants. He looks oh so pleased at prying that reaction from you, licking his lips and emanating bloodlust while you tell him off.

“[First]... I could devour you here and now ♥.”

Ignoring him doesn’t feel like a viable option. Should you rely on this method, anything that you’re paying attention to instead of him will meet an untimely demise. Whether it be a person, technology, or a book; expect cards to soon be lodged in it. Hisoka doesn’t stick around for long. So when he is lurking around your area, he expects attention.

Hisoka’s bizarre nature created a new yandere subgenre. He’s a part-time yandere, typically allowing you to live your life as you please, finding immense gratification from how on edge this makes you. It’s not uncommon for Hisoka to leave for months and then pop up at your job with a sweet smile. 

“Were you lonely without me? Embarrassing as it may be, I found myself missing you. I’m sure we have lots to catch up on.” 

Overall, you can expect your quality of life to go down every time Hisoka rears his head. The good news is that when he disappears for the next few months, you’re able to live life as per usual, no longer held captive by his whims. Hisoka is a lenient yandere, meaning, he likely won’t kidnap you unless pushed to extremes. The benefits Hisoka has to offer end there. 

The touchiest yandere of three listed here. His hands are always on you: whether it be your lower back, your waist, even “accidentally” brushing over your ass. Pushing him away is not going to help. Hisoka is just waiting for an excuse to connect himself to you with Bungee Gum, don’t give him a reason. 

Illumi Zoldyck; 

Catching Illumi’s attention is akin to opening the door one day to find the Grim Reaper staring back at you. Similar to drawing the tarot card Death, you can expect your normal way of life to become a distant memory. Illumi’s view towards relationships is warped, he believes that commitment means disregarding everything else, and this intense view is forced onto you.

“There’s no reason to be upset,” Illumi reasons, blinking at your hunched over form. “I’m taking care of everything. Why are you crying?” 

He thinks in black and white terms. Illumi can provide for you in abundance, what else could you possibly need from a partner? There’s no getting through to him on this front -- no matter how much you plead -- as he feels you’re being irrational. That with time, you’ll come around. His family encourages this detrimental behavior. 

Illumi is a straightforward yandere, but that doesn’t make him any less manipulative. He uses this honesty as a cover for what he’s trying to accomplish. Drumming phrases and ideas into your head, bluntly bringing up past hurts that could be associated with your life before him. There’s a mold that Illumi wants you to fill and he’s willing to push you into it. 

He doesn’t see the point in wasting time. Illumi feels like you have the potential to benefit his family, and once he feels this way, is willing to do anything to make that vision a reality. He’ll make some stiff attempts at romance if he receives advice like that from his family. Dates will be shrouded in silence or awkward small talk, no in-between. 

You’re expected to adjust to things unnaturally fast. Illumi lays down the groundwork of what becoming a member of the Zoldyck family entails, even if you’re in a distraught state. Rules are set into place immediately with the expectation that you’ll follow them. Butlers are always around to ensure this, or return you to your room should you break them.

“Now, this is important. Hm... you really aren’t paying much attention. That’s going to be a problem.” 

Unlike Hisoka, Illumi oversees all details relating to your life. When you wake up, when you should sleep, the nutritional contents of your meals, everything is micromanaged. He claims it’s for the sake of keeping you healthy. Which it very well could be, but doesn’t excuse how overbearing he is. 

Her Prince - Prince Hal

Pairing: Reader x Prince Hal (The Hollow Crown)

Summary: The man that comes to visit you at your woodland cottage - the man that you’re falling in love with - is a mystery. When you discover what he’s hiding from you, it turns your whole world upside down.

Warnings: fluff, angst, ooc Hal probs, mentions of blood

Words: 2569

Disclaimer: So, I know that none of this would ever happen but I’m a hopeless romantic?? Characters will be ooc probably

A/N: I promise that I will be getting back to my usual fics but I had a really shitty day in work and I had to make my self feel better. The Hollow Crown was one of Tom’s superior looks! Hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think, I love you all! xxx

I've been living to see you Dying to see you, but it shouldn't be like this This was unexpected, what do I do now? Could we start again please?

---------------------------------------

The day was swelteringly hot and you were in front of your woodland cottage, tending to your herb garden. You were the best healer in the village and the townspeople ventured out of the safe confines of their stone walls to come and seek an audience with you in your forest cottage. As you were tending to the thorned plants, your hand slipped and you near enough sliced your hand open.

You gasped out into the silent air as thick scarlet blood blossomed on your palm but before you could do much about it, you heard the gallop of horse hooves in the distance, getting closer with every breath you took. Then, he called out to you and your heart fluttered with anticipation.

“Good afternoon, Y/N,” he beamed as his horse came to a stop.

You blushed as you looked at Hal’s handsome face, he was handsome enough to be a Prince with his honey brown curls and sparkling blue eyes, “hello, Hal,” you smiled as you sat on your little stone wall, your legs hanging over the edge, “it’s nice to see that you’re not half dead this time,” you laughed, recalling the first time you met him. He’d been injured and if you’d waited longer to heal him then he’d be dead.

Hal sighed, teasingly as he dismounted from his horse, “must you always mention that every time I come to visit you?”

You laughed as you reached a leg out to lightly kick at his knee, “of course, I’m never going to let you forget it,” you smiled and he rolled his eyes. By the look of his flushed cheeks, he’d been riding a long way today and you thought that he might care for some refreshment, “would you like some water? Or milk and honey, perhaps, to cool you down?”

Hal smiled and opened his mouth to reply but he hesitated when he caught sight of your slashed palm. He tutted and reached out for your hand, running his gentle fingers over the cut, “you’re hurt,” he lifted his concerned eyes to meet yours and you bit your lip as your eyes dropped down to his lips for a split second.

“It’s alright,” you breathed, “it’s just a cut from some thorns.”

“Here,” Hal smiled as he reached into his satchel bag and pulled out some fresh smelling cloth, “I don’t think that my healing skills are quite up to the level of yours, but I always keep some with me, just in case,” he chuckled and wrapped your hand in the bandage.

It was so courteous of him that you couldn’t help but stare at him, flustered and searching for something – anything – to say, “I’ll go and fetch you that glass of water,” you laughed nervously as you turned away, grimacing when his pleasant laughter followed you into the cool interior of your cottage. It was such a relief to be out of that heat, if only for a couple of minutes.

Quickly, you poured him a tankard of water before walking out into the scorching sun again.  Hal gave you a grateful smile as you handed him the water and he drained it in one swallow, gasping as he smacked his lips before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. You had to fight back a giggle.

“By God, I needed that, thank you, Y/N,” he smiled as he sat beside you on the small wall, his leg pressed against yours. Your cheeks flushed at his close proximity.

Over the few months that he had been coming to see you, you had grown to care for him, in fact you were falling in love with him. You wondered who he really was, “have you got an outing planned for tonight? I know that you prefer to collect your ingredients at night,” it was so nice that he’d remembered.

You bit your lip nervously as you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You could hardly tell him that you were going to the Royal Palace, Hal had already expressed his distaste for King Henry and the Prince of Wales, you didn’t want him to think any less of you. The King had heard of your skills and he’d invited you to court to speak to you about taking the post of physician when his current one retired. You were very grateful that word of your skills had reached the King’s ears.

“No, no outings tonight,” you felt your cheeks grow hot and the lie tasted bitter on your tongue.

Hal sat on your stone wall with you, keeping you company for a little while longer, and when he took his leave, you sent him off with raspberry tartlets which you had drizzled with honey and baked golden brown. For as long as you lived, you would never forget the way he smiled at you so sweetly as he cupped your cheek, before he brushed his lips against yours, as gentle as a whisper.

When he pulled back to look at your reaction, your heart pounded so loudly in your chest that you were afraid that he’d heard it and you felt pleasant tingles all over your body. When he found no sign of hesitance – you would have to be a fool to reject him – he pulled you closer and kissed you deeper. You stood on your tiptoes to meet his kiss as you allowed your fingers to run through his curls as you kissed him in the peaceful little clearing. Long after Hal had left, your lips still tingled from the memory of his intoxicating kiss.

Later on that evening, you were being escorted down the never-ending hallways by a Palace guard – how people found their way around this castle, you had no idea – you were dressed finely for your audience with the King, a dress from green silk that you’d made yourself. You were so nervous and the guard must have sensed it because he gave you an encouraging smile.

“Everyone has is worrisome before meeting the King,” he chuckled, “the common folk prefer the Prince.”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, “they do? I have never met him; will he be at court today?” you asked with interest.

“I think not, he’s been in the tavern often, of late.”

You grimaced to yourself, spending time in the tavern was not wise for the future King but you kept your thoughts to yourself. As you entered the Throne Room and saw the old proud King on his Throne, you wanted to bolt out the way you came in but you forced yourself forwards until you were kneeling at his feet.

“Your Majesty, thank you for seeing me,” you kept your head bowed as was the custom.

“Please, rise my child,” with a small smile, you got to your feet and looked at the King, “Miss Y/N, I have heard great tales of your skills and accomplishments. I believe you’ve healed quite a few soldiers in my army?”

“Yes, Your Majesty, they often come by my cottage, it’s the quickest path to the castle.”

“Quite,” the King nodded, “I thank you for your service, my physician has grown old and his methods are not what they used to be. If you would, return three days from now and we can truly see what you can do.”

A slight sting of annoyance shot through your body but you would never let it show on your face, you would rather show him now but to argue with the King was to wish for death. Before you could accept, the door to the right of you opened and the King sighed as he shook his head, you were too nervous to see who it was.

“Finally, my son, you need to extend your apologies to our guest for being late.”

“My apologies,” a soft distracted voice came to the right of you, the King gave the Prince a sharp look and the Prince of Wales sighed as he walked in front of you, “please accept my apologies, my lady,” when he looked at you, his eyes faltered and his mouth opened in surprise.

Tears sprang to your eyes as you practically felt your heart crack as you stared at Hal – your Hal – he was the Prince? Words couldn’t describe how you felt but if you had to use one word, it would be ‘betrayed.’

Keeping your voice steady, you looked back at the King, “may I have your leave to go, Your Majesty.”

“Of course,” the King inclined his head.

As soon as the King replied, you bowed once more and escaped from the room as quickly as you could without actually running. You heard Hal say something to his father before you heard his quick footsteps follow you, “Y/N!” you shook your head and kept walking, refusing to look back at him, you wouldn’t let him see you cry, “please!” his voice broke and you couldn’t help yourself, you had to stop and look at him.

Well, you didn’t look at him, you kept your eyes on the floor, “Your Majesty,” you mumbled as you saw Hal’s feet walking closer to you.

You felt a warm gentle hand on your chin and you allowed yourself to look at his face, he looked so apologetic and his eyes almost looked wet, “we should talk.”

“As Your Majesty wishes.”

Hal looked sick as he rubbed his thumb against your cheek, “please don’t call me that, nothing’s changed between us.”

“Nothing’s changed?!” your sadness quickly turned to anger and you momentarily forgot where you were, “everything’s changed!  Why didn’t you tell me? By God!” you gasped as you slapped a hand to your forehead, “I’ve been rude to you! And you’re the crowned Prince! I kissed you!”

Hal bit his lip as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to treat me any differently, and technically, I kissed you,” he chuckled.

“Why?” you asked, holding back the tears, “why would you kiss me? Was it for something to laugh about with your noble friends,” your eyes went blurry as a wave of sadness washed over you.

“No, Y/N! Angel, no, I kissed you because I love you!”

Your heart stopped in your chest but it wasn’t from happiness, it was from overwhelming sadness, you would have longed to hear that just a few hours ago but now, you would rather that he didn’t say anything, “you can’t say that,” you shook your head as you backed away from him and Hal’s face fell, causing you to look away as you felt a stab of pain shoot through your heart.

“It doesn’t make it any less true,” he mumbled.

“I have to go,” you sighed as tears slid down your cheeks and ran over your lips, “goodbye, Your Highness,” walking away from him was the hardest thing you had ever done – especially when he was calling after you in that broken voice – but you had no other choice. He was the future King.

A year later, you were in your chambers at the palace, you hadn’t seen Hal since you had said goodbye to him. He’d been staying at his castle in Wales, though it wasn’t far away enough to make you forget about him. It was a particularly rainy day when your apprentice came bursting through the door with a shocked look on his face.

“Y/N! Y/N! Have you heard the news?” he was out of breath from running and it made you laugh.

“Calm down! What news?”

“The Prince is back, he’s in the tavern in the village, the word is that he’s abdicated the Throne for a peasant girl.”

You were so shocked that you dropped the empty beaker you were holding, letting it shatter across the ground, “are you,” you cleared your throat as you tried to gather your thoughts, “are you sure?” when Arthur nodded, you gulped and looked at him nervously. He’d probably abdicated the Throne for a pretty girl that he’d met in Wales but he used to love you and there was a sliver of hope in your chest, you had to go and see for yourself, “can you keep an eye on things here?”

“Yes, but where are you going?” Arthur frowned at you as you grabbed your cloak but you shook your head without another word.

Your riding had got much better while you were staying at the castle and you got to the tavern in a surprisingly short amount of time. You hoped that Hal was still here. As you opened the door to the warm tavern a hushed silence fell over the patrons as they stared at the newcomer. You didn’t have to search far for Hal because he was in the middle of everyone with a pretty blonde woman perched on his lap. His eyes widened as he looked at you, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed. Hal had seemed to become even more beautiful in the year that he’d been away. He looked like an angel.

The woman sneered at you and you realised that he hadn’t abdicated the Throne for you at all, you were such a fool. Offering Hal, a sad smile with tears sparkling in your eyes, you turned to leave, walking out into the cold evening air again. You had barely mounted your horse before you felt a strong arm wrap around your waist from behind and a warm hand came to brush your tears away.

“Why are you crying petal?” he whispered.

You could feel the fissure in your heart widen and your knees almost buckled at the sound of his soft voice, “because you’re you a fool,” you sniffled as you turned to face him, “abdicating the Throne for that woman.”

Hal let out a surprised laugh as he shook his head, “I haven’t abdicated the Throne for her,” he jabbed his thumb in the direction of the tavern, “I’ve abdicated it for you.”

Your heart soared as you gasped, searching his face for any deceit, instead you found nothing but love, “me? Why?”

Hal grinned as he cupped your cheek, “isn’t it clear my dear? Because I love you, I would rather give up my future rule than lose you.”

Tears sprang to your eyes again but for a completely different reason and you rested your hands against Hal’s firm chest, “was your father angry?” you couldn’t believe that this brave handsome man had given up everything for you.

“Furious,” Hal rolled his eyes, “but I don’t want to live without you, I love you, Y/N. I would like nothing more than to live the rest of my days with you by my side.”

You smiled as your fingers curled through his hair as you gazed up at him, “I love you too,” you pulled him into a passionate kiss and at the first touch of his lips, you gasped, it felt like coming home, “I’m going to have to find a new post,” you laughed, you couldn’t go back to the palace now.

Hal only chuckled as he pulled you in for another kiss, for the first time in your life you had no idea what was coming next. However, you couldn’t find it in your heart to care, you had your Prince and that was all that mattered.

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@smiithys​