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slutforleeminho · 5 months

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“i wanna try something.” you breathed out between the hot and messy kisses you were giving minho, his hands gripping your waist tighter and pulling your hips down against his clothed bulge. he was already so hard, it amazed you how you could do the bare minimum and he would be fully erect in just minutes.

“whatever you want, baby.” he looked at you with so much love and admiration. that’s how he always responded to your requests, inside and outside the bedroom. ‘whatever you want, if i have it it’s yours.’ and then he’d kiss you until you forgot what it was you were even asking of him.

“you don’t even know what it is yet. how can you be so sure that you’ll want to?” you moved away from his lips to his neck, leaving little love bites as you went. he sighed when you sucked on the little sensitive spot behind his ear.

“oh baby, it isn’t in my blood to say no to you, especially when you’re sitting on top of me like this. you could tie me down to this bed right now and take me however you wanted and i wouldn’t refuse.” his brows were furrowed and eyes screwed shut, focusing on the feeling of your lips on his skin. he looked so fucked out, which made you wonder if he was just saying those things and not actually meaning them. but you refused to pass this moment up without at least trying. so you sat straight up, separating your top half from his. his eyes shot open and searched you face for the answer as to why you stopped. “did i say something wrong? i’m sorry, love, i didn’t-”

“no, you said exactly what i wanted to hear.” you smirked down at him, waiting for him to realize what you meant and when his eyes widened and you felt his dick twitch through his thin sweatpants you knew he understood. “would you like that? for me to cuff you this bed and have my way with you,” you asked in the most innocent voice you could, a big contrast to your words. “use you however i please.” your words went straight to his throbbing cock.

“yes. fuck, baby please.” his eyes were full of lust and anticipation, his voice so quiet and submissive that you didn’t recognize this person under you at all. you didn’t respond verbally, settling on silently removing yourself from his lap and stripping him of all remaining clothing. you didn’t get naked yourself until the pair of handcuffs you kept in your bedside table were safely securing his wrists to the bed frame above his head. when you did take your clothes off you did so very slowly, taking your time just to see him squirm. Minho didn’t take his eyes off of you once, not until you were back on top of him and the tip of his pulsing cock was pressed against your entrance. he threw his head back and sighed before he swallowed hard, trying to keep himself from falling apart beneath you. at least not so soon.

you took in everything about this moment, not wanting to forget anything about it. the way the veins that ran down his arms bulged, to the way he twitched every now and then, seemingly very worked up. his chest rising and falling violently, you’ve never seen him like this, so…. so submissive and pliant. it made you want to eat him alive. you ran your hands up his torso, feeling his hot skin against the palm of your hands. a little whine escaped his lips when you grazed his nipples with your fingernails. his hips rutted up into you, resulting in his swollen tip slipping inside of you. he gasped from the sudden stimulation and raised them higher in search of more. you took both of his nipple in between your fingers and and pinched them. he winced from the pain and looked at you with confusion all over his face.

“bad boy,” his eyes widened. “ i didn’t say you could do that.” you didn’t know why you had said that and immediately regretted it. minho was always the dominant one in your relationship, the one who called the shots, the one who called you a bad girl. and that’s why you were in complete shock when he uttered a quiet “i’m sorry.” you tried to hide your surprise the best you could and continue with your switched roles. “how will you make it up to me?” he scanned the room as if the answer was written on the walls somewhere, and apparently it was cause his eyes lit up as he quickly turned his head to look at you.

“sit on my face.”

“hmmm,” you pretended to think about it. “should i?” he quickly nodded and you chuckled at his eagerness. the thought did have you clenching so you moved up his body until your thighs were on either side of his head. his eyes sparkled as he stared at your dripping sex, his tongue slipping out to wet his lips. he looked starved and he just found the perfect meal, so he lifted his head in attempt to attach his lip to your core. he only made it so far before you yanked his head back by his hair. “once again, not asking for permission,” your whole brain chemistry was altered when he basically sobbed, a little tear sliding down the side of his face. “i should punish you,” you were loving this a little too much. “but that will have to wait.” he opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off by completely sitting on his mouth. he didn’t miss a beat before devouring, running his tongue through your folds before nipping and sucking harshly on your clit. his hands were balled up into fists and pulling away from the cuffs, his biceps flexing from the strain on his muscles. the veins on his arms were protruding and you couldn’t keep yourself from running a finger over them, tracing out the greenish blue lines. his skin was on fire, almost too hot for you to touch. almost.

you mindlessly started grinding down on his tongue, riding his face for your own pleasure. you weaved your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to you, chasing after the euphoric feeling you knew only he could give you. and after a few more thrusts of his tongue and sucking hard on your clit one last time, you were coming. chest heaving and moaning his name like it’s the only thing you knew. once you came down and moved off of his face minho took a deep breath of air and only then you realized you almost suffocated the poor boy. “aww i’m sorry baby, could you not breathe?” you held the side of his face, wiping away your arousal from the corner of his mouth. he was too busy trying to catch his breath to answer you but that was fine you’d get an answer out of him.

you sank down on his cock completely without so much as a warning. “ah- baby wait- i wasn’t- fuck i wasn’t ready.”

“i don’t need your permission.” you ground yourself against him. he threw his head back against the pillows and arched his back.

“if you keep going i’m gonna come. so please… stop.” he pleaded, his voice was so quiet which was very unlike him, so you knew he was telling the truth, he was about to explode.

“you want me to stop?” you went from grinding to full on bouncy on him now.

“ahh fuck i’m coming!” his eyes screwed shut, bracing himself for quite possibly the most intense orgasm he’s ever had. only for it to be ripped away. his eyes shot open. “why’d you stop?!” he looked infuriated with you, he was so close why would you take that away from him?

“you told me to stop.” you smirked at him. “why? did you want to come? i’m so, so sorry.” you were talking to him like a baby, pouting down at him like he was a child. “well i guess we can consider that your punishment.”

“uncuff me.” he demanded. “now.”

“oh baby i’d love to.” you grinned. “ but i’m not finished with you yet.”

i’m back!!!!! did you miss me?

taglist: @bangchansbae @yumiblogs @fawnpeaks

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straykeedz · 11 days

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𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 ; 𝐛𝐜

𝐭𝐰: [afab!reader. angst at the beginning (not between chris and the reader). breakup (also not chris and the reader). best friend!chris. confessions. nipple play. cunnilingus. sliiiiiight pussy job if you squint. first time (together, they’re both experienced though). unprotected penetrative sex (don’t.). creampie. bff2l trope. fluff.]

𝐰𝐜: 5,7k;

🏷️: @silentcry01 , @capitainesyallin , @becomingmina , @cottontailtoy , @warpedspirit , @newhope8 (i tagged you since you interacted with my post but do tell me if it makes you uncomfortable and i'll remove your name!) ;

[check out my masterlist here]

𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭. 18+ 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲. 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐧𝐢. 𝐢 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬/𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬. 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠/𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬.

─── ⋆⋅🥛🍯⋅⋆ ──

When Chris opens his door you’re there in front of him.

The pouring rain has soaked you from head to toe, clothes sticking to your body and it’s the worst feeling ever. When you raise your head and your eyes meet his, Chris’ breath hitches in his throat - they’re red and puffy and teary and it’s breaking his heart. You look absolutely shocked and devastated and he doesn’t know what to do to help you.

“What… what…” he opens and closes his mouth a few times, unable to formulate a more complex sentence such as what are you doing here so late? or what happened?

“Can I come in?” Your lips quiver as you speak, voice broken. You sniffle.

Chris blinks a couple of times and then he comes to his senses. Stepping aside, he nods rapidly. “Of course. Sure, of course. Come in.”

He doesn’t give a fuck about the fact that you’re practically dripping and wetting the floor, his only preoccupation right now is making sure you’re safe and taken care of. Chris runs to his bedroom leaving you there, shaking and trembling and dumbfounded - he comes back a couple of minutes later with one of his hoodies and long sweats and a pair of warm socks.

“You should change. Go take a shower and dry yourself. You can put these on, they’re clean.”

“It’s not… you don’t have to,” you hiccup, still crying, and then you sneeze.

Chris cups your face in his large hand, brushing your puffy cheek with his thumb. “I don’t want you to get sick. C’mon. I’ll make you a cup of warm milk with your favourite cookies.”

With one last sniffle and a weak nod, you accept the fresh clean clothes and make your way towards Chris’ bathroom. The feeling of the hot stream of water hitting your body is somehow regenerating, and once you step outside you feel light as a feather and so relaxed that you almost forget why you were upset in the first place. Chris’ clothes feel warm on your body and oddly familiar - maybe it’s his scent that makes you feel home, or maybe it’s the fact that you actually are in his home, wearing his clothes after you just got out of his shower. The tears are back, prickling in your eyes, and a few of them actually slip from your eyes before you can stop them.

“Here you are,” Chris smiles at you as soon as he spots your figure standing in the hallway. You look so cute in his clothes. “Your milk is ready.”

“With… with honey?” You pout and a smile spreads on Chris’ face.

He nods. “Of course. Two teaspoons, as usual.”

The tears are back, and so is the traitor lump in your throat you get every time you look at Chris or whenever he does something that shows extra care towards you. “I’ve… there’s… my wet clothes. I didn’t know where…”

Chris shakes his head as a no, “ah, don’t worry about that. I’ll do the laundry and put them in the dryer. They’ll be ready before you know it. Just, please, come drink your milk.”

He leaves you a warm blanket for you to wrap around your legs, especially your feet, since he knows they’re always freezing cold. The milk is perfect, just the way you like it - two tablespoons of honey and your favourite cookies. It still amazes you, sometimes, the way Chris knows you like the back of his hand. You hear the sound of the washing machine going off, and then you hear footsteps, and then Chris is back.

“Is it good?” He asks, sitting on the end of the couch, looking at you with a soft smile and warm, brown eyes.

“It’s perfect,” you lower your gaze to the now half-empty mug, circling its rim with the tip of your finger. “Thank you, Chris.”

“Ah, shut up. Don’t even think about thanking me.” Chris squeezes your foot, which makes you chuckle. “You feel like talking to me?”

“About… about what?”

“About whatever was the reason why you showed up here looking shocked and soaking wet.”

“Oh,” you murmur, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not upset at you. Just worried. I want to help you, please talk to me,” he pleads, worried - you can read it in his eyes, in the way he’s fidgeting with the silver bracelet wrapped around his wrist, in the way he’s biting on his lip.

It’s time to let your walls down, it’s time to tell him the truth. Why are you so scared? It’s your best friend, the man sitting in front of you, and not a total stranger - however, part of you feels as if it’s even worse right now. With him, you know you can be yourself and one hundred percent honest, but right now everything feels different and you don’t know whether things will be the same ever again if you do tell him the truth.

“We broke up.”

Chris feels a pang in his chest, knowing how you must feel right now. Broken and lost, not knowing what to do. He’s found himself in that exact situation before, when his long-term relationship had ended, leaving him heartbroken and hurt. You looked devastated when you showed up at his doorstep… He wishes he could ease your pain, make you feel better, but right now the only thing he can do is be there for you.

“I’m so sorry, flower,” Chris squeezes your foot once again. “Was it… was it completely out of the blue or… had things been rough lately?”

Both - should be your answer, which is also the truth in some way. But the actual truth is that you weren’t expecting the breakup at all. There were problems between you and your ex, but you were both willing to work on them.

“It’s complicated. I still… haven’t realised it. I’ve still got to process the whole thing.”

Chris nods. “Right. If you need to talk I’m here. You know that, right?” You hum an affirmative response. “Talking about it might actually help you feel better.”

“I don’t think so, but thank you, Chris.” You place the now empty mug on the small table besides the couch. “It was just sudden and I needed to get out that house as soon as possible.”

Chris furrows his eyebrows and goes into overprotective mode. “Why? Was he being an asshole about it? Did he hurt you?” He instinctively clenched his jaw at the thought of your ex, or anybody else for the record, hurting you - he’ll go beat his ass right now if you tell him that fucker laid one stupid finger on you.

“No, no. Not physically. He said some… hurtful things, but nothing that isn’t true,” you sigh, and Chris rolls his eyes and scoffs.

“No. You’re not defending that asshole and I’m sure nothing of what he said to you is true. Nothing.”

Oh, you don’t know how you’re wrong, Chris.

“I’m not defending him. Just - thinking rationally, I see his point of view now.”

“What did he tell you?”

You don’t want to go there, Chris.

“Just… random stuff. It doesn’t matter, it’s not important.”

“It is important since you haven’t stopped crying since you got here. I can’t let you believe that asshole is right.”

It feels insanely hot in Chris’ living room right now. Your palms are sweaty and there’s a weird feeling in your stomach - you can’t really decipher it, but it’s making you feel dizzy. And Chris is in front of you, waiting for an answer, waiting for you to tell him the truth. The truth. The same truth you’d told your ex before storming out of his place and walking to Chris’. It’s a weird thing - the truth.

“He just… pointed out some things. Like, I’ve been emotionally distant for the past few weeks, and that I’ve changed.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it, too,” Chris quickly comments. “People change. Emotionally distant? Does he not know you’ve just changed your job and that they’re making you work your ass off?” He scoffs, invested in the conversation.

“I mean, he’s not wrong. I have been emotionally distant-”

“It is completely normal to feel drained, especially if your life and your routine have changed drastically. He should’ve been more understanding of-”

“He accused me of having feelings for somebody else.”

Chris’ jaw drops. He stares at you, blinking, incredulous. As if you’d just told him the most absurd thing.

“He what? He… he accused you of cheating? You?” Chris can’t believe the words that left your mouth - well, your ex’s mouth. You’re the most sincere person he knows. “You aren’t capable of such a thing, he should know that. You… you’re the most honest person I know.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, nervously toying with the pendant of your necklace. The necklace Chris got you for your birthday last year. You never take it off, not even when you shower, which is why you had to go get it polished. It’s your most prized possession, and not because it’s from an expensive brand or bullshit like that - it’s because he gave it to you. That’s what makes it so special.

“He didn’t accuse me of cheating. Just of having feelings for someone else.”

Chris rolls his eyes, annoyed. “Yeah, and who would this someone be? You’re always at work and when you’re not working you’re at home with him, and when you’re not with him you’re with me- oh.” Bingo, Chris. “Don’t… don’t tell me he thinks there’s something going on between us.”

Your lack of response is everything Chris needs to know, even though he’s only partially right.

“Is he for real?” Chris scoffs. “We’ve been friends for decades and nothing’s ever happened, there’s no reason for him to start feeling jealous now. You’ve been together for almost a year, he should trust you and not accuse you of having feelings for me-“

“He’s right,” you blurt out, much louder than you had expected.

Chris, in front of you, freezes. “What?”

“He’s right, Chris. I… I feel something for you. I think I always have, and I think… I think he always knew.”

“You… you feel something for me?”

You pull the blanket he lent you over your head, but Chris can easily tell you’re nodding. “I’m sorry,” he hears you mumble, even though your words come out muffled by the thick layer, and then he hears a sniffle.

He comes closer, sitting next to you now. “Hey. Flower,” he calls you softly. You don’t pull the blanket down, you don’t want him to see your tear-strained face. “Why are you sorry, hm?”

Another sniffle. Chris figures you’re drying the tears with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Because… things’ll be different now. Between us. And it’s all my fault.”

“First of all, it’s not your fault. You can’t control your feelings. You can’t choose who to fall for, that’s not how it works.”

You’re quiet for a few seconds. “So you… you’re not mad at me?”

“Are you mad at me?”

More seconds spent in silence. “Why would I be mad at you?” You ask, genuinely confused.

“Because I have feelings for you, too.”

The world stops. Everything’s silent and completely still. Nothing can be heard except for both yours and Chris’ heartbeats. The weird feeling in your stomach has been replaced by a more pleasant one, a more hopeful one. You wish you could turn back time only to hear those words come out of Chris’ lips one more time, to make sure you didn’t imagine them.

“You’re lying…” is the only thing you manage to say after moments of dizziness. Your head is spinning, heart thumping in your chest.

“I’m not,” Chris says. “I would never lie to you.”

“You… you have feelings for me?”

It feels weird, to have this conversation when you’re fully hidden by a blanket, but at least you can ask him all the question that come up to your mind without feeling shy. Chris doesn’t seem to mind it, either, even though he’d much rather see your cute face. He bets your cute, puffy cheeks are all red now.

“I do. I have for a while,” he confesses. “It’s kinda hard not to fall for your best friend when she’s the cutest and the sweetest and most caring person on earth.”

“Stop it,” you mumble, embarrassed, and Chris knows you’re covering your face with your hands right now.

“Nope, not gonna. Not when I’ve waited all this time to tell you.”

Chris’ hands are trembling, despite the confidence in his words and voice. The one thing he thought would never happen is happening right now - you’re there, in his living room, telling him you like him and he feels the happiest he’s been in forever.

“Flower?”

“Hm?”

“Do you mind lowering the blanket so I can kiss you?”

You’re positive your heart has never beaten so fast in your chest. Chris wants to kiss you. Chris has feelings for you and wants to kiss you - it’s not an hallucination, he really said it.

“You… you do it…” you murmur, feeling shy. You can’t wrap your mind around the fact you’re about to kiss him.

Chris finds you the cutest. Grabbing the blanket, he gently pulls it down. Your face is as read as he imagined it, and you’re not looking at him. With two fingers under your chin, he lifts your head.

Nothing can prepare you for the moment when Chris finally presses his lips on yours. It’s the moment when things change forever, because there’s no way you can keep on living without kissing those lips ever again. Chris feels warm on you, he feels familiar and foreign at the same time, he feels like nothing you’ve felt before, he feels like home. He pulls back only to lick his lips and press them back on yours, cupping your cheek in his hand, pulling you closer.

Despite this being the first time the two of you kiss, it’s almost as if you’ve done this a million times before. It feels natural, there’s no shyness anymore in your actions, not even when you place your hand on the back of his head and pull him even closer.

“I’ve wanted this for so long…” Chris mumbles, resting his forehead on yours when he pulls back to breathe.

“Me too,” you bite your lip, nuzzling his nose, “thought it’d never happen.”

Chris crashes his lips on yours once more. “I never… wanna stop… kissing you,” he mumbles in-between kisses, hungry, craving the contact.

“Me neither…” you wrap your arms around his neck.

Making out with Chris feels amazing. It feels like finally being able to eat after weeks of starving. It feels like a dream come true. You truly do not want to stop kissing him, and even if you wanted to you’re positive you couldn’t, because it’s your body that craves him and his presence. It’s instinctual, the way you keep licking lips with him, a thirst that only him can quench.

“Closer…” you mumble.

You need to feel him closer. You need to wrap yourself around him, you need to feel his arms around you, his warmth surrounding you and keeping you safe.

Chris shifts on the couch, but even then the two of you are uncomfortable. “Stupid fucking couch,” he curses under his breath.

“Maybe we could…” you peck his lips, and then again, and then once more. You nearly forgot what you wanted to say in the first place. “Maybe we could take this to your room…” you breathe on his mouth, curious eyes looking into his and waiting for an answer, shyness long forgotten.

Chris’ breath hitches in his throat. Okay, maybe you didn’t mean it that way, but he can’t stop his mind from going there. From imagining your body under his, from imagining the feeling of you wrapped around him. He should really stop thinking about it, even though the damage is already done and he’s already hard.

“D’you mean… I mean, am I reading the room… the way I’m supposed to be reading it?”

It’s when you give him a small nod that his brain start short-circuiting. The thought of sleeping with you has crossed his mind before, but he never thought he’d actually get to live the moment one day. Like, for real. And now you’re here, in his living room, looking at with with the sweetest eyes, your lips all red and swollen from the countless of kisses, implying what you’re implying and Chris feels like his heart is about to leap out of his chest right now.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Okay, let’s go to my room.”

You cling onto him like a koala as he picks you up, hooking your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. As he walks towards his bedroom, you can’t help but overthink this. You haven’t really felt this nervous about sex before - it’s a good kind of nervous, though. You’re excited about it and you trust Chris more than you’ve trusted any of your partners. Everything feels right and natural with him.

Chris’ bedroom is warm and cozy and welcoming. You’ve been here countless of times before, but never in a situation like this. You’ve slept in this room, just slept, you’ve watched movies with him, you’ve done research for your essays and worked on your stuff - you’ve never entered this room with the awareness you were gonna have sex with Chris.

Even when he gently lays you on his bed with all the care in this world - even then it doesn’t feel real. He resumes kissing you with the same passion and reverence as before, the same hunger, but there’s no rush in his action - just a desire of living the moment and be in the present with you. He doesn’t care about anything else right now, you’re laying on his bed and that’s everything that matters - the whole world can go to hell for all he cares. You’re wearing his clothes, laying on his bed, and everything feels so beautifully domestic that he doesn’t want to let go of this moment, too afraid to ruin it.

“Chris…” you breathe out when he starts kissing the soft spot below your jaw.

Your legs part almost naturally, welcoming his body in between them, allowing him to press himself on you. The contact his erection makes with the front of the sweats you’re wearing makes you want more. The awareness that you’re the one who’s making him feel this way right now sends a shiver down your spine which makes you arch your back.

Chris slips one hand under the hoodie you’re wearing, caressing your warm, soft skin. He’s never touched you in such an intimate way. His thumb draws imaginary shapes on your stomach, imaginary patterns that make no sense but that right now, to you, they’re the most wholesome thing in the world. Chris’ hand moves up, up, until the pads of his fingers come to brush the underside of one of your breasts and you gasp against his mouth.

“Is this… not okay?” Chris has to ask, he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way.

You shake your head as a no and he immediately moves his hand, but you place it back to where it was. “No, I meant… it’s okay. More than okay, actually.”

Chris cups your breast with a delicacy only someone like him can have within himself, treating your body as if it were made of glass and he was terrified to scratch, or worse, break it. His thumb brushes your nipple, feeling it harden under his touch, and you want nothing more than for him to wrap his lips around it.

He seems to read your mind. “Can I take it off?” He asks, referring to the hoodie.

“Yeah. You too,” you tug at his black t-shirt, lifting it up just a little bit.

“Together?” Chris asks and you nod.

You both take off the pieces of clothing at the same time, remaining half-naked in front of each other. You’ve seen Chris shirtless countless of times before, but never in this context, and that’s why it feels completely different this time. He looks absolutely stunning and perfect and yours. You bite your lip at the realisation.

He’s going through the exact same thought process inside his head - brain chemistry altered by the sight of your perfect breasts right in front of his eyes.

“You’re all mine…” he mumbles, latching his lips on yours once more, his hands on your chest.

It’s when his fingers slip under the thick waistband of the sweats he’d lent you, that you realise it’s not just an hallucination - Chris is about to see you naked and you’re about to see him naked and he’s gonna be inside you and you’re gonna make love to each other for the first time tonight.

He starts kissing your neck and then your collarbone, and his fingers stay exactly where they are, touching you slowly beneath the waistband, but not going too far as to touch your most private parts. When his lips wrap around your nipple, however, it takes you so off guard that you gasp and arch your back, which allows his fingers to brush you there. You both blush at the sudden contact he makes with your pussy and clit.

He lifts his head to look at you, searching for any sign of discomfort in your eyes - instead, you just beg him, “please.”

Chris hides his face in your neck, taking a deep breath as he feels his cock throb and twitch inside his underwear. He starts by pulling the sweats down your legs, slowly, while kissing you. You do feel a little bit shy about being fully naked while he’s still got his pants and underwear on, and he senses that, so he starts undressing himself, pulling down his own clothes. Even though you can’t see his cock, you hear the sound it makes when it slaps against Chris’ stomach.

Both you and Chris shiver when his tip accidentally brushes your naked pussy, completely unintentionally since Chris was just trying to make himself comfortable and ready for what he’s about to do next.

“Can I eat you out?”

You feel already dizzy at the mere thought of Chris going down on you. “Yeah. Please,” you beg once more and Chris is losing his mind.

He leaves gentle kisses all over your skin as he moves down. Your chest, your stomach, your navel, your thighs, until his lips brush you there where you need him the most. He starts leaving small pecks there, too, taking his time, not wanting to rush anything, worshipping you like you deserve.

The first lick on your clit makes you let out a small hmph sound which you try in vain to muffle with the back of your hand. Of course he finds it in record time. That should make you feel jealous of his previous partners and sexual encounters, perhaps, but right now you’re just thankful he’s nothing like your exes.

Chris knows how to use his tongue, licking and lapping at your pussy like there’s no tomorrow - his only goal is to have you cumming on his tongue and hearing those pretty sounds you’re trying so hard to muffle and hold back. He grunts against your skin, wrapping his plump lips around your clit and sucking, chuckling satisfied when he finally manages to make you moan. All for him. It’s him who’s making you feel so good.

He licks and kisses and sucks and strokes your clit with the tip of his fingers, pleased with the way your legs are shaking on each side of his head. He starts grinding his cock on the mattress by reflex, smearing pre-cum all over the covers, which you’ve already stained and soaked with your wetness that’s pooling under your ass, a mixture of your arousal and Chris’ saliva.

“Chris… Chris…” you pant, legs shaking like crazy and Chris hooks his arms under your thighs to make sure you don’t move and squirm too much, burying his face in your sweet cunt.

He makes out with your pussy, swallowing your arousal and humming at how delicious you taste. He lets out a tiny humph when you entangle your fingers in his hair and tug at it when you’re about to reach your high, pulling him even closer until all he can smell, taste, feel is you.

“Chris…” with one last whimper of his name you come onto his tongue, clit throbbing in his mouth. He continues to suck and tease it with the tip of his tongue until you gently tap and push him by the shoulder.

Chris kisses your inner thighs, your hips, your stomach as you come down from your high, your taste is still invading his mouth and he wishes it’d never fade away. He’s already addicted to you.

“You okay?” He mumbles on your skin, resting his chin on your stomach as he looks at you.

You nod. “I’m feeling great,” you toy with the ends of his hit, twisting it with your finger, “need you, though.” The need to feel him close is stronger than anything else.

“Let’s get under the covers, yeah?”

You feel incredibly at home between Chris’ bedsheets, in his arms as he finds his place between your legs, his hard, leaking cock pressed on your stomach. You can feel it perfectly, hard and hot and velvety at the touch. You want to return the favour, but you’re both too needy right now, and if you don’t get to feel him inside of you within the next couple of minutes you might actually explode.

Chris’ strong arms are on each side of your head, and then his lips are back on yours. You’re tracing imaginary patterns on his back with the tip of your finger - at least Chris thinks they’re imaginary, while you’re actually drawing little hearts all over his skin.

He begins to tease you by slowly moving his hips, allowing his hard member to slide up and down your folds, his balls pressing on your clit with each thrust, and you feel yourself getting wet all over again, even more than before, perhaps. You wrap your legs around him, pulling him closer until you can’t even distinguish where your body ends and his begins, until you’re one thing.

Chris pulls back only to stretch his arm out towards his nightstand to grab a condom, you suppose. You’re quick to entangle your fingers with his, stopping him.

“Without…” you murmur, hiding your face in the crook of his neck - you’re blushing and your face feels super hot, almost as if it were on fire right now. “Can we do it without?” you ask him and Chris blinks a few times, incredulous.

“Are you sure? One hundred percent?” He asks. He needs you to be sure, it’s a huge step.

You nod repeatedly. “Need… need to feel you. I’m clean, I’ve never… I’ve never done it without a condom before. Want you to be my first.”

Chris kicks his head slightly back and squeezes his eyes shut in an attempt to control himself. Those words, together with the way that you’re looking at him and with how hot and wet you feel pressed on him. He knows you’re on birth control, and he trusts you and knows you’re telling the truth about being clean.

“I’ve never done it without a condom, too. And I’m clean. We can… we can do it without one, if you promise me you’re really sure.”

“I am, Chris. Promise.”

He shifts all his weight on one arm as he wraps his fingers around his cock. You can’t help but bite your lip at the feeling of his tip brushing your entrance - Chris makes sure it’s wet enough before pushing inside of you, he would never hurt you.

The both of you let out a gasp and look into each other’s eyes when he finally slips inside of you. It’s different than anything you know, it’s different than anything he knows. He pushes inside of you slowly, not wanting to rush it and give in to his instincts, and only when he’s bottomed out inside of you you feel complete. You’ve been dreaming of this for so long, and now he’s here, in your arms, between your legs and inside of you, and everything feels right for the first time in forever.

You’re making love to Chris. Chris is making love to you. You’ve never felt more alive.

He starts moving inside of you. The pace is slow, excruciatingly slow at first. Chris just sways his hips back and forth tentatively, feeling your warmth and your wetness engulfing his member wholly. He feels the closest he’s ever been to you - physically, of course, but also from an emotional point of view.

“You feel amazing,” he whispers in your ear, thrusting just a little bit harder, craving more and more. “All mine. You’re all mine. My pretty flower. Never letting you go, you’re stuck with me now.”

You giggle, kissing his lips softly. “Fine by me. I’ve been wanting to be yours for the longest time.”

“I’m yours, too, yeah? I’ve always been, flower.”

He bites his lip to hold back a moan, continuing to fuck into you at a steady pace, sinking deeper and deeper inside of you with each thrust. A soft bite on your collarbone, a sweet suck on the soft flesh, then he cups one of your breasts in one hand and wraps his lips around your nipple once again while still fucking you, and keeps on sucking and licking until he feels his orgasm building up in his stomach.

“Touch yourself,” he nuzzles your cheek. “Wanna cum together.”

You look him in the eye as you touch yourself the way you like it, setting the right pace and applying the right pressure on the sensitive bundle of nerves, and it doesn’t take long before your toes begin to curl and your legs start to shake. Chris, on top of you, still fucking you, squeezes his eyes shut, his mouth falls open as he feels close to his release.

Before he could pull out, you whisper in his ear, “inside. Cum inside of me. Need to feel you.”

Chris reaches his high mere seconds later, with a choked moan, hiding his face in your chest, and you release around him immediately after. He fills you up slowly, and you can’t really feel it, except for the unfamiliar warmth that starts spreading down there.

Neither of you move. Chris stays exactly where he is, on top of you, inside of you, and you have no intention to unwrap your limbs from around him. It doesn’t matter that you’re all sweaty and sticky and that his warm cum is already starting to ooze out of you - neither of you wants to let go.

A giggle escapes your lips, and Chris snaps his head to look at you, curious to know the reason behind it. “What?” He asks with a smile on his face.

His cute dimple appears. You poke it. “Nothing. I just realised that now I know what you sound like in bed,” you giggle once more, covering your lips with your hand.

Chris’ cheeks turn red. “Ah… Hey, I know what you sound like, too!” He protests with a chuckle.

“True, but I also know what your orgasm face is like,”you add, sticking your tongue out at him.

“And I know what you taste like,” he whispers on your lips, looking into your eyes, “and I also know what you feel like when you’re wrapped around me. I know what it feels like to be inside you and to fill you up.”

It’s your turn to blush now. You cover your face with both of your hands. “Chris! You can’t say things like that!” You whine, embarrassed.

“But why not?” He asks, rolling over and carrying you with him so that you’re now lying on top of him. “I always thought I knew you like the back of my hand. But you know what I just realised?” He pulls a strand of hair away from your face.

“What?”

“There’s so many things I don’t know about you, and I can’t wait to find them all out, one by one. I wanna learn everything that makes you… you.”

“Does this mean…” you mumble, absentmindedly drawing invisible flowers and hearts on his chest. “That you’re my boyfriend now?”

“Well, that depends,” he says seriously.

“On what?” you pout, looking at him with big, doe eyes.

He smiles at you, the dimple is back. “Do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

You hate mornings.

Tossing and turning in your bed, you soon come to realise there’s no way you’re getting back to sleep - the sun is already up in the sky and shining bright, lighting the whole room. When you open your eyes, realisation hits you - this is not your bed.

You inevitably start thinking of the previous night, of Chris, of your confession and what happened after. The tingling feeling between your legs is the proof that it wasn’t a dream - your, actually Chris’, clothes on the floor are the proof you didn’t hallucinate it.

You’re in Chris’s bed. The full ache between your legs is there because of Chris. The clothes on the floor are Chris’. But where is he? Why isn’t he beside you and why aren’t his clothes on the floor as well?

Your heart beats fast in your chest as you get up and start dressing yourself to look presentable, thinking of the worst scenarios possible. Perhaps he realised last night was a mistake. Perhaps he doesn’t know how to turn you down without breaking your heart. You rush downstairs.

And you find him there, in the kitchen. With his curly hair all dishevelled and all over the place. In a worn-out hoodie he just won’t throw out just because it’s was an old gift of yours. With his bare feet against the cold floor.

Two mugs on the table. Plenty of cookies on a plate.

“Oh!” Chris is surprised to find you standing there. “Good morning,” he smiles at you brightly. “I made you breakfast. I actually wanted to bring it to you in bed, but you beat me to it,” he chuckles, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

Your favourite smell is lingering in the air. You check what’s inside the mugs. Milk and honey. You smile at Chris - your boyfriend. Everything feels right.

─── ⋆⋅🥛🍯⋅⋆ ──

𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐞. 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢'𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝.

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sexybread-png · 2 months

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hello tumblr, long time no see . have these dunmeshi drawings

farcille.....

also have stray gods fanart and kikimari..

and also ocs 😋 ask me abt them pkspslsspslpsslspslspsl

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #farcille #falin touden #marcille donato #namari #kiki dungeon meshi #kikimari #stray gods #ocs

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strayflowersstarsandlove · 2 months

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Texting bf!skz "I'm going to eat you" 😋

I'm not sure what this is sometimes I just look at their sweet faces and go like aaahng mentally cause COME ON they look so ✨biteable✨

🖤hyung line🖤

🖤 maknae line 🖤

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charmercharm3r · 10 months

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Dream You

Masterlist

wc: 4k

Synopsis: He cheated on you— in your dreams, then took kiss it better too literally.

warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, softdom!chan, light bondage, oral (m receiving), dacryphilia, pretty intensely fluffy they just rly love each other

☆ﾟ

4,000 followers! enjoy this lil idea as a thank you. i appreciate you!

You. Needed. Affection.

Just affection, and loads of it from one person in specific. Mostly because you were pretending to be mad at him and it made you miss him even more. Chan rarely makes you mad, he’s always good about communicating and listening, so the fact that you were mad at him and he didn’t even know why threw him off a little.

So there you were, sat on the couch wrapped in one of his hoodies eating straight out of the ice cream tub because you were too upset to do anything but count the seconds until he got home. You weren’t answering his texts, you picked up his call because you accidentally pressed the wrong button out of muscle memory and Chan could tell through the phone that today was just not a good day.

When he came home and found you sitting in the same spot that you were in when he called you– he knew this because you described it exactly as it looked, Chan almost collapsed at how cute you were. You had this ruffle in your brow and his hoodie looked like it was threatening to drown you in the black material. Gnawing on the spoon, your chest rumbled a little as Chan smiled his dimply smile and reached for the tub of ice cream to take away. “You doing okay, baby?” He chuckled trying to pop the spoon out of your mouth, wriggling it back and forth and swaying your head until you decided to let go.

“No, I’m mad at you,” there wasn’t much bite to the statement.

Chan pecked your forehead and ventured off to put the ice cream away, “oh yeah? Wanna tell me why so I can fix it?” He returned to stand behind you and lean over the back of the couch, wrapping his arms around your neck and nuzzling his cheek into the top of your head.

Upset but still wanting the physical touch, you pulled his arms tighter, “dream you cheated on me.”

He popped his head around the side of yours to come face to face with a look of genuine shock. “Did he?!” Chan hopped over the back of the couch to sit next to you.

“Yeah. I caught you in our bed and everything. Then you broke up with me and posted the bitch on your instagram the next day.” You huffed and pushed him away with no force, turning to lean on the armrest and lay your legs over his lap. Chan rested his head on your knees, looking at you with his big puppy dog eyes that never failed to make you melt.

“I thought I taught him better than that,” he gently scolded. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Is that why you didn’t kiss me back when I left this morning?

You nodded. “And why you weren’t answering my texts?” Another nod. “And why you can’t look at me because you know how ridiculous that sounds?”

You were half way through nodding for a third time when you caught his words, “hey! It’s not ridiculous! It could be a premonition, I could be psychic and get into fortune telling with how accurate I am.”

Chan closed his eyes and let his hands wander up and down your calves, lightly dragging his lips across the bare skin of your knees as he spoke, “mhm, mhm. Or it means that it’s never gonna come true. I like to think that, instead.”

It was getting harder to be mad when the feeling of his breath fanning over your skin made goosebumps rise, he loved watching the way your body reacted to him. It was never hard for him to work you up, physically and emotionally. Chan thrived on the effect he has over you, but it’s a two way street and you live for the way he’d do anything to please you. Even if it means apologizing for something he didn’t really do. In this reality, at least.

You wanted to be mad so bad that you debated on throwing him off you entirely, however his lips were just too plush looking and you craved to feel them on your own. Chan took his time to work them higher up your legs, eventually laying them and sticking his head under the hem of his hoodie you wore. He tugged you to lay flat so he could have more area to trace his pretty lips cross, the thoughts of being upset almost totally dissipating under his touch. Your leg instantly wrapped around his torso, to which he grinded lightly into the cushion. His hair tickled your bare chest as he peppers kisses across your belly, hands roaming your back to keep you near. He didn’t move as sexually as one might’ve thought from an outside perspective, it wasn’t to get into your nonexistent pants, you just got him so horny.

So horny to the point where he would’ve kept grinding against the couch if you didn’t feel like relieving him, he would’ve taken it like a champ if you denied him. You never do, though, as if you had the impulse control to ever tell him no.

Chan kept his movements slow, intentional, with the purpose of getting you to relax and see how much he loves you and how much an asshole dream-him was for cheating on dream-you. Big hands moved down to cup your ass under the fabric of your underwear, teething lightly above your belly button then soothing over the bite with his fat tongue. The wet muscle laved over the sore spots with the tip of his tongue, then flattening it, the tip, then flat again, alternating like he would if it were your pussy and were trying to get you to cum.

You wanted that, you always wanted his tongue on you. But now, you needed this more. The closeness and being able to keep him where only you can love and appreciate.

It felt so stupid to even be thinking that way, stupid that you had pulled such childish acts instead of just telling him in the first place. If you had just asked to be coddled, he would’ve given it to you without a second thought.

Chan needed this as much as you did, little to your knowledge. He could feel how off you were in the morning but really just didn’t have the time to fix it at that moment. It stung his heart hearing what dream-him did to dream-you, he couldn’t possibly imagine putting you through that, let alone move on so quickly if you ever were to actually break up.

No, he couldn’t even bear the thought of leaving you, it hurt too much.

His heart hurt for you, he could see the pain all over your face when he got home and it wasn’t even real life. Chan would rather die than ever let you go through something like that in this reality. In your dreams, well, there isn’t much he can do other than what he’s doing now.

Leaving chaste kisses anywhere along your torso he could, massaging your ass with his nimble fingers while heavily breathing in the scent of your skin. The quiet moans you were trying to suppress made him smile, able to feel your muscles tightening and loosening beneath his fingertips. He felt so warm against you, you wanted to thread your fingers through his hair and tried to from over the hoodie. Chan mumbled incoherently in protest and tugged the hem over his head again when you tried to tug it up.

“Wanna be close to you,” he murmured, going back to rubbing his cheek to your belly. You could only giggle and let him.

This was just Chan. Just purely and entirely him. Doing nothing and everything at the same time and making you melt into the palm of his hand, you’d forgotten why you were mad until he spoke again.

“Can’t believe I’d do that,” the barrier of material made it hard to hear him.

“Hm?” You hummed.

He slithered a little higher up your chest and you pulled the neckline to peak down into the dark shadows of the hoodie. You could see just one of his pretty brown eyes peering up at you sweetly, “who in their right mind would do that to you?”

Chan rested his cheek on your chest and stayed there, arms enclosing around your torso. “Dream-you did. And it really sucked.”

He whined this time, higher in pitch and wiggling to get comfortable. Your head back against the couch, you closed your eyes and let yourself calm down before you got worked up again. Chan could hear your heartbeat speed up, placing another soft kiss to the skin above it. You shivered and draped your arms over the back of his shoulders to succumb entirely to the feeling. Just as you finally relaxed, warmth engulfed your left nipple, wet and hot and being suckled into his mouth like a pacifier. “I’m trying really hard to be mad,” you admit while smiling to yourself, out of his field of vision.

“Please, don’t be,” he pleaded, “I’ll never hurt you. I’ll destroy anyone who tries.” It sounded silly coming from his mouth considering it was full of your tit, you couldn’t help a gentle laugh.

A few more moments of him playing with your breast, then switching to the other with no regard for the wet sounds that emitted from his suckling, you couldn’t take not seeing him anymore. You sat up as much as he’d let you and tucked your arms into the body of the hoodie, pulling your head through the neckline just enough so that the two of you were pressed chest to chest under the material.

It was dark and hot, you weren’t sure how he was able to stand being underneath it for so long. You couldn’t totally see him, but you knew he was looking at you– or at least, attempting to. You felt for his cheeks and held him just millimeters away, feeling his calm breathing over your chin. In almost total darkness, unable to see but could feel each other entirely, he whispered, “you’re safe with me. You’ll always be safe with me.”

You pulled him into you, savoring the fragile way he always tended to kiss you when you were particularly emotional, scared as if he’d break you. Handle with care, your heart said, and he did just that and more. Delicate. Do not touch, written outside the glass case he envisioned you in whenever something went even remotely in the opposite direction you wanted. It wasn’t that you needed the protection, by no means were you unable to handle yourself, but you invoked something in him that he couldn’t control. Fortunately for him, you let him smother you and baby you and wrap you in bubble wrap so tight you couldn’t breathe because it felt good to be seen. It felt good to be loved, and loved by him.

It was getting more and more difficult not to rut your hips against him, any part of him because he made you that insatiable. Chan could feel you trying to restrain and laughed against your lips.

“What if I want you to break me?” He glitched for a second, then went back to kissing you with a little more intensity.

“Then, I’ll just have to put you together again.” You ripped the hoodie away, leaving you naked in his hold aside from the underwear you were soaking through. “And break you, put you together again, and again, and again until you’re begging for me to stop.”

You felt the wave of butterflies flutter right between your legs and caved.

“Fuck– take me to the bedroom.”

Chan stood just to throw you over his shoulder effortlessly, entirely too excited for either of your own good. It wasn’t until now that you noticed he was still in those uncomfortably tight jeans he left in this morning, your mouth watered at the timely prospect of getting him out of them. You just couldn’t stop yourself from sending a light smack to his ass as he walked through the bedroom door, and he reciprocated with an even harder one to the bare skin of your own.

He laid you down gently just to cover your body with his own once again, not letting you strip him without your tongues laving against one another's. His shirt came off first, tossing it towards the headboard, your underwear, then his pants. Chan stopped you from reaching for his underwear so he could tease you, barely tugging the elastic down his hips and letting his erection catch in the fabric until he finally let it slap against his lower belly erotically.

Chan let them fall to the floor before kneeling tall onto the bed, “turn around,” he instructed. You followed and faced the headboard, seeing him reach around for his discarded shirt. Just barely could you feel his hot breath against your neck, “are you sure this is what you want tonight, baby?”

You hummed with desperation, “break me. Lovingly, please.”

Leaving a small peck to your cheek for reassurance, Chan grabbed your arms harshly and brought them behind your back. He used his forgotten shirt as a makeshift restraint, keeping you bound and tied up with no way of being able to touch him, you wondered what it was he had in store that required it.

Once he finished he sat opposite of you, falling on his back and watching the process of your mouth watering over seeing him in the perfect cock-sucking position. The redness of his tip, you would’ve thought it was painful if you didn’t know better. No, that’s a lie– it was painful. Painful watching you be so pretty and worked up and he was fighting the urge with everything in him not to untie you and lay you in the sheets like the pillow princess you so rarely got to be.

But it wasn’t what you wanted. What you wanted was to not think, be serviced and be of service, used to please. Tonight needed to end with you feeling weightless and not an ounce of sadness or anger left lingering to be found.

“Break you lovingly?” Chan called, tucking an arm under his head while the other stroked himself slowly. He swiped the bead of precum, beckoning you over with a single finger and forcing his thumb past your lips to taste. You hummed at the salty bitterness, the weight of him on your tongue and could feel yourself salivating. “Which do you want first, doll? Break you, or love you?”

Judging from the way you were practically drooling down his wrist, he took your lack of response as the former.

Stealing his thumb away, a thread of spit following, Chan laid back down and put both hands behind his head. “Go ahead. Be a good doll and suck.”

You folded so fast that it made him chuckle with pride knowing you were wanting him as much as he wanted you. Licking and twirling your tongue around the tip like hard candy, taking in as much of him as possible. Your own spit dripped down your chin and filled your mouth like a perfect hole.

Chan started to stutter up into you the further down you went. The more of him you took in, the harder it got not to thrust up. By the time you’d gotten to the point of lightly gagging, he was biting his lip to keep from losing all control. But then you looked up at him, eyes big and watery, tears already rolling down your cheek and you couldn’t even wipe it away. Nope, all self control completely obliterated by that single look. That fucking look, Chan physically felt his chest cave like crumbling sand between his fingers.

“I’ll fucking break you, baby. Don't worry your pretty little head, I’ll make you forget.” You couldn’t reply with his thick cock in your mouth, but could see you approve with the little nods you managed to give. “Be a good cocksleeve, yeah? Make me feel good.”

You took him as deep as you could, stilled as soon as your nose hit his pelvis and thought that was good enough since he groaned, loud and deep from within his chest. But you looked up at him again, this time just as the tears fell from your lash line. Chan tangled both hands in your hair and hooked his legs over your shoulders, cock still buried down your throat. He locked his ankles around the back of your head and pushed himself that much deeper to get you to gag harder. The sound that he emitted resembled that of a bear, hearty, unrestrained, feeling.

Oh, how he felt you. Felt the constricting of your throat around him, felt your tongue fighting to make room for you to breathe and failing, felt your tears wet the skin of his pelvis. Nothing but your safe word could have stopped him from pulling you off his cock for a split second to inhale a deep breath, then shoving you back down to abuse your throat like it was just a toy. For now, you were just a toy– his toy.

Lewd and adulterous squelching of your mouth slicking up and down his cock filled the room, overridden just by Chan’s moans of pleasure and your light humming to vibrate up his shaft. He was kind for a few moments– as kind as he could have been in this position, and eventually gave up seeing as you could still fight back. His lazy pushes and pulls of guiding your head up and down turned into him rutting up into your mouth in quick jabs, utilizing the headlock he had you in as leverage to move at what could have been neck breaking speed. His hands held you firmly in place as Chan did all the work now, focused on nothing but his own pleasure as your tears and spit mixed to puddle around his throbbing cock.

You were a gagging, crying mess and you loved every second. So much so that you spread your knees and tried to rub your puffy clit into the bunched up sheets. A few more upthrusts of his tip hitting the back of your throat, Chan let you go entirely. Without the stability of him holding you up, your weak body tilted to the side as you gasped for air, hips slightly twitching from the immense need built up.

He took a second to regain his composure while you caught your breath. Chest still heaving up and down, Chan forgot that your hands were still tied, wondering why you weren’t jumping his bones the second he let you free. Sitting up, he tilted his head at you with a sympathetic smile, “sweet doll, I haven’t even done anything to you yet. Anything left in here?” He mockingly tapped the side of your temple, to which it went unacknowledged. You just wanted him on you again, whining and trying to wriggle closer to him. “Hm, guess not. Did my job, didn’t I? Didn’t take very much effort, baby. You love me that much? Or you’re just a cockhungry doll.”

Through the soreness in your jaw, you managed to whisper, “l–love you.”

Chan chuckled, “I know you do. Love my sweet doll, too.” He leaned over to kiss your forehead, ignoring the way you puckered your lips for more. Chan manhandled you to the center of the bed, keeping you on your side with arms still restricted from touching.

There was nothing you could do but let him do what he wanted with you, but this was the lovingly part. This, although bound on your end, was where he showed you everything he couldn’t tell you. This was the putting you back together part, the safe with me part, the dream-me can go fuck himself because you deserve the best dicking down ever part.

And could you tell that’s what all of this was? Absolutely. Could you do anything about it? Not a chance. You couldn’t touch him, couldn’t form coherent sentences, couldn’t do anything but babble love you, love you, and more love you’s.

Chan pushed your hair from your sweaty forehead, memorizing your features for just a second before he lost himself again. Then straightening out your bottom leg for him to straddle while resting the top in the crook of his arm and aligning his cock at your entrance, just teasing your clit with the tip and spreading the perpetually leaking beads of cum. He would dip into your hole, hear you whimper, then pull away and do it all over again to keep you in a constant state of frustrated that he wouldn’t just fuck you already.

It was because fucking you wasn’t what he wanted, he hated calling it that. If it were anyone but you, calling sloppy sex for what it is wouldn’t have bothered him. But you weren’t just anyone, he wouldn’t dare call you anything less than what you deserved and that applied in the bedroom as well. That was, of course, aside from when you truly asked for it.

Even the sloppiest of sex with you wouldn’t be classified as just fucking. He felt every inch of you in every single one of his nerve endings, in his veins, pumping the blood through his heart straight down to the tip of his cock. Chan felt a little dumb just looking at you, like he’d lost his mind at the mere scent of your arousal, he felt like a lovesick puppy and if you’d ever decide to leave him, he’d die of a broken heart.

God, he loves you. He said it as he finally pushed into your pulsing, wet hole. He said it as he came to the hilt, he said it as he slipped the bondage off your wrists, as he grabbed your hand to hold and as he began to lazily thrust in and out, searching for the spot that would make you cry so hard you’ll pass out as soon as you cum.

And you did cry, not just from how good you felt physically but because even if he wasn’t mindlessly telling you how much he loved you, you could see it in the way he looked at you. He wasn’t looking anywhere but your face, straight into your eyes in a stare so intense it should’ve been uncomfortable. It was anything but, you shed a tear every time you blinked to see him still looking at you like he was sure you were the last thing he’d ever see.

God, you love him. You said it as your hand held his for dear life, as he pummeled the soft spot within you that made you see stars through the tears, you said it as you were curling your toes and arching your back at an unholy angle. You said it as coherently as possible as the butterflies in your belly swept you into a whirlwind of pleasure, as you milked him for everything he had, as you came back down to earth somehow laying on his chest and not at all in the same position as when the orgasm hit.

Gentle beating of his heart in his chest stirred you from the light daze you had fallen into, you don’t even remember doing it. “Hey there,” his chest rumbled. Chan kissed the top of your head, your forehead, then moved to lay your head in the pillows so he could kiss your lips.

As he tucked your hair behind your ear, you finally got to brush your fingers through his curls, so soft and pretty. His eyes closed as your nails raked across his scalp, letting his forehead fall against yours. The rumbling of his chest made you smile, “you purr like a cat,” you said through the sore scratch in your throat.

“Cats ward off evil. Real me is shooing away the nightmares for good. Let me purr.” Chan let you tug his head against his chest with a content him falling from your lips, where his purring turned into soft snores as the exhaustion finally hit him.

☆ﾟ

tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @hamburgers101 @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @lvrhyuka @alexis-reads-fics @linaliskz @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @goblinracha @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @iadorethemskz @skyvastbunny @mamabymychem @katsukis1wife @woozarts @noellllslut

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withabroken-heart · 28 days

Text

REASONS NOT TO END IT ALL:

1) all the unreleased songs from your favourite artist

2) all the dogs and cats waiting to be loved by you

3) GOTTA OUTLIVE THE HATERS

4) THE HATERS GONNA BE HAPPY IF YOU DIE

5) potatoes. boil them, mash them, fry them up till golden and crispy

6) we got 2 more fnaf movies to go

7) dr. pepper

8) you have so many hugs left to give and get

9) you might eat your favourite meal tomorrow

10) keep telling yourself “not today.” one day you won’t have to.

please, REBLOG + ADD MORE REASONS!

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hanibalistic · 6 months

Text

DRUNKEN WITH A SENSE OF LOVE | HWANG HYUNJIN.

genre | romance / drunken confessions / fake dating au

synopsis | you and hyunjin got drunk at different times, and you two took care of each other similarly.

word count | 7.1k+

warning | mentions of insecurity / brief allusion to sexual themes / alcohol and drunkenness

note | i changed almost everything about this.

Hyunjin has gotten himself etched to the back of your mind, and you genuinely did not like that.

You didn't blame him, though. If anything, you blame yourself for falling so head over heels for him.

For one, Hyunjin couldn’t help who falls in love with him. He couldn’t suppress his overwhelmingly good looks if he tried, which he never did. He enjoyed the positive attention, however shallow they often were. He also couldn’t put a pause on his decent personality, which came as a genuine surprise to you after you got to know him better through this fake dating scheme. You always thought beautiful people harbored the ugliest heart, out of envy and bitterness. Hyunjin wasn’t like that. You didn’t think he was, at least.

For two, you should have known better than to fall in love with a man leagues above your selection pool. People called it self-degradation, a lack of self-esteem, having no self-worth, and whatnot. You considered it a down-to-earth trait, a reality check, understanding your limits, and whatnot. Hyunjin was a boy you should fall in love with in moderation but never utterly, ardently, absolutely. You were, unfortunately, the latter.

For three, and this was the stupidest part, you two were temporarily dating. Hyunjin was honest when he approached you and said that his friends, at the ripe age of twenties and pursuing higher education, thought you were good enough to be the butt of a romantic joke. They had challenged him to chase you, get you into a relationship, and break your heart. It was a heinous and, frankly, childish game, but you agreed to it with him for the prize money.

It was worth it at that time. It was easy money! Who wouldn’t want that? You didn’t feel that way now. Pretending to be in a loving relationship with him has short-term perks but long-term losses.

Hyunjin was practically in you, etched to the back of your mind, tattooed on the inside of your skin, taken by your bloodied hands to the bottom of your grave. The degree to which your heart dropped for him was unexplainable by yourself. Therefore, having the excuse to go on dates and hold his hands in public, snuggle with him during outings with his friends, and maintain a pleasant friendship with him behind closed doors were great experiences. But when the time comes for separation, you will hurt, not merely over the breakup, but the reminder that he has never felt more for you, that your wonderful experience with him was just an experience.

Clumsy stumbling could be heard outside his apartment, and not a second later came a round of demanding knocks. Hyunjin's head perked up at the noise, his eyes wide in alert at the sudden banging. He looked at the door momentarily before finally looking over to the clock, his brows furrowing slightly at the late time. He waited to check if it could be a drunken stranger approaching the wrong door, but soon enough, another round of aggressive knocks sounded.

Holding the thought that it could just be his roommate, Han Jisung, coming back home late for yet another odd reason, and also praying inwardly that he wouldn't have to spend the night taking care of a loud, obnoxious, and very drunk Jisung, he made his way up and approached the door.

Flinging the door open, Hyunjin did a double-take before his annoyed expression morphed into one of surprise. His arm went slack against the wooden frame of the door, and he took an instinctive step forward when he saw your drunken state—your features were scrunched up in discomfort, your eyes squinted because astigmatism had taken over on your walk to the apartment building, and you were hunched over. You were not at all the way you used to look, not the way he was used to seeing you, which was always so presentable and well put together.

An amused smile appeared on his face as he eyed you up and down, wanting nothing more than to make fun of and tease you even without your ability to form the perfect retorts he has grown to be highly fond of. But you sniffed for a moment and took a step forward. In that exact second, you had Hyunjin doubling over to catch you before you could fall to the floor, concern lining up the crinkles of his eyes as he looked down at you.

"Woah, alright! Let’s stand slowly, okay?" he commanded gently, cooing at your side as if talking to a child.

His arms curled around your shoulder and waist with a protective grip, and he hoisted your weight by supporting you with his own. Pulling you into the apartment, he shut the door slowly with his feet before returning his attention to you, hoping to bring you to the couch where you could lie down and rest.

“Jeez, babe, how much did you drink?” he laughed, dragging your unresponsive body along with him.

You groaned lowly, trying your best to hold down the acidic taste rushing at the back of your mouth. You wouldn’t know it, but this was not what you had planned for the night. Your friends did their job sending you home safely. Who would have thought you’d leave your apartment shortly after just to stumble to Hyunjin’s home? It was a short distance from your place, but what a miracle you made it without any major accidents! And what a disaster you made it to his home while being high on alcoholic honesty!

You snapped your head up. You were at the perfect angle to stare at his side profile, allowing you the premium shot of his perfect jawline, luscious locks, beautiful lashes, button tip of his nose, and just the most kissable lips you have ever seen. A grimace reached your face. It was an instinctive response. His good looks indeed couldn’t hide even behind the blurriest of eyes. You thought if you lied to your body enough, your mind would follow, so you grimaced whenever you looked at him, hoping to start disliking him. It hasn’t worked.

"Hwang Hyunjin,” you muttered.

He chuckled. “Yes. That is me."

You gulped, still staring at him. Then, as you lowered your eyes to the floor, you leisurely suggested what’s been on your mind recently, “We should break up."

Of all the things you have done within these few months of him meeting you, including you agreeing to help him lie to his friends about this fake dating challenge to punching someone in the face for shaming his impulsive sex life, which you weren’t surprised he has, this one caught him off guard the most. This one also made him panic. It was fear, like sweaty hands and dry lips, like his mind racing with terrible thoughts, racing with made-up reasons as to why you would want that, racing with every single action he has done that could be counted as a mistake.

"Wh–what? Why do you–why? Why are we breaking up? We are fine. I didn't do anything–did I do something?" Hyunjin stuttered, unconsciously tightening his grip on your body before he let out a gentle but firm whisper, "No."

“I know, I am sorry. I don’t know–I’m just sorry,” you slurred, long stopped looking at him and instead was now leaning your entire weight against him like a wall. Your hands waved about in the air. "You are mad at me, aren't you? Of course–“ you snorted obnoxiously–“it’s a lot of money! I’ll pay you. Break up with me, don’t be mad.”

Hyunjin stared at you as you laughed manically. It sounded choked up, like you’ve got wet coughs prepared in your throat, but he could tell you were far from shedding tears, unlike good ol’ sensitive him, who remained in a state of anxiety and was still trying to process why you brought up separation. It wasn’t time for the fake dating to end. It was nowhere near it! To suggest breaking up so early must mean something was wrong with him, but what was? He couldn’t tell! To think he was just losing his mind over what to do once it was time for this fake relationship to end.

“Hyunjin,” you called him once when you noticed his silence. Looking up at him, you furrowed your brows and reached up to brush his face clumsily with your hand, pushing your fingertips against his skull. “Hyunjin? Hey. Answer me. Hey. Hello. Hyunjin!”

He leaned away from your aggressive touch, his shoulders relaxing at your playful antics. A smile formed uncontrollably on his lips when you doubled down on smearing your hands all over his face after his dodges. He was left haplessly struggling between missing your direct eyeball pokes and keeping you from falling to the ground. You grinned out loud; he mirrored it, and he didn’t hear the sound of your laughs mixing together because he hears it all the time.

“You are very drunk, [Name],” he managed to comment after grabbing both of your hands and keeping them at his face level. His tight-lipped smile sparkled when you attempted a struggle, like a parent reprimanding their child, then he moved your hands to your face and squeezed your cheeks together. Your lip jutted out in response. He leaned in to kiss your cupid’s bow. “You’re being silly. Let’s get you cleaned up and back to bed.”

The frown on your face made him nervous. His hands slowly slipped from your face, and your hands fell to your sides. You remained silent, and he let the clogs in your brain move. Your thoughts weren’t clear. The only thing you were sure of was that the man standing before you was Hwang Hyunjin, your temporary boyfriend, and you’d spent the whole night trying to drink your feelings for him away. You came to his apartment for a reason—you needed to break up with him for your own good.

“No, I can’t go to bed yet. I have something to do.” You yawned and waved an arm dismissively. You spoke before you finished yawning, leaving your words hanging in the air in slow motion. “I came to tell you something.”

Hyunjin’s hands curled into fists. He let go, tightened them, and let go again to alleviate the sweat gathering at his palms. You were surprisingly hell-bent on the topic, which led him to believe it went beyond a moment of drunkenness. It must have been a conclusion formed long ago, and you have just now mustered the courage to let him know. But why? What did he do? What did he not do?

He was more than nervous, if there was a word to describe the state of his heart. This was more than a personal problem, which he admittedly still has to work through, but far more significant than himself was you—his feelings for you, his immense affection for you, the fact that he loved you the way you warned yourself not to love him but did anyway. It wasn’t your fault. Your observant eyes, your sincerity, your care for him. It wasn’t your fault. He fell in love with you of his own accord.

If you left him, he would be like a dog without a leash, a dog without an owner. He would wander aimlessly, filled with rage and dread, sniffing every darkened corner for a whiff of your scent.

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked meekly.

You sucked in a deep breath to counter your congested chest, then you shook your head in agreement. “Yes.”

You were very drunk. He shouldn’t take your words into consideration. “That’s fine,” he said as he stepped toward you, “can we get cleaned up and go to bed anyway? It’s very late.”

“No, I don’t want you touching me anymore.” You stepped back dramatically and hugged yourself into a protective stance. “It’s for the better.”

He wondered what that meant. Were you repulsed by him? Did you finally realize how disgusting his inability to stay away from sexual and romantic validation was? Were you ashamed to be associated with him because of his impulsive behavior? He was only good for a short time; did you come to that realization? You were too good for him. He always knew that.

Hyunjin retreated his hand from mid-air. His hands met before his abdomen, his fingers immediately picking at each other as he uncomfortably shifted his weight. The corner of his lips arched downward at your rejection, but he tried to keep them neutral so he wouldn’t be influenced into crying. There wasn’t much else he could do with himself if being near you was no longer an option. He looked lost and wronged; he felt so.

“[Name], did I do something?” he asked, rubbing his elbow awkwardly. “Why do you suddenly want to break up with me?”

You blinked at a random space on the wall. Sitting below your sight was a messy square table with unwashed cups, scattered papers, and a closed laptop. Even in a state of haze, you knew they didn’t belong to him. Hyunjin was more organized than that. He told you once it made his school experience much easier to have everything in one place: his computer, which you knew he often kept in his school bag. You sniffed; you knew him like the back of your hand.

“I can’t tell you,” you replied slowly, not looking at him. “It’s a secret.”

Hyunjin tilted his head. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

He sounded convincing, so you gradually moved your eyes to access him. Standing in front of you, timid as a mouse, was Hwang Hyunjin. You knew that, and you knew that your secret was to be kept from him. Yet, somehow, all that did not register once you were engaged in a conversation with him. He was Hyunjin, just a person you were talking to. If he promised not to tell, then it should be fine.

“You promise?” you asked.

Hyunjin nodded. “I promise.”

You pouted with a glare, willing him to waver and show any sign of deception, but he stood his ground and waited for you to expose your deepest and darkest feelings to him. A faint grumble sounded from your mouth. You looked around briefly to check for any eavesdroppers before you walked a few tentative steps toward him, and you confessed, “I’m in love with you.”

It was like a shot through the heart, and the shot was aimed so successfully that the organ tore off its hinges and fell to his abdomen where his hands fiddled nervously with each other. It may be asking for an exit out of his body, it may be seeking its new owner, or it may come knocking boldly at your mouth and ask to fit inside you. Hyunjin remained perplexed at your confession. The confession had a bitter taste; he wasn’t sure what to make of it or if he deserved it from someone like you.

“[Name]…”

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I am very in love with you. It’s stupid.”

He couldn’t tell, but you understood, despite a fogged mind, that letting him know your affection for him was a cause for your demise. Your emotions were in a whirlwind, collecting up the fragments of all the heart pieces you've broken because of Hyunjin and how you had confronted yourself multiple times with your own delusions that this wouldn't be like the movies. He would never fall in love with you just because you two got closer from months of fake dating.

Even then, he was empathetic to your body language, especially how much they mirrored his. His shoulders slumped at how you turned away from him to trail your attention off somewhere safer, where he wasn’t in your sight. Registering his beautiful face was hard for you because you couldn’t have him; processing his existence and your proximity to him was difficult because you could never have him. You turned away from him to further signify to yourself the assumed truth, your trembling fingers pulling at each other to avoid an awkward standstill.

Hyunjin was etched to the back of your brain. He was overwhelming, and he was far away. Unable to contain the sudden reminder that you were never going to get over him, a rush of tears started to tremble their way up to your eyes. Your face scrunched without remorse, and your head dropped near your shoulders alarmingly quickly that it startled him.

“I love you, I’m so sorry,” you sobbed. It made him panic. “Please break up with me.”

“Why are we breaking up if you love me, silly?” he forced a laugh once he approached you.

His lanky arms were clumsy and gentle after he pulled at his sweater sleeves to wipe your tears. They hovered awkwardly over your face, gauging how much strength to use to effectively dry your eyes but not push you any further away from him. He cooed a bunch of nonsense, but they were sweet like sleepy kisses on your hands. Eventually, he cupped your face and wiped your eyes with his thumbs. You let him; he made you laugh when he apologized for using too much force, even though he never did.

“You don’t love me, Hyunjin,” you muttered.

“Nonsense,” he retorted within a second, “who said that?”

You didn’t reply, so he stood with his arms raised for a whole minute while you leaned the weight of your head against his palms. He thought it terribly horrific that he ought to remember the shape of your face with his slender fingers because of his inability to sew his skin into yours. If his hands were like superglue, he could be attached to you forever—your face, your features, you, his most favorite thing in the world. His hands would burn, but what of it? Better you scorch him than to never be touched by you at all.

“Hyunjin,” you called when you were finished zoning out.

“Mhm?”

“I love you. I’m sorry,” you said. “I’m so ugly.”

Growing up being valued for his beautiful features taught him to devalue it. He didn’t care for it. He wouldn't cry about it if he were to earn a permanent scar across his face. Yet, even then, if he were to have one, he was sure people would rave about how the scar ruined his face rather than talk about how he obtained it. Except for you. You’d ask about it, like you always asked everything about him.

The kind of person you were, his most favorite person in the world—you were detailed like that, and you made him feel an essence of humanity others didn’t. With you, he wasn’t ethereal, he wasn’t a God, he wasn’t an angel fallen to Earth. He didn’t have to be because you never put him on some miraculous pedestal. He was just Hwang Hyunjin; his favorite food is his mother’s cooking, he makes clumsy mistakes and looks funny when he does, and he enjoys making art.

Not a model, not God’s favorite, not pretty. Just a boy, and he’s in love with you.

“Okay,” he said, “I’m ugly too.”

He didn’t deny your false claims; you were the prettiest he had ever known, but only he needed to know that. When there comes a time for him to praise and worship your physical body, he will. For now, there wasn’t anything much he wanted to say in return. Just that he was the same as you.

Your souls didn’t collide that way, obviously. You two were completely different people with varying hobbies and friend groups. However, Hyunjin was willing to chase you like Hell to meet where you were. There wasn’t anything he wanted to be if he couldn’t be it with you. Whatever you are, he is.

There was another long pause. Hyunjin patiently waited, tender eyes concentrated on each crevice of your face as he stroked your stained cheeks with his thumb. You didn’t say anything more, only slapping your hands over his and pulling them from your face. He thought you were moving away, but you took a step forward instead and dove into his arms. You hugged him around his neck, hanging off him like a sloth. He chuckled, swaying you side to side. You were tired, he knew.

“It’s getting late, baby,” he whispered, leaning back to watch your closed eyes and laughing. He ran a hand through your hair multiple times, getting a clearer view of your face. “Let’s clean up and go to bed, okay?”

You groaned and muttered in response. He didn’t hear what you said. He kept sweeping your hair back. Supporting you with his weight, you were heavy, but he didn’t mind. You wouldn’t be able to change your clothes by yourself, so he would help you. It’d be sloppy and slow, and he wouldn’t mind. You would take up most of the bed, sprawled out without a clue that you weren’t sleeping in your apartment. Your body heat would scratch up a fever in him, and he wouldn’t mind. He enjoyed taking care of you.

Staring at him as he stroked your hair, you pouted before uttering three familiar words, “I love you.”

Hyunjin smiled. Whatever you are, he is. He kissed your nose and your eyes. He told you he loves you too.

It was one of those nights when Hyunjin couldn’t spend time with you, and you were unreasonably disappointed about it.

You slouched atop the couch you got at a flea market, which Hyunjin had to convince you to get after repeatedly reassuring you that there wouldn’t be any actual fleas hiding in the creases. This uncomfortable position resulted from five hours of continuous mumbling about how you should not be upset that Hyunjin didn’t choose to spend the night with you, which he had done the past few weeks. He has been somewhat clingy lately, and you couldn’t imagine why. You thought your act was good. There was no way his friends doubted you.

This could be the calm before the storm. Even though you two had concocted a detailed timeline for your fake dating, you wouldn’t be surprised if Hyunjin abruptly cut it short. If that was true, his current sweetness was nothing more than a buildup to a dramatic and convincing breakup.

Pouting in dismay, you rolled up the bag of chips and reached for the tea table beside you, your fingertips wiggling to graze past the black binder clip you used to keep the plastic bag sealed. Amid your frustrated groaning, still refusing to get your ass off the couch even after more than ten seconds of struggling, the doorbell suddenly rang, and coming after that were loud bangs at your door.

A shiver ran down your spine as you snapped your head toward the direction of the noise, your brows rising abruptly at the fearful intrusion. Slowly throwing your chip bag on the table, you stood up and tip-toed your way over to the door where you pressed your hands to the wooden surface and carefully looked through the peephole.

A gasp caught in your throat when you saw Hyunjin’s face standing just a few inches away from the circle as if leaning against the door for support. You immediately moved out and unlocked your door, swinging it open to reveal him fully. Taking a good look at his face before he started to throw his little drunken tantrum—messy hair, concentrated brows, droopy eyelids, and a general look of discomfort—you concluded that he definitely has been downing more shots than he could handle.

“What happened to you?”

You stepped up to put your hands on either side of his arm, carefully bringing him into your apartment. He stumbled with most of his weight straining on your shoulder. There were so many stutters in his steps that you almost dragged him into a fall with you on your way to the couch. After setting him down, he snorted at the cushy feeling of your couch. It took him a while to process the new environment, and then he arched his neck to find you.

Hyunjin could barely make out your face. He couldn’t even be sure if he went to your apartment, but subconsciously, he could tell he was at your place. He felt it in your timid touches just now, and whatever scent he whiffed out of the air, it smelt like you. Licking his lower lip as his worries slowly faded away and his attention—as much as he could muster—returned, he mumbled a string of incoherent noises under his breath before he, much to your palpitating heart’s dismay, pulled you onto the couch next to him.

He got on top of you; his legs had to bend in weird ways to accommodate the small couch, and he placed his palms on either side of your head to trap you under him. You felt heat forming on your cheeks as you shrunk beneath his shadow, your eyes widening at the proximity. Hyunjin has never done this before. The closeness wasn’t new, but the position of it was. Being under him was an unbelievable feeling. He looked beautiful, and his toned muscles became more visible by supporting his own weight. How your thoughts were smeared! You doubted your body would forget how well he could cage you in.

Hyunjin stared at you with a low, drunken hum. Then, suddenly, he leaned down to meet your face.

“[Name],” he started, lowering his head tiredly to your shoulder, “you wanted to break up with me?”

You blinked up at the ceiling, confused, but you figured it could be the alcohol talking for him, so you chose to disregard all the questions that popped into your head. Holding out your arms to push against his chest, you attempted to sit up. “I don’t want to break up with you, Hyunjin.”

He seemed to be processing your answer as he allowed you to set him aside and give yourself more space. You sat quietly next to him, letting him have the time to think over what he wanted to say. The thoughtful pout on his face told you it was difficult for him to use his brain, but it looked cute enough that you almost took a picture to tease him about it once he got sober. You wondered if his response would be nonsense as well.

“Why do you want to break up with me?” he whispered, causing you to sigh. He hasn’t heard you, after all. His lips were pursed into a frown, and his eyes were squinted to show that he was very close to leaking a few tears down his cheeks, but you couldn’t read between the lines and realize what his despair meant. Hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt, he abruptly turned to you and sniffed. “You can’t do that to me. I won’t–I won’t let you do that to me.”

You tilted your head to the side, your brows constantly furrowed. Where was he getting this idea from? You tried to recall any off-handed comments you made. Still, they were primarily directed elsewhere and never at your fake relationship. You’ve never said anything bad about him, not to him, and never behind his back. There wasn’t anything outstandingly mean to say anyway, so what sprung this on?

Returning to reality, your head faintly shook as you looked up at Hyunjin to ask his drunken state about the reason behind this outburst. Your eyes widened instead when you saw he had taken his shirt off, the lump of fabric discarded on the floor carelessly. Heat blossomed at the base of your neck, and you felt your joints sour in panic; seriously, what sprung this on! This was a much bigger issue than drunkenness!

When you noticed his hands reaching to the belt of his jeans, you immediately lunged toward him and circled his wrists to stop his movements. Your panic became a surprised concern at his need to strip naked in your apartment. You doubted he wanted to show you his body. Even if he did, this wasn’t how you wanted to do it.

Moving his hands away, you urged, “No. We’re not doing that.”

“No, I have to! I have to!”

He snatched his hands away from yours and dove to unbuckle his belt again. His movements grew increasingly frustrated the more you blocked his attempt to remove his pants. You were annoying, but he wasn’t angry at you. He was scared. He wasn’t getting what he wanted, and he thought you might leave him if he didn’t show you what he could offer. It scared him that you didn’t want to see him whole, so eventually, he began to sob.

“I have to show you, [Name]. Please let me!” Hyunjin whined, hands tugging harshly at each other by his chest.

“You don’t have to show me anything,” you assured as you grabbed a few tissues from the tea table. You dabbled softly at his eyes. “Come on, let’s put your clothes back on.”

Tears rolled down his cheeks like knives against your skin. He felt uncomfortable at this unfamiliar sequence. Things usually go smoothly after he reveals himself. Nobody has ever refused to see him, so why did you? What about himself was so repulsive that you couldn’t take one look at his bare skin? Why didn’t you love him back?

“No.” he slurred, then paused to catch his breath.

The moment of calm was gone too soon. His hands reached up to ruffle his hair in a frenzy. His heart hammering against his chest, yet his brain wasn’t sane enough to understand what the sudden panic was about, just that it had something to do with you. That obliviousness, as a result, was making him even more agitated.

“You need to love me again!” he exclaimed, eyes brimming with unknown tears. “People love me when I take my clothes off. You need to love me again!”

A puff of air slowly made its way out of your half-parted lips. You could feel the stretching of your heartstrings. Hyunjin cried as he shrank into himself, his arms going around his cold body for a sense of comfort, and the sight toyed with your head by sending waves of deep anguish like mere laps of the ocean. The feeling deranged you—to realize Hyunjin experiences such a level of hopelessness and loneliness was heartbreaking. More importantly, you felt ignorant of his problems. You should have been a better friend, perhaps even a better lover.

“Hey,” you called out gently as you scooted toward him. You brought one hand up to his face to direct his eyes to you. You smiled softly when you found that he was opening his squinted eyes to stare back. “I’m going to get something, so wait here for me, okay?”

He sniffed, tasting the tears rolling down his mouth, and nodded. You rubbed his cheek with your thumb, ever so gingerly placing a hand at the small of his back, hoping to calm him down, but it turned out Hyunjin had a thought of his own. After feeling the warmth of your hand, he took it as a sign that you wanted to hug him, so he obliged immediately by wrapping his arms around your torso and putting his head on your shoulder.

You breathed a small chuckle when he made weird noises after finding a space at the crook of your neck. The transition from him throwing a tantrum to having a mini panic attack to being the clingiest person you have ever met was amusing. As was the transition from your mind being filled with annoyance and confusion to having your feelings torn into shreds to breathing out a chuckle. It was entertaining, and the fact that Hyunjin could bring out so many different aspects of your emotions was undeniably endearing.

He was that kind of person. He has always been. More than beautiful, he was expressive, selfless, and tender-minded. Watching him allowed you to live an emotional life vicariously. All the things you ignored in the past because of mental stress were repainted in colors by his hands. The movie you never watched, the ice cream you never tried, the districts you never visited, and the fireworks show you never stayed for—everything meant something to Hyunjin, so everything meant something to you.

To him, love was a grave of sacrifices. Of his time, his space, his body, and his mind. He was willing to give, and he has given you all except one. You wouldn’t know any of it.

You moved to the back of the couch, cautiously pressing your back up against the edge. Hyunjin followed you, shifting his position so he lay stuffed against your chest with your arms around his shoulders. His fingers played with each other shyly on top of his bare chest as he looked around your apartment absentmindedly. He couldn’t register anything but the fabric of your clothes and how small you made him feel.

He finally looked at you after a moment. His cries had long ceased and left only trails of dry tears on his dearest cheeks. With his eyelashes still wet, glittering beautifully in the air, he blinked, his eyes widening after he found out you had been looking down at him. Suddenly, he grinned childishly with a hint of sun hidden in his smile. “What are you looking at?”

You hummed, finding Hyunjin utterly irresistible even with his tear-stained cheeks and slurred laughter. He was all messy and puzzling, but your heart pushed against itself to give him space to stay inside. “I’m looking at you, silly.”

“Oh, you’re looking at me.” He giggled, covering half his face with his hands and shutting his eyes shyly. He squirmed around in your arms, but not once did he move far enough to not feel you against him. When he was done, he returned back to the original position, and he peeked an eye through the gap between his fingers. He laughed. “ I am looking at you too.”

“I know you are,” you said, fingers threading through his feathery locks with serenity, and a smile so heartwarming that Hyunjin couldn’t help but focus his sight on it.

“Why?” he asked, his eyes shaky.

You pursed your lips together and shrugged. “I can’t tell you. It is a secret.”

Hyunjin’s gaze hardened naively, a gasp ripping through his throat as he leaned back against your hand. “Tell me! I promise I won’t tell anyone else.”

“You promise?”

“I promise!” he exclaimed, sitting up slightly and bumping his forehead against your chin. He burst into a fit of giggles then, rubbing his forehead for a while before reaching the same hand out to touch your chin sloppily. “I’m sorry, I hit your face.”

“It's okay,” you said, your thumb soothing against the spot he had bumped into you. “But you promise me you can keep a secret? It’s very important!”

He nodded eagerly. “I promise!”

“Okay,” you said as you looked up at the sky, pretending to think. “The reason why I am looking at you is really simple. It is because I love you.”

You glanced back down at him to find him looking at you in astonishment. He licked his lower lip. His mind cleared a little for the first time, and he felt all of the universe that was your body pressed close to him. Beyond that, there were more minor things. Your heart beat faster than his, making him chase after you like a madman; the warmth of your skin equated to the warmth he manually cultivated in his bed by stacking multiple blankets together, an attempt to replicate your presence at night; your soft voice, going through his blurry ears, sounded like the subconscious voice he hears all the time. Maybe his subconscious was all just you.

Those were all fragments of proof of how much he loved you. To think you returned his feelings—he didn’t know what to think.

“Really?” He sounded so surprised. It was almost heartbreaking.

“Yes,” you nodded, “even when we both have clothes on.”

He looked down and touched your shirt. “Oh, you are wearing a shirt.”

“Yes, I am.”

He gazed at it briefly before, with an invisible shrug, leaned his cheek against your chest. “You’re warm. I like it.”

You smiled, feeling like your lips were about to extend out of your cheeks to become wider. “You’re cold because you took your shirt off!”

He scoffed and said nothing. Hyunjin was unguarded and half-stripped before you, chastely snuggling up against your chest while slurred words spilled out of his mouth like a mantra. You didn’t try to understand him; he wasn’t looking to have a conversation. You just wanted to lay together without a thought or a worry. Occasionally, he would sit up just to look at your face, then hum and lay back down, continuing to rot.

It was such a wondrous thing.

“Do you want to wash up and go to bed?” you asked. “Are you tired?”

“No. I want to stay here. I like it here.”

Hyunjin let out a dreamy sigh. He threw his head back with a smile, his hair hitting your jaw and sprawled over the crook of your neck. He tilted his head then, letting it fall along your shoulder. His eyes were closed with bliss, and he laughed to himself. When he opened his eyes, there was only the shadow of your side profile, which was good for him. He wanted to kiss the skin, filled with close-up bumps and blemishes. It was a side profile he’ll know for the rest of his life, and he’ll whisper ‘I love you’ to a million times.

“I have a secret to tell you,” he mentioned.

You raised a brow, intrigued, and urged him to continue, “What is it?”

He bit his lower lip and scurried off your body. You sat up straighter then, watching as he stumbled over to the front door for the bag he discarded on the ground. He crouched to pull a small notebook out easily before returning to you. He stopped by the couch, his eyes concentrated as he stared at the notebook's cover. Then, without another word, he dropped back onto your body and made you wrap your arms around him like before.

“I draw you all the time. In my sketchbook.”

He grinned out loud in the same way you would grin at him. His fingers played with the blank pages before, finally, he arrived at one filled with traces of his pencil. You gasped. He wasn’t spilling nonsense. The page was filled with beautiful sketches of your face, and so was the next one and the next. He kept flipping his notebook, and everywhere you could find pieces of yourself dotted out sincerely by his hand.

They didn’t look to come from memories, but they were definitely from moments not even you could remember. But Hyunjin remembered everything because he detailed it all in the lines. His inability to not consume all of you tied his hands together and made you his ultimate muse. Almost unconsciously, for a while, the only thing he knew to draw was you. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t know how else to pour you out of his mind.

It was overwhelming, and you could see that. He was showing you all his blood work: mornings spent missing you with the tip of a crooked pencil, afternoons spent recalling your features in his head, nights spent tracing your face with his lead-filled fingers under a desk lamp. If he could inhale these sketches of you into his bloodstream and poison himself with those images, leaving an organ tattoo of your presence, he would.

“I love this one,” he said, pointing at a full-body sketch of you. “I was waiting for you at the coffee shop, and you were walking towards me. I love it. I was so excited to see you. I memorized what you wore.”

This sketchbook stayed with him all the time; he felt like he was bringing you with him, like a kid refusing to let go of their blanket. You wouldn’t know anything about that. The beautiful boy in your arms admired you constantly, from the farthest corner of his soul to the tip of his button nose, and you wouldn’t know anything about it.

“I draw you all the time,” he added. “I will never forget what you look like, but I always want to remember.”

The implications of that didn’t fly over your head. His addition to telling you the truth disabled your ability to attribute the fact that he draws you in his free time to him being artistic. But more than being afraid of rejection, you feared a mutual connection. The only thing worse than you finding Hyunjin loveable was him finding that you were as well.

“Do you know why?” he asked, looking at you expectantly.

You wavered. You hadn’t spoken since he showed you his sketches. “Why?”

Hyunjin stared at you. Within the drunken fog of his eyes, there was earnestness. “Because I love you too.”

You didn’t know what to say, and you wouldn’t. There was solace in choosing to believe that he didn’t mean it. When tomorrow arrives, and he returns sober, you wouldn’t speak of this conversation at all. When night comes tomorrow, and he’s had a full day of rest, Hyunjin would vividly recall how you took care of him and told him you loved him, and he would draw you again.

“Do you like them?”

His question snapped you out of your trance. Your sight blurred through a sudden quake before it focused on his face. Hyunjin pouted, his fingers tapping patiently at his notebook for your response. You softened with love and squeezed him in a hug, a smile blooming on your face.

“I’ve never liked anything more,” you complimented, “except for you!”

His legs kicked when you nuzzled your face to the back of his neck. His heart filled, like the sun could fill up a piece of land and the moon could fill up a river, and in return for his joy, he let out a boisterous laugh. He didn’t hear how it sounded with yours. Still, it was such a wondrous thing. Your love was such a wondrous thing.