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stxrvel · 2 days

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tis the damn season

a season of sadness wanted to come to an end. 'tis the damn season and you thought maybe you could go home and live with your mate the way it was meant to be…

pairing: azriel x f!reader

wc: +3.5k

warnings: pure angst, cuss words and slight (or light? soft?) unprotected (wrap it up) smut. no happy ending, sorry

note: hi guys! :)- i wrote and published this one some time ago, but i deleted it because it was poorly received and that disappointed me a bit. but now that i was able to read it again, i feel it's a good job and that should be enough for me. i hope you guys like it :). see u next time!

Azriel was your mate. You had known for a couple of months. He knew it long before that, too. The bond snapped first for him, but he never tried to get close to you. You didn't know if it was out of fear or if he never agreed with what was chosen for the two of you by the Cauldron.

Likewise, you never had time to ask. The battle against the King of Hybern almost cost you your life. You didn't know what things had been done outside of your consciousness to keep you alive, you didn't know what boundaries Rhysand had crossed to bring you back to life, and you never wanted to ask either. You never asked anything, living in that ignorance gave you a sense of peace you didn't want to get rid of.

But things were never the same after that. From the day you woke up, everything felt different. During that time, you didn't allow yourself much time to delve into what the recent bond between you and Azriel meant, and he always agreed to give you your time.

However, one day, out of nowhere, it all became too overwhelming. And you decided to run away.

You never said anything to anyone, and you closed the door so Azriel couldn't feel you. You knew it must've been painful for everyone, especially your mate, but being with all of them after everything that had happened was unbearable. You lived under a constant reminder of suffering, violence and blood. You couldn't stop seeing your hands full of blood every time you closed your eyes, guilty for the lives they had taken as if you had had any right to do so, but having to know daily that it was all justified. Velaris and the permanence of the rest of Prythian justified it.

So, you went far away, to the other side of the world, to the east. To the Continent.

And life was not easy at all. You knew Azriel wasn't having a good time. After a while, the wall you both had built around the bond was beginning to crack and his emotions were seeping through those tiny cracks. You could sometimes feel his sadness, his pain… his anger. After a couple of minutes of heartbreaking grief, the pangs of anger would appear. You could tell what he was going through and, selflessly, you tried to think that your decision was for the best.

Rhysand wrote to you almost daily. Paper with his handwriting constantly appeared around you and, although you never answered him, he always made it a point to let you know everything that was going on in Velaris.

The first few days were the hardest.

There was a heavy snowfall on the Continent when you arrived, something that had never been more than a welcome, tearing at your skin. The cold was so deadly and the gales so lethal that you couldn't leave the apartment you were renting for a whole week. Apparently, at that time, that was normal. The cold that fogged up the windows, that froze your limbs, and that made all signs of life disappear.

Where are you? Azriel is very worried

Please, answer me

Y/N

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU????

Cassian and Azriel are flying over Velaris. Can you just tell me, please?

Y/N, we are very worried. Please.

Please.

You had a lot of tugging on your bond from Azriel. You could feel his desperation even through the walls of silence. Those were difficult days. The cold days were not comforting at all.

However, as the months passed, with the cultural difference and the harshness of reality outside of the family you had known for as long as you had memories, so many hundreds of years ago, you gave in to Rhysand's wishes to return to Velaris on the night of the Starfall.

And that night… well, you hadn't told anyone you were going.

But as you expected, Azriel was the first to know you were there.

You heard the flutter of his wings before you saw him, towering in the moonlight against the dim lighting in the city in anticipation of the biggest celebration of the year. He stumbled as he fell, being one of the few times you had seen him unable to control his strength, staggering with his feet and hands to get to a safe distance from you. His breathing was rapid, almost erratic and his eyes were bright, crystallized. The stirring movement in your chest brought tears to your eyes.

Azriel was there in front of you from the moment he had the slight feeling, because he knew the bond wasn't wrong. And his gaze reflected everything. Everything he wanted to say and everything he preferred to keep silent. You had never felt so strongly the need to be close to him; you hadn't even accepted the bond, but you felt as if you had just done it. His eyes roamed the features of your face, his expression contracting as if he was slowly processing that you were really there in front of him.

You saw him raise one of his hands, the hands that had so often held you in the darkness and through the sadness. If you focused really well, you could almost notice how his body trembled at the closeness, with anticipation, just as your body shuddered at his presence.

The effects of the bond were powerful. But that hadn't been what made you fall in love with him.

Azriel took a tentative step forward, reaching out his hands as if in a trance, seeking to touch you to make sure it was really you in front of him and not some kind of hallucination. Your voice stopped him on his feet.

“Hello, Azriel,” you could barely speak, that suffocating feeling of being close tightening your throat. His eyes moved quickly back to yours and watered once more, his breathing quickening again. You didn't know what you had awakened in him just by speaking to him once more after so long without seeing him, but it must've been the same thing that ignited in your body when he spoke.

“Y/N,” he elongated your name, like a plea or a prayer, you weren't sure. Electricity coursed through your body in a matter of seconds and you felt your feet move before you could stop them. The emotion rising in your chest matched your mate's expression, nostalgic because it had been so many months since you had last been so close and yet more pained and suffering because you had been the reason all that pain now surrounded you both.

You stopped just inches away from him, your hands itching with the need to touch him, to feel him close, to once again have that warmth that would warm and thaw your soul. His huge, beautiful wings were taut behind him, being that all his attention was focused on your every move. You saw him hold his breath as you approached, struggling hard to hold back the tears that welled up in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” you whispered the question, the air stealing your confidence, perhaps feeling a little silly and embarrassed about it. Suddenly, you felt too small under his gaze.

“Okay?” the change in his voice was hardly imperceptible, sending shivers throughout your body, the panic of fear making its way into your chest, the bond tightening as if both ends were being pulled at the same time. “You left for a year without telling anyone. We went months without knowing if you were okay. I couldn't… I couldn't… feel you.”

His voice became shaky, each word brimming with a tinge of suppressed anger.

“Do you think I'm anything close to okay?”

Yes, it was a stupid question. The knot in your chest grew rapidly, the back of your throat burning with pent-up tears.

“I can't even enjoy the relief of seeing you now because… I'm so angry.”

“I know…” you barely mumbled, lowering your head. How could you look him in the eye? Why did you think you had the right to go back as if nothing had happened? It was clear that things weren't going to be like they were before. You weren't sure about the others, but it seemed you had taken some of Azriel with you by disappearing like that. Proud you weren't of your actions, but you didn't know how to explain to his shattered features and cheeks wet with tears that, at that moment, you believed it was the right thing to do.

The tears in his eyes prompted your own and you sobbed unable to contain the feeling. You tried to regain your composure, because you had no right to show such sadness when you had created it all. But Azriel was faster and you didn't even manage to put your hands under your eyes when his arms wrapped around your shoulders tightly. His wings also surrounded you and, although you had hardly noticed it because of the darkness, you felt his shadows dance around your feet.

The warmth of his body was automatically welcome. How many times had you imagined that scene in your cold bed on the Continent, all alone and devastated from time to time, with memories invading your mind. Not many times did you regret your decision, except when you thought of Azriel.

He sobbed too, his hands tightening on your arms, as if he was afraid to let you go again. He probably was.

“I don't understand what made you think you'd be better off away from us… away from me, but I'm sorry.”

His words surprised you, but a flood of feelings greeted you from the other end of the bond as Azriel let go and you couldn't think too hard. Crying swirled in the back of your throat. The level of pain and sadness that your mate was handling and had hidden from you for so long was so uncontainable that you almost doubled over, leaning over Azriel's body as you felt it rushing through you.

“I thought you needed space. I know what happened with Hybern was too much for you and I didn't want to overwhelm you. But if I had known that decision would've made you decide you'd be better off away from me…” Azriel gulped, his voice full of feeling breaking off between words. “If I had known I promise you it would've been different.”

You couldn't believe Azriel was telling you that. And the feelings coming from his end through the bond confirmed it to you. Azriel felt guilty about your departure. From moment one, when the panic and fear dissipated, Azriel never stopped feeling that it had been his responsibility that you decided to leave. And he couldn't have been more wrong. You loved him, had loved him long before the bond appeared, but the things that happened after Hybern, that affected you, had nothing to do with him.

“Azriel…”

“I'm supposed to be your mate. I'm supposed to support you, help you when you're down. I don't understand how I could fail at that. I'm sorry,” his voice was muffled as he spoke with his face hidden in your neck. At no time did he let go of you and his wings kept you warm. At that moment, that was home.

“I promise it's not your fault,” you managed to speak, your face pressed against his chest.

“I was supposed to be with you, accompanying you, but I-”

“Azriel, you didn't do anything wrong,” you fought against his tight grip so you could look him in the eyes and the tears running down his cheeks broke your heart once again.

“Then why did you leave?”

You didn't have an answer for that and Azriel realized it when your lips pursed. He sighed, as best he could, and drew you back into his arms. Maybe he didn't need an answer at that moment, just having you by his side was more than enough.

With the others it wasn't much easier.

Rhysand and Feyre almost wept at your feet. Cassian, on the other hand, didn't hide it and deliberately filled your shoulder with tears and saliva. Mor lifted you into the air and almost didn't let you escape when Azriel started begging her to let you go already. Everyone cried. Possibly even Feyre's sisters shed a tear or two.

You felt calm for a while. Complete, as if you were back in that house, in that home, before Amarantha and Hybern destroyed everything for you.

But things couldn't be perfect. After the Starfall, you began to feel that anxiety again. Azriel could only tell by your body language, because you still kept your end of the bond completely closed to him and he couldn't feel the swirl of emotions coursing through your body. You had barely had time to get used to the familiarity of the situation when all the memories came flooding back. Perhaps you had blocked them out during your absence living on the Continent, you weren't sure, but the cries of war began to haunt you from the back of your mind.

Azriel's shadows were also restless and that was another way he could tell something was going on. He was almost glued to your side all night, watching you out of the corner of his eye when you stepped away to talk to some friends. He never let you out of his sight. You knew where this behavior was coming from, but it never occurred to you to comment on it at any time.

So, by that time, Azriel knew what was going on and you were sure you couldn't escape him. When he approached you and extended his hand in silent invitation, with the sound of conversations and drinks in the back of your head, you almost didn't hesitate to take it. His darkness enveloped you and, within seconds, you appeared in your room at the Town House. The party was now an imperceptible murmur.

“Would you like to rest?” Azriel spoke, after spending several seconds standing facing each other. One of his hands ran over your face barely perfunctorily, but the warm sensation ignited too many things in your body. He arranged the strands of your hair that hid your face behind your ears with delicate, almost invisible movements.

You only moved your head in response, up and down, under his watchful gaze.

He almost crawled away, moving to your old bed that didn't have the same sheets as when you left. In fact, when you took a quick glance around the room, it looked too neat considering the amount of time that, presumably, no one used it.

You shrunk at the thought of Azriel coming in regularly to clean it.

With crystallized eyes you watched him move the comforter to make way for the clean white sheets waiting to be used once again after so long.

Azriel turned to look at you, expectant. You didn't know if he was waiting for you to move to lie down or to ask him to leave so you could change into comfortable pajamas, but you did neither. Not when the emotions in your chest moved you, when they were more uncontainable now that you shared your mate's. Not when he opened up to you in such a vulnerable way, when he let you know that which for so long he kept to himself. Not when he gave you to understand that he was always waiting for you, even though it hurt him terribly that you had decided to spend all that time alone.

So, for some reason, whether it was feelings or rationality, you approached him. You let yourself be carried away by nostalgia, by the silent desires of your heart, and you approached your mate with long strides.

His expression went from neutral to confused as you got closer and you only remembered seeing it turn to surprise when you cradled his face in your hands and kissed him.

It was rough and awkward at first, because your mate was completely transfixed for a few seconds. Maybe out of anxiety you counted ten. But, whether he was born from the same place as you or not, Azriel melted under your touch and as soon as he came to his senses he was kissing you back. It was just the kiss of an unaccepted bond, of a separated couple who held too many melancholy memories in their chests to bear on their own.

Azriel wrapped his strong arms around your waist and bent his head to kiss you more deeply. You could feel the desperation and desire hovering tentatively in his demeanor, but he held back to give you a sweet, soft kiss; a kiss that said welcome, a kiss that urged you to stay by your side and never be separated from him again, a kiss that made you wonder why you had left in the first place.

The softness of his movements were a direct contrast to your own. You cradled his face tightly, moving your lips over his as if second nature. Then you circled his neck, pressing him against you as if somehow you could hold him that much closer. You wanted him closer.

But Azriel broke away, breathing in and out between gasps, and looked up at you with dark, glowing eyes.

“Do you want this?”

His hands on your skin burned.

“Yes,” you answered quickly and tried to move closer again to kiss him, but he broke away again.

“And are you going to stay after this?”

Your eyes met his worried expression, thinly disguised. Ever since he'd opened his end of the bond for you, shedding any obstacle on his part that wouldn't allow him to feel you, everything you'd seen from him had been genuine. So you knew that concern was genuine and the mere conception generated pain in your heart.

“I will stay,” you assured him, forcing your lips into a tight smile.

Azriel studied your face trying to convince himself of your words, for he was an expert at knowing your body language, and you had no idea what he saw that convinced him and led him to pounce on your mouth once more.

When the lightness settled into the bond, you were thankful you had never lowered your wall. Guilt suffocated you.

But you kissed him back and followed your heart's desires, if only for one night.

Azriel moved his hands along every curve of your body before removing your dress. If you hadn't stopped his movements, he would've surely ripped it off. His eyes followed every part his hands had explored and then his lips were on every inch of skin. Against the soft mattress and with your wrists held by his hands, you could only sigh and moan slightly at the way he explored your body. And yes, Azriel took his time.

Before long there wasn't a single cloth separating the two of you and your mate simply couldn't keep his hands and lips still. Not that he wanted to, either. You moved your hands along his back, trying to avoid his wings, and moving your lips down his neck when he would let you because it seemed like all he wanted to do was eat you up with kisses.

It wasn't long before he had you panting against him, with the sound of bodies colliding being the only thing your head could process at that moment. The tingling that coursed through your body was like no other you had ever felt; the wonders Azriel was doing with your body were unparalleled. He was panting too and every time he met your eyes it seemed to you that they were darker than the last time, but he never stopped holding you at any moment, never stopped hugging you as if his whole life depended on it. Maybe it did.

The feel of his body against yours was indescribable, the movement and rhythm almost unbearable. You had never felt pleasure even remotely close to what he was making you feel at that moment.

“Azriel…” you moaned his name, gripping his shoulders tightly, burying your nails as if it were your only stability.

He cursed between gasps, increasing the pace and the force with which he held your waist.

You were never going to get to touch the sky like you did that night, that much was clear. Even though your head was split in two, you looked into his eyes as you went through the most shattering, sweeping orgasm you'd ever had, reveling in the sounds that came from his mouth as he followed you to paradise.

You thought it was going to be hard afterwards, but you fell asleep almost instantly.

When you opened your eyes again, your mate's arms and legs were wrapped around your body and one of his wings was covering your nakedness and keeping you warm. You were facing him, chest to chest, and just looking at his peaceful sleeping face made you want to cry. Life was here, next to him, why couldn't you accept that?

Getting out of bed without waking him up was quite a battle. Not as much as it was to sit at the foot of the bed, watching him rest, completely unaware of what would await him when he woke up. This time you were being selfish, you knew it, it was too cruel. But in your head there was nothing but disaster, pain disguised as stability. You couldn't have a good life with Azriel now and you didn't know if you could bear to see him to tell him after you promised to stay. You shouldn't have told him that, but how could you tell him otherwise? Maybe if he woke up at that moment you would stay… maybe that's why you sat there for so long.

But finally you left, just like last time, in the middle of the silence, with his shadows following your feet and trying to keep you company. You felt a deja-vu as you stood in front of the door, thinking about how on both occasions you were thinking about what would happen if someone showed up to stop you.

It didn't, in either case, and you knew the next day the exact moment when Azriel realized you had done it once again. He didn't try to hide his pain, he didn't have to, you deserved to know how you had made him feel.

On the ship, on the way to the Continent, you fell to your knees as his pain stole your breath.

#azriel x you #azriel fanfic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel acotar #azriel #azriel angst #azriel spymaster #acotar fanfiction #acotar #azriel smut

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inaconstantstateofchange · 1 day

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binggeyuan modern!AU based on this prompt where shen yuan and luo binghe live in the same apartment building, but have never met each other. SY is more-or-less his regular shut-in self, and keeps very odd hours, which means that he happens to be wide awake the first time LBH gets back to the apartment building at 3 a.m. after some manner of illicit activity and realizes he doesn't have his fucking entrance key. LBH hits one apartment number after another into the intercom, fully prepared to dazzle his way into getting one of them to open the door for him, but the intercom is old, and people come and go from this building often enough that most people don't bother getting it set up, and he's having no luck.

finally, just as he's about to give up and bully his way onto mobei-jun or sha hualing's couch for the night, someone picks up. he doesn't even remember which specific apartment number it was, he was just entering them mechanically. immediately, LBH pulls on his smoothest affect (sure the intercom has no video, only shitty, garbled audio, but that's no reason to let the universe catch you slipping) and prepares to give the sob story performance of his life. before he can even get a single word out, however, there's a crackly, almost indiscernible "Open!" and he hears the click of the entrance door unlocking before the intercom call is ended. he stares at the intercom for a minute, somewhat wrong-footed, but then shakes himself out of it in time to catch the door before it locks again.

SY, for his part, was broken out of a binge-reading spiral by the intercom call, and fully did not realize how late it had gotten. he assumed he had ordered something that was arriving earlier than expected, and kept an ear out for a knock on his front door from the delivery person for a few minutes, but then got sucked back into the target of his current literary criticism.

the next time LBH gets locked out, he starts in the general number range he remembers striking on the last time, and pays closer attention to the numbers this time. he's curious if his little philanthropist will be so accommodating again. SY orders a lot of packages, okay! the one time he didn't pick up the intercom he had to wait an extra three days for his ultra-rare, limited edition merch, which he will not be going through again. this time, though, when the intercom picks up, LBH is prepared. he starts talking immediately, playing up his stress at being locked out, how sorry he is to be a bother, and how much he really, really appreciates it. SY fully blue screens at this unanticipated display of emotions, blurts something out about how it's not problem and of course he's happy to help out a neighbor in need, then hangs up (after unlocking the entrance, of course). it is perhaps fortunate that the intercom has no video, and thus he can not see the look on LBH's face.

LBH gets more and more consistent pushy with his calls, curious how far this little philanthropist will go for him. he knows his apartment number, of course, he could just knock and introduce himself, but he'd rather let him come to him. LBH starts interjecting little questions here and there, trying to glean any information about his mysterious benefactor. SY, meanwhile, is lighting a daily candle for this poor little bun somewhere in his building, who has truly the worst luck in the entire world! who ever heard of a gang of pickpockets stealing someone's keys not once, but twice in the same week!

LBH gets comfortable with the state of things — as ever, too comfortable. nothing good can last forever. one night, after a long and utterly shitty day, for the first time in ages, he loses his key for real. he's tried to avoid reaching out to SY at any time when he's not 100% in control of himself, but there's nothing for it. he punches in the numbers for the unit he knows by heart at this point, and when it picks up, he sighs tiredly, and waits for SY to speak first. after a moment of silence, the call drops, and the door remains locked. LBH is almost shaken entirely out of his malaise. not even a word? he puts SY's apartment number in again, but this time it doesn't even pick up. he stares at the intercom in unpleasant shock for a few minutes, then punches the wall next to it and leaves. he spends the night on mobei-jun's uncomfortably small couch, staring unseeing at the ceiling above him. at least the other man doesn't ask him any questions.

their easy rapport broken, SY starts to worry when he hasn't heard from his unfortunate little neighbor — maybe he's moved out? hopefully to a place with a more accommodating security system... after a full week, his worry ramps up even higher. he wants to believe his neighbor just found a system to keep track of his keys that works for him, but statistically, it seems unlikely. feeling like the most awkward, overstepping idiot on the planet, he scribbles off a few short notes, and sticks one by the the intercom, one by the mailboxes, and one in the laundry room. his neighbor will have to go at least one of those places, certainly?

to my keyless neighbor - hope you're well! i was worried- if you ever need me, you know where to reach me. you weren't a bother- - XX4

the next time LBH stops by the apartment (he's been avoiding it by couch-hopping as much as possible, to the great aggravation of his friends) he carefully avoids looking at the intercom. as such, it's actually sha hualing who spots the note first. (she bullied her way into an invite to make LBH actually go home.) she crows out a harsh laugh, snatching the note off the wall and holding it up dramatically, cackling about "rom-com shit". LBH isn't really paying attention, until he catches a glimpse of the apartment number at the bottom. eyes flashing, he snatches the note out of her hand, and reads it over once, and then again. after a moment, he turns to sha hualing, and tells her to go home, that he's got plans, actually. she gapes at him for a moment, then scoffs and turns on her heel, flipping him off as she goes. whatever! she didn't want to babysit his mopey ass any longer anyway!

LBH spends a few frozen moments running over his options, torn between calling right now just to see if his philanthropist will pick up this time, and giving himself a chance to freshen up, and maybe make a good enough showing for himself that whatever it was that caused him to be ignored before will never happen again. ultimately, he decides on the latter, but rushes through all his preparations as much as he can while maintaining sufficient attention to detail. he wishes he had the materials to make something truly spectacular, but his apartment is showing his absence over the past week. he settles on a meal that just barely feels sufficient, and finds himself more anxious than he can remember being in years at this point, staring at his philanthropist's apartment door, two levels below his.

he raises his fist to knock, tentatively at first, too quiet to hear, and then once more, louder. a muffled voice comes through the door, and a few moments later, it cracks open to reveal a man just a bit shorter than him, with a rumpled shirt that looks like it has just been haphazardly thrown on and hair that might not have been brushed in days. he's... really cute.

LBH and SY just kind of stare at each other, frozen, for a bit, until LBH proffers the food he's brought, and SY's archaic etiquette subroutines kick in, and he invites LBH in before he can even think about. his immediate wince makes it clear he had not meant to do that, but LBH is not above making a situation work to his advantage, and graciously accepts, stepping into the somewhat cluttered apartment before SY can recover from his slip-up. they still have not exchanged names.

ultimately, they get themselves figured out. LBH introduces himself, and SY follows suit. there's a beat of silence as they both realize that this does not actually clear up anything about how they know each other. LBH finds the words to explain his own part in this are slow to come, so he finally just hands the note, neatly folded, to SY. SY's face colors, but he overcomes it to fussily poke at LBH about how worried he was, when the other just disappeared! LBH stops for a second, hearing that, then slowly responds that it was SY who cut him off first. SY gapes at him, then demands to know when he did a thing like that! he set his intercom call sound to caramelldansen and max volume so he'd be sure not to miss it!

LBH gives him the date, and SY flushes again, then looks away, muttering something unflattering about a "qingge". LBH feels a wash of jealousy, that he's misread the situation and SY is already spoken for, but SY goes on to explain that he had been stuck overnight at the hospital - for nothing major! pretty routine actually! - and the friend that was staying with him must have picked up, then hung up when he couldn't figure out who was calling.

LBH sits back, somewhat at a loss. so it... wasn't because SY was tired of him? SY sputters, waving his hands about. absolutely not! he might be slightly forgetful, but binghe is clearly a wonderful young man and it's not like SY has much else going on in his life!

LBH determines to himself then and there that the only way to ensure such a thing does not happen again is to make sure that he is the one staying with SY the next time he's in the hospital.

#gods this got SO MUCH LONGER THAN I ANTICIPATED #anyway i like this prompt a lot it has a lot of flexibility #and yes lbh starts very bingge but then gets passively bingmei-ified #svsss #bingyuan #binggeyuan #shen yuan #luo binghe #luo bingge #svsss au #svsss fic #my writing #writing prompt

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pasta-in-the-pudding · 2 days

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Thank youuu, maayybbee a comforting headcanons about your choice of Creepypasta with a reader who is like uh like really really tired in all sort of ways that they won’t cooperate in anything, mind being so nice to give them a whole slideshow of their messed up childhood and

Y’know just a really fucked out reader

Sorry if it’s y’know too much or anything, you can do it whenever you want!

-🐰

I love writing comfort scenarios <33

Credits to divider goes to saradika-graphics! Go follow them and support their works

Thank you so much for requesting!!

Ticci Toby

He understands that sometimes, everything is too much and your brain just kind of shuts down

But he is also a very anxious person

So when he sees you laying in bed, the exact same position you were in when he left in the morning, he gets a little concerned

Have you moved at all? Have you eaten? Drank anything? Taken a shower?

But he respects your privacy and doesn't ask you about it, assuming maybe you just wanted a lazy day to yourself

So he brings his dinner up to you that night, sharing just in case this is in fact the first you've eaten all day

And when you continue this behavior the next day, he begins to panic

The other creeps know something's up too, or at least, E.J does, because once Toby gets home E.J approaches him about it

"Hey, I asked y/n to clean the equipment they used in the gym last time and they just said no. They also seemed pretty lethargic, barely moving or breathing at all. Nothing to worry about right now, but it is concerning."

And with that, he walks off, seemingly not even wanting an answer, just wanting to give Toby a heads up

So once again, Toby goes to your room once again, seeing that you still haven't moved

"You haven't moved." He says

"Mhm" you respond absently, scrolling on your phone

"Have you eaten today?" He asks, beginning to get nervous

"Mhm" you respond once more, though it's not a real response it's just one to make him happy

"Um. EJ said you didn't want to clean the gym equipment you used?" He fidgets with his fingers now, picking at the dry skin

"Mhm" Is the only thing you say, and the only thing you're going to say he realizes

So he comes to sit on the bed next to you, moving some of your hair out of your face (if you have any, if you don't he rubs your back) "Are you ok? You can talk to me, you know? I love you"

This seems to trigger something in you, because instantly a flood of tears happens

This startles him, but he continues to comfort you nonetheless

He pulls you up and drapes your arms over his shoulders, while his go around your body, rubbing your back and head

He doesn't talk because he doesn't want to overwhelm you, so he silently rubs you and kisses you until your sobs turn into sniffles

"Let me take care of you tomorrow?" He asks, pulling away to look into your eyes

You pull him back into the hug and nod "please"

Jeff The Killer

Jeff doesn't really know how to deal with his own emotions, let alone someone else's

So when he sees you in a funk, he decides to just leave you alone and let you deal with it yourself, because he doesn't trust himself enough to actually help instead of hurt

But this of course, it seen as him leaving you in your time of need from your perspective

So this only makes matters worse, causing you to snap at others for small things, like when Toby accidentally bumps into you while you are on the way to get another snack

He of course, apologizes profusely, but it just isn't your day so you yell at him and tell him to be more careful next time

When Jeff gets home, Toby is talking about the incident with another creep

Not in a malicious way, but in a concerned way

This peaks Jeff's interest "What are you saying about my partner over there??"

"I'm just worried is all. They totally blew up after I accidentally bumped into them" Toby says, putting his hands up defensively

Jeff scoffs and rolls his eyes, already tired of the mood you're in

So he goes up to your room and walks in angrily saying "Why are you being such a dick? What'd Toby ever do to you?"

You don't feel like arguing, so you snuggle further into your bed

He laughs at this "Seriously? You're gonna ignore me? Listen dude, I don't know who you think you are but I really don't like this fucking color on you. Fix your attitude before I fix it for you" And with that he slams your door

Next day, you bump into each other in one of the hallways, and he tries to talk to you obviously seeing you still upset, but you push past him

Or at least try to

He quickly catches you and pins you against a wall "Just listen to me, won't you?!" he yells

This is all too much for you, so you begin to cry, bowing your head so maybe he won't see it

He softens at this, loosening his grip and looking at you confusedly "Why....why are you crying?"

"Why are you being so mean to me??" You ask as you sob

He sighs and brings you into a tight hug "Ok.....Ok tell me how long you've been upset"

"A long time!" You say truthfully "It's not even about Toby!"

"Why didn't you say anything??" He asks, cradling your head against his shoulder

You grip onto his chest and try to catch your breath before talking "Because you left and I thought you didn't want to see me!" You whine in a fast, high pitched voice

Despite this, he seems to catch every word "No, baby, baby....I always wanna see you I just didn't wanna hurt you...." He whispers into your head

"But you did!" You say into his shoulder

"I know....I'm sorry" He rubs your back a bit before kissing your head

"....really?" you sniffle

"Yeah" He pulls away and lifts your head to kiss your forehead, before pulling you back into the hug

You are quiet for a while, standing in the hallway and holding each other before you finally break the silence "it did feel good to cry"

He snorts and pulls away "Well I'm glad you liked it, because now I have snot and spit all over my hoodie"

You smile and kiss his nose "You love it"

Ben Drowned

Barely moving himself, he probably won't notice for a little bit

But when he does, he just assumes you're in a lazy mood, So he tries to snuggle up with you in bed

You flip over, avoiding his touch which makes him raise an eyebrow "Hey, you ok? It's cool if you just wanna be alone but this isn't like you"

"I'm fine" you say quickly

"....oookay.....do you want me to leave you alone?" He asks, his face changing from confused to concerned

You don't answer for a long while, but when you finally do you say "no"

"ok" he says simply, staying to his own side of the bed while he plays video games

Eventually, you begin to cry softly, and you flip back over to snuggle into his chest, wrapping your arms and legs around him like a koala

He looks at you for a moment before putting the game aside for a second and petting your head "I thought you said you were ok?"

You shake your head and cling harder

"Alright, c'mere" he says, pulling you up into his lap and putting your head in the crook of his neck

You try to hide your face away in his shoulder, but he grabs your chin before you get the chance "Hold still, I wanna kiss you" he says

With this, he kisses anywhere he can reach, eventually letting you drop your head back onto his shoulder while he grabs onto your arm and kisses from your shoulder all the way down to the tips of your fingers

Once he is done, he looks down at you, seeing that you are now only sniffling he uses a knuckle to wipe away any remaining tears "now are you ok?"

You nod and wrap your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek "Good. I like seeing you happy"

He then pecks your lips and hands you another controller, so that you can play the previously discarded game together

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endeline · 3 days

Text

We'll Be Alright

Paring: Paige Bueckers x Reader Warnings: Angst with no comfort, closeted Paige, breakups, edited and written at 3 a.m. Words: 1,403 A/n: This is my first fic so feel free to critique the hell out of it! (The woman is making me write, send help.) Summary: "I just can’t be seen with you for a while… I can’t be with you for a while," she whispered, her voice heavy with emotion. I watched as her face crumpled under the weight of her confession. She turned away, avoiding my gaze, and in that moment, I felt my world tilt on its axis.

‘I’ve heard her wrong,’ that’s my first reaction, the only rational explanation. ‘I had to have heard her wrong.’ And I almost want to laugh at the ridiculousness of it, because there’s no way this is happening; it’s not possible. Out of everything I’ve learned in this life, only one thing remains steadfast: Paige won’t leave me, not like this. We've been each other's anchors for too long, willingly entwined each other into every facet of our lives—school, family, friends, work; everything leads back to Paige. My life isn’t mine anymore, it’s ours. You can’t just walk away from that; ‘she won’t walk away from that.’

She holds all of me within her grasp. I've given her everything, laid my heart bare at her feet and begged her to take it. I’m not sure I can even remember how to function without her anymore, and I really don’t want to have to re-learn.

At this, I have to take a breath - ‘she isn’t leaving you’—unclenching my fists, the pain of my nails digging into my palms fades into the background and I try to slow my pounding heart.

‘She isn’t doing this,’ ‘you heard her wrong, just ask her to repeat herself, she isn’t doing this’—I repeat like a mantra. I feel myself begin to open my mouth, but in my panic, I seem to have forgotten what to do next, how to speak, what to say.

I don’t have to though; as I watch her bury her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs, I know I've heard her correctly.

Time slows to a stop as I stare at her, the very fabric of our shared existence unraveling before my eyes. She’s trembling, her form completely hunched over, elbows resting heavily on her knees. I strain to hear the faintest sound of her sobs, unsure if it's her or my own heartbeat drowning out the world around me. Everything goes numb, or at least I think I’m going numb; I might be dying. 'I think I’m dying.’

One week earlier:

KK has perched her phone precariously above her stove, and she’s behind me. Her latest brainchild? A cooking show live, which is apparently just me awkwardly fumbling through a recipe in front of thousands of people, while KK assumes the role of my enthusiastic (if somewhat reckless) sous chef. She’s so busy scaring me half to death with her questionable knife skills and insistence upon dancing around the kitchen, requiring me to guard her away from the open flame and from knocking over everything on her chopping board (again), that we both miss Paige getting home.

I’m reaching to taste, and KK is preemptively handing me the salt as a familiar hand snakes it’s way around my waist. Paige leans over me to take my spoon in her mouth. "Tastes good, babe," she murmurs. I’m frozen under her touch, staring at our reflection on the livestream when KK bursts out in fake laughter. "Damn, all you gotta do to get Paige is know how to cook.” I laugh too, now catching on to KK’s cover story, turning to Paige. "For real, Bueckers, if you wanted some all you had to do was ask. Don’t waste your rizz on me," I joke, removing her hands from my waist. Her brow is furrowed, and a confused look passes over her face briefly until she looks up and sees the livestream, which is now blowing up. She steps away from me quickly and forces out a laugh before she slips out of frame and disappears from view. KK wraps the live up soon after this, and I rush after Paige, but the damage is done.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobs, wrenching me back into this harsh reality. “P?” I manage to choke out as I reach my arms out for her. I’m pretty sure I can feel my heart fall out of my chest as she pulls away, her head shaking in silent anguish.

But she doesn’t leave yet. Instead, she’s kneeling by my bedside, where I’ve seen her praying so many nights before. But she’s not talking to her god now; she’s looking up at me, speaking to me, clutching my hands in hers. “I love you, I’m so sorry,” she repeats, and yet even with her declaration of love, all I can do is shake my head in mute denial. “I can’t do it,” she gasps, desperation tingeing her words. “I can’t tell everyone yet. I’m not ready, and I can’t put you through this. It’s not fair to you.” I flinch away from her now, curling up into the corner of my bed.

“I’m so sorry.”

Even as I cower away, her outstretched hand reaches for me, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. Summoning what little strength remained within me, I unfurl myself from the corner of my bed and reach for her again, ‘maybe for the last time.’ I brushed away the tears that stained her cheeks, my heart aching. “What does me not being seen with you mean?" My voice tinged with a desperation I could scarcely contain. Paige finally looks up at me; her gaze met mine, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I can’t handle the rumors anymore," she cries, her words a plea for understanding. "I'm so sorry" It’s my turn to look away now, unable to bear the weight of her gaze any longer, staring into my lap. And for the first time in my life, I shake my head and lie to Paige Bueckers, gently shushing her I reach for her hand, “everything's going to be okay, we'll be alright.”

#paige bueckers #paige bueckers x reader #uconn wbb #uconn huskies #kk arnold #womens basketball #angst #paige bueckers fic #paige buckets #wcbb #final four

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orangekittyenergy · 13 hours

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Indulgent Desires

(sorry for the repost if you already read/saw this just moving things around)

NSFW Gale Smut Fic

Tags: NSFW, 18+ only, masturbation, hand jobs, Gale fluff and some angst but mostly smut, Gale POV, non described Tav (aside from she/her pronouns but no mention of genitals)

Words: 4000

Info: After the orb is stabilized, Gale realizes he can indulge fully in certain pleasures he had to deny before. (Set after they meet Elminster but before the love scene)

Read below or directly on AO3

---

Gale lay in his tent, sleep altogether eluding him, as it often did as of late. Despite his words of reassurance to Tav, he didn't feel nearly as comfortable with the edict from Mystra as he projected. It was one thing to contemplate ones death for so long, but to be faced with the absolute certainty of it was, well, it was something else entirely. He knew this damned orb would ultimately be his demise, and he wasn't lying when he said he was happy he could use his predicament to save everyone. But.... he couldn't help but feel a sharp sting of regret. Why now? Why did this have to happen now of all times? A month ago he felt quite ready for death; he would've leapt at the chance to earn forgiveness, and additionally going out as a hero in the annals of history- what more could one have asked for?

But for one very specific wrench in this acceptance now. Tav. He'd seen the way her eyes flashed as Elminster spoke. Thankfully she was tactful enough to hold her tongue; but he could tell from her clenched jaw it hadn't been easy. She had been curt in her responses but very insistent that this was not the solution and there would be opportunity still to find another way.

When she approached him after to discuss he could almost see the ghost of grief in her eyes as she struggled to comprehend what this meant through their conversation. Asking every question she could seemingly think of and explore every avenue. But even as her emotions still flared, her last words echoed in his head.

She had stepped close, placing a hand on his arm gently. Her eyes were brimming with what he thought at the time was anger but as he mused on it, he realized it was something else, something she hid inside that he couldn't place.

"You are not going to blow yourself up, Gale. I won't let you." She said, her voice tense, with a steely resolve that almost cracked through his own carefully crafted veneer of acceptance.

That was hours ago. Now he lay back in his tent, scared and alone - again.

Tav. She had always been there for him. From the very start she showed no hesitation in helping with his condition, always provided him with the utmost care and warmth. When she said they would find another way, she was so certain of it that he almost dared to believe her. After all, if she kept up with the spell lessons he had been attempting to give her, she could certainly take on any foe. With a lurch his mind leapt back to the first time they connected in the weave; the image in her mind, as clear as if it had been reality. It felt like ages ago now but he recalled it as distinctly as if it had happened yesterday. A soft tender kiss. Giving way to eager tongues and warm breath and roaming hands.

Gale sucked in a deep breath, sleep well and truly gone from any corner of his mind as deeper thoughts took hold.

Tav. The way she ambled up to him at the party, her face blushed slightly as she tried to dance delicately around her own flirtations. A coy bite of her lip and twinkle in her eye looking at him, as he finally realized her intentions and was forced, with a heavy heart and a pain in his chest, to turn her away.

Would he get another chance again with her? He thought, he could swear at least, that she still gave him lingering glances before heading to bed each night. Or was that the workings of his own greedy imagination? Their route had turned more perilous than ever and they hadn't had the same chance for any of their usual lighthearted conversations as of late. Exhaustion and battle weariness finally taking over as they succumbed to sleep each night. Each of them really, stumbling to their own tents at night, too weary to make much conversation as they prepared to face a new set of horrors the next day. Tav though, Tav always seemed to make time for conversation, checking in with everyone, and he thought – or hoped - specifically him, before heading to bed herself.

His body stirred with a delicious sensation before his mind even realized what was happening. It was such a strange, distant, but familiar feeling. Desire like this. As if something from a half forgotten dream. The tingling started in his gut and before he knew it had settled into his very core and he felt a stirring in his cock.

Once he realized what it was his first instinct, as always, was to push it away; desires like that were previously vastly overshadowed by the pain of the orb. And even when the orb felt sated, he was still always too worried about it's condition and the consequences of indulging in such self pleasure to tempt fate. Even once his feelings for Tav had taken hold in his mind, his situation and their current predicament left no room for any hint of such a pleasure. But his body still stirred. He was half hard before he fully realized; the orb was sated. Truly this time. He felt no pain, no angry rumblings, no lingering worry about accidentally setting anything off. Nothing now holding him back from any such gratification.

Without fully intending too, he let his mind drift back to Tav. A rushing flood of memories of her that he had pushed away all coming back at once. Her exposed thigh as Shadowheart healed a nasty cut on her leg. A chance encounter in the river by the Grove catching a glimpse of her naked back and wet hair. Her bending over to search her pack, her tunic dropping scandalously low. Her eyes, flashing brightly at him at the end of each battle, checking to see that he was safe. The thing that truly aroused him though, was the memory of just earlier that night. Her delicate touch on his arm. Her caring eyes searching his. Her resolve that this wouldn't be the end.

It wasn't anger in her eyes, he realized, it was compassion. Dare he think….love? Her eyes had streaked with internal fire at her deep desires for him, he thought. Or was that his own lust and his now throbbing cock speaking? Safely alone in his tent, did it truly matter?

He reached down, tentatively at first, still not sure how this would go, and unlaced his trousers. He pulled up his tunic a touch as well and eased his hardness out of his pants. He was more grateful now than ever at the brilliant foresight and blessings that they had their own tents to retreat to at the end of the night.

Mind firmly set on Tav, the look of her gazing at him fondly, he ventured his hand down again, wrapping his palm slowly around his own length. The immediate sensation was almost too much to handle, his mind frying as if he'd been shocked at finally being able to indulge in such base urges. In his mind, Tav leaned close, her lips hovering above his before crashing together. His hand firmly on himself he gave a gentle pump up and down, trying to savor the sensation.

It wasn't indulgent; he told himself, sucking in a sharp gasp at the feeling of his warm palm as he continued to slowly stroke his length. If Tav did care for him as much as he dared to dream, he couldn't have his first time in ages with a woman, let alone a woman he felt so strongly for, end so quickly. And it surely would with how pent up he was. This was merely preparation. With just a minor hint of indulgence.

He imagined himself and Tav as they continued to explore each other's mouths, pulling away only briefly to undress. He pieced together how he thought she would look like naked from the brief glances he had gotten, letting his own imagination fill in the gaps. It wasn’t even a clear image, but he knew she was immaculate.

He felt a dribble of his own seed leaking out of the tip and paused a moment there, giving his tip a few soft squeezes and pumps before moving back down, spreading his own precum across his cock as he pumped harder. His base instincts taking over, pumping and feeling and squeezing without thinking; getting reacquainted with the veins and ridges of his own cock. Finally allowing himself to give in fully to this experience.

He pressed his lips together hard, determined not to make a noise aside from the inevitable rustling of fabric. But as his fantasy Tav peeled off the last layers of her clothes and approached him once more, his strokes picked up the pace again and he felt a groan escape his lips. Had he any foresight on how this night would go he would've thought to take preparations, cast silence or darkness or anything to allow him to fully invest himself into this. But as it was, he was too far gone now to cast a thing and far too deep in his fantasy to stop now.

In his mind again he whispered sweet nothings in Tav’s ear as he explored her newly naked body with roaming hands. Imagining all at once that it was her hand wrapped carefully around his aching erection. Her hand furiously pumping up and down. Her hand that twisted slightly now as it pumped, adding another carefully crafted level to his pleasure.

"Tav." He couldn't help but moan out, his mind blurring the line between fantasy and reality at these practically new sensations. How long had it been since he felt such flesh on flesh contact? Even his own. He began to thrust his hips up slightly as well, adding to the pace of his trembling hand, growing delirious with his evolving fantasy. He could picture her face so clearly, lips partly slightly, eyes shining at him, picturing her as he thrust his cock upwards into his fist with reckless abandon. He started to feel a pull in his very core, a feeling he was all too familiar with, albeit not under these circumstances. A hot warmth building in his balls as he continued to stroke himself furiously. His body close to reaching that delightful peak.

"Tav..." he groaned again; his own indulgent desires clogging any leftover sense of caution. He wanted to hold on, wanted to make this fantasy last, but was too close to the edge. He would spill his own seed calling her name and it would be the most welcome relief from all the built up tension he had felt.

Just as he was ready to succumb, he heard an unmistakable shuffle outside his tent. A footstep. The sound of someone moving. He froze, his blood running cold. How could he not notice a noise earlier? His pulse throbbed in his ears as he strained to hear in the new silence, his fantasy lost, his fist still paused halfway down his cock. An aching moment passed and he wondered if he had imagined it.

"Gale?" Her tender voice called through the folds on his tent.

A string of curses he didn't even know he knew flew through his mind as he released his hand and struggled to compose himself enough to answer. He frantically started to tuck himself away, his stubborn erection refusing to waiver even at the thought of being caught.

"Ahem...um..yes, Tav?" He replied, his voice hoarse. The woman he was just furiously masturbating to was standing outside his tent; the gods truly had cursed him, he thought.

"Can I come in?" She said quietly and he realized, through the fog and panic it must still be late; the others asleep. Why was she here now? Did she hear him? Had he been louder than he thought?

"Yes, of course." He cleared his throat again, successfully tucking his still hard cock away and sitting up, hoping to hide the obvious nature of his predicament with his loose tunic. You fool, why didn't you just not answer or send her away? He chastised himself. But even as the words entered his mind he realized he couldn't do that. Not to her. He had sent her away too many times already. He wouldn’t do it again. Not with their time left together so short.

After a moment she ducked into his small tent, the subsequent crack in the fabric allowing the campfire to provide a small amount of illumination inside.

"Sorry," she said, a little louder now that she was securely inside, "I hope I'm not.... bothering you." She finished and Gale wondered again if she had heard him.

"No, no, you could never be a bother to me." He sucked in a quick breath, trying again to regain composure and still his rapidly beating heart. "I wasn't even sleeping. Just laying here with my thoughts." Well, he mused, it wasn't a total lie. Tav seemed to hesitate before speaking again.

"I just, I felt bad...leaving things like I did. I didn't want you to think that I don't respect your choice, or your feelings, because I do." She said quickly and edged closer. In spite of the situation he couldn't help but smile, feeling touched that she was worried about how she might have spoke with him. In the dim light, he scooted to the side, allowing her room should she wish to sit on his bedroll.

She took the invitation and stepped forward, taking a seat next to him on the bedroll. His bed. His bed where moments before he was pleasuring himself to her visage. He quietly shook the thought from his head and again tried to calm his rapidly increasing heart rate. She obviously came here to say something important to him. Fully settled, he turned more to face her, still acutely aware of his blood rushing through his veins and offering silent thanks for the darkness to hide his still very active erection.

“I…” He started and paused, taking a thick swallow. “I’ll have you know, your words were of great comfort to me. I didn’t once think you didn’t heed my choice, difficult as it is, and I truly...do appreciate how much you care.” He managed out. He found himself suddenly cursing the darkness, where seconds before he had thanked it; he wanted to see her face now, see how she was looking at him.

He sensed her movement before even being able to see it, and felt her reach up and cup his cheek. He leaned his face into her hand, nuzzling her palm for a second, wondering if he was still dreaming.

“Gale….I just...I don’t want to lose you.” She whispered and he could feel her breath on his face and realized she was close enough to see even in the low light. He wanted to speak again, reassure her, offer the same words of comfort he soothed himself with before but couldn’t find them now.

Before he could come up with any words at all he saw her face move closer and felt her lips ghost against his. Now he was certain he must be dreaming; lost in a fantasy so stark and deep he hoped he would never wake up. Pushing aside lingering hesitation or worry he had been struck mad, already in the thick of the moment, he closed the gap between them, pressing his lips firmly against hers and for the second time in the night, feeling like he could burst from the contact.

There was no further discussions or hesitation, their mouths both parted eagerly and he couldn’t tell who slipped a tongue in first but just as quick as it started they were kissing deeply and passionately, devouring each other with their mouths. Months of desire and waiting dissolving into their kiss.

Tav slid her hand off his cheek and onto his chest, giving him a gentle push of encouragement to lay down. His heart again beat a heavy and rapid pulsing in his chest as he leaned back, head positively spinning at the new development. He half-expected her to crawl on-top of him as he stretched his legs out, but found her sliding her body down next to his. He turned his head to the side to meet hers, aching at the momentary lapse in contact and desperate to get his lips on hers again; now that he had felt the real thing there was no going back.

She lay on her side next to him as their lips met again and he tried to savor the feeling and not think too hard about all the steps that led him to this specific moment. He felt her push her hips against him, angling her body half onto his and hooking her leg over his thigh. Her hand roved downwards, crossing his thrumming chest and pausing just above his navel.

Gale took a sharp breath in through the kiss, realizing where her hand might be heading, but making no move to stop her. As she edged her hand down she finally broke away from the kiss, allowing him to suck in a few ragged deep breaths he so desperately needed. Tav pressed her wet kisses into his cheek instead and he thought he felt her smiling into his skin with each kiss.

Her hand finally reached its purchase, his unavoidable still aching cock yearning to be freed again after being so painfully denied release. She tentatively gave it a stroke through the fabric he had hastily tucked it back into. Gale felt a powerful shudder roll through his whole body and couldn’t help but let a soft moan escape his lips.

He hadn’t even had the chance to lace back up and Tav made quick work of the loose fabric and tangle of laces and pulled his cock back out of the edge of his pants. She nestled her face into her neck, resting her head half on his shoulder as he turned his head back to face upwards, hoping he didn’t cum at the barest of her touches.

His breath hitched in his chest as she finally wrapped her own warm palm around him, her soft touch holding him gently and feeling his pulse beneath her. As indulgent as his own flesh was, as good as it felt to merely imagine her palm on his cock; it paled in comparison to the actual feeling of her. As she started to ease her fist gently up and down him he bit down hard on his lip and tried to focus his brain on not releasing that same instant, the same lingering feeling still simmering in his core.

Gale was well trained in concentration, whether on the battlefield or in practice, he had plenty of experience exerting a certain level of mental fortitude and holding himself steady. But he quickly realized that holding concentration on a spell and staving off this burning feeling bubbling within him were two entirely different skill sets.

Tav leaned her head in again to give his neck a quick nibble and started pumping her hand up and down him in earnest. He leaned his head back towards her again, wanting to feel her her lips on his again, even if they were trembling, but he wanted her as close as she could be as she finished him. Decorum fully lost under this fantasy become reality, he felt himself thrust his hips upwards with her hand, fucking her fist with a greedy need that surprised himself.

She swiped her hand over his tip, collecting the cum gathering there and gave it a quick flourish of attention with a playful squeeze and he knew he was done for. Their lips grazing, breath mingling, he felt his body again reach its limits. The heat that had been building within shot upwards in divine explosion.

Gale couldn’t help but cry out, letting loose a few strangled chokes as he came in her hand, spilling his seed on her fist and loose pants. He reached his hand over his chest, grabbing at her cheek, holding her close while his body shuddered and the delightful waves of pleasure crashed through him, still letting loose a few final moans as his cock stopped pulsing.

His chest pounded hard, but for the first time in a long time, it was a pleasurable feeling as a level of relaxation he didn’t think was possible anymore took hold of his body. Every inch of him seemed to calm and ease and he felt like he could melt into a puddle in the bedroll beneath them.

Tav released his softening sticky member and lay her hand on his thigh and he suddenly realized the mess he made.

“Oh, let me get -” He started to move, aiming to grab the towel and bowl he had used to wash up with earlier. But Tav held him down with her body, nestling herself further against him and rubbing her nose against his neck with a soft sigh.

“Don’t worry. Lets just lay here a moment.” She said softly into his neck. Gale grinned like a fool at that, his body still pulsing dimly with the rush of his release, at her care, at her words, at her….love. They adjusted themselves so he could wrap his arm around her shoulders, bringing her further into him.

They lay in content silence, relaxation still swimming through Gales body. He could feel Tav’s soft breath on his neck and it felt like a wordless lullaby. To be holding her so close like this, it was a wonder he couldn’t begin to wrap his dizzy head around. Her breathing slowed and for a moment he thought she might have fallen asleep until he felt her mouth open against his neck.

“I have to admit...I actually did come here to just talk.” She said. Gale pulled his head back to try to look at her and she tilted her head up to meet his eyes. He could swear in the dim light he could make out a small smile on her face. For once he found himself at a loss of words and gaped at her a moment; she did hear him, he realized with a lurch. If the evening hadn’t have worked out as it did and if he wasn’t still so high from his lingering orgasm he might have had the good sense to feel embarrassed. But instead he just returned her smile and gave her another kiss before settling his head down, finding himself unable to focus on any one thought at a time, exhaustion and release finally taking over his body.

Tav lay back down and settled in next to him, letting out another content sigh into his neck. As sleep was about to take him a thought did strike out to him amid the brain fog and hit him like a dagger. How could he be so selfish? He could never just take pleasure like that without return. His senses must have fled him entirely. He raised head again, quicker this time and caused her own head to jerk up.

“Tav. I...what about you? I cant just lay here in bliss, while you remain…. what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t-” His rising panic at the thought of not offering her the same level of pleasure was overtaking his ability to form words. A wide visible smile spread across her face as he rambled and she leaned in to kiss him into silence.

“I am perfectly content, laying here with you if you’ll allow me.” She murmured as sleep seemed to tighten its grip on her. He swallowed away his words, for once too tired to form an argument back and gave her another kiss and a nod before they settled back down again.

“Besides…” Tav breathed out heavy on his neck. “We have time. You can make it up to me next time.” She finished barely above a whisper and he felt her body relax against his.

Gale stewed on that a moment, fighting against sleep. He would. He would make it up to her. For this; for everything. His sleepy mind raced, thoughts giving way to dreams as he conjured up ideas of all he would do to, and with her, to show her his feelings and love and, of course, ever the gentleman, repay her for tonight.

#my writing #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale smut #gale fanfic #tav x gale #Gale POV

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uponthefantasy · 2 days

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°○ Missing | Hashira x platonic! Tsuguko! Reader Headcanon| ○°

How the hashiras react to having to fight you as a demon.

Description: It's been weeks since they had last seen you, and they were already worried over their minds. When it is officially declared that you're missing, they look all over for you, only to find you as one of the enemies.

Genre: Angst.

Characters: Giyuu Tomioka and Kyojuro Rengoku.

°○ Giyuu Tomioka ○°

Giyuu already had a bad feeling about you leaving for that mission, and seeing your condition now had proved his suspicions.

You're usually tan body was now as pale as snow, those innocent eyes with round pupils that gave your face just a bit more charm and cuteness were now paled in comparison of the color before, and your rounded pupils were now slits. Fangs had protruding from your gums, giving you the look of a monster. You had become a demon. It hurt him to see you in such a way, knowing that your cheery, sweet soul was dead, replaced with something cold and heartless.

It was his fault anyway.

If he hadn't let you go on the damn mission in the first place, none of this would've happened. Instead, he was now standing in front of a shell of who you truly were, something that was no longer the sweet, cheerful tsuguko that Giyuu had promised to protect, just like he promised for every other person who he still failed to protect in his life. He couldn't protect his sister. He couldn't protect his best friend. And now he failed to protect the last person he was truly able to care and love for, his tsuguko.

He watched as you charged forward, aming for him with nothing but pure, animalistic hunger in your eyes. He had to accept that you were no longer human. No longer the person who had changed his life for the better. Instead of enjoying a peaceful day of your return, he was standing here, getting into a stance and slicing the delicate head off your shoulders, his ocean eyes turning glossy while doing so.

Giyuu stared at your withering body with no emotion. You were gone. For good. He slowly turned around and walked away, his eyes glossy and his heart broken.

"I'm sorry, Y/n.... I couldn't protect you..." He whispered.

°○ Kyojuro Rengoku ○°

For one of the very few times in his life, Rengoku had failed to smile. His usual heart filled with warmth was now full with a mix of shock, guilt, and sorrow. He felt like he couldn't even move when his bright, firey eyes stopped upon your demonic frame. The snow-white skin, sharp claws, and weird markings all over your body told him exactly everything he needed to know.

You were a demon.

Despite the feeling of anguish in his heart, he charged forward, taking a swift slice of his bright red sword towards your pale, delicate neck. Though it hurt him to have to do such a thing to someone so dear to him, he knew it was for the great or good.

He watched as you slowly faded away, his eyes filled with sorrow as you ever so slightly disappeared from the world.

"Goodbye, Y/n. I'll see you again soon." He spoke, his eyes widening once he heard soft words emitting from the remainder of your mouth.

"Goo....dbye....juro..."

Before he could blink, you were gone. Leaving him alone to face the world once again.

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discotitsposts · 2 days

Text

i heard that

reader overhears spencer checking on their baby

dad spencer x mom reader

rated e for everyone

As you lay your lovely baby girl down for her nap after gently rocking her, you hear footsteps behind you. You turn and see Spencer with the sweetest smile on his face.

“She’s so tired.” You whisper very quietly.

Spencer leans over the crib and just stares at her smiling. Tears brimming his eyes at the sight.

“She’s so precious.” He whispers quietly back. You motion for him to follow you to the kitchen and you make yourselves a snack.

“Let’s watch something!” You say picking up the baby monitor and your lunch and bringing it into the living room.

Spencer picks up his own lunch and gets you both something to drink. “Sure,” he calls from the kitchen, “You can pick something.”

You rack your brain for what to pick when you hear a noise. “Spence did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” He walks in and hands you your drink.

You motion him to “shh” and listen carefully.

You can hear your little baby softly babbling in her sleep.

“I’ll go check on her.” Spencer says getting up and going upstairs. You nod and pick a tv show to watch. You listen to the monitor and hear the shuffling of Spencer entering the room over the sound of your daughter, now crying.

“What’s the matter little princess? What do you need? Are you hungry?” You hear him say. “Here maybe this will help.” You hear the sound of him walking and figure he must be taking her to the rocking chair to calm her down. She quiets down immediately.

“Oh now you’re sleepy again. You just missed us, huh? I’m sorry sweetheart. I love you so much.” He continues speaking softly to her. “You have no idea darling. You and your mother are the best things that ever happened to me. Do you know that?” He’s speaking so gently.

His words have you in tears. This was too adorable. You hear him laugh over the monitor. You have to see this. You grab your phone and sneak up the stairs and watch him cradling her.

“You both make me so so happy everyday and remind me of the good in this world.” He’s having a hard time holding back any emotion by now and is crying tears of joy while laughing.

You snap a picture and then get a look at your daughter’s face and almost start laughing. She’s looking up at him in confusion.

(like this 🤨)

He keeps talking while she’s staring up at him like omg dude put me back to bed already, and it’s killing you! You start wheeze laughing because you can’t hold it in anymore. Spencer hears your faint laughing and looks down at your daughter.

“Oh really? I didn’t know you understood what I said. Wow! So expressive. You wanna go back to bed now?” He asks standing up.

She simply responds with “ah,” and smiles.

“Alright, geez, go back to sleep little ms. bossy pants.” He gives her a kiss on her head and then gently lays her back down and covers her with her baby blanket with the lions and giraffes on it.

You step into the room smiling so hard your face hurts.

“You,” He holds her tiny little hand, she grabs his finger. “Have captivated my heart since you were born.” He removes his hand and spins around. “And you, have had my heart since the day we met.” He taps your nose. You smile.

“ah,” She coos one last time before nodding off.

“Doesn’t she look cozy?” Spencer nods. She’s wearing a fuzzy pink strawberry print onesie, courtesy of auntie Penelope. You turn on her moon and stars nightlight and gently shut the door.

You and Spencer are quiet until you get back downstairs.

“When did you sneak in?” He asks.

“When I heard you tell her how much you love us.”

“Oh you heard that?” He asks.

You pick up the baby monitor, “I heard that.”

“Ahh, makes sense.” He lays down on the couch loosening his tie and removing his shoes. He takes a candy from the snack bowl and eats it.

You lay down on the couch with him and click play on The Munsters.

Three episodes in, you’ve fallen asleep too. Yawning at first before your eyes closed fully. Spencer keeps awake and watches you while running his hand through your hair. His soft caresses had practically welcomed the sleepiness into your eyes.

Spencer was the happiest he’d ever been.

the end💞

happy spencer happy spencer

tags 🍓 -

@whoisspence

@lemonadeinfuser

@fictionalobssed

@exoticisles

@in-another-april

@gallifreyan-idiocracy

(if anyone else would like to join tag list you can comment a 🍓)

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desswright29 · 1 day

Text

Intomba: Young Love

A/N: Hey Yaw! I know I been gone but I been busy. But I’m here now and I come baring gifts lol. For some reason this story is really close to my heart. Like I LOVE reader and Shuri! I combined my love for Angst with my love for a pretty love story and I hope you guys love it as much as I’m enjoying writing it.

Word Count: 9.6k

Pairing: Shuri/Reader

Contains: Friends to lovers, underage kissing, Love story, Angst, Struggle, Prison Shuri, manipulation, No smut for now this isn’t a smit heavy fic. There will be but I just wanted to write a story.

“Oh,God! Oh My God! I can’t believe it!” Bound to her wooden floors, her eyes locked onto mine. Stunned I should guess. Was it from my hardened appearance, or did my presence in general offend? I couldn’t have known. As our gazes lingered upon eachothers, I couldn’t help but notice after all these years, her eyes were still filled with a certain purity, guiltlessness, innocence. A simplicity, that I hadn’t been blessed to be in the presence of for a long time. Eight years to be exact. I couldn’t help but feel unworthy of it’s presence. Breaking our stare, I look down at my feet as they shuffle from side to side. Self-consciousness trickling through my veins as I continue to feel her gaze.

“I-I know I didn’t call. I didn’t have a number, only this address. I could find somewhere el-“

My body froze as I suddenly felt her body come in contact with mine. Rushing into me, she throws her arms around my neck. She trembled against me, and my eyes shut tight. The warmth of her embrace sending shock waves to my system. My arms remaining at my sides my mind not quite computing how to engage with the softness of this embrace. As my eyes remain shut I feel her pull away and soon after, fingertips gently caress each my cheeks. Slowly sliding from my cheeks, down my neck, and down my arms. She traced the art that now shadowed my caffeinated skin. “It’s really you.” The words pour softly from her lips, and I open my eyes slowly looking down at her lovingly.

“I’m not so sure about that.” I whisper, my eyes glazing over allowing her to continue surveying me as we stand in her doorway. Those eyes, they lift from my arms back up to my own, brows furrowing as she searches for meaning. I can spot the exact moment she finds it. Grabbing my hand, she lightly tugs at my arm guiding me inside of the small apartment. Once the door closes behind us, her arms wrap around me once again.

I grip onto her, hands shaking as they grip onto her waist. I can feel the dam about to break. But, She still knew me. She could feel it, smell it on me. Her hand gently rubbed my back. “It’s ok. You’re safe now Shuri.” And with no urge to fight,I close my eyes allowing the tears to flow as I breath her in, head buried into her neck. It hits like a wave, my body shaking with sobs as my knees went weak, and we sank to the floor. “I’m sorry Shuri. I’m so sorry this happened to you.” She sits in the center of the floor, my head on her bossom as her hands delicately stroke the top of my head; allowing me to release emotions that hadn’t been safe for me to release for eight years of my life.

And that’s who she was to me. My Amanzi, My water. When life would suck me dry. I ran to her and she replenished me.

I’m sorry. I don’t believe I’ve properly introduced myself. I’m Shuri. Now a days they call me Qamata. But, we’ll get into that later. I should explain what’s happening here. As i’m sure you’ve guessed, I’d just been released from prison, for what had supposed to have been a ten year bid. I got out in eight on good behavior. I was just a kid when I went in. 18. And there I was at 26 able to carry everything I owned in a paper trash bag. I remember feeling low. The equivalent of garbage. Cast away.

However, I wasn’t the delinquent youth that I’m sure you all are picturing. Far from it. I was top of my class. Dual enrollment. I’d graduated highschool at 17 as valedictorian, and having already secured a bachelors degree from the most prestigious university in Wakanda; where I would’ve finished out my education in Network engineering and computer science, had everything gone the way it was supposed to. But, Bast did it not. At a point in time I despised this life that I chose. It had taken the person I loved most in the world away from me. My brother.

At a point in time my father was the most feared man in the place we call The Bricks. His name was T’Chaka, they called him Uthixo. God Father. Pretty self-explanatory. He peddled his poisonous products to our community without remorse. Not a single regret. He was merciless, cold. So much so that he’d killed his own brother in cold blood after finding out that he was consorting with the enemy. Turned out my uncle N’Jobu, had been being held captive. Working for them under the pretense that his families lives would be taken. My father knew this. He still killed him, stating that N’Jobu was a liability. That was my father. His carelessness eventually cost him and my brother their lives. They were killed the same day. Their bodies riddled with bullets. My father and brother dangled from light poles on display like trophies.

T’Challa, my brother, he didn’t deserve it. He hadn’t wanted that life. And neither did I. My mother, myself, and my sister were exiled in a way. Shunned into dilapidated buildings struggling to make ends meet. My mother fell sick, and my sister was useless. She sold her body, and the proceeds went to her poisonous habit. She’d had three children since then that ended up mostly under the care of my mother. So as soon as I was of age I began to work in the mines. It was hard back breaking work for anyone, especially a teenage girl. But, it was my only option. My name. My Fathers name preceded me wherever I went. I worked hard to turn it around. And I began to succeed.

I am a certified Genius. If anybody was going to get us out of The Bricks. It would be me. But, Love. Love makes us silly, Ngaba akunjalo (Does it not)? I took one look at that pretty chocolate skin. Those big Doe eyes, and that big gravity defying hair and fell into a deep bottomless pit of eternal love….In love with you Sthandwa Sami. The girl who saw me hoarding my food from the cafeteria to take to my niece and nephews; even though I myself was by every definition of the word starving. So you started packing me a lunch everyday. Making me eat it infront of you. Stubborn Haha. The only person in the world who could tell me what to do. If only I’d known that that was only the begining of the things you’d be to me.

In all of my life, there were only two constants. Tragedy. And You. I remember the day everything changed. The day I knew I was in love with you.

Your buttery brown skin saturated with the suns rays blessed Shuri’s vision. Sitting across from her, a beauty that had changed the trajectory of her exsistence. Physically, you were a goddess to young Shuri, yes. It was apparent in the way she incessantly stole glances. Bast’s light shining on you making your skin, the shade of nutmeg, gleam like pyrite stone. Eyes like buttered chocolate, swirled with caramel crescent moons. Your juicy lips appearing as though they’re dripping in manuka honey. Big curls sat atop your head like a crown. Unapologetically kinky, defying earths gravity.

However, it was more than tangible for Shuri. Deeper than the eyes would meet. Your beauty was the flower be-speckled in the thin light of dawn. But, it was also the volunteer in a soup kitchen on a holiday missing their own family meal. It was majesty and self-sacrifice, it was all of the wonders of the natural world and our spiritual wholeness. It was the embodiment of the love God had for her people. For who are we to be blessed to walk amongst such an ethereal beauty.

“Shuri? Shuri!?” Shuri was startled out of her thoughts, sitting up straight in her seat. The pretty girl that had her transfixed, now speaking to her. She cleared her throat trying to play it cool.

“Yea? What’s up?” Scratching the back of her head, she looked down at the books infront of her, trying to avoid eye contact. Her heart heart rate was excelerated, and her face heated, she’d been caught.

“You’re not paying attention.” Finally, her eyes raise. Looking into deep brown orbs she could so easily get lost in. So beautiful.

“Yo. I was listening.” She spoke up defensively slouching back against her chair. Mirroring her actions from across the table, you cross your arms across your chest, squinting your eyes at your friend, cocking your head to the side.

“What did I just say, Shuri?” Shuri’s lower lip disappears between her teeth as she tries to swallow a smile. Her eyebrows raise, and her eyes shift from side to side. Your eyes narrow as the smile broke across her face, her eyes turning apologetic.

“I’m sorry.” She chuckles. Rolling your eyes, you suck your teeth quickly picking up and throwing it across the table at her. She catches it effortlessly. “A pencil?” Her eyes widen in faux shock. “You’re really trying to hurt me.” She says hand coming up to clutch her chest dramatically before a smirk curled her pretty lips.

“Yea, because you’re supposed to be helping me, but you keep zoning out!” Your face scrunches up in frustration. Though you couldn’t help but to admire how cute and dramatic Shuri was. With her perfectly chisled face, pretty lips, and perfect smile. Your tummy tingled a bit as the two of you seemed to get lost in eachothers gaze.

“Shhh!” Shuri’s attention was immediately grabbed by the sound. Her gaze snapping to a young man staring at you two his annoyance apparent, and so was Shuri’s. He’d interrupted a moment of rarity between the two of you everyone knew that Shuri’s annoyance wan much more dangerous than the average persons. The smile was still plastered on her face, her bottom lip now resting between her teeth. You see her glance your way out of the corners of her eyes and you shake your head.

“Shuri..” She turns to you fully throwing her hands up in defense.

“I’m not going to bother him Y/n. He’s absolutely correct. We should act like we have home training? We’re in a library. We should conduct ourselves properly. Yea?” Knowing better, your brow raises a frown distorting your face.

Shuri leans back in her seat a genuine smile plastered on her face, before her gaze returns to the boy.

“He’s safe Amanzi. However, for future references. It’d behoove you to watch your tone when you speak to her.” Suddenly her tone turned serious, eyes steadfast on him, the smirk on her face leisurely becoming a grimace. The boy shifts in his seat clearly uncomfortably. Shuri turned in her chair hunching over placing her elbows to her knees only deepening the stare staring a hole into the side of his face. Quickly closing his books, shoving them into his back pack, he scurries off to find a safer table.

“Ah maaaann! Are you leaving? Don’t goo!” She called after him sarcastically.

“He didn’t even say anything. Why’d you do that?” You chastise her.

“Yea he did. Remember? He said Shh. And it’s not what he said it was the maliciousness

in his tone.” A malicious grin spread across her face.

“Malicious- Girl.” You roll your eyes as laughter erupts from her throat. “We’re sorry!” You call after the boy.”

“Speak for yourself, thando” She replies.

You look at her like she’s crazy as she shrugs her non chalance.

“Anyway Shuri. If you’ve had enough of being a bully, could you please help me with this fucking calculus I only made it into this class because of you.”

Shuri’s outdated Kimoyo beads buzz against her wrist and another apologetic look crossed her face. You release an exasperated sigh, slouching down into your chair.

“Put your lip up. It’ll only take a second.”

“Khawulezisa!! (Hurry up)” You say. Shuri’s eyes roll to the back of her head as she see’s the holorgraphic name that appears. With great hesitance she answers the call.

“Challan, I’m at the library.” She answers, irritation seeping from her pores.

“Your Umama, is in the hospital. My kids were unattended for 3 hours.” Shuri’s heart drops into her stomach, immediately sitting up straight in her seat. Concern instantly crosses your face your back also straightening.

“What are you talking about?” Shuri could feel her heart racing in all of her pulse points while she waited for her sister to give her more details.

“Some complication with the cancer. I don’t fucking know. She’s good, but the kids haven’t eaten all day!” Shuri could feel her body began to heat up with rage.

“ChaCha! Feed them! They’re your kids! I don’t have time for this shit! What hospital did they take mother too?” A long suck of the teeth comes from the other end of the call and Shuri’s jaw clenches.

“What’s going on?” You mouth from across the table, and Shuri holds up a finger.

“If I had something to feed them with you think I’d be talking to you about it!” Shuri’s shut tightly as she counts backwards from 10 to try and calm herself.

“I don’t have any money Cha. Tell me where they took my mother.” She reiterated, rubbing a hand down her face, slouching against her chair once again. Your eyes never leave her watching her every movement.

“You’re lying. You always have money.”

“I have a job Cha…You should try one. I’m only 16. Im not a fucking millionaire. I’m making enough for bills, and food for me and mother. We’re barely scraping by with that. For some inexplicable reason, I’m still waiting for you to let me know where they took my mother Cha, I’m loosing patience.”

“She’s at General…You don’t care about your nephews and niece eating?”

“Just stay at the hospital. I’ll get them something when I get there.” Shuri hangs up in her face. Standing to her feet, and you begin stuffing your belongings into your book bag hurriedly. Shuri’s eyebrows furrow as she watches you.

“What are you doing?” You look up at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Coming with you to the hospital. Duh.”

“No. You need to stay here and finish studying. You’re exam is tomorrow.” Your head jerks back a look of offense taking over your face.

“Shuri get your shit together so we can go. Don’t play with me.” You finish putting away your things, throwing your bag over your shoulder.

“Stubborn.” Shuri huffed a small laugh, while doing as you said. You grab ahold of Shuri’s hand pulling her to the exit of the Library. The two of you running out, and hopping onto Shuri’s motorbike. You place on the extra helmet she always kept for you, and hold tightly to her waist before she takes off.

“Umama?” She speaks softly stepping quietly into the hospital room, hand in hand with you, not wanting to interrupt her if she was resting.

“Come on in baby. Im awake.” Ramonda announces her eyes lighting up at the sight of You and Shuri.

There was once a time in her life when her mother stood so tall, so strong. Graceful and elegant. Now she lie weak and frail. It rocked Shuri to her core everytime her eyes rested on her mother for too long.

“Umakazi! Umakazi!” The pitter patter of little feet followed the sound of little voices as they came crashing into their aunt, hugging onto her legs as she lowered herself wrapping them all into her embrace. You smile as you walk over to her mothers bed placing a gentle kiss to her cheek.

“Y/n, it’s good to see you.” She says lightly squeezing your hand.

“It’s good to see you too. I wish it was under better circumstances ofcourse. How are you?” A light smile lifting the corner of your lips.

“Blessed, intombi entle.” The smile on your lips widen. She never let her spirits fall no matter the circumstance and that was admirable to you for all that she had been through.

“Bast you all get bigger everytime I see you! Look at you.” A warm smile lingers on your lips as you watch Shuri tickle and interrogate her neice and nephews about their day.

“She loves those babies.” Ramonda chuckles as she watches along with you. You nod

“More than anyone, could truly understand.”

“Hey to you too sister.” Cha says sitting in the corner of the hospital room. Shuri looks up from the children only for a brief second. Still very off out from her and her sisters earlier conversation, but she chooses not to argue as of now. Instead she places a kiss to each child’s head and stands to her feet.

“Hey Cha.” She says before heading over to her mother. Removing your hand from Ramonda’s grasp you step back allowing Shuri access to her mother.

Leaning over her mother, she places a gentle kiss to her foerhead, smoothing her hand over hair, “How are you feeling, mama?” Ramonda looks up at her daughter a weak smile passing over her lips.

“I’m just fine little girl.” Shuri smirks. That was always her answer.

“Yea. Well I’ll let your doctor tell me how true that is.”

“Don’t you go getting all worked up over me now. How are you?” She asked lifting her hand to Shuri’s cheek.

“Worried mama.” Shuri whispers, eyes revealing the truth behind that statement.

“I am ok. My dear, and there’s no need at all to be worried. You have all the strength you need to survive, and not to mention an abundance of knowledge. You are an Udaku. As much you want to renounce that name It holds alot of power. Every once in awhile you’ll need to tap into it.” Shuri didn’t like this conversation. She didn’t like it one bit. Her eyes searched her mothers face a since of dread washing over her.

“Mama? What’s happening what’s going on?”

“I need to head out it’s getting late. Shuri you got cash so the kids can eat?” Cha stands from her seat appearing eager to leave. Shuri stands to her full height, over Cha’s attitude.

“You don’t see me talking to my mama?” Shuri’s face scrunches, and Cha folds her arms across her chest rolling her neck.

“Well like I informed you earlier. My children haven’t eaten all day. So I need to go and get them fed.”

“And since you’re depending on ME to feed them it would be smart of you to wait until I finish talking to mother.” Shuri rebuts

“I don’t have time to wait for you.” Shuri chuckles.

“Oh I’m sorry, is the crack calling?”

“Shuri!” Both you and Ramonda interject reminding her of the presence of Cha’s children.

The doctor enters the room, as Shuri and Cha grill each other from across the room.

“You must be Shuri.” A polite smile graced his face as he approached Shuri his hand outstretched.

“Yes.” She says softly before taking his hand to shake.

“Nice meeting you young lady. I am Doctor W’Kabi. There are a few things that I need to go over with you and your family. Is everyone in the room authorized to hear?” You stand to your feet.

“I’ll head out. Shuri how about you give me the money for the food and I take them downstairs to eat so you all can talk.” Shuri’s eyes soften at the sound of your voice. She nods reaching into her pocket to get her wallet.

“Uh! Excuse you? I don’t know her Shuri! She’s not taking my kids anywhere!” Her eyes land on you looking you over with a condescending stare.

“And I’m not giving YOU money. So it seems we’re at an empass here sister.” The tension growing thicker between the two siblings. Shuri’s eyes squinted, her legs slightly parting as she locked her fingers together at her hips. Cha’s nostrils flared as she looked back and forth between you two.

“Girl fuck you.” You immediately step forward..

“Uh uh, that’s enough. You may not know me but I know that Shuri is constantly sacrificing to help you feed your own children and your not about to keep disrespecting her in front of me.” Cha smirks stepping forward.

“Little girl, What do you think you’re gonna do?” Yoo step forward as well never being one to back down but Shuri immediately grabs your arm.

“Chill.” She says pulling you behind her. “Cha, this is not a problem you want. Now Y/n is going to take the kids to get food Sonwe can talk to the doctor.” Turning around to face you, Shuri sees that your eyes were still set on her sister. She touched your cheek bringing you back to her.

“Hey, calm down. Just handle this for me so I can find out what going on with my mother.” Your eyes finally land back on Shuri’s face as you calm down. You nod.

“I am. I got it. She’s just disrespectful as hell.” You say mumbling pulling yourself away from Shuri’s grasp and gathering the children. Shuri can’t help but smile a bit as she watches you leave the room. Knowing you would have much more to say. When all of the commotion was finally over Shuri brought her attention back to the doctor.

“I apologize for the disruption Doctor. You may continue.” Shuri looks over at her mother who had been abnormally quiet throughout the hostile exchange. She seemed dazed, just trying to keep herself awake. She turned back to the doctor needing to know what was going on.

“Yes.. Well.” Dr. W’Kabi says moving right along. “Earlier before your arrival we were discussing the current state of the cancer. Unfortunately, it has spread, and it’s becoming very aggressive, taking a major toll on her body. I’m sorry to say it’s only going to get worse from here.” It felt like a punch to the gut, and tears streamed from Shuri’s eyes.

“S-so what do we do? What do we have to do?” Shuri’s eyes glanced over the room. Challan remained steadfast in her spot almost looking as though this was all inconveniencing her.

“We’ve discussed it being best that your mother goes into a hospice facility.” Shuri froze. Her world begining to feel as though it was crashing around her.

“N-no, no, no. W-We can’t afford a facility.” Shuri says through her tears.

“There are low income options that are covered by the state th-“

“I know what you’re talking about, and I’m not letting my mother go there. They don’t give a fuck about those people!”

“Shuri..” Ramonda’s voice came out in a whisper behind her. Shuri turns to her mother.

“No mama. You’re not going there!”

“I-I’m sorry, young lady. Your mother has already allowed your sister to fill out the paper work.” Shuri’s head whipped around again. Confusion taking over her as she stared at the doctor in disbelief. She scanned the room once again her eyes like daggers landing on Cha.

“You did what mama?” She whispered, addressing her mother as she grimaced at her sister. “Cha doesn’t give a fuck about you! You let her sign you into a death trap?!” Her voice now raised, trembling with all of her bubbling emotions.

“You know what. I’m sick of your shit Shuri! I’m the oldest, and I can damn well help take care of mama!”

“Bitch! Your brain is fucking fried you can’t even take care of your damn kids!”

“STOP IT!” Ramonda’s voice carries throughout the room, strong this time making them both freeze as they had a stand off in the middle of the room.

“Doctor could you please give us a moment.” Dr. W’Kabi slightly bows his head as he steps out giving them space to talk.

“As long as the two of you are breathing. I don’t want to hear you disrespect eachother the way you have today. You’re treating one another like strangers and like it or not. The two of you are all you’ve got in this world. So you may not like eachother. But, you better figure out how to love. Do you understand me?” Both of the sisters held their poster. Looking the other over as though they were forever enemies.

“I said do you understand me!” Her vice raises again and the two of them finally answer their mumbled agreement.

“Challan step out.” Ramonda commands as Shuri’s nostrils flare, her breathing excelerated as she mugged her sister as she stormed from the room.

“Alright that’s enough Shuri.” Shuri snaps back around to her mother.

“Mama this is crazy!”

“What’s done is done. It’s my decision and I did what I had to do for you.”

“For me? This isn’t for me mama I need you. What am I supposed to do without y-“

“You’re gonna make it. Is what you’re going to do little girl.” Shuri shut her mouth. As the tears flow.

“I ca-can’t mama. I can’t.” Ramonda’s own tears began to flow.

“It’s time Shuri, and I need you to figure things out.”

“I don’t have anybody else. They’re gonna put me in the system.”

“No. Cha’s of age so I’ve allowed her to be placed as your legal guardian.” Shuri’s eye almost take over her face at this information.

“WHAT! Cha’s supposed to be my guardian and she’s hanging on to her kids by a thread!”

“Let me talk girl damnit….I wish that me and your father did better by all of you. I live in constant regret of the way the lifestyle we chose tore apart our family. What it did to my dear T’Challa.” Ramonda chokes up at the mention of Shuri’s brother who was killed along with her father fighting a senseless gang war. A tear fell from Shuri’s eyes. She missed her brother everyday. “ All of those late nights. The money. The power. And now I have nothing to give. Grief has made me sick in my body. I’ve held on this long for the two of you. Allowing Cha guardianship over you gives you time. And hopefully it will pull you closer again. You’ve been blessed with amazing gifts Shuri. Don’t let struggle over take you. Continue excelling in your studies and you’ll get all of you out of Brick District.”

“Ma- I”

“Shuri.. I’m not asking you. I need you to do this. I understand this is a lot to put on the shoulders of a teenaged girl and I hate that this is the only option. You need to focus. I need to know you hear what I’m saying.Take the curse from our families name.” Shuri looked at her mother her eyes clenching shut. This was it. She was her only way out.

“Yes Umama.” She whispers. Ramonda lifts her hand again raising it to Shuri’s cheek. “I love you child. And I’m so sorry for the life your father and I chose. But, you’ll be better. You’ll be great. Promise me that.” Shuri’s eyes fluttered as she held back tears.

“Yes Mother. I promise.” Shuri says softly.

Shuri leaned down. Placing a gentle kiss on her mothers cheek.

“Come see me as much as you can. I love you. But you’re not going to sit and sulk in this hospital with me any longer. They’ll be taking me shortly.” Shuri broke, she lay next to her mother a moment allowing her tears to fall as Ramonda comforted her. Rubbing her head as she snuggled into the crook of her neck.

“You’re going to be great girl. You’re going to change lives.“ Shuri lay there for a few more minutes before standing to her feet wiping away her tears.

“I love you mama.” Ramonda smiles.

“Go child. I’ll see you soon.” Shuri nods, slowly turning to walk out of her mothers room.

“Oh Shuri?” She calls and Shuri turns once more. “Tell Y/n how you feel.” Shuri’s heart drops into her stomach. Her sexuality had never been a topic of conversation between her mother and her. But, she knew. Of course she knew. This causes a light smile to lift the corners of Shuri’s lips, before she exited her mothers room.

Your head quickly lifts, as the door opens. You stand from the bench that you’d been sitting in, approaching Shuri, concern etched into your face. Shuri takes in her surrounding.

“Where’s Cha and the kids?” The tone of her voice almost broke you. Though her head was held high as she walked out of the room. Her voice gave way to her pain.

“Cha came and snatched them up. So I just came back to wait for you.” You say softly. Shuri nods, as you step forward.

“You ok?” Shuri just shakes her head, stepping forward into your arms. Her’s snaking around your waist, laying her forehead onto your shoulder, allowing her tears to flow. Silently, you wrap your arms around her shoulders lending your wordless comfort.

“Cha signed mother into the counties hospice facility.” She whispered against your neck. Her tears soaking through your shirt.

“What?” It comes out like breath, You were taken aback. Hospice? “Oh Bast. Shuri.” Your eyes welled as you rubbed gentle circles into her back. Her news struck a bit of fear within you. What now? What would happen to her? So many questions went through your mind but now wasn’t the time. You chose to continue lightly stroking her back as she wept into your shoulder.

“I can feel you worrying through your fingertips Amanzi.” Shuri says, pulling herself up. Almost as though it was reflex you reached up placing your hand to her cheek flicking away her tears with your thumb.

“I’m sorry. I-I’m just. What’s going to happen to you?” Shuri sighs her hand coming up to grip the wrist of your hand that cupped her cheek.

“Cha is now my legal guardian.” Your mouth drops.

“Cha? Cha? As in your sister that can’t take care of her own kids? How does that work? Are you going to move with her? What if- “

“Y/n.” She cuts you off with a finger beneath your chin. Her thumb gently pressing against your lips, before it slides down your soft lips. Your body immediately froze. The touch felt so much more intimate than she’d ever touched you before. Your eyes locked on to hers as she spoke to you.

“I work. I’ll figure this out.” You let out a slightly shaky breath trying to cover up how much her touch had effected you.

“Shuri you’re only sixteen. There’s only so much you can handle.” Shuri’s thumb now traced your lower lip and it seemed as though her eyes were focused there before her gaze finally met yours.

“I don’t have a choice.” She whispered.

Your eyes welled. No matter how unfair. She was right. This was her reality. No amount of feeling sorry, or worrying about her was going to change that fact. So you swallow your tears. Looking up at her still wrapped in her embrace.

“And you’ll never go through it alone.” That was a solemn promise that you would forever keep. Shuri’s heart heard it. She nodded slowly. Eyes never leaving yours. It was a silent agreement that you would remain beside her through the thick of it. Little did either of you know there was a pull inside of both of you. To seal your agreement with a kiss. However neither of you wanted to loose the other. And not knowing the others intent caused you both to step out of the intimate embrace. Clearing your throats awkwardly.

“Uh, I should get you home.” You nod in agreement.

“Yea.”

The sun was begining to set as the two of you rode through the city. The two of you taking a short detour to Shuri’s so that she could give you notes for your exam tomorrow. The ride was quiet and peaceful. You held Shuri tight allowing her to process her thoughts. Once at her apartment building the two of you head up stairs. The trip was meant to be in and out, but Shuri would never allow you to be outside alone in her neighborhood. Though yours wasn’t the safest either, she’d never allow you to be hurt on her watch.

Unlocking the door to the apartment, You both step inside, and Shuri hits the the light switch….and nothing happens. Shuri flicks the switch back and forth a few times silently before her shoulders slumps. Her head drops and her eyes shut tightly. Before….

“Fuuuuck!” She hauls off punching the wall above the light switch several times. Her final straw for the day being reached.

“I’m tired! I’m of this struggle shit!” You could see the emotional exhaustion take over her. Her body finally collapsing to the floor and down you went with her. Cradling her head against your bossom.

“I know”, was all you could give. Because after the today there wasn’t much comfort in words. Shuri had been through enough to break most adults.

“You’re not alone Shuri. You’re not by yourself.” You whisper as you hold her rocking her in your arms. The two of you held that position. You hummed to her. Rubbing her head until you felt her breathing slow, her grip loosening around you.

“I should get you home.” You hear her muffled words.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You immediately rebut. Shuri pulls herself away from you, shaking her head.

“No. You need to get home. This is not your problem. I don’t have power or any food. I gave Cha my last few dollars for the kids. I’m tapped out. I’m going to take you home. Tomorrow I’ll see if I can get an advance at work or something. It’s only one night. I’ll figure it out.”

“You haven’t figured it out yet?” You ask.

“I’m not leaving you here alone, and hungry in the dark.”

“And just how do you plan to pull that off. Your mother hates me and my family. You think she’s about to let you have a sleep over at my place.” Shuri chuckles sarcastically. “Anyway, I can’t keep letting you do this. These are my struggles y/n. Maintaining a friendship doesn’t require you taking on my burdens. I would never ask that of you.”

“You haven’t. I’m offering my back to help carry some of the weight Shuri. You can’t do this alone. You were hit with a lot today, and I couldn’t sleep at night knowing your here pretending you don’t have anyone else. I love you, and right now you don’t need to be alone. More than ever you need someone in your corner, and it’s important to me that I’m that person, So let me be.” Shuri’s heart skips a beat as she looks into your eyes, her lip trembling. After the city had shunned her and her family, you’d stepped up. Refusing to lump her into her fathers sins. You and your friendship meant the world to her.

You stood to your feet reaching for her hand pulling her to her feet.

“I’m going to call Nevaeh and tell her I’m going to tell mom I’m staying with her. I’ll get a few dollars from her and some food. We’re going to get some candles and batteried for flashlights and we’re gonna thug this out together. And you don’t have a choice.”

Another tear rolled down Shuri’s cheek as she silently nodded letting out a small exhale. You reach up wiping away the tear quickly before taking your hand in hers.

“Let’s go.”

As of now there were so many words that Shuri wanted to say. So much gratitude she had that she wanted to spill over into you. She battled inside with it, and finally decided to settle on a simple. “Thank you.”

Shuri gets you home. Parking a block away so that noone notified your mother about who you’d been with. Their weren’t many parents who would be fond of their children befriending Uthixo’s daughter. So she steered clear of your mother. Not wanting to cause a riff in your home. So, you ran up to your apartment quickly to grab the things you’d need for the night, as Shuri sat waiting on her bike, under the disguise of the nights darkness.

Thunderous bass reached her ears before the brand new black escalade approaching her came into view. A long sigh escaped her lips. She rolled her eyes, taking off her helmet, swinging a leg over the front of her bike. She sat to the side elbows to knees…waiting.The truck slowly rolled to a stop in front of her. The window rolling down to a smile filled with gold.

“What up lil cuz! I ain’t seen you around these parts in a minute. I thought y’all let them run y’all outta town.” He chuckles. Shuri’s face scrunches up in annoyance.

“N’jadaka.” Her voice was nonchalant. Demeanor calm, as she waited for her older cousin to state his business.

“I can’t check up on family? We are still family. I know Unc didn’t give a fuck about that. But, I do. Y’all been straight? I’ve seen Cha around and she not lookin’ too good.” His eyes appeared concerned but the small smirk on his lips showed his true face. Shuri chuckled unamused.

“Funny…You think we don’t know you’re feeding her the shit that’s got her fucked up?” He finally allowed his smile to break free.

“Ah man baby cuz…See that’s business. She was getting ahold to that shit before I came along. We both know that.” He took a break to take a long drag of a blunt sitting between two fingers. “You a genius and shit right. You know whether I was giving it to her or not she was gon’ find it. Might as well be family.”

In a way he was right. Cha had always been the type to end up in things she wasn’t supposed to. But, that was still no reason to allow her to indulge. Shuri decided to ignore his comments. Choosing silence, hoping that it would speed up this exchange. She wasn’t in the mood.

“Look lil cuz. I know you don’t trust me because of what your pops did to mine and all. Y’all think I’m out to get you and shit. It’s a valid fear.” Shuri chuckled once again now sliding off of her bike choosing to lean against. Shuri held no fear in her heart for N’Jadaka. “But, I want you to know there’s no hostility between you and me. You ain’t have shit to do with that. As a matter of fact with my status out here and your smarts. We could team up. Run the biggest most undetictable operation Brick District ever seen.” Shuri shakes her head a smirk on her face, leaning against her bike.

“You do realize I’m 16 right?”

“Yea. But you mature and shit, and you got heart lil nigga. You ain’t scared of shit. That’s the brilliance of it man. Nobody would suspect you. The genius girl trying to stay under the radar. Trying to denounce her fathers name. No one would ever believe you would get back into this shit.”

“Because wouldn’t.” Shuri says matter of factly, crossing her arms over her chest and crossing her legs at the ankle. Killmonger scanned her. Taking note of her calm demeanor. Not an ounce of fear detected. He smirked. He admired that about Shuri. Young and fearless.

“Wouldn’t you though? I know y’all over there struggling. Your sister has a lot to say when she’s off a bean. You 16 working the fucking mines to keep food on the table. That ain’t no life for a child man.”

“But dealing is?” Shuri’s eyebrow raised as her voice went up an octave. “If you give so much of a fuck why not help us? You’ve got it right?”

“Nah, I don’t give shit for free. Family or not. You earn your keep. Your traitor ass daddy taught me that.”

“Well, I am not my father.” N’jadaka took the moment to lean out of the window. Taking a slow drag, blowing smoke into Shuri’s face.

“Wrong lil cuz. You’re the most like your father. You can’t outrun that shit.” Staring into N’jadaka’s eyes, Shuri bit into her cheeks jaws clenching. Tension building in the loud silence.”

From the corner of her eye Shuri sees you rushing over your bag thrown over your shoulder. N’Jadaka’s eyes follow Shuri’s, a smile spreads across his face.

“That’s you?” Shuri’s eyes cut over to him. Her face warming up slightly.

“What?” Taking notice he teases a bit more.

“That pretty little lady walking over this way. That your girl?” Suddenly the calm demeanor that Shuri wore earlier was becoming a bit less cool.

“What are you talking about?”

N’jadaka throws his head back laughing. He found it. A weakness. “Don’t play coy with me. I know you don’t think you give off you like boys vibes.” Shuri’s face flushed.

“Kiss my ass.”

“She’s a lil cutie.” He chuckles as you approach.

“Hey.” You say to Shuri and Shuri only, as you walk up looking between the two.

“Hey.” Shuri says grabbing her helmet.

“Heeeeey.” Killmonger says a smile taking over his face. You stare at him face upturned in disapproval. He lets out a hardy laugh at this.

“Yea she’s the one for you lil cuz. Looks like you and your lil lady friend got somewhere to be. So I’ll let you go.” He smiles looking you over and then turns his attention back to Shuri. “Remember what we talked about. You know where to find me.” You and Shuri watch as he slowly drives away.

“You ok?” You ask turning towards Shuri.

“Yea. I’m cool. Just N’jadaka being himself.”

“Well whatever that was stay away from it. I know Killmonger doesn’t want anything good from you.” Turning to look at you. Shuri bites her lip nodding her head.

“Yea.” She whispers to herself. “Let’s go.”

The two of you now sat on the bed in Shuri’s room lit by candle light. Studying using a small lantern for light. You’d brung a small wireless speaker that kept a great charge. Soft music played as you two studied and ate the food and snacks you’d snuck from home. Shuri had to admit she was grateful that you’d stayed. With you with her, her struggle didn’t feel so much like struggle. You’d made the night pleasant. The two of you talking and laughing as though this was just a normal sleep over.

“Ok. I think I got it now. I feel confident that I can ace this test now.” Shuri’s eyes lit up as she smiled at you.

“You were always gonna ace the test. You know this stuff.” You smile back at her looking into her eyes.

“Yea.” You say softly. The two of you sat in silence for a moment as music played softly in the background. Shuri layed back in her bed. Closing her eyes her hands resting behind her head. She seemed content in the moment as you looked her over. You recognized that when you looked at Shuri. When you were around Shuri, something felt different. Shuri in the few years you’d know her had grown to be your best friend. However, something about the friendship the two of you had seemed like more. It was weighing heavily on your mind as you continue stealing slight glances at Shuri, and you couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Shuri?” You say breaking the silence.

“Hm?” She reply’s her eyes still closed.

“Do um wh-why…We never talk about crushes and stuff.” You say mentally face palming. Real smooth Y/n. Your heart was pounding and your palms started to sweat a bit. Shuri’s eyes slowly opened as she turned to face you hearing your nerves through the question. She sat up clearing her throat a bit her nerves picking up a bit as well.

“W-what do you mean?”

“I’m just saying that we’ve been friends for awhile, and we’ve never talk about people we like or anything. Is that weird?” Shuri is silent for a moment. Her mind reeling a bit. Where did this come from?

“Uh..I mean yea. I-I guess. Is that something you want to talk about with me?” Shuri’s heart was dropping into her stomach. The last thing she wanted was to have to talk to the girl she loved about some boy she was crushing on. But, she had to have seen this coming right. This was the cherry on top of a shitty day.

“I don’t know.” You whisper. “But we’re bestfriends, we should want to right?”

“I guess…So do you? Do you like someone?” Shuri didn’t want to know this in the slightest.

“I-I think I do. I’m not sure.” Shuri felt her heart shatter. She nods and for some reason she as much as this conversation was breaking her she’d decided to continue.

“W-who is he?” You shake your head.

“It’s a she.” Shuri’s back straightened her interest fully peaked now. A girl. You liked another girl? Shuri’s heart was now pounding.

“You like girls?”

“I never really thought about it before. But, I do know I like her and it feels like it’s in more than a friendly way.”

“Oh.” Shuri felt like she could cry. You liked girls and you still didn’t see her that way.

“What about you? Is their anyone who’s caught your eye?” Shuri sighs

“It wouldn’t really matter. It’s not like anyone would be interested in dating me around these parts. Maybe I’ll be more experienced when I go to college.” She says softly. You move a bit closer to her grabbing her hand.

“That’s what you really think? That noone is interested?” Shuri nods, she could feel herself falling into a pit. Feeling a bit more alone again. Knowing you were interested in women and yet she still had no chance.

“There’s no one that you’ve been interested in though.” You press a bit. Shuri brings her gaze up studying your face.

“Yea.” Her voice was soft, almost hesitant. “She’s perfect too. More beautiful than I could ever describe. But, like I said she isn’t interested.” A lump forms in your throat.

“A girl? Y-you like girls too?” Shuri smirks slightly. “I’m not sure. But, I know I like her.” She says and the butterflies take over your belly as your gazes lock onto eachother. You don’t know what comes over you but, you can no longer hold your tongue.

“I see the way you look at me Shuri.” She freezes. Heat over taking her body.

“H-huh?”

“The long glances when you think I’m not looking. I see them.” Shuri’s hand begins to shake nervously. She’s left speechless. She has no idea what to say. So you continue. “I-If I’m the girl you’re talking about…I’d say I’m definietly interested. Because you’re who I’m talking about.” You swallow your nerves. Figuring it was now or never. Shuri’s jaw dropped, She felt as if a sudden jolt of electricity had coursed through her veins leaving her momentarily stunned.

She couldn’t lie and say she that wasn’t something she did. She could hardly consentrate around you. Ofcourse at one point or another you would’ve seen her. Now here you were under the glow of candlelight. Your pretty skin lit to perfection. Using those beautiful lips to tell her you felt the same and she couldn’t utter a word.

“I only saw because when you weren’t looking I was stealing glances too. I guess you were too busy thinking no one wanted you to notice.” Shuri finally finds her voice though it comes out soft and breathy. The way her heart was pounding making it difficult for her to breath.

“I-I wanted to s-say something. I just didn’t want to lose you. Y-you’re just so much more than a crush to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You entered my life at the lowest point. My family lost its protector and we were being shunned. Life as I’d known it was over. I thought I’d never know what it was like to love and be loved again. And then this pretty girl with big eyes, and big hair, that always smelled like a bakery came out of nowhere. Dried my tears, fed me, cared for me. The love you have for me gets me through. You rescued me Sthandwa sami. I couldn’t risk loosing you. I don’t even like thinking about a life without you.”

Oh, to be loved. That was the day you felt it. The day you found out what it was to truly feel and be loved. Tears fell from your eyes. Now you were the one left speechless. Shuri reached up cupping your cheek in her hand wiping away your tears with her thumb.

“Y/n?..” Her voice gentle.

“Yes.” You breathe.

“Can I kiss you?” Your heart fluttered as you nod lightly. It was like a gravitational pull, the way your lips slowly found eachothers. A sweet innocent peck placed on one another’s lips. And then another, and then another, until your lips would not unglue. Shuri leaned back into the headboard and you slowly climb onto her lap as her arms snacked around your waist.

And there the two of you found home.

Needing to breathe the two of you part looking into eachothers eyes cheeks warming as you break out into a giggle.

“Wow.” You say. Shuri smiles, her thumbs rubbed gentle circles into your sides as she looked up at you.

“So…Um Would you like to be my girlfriend?” Shuri asked softly still a bit unsure. Still hardly believing this was happening. The smile on your face could’ve lit the night.

“Of course I do.” Shuri bit her lip to contain her excitement. Leaning up to place another gentle kiss to your lips.

“You have to promise me something.”

“Anything.” She says without an ounce of hesitation in her voice.

“I know you’ve been through a lot, I know life is doing a number on you even now. It’s made you have to mature much faster than the rest of us I know. There may not be much that I can do to make things easier for you. But, I can be here. I know one day we’re going to get out of the bricks. We’ll be happy living out our dreams. You’re so gifted I know you’ll have to leave at some point to bring evolution to the world. Even then, if we loose eachother along the way and the world you find brings you hard times, I’ll always be here.” You place your finger onto her chest where her heart thumped loudly. “Wherever I am in the world. No matter how shunned, or ostracized you feel. Know that I love you, not out of any obligation. Simply because I want to. Remember I’ll never be to far for you to come home to. My arms will always keep you safe and warm. Promise me you’ll remember that.”

You poured out your heart as tears streamed from both of your eyes. Her hands gripped tighter against your hips as she shook with emotion. There were no words she could be said to make you understand the security you’d given Shuri with your statement. All she could do was lean forward placing her lips to yours. Inside that kiss you felt her promise.

The two of you fell sound asleep in eachothers arms that night. Your hands pressed delicately pressed against eachother hearts. The next morning Shuri drops you off at school, sending you off with a light kiss and encouragement for your exam. She wouldn’t be going to school today she had to hustle up money to get her lights turned on at home. She went to her job working an early shift seeing if she could get a loan. They were willing but she could get it until the next week. She went home searching for anything of value to pawn. But their valuables had been taken by the police after her father had passed. She was hitting a dead end on all fronts.

Shuri found herself riding aimlessly through The Bricks. Wind blowing through her shirt. Stress weighing heavily on her shoulders. As she rode she found herself traveling a familiar path. One she hadn’t been to since her father was alive. One she vowed to never step foot in again. Her bike came to a stop in front of a massive warehouse. She swore she’d never resort to this life. Now here she was tail tucked between her legs going back to the only life she’d known. She closed her eyes and let out a small breath before taking off her helmet and hopping off of her bike, making her way around the back of the building. She banged on the door hard 3 times, and soon after a latch opened and a pair of eyes appeared through the Judas hole.

“What you need?”

“I’m here for N’jadaka.”

“Who dat?” Shuri rolled her eyes.

“You know who I’m talking about. I’m not calling him fucking Killmonger.” She hears laughter come from the other side of the door.

“Let her in Hemp.” The door opens and Shuri steps in. Topless women cooked dope and men counted racks of money. Flashes of her brother walking down the stairs with his infectious smile went through Shuri’s mind. Her mother strutting through the rows of women making sure the coke was perfectly distributed. Shuri’s eyes scanned over the building until they land on Killmonger. Visions of her father sitting dressed to the nines a cigar placed in between his lips. “You’re my prized possession intomba. I do this all for you.” He would say. She shook off the memories. Her gaze locking onto N’Jadaka’s who sat leaned back in the sitting area, a telling smile on his face. Shuri made her way over to him.

“Little cousin. Here so soon. How can I help you?” Shuri’s jaw clenched a bit. Angry with herself for being here. She stands there quietly. Her eyes looking ove all of Killmongers henchmen. He immediately got the hint. She wasn’t going to speak until they cleared area. He signaled for the men to leave and they all filed out. Shuri threw a glance over her shoulder, before turning her attention back towards him.

“I need your help.” She says m, undertones of defeat in her voice.

“Help? What kind of a help?”

“I need a job…and a loan. I won’t beat around the bush. The mines isn’t cutting it. Mama’s in hospice and Cha’s useless. The lights are out in the apartment and I have to figure out how to keep up with the rent and utilities so they dont suspect I’m there alone, or I’m going into the system.” Her head drops as she bites into her cheeks. “And my girl..I don’t want her to be with a bum. She deserves the best and I want to be able to give it to her.” He leans forward his elbows settled on his knees, as he looks Shuri over.

“Ah..young love. It’s a beautiful thing.” He says pulling out a blunt placing it to his lips before sparking it up. “Sounds like you’re in a bad way….You thought about this? This is really what you want to do?” She nods and speaks.

“I have conditions.” He smirks.

“Ofcourse you do.” Shuri rolls her eyes in response.

“You gotta let me go after I graduate. I want out of all this the day of graduation. I just need this to stay on my feet for a couple of years. And I need whatever you have me do to be low profile.”

N’jadaka nods understandingly. He stands and walks over to a safe entering the code. Once it’s opened he pulls out a stack of money, walking over to Shuri placing the money in her hand.

“That’s twenty thousand. Take that as a welcome to the family business gift.” He says with a smirk. Shuri stared at the money in her hands. She hadn’t seen this much money at once in years. “What do I have to do for this?” N’Jadaka shakes his head aware of Shuri’s distrust.

“I was serious about what I said yesterday. I don’t want you out on the corners. I would prefer that we were partners. That big brain of yours could make us some real money. So for the next two years I’d like for you to be here with me. Help me revamp my operation and graduation day you’re free to live your life.”

“So you want me to be your right hand?”

“Exactly.”

“I get 50/50.”

“Done”

“Minimum visibility.”

“Almost none exisistence.”

Shuri’s jaw clenches in thought as she took in her surroundings. “I’m not getting my hands dirty N’Jadaka. Business operations is my job. I tell you what to do, you pass it along. I come in weekdays when the sun sets and for emergency’s only. Deal?” Killmonger places out a hand to shake, and Shuri takes it.

“Deal lil Udaku. You’re quite the bargainer. I look forward to doing business with you. See you Monday.” Shuri nods. Placing the money into her jacket pockets.

“See you Monday.”

I think back on that day often. Wondering just where would I be if I’d just toughed out the struggle for awhile. But, I didn’t. And that decision haunts me to this day.

That’s where it all began. The day I fell in love and simultaneously ruined my life.

#Spotify #shuri fanfiction #shuri angst #shuri black panther #shuri imagine #shuri fic #shuri udaku #shuri x reader #shuriri #shuri x you #Letitia Wright

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factual-fantasy · 2 days

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10 asks! Thank you!! :}} 🌞

AHEHEHE KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING LIKE A DORK AT THIS 😭😭💞🥺💖💖 THANK YOU SO MCUH!! I DO MY BEST TO MAKE THE EXPRESSIONS KF THE CHARACTERS READABLE AND DRIPPING WITJ EMOTION SO IM GLAD ITS WORKING!! :DD ✨💞✨💖✨

@gummysusie

Oh there's lots I'd be willing to eat if I had to! XDD

My memory ain't the best but off the top of my head-- I'm sure eating miltank meat wouldn't disturb me so much! :0

I like fish so there's a lot of those I'd be willing to try! Magikarp, uhhh those two grumpy fish that are either green/red or green/blue! I forgot the name..

Of course all of the food themed ones would be relatively no problem. Fidough, Milcery.. There's some bird ones that wouldn't be too upsetting too! XDD

As long as my brain relates them to earthly animals, I'm not too disturbed by the thought of eating them XD Im sure they have to eat pokemon in the actual pokemon universe! Where else do their meat based dishes come from? How else do they feed their carnivorous pokemon??

@girlsackthing

Not recently :(( but I'd like to pick it up again someday once I'm feeling better! :}}

@illogically-austere

Hey thanks for checking in, that means a lot 🥹

I'm hanging in there as best I can. I haven't eaten much but am getting plenty of water and rest! I'm hoping this horrible health trial thingy I've been going through is over soon <:}}

@sussyhahag

y a l i k e j a z z ?

@littlelightfish

Hey pal, I hope You're doing alright! Hang in there.. <:}}

I haven't worked much on Tuna's backstory recently.. but I imagined that his blood family was gone.. he lived on a ship with a real rotten crew that was horrible to him.

As for how he joined Seafoam's crew, I imagined that the crew rescued him somehow. Maybe Tuna's old crew attacked Seafoam's crew but he kicked their butts. Perhaps in all the chaos Tuna was left behind by "mistake", only for Foam to welcome him aboard?

Maybe his old crew got too intense and he ran, somehow running into Seafoam and he offered shelter? Or maybe his old ship sank and he was found by Seafoam..? Something along those lines-- XD

Anywho- thank you! Things are starting to look up for me, I'm hoping this journey is almost over! <:}}

@raven-bearden-the-interviewer42

"Seafoam's heart 🥰..... Metaphorically I mean-"

I would assume so! :0 Maybe a cookie like that already exists in the games!

Well that's hard to say.. I usually draw comics all in one pass. I sketch out the entire comic, and then I go back and draw all the line art, and then I go back and color it all in..

So in that sense 1 drawing for a comic could take days to complete. But if I were to focus on just one panel/drawing? I would guesstimate about 10-15 minutes :0

Now my name! My memory is a little foggy.. but one of my favorite things to do in drawing is to apply logic, reason and explanations for things.

For example, Captain Barnacles! He's a polar bear wearing a full suit and lives out in the Pacific Ocean. Obviously there's a lot that doesn't make sense about that- but mainly the fact that Barnacles would be way too hot!

So I remedy this by making my version of Barnacles have very short fur, a special diet that thins out his blubber, and a special suit that helps keep him cool! It's not perfect obviously but it helps make him living out in the Pacific seem more reasonable. Which is what I love to do, and how I thought of my name! Applying fact to fantasy, Factual Fantasy!

Hm, Bibi's worst fear.. that would have to be something bad happening to me or any of the fam I'd assume <XD

Nothing bad actually happened to Red, that nightmare just manifested because she loves/worries about him so much 🥺💞 Like a mother having dreams about their children getting hurt. Nothing exactly happened to cause it, but they just worry about their babies so much that those dreams happen sometimes..

And lastly, thank you! It's looking good that I might finally get out of this pit. So my spirits are high! :}}

@beryl-shade (sorry for the late response! <:D)

He typically will not allow it 😅 I originally had a drawing idea for this ask but I dont have the strength to get to my PC so I can just explain it!-

I imagined Octo and some of the crew all tied to chairs with some other pirates taunting them. Octo looks very bored and very unintimidated.

Well one of the pirates makes the mistake of grabbing one of Octos tentacles and twirling it around. Octo immediately reacts and uses the other tentacles on his head to restrain his hand and start choking the guy-

The rest of the crew is just laughing and calling that pirate an idiot while he continues to struggle to get away from the angry Octo 🤣

Now on the other hand, if he gets a joking pat on the head from Seafoam? Or if Red is up on his shoulders and he pulls on Octo's hair by mistake? Eh, whatever he doesn't mind much. : '

#my response #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #cookie run ocs #my ocs

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comradekatara · 2 days

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Hello, how would you rank the gaang+fire ladies in a best sense of style to worst of sense of style?

oooh fun! wait, is this modern au or not?? just in case, i’ll do both…

toph is the worst, obviously. she has no sense of style whatsoever. she does have her little pom pom opera headband, which is very cute, and honestly her fire nation fit is the cutest one (sorry katara), but i don’t think she actually gives a shit about any of that, she just happens to slay regardless because she can’t not slay. in modern au she mostly wears large shirts and sweatpants and flip flops, and yet somehow she still looks remarkably good “dressed like a slob” (katara’s words) because she is simply beautiful enough to pull it off.

i don’t think zuko has a bad sense of style, i actually think a lot of his outfits are genuinely cute (i esp love his one tank top in book 1 that’s such a look imo), but like toph, he also isn’t really putting effort in, so it’s not so much a “sense of style” as it is in his nature to serve cunt. in modern au he actively tries to spice up his wardrobe (with katara’s help), but then he never actually wears any of the stuff they bought together because he needs his emotional support favorite cardigan and/or black turtleneck. he can pull it off because he looks cute and cozy, but no is mistaking him for an expert in fashion any time soon.

i always wonder how aang found those monk’s robes in book 3, whether he made them himself, and if so, with which fabrics. so in that sense, he’s actually a diy style icon. but in modern au, he literally dresses like roman roy in the finale, walmart boys’ color block t shirt, so i’m docking points even though, again, he does look adorable and it is a Look in its own right. the light up heelys also add or dock points depending on who you ask.

from book 2 onward, sokka has a nice, simple outfit that is a good cut and a good color without being remotely flashy or complicated, and he accessorizes with weapons, which are both practical and spice up his outfit. “like toph, he also doesn’t give a shit about his looks, it’s just a coincidence that he looks good,” one could argue. but i think he knew what he was doing with that sleeveless top. and besides, he was excited by the fact that his bag matched his belt. in modern au, sokka doesn’t give a shit about style until adulthood, because he and katara just focus on their respective domains and thus katara has the monopoly on fashion, but then he starts figuring out his gender and sexuality and the world of fashion opens up for him. that said, his idea of going crazy is like, wearing a couple rings, so he’s still towards the middle bottom of this list.

azula doesn’t really have a sense of personal style, she just wears what she thinks looks best for her circumstances, and since her goal is to intimidate, she happens to slay. but if she was like, a farmer, she would not be bothering with the winged eyeliner and red lipstick and perfect hair, because that is a product of her environment rather than an internally motivated mode of self-expression. so in modern au, she trades shoulder spikes for shoulder pads, and knee high boots for tastefully high heels, but the effect is the same. respect me, fear me, take me seriously in my navy blue blazer.

suki never really gets to pick her own outfits unless you count the fire nation crop top, which is cute but obviously wouldn’t be her first pick in garb. that said, the kyoshi warrior armor obviously goes so hard and she looks great in it, so she’s a style icon just for that. in modern au, she dresses in a way that is deceptively simple but knows that it makes her look really hot to her target demographic (dykes and sokka). she generally just opts for flannel and cargo shorts, but on days where she’s on a mission, she’ll wear a short sleeved loose button up with half the sleeves undone, some necklaces, and no bra. and she’s a hero for that.

mai’s outfit is actually my favorite in the entire show (like, i would wear it), but there’s something kind of cutesy about her hair style that i feel like was probably imposed on her by her mother. like don’t get me wrong, it still looks good on her, but i can’t see her actually caring to maintain something so elaborate without the presence of external pressures. i can picture modern au mai’s sense of style so perfectly, though. soft flared pants, in a silky fabric; turtleneck tank tops; leather jackets: dark peacoats; dyke boots to stomp around in; mostly in various shades of dark red, dark blue, and black. she keeps it simple and classy, and has the freedom to experiment with hair styles more as well. when she’s alone, everyone is envious of her effortlessly chic steez, and yet, when she is with ty lee, everyone’s like “awww it’s cute that ty lee lets that kind of schlubby girl hang around her.”

ty lee puts effort into her appearance for the purposes of attracting specific results. she knows she’s beautiful, of course, but she also wants to be beautiful in a cute way, harmless and inviting. pink is less threatening than red, showing skin makes her seem vulnerable and desirable, her braid is simultaneously perfect and kind of messy. in modern au, ty lee would similarly be attuned to the cultivation of her aesthetic for a similar purpose. she wouldn’t just wear whatever she felt like, but rather would have an extremely curated wardrobe of outfits that all adhere to the same theme of making her look impossibly beautiful but in a cute and harmless way. idk man. there’s something wrong with her, i think, but also that thing might just be patriarchy.

katara is the only character who canonically takes an interest in fashion for the sake of fashion (iirc), and so that immediately elevates her in my opinion. she clearly cares a not insignificant amount about her appearance, and takes pride in looking good (as she should, because she’s beautiful). i love the idea that she got her book 2 outfit in the northern water tribe and was so excited about getting a new fit that she literally wore it the entire season even though it was springtime and she was sweating buckets. she’s so excited about dressing up in ba sing se, or when they steal clothes in the fire nation, or when she gets to take kyoshi’s clothing in “avatar day,” or when she goes to the spa with toph, or when she’s telling aunt wu about her skincare routine. it matters to her! and i think that as she gets older, and more resources are available, she gets to expand and experiment with her wardrobe more, and that’s really fun for her. and in modern au, she’d also love fashion of course, and would have a lot of opinions on how to participate in fashion ethically. her wardrobe would be kind of all over the place because it’s mostly thrifted, but she’d put so much effort into curating an outfit every day before she leaves the house, and she can go weeks if not months without repeating an outfit, not because she has an unlimited wardrobe, but because she’s really clever and thoughtful when it comes to what she pairs together on any given day. and she sometimes makes her own clothing, or modifies thrifted pieces, and that somehow looks great on her too. my point is, she wins in a landslide.

#yourlocalamoeba #asks #the gaang and #modern au #ish #to no one’s surprise the katara section is twice as long as everyone else’s

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sulfies · 8 hours

Note

In your heavy bleeding au, does Desmond remember his bleeds or does he just black out during the whole process? Also, does he have certain triggers?

Love all your au stuff btw owo

Im glad my au is infecting everyones brain muhahaha

to answer, when I draw Desmond with yellow eyes and fainting like a damsel I think in my head its one fo 2 things:

1) he is having such a heavy bleed(hehe pun) his body shuts down and all he can do is to live thru the bleed basically, he would not be able to tell its a bleed even if someone told him it was one(they cant tho since he is stuck in the bleed in his head) so he just has to ride it out. It probobly disorients him quiet a bit once he gets out of it for hrs maybe in some cases days.

2) he is having visions from apple and its such heavy knowledge his human brain kinda goes overheat mode.

In the end you can determine yourself (since its an au nothing is set in stone lol) if he remembers or not but for myself:

I think on 1)

he doesnt remember all details, after he is out of the episode he probobly remembers who the bleed was about and some context but not all, but some stuff lingers for few hours sometimes days as mentioned. maybe he finds hard to switch to the language he uses the most or his emotions carry over, like if it was about altair right after he lost his ranks, he feels some petty anger towards Malik he cannot explain but he can figure out it was cocky-altair memories probobly due to context clues. They are probobly like dreams(or nightmares) in a sense where the more he tries to remember the more he forgets about details…

for 2)

He is just not that smart enough (sorry Des ur no Altaïr…)to explain what the apple showed him but he probobly does remember in a sense; if its things like a remedy, a basic invention or instructions that he can learn from a yt video normally he can muscle memory to make em. its more like “how tf did u do that” “uhhh i have no idea” withing a limit lol so he cannot invent phones bc he probobly cant even make a phone in modern day

——————

for his other heavy bleeds where he is not passed out with eyes all gold I think some of the same rules as 1) apply where he doesnt know he is in a bleed, especially if he is bleeding as someone bc at that moment he thinks he is that person, but someone could snap him out of it if they tried (usually if he is bleeding ezio and actual ezio shows up he can make Des snap out of it but its not foolproof) and afterwards he probobly remembers most of it (to his horror) bc he did actively and physically live thru it. Like w the fic where he thinks there are guards after him but its a bleed, after he learns it is he still remembers them and sees them

but again I think the fun part is u can kinda make Des suffer in anyway you want (again…sorry Des…)so no rules are set in stone, so if you dont want him to remember anything after bleeds you are free to do so and ill probobly break these guides aswell lol

————-

for triggers hmm i think anything you want could be a trigger lol but it doesnt have to be “triggered” to happen. I think like that other fic when he first time-travels and lands in Italy or Levant he would most likely have a bleed where he thinks he is someone else sooner or later bc the enviroment shocks him and confuses him (as time travel does) so something that “shocks” him can send him into an episode but he could also be totally fine in another scenerio

in my hc w the fainting ones, they are similar to seizures w how they come and go (I do not get seizures so my research is very limited) so sometimes he can guess it will happen few seconds to min before but he cannot stop them and sometimes it just gets him by suprise, for the ones where he doesnt faint he again has no idea when it will happen and most likely cannot tell it will, those ones are probobly more affected by “triggers” but they dont have to be as I said above

ty for askingg sorry to give an essay as response lol

#take a shot everytime i say bleed to experiance your very own bleed #dont #im sorry desmond lol ı swear I do love you thats why I gave you a harem of assassins #assassin's creed #asks #heavy bleed effect au

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ecliphttlunar · 1 day

Text

If you are not - Chris Sturniolo

Summary: you had been separated for weeks, and you were both suffering, and you wanted each other, until all this suffering ended when you had the chance to meet again once again.

Warnings: angst, comfort, kisses, mention of unrequited love, cute

Author's notes: This is my work, I do not authorize any plagiarism, copying or “inspiration”. English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if there are any grammatical errors. This is part 2 of Friends

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Since that night, Chris has been losing his mind, and you've been trying to convince yourself that you did the right thing.

You two were lost in a maze of emotions, Chris was missing you, and he was going crazy.

And you were wondering what was wrong with you when you left.

This loneliness was making you cold.

Chris tried not to let it get him down, going out to parties, talking and hooking up with girls.

For others, you had become just another person.

But Chris knew better.

He was always, even though he knew it was wrong, comparing other girls to you.

They weren't pretty like you.

They weren't fun like you.

They weren't as nice as you, they didn't get along as well with his brothers as you did, they didn't stay in his head like you did, they didn't have your smile, the sparkle in your eyes, the soft hair like yours, the features of your face like yours.

They weren't you.

Chris was now with his friends and brothers, all on the couch watching a movie while drops of water fell to the ground and thunder accompanied the rain.

You were always afraid of storms, always finding comfort in Chris's arms, his soft voice in your ear, and the stupid jokes that made you laugh.

But now you weren't in his arms, and Chris began to feel afraid of the storm, the terrifying sounds the thunder made.

Looking out the window, watching the rain fall, he realized that, again, he was thinking about you.

But he couldn't be surprised by it.

He was obsessed with you.

What had you done with him?

And he felt it again, that poison inside him.

Longing. He missed you.

And you? You were lying in your bed, with a blanket over your body to keep you warm, but you still felt cold.

You were cold, alone, and scared to sleep.

Because whenever you slept, you remembered those eyes.

Those damn eyes.

Whenever you slept, it felt like you went back in time, always having the same dream.

First, you saw his eyes.

He was there, in front of you, smiling at you, you were holding hands, and soon you hugged each other, your lips touched and your hand went to his hair.

Until you woke up and realized it was all a dream.

Just a dream.

And now, you were scared to sleep.

You knew that in your thoughts, he would remain, at all times you would remember the sparkle in those eyes.

You closed your eyes and couldn't forget him.

Damn gods.

You thought about him, even when you were with someone.

Attractive, fun men, they knew how to talk to you, they made you laugh.

But the story was always the same.

At some point or another, you would start comparing that man to Chris.

You always thought about him.

Even though you were with someone, you thought.

It wasn't him.

You were losing your mind, going completely crazy, feeling different emotions at the same time.

Until one day, destiny brought you together again.

And finally you realized.

It was inevitable.

The destiny had already been written.

It was supposed to be you and Chris.

It all happened when Nick asked you to participate in a new video.

And you said yes.

You knew you should say no.

But everything was a disaster, and you just wanted to see him.

Find out how he is.

And you couldn't wait any longer, and now you were 5 minutes away from loving him again.

One last time.

You parked your car in front of their house but stayed in the car.

His hands shook as they gripped the steering wheel tightly.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, finally getting out of the car and walking towards the front door of the house.

You had been standing in front of the door for more than 5 minutes, trying to find the courage to knock.

Your hand was shaking as you raised it for the tenth time, about to knock on the door.

But you lowered it again, and raised it, and repeated these movements several times.

Until, before you had time to understand what you were doing, you knocked on the door.

After a few seconds it opened, revealing him.

Chris.

He swallowed hard, not believing the ghost in front of him.

You were really there.

When Nick said you were coming for the new video, Chris froze, and thought it was a lie.

But he remembered that his brothers didn't know exactly what had happened between you, so for you to show up at his house was something that could happen.

And there you were, in front of him.

Chris had prepared a speech for you, and now, this speech was going through his mind, he needed to talk to you.

It was simple, he just needed to say it, but it felt like their lips had been glued together.

Even if he tried, they wouldn't open up.

He froze in place.

Until his lips came loose, and he stood there in front of you, opening and closing his mouth.

You were confused.

And he was embarrassed, he was making a fool of himself now, in front of you.

He just closed his lips and eyes tightly, lowering his head.

He stayed in that position for a while, and when a small spark of courage appeared, still with his head down, he whispered.

"I'm sorry" the first words of the speech had been spoken, and now, he just needed to say the rest.

And now, he thought it would be a little easier, he had managed to start, he just needed to finish.

But he couldn't, because he forgot all the words he had prepared as soon as he raised his head and saw your watery eyes.

You didn't want to cry, but as soon as those words escaped his mouth, and you realized the conversation they were going to have, you couldn't help it, you tried to remain firm, but your eyes started to water.

His heart broke when he saw you in that fragile state.

But he needed to continue, even if it was difficult, he needed to, because you had given him permission to talk, you were listening to him, and he wanted, he needed to have you back.

So, he continued, even though he didn't know what he was saying, he continued, transforming all these emotions he felt these last few weeks into words.

"I'm sorry, I.." he closes his eyes.

Now it was his emotions that were trying to surface, his voice broke and he wondered if he could speak.

He needed to speak. Or he would lose you again, and maybe he wouldn't have another chance like this.

He lets out a shaky breath, and continues.

"I'm normally not the type of person to stay up all night thinking about someone, but since that night, I haven't been able to sleep, it's kind of hard to sleep peacefully, when your heart is on the line, the truth is I'm going through hell since you left, because in my head it's always been you, my heart is in your hands, desperate because no one can take it from you, you're on my damn mind and I can't fight it."

You tried to hold back the tears, but at this point you were already sobbing, because you were going through hell too.

You were feeling the same way he felt.

He approaches you, and when you don't back away, he takes your face in his hands.

He takes a deep breath, trying to control his emotions.

At that moment, he was handing you a knife, while you held his heart.

Waiting to see what you would do.

Whether you would throw away the knife, and keep his heart, or whether you would kill him.

"I'm tired of playing with myself, thinking there's someone else, I dated girls, and I tried to write the story my way, but if it's not you, it's a lie."

“Chris” You whisper his name but he stops you.

You were so close now, noses touching, lips millimeters apart.

"I'm sorry for not realizing sooner, for not telling you that I loved you, I'm so sorry." He whispers.

You breathe, calling his name again, and again, and again.

You were a wreck.

"I thought it was some kind of one-sided love, unrequited love." You whisper.

"No honey, I just didn't realize it, but now I see it, I love you."

You let out a small laugh, finding it funny what the lack of communication did to you.

"I love you too Chris."

And with those 4 words, Chris felt his heart beat again, faster than ever.

You still loved him.

Chris felt the air returning to his lungs as he smiled.

You missed that smile.

Of course, you and Chris knew that everything wasn't resolved, you would have to talk more, resolve some other things that hadn't yet been resolved, and explain a lot of things to each other.

But at that moment, you just wanted him to dry your tears and kiss you.

And that's exactly what he did.

He kissed you, but it wasn't like other times, where you were at a party kissing because of sexual desires.

He kissed you because he loved you. And he put all this love he felt for you into that kiss.

And you like it.

You separated, and looked at each other, both eyes reflecting love.

And in that moment, you understood.

That before, no matter how much you loved each other, you still didn't know how to love.

That's why it was necessary for you to separate, so that you could learn.

And you learned.

You holding each other, smiling at each other, your eyes shining with love, it was proof that you had learned how to love each other.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

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imagine-a-life-like-this · 1 day

Text

Accidentally In Enemies : Part 3 (S.CB)

Word Count : 2.7k

Warnings : swearing, breakup, food, heartache, angst

A/N : Just the epilogue left now! I'm sorry it took so long to get this part out but I ended up hitting major writer's block with this part. Hopefully the epilogue won't take long to get out so I can start posting the next series soon after the poll is finished!

It felt like the beginning again. The first day that San broke up with her. She woke up the morning after the dinner, everything processed in her brain, and she didn’t want to get up. Wanted to waste away in bed. Re-reading texts between them, wondering when things went wrong. Scrolling through pictures she had yet to delete, wishing for those days to come back. When they looked so happy together, so in love.

But Changbin refused to let her waste away in bed. Showing up at her house every single day. He didn’t let her sit with her thoughts for too long, always having something to say. Makes sure she takes care of herself. Helping her realize that this wasn’t the end of her love life, just the end of this chapter.

She had gotten used to having him around. Expecting him to be knocking at the door at the same time each day. She would find herself pulling herself out of bed to get ready for his arrival. Having a shower, getting dressed, doing her makeup. Why am I trying to impress Changbin? She would find herself thinking. But his knock would pull her from her thoughts, and she wouldn’t think about it until the next day. A cycle. A routine. It’s been so long since she had a routine like this.

A routine that didn’t seem boring. A routine that had her excited for each day. Changbin helped her find excitement and happiness in each day. Just by being around. She went from absolutely hating him to craving his time and attention. Waiting for classes to be over so she could see him again.

Until it all seemed to crumble around her.

The day started the same as it always did. With her getting ready, wondering again why she was trying to impress Changbin. And then he knocked on the door, pulling her from her wandering mind. But when she opened the door, her smile fell, and she was met with Choi San. She went to close the door, but he stopped her, slamming his hand on it, and pushing it back open. “I just want to talk.”

“Everything has been said and done, San. Let’s face it. Our relationship was over long before the breakup. I realized that recently. I’m over it.” She goes to close the door again, but he stopped her again.

“You said your piece, can I please say mine?” She stood there, staring at him, tracing his features with her eyes. She could see the bags under his eyes, wondering if he was losing sleep over what happened at the dinner weeks ago. But the obviously fresh hickey proved to her that he really didn’t care about her. He’s here for him.

“Talk.” San is persistent, she knows that. If she doesn’t hear him out now, he’ll come back again. And again. It used to be one of her favourite things about him. He’d go to her after every fight. If she wasn’t ready to talk, he’d sit with her until she was, letting her know he wasn’t going anywhere. But right now? She hates it. Wishes he could let things be said and done, focus on his new relationship, allow her to focus on herself.

“Can I come in?” She shook her head.

“You can talk out here.” He nodded, running his fingers through his hair.

“I didn’t flirt with Gahyeon or anyone else while we were together, I promise you that. We started texting, but nothing romantic until I officially ended things with you.” He paused to assess the look on Y/n’s face. Try to gauge what she’s thinking, but her face was blank. Her eyes held no emotion. All she did was nod, and turn to shut the door again, but he started talking again. “Please say you believe me.”

“Let’s say that I do. Where does that leave us? We’re still broken up. You still had someone else in line for when we broke up. Nothing changes. So what was the point of you coming all the way over here to tell me this?” Silence fell over them for a minute while San tried to think of something. “Good talk.” She goes to close the door for a fourth time, but this time stops herself to say one more thing. “Maybe you should make a note in your phone of her favourites. So you don’t forget.” Before San could say anything else, she closes the door.

He goes to knock again but is stopped by Changbin. “I think it’s pretty clear she doesn’t want to talk to you.” San looks at the door and then back at Changbin, noticing the bags of food he had in his hands. He realizes now that she was expecting Changbin when she first opened the door, smile wide, makeup freshly done. It reminds him of when they first started dating, when he would show up at her house with food and gifts. How she would open the door with the same smile, the same starry look in her eyes. It’s clear to him now that she’s completely moved on, and for some reason, he hates the feeling settling in his chest.

It didn’t hit her until she was gathering her belongings together after class, humming a song to herself that Changbin likes to sing to her, that she was growing attached. She was falling for him. She didn’t think of San anymore. Or the hurt he gave her. She didn’t think of the breakup in the coffee shop with San handing her a drink she barely drank. Or the dinner where San pointed out food she would hate. She didn’t even think of the fact that her relationship with San was over long before either of them walked away. That he had another girl lined up for when he left her.

She thought of Changbin coming in, sliding her favourite drink across the table like he was the one she was supposed to be meeting up with the whole time. How he knew immediately which meal at the restaurant she would like, knowing the one San pointed out was one she wouldn’t eat. She thought of the way Changbin didn’t let her dwell in the heartbreak. He mended her heart before she could even realize it was broken.

The realization stopped her in her tracks, steps away from her desk, her bag falling to the floor. She was in love with Changbin. How could she be in love with Changbin? She spent years hating him, wanting nothing to do with him. Now all she wants to do is spend the day with him. Everyday.

“Are you okay?” Changbin came rushing in, picking her bag up off the ground, looking over her to see if she was injured anywhere. “Are you sick?” When he placed his hand on her forehead, she met his eyes. They were filled with worry and concern. And they were only focused on her. Even with other students around them, he only looked at her. “Let’s get you home and I’ll make you some soup.”

He slung her bag over his shoulder with no hesitation, wrapping her in his arms, leading her out of the building and to his car. People stared. They whispered. But Changbin didn’t care. He still only looked at her. She stopped walking and reached for her bag, but Changbin pulled back. “You don’t have to do this anymore. It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve seen San. We can end this and go back to the way things used to be.” She held out her hand for her bag, but Changbin softly hit it away.

“What if I don’t want to? What if I want to continue to be by your side? Did you ever think of that?” She stared at him, unsure of what to say. It never crossed her mind that Changbin wanted to be with her. Despite that being the most plausible reason for him continuing to show up everywhere. She always saw him as someone to hate, someone that hates her just as much. “Let me just take you home. Please.” He sounded desperate. As if he was seconds away from getting on his knees. So she gave in.

The drive was silent. Unlike the drives in the past, which were usually filled with music, Changbin singing along, looking over at her, and serenading her with every cheesy love song. She would laugh, playfully smack his arm, and tell him he was a dork. But it never stopped him. Not that she wanted him to stop. And now that he’s not, she wishes for nothing more than just to be serenaded one last time.

“Don’t come around anymore.” She said softly as she got out of his car. “Thanks for all your help.” He nodded and she shut the door. He waited until she was inside to drive away, trying to pretend like his heart wasn’t hurting and his eyes weren’t stinging from holding back tears.

She tried to keep to routine the following days, but without Changbin knocking at her door making her excited for the days to come, the routine seemed to fall apart. It felt like she was back at square one. Pulling herself out of bed, shuffling into the bathroom. She tamed her hair that was knotted all over from tossing and turning, brushed her teeth, and washed her face.

Her eyes scanned over her makeup when she sat at the desk in her room, glancing up into the mirror. And then she stood up, got dressed, and left her room. “Eat something before you go.” Her roommate called after her. When she turned around, she saw dishes scattered on the table. “Did you and Changbin break up?” Her roommate asked as they sat at the table to eat. “I got used to having him around everyday.” She giggled.

“Me too.” Y/n mumbled then caught herself. “We weren’t dating!” Her roommate looked at her like she didn’t believe her.

“Oh please. So he was just coming over everyday with food just because?” Y/n nodded. “Picking you up after class? Taking you out all the time? Late night drives? All just because?” She nodded again, slowly this time, taking in the words. “And look at you now. You look like you’re going through a break up.”

Y/n looked down at her outfit. It was warm outside so she wore a t-shirt with a pair of shorts. It was comfortable. She thought it was cute. But if Changbin were here to pick her up, she’s sure she would have gone for a skirt instead. Or maybe a little sundress. She would have done her hair better. A touch of makeup. “I’m going to class.”

“Just admit you guys broke up!” Her roommate calls after her and she slams the door, blinking back tears as she hops on her bicycle. It’s been a while, used to Changbin driving her everywhere. But she took a deep breath, put her ear buds in, and took another second to blink back more tears, and then headed for class.

She didn’t even notice the all too familiar car sitting across the street. Changbin sitting inside, watching her to make sure she was okay. He wonders if she ate the food he left on the steps for her. Wonders if she wished he knocked on the door. If she misses the mornings they shared the way he did.

When all her classes were done, she packed up slower than usual, nothing to look forward to anymore. Changbin wasn’t waiting for her outside the classroom door with his heart stopping smile. He wasn’t going to take her bag and wrap an arm around her, talking a mile a minute about his day, asking about hers, as he led her to his car. They wouldn’t drive around until they found something to do, somewhere to eat.

Instead she walks alone to her bike, head down, ignoring all the chatter around her. She’s come to terms with the fact that maybe, just maybe her and Changbin took the fake dating thing a little too seriously. Got a little too close. Became a little too attached. “Y/n.” Her head snaps up at the familiar voice, seeing someone standing by her bike with a nervous smile.

“What are you doing here?” She grumbled as she unlocked her bike, getting ready to go home. And then she stood up, holding her bike by the handlebars, staring at the man that nervously scratched the back of his neck. “If you don’t have anything to say, goodbye.”

“Y/n wait, please.” She really thought she’d never see him again. Hoped she’d never see him again. “You and Changbin. Is it true you broke up?” She used to find his nervous habits cute. The way he’d kick his feet, scratch at his neck, barely make eye contact. But not anymore.

“That’s not any of your business, San.” She answered.

“Do you want to know why I actually broke up with you?” He asked before she could leave. The question had her stopping in her tracks. She thought she knew. He didn’t love her anymore. He forget everything about her, started to learn about someone new. “You’re right that our relationship was over long before either of us walked away, but do you know why?”

“Because you fell out of love with me.” She answered, turning around to face him. He shook his head.

“Because I knew you and Changbin didn’t really hate each other.” She let out a laugh. She remembers telling San all the things Changbin has done to her, said to her. All the times he made her cry. She would say his name with venom lacing her words. “It was only a matter of time before you saw what I did.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I despised him.”

“I didn’t.” She whipped her head around to see Changbin standing there. “I never hated you. I’m just an idiot and a coward.”

“I got to go.” She said, getting on her bike and leaving before either of them could say anything else. San nodded his head towards her, telling Changbin to go after her. He watched as Changbin rushed to his car, leaving as fast as he could, knowing he was right. He leaned against the bike rack, shoving his hands in his pockets, practically kicking himself for the words that came out of his mouth.

That’s not how he wanted the talk to go. He just wanted to know if there was any hope for them to start again, but he knew by the look in her eyes when she saw him that the answer was no. It would always be no. He was too late.

Changbin beat her to her house, standing in front of her steps by the time she made it home, a hopeful smile on his face. “Can we please talk?” She took in his appearance. The dark circles under his eyes, the holes in his shirt. It looked like he rolled out of bed and went to class, but why does she still find him attractive?

“You look like a mess.” She said. He looked down at his outfit and chuckled, shrugging his shoulders, telling her he didn’t think he would be seeing her today, even though he wanted to. “Are you going to give me some cheesy speech about how you’ve always had feelings for me and that made you nervous so you said dumb things and that made me hate you?” He opened his mouth to dispute that but closed it and nodded. “Idiot.”

“We’ve established that.” He said. She giggled and nodded. “So? Should we give us a real chance?” He looked at her with a hopeful look in his eyes, cocking his head slightly to the side as he waited for her answer.

“Let’s go inside. We have a new episode of our show today.” She said, taking a step towards him, turning him around, and lightly pushing him up the steps, slipping her hand in his before she opened the door. He smiled at her, holding tighter so she couldn’t slip away this time.

back to masterlist

@mxnsxngie @maeleelee @turtledove824 @moon0fthenight @dinossaurz

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sageistrii · 1 day

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So like I said if nothing has changed with Jimin's next album, then I'll have to accept that certain members which includes him are happy with where they are and with one member being favoured. And if that's the case then I don't see why I should be be bothered about something he isn't bothered about.

I think one thing we have to remember now more that ever is that whether Jimin (or any of the others) is bothered or not by these things or has even tried to address them, there is likely very little he could do about it. Regardless of whatever influence or power people expect the members to have within the company, we are now very clear on the extent HYBE can go to to attack a person if they don’t do as asked.

While we have to accept that the truth of this situation lies somewhere between Min Heejin’s and Hybe’s statements, I do think that Min Heejin gave us a LOT of info about the dynamics at Hybe. All of this is happening to her because of a history of disagreements (whether justified or not). She didn’t act the way they wanted her to, she complained about unfair requests of theirs and they wanted to put her in her place. This was just the moment for them to find actual ammunition against her because she decided to poke around and mess with ILLIT (and bruise Bang PD’s ego).

So if they can do this much damage to a top executive/creative who spearheads one of the company’s most successful groups because of disagreements (and big egos), why would they not do this to one of their idols? Again, I do not think that BTS members have even a fraction of the influence everyone expects them to have within that company which, just like this Min Heejin situation, sets a very concerning precedent.

You're right and that is exactly my point. If the members themselves can't make a change probably because they don't feel too strongly enough about it to make that change then why should I care?. If Jimin and the others feel like their situation was unbearable then they would cry out right? Or at least push hybe to give them something better. But while their current situation might not be the best, they seem to not care enough to change it so why should I be worried on Jimin's behalf?

The support will always be there, but like i said I will not be advocating for anything if we have a repeat of face era. I will enjoy the music and ignore every other thing. No essays, no screaming at hybe, nothing. There's a lot of mental and emotional energy being invested into doing these things and running a blog like this. During face and especially set me free pt2's release I was at the forefront telling everyone it's going to be ok and Jimin's debut will be one for the books, regardless of how weird things seemed at the time, and it was but I was actually affected by the whole thing. I always felt anxious and I couldn't eat (I'm not joking), because it seemed like as much as I tried to remain optimistic everything seemed to be going wrong at every turn. Sorry but I don't ever want to go through that again. I will just have to accept everything as is... for now at least, because I know if Jimin doesn't get what he deserves this year he would still get it eventually, his solo career isn't coming to an end and he is destined to be known as more than just "Jimin from BTS".

But this time, I don't think I have it in me to be as emotionally invested as I was with face. I will be here but I don't know how many more "Hybe hates Jimin" and "he's being sabotaged" posts I have left in me.

But regardless of hybe not doing their job,he is still going to do extremely well, that's for sure. But the thing is face also did well, that didn't stop the chaos.

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mochees · 2 days

Text

— two tortured souls

dazai osamu x chuuya nakahara | wc: 3k | crossposted to ao3

TAGS: drabble, angst, depression, post-corruption ability use, soft/comfort, generally low mental health mentions, chuuya has a BATH, use of petnames for teasing.

A/N: hihi!!! long time no write!!! remember when i dropped the most depraved, disgusting, self indulgent eremin fic ever and then dropped off the face of the earth with empty promises? me neither, moving on! anyway. been wanting to get back into writing lately but yknow..... the undergrad life........ but i find myself with too much time now that the semester is over so have a drabble thing i wrote a year ago and then just never posted lmfao. it was supposed to be longer but i just couldn't get the ending right so i left it kind of open i guess? anyway skk is real to me

Willingly sacrificing your autonomy is so much more than physically exhausting. Corruption leaves Chuuya feeling truly empty and insignificant. It makes him feel as though he really is just a vessel for something else. An empty, fleshy shell that doesn’t even belong to him. Unlike the physical exhaustion, however, the feeling lingers. It hangs around like a morning fog, obscuring everything as far as he can see. It’s disorienting and restrictive. Most of all, it’s loud. The voices that dwell in the fog are so loud, much louder than anything Chuuya has ever heard, and they echo. They echo, bouncing off of each other and amplifying every emotion, every word, every moment of despair.

Chuuya can’t remember how many days have passed since he used corruption. At least two, maybe even three. The fog is so thick that days eventually just blur together, and time turns into molasses. Resigning himself to a night or two in darkness, he tucks his knees against his chest and covers his ears with his arms, attempting to block out as much of the noise as possible.

But you can’t silence your own guilt.

It was pitch black in the house by the time Dazai arrived, which was unusual, but he figured that Chuuya was either tucked in and fast asleep already or strewn across some surface with a movie.

“Chuuya ~,” he sang. “I’m back ~!” Concern grew on Dazai’s face when the routine groan of usually completely false annoyance didn’t sound. He counted all the hats in the closet as he tucked his own clothing away and muttered to no one in particular, “he’s definitely here…”

The detective took a few steps before he sounded again, “Chuuya? Where are you?” The absence of an answer worried him further. No matter how tired, angry, or drunk Chuuya was, he always made a point of greeting his partner as unenthusiastically as he could.

Dazai made his way through the house, checking a few rooms before he found Chuuya. Scrunched up in the far corner of the bedroom, his faint form was desperately trying to be swallowed by darkness. Even for someone who consistently allowed themselves to actually be swallowed by the darkness, seeing Chuuya in such distress and anguish was deeply unsettling for Dazai. Chuuya always surrounded himself with people, and for him to look so alone–

Dazai shook off his thoughts and made his way over to the man, crouching low a few feet away.

“…uuya? Chuuya?” When he didn’t respond, Dazai raised his volume a fraction.

“Are you alright?” Chuuya jumped a little, unaware that someone had crossed into his world of anguish.

Dazai chuckled. He couldn’t help but find it a little humourous; it’s not often he was able to get the jump on him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“Dazai?” Chuuya’s voice was hoarse and distant, and Dazai immediately steeled himself.

“Are you– what happened?”

The executive didn’t answer. He just stared—not through Dazai or at anything; he just looked ahead with no purpose. Chuuya could hear something but could not decipher the sounds for the life of him. He only realized they were words when he noticed Dazai’s mouth moving.

There was nothing about Chuuya's demeanour that told Dazai he was conscious. But he also wasn't unconscious. God knows Dazai is all too familiar with Chuuya's unconscious mind, and this wasn't it. There was no light in his eyes, but they weren't lifeless. It was as if Chuuya had trapped himself in his own body, caught between two states of being. He didn't know if Chuuya could even process what he was saying in this state, but he also didn't want to stop. Perhaps Dazai believed in a silly idea that the sound waves might reach him, that they would guide him through whatever limbo he was in.

Once he finished, Dazai rose from his place on the floor and made his way to the bedroom door. Chuuya could see him leaving, but he couldn’t hear his footsteps. All he could focus on was the voices getting louder again, and the second that Dazai was out that door they started to echo again. Unwilling to fight them, Chuuya lowered his head back down and let the pressure build in his chest and ache his muscles.

Physically, the pain was no different from a hard day's work, but emotionally, it was excruciating. Every breath was hell. Each inhale wound a cord up tightly, but breathing out did nothing to release it. All of the fibres in Chuuya's body felt like they would snap and finally grant him a moment's release, maybe even exhaust him enough to sleep, but they didn't. Instead, they grew tighter and tighter, digging into every strand until it inevitably cut him into a million little pieces.

When Dazai returned, he was greeted with a sight more devastating than before. Tension was emanating from Chuuya like heat from a grill, and he looked positively hopeless.

“Chuuya,” Dazai’s voice was uncharacteristically soft—unfitting, really—but he hoped it might help Chuuya focus. “Will you come with me?” He waited a few moments, giving the redhead extra time to process.

To Chuuya, the sounds outside his head would die before they could fully reach him. The echo was good at drowning everything out like that.

But luckily, Dazai always did have a talent for evading death.

“You don’t have to do anything, I promise. I’ll–” He hesitated. How can you promise to take care of someone else when you’ve never been able to care for yourself?

“–I’ll help you. Please, Chuuya. If you stay here, it’s not going to get any better.”

Chuuya Nakahara knows that he is right. Of anyone, Osamu Dazai would know, wouldn’t he? It takes him a little while, but with a few shaky breaths and silent tears, he lifts his head and places his hand in the one outstretched before him. This won't fix him, but he has to admit that when Dazai rubs his thumb along his skin, it releases some of the tension in his shoulders. Dazai leans forward and slowly reaches for Chuuya’s other hand, stiff from how tight he was grasping onto his other arm.

“Okay, up we go.” Wasting no time to get Chuuya out of the isolation he'd built for himself, Dazai does his best to support as much of his weight as he can while holding his hands. He doesn’t know how long Chuuya had been sitting there, but he reckons his legs have probably gone numb. As if on cue, Chuuya almost falls right back down before Dazai has a hand on his waist.

“Careful.”

Chuuya's eyes are red and puffy, and his agony has left trails down his cheeks. Chuuya has always been beautiful to Dazai, stealing heartfelt glances when the former isn't looking. But seeing him like this is, in a way, even more breathtaking to Dazai. It means that after all these years of being so sick of each other's mere existence that Chuuya, his rival, his partner, trusts Dazai enough to shatter before him completely. Bringing Chuuya's hand up to his mouth, he lets his lips linger for a few moments as they wait for Chuuya's legs to regain feeling.

Once Chuuya is stable, he lets go of the shorter man’s waist and leads him with one hand, still petting his thumb across the freezing expanse of his hand.

Chuuya doesn’t know what his partner has been doing, or maybe he does. He can’t remember right now; he doesn’t want to. Wherever Dazai is taking him, it takes no longer than twenty seconds, but he feels like a stranger in his own home, wading through the thickest pool of molasses. He can see a straight hallway ahead of him, but it seems like an endless maze of twists and turns. One foot in front of the other, he tries to tell himself, but it’s hard to tell your feet what to do when you feel like a stranger in your own body to. He can feel his face growing wetter as they arrive at their destination. However, in a brief moment of relief, he realizes that they're not tears but steam.

For the time that he had disappeared past the threshold, Dazai had run Chuuya a hot bath and made him something simple to eat. Knowing all too well what feeling this way does to one’s motivation and desire. But honestly, the last thing Chuuya wants to do right now is to bathe. It’s far too much work, and he’d rather be back in the dark in the corner or under a blanket. Even if it meant he’d be alone with his stupid fucking thoughts.

“I know it seems like a chore, but it will help, Chuuya.” Dazai’s familiarity with the muddied waters of one’s own psyche was currently vastly irritating. Chuuya knows that he’s right. He does, but even then, it’s still too much for him to handle right now.

Dazai takes Chuuya’s other hand back in his own. “Do you want me to stay?”

“I– I don’t know.” His voice sounded better to Dazai, the steam probably settling in his throat.

“It’s okay not to know, but I can’t stay here with you if you don’t know.”

Chuuya snaps his head a little at that, shooting his partner an exhausted expression. Dazai gives a slight smile at the motion and gives the others' hands, still in his own, a reassuring squeeze. Perhaps it’s a little morally wrong given the circumstances, but he thinks that he could have a little, tiny bit of fun with this.

“Would you like my help?” He asks again, and Chuuya nods his head before practically collapsing into his arms.

Oh, it is absolutely morally wrong, but he can’t help himself, so he softly teases the man. “Such a gentleman! Flirting with me before we spend the night in each other's company!”

That earns a tired groan from Chuuya who is not willing to put up with Dazai’s usual jeering, but also not unexpected of the brunette to choose the completely wrong time to make his jokes.

“I’m sorry, my darling.” He uses the pet name, knowing he’ll be able to get away with it tonight since Chuuya is too tired to fight him. He runs his fingers through red strands, waiting for Chuuya’s breathing to even out in his hold before moving his hands down to the hem of his shirt. Deft fingers slip underneath and rub small circles into the skin there.

“Is this okay?” He whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

Upon receiving a satisfied hum of approval, he lifts Chuuya’s shirt over his head and drops it onto the counter. Staying out of your head is hard when you’re alone. Knowing Chuuya has already surmised his partners' intentions of distracting him, gently, Dazai pulls him back into his chest and runs his nails down his back. Chuuya’s skin was already freezing before, so he can’t tell if his goosebumps are from chills, or from him. He hopes it’s the latter. After a few seconds, his movements shift into steady pressure trying to work out the tension that Chuuya had cultivated. When he feels Chuuya fall further into him, Dazai is pleased with his work already.

“Chuuya,” he presses harder when he finds a particularly knotty spot at the base of Chuuya’s neck. “Unless you want to get in with your pants on, you’ll have to take them off.”

This earns Dazai a particularly unimpressed look when Chuuya pushes off his chest.

“What?”

Chuuya continues to stare.

“Did you want me to do it for you?”

Well, Chuuya supposes that Dazai can’t help the fact that he is an idiot. After all, he did promise to help. He rolls his eyes and lets out a particularly rumbly sigh, and drops his pants himself, kicking them to the side.

“So forward of you~” teases Dazai.

Turning towards the tub, Chuuya grumbles. “I hate you.”

Dazai grins again. Even if he still feels worse than shit, he’s glad to see Chuuya with a little bit of his fire again. “I know you do. Here, let me help.”

Holding onto Chuuya’s forearm, Dazai helps him settle into the bath. Chuuya resumes his form from earlier in the night, but much more open. His arms are propped on top of his knees, hands hanging down, and fingers just dipping into the water. Dropping his head in between his shoulders as the heat surrounds his aching body, blue eyes fall shut. Then, he releases a deep breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in. Dazai has his arm across the edge of the tub, resting his head with eyes full of admiration. With Chuuya completely bare in front of him, he traces the flow of his body with his eyes. Stopping often to archive all the little things he loves. Soft red hair that he can't help but play with. Shoulders that he's cried on. The gentleness of his otherwise blood-soaked hands. Even the scars littered across his skin, Dazai loves. They look much better on Chuuya than on him. He reaches out and just barely grazes the sides of Chuuya’s fingers above the water.

“What are you so happy about?”

Dazai hums in response, and Chuuya blows a ripple on the water. They spend a while like this—still, just next to each other, the only sound being an occasional jittery breath.

Dazai interrupts the silence by dipping his fingers into the water and letting the droplets roll off onto Chuuya’s shoulder.

“Feeling better?”

Chuuya wiggles his fingers in the water, trying to find an answer below the surface.

“C’mere, and turn around.”

Chuuya turns his head, resting it along his arm and staring the man down.Dazai can read it in his eyes: For what.

“You’re still tense. So come here.” He presses his finger on the edge of the tub. “I didn’t get to finish getting all the knots out.”

Dazai is not as good at hiding his intentions from Chuuya as he thinks he can be. “You just want to play with my hair.”

Dazai knows this. He feigns being insulted anyway, throwing his hands into the air. “And so what if I do? Is that a crime? Is it wrong of me to want t–”

“You’re real insufferable, y’know.” Chuuya turns his back to the side of the bathtub.

Dazai smiles sweetly. He likes that so much of their relationship can be left unsaid. Sure, sometimes it probably shouldn’t be unsaid, but it’s fine. Dazai is happy. “It’s why we work so well together.��

He gets to work on dissipating the rest of the fear and anger in Chuuya’s bones, occasionally and very intentionally, getting sidetracked and twirling a lock of hair around his fingers. At the mercy of Dazai's frighteningly deft hands, a particular spot just above Chuuya's shoulder blade earns Dazai a groan—one he oh so graciously accepts. Working lithe fingers around it, Chuuya leans his head back onto Dazai as the little ball of stress is pulled apart, strand by strand.

Chuuya's neck is deliciously bared, and Dazai is an opportunistic man. He trails kisses up to just below red lashes, slow and endearing. He continues massaging throughout, placing a final one on fluttering eyes before dragging his lips back down to Chuuya’s ear.

“The water’s getting cool, my love. You should really get out soon.” Dazai is very pleased with himself when Chuuya shudders. (He is an opportunistic man, after all, and it truly is such a wonderful opportunity to be the most annoying man on the planet.) He lets his mouth fall down to Chuuya’s shoulder, resting for a moment and trying very hard to hold back the biggest, dopiest grin. Of course, Chuuya can tell. He can sense the smallest shifts in Dazai's behaviour. Although, this time he could tell by just feeling Dazai's facial muscles straining against his shoulder. But Dazai doesn't need to know that.

"...Shut up. Get me a towel." Chuuya does a very bad job of hiding the blush on his cheeks.

Dazai just smiles at his partner, he can't see, but it's a smile full of fondness. One with admiration, love, and as much as he'd rather die than admit it, respect too. Letting someone see you have a complete breakdown, watching as the industrial strength glue you've used to keep yourself from falling apart rapidly starts to degrade, and still trusting that they won't think any differently of or diminish you, takes so much courage. It takes so much trust to rely on someone, even someone you love, to help you set the pieces back together.

That's something Dazai has never been able to do. He can't let go of that vulnerability, and he cannot have it used against him. Of course, deep down, Dazai knows that Chuuya would never do that to him, but it's hard to turn off those thoughts. It's hard to think of yourself as worth loving and caring for when you have never loved or cared for yourself.

"Hey, are you okay?" The smile on Dazai's face is forlorn. Realizing that Chuuya is reading him like a book Dazai masterfully shifts his expression, changing the atmosphere around him. This is not about him, and he shouldn't be making it so.

"I'm just peachy, Chibi!” Chuuya doesn't press any further.

Dazai wraps the towel around him, pulling at the ends to bring his partner closer. Taking a second to look over Chuuya, he notes that his eyes are no longer red and puffy, and his skin has a sheen from the moisture in the air. He truly is the most breathtaking person Dazai has ever had the displeasure of meeting.

With Chuuya at his chest, he leans down and kisses the man. It's needy, in a way. Soft and tender, but full of so much want, so much need. Like if he couldn't be close to Chuuya anymore, he would simply explode. Dazai doesn't know how to express it though. How he would articulate these thoughts in a way that feels right, so he settles for something simple. Maybe it's not as meaningful, but he trusts that Chuuya understands anyway.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #dazai x chuuya #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #chuuya x dazai #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #❀.writing #❀.drabbles

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