Tumgik
#sort of. like personality kind of plays a roll but its not always a drastic change in personality
sereniv · 1 year
Text
is it normal to not fully recognize someone with like, just a shirt change?
Like an actor. I mean like i know its the actor, i know its the same person, i technically recognize them, but its like....aome part of my brain is confused?
where i can almost say it feels like 2 different people which duh, acting. but i dont always get that feeling whether its good or bad acting
it just seems random? maybe? idk
but it feels weird. its kind of like the feeling i get when i look at myself in the mirror (usually when im off my meds)
like i know thats me. i look familiar. i know its a reflection. but also, thats not me
kind of hurts my head sometimes 😭
7 notes · View notes
ms-m-astrologer · 2 years
Text
Transiting Venus stations retrograde
Timeline (current events in bold)
Wednesday, November 17, 2021 - transiting Venus enters pre-retrograde shadow, 11:05 Capricorn
Sunday, December 19, 2021 - transiting Venus stations retrograde, 26:49 Capricorn
Sunday, January 8, 2022 - transiting Venus Rx conjunct Sun, 18:43 Capricorn
Saturday, January 29, 2022 - transiting Venus stations direct, 11:05 Capricorn
Wednesday, March 2, 2022 - transiting Venus exits post-retrograde shadow, 26:29 Capricorn
(As usual, I'm abbreviating. "11:05" means "11 degrees 05 minutes," and "26:29" means "26 degrees 29 minutes." Which would you rather have to type out, repeatedly?)
Venus going retrograde has some traditional ways of acting out, and since she's retrograde in Capricorn we're all about those traditions, right?!
Art - we need to watch out for feelings of "I'll never be as good as (fill in artist name), so why bother?" We may not see the point of indulging in art at all, since playing the violin or sketching or writing sonnets doesn't exactly bring in the big bucks. Society in general has a problem with commodifying all the pleasant, relaxing things we do in life - for example, I myself am frequently told I shouldn't knit a hat just for pleasure; rather, I should knit tons of hats and sell them all and be rich! This is going to be a really good time to let go of the whole commodification bullshit.
Also, we may be hesitant to commit to some artistic pursuit because of the long hours we have to put in, in order to be any good at it. Ms M is remembering the endless scales she had to play, back in the day. We may have to face some tests over whether or not we have the dedication and the longer-term vision to pursue artistic mastery.
Beauty - traditionally, Venus Rx is a time of drastic haircuts that we almost always come to regret. Capricorn and its caution may keep us from doing anything too extreme, thank goodness! But there is the same sort of twisted competitiveness (Mars is exalted in Capricorn) we found in the "Art" section: "I'm not as lovely as Ava Gardner, so why bother?" Ava was a Cap....
Something we may want to look at during this time, concerns "conventional" standards of beauty - of the way "society" and the capitalist corporate patriarchy shove particular standards down our throats. I'm thinking of the meme or whatever that says, "Imagine what would happen to the beauty industry if women suddenly decided they liked their bodies." Others of us may have gotten a little slovenly, especially in wake of the pandemic. It's one thing to dress modestly and sensibly, but another thing altogether to look like you don't care.
Love - here, traditionally, our old lovers reappear. (It's Capricorn, so ancient lovers?!) Ah, the allure of "the one that got away." We tend to forget that there's usually a very good reason why we aren't with that person. Some of us may have to work with the fact that we've been seeking a parental figure in our relationships; others, with having partners our parents approve of; still others, with authority issues in relationships. We may be looking for validation through relationships as well - "I have a partner, therefore my existence is justified."
In a more general sense, we may be loving people but with strings attached. One distasteful way this could manifest is comparing a present we received from someone, with the present we bought them, to see if we spent the same amount of money. We may be manipulative with our loved ones, "playing" them like puppets (or trying to) in order to achieve our own goals. There are "status" issues which limit our ability to fully love another person, and we need to work on those.
Money - traditionally, we're prone to overspending, or splurging recklessly, with Venus retrograde. Those may seem like things Capricorn would never do - spontaneously throw away cash?!? But if "it" is some kind of status symbol, like a Rolls Royce, Venus/Cap may be very tempted indeed. Conversely, there may be some investment opportunity that we pass by, because we're too conservative with our money.
We're going to be concerned too with money (Venus) and the government (Capricorn). Anybody else see a parallel in the US between the constant increase in "defense" spending, and the way Viagra is considered okay but birth control isn't? We the people need to have more say in how those tax dollars are spent.
A few key dates to keep in mind, when Venus makes major aspects to other transiting planets:
Saturday, December 25, 2021 - conjunct Pluto at 25:43 Capricorn
Wednesday, December 29, 2021 - conjunct Mercury, 24:26 Capricorn
Thursday, December 30, 2021 - square Eris Rx/Aries, 23:41
Wednesday, January 5, 2022 - sextile Neptune/Pisces, 20:45
Thursday, January 6, 2022 - conjunct Juno, 19:48 Capricorn
Saturday, January 8, 2022 - conjunct Sun, 18:43 Capricorn; sextile Pallas Athene/Pisces, 18:26
That's a lot of conjunctions!
18 notes · View notes
youwontlikethisblog · 3 years
Text
Betty, My Betty! Part 2
Okay as I'm writing this I'm rewatching this scene over and over to make sure that I'm picking up the vibes correctly.
After all the entire point of my commentary is to digest what the writer, Fernando Gainta, the director and actors wanted us to know.
We're still in the same time frame of Armando finding out Betty has a boyfriend, though to the audience we are fully aware that Nicolas is just Betty's friend and the person she used to disguise her crush on Armando, in other words, Betty's true love is Armando and he doesn't know that but believes that Nicolas is which feeds the cycle of paranoia this man has.
The day between Marcela and Armando started off estranged due to their argument the night before. Though at first they seemed to tolerate each other when Marcela went to yell at Betty for the checks not being in cash, like she said she had told her, Armando went to Betty's aid and yelled at Marcela(in the hall before she made it to Betty's office) and then he got the worse news of his life and has been on a rollar coaster of emotions.
In this first scene I'll be talking about: Marcela enters Armando's office, pissed off. Her eyes are shooting bullets at Armando and his voice is.. how do I say nonchalant but annoyed? It's mostly an oxymoron.She's asked about the money. He does have a sharp tone as he tells her "My love, I just signed the papers for her to do that." His eyes aren't behind as he too is shooting bullets at his fiance.
I have a love hate relationship with Marcela. One moment I really like her and the next I could strangle her, not enough to actually do it but enough to imagine it.
Marcela has her arms folded in front of her looking apprehensive while shifting on her feet and shaking. Not only does her tone of voice allow us to pick up on her mood, so does her body language. She truly dispieses Betty.
I want to add here that the previous night when Marcela insulted Betty as she was leaving you could tell Betty was upset and not only because of the insults towards her and Marcela insulting her work ethics and role in the company but she stared dead at Armando as if also upset at him. I placed myself in her shoes and my inner monologue was "If only this dude could keep it in his pants and stop being such a whore so I wouldn't get told that I don't do what my father paid for me to study and instead I'm his pimp that would me great! I hate this and you." because we do see Betty being level headed and understanding where Marcela is coming from though Marcela also never makes Armando take accountability for his infidelity which is annoying on both their parts.
Back to this scene.
Armando glares at her and says "Can you give me a second, my love?" he mocks at the end. In the next frame we see Marcela rolling her eyes, arms folded in front of her and our dear and sweet(this is sarcastic) Mario Calderon sticking to the shadows observing and inspecting everything silently. This is important to take into account as this is what allows him to be such a good manipulator because you're not even aware that he's doing it.
Armando without taking his eyes off of Marcela then yells for Betty, twice and Betty runs towards him and in her very sweet and calm voice says "Yes Sir?". I've seen this scene one too many times because I often rewind to study certain scenes, even before I started to write these post and it wasn't until now that I paid attention to Marcela's reaction.
Once again Armando has eyes on Marcela the entire time. Not even when Betty enters the room does he turn to look at her. His tone continues to be strong, allowing us to know that the frustration or anger he's feeling is not directed towards Betty here but Marcela.
However Marcela(Let me just say the actress is so pretty) is now playing her neck, and rocking on her feet. As Armando says "Tell me, did you get the money for the lady?" Marcela's body language is very interesting. As she goes to rub her chin and sports a smirk on her face.
I'm trying to understand why she would react that way as just a second ago she was fuming and then annoyed because Armando was yelling.
These are my two conclusions:
1) Since her back is towards them she could be assuming that he is directing that tone of voice and anger towards Betty, which would make her happy that Betty is paying the price for their argument.
2) That it brings her joy to anger Armando. In a previous post I talked about how Marcela always seems to be looking for an excuse to lash out at Armando and it could be that she enjoys to get him riled up as she says in some episodes back (the make up seggs is always good) or she just likes making him miserable.
Betty goes to hand her the money and asks her if she'd be kind to sign the papers. Betty, even when Marcela had insulted her, her profession, and her role in the company, speaks to her with respect and kindness. Marcela doesn't even look at her. Instead she just grabs the money and starts counting. Mario is in the background taking it all in.
When Marcela laughs at this and tells her "Ha! Are you suspicious? (insinuating that Betty was calling her a thief) or what?"Mario's eyes grow big as he panics(remember that he is worried that if people yell at Betty she'll turn against them(he too isn't that bright as he later leaves a letter that does just that))
Now Armando's reaction is different as his expression softens and he shifts from being annoyed or angered to now trying to buffer the situation. He goes to say "My love you know perfectly well that's just formality. Stop bothering so much" his eyes are wide, his tone of voice shifts from annoyed to apprehensive and Marcela yells and tells him "Don't scream at me!" and he hisses her "You are unbearable."
Betty is really just standing between the both of them uncomfortable as I would too.
Marcela reminds Armando of what they talked about the previous night and how he hasn't done neither one thing or the other. We get a brief frame of Armando, lips tight in a line in anger to then softening them a bit to stare at Betty. This allows us to know that it is an unpleasant idea, in a sad way, for him to fire Betty or even think about it and not because she's the owner of Eco Moda.
Marcela proceeds to tell him not to expect a different Marcela or for her to be kind and we get music that sounds like the jaws song as she exits the office.
Now Mario has been there the entire time. He hasn't said a single thing or done anything to aid the situation. All he has done is read the room, hear and observe everything and everyone.
This is reminiscent of what we come to see of Armando and Marcela's relationship. This is the day where it is solidified that their relationship is doomed and over with. At least the side of their relationship that kept them off each others throats for long. Where Armando would at least make the effort to talk to her and be open, even when she always turned it around to make it about herself and he always had to swallow down his feelings and comfort her when it was him who needed it. Their relationship had some sort of fighting ground. That's what kept them fighting but if we're being honest here their relationship was mostly based on two people who just enjoyed screwing each other. It wasn't based on love, respect, honesty, or loyalty but based on the commitment to their parents and family and seggs.
When I was in middle school I had this teacher talk to us girls about lust and love and how at our age, which was emotional immaturity, we could assume that because we felt attraction it was love but that they were two different things.
Lust is based on physical wants and needs whilst love is based on emotional and spiritual wants and needs. Love is the desire to give while lust is the desire to receive.
Armando and Marcela have never been in love with each other instead they've been in lust with each other except one mistakes this lust for love and mistakes love for possession.
Knowing to tell these things apart in our romantic life helps us establish a healthy relationship and sadly Marcela hasn't learned to tell these two things apart and this scene shows us that very well. Their relationship is doomed and there is no going back because she asked for the head of the person who is changing the life of Armando Mendoza and not just professionally and economically but in a mental and emotional way and though he isn't aware of that yet his subconscious is and it's made up its mind.
As Mario proceeds to ask him what she's talking about he[Armando] tells him that Marcela asked for Betty's head. We then see Betty standing by her closed office door listening in.
Mario asks shocked "What?" because of course, how could he allow Marcela to ask for the head of the secret owner of Eco Moda?
Again our dear and stupid Armando is in another planet, or solar system, point is he isn't in the same wavelength that Mario is in. He goes to explain that Marcela thinks Betty is his accomplice and fixes him up with his dates which then leads to Mario frantically telling him that she's crazy and he can't contemplate that option.
Armando again is biting his thumb nail, he's nervous but agrees and his mood changes drastically. He looks determined as he tells Mario "I know, I know. Look, no one is going to touch Betty!"(in spanish he says "Nadie me va a tocar a Betty" making it possessive that no one will take Betty from him) and we get a cut to Betty hearing him say that.
Here's the important thing to note throughout this scene. Armando's body language and his reaction is shown directed towards Marcela, not Betty. While Mario directs the topic to Betty being the new owner of Eco Moda, therefore shouldn't be yelled at or fired, Armando is sticking to the emotional aspect of it all. How could he fire the girl who is unconditional and loyal to him? How can he fire the girl he likes? and most importantly that no one is taking his Betty away from him. Be that Marcela asking for her head(he's willing to pay the price and whatever Marcela throws at him but he isn't firing her) or Nicolas Mora being her boyfriend.
What makes this concrete? When he tells Mario that Marcela is just taking advantage of the situation with Claudia and that she's always wanted Betty out it shows us hIS thought process. He isn't concerned over Betty being the new owner. If he were he'd mentioned it, just like Mario has. He would say "Marcela isn't aware she's the new owner but we are and I can't fire her." but those words never escape his mouth, even in secrecy with Mario. However, Mario does say those words even when Betty is in the room over or at least insinuates it.
Fast-forward a bit we get a scene of Claudia picking up a bottle of an alcoholic beverage and we get a clean cut to Armando pouring himself a drink. The parallel would be Claudia is drinking because she is heartbroken due to Armando kicking her out of his office so angrily the previous night and then we have Armando pouring himself a drink in the same time frame, he is stressed and he has started to drink more in the past few days but the back to back scenes with the same music tell us that he's also drinking due to a broken heart.
Armando can't catch a break right now.
Again this isn't speculation as when Mario point that out and tells him that it's too early to be drinking Armando gives him a list of excuses saying "Don't you think I've got a pretty sinister day today? Marcela and I are at each other's throats and today is the new[collection] launch. Plus! In that hotel there's a crazy model waiting for me and I don't know what she's going to do when I get there" The problems go escalating little by little as he list them and then he says "and on top of that, on top of everything-" when we say that phrase it means that we've already established we've got problems but what makes all those problems worse, what makes your situation worse is the next problem you're about to list which is the worst. His tone goes from being frustrated like he was naming the other problems to bringing his voice down and in a solemn tone saying "My Betty, has a boyfriend." he then proceeds to say that they are in his[Nicolas aka Betty's eternal love] hands.
Now one again could argue that his concern is Eco Moda because now he is untrustful of Betty and Nicolas with Eco Moda and I will argue back that the writing tells us otherwise.
[Read my two previous post regarding this because it makes it clear that the writer wanted us to know that Armando did trust Betty and Nicolas previous to the knowledge that Nicolas is Betty's eternal love.(I like to say that because I imagine that's what Armando hears in his head when he thinks of Nicolas)]
Had that been his concern he would have said this: 'Don't you think I've got a pretty sinister day? Tonight is the launch for the new collection, there's a crazy model waiting for me at the hotel and I don't know what she's going to do to me when I get there and plus we're in Betty and Nicola's hands now because I've lost the company and on top of that Marcela and I are at each other's throats!' but he continues to hang onto the fact that Betty, his Betty, has a boyfriend which is his biggest concern next to Nicolas existing.
His anguish is that: Betty has a boyfriend.
His concern is that: The boyfriend works in Terra Moda.
His pain in the butt is: Marcela is at his throat asking for Betty's head.
Mario then tells him that he won't deny that he is worried about Betty's situation but that they need to handle the situation delicately and that Armando cannot judge her for it. Cut to a frame of Armando staring at his glass of whisky to squinting his eyes at Mario; who then tells Armando not to criticize Betty's personal life. Again Mario is trying to keep Armando from pushing Betty against them in turn taking away the company.
"You can't question her for not telling you about the boyfriend. You can't take away your trust!" he hisses at the end.
Armando's eyes are the main reaction we get here as the rest of his face is covered by the whisky glass he had in hand. His eyes narrow. He is concentrating on what Mario is telling him and is paying attention to him.
This is setting ground for the later manipulation as Armando begins to do this a lot.
The music changes to a more intriguing one. Mario stands up and leans towards Armando on the desk and whispers "you know what we have to do? What we have to do is to really figure out who he is, what he does and what kind of person he is before we start to panic."
Now who is Nicolas?
We know he is Betty's oldest friend and longest friendship and that he cares about Betty. He went to defend her against Roman and his friends even when he got hit for it. We know that he is protective of her and besides having a crush on a woman we know and he knows bullies and mistreats Betty, he is a good friend to Betty.
He prioritizes her feelings and he does anything to make her happy. Even going along with Betty's lies and schemes.
He tries to advise her to put everyone in their place when they abuse her for her looks when she becomes the owner of Eco Moda, once again showing us that he wants Betty's best interest and doesn't like that people treat her poorly. He is naive and somewhat dumb when it comes to real life problems like dating and social interactions.
Personally I find Nicolas endearing and I think Nicolas has always been very kind to Betty and always done his best to put a smile on her face.
He does let himself get distracted with the idea of riches and he brags about what he doesn't have but even then Nicolas is still morally and ethically correct. He has those tendencies and desires but he never goes through with them because his love for Betty and his loyalty to her keep him from it.
Nicolas is a good person flaws and all.
We know this, Betty knows and Armando knows this.
How are we sure he knows this?
Betty herself said to him "He is my other me" I don't have to breakdown what that means because we know she means that he is basically the same person within that she is therefore, Armando knows who Nicolas is and his distrust isn't based on Nicolás taking the company away. When he said that they were now in his hands he could have meant "Betty is in his hands".
It's important once again to understand this because it isn't until later that day that he finds out about what Mariana told Betty, again we know that Nicolas is the alias Betty uses for Armando, but he doesn't know this.
Right now his true anguish is that Betty has a boyfriend and that boyfriend is Nicolas Mora, an object of disdain to him now and we understand his mistrust isn't based on Eco Moda and what they could do to it but that Nicolas is Betty's boyfriend and he can take her away from him.
It isn't until after Bertha tells him everything Mariana said about Betty and her eternal love(I am referring to the real one being Armando) that he begins to distrust Nicolas as an individual(without Betty) who can "manipulate" Betty with love to turn against them and this then shows the true disgusting nature that two egocentric and selfish people will show.
Armando did use Betty to secure Eco Moda and it is wrong. Mario thought that the only way a girl like Betty could ever get anyone interested in her or get someone to love her was only on interest of money. However and I need to remind you of this, Armando had another reason to go with the plan and it wasn't just that he is a disgusting human being at this point of the novela, but he subconsciously already liked Betty. He already had feelings for her that he didn't understand and he tried to justify for other things.
My personal theory regarding this topic is that Armando in a sense thought he was saving the company and Betty. He thought that by going along with this plan to make Betty fall in love with him he was saving her from Nicolas, who didn't truly love or care about Betty in his opinion and was only going to use her for the money but unlike him [Nicolas] Armando did care for her even if he didn't understand how and the depths of his feelings towards Betty. So he killed two birds with one stone.
He would secure that Nicolas wouldn't convince Betty to take away Eco Moda by promising her love and that Nicolas didn't take Betty away from him therefore saving Betty from pain.
I still haven't gotten to those episodes, I have seen them so I'm going off by memory but again, these three minute or five minute scenes give so much information. Fernando Gaitan did a tremendous job with foreshadowing and parallels(also the actors all have so many ticks that identify their moods that it's so fun to watch!) that it's really fun to pick apart these scenes because they have later consequences in the following episodes.
This post is already long enough lol so I will make another post about this same episode.
20 notes · View notes
americas-golden-boy · 3 years
Text
In the Interest of Mischief
Summary: Working for someone as eccentric and unpredictable as Tony Stark, even with the occasional buffer of Pepper Potts on your side, is exactly the kind of chaos you love to keep you on your toes.
After all, there's nothing you enjoy more than a little mischief.
Pairing: Loki/Reader
Word Count: 1,388
Tumblr media
"Ms. Potts has a meeting with the caterers for the charity banquet at 1:15 that overlaps with your lunch gathering with this quarter's investors.  I'll be coming with you in her place, so don't worry about having things handed to you," you called out, the pragmatic tone and offhanded flipping through the folders of papers in your hands at risk of being nullified by the smallest pull at the corner of your lips.  
"See?  This is why you're almost my favorite," his teasing tone carried over the pulsing melody of rock music and the occasional clunk of the components he worked with in the workshop, "You’d have it in the bag if you could get me out of it entirely."
He peeked around the suit he had been modifying, signature smirk on his face, and wiping his hands on the grease-stained rag that he had resting on his shoulder.  
"I think keeping both of us on Ms. Potts' good side is worth giving up the title.  I'll see you downstairs in an hour," you threw over your shoulder with a slight nod of your head as you made your way out, the sound of your heels on the smooth concrete quickly covered by the rising volume of music coming back full force.    
As the secure doors closed behind you, you couldn't help the huff of a laugh that gently shook your shoulders.  Working with, and for, someone like Tony Stark really made the usual stuffiness of a professional setting bearable in ways that you couldn't help but be thankful for.  While not everyone you interacted with on a daily basis shared the same easygoing personality that he did, the effect of his presence rested on your shoulders like a pleasant, if at times annoying, blanket.  
There were other people in the tower that had a similar aura that you were always thankful to be around, while it was a relatively rare occurrence for you to cross their paths.  Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, for example, were a practically inseparable pair and the metaphorical spring and winter of the team that always seemed to keep each other, and subsequently those around them, in orbit.  Steve's warm and encouraging words paired with Bucky's cool and refreshing candidness often helped calm your nerves, even in your first impromptu meeting with the national heroes you had learned about in history books.  
Clint Barton, Sam Wilson, and Natasha Romanov offered a healthy combination of emotional intellect and teasing, the latter of which reached its peak with the addition of the Asgardian brothers' frequent visits to the tower.  If Steve and Bucky were spring and winter, then Thor was summer, bright and cheery in a way that was so uncommon that you almost felt bad for being in his company when you often radiated waves of barley managed stress.  
His brother, Loki, however, was an entirely unique presence that you found yourself drawn to in ways that outclassed the general sociability you had with the others.  You didn't know what to make of him upon your first interaction with each other, and that fact hadn't changed much in the time you've known him.  This didn't stop you from pushing the limits of professional conversation with him every time you were given the opportunity, much to the discomfiture of his teammates.  The two of you seemed to take an unspoken amount of joy in making them uncomfortable (especially if it was in the form of burning on the tips of Steve's ears and an overexaggerated eye roll from Clint or Sam).
Raking your eyes over the paperwork that rested in your arms—which, much to your chagrin, you still needed to finish sorting before J.A.R.V.I.S. urged Tony to pause his work to attend the meeting with you—you took mental stock of what else you needed to complete before you could consider going home for the day.  While long days weren't abnormal, your schedule was atypical at best, much like your job description.  
Picking up your pace and rounding the corner towards the hallway that houses your office, you make it all but a half dozen steps before you were colliding with a wall.  Before you have a chance to consider how you managed to achieve a feat as embarrassing as failing to navigate the floor you've been working in for such an extended period of time, you're saved from the sharp pain of landing on the carpeted but unyielding ground beneath you by a solid tug.
Not a wall, then, you congratulate yourself silently.  
The pressure of cool hands seeps through the material of your blouse, radiating from the palms on your lower back and bicep.  The shock of the difference in temperature pricks your skin in a way that is stimulating and not at all unpleasant and the sudden jolt combined with the new sensations sends your mind spinning.  
Prying your eyes open from where they had squeezed shut in preparation for your anticipated fall, you're met with an expanse of leather pulled over broad shoulders.  Recognizing your savior's uniform, you don't even try to keep the kittenish expression off of your face as you bring your eyes up to meet his.  
His features are schooled into one of bold and artful mischievousness, a look that you know he wears with pride often.  The slight crinkling at the corners of his eyes and the slow spread of his smile is both familiar and welcome.
"Careful, little mouse.  If you keep running around like that you'll make a habit of getting caught in traps," he purred, unabashedly pulling you forward into the cage of his arms.  
While the sobriquet was hardly a new development, the surge in physical contact certainly was.  In the time you had known Loki, neither of you had crossed the boundary of including tactile signals into your unspoken interest in each other beyond the occasional and accidental brushing of skin when standing or passing too close.  If he was making a move to tip the scales so drastically, you could hardly find it in yourself to stop him.  
"If all of the traps look like this one then I don't think that I would mind," you replied, basking in the pleasant mix of his earthy musk, something you had likened to sandalwood and rain-soaked soil in your early exchanges, and the chilled surface of his uniform a hair's breadth away from you contrasting with his rapidly warming hands.  
"I'm afraid to tell you that there aren't any that can compete, it was made by a god after all."
The teasing raise of his eyebrow and tilt of his head was bordering on criminal, which was painfully on-brand for the man, god, in front of you.
"Doesn't every good trap have a treat?  Or is there some enticing morsel you have hidden away for me?"
"Why, my dear, did you just proposition me?" he questioned, letting his hand on your arm slide to rest on your hip, "Because while that is incredibly flattering and I am aware that I am not exactly the embodiment of gentlemanly charms, I do believe there are some other steps that must be accomplished first.  Not only by Midgardian standards but also those of 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes', who I believe would return me to my holding cell should I be discovered tainting your believed innocence."
The fact that not only had he taken your bold statement in stride but had also implied that he had considered the possibility and implications of something beyond playful workplace flirting sent a warm buzzing through your chest.  
"I don't think you need to worry about my innocence, but there is a play being put on downtown if you'd like to join me?  I've heard that you are quite the playwright yourself."
The comment caused him to tilt his head back with an exasperated huff.  
"Curse Thor and his tales.  You know, I have just as many unflattering memories of him to share."
"Oh, I'm sure.  You'll have to tell me while we eat.  You do owe me a treat."
His head dropped forward again as he ducked his head close to yours, warm breath tickling your ear as he hummed, "Don't worry, little mouse.  I have many things planned for you to look forward to."
94 notes · View notes
kyouxa · 4 years
Text
Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Shu Sakamaki (Story 13)
In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Monologue
A true state of emergency has come over us. Both families, Violet and Orange, aimed for us at the same time.
However, the battle between us has temporarily stopped because of Violet and Orange’s members suddenly being put to sleep by Shu-san’s unexpected entry.
Although Ayato-kun and everyone else still don’t have their memories back, once they wake up they might try to attack us again.
Luckily Shu-san tied them all up, and then continued to roll them down to leave them in the living room for the time being.
Place: Scarlet mansion — Living room
Tumblr media
Ayato: …..
Yui: (Ayato-kun, even in his current state he’s able to sleep soundly…)
Reiji: Even if they would be to wake up, they would not be able to cause trouble.
Yui: T-That‘s right.
(Even though they came here for a household search, it was quite easy to tie them up and make them unable to do anything once waking up again…)
By the way, what about Yuma-kun?
Shu: I carried him to my room. He’s probably still comfortably sleeping in my bed as we speak.
The others might just end up being confused with him being here anyway. With this, there’s no need to wake him up yet.
Yui: ...But to be honest, I’m confused myself. Reiji-san seemed as if he knew Shu-san would come back at some sort of point.
To me, it came out like the both of you were having some sort of advanced meeting to set a timing for him to come back...
Shu: It was hard to stay silent about that. But as you already said, everything that happened has been arranged beforehand.
Yui: It was arranged?
Shu: Do you remember it? It was when Ruki attacked us and tried capturing you, the day I remembered everything.
That was also when I decided to get help by taking the opportunity to talk to Reiji.
Tumblr media
Yui: Just the two of you? ...Ah.
So that’s why Reiji-san preached me not to stay in your room,  you didn’t want me to be able to listen to your plan—
That’s the only time I was taken out of your room, right?
Shu: Yes. On that day we—
*flashback starts*
Reiji: Well then? What is it that you wanted to talk alone about? Has your mind finally decided to be at least a little obedient now?
Shu: I want to ask you something before answering that. Do you somehow remember the name “Sakamaki”?
Reiji: Pardon? I have never heard of this before.
Shu: So it’s as I thought...
Monologue
Tumblr media
I wanted to get back Reiji’s memories, which is why I tried revealing the truth to him.
The Sakamaki mansion. Ayato, Kanato, Laito and Subaru being our younger brothers and all about that.
However, Reiji didn’t even bother trying to listen properly to me once I started talking about it.
Place: Scarlet mansion — Shu‘s bedroom
Tumblr media
Reiji: I was already wondering what you wanted to talk about, but for you to tell me such a joke instead...
Shu: This is not a lie or whatever. It’s the truth that you’re my younger brother. You’re the second eldest son of the Sakamaki family.
Reiji: It is impossible for me to believe you talking about such a foolish thing. Good grief, how ridiculous.
Shu: (I already expected it to be complicated… but it seems as if she really had a hard time trying to get me to remember, as well as I do right now)
(I thought there may be a way to regain someone‘s memories without them experiencing an intense shock…)
(I really didn‘t want to use the truth against him… but I have no other choice)
Say, Reiji… do you remember someone named Edgar?
Reiji: ...Edgar… ?
Shu: This used to be a human’s name. I knew him from olden days, and you’ve met him as well.
*weird sound*
Reiji: Kch… Nn… why… my vision, ngh…
Shu: That guy was very close and dear to me. But one day, the village he lived in was burned down.
And he himself jumped into the flames—
Say, Reiji. You can‘t have forgotten about that, isn’t that right?
The one who burned down Edgars village… that was you.
Tumblr media
Reiji: ….. !
Shu: You’ve been jealous of me, the eldest son of the Sakamaki family… and because of that jealousy, you’ve burned down Edgar’s innocent village.
Reiji: That is wrong! I am… the eldest son of this mansion… Nn.
Shu: Remember them… the sins you’ve committed.
You’ve gone made because of pure jealousy, and that’s why you burned him down, Reiji…!
Reiji: Kch… Ngh… Ahhh.
*weird sound*
Reiji: Haa… Haa...
Shu: And? Did you remember everything now?
Reiji: Yes… I have remembered… good grief… what a drastic measure of treatment...
Shu: ...I honestly couldn’t think of another way to phrase it.
I had no other choice, but in order to have you regain your memories, I needed to talk about this.
Reiji: It is fine with me… owing to your actions, all of my memories have successfully turned back.
Shu: I have no intention of continuing this absurd fighting we’re supposed to participate in anymore. But I’ll need you to help me with that, Reiji.
I need you to cooperate with me, in order to return everyone back to normal—
Tumblr media
*flashback ends*
Yui: That means, Reiji-san’s memories returned back to him ever since that day happened!?
Reiji: Exactly. I must excuse myself from saying nothing about it until now.
Besides, I must have been a bother ever since I lost sight of myself in this space. To you… and to Shu.
Yui: Not at all… I’m just really happy Reiji-san finally returned back to normal. I’m really, really happy about this… !
Reiji: It appears as if you are not holding onto the difficulties, I must have cause with acting delighted. Despite that, I will inquire to make up for my actions.
Yui: You don’t need to repay us with anything. All of this happened to us because of someone confusing our memories, so you haven’t done anything wrong.
Reiji: ...I see. Well then, I truly am charmed by your kind words and will certainly do as you wish. I will do so for the sake of keeping focus on finding a resolution to this situation.
Yui: Ah… and here I believed the both of you really had a huge fight going on.
Shu: That was part of Reiji’s strategy. We did so to ascertain deeper into our investment.
The part of me leaving and the fight the both of us had, it was all included in our play.
Yui: I think I understand now...
I’ve never felt so relieved till now… I truly believed the relationship between you would always have its discrepancy.
Shu: It’s not as if we’re going to treat each other nicely because of that now.
Reiji: I at least can only agree on that relating point.
Tumblr media
Yui: A-Ah...
(Nevertheless, they still decided to cooperate with each other to come to a conclusion)
(Thinking about that, it looks as if the entire Sakamaki family is completely gathered in this mansion now. Is that also because of Shu-san?)
Ayato: Nn… Hmm...
Yui: By the way, what kind of a bomb did you throw at Ayato-kun back then in the hallway?
You said something like if you start inhaling the pollen, you’ll be put into a sudden sleep...
Shu: I was told this is a simplicity bomb that contains a hypnotism effect. Reiji has made this one with materials from the provision.
Yui: (A-As it expected from Reiji-san…)
Shu: I received it from him right after pretending to leave the mansion. Just shortly afterwards I’ve been hiding myself nearby the mansion.
Yui: Thereupon you must’ve known Ayato-kun and the others were about to show up to attack the mansion...
Choices
1) I wanted you to tell me about it (black)
2) That was an amazing strategy (white) ♡ ♡ ♡
Tumblr media
— I wanted you to tell me about it
Yui: I wanted you to tell me about your plan though. Did you know how awfully worried I was about you?
Shu: Sorry about that. But you wouldn‘t have stayed silent if I told you about it, would you? Just looking at your expressions would reveal it all.
Yui: Uhh… it might’ve been the right choice not to inform me about anything of the plan after all…
Shu: Thought so. Your selfish facial expressions are always the most unusual ones.
Yui: Please stop looking at me like that.
(If he continues to intriguingly stare at my face as he has done until now, I’ll seriously start to feel awkward…)
— That was an amazing strategy ♡
Yui: That was an amazing strategy. You must’ve put a lot of time and consultation in thinking about it.
Shu: This has been Reiji’s strategy too. His abilities have been the reason why I wanted to be able to pull him into my plan.
Yui: Seems as if you put a lot of trust into Reiji-san.
Shu: Don’t start joking around. There was no other way but to put at least some faith into him.
Yui: (I-I guess I’ll have to wait until he completely admits it)
(But I shouldn’t tell him yet. I still want him to continue believing in Reiji-san, at least a little)
*Shu comes closer*
Shu: After all, you’re the number one person I’d always put my trust into first… Nn…
*Shu kisses Yui*
Yui: Nn… !?
W-Why did you just kiss me!?
Shu: All you talked about was Reiji and more Reiji, so I shut you up.
Yui: Please don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by jealousy again… !
end Choices
Ayato: Nn...
Yui: Ah!
Reiji: It seems like you have finally woken up.
Ayato: Ah!? What’s this!?
Kanato: Why have my hands been tied together? I can’t move like this.
Subaru: Shit… untie me right now!
*Subaru struggles*
Yui: Everyone calm down, please! The circumstances we’re in right now...
Laito: Looks as if we’re done for now. Maybe this was a plan to catch all of us from the very beginning?
Ayato: Are you serious? Does that mean the letter we all got was strange after all?
Laito: Well, it might’ve been so.
Ayato: Fuck, then it must’ve been those assholes who sent the letter! What a cowardice move!
Reiji: No, we have not taking part in writing this letter.
Yui: Eh? But I genuinely thought you send it for the sake of getting Ayato-kun and everyone together too...
Tumblr media
Shu: That’s not it. Having Ayato and everyone else come here to start a raid was as unexpected for us as it was for you.
I instead started to pretend leaving, in order to set a trap to discover what kind of a person the one planing this secession is.
Yui: W-What do you mean by that?
Shu: Didn’t I talk to you about it? The mastermind behind this entire messing up our memories situation must be lurking around somewhere in this place.
I already expected them to start moving once I disappeared. But I’ve now caught this certain someone out — it‘s that guy.
Yui: Eh… ?
*footsteps approach*
Kino: Ah, I thought you‘d show me an even more showy sort of fight. Is this already the end of this?
Yui: Kino-kun!? So you’ve been doing fine until now too—
Reiji: Do not approach this man.
Yui: Huh?
Shu: When you noticed how everything you came up with went conversely, you must’ve finally decided to come out.
You are the one who instigated these guys to come here, right? Kino.
Kino: Fufu, I can’t help hiding it anymore then. Well, I was slowly losing interest within this, so I kinda just wanted to get rid of unnecessary ballast.
But there was no way I would’ve thought this argument you had was all a simple fake. That’s an unexpected result for me too.
The fact that you’ve ruined my entire work… that’s what annoys me the most though. What’s your reason for that?
Tumblr media
Yui: Kino-kun… what do you mean?
Kino: You’re seriously a child with bad judgment, huh. The one who sent the letter to Ayato and the others, that was me.
When Reiji and Shu had their little fight, I thought this would’ve been the ideal time to have them attack and let me get Eve.
Ayato: Damn, this bastard tricked us!
Kino: Fufu, I even was ridiculously successful with that plan too.
Every last one of you must seriously have a low intelligence to fall for that crap.
Subaru: Shut up! I’ll beat that disgusting smile outta your face when I’m free!
Yui: Why did you do all of this… ?
Kino: I obviously did this to have the Sakamaki family crush each other once they’d meet each other.
Yui: Crush the Sakamaki family… ? No way, Kino-kun, you...
Are you the mastermind then? Did you gather all of us in a place like this, removed our memories and then set each other up to kill?
Kino: If so, what would you do?
Yui: ...Nn!
Shu: Just what kind of a person are you?
Kino: Ah, come to think of it, I’ve never properly introduced myself to any of you.
As formerly said, I’m Kino. Karlheinz’ illegitimate child.
Tumblr media
Yui: Karlheinz-sama’s...
Shu: ...Illegitimate child?
Ayato: Karl… heinz… ?
Ngh… what’s this…
Yui: (Ayato-kun?)
Reiji: No way, our father would never have an illegitimate child...
Shu: It’s not impossible if you remember that the person we’re talking about here is our father.
In other words, you’re saying you and we are siblings, right?
Kino: That’s right. I’ve already observed a bunch of information of you guys, before everyone started losing their memories.
Yes, I’m even willing to share interesting informations with you. Remember how we talked about Carla supposingly visiting Ruki’s mansion?
That was because he secretly wanted to see his true younger brother again. He doesn’t even seem to remember yet, but he still considered it important.
Now comparing those two to you guys. It’s already shameful how you snarled at each other. Pretty funny how my own brothers acted like this.
Reiji: Kch...
Yui: Why… Why are you laughing about this? Aren’t they your brothers, Kino-kun?
And despite being brothers, you still let them fight against each other… why would you enjoy such a thing!?
Tumblr media
Kino: I’ve always enjoyed it so far. These guys existences are only a huge hindrance for me and my plan anyway.
Yui: ….. !
Kino: The one inheriting our fathers power at the end of this will be his zeroth son, me.
Therefore, would those hindrancing siblings of mine continue to comfortably kill each now?
Yui: That’s… so cruel…
Kino: The one obtaining the power reignings everything. The one obtaining them will become stronger than anyone else. That‘s the life this world is about.
Shu: You did all this to aim for our old man’s powers? And you even ordered us to fight against each other now, only to be the successor to his power...
Even if you may be able to obtain what you wish for, you’ll never experience satisfaction. Besides, there’s no way you’ll be able to handle them.
Kino: Hah? As if you’re in the position to discern my body’s strength. Who do you even think you’re facing and talking to right now?
Shu: This is simply a fact. You’ve withdrawn yourself from everything until now. And now in order to obtain those powers, you even wrote this letter.
Kino: So you’re still looking down on me? For real… everyone of you has always screwed with me...
*Kino activates powers*
Yui: (Ngh, the atmosphere around Kino-kun changed itself!?)
Kino: I thought it would be nice to see my siblings come together and massacre each other, but my plans changed.
Shall we decide who will become the king now?
Shu: What do you mean?
Kino: Becoming the king, or in other words, becoming Adam. With Eve’s approval, the chosen one obtains great powers.
I for now and forever, want to settle who the appropriate one among us is.
Tumblr media
Yui: The supreme ruler… will become Adam? Eve should approve him...
(That means, this battle about becoming the king is nothing other than choosing who’ll become Adam…)
(Then the chosen one becomes Karlheinz-sama’s successor and inherits all his powers… !?)
Shu: I wasn’t interested in my old man’s powers to begin with. To make it clear, I don’t care about them.
But… Yui is different. I won’t lend her to anyone.
Yui: Shu-san...
Shu: We’ll take on that match you challenged us to then. With doing so, we’ll represent the six siblings of us.
Reiji, I’ll leave this matter in your hands.
Reiji: Understood.
Shu: About Ayato and the others, I’ll keep them tied up in order to prevent them from interrupting.
Subaru: Hah? If so, get your ass up and do something!
Kanato: How dare you to continue your incomprehensible talk while totally ignoring me like an idiot… are you making fun of me or what!?
Reiji: Be quiet!
Subaru: ….. !
Yui: (Reiji-san’s loud rebuke seems effective!)
Reiji: ...Please leave them to me. You will have to deal with him.
Shu: Yes, please do.
Yui: Shu-san...
Shu: You have to trust me once more, just like you’ve always done so far.
Yui: (To believe in him… that’s right. I won’t hesitate to keep doing so)
Understood. I’ll continue to believe in you, Shu-san.
Shu: Yes.
Yui: (I’m sure Shu-san will safely guide us through this situation—)
Shu: Let‘s end this quickly then.
Kino: ‘Kay, but this definitely will be my victory. Now, let‘s have a last deciding match—
Tumblr media
132 notes · View notes
lady-divine-writes · 3 years
Text
Ineffable Holiday 2020 - “Anathema’s Solid Right Arm” (Rated PG)
Summary: Anathema takes it upon herself to bring together two customers she knows have a crush on one another ... drastically, if necessary. (1694 words)
Notes: I had started writing this for @ineffablehusbandsweek prompt coffeeshop au, but I never got it done. So I have written it for the Ineffable Holiday 2020 Day 2 prompt 'hot cocoa/cider'. Human au. Mainly fluff.
Read on AO3.
“So, Mr. Crowley,” Anathema says, eagerly setting her cocoa and her apple cider muffin on the iron bistro table out front of her shop, right by the door where she can keep track of customers going in and out, “is he here yet?”
“Who?” her reluctant companion, who’d been there first, nursing his mug of coffee while he eyed the people walking by, asks.
“Don’t play dumb with me!”
“Pfft. Who says I’m playin’?”
“You know exactly who I’m talking about. The man in the cream-colored coat who comes here every day at 2 o’clock for a cup of Earl Grey and a blueberry scone. The one you’ve been mooning over for weeks and weeks but refuse to say two words to.”
Crowley spots a gentleman who fits that exact bill weeding through the crowd. But by the time he reaches the coffee shop, it’s obviously not him, and Crowley groans. “Don’t you have anything better to do than bother me?”
“This is my shop, and you're a customer here, so I think that gives me exclusive bothering rights.”
“I liked you better when all you did was read books behind the counter and ignore the rest of us.”
“Lucky for you, you’re much more interesting than a book.”
“Lucky me,” Crowley grumbles in a put-upon voice.
Crowley isn’t exactly a friend of hers, but he is one of her best customers. He shows up every afternoon without fail at precisely 1:30 and orders the same thing each time - black coffee and the muffin of the day (which he never eats). Anathema had thought he chose her spot over other, more commercial coffee enterprises because of her homey atmosphere and signature, in-house roasted Arabica blends. Many of her customers (an older set among the locals) do. 
Turns out, he stopped by every day because of another daily customer of hers - a pleasant, older man with fluffy white-blond hair, and a positively glowing smile, the kind that can be described as lighting up a room. Anathema has watched the two of them religiously. To this day, Crowley has never once spoken to the man, and the man (Aziraphale is the name he gives when he orders) has made no move to speak to him either. And as it’s already nearing 2:15 with no sign of him, it seems today won’t be the day Crowley gets his chance. 
Which explains his sour mood.
Anathema watches Crowley pull apart his muffin with one hand while he searches the stream of pedestrians, not paying an ounce of attention to the fact that he’s decimating it, crumbs falling through the scrollwork on the tabletop and attracting birds from all around. 
Anathema feels for the man. She really does. She’s watched the evolution of him from the first day he walked into her shop: cocky, condescending, constantly criticizing everything from the smell of the place to the decor. But he’s softened considerably since Aziraphale, almost become a whole different person. 
There are some things about him that have not budged. He still dresses like a wealthy undertaker, sporting a pair of dark sunglasses whether it’s dreary out or fine. Both style choices make him the yin to Aziraphale’s yang seeing as Aziraphale only dresses in tones of lightest cream and pale, sky blue.
Anathem has become invested in whether or not these two end up together. There's no better time than the present. 
Christmas time.
Which Anathema considers the most romantic season of the year
(Stuff Valentine's!)
If Crowley isn’t brave enough to make the first move, and Aziraphale (whom she thought she caught more than once peeking surreptitiously Crowley’s way) won’t, then she needs to make this happen. 
Starting today, if possible.
But what if he found a different coffee shop to go to? 
What if he had been waiting for Crowley to say something and mistook his silence for disinterest?
How tragic would it be for these two to end up star-crossed!
Nope! Not on her watch!
She straightens up and peeks around at the customers enjoying their beverages on this blustery day, then beyond the dining patio to the holiday shoppers hopping from store to store. It’s easy to mistake many an older gentleman for the object of Crowley’s affections, but easier to spot him out the moment he arrives, threading through passersby like a salmon traveling upstream, offering everyone he meets a smile, a nod, and an, “Excuse me! I’m very sorry! I must get through!” 
“Look!" Anathema cheers. "Mr. Crowley! There he is!”
“Yeah, whatever,” Crowley says, but she sees the slightest twitch of a smile playing at the corners of his lips as he waits for Aziraphale to blow by him into the shop for his daily fare.
Except, he doesn’t. 
It doesn’t look like he’s stopping at all, hurrying through the crowd to continue down the street.
Crowley's twitchy smile withers. Anathema’s jaw drops as she stares at Aziraphale’s back while he walks on. In her peripheral, she sees Crowley’s head bow, his lips tightening into the thinnest of lines as he sinks slowly into his mug of freezing cold cider.
And that's that.
She has to do something! If she doesn’t, Crowley is going to be miserable for the remainder of the afternoon. Grumpy and alone, he'll stay out here well into supper and, in turn, will make her miserable.
She can’t have that.
But she doesn't know how to fix things. She can’t chase after the man. He has a considerable head start. Plus, with the crowd between them, she’s not sure she'll reach him before he gets away. 
She doesn’t know what on Earth possesses her. 
She grabs up the picked apart remains of Crowley’s muffin and, without another thought, hurls it with all her might. She thought she aimed low enough to tag Aziraphale’s shoulder, or brush his arm, but obviously not when she hits the poor man square on the cheek.
Anathema throws her hands over her mouth and gasps.
Crowley launches swiftly to his feet.
Aziraphale stops walking.
“What on Earth!?” Aziraphale mutters, pivoting quickly on his heel and looking over at them in surprise. But he doesn’t see Anathema at all. The second the muffin hits its mark, she says, "Good luck!" and bolts inside the shop, leaving her red-faced companion staring, mouth agape, at the man glaring back with a cheek covered in mascarpone cheese filling.
Aziraphale must recognize the culprit is Crowley because his demeanor changes. He smiles bashfully, feeling his pockets for a handkerchief, but his eyes never leave Crowley's face.
Silently, and from her hiding place just inside, Anathema cheers.
She knew it! She just knew it! 
After a few awkward seconds of searching, Aziraphale still can't seem to find it, and Crowley, realizing that this is the chance he's been waiting for, hurries to the rescue. 
On the brief saunter over, he debates the best opening line for this situation. Hello is first on the list. Hi sounds a bit too casual. Yo pops up to make a short appearance but is brutally beaten to death. What ends up coming out of Crowley's mouth, not even a contender, is, “Here,” as he thrusts a black handkerchief Aziraphale's way.
“Oh!" Aziraphale accepts it gratefully. "Thank you so much, my dear."
"Crowley," Crowley corrects, biting his tongue hard after because what did he have against this man calling him my dear? Not a single, Goddammed thing!
"Aziraphale," Aziraphale offers. "Uh … was that your muffin?”
“No! I mean, ngk … yes, it was. But someone tossed it … I suppose?” Crowley looks over at Anathema, who has the gall to spy on them through her front window, smiling like anything and making, what he can only describe as, encouraging hand motions.
“What kind was it?”
“The muffin of the day - apple cider, filled with …”
“Mascarpone cheese, yes," Aziraphale finishes with a frown. "Was it tasty, at least?”
“To tell you the truth, I don’t know. Didn’t get a nibble of it.”
“Pity.” Aziraphale side-eyes Crowley as he watches him wipe the remaining cheese off his cheek. “Thank you for this,” he says, gesturing with the handkerchief. “I’ll get it cleaned for you.”
“Keep it. This way you have an extra, just in case. You never know when some rogue baker might throw a muffin at you again. Or a doughnut.”
“True. A jam-filled would ruin this coat. It’s one of my favorites, too.”
“Is it?" Crowley steps back, gives the garment a casual once over as if he doesn't have the thing memorized - every line from shoulder to hem, the position of the pockets, the lay of the lapels. "It suits you.”
“Thank you," Aziraphale says, self-consciously tugging at the seams, smoothing out non-existent wrinkles. 
The two men fall silent. Anathema, palms pressed against the glass, starts dramatically mouthing, "Do something! One of you! Do something!"
Neither of them sees her, but Aziraphale says, "Now I’m curious.”
“About what?”
“I’ve never had one of the specialty muffins. Creature of habit, I’m afraid. Always order the same thing.”
“I think she has one left if you’d like to give it a go.”
Aziraphale bites his lower lip, his cheeks turning a fetching shade of rose. “Do you think … would you mind splitting it with me? Then we can both satisfy our curiosities.”
That last part sounds like an invitation to more than sharing a muffin, and Crowley, admittedly dense to those sorts of flirtations, is determined not to let it pass him by.
“That sounds like a brilliant idea.”
Anathema beams when she sees Aziraphale and Crowley heading her way, flashing them a double thumbs-up that only Crowley catches. Crowley rolls his eyes. Aziraphale looks in time to see the top of her head drop below the sill, another unfortunate chair upturning behind her. “Is that the young lady who runs the shop?” he asks, pointing at Anathema's bun bobbing away from the window towards the counter.
“I believe it is,” Crowley says dismissively.
“Is she quite all right?”
“No.” Crowley sets the chairs right at the small table and offers one to Aziraphale. “Not in the slightest.”
35 notes · View notes
edyacouky · 3 years
Text
What an Alpha is
Can be read on AO3
***
Jason has realized quickly that what he want, what he is, isn’t normal. He has realized that before his research for his biological mom. Sometimes, he thought that Bruce and Alfred were family and they loved him. Sometimes he remembered what a great liar they were, all his future depended on them. Sometimes he remembered hos he loved Willis, how he loves Catherine and forgiven Sheila. No matter how much he loved them, he never trusted them with all his soul and heart. Finally he takes his secret on his grave.
Literally.
But now he feels better. Sort of.
Many things happen since his resurrection. But the only person knowing Jason’s secret is Essence.
Jason can’t really explain why. Essence has the same secondary gender as Jason, who is an alpha. She is raised by a culture different from Jason but with cliché about gender too.
When Jason let Essence know, he didn’t expect her to understand or being accepted. But she was.
As much Jason was relieved then, he is still scared that someone knows the true.
Many things happen since Essence.
Now Jason is happily in a relationship with Roy, an omega.
Jason is truly happy, more that he can remembered. And Roy must be too since he didn’t dumped him, yet.
Sex is good too. Jason makes sure of that. Doing like every intercourse may be the last one. Like he fears they could be. And since Roy initiate many time, Jason must succeed. But the true, like his fears, never disappears.
He does his best to fight the thought that harass him, but sometimes he lost.
This time is one of them.
Roy isn’t at home. He shouldn’t come back for a few days. So Jason thinks he is sage enough to succumb. He puts the box that he hides in one of his room walls. He cuts the security while his heart is beating cray. He can’t believe he will finally do it. It’s been months, almost a year.
There is his collection of sex toy in the box.
No fake cunt or anything else alpha are traditionalism portray use it.
There is dildo from different size, color and brand with different option.
Jason almost throw himself on the biggest Bad Dragon he has, then he stops when he see the dildo he brought one time on a space mission. Jason still doesn’t know who invent it and how it works, but this things is wild enough that it provokes Jason’s rut every time, no matter where on his cycle he is.
He had to take a deep breath. It’s been almost a year since he had the audacity to even fingered himself. He has to play soft, at least at first.
His eyes fall on a smaller and less crazy dildo. Its shape make him of Roy’s dick.
Thinking of his mate, guilt submerge him. He hates hide a part of him to Roy, even if it’s just a kinky part of him.
But his biological father’s voice, his old friend's, even Bruce’s friend’s voices remind him that he is abnormal.
An alpha who loves takes it in his ass, he is not a real alpha, neither can be a good mate.
And Jason want to be good, especially for Roy. It’s not like he want Roy to have a different secondary gender or change his.
He imagine Roy fucking him with his dick, how they can play together with a double penetration dildo.
Fuck all this asshole voices, but mostly fuck him.
Horniest is stronger that shame and he takes the smaller dildo.
Once he will have calmed the urge he could become again a good mate for Roy
***
Roy come back much earlier than he expected from his mission. Not that he is disappointed by that, quite the contrary. He missed Jason so much.
He realizes once in the front door that he didn’t warn Jason like he wanted. He can only hope that his mate will be at home.
All the tiredness he feels flies away when he smell sex. No other smell that his mate, so he is absolutely turn on.
“Jaybird.” He sing song while approaching the room
What he sees is so marvelous that he doesn’t believe it at first.
He won’t going to lie, he sometimes imagine fucking Jason. Who could blame him? But Jason never seems interested and Roy didn’t want him to feel pressure to do anything.
But now!
Now that he saw Jason ridding a really monstrous dildo, one of his hand gripping hard the headbed, surrounded by used dildo on their bed, the most illogical part of his omega brain whispers:
“Damn, I want carry his children.”
Not gonna happen if he does the fucking. He just can’t help but always have this though when he is really horny.
Without getting the time to think, Roy join Jason on their bed.
“Jaybird.” He whispers in his ears before kissing him deeply and caressing his fabulous thigh
Jason shivers but kiss him back with abandonment
At first.
As suddenly as unreal everything has been for Roy since he comes back, Jason pushes him violently, making him fall out the bed.
Roy realizes that the fact that Jason wanted alone sex time doesn’t mean that Roy can join him without making sure Jason want him to.
But before he could apologies, the room reek of fear and anger.
The look on Jason’s face freezes Roy.
The betrayal, the terror, the hate.
Roy was hoping fucking Jason, but it seems he fuck it.
“I…
-Get out!”Jason yells using his deep alpha voice
Jason never use it on people he loves, because he knows how you can feel miserable and afraid, even if it may be illogically, when this voice is used.
And damn! Roy feels miserable.
Jason deserves the world, and Roy want to give it to him.
Roy crawls to the bed, to Jason, showing him his neck with pitiful moans. He need to apologies.
But Jason pushes him again, repeat his order with more strength and baring his teeth.
Roy have to admit that he has to back off if he really want things to cool off.
He really, really doesn’t like that but submit.
Carefully he leaves the room and starts pacing in their living room.
He repeats his apologies in his head.
He keep questioning why Jason react so violently.
It’s happened before that Roy or Jason had an alone time and the other want to join. A simply “No” was always enough.
He realizes that he never saw this sex toy before, never Jason shares any interest to play with his hole.
He repeats his apologies in his head.
He start questioning if Jason is attracted by omega. Did he accept this relationship because Kory was part of it at first? Did he keep it because deep down he is afraid of being alone? Or did Roy do or say something that makes Jason thinks he can’t share it with Roy?
He realizes he is waiting for Jason for too long when his stomach starts asking to be fulling.
Roy isn't surprised when he realizes that Jason run away. He is disappointed and terrified.
He hopes that their relationship isn’t over.
***
When Bruce walks in front of Jason’s old room door, he is not surprised when he smells his son’s odor.
Until he remembers that Jason’s smell changed drastically after … everything that happen after Ethiopia.
And he doesn’t smell only the faint old smell of his son, but also loud new Jason’s smell.
He frowns.
He doesn’t remember a time where Jason sleep in here since …
The rare time Jason sleep in the Manor, they open him a new room.
He opens carefully the door.
Jason is hiding, Bruce doesn't know how else describe it, under his sheet. His hairs aren’t visible.
“Jason?” He says quietly
He miss calling him Jaylad, but it feels wrong for now.
Jason groans but doesn’t move.
“Are you ok, Jason?
-I am here. What do you think, Greatest Detective in the World?
-That something really awful must happen to you if you came to your childhood den to have comfort.”
Jason scoff.
“I am here because no one will search me here.”
That’s still hurt to realize that one of his pups doesn’t feel safe in the Manor, that Jason is right when he say no one will search him here.
But worry hits him when he realizes that something awful happen.
“What happen?
-Like you care.
-I do! Jason, tell me what happen.
-Why? So you can make it all about yourself.
-What if I promise to shut up while you will take?”
Jason’s head perk up and he glares at Bruce, judging him.
“I shouldn’t have been resurrected.”
First shot and Jason aims directly to the heart.
Bruce wants to argue with Jason, yells at him for daring saying it.
But he recognizes this light in Jason’s eyes. He test him.
Bruce takes a deep breath, keeps his scent has calming and safe as possible.
“Why do you think that?
-Because it’s true. Jason says with vulnerability. I’m not a good alpha.”
Bruce frowns, doesn’t understand why Jason may think that. Jason never seems like the kind of people who care about what a second gender should be.
And Jason is a good alpha. He is protective of people he considers part of his pack, he is fearless warrior, he is a good provider. He is always more than happy to help and cook for everyone.
“You are a good person, Jason. Bruce tries hoping he doesn’t make Jason angry. So of course you’re a good alpha.
-You don’t understand.” Jason grumble and hide again
Bruce groans and rolls his eyes. And society think that omega are the moody one.
“I can’t understand if you don’t explain it to me.” Bruce argues
Per chance he promised to shut up. Jason will avoid the Manor again for at least a few weeks and Alfred will be super pissed at him.
There is a long silence where Bruce expect Jason too suddenly leave, even punches him. But finally Jason sit down and with spite simply says:
“You can’t be more ashamed of me and I am not your child anymore any way.”
Bruce immediately want to argue. Jason should talk to him because he feels safe and loved, not because their relationship is so bad that he have nothing to lose.
“I am a fucking faggot.” Jason drops
Bruce frowns. It is not a word Jason use and he does that now to qualify himself.
“Why did you say that?
-Because it’s true. I can’t be with Roy now that he knows.
-I don’t think that you cheated on him. And I was sure that you loved Ollies’s omega. So … what happen?”
Jason mumble something, his face tunrs red.
“Do you cheat on him?
-No! Of course no! I will never do that!
-Aren’t you in love with him? Do you want to be in relationship with an alpha?
-No! Jeez, Bruce, you have no idea how much I love him! He will break up with me anyway.”
Bruce tries to pick up the piece together but the clues don’t help him understand the situation.
“Roy will break up with you because you are not straight?
-Yes! An alpha that like take it in his ass, is not a real alpha, he is not a good mate!”
Bruce blinks rapidly. Like … what?
“Everyone knows that! Jason tries to defend himself
-Well everyone is stupid.”
Jason groans and get up.
“I don’t know what I was thinking, coming here.
-Jason please wait …
-No. I need to talk to Roy. Sooner the better. See you next time B.”
And just like that Jason leaves.
And just like that Bruce feels he let him down once again.
***
Jason doesn’t really know what he expect when he come back to his home.
Maybe Roy take this things and leave, blocking his phone number. Jason will understand if he does. But it’s not Roy’s style do to that.
“Roy.” He call hims
He doesn’t see him in the living room nor the kitchen.
Blushing he goes to their bedroom. Roy has tidy up his sex toy. Knowing that Roy clean them and put them back in their box is so embarrassing. Bu he doesn’t know if he could have endure seeing them spread out and dirty on his bed.
After looking in the bathroom, Jason is sure that Roy isn’t here, but his things are still there.
In desperation, Jason sit on the couch playing with his phone. He should apologies for using his alpha voices and running away, but what if Roy had blocked his phone number?
Damn, why can’t he have more self control?
He start thinking where could be Roy and who he should call if Roy really block him.
Suddenly the front door open and Roy appears.
“Yeah thanks. I already went there. Tell me if you …”
Roy finally see Jason and smile at him.
“No forget what I told you. It’s ok now. Yeah, I will call you later.”
Without letting Jason time to apologies, Roy sit down on the couch next to him.
“You came back. And only after a few hours.
-Yeah, I start getting better at that.”
There is a silence where neither of them don’t know what to say.
“I am sorry.”
Jason frowns and argues:
“You have nothing to apologies for…
-Of course! I should ask you if I can join you and not assume…
-Roy….please stop...It’s not for that I freak out…
-Is not?”
Jason shakes his head and takes a deep breath.
“I am the one you should apologies. I shouldn't use the alpha voice. It was a shitty thing to do and I am sorry.
-Honestly I was more surprised. I really freak you out didn’t I?
-No...I mean...sort of. But it’s not an excuse and I am sorry.
-What do you mean by “sort of”?”
Jason tuck his sleeve and bit his tongue.
“I never want you to see me like that.
-Like that?
-I really love you and want to be a good mate to you. I am sorry I disappointed you.
-Disappointed me? Hold on. Can we rewind?”
Roy stand up and start to pace trying to understand what’s going on since he came back from the mission.
“Ok so first thing first, did I like that you used you alpha voice? No, but I am not disappointed in you. And why shouldn’t I think that you aren’t a good mate?
-You saw what I did! I am a freak, you can tell it!
-What you did?”
Roy rethink what he saw in the room. The only thing he was disappointed it’s how it ended. He really feels blessed to have saw Jason so debauched playing with himself like that.
“The sex toy, Roy! Jason yells impatient blushing furiously. I put it in my ass!
-Oh yeah, that was really hot.
-What?
-I mean I would have loved participate of course. I am on board with that too. But I won’t be disappointed if you like doing it alone or only with alpha or male beta. You respect my limit, I will respect yours.
-You are not disgusted?
-Wow! How did we go to disappointed to disgusted? No I am neither of them.
-Really?
-Really.”
Jason feel like he can finally breath. When Roy sit down against him again, Jason kiss him tenderly. He start crying too, but he feels too much joy and relief.
“Are you alright?
-Yeah I’m good. I just … I just open about it only with one person, I was always so afraid to be see as less alpha. Thank you Roy.
-I love you Jason. I won’t think less of you because of that. But I still have some question.”
Jason sight but smile.
“Shoot.”
Roy takes Jason’s hand in his and look at him even if Jason avoid his eyes.
“Do you love omega? Roy finally ask
-Is that a trick to ask me if I love you?
-Maybe. Sort of. Do you?”
Jason finally look at him with so much sorrow, it provokes Roy a twinge.
“I do. Jason caress tenderly Roy’s cheek. More than any word or act can prove you.”
Damn Roy fall in love with Jason everyday.
They kiss slowly, tenderly. Things aren’t always easy but they are so happy they have found each other.
“I am sorry I make you doubt that.
-I am just glad we clear it up.”
They kiss again.
“Do you have anymore question?
-Well I have one more question in mind. Roy says playfully. Next you play with your dildo - you have a really impressive collection if I can say it -…
-Asshole.
-Can I participate or … at least watch it?”
Jason close his eyes and bites his lips but smiles.
His cheeks turn beautifully red.
“I really love the idea of you being a really active participant.
-But…?
-I had sex with just one alpha before and I never do more with anyone less. So I want it but … Can we take it slowly?
-Of course we can, baby.
-I may freak out again.
-You may. But it’s not a big deal. You are here for me, I am here for you. We are partner in every sense of the word.
-Love you.
-Love you too.
-By the way, who did you warn about my running away?
-Artemis and Bizarro.
-You realize they will kick my ass?
-Don’t worry my alpha. I will protect you.”
The end.
10 notes · View notes
liercrow34 · 3 years
Text
Steps to start play poker
1. THE RULES, POSITIONS AND POKER HANDS POSITION. Naturally, this is definitely the first step an individual want to get and the most players recognize that. While understanding general poker rules can be effortless, you should really invest some time understanding exactly what poker hand position is. You must not be in the spot where you stand in typically the middle of typically the hand and include to think have you been beating a right with your flush or even not and be spending your valuable selection time on that. This is precisely how poker hand ranking looks: Learning jobs is invaluable and even you should certainly not start playing before doing that. You probably have heard already, even if you did not play before, that place is very important in online poker. I would say, even more, it truly is 1 of the nearly all important poker guidelines you need in order to learn when starting out! Techniques not necessarily overlook it! Typically, if you possess a posture on additional players it means you are operating after them and it enables to discover what they do before producing your decision. This is a huge chunk info, which you can take into consideration. On the boat if that they bet or examine, how long they take to make a decision and what dimension they are using. For example, viewing that your opponent checks quickly may be an excellent indication of him or her having a poor hand and a person can opt to stone cold bluff knowing that. There are various examples like this particular one, but one thing is clear? it is best to observe that information than to give it to your adversary. When you will be ready to learn poker strategy just remember that will having a placement is crucial inside poker variations and you should play a lot more hands while in position. The arms you decide to be able to play are generally affected by the position you are inside. The later location you have a lot more hands you could be opening plus putting far more pressure on your opponents. One of typically the first things we all cover in online poker coaching sessions will be preflop ranges and you may take a search at my beginning hands from various positions here. Get my preflop holdem poker cheat sheet now and improve your own strategy at when! Always take this online poker tip into account ahead of jumping into your current games. Many players find no interest in playing reduced games, however you want to see that will your goal is to find out poker strategy and not to spend money while performing that. Therefore, you do have a few reasons for starting at very low stakes: Firstly, you will feel more comfortable knowing that you are not risking a lot of money and perhaps if you lose some at the beginning it may not hurt you. You will end up being able to find out the game and can not be shelling out a lot associated with money on the particular process so that will is an excellent idea. Secondly, some sort of player? s level of skill increases every period if you move up stakes. Starting from the lowest restrictions lets you play versus weakest players and find out the game instead of giving money to ones who are very much better right this moment. Finally, it enables you to discover the whole image and get the feel the full sport looks. You can understand positions, what poker hands you should play and can acquire everything in practice. Before moving up you need to be able to learn poker strategy and make sure that a person feel comfortable in a game that a person play. Another component that you should take in consideration is Bank roll Management, it is an independent topic and you will examine more about that Poker Bankroll Management here! This is usually a bit dire to the past tip for starting up at lower pegs, but finding the best games will assist you to even more and even drastically increase your own EV. You cannot find any spot for ego throughout poker, and if an individual stick to participating in better players, you can be losing. As basic as that. Also if you are the 10th greatest player in the world but continue to keep battling against typically the nine who happen to be better than a person, you will move broke sooner or even later. Truth being said, this is usually extremely important for just about every poker player, simply no matter how very good these are since it will verify your succeed rate. Additionally, an individual will have smaller sized swings in better games and may be able to be able to progress the stakes much quicker, which is definitely a massive reward on its own. If you happen to be not sure just how to find typically the best games, in this article are the top methods for you: Seem for best games for your file format (some rooms are better for money games and other for MTTs) Research when you can actually find top traffic and even more recreational gamers Locate the best choice accessible in your nation to be safe when playing and secure your own money Many beginner players come up with a massive mistake of taking part in too wide and even opening way too many Tx Holdem hands. The real key when you usually are starting out would be to play only your current strongest hands to take care of VPIP poker stat at a reduced side and steer clear of many tough choices post-flop. This may permit you play fewer, but more boldy when you choose to consider your hand straight into action. Most associated with your opponents found in low games heading to be actively playing random hands a lot of the time and using this poker suggestion alone will let you start prior to them. Using this kind of it will be possible to find out poker strategy without having losing money and a much even more effective way. Therefore be raising and even betting yourself whenever you play instead of just calling and place maximum pressure on your opponents. Knowing that that you include the advantage of holding much better hands pre-flop you will be merely winning against their particular array of cards inside the long work. When deciding which usually hands to perform in Texas hold em, your own position going in order to be just about the most significant factors to consider. You win even more money from later positions so attempt to play a lot more hands from right now there. Since all the poker coaching moves around 6max holdem poker strategy I may give you an illustration for this: Perform very tight by early positions, broaden up going closer to the BTN trying to steal more pots there. By a long way the most rewarding position in poker is Button (BTN) and sitting right now there you will be playing significantly more hands as compared to from any placement. It is proceeding to take some time out find used to this, but always carry your position into consideration when determining which hands to play. I cannot perspire it enough exactly how important this online poker tip is! Your own goal is to be able to learn poker approach and concentrate about seeing all the details. Thus leave multi-tabling regarding the future, stick with one table, and try to absorb all typically the information you can get. Look precisely how your opponents are playing and what fingers they have with showdown. As we all said, concentrate in using your placement and playing the tight-aggressive approach this means you will take you very far. Emotions are usually your enemy on the poker table. Sure enough that you can easily start feeling angry or sad whenever you lose while playing and you need to deal using this as well, although don? t help make it even more serious by starting your current games when a person feel bad.
twitter
We have been doing stupid points when we are tired, angry, or perhaps even drunk it will cost us a lot of cash. Avoid starting your games when a person feel bad and that will be the first, but a new very big stage in becoming a new better poker participant. When you will end up being able to package with these emotions, you can take it one phase further and get a short while to get ready for your periods before starting playing. To get more info regarding self-management and mental game be sure to obtain my FREE poker book! You should know holdem poker odds you must strike the winning palm and what weed odds you will be getting. All an individual have to do then is help to make your decisions dependent on it and not your emotions. What are the cooking pot odds? It is a concept that lets you understand will you be getting typically the right price to continue with the hand and assist you to associated with right decision. This is the big concept and something that we is going to not be handling deeply, but Let me give you a new quick list most common Texas Holdem hands and precisely how many outs you have to boost a specific hand till next street: Gut-shot? 4 outs Two overcards? 6 outs Open-ended straight pull? 8 outs Get rid of draw? 9 outs Flush draw and gut-shot? 12 outs Straight flush pull? 15 outs An individual can have an excellent indication how probably you are to improve your odds by simply multiplying your outs by a couple of if want to be able to know an approximate likelihood of hitting your hand on up coming street or growing by 4 should you be looking for the quantity how likely you are going to improve your hand coming from flop to typically the river. In http://parimatch-turk.org have an open-ended straight pull on the fail with 8 outs you can count that you'll improve this approximately 8*2 sama dengan 16% on the turn and strike your straight or even 8*4 = 32% of the time with the river. These types of are not exact numbers tend to be very close to correct ones and by far it is definitely the best plus easiest way to be able to learn poker approach. Moreover, you will find much more information within my full article regarding poker odds and so i highly recommend looking at it. Think concerning it when making a choice with a new draw and acquire this poker suggestion seriously. When a person know how likely, an individual are to enhance your poker hand if you have the draw you have got to learn to put your opposition over a range. This will enable you to understand how many outs you actually possess and then make a a lot more educated decision. Numerous factors can advise what hands your opponent could be playing. It is really tough and innovative topic, but you can start together with a straightforward version associated with it. Think of their position, what hands he could always be opening and actively playing after that; His post-flop action can recommend what he could have. Betting or checking can show his strength or perhaps weakness and you ought to get looking for that will information; Board feel is a crucial factor to take into thought too. People will be less likely to have many strong practical dry boards compared to connected ones; A period he takes to generate a decision and sizes he is employing will give us additional information as well. Right now there are many things to consider and also you need a whole lot of practice to be able to be able to be able to think about that. Do not blame yourself if you fight with it at the beginning. As we explained this is a complex matter, that has books created nearly it therefore do not anticipate to master it in a day time or a full week. Keep playing plus learn poker strategy in the right way! Usually do not tumble into a routine of making choices automatically. It will be a huge oversight that even superior players are generating most of the time in addition to killing all of their possibilities to win funds. Take your moment and think concerning all the things we already talked about. Especially at typically the beginning, it could be overwhelming believing about everything simultaneously, like your positions, poker hand ranking, opponent? s greeting cards plus much more. That is definitely why you have to follow that online poker tip of taking part in only one table and take all the time you need to choose your choices. A long time period ago, I had been describing how to participate in poker to our friend who by no means played before in addition to after discussing for a while, he said:? Therefore basically I require to play any time I have the hand and fold while i don? big t?. I do think this is one of typically the best advice an individual can get if just starting enjoying and learning. Involving course, when you move up stakes and begin playing bigger game titles this will not really be a choice since many players usually tend to play far more aggressive there in addition to bluff more, so that you need to study how to play against them. But also in the beginning, keeping to this plan is the best bet. If you move up plus start playing some sort of bit more reasonable opponents I extremely recommend you checking out out Poker Video tutorials! You can get your game one stage further by crushing the opponents in the particular way you do not think seemed to be possible! You have to have to take this particular poker tip in to serious consideration. Once your passive opponents who will be just calling all the time start raising out of nowhere you should be folding the lot and actually a number of your sturdy hands. Most associated with the time 1 pair hands perhaps as good as a top match or an overpair should go in to a muck. If just starting actively playing you will have got some problems allowing go of these hands, but it really is one particular thing that you need to learn if you would like to become successful. Gamers in the most affordable games are certainly not bluffing so very much and in the long term, you will become doing yourself a big favor by folding one pair arms to aggression in these spots. Not every opponents are passive ones and when you might be playing against a maniac or even someone that is very extreme and raising constantly you must not be folding these hands. An individual need to realize there are different sorts of players and also you really need in order to play differently against them. The past part of my poker tips list will help you deal with this particular. If you need to be capable to compete together with players even upon lower stakes, an individual should get certain help. I feel not talking regarding advanced programs that can help a person learn GTO poker strategy, but a new simple one that will every player need to have. Tracking software is essential because you can see stats on your opponents and recognize how they are participating in. It lets a person quickly spot the particular different types associated with opponents that an individual will be facing and also to change your current poker strategy in addition to decisions depending on that. In my opinion, certainly the finest program for this is Hold em Manager 2 and you can get yourself a FREE trial involving HM2 here!
1 note · View note
wroteclassicaly · 5 years
Text
Dibs
A/N: Heeeeeeeey, loves! I’m back and pretty proud of this one! It’s a two part story, this obviously being the first part. Smut will be in the next one. I’ve wanted to write this idea since I came up with it the night of the season premiere. 
Reader is plus size in this one. She is also Chef Bertie’s daughter. There’s some major self-esteem issues and some self-bashing in this one, so be warned. I hope ya’ll enjoy! Lemme know what you think? :) 
P.S. I’ve changed a few things around to fit the reader in. Dialogue, mostly. It’s not that much of a change though, so don’t worry. 
Also, I can’t seem to get my taglist to work right, so I don’t tag anyone. I’m sorry. :(
Pairing: Xavier Plympton x Female reader
Word count: 2,691
Warnings: Explicit language, references to smut and virginity, self-esteem issues, poor body image issues
Tumblr media
Looking forward to something during the summer months wasn't usually your forte, but this season seemed to be taking drastic approaching turns already. You'd been coerced into coming help your mom work the kitchen of Camp Redwood. Massacres and legends galore, bugs and snakes touring your housing. Sounded so fun to you. Your mom didn't want to leave you at your home alone, so you hesitantly agreed to get away from the dangers in Los Angeles and help out at the camp with her.
The drive up you imagined all sorts of various and vile scenarios. Woods and stories caught your imagination and refused to leave without a searing tongue lashed haunting. Your mom had assured you things would be okay this time around, that she wouldn't let anything happen to you, but it still felt so unsettling to be surrounded by nothing but dirt and trees and a large body of midnight fresh water. For your mom, however, you opted for the positive side of things, and sucked it up. You met with the eccentric and eerie Margaret, hovering closely to any exits you could think about, then escaped to the cabin you would be sharing with your mother to put your things away.
Margaret had informed you and your mom that a group of counselor volunteers would be arriving in the afternoon, leaving your stomach to tumble into the anxiety founded pits it always was. You hated much social interaction, even living in one of the world's largest cities. You avoided leisure activities and parties that were too high octane. You cared only about the peace and quiet, a few close friends, your books, and your music. You were grateful you had been permitted to bring along some albums and your record player, because without it, you could not function.
Setting out your music, you had tasked yourself out to sweep and mop the dining hall and kitchen. Covered in sweat and grime, hair pulled back into a messy mopped bun, the entire area became brand new once more. So much so that you had to stand and admire, the enriching draped melodies from Stevie Wonder casting a serene, echoing production to highlight your hard work. You hadn't noticed until Margaret jabbed a nail into your tank top clad shoulder, causing you to nearly deck her in the face with your broom handle. She raised a manicured brow, annoyance perched on her poker faced features, asking you to come meet the newest additions to the staff, as they would be arriving soon and you still had to bring food into the kitchen pantry.
Reluctantly, you followed your camp leader out into your new life for the next few months.
~*~
Present day: The First Night
Your insides feel as if they have all been twisted together like licorice, coolness spreading through your veins, erecting goosebumps all across your flesh. You self-consciously grip your noticeable stomach, already prepared for an array of flashy and skimpy clothed girls to accompany muscular, tight fitted guys. You don't fit in. Not being more than overweight, but what doctors seemed to call obese, with a swell to your face and the rest of you in places all around your thick form. In this day and age, not many girls your size are praised or celebrated in music and on television.
Sure, there were a few, but the movies you have seen are the overweight girl being an extra, a classmate, the bestfriend, the loner, the reject, or the propping joke. Fat is funny in LA, you aren't stupid. And no matter how far you run from it, you'd have to face scrutiny, even here. Your thinking is pregnant with triplets on this one, as you don't even bat a blink walking out with the Carrie White's mother - Margaret White -esque Camp owner, to meet everyone. Worn sneakers and boots from different brand names dusted in California soil is what you see before meeting the eyes of a very petite brunette.
That's the first counselor that smacks your self-esteem straight into the pits of hell. And the blonde girl near her in the colorful and tight outfit? Yeah, you want to find a hole and dig it twelve feet under. Six feet for your humiliation, adding on an additional six for your fat ass body. You want to run, but, yeah, right.
If you don't speak then you will look stupid, more so than you do now, covered in perspiration and dirt smudges. Margaret makes an introduction that collides right into you stepping behind your mom, getting an eyeful of the two handsome guys with the girls, reaching for a crate of eggs, attempting to look busy as to bay the awkward pause. Everyone says a few brisk words of greeting, those male counselors snickering. Why did you come here? The risks back home are far more tempting right about now.
Your nose catches the scent first, the sound of the person's shoes hitting ground second. Clad in this overly musky scent that seems to glide itself across the air, a rapturous, creamy silk-like voice hits the atmosphere and flips you head over ass.
"Dibs."
Your mom is snapping back with her wit, shoving her crate into his hands and moving away from his speechless face to leave you visible. Standing still, your box seemingly heavy, body light, you can't but help yourself to a heaping serving of observation. His pants are tan, or white, belt tightly securing those defined hips, his sneakers stretched over long feet (don't they say long feet mean... okay then, holy fuck), and sea-foam green muscle tank that leaves nothing to the imagination, except how much leverage you'd have to straddle his chest...
"And this is Y/N. She's joining us with her mother, whom is Chef Bertie. She won't be bunking with the ladies, however. But I still expect of all you to get along and make her feel apart of things, as she will also be partaking in counselor duties for the summer." Margaret's voice interjects, right smack into your looking into this guy's angelically crafted face.
You can't see what color his eyes are over his designer frames, just blue hued glimpses reflected off California sunshine. His plump lips are wet with amusement and surprise at your reveal, jaw sharp and alert, so arching and shaped it can cut through glass. There's a small cross dangling from his left ear, his hair is frosted at the top. He looks like some guitarist that has actual angel wings. His arms are steady, hands big.
You can swear there's a saxophone player somewhere playing a soundtrack for this very moment. You kind of, no, record SCRATCH that, you definitely need to find a seat somewhere and pour a glass of ice water over your head. For a fleeting moment you think you might need to attempt Olympic running towards the infirmary, cause this is some sort of General Hospital soap opera scene. You can't stop yourself from how you do react though. Biting your upper lip, eyes dashing mad all across his body, you're engulfed in more than the summer California heat.
You see the metal of his silver cross earring catch the light, and you know that even God himself can't help you now. Looking at this man in the blue shirt, you feel as if you've committed a lifetime of the most blood deep sins. You feel the need to ask Margaret to save you in the lake, some prayer needing to happen before you feel anymore guilt for objectifying this stranger. What feels like never-ending hours is merely a minute at most, making you look even more awkward and ignorant. Margaret does save you this time, introducing each counselor, the sensual blue eyed boy called Xavier Plympton, to your amusement, then with a seemingly arrogant grin on her peach painted lips, demands you take Xavier and the other two attractive male counselors - Ray and Chet, to finish carrying the crates of fruit and eggs to the kitchen pantry.
A dying 'hi' towards the friendly faces of the group is all you muster, rolling a shoulder back to the truck for the boys to take the hint. Xavier already has his share from what your mom gave him, so it's quick work for the other two. You don't talk, don't look at any of them on the way into the large dining area and back into the kitchen where your mom is hard at work. All the guys pile beside you, so you figure that now is the time to find your damn voice box and activate its fucking switch.
"You can just leave the stuff here, guys. Some of the other staff is in charge of stocking it anyways. They're real particular on everything, you know? We appreciate your help!" You ramble on, eyes widening when you spot Xavier - shades now clipped to his collar - smirking at you, pearly whites gleaming tauntingly.
Everyone, yourself included, all discard your food onto the chipped wooden counter. You fold your hands into fists on its hard surface, knuckles pressing together, lips pinched tight, feeling this tickle attack you from the tips of your toes and back, leaving you absolutely parched and winded both.
"So you're the Chef's daughter, huh?" Ray is the first to speak to you.
You turn to his direction to see him leaning a few feet beside you, propped against the end of the countertop by his elbow. His smile is genuine, calm, excited even.
He must really have wanted to be here this summer.
"Yeah." Is your proud response. Your mom is a hard worker with a zero tolerance policy for bullshit or dumbasses, so you're very proud to call yourself her child.
"Kind of a given you'd be here with her, right? That's cool. Most kids wouldn't volunteer their time to help their Mama at some sweaty ass camp in the middle of nowhere. You even gettin' anything in return from this?" Ray questions again.
Your body warms a little, not used to this duration of a conversation, let alone by someone this cute, this cool, who seems nice enough. You find yourself softening towards his presence, friendly and open in your answers.
"She'll share whatever she makes with me, so it's a win win. I have to clean the camp, so I'll also pull in my own money, then we put it all together. Living in LA is fucking expensive."
"Wait-" Chet cuts in. "You still live with your mom? Aren't you in your twenties or some shit? Don't you have any plans back home?"
Yup, there it is.
You were expecting some sort of snide commentary from at least someone in this group. You're unsure how to answer. It's not that your lifestyle is something you're ashamed of, it's just that you're beyond sick and tired at the ridicule it brings. Your mood is deflated, head bowing a little at Chet's laughter. Maybe it's not malicious, but to you, it isn't funny either.
"At least she didn't blow a chunk of cash on condoms and cheap ass cologne to impress Brooke. No one likes a cocky counselor, Chet." Sounds to your left.
Ray snorts into his hand, easing back at Xavier's biting remark. Your jaw becomes unhinged with a loud giggle that makes Xavier lick his tongue across the top edge of his teeth. He's super focused on you, sharing this knowing that eases and unsettles you all at once. Ray and Chet begin a bicker at Chet's expense, Xavier continuing to watch you in a similar fashion as you were observing him earlier. The floor feels like lava under your feet, your legs jello.
"Better get back outside, kids. Boss lady will be getting impatient." Your mom's helper speaks to you from the kitchen.
You give him a nod, trance broken. Moving one foot in front of the other is hard, but you get it right, breezing past Xavier and the rest, right back into the summer heat wave.
~*~
After the conversation your mom directed over her history with this Camp and her current decision to return, Margaret invited you to tour the grounds again with everyone else after formal introductions were completed. You weren't going to disagree, not with the possibility of sneaking looks in Xavier's way, hearing the things that came from his perfect mouth. You're fucking sickening, like some dingbat ditz on a sugar high that's having an affair with lust. The whole tour was boring and subpar, but worth it to see Xavier in action. Margaret stops everyone outside the cabin with, in your opinion, the finest views, to preach her rules onto everyone.
You're cringing, already choking on heaps of unshed laughter and snorts. Everyone but Brooke seems to be amused. Brooke seems the most like you, so it's a comfort. Xavier has his debate locked and gone, metaphoric smoke trailing behind of his tongue, following his words like a steaming mug of honey-hot tea. After his fist bump with Ray he makes sure to give a nodding little grin your way.
A bashful smile colors your mouth.
"Y/N is true to her pure body, to herself, to the Lord. She hasn't polluted it with the perversions of today, have you, sweetheart?" Margaret's voice is that bucket of ice water you could've used earlier.
You have to grab onto the other side of the doorway to keep it together, your heartbeat in your throat. How in the fuck does she know what you do, or for that damned matter, if you've done anyone before? The entirety of everyone's attention is on you now. Your eyes are sharp on Margaret's, her joy apparent. You see right through her bullshit.
She can read people, and she's just used that to her very public advantage.
Whatever. Fuck her.
"I don't know how you’d know about my personal life, or why it matters towards the situation of a damned summer camp, Miss Booth." You snap, cheeks hot with anger, neck flushed with adrenaline. 
Her head twitches as if she's some robotic experiment in a lab, but she catches herself, a plastered on smile melting back into place. "Damned is the farthest thing from the grounds on which this Camp sits, Y/N. And as for your earlier inquiry? I have known your mother for half of my adult life, so that means I also know you."
You're in place, still stunned. How does knowing your mom have anything to do with Margaret knowing you're a virgin? It's not something your mom would broadcast to anyone. Luckily, it's a dropped topic. You're given looks you expect, especially by Chet and Montana. Ray and Brooke, who stops to turn around and give a compassionate smile, are the more sympathetic and understanding.
That leaves... him. You're petrified to turn and see his cliché reaction. He doesn't say anything, not at first, only moving past you. But when stops, a partial pivot, there's an almost relieved expression on his face. The breeze picks up a little, making you brush a lock of escaped hair from your messy style.
The grass and dirt crunches under his weight as he approaches you, stopping a decent distance. You can't breathe, can't comprehend anything out of this shared airspace. The wind has the little cross swaying against his lobe, his lips are plump, the blue in his eyes darkening to the shadows of the summer shade. There's rain on the air. It's going to rain tonight.
"You know I teach at an exercise studio in Los Angeles, Y/N? I'm good at helping people learn."
So he's baiting me to come to his gym with my fat body? Prolong the shame?
You want to further scold yourself for thinking he'd be anything but a shallow Hollywood hottie. Typical.
Before the tears even make themselves form, Xavier is moving closer. You don't stop him, don't take the out his slow and respectful pace is giving you. He's tilting in a little more so that wisp of frosted hair brushes your nose, his breath warm and minty.
"A virgin, huh? I guess it works out that I'm a teacher."
315 notes · View notes
izukyu · 4 years
Text
Winter Solstice.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Keigo Takami (Hawks) x Reader for @red-white-n-daddyissues​
I'm your Secret Santa! ☃️♡
word count: 1.5k worth of me just blabbering.
warnings: angst, and just. yeah. some cursing too, death mentions if you look closely. 
author’s note: :( i don’t like angst. there’s not much i can say though, this is my first time writing hawks and this type of sad stuff. but i liked it, so i hope you do too. happy holidays! (tagging @thejoystickofaswitch​​, i hope you like it!).
Tumblr media
“Winter is the time for comfort – it is the time for home.” - Edith Sitwell.
Tumblr media
Whenever Keigo admitted Christmas wasn’t his thing, to avoid putting it in cruder terms, people looked at him in disbelief.
How come the jolly, light-hearted, and somewhat annoying pro hero disliked the holiday?
To be fair, he didn’t dislike the holiday itself. Giving and receiving gifts, spending time with the people you love, along with cooking delicious meals was right up his alley, after all. 
Albeit maybe the cooking part was not entirely true, he could barely microwave chicken tenders without rendering his kitchen into the aftermath of one of Endeavor’s fights.
What he did like was giving presents. Keigo had vague memories of never having any luxuries as a child, so anything he could share with others, who were possibly in the same situation he was ages ago, he gladly did.
Nevertheless, whenever the hero had to patrol the streets during this time of year, his mood changed drastically. 
His smile turned into a deep frown, and his flight went from steady to wavering. Families were out shopping, kids dragged their parents around to different toy shops, and almost everyone seemed to have an unfaltering smile on their rosy faces.
Almost everyone.
It’s not as if Hawks became a full-on grinch as soon as the last month of the year started. He just became so… gloomy and uncharacteristically sad, as his colleagues would describe his recent change of persona.
Keigo himself would use different wording, however.
Broken-hearted. Melancholic. And purely unhappy.
Hawks hated Christmas because you were no longer by his side to celebrate with him.
Tumblr media
“You know, maybe you should talk to someone.”
Endeavor would have killed to avoid having this conversation with possibly the most irritable man on existence, in his opinion. But the way everyone in the agency seemed to pity his recent change of attitude left him with no other choice.
“Oh?” No teasing words came from the winged hero, something oddly abnormal. The last time Endeavor had shown some trace of worry over him he never heard the end of it.
But even Hawks’ voice was different. It was hoarse, and it held no emotion to it. Almost as if the conversation seemed to bore him the longer it went on—although its current runtime was a total of twenty seconds.
Even so, Endeavor had worked alongside him long enough to know the man was probably incapable of ever doing something without emotion, let alone something as trivial as speaking.
It was hard to pinpoint, given he rarely displayed that kind of vulnerability, but he came to the conclusion that Hawks was wretched, sad.
Endeavor had never been good with words, much less with comfort, so there really was nothing he could do to possibly help him. And for a moment he wondered—was there really anything that could possibly pull Hawks out of his slump?
“Take the rest of the day off Hawks, you look like you need it.”
Without further ado, Hawks was already flying away, leaving a single red feather behind.
Tumblr media
Majestic red wings dragged him through the sky. Keigo waited until he was too high for anyone to truly recognize him before his face broke into a scowl, along with letting out a guttural groan.
Hawks this, Hawks that. Fuck, he hated how the name sounded right now. The word itself seemed empty, dull—meaningless.
Never had he felt this type of hatred toward his own hero persona.
News sources labeled him as the “the man who's a bit too fast”; still and all, Keigo had been too slow to notice the person he loved the most slipping away. His keen eyes hadn’t been sharp enough to discern between days when you were just not feeling it and forgotten anniversaries. 
Most importantly, his large, crimson wings failed to give you a sense of protection—a sense of belonging.
Keigo had promised to protect you from the imminent dangers that came with dating him during a rainy night. The drops of water washed away both of your tears, although he still had that endearing smile of his as he held your quivering body, his wings moving to form a makeshift umbrella.
You had no grin on your face though, not even a trace of a smile.
Hawks, the name you knew him by, would then mutter a soft “I love you”. Perhaps you returned the words, but the ringing from his phone took away his attention from you. To him, you were an angel, and sometimes he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact you were real.
Yet again, his phone pulled him back to a world where he was a hero with duties. Some which were urgent, as his alarm currently indicated. A world different from yours, according to him.
To Keigo, you were his soulmate.
To Hawks, you were nothing.
That should have probably been the first red flag in your relationship.
Tumblr media
The madness that would later unveil started on the 21st of December. The day had started as bright and overall joyful, and for once, Keigo let his guard down. 
He would never admit it, but at first, he didn't notice your absence.
It was clear you weren't home, but Keigo dismissed it as last-minute shopping. Somehow his ego convinced him you were out in the busy, cold streets trying to buy him a last-minute gift.
And he pondered for a second about getting you something else as well, something nice.
The thought left his mind as quickly as it came.
It wasn't until the clock struck midnight that Keigo began to worry. He had no calls or unopened texts from you. It was the longest night of the year, and he had no clue where you were.
The winged hero thought about it for the rest of the night, trying to ransack his memories for any conversation you two had before that day. Surely you would have mentioned something regarding your little escapade.
Maybe if he had come to his senses fast enough he would have still managed to catch up to you, bag slung over your shoulder as you waited for the train to take you away. Far, far away from what you once called home.
Or at least that's what Keigo convinced himself that happened. He truly didn't know where you went, or whether you were okay. 
But it was easier to imagine you having a good time rather than deprived of the living world. The thought alone made his stomach revolve, and tears prick his eyes.
However, he was an optimistic man. And for four more days, Keigo convinced himself you went out to visit your family in your hometown. Which would explain why your entire belongings were gone; clothes, IDs, papers…
Fuck, where even was your hometown?
It was now Christmas eve, and Keigo refused to work late that night. He told his coworkers he had plans with you, when in reality the first thing he did when he got to your shared home—he refused to call it anything else—was turn the whole place upside down. 
There had to be some sort of clue as to where you were, or why you left.
And there was. It should have been clear as day, but Keigo's ever so sharp eyes managed to miss it every single time he’d gone inside your shared room—again, he refused to call it by anything else.
Your promise ring.
The winged hero paused for a moment, a silent sob forcing itself out of his throat.
You'd been carrying around that ring for years now. Truly miserable on his part. How long had you waited for him to replace that simple silver band with something much more flashier and official?
Too long, it seemed. Long enough that you gave up on waiting.
Although the ring wasn't a lead for his personal investigation, its rusty and old facade left something clear. The monsters who he had feared had taken you away from him, kidnapped, abducted you, hurt you, were nothing but a product of his imagination.
The only person resembling such malice would be himself, the number two Pro Hero, Hawks.
He had always loved the way it rolled out of your tongue.
Had you ever even said his actual name?
Had he ever even told you his actual name?
Tumblr media
The next day, the present, inevitably came, and children around the world opened the gifts underneath their christmas trees, accompanied by their loved ones.
But all Keigo had at the crack of dawn that same day was a tear stained shirt, broken phone, and a mess of his previously somewhat clean home—something you would always encourage him to keep up.
He was no longer able to ignore the facts.
You were gone, and suddenly the world wasn't as bright as it had been before.
Maybe if he had just slowed down to pay attention to your slowly decaying state of mind then you'd be there with him, cuddling closer to his body as you played those catchy christmas songs you loved.
But all Keigo had was a takeout menu in his hands. No warmth, no dumb jingles, nothing.
You weren't there, and it hurt so much.
Keigo would never get tired from saying it. Christmas fucking sucked, and it was all his fault.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
134 notes · View notes
deadshctx · 4 years
Text
Tumblr media
hiya folks! spike here, with my angsty son FLOYD LAWTON. i have his bio up HERE and his full application under the cut. LIKE THIS POST and i’ll hop in ur dms for plots! 
IN CHARACTER:
basic info
full name: Floyd Lawton
face claim: Dev Patel
age (include physical age, if different): 30
gender & preferred pronouns: cismale, he/him
MBTI Type: ISTP
occupation: NOVA Contractor
aliases (if any): Deadshot
affiliations (if any): NOVA, ARGUS, Task Force X
1. Is your character human, mutant, metahuman, alien, inhuman, or other? If other, please elaborate: Human
2. What are your characters powers/special abilities, if any?: n/a
3. Please provide three headcanons for your character:
1) Floyd isn’t suicidal, but he has a death wish. There’s a sort of carelessness to the way he works that betrays the little worth he places on his life. He tends to deflect any observations about this with humor—most people who work with him know not to question. It doesn’t get in the way of him getting the job done. He just knows that his job is high risk, and if he dies...he just doesn’t care.
2) Of the members of the suicide squad, Floyd was probably the most level-headed. He was never the kind of costumed criminal the rest of them were, not the type to make flashy shows of his work or do it because of some innate desire. Sure, it takes a certain kind of person to become an assassin of his caliber, but make no mistakes: he has always just been in it for the paycheck.
3) A faraway dream of Floyd’s is to move to India with Zoe, where no one would be able to find them. If he could give it up—if he thought he’d ever be able to give up Deadshot—he’d do it in a heartbeat. He knows, however, that it’s never going to happen. He’s never going to be able to stay out of trouble, and he was just going to have to live with the havoc that would wreak on his daughter’s life.
4. List four personality traits (two positive and two negative) and explain how they influence your character.
+ focused
Floyd has always been good at his job. It was something that came naturally to him, always a fastidious, methodical young person who liked making plans only to revel in the chaos when he threw them out the window. Needless to say, Floyd is deadly.
+ adaptable
As much as Floyd likes following his own plans, he also is always ready to throw them out the window. He’s the kind of person who thrives in the moments when thinking on your feet means life or death.
- reckless
Floyd’s foolish actions haven’t gotten his various teams in trouble yet, but there’s bound to be a fuck-up sometime.
- flippant
A lot of the time, people get frustrated working with Floyd because he refuses to take anything seriously. The combination of his death wish and his sole motivation of a paycheck, Floyd has never found much reason to take anything too seriously, even situations that are life or death.
5. Provide three potential plots you’d like to explore. The admins will do our best to accommodate your plot ideas, but we can’t guarantee all requests.
1) I want to see him do something horrible to the people who experimented on him at Belle Reve. Not only would this just be a cool plot to play out, but I think Floyd has always valued that he’s managed to keep his mind his own. ARGUS and others have taken a lot from him, and a lot of the time, he’s felt like he’s nothing more than a killing machine that they rent out, and it was his own sureness in his sanity that often kept him from doing something drastic. Not being able to trust that anymore would make him furious, and his only coping mechanism has been violence. It would be a type of catharsis when he finally gets rid of all of them that I think Floyd would not have experienced before in his life.
2) Something that I think will be really interesting for Floyd moving forward would be for him to now have a more active role in his daughter’s life. He has been absent for so much of it, and now she’s six and like...a real person and that’s finally sinking in for Floyd. The things he does will blow back on her, and if there is anyone in this world he loves, it’s Zoe Lawton. Having to come to terms with the fact that if he wants this time to be different, he’’s going to have to do some things differently is going to be a tough pill for him to swallow.
3) It would be super fun if a character in game hired Floyd against another character in game. It would be hilarious to watch Floyd chase someone around and then give him a dumb reason for not going through with it honestly it would be great.
character bio
Before the ban, he wasn’t anyone, and after the ban went into place, no one noticed when he disappeared deeper into the forgotten reaches of the system. The ugly dregs of a new normal that no one wanted to look at.
Floyd spent some time in Belle Reve after the start of the ban, mostly because no one really knew what to do with the suicide squad. Eventually, the squad was split up and Floyd was sent to Star City to work as a private contractor for ARGUS. He was still very much their prisoner—the words just made it seem better than it was.
ARGUS controlled Floyd’s entire life at this point, and he had grown used to it. He had grown complacent, tamed unwillingly into obeying the routine that had become his whole life. At one point, he had been the most highly sought after assassin in the world. Now, he was just another cog in ARGUS’ machine.
That never sat right with Floyd, and he had never learned how to solve his problems without a bullet, which was why he put one in Waller’s head.
ARGUS, at that point, was quickly losing its foothold to NOVA, and in the ensuing chaos, no one had time to deal with a loose cannon asset no one liked working with. They tossed him back in Belle Reve and forgot about him.
But he didn’t forget, not through every single nightmare Belle Reve put him through. If the asset won’t be in use, they thought, we can put him to use right here. And they did, putting him into all sorts of fucked up scenarios and seeing if he could fight his way out of it. When he did, they’d convince him that it wasn’t real.
Finally, they got bored of their game, or NOVA needed a pinch hitter, or some other dumb fucking reason that Floyd doesn’t give a fuck about, and they released Floyd. Of course, they couldn’t do it like normal people, and they plopped him back in Star City with a new tracker in his arm and a thirst for violence he’d never felt before.
He doesn’t think it’ll ever go away.
sample
blood, violence tw
Floyd wasn’t doing well in the dormitory, to say the least.
For a while, he was okay, cracking jokes when he felt like it and more often than not sullenly going through the motions, just like everyone else. It seemed like he could be normal, that maybe he could be okay and that whatever had happened before that had kept him out of the field for so long was just a memory.
It was in the third week that the fighting started.
At first, it was a broken nose, a dislocated thumb, a black eye. Minor injuries, things that were unacceptable to NOVA but just shy of irredeemable. So, Floyd stayed in the house. And the more he stayed in the house, the more his anger grew.
He’d spent months in solitary at this point. Fuck it, a year, probably. He wasn’t ready to be thrust back into something so new and so overwhelming all at once. Every single person in that house had their dicks out like they had something to prove, and Floyd, who had absolutely nothing to prove, showed them exactly who was on top.
It wasn’t until he killed someone that they took him out.
Floyd thought about it, the way he felt standing over the body, blood pooling under his head and his eyes glassy and unmoving. Floyd wasn’t used to killing up close like this, relying on the safety of distance whenever he took out his targets. It was clean. Precise. He didn’t see the bloody aftermath.
It was fascinating to him. That was concerning to them.
So, they moved him somewhere alone, and Floyd hated it even more than the dormitory. The silence made his ears ring. At night. he woke up with nightmares of drowning.
Even then, lying awake in bed, he was consumed with the feeling of water entering his lungs. It had happened, he swore. They had told him at Belle Reve that nothing happened, showed him scans of his lungs, clear of any inflammation, and said that it had been a terrible hallucination. All in his head.
But he felt it. He could have sworn he felt it. Water, rising through his cell as he desperately searched for an escape, the feeling of his blood mingling with the water as he clawed at the walls. He remembered the feeling of inhaling water, the pain and shock of a rush of water into the delicate structures of his lungs.
He remembered being administered CPR.
He rolled over in bed. Would he really hallucinate CPR?
Fuck. He wanted to punch someone right then, but he couldn’t, because he got himself kicked out of the fucking dormitory. Way to fucking stick it to ‘em, Floyd.
He felt nauseous. He swallowed it back.
He knew the truth. He had to.
5 notes · View notes
blakescoven · 5 years
Text
You Decided That I Was Worth Saving | 1 |
Pairing: Sojourn!Michael Langdon x fem!Reader
Chapter One (1): “As I Lay Dying”
Summary: You were driving home from work, when something – or rather someone – literally got in the way.  Against any reason, you let him into your life. Michael would make you question your entire worldview. Were your paths meant to cross? Did you two meet by accident? By fate? Or there’s an evil force behind it, scheming and plotting with a devilish purpose?  
Warnings: car crash(!), mention of injuries, different POVs, some swearing
Word count: 4.7K
A/N: Hey lovely friends! Here’s a sort of Sojourn AU-ish, since the plot starts in that particular moment of Michael’s life. Still don’t know if I’ll include witches and satanists…we’ll see. It’s gonna be a series so I guess I’ll divide it into a few chapters. I loooove angst and slow burn, so I’m sorry but there’s no smut. Yet. Also, for this chapter, I took inspiration from: the scene of Elena’s car crash from 1x11 of TVD and a song, my fav of all times, that I listened to while I was writing this chapter and that is also the song playing in Y/N’s car; Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex. Okay, that’s it. Enjoy and thank you so much for reading it, despite the grammar mistakes (my apologies) and the fact that probably it really sucks. (‘WHAT AM I DOING?’ was the mood while I was writing it tho.) Anyway, love you and please, let me know what do you think and what I can improve!! I’d really appreciate any FEEDBACK!! I kinda need it, because I’m not sure I’m doing this right. THANK YOU xxx ♥  
Tumblr media
You've always thought you could describe your whole existence with a wide range of adjectives, but 'adventurous' wasn't one of them for sure. At least, that's what you thought 30 minutes before the event that would have changed your life forever. Nothing would ever be the same again; just like a hurricane comes and goes, so that day, and the following ones, would have drastically rocked your world. And mostly your beliefs.
It was late. But you were used to it. You had recently got a new job, which allowed you to move out and finally get your own place, the smallest rentable apartment on Earth. Or in Los Angeles, no doubt. This was the most stressful moment since you were born, it was up to you taking care of your own now. Mommy and daddy no more.
Shifts were endless and you often found yourself staying late at the office, to finish what you've started. This new routine was already messing with your biological clock. Every single night, you looked forward to going back home, eat and fall apart on your bed. Even today, you were already savoring the anticipation of your sadly-glorious homecoming; you were dying for a relaxing hot bath and a slice of pizza. But who are we kidding, right? A whole pizza. Then, sleepiness permitting, you would have watched your favorite TV show petting your cat. A real party girl, uh? Well, that was your life now.
You have just finished college and this was the first experience as an independent person. At the very beginning, it has been hard leaving your parents' house, but soon you realized it was time for you to go on your own way. You were so full of dreams and expectations. You hoped to achieve great goals. Of course, what you haven't taken into account was that your future weekends wouldn't have been under the banner of fun, alcohol, and friends. But instead, your crazy Saturday nights consisted of you kneeled in front of the washing machine, hands in your head and a YouTube DIY video for dummies playing on your phone, which explained all the ways to get the laundry started and what products must have been used. All your life has become a huge dumb Netflix comedy. More like a parody, perhaps. You hung out with your friends less and less; you felt deeply guilty about that, but you were way too tired to make up for it.
As mentioned before, it was a late Friday night. It was raining, pretty hard. You were driving your beloved brand-new car (THE much-demanded graduation gift) and 'surprisingly' you hit traffic. At 9 fucking p.m. TGIF, they said. Sure. Your friends were definitely having fun and drinking in some random club by then.
You, on the contrary, were running out of patience; your shiny Lexus had not moved an inch in 10 minutes, so as soon as you could, you took a highway exit. That was supposed to be a kind of shortcut, according to the navigator. The pouring rain and the cadenced motion of the windscreen wipers sounded like a lullaby. A slow-core song started playing in the background. It was quite soothing and maybe, on second thought, you should have to turn it off…or had coffee before leaving.
You could feel your eyelids getting heavier and heavier, the exhaustion slowly prevailing. Trying so hard to keep your eyes open, that they've started burning; and not to miss anything, you got a bit of a headache accompanied by a soon-to-be-wrinkle frown.
Meanwhile, you were driving down a deserted one-lane road, going a little over the speed limit in your rush, in order to make it home as soon as possible. The wheels were slipping a little on the wet pavement, but you kept the car steady. ­ You peered through the front window trying to see what was ahead of you; it was pitch black outside, with not even one dammit lamppost; only the moon's pale light absorbed by the dark green leaves of the forest beside the road. You had no idea where you actually were.
Suddenly, the annoying metallic voice of the GPS started bullshitting about recalculating a new route. "Wait what? Fuck NO NO NO…come on! You stupid thing, why are you changing direction???" you maddeningly screamed, looking at the display and trying to change the settings with your right hand. You weren't exactly paying particular attention to the road ahead. Huge mistake.
Outside the windshield, the rain was coming down in torrents, blurring your vision even more. The wipers went back and forth, attempting to clear away the large droplets clinging to the glass, but it seemed they weren't moving fast enough.
As if the universe had something big in store for you, right at that moment, something – or rather someone – came out of the dense vegetation, slowly limping while crossing the street, no concern for surroundings.
Your eyes were still glued to the GPS tracking your position; but all of a sudden, your distraction was abruptly erased when you caught a glimpse of a human shape in the middle of the road, illuminated by the car's headlights.
A goddamn person.
You had perhaps three-quarters of a second to register this.
You didn't realize it until it was too late. You couldn't have stopped all this now. The blood drained from your face. It all happened in a few seconds, but the moment seemed to last forever. The shock made you tense your muscles; your heart skipped a beat and your eyes suddenly widened. There was a scream coming from within that forced its way from your mouth as if your terrified soul has set a demon free. It was the kind of scream that makes the blood run cold.
With adrenaline flowing through your system, you slammed on the brakes. Your fists clenched with white knuckles around the steering wheel, immediately swerving to avoid the crash. Somehow you managed to not run over him, but you were going too fast to stop.
Your car rolled over and over, while clips of your life flashing like a slideshow. The vehicle has flipped so many times that you started drifting in and out of consciousness. The noise of the metal being bashed over the asphalt was deafening. When it finally stopped, you were stuck in your seat upside-down, coughing up pieces of the broken glass coming from the shattered windshield.
Then everything became still.
You could only hear the sound of rain on metal. Aware of the bloody taste in your mouth, you still weren't able to figure out if you were injured, because the seatbelt tugged on your chest was too painful. Heart pounding in your ears, you tried to scream for help, but it came out more like a gasp.
Meanwhile, the young man was still paralyzed to the spot in the middle of the road, like an unfamiliar force was holding him in a tightening grip, keeping him from leaving. For a moment he believed that that must have been another hallucinated vision. Then he slowly turned his head toward the wrecked car. An odd thought came across his mind: the driver crashed in order to not run over him. But why? Humanity had failed him so many times. He had lost the only one that truly cared about him. His Father had abandoned him and he wasn't able to understand what was his purpose, not anymore. He actually knew that a car was coming that way, but now he honestly didn't give a damn about his life. He had failed. He was utterly lost. This was the best coincidence possible to put an end to his suffering. But now, he felt something he couldn't explain, almost a need, the need to go and check if the driver was okay. Still confused about this new foreign impulse, he started to walk towards your car.
Once there, he kneeled and took a look inside, from the broken side window.
"You look stuck." he commented with an apparent childish but plain voice.
If you weren't, like literally, in that position, you'd have certainly sassed back to that dumb obvious statement. But your conditions weren't the best at all, you might have some broken bones, actually.
What, instead, came out from your mouth was stammering confused words.
"I-I-It… m-my… my s-s-sea..b-be..t" you tried to speak, holding and shaking the restraining belt tightly in your hands, while tears gathering in your eyes.
He hummed and shushed you. "Let me get you out of here." he whispered, thinking again about why he was actually doing this, it was none of his business. And yet, he stayed on.
"I want you to put your hands on the roof." You were about to obey his calming demand, but in that moment, you realized your left arm had to be broken and it hurt like hell. So somehow you managed to raise only the other one and take also your phone.
Then he closed his eyes for a couple of seconds and all of a sudden, the seatbelt mysteriously unhooked, as if by magic or an invisible force. But you were too rattled to think about it.
You fell and he gently grabbed and lifted you from the car.
"I got you." he smiled, holding you in his arms while standing up. "Are you okay? Can you stand? Is anything broken?" he questioned with a caring honeyed tone.
You nodded pointing your arm and moaning, still dizzy from the car flipping over. The stranger carefully set you on your feet, yet not letting you completely. Good, because immediately after you slipped, too weak to stand, but he caught you by the waist. Your head was spinning so fast.
"Hey hey, easy, don't force yourself, you're clearly not okay." he observed "Look at me." and he placed his thumb on your lower lip and chin to hold your head steady as he spoke. What was he feeling right now? Pity? Concern maybe? He thought he had already turned off those pointless human emotions.
You tiredly opened your eyes to meet the most beautiful pair of ocean eyes you've ever seen. Unfortunately, you couldn't focus on him any longer, neither when he run his hand down your water-stained cheek.
"Hey stay with me, don't close your eyes." he urged, just as your vision went fuzzy and your eyes rolled back. Within seconds everything went black.
You passed out into complete and utter darkness.
He caught you before you hit the concrete, gathering your limp body into his arms and walking away from the car. He abruptly stopped. What he was supposed to do now? He had literally come from the woods, after days of fasting and sleeplessness. He was covered in damn dirt. Not to mention that he had no place to go. He was too exhausted to reason. So he chose to gently lower you to the ground, kneeling, so half of your body was on his lap. He stroked your wet hair, wondering what to do with you. Just right now, looking at your face, he noticed how beautiful you were, how innocent and angelic. He swallowed and smiled. A soft side? In his evil and corrupted soul? Impossible.
It was still raining. You were both soaked and there was no shelter in the proximities. He thought he couldn't do anything more. That's when he remembered about your broken arm. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, placing his hands above your head. Nothing. Maybe he wasn't focused enough. He took your hands in his own and tried again. This time his eyes rolled black until they showed only a white surface; then he started to mutter Latin words. He lifted his head up speaking louder, but his nose began to bleed, until his vision blurred and the car suddenly exploded. He lost consciousness right next to you, nevertheless his hand still on yours.
The next thing you knew, you were on your back on the ground and very disoriented. Also completely drenched. Making indistinguishable noises because of the pain, you turned your head resting on the asphalt. The rain in your eyes didn't let you have a clear view of the surroundings, but you immediately felt an extremely warm presence at your side. You blinked twice and finally saw the boy that had helped you, laying there unconscious. Hell, maybe you had hit him with your car after all. The plot thickens.
Saying that you were confused about the whole situation was an euphemism. There was nothing for it but to try to reach your phone, almost five feet apart from your leg, hoping that it didn't break in the crash. Despite the acute ache in your arm and the burning cuts and wounds, you were able to crawl back to it, so you dialed the number and called 911. You explained everything and asked for help with a wisp of voice. You probably had a concussion.
The rain eventually stopped. You were starting to feel cold, so you found your way back to the stranger. Little droplets of water drenched his hair, covering his features, and you couldn't help yourself, you brushed a few strands from his face, caressing his sharp cheekbone. Right after your head started spinning and your vision filled with white spots, until you fainted again, against the stranger's chest.
-
You woke up in a hospital bed. It was early in the morning; the sunlight was peeking through the blinds, the constant beeping of monitors echoing throughout the room. You sighed loudly and squinted with a grimace. Luckily you were just a little sore, nothing too serious. You took a look at your arm: you had a pretty unaesthetic cast. The universe's way of telling you, "Here, take this you little bitch." Amazing.
You got up very slowly and entered the bathroom, looking for a mirror to better check out your wounds.
"Wow, nice Halloween make-up though." you muttered rolling your eyes. You had a stitched cut on your left upper forehead, a split lip and dark circles under your puffy eyes. A Miss Universe at her peak. Not to mention a great number of bruises all over your body.
You called your parents shortly afterward. Downplaying the details of the accident wasn't enough, they completely lost their minds at the phone. They were shocked and worried about your conditions, so they insisted to get on the first flight to LA, to help you. You reassured them you were fine and ready to go home. It wasn't necessary for them to come. They even offered to pay for a new car, since yours was, sadly, destroyed. You refused though; you would have dealt with the car-issue later. Even though you couldn't still get over the fact that your precious SUV has gone for good.
A truly kind doctor got to your room and, after having checked out vitals and injuries, refreshed your memory about what happened last night. Shoot! In that moment you realized you had totally forgot about the boy. You immediately asked the doc if you could go visit him. He nodded but not without first warning you. John Doe here had to be sedated because, when he regained consciousness in the ambulance, he had refused to go to the hospital and started thrashing around. Luckily, he was too weak to harm anyone.
The doctor kept saying that they had found no ID, nothing that could tell them where he came from. He was completely dehydrated in addition to previous wounds. He probably hadn't eaten for days either. For these reasons, the cheap version of Derek Shepherd wasn't sure whether he should call the police.
You were listening to his words with much more concern you thought you could feel. Well, maybe because you had almost run over him. But you felt you had to go check on him. He helped you out of the car after all. He…saved you someway? What you couldn't understand was why he had stopped in the middle of the road; he hadn't even tried to get out of the way…Oh shit. Was there any chance he wanted to, like, get killed? No, c'mon, there are way too many other – and less-painful – "methods" to do it…It couldn't be.
When you arrived in his room, you immediately noticed he was tied to the bed and carefully, you set his wrists free. After a few seconds, he woke up. You tried not to pay attention, but he was undoubtedly attractive. To be honest he was much more than that. Handsome to say the least. He seemed almost angelic. Baby blue eyes piercing your soul with a magnetic gaze, golden messy curls spread around his head on the pillow like a halo and God-given sharp features. Despite that, he was still covered in filth and wounds. But even in such a miserable state, he was hypnotizing. You wondered why no nurse took care of him yet.
"Hi!" you whispered, sitting down on the nearest chair.
"Hi." he said back, almost imperceptibly. "Thank you" he added, pointing at his bruised wrists.
"I should be the one saying 'thank you'..." you stated; he gave you a half-smile, "…you literally saved my life."
"No need to thank me, I caused your crash so.." he stopped for a second "…we can say you saved me instead." he admitted heavy-heartedly, with his eyes down. He seemed so sad and so lost, and you really felt for him.
"Well, thank God we're both still alive!" you didn't know what to say anymore. And this cringy comment wasn't helping.
" Sure " he scoffed.
What were those, tear-stains? Has he been crying?
Then an awkward silence filled the room. You were starting to feel a bit uneasy, and the continuous biting your lower lip – despite the cut on the upper one – made it absolutely obvious. You could feel something was off about him. The sadness and despair in his eyes were pretty noticeable, and you were the kind of person that can't look away.
"Uhm, are you okay?"
"Yes" he was still staring at the void. No emotion showed.
"Sorry, I don't want to be pushy…but it's clear you're not."
"Why do you care? What do you want from me?" he snapped turning his head, but his face softened instantly, as if he regretted the outburst.
You honestly didn't know why you cared that much either. It was an odd sensation coming from your guts, it was pulling you so deeply into him. He needed help, and you wanted to give it to him.
"You got anybody I could call? Your relatives or a friend?" was the only answer you could articulate.
" No.. " he mumbled, "..I have no one."
Suddenly, you felt the urge to ask him if he wanted to go home with you, to recover. You would have never done – or even thought – anything like that before. This was against all the good bits of advice your mum ever gave you. Like, don't invite in strangers that could easily kill you in your sleep?! But it was as if, deep down, you knew you could trust him. You took the risk.
"Listen.. ahem.. y-you could come home with me. I have enough space in my apartment and we could help each other until you'll feel better" you paused.
He was staring at you now, with glistening eyes. He was speechless. No one has ever shown him selfless kindness. He was in disbelief.
"I don't want your pity."
"No, wait. This isn't pity. In case you haven't notice, I have this lil problem here" you chuckled, swaying your cast in the air "I wouldn't mind a hand" you said to release the tension.
"I-I can't. Please, go. Just leave me alone." he shook his head. The fear of being abandoned or rejected again was too overwhelming for him to open up and accept some help.
"Oh," you whispered, a bit down in the dumps, "got it."
You headed for the door, but before leaving, you turned one more time "I'll leave my number to the receptionist in the hallway, in case you change your mind." you winked and smiled, leaving him alone.
He sighed and slammed his head against the pillow; he didn't even have a phone, also because, come on, what good it would do? But above all, what kind of paradox was that? Him, the motherfucking Devil's spawn, needing help? From an innocent little soul like you? No kidding. He had performed a human sacrifice and eaten raw hearts for fuck's sake. Yes, he may not know what to do, and probably he had made mistakes, but it wasn't over yet; his satanic plan needed to be adjusted. This way, he would eventually recreate the world in his Father's image and earn his trust again.
He needed to leave as soon as possible, before some stupid human being started asking him though questions.
-
You were finally home. The entire Uber ride had been silent and for that you mentally thanked the driver, because you weren't in the mood to talk at all.
As soon as you turned the doorknob, your little friend immediately greeted you purring, making you jump. He really missed you…or at least that's what he wanted you to believe. You locked the door behind you.
"His Majesty is hungry, uh?!" you said mocking your furball "Yeah, me too dude...but hold on a little longer, I need to take a shower I smell like hospital, jeez."
Only now you noticed. There was a rather unusual atmosphere when you walked in, an unsettling silence sending shivers down your spine. An inexplicable heat radiating from the house itself. It was too hot in there and you're positive it wasn't normal in the middle of November. The room seemed saturated with unfamiliar vibes.
You went to your bedroom and started to undress. Then you entered the bathroom, ready to finally wash the last night events off you.
Odd. It was like you could feel eyes on you, all the time.
Whatever. You were too worn-out to indulge your paranoid thoughts.
But the same feelings still followed you, even later when you were eating your delivered dinner, half-dead on the couch with the fluffy monster curled up on your lap.
"Maybe it's a sort of twisted PTSD." you told yourself. Yet your heart wouldn't settle. Something wasn't right there.
Anyway, you chose to ignore your instinct; it was time to get ready for bed. You reached your closet as you slowly took off hoodie and sweatpants, changing into even more comfortable clothes, just a t-shirt actually. Since it was that hot, no pants. The loose garment barely covered your bare thighs though.
You were half asleep when your cat jumped up and suddenly rushed out of your bedroom like he was possessed. You stretched and changed position, that enormous cast wouldn't let you fall fully asleep. After 5 minutes of turning and tossing you heard what sounded like footsteps. Your pulse started racing.
"It's nothing," you told yourself, "I'm imagining things."
But then the typical creaking of your fridge being opened reached up to your room. Twice.
You froze, heart in your throat. You were most definitely not alone. Someone was in the house.
But right after you shook your head, "Ugh, probably it's just that furry devil."
Being as quiet as possible, you got up and made your way to the door, straining to hear, but your heart pounded too loudly and your breathing was harsh. Moving towards the switch, but on second thought you decided against it.
Nothing. Complete silence.
It was when you were finding your way back to the mattress that you heard a white noise, a loud thud and the clear scraping of a chair against the floor. You froze again with wide eyes. You swallowed breaking out in cold sweat.
The squeaking of the cupboard followed by the tinkling and banging of glasses and dishes. You almost had a stroke.
You internally cursed yourself. You had left your phone on the couch. Fuck fuck fuck. The only option left was trying to reach the door and ask for help from the next-door neighbor. But you couldn't do it, the kitchen had a space divider, but it wasn't long enough to avoid being seen.
Weapon, your mind screamed. You needed a weapon.
A relieved smile appeared unexpectedly on your features. You recalled about keeping a knife hidden in the drawer. 'Never say never' when you live alone. Well, it seemed it had been a good idea after all.
You slid your fingers around the rubber grip, dismayed by how much your hand was shaking.
Heading down the hallway barefoot, you hold your breath and slowly approached the living room. With one motion you sneaked into the kitchen, with the blade facing the intruder, and screaming,
"I'm calling the police!"
But what you saw made your jaw drop in shock.
It was Him, the guy from the car crash.
In your kitchen.
Eating your motherfucking chocolate chip cookies.
At 01:00 am.
"Uh, sorry..." he spoke while chewing the leftovers and then swallowing loudly, "..you wanted some?". As if he felt guilty for real, with that childish expression.
You couldn't keep quiet any longer. The situation was too far-fetched.
"WHAT THE HELL?" you snapped. He chuckled at the reference.
"I can't cook. I was starving and I found these. I didn't want to wake you, but this monster here won't get off me..."
"What are you doing in my apartment?"
He tilted his head, pretty confused. "You invited me to stay here..." he remarked, with a hint of displeasure in his voice.
"Yes, I did. But it doesn't mean you can break in without me knowing." You were still a bit scared; he could be dangerous as far as you knew, and his actions had already proved it.
He didn't say anything. He stood up from the island counter, making his way to you. You were slack-jawed in astonishment, still holding and pointing the sharp surface toward him.
"Put that knife down."
"No."
"Why?" he frowned.
"I don't trust you. Don't come any closer!" you ordered.
"I can't take you seriously looking like this" he smirked pointing at your 'night attire'.
He took another step and you run to reach the handle; it turned but the door wouldn't budge.
"It's locked." you turned to look at him "Don't you remember? You did that yourself." he observed, like it was obvious.
"Then how did you get in here?"
"Transmutation."
"Tra-what?" you supposed he must have been out of his mind.
The circumstances themselves were unbelievable. But he was right, you offered him help.
Now he was leaning against the wall a few feet apart from you, locking his eyes with yours, his beautiful features veiled by a shade of dejection and misery. Suddenly, the feeling you had at the hospital came back. Trust.
"I know I'll regret this, but yes, you can stay."
A thankful smile crept across his face and if it weren't for the dark, you could swear that he was also crying.
"But if you don't behave I'll kill you." you threatened in a playful tone, but you needed to scare him a little.
In that moment he understood that he had done the right thing, deciding to take your offer. He had to pick up the pieces and get back on his feet. He couldn't have done it alone.
And mostly, he liked you. You were a warrior. There was something special in you, he could feel it. He could trust you.
"You scared the hell out of me by the way…do not do that again." you spoke as your eyes narrowed.
"I promise" he whispered.
He was kind of a weirdo, but you imagined he'd been through a lot. For this reason, you decided to place the knife on the table and get closer to him.
"But anyway, sooner or later you're going to tell me how you did it." you chuckled showing him the door. You were standing right in front of him now. He was taller than you thought.
"We haven't officially met, I'm Y/N."
In that moment – a moment you'll never forget – he vanished right before your eyes.
Then a sudden voice – that didn't hide insecurity and expectancy – coming from behind, made you turn around and left you in absolute shock.
"I'm Michael. Michael Langdon."
___________________________________________
Tagging (hope you don’t mind, in any case just tell me!) @michael-langdon-appreciation @hecohansen31 @so-langdon @emmyrosee @ladynuwanda @sammythankyou @sojournmichael @hplotrfan
132 notes · View notes
nomadicbeard · 5 years
Note
Hi! I saw on one of your posts you said that you used to be a stucky shipper. I actually started off as a stony shipper but then absolutely fell in love with stucky but I like both . I was just wondering what made you "jump ship" on stucky lol. Sorry if this comes across as annoying or anything im just curious!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hey! As you can see a couple of people have asked me this over the last couple of weeks and I’m really lazy and haven’t got around to responding yet, but the people deserve an answer so here we go. Before we start a quick disclaimer: I’ll only be talking about the ships themselves, not the communities or any of the discourse surrounding them. This is not a ship-bashing of any kind and please do not take it as such, it’s just my own personal experience surrounding these characters and these relationships. 
 Buckle your seatbelts kids, this is a long one.
I first got into Marvel c. 2015. I’m European so I’d never really watched any marvel movies before that, I watched Age of Ultron on a plane and remember being vaguely aware the Steve/Tony was a thing (what is pretty interesting is that to this day I have no clue where that knowledge came from) but was mostly just excited by the superhero stuff. I then got home and watched The Winter Soldier and fell in love. I love the Winter Soldier, it’s probably still one of my favourite marvel movies (it got kicked out of its top spot by Black Panther last year unfortunately) and to me no other marvel movie could hold a torch to it at the time. So I came onto tumblr, searched up The Winter Soldier and was just inundated with Stucky stuff, as expected. I rolled with it, got invested just from constant exposure (it was also around the height of the Stucky ship) and as far as I was concerned, that was that. I was super into Stucky for almost six months and was pretty much your average shipper, I didn’t understand stevetony, loved Steve Rogers, was close to creating a Stucky sideblog wit some ridiculous pun as my username, I was gone over this ship.
Then one day, I sat down and read the man on the bridge by boopboop on ao3. You’ve almost definitely heard of it, but it was the most popular fic in the Steve/Bucky tag on ao3 at the time (for some reason I had just never got around to reading it until then, it was long and I didn’t have the stamina I have now). It was your pretty standard Stucky fic, Steve gets Bucky back, they have to deal with his trauma which results in Steve and Bucky declaring their long lost love for each other etc. etc. What was different about this fic, was that it was all told from Tony’s point of view, and since Steve and Tony were on the same team at that point, their dynamic was a huge part of the fic. And I found myself falling completely in love with Steve and Tony’s dynamic. I went back to the fic for this post (and god it is a good fic) and pulled up the first couple of chapters and instantly just found so many instances of that dynamic
Tumblr media
(grade A stevetony arguing over each other’s safety with a side of flirting from Tony)
Tumblr media
(Idk why but the image of Steve and Tony not going to sleep, but rather staying up and brewing coffee together was such a vivid one when I first read this fic, I still remember it to this day. )
Tumblr media
(Tony picking Steve flowers while trying to desperately play off that he didn’t aka. Tony caring while trying desperately not to care)
Tumblr media
(Everyone knowing that Steve would definitely come to Tony, apart from Tony himself.)
Now obviously, this is a stucky fic and I went into it knowing this, but I found when Steve and Bucky finally got together I felt honestly a bit bored, a bit cheated. I had no idea why at the time. I remember very clearly x-ing out of the fic at the end and feeling really uneasy, I came onto tumblr, went straight back into the Stucky tag and all was well.
When I next went back onto ao3, I started out with a couple of oneshots in the Stucky tag, but for some reason it wasn’t working for me anymore. I remember sitting there, a little bored, not at all invested in this relationship and just missing something. I figured I was probably missing Tony’s presence in the fic and so filtered in Tony Stark’s character tag. I read a few of those and all was well but I realised the same thing was happening as had happened in man on the bridge, the moment that Steve and Bucky got together, the fic lost something for me. Desperate at this point, and a little annoyed at myself I conducted an experiment and went into the Steve/Tony tag on Ao3 and as they say, the rest is history. If you go onto older posts on my main blog there’s a pretty drastic, almost overnight shift c. January 2016. I have to admit, I expected Civil War to be a conversion so I enjoyed stevetony without consequence for five months, while still labelling myself as a Stucky shipper because I expected to be pulled back to Stucky after civil war, the reality was that somehow I came out of civil war shipping stevetony harder than ever before. From there, I spent two years reading my way through the stevetony tag on ao3 and finally set up this blog in 2018, with a really obscure reference as my username and it’s been stevetony til I die ever since.
I just couldn’t read Stucky anymore. That’s what I mean when I say on this blog that stevetony has ruined me for every other ship, because it has. Steve and Tony’s firecracker dynamic pulled me away from what was fast on its way to becoming my favourite ship in 2015, all because they had a bit of banter on the side in a fic. It’s kind of depressing really, the sort of hold that Steve and Tony’s dynamic has over me, 
It’s strange you say you fell in love with Stucky, I fell absolutely out of love with it. I have thought a lot about how I ended up falling into stevetony and why I was so drawn to them instead of Stucky in the first place and I think it all comes down the the story itself. To me, Steve and Bucky’s relationship carries much more weight as a friendship, I still have no doubt that Bucky is one of if not the most important person in Steve’s life, but having that be a lifelong friendship is way more powerful and impactful to me, (especially since what I know I misconstrued to be Steve’s obsession with Bucky is actually Steve’s obsession over the past. I’m not saying Bucky isn’t dear to Steve and he does want to obviously rescue him, but looking back on it there’s more to Steve’s obsession with Bucky than just love, it’s a fear of change and it’s him desperately trying to hold onto a past that’s gone.)
Conversely, I feel like adding a romantic element to Steve and Tony’s relationship enriches the story being told, if you look at something like civil war (either MCU or 616 tbh) in the context of Tony being desperately in love with Steve, it makes a lot more sense, especially with things like The Confession in 616 or the stuff brought up in that strange conversation in the conference room in the MCU. There’s lines from Steve like “I’m home/you gave me a home” or even straight up “he loved you” and his tormented behaviour throughout infinity war and endgame that just really makes you wonder, not to mention lines from others like “you two still gazing into each other’s eyes/sounds like both of you got into bed with the wrong people” and they did have to share a bed at Clint’s farm after all lol. The tragedy of their story is heightened if you look at it through the context of them being absolutely in love with each other, just never having actually got around to telling it to each other’s faces. This tragedy is heavily implied in The Oath/The Confession in 616 when they confess their deepest darkest secrets to the other’s comatose/dead bodies, and apparently it’s always been that they love the other person. Actually you could easily introduce a romantic element by making relatively few changes to the MCU, but that’s a post for another time (I have a long and comprehensive list in my notes app on how little you actually need to change to make that happen, it’s literally the matter of a few lines of dialogue and one major story change at the end of IM3, an interesting thought exercise to say the least).
Finally, there’s a quote that came up on my dash the day I made that fateful venture into the ao3 stevetony tag, “your soulmate isn’t someone who comes peacefully into your life. It is someone who makes you question things, changed your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone idealized, but an ordinary person, who managed to revolutionize your world in a second” to this day, it resonates so strongly with me about stevetony. It’s everything I love about this ship just compressed into a quote. 
So yeah it was basically a bunch of happy coincidences, but thank god it happened. As a writer, stevetony has taught me so much about character and dynamic, stuff that is honestly invaluable. When you have long fics that basically detail the day by day life of Steve and Tony post-civil war in rural Italy and consists of them sleeping, crying and working through their repressed feelings (looking at you @silkspectred ), it is the characters and their unique dynamic that drive the entirety of the story. Steve and Tony, in the hands of a compelling writer, can keep me hooked over a frankly embarrassing number of words. I still have a bit of a special place for Stucky in my heart really, it did start me out in marvel after all and it was one of my first ever ships, but your first love is only so good until you meet your true love, not to get all sappy but stevetony has completely destroyed my ability to ship anything else. I might get a bit flirtatious with some other ships, like sambucky (I still love Bucky, and I love Sam!), or the riverdale ships (beronica and jarchie or bust), or even the game of thrones crack ships (daensa til the day we die), but I’ll always come back to stevetony.
So yeah this escalated into a far longer post than I intended to make but I’ve never really spelled out on this blog how or why I ended up jumping Stucky to Stony when I know it’s usually the other way around. I guess it just comes down to stevetony catching me out when I least expected it, and never having let go of me since. 
422 notes · View notes
comicteaparty · 4 years
Text
July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive
The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:
What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?
Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§
How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)
Deo101 [Millennium]
For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media
Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho
Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well
eliushi [Keyspace]
How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.
Desnik
An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic
shadowhood {SunnyxRain}
Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)
At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.
Desnik
yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself
Haruh2 (Colony Life)
How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yeah same
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.
eliushi [Keyspace]
Making comics became a lifestyle for me
@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
omg
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
That's soooo much, Eli!
That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.
I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)
eliushi [Keyspace]
The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!
eliushi [Keyspace]
(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.
eliushi [Keyspace]
I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
Hahaha, yeahhhhh
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)
eliushi [Keyspace]
I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it
Vs illustration: lemme make all the details
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
how much time does it take to read one of my pages?
20 seconds?(edited)
haha
e.e
wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??
i jsut looked it up
i might've been using it wrong this whole time
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
Pacing
It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start
eliushi [Keyspace]
Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
Haha, same kinda
Haruh2 (Colony Life)
@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically
cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)
I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)
dako
yeah, I feel that
I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it
Deo101 [Millennium]
I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable
dako
it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word
i dunno
Deo101 [Millennium]
its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it
dako
yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself
Haruh2 (Colony Life)
it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it
Deo101 [Millennium]
yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this
and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...
idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)
Deo101 [Millennium]
mhm ^^
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing
Haruh2 (Colony Life)
exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either
Deo101 [Millennium]
yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)
Haruh2 (Colony Life)
yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others
Deo101 [Millennium]
sweats
dako
i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much
it is my containment chamber
Haruh2 (Colony Life)
hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
yeah same
Deo101 [Millennium]
My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol
Deo101 [Millennium]
it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??
cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it
cause its all Ive been doing the whole time
dako
thats a good point
i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that
Haruh2 (Colony Life)
yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)
Deo101 [Millennium]
but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<
dako
understandable
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.
I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).
Deo101 [Millennium]
yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach
which makes it much easier to draw people in
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)
Deo101 [Millennium]
yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one
Haruh2 (Colony Life)
eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.
Deo101 [Millennium]
mhm
tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?
but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha
dako
having fun the most important thing
Deo101 [Millennium]
its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique
I haven't seen a lot
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon
dako
think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago
Deo101 [Millennium]
thats true keiiii, thank you <3
also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
I knooowww
Deo101 [Millennium]
guess it shows what ppl want or something
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
yup
Deo101 [Millennium]
off topic
so to make it back on topic
I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.
Deo101 [Millennium]
!!!!!
I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Big oversight, in retrospect
!?
Deo101 [Millennium]
saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently
Deo101 [Millennium]
cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought
Deo101 [Millennium]
and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative
I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
In the eyes of the beholder
Deo101 [Millennium]
but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!
so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not
lemme check
I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha
hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e
in the class I mean
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!
j/k
Deo101 [Millennium]
hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd
but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way
I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e
didnt plan those well enough.
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
that relatable feel
sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)
I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working
eliushi [Keyspace]
I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs
sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)
I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
Yeah, features help a lot
I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there
Deo101 [Millennium]
Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.
Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.
dako
i agree
my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha
so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.
dako
i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha
Jib {WIP haha}
Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD
varethane
Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol
The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)
carcarchu
i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight
not an exaggeration
varethane
I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)
Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app
And bam, 6k subs
It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week
Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§
(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)
varethane
Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol
dako
I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really
I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky
varethane
I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt
Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak
Mostly because of the volume of comics on there
boogeymadam
same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine
varethane
I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U
dako
I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas
carcarchu
i have found some amazing gems in the new section
i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently
dako
I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page
some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes
varethane
I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl
carcarchu
the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)
boogeymadam
ooohh good to know!!
varethane
I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched
boogeymadam
im just going off their canvas qna's from last year
dako
if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot
i also heard a bot picks up comics too
carcarchu
well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is
tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff
boogeymadam
tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah
dako
yeah I agree
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?
dako
I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes
boogeymadam
i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho
carcarchu
more distinction would be helpful to me too dako
i don't think its as clear as it could be
dako
yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas
Jib {WIP haha}
Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name
Or have any recommendations I guess
Moral_Gutpunch
Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
is this related to the topic?
Moral_Gutpunch
It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel
Moral_Gutpunch
Oh
Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
Please check #rules
Moral_Gutpunch
Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules
That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules
Moral_Gutpunch
Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!
creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week
It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.
dako
looks like they left
Jib {WIP haha}
Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject
keii’ii (Heart of Keol)
Happens!
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
No problem, we were just reminding you all :)
Jib {WIP haha}
Ty for that then haha
dako
I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be
well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense
Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~
Oh God, that's so true
Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it
Feather J. Fern
One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all
rajmews
The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yes!!!!! Me too!!!
It's exciting thoufh
Eightfish (Puppeteer)
Absolutely same
Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading
Deo101 [Millennium]
Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)
I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss
varethane
Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.
1 note · View note
omgthatdude · 4 years
Text
TodoDeku in quarantine
|Summary: The world is trying to grapple a pandemic and Izuku can't help but worry as he's forced into social isolation in U.A, far from his mother. But nothing is ever boring or scary with Shoto around.| 
(Pure fluff  ♡ඩ⌔ඩ♡ )
It was in March that everyday life in Japan was pulled apart from its habitual seams. 
In the days following the outbreak there was widespread panic among its people. The media flooded with frightening news headlines and broadcasts of victims being rushed to hospital by the hundreds after falling ill to the virus. Along with them, at least a dozen well-known Pro-Heroes. Japan's death toll began to rise sharply and very quickly drastic measures where taken; social distancing and isolation in Japan were now required by law until further notice, and all non-mandatory business was shut down. U.A  had decided against sending their students home for fear of leaving the heroes in training exposed to villain attacks without any support from the school. It was a difficult but an important decision to be made. However, while families stayed in their homes, Pro Heroes continued to risk their lives saving others.
Now a month later, in April, Izuku Midoriya, sitting in his dorm room mid-day and still clad in All Might pajamas, watching the news unfold on his phone had never felt so inspired by the heroes he idolized. Inspired and, well terrified. Just as he was about to anxiously the click onto the next video with more updating information on the global pandemic, his phone was swiped from his hands and tossed onto the foot of the bed. Izuku made a squeaky noise of surprise and protest before one of his many All-Might pillows was thrown at him, effectively taking down its target with a thump and an "oof!" Shoto, sitting on the edge of his bed, looked far more than slightly pleased with himself and like he might burst into laughter at the betrayed look in his boyfriend's jade eyes.
"Stop watching the news, you're getting too paranoid," he smirked.
The pillow was thrown back at him by a pouting Izuku which he caught and flung back in return.
"Am not!" whined Izuku childishly before whipping the pillow back at Shoto. 
"You're just bored and a bully." A dramatic gasp was heaved from Shoto's chest as he moved closer to Izuku, pillow ready in hand, while the other boy scrambled to grab another one for a shield against his next attack. "A bully? Me? What if I told you I was here for more than one reason? Would a bully come with gifts 'Zuku?"
Izuku eyed him suspiciously, amusement flickering in his eyes and twitching on his lips. 
"Depends," he ventured cautiously, " What is the gift?"
The three weeks so far spent in quarantine have been almost impossible for anxious and extroverted Izuku, but Shoto, on the other hand, seemed to be flourishing in the alone time, smiling more and always going out of his way to lift his green-haired boyfriend's spirits. In the first week of quarantine Izuku seemed excited to get some time to lounge around in the dorms. But soon he couldn't help but worry, for his family, for his heroes or for the world and felt himself struggling to stay positive. This sort of behavior was unacceptable in Shoto's eyes and he began to come to his boyfriend's dorm each day, before eventually not leaving and staying through nights.
At times even Shoto had been bored enough to begin to ask himself the question, "Hey, maybe I am a ___ person, after all,"  before the hobby was dumped in less than a day. The pair had tried almost everything to make the time pass faster, charades, board games of all kinds, binging TV shows, reading, listening to music, and even attempting twister with two people (spoilers, they both lost because no one wins when you're almost crushed under another heavy teenage boy).
Shoto paused for effect and Izuku fondly rolled his eyes at his silly attempts to make him smile.
"Cookies."
Like a puppy reacting to the word, 'walk' Izuku bolted up straight from where he was hiding behind his defense pillow and chucked it onto the bed, contagious excitement radiating and buzzing from him, as he almost screeched his next words.
 "Oh FRICK yes!"
He seemed to have forgotten he had been trying to stay skeptical.
"Language!" laughed Shoto, incapable of containing his amusement any longer and pulling Izuku up into his lap, letting him wrap his legs around his torso like a cookie fueled koala.
"Chocolate chip cookies to be exact," he snickered placing a kiss on Izuku's inviting lips. "And I didn't make them so they're entirely edible." 
This received yet another giggle from the older boy and another peck on the lips before Izuku rested their foreheads together, his face warm from so much affection. Shoto mused to himself that no matter how many times he kissed him it always left Izuku's face a little red.
 "Fine...you're less of a bully then. You have some decent qualities as well-"
"I'm not sure that appeasing you with chocolate chip cookies is a quality," interjected Shoto, once again trying not to laugh at the exasperated look on Izuku's face. 
"I swear to gosh Sho, I will end you. I'm trying to be sweet." 
Shoto laughed and tugged his pajama dressed Izuku even closer to himself, "You can't end me. Who else will feed your chocolate chip cookie addiction?" 
This drew a snort from Izuku and he flicked Shoto's arm without any force. "Well, you've got me there..." admitted the shorter kissing Shoto's cheek and then his nose causing him to scrunch it cutely. His stomach did a little flip. Izuku couldn't help but think that God Shoto was pretty,  acknowledging that that was cheesy but not caring as he tugged on his boyfriend's sleeve.
"Hey, quit being a distraction--let's eat cookies."
In under ten minutes, the two had dragged the cookies back to Izuku's room and Shoto had his entire body draped over him, head on a pillow looking like he might already be asleep if weren't for the occasional pleased hum when his boyfriend ran his hands through his soft dual-colored hair or down his back.
"You look like a cat, " Izuku chuckled and Shoto grumbled in defiance but looked too sleepy to do much else.
  Izuku from then on ate cookies with one hand and with the other ran up and down Shoto's back, chattering about the new book he had found interesting or how he'd placed an order for yet more All might merchandise or laughing as he reminisced over the April fools pranks so wonderfully placed by Kaminari in the common room...and discovered by Kachan. Shoto, now almost completely incapable of intelligent thought hummed or mumbled his agreement, never feeling pressured to answer save for when he wanted to add something. This was often how their conversations played out when the green-haired boy's gentle touches were involved.
When Izuku blinked his large emerald eyes open again he found himself cuddled up against a fast asleep Shoto and laughed through his new pink flush of color. He spent a serene moment or so enjoying the feeling of being wrapped up in his arms before wiggling around to reach his phone and attempt to check the time."No," whined Shoto, only tightening his hold on the other to which Izuku laughed at him. He pulled an arm free with no little difficulty and managed to grasp the edge of his phone, retrieving it and reading the time. Shoto is adorably clingy half-asleep but Izuku is losing feeling in his arms.
"Sho..."
"No."
"It's almost supper, and I'm hungry...let's get takeout?"
Shoto seemed to mull the idea over in his sleep fogged head, before attempting to nod from where his chin was tucked into Izuku's mess of green curls.
"...If we can get soba noodles...and then call Inko while we eat so we can sleep right after," he planned finally relenting.
 "For sure." 
Izuku, in all of his wonderful qualities was also a worrier. He would spend all day huddled in blankets shaking if Shoto had let him, and both of them would go crazy thanks to his under the breath mumbling. So they'd decided to form some sort of schedule, at least some aspects of the day could be normal. It wasn't much, but it was a semblance structure that they had both benefitted from. Training could continue from the dorms and meals could remain the same (aside from impromptu sweet snacks 'for moral' as Izuku would exclaim) and every day after supper they would call Inko. It was easy to see where Izuku got those worrying habits from, the poor woman had never stopped checking in on them before they had begun to skype her and she, unfortunately, lived completely alone without any sort of Shoto-positivity-boost. 
Despite his agreement Shoto kept his eyes closed and made absolutely zero effort to release his boyfriend from his cuddle trap until Izuku cleared his throat. Shoto cracked his one clear blue eye open and huffed, giving up and letting Izuku pull himself to sit up in the bed. Shoto was wide awake after that, his snuggle buddy gone and the familiar weight in his arms missing. But it was almost worth the loss to be able to watch Izuku stretch and wake himself up. His arms reached high above his head, t-shirt riding up and exposing tempting well-defined muscles only to be hidden again far too soon when he relaxed and yawned, scrunching his drowsy freckle splashed face. Izuku must have felt his gaze because Shoto was caught as soon as his large eyes opened. 
The smaller looked immediately embarrassed, flushing from the neck up at the look he had received and began scrolling furiously on his phone to divert his attention until he found their favorite takeout delivery place for soba. Shoto's weak attempts not to laugh at him failed miserably and he tried to muffle his amusement with the back of his hand while getting a weak glare from Izuku.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." snickered Shoto, not looking like he was even a damn bit sorry. "Y-your reactions are so cute."
If it was somehow possible, his boyfriend's face darkened and Izuku brought his phone up higher to cover some of his burning face while he placed their order.
"You. Are. Impossible."
"You pronounced amazing wrong."
"Oh. My gosh. Stop. Please I'm begging you. Just get your butt up here so we can call my mom."
Shoto laughed again and pushed himself up so he could swing his legs over the side of the bed and get the computer. It was great to see such a change in Izuku from the anxious version he had seen earlier in the day, eyes fearfully wide and thoughts gone wild. Now he had a dumb lovesick grin on his face as he absently pulled on a hoodie to combat the loss of the warmth of the blankets. Even Shoto would admit he was worried, you would be a fool not to fear the sort of fragile feeling a global pandemic presented to you. But if he had learned anything in his years of knowing Izuku was that fear only meant you were growing.
"Could you move your legs for the computer, baby?"
Izuku almost choked as predicted. 
"I-I...y-yeah of course. I can. Do...yes." 
And then Shoto was laughing at him again, and Izuku was as red as the details of all might's hero costume and oh gosh that sounded so sweet and domestic and- wait.
"Y-you! You did that on purpose! Are you trying to give me a HEART ATTACK!" 
 Shoto clutched his stomach and nodded with his eyes shut tight, his rare laughter continuous as it filled the room.
 "I- I give up," laughed Izuku incredulously, shaking his head and fanning his too-warm face.
Shoto crawled up to sit with him at the head on his bed, seeming to have calmed himself down. In honesty it was just great to see him laugh like that, something fairly out of character for the red and white-haired boy. In minutes Inko's cheery and emotional face was on the screen scanning them and looking over them like she couldn't fully let herself believe that they were alright even after they insisted so the first three times the question was asked. Soon they were sharing their days and updates on the virus and Inko was raving about the television show she had been putting on while she cooked. Izuku got the notification that their food had arrived and politely (though a little formally) Shoto excused himself to get it for them. 
 Shoto was always quieter, more reserved around others and that teasing, funny and affectionate side of him often retreated until they were alone again. At one point early on in their relationship this had upset Izuku-he wanted his boyfriend to feel comfortable with everyone, and less guarded all the time. But now he saw it differently, it was a special thing they shared, something Izuku knew only he could see. Plus, it wasn't as if he could just change that part of himself, it was an effect of a traumatic childhood and not something Shoto could simply decide himself.
Shoto returned with their food and they talked for an hour more before Inko had to say goodbye.
"Please please take care of each other, boys! Try not to let his worrying get to you Shoto, and stay safe!" she exclaimed blowing them kisses.
"We will! Stay safe and don't worry about us too much. I love you mom!"
"Goodbye bye Mrs.- goodbye Inko, " Shoto corrected, a small dusting of pink over his cheeks. "Thank you for looking after us like this, we really appreciate it."
The two hung up on the call (Inko endearingly had not yet grown used to using the app) and Izuku leaned back against his boyfriend with a content sigh. His stomach was full, he was warm in the slightly too large in the arms, black-colored hoodie that he'd "borrowed" from his boyfriend, and Shoto had just wrapped his arms around his waist. Paradise. Right in his own dorm room. No matter what might be scary and swarming in the world outside living in the moment here with the people he loved made everything better. He tilted his head back and pressed a kiss to Shoto's jaw, eliciting a happy sound from him and the arms around him tightening. Despite the content feeling, he found he wasn't quite ready to fall asleep yet.��
"Do you want to watch a movie?" asked Izuku once he'd squirmed enough to see Shoto. 
He received a nod and after swiping through a lot of them, landed on an acclaimed foreign film from America.  It had enough action for both of them but was funny enough to keep their light mood. Though, admittedly, Shoto was far more interested in watching Izuku's reactions to some of the lines and the way he'd kiss him when he caught him staring. A tired Izuku was a (slightly) more confident one. He pulled him closer in his lap.  His usually, energetic boyfriend who "wasn't tired" was thirty minutes in when his heavy lids fell closed. He cuddled closer to Shoto, tucking his head between his shoulder and neck, warm breath raising goosebumps along Shoto's arms. 
In just less than ten minutes later Izuku was fast asleep and never remembered the other half-waking him while flicking off the TV and pulling them both under the covers. In the soft pale light from the shutters lighting lines along Izuku's face and curls Shoto couldn't help the sleepy lovesick smile that formed over his lips. There was no one else he'd rather spend months locked up and bored out his mind with. 
A.N/ This is from my TodoDeku One-shot collection on Wattpad! If you liked this chapter, go ahead and check it out with the link below! /
https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/219753106-~always~-tododeku-one-shots
1 note · View note
sunsetscurving · 5 years
Text
Tumblr media
Oh, Cruel Fate (Enemies to Lovers AU)
Ch. 12
ao3 link
The Demaurys and the Lallemants had been enemies for over one hundred years. And when Lucas first meets Eliott, he hates him with his whole heart even without knowing him, blaming him and his family for his life which is slowly falling apart. But when they are forced to live alongside in the same surrounding, something is changing between them. And this scares Lucas more than anything else.
They stayed in the abandoned leisure park till the night came. They were sitting on a fallen-down tree, Lucas’ head laying on Eliotts lap while the smaller boy looked up to the stars. No one would care if he stayed away this long and so he just enjoyed every little second with the other boy. They were exchanging kisses, touches and Lucas was smiling brightly the whole time as was Eliott. Lucas felt so good to finally admit his feelings, to finally stand up for them.
And for Eliott.
He was tired of this stupid feud and how it directed his life. It was time now to change the course of his life and by staying and being with Eliott, he took a step in the right direction.
“I love stargazing”, Lucas said quietly after they sat in silence for some moments. Eliott was playing with Lucas’ messy hair, looking down at him rather than the beautiful sky above them. He looked so… at peace with himself and his surroundings and Lucas felt the same. He felt like a big weight was lifted off his shoulders, he felt like finally being able to breath again. He felt… free. And safe. Safe in the arms of his potential enemy.
Who was now his lover.
“You do?”
Lucas nodded.
“When I was younger, I used to sneak out at night to just lay down in our backyard and look up into the stars. One time, I even started to count them”, said Lucas quietly and looked at the stars, scanning the night sky. “I always thought that every star was… special. That every star had a story to tell. And when they fell to earth as a shooting star, they were tired of keeping their stories to themselves, wanting to finally tell someone their story on earth.”
Eliott was watching him, the stars in his eyes even brighter than the sky above them. The older boy leaned down and kissed Lucas’ lips. Lucas closed his eyes, smiling against Eliotts lips. As Eliott pulled away, he still stayed close to Lucas’ mouth.
“You are still young, Lucas”, Eliott whispered now.
Lucas started to laugh and punched Eliotts shoulder lightly.
“Is this all you have to say to this, Monsieur Demaury?”
“Hmmm… Maybe I can also add that I never thought of you as romantic.”
“I am not romantic!”, protested Lucas immediately and Eliott rolled his eyes mockingly.
“I’m the king of romance. And if I know one thing then that stargazing really is the most romantic thing ever.”
“Would you consider this situation as romantic?”
“Of course I would! Wouldn’t you think like that?” Eliott was raising his eyebrows in sudden surprise and Lucas’ smile immediately went soft as he saw that the other boy saw some sort of importance in this whole romance thing.
“Okay, maybe this is a little bit romantic?”
“A little lot.”
Eliott was now smiling brightly again and Lucas’ new personal life mission was to keep that smile on these beautiful and soft lips as long as possible. Lucas pulled Eliott down and kissed his lips lightly, still feeling so dizzy whenever their lips met. This feeling could be compared to being high – but no joint in this world could make Lucas feel the way he did in exactly this moment.
“We should probably go soon. I don’t want to be lost in the forest. At night.”
“I think we could do a lot of things in the forest. Alone. At night…”
Eliott was smirking and Lucas’ heart jumped literally out of his chest as he saw in the sparkling eyes of the other one.
“We could also be killed in the forest. At night.”
Eliott rolled his eyes again which made Lucas laugh out. He sat up, running his fingers through his hair and stretching a bit. Eliott was already standing, holding out his hands for Lucas. Lucas took them and Eliott pulled him up, stealing a tiny kiss from Lucas that way.
They made their way back, laughing the whole time, holding hands. Lucas would never forget this night and this place and all the things which changed in some tiny minutes.
When they arrived back at the car, Eliott opened the door for Lucas and bowed a bit.
“Oh, how kind of you, Monsieur.”
“Always at your service”, said Eliott grinning and sat down behind the wheel. Lucas hand was automatically finding its way to Eliotts knee, stroking it with his thumb. Eliott was smiling brightly at that, starting the car which brought them away from this magical place into reality again.
.
“You know what? Let’s just run away. Together.”
“What?”
Some minutes have passed in which they listened to the music from the radio, just enjoying the presence of the other one and the quiet landscape rushing past them. They were now in the city again, Lucas starting to recognize the alleys and streets. When Eliott said these words, Lucas turned around, frowning slightly. Eliott was turning his head to Lucas and something… something in his gaze was off. It was something in the way his eyes lit up, his smile seeming too bright.
“I am serious, Lucas. Let’s run away. Leaving everything behind. No one would care.”
“I— I’m sure that my mum would care. And I would also care. I don’t run away from my responsibilities.”
“Lucas, no one would miss us”, said Eliott while laughing and Lucas was just watching him, not being sure what the fuck was going on.
“Why are you even thinking about this? I mean… didn’t you said that you wanted to end this feud? The fight between our parents would be even worse if we would run away together.”
Lucas liked the idea of being with Eliott, of course he did. Somewhere no one knew their names or their background story. Somewhere, where they could start again, just being themselves. But Lucas just found the bravery inside him and he wouldn’t run away from this feud – he would face it and end it, together with Eliott.
“Yeah, I said that. But I think I changed my mind. I just want to be with you, don’t you understand this?”
Eliott looked at Lucas and still smiled this… this smile.
“I also want to be with you, Eliott. And I’m sure that we will figure something out. But not this way – we need to face our fate and not run away from it, hiding. This is not how this feud is going to end.”
Suddenly, Lucas realized that they were driving fast.
Really fast.
Eliott didn’t seem to care, he just looked straight ahead on the road.
“We could steal some money from our parents to buy a house for ourselves”, said Eliott now as if Lucas didn’t say anything at all. “We could adopt a dog! Oh, I love dogs. Don’t you?”
Lucas was confused. Very confused.
And concerned.
Because Eliott didn’t seem to slow down with the car. Although the street was empty here at this late hour, Lucas felt some kind of panic inside of him, slowly but surely taking over his body.
“Eliott, could you slow down a little?”, said Lucas now quietly, his voice suddenly seeming weak. “I think that we’re not allowed to drive that fast here.”
“Maybe we could even live in another country. Oh, and we will definitely have a piano in our house where we could play together. Would you like that?”
“Eliott. Slow down the car.”
Lucas was being pressed into the seat by now, the world rushing past him in a blur.
“I will definitely paint the walls by myself. Maybe one wall will just be a giant mural out of all the colors in this world.”
Eliott laughed and Lucas was grabbing the seat under him so hard that his knuckles went white. Eliott didn’t seem to listen to him. He seemed to be in his own world, not even realizing that he drove that fast.
And that they were starting to slide over to the opposite lane.
Eliott was still rambling and everything seemed to slow down around Lucas for a moment. He could only hear his fast heartbeat in his ears and the blood rushing through his veins. Eliotts voice was somewhere in the background, the words slurred together while Lucas was staring out of the window.
While Lucas was staring at the car which was driving towards them.
With a rush, all the sounds came back. The honking of the other car horn was so loud that Lucas didn’t hear his own scream.
“ELIOTT!”
And before Lucas could overthink this, he reached over to Eliott and turned the wheel around with a sudden motion. The car was taking a drastic turn while the tires where screeching. Eliott finally seemed to realize what was happening right here and he pressed the break, the car coming to a stop just in front of a trench.
Lucas was shaking.
Eliott was panting.
They were alive.
We could’ve been dead by now.
Lucas was starting to unbuckle his belt, his fingers shaking so much that he couldn’t seem to get it right.
“Let me help –” Eliotts voice was quiet but Lucas flinched away as the other boy was reaching over to him. He needed air, he needed space. He needed…
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
And finally, the belt loosened and Lucas was bursting out of the car. He gulped in some breaths of air, slowly kneeling down on the ground next to the car. He couldn’t trust his legs, he couldn’t trust his body to stand on its own shortly after some sort of near-death experience.
“Lucas…”
“ARE YOU FUCKING MAD?”
Eliott slowly went around the car and was just about to kneel down next to Lucas as Lucas screamed these words into the silence of the night.
“You could’ve killed us! You… You didn’t slow down. Why the fuck didn’t you slow down?”
“I’m sorry… I—”
“You are mad. Or crazy. Or… I don’t know.”
Lucas was pulled his hair slightly, being in a state of total shock, not really knowing what he was saying or what he just did to Eliott with these words. He would only realize that later. Too late.
Lucas was now looking up to Eliott, tears in his eyes from the shock and the fear.
“Why didn’t you slow down? Did you even realize that a fucking car was coming towards us?”
Eliott was just standing there, his shoulders hanging down, looking like a lost puppy. The too bright light in his eyes was gone, the smile on his lips too.
“I… I don’t know what just happened…”
“Oh, you don’t know?”, said Lucas with sarcasm in his words.
“I’ll tell you what just happened. You nearly killed us. You nearly killed us while talking about our future, not even giving a fuck about what I said.”
“Lucas…”
“Don’t.” Lucas was holding up a hand. He was so afraid and so shock that he didn’t even think about asking Eliott how he felt. How he was after their nearly accident. He only blamed him – like he had been doing it for the last weeks. Like he never wanted to do it again.
“If you wanted to kill me, you could’ve done it differently”, Lucas said with a bitter voice while slowly getting up. Eliott was taking an unsure step towards Lucas. When Lucas would recall that situation and their conversation later, he would realize that Eliott was equally shock about himself and this reaction.
Right now, Lucas was not caring. Could not care at this very moment. He turned around and started to walk away from the car. He knew the streets, he knew how to get home from here.
“Lucas.”
Lucas was not listening, not turning around.
“Lucas, where are you going?”
“I am going home. I don’t want to drive in that car again. Not tonight.”
“Lucas… Please, stay here. I am sorry. I can explain it.”
His heart was telling him to stay. His heart was hurting by all the emotions in Eliotts voice, by the way his voice broke at the end of the sentence.
“Yeah, me too”, Lucas mumbled and kept walking.
His heart was telling him to turn around and burry himself in the arms of Eliott.
But his stupid mind won.  
.
Eliott was standing next to the car, frozen in place, as Lucas turned the corner and disappeared from his sight. That was when he slid down the car and didn’t hold back the tears anymore.
It happened again.
It happened in the exact moment where all he wanted was to stay happy and free with Lucas by his side.
And he screwed up.
Like so many times before.
He nearly killed Lucas. He nearly killed the both of them. He should have seen it coming, he should have… told Lucas about it. But he was afraid. And still is afraid of losing him. But now that all of that happened…
Now it was better that he lost Lucas.
Lucas deserved better than him. Better than a broken boy who couldn’t even control himself and his life. How should he be able to control himself in a relationship with someone he really cared about? How should he be able to control himself when it wasn’t about him but others too?
Eliott was banging his head against the car behind him, cursing himself and his whole being. He was turning his head in the direction where Lucas left, tears running down his cheeks.
He didn’t know how it would feel to lose something you really cared about.
Now Eliott knew.
And he felt like shit.
72 notes · View notes