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tinyclownhours · 2 months

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Human Hermit Crabs

I turned the silly little prompt I sent to @so-very-small into a full fic. Enjoy :)

Summary: Human gets abducted by giant aliens and sold as a novelty pet in an intergalactic souvenir shop, only to be rescued by a rugged space explorer.

Word Count: 5781

Cw: Abduction, dehumanisation (it's nothing too bad, but the MC is seen as a pet/object by the other aliens), mentions of death and humans being sold as pets/objects.

An apex predator. That is what Henry had lived his entire life believing he was. Everyone knew humans were on top of the food chain. Even in situations where they were wildly outmatched in pure strength, it was their intelligence that kept them on top. The only one who could realistically hurt him was his own kind, he had thought. As long as he kept his head down, he could get by without trouble. Oh, how foolish he had been…

He was curled up at the far end of the glass cage, leaning against the cold wall as he breathed in a shallow manner. He was cold, and he was shivering ever so slightly. Every now and again a giant figure would glide past the outside of his cage, browsing all of the curiosities the shop had to offer, him included…

He thought back to that day, the 15th of October. The day when his perception of reality had been utterly shattered. It was a crisp autumn evening and Henry had been strolling around on a walk out by the countryside where he lived. There was rarely anyone out where he walked. Maybe that’s why they chose him…

He still remembered the feeling of being sucked up into the air, the feeling of his stomach dropping while he looked down at the ground becoming smaller and smaller below him until he was swallowed up by the sky. Or at least he thought. The pure terror and panic were still fresh in his mind, as he looked around the gigantic spaceship that he’d been beamed up into. He had seen the giant alien smirk down at him, roughly grabbing his body in his callus fist while he inspected him. Henry felt his stomach turn as he thought back to how the giant poacher had looked over him after putting a metal collar around his throat, calling him a “beautiful specimen” before carrying him off and throwing him into a crowded cage full of other humans, all of them equally confused and terrified.

He remembered how horrific it had been initially, being sold as some sort of tiny novelty pet in this intergalactic souvenir shop. He was trembling almost if not every waking hour of the day, and would freeze up anytime someone walked past his cage. Rush hour was hell for him… Nowadays he was too exhausted to even lift a finger. Most customers took note of his sickly appearance, being so pale and thin he looked like he was one second away from crumbling into dust. Which he supposed was good, since most of them lost interest in him after a few seconds of inspection. It seemed like all of them knew. All of them knew he didn’t have long. And why buy a pet that you knew wasn't going to make it? He never bought those scrawny and off-colored goldfish at the pet store when he was a child. No one did, why would they? If it wasn’t for the fact that he was dying, he might’ve seen the cosmic irony of him ignoring those goldfish as a child only to feel some sort of comradery towards them now.

He was the last human left in the cage, all of his other fellow captives had either been sold off or passed away due to the horrid living conditions they’d all been exposed to for the last month. Unfortunately for Henry, he had been a stubborn one, as the owner of the shop commented quite frequently. It was clear he was just waiting for Henry to disappear so that he could order a fresh batch of captives to abuse with horrible housing.

The cage was small and made entirely of glass which stripped away any privacy any of them could’ve gotten. There wasn’t any padding or places to sleep comfortably. Besides, even if they did have someplace to sleep, the clunky metal collars made it a little hard to get comfortable. They had been provided with some sort of strange wood shavings on the cage floor, which quite possibly couldn’t have been any more itchy and uncomfortable. Any food they were provided with seemed deprived of any hint of nutrients and only provided Henry with temporary relief by filling his stomach with something to quell the searing pain of hunger. Lastly, they were put through so much distress, with the top of their cage being completely open for all of the shop's open hours, meaning that anyone could pick them up and manhandle them as they pleased in order to figure out if they liked the tiny human or not.

In the beginning, Henry had suffered quite a lot of stress at the (literal) hands of the shop's customers. A lot of them had been kids, or so he assumed, considering they were smaller and much less delicate with how they handled the poor humans. Henry had witnessed one too many of his fellow merchandise be dropped from tens of feet up in the air by those clumsy monsters. Some were quote-on-quote fine, getting lucky and only breaking a few bones. Others died upon impact. Although, Henry was starting to wonder which ones were actually the lucky ones…

Other times there were the odd tourists who walked in and were fascinated by the cage of humans. Most of them were quite handsy, pulling and playing with each one of their limbs as if they were just dolls. Of course, tourists are just what Henry called them. They were all bulky giants with what seemed to be purple scales and multiple eyes spread across their entire body. They were all just loud and quite frankly, too curious for his liking. It reminded him of the horror stories he’d read online by people recalling their experiences with obnoxious tourists… But he supposes that it was through them that he learned what the metal collars were for. There was a sign taped onto the side of the cage that read “Translator included!”, which many of them would read aloud and then condescendingly speak with them and try to get them to repeat words to them. Henry wasn’t quite sure why they were given translators. He wasn’t complaining of course, this whole ordeal would have been a thousand times worse if he hadn’t gotten a helpful (if a bit rude) explanation from the store owner as to what was going on when he first came into the store. However, he didn’t understand the appeal of a pet that could speak. Wouldn’t it feel weird to have a pet that could share its honest opinions with its owner? Surely they couldn’t think they enjoyed being here and would act like small puppy dogs once they brought them home? Henry wasn’t sure considering the way so many of them spoke to their purchased goods while leaving the store, all while ignoring their screaming and crying with soft coos and laughter. Maybe they were all sadists and didn’t care. It sure seemed like they didn’t.

His least favorite was the obnoxious teenagers that would come in, pick up and touch every single one of them, taking photos, tapping the glass, and being generally insufferable. A week or so ago a group of them came in and tried to get Henry’s attention. When he didn’t react to whatever they were doing, one of them grabbed the edges of the cage and started shaking it.

But luckily, he didn’t have to deal with that now that he barely had any energy to move. Now that he was weak and unresponsive, he wasn’t entertaining anymore. Safe to say, Henry knew that they knew that he didn’t have much time left. On particularly desperate days he considered begging one of them to take him with them. He could try to perform his role as a souvenir if it meant getting out of there and maybe getting a shot at living life. But how good of a life was he really going to live if this was the standard?

Henry was pulled out of his thoughts as the shop owner walked by. He looked down at him with a scowl, eyebrows knit together as he picked up the full food bowl inside of the cage. He sighed in annoyance and walked away with it, presumably going to throw away the old pellets and replace them with new ones. Not that it mattered in Henry’s eyes. They were always dry and disgusting, and he wasn’t eating any longer.

He looked around the store, since his cage was placed at the very back he had a comfortable view of the entire thing. Despite being only one room, it was huge from his perspective, larger than a big football arena. Today seemed slower than usual. There were barely any customers. Three to be exact. A couple looking at some novelty junk, and a man at the end of the store. Was it a man? Henry wasn’t quite sure about alien biology, especially considering none of them looked to be the same species. Come to think of it, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen that type of alien before. He kept a small list in his head to pass the time, and there were a couple of regularly reoccurring species that came through, some of the less common ones, and then there were wildcards like the man in the back.

His skin was dark, and he had large pointed ears. His eyes were sharp and yellow, and unlike the store owner and most of the regular aliens, his eyes sat at the front of his face, rather than the sides, just like Henry himself. It’s funny. He almost looked a little human if it weren’t for some of his more alien-esque features. From where Henry was sitting, he actually didn’t look half bad for a horrifying gigantic alien. His eyes seemed so cold and hyper-focused… And that’s when Henry realized, much to his horror, that the giant had been eyeing him, staring at him intensely. And Henry had been staring back.

He quickly averted his gaze, feeling his heart skip a beat as a small dose of adrenaline rushed through his veins for the first time in what felt like forever. That was… Weird. Why did he react like that? He didn’t think he had the energy to fear these creatures any longer. But something about him was making Henry nervous. Really nervous. Maybe it was the aliens' new and darker appearance. Maybe it was the way he seemed taller than most of the other aliens he had encountered. Maybe it was that cold stare… Or maybe it was the fact that forward-facing eyes only belonged to predators. Henry didn’t know. But something about him didn’t feel right. He turned to glance back at him only to bite his tongue and let out a muffled yelp as the alien now towered over his cage. Somehow, in the span of a couple of seconds, he had walked from the back of the store all the way to the cage in the front.

His eyes seemed to drill into Henry as he looked and inspected him. Henry had an even better look at his face from this angle. He could see that the alien looked more reptile-like than most, having two small slotted holes where his nose should be and his pupils were narrow slits rather than round balls like humans had. Henry looked up at him with his tired eyes. Usually, he would look away and be unresponsive to disinterest whatever customer had their eyes on him, but for whatever reason, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the alien.

He must’ve looked so pathetic. Small, and exhausted. Having to lean up against a corner to keep himself up. He hadn’t looked in the mirror in quite a while but he could only imagine how messy his hair must’ve been, how heavy the eyebags under his eyes must’ve gotten, and he didn’t even want to think about how pale and delicate he must’ve looked with how little he had been eating. For whatever reason, Henry felt ashamed. Like he was falling short under the judging eyes staring down at him.

Suddenly, Henry caught the slightest twitch of one of the aliens' long ears. He could see his eyes widen slightly for just a second, before he quickly walked off to a nearby shelf, looking at the different merchandise. It was only then that Henry picked up on the footsteps approaching his cage. He could see the store owner walking out with a new bowl of kibble and a basket of cleaning supplies. It was time for him to clean the cage. Henry prepared himself mentally as the store owner reached into the cage and pulled him out. The feeling of his leathery hands enveloping his tiny body made his skin crawl. Luckily it didn’t last long since the store owner quickly set him down into a separate open plastic box on the register counter. He then turned around to the cage and began the process of cleaning it.

Just then, Henry saw the couple leave the shop and the reptilian man turned back around and faced him. He looked back to the shop owner, who had just emptied all the wood shavings and was scrubbing the cage clean, before looking back at Henry. After a few seconds, he swiftly approached the plastic container. It was truly impressive to see just how swift and soundless he was when he walked. Henry looked up at him with uncertainty and a small frown, and he swore he could see the man’s eyes soften just a little bit. He was lying on his side, too weak and shaky to try and crawl away from the descending hand that soon covered his entire vision. His breath hitched slightly when he felt the surprisingly soft fingers gingerly wrap around his sides before pulling him up and out of the plastic container.

He didn’t know if this alien was extremely confident in his ability to go unnoticed or if he was just stupid, stealing a human mere feet away from the store owner. He debated making any sort of noise, but at this point, he honestly couldn’t be bothered by what would happen to him. He could die at the hands of a mysterious stranger or in a glass pet cage… One of those felt at least more dignified and less pathetic, and it also came with the possibility of not dying, depending on this alien’s intentions.

He felt the warmth of the man’s hand envelop him, between that and the soft padded insides of the jacket pocket he was placed into, this was the most comfort he’d been provided with for weeks. He could feel the giant shift around, probably walking to exit the store. He was afforded a small window to the outside world through the pocket opening, and could see some of the other shitty products that lined the store walls as they walked out. However, his sight was robbed of him as the alien's hand once again blocked his view. Henry tensed up as it got closer, only to feel it gently cover him. At first, he was confused until he heard that voice he had despised for weeks.

“Have a great day, we hope to see you again soon!” It was so loud and near. They were walking past the store owner. Henry tensed up as he realized this, and the giant could probably tell since he started to stroke his back with his thumb oh so gently. Henry couldn’t help but melt into the touch. By all means, he should be terrified. He had just been kidnapped… again. But is it really kidnapping if you get kidnapped away from a kidnapper??? Or would that be more of a rescue? Henry supposed it all had to do with the giant's intentions. He could be planning to torture and kill him for all he knew. But right now in this moment, he was handling him like he was the most delicate thing in the world, and that tenderness was something Henry needed desperately after three whole weeks of rough manhandling.

“Have a good day to you as well.” The giant spoke, Henry felt his breath hitch again as his heart skipped a beat. His voice was deep and velvety, he swore he could almost feel the base all the way down from his pocket. He felt the alien speed up a little once they were out of the store. He had stopped stroking Henry’s back and was now speed-walking somewhere. After a short while he sped up further, breaking into a jog. Henry let out a small yelp as the hand now enveloped him, still careful but holding him in place. It wasn’t before long that he could hear the sound of a mechanical whirring followed by air pressure and steam release, most likely a spaceship door opening. Henry’s suspicions were confirmed when he felt them walk upwards, probably on a ramp. He could see some hints of LED lights peeking through the gaps in the pocket opening and soon enough he was pulled out.

Henry was set down in what appears to be the ship cup holder. The alien was using both hands to tap on buttons and pull levers that Henry could not begin to understand. Soon enough, the ship engine roared, and with the slow and precise pull on what appeared to be the startup leaver, the ship started taking off. Henry let out a small noise of displeasure when the alien suddenly covered the cup holder with his palm. However, Henry was thankful for it when only a mere second later, after pressing a button, the ship blasted off as if instantly and Henry’s body jerked backward. He probably would have fallen out of the cup had he not been covered.

The ship soon smoothed out into an unnoticeable yet fast speed. The alien slowly uncovered said cup holder and placed his hand on the wheel. Henry looked up at the giant and fiddled with his fingers. They were alone now… What should he do? Should he say hi? Why was this so awkward all of a sudden?!

The air was tense as none of them seemed willing to make the first move… The reality of what had just happened was starting to settle into Henry. Had he just left the safety of the store for some stranger? Dread started to seep into his stomach as he wondered what this giant was possibly planning to do with him.

Said Giant soon pressed another button on the spaceship panel before turning to look at Henry. He could probably see just how scared Henry was, considering his eyes once again softened just a little too much.

“Hey…” He spoke, and it shook Henry to his core. Just then, sitting curled up in the cup holder, having this gigantic alien looming over him after having taken him so effortlessly, Henry felt truly small. Almost insignificant. As if nothing he could say, do, or think was worth anything. He remembered when he thought he was on top of it all, that there wasn’t any predator that could harm him as long as he remained smart, only to find out that he was deemed as so uínsignificant that he was sold as a fucking novelty product… The alien above him could crush and dispose of him within a second, like how he would trap and dispose of mice and vermin that invaded his home back on Earth. He wondered if this was how they felt moments before he handed them over to the local pest control. His heart wept for them, for now, he knew just how it felt to be small.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as the giant slowly reached out and started stroking his arm with the back of his finger. Henry looked into his eyes only to see none of the previous sharpness, but rather nothing than affection and softness. “You’re okay… It’s okay. You’re safe now. I’m not gonna hurt you, alright?”

…

Looking down at the tiny human sitting in his cup holder, it was evident that he was terrified. The poor thing was shaking, and his eyes were wide as pinpricks. He hadn’t done this in quite some time, not since he was a teenager. And even though it was a little messed up, seeing the shivering tiny almost brought Kazurix some sort of nostalgia. Most if not all of them reacted this way initially. And in the less extreme cases, Kazurix thought their little shaking forms were quite cute.

He continued to stroke to the little guys arm as gently as he could. The human was curled up, but it was quite clear he didn't have the strength to curl up completely. Just how malnourished was he? It was evident from his sickly appearance that he, like most humans, hadn’t been taken care of very well. His skin was pale, eyes tired, and his blonde hair was tangled and matted. As soon as he’d calmed the human down, he’d get something to eat. They’d have to start slow, with some liquid food to not overwhelm his stomach, but after that, they’d gradually be able to make their way into actual food. It’s a good thing Kazurix always kept liquid food on him. As much as he told himself he’d stop doing this, he always kept some emergency rescue supplies.

He looked down at the trembling human. He didn’t seem to be rejecting the physical touch. That was a good sign. But he wasn’t responding either. The alien took a deep breath and tried something a little more direct.

”What’s your name?” He asked, prompting the little human to speak. He had to show that he wasn’t a threat to him. He could see his eyebrows knit together as he processed the question. He seemed hesitant for a few seconds, but Kazurix remained patient.

“…H-Henry…” The tiny squeaked out. Kazurix's heart almost melted. He had forgotten just how attached he got to these guys. He smiled softly, being careful not to show his teeth.

“It’s nice to meet you, Henry.” He spoke, continuing to stroke Henry’s arm. “My name is Kazurix. But you can call me Kazu if the full name is too hard to pronounce.” The way he said his full name wasn’t even really how you said it, he had to simplify the phonemes a lot since most humans couldn’t pronounce it. Henry nodded at him. Every movement he made seemed to take so much effort on his part.

“Do you want something to eat? I have some nutrient paste that should give you some energy back without being too much for your stomach to handle.” He reassured him, standing up from his seat. His ear twitched as he picked up on the small gasp that had escaped the human once he stood up. He crouched down in front of the cup holder to be a little more on the human’s level, while still keeping a little bit of a distance from him to give him some space.

“I… I-I…” The human, Henry, started before resorting to a simple nod. Kazurix nodded back at him.

“Alright. I’m going to pick you up now. I’ll be careful.” He warned before snaking his hands underneath and behind the human. He gingerly scooped the tiny one up into his palms. He was lying there, looking up at Kazurix with those big eyes. At least they weren’t as wide as before. Now they were back to those tired, sad doe eyes that had single-handedly convinced Kazurix to take the human with him. He walked over to the small kitchen space on the ship and put Henry on the counter. He propped him up against the wall, ensuring he wouldn’t fall to either side. Then he opened the cooling box and searched around for the nutrient paste. He wasn’t sure where it was since he hadn’t had to use it in so long. It was a good thing they lasted so long…

Finally, he found the tube. He pulled it out. It was supposed to taste sweet. He hoped it did. Kazurix squeezed out a small dollop of the paste onto one of the small capsules left over from a bottle he’d thrown away, creating a small makeshift plate for the human so he didn’t have to be hand-fed. He watched as Henry cautiously inspected the food before looking up at him.

“I don’t have anything you could use as a spoon.” The human's eyes widened only a little before he shook his head.

“O-Oh! N-No, it’s okay! I- Uhm-“ He took a shaky breath before reaching his shaky hand up. “I wasn’t expecting any utensils… I wasn’t even expecting any food at all.” Once he was handed the capsule he looked away. “Thank you…” Kazurix smiled.

“You’re welcome.” He was once again reminded of why he did this so much. Most of them took a while to warm up to him, but once they did they were so sweet. He had nursed his fair share of humans back to health. Some of them were incredibly grateful, and some of them were reluctantly so. There were of course the poor humans who were so traumatized that they sadly never let their guard down around him, even after he proved himself as a non-threat. But he nonetheless cared for each and every one of them… Although, he was surprised as to how willing Henry had seemed to be. Usually, they were a lot more hesitant and afraid in the beginning, and while he was both of those things, Henry still thanked Kazurix politely and didn’t put up a fight as he was picked up… He knew there was something about him the second he walked into that store.

He hadn’t expected to rescue a human today, but fate was a funny thing. He had flown his sister and her girlfriend to the intergalactic travel center since the two of them were going on a little trip together. He knew he would’ve run into one of those tourist shops eventually. It was inevitable at such a crossroads of different alien cultures and species, but his heart still dropped when he saw one. He figured they must’ve shut down the human souvenir section, right? The last time he rescued one of them was years ago, it had to have become outdated at this point, right? But alas, walking into the shop he was immediately greeted by a glass cage with a tiny human inside of it. His heart broke for the poor guy, leaned up into a corner of the cage and breathing shallowly. Two people were looking down at him and discussing him, so he took that time to slink past them and into the back of the store. It wasn’t too far away from the cage since the store was quite small and narrow. That was bad.

He preferred to do rescues in larger stores, especially ones where the human section was tucked away between shelves and not out in the open. As the two left to look at some cheap garbage in the store, Kazurix wondered if he even could rescue this tiny. The store owner walked out to grab the bowl of food from the cage. It was full, meaning the human hadn’t eaten. Not that it wasn’t obvious given how scrawny he was…

Just as he was about to call it quits and leave, the human made eye contact with him. Kazurix’s species were known for their enhanced senses - There was a reason that despite having been found out multiple times while in the middle of a rescue, Kazurix had never been caught. Some would even go as far as to say he was an apex predator of sorts, but Kazurix didn’t agree. He wouldn’t be so foolish as to assume there weren't bigger fish out there… However, his enhanced eyesight helped him see all the details of the tinies face even from so far away. He looked tired, exhausted even, and he was indeed looking at Kazurix. His eyes were sad and round, he wondered how much life had previously been filled within them, only to be stripped away by forces out of his control.

Just then, those eyes widened and the tiny looked away. That was it. Kazurix didn’t care if he got in trouble, or if this was as far away from the ideal rescue circumstances as possible, or if the tiny seemed to be one day away from death. He was going to save him… He was going to give him at least one last day of comfort.

Walking up to the cage, Kazurix could take in even more details of the pocket-sized man. He was dressed in a loose T-shirt and shorts. Probably unisized ones that the shop provided all the humans with. He was wearing a cheaper model of the universal translator collar. That was unusual for a shop this small, but convenient for Kazurix since he didn’t have to worry about how to non-verbally explain what was going on to the human once they were out of there. Then, the human looked back only to yelp at the sudden appearance of Kazurix. Sometimes he could forget how light on his feet he was despite his size. It had always come so naturally to him, but apparently, some aliens thought it was freaky. He had to stop himself from laughing when he heard the small sound that escaped the human. He kept examining him, about to reach in and take him when he heard the footsteps of the owner. He had to wait for another opening.

He quickly walked to a nearby shelf, pretending to look at whatever junk they were selling. He could hear slight shuffling behind him, and once he heard the scooping of wooden chips he turned to the shop owner. He was cleaning out the cage… Looking around, he quickly found the human on the register counter. He crept over to him, being kept in a small plastic box. His heart broke when he saw just how powerless the little one was, lying on his side with a frown. Without hesitation, Kazurix reached into the box and picked the human up. That’s when he felt just how truly small he was. He had forgotten the tender feeling of holding someone smaller than your index finger, of just how utterly helpless they were to anything and anyone bigger than them, which was just about everyone. And that’s why he needed to do this.

The little guy didn’t even put up a fight. He was lying limply in his hand as he gently stuffed him into his open pocket. Walking by the store owner, Kazurix shielded the tiny using his hand. When the store owner spoke up and politely said goodbye to him, he could feel the poor human tense up in his pocket. He started stroking the little one tenderly, hoping to calm him down as he responded to the store owner, and quickly making his way out before he got busted.

Everything was so unplanned and happened so fast, and looking back at it, it was a miracle that they weren’t caught. Kazurix was snapped back into reality when he heard Henry call out to him.

“Hello? Uhm… K…Karu?” He asked. Kazurix looked back down at him, eyes now focused. He could see how the human seemed to squirm under his gaze. “Could I get some more food?” He seemed almost afraid to ask. Kazurix smiled down at him, squeezing out another dollop on the small makeshift plate.

“Of course… And,” he chuckled slightly, “it’s Kazu.” He smiled, but the human’s face seemed to pale at his correction.

“O-Oh! I-I’m sorry- I didn’t mean-“ Henry scrambled to explain himself. Kazurix simply smirked in amusement. Something about this tinie's nervousness was so charming to him…

“It’s no big deal.” He stated simply as he went back to stroking Henry’s tiny back with his finger. “Close enough. Don’t be nervous.” He smiled. The tiny paused, looking up at him hesitantly.

“…Why are you doing this?” He asked in a quiet voice, almost a whisper.

“Doing what?”

“Why did you take me? Wh-What are you going to do with me?” Kazurix could see the anxiety building up behind those eyes of his.

“…You looked so weak, and sad. I couldn’t just stand by without doing something.” He said. It was true if only a little simplified. Henry looked away, down at the pale brown paste dollop in front of him.

“…I want to go home.” His voice cracked, and Kazurix’s smile fell in an instant.

“…I know. Earth is… Quite far away from us.” He admitted, unsure if he could even get to earth from where they were right now. Not that he was going to tell Henry that. The human turned his face to the opposite side of Kazurix, but he managed to catch a glimpse of how glossy his eyes had gotten. Poor thing… He wouldn’t blame him if he broke down right now, considering all he went through.

“Hey?” Kazurix said softly. “Let me tell you something.” He moved a little closer. “I’ll get you to Earth… Okay? I promise.” The tiny human turned his head back, and Kazurix could see the small drops of tears that had built up in his eyes.

“You will?” Henry asked. Kazurix got a little closer once more.

“I will…” He reached his hand forward, extending his pinkie finger. “As soon as you feel better, I’ll take you to your home. I promise to protect you and escort you if you’ll have me as your travel companion?” He flashed the human a tender smile. Henry looked away, but this time, Kazurix could see the slight blush that spread to his ears. He couldn’t help but chuckle as the human grabbed his finger and shook it.

“Y-Yeah… That sounds nice.” He picked the paste back up and went back to eating, not before muttering a small and meek: “Thank you…”

And so it was decided. Kazurix was going to help Henry back to earth, a venture that would probably take them months… But he wasn’t about to drop that on Henry right now. He’s had a draining day as is. Although Kazurix was a little ashamed to admit it, he was almost a little happy that the journey would take a while. He’d be happy to get to know Henry more, and what’s a better way to get to know each other than a couple of months in space? He was sure they could make a couple of stops on the way so Kazurix could show off some fun places to Henry. He wouldn’t exactly be able to see them once he was dropped off on Earth anyway. He wouldn’t let anything happen to him while they were enjoying themselves.

“Of course. It’s my pleasure… Henry.” His name rolled nicely off his tongue. It’s been a hot minute since he’s last pronounced a human name. He would no doubt say it a lot more from now on.

Oh, he could tell this was going to be a fun experience.

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sixpossumsinatrenchcoat · 4 months

Text

Start Again

An In Stars and Time postgame retrospective that revolves around everyone's favorite star. Bigtime "secret ending" spoilers below the cut!!!!!

It’s the oldest story in the book. Evil squirms up from the shadows. A hero rises to quell it. She goes on a journey, gathers allies, gathers strength. The party climbs the tower. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They face the villain. They—

[you give up you GIVE UP YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE]

The most infuriating part is—

Well, no. The most infuriating part is the colossal cosmic insult of your existence. Having to know that there’s some snot-nosed little fetus who can count his deaths on two hands toddling around wearing your face like a party mask. Trying and failing and hiding and lying and grinding your nose in every blinding stupid thing you’ve ever done.

The fact that your pathetic little protege clocks you on their first guess is just the icing on the cake.

(“A gentleperson never tells,” you drawled, when Siffrin asked you who you really were. “Why don’t you take a guess?”

But of course the stupid little freak could never just be normal about something. They only stared, unblinking, drowning you in the black hole of their silence. Galaxies scattered and shattered and bloomed while you waited for an answer.

“Um,” they said at last. “Well. You’re… me, right? You’d have to be.”)

Of course. Of course!! You’d have to be!!!! Who else could be such a pathetic blinding shambles of a total blinding failure of a—

Ha ha!! Ha ha ha!!! Oh, the irony!!! Oh, the theatre of it all!! What else could you do but laugh!!!!!

* * *

* * * * *

* * *

[you breathe in, and out]

For a few months, it feels like your little family will be together forever. Traveling by foot or covered wagon; fording rivers and cresting mountains and chasing the sun past the horizon… How could anyone tire of this?

But Vaugaurde isn’t frozen anymore. Change is a part of life. So, one by one, they do.

When Mira gets the letter inviting her to consult on the experimental re-org of the House of Dormont’s academic curriculum, Sif hugs her, beaming, and tells her that she’s going to be amazing.

When Odile admits that she needs to pay a visit to her father—(“alone, please; the old bastard wouldn’t know what to do with you kids and all your feelings”)—Sif smiles and nods and scurries off to “rustle up some dinner” before returning, more than six hours later, with an entire glittering midden of freshly caught trout.

They don’t really fall apart until Petra announces that it’s time for Bonnie to enroll in an actual school.

“They’re twelve,” she says fiercely, glaring around the campfire as though anyone had been dumb enough to argue. “Travel is informative, but it won’t give them a sound foundation. They need perspective. Context. Maths. And none of us are qualified. Don’t argue, you already know that it’s true.”

Of course Isabeau is quick to agree—mostly because she’s right, but also because he’d prefer to keep his head attached to his shoulders, thank you very much.

Siffrin, of course, is all smiles. They smile and nod and smile and nod and agree at every turn, always smiling smiling smiling. And then they disappear for six days without leaving a note.

Isa tries not to worry. He even mostly succeeds. Sif gets skittish sometimes, but they always come home in the end.

###

It’s the middle of the night when a very warm body with very cold hands wriggles into Isa’s sleeproll. There’s a slow exhale, the smell of wet stone and warm sugar. Isa’s toes curl in his socks. This is his favorite part.

“Mmh,” he hums gratefully, and then yelps when Siffrin slips their hands under his shirt to warm their icy fingers on his belly.

Sif doesn’t answer right away. They just breathe into his shoulder, shivering. Then: “I don’t want them to go.”

Oh, yeah. “Yeah.”

“I was alone, before,” Sif says quietly. “I guess forever. As long as I remember.” They fall silent for a moment, hesitant. “It was. Worse.”

Isa hooks a knee around them and pulls them in closer. “Missed you so much,” he mumbles.

“Now, or before?”

“Mh… Dunno. Both?” Isa’s past self flashes in his mind, gangly and twitchy and totally ruled by fear. Even half-asleep, he can’t help cringing. “…You wouldn’t have liked me before.”

“I would’ve liked you,” Sif says scornfully.

“I was. Rrrrreally quiet.”

“Are you stupid?”

Pffft. Fair. “Sif?”

“Mh?”

“Do you wanna buy a caravan?”

Sif pulls away just enough to shoot him a baffled stare.

“Like… a storefront.” Isa’s been thinking about it since Sif disappeared. Probably he could do a better job explaining if he wasn’t at least 80% asleep. “For clothes? But. It moves.”

What he means is, Our family lives all over. What if we could too?

Fortunately, Siffrin is a peerless genius and almost-always knows what Isa’s trying to say. “Oh. Yes.”

“Love you so bad,” Isabeau mumbles.

“...Sorry.”

Isa flicks them on the ear.

“(Ow.)”

“M’not sorry,” Isa mutters.

“I know.”

“So don’t be either.”

“Okay.”

“Mrmhhh,” Isa grumbles. “Lying?”

Sif snickers. “Only sort of. Or, I mean—I’ll try.”

“Don’t leave me behind.”

“I won’t.”

“And then I won’t either.”

Siffrin doesn't answer, but he can feel their smile against his shoulder.

###

(When they’re both a little more awake, he walks Sif through the whole pitch.

“See? See?? That way, I could work with artisans all over the continent! I’d been hoping to collaborate with more designers from Ka Bue; they’ve got a totally different aesthetic when it comes to textiles and, and silhouettes, and— And it’s advertising, too! Showcasing my stuff to folks all over Vaugaurde!”

“Hm,” Sif hums, frowning. “Is this just so we can see everyone whenever we want? Without it seeming needy, or… pathetic?”

“Yeah, of course!! What else!!”

Sif’s eye creases fondly. “Yeah. Of course. What else.”)

###

The caravan was a good idea. It’s not just a way to see their family more. It’s a way to see everything. To carry their home around on their backs, like a cozy little snailshell for two. A snail duplex. And besides! Sif has always been Isa’s favorite model.

###

By the time Isabeau is finished making adjustments to the signature set for his new line, the sun’s already set.

Sif frowns down at one long, drapey sleeve. “I don’t know. I feel a little… obvious?”

“I think you mean glamorous!!!”

“Possibly,” Sif concedes. “I think they sort of feel the same.”

Isabeau laughs. “You know—and heads up, ‘cause this might blow your mind—but a lot of people want to be seen.”

“Yeah, right.”

“It’s true!! Some people even want to look cool!! Or rad!!! Or cute!!!”

“Can’t relate.”

“Only ‘cause you look so cool already,” Isa assures them. “So you don’t even hafta think about it. For most people, looking that cute is hard work!!”

“Sounds fake,” Sif sniffs. “But I guess you’d know. You do have an a-cute-ly honed sense for this stuff.”

“Pfffh—HAH!!!! Yeah!!! Yes!!! And—And as soon as I can buy a new sewing kit, you’ll be looking just as sharp! Ehh???”

“I guess that’s something we have in common,” Siffrin snickers. “We could both use some new material.”

Before Isa can come up with a retort, there’s a sharp knock on the caravan’s front window.

The both of them flinch around, surprised. They’re kind of in the middle of nowhere. And it’s already past dark.

Isabeau hesitates. “Umm…”

“We’re closed,” Sif hisses.

“Ohh, I’m not a customer,” the stranger says sunnily. “Not really my style—no offense meant, of course. No, I’m just looking to make some change.”

“Hey, no problem!” Isa’s already leaping into action, slipping out of Sif’s reach so he can pull open the till. He’s never had it in him to turn anyone away. It’s extremely inconvenient, and also one of his best qualities. (Siffrin loves him so much.)

“Wow, that’s sooo~ nice of you,” the stranger purrs. They’re willowy and lean and almost alarmingly good-looking, with laughing eyes and one bone-white braid swinging past their knees. Their long, flowy skirt has been Crafted to shimmer subtly, like sunlight over morning dew; and their cropped shirt is strung across their back with an intricate web of spidery threads. Flecks of seaglass clink from the chains on their shoulders and the rings on their fingers, drawing attention to the criss-cross of vivid burn-scars striping their hands and arms. “I do hope I’m not interrupting. I’d just hate to be an inconvenience.”

“No trouble!” Isa tells them cheerfully. “What are you looking to break? A tenpiece, or—”

A silver coin plinks against the counter.

“Oh,” Isabeau mumbles, a little off-balance. “Uh. I’m not sure we have anything smaller than a halfpiece…”

He glances toward Sif for confirmation—Siffrin forgets a lot of things, but they’re very, very good at keeping track of an inventory. But when he sees the look on their face, he can’t help flinching. Siffrin has gone utterly still. Unmoving. Unblinking. It looks like they’re not even breathing.

“S-Sif?” Isa whispers. Then he blinks and suddenly Sif is already behind him, having flicked across the caravan in such a violent blur of motion that he never even saw them move. (They do that sometimes. But not usually when there’s anyone looking.)

“You,” Sif breathes.

The stranger bats their eyes. “Oh, Stars, I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. Do I, perhaps, bear some resemblance to—”

“Stop that.” Sif has come a long way, but they’re still pretty jumpy about touch. So Isa almost does a spit-take when they vault over the counter and hit the stranger, hard, square on the shoulder. “Why are you doing that? What’s wrong with you? What took you so long???”

Before Isa can step between them, the stranger lets out a tinkling little giggle. “Ohh, Stardust. You were always soooo~ dramatic. It’s been no time at all!”

“Six months!!”

“Barely a blink of an eye!”

“I thought I’d never see you again!!”

“Aww,” the stranger purrs. “Were you, perhaps, worried about me?”

“Yes!! Obviously!!!”

“But of course I wasn’t going to disappear forever. I super duper promised! Besides…” They roll the coin between their fingers and then, in a startling blur of motion, pull another from behind Siffrin’s ear. (Sif’s lucky coin, Isa realizes. The one he helped them Craft to a brooch so they could wear it over their heart.) “We are bonded, after all.”

They have the gall to wink at Isabeau when they say it.

“You’re—huh??” Isa sputters. “What?? Sif???”

Sif looks embarrassed. “That’s… not exactly how I’d put it.”

(So it’s sort-of how they’d put it????)

Of course Isa knows that there are things Sif doesn’t tell him—things that Sif doesn’t tell anyone. But a secret bonded partner is a pretty big thing to leave unsaid. “Um????”

“It’s not romantic,” Sif says, defensive.

The stranger smiles slyly. “It’s a little bit romantic.”

“Hah!” Sif scoffs. “In the—the literary sense, maybe!!”

“Like a beautiful stageplay!”

“A Poterian tragedy.”

“But tragedy is always sooo~ romantic.”

“UM,” Isabeau says, a little too loud. “I—don’t really know what’s happening. Which is fine!! Totally fine!! But it sounds like you guys have some stuff to catch up on, so maybe I should… give you… some space? Do you want space? Should I not give you space?”

“Teehee! Be careful, now! Keep thinking that hard and you’ll sprain something!” The stranger leans across the counter to pat him on the shoulder. “Take a hike, big guy. I’ll take them from here.”

“You can’t talk to him like that,” Siffrin snaps.

“Yeahhh, I’m pretty sure I can.”

Sif shakes their head. “He doesn’t know that you’re—um. You know. So it’s… meaner? I think.”

To Isabeau’s surprise, the stranger actually seems to consider that. “Oh. Hm. I’ll… think about it.”

Sif nods at them before turning to Isa. “But—yes. We do sort of need to talk. And space would maybe help. Sorry. Is it okay?”

“Of course!! I’ll just, um, get out of your hair!!!”

As Isabeau sidesteps past them, Sif catches him by the hand and squeezes. “I really will explain. I just sort of wasn’t sure I was allowed? Or I already would have.”

Isabeau relaxes a little. “Okay. Um. I love you.”

This time, it’s unmistakeable. For just a second, the stranger’s face goes taut with fury.

“Please leave now,” Sif says quickly. “But, um, yes. Talk to you soon.”

###

…There’s a long silence.

Isa doesn’t want to listen in, but there isn't really anywhere to go. It's a moonless night, almost lightless, and this part of the country is crisscrossed with narrow streams of deep, fast-moving water. Isabeau has many talents, but he still can't breathe underwater. And it would be pretty stupid to survive the King only to trip into a river and drown. So he can’t help hearing when the stranger clears their throat.

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” they mutter darkly.

“Okay.”

“I was just planning to make some friends first. And then grind them in your stupid ugly face. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“But it turns out that, in spite of my scintillating wit and ethereal beauty, people find me immensely unlikeable. Me!! Can you even imagine?”

“Yes,” Sif says promptly. They take a moment to think it over before adding, “Easily.”

“Well, there’s no accounting for taste,” the stranger sniffs. “Really, though! I thought hardship was supposed to build character! But it’s almost like countless eons of torment actually made me worse!”

“Um,” Sif says. “Yeah.”

“And then when you still wouldn’t stop bugging me—“

Isabeau chokes on a breath.

Unexpectedly, Sif does, too. “—Wait, what?”

“What do you think?” the stranger demands. “All that wishing, wishing, wishing!! Yanking on my brain all day and night like a needy toddler! I mean, really! Get a hobby or something!“

This time, Isabeau can’t just bite his tongue. “Sif!!” he gasps. “You were doing Wish Craft???”

“I wasn’t!!”

The stranger peers around the caravan to give Isa a judgmental glare. “I thought you were giving us space. Not very honest, are you? Is that a new personality you’re trying on? Being a big sneaky liar? Because, if I can be honest, it doesn’t really suit you.”

Isabeau blanches. “Y-You guys were being really loud!!! And I thought we agreed—“

“It wasn’t Wish Craft!!” Sif cuts in. “I was just— If I saw a shooting star, or a pretty leaf or something, I just… hoped I might see them again! That they’d get to keep their promise, get a chance at something better! That’s all!!”

“Aw, Stardust~~” the stranger coos. “What are you, like, obsessed with me?”

“No!! I just feel horrible about it!! Obviously!!”

“Well! Well… good!! I mean. You did steal my only chance at happiness.”

“I know!!”

“And condemn me to live out my days as the punchline to a really mean-spirited joke.”

“Obviously!!!”

“And you’re literally soooo embarrassing. Can you even imagine? No, really, think about it! Having to watch all the worst mistakes you’ve ever made play out in the third person, over and over and over again?”

“Yes!! I pretty much constantly imagine it!!!!”

“Teehee,” the stranger giggles prettily. “Well! To be honest, I came looking because I wanted to make you feel bad. But it looks like you’re doing a pretty good job of it all on your own! Nice work, Stardust!”

“No it isn’t,” Isa groans. “Sif, we’ve talked about this! Beating yourself up doesn’t help any—“ A beat too late, the neurons finally connect. Stardust, the stranger said. Where has he heard that before? “Waaaiiiit. Wait a second… You’re that star, aren’t you? Loop, right?”

He’s not expecting to see both of them flinch.

“Stop,” Sif blurts out, the word clipped with panic. “That’s not— You don’t know what you’re—”

“Yup!!!!” the stranger says brightly. “Haha!!! That’s me!!!! Everyone’s favorite star!!!!! I’m a person now!!!! Isn’t that just a shocking turn of events!!!!”

“Um. Uh. Yyyy….yes?”

Siffrin turns to the (former) star, looking pained. “That’s— Are you sure? You don’t have to—”

“HA HA HA!!!!!” Loop almost screams. “What a fascinating notion!!! But, just for the sake of argument, consider this counterpoint: eat shit and die!!!!”

“I just don’t think it has to be like this,” Siffrin mutters.

“Well!! You wouldn’t, wouldn’t you!! You don’t have to think about anything!!!! You don’t even need that eye!!! You can just go limp and let everyone lead you by the nose toward the next stupid blinding monument to your achievements!!!!”

Siffrin listens calmly, nodding. Then they ask, “Will you travel with us?”

“Wh-What???” Loop sputters.

“Uhhh,” Isa says. “...What?”

“We’re on our way to pick up Bonnie. And then we’re meeting Odile outside Dormont. Mira’s giving a speech.”

“Okay???” Loop says defensively. “I still don’t see—”

“You said you couldn’t make friends,” Sif explains. “But I don’t think it’s ‘cause w— ‘Cause you’re unlikable. People are just… confusing. Mostly. Our friends are… less hard.”

“B-But,” Loop stammers. “But—even if that was true, the last thing they’d want is another weird little freak hanging off their coattails.”

“They don’t mind,” Sif says firmly. “They keep saying so. And you’re not even little. Why are you taller than me?”

Kind of a weird question, if you ask Isabeau, but the former star just snorts. “Must be all that character I built. Maybe it leant me a little more ~gravitas~.”

They startle violently when Siffrin reaches out and takes their hand.

“Please,” Sif says seriously. “It was so unfair. All of it. But it doesn’t have to be like that forever. Not completely, anyway.”

Loop flicks him off like a spider and flashes a bright, glassy smile. “Ohhh~, Stardust. You really don’t get it, do you? It’s much too late for that sort of thing. I’m already ruined, hehe! I can’t ever go back.”

“So go forward.”

Loop’s pale eyes widen. Seemingly against their will, a nervous giggle slips out of them. “H-Haha… Just like that, huh?”

“Only if you want,” Siffrin shrugs. “But... well. I do.”

###

“…Sif?” Isa mumbles, when they’ve finally turned in for the night. He’s pretty sure he only sounds a little bit pathetic. “Um… how do you know them? And why do you know a star? And why do they look so different?”

Siffrin sighs. “If they’re not telling, I shouldn’t either. But. Um. I guess I can probably say that… we’re from the same country.”

“What!! Really??”

Sif nods.

“Like the King???”

Another nod.

“Is everyone from your country some kind of… weird eldritch demigod?”

Siffrin’s face shutters. “I wouldn't know.”

Oof. Yeah. Obviously. Is Isabeau ever going to learn to stop putting his foot in his mouth? “R-Right. Um… duh. Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Sif sighs, softening. “Sorry. I’m just. A little overwhelmed. It’s… a lot to take in.”

That makes sense. Isa feels that way, too, and he only ever met Loop once. “Um. Um… Y-You don’t have to answer right now; I totally get it if you need some time to clear your head, but… I guess I was just wondering… You don’t have any more secret partners, right? I-It’s okay if you do!!! As long as you’re still mine, too. For as long as you want to be, I mean. It’s just… It might be nice to know…”

Sif’s smile softens. They reach up and curl one hand around the back of Isa’s neck, pulling him down till they can bump his forehead with theirs. “Like I said. It’s really not like that. (I don’t think.) But, no. No more. …That I remember.”

It’s not the most reassuring thing that Isa’s ever heard, but he’ll take what he can get.

this story is technically part 3 of a series, but it's more of a triptych than a trilogy! (i.e. all existing chapters stand on their own, but exist as pieces of a larger picture). if you wanna read the rest before i wrap the last chapter, feel free to swing by AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52448152/chapters/132681694

#isat spoilers #isat loop #isat siffrin #isafrin #isat fanfic

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crazycatgirl420 · 8 months

Text

Gotham's Black Rose

Dpxdc fanfic Sam is Bruce Wayne's daughter, adopted by the Manson family. Everlasting Trio, toddler Ellie. Pharoah Tucker, Witch Sam, Space Ancient Danny, and Cujo too.

"How do you feel now?" Mrs. Foley asked, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom.

Chapter 3: Revelation

Sam removed the tinfoil from her hair. Purple, with a smattering of black, but her hair was mainly a bright vivid purple now. Her purple contacts were back, and last night she even got her nose pierced.

"Better," Sam said. "I feel more like me now,"

"That's good," Mrs. Foley said. "Remember to clean up, dinner will be done soon and Tucker finished whatever he was doing for you,"

Hacking into the Justice League's database of DNA records, to cross-reference her DNA too. It's the largest DNA database in the world. If her biological parents were Heroes or Villians or otherwise employed by such a person then explaining the chaos that was her life would be easier. If not, then she wasn't sure if she wanted to meet them. Her life was messy and complicated and dangerous, bringing someone unprepared into her life would be an unnecessary risk.

"Thanks Mrs. Foley," Sam said. "I'll be down soon,"

The test finished running while they were eating. Sam and Tucker left the table, nervous and excited in equal measure.

"I can't look," Sam said, closing her eyes at the door to Tucker's office.

Tucker took her hand and pulled her in.

"No fucking way," Tucker said, pushing Sam into a rolling stool and spinning her around to face a monitor. "You're gonna wanna see this," Sam leaned back into Tucker's chest, covering her eyes with her hands.

Tucker clicked away on the keyboard, his arms loose around her shoulders.

"It's someone horrible isn't it? Like an intergalactic Tyrant or someone who hates kids or maybe someone who hates nature or magic-"

"It's Bruce Wayne,"

When an outsider ran a DNA test using the Justice League's database, Hero identities were locked away on a separate server and only those with Civilian identities connected to the Justice League could be found.

It was one of B's many contingencies against enemy hackers. Tim was waiting in the monitor room for Kon to finish his appointment with Canary, when a screen flashed. Tim watched as the Civilian files were shuffled through by the outsider, as the DNA sequence searched for a match. He watched as it stopped on the file of Bruce Wayne and confirmed a parental match.

Finding out who B's new mystery child is was easy. He synced to the hacker's computer, turned on the camera, and there they were. This hacker had an impressive setup, he even had audio.

"I'm a Wayne?" The purple hair girl asked, staring at the screen. "I think I'm gonna be sick,"

"Oh yeah, that's gotta be some cosmic irony or something," the hacker, leaning over the young woman's shoulder said. "An anti-capitalist and her multi-billioniare capitalist father,"

She elbowed him in the gut.

"Any idea who my mother is?"

"Nope, seems only Wayne was on this database. Your mother is probably one of the many supermodels Wayne took to bed so frequently,"

"My whole identity is a lie," the woman said. "If I decide to meet him I probably wouldn't even be an outcast anymore..."

"Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

"I don't know." She sighed. "What if I am only an activist because the ones who raised me aren't? What if I only befriended you and Danny because they didn't approve of you? What if I'm actually an entirely different person than I thought I was and I become some shallow backstabbing arrogant snob as soon as Bruce Wayne says he's proud of me for something?"

"If you don't want to meet him, you don't have too,"

"We're moving to Gotham. He's gonna be everywhere,"

"He doesn't have to know Sam," the man said. "If you're not ready we won't tell him,"

Tim pulled up the records of the woman, the unknown Wayne child, and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Samantha Manson, Seventeen years old, born October 13th at Gotham Private Hospital and adopted a week later from the same hospital by the Manson couple, raised in Amity Park Illinois, an average B student and an activist for nearly any cause she found. From school food to animal rights to nature preservation and restoration to illegal pride parades. She bought an apartment in Gotham near Gotham University, for her and her boyfriends Tucker Foley, Danny Fenton, and Danny's daughter Eliza.

Bruce had a completely civilian daughter. The batchat was going to freak out.

#dpxdc

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rainydetectiveglitter · 9 months

Text

Astrology Rants

As a proud Sagittarius, I have a soft spot for fiery Aries and charismatic Leos. They light up my world! 🔥🦁

Yet, in a twist of cosmic irony, other Sagittarians seem to get on my nerves. Annoyingly so, and I can't put my finger on why. It's like we clash in an inexplicable cosmic dance. ♐🕺

Now, my Capricorn sister despising Leos? Someone decode this for me, please! The astrological drama is real. ♑🦁

Ah, Cancerians – we start off as bosom buddies, but then something shifts. Maybe my Mars in Cancer has a role to play? Suddenly, we're arch-enemies. What's up with that, universe? ♋🚀

Libras, oh sweet Libras. I adore you, but seeing you be doormats, especially in love, hits me like a cosmic gut-punch. I wish I could shake some backbone into you. ♎💔

Enter Virgos – my organizational saviors. Your sass and meticulous ways inspire me to declutter and embrace orderliness. ♍📚

Funny story: people often mistake me for a Taurus. Maybe it's my Capricorn Stellium and Taurus moon shining through? ♑🌙🐂

Scorpio placements, I find your intensity intriguing. Yet, trust issues arise. Something about your secretive glances feels like a one-sided mind game. ♏🔮

Geminis – a whirlwind of emotions and ideas. I'm captivated by your duality, even if I can't always keep up. ♊💭

Ah, Aquarius, my cosmic comrades. Your innovative minds are magnetic, but claiming to know people better than they know themselves? That's cosmic arrogance, my friends. ♒🧠

Let's face it, folks, this is a rant and I'm rolling with it. My blog's all dressed up, ready to spill the celestial tea. Astrology enthusiasts, unite! 🌌✨

#astrology notes #astrology #astrology observations #astrology rants #sagittarius rising #pluto in 12th house #aries placements #taurus placements #gemini placements #cancer placements #leo placements #virgo placements #libra placements #scorpio placements #Sagittarius placements #capricorn placements #aquarius placements #pisces placements

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tiktaalic · 7 months

Note

Just watched Social Network for the first time. I get it now. I understand why I've seen 2000+ Tumblr posts trying to capture the Experience of that film. I understand why I've alternately seen it hailed as a watershed cinema masterpiece that exposes silicon valley for the asshole boys club it is and also as a film that fundamentally misunderstands what it takes to succeed in silicon valley and also as the funniest fucking gay tragedy ever put to screen. And they're ALL correct. In the midst of this film about people who feel a vague twinge of human emotion once a year, Andrew Garfield bravely experiences Shakespearian earthquakes of the soul over *checks notes* Mark Zuckerberg. I laughed harder than I've laughed at a film in years. I was earnestly told by the images on my screen to feel sad for the silicon valley brain-geniuses because the poor dears lose all true human connection on account of their being the worst people you've ever heard of in response to the hardship of suffering nothing ever at all. Edwardo pulled that 'you love Gatsby because Nick loves him' shit so fucking hard that two or three times I was tricked into a glimpse of emotion about the curly-haired fucktwat on my screen before recalling that said fucktwat is *checks notes again* MARK. ZUCKERBERG. At which I'd feel like the butt of a cosmic joke but couldn't even be mad about it because it was in fact the funniest shit I'd ever experienced. After two hours of watching the most obnoxious piece of shit you've ever seen in your life the film pulls an honest-to-goodness 'he's not an asshole' about *checks notes again because surely that can't be right* WAR CRIMINAL MARK ZUCKERBERG. It is, and please know I say this without irony: a good film.

INTERESTING. I don’t think it tries to make you sympathize with mark at all. I thought it had a very…. Not as far as an anti zuck stance. But a mark zuckerberg sowing haha this rules mark zuckerberg reaping well this sucks. What the fuck. Stance. Very Pyrrhic victory rich asshole on rich asshole crime you won at what cost. Stance. Edwardo was in love with him though. I cannot dispute this. The only people who dredge any sympathy out of me are Rooney mara (mark zuckerberg’s ex) and Eduardo saverin (mark zuckerberg’s ex) because Rooney mara voice I was nice to you mark don’t torture me for it. And then he did. I really am well and truly shocked that nobody got sued over that movie. Becuase mark Zuckerberg sucjs so bad in there. BEAUTIFUL flick though. I’ve seen it several times. Incredible soundtrack. I never get tired of watching the drift apart build into an explosion which culminates in mark sitting in an empty room alone with a computer comma hated. Like I watch the social network and I’m like oh it’s about the social media company they made up for their movie. With character types that are meant to round out a cast and plot rather than reflect any real world people. I love it I’ve watched it 3 times this year. My cocomelon

#anonymous #ask #tsn

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pzfr · 2 months

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RP SENTENCE STARTERS INSPIRED BY "THE TICK" MULTIMEDIA

Edit pronouns/names/locations/etc. and combine or separate as needed when sending.

COMICS

"The local ninja union has demanded shorter working hours and free dry cleaning."

"Ninjas aren't dangerous. They're more afraid of you than you are of them…"

"Well, keep driving, we're late as it is! I mean it's not like we hit a collie or anything."

"The alligator is the cow's natural-born enemy."

"Hey, don't knock crazy. The Romans were crazy, and they got all the girls."

"I refuse to accept criticism from someone who's hiding under a table."

"You're pretty uppity for a sidekick, pal."

"A freak with money ain't hardly a freak at all."

"I may be an evil genius, but I can't predict every giant lizard that might wander by."

"Mindless street violence has a place in this country, but this isn't it."

"I have cosmic powers beyond human comprehension, much less yours!"

"You guys aren't going to perform bizarre medical experiments on me, are you? I've already been through that whole rigamaroo and it's a bad scene."

"…they're the most vile, deadly creatures in the known galaxy… they bleed acid, they exhale sulfur, they're covered with poisonous spiny needles… if you even pronounce the name of their species you get a rash…"

"Sorry about dinner guys, I'm not used to alien food either. I'll see if I can't get you a pepto or something…"

"No one sends [NAME] anywhere. Fate is my only master. Destiny signs my checks!"

"Oh, if there were gravity I would hang my big head in shame."

"[NAME], do this! [NAME], do that! Clean my superconductors, read me a story, scrape the carnivorous barnacles off my back."

"We'll (hack!) let 'em know (koff!) who they're (koff!) dealing with…(hack!) oh, man! [NAME], [OPTIONAL TITLE] (koff-koff!), that's who! (koff! hack!)."

"You're just like a gang of salesmen going crazy at some cheap convention in Reno. You guys make me sick!"

"That's the most disgusting super power since that guy who had to eat three cans of vanilla frosting to burrow through the earth like a prairie dog."

"National Public Radio called us 'Heroes for the '90's' and they used lots of irony."

"I am here to fight evil and exchange good-natured barbs!"

"Men and women in skin-tight costumes… cavorting without shame! That is not what the founding fathers had in mind."

"Your opponent killed a nun in a brawl! And you still only won by 300 votes."

"Hmm. Single syllables! A formidable opponent..."

"Thank goodness. This reinforces my simplistic world view."

"Those aren't squeak toys --- they're giant mutant hell rats!!"

"No need to be mean just because he's deranged."

"Can I help being puncture-resistant?"

"Now I'll have my revenge on the man who killed my drug lord husband and put our children in loving foster homes."

"This is the quietest mess I've ever made."

CARTOON

"Yeah, well, don't count your weasels before they pop, dink!"

"I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli."

"He weeps for he has but one small tongue with which to taste an entire world."

"You know why super villains are so unhappy? They don't treasure the little things."

"I am through being your sidekick. I'm through being your pudgy comic relief."

"And that's just it, Doc - my mind has always been my Achilles' heel!"

"I am mighty. I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon. As warm as bathwater."

"We are a public service, not glamour boys. Not captains of industry. Keep your vulgar moneys."

"You're not going crazy. You're going sane in a crazy world!"

"Honk if you love justice!"

"And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception."

"Now you're doing it on purpose. How juvenile."

"I'm not panicking, I'm exhibiting my new invention, Room-Temperature Fire!"

"Look! The marshmallows aren't even toasting! They remain a comfortable sixty-eight degrees!"

"Are you aware your roommate is a hideous monster from another dimension with evil plans for world domination?"

"Listen, a good roommate relationship is based on a respect for privacy."

"A day job? In an office? My worst nightmare come true."

"We'll grow old and die before we're even born."

"The eyes play tricks like tiny round devils."

"Well, can you... blow up the world?"

"Egad. I hope not. That's where I keep all my stuff.

"The night is young and we have umbrellas in our drinks."

"Supermodels usually don't date guys who live in the dirt."

"Let us not forget the lesson that we can learn from this, that man was not meant to tamper with the four basic food groups."

"It's starting to smell a little like danger in here, or heavily-fried food."

"Special delivery! Oh, [NAME]! The thrill of modern postism!"

"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads."

"Crime has a Bossa Nova beat."

"Can't lose my name, it's on all my stationery!"

"Their Achilles' heel is the noogie!"

"We're sworn to protect The City. And we're just going to have to face it: that includes the sewers."

"What was with the lobsters? I thought there were alligators in the sewers. I was ready for alligators."

"Don't make us bite you in hard-to-reach places!"

"So she says to me, do you wanna be a BAD boy? And I say YEAH baby YEAH! Surf's up space ponies! I'm makin' gravy… Without the lumps. HAAA-ha-ha-ha!"

"Ah, savory cheese puffs, made inedible by time and fate."

"And my middle name used to be Helping People [FIRSTNAME] Helping People [LASTNAME]."

"I don't know the meaning of the word "surrender". I mean, I know it, I'm not dumb… just not in this context."

"I'm about to write you a reality check. Or would you prefer the cold, hard cash of truth?"

"Wait a minute, you. I heard about people like you. Are you saying you don't believe in Santa Claus? And you call yourselves superheroes?"

"Cloning is a precise science. That's why I use the Clonerizer. It costs more, but you get what you pay for. My own recipe calls for a generous portion of Dr. Thrakk's Secret Cloning Sauce, a pinch of oregano, 'cause you know a little goes a long way, and last, but not least, your toenail. Mix well aaaaand voila."

"Science in those days worked in broad strokes. They got right to the point. Nowadays, it's all just molecule, molecule, molecule. Nothing ever happens big."

"Well, once again, my friend, we find that science is a two-headed beast. One head is nice, it gives us aspirin and other modern conveniences… But the other head of science is bad. Oh, beware the other head of science, it bites."

"And so, we learned that gambling is bad and yet in a certain sense, isn't life itself a gamble? You can never be sure of anything. Like who would have thought that dolphins could go bad and that fish were magnetic? Not me, no sir, not me."

"When evil is afoot, and you don't have any arms, you've gotta use your head. And when evil is ahead and you're behind, you've gotta do the legwork. But when you can't get a leg up, you gotta be hip. You gotta keep your chin up, and kick some--"

"Destiny, that finely-shaped engine of the universe with the warm hands and the tasteful footwear, pushed you, wings and all, into my path. We were meant to be together, friends to the end. He has a three-pound brain, and it's all smarts."

"I'm sure millions of viewers out there are just wondering what it's like to wear the tights of justice. Well, it's tingly and it's uncomfortable, but it gets the job done and, oh, the job of it."

"So once again, we find that evil of the past seeps into the present like salad dressing through cheap wax paper, mixing memory and desire."

"Thank you for teaching us all that love is thicker than most bodily membranes. But not quite as sticky. And that a heart full of love is better than a body full of people. Merrilly, the feet that carried us on the heart's path today will be the feet that soak in the steaming brew of happiness tomorrow."

#RP MEMES #Sentence Starters #Superhero RP #Supervillain RP #Sci-Fi RP #Comedy RP #Cartoon RP #Comics RP #DC Comics RP #Marvel Comics 616 RP #The Tick RP #long post

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trinitywc · 1 month

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(That's fair.) The idea that video put forth was "Dramatic irony Cosmic Horror". It's the thing in Small Mammal fiction where they encounter something that, from their perspective is alien and terrifying and dangerous-but we, the human viewer, know what that thing is and what it can do, and we know how much danger they're in. It's Cosmic Horror to them but Dramatic irony and dread for us. (Like the Bomb in the Great Light-for a while, they don't know what it was and what it did-but we do.)

[cont, I assume] (A thought I had about the pet store/kennel scene: if the animals in the pet store understood what happened and why they were left behind, they'd still be hurt and betrayed. Heck, knowing that the humans probably didn't want to abandon them but had no choice would still be a knife in the guts to those poor cats-even if their families or pet store staff wanted to save them, they weren't seen as "important" enough. (Honestly, that would hurt the most.))

oh yeah the dramatic irony of knowing it's a bomb/radiation/train tunnel/people with guns is part of what made TGL fun to write- and other animal media like when it clicks that the mysterious object in the woods is a bear trap or something and its Dangerous. Radiation is still a cosmic horror to us though, everything we know about it is just a theory; we used to think radium was not dangerous at all, what's to say anything we know about radiation is correct now? The pet store scene has had more comments/reaction than I expected, which I'm glad of tbh it was one of my fave scenes, but yeah : / the poor animals. not precious enough to save, even if the people wanted to save them. Not close enough to the blast to be killed instantly, not far away enough to be spared. sucks

#thank you so much! love a bit of meta #love radiation as well #asks

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andiwriteordie · 1 year

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Byler camping under the stars or pinic date

OH I LOVE BOTH OF THESE PROMPTS YOU HAVE NOOOO IDEA

it's pouring rain where i live, so here you go. a little byler picnic date ficlet <3

—

drop everything now (meet me in the pouring rain)

The weather is supposed to be bad today.

“Bud, you sure you want to go for this picnic today?” Hopper had asked, gracious enough to interrupt his early morning coffee and contemplation to gesture to the weather channel playing on their family’s television.

“Everyone, grab your raincoats!” the meterologist on the TV had declared in a tone far too cheerful for a person about to ruin Will’s entire day. “Today, we’re looking at a seventy-seven percent chance of rain. Those storm clouds will be rolling in right around noon today, and they are here to stay for the next couple days at least…”

“Might want to reschedule your date,” the grocery store clerk had suggested in response to Will’s offhand comment that his groceries—the entire list of ‘romantic’ foods that he’d compiled based on suggestions from Jonathan, Lucas, and Dustin, plus a handful of Mike’s favorite snacks—were for a picnic date. “Weather’s supposed to get real nasty today. Your girlfriend might not appreciate getting soaking wet.”

Good thing I don’t have a girlfriend, Will had wanted to say, but instead, he’d just smiled politely, paid for his stuff, and high-tailed it back home to pack the picnic basket El had so graciously let him borrow for this date.

As it turns out, it’s a really good thing Will doesn’t have high-maintenance, afraid of rainwater girlfriend like the poor grocery store clerk had assumed because… well… you see…

It’s pouring rain.

The weather is, in fact, very bad today, and even though the rain had held off for the better part of the day—the meterologist’s forecast calling for showers at noon, then at one, then at two—the rain is finally here with a vengeance unlike anything Will has ever known. It’s as if the heavens just decided to open up right above them, completely out of the blue, just to mess with Will.

“Oh, come on!” Will yelps, and both he and Mike sit up quickly, untangling their limbs from one another and covering their heads with their hoodies, as if that might help keep them dry. “Are you kidding?”

Mike just laughs. He seems calm and completely unphased by the sudden interruption to their date, and honestly, it’s a little bit surprising. Between the two of them, Mike has always been the one to make the plans—and the one to become grumpy when something throws a wrench in those plans. Will, on the other hand, has always been a little more go with the flow—content to just be with Mike, in any and every circumstance.

And that’s exactly why Will had wanted to plan this date for their six-month anniversary.

Six months isn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things, and both of them know it. But when you’re eighteen years old and have survived countless near death experiences, including an interdimensional war against different monsters capable of getting inside your head and also ripping you to pieces, you learn to celebrate the little things.

Six months is a long time to get to be with someone, and Will knows, without a doubt in his mind, that these have been the best six months of his life. He’s never been happier than he is with Mike, and these six months have felt like the beginning of an entire new chapter of their lives that they get to figure out together.

Feels a bit like cosmic irony that the universe would decide to rain on their parade today.

“My mom did say it was gonna rain today,” Mike muses, reaching for the plate of strawberries the two of them had been munching on and carefully pulling the saran wrap back over them. He seems entirely unbothered by the fact that the rain keeps falling, harder and harder as more storm clouds roll in. “I told her we were going on a picnic today, and she asked if that was a good idea. She didn’t seem to think it was.”

Will pauses, hands clenched around one of the bags of chips they’d gotten out, and he glances over at his boyfriend hesitantly. “What’d you tell her?” he asks, unsure if he actually wants to hear the response.

Above them, thunder rumbles in the distance, and seriously, where did the thunder even come from? Jesus, the universe hates Will. It’s official. That’s the only explanation for this.

Mike’s quiet for just a brief moment, before the sound of his laughter mixes in with the rolling thunder. “I told her I didn’t care,” he says with a nonchalant shrug. “And that I just wanted to spend the day with you.”

Despite the fact that this—the two of them and their relationship—isn’t exactly new, warmth rushes to Will’s cheeks. His hands unclench, and the bag of chips unfurls again, before dropping onto their now sopping wet picnic blanket. Will looks up, meeting his boyfriend’s eyes, and he finds in them an oh so familiar softness characteristic of Mike Wheeler.

The rain continues to pour above them, soaking them both to the bone. It’s cold, and the wind is picking up, and there’s thunder, and Mike Wheeler is right here, dark hair plastered to his forehead, a tenderness in his eyes, and the sweetest smile on his face.

And God, Will loves him.

“Come here,” Will breathes, and he doesn’t give Mike a chance to react before he reaches for his boyfriend’s hand and pulls him to his feet. The two of them are clumsy on the way up, stumbling over the rain-soaked plates and bags and food, but neither one of them cares—or at least Will doesn’t think they do.

“Okay, okay,” laughs Mike, allowing Will to pull him away from the blanket and into the grass. Already, the ground is quickly becoming muddy, clinging to the bottom of their sneakers, but Mike pays no attention. Instead, he keeps his gaze on Will, holding onto his hands tightly and smiling, expectant and waiting. “What are we doing now?”

“Improvising,” Will whispers, moving one hand down to Mike’s waist and pulling him close. “Dance with me?”

And there it is again—the Mike Wheeler look, the one that still gives Will butterflies to this day. The one where he looks at Will as if Will is somehow his entire world and the one that says I love you in a million different ways without having to say it at all. Will doesn’t think he’s ever going to get tired of seeing that look on Mike’s face.

The smile on Mike’s face grows, and he holds Will’s hand, placing his other hand on Will’s bicep and leaning close. “You want to dance with me,” he says, slowly and a bit skeptically, “in the pouring rain?”

“Maaaaybe.” Will smiles innocently, standing on his tiptoes and giving him a sweet kiss. “Only if you want to though.”

Thunder rumbles overhead, but it barely registers over the sound of Mike’s soft laughter against their kiss. “Of course, I do,” he breathes and kisses Will again, soft and slow.

And so, that’s how the two of them end up caught in the middle of a spring rainstorm, their blanket and picnic basket full of food long forgotten in favor of a slow dance made just for them. Their only music is the sound of the rain pattering, the thunder rolling, and the wind whistling in their ears. And though the rain is cold as it falls from the sky, causing thousands of little goosebumps to form on Will’s arms, here with Mike, he finds nothing but pure warmth.

The rest of the world disappears as the two of them dance together, careful steps taken through the muddy grass. Mike leans down, pressing his forehead against Will’s own, and he runs little circles into Will’s bicep—a careful, calming motion. Neither one of them says a word, but Will doesn’t think they have to.

The two of them have never really needed words to say what they’re thinking, after all. Will knows, from the simple way that Mike presses a kiss against his forehead or the way that he pulls Will closer to himself until their bodies are flush against each other, that Mike loves him. And in the same way, Will knows that Mike understands, in the way that Will rests his head against Mike’s shoulder and the way he keeps his hand pressed, gentle but protective, against the small of his back, that Will loves him too.

There’s no place in the world Will would rather be in this moment.

“Sorry the rain ruined our picnic,” Mike murmurs, and he pulls away, just enough for the two of them to meet eyes. “I know you worked hard on this.”

Will just laughs, glancing up at the sky as it continues to drop buckets and buckets of rain on them. “Should’ve known the universe would wreck our plans,” he muses. “I wouldn’t say our picnic was ruined though.”

A teasing smile forms on Mike’s face, and he leans forward, kissing Will’s forehead again. “The water-logged chocolate strawberries would probably beg to differ,” he points out.

“Good thing I don’t care about their opinion,” quips Will and smiles back, tilting his head up to kiss Mike sweetly. “Just yours.”

“Lucky me,” Mike murmurs. He goes quiet after this and closes his eyes, content to just sway back and forth, back and forth with Will in the rain, but finally, after a few moments, he opens his eyes once more and looks down at Will. “Thanks for this… I had a lot of fun today.”

“Of course,” Will whispers back, and the two of them share a smile. Above them the rain continues to fall, soaking both of them to the bone, and as Mike rests his forehead against Will’s own, Will can’t help but just feel happy.

I love you, he thinks to himself. He doesn’t say it aloud, but somehow, Mike gets it anyway. The smile on his face grows, full of that familiar softness, and he reaches one hand up, cupping Will’s face gently.

I love you too, Mike seems to say as he runs his thumb across Will’s cheek. It’s together that the two of them move, like puzzle pieces slotting into place, and when Mike kisses him, it feels like pure electricity, still just as exhilarating as the very first time the two of them kissed, sparks flying and lighting up both their worlds unlike anything either one of them has ever known.

And Will knows, deep in his heart, that there’s no place either of them would rather be.

#byler #byler ficlet #andi writes not dies #andi's asks

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