#she said ''i need to find a man to transition right now so we can have more karas'' 🤣😭 she was so great lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

greenboyfriend · 3 months

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choose something cold... (tarot card reading)

"what do you need to know?"

image 1: it's cold. I mean, really cold. but your blood is warm, even if your fingers are blue. where's your soul? image 2: a framed painting depicting a wintry landscape, complete with a log cabin, whose blue smoke trickles from its chimney and blends in with the world around it. image 3: three ornate glasses, made of ice. are those cracks intentional? or just by virtue of its design? image source not everything may resonate with you, and that's ok! take what does & leave the rest. don't force it.

1.・。.・゜✭

there’s an opportunity being presented to you. it may be a celebration of some kind, or just something that has a lot of excitement surrounding it. what i’m getting most of all is that this may be a chance to find freedom. with the seven of swords reversed, maybe you’re the type of person to handle your problems on your own, “lone wolf” style. there’s a million reasons why someone might do this, but for you, you’re afraid or distrusting in others. when you opened up in the past, maybe it didn’t end up so well for you, and this has made you keep things mostly to yourself. however, the four of wands reversed tells us that this lone wolf energy is blocking you from fully enjoying yourself. “freedom”, in this sense, is the freedom from yourself, or rather, your fear. in the original Rider-Waite-Smith deck, the seven of swords shows us a man with his arms full of swords, shirking off to his own devices. for you, these swords represent an unnecessary burden, being wary or even afraid of others to see your true colors/problems/ect. opening yourself back up again is a task much easier said than done, i know. but the 6 of cups shows us what this looks like, once fully realized. when we talk about our problems and emotions, we’re able to release and/or deal with them more easily. i’ve definitely been in the position of worrying endlessly about something, just to finally open up to someone, and realize that the answer was sitting in front of me all along. the six of cups represents this as having a “clean conscience.” being, you’ve released yourself from carrying a burden all alone, and have found freedom– the four of wands. finally, the king of cups reversed reminds you to have patience, and to be tolerant of others. not just one person can supply you with all the information or support you need.

(6 of cups, 7 of swords reversed, 4 of wands reversed, king of cups reversed)

2.・。.・゜✭

you’re in a period of transition, be that between attitudes or people. this change has you feeling down. maybe not emotionally destitute, but not in the best spot, either. as you wade through these waters, know that the queen of swords is by your side, and will lead you to better times. the queen of swords is someone with a good head on her shoulders, and will always tell the truth. she is very forthright, and doesn’t do any under-the-table dealings. she holds herself to these standards because of her past experiences, and knows that an honest, open approach will best suit her motives. you may embody the queen of swords already, and if you do, great! if you don’t, that’s ok, too. but it’s time to start really leaning into that kind of energy. don’t conceal the truth– both to yourself and others–, and let yourself have a laugh every once in a while! the thing about being experienced is that you know not to take everything so seriously. the queen of swords can see the big picture, and knows that, even if right now is tough, later will be much better. the place/person/vibe you’re coming from is represented by the knight of wands. i’m getting, cockiness– to the point where you/they were being presumptuous. this might also have had to do with someone being hot tempered, and restless, where they couldn’t handle being bored, so they’d decide to pick a fight. this energy is still here, but not necessarily causing harm just yet. what’s really impeding your path towards healing is the knight of cups. the knight of cups reversed is in direct opposition with the queen of swords, in the sense that he allows his emotions to take control of him, rather than accurately assessing the truth of his situation. he may let his imagination become overactive, and begin believing things that aren’t true. where the queen of swords faces all her dealings head on, the knight of cups may shade the truth, dance around the issue, or simply hope someone else will deal with it. he may also tend to isolate himself from others, which only worsens his imagination into spurring up unrealistic scenarios and focusing too much on his own “failings.” i’m thinking… you’re going to need to temper the knight of cups with the knight of wands. use that fiery, self confident energy to seek out the truth, rather than make assumptions. and, in turn, the knight of cups can help to deplete those feelings of restlessness through introspection. most importantly, keep your head level, and honor the truth above all.

(queen of swords, 6 of swords, knight of wands, knight of cups reversed)

3.・。.・゜✭

so… there’s a lot to unpack here, image 3! i’ll start with this, the energy of the queens of wands and of pentacles are important right now. the queen of wands seems to be especially important, urging you to work hard to maintain her optimism, confidence, and enthusiasm. this situation will require you to be a sort of “soft” leader for others, where you can be looked to for inspiration. if you’re able to serve as a role model through keeping your head up even when the going gets tough, and to do so with strength and vigor, it will not only help you and your purposes, but will also inspire those around you to do the same. the opportunity to embody this energy is not fully here yet, but once you hear the call, you’ll know it’s for you. strike the iron while it’s hot and give it your all! no time for dilly dallying. in being a leader (even if you’re not completely cognizant of it) you will have to temper your generosity with what you know to be true. so, for example, if someone is late to a meeting one time, you may give them the benefit of the doubt. but if they’re continuously late, some changes need to be made. this can also apply to other situations, where you will need to decide between your loyalties and what’s true & just. you may have already experienced scenarios like this in the past, so it will help you to call back to those times for foresight. doing what is fair may be difficult in the moment, but will lead to the best outcome. the queens come together here to guide you on your way. keep trying! you know that you’re resourceful, so don’t be afraid to try your hand at solving problems. it may also benefit you to remain down to earth during this time, and not to try to control what others think or say. at the end of the day, you are your own person, and what a wonderful person you are! finally, we arrive at the page of cups. i’m getting a very loving, forgiving energy from this card. it may benefit you to invite that energy into your life, both towards yourself and others. when a challenge faces you, or someone is less than nice, decide to turn away that anger with love. consider, what may compel them to act this way? maybe they’re going through something you don’t know about. it’s not that you need to nurture them back to good health, but realize that maybe, they’re just not worth your time, and a simple nod & turning of the cheek will do you both some good. most of all, listen to your intuition to tell you whether or not this argument/situation is really worth getting into.

(queen of wands, 8 of pentacles reversed, 8 of wands reversed, queen of pentacles, ace of swords, 3 of wands reversed, page of cups)

#tarot #tarotblr #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #tarot cards #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #pick an image #pac #spirituality #spiritual #witchblr

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quartzalynlove · 7 months

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Lean On Me

Pairing: hobie brown x fem reader

Summary: though you need a place to rest, you won't let yourself take it

A/N: ik we had a strong gojo streak (which is not over) but did you really think I could ever leave this man

Hobie noticed that you were acting strange. He knew you. He knew the giggly, starry-eyed girl who put up with his antics. He knew the dancer, the singer; the nerd he fell in love with. So...where did she go? You had your bad days, or even weeks, but Hobie never saw you withdraw like this.

On his bed, you sat wearing his hoodie while Hobie played God of War. Usually, you put yourself in the game with him, yelling at NPCs or pointing out ways to beat a difficult section. But that time you sat silently, only responding with "I don't know" when Hobie looked to you for guidance.

Eventually, Hobie put the game down and joined you on the bed. He noticed how your eyes lingered on him, but there was a sadness behind them he couldn't quite place.

There was just one thing you wanted from Hobie. It was a hard week, and all you wanted was to rest in his arms; to feel peace for one moment. But that was silly, right? It wasn't his job to give you comfort.

"What's goin' on, babe?" Hobie's voice brought you back to reality.

Your eyes scanned over his arms before meeting his eyes; you could see the concern behind them, but you mustered a smile to ease him.

"Nothing," you lied. "I'm fine."

A frown formed on Hobie’s face. You knew he was smarter than that, but it was worth a shot.

"Baby," you felt guilty hearing the concern in his voice. "You've been actin' different lately. If there's somethin' wrong, I wanna help. It worries me a bit when you just shut me out."

Looking away, you bit your lip. You didn't want Hobie to feel bad.

"I'm sorry...I don't mean to." You apologized

Hobie was quick to reassure you. "It's a'right, just...talk to me, if you want."

You were too tired to talk. All of your thoughts ran together in your head, and you just wanted a break. Catching a glimpse of Hobie in your peripheral vision, you turned your whole head away, digging into your palms as you clenched your fists. You were almost shaking as you spoke, but you took in a deep breath, dropping your shoulders.

"Can you hold me?" You asked slowly.

Hobie tilted his head curiously with a low hum. Not wanting to let a silence hang in the air with your vulnerable state, he kept the conversation going.

"Of course," he said without hesitation. "C'mere."

It took some work to be able to look back at Hobie, but he just sat next to you with open arms and a calm face. Still, for whatever reason, you felt stuck where you were. It wasn't the first time you and Hobie cuddled, so he was a bit confused about why you looked so nervous. Deciding to take it slow, Hobie held out one of his hands for you to take. Slowly, you transitioned from your spot on the bed and into Hobie's lap. A small smile formed on his face, but you kept yours hidden. As his hand softly rubbed along your thigh, you could feel shame taking you over once again.

"There you go," Hobie let a brief pause hang in the air. "Was this what had you all upset?"

After you didn't answer, Hobie brought his hand to cup your cheek, turning your face towards him. His touch set you on fire; it took everything in you not to give right into it.

"I've held you a hundred times before. You know there's no need to be shy."

You still couldn't look at Hobie, and he started to notice that you never relaxed in his arms.

"Y/N, if you don't want this," he started. "Tell me, plea—"

"No," You blurted out, wincing at your own outburst, "it's just," finding the words was difficult, but you guessed there was no option other than getting it out. "Can you comfort me? You don't have to, but—"

Now Hobie interrupted you. "Of course, I can do that, babe. Why wouldn't I?"

"It's...stupid." You replied quietly.

Hobie tilted your chin up so you'd look at him as he spoke.

"There's nothin' stupid about needin' comfort, babe. I just want you to be okay, and if I can make that happen, why wouldn't I help?"

You felt like you were about to cry. All your life, you never had someone care for you like this. It used to make you feel like a sobbing little kid, just wanting to fall in someone's arms and for them to tell you that they've got you. A few tears fell down your face, and Hobie finally realized that you must have never gotten this before.

His hands held either side of your face as his thumbs wiped your tears away, "oh, babe," he said softly. "Let me know how you want me to comfort you."

Sniffling as the tears finally slowed, you looked at Hobie, "Can I lay on your chest?" You asked.

Hobie nodded and the two of you laid down, you resting yourself on his firm chest. The steady sound of his heartbeat and his chest rising and falling with each breath lulled you into deep relaxation. All of the embarrassment you held before melted away. Hobie didn't think you were weak or give a brief, half-hearted comfort; he gave you a place to dwell and rest your spirit.

"Can I put my arms around you?" Hobie asked.

You nodded against him, answering softly. "Yeah."

Hobie brought one of his arms over your waist and the other across your stomach. He kissed your temple before looking at you with a smile.

"I'm proud of you, baby," he said. "For admittin' when you need comfort, and lettin' yourself accept it. You're very brave."

You froze at Hobie's sudden words, looking up at him with wide eyes before darting them away. Swiping his thumb across your stomach, Hobie kissed you again.

"I guess we'll work on praise."

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buterccup · 1 year

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Could you perhaps write trans!male reader getting some validation from the 141? Platonic or nah, I just need the validation because the transition is so far away from me it hurts :(((((((

I live for your writing and it helps with the gender affirmation

Of course! I understand how hard it can be with validation and dysphoria so I hope this helps you and thank you so much mate^-^

I may have added some things that happened to me too- I hope you don't mind!

He will always be accepted

Summary: You were having a hard time with your body and kept it to yourself for a while leaving your team unaware until they finally catch on and give you all the validation you deserve and assure you, even without having the operation yet that you are a man. And they will always see you as one and be there to support you.

Warnings: A little bit angsty, dysphoria, trans!Male reader, he/him pronouns, fluff, comfort at the end, short

Character(s): Task force 141 x Trans! Reader

FEM ALIGNED DNI

It was a normal day back at base, well as normal as it can be for the task force. Price was looking over some paperwork, and Ghost and Soap talking about something while Gaz was talking to you. Everyone seemed to be doing well. Apart from you.

The way you have been feeling has been going on for a while already but never told your boys about it. Not finding the right time to tell them. But at this point, they could all tell something was up with you. You were just silently nodding or letting out hums most of the time and when someone commented about your body, good or bad, you would just strain a smile and nod to whatever they said, maybe say an awkward 'Yeah..' or 'oh' here and there but not as much as you normally would.

Gaz would just give you a soft smile before looking back at the other guys, wondering if he should bring up why you were so quiet to be met with Price looking at him with a stern look that said 'Do it you numpty'

"So..." Gaz then started, the awkward dragging of the word making you focus on him, a soft and comforting look on his face as he leaned closer to you, "We started to notice that you weren't...acting yourself. You do know you can tell us anything."

That's when the room went quiet for a while, the shuffling of Price's papers and the moving of Ghost and Soap being the only sounds that could be heard. They were ready to listen to your every worry and insecurity.

And if you were going to be painfully honest it made you tear up. Of course, they always helped you whenever they could especially when it was because of dysphoria but it always made you feel so happy when they did listen to you.

"Well...it's just knowing how far the transition is away from right now is just making me feel..." You started as Price placed the paperwork down to listen to you properly. "It just made me feel like I wasn't enough like I wasn't doing enough. What I'm trying to say it that I feel hopeless..."

"Aw...mate, I can't imagine how hard it is for you right now." Gaz says as he places a hand on yours and rubbed it gently.

"Why don't you come over here real quick." Soap then said, beckoning you with his hand to come over to the couch next to him, Ghost and Price with Gaz. Which you didn't hesitate to do. You trusted him. You trusted all of them.

"I know things may be hard for you right now but remember, operation or no operation, you will always be a man to us. It will never stop us from calling you what you want to be called or how you want to be seen." Soap said, his voice overflowing with comfort and confidence in what he was saying as he placed his hands on your shoulders as Gaz sat down near by on a chair.

"If you take it this way," Ghost then starts making your glossy eyes look over to him, "If you saw Price for example, with a... bun-"

"A man bun??"

"Shut up, I'm making a point- As I was saying, if Price had a man bun, you would never call him she or her, not unless he told you specifically would you?" he then continued, not waiting for you to respond since he knew you. "Exactly, of course having the surgery will help you a lot but whatever body you have at the moment will never stop us from calling you what you want us to. And it will never stop you from who you want to be."

"Plus, we all know how strong you are kiddo, we know you can stay strong until then, and if not we can always have talks like this." Price's voice then said in a fatherly tone as he gave you a smile. "Don't forget how proud we are at how far you've gotten as well [name]." Gaz's voice then pops up, even if you weren't looking at him you could see the warm smile he had on his face.

All of their words felt as if they were giving you a massive bear hug but for your heart and you could help but cry. Even a little bit.

"Thanks...Thank you so much."

"Anytime [Name]."

Requests: Open

#trans positivity #trans male reader #transgender #ghost mw2 #mw2 141 #price mw2 #gaz mw2 #soap mw2 #mw2 fanfic #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #cod mw2 #gaz x reader #ghost x male reader #price x male reader #soap x male reader #gaz x male reader #mw2 x male reader #x male reader

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so-long-soldier-writes · 2 months

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Feeding 101

kai parker x reader

summary: damon was a great teacher during elena's transition, but he's less than helpful when kai escapes hell and needs to feed. luckily, you're there at the right place, right time, and offer to teach him, (much to damon's disapproval). | heretic!kai

tags: based on s08e13, mention of twilight, blood drinking, blood sharing, feelings, confessions, arguments, protective!damon but also protective!kai, mention of sex but no sexual content, almost kiss

word count: ~2.7k

You’re too busy texting to look where you’re going. A nervous text from Alaric; a warning, judging by his unusual use of the red exclamation + question mark emoji. You stumble to the bathroom to read it, wanting your reaction to be out of sights from the crowded diner. Mystic Falls has been a mess lately; no doubt it concerns the next big enemy.

But as you burst open the nearest door, you catch the sight of two bodies occupying. Right as you turn to leave, you realize it’s Damon by the sink.

“Oh, shit, sorry - wait, Damon?!”

This is an uncommon place to find him. Usually, he’d be at the Mystic Grill or the Scull Bar. Never at the rather unkempt small diner on the end of the street. You, however, go there often, whenever you need to escape wandering eyes and small-town chatter. Damon, often both the cause of the eyes and the chatter, enjoys being in the center of attention.

However, when you catch his gaze this time, his throat tightens in fear. “Y/N, out! Go!”

His urgency scares you. Your eyes bounce around the room for the threat, wondering what’s so imperative that you hurry on your way out the door.

You settle your attention on the figure beside him. Well, not one, but two.

One man slouched against the wall, diner apron still loosely around his waist. Another man is holding him up by his shoulders, feeding on his neck.

You startle at the sight, not expecting it.

“Get out, Y/N!”

The man feeding is too caught up in his gig to notice your presence, but you soon start to recognize his shoulders.

You stop, feet planted into the cement; fear becoming curiosity. “Is that Kai?”

“No!”

At the same time, the man in question lets the diner cook slump to the ground. He turns to Damon, unsuccessfully wiping blood off his face. “So that was-” he finally sees you, “hey, I remember you.”

“She’s leaving,” Damon answers. “Y/N, go!”

“Y/N, that was it!”

You’re having trouble tearing your eyes from his face. Jesus Christ, he’s a messy eater.

“Is this the big emergency Ric texted me about?!”

Damon shrugs, “probably.”

“As much as I love talking about Ric, I need to feed on more than just this big guy. I’ve been in hell for a long time, Damon, and-”

“I know! You’re hungry; I get it. We’re having a little problem right now of finding people that you can eat. It’s not like there’s a line outside of willing participants.”

You swallow hard.

Kai’s always made you feel a type of way you couldn’t explore. His bloodstained lips and teeth multiply that feeling tenfold, reminding you why you came to Mystic Falls in the first place. Vampires, witches, werewolves. You started out as a Twilight enthusiast looking for adventure, attending Whitmore College, but then became a valuable asset to the team.

God, if Kai ever knew how hard it was for Elena to keep you away from him, you’d probably die inside. You fell for him hard. And now, staring at him in his full transition, you can already feel those tingles returning.

“What are you guys doing?” You ask, genuinely curious.

“Kai here says he can bring back Elena, but he needs to be strong enough to do the spell.”

Ah. You shift your feet nervously. Even despite what he did to your best friend, you can’t help your desire for him. “So you need to go,” Damon continues, “and not be a witness anymore, and we need to go find more bad people.”

“Why only bad people?”

“So that Damon doesn’t feel guilty for eating good ones,” Kai answers, to which Damon gives him a distasteful smile.

“And, because like I said, you don’t exactly have anybody willing to be fed on, especially not by you. So we have to get a move on it if we’re to reverse this spell quickly, before Cade gets his hands on you.”

“Cade?”

“He’s coming for me, because I escaped Hell.” He glances down at the diner cook again, wondering if any of his blood is still fresh for a second round. “I really don’t want to go back there, to Hell, and every time I feed, I can feel myself getting stronger, so that’s great, in case I need to fight him.” Kai takes in the sight of you one last time before tearing his lust-filled eyes away. “So if we can find more people-”

“Feed on me.”

“What?”

“What?!” Damon repeats Kai’s question, but with extra dismay.

“You need to feed, but are having trouble selecting people. I’m a willing participant; feed on me.”

“Yeah, that’s a no.”

“C’mon, Damon, you want Elena back, and so do I, and I don’t know… I trust Kai won’t kill me.”

“Y/N, do you not see the dead guy slumped on the floor?”

“Yeah but Kai knows me. You both do. I’m not some villain, or some unimportant cook.”

“That man was very important,” Damon fakes, “he was doing his job, serving burgers-”

“He was forcing his hand on an underage girl,” Kai interrupts, “that’s why we picked him.”

“See? Eating people with a good cause. C’mon, Kai, I trust you. Just heal me back up when you’re done. Has Damon taught you how to do that yet?”

“No.”

“Okay, then I will.” You shrug off your coat, exposing your neck. “Come here. Pierce this vein,” you point, “and drink from it.”

“No!” Damon lunges for Kai when he steps closer to you. “Y/N, this is insane!”

“It’s fine! You’re being dramatic!”

“You’re being under-dramatic!”

“That’s not a thing.”

“It certainly is!”

“He isn’t going to drain me, I’m just giving him enough to make him stronger. You want Elena back, right? So do I. Kai, drink.”

The vampire steps closer, flicking his tongue against your neck. When your knees buckle at the sensation, he grabs your waist to hold you up.

“You okay?”

“Mhm. Go ahead.”

Damon can only watch as Kai follows your instruction, biting down carefully into your jugular vein and beginning to suck. He was never so careful with his previous victims, and would let himself tear messily into their skin before finding his latch. Blood would stream down their neck and his chin, staining them both. You showing him where to latch makes his bite a lot cleaner. Instead of worrying about hurting you, he can focus his attention on keeping you upright.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Damon asks, also noticing your weak knees.

“Mhm- yes.” You grab onto Kai for support. He pulls off to look at you, but latches back on when you nod the consent to continue.

“Doesn’t look like that from here.”

“It’s just… intense. I’m okay.”

After a minute or two, your skin pales. Your body is weakening under Kai’s strong grip, and he realizes quickly, detaching his teeth from your neck.

“Hey, what do I-”

“Bite here,” you point to his own wrist, “feed me your blood to heal me.”

“Bite here,” he repeats, situating his teeth on himself. He bites, then it bleeds. “Like Damon’s done?”

“Exactly.”

“Okay.” He pushes his wrist up to your mouth, almost force-feeding you. You would’ve grabbed onto his wrist and fed yourself, but the way Kai does it, like he’s desperate for you to heal, makes you wonder if he could really feel that way.

Within seconds, you start to feel like yourself again. The color returns to your face, and you get a little of your strength back. Most of it is turned to mush at the fact that he fed from you - he literally fucking fed from you; your heart is racing - but not all of your weakened state is due to overwhelming feelings.

“Are you okay?”

“Mh- yes.”

“Are you sure?” Damon overrides, coming up behind you.

“I’m good. Fuck,” you’re still trying to catch your breath, exhilaration coursing through you, “felt good.”

“Well it isn’t supposed to feel good,” the elder vampire comments.

“I, um, I just meant… the healing part of it did. Felt good to have my strength back.”

“Mhm, sure.”

“I didn’t hurt you?” Kai asks, head tilted.

“No, you didn’t. You’re okay.” He smiles, then brushes a loose hair from your face. You have a suddenly overwhelming urge to kiss him, but doubt Damon would like that very much. Instead, you point towards the sink, then at his bloodstained mouth. “Let me clean you up, okay? Can’t go anywhere with dead line cook all over your face.”

Kai takes a step back to let you reach the sink, while Damon tries not to be dumbfounded at how okay you are with this whole situation.

You wet a paper towel and add a teensy bit of hand soap, then beckon Kai forward.

“Thanks for teaching me how to feed properly,” he says, watching the first bit of blood wash down the drain.

“Of course. I don’t know why Damon didn’t-”

“-because that’s not my job, Y/N. And it wasn’t yours, either.”

“Still. There’s a huge bloodstain on the wall now, and that one certainly isn’t my problem.”

“We’ll just leave it for the cleaning lady. Put an ‘Out of Order’ sign on the door.”

“Nice,” you reply dryly.

“Hey, while I was feeding,” Kai says suddenly, “I felt this rush go through your body that I hadn’t tasted before. Is that normal?”

Damon’s heart drops to his toes. “It was fear,” he tries to say. He knows you had a crush seven years ago, and Kai does not need to learn about it now.

“I’m asking Y/N.”

“I, um… yeah, I mean, normal sometimes. Blood sharing can be really personal, so since you weren’t feeding to kill, it’s not…” you glance over to Damon, who’s making gestures of cutting off a head to make you stop talking, “it’s, uh, normal.”

“It’s personal? Like how?”

Damon’s eyes roll all the way to space. He slaps a hand to his forehead.

“Um, like… well… that level of trust that I put in you, coupled again, with the fact that you weren’t feeding to kill. Sometimes it can stir up, uh, feelings.”

“Feelings?”

“Oohkay, Y/N, you’ve done enough!”

“I don’t know how to explain it!”

“Blood sharing is personal because you’re feeding off one another in a really intimate way, sometimes more intimate than sex. Now, Kai, another important thing you’re gonna learn about being a vampire is compulsion. Compel her to forget this ever happened.”

“What?” You step back in surprise, “no!”

“Come on, Y/N, it’s for your safety. He doesn’t have any feelings anyway.”

“No! Damon-”

“For the record, I feel things sometimes. Remember - hello - merge with Luke? And before that, I could feel, I just didn’t know what I was feeling.”

“Neat. Great. Compel her anyway.”

“Damon!”

“No! She doesn’t want it. I’m not gonna force something on her that she doesn’t want.”

“I bet this guy didn’t want to die, did you think about that?”

“That’s different. She’s different. She matters.”

“Oh, great.”

“You just said blood sharing is really intimate, so why would I compel her when she doesn’t want it when we practically just had sex?”

“That is not what I said!”

“It is, too!”

Damon sighs, “you compel her because it’s for her own good! Because she should never be caught doing anything with the likes of you. You’re only gonna get her killed.”

“I didn’t get her killed just a minute ago when I was feeding on her.”

“Because she showed you how! Otherwise, you would’ve just ripped into her neck like this other guy here.”

“No, I wouldn’t have fed on her at all if she didn’t teach me, because I’ve never wanted to hurt her.”

Damon throws up his hands. “God! Kai, why?!”

“Oh, is it suddenly bad that I care about someone?! I thought that’s all you ever wanted from me. And now I do, and I’m the bad guy again?”

“You were never the good guy, I-”

“Okay, just stop it!” You interrupt, putting hands between the men. “This is ridiculous.”

“His apparent, sudden feelings for you are ridiculous!”

“I’ve had a crush on her since the day I merged with Luke,” he blurts out.

“What?” You and Damon say in unison, both now looking at him.

He sighs. “You were there for Bonnie’s birthday and helped us all send a message to her. But after my sister stabbed me and Damon healed me with his blood, you were the one that cleaned me up and made sure I was okay. I always thought you were cute, but from that day on, I don’t know, I just felt something.” He looks down, embarrassed. “I never said anything because I’m, well, me, and you’re you - this super sweet and gentle and caring person, and I would be nothing but wrong for you. And the only reason I agreed to feed on you today was because I am really hungry, and your blood smells just so good, and you were willing to teach me how to do it without hurting you.” He pauses, “I’m sorry for lying to you, and I’m sorry for causing such a big fight, and for letting this get out, but that’s the truth.”

“You had a crush on me,” you say, not really as a question. Kai looks up, unable to read your tone, hoping your face gives you away. He expects mocking, certainly not the excitement you seem to have instead.

“Yeah.”

“Damon,” you turn suddenly, “did you hear that?”

“Yep, all three times, Y/N.”

You turn back to Kai, expression unreadable. “For the record-”

“Y/N, don’t-” Damon attempts.

You ignore, “I’ve always had a crush on you, too.”

A smile tugs at the edge of his lips. “You have?”

“Even before the merge, I liked you, but then after it, watching you navigate the world, I couldn’t help but fall head over heels. I wanted to help you through it more but somebody…” you glance at Damon, “held me back.”

“For good reason-”

You interrupt him again. “But yes, Kai, I like you.”

“Even as a heretic?”

“You think I’d let just anyone feed on me? Let alone a baby vamp who I literally just watched rip open another guy’s neck?”

He smiles. “Got it.”

“If anything, it was hot.”

“Y/N-”

“You learning control on me was hot, too, but that display of near-rabid vampirism was also super hot.”

“Y/N-” Damon warns again, not liking the direction of the conversation.

“And yeah, I wouldn’t share my blood with just anyone. So, yes, Kai, I think it’s safe to say I like you even as a heretic.”

Kai’s hand finds its way to the side of your face. An overwhelming urge to kiss you settles in his bones.

“Nope-” Damon speeds forward to separate you. “You can talk about your weird, gross, feelings, but we aren’t going any further with them today.”

“Alright, alright.”

“Damon,” you warn, not liking the grip he has on Kai’s shirt. “Easy.”

“Oh, he’s fine. He’s a big, strong heretic now, right?” He pushes him hard into the wall.

Kai groans, pain coursing through his body for a mere second before any bruises heal themselves.

“Damon!” You come to his side. “Let go.” Luckily, he does. Kai makes another, lower groan as his body is released from the man’s clutches. You try to not let it go to your head. “Can we just… go do whatever it is you were doing earlier now? This guy is starting to smell.”

Damon looks at him, then at the two of you. “Fine, whatever. Y/N, I’m assuming I can’t shake you off?”

“Nope.”

“Alright. Then let’s go make enemies out of my friends.” You tilt your head in confusion.

“Bonnie, who’s helping Kai get out permanently. Alaric, with… Alaric in general. Elena, when we wake her, for letting her realize I failed to keep you two apart like she tried so hard to do. Matt-”

“We get it.”

“Good. Then let’s go.”

#malachai parker x reader #kai parker x reader #tvd fanfiction #kai parker oneshot #this is 2/2 things i wanted to post today!#hopefully my writer's block is over with and life will chill out bc ugh #i hate not being able to write and post #anyway the world needs more heretic kai fics i need him to bite me

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sixhours · 1 month

Text

One Day at a Time - Chapter 6 - Transition

Author's note: Good news! The rest of this will probably be posted today, with the exception of an epilogue I haven't had the guts to write. When I do, it will be posted as a separate work, and it's not necessary to wrap up this story. Thank you for reading! Your comments and reblogs are feeding me. <3

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | Complete

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Joel Miller x f!OFC, Joel & Ellie, mostly follows canon, SMUT, gratuitous smut, dubious consent (drunk sex), unplanned pregnancy, fluff, references to past miscarriages, angst, hurt/comfort, romance, age gap (~21 years), childbirth, fluffy baby stuff, I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

~*~

After weeks of sleeping on the narrow, lumpy mattress in Ellie’s old room, his back finally gives out.

He’s reaching for the coffee pot and something about how he moves his shoulder causes a domino effect of rippling pain that starts at the nape of his neck and ends by setting his sciatic nerve on fire, every muscle along his spine locking up tighter than a fist.

He barely makes it to the couch, easing himself down to a prone position with a groan that he hopes Charlie can’t hear from the bedroom.

Her footsteps echo on the stairs.

No such luck.

“Did someone just die down here?”

“M’fine,” he mutters through gritted teeth. “Just my back.”

“What happened?“

Ellie chooses that moment to come through the front door. “Joel? I need a–”

“He’s on the couch. Think his back gave out,” Charlie says, now standing over him, looking concerned.

Ellie’s face pokes over the back of the couch. “Again, old man?”

“M’fine,” he repeats, trying to roll to his side to try to stand, but that only aggravates the nerve and sends a ripple of spasms up his traitorous spine. “Fuck!”

“Should I go find Maria?” Ellie asks. “Those pills she had worked last time–”

“No, I just…need to rest for a minute,” he grumbles, knowing full well he’s out of commission until someone finds him a muscle relaxant.

“Is he always like this?” Charlie asks.

“Pretty much,” Ellie says, too quickly for Joel’s liking.

“I’ll go find Maria,” Charlie says, surprising them both when she takes Joel’s hand and gives it a tender squeeze. Ellie’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Make sure he doesn’t hurt himself again. I’ll be back,” she addresses Ellie before heading out the door.

When Charlie is gone, Ellie plops into the armchair and leans forward, an almost predatory smirk on her face.

“So…is she your girlfriend yet?”

“S’not like–”

“If you say ‘it’s not like that’ one more time, I’ll take the damn pills myself,” she says.

Joel groans. “Do we have to do this now?”

“Got ya right where I want ya,” she says. “Spill it, dude.”

“No, we’re not…I don’t…I dunno,” he grumbles.

“You ‘don’t know?’”

“S’what I said,” he grits his teeth against another wave of pain, forcing himself to lie absolutely still. “It’s complicated.”

Ellie rolls her eyes. “That’s just what grown-ups say when they don’t want to tell you the truth.”

He winces. “Yeah. Well, the truth is…it’s complicated.”

She sighs. “Are you sleeping together?”

“That’s none of your–”

“Just saying, if you’re fucking her, she’s probably your girlfriend. So it’s not that complicated.”

“Ellie, I’m not havin’ this conversation,” he growls, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Well, you should probably figure it out before the baby gets here.”

He can’t argue with that, so he doesn’t.

“It’s gonna be weird…having a baby around,” she says thoughtfully. “Remember how bad Tommy was after Izzy was born? When he kept putting Maria’s breastmilk in his coffee by accident?”

Joel snorts. “Yeah. I remember.”

“You’re gonna be busy,” she says. “Babies are a lot of work.”

Even in his pain, he picks up on the unspoken question in her voice. He softens. He wants to sit up so he can look at her, but his back protests. Instead, he reaches blindly for her hand.

“C’mere.”

There’s a reluctant pause, and then she’s standing beside him, slipping her fingers into his.

“I know I haven’t been, uh…great…lately. M’sorry.”

She shrugs, biting at her lower lip.

“Truth is…I was just gettin’ used to the idea of bein’ your dad, and now with the baby…”

He takes a deep, shaky breath.

“It’s a lot. An’ I know it’s prob’ly a lot for you, too.”

Her voice is too light, like she’s trying to cover something up. “You’ll have a real kid soon.”

He frowns and gives her an experimental pinch between her thumb and index finger. “Dunno. You feel pretty real to me.”

“You know what I mean,” she says softly, and he feels it in his heart, a twinge more powerful than any back spasm. He grips her fingers tighter.

“It’ll be different for a while…and yeah, I’m not gonna get much sleep. Prob’ly be…distracted. But it’s still you and me, kid,” he says. “An’ I’m always gonna be here.”

His back takes that moment to seize up again and he hisses. “Shit, sorry.”

She sighs, but there’s a smile in it. “At this rate, you’re always gonna be here on the couch .”

“What’d you need, anyway?” he groans, trying to change the subject.

“Oh, a hammer.”

“What for?”

“Cat found me this new poster, was gonna hang it in my room.”

“There’s one in my toolbox; s’by the door,” he says. “Just put it back when you’re done.”

She narrows her eyes. “You’re not gonna hurt yourself again, are you? Your girlfriend’ll have my ass.”

His answering glare has no effect and she leaves him, laughing.

Charlie returns with the pills a few minutes later, and he swallows two of them eagerly before she can fetch a glass of water. Then he hears her rummaging around up in the bedroom. She comes back with a heating pad.

“Found it at the post,” she explains. “Your kid is killing my hips. Lift up.”

Your kid.

He frowns. “I don’t need—“

“Spare me,” she sighs. “Lift up.”

So he does, still grumbling, and she slides the pad under his lower back and plugs the cord into the wall. It’s instantly warm, oozing heat up his spine, and the muscles slowly start to unwind. He can’t hold back a groan of relief.

“It’s the bed, isn’t it?” she sighs, easing herself into the armchair.

“No,” he says too quickly. “Strained it at work. Tommy’s got us workin’ doubles to get the new barns up.”

“Uh-huh. Maybe you should consider moving back into your room.”

“Not kickin’ you out,” he scoffs.

“I’d stay there, too.”

He side-eyes her. “No playin’ house, remember?”

“I think we might have crossed that line already,” she murmurs, quirking her lips.

Then she’s up and doing something in the kitchen, and Joel tries to focus on letting the heat work its magic. He knows the muscle relaxant has kicked in when he can roll over slightly and it doesn’t make his back seize. He tries to sit up, but Charlie is instantly at his side, holding him down by the shoulders.

“Gotta work,” he mutters weakly.

“Nuh-uh. I already told Tommy you’re out of commission,” she says.

“The hell’d you do–”

“You’re not good at letting people take care of you, are you?”

He grunts. “Says you .”

“Yeah, we have that in common. Not so much fun on the other side, huh?” she murmurs.

She plunks down a mug of coffee, a glass of juice, and a plate of eggs and toast on the table next to him, then puts a DVD in the player and hands him the remote.

“Stay,” she commands. “I’m at the post all day, but I’ll bring you lunch on my break. You’d better be horizontal when I get back.”

He wants to complain, but the pills have made him slow, and she’s out the door before he can think of a response.

The coffee is black and strong, just the way he likes it. The juice is awful–it’s green, some combination of things from the garden–but he chokes it down anyway, thinking of Sarah and her vitamins.

And then he passes out because he forgot that taking muscle relaxants on an empty stomach will do that. He wakes a few hours later, mouth dry and tasting of that awful juice, to find a paper bag and a note from Charlie have replaced the food and drinks on the table.

It’s a sandwich. Take another dose if you need it. I’ll be home by 6.

He’s pleasantly surprised to find he can sit up. Sure, the noise he makes in the process is unflattering, and he’s not going to be doing cartwheels anytime soon, but it’s an improvement.

This time, he eats the sandwich before he takes the second dose and manages to stay awake until Charlie gets home, but his head swims and he barely makes it halfway through their nightly movie. He wakes to her tugging gently on his hand.

“Come to bed.”

He’s too tired to protest. He lets her lead him to his bedroom, lets her pull back the covers and tuck him into bed, lets her wrap her body around his.

“You just wanna take advantage of me,” he slurs lightly into her hair.

She snorts a laugh. “Yes, Joel. This was my grand plan. For you to knock me up and throw your back out so I could keep you as my sex slave.”

“Mmmff. Knew it.”

“Go to sleep, old man,” she murmurs, nuzzling into his chest until he can feel her smile against his skin.

~*~

Sometimes Charlie is so distant, it’s like she isn’t there at all. She stares into space and he has to say her name four or five times before she hears him. Sometimes he has to physically touch her to bring her back, and then she looks at him as though he’s a stranger.

After the second or third time, he recognizes it as the disassociation of grief. He lost days of his life after Sarah was taken from him, days where he existed in body only, when Tess or Tommy would have to pull him back from the edge of a deep, dark pit. He’d wake up unable to remember how he’d gotten to bed or find himself in the middle of a fight with no idea how he’d gotten there. It might have scared him if he thought he had something to lose.

Those are the nights she needs him.

He knows he should turn her away. He knows he’s using her as much as she’s using him. But she comes alive when they’re together, and he tells himself it helps, and maybe it does.

He takes half as many showers.

Tonight, she arches back into him as he thrusts into her on her side from behind, curled around her body, heady with the feeling of being surrounded by her, all soft skin and warmth. She’s murmuring into his palm, slicking her tongue around his fingers, sucking them into her wet mouth and humming. His other hand rubs flutter-like circles against her clit the way he knows she likes.

She’s three orgasms deep and still hungry, panting and pleading, more, there, so close, please .

And then she comes hard, clenching around him and wrenching a hoarse name from her throat.

Not his name.

It barely registers until she’s scrambling away to sit at the edge of the bed, still trembling from the aftershocks, pulling the sheet across her naked chest.

“Shit, shit, shit, I’m sorry,” she gasps.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he soothes, reaching out to pull her back against him, but she jerks away from his touch.

“Fuck,” she grits out, followed by a low, keening sob. “Shit. Fuck.”

Some part of him has always known; the way her eyes clamp shut at the critical moment, the way she positions him and guides him and takes and takes and takes, the way she asks to forget, to pretend. Joel knows it’s foolish to think she needed him and not just the idea of him: a warm body, a working cock and fingers and tongue.

“Charlie, it’s–”

Her muffled sob cracks something in his heart. Then she’s locking herself in the bathroom before he can find his feet.

Shit.

He gets out of bed and pulls on his boxers, goes to the closed door. “Charlie?”

“Go away.”

He rolls his eyes. “Dammit, I’m not…mad.”

Silence.

“I don’t care if you…if you need…if you…fuck,” he hisses. “Just talk t’me.”

Her voice is so faint it barely registers. “I can’t.”

“Okay, you don’t have to, but…can you at least open the door?”

“No.”

He makes a fist against the wall, gritting his teeth. Without a better idea, he turns and slides down the wall, pressing his back to the door.

I’m here , he thinks helplessly. Just tell me what to do.

Silence. And then…rustling, a soft grunt, until they’re back-to-back with the door between them. He hears the hitch of another muffled sob.

“I always…thought it would be him,” she whispers finally, voice thick. “That we’d do this together.”

He feels a familiar shameful flush. What can he say?

I’m sorry it happened the wrong way, at the wrong time, with the wrong person.

I’m sorry I’m not him.

But he’s not sorry at all. He’s a selfish asshole, so he doesn’t say anything.

“We wanted this so much. And sometimes it feels like a…a betrayal. Like I’m moving on…forgetting him.”

He swallows hard, thinking of Sarah, wondering if he might hold this child in his arms and feel that same gnawing guilt, like he doesn’t deserve to be whole again.

“I think he’d want you to be happy,” Joel says softly.

“I tell myself that, I do…but I don’t think I believe it. I don’t–”

More silence. He shifts his weight. The floor is cold and hard, digging into his ass. It can’t be good for her back.

“When we…started…you said…you needed to pretend,” he tries, tipping his head back against the door and closing his eyes. “I knew that goin’ into this. Knew I wasn’t, uh…I’m not–”

“I thought…I wanted…I don’t know,” she hiccups. “I don’t know anymore.”

“We…you don’t need to—”

“It hurts,” she grates out. “It h-hurts and I miss him and it’s not f-f-fucking fair.”

It’s not fucking fair .

What else is there to say?

“I know,” he whispers roughly. “I know.”

They sit like that until his ass is numb and her silence is too unnerving to bear.

“Come back to bed,” he says, defeated and not expecting her to answer. “Please.”

There’s a watery sigh on the other side of the door. Then he hears her moving, the slightest groan as she gets to her feet, and he eases himself off the floor. The door opens. She’s wrapped in a robe, one hand cradling her belly under the terrycloth, the bedsheet pooled at her feet.

Her eyes meet his, red-rimmed and hollow. He cups the back of her neck and pulls her into an embrace.

“S’alright,” he whispers when her tears wet his chest and she shudders against him. He sways like he used to when Sarah was little, rocking her back and forth until she quiets.

“Oh!”

She jumps suddenly, startling in his arms, a soft gasp escaping her lips. Swiping at her eyes, she grabs his hand, guiding it down her body until it’s resting just below her belly button. Her skin is warm and taut and smooth.

“What—“

Then he feels it, the tapping against his fingers, some tiny arm or elbow or foot poking at him from under her skin. She laughs through tears as the insistent little being seems to dance under their hands.

“Never been this strong before,” she whispers thickly.

Joel doesn’t trust himself to speak, pride warring with sadness in his chest. They stay like that for a long time, his hand on her stomach, new life roiling beneath his palm.

~*~

The baby should be able to hear them now, so at night, he reads out loud from a tattered copy of The Fellowship of the Ring , sitting up in their shared bed with a pair of reading glasses perched on his nose. The reading was his idea, the choice of material was hers.

One hand holds the book, the other rests on Charlie’s stomach. She says she likes the sound of his voice, but most of the time, she’s asleep before he gets to the third page. At this rate, the kid will be twenty before they finish the first book in the trilogy.

Tonight, the baby–Coconut, he thinks–is particularly active, rolling and kicking against his hand. A particularly hard jab causes Charlie to jump, hissing a soft ouch under her breath, and he puts the book aside.

“Hey, kid, settle down,” he says, rubbing at the squirming lump. “Let your mama sleep.”

This earns him another pointed jab; the kid is all attitude.

“Mmm,” Charlie mutters. “I know what’d help me sleep.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmmhmm,” she stretches, arching her back, and he can see the outline of one dark nipple through her bra.

“Again?” he murmurs, sliding a hand up to cup her breast and rolling it gently through the fabric. “Already?”

She sighs at the contact. “Mmm. Please?”

He tosses his glasses on the nightstand, more than happy to abandon the book, and curls around her, nuzzling her neck. “‘Fraid I’m not going to be much help with, uh…y’know.”

Not for the first time, he wishes he was about fifteen years younger. Even then, he’s not sure he could keep up with her. He wonders if she was always like this, or if it’s the pregnancy. He wonders if he’ll get to find out.

They don’t talk about this, or what will happen after the baby comes. They go to her midwife appointments together and Joel grinds his teeth through every second, but he stays by her side. Sometimes she holds his hand, and when she kisses him, she does so with the full force of her being. But just like the baby, their relationship doesn’t have a name.

She guides his hand between her legs, under her panties, finding her slick and swollen. She gives a contented little hum of pleasure when his finger traces her seam. “I’m sure you can figure something out.”

He huffs a breath into her nape, kisses the spot where the soft, downy hairs tickle against his nose, and strokes her the way she likes, circling and tapping until she’s arching against him. She comes almost immediately, fluttering and pulsing against his fingertips. A little one.

“More?” he murmurs, gentling his touch as her breathing calms.

“Mmhm, please.”

Her clit is a hard, slick little pebble under his fingers. He draws her orgasm from her more slowly this time, teasing, building her up until her climax is a growl sprung from the depths of her throat and her thighs clench his hand in a vise. He cups her sex gently and trails kisses along her neck, her throat, her shoulder as she rides it out, whispers into the shell of her ear, “More?”

Charlie reaches back and threads her fingers into his hair in answer, pulling him tighter against her, and he breathes her in, sweat and soap and something uniquely her. It drives him crazy, makes him feel feral and protective and alive. She turns her head, seeking his mouth, and he obliges, tongue parting her lips and tasting her as she hums and shivers and writhes against his hand, don’t stop please don’t please don’t stop .

“I got you,” he murmurs against her lips in between kisses, fingers circling and circling until his wrist aches. He can feel the baby roll and kick under his forearm, feels her fingers gripping him there. He loves watching her like this, loves the way her back arches and jaw goes slack with pleasure, the sounds she makes when she comes.

And then she does, coming undone in his arms with a throaty moan, shuddering and keening in a way that makes his cock twitch.

“Better?” he murmurs, finally pulling his hand away and groping for the blanket they’d tossed aside.

“Much,” she sighs, relinquishing herself to his warmth. “You sure you don’t want me to…”

“M’fine,” he says, wrapping an arm around her belly, which has gone mostly still. “Kid calmed down.”

“Yeah. S’the hormones,” she murmurs drowsily. “Oxytocin.”

“They can feel that, huh?”

“Mmhm,” she says. “They can feel everything.”

“...everything?”

“Don’t make it weird,” she murmurs, and he can feel her smirking against his arm. “Read to us?”

Us . They’re slowly bending all the rules, he thinks.

He groans. “Thought you were goin’ to sleep.”

“I am, but I like your voice.”

“Uh huh. Damnit, lost my place,” he grumbles, grabbing for the hefty paperback. “Never find it again, damn book is six-thousand pages long. Thought this’d have dragons, so far they’re just describing’ stuff and yackin’.”

“It’s Tolkien,” she yawns. “It’s a classic.”

“Buncha elves and gnomes and shit,” he mutters. “This Dildo Baggins character sounds like a porn star.”

“They’re hobbits,” Charlie laughs and pokes him in the thigh. “And it’s ‘Bilbo’, you grouch.”

He squints. “Right, need my glasses. Tiny print.”

Charlie snickers, something about old eyes , and burrows deeper into the covers as he finally finds his reading glasses and his place.

He doesn’t make it two pages before he hears her snore.

~*~

They’ve kept up the movie night routine even though there’s no good reason for Charlie to stay off her feet. They’ve rented the last of the action flicks from the library, so now they’re working through television shows and sitcoms. Some unlucky soul from the time before left behind a sizeable collection of M*A*S*H episodes on tape, so Charlie often falls asleep to the sounds of Hawkeye’s sarcastic drawl.

They’re on the couch in their usual spots, her with a bowl of homemade strawberry ice cream perched on her belly, him with a beer. The ice cream is the only thing she craves–strawberry preserves mixed with cream and sugar, then frozen and scooped into a bowl. Joel makes a new batch every other night before they go to bed. They’re going through Maria’s summer preserves like crazy, and he’ll be doing work on the community greenhouses for the rest of his fucking life at this rate.

But it’s worth it, he thinks, as she takes another bite of the rich, creamy concoction, licking the spoon clean with her strawberry-pink tongue. She’s a fucking distraction. The laugh track is going off in the background, but with every bite, her eyes roll back and her lashes flutter, and he wants to take that spoon out of her mouth and–

He adjusts himself, forces his eyes back to the screen, takes another sip of his beer. Jesus .

A few minutes later the bowl is licked clean, and a well-placed kick from the baby sends it rocking, tumbling into her lap.

“Apparently we demand more,” Charlie laughs.

“Kid’s gonna come out lookin’ like a strawberry,” Joel mutters.

She smiles. “Baby wants what it wants.”

The phrase triggers a memory, and he chuckles. “With Sarah, it was mangoes.”

Sarah’s mom, sitting at the kitchen table in their tiny one-bedroom, devouring the fruit straight from the rind, sticky juice coating her fingers, running down her chin.

Baby wants what it wants , she’d said, and then he’d kissed her, lips syrupy sweet.

He doesn’t remember if he loved her–there was no room for love to grow, really. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough maturity between the two of them. But they’d made Sarah, and he’d loved his baby girl enough to make up for the rest.

“Who’s Sarah?”

Charlie snaps him out of his reverie. She’s looking at him curiously.

Oh.

He reaches for the remote, pausing the show, and the silence around them has weight, he can feel it pressing against his chest. He coughs, clears his throat, tries to figure out how to start.

“She was, uh…my daughter. Before.”

She blinks at him, wide-eyed, her question a small, breathless whisper. “You had a daughter?”

He ducks his head. “Yeah. She, uh…was killed on Outbreak Day. She’d be about your age now. Little younger, I guess.”

Her eyes are so bright, they almost glow.

“Her mom…my ex…liked mangoes,” he explains. “When she was pregnant. Couldn’t keep enough of ‘em in the house.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Didn’t know you liked mangoes,” he says weakly, trying for a joke. She doesn’t smile.

He takes a deep breath, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t tryin’ to hide it. It never felt like a good time, and it’s…I didn’t want you to feel like I was…replacin’ something.”

She looks around then as if seeking some kind of clue, something obvious she might have missed. There are no photos of Sarah on the mantle, no drawings or keepsakes to indicate he’d been a father before Ellie–only the broken watch on his wrist. He holds it out to her, the shattered glass face shimmering in the light of the TV screen.

“She gave me this for my birthday,” he says, and the words stick in his throat. “It’s…all I have.”

“And her name was Sarah?” she says in a small, tight voice.

His smile is sad. “Go figure, huh?”

Her lip quivers. “Joel…”

She sets the bowl aside and starts to get up, the bulk of her belly and gravity working against her.

“Don’t–” he starts, but she makes it to her feet before he can protest.

Then she’s standing between his knees and cradling his face in her hands. There are tears in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks. She cries at everything now, but that doesn’t explain why he wants to cry, too.

He wants to say something reassuring, to set her at ease, but his tongue is thick in his mouth and it hurts like it does sometimes, like the wound is fresh and raw and new all over again.

“I can’t,” he says thickly, pleading. “Not…right now. Not yet.”

She nods slowly, kisses his forehead with something like love, and cradles him against her. Her warm, full belly presses against his chest, against his heart, and he hates that it soothes the ache. It’s too much like forgetting.

Her whisper at his temple is a balm.

“One day at a time.”

#fanfic #fic recs #joel miller #the last of us hbo #the last of us #pregnancy #babyfic

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edonee · 1 month

Note

You asked yesterday for someone to explain what trans people mean when we say we do or don't feel like a gender or sex. My comment is too long to put in the replies to I'm answering here instead. I don't really think this will change your mind at all, but this is the best way I can explain what it feels like to be trans masculine.

Seeing myself and having others see me as a girl was painful. I felt a deep sense of wrongness when people called me "she" and when people described me as a girl. It sometimes made me throw up, it made me cry, it made me dissociate. When I transitioned and people called me "he" or "they", I felt an overwhelming amount of joy. I felt like they were seeing who I was, I felt right. I felt this deep sense of wrongness in relation to my body as well - I couldn't stand seeing my breasts, I couldn't stand having a period, I hated the way my face was shaped. I also often felt uncomfortable when doing things or wearing things considered traditionally feminine, but I think that was because I hated that people used those to associate me with being a girl. Now, I often enjoy wearing clothing or activities that fit feminine gender roles. My point is, my dysphoria and my experience of gender is almost entirely based on how I feel most aligned with the gender designation of man, and not at all aligned with the gender designation of woman - rather than what aspects of those gender roles I wanted to participate in.

I don't think there's one simple explanation as to what it means to feel like a woman or a man or any form of gender that does not fit within the binary. I personally believe that we all have unique experiences of gender, and most people's match up with how they are perceived by society, but others make them feel dysphoric. I honestly agree with the idea of gender abolition - as long as we don't divide people by sex either. It would be great if we could all just exist as people without these arbitrary categories acting as defining characteristics of who we are.

I can't answer if, in that hypothetical society where we don't have genders, I would still experience the dysphoria I've felt about my body. I don't know - I'm sorry. I get that there are a lot of confusing things in play when it comes to gender and trans people, and I think it's great that people like you want to understand, and I get that it can seem suspicious when there are some things that we can't answer.

But I don't think that those areas where there's a lack of clarity need to push you away from supporting trans people. We are not claiming to be trans for some manipulative agenda, or just very swept up in internalized misogyny. Most of us are people who suffered a lot trying to exist as the gender that society ascribed to our sex, and now that we've found another way to exist, we feel freer. I feel like a man because I don't feel wrong when I exist as a man. I don't feel like a woman because I felt wrong when I existed as a woman. I don't see what in that is a threat.

Thank you if you bothered to read all of this! Have a lovely evening.

Hi ^^ good morning, I just read this and I'm going to try to make my point as linear as possible. I want to start off by giving you a definition of sex and gender (just so that there's no confusion over what I'm talking about) I've simply taken the definitions from The World Health Organisation as I find those exhausting and agreeable enough:

Sex is defined as the different biological and physiological characteristics of males and females, such as reproductive organs, chromosomes, hormones, etc

Gender is defined as the (of course variable based on place, culture, and historical period) socially constructed characteristics of women and men – such as norms, roles and relationships of and between groups of women and men.

I want to start by addressing what you said at the very beginning of your argument: you said that people perceiving you as a girl distressed you even to the point of physical sickness, whereas getting gendered as a man made you feel seen as your true self. First, I want to say that your "true self" can't be the social classification of characteristics attributed to either sex. Gender is, by definition, purely constructed, therefore any identification with either gender comes from a personal sympathization with its elements and not from an innate connection to a system that is man-made and cannot therefore borne any biological bond. Secondly, I don't want to make a diagnosis out of your experience, but that simply sounds like an extreme result of growing up as a female. With the way girls are treated in every society it's no wonder that the passage from childhood to girlhood is burdensome. When a male child grows up he becomes a person, whereas a female grows to be a woman. Very trivially, the reason why I used to identify as non-binary when I was around 13-14 was that I felt too complex to fit into something as shallow and one-dimensional as womanhood. Of course I'm not saying that's why you specifically feel this way, as there could very well be another reason personal to you that has shaped your mind and put you in a psychological condition where you feel alienated from your body. But even in that case, the argument of transgenderism still doesn't hold up. Gender is not biological, so of course anyone can identify themselves in and out of it as they please, but that doesn't change two things:

1) the structure of it remains the same

2) a female who identifies as a man is still female and vice versa

You also go on and say that your experience with gender comes from feeling aligned to the “gender designation of men – rather than what aspects of those gender roles (you) want to participate in„

I find this definition quite feeble, as the "gender designation of men" is exactly equivalent to the gender roles linked to it, and nothing more. Again, I can't help but get the idea that the motive of your discomfort with femaleness stems from an underlying uneasiness with the poor way women are treated in a misogynistic society rather than an abstract and impractical affinity with the male sex.

Now, toward the end of your argument you hypothesized a world where gender has been erased, leaving sex as the only undeniable distinction between people, and you said:

"I can't answer if, in that hypothetical

society where we don't have

genders, I would still experience the

dysphoria l've felt about my body"

And, although I don't know you personally, I'm quite confident that the answer would be no. Feeling discontent over your body is not innate, it's learned (subconsciously or otherwise) through socialization. If you feel envy towards the male body and hatred towards your female body it is not because there's something inherently wrong with it, but rather because you aspire to the male gender class. Without sex discrimination & gender existing in the first place, there would be nothing that would make you resent your female body.

However, we clearly don't live in a word free of gender, so does that mean that we should endorse transgenderism for the sake of those people who suffer from dysphoria? The answer is no. Dysphoria is a direct result of gender, therefore the solution is to question the very construct of gender, and not to go through medical procedures to change one's sexual characteristics in order to "be your true self". Just like anorexia can't be cured by starving, but only by deconstructing the underlying fixation with thinness and body image. Not to mention the idea that gender is actually real is harmful to feminism. It does not only solidify gender stereotypes, and promote the definition of certain behaviors as either masculine or feminine, it also strips words away of their meaning, making the fight for female liberation a nebulous movement that stands up for the rights of – who exactly? Females? Anyone who identifies as female? Men who say they are women?

I'm genuinely sorry that there are people who suffer to the point that they want to be the opposite sex, but I refuse to advocate for the idea that you can be born into the wrong body. Believing that your body is wrong is a fucking miserable way to live, and it's also simply not true.

Let me know if you want to ask me anything else, have a good day

#radblr #radical feminism #radical feminists do interact #radical feminist safe #terfsafe #terfblr #radical feminists do touch #personal #transgender #nonbinary #gender critical #gender abolition

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theseasasleep · 6 months

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Story of Kunning Palace E03 (semi-live reaction)

So, it's our heroine's fate to always be crushed on by the spoiled Princess? LOL

There's no way a young woman who climbed all the way to Empress can avoid most of the path to that fate. In most of the webnovels of this type I've read, reaching that type of pinnacle means you have a fate with it, regardless of the ultimate outcome. The best Xue Ning can do is flip the script on circumstances while doing her best to skirt around the thornier aspects of future events.

1st Life: the Princess thinks back to her first encounter with Xue Ning with humiliation, embarrassment and rage

2nd Life: the Princess will think back on their first encounter with pride, happiness and warmth

So far so good. Although I totally get why she'd want to avoid tangling with a temperamental royal who she had a terrible experience with.

...

I really like how this show is shot. Sometimes you never know with cdramas if you'll get a cheap or pedestrian directing style or a dramatic and/or compelling one.

...

The show is still building its foundations and I'm just so eager to jump into the action!

*fight sequence starts 1 minute later* AND HERE WE GO!

Dude is more pissed off by the damaged qin strings than the assassination attempt! HA!

Xue Ning, as hostage: *minimize connections to minimize involvement* Mr. Hostage-taker, sir, I know Xie Wei only through the grapevine...

Xie Wei: MISS XUE NING, PLEASE DON'T SELL OUR CONNECTION SO SHORT! YOUR FATHER AND I ARE GREAT FRIENDS! IN FACT, YOU ARE MY LIFE SAVIOR!

Xue Ning:

...

Take me instead.

Mmm. Something about the silky oomph with which he said that line combined with his expression... Okay, okay, Zhang Ling He. It took three episodes but you got me: the character of Xie Wei is now officially attractive to me. All he had to do was low key deliver a line that just vibrates with high key threat.

Man, what era are my hormones in? Between finding my mojo over one ML threatening to tear an offensive man's tongue out and fixing my posture when this one is nothing but velvet menace, I need a name for it. I need to know. Should I be worried? Scared? Aroused?

oh. oh. he's so sexy... okay, now you're just showing off; put the murderous sexiness away

Not this man calling her out, leaving her neither a fissure to hide in or a crumb for modesty!

I... I can't wait until he's incandescently in love with her because I just know, I just know it will be so magnificent I won't know what to do with myself.

Girl, while you are absolutely right to defend your current relationship with Yan Lin and right to say it is a flirtation that is undeserving of such rude scrutiny... you (and us) know that man speaks no lies. You are trifling with Yan Lin and you would have done him plenty of harm without the benefit of literal 20/20 hindsight.

That being said, I see @dangermousie point: kicking off a relationship trying to gin up, stoke and maintain fear in the other party is an excellent way to receive future comeuppance in the form of watching the woman you desperately love side-eye you as she lavishes protection and support on her other suitors.

...

I like Yan Lin. Not too sorry to say that. Hopefully Life No. 2 keeps him off the rapist track.

It's nice seeing Xue Ning enjoying festivities. The impression I have of her first life self is that while she reveled in being "wild", she likely didn't really allow herself to enjoy being young and with friends, too busy being hungry.

Dear. God. That seamless transition from earnest Yan Lin in Life No. 2 waxing poetic about his first impressions of Xue Ning to embittered Yan Lin in Life No. 1 waxing poetic about his first impressions of Xue Ning with the exact. same. words. Add to it the implied threat of sexual violence in LIfe No. 1!!!

Chills.

*gagging* Did I say I like Yan Lin? Show, it's going to be hard for me to keep that opinion if you keep flashing back to that.

Me during the Life No. 2 Ning x Yan kiss scene:

I want no part of it.

All right, dude, are you telling me you raped her because she plain text told you she planned to marry someone who could help her achieve her goals?! She didn't sell you out to the devil... Or refuse to shelter either you or wounded family members... but because when you were at your lowest, like the bitch she admittedly is... was..., she told you the truth and cut ties? I mean, that's reason enough not to warn her a coup is coming for her ass in Life No. 1. There's no reason for rape, ever; even if she lit your dog on fire, you can't rape her. Just WTF, guy?!

...

Not that it excuses any of her horrid behavior but I can see how lonely Xue Ning is in what should be her familial home. That cozy scene between her parents and half-sister where in her absence there is only affection and warmth and in her presence, only awkwardness and discomfort.

She lived a childhood in poverty and exile being spoken and looked down upon; returned to her parents' home to find herself being shunted as second-born (in an era where hierarchy matters) and defective instead of receiving proper homecoming. I can see why the attraction of her sole dream, her ultimate goal - becoming Empress - would become all-consuming, especially if such a dream sustained her in exile and fueled her defiance at home.

...

Oh, jesus christ, Yan Lin, don't be an idiot! Don't believe in an enemy soldier during wartime, like...?!

...

So Xue Ning might have accidentally sold Yan Lin out to the devil.

But in her defense, that wasn't her intention. Just to watch him. Like a politics-minded creeper.

Me to Ning as she reads her former coachman cum spy to filth: GET HIM.

#post #tv show: story of kunning palace #teevee #cdrama #xie wei #zhang ling he #gif #references tv show: the office #xue ning #yan lin

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starnerd1 · 1 year

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First Foray into the Bo-Katan/Din Djarin shipping lane

So, I haven't written anything for a very long time. Like, more than 10 years long time. But this season of the Mandalorian just hit me right in the feels because I love the dynamic between Bo Katan and Din, and the force of character Katee brings to the live action version is just phenomenal. No matter how this season (or series) plays out, I'm going to ship them for life.

So, I've had this idea for a fic coming to me in sections. First, based on more recent episodes, but being the person that I am, when I sat down to finally get this down in writing and out of my head, I ended up starting at the beginning. And by that, I mean the very end of Season 2 when we are left with Din and co standing in the bridge of the light cruiser. What happened? What's the transition from that scene to where we find Bo at the beginning of Season 3?

Without further ado, here is part one of two for this 'Season 2.5: Book of Bo-Katan' (Title and chapter titles are up for debate. It's just what I thought of in the moment.) It's still rough, not fully edited/polished. I just needed to get it out of my head so I can sleep better.

The Book of Bo-Katan Kryze

In two parts.

Part 1: The Prize

The Jedi Master vanished with the foundling with the closing hiss of the lift door. How many years had it been since Bo-Katan had seen a lightsaber? A Jedi in action? A long time. Before the Purge.

Not long at all.

In the darkened view from behind her helmet, she moved her eyes to the Mandalorian, still standing like a stone. She shifted her weight and bites back a hiss of pain as the one pot shot from Moff Gideon that hit her flesh suddenly explodes in fire. Another scar to add to the tapestry. Gingerly, Bo stepped forward, over the unconscious form of the Imp slime, limping slightly with each fiery pulse of pain that shoots up her right leg. Her gaze shifts from the crumpled remains of the door to the back of the Mandalorian’s bared head. He still hadn’t moved. His helmet still sitting on the floor by his feet, his body stiff and hands clenched. Now close enough to him, she can hear the slight shake in each of his breaths.

Despite her pain, Bo bends down, picks up his helmet from the floor, and holds it out in front of him. The sharp intake of breath is audible to everyone. His eyes, those dark, grief-stricken eyes snapped in focus to the front visor of the helmet he swore he would never remove.

He turned he face towards Bo and she sees his face fully for the first time. His eyes, deep brown and deeply pained, locked on to hers behind the visor. With the slightest nod of her head towards his helmet, she said softly, “This is the Way.”

There is the slightest flush to his face. His posture straightens, he takes the offered helmet and places it back on. “This is the Way.” The helmet cannot mask the grief, the pain, in his voice. A father who gave up his foundling.

The man who has her prize.

He held her gaze for just a moment longer before walking away. Out of the Command Center.

“You are letting him walk away?” Koska asks harshly as he walks through the ruins of the blast door. Bo turned on her, glaring behind her helmet. “I will not discuss this now,” she hissed back. Koska’s face scrunched into a sneer, on the brink of a retort, but stopped as Bo closed the distance between them with a threatening step. “Not. Now,” she repeated.

Reeves backed down with a disgusted scoff, turning her attention to the unconscious Moff. Relieved, Bo turned her own attention to Cara. She was in no mood for further conflict and the pain in her leg was really starting to annoy her.

“So, is there any chance we can get your Republic to not blow us up turning in this sleemo in with this Imp ship?”

“Every chance,” Cara replied. “Just need to talk to the right people.” She paused for a moment then added, “I can’t promise they’ll let you keep the ship.”

“Consider it my part of the bounty payment,” said Bo.

Cara shrugged in response, as if to say, I still can’t make promises. “I only ever heard of one person in the Rebellion who had a light saber,” she continued, her gaze briefly looking towards where her friend had gone. “But if it is who I think it is, and he just saved our asses, it might be possible to pull off this ship as your payment.”

“Who did you hear of?” asked Fennec.

“Luke Skywalker.”

The breath went out of Bo-Katan at the name. Skywalker.

That wasn’t….possible

How?!

Anakin Skywalker died in the final battle of the Clones Wars. Ashoka told her as much. Some younger relation? Extended family?

But….that didn’t match up with Ashoka’s stories of her old master either. An only child. A former slave from Tatooine.

“We need all the ships we can get,” said Bo, pushing the line of questions from her mind. “Fennec, get Boba back here.”

“He’s already on his way.”

-------------------------------

Din Djarin had no destination as he left the Command Center. The room was suffocating. There were too many people.

May the Force be with you.

What did that even mean? Was that supposed to make him feel better? Some force to fill the raw gaping void left in the wake of Grogu leaving with the Jedi?

The crushed remains of the Dark Troopers littered the hallway to the lift. The Jedi had cut through them all with such ease. Din nearly lost his life to one. That Jedi – younger than him – made idle, easy work of dozens.

That was the point. The whole purpose to his mission. To delivery Grogu to one of his own kind, who could train him. He could teach the kid how to do this, he mused. Grogu had stopped a mudhorn in full charge. Held back the fire of an imperial stormtrooper. Crushing a division of droids was surely well within the kid’s power. Din had no idea what this power was that the Jedi had, but Grogu could do it.

His quest was fulfilled.

Stepping into the lift, Din looked straight back down the hallway, with all the littered remains, through the crumpled door to the command center. His gaze met Bo-Katan’s, her helmet removed.

The door slid shut.

This is the Way.

----------------------------

Imperial ships had surveillance everywhere. There was no surprise in being discovered. Only slightly at who chose to do so. In the empty corridors of the ship, Bo-Katan’s uneven steps rang too loudly in his ears. But then, every sound seemed too loud to him now.

He had found his way to an observation deck. Empty space filled every corner of his vision. Which way had the Jedi gone? He’d told the kid he would see him again. He would hold himself to that promise. But he hadn’t even thought to ask where they were going.

Kryze reached him, saying nothing as she took a position at a respectful distance just into his view. She made no move to say anything at first. What was there left to say? Only to challenge him for a weapon he would freely give her.

“Cara is securing the Moff in the detention cells,” she said at last.

“Pershing still in the shuttle?”

He saw her nod. “I made sure they weren’t going to be together. Koska has the good doctor locked down. Gideon has escaped too many times to trust him in the room with another Imp. He’d either kill Pershing or get his help in escaping.”

“Two bounties are better than one,” Din replied, “especially alive.”

Bo-Katan bit back a retort. She was not a bounty hunter. It wasn’t his point. And she knew that. Instead she stepped more directly into his view, her back to the star scape, and sat at the edge of a table. “I offered you a place with us before,” she began. “To retake Mandalore. Unite our People.” He was an immovable object. Unreadable. Expressionless beskar staring out into space. “That offer remains.”

A moment passed before he actually looked at her, a deep exhale dropping his shoulders a few centimeters. “Will you take the sword?” he asked her, holding the hilt out between them. “If it is so important, take it. No one is here. I can say you challenged me and won.”

She couldn’t help but glance at the hilt. Gleaming, sleek, black artistry of craftsmanship. The lore, the myth, the weight of it. The prize she so desperately wanted. Needed. She shot her eyes back up to his face, scowling. “Is that the honor your Creed taught you?” she snapped at him? “To fake battle, in victory or defeat?”

His shoulders sagged deeper at the rebuke, the hand holding the hilt dropped to his side. “I don’t care about this,” he said.

“You don’t have to. The others do and that is all that matters.”

He sighed again, clipping the hilt back to his belt. “I have to return to my Covert,” he said. “Find my Covert,” he corrected. How long had it been? Where could they have gone? He had nearly as much chance as finding out where the Jedi had taken Grogu as he did his Covert.

“We could help you.” The offer slipped out before Bo even really thought about it. Help him? Actively search for any covert of the Children of the Watch? An organization she had spent half her life trying so hard to stay away from?

He shook his head. “No. It would not serve to provoke them.” Anymore than I may have already, he added to himself. Din had broken one of the primary tenants of the Creed. He showed his face to a living being. First Mayfeld and the Imperials. Then Grogu. Even Bo-Katan. He would have to find a way to atone for this sin.

“I hadn’t intended to meet them myself,” she said, a tinge of disdain coloring her tone. “Merely provide the resources to locate them. I know many Mandalorians in exile."

Din actually seemed to consider it. That blank visage staring at her, then back out to space again. “I don’t think that would be wise. Koska didn’t seem to approve of you letting me keep the blade.”

She scowled. “Koska is in no position to approve or disapprove of my decisions,” Bo countered. The annoyance and frustration was not directed at him. If Koska reacted so badly, and so openly – even after knowing this man, the circumstances of the saber’s new possessor – she was sure to face some additional push back from her own allies once they were back together. “I will handle her.” At the very least, him joining their group could be a form of compromise. Bo-Katan may not wield the saber, but one of their number would. And it could still rally the Clans.

Still, he shook his head. “No, I must find them and return on my own.”

“Very well.”

Ahead of them, in the space outside, Boba Fett’s ship suddenly appeared out of hyperspace. Bo’s wrist comm chirped. “Boba’s here,” came Fennec’s voice.

“Yes, we can see that,” Bo replied.

“Cara’s contacted the New Republic. I don’t think I need to explain how eager they are to get their hands on the Moff. We can expect them very soon.”

“Understandable,” Din acknowledged.

“I’d rather not be here when they arrive,” Fennec continued. In other words, I’m getting out of here with Boba. Din’s nod told Bo he understood the same.

“Can’t imagine why,” Bo replied, amused. “We’ll make our way to the hanger to meet you and Fett.” The clone. The face of 250 million men.

“Understood.” Fennec closed the channel.

Din’s slightly tilted head in an obvious question. “I assumed you would want to leave with Fett,” she said. “Unless you want the imperial shuttle – you are welcome to it if you do.”

“No,” he said quickly. “Too conspicuous for a Bounty Hunter. I’ll leave with Fett.”

-------------------------------

They journeyed to the hanger in silence. In part because there was nothing else to say. But also because their attention was pulled to the full glory of the Jedi’s destruction of the Dark Troopers. The carnage was on full display the entire way there. Din observed in awe and none too little respect for the power required to accomplish such complete destruction.

The scenes brought Bo-Katan back to the Clone Wars. The handiwork of other Jedi she had witnessed against both clones and Mandalorians.

Her sister.

“Bo-Katan.”

The sound of her name ripped her back to the present. When had she stopped moving? Before her lay a Dark Trooper droid, practically unscathed save for a single lightsaber stab through the chest.

“Something wrong?” Din asked her.

She shook her head. “No. Nothing. I’m coming.”

-------------------------------

Fett stood outside his parked ship, Fennec’s back disappearing up the gangway into the ship. He looked at them both. The aged face of a Clone. One among millions Bo had seen. But his eyes had no loyalty. The clone troopers, at least, had that.

Until the Jedi Purge.

He looked to the both, to Din’s empty arms. “Fennec told me a Jedi showed up, took the kid.” His tone was matter-of-fact, but the statement hit Din in the chest like a blaster bolt.

“Yeah,” he managed to say. “Mission accomplished. Mind if I get a ride?”

Fett’s eyes flitted to Bo-Katan. “Not going to stay with the Princess?”

That broken down old clone was going to pay. She started sharply forwards but was stopped at the Mandalorian’s gesture. Annoyed, she glared at the blank plate that stared back, as if to say ‘Drop it. It’s not worth it.’ “I’ve got other business to finish,” Din said quickly.

“Suit yourself, Mando. Don’t take too long with your goodbyes.”

Bo raised an eyebrow in surprise. So, Fett didn’t know the man’s name either? “Mando can’t possibly be your actual name,” she remarked as Fett disappeared into his ship.

“It’s Din,” he said quietly. “Din Djarin.” He moved towards the gang plank of the ship, but stopped short. “Thank you, Bo-Katan Kryze,” he said, turning back around to look at her. “I know this didn’t end the way you wanted, or expected –” her eyes dropped on their own accord to his hip, where his fingers reflexively twitched next to the Dark Sabre – “But Grogu would not have survived were it not for your help. For that, I will forever be in your debt.”

“Help me retake Mandalore,” she rejoined, a small upturn playing at the corner of her mouth.

“Accept the saber,” he countered.

She couldn’t help but smile, sadly. “You know I can’t.”

His reply froze her in place: “This is the Way.”

Damn that man.

Part 2

#bo katan kryze x din djarin #dinbo #fanfic #the mandalorian #din djarin x bo katan kryze #din djarin #post season 2 leading to season 3 #DinBo fanfiction #bodin #star wars fandom #shipping these two is too damn easy #bo-katan x din #2 parter #light DinBo as this is the end of season 2 #bo katan kryze #bo katan

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pineapplerightsideupcake · 4 months

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From your debate with transmascpetewentz, you said that you experience dysphoria and alleviated it by not engaging with your physical body and approaching it from a detached, impersonal perspective. Do you think that this is because you find that current transition treatments won't get your body to become what you truly want it to be? Do you find it normal and expected that you do not feel comfortable in your body and that your body is something you must dissociate and detach yourself from?

Hi! This is completely incorrect! My body is not something I have to detach from. My body is my home. I don’t shower in the dark anymore. I can look at me in the mirror. I wear short shorts on really hot days and don’t worry obsessively about the male gaze or a stray body hair. I stopped shaving my arms, armpits, and bush. I mostly stopped shaving my legs. I don’t tweeze my eyebrows or slather on makeup!

Body neutrality is not dissociating, it’s the reframing of a sexualized and/criticized body as neutral.

Some of the exercises I did with my therapist went like this:

Therapist: okay name a part of your body you hate

Me: my legs. I hate them they’re fat and have cellulite and are too hairy for a woman

Therapist: okay but legs don’t exist to look good. What are some things your legs do for you?

Me: well I love going for walks/hikes

Therapist: great, so whenever you think about how much you hate your legs, remember what they do for you. Thank them and be kind to them

This is of course a VERY condensed version of things but we basically went over my body piece by piece and sort of anthropomorphized them. This worked because I am good at being kind to others but not myself and I didn’t want to be ‘mean’ to my legs

And then when I got used to all that, we put me back together. My legs only function because I have blood and skin and bones. I have the energy to move them because I have a digestive system. I have the balance to move because I have an inner ear. I know where to go because I have eyes. Etc.

And then when I got used to THAT, she hit me with- that’s you. It’s not a body you pilot. You are your body. Just like your legs and eyes are all part of a whole, you are not a consciousness apart.

Again I’m condensing years of therapy. Whole periods of time where we just talked about my trauma related to those issues. But it worked.

I don’t say I’m cured of dysphoria for the same reason I don’t say I’m cured of anxiety or depression- mental health is reffered to as “controlled or in remission”.

What radical feminism gave me is equally important. It gave me my anger back. It gave me my trust in my own perception back. It gave me pride in womanhood and a community of like minded women.

And I know this is already an essay but I want to speak to the idea that my main issue with transition is it wouldn’t make me enough of a man.

Every TRA needs to hear just how far into sci-fi territory their ideas are. Right now the best I could hope for is painful scar tissue around my repositioned breasts and a pit dug into my leg or arm to harvest flesh for a micro dick that doesn’t get hard without help.

That’s the BEST CASE. The worst case is I get so many painful and humiliating complications I DIE. One of the blogs I follow on here had exactly this happen to her friend. She got bottom surgery and it killed her.

Let’s say we get to the level of science that’s at least perfected the cosmetic aspects. I’d still have a dick and balls that would never produce sperm. My body would still have ovaries and a uterus to remove. My endocrine system would still be female. My skeletal structure would still be female. My lungs and heart and muscles and blood and hair would all still be female.

Your sex is decided at conception. You are built from a single cell around the absence or presence of an active SRY gene.

Imagine you built me a dresser and I came in and said “actually can you make me a wardrobe instead?” And demanded you only use the same materials you already had. What could you possibly make me when the wood is already cut to size and shaped?

#personal #anon asks #radical feminism

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bebepac · 1 year

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Shattered Heart

I am participating in @choicesflashfics prompt: “Being stubborn will get you no where” which will appear in bold.

I am also participating in @choicesmonthlychallenge for March for Pet cuddles

This is part 6 of The Cordonian Arrangement

Song Inspiration: Lift Me Up by Rhianna The Book:TRH /TRF The Series: The Cordonian Arrangement Pairings: Riley x Nico (Riley x M!OC) past pairing Liam x Riley Word Count: 2484 Warnings: Grief, Mention of character death, profanity. Ratings: Teen Summary: Nico is laid to rest.

Original Post: 03/14/23 at 10:10PM EST

"Thank you for coming, King Liam."

"Please just call me Liam."

"Liam, thank you. Nico said you would be the only one that would be able to get through to her right now."

"My heart breaks for her. She is in so much pain, as with your whole family. Nico was a good man. She loves him."

Riley did love him, present tense. Even though it hurt him to say.

Liam hugged Mother Karahalios.

"She really does. They lived a happy life here together."

"You're such a good boy too. Your mother would have been proud of you. My Athena is on her way to bring Angelo to you. He will need you now, more than ever."

"He barely knows me, and Riley is in no condition to care for him right now."

"You'll be fine. This is the start of you truly bonding with your son. Nico told me what you did, what you helped him with. It will help ease the transition. He’s a sweet child, he will begin to look to you as his father."

“Nico told you?”

“Yes, it’s a beautiful gift. One I’m sure Angelo will never forget. It’s going to help you bond with him. Seeing you with Angelo may begin to open Riley’s heart to you, again.”

A few minutes later Athena walked through the door holding a sleeping Angelo in her arms.

“Where’s Riley?”

“She’s still resting.”

Athena held tighter to Angelo shaking her head.

“Are you sure we should leave Angelo, Mama? Riley can barely care for herself right now. She needs some time. I can keep Angelo, so he can play with his cousins. Riley would be fine with us keeping him a bit longer.”

“Liam will be here, with Riley, Angelo will be fine. Give him to Liam.”

“He looks shell shocked.” Athena continued in Greek. “Are you sure we should leave Angelo here with this man?”

"That 'man' as you called him, is Angelo's biological father. No harm will come to Angelo in his care."

Athena had thought she was hiding her apprehensions of Liam behind the Greek language with her conversation to Mother Karahalios. Liam kept his face unemotional,

but was relieved Mother Karahalios had defended him. Liam decided to show Athena that Greek was one of the many languages he was also fluent in.

“Angelo is safe with me. My son is safe with me.”

“If that was the case, my brother wouldn’t have to have taken care of your child for you.”

“Athena now is not the time to do this.”

“Now is the perfect time. Riley is our family and I am going to fight for her, because she is in no condition to defend herself from him. I don’t care what Nico thought of this so-called ‘man’ that broke Riley’s heart multiple times. She told me about you, and how much you hurt her, and how Nico waited patiently for her, treating her the way she deserved. They would have had more time together as a family, if it wasn't for you. Riley deserves better, and she had it; she had it all with Nico.

That’s why she’s grieving so hard for him. She knows what she lost when he took his last breath, and if Riley asks me what I think, I’m not sugarcoating my thoughts, just like now. To be a King, you have everything and nothing at the same time. You do not deserve either of them in your life.”

“I know my behavior in the past in my relationship with Riley… I was so wrong to treat her the way I did. She had every right to leave me…to find love with someone else, and she did. I don’t fault her for that. She deserved to be loved by someone as much as she once loved me. But I'm here now, to be anything she needs."

"We can take care of her. We have taken care of her. She needs nothing from you."

"That's NOT WHAT HE WANTED!!!” Liam’s voice increased. “I’m abiding by his wishes, what he asked of me. Being stubborn will get you nowhere!!!!”

“If I’m stubborn, then you’re a vulture, swooping in trying to take my brother’s wife. The only way you have a chance now to get her back is because he died.”

“OF COURSE I WANT HER BACK!! I KNOW THE MISTAKES I MADE WITH HER.”

“Please stop fighting. Now is not the time. She needs us to be strong for her, for both of them. We are all better than this. Athena, you don’t have to like Liam, but you will tolerate him, because it’s what your brother wanted. You promised your brother; we all did. We told Nico not to worry, that we would help take care of Riley, Angelo, and the baby and the peace on his face after that, helped him let go.”

At the mention of Nico, and those last moments of his life, Athena’s facial expression changed, tears filling her eyes, nodding. She then handed Angelo over to Liam, and Angelo, still groggy from sleep, didn't open his eyes and rested his head on Liam’s shoulder.

“There is plenty of food in the fridge. I can heat dinner up for you if you would like?”

“I can handle it. We’ll be alright.”

Once Athena and Mama Karahalios left, Liam put Angelo in his bed. The house was eerily silent, and he had multiple calls to make because Riley needed support. Not only from him, but her friends. He called Maxwell, Hana, Olivia and Drake to see how soon they would be able to get there.

“Bastien, contact our tech to find a number for Riley’s friend Daniel Stephenson. I am willing to fly him out here, once he is available to make the trip. She’s going to need everyone who cares about her, around her right now.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Nico’s dog Icarus was still sitting outside the room Nico had spent his last days in; Everyone in the house was grieving for Nico Karahalios and little Chance had not left Riley’s side.

When he went to check on Riley, she was still sleeping peacefully, Chance nestled close to her. He weighed the option of letting her sleep, versus waking her up for dinner. He decided it best that Riley rested more. He would make sure that she got up and had breakfast with them tomorrow.

Liam had been fortunate that he had decided the best thing to do was travel to Greece several times while Nico was still feeling well and had spent time with Angelo alone, so that he wasn’t afraid when he woke up finding Liam in the kitchen. Liam smiled when Angelo ran to him to give him a hug. Angelo appeared happy to see him.

“I missed you too.” Liam whispered as he picked him up carrying him over to the table.

“Mama?” he asked.

“Mama’s sleeping.”

Liam was secretly relieved that Angelo did not ask about Nico.

That night after Angelo’s bath and everything was quiet in the house, he put Angelo to bed.

“I bet you want a bedtime story?”

Angelo nodded.

"Your Bampás told me that he always read to you every night, and he made something really special for you.”

Riley woke from her sleep startled when she heard HIS voice coming from Angelo’s room. She opened the door to find Liam holding one of Angelo’s bedtime story books showing him the pictures, while Nico was on video, his voice lively and his face animated complete with funny faces, and different voices, as he read the story for their child. Nico had been a great father.

Riley softly kissed Angelo’s forehead before she settled into the chair next to the bed. Tears filled her eyes, and she was enamored with the screen.

That’s when Liam truly knew, winning Riley’s heart again would not be easy; he would be competing for Riley’s love, with the memory of a dead man. A dead man, Riley was very much still madly in love with.

After Angelo had fallen asleep, they both walked out of his room together.

“When did he have time to do this?”

“When he sent you to his Mother’s house, her mission was to distract you for a few hours.”

“ Why didn’t he ask for my help? I would have helped him.”

“I’m sure he knew that.”

“He even planned his own funeral, down to the last detail. All we have to do is show up.”

“Maybe, it was his way of trying to help you and it’s obvious he loved you so much. Riley, I think he knew that you would be in this state of grief and that trying to carry out his final wishes would be incredibly difficult for you. He was trying to save you that pain, it’s really admirable when you think about it. He was trying to protect you from that, so that you could just celebrate his life."

“I’M HIS WIFE!!!! I….was his wife. I would have done anything he asked of me…..”

“I know. He did it to spare you that pain."

“I understand, thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Anything I can do to help.”

“The house feels different without him. He has….had this presence. I can’t feel it. I can’t feel him anymore.”

“He is in a better place.”

Her voice turned angry.

“That I do not need right now. Not a hallmark card. I’m sorry for your loss? I can’t stomach that shit right now. He should not be gone, and I’m mad as hell about it.”

Nico’s Funeral

Riley woke that morning to the sound of rain.

She was pretty sure that Nico had wanted his arrangements to be outdoors as he loved being outside in the fresh air. But of course, Nico had made a contingency plan for that. She went into Angelo’s room to get him up, discovering that Liam already had him in the bath.

Angelo splashed the water, causing Liam to laugh, Angelo was giggling as well.

“You got me again!!!! Good thing I’m not already dressed.”

Riley smiled for a moment at the two of them, before the look on her face turned serious once more.

“I can handle getting him ready today. It’s all under control, and breakfast will be ready soon.” Liam remarked.

“Alright. There’s a little black suit….”

“I know where it is. Are you hungry?”

“I don’t think I could eat right now if I tried.”

“At least try to drink some juice, and eat a little, for the baby.”

“You’re right. I’ll try.”

It was still pouring down rain when they made it to the small Grecian church.

Nico had grown up in the church, but as an adult moving back home, Riley and Nico weren’t avid church goers, but every holiday and occasionally accompanied one of his sisters.

Riley felt her body halt when she saw Nico’s closed casket at the front of the church.

Riley sat with Angelo, Nico’s mother, and was surrounded by his sisters. Liam decided it best, to give her a little space, and wanted to be respectful and not sit with Riley but a few seats behind her, as there were customs that were important to Nico’s family, and Riley being a newly grieving widow. He didn’t want to give them the wrong impression.

The priest began speaking, his voice was calm and soothing.

“I’ve known Nicolas since he was born. He was always a kind and caring child. He took on a lot of responsibilities very young to help financially support his family. I can’t help but notice this, since the start of this day it has been raining. By sending rain at Nico’s funeral, God is telling us something very important. Yes, he is shedding his tears, sadness for us that we are hurting, because I know everyone here is saddened that Nicolas is no longer physically present on this earth, and more importantly, God is sharing tears of joy that his soul arrived in heaven.”

The funeral was somber, and so many people spoke kind words and they expressed their condolences to the Karahalios family.

Liam had managed to keep his feelings in check the whole time, his face stoic, but when they opened his casket, and Riley began to cry, he hung his head finally letting a tear fall. He felt a hand softly squeeze his shoulder, and he felt relief. Leo had made it, finally with Daniel, Hana, Olivia, and Drake. Riley would be so happy to see them all.

The infusion of her friends and family around her in the coming weeks greatly helped Riley. He thought at times she still looked numb and going through the motions, but he could still hear her crying at night when everything was quiet and she was alone.

“Riley?”

“I’m okay,” she said through the door.

“May I come in?”

Riley opened the door.

“I brought you a slice of galaktoboureko.”

He knew from Nico that it was Riley’s favorite dessert now, but Liam had remembered that Riley always had a sweet tooth.

“I’m really okay.” She insisted through the sniffles.

She ate in silence and Liam waited patiently for the truth, Riley finally confessed. “I’m not okay, Liam. Far from it.”

“I know. I wouldn’t expect you to be so soon after…..”

“My husband died.”

Riley wiped away the tears once more.

“I miss him so much. You’ve been really kind Liam, and helping with Angelo, some days when I just couldn’t get out of bed, you’ve been here to be with Angelo. I’m grateful. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for this.”

“Yes I do, you’ve been here the better part of a month, running a country from a distance, just to be here for me, Angelo, and little one.”

“Because…. You are my family, and this is where I felt I needed to be.”

“We haven’t talked about it…. What Nico asked of you?...”

“I know, and we don’t have to now, if you don’t want to…”

“I need to. If I’m being completely honest with you, and I want to be, I can’t see myself leaving Greece any time soon. Just like you know you need to be here, I need to be here in the coming months to properly grieve for him. I can't get up and leave his family, after everything we’ve lost, and take the last living part of him with me. I won’t do that to them.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that Riley.”

“As for us…. I can’t even think of that right now. I need to focus on Angelo and having a healthy pregnancy with as little stress as possible.”

“I think you should stay in Greece, and have the baby here, and be close to his family, your family. I can visit you; it’s a relatively short flight. I can come to the baby’s appointments, if you would like; I just want to be here; I want Angelo to know me well. I don’t want to pressure you, but my hope is that one day you will look at me, the way you once did.”

“I can’t promise you that Liam.”

“I know.”

#bebepac writes #the cordonian arrangement #choices fanfiction #trr fanfic #trr fandom #liam x riley #riley x nico #choices fic writers creations #choices monthly challenge #choices flashfics

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deadmomjokes · 7 months

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How is bean doing?

Best wishes for the start of a new school year!

I honestly thought I had answered this earlier, so my apologies for leaving you hanging!

The Bean is doing pretty great! She's a whole four years old now, which she's very proud of, because as we all know, 4 is when you become a Big Kid (apparently).

This year is her first time with a different teacher at preschool, and we were worried about how she'd handle it. She LOVES her old teacher, and had been with her since she started there at 2.5. There was exactly one day of mild confusion and mild pouting, but she's been a total rock star about the transition and is still loving school.

Her only complaint is that she wants to be friends with some of the other kids, but they aren't very kind to the teacher and don't listen to what she (teacher) says. They whisper when the teacher tells them it's not talking time, and they get up and leave when they're supposed to listen. So maybe she (Bean) can't be their friend, because they try to talk to her and distract her when she's trying to listen to the teacher, and that's not very nice.

Let me tell you, hearing that was kind of a relief. She's a wiggly, distractible little squirt with more than a few signs that an ADHD diagnosis may be in her future, so I've been worried in the back of my mind that she'd end up being a bit of a disruptor. Hearing that she, of her own volition, is trying to pay attention and avoid distractions was just amazing.

I told her I was proud of her for making good choices and sticking to them even when other people are choosing something different. We talked about how we can't control what other people do, but we can always choose what we do and how we respond to them. I also explained that you can be friends with people who don't make your same choices, and that being a friend doesn't mean saying yes to everything they want from you. Sometimes being a good friend means telling someone no and making a better choice, and that's called being a good example. She said she didn't like how they kept trying to make her do "not good things," though, and I told her she can always choose her friends, and she doesn't have to hang out where she's uncomfortable or with people who upset her.

Who would have thought we'd be talking about peer pressure in preschool? Complicated life lessons right out the gate, man.

Then, of course, we have the time she got in the car all weepy eyed and frantic, and goes "Mama today in class there was a roly poly on the floor and [classmate] wanted to smush it and I told him no, so I picked up the roly poly but [teacher] said we needed to put him outside, but I really love roly polies so I just pretended to put him outside but really I put him in my pocket so I could bring him home because I love him and he is so cute, only I didn't want him to fall out or crawl in my pants so I moved him to my backpack right here, but now I can't find him in my backpack and I think he's gone D: "

We scoured that backpack. No roly poly, living or smushed. He probably escaped (lucky for him). We had a discussion about how bugs aren't happy inside, and when we love something we have to do what's best for them, so even though we really love bugs, we shouldn't put them in our pockets and keep them inside because they need dirt and grass and rain and all the things they can only get outside. Also it would be very scary to be stuck in a giant pocket and backpack, so next time we won't do that because we don't want to scare the roly poly.

Have I mentioned that I love my child? She's kind of the best, and that is not sarcasm. She's a hoot and a half and I adore her, and the way her little mind works.

#kids #adventures of bean #asks

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luverofralts · 15 days

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Arkhelios Adventures

"Theodosius, thank you for joining us. My name is Alys, and I will be part of your welcoming team for your entrance to Shadowvale Academy. Do you have any questions for me?"

Theo glowered at the woman, who continued to smile politely back at him.

"Can I talk to my boyfriend now? Why are we still in stupid Arkhelios? I want to go back to Pleasantview."

Alys' serene expression never wavered. She gestured to her right and another adult appeared beside her. Unlike this Alys, he didn't look like a demon, though maybe Theo was being presumptive. It's not like he looked like a demon most of the time either.

"My name is Leofric," the man said, smiling a little too enthusiastically. "I'm going to be your therapeutic guidance counselor. If you ever need to talk about your thoughts or feelings, I'm at your service. You can talk to me about anything, and it will stay between us. It's going to be a difficult transition, and sometimes demons can be a little too, uh, expressive when their emotions bottle up. Part of taking control over your abilities means taking control over your emotions too. I'll help you work through your emotional stumbling blocks, so that you can graduate into a responsible, mature hybrid in complete control of himself."

"No, I'm fine," Theo insisted angrily. "I'm going back to Pleasantview."

The teen snapped his fingers to summon a demonic portal, but none appeared. He tried again and again, but with no result.

"We've been entrusted with your true name, child," Alys stated coldly. "You'll find that many of your abilities may be out of your reach until you learn to master them. Coming with us isn't a choice. I'm afraid Pleasantview will have to wait."

"No! It's not fair! I need to talk to Adam! I'm not going!"

Overwhelmed with fear, anger, and despair, Theo found himself bursting into tears. He tried to stop the tears in order to look intimidating, but he couldn't. All he could feel within him was a cyclone of those emotions, blurring out every rational thought.

"Change can be difficult, I know," Leofric said soothingly, putting a reassuring arm around the teen. "What you're feeling is natural, especially now that you've realized that your normal means of escape are no longer possible. This is all part of the process; it's only natural. Why don't we continue this conversation inside so that it can remain private?"

"Where are we?" Theo asked through his tears. "I don't even know this part of Arkhelios."

"Because your parents and elected leader are sheltering you," Alys replied. The tone in her voice dashed Theo's hopes of escaping. Hopefully the rest of his so-called team were nicer than she was. Somehow, he didn't think he'd be that lucky.

"This is the former residence of the Chun family and the current residence of the Chun Undead. It is a part of your journey and where we must begin."

"I don't remember this place," Theo insisted, staring at the walls, hoping something would spark in his mind and trigger a reason why he was being forced to be here. "Those are my parents on the wall, but I've never been here before."

"This is the area where President Bellamy houses the undead," Leofric explained. It's part of a small zoned area for Arkhelios' undead residents to embrace their second chance at life."

"This is the zombie containment area?" Theo gasped. "No one's been here but the president herself! How did you get access here? Aunt Lucy and Grandma petition the government every five years to keep this place sealed. No one is allowed here."

"I think you will find that there are very few places where we don't have access," Alys replied. "We had need of it and it was made available to us. For our purposes, we were also granted the help of the undead. Your president has been very helpful. "

Theo frowned. These weren't the same same kind of teachers the Pleasantview Academy had, and they were well known for their long reach within the country. Wherever he was going, it looked like he would miss the freedom of Pleasantview. Whoever these people were, they were impossibly powerful, both politically and magically.

"Theo! Theo Dorhack."

"Grandpa? Is that you?" Theo stared at the zombie that was creeping toward him. He certainly looked like Theo's father, and was a zombie, so logically that would make this man his Grandpa Ian.

Theo didn't really know what to expect of his grandfather. From his grandmother's rants, Ian had been a worthless, cheating bum who squandered their money with his whore mistress. There may be some truth to that description, but when Theo thought about how she usually spoke about him, he decided to give his grandfather some grace. Nearly everyone was actually better than how his grandmother described them.

"Hey, Grandpa," Theo greeted nervously. "How have you been? It's been awhile, huh?"

Theo vaguely recalled his father mentioning that Theo had met his grandfather when he was younger, but Theo had no memory of it. The zombie seemed to understand what Theo was saying, even if he couldn't respond in complete sentences.

"Sit down, Theodosius," Alys commanded, gesturing to the couch beside her.

Ian seemed to respond to the command, gently pushing his grandson towards the requested seat. Theo grudgingly gave into the command, seeing that he was outnumbered and nearly powerless.

"Now, before we can continue with your admittance, we need to measure the limits of your potential," Alys said. Theo perked up at the thought that he could stall the process, but abandoned all hope when Alys locked her eyes intensely with his. "This is in no way optional. If you refuse to participate willingly, we have your true name already. You will be made to complete the exams."

Theo tried not to show fear, but this woman was a professional. Even when she was merely watching him, flashes of terror flooded Theo, warning him against defying her.

"O-okay," Theo gulped. "What do I need to do?"

"We were hoping to chart your natural state to establish an estimate of your abilities," Leofric answered. "Your file indicates that you displayed a large amount of power in this location as an infant. There is a stain of demonic magic in this house that we were hoping to attribute to you, but from seeing you interact with the space, it looks like it belongs to another demon. Perhaps Dorhack, as this was once his domain. It will be added to our measurements, but we need to dig deeper. You will accompany us at dawn to the secondary location. Until that time, you are permitted to sleep. I'd suggest that you take this opportunity. Testing may be...tiring and the chance to sleep may not come again any time soon."

Theo stretched out on the couch he was sitting on, watching his team members watch him coldly. Falling asleep wouldn't be so bad, especially if it meant escaping this nightmare for a few hours. In his dreams, he could return to Pleasantview like he wanted. In his dreams, he could hold Adam again.

As soon as the sun rose, Theo was rudely awakened when a freezing cup of water was emptied on his head. Alys tried to remain impartial, but Theo swore that there was a devious sparkle in her eye when he woke up sputtering.

"We're leaving. Now."

With sleep still in his eyes, Theo walked through the portal Alys had opened for him. On the other side, he stood in front of a weathered, small house, surrounded by water. Theo recognized the area from his childhood.

"This is still Arkhelios," he stated. "Is this the school? This is down the street from where my dad used to live."

This was much closer to the water than where Roman used to live, but Theo could still see the lights of Arkhelios in the distance. He didn't fully remember the near bunker they had lived in before taking over the Bellamy estate, but he did remember how quiet it was. Very few people came to the island next to Arkhelios due it's size and lack of amenities.

"This, Theo, is where you were born. Your entrance into the world was here, so it stands to reason that this is the best place to connect with the root of your magic. We have your true name and the location and time of your birth. All we need now is to see how your body reacts to our conditions."

"Conditions?" Theo repeated, but Alys was already climbing the stairs that led to the house.

"Stand in the magic circle and reach out your hands," the demon commanded. Leofric lingered near her, writing something in a notebook.

Theo did as he was told and immediately felt a rush of energy. His outstretched arm began to waver with the intensity of it all.

Alys nodded her approval and looked over at Leofric.

"Okay, test one, attempt one. And...go."

She snapped her fingers and immediately, all the rush of energy Theo felt exploded, colliding into him at breakneck speed. Energy flooded his mind, and he could feel the weight of the horns on his head, indicating that he'd shifted into his dark form.

"This feels funny," Theo stated, noticing the energy forming around his hands. He felt the top of his head worriedly. "There's still the extra horns from before. Plus the wings. They're sort of a new thing. Maybe they're part of what's wrong with me?"

"Unlikely." With a snap of her fingers, Theo immediately shifted out of his dark form, hitting the ground as his regular self. The change happened before his body could even register the movement.

"Well, that's what happened the other day with Adam," Theo said, hopeful that the experiment had concluded for the day and that he could go home. "So, since you've got the data, I should probably-"

"Test one, attempt two," Alys replied, snapping her fingers again. Theo swore she looked excited at the opportunity to inflict pain and discomfort on him.

The rush of energy came faster this time, still nearly knocking Theo to his feet. The transformation felt nearly instantaneous. Theo could feel the power coursing through his veins, energy exploding from his fingers. Every second, he felt as though he was about to burst from the amount of energy coursing through him. This was how he felt with Adam. The wild, unyielding power that threatened to destroy him had taken over his body within seconds.

"Now hold that position," Alys commanded. "We're getting a good reading. Okay, now try to summon energy to your hand, just what you did with Apprentice Darktide."

Theo obeyed the order, despite the amount of pain that he felt while doing so. Energy crackled in the air around him. His eyes felt like they were burning in their sockets. The room faded away from his vision, leaving him with nothing but endless darkness. Theo was sinking into darkness as an unnatural light shone within him, destroying his ability to concentrate on what was happening to him. He was going to explode from the magical pressure building inside of him. There was only darkness and pain and fear and....

Theo's mind snapped back to attention the instant it collided with something impossible to ignore. A tiny light in the darkness called to him, offering him shelter from the chaos of his thoughts.

The more Theo reached for the light, the more familiar it became. He could feel an unmistakable warmth unfurl around him, easing the fury of the energy forcing the shift into a dark form.

Adam, I finally found you.

There could be no mistaking the change in the air. Even Ian could sense that something had changed, despite not having the capacity to voice it in words. Theo didn't appear to be struggling nearly as much as he had before.

It was impossible for Theo to fight the urge to stay in his dark form, but he was making an incredible effort resisting it. He was no longer breathing heavily and was able to maneuver his hands together to expel whatever he could of the power burning within him.

"Fascinating," Alys exclaimed, putting away her notes in order to fully observe what she was seeing. "Finally, a reading that makes sense. Leofric, when we get back to the school, please send our gracious sovereign a message. The situation is as she thought it might be. The boy is stable here where he entered the world, while using a secondary source's power."

"That's wonderful," Leofric replied. "He can follow a fairly standardized course of study then. I'll have most of his entrance package ready within an hour of our arrival." He paused for a moment, running different scenarios through his mind. "And the secondary source? Do we need to contact them?"

Alys shook her head, still marveling at the teen in front of her. With every passing second, the boy seemed more calm, more in control of himself. Provided the right elements, this little hybrid was more than capable of growing into the threat the Sovereign envisioned. Once he learned to control his abilities, who knew what he could do, especially when paired with this secondary source?

"Only the Sovereign and Master Maricourt need to be informed," she decided. "They are our employers. The magic that they have said this boy can produce...well, the Ocean never gifts such power to a single person. You remember the stories. How odd to finally see such a thing in person."

Leofric nodded, still unsure of what his opinion on the matter would be.

"I'd be more inclined to believe the boy is the result of blood and contracted magic," he suggested. "This Dorhack and his daughter making contracts with powerful families and performing illegal magic would also explain the boy's abilities."

"No, this has the stink of a deity all over it. Impossible life magic, pairing the boy off to be grounded by another? You're far too young to know this, but our controversial life deity came into being due to circumstances much like this. Maybe this all started with Dorhack, but even he couldn't pull this off."

"I disagree. Blood magic amplified by a broken curse can easily explain this," Leofric replied. "I suppose we'll see when he gets settled in and starts training which one of us is right."

Alys snapped her fingers again, releasing Theo and sending him crashing to the floor, his dark form immediately vanished.

"It's a bet. Take Mr. Bellamy through the portal and get him settled. I'll be along shortly."

She gestured towards a wall, opening a portal that would lead Leofric and his young charge to the school.

"I have a feeling that this will be one of our more memorable students."

#sims 2 #arkhelios #arkhelios adventures #sim: theo bellamy #theo bellamy #alys hooper #leofric fromm #ian chun #tabitha durant

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my-castles-crumbling · 18 days

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Hi there, you can totally ignore this if you want, but I’ve seen you helping others with queer identity questions before, so I was hoping you might be able to help me as well?

I’m (She/her) in the midst of figuring out my sexuality at 22, after growing up in a super small, rural, conservative area, so up until I was 20 I just assumed I was straight and that everyone felt the same I did (apparently not😅). I know that not everyone needs a label, but due to some past experiences with severe invalidation regarding a lack of labels medically, I find a lot of comfort in them, so it’s something that definitely matters to me!

Here’s the (PG-13?) basics; • I am definitely attracted to Women, in every sense of the word, but I’ve only ever dated Men. • I’m definitely Aesthetically attracted to men, as well as romantically, and I love the idea of dating a man. • I don’t think I’m sexually attracted to men? I’m quite neutral about sex with men. For example, I don’t particularly enjoy it, but it’s something I’m willing to do for a partner.

(Side note, I wholeheartedly believe that Trans Men are Men, and Trans Women are Women, regardless of where they are in their transition, so there’s no difference there to me, unless a person tells me themself that they feel they fall into a different category, at which point we would go from there, obviously)

As of right now, I’ve been tentatively going with bisexual, but I’m just not sure how accurate that is? Like I said, I grew up with VERY little information about anything queer related.

Again, I totally understand if you don’t want to answer, but you’ve helped so many other people, so I figured you might be the best person to ask?

Thanks In advance, -🌸

Hi!

So I think something that a lot of people don't realize is that there's a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. Its discussed a bit more in the ace/aro community, but it can be different for everyone, whether you're ace or not.

It seems to me like you might be somewhat close to biromantic, but homosexual (aka gay, lesbian, what have you). Meaning you can form romantic connections with men and women, but you are sexually attracted to only women.

As far as a label, since it is important to you, this could be the label you go with! If, however, you want a simpler label that more people understand (though it is not your responsibility to be understandable to everyone), I don't think there's anything wrong with going with bisexual or gay or queer. Honestly, the label you use is whatever is most validating and helpful to YOU.

Let me know if that helps! I hope it does!

(Also I am naming you flower anon.)

#ask #asks #ask cas #flower anon

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symphonic-scream · 10 months

Text

The Phantom Queers Notes

Thanks to the ever patient Cap for putting up with me gushing about them nonstop! Love you cap

Anyways. Ahem.

Firstly; the Noir's mural. I said it was based off of official art from Mementos Mission? Yeah so I wanted to add that image to this post so anyone who hasn't seen it can see it and know what I meant

So it's like this. But with more vines.

And now onto the notes

Haru's dad slowly adapting to his daughter being with someone like Makoto and just,

Okumura: invite your wife to our next brunch. I'm ready to have a meal with the person who makes you glow

Haru: are you ready for that? Neither of us want to push you

Okumura: I'm ready. I love you, and you love her so much. It's about time I let you show me such

This is after like. Eight years of him knowing Makoto. There were some very awkward talks in the beginning but mans did his research! He knows how to be respectful!

He even frames a photo of their little family and keeps it on his desk, with little trans and lesbian flag stickers in the corners. He updates it every year as his grandsons grow older

(THATS RIGHT I HAVE MORE ABOUT THE SONS YOULL GET TO LEARN ABOUT THEM)

Teenage Makoto and Haru going to see a spy movie as their first date as girlfriends, Makoto nervous because sure Haru knows she's trans already, but what if-

They end up making out halfway through in the back of the theatre.

Haru: this was lovely! We should go on some more dates, yes?

Makoto: y-yeah! That would be very nice,

And Haru gives her a goodbye kiss, a full one right out in the middle of the street, waving her fingers with a little wink as she gets on her train, Makoto just standing there watching her new girlfriend walk away with her heart beating out of her chest

Their first place together is a dorm at university. They push the beds together to make a double, though they sleep so closely they'd only need a single. Little flags on the bag of the door, little polaroids from dates and hangouts with their new friends on a wall, the way Makoto's study space is sparse, with clicky pens and things to safely chew on, and Haru's having plants and life and so many colours-

Makoto finding out Haru's actually pregnant and just. She's so relieved. She didn't ruin it all for her love,

But Haru would've been so happy either way, even if their kid didn't have Makoto's eyes or, like their second and third, her rebellion and cute little nose-

Okay gonna lay out the sons real quick! They have three sons; Seiji is their first born, has Makoto's sharp red eyes, Haru's curls, and a general softer shape to him. When he's like middle school age he goes a bit emo, remains into dark colours and music. And he loves to cook! Loves food

Then there's the twins, Kazuto and Hiroto. Dark curls, Haru's softer eyes, but they have that Niijima spark, they look more like Makoto did as a kid. Identical twins too! Pure evil. Menaces. Cunning and with sharp grins, their moms are lucky they aren't into arson

Sae, just barely out of university, now the legal guardian of her little brother and just. Sitting there as this little middle schooler comes out to her, and-

Well. She has to do everything she can for her sister.

Makoto: here, let's look at my childhood photos

Hifumi: you, do that? Look at photos from before you transitioned?

Makoto: it's different for everyone. I'm fine with it, I know Yusuke has a select few saved, Futaba doesn't like it for other reasons-

Makoto: I did change my name though. We have nothing that remains with my dead name on it. That is where I draw my boundaries. I cannot handle hearing it on my worst days

Hifumi: I see

Makoto: it wasn't me. And while I'm not as feminine as you or Haru, I'm still a woman

Hifumi: I'm starting to make sense of this all, thank you so much

Makoto: that's what family is for, sis

-new note-

Haru: if you want to discuss, hm, reassignment procedures, with someone, I know Yusuke is rather open about his. He'll even give you his professional's number

Hifumi: why are you saying it that way?

Haru: Makoto has, a thing with. *Hospitals*. So, I tend to reword those things

-new note-

Makoto: I'll wake up early and make Haru breakfast in bed for our first mother's day, I'll have the little one strapped to my chest nothing can go wrong!

Hifumi: what happened to you

Makoto, sitting on the kitchen floor covered in flour and butter, her infant son playing with Johanna on the couch: I tried to cook with a baby. Help me please

Hifumi entertains the baby while Makoto makes a plate of scones, an omelette, and a little fruit salad for her wife

"I just get so distracted when he's with me. I lost all focus"

"yeah but the flour?"

"I was measuring it. Saw Seiji clap. So, I clapped."

"Ah."

Haru wakes up to her son giggling on Makoto's side of the bed, her wife tracing soft kisses up from her hand

"happy mother's day, baby"

"Happy mother's day, Love"

They both have the day off, and just spend a nice day with their lil guy

Haru: if this is mother's day, I wonder what you'll do for my birthday?

Makoto: ah, well Seiji won't be helping me with those plans. That'll be a very special night out, just us two. After a morning with his plans of course

Haru: I'm so lucky I have you,

Makoto: sjdbskdhxidbdj baby,,

-new note-

Makoto: happy birthday baby

Haru: you, bought that small building between us and the shop next door?

Makoto: let's go inside and you'll see your gift. Full home gym, with a little sauna and hot tub room in the back

Haru: ...not gonna lie Love this looks more like a gift for you

Makoto: did you notice the lounge chairs? This is a private show for you~ I know you hate coming to the gym to watch me, so-

Haru: I LOVE IT

Makoto: you can have a private showing whenever you'd like, baby. All for you

Haru: can we, have a go right now?

Makoto: of course. Are you okay with me working on arms and upper body?

Haru: YES

haru just in her lil lounge chair aggresively sipping water

cause shes thirsty

(green was Cap akfhdj)

Staring at the back muscles

Makoto has to wear a long sleeve shirt to her run with Ryuji the next morning. Normally she runs in the like, sports bra thing. But her arms, back, and abs are. Covered. From Haru enjoying her gift

Haru: I'm gonna kiss every muscle on you

Makoto: oh wow

Ryuji: whyre you wearing a shirt? You hate the sweat cling

Makoto: Haru's birthday yesterday

Ryuji: ...fuck I forgot to get her anything she's gonna kill me- wait. GROSS DUDE DONT TELL ME ABOUT-

Makoto: I DIDNT MAN STOP YELLING

Makoto and Haru at like a parents night for the preschool Seiji goes to just trying to ignore the straight gossip going around all around them

One couple: hehe we're trying to give her a sibling, trying for a baby is soooo much work

Makoto: ...they're just openly admitting they fu-

Haru: shh, Love. I know. Don't get too stressed though, you have to be in good health for our appointment tomorrow.

Makoto: think we should tell people we're also trying? But heavily imply we're just fu-

Haru: yes. Absolutely. Put your hand in my back pocket, I'll leave a little mark on your neck-

Makoto excitedly explains this at the appointment they go to the next morning, she's had to take those. Relax pills before so she's a lil loopy, and Haru just smiles so tenderly as they run the tests on her wife. She loves their little family,, so glad the medical field has a way for them to have kids (I'm making shit up idk man. Au magic this world made it possible I don't wanna think about it too hard)

Makoto: ...do you also find it weird we only have sons

Haru: shh don't think Love. Happy moment, no gender thoughts. Hold one of the twins, be mesmerized by the baby

Haru adores her wife and their sons so much. Even if their oldest turns emo and the twins are feral demons

Akira: when I first met you two you were getting the drunkest out of the group at every night out, dancing all over each other- I'm pretty sure you two were making out more than you weren't

Makoto: I remember our uni days, ha

Haru: mm, good times

Ann: you guys were. All over each other then

Haru: it was our first time getting to be open about us! It was exciting.

Makoto: we're just as all over each other now, we just know how to close doors

Ryuji: and DONT ACT LIKE YOU AND SHIHO DONT JUST MAKE OUT ON THE COUCH

Ann, three drinks in: you think that's all we do on that couch?

Yusuke: ...I think we need to sober her up before my roommates kill each other

Akechi, already grabbing the hose: on it

Ann and Ryuji, very wet the next minute:

Akechi: problem solved. Hey, lesbians. If you get too handsy you're getting sprayed next

Haru holds her hands up in the "don't shoot" position

Hifumi just sits to the side and drinks with Futaba, watching them all

Futaba: you want to stay on our couch tonight? Going home with Mrs and Mrs "Horny Drunk" won't lead to good things for your mental health

Hifumi: ...please tell me you're not speaking from experience

Futaba: me? No. Goro? Oh yes. Watching him be unable to look at either of them for four months was hilarious

Hifumi makes it back home around noon and notices only Makoto is in the house space

Hifumi: hey, where's Haru?

Makoto: hm? Oh, she's working downstairs. Want some tea? I can make you a plate of eggs?

Hifumi: Haru out drank everyone, how is she functioning?

Makoto: she's somehow immune to the hangover. Nah, I'm kidding. She drank water between every drink. Then it was the Gatorade and coffee mix, with a plate of my "Hangover Eggs". Neither of us have ever had a rough morning. Not since the first month of uni

Hifumi: ...I'll take a plate of the eggs, please

The day Haru finds out she's pregnant is. One of the best days in their household

She and Makoto had been having monthly appointments with their doctor over the last year, and. She'd felt off since the week after the last one but- she thought takin the test was wishful thinking

But the eight tests all read positive and- man she's gotta think of a way to tell Makoto

Before she gets a chance some dude tries to rob Noir's, barely nicks her with his knife but she goes to the hospital as a precaution cause tetanus

Makoto gets a call from one of the workers telling her her wife is at the hospital, they were robbed, and she gets there and is so relieved to see Haru looking alright, just some bandages around her arm, and Haru just Smiles

Eventually a doctor comes in to give Haru the all clear, but he pauses before they leave like: oh, and we did check. You're coming along just fine

Makoto: what does that mean?

Doctor: the pregnancy. Ms Okumura is early on, but all is going well

Makoto: ...it worked? Youre-

Haru: surprise?

Makoto is excitedly telling everyone for the next few months. Sure Haru was the one who wanted children more of the two, but that doesn't mean Makoto didn't want this. Her wife is pregnant! They're having a kid! And by some miracle, it's their kid

Ann: wait. How

Yusuke: but. You're on estrogen? There should be no way-

Ryuji: GROSS YOU GUYS DID IT?!

Shiho: ...Ryuji, stay on point here

Haru: science

Makoto: lesbian magic

Goro: I'm not watching your little spawn

Akira: dibs on godfather!

Futaba: in surprised you kept it a secret this long. Both of you suck at secrets

Makoto: no we don't

Haru: ...love you accidentally told me you were going to propose three days before you did it

They're much more open when they decide to go for a second kid, mostly because they're more convinced it'll work this time

Ryuji: gross

Ann: we already went over this. Science baby. Not like with straight people

Ryuji: but still

Makoto: you've known us for like ten years. How are you still like this

Ryuji: IDK YOU GUYS ARE LIKE THE PSEUDO MOMS I DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT YALL FUCKING

Makoto: so stop thinking about it?

Ryuji: ...oh.

Ann: DUDE SERIOUSLY

Then there's a bit about Ann and Shiho, how they decide to have a donor baby, and. End up with Triplets. Two daughters; Asami, Nikko. And then a son, Tsukito

Makoto: Seiji, turn off the TV, go play with the trio

Seiji: but mom, they're playing field hospital again. They're gonna make me the patient

Makoto: buddy, sometimes we have to make sacrifices. You and I will have a day to ourselves if you do it, okay?

Seiji: can we go to the farmers market?

Makoto: uh sure

Seiji has the red eyes but the twins are pure evil

Makoto: Kazu, Hiro, how did you get up there

The twins, literally on the roof: climbed

The twins have the like innocent Haru smile. Devious

There's cunning behind those eyes. They have the Niijima mind

Kazu: mom I don't feel good

Makoto: oh no, what happened- ...why is there a pencil in your arm

Hiro: hi mom

Makoto: ...both of you. What happened. Why are there pencils in your arms

Kazu and Hiro: we wanted to see if we could stab each other hard enough

Makoto: get in the car we're going to the hospital

Kazu: we're going on a hunger strike

Hiro: we want the bigger room. There's two of us

Seiji: I'm older. Nice try.

Kazu: we will make you give in

Hiro: I'm studying up on CIA torture tactics

Kazu: we both take martial arts. You will give us the room

Seiji: oh yeah? You think I won't survive? Try me

Makoto: baby the boys are waging war

Haru: eh, they're tire each other out. Feel up for a workout?

Makoto: HARU WE HAVE A PROBLEM

Haru, who was working the shop downstairs: Love? What's wrong

Makoto: I lost the babies

Haru: ...what

Makoto: I didn't think they'd figure out how to open the door i- baby the babies fucking got out-

Seiji: they're under the couch they just opened it and went under the couch

Makoto: what did we do to deserve this

Haru: I mean, we did fuck at a party and break the urn with someone's grandmother's ash's in uni

Makoto: oh yeah. And then we blamed Goro

Uni Makoto and Haru are just. A different breed. Them in high school was sweet, them after is domestic with a hint of spice, but. The in between.

They all go to the grand opening of Noir and. Just stare at how normal the two are

Ann: no visible hickies... It's a miracle

Akira: I can't believe it. They've been tamed

Haru: hi darling, think you'll lie on your stomach for me?

Makoto: ngh, wait, its-

Haru: don't think about it. We'll get your shot over with quick, and then we can have the day in bed. I promise. We took today off for a reason

Makoto: nooo I don't want it,

Haru: you're just saying that, you love you. You won't be the you you worked so hard for if you weren't brave enough for a little shot

Makoto: ...will it be quick?

Haru: I'll even numb the area with ice

Makoto: and we can kiss all day?

Haru: whatever you want

Makoto: fine. Give me the e,

Haru: you call me baby and yet,

Makoto: OW

Haru: that's the ice, Love

Haru: there, all done.

Makoto: did you use the

Haru: yes, I used the Buchimaru band aid

Makoto: I love you so much

Haru: I love you too

Makoto: kiss time?

Haru: I suppose~

Makoto later on: hey, thanks for not listening. I'm already feeling better

Haru: I know darling, it's hard to stab you sometimes but I know it's what makes my girl happiest

Makoto: mm,

Sae: since you two are going to be rooming together when you go off to uni, it's time I passed on the torch

Haru: oh?

Sae: Makoto is a coward about her hormone shots. No matter how much she says she doesn't want it, she does. Unless she has a serious conversation about detransitioning on a non shot day, don't listen. Give her a lollipop or something, anything else to focus on. She does best lying down. She can't kick you if you sit on her calves-

Haru: i- have you been doing this all this time?

Sae: yes. And now we will have the awkward experience of me helping you give her the shot. It'll be weird. But it'll be your responsibility as her partner

Haru: I'm ready, Chief

Makoto: hey, sis- Haru? Wait, no

Sae: yes. Pants off. Lie down.

Makoto: NO WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND I WANNA BE A GUY

Haru: will you lie down for me my Love?

Makoto: ...uh yeah

Sae: pants.

Makoto: bite me.

Sae: Makoto, you know this is what's best for you

Makoto: lies

Haru: I'll hold your hand if that helps? And give you a kiss after for being so brave?

Makoto: you're much more convincing than sis

Sae: alright Haru, that's it. You did it, congrats

Makoto: I'm dead. You killed me

Haru: you're rather attractive for a corpse

Sae: I'm leaving now. I'll bring home dinner. Don't do anything stupid

Hifumi: oh I do my own shots

Haru: my wife is just a big baby about them, and I mean that affectionately

Makoto: yeah I. Don't do well with anything of that sort

Haru: our fertility appointments are. Very planned. She takes one of those relaxation pills before we go

Makoto: it's tough but it's worth it for the chance to give Haru anything she desires

Makoto is the most doting wife while Haru is pregnant. Foot rubs, vitamins, skin creams and talking to their son every day

"today your mama gave your mom her shot. That's right, your mama shot me"

"Makoto-"

"just kidding kid. She helped me feel more like myself, and I love her so much. You've got the best mama ever"

"They have the best mom too"

Haru: ...Makoto?

Makoto: it's 2 am,, what is it baby?

Haru: I want. Cold soba noodles

Makoto: easy enough,

Haru: covered in chocolate

Makoto: ...

Slow dancing in the kitchen, Makoto behind Haru, hands entwined over Haru's dark apron, heads leaned together

Makoto: a night to ourselves,

Haru: Hifumi moved out a year ago, and the kids are staying at the Quad,, so it's just us

Makoto: shall we treat ourselves? I can make you steak? Break out the good wine? We can have a nice bath, turn in early for some, us time

Haru: can you make baked potato with the steak?

Makoto: anything for you

Haru: carry me to bed later?

Makoto: of course

Buff Makoto and her pudgy baker wife, And their emo chef son and two demon spawns

Thinking back to scared little high school Makoto, more scrawny than anything, and petite Haru seated beside her, their pinkies barely entwined, both blushing and looking away

To Uni them, with Makoto playing rugby recreationally and Haru being very much a fan of that, them making out and boinking literally anywhere possible, somehow like top of their classes while still going all out for the fun side of things

Makoto being very awkward with Haru's dad.

Kunikazu: so. You are. Transgender?

Makoto: yep.

Kunikazu: you want to be, a boy?

Makoto: w-wrong direction, sir

Haru: you can't do anything, father. I love her.

Kunikazu: I see

Makoto: ...can I go home? And hire a bodyguard?

Kunikazu: I suppose you two can live together. Just. I do not want a surprise grandchild

Haru: that's not even possible

Makoto: yeah I'm leaving

Haru: father and I will be having monthly brunch

Makoto: oh, joy,

Haru: just us. You're not invited

Makoto: ...did he-

Haru: I uninvited you

Makoto: I love you so much

Haru: no marks, I'm seeing my dad tomorrow! Makoto-

Makoto: but baby,

Haru: ...no visible marks at least

Makoto: ...fuck I forgot the rule

Haru: it's, well. I didn't try to stop you,

Makoto: your dad is gonna murder me

Haru: he won't, he likes you, he's just. Still in his learning phase

Makoto: yeah but you're gonna walk in tomorrow looking like a dalmatian

Haru inventing the Gatorade coffee in university after a night of. Heavy drinking with her girlfriend. Waking up and feeling like death itself and just. Trying to make coffee but she's barely looking and brews it with. Gatorade instead of water

Haru: I know you spoke to Yusuke, but Makoto gave me permission to tell you about her surgery experience

Hifumi: oh?

Haru: she had top, which I'm sure you've noticed by now. She likes to ditch the shirt more than usual

Hifumi: yes

Haru: but she had such a horrible time recovering she cancelled for bottom and just. Never got it

Hifumi: oh. And she's okay with that?

Haru: it works for her. Makoto's never been, violently dysphoric about her body. Not since I met her. Her voice was one thing, but now she's at her best

Hifumi: thank you for sharing, and tell her thanks too

Haru: of course! And let me know if you need someone for care afterwards or to drive you to and from

Haru dealing with miserable Makoto post op from top and just

Haru: my poor girl,

Makoto: I'm dying,,

Makoto: but at least I'll die with boobs,

Haru: okay let's give you some more pain meds, HEY DONT TOUCH, MAKOTO-

Makoto: ow,,,

Makoto: I just wanted to feel,

Haru: I know you and your hands, but give it some recovery time, please

Sae walking into Makoto's room during their first sleepover in high school and just. Seeing the two all curled up, the content looks on their faces, She sees Makoto stir and the minor look of horror on her face at getting caught by her sister but, Sae just smiles, whispers a loud goodnight, and turns back

Haru nuzzles closer, and Makoto just. Smiles.

Them watching Seiji in a school play and just trying not to fight the group of mom's at the back of the room who are chatting

Makoto: the disrespect-

Haru: Love his line is coming up, make sure the camera is on!

Makoto: wait, shit, where did the twins go?

Haru: ...we can worry about bailing them out later

Surprisingly that's it?? But one last joke Cap made that I felt I needed to share

"of course Makoto's trans her Persona is a Transformer"

#long post #the phantom queers #makoto niijima #haru okumura #okujima #makoharu

46 notes · View notes

ashes-writing · 2 years

Text

at last | ahs - freak show ; j.darling

tag list babes || req. rules / fandoms+characters || got a req? || masterlist

CHAPTERS ;

This is a one shot... for now. Masterlist for AHS can be found here.

AUTHORS NOTES;

This was inspired by the fact that I woke up and chose violence in the form of angst, there not being nearly enough love for Jimmy Darling on this hellsite and oldies on Spotify and maybe just a smidge of The Notebook. Oh and a prompts list which is this one right here

SUMMARY;

-- you grew up with him and somewhere along the way, you fell in love. aka, the one where unrequited love becomes requited.

PAIRING;

Jimmy Darling x Fem!Reader (aside from having female parts, this one is a bit better of a blank slate I am uh.. still transitioning from writing OC works to writing Reader works so yeah.)

WARNINGS;

Angst. That is the warning.

TAGLIST;

There's nobody on my American Horror Story taglist. If you'd like to be, please click the little link up top and add yourself or tell me and I'll do it.

OTHER STUFF;

Reader has been adopted by Elsa Mars and raised as her own from a young age. None of the plot of Freak Show is mentioned here save for Jimmy losing his mother and Maggie being in the first half. This is all I have for this particular thing so if you want to see more or maybe you want me to make a series out of this please lmk. Otherwise, this is a one shot.

“Let me go, Jimmy.”

You give him a pleading look. The suitcases are already packed, and a taxi is on its way. You tried so hard to stick around, the carnival is your only family and it’s the only thing you’ve ever known because Elsa Mars adopted you when you were no older than three.

But you’re 19 now.

All grown up.

You’ve been in love with Jimmy Darling for years and you can’t take another second pining away in secret.

“So you’re just gonna leave, doll? That it? We’re family til we ain’t anymore?” Jimmy looks so hurt. So oblivious. And he sounds so cold when he says it. “Maggie, she was right. You were always too good for this place.”

Maybe hearing her name come out of the mouth of the man you love for the millionth time is what prompts you to do it. And you figure there’s no harm, it’s not like he’ll return the feelings and it’s not like it’ll change anything that you’ve decided.

“I’m so sick of her.” you say it without thinking. Bitterness welling up from deep within as you shake your head when Jimmy goes to speak up, to say something. “Look.” you rub the bridge of your nose and you sigh, taking a deep breath. “I can’t pretend anymore, alright?”

Jimmy steps up, blocking your path when you step over with every intention of grabbing your suitcase and leaving the rest of what you’ve stopped yourself from saying unsaid.

Elsa, your adoptive mother peeks in. “Your taxi is almost here, darling. Have you said your goodbyes to everyone?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“She’s going t’ go off and make a name for herself, Jimmy! Aren’t y’ so excited for her?” the words are said with a hint of mocking as brown eyes linger on Jimmy Darling. He’s just lost his mother and now, he’s losing you. The love of his life. The one girl he’s always wanted, always put on a pedestal and told himself he’d never have because he’s disfigured, he’s a freak. You’re too good for him, he could never give you the life you deserve.

“Yeah. Real excited.” Jimmy’s tone is flat.

“Make your last goodbye quick, my little darling! It’s almost time to go.” and with this, Elsa Mars is gone, the door swinging shut soft behind her.

“Why are you even here? Doesn’t Maggie need something?” you say it quiet and you say it with what you hope is a voice that doesn’t contain a hint of jealousy or bitterness. “Aren’t you in love with her now?”

This is the exact reason you know you can’t stay here. Pining away in secret ultimately leads to bitterness and anger and that’s not a way you want to live your life. It’s already started, you’ve bent over backwards since her arrival to try to find something wrong with her, something that’ll get her run off. Away from him. Away from your family.

You step around him to grab your suitcase one last time and you can’t help or stop it when the words come tumbling out. “I’ve loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you, Jimmy.” you want to disappear on the spot, but you swallow down the lump in your throat and you keep going, “It hurts, ya know? I ache for you. And you don’t even… It’s like I’m not good enough because I’ve tried so hard.”

You pick up the suitcase and start to make your way out of the little silver camper. As you’re walking towards the road to wait for the taxi, Maggie stops you and you sigh, defeated. “You win. Just… take care of him, please?” you mumble, “Take care of him.”

You hurry towards the road and you’ve made it halfway, but you’re stopped. Whirled around with force that catapults you straight into him. Webbed fingers grip either side of your face clumsily and he’s leaning down, his forehead against your own. “Baby no… c’mon doll, you don’t have t’ do this, please stay. C’mon,” he’s pleading frantically and rough lips attack your softer ones hungrily as he continues to beg, “Don’t leave me too. I love you. I really love you, I mean it.”

You pull away because you’re wary of it at first. But he’s just about to cry and you can’t take it. “Jimmy..” you trail off, raising a hand to wipe at your eyes. “You’re just saying that. You’ll be fine, you’ll see. You’ll..” you wipe your eyes again, “You’ll forget all about me and it won’t take long, either.”

The taxi comes to a slow and screeching halt and you get into it, paying the driver as you light up a cigarette with shaking hands. “Where to, miss?”

“The train station. I’m leaving for New York today.” you manage a weak smile. And the whole time, your heart is breaking into a million pieces on the inside.

Jimmy watches you leave and Maggie wanders up. “You loved her, huh?”

“She’s the reason I wasn’t leavin yet. I.. stayed t’ be close to her. Just told myself I couldn’t have her.”

“Where’s she going?”

“Elsa said somethin’ about New York.”

Maggie isn��t stupid, she knows their brief and fleeting thing is over, right then, on the spot. She sighs and gets him looking at her. “I don’t love you. Not like her.”

And somehow, hearing her say it doesn’t hurt at all. Not nearly as much as you leaving.

“Remember everything you told me? About the future? About a little house in the middle of town? I think you know who you really imagined all of that with. Let her go for now.. But go to her.”

Jimmy thinks it over and he takes a shaky breath.

– ( 2 years later )

You’re exhausted. All you want to do is go up to your little studio apartment and sleep. You’re pushing your way through a crowded street a block away from your place and you think you see him in the crowd but you quickly put the thought out of your head. Elsa’s last letter hinted that the show had broken up and you can only assume that Jimmy went on to build his dream life with his dream girl.

Because when he tried to stop you from leaving that day, you’re almost certain that when he said he loved you he meant like family. Like a friend or a sister, because that’s essentially how you’d been raised with him.

So you’re almost completely certain that seeing him in crowds and catching hints of that cheap cologne and the pomade he used in his hair are just residuals and you tell yourself that one day, this won’t happen anymore. One day, you’ll forget all about him.

You know it’s a lie but it keeps you going.

You’re just about to step into the lobby of your building when you feel hands on your hips and you whirl around, ready to attack.

Jimmy is standing there. Wild flowers in one hand and a weak smile.

It takes a second for you to process. You blink twice and he doesn’t disappear in front of you.

“I’ve loved y’ since the first time I laid eyes on ya, doll. Are you almost done with this shit?” he gestures to the busy sidewalk and the crowded street you live on. You’re frozen, mouth and brain utterly useless because neither one wants to work on their own, let alone together. “Jimmy..”

“Yeah, kitten?” he steps closer, towering over you. Pulling you close by wrapping an arm around your waist. “I hate this place. It’s too noisy, doll. Let me take y’ home?” he mutters, closing the distance between his mouth and yours.

“Jimmy, what about…” you’re not allowed to finish what you were about to ask because he’s pulled you up his body, your legs around his waist. “Darlin..” he coaxes, teeth locking on your bottom lip as he deepens the kiss, “I tried t’ let you go, alright? I..I can’t. I love you. It’s you, okay? It’s always been you.”

“Take me home, Jimmy.” you gasp out as your mouths crash against each other all over again…

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