Wait I'm gonna start doing astrological readings for acotar characters 👀 I haven't practiced anything with astrology in ages but I think this could be so fun

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Hey! I’m an artist and writer. Mostly an artist but I do like to write when I have the brainpower for it. I binge a lot of movies, some tv shows and YouTube ๑(◕‿◕)๑

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Obviously going by this blog, I have completely fixated (read: latched on to) Dark Danny/Dan Phantom from Danny Phantom. He’s basically my comfort character at this point since I first laid eyes on him years and years ago.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ While there are Dan centred fanblogs, most of them are art oriented and few fanfic oriented. I tend to write a fair bit of fics with Dan in them, hence one of the reasons why I made this blog. Art will be reblogged from time to time.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ I want to dip my toes into the “character x reader” stories. I did find a Dan x Reader once, but it wasn’t that great to be honest, and it was on Wattpad. There does seem to be a lack of Dan x Reader, I kind of want to fulfil that.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ If you don’t mind oc x canon stories, I have my male oc Kai paired with Dan. I may or may not ask for prompts about them.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ This version of Dan I write is canon divergent in terms of personality, he only ever had one episode and was (imo) unfairly shafted to the side as a one time character. His canon personality doesn’t give me much room to work with, so a few tweaks to it won’t hurt much.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ If you’re that type of person to who strictly adheres to canon...this might not be the blog for you.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Feel free to send asks (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

⇢ ˗ˏˋ A small tangent about posts: Liking posts does nothing for creators on Tumblr, it doesn’t have an algorithm. The only way posts get around Tumblr is to reblog them.

╰┈➤ From the get-go, please pay attention to the ask box for when fic requests/prompts are open or closed.

╰┈➤ I will take requests/prompts in batches, you may only send in one at a time. I can only handle so many things at once. On special occasions, I might open the ask box for themed prompts.

╰┈➤ I will take LGBTQ+ requests/prompts (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

╰┈➤ I can and will write fics where shipping/romance is not the focus.

╰┈➤ Please be specific with your requests/prompts. Be patient with me, writing takes up a lot of brain energy you know.

╰┈➤ No discourse. I don’t care about it that much, keep it away from here.

╰┈➤ I do write smut, but first and foremost, no kids on this blog, you must be 18 and older to request smut. Blank and ageless blogs will be blocked.

╰┈➤ There are certain things I won’t write, if I listed them all out...we’d be here for quite a while. If you’re unsure about something, send me an ask.

╰┈➤ Incest, pedophilia, underage, etc. are hard no’s. You will be blocked if you send it to my inbox.

╰┈➤ I will only write Dan and other characters as adults.

╰┈➤ You can send asks about headcanons, I’d really like to talk about my fave (づ ◕‿◕ )づ 

╰┈➤ For Dan x reader, please be specific with the gender of the reader.

: ̗̀➛ Fic Masterlist

: ̗̀➛ Tag Navigation

: ̗̀➛ I’ll be using gifs to indicate what kind of fics I’ll be posting

My very first mechanisms fic!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40981737

Found Family! Soft, protective Jonny! Newly mechanized Ivy! Hurt/comfort! Stealing Ashes’ stuff! All this and more for the low low price of pls read my fic.

Full fic under cut:

Logically, Ivy knew that this wasn’t the end of the world. Firstly, she was on the Aurora, her home for the last month or so, so there wasn’t a world to be ending. Secondly, she’d survived the end of her world, at least that’s what Carmilla had told her when she woke up with no memories and a computer for a brain. And Thirdly, millions of species across the galaxies experience menstruation, and in the grand scheme of things some abdominal cramping and a bit of blood were inconsequential, infinitesimal.

But despite the whole computer-for-brains-logicality, Ivy was kind of panicking. Logic dictated that she must have had periods before, as she was an adult biological female of her species, but she had no waking memories of her life before her mechanism. Only unremembered flashes in her dreams. Her data logs revealed that, though she wasn’t the only woman on the ship, no one else on the Aurora experienced periods. Making her the odd one out yet again.

She knew that she needed to move, to take care of the blood slowly seeping into her bedsheets, but the blind panic kept tightening her chest, making it hard to listen to the logical analog running through her head. Her breaths quickened and stuttered, and a tiny part of her algorithms wondered why Carmilla had programmed her head to allow such reactions. Another part of her was glad she was still human enough for it.

A loud banging on her door frightened her out of her spiral. From the intensity it sounded like Jonny, which puzzled Ivy. Jonny had been pretty much avoiding her, though the ship was huge so there was a 38% chance that their paths just hadn’t crossed in the short time she’d been with him. Though when they did meet for the weekly “Family Dinners” Carmilla insisted on, he insisted on calling her the “Baby Immortal”. She was still jumpy around the wanton violence that filled the ship, especially between Jonny and Ashes (Nastya told her that Jonny felt threatened by Ashes, as technically the role of Quartermaster outranks him, and that Ashes keeps picking in an attempt to establish dominance, but the data is inconclusive).

“Don’t come in.” Ivy’s voice is flat, almost monotone, as is her default in stress. It took more energy and brainpower to show the emotions she felt, and she couldn’t help but wonder if that was how she was before, or if it was a quirk of her new brain. The knocking stopped, and was quickly replaced by Jonny’s voice.

“Hey, Aurora sent me to check on ya, I dunno why she didn’t sent fuckin’ Nastya or some shit, but she did seem kinda worried? So I guess I just wanna make sure you’re…okay? Well as ok as you can be.” Jonny’s voice had an unfamiliar tone that Ivy’s brain cataloged as…worried perhaps? Annoyed, but softer?

“I…” Ivy didn’t know how to respond. She curled up tighter, feeling miserable. “I guess you can come in.” Jonny was more used to blood than she was, maybe it wouldn’t bother him.

The door opened with a quiet whoosh. “Ok, Baby Immortal, what’s…wrong…?” Jonny trailed off as he got closer, and Ivy buried her face in her pillow. “Oh.” Ivy felt the bed dip a bit, Jonny must’ve sat down. “Hey, It’s ok, this shit’s natural…at least, for a lot of species it is…though I guess if it’s not natural for you then we might have a fucking problem--”

“No…” Ivy cut him off. “It’s natural, and I know it is but I just…” She took a shaky breath. “I wasn’t expecting it, and it hurts and I’m uncomfortable, and I don’t know what to do.”

She also wasn’t expecting the explosive first mate to gently touch her arm, and she flinched a little at the unexpected sensation. The weight immediately lifted, and Ivy shifted so she could see Jonny’s face. He didn’t seem as…feral as he usually did, not as sharp.

“Well, I think you should get cleaned up, I can go see if we have anything for the pain and for…y’know…the blood. I’d suggest a hot shower, and we’ll figure this out. ‘Kay?”

Ivy felt like her limbs were made of lead, but she nodded. She moved towards her en suite bathroom (a necessity on the Aurora. I mean, can you imagine a crew of immortal space pirates having to share a bathroom? More like a Bloodbath room.) Everything ached as she shrugged off her shorts and tank top, but the hot water did wonders and she stayed under the spray for way too long.

But all good things have to end apparently. She wrapped herself in a fluffy towel she was 97.03% sure hadn’t been there before, and noted that her bloody shorts weren’t where she left them. Had she really been so out of it that Jonny had snuck into her bathroom without her noticing? Walking into her bedroom confirmed her suspicions: Her bed had been stripped and the sheets replaced. There was a box of tampons and some sparacetamol (space paracetamol) on her bed with a note.

cum down to my korters courter qarte room when your ready or dont i dont care but i do have a heating pad and choclat -- JDV

Spelling and grammar errors aside, Ivy found herself touched by the offer. She took care of herself and got dressed in a sports bra and some baggy sweats she stole from Ashes, popping some of the painkillers dry and scooping up one of her books as she headed down to Jonny’s quarters. She reached into her pocket and found a knife and one of Ashes’ lighters. At least she had a weapon if this turned out to be a trap, though there was really only an 18.09% chance of that.

She’d never been to Jonny’s room before, though it largely looked the way she’d imagined: clothes and belts strewed about, mysterious stains and dents in the walls, more weaponry than there was in the armoury. But the bed was made, not super neatly but obviously done, with a weighted blanket, heating pads, and lots of pillows laid out. Jonny was in the center of the room kicking piles of clutter into his closet, but he stopped when Ivy knocked on the open doorframe.

“Ah, feeling any better?”

Ivy nodded. “I’m feeling 12.78% better than I did before.”

Jonny nodded sagely. “Well let’s see if we can boost that any higher.” He led her to the bed and helped her arrange all her limbs into a comfortable position: back propped up with pillows, heating pads for both her back and her stomach, as well as a cooler with ice packs if she overheated, blankets for if she got chilly, and some expensive looking chocolate. When the note said chocolate, she was expecting a sphershey’s bar or something similar. Jonny caught her looking and gave her a sharp-toothed grin.

“Nicked these from Ashes’ stash while they were busy doing inventory. New the fucker was holding out on me.”

He walked over to his desk, kicking things out of the way as he did so. Ivy catalogued another new expression as he turned back to face her, this time…sheepish? In his hands was a small stack of paperback novels, a little tattered around the edges but clearly loved and cared for.

“I know you like reading, though these are just shitty dime novels, but I kind of liked them so I thought you might wanna, fuck I dunno, read ‘em?” Jonny was refusing to make eye contact with her as he began to ramble. “You don’t have to, they’re prolly not as good as whatever you brought for yerself but…”

“Why are you doing this?” That came out way blunter than Ivy meant it, cutting through Jonny’s downward spiral. “I mean…All these nice things, like washing my clothes and sheets and stealing from Ashes and finding me tampons and giving me your heating pads and books I…” Ivy took a breath. “You don’t even like me. So I can’t figure out why Aurora sent you to take care of me, or you’re being so nice.”

“I…” Jonny looked visibly uncomfortable at the prospect of talking about feelings, but he squared his shoulders. “I do like you, Baby Immortal. I know I’m the fucking worst at showing it, but you’re part of the dysfunctional immortal family now. I’ve been avoiding you cause I’m angry Carmilla mechanized you, that you didn’t have a choice in the matter and that you don’t remember who you were, but I’m not mad at you. And Aurora sent me ‘cause I’m the only one in this godforsaken crew that knows what you’re going through.”

Ivy blinked. “My data banks say that no one else in the crew experiences periods.”

“Yeah, well I don’t anymore,” Jonny bit out. “The doc fixed that when she took my heart out. Hysterectomy, Double Mastectomy, and Open Heart Surgery at the same time. To be fair, I was dead at the time so it wasn’t a strain on me, and my mechanism sped up my recovery time crazy fast. It’s one of the only redeeming things about the whole clusterfuck: I have to live forever, but at least I can do it in the body I wanted.” His words took on a bitter tone, and his face turned red as he realized how much he’d said. “Sorry, didn’t mean to ramble…”

Ivy recalled that Jonny had traveled with Carmilla for about a year before being mechanized, which made the box of tampons and heating pad make much more sense. She gave Jonny a small smile. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

Jonny shrugged. “That’s what I’m here for. Now, I’ll get out of your bright red hair and--”

“Wait, you’re not staying?” Ivy blurted out. Jonny looked back at her with wide eyes.

“I mean, I figured you’d want some time to yourself and I’m not the nicest to be around so I thought I’d fuck off for a bit to give you some space?” He looked a bit unsure.

“Will…” Ivy didn’t want him to go. “Will you stay?” Though it was Jonny’s room, so maybe she should go?

Jonny froze for a moment, like a blue-screening computer, and Ivy could swear she heard the windows startup noises as he rebooted. But before she could panic again, the first mate shrugged, a bit too forcefully to be natural, and climbed into the bed next to her. She snuggled into his side and opened one of his dime novels, one with a cyborg cowboy on the cover. And they spent the next few hours curled up together, Ivy reading aloud and Jonny playing the part of a combination weighted blanket/heating pad.

And it didn’t feel like the end of the world anymore.

hello hello! how is your latest writing WIP coming along? Are there any particular scenes you're really looking forward to writing? Any characters you've fallen in love with more than you anticipated? (this is a friendly excuse to talk about your story and characters!)

Oh boy... You've opened the floodgates, my friend.

The Dragon Prince's Consort is going well, I'm several chapters ahead of the posting schedule but I am having to acknowledge the fact that I've been on a little bit of a dry spell because of starting a new job. It's one of those that needs a lot of brainpower in the beginning because I'm still training, and I'm the kind of person who stresses out if things aren't just *PERFECT* so the period between "I'm new so no one expects me to know anything yet" and "I've been here long enough to know what I'm doing" is my least-favorite part of starting a new job. Some days I come home with half a brain cell and just enough energy left to eat a handful of shredded cheese and go to sleep. Damn you, capitalism! Let me write!!

But enough of that.

At the moment TDPC is hovering just under 160 reads on Wattpad, which is fine because a lot of people who follow me wait until I'm done writing to binge. STARFISH was like that, once I let everyone know it was DONE done I started getting weekend warriors who would mainline the whole thing in a couple of days and flood my inbox with screaming emojis. Someone is doing that right now and it's always a delight.

Anyway, TDPC is all plotted out and has been for a while now, so the task is to finish writing the damn thing. And like most ADHD people I already have another story lined up that I'm working on an outline for and may or may not have started drafting the first chapter 😉 I like to take little breaks from one story and work on something else to keep things fresh and interesting, otherwise it's like eating pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner - pizza is great, I love pizza, but by Day 2 I'll gnaw off my own legs for a salad or some soup.

This new one I'm excited about because I've never written a true Villain before. Well, he's not really a villain, per se, more like a "fuck you, fuck your rules, I do what I want" type of guy. I figured if I've written two stories with cinnamon-roll male leads it's time for someone who's more a walking middle finger to society and laws in general. While he's not a mass-murderer or anything, this guy definitely has blood on his hands and isn't the easiest to live with, as the heroine will find out once she's conscious again. I figure most people love a Bad Boy who is a Good Man, so I'm going to see what I can do with that.

Now for his foil, boy is SHE a mess. Look, someone is going to take one look at this sorry thing and yell BOO MARY SUE but frankly I don't care. There's a point to making her such a sad sack and it won't become clear until her bastardization arc kicks in. Plus, I figure if she has a history of making terrible decisions when it comes to men then having her do a little more of the same is in-character for her. Except maybe this time it's different because she's trying NOT to be such a good girl, maybe this time she won't be so naive and her newfound cynicism might prove useful.

The whole story has a Heavy Metal (of which I am a MASSIVE fan) vibe to it, it's a lot grittier than my last two and that's on purpose. I've been listening to a lot of psychedelic doom metal (more than usual) to get my head in the right space for it, which has been interesting. It's not going to be a pretty story, full of flowers and sparkles and happy, because at this point in the universe in my head all the shiny has worn off the concept of First Contact and now we have to deal with the realities of life in space among half a dozen other species, all with their own goals, fears and issues. I've decided to leave my comfort zone of writing cute stories about sweet people and instead do something that I think a lot of people are going to see as dark and even problematic - some themes are not going to be easy to digest, even for someone like me who's lived a relatively easy life, but I hope that I can do some justice to it by 1, talking about it and thus making it less taboo, and 2, doing what I usually do which is make the plot as important as the sexy bits.

However, I do have some hard rules I DON'T break while writing, and there are a few things I will NOT use as plot devices or tropes - I don't write about SA, I won't write an abusive relationship, and I don't do age gaps where one person is underage. I may go right up to the line and stare at it, but not only am I not comfortable writing those I don't want to drive readers off. I'm grey about "trigger warnings" in that I think people should be prepared to run into things that may upset them in fiction, film and art because that's the whole point, but I also believe in self-censorship and letting people decide for themselves to put down something I or another creator has made. It's only fair to give readers an out when things get too hairy, I've put down a LOT of books because the author decided that dubcon was okay when it wasn't, or because their male MC was just an insufferable ass with Alpha Male syndrome (yuck). Hell, I've lost interest in entire SERIES because I've seen tropes get subverted and then the author goes back on the old trope, completely derailing and destroying what could have been a WONDERFUL twist because they didn't commit to getting weird with it. Like my late father always said, "If you're gonna be a bear, be a Grizzly." At the very least, be a Grizzly in a funny hat.

Scenes I'm really looking forward to include Captain PTSD's "aren't you tired of being good?" speech, Miss Sad Sack discovering his "Daddy Mode" and being UNCOMFORTABLY turned on by it, a recurring bit where she has to sit in his lap for business reasons and it is excruciatingly embarrassing how much she comes to like it, an incident where wounds are literally licked in super-inappropriate places, a plethora of R-rated one-liners, and a frankly STUPID amount of sexual tension between two idiots who know EXACTLY what needs to happen, but pride, stubbornness and personal convictions keep it from happening (just... SO MUCH TENSION). A lot of really bad decisions will be made and people are gonna get hurt, but I'm hoping by the end what looks like the beginning of a Very Bad Situation will turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to both of them. I'm also looking forward to playing with more Daddy-dom scenarios that AREN'T borderline abusive, the concept of "you cannot legislate morality", a new alien species with some WEIRD behavioral quirks, and ☆*KNOTTING*☆ Yaaaay!

If you're gonna be a bear, be a Space-Grizzly with a wizard hat and a tricycle made of napalm and glitter.

WHAT YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND SECRETLY NEEDS FROM YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS / pick a card

(This is an intuitive reading)

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE EDITION

Note : Thank you for all the support on my other post. It's great being back. I'm going to do my best to be more consistent.

pile 1 :

I think your subconscious mind is done with the same old experiences in romance. Whether that’s romantic interests or partners texting you at 3 am for…you know or partners who feel the need to lie about things. You’re over it and rightfully so. Your subconscious mind needs someone/something completely new for your love life. You want something real and not as surface as the experiences of the past. You want a meaningful romantic experience/relationship.

Some advice from your subconscious mind is that to get and experience this newness in your love life, you need to start saying no to the same old tired experiences. If someone is offering you something surface, you should not entertain it. You attract what you accept. Your subconscious mind really wants to end this cycle and start a brand new one in love. One where your romantic interest values you in every way. Where you’re constantly pleasantly surprised by the things that they say and what they do. A partner who prioritizes you and regards you with their heart.

pile 2 :

Wow. You guys secretly want comfort and safety in your romantic relationships / romantic love. You want someone who will stay indoors with you, cuddled up with you. Someone who will be very clear and transparent with how they feel about you. You might really appreciate words of affirmation. You might also need someone who takes control (in the right way). In the past, in and outside of your love life, you might have always been in control and made the decisions.

You just want someone who takes the lead in a respectful way. Someone who is effective in that way because they’ve taken the time to study you and your needs and wants. You want your love life to be the place where you rest. Where you don’t have to spend so much of your energy and brainpower. You require softness for sure - that’s really cute pile 2.

pile 3 :

Your life might be overwhelming right now. You’re just trying to figure it out. You’re currently piecing your life puzzle together and your subconscious mind really wants someone who will stick it out through all the phases. In other words, someone who can keep up with your evolution because it is quite rapid. You’re going through a lot of phases.

I also heard that some of you might be in a new place/environment/country etc. and while you settle down and find your footing, your subconscious mind requires romantic experiences that ground you and kind of keep you “sane” during this time. I just want to tell you that you’re doing amazing and that you should keep going. You’re having a big emotional growth spurt and ultimately that’s what’s important.

pile 4 :

Is there a lack of feeling in your love life? Maybe you had a romantic partner and you didn’t feel the way you expected to feel. Maybe you have never had a partner and you seek that “feeling”. Well, your subconscious mind craves a fulfilling, satisfying, pleasurable and loving feeling from your love life. You want experiences that make you feel brighter - more energetic. Your love life is a blank canvas despite your experience or lack thereof and your subconscious mind wants to paint it.

You might’ve had a lot of time to focus on yourself and your journey but your subconscious mind would really love bright, fun and beautiful experiences in your romantic life. This might also point to optimism so you might crave romantic experiences or a romantic partner that makes you super optimistic in love again. Don’t fall into the trap that is the illusion that you’ve lost hope - hope lives inside of your heart and it really believes in that love you want. Enjoy your life and allow yourself to hope and if not - sit in the emotions but don’t dwell in them.

Bad Date? (Maria Hill x reader)

Request: YES (at end of oneshot)

Content Warning: Drinking, mentions of cheating

A/N: Here you go hun! I didn’t really know how to write the reader as a tomboy so sorry if it wasn’t quite what you wanted. Oh and one bit was a tiny bit inspired by Two Weeks Notice (with Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock) so if you notice that well done? Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Taglist:  @holybatflapexpert​​ @startrekkingaroundasgard​ @natasha-danvers​ @a-stressedstudent​ (if you would like to be added, please fill out the form in my bio)

A loud knock at the door startled Maria out of her administration haze; she sighed, taking in the heap of strewn sheets. Her usually immaculate desktop was barely visible under the mountain of paperwork that had just been piling up endlessly since her day had started. It was already looking like she might have to stay well past her contractually mandated hours just to clear what she already had. The legal team at Stark Industries had been on the phone with her non-stop, demanding evidence or explanations that were either highly confidential, non-existent or possibly even both. Maria was honestly sick to death of having to clean up both the physical and PR messes of the Avengers.

“Come in.” She was unable to muster any energy into her order, hoping to whatever mighty being out there that it was an agent she could actually stand. Or really just any agent other than Agent Mace. He had been needlessly suffocating, bouncing into her office, whenever he so pleased, to ask a question that really only required the most miniscule amount of brainpower to be answered. It was a miracle he had ever been hired.

Y/N poked her head through the door, an easy smile tilting her lips upwards. Maria returned the infectious grin despite herself, a giddy, light sensation spreading through her chest.

“Oh, good, Agent Y/L/N. These are the mission debriefs that you filed, would you mind taking them down to Agent Coulson?” Maria rifled through the stuffed drawer by her leg and passed her a thick brown file.

Y/N grabbed it, their fingertips brushing lightly and Maria jolted slightly as an electric spark shot up her arm. “Sure, I got it.”

“Now, after you’ve dropped them down, you can start with the files for your next-”

Y/N interrupted her, smiling sheepishly, “Actually, I don’t know how much time I have. That’s what I came here to ask you about. Tony sort of set me up on a date with someone tonight.”

Maria’s heart sank, a sickening heavy feeling, and she wasn’t quite sure why. She shook it off, blaming it on a sudden bout of exhaustion and mustered an enthusiastic grin. Scraping the papers on her desk together, she stapled them together with a satisfying click.

“Great.”

Y/N took that as a dismissal as she backed away, towards the door. “I just have to figure out what to wear. I don't have anything.”

Y/N almost giggled and a wave of nausea rolled over Maria as she swallowed harshly. Y/N looked ready to soar with joy, like an entrapped bird in a cage that she held the key to.

“Have fun.” Maria couldn’t help the bitterness seeping into her words and Y/N’s face contorted, startled for a second, before schooling herself into a more composed expression.

What the hell was that. Maria was astounded as Y/N backed out without another word, a placating smile fixed to her cheeks. She attributed her sudden passive-aggressiveness on an envy of being able to leave work without feeling the immense burden of knowing how much else she had to do. But she’d never had this problem before when it came to her work-life balance.

Maybe she was finally feeling the need to get back into a relationship.

:.

Maria groaned as the clock hand hit seven and she hadn’t seemed to have made a dent int the pile. She’d have to work the night on this lot; she was prepping an incredibly time-pressured, high-stakes mission, so they were sending the team out tomorrow. The window had been made known to them only a couple hours ago, at most.

She wondered if Y/N was having a better night than her. A nice dinner out, good conversation and freely flowing wine. Then, dancing in the arms of her pretty date and maybe getting a kiss goodnight.

No. This was unprofessional. Maria shook her head, blinking hurriedly, as she tried to clear her mind of any distracting thoughts.

Work.

Right…

Eliott Callahan, ex-CIA, presumed deceased after a mission went wrong in 2007. Recently resurfaced with links to the Tribe of Salvation, an organisation that had been previously unknown until ties to the Ten Rings had been revealed. Supposedly owned a scientific reserve in North Carolina which was too heavily guarded to not be hiding anything. Callahan had given them a way in, now they needed to take the place out.

Maria’s eyes watered as she stared at the security schematics and the notes made by top SHIELD security specialists. God, she wished she had Y/N here to give her some advice on it. Y/N’s expertise was in getting into places she shouldn’t be, which is how SHIELD had found her. But Y/N was having fun on a nice date with a nice girl and Maria couldn’t help but admitting that it had brightened her day to see Y/N happy.

The last mission, Lima, had taken a toll on everyone’s mental health, and Maria couldn’t help but blame herself for the failure. Four of their top agents had been taken out and the others, who had barely survived, had still not passed their psych evals. Today had been the first time Y/N had been visibly giddy or enthusiastic about anything since then.

:.

“Hi.”

Maria scooted her chair to face the door; head buried in a document as she muttered the lines to herself as she read. Lifting her head slowly, she blinked owlishly at the figure in the door.

“Y/N?”

Y/N hovered in the doorway, still wearing a very flattering suit that Maria couldn’t help but admire. She offered Maria a small but weary smile, shifting from foot to foot.

“Come in, take a seat, how was it?” Maria wasn’t sure if she were acting enthusiastic enough to believably be realistically overjoyed for Y/N having been on a date, but she was sure she could instead pass as being worn out.

Y/N slumped into the hard-plastic chair, which rolled backwards due to her momentum. Unlacing her shoes, she yanked them off and massaged the soles of her feet. She stretched out her stocking-covered legs, gently rubbing circles into the back of her ankles and calves.

“It was horrendous,” Y/N groaned, tilting her head back in exasperation. “I mean, does Tony know me at all? Coulson made me babysit him for 3 years, he should know me better than to set me up with someone like that.”

“Like that?”

“Oh, God, she was about 20 minutes late and didn’t get off her phone the entire time. When she finally made some conversation, it was all about her ex-boyfriends. Like, not even ex-girlfriends. And she was always texting at the table. How rude is that!” Y/N’s cheeks were flushed pink and her eyes were glazed as she yawned, delicately raising a hand to cover a mouth while she stretched out like a cat. Y/N smiled sleepily at Maria as she curled into the uncomfortable chair.

Maria returned the smile softly, somewhat reassured by Y/N’s vehement complaints. “Sounds awful. No second date then?”

“God no, I’d rather be reassigned to… to the Arctic!” Y/N threw her hands up dramatically, the seat wobbling beneath her.

“That can be arranged.”

Y/N was unimpressed by Maria’s dry tone, bottom lip jutting out as she folded her arms sulkily.

A sudden thought popped into her mind. She brightened abruptly, sitting up again. “As if you’d do that. You wouldn’t survive without me.”

“You wish.” Y/N was cute while tipsy, Maria mused, before jolting at the thought. No, she was her supervisor, she could not be thinking like that.

“So, tell me.” Y/N’s chin was slipping off her hand as she yawned, elbow firmly planted on the desk. “I’ve told you how shit my date was, what’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?”

Maria paused as she took a mental step back from all the work thoughts accumulating at the back of her head. “Well, back in high school, it wasn’t really a date. At least, I hadn’t thought it was because I’d just come out. To everyone. And I went out for lunch with a friend, a guy named Tyler and he ended up telling me that he could turn me straight again. He also decided to show me the numerous photos of his penis. He had a whole folder on his phone in different lightings and from different angles.”

Y/N had clapped a hand over her mouth, “That’s horrendous, I don’t think I could ever look at someone the same if they did that. Like unsolicited and all that.”

“Yeah, definitely was the final nail in putting me off men.”

Y/N giggled, a pretty sound that Maria couldn’t help but want to hear more of.

“So,” she began, pursing her lips as she tried to think of how to continue.

“So?” Maria laughed

“Yeah, so, tell me. Is there anyone in your life? Anyone special?”

Maria snorted. “No, God no. I haven’t had the time in all honesty; I’m barely on top of my work, never mind sorting out a love life at the same time.”

“I thought… I thought that you were dating Agent Hayes?”

“No, we broke up a while ago over… mutual difference involving work and personal lives becoming too heavily involved.”

“Okay… so that’s what you wrote on the official forms about your break-up. Now, tell me again with feelings. Come on, let’s have a proper deep chat.”

“Hm.” Maria glanced back at the document she’d discarded back onto the pile and groaned. There was clearly a better option of the two. “Fine. I’m sure you are aware of Agent Hayes’ reputation.” Y/N frowned and shook her head. “As a… honey trap. It seems that she was unable to remove that part of her life from our personal lives and decided to… practice on other agents and people in our lives.”

Maria spoke bitterly, expression twisted in a grimace like she had tasted something extremely sour.

“So, basically she’s a cheating bitch.”

“Yeah.” Maria nodded. That summarised her perfectly.

“Well, fuck her, we don’t need shitty women in our lives. Am I right or am I right?” Y/N’s voice rose as she declared her statement triumphantly, sending Maria a quick grin as she pumped a fist in the air.

“Yes, you’re right.” Maria was tentative, unsure whether she wanted to ask the words on the tip of her tongue. “Anyone else in your life?”

“Well,” Y/N took a deep breath, working up the courage to do something momentous. “I did like someone, but I thought they were dating someone, so I let Tony set me up on an absolutely awful blind date.” Her voice lowered to more of a murmur. “But now I found out that the woman I like is single.”

Maria blinked. Could she-? No. Well, there was no point in not trying. “What if the woman liked you back?”

“I’d probably ask if I could kiss her.” Y/N glanced at Maria’s lips, the glaze in her eyes no longer from alcohol.

“I think she’d say yes. She’d be pretty dumb not to.”

Y/N leant in, and Maria’s breath caught in her throat. She had to be dreaming. Their lips met and every thought flew out of her head as she melted into the kiss. Maria pulled away, laughing at Y/N’s pout.

“Wait. Come here.” Maria patted her lap and Y/N eagerly straddled her legs, one hand cupping her chin, the other on the back of her head. “That’s better.”

She kissed her again, an awestruck expression appearing on Y/N’s face as she grinned blissfully. Maria could smell the sweet scent of Y/N’s perfume invading her senses, everything blurring as her mind focused in on the way Y/N seemed to fit perfectly in her arms. Or the hand gripping the hair at the base of her neck as Y/N kept her head in place, the other caressing her cheek.

As they broke apart again, Y/N stayed on Maria’s lap, wrapping her arms around her neck.

“I have to finish this work, but you’re welcome to stay and help. It’ll go twice as quickly.”

Y/N pecked her lips. “Deal.”

-

Request:  Maria hill x female, tomboy, reader where Maria hears that tony set the reader up on a date with some girl he knew. Maria can’t stop thinking about it and ends up staying up through the night until r dare is over. Reader comes back after the date and they talk and reader makes fun of how bad the date was. (aren’t in relationship but get together after talking)

hiiiiiii. i was wondering if u could assign your moots as fanfics or tropes? love your works !

omg yes! i think my inbox has been acting up lately but i’m so glad this one came through! also to my moots: if i didn’t get you, it probably means i don’t know you all that well, feel free to hit up my dms and let’s talkkk <33

long asf so under the cut it goes!

@seeing-dreams: lori babe, something about you talking about marrying your hubby 💍 chenle all the time, so much so that the only thing i can think of is: a three-day school trip to some ski resort, and you are forced to sit on the bus with him because your best friend ditched you for her own manz which led to a slight e2l at first, but then you guys bond on the lifty things (tf are they called, like the things that take you up the mountains 🚠) and then boom, magic happens, y’all are engaged.

@orange-nimon-cross: straight up got confused for a sec bc i kept tryna type @/yunha, but here goes: you probably think imma say angst, but nahh, we going ✈️ soft hours. i’m thinking a bsf2l w sicheng, like a high school au where you guys have liked each other for forever but neither of you are willing to admit it until hmm, let’s say he’s asked to prom by someone else and (duN, dUN, DUN) he says yes because he thinks you’ll never like him back...so thus ensues a long, agonizing, period where you stop talking and (this is turning into an angst), and then finally at prom, in like the most dramatic and prolonged way, you lay your feelings straight to him and everyone’s like ö and then you’re crying bc you think it’s a mistake, oh no i’ve ruined everything, omg wtf is wrong w me, and then he kisses you :)

@moonbeamsung: hannah, so here’s the thing. i’m writing it right now. UGH. i was gonna keep this a secret until i decided to release it for sure but ‘chocolate milk’ (the renjun x reader that was supposed to be released over the past break but lol no) is for you! inspired by a bio of yours that i saw on some network where you said you wanted to live in a childhood friends to lovers au, and i manifested it, i really did, but i have no release date as of now HAHA ily.

@lebrookestore: BROOKE, YOU ALREADY KNOW, taeyong angst. i’m also writing it right now so i’m unable to give too much detail but you literally already know (since you requested it LMAO). uhh, let’s see what i can say for now: college au (someone stop me from writing college aus from here on forward), uhh ex!taeyong, uhh vodka in milk 🥛. teaser comes out this week, it’s angsty to the max (but fluff ending!)

@moonlightjeno: luna! my hands are itching to type ‘streetracer jeno au’ but i’m trying to not say something so gosh darn obvious. OMG I GOT IT. we were discussing this the other day hehe -- fantasy au (wink wonk) OMG (ok this doesn’t necessarily count as fantasy bc i’m not bouta world build in this one ask but) werewolf!jeno -- consider me dead 💀consider me deceased ⚰️, consider me to have never been birthed in the first place ❌🤰. this reminds me of this exo bbh fanfic, i read like fifteen times a long while ago, called ‘psych’ (i think the acc has deactivated since) but similarly...you’re broke and you’ll take any rental listing within a twenty minute walk to your college (college au again, when can i stop with these) and you move into the one listing that fit your budget -- but you have to room with (a very hot) roommate!jeno and all the neighbors are already telling you about his “anger issues” and how he likes to smash things around all the damn time. you find out soon enough, one horrifying night, when you walk into his room (door accidentally unlocked) to give him his idk...mail...and right before your eyes he’s shifting (full moon’s out 🌕 and all that) and in the midst, he’s like yelling at you to leave and you do, but then the next time you force him to let you stay with him and over time, he learns to control and you guys fall in love yada, yada, yada. (i really went off didn’t i? oh dear, ignore me).

@danishmiilk: xingyi, hello 👋 , it is i, ree, who you never talk to. but hear me out, babe...coffee shop au...manager!doyoung x customer!reader...in which you complain *once* about how rude the cashier (haechan) was for commenting that your order (a perfectly normal hot chocolate with extra whip cream and sprinkles) was for kiDs oNLy. mans was dragged from his office in the back and, surprisingly unsurprisingly, y’all hit it off right away -- it took only *once* for him to ask you out on a date, rendering cashier!haechan speechless and your world upturned....HAHA. negl, this plot slaps.

@jaeminzie: cel babe, this one literally radiates your energy, i am 👏 not 👏 even 👏 joking. first off, childhood au (i sense another recurring theme...oh no), you and bestfriend!jaemin (ahh, the bsf2l trope that i can never escape) have been going to the same summer camp since the two of you were little kids. as soon as you’re old enough to be camp counselors well, that’s exactly what happens. except, that’s also exactly what causes your first fight, a silly, stupid fight over who could win best camp counselor of the summer by vote of the kids. think baking competition, skipping stones at the lake, fort making, folding paper planes, anything. (yes, i have succumbed to my other overused trope: e2l). and then...an angry, filled with pent up frustrations, pillow fight that has you toppling all over him and *accidentally* brushing your lips to his nose---the rest is self-explanatory.

__________

phew, that’s all i can do. i have exhausted all my brainpower and perhaps an hour of my time. i bolded the important stuff because i know it’s a lot, i’m a lot, i’m very extra. i also might be using some of these because sometimes...idk man...sometimes i’m an absolute genius. thank you to the terribly endearing anon that asked for this, you are loved (by me! hehe)

NANOWRIMO 2019 • WEEK FOUR

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WIP: heroes bleed red

THIS WEEK’S WORDCOUNT: 7’054 / 11’669

TOTAL WORDCOUNT: 58’242 / 50’000

•

read on under the cut for some excerpts and other fun stuff.

•

GENERAL RANT:

this week was like the exact opposite of week two. i had such a hard time and really hit that writing slump, hated everything about my story but still forced myself to write at least 500 words a day. i’m not sure if i’ll be able to use a single one of those in the end. i completely lacked the motivation to write this round up, which is why i’m only doing this now, on december 1st and i’m also really just counting that week four and not the last two days. i’ll post a total roundup of the whole month, too, as well as future plans, but i don’t know yet if i’m going to manage to do this today or only tomorrow. anyway, week four was positively shitty all around and thus the following excerpt won’t be great, but… have them anyway.

•

FIRST LINE BIT I WROTE THIS WEEK:

“Sorry,” Kaliope says, and decides to just once in her life fuck it and tell the truth. It’s not it can do much damage, right? She’s not interested in a friendship with Moe, after all, or even getting to know her any more closely than what is strictly necessary for the observation of her enemy. She’ll be keeping an eye on her, as much as possible, and nothing more. It doesn’t matter if Moe likes her or not, whether she thinks of her as a freak or not. Kaliope will not matter more to Moe than any other customer does. So. Truth it is, no matter how bitter it tastes going over her tongue, the regret and fear of rejection just things she doesn’t really feel.

-

yeah, kaliope, keep telling yourself that. so it runs out i’m really bad at writing consistent characterisations and not turning everything into an angst fest. also this is somewhat towards the end of my main characters’ first interaction as civilians, and it’s definitely one of those things that will drastically change in the second draft, if i ever make it that far.

 •

LAST LINE I WROTE THIS WEEK:

Amethyst likes these days, when she’s got enough brainpower and energy left to place these kinds of mind games, think about all the possible consequences to her actions. When she’s not just left playing catch up and trying not to die.

-

amethyst is moe’s hero identity, in case i’ve forgotten to mention this before. which i probably have, knowing me. it’s a bad line of an even worse scene and it’s most likely to get cut, heh

•

AN UNEXPECTED REVELATION THAT HAPPENED:

apparently both moe and kaliope are bad at making friends (or at least feel that way). so both their co-workers decide to friendship-match-make them. which is so not how i planned this whole thing to go, but oh well. now at least i get to write them texting and having moe be oblivious that kaliope is that annoying villain that she likes to complain to her about. identity porn is my jam, even though i feel like i’m really bad at writing it and also i’m giving out spoilers here like warm bread or however that saying goes. although i doubt that anyone is even reading this, or that i might ever get to the point where these things count as actual spoilers because i feel like i’m never going to be able to finish this. one of the reasons is the other “unexpected” revelation, with a lot of emphasis on unexpected, because by now i should really know myself better:

this story will not be done in 50k. is not done in 50k. i barely reached the middle of the first act now, although my outline is patchwork at best. which means that i think this story is going to be at least 175k, which would mean writing more than 1000 words every day until the end of february, sooo. gonna be playing the long game here. which means, in turn, that i’m probably going to be posting about this wip for a long time to come. if anyone wants to opt out of the tag list, feel free to do so, because i feel like my incoherent ramblings are not the most aesthetic things to read, or whatever. but also if you’d like to cheer me up, please do so. i need it ^^°

- the following excerpt is the second part of this match making thingy, happens very soon after the first lines of this week’s writing -

“What are you trying to do?” Moe asks then, and there’s so much suspicion in her voice that Kaliope can basically hear it dripping off of it. She did mention that Farren could get into strange moods, though, so maybe this is just one of their great ideas that Kaliope and Moe will have to wait out.

Maybe not, though, because Emerson suddenly clears their throat, moves down the bench to sit close at Kaliope’s side, and then they slip her own phone back into her hand. Kaliope startles, first, and then she glares. “Where did you get that? Why did you get that?” How didn’t I notice?, most importantly, because what kind of super villain is she if she doesn’t even notice her own phone getting stolen?

“You put it down on the table in front of you,” Emerson explains, calmly, as though this is something entirely rational. “I know you don’t have a code. I just put in Moe’s phone number, don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about— why the fuck would you do that?”

“You need more friends,” Emerson and Farren both say at the same time, because apparently Farren is trying to explain the same thing happening to Moe. It’s making Kaliope feel a little better, to be honest, that even the Great Hero Amethyst didn’t notice that her phone got stolen, that as an actual hero she should be able to prevent that kind of thing, let alone let it happen to herself.

“And Moe is the perfect choice, seriously. You don’t have to do anything but come here a few times a week and let her talk to you during her break.”

“What in all hells? Why are you trying to take our lives in your hands like that? We’re actual grown adults—”

“—and certainly older and more mature than you, Farren,” Moe puts in, and—

“—and certainly older and more mature than you,” Kaliope repeats, “and we don’t need you to friend-match-make us.”

“We were getting there on our own,” Moe puts in, and—

“We were getting there on our own,” Kaliope repeats. “Wait, what? No, we were not!”

“See?” Farren says, probably to Emerson, considering their conversational tone of voice. “I told you they wouldn’t get around to it by themselves. We did a good thing, there, and you don’t have to feel guilty.”

“Oh no,” Kaliope says, “you have to feel very guilty. Keep on right doing that. I’m done with you, you little traitor.” And Kaliope doesn’t even know herself if she’s joking or not, because she does mean it, a little, and at the same time she doesn’t, there’s just— something that she feels, something curling low in her belly and squeezing tight around her chest, something she doesn’t have a name for, something she doesn’t want to find a name for.

It’s an unfamiliar kind of feeling, and she doesn’t particularly like it, wouldn’t want to have it repeated.

•

RANDOM CHARACTER FACTS I DIDN’T KNOW BEFORE:

there are way too many side characters that suddenly got way too much screen time and importance to the whole story. and it seems like i can’t stop making new ones.

there’s the owner of the garage where moe has her second job at, for example. he turned out to be lenny’s grandfather (lenny is one of moe’s best friends from her high school time and it was basically their death that triggered her whole “i’m going to be a superhero now” thing and yeah. it’s probably time i make some proper character introductions. maybe that’ll help me get my motivation back.) and that’s big. also he apparently knows that moe is the hero amethyst? although i’m pretty sure that i mentioned in one of the first scenes that absolutely no one knows about her being amethyst. seriously, this is going to take so so much work to edit.

but yeah, another new character is the wind, apparently, and that’s going to change so much? but also make a lot of the things make more sense?

also there are like four cops or “hero liaisons” as i call them for some reason, and somehow they get to have a lot of impact as well??

look, i have zero control over anything in this story, i’m just glad to get any words out at all and maybe do some world building and character development while i’m at it.

•

SOME LINES THAT I ACTUALLY LIKE, SOMEWHAT:

Moe doesn’t know if she’ll be able to sleep now. […].

She wants to. She wants to get to. No Amethyst, not today.

(And yet, she turns on the radio, puts it on her nightstand, lets the static trickle on and hopes it won’t get interrupted, won’t turn into voices asking for backup to go up against a villain.)

(And yet, she puts her suit on the free space next to the radio, ready to be slipped into at a moment’s notice.)

(And yet, she’ll be ready to leave at that same moment’s notice, no matter the time of day or night.)

•

and that was the last roundup! i’m kinda glad it’s over, save for the total roundup now, because i’m really bad at picking out interesting stuff and not rambling too much and actually stick to a posting schedule and everything else, basically. i hope that at least some of you liked these posts, but well, even if you didn’t, it still helped me reflect on the week and see that i actually managed to get some things done, and yeah, not everything is bad and a lot of it is fixable. much more fixable than an empty page would be, at least, so! and i won nano early, that’s worth something, right?

The storm has subsided (mostly)

I guess it’s like a pendulum. It goes from one extreme to the other, oscillating with all that energy being saved up and used between swings, whizzing by its equilibrium position, giving me whiplash as I try to keep up and get my head on straight. But eventually, the momentum, which is thankfully not conserved, slows it down and it stops.

Basically, when I’m coming out of a period of what I call “I just lost my goddamn mind,” it becomes more spread out. Less intense, I guess, although yesterday’s random panic attack was pretty insane. But today has been fine, and tomorrow might be a little iffy, but then the next day will most likely be fine. And so on.

That’s exhausting in its own right because I’ve said a billion times that I’d rather just feel shitty than feel shitty with periods of feeling okay. I don’t like being teased like that.  Unfortunately, I don’t have control over how it works (ugh).

I don’t think I have to explain that in the darkest depths of my depressions, I physically cannot find any good, any meaning, any safe thought to rest on. “Just being positive” is not an option because my thoughts are spinning painfully fast and I am totally unable to fathom how I’ve every functioned and how I’ll ever be able to function again. It’s all-consuming, omnipresent dread.

(Sidenote: someone literally tried to pull the whole “just be positive” bullshit on me the other day, and then proceeded to tell me about people who have it worse than I do but still have better attitudes than me…needless to say, I was not very happy…I didn’t even bother to explain how utterly wrong she was because why waste the little energy I somehow still had?)

Howeverrrrr, now that I don’t feel like death warmed over, I’m using the time to do what I always fucking do and value the semi-calm and pretend there’s meaning in this bullshit (okay, I’m still a bit negative, but go with me here). I’ve done this countless times before, but hey, why not do it again? Maybe thinking this way and preparing for the eventual and inevitable next-time will finally be of use. Fingers crossed. Anyway, here’s a list.

How to survive the bad days

1. Just don’t

Don’t bother. Don’t try. Don’t waste precious energy. It can wait. It will have to wait. It has no choice but to wait. I’m not talking about literally everything by saying this. Obviously there are some responsibilities we can’t totally hide from. But don’t add shit to your to-do list that you don’t have to. Cut out literally everything you can cut out. Another way to phrase this might be “get your priorities straight.” And, my main point, I guess, is to not beat yourself up about not. Survival mode is difficult enough. Give yourself credit.

2. Maintain your body one thing at a time

There are things human beings hafta do to like, be human beings. We need to take care of ourselves. Use the car analogy or whatever, cars require maintenance, bodies do too. There’s lots to do though, and right now you don’t wanna do any of them. So maybe choose one thing and then feel good that you’ve done that thing and then stop trying to do more things because #depressionisexhausting amirite? Choose from the following: wash your face, brush your teeth, have a glass of water, stretch your body, take a shower, change your clothes, open a window and get some fresh air, eat something with some sort of nutritional value

3. Ask for help

Why face the monsters from the hell that is your brain alone? You literally don’t have to. People love you, they’re there to support you (it’s true; your depression and anxiety are lying to you, those worthless motherfuckers). I might be guilty of asking too many people for help (usually), which is bad because there’s so much input coming in, not all of it valuable or helpful, and it’s overwhelming (and I’m already overwhelmed). This round I kinda just kept to myself and didn’t answer any texts or messages because I had no brainpower to figure out how to describe this bs yet again, let alone figure out how to put words together). But when I finally thought to call one person, it was actually helpful. And I dunno, they say talking helps in general? So yeah.

4. If you can do it, do it

If you can open your Pinterest app and find an inspirational quote, do it. If you can summon the will to put a single dish from the sink into the dishwasher, do it. If you can try to quiet your mind, try to breathe deeply in spite of the anguish, do it. If you can’t, refer to point #1 and don’t. You’ll be able to at one point or another, so just wait it out. I think giving up and not doing shit you can actually do makes things worse, though (duh).

5. Be miserable all around the house

I assume you’ve been laying in bed all day. Maybe you’re crying or maybe you’re totally catatonic. Whatever the case may be, try to be miserable somewhere else. Sit on your couch and cry or stare blankly into space. Sit on the floor and curl into a ball there as opposed to on a comfier surface. Feel the pain in the kitchen. Drag yourself to the bathroom and feel the weight of the world there, instead. I think not staying in one place helps trigger some sort of something good in our brains. Might be totally wrong. But maybe you’ll be less bored (on top of your crippling depression).

6. Go to sleep then be awake, repeat

I basically slept whenever I could this episode. It started with insomnia, of course (hypomania always starts with that and violent irritability, both of which are just…so unpleasant). But when I got sick enough of that I’d take Benadryl and shit to knock myself out. Dunno if that was wise, please don’t take my idiotic advice without talking to your doc. But sleeping/ not being conscious while I waited it out? Sounded good to me. Buttttt I think next time (ughhhhh next time) I’ll try to be awake when I’m awake. Not saying I’m not gonna sleep my days away. God knows I can’t make that promise. But like. There’s a certain something about being an awake and alert entity that seems helpful.

Right

Has this been helpful? Probably not to read, but it’s been helpful to write. Am I going to remember these “tips” when major depression crashes into me like the meteor that caused the ice age? Probably not. Why did I write this then? Eh, why not.

The Rest of the “What If?“ Questions:

I’ve had a huge influx of “what if” alternate scenario type asks the last 2 days, and I’m not sure if they’re all from the same person or several people. I really do appreciate the interest in getting my take on this stuff! But to avoid spamming the dashboard more with all these answers I’m just going to put the rest of them into one ask here:

FEM!LIGHT’S STANCE ON WOMEN:

I think she would both resent being a woman and also still look down on other women, but still be extremely confident and sure of herself on the inside. She’d probably have some internalized misogyny and still view men as superior and wish to compete with them more than with women, but she’d also resent men for being valued more highly within the patriarchal culture she was raised within, so it would be a bit of a complicated mix. She’d probably still grow up idolizing Soichiro instead of her mother, because even though Sachiko is no doubt also smart and talented she is submissive and seemingly content with carrying out her supportive, servile domestic role as a mother and a housewife. Light would probably dream of far more ambitious things for her own future with the idealistic and egotistical personality she has and all the accolades she’s gotten in her academic and athletic and social pursuits. I also think she’d be a lesbian, but that it would only really awaken in her once she met L, who would also be female in this AU, and the first woman she found genuinely fascinating and truly “worthy” of respect.

HOW L WOULD CONVICT A MEMORYLESS LIGHT:

I’m not really sure. I guess L would have to get irrefutable physical evidence that proved Light had been Kira originally. Even if Light denied it the entire time he obviously could still be condemned as Kira if the evidence against him was strong enough. I think proving some of the rules fake would’ve brought L a lot closer to proving Light was guilty, but I’m a bit too lazy right now to try to think this AU scenario out the whole way through from beginning to end. It takes a lot of mental energy and revisiting of the source material to do so entirely accurately, so I definitely very much admire Ohba for keeping the canon plot so free of holes. There are always so many technical little things and different characters’ points of view to keep in mind!

IF THE DEATH NOTE WAS A “LIFE NOTE” INSTEAD:

Lol, I mean I guess a Life Note would probably revive people who had already died, or something like that? That could also cause a lot of worldwide havoc, though I’m not sure it would technically be a crime to bring people back from the dead! I wonder how Light would use something like that to achieve his New World… revive all the innocent victims who had been unjustly murdered by evil criminals or something? Lol I don’t really know, my brainpower is pretty zapped for thinking these things out right now…

However, this does remind me a bit of the “Death Eraser” that was included in the original Death Note pilot chapter! Ohba initially toyed with the idea of having an eraser that went along with the notebook which would bring the Death Note victims back to life. You can find that pilot chapter online with a little Googling if you’re curious about it. I’m so glad they decided to scrap that silly idea for the actual official series, haha.

HOW INNOCENT!LIGHT WOULD REACT TO MISA TELLING HIM HE IS KIRA:

@whiteroes1977 I think he would be both horrified and also know that it made sense, since he was already thinking that Kira’s ideals and methods lined up pretty closely with his own. He also thought that he would probably try to catch himself if he’d lost his Kira memories. It would definitely be a big internal struggle between Light’s desire to see himself as a good/innocent person who operates within the Law and his ego/ideals/belief that he was the only person who could truly bring about the new world he envisioned from the start. I’d love to see him have to make a big moral choice about becoming Kira again like that when he was still amnesia!Light, since he really didn’t know he was going to regain his Kira memories when he touched the Death Note in the helicopter at all.

IF SACHIKO PICKED UP THE DEATH NOTE:

Hahaha hmmm… I like to think that Sachiko is where Light gets most of his brains and also his more mysterious and sneaky side! There isn’t much to go by in canon about Sachiko’s character other than her role as a supportive and hardworking mom and housewife, but it would be very interesting if she decided to do something with a Death Note that would go totally against what everyone expects from her somehow. Maybe she’d also have a strong vigilante streak based on the frustrations she felt about Soichiro’s career; or maybe she would do something totally for herself with it and way outside of the box, and end up carrying on with this secret life that was both a guilty thrill and an escape from her humdrum duties in the home. It’s a bit hard to say without fleshing out her character a lot more than Ohba did in canon though, and I’m not really feeling up to doing that right now, sorry.

WHAT IF RYUK HAD KILLED EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WAREHOUSE INSTEAD?:

I think that Light would have been very happy if Ryuk did that, and he’d have continued right on with his plans to become the God of the New World. The SPK and task force was pretty much the only thing standing in the way of him achieving this goal at this point, so he’d just see it as serving them right for defying him like that. I don’t know the exact specifics of how he would achieve actual godhood, like if he would choose to make himself a public figure as Kira or just continue to work behind the scenes forevermore? I’ve always wanted to read a really detailed and realistic AU about Light actually winning and the crazy ways the world would change, but I haven’t managed to think it out myself to any satisfying degree yet. I definitely don’t imagine it would be the idealized world he imagined though, as even if crime was completely eliminated it would be a totalitarian dictatorship under which everyone was living in constant fear and feeling very oppressed.

HOW LIGHT WOULD REACT TO MALE!MISA:

Male!Misa could be pretty interesting too, with both canon Light and fem!Light. I imagine it would still be very off-putting to Light for a guy to show up at their house and come onto them that strongly, no matter how you headcanon Light’s gender or sexuality. I guess Light wouldn’t automatically look down on male!Misa for his gender, so that might be a small advantage that male!Misa would have over female Misa. But it could also potentially work against male!Misa since Light would probably expect more from guys and find that kind of behaviour from a man extra unsettling. What i find the most interesting to think about with male!Misa is how the fandom’s reaction to the character might differ, honestly. I think male!Misa would both have way more stans and also way harsher criticism piled upon him, maybe? I think he’d be shipped a ton with the male characters as well. Certain flaws and behaviours would be treated with way more lenience and forgiveness, and then other ones would be pointed out much more harshly, as well. It’s always pretty interesting to contemplate this stuff, but unfortunately I’m a bit too tired to add a whole lot of detailed insight on the topic at this point.

Matchup

Hi! I’m a 5'6" girl who doesn’t mind either gender and is a bit of a mosh pit of everything. I seem more motherly to others and don’t take care of myself much but am a ball of energy. I’ll do anything to make someone I care about smile and I’m a bit of a cuddle bug. I’m a giant nerd who loves marvel and JRPGs and will listen to any type of music! I love puzzles of any kind or just anything that challenges my mind and I draw a lot. I have a bad habit of holding emotions in and never sharing them but I do draw them out on paper to vent. I overthink about a lot and stress myself out though. Hopefully that was enough haha.

I just wanted to say that i’ve seen you like a lot of the stuff I post and I just want to say tysm despite this blog sorta being dead lkjslfhsdjlshd

And your match is...

Shuichi Saihara!!!

You and Shuichi complement each other quite well. Your motherly personality might be beneficial for someone like Shuichi, who is very shy and lacks self-confidence. For him to thrive, he needs a reaffirming presence, someone who supports and believes in him, so a motherly figure like yourself would prove to be quite good for him. He is also one to get depressed, so your habit of making others smile would definitely have a positive impact on him. You also complement each other in terms of your energy levels, whereas you are very energetic, Shuichi is very calm and quiet. In this case Shuichi could help you to not get carried away by your energy while you could help Shuichi with being more proactive and loosening up. You and Shuichi both enjoy stimulating your minds, most commonly through things like puzzles, or in Shuichi’s case detective work. Not only could you bond through this, but this also proves that you are intellectually compatible as well. Because Shuichi is very observant and perceptive, I'd think he’d be able to pick up on small signs that are indicative of when you are repressing your emotions, as well as when you are stressed (even if he shares being an overthinker with you), which could probe you to express your feelings to him, but even if it doesn’t, Shuichi would know whether to comfort you or not, albeit through more subtle ways. He could also come to notice whether you are neglecting your needs or not, and remind you to take care of yourself. Most likely, considering how analytical and smart he is, he’d even come to know what emotions your drawings are expressing. Overall, you due to your contrasts but also your similarities, you two would come to forge a deep bond and grow as people.

Headcannons:

Can I just say, most analytical, inquisitive couple ever, srsly you two combined possess like 110% brainpower

At first glance, people don’t really get how you guys get along, Shuichi being so calm and you so energetic, but at the same time you seem to have this mutual understanding that people envy

Many of your interactions are you talking about all different kinds of stuff while Shuichi calmly listens to you and adds in a comment or two, but despite that, you guys manage to work so well together

Shuichi is NOT PREPARED for those cuddles, he’ll become a blushing and stuttering mess that only makes him more adorable and cuddly in your eyes, it’s a never-ending cycle

Bro, you know that Shuichi would love JRPG’s as well, one moment he knows nothing about them, next thing you know he’ll be lining up outside the game store during the midnight releases 

Two words: PUZZLE NIGHTS

Srsly, many of your dates would be comprised of you guys putting together puzzles

Other date ideas: reading novels together, escape rooms, watching mystery films/psychological thrillers, or just chatting up the hours away

Overtime with your help and support, Shuichi would become much more confident and sure of himself, and he is forever grateful for that

Seriously, you are very inspiring to him. He admires how you manage to cheer others up, it’s an ability he himself wishes he had.

He thinks you are such a good person, always taking care of others and making others smile

He feels a bit bad that sometimes you have to comfort him but you yourself overlook your own needs at times, so he is always reminding you how you need to take care of yourself, as you are already doing much for others

The only way Shuichi feels he can really show his gratitude towards you is by helping you with your own problems. For that he is always paying attention if you are showing signs of emotional distress

He might not approach you head-on about your problems, but, for example, if he notices you are anxious, you’ll notice him become much softer and tender with you, and if you are feeling stressed, he’ll get you some of your favorite foods, drinks, etc.

He buys you different art materials for your drawings, that be either for you to draw whatever you like or for you to express your feelings

He’s generally a very thoughtful and doting boyfriend who tries to care of most of your needs

sorry I might’ve gotten INspired

Other matches: Ouma Kokichi, Mahiru Koizumi, Hajime Hinata, Chiaki Nanami

Hope you enjoyed the matchup! If you feel like you weren’t portrayed correctly/I misinterpreted your information let me know and I’ll make the corrections!

If you are an overthinker, you can list 100 reasons as to why overthinking is bad. People don’t understand that nobody hates overthinking, more than overthinkers. The interesting bit to me about all habits is this. : You wouldn’t continue a bad habit unless there was SOMETHING good about it. Don’t get me wrong there are bad things about bad habits too. That’s why they’re called, you know, bad habits. There is a measure of joy or benefit to them as well. Perhaps this is the key to understanding overthinking better. Since I would say I’m a rapid overthinker, I’ve asked this question multiple times. I have some things on mind which may be helpful if you are trying to find out the answer to that question. If there is something positive about overthinking, what could it be? I’ve got a couple of ideas that I think might be helpful. We’ll go through them, see if our minds are a bit more familiar about why we overthink… Why Do We Overthink? We can usually know why something is bad or good if we can ask ourselves why and see if our answers hold up. So why do we overthink? I think it would be safe to say all thinking, over, under or in between starts with the human mind. Human minds control human beings and human beings, in turn, control the planet. That is because we are very good at predicting and imaging problems in our heads and coming up with solutions. We have a sense of imagination and the problem-solving capacity to deal with them. This also lets us create things out of our wild imagination like cities and all the stuff you see! This the positive effects of the hyperactive and imaginative human brain. There’s also a downside. That’s constantly worrying about what happens to the streets if there’s a storm. People discussing what will happen if our economy collapse, your boss not being sure of the company surviving throughout the year and billion other things that DON’T HAPPEN. Now the reason that they DON’T HAPPEN IS BECAUSE WE WORRY ABOUT THEM. We worry about them and take steps to stop them from happening. Sometimes we do amazing, sometimes terrible and other times in-between. These are all in the power of the human brain. We’re also great at judging our technology and civilization and systems and improving them. This is also a result of the human brain just being a judgmental monster and taking everything apart. After being a harsh critic, we improve on our technology and do better. This is why you get new cellphones every year, advances in modern medicine, economy and millions of other fields. In a sense, the human species seems to overthinks the more we go forward and that just brings better results for all of us. So what’s going on here exactly? Why Do we overthink rather than, you know, just think? We listed reasons as to how overthinking seems amazing to us as a whole, so why does it hurt so much for a singular person? You’ve probably heard the phrase “a burden shared is a burden halved”. The same principle applies here. If you start thinking and predicting and solving and worrying about everything that can go wrong for the human race, you will likely go insane. Here is a piece of extra bad news too. If we take the same approach to everything about our individual lives we will also go insane because there’s just too much to think about and figure out. So, by this point, you know why it can be bad to overthink stuff despite not meaning bad. We usually survive to overthink as a crowd and people not a single person. So why do some people overthink and some don’t? what is the reason some people have an overthinking fuel engine that runs 24/7 and some don’t? We don’t know for sure but here is a list that might cover some areas: A- Neurotic People… So what do we mean by neurotic people? Well, you can read more about it here but generally speaking, we mean people who are stressed and nervous about the future. The type of person who also suffers greatly after what they consider as a failure and takes it very horribly. Why do this type of people overthink? Well, they can’t help but not to. According to research, it is a part of who you are. Getting stressed in the face of actual danger was actually a very useful thing back when we lived in jungles and caves. IF you were attacked by a lion and got nervous and enjoyed a boost of adrenaline so you could escape. While it’s very nice that we don’t have to run away from lions daily, it’s not possible to switch it off. It’s simply something that is wired into us we don’t get that much of a control over it. Highly Neurotic people, less so too. Remember that we are all neurotic just with different degrees. When you have an upcoming exam and people you know start getting stressed at different points of time, that’s their neuroticism kicking in at different stages. Someone starts preparing and stressed a week before, others the night before. That’s just the different degrees of neuroticism showing themselves in different degrees and in different ways. B- You have a hyperactive mental metabolism What that means is you think things very very fast. Think of it like thinking speed. If you think 200 thoughts in three hours when your friend can only think 100, you are likely to overthink more. You could rephrase it as being smarter. I can’t tell you for sure what do I mean by smart though so up to you. The point is that if your brain functions fast and high, you may get addicted to thinking more thoughts. What is the best source to think more thoughts? the future, your social interactions, who you are and a million other things about you. the end result is that you overthink. C- Summing Up Reasons & honorary Mentions There could be other reasons as to why people overthink. Sometimes it could be the result of trauma and people being scared of what might happen. It could be because you have very little to do besides thinking about things which is great. That means you just have to get busy. So regardless of the type of people who overthink, it has this going for it: It is a reaction and a tool that we have to imagine and break down scenarios that might go wrong or right. The more you do this, the more of an overthinker, you are! Even though it can be torturous, at the core of overthinking, there is a problem-solving and improving engine in your head that is just running extra and consuming a lot of energy. It’s trying to break down everything and predict and imagine it and learn from it and do it better to an almost perfect condition. Overthinking is like a naive idealistic person who is striving for perfection and doesn’t know where to stop. What’s the dark side if we overthink? I just said a bunch of positive stuff, right? well, just because you mean well when doing something, it doesn’t mean you’ will actually do something good. When you overthink, your brain may be trying to protect you from embarrassment. Maybe your brain is trying to help you not get hurt. When do you overthink and why? Perhaps you’re thinking how to not say what you mean so you don’t hurt that friend of yours. Maybe the voice in your head is trying to be overtly-criticizing you so you don’t mess up. We could write a billion other reasons for why your overthinking means well. I just explained that it does too but that doesn’t mean the end result is something good. Well, if when you overthink and your brain means good, why is it bad? you see overthinking means thinking more than it’s necessary. same goes for over-eating, over-drinking and so on Am I saying you should stop caring about what you say or how you act? no not at all! You just don’t want to be consumed by the thoughts day and night. You want to free up some space for other more healthy activities. If we dedicate all our brain and thinking power to reviewing all of them and imagining all the things that can go wrong, there are a lot of bad things that can happen in just one scenario. That’s just how things are. How the Gears Start Kicking Let’s think about this with a simple example: A job interview goes right in one way and wrong in one way only. It seems pretty simple. The Problem is there are 20 ways that it can lead to the right result and 20 different ways where it can go to the wrong result. This is where your overthinking brain kicks in, processing all those ways and start worrying about them. If you think about all the 40 ways of a basic thing that can go right and wrong, eventually one of them will happen in real life. That means you just spent a lot of brainpower thinking and imaging 39 ways that didn’t turn out to be true. I don’t know about you, but that seems like a lot of wasteful thinking to me as good or useful as it CAN be. Clearly, this is a positive system that wastes too much energy and emotional investment for things that won’t happen. and out of your imagination so we need to filter them out somehow. not get rid of but filter them. What we should then? well, it must be clear to you by now that you are like a driver that’s stuck with this hyperactive engine gear that kicks in and you can’t get out of the car. What can you do then? Maybe we can learn some tricks to drive it somewhere. What Do We About it? We will discuss the topic of “problem-solving” later on in a separate post because it’s a very extensive topic. However, there are a few basic tips we can have to make overthinking work more for us rather than against us. The approach that we take is to use methods that cancel the problem of overthinking by taking away the power of numbers and thoughts. Increase the quality of thoughts. Fewer and better thoughts. Simply Know that you overthink This might seem simple but it can be really helpful. They say the first step to getting rid of a habit is knowing that you HAVE the habit. It’s highly unlikely that you can get rid of overthinking just because you know about it. However, the solution that I’m presenting to you is this: when you are taken over by endless negative thoughts about what could happen or might have happened, simply take a moment, remind yourself that you have a habit of overthinking. This can momentarily stop your brain from going too fast and get you to see things more clearly. We really should stop thinking sometimes. While many of your negative or even positive thoughts have a good reason behind them to you, you don’t usually get quality when you go for quantity. If you are thinking about 30 ways about how things can go wrong or right, you’re losing quality and accuracy in your prediction and getting emotionally charged. Probably what you’re thinking is irrational and emotional and not helpful. Simply remind yourself that it’s ok and you have a habit to overthink and cherrypick one or two possibilities that seems more realistic and believable. Writing Usually Helps If you find your mind still wondering, it’s a good idea to get a notebook or a paper and try writing your problems down. There are many ways that you can do this. Some people prefer to vent out their feelings by writing them out with no filter or holding back. That’s a great approach especially if you feel like no one can really understand why you overthink. Another approach is you clarify the problem and come up with plans of action. You can start by asking yourself different types of questions about the problem. Let’s say you are worried about an upcoming exam. Start asking yourself why are you stressed about it? what happens if you do great, what happens if you do terribly? Why is it more stressful than other exams and so on.. If you ask yourself proper and helpful questions and explain yourself properly, actually reading your own solution gives you a sense of energy and purpose and it’s better than keeping all the worries in your head and you’ll have a plan of action. It will really help you move forward. It will also increase the quality of your thinking and decrease the quantity which as we mentioned, is key to beat overthinking. Mindfulness (Meditation) The most basic and practical solution is the art of mindfulness. What mindfulness does is, it allows you control and lets you observe your thought process in a way that you are aware of your feelings and thoughts and have a better control over them. This also increases thinking quality as well. If you think about our driving metaphor, this will help you control the overthinking engine and become a better driver at it. Gaining an understanding with calm and peace emotions about WHY you overthink is a vital aspect of mastering your mind. Since I’m a rapid overthinker I found the waking up app to be a wonderful help. You can check out the website and make sure to read the F.A.Q section. It’s a brilliant app and if you can’t afford to pay for the subscription, you can e-mail them and you will get a free account no charge. If that doesn’t sell you on people behind the app meaning to actually help you, I don’t know what will. Seek Help People will tell you to be positive and think about the better aspects of your thinking. That’s true but it’s certainly not something that people know how to do on their own. For this very reason, it’s way better if you find yourself overthinking all the time, try to go to a therapist to help you make sense of why and help you create a plan. Conclusion It is no fun to overthink things. As I have tried to explain here, your brain usually means good by overthinking. It may not feel like this most of the time, but it does. It’s just that if you give the brain lots of time and imaginative horrible and great things that can happen, you’re giving your overthinking engine endless fuel. If we can recognize this double-edged sword of our mind and learn to master it, we can do quite better and smarter when it comes to problems. We can focus on better problems too.

Ey ey ey I know you are closing requests soon but please make a part two other jeno scenario where it is okay for friends to kiss. I JUET WANNA DIE IN PEACE KNWOING THAT THE STORY ENDED JUST THE WAY I WANTED IT TO. UHUHUHU LIVE YOU SO MUCH

two of a kind;

lee jeno | stubbornness was one of his best traits. robot!au. | 4.8k words. | angst, romance. continuation of for real love.

a/n: honestly, i was so excited and overwhelmed (with love!) by all the requests for part two. i hope this is a satisfying ending

It has been a month since you’d been alone with Jeno.

You honestly tried to play off your reasons for heading home before the rest of the boys as just your way of catching up on more sleep, what with the unveiling of D.R.E.A.M. coming up in only a couple weeks’ time. It seemed plausible, confusing yes, but plausible the first few times it happened. However, it had become apparent there was more to it when you had asked Taeil to perform Jeno’s next checkup. You had put it off so long they’d thought you’d forgotten, and by then suspicions were already bubbling.

Doyoung was the first to talk, “Okay, what the hell is going on with you?”

You look up from behind Jisung’s back where you’re fiddling with wires here and there, hiding behind the tall frame of the robot and the rest of the boys in the lab. You have a screwdriver in your mouth and a handful of thingamajigs balled up in one of your hands, so when you finally speak, you’re very confused, “Excuse me?”

The handle of your screwdriver is covered in a little saliva that you quickly wipe off on your lab coat, eyes narrowing behind the lenses of your glasses at the second caretaker of your rag tag group of engineers and scientists. Doyoung had always been level-headed like Taeyong, but unlike Taeyong, he spoke when he wanted to and with little to no remorse. If he had concerns, he had no fears about nagging. After all, you all would lose your way quite often if it wasn’t for him (as he so liked to remind, by the way).

You peek around Jisung just to see that all eyes are on you, including the gazes of the other D.R.E.A.M. bots (who you’d all begun to affectionately call “the Dreamies”) that you were newly accustoming to. Even Jisung himself turns to look at you over his shoulder, eyebrow raised in silent judging. You give him a glare in return.

“You know what I just said,” Doyoung huffs, leaning back on his hands on top of one of the desks. His legs kick out from underneath him, a wary looking Taeyong sitting nearby him at the same desk with a fixed look a little more concerned than stern like Doyoung’s, “You and Jeno have been acting weird.”

Your eyes unconsciously dart across the room to Jeno perched in his window seat as always and find that he’s now looking dead at you, though there’s no expression he chooses to show. Not even a bit of confusion to get the attention off you, huh? You surely didn’t raise him that way.

You close the planes on Jisung’s back with a whirring finish, releasing the items in your hands to deposit them on your desk. You look Doyoung in the eye with only a slightly wavering stare, “We have not.”

“Uh, yeah you have.” Johnny cuts in from nearby you, settled in on top of his own desk with legs folded underneath himself. What was it the lot of you and not using your desk chairs? “You never ask anyone else to do Jeno’s checkup, not even when you’re busy. You don’t even let Jeno do Jeno’s checkups and yet, nothing’s wrong?”

“I’m just trying to get the boys ready,” you motion to the Dreamies who sit around the lab; some are reading, some are listening to music, and some are just purely amused by the conversation being had. Most of them had since been outfitted with faces of their own, voices of their own, and personalities that developed with every day spent around them, so it was no surprise that you could feel at least three of them smirking at your back right now, “Besides, I can’t possibly be possessive of Jeno all the time… you guys helped make him too.”

Yukhei snorts, somewhere on the floor with a cup of instant ramen to the right of him and his third energy drink of the day to the left of him, “Yeah, but he likes you the most. That’s why he pretty much ignores us when you’re in the room… except, up until a month ago, that is.”

You feel your skin getting hot with accusations and stares, desperately wanting the conversation to end early. You could feel a thousand scoldings and a thousand more teases that would never quite find their end in your lifetime starting to declare that they would be here to stay. You must look funny to the rest of them; fists clenched, cheeks slightly chubby with how hard you’re pressing your lips together in lieu of saying anything that might get you found out, and quite the wrinkle in between your eyebrows.

“Do you think the company will want a robot who doesn’t want to leave its creator?” Jeno speaks up for the first time that day, eyes no longer boring into you but Yukhei instead. The boy on the floor’s eyes grow wide at the sudden attention and fidgets against his will.

The room falls silent at this and even Doyoung seems to shrink back in thought (not submission, never). You’re suddenly thankful for Jeno’s lack of emotion; he may not have feigned ignorance, but he sure was logical.

“He does have a point… for a hunk of metal.” The sudden foreign voice in the room makes all of you tense immediately, all eyes on the double doors that allow entrance into your lab. In comes a string of men that you all know to be puppets of the CEO of SM. The one who spoke stands before them all, an average looking man with cleanly gelled hair and a bespoke suit that might have actually made him look less sleazy if he wasn’t smirking at you all with a predatory survey of the room.

Yuta speaks up first, mouth always faster than his brain, “That’s 15 billion won you’re calling a hunk of metal.”

The sleazy man just laughs, “Oh, sorry. He has a point for an expensive hunk of metal.”

You feel your anger from before come back tenfold, instinctively moving from your desk toward the center of the room. Johnny joins you, followed by Sicheng, and then Taeyong, until all of them are poised in a defensive stance blocking the newest Dreamies from view. The sleazy guy looks over all of you before his eyes land on you, that same infuriating smirk still present. “Hard at work, are you? You know the showcase is in a few days, don’t you? I’m seeing a lot of lounging around and not working until you drop.”

You scoff, “We take breaks, you know. Brainpower takes a lot of work… but I guess you wouldn’t know.”

You can hear Taeyong whisper something scolding under his breath, trying to push himself in between you and the man, but the man simply holds up a hand to Taeyong’s chest and the leader of NEO has to stop if he doesn’t want this to escalate. You hold your ground to not worry him, but as the sleazy guy gets closer, you start to wonder if you should have just eaten your words.

“You all have quite the mouths,” the man sneers, shoving Taeyong back all of a sudden. The leader stumbles back a bit and you don’t even get a chance to check on him before the man is suddenly too close. He’s breathing your air now, face growing closer with the seconds that pass, “should I mention this to Mr. Lee? I’m sure he’d love to hear how his precious team NEO is putting his company on the line to slack.”

Your mouth drops open in awe at the audacity of the man, “Really? Running to teacher to tattle so that you can get a gold star, are you?”

The man falters a bit. A growl follows soon after, his hand moving just the slightest inch from his side in the direction of you. It doesn’t get very far.

The man’s face quickly contorts into an expression of pain and you all watch in silent shock as he’s shoved to the floor by a foot to his back and his arm yanked painfully behind his back. The squad the man had brought in can only watch, unsure whether to even step in to save their leader. There, Jeno stands above him, heel of his foot digging into the man’s back and making him cry out pathetically, “What are you- let go!”

Jeno stays stoic, “Do you really want to try that again?”

The man under his foot snarls and tries to use his other hand to hit at Jeno, a fruitless action when it would take more than a slap to move heavy steel like Jeno’s. “Get off me! Get off me or I’ll have you  put in a junkyard! Your masters won’t be able to save you!”

Jeno rolls his eyes, a habit you had tried to get him to unlearn from you. Now, you can’t really scold him for it.

Surprisingly, he looks at you.

His gaze is heavy, lips pursed tight. “Master,” he says it more mockingly toward the man he’s currently apprehending than to be malicious toward you in any way, “what shall I do with him?”

You stare, open-mouthed, unsure what you should do yourself. You know if Jeno takes this any farther, that junkyard really wouldn’t be very far away (though fight as you might to try and keep that from happening). Yet, at the same time, you can’t find the situation getting any better if he’s let up either. It was far too late for Jeno to be asking you what to do. You would have rather been hit than let Jeno put himself at risk this way.

“Let him up, please.” You say softly, watching Jeno’s tense facade fade for just a second. Quickly, the boy releases the man and steps toward you, standing in front of you this time. You hadn’t been this close to Jeno in a month and your mind was feeling fuzzy all of a sudden at the proximity.

When the man gets up, he furiously brushes off his suit jacket and looks terribly annoyed… but he doesn’t get any closer to you with Jeno guarding.

“You seem to have forgotten to remind these bots of yours about their place in this world. They are weapons, submissive to us. They are loyal to no one below their superiors.”

“They’re intelligent creations,” Jaehyun says from nearby you, “they aren’t toys and they sure as hell aren’t weapons. That’s not what we agreed to make.”

The man chuckles, “You know that’s what they all are in the end, don’t you? Weapons to be had. It starts with them; cute, unassuming, helpful little bots… and then there’s more and more released into the world, all over the world. That’s what this project is all about, don’t you know? This showcase is just the beginning. You, my friends, are the pioneers of future warfare. After all, SM is always one step ahead.”

You instinctively grip Jeno’s arm, steeling yourself behind him with a firm glare directed right at the man, “Over our dead fucking bodies.”

The man laughs loud, grabbing at his stomach as if he can’t control his mirth. “Keep telling yourself that,” the man finally catches a bit of breath to say, “it just might come true.”

The threat leaves the blood in all of your veins cold and Jeno immediately bucks up again, moving that much closer to the man and forcing him back out of fear. Still, the man persists to unsettle all of you, “Seems like your bot here is faulty… you have twenty-four hours to dispose of him or NEO will be dissolved and all of D.R.E.A.M. will be in our possession from then on.”

Your heart stops, “No…”

Doyoung is quick to argue, “Lee Soo-man ordered seven bots. Seven. One less and he won’t be happy, I don’t care how much power you think you hold.” “Oh, but I am so convincing. If Mr. Lee hears that one of your bots roughed up one of his beloved employees, what is he to think of the rest of the lot? What is he to think of you? Guess you’d have to prove you’re more loyal to the company somehow… think about it. Don’t take too long, though. I’ll have someone to check for your decision when those twenty-four hours are up.”

The men leave, taking the peace that had once filled the area with them.

“You’re so reckless.” You growl, tugging Jeno’s shirt up before he gets a chance to remove it for you. Quickly discarding the white fabric to the side, you press your hand harder to his chest than probably needed and watch it open to reveal the machinery beneath. “Honestly, if you had- if you had just stayed back-”

“You made me.” Jeno snaps back, catching you off guard and making you look up from his chest to his eyes. You can’t quite believe the boldness he holds now, having next to no fear of what you might say in response.

You decide to give him a reason to, “Jeno, what is going on with you lately? I have half a mind to think you’ve got a virus. You do not want to know what I’ll do to get rid of a virus.”

The other boys had since dispersed, some working hard on the rest of the Dreamies in the back while the others had opted to do whatever they could to keep tabs on what was happening several floors up from you all. Wherever they were, it was just you two alone at the window. You, at first, hadn’t been too keen on being there with him alone again in case the others got any ideas, but it seemed it had to be done if you were going to get anything through to him.

Jeno glares, “You wouldn’t.” “I would, if it meant that I’d get my kind, gentle Jeno back. Not this… argumentative… ninja who doesn’t listen to anything I say when I’m just trying to protect him.”

“I am the same Jeno,” he argues, “no virus, and you know that. Are you telling me you would have rather been hit than let me step in?”

You huff indignantly, focusing on his machinery again. It was times like this that you were reminded exactly why you found yourself both frustrated with him and liking him so much: he had all the characteristics you favored. Even his stubbornness gave way to traits that you admired about him, though you’d probably never say all that aloud. It was annoying having to reiterate to him time and time again the same things, but it also meant he defended his morals till his opponent’s very last breath. He had a mouth that could argue for days, thanks to you.

He had strong views on the world you lived in, you knew that much, but sometimes you wished he would step down if only to ensure his survival, “Yes. You know why? Because now they want me to throw you away, you idiot… they want me to throw you away.” You look away from fiddling with the gears inside of him to show him how serious you are. One of your hands comes to his cheek and you feel the warmth underneath the surface against your cold hands immediately.

“Then throw me away if that makes them happy, but they aren’t going to touch you or any of the others as long as I’m around ever again.” Jeno leaves no room for discussion in his proclamation.

You sigh heavily, hours of working and stress starting to catch up with you. You’re sure it’s visible on your face to Jeno. Jeno knew you best.

“I would hide you if I knew they wouldn’t find you,” your voice lowers in volume, “but I know they would find you. I made you with their parts, their machinery. They would take you away before I could even try to help you-” “I’m not gonna hide.”

You blink at Jeno, the robot’s chin raised high. He looked sure of himself, so, so sure of himself. He didn’t always have that surety in him.

Fondly, you remembered a time when he was all nervous ticks and worries. You had started to wonder if maybe you all had made a faulty bot, but with time, Jeno had come into his own. You should have known that one day that personality of his would only grow.

You go to drop your hand from his cheek but he catches it before it can fall, holding it close to his chest instead of letting you take it back. You look at him for a moment, confusion written clear on your face. “You hear me? I’m not hiding.”

“Then what are we gonna do, Jeno? We have mere hours before they come back for you. If you’re not gone, they’re going to take the Dreamies, and if you are gone… we can’t lose you. We won’t lose any of you. I won’t lose any of you, especially not you.” Your hand clenches in his hold, yet he holds impossibly tighter. It doesn’t hurt you, rather contrary to it. You feel safe in his hold. You feel like he can feel your heart beating erratically in your chest and seeks to show you he too feels the same in his own way. Maybe that’s why he keeps your hand pressed where a heart would have been.

“We’re not completely hopeless.” He says, then lets your hand fall back to your side. You blink, not following at all. Raising a hand, Jeno taps the side of his head and gives you the tiniest of smirks, waiting for you to catch on. “I was there for the whole thing, after all.”

The meaning clicks immediately, your eyes widening in realization. “Jeno, that- that just might work. You genius!”

The rush of elation you feel makes you throw your arms around Jeno’s neck in response. You can feel vibrations when Jeno laughs, though not like the human vibrations you might feel. However, they’re pretty damn close.

His arms hold you around the waist gently, “The genius made me, actually. I’m just the result of all that brilliance.”

You peel back a little to shoot him a smile of your own, a smile he missed far too much in the last month. He missed seeing it because of him. He liked seeing it because you liked him, wanted to be around him, enjoyed his presence.

You both realize quite late how close you’ve gotten in proximity. There’s a lull in the excitement there, something more lingering on top of the surface instead. You’re not sure… what, but it feels pungent and hazy.

It reminds you of that night a month ago.

Your arms slacken around his neck just a little, his eyes wandering the expanse of your face before he decides to release you completely. Your arms fall to your sides in preparation for what he might do, but he just leans against the wall behind him and lets his chest open once more. “You should finish up. We have quite the night ahead of us if we’re gonna pull this off.”

“Pull what off?” Jungwoo stumbles in right on cue, tapping away at a tablet and looking innocently between you and Jeno with large eyes full of wonder.

You share a look with Jeno in silent agreement.

The next day, minutes to the last hour, the anxiety is buzzing through the room like a sound wave on low frequency. The boys and Dreamies had eventually been informed of the plan you and Jeno had come up with shortly after smoothing out the majority of the details. Plans had to be made and precautions had to be set. Every single trap door had to be sealed shut or none of you would make it out of this together and, possibly, alive.

“(Y/N)?” You start at the call of your name, not quite used to the voice just yet. There stands MH 0802, better known as Mark, just several feet away with his hands cupped together in front of him with an awkward stance. He reminded you much of Jeno when he first started out, despite the fact that Mark was programmed to be the leader of the Dreamies. You hoped you would be able to see the day he matured into a strong leader.

“Yes, Mark?” You reply gently, walking over to him with a kind smile.

He looks around of a bit, seemingly lost in thought. The air of anxiety around him is stronger than anywhere else in the room despite the fact that he really wasn’t supposed to be able to give off any, “I just wanted to know if you were alright… this has been tough on everyone, but you were the one who almost got hurt.”

Your heart melts a little at Mark’s concern, “Of course, Mark! I’m okay, I swear. I just want today to go over smoothly… don’t worry. I’m not letting them take you boys away.”

Mark flashes you a hesitant smile, nodding that he understands and has no plans to fuss any further. Quietly, he slinks away to the other Dreamies and you feel your fear and excitement build up again.

You don’t quite register the touch until it’s grazing the skin of your elbow. Looking down to your arm, you find familiar fingers wrapping around your bicep and squeezing appreciatively, calmly. You manage a deep breath in his presence, “Thank you.”

Jeno smiles down at you, “Any time.”

Jeno had been comforting you on and off all morning, from the moment you’d dropped in with coffee and eyes frantic. You had fretted over every last detail with him, exhausted it amongst the eleven other members of your team up until the point that you were just a broken record and Jeno had to make you do something to get your mind off it. The plan was foolproof, as decided by the eleven of you late into the night. You worried that maybe it was the lack of sleep that had gotten you all to agree, so your precautions weren’t so unnecessary, but it was clear it wasn’t doing much good for you to keep dwelling on them mentally.

By the time the clock was alerting you all it had indeed been a straight twenty-four hours, sleazy guy, his harem of guard dogs, and the president of the company himself entered the laboratory with an air that bordered on suffocating. You had to focus on Jeno’s touch to calm yourself down in whatever way you could.

“Well, I hope you’ve made a decision.” The sleazy guy starts, smirking at Jeno but knowing to keep his distance this time. That fact alone makes you feel quite a bit better.

“We’re not giving up Jeno or the rest of D.R.E.A.M., so you all came here for nothing.” Ten speaks up nonchalantly, shooting them all a halfhearted look just to rub it in.

Soo-man raises an eyebrow, looking at all of you before turning his attention to the sleazy guy at his side, “Then it’s settled. Take possession of the bots and have NEO removed from the building immediately.”

Your eyes narrow as the president begins to turn and walk away, his well-known lackey enjoying himself far too much as he makes eyes with you. He believes he’s won, and you’re reminded of just how sweet it’ll be when he realizes he’s not even close to right.

Turning to Jeno, you watch as his eyes flash a bright blue before dulling back to brown once more, “I would suggest checking your social media, Lee Soo-man.”

The president stops on his way out of the room, casting a glance at Jeno before scoffing, “And why is that?”

“Just a suggestion. In case you don’t want to get attacked on your way out of this building.” You add on, feeling your chest swell with pride when Soo-man and sleazy guy’s face falter some.

Grabbing your own phone from your pocket, you open Twitter first, then Instagram, then Facebook; each one is exploding with news of the new face to hate in the country. “’President of SM, Lee Soo-man, reportedly planning to turn highly anticipated artificially intelligent robots into war machines to monopolize on wealth’. I can see the headlines now.” You grin from behind your phone.

“Oh, and don’t even try to put your hands on our boys. You violated our contract, Soo-man. Your little friend not only threatened us, he also attempted to physically harm one of us, and it’s all on video. You also broke the promise that these bots we’d create would be used for the betterment of mankind, not future weapons to aid in making SM more powerful. We never agreed to that, so the contract is null and void. These are our bots now,” Soo-man attempts to cut off Doyoung, but the younger boy speaks over him well, “and the government agrees.”

Soo-man, frantic, turns to his right hand man, “Get to my office and fix this now.”

Even as you watch them scramble around like headless chickens, there’s one clear truth that hangs in the air: you’ve won.

None of you start celebrating until the last lackey has disappeared and its in a shower of cheers and hugs everywhere. You feel yourself being bumped and shoved and grabbed from every angle, but you know it’s all a display of love and it doesn’t feel chaotic or unwanted in your eyes.

You let yourself be pulled into hug after hug by team member and robot alike, your eyes threatening to well up with happy tears at the thought that you would no longer worry day and night about the company randomly shutting down your project or subjecting your creations to cruel behavior and mistreatment for their own selfish gain. No, now they were free. You were free.

The last hug you encounter is almost unsurprisingly Jeno’s, the boy practically lifting you from the ground to give you his own celebratory show of appreciation. You can hear him laughing as he spins you, murmuring something about how glad he was that he kept everything recorded and on file. You return his hug with just as much vigor, holding him with a lightness under your skin that you haven’t felt with him in so long. You feel like you no longer have to slave away to keep him safe from a world that only wanted to hurt him. He was safe.

Jeno sets you down (eventually), letting you gently untangle your arms from around his neck once your feet are firmly on the ground… but you don’t remove them. Jeno stays hunched over a bit, confusion evident on his face. “(Y/N)? Are you okay?”

You pull back just enough so that your noses are touching, bumping into each other at the tips. Jeno looks between both of your eyes rapidly, trying to get a read on what you were thinking. It seems, for once, Jeno doesn’t know you best. It’s childish honestly, but you kinda (really) want to surprise him like he did you all those nights ago.

Without further ado, you press up on the tips of your toes and press a quick, chaste kiss to the corner of his lips that Jeno might have missed if he didn’t have the ability to replay the exact moment over and over again in his head to confirm it actually happened. Jeno hadn’t even had to ask you for it, you gave him a kiss because you wanted to kiss him too.

It takes you both a bit of time to realize the cheers in the background have definitely died down, and when you look to see what had caused the abrupt change in atmosphere, you find all eyes on you.

Oh, that’s right. You really did just kiss Jeno in front of the entire room, didn’t you?

Jeno’s systems begin to show signs of overheating, the color of his skin turning that cherry red that resembles blushing so well. You too can feel yourself somewhat overheating under the surface. You could tell you had quite a bit of explaining to do later.

“I called it!” One lone voice sticks out amongst the silence, and it’s not hard to locate where it comes from when the owner towers over the majority of scientists in the room. Yukhei looks positively ecstatic.

How to Write When You Don't Have Time

I might be losing my mind a little bit, but I swear someone asked me how to write when they don't have time, but now I can't locate the question in my inboxes or messages, but I thought I'd address it just in case someone actually did ask me this question. First off, let me start by saying, I may not be the best person to answer this. I'm not married, don't have kids, and I work in the writing industry. So if anyone reading this has their own expertise to add to this post, please leave a comment for others. Before getting too far into this topic, I want to acknowledge that some people may be dealing with a lot of life challenges at the moment, with serious health problems, being a caretaker for a loved one, serious financial problems, and unforeseen life crises, and may be legitimately unable to work on their writing because they ran out of today's time yesterday and their physical and mental stamina ran out before they got out of bed this morning. If you find yourself in such a category, don't fret. Life happens. It won't be this crazy forever. But for the average person who has at least half a grip on their crazy busy life but can't quite squeeze writing into said life, here are some ideas that might help. 1. Get more out of your schedule by living with more intention.

Some of us human beings struggle to live intentionally. We pull out our phones to check on something, and before we know it, we've lost an hour to the social media black hole. Or we sat down to take a break and suddenly Netflix is asking us if we are still watching Stranger Things. I know what some of you are thinking: Isn't this post supposed to be about people who are too busy to write? Not about people who are just sitting around? My point is, whether or not you actually spend hours unexpectedly watching Netflix, there are probably parts of your day you are living without intention, which usually means time is slipping through your fingers. Not everyone wants to live every hour intentionally. Many cultures and lifestyles around the world don't; they just go with the flow and do whatever, like the beach lifestyle. What I am saying is that if you are a busy person who doesn't have time to write, and you want to have time to write, this might be what you want to look at. Do you have behaviors and parts of the day where you are unintentionally losing time? Do you have the tendency to procrastinate things you don't want to do, for example? Intentional living doesn't mean you never get breaks. It means that when you take a break, you take breaks you intended to take. It doesn't mean that you never have free time. It means that when you have free time, it's something you intended. Intentional living means making every hour count, and getting rid of moments where time doesn't. It means when you are doing something, you are doing something, not kind of doing it. If I'm cleaning my room, but sort of just leisurely cleaning it, I'm probably losing time. But if I decide to draw upon more intention, and clean my room more intentionally, I'll make an effort to do it in a more efficient manner and get done quicker. So look at your lifestyle and see if you can free up more time by living more intentionally. And notice that I didn't say you had to live at max capacity intention. I said more intention. 2. Don't work harder. Work smarter.

There is a business show I love to watch called The Profit. In it, successful business man Marcus Lemonis goes into failing businesses and helps build them back up. One of the things Marcus says is that it's better to work smarter than it is to work harder. And when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Here is a simple example. Let's say I'm working really hard at doing the dishes. I'm working as hard as I can, but my methods are random. I hand-wash and put the dishes away one by one. I'm putting a lot of time and effort into getting this kitchen clean. But you know what's better than working harder at that method? Working smarter. Instead of hand-washing everything, I put them in the dishwasher. Instead of putting items away one by one as I wash them, I put them into piles and take the whole stack of plates to the cupboard at once. Working smarter is about looking for ways to work more efficiently. It's about finding ways to get more done in the time you have, and finding easier but still effective methods. Pretty much everyone is doing something that could be done more efficiently. When you work smarter you can free up more time. Or, when you write smarter, you can get more done in the amount of time you have. 3. Stop using mental energy focusing on the fact you don't have enough time.

My dad is a really busy person. One thing he said to me several months ago has stuck in my mind. He said, it's amazing how much more you can get done when you stop thinking about how you can't get it done. This is probably going to sound weird, but the way we think is also a usage of time--our mental time. The mental time we spend thinking about how we feel sorry for ourselves is mental time we could be putting to use in a different way. You might could even say we can try to think with more intention or to think smarter. Instead of thinking about how I don't have time to do something, I could be spending the "mental time" and "mental stamina," thinking about how I can do that thing more efficiently. Feeling sorry for ourselves about not having time often leads to sluggish demeanors and attitudes, and only makes it that much more difficult to be productive. It's like we've dropped a boulder in our own path that we now have to push out of the way before we can continue. The older I get, the more I realize, how we think about things is everything. Unfortunately, though, when you make statements like that, you get a whole bunch of people going out and trying to micro-manage all their thoughts and feelings, and they actually end up just suppressing said thoughts and feelings. It's not about suppressing--it's not about telling yourself you aren't allowed to think or feel that way, that breeds resentment toward self and unrealistic expectations. Instead, if you have a problem with the way you think, you acknowledge it and move on. Or, depending on how serious it is, you acknowledge it, work through it, and then move on. It takes time--maybe months or years--but eventually it won't be a tendency to think that way anymore. I am a strong believer that in most circumstances, we can eventually change how we think. Anyway, my point is, stop using your "mental time" on thoughts that aren't helpful to you. You don't need them anymore. It's not helpful to focus on how little time you have. What is helpful is focusing on how to best manage the time or task you have been given. What is helpful is spending your mental stamina on how you'll build your better life, realistically. 4. Stop procrastinating and implement the 20-minute rule.

Learn to start doing something you don't want to do, when you should do it. Don't watch an episode first. Don't play Candy Crush first. Sit down and start working. Remember, it's okay if you really, really, really don't want to do something. You are allowed to feel that way. But what matters is that you do it despite it. My brother and I have a method for when we don't feel like working on something. It's what I think of as the 20-minute rule. Now, I don't know psychologically why this works, but it works for both of us almost every single time. And I've seen it work for many others. When you don't want to work on something, you sit down and work on it anyway, telling yourself you only need to do it for 20 minutes. Now, you need to actually do the work intentionally--actually put in effort, not just sit there--and I don't know why, but almost always, by 20 minutes in, you realize it's not that bad. It's like my dad always says, "Nothing is as bad as you think it's going to be." After 20 minutes, it's easier to work longer, and I just keep working anyway. You can try this with anything you don't want to do, in order to get it done quicker so you can free up writing time. But you can also do this with writing, when you finally have freed up a few minutes to write and don't feel like writing. Just give yourself 20 minutes. I bet 9/10 times you'll want to keep writing after the 20 minutes. 5. Use the percolation approach to writing.

There are discovery writers, people who like to just sit down and start writing and "discover" the story as they go; and there are outliners, people who like to outline the story before they start writing. But there is also another writing approach that's very common that we don't talk about much, which is the percolation approach. Percolation is when you get ideas for a story, and you let them sit in your mind for a while until you are ready to write them. If you don't have a lot of time to write, or time to set aside to consistently write, the percolation method is a good one for you. You probably have ideas of what kind of stories you want to write. Let them sit in your mind. Let your subconscious take a stab at them. Think about them when falling asleep at night, or in the morning before you get out of bed. When you feel ready to write the scene and have a few minutes, you're all ready to go. I think most writers use a little bit of all three methods. The tricky part about percolation is you might hit an area that doesn't eventually come together on its own, so you do need to sit down and work it out. But, heck, you can even use the percolation method scene-by-scene. When one scene is ready to write, you write it. Then you let more ideas percolate, and then you write that scene. You don't have to write chronologically either. Write the scenes you want, and before you know it, you might have half the book in your head done.

6. Take advantage of mental writing

There are some tasks in life that don't require much brainpower, like folding laundry or pulling weeds or waiting in line to pick up your prescriptions. If you are trying to squeeze more writing into your life, these are places where you can spend "mental time" thinking about what story you want to write. Go ahead and daydream a little. Think about that scene you really want to get started on. Ponder how to solve that plot problem. Figure out that character. Let your mind wander on the subject in helpful ways. Or, if you have a specific writing element in mind focus on what you'll do about it. Jot ideas down in your phone--if you are like the rest of America, it's always near you. 7. Play to when and how you write best

If you haven't been writing long, you might not know how or when you do your best writing. But over time, writers figure out what works for them. Most writers I've talked to do their best work in the morning or at night. I've heard that this is partly because those are the times when the creative side of the brain is awake--after dreaming, or just before dreaming. I've heard that the creative side of the brain goes to "sleep" in the afternoon. Even if you are short on time, see if you can free up some time at the part of the day you write best. Can you wake up a half hour or more earlier? Can you stay up a little later? When you play to your best writing time, you are more productive during that time. Do you write better with music? Or without? Do you like to be sitting? Or reclining? Do you like to eat one Oreo before you start? These are little things, but figuring out what you like and seeing if you can play to it consistently, will help signal to your brain that it's time to switch to writing mode, meaning less time trying to reach that mode and better use of your writing minutes. The more consistent you can be in your "pre-writing rituals" the more likely they are to be effective. 8. Use downtime activities to benefit your writing.

There is a scripture that I like: "See that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize." In your efforts to fit writing into your life, don't forever sacrifice the downtime needed to rest and re-energize. There may be periods where you have next to no downtime in life, but you can't last forever like that. Ideally, you give yourself downtime every day, if only for 20 minutes. But not all downtime is created equally. You can utilize that time by doing activities that energize you faster. I recently read a post about a writer who watched television on her downtime, but realized it didn't actually make her feel rested or re-energized, and instead, running did. That's her personal experience. Maybe television does make you feel rested. Whatever the case, evaluate what activities actually do lead to you having more energy, and what activities don't. During downtime, you can watch or read fiction, which will help you with your writing. You can do something that requires your imagination. Or go for a walk and allow your mind to meditate on writerly things. Bonus

If you can find a balanced schedule that works consistently for you, maintain that stable schedule as long as you can. Every time you have to try to switch to a new normal, you lose time and energy. Find the most effective schedule you can realistically maintain and keep it for as long as you can manage.

Damage Control

I am feeling pretty ragged today and I closed up shop "early" because of it (at 5:30, so not really that early).

I think my workload is just catching up to me. I worked a lot even on Saturday (I did take Sunday off though) and I've been thinking about work constantly, and it's finally doing a number on me.

Back in December (or maybe it was early January) I took on a lead engineer role. At this company, that basically makes me a manager and a technical lead all in one. I've always been confident in my technical skills, but the people management is an entirely different thing, and is taking a different kind of energy. Plus, my calendar is full of meetings and everyone wants some of my time. So I don't have nearly enough time to write code, but we've still got (aggressive) deadlines to hit, and I need to be banging out code for us to hit them. The stress is also wrecking my sleep quality.

And today it just feels like it's suddenly caught up to me, so now I am in damage control mode.

I thought about ordering some food, but I made myself justify it. I decided the goal was to take my mind off work and cheer me up a bit. Would it do that? Yeah! But then I re-thought the goal, and realized that what I really need is to set myself up for a better tomorrow, and I don't think Outback Steakhouse is going to help me with that, so forget it.

To set myself up for a better tomorrow, the most important thing I need is to sleep well. And for that, I need to get my mind off work, and relax.

I'm going to have dinner and then go do a long meditation, and try to stay in that meditative state for the rest of the evening, and clear my mind. I shouldn't be on the computer, but I wanted to write this, so I can look back at it later and see how I did.

After meditating, I'm not sure what I will do. Maybe I will read, but even that takes some brainpower, and I'm not sure it's worth it. Maybe I will watch a movie, but I feel like I shouldn't be looking at screens.

You know what I would really love to do? Go for a swim. I haven't done that in ages. There is a river right next to my place, but you would have to be crazy to swim in it. It's brown. I might look for a public pool or something, but it's getting fairly late already. A walk would be nice too, but you can't really walk out of my place, you need a car. The road outside is very narrow and winding, and people drive way too fast on it. Seriously, I never see anyone walking, and it seems like I would get run over if I tried. And I don't like the idea of driving somewhere to take a walk, unless it's a mountain or something, and I don't have time to do that.

The ordering food idea is suddenly seeming better again, too, but I don't think I'll do it. We will see.

4, 8, 11, 13, 23, 30, 34, 38 :)

Oooh, awesome! Thanks. 

I’ve included already answered ones below.

A Writer’s Ask Game

agwitow:

Send me an ask with the number(s) you’d like me to answer!

The Basics1.     Do you listen to music when you write?2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?

Started out as a pantser but after a few fic, I decided to give plotting a try. Am now a fully committed plotter.

3.     Computer or pen and paper?

Definitely computer. My fingers tend to cramp up even when I write a little bit and when I write a page or so in a notebook (I often carry a notebook with me when I go somewhere but don’t want to drag the laptop with me), about 3/4th of it illegible to anyone who isn’t me. In a way, that’s a good thing I suppose considering some of my smuttier fics, but overall it’s just a pain. And I always get disappointed when I get around to typing out the notes because it looks like a lot more when written out!

4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

No, I have never been published. Maybe one day I’ll try my hand at it, but right now I don’t feel like my writing is “good enough” yet. No idea for an original novel either.

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?6.     Single or multiple POV?7.     Standalone or series?8.     Oldest WIP

Oldest WIP I’ve written for or does plotting also count? If it’s just written, then it’s probably my abandoned Down the Rabbit Hole (FFnet | AO3). I just... got stuck. And it was so incredibly frustrating and really stopped me from enjoying anything fic-related that I finally just said to hell with it and dropped it. I just checked and I stopped working on it in 2013... I still have the outline and everything though, so who knows?

9.     Current WIP10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

The Specifics11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

To be honest, I have no idea. I don’t know, maybe I’m rare but I’ve never been one of those people who held specific authors up as their ideal. I used to read a lot of books (nowadays less so, because 1) am adult and have to adult and 2) because I read fanfic and often would rather write my own fic than read a book) and have some favorites  (all fiction) but nothing that really stands out.

12.  Describe your perfect writing space13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

Hahaha! Are you sure you want to know?

Okay, so I get an idea. Often when I’m half asleep/dozing, in the shower or just doing something mindlessly. The ideas are usually specific scenes that I can see play out in my head, but occasionally it’s just a conversation/some dialogue. If I like it, I’ll try to force more by really focusing on it. If the muse wishes it, that tends to work. I’m rarely super excited about an idea that I’ll start working on it right away, and prefer to let it roll around for a while. See if it keeps popping up and more details are added. If it’s worth my time and energy, I suppose.

Once that happens, I’ll start writing down notes. I use OneNote to organize my fic ideas/plotting and have one notebook that’s simply for ideas; one section per idea and depending on the idea, it’ll just be a stream of consciousness (often peppered with questions for myself) or a bit more organized in different pages. Again, depending on how excited I am about the idea, this can be done in a day or it can take weeks/months where I’ll occasionally add some info.

Then, when I feel like I want to work on it some more, I’ll start to delve into the details. When is it set? What’s the beginning, middle and end? Which events do I want include but have no idea where yet? Is there specific dialogue or are there actions I want to maybe include at one point? If it’s an AU, AR or AT, I’ll start working on the differences from canon (who is in it, what’s their role, how does it deviate from canon). How long do I think this fic will be? I need to set a max number of chapters for myself, otherwise the story will just keep growing and I’ll keep adding stuff and in the end it’ll read like I just came up with more and more stuff simply so I wouldn’t have to end the story, rather than telling the story I wanted to tell in the beginning. 

Anyway, I start creating pages for the chapters and fill in the few things I already know. At this point I often also involve my beta and discuss the fic idea with her. Everything from that conversation goes into the ‘brainstorm’ section and I’ll work on the questions and suggestions that arose during the conversation. Then, I’ll start focusing on filling up the chapters with general outlines. That can be anything from “scene 1 Sam telling Jack (Sam pov); scene 2 introspection about changes (Jack pov)” to a paragraphed summary or even a scene completely written out. Sometimes it’s just “some shippy stuff here”, to let me know that at one point I need to lighten it up or bring them closer together. I go over all the chapter pages that way, but don’t necessarily fill them all out. I also make one page with a chapter overview, which is usually the numbered chapters with one or two lines about the content so I can see in one quick glance which things need working on. 

More thinking on the fic idea, sometimes even when sleeping and brainstorming with the beta usually follows, which in turn results in adding more details. The chapter pages get more specifics or maybe a “don’t forget to mention [character]”  or “now [# weeks] pregnant, mention that/include symptoms”. Also, depending on the story idea, I might need to do research. That can be canon/fanon stuff, but also scientific stuff, maybe a different language, create background information for original/rarely used canonical  characters, timeline, locations, RL world events, and so on. That also gets included in the notebook and, at some point, added to the relevant chapter.

Once my outlining is done and I feel comfortable to start  writing, I tend to just create a master document and start writing. Now, that’s not to say my whole outline is complete or that it’s something I must strictly adhere to. Additions and changes are made all the time, sometimes I’ll get stuck or realize a scene doesn’t work the way I envisioned it or the beta tells me something is missing. So, I go back to the notes and work on it. Then I go back to the fic and write, write, write.

Oh and I usually ask the beta to go over a chapter once I’ve finished writing it (or, if I’m stuck in a scene, I’ll ask her to look at it right away) and then I’ll go over the feedback, make changes, possibly discuss some of the things she mentioned, do some more editing and then I’ll go to the next chapter and write some more.

14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

Hmm. I’m not sure? I do know that when I’m stuck I tend to make a fruit salad or get snacks out in the hopes of it resulting in the required brainpower to keep going.

18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

The Favourites21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?23.  Favourite author

I don’t think I really have a favorite author... I don’t like non-fiction, I always read fiction and often thrillers. Some of the books I always order and often reread are ones by Jilliane Hoffman and Ingrid Black.

As for fic, see my favorites/bookmarks on my profile on FFnet/AO3.

24.  Favourite genre to write and read25.  Favourite part of writing

Ooh, difficult to choose. I really love doing the research and plotting, but I think the best part of writing is ending up with the story you imagined before you even ‘put pen to to paper’. Also, managing to convey the emotions through the writing - like when a reader comments with how they also teared up, they had to stop reading a few times to catch their breath/get a grip on their emotions or were just overwhelmed by it all. That’s pretty neat.

26.  Favourite writing program27.  Favourite line/scene28.  Favourite side character29.  Favourite villain30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

I have quite a few fic ideas I haven’t started writing yet. Not sure I can choose one. But one that I’ve had for a long time, like ~6 years, and even started writing on (but then discarded that because it wasn’t a good opening) is for Woman In Blue. It’s a first-person fic, a style I actually kinda hate and would probably back-button right away if I saw one of my favorite authors use in a new fic... anyway, it’s Mark Carter in first person, writing about Sam (and to a smaller extent, Jack) and all the things he learned about her life after her death - she and Jack died in a blaze of glory, defending Earth against a Replicator attack that also prompted Disclosure.

The Dark31.  Least favourite part of writing32.  Most difficult character to write33.  Have you ever killed a main character?34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

There are so many scenes I’ve struggled with, most recently in Unmade Plans (chapter 8 specifically, that one really was a fight and I’ve rewritten it probably a dozen times) but the hardest was probably the Sam/Klorel scene in Only the Stubborn Survive. Those of you who’ve read the fic will know which scene I mean.

35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

The Fun36.  Last sentence you wrote37.  First sentence or your current WIP38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

I’m not quite sure. A lot of them start out as weird ideas! The end result as you see them are soooo different. Maybe Consequences of Being Touched, because there were quite a few risque scenes in there?

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

The Rest of It41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?42.  How do you feel about love triangles?43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

It depends on the situation and the outline. I’ve thrown outlines out of the window at times because something else turned out to work much better once you actually reach that point in your story, but I’ve also rewritten a scene a dozen times before I got it exactly the way I wanted it in the outline.

44.  How much research do you do?45.  How much world building do you do?46.  Do you reread your own stories?47.  Best way to procrastinate48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?50.  [Other question—ask me anything]

Well, those were fun but also tricky! Guess I shouldn’t have skimmed the list before rb’ing, haha. No just kidding, I loved answering them. Thanks!