#polyam asks
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Don't know if this is for advice but I need to confess this to SOMEONE outside the 4 of us. For many reasons, no one outside the 4 people mentioned here know anything about this
I'm a happily married man with a wonderful wife of 10 years. She's my best friend, my lover, and every bit the partner I need.
We're both well aware of our poly natures and have even tried (unsuccessfully) to open up to a third. It wasn't the right person or fit but we at least tried. Outside of that we've both had some FwB and it's never had any negative impact on our relationship.
But now I actually fell in love.
I fell in love with a streamer and what started as parasocial became just plain social to becoming very intimate and real. The kicker, this streamer girl is also happily married to her own man (4 years now) and they are also open to poly.
After a few weeks of this buildup, we had our first "date" over Discord video and all partners involved were nothing but supportive. It's long distance but the opportunity to visit each other is very real. The opportunity for sex is very real and very much discussed. The possibility of group sex in many configurations is on the table.
And through all this, we've firmly established our commitments and love to our spouses first and foremost, while still talking every day and very much falling in love with each other more and more.
I know all the important parts of navigating a poly relationship, and with how open all communication has been across all parties involved, I'd say we're doing okay.
I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with how much I feel the euphoria of new love. Falling in love wasn't something I ever expected to happen to me again. I honesty didn't think I was capable of it. This wasn't me choosing someone, I had not say in the matter. My heart just said "this one" and took the rest of me along for the ride.
I don't know if what I need is advice but this is such an "out there" situation for me. Outside of the 4 of us, there's no one to talk to about what's going on. Partially because none of our close friends/family are poly and wouldn't really understand the dynamics, especially when they've gone through problems of cheating. And we also can't let it get out that a streamer fell in love with a viewer, for reasons I hope are obvious.
So this is my anonymous confession. Any whatever words you have for me, I'll take them.
This is so exciting! I'm so happy you're getting this opportunity with so much support from your respective partners behind you! It absolutely makes sense to be overwhelmed and probably pretty nervous about meeting in person for the first time, but just enjoy the moment as much as you can. Falling in love, especially for the second time, is intimidating, and comes with complicated feelings, but it's also so much fun. I hope things go well for you all and that you'll keep me updated on how things go! We all struggle a bit with lack of community to share these things with I think, so I adore being the void to shout into. <3
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💕 and 💟
For the poly questions ☺️
💕 - what’s your current dating situation and do you have to make a flow chart to describe it?
I currently have three partners, and all are parallel to each other w my being the hinge between them.
\ | /
O Like this!
💟 - what is your cutest group date idea?
It’s not my idea like, trademarked or anything? but I love the idea of that TikTok trend where the couple or polycule plays rock, paper, scissors to decide the appetizer, entree and dessert of their dinner out!
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I love your blog! These prompts are so creative. Do you have any OT3 prompts where an established couple is gently wooing a third person who thinks they're just FWB/going to ruin the actual relationship?
Thank you! That is actually something I've recently read a few fics about, so I'll try my best.
OT3 Prompts - Wooing third person
"You want to leave already? We had hoped you would stay."
"Well, it was a one time thing, wasn't it?" "It wasn't for us. Not if you would like it to be more."
"Thanks, I guess. For like... letting me stay. In your bed. I mean, it was fun, thanks."
"We would be happy to explore this thing between us. If you want to."
"You're just saying said to be nice. No need to pity me." "What we feel for you is definitely not pity."
"I think there is some miscommunication here. We definitely need to work on that in the future."
"Our two months anniversary is coming up!" "But you've been together for much longer." "Our anniversary. For the three of us."
"You want me to stay? With you? For... for how long?" "We take whatever you give us, but forever is a good start, I think."
"We would like to take you on dates. Separately and together."
"I can't believe that you want me. Both of you. Actually wanting me, not just my body." "Well, you're good company. You and your body."
"It will take some time to figure all of this out. But I think we already established how well we work together."
"No choosing involved. I like you. You like me. He likes you. You like him. We like each other. I'm awful at math, but that looks like an easy equation to solve."
"All the best things come in three."
"We two work well together. But there is always room for improvement and we want that to be you."
"Oh, silly you. It was never just a one time thing for us."
"Would you like to join us?" "But you're on a date. I don't want to ruin that."
"You don't have to worry about our relationship. You're not breaking us up, you're completing us."
More: OT3 Prompts | OT3 Ideas | How to write a polyamorous relationship
Really hope you like these prompts!
- Jana
#anon ask#ask#creativepromptsforwriting#writing ideas#writing prompts#writing inspiration#ot3 prompts#polyam relationships#prompt list
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Wilbur: So who's the lucky lady? Who's Missa what- what's she like?
Phil, completely deadpan: he's a dude
Wilbur:
#qsmp#philza#wilbur soot#maige's posts#maige's ramblings#i love it here this is great <- is casually dying over wilbur asking phil if hes a top or bottom#also this post is inspired by the fact that whenever i hear ppl say bi and polyam in the same sentence#i always remember ppl pointing out that eggman was also polyam in that dub bc he says#'wife and/or husband'
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PLEASE SPREAD TO ALL AROACE AND POLYAM BLOGS THAT YOU CAN
Hey guys just so you know there’s a aphobe and polyphobe going around and leaving hateful messages. Just go ahead and block aphobic-polyphobe before they come harass you.
#aromantic#lgbtqia#polyamourous aromantic#lgbtq#polyamory#polyamourous#aro#arospec#not a culture is ask#polyamorous#aspec#acespec#aroace#asexual#polyam aro culture is#poly aro
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An alpha, beta, and omega gain a new roommate to help with bills and such. The problem is this newcomer was never taught anything about the A/B/O dynamics of society, leaving them heavily socially stilted.
The three are more and more baffled as they observe their roommate. They constantly seek solitude, doesn't understand the basic sounds and scents of others (aside from talking), and is horribly out of tune with their own instincts.
This is going to be a comedy of errors for everyone involved.
I love this!
Alpha: so we have an interview with a potential roommate this afternoon so everyone be nice
Beta: are they a beta? Or are we going to have to heat proof another room?
Alpha: huh… actually it doesn’t say.. I wonder why?
Omega: there’s lots of reasons someone wouldn’t want to disclose their dynamic! I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about!
And then a few weeks later they’re all living happily together when the new roommate cleans up the living room to be nice but the omega had just finished scenting the whole room and arranging everything the way they like for comfort. The roommate has no idea they’re making the room smell like cleaning supplies and covering up the pack scent. The omega is so distraught and the beta has to explain to the roommate what happened.
Or when the Alpha cooks dinner for everyone and offers some to the roommate. The roommate tries to give them money afterwards for it and the alpha is so confused because they’re just providing for their pack and everyone contributes to groceries anyway.
The roommate and the omega end up curled together on the couch during a movie night and the omega makes a little noise because they’re happy and the roommate panics. They pull away immediately because they think they must have accidentally pulled the omegas hair or squished them or something to make that noise. Cue confused omega noises
#omegaversehellscape#omegaverse#alpha beta omega#alpha beta omega dynamics#alpha/beta/omega dynamics#omegaversehellscape asks#polyam packs#omegaverse poly packs#polyam omegaverse
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TUMBLR IM SO SORRY I FORGOT YOU AGAIN. falls to knees
#SORRYRYYYRYRY IS CRYING ON FLOOR#coroika#splatoon#splatoon manga#army#rider#aloha#s5#poly s5#polyam s5#alorai#amirai#armask#asks open all the tiem btw do not be shy ask me about s5 i will jump#for JOY
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Glamrock Freddy x Reader x Glamrock Bonnie is giving major “me and my wife saw you from across the bar and dig your vibe” energy
Exactly, and it'd 100% be Bonnie to approach you first. Freddy just waves from a distance once you look over.
#ask#glamrock fronnie#glamrock freddy#glamrock bonnie#fronnie#fronnie x reader#glamrock fronnie x reader#glamrock freddy x reader#glamrock bonnie x reader#poly#polyam#sfw#silly#suggestive#not a request#anonymous
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I wonder if you’re willing and able to give me a little advice. When I’ve been in poly relationships, working on jealousy over metamours has been an ongoing task. This is pretty normal, I understand, but I noticed the feelings were much stronger and more difficult to handle well when the metamour in question was a man. I’m a lesbian, and while there are several very wonderful men friends in my life who I love very much, I find it difficult to trust and respect men who I haven’t gotten to know (and all too often, even when I have gotten to know them).
I guess what I’m asking for is advice on how to cultivate compersion when your metamour is someone you don’t especially like or respect. And I suppose I should add that I’m not currently in a poly relationship, I have been before and I’d like to again, and I’d like to do a better job this time.
The key is usually to focus on trusting your partner. There may be a lot of very legitimate reasons to not trust or respect a metamour. But at the end of the day, you aren't the one dating them. The important thing is if they make your partner and are good for them. You can let them know your opinion of said metamour if you are worried about your partner but you need to respect your partner's autonomy in making their own choice.
I think what makes this is even harder is that is subjective to your partner's opinion rather your subjective take or even objectively. Said partner may very well in-fact just be factually bad and unhealthy for your partner. But if your partner is wants to choose them then it is best to support them to a point. You may need to accept that one day that metamour will hurt your partner and brake their heart but until that happens your partner just might not be ready to brake up yet so you just need to let them go through the journey themselves and then be there for them without telling them how you told them so.
Course all of the above is dealing with moderation. Obviously if you think your metamour is a legitimate murderer or something then that is a different story.
Finally I won't sugarcoat it. Sometimes all that is too much to take. It isn't unheard of that somebody breaks up with their partner because their metamour is too much to handle and you can't put up with the tug of war. I think most of the time that is avoidable and things can be worked. But it is important to acknowledge that could possibly happen and just be prepared for it.
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do you know of any polyam love songs?
BOY, DO I!
The list is not as long as I'd like but I literally keep a spreadsheet of polyam songs 🎵
Top picks for love songs are probably, in order, Can't Help but Fly, You and Your Friend, and In the Middle.
I'm always looking for more so if anyone who knows any others PLEASE add them, I'm literally begging 😭
Plaintext song list (sans ratings, so don't judge) below the cut
In The Middle by Dodie
The Cult of Dionysus by The Orion Experience
Mambo No 5 by Lou Bega
3 by Britney Spears
Someone New by Hozier
Do Ya Thang by Rihanna
My Girl Got a Girlfriend by Ray Lavender
Felices Los 4 by Maluma
Kinky by Ke$ha
No I in Threesome by Interpol
Save the Last Dance for Me by The Drifters
Let Me Love You byGeri Halliwell
Five Moms and Three Dads by Tom Hunter
Perils of Poly by Gaia Consort
Polyamory Song by David Rovics
Can't Help But Fly by Climbing PoeTree
Cyrus in the Moonlight by Cyndi Lauper
Triad by Jefferson Airplane
You and Your Friend by Snake River Conspiracy
Why Does it Have to be (Wrong or Right) by Restless Heart
Just Be Good to Me by The S.O.S. Band
Follow Me by Uncle Kracker
Everybody's Girl by Jinkx Monsoon
Polyamorous by Breaking Benjamin
#poly music#music#polyam music#normalize polyamory#poly media#ask box is always open#poly playlist#playlists#poly songs
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I am newly poly and have a girlfriend I’ve been with for a few months now. I just started seeing another sweetie and while talking with my gf about it I got an overwhelming sense of happiness and gratitude and felt like I could cry tears of joy. I was overwhelmed with the reality that I could be in love with two people and have two beautiful relationships and the fulfillment and love I felt in my heart was incredible. Is there a word for this? Has anyone else experienced this? Thank you!
Isn't it so wonderful!! I get overwhelmed with gratitude for the ability to explore all the relationships I want to sometimes too. It's so lovely to be so so loved <333
#polyam asks#loving all the wholesome asks recently!!#polyamory#polyam#lgbtq#poly#polyamorous#polycule#polyamorous culture#poly culture#gay culture#polyam culture
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💌 How do you feel about long-distance relationships?
Hah well given that I’m in one, it’d be awful if I said I felt pretty shit abt them!
There’s definitely pros and cons as w any relationship, but I think that if both or all partners are committed, there are so many ways to be intimate and connected however many miles separate you.
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Can I pretty please get some Poly Cove, Baxter, and Derek x reader 🥺
I am desperate and just want to know how they'd be like all together in a closed relationship- how they treat each other, MC, how they act with the other's families, etc. etc.
PS. You don't have to do this request but It's so hard to find poly prompts for them 😭
PPS. Can I be 💫 Anon?
↠ Cove x Baxter x Derek x gn!Reader HCs ↞
* word count ↠ 2743
* tags ↠ gender neutral reader, fluff, a little angst but it's okay, closed relationship polyamory, meeting the family, a very implied slow burn, bax is a little bit of an idiot, the opposite of proof read
* notes ↠ YES THANK YOU ANON 🙏 I'm polyamorous myself, and the lack of content makes me so sad sometimes. Glad to know there's a market aside from me and @starance
You and Cove were the first two together
After the awkwardness of your first kiss, and the dancing around it, and figuring out the terms and oh god do you tell your families???
And believe me it was awkward for a while
Not a bad kind, just the growing pains of a new relationship- of a first relationship
And then there was Derek.
Who has absolutely had a crush on you and Cove for like- ever? Is that a time frame? He didn't really know, but it felt right.
He didn't realize he was allowed to feel that for both of you for a while.
He thought he had to choose and it broke him a little, because he adored being around the both of you too much to ever choose
He was always supportive of you and Cove after you two told him you were dating
But you couldn't help from notice a little longing in his eyes when you and Cove were couple-y
Or how he withdrew just that slight bit if you got a little too close to romantic touches instead of platonic cuddles
It went from unnoticeable to unbearably obvious as time went on and years passed
You and Cove stressed about it together
For you, you had always stressed about what being in a relationship with Cove would mean for your trio
You'd heard horror stories from books and school acquaintances about loosing friends after getting into a relationship
And Cove
Was less worried about if your relationship had anything to do with it, and more worried about losing part of his home
The trio, your family, they'd become integral to his perception of home
It never felt quite right when you all weren't right by him
So, naturally, you both team up to confront him!
And it went-
Well, about as well as you'd expect? Derek was usually the one to carry the blunt of emotional intelligence, and even then all three of you were dense as hell
None of you are really sure how it slipped, just that it did. Maybe Derek was the one to tell you two, apologizing because "that's probably weird, isn't it?"
You were all versed in the queer community, but had never delved into what polyamory really was
Or maybe it slipped from you, a hesitant ramble spiraling into comparing the way you felt for Derek a little to closely to the way you do Cove
Maybe even it was Cove, thinking maybe Derek pulled away for his comfort- maybe he noticed Cove's awkwardness and red face and pulled away so as to not upset him
Maybe he explained, flustered, stumbling over his words, that he only reacted that way to Derek because he liked him in that same romantic way
But no matter how it happened
It absolutely did happen
Before any of you could regret it, or really even think on the realization that it was all mutual, Cove blurted out
"Do you wanna go out with us?"
Before either of you could respond, he stumbled out words asking if it was okay with you and that Derek didn't have to, you could just stay friends, I didn't mean to impl-
You cut him off, agreeing with the sentiment
And finally
There's the Derek Suarez smile.
You and Cove nearly got knocked to the ground with the force of the hug, vague words of agreement from him mixed with the three of you laughing
You were all still nervous, you didn't know how to go forward with it all-
And you went to your moms for help, because surely they'd know how this all worked, right?
But it all settled, and you three were still you, just, you know- Liz got to tease you that extra bit more
And it stayed like that, until you were all 18 and you hit a little bump in the smoothness
Because someone you saw that same summer you kissed Cove was back
When you first saw Baxter way back then, you just thought he was pretty and nice to talk to, to dance with
Really, you thought the two of you could be friends
But, as many people visiting Sunset Bird do, he disappeared
A little disappointing, but you only knew him for a day.
And then he showed up, the new guy on the street
You didn't quite remember his face until he talked about the soiree
And well, over the summer, perhaps you fall a little in love with him
It's not your fault! He's very charming, and he's sweet
It's not the same intensity and familiarity that your relationship with Cove and Derek brings, but it's fun and you could see him being a long-term partner
And then, of course, he leaves for another five years.
"Did I do something wrong?" The words spilt from your lips, laying against Cove's chest as he rubbed circles into your sides.
Derek was laying with his head in your lap, letting you run your fingers through- and thoroughly mess up- his hair.
"I don't think so," he chimed.
Cove shook his head, almost trying to convince himself too. "It was his decision to leave, did he seem mad?"
"Well, no, but-" you sighed, anxiety biting away at you as you bit your lip, peeling the skin.
"Mhm! So, it wasn't your fault, or Cove's, or mine. He just wanted to leave. Which personally I think is dumb, who wouldn't want to stay around you two for as long as possible?"
You snorted, letting yourself relax back into Cove for the time being.
So anyways
You see him again another five years later.
Helping your friends plan their wedding on a short notice- perhaps a little too short notice- your own planning stage looming nearby in the distance
Seeing him again..
Well, naturally you tell Cove and Derek
Because what else are you meant to do?
You, unfortunately, drew the short straw to be the one to confront him
"Baxter, hang on- talk to me like a real person, for once." You latched on to his wrist, unwilling to let the moment slip through your fingers. "I get it, you don't want to talk to me. But at least- tell me why you left."
He sighed, not making any move to make you let go. "I do regret leaving Sunset Bird with nary a call to you three, you are still together, no?"
You rolled your eyes. "Yeah and we're getting married, but that's not the point. Bax, I just want you to care enough to tell me why."
"You're..." his steadily widening eyes trailed down to your hand, and sure enough, an engagement ring was sitting comfortably on your ring finger.
He tried tugging his wrist out of your hand.
You held on tighter. "You're gonna tell me what happened so I don't feel like shit about it for the rest of my life, okay?! So I don't have to ask for reassurance that it wasn't my fault every time I remember how you left town. I think I deserve that."
You weren't normally a demanding person, he had to know that. He had to see the way that this all ate at your for the past five years.
You watched his resolve crumble, and it was- weird, seeing him drop the professionalism for even a moment. Weird, but welcome.
"Can we go somewhere private, at least? Perhaps the beach?"
You thought back to the symbol of your life, the beach and the poppy-covered hill behind your house. The same beach and hill you managed to drag him out to stargaze from countless times that summer. The sun was hanging low in the sky.
"I'll drive, you sort out whatever you're about to say." You shrugged, taking the drivers side of his way-too-expensive (in your humble opinion) car.
"Alright," he moved around, sitting in the passenger side. Maybe it was the time you spent with him that long time ago, making you notice the unnoticeable. But he seemed- deflated, a little sad.
It was a quiet night
You could see a bit of disappointment in Baxter's eyes when he looked up to see a cloudy sky, you couldn't help but feel it too
You thought you'd have to push more, but he let out a long sigh
And stared at his hands, almost willing them not to shake
And he started to explain
He was the type to run away, it was ingrained in him
When he realized he was falling for three people all the way back then, he didn't know what to do
The fact that you three were so close knit didn't help
He left because he was scared
What would his family think?
Would he be enough?
Would it end in heartbreak he was trying so hard to avoid? (but, of course, it already ended like that)
Some of his worries were unsaid, he brushed them away with a "I had a lot on my mind, in terms of anxiety"
Truthfully, he thought you would have forgotten about him by now
He realized how much it could have hurt a little while ago, but he thought it would have been so much more likely that he was forgotten- just a blimp in the endless summers you three seemed to spend together
"I would have reached out, if I had known it still haunted you."
His hands were shaking
He clasped them together in an attempt to hide it
They were still shaking, twitching slightly in their hold
He had a crush on you three?
That's why he left and never came back?
You didn't know whether to laugh or scream at the poor man
He wasn't expecting a positive response, of course
But your laugh and yell of "you're a fucking idiot!" felt a little-
unexpected.
"I liked you too, I think those two could have too if you didn't absolutely ditch us."
You leaned on his shoulder, and he made no move to pull away
The scene familiar to an old one, but different
You told him to meet the three of you at a cafe in town
One you used to hang out in all the time
It wasn't a question, but if it was he would have agreed
And the four of you talked
Things were awkward at first, Cove particularly a bit standoffish with him
But you all talked it through
And maybe laughed about how stupid Baxter specifically was back then
He deserved that, he thought
Then a question came up, one he wasn't expecting
Really, the cafe in of itself would have been closure enough for him
But Cove asked if he wanted to go on a date
And Baxter had to shove every instinct and nerve in his body telling him to run away
Because he should be allowed to be happy like this, shouldn't he?
He really didn't know
But he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth
NOW ONTO THE BIT YOU ACTUALLY ASKED FOR
He helps plan you, Cove, and Derek's wedding of course
He's far more flirty with you and Derek than Cove, respecting the discomfort Cove has had with the flirting in the past
But when Cove doesn't respond negatively to flirting?
You, Baxter, and Derek gang up on him and make him a literal tomato with how red in the face he goes
Derek showering compliments and peppering kisses while Bax makes his trademarked flirty comments, kisses lingering a bit longer
No matter what you do to add to this man's suffering, it certainly will
Speaking of Cove, he's the last to get comfortable with touch
From you it's been fine since you were kids, and he got used to Derek's touch quickly because of how openly affectionate he could be
But Baxter's normal touch, even just holding hands, was both more subtle and somehow more intimate feeling
So Cove struggled to adapt
Which was fine, of course, he could take all the time he needed
Baxter would always ask if he was allowed to touch him, whether the ask be verbal or not
Even long after Cove started saying yes (near) every time
Same goes for you, if you struggle with touch
They're all very respectful and will ask you first, respecting whatever boundary you set
Baxter being introduced into any of your family lives
Is certainly a sight
He's so out of place it's kind of funny
His family's more uptight and formal
So going to meet Derek's family and seeing the siblings bustle about and bicker, not quite caring about looking strange
Or seeing how much like a friend Cliff tries to be to Cove
or even the soft care your moms gave to you, and the teasing you took from Liz
Happy, loving, slightly chaotic families was not what Baxter was used to and it shows
He was hesitant to bring you three to meet his own family because of it
He wasn't even in very good contact with them himself
None of you pushed him on the matter
They weren't a big part of his life anymore, and honestly from some of the stories he's told?
You'd rather die than have to pretend to be that stuffy and pretentious
Derek and Cove cannot go five minutes without cuddling or holding hands
They're very touchy and affectionate with each other and it's not uncommon for you or Bax to come home or walk into the living room, and they're just tangled up together watching a movie and snacking
Cove and Bax love hearing you and Derek ramble
Whatever interests you at the moment, they'll listen to your voices for hours on end even of they have absolutely no chance of understanding it
If one of you seems really into something and it's sticking, they'll even do light research on their own
So they can be better conversation partners
And so that they can hear you talk more
It melts your heart when they do that for one of you
Or for each other
When the four of you are all cuddling together, Bax likes being the center of it the most
Nine times out of ten if you ask where he wants to be it's pressed against the three of you
Cove likes being on the outer edge, usually
He can get claustrophobic when he's surrounded on all sides, so he's probably on the side of the bed away from the wall too
Occasionally he's having a particularly clingy day and wants to be held by all of you, so long as one side of him (even just his back or front) is free
Derek's happy so long as he's holding a minimum of one person at all times
You can figure out where you'd place yourself in these cuddle piles <3
I can see Liz and Bax being a bit tense at first and you kinda think they hate each other
But when you ask one of them it's revealed that no they actually adore the banter between the two
Baxter and Derek have such potential between the two of them
The suave and semi-formal man and our beloved golden retriever
Derek would "con" the three of you into playing games together
One time it was a sport
That was the day
A.) You got to see Bax all sweaty, and that did things to you
B.) Bax almost passed out
He's not built for running or working out I'm sorry dude
Derek's generally very affectionate
Even just casually with an arm around you, he's always being touchy
Usually in the most innocent way
Usually
Cove likes less obvious PDA
Hand holding or brushing shoulders or even hugging
He doesn't like initiating kisses when you're out
Because he already spontaneously combusts when you do it
He can't fight down his flusterment when he knows other people could see him get embarrassed
Speaking of
He gets embarrassed easily
My man can give a kiss to a cheek and then will hide his blushing face in their chest
He gets a little better about it as time goes on
But he's still very shy
It's adorable <3
Baxter likes to hold you close to him, arm around your waist style
Almost like he's showing you off
Like any of the three of you
When you're out and about it's like he's showing you guys off to the world like
He's happy to call the three of you his <3
#💫 anon#please don't be afraid to ask for any polyam shit#just say the word and I'll provide#our life beginnings and always#cove holden#baxter ward#derek suarez#polyamory#closed relationship#headcanons#x reader#cove x reader#derek suarez x reader#baxter ward x reader
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Obligated to ask after seeing the hug and kiss stuff, what’s it like with the poly couples at the same time? And does their style change when kissing each-other for example?
[ Hug ask / kiss ask ]
I'm going to take this ask as general affection style since the preferences in hugging/kissing wouldn't really change. I think over time the style of affection for both the LIs and the Crown would develop to adjust to each other's preferences, though.
In an A/R/Crown relationship, an assertive Crown would take the lead on displays of affection in most cases. Not necessarily initiate more often, but guide the interaction more. If it's a passive Crown, then A would take on that role in the dynamic instead.
I think it'd be a very easy and relaxed exchange of affection among the three of them, since there wouldn't be many strong preferences. They'd be very open with each other whenever one of them needs more affection or attention. They'd pretty much spoil each other.
A/X/Crown is an interesting one. I could see X actually letting an assertive Crown take the lead here in most cases. Otherwise, with a passive Crown, X and A would mostly lead. X also tends to draw out A's more assertive side, so A would initiate more often too.
Their dynamic would be built on a very strong foundation of trust. They might not be as vocally expressive together as A/R/C, but they'd be attentive to each other's needs on a more intuitive level. Also, X loves showering their partners in physical affection, so there's that. A/Crown will never lack for cuddles or kisses.
X/D/Crown's dynamic, out of all the polyam pairings, depends the most on whether the Crown is passive or assertive.
A passive Crown would let D and X figure out who wants to initiate or lead during any given interaction, while the Crown would be content to go with the flow. It might also tone down D and X's intensity a bit since they wouldn't want to get carried away or overwhelm the Crown.
If the Crown is assertive, the dynamic would be kinda crazy I'm ngl. In a "no brakes on the car" sort of way. It'd also be a constant switch up on who's initiating or leading, even on a day-to-day basis. This is basically the opposite of an A/R/C dynamic - it's very intense lol.
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Hello, I hope this isn't an awkward or rude ask, feel free to ignore tho, but I've been tentatively interested in polyam, but more specifically being in a relationship with two partners I love and cherish. I've seen a lot of posts say that this isnt how polyam stuff works tho and I have no touch stone other than my own lovey dovey fantasies, but I know you're polyam and I figured I'd ask what I should think of and or expect out of a polyam relationship? How does it all work? I hope I explained what I mean well enough. Thank you for your time!
Hi! I'm assuming by the way you worded this you're talking about a triad, a relationship where you are dating two people and they're also dating each other.
I'm gonna go into a few points here
1. triads and their prevalence
2. unicorn hunting, what is it and why is everyone yelling
3. how to 'look for a 3rd' in a not-terrible way
4. a little something else about polyam relationship dynamics
Triads exist! But it's true that outsiders assume it's the standard, as you'll notice in pop culture most poly people are triads, and also here on tumblr as a fanfic trope it's also very prevalent.
But in reality triads are not too common simply for the sheer statistic probability. You have to find someone you like, they have to like you. You also have to find someone else you like who also likes you. Then that first person must also like your second person, and your second person must also like your first person! And then after all this, you have 3 relationships (you+b, you+c, b+c) and you still have to find a way to make the 4th relationship dynamic work (you+b+c). Personally, none of my partners or other people I was connected with, have dated other people I'd wanna date. It's usually people I think are cool, good looking and I want them in my life, but they're not people I wish to date. All triads I have spoken or read their stories have kind off stumbled into it. Usually someone was already dating person b, starts dating person c, and by happenstance person b and c do find this connection. So, it happens, it's great when it happens, but it's just not likely purely bc of chance.
2. When talking about this, I have to quickly get into unicorn hunters, because you will run into this term, and you have some overzealous polyam people who will throw this at any person walking into the scene (looking at you, certain message boards)
You might think allright, I'll start with finding my person B, and together we'll look around until we find someone we both like! And this is a fine idea, truly (*I am pushing a yelling crowd away at this point*) but there is a certain type of couple that have made this method veeeeery unpopular (and are responsible for like, 90% of the shit polyam people get online), and you have to make sure you're not those people, and then you'll be fine. This specific kind of couple is what people mean when they use the term unicorn hunters.
Scenario: You have a mono couple. Usually a straight man and a bisexual/curious woman. They decide they want to dip their toes into polyamory. No problems at this point, although going from mono to poly is a whole post on it's own. But the man doesn't want another man in the relationship, he like the idea of having two girlfriends though, and his girlfriend is interested in girls anyway, so let's look for a girlfriend for us both!
This girl they are looking for is what is jokingly refered to as a unicorn. Because they're looking for a bisexual woman (already a specific subgroup) who is poly (again, upping the rarity) who likes them both, equially, and who likes to be barraged by two complete strangers who are like "hey do you want to date us both or maybe have a threesome and see where is goes"
A lot of these couples can be to forward (hence the 'hunting' part), because they don't know the dynamics of the poly scene they walked in, but they're usually also not knowlegable about the basics of the queer scene. They're the couples that message lesbians, not seeing how that's fucked up. Often the girl will match with someone on lesbian tinder, who's often not even poly, mind you, and then go "by the way, this is my boyfriend, wanna have a threesome?"
If someone enters a relationship with those two, they're often treated as an assesory, lower on the ladder, and they're not allowed to date other people. It's pretty much universally a bad experience for the so called unicorn.
It's a stereotype sure, but it's a really fucking prevalent one and any poly person has run into them, every wlw, whether they're poly or not, will have to slap they away when they enter any online dating or even when just existing.
So that's why just being a couple looking for a 3rd, even if you're being perfectly respectful (which again, possible) will get an aggressive response in poly cirlces, because we all get the flak that's meant for those people. Lot's of people, especially again mono lesbians, don't even want to associate with me when they hear I'm poly bc of these people, while we get ecually harassed, but in their eyes, that's what poly people are, even though they're misbehaving tourists at best.
3. Now, I have talked about probability, what you shouldn't do, but this leaves the question, what should you do?
Firstly, take it easy, what needs to happen will happen. If you're interested in being polyam, just start with that. Dip your toes into the water without having a route or destination mapped out. If you get a better feel about how it is to be polyam and what the dynamics are like, it will be easier to figure out if being poly is something you want to really get into, and what you want from it. It's a learning process like anything is. Mono peoples first dating will differ wildly to the long term relationship they're in years later. It's just like that, again.
Practical, finding people. I recommend looking on poly specific dating websites. I met my current partner on feeld. The fun thing about feeld is that you can connect your current partners profile to yours. So you're matching people on your own, but you can be like: this is my other partner btw. Feeld is open for both people looking on their own, or couples. And people communicate in their bio what kind of thing they're after. You can also connect your partner for funsies without looking for a 3rd, the connected profiles I see are about 50/50.
There are other poly or poly-friendly apps but I have not tried them so you'll have to ask around about those!
tinder: If you make a profile for yourselves just start with saying you're poly in your bio. If people give you shit after you were clear from the start, that's they're problem and they're just being an ass. If you're dating on your own, I would also mention this so people don't think some 2nd person will jump in after you match. I have succesfully dated on tinder as a poly person. I mentioned that I was poly, that I was dating one other person and that we were not looking for people together. I didn't have any mishaps with that.
If you're dating and looking together: making a couple profile on tinder, I don't recommend, because again, people will take you for unicorn hunters even if you are not. If you're different genders you'll also get into the space of people who don't want to see you, like an m/f couple getting into a women only space. If you're a w/w couple or a m/m couple you can get into those spaces genreally, especially the mlm community is pretty open to open relationships (hehe) but be clear about what you're doing (start your bio with this) and leave people alone who aren't looking for poly/threesomes/whatever. People who are open to this will usually communicate this clearly. (I'm just talking about men and women here and not going into any kind of gender fluidity bc let's be real there's no dating website that has an ideal system in place when you're non-binary, so that's a bit of a case by case situation)
If you're dating and looking together nr. 2: Don't walk up to strangers in bars. Just don't do it. Plain. Simple. You can meet irl people, but don't do it with this intent.
4. about polyam dynamics.
When you get into poly dating, you'll discover more relation dynamics (I get into solo-poly and relationship anarchy here, look into that). You'll figure out that a hinge relationship, like this:
is also a relationship between 3 people. You're not all romantically involved, but all relationships (family/friends/romance) are equially worthwile, and sometimes the lines will blur. I have friends I love a bit, I have friends I have sex with, I have friends I'll never have sex with. I'll love a metamour (partner of my partner) for the love they give my partner, but I don't want to date them. Maybe someday I'll have a metamour I do want to date. You can also have 3 people who all are dating each other, but do it sperately and don't want to turn it into a relationship between all 3 of them together. You have people who form a family and live together, but not all of them date each other. You have people who'll always live alone regardless of the people they're dating; Everything is possible, if you just communicate clearly and have the maximum respect for everyone involved.
I hope this little 1.0.1 thing was a bit helpful to you, if you have any more questions feel free to ask. It's a wide subject that can (and has) filled entire books but I'll try to give an intro as good as I can
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why does dr coomer call you bubbygirl
I had to include gman you know how it is
#i just tjink we deserve bubby/gman content and by god if i have to shove it in your face via polyam bubby in boomer requests ... I Will#bubby#tommy coolatta#dr coomer#gman#boomer#gubby#i still dont know the gman/bubby/coomer name!#does that work#cats art#why does x call you babygirl#cats asks#hlvrai#half life vr self aware ai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#half life vr ai#dr bubby#professor bubby#doctor bubby#tommy
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