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tarotwithlove · 6 months

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PICK A CARD ⋆ the relationship with your fictional other

a fictional other is defined as: f/o usually stands for fictional other, which is a term often used by self-shippers, mainly on tumblr. you can have romantic, familial and platonic f/os.

· what would they think about you?

· what would your relationship be like?

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit.

BOOK A READING WITH ME · LINKTREE · 18+ PATREON · SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC · TIPS ♡ tips and feedback are highly appreciated!

the 18+ version of this PAC is on patreon!

GROUP ONE

cards · ace of swords, two of swords, the hanged man, page of pentacles, king of cups (reversed), ten of swords.

channelled songs · i don’t care by 2ne1. blessed with a curse by bring me the horizon. far by sza. nobody by miraa may.

my dear group one ♡ your fictional other would have an immediate attachment to you. they feel like they're surrounded by people who are somewhat inferior to them, unable to hold a proper conversation with them or talk to them as an equal would. they're someone who may thrive on intellectual conversation, which may be at odds with how people perceive them.

i’m thinking of a character like asmodeus from obey me, so your fictional other may be seen as somewhat airheaded, unintelligent, and self-absorbed. people may not make an effort to connect with them or get to know them beyond the superficial or surface level. yet, right from the start, you treat them differently. you don’t treat them as stupid. you speak to them as an equal - enthusiastically conversing about a shared interest with ease or without putting on any airs.

you may be one of the only people who your fictional other feels comfortable around. more than anything, as a friend. they always feel like people want something from them or are only getting close to them because of how much they desire them. but because of how you treat them from the beginning, they have a lot of respect for you and feel at home around you.

this also brings us to what your relationship with your f/o would be like.

your fictional other may see you as a close friend. actually, as their closest friend. even though this is not just friendship for you and you also have romantic feelings for them.

you two will spend a lot of time together, with the people around you joking about how attached at the hip you are. and about how funny it is that your f/o has just adopted you as theirs.

you will likely keep your romantic feelings a secret for the longest time because you don’t want to ruin the friendship. however, you will finally admit your feelings and end up pushing them away. far, far away. they will feel betrayed - as if they lost the only person they could really trust and be themselves with. this confession will also make them overthink your entire relationship and wonder how much of what you were doing was only because you had romantic feelings for them.

GROUP TWO

cards · queen of pentacles, ace of pentacles, wheel of fortune, seven of cups, strength, the fool.

channelled songs · lettera a mio padre by ermal meta. candy drip by lucky daye. whoa by rakiyah. heat lightning by mitski.

my dear group two ♡ there may be an age gap between you and your fictional other - for some, i’m getting that this is thousands of years. i’m not all too familiar with baldur’s gate, but some of you may be reading this pac with astarion in mind (who, if google is to be trusted, is about 200 years old).

your fictional other thinks of you as an incredibly grounded and mature person. they see you as a person with a good head on their shoulders, who can be relied upon, and who makes a good addition to any team.

this idea of the team seems so important, as if your fictional other doesn’t really keep people around unless they can provide them with something useful. a skill or resource, or anything else that uplifts and serves a purpose in their life, and in the grander scheme of things. if they saw you as deadweight - no matter how much they’ve come to like you - they would probably leave you behind or go out of their way to teach you something useful. this, too, would depend on how much they actually like you and the potential they see in you.

but that’s not something you have to worry about, because your fictional other already sees you as a major asset. they already see you as someone they not only want by their side but trust to have by their side.

the relationship between you and your fictional other is honestly so sexually charged, with your f/o seeing you as not only an attractive person but a highly sensual one. i won’t be going into detail about this, but if you’re interested in the sexual relationship between you and your fictional other, there is an 18+ extended version of this pac now up on my patreon!

but! anyway! your relationship with your fictional other may be complicated for some time. there may be this overwhelming sexual and romantic tension for some time - from the time you first meet - but the dynamic of the relationship or your fictional other’s own emotional invulnerability may be keeping them from progressing the relationship beyond this.

your fictional other will, in many ways, favour you. keeping space for you, buying you things, cooking things just for you - all of these things that can be seen as just something you do for a friend but is inextricably tinged with unspoken desire and love when they are done for you by your fictional other.

GROUP THREE

cards · the fool, three of swords, queen of swords, three of cups, the world, two of swords.

channelled songs · shrike by hozier. two hearts and no brain by kane strang. drumming song by florence + the machine. high highs to low lows by lolo zouai.

my dear group three ♡ your fictional other may be inexperienced where love is concerned, though they are quite cocky, flirtatious, and love the idea of love. someone like sanji from one piece actually comes to mind. this is someone who feels mentally and emotionally challenged by you - in particular, you challenge their idea and past approaches to love and relationship, as well as the ways in which they view themselves.

honestly, i’m getting a lot of overwhelmingly sad energy for this group, with your fictional other often wondering if they are good enough for you. even just good enough to be around you.

they see you as someone who is as free-spirited as you are disciplined. they see you as someone who is intelligent, talented and fiercely independent, and they fear that if you see them for who they are instead of who they pretend to be you will immediately dislike them and not want to be around them any longer. so your f/o may walk on eggshells around you, putting on a show as they always put on a show - because, then, you will want to stick around for longer.

your fictional other may put you on a bit of a pedestal, though to an extent it may be that they have such a low view of themselves.

for what this relationship itself will be like, it will be a lot of fun. but it will also be lacking in a lot of emotional connection - something which seems to be a purposeful decision on your fictional other’s part. they think that as long as you are always having fun and keeping busy you can have a good relationship without having to get too close. or, more specifically, without you having to get to know them too well. without you ever having to see the real them.

they will likely keep you laughing, always telling jokes and doing things to keep you entertained.

travel and adventure is so important to your relationship with your fictional other, with you hardly ever just having a normal day. with you hardly ever just having a day to do nothing or relax around doing nothing. you will both like it this way, though, in many ways chasing after this excitement - not just together but likely with a group of friends or close companions.

GROUP FOUR

cards · six of wands, four of pentacles, ten of wands, king of pentacles, two of pentacles, death.

channelled songs · skip skip by purple kiss. not friendly by flo milli. every other freckle by alt-j. budget by megan thee stallion & latto.

my dear group four ♡ in the nicest way possible, your fictional other comes across as quite pathetic. they may be someone who throws money around in an attempt to buy affection or someone who uses money to make up for their perceived flaws. though, in the same vein, i don't see your f/o as someone who focuses too much on their flaws - in fact, they may think that they're perfect - they've just always been taught that money has more power than anything else. and, if they want something, they can just throw money at it and get it.

but this does not work with you. no matter how much money they throw at you, you can't be bought or swayed, which, in and of itself makes them cling to you.

they see you as someone who is overconfident. you may be similar in this regard, though they do not see themselves like this at all. to them, you are someone who could benefit from more money (or jewels or gifts) so they don’t understand why you won’t just accept the things they are giving you.

it’s kind of funny, because it’s probably the first time your fictional other has even thought this much about another person in their whole life. thus, they feel kind of overwhelmed by it. they wonder if you’ve gone through some kind of childhood trauma that’s made you like this. you pique their interest and they want to know everything about you.

saiko metori from the disastrous life of saiki k comes to mind, so that may be who some of you are reading this group for.

your relationship with your fictional other may be… complicated. they may obsessively pursue you - half because they’re genuinely intrigued by you and want to be with you and half because they feel a desire to own you. this desire to own you is driven by their upbringing and values; these values that tell him if they like something that means they have to own it.

you may be attracted to this fictional other or like them enough to be friends with them, but as you get to actually know them you may for a time try to put distance between you two. even if only to sort out your thoughts about this person, this relationship, and where you want this connection to go.

this relationship may change drastically after you put this distance between you, as this sends the message to your f/o that you are not ashamed to set boundaries and stand on them. after this, they may try their best to listen to you and communicate with you as two equals instead of a rich kid and the person they’re trying to woo. though at times they are doing this in a more obviously begrudging manner just because they don’t want to put distance between you again.

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loviingpedri · 8 months

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let’s work this out

warnings: cursing, arguing, grammar issues

credits to owners for images.

“kylian, you don’t understand how important it was for me.” he missed one of your family member’s birthday party, once again. he constantly excuses it by saying he needed to practice or an unexpected meeting came up. it wasn’t a good look to your parents. nonetheless, attending family parties alone.

“you’re overreacting right now. come on, you know i have practice. you can’t just expect me to only commit to you.” kylian has been spilling random stories out of his mouth.

“i’m not telling you to choose football or me. i’m sick of attending everything that helps your career, but you can’t seem to even come with me for my nephew’s birthday. is it really that hard?”

“oh my god y/n. i spend hours everyday working hard to take care of us. the last shit i want to come home to is you yelling.”

“well don’t give me reasons to yell kylian. it’s not that hard to be a good boyfriend.”

“see, now you’re bitching about how i’m a bad boyfriend. i just want to relax for once.” he left you in tears as always as he went to the bathroom. you sat there in disbelief. you hoped he would come back out and try to comfort you. there was no point when you heard the shower turn on.

the arguing had been going on for a month. you don’t even remember the last time you were in the same bed as him. or the last time you slept peacefully. fuck, not even the last time you had eyes that weren’t swollen. kylian knew about the party at least for 2 months. every party had to be planned beforehand to clear his schedule. today was his day off as well. he left to the training camp without a word. it wasn’t like he forgot. your nephew adored him, who could forget someone that quickly? you clearly noticed he consistently avoided coming home because there would just be back-to-back arguing. you would sleep in your once shared bed, and he slept in the guest bedroom. but that was only if he actually came home. your family constantly nagging about him was one thing, but the most important thing was you didn’t know who he was with. you trusted kylian in so many levels, but the past few weeks gave you doubts.

of course, the media would’ve found out if he was seeing someone else before you did anyway. there’s already been rumors that your relationship was over. more spotlight on him going out to clubs and bars. the sudden distance was running through your head like crazy. did you just lose your best friend? you felt so hopeless that you grabbed a random suitcase and filled random clothes in it. in minutes, the clothes were everywhere on the floor and the suitcase was going to break from the weight. ultimately, you left everything on the floor and just went outside for some air.

where were you going? hell, you didn’t know. it was just an instinct to just keep walking. you were lucky to live somewhere private so there’s nobody taking pictures, but damn the walk to leave the property was far. halfway to the gate, rain suddenly poured down. your tears only fell faster to the point where you couldn’t tell if it was the rain or your tears. it felt like your life was falling apart only in one hour. the thunderstorm only grew louder as the wind picked up. you were stuck in the rain, cold, and only farther from home. you just walked wherever the wind was taking you, which was to the exit. as your nose was dripping and your tennis shoes now soaked, suddenly light was flashed on you.

you looked behind to see a car. being the only resident in this street, you could figure out who it was. you walked faster which splashed puddles everywhere, but that didn’t stop kylian from getting out his car and running towards you. you didn’t expect anything except more fighting. that thought slowly disappeared as you were pulled into a hug.

“where are you going? please don’t leave.” you couldn’t believe it. kylian mbappe was crying while hugging you in the rain. you didn’t know what to think or how to feel. actually, his comfort made you cry harder. you got the closure you needed after awhile. “you scared me, i thought i lost you.” he was moving the hair out of your face while speaking in a calming voice. “i saw your clothes on the floor. then your phone was on the nightstand. then the thunder shook the house.”

“kylian, i’m okay. i just needed time to think.”

“think about what? were you going to leave?” the man with the world at his feet was currently begging you to stay by him. you’ve never seen him so worried about anything, you felt happy to know he cared.

“i’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.” you removed his hand off your cheek as you gave a soft smile.

“let’s go back home, you’re soaked.”

“yeah, i wonder why kylian.”

“it’s actually kyky to you.”

“no, you made me mad. you’re kylian now.”

“it’s kyky.”

#football x reader #football fanfic #football imagine #kylian mbappe #kylian x reader #kylian fanfic #kylian x you #kylian imagines #mbappe imagine #mbappe one shot #mbappe fanfic #mbappe x reader #mbappe psg #mbappe x you

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gardenoflupins · 23 days

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AU where Sirius is a king and Remus is brought in as a prisoner

TW: violence, slightly toxic characters

Remus swallowed down vomit as he moved jerkily with each press of the silver spears against his back. The king’s men didn’t even have to physically touch him to hurt him. They could burn him just by placing their spears close enough to his body.

His wrists were shackled with silver in front of him. Each time his wrists moved, it sent waves of fiery anguish through him. The only reason he stayed upright was to avoid a spear in his back.

People nearby gasped and moved backwards when they saw him. Remus isn’t sure if they’ve put it together that he is a werewolf or if they think he is some dangerous criminal being guided by soldiers. Most people knew nothing about werewolves, just that they were lethal murderers.

Remus had never murdered anyone.

He’d never even hurt anyone. He made sure he couldn’t.

But the king’s soldiers were always on the hunt for dark creatures and they had located him through his howls of pain. The men sighted him just as he was turning back into his human self. They almost made Remus walk naked until he heard them say that they didn’t want to disturb the general public. After weakening him with silver they decided to bring him directly to the King. Remus doesn’t know if it’s for imprisonment, execution, study or torture.

When they reached the gates, the guards stationed there gave them all doubtful looks but let them through.

“We’ll keep it in the prisons under the castle until King Sirius is made aware of this discovery,” one of the men said in a gruff voice.

Belatedly, Remus realised they were talking about him.

“It will be well contained,” another added.

Remus discreetly eyes his surroundings. The halls were littered with large works of art and the chandeliers made his eyes go wide at the beautiful complexity.

They are intercepted a few minutes later. A young, lean man with curly dark hair strided towards them and frowned through his glasses. Remus knew immediately by his neat and regal attire that he was someone important. Was this the King?

“Explain what I’m looking at,” he demanded with clear disapproval. Remus’s eyes flickered restlessly towards him.

The guard made a respectable gesture before signalling to Remus. “This one is off to the prisons until the King gives orders on what to do with it.”

The wealthy man furrows his brows, looking directly at Remus. Remus looks at his feet because he was not used to people staring at him without recoiling away. Remembering himself, he looked into the other’s eyes.

“Does the King know of this?”

“Not yet.”

Agitation passed the man's face and he began walking away, urgency in his steps. “You will follow me.”

“My lord—“ the guard began but thought better of it. They poked Remus with the spears, making him hiss out in pain and stumble in the Lord's direction.

Two people opened double sided doors for the unnamed Lord and the rest of them. Remus felt the guards around him hesitate but they didn’t dare question the Lord with glasses.

“Sirius,” the Lord snapped and Remus flinched at his tone.

Remus quickly understood the hesitancy around him when he walked into what appeared to be the throne room. There sat a man with long jet black hair. Stomach giving out on him, he realised the ornament on his head labelled him as a King.

King Sirius.

Fuck.

Reflexively, he tried to pull back and this time somebody really did stab his spine. He muffled a moan and stumbled forward on uneven footing.

“Here is yet another one,” the Lord spoke without waiting for acknowledgement. “Starving probably. Is it really fair to throw a young man like this into the prisons? He is hurt, Sirius.”

Given the informal use of the King’s name, the Lord must be very close to him. Unless he was stupid.

The King didn’t bother to look at anyone but the Lord who spoke.

“Another complaint?” the King asked warily, a half smile playing on his lips.

His companion huffed and gestured aggressively to Remus. Remus shrunk back. He was pinned down by grey eyes and Remus knew from his eyes alone that the King was someone resilient, fierce, and merciless.

“My King, this is not another thief situation,” the guard behind Remus argued.

Remus braced himself for the reveal.

“It’s a werewolf. We were taking it down to be restrained but Lord James insisted we come here.”

King Sirius and Lord James stared at Remus sharply. Remus is sure he looked a mess with his hunched shoulders and defensive body language. Even with the declaration, their faces were almost impassive.

The King leaned back on his throne in a casual and aloof manner. “That’s no werewolf. It’s merely a man.” He gives them all loathsome looks. “Have you come to waste my time? Are my men truly so dim they cannot recognise a bloodthirsty wolf from a man?”

For a moment, the King is met with shocked silence.

“My King,” a different guard starts uncertainly, “rest assured this is a werewolf. We found him in his cursed form and waited to bring him like this.”

Lord James visually tensed at that, eyes scanning Remus up and down. The King appeared to be doing the same.

“You’re certain?” King Sirius asked. Remus’s wide eyes drew to him solely and they held eye contact. Remus wondered what the King saw when he looked at Remus who was wearing the King’s official colours because the guards didn't want to bring him in bare.

“Most certainly,” came the reply, sounding calmer. “We’ve weakened it with silver so you needn’t be afraid of harm. We will take our leave while you decide what to do with it.”

Remus didn’t ignore the way they only referred to him as an it.

King Sirius held up a hand to stop them just as Lord James opened his mouth angrily. “This is a boy. How is he a boy?” the King asked.

The question confused Remus. When the others don’t reply, he addresses Remus specifically. “You. Explain it to me.”

Remus startled. Had the King really addressed him?

“I would not waste my breath,” the same guard said. “It cannot speak English.”

The King looked disappointed. Seeing his window closing, Remus rushed to say something.

“Untrue, I can speak English.” His voice was hoarse from the previous night of screaming.

The knights around him stiffened and the air became cold and unwelcome. At all the hard stares, Remus worsened it by speaking because he never worked well under pressure. “I can read and write too.”

His body hit the marble floor roughly when somebody from behind kicked him down. The shackles on his wrist moved terribly with the movement, causing him to wheeze out in pain.

“Do not lie to the King,” the guard snapped and held Remus’s head down with his boot.

Remus groaned, regretting everything. He should have let them continue thinking he was a daft, witless creature. They never once asked him to speak when they found him and Remus was too scared to talk to them. He knew they looked down on the poor and the cursed.

“Is that necessary?” came Lord James’s voice, tinged with alarm. Remus heard footsteps approaching.

“Its looks are deceiving. It looks like a man but is not one. Don’t waste your concern on it.”

Remus didn’t move an inch. He was not going to do anything that would endanger him quicker.

“Remove your foot off him.”

Remus swallowed thickly at the sound of King Sirius’s voice. Still unreadable in his emotions.

“Sire—“

“Do not make me repeat myself. I am agitated as it is.”

The foot leaves his head but still Remus does not move. He hears more footfalls and prays the King isn’t coming his way to behead him. He catches sight of his shoes near his face.

“Rise.”

Remus hesitates and after a moment of contemplation he hesitates again. Very slowly, he raises his head a fraction, afraid he is going to kick Remus’s teeth in.

The King only looks at him with something resembling curiosity. He is at least pleased that Remus stays close to the ground in a non threatening manner. It does nothing to ease the others.

“As I asked before, how are you a man?”

Remus does not reply. Instead he watches the King, eyes glued on his face for signs of incoming violence.

“Do you have a name?”

No response.

“Can you only speak a bit of English?”

Remus’s eyes flicker behind him at the guards.

“Ah,” the King says with realisation. “They are not allowed to stop you from conversing with me. Speak.”

He continues to say nothing.

He almost wasn’t surprised when a knight stomps on his spine. Remus cries out as his burns rub against his shirt and the offending boot. A sob leaves his mouth and he fails to hold in a whimper. He lets his head stay on the ground. If they were going to kill him, let them. He was too tired to be tortured.

“How dare you,” Lord James bristles, facing his fears and walking closer to Remus. “Get back,” he snaps when they try to shield him from Remus.

“You hurt him for speaking and then hurt him for not speaking,” comes the King’s cold reply. “Do not interfere again or I will spike your skulls on the gates.”

The ice in his voice makes Remus shiver.

“Stand, Lycanthrope.”

Unsteadily, Remus does as he says. When he is on his feet, his upper body is hunched again from the burning sensation. The King’s eyes fall to his burnt and shackled wrists but says nothing.

For awhile, all three of them stare at each other. At first, Remus is met with detached looks from both the royal men. Then, they regard him with a look almost akin to pity.

Lord James side eyes King Sirius.

Remus’s head drops. He knows they are not impressed with what they see. The loathed lycanthrope. A scrawny young man. The horrors.

Another tense silence passes before Lord James can’t hold himself. “Surely you can’t kill him. Look at him. He’s….”

The King sighs. “He’s a danger, James.”

Remus already had no hope of surviving this, but this killed him further.

King Sirius takes a step closer to Remus and everyone, including Remus, freezes. This time, nobody tries to second guess the King. He takes another and another step until he is right up against Remus.

Remus looks anywhere but at him, feeling caged and very small in his commanding presence.

“This thing…” he begins, “like a puppy. Mutt. This is a werewolf?”

Remus’s stomach churns with anxiety. What would he do to him?

“My King,” a guard warns in a strained tone.

“You’ve frightened it,” is all King Sirius says.

Taking a risk Remus finds stupid, he tilts Remus’s head up with a strong hand. Remus’s eyes widen and his body aches from how still he tries to hold himself without shaking. Touching a werewolf was inexplicable. Nobody would go anywhere near a werewolf, let alone talk to or lay a hand on one without the intention to kill.

His brows raise at Remus, studying him. “Submissive.”

Remus is shocked at the word that leaves the King's mouth but knows it’s because he is viewed as nothing more than a wild dog. A skinny and petrified one at that.

Lord James moves slowly to stand next to the king, a frown upon his face again. “Sirius,” he begins, “this is unsafe.”

The King doesn’t remove his eyes from Remus, insisting on trapping him in his gaze. “You wanted me to show mercy,” he states.

“That was before—“ Lord James huffs, running a hand through his hair. “You’re too close. He may bite.”

Horrifyingly, this makes the King tilt his head with curiosity. “Is it true that you can only spread your curse on the full moon?”

When nobody answers, Remus gives a small nod of his head.

“You can turn into a man?”

Remus bites off his angry words. King Sirius’s eyes gleam. “Go on, permission to bite— verbally, that is.”

Remus doesn’t go for the bait. His shoulders fall a bit and the other clicks their tongue. He had no reason to be displeased by Remus’s lack of anger.

“Refusing to answer will get anybody in trouble, regardless of who they are. Can you turn into a man?” he asks again.

“I am a man,” Remus whispers.

He hears no reply.

King Sirius is amused, curious, and disbelieving all at once. He grabs Remus’s chin to tilt his face left and right, looking for signs of animalistic features. His gaze snags on a few wounds Remus knows are there and Remus swallows thickly. Nervousness thrums through his system, making his heart race. The King’s gaze falls to his wrists again but doesn’t make the command to release him.

“I think you will teach me a lot of things, Lycanthrope,” he says softly.

Dread pools in Remus’s gut.

He’d be kept for study then. There was no gaurantee that torture would not be involved, especially because the King would not be prepared for how stubborn and unwilling Remus was going to be.

#a gift from me to you #my fics #wolfstar #sirius x remus #remus lupin #sirius black #sirius/remus #wolfstar fanfic #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar fic #wolfstar oneshot #oneshot #wolfstar royalty au #wolfstar royalty #king!sirius black #prisoner!remus lupin #werewolf remus lupin

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withacapitalp · 1 year

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Happy birthday Cass!!! I don't know if you remember this, but this was the first thing I wrote that started our friendship so I wrote a little add on as a birthday present and I hope you like it <3 @henderdads

Eddie noticed everything.

Eddie noticed the exact shade of brown that Steve’s eyes turned when the sunlight hits his face. He noticed that Steve cut Dustin’s sandwiches into triangles, El’s into rectangles, and always took the crusts off of Mike’s. He noticed that Steve stuck money in Wayne’s wallet when he knew that Wayne is dead asleep in his easy chair. Never enough for Wayne to catch on, just enough that Wayne could always afford a new pack of smokes if he wanted.

So of course Eddie noticed Steve's…thing about numbers.

The first time was with the shoes. Steve always seemed like a bit of a neat freak, but he had this especially weird thing about always making sure everyone’s shoes were lined up in perfect order.

The next thing was the steps while they were walking. It was like his boyfriend would purposefully miss the doorway, walk a few steps farther just so he could turn around and walk in on the right number.

But the rings….it’s the thing with the rings that makes Eddie confront him.

When he came home that night and found Steve shaking in a ball on the floor, Eddie had just held him, and then he had done his best to try and let them move past it. Steve would pick his rings in the morning, and Eddie would be content to just let Steve have his quirks. That would work.

But the curiosity continued to grow as the coincidences continued to mount and before too long Eddie couldn’t ignore it any more.

“So what’s special about seven?” Eddie asked as Steve slid the last ring off for the day. It was a thick black one with angel wings on one side and demon wings on the other. It was Steve’s favorite.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Steve said with far too much casualness, keeping his eyes firmly on their joined fingers.

“Baby,” Eddie said softly, leaning in close and touching their foreheads, “You don’t have to tell me, but please don’t lie,”

“Nothing,” Steve finally whispered, pulling back, “There’s nothing.

God, Eddie loved Steve with all his heart, but sometimes it really was just like pulling teeth.

“Stevie-”

“I’m not lying,” Steve said, quickly cutting Eddie off. He was starting to tap again, drumming the fingers of his free hand against his thigh in that oh so familiar pattern, “There’s nothing special about the number seven. Nothing important,”

“But?” Eddie prompted when Steve trailed off. His boyfriend oepneed and closed his mouth a few time

“But I can’t stop counting to it,” Steve blurted out in a rush, turning away from Eddie and burying his face in his hands

“To seven,” Eddie clarified, still unable to understand.

“Seven kids, Seven adults, my birthday is July 7th.” Steve said, muffled but clearly filled with shame, “I can't stop looking for sevens, because if I stop, then someone will get hurt, and it'll be my fault,”

Eddie's breath left his lungs, making the room feel too small. He knew Steve had a thing about sevens but this…this was beyond anything he could have thought of.

He must have been doing a pretty terrible job of hiding the horror on his face, because the second Steve looked up he huffed out a bitter little laugh and wrapped his arms tight around his middle.

“I know that makes me crazy, okay? I know that. I know that I'm crazy, I know that it means nothing. I know, I know, I know,” Steve said, growing more and more frantic with every word. Eddie crawled to the edge of the bed next to him, putting an arm around Steve's shoulder and holding him tight.

“But I can't stop, Eddie. I can't stop, I can't stop,” Steve admitted in a broken whisper, falling into his arms and breaking down in a very uncharacteristic, very terrifying way.

“I can't stop because if I do you'll get jumped at the school, and Robin will get in a car accident, and the gate is gonna reopen, and the kids are gonna die and, and- I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't stop.”

Steve continued to mutter into Eddie's shoulder as he fell apart. Over and over, until he cried himself to sleep.

He couldn't stop. Which meant Steve had tried to.

Which meant Steve wanted to.

The word finally hit him as Eddie tucked the blanket around Steve and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's forehead, lying down next to him and holding him close. It really was the perfect word for the situation, but the word that created a host of other complications. Still Eddie couldn't make it leave his head as he laid awake the entire night.

Not a habit. Not an addiction.

It was a compulsion.

#steve harrington #stranger things #st #eddie munson #steddie #st drabble #st4 #happy birthday Lex 2 #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #steve Harrington has ocd

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iambilliejeanok · 3 months

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HII love ur writing, been feeling super sick recently so they’ve brought me a great amount of joy and comfort haha. If it’s ok may I ask for Itachi taking care of a sick reader after overexerting themselves during a mission?

Sorry for any mistakes, english isn’t my first language ^^”

Hey honey! I’m sorry to hear that you haven’t been doing well, I’m also sorry for the late response I meant to post this a week ago but I got logged out my account🥹 hope you’re feeling better sweetheart🩷

(It’s still Itachi week)

No Warnings: Fluff, nudity.

Itachi cannot take his eyes off of you. This was only your very first mission as a new jonin ninja and your boyfriend was exceptionally proud. Without the hokage, or the anbu corps knowledge, he was with you through every step of the mission, ensuring your safety from a distance, also easily managing to keep himself hidden the entire time. Your mission lasted nearly a weak, and unfortunately, you had to fight someone or something every single day of it. You were alone for this one, so the unavoidable fights you ended up in were usually three on one battles and each one left you even more bruised and injured than the previous one. Itachi kept himself disguised quite well. Well enough that you couldn’t even detect his chakra or his scent from the first to the last day of your mission. You certainly didn’t look forward to fights, which was one thing about being a ninja you often complained to your boyfriend about, so he was particularly impressed with how you held your own each day. Some days got too intense, and he had to try his best to refrain from attending to you. You would never grow as a shinobi if someone always came in to save you. It was tough for him, but it was for the best. Every ninja was bound to end up in a situation like yours and quite often at that, so it was important for him to avoid getting involved and promised himself he’d only intervene if you were on the brink of death, however, because of your physical prowess, your intelligence as well as your determination, you managed to successfully complete one of the most challenging missions of your life as a ninja, despite the injuries and wounds you were able to wrap up yourself whenever you had a moment of peace.

You were in pain, hungry, exhausted and felt slightly dizzy when you had reached the outskirts of Konoha. You could tell by the farms that stretched across the fields ahead of you that you were close to home. A couple more hours of traveling and you’d finally see the gates of Konoha, deciding to take a break near the river that ran through your home village, all the way through the forest and even reaching the farms to provide water for the farmers and their crops. There was a secret spot nearby with a mini waterfall, hidden by thick foliage and rocks. This place was a secret that Itachi had once shown you a while back, and you took advantage of it whenever you were alone. It was midsummer now and the water in the river was slightly warm, but still pleasantly cool against your skin as you washed your body near the waterfall, closing your eyes and taking in a deep breath as you listened to the serene sound of birds chirping and water running.

Itachi intended to finally join you as soon as you entered the forest, but he was confused to see you take an immediate left, instead of following the foot trail in between the trees. He quickly figured it was to head to the secret waterfall the two of you liked to visit often, and decided to surprise you there. Although you were always happy to see him, he wasn’t sure how you would feel about his sudden presence, or further more about the fact that he had been monitoring you the entire mission, after all, he didn’t want you to think he was babying you. He wasn’t supposed to be there with you. What he did was incredibly risky because he could’ve been summoned any one of those days that he was away with you for, but whatever the consequences of being missing for a week were , would’ve been totally worth ensuring you were still alive. This was a big mission for you and he wouldn’t miss it for the world. He wanted this experience to make you stronger and not kill you. So he was okay with the thought of you being upset with him if you did figure out that he was watching you the whole time.

He didn’t intend to startle you as he slowly walked out from the bushes just a couple of feet away from the river bank, noticing the way you struggled to lift up your arms as you washed underneath them, hoping he could help you in the water. He needed a rinse himself anyhow. “What are you doing here!?”, you asked, your heart racing with excitement and relief as he approached, the water rising up his pale, nude body as he walked deeper into it, his hair loose as it draped his shoulders and back. As scrumptious as he looked, you were far too exhausted to think about entertaining any arousal you felt, and did your best to play things out cool, trying to hide your pain from him. You didn’t want him to grow anxious about you whenever you were away on missions. You longed for his respect and worked hard to prove it to him, deeply admiring him as a ninja. “I hope I’m not intruding…I will leave if you’re not comf-” he began to say, interrupted by your sudden reassurance. “No it’s okay, stay…”, you said, allowing him to grab the tiny rag you made out of your shirt to help you wash better. He knew about your hardships, and the fact that you were in pain tugged at his heart as he gently cleaned your face, carefully scrubbing it with the wet rag before wringing it out to wipe your face clean. He placed a kiss on your forehead, and then both you cheeks, and you weakly smiled, closing your eyes as you enjoyed the warmth of his touch on your skin while he continued to wash the rest of your body.

“How was your first day out there as a jonin?”, he asked, placing a hand on your back to pull you closer, allowing you to rest your head on his shoulder. You unconsciously leaned the rest of your weight against him, snuggling his neck and hugging him as he began scrubbing your back. He smiled wearily, kissing your temple and could sense how low your chakra was, wrapping his arm around you for support. You were far too exhausted and he frowned at that, wondering just how you would’ve made it home if he wasn’t there to watch you. “Mmmm”, you hummed, his skin warm against your cheek. He smelled earthy and you got a feint whiff of pecan nuts too. He smelled divine to you and you pressed a kiss to his neck before speaking. “It was tough”, you said softly, fatigue increasing with every word that came out of your mouth. “There were a lot of challenges and I couldn’t sleep sometimes…”, you continued, pausing for a moment as he could feel you tense for a second. You thought about your next words, refraining from giving him too much information. You didn’t want him worrying right now. You were happy he was here and you wanted him to be happy with you. “…but it was good overall. I managed to save little Inoue and delivered him safely to his family”, you lied. There was nothing safe about your mission. Maybe for the child, but not for you. You lifted your head up to smile at Itachi and you caught him frowning, but he quickly smiled at you when he saw you looking, turning you around so he could wash your front. “I knew you’d manage sweetgirl”, he said, planting a kiss right on your lips. “You’re hurt”, he said, carefully washing around the large bruise that covered the side of your tummy which was already a dark purple with a green ring surrounding it, his hair tickling your cheek as a warm breeze went by. “It’s nothing”, you swallowed, remembering how you were restrained and kicked several times in the gut. “Did you get into any fights?”, he asked and you frowned. “Yes but it was nothing I couldn’t handle”, you lied again. The criminals who ganged up on you were highly skilled and gave you the beating of your life. It did take a lot of chakra to take on all of them, ontop of the tireless traveling you did to avoid any more troublesome interactions. You managed to heal up your face and some of the cuts that littered your body, but couldn’t work on the major bruises on your body, your chakra reserves far too low to use any more without endangering your life. You would visit the hospital as soon as you got home, you told yourself.

“I’m sure you handled it well my love, I have a surprise waiting for you back at home”, Itachi said, sensing that you didn’t want to talk about it, changing the topic to something more light hearted. After he finished washing you up, he did his best to dry your body with the same rag, laying down his shirt on a nearby boulder for you to sit on while he carefully dressed you. You felt ten times worse than you did before he had arrived, your entire abdomen drumming with pain and your vision blurring as you fought to keep yourself together. You allowed him to help you, weakly clutching onto him for support. He could feel the fatigue radiating off of you and could tell you were forcing yourself to keep a straight face. He cupped your cheeks in his hands, lifting up your head to look at him. His big eyes glistening as he held yours with genuine concern in them. “You’re so strong baby. I’m really proud of you”, he said, and you knew he could sense how much pain you were in, tears welling in your eyes, Itachi softly smiling as they fell down your cheeks. You were so tired, parting your lips to take a deep breath as you contemplated telling him the truth. “It’s alright my love, I’ll take care of you okay?”, he said, swiftly lifting you off the rock and holding you close against him. You didn’t even have the the strength to wrap your legs around him, but he held you firmly with his hands under both your thighs as he carefully moved you over to his back. “Oh baby, your chakra levels are so low. I’m gonna get you home so you can rest and I’ll cook you your favourite. I promise you’ll feel stronger before the sun sets”. You shut your eyes tight, crying into his shoulder as he began running through the forest. Teleporting you back would only worsen your condition, so he chose this way. A journey that would’ve taken you m another day in your condition, only took him two hours and the two of you were home.

“Cmon, let’s get you to bed”, he said, gently maneuvering your limp body from his back to his front. Your condition was rapidly worsening and Itachi was starting to worry, concerned that you were still awake after resting on his back for two hours. You were highly fatigued, but you didn’t fall asleep and your body felt cold against his. He soothingly rubbed your back as he walked towards the bedroom, whispering reassuring words in your ear with every step. He carefully placed you down on the cool summer linen, slowly ridding you of all your clothes teleporting to the wardrobe to pull out a thick blanket, a fresh pair of underwear and a long sleeved undershirt quickly returning to slip them onto your now shivering body, before covering you with the thick blanket. He wasted no time in preparing you some herbal tea, mixing in enough medicine to knock you out and allow you to rest for as long as your body needed it. He teleported as he moved, not wanting to waste even a second, slightly lifting you up to help your drink the tea. With lots of encouragement, he managed to get you to down it all, immediately ridding himself of all his clothes, leaving just his underwear on to snuggle under the blanket with you. “I missed you so much”, he heard you softly whisper, pressing his body as close to yours as possible without hurting you, his warmth enveloping you far better than the blanket. “I’m right here baby, get some rest and we’ll spend some time together as soon as you wake up okay?”, he said, and you felt your eyes grow heavy as you basked in his warmth, his steady heart beat a comforting melody, putting you to sleep in a matter of seconds.

#naruto imagines #itachi fluff #itachi x you #itachi scenarios #itachi x reader #uchiha itachi x reader #uchiha imagines #itachi uchiha #uchiha fluff

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dramavixen · 2 months

Text

Love and Redemption: A Fantasy Epic About How Prejudice Destroys Worlds, and How Love Pieces Them Back Together

**major spoilers for: Love and Redemption

After wrapping up a watch-through of Mysterious Lotus Casebook, my mom had the brilliant idea that we should rewatch the work that launched Cheng Yi to fame (or at the very least solidified him as the man to hire if you need someone to spit blood): Love and Redemption.

I’m certain she only found this idea appealing because she doesn’t remember a TV show after it’s over. Credits rolling? Aight, time for the woman to clear up space on her brain’s memory drive. Meanwhile, my life flashed before my eyes as I recalled the anguish that’s synonymous with the show’s plot. But you know how things go when your mom wants something. If she says you're sitting through 44 hours of emotional torture with her, then you plant yourself on that couch until it’s over.

Ironically, Love and Redemption fares even better on rewatch. Though other xianxias have come close to its place in my heart, I’m now concerned that my palette won’t be so easily satiated again. It’s got your conventional reincarnation, warring realms, and a star-crossed romance while throwing curveball after curveball to shatter your expectations. Complex characters, too? An endgame villain who will haunt you in your sleep? You can’t ask for more.

Just because you didn’t ask, doesn’t mean that the show won’t deliver something extra. I like to think that nothing reflects a society’s unsightly reality like a well-done fantasy, and this one hits closer to home the more time that passes. A thinly veiled commentary on human flaws and how difficult it is to be a good person, Love and Redemption is a drama for the ages.

This is going to get lengthy, so to prepare you, here’s how I’m divvying up this piece:

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

Part III: All of Them Are Racist

Part IV: Love Wins All

---

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

It’s not my intention to disgust anyone right out of the gate, but we need to talk about Wu Tong. Do you hear what I hear? Yes, it’s the distant echo of Wu Tong’s nefarious laughter, resounding between the walls of my skull.

Quite simply, Wu Tong is the worst. (Or at least he would be, if it weren’t for that other fellow named Bai Lin. That dude will get a glaring spotlight later in this essay, trust me.) But it’s not for no reason.

Coming from a background of poverty, Wu Tong spends most of his young life trying to prove himself to upper class cultivators who don’t have any interest in who he is, only in what he has to offer them. He earns his place in his sect through relentless hard work. He utilizes unsportsmanlike methods in his attempts to win the battle tournament in opening episodes. It's not just a competition to him—he's directly told that if he gets anything other than first place, he can forget about keeping his place in his sect.

When he and the protagonists first meet, his prideful personality results from his inferiority complex. There’s no doubt that he’s a powerful cultivator, but the issue is how he finds that to be his only real value. He doesn't bother to be likable, because what's the point in doing that? Being likable doesn't fill an empty stomach. But the more he disrespects others in an effort to make himself appear important, the more others look down on him, and the more he overcompensates by fighting back even more. It’s a vicious cycle—one that never ends because no one involved wants to take the first step back.

Knowing what type of person he becomes, it’s hard to pity him in any capacity. However, it would still be unfair to ignore how others mistreat him before he even turns into a true enemy.

One scene that sticks out to me happens early on, where Wu Tong nearly injures Xuanji during a 1v1 battle against Minyan. The protagonist crew insists on getting payback. Okay, I’m with it. You can’t let such reckless violence slide. I guess they’ll get their revenge in a later stage of the tournament by beating him into the ground?

Nah. That would be too reasonable. What they actually opt for is tricking him to fall into a trap by putting up a “have you seen my lost snake?” poster with a financial reward, knowing that he’ll be fooled because…he’s poor.

Sifeng: I asked around. Wu Tong was born to a family of lower status. He lives frugally. The reason he trains so hard is because he hopes to become someone powerful one day. […] Now he needs the money urgently to buy medicine and recuperate his inner strength before his next battle. Minyan: When you put it that way, doesn’t that mean he has no choice but to come for the ten night pearls?

Sifeng…oh no. Not you too.

The way Wu Tong behaves doesn’t warrant anyone being amicable toward him. I, too, have a nonexistent tolerance for obnoxious, violent egoists. But if later episodes are any evidence, this scene foreshadows that two wrongs won’t make a right. If they want to teach him a lesson, they shouldn’t stoop so low as to take advantage of his poverty. His family background is the one thing about him that isn’t his fault, yet it’s the one thing they choose to use against him. That’s what I call “going too far.”

Now that he's been hit where it hurts, Wu Tong feels justified in going too far himself. In a fit of desperation and contempt prompted by his master abandoning him, he stabs Xuanji. Not great. Things get extremely not great when you remember that Xuanji is the daughter of a sect leader. That quickly transforms Wu Tong’s attempted murder/almost manslaughter into the evilest act known to mankind. All five sects turn against him to hunt him down and kill him. I’m no law or philosophy expert, but I’m pretty sure the punishment for almost manslaughter is not the death penalty.

The five sects can treat him as their prey because he doesn’t have a support system to counter them. If he were the son of another sect leader, the thought of killing him would never even have entered their minds. Targeting him so relentlessly has less to do with justice and more to do with exerting power over a lower-class young man who hurt someone infinitely more “important” than him.

That imbalance between crime and punishment is what pushes Wu Tong over the edge. He goes on the run for several years before officially succumbing to the call of evil, after which he becomes truly irredeemable. Still, you’re occasionally reminded of his struggle—is he destined to be a villain? Or is throwing aside his remaining morality just his best chance at survival?

Do you have any idea how I survived these past several years, when you were all trying to kill me? What did I do back then that was so unforgivable? Did your sister die? Was it warranted for all five sects to team up against me, an average disciple? Was it warranted to back me into a corner over and over again, to force me to claw out of hell? Open your eyes and look at me! These past four years, I’ve already died countless times. Every time, I clawed my way back out of hell. Five hundred taels? You want to take my life with a measly five hundred taels? Don’t look down on me. Touch here. I have a fake leg. That’s what your five sects have left me with. What’s that look of yours? Guilt? Pity? I’m not telling you this for you to pity me. I, Wu Tong, survived this far because I must have my revenge.

Something my mom likes to say is if you find yourself going against someone—but especially a dangerous person—you must leave a path for their survival. It’s less for their sake than it is for yours. Should you eliminate all their options, they’ll have no choice but to bite. And they’ll make sure it hurts like hell.

As an impetuous teenager, Wu Tong is in the wrong. He needs to be taught that his actions are unacceptable. But that can’t be accomplished by putting a bounty on his head and demanding that he be murdered. That’s how you turn a scoundrel into a monster.

Minyan, Wu Tong’s foil, similarly doesn’t come from an optimal background. An orphan, he was taken in by the Shaoyang Sect without the obvious pressure that Wu Tong suffers. Even so, he can’t escape the innate inequality that seems to exist between him and his fellow disciples. It especially affects him because he’s in love with Linglong, Xuanji’s sister but more importantly…also the daughter of the sect leader! Poor guy.

When I was little, kids in the village would surround me every day and call me a bastard child with no parents. I could only pretend that I didn’t hear them. Because if I took it to heart, they would only ridicule me more. We can’t shut the mouths of people who want to slander us. But we can choose not to listen.

He may think that he’s past it, but later episodes see Minyan being manipulated using that exact insecurity. It’s easy to impersonate his master and nudge him to become a “spy” in the enemy base because he’s compelled to prove himself worthy of the sect and worthy of Linglong. Fake Sect Leader Chu Lei tells him:

When I first met you, you were only eight years old. You were homeless on the streets, starving and shivering. Still, you clung to your family dagger and refused to pawn it. In that moment, I knew that you were a child with an iron will. That’s why I’m here to find you today.

I can agree that Minyan is really stupid to immediately believe that his master, a guy well-known for pretending to do important things more than he actually does them, would tell him to do something as reckless as invade enemy territory. However, he also heeds the impostor’s instructions because realistically, his master asking him to prove himself is something that could happen. Any good disciple would naturally want to repay their masters for their favor, let alone a disciple who would otherwise have nowhere else to go.

The contrast between Minyan and Wu Tong shoves itself in your face as you watch, primarily through their respective relationships with Linglong (well, one of them has a relationship. The other is a creep. Can you guess who’s who?). Without family backing, the two men both struggle to find their place in the world, but they’re complete opposites purely because of their upbringing. Thankfully for Minyan, he found a family amongst people who don’t treat him as “another,” even if he may think of himself as such.

Wu Tong isn’t so fortunate. You can say it’s his own doing, a result of his terrible personality, but he certainly wasn’t born like that. And now someone will pay for it.

---

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

As a caveat, I’ll mention that the main cast really could have used a woman who isn’t some combination of foolish, lovestruck, and/or loud. But I’m willing to overlook it just this once because the writers excel in highlighting both the ladies' flaws and how we as an audience exaggerate those flaws through our own preconceptions.

Working backwards in terms of plot importance, we can start with Xiao Yinhua. Sifeng’s snake familiar in a human form, Xiao Yinhua is like most female leads from the turn of the millennium in that her only real strength is throwing temper tantrums. She’s also like most second female leads from the turn of the millennium in that she constantly prefers using underhanded tactics and harming others to achieve her goals—in other words, a snake. Oh. I guess that makes sense.

Her affections toward Sifeng cloud her already nonexistent judgment and prompt her to make some of the worst decisions made by anyone, ever. At first, I thought I was being unfair toward her because of my own internalized misogyny. But no. I can say with absolute confidence that I would abhor this character no matter what gender or creature or object she may be. She has no redeeming qualities aside from teaching us that someone foolish, lovestruck, and loud is doomed to self-sabotage. From that perspective, she’s still a valuable character to have because now we know that before we act, we should think: would Xiao Yinhua do that thing? If she would, do not do that thing.

If Xiao Yinhua were willing to grow up, she could become more similar to Zi Hu. Zi Hu almost acts as a parallel to Sifeng—hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t return the affection for a literal thousand years. Also, both are very pretty. Ahem.

Zi Hu’s thousand years’ worth of experience gives her the skills to back up her unrelenting feelings for Wu Zhiqi. She’s a rarity in that her driving force is a man—a motivation that's typically a reputation ruiner for female characters—but you find her lovable instead of thinking that she lacks self-respect. The key is that her love isn’t blind and rash like Xiao Yinhua’s. Zi Hu has a plan to save Wu Zhiqi from his prison and she carries it out with intention. In other words, it’s okay to focus on love, but only if you can take responsibility for your feelings.

Ting Nu: Why go so far? When did Wu Zhiqi ever tell you that he loved you? Your affections are merely one-sided. Zi Hu: When did he tell me he didn’t love me? Look, once I rescue him, he’ll have to be with me to thank me.

Because Zi Hu is a literal fox, people suspect her both for being a demon and for being the demon notorious for seducing men to consume their souls. The latter is quickly debunked and becomes less of an issue than her just being a plain demon. I nonetheless find it hilarious how everyone balks when she shows them her harem of men gleefully living in her backyard. Yep, she’s a cunning vixen. You can just keep wishing you could join that harem.

Zi Hu: You're trying to shoo me away. You think I’ll storm out because of your petty tricks? You’re underestimating me. I’ve already decided, starting today, I’m going to follow you everywhere. Even if you don’t want me to, I’m going to cling to you. This old spirit isn’t going to let those thousand years of waiting be in vain. Wherever you go, I’m going with. If you dare sneak peeks at other pretty women, I’ll dig out your monkey eyes. All in all, if I’m around, no pretty woman can enter your vision. As if you could bear to leave me behind if I hang around for another thousand years!

Xiao Yinhua and Zi Hu aren’t overly victimized based on their gender within the show itself. For the better too, because whoever dares to do so would probably end up dead by a fox's claws and a snake's teeth. These two characters' existences test your innate view of female characters instead. What is it that matters to you in a female character? What standards do you hold against them?

(**Content warning for the below segment until the next purple break: brief mentions of sexual assault and suicide.)

And that's where we come to Linglong. Linglong is a loudmouthed spoiled brat. She's overbearing, and while she wants to protect Xuanji, her method of doing it is by crying crocodile tears and throwing temper tantrums in front of their father. No wonder she and Xiao Yinhua clash—two childish people who both have a compulsion to win arguments? Forget it.

A bulk of the drama sees Linglong’s primordial spirit being taken and held captive by Wu Tong. Wu Tong puts half of her primordial spirit into the body of a flower demon, whom he also forces to take on Linglong’s physical appearance. No other reason, he just wants to have his way with someone who looks and acts like Linglong, the person who jeered at him all those years ago. By the time the real Linglong recovers her primordial spirit, Wu Tong has done enough damage that she’s haunted by nightmares and memories of someone who assaulted her when she couldn't even fight back.

The lead-up to this arc is incredibly disturbing and takes root in the very first episode. On my first watch-through, I thought their relationship would take a classic enemies-to-lovers path. The directors and writers pull you in this direction with no subtlety, showing a smitten Wu Tong when he first lays eyes on Linglong. They then keep the scam going by having him act out in awful ways as he attempts to gain her attention. That’s right, it’s the brainwashing girls receive when they’re on the playground: “he pulls your hair because he likes you."

During their first meeting, Linglong is surrounded by a halo filter from Wu Tong’s perspective. Knowing what he’ll later do to her makes the seeming innocuousness of this scene revolting, but it's necessary. It's the first of many steps to prove that someone’s “affections” can’t be used as an excuse for harming whomever’s on the receiving end of them.

Linglong can be an extremely annoying person. Her outspokenness and difficult temper shape her into an unlikable character, which then ensures that by the time Wu Tong captures her, the audience almost instinctively wants to say that it’s her fault. We all know the talk track: “he liked her, so why couldn’t she just have been nicer to him? She asked for it by being mean to him.”

When Linglong first offends Wu Tong, it isn’t for no reason: she’s angry because he endangers her sister’s life over and over again. Admittedly, she goes overboard in her retaliation against him. So what? Linglong being mean to Wu Tong and Wu Tong later targeting her are indeed connected events, but the former doesn't justify the latter. If we say that the five sects hunting Wu Tong down isn’t a fair punishment, then isn’t it also unfair for him to turn the tables on her in such a way?

Essentially, Linglong isn’t the “ideal” victim. That’s what makes her arc all the more heartbreaking. To this day, society wants to find any excuses for the assailant. Any mistake, any flaw of the victim's will be used against her. As humans, maybe it’s instinct for us to hope that bad things only happen to bad people, and victim-blaming is our twisted way of making that an impossible reality.

Overcome with depression and trauma, Linglong is unable to come to terms with what Wu Tong did to her. Men gossip about her and her “relationship” with the enemy, sometimes harassing her straight to her face. Wu Tong himself finds great delight in taunting her about her “sharing his bed,” not only relishing the memories but also enjoying how much it torments her.

Linglong: It was my fault that I was captured by Wu Tong, wasn’t it? [...] Everyone thinks so. I didn’t want to be captured by Wu Tong. But after Wu Tong said all those things, everyone thinks so. Minyan: Linglong, why care about what everyone else thinks? Just pretend that you didn’t hear any of it. Linglong: But I did hear them. Why do I need to pretend I didn’t? It’s something that actually happened, so why do I need to play dumb and trick myself into thinking it didn’t? Are you going to be like them too, and mock me?

All the accusations brainwash her into thinking everything is her fault. To Wu Tong and all the people judging her, she’s nothing but a pawn to be used for their own entertainment. And once she and Minyan leave the protection of the sect, everyone finds her an easy target to push around. Hoping that her death will mean freedom for both herself and her loved ones, she attempts to drown herself before being yanked back to life and reality by Minyan.

Linglong’s struggle is many women’s worst nightmare. It’s also a diligent representation of PTSD, something that I normally wouldn’t expect from a xianxia drama. Even after she's rescued and everyone tells her that her suffering is over, it never feels over for her. At night, Lingling is awoken by harrowing dreams of Wu Tong returning to kidnap her once again:

Nightmare!Wu Tong: You’ll always belong to me. You can’t escape.

The conclusion to her arc being Wu Tong’s death and his literal letting go of her may be quite idealistic. But I prefer to think that giving Linglong her happy ending is the writers’ way of trying to assuage our fears, of showing us that there will always be another sunrise regardless of what happens.

(**Content warning end.)

Linglong becomes the drama’s strongest woman-centric plot, and I really love that the writers did it with a character whose personality isn't the most appealing. She's the imperfect woman we can find in every corner of the world, a representation of women overall instead of the minority who are considered "deserving" of justice.

Next to her, Xuanji also gets a short end of the stick. She's constantly being pushed to marry Hao Chen. Every excuse in the book is used against her: they're a fated couple, he's the only one that can take care of her, doesn't she agree that this is a part of her duty? No matter how logically she objects to it, no one really cares what she thinks. If she objects, she’s being headstrong, and that’s the end of it. (More on Xuanji to come in Part IV of this essay.)

And aside from Bai Lin’s more obvious transgressions (we're getting to those), what really irked me is just how twisted he makes the God of War’s rebellion appear in others’ eyes. The logic turns quickly from “Bai Lin must have done something wrong” into “the God of War must have been in love with Bai Lin and grew resentful that he rejected her.” I guess it’s very believable that the God of War would want to destroy the entire universe because some guy wouldn’t date her? That’s right, you can be the most accomplished woman in your field and someone will still want to attribute everything you do to being motivated by romance.

Naturally, the next question is—why is Bai Lin such a weirdo? Why does he insist on turning his friend Luohou Jidu, a man, into a woman when creating the God of War? Hmm. I smell a waft of homophobia...

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Part III: All of Them Are Racist

And except for a small minority, I really mean "all of them" this time. Humans and celestial beings are racist toward demons. Demons are racist back toward humans and celestial beings. If you asked both sides who started it, they'd point at the other without hesitation. "They started it. By existing."

I don’t even know where to start with this topic. Part of me believes this entire section of analysis could be extraneous—do I really need to do a deep dive when you could just click a random timestamp of a random episode and have a 50% chance of finding a character saying something incredibly racist? No case studies necessary. The drama is the case study.

Obviously, while I may say that all the different races are racist toward one another, some are notably more egregious in their discrimination than others. The five sects, being in power, are the worst offenders. Every other second, someone is reminding another that they need to wipe out demons. Just the utterance of the word “demon” makes them froth at the mouth. In their possession, they have treasure troves of weapons and magical devices whose collective main purpose is to identify and kill demons. Perhaps you know someone in real life who thinks that hating something is a personality trait—that’s the five sects in a nutshell.

Zi Hu and Ting Nu are continuously snubbed for not being human even after they’ve long proven that they’re more help than harm. Ting Nu is a doctor, but even saving Hao Chen doesn’t make them think of him as anything but a demon who is evil in his very bones. Demons can do everything right, but the high and mighty humans are too pure and innocent to associate with them…aside from killing and torturing them, of course.

Highlighted Exhibit A: Sifeng almost being tortured and whipped to death based on the mere suspicion that he’s a demon. The fact that he is one doesn’t matter. His assailants operate on the doctrine that they’d rather kill an innocent person than let a demon roam free. Every action to rid the world of a demon is a virtuous one. It's a reenactment of the Monty Python witch trial but they're being completely serious.

Highlighted Exhibit B: the other sects band together to wipe out Lize Palace without solid confirmation as to whether they’re all demons. They’re operating on the same principle as in Exhibit A, so at least you can praise them for being consistent.

Highlighted Exhibit C: before Sifeng is revealed to be a pretty bird, Xuanji’s repeated defense of him consists of "Sifeng isn’t a demon." The main purpose of these lines is to instill further fear into Sifeng and give him more reason to keep lying to her, all while Xuanji's trust in him deepens. But is it also some of her lingering innate judgment seeping through? A subconscious understanding that her family and sect will never accept a demon as her boyfriend? Well, joke’s on them because he’s one hot bird.

So how are you supposed to survive as a demon? Lize Palace results from the humans’ desire to eradicate an entire race of demons. Just as Wu Tong is driven only by revenge, the demons of Lize Palace just need to survive for long enough to one day remove their masks and live as themselves. Humans’ endless thirst for blood does nothing but fuel demons’ fire of rebellion and keep the wheel of tragedy turning.

As for the “bad guys” of Tianxu Hall? At least when they commit the same acts of evil as the other five sects, they’re willing to admit that being evil isn’t beyond them.

Yuan Lang is an extremely successful villain for this very reason. All of us love Yuan Lang, so much that we start grinning whenever he comes on-screen with his fan and sarcastic mouth. So much that when it's revealed he's been consuming people's souls, all my mom had to say about it was: “Oh. That's mean of him.”

He plots and he lies and he murders, but he doesn’t put up a facade of holding himself to a lofty moral standard. It’s also quite telling that while Yuan Lang machinates behind the scenes, 90% of his time is spent standing by and calling others out on their bullshit. Everyone around him creates their own downfall. He just happens to benefit from their stupidity.

Man with a fan and a plan. I like.

Even so, Yuan Lang isn’t invulnerable to emotion. One of my absolute favorite scenes is where Di Lang sacrifices himself so Yuan Lang can make a getaway. It’s the only instance of Yuan Lang being subject to the pain of caring about someone else. Those short moments contrast so starkly against the sects’ inhumanity that suddenly, a revolution doesn’t seem all that bad.

Behind the bulky mask, his despair is apparent. Man. This actor’s come a long way since his F4—I mean, H4 days. If you've never watched Let's Go Watch Meteor Shower Together, don't.

Finally, we arrive on the topic of Bai Lin. Oh, boy. I still haven’t watched Blood of Youth because seeing the actor’s face triggers my fight-or-flight response. And it’s been years.

Bai Lin, the one racist to rule them all. The guy must have a handbook on “How to Be Racist” or something—how else could the contempt that spews from his mouth, the spark of repugnance in his eyes, and the brazen obstinacy in his opinions be so immaculate?

The entire drama consists of setting the stage for the full reveal of Bai Lin turning Luohou Jidu into a weapon of war to be used against his own people. By the time all the pieces fall into place, you’ve already witnessed the tragedy created by discriminatory practices between mortals. You've seen how Sifeng is targeted and Xuanji forced to move her hand against him. You've seen how the sects use their power to harm instead of help. You've seen how demons plot their revenge for centuries. Once Bai Lin is confirmed to be the genesis of all that, there’s nothing left for you to feel but utter revulsion.

Bai Lin: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist. How could my Heavenly Realm possibly hold a marriage with the Devil Tribe? Luohou Jidu: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist...Then why do you drink with me today? Why are you friends with me? Bai Lin: Naturally, Brother Jidu, you’re different from other demons and devils. Out of all the demons and devils in this world, Brother Jidu is my only friend.

Can’t believe he even pulls the "you’re one of the good ones" card.

Bai Lin, practitioner of unethical tactics: his ultimate decision to trick and use Luohou Jidu results from racism-induced paranoia. He simply can’t believe that his friend will remain his friend, not unless he becomes "one of us." He thinks the God of War should appreciate that he's given her power and invested his time and energy in her tenth reincarnation, going so far as fool her into thinking that they loved each other once upon a time. Once Xuanji shows herself capable of independent thought, he doesn’t hesitate in turning against her and manipulating her to destroy her own self. He eventually sacrifices the entire world for the Heavenly Realm's survival. After all, what's the value of an entire planet's human and demon population in the face of his power?

He's the representation of what happens when those in power, those who have the best chance of righting wrongs and preventing more from happening, decide to perpetuate the problem. At the same time, he presents the predicament that those we rely on to give us justice are also victims of their own emotions and fears.

I venture to say that Bai Lin is the best-written antagonist in modern xianxia. He’s ruthless but has a moral compass, albeit one that only points in one direction—toward himself. His hubris aside, you have to admit that he genuinely believes he's acting for the greater good. The ends justify the means because he thinks he’s bettering the world.

Bai Lin makes awful decisions that involve genocide and cruelty because he operates on a strict utilitarian philosophy. "I do what I think will bring the best results, even if it means sacrificing something huge in the process." He’s the most dangerous character and the person we should also fear in real life because he’ll stop at nothing to create his definition of a paradise.

It would be easy to dismiss him as simply being a bad person. However, this show draws from reality in that every person exists in a gray area between good and bad. You can lean one way or the other, but you don’t fall completely into either. And that’s the foundation of the show's conflicts. Everyone's so busy trying to define what’s right and wrong that they’ve lost sight of basic compassion.

When he’s finally faced with the consequences of his actions, Bai Lin is driven to despair. He feels true remorse over what he’s done, but only because he’s fortunate enough to actually witness how the thousand-year conflict wouldn't have existed without him. We as people aren’t so lucky—those “what if”s will forever remain in the shrouded realm of impossibility.

Heavenly Emperor: You always thought that evil had sparked in the hearts of the God of War and Luohou Jidu. But the one in whom evil truly sparked was you. All things and happenings in this world are originally empty. From emptiness comes meaning. Yin and yang reverse; they support and restrain one another. The Heavenly Realm was originally empty. The Asura, too, was empty. If all is empty, then how could the Heavenly Realm be superior; and the Mortal Realm, Demon Realm, and Devil Realm be inferior? Your excessive concern for the safety of the Heavenly Realm prompted evil to take root in your heart, unable to be undone.

Seeing him in such despair almost makes me feel bad for him. Maybe I do have too much sympathy.

At this point, it's already too late to repair the damage he's caused, a realization that causes him further anguish. He rids himself of his divinity to show his remorse and accepts death. But he's already caused so much pain to everyone else. Who can put back together the world that he's destroyed?

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Part IV: Love Wins All

(We love IU for her perfect song that also gave me the best possible final section title.)

As I seek to be conscious of my own biases, I once wondered: why is it that shaking my head at a female character for being dedicated to a man comes so naturally to me, but I can’t be more gleeful to see Sifeng put his heart out on a platter for Xuanji? Perhaps I’m also sexist. Perhaps I have double standards.

Then I thought about it some more and realized everyone loves Sifeng because he’s so blatantly unrealistic that you’re immediately able to sink yourself into his fictional beauty. He transcends gender norms because there is no person of any gender who would go to the extent that he does for Xuanji, nor is there anyone who could remain as levelheaded when faced with some of the most shameless people known to mankind. Forget all the people flying on swords and uttering magic spells. The biggest absurdity in Love and Redemption is its male lead. Yes, I'm a skeptic. But we're so lucky to have him.

Sifeng grew up in a bizarrely backwards environment where—instead of girls needing to cover up to not attract men’s attention—all men need to protect themselves by wearing masks and not associating with the opposite sex. Brainwashed for years to believe that Lize Palace is the only safe space for golden fire birds like himself, he keeps cautious around people while still harboring a subconscious longing for their warmth.

In my entire life, I never knew what a "friend" is. I finally understand now, the meaning of "fervent friendship."

Sifeng is established as the loyal lover extremely quickly. He's whipped—figuratively and literally—for Xuanji, his sheltered childhood leaving him defenseless against her unintentionally flirtatious mannerisms. He teaches her about her lost senses without judgment, nurtures limitless patience with her and others by proxy, and isn't afraid to question the status quo.

We love Sifeng for his wisdom and levelheadedness. He sees things for what they are and is commonly the voice of empathy and reason within a world of selfishness. The entire show is Sifeng going, "I might as well do it myself" in every situation because no one else cares, is capable enough, or both. He's the guy in group projects who quietly does everything and doesn't even get mad that you're the most useless team member ever. What a saint.

In the xianxia universe, he's distinct husband material (which isn’t saying much since the bar there is so low that you'd need to dig yourself a grave to reach it—which is also great because then you already have a place to go once your xianxia spouse gets you killed. I digress). His loyalty to not only others, but also who he is and what he wants, leaves him able to counter the complacency with hatred and evil permeating the world around him.

With his endless empathy, he's able to understand Luohou Jidu. While Sifeng's earliest motivation in facing the greatest devil is only to save Xuanji, he later views Luohou Jidu as an individual with his own sufferings. He's the only one to truly view Luohou Jidu as himself, not someone to eliminate, not just an extension of Xuanji. To Sifeng, everyone deserves a chance to be heard before a verdict is passed over them.

Not to mention, these two’s interactions are absolutely hilarious. I wish I could've seen the extensive conversations that must’ve went on in the censorship agency over them.

Fellas, is it gay to clasp a guy’s hands within your own and stare deeply into his eyes while reminiscing about your loving relationship if he’s technically got a woman captive in his brain?

But perhaps what shines the brightest about Sifeng is how he suffers. He's so pretty when he suffers. Wait. That's not my point.

When his Lovers’ Curse triggers for the first time, Xiao Yinhua speaks the gospel that a lot of the audience probably has in mind: "you did so much for her, you were so good to her, but she doesn’t love you back." And it sounds kind of right? But also kind of not? Then Sifeng opens his mouth and you think, "oh, crap, I've been brainwashed by misogyny yet again."

She never asked me to like her. If someone wants to kill another just because she doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, then that person will never be loved. They also don’t deserve to love another.

Again and again, Sifeng puts himself in harm's way to keep loving Xuanji. Sure, he wants her to love him back, but that's secondary to his desire to be honest with his own feelings.

With the bright beacon of light that is Sifeng’s blinding love, I feel most viewers overlook Xuanji’s capabilities as a female lead. Her comparative passiveness in the relationship makes it seem as if she doesn’t love him enough. I attribute this to the same reason as our previous conclusions, that female characters in romance dramas have a harder time garnering the audience’s approval than their male counterparts. Are we innately more judgmental toward women, or is the standard for men still so low that we’re already impressed when a guy surpasses the bare minimum? Probably both.

It's easy to forget that Xuanji is the one who's nice to Sifeng first. When they first meet, Xuanji literally falls into his arms. Then he just…drops her. (And they say chivalry is dead.) But Xuanji doesn’t care.

The rules of his sect push Sifeng into being a bit of a porcupine in his demeanor. He puts up a wall against everyone, but especially Xuanji. After all, as an innocent boy, Sifeng needs to protect himself from evil women. Or something.

Xuanji is the one who can't take the hint tries to befriend him and tears down his wall with the gentle, graceful nature of a sledgehammer. She insists that she'll retrieve his lost mask because she knows it's important to him. When she discovers that Sifeng is punished over it, Xuanji is the one to point out how unfair it is. Her straightforwardness and sense of principle are the reason Sifeng begins to open up at all.

Xuanji: I’m the one who took off his mask. If you want to hit someone, hit me. [...] Not to mention, he almost died trying to get his mask back. So I'd like to ask you, Palace Leader, is Sifeng's life more important, or is that mask more important?

She knows no fear, so she doesn't consider emotionless rules to be worth anything if they cause pain for the people she cares about. In many ways, Xuanji is the one who teaches Sifeng to stand up for what he believes in.

That Xuanji lacks her six senses makes her the least susceptible to the prejudicial habits of her surroundings. She accepts what they believe, that demons are bad, but only because that's all she knows. Whereas most of her peers are content remaining in their ignorance, this supposedly heartless gal is curious about the world. She can easily abandon her preconceptions in favor of what she witnesses the world to be.

It takes constant practice and tests for Xuanji to completely shed her old beliefs. The introduction of Zi Hu marks the beginning of her growth. Xuanji, concerned and angry that Zi Hu is holding her friends captive, fully intends on killing the fox until Ting Nu reasons with her:

Ting Nu: Zi Hu isn’t a malicious demon. You shouldn’t threaten her life. Xuanji: But she kidnapped my friends. How can I spare her? [...] No. She did bad things, so I have to kill her. Ting Nu: [...] Zi Hu has never actually harmed anybody. She’s simply misguided by her anxieties. You should spare her life. […] If you discover that she’s actually committing malicious acts, you could kill her then, no?

If it were Minyan or Linglong in her position, you could bet that they'd ignore Ting Nu. For one, he's a merman, so of course he'd protect another demon. To Xuanji's credit, she really does give Zi Hu—and Ting Nu—the benefit of the doubt. Does she have to? No. But she does anyway.

If Sifeng’s love comes naturally, then Xuanji’s comes through determination. Who's to say that one is inherently better than the other? It takes ten lifetimes for her to understand a semblance of love. She wants dearly to understand what it means to "like" someone, even though she's already the least unafraid to show how much she cares about others.

After she successfully grows the heart light for Sifeng, I don't think anyone is more excited than Xuanji herself. Look how proud she is. Obviously, she's happy she can use it to protect him, but I imagine that she also views it as the clearest proof that she’s as human as anybody else and as capable of loving as anyone else. Sifeng may be stunned when the heart light disappears, but Xuanji falls despondent—she really wants Sifeng to be someone important to her.

People sometimes struggle to see past Xuanji’s initial naivety. They're especially harsh toward her for not seeing what Sifeng has sacrificed for her until it’s almost too late. It's true, the drama primarily favors Sifeng's perspective, so it's easy to only see what he’s done and ignore Xuanji’s efforts.

In spite of warnings from Sifeng himself to not do so, Xuanji emerges to save him from the third lash of the demon whip. You go, girl.

Love isn’t a competition. But for the sake of the discussion, let's say proof is needed that Xuanji’s effort in the relationship matches Sifeng’s. In that case, the important part is looking at what they sacrifice in a relative scope instead of an absolute one.

The things that Sifeng sacrifices are astronomical. He climbs a tower blustering with an eternal blizzard and puts on the Lovers' Curse mask. He stands right in the middle of the conflict between humans and demons even though there’s no way humans will spare him. He gets stabbed…a lot. But everything he does is a result of his own will and careful calculations—they’re all things he knows he can take responsibility for.

Sifeng's major flaw is that he's a massive liar. He's not right to lie, but he's also right to be scared about what would happen if he doesn't. As a demon, he knows what happens to anyone who isn't distinctly human. That's why he conceals his identity from Xuanji.

Then, once he discovers that Xuanji is also the reincarnation of the Star of Mosha, his fear is ignited again for her sake. Xuanji has almost always been defined by what she is, not who. She's berated for being useless when she doesn’t have her six senses. The moment she’s revealed to have the God of War's power, suddenly everyone finds her more than useful. If she's publicly revealed to be the Star of Mosha, then she'd be killed without question, and the person that is “Xuanji” will also cease to exist. Just as he doesn’t want Xuanji to view him and as anything other than himself, Sifeng doesn't want anyone else to view Xuanji as anyone other than herself. That's also why out of everyone, the one person he must keep the Star of Mosha secret from is Xuanji herself.

When Sifeng's lies begin to unfold, Xuanji is left to handle the mess he's inadvertently created. Suddenly discovering that he's a demon and also protective of the demon that possibly murdered her mother, Xuanji is torn. Her wavering faith in him isn't because of his identity, but because he lied to her.

Zi Hu: Do you dislike it that much, that [Sifeng] is a demon? Xuanji: Should I not? Zi Hu: Well, you healed my wounds. And you’re friends with me and Ting Nu, a merman. As for little Sifeng, he’s not a malicious demon who harms people. I don’t think he was aware of what went on with Tianxu Hall and Lize Palace. Xuanji: That’s different! He shouldn’t have lied to me. He’s the person I trust the most. But he even kept from me who he is. Then, all the things he told me and did with me in the past…what part of it all was real and what was fake? Zi Hu: What’s real and what’s fake? Can’t you just drag him over here and ask him? If he’s a scumbag, just kill him. But if there’s any misunderstandings, the two of you should clear them up. Resolve them and see what solutions there are. When two people are together, the scariest thing is misunderstanding one another for no reason. If you lose each other, that might be the end, forever. You’d regret that.

And then she eventually does try to kill him. Good going, Zi Hu.

Xuanji's main conflict in the latter half of the drama is that she wants to find a solution that satisfies everyone, an impossible dilemma. Everyone starts pressuring her to lead the charge against the demons. It's her duty as the God of War, isn't it? Oh, but if she doesn't want to, it's because she's in love with the enemy. But she can't be in love with the enemy. She's the God of War, after all.

That’s the duplicitous world that Xuanji lives in. Yet, without knowing why he's been dishonest or what else he could be lying about, she still chooses to believe in Sifeng—even if it means being treated as a traitor herself and being further guilt-tripped. She's bound to her duty, family, and the expectations that come along with that. Going against them in any capacity is a challenge to her entire livelihood and the moral standards imposed on her. If you take that into account, suddenly the things that she risks don’t pale in comparison what Sifeng does for her.

As an omniscient audience, it's easy for us to say that she doesn't do enough, that she should know better. It's an interesting thought experiment to wonder what else she could do in such a situation. Her boyfriend lies to her. She believes he has a reason, believes in him when he tells her to trust him. She defends him repeatedly to people who don't even care to listen unless it's to interrupt and call her crazy. She lies to her father that she'll devote herself to killing demons like Sifeng so they'll stop calling her crazy and threatening her. Then, when she goes to rescue Sifeng from Mingxia Cave, he's suddenly getting passive-aggressive with her: “oh, what does the mighty God of War need from a lowly demon like me that she deigns to talk to me?” Bro…if I were her, I might just ditch him in a fit of rage. That's how you want to play? Have fun turning into frozen poultry in this cave, then.

Obviously, more is going on behind the scenes that Xuanji is completely unaware of. Sifeng almost dies from her fire magic that Hao Chen stole. The broken hairpin. And okay, I'll admit that her saying that she'll kill him while he's eavesdropping outside is not a great look. But come on, Sifeng. Where have your critical thinking skills gone? If you can lie, don’t you think Xuanji can too? And after all that, she still instinctively shields him from her father’s sword.

Sifeng. In this case, I do have to criticize you in a serious manner. Do you have any idea how hard it was for Xuanji to finally try to get herself stabbed for you, only for you to go “no, me” and get stabbed again? Do you have a sword-magnet in your chest?

Then Sifeng tells her that he’s never loved her and was only using her because he’s Luohou Jidu, the world's biggest villain. And she still can't bear to hurt him. When Xuanji discovers that Hao Chen has tricked her into using a so-called “Purifying Vase” to doom Sifeng to a painful death, she's furious:

Xuanji: For my own good? You want me to practice the Method of Love, but you also want me to be heartless. I can’t be so contradictory. Hao Chen: I told you to practice the Method of Love through feelings between you and me, not for you to continuously absorb yourself in your fixation on Sifeng! Xuanji, don’t forget. Our marriage is one determined by the heavens. It’s destiny. Xuanji: The heavens determine nothing. If they do, then why did they make Sifeng and I meet in our past nine lives? What a joke of the heavens. Hao Chen: So, you’d rather resign yourself to your doomed fate with that demon than stay properly by my side? Xuanji: Fate isn’t split into a virtuous or doomed one. I hate myself for loving Sifeng before, and we won’t ever be together again. But since I already gave him my love, I won’t take it back.

But of course, Hao Chen has more tricks up his Mary Poppins sleeves. He pulls out all the stops and uses his last breath to manipulate her into stabbing Sifeng. Oh my god. Look at all these trust issues, just making themselves readily available.

Her stabbing him is, how do you say, very bad. But let’s be honest, she’s seen him survive worse. I don't have a nifty conclusion is here, but basically, she subconsciously knows he'll get over it (physically, at least).

Of course, Sifeng is heartbroken. It's intensified by the tragic fate of his father. His father’s goal was always to protect Sifeng from the dangers posed by the racist five sects, led primarily by fabricated memories that his lover Hao Feng was driven to suicide by her own family. When Yuan Lang reveals the truth, that Hao Feng's fear of demons trumped her love for her husband, it’s intense foreshadowing of Sifeng and Xuanji’s relationship. Maybe Xuanji isn't like Hao Feng and she can cross the rift between humans and demons, meeting Sifeng in the middle. But finally, she still retreats, away from him. Her betrayal, now the tenth in all their lifetimes, leads Sifeng to leave behind some of the most truthful but hurtful words for Xuanji to deal with:

I finally understand why my fate turned out as it did in all my past nine lives. From beginning to end, you have always been a heartless person.

It’s not fair to ask Sifeng to keep considering Xuanji’s feelings under the brunt of her violent wrath. But just as she has no idea what he’s been doing to protect her, he has no idea what she’s been doing to protect him. Zi Hu is right again: nothing poses a greater danger to a couple than misunderstandings. And racism.

The ultimate resolution only occurs once Xuanji recovers the memories of their past lives. Congratulations, Sifeng. After a millennium of pining, your love has finally touched the heart of your beloved. Indeed, it might take a long time getting there, but love will find a way.

I love the short scenes that show the God of War and Xi Xuan's quiet but gentle relationship. Xi Xuan is the only one who cares that the God of War wants her own identity, then gives her a moment in which she doesn't have to wear her armor, just as Sifeng does everything in his power to let Xuanji be "Xuanji." Through all their lives, Sifeng is the one who recognizes her for who she is and wants to make her happy, even if she doesn't have a heart.

Activate: Xuanji, shameless mode. After Xuanji tracks down Sifeng in his solitude, they return to their days as teenagers. Xuanji acts like a fool in front of him, demanding his attention, and Sifeng only wants to get her the hell out of his house. It's not only a reminder of the times when things were a lot simpler, but also of how far they've come.

She intends on marrying Sifeng. Even if her father doesn't approve, she no longer cares. There's not enough time left in the world to hesitate about the people you love to satiate someone who can't be satisfied. Just as Sifeng upends his whole life for her, she's willing to do the same.

And as Sifeng is dying, Xuanji makes the ultimate decision to become the Star of Mosha. This isn't a reckless move done just to save him. Rather, her faith in Sifeng has strengthened into steel after all they've been through. Even if the world ends, she knows that a little bird with unshakable resolve will come get her. For two people who have spent most of their time as a pair of parallel lines, never to coincide, this is their point of intersection—a challenge that they'll face together, even if they're apart.

Sifeng: Xuanji, stop! I'd rather die than watch you become a devil for me! Xuanji: Sifeng, I can't consider all that now. I have to save you! Whether I be the Star of Mosha or the God of War, I don't care. I just need you to be okay. Sifeng. If I become Luohou Jidu, you absolutely can't forget me. Remember to bring me back! I cry during this scene. Then I immediately start laughing at Sifeng's gobsmacked expression once Luohou Jidu shows up. It just reads "but...my girlfriend..."

And Xuanji's right. Sifeng is the solution. No one else can save Luohou Jidu, the God of War, and the world by extension. Luohou Jidu's pain results from being betrayed purely because of his identity as a devil, but Sifeng becomes the confidante that Bai Lin pretended to be. The God of War's pain comes from having no self-identity, but Xi Xuan gives her the ability to seek one and accompanies her for a thousand years to help her find it. The suffering that Bai Lin set into motion would lead to a ceaseless cycle of revenge and a destruction of the world’s good due to its sins, but Sifeng alone convinces Luohou Jidu and the God of War that there's something in life worth keeping. But you have to fight for it, and persistently, because good things only come to those who are willing to chase after them.

Xuanji to Bai Lin: I won’t mess with someone else’s life so simply due to my own matters, even if that person is someone as despicable as you. Sifeng once said that using hate to obtain vengeance is an endless cycle. In this life, I already have something that matters more to me than that. I have no space to keep my hatred.

I know it can sound cheesy to say that the best revenge is living a happy life. But Love and Redemption can convert even the most insistent of cynics—me, for example. People will practice evil whether or not there’s a reason for it and whether or not those consequences will ripple out into a tsunami that will engulf the world. Only true, honest love can hope to settle the uneasy sea. It’s why Zi Hu gives Wu Zhiqi something to live for other than war. It’s why Linglong and Minyan have a reason to persist alongside one another. It's why Luohou Jidu gives his heart and life to Sifeng. It’s why Sifeng is able to save Xuanji. It's why the three realms are blessed with the chance to keep finding a reason to persist.

Sifeng and Xuanji’s story is a journey of overcoming all odds; of learning to love someone unconditionally not because it’s easy, but because you want to; of letting that love grow into a ray of hope in the world. Yes, if we let it, love wins all.

Sifeng: Your heart has become one of flesh and blood. It couldn’t bear to destroy the three realms. Because…it’s a heart that I held and warmed in my hands, bit by bit.

#love and redemption #琉璃 #scribbles*#originally this was only going to be about the racism #then the further i got the more i thought “well you can't just talk about the racism and not everything else”#and after adding “everything else” i figured i might as well do a sifeng/xuanji relationship analysis while i was at it #so here we are #it's below 10k words though :D so still bite-sized? ...lol

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evescole · 2 years

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eyes on me, babe || s.harrington

summary: steve harrington knew you like the back of his hand - except for one thing: your biggest fear. when he's kidnapped by the russians along with you and robin, he realizes he never wants to see you that afraid ever again.

aka the season 3 russians scene because i love angst warnings: detailed descriptions of injuries, panic attacks, cursing, physical violence/torture, angst she/her pronouns used, enjoy :)

Fear was such a complex emotion that often caused a train of reaction. You could probably list on one hand the amount of times you’ve felt true, heart-wrenching fear in your life. The situation in front of you threatened to move that amount up further and the dread in your stomach was building each second.

It took one glance for Steve to recognize the expression on your face. That was all it ever took for him. One glance and he could read you like his favorite novel. You and Steve were an open book with each other and had been since 7th grade. Then, you almost lost him to his King Steve era before Nancy Wheeler snapped him out of it. Despite all the drama and the arguments, you and Steve prevailed. You knew everything about each other down to the dark details but there’s one thing you’ve never told him.

“Come on, come on. I need a good one. Give me something juicy,” 17 year old Steve Harrington laughed as he leaned against the headboard behind him. “You can’t just say you aren’t afraid of anything. I know that’s a lie.”

It was movie night, a Friday tradition for the two of you when you weren’t chasing after his intoxicated form or struggling with work. More than often he ended up staying over so he didn’t have to return to his more-than-likely empty home. The movie had ended not long ago and faded into a game of random questions that you two played often. Most answers you already knew but you loved to watch him dig himself out of holes and light up at mentions of the kids, especially Dustin.

You shrugged your shoulders slightly from your place resting against his chest. “I mean yeah I’m scared of something but I’m not gonna tell you.”

“Why not! I tell you everything and you’re not gonna tell me your biggest fear?”

You grabbed his hand in yours. “Steve, it’s not that big of a deal.”

He shook his head aggressively from behind you as he closed the gaps and laced his fingers between yours. “But I wanna know! What kind of best friend am I if I don’t protect you from your biggest fear?”

Ever since then, he constantly spewed random guesses to what exactly could be so important you refused to share it. He swore up and down that he would never use it against you for fun but you still wouldn’t give him a slight hint and it drove him mad.

Staring at the large machine the Russians made that was spinning with energy, you tried to not think about the consequences if it worked. The Demogorgons, the Mind Flayer, the Upside Down. It wasn’t something fun to face and the idea of someone trying to reopen the gate was unnerving.

“I don’t get it, you guys have seen something like this before?” Robin asked as she walked in front of you down the stairs away from the Russian infiltrated room. The two of you had clicked easily, both pointing at Steve as a target of fun. You were thankful for her presence to keep your mind from going dark in the midst of the chaos.

“Not exactly,” Steve mumbled quietly as he glanced over his shoulder to the emerging blue light. He wasn’t up for fighting other worldly monsters and really just wanted to be in your room, in bed, cuddling and watching movies.

“Then what, exactly?” Robin countered. She was easily terrified and her confidence was shaken so this situation had her spiraling easily. Usually she could feel some sense of control but she felt helpless down here.

Your feet slipped on the stairs as you ran off the last one while Dustin and Steve attempted to convince Robin that the machine’s success would guarantee world destruction. Steve’s hand instantly caught your hip to keep you from falling as he answered Robin’s questions, unphased by your misstep. Glancing around the room, everything suddenly felt alarming and you took a step back in caution further into his hand.

“Um, Steve?” Erica seemed to pick up on it too as she looked to the boy behind you. “Where’s your Russian friend?” In a true group fashion, everyone’s eyes searched the room for the said missing soldier only to come up empty handed.

You reached over to grab Dustin’s arm just as a bright red light filled the room and an alarm followed. Steve scrambled to the nearest door where you could all see the previously knocked out man was gaining attention from his injury before guards rushed towards you.

“Shit. Shit,” Steve mumbled as he slammed the door shut before turning and pushing you all back up the stairs. “Go, go, go, go, go!!” His fingers grasped at your shirt as he nearly ripped it with the force of his grip.

“Fucking hell, Steve. This is not what I meant by a chill weekend!” You shouted backwards as Dustin guided you through a door. With your luck, it was straight into another room filled with soldiers. You stood frozen for a second before sprinting to the left with a shout.

“Come on!” You held onto Dustin’s arm as he continuously cursed in distress. The stairs in front of you led down to the side of the machine as the room vibrated with energy. Dustin randomly shrieked and pushed the soldier to your left before he continued to run ahead of you.

Stopping just alongside the laser drilling into the wall, Dustin began screaming louder, “Holy shit! Holy shit! Shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!” He shouted one final time, holding the word out for longer as you stared at him incredulously.

“Guards!” Erica yelled, snapping you all out of your staring trance before Steve began to run further down the steps. He didn’t hesitate to shove a man over the railing of the stairs before tossing some empty barrels into more oncoming attackers.

“Steve!” You grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged him with you as you followed Robin’s lead into a hopefully empty room. After a brief headcount, Steve slammed it shut, using his body weight to keep it that way as guards started hitting it from the other side.

Dustin and Erica scrambled behind you to find some other form of exit as Robin pushed herself next to Steve in an attempt to keep the door from opening. Your eyes scanned the room for something, anything that could help. The heavy feeling was creeping in again and you jerked your head around to look at Steve in hopes of reassurance.

“Shit, shit, shit,” You whispered to yourself as you saw the door start to pry open. Without a second thought, you were on Robin’s right side and pushed yourself in between the door and the wall for some sort of resistance.

“Here, come on! Let’s go!” Erica lifted up the grate of an air shaft before climbing in with Dustin hovering behind her. You hesitated at her call, knowing there wouldn’t be enough time for all of you to get over and in before a gunshot went off.

“Go! Just get out of here!” You shouted in return as your feet started to slide beneath you. Your breathing was beginning to pick up and you were quick to try and talk yourself out of the panic attack incoming but it was useless.

Dustin stepped down into the drop of the vent and looked up at the three of you. “Go! Come on, now!”

“No! Just go get some help, okay?” Steve responded. His hands were sweaty with adrenaline and he suddenly doubted his ability as a so-called leader to keep everyone safe. Removing the kids was always the first step in a dangerous situation but knowing you were here and he couldn’t guarantee your safety was enough to send his heart into his throat.

“I won’t forget you!” Dustin screamed before the three of you told him once more to go. The second the air vent cover clanged shut, the door behind your back threw you forward and into the wall on your right sending your head into the concrete wall. A scream almost left your throat at the pain radiating through your skull before you crumbled to the ground next to Robin and Steve.

Guns were suddenly in your face, the sinking feeling of dread now overwhelming as you tried to breathe. Your hands shook as you raised them in the air, mimicking Steve and Robin’s actions as the guards surrounding your small trio.

Sparing a quick glance towards Steve, you tried to convince yourself you would find a way out of this. The uncertainty in his expression didn’t help in the slightest but it only got worse when rough hands latched onto your skin and pulled you from the ground. Your vision blurred with the movement as you tumbled forward.

“No!” You couldn’t tell if you or Steve screamed louder as the guards yanked your arms behind your back to secure your wrists with a belt. “Let me go!” Writhing in their grip, you couldn’t even begin to think of any defense other than biting the hand of whoever was holding your left arm. A sharp sting spread across your face before a gasp escaped your mouth at the sensation. You guys were screwed.

“Don’t touch her! Let her go, she didn’t do anything!” Steve shifted on the floor towards you before a gun pressed harshly against his forehead forcing him back against the wall with a harsh swallow.

The guard holding your arm chuckled at the action, evidently amused. “Weak. Cares what happens to her.” You could understand bits and pieces of his sentence as you silently thanked Dustin for his books on Russian translation. “Take her.”

An ear piercing scream left your throat as they tugged you backwards towards a long hallway. Robin and Steve shouted in panic, both of them too scared to try anything but fearing for your safety. Your cries continued as they pulled you out of view, Steve wincing at the sound like it physically pained him. He never liked when you were upset. He could count the times you’ve cried in front of him on two hands and he swore it hurt him more each time he sat through it and comforted you.

Now, sitting here, with a gun to his head, Steve could only watch as you were ripped from his view with a clear expression on your face that made him sick to his stomach. You were terrified, and there was nothing he could do to help.

The room they held you in was freezing. A shiver ran up your spine every so often as you curled up as best as possible. Every so often you could hear a shout from Steve down the hall causing you to wince at the sound. Your shoulders were tense with the awkward position of your hands being behind your back. All you could do was sit there and wait with hopes that Dustin and Erica would come back soon with some help.

The lock on the door clicked as it shoved open to reveal three Russian guards. Your heart clenched at the sight of blood on their knuckles and you prayed it wasn’t Steve’s or Robin’s. Harsh fingers pressed into your jaw, forcing you to look up into the commander’s eyes.

“He cries for you,” He spoke as he leaned down to your face. “Lies to us to protect you. Shame, isn’t it?”

You twisted your face out of his grip as you glared up at him. “Don’t fucking touch him. I swear to God you’ll regret it.” The notion of Steve being hurt enraged you and terrified you at the same time. You were always so used to his strong exterior that the idea of him being in pain made you want to throw up.

The commander laughed at your attempt to suede him before pain suddenly radiated into the side of your already concussed head. Thrown off balance, you fell back against the bench with a harsh groan as you realized the other guard punched you.

“Oh great, you guys aren’t above hitting females, that’s awesome.” You hissed as your vision blurred again and your ears rung. The metal was cool beneath your back but it didn’t bring any comfort. “Fuck that hurts.”

“Who do you work for?”

Cruel fingers dug into your shoulders and forced you to sit up. You groaned at the movement of your head. “I’m a babysitter. I watch kids. Steve and Robin work at the ice cream place, Scoops Ahoy.” Apparently your answer wasn’t good enough as another aggressive punch had you tumbling to the floor. The copper taste in your mouth told you that one broke skin as you attempted to roll onto your back. “Fucking hell you people are so aggressive.”

“How did you get down here?”

Pushing yourself against the wall behind you, the thought of just screaming at them crossed your mind but you had a feeling that wouldn’t go over well. “There was an elevator at the loading dock and you morons turned it on while we were in it,” You explained as you closed your eyes, wishing this would all disappear. “We didn’t mean to, okay? And if you let us go, we’ll act like nothing ever happened and you’ll never see us again.”

The thing about hiding from reality is things caught you off guard. You always relied on Steve to keep you safe when you wanted to relax and shelter yourself from the darkness of life. He was always there too, until suddenly he wasn’t and you didn’t have time to clock the aggressive kick coming towards you. The sound of your shoulder popping out of its socket was sickening but the scream that followed was even louder.

“Holy shit!” You hissed as tears escaped your eyes at the force of the injury. If this was their reaction to honest answers, you feared what would come if they didn’t believe you. Evidently, you were on the path to finding out as two guards pulled you up off the ground and began leading you out of the room.

Digging your heels into the ground, you tried to stop their movements but it was fruitless. The pressure in your shoulder was suffocating and your head rattled with each aggressive movement. “Let me go!” You begged repeatedly, trying to kick out or twist from their grip. Another door was open and in a blur, you were tossed to the floor again with a loud groan. “Ow, oh my God.”

“Y/N!” The concern in Steve’s voice couldn’t be missed as you attempt to keep yourself from passing out. The ceiling blurred above you as you tried to blink it back into focus. “Holy shit, are you okay?”

A loud groan replaced your words as you pushed yourself onto your knees as best as possible. The light burned as you flopped onto your ass before finally looking up at him. The blood on his face was bright against his usually clear skin and you could see bruising already forming on his cheek. Other than that, he didn’t look too torn up as he sat on the metal bench in front of you.

“Stevie…”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” He attempted to reassure you but it failed as you recognized a flitter of pain in his eyes. “It’ll be fine, it’s worse than it looks. Wh-What did they do to you?”

You let out a bitter laugh as you forced yourself to stand on shaky legs before sitting next to him. He didn’t hesitate to turn towards you and pull his feet up on the bench like you so both of you were sitting across from each other. The bare skin of his shin and calf muscle rested against yours, a small sense of comfort from the horrendous situation.

“Your cheek is bruised,” He states abruptly as you continued to look at him. He was nervous, you could tell, but he wasn’t as tense as before you were thrown into the room. The exhaustion was clear on his face and you felt the same, you were just glad to be near him again.

“Concussion and my shoulder’s gonna need to be popped back into the socket, no biggie.”

His eyes widened in shock before returning to their comforting gaze as he moved closer to you. The fear in his throat was suffocating and he hated knowing you had to see him like this, that you were even going through any of it. “We’re gonna get out of here.”

You laughed, letting your head rest against the wall behind you. “I wanna believe you, Stevie, but this one’s a bit harder than usual.” You were trying not to let the overwhelming sense of dread and hopelessness consume you but it was hard. Tears burned your eyes as you took a deep breath to calm yourself down. “I just wanted to watch Breakfast Club with you and eat chicken wings and sleep.”

“I know, I know, bubs. And we will, as soon as we find Robin and get out of here. I promise. Gonna make you the best damn popcorn you’ve ever had, m’kay?” You nodded to his soft statement even though you wanted to make a comment about making promises you couldn’t keep.

Your peaceful silence was destroyed when the guards reentered the room. Steve’s body tensed next to you, both of you sitting up straighter. You wished they would just get whatever they wanted over with and leave you alone. At least then you and Steve could come up with some sort of plan in hopes of getting out.

“I ask you one more time, who do you work for?” The commander was done playing around evidently and without giving Steve time to answer, a silver gleaming knife was being pressed against your arm.

“Whoa whoa whoa!”

“Scoops Ahoy!” Steve screamed the answer at the same time as you yelled in shock. “I’m not lying, it’s in Starcourt Mall!”

A harsh punch landed on his stomach as the blade began to cut through your skin. Gritting your teeth in pain, you refused to let out any noise of discomfort. Steve was already blaming himself, you didn’t doubt that, but you wouldn’t let him feel any worse.

“How did you get in?”

Steve gasped for air to answer the question, “I already told you. I told you before. My delivery didn’t come, and my friends and I, we thought that it was left at the loading dock. We went in the room and then it turned into an elevator and then… and then we dropped and next thing I know I open my eyes and we’re in this… wonderful facility.”

The knife dragged through your skin slowly as you twitched in reaction, letting out a small groan that had Steve turning towards you so fast you swore he got whiplash. “No, no, no leave her alone! I’m telling the truth, I swear to God! Nobody knows about us, nobody saw us. You can just let us go alright, and-and we’re not gonna tell anybody about this, okay? Shit happens, life goes on-”

He continued to ramble long enough before you kicked the Russian in front of you in the stomach so the knife clanged to the floor. Blood pooled on your skin before you looked away from the wound with a wince. “Fucking hell! We’re telling the truth! Just let us go!”

The soldiers laughed at your desperation for freedom as you and Steve shared a glance of confusion. There was no chance to figure it out before a guard hit Steve across the face, sending him unconscious as you yelled in protest before darkness spread across your vision and you let the welcoming sleep win.

“Y/N. Y/N, Steve, wake up!”

Robin’s voice echoed in your ears as you let your head fall back with a groan. Someone else was behind you as your skull connected with theirs lightly.

“Y/N! Hi, hi. Are you okay?” Robin’s voice was clear now as you winced away from the light.

“Robs, shhh. Holy shit, I have a bad concussion,” You mumbled as you took a deep breath, ears ringing with her yelling. “Where’s Stevie?”

You tried to feel everything out: the ache in your shoulder and new cut on your arm, you were stuck with your wrists, chest, and thighs restrained against the chair behind you. Headache building each second, you turned to see Robin to your right and Steve to your left, the three of you in a triangle tied together.

“Steve?” You whispered as you tried to nudge him awake. Him being unconscious was the last thing you needed right now, the heavy pit in your stomach finally bursting when he didn’t answer. “Steve, c’mon wake up.”

“He’s been out since they threw you both in here. They haven’t been back since. Said something about bringing a doctor,” Robin explained softly, understanding the light and sounds bothered you without you having to say it.

You almost whined at her words, scared that maybe Steve wasn’t waking back up from the attack they landed on him. “Stevie, wake up. Wake up! You promised me we would get out of here. Wake up. You can’t leave me!” Vision tunneling and chest suddenly feeling like it couldn’t move, you feared the worst. A wave of dizziness washed over you as you tried to breathe through the tension in your throat that threatened to suffocate you. You shook your head to yourself. “No, no, no. C’mon. Not now.”

“Y/N, are you having a panic attack?” Robin asked the obvious question as she tried to look at you. “Whoa, hey, you gotta breathe okay? He’s gonna be fine.”

“Robin, I can’t,” You sobbed as you choked for air in your lungs, feet kicking the ground harshly as you tried to wiggle out. “I can’t lose him. He’s all I have, okay? I can’t, I won’t-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” She tried to reassure you but without being able to move, she had to rely on her words to do the best she could. “He’s probably just unconscious and worn out. He’ll be fine. If they wanted to kill him, they would’ve already.”

You knew she was doing her best but it wasn’t helpful enough to calm the racing in your heart. There was a point to her statement; if they wanted to get rid of you guys, they would’ve. Regardless, neither you or Steve did well seeing the other in pain.

“Hey, would you stop yelling?”

“Steve! Oh, my God!” Robin’s voice was full of worry as she leaned directly back against his left shoulder to try and see him better. “Are-Are you okay?”

He took a choppy deep breath, “My ears are ringing and I can’t really breathe, and my eye feels like it’s about to pop out of my skull, but you know, apart from that I’m doing pretty good.”

“Good, good, yeah, because Y/N over here is having a panic attack thinking you weren’t gonna wake up.”

“Robin!” You whined in embarrassment at her comment, letting your head drop to your chest. Small drops of blood smeared up and down from the deep slice on your left arm. You wanted nothing more than to just go home with the kids, shower, and cuddle up for movie night. A slight sense of relief came back when you heard Steve speak.

“Bubs,” Steve’s voice cracked as he tried to get your attention, eyes moving to look at you as best as possible. “You okay?”

Tears slipped down your cheeks at his voice and you were grateful he couldn’t see you fully. “Mhmm fine. Good.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Well sorry I’m not feeling very positive,” You mumbled back. Your injuries were starting to get the best of you and the tired feeling was hard to hold back. “Just wanna go to sleep.”

Steve’s leg kicked yours as gently as possible, his hip at an odd angle to reach you. “Nonono, hey, you have a concussion. Stay awake. You better stay awake.” You softly groaned at his word, letting your head rest gently on his shoulder even though it pulled your muscles uncomfortably.

“I can’t believe I’m gonna die in a secret Russian base with Steve “The Hair” Harrington and Y/N Y/L/N-Harrington.”

A beat of silence followed her statement before you spoke up. “Did you just hyphenate my last name with his?”

“Mhmm,” She hummed in agreement. “Because you two are rarely separated and you love each other so deal with it. It’s just too trippy, man.”

“We’re not gonna die,” Steve responded to the first part of her initial statement, ignoring the little nudge at your relationship. “We’re gonna get out of here, okay? You gotta let me just think for a second.”

Robin ignored his request for silence and kept mumbling, “Do you remember, um, Mrs. Click’s sophomore history class? Mrs. Clickity-Clackity. That’s what us band dweebs called her.”

“God, that woman hated me,” You added. Your headache was getting stronger by the minute and you prayed Steve had some kind of pain relief in his car.

“It was the first period, Tuesdays and Thursdays and Steve was always late. Always had the same breakfast: bacon, egg, and cheese on a sesame bagel. I sat behind you two days a week for a year. Mister Funny. Mister Cool. The King of Hawkins High himself. Do you even remember me from that class?” Steve’s silence was enough of an answer for Robin before she scoffed. “Of course you don’t. You were a real asshole, you know that?”

Steve let out a small sigh before agreeing, “Yeah, I know.”

“But it didn’t even matter. It didn’t matter that you were an ass. I was still… obsessed with you. Even though all of us losers pretend to be above it all, we still just wanna be popular, accepted.”

“If it makes you feel any better, having those things isn’t all that great,” Steve admitted as he let his head drop to rest against yours gently. “Seriously. It just baffles me. Everything that people tell you is important, everything people say you should care about, it’s all just… bullshit. But I guess you gotta mess up to figure things out, right?”

“I hope so. I feel like my whole life has been… one big error.” Robin’s response pulled a chuckle from you and Steve both. Somehow in the midst of the worst moments, Robin always brought that feeling out in you. “At least it can’t get any more messed up than this.”

You let out a small noise of protest. “Don’t jinx us, please.”

“I wish I’d known you in Click’s class,” Steve continued their hushed conversation. “Really, I do. Maybe you could’ve helped me pass the class. Y/N can only help me so much before it’s impossible.”

“Hey!” You grumbled, “Listen Harrington, sometimes the student is unteachable for the teacher, okay?”

He laughed at your defense, twisting just enough to press a kiss to your temple. “I’m kidding, bubs. You did great. You always do.”

The buzzer of the door ruined the moment as the commander and his guards entered the room again. This time though, a bald man in a white shirt with dark pants came with them and you could only guess this was the doctor Robin was referring to.

The commander leaned down in front of Steve. “Try telling the truth this time, yes? It will make your visit with Dr. Zharkov less painful.” His grimy hand ran down Steve’s neck in faux comfort as your best friend tried to lean away, wincing as the Russian’s thumb dug too hard into his bruises.

Your eyes followed the so-called “doctor” who held a large needle full of blue liquid. “Wait, whoa, what is that?” Your question was left unanswered for a moment as he continued to approach Steve. “Stop stop, leave him alone!”

“It will help you talk.”

“No, no, no!” Steve protested as the doctor pushed his head towards you before injecting the needle into his neck without a second of hesitation.

You turned your head as best as possible as he groaned next to you. “Steve, Stevie. Are you okay?” For all you knew, it could’ve been poison and he was gonna drop dead any second.

Shifting his jaw back and forth, he nodded to you. “Yeah, fine. For now.”

Your attention was drawn back to the doctor who grabbed another needle from his tray, turning to you. “Oh, fucking hell.” You tried to kick at his legs to keep him away before someone’s fingers dug into the raw skin on your arm. A scream left your lips, feet dropping back to the floor as fresh blood poured from the wound the same second the needle entered your neck.

“Let go! Get your hands off her!” Steve shouted from next to you as the doctor moved on to Robin before they left the three of you alone in the room again.

“Holy shit,” You gasped in shock as you watched the drops of blood fall down your arm. Thankfully none of you had stopped breathing yet, so maybe whatever they gave you wouldn’t be so bad.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Robin asked since she couldn’t see what you and Steve could.

“Asshole stuck his finger in my arm.” A sharp hiss left your teeth. This day definitely was not turning out the way you thought it would.

A few moments of silence passed between your trio. Nobody knew what to say. Emotions were tense and it had been over 24 hours since you had seen the normal sky and fresh air. You were exhausted, head leaning against Steve’s. You craved the peace and quiet of your room, his soft snores filling the air. Despite the coolness of your room, Steve’s skin was always warm and no matter how much you whined about being hot, he refused to not be holding you while you slept.

“Honestly, I don’t really feel anything. Do you?” Steve broke the quiet with a light attempt at humor.

“No,” You whispered quietly, voice threatening to give out from all the screaming.

“I mean, I… I feel fine,” Robin added, “I feel kinda good.”

Light laughter followed her statement from you and Steve. She wasn’t wrong, you kinda felt like you were floating on clouds. The pain faded slightly and everything just felt easy.

“Morons,” You snorted in laughter, “They messed up the drug.”

“They messed it up,” Robin couldn’t stop her giggles.

“Morons,” Steve called out, “Hey, morons!”

“Oh man,” You sighed with a smile once the laughter died down. “There’s definitely something wrong with us.”

The door buzzer sent a ringing through your ears as you complained loudly in annoyance. You could see the familiar guards and even the doctor had come to greet you again. The clinging of his metal tools as he unpacked his bag caught your attention easily. The twinge of terror in your chest didn’t last very long, blown away by whatever they injected into your body.

“Would now be a good time to tell you that I don’t like doctors?”

Robin’s joke was left without reaction this time as you stared at the shining tools. Now even more defenseless, you wondered if Dustin and Erica were somewhere safe. Maybe it was a good thing they never returned to help. At least you knew they wouldn’t have to see whatever happened next.

“Let’s try this again. Who do you work for?”

“Scoops,” Steve answered bluntly causing you and Robin to giggle, “Scoops Ahoy.”

“How did you find us?”

“Totally by accident,” You answered this time, not hesitating to give them a response. It was like your brain just wanted to talk and it wanted to say anything and everything that came to it.

Some Russian was spoken, something you weren’t sure of. The doctor picked up a pair of pliers from his tool set and stepped towards your best friend. “What is that shiny little toy?” The target of the command was oblivious to the danger heading his way.

“Stevie, maybe he’s gonna cut your hair,” You cackled at the idea of Steve losing his biggest trait. “Ha, you’re gonna be bald.”

Robin practically screamed with laughter seconds before Steve was screaming in terror as the doctor put the pliers beneath one of his nails. “Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. Wait! No! Wait! Wait!”

“There was a code!” Robin blurted, “We heard a code!

The commander seemed somewhat pleased with the information. “What code?” He pushed further.

“The week is long. The silver cat feeds when blue meets yellow in the west. Blah, blah, blah. You broadcast that stupid spy shit all over town, and we picked it up on our Cerebro, and we cracked it in a day. A day!” Robin was particularly gleeful as she explained how you ended up here. “You think you’re so smart, but a couple of kids who scoop ice cream and watch kids for a living cracked your code in a day, and now, people know you’re here.”

“Who knows we are here, suka?”

“Uh, well, Dustin knows.”

In a flip of panic you turned towards him. “Hey, Steve.”

“Yeah, Dustin Henderson, he knows.”

“Stevie!” You yelled this time, hoping the force in your voice would make him shut up. No way, no way, was he going to sit here and rat out the little boy you considered your brother.

You hated the way Dustin’s name rolled off the commander’s mouth. “Is this your small, curly-haired friend?”

“Ah, curly-haired. Gread hair. Small. Kind of like a ‘fro. Yeah.”

“Where is he?”

Steve couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. “He’s long gone, you big asshole. He’s probably calling Hopper and Hopper’s calling the US calvary. They’re gonna come in here, commando-style, guns a-blazin and kick your sorry asses back to Russia. You’re gonna be two pieces of toast.”

Laughter burst through your lips as your head fell forward. The ups and downs of your emotions were making you dizzy but this was so fun and dangerous and sickening.

“Is that so?” The commander bent down in front of Steve’s face to mock him. You all burst into another fit of giggles that only escalated when an alarm began blaring through the base. The commander and his two guards rushed from the room to diagnose the issue.

The door slammed open as you recognized Dustin’s high pitched yell before there was a zapping noise. The doctor’s figure crumbled to the ground from whatever the younger boy did before his curly hair was popping up in your peripheral vision.

“Hey, Henderson!” Steve was giddy at the boy’s presence in front of him. “That’s crazy, I was just talking about you.”

“Get ready to run!” Dustin’s command wasn’t left up for discussion as he yanked the belts holding the three of you together off. Erica quickly moved to untie Robin individually before Dustin’s hands were suddenly on your knees. “Y/N, holy shit. Are you okay?”

“Dusty!” Your voice was way too excited in his opinion as he tried to pull his eyes from the dried blood on your skin. His hands moved fast to free your ankles and wrists before he tucked an arm under your shoulder and helped you up. Unlucky for you, it was the one the Russians popped out of socket causing you to yelp and jump away from him. “Ow, that hurt!” Your pain was disguised in a fit of laughter as Dustin stared at you in concern.

“We gotta go. Come on.” Grabbing your wrist gently, he pulled you out of the monotone room that had consumed your thoughts for the past few hours. Handling you carefully, he helped you climb into the back of whatever transport they had found, Steve and Robin clambering in after. The door slammed shut, the ringing in your ears making you press your hands harshly against your head. Curling into yourself, you laughed as the cart began to move making you roll around like a ball.

“Jesus, slow down,” Steve’s words were slurring together as he tumbled into your side. His hands were as careful as possible as he tried to get off of you.

“Yeah, what is this, the Indy 500?”

“It’s the Indy 300,” Steve attempted to correct Robin’s statement but failed.

“No, dingus, it’s 500!”

“300!”

They two kept going before bursting into laughter again. Your senses were suddenly overwhelmed, the medicine they gave you blurring together as you dropped into a fit of panic. Head aching, chest tight, you clenched your fingers around your arms tightly as you tried to protect yourself as much as possible. Erica let out a shout before you were slammed against the metal walls of the cart, a cry leaving your lips as you hit your already bruised head. Dustin asked if you were alright but you were too busy trying to choke in air to answer.

More yelling followed before hands were pulling on you, yanking you from your comforting position. Whining as you moved, you let Steve and Dustin practically carry you along slowly into the elevator you came here in.

The chaotic elevator ride went in a blur, Steve and Robin giggling a little too loud for your enjoyment. Dustin was trying to check your best friend’s stability before his finger was poking into his neck where they had injected the drugs earlier. The ride back up to ground level didn't take too long and eventually, Dustin held your hand tightly as he led you from the elevator back out into the fresh air of the night. You thought you were in the clear and could finally go home, take a shower, and go to sleep. That idea slipped away quickly as Dustin started yelling and pulled you back through the side doors of the mall while Erica attempted to corral Steve and Robin. You caught a quick glimpse of the two Russians undercover that were running towards you.

“Whoa!” Steve shouted excitedly as your group turned a corner sharply in the back halls of the mall.

“Where are we going?” Erica asked Dustin, who didn’t give her a clear answer. Soon enough, he was pulling you through the door that led to the movie theater hallway and into an ongoing showing of Back to the Future.

Your feet couldn’t keep up as he ran towards the bottom row, demanding you, Steve, and Robin take a seat. Steve broke out into complaints about the shitty view while shoving someone’s discarded popcorn into his mouth.

“Whatever you do, don’t go anywhere,” The younger boy directed.

“Fine, Dad,” Steve scoffed, earning giggles from Robin. You watched Dustin and Erica shift down the aisle to two other open seats. Steve slumped down aggressively, throwing more popcorn than he could chew into his mouth, mumbling that he had no idea what was happening.

Three minutes went by of your trio staring dumbly at the movie screen before Robin spoke up, “Guys. I’m bored.”

“Me too,” Steve blurted a little too excitedly. You looked over at both of them to see their expectant eyes staring right at you. Dustin’s words be damned, you were bored and hungrier than shit.

Moving quickly to the left, you snuck back out the same hall you had walked through. Food forgotten, the water fountains you found looked much more appetizing as you crumbled against it and chugged down water like you’d never seen it before.

Plopping on the floor, you let Robin take over the water fountain you previously occupied. Steve started conversing with her again but their words faded to whispers as you stared forward. Whatever they gave you down in the lab was causing panic after panic. Slumping forward, you wrapped your arms tightly around your legs as you tried to slow your breathing. You thought once you left that elevator you’d be free, but realizing that the guards lurked around every corner was enough to freak you out, especially when you figured out how vulnerable your group was.

“Steve!”

Your cry had his attention instantly, laughter disappearing immediately as he turned to you. He felt bad, but whatever the guards gave him made him want to giggle again. He clumsily clattered to the floor next to you. “Y/N, hey, hey. What’s wrong?” Hands were on your arms, your bare skin touching his. “Okay, okay. That’s okay, just breathe for me.” He was trying to walk himself through the normal steps. Helping you through a panic attack wasn’t abnormal to him, and he was always willing to keep you from suffering alone.

“I-I don’t know, it’s too much,” You admitted as you crawled into his lap, letting him hold you like a child. Tingling ran through your limbs, numb to the point where you could barely feel the warmth of Steve’s hold on you. “I can’t, it hurts, everywhere. We can’t get out of here, a-and and you, you weren’t waking up and-”

“Y/N, hey. Eyes on me, babe. I’ve got you.” His fingers were soft as they moved your chin to look up at him. He had never seen your body so tense, so rigid. He knew ever since the demogorgon attack that the nightmares were getting worse but you always, always insisted that you were fine.

You cried into his bloody uniform, hands refusing to let go of his wrists. “I was so scared, I didn't think you were gonna come back to me and I’m sorry! I’m sorry I never told you but I didn’t want anything to happen if I did and I’m just so so scared of losing you, Stevie. Can’t even imagine a world without you and I thought you left me alone and… and…”

So, here you were, a bloody mess in Starcourt Mall when the secret broke free that you had hidden from Steve Harrington for so long. Your biggest and greatest fear had always been so close under his nose and he had no idea. Maybe it was obliviousness or just denial but he had never realized how important he was to you.

You were scared, terrified, of losing him to the point where you didn’t want to risk speaking it into existence. Now, it all made sense though. The moments of hesitation when a plan involved him in the front lines, the over worry when he got into a fight, or the simple things like making him dinner and staying in his usually empty house so he didn’t feel alone.

You couldn’t live in a world where Steve Harrington wasn’t yours.

He felt stupid that he didn’t see it sooner, but you were so good at hiding things when you wanted to. He had slowly been figuring your patterns out but this one was just right out of his reach.

“Shh, it’s okay. C’mere.” His arms held you close, chin resting on your head, tucking you into his neck as he tried to bring you any sense of comfort, to let you know he was here and he was okay. You curled closer into his body, trying not to disturb the wounds on his face. “M’not gonna go anywhere, bubs. Promise. Could never leave you.”

Robin couldn’t help but stare, mesmerized at the way the two of you fit together like missing puzzle pieces. She admired it, yet despised it because she never would get to experience it. You were like soulmates, destined to be entwined infinitely in the universe. She begged, hoped, dreamed that someone would show up and love her for her the way Steve loved you. There was a lot of room for her to grow, to open up to the two of you about who she really was and she would, soon.

“Hey,” She cursed herself as she interrupted your small moment, her eyes drifting upwards as she let her head fall back. “Is the ceiling spinning for you guys too?”

You sniffled as you pulled your head away from Steve’s neck to look up at the indeed bright, moving lights. It was gorgeous, a blend of soft yet bright and elegant color.

Your stomach shifted uncomfortably before all three of you were scrambling to the nearest bathroom to rid your bodies of the toxins that had been plaguing you. You tried not to be too grossed out on the bathroom floor and the cold porcelain toilet you were resting your head on. Letting out a small groan, you tucked yourself against the corner of the stall between the wall and the toilet, letting yourself slump in exhaustion.

“The ceiling stopped spinning for me,” Robin said as she broke the silence. You could see the backs of her thighs as she let her legs rest upwards against the stall. “Is it still spinning for you?” Taking a second, you looked up and shook your head no, forgetting that she couldn’t see you.

“Holy shit. No. You think we puked it all up?” Steve asked from the stall next to you. You could barely see his blue shoes and knee high socks against the multicolored floor.

“Maybe, ask me something,” Robin suggested before changing to a Russian accent, “Interrogate me.”

Steve let out a small chuckle, “Okay, interrogate you. Sure. Um, when was the last time you peed your pants?”

“Today,” Robin answered without hesitation, “When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw.”

A short laugh left your mouth as Steve mumbled something about the drug still being in Robin’s system. You felt fine now - not back to normal but you didn’t feel as floaty and instead, your body was riddled with pain and exhaustion but you were just glad to be out.

“Alright, my turn. Have you… ever been in love?”

“Yep. Nancy Wheeler, first semester, senior year,” He made a noise with his mouth to imitate a gunshot to his heart.

Despite Steve being devastated over the situation, you were so grateful Nancy snapped him out of his King Steve persona that became so overwhelming. You had been watching your best friend disappear piece by piece, his new friends becoming your enemies with their snide rude comments that Steve didn’t really attempt to stop. So, despite Nancy Wheeler breaking Steve’s heart, you got him back and you were more than grateful for it.

“Y/N, did you just OD in there?”

By the time you realized you were missing the conversation, Steve’s body was sliding under the metal door into your stall and shaking you back to reality. You gave him a small smile, chin resting on your crossed arms as you tucked your knees into your chest. Neither of you talked about what had happened not too long ago and you were suddenly ashamed of your reaction.

“That floor’s disgusting,” You muttered as he settled closer to you. His hands were gentle as they grabbed your ankles and released your legs from their cramped position to rest over his lap, fingertips ghosting lightly over your shins. He needed to hold you, to comfort you the best way he knew how.

“Yeah, well, I already got a bunch of blood and puke on my shirt, so…” He waved his hand lazily towards his destroyed uniform. “Do you wanna talk about it? Robin went to get some more water for us.”

You shrugged lightly, leg twitching as you threatened to curl back into a ball. You felt exposed, more exposed than you ever did to him and usually you didn’t mind it but it just felt weird. Steve noticed, just like he always did, and shifted to sit facing you with his legs slotted beneath yours, his feet resting on the sides of your hips. Tugging you forward gently until your thighs rested on top of his and his hands sat on your waist, Steve Harrington finally looked at you the way he had wanted to for so long.

“I love you.”

Your response was automatic, “I love you, too.”

Steve smiled but shook his head slightly as he messed with you. “Nah, c’mon, babes. You know that’s not what I mean.”

You gave him a half smile, your skin bubbling with excitement. “Stevie, I think we both know exactly what we mean.” You could feel the dynamic shift, both of you could. It was obvious enough but it didn’t feel heavy or overbearing - it just felt right.

“Oh, do we now?” The smirk on his face was smug but it disappeared into the tiniest smile when you rolled your eyes at him and finally leaned forward to close the distance, your lips settling perfectly onto his. Steve Harrington was in heaven, and he was in love. He didn’t know why it had taken this long for either of you to react and make the emotions between you known after so long but he was so glad.

His hands slipped to your lower back to pull you closer into his lap as your fingers sorted through his slightly matted hair. Taking a second to breathe, you leaned back with one hand still lingering around his neck, the other gently brushing the bruises on his face. He was just so real, so close, and somehow still always yours.

The bathroom door slamming open had you shifting your gaze to see Dustin, Erica, and Robin crowding the doorway, the biggest smile on the latter's face as she held water bottles in her hands. Steve moved slightly to see them, his hand never leaving your waist as he turned to see your friends had returned. “Oh, hey guys.”

“Okay. What the hell!”

masterlist

ask me anything

#steve harrington x reader #stranger things imagine #steve harrington #stranger things x reader #joe keery x reader #joe keery imagine #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington smut #stranger things 3 #steve harrington x henderson!reader #joe keery #joe keery one shot #stranger things reader insert #stranger things

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five-rivers · 6 months

Text

Ancestral Chapter 21

Probably the last one for this month, if not this year. Written for ectober day 27: circus gothica (yes, I am behind).

Somehow, Danny wasn’t even surprised at this point.

"Yeah, I, um. I met the guy, once?"

"Sorry?" said Gwensyvyr.

At the same time, Jazz asked, "Who?"

"Pariah Dark," said Danny.

"He is supposed to be sealed." Gwensyvyr's form briefly flickered back to her battle regalia. This close, Danny could see that each of her braids had a spiked chain woven into it, starting low enough down that the spikes would bounce off the back of her armor, not the back of her head.

"He was," Danny hastened to reassure her. "He is. He just. Got out for a little bit. Last year."

Gwensyvyr leaned back, her elbow phasing slightly through the chair. She covered her mouth with her opposite hand. "It seems my suspicions might not be as far-fetched as I thought before. If he was out at all, they might have–" She stopped. "You still need to know the whole story."

Matthew's phone began to tweedle. He snatched it up with a look of panic on his face. "Sorry! I need to take–" The panic transformed into a kind of exhausted horror as he stared at the phone. "Does our honored ancestor know about phones? I mean…" He looked back and forth between Danny and the phone, which was still ringing.

"She knows about phones," said Danny, unsure whether to be amused or not.

Matthew seemed to take this as permission, because he answered the phone. “Yes, did you find it?” He was silent for a moment. “No? Do you know what happened? Could he have moved it to some other spot? No, no, I understand. If possible, please keep looking. It’s very important. Goodbye.” He put down the phone. “That was Aldryk Wylfred, his father was one of grandfather’s close friends. He’d been named a Knight of the Key, and given one of the Great Gate Keys to safeguard… His key is missing. I’m waiting on the other Knights of the Keys.”

“I had hoped it was not so.”

“Is… no one going to ask why Danny knows someone that Queen Gwensyvyr fought?” asked Leo. “Or how?”

“Well, he was a ghost at the time,” said Danny. “But we really ought to…” He waved at Gwensyvyr. “Listen. And stuff.”

Yeah, he wasn’t going to be able to get away with that for much longer.

“Thank you,” said Gwensyvyr. "But if you met Pariah Dark, you know what he became."

"King of Ghosts."

"He thought of himself that way, yes," said Gwensyvyr. "It is not something Artyr and I considered, when we killed him. Nor did any of the ghosts and spirits who haunted him and wanted him dead as badly as we did."

“His name really was Arthur, then,” said Lewis, who had taken out a notebook at some point. "Your husband."

“In his birthplace, perhaps. He was named after a famed king of that land, long dead, as I understand it, then and now. It has made our respective legends rather confused, at times.

"With me, he was always Artyr. He was trained as a blacksmith, which was why they kept him. Such skills are valuable still, as you well know.” She nodded to the ritual knives many of them had set on the table, and then again to the knives Irene had set the table with. "He made the very first of those. To kill Pariah."

"Why?" asked Danny. "Why did you need that? Wasn't he human, then?"

Gwensyvyr shook her head. "Not entirely," she said. "Not anymore. He had his men desecrate the pool. Mine was not the only blood spilled in it that day, and they did more than that. They threw trash into it. They blocked off the spring. They did things in it too foul to speak of. They cut down the tree and burned it. But not before Pariah and his sons ate every single apple that grew on it that year."

"They were syvyrys," said Danny. "That's why you needed a knife that could cut a ghost."

"Not like I was and not like you are, but, yes. They had already had some measure of magic to them - that is how they cut down the nine of us priestesses. Numbers alone did not do that. But the apples gave them terrible power.

"They took me and the others they had chosen as slaves - beautiful girls and men with valuable skills, for the most part - back to their homeland. The islands were not the only place he had taken slaves from, though they were always quite careful not to ever take so many as to be outnumbered. So, there, I met Artyr. There, we plotted. There, I came into my powers. There, I killed Pariah Dark.

"But to my continuing regret, I did not kill his sons."

"You think they have something to do with all this," said Matthew.

"Or their descendants," said Gwensyvyr. "They are the only syvyrys I ever knew of who could use blood blossoms like that. They were always doing some new, terrible thing. We had more spirits on our side than they did, even with their ridiculous cult, so they spent much of their time making new weapons against them. They had ways to keep themselves and their spirits safe from blood blossoms that we never learned. They had ways to imbue objects with their powers. At one point, they used some alchemy to make this sphere of red glass that could control most ghosts and even tugged on my mind…" She trailed off. "You've encountered that, too, haven't you?"

Danny squirmed. "Maybe."

"How?" asked Gwensyvyr. "Why?"

"It was–" He looked at the rest of his family. "It was– This crazy circus ringmaster had it and was using it to make ghosts rob banks and jewelry stores for him."

"Are you talking about Freakshow?" asked Jazz.

"Freakshow?"

"His real name was Frederick Isaac Showenhower," offered Jazz. "At least, that was his pen name."

"Amazing," said Gwensyvyr. “We ought to sit down and talk about all of the history you managed to run into despite living an ocean away and under a different name. But– Showenhower. That has a German root, doesn’t it? There was some suspicion that the younger son had fled to that area after betraying his brothers… I’m getting ahead of myself.

“While Artyr and I worked at cleansing the sacred pool, reviving the tree, and healing the other damage done by Pariah’s attack, Pariah’s sons built up a cult around their father’s ghost. A group of fanatics that stayed loyal even in death.

“They attacked Avlynys again when I was pregnant with my second daughter, seeking revenge and the power of the sacred pool. Imagine for a moment, such a battle between syvyrys and spirits. The sky was shattered with lightning, the air green with power. Trees uprooted themselves to take part in the fighting. The dead sacrificed themselves to take up their buried corpses. I myself fought Pariah in his glory, bolstered by prayers and sacrifice, wearing a crown of fire and a ring forged from the souls of a hundred berserkers. I banished him through the pond, whose door had been stuck open since it drank of my blood.

“It broke the ground beneath the pond and spring, and the spring sank deep underground where, to the best of my knowledge, it still rests.”

“That’s the portal in Andyr?” asked Danny. “Just checking to make sure.”

“The pond, yes,” said Gwensyvyr. “Kyr Argyn was built on the rift - we also used it as a silver mine for a while. Very useful, for a newly-formed country.” Her lips twitched up. “Artyr also enjoyed the chance to learn silversmithing. I do appreciate your attempts to get back the Kyp Styrryse, Lwys. It took him a hundred years to get that good.” She made a face. “It was also a great aid when maintaining the pool. Having it again would be very good.”

“Oh,” said Lewis. “I, well, I’m working on it. But– A hundred years?”

“Artyr died in that battle, but he did not leave. We had three more children, after, though they were… strange. Even now, he has not left, though he sleeps with many of the other spirits of this land.

“After we had driven off Pariah’s sons, we found the pool again. It took time and a great deal of effort even with magic, and once we did, we were determined that no one should use it for evil ever again, and that even if all of us should die - me, and my children, who numbered three, only, at the time, and my closest friends - it should be safe. But we could not simply bury it and leave it. It was not yet clean and still too powerful. So, we made nine Great Gates and nine Great Gate Keys, to guard all the paths that could reach it. We pledged our family to the cause of safeguarding it and tending it, and we named ourselves after those gates, those doors, so we would not forget.”

Gwensyvyr paused significantly.

“We’ve done that, haven’t we?” asked Matthew. “Even before Uncle Leon died.”

“It was a good while before that, too, to be fair,” said Gwensyvyr. “In truth, I think it started as early as my great-grandchildren’s time. A hundred years of fighting with the sons and grandsons of Pariah…” She trailed off and shook her head. “Alys wanted peace, and thought that both sides were worn down enough that she could get it. She married her daughter, her only child, to one of Pariah’s scions. But Kythrin chose never to have access to the sacred pool, or take up her duties to it, and so never to become queen herself. The throne and its duties went to her cousin, and her husband killed her and took their children to Britain, where he made a pest of himself for the rest of his natural life, despite efforts to end it prematurely.

“One of the children came back. We were overjoyed, but…” Gwensyvyr’s face soured. “Once welcomed, they used the pool to try and call up Pariah once more.

“That is when the pool and the journey andyr Kyr Argyn became so entwined with the succession. Before that, we had helpers, who came freely. They were not the priestesses of old, but they had some knowledge, and it made the burden easier for the family. After… we did not trust so easily.

“Later, many years on, Queen Arynryd saw the danger in this and founded the School of Heroes in an attempt to gather those that could be trusted. That was the original point of it - not to be a pre-approved pool of heroic suitors to pick from to prevent inbreeding in the royal line.” She rolled her eyes as a faint susurrus of ohs rose up around the table. “Although, I will grant that it has been useful for that, on occasion.”

Gwensyvyr shook her head. “After that incident, though, many of us were worried that Pariah might return, so I and some others went through the pool, and directly into a war. I am not sure how long it lasted. Time was strange, there, in the otherworld. But it was Pariah and his fanatics against all other spirits, and we felt that, as his old enemies, we must join in.

“When Pariah was sealed, we returned, but we found that more than a generation had passed, and Pariah’s brood had made war on us again, and that they had even roused the Normans to do the same. A whole…” She paused, looking away. “While we were gone, a whole branch of the family had been wiped out. Only the youngest, one too young to go to war, survived. And though King Ydmynd completed the trials, and as an adult, with a child just born, he decreed restrictions, and that no one should go into Andyr or to the pools except for the Trials.”

Gwensyvyr stared at the table. “I did not intervene. I thought it would be enough, as people had children, and those children wanted to take up the family task. I thought the pool healed enough, and the gates strong enough. It was not Ydmynd’s fault, mind. He was young, and he’d had a harrowing time of the trials, with so many of us gone to fight Pariah in the beyond, and all his family dead.”

She paused again, giving Danny time to catch up and think about what that must have felt like, for Edmund. To think about how every day they seemed to be getting closer to that point themselves.

“There were some benefits to the developments as well. The decrees were not because of fear, only,” said Gwensyvyr, softly. “Athlyng Elysyvyt was kidnapped young and educated by the Danes, who wanted to put her on the throne, but without the Trials, she had no claim to it. We avoided long periods of regency, and the crises that come with child monarchs. A few times, Pariah’s living fanatics were caught trying to get into Andyr.

“Then, too, not everyone followed King Ydmynd’s decrees, especially after he, in turn, died. There were strong syvyrys in those years, too. Even so… even so, we thought it might be best to let the living find their own way, in most cases. There is a reason I did not stay queen after my death, though I was, clearly, still there and still visible, as magic had suffused Avlynys through the sacred pool far more in those days than it does now.

“There were things to do, regardless. Even in death, even with the pool behind the Great Gates, we still had to protect the island and the pool from enemies. And…” She sighed. “When there were no more enemies, and we found ourselves growing weary, many of us chose to rest. Even I cannot be everywhere at once. I often chose to shadow my family, rather than any greater purpose and as time passed, and the pool wasn’t tended to, its power faded. I thought that a good thing, that it was finally returning to how it used to be before my first death, but lately we find we cannot even go there, and… Now we are here. A thousand years of attrition and inattention later, we are here.”

“And… that’s it?” asked Danny.

Gwensyvyr spread her hands out. “I am not going to attempt to recount the entire millennia, much less the portions of it that are in living memory. Although maybe I should. I always thought the nationalist movement had a little too much in common with some of the things Pariah’s fanatics got up to.” She tapped her lips. “And the Germans sent us a remarkable number of curses during the second of the Great Wars, despite how terrible they were at it, and despite hardly anyone being able to do that at all in the twentieth century.”

“We expelled the nationalist movement. Their whole organization was outlawed, after the Brygytyn attacks.”

“Matthew, you know as well as I that you never entirely get rid of people like that.”

Iris raised a hand. “So, our consensus here is that our premier pharmaceutical institution is run by deranged cultists who specifically hate our family for killing their, what, their god? And they might be Nazis on top of that?”

“Not Nazis,” said George. “Those were specifically German nationalists.”

“There are American Nazis, too,” pointed out Iris.

“I wouldn’t call it a consensus,” said Gwensyvyr. “But they must, at least, be involved, and I find the timing suspicious, if he was out of that sarcophagus for any length of time. I would say that the spirit who attacked just now was one of them, likely being punished for failing to kill you earlier, Matthew.”

“So, what do we do?” asked Danny. He was, personally, all for going out and beating up whoever was behind all this, but he didn’t know who was behind all this.

“The Trials,” said Matthew. “If we did them, if we got rid of whatever was blocking you, could you… How many of our ancestors are here, awake? Could you help?”

Gwensyvyr smiled, teeth sharp, ghostly fangs. “We would like nothing better.”

#danny phantom #ectober #ectoberhaunt #ectoberhaunt23 #ectoberhaunt 2023 #ectober 2023 #ancestral fic

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sannasruins · 11 months

Text

bad flirt

denki x reader

type: hurt to comfort/ fluff

warnings: jealousy, self consciousness, implied f!reader

a/n: this is me combating writer's block, i have nothing to say for myself, sorry in advance <3

word count:1.5k

Kaminari Denki was always a bit of a flirt, calling all the girls in your grade “sweetcheeks”, “sunshine”, and “cutie”. You weren’t in his class, so you didn’t receive the brunt of it but whenever he came by the support classroom to get his disks adjusted or his costume tinkered with, he would always seek you out to do it. Sitting and talking to you as you worked, his words often came off awkward and inexperienced, he was trying to be cool, but he was still learning. At first you were annoyed with him, interrupting your other work, forcing you to divide your attention between him and his tech, unless you wanted him to start whining in an even more annoying falsetto.

“If I had a go-en* for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have 5 yen.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, keeping your eyes down and focused on the disk you were fiddling with, tightening a screw fully before you humored him with a response.

“I heard you say the same thing to Yaoyorozu Momo last week in the lunch line, so you would have at least 10 yen.”

His face flushed in embarrassment, and he reached up to scratch his neck as he let out an apologetic laugh, “ah I better start learning more lines then, shouldn’t I?”

You looked up and at him, “maybe you should stop flirting with so many girls, or get better at it, because you kinda suck at it.”

He laughed in earnest this time, “aha yeah, though I’m just playing around, its nothing serious l/n.”

Oddly enough that sent a weird pang to your heart, you weren’t sure why, but you decided it wasn't important enough to give any thought to.

You hummed in response and directed all your focus back onto his gear, oblivious to the pair of gleaming yellow eyes watching your every movement.

Denki’s gear seemed to be getting broken or needing adjustment more and more recently, and every time he made his way to the support classrooms, he was always seeking you out. Interrupting conversations you were having with other male classmates, sliding into whatever space he could that was next to you, and spouting ridiculous pickup lines.

“Can you take me to the hospital? I think I just broke my legs falling for you so hard!”

“Cupid called; he told me to tell you he needs my heart back.”

“I seem to have lost my phone number, could I have yours instead?”

“I was wondering if you had an extra heart, because mine was just stolen!”

At first it annoyed you, his frequent and rudely impromptu interruptions, but you slowly found yourself looking forward to his visits, to hear his cheesy lines and chitchat with you. Along with that though, you found this uncomfortable feeling making its home in your gut every time you would overhear him talking to another girl the same way he talked to you. Using the same kind of stupid flirting techniques, he used on you on the way prettier girls from class 1A and B. You didn’t like it, in fact you hated the way it, and that stupid blonde, made you feel.

It all came to a head on an overcast, regular day, nothing in particular caused it, in fact the day had been peaceful, and you were allowed to stay late by yourself with the promise of locking up after yourself since you were convinced you were close to a breakthrough on a new technology you had been working on. Maybe it was just the line, maybe it was the way he had come sliding into the spot next to you with no regard for your personal space, maybe it was the way you couldn’t even escape his words after school hours.

“Sorry, can you help me? I think there’s something wrong with my eyes, cause I can't seem to take them off you.”

It wasn’t an especially offensive line, not his worst by far, but something about it caused you to be pushed past your limits, the last screw holding together the damn snapping and opening the flood gates. You stood up from your workstation, leaving him sitting there and looking at you with a confused smile on his face.

“Will you just leave me alone Kaminari? There are so many other girls in this course you can go harass, I’m so sick of your shallow meaningless flirting! You should understand there can be weight behind your words! You can’t,” you sigh exasperated, running both hands up your face and through your hair, “You can’t just go around with your sweet words and sly smiles and stupid cute face and expect it to not work!”

He watched you with wide, electric eyes, and pink slowly blooming across his cheeks.

“You, you think my face is cute?” he stammered.

His stupid question only agitated you more, is that the only thing he had heard you say as you poured out your grievances. Tears of frustration welled in your eyes, threatening and fighting to spill over and ruin the image of strength you had desperately tried to present in an attempt to be taken seriously.

The tears won, and now you were standing in the middle of your empty classroom, crying in front of the bewildered boy who had no idea that there were consequences to his actions.

He stood, arms out in front of him, hands open, as if he was trying to approach a feral animal, “hey, hey, hey, ‘m sorry l/n, I didn’t know.” He slowly made his way closer.

“I wouldn’t have said those things if I knew.” He reached you, and when you didn’t make any move to push him away, circled his arms around you in an embrace, pressing your face close to his heart with one of his hands. It was beating fast.

You bounced your fist off of his chest weakly as you cried, mumbling about “leading me on” and “playing with my feelings”. It took about 5 minutes for you to wear yourself out, to calm down and run out of tears, but he was still as a statue. He stood and listened to you, never releasing you from his warm embrace.

When you had finally silenced, he pulled away slightly, ignoring the small damp spot on his shirt of tears and snot, and looked at your reddened face.

“Are you done?” he inquired. You nodded.

He led you over to your workstation and pushed you down into your chair, before turning around and rummaging through his school bag, pulling out a water bottle and offering it to you.

“I haven’t drunk from it yet, so it’s clean.” he informed, tilting it in your direction, enticing you to take it with a quivering hand, and sip from it slowly.

When you had had your fill of the refreshing water, you screwed the cap back on, feeling much more composed and a little embarrassed of your earlier outburst. You scrubbed your face with the back of your sleeve, wiping away the salty streaks that had smeared themselves across your cheeks. You offered him an apology and excuse.

“I’m sorry about that Kaminari, I don’t know what got into me.”

He shook his head, dismissing your words.

“I’m really sorry too l/n, I didn’t know my talking to other girls like that would hurt your feelings so bad, I just, I don’t want you to think I didn’t mean them when I was saying them to you.” He paused, eyes flitting across the room as they avoided looking at you.

“I know it’s not very convincing, saying that the same things I say to others have no meaning but when I say them to you, they do, but it’s true. In truth, I was practicing what I wanted to say to you, all those times you overheard me, because,” he coughed awkwardly, face flushed a bright red, “because well, I really like you, and I didn’t want to screw up with what I say to you.”

You let out a bemused and astonished huff of humor.

“Yeah, kind of ironic now,” he continued, “but I’ve always been really awkward around girls, especially the pretty ones I like, like you. And, well, I figured practice makes perfect.”

It was your turn to flush now, heat rising to your face at his confession.

“I’m sorry I made you think I wasn’t serious, or made you feel like I was just playing with your feelings. That really isn’t what it is. I would love if you would let me prove that to you.” He took one of your hands into both of his.

“I really like you, l/n y/n, please let me make it up to you, could I take you out this weekend?”

You wiped at the reddened skin of your face once more, as if you could rub away the blush that had made its home on your cheeks. You nodded, snuffling against your sleeve.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that, Kaminari.”

“Call me Denki.” he pressed.

The ghost of a smile graced your lips. “Yeah, I think I'd like that Denki.”

*go-en is the five yen piece

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #boko no hero academia #my hero academia #fanfic #denki x y/n #bnha kaminari #kaminari x y/n #kaminari x reader #denki kaminari #kaminaridenki #kaminari x you #denki x you #denki x reader #denki kaminari x you #denki kaminari x reader

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purgemarchlockdown · 8 months

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What Animal can tell us about Amane

(EDIT: Purge March Remaster of This Has been Posted! Go Check that out!)

In celebration for Purge March coming out soon let's talking about Amane's cover and what it can tell us about her! Because I've had these thoughts stuck inside me for too long.

Let's quickly talk about some imagery first before getting to the lyrics.

So cats and cat imagery is a big part of Animal as a song, in Japanese culture tend to signify good luck and protection, cats are also just known as lovable housepets, even ignoring the mischief they can cause and how aloof they can seem to people, generally speaking cats are thought of as cute lovable pets.

However that isn't the type of cat Animal is referring to. Animal is referring to a beast, an untrained and wild animal that can't even follow basic commands. One that doesn't bring protection and love but danger to the people around them.

The mask comes off and the beast comes out, barefaced animal, I do it wild even if it’s ugly I can’t do sit, I can’t even do stay, purr until I go

Keep this in mind for later because it's going to be important!

You want me to bite you? Accelerating beat, let’s do both the good and bad Let’s get lost in each other, plunge into the gate, high expectations of love is not allowed

Analyzing the lyrics of Animal in the context of Amane is interesting, due to how suggestive the lyrics can be. Still there is a repeating idea of a lack of love and the search for happiness in Animal. We can see the first hint here:

High expectations of love are not allowed.

This is something that Amane is (unfortunately) very familiar with, Amane is an abused child in a cult and she knows that at a moments notice the people around her might decide that it's time to punish her for something, and tries to minimize the chance of that happening.

Not meaning to brag but I’m pretty happy I’ve made up my mind so they don’t make that face at me again

She's pretending to be happy, pretending that she's satisfied to protect herself, but she isn't! She wants more, and treats that as a bad thing. She asks if its alright to "spoil" herself in Magic even though spoiling in this context ranges from stuff like cake:

21/06/27, Amane's birthday:

Shidou: Amane, I heard it was your birthday today. I asked Es-kun if we could get this cake to give to you…… Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this. Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding. Amane: ………… ……cake……

Or...not being abused.

I won’t say “I’ve had enough” Will you laugh with me and forgive me?

Note that she also identifies this as her being weak. Amane wanting love, or happiness is selfish and frivolous.

If you can be a little greedy, I want to be happy

Happiness and greed are conflated, high expectations of love are not allowed here. Because that's greedy and selfish and Amane is a very virtuous good girl who definitely does not want any of that and even if she did she promises, oh she promises, that she'll not fall to those temptations.

Dear wise one, Is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes? I promise! A good girl that keeps a promise is like, mwah!

Continuing off that, A lot of Animal is about indulging, about not holding back. Doing all sorts of things, good and bad.

You want me to bite you? Accelerating beat, let’s do both the good and bad ----------------------------------- Why don’t you get h!g%, why don’t you go cR%&Y, why don’t we do it m0rE, hahaha

Which is a very loaded concept for Amane, person who was punished for helping someone because her cult thought it the way she was doing it was a bad thing. Not only that but as stated above, Amane promised so very much that she wouldn't fall to her temptations.

The thing is, Amane does want More than what her cult offers, wants to feel happy, wants to feel love.

She wants to eat some cake.

Q. 17 What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? Amane: Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

This isn't the end yet though I've been sidestepping the chorus a bit for the sake of flow but let's talk about it!

So as mentioned this entire song has the singer be equated with a wild beast. Specifically a wild cat.

But cat's are pets right? You can train a cat to be a pet by discouraging certain behaviors through punishment and encourage others through rewards.

Layers of makeup, the perfect animal, I'm waiting with my eyes wide open

I talk sometimes about how spiral eyed Amane represents Amane at her most emotionally vulnerable and defeated state, the state where she can be easily controlled and manipulated. Amane is easily molded, she becomes the perfect pet.

Except...it's makeup, as much as Amane tries even at her most lowest, even at the moment where she literally kills for her cult she can't fully become the special good girl her cult Wants her to be, who She wants to be for her cult.

Because being a good girl is a goal that's has arbitrary standards that are impossible to reach, abuse can be erratic and unpredictable. No matter how hard Amane tries she can never Be a good girl, it was rigged from the start, she never had a chance.

I can’t do sit, I can’t even do stay, purr until I go Show your fangs and howl, are you ready? on the count of three let's say "ZUKKYUUUUN♡", once I bite I don’t let go Layers of makeup, the perfect animal, I'm waiting with my eyes wide open

At the end of the day the wilder, beastlier, parts still remain, the Amane that knows something is wrong is still there, the Amane that broke the cult's taboos to help someone is still there.

The Amane that wants cake is still there.

#milgram #amane momose #008 #milgram amane #milgram meta #milgram analysis #Hope you guys enjoy this! Animal is such a fun choice for Amane and Im very obsessed with it #cw cults #cw child abuse

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etherrreal · 1 year

Text

“would you be mine(craft)?”

Pairing: kenma x gn!reader Genre: fluff, friends to lovers Summary: your dating life sucks, Kenma’s dating life sucks, so what’s there to lose if you just date each other? WC: 1,670 Warnings: N/A A/N: honestly, if one single person asks for it, i’ll write their date just because i love writing for kenma lol -Luna (and here’s part 2 for your convenience~)

You’ve been in this position before: holding the hand of your date as you approach your apartment building, turning to him with a polite smile on your face as you share some general kind words about the night. Then he starts to slowly lean in, head tilting and eyelids falling shut, seeing if you’ll reciprocate the gesture, which you do.

And it's like it always is: he kisses you and you kiss him back. It's fine. It's a perfectly serviceable kiss, and you know that the idea of fireworks and unicorns jumping over rainbows the moment you kiss someone is a fantasy sold to you by Hollywood, but you've definitely had kisses from previous partners—or, hell, even previous breakfast burritos—that sparked more emotion than the one you're engaging in right now.

But that's how you know it's not really fine. And when you pull away and open your eyes again, you muster up the most convincing smile you can while bidding your date goodnight and heading into your apartment building. And as you stare at the bright red number count up, riding the elevator to your floor, you already know that you're not going to be reaching out to plan another date. Instead, you’ll be sending the same very formal text you've sent so many times before about how you enjoyed your time but simply "didn't feel a spark" and you hope he has good luck with his dating life in the future.

And you pray that maybe this time he won't spam you with vulgar texts calling you the worst names possible.

...Maybe you should just start ghosting, instead.

You're on autopilot as you enter your quiet, dark apartment, flicking on the light and kicking off your shoes. You take the back of your hand to wipe your mouth because you can still feel your date’s spit on your lips, and something about it feels invasive. Your purse gets tossed onto the couch, followed by your body, and you're whipping out your phone to copy and paste the classic rejection text you now have saved in your notes app for your convenience. It's quite sad, if you think about it, but that's why you try not to.

The ink hasn't even dried yet, so to speak, before you call your best friend Aina to update her on the outcome. The line rings only twice before she picks up.

She shoots right out the gate with the important questions. "How’d it go? Is he hot? Is he rich? Tell me everything!"

"It was okay,” you answer, trying –and failing– to keep the sigh out of your voice.

"Yikes. Just 'okay?' That doesn't sound like second date material."

"I just felt like there wasn't any interest from both sides. It kinda felt more like a job interview than a date." You hold the phone against your shoulder as you attempt to toe off your socks and remove your now uncomfortable pants. "I'll give him props for keeping a conversation flowing, though."

"Yeeeeeah, we shouldn't applaud a fish for swimming," she remarks. You let out a laugh, nearly fumbling the phone in your pantsless pursuit. "Did you guys kiss?"

"We did, at the end, after he walked me home, but again, nothing. It was more of a 'last chance to salvage this' kiss than a romantic one." Your phone buzzes against your shoulder and you pull away to check the notification, seeing the dating app symbol at the top of your phone. "I texted him a bit ago telling him it didn't work out, and he just responded, agreeing."

"Well, at least he wasn't rude about it."

"We shouldn't applaud a fish for swimming, remember?" You double-check the time and let out a heavy, exhausted sigh. "Well, I'm going to take a shower and wash my face and scrub my lips."

"It was that bad?"

"No, just... Wet."

"Ew. I'm so sorry. Enjoy your shower, and I'll talk to you later!"

You hang up with a goodbye and manage to peel yourself off the couch, though not without a series of grunts and groans like a middle-aged father. A warm shower sounds like exactly what you need to turn your night around from ‘meh’ to ‘decent.’

And a boiling hot, 15-minute shower is what you had. With fresh, cozy pajamas on and lotioned skin, you drag your slippered feet toward the kitchen, feeling a craving for some kind of snack after the average dinner meal you had earlier tonight.

As you stand there with the cupboards open, you glance at the clock on the microwave—still off by an hour from when the time changed—and wonder if anyone’s in the Minecraft realm at the moment. Probably Kenma.

You grab the first bag of chips you see and head to your bedroom, getting comfortable in front of your computer so you can boot up Minecraft. You’re in the game for maybe a minute before you hear the Discord chime, a message waiting for you from Kenma.

ken-ma dick fit in your mouth:: 💻📞🗣️? call me by y/n:: …are you asking me to get in the voice channel?? ken-ma dick fit in your mouth:: 👍 call me by y/n:: bet call me by y/n:: also, whoever changed your username is a funny guy 😉 ken-ma dick fit in your mouth:: 🖕

With an evil chuckle, you pull out your headset and plop it on your head, switching channels and waiting patiently for Kenma to join. Shocking to no one, it takes only a few moments for his name to pop up.

“Yo, what’s up?”

“Hey,” he greets, his character popping up in front of yours and crouching, throwing down bread in front of you. “How’d your date go?”

“It went absolutely terrible!” You attempt to joke about it, but the bitterness seeps through. “He was an okay dude, but there was absolutely no chemistry, whatsoever. It was like having a meeting with a coworker.”

“What is that, like, the third failed date this month?”

“Oh god, please don’t say that out loud. It makes me feel bad,” you say with a lighthearted chuckle.

“Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine. Sometimes I just wonder if it’s me, ya know? Like, am I the problem, or is it the type of guys that I’m going after?” You pause your mining, pondering all the failed dates, and if there’s some kind of common denominator between them all. Or maybe that common denominator is you?

Kenma makes a noise of disagreement, saying nothing more as he continues breaking down lines of cobbled deep slate, pausing to mumble ‘zombie’ as he shoots him dead, the little jingle of EXP loud in your ears.

“Anyway, enough about my depressing dating life. How’s yours? Did you end up asking out that one girl you were telling me about?”

He lets out a heavy sigh. “Yeah. She had a boyfriend.”

“Oof. That had to suck. Sorry, man. Looks like we’re both striking out lately.”

Usually, he’d hum in acknowledgment, like he tends to do when there’s nothing else he can add to the conversation, but still wants you to know you’ve been heard. Instead, you notice there’s an odd silence, like he’s planning on adding something more.

Kenma clears his throat, and you hear him shift his headset. “When I told Kuroo, he said that we should just go out to put each other out of our misery.”

Of course he did. That seems like a very Kuroo thing to say, but a very weird Kenma thing to relay to you. He’s probably gotten similar comments from his friends—like you have from yours—before, the kind of friends who believe that a woman and a man can’t be friends without wanting to fuck each other, but you wouldn’t know because he’s never cared enough to tell you about it. But he wouldn’t bring it up now if he didn’t think there was some kind of truth to it… Right?

“I… don’t really have anything negative to say about that idea. It wouldn’t be the worst idea he’s had,” you say, although the idea of admitting Kuroo was right makes you a little sick.

The continued silence is deafening, and it gives you a lot of time and space to think about whether or not you should regret what you just said. The idea of going out with Kenma hasn’t crossed your mind since your friendship began years ago, and even then, it was fleeting. Over time, you’ve built such a strong friendship that you’ve never felt the need to throw in a romantic aspect to the relationship.

And you meant what you said. You don’t object to the idea of dating Kenma. Both your friends and Kenma’s have commented in the past that you’re like the same person. You’ve never fought, and any disagreements that you’ve ever had, non-game related, have been solved so smoothly that you don’t really see them as disagreements at all. The friendship you have is so stable that even if the date were to fail, it’d be incredibly easy and not awkward in the slightest to fall back into your old routine as just buddies.

Your heart is in your throat when his voice finally breaks the silence. “Okay. How does next Saturday sound?”

“Sounds good to me,” you agree, a smile growing on your face.

You spend the next few hours gaming, as usual. Neither of you brings up the date again nor makes any kind of sly reference to it, and you both continue speaking like it’s any other night. You can’t help but wonder for a moment if the whole date agreement was just an exhaustion-induced fever dream.

But after you’ve both signed off for the night, you receive a notification for a Google Calendar invite from Kenma titled “Date with Y/N 💐” set for next weekend, and you realize, with sudden butterflies in your stomach, that the whole conversation wasn’t a dream, and you’ll be going out with your best friend next Saturday.

You can hardly wait.

Written by: Luna

feel free to request something or even join our taglist!

#kenma x reader #kozume kenma x reader #kenma kozume x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #kenma kozume #kenma imagines #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu #hq kenma #hq x reader #hq imagines #haikyuu!!#our writing #luna writes

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velvetxkissesx · 1 year

Text

come home

izuku midoriya x fem coded reader

after Izuku leaves UA, you and the rest of your class make the decision to drag him back kicking and screaming if you needed to. you go over the recent events that led you up to that moment in time.

WARNINGS: SPOOIIILLEEERRRS FOR SEASON SIX SO IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED OR READ THE MANGA YOU’VE BEEN WARNED. violence, lots of cussing because of katsuki bakugo being present, extremely unedited and unread, it’s so long I hate it so much but I’m posting it anyways because I’ve been obsessed with this idea. it’s a little angsty I suppose

“You know he isn’t going to come easily, right?” You mumbled to Bakugo, as you two walked out of the security gate side by side. The rest of your class behind you.

“Yeah yeah, I’ve kicked his ass once, I’ll do it again and drag him back by his stupid hair,” Bakugo tightened his gauntlets before he looked at you, and finally realized how terrified you were, “Hey, this is going to work idiot, we all have things we need to say to him."

You all made your way, following the gps Endeavor had for him. Everyone’s nerves were high, maneuvering through the streets. There was no way you guys were going to fail this mission. Not when it was something this important. For someone this important.

"Over here, I found him."

-----a few days after izuku left UA

"Bakugo she's still HEALING!" You could hear a loud commotion outside of your hotel room. There wasn't much left in you to care though, not when you were rereading the same scribbled out note that was on your bed. It was even right next to your favorite flower.

You have to understand that not telling you about One for All was hard. There were a lot of times that I wanted to turn to you, but I couldn't. Don't be mad at Kacchan for knowing and not saying anything either, I made him swear. I have so much that I want to tell you, but that will have to wait for now. I am sorry I kept this a secret from you of all people.. You almost died, he almost killed you because he gathered what you meant to me. I have to stay away from UA, away from you, to keep you all safe.

I hope you can forgive me..

Izuku.

Your door busted open, Bakugo being held back by Sero and Denki. He looked at you, and then at the paper in your hands.

"Stop crying and get your ass up, we need to figure this out." Bakugo threw a bag with your uniform in it at you. You looked up at him and the other guys and waved them out of the room so you could get dressed.

......

"Todoroki, I might punch your dad," You mumbled, and the taller boy looked down at you while you all waited to corner him in the principal's office.

"You were just released from the hospital after your heart was slightly punctured, I don't think punching the number one hero is in your best interest," Todoroki half-way joked with you, before his tone went serious again, "If you do it though, you'll have my support."

All of you walked into the principal's office, and Endeavor looked shocked at first before he sighed. He almost seemed to just accept the fact the entirety of Class 1-A was standing in front of him. None of you were happy with him. Bakugo explained to him why you guys needed to go, and you backed up his statement. The two of you, and Todoroki staring down the number one hero. Endeavor tried to argue and talk him out of it, but the principal wouldn't budge. Instead he gave you the okay to track down Midoriya, and bring him back.

----------

Your feet ran faster than you should have been able to, considering it wasn't too long ago your heart was in pretty bad shape. None of that mattered though, your best friend was there. He was there and you were close enough to reach him. You could reach him. All of you were in the area soon enough, Todoroki using his ice to subdue the villain Midoriya was fighting even further. Yaoyorozu helping imprison him even longer.

He didn't even look the same anymore, not even just because he hadn't bathed in who knew how long. His usually bright green eyes were dull, and tired now. You didn't know what you wanted to do more, hug him or punch him for leaving you all behind like that. He was looking around slowly, trying to assess the situation. Finally though, his eyes landed on you.

For a moment he looked relieved, but then his face dropped again.

---------------------

Izuku watched in horror as the black and red shards shot out of Shigaraki, but he wasn't aiming for him. No instead they went for their target, you. One went straight through your chest, another hitting your shoulder, another hitting your leg.

You didn't scream, you didn't even panic. Instead your clouded eyes focused on the one thing that always calmed you down. Izuku Midoriya, with his beautiful green hair, and matching green eyes. The boy that felt like spring to you. You wanted him to be the last thing you saw.

Izuku couldn't move as he watched the blood you coughed up trickle out of the corner of your mouth. Your once bright colored suit now soaked red. Before you went limp, before your eyes closed for what Izuku thought was for good, you said something. Izuku couldn't hear it though, because before he could even process what had happened to you, Bakugo was injured just the same.

-----------------------

“I don't understand, why are you here?" He looked everywhere but you, which made you want to punch him even more.

"We were worried about you," You stepped more towards Bakugo, making sure he couldn't just ignore you. Izuku's eyes flickered towards you again. He grabbed his mask and started to stand up.

"That's nice, but I'm fine really, no need for concern," He put his mask back on his face, "So leave."

Bakugo started to clap.

"Oh yeah, great speech! Wasn't that great?" Bakugo looked at you, you knew he was trying to keep you on track, "Just what we wanted from the famous One For All successor! Real talk, are you able to smile right now?"

"In order to smile.. For everyone to live in peace.." He stood up, and maybe you were just trying to convince yourself but you swore you could've felt him looking at you through his mask, "I have to go, I'm sorry."

Izuku got ready to move, and you took in a deep breath. All of your classmates were already prepared for this, for him to go this route. There was no way he was going to let it happen without a fight.

"You're going to have to make us, ya busted-ass All Might wannabe!" Bakugo taunted.

"We had a feeling that's what you were going to say," Iida sighed, "Let's do this class!"

"You're coming home Izuku." You clenched your fists

---------------------------

You knew it was Bakugo when there was one quick knock, followed by your door handle being shaken, and then more knocks coming after. You opened the door and he shoved a costume case at you, followed by a bag of your fixed up support equipment.

"We have his location, we are going to get him now, and you're coming," Bakugo grumbled, and you raised an eyebrow, "Don't give me that stupid face, I know what the principal said about you hanging back, and I don't give a shit,"

"You guys can do this without me," You sighed and turned into your room. Bakugo let out an annoyed sigh, followed by a lot of mumbling that you could only assume would piss you off if he said it out loud.

"Look, just because your heart got a tiny little hole in it, doesn't mean that you're not capable of helping!" Bakugo snapped, and he grabbed your shoulders to turn you towards him, "That damn idiot needs to see you, standing up, walking, and talking, or else all of this goes to shit!"

"I don't understand why I am such a crucial part to this working!" You shouted, the tears stinging your eyes, "I mean it's not like we were that close anymore, not since we started work-studies! You and Todoroki will be there, Iida will be there, everyone else will be there I don't understand why it all falls apart if I don't come!"

"Do I have to spell this shit out for you? You aren't just a friend to him, just like he isn't for you," Bakugo's tone seemed to soften, even if he was still talking at the same obnoxious volume, "Look, we both have shit that we have to say to him, things we have to confess, so get dressed and come the fuck on,"

You blinked a few times, trying to figure out how Bakugo knew about your feelings for your best friend. It wasn't something you had really shared with anyone.

"You knocked out on the battlefield, you didn't see him after we got stabbed, for a second I thought the idiot might actually rip Shigaraki's ass into pieces," Bakugo's voice was finally quieter, "Once he was on the ground, and he was looking at what we all thought was you lyin' there dead, he told you he loved you, that he was in love with you,"

"W-what?"

"That's why I am saying we need you to help us, he needs to see you okay again, and maybe then we will have a better chance to get through to him."

You nodded your head.

Before you lost consciousness after being stabbed, you told Izuku the same thing.

That you loved him.

-------------------

Everyone had been trying to talk to him, but he just kept trying to run. That was until he fell into your trap. Todoroki was the next line of defense after you, but Izuku wasn't showing any sign of moving once he saw you. He actually dropped once he spotted you on the roof. His mask had fallen off and you were finally getting a good look at his face.

"I am trying to protect you, you have to let me go," Izuku's voice cracked a little, but you shook your head and stepped towards him. He didn't run or back away, he stayed still.

"I am so.. so angry with you," You tried your best to keep your temper and your voice even, "Do you remember, a few nights before the battle even happened, when we were sitting in your dorm room?

---------------------

"I'm happy that I've had you for such a long time, you know that?" Izuku's words caught you off guard, both of you turning red, "I just, I mean, because we are best friends and-"

You looked at him, and gave a small smile, "I'm happy that I have you too, Izuku."

Neither one of you could find the right thing to say next. So instead you both just sat on his bed, and changed the subject to other little things going on. There was one difference though, your pinkies stayed right next to each other, just barely overlapping.

-----------------------

"I had so much more that I wanted to say, but I was too scared to," You stepped closer, "But I'm not scared anymore, so Izuku what I really wanted to say that day, what I said to you after Shigaraki-"

"I know, at least I think I do," Izuku whispered, and you stopped, "Which is just another reason why I have to go, I have to get as far away from you as possible, so that he can't use you against me again."

"Do you really think you being gone is going to stop him from targeting the school? From targeting us?!" You finally let the tears come out, "I am so sorry that you had to see that happen to me, I should have moved faster, but if you think you know what I was going to say that day, then you know why I am not giving up until I know you're safe!"

Izuku stepped forward, and pushed your hair off of your forehead. His lips were chapped, but they still felt so soft against your skin. Both of you seemed to be stuck in time like that, his lips just barely kissing your forehead. There was a silent apology in that moment, a silent confession. Before you could reach for his hand and let him know that it was okay, and that you really did feel it too, he was gone. Todoroki's ice wall was the next thing to catch him. The next plan was in motion.

"We are with you! You don't have to face anything alone!" Tsu shouted at him and the ice began to shake. You ran to the edge of the building, and watched.

"Have you considered this might be exactly what All For One wants?!" Todoroki yelled, "He could go after UA while we are distracted here! You've worn yourself out, and you still don't have a lead on the League, so stop this!"

"Izuku you need a new plan!" You shouted, using your quirk to get up onto the ice with Todoroki so he could hear you, "We are more than ready to help you do just that!"

"If you actually want to save our school, then instead of abandoning it, come back and fight for it!" Todoroki held out an arm to protect you from slipping on the ice that was still struggling to hold Izuku, even though Todoroki was forming even more to try and hold him, "Let's stand together and protect UA!"

'"You can't be near me!" Izuku struggled against the ice.'"You can't be near me!" Izuku struggled against the ice.

"You don't get to make that decision for us!" You yelled, grabbing Todoroki's arm to steady yourself, "Izuku please!"

"You could all die! This is a fight that is destined to take place, between One for All and All for One, the rest of you can't keep up!" Izuku finally broke out of the ice, and Todoroki got you two off of the ice. You looked at him defeated but he gave you a firm nod and got ready for the next phase.

Bakugo was helping Iida get to him. Kaminari placed a firm hand on your shoulder. He was trying to reassure you, silently, as you all cheered for Iida. You flinched forward a little bit, your heart still too exhausted to be doing all of this. Sero and Kaminari both helped you back down onto the ground, where Kirishima was trying to catch them.

"Stop trying to run away from us," You stepped away from the other two boys, walking towards Izuku more, "Don't you get it? We aren't giving up on you, we all agree it is time for you to come back,"

"I wish I could, but I.. I am too scared, there are a lot of people that me coming back could cause trouble for," Izuku's voice was cracking. You grabbed Bakugo's shoulder.

"Do it." You whispered.

----------

"When you said that you have things you needed to confess to him, do I have some competition to worry about?" You opened the door, and Bakugo scoffed before he shook his head.

"No, dumbass, I just owe the idiot an apology," He mumbled, his eyes avoiding your own wide ones, "I owe you one too, but you're going to have to wait,"

"Awe Kacchan, I always knew you were still our friiieennnddd." You teased, trying to lighten both of your moods. The three of you grew up together, and although Bakugo didn't shove you as far away as he did Izuku.. He still distanced himself enough from you.

-----------

The crowd reacted the way you had all expected them too. Izuku had tried to sneak off, but you grabbed his hand. The two of you looked at one another, but he stayed silent. He squeezed your hand slightly. Uraraka was the one to try and take a stand though, floating above the crowd while she defended why he needed to be there. You only let him go when Kota broke through the crowd, running for the boy who once saved him. You stepped back, standing by Bakugo as you watched the crowd change their minds.

"You still need to tell him y'know?" Bakugo muttered, nudging you slightly, "If I could apologize to Izuku in front of our entire class, you can tell him you love him, let it be in private later, but you have to do it,"

"I will, but first he needs to rest, plus Denki was right he needs to take a damn bath."

The boys took charge of making sure that Izuku got a bath. Judging by all of the noise, you could only assume it was going well. You got out of a quick shower, and made your way back to your room. The boys were going to be there awhile, and you were sure that it wouldn't be the right time to have that conversation now. You opened your door though, and let out a scream at the fact there was already another person standing in there.

"I'M SORRY KACCHAN MADE ME COME UP HERE AND WAIT I THOUGHT YOU KNEW!" Izuku's hands frantically waved around as he rushed forward to apologize.

"That idiot really needs to understand that it was more than just a tiny hole," You mumbled, rubbing your chest, "Zuku stop saying you're sorry, it is okay, I just wasn't expecting you, I thought you were still in the bath,"

"Some of the guys still are," Izuku's eyes were focused on where the scar was just barely showing out of your tank top. You closed your door, and grabbed his hand. You were certain he stopped breathing when you put his hand against the left side of your chest.

"It wasn't your fault that I got hurt, I was trying to help you, I knew the risk," You whispered, holding his hand against your heartbeat, "He managed to hit right beside my heart, so it wasn't punctured all the way through, but there was a lot of bleeding, the medics fixed it though,"

Izuku's eyes filled with tears again, as he stared at where his hand was resting. You only moved his hand, so you could hug him. You wrapped your arms around his torso, and pressed your face into his chest. His arms wrapped back around you, his face pressing into your hair. The two of you stood there like that, crying with each other. Taking in the fact that you were both okay, you were both alive.

"I couldn't hear you that day, when you told me, it wasn't until a couple days ago when the moment replayed in my head that I realized what you said," Izuku pulled back, and pulled you back too, "I came to see you before I left, you were asleep, all hooked up to machines and out of surgery for them to fix what quirks couldn't, they said that they were just waiting for you to wake up but that they didn't know when that was going to happen.."

"I didn't until a few days after you left, then I found your note and," You trailed off before you took a deep breath, "Izuku, there is so much happening right now, and I know that everything is a little tense and scary, so maybe it isn't the right time but we both know that there is a lot we need to lay out for each other, so can we just.."

"I love you," You could barely hear him, but he said it first, "You're right, things are tense and scary, we don't know much for certain, but I know how I feel about you, and I can't let myself be scared about that anymore, but before this can be anything I.. I mean we have to defeat All for One, and I would like to do that with you by my side.."

Both of you were still crying, but you knew it wasn't just guilt or sadness anymore. They were happy tears too. You were both convinced the other was in danger, and for the first time in weeks you both felt at ease. Just standing with each other, holding onto each other. Izuku’s feelings finally out on the table. No more ‘I have so much to say’, no more beating around the bush. He loved you, in the same way you loved him. So even though you knew he was right, and it wasn’t the time or place for you both to cross that line between friends and lovers..

"I love you, so much, I have for awhile now before you had One for All, before you were this big hero with the fate of the world on his shoulders," You put your hands on his chest, "So now it’s time for you to share that burden, with me, with everybody here, because we are in this together Izuku Midoriya,”

Originally you were just going to kiss his cheek, but he grabbed your face and kissed you. Both of your cheeks were still wet with tears, but you didn’t care. His lips were still chapped, but you didn’t care. It was a quick moment, maybe not even the most romantic, but you didn’t care. His hands stayed on your face, and you both kept eye contact.

“When this is all over, I owe you a date.” Izuku whispered, and you agreed.

The two of you walked down to join everyone else in the common room. Bakugo was glaring at you, waiting for confirmation, and took it as a sign when you held up your middle finger at him discreetly. There was also the fact Izuku hadn’t let go of your hand as he talked to everyone else. After you got to scold All Might for letting Izuku do this.. You and Izuku eventually ended up falling asleep together on the couch. His head resting against your chest, instantly soothed by the sound of your heartbeat. Your hand was in his hair, still gently playing with it before you slipped into an even deeper sleep.

“Should we move them to their beds?” Kirishima looked at the two of you tangled together on the couch. Todoroki shook his head, and put a blanket over you both.

“Nah, they’re not letting each other go anytime soon.” Bakugo defended you two, and he even took it upon himself to sleep on the other couch.. Just in case of course.

#deku midoriya #izuku my hero academia #izuku midoria x reader #izuku midoriya fluff #izuku Midoriya angst #izuku x you #mha shouto todoroki #mha deku #mha bakugou #my hero academia #bnha spoilers #bnha x reader #bnha season 6

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inagetawaycarxo · 10 months

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Diesel Is Desire ❪ MOB!BOSS!ROMAN ❫

— PAIRINGS: MOB!BOSS!Roman Reigns x F!Reader

— FEATURING: Roman Reigns, Y/n, other wrestlers, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso.

— SYNOPSIS: Y/n comes back after being away from an injury to find out everything has changed, that he has changed.

— WARNINGS:: Just some angst, because I am in an angst mood and I'm still depressed over a dude who didn't deserve my love/ me catching feelings for him in the first place, typical Roman behaviour, prob crap, errors I missed.

— AUTHORS NOTE: I hope you like it!,

— DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT give consent/permission for my work to be copied and pasted on other platforms. However, I highly encourage feedback, likes, reblogs, and comments.

Roman let out a heavy sigh as he sat next to you. You continued to look at the stars in the sky.

"I hate seeing you hurt," Roman spoke softly. Pressing the ice pack against the bruise on your temple.

"Well maybe you shouldn't put me in a situation where I end up hurt by you," You snapped. Snatching the ice pack from him and getting up.

Roman let out a huff of annoyance.

"That wasn't my fault," He spoke in an angry tone. It only made you let out a scoff.

"No, because nothing ever is, is it?" You snapped.

"Y/n..." Roman sighed, it was a long day, and nearly losing you to an enemy, put a lot of things in perspective.

He didn't want to lose you, but he couldn't replace his wife like that. No matter how hard he tried to move on he couldn't. he did love you though, it just was hard, was all. But seeing you get attacked by his enemy made him realize he could at least try and give it a go, to put a label on it. But you... You had a different idea, that little attack made you realize you weren't important to Roman as you thought you were. You were just another woman to warm his bed. To fill the void of his dead wife, you meant nothing to him.

"I'm done, with whatever this is, I mean you didn't even bother saving me, you let me save myself," You snapped.

"I saved you, don't ever say that I didn't save you," He shouted. Standing up. You looked at him with fury in your eyes. If looks could kill, he would be dead.

"The last minute, but what's new I'm used to saving myself, I'm used to being second best, or not even a choice," You shouted. Tears falling from your eyes.

Roman snorted... Pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Y/n," He huffed out.

"I used to think you didn't want to make us official because I'm the daughter of one of your enemies, but I don't think it's that...I think it's her...it's always her, you're not over her... and you are just using me to fill the void of her death, but it doesn't work," You spoke in a shaky voice.

"Don't talk about her," Roman snapped, getting up in your face. Which made you let out a gasp a bit. His eyes were filled with anger.

Roman was about to speak but you interpreted him.

"I'm done, go find some other bitch to keep your bed warm, to fill the void," You snapped. Roman flinched when he felt your palm hit his cheek hard.

Once you slapped him, you turned around and rushed to the side gate of his backyard. Opening the latch. Pushing the gate open. You quickly took off running, while tears slipped from Roman's eyes.

Tears blurred your vision as you ran down his gated neighbourhood. You didn't care what anyone thought. Breathing heavily. You ran until you couldn't anymore. Collapsing onto the ground. Your dazed state didn't realize someone was following you. You didn't even notice the headlights of a car, nor hear it park. Nor hear footsteps making their way to your sobbing form, until you felt a hand on your shoulder.

"Oh, y/n... what have you gotten yourself into, come on, let's get you in the car," A familiar voice spoke. Making you stop crying. You avoided eye contact.

They helped you up, putting an arm around you and guiding you to their car. While reassuring you. They opened the passenger door. Helping you get in the car. Putting the seatbelt on for you, before closing the door.

Silent tears fell from your eyes. You quickly wiped your tears away as the driver's door opened, and they got in. Though wiping them only seemed to entice more to fall from your eyes...

I highly encourage feedback, please leave a comment.

#wwe x reader #roman reigns x reader #roman reigns x you #roman reigns imagine #roman reigns angst #wwe imagines #wwe imagine #wwe angst #wwe fic #mob!boss roman #wwe #roman reigns

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cardentist · 1 year

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Context: [Link] (highly recommend reading even if it’s long) I debated where I should put this, but with the length of this post I want to put @nothorses master post about transandrophobia right at the top [Link] if this post is too lengthy for you or you'd like to read more after chewing on this then I Implore you to open that link and hold onto it.

I don't want to call out this person in particular, I'm certain they don't mean any harm by it and it's not within our best interests to pick fights with people who have (in this commenter's words) Nearly all of the same beliefs with some minor squabbles who are willing to support each other anyways.

but it's exactly Because I'm certain this person means well that frustrates me.

years ago I would've said something along the lines of "this is no different from saying 'I'm not homophobic because I'm not afraid of gay people.'" that it's nitpicking Accurate terminology by breaking it into pieces and judging the words its made up of individually when they're obviously intended to be seen as a whole. trans Men face oppression for being trans Men in a way that cis men do not, just like trans Women face oppression for being trans Women in a way that cis women do not.

but that was a long time ago, the perspective has changed.

"trans men can't have this term because it's too close to affirming cishet white men when they say that they're oppressed for being men" was a talking point back when "transmisandry" was the terminology that was landed on. and while my thought process about that was the same I Understood the kneejerk reaction. because there Was a concerted effort by certain cishet weirdos to make "misandry" a term that made them systematically oppressed by women, and more specifically was used to Deny the existence of misogyny (very ironically from how they acted).

(that said, I have my own reasons for liking that term even if I do see the problems with it, I understand why it was chosen at the time. which I get into here [Link])

"transandrophobia" was coined Specifically to avoid that connotation, to Denounce the association and address that frankly (on the surface) Reasonable kneejerk reaction while still being recognizable and serving the same purpose.

but the talking point about it remained Exactly The Same, completely unchanged despite the change in association. because the point was never About it evoking something unpleasant (though that certainly helped with swaying bystanders in the conversation) it was about the absolute refusal to believe in the concept of people being hated For their manhood. in masculinity intersecting with oppression More than just as a neutral trait.

now, what I'm Not going to say is that the concept of androphobia is a systemic oppression that's upheld by the majority or any governmental body. not mine and certainly not any that I've heard of. but I will Also say that conflating the Recognition of a sentiment that real people express With systemic oppression is not only unhelpful (there's a lot of things that aren't systemic but still matter) but has Also been used to gate keep minorities by exclusionist groups Plenty of times before.

such as when people stopped being able to insist that asexuals don't experience trauma for being asexual At All and instead insisted that it wasn't Systematic and therefore they didn't belong in the queer community. no amount of studies, no amount of personal accounts, no examining of actual law and actual acts of oppression from governing bodies or places of work would sway them. because as long as they could say "It's Not Systemic" they could dismiss it out of hand. when, really, even if they were right it shouldn't matter. if someone experiences trauma they deserve to have the source of that trauma taken seriously no matter the underlying cause. they shouldn't have to Prove that it's important enough to justify caring about.

but to get to my point 9 paragraphs in from where we started, the idea that anti-masculinity or androphobia or anti-man sentiment or Whatever you want to call it Doesn't Exist is pretty ridiculous coming from within the trans community for Several Reasons.

terfs hate trans women because they're transphobic, but they Also hate trans women because they're radfems. a core tenant of radfem ideology Is The Demonization Of Men And Of Masculinity. they think trans women are dangerous Because They See Them As Men Trying To Infiltrate Women's Spaces. and Yes that is obviously transphobia, but the way they talk about trans women is Not magically disconnected from their view of manhood or masculinity or Men As A Group. though Undoubtedly they will side with cis men if it gives them the opportunity to attack trans women, in part because it Is that intersection of Both anti-man sentiments And transphobia And misogyny that has them frothing at the mouth to hate trans women.

(see this: [Link] for a more in depth discussion on radfem ideology as a whole)

and the thing is, someone might be tempted to say "well their hatred of masculinity is Obviously tied to trans women, so there's no point in acknowledging it as anything But transmisogyny." and in fact, that's not a hypothetical at all, it's the default relationship people have with this concept.

but this mindset affects everyone, Especially otherwise marginalized groups.

radfems seeing men as Inherently And Biologically Violent, as rapists and unthinking monsters, Absolutely And Undeniably affects how they treat people of color (Especially black people). white women stalking black men and calling the cops on them because they see their existence as Dangerous has been a Thing for as long as cops have existed (it's the Reason that cops exist) and has been Documented as a current issue in the wake of black lives matter and the murder of black men by the cops. it is an attempt from white women to have black men murdered, to cause violence to them without having to physically implicate themselves, all while using the perception of themselves as inherent victims (small and docile and innocent) with the perception of black men as monsters.

and it Should go without saying, but this Obviously Is Not Saying that black men inherently have it worse than black women. recognizing the oppression of one demographic within an oppressed group Should Not Inherently Mean pitting them against other demographics within that same group. we should just be allowed to point out an experience that some people can have and let that be a neutral (if important) statement. the things black women go through because of Their intersection of racism and misogyny are well and truly Horrific, I certainly don't need to prove that.

and In Fact, black women are victims of that Same intersection of racism and androphobia that we see both from terfs and from white people everywhere. because "womanhood" Almost Without Question means "White womanhood," to have black traits (or to have Non-White traits) is to be closer to masculinity in the eyes of racists.

when terfs post a picture of a cis woman and harass and mock them for Clearly being a trans woman who will Never fool anybody it's universally because the woman in the picture has traits that aren't traditionally upheld as the standard for white women. it's misogyny, it's androphobia, it's transphobia, it's racism. because these ideas Aren't Inherently Separate. they Build on each other and they affect Everybody, because people who think this way don't just turn it on and off like a switch when they're attacking the "intended" target.

and All of these ideas come together and inform the situation with trans men, both on this issue specifically and As A Whole.

just the same as we see that intersection of transphobia and misogyny and androphobia with how trans women are treated (combined, of course, with other relevant aspects of an individual) we see much the same with trans men.

the difference is that people inherently Recognize that what's happening to trans women is more than Just ideas of transphobia (more than Just wanting people to stay the gender that they were assigned at birth), but they recognize Only the misogyny aspect. so when the same conversation is turned onto trans men people don't know what to do with it, Especially when combined with the (unfortunately common) denial that trans men experience Misogyny either.

that complex web of interlocking concepts, and in some cases the Idea Of intersectionality At All, are Denied to trans men. who are then minimized For the perceived lack in complexity (in their oppression, in their identities, and in their lived experiences).

"why not just call it anti-transmasc sentiment then? people might take it more seriously." even Ignoring Everything I've mentioned so far, the Reason I'm not happy with this is because trans men Are attacked (harassed, oppressed, however you want to phrase it) Specifically For Their Identities As Men. and as much as I Also want to establish that behavior and sentiment As stemming from transphobia, I Also don't think we benefit by erasing or softening that idea to make it more palatable to people who don't want to believe it.

this was a response I got to that post I linked at the very top of this essay. I trust that anyone reaching this point has an idea of how silly this is in context, if they haven't read that context themselves. and in fact I wasn't going to acknowledge it at all (I only have this image on hand because I took it to have a laugh with friends). but it's a Convenient and Simple illustration of this exact issue.

the hatred of trans men in trans, queer, and activist spaces is informed and Justified by the hatred of men as a whole. because If you can convince people that trans men are Inherently a privileged group you can justify presenting anything they do as attacking those less privileged than them.

Men are violent, Men shout down women, Men are misogynists, and so a trans man pointing out the existence of his own oppression while actively acknowledging the oppression of nonbinary people and trans women (Only making the point that it's unhelpful to try to quantify this oppression as a tier list and use that to inform how you treat individual people) that trans man is Actually just a Typical Violent Man Exerting His Privilege To Oppress Poor Women.

it's, very ironically, a silencing tactic to avoid addressing the oppression of a minority group to the benefit of the person doing it.

a trans man's manhood is a weapon that is Constantly used against him, and I Might (Might) be willing to call that "anti-trans masc sentiment" if I didn't know where it Stemmed from.

the relationship between radfems and the queer community is, to understate it, Fraught.

for most people who consider themselves to be trans allies, it's Easy to see that terfs are, you know, Bad. to understand that they're a transphobic group and Therefore dangerous. but by-and-large that'd Main and Only thing that that's understood about them.

and to an extent, that's because people believe that that understanding is Enough. that it's Enough to dismiss it out of hand and refuse to look at or Think about what terfs have to say. which is Understandable.

the issue is that no matter how much they Believe that terfs are bad and wrong, they're Still Vulnerable to being influenced by radfem ideology, talking points, and Active Intentional Manipulation if they don't actually know the Details of what it is they believe and how to spot them.

as a Very basic example, people who Believe "terfs are bad because they hate trans people" but Don't understand "radfems are bad because equate men and masculinity as being Inherent Violent and therefore inherently harmful to women" can see something like "men don't belong in women's spaces" and Not Understand that something they may be genuinely trying to consider or understand Is Radfem Rhetoric.

that specific example is, at this point, commonly understood as a terf dog whistle. but it's largely Only understood as a stand in for trans women and called out as transmisogyny.

which is a problem when, say, someone looks at a trans man talking about his experiences is oppression and trauma and says "this Man is shouting down women! this Man is being misogynistic and stealing spaces away from women! this Man doesn't Belong!" and Not Understand That It's The Same Idea. Because the person being targeted Isn't being misgendered (Most of the time), the exact Same silencing and othering tactic is used Effective against trans mascs while not being Recognized as that At All by the majority group.

sometimes these things happen because people passively absorb radfem rhetoric, integrate into their own way of thinking, and then use it against other minority groups without understanding what they're doing. sometimes this is done Very Intentionally by terfs trying to spread their own ideology and break up and cause rifts between groups.

this is not a hypothetical, this is Repeating History that we see over and over again with exclusionists in queer spaces. masterposts at the time had Dedicated Segments talking about the ways these groups shared ideas between each other, between radfems, even when the individuals Don't hate the same people [Link 1, Link 2]

there were Documented Instances of terfs Admitting that they had secret aphobe accounts that they were using to try to indoctrinate ace and aro exclusionists into their beliefs. there's documented instances of terfs admitting that they got to that point By Being indoctrinated through ace and aro exclusionist beliefs and talking points. we had terfs Openly comparing their ideologies to exclusionists Explicitly to recruit them. [Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, Link 4, Link 5]

Because if you're Willing to accept that these ideas Are True, that the Logic that terf ideology is based on is Sound, then you're More Likely to accept when that same logic is pointed at another group. they target people that you're more willing to hate to pull you into their beliefs entirely.

and some people will go on never hating trans people (or never hating trans Women or trans Men or Nonbinary People or Binary Trans People, whatever the particular poison they're drinking), but it doesn't suddenly become Okay when radfem ideology is being used to hurt groups that aren't common sense associated with it.

what's more, these exclusionists groups Hated when you pointed out that connection. would spit and yell and call you bigoted for Daring to make the connection, even when (at it's peak and Most Ridiculous) they were quite literally taking posts originally written by terfs and replacing "trans women" with "ace people." Word For Word. which means it Never got addressed, no matter who pointed it out or how obviously wide spread it was.

and it's Tiring to have to say "if you can't care about how this affects trans men then at Least consider how perpetuating this idea puts trans women in danger" But It's True.

if you let people perpetuate the idea that trans men are Violent, that they're Oppressive, that they don't Deserve to have their own spaces, that they Inherently talk over and erase other oppressed groups by talking about their own issues and asking for compassion, if you Let people say "this group of trans people is Inherently Lesser" Because They Are Men, Because Of Their Closeness To Masculinity, Because Testosterone Or Maleness Is Inherently Corrupting

the jump between Which trans group you think of this way is not as difficult as one would hope. and if we're Never able to address it for what it is, address it As radfem driven androphobia And transphobia And exclusionism then we're going to Keep creating spaces where people are vulnerable to indoctrination. to radfems, to terfs, to exclusionists, to Extremist Reactionary groups of all kinds.

and beyond all of That, as alarming and Important as it may be, it's Also worth noting that radfems (and even Terfs Specifically) Do use androphobia against trans men, even as they force feminine labels on them.

Yes there are the obvious direction that terf oppression of trans men takes. treating them like confused women and trying to indoctrinate and detransition them to Save them or Fix them (which, in itself, is a type of violence). and there's the Resentment of "the frigid uncaring woman trying to identify out of her oppression to instead oppress other women," which isn't a sentiment totally Removed from the issue with how trans mascs can be treated in queer spaces (quite the opposite really, punishing trans men for daring to Be men by equating them with privilege and thus treating them as both an outsider and a threat).

but there Are instances of terfs treating trans men as outright Predatory. as a threat to Them and as a threat to the "poor confused women" that get "manipulated" into "the trans cult" by the trans men they Couldn't indoctrinate.

trans men are vulnerable little girls that are too stupid to know what's good for them and have to be converted Saved, they're the poor lesbians being stolen away from the beds of Deserving radfems women, up until they're Too masculine. until they have beards, until their voices are deep, until they stop wearing makeup, until they're balding or their waste changes or or or-

then they've Mutilated Their Bodies, then they're Frightening, then they're Aggressive and Invasive and Need To Be Dealt With, then they're Ugly Men even as radfems try to deny it.

the feminine trans man is a mark, he's a damsel in distress that radfems want to isolate and indoctrinate. the masculine trans man is Frankenstein's Monster, he's an ugly brutalized image of masculinity, the picture of what radfems hate othered away from what they're a Picture Of by radfems' transphobia. Uncanny and hated just the same.

this isn't "worse" than what terfs do trans women, it's not "better" either, It's The Same, It's The Same.

transphobia, misogyny, and androphobia in a Melting Pot to create a horrific buffet of oppression and abuse. manifesting Differently in different situations and between different people, and yet Fundamentally Connected through the beliefs and ideologies at play.

taking away one of these terms used to Describe this phenomenon doesn't Help, it obfuscates the fact that these things Are connected. which Worsens our ability to Understand them and Address them.

these ideas are Important, not just for trans men but for All Of Us.

and while I'm here, I'd like to address the Other issue I have with proposed alternatives like "anti-trans masc sentiment," Even when proposed in good faith.

if we were to go back and reexamine the terminology for the queer community as a whole and assess if these terms are the most Efficient they possibly could be, would we change them? would we stop using a term like "homophobia" if softening it could make it more palatable? make it easier to introduce the concept to people on the fence? make it easier to ask people to address their own biases without alienating them? if we did away with terms like "internalized homophobia" and instead asked people to address their "complex relationship with gayness" would we be able to get More people to listen?

maybe we could, Maybe softening the term would instead lead to people taking these ideas Less seriously exactly Because it's less direct, Because it's soft, Because it deliberately seeks to Not draw a reaction from a reader. I genuinely couldn't say how this would play out in practice, though we'd probably see both reactions to a degree and thus endless discourse about its effectiveness as a term.

but that's ultimately overshadowed by the Bigger Picture (though, more accurately I could say that it also Informs that bigger picture).

and that's Unity. Cohesion. Communication. Community.

the point of creating terms like this is, of course, in part to give minority groups the vocabulary and perspective necessary to convey their experiences to people outside of said group. and this purpose is endlessly important of course.

but More than that it gives a Community the ability to open a conversation with each other, to take their experiences as Individuals and create a melting pot where they can get a bigger picture of what We As A Group, As A Community, Experience.

this is completely invaluable in every way. it's what allows people to find each other, to know they aren't alone. it allows people to move conversations forward, to unravel complex ideas in a way that Can Acknowledge a vast array of often conflicting and yet Connected experiences. to be able to Build a community together, when lacking a physical space to inhabit, we need Words to connect us. both in passing as neighbors and to Find as Strangers.

when you take a community that already has established terms and you try to popularize an alternative, Especially while encouraging people to Stop using the previous terms, you Split Up that line of communication. people who congregate around one term Won't be in conversation with people who congregate around another, which inhibits the community's ability to grow and deepen.

people who Dislike a term (because it's trying to take something away from them, because they've been told that it's morally reprehensible) Won't engage with it, so posts that are tagged with Only that term will not be found. and even If that term is (unrealistically) universally adopted over time There Will Be A Period where people are simply ignorant of it.

and this is Very Much So used as a weapon by people who Don't want these communities to unify. who Don't want them to talk to each other and Get Ideas. and the smaller, more tentative, less supported a group and term is the more Vulnerable they are to this tactic.

this was and Is used Regularly by exclusionists, though I'm most familiar with how it was used by ace and aro exclusionists Specifically.

they would argue Endlessly about how Anything the ace and aro groups coined for themselves was Bigoted Actually. "aphobe" was attacked by Insisting that it was a term used by autistic people to describe their oppression (a lie, and a ridiculous one at that. there's nothing bigoted about the same term being used for multiple purposes). and "Allo" faced An Endless Barrage of never Ever accepting any term, no alternative, because They Didn't Want Ace People To Be Able To Define The Group That Oppressed Them, because they didn't Believe in that oppression.

Exactly in the same way that transphobes tried to argue that "cis" was really an acronym for something bigoted and so "cis" should be abolished as a term. Exactly in the same way that people argue that "transandrophobia" is offensive Specifically Because they don't believe that trans men are oppressed for being Trans Men.

the point is that they will never accept a replacement term, no matter what. if there Isn't an issue with it (by coincidence or from a certain angle) they will lie to invent one. it's Already Happened with transadrophobia being the intended replacement for transmisandry.

because the Point is double. First to break up the intended target community to hinder conversation around an idea that you don't want to exist, to make it harder and harder for it to be found and (by extension) Understood and expanded upon. and Second to prevent communities from being able to solidify In The First Place.

this wasn't the only tactic that was used to hurt ace and aro people, but it Can't Be Denied that the affect that it had as a whole was devastating. it's been Years since this whole thing started, since it died down even, and the ace and aro communities have yet to recover.

it's Easy to fall into the trap and say "well if we just get the term Right this time then it'll be okay ! if we Fix It then they'll stop!" but it Is exactly a trap. the point of phrasing it like this, of making it about bigotry or about the term being Problematic, is Both intended to demonize the group for having the Audacity to create a term for themselves at All, And to take advantage of well meaning people within the targeted community to do the leg work for them.

it's about silencing, it's about destabilization, it's about Breaking Apart communities so they can't Grow.

"Meet me halfway," they say. you take a step forward, they take a step back. "Meet me halfway," they say.

#discourse #trans unity #transphobia #transandrophobia #transmisogyny #androphobia #transmisandry #it's been a while since I've used that tag #but it feels appropriate here #long post #Really Long Post #when I started this I didn't intend for it to be Even Longer than the post it's in response to #Engages In Toxic Masculinity By Being Incapable Of Expressing Any Concept Or Idea Without Writing A Peer Reviewed Essay #actually while we're here #can I just make fun of that anon I got a Little Bit #shout out to the Very feminist take that women don't type essays

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