sometimes I want to be more genderfluid and switch around to whatever seems right for the moment. but at the same time, while having a more masculine persona, immediately lose the support, trust, and kindness of fem peers. but when having a more fem persona, men treat me like a stupid, useless inanimate object they wouldn't be caught dead respecting. just want to be treated equally by everyone, the same way I treat everyone equally regardless of their sex/gender/anything else. so makes me mostly want to stick to a genderless form now, but generally people are obsessed with assigning a gender to me so get treated one way or other anyway. makes me wish to not be perceived at all and to blend in and treated equally by all. why's that so hard to ask for.

i already touched on it in my post on the new episode, but i wanted to talk a bit more about viewing unity through a queer lense. warning this post is long and possibly incomprehensible because im sick.

ive always thought it kind of wild that so many people missed the memo about rick being pansexual when the first explicit partner of his we get to meet is unity (i say explicit because birdperson shows up before unity, and while i do believe rick is definitely meant to be into him, you wouldn't know that from his first appearance and it's not clear if c137 ever had romantic/sexual relations with bp or if it was purely unrequited). it seems obvious to me that there was queer shit going on in auto erotic assimilation, so rnm fans being all homophobic seems puzzling, because that episode came out in 2015. queer shit going on in this show is not new, why do people act surprised everytime it happens? to be honest, the new episode gave me a bit of clarity there.

so, a relationship with unity being queer might be obvious to me and my fellow gays, but it is played very safe. the majority of rick's interactions with unity are through female bodies it inhabits, and especially the main sort of ambassador lady. it almost feels like she is unity first and foremost, with all the other bodies it has being some cool power of hers, an offshoot of that one specific alien rather than equal parts of who unity is.

and yknow, that's clearly intentional, nobody ever went broke for appealing to straight men, but there is something there. i do think the choice to make the first serious relationship the audience gets to see from your main character be with a hivemind that assimilates regardless of gender is a cool one. because like i said in the other post, that makes being with unity a sort of pansexual microcosm. the first episode had a couple nods to rick not exclusively sleeping with the female bodies under unity's control, and i think this new episode was worse about making unity basically feel like it is mainly supposed to be that one alien. unity gets called she/her a lot in this episode, but there was that one line "don't talk to them like that" which i found... interesting.

it is possible im overthinking unity's pronouns. hell, i have multiple sets of pronouns, and im not even a hivemind. but that specific line did seem like, idk, intentional? yknow like when the pronouns were inconsistent in the first episode that was coming from morty and summer who were just meeting unity. i don't think rick even used pronouns to refer to unity in the first episode, but in the new one that's what he says to curtis, who's talking to unity through The Main Alien Lady. "don't talk to them like that" while later he uses she/her when talking to wong. unity's pronouns come across to me as written for the queer folks to catch the ~vibe~ and the straight folks to not have to notice at the same time.

honestly a lot of unity comes across that way. at the same time it can be this genderless entity experiencing life through many bodies, but also maybe more like one woman who happens to be able to control a planet's worth of people. and yeah, i get it. everybody wants to make the gays happy but nobody wants to lose the straights business. if rick's ever allowed to have a more explicit queer relationship than the referenced history with nimbus, that'll piss some people off. rick and morty fans in particular have a penchant for being intense and sometimes they're weird about minorities even though rick is one like 3 times over.

so like, i loved this new episode a lot, but i do feel like there was a missed opportunity to be a bit more ballsy with unity. i don't think it should've been represented by the same body as last time, that makes it feel like just another sexy alien lady for rick to have the hots for and i think it can be more interesting than that, yknow?

WEDDING REVENGE. MIYA ATSUMU

timeskip! Miya Atsumu x Fem! Reader

a/n: This is extremely self indulging with some stuff i've been dealing with lately and i just want comfort

C/W: MINORS DNI, VERY VERY HEAVY, mentions of sh (not in detail) , suicidal thoughts, panic attack, sexualish content, reader is from a country that doesn't speak japanese

You're not mad at Miya Atsumu. You're disappointed that's for sure. Now you have to get on the plane by yourself and try not to break down at this wedding all alone. Always alone, huh. They were right you will always be alone.

You left that place to prove yourself. Prove to them that you could survive the harsh world alone. You would grow and you didn't need them. You left them because it was good for you. But now you're going back. You wanted to come back stronger, and more successful then any of them.

You were successful that's for sure. You had your dream job. Athletic trainer for MSBY in osaka, Japan. You chased your dream and you didn't stop till you made it, but you were alone. You left "home" for a place thousands of miles away right after college. You only knew enough Japanese to get around, but you were determined to learn and live there, but now you are going back. Yes, it was just for a few days but you wished you never had too.

The memories held there were to much to bear. The people you will see, the voices you will hear, and the scents. Not only will you be battling the trauma you experienced but you will have to experience all of the people that were apart of it first hand.

please dont talk to me. please don't notice im there now that im alone.

Atsumu was kind. When he over heard you were going to a wedding ( you never actually said if you were going or not) he had asked if you were going alone. He could see your hesitancy. You repeated once again that you weren't sure if you were going, but if you were you would be alone. "i'll go with ya" He had said with a smile. You never got to say no, but you found comfort in his response. Glad he would be there with you. You wouldn't be alone anymore.

You bought the plane tickets and he sent you money for his. You felt happy that he was gonna go with you. You felt more secure knowing that he was gonna be with you. Someone who was like you. From the few times you guys hung out he accepted you for you. He listened to your interests and never made you feel invisible.

Now it felt like the times you would go home to an empty apartment. That didn't change till recently when every weekend Atsumu would come knocking at your door just to walk in and spend several hours on your couch bothering you.

-----------------------------‐--------------------

The actual service was over and now it was the reception. You saw them. The ones that hurt you. They were still together and they still seemed happy. They had each other. You on the other hand still felt out of touch. Like you weren't welcome here or accepted here.

Walking in to the reception their words from highschool were eating at you. It took so many years to get better. So many years spent grieving. So many years spent telling yourself that you were worth being alive. So many god damn years spent being comfortable by yourself and now all of it came crashing down.

They never had to feel the pain you did and it wasn't fair. Why didn't you just do it all those years ago. The pain would have ended. They would have understood how much pain they caused you. The confidence was gone. You felt like the same weak 16 year old. Nothing has changed.

Little did you know a 6'1 asshole with a slightly better blonde dye job was walking through the door to the resception asking everyone he incountered, in broken (your native language) if they had seen you. Thank god he knew who not to talk too.

One time after work he took you to Onigiri Miya and spent the whole night trying to break you to get you to tell him about your past. Not once did he look away from you as you spoke. It honestly was probably the longest Miya Atsumu has been quiet.

Once he saw you his signature grin appeared on his face and he lifted his hand up in the air and began to wave at you. You couldn't help but smile watching him. He was always so confident. Out of the corner of your eye you could see them watching. They had made a face. They must have been confused to see you with a friend let alone one they have never seen before. He ran over to your table and said "surprise!...are ya okay?". He genuinely seemed worried. That was new. Normally people don't care what you feel. Normally they try and steer the conversation away or not even look at you. Yet once again Miya Atsumu was watching you. Really watching you. "if yer not okay we can get outta 'ere"

"i'm okay. I promise," You faked a smile at him.

"okay stop sittin and lets dance," His grin appeared on his face again and he grabbed your hand. Somehow he walked to the dance floor like he's been here all night. Like he knew everyone here and was ready to have a good time.

What they say about him was true. He knew exactly how to stop time and make you feel like the most important person in the world. It was so god damn hard. How easily he was able to breakdown your walls, and have you fall into his arms at any given moment. The last thing you wanted was for all of this to be a joke. For him to just to be pretending so you give him attention and then leave you and have you question if you ever really knew him. Because you thought you knew a lot of people, but all of them hurt you and left.

"hey, the people behind me right now. They're the ones that hurt you right," He lightly moved his head back while still dancing to the music.

"yeah," you sighed out in response not exactly wanting to talk about them after trying to ignore them all night.

"i fuckin' hate her smug face back there. I saw it when I walked in 'an i knew that it was 'er." he said like she directly offended him. You let out a little giggle at that lookin at the ground. A little quieter and a little closer to you he lifted up your head with his fingers and told you "thats why i made such a scene when i came in. I wanted her and all of 'em to see that you have such a tall, sexy, muscular man on your side," He smirked at that and you couldn't help but let out a bigger laugh at that. Throwing you head back and immediately putting it back into place and covering your mouth. It's been a while since someone has made you felt this comfortable. He laughed at your wide eyes and shocked face holding his stomach. If people weren't looking at you guys before they definitely were now. You grabbed his arms and told him to shush while still giggling over the situation. Because he kept moving the two of you in circles when you looked up you made directed eye contact with her.

Your laughing stopped and your smile dropped just like you heart. All the memories came flooding back. The nights filled with with pain in more then one way. Filled with so many questions questions of why? And the fact that they just kept coming back to torture you more. They found every way to remind you that they were doing fine with out you. That they had no remorse for the pain they caused you. That they would always side with her no matter the amount of proof you had.

You didn't even realize his laughter had died down and he was now looking at you like he was trying to finish a puzzle, but that very last piece couldn't be found. "hey. Hey look at me. Let's go outside, yeah," he jerked his head towards the door and began to move your body towards them. He kept looking towards the door and back to you.

Once outside he sat you down at a bench and kept his hand on yours that was resting on your thigh and thats when you felt it. The heavy feeling on your chest and the racing thoughts. Thoughts about the fact that they are all talking about you. That you are still weak running away from your problems. Your stuck in the constant loop. She still had so much power over you. That if you just learned to keep your mouth shut none of this would have happened. Before you realized it was hard to breath, see, and even to hear. It's been a long time since you've had an attack like this. And it's so so embarrassing. You could hear small 'hey's said and his hands never left your body. He held them on your shoulders to keep you rooted to you seat. You could see him in your line of sight but everything was blurry. Like he was a ghost you made up to comfort you. He couldn't really be here. You didn't snap back into reality till you heard his calm voice tell you to breathe and him lifting you up to place you on his lap. He took of his suit jacket and placed it so it covered both of your faces. It layed on both of your heads and probably looked really stupid, but that didn't matter. All you could see was him.

"breathe with me," is what you heard him say. He exaggeratly breathed in and began to count. He did the same to breathe out. It was hard and you were doing those stupid little inhale hiccups trying to catch your breath. "ya are safe with me, okay." He held you close to him and held you tight. This is all you've ever wanted. He stayed and held you through it.

He didn't take his jacket off your heads still you stopped crying. A few tears would slip here and there but he was quick to wipe them. "when your ready were gonna go back there an kick some ass," you let out a little giggle at that again. He really knew you. He knew exactly what to do to brighten your day.

Before you could look over he watch the group of them leave the building. They were definitely looking for you because they were obsessed. That's all he could think. He thought they were sad human beings that had nothing better to then tear others down because they didn't feel good about themselves. You looked up at him and behind him you could see them looking around. Once they spotted you they began to converse with one another like they weren't searching for you.

Then the fire started in your gut. You could feeling nothing more then the years worth on anger bubbling inside you. You got up and began walking over there. You knew that Atsumu would hold you back when he needed to but right now he was to excited to see the drama unfold.

Before you knew it your fist collided with her nose. She fell back and then rest of them grabbed her and began asking if she was okay and calling you names. "alright little one it's time for you to go back to you hotel," Atsumu said as he rushed over to where you stood. He's never seen you this angry, and he knew that if he didn't stop you now it would end really badly. He asked you where your rental car was and took you back to it so you guys could leave the party.

You guys sat in your car in a comfortable silence as the sun went down and your tears slowly came to an end. "God knows how long i've waited to do that," you giggled. You felt crazy, but so much more free. Surpised that Atsumu didn't say anything you looked over.

He was just watching you. Love stuck puppy eyes on his face. You began to worry. He looked as though he was think a lot, and that was never a good sign. You felt stronger about yourself at this moment so you took the leap and decided to ask him what was up. "what are ya thinkin about," .

It took him so time to spit it out like he was worried you would punch him in the face too. "that was just- that was really hot,". Not in a million years did you imagine the Miya Atsumu would be calling you hot. He still looked at you like you put the stars in the sky but all you did was punch a girl from high school. "i-i've liked you for some time now, and i know that I sound stupid and you probably aren't ready for a relationship but god," he let got a breath that was similar to a giggle. He threw his head back and said "god what have ya done to me," He let out a longer laugh at that. After taking a deep breath in he looked directly into you eyes. "god i wanna kiss ya so badly. I wanna kiss you till all ya can think about is me" He said all while shaking his head slowly like he was fighting the words in his head.

"do it," is all you could say quietly with a breathy air to it. You kept looking between his eyes and his mouth. This was all so much but he just knew you. He knew what could get you to fall into him, and some how he knew your boundries.

He slammed his lips into yours and kissed you like he would never be able to again. If this is what Heaven is like you want to bask in its sunlight till you fry up and can't move. He leaned so far over the console just to chase your lips, and it seems as though he was holding himself back from crawling right over it and directly into you seat. You pushed him back a bit and got up on your knees. This time you were reaching over the console just to chase the lips you had to tell be quiet all the time. With the amount of filthy words that left his mouth all the time his lips were surpisingly sweet. He knew exactly when to bite, kiss, and lick. Could there possible be anything he wasn't good at. You felt his lips curve up into their signature smirk as you kissed and it made it all the hotter. Your sure the windows were fogged up at this point and it was so hard to not climb onto his lap and start unzipping your dress and unbutton his white button up.

He was right just from a kiss all you could think about was him. You wanted to see his abs in all their glory. You wanted to see his V-line more then just the teasing you saw when he stretched. You wanted to see where it lead and the rest of his happy trail. You wanted to see his thighs and bite and suck on them till he couldn't hide the hickeys. You wanted to hold on to his muscular back. Leaving long sratches down it so that ever time he moved he would remember the night you guys had together.

Once again it was hard to breathe, but this loss of breath felt much better. "please come stay at my hotel room" you asked. You hadn't realized the face you were making to him. Pupils blown out and lips swollen with need. You needed him, and he would never deny you of that.

"yes yes of course i will," At that you moved back to sitting in your seat and put your seatbelt on. Taking a deep breath you began to reverse out of the parking spot. Wow, today was eventful.

i wanna make a part 2 but ive never written smut before so its probably gonna be bad :,(

hxh theory: is feitan a p3d0phile?

tw's: mentions of l0l1c0n, paraphilia, p3d0philia, sadism and torture because its fucking feitan, cp (debatable if you consider l0l1c0n cp), mentions of problematic hxh ships such as feitan x kalluto and hisoka x gon

just a note: before you come at me with your pitchforks leaving hate in my asks and dms, i am not a fan of l0l1c0n nor am i trying to defend it, this post is a simple theory i have gathered by evidence in the manga, no one is saying that you should believe this theory, it's more of a "do with this information what you will" kind of thing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

so, you may be reading this title and you're thinking "what the actual fuck?" and you probably believe that i pulled this straight out of the deepest parts of my ass, but what if i told you i had some plausible evidence for this theory?

so, for starters, this thought actually came to me when i was reading a post by a user on here named @/cautionworks (i'm not going to tag them here because i don't know them nor do i want to seem like a bother) who made a post relating to their favorite ships (warning as the post does contain problematic ships such as hisogon and such, not saying in particular im against the ship, im just giving out a warning to anyone who is triggered by minor x adult ships) and there was a ship listed as feitan x kalluto.

in the passage it mentions that they found out that feitan may be into l0l1, which at first thought was a bit strange but once you think about it more, the concept isn't the most absurd for someone like him.

i haven't seen anyone actually talk about feitan possibly being into l0l1c0n, much less being a p3do, probably because of the anti's in the fandom.

so, lets get on with the actual evidence!

in the yorknew city arc, after he was done torturing the owl, he is seen reading a book by an author named trevor brown, and as stated on his hunterpedia page, trevor is a controversial artist who's work involves paraphilia; atypical sexual urges.

according to trevor's wikipedia page, "His work explores paraphilias, such as lolicon, ero guro, BDSM, and other fetish themes. Innocence, violence, misogyny, and Japanese popular culture all collide in Brown's art."

there is also a reddit post relating to this topic as well, and according to said post the topic was popular on tik tok at a certain period in time (not very important but i thought it was kind of interesting since im a tik tok user and content creator kind of)

so, does this make feitan a p3d0phile? i can see why people would think so, and i can also see why people wouldn't.

why i would is simple; trevor brown's art speaks for itself, the usage of fictional little girls in... lets just say, VERY interesting situations would make one assume off rip that feitan may be a p3d0phile, or at least a l0l1con, not to mention, togashi isn't afraid of making a character like this especially since we have hisoka (not saying hisoka is a p3d0, but many do, and im just trying to prove a point and give an example as to why the concept of feitan being a p3d0 isn't something completely out of the ordinary, hxh does get pretty dark after all).

why i wouldn't: i've seen some arguments that feitan may not hold the same views as trevor despite him doing some questionable things, similar to how people may like a certain character or even person in real life but not agree with everything they say or do, not to mention he doesn't seem to act weird or overly charming with kids like hisoka, he certainly isn't afraid to hurt or torture one (gon) but theres no actual implications outside of him reading this book by a controversial artist that he is sexually attracted to them.

but in my personal opinion, unless specified by togashi himself, or given any more details about how he feels about such things i wouldn't go as far as to call feitan a p3d0 just because he's seen reading a book by someone known to create l0l1 art, hell, he might be reading a book that doesn't include anything relating to p3d0philia, since the cover art isn't explicitly shown.

i was curious it you were willing to share how you worked out you had DID and not another dissociative disorder? you talk about the experience differently to what people normally portray and say you generally don't relate to how most people speak about their experiences, so im curious about how you worked out it was a possibility?

(really hoping this doesn't sound like fakeclaiming, that's not at all what I'm trying to do)

No worries, it doesn't sound like fakeclaiming. 👍

Hmmm... This one's hard to answer.

This is mostly speaking from a standpoint of someone who is no longer in an abusive home environment. Although I first started to question it when I was still living with my dad, I don't really have many memories of living there, and I didn't really take it seriously until after moving out.

A LOT of research. An absolute assload of research. Lmfao 😭

Surrounding myself with systems so that I could ask them questions, although this one can also be less helpful and more hurtful. I would stay away from most DID/OSDD-centered Discord servers. I know it sounds weird because I literally own one, but mine is the only good one out there so it's an exception (this is a half-joke 😭)

No, but seriously. A lot of them fucking suck. I have not been in a single good one besides mine throughout my entire years of questioning. This isn't an advertisement to join my server, but yeah 😭

Especially if the server has a lot of minors. It's not a "KiDs ThESe daYS" type of thing, it's more a "a lot of teenagers are highly uneducated about DID and OSDD and many of them tend to gravitate towards the more expected kind of DID presentation, which is. Very unhelpful. For everyone." And other issues too, but yeah, try to stay away from servers with a lot of minors. If you're a minor yourself, I'd say even moreso to try and avoid them if you can.

I recommend the DID/OSDD PsychForums. I still update my own thread every so often. I should've chosen a different username so that I'm not easily noticeable, but I guess it doesn't really matter to me if people figure out what account is mine. It's fairly obvious. If you know and see it, you'll know.

It took me, like, 3 years until I was fully able to really accept that my moods truly are what DID is. It was mostly me asking my therapist a lot "but I'm just always me, I'm always conscious, I'm never just someone else?" And her confirming multiple times that "yes, that is what DID is." Which I know is not very helpful for a lot of people.

I would still be questioning and in doubt if my therapist wasn't able to fully confirm that Yes, These Experiences Really ARE What DID Is.

The hardest part was/is actually trying to relate to the symptoms and such because of how unaware I was/am about my symptoms, and how unrelatable that a lot of the given descriptions of how the symptoms feel for people are.

I have a post in my drafts about what things have helped me and what things have harmed throughout my time questioning, and I'm sure that post would be super helpful when I can finish it one day, might try and see if I can do that later lol

Lots and lots of journaling. It never seems helpful in the moment, but trust me, you will be reading back things you've journaled about and the symptoms will become a lot more apparent.

Just yesterday I was going through my oldest Discord messages between me and an old friend, trying to archive my vents and such mostly, and I was appalled reading how DISTINCTLY different I would be based off of my typing, the things I would talk about, my general personality, and more. I never felt like a different person really, even in these moments when my friends would say I was different, and reading back these messages had me going "who the fuck WAS that HELLO??" 😭

If you use Discord frequently, it can be helpful to look back at old messages and see if you can notice any patterns, or just notice if you're describing any of the symptoms at all. I've been wanting to make a post sharing some of the stuff I've found from old messages where I was perfectly describing things like switching, etc. without even realizing it.

Noticing patterns is the biggest thing. It's the only way I can figure out my alters, is by figuring out patterns of my behaviors, feelings, etc.

It can be easy to dismiss anything and everything as "but that's not DID/not switching/etc. Because (xyz)", but take it from me: no matter how unhelpful you think it is to write something down, do it anyways. Your future self will thank you.

When people told me to try journaling, it frustrated me because I never saw the point because "I always remember the stuff I write down. What's the point? I don't find things I don't remember writing :/" which is still true for the most part, but the thing is, you might write something down and then in the FUTURE read it back and not remember it or not understand it or might notice a pattern, etc. So write shit down! No matter how silly, dumb, unhelpful you think it is.

Also, not sure if this will apply to anyone else, but I sometimes will feel silly/embarrassed/anxious about writing out something, and I have to remind myself that I am the only one who can read these things and I have control over who I may or may not share these things with. If that makes sense? Don't police yourself, kill the cop in your head. Write about anything you want, don't let the cop in your head make you feel cringe or embarrassed or like a bad person for writing certain things. It's okay.

Throw away the community labels. Forget about trying to figure out "do I have OSDD or DID or partial DID or???????-" forget about all of that and just worry about figuring out your experiences.

I wanted to know For Sure whether or not I had DID. I didn't wanna be told "write down your daily symptoms ^w^" I wanted to figure out whether or not I OBJECTIVELY was experiencing the symptoms. At all. Whatsoever. And I didn't know how to do that without having to look super deep trying to see if any of them even applied to me at all in general.

But figuring out your symptoms and experiences is precisely what will help you figure out if you have DID/OSDD.

My dissociative walls have been lessening a lot more precisely because of things like having epiphanies like realizing "oh, I struggle to throw away food when I don't like it/don't want it because growing up I wasn't allowed to jot eat food I didn't want or didn't like and I was shamed for it. I had to go to lengths to hide me trying to discard my food growing up, even going as far as flushing it down the toilet." And then giving myself permission to discard food I don't want and don't like.

Small things like that. Making realizations. They seem unhelpful and dumb in the moment, but they go a long way.

The biggest thing is this: You will figure things out with time. Be patient. Don't push yourself to know everything so soon. I kept expecting myself to have had it "figured it out by now", but it takes time. It takes a lot of time. Time will pass quickly and you will feel as if you made no progress, but time will pass and you will figure out things you didn't realize before.

There's definitely more helpful advice out there, but that's all I got.

People will also say symptom tracking as in "figure out when you dissociate; figure out your flashbacks; etc." But I still don't know how to tell what flashbacks are and I can't tell you if I'm dissociating, so my advice ends here 💀

right, im just gonna say this and leave it at that. i don't post things like this on my blog. but due to the discourse from last night and recent developments i feel like i can't hold my tongue back anymore.

first of all, i highly respect and appreciate every one of those anons that came through to me and voiced their opinion about mollie last night. im so sorry that you guys all clearly feel like you have to walk around on eggshells for her in fear of being attacked by her or her friends that actively harass and bully others online for differing beliefs

just a reminder that this ALL STEMMED FROM the fact that she was UNWILLING to simply put her gossip posts in a different tag. that was it. i had no other issue with mollie besides that. how absolutely crazy is it that it's come to this. are we not adults or what? i don't understand this. it truly is not complicated at all to create a new tag for your gossip so people who are annoyed or triggered don't have to look at it.

when everybody comes through with similar stories of what your true personality is then it ceases to become a minor issue.

it's come to my attention that clearly mollie enjoys the attention because this is how she responds to it.

this goes out to mollie and her friends that clearly keep an eye on the things that are being spoken about. it's not just me that has taken issue with your gossip. there are so many people that don't appreciate it, and instead of being a grown adult and hearing them out you instead take it in stride and give off an air of "whatever, its not my problem, deal with it" attitude. myself and others publicly tried to be civil and speak with you about these issues weeks ago and you blatantly ignore us. i ask you, what more are we to really do about it? i unfortunately had to block you and move on, but telling others to simply block you is not the solution to the problem.

you also seem to think that gossip isn't harmless. i would like to 1000% beg to differ on that. lets think about how many innocent people are harmed mentally by the affects of spreading gossip and online bullying. it's an epidemic. as a victim of bullying in my past, i am mortified to see that a 22 year old can be this spiteful. i stand up for those that get harassed, and im speaking on the behalf of everyone that has taken issue with you as well.

and importantly i also stand up for Austin on his behalf. he's a wonderful, lovely person and he doesn't deserve these kind of fans in his fanbase that perpetuate the gossip around his life when he wants to keep private.

i just can hope that one day she sees the error of her ways and really looks in the mirror to grow up.

anyone that wants to talk to me more about this if they want can do so in a reply to this post or in my asks.

tw general mentions of mental health

so i have this friend. let's call them emily. i've known emily for two years now, and they've grown to be one of my closest friends. mostly because we both really struggle with mental health stuff and at that point in my life no one else knew about those struggles. we helped each other through a lot of really crappy stuff and times. the difference is, in those two years, i've gone to, and am still in therapy, and have learned coping skills, have a support system etc etc etc ive tried convincing emily (on numerous occasions) to do the same, but they consistently refuse to do so, and they still pretty much only have me. there's also a ton of other stuff, but i could write a ten page essay about that. pretty much, our friendship, even though it's great feels kind of one-sided where im reaching out and they take weeks or months to respond (if they do at all) and dont really talk to me when we see each other in person and it's just getting really draining emotionally. so a few days ago, i finally make the decision to, well, not cut them off but pretty much tell them i'd had enough and im going to take a break for a while. they responded and pretty much just went straight to the self-deprecation (pretty much im sorry im so worthless and can't even maintain a friendship). and while im just so relieved that i've cut them off, more or less, to some degree, im just so worried since im all they have and if im gone who knows what will happen. so what should i do?

sorry for the long message

hum, that’s a tricky one.

First things first, I’d shove a WHOLE lotta resources on mental health in their messages. I know it may seem like your annoying them, but if it’s that bad they deserve to know there’s helplines and chats and groups that they can turn to. (I suggest vet them before you send them)

Secondly, sometimes it’s hard for people to realize they are allowed to reach out for help. Even if they only think it’s minor or it will take valuable space for others that “ are worst than them” But they have every right to reach out for help, their allowed to go to people with minor issues or major issues. And if you can somehow get that through their head you’ll probably see some improvement.

thirdly, I don’t think they can access traditional in person therapy as it seems. You can never know why, personally for me it’s a whole BIG awful talk about my mental health that I never want to tell my family. And it might be a similar situation with your friend, so unorthodox ways to get that same therapy experience might benefit them alot.

fourthly, you can’t help everyone. Sometimes it’s on them to figure out how to cope and understand how to get better, and even though you love them and care deeply it’s hard to get them to understand that. If you’re worried your friend might be engaging in risky behaviors (S/H, alcoholism, drugs, suicidal behavior, taking too many risks for no apparent reason.)

I suggest trying to talk to them about harm reduction.

fifthly, you being emotionally drained and exhausted by being their therapist friend is totally valid. your friend saying self deprecating things is just a symptom of a bigger problem they have, it's not your fault or anything you need a break from them. if they were in the same situation they would do the same thing, it's hard to manage both your mental health and your friends. I don't blame you for being exhausted, the reason I do this stuff is because I'm exhausted by my own problems and this is a healthy and constructive way to help both you and me. your helping your friend out of love, but also obligation.

I think a good plan to do is.

give your friend a pep talk and show them tons of alternate ways to access therapy that is not in person.

give them helpline information and tell the "I've known you for so long, I'd never try to hurt you. I just want you to know there's options if life gets hard and I'm not around

tell them about harm reduction, and CURB any and all negative connotations about addiction and self harm. if they are suffering the best thing you can do is be accepting and show them ways to safely and also reduce the harm of the addictions/self harm.

tell them if they are being abused. in anyway period, they can trust you to not victim blame or something without knowing the full story. we don't know what's happening with them, but we have to be kind and caring if that's the reason for her mental health. tell them "it was never your fault, you didn't know." or "you were just a kid, it was never you that was the problem but how you were treated. it's okay to be upset or angry, or grieve the life you should have had. that's normal. trust me I'm here for you."

also if the whole abuse thing is a yes, give them tons of abuse helplines. you and I don't know how to go forward with that knowledge but the helplines know how to.

support them and tell them truely why you feel drained (if you Hadn't already.) and tell them you actually care alot about them and this is not an attack or that your mad at them or anything. your overwhelmed too, and you both should feel not overwhelmed. (VERY IMPORTANT, YOU HAVE TO SAY YOUR NOT ANGRY OR ANYTHING. mentally ill people tend to think the worst if you don't say it. be kind and caring, and they should not feel so bad.)

if that doesn't work, I think you yourself should call a helpline and ask about strategies to help your friend. they should know a lot more than both you and me.

thank you for sending an ask in, this has been interesting!

I hope you can figure out a way to help your friend.

if worst comes to worse, I suggest you give your friend character.ai's psychologist's link to your friend. it's better than nothing, and it's surprisingly helped me too. so it might help your friend open up.

here's the link LINK

I hope I was able to provide a push in the right direction, remember this is the BAD advice blog. not everything will work, sometimes we both have to fail a bit to figure out the best way to help people.

theres this game i played recently -- didnt finish it yet -- called 'Umurangi Generation'. Not to spoil anything but it had a very strong message for me, simply put. amongst other things, it had this weird feeling that I couldn't quite name when I first played it. Recently though, with... many things happening in the world and a few in my personal life as well, I think I got ahold of it a bit better

It feels like there's no real reason to keep going. Why study, or grow, or work for a better life, if I'll end up under tyrannical capitalism, in a corrupt world that's slowly drowning, with death threats for me specifically, as a {insert minority}?

Umurangi Generation isn't depressive, and it has its own message and things to say, so I won't talk in its place because I probably wouldn't be able to put it into words without misunderstanding it. If you have a few hours of free time though, it's free on itch.io i think. It's maori too, and is just. beautiful. you can take pictures of your friends in it

For a while I was in that weird, drowning like feeling, where you feel the air leaving your body, but feel so alien to yourself that there's no more drive to even struggle in the waters. metaphorically

last week though, a friend that I rarely talk to invited me to this music hall thing--never had seen one before, had no idea what to expect. what i discovered was an incredibly powerful, funny, and full of life group of queer artists. i felt a bit ashamed to have even been so depressive, and even worse, pessimistic about myself and the world

there was this actor, who did a monologue. He had a shirt with "PD" written on it (that means something like faggot, in french). he said it was the first time he was turning 31. well, he thought at least. because surely, he must've been 31 before, and even more, but there had been so much people to erase anything that would've kept track of how old he was, it felt like he only started all over again. and he said yeah, it was normal there was more of him, of us, now, because we kept living, and we were going to keep living.

(to be clear--thats a queer metaphor for the numerous times in history where we've been killed, erased, etc)

it kind of stuck with me. my friend told me i was crying when he said those things. i don't remember doing so

Recently it's felt like I can't even sleep enough to rest my eyes and cry

But his words stuck with me, because, yeah. I'm still here, and we're still here, and there's so much that's been lost, but we know what we saved. It's all been burned before and we're still here.

And I don't know. i don't know where I'll be in five years or more, i know I'll still have suicidal thoughts, at least for a while, and I don't know what'll happen with the world, the people that are drowning and those that are being murdered, and the rest of the world that seems so uncaring.

But like, I know there's still people now. There's still people to tell the stories of so many that are dead, and there's still openly queer folk dancing and giving joy to other people in music halls, and there's still things to fight for, and be proud of. because it's not done, it's not finished, and there's still so much to fight for

I don't know

There was also this artist (named THÉA on music platforms, she's great) who sang some stuff which really moved me. one of her songs is named "Ennui" (Boredom) and it says "We don't have any goal, or real place, no big war, or great depression. Our big war is spiritual. Our great depression, it's our lives."

(im pretty sure thats a quote from somewhere else. unsure though)

And yeah, it feels like there's nothing more to believe in. And THÉA isn't a depressive artist to listen to, listen to the lyrics in "Juste Amis" (Just friends)

But there's this weird dread i see in people, i guess born after 2000, and in myself, that engulfs you whole and yet feels so alien. Umurangi Generation talked about it. in its end game credits is written "Dedicated to Umurangi Generation. The last generation that has to see the world die."

Often now, it feels like that. Born too late, in a dying world that can't stop nervously convulsing like a dead fish.

I don't know. If there was nothing else, I wouldn't be here. I know there's still love in this world, and it'll still keep going when I'm gone, and the clouds can make me cry because of how the sun bounces off of them, and I have friends that are lovely, and there's passionate and powerful people who are alive, now, and are doing something, and i collect poetry about lesbians and about the beauty of gendered languages and about queer people in my phone

and yet, I can't finish this on a happy or hopeful note. I don't know how to. I wish I could, but when I try to summon my passion, it's full of rage rather than love. But I want to love this world. I want to believe I can have a life in it. I want to believe I can make a change and help people

i don't know

Hi! I've followed you for a while and love your blog. I initially found you through your Ramsay stuff which I love, but I read everything you post now even if I'm not that into the character.

I'd love to read any pre-Reek Theon relationship HCs you'd have, though I don't have any specific request.

Once again, I absolutely adore your blog and am excited to finally have the courage to send an ask :)

thanks for reading and enjoying so much 🥺

im gonna divide this between a relationship w a girl at Winterfell, a Stark lady and a lady from outside Winterfell!

Being from Winterfell ->

Being of very minor nobility living in Winterfell (like Jeyne Poole) or the daughter of one of the workers would mean the easiest access and friendship with Theon. You'd probably be one of the few people who was kind to him when he first arrived, though it would take a while to get him talking and willing to open up to the friendship. From then on you'd be free to play with him and hang around him. Even if it wasn't "befitting" a lady, there weren't many high standards for you, nor any eyes watching your every move.

You were absolutely his first crush and continued to be the girl he pined over the most, even when he started flirting with other girls and sleeping around. Honestly, what makes him really consider his feelings for you is when you catch him bragging about some farmer girl he had. You went running from the room and he immediately went after you, not actually knowing what to say or having a plan - just the thought of you being that upset was like a knife in his side.

You and Theon can't be too open, but you don't have to be completely private, either. You both can actually blend in Wintertown as a regular couple, especially if you wear hoods.

Being a Stark ->

You distinctly remember when the Ironborn boy showed up at Winterfell. Your lady mother tried to explain why he was here, but she wanted to spare you the ugly details of war and hostages. So, you were still a bit confused when you realized he'd be living with you all. You were already close with Jon, and it seemed this wasn't much different.

Definitely a slow childhood friends to getting crushes on each other. Theon was suspicious and anxious of everyone, you were the only one showing him open kindness and acceptance. He was friends with you before Robb, even if your mother wasn't pleased with the Ironborn boy getting so close to her eldest daughter. Even as Theon got older and had more of an attitude and arrogance about him, he still had his soft spot for you.

And that soft spot usually led to him punching out any boy that upset you, doing archery or exploring the woods with you, getting highkey lowkey jealous when you pay more attention to Jon, aggressively denying his feelings and daydreaming about the both of you being married (he totally denies that last part). Many times you both snuck off alone in the woods or in the broken-down tower, nearly being caught a few times and raising some suspicion... but nothing was found out.

So, yes, if there's any relationship here, it would be very very secret. There would be no illusions about it being able to work out for real, even if they have wishful thinking. The eldest Stark lady would be expected to marry into another Great House (or the Iron throne!), not a ward. Theon is painfully aware of it and sometimes he lashes out by becoming distant or irritable.

Being a Lady in the North ->

You're able to visit more often than some families, being close to the Starks both politically and geographically. Aloof and cool as Theon pretends to be, you wondered if he had other girls he was seeing when you weren't around. It's not like your relationship was allowed, anyway - even letters were risky. Unbeknownst to you, he awaited your return not unlike a sulking dog.

When you were first messing around, "relationship" was the furthest thing from your mind. You thought the Ironborn boy was interesting, and internally Theon was delighted to have such a pretty girl take an interest in him. But the more time you both spent together, sneaking around or otherwise, it clearly became something more.

Many times you've tried to think up plans to get Theon to visit your family's keep. Maybe when Robb starts visiting his father's men, Theon can come along? He loves the idea of it. The sneaking around in general gets Theon excited, though when you're not around he gets beset by anxiety. When will you get married off? Could he marry you? He is heir to the Iron Islands, but ...

Ironically, it's the war breaking out that allows you both to be together for the longest time. Your family joins the Starks in war, and you're taken along with them, so you and Theon can be right next to each other - the excuse often being you have a letter for Robb that you're giving to Theon to pass along. Not that anyone notices - as the daughter of a less prosperous Northern house and the prisoner hostage of the Starks, people often overlook you both.

Note there's some overlap between these three... I think no matter what, he'd struggle with his own feelings and admitting how important you are to him. Emotional honesty is not his forte, and obviously the whole ward situation puts a damper on a lot of things. I think he'd be very acutely aware of how fragile the relationship is, which makes him both enjoy what time you both have together and give him anxiety that makes him very distant on some days. He's kind of a mess lol.

Homecoming

(Bokuto Kotarou)

a/n : honestly just a cute msby bokuto one-shot cause I love him 😩 my longing to be loved really showed in this one 😐

summary: being the girlfriend of a professional volleyball player wasn't always easy. Bokuto would have to leave for months at a time. It's your first time seeing him in two months and you planned the perfect evening for him.

warnings: NSFW!! Minors don’t interact this contains smut. Pretty fluffy, almost too much fluff, then some smut at the end because who doesn’t like MSBY bokuto.

word count : 3218 (IM SORRY I GET CARRIED AWAY WITH FLUFF BUT ITS CUTE AND YOU’LL LIKE IT)

-nsfw-

It was the first night you were gonna be able to spend with your boyfriend in about two months. With him being a professional volleyball player, you knew this was a part of the deal. You two had obviously kept in contact over the break with daily texts and video calls whenever time permitted. The distance and time apart had taught you both patience and to value the time you two had together. You missed him so much, his bright presence, his golden eyes that bore into yours, his contagious smile. Bokuto meant the world to you and you were so excited to finally see your lover after so much time.

You looked at yourself in the mirror. You were wearing a brand new lingerie set you had gotten just for this occasion. You made sure to never wear it whenever you two had a night of sexy pictures or naughty video calls. This one was a dark hunter green and it complimented your (s/c) skin well. It hugged your curves in a delicious way, as it left little to the imagination. You put some makeup on and luckily today was a good hair day. You couldn't lie, you looked so alluring, it was almost sinful. After gawking at yourself in the mirror you put on your dress getting ready for dinner.

You had known he was coming home tonight for a while so you planned the perfect evening. To be completely truthful, you were so needy for him that you just want him to take you on the kitchen table. However this was Bokuto's first night back in a while, and you love him and wanted to make tonight special. The past two months without him have been pretty tough. No matter how many times he had to go away for volleyball, you never quite got used to the lack of his presence. Whether it was in the morning and you weren't greeted with his bright smile to start the day, or in the middle of the day when you walked into the kitchen and he was dancing to your favorite songs while he cooked, or the random kisses on the cheek throughout the day. Things were just a little less colorful without bokuto around in your little shared apartment. That's why you were elated to welcome him back home.

You had prepared his favorite meal for when he came home, and put on his favorite record. You decided to wear a dress he got you a while back on one of your dates. He absolutely adored that dress on you, and it's one of your favorites too. It was your favorite color and it hugged your figure beautifully. It fit like it was tailored specially for you.

You heard a knock and you practically sprinted full speed to the front door. You already knew who it was so you excitedly swung it open and you were met with your beautiful boyfriend and his warm smile. Your smile was from ear to ear as you threw yourself into his arms. You wrapped yours arms tightly around his neck as he buried his face into yours. His arms snaked around your waist as he held you like he hadn't seen you in 10 years. Truthfully that's how it felt. You finally whispered to him while still engulfed in his broad frame, "you're finally home baby, I missed you so much, you have no idea". He holds you a little tighter and says "I know baby, I missed you so so so much. You look so beautiful tonight, I'm really happy to see you (y/n)". You break away from the hug to finally give him a kiss. You stand on your tippy toes to reach him and he bent down a little to meet you. He holds your face in his hands and you rake your hands through his hair. Your lips meet in a passionate kiss, a seemingly desperate attempt to make up for missed time. The kiss is one you get lost in, falling into it headfirst. You two quickly closed the distance between you, bodies pressed up against each other destroying any personal space either of you had before. His hands moved from your face down your body and he wrapped his arms around your waist to hold you closer to his body. You kept playing with his hair while you two kissed because you knew it was one of his favorite things. What started as one passionate kiss quickly spiraled into a heated makeout session. Lips still connected and bodies still intertwined, he guided you through the door and closed it behind him.

He quickly threw his bags down in a haste and returned to your lips. Taking off his jacket while you two kissed. He was tugging at the hem of your dress and you were so close to just ripping it off but you hesitated. He sensed your pause and he pulled away and had a concerned look on his face. "Is everything okay (y/n)?" he said. You nodded your head and assured him, "yeah baby of course, I just needed a minute. I wanted to show you what I did for you". You giggled shyly and gestured to the food on the table. It was decorated with some candles and flowers. His eyes widened as he gave you a big smile, he looked at you and said "You did this all for me?". You shake your head and say "no it's actually for my other boyfriend, he's actually gonna be here in a few. Do you mind getting a move on?" You laugh and push him lightly. "Of course it's for you Kou"

He gives you a sweet smile and enveloped you into another warm hug. He plants a kiss on your forehead and says "Thank you baby, you make me the luckiest guy in the world". You two sit down and share the meal together. You absolutely loved having meals with Kotaro. Always getting lost in conversation, it was the best time to talk about everything the other had missed. You two exchanged stories of the past two months you spent apart, mostly laughing at his silly encounters with the rest of his team. You told him how work was going and the new books you were reading.

You finished eating and Bokuto helped you clean off the table. You had flipped the record so it wasn't silent as you did the dishes. You then resumed cleaning up and Bokuto took the rag out of your hand and held your smaller hands in his own. He brought them up to his lips and left soft kisses along your knuckles. He said "Thank you for tonight (y/n), I really appreciate all the kind things you do for me. I love you so much". You held his face with one hand and squeezed his hand with the other. You looked into his eyes kindly and said "Of course Kou, I missed you and wanted to make it special for when you came back home. I love you too". He kissed your forehead and you two continued to clean up.

You were at the sink rinsing off the dishes when Bokuto walked up to you and wrapped his arms around you from behind. You put your hair up messily with a clip just to get it out of your face for now, so your neck was exposed. He kissed your neck and took a deep breath and then whispered to you "baby you smell sooo good". You giggle and say thank you and continue rinsing the last few dishes in the sink. He eyed you like you were his next meal. He saw the way your skin looked so soft, and the way your hair still seemed to shine when in the dim kitchen. The soft glow in your eyes when you'd look back to him every so often. The way your dress dipped in the back exposing some of your back. He decided to take advantage of the vast canvas and began placing kisses along your neck and back. Delicate kisses became playful nips at your skin. He then started painting the area with little red bruises that would later turn purple. You put down the dish you were rinsing and cleaned your hands.

While he was attacking your back with hickeys and love bites you held onto the back of his neck as if you would fall if you let go. He sucked the sweet spot on your neck eliciting a quiet moan from your lips. He immediately held you tighter and whispered "you're gonna drive me crazy with that voice of yours baby, don't hold back. I like hearing you".

You turned around and caught yourself in another heated kiss with him. You lifted yourself onto the counter with his hands guiding your hips. You opened your legs to make room for his broad body. You had your arms resting on his neck with fingers twirling around his dual toned locks. His tongue had grazed your bottom lip as if asking for permission. You granted it eagerly and your tongues began to dance in a fit of passion and urgency. Both exploring each other's mouths with care but also immense drive. You two hadn't been able to hold, touch, or kiss one another in what felt like years. The excitement and satisfaction of finally having him here and all over you was setting you on fire. You begin to take off his shirt while still sloppily making out. You pulled back just to admire the art that is Bokuto Kotaro shirtless. Running your fingers along his defined pecs, tracing his abs with your fingertips lightly. You give him a kiss then you hop off the counter.

You take his hand and lead him to the bedroom. The room was all cleaned up and you had twinkling fairy lights turned on. It was pretty dim and the bed had rose petals on it. You might've been a little too excited and went overboard but you look over to Bokuto and it instantly made it all worth it. He had a huge smile on his face and said "(y/n) you're really gonna be the death of me". You laugh and kiss his cheek

Your two lips crashed into each other in a needy kiss. The kiss quickly turns urgent again. You begin stumbling backward while you two kiss, hell bent on getting to the bed as quick as possible. Truthfully, because you two were apart for so long, this heated makeout session already had you wet.

You finally reach the bed and he pushes you onto it. He then follows you and hovers over you. His large frame seems to consume your smaller build. He begins to plant kisses on your jaw and down your neck as he runs his large hands up and down the smooth curves of your body. His touch drove you mad, no matter how delicate or light. His fingertips grazing your soft skin lit a fire in you. You begin to take off his pants with a little help from him. You reach down to pull off his boxers only for him to grab you by your wrists and pinning them to the bed above your head.

He leans down and whispers "have patience baby, I'm gonna take my time with you tonight". He leans back to look at you, he adored the way you looked underneath him. He let go of your wrists and began to slip your dress off you. He gawked at your brand new lingerie set and let out the biggest grin. "You wore this just for me angel?" You grin sheepishly with a light blush dusting the apples of your cheeks. "Mhm" you replied softly. He strokes your hair and looks into your eyes lovingly and says "you're so beautiful (y/n)"

You kiss him passionately and say thank you. He takes off your bra and looks at the soft mounds that were hidden away. He absolutely loved them. He begins to massage them gently and knead them with his hands as he kisses your collarbone. He looked into your eyes as he took one of your hardened nubs into his mouth and rolled the other nipple between his fingers. He starts kissing the swell of your chest and painting it with little bruises. The occasional love bite would make you moan softly. Your moans were the most beautiful symphony to him, spurring him on. Further encouraging him to please you.

He left a trail of kisses from your chest down your stomach to your underwear. He put his fingers in the waistband and looked up at you for permission. You run your finger through his hair and nod lightly with a smile. He pulled off the lacy dark green garment and threw it to the side. He pushed your legs apart and eyed your glistening core.

He started with just a kitten lick. He always liked to start slowly with care. Delicate licks, slow and calculated motions so he can gage your reaction. He flattened his tongue and applied pressure to your clit. He started lapping up your juices with a little more urgency now. You moaned his name breathily and he started picking up the pace. He's always loved eating you out. He held your thighs down with his big arms. He attached his lips to your puffy clit and began to suck while he slipped two fingers into your aching hole. You felt that familiar knot in your stomach begin to build and you couldn't help but buck your hips up onto his face and fingers. He took this time to add a third finger which made you delirious with pleasure.The third finger entered you stretching your fluttering hole, mixing pain and pleasure till they were indistinguishable from each other. He felt you clamping down on his fingers and he stopped sucking and began to vigorously rub circles into your clit, the way he knew you loved. You felt yourself getting close and as you're a whimpering mess you began to mutter "Kou don't stop, please"

He had a dark look in his eye when he spoke "cum for me baby, you can do it. And just like that you allowed yourself to come undone all over his magical hands and face. "Good girl" was what he said as you came. He helped you ride out your orgasm as he whispered sweet praises to you.

You were catching your breath as you came down from your high. By the time you were back, you looked at bokuto and he had already completely undressed and he had his back against the headboard. He was stroking himself as he watched you with half lidded eyes and a devilish grin on his face.

"You didn't think we were done, did you baby?"

"Of course not" You said as you put your nail between your teeth with a grin.

"Come here angel" he said as he gestured for you to join him.

You crawl over and you place yourself on top of him. You knew he loved when you rode him. You lowered yourself onto him slowly. You adored how full you felt with him inside you. You gave yourself some time to adjust to the stretch and then slowly started to move up and down. You began to pick up pace and ride him with more rigor. He watched you in awe with his hands on your hips guiding you up and down on him. He thought you were so beautiful riding him.You desperately chasing your high and using his body for pleasure was a sight he was incredibly fond of. He got off on knowing nobody would see you that way but him. He admired how beautiful you looked doing something so lewd. Tits bouncing around, your face contorted in pleasure, your lips parted as the moans escaped your mouth.

He then took you and flipped you over so you were on your back. It was his turn to take charge and set the pace. He kissed your temple as he slipped into you. Kou wasted no time in picking up his pace. His vicious thrusts leaving you a babbling mess. You felt yourself begin to close your eyes as you whimpered out his name and he grabbed your face and held your cheeks in his hand. He said "open your eyes baby, look at me".

You did as he said and looked into his eyes as he rutted against you. You were moaning his name when he put his hand over your mouth and said "shh shh baby listen"

You were initially confused at what he was talking about but then when you listened you heard the lewd sounds of your pussy squelching and gushing around his length as he fucked into you. Your cheeks redden as you got a little embarrassed. Boktuo looks down at you with a shiteating grin and says "listen to that angel, you're fucking dripping wet for me". You were a muttering mess, all you could say was "yes kou yes, just for you. Only you could fuck me like this". That's one thing about Bokuto, he adored being praised by you. You took advantage of this and you began to whisper into his ear. "You're so good to me baby, you're doing so good. Please don't stop kou please"

He maintained his pace and looked up to you. "You're close baby?". You nod quickly and dug your nails into his back, leaving crescent moons in their wake as you begged for more. He let out a groan and said "me too" as he fucked into you. He started to rub circles into your clit and he picked up his pace. He fucked you into the mattress and he felt your hole spasming around him, it felt like your pussy was sucking him in even more than he thought possible. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes as you begged him to let you cum. He felt you clench onto him and said "cum with me baby, be a good girl and cum with me angel". You immediately came undone leaving you shaking and panting under him. The view of you destroyed and fucked out was enough to push him over the edge. With the last few sloppy thrusts bokuto moaned your name as he came. Leaving you kisses along your neck as he painted your insides white.

You both were catching your breath as he peppered your face with kisses. He went to the bathroom to get a wet rag to clean you off with. He wiped you down with delicate and sweet touches. You both went under the covers and he held you in his arms. He began to play with your hair as you began to fall asleep.You kissed his hand and said "goodnight kou, i love you". Then he gave you one last kiss to your temple and a tight hug. He whispered into your ear saying "goodnight baby, thank you for the lovely evening. I love you so much."

The both of you falling asleep in eachothers warm embrace. Kou couldn't have asked for a better homecoming.

The Crow (1994)

Alright Cult of Cult. Do I really need to introduce this one? Let's get all 90s and gothy and maybe brace ourselves for a bit of cringe, but like in a fun way. It's the Holy Grail of Hot Topic, 1994's the Crow Starring Brandon Lee.

Sermon

Apparently before the auto industry totally crashed Detroit was already a total fucked to death pile of burning shit, or at least that's what the crow would have you believe. Sorry Bruce Campbell, and other people from Detroit, but mostly Bruce Campbell. According to the Crow the city of Detroit is the kind of place where gangs of warlock anarchist arsonists will bomb buildings, and murder and rape whoever they feel like and then walk around bragging about it the next day with absolutely zero consequences. Funny then that if Detroit was so bad they had to go to film this movie in Wilmington North Carolina which is definitely a fucked to death pile of burning shit. I can say that, I'm from there and I got the fuck out. My brother is going to kill me if he ever reads this. (It's okay, these are all jokes people). Did you know they also filmed the Super Mario Bros movie there ... also cuz they needed a really shitty looking distopia. Moving on ...

The ludicrous criminality of the Crow's Detroit is particularly on display on Halloween. In Detroit (apparently) Halloween is known as Devils Night and it's legitimately just a night of pure lawlessness and chaos and kids aren't even safe to get candy, except later when we do see trick or treaters. Eric Draven, hunky goth rocker who sort of looks like he could be Bruce Lee's Kid and his fiance are murdered by a gang of vicious criminals. One year hence, Eric is resurrected by a mystical crow (that is actually a Raven), to exact his revenge on the gang that murdered him.

He paints his face like sad Alice Cooper and refuses to listen to Joy Division, just covers. He murders Tin Tin (a knife guy) just for his long gothy duster, he murders Fun Boy and forcibly ejects heroine from her arms and tells her "Go be a good mom now" which actually works. (have I told you about our Lord and Savior Sting? He gave me the strength to get off drugs), he blows T Bird up dick first, and then comes for Skab? Scraap? Scooby? in a meeting of all of Detroits villains and just about kills them all.

He is supported by the most 90s little girl to have ever graced the screen, and I am here for it, and Officer Albrecht, who's played by Ernie Hudson but I like to call him Zeddemore: The Most Underrated Ghostbuster. The leader of the bad guys, who I cannot beleive wasn't played by Brad Dourif or Tom Waits, is pretty interested in the occult. He keeps his witchy girlfriend around and she makes him fun dishes like smoked eyeballs, and her main use is that she knows that the Crow is the Crows weakness. They set Tony Fucking Todd on the bird, and I guess you just have to hurt the bird and not kill it, and Eric loses his healing factor and other macabre undead powers.

The Crow, Jimmy the Raven, pecks out Dr. Girlfriends eyeballs, I honestly forget how Tony Todd gets offed, and Top Dollar gets Gargoyled (that is impaled on a gargoyle). Funnily enough that is more Gargoyle related impaling on screen then in the actual movie Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness where a Gargoyle is supposed to have impaled a guy.

The Benediction

Best Feature: Injustice League

In the Crow we have not only a set of super memorable villains but they are played by the bad guy all stars. John Polito as the most lowly of the bad guys as a kind of sleazy pawn shop owner who buys ill gotten gains. Tony Todd, who's size is really on display here, the freaking Candy Man is in this movie. T Bird is the head of Top Dollars goons and is played by David Patrick Kelly, you might know as the "Warriors Come Out and Play!!" bottle guy from the Warriors, or as Jimmy Horne from Twin Peaks, and of course Top Dollar himself is played by Michael Wincott. Wincott is not a particularly celebrated actor but has played villains effectively in Robin Hood, the Three Musketeers, and Dead Man.

Best Set Piece: Detroit Style Hot Dogs

The Set design of the Crow is perhaps one of it's most fantastic features. It's very moody and ethereal. It's just real enough to not take you out of the film, but fantastic enough to set mood and theme above realism. From Eric Draven's apartment, to the church where the final battle occurs they are all fantastic. I think that's why I really wanted to shine the spot light on a very minor set piece that would get nary a mention but just as effectively represents the qualities I was just talking about and that is the Maxi Doggs Hot Dog Stand, where a lot of the films exposition for audience surrogates takes place.

Worst Effect: Freeze Frame

At a few points in the movie the film makers made a strange decision to do these freeze frame transitions. I only noticed it twice in the movie where it was particularly stupid. I'm sure the film makers at the time thought it was a moody and atmospheric choice that highlighted the suffering that Eric Draven was going through, but it didn't age well. If you don't have the sensibilities of a goth girl from 1994 then it's very very hard not to laugh at just how self involved the movie is about it's super sadness.

Worst Feature: Tragic Accident

Solely based on the film itself, it is that very gothic and dated sensibility that hurts the Crow. The little sarcastic dance he does when he flees the police, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, and bowing to Albrecht. These affected behaviors that I'm sure seemed snarky and right on to the target audience only serve to make Eric Draven seem like an unbearable neck beard edgelord and not the troubled dark soul he's supposed to be. I'm sure at the time it seemed unique and gothy but that shit went out of style for good reason, people could see through it. It's a shame that the Crow himself was some of the cringiest parts of this movie now that I'm seeing it as an adult and not a 13 year old middle class boy with no real problems.

This however is not the low point of the movie. It's not news now and if you're reading some dudes review of The Crow on Tumblr then you probably already know the story. The worst thing about The Crow is that Brandon Lee was horrifically killed on set while filming this movie due to some negligible prop malfunctions. A series of unfortunate events that lead to the actor spending 6 hours in surgery fighting for his life before eventually passing. It was not a quick or painless death and it's really impossible to watch the movie without an appreciation for the fact that this kind of fun dark adventure was going to be a vehicle for Brandon Lee's career wound up taking his life. He was 28. I really wish I could have just bitched about the goofy goth stuff and moved on, but that's not the world we live in.

Best Effect: The Gargoyling

Maybe I should have called this best kill. But I'm not sure which it is. The slaying of Top Dollar at the Climax of the film was just super effective. The pointed wings impaling his chest and that horn coming out of his mouth, it was morbid and excellent and just fit the tone of the movie perfectly. I mean how many other movies can you say Cause of Death: Impaled on a Gargoyle.

Best Bird: The Raven

I tried very hard to look up the name of the bird that primarily performed in this movie and could not find anything. There was a Raven once upon a time called Jimmy the Raven, but that was in the 50s and I don't think birds live that long. There was a team of Ravens performing as the crow, they were chosen over crows for their larger size, and more imposing silhouettes. I just think it's so wonderful to see these often maligned birds get a chance to show off their talents. Corvids of all kinds are incredibly intelligent creatures. Im a sucker for animals, if you haven't already figured that out. I really liked seeing the ravens hit their marks, particularly the one whos job it was to drop the wedding ring into Sarah's hand at the end of the film. You can see that greedy little bastard do his trick and then look of camera at his trainer like "treat please!". It's very cute.

Best Actor: Top Dollar Performance

I'd love to take this opportunity to just put praise upon Brandon Lee, he truly gave everything for this role, but unfortunately with what was put to film we actually have very few character moments with Eric Draven. Stuff happens to him, and he does killings and fights. There's definitely some personality, but I felt like I walked away knowing almost nothing about who Eric Draven was. He was clearly a good dude but that and a few hobbies and a relationship and you don't really have a character yet. He's unfortunately not given a lot of acting to do, instead just relegated to stunts and action sequences. That were notably cool.

The bad guys in the Crow have a lot more character and among this who's who of character actors, Michael Wincott takes the cake. Hell he was standing next to Candyman himself, Tony Todd and still stealing the scenes.

Best Character: A Few Good Apples

Is the best character in The Crow really going to be the cop? The commissioner Gordon stand in? yeah, it is. Not to be political, but I don't like cops, but I guess in a world with magical birds and eyeball smoking I can suspend my disbelief and let Ernie Hudson be #1 cop dad. His character is really the heart of the film, since all Eric can do is brood and fight, we have to care about someone in this movie.

Best Sequence: Halloween Party

The best sequence of the movie is of course the scene where Eric Draven busts in on the Devil's Night party planning commission. I think Top Dollar brought Scrappy Doo there just so he could lure out the crow, knowing the baddest assholes in all of Detroit would be gathered it was likely that somebody was going to kill the beast, or if they couldn't at least Top Dollar could get a feel for his enemy. It's a bullet flying action sequence with a ton of weight. I can't put my finger on this all to common weightless third act problem that big budget super hero and action flicks have nowadays, but whatever that issue is, the Crow does not have that issue. From this point on the Climax feels earned and I am invested. For that reason, The Crow is honestly better in spite of its awkwardness, than many of the super hero movies out today.

Worst Sequence: My Guitar Gently Weeps

Speaking of brooding or fighting. The best sequence was fighting, the worst is brooding. I get that Eric was in a band or something, but didn't he have shit to do. It seemed like it was a cool idea for a shot, but for like a whole seen, watching somebody play an 80s guitar solo, that stood out so brazenly from the choices of music in the rest of the movie was extra corny. It felt like someone's( dad trying to relate to their kid. Oh you like Music. The Dresden Dolls eh? Oh man, then you're going to love Slash's Snake Pit!

Summary

The Crow is dated. It is iconic but I wonder how many of the people that hang that poster on the wall have watched that movie since they were kids. It's interesting how what i've liked and disliked about this film have changed so much sense I was a kid. It's a cheeseball fiesta. If you have matured at all beyond thinking that being sad is the same as being deep then you're going to like it a little less than you did when you were younger, but it is still solid. There's not much to hate on. I'd watch it over and over again. I was really afraid it would not hold up at all, but returning to The Crow was a completely positive experience.

Overall Grade: B

seems like the anon(s) hating in your inbox are either minors or people from twitter who haven’t matured past the age of 16 migrating to tumblr to bring back their toxicity. it screams insecure in not just their ship but as a person. if they think 30 is middle-aged, im scared of what they think of seokjin. the reason bts is so attractive for many as a group to stan is because of the beautiful diversity in the fandom. im 21 but i’ve had incredibly invigorating and enlightening conversations with fans older than me both online and in the real world, and i’ll continue to do so as our discussions centering around bts are extremely fun when we get different perspectives. for you and any of your followers that may be 25+, please do not feel ashamed of your age! i personally wish i was older so i could spend more money on bts merch instead of worrying about my college tuition😭but yeah, you and anyone in this fandom are free to have these conversations so long as you don’t degrade the boys, which you haven’t done! it’s just irritating that these miserable anons don’t have the guts to call you out without the anonymous option protecting them and they’ll turn to their friends and go, “jikookers are crazy and toxic” as if they didn’t come into your blog demeaning you as a person and jikook’s bond as well. i personally think turning off the anon feature for asks would be hilarious as there would be no doubt these cowards would stop sending hateful messages, but, like me, i know actual jikookers come into your inbox anonymously as they see it as a safe space. stay safe!

Thank you anon. I completely agree with you. The sad thing is that this also encourages the thought that many locals have that BTS fans are hormonal teenage girls who are in love with 7 men they will never meet. And although that anon specifically referred to my blog being about a ship I think it also applies in the same way, and that part does offend me a bit because here we don't talk about fantasies or cospirational theories or make things up, here we have had all kinds of conversations, some conversations about serious topics and other conversations a bit funny or light and I think the main thing we do here is celebrate a friendship, relationship, bond between two people and that has nothing to do with the age we may have.

To criticise that I think only shows their maturity  or rather their lack of. and yes, that's the double-edged sword of having the anonymous  option enabled.

call out post for @ratsofftoya

TW: GROOMING/PEDOPHILIA AND SUICIDE MENTIONS

recently @i-am-a-fish got suicidal baited off tumblr for the most bullshitted accusation post I've seen so far.

apparently I-am-fish is a pedophile/ potential child groomer, as said by @ratsofftoya

All because he made a joke on twitter about moving to pornhub, and follows artists that draw lolicon/aged-up smut of fictional underaged characters.

but there are some major fallacies in @ratsofftoya 's accusations (as if it wasn't obvious enough).

moral appeal:

ratsofftoya's commentary on goldie's pornhub and sex toy posts were very moralistic despite the posts clearly being a joke.

Humor is subjective so it's okay if you didn't laugh at this post, but that isn't an excuse to take away its humor to demean someone by making hasty generalizations about his fanbase. We can't confirm his fanbase is mostly kids, but because this claim is based on a hasty generalization, it is an inappropriate appeal to emotion. Trying to imply that goldie willingly exposes kids to child porn, classic "but think of the kids!" argument.

• There is no data we have on I-am-fish 's audience age demographic.

• there is no proof that majority of the fanbase are minors. that's just a hasty generalization.

• I-am-a-fish does not claim to be a blog for kids, not including "18+" in your bio does not make you a blog for kids.

I can't believe i have to point this shit out, but tumblr and twitter are not for kids. Nobody on these two platforms should have to put "18+" in their bios because nobody below that should even be on these two platforms. I-am-a-fish is an adult making adult jokes on an adult platform, to imply he could be a child groomer because he makes sex jokes that minors see is unfair because thats beyond his control. Tumblr and Twitter are adult spaces and yet we are not responsible for kids being in a space where they don't belong, that responsibility goes to the parents. All we can do about minors in online adult spaces is REPORT them.

2. cherry picking:

ratsofftoya specifically picked TWO sexually suggestive artworks by japanese Twitter artist Krskii. problem is ratsofftoya uses these two posts to portay this artist as a highly lewd/fetish account, when that isn't the case. In actuality, krskii's twitter page is a fanart page for a duo from IDOL MASTER: cinderella girls starlight stage anzu fubata(the blonde loli) and kirari moroboshi. it's a fanart page for other IMCGSS characters as well. i use to play game, its alot of fun but its japanese exclusive so i couldn't play much due to language barriers. the fanart page is almost all SFW, but ratsofftoya pick TWO out of dozens of sfw pics to solidify her claim.

you can go on Krskii's twitter and see for yourself:

and my personal favorite:

(ooh lawd this is cute i might have it as a PFP with credit!)

anyway, ratsofftoya ignored these possibilities:

• There is no proof goldie liked the two photos, or any engagement at all.

• there is no proof that he had seen it, especially out of dozens sfw art.

• just because he follows this artist does not automatically confim he has a sexual attraction for lolis or kids. especially due to how the page is mostly sfw.

• goldie could just be a fan of IMCGSS.

this isn't a creepy pedo twitter page, just an idol fan page. but what really is illogical is the commentary ratsofftoya has in regards to loli drawings. Now with using two pics racy pics, ratsofftoya came to the conclusion that Goldie is sexually attracted to children. But lolicon isn't real children, it's not real CP and it's not even a realistic depiction of humans children, so what rataofftoya did was simply pass off her opinion of lolis as fact. I'm not trying to debate on whether lolicon is okay or not and im not gonna share my opinion, because the real point isn't the subject of lolicon but the wrongful accusation. the real fact is that lolicon is still legal, but social opinion of lolicon is very mixed, our opinions on such a complicated subject is not enough to convict someone as a pedophile. you're opinions do not hold that kind of power, especially without sufficient evidence. let's actually move on to ratsofftoya's evidenced and how insufficient it is.

3. False attribution of discord chats

the screenshots provided from the discord chats do not add up to ratsofftoya's claims, making the screencaps irrelevant more than anything.

she provided this screenshot of a mod stating their opinion on aged up fanart, and claims that this opinions makes ALL MODS in that discord MAPS and Pedo apologists. problem is that there is no real sympathy for any pedo/maps in both ratsofftoya and nestbian's screenshots. if anything, it's just some bad jokes, and Goldie doesn't even say one himself.

rattsofftoya commits the same fallacy like with the loli argument; the concept of aged up characters is complicated subject, its not illegal but there is alot of debate surrounding it. Ratsofftoya makes her opinion clear that aged up artwork of characters is wrong. she uses small and insufficient screenshots to to help make her OPINION seem like a fact, and accuse the mods of being MAP sympathizers. she's convicted these mods based on a biased opinion, the concept of aged up characters is not legally pedophilic so whether you think the subject is right or wrong, is still not enough to convinct others with opposing opinions as MAP enablers.

Another issue is how she claims minors are talking inappropriately with adults on discord, but there are no such screenshots, the screenshots provided give no evidence of such accusation. With her convictions based on biased opinions, that accusations is not going to be getting any credibility anytime soon. Many of us know how discord works, it's not unusual for adults and minors to be in the same server, it's not a pedophilic thing. But one thing that discord mods do is have NSFW chats specifically for adults, while minors are exluded and stay in the SFW chats. ratsofftoya has no screenshots on minors in a nsfw chat, you'd figure that nestbian would take screenshots of that if it was actually true.

Lastly, ratsofftoya uses these discord screenshots to further solidfy her statement that I-am-a-fish is exposing sexual content to children. But you don't see goldie or any inappropriate/sexual content in the screenshots, just problematic opinions at best.

4. Bad intentions:

from what i've said in this post above, I can conclude ratsofftoya's post overrall was very manipulative and biased. I think the most manipulative part of the post was the last paragraph:

Using the idea of child exploitation and sexual abuse to pull on people's emotions, a huge inappropriate call for emotion. yet, ratsofftoya has not proven or shown any child exploitation or pedophilia at all. we have yet to see any evidence of abuse! How can I believe ratsofftoya has good intentions when I can easily break the accusations apart and see lies?

As a real victim of child grooming, i won't speak for all victims, but as a victim I really don't like my trauma being used to witch hunt innocent people. My trauma is not for woke points, it's not a badge and it's not for your ego to exploit. It's pretty clear that ratsofftoya did NOT make this post for the well being of children and grooming victims, but the post was made for her moralistic ego. If anything, to use sexual child abuse to lie about others, is exploitive.

5. consequenses:

I commented on ratsofftoya's post, mentioning that there are serious consequences to false accusations. Of course the response was immature af so not sure if she'll ever learn, but I'll say it for those who'll hopefully listen to my advice.

Call out post with false accusations can destroy lives, and put you, the poster, in serious legal trouble.

Slander and defamation on its own can get you a lawsuit, you never know who on this platform has money for a lawyer. If this person you publicly slander is to self harm, commit suicide, or lose their job, you can be legally held accountable for it even if it wasn't what you intended to happen, disclaimers cat save you from that. Just because ratofftoya says the suicide baiting is wrong, doesn't mean that she isn't legally responsible for it, I-am-a-fish can legally use it against her. Even with the legal consequences, lying in its own has social consequences and it will be brought to light.

Remember this, you broke ass college students, no amount of woke points is worth the lawsuit. If you GENUINELY see a real predator, report it!

she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do? throw herself onto a pyre? is she not allowed to feel lousy that this whole thing blew up in her face? because she's an adult and she made a mistake, she's not allowed to be sad or stressed? she's still an imperfect human. apologizing immediately usually means people are still sensitive to their own hurt of being called out because it's fresh and on their mind so it tends to slip into their apology, but if she had waited any longer to compose herself, you guys would probably have an issue with how long she took. also, in aaaaaallll of this, I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic? I've read her fic and I personally can't see anything wrong, although I will admit that yes, I'm a white ciswoman but I'd like to think I'm aware of negative tropes. but the only thing touted is "it made an mlm uncomfortable" but HOW??? honestly, I want to know! if anything so I can avoid doing the same thing! how is anyone meant to learn when you're not bringing up these points as often as you're explicitly laying out the problems in her apology and whatnot. I've seen 6 posts about how shit the apology was and for why and I've not once seen the original comment detailing why the fic was problematic, and I've been looking on twit, tumblr, insta, and ao3. if it's been deleted, why isn't anyone stating again and again what's wrong? also, if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it. there's one artist that's pretty popular on Twitter and I personally really hate they way they draw klance but it's all over my tl. I respect that person's art style and creativeness and keep on moving. other people enjoy it, good for them. and if I start reading something and get surprised with something I dont like, I leave! find people who write things you like and stop engaging with creators who's things you don't like, as far as I know no one is holding a gun to your head making you read problematic fic. also for as much as you rag on her for the words she used to apologize, you don't seem to be considering your own words when offering criticism. if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully? lastly, no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way (like you should do when it come to kl content creators you don't like). people sending hate in Taylor's defense are in the wrong I agree, and this isn't hate its critism its a discussion, but Taylor isn't responsible for, how many people did you say? 16k on twit? even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense. I see so many younger fans expecting perfection in their fandoms and that just isn't going to happen. yes we should be striving to be better but no one is ever going to be perfect. not you, not me, not the mlm person, not Taylor, not anyone on any side of this argument. the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.- 🦛

she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do?

im pretty sure i said its good that she realizes she handled it poorly. but she makes the whole apology about this, doesnt directly talk about the issues and i know someone went to her to talk about it. also, it took her a day to say something about it so it wasnt exactly immediate (in the sense people had already stopped talking about it but that doesnt mean they werent still bothered). the apology was directed at mlm, and i havent seen one saying it felt genuine. of couse she can be hurt but when you apologize to a marginalized group the focus shouldnt be your feelings, but the feelings of the ones you have hurt.

I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic?

she admits to be projecting on lance. so she makes him very femine and keith very masculine. and ok, gay couples like that do exist, but she is a woman projecting in this situation so this bothers people. putting mlm in this position is a harmful steriotype, bc it feels very heterosexual. this is a trope, it unfortunately happens a lot and its harmful. women need to be aware of what they are representing when drawing/writing mlm because well, real mlm are going to see it, and no one likes to feel like a fetish to others. and its not our place to question if the criticism is right or wrong when we are not mlm, so if you read this and think “but thats not a problem thats not a fetish etc” well, its not your place to judge that. theres more to it and you probably could get a better answer from a mlm sorry.

if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it.

please, lets not compare a minority pointing out harmful tropes with. something fucking illegal.

as you said, you are a cis woman, of course its not going to hurt you in this case. but if people are making harmful content its not a simple matter of “dont interact with it” because they will still be promoting it, other people are going to read it, and media influences how we see minorities so of course people will not like when they see bad portrayal of them. also, tumblr sucks so even if you want to just “dont interact with it” its hard because even after blocking you can still cross the content of someone. not sure how it works on twitter but anyway this discussion started on tumblr and tumblr doesnt stop people who were bothered by her to avoid her by blocking.

if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully?

i think she deleted the ask by now, but i dont remember the ask being hateful. i remember someone asking if she was a fujoshi, and another person mentioned that mlm didnt like the way she portrayals klance. i dont remember it being hateful. but again, she apologized for handling it badly. its just that she stops there.

no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way

ignoring world issues is a privilege. if someone is able to turn off from all the problems in the world, its a privilige. yes no one should talk aobut it all the time thats not even healthy, but to never talk about it is a privilege. thats what black people are saying, they cant just turn off from racism, so yes they are going to expect white people to do something. online honestly i cant do shit, i dont think anything i reblog here does a difference and i do what i can in my own country, but she has a plataform that could help bring awareness. again, its a privilege to be able to curate your social media to be a perfect happy place.

even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense.

maybe they wouldnt, but if people were doing this type of thing in my name, in my defense, i would at least say something about it idk. she cant control them but she makes nothing to show that she disagrees or look for the people being harassed to say something about it.

the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.

when it comes to simple things like “i prefer taller lance and i dont like taller keith” yeah, its fine to ignore people who draw taller keith and move on with your life or something like that. but we are talking about mlm, a real group of people, being upset for being portrayed in a harmful and steriotype way. its everywhere in fandom, and in real life. they cant escape from real life, and then they come to fandom where everyone wants some escapism and have to deal with more issues. its tiring

Trans(masculine) former Potterhead here! I still own the books, were a gift, a hardcover set from my mom from years ago. I even made a parody of Im a Lumberjack and I'm OK from Monty Python as I'm a Hufflepuff and I'm OK and helped found a Dumbledore's Army club at my High School I loved HP so much, I was obsessed, but now I have so many mixed emotions about the franchise I don't really know what to do.

I cannot speak for trans women, but as a queer trans person, if I see someone reading the books or watching the movies or wearing merch its like. Ok. I know I might get along with this person, they like the same stuff I (used to) like....BUT do they know how the werewolf thing is about AIDS, implying gay people are out of control monsters, and how the only villain with werewolfism specifically targets minors, implying pedophilia is a trait inherent in gay people? Do they know that when a trans woman reads the books they worry they wont be "woman enough" to keep the stairs in the girls dorm from turning into a slide, because they know that the author specifically thinks they don't deserve to sleep in the girl's dorm because of their gentials? Do they understand that JK Rowling's opinions are there, insidiously rooting into young minds? Are they reading this critically? Or do they support what JK is saying? Do they know all of these things and not care about it, dismiss it out of hand?

Does this person want me dead?

It boils down to a Feeling of Unease. Is this person safe for me to be around? There is a Very Real Danger that the person in the Ravenclaw Shirt and Golden Snitch Earrings is going to call the police on a trans woman going to the bathroom, or beat her, or even kill her, because the author of their favorite series has convinced them trans women are men in dresses and that men in women's bathrooms are dangerous. That person could also be a nice genuine nerd, queer themselves, even potentially a friend, but now I am Suspicious of that person. I am suspicious of anyone who openly enjoys it (unless they are children, kids don't know better, or if they have a tattoo, idk how old that tat is). They want to read it at home and want a discussion on new themes and how to make it better/less gross? Fine by me.

But if someone is publicaly supportting her, staying extremely active in the fandom defending the books or movies or JK herself, having and wearing merch which could direct new people (probably kids! Who will get Obsessed! And don't know better!) into buying things from her and giving her money? After all that she's done? After she literally helped create legislation against being trans?? Not cool.

The series is just simply tainted for a lot of trans folk like me. I still hold it dear foe what it did for me as a child, and I know if I read the series again I would still love it, but I would also HATE myself for enjoying it, knowing that the person who wrote this, the bit of her soul which she has given me, wants me dead. Wants my friends dead.

So I'm not really saying if you support HP publicaly people will see you as a TERF but I am also absolutely saying that people will see you as a TERF if you publicaly support the HP franchise. Death of the author is well and good when the author is dead and/or their estate doesn't get any money for new books or merch purchased, but she is alive and actively trying to kill trans folks, so literally anything that could be seen as support of her, or get others to support her even accidentally, can make trans folk uncomfortable and feel unsafe.

Hope this helped? I know I'm not the original asker, this is just my two cents.

Hi there! Thank you for posting this lengthy and very thoughtful response (and I hope you don’t mind my answering publicly -- if so, let me know and I’ll delete). There is one (admittedly very long) thing I’d like to say in response, but if you’re not looking for that, just know that I really value hearing your perspective and you can feel free to skip all of this and carry on your way. 

---

You say that you would probably enjoy the books if you reread them, but would hate yourself for doing so -- and I just want to say that what you like does not make you a bad person or act as any valid basis for deserving hate, from yourself or anyone else. 

Like, for instance, I’m a person who cannot stand horror movies and I am genuinely confused that anyone would enjoy watching terrible things happen to people for 90+ minutes. But I would never say that people who like horror movies are bad people just because they do enjoy that. The same goes for violent video games -- I don’t like them, but I don’t think the people who do are bad.

Because what media you personally enjoy has really no bearing on whether you are a good person. Being a good person is about how you treat others, whether you are kind, whether you are patient, whether you are understanding, whether you help people when you can and show up for the people in your life when they need you. It has nothing to do with whether you like a particular book or movie or videogame. 

So if you do want to reread those books because you think they would bring you joy, I hope that you do. 

Long before she became a TERF -- (and for the record, I don’t think that she was actively and consciously transphobic at the time when she was writing the books, for the simple reason that most of the people who are TERFs today weren’t at that point) -- I had already gotten used to tuning out Rowling and her fondness for Word of God pronouncements. 

Like, Dumbledore being gay actually fit into the canon very well, but others? They just felt tired and not thought-out and her whole short history of American magic was incredibly lazy. The werewolfism=AIDS thing was offensive in very real ways--and also it should be noted just does not make sense as a metaphor. Not just because AIDS will kill you and being a werewolf will not and there’s no way to bridge that fundamental disconnect -- but also because the way people talk about being a werewolf in the damn books doesn’t resemble at all the way people talk about AIDS patients in real life. Which makes me think she didn’t actually mean for it to be a metaphor when she wrote it and then years later threw it out there because it sounded good to her in the moment because she hadn’t thought it through.

By the time we got to wizards shitting on the floor because she very clearly forgot that she had already had chamber pots referenced in the text, I was long-since tapped out. 

Which is all just to say that it is beyond fair for you to use being a fan of Harry Potter as a data point in gauging your safety as a trans person -- but if we’re talking just about you enjoying the books?

Well, in that case, fuck Rowling and her weird post-canon comments that half the time don’t even make sense. If she wanted trans girls to not be allowed up the stairs to the girls’ dormitory, she should have put it in the damn text. As far as I’m concerned, trans girls and trans boys are allowed up whichever staircase matches their sense of themselves (and, I like to think, nonbinary kids get the run of the whole tower). 

In fact, as far as I’m concerned, she lost the right to have me care what she says about the Harry Potter universe when all of her comments started being unbearably lazy, asinine, and/or nonsensical. If she’d been half this uninspired and careless when writing the actual books, I would have stopped reading them. 

This has been a very long reply on that single point, but I want to end by saying that the point is, even if I accepted the premise that liking the Harry Potter books is in and of itself wrong -- and I hope I’ve made something of a case that it’s not -- it still shouldn’t be something you hate yourself over. Short of actually murdering people, I’m not sure there’s anything that’s grounds to outright hate yourself, honestly, but liking a book is definitely not on the list. 

Either way, you seem like a lovely person, one who is very thoughtful and has been very patient and generous with your time in writing all of that out. I hope that you find ways to also be a little more patient and generous with yourself -- about Harry Potter or any other topic -- because you deserve that and you do not deserve to be hated by anyone, least of all yourself. And I also hope you have a good rest of your night. 

What was your worst / most embarrassing experience, what have you experienced since gaining weight / getting fatter?

To look at me you or talk to me you wouldn't know but i struggle (in my head) with pretty bad social anxiety so I dont put myself out there too much , like theres things id wear around the house that i wouldnt wear in public because even if i feel confident in them , i know how others would react and i like to kind of keep myself to myself if that makes sense? so I haven't really had many embarrassing experiences as such and I'm quite open about being fat (although not the feedee lifestyle) so people see me as this outgoing person who makes fun of herself , is open and happy with being really big and doesn't give a shit what people have to say (again I dont seem outwardly anxious) . So people tend not to say anything to me , my mum says I'm beautiful no matter what and she saw me struggle with my weight as a teenager and is just happy that I'm happy in myself.

I did once sit on one of those chairs that hold some air in the seat and it let out a loud noise which was embarrassing in step 1 of a job interview , in step 2 for the same job I broke a chair from sitting on it so yeah I wanted the ground to swallow me whole 😂.

Theres a lot that comes with getting bigger that people don't realise . There's painful joints (mainly my knees are stiff in the morning ) I have to roll over a lot more at night because my legs get sore on the side im lying too. You don't have as much motivation to do things like (at risk of sounding like a terrible mother) I hate swing parks and running around although I do it because I want mt child to be as happy as possible. I get out of breath easier ofcourse.

And something no one thinks about is well its hella expensive to be this fat 🤣🤣 between the foot i eat , the clothes are more expensive right down to the fact I've broken numerous beds!! The bed I have right now has a big ditch in it where I sleep because I've broken the divan base , wooden slats are a no go and neither is a metal frame , i need something reinforced 😅.

Aside from all of that theres the medical aspect , I damaged my gallbladder from doing high calorie weight gain shakes back in 2014ish and had some minor issues with it for years and then it got 10 times worse when I had my child in 2017 . I struggled with excruciating pain after heavy meals and after one really bad attack in December 2018 I ended up in hospital with acute necrotizing pancreatitis- a gallbladder stone was stuck and my pancreatic juices were literally eating me from the inside out , my kidneys started failing and remain damaged to this day along with my pancreas which now only has 50% function , the rest is dead, the pain was the worst thing I've ever experienced and I couldnt walk or breathe without pain for days- it took me 20 minutes to get to the toilet in the hospital room. My surgeon didn't think I'd make it through the night but I fought! I had to eat no fat for 3 months and lost a few stone by the time my operation came round, i had my gallbladder removed last March and been fighting fit every since with no side effects, no more pain and ive found it very easy to gain weight without trying ever since!

I know you probably expected my reply to be 'im so fat I break shit a lot , get stuck in the bath , my belly touches my steering wheel when I drive' etc but yeah this is the reality of being a very fat person . Ofcourse theres lots of good too but you didn't ask for that 🤣🤣💗