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foxymoxynoona · 1 year

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Tell Me What Changed (Pt. 9)

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else

Read on AO3 here or below cut

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Jungkook could not stop thinking about the air hockey game at the arcade. It brought him joy. Peace. He had never felt more confident in the truth that he loved Alex than he had the moment she ran up to him in front of the arcade. The moment she cried her way into his arms. The joy on her face when he convinced Tyler to let them back in. The way she dragged out the game.

And all because he’d waited. Even when she hadn’t shown up by the time the place closed, he’d been unable to make himself leave, so he’d just sat there in the cool night for a while, torn between feeling sorry for himself and wondering if she still might show up super late… and then she’d run across the parking lot into his arms!

Ok. He’d wait. No problem. For whatever it was she came around to, maybe just friendship again? Ok. Fine. He’d take whatever she would give him.

“Did you lose weight?” Jimin asked with a frown as he circled.

“No?” Jungkook looked down just as Jimin reached out and tugged at his waistband. He gestured to the tailor who came over and did the same. “I didn’t.”

“You’ve been working out a lot,” Namjoon said.

“No more than I used to.”

“Maybe it’s the stress.”

“I’m not stressed,” Jungkook assured them. “Are you stressed?” he asked Jimin.

“Yeah, I’m stressed as shit, don’t ask me that,” Jimin laughed. He looked at the tailor, who assured him, “He can tighten his belt, the pants don’t need to be taken in.”

“It was a joke,” Jungkook argued. Stressed was an understatement. Every minute of the wedding so far seemed to have been a battle Jimin and In’am fought against their parents. Honestly it was sad to see, not at all what Jungkook wanted for his friend around a thing he was so excited about. Jimin’s family was well off but not enough to pay for the caliber of wedding In’am’s parents wanted for their daughter. It wasn’t what In’am wanted either, so Jimin had suggested they elope, but she didn’t want that either. The last year of arguments between both families and the couple had covered everything from location, venue, food, guest list and size, style of dress, whether to serve alcohol, what sort of flowers, what time the whole thing should take place, and what sword Jimin would use to cut the cake since that wasn’t a Korean tradition and he didn’t just have a sword. Her family had not been amused when he asked if he could use his shinai from when he did Kendo. The arguments boiled down to whether the wedding was Egyptian or Korean until In’am apparently took all four parents to task (“it was really something to see; I feared for their lives and I think they did too”) that it was their wedding and they didn’t want any of their money if there were conditions attached to it.

Who was actually getting what they wanted, Jungkook couldn’t say. Weddings in general seemed like a lot of expensive fuss to him, though he was honored Jimin had asked him to be a groomsman along with Taehyung, his own brother, and one of In’am’s. And also happy just to do what he was told and when.

Jungkook shared a look with Taehyung as Jimin finally decided Jungkook’s pants were fine. When he turned away to worry about something else, Jungkook followed around him and began massaging his shoulders.

“Everything’s going to be fine, man.”

“One month left. People are flying in from Korea and Egypt and I don’t even know where else for this. Yesterday In’am’s father called me because he hasn’t seen a draft of the Moa’khar.”

“Ooh, what’s that?” Taehyung asked.

“Egyptians do these big marriage contracts, and that part is how much money I’d give her in the event of a divorce,” Jimin said. Practically shouted. “We have a prenup but he doesn’t need to see it! In’am had told him no Mahr –that’s the part of the dowry I pay to In’am, or maybe it’s both that and what I'd pay to her family? I get confused… Anyway, she said no Mahr, no Moa’khar and they agreed to that. Our pre-nup is separate, the contract we sign during the ceremony is more… spiritual,” Jimin explained. “Poetic. But then he starts asking me questions again, I think he was trying to trip me up. So In’am calls her mom, and get this, apparently In’s mom and my mom have been talking by themselves, because then Eomma calls me and wants to know if we should book belly dancers as a make-good with In’am’s family.”

With a sigh, he sank down onto the platform the tailor had put him on earlier to check the hem of his pants again.

“Make good for what?” Jungkook asked, looking at himself in the mirror. Had he lost weight? He didn’t think so. He wasn’t trying to and didn’t want to; actually he’d rather bulk up more. Maybe he really wasn’t eating enough, now that he spent less time cooking now that there was only himself to eat it. Before living with Namjoon, he’d never realized how many hours a week the guy worked. No wonder he had money, but when did he plan on spending it?

“For them not getting a lot of the things they wanted with this wedding, I guess,” Jimin shrugged. “Actually In’am’s brothers hired belly dancers for the reception. I told her because I didn’t think she’d appreciate any surprises and she was excited so that’ll be fun. Her bridesmaids got a bunch of scarves to give people to tie around their hips.”

“Belly dancers, huh?” Jungkook grinned. Taehyung snickered and threw a wadded up sock at him, but Jungkook wasn’t being creepy about random women, he was being creepy thinking about Alex belly dancing. She’d be cute. Sometimes it was hard to predict when she’d let go and when she’d be shy, but either way would be cute. He wondered what she was going to wear and if it would show off her tits. Black tie affair and all that.

“Hey, Alex didn’t change her RSVP, right?” he asked. He didn’t care that it was transparent to his friends at this point; they didn’t even raise eyebrows anymore, which he suspected meant they’d all just started to think he was a little pathetic but were too nice to say anything about it. He wasn’t sure he preferred that to when his friends thought he was stupid and in denial.

Jimin stood at the tailor's beckon and answered, “Nope, she’s good, I just talked to her yesterday.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, uh… she and Hoseok came over for dinner.”

“Ah. I didn’t realize you did that.”

“We haven’t much but In’am has invited them a few times and Alex always said no, but I guess she felt guilty about it because when they came over the first thing she said was ‘I swear I’m not avoiding you guys!’”

“She kinda was for a while though,” Taehyung insisted. Not only had she missed Jungkook’s birthday party, but also Namjoon’s and Jimin’s, though both were smaller celebrations. People had split up and done their own things, if anything, at Halloween, but she and Hoseok had done something else for that too.

“Yeah but don’t hold that against her,” Jungkook defended. “I think she just felt bad about…”

“That was business with you though, not with us,” Taehyung argued.

“I know but she used to worry that you guys were only friends with her because of me,” Jungkook ratted her out.

“What?!”

“That’s insane,” Taehyung gasped. “We like her way more than we like you.”

“Yeah, I know, thanks!” Jungkook laughed. “And you know, she runs away from conflict sometimes. A lot of times. But that’s good she was hanging out with you again. It was good to see her at the arcade so maybe that means things are, you know, calming down.” He shrugged to look indifferent.

Taehyung snickered, “Yah, he’s told us about the arcade how many times now?”

“I’ve seen the picture at least three times.”

“No! I did not. Shut up.”

The tailor left Jimin alone to change, but first Jimin came to Jungkook and put his hand on his shoulder and said more gently, “They’re still together though, you know.”

“No, I know. It’s fine. I’m glad she’s happy. That’s fine, it just sucks that our friend group got all fucked up so it’ll be good if we can go back to the way things were. I mean, in some ways,” Jungkook assured them.

A beat, and then: “It’s weird how differently he talks about things now, huh?” Taehyung asked and Jungkook realized belatedly the question was aimed at Jimin, as if Jungkook wasn’t even there. “I think our baby Jungkookie is growing up.”

“Yeah, I think so too! It’s crazy to see.”

“Hey now. No I didn’t! Don’t call me boring! I’ll embarrass you at the wedding.”

“You better fucking not! Get it all out at the bachelor party.”

“But what about all these beautiful women who will be at the wedding?”

“You’ve met them all,” Jimin insisted.

“Have I though? Not all of them,” Jungkook insisted, wiggling his eyebrows. Jimin and Taehyung laughed. But it all sounded hollow to Jungkook, even his own jokes. It was like they knew he was not likely to pick up any women at the wedding. Maybe he would. Why not? Maybe he should. Especially if Alex was there with Hoseok. Did waiting mean not having sex in case that made her think he had lost interest? Or was it better for him to go back to picking up women because it could distract him, especially if she might not ever decide to give him a chance?

Well, whatever. He’d play it by ear. Maybe that bridesmaid would be down again, she’d been fine. He’d see how bad it hurt to watch Alex all dressed up dancing with Hoseok. Would he get a dance with her again like that night at salsa? No, probably not…

Suit fitting done, they packed up and headed back to Jimin’s car.

“Let’s go do something,” Jungkook suggested.

“Uh… right now? Like what?”

“I don’t know.” Taehyung and Jimin both looked at him like he was crazy. “Come on, we’re always so busy, let’s go… do…”

“Ooh wanna go to the indoor golf–”

“No,” Jungkook and Jimin said together, and then laughed at Taehyung’s pout.

“Jimin chooses, he’s the one with the wedding in a month,” Jungkook suggested.

“Let’s get some food,” Jimin suggested, which Jungkook was glad to hear, because the wedding diet talk had seemed a little too much to him lately. “And then we can shoot some hoops? You want to?”

“Yeah!”

“I’ll do it for you,” Taehyung conceded, pressing his hand to his chest.

“I’m glad you’re feeling up for it,” Jimin said to Jungkook as they carefully placed their suits in the trunk. “You stopped hanging out almost as much as Alex did for a while there…”

“I hung out sometimes!”

“Yeah sometimes but not like you used to,” Taehyung pointed out. “We almost thought you had a girlfriend. I didn’t because you play way too many video games with me but–”

“How do you know I just don’t have a really cool girlfriend who likes video games?”

They both laughed at him.

“Ok fine. No girlfriend. I just took some time to chill. It’s good. You should try it sometime,” he nudged Jimin.

“Yeah, on my honeymoon.”

“Noooo that’s not what a honeymoon is for!” Taehyung cried. “You’re supposed to be fucking!”

“Yeah, we’ll sleep after.”

“You sleep after?! I just go all night,” Taehyung grinned.

Jimin grimaced, “Ooh, you must not be doing it right then. It ought to put you out.”

Their banter made Jungkook smile and he was grateful for the spotlight to leave him again. He knew his friends had worried about him and offered whatever comfort they could in their own ways, and that he’d been mostly numb to it. He hadn’t wanted to admit how badly he was hurting. He was embarrassed he’d told everyone about getting rejected. And mostly he was just really sad. Really sad. A kind of sadness he didn’t really know to deal with.

But that evening at the arcade had changed something. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt it, so he wasn’t surprised that Jimin and Taehyung were noticing something different in him. He thought they might be misunderstanding and thinking he was “over it” now or something. He wasn’t! But he felt like his and Alex’s souls had connected just during that short time hanging out in a way they hadn’t for a long time. The mixture of regret and grief and longing wasn’t gone, but it was easier to co-exist with suddenly. He needed at least occasional contact with Alex for nourishment, and maybe this meant they could ease back into that now. He’d see her at the wedding. Maybe they could be friends again. That was healing. He had hope for that.

Plus Mama Song had said his dream probably meant –not a dream about Alex, but she’d been at Eomma’s when he went home a few days ago and she’d asked him if had any interesting dreams lately and then said it sounded like he was dreaming about springtime and rebirth of something lost. He liked that. He also found it really weird that their parents didn’t seem to think anything was weird about Alex moving out of the apartment and them not coming over for family dinner at the same time anymore but no one was asking him about it. So he was just going to do what he did best for now and play dumb.

“Where are we going to shoot hoops?”

“Yoongi knows a place, I’ll call him while we eat,” JImin said. “Can we really do this? Just play for an afternoon?”

Taehyung glanced back at Jungkook and agreed, “Yeah, we have to do this, you’re right. Between the divorce and wedding, we’re all boring and worn out.”

“Namjoon’s divorce was years ago,” Jungkook pointed out.

“Your divorce, dumbass.”

“Ohhhhh hey let’s not call it my divorce…” He suspected that would not go over well with Alex. Even if it felt kind of right.

“Do you think being divorced improves or damages your game?”

“Seems to be doing ok for Namjoon.”

“Yeah I can’t believe he asked for a +1 this close to the wedding. In’am told him yes but there was murder in her eyes,” Jimin snickered. “I think we’ll be doing great if we get through this wedding without my wife committing homicide.”

“See? This is why me and Sabina are going to elope.”

“Are you?!” Jimin gasped.

Taehyung gasped too, “No no not yet! Don’t slam on the breaks, you’ll get butt-bumped!”

“Read ended,” Jungkook laughed. “Butt-bumped?”

“We’ve just talked about it and agreed. Not yet though. Promise I won’t propose at your wedding, it’s not my style.”

Jimin’s phone buzzed as he pulled into the parking lot of a lunch place, “Ah, good, we’re on for hoops with Yoongi after this. Good idea, Jungkook. It’s been a stressful few months, it’ll be fun just to do something like that.”

And of that was the set up for Jimin breaking his nose four weeks before his wedding.

Alex could not stop thinking about the air hockey game at the arcade.

The fight with Hoseok had been unpleasant, but they’d made their apologies and moved past it. That was fine. She felt like she’d shown him something ugly in herself but he didn’t seem to think so, so ok, they were good again. Neither of them wanted to dwell on it so they didn’t. They’d had plenty of sex, snuggles, and pleasant times in the two weeks since then. They’d gone to dinner with Jimin and In’am. They’d done karaoke with Taehyung, Sabina, and Seokjin.

Hoseok had invited her to go home with him for Thanksgiving and she had agreed! Why not! He’d met her family! That was the sort of thing you did when things were going well with your boyfriend!

She had tried to blame the residual thinkies on Hoseok at first, and fear for her relationship after such a rough day and her own exposed lies but no, that couldn’t be it. Everything there was once again smooth. She wasn’t even that stressed about meeting his family! Maybe it was naivety because everything had gone so well so far, and he was confident that would go well, so why shouldn’t she be?

There was something sad always on her shoulder now, knowing the arcade was closed. She’d tried blaming it on that. She drove past the mall on her way to work from her parents’ house now and so she constantly saw the aged outline of the sign that had been ripped off the exterior. No more arcade, just the ghost of one, and all those memories tucked into a past she’d tried to close herself off from in an attempt to…

To what?

It wasn’t that she couldn’t answer. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to think about her time with Jungkook at the arcade because every time she did, something inside her fractured. She didn’t want to remember that his smile had been for her when she’d come running up; he’d waited without even knowing if she was still coming! And that haunted her, that he waited. She didn’t want to remember how cool it was when he got them one last game. She didn’t want to remember their last game, and the lazy click of the puck as neither of them tried to end the game. Of course it felt like they were the only two people in the world. The arcade was closed! They were the only ones!

“My parents don’t mind for us to stay in the same room,” Hoseok was telling her. “So we’ll just stay at their house and save on the hotel since the flights were expensive. Sorry about that… I don’t usually go home for Thanksgiving so I didn’t think about it.”

“It’s fine,” she assured him. “I’m not paying rent right now so I’m just rolling in dough.” He grinned and continued on about what they’d do while they were there. His parents had only gotten into American Thanksgiving in a big way in the last few years as they got more involved in a local church, and the collection of food wouldn’t be only American Thanksgiving dishes, and Hoseok had actually only been once, but he said it was a nice time with his family, who were fun and festive people. They were big on Black Friday shopping so they joked it was a nourishment ceremony before the next day and an excuse to get the family together. Hoseok’s mom was the sort of woman who said “We are very fortunate; we should celebrate every day of thanks in any culture.”

They sounded wonderful. Alex recognized how grown up it was that she’d be getting on a plane and flying home with her boyfriend to meet his family. And while she knew she ought to be nervous, she honestly wasn’t. Hoseok’s family sounded great. Probably she’d get along with them just fine since Hoseok thought so. Or maybe she was nervous and that’s why she felt so weird lately and she just didn’t understand her own feelings! It wouldn’t be the first time that was true!

“I’m really excited,” he beamed, the truth of it shining through his smile. Alex returned his smile and hoped he didn’t notice the slight hollowness to it. He didn’t seem to. He pulled to a stop in front of her parent’s house and leaned in to kiss her; she pressed her fingers to his cheek to keep him from lingering in case her parents or neighbors were watching.

“Me too,” she belatedly assured him, then poked his dimples. He was cute. He was so fucking cute and nice and handsome and sweet and thoughtful.

She slammed the door a little too hard and waved as he pulled away, then took her time stomping across the yard. Baba was slow on the leaves this year and her brother wasn’t here to help. Mama had said they should just hire someone this year but Baba was being stubborn.

She needed to pack.

She sat in the middle of her bed, clothes spilled around her all over the room. She always hated packing for things, even things she looked forward to. And she was looking forward to this! She was! Meeting Hoseok’s family was the next step in her perfect relationship with an amazing guy, it was romantic, it was so fucking great!

Baba walked past her room with his sweatpants and sweatshirt on and Alex leapt up.

“Baba! Are you going for a walk? Wait for me, I’ll come too!”

“Oh, Alex, yes, ok.” He looked surprised but also like it was faked; she suspected he had hoped she would join but didn’t want to ask. Two peas in a pod, they’d been called. Copy paste. She wasn’t sure that was always flattering, but could admit to herself it was true. She minded less as she got older. She didn’t care about waiting to be asked right now though, she was psyched for a reason to delay packing, and grabbed her coat and met him at the front door.

“The leaves are out of control, Baba,” she complained as they hiked through them to get to the sidewalk.

“Yes… your brother isn’t here to help me this year, you know. Maybe I will ask Jungkook and Jin-hyun to help an old man. Should I?”

“Why don’t you just hire someone?” Alex countered. “They’ll come through with their leaf blowers and big tarps and have the whole yard spotless in like an hour.” She shoved her hands into her pockets as a nippy wind blew right through the curtain of her hair, no protection at all. At least she had a hat but she should have bought a scarf. Baba was tougher against the cold than she was, clearly, but looked cute and serious about his walk with his matching sweatsuit and the Packers hat with a bright pompom on the top.

But Baba made a face, “No, I don’t want every leaf gone. Where will the bees and butterflies sleep in the winter? They need some of the leaves, I read it.”

“Uh huh.”

“And to have a yard… it’s my yard, it’s my job. It is a blessing to have a yard you can break your back working in.”

“Don’t break your back, Baba! It’s a blessing to have money to pay someone else to do it.”

“I won’t break my back, I’m not that old,” he teased. “I was being dramatic. I learned it from my daughters.”

“Sexist.”

Baba chuckled and continued, “Before this house you know we lived in a little apartment. My whole life I lived in little apartments. When we bought this house I felt like a millionaire to have so much space! I watched you three grow up in this yard with your soccer balls and your,” he gestured his hands turning over, “somersaults and your snowsuits. I take care of the yard with my own hands and say thank you to the house for all it gives us.”

“Yeah but isn’t hiring yard guys like sending the house to a fancy spa?” Alex countered which made him laugh again. Baba’s laughter was healing, always. To make him laugh again, she asked, “Why do you like the Packers, Baba? We don’t live in Green Bay. I don’t even know where Green Bay is.”

“Michigan. Didn’t I send you to school?”

“Yeah but I didn’t pay attention,” she joked.

“You paid attention. Only one of my children paid attention in school,” he chuckled. “But it’s ok.”

“Is it? Even though none of your children are lawyers or doctors or even married with children?”

Baba’s face went a little slack as he asked, “Did I teach you that’s what I want? I want my children to be happy. If being a lawyer with a lot of money is happy, that’s one way. If that’s making the best drinks at the Starbucks and dating a nice man, that’s good too. If that’s riding around on a bike with the ladies in Italy– yes, I know what your brother is doing there! I am old, I’m not a fool!”

“He is very happy though,” Alex snickered.

“The world is very different to me. I think it is easy as a parent– you want the best things for your children. You think the best thing for them is the same best thing for you,” Baba said and Alex kept quiet because this felt far more profound and meaningful than what she had expected on a walk. Usually they just roasted the neighbors’ ugly ass dogs and heckled any cats peeking out of windows and fantasized about what they wanted Mama to cook for dinner.

“Very long ago I realized I can want one thing for them or I can let my children tell me what they want. Maybe I worry that they are choosing something that isn’t what is the best thing for them, but is my choice better? Maybe it is better here, you have more money, you have insurance and you can buy a house, but is it better over there? Are you happy? Maybe my children will resent me in old age because we did not push more this way or that. It’s nice to do this though. My parents did not act like this for me. I know they loved me but I did not go on walks with them because I wanted to.” He smiled at her, and his roundabout way of saying how much he enjoyed their walks together made her tear up a little.

“I think you did everything really good,” Alex insisted. “And I really appreciate that you let me move back home. I know it’s a burden to be feeding me and–”

“My children are never a burden,” Baba corrected. “So say the same thing when I am old and feeble.” Alex laughed and nodded. “We worked very hard all the time to make a home our children can return to. You know in China, sometimes you live together as a family forever. I think that’s nice! Hoseok can move in too!”

“Um… probably not,” she giggled.

“Ok… maybe someday,” he winked. “I think we are happy.”

“Yeah.”

“Also none of my children had the grades for medical school.”

“Baba!”

“Can you see anyone doing the bar test for law? Not me! Do not try to climb a mountain that is not for you to climb, that’s the secret to happy,” Baba laughed, loud and proud of his teasing.

“But what if it’s not always obvious what the right mountain to climb is,” Alex demanded. “Then what?”

“Ah.”

“You’re an old man, it’s easy for you to look back at all the mountains you climbed and say which ones were right and which you should have skipped, but I’m young and stupid, Baba. if you know the mountains to climb to be happy, I’m ready for you to tell me now.”

“You are not happy?” He didn’t look at her when he said it, so it didn’t feel like a real question. It felt like one he already knew the answer to.

“I am.”

“Ok then.”

“And I’m also not.”

He nodded and looked over when a neighbor’s dog barked but didn’t interrupt to point out they’d given the dog a very stupid haircut. Alex would have appreciated the distraction because honestly she wasn’t sure what to say about her personal unsettled state. She couldn’t even speak honestly with herself about anything right now, she thought that was a core problem. And as much as she loved her parents, she didn’t usually go to them with personal problems of this sort. Not that she’d had many boy problems in the past. But that wasn’t the sort of thing you talked to your Dad about!

“I should be happy,” she said, vaguely. “Literally everything is going so well for me right now. I’m saving up money living at home. I have a great boyfriend and I'm going to meet his family in a couple of days. I love my job and I just got a small raise.”

“You did! Alex, I am so proud of you, they don’t pay you enough, you are the best worker they have,” he gloated, clapping her on the shoulder.

“Ok I mean it was like another quarter an hour, but thanks, Baba.”

“And you do not feel happy? That’s ok. Maybe it is hard to go home when you live free and partied for years.”

Alex’s mouth twitched as she debated what to say, then decided, “It’s definitely different. Not that I was partying all the time! But it’s kind of weird figuring out how to act because I’m under your roof but I’m also a grown up… but it’s not even really that. I mean I do miss living with Jungkook. A lot. We had a lot of fun living together but…”

“Sometimes things change,” Baba offered when she trailed off.

“Yeah. Things changed. I met this amazing guy and Hoseok is just great and dating him is easy and wonderful. I feel like I’m moving forward in life. But sometimes things don’t change, or people don’t change– or how do you know they’ve changed just because they say so? Do you trust your experience or what they’re saying?”

Baba raised his eyebrows like this was a question above his pay grade. She realized she was being too vague to probably get any useful advice, if Baba even had any to give. Mama had been his first and only love as far as Alex knew. They’re married young and while she didn’t have any delusion that life had always been easy for them, they were still happy and together after all this time, close, romantic, supportive. Best friends. So clearly they had chosen the right mountain to climb. Or the right person to climb the mountain with. Or whatever.

She sighed and decided not to say anything more. It would just be weird and confusing even if she could figure out how to articulate it. But how could she explain the feelings to Baba when she didn’t even understand them herself?

No. Worse than that.

She did understand them.

She just didn’t want to.

She didn’t want to look at how fucked up it was that she’d been ready to tear her boyfriend to shreds because she had wanted to spend time with her ex-best friend so badly. That in fact she’d lied about it.

She didn’t want to look at the red flag planted in how fast her heart had raced when she’d seen Jungkook stand up from that curb, still waiting for her. And how instantly she’d been soothed by his arms around her. And how blissfully content she had been idly knocking a puck back and forth with him in an empty arcade. She didn’t want to think about how she always hoped she and Baba would run into him visiting his parents and what it meant to want his attention so badly –not just as a victory that finally he realized she was a women just like all the other ones he fucked, but because she, pathetically, wanted his attention just as much as they did. The same kind of attention and more. Because she wanted all the other things with him too: the closeness, the grossness, the teasing and bickering and competing, the comfort. Life with him had been so close to perfect except for that whole part where he had no romantic or sexual interest in her. She wanted romantic and sexual interest– no, she needed that! She deserved that! And Hoseok gave her that! How could she truly tell if Jungkook suddenly said he did have those feelings? It wasn't like he’d been secretly thinking dirty thoughts about her all these years they’d been friends, she would have known!

She didn’t want to admit how badly she wished it was true. All of Jungkook? She could have all of him? She could be everything for him? He wanted that? It was hard to imagine and yet she had worked hard not to imagine it many times before. At times it had been a real struggle to enforce that friendship boundary and not read too much into every little interaction but over time she’d gotten so good at rejecting that longing that it finally shut up. All the women he fucked had made it easier in some ways. It was easier to box up the longing when constantly reminded that it was a dead end. You were never an option.

And now what? Jungkook was many things, but he’d never been a liar, not to her. She’d always known when he was lying. It didn’t feel to her like he had been lying. Even if he was dating Anita now, which she had been too chicken shit to ask for confirmation from him or any of their friends, even if that was true, it didn’t mean he was lying. People dated someone even when someone else had their heart all the time.

It could happen to anyone.

But it couldn’t be true.

But he had risked and lost everything, he wouldn’t have done that if he meant it. Unless he really didn’t care about her at all!

But Jungokok moved quickly from loss to victory; he wouldn’t linger at the site of a failure for no reason.

But he had dragged that air hockey game out too. He was lingering. Wasn’t he? She had tried not to linger. She never wanted to linger in her life over a guy who didn’t linger back; she’d made that rule for herself very young while watching her friends lose their fucking heads over idiot boys. She wouldn’t be one of them! And Jungkook was such an idiot boy!

God, he was so stupid. His timing was so bad. If he had said these things to her six months ago, then what? Would she have believed him then…?

But it hadn’t been true!

It was too much to look at. She couldn’t. Looking at that was like looking at the sun; she was perpetually drawn to it and yet it burned her eyes so she should not.

What if when she had asked him to go to the wedding with her, he had said yes?

But he hadn’t! He had said an emphatic no! He had launched her into someone else’s arms and then suddenly regretted it? It was possible but fucked up! So stupid! And then what, he expected her to just drop her happiness because he changed his band? He’d said go find someone else and then no wait not like that!

Ok that really did seem like something stupid Jungkook would do…

The timing didn’t matter. Maybe the timing was the gift of all this, that she had not had to make this decision before she understood that someone else wonderful was out there who could recognize her and love her much faster, who didn’t make her work for his attention, who presented a clear and stable and happy future. Hoseok was a man! Jungkook was a child! They had been children together and now she wanted to grow up and–

But maybe he wanted to grow up with her too? Maybe he would? He was changing too. She’d felt that at the arcade. She’d felt that at the phone store. Honestly, she felt it in the way he hadn’t been texting her, harassing her to come back, drunk-dialing her, going out of his way to make sure she knew he was still getting mad pussy. When she moved out, he’d given her that shockingly mature speech, and dinner, and left her alone. He had changed.

But was it permanent? Was it enough? Was it what was best for her?

“You are very quiet,” Baba mused. “Are you tired already?”

“It’s just that there’s a cozy and familiar mountain that I care about a lot but I understood a long time ago it didn’t have a path for me,” Alex said. “And maybe that mountain doesn’t go anywhere anyway. It may not even be a very tall mountain, I don’t know! And this other mountain is perfect, it’s paradise, the path is easy and wonderful. But now maybe that other mountain does have a path… but I don’t know what that path is like and I’m already on a really nice easy happy path…”

Baba didn’t say anything. Probably this didn’t even make sense to him. Metaphors weren’t her strong point and this was an awkward thing to talk to your dad about.

“But I can’t stop looking back at the other mountain,” she murmured. “And wondering where that path goes… But it would be so stupid to leave this perfect, beautiful, wonderful adult mountain for a mountain that didn’t even think of letting me climb until I was on another mountain.”

She interrupted herself with a sigh and decided to stop rambling about this to her dad who likely did not want to think about his daughters having boy problems to begin with, much less climbing boy mountains.

Shortly after her father gave a similar sigh, “Ah, I want the easy life for my children. Didn’t you listen to my nice speech? I was a good father saying all those things! I told you easy is not necessarily happy. You can choose which you want. Only you choose the right mountain for you. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks looking at the mountains. You think your mama is Mount Tai? No. But to me she is the only mountain worth the climb.”

“So you do know I’m talking about boys.”

“I know you are talking about the boys.”

“I had hoped my metaphor was confusing enough.”

“Yes it’s confusing but I know your mind sometimes,” he teased.

“So then tell me what to do.”

“Hm…. no.” He grinned.

“Babaaaa.”

“Ask Mama, she will tell you what to do.”

“I don’t really want someone to tell me what to do,” she admitted. “I just want to see into the future. I want to know for sure how it all turns out.”

“Yes, it’s easy to take the risk if you already know everything!” he laughed.

“There’s risk no matter what I do,” she complained. “No matter what I do, I lose something.”

Baba nodded, “Yes that is true. You lose this, you gain that.”

“But how do I decide which risk is worth it? I could risk everything and wind up with nothing,” she pointed out. There wasn’t actually any guarantee she and Hoseok would last a lifetime. Just like there was no certainty that Jungkook really meant what he thought he meant.

“You will always have something,” he corrected gently. “You have me and Mama. You have your brother and sister. You have a home you can come to. If no mountains you see right now are right, you can walk with me until you see a mountain that is. Maybe you don’t even like mountains.”

“Baba! Do you mean I’m gay?!”

“No no! I mean maybe you want to die alone!”

“Baba!”

“In a happy way!”

“BABA!”

She was laughing too hard the more flustered he got trying to explain himself. It was hysterical. Finally he calmed down enough to clarify,

“You don’t need a boy, Alex. Boys are too much trouble. Even your brother is trouble. It’s ok to live at home forever, I don’t mind.”

“Thank you, Baba. But I hope I don’t die alone. I want what you and Mama have.”

“Really? You think we are cool?”

“Not at all,” she teased. “But you’re happy and in love even though you’ve been together for a hundred years.”

“Yes,” he grinned. His face always lit up when he talked about her mom. The words didn’t even matter, they were always infused with so much love. She wanted that. A lifetime of that. One of these trouble boys had treated her that same way since the moment they met. The answer was so obvious!

Hoseok!

And yet.

Would it just take time for that ‘and yet’ to settle down and for her to accept the mountain was behind her and the path likely unstable and possibly not very long and also probably full of stinging nettles and bears and vultures and–

Ok she might have lost the metaphor now.

Suddenly Baba laughed and pointed, “Look at those ugly twins, all they do is yap. Why do you get those dogs?”

“Baba, you’re so mean,” she laughed. “You should get a dog!”

“Not like that one!”

“Ok what kind of dog do you want. Let’s talk about that now. Dogs are better than mountains.”

“Dogs are better than mountains,” Baba agreed. “I want a big dog. Big. He can sit in the window and scare people away. Mama will say no…”

It was pure coincidence he saw them leaving. He had agreed to help Appa with the leaves in their yard since another layer had fallen on top of the ones he’d already mulched. Jin-hyun had declined to help since Claudia was now a week overdue. The baby was getting evicted on Friday “whether he likes it or not” apparently. Because of that, they’d all decided not to drive to visit his grandparents and the rest of his family this year and would just crash the celebration the Songs hosted. Alex’s parents invited basically anyone who looked unattached to a big pot luck and it was lots of fun. The couple of years his family joined instead of traveling, he’d thought it was more fun than his own family’s celebration; they didn’t really “celebrate” so much as take advantage of the time off from work to get together and hang out, which was fine but not quite as cinematic.

As he raked leaves into a pile to bag, Hoseok’s nice blue car drove past with Alex in the passenger’s seat. He waved but they must not have seen him and they continued on.

When he and Appa finally went inside to take a break, Eomma had cool water waiting for him in the kitchen and a tray of snacks. Appa took his and went to sit in the living room but Jungkook lingered in the kitchen to see if his mom would volunteer any gossip.

She never disappointed.

“How is the yardwork going?”

“It’s good. We’re almost done I think.”

“Good, when you’re done with that you should go see if Mr. Song wants any help. He still needs to do his yard before the party Thursday.”

“What, Alex isn’t helping him?” he joked.

“No she can’t I guess. She’s flying away today.”

“Wha? Flying?”

“Yes, Hoseok is taking her home with him. His family is in… hm…”

“San Francisco.”

“Yes, San Francisco.”

He sipped his water and tried to look like he didn’t care.

So Hoseok was taking her home? She’d bought a plane ticket to go. Things must be going well for them then. He wondered if Hoseok had paid for her ticket. She must be excited to do that; she’d always wanted to go to San Francisco.

“Yes? Do you feel fine about that?” Eomma asked. “You forgot to stop drinking. Don’t choke on the ice!”

Jungkook gave a noisy satisfied sound like he’d just been really thirsty and set the glass down, “Yes, thanks Eomma. That’s some good water.”

“Gukka?”

“Eomma?”

“Everything is all right?”

“Yes, why? What do you mean?”

Eomma shrugged and went back to shaving the potatoes. He thought she was making kimchi pancakes for dinner and felt happy about that. Those were all the feelings he needed.

So she hadn’t felt any particular way then about the arcade. He’d imagined that connection. Or it was just friendly to her. Or it was really nothing.

“I may just stay home with Namjoon on Thursday, so don’t say I’m going to the dinner,” he decided.

“You don’t go just because Alex won’t be there?”

“Why does that matter? She has a boyfriend.”

Eomma’s eyebrows raised, “Oh you only want to see her when she doesn’t have a boyfriend? Are you still jealous to share her attention?” The casual teasing was a little too pointed for his comfort.

“Nah, it’s fine.”

“What happened then? She moved home, her parents say they don’t know why. I don’t know why. You and Alex aren’t saying anything so I guess it’s something serious.”

Jungkook frowned, “No, don’t ask questions about it.”

“Then why did she move home?”

“Our lease was up.”

“Gukka,” she scowled, then lifted her hand and pressed it to his cheek, holding him in place while she looked at him. He hated the scrutiny of her stare but could never leave when she did that. “Ah. I see.”

“What do you see?” he glared and crossed his arms and leaned against the counter after stealing a carrot. He didn’t actually want the carrot but he wanted something in his hand, something between his teeth.

“You realized you love her too late.”

“Damn.”

“Ha, yes?”

He sighed and nodded and chewed the carrot with all the strength of his jaw.

“A mother always knows these things,” she said.

“You could have told me.”

“I tried! But you never want to listen to your eomma, either one of you! You have a big heart and a big brain, Gukka, but they never work together. I’m glad to hear this though. It’s good; she’s a good girl. She’s good for you. If I was going to choose your wife, I would choose her.”

“Really?” Jungkook asked around the masticated carrot. It was all he could choke out, and choke he did, because the reference to marriage was something he hadn’t been prepared for.

“Yes! Smart, funny, beautiful, she takes care of you, she makes you slow down, sometimes you even listen to her! She’s stubborn though, that is her flaw.”

“Yeah, she is that,” Jungkook chuckled.

“Both of you! So headstrong, so sure you’re right. You can take the punches with each other but I always wondered, which of them will say something first? Too much pride, ego…”

“Say something about…”

“Love. But then years went by and you were both too comfortable. Nobody was going to say it. Something had to change or you two would be like that forever and maybe that’s ok but maybe it wasn’t enough.”

“It was enough for me,” he insisted. “I would have been happy–”

“It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for her and it wasn’t enough for you. All the women you chase, Gukka…”

“Eomma! What do you know about that,” he scowled.

“Yes, a mother knows! My son is popular, that’s good but it’s not enough.”

“It had to be enough. She’s not interested in more than that with me, so, fine. That’s all. That’s why she moved out, because I told her how I felt and let her choose and she chose the other guy.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head. He would have felt less defeated by this conversation a day ago, but the knowledge she was off to see Hoseok’s family dragged him down. He felt what little hope had flickered to life now snuffed out.

“You know what I think?” she asked.

He didn’t want to hear it actually but wouldn’t be rude and pressed, “What?”

“I think you are impatient. You took so long to figure it out? Now you have to be patient. You love a stubborn woman and she has to realize you are the best man she could have.”

“If that’s true,” he mumbled.

“It is true.” Eomma set everything down and he knew he was in for it. “You are smart, you are funny, you are kind. You make everyone smile, all the way back when you were a little boy. You are good at everything you try, it was very hard on your brother! You work hard, you try to help everyone. You are such a good son, you come here and help your father with the leaves. You are strong and handsome and you have good hair and good skin now, you will age well like your father.”

“Thanks, Eomma,” he said, trying to let the compliments brush off him because they embarrassed him. She was his mom, of course she saw the best in him. But he was selfish too, short-sighted, overly competitive, blunt when he should be soft, soft when he should be strong. He took jokes too far and struggled to be serious about things he didn’t care about, especially if caring about it inconvenienced him. He worked hard but then he was lazy. He was thoughtful until he forgot stuff. She was right that he was stubborn and impatient. He was good at lots of things but not great at anything and he wasn’t sure that working at a phone store was that impressive although he made ok money and was a good employee. He was dedicated to his hobbies, though good luck finding a girl impressed with his gaming skills. Although Alex was.

“You are a good man,” Eomma said, taking hold of his arms. “I raised the best men with the best hearts and the best minds. Alex knows you are the best but it’s hard for a girl when the boy they like doesn’t notice them. You have to give her time to decide if she can forgive you.”

“I won’t hold my breath. Hoseok is everything she wants so I think she’s good now,” he shrugged her off, then decided to hug her instead, “But thanks, Eomma.”

“Hoseok is a nice boy but he is not you so, we will see. I know what I think will happen but ok, you don’t want to listen to me. Tell Appa dinner will be ready at six. He already knows, but tell him anyway. Sometimes you have to be like that with people.”

Jungkook took the hint but knew also that it was too late. He was fucking bummed now. Even his own mom knew he was an idiot, and while her blind devotion was sweet, it didn’t change the painful words he’d just said out loud: Hoseok was everything Alex wanted and he didn’t need to be forgiven for anything. Apparently she was happier with the changes she’d made for him, and good for her. He was glad she was happy. He would have been gladder if it was with him. But it wasn’t.

Ok. Time to let her go now? Wait a little longer? How long? Rebound? Fuck around? Find out? Maybe he ought to shock everyone and actually give dating a try. He didn’t believe for a second there was another Alex out there, she was one in seven billion, but there must be a second banana somewhere, right? Was he ready for that? He wasn’t so sure. He thought Alex was the only woman worth the effort of a relationship, but maybe he should try. Maybe he’d just aimed too high with Alex. Maybe this heartbreak was the thing that changed him into a better person.

Was he doing an ok job seeming like he was ok? Was he hiding that the loss of Alex ripped him apart right down to the core? He felt like he’d overslept and missed the flight that would take him to a happy life and now he was stuck with this one. And without Alex, it was lonely, sad, and lacking in purpose. He felt like he was slowly bleeding to death.

And people did this over and over? Lots of relationships? Insane. People were insane. Or maybe people just didn’t connect as deeply as he had with Alex. They’d fused together. She’d taken half his blood, half his oxygen, half his heart, and more than her half of the braincell they shared. Unfair!

Jokes. Jokes were all he had right now. Jungkook was the biggest joke of all.

He went to finish the leaves and then go see if Baba Song needed help with his before he went home to listen to sad songs and have a little cry.

“... please close tray tables and return your seats to their upright position…”

Alex pushed the button but had to tug the back of her seat to get it upright. Her actions were too sharp; she must have seemed frustrated because Hoseok laughed and helped her while shoving the magazine he’d been reading back in the seat pocket. He was the kind of guy who did that –not perusing through Sky Mall, which was the kinda guy Alex was, but buying magazines in the airport he could perch in his seat and flip through, commenting on skincare products and bag adverts and showing her salacious write-in advice columnists.

Alex felt sick. She’d felt sick the whole flight. Hoseok had asked if she got air sick and delicately passed a barf bag to her, but it wasn’t that. She’d wrestled to get the air vent to nail her in the head with a stream of arctic air but then it kept rustling her hair which made her want to scream so she had to move it off and just sweat.

Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong this was wrong.

Hoseok grinned and learned around her to see out the window as the plane began its descent and pressed his hand over hers on the arm rest between them. It felt like a metal claw to her, trapping her there. Handcuffing her in place. The flimsy plane seatbelt felt like an iron chain. She closed her eyes as the adjustment in altitude made her head spin, and wished that was all that was making her stomach twist in knots. She wished she got air sick.

They were near the back of the plane because they’d bought their tickets late. The wait to deplane was excruciating. Alex couldn’t even fidget looking at her phone. Her palms were so sweaty and when Hoseok took her hand, she flinched. He must feel the clamminess but he didn’t pull away because of course he didn’t. He was such a fucking great guy. He’d hold your hand even when you were sick and sweaty.

Alas, he was the sort of guy who called his parents to loudly let them know they’d landed even though they were still on the plane, but sure, he had to have some flaws. She wasn’t sure which annoyed her more, that he’d made the call, or that he sounded so cheerful and excited. Of course he was! He hadn’t been home for Thanksgiving in years, he��d told her. It hadn’t seemed worth the cost of the flight when he could go home for Christmastime instead, so usually he just worked. He had intended to do that too. But then, despite her laughable earlier fears that he might put his career above all, he had placed her first and decided to take the time off so he could take her home and introduce her to his family. A girl’s dream come true!

Finally the aisle cleared enough and they could get their things out of the overhead compartment. She pulled her bag too hard and it landed on her face, which seemed exactly right.

“Wait, let me help,” Hoseok laughed. “There’s no rush, we’re at the end! Let me help you, baby.”

Alex’s toes curled in her sneakers.

He followed behind her up the aisle and off the plane. She awkwardly thanked the pilot while Hoseok had a more cheerful greeting, like he and the pilot and attendants were old friends and it had been so good to see them again. The skybridge was deliciously cold and Alex lifted her hair off her neck and decided to bun it up after all. She had wanted to leave it down and look more dignified while meeting Hoseok’s parents, who would be picking them up from baggage claim, but…

“Hey I need to use the toilet,” she said, stumbling over the words in a way that probably made her sound like she was having a medical episode. She didn’t even wait for Hoseok’s confirmation, just made a beeline for the nearest restroom and locked herself in a stall so she could breathe. She did in fact need to piss because she’d chugged ginger ale on the plane and refused to use the plane toilet and it really felt like her bladder was going to erupt. But it had served as a distraction so she had appreciated the pain. Couldn’t meet his parents if she pissed herself, right?

A distraction from…

Alex closed her eyes and swallowed, trying to ground herself in this pleasant, peaceful location of the airport restroom. Banging seats, swinging doors, the loudest flushes known to man kind, jetway engine hand dryers, kids yelling for their moms, it wrapped around her and made her want to scream.

And yet nothing could drown out what was actually going on in her head:

Alex was very far up the wrong mountain.

Alex was going to meet the family of a man whom she adored, but who was not and would never be first in her heart because her heart was stupid.

Alex did not want to be here. It was wrong that she was here. Because Hoseok deserved to be someone’s everything and she wanted so badly for him to be her everything because he was wonderful! Just perfect enough to be actually perfect!

And yet when they had driven past Jungkook’s parent’s house and he waved at them from where he was raking leaves in the yards, Alex just felt that squidgy feeling down deep that told her she was going the wrong direction. That feeling had not quieted down as they’d checked in, or boarded their flight, or settled down in their seats. What should have been stressful and exciting in a good way was dreadful because Alex knew what was wrong, and denying it only made it louder and more certain in her mind.

Alex was stupidly, annoyingly, undeniably in love with her asshole ex-best friend.

FUCK.

The timing was terrible.

She could not stay in a relationship with Hoseok. It wasn’t fair to him, it wasn’t fair to her, it was making her someone she didn’t want to be. Not when her feelings for Jungkook were driving her to lie. Not when moving out and moving on didn’t remove Jungkook even a little bit from her thoughts. Not when seeing him gave her that rush that seeing Hoseok should have but no longer did. Not when the thought of seeing Jungkook flooded her with warmth and joy and comfort. And terror. And relief. It wasn’t even just about Hoseok deserving to be with someone better than she could be for him, it was about what she wanted too.

What she wanted was Jungkook.

Objectively the worse choice! Which made her want to laugh and slam her head against the bathroom stall wall. He was dumb and messy and selfish and gross and lazy and hardworking and funny and warm and sincere and reliable when it mattered and he was hers. He was supposed to be! And if he had finally realized that and she didn’t give it at least a try… even if it cost her Hoseok… she’d never forgive herself. She’d always wonder if she could have truly had what she wanted. And if it all went to shit, at least she would know she tried.

She couldn’t stay with Hoseok.

How long had she known this? She didn’t even know! At any point in the last few weeks she should have stopped this. Why hadn’t she? Because she wanted ot want this more, Hoseok was so kind and wonderful and good and loving him was easy but it wasn’t the thing she wanted most.

She never should have gotten on that plane.

But she had and she was here and the panic of being on a ride she couldn’t get off of was making her queasy. She’d gone too far the wrong direction. This was wrong! She was drowning! And it was going to keep getting worse if she didn’t do something. Things were going to be really bad for a while but then there might be Jungkook. Or she could keep doing this and there would never be Jungkook again, and that sounded so much worse.

That thought gave her some comfort. Some strength. It might feel terrible and shitty and too late but maybe, maybe he would be there waiting for her again.

She walked out of the stall because things had quieted down and looked at herself in the mirror. The way she saw it she had several choices. And they all sucked balls. And they were all going to be terrible. There was no good path here.

Option One. She could push through Thanksgiving with Hobi’s family and pretend to be happy and in love and charm his family but secretly feel like a monster and then break up with him in the near future.

Option Two. She could lie and say there was a family emergency she needed to turn around immediately and go home for. She did not think Hoseok would believe this and also she’d probably go to hell forever for lying to a great guy again.

Option Three. She could break up with Hoseok right now and send him heartbroken to meet his parents alone while she went to book a flight back home.

“Oh god,” she murmured and leaned heavily against the sink, feeling like she was going to be sick. There was no way out of it though. His parents were waiting in baggage claim! She literally had to decide this moment –no, not decide, because the decision was already made. There was peace in that decision. Somewhere deep beneath all the bullshit she was about to nosedive into.

The timing was so bad. It was so bad! And she’d done this to herself by dragging her feet and not wanting to look at the truth. Even if things with Jungkook crashed in flames, even if he’d changed his mind, she wasn’t willing to lie to Hoseok anymore. She wasn’t ready to settle for second in her heart yet. She understood people could do that! Make do and push through and never regret it. Who could regret a life with Hoseok?

But this didn’t feel right to her. This wasn’t what Alex wanted.

She splashed water on her face and wrists to cool down, then drew a deep breath and walked out.

Hoseok had grown bored waiting for her and sat in an empty row of chairs at the nearest gate. He was on his phone but hung up when he saw her and jumped up.

“Great! My mom and dad are here now, they’re at the baggage carousel–”

“Hobi, we need to talk.”

“Hm? Ah,” he grinned and tried to wrap his arm around her shoulder, “Are you nervous? Don’t be, they’re going to–”

“We need to talk right now, please?”

“Uh… right now?”

She bit her lips and settled down in the chair, needing their height to be more equal. He slowly sat as well, looking confused as shit, which was awful.

“Hobi.” Shit. Shit shit shit she did not know what to say. “Um…” She wished Hoseok would just figure out what she was hinting at. He did not. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I realize this is crazy, and terrible timing, and I’m really sorry. But I can’t meet your family. I want to break up.”

“Wha?” The word didn’t even totally register. His eyes got really big, mouth opening into a circle. That made her feel so much worse, that he wasn’t just like oh I kind of saw this coming. She could see it there on his face: he had truly believed her every time she had insisted she was all in on this. She had meant it! Until she didn’t.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. Don’t cry don’t cry this isn’t your turn to cry. “I was so stupid to get on the plane but I just didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t want to hurt you and I love you, I really do.”

“Then… what… but– Alex, are you just scared? This was too soon to meet my family? It’s ok! They’ll love you–”

“No, Hobi, it’s not that. I’m sure your family is wonderful and I am so stupid that I– I’m so sorry. I really thought– it has nothing to do with you. You are wonderful, you are the perfect boyfriend and you have been amazing every minute of our relationship.” Oh my god what am I doing?! She wanted to scream at herself. How? How could she break up with this angel man whose attention she had yearned for?

“I don’t understand then. Why now? Right now? I thought everything was good–”

“It was but… and I’ve been crazy about you, please don’t think that was ever fake or insincere. But…”

He took several short breaths, nostrils flaring, and Alex knew if he started to cry she’d be done for. A boarding call started nearby and that nearly tipped her over the edge. She’d completely forgotten they were in public. Everything in the world had faded away to the man she was dumping in a fucking airport because his family was waiting outside to meet her.

“But… but Jungkook?” he guessed slowly, with a sniffle and a nod. She almost didn’t even hear it beneath the boarding noise.

And she couldn’t even fucking deny it. She expected him to start cursing her. She expected to have to listen to him trash them both, and call her a liar, and all sorts of things. She wouldn’t stop him. She deserved it. Maybe it would be nice to hear him say those things right now.

“I wasn’t cheating on you or anything,” she said. “When I said I was all in with you, I meant it. When I chose you, I meant it. I mean, you’re amazing. You’re incredible.”

“Ok…”

She didn’t know whether to keep talking or to stop. She wanted him to tell her it was ok and that he understood. She wanted him to say she had made the right decision. Or she wanted him to say something really shitty and terrible so she could hate him.

He just looked so sad and she felt the desperate urge to comfort him. She needed to! Her boyfriend was sad! She wanted to take his face and kiss that frown away, kiss that wrinkle between his brows. Take back whatever she did to make him sad. She was mean, she was so mean to break up with him! And right now! With his parents waiting outside to meet his terrible girlfriend!

“I’m so sorry, Hobi. I’m so sorry I’m hurting you.”

“You have to do this right now? How long– how long ago did you decide this?” he asked. “You came with me and now suddenly–”

“I wanted so badly to stay with you and I just have been lying to myself that I could forget him. I really wanted to– you’re so amazing.”

“So you came here knowing–”

“No, no, I really wanted to do this with you and be your girlfriend and–”

“Then what changed? Suddenly, on the plane? Suddenly you were sitting beside me and decided…”

She bit back the sob lodged in her throat and murmured, “I’m sorry. But it’s… it’s the truth of me now and I can’t pretend it’s not. You deserved better than this, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Hobi.” She reached for his hand but was not surprised he pulled it away. His face was so serious. It looked like he was just unhappy, bored, watching people walk quickly through the terminal to catch their flights. A loud family with lots of rolling bags went past. An old lady in a wheelchair. Hoseok’s phone rang and he just looked at it.

“I’m so sorry,” she said again, not sure what else to say.

“Are you sure you aren’t going to regret this?” he asked with a crooked smile and the tears in his eyes broke her heart.

“No,” she admitted. “I think I may always regret it in some ways. You’re such a dreamboy, Hobi.” He gave a sad smile that she returned. A tear snuck away and she quickly flicked it away. If even he wasn’t crying right now, she couldn’t.

“But not your dreamboy.”

“You were. And then I just…”

“Did I do something to make your feelings change or–”

“No, Hobi. You really didn’t. This is really really not your fault. And I’m so sorry I didn’t do this before getting on the plane. I’m sorry, I made this so stupid… I know your family is waiting there to meet me and– but I couldn’t meet them and then–”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I get it.” He shook his head and dabbed his eye with the back of his hand. “Shit.”

“I’m so sorry, Hobi–”

“I know. I know Alex. But hey, you um, you have to do what your heart wants, right?” She knew he didn’t mean that to hit as brutally as it did. She wished he meant it as mean as possible. She felt so awful. “What are you going to do?”

“See about getting a flight home.”

“Just turn right around? You don’t want to, um…” He laughed, realizing he had nothing to suggest. She laughed too. They were on the verge of tears, both of them, and she thought how awful this felt, how wrong it felt to end a perfectly good relationship with a perfectly good guy. Why was she doing this? On the off chance Jungkook still wanted to be with her? Even though there were no guarantees he did, or that it would work, or that they would be compatible in a romantic way. Even though there was a perfectly wonderful man right here, offering kindly after she’d just dumped him,

“Ok, let’s go see about your flight.”

“No, you’re not going back to?”

“No, I’ll stay with my family. Maybe… um, I need to call them–”

“No, just go to them,” she insisted. “I’ll get my own flight.”

“And just leave you here in the airport? No way–”

“Yes way,” she said. “I appreciate that you are the kindest soul and of course you’d still want to take care of me after I did this and failed you but–”

“You didn’t fail me, Alex. You were a really good girlfriend. I really loved you.”

“Ok don’t say that,” she pleaded, laughing at her own tears baaaarely hanging on to her waterline. “Oh god, Hobi, I’m so fucking sorry.” She covered her mouth and he put a hand on her shoulder and she laughed, “You don’t need to comfort me!”

“Ah, I’m just… I wish this wasn’t happening.”

She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t say anything else or she was definitely going to start sobbing. She hated this.

Still, she tried, taking his hand, “I probably am going to regret this and miss you for the rest of my life and you’re allowed to tell me ‘I told you so.’”

“I’ll never say that.”

“Even though you’re thinking it right now.”

“Maybe,” he laughed again, and brushed at his eyes. “Ah, Alex. I really thought…”

“I did too…”

He nodded and stood up, then sat back down, “Ok, but I’ll help you get your flight–”

“No, Hobi. Please just go and be with your family and tell them I said they have the most wonderful son.”

“I can’t just leave you.”

“Yes, you can. I’m a grown up and I can handle the consequences of my own bullshit. I’ll be ok. I think I’ll go cry in the bathroom for a little bit and then take care of it so just… I’m so sorry, Hobi. You are a dream come true and I know you are going to get snatched up so fast my head will spin.”

“You’re a tough act to follow.”

She wished that was true but didn’t think so. Instead she stood to encourage him to do so, but when he pulled her into a hug, it was hard not to break down.

“Text me that you have your flight, ok? That you get home ok. Promise?”

“Fine, fine, I promise. Now go! I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

He nodded, and turned away, nostrils flaring. She wondered if he would make it to his parents without crying, or if he had the sort of relationship with them where he would cry on their shoulders, or if he’d pretend to be ok in front of his family.

Alex fled back to the bathroom. She had to wait to go get her bag from baggage claim and then turn around to ticketing until she knew Hobi and his family were gone anyway. Gone without her, off to celebrate without her lying, betraying ass in the middle of them.

This felt wrong again. It felt wrong to hurt a perfectly wonderful man whom she adored. Why had she done this?! And he’d been such a gentleman about it! Of course he had, he was amazing! This had to be the wrong choice because if it was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so bad?

She sat on the edge of the toilet and quietly cried. She had hoped to feel instant relief, but she just kept thinking of Hoseok’s back walking away. Maybe she was only ever going to make the wrong decisions. Maybe she was going to regret this every bit as much as she had mourned the loss of Jungkook. Maybe she was the stupidest person to ever walk the earth! Hoseok probably hated her now and she respected him so much, that was devastating.

But she was right, right? She couldn’t be with Hoseok and meet his family and pretend like this was her future when driving away from Jungkook raking leaves, all she had felt was deep and solid certainty in her heart: I belong there with him and I will never be truly happy without him.

Namjoon had caught him crying. He was pretty sure that was why a Friendsgiving suddenly materialized where no Friendsgiving had existed before. Suddenly there was a group text and dates were debated and Namjoon was offering up their place so Jungkook couldn’t even get out of it. One minute Namjoon found Jungkook crying a little too hard at My Best Friend’s Wedding and exactly one day later Jungkook was wedged into the middle of the couch with twenty people cavorting around, offering him wine or bruschetta –or something a little stronger, if he felt like sitting in the backyard with Yoongi and Ash to smoke it. He didn’t.

He wanted to welcome anything that could help him ease into chill right now but worried it would just make him cranky and antisocial. He had taken for granted that he and Alex never hosted things like this, but living with Namjoon taught him just how much they had inconvenienced him every time they took over his place to party. At least now he would be around to help clean up tomorrow, which might take a long time, because Jimin had dropped and shattered a bottle of red wine the second he walked into the kitchen and that was just the beginning of the night.

Jungkook had always been so good at parties before. But he’d always had Alex to retreat to when he wanted a break. At least this party wasn’t as big and rowdy as they used to be, and it was all people he knew. He didn’t feel like performing. The photo he posted to his instagram in the beginning of the party showed him in a blue cableknit sweater with his arms around Taehyung and Namjoon, eight people crammed into the frame, all smiling and happy.

The absence of Alex was like a hole in his chest.

He felt it like the twinge of a phantom limb every time he started to enjoy himself too much. His friends were funny, it was impossible to completely block out the laugh when Jimin and Taehyung started sword fighting with garlic sticks (which Taehyung had brought but not bothered to even thaw beforehand), or when Sabina teased Namjoon about the stacks of books he had everywhere (“are they decoration? Are these new? These aren’t Jungkook’s. Do you actually read them or just collect them??), or when In’am, after three glasses of wine and all the wedding stress, started doing impersonations of everyone that were uncanny. A bird flew into the house at one point –like a whole ass bird from outside, where Yoongi and his fiance had gone with Ash to smoke– and the chaos that ensued had Jungkook laughing so hard he nearly pissed his pants. He and Taehyung and Sabina managed to chase it back out using pillowcases as Yoongi shouted directions at them and Namjoon acted like a goalie trying to protect the statues he had on shelves in the dining room.

Alex should be here enjoying everything. Hoseok, much as Jungkook hated to admit it, fit in well too. And since Alex was so over Yoongi these days, it wouldn’t be awkward that Jimin had invited him and Raquel. The greater friend group was healing and growing. Minxi couldn’t make it but Jungkook hoped she’d feel comfortable bringing May one of these days, even if he suspected Alex would have a hard time adjusting to her sister being around more. Anita made it and was busy asking Rebekah all kinds of nosy questions about the food she’d brought for herself, as if she’d never heard of kosher food restrictions before. Obviously Jungkook did because he’d looked them up before so he wouldn’t look like an idiot. Ash and Gwen and Devi and Robert, a whole roster of friends connected to the core of them –to Jungkook and Taehyung and Jimin and Namjoon and Alex. Except Alex wasn’t here. Even fucking Seychelle was here! And the sheer relief Jungkook felt to see she’d been telling the truth that she and Namjoon were friendly but not familiar anymore gave him a few years of his life back. When he’d nudged Anita and asked if she was going to make a move, Anita had hissed at him shut up and don’t fuck this up for me!

He flitted between the groups. Without Alex as an anchor or getting laid as a lure, it was easy to feel lost. He drank a little too quickly in the beginning too; it left him feeling like a silly little kid at a grown up’s party just poking his head in, trying to understand what everyone was talking about. But the buzz wore off and he didn’t replace it and the party came into crisper detail around him.

“Jungkook and I found these at a garage sale,” Namjoon explained to Yoongi, showing him the vinyl collection.

“Hey how much longer does this turkey need to reheat, Lori?”

“Is someone at the door? Oh, it’s Tony!” Pizza, Jungkook muttered under his breath, even though he’d misheard and it was actually Stone, who he hadn’t seen in months.

“Should we set the table? I brought more dishes.”

“So then I told them if they’re just going to do a round of layoffs, put me on the list! I’ll take the severance and get out, I fucking hate it there.”

“Taehyung was such a gentleman and my mother was so pleasant to meet him but afterwards she told me ‘I think he dresses too nice for you, you need to look nicer than your husband!’ Were you wondering why I left home?”

“No! Mothers can be so… You dress well! That’s unhinged to say.”

“I got an estimate but my dental doesn’t cover, so it’ll be like $1700 out of pocket! That’s insane. They don’t hurt yet so I think I’m going to wait.”

“Oh my god you really need to not wait. Go to the dental school, it’s a little cheaper there.”

Jungkook felt like the conversations rocked him steadily; was he imagining it, or did people keep touching his arm and shoulder as he passed. To comfort him? Had he suddenly gotten so pathetic? He wanted to believe everyone was just like that, and he’d been too busy in the past ricocheting around, drunk and playful and looking for someone to go home with, to slow down and enjoy it. Until sometimes towards the end of the night, when he’d flop around Alex and whine for her to take him home.

“Food’s ready!”

The cheer went up and Jungkook happily jostled in between Jimin and Taehyung as they scrambled around the kitchen counters to pile up their plates with the assortment of foods everyone had brought. Since he’d bailed on the Song’s Thanksgiving dinner, the food tasted extra good, even the ones that were just reheated from other celebrations.

“We need to get more chairs,” he told Namjoon as they all wedged themselves in around the dining room table and overflow into the living room and kitchen, perching wherever there was an available space to rest a plate.

“We aren’t usually all sitting down to eat at the same time,” Sabina pointed out. “It won’t happen a lot.”

Namjoon considered this though and argued, “Everyone seems calmer when I have chairs to put your asses in. Maybe our other parties would be tamer if I have a collection of chairs I can drag in from the garage.”

“Do you want them tamer?” Taehyung challenged, leaning on the table.

“Yes,” Namjoon answered easily.

“Ooh ooh should we go around the table and say what we’re thankful for–”

“Noooo,” the suggestion was met with groans and complaints so the idea was dropped. Jungkook would have been embarrassed to answer anyway. I’m thankful Namjoon let me move in with him. I’m thankful I have so many friends who can get together for something like this.

“Some of you folks are really good cooks,” Raquel, Yoongi’s fiance, mused, which led to a dissection of every dish, who made it, what was store bought.

“The funny thing I’m thinking is, what if Alex is why we’re so loud? She’s the one who’s not here–”

“No no don’t put that on her, there’s no way she’s the instigator.”

“She’s totally an instigator,” Jimin laughed. “And she’s loud. And–” He broke off and Jungkook lifted his beer to his mouth, afraid for confirmation that this party had really come together because he was such a sad sack.

“I think it’s fair to blame her,” Jungkook insisted loudly. “For too long her true nature has been hidden from all of you. Her greatest talent is she gets everyone around her to be loud and they take the blame while she skitters away.”

“Skitters!”

Jungkook could feel the tension from a few of them –but only a few of them. The rest seemed to take him joking about Alex at face value, same as it had always been. It made him glad if actually his failure and rejection were not truly common knowledge. He’d try not to get so drunk he ruined that.

He would have liked to make more jokes. Talking about her recreated a little of the anchor he was missing without her, but conversation blasted past him and he didn’t get the chance.

He kept looking for it though. When eating slowed, he was one of the first to leave the table to set up video games in the living room. That felt like it brought a little of her spirit too; she’d be right there with him after a big meal, shoving him to try and throw him off his game if he pulled ahead of her.

Damnit, he really needed to stop thinking about her. It was pathetic at this point. Creepy. Why did he feel so much worse about it this week than he had before? He thought the rejection was supposed to get better over time but it seemed to be getting worse and he didn’t get it.

He didn’t feel like playing video games anymore. No one here could beat him anyways, though Taehyung came close. He left others to it and went in search of another group to bunker down with and found Namjoon and Yoongi back at the record player.

“What’s up, buddy, how you doing?” Namjoon asked him when he drew close.

“Damn, am I that tragic?” he laughed, because even the way Namjoon held his hand out to beckon him closer seemed sad.

“Huh?” At least he seemed genuinely confused, face pinched in confusion before he just gestured, “Come on, dig through, what should we put on next?”

“Hey, Namjoon? Where is the, uh, vacuum cleaner?” Jimin asked, leaning into the doorway. They hadn’t heard anything spill or fall, but could see through to the kitchen where In’am and Raquel both looked nervously down on something while Anita was unwinding paper towels.

“What now…” Namjoon grumbled and pushed up to go see what it was. Jungkook craned his neck to see if he ought to go help, but Namjoon hadn’t asked him to, so he stayed put. He’d been relieved to learn that Namjoon wasn’t actually anal about cleaning after all except during a party, so he suspected Namjoon just got nervous people were going to ruin or break something important, which he could understand. Or expensive. Houses were expensive! So he got it. Especially now that he lived here and would need to help fix whatever it was.

“Did you pick this one out?” Yoongi asked, showing an album –that in fact Jungkook had picked out: Florence and the Machine.

“Yeah, why?”

“Figures,” Yoongi laughed.

“What does that mean? Real men know she’s great.”

“Yeah, I know. Great songwriting,” Yoongi agreed. “Just not what Namjoon has been in to lately.” Jungkook wondered suddenly if Yoongi knew Alex liked them. Was that why he’d asked about that album? It made him think of Alex.

“Hey, did you just stop hanging out with most of us because of breaking up with Alex?” Jungkook asked because apparently his filter wasn’t working today.

“Uh. Yeah, in the beginning. Who wants to hang out with the girl who dumped them and her friends? But I had other friends anyway so it wasn’t a big deal. I still stayed tight with Jimin and Namjoon and it’s no hard feelings now.”

“I know but you never came to the guy stuff she wouldn’t have been at. You could have gone to shows or whatever with us even if– Wait, what did you say?” Jungkook belatedly caught. The girl who dumped them…

But Yoongi was shaking his head, “Yeah well I didn’t want to be around you either.”

“Uh…” The inside of Jungkook’s brain ground to a halt. He made a face that apparently amused Yoongi.

“Yeah, it was weird watching nothing happen from a distance.”

“Wait, uh…” Too many questions.

“Yeah?”

“She dumped you?!” The inside of Jungkook’s mind was blindingly bright right now at this revelation.

Yoongi grinned, “I know, I’m a catch. Raquel thinks so at least.”

“No but I thought– she was so upset. I thought you dumped her.”

“Did she say that? Because that is definitely not what happened.”

“Uh… I don’t remember… but I thought– she definitely made it seem like that. She definitely didn’t tell me she’s the one who ended it. So then why was she always so cagey? When we saw you at Jimin’s engagement party– before that she…” He was trying to connect the dots in his head but it wasn’t working yet. “And what do you mean you didn’t want to be around me? I mean, yeah, I thought you dumped her so I probably would have been a shit–”

“Yeah you were a shit to me,” Yoongi snickered. “Makes more sense now to hear you thought I dumped her. At the time it was like what the fuck, why are you being shitty to me? It should be the other way!”

“Why would it be the other way?!”

“Yeah cause you’re the guy she dumped me for? And then she didn’t even start dating you,” Yoongi snorted and shook his head, looking like this was something he had long ago made peace with but still felt a shadow of annoyance about.

But he’d just flipped the table on Jungkook. How could this be true? Had Alex said the words ‘Yoongi dumped me’ or had he gotten it all wrong? He couldn’t remember! But she’d acted so upset… like when you got dumped, not when you did the dumping.

“That’s not true,” he assured Yoongi. “She didn’t dump you for–”

Yoongi clearly thought this was funny and mused, “Damn, you guys really never– Jimin and Namjoon would tell me about it but it’s been amusing to see. Kinda sad I guess. I mean I am happy with Raquel and in the long run it was better, I met a great woman, so I say this without any malice: you’re both kinda stupid, right?”

“We were just friends. And sure now it’s all gone to shit but…we were definitely only friends then. If she dumped you, it didn’t have anything to do with me.”

“She told me ‘I’m really sorry you are great but I am in love with someone else.’ So…” Yoongi gave him a look, then laughed and went back to trading the vinyl on the record player.

“What? No. She… she meant someone else? She wasn’t in love with anyone. Probably she was just lying to try and make it easier. She was crazy about you. And really nervous so probably she just said that because she was too chickenshit to break up with you… but why would she break up with you?”

Yoongi snorted through his nose and suggested, “When women tell me something, I tend to believe them, especially when I kind of already knew so I wasn’t really surprised.”

“I don’t think it was true though. I think she was just making it up and now she’s happy with her new boyfriend and… ah,” he sighed, no point in skirting around it. “I confessed to her but she stayed with her boyfriend. So you see? She didn’t love me.”

“Ah. Well, now you know, if she dumps him it’ll be the second time she dumped a guy for you.”

Jungkook was dumbfounded. Yoongi just seemed so sure about this and Jungkook couldn’t honestly remember if Alex had ever said Yoongi dumped her. But she’d been so upset! But…

Ugh, he just wanted to ask Alex. Not that it mattered but… but if she’d dumped her boyfriend for him… No, that couldn’t be right! She never said anything to Jungkook about being in love with him –always the opposite, she was always offended when people suggested it! And he just kept fucking whoever he liked– but he would have stopped if she had given him any indication she was into him! She hadn’t! He couldn’t read her mind! If she had wanted to start something with him, if she had just said that, it would have changed everything. Maybe he didn’t realize until a few months ago how much he loved her but if at any point Alex had seemed into him, he would have embraced that way earlier rather than just boxing it up as a not gonna happen and shoving it to the back of the closet.

Jungkook sat there as the new album played and just sank into the shock that once again, he may have been so wrong. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Alex! And now, when he felt most separate from her, he realized he may never have known her as completely as he had thought. He’d set her apart as not a conquest, not an option, and in doing so, made up his own truths about a whole part of her life.

And maybe really, really hurt her in the process.

Yoongi hadn’t hurt her. Hoseok wasn’t hurting her. Had he done it? Could it be true? Why hadn’t they dated if she broke up with Yoongi for him… had she said something he missed? She must have thought there was hope if she’d dumped her boyfriend! No, it made way more sense that she just did the Alex thing of lying when put on the spot. She’d told him her dog died when she and Yoongi broke up, after all, so there had definitely been a lot of lies flying around at that point.

But which was the lie: had she loved him or not?

He just wanted to ask her about it and finally hear her truth about everything. But he couldn’t. She was off meeting her boyfriend’s family. What was he going to say about any of it now anyway? Sorry I didn’t notice you were in love with me. But she’d said she wasn’t so. Many. times! Was it really so wrong he’d believed her?! He’d been so nice comforting her after Yoongi dumped her, except apparently he was comforting her after she dumped her boyfriend? And never once while she was falling asleep on his chest watching a movie had she said–

That was just a normal friend thing though. Right? Snuggling didn’t mean you were in love. Jungkook would gladly snuggle any of his friends. Alex just happened to be snugglier than the rest. The tits helped.

Damn, he wished Alex was here to help him make sense of things. He wished Alex was here because she’d enjoy this low-key Thanksgiving party. He wished Alex was here because life was just better with her close. He wished Alex was here and if she was, he’d make sure to listen better this time, even to the things she didn’t say.

He sighed deeply and, to vent his feelings, tried to joke, “Well, it doesn’t matter now anyway. Too late. You should have told me, picked a fight or something.”

“Is it too late?”

“Yeah, I tried.”

“Maybe you just need to suffer for a little bit,” Yoongi suggested. “She clearly thought it was too late if she got a new boyfriend and then you came around, huh? I don’t know. Not my concern anymore but that’s funny she didn’t even tell you she dumped me. I really resented you, you know! Alex was a sweet girlfriend.”

“She’s a sweet girl,” Jungkook said, and resisted appending all the other things he would typically call her. Turtle, slug bug, shrimpy, skrunkle baby, Pop Tart, bed bug, gremlin, Snarflepuss when she was grumpy. Those were too intimate to be shared now.

“Well. I wish you luck. What do you think about this one? Namjoon said you’ve got good music taste, let’s see what else we have in common.”

Alex’s legs ached. She’d collapsed on the bed backwards about twenty minutes ago and not yet found the motivation to move again. The mattress was cheap and the comforter was scratchy as shit. She kept throwing it on the ground after too many horror stories about how they never got washed but housekeeping kept putting it back on. She had no interest in warring with housekeeping, though it was a nice personal touch to her stay, evidence of life when otherwise this was the loneliest four days of her life.

But also not quite the worst! Well, right up there. But in some ways not so bad. Maybe not as bad as she deserved…

Her phone lit up and it happened to be within reach so she grabbed it to look.

[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: you are breaking mama and baba’s hearts

[Alex meimei]: fuck off

She didn’t know what her sister had meant by that but was not in the mood for any more guilt piled onto her chest.

[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: wow

[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: what’s up with you? Hobi’s family realize what a creature you are too fast?

Alex didn’t answer. She didn’t feel like joking with her sister right now. She needed to decide whether she was going to take a bath in the probably gross hotel tub (who was she kidding, she would) to see if that would help her shins. Was it possible to walk so much you broke your shins? She wanted a foot massage.

Hobi would have given her a foot massage.

Frowny face.

Her phone lit up again.

[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: nothing?

[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: hey everything ok for real?

It was unlike May to be “for real” in text and now Alex wondered what was going on that had made her sister text in the first place.

She didn’t have to wait long because her phone lit up with an actual call. And while she didn’t have to or want to answer it, she still did.

“Yeah what?” she grumbled, realizing she sounded way grumpier than she actually felt.

“What’s going on with you? How’s it going?”

“Fine. Why are you calling me? Nothing happened at home did it?”

“No. Thanksgiving happened, I don’t know. Mama and Baba worked their asses off and it was nice, I guess.”

“Hm,” Alex said, staring at the ceiling. “Did you bring your boyfriend home?”

“No.”

“Mama was hoping you would so maybe you’re the one who broke their hearts, not me.”

“You broke their hearts because you aren’t sending pictures,” May countered. “They think you’ve replaced them.”

“Well I haven’t.”

The call went silent for a minute and Alex wondered again why she had answered. She was desperate for contact, that was it.

“Hey so… you can say it’s stupid but I just got a big sister gut feeling something was up. Are you really ok? There’s nothing going on?”

Alex froze. The shock of this kindness and concern from May was almost as stunning as how deeply Alex felt it in her heart.

“Oh.”

“Oh? What does that mean?” May asked.

“I just…” She sat up and looked out the window, but it was just lights dotting dark buildings and her own room reflected back to her. The room was spartan but the cheapest she could find that still gave her a private bath. “No,” she admitted. “Things haven’t been ok. I did something really stupid.”

“Uh oh,” May said but did not sound surprised, Alex thought.

“Nevermind–”

“No, just tell me. What did you do?”

“You can keep a secret?”

“Yeah.”

Alex didn’t know why she was telling May this. She and May had an antagonistic relationship at best. They didn’t share secrets. Once they had been closer, and they weren’t exactly enemies now, but May was kind of a bully so Alex bullied her back, and they didn’t really do the heart to hearts or anything. So what made her do it now?

“I’m actually in a hotel,” she said.

“Oh shit, what did you–”

“I broke up with Hobi.”

Dead silence on the line.

Then, “Uh… why? What? When? But…”

“I know…” Alex sighed deeply.

“What did he do?” May’s voice sounded actually a little fierce.

“Nothing,” Alex admitted. “Absolutely nothing. Continued to be the wonderful guy he has always been. And I dumped him in the airport as soon as we landed while his parents were waiting to get us in baggage claim. Isn’t that fucked up?”

“This is… I’m so confused…. Unless…”

“I was going to just fly home– isn’t that so stupid? Like I flew all the way here and then broke up with him. But changing my flight was going to be crazy expensive so I got a cheap hotel room and I’ve just been wandering San Francisco–”

“Oh my god!”

“Yeah.”

“That’s… is that… are you having fun?”

“A little bit,” Alex laughed. “It’s a cool city! I saw the bridge and I went on a ferry tour and today I went to the zoo just by myself. I spent Thanksgiving Day in Chinatown and it was pretty cool. I’m so fucking tired though, I’ve never walked this much in my life.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“So you just… dumped him.”

Alex still felt the twinge of it in her chest, “Yeah.”

“How’s that feeling?”

“Really stupid,” Alex laughed. “Who does that? Who dumps someone like Hobi? Only a fucking idiot.”

“Yeah, that sounds like you.”

“May!”

May started laughing, “Fuck, I can’t believe this. You really flew all the way there and then what, he chewed too loudly on the plane or something? You were like no I can’t stand this shit a moment longer–”

“No!”

“I can’t even make it through this week for this guy to save face in front of his family–”

“I would have been just lying to everyone,” Alex argued.

“You are fucking insane,” May cackled. “You couldn’t figure that out before you got on the fucking plane?! What the fuck is it with you two?”

“Nothing anymore, we broke up.”

“Not you and Hobi, you and fucking Jungkook.”

“What– what does he have to do with anything?”

May’s noise grumble made Alex feel uncomfortably exposed.

“Isn’t he why you dumped Hobi? God I can’t believe that is a true sentence I just said–”

“He’s– no, I– what are you talking about? What do you know about anything?”

“I know so much. Way more than you.”

Alex’s stomach flipped. What did that mean?! But she hated her sister lording things over her; she didn’t want to beg for information.

“I’m not in the mood for your bullshit,” Alex sighed. “So whatever, have fun, I’m going to go soak–”

“I know you moved out because he told you he loved you,” May rushed out.

“Yeah well apparently he’s been blabbing that around.”

“So? Is that why you dumped this perfect man?”

“I didn’t say that. I just– the relationship had run its course.”

“Have you talked to Jungkook?”

“No, of course not. Why would I?”

“Have you talked to anyone? Or have you just been sulking alone in a hotel room–”

“I’m not sulking! I told you all the things I’ve been doing! Actually this is the least sulking I’ve ever done about anything! I deserved to just hole up in the hotel room and binge junk food and watch TV but I didn’t do that, I went out and tried to enjoy the city I’m spending like a thousand dollars– oh god this trip is so expensive,” Alex groaned. “Over a thousand dollars to be alone for Thanksgiving.”

“So you dumped Hobi for Jungkook but you didn’t immediately call him–”

“I didn’t say I dumped him for Jungkook!” Alex cried.

“Ok ok. Are you going to call him though? Can I tell him? He’s going to freak out–”

“No,” Alex said bluntly. “Don’t tell him any of my business. Don’t talk to any of my friends or tell mom and dad. Just… I’m just still trying to figure it out myself.”

The silence that followed lasted long enough Alex figured May had gotten bored that she wouldn’t rise to her taunts. But eventually May said instead,

“Fine. You don’t have to tell me anything and I won’t tell anyone either.”

“Thank you.”

“But I’m just saying… he’s really going through it. So if you did break up with Hobi to date Jungkook, I would really appreciate it as your sister if I could be there to see his face when you tell him–”

“Stop stop!” Alex cried. Because it was too much for her heart. She had intentionally not gone right to a hotel to call Jungkook. She didn’t want to talk to him at all right now. Because she actually wasn’t sure she was ready to just go jump right into Jungkook’s arms –as romantic and silly and giddy and terrifying as that sounded.

Would he be happy? Would he be really happy if she called Jungkook and told him she wanted to see him as soon as she landed, that she’d broken up with Hobi, that she wanted to be with him? The idea he would be happy about that felt like a fever dream. Impossible. What if he was upset she’d called his bluff? What if he’d already moved on? What if they tried and her fears that this was the wrong path came true? What if despite their intentions they couldn’t get past the hurdle of friendship and he really couldn’t feel romantic or sexual towards her–

“Apparently he was moping around so hard at home that your friends threw a–”

“I don’t want to know!”

“Ok… geez.”

“How do you even know what’s going on with my friends? Bug off!”

May sighed, “Alex I’m just trying to help you.”

“Since when?”

“Since I’m your older sister and it brings me great joy to–”

“Thwart me.”

“No no, only sometimes.”

“All the time.”

“Believe it or not, I do actually want you to be happy,” May insisted. “And, personally, I like Jungkook as a brother in law better than Hoseok.”

“What! Why– why would you say that? Don’t say that…”

“You were only ever trailing after Hoseok. Jungkook is right down in the trashcan with you. I think that’s sweet.”

Alex sighed noisily.

“I think you know I’m right.”

“I wasn’t choosing between two guys,” Alex corrected. “I didn’t dump Hobi for Jungkook. I just couldn’t meet his family and stay in a relationship with someone when I wasn’t all in anymore. That’s not fair.”

“Yoongi all over.”

“Shut up,” Alex scowled. Damn did she regret ever telling her sister about that. The teasing had gone too far and she’d vowed never to tell May anything ever again and yet here she was telling her things. “I don’t… I don’t even know if I trust the things Jungkook said. It just seems too sudden. So I broke up with Hoseok for me and I’m here in San Francisco enjoying some me time–”

“Sudden? You think Jungkook’s feelings are sudden? God, you two are perfect for each other, you’re both so stupid.”

“May! You’re such a bitch!”

“Yeah better than being so fucking stupid! Do you have any idea how nauseating it was watching him crumble to bits when you got a boyfriend? He’s clearly been in love with you for years without doing anything about it and you were in love with him for years too, obviously.”

“Why obviously?! Everyone just always assumes I’m in love with him just because he’s hot–”

“No, because you two are always touching and teasing each other and ganging up on me. You act like a little stupid love unit– and if you say you were just friends I’m going to reach through the phone and strangle you. Nothing you guys did was what normal friends do. That’s just not what friends are like, Alex. Like, it’s not normal. It’s been disgusting to watch–”

“You’re exaggerating. He wasn’t in any way in love with me until I suddenly had a boyfriend–”

“Alex, he’s stupid.”

“Don’t be mean. He’s not.”

“I’m sorry but you love a stupid man and you have to accept the consequences of that, like him not realizing his own feelings until too late.”

“Uh huh. And all the women he fucked while he was supposedly heartbroken–”

“You mean since he had his epiphany? None. At least I don’t think so–”

“Rebekah told me about Anita. I guess he’s, like, dating or–”

“Oh my god. Please. Please be the smarter one,” May begged. “He’s not dating Anita.”

“How do you know?”

“I just know. Nothing else. But hey if you don’t want him or you want time to yourself– do that too, that’s ok. You don’t have to rush into anything.” The shift in her tone was suspicious; she couldn’t see Alex’s narrowed eyes but maybe she felt it through the line. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m pushing you to run to Jungkook.”

“I think I just need some time.” Alex admitted. “I mean…” She trailed off in thought and for once May didn’t stomp into the silence. “It sucks. Breaking up with Hobi sucks. It hurts even though I’m feeling more like it was the right choice. Maybe. But when I get home and we have to like trade stuff back and tell people at work and stuff– I think it’s going to hurt all over again. I have to face him again. Maybe I ruined his Thanksgiving. Maybe he’ll hate me… it just sucks. I broke up with Hobi because it’s not fair to be with one person when I’m so… anchored to another one. But that’s true the other way too. It doesn’t feel real yet. I don’t want to call Jungkook and say something stupid, do something too stupid and fast and still be all wrapped up in this.”

“I get it,” May said. Gently. Gently. Who was this on the phone and could they permanently body-snatch May? Did she have to get her real sister back?

“If… if I do talk to Jungkook and decide to um… see if he still wants to try that… I can’t even say it,” Alex laughed at herself. “I just feel like it needs to be new and fresh and not messy with this. So I think I’m just going to take some time right now and see… see what feels right to do…”

A beat of silence was followed by May, “That’s really mature, Alex. I’m surprised.” She didn’t even say it meanly, even if the words were a little mean.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“I mean it. You’ve grown up a lot. And for what it’s worth, I think Jungkook has too. I think you’re smart to want to be clean and clear. And hey, no matter what happens, whether you stay on your own or try with Jungkook or that doesn’t work out or whatever…”

“...Yes?” Alex prodded. “Is this where you’re going to say something really nice and sisterly and unlike you?”

“You’ll always be an idiot to me anyway, so don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah, thanks so much May,” she laughed but that felt kinda good too. She felt love in what her sister said. “I guess your boyfriend isn’t an idiot, huh?”

May got really stuffy as she insisted, “Oh, I’m dating the smartest person you can possibly think of. No competition. Don’t worry–”

“Can’t be too smart if he’s dating you.”

“I am a great girlfriend!”

“Are you though?”

“Yeah. I can give you some pointers–”

“UH, did you miss where I had two guys fighting over me?”

“Allegedly,” May quickly corrected. “You don’t believe Jungkook, you said.”

“I’ll believe him if it means holding it over your head.”

“Whatever, two boys? You can keep ‘em.”

“Yeah? You sure you aren’t a little in love with Jungkook yourself? You seemed awful quick to push me towards him–”

“I just think he’s a good guy,” May interrupted. “Never tell him I said that. And I think you’re ok too. And also Edgar and I made a bet years ago–”

“What?!?”

“Yeah our brother is an idiot too but just to be clear, I get $500 if you and Jungkook start dating so I do have an ulterior motive here.”

“May,” Alex gasped. “You… you were willing to put odds in my favor that Jungkook would date me?”

“Jungkook didn’t make me hesitate, it was always obvious you’re the only love in his eyes. I figured you were the one who’d have to decide. And you’re proving me right! I know all things and feel really good about myself now.” Everything May was saying was like pouring sugar and honey down her throat. She shivered at the intoxication of it. It couldn’t be true but it felt so scandalous to imagine.

Alex sighed, “Well glad one of us does, I don’t know shit.”

“Hey.” Alex braced herself for whatever was coming next. “When you get home, let’s spend some time together. Maybe I’ll tell you some secrets too.”

“Ooooooh? Like what?”

“You’ve gotta come home to find out.”

“You think I’m just going to stay here? I can’t afford this place! We can hang out but you’ve gotta pay for me, San Francisco is expensive as shit.”

“Yeah whatever we’ll see. Just enjoy the rest of your solo trip. Get a massage or something.”

“I fly home tomorrow.”

“Fine, don’t get a massage! Just take care of yourself.”

“Thanks May. Oddly nice of you.”

“I know, I’m feeling generous. Now I gotta go, bye.” She promptly hung up. But Alex was left with a warm and fuzzy feeling that things were going to turn out all right. Her sister’s unusual kindness meant a lot to hear. Learning that May thought Jungkook was the one who would fall for her first, that meant a lot to her.

Alex stretched out on the bed and closed her eyes –just for a minute!-- and decided she was doing the right thing. She could take her time. She didn’t have to decide anything now. When she got home, she’d deal with the fallout of her breakup, and decide whether she wanted to jump right in with Jungkook or ease back into friendship or what. She’d figure it out. She’d survived so many painful parts by now, surely the next part could be easier?

For right now, it was kind of cool to be a girl on an adventure by herself. She pushed up from the bed and grabbed her shoes and decided to go out just for a little bit longer and enjoy herself. Maybe she was in the eye of the hurricane right now, but at least she was her own best company.

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lostdrarryfics · 2 years

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THE BIG FIND: DAY SIX

Welcome to the sixth day of our anniversary celebration!

The Big Find is a 10-day long Drarry fic-finding marathon to celebrate the blog’s first anniversary. Below is the Day 6 compilation of lost fics, both old and new, that we’ve been unable to find. Our aim is to get as much attention to these lost fics as possible, to help people finally find their missing fics! Anyone can participate by reblogging, reading through each list, providing additional fic details, and informing us the title, author, or link of a fic, and their respective number in the comment section. Happy finding!

6.1 Draco likes words and fixates on them. He’ll think like “oh this is truly an excellent word”, think it a lot, then hear another interesting word and think it a lot, and so on. (original post)

fic is not what we pretend we can’t see by gyzym

6.2 There was a test to see how Powerful you were. Harry was the most powerful wizard ever/in some time. I think the test was taken when you came of age. (original post)

6.3 Harry and Draco are dating. Harry is worried Draco will leave him. Not because he’s insecure, but because he’s that kind of person. Hermione and Ron were worried about this too, that Draco is going to break their best friend’s heart. There’s no character bashing of either Hermione, Ron or Draco, they were all just doing what they thought was best. The fic had a happy drarry ending. (original post)

6.4 ao3, Harry and Neville top Draco and Severus respectively. They have sex in a “secret” bathroom/toilet where the persons cannot see each other. But I think Draco got pregnant and kind of found out about the “father” of his child. Neville also didn’t like the identity of who he was having well “fun” with and he suggested that Snape was good for sex not forever. (original post)

6.5 WIP but maybe it’s finished now. AO3, it was M or E. Starts as 8th year fic, Harry and Draco end up dating but when they’re going to uni they break up I think. It’s a nasty encounter in Draco’s room I think (he’s living with Hermione I think?). Harry ends up taking a training or teaching position in the US and Draco stays behind but they agree to write to each other. They start to rekindle things through the letters, and Harry comes back and they are sort of getting back together and Harry ends up having to tell Draco he slept with someone while in the US while they were broken up and he’s contracted an STI. (original post)

6.6 Only Harry and Draco were in the fic, PWP. They were already an established couple. The setting was in their playroom. I remember that Draco was strapped onto a BDSM bench by Harry with an automatic dildo screwing him. Harry leaves the room then Draco climaxes but the dildo still keeps going and I think Draco called out for Harry. (original post)

6.7 Re-write of all the books, it’s a massive slow burn fic (easily more than 100k). Harry was raised in the muggle world and was never picked up by Hagrid for his first year at Hogwarts and years later, Hermione is the one that sets out to look for the Chosen One. I also remember the whole gang essentially re-learning their wizarding ways on a secluded island with some of their trusted adults as professors (I think Sirius and Remus end up teaching them a lot?). I vaguely remember the title being something about establishing a new academy (original post)

fic is not hermione granger’s hogwarts crammer for delinquents on the run by waspabi

6.8 Draco and the Slytherins formed a rock band and they got their name (death eater scum or something like that) from graffiti that was spray painted on the shop the owned which was across from Weasley joke shop ( I’m not too sure on the location). I do know that George joined the band, I think to cop with Fred’s death. Lee might also have been there. (original post)

6.9 8th year fic. Pansy (and Blaise I think) found some sort of blackmailing spell that allowed them to wander around the victim’s mind without being detected. They couldn’t choose what to see so they’d just have to hope they’d stumble upon something. They used it on draco and found out about him and harry being together secretly and used it against him. (original post)

6.10 harry is sold to the malfoy’s, specifically draco. heavy sexual torture ensues. draco pierces his genitals and at one point has harry drink a potion that transfigures him to have a vagina. i believe the title is two words and the first word begins with a U. (original post)

FOUND! 6.11 They were plotting something against the ministry (I think they snuck in or interrogated someone without permission?) and they knew they were gonna be ambushed at their place so Draco asked Harry to cast some spells (I think it included incendio to light the fireplace) to make it seem like they were just having a night in and the aurors checked their wands. Theres this guy with a briefcase and someones leaking information (pictures?) to the press but the second time they tried the code they almost got caught? Draco is helped by this guy from sports or something and they met at a pub. (original post)

6.12 Draco cursing his family name because he wants to feel pain each time someone says it to it. So i think the fic starts with Draco working as a cafe barista in the human world and harry walks into the shop and calls him Malfoy, so the curse is kinda unlocked and Draco gets sick so he has to stay under surveillance in Harry’s house. (original post)

6.13 After the war Draco was obliviated and sent to live with muggles and one day Harry finds him and is intrigued with what Draco’s life is like now and slowly Draco starts to get his memories back. Draco and Harry didn’t have a romantic relationship before Draco was obliviated. I think they (or at least one of them did) had a crush on the other. And I think it was punishment for his part in the war. (original post)

fic is not hidden in plain sight by momatu

6.14 Harry hurt, yells at Draco that he doesn’t even want his name on the door (they were in alphabetical order and dracos name came first). I think they were aurors. Harry was in love with draco. It had multiple chapters and the rating was either mature/teen. I think Draco was sort of like off hand/smthing to cause the fight (maybe their relationship?) like Harry ft he was. It was Harry pov. (original post)

#the big find #drarry #drarry fic #drarry fic search #drarry squad

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v5hadow · 1 year

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WIP Wednesday

(@ 2-3 am like is considered good for me....) And wow, I mostly hit where I wanted to with this. A little more before a fade-to-black but mostly there. And again this section was giving me major issues. “Morgana, why don’t you head over to Futaba’s for the night?” Akira suggested as he typed into his phone. “Sure,” the not-cat agreed unthinkingly while grooming his fur. “Wait…” He stopped to look at Akira. A look as close to disgust that can happen on Morgana’s real world face grew as he grumbled, “ick, we’ve been back less than 7 hours.” “No idea what our plan is for tonight, so…” Akira ended his statement with a bit of a shrug. Morgana flicked his tail in agitation. “And I sure don’t want to know.” “You don’t say.” Akira undid the latch of the window before shifting to slide it open. When the window opened something small flew in. A squeak was made outside as Akira ducked and caught the object. Piercing grey met dusty brown. “Uh, hi.” Nervous smile met with a grin, before both grew larger. Yuuki slipped into a seat on the retaining wall. His smile dimmed a little as he asked, “I… I didn’t hit you, right?” “Ugg, seriously? No, you didn’t!” Morgana groused from his spot just below Akira in the window. “Oh, hey Morgana. Want some help out?” Yuuki asked as he lifted his left arm out. Morgana lept on to Yuuki’s arm with little hesitation, but used his claws to balance a bit more evenly on the boy as he crossed his shoulders. The cat then swiftly jumped from his perch on the boy. “See you love-birds tomorrow.” He paused when he called back over his shoulder as he started towards the Sakura home. “Sure, Morgana,” Yuuki more hesitantly agreed. He quickly followed it up with a “Futaba said her window will be open.” The cat-like figure just twitched his tail in acknowledgement before wandering out of sight. The higher boy had at some point began leaning over the ledge, hand supporting his cheek. “So how’d you get there?” “Uh… I walked the wall back?” “That’s a tight squeeze. Pebbles?” Akira held up the small stone. “I saw them in a thing about romantic movies recently…” Yuuki’s blush further filled his face. “Really?” “Yeah… Am I good to come in?” “So Romeo, you coming through the window?” “Yes?” Yuuki looked honestly confused at the question. Akira laughed and shook his head before explaining, “That’s fine this time but people sized things to come through the front door. If only because that’s what Sojiro would like.” “I’ll, uh, keep that in mind.” The wall sitting boy embarrassedly looked away to look towards the cafe’s front entrance. While he stood up, Yuuki took the time to measure the distance of the jump, no expression besides determination. Akira, as he watched his boyfriend backed away a little on the wall, had sudden concern wash over him even as he moved to give Yuuki space to jump to. The concerned bubbled up slowly until he started to ask, “Are you sure-”

“Yeah!” He swiftly took a half step forward before jumping and grabbing the side of the window. He pulled himself up and smiled into Akira’s face as he lifted himself in. “Would have been so much easier in the Metaverse though.” Akira’s face didn’t break the worried face even as the other boy started to move more into the room. “Hey?” Yuuki attempted to gain his boyfriend’s actual attention back as he brought his hand to the taller boy’s cheek. “Akira, I play volleyball and Sumire likes to have me help with gymnastic things sometimes. I know my limits, especially here in the real world. If I didn’t think I could make it I wouldn't have done it.” While the worry was draining as he explained, It wasn’t as fast as Yuuki knew Akira could bound back. So the athlete tried a joke: “Didn’t even try to showboat like you sometimes do.”

#wip wednesday #p5 #mishima yuuki #amamiya akira #morgana #shuyuu #royal strikers #3/?#short tag list this time #and I know you all arent seeing a bunch of things between what I posted last week and this since I want to explore how I want to do it late #aka text messages #because I write a lot of those long-term apparently #Ive got one more section before I am just straight uploading week to week with little editing/new writing between due to me skipping around #for a little bit at least #assuming I dont add things either #day 2 is short for example and only has one section I need to debate if I add pacing things to it #day 3 has dialogue pretty much done but descript(ions/ors) are pretty barren sadly #but by the time we get there should be better

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fallcrestrpg · 1 year

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ıllıllı Invasion Event 12/17: 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 3.2 - Rendall, Irwin, Dawson ıllıllı

Transcript of Event below Cut:

+Cut To - Next day

BRAXTON

In the early morning, Braxton looked like he was getting ready for battle, making sure that anywhere they were going to will be well-equipped with baby stuff. He even rented a SUV in order to fit 4 baby seats and already had a stroller that could also carry them all at once coming its way.

But for now, Braxton was walking into the gym with a baby strapped to his chest, and another strapped to his back while he pushed a stroller containing two even younger babies. Thank God there was Nix to cover because he had a feeling that Aleja was going to kill him if he left her on the floor alone. However, now that he was at the gym with four sets of eyes staring back at him, he couldn't help but wonder, "... How do I strap 4 babies onto me... ?"

RIKKE

It had taken a bit longer to get out the door this morning, mostly because she wasn't quite used to sharing a living space with so many people. She wasn't complaining though. It had been rather reminiscent of being back home to have such activity at the top of the day. Regardless, she and several of the others had been convinced that they should just go about their regular day, and honestly it made the most sense.

The only person that was up as early as herself, had been Luke -which to be honest, she couldn't be entirely sure the woman hadn't just remained awake- and as they'd had a chat, she'd given a suggestion that _now_, as Braxton walked into the gym, made sense. She eased the weights back down and reached into her duffel before walking over. "Luke said you'd be likely walk in today while trying to juggle all four infants." She glanced down. "I'm glad she was only partially right, as carriers and strollers often work better." She then reached out to hand him a garment. "To answer your question though, this might help. We keep them at the station in case we need to move multiple babies at once."

BRAXTON

His eyes lit up when Rikke offered him the garment. "Oh You're a lifesaver! Luke too! I can totally wear that yess." He already predicted that he won't be moving as much as he normally would but all he cared right now was to carry all four babies with him. "God y'all know me so well." Without hesitation, he put it on and got his babies all set up onto him. "Now we're talking. I'm going to wear this everyday now. Do.. you have a spare? You know, in case something happens?"

He slowly twirled around, making sure he was all set. "Yess, kiddos, time for work." He looked up at the Paladin, "Honestly, no one is going to listen to a word I say today because I bet you their attention is all on these four. Oh, since you're here, did Nix come in with you? She's helping out while Luke's still banned from coming back to work."

RIKKE

It never ceased to surprise Rikke how well Luke knew her 'siblings'. It seemed that in the end, it wasn't blood or even a shared name that made a family, but just the caring of one another. "Oh don't worry, we've got plenty. Our superiors seem to think that we face far more emergencies that require us to carry up to six babies at once than we actually do. Which, personally, I think is a _good_ thing, but I suppose that's not shared by all," she joked.

The Paladin had half a mind to inform him that most folks at the gym didn't pay him all that much attention anyway, unless he was leading a class, but she didn't think it would be kind to his current happy mood. She briefly began to consider what to say instead, but her face was overcome by a look of confusion at his next words. Phoenix _was_ here already, but the way he seemed to equate that with the fact she herself was here... "Yup, she's in the studio. By the way, you'll want to keep an extra keen eye on your little bundle there," she said, deflecting to Tomi. "She is feeling _mighty_ upset with you, and though I don't sense hostility towards the other kids, she does still have her powers so any bites to any one and we're all in trouble."

BRAXTON

"Yess, much appreciated - Truly. Like whoever invented these, genius." He grinned as he continued to carefully sway so it was almost like rocking the babies even if he was only doing it for fun at the moment. "I'm definitely not going to be doing any exercising in these but my god, this is sort of fun to wear."

His eyes immediately fell onto his daughter, seeing the small pout on her face. "Ahhh... Kiddo...." He cooed as he lifted her into the air, "I know! I know, I did promise first thing today! We'll go, we'll definitely go. Look, we can go like right now, and see if Erin's still home. It's still early." He looked over at Rikke, "...Is she still home?"

RIKKE

Watching him muck about, she took note of his statement of not doing any exercising with the vest on. "I don't know, I think squats would be a very practical thing to do with that...actually, I would probably _insist_ that you try and get some squats done in that thing," she teased...mostly.

Being able to sense a charge's emotions was both a benefit and curse. "Oh my," Rikke said as she shook her head to regain her own bearings. "They are still very much capable of their big-people emotions but it does not do well in their tiny-people bodies. Yes, Erin is still at the cabin, but so is Lyra...so there's that."

BRAXTON

Now he had to figure out whether he wanted to go to Keagan or Lyra. Keagan scared him, and he wanted to give Tomi time with her girlfriends... Lyra wasn't going to leave them alone - he could almost guarantee it. Instead of making a decision, he lifted his kid so that they were eye to eye. "Sky first or Erin first? Well, Sky and Miles together, or Erin and possibly Lyra."

"Something tells me that you're going to be very upset with me if I don't let you stay with them..." Braxton admitted though he was a bit sad about it since he wanted to spend time with his kid too, but whatever will make Tomi happy, he was all for it. "Um.. do you know who she picked?"

RIKKE

The Paladin had already gone back to the nearest machine, figuring her work there was done until she heard him ask her a question. She looked at him skeptically and said, "I can sense their emotions, I'm not a telepath. She was less angry when both names were mentioned, so there's no real decision to be made there. If it helps, Luke should also be at the cabin. She promised Keagan that she would do her best to work on gauging what emotions required intervention and which were just base level for any Calvetti....no guarantee Luke stuck to that though."

PHOENIX

Since she arrived at the gym, the witch had been making sure everything was ready to go for both her classes as well as the few she was subbing in for Luke while the other was still on leave. It wasn't until she doublechecked for the tenth time did she re-emerged from the rooms.. only to find Rikke and Brax (and the kids) all standing there.

She smiled at the sight, seeing Tomi being lifted up into the air - despite the small frown on the kid's face. "While Luke might help keep Lyra away from the kids, we all know that it's pretty hard to actually keep her from anything." She gave her 2 cents, "I know I've already failed at it more than enough times since the tour." From the pattern, Nix would say that Tomi will get upset either way if he tried to take her home again but she refrained from actually voicing that.

RIKKE

Rikke turned at the sound of the familiar voice, having honestly lost track of the witch once they'd managed to actually arrive at the gym. Nodding in agreement, she said, "Far be it from me to really think my input matters all that much, what with being the one with the least 'Lyra Experience', but I think if manage to get Erin and Tomi down to the basement, you and Teagan should be able to at least keep her corralled upstairs. Especially since she's constantly forgetting Teagan is human and she's a _wolf_." The paladin was still hesitant to allude to being part of the family as she wasn't sure who all knew what or even how the family would feel.

BRAXTON

He grinned at the sounds of that. "As long as Teg is there, I think we have a better chance. So off to the cabin we go!" He slid Tomi back into her spot. "I'll be right back." He looked over to Nix and then around to see if Aleja was also here. "If anything comes up, you can call me - I'll speed back." He nodded as he slipped back into his office to get the kids back into their respective seats. "Okay, I swear I'll be back as soon as I can - I honestly think that if I run into Keg, she'll never let me take Sky so Tomi might.. have... to stay with her for a bit..." He would rather if Tomi stayed with him, but he just wanted her to be happy especially since he hadn't really been there for her the first time around.

Since leaving home earlier, he was almost impressed with how fluent his actions were of getting the babies in and out of the car and then into the stroller. "Okay.. Let's hope that Lyra's not the one opening the door - she may be the only one who can hear us right now.. Well, and Luke can probably sense T, ain't that right?" He poked the babies all in the tummies.

TEAGAN

Teagan had most definitely not been expecting to just see a mass of light disappearing before his eyes when he walked back into the living room. “I legit I just left for less than a minute to grab a drink,” he groaned. He may be on ‘Lyra Duty’ for the most part, but he was also on ‘Spooky Duty’ per the Calvetti Agents.

His attention was refocused the second he saw Lyra pull the most quintessential wolf move and perk up her head to signal someone approaching. “_I’ll_ get the door, Erin I know you said you’d rather not, but feel free to use magic if you have to,” he said referring to Lyra being kept at bay. Opening the door just as the first few knocks came, he beamed and said, “Hey! Come in, come in. Let’s warm the kiddos up.”

BRAXTON

"Teggggg, my man - am I glad to see you." He grinned as he rolled the stroller in. "Let me tell you, the babies were hype to get out - I don't know if they were just hype to see someone else other than me, or just in general." He laughed before getting the babies all out of their seats. "I even got this thing from Rikke earlier and it's a lifesaver, like you wouldn't believeeee. Helps me carry all the babies. Where's Erin?" He was already looking around because one more second of not seeing the girlfriend, one more second of Tomi being upset."

TEAGAN

He wasn’t surprised in the least when Brax replied and then just kept the verbal train going. Teagan focused on helping him get the strollers inside without incident instead, honestly happy, after the last week, to see that some things really _did_ stay the same after all.

Not even the last question was enough to faze him, given that Keagan had had _a_ time trying to get Skylar out the door this morning without too many tears. “Oh, living room. It’s also where we’ve got seemingly the entirety of the Target baby section, so we can get the other three sorted out too,” he said with a wink as he led them over.

BRAXTON

"Erinnnn!" He called out as he made his way towards the living room. The way his eyes lit up at the sight of the witch - and definitely for different reasons than Tomi, "There you are." He grinned as he held the kid towards the kid, "She missed you - and Sky - a lot, but I haven't stopped by the station yet.. so here we are!" He rambled on even after handing over his daughter.

He then went over to see what Luke (Because it's most likely Luke) got for the babies, and indeed, it really did look like he was at Target right now with the amount of things in this room. "Oh wow, Okay. Let's.. get the kids settled first." The beta wolf started getting each baby out of their strollers. "Look guys, look at allll the toys we have here - and clothes - How much stuff did you guys get??"

ERIN

As a familiar voice rang out, calling out her name, the witch wasn’t quite as surprised as she would’ve been by the same action two days ago. Getting to her feet she smiled and headed in the man’s direction, meeting him part-way, her own arms outstretched and ready to scoop up her brunette tiny. “Oh love,” she cooed as the girl immediately nuzzled into her neck, “I’ve missed you too. Sky’s only been kept pacified by the fact she has her two-“ Erin caught herself, and pivoted her statement, “-uh, _aunts_ from out of town and her uncle to keep her busy.”

She smiled once more and took Tomi to sit on the couch with her. After a few minutes of focusing her attention on one of her two best girls, she glanced up and laughed lightly at the question. “Luke wound up at Target unsupervised so…not entirely sure.”

BRAXTON

"I guess Tomi is going to stay here until Sky comes home.." On that note, he wasn't even sure if he could bring Tomi back to his place again. Braxton took out a stuffed animal that caught his eyes and held it up against one of the babies. "Look, this is literally bigger than all of you." He chuckled, holding it in place so that it doesn't accidentally fall on the mini twins.

"Well, you guys are for sure bound to have everything then. Definitely don't need to worry about missing something." He laughed, ""I'll have to go back to the gym eventually.. but I don't know if Tomi even wants to leave with me." He pointed out considering just how much Tomi was nuzzling into Erin - opposite of how she was with him last night.

LYRA

Lyra had been compliant for the majority of this visit, so far. She'd had plenty of opportunity to start making remarks the second she heard the familiar truck making its way up the drive. but she had refrained. Even managed to remain tightlipped when the Tomi practically lounged at Erin like her own father was on fire...but there was only so much restraint she could muster, even _if_ she was currently distracted by playing with the other babies. "I mean, it's not like the girl was living with you _before_ she was a bab- eeee!"

The wolf rubbed at the spot where Teagan had elbowed her. "What? I'm just stating facts. Besides, we've established that they've managed to retain at least some form of their usual memories. Clearly their likes, dislikes, and wants etcetera are all still there. On the other hand, she _is_ still a baby so technically can't put up much of a physical fight if you wish to take her with you." It was almost laughable to see the baby in Erin's arms whip their little head around and give her a proper glare.

BRAXTON

Despite all the shenanigans Lyra was always up to, she had a point most of the time - surprisingly enough. This time was one of those times. Brax kept his eyes on the babies who were tugging on the stuffed animal in his hands. "I can't believe I'm saying this but Lyra's right.." He looked up to give Teg a smile for his effort to shut her up. "T's home is here with Erin and Sky after all, and it's real shitty of me to take her with me just because she's a baby now." At the glare, Brax pointed towards the kid, "See - she definitely doesn't want to go back with me so really, the only choice is to let her stay here?"

He groaned as he scooted back a bit so that his back could hit the couch, "Honestly, I don't know what would be the right thing to do. Because they're still babies so technically that sounds very irresponsible of me to just leave her here despite.. all the preparation that Luke did to literally house everyone's kid at this point."

TEAGAN

Teagan swiftly placed a hand over Lyra's mouth before she could continue to provide her input. "It's not something that comes with any kind of instruction man. There's no real precedent for young folks reverting to babies, much less for them to still retain their knowledge of being older. I think that as long as each one of them is safe and well-cared for, there's no real right or wrong answer. Even if that kid's glare would have you thinking otherwise," he joked. "Ultimately, she's your daughter, and your move is rooted in her best interest, so even if she's upset it won't last forever." At least he hoped.

LYRA

Lyra only wiggled out of Teagan’s grip after he assured the beta wolf that he’d be forgiven eventually. “Buddy, even though I haven’t personally been here to be eye witness to all of this but I’m pretty sure that it’s not the first time Tomi slept somewhere else *away* from Sky - maybe a first from Erin since they’ve started dating but ya know, I’m sure they’ll understand since they’re just babies so really, there’s nothing to be moping over about. Maybe.” She chuckled as she gone over to the other babies and picked one up. “Escape from Braxie!” She almost squealed as she took a few steps back away from said man. “Oh these little nuggies! Knowing how tall the Bean gets, I’m going to enjoy the time I have now when you’re all smaller than most of us.”

ERIN

The witch couldn't help but feel guilty about this in some way. Here was Brax, getting a second chance to be with his daughter as a baby and she herself was in some way, even if completely unintentionally, preventing him from getting that same pure joy out of it that Keagan was clearly getting. "I think it's just a matter of me having a wee talk with this one like I did with Sky this morning. So much has happened in the last week alone that I'm sure the idea of being out of each others' sight for too long can be a source of anxiety, and with them being tiny babies, they can't right process it all. But much like when they were teenagers, Tomi was able to manage her time between being with me or sky and being with her siblings, it's no different now." She glanced down at the baby to make sure her point got across.

Glancing over at Lyra at the antics she said, "Sky's always said that Miles outgrew you early on, so it might not last long."

BRAXTON

He gave the young witch a small nod, not going to hold high hopes because Braxton already half expected Tomi would rather stay at the ~~Mansion~~ Cabin. With the remaining twins, he dangled toys above them to attract their attention. "It didn't take any of them - except Sky - to outgrow you, Lyr. Your only hope was and still is Sky. Enjoy it while it lasts." He snorted. "Where is Luke?" It was odd not seeing her around to greet the kids at least. And him. Mostly the kids though.

TEAGAN

It took speed he didn't know he possessed but he managed to get to Lyra before she made a move to attack Braxton with on of the many stuffed animals in arm's reach. "I would think that as the Beta of a whole wolf-pack you'd have a bit more tactical knowledge about launching attacks on the enemy's home turf," he managed before setting Lyra back down on the couch. "Luke was here but then suddenly orbed out somewhere. My best guess is that she's either with Keagan and the girls or with Rikke and the paladins somewhere."

BRAXTON

"I'm just speaking the truth." He raised his hands in defense, "Did you forget their growth spurts? Like sky rocketed - it's like one year they were all beans, and the next they were... not." He chuckled at the memory when all the adults noticed that the gap in height was getting more noticeable by the year. "Oh.. Just now? I literally was with Rikke before I came here. See, I really would've stopped by the station but I also like.. 4 kids, and Keg has 2 so that'd be.. 6 kids at the station - that's a lot of kids."

LYRA

She managed to wrestle herself free from Teagan, and made her way to sit properly on the couch. It was to give the impression that she understood and would behave, but really it was just so she could get some space and head start in case she had to run at some point. All for the sake of providing some honesty to these people. She should be sanctified for her work, really. Glancing down at Braxton she simply stated, "That was one very longwinded way of saying you're scared of my sister."

BRAXTON

"Yes. I am scared of your sister. She has been kicking my ass since I was born." Brax admitted without missing a bit. It wasn't news at all. Who doesn't Keagan scare?? He has been SO glad that Luke's been around to act as a buffer for the most part - he prayed for his brother when said buffer was out of commission. "I also don't want to interrupt their time together! The fact that she took them to work when the cabin still had so many people says it all."

LYRA

"EXCUSE ME! Are you implying that a house that isn't even _yours_ is crowded?? Like, have you seriously just demonstrated the gall to have the _nerve_ to even suggest that my presence is a detriment to my sister's ability to bond with her babies and her baby-daddy?!" It took a full ten seconds of silence and a look at the faces Teagan and Erin were sending her way for Lyra to realize something within her little rant may have been TMI...but she couldn't really be bothered to figure out what just now. She was far too offended by Braxton's words.

BRAXTON

He held his hand up in defense while Lyra went off on him. And then silence followed.. Which then Brax had to rewind back a little to process what the younger Calvetti said. "I didn't say you were a detriment to Keg bonding with her babies and he... " He paused, looking *very* confused, "... But doesn't Keg hate Dick's guts? There's no way she'd want to *bond* with him especially when his bum is all the way in ja-" His eyes narrowed as he looked over to the other people in the room. "Am.. I missing something?" After a short pause, his eyes slowly widened almost as comically as Joey Tribbiani did in Friends. "............Who's the baby daddy?"

TEAGAN

There wasn't a real way around this, and it sucked that even though it wasn't something to be ashamed of, it was unique enough that it still had to be somewhat of a secret. _Especially_ given the fact that by telling Brax who the 'baby daddy' was, they'd be -by extension- providing him with a lot more of Keagan's private information than he believed the woman would ever be okay with him knowing from someone that wasn't directly her. As Erin excused herself to give the babies diaper changes -magic worked wonders in carrying four babies- he turned to glare at Lyra with narrow eyes before simply stating, "We're going to say me for now, and you can either take it at face value or venture to ask Keagan face-to-face as that's really more _her_ business to share than ours."

BRAXTON

"....O....kay..." He didn't really know what was going on but if Teg said don't pry, it's best that he didn't - especially when *Keagan* was involved. it was obvious that Teagan was *not* the father but he did not want to give her another reason to beat his ass when she scared him enough already. And as curious as he ever was, his survival instinct was enough to stop him. "No mentioning in front of Keg.. got it.." He made the action of zipping his lips. "Uh.. Babies. Do you think Erin needs help?"

LYRA

"The way she managed to easily slip her way out of this conversation leads me to believe she's fine," Lyra piped up, not looking the least bit affected by the fact _she_ was technically the cause of the conversation taking an awkward turn. "Besides, she's well practiced in the art handling multiple things with only two hands." If the grin now on her face was anything to go by, she was actually _glad_ to have managed to make the conversation even more awkward.

BRAXTON

Although he had known Lyra for most his life, the woman had quite the talent to make someone go speechless. "I don't... Teg.. You have such a skill." He turned over to his buddy with new appreciation all over again because he was literally the only person who could handle little Calvetti. "I.. don't really have much of a plan for today other than going to work - which I don't think is the case anymore.... so you guys don't mind if we uh.. chill here until maybe Izzy comes home?"

RIKKE

There had been little reason for her to stick around the gym after her usual workout was completed and, with her shift at the station not set to start until late in the evening, it seemed like the most logical choice to just orb back to the cabin. The paladin hadn't really bothered to think too much about what she may or may not come back to, but the sight of the Beta on their floor while Teagan acted as a human shield between him and Lyra was...about as expected as one could get in this place.

"I can only speak as a guest, but I don't see Lucas having an issue if you decide to hang out here. If anything, I think she might prefer it so she can bring Skylar back and keep her from wanting to try and fight people due to lack of Tomi."

BRAXTON

"I guess we'll stick around until they come back" He pulled out his phone to shoot Izzy a message about their whereabouts. The throuple were literal magnets, can't and shouldn't be pulled apart for any reason and he was making the effort to *not* add onto the list of asshole-y things he had already done - whether it was intentional or not. Shooting out the text quickly, he took a proper seat on the couch once he was partially sure that little Calvetti wasn't going to destroy his ankles. "...I should tell Aleja that I'm not heading back in for the day.."

RIKKE

"Oh I think she figured that one out on her own already," Rikke shot at him as she took a seat on the floor and begin to do some light post-workout stretches. "I was exiting the showers on my way here when I saw her talking with your sister, and it seemed they were discussing how they would address the two classes you had left today. I'm not really big on the whole eavesdropping thing, by the way, your sister is just really, _really_, loud."

BRAXTON

"Oh. I-Okay.." It wasn't his intention to leave everything without even a warning, but it seemed that they expected as much when he walked out of there with all four kids. The faerie and those who covered his shift needed a raise for putting up with him. "Right..so I guess they're not really expecting me back - I should really figure out my own schedule. I did not anticipate coming over this early."

RIKKE

"I am far from one to have much experience in childcare, but as a Paladin I _do_ have experience with magic being temperamental and doing all sorts of things," she began, "So in all honesty, I have zero idea as to why you all chose to try and go back to any semblance of your normal routines _one_ day after your teenage and young-adult offspring reverted back to infancy. We ourselves," she said meaning the Paladins, "haven't fully disconnected from the 'hive-mind' -as Lyra calls it- since it began, in the hopes of finding everything we can. I mean, no offense, but how dangerous would it be for you to be in the midst of crossing traffic with four babies hanging off you, only to suddenly have them become four _almost full adults_ instead?"

BRAXTON

Brax didn't know if it was meant to be a rhetorical question or not but he opted not to answer it. Everyone was apparently a workaholic, including him, but also didn't want to leave the kids alone. However, Braxton did feel a bit embarrassed when Rikke pointed out the situation. "I guess we were a bit too excited to experience things that we've never done nor were we capable of the first time around.. so our priorities are a little.. out of order." And given their positions now compared to back then, Braxton didn't know if it was harder or not to stay away for too long - they didn't even know how long the kids were going to stay like this. "I'm starting to think I'll need to make daily visits..." A daily dose of Sky and Erin for Tomi. Braxton must admit that he was incredibly glad that the Dawsons were staying over at their place because Sean got to see Ryllie majority of the time.

RIKKE

The man's words led to a sad smile, that she of course proceeded to try and hide with the help of her stretching. She had spent so much time prioritizing being a Paladin above everything else, that now that her own true memories were back, it was easier to fall back into that role than to try and view and process the world through the lens of the woman that she had been before... Even now, upon hearing him, it was certainly true that if given the chance herself, she'd have opted to spend every waking second with her son. "It's understandable to want to take advantage of the time, but we would prefer that it be done safely. In all honesty we're all trying to figure out if maybe there's a centralized location where we can have all affected families stay so we can keep a collective eye on all the affected kids at once, but that's still something we're working through." Rikke figured such a plan would also help with the groups of kids that wanted to be together at all times...even now.

BRAXTON

"As much as I would love to have them over at our place.. I have a feeling that it will most likely be held at the Radcliffe's - Lowkey surprised that Leo hadn't already magicked up a room or - a floor because let's be real, I wouldn't be surprised with what she can pull off - and designate it as the new daycare center." It'd be nice to have the kids all together in one spot so that they didn't have to go from house to house. This might just turn into one big sleepover at some point if they really wanted. "I'm glad that you have the brain cells right now." He joked - not really - because clearly no one really had it. With that, the beta wolf got off the couch and decided to see how Erin was doing with the kids. "Hoooow's the kiddos? Bet you're all giving her an easier time than y'all did with me."

#fallcrest:event007 #event007.3.2BBV #fallcrest:plotdrop #plot drop 7

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rina-writes · 2 years

Note

Hiiiii! I saw that Jack was just at his high school basketball game and it’s giving me so many ideas. Wanted to see if maybe you could write something about that.

Prompt: Jack takes his girl to his home town for the 1st time, he’s showing her around and then he takes her to his high school basketball game and she’s just so proud of him. I want a cute little moment where they’re alone, and he can’t help but feel emotional at all he’s accomplished and that he sold out all the shows in his hometown. And just like in your “seasons greetings” he talks about how his high school self would NOT know how to act if he knew he got a girl like her in the future, I just thought that was so cute and wholesome. - If u wanna add some smut in there pls be my guest 😋

Okay I love this. Especially because I saw his windowsill pic on Insta (see below) and almost passed out. I mean does that not look like a boyfriend. He's so cute and squishy. I suspect that a lot of people will be inspired by these photos and can't wait to read more fics about this. For now, I'll write a little fluffy-kinda-suggestive blurb.

Mr. It Girl

Warnings: GN!reader, Suggestive language, grinding, soft caresses, kissing, references to teacher-student roleplay

A/N: I originally wrote this for a fem!reader, but then realized that if I removed a couple of words it could gn. If I missed anything please let me know.

Jack held your hand tightly as you ran down a hall. You already felt like a teen again since you were visiting Jack's old high school. He even let you borrow some of his old sweatshirts and you did your hair up in an updo. You felt super cute, especially since the boys' soccer lettering really made you feel like a cheerleader.

But running in the halls with your superstar boyfriend, now this felt like a movie. By that you meant, a horror movie. You weren't typically a fan of crowds, but with the pandemic, it only made your worries worse. The large crowds of student screaming and clamoring for Jack really freaked you out. You were happy for him to get the recognition he deserved. And you intended to show your happiness from all the way on the other side of the room. You always dreamed of dating the popular guy in high school. Now, you realized how risky it would be. Jack often joked that he was an It Girl, but today you really believed it. It was one thing to see people who paid money to see him pass out from excitement. It was another thing to see an actual riot because he entered the building. You did a good job of not standing out thanks to Jack's sweat shirt hoodie. Also thanks to your assigned bodyguard (one of Jack's, of course) you felt safer.

When Jack pulled you into the classroom, you felt ten times safer in his arms. You both pressed against the wall, Jack ducking you both down and peeping out the window of the door. Once the sound of pattering feet and voices went down he sunk to ground with you. His blue eyes were wide and playful and he looked down at you. He was chewing a toothpick cockily, taking in your helpless stare. The way he stared at you like you were the only person in the world. To him, you were the It Girl. That was way better than dating one.

"Hi..." He whispered, his breath tickling your cheek.

"Hi..." You said, leaning forward to bite his tooth pick and pull it from his mouth.

One of his hands was pressed against your back, propping you up against the door. His free hand plucked the toothpick from between your lips and tossed it in a nearby trash can.

"I'll be occupying these lips for a moment..." Jack announced, still in a hushed voice before capturing your lips in a kiss.

The kiss started off tender, with his pink lips just massaging yours. His lips were always soft and moist because he was the most hydrated person you ever met. You relished in the closeness, moving even closer to him by sitting in his lap. Jack wrapped your legs around his waist, sitting firmly on the floor. This is when the kiss heated up. His hands slipped under your sweatshirt, knowing there was nothing underneath, happily exploring. As he caressed your body, your hips naturally began to grind into his. Jack grunted into your mouth and your tongue entered his thanks to the opening. Jack obliged, his hips grinding back into yours. You could hear your moans bouncing off the walls as you gasped for air between kisses.

Jack broke the kiss, but continued to kiss your neck.

“I always wanted to try something...” He murmured into your neck.

He put one hand on door and used it to brace himself as he slowly stood up, his other arm supporting you. You fumbled, holding tighter to him.

“I can...” You started to say, hoping to help.

“I got you, baby.” Jack cooed in your ear, still nipping at your neck.

Jack moved towards the teacher’s desk and before you knew it, he tossed you on it. He climbed on top and hovered over you, his hand on each side of your head.

“Jack, this is a bad idea.” You said, shaking your head. “What if it breaks?”

“I’ll buy another one.” Jack smirked.

“Well, how are we going to explain to...” Your head fell backward to look around the desk, grabbing the nameplate and bringing it into view. “...Mrs.Thompson, oh my gosh, Mrs. Thompson? Listen to her name. She sounds like a sweet heart. I bet she wears cute sweaters around the holidays.”

Jack, who was much more preoccupied with pulling up the sweatshirt and kissing all the exposed skin he could see, simply hummed as you spoke. “Pretty sure she gave me a C in junior year.”

“Oh well, f*ck her then.” You said, putting her nameplate down abruptly and making Jack laugh.

“I’d much rather f*ck you.” Jack smiled, finally looking up at you.

His hoodie was up, forcing his curls down to the front of his face. His eyes looked directly into yours and his shameless smile tugged at his lips. He was dead serious.

“Jack, there are children here.” You admonished him.

“I only see someone grown here right now.” Jack said, finally lifting the sweatshirt to reveal your chest. “And I like what I see...”

You arched your back despite your best judgment and sighed. “Jack, we shouldn’t.”

“Don’t you want some extra credit?” Jack teased, kissing up your chest, nearing your peaks. “Mr. Harlow may have a few assignments that can get your grade up. Since you’re been such a good pet this year...”

Your face flushed, Jack’s wandering hands not helping.

“Well, Y/N? What do you say?”

“I really can’t fail this year...” You squeaked playing your role.

You shyly met his eyes and you could see the excitement in his eyes from since you were letting him live out his fantasy.

“Well, better get to it. But first, let’s see if you came prepared for class...” Jack said, grinning from ear to ear. “....we don’t have a lot of time.”

You closed your eyes and allowed the pleasure to wash over you.

#jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #r-writes-fic

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miraculouscontent · 3 years

Video

dailymotion

It’s heeeeere! Another summasalt, this time with nearly twice the length of the first one!

(Turns out that not having caffeine doesn’t help me talk any slower.)

Script below:

Anonymous asked:

Thoughts on Rocketear?

Can you Rocketear the newest episode apart with your salt, my beloved Salt Queen?

Penny for your thoughts on Rocketear?

Aw, anon! You can have that for free! I'm a generous goddess.

"Rocketear" begins with Chat Noir and Carapace - just Carapace, really - holding back a pack of what I presume to be the physical manifestation of the writing staff's age, or at least a representation of how behind the times the writing seems.

Just as the dinosaurs break through Shellter. Ladybug shows up with the scientist who revived the dinosaurs in the first place and said scientist uses a whistle to calm the dinosaurs down. There's also a line from Bob Roth about putting the dinosaurs in a theme park to make money and I know what it's referencing but it's so incredibly random that it doesn't really come off as a proper joke.

Carapace was notably sad right after battle, but insisted that he was fine when Ladybug asked. Rena, sporting a... - I would like to say "new design" but it's a recolor in every sense of the word - is hiding behind part of a building and smiles after the heroes before walking off. Ladybug takes Nino's miraculous back but sees that he's still upset and asks him again what's wrong. Nino asks where Alya was and Ladybug claims that she only needed Carapace for the job, which cheers him up but only until Ladybug is already gone.

Mm, I guess Nino and Adrien relate in heroism not being enough for them unless they have their respective love interest to flirt with.

Also, I know this is an obvious set-up, but the show can't tell me that Ladybug just always brought Nino and Alya whenever she needed one of them. Season 3 required her to go to Master Fu to get the miraculouses, and unless she already knew that Nino and Alya would be in the same location - which, okay, the show does basically shove the two of them together whenever Nino is onscreen, fair, if two characters are in a relationship in this show then it's weird for them to NOT be with that person - but it just seems like a gamble, not to mention proof to Shadow Moth that the two are close if Ladybug constantly brings both of them.

Anyway, Ladybug goes into the sewer and asks Rena if she's seen any sign of Shadow Moth or his traps. Rena didn't see anything and they de-transform. Marinette is about to leave when she thinks of something, but Alya assumes it's about her new look, which was apparently not voluntary on her part and the suit automatically adapted to Alya's new role as Rena Furtive, which she has now named it as.

Marinette reminds her that this is supposed to be a secret and that they agreed that the fox has no owner. When Alya is evasive about whether she told Nino that she won't be Rena anymore, Marinette stresses that everyone needs to believe that Alya won't be using a miraculous anymore so that she can remain an undercover spy.

What's the point in changing the look if you're not going to show yourself anyway? I mean, insurance, I guess, but still.

Alya, exasperated, parrots what Marinette has apparently told her before: that she helps Ladybug with Mirage in case Shadow Moth tries to follow her so Rena can follow him instead. Marinette stresses the situation again and Alya tries to get Marinette to agree on her telling Nino that she's Rena Furtive, but Marinette refuses.

At Marinette's house, Alya talks further and explains that she doesn't know if she can lie to Nino since they don't keep any secrets--Alya, babe, you kept Rena Rouge from him and didn't tell him that you knew he was Carapace until Ladybug was forced to give you your miraculouses at the same time. I don't wanna hear it.

Marinette states that it's too late for that and also not technically a lie, but Alya gets upset and says that Nino will never trust her again if he finds out that she kept something from him. Marinette brings up how she had to keep secrets from Alya too, but they're interrupted by Tom appearing and wanting to play games with them. Marinette makes an excuse about homework that she's repeated many times, as Tom comments that the teachers give her too much. After Tom is kicked out - hang on, lemme just... - Marinette uses the moment to show Alya that she's lied to her family a lot and hasn't played games with her father in months. She states that there's no other option as they have to protect their identities, and Alya agrees to talk to Nino.

In Alya's room - I just presume at this point that Nino's house doesn't exist and Chris is an illusion - Alya tells Nino that they need to talk, but stammers and states that it's hard to talk about. Nino thinks that she wants to break up with him, but Alya assures that she loves him. She finally gets to the cover story that Rena herself made up in "Sentibubbler" and Nino understands, sad that she won't be around anymore but agreeing if it's what Ladybug thinks is best.

Is it weird that Nino respects Ladybug's wishes more than Alya does?

Nino hugs her and is confused by why Alya was nervous to tell him, as she can tell him anything and nothing will change their relationship. Alya feels guilty and hugs back, murmuring about how they don't have any secrets; that's not what Nino said, but sure, push this plot to its already predictable conclusion. I mean, I thought it was vaguely sweet that Nino switched to seriousness immediately when Alya said that she wanted to talk, but how am I supposed to be invested in this couple when their dynamic boils down to "STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMAN who wears the pants in the relationship because her boyfriend is portrayed as a wimpy coward"? Like, the show constantly dragged Nino down to make Alya look "powerful" by comparison, and then when it comes to characters like Marinette, we get a girl who works very well outside of her relationship with her endgame love interest.

It's the fakest form of "girl power," dragging guys down to raise girls up or actually making a strong girl character but having her love interest be a weakness that creates flaws in her that weren't there originally and having that love interest be who she's "destined for."

I'm rambling, sorry.

In class, Marinette assures Alya that she did the right thing and Alya agrees. As they're leaving school, Marinette talks about how their "night walks" start soon, and Alya non-subtly talks about how Rena Furtive will be on the lookout while Ladybug and Chat Noir patrol. She stops, however, as gets excited about some pictures she took of herself as Rena Furtive, which has a lot of details that Marinette hasn't seen. I don't know whether to groan at what I just heard or remind everyone that Rena Furtive is literally just a recolor and therefore this is the writers patting themselves on the back for this design, so let's just move on.

Alya then shows Marinette her phone--AUGH, MY EYES--and suggests making a poll on her Ladyblog so people can vote for their favorite Rena design. Marinette has to stress again that Rena Furtive is supposed to be a spy and thus invisible, which Alya admits that she forgot about.

Okay, I've been holding off on talking about this, but now seems like the best time to bring it up. Alya has been a trash friend as well as a trash confidant, and her role as Rena Rouge boiled down to, "it was convenient for her to be the fox at the time it was needed." She's not particularly stealthy like one would expect of a fox, and she was easily one of the worst candidates to be told Marinette's big secret. I'll get more into this later, but I have to stress that Alya has treated Marinette no differently since learning of Marinette's identity and has already gone against Marinette's orders once before at the time of this episode airing. Episodes are constantly torn between validating their decision to have Marinette tell Alya, having Marinette be worried about the decision while the show considers her to be ridiculous for it, and then having Alya either consider or make choices that clearly don't gel well with what's good for her role. Much like Marinette, she lacks a sense of self-control and--wow, a female character who's impulsive, never seen that stereotype before.

Point being, "Sentibubbler" stressed over and over that Alya was the right choice and deserved to be both the permanent fox and the understudy for guardian, but then we have "Rocketear" here where Alya is making basic emotionally-driven errors that I'm not even remotely sympathetic to when Marinette has gone through so much worse over the course of three+ seasons.

*sigh*

Alya laments that it's hard to find new content for the Ladyblog - ah, yes, tell me more about your struggles, Alya - but figures that at least she can post stuff about Chat Noir instead of--I don't know--making fake Ladybug theories to lead people off Marinette's trail. Marinette says that it's a great idea, though Alya still doesn't look too happy. The scene then rewinds to a little bit to show a different point of view, this time with Adrien and Nino. Wait, this feels familiar, wasn't there another episode that did something like--ohhhh no, this is going to hurt.

After saying good-bye to Adrien - something I wish I could do every time he's mentioned or on-screen - Nino catches the bit of conversation where Alya talks about the Ladyblog. Nino talks as if Marinette isn't there and asks Alya out to the movies because Marinette is chopped liver and this is about Alya and how sad she is, guys.

Wow, she's turning into Adrien faster and faster.

Alya hesitates, but Marinette assures her that there's still time. Alya excitedly runs off with Nino and they watch what I presume are previews given the narrator, featuring recycled footage from the Ladybug PV. Nino is upset because Rena is mentioned but not Carapace, and the preview features Rena telling Chat Noir to forget Ladybug because it's Chat and Rena herself who are trulu made for each other.

I don't know what's funnier; the complete lack of self-awareness or the suggestion that a biracial couple would exist in this show outside of a special that gives them maybe a minute of screentime and acts more like suggestive canon anyway. I think I might've been too generous with that line about dinosaurs.

Nino is offended by the preview and Alya brushes off his comments, stating that it's just a cartoon and it's made to entertain people, though Nino himself is certainly not entertained. Can't say I entirely blame him considering that Alya doesn't really try to say anything substantial or even agree with him. No cuddling or reassuring kisses, she just gets slightly sad and turns to her phone for a bit.

After the movie, Nino is cheered back up again until he catches Alya on her phone once more. He offers to take her home, but she's distracted, and he comments that what she showed to Marinette looked pretty nice; I don't know because they didn't show it. Nino asks what it was and Alya evades the question, stating that her battery is running out. Nino is suspicious, but spots Andre's ice cream cart and the two head over there. Andre calls them his favorite couple and asks what they want, but Alya sees Ladybug gesturing for her and has to run off, giving Nino a cheek kiss as she goes which feels like too little too late at this point.

Nino catches some conveniently-placed kids arguing over who Chat Noir loves, but they settle on the fact that girls in general love Chat Noir. Nino is then seen at the Seine watching the Ladyblog's latest video, where Alya is talking up how amazing Chat Noir is. I hate to stop every five seconds to complain - okay, actually I don't - but I presume this video must've been made after the movie since Nino seems like the type who would actively follow his girlfriend's blog, yet not only is this video perfectly set up to echo the kids and the movie preview, but Alya - despite apparently caring about her boyfriend soooo much that she kept trying to convince Marinette to bend the rules - didn't even try to warn Nino or text him so he doesn't take it too seriously. It's like "Sentibubbler" with the conflicting messages about identity rules; Alya cares about her boyfriend but both isn't thinking about how he'll take the things she says and apparently doesn't know him well enough to realize that he wouldn't be mad over her keeping a secret that she was told to keep. I already talked about how they play up Nino to be the emotionally weaker one of the relationship, but then they don't have Alya try to cover or make up for that. She's been acting very much not like Alya - you know, the one who in "Sapotis" practically bragged about how great she'd be at covering for Ladybug - with her stutters and weak excuses, so I can't completely blame Nino for being upset after everything that's happened when he sees the writers projecting onto Alya as she talks about how Chat Noir is brave and funny and cute and showing all these images of him as well. I don't agree with all of his actions, but--oh yeah, speaking of which--

Nino calls Adrien and is talking to him about how Alya must be in love with someone else. Adrien dismisses the idea, as Alya and Nino are together basically all the time, and asks who she could possibly be in love with. When Nino suggests that it's Chat Noir, Adrien laughs and jokes about it being Fang instead. Nino points out the video but Adrien did see it but is overall unphased and convinced that it means nothing. Nino says that he'll find proof and hangs up, but Adrien is certain he'll find nothing. Plagg comments that Nino will find someone because Plagg's charisma has definitely contaminated Adrien.

Ugh.

Adrien expresses concern that he put on the cat's charm too much and accidentally made Alya fall for him, and decides to visit Alya as Chat Noir to be sure.

Meanwhile, we get a reference to film noirs as Nino narrates. That's the second blatant reference this episode and now I feel like they wrote this script while doing a movie marathon.

Chat Noir arrives at Alya's house and Trixx hides before Alya opens the curtains to reveal her surprise guest. Nino is nearby watching the scene with his phone as Alya wonders aloud if something's wrong. Chat assures that everything's fine, but brings up the video she posted. He insists that it made him happy, but points out that she's been following him and Ladybug since the beginning and that they know each other much better due to everything that's happened. He has some conveniently-worded dialog as he starts to say that he hopes something's just an illusion and Alya gets worried that he's about to bring up Rena. Chat continues and clarifies that he wonders if she started to feel something for him, though adds that he understands because just look at him.

UGGGGH.

Chat clarifies by making a heart with his hands, which Nino sees. Alya laughs at this gesture and states that she has a boyfriend, doing the same heart gesture and suggesting that her love for Nino is even more than that. Chat Noir apologizes - hm, I didn't know he had the capacity to do that - and hugs Alya, saying that he was just confused.

An absolutely unnecessary hug for two people who, at least in terms of their current selves, have had very little screentime together, but this is also the show where making eye contact basically means your friends and it's all just to push the plot along so Nino inteprets that Alya is in love with Chat Noir, so whatever I guess.

Alya states that Nino is far more irresistable than Chat, then adds that she doesn't even know his secret identity, and she'd never fall in love with someone she doesn't know. Nino then runs away upset and the scene cuts away to the next day where--

Wait, wait, wait, hang on a second. Two things right off the bat there.

First off, we're just gonna sidle past that "wouldn't fall in love with someone you don't know the identity of" while ignoring the existence of the love square? Not even Chat thinking about how he doesn't know Ladybug's identity and trying to excuse that he doesn't have to? This guy is that certain of their relationship?

Secondly, Nino is practically sobbing and Shadow Moth doesn't take this as his opportunity? Same guy who akumatized Mr. Pigeon 72 times and has akumatized Gigantitan more than once? What is this pacing???

But--alright, so Adrien comes into school and sees Nino, still dressed up in his detective gear, which gets ignored completely as Adrien goes to tell him about Chat Noir and Alya. Because the show doesn't know how Adrien would convey this within reason, Nino interrupts him, taking him down into the lower part of the school where he has a desk and chairs set up. Adrien goes to ask when Nino had time to do this, but Nino slams his hand on the desk to cut him off. Nino presents the evidence he took and they go back and forth, likewise with Adrien turning off the background music while Nino turns it back on. Adrien insists that it's a misunderstanding, but pleads innocent when Nino asks how he knows. Adrien states that Alya is just a superhero fan and that she and Chat Noir have nothing in common.

Again, the complete lack of self-awareness is astonishing.

Adrien repeats what Alya said about secret identities and how she wouldn't fall for someone she doesn't know - they're really ignoring this, aren't they? - and continues hitting Nino's soft spots about how unlikely it is until Nino decides to tell Adrien something he's not supposed to.

He tells Adrien, not only that Alya is Rena Rouge, but that he's Carapace. Adrien goes through a range of emotions beyond sAD for once, shocked at the fact that they know each other's identities. Nino states that they don't keep secrets from each other, except now Alya is with Chat Noir. Adrien still doesn't understand and brings up how secret identities have to be protected, or else Nino wouldn't have told him because Ladybug wouldn't agree to it.

Oh, here we go. So that's why they waited.

Nino states that it was Ladybug herself who gave them their miraculouses at the same time; not giving the reason why, of course, nor pointing out that they're temporary heroes so there's understandably some leeway. Adrien is having a moment, but manages to bring the subject back to Alya and Chat Noir, who he still doesn't think are a thing. Nino argues that it's because Adrien doesn't know Chat Noir, but he does because he's Carapace and knows how Chat Noir acts. He says that it's all flowers and confessions when Ladybug appears, but he gets rejected because Ladybug thinks that he's annoying, and she's right. He adds that Chat flirts with Rena Rouge and that's all that needs to happen, with Chat stepping in on the first mission Carapace lost in. Nino laments the loss of the love of his life and wishes to shut Chat Noir up forever; we all do, Nino, we all do. Shadow Moth finally steps in with - oh, less than eight minutes left in the episode, yikes - and Nino is akumatized into Rocketear.

Rocketear rejects Adrien's pleas to stop, insisting that Chat Noir is who he's after, not Adrien, and Adrien transforms in sad fashion despite Plagg's reminder of who Rocketear is after. Alya, meanwhile, is in the art club with Marinette - wait, since when was Alya in the art club - telling Marinette about how Chat Noir thought she was into him due to the video, which Marinette groans at. There's an earthquake and they peek outside to see Rocketear firing his tears at Chat Noir, shouting that he stole Alya from him. Chat Noir tries to tell him otherwise, but Rocketear won't listen.

Alya groans at Nino doing this, then she and Marinette set off to find a place to transform. They conveniently go to the same place Adrien and Nino were, so they see the desk that Nino had set up.

Genuine question, how seriously does this episode want me to take itself, because now when I recount all the unnecessary love square drama in my head - because you know that's where this is going - I'm going to have to think, "Nino, dressed in a detective outfit, ripped off his fake mustache and told Adrien both his and Rena's identities, and also that Ladybug was totally cool with it and thinks that Chat Noir is annoying."

Gettin' two completely different vibes here. The episode clearly wants to be important but it doesn't take itself seriously either, which it totally could while including enough jokes to keep things light. Instead, I'm just left scratching my head and wondering what tone they're going for.

Marinette finds Nino's phone on the desk - I'm calling continuity error on that one because he at no point put it on the desk, at least not on-screen - and she questions Alya on the video she sees. Alya insists that nothing happened, apparently completely unphased by her boyfriend having spied on her, and says that he wouldn't have misunderstood if he'd heard the actual conversation.

The two transform and Ladybug immediately uses Lucky Charm, receiving a projector. Ladybug is clueless and Rena Furtive suggests creating an imaginary movie like Nino. Ladybug gets an idea, remembering Alya's earlier comments, and Rena confirms that she remembers every word of it.

Aaaaand, just like that, all of the tension has been completely sucked away. You know, "Backwarder" was a trash episode, but at least when Ladybug was showing every step of her plan, she didn't tell us what it was.

Meanwhile, Rocketear and Chat Noir are still arguing--I started zoning out at hearing the same thing over and over again at this point, so I just presume they were fighting over who does stuff behind their love interest's backs better; I don't think they came to an agreement but they're both losers anyway.

Chat Noir says that he'll prove his innocence, tossing his baton aside to show him giving up, but Rocketear points out that it proves nothing and strikes Chat Noir with his tears.

Our endgame love interest, everyone. Straight As yet about as smart as a sack of bricks, and that at least won't flirt with anyone non-consensually.

Chat Noir makes a point that he doesn't want to hurt Rocketear, and Shadow Moth tells Rocketear to take his miraculous before finishing him. Chat Noir can only weakly tell him not to before Ladybug snags Rocketear's wrist and diverts the shot. Ladybug explains to Rocketear about the projector and how it'll let him hear the audio of the recording he took. She adds that she doesn't know what Chat said, but she trusts him.

Marinette, I'm sorry, I feel so bad for you.

Ladybug turns on the projector and Rocketear relaxes at actually hearing what was going on. Rena then de-transforms and hurries out to meet with Rocketear, hugging him as Rocketear apologizes for doubting her. Alya also kinda sorta apologizes in a way I don't understand and Rocketear then breaks his akumatization, very casually, all on his own.

Yeah, just--casually, in a matter of seconds in fact. You know, it's really sad when people resisting akumatizations are more tense and emotionally compelling than them breaking them. This is twice in one season now and has zero impact considering that Nino's reason for being akumatized was already taken care of so he had no reason to stay akumatized anyway. Him breaking his own object to release the akuma would've at least been different, but instead it's just a repeat of what Alya went through with even less tension considering that Alya's wasn't even that good in the first place, relying on her relationship to Ladybug rather than who she knew to be her best friend.

Moving on, Ladybug captures the akuma and uses Miraculous Ladybug to bring everything back to normal. Shadow Moth monologues about how love and secrets don't go well together and he's sure that she has a lot and I'll talk about this later.

Ladybug hands over the magical charm, which Nino takes but insists that he won't need it, as he'll never let Shadow Moth use his love to manipulate him again. Plenty of other things to get akumatized over, but they gave the supposedly ace character a robot to help him stick out and also gave the supposedly aro character a miraculous back in season one to give her more importance. If characters aren't in love then they need something to ceompensate for it.

Nino apologizes to Chat Noir for being wrong and Chat Noir assures him that everyone has doubts, even him. He gets sad and Ladybug asks him what's wrong, but he insists that he's fine - officially throwing away his right to be upset at her later as far as I'm concerned - and they do their usual fist buuuuu--

...Really?

Everyone then splits up and Chat Noir sulks by himself instead of--you know, talking to Ladybug, or asking her anything, or making any sort of excuse for her because that would mean he actually has faith in her and understands that their partnership is different from temporary heroes, even if the excuse was as basic as her wanting to protect him more than the others because he would be that egotistical if they didn't want to stretch out this unnecessary drama.

Later on, Adrien is staring at a picture on the Ladyblog that might be a metaphor for the show considering how "in the foreground" Chat Noir and Rena are.

Adrien vents about Ladybug giving miraculouses to Alya and Nino, but Plagg states that she's the guardian. Adrien clarifies that he's referring to Alya and Nino knowing each other's identities, but Plagg doesn't see the issue. Adrien gets huffy and asks why the rule exists for LadyNoir but not Ninya, but Plagg again points out that she's the guardian, so she makes the rules, though obviously he uses cheese metaphors to convey it.

Okay, Plagg is only, like--half-right because he doesn't have all the information. If you don't mind me rambling for a bit, I'm on the fence here because, on one hand--yes, I agree that Marinette should be allowed to make her own rules, and I often do that in my writing because I think she should be permitted leeway in order to let herself be happy, but on the other hand, it's not technically her rule, as she had to let Alya and Nino in on their identities back in the Season 2 finale, so Fu was still around for a season. She wasn't even guardian yet!

Now, presumably so the fandom could blame Marinette if anything happened, Marinette never discussed this with Fu on-screen, so I can't say whether or not Fu knew, but I feel like he must've since Marinette had to have told him the heroes' identities off-screen, given "Party Crasher," and thus I imagine that Marinette would tell Fu everything that happened, which is consistent with what she does on-screen even if she'd keep things from him for a little while.

"Furious Fu" had also established that not even Master Fu followed rules completely, meaning that Marinette is in this awkward spot of mostly following what Fu taught her, which aren't all guardian rules anyway, and having to break the rules on occasion for various purposes. I can't say what Fu approved of and what he didn't, because episodes spend so much time on the love square that they forget about Marinette as a person and how she interacts with everyone else. From an emotional standpoint, I can't blame Marinette for not revoking the miraculouses of people whose identities get discovered because of her, as I imagine she feels guilty and it probably doesn't seem fair to force them into another miraculous or have them be entirely without one because of a mistake that she made, meaning that someone needs to be throwing a lot of red flags for Marinette to be through with them.

Though obviously, from the show's standpoint, it's just an excuse to not make new models, but I complained about that enough in "Sentibubbler" and this episode even went out of its way to design a detective model for Nino while spraypainting Alya's bodysuit in the same breath, so this is the world we live in.

Anyway, Marinette is essentially in this position where she still has Fu's rules hovering over her, but she's also trying to step out on her own and make her own decisions to varying degrees of success or failure depending on your point of view. Tikki--wait, no, bad idea--Su-Han then, could easily give input on these things, perhaps with Marinette discussing a modern day set of rules for someone her age and going back and forth with Su-Han on what the right choices to make are, finding something that's comfortable but within a realm of predictable control. Su-Han was okay with some rules being broken after seeing how Ladybug handled them and they could've easily made this episode about that instead, but instead, we get rules being set and then being broken on a writer's whim.

Which now brings us to the end of the episode, where Marinette is on the phone with Alya and apologizes for causing trouble between her and Nino. Alya tells her not to worry and she'll fix things - you know, those things that, to Marinette's knowledge, have already been fixed - and asks if Marinette trusts her. Marinette does, and Alya hangs up in order to face Nino.

Yeah, that feeling of dread in your stomach? That means you know how predictable the writing is and what's about to happen, good for you.

Alya explains that she has to tell Nino something and he's worried, this time trying to sheepishly break the tension. She explains that she's still Rena Rouge, much to Nino's shock, and adds that she's in hiding, which is why Ladybug didn't want her to tell anyone. Nino asks why she's telling him if she's not supposed to tell anyone - proving my point from a while back that he wouldn't have been upset had she kept it a secret - then asks if Ladybug agreed with it.

I want to give him a pat on the back for considering Ladybug, but he didn't even tell her when he had the chance that Adrien knows his identity now, so I'm just beaten down at this point.

Instead of answering the question directly, Alya says that she can't hide her identity from him because she loves him and they don't have secrets.

You know, like Nino telling Adrien about Rena's identity, or Alya saying specifically that she's a permanent holder, which I'm sure both of them will confess to since they said that they don't have--aaaaand the episode ends on happy triumphant music, okay.

I mean, I guess Alya at least didn't tell him that Marinette was Ladybug, but that is such a low bar and not even remotely worthy of congratulations when Alya told Nino the specific thing that Marinette told Alya not to tell; the thing that they had agreed on.

Nino wasn't upset anymore. He won't be getting akumatized either. Alya endured the supposed hardship of being a permanent fox holder for four episodes before breaking down and telling her boyfriend. Even her excuse doesn't hold any water because, again, they're both still technically keeping a secret, particularly Alya who knows Marinette's identity as Ladybug. The episode also apparently forgets that Alya and Marinette's friendship must not be as strong by her logic of telling Nino specifically everything, as Alya kept Rena Rouge a secret from Marinette for all of Season 3, but tells Nino about continuing to be Rena Rouge in Season 4. Boyfriends before BFFs without explicitly saying it, or to be more specific, whatever screws Marinette over the most, because that's what this comes down to, made worse by "Optigami" where Marinette told Alya that she'd tell her everything and I guess that doesn't go both ways.

"Sentibubbler" had Alya stress that no one would ever know. She promised Marinette and told Marinette to trust her, and the episode spent its entire running time talking her up and assuring Marinette that she was the right choice, even considering Marinette ridiculous for worrying when Alya had done something without Marinette's permission the episode right before it. Then, three episodes after "Sentibubbler," when Marinette is finally comfortable and trusts Alya completely, Alya betrays that trust. Nino betrayed that trust, knowing he wasn't supposed to do so but telling Adrien his and Rena's identity anyway, because he was losing an argument and needed to PROVE something.

Marinette gives them an inch and they take a mile. Marinette bent the rules so that they could continue to have the miraculous they'd started with and they disrespected her because it was hard for like a day.

And if this bites them back, it won't reflect poorly on them, it'll reflect poorly on Marinette.

It's not like Alya just overrode Marinette. She didn't go, "Hey, I'm telling Nino, I'm sorry," or tried her hardest to go back and forth with Marinette until they both agreed. No, she did what she told Marinette she wouldn't do without saying a word to her, because LOVE and SEEEECRETS.

And this only applies to her, of course, because don't think I didn't notice the parallels between this episode and "Truth," because WOW.

Episode begins with Marinette hoping for something and it blows up in her face? A date at the cinema that ends on a sour note? Plot-centric couple trying to get Andre's ice cream and the female with a secret needing to leave in a hurry? Boyfriend character getting akumatized over their girlfriend's secret? Boyfriend assumes/suggests that the girlfriend's secret involves Aaaaaadrien - or his alter-ego in "Rocketear"'s case - and the episode hints as much to him even though he's completely wrong? Akuma's colors are blue and black? THE BRIDGE?

But, ahhh, little difference, here and there, y'know, like how Marinette was forced to break up with her boyfriend while Alya got to keep hers, and Nino got to have long talks with Alya while Luka got little to nothing with Marinette.

Because do note that Alya, while trying to convince Marinette and talk to Nino about not keeping secrets, at no point suggests that Marinette deserves to be happy and deserves to have a boyfriend and that Marinette should be allowed to tell Luka her secret so they can get back together, so you have Alya here selfishly prioritizing her relationship with Nino while making no comment about Marinette's relationship, essentially asking Marinette to allow her what Marinette herself didn't have the luxury of, and Alya knows this because Marinette told her. It is both incredibly insensitive of Alya and incredibly insulting of the show to make so many parallels between this episode and "Truth" just to have everything crash down for Marinette because she's Marinette while everything goes well for Alya and Nino because they're not Marinette.

We've talked before about the formulas that are literally baked into the show, and one of those is how Marinette makes a mistake in every episode and has to learn from it. What that mistake is in this episode, I don't know, but considering that she apologizes for Alya and Nino's problems, I guess the show blames her for what they themselves had taught her.

Point being, there's a clear karma system in place, but it only applies to Marinette, and forcing her to mess up in every episode means that she is literally not allowed to be with Luka because had she been able to clear things up between them, he would've eagerly accepted her and they could've been happy. It'd be too difficult for her to mess up when Luka doesn't put mountains of pressure and expectations on her like everyone else. Factor that in with how she can be herself around him and it leads to situation that are too difficult for her to screw up in because her mistakes - more often than not - center around Adrien or her role as guardian.

And because another rule in the show is to bring up Adrien so they don't "lose him for too long," she can't avoid bringing him up either. If he's not in the plot, he has to be mentioned, leaving Marinette in a lose-lose situation that she'll never be free from.

So, let me just get this straight then:

The guy who spied on his girlfriend instead of talking to her about his assumptions gets to keep his girlfriend, not because he realized it was wrong regardless of whether he was correct or not, but because the situation had been cleared up for him, yet the guy who actively resisted his akumatization, saddened by his girlfriend's secrets but wanting her to share them when she was ready, gets broken up with and tossed to the wayside because he's not a rich blond boy who got a miraculous because he happened to be within the twenty meters of space where Fu was searching for new holders?

Meanwhile, the girlfriend who has gone against the wishes and insistence of her best friend - guardian of the miraculouses, by the way, so she calls the shots, something that Alya herself said in "Optigami" BEFORE GOING ON TO DO HER OWN THING IN THE SAME EPISODE AND BEING REWARDED FOR IT - is allowed to go against the wishes and insistence of her best friend again for the sake of "all love, no secrets" with her boyfriend and so she can have the happy ending she wants, yet the girl who was chosen for a miraculous without her consent, forced to screw up and talk about a random boy who doesn't even go out of his way to spend time with her, treated like absolute trash by writers who find humor in her misery, and is the only one to receive overly harsh and long-lasting consequences for her actions while also covering up and forgiving the actions of others within the episode where they do it...

doesn't get her happy ending, and won't ever get her happy ending. That thing Shadow Moth said about love and secrets not going well together? Yeah, only goes as far as the writers want it to, because both Nino and Alya still have secrets, and some of the ones they did tell each other were forced by someone else and kept until that very moment. This idea that people in love have to tell each other everything and that it makes a relationship stronger makes me immensely uncomfortable, and that lesson is also in "Guiltrip."

People should be allowed their secrets, and obviously there are exceptions for things that are being hidden with malicious intent, but being essentially forced to share everything or risk not having a "full and complete" relationship is stifling and sounds like it'd only cause stress.

This episode sucks. It furthers and confirms everything I've already thought about the show, Nino's screentime continues to be dependent on Adrien, Alya, or both, there are pointless references that completely take me out of the experience, and the utter betrayal from Alya and supposed message of the episode just reminds me that Marinette is inevitably going to be stuck with a guy who didn't even DO anything in this episode and is going to let himself stew instead of asking for any sort of clarifications from someone he apparently trusts so much.

So the takeaway is that Marinette's life is awful, she'll be forced to apologize for rules that she didn't even come up with herself, her best friend will walk all over her for the sake of her relationship with a guy - not even for the sake, really, they were going to be fine, it was more for HER personal comfort if anything - and the guy who actually makes Marinette happy and could've known her identity instead BECAUSE HE AT LEAST DIDN'T HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF SPILLING HER SECRETS gets treated in the exact same way that she does; like nothing, just something to abuse unfairly.

What a waste of an episode.

#MC's Videos #category: episode summaries #category: salt #salt: adrien agreste #salt: chat noir #salt: alya cesaire #salt: nino lahiffe #video: critique #MC's Renders #render: persona #episode: Rocketear #((I would usually apologize for rambling but you guys seem to like it lol.))#((I could still afford to trim down the summary probably and repeat myself/ramble a BIT less but yeah.))#((I'm also feeling a little more comfortable this time around))#((which might come off in my inflections.))

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scuttling · 3 years

Text

Lean on Me

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Gender Neutral Reader Word Count: 4,717 Tags: SFW, Fluff, 5+1 Trope, Obliviousness, Mutual pining, Aaron Hotchner deserves good things, Canon typical injury Summary: Five times you want to kiss the frown off of your boss's face, and one time you actually do it. *Requested by Anon. Link to AO3 or read below! “It doesn’t make sense.”

You stick a tack in a photo of a murdered woman—unfortunately one of many you’ve stuck to this board—and turn to face Hotch, who is looking over your handiwork with a quizzical expression.

“What doesn’t?” He takes a few steps closer, crosses his arms in front of him.

“Why would the unsub leave his comfort zone? The first six abductions occurred within five miles of the college, so why did the seventh and eighth happen almost twelve miles away?” He reaches for the board, traces his finger along the circle Reid had colored in on the map. “We profiled that he’s disorganized and far from confident, so why would he do that?”

He looks over at you, frowns, and not for the first time your gaze is drawn to the little crease between his eyebrows that always forms when he is puzzled, worried, confused, stressed, or otherwise unhappy. In short, it’s there kind of all of the time.

For the first time, though, you think of how easy it would be to lean over, press your lips there, smooth it out, and maybe even get him to smile for a change. He has a great smile, when he lets people see it.

You shake the daydream, rewind back to the question he asked, and wrinkle your nose in thought.

“Maybe his circumstances changed? It's summer now, and there are still classes, but students aren’t living in the dorms. Maybe he moved back home or got an apartment off campus that’s within that area—or a job.” He sighs, runs a hand over the back of his head, nods.

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. That’s good. I’ll mention it to the others.” He pulls out his phone, and you grab another photo, another thumbtack, but something stops you and you lay a gentle hand on his arm.

“You don’t have to think of everything, you know. That’s why you have us.” He exhales, his shoulders losing a little of their tension, and that forehead wrinkle gets a little less deep.

“Sometimes I forget that not everything needs to be done the hard way. Or by me.”

“What? You, Aaron Hotchner, doing things the hard way?” you tease, and you are gifted a glimpse of his rare, unfiltered smile.

“Okay, enough pointing out my flaws,” he says with a raised eyebrow, though he’s still smiling, and as he looks down to type out a text, you remember to pull back your hand.

“I would never.” He looks up from his phone at that—maybe at the conviction in your voice, which you hadn’t exactly intended—and his expression softens further.

“I know you wouldn’t.” You hold eye contact for a moment, and then turn to finish preparing the board, pinning up another photo of another woman and reminding yourself that they need you to focus on the task at hand. Two weeks later, you knock on Hotch’s office door, a stack of completed consults in your hand. He looks up, that familiar notch in between his brows, a scowl on his face; when he sees that it’s you, he tones it down a little.

“Draw the short straw?” he asks, and you figure that’s because everyone knows he is in a bad mood and they’ve been avoiding this office all day. You shrug.

“It was rock, paper, scissors, but yes.” He huffs a short laugh, and you smile, step toward his desk. “Anything I can do to lighten the load?”

“Technically you’re adding to it,” he says with a glance at the files in your hand, and you set them on one of the chairs with a purposefully loud thump and then take the other seat.

“Technically. But technically, you only need to review my consults; I can review theirs. Right?” He mulls it over a moment, like the thought never crossed his mind—of course Aaron I have to do everything myself Hotchner would never suggest such a thing, even as the team sits in the bullpen with nothing to do, seeing who can throw M&Ms into Spencer’s mouth from the furthest distance.

“Technically,” he agrees, and you pluck a pen out of his pen cup and take the first file off the pile, open it in front of yourself, careful not to cut into the workspace he’s occupying. You both smile softly down at your work, and you actively do not think about that wrinkle between his eyebrows.

About an hour later, he reaches for his mug out of habit but finds it empty; you stand, take it in your hand, and he makes a noise of protest.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know,” you say, and you walk toward the door. “I need some too. I’ll be right back.”

You pass through the bullpen—apparently the M&M contest led to a sugar crash, because Spencer is laying with his head on his desk—and grab your cup off your desk, take both to the break room to fill them.

Derek appears next to you as you’re stirring your sugar in.

“Coffee date with the boss?” he asks with a curious expression, and you shake your head.

“Of course not. I’m helping him with the overwhelming amount of paperwork on his desk so his mood improves, instead of just ignoring him.” You raise an eyebrow in challenge, and Derek scratches the back of his head.

“Never thought of that,” he admits, and you pat him on the arm and take your coffees back upstairs.

Hotch looks up at you as you set his mug down, says a soft thank you, and you grab the pile of files you brought up, separate them, and head back downstairs.

“You review mine,” you say to Derek, handing him a stack, “Emily take Spencer’s, Spencer take Derek’s, I’ll take Emily’s.” They look at you like they have no idea what to say, and you just smile, tap the top of Spencer’s head with a folder. “I’ll come back down and grab them in a little bit.”

“Yes, boss,” Emily says, and you grin on your way back upstairs. Hotch is standing when you arrive this time, looking out the window over the bullpen.

“What did you do?” he asks, turning to you, frowning again. You’re so close that kissing that wrinkle would be effortless. All you’d have to do is lean in.

You smile.

“I delegated, Hotch. You should try it some time.” You put your hands on his arms and guide him back to his desk. “Now what can I help you with?”

By the end of the day, his desk is clean and his bad mood is long gone. He closes the last of his files, sighs deeply, covers your hand with one of his, and says thank you.

The next morning when you come in, there is a steaming latte and a cookie on your desk, and you can’t stop smiling the rest of the day. Your next case is draining, children abducted and left for dead, and everyone is on edge, but no one more than Hotch. You’re fairly certain his face hasn’t relaxed since the initial briefing, and he’d be a prime candidate for the old ‘your face will get stuck like that’ joke, if anyone was up to joking.

The team catches the unsub, saves one child, but not until after three are dead; you take a late flight home because no one wants to stay another night in a town it feels like you’ve failed, and everyone curls up to get some rest except you and Hotch.

You try to read the book you brought along—a science fiction dystopian novel, something to get you out of your head and away from real life problems—but you’re a little distracted by Hotch’s sighing. It’s become an every-five-minutes thing, and while you’re definitely on board with sighing as a way to decompress, he’s not decompressing. He looks like he’s in pain mentally, exhausted physically; you’re not sure how everyone else was able to ignore it and go to sleep, but then you figure everyone else may not be as in tune with him as you are. As observant.

As in love.

Not that that matters: you know your issues, and some of his issues, and there’s the whole superior/subordinate thing which doesn’t really do anything for you except give you a stomach ache. It would never work out, even if he somehow, miraculously, were to love you back—and that’s a pretty big if in and of itself.

But still, you notice him, can’t help it, and the sighing is getting to be a little much. You sigh yourself, put your finger in between the pages of your book, and walk over to take the seat next to him; he looks over at you, frowning just like always, and you carefully close his file and set it aside.

Neither of you say anything to the other, just look each other over for a moment, and then you lean lightly against his shoulder and flip back to the beginning of your book.

“I still dream of the island. I sometimes approach it across water, but more often through air, like a bird, with a great wind under my wings. The shores rise rain-coloured on the horizon of sleep, and in their quiet circle the buildings: the houses grown along the canals, the workshops of inkmasters, the low-ceilinged taverns.”

You keep your voice low and soothing, and you are just turning to page fifteen when you feel the weight of his head drop onto your shoulder.

The crease between his eyes melts away in sleep.

You read until you make it home, and you wake him up with a gentle nudge before the rest of the team drifts back to consciousness. He looks at you, blinks slowly like he’s trying to remember where he is, and then gets a little sheepish when he puts two and two together, realizes he fell asleep on your shoulder.

You just shake your head, give his arm a squeeze, and head back to your seat to gather your things. You, Hotch, and Emily are catching the elevator to the parking garage—after staying two hours later to work on some rush consults straight from Strauss—when he looks at something on his phone that makes him groan aloud. You and Emily share a look, and you ask what’s wrong.

“I just remembered I’m supposed to have a treat for Jack to take to school tomorrow and it’s, what, seven thirty?”

“So just stop at the supermarket on your way home; no one can tell the difference anyway,” Emily says, but you and Hotch both shoot her a skeptical glance.

“It’s all about the treats at a school like Jack’s,” you supply, and Hotch looks over at you like he’s surprised by your comment. “If they’re not homemade, the parents talk. Plus there’s probably an allergen list a mile long: no nuts, no eggs, no soy, no dairy. You have to pick him up from Haley’s tonight, right?” You’re pretty sure, but when he nods he confirms it. “So pick him up, go home and get some dinner, put him to bed, and I’ll text you when I’m on my way over with the goods. I have a great recipe for vegan apple cinnamon muffins that will go over really well.”

“You really don’t have to do that; I’ll figure something out,” he says, but you just shake your head and pull up the recipe on your phone.

“Forget it, it’s already done. I have everything I need at home already; let me help,” you murmur softly, and when he looks at you with the furrowed brow that comes with accepting kindness from someone else, you almost forget it’s not just the two of you in the elevator. It’s only when Emily clears her throat that the eye contact breaks. He nods.

“Okay. Thank you; I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything.” The elevator dings and it stops at the parking garage; the three of you get off and head in separate directions for your cars. “I’ll text you.”

“Goodnight,” Emily says with a grin, and you wave at her, hop into your car, and head for home.

About two hours later, you show up at Hotch’s door with two dozen apple cinnamon muffins, and unbleached, whole wheat flour in your hair, and he has coffee brewing, a smile on his face.

“You don’t know how grateful I am,” he says as he ushers you into the kitchen, takes the boxes of muffins from your hands, and pours you a cup of dark, delicious coffee. You sip it slowly, savoring the taste—you should have known he’d have incredible coffee—even though it’s far too late for you to be indulging. Unless you’re working a case, you usually switch to decaf by three.

“I know you are. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think you’d appreciate the gesture.” You lean forward, open a box, and pull out two muffins, handing one to him. “I made a couple extra so we could taste test; if I accidentally put salt in instead of sugar, you’re on your own,” you joke, and you wait for him to taste it before taking your own bite.

“That’s delicious. There’s really nothing unapproved in here?” he asks, and you shake your head.

“Nope, it’s all healthy and allergen free, except for the flour, but that wasn’t on the list you sent.” He reaches a hand toward you, and you don’t realize, at first, that he’s brushing the flour out of your hair.

“Messy baker,” he teases, and your heart feels really full, being in his kitchen like this, warm muffins and fresh coffee, even if your hair is a mess. You smile, and he smiles back before dropping into that serious expression, eyebrow wrinkle and all. You think about brushing your lips there tonight, but this feels like two steps forward, and you don’t want to risk taking that step back. “Next time I’ll help you.”

“Oh, next time? You plan on needing my baking expertise again? Fair warning, this is the only recipe I know, so I hope you like apple cinnamon muffins.” You take a sip of your coffee, look up at him, and he takes another bite, nods his head.

“I do. Especially these.”

In a perfect world, what comes next would be a cinnamony, coffee flavored kiss, but the world’s not perfect, and you yawn instead. You look down at your mug like it’s betrayed you, and Hotch chuckles low.

“It’s decaf. I know you usually stop in the afternoon; I wouldn’t forgive myself if you were up all night because of me.” You have always been a person who falls in love with all the little details about someone, so the fact that he’s noticed this, remembers this, makes your heart beat a little faster. “I should let you go. You’ve done so much today, between staying late and baking for Jack—for me. You need to get some sleep.”

He’s right, it’s nearly ten, and you should be getting back home, but this is a moment you never want to end.

You just nod, though, and he reaches out to brush his hand over your back when he walks you to the door.

“Thank you again. I really appreciate that you did this for me,” he says, soft, like he still can’t imagine you would.

“You’re welcome, Hotch. Any time, really; I’m happy to help.”

You get home, clean your kitchen, and have a very late dinner, and the smell of good coffee and apples and cinnamon is still in your nose when you drift to sleep. “You didn’t hear what he said,” Hotch snaps almost a month later, with one hand splayed on his hip and the other on the table in front of him. The moment you saw him engaged in an argument with a member of the Sheriff’s department, fire in his eyes, you’d grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into a small conference room, shutting the door behind you. It took almost three minutes of staring at each other for him to say something instead of just glaring at you for interrupting the pissing contest.

“I don’t need to know what he said. I know you, and I know you handle people like that with a quick, sharp remark and then you wash your hands of it. You don’t argue back and forth, you don’t draw it out. You would have regretted it if you did that today, so I stopped you.”

“You think you know me so well, do you?” he asks in an unkind tone of voice you can’t identify, haven’t heard from him before; the expression on his face is familiar, though, a scowl that only puts emphasis on his handsome features—it’s unfair, really.

You exhale, cross your arms.

“Yes, and I know you well enough to know you’re irritated with him, not me, so cut the shit.”

It’s the first time you’ve ever been quite that direct with him, and certainly the first time you’ve ever sworn at him; your immediate instinct is to apologize, but he surprises you by huffing a laugh. The angry lines of his face smooth into something softer.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. He just—I can’t stand people like that.” He scrubs a hand through his hair in irritation. “We’re here to work—to do a job they couldn’t finish on their own. Not to be… objectified.” He mutters the last word, so low you almost don’t hear it, and then there’s a knock at the door. Derek enters.

“Sheriff wants a word, Hotch; do you have a sec?” With one last look at you, he nods, brushes past him to leave the room. Derek gives you the barest hint of a smile. “He was defending your honor, you know.”

You frown. You didn’t know.

“That jerk was talking about me?” you ask, clarifying, and he nods.

“Something about assuming you’re an athlete because he likes your ass. Set the boss man off.” You walk over to him and leave the room together, heading back to your workspace.

“Well Hotch is right, we’re here to work, not to be objectified. I can see how he would get angry.” Derek shoots you a flat, questioning glance.

“You think he’d be getting that worked up if it was my ass that guy was talking about? Or Emily’s?” The two of you stop outside the conference room, and you cross your arms, lean against the doorframe, frown.

“So what are you trying to say? That he sees me as being weak, thinks he needs to defend me? I'm as capable as either of you.” That may not be strictly true, because you’re a little more brains than brawn, like Spencer in that way, but you can hold your own and you thought Hotch knew that.

Derek just laughs, shakes his head, and ducks into the room. You follow, so confused.

“I thought you were just playing it close to the vest, but you’re oblivious, aren’t you?”

“Oblivious about what?” Emily asks, pen between her teeth, feet kicked up onto a chair, and you shrug.

“I’m still not sure. Hotch got into an argument with a deputy about me, and I asked Derek if Hotch thinks I’m weak and that’s why he felt like he had to defend me.” She smiles broadly around the pen, pulls it out of her mouth with a grin.

“Oh, honey. That’s not it. You know that’s not it, right?”

“I clearly don’t know what’s going on at all, so no, if you’d care to enlighten me,” you say, sinking into an empty chair. “I hate it when you guys are cryptic.” You love your team, but they have a habit of doing this all the time, saying things to each other with their eyes, or just a few words that don’t have any sensible meaning that you know of. It’s like they live to talk over your head, to say things without actually saying them.

“Okay. Hotch has a thing for you,” Emily says simply, and you blink.

Well that’s the very last thing you’d expected to hear.

“He absolutely does not.” You look at Derek, who’s making a face like you’re the one being crazy; you laugh out loud, can’t help it. “He does not. I’m pretty sure Hotch doesn’t have things, and if he did, he wouldn’t have a thing for me.”

“Why not? Because that would be too convenient, since you have a thing for him too?” Derek asks, taking the seat across from you, and you grab the nearest case file, flip it open and focus your attention on it.

“I care about him, the same way I care about all of you, and he maybe needs a little more care—but you guys are reading into things.”

Thankfully, you don’t have to say anything more, because Hotch, JJ, and Spencer return, and you all have a lead to work.

You can’t help but wonder if you’re being obvious about your feelings, though, especially later, when you get back to the hotel and the group decides to have a drink at the bar.

JJ and Emily hit the pool table while Derek and Spencer head up for drinks, and you are left sitting with Hotch at the table, pressed together in the inside corner of a booth.

“Tired?” you ask him, because he does look worn out, his tie a bit loose, his eyes a little red. You know he doesn’t get much sleep when you travel, and you can’t imagine he’ll go to bed even when this little detour is over.

“Always,” he sighs, but when he looks over at you, he smiles, just a little. “Just can’t wait to get out of this town.”

“Yeah, it gives Southern hospitality a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?” The people you’ve interviewed today are, on paper, quite respectable, but there’s a Desperate Housewives, ‘everyone is sleeping with someone else's spouse’ kind of thing going on, and it’s honestly exhausting. To your surprise, Hotch laughs.

“It really does. I don’t think I’ve ever missed the quiet solitude of my apartment quite this much.” You lean back against the vinyl of the booth, sigh.

“I miss my apartment, but it’s been too quiet lately. I prefer the sounds of someone else sharing space with me: the coffee maker percolating, the news in the background, the shower running, the sound of flipping the pages of a book or magazine.” You look down at your hands, because you’re getting a little more emotional than you usually let other people see. “Sorry. I’m not typically this open about being…”

You trail off, but Hotch looks over at you, concerned, the wrinkle between his eyebrows even more noticeable when you’re sitting this close. You think, just briefly, of running your thumb over it, but with your luck, Derek or Emily would see, and you’d never live it down.

“Lonely?” he finishes softly, and when you nod your head, he covers your hands with one of his own, bumps his shoulder against yours. “I get lonely too. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” You look up at him, feeling a little vulnerable, and his expression softens. “When we get back, maybe you could come over for dinner some night. Nothing fancy,” he clarifies, and you smile, “just two lonely people being a little less lonely.”

“That would be really nice.” You can see Derek and Spencer approaching out of the corner of your eye, and Hotch must too, because he removes his hand, slips back into the slight, persistent frown you have come to know and love. Derek looks at you, raises an eyebrow, and hands you your beer. You try to tell him to shut up with your face, plan to follow up later to see if that actually worked. “We have an agent down on the second floor,” Spencer says into his comms, and you immediately want to slap him in the back of the head.

“Don’t say agent down, kid; I’m like, slightly wounded at best.” You hold a hand against the stab wound on your side—the unsub honestly just grazed you, and you’d knocked him out with a single punch, which made you feel pretty awesome—and reach out the other so he can help pull you to your feet. Your hand comes up to your own walkie button. “I’m not down, I’m fine—just slightly stabbed,” you add, and Spencer is getting his cuffs on the unsub when Hotch and JJ burst through the doors.

Well, Hotch bursts. JJ follows behind looking strangely winded for one of the most naturally athletic people you know.

“What happened? Are you alright?” he asks, and you lift your shirt to show him the sluggishly bleeding gash.

“I’m fine, see? It’s not even deep. Spencer saw blood and got a little ahead of himself.” You turn to Spencer, who sticks out his tongue, then back to Hotch, who looks haunted and pale, with that goddamn wrinkle between his eyebrows again. He’s bent down, looking over your wound seriously—you’ve had worse, so much worse, that you don’t understand why he’s so worried about it—and then he leans up, presses a hand to your cheek, and pulls you close for a soft, tender kiss.

If this were a movie, right about now a camera would be panning around you in a circle, as you wrap your free hand around his neck, pull him closer, melt against his body like it’s all you’ve been dreaming of for months, and the two of you would break apart smiling, maybe even kiss again.

It’s not a movie, though, so you just bleed out against your hand and freeze, because Hotch is kissing you at a crime scene and you almost got filleted, so you’re not sure if this is a you got hurt, so I’d better kiss you kiss or an I’ve been wanting to kiss you forever, and you got hurt so I have to kiss you kiss.

When he breaks the kiss, you’re both breathing a bit heavily, and you don’t know what to do, so you just lean in and press your lips to that wrinkle between his eyebrows that you’ve been thinking about so frequently since the first time you noticed it. You brush a hand through his hair, and when you pull back, he’s smiling.

“What was that?” He covers your hand on your side with his own and helps get you toward the elevator so you can be patched up by the EMTs; JJ and Spencer are left staring, open-mouthed in your wake, with an unconscious unsub at their feet, but neither of you are concerned about that.

“I’ve been thinking of doing that for months now: to kiss that spot between your eyes so you’ll stop frowning for a change. Since I couldn’t, I decided to find other ways to help you stop frowning so much. It kind of became my life’s mission.” He sighs, puts his arm around you and holds you close while you wait for the elevator to bring you to the ground floor.

“I stop frowning when you’re around because you’re around, not just because of the things you do for me,” he tells you, and he presses his lips to yours for another warm, soft, perfect kiss. “I’ve been thinking of doing that for months now.” You tilt your head, make a sound of contemplation, and he chuckles softly. “What is it?”

“I think those cryptic idiots we work with might be onto something,” you say with a grin, and when the elevator lets you off and Hotch helps you toward the ambulance to be patched up, Derek and Emily are waiting with concerned looks on their faces. They must be pretty confused to see you’re grinning from ear to ear. “Hey, you guys were right; Hotch does have a thing for me!” you call as you walk past them, and when your wound is properly dressed and wrapped, you put your arms around his neck and let him kiss you until the frown and accompanying wrinkle are nothing but distant memories.

*The novel excerpt is from The Weaver by Emmi Itäranta.

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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Anakin and the Jedi Babies: Where There’s a Whill, There’s a Windu

Context: original post, chrono

(Summary of the AU: Disaster lineage got tossed back in time. Anakin stayed 21-ish, but Obi-Wan and Ahsoka got deaged, took new names for time-travel reasons (Ylliben and Sokanth, or Ben and Soka) and have been officially adopted by Anakin.)

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“You’re attached.”

“You’re just now noticing?”

Master Windu eyes him for a few long moments, and then joins him on the ground. Anakin can’t help but smirk. There’s something gratifying about having respect from the man, in this life.

“The other members of the council are concerned.”

“And you aren’t?”

“I am, but for other reasons,” Windu says.

Anakin doesn’t meet his eyes, doesn’t even respond for a long minute. He just looks out over the Room of a Thousand Fountains, spread out below them like hundreds of jungles pieced together in a jigsaw of flora. It’s been his favorite room in the Temple since he was a child, and it’s always overwhelming.

“Most of them have accepted that you adopted them because of Mandalorian customs, and that you stayed where you were due to the will of the Force,” Windu continues. “But they are… uncomfortable with how blatantly your attachments show.”

“Mandalorians are loud and refuse shame. It rubbed off.”

“You said you would kill for these children.”

“I’m their father. That’s kind of expected.”

Windu’s expression is tired. A little tired of stress, but mostly tired of Anakin’s shit. “You know what I’m trying to get at.”

“Do I?”

“Skywalker.”

“No, I’m serious. I need you to spell this out. I’ve had a million slightly-contradicting lectures on this topic, and I’ve been told pretty clearly that I misinterpreted a solid half of them. If you want a constructive conversation, you can’t be vague. I’m thirty-three years old and a father of two, Master Windu, so yes, I’m attached. What you mean by that word is going to change where this conversation goes.”

It’s gratifying to see the Master actually think it over.

“Ylliben’s tattoos have been causing the most recent stir,” Windu finally says. “They nearly all relate to family, whether new or old, and the symbolism is concerning to those who are already upset about the Mandalorian upbringing. They worry that he’ll remain too tied to people he grew up with, and unable to maintain neutrality in future diplomatic ventures, or at risk of a fall if one of the people he’s seen fit to memorialize is injured or killed. The assume a similar state of mind may be applicable to your daughter and yourself, especially given the off-color jokes about how possessive your children are about each other.”

“They’re worried about emotional immaturity,” Anakin summarizes. He offers a wan, unimpressed grin. “They do realize he’s fourteen, right? Nobody’s emotionally stable at fourteen. The hormones are out of whack.”

“I’m aware,” Windu grinds out. “And I’m aware that your histories, of war and all such things, make your ties much stronger, but you can see why the Council worries, especially those who are wary of the memories your children carry but won’t explain. I’m the only one you’ve told, Skywalker.”

“Plo and Depa know.”

“Plo and Depa aren’t on the council.”

“Yet.”

“Skywalker.”

He relents. “It’s not about Mandalore, Master Windu. It’s about Tatooine.”

Windu lets that sit for a few moments, and then sighs. “I don’t know enough about Tatooine to parse that.”

“Shmi and I are former slaves,” Anakin says, as bluntly as he can. “I was freed at nine, she at eleven, and for all that we are free, we’re not freeborn. We were born slaves, and raised slaves, and we were freed too late to forget that life. The way we think is always going to be affected by the way we grew up. That applies to all sentients, more or less, but it’s… the slave mentality is completely at odds with Jedi teachings, because Jedi teachings can only be taught in a safe environment.”

Windu nods slowly, and says, “That does make sense, but it’s… forgive me, but that’s why we don’t normally take children older than four.”

“From the perspective of teaching cultural values, that makes sense,” Anakin allows. “Teaching a Jedi child that’s cared for with communal resources that they do not need material things to be happy is fine; trying to convince a slave child of the same, someone who grew up being told they do not deserve material things, and that their owner can take anything at any time, including family? I lived that life, trying to adjust to ascetic Jedi values that coincided poorly with slave rules. I know exactly how poorly that transition can go when the person caring for the child doesn’t know how to handle the points of conflict.”

“Do you regret joining the Jedi?” Windu asks.

Anakin shakes his head. “My Jedi master, bless him, cared, and tried very hard, but he wasn’t ready to handle a kid like me and in hindsight, I know that. He needed grief counseling, and I needed therapy, and neither of us was getting it. I don’t… I don’t believe anyone in the Temple would have known how to handle a kid like me.”

“But you don’t regret it.”

“I was meant to be a Jedi,” Anakin says, as firmly as he can without getting unnecessarily bitchy about it. “My struggles with the Code aside, I was meant to be here. But the Temple doesn’t have any resources for children who come older, and I think… I think you do need that.”

“You just outlined why a child can’t follow the Code if they come from a different enough background,” Windu says.

Anakin shakes his head. “No, that’s not—I think a kid like me can learn to be a Jedi, if a little unconventional, if they’re taught correctly. The desperation to cling to anyone and anything you have can be unlearned. It takes time and effort, but it’s possible. Soka and Ben are good at balancing Tatooine care with Jedi control. If you talk to Ben, you get an entire philosophical breakdown about it, but I’m more concerned with the child psychology, because that’s what could have broken me.”

Windu frowns. “You’re building up to something.”

“I think the Jedi need programs for children found older who can’t become full Jedi,” Anakin asserts. “Even those who cannot reconcile what they absorbed growing up with the Code and Jedi tradition… they, we, need guidance. The Council tried to reject me for being too old, and now that I’m grown I understand why, but… Master Windu, what do you think would have happened to me if I hadn’t had my Master to fight for me, and had been turned away?”

“We’d have looked into placing you back with your mother and, upon finding out that she was still enslaved, secured her freedom,” Master Windu says. “Qui-Gon Jinn had taken responsibility for you, and thus you were a ward of the Temple until such a time as you were safe again. It would have been cruel to keep you from your mother if we were not to raise you a Jedi, and crueler still to allow you to return to slavery.”

“And you think I’d have been safe with her?” Anakin asks. He needs Master Windu to understand this. “You think that would have ended well?”

“You don’t?”

“Ventress,” Anakin says. “Maul. Aurra Sing, even.”

Windu considers that. He looks across the grand, green room of the garden, and finally speaks. “You think you’d have been found and corrupted by a Sith.”

“I’d already helped Naboo win a battle. I was a powerful child with no support system in this respect, eager to please,” Anakin says. “Ventress and Maul both got twisted into Sith Apprentices. Aurra Sing was just a bounty hunter, but… even if the Jedi had never found me, and the Sith remained unaware, do you think I’d have ended up better than Sing? Or would the pressures of slavery have led to my Fall anyway, eventually slaughtering my owner, the Hutts, the entire system of Tatooine’s hells?”

Windu rubs a hand over his forehead. “I understand what you’re getting at.”

“It’s not just me,” Anakin says, as carefully as he can. “Even without the Sith, there are plenty of Force-Sensitive children in terrible situations that are liable to Fall just because of how power is wielded by those at the bottom. Refusing to take on students who are already at risk… the Jedi are meant to monitor Force users to prevent Sith and other dark-aligned people from harming the galaxy. It’s one of our primary duties. If the Jedi are allowing darksiders to rise just because of an age limit…”

“I get it,” Windu says, just a little aggressive. “I understand. Give me a minute.”

Anakin tries to wait. He’s older now, he can do that. He can be patient.

He tries to convince himself that it’s true.

“You have a point,” Master Windu finally allows. “And with the knowledge that the Sith are out there, still, it’s a more salient point than most would think. The EduCorps already has a subdivision for teaching meditative techniques to low-level force users who need to learn shielding but aren’t sensitive enough to be Jedi, or are just too old, but I see your point about encouraging a program for powerful Force-Sensitives that aren’t discovered early enough to integrate into the community in full.”

“And a more comprehensive Search pattern for the Outer Rim?” Anakin suggests. He shrugs at the look he gets. “What? You’ve seen my midicount. I was on Tatooine for almost a decade, and the only reason anyone found me was that Qui-Gon had to crash a ship in the middle of nowhere. I’m sure the Force led him to me, given all the coincidences, but that’s still a solid nine years that nobody did, despite how I apparently ‘shine like the sun’ or whatever.”

“Humble.”

“The last time I took a midichlorian test on a portable counter, it literally broke the device. That’s not arrogance, that’s just absurd.”

Windu looks exhausted by the comment. Anakin can’t bring himself to feel too bad about it.

“What about Jedha?” Anakin suggests instead. “Jedi find the kids, but if they’re too old to be Jedi, we could coordinate with one of the temples at Jedha to see about having them raised in the traditions of the Whills? They’re a little less orthodox, aren’t they?”

“In some respects,” Master Windu says. “More constrained in others, but… it’s a possibility. Most of the overlooked children, yourself included, are from parts of the Outer Rim that aren’t part of the Republic, Skywalker.”

Anakin shrugs. “And many of them would have been happy to be found and collected by a Jedi, even if they couldn’t become Jedi. Not the Dathomiri, since they’ve got their own thing going on, but… from what I know about Ventress, she actually did have a Jedi Master before the situation on Rattatak became… what’s the word… untenable? He died and she was left alone, and she’d been a slave already and it just… did not end well for her. But that was a planet overrun by pirates and warlords, and would have been approved as a planet the Jedi could help without it being a weird colonialism thing… if the Senate weren’t made up of cheapskates, at least.”

“Skywalker.”

“My name isn’t actually a reprimand, you know.”

“You’re not supposed to just say that,” Windu groans, running a hand over his face. “The Senate’s choice in funding is not optimal, but insulting them in that way, even in private—”

“They’re assholes,” Anakin says, and doesn’t let his humor show. “Except my late wife, but she’s not part of the Senate in this time, so I feel no shame in accusing the entire shitshow of being cheapskates.”

Windu looks about ready to push him off the ledge.

“You’re never allowed to go on diplomatic missions, are you?” Windu mutters.

“Unless it’s to Mandalore,” Anakin clarifies. “Also, never send me to Tatooine. Ever. Please. I kriffing hate that planet.”

“I’m going to assume you have plans to kill a Hutt if we ever send you to—”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Windu sighs. “I’ll discuss this with the Council, see how they feel about reaching out to Jedha for your suggestion regarding the Whills.”

“And you’ll tell them not to worry about my kids?”

“Skywalker, they are never going to stop worrying about your family,” Windu tells him.

“That’s fair.”

#Anakin Skywalker #Mace Windu #Obi Wan Kenobi #time travel #de aging #Jedha #Jedi #Phoenix Posts #Anakin and the Jedi Babies

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five-rivers · 3 years

Text

While You Still Can

For Ectober Day 2: Scream

Warnings: Accidental self-injury, repeated injury, minor blood, muteness.

The first time Danny got laryngitis was the day after returning from the bad future. He’d been a bit of a baby about it, too, because not being able to communicate effectively while already feeling like garbage and being depressed wasn’t great. Jazz had been very understanding about it all.

He got it again the next time he used the Ghostly Wail, and resigned himself to the inconvenient side effect. The Wail was sort of a last resort power to begin with, since it drained so much of his energy and left him vulnerable. He hoped that with time and practice it would get better.

He hoped in vain.

The day after Tucker's resignation from the student body presidential race, Danny, Sam, and Tucker splayed, exhausted and still slightly sandy, in Sam's basement. They'd settled on watching a nature documentary at some point, although none of them were really paying attention to it.

Tucker sighed heavily and readjusted himself so that his legs hung over the arm of the loveseat he’d commandeered. “So, I’m tied with Danny for most frequently possessed,” said Tucker.

“Seems like it,” said Sam, lazily twitching her foot to kick Tucker’s. “Unless mind control doesn’t count as being possessed.”

“Ugh. I hate this. Do you think we should try to practice throwing off overshadowing again? I hate that, too.”

“Dunno. Danny, do you think that would do any good?”

Danny, because he had the attention span of a caffeinated squirrel, tried to answer verbally. This was painful and did not work well.

The sound from the documentary briefly dissolved into something that wasn’t quite static. All three teens sat up, straight and wary of any ghostly intruders.

Danny’s ghost sense did not go off. Danny, who hadn’t been looking forward to how his ghost sense would feel against his abused throat, sighed in relief.

“Wait,” said Sam, “the static- Danny, was that you?”

Danny shrugged. If it was, it wasn’t on purpose.

“Maybe… Can you try to talk again?”

That would hurt. He made a face.

“I know,” said Sam. “But if it was you, don’t you want to know?”

“Could be the start of a new ghost power,” said Tucker, lying back down.

Danny rolled his eyes, but once again tried to speak. Once again, the sound of the documentary cut out, replaced by something else. Something that wasn’t words, but also wasn’t just random noise.

“Weird,” said Tucker. “So. New power, I guess. Do you think you’ll be able to do that without your voice gone?”

Danny shrugged. It wasn’t like these things came with a guidebook. Also, this didn’t seem particularly useful for anything except getting his friends’ attention when he was temporarily mute.

“I wonder if it works on recordings,” mused Tucker. “It’d be useful for making sure no one catches you transforming on film.”

Ah. That was true.

“We’d have to test it,” said Sam.

Danny dropped back onto the floor. He didn’t want to do anything today.

“Later?” suggested Sam. “Maybe once your voice is back?”

Danny gave her a thumbs up.

Danny’s voice came back the next day, as usual. Trying to mess with audio electronics had no effect, so they sort of forgot about it and ignored it. It wasn’t important.

They didn’t think it was important.

Danny kept using his Ghostly Wail as a trump card. His voice always took a vacation afterwards, but never for too long. Never long enough for Danny to worry. His parents were making noises about bringing Danny to the doctor, maybe a throat specialist. But they were ridiculously easy to distract.

Everything was normal. Everything was fine.

Until Technus came by with a massive upgrade, courtesy of Vlad, Danny suspected, and Danny had to use his wail twice in a row.

He managed to cap the thermos before he doubled over, coughing. Blood speckled the asphalt below him. Which was disturbing for a number of reasons, not least of which being that he was in ghost form, and shouldn’t be bleeding red at all.

He heard a gasp, and twisted in a way that probably would have broken a normal, human spine.

Sam and Tucker were looking at him with a great deal of consternation and worry.

“Dude…” said Tucker, softly.

Danny winced, and his rings flickered.

“Don’t do that now,” said Sam, scoldingly. “Shoot. We need to get you to Frostbite or something. That’s- Oh my gosh. Frick.”

Danny grimaced. They’d seen him more beaten up, but this amount of blood from the mouth probably was a more disturbing image than bruises and random cuts.

His rings flickered again.

Tucker swallowed hard. “We’ve gotta… Um. Somewhere to transform. Yeah.”

“Alley,” said Sam, pushing.

Danny let go of his transformation as soon as he was out of sight, and leaned against Tucker. He was so incredibly tired. He coughed, lightly, and more blood dribbled from his mouth.

“Oh, gross,” complained Tucker. “Are you, ah, jeeze, you’re not okay.”

No joke.

“Frostbite,” said Sam. “Danny, you up to- What am I saying, of course you’re not. Tucker, you’re going to have to drive.”

“Uh,” started Tucker.

“Since I’m going to be dealing with first aid stuff.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah, I can drive.”

Danny wheezed as Tucker made another wrong turn and almost plowed them into a half-melted wall. Sure, the Speeder could phase through just about anything here, but that ‘just about’ was a significant concern.

Plus, going too far that way would put a lot of extra time on their journey. Like. A lot. Some kind of fourth spacial dimension nonsense.

“Sorry!” said Tucker. “Did your parents update the controls or something?”

They had, but Danny couldn’t exactly explain how at the moment. He shrugged.

Eventually, they did arrive at the Far Frozen. The yetis took one look at Danny’s pale face and the blood dripping down his chin and rushed him away to their hospital. Frostbite arrived, and the next hour or so was a whirlwind of tests and scans, particularly of his neck and throat.

They… looked worried. Which made Danny worried.

They gave him good painkillers, though, and lying on the ice bed did wonders for his tension.

Frostbite came back. “Great One,” said Frostbite. He settled himself, fur shifting. “Your Wail is an amazing power. From our scans of your core, it looks like you are also going to develop other vocal powers.” He paused. The silence stretched long and deep. Normally, Danny would have tried to fill it. “But,” said Frostbite, finally, “those powers are not compatible with your human vocal cords. Using them damages your human vocal cords.”

Danny nodded.

“Your ghost half will replace them,” said Frostbite, “but they… they would not be at all the same.”

Danny tilted his head.

“You are probably confused, because you speak in your ghost form, but the structures are very different. You… You would be unlikely to be able to communicate in a way humans would understand, without significant practice. Not while you were in your human form.”

That… didn’t make sense. He communicated with people now. Frostbite and the other ghosts communicated just fine.

“It’s just the type of ghost you are,” said Frostbite. “You are… powerful, Great One, bound to a powerful and painful path. I am sorry for that.”

There was something so pained and apologetic in Frostbite’s tone that Danny started shaking his head. He hardly knew what he was saying, and he still couldn’t help but reject it.

“I am sorry, Great One,” said Frostbite, “but if you keep using your Ghostly Wail, your human half will become mute.”

Frostbite knew, then, just like Danny knew. Danny wouldn’t be able to stop using his wail. Not while people were in danger. He couldn’t abandon people he could save.

Tears collected in the corners of his eyes.

It made him want to scream.

(While he still could.)

#danny phantom #ectoberhaunt trick #ectoberhaunt 2021 #ectober 2021 #ectober #fic #fanfic #ectober day 2: scream

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joonessence · 3 years

Text

The moon // pjm

⤷part of the In the cards series

pairing: jimin x fem oc

summary: It’s never-ending, what Jimin feels for you is constant and boundless. But you don’t know, you’ve never known, and Jimin thinks that’s okay. Until you find out and think that it’s not.

rating: M (18+)

tags: friends to lovers au, smut in the forms of tit play, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, kinda sub jimin but not for long, very slight possessive jimin (squint to see it), unprotected sex, very slight praise kink, creampie, cum eating, i hate doing the tags y’all i think this is it

wc: 4k

notes: this is part of my tarot cards series so the banner below is the spread for this specific fic, kinda lets you know what to expect

Jimin can’t help but to watch you from across the room. His eyes follow your movements as you lightly shove Jungkook, teasing him about something Jimin isn’t following, deciding that his attention was better spent looking at you. This isn’t the first time Jimin has lost himself in observing you, in fact, it happens more often than he’d care to admit. At first, Jimin tried to control it, quickly averting his eyes when he realized he was staring just a little too hard. But soon, Jimin found it impossible to look away from you.

See, when Jimin first met you all those years ago, he realized quickly that he’d have trouble getting you off his mind. The way you made his heart beat too fast and his palms get all sweaty were sure signs that he had it bad for you. He figured it would go away soon because it was just a small crush, nothing to worry about. But for Jimin, it never did seem to go away. When he was with you, he just wanted to be closer to you, ensuring he always had the chair beside you to get a front row seat to your radiant smile. When he was away from you, all he did was think about you and your pretty laugh.

Yeah, Jimin’s got it really bad for you.

He thought about confessing to you countless times. Confessing that he ached to be beside you always, that no matter what he did he just couldn’t seem to get you out of his head. God, he wanted to tell you so bad. And he’d get close to it too, pulling you aside, saying he needed to tell you something important. Only, when the time came for him to speak, nothing would come out and he’d find himself scrambling to make something up on the spot.

Although he wishes you knew how he felt about you, Jimin thinks it’s okay that you don’t know. He’s happy to be in your life regardless. Even if he doesn’t get to be the one who takes you out and takes you home and takes your clothes off. God, Jimin wants to take your clothes off.

“Isn’t that right, Jimin?” Your voice directed towards him pulls Jimin out of his thoughts that are quickly turning obscene. “I mean, you know Jungkook pretty well. Wouldn’t you agree?”

You’re looking at him with your eyes wide, waiting for him to agree with you. You’re wearing such a simple outfit but Jimin thinks you look so pretty like this, loose dark green t-shirt half tucked into your jeans and your baby hairs framing your face. Jimin flushes at your prolonged attention on him.

“S-sorry, I wasn’t really listening,” Jimin stammers, partly because he was still unsure of what you were asking him and partly because you just make him nervous.

Jimin’s heart pounds in his chest when you narrow your eyes at him like you’re suspicious of his answer. Just as you open your mouth, Jungkook interrupts, taking your attention off of Jimin. He sighs out a shaky breath. That was a close one, Jimin can’t let you catch him staring like that again.

You and Jungkook continue your playful bickering about God knows what. Jimin doesn’t care enough to start listening, probably wouldn’t even be able to hear the two of you over the sound of his own heart beating so loudly. Sighing, he gets up and steps out onto the balcony for some much needed air.

Hearing his distressed sigh, you and Jungkook’s eyes follow Jimin as he walks away, running his hand through his hair as he goes. You turn to Jungkook with a confused face, silently asking if he knew what was wrong.

“Ah, I don’t know, just ignore him,” Jungkook says, not looking you in the eye.

Jungkook’s a terrible, horrible liar, always has been; you see right through it.

“What is it, Jungkook? Is he upset with me?” You question.

Jungkook scoffs, only making you more confused. You motion for him to continue.

“Jimin likes you,” Jungkook says as if it’s common knowledge and then pauses. “A lot.”

You think your heart stops for a second, before you come to your senses and punch Jungkook in the arm for joking around when you’re not.

“Ow! What was that for?” Jungkook pouts and rubs his arm trying to alleviate the pain.

“Jungkook, seriously. Stop kidding. What’s wrong with him these days?”

“I just told you! He likes you!”

Jimin likes you? Since when? There’s no way, you of all people wouldn’t have figured that out if it was true. But, the thought of it makes your cheeks burn. You always saw Jimin like an angel, something beautiful that you could never be with. It was why you never said anything, figured you’d spare yourself the heartache because nothing but embarrassment would come out of it anyway.

Just then, Jimin walks back in, immediately turning into his and Jungkook’s shared kitchen. You stare at Jungkook with your eyes wide, hoping he might explain more of the details.

“You know what’s wrong now,” Jungkook leans closer to you so Jimin doesn’t hear and whisper-yells. “He’s like head over heels for you, he doesn’t shut up about you!”

“He’s never said anything to me! How can I know for sure?” You whisper-yell back.

“Oh, trust me, you should hear him when he—” Jungkook shuts up when Jimin walks around the corner, headed down the hallway to his room. Jungkook gives you a ‘say something!!’ look and for some reason you listen to him.

“Jimin!” You call out after him, still trying to figure out what to say next.

He turns to you, “Yeah? What’s up?”

Your brain races to find something to say, but comes up short.

“Uh—,” You start, just to fill the space.

“She wanted to know if you’d come over tonight! Right?” Jungkook fills in and turns to you, nodding his head slightly so that you’d get the hint.

“R-right!” You nod your head rapidly.

“She asked me too but I have plans tonight. But you should go!” Jungkook sounds just as nervous as you feel. Terrible, horrible liar.

Jimin looks at you, slightly unsure at the way you and Jungkook are acting but then you send him this smile. This smile, that makes Jimin remember all that is good and pure in this world and he’s sold on your offer.

“Sure, when should I come over?”

“Umm, around 5?” You say, then remember the mess that is your one bedroom apartment. “Actually, how’s 6?”

“6 is good, I’ll see you then,” Jimin smiles at you sweetly before turning to make his way to his room.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Jimin’s coming over. He likes you and he’s coming over. Once you hear the door to Jimin’s bedroom click shut, you turn to Jungkook frantically.

“What should I do?” You ask, panic evident in your voice.

“What do you mean ‘what should you do?’” Jungkook obviously doesn’t understand your current dilemma.

You groan at his obliviousness, “I mean, how should I act? Now that I know he likes me?”

“Well,” Jungkook starts, turning to face you fully. “You like him back don’t you?”

Your cheeks burn and you nod slowly. You’ve never told anyone about your feelings for Jimin, out of fear that he’d find out.

“Okay, good. Your next step is obvious. Seduce him.”

You choke on nothing at his suggestion, you want to punch him in the face for even saying that. “Jungkook, are you crazy? How would I even know what to do?” Your hands come up to your temples, rubbing to try and soothe the imminent headache coming your way.

“Jimin is so desperate for you, do anything,” Jungkook reassures you. “Just make a move on him, I’m tired of hearing him in the shower every night.”

Your eyes widen, “Wait wha—”

“I’m not explaining, now go clean your place before Jimin sees how messy you really are,” Jungkook stands, straightening his shirt. “And good luck! Don’t bring Jimin back till well past 11:30, okay?”

“I hate you,” You groan, standing up too to grab your things before saying goodbye and calling out “I’ll see you later!” to Jimin.

Hearing the front door shut, Jimin scrambles into Jungkook’s room where he finds him laying down.

“Oh my god, what now?” Jungkook opens one eye to look at Jimin.

“I can’t go, I won’t be able to control myself,” The words fall out of Jimin’s mouth so quickly Jungkook struggles to catch them.

“Relax. It’s gonna be fine,” Jungkook sits up, motioning for Jimin to sit down beside him.

“How can you be so sure?” Jimin’s voice wavers, he’s so nervous.

“Just trust me, hyung,” Jungkook rubs Jimin’s shoulder, comforting him as much as he could.

“Okay,” The crease in Jimin’s brow has eased a bit. “I guess I’ll go get ready.”

Jimin spends his time picking out his outfit and hating it, then picking out a different one and hating that one too. He messes with his hair, trying to figure out what would look best. Jimin can’t seem to decide on anything. All the while, he’s trying to figure out what he should talk to you about, if he should show up with a gift, maybe flowers? Jimin pops into Jungkook’s room every so often, asking him every question that comes to mind and Jungkook tells him over and over again that he’s overthinking it. Jimin knows he’s probably right; he just can’t calm down when it comes to you.

Being good friends with him and his friends, Jimin saw you quite frequently. He loved seeing you, hearing you laugh at stupid jokes that were being said. And as much as he loved seeing you, most of the time, Jimin tried not to be alone with you. You get Jimin all flustered, make his hands get clammy, he can barely get out complete sentences when it’s just you and him.

Jimin sends you an “i’m here” text when he parks his car and you come down to meet him. He sucks in a breath when he sees you wearing a light yellow dress that hits your mid-thigh.

“Hi, Jimin,” You rock back on your heels, waiting for him to answer.

“H-hey, thanks for inviting me.” Is Jimin still breathing, it doesn’t feel like he’s still breathing.

You wave your hand at his thanks, “Come on.”

You grab his arm and lead him to the elevator, pushing the button to the fourth floor. Jimin’s still unsure if he’s breathing or not, but he has to say it.

“You look nice.” Your smile at his compliment practically blinds Jimin. “P-pretty.”

Your cheeks flame. Yeah, you dressed hoping he would like it but that didn’t mean you were expecting to hear him say it.

“T-thanks,” You bite your cheek and look down, praying Jimin doesn’t see just how red you’ve become.

The rest of the ride up is silent, save for Jimin tapping his fingers on the railing, trying to ease his nerves. You don’t have to lead Jimin to your apartment, he knows which one it is, having visited with Jungkook plenty of times. You fumble with your keys, hands shaking slightly at the idea of you and Jimin being alone.

“I got us some snacks,” You say as you open the door and direct him to the small coffee table that has bags of chocolate and candies and chips piled up.

“That’s… a lot of snacks,” Jimin turns to you and laughs softly.

“I wasn’t sure what to get, okay?” You mumble and turn to close the door (and to hide your, once again, flushed cheeks).

Jimin’s made his way to your living room, sitting on the floor with his back against the sofa. Taking a deep breath, you sit beside him reaching for the tv remote and handing it to Jimin.

Jimin doesn’t even remember what movie he picked. He keeps his eyes glued to the tv even though doesn’t like the movie because it’s better than losing himself in the way your crossed legs look in that dress. Doesn’t even want to think about how smooth your thighs would feel under his palms. Jimin is a weak, weak man, especially when it comes to you.

45 minutes into the movie Jimin picked you’re so uninterested in the movie you could die. You look over to Jimin, his eyes are unwavering from the tv, his hand stuck in the air with a chip in it, too busy to bring it up to his mouth. Even in his focused state he’s still the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, lips puckered in confusion and his brows furrowed. You want to roll your eyes at him for not taking the perfect opportunity to say something to you. Leave it to yourself to make anything happen.

You slowly slide your hand across the short distance to his knee. You place it there lightly, feeling Jimin tense slightly underneath. His attention is now on your small hand, you can hear him gulp.

“Jimin,” you purr from beside him, squeezing his knee making him jolt. “Jungkook told me something today.”

Jimin gulps again, heart creating earthquakes inside his body. “W-what did he say?”

You turn your body towards him, sitting on your knees and sliding your hand just an inch higher. Jimin can’t make eye contact with you.

“Well, he told me something about you,”

Jimin’s breathing is shallow now, chest moving up and down quickly. You’re looking down at him with this look that makes him feel like he’s going to explode and Jimin thinks he probably will soon. Then you throw a leg over his lap, making yourself comfortable on his thighs and Jimin knows he’s going to combust.

“O-oh? W-what would that be?” He tries, really tries to sound cool, unaffected by your practically bare legs around him but fails.

Your clothed core against Jimin’s thigh provides instant relief to the pressure that had built up. You slide your hands up his toned chest, slinging your arms around his neck. Jimin flushes at your sudden closeness. He tries so hard not to ogle the way your tits squish together but the neckline of your dress is so low and Jimin can’t help it.

“Oh, come on, Jimin! I know you like me, know you wanna fuck me,” You say exasperatedly. “Jungkook told me!”

“He told you that?” Jimin looks horrified at Jungkook’s breach of trust.

“Well don’t you?” You cock your head to the side, baffled as to why he hasn’t pushed the skirt of your dress up to your waist by now.

Jimin carefully brings his hands to rest on your hips, still wary of the situation. Under his touch, your body feels like it’s on fire. You can feel your panties sticking to your soaking pussy. You move up Jimin’s thighs, your chest almost touching his.

“Don’t you, Jimin?” You repeat your question softly. “Just say it; I know you do.”

“F-fine. I like you,” Jimin blushes fiercely, mumbling under his breath. “Wanna fuck you. Can’t believe he told you.”

Your heart does twirls at Jimin’s confession. You duck your head down, trying to catch his eyes but he looks away.

“Jimin,” His name comes out so softly. “I like you too, you know.”

Jimin’s head shoots up, his eyes are wide and starting to water a bit. He’s wanted to hear you say those words for so long that maybe his mind is playing tricks on him. He couldn’t have heard you correctly, could he?

“R-really?” He asks so quietly, as if he says it any louder you might change your mind.

“Really,” You confirm, brushing your thumb against his soft cheek.

“Oh,” Jimin looks flustered now. “I didn’t know.”

“And now that you do?” You’re so close to begging him to just do something.

With his heart leaping, Jimin inches his face closer to yours. Jimin’s longed to know how your lips would feel for so long, they always look just so soft. He wants to know if they’re as soft as they look. His eyes flicker down to them, just in time to catch your tongue poking out to wet them. The sight makes Jimin surge forward, planting his lips on yours.

Jimin’s lips feel just like you imagined, plush and velvety against yours. His hand comes up to cup your cheek, tilting your head to the side. You want to savor your first kiss with him, really you do, but it seems your hips have a mind of their own when they move against the growing tent in Jimin’s pants. You can’t contain the whine that tumbles out of your mouth, much like Jimin can’t control the groan he lets out.

“Jimin,” It comes out muffled against his lips.

Jimin doesn’t dare to take his lips off yours, only letting out a low “hm?” in response.

It takes all your strength to pull away from him, but you're desperate to feel him touch you.

“Do you wanna take my dress off?” You ask, already pushing a strap down.

Jimin’s hand doesn’t move fast enough to push down the other strap making the dress fall slightly. He groans at the sight of the tops of your breast being exposed. His hands pull down the neckline of your dress, nipples pebbling as they are exposed to the cold air. His hands come up to cup them softly, just pressing the pads of his fingers into the flesh.

“Jimin,” You whine. “Do something.”

Leaning forward, Jimin licks a circle around your nipple, rolling the other between his thumb and index finger. The cry you let out is lewd and it’s music to Jimin’s ears. His tongue rubs over your nipple before he latches on it, sucking roughly. Your fingers tangle in the strands of Jimin’s hair, pushing him as close to you as possible.

“God, I love your tits,” Jimin confesses before moving to the other nipple.

You let out a pathetic moan, pushing your crotch down on Jimin’s, craving any kind of relief. Jimin moans around your nipple, sending vibrations throughout your body. He removes his mouth from you, leaning back and kneading your breasts with both hands. You flush under his intense gaze, hips still rocking back and forth.

“Can I taste you?” The obscenity of what he says and the politeness of Jimin’s voice don’t match up sending shivers down your spine.

“Y-yeah, please.”

You let Jimin guide you to the floor, placing a pillow under your head and another under your hips. He pulls the dress down your legs, setting it to the side with care. You giggle at that, it’s so Jimin, and he sends you a small smile. Between your legs, Jimin runs his palms up and down your thigh (they’re just as soft as he thought they would be). Leaning down, he kisses up your thigh to the band of your panties, placing soft kisses there too. Your body buzzes under Jimin’s lips.

“Gonna take this off,” Jimin murmurs against your skin.

He rolls them your legs, placing them aside, using the same care he did with the dress. You’d giggle again but the way Jimin’s taking in the sight of your dripping pussy clenching around nothing makes the giggle get caught in your throat.

“So pretty,” Jimin sounds in awe as he traces the puffy lips of your cunt.

His praise makes your face flush. His fingers trace lightly around you before he pushes forward and leaves a wet kiss on your fluttering clit.

“J-Jimin,” You gasp at the feeling of his tongue, taking short quick flicks against you.

He travels down to your clenching hole, licking a thick stripe all the way up to your clit, sucking harshly.

You sob loudly, closing your legs around Jimin’s head. His arms wrap around your thighs to keep them open.

“You taste so good,” Jimin divulges before continuing his attack on your clit.

His fingers probe lightly against your drenched core, dipping them in lightly before taking them out again. You push your hips down on his face, greedy for more of him. You can feel him smirk against you at your urgency. He pushes two fingers in slowly, waiting until you’ve gotten used to the stretch before pulling them out and shoving them back in. You throw your head back in ecstasy, calling out Jimin’s name.

“So wet for me, all for me,” Jimin says it like he can’t believe it.

His fingers scissor inside you, curling when he hears you moan loudly, his tongue still assaulting your clit. He can feel you tightening around him, your walls fluttering.

“Jimin,” You call out warningly. “I-I’m so close.”

“That’s good, baby,” He says proudly, speeding up the pace of his fingers.

“N-no, wanna cum around you,” It comes out of your mouth brokenly.

Jimin groans against your clit, sending another wail out of your mouth. You whine when he pulls his fingers out even though it was your doing. Jimin quickly rids himself of his jeans, the tightness of them was starting to get painful. He situates himself between your legs again, grabbing his cock and pumping it a few times before rubbing the tip against your folds.

“Jimin,” You plead, impatient to feel Jimin stretch you. “Please.”

Jimin pushes in slowly, letting out a whine when he can feel you stretch around him. You cling to his shoulders, making crescent marks with your fingernails.

“Y-you feel fucking amazing,” Jimin pants. “Holy shit.”

You moan loudly as Jimin starts driving his cock further inside you. Jimin’s lips find your neck, leaving wet kisses down the base.

“Feels so good, Jimin.”

Your hands tangle in his hair again, pulling at the roots causing Jimin to moan.

“Been waiting forever to fucking do this,” Jimin says between thrusts. “Don’t ever wanna fucking stop.”

“T-then don’t.”

Jimin’s rhythm speeds up, thrusting in and out of you roughly. With one hand beside your head steadying him, he reaches his other hand down to your clit, rubbing in circles with two fingers. The obscene squelching sound of your pussy and you and Jimin’s moan bounce off the walls.

“J-Jimin, I’m close, so f-fucking close,” You sob loudly, tears welling in your eyes.

“Kiss,” You reach out for Jimin, trying to pull him down to you. “Kiss me, please.”

Jimin obliges happily, smashing his swollen lips on yours. Your pussy clenches around him before your release gushes out. You see stars as your legs shake around him.

“Good girl, my good girl,” Jimin praises, still thrusting inside you, chasing his own release.

As you come down from your orgasm, Jimin’s trusts become sporadic, signalling to you that he’s close too.

“Cum inside, please.”

Jimin looks at you like he’s never heard something more pleasing. You watch his face crumple in bliss as he releases inside you, covering your walls in white.

Chest heaving, Jimin slumps forward, careful not to put all his weight on you, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You’re both sweaty and it might have felt gross to Jimin if this was someone else, but this was you and Jimin has loved you for so long.

When he catches his breath, he moves down your body to look at you. Jimin never wants to forget the way your pussy looks when his cum is dripping out of it. You whine at the sensitivity when he swipes his tongue against you, collecting your mixed arousal. He leans back up to kiss you, letting you taste him and yourself on his tongue. And that might have felt gross to you if this was someone else, but this was Jimin and you have loved for so long.

Jimin pulls away with a satisfied smile, laying down beside you.

“So, what did Jungkook tell you?”

You turn to him with a smirk on your face, “Told me you think about me in the shower.”

Jimin’s face turns redder than you’ve ever seen it.

“I’m gonna kill him, seriously.”

“Really?” You tease, tracing your finger on Jimin’s chest. “I think we should thank him.”

“You’re right,” Jimin concedes. “I’m gonna thank him and then kill him.”

#jimin smut #jimin fic #park jimin #jimin x reader #jimin x you #bts smut #pjm fic #bts pjm

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