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mcflymemes · 7 months

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AS SAID BY FENRIS * assorted dialogue from dragon age ii, updated version

meeting you was the most important thing that ever happened to me.

i can’t bear the thought of living without you.

you are too willing to involve yourself in the affairs of others.

nothing could be worse than living without you.

before we found you, there was a moment when i… don’t do that again.

you should really post some guards outside, considering all the trouble you get into.

everywhere we go, people try to kill you.

i don't want to hear another word out of you.

and here we are again. for the fourth time.

how much do you wish to test that luck of yours?

it seems you have won the day. well done.

why must you go on about this?

i can do that, if you wish.

i am alone.

i'm afraid to ask what brought this on.

is this going anywhere?

do you want to guess what color my underclothes are again?

you’re squandering something you don’t understand.

you do not like your name?

you'd look pretty in one.

i felt like a fool. i thought it better if you hated me.

nobody asks for their fate.

oh. that. it’s... a talent.

it was better than anything i could have dreamed.

do not make light of this. leaving was the hardest thing i’ve ever done.

whatever you need, i am ready to assist.

the true character of any city is found among its poor.

i enjoy following you.

i didn’t come here to burden you further.

we have never discussed what happened between us three years ago.

is there no one else who has your attention?

you wound my pride with such accusations.

break their heart, and i will kill you.

you keep staring at me. is it my eyes again?

you are more naive than i thought.

did i hear correctly?

that is my hope as well.

i don’t want your pity.

i needed to be alone.

that night... i remember your touch as if it were yesterday.

i shouldn’t trouble you with this. my problems are not yours.

how is it you get into these situations so often?

you did the right thing. many would turn a blind eye.

you do not want to know the answer to that.

i don’t know. it’s just something people say.

you have an entire story written in your head already, don’t you?

a shame that you are going to die, no?

i should have asked for your forgiveness long ago. i hope you can forgive me now.

from what i gather, you like a lot of things.

you wish to do this here? in front of everyone?

i’ve never spoken about what happened to anyone.

why are you watching me like that?

i remain at your side.

i may not get a chance to say this again.

thank you for asking me to come along.

perhaps this is what it means to have a friend.

i suggest keeping your distance.

if there is a future to be had, i will walk gladly into it at your side.

we need to stop and rest when we’ve a moment.

this ground is cursed. only wretched or ignorant souls would linger here.

i cannot imagine what it must be like to lose your family. anything i could say would be insufficient. i’m sorry.

i have never allowed anyone too close.

forget i said anything.

it’s so wonderful having my personal business as someone else’s sport.

well... at least i’m not dead.

you were never ordered to kill?

does it bother you? should i stop?

promise me you won’t die.

do not bare your heart to me, unless you would have me rip it out.

is that a compliment of an insult?

do you intend to go after me, then?

it is always good to be at your side.

thanks for getting rid of them.

i imagine you imprisoned them?

you have my thanks.

i am yours, as always.

the smug sense of superiority does give you away.

you caught them, then?

there you are. were you hurt? what happened?

i don’t know what to say, but i’m here.

surely you can’t hope to best me.

i am yours.

we should move on.

i could ask you the same thing.

i just... am pleased to see you, that’s all.

you are looking for forgiveness, but i’m not the one who can give it to you.

they say death is only a journey. does that help?

i stand ready.

shall we end this quickly?

another battle is upon us.

you frightened me.

oh, you've learned a few new words.

keep going. i'm sure your training will kick in any moment.

to be honest, i see no point in filling these moments with empty talk.

my wounds need attention.

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numberonetrashwitch · 9 months

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Since this is such a good question, i want to answer it in full. Obviously Spoiler for BG3 / Astarions Questline "The Pale Elf" Vampirism is a Curse

Despite the evidence you can find in the Szarr Manor, i don't think Vampirism is (just) a disease. It is infernal in nature and more akin to a curse, and one that whittles away your humanity - but in levels, the more "infected" you are, the more it turns you into a power-hungry monster. It's also something that Astarion will tell you early on (under the right conditions of course) We also see this in the Palace itself, once we find the remains of the Vampire that turned Cazador. You'll learn what that Vampire did to Cazador - and how it panned out. That is because once you'll turn your Spawn into Vampires, they automatically become your Enemy in the endless fight for control/power

Weakness (this includes mercy) will get you killed if you're a Vampire.

Abuse / Trauma is Cyclical, and a bitch

Astarion didn't just face 200 years of trauma, but as we know through various interactions, was mentally and physically tortured. We're talking about flaying, sensory deprevation, starvation, repeated verbal abuse. Now, victims of this kind of abuse always fault themselves for it, even if they rationally know it's not their fault. Especially if mental torture is involved, these words, bearing enough repetition, will convince you - regardless of your resolve.

That is a loss of control, victims of with often either get addicted to, or will try to avoid it at any cost neccessary. The first kind will often seek out the situation in which they have been abused and try to recreate (or exced) the risk involved, the second type - to which Astarion belongs in my opinion - seeks to gain control, even over trivial matters, as a way to ensure that their needs are met. Nobody has been nice to him in 200 years, and then came Tav... he doesn't understand why they are so kind to him, but it feels good to be seen as more than a toy, a prostitute, a monster, - all the things he sees himself as, still, even away from Cazador. If you break up with Astarion before freeing him, he'll actually say that he knew it wouldn't last simply because he has "nothing to offer Tav, except his burdens"

(snippet of exactly that, in german) Yes, Astarion presents himself as this self-obsessed, smug Guy but that is all a facade to hide how he actually feels; weak, pathetic, lonely, useless, at fault for his abuse.

He is utterly in "love" with Tav.

Remember, Tav is the first person to see Astarion as more than just an object but as a person, and, on top of that, a person deserving of love and affection, regardless of what he brought to the table.

This feels good. Now, again, with Vampires everything comes down to power, and he can't have Tav leave. In this mix of dark urges & new, relatively unexplored feelings his love for Tav turns into an Obsession; He will not let them leave.

I will refer to @morgana-ren who has this point flashed out way more, but in short - by turning Tav into Spawn Astarion essentially ensures that they can't be taken from him. Neither through (natural) death nor by her own will, should they find out that Astarion has in fact, turned into a monster.

paraphrased: "don't move too far away from me... but you wouldn't do that, right?"

If you break up with him after he ascended and bit you, he will laugh in your face and not allow you to leave. You're his, after all.

There you have it, an in-depth answer to this question.

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #non-witchy #baldurs gate #baldurs gate astarion #spoiler

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gwaedhannen · 5 months

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!!! celebrian in valinor fic!!! 👀👀👀

It probably won't be out for a while yet, since I still need to figure out what the heck I'm actually doing with it. Right now I just have pure angst. Which is fun! But I'd like to get to some healing eventually.

She cannot bear Gil-Galad, so altered by the release of his long burdens that she hardly recognizes his serenity. She cannot bear Celebrimbor, once her dearest friend, now forever overlaid by his dangling corpse and his accursed shackles binding her husband and her mother to his doom. She cannot bear noble grandmother Eärwen, who has never walked the far shore and known its inundating grief. She cannot bear kind grandfather Arafinwë, always with the correct words and actions to just for a moment, make her forget how marred she is. She cannot bear radiant uncle Finrod, for what are her scars against his? She cannot bear uncle Angaráto, nor aunt Eldalótë, nor cousin Orodreth, nor the absence where uncle Aegnor should be, for her story is of little note next to the tragedies and triumphs of their age. She cannot bear the dozens and hundreds of family, old friends, old acquaintances, well-wishers she has never known. “What a pity. What a pity. What a pity!” She doesn’t want to heal. She can’t heal. The scar tissue is all she is now, layer upon layer, down into the marrow. She should have stayed and persisted in that half-life among her true family. She should have faded into a memory of rain on silver glass. She should have laid herself down in Elladan’s gardens and let grief wash her to the Halls of Awaiting. She had to leave. She couldn’t let them bury her. Couldn’t let them see what she is. Queen of Ruination! Spoilt and turned, not even worth twisting into an orc. A footnote in a story nobody will ever read.

So it goes. Moping and wallowing in her deserved misery as the scars heal and start to fade. Until one day she looks up from the embroidery she is mangling and sees another footnote has seated herself across from her. “Hello, cousin,” says the once-Princess of Minas Tirith, of Nargothrond, of a sunken grave. “Gwindor and I have a third ticket to the Flinnrysc concert tonight. You’re coming along.”

Yes I know Celeborn has family too but shh, I'll think of how to integrate them later (and I'd need to come up with names for Galadhon and Galathil's wives).

#silmarillion #silm fic #tolkien #stormwritten #celebrian #provisional title is “may you rise to find the sun”#and there's an Elrond companion fic about his first year without her (which is even more WIP than this) (and will probably be even angstier #I'm sure “Flinnrysc” would make Tolkien roll in his grave #but if he didn't want me mixing languages from decades apart he should've invented more vocabulary #bonus points for whoever can figure out what it means (bonus bonus points for not using eldamo or elfdict)

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ndbookstudy · 8 months

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Master Of Self Realization - An Ultimate Understanding, Sri siddharameshwar maharaj, part 1 - ch. 9 (pg 126)

Self and non-self.

Anxiety accompanies desire. As long as the mind is full of desire, anxiety will be there. When desire ceases, anxiety is no more. While walking on the street many things are visible, yet we have no attachment to them. However, once the sense of “mine” is conceived, desire arises and one immediately becomes preoccupied with objects.

To feel that something is “mine” is itself bondage. What is truly ours in the physical body? For the body, the air that is inside goes out and the air outside comes in. What belongs to you in this process? In the area of about two feet around the body, there are continuous currents of air. One who can see minutely can be aware of this.

Many special days and festivals are coming and going, and you think that the things in the world are permanent and yours, but you do not see that you really exist prior to all of these objective things. When the perception of objects ends, the desire for the objects also ends, and it does not matter whether objects are existing or not. If you think that some little piece of earth is yours, you immediately become worldly. The mind when dwelling on the Self, is desireless, and when focusing on the physical body as “me” or “mine,” is full of desire.

Strange indeed, is this creation consisting of the five elements. The “One Being” that plays in all bodies is the “AllPervading Universal Self. Understand that “All is Brahman.” The example of the ring and the gold is commonly used. If you consider the ring as Gold, then only the Gold is seen as the substance, but if you look at it as a ring, it is considered as a separate object. Water is water, both in the ocean and the pitcher, but water in the pitcher is separate if you keep the pitcher separate, so do not keep it separate. Know that “All is Brahman.”

Consider all to be your friends, so that there is no duality or dislike in the mind. When you repeat the statement that “All is Brahman,” then why does your attitude not change accordingly? That is because your thinking is warped by the notions of virtue and vice, and you adopt a critical or dualistic attitude. One who pleases you is considered a good person, and the other you consider as bad. However, are there not many others who call that so-called “bad” person, as good? Moreover, to what extent are you yourself good? Are there not some people who take you to be a bad person? Even God is considered in terms of good or bad by many people.

The wise man says that since all are slaves of circumstances (living according to the destiny of the body), how can we differentiate between good and bad people. Circumstances have created the various castes such as carpenters and cobblers, etc. The labels of various occupations have made us think of people as separate. Otherwise, where is the distinction of castes, etc.? Nobody is bad or good. All bodies are subject to circumstances. The stages of childhood, youth, and old-age are there for everyone.

The young man will have not have a white moustache instead of a black one, while the old toothless man cannot gulp down morsels of hard food, etc. In short, do not ridicule others. All are subject to circumstances. One may keep long hair on the head, or wear a beard, it is all a matter of one’s preference. Why should you hate anyone because of such things? Consider the one who criticizes you, or blames you, as a kind person. Keep an open loving attitude towards those who give you a lot of trouble, and remain without enmity. Only then, will you be as Brahman.

Anxiety kills us very early. The one who worries dies with that worry, and hatred is a very heavy burden to bear. Vishwamitra, who was a bachelor and had done a great amount of spiritual practice, became ready even to murder when he went to kill the Sage Vasishtha out of envy and jealousy. It is said that the bag of saffron (a precious delicate tasting spice) become Asafoetida (a pungent spice with strong taste and odor), only because of being in its vicinity. When pride disappears, the thorn that irritates you drops away. Kill pride and then you will yourself become the “Divine Sage,” or “Brahmarishi.” Prostrate before him who hates you. If you decide that someone is bad, then you yourself become bad. One who has no enmity is himself Brahman. To quarrel indicates misunderstanding. The duality of differentiating between sense objects must end. Do not think in terms of hatred or enmity, or good and bad. It is only then that you become as Brahman. Have no enmity towards anyone.

#non dualism #nondualism #sri siddharameshwar maharaj

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thelampisaflashlight · 9 months

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Mixed Messages Pt. 3

[Swiss has thoughts. Not suitable for younger audiences. Previous part here.] Below the cut.

Growing up, Swiss knew little of his demonic nature; He knew his mother had come from somewhere far away, but, so, too, had his father in a sense, the man having abandoned one swamp for another in leaving behind the Pine Barrens and traveling south to the humid hell that is Florida.

It was not until he was much older, already having found his bearings in the musical world in his own right, that he learned the truth.

But knowing what he was did little to impact who he was... until it became clear it was something he had to hide.

The more true to yourself you can be, the freer you are, and Swiss found the burden of hiding such a big part of himself from the world akin to a prison cell.

Dating, already a nightmare, became even harder to navigate, because what would happen if he brought some girl back to his place and she found out he wasn't human?

What if they had kids and the baby came out looking like Beelzebub?

How would he explain that that was... normal?

"You looked like a perfectly normal baby." His mother had reminded him when he came to her, fretting over his identity, "Very fat though. Such a fat baby. With a very big head."

"Very reassuring, Mom."

"Hmm, you never did quite grow into it..."

"MOM-"

His father also tried to assuage his worries, but it was pretty clear he didn't quite understand what they were actually talking about, because...

"I'm just saying, it's okay if you like men. Heck, your old man-"

"Pop, I like women. I'm talking about my identity as a demon." Swiss had sighed, furrowing his brow when his father raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"Are you sure? That you don't like men?"

"I'm not gay, Pop."

"Bisexual?"

"I don't like men!"

"I didn't either, but your dad was a real babe back in the day!" his mother called from elsewhere in the house, "It was the moustache. That lovely thing is why you're here actually-"

"MOM!"

So yeah.

Not much help there.

And then he got scouted for the Ghost Project.

Honestly, that should have been where a lot of the confusion ended for him.

Finally surrounded by people who got it!

...But nobody could relate to the struggle of finding out about being a ghoul later in life, because all of them had been summoned, save for Mountain, but a dude who was alive when beekeeping was the new fun thing to do aside from churning butter and a guy who grew up in modern America have very little in common in terms of upbringing.

Still, it was better than nothing.

Mountain could fill in the blanks for him, at least to an extent.

Like how his magic worked, how to keep his tail under control, horn maintenance...

However.

"Who is that?"

There are some things Mountain could not help him with.

"That's Dewdrop."

And Dew was one of them.

Of course, there had been some resistance, on both ends, and, ultimately, Dew kept him at a distance.

At the time, Swiss wasn't sure where he stood in terms of his sexuality, and Dew...

Well, Dew had his own, figurative, demons to face.

But a small part of him still...

"You love him, don't you~?" Rain had teased while they cuddled one night, Swiss' face pressed again Rain's chest, "I see how you look at him."

Swiss had been embarrassed, perhaps even a bit ashamed to admit it, that, yes.

"...Yes, I love him." he confessed, "But I love you, too... Is that... is that weird?"

"I wouldn't say it's weird." Rain hummed, petting Swiss' hair, "It's different, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. You've got a big heart, and have a lot of love to give."

"Yeah, but, is it... Do you... Am I..."

"Honestly, I like him, too." Rain admitted, "I don't know if I love him just yet, not the way you do, but I could."

Swiss can recall lacing their fingers together while Rain spoke.

"We'll take it slow."

Well.

Well, well, well...

"What happened to taking it slow?" Swiss chuckled in Rain's ear as he cuddled closer to the reclining ghoul after Dew drifted to sleep between them, thoroughly exhausted.

"We're still taking it slow, just on an emotional level." Rain said, flicking Swiss' nose lightly, "Something tells me this..."

He trailed his hand down Swiss' arm and pressed a kiss to Dew's hair.

"This is the easy part." he sighed, "...You think he would let me dress him up?"

"Baby steps, love."

"Something nice and lacey..."

Dew glances over his shoulder at Rain as they're getting dressed after the show, hands hesitating as he gets to his pants.

He'd managed to shuck his pants and get the lower half of his uniform on before Rain had even made it to the dressing room earlier, the other ghoul having stopped by the one Swiss was sharing with Aeon before making his way over, but now there's no way to avoid him seeing.

Dew peeks at the soft lace hidden beneath the coarse fabric.

He... he hadn't been sure what to do with them after Rain let him borrow them.

You don't... you don't normally return underwear, right?

That had been his thinking when he initially took them off that night.

But, of course, it would be a shame to show them out, now wouldn't it?

They felt expensive.

And, well, if he didn't wear them, then that would be a waste of money, right?

All this to say... he hadn't packed nearly enough underwear for the trip, and while he could easily get more or risk using a hotel's laundry service the next time they stopped at one...

He just likes how they feel, okay?

They cup his junk nicely, and they breathe a lot better than his boxers do, and quite frankly they hug his ass in a way that makes his minimal behind look a bit more... plush.

He's never really cared about that sort of thing, but now that he knows this, it's become sort of a vanity thing for him.

He likes it.

The only problem is...

"Everything alright over there?" Rain asks, already tugging on his sneakers, "We have to leave for the bus soon."

"Yeah, yeah. Uh, how about you go ahead?" Dew waves him off, "I won't be long."

"I can wait." Rain says, sitting down on one of the uncomfortable folding chairs the venue tossed in the dressing room, "It's better if we walk back together anyway, that way nobody gets left behind. Buddy system, ya know?"

Dew swallows, "Yeah, sure."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"...Are you going to show me your panties or not?"

Swiss doesn't question it when Dew rushes the bus, haphazardly dressed, red in the face from thinking he'd miss it -not like they could leave without their lead guitarist- nor is he at all surprised to see Rain saunter in not but a moment later.

What he is surprised by, however, is the wadded up ball of black lace Rain casually presses into his hands as he leans in for a kiss.

"You can keep those."

Swiss lets the fabric unfold, "...Holy shit."

"I already told Dew he could borrow another pair." Rain shrugs, "I'm thinking something blue. Maybe I'll get you a matching set..."

#lamp writes #shitghosting #nameless ghouls #dewdrop ghoul #rain ghoul #swiss ghoul #swissraindrop #ghost band #the band ghost #ghost bc #ghost band fanfic #nameless ghoul shipping

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my-mt-heart · 8 months

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Where's Daryl?

This was very difficult to write. It opened up a lot of old wounds for me, so if you read this, thank you. If my thoughts on this show haven’t been your cup of tea, that’ll most definitely be the case here as well, so maybe just move along. ***Trigger warning for discussion of childhood abuse***

For about a year and a half, Caryl fans asked Where's Carol? as a pointed reminder that the spinoff was always meant to be hers just as much as it was Daryl’s. Even though she's back now, her fans didn't always know she would be (nor did the EP's 🙄) so her absence during filming and promotion of the first season was a heavy burden to bear. The irony is, though “Daryl Dixon” sticks out like a sore thumb in that ridiculous font, he's the one who feels absent sometimes, as if important parts of his character development were lost when he washed ashore while other parts come and go as the plot demands.

Zabel talks about swapping Daryl's iconic vest for "old man" suspenders as a matter of pragmaticism i.e. they were the only clean clothes available. Norman says it was a choice he wanted for some unclear reason, but neither of them seem to consider the intelligence of their audience, particularly Carylers, to see it more symbolically. The costume change is our visual reminder that Daryl isn't himself. In some scenes he's chattier than he should be, far more trusting of strangers with personal details, and far more theatrical. Then in others, the differences are even more alarming. He calls a child cruel names, puts his hands on him, and feels conflicted about returning home to his family, to the woman he said he loved.

I mentally prepared myself for retcons, but the one I'm struggling with a lot right now, which I haven't seen anyone bring up yet, is the retcon of Daryl’s childhood abuse. Daryl tells Isabelle that he and Merle had to take apart engines and if they couldn't put them back together, their dad wouldn't let them have dinner. It's a milder version of the stories the scars on his back tell us, though I can buy Daryl omitting the worst of it like he did in the pilot. What I can't buy is Daryl saying his dad was "hardly ever" around and emphasizing it as the main source of his pain growing up. It feels contradictory for one thing. When we see Daryl's scars for the first time in S3 of the flagship show, it's implied Daryl was trapped in an environment that enabled his dad to physically hurt him often. Presumably that's why Merle felt guilty about leaving him behind. The revelation also seems like it's only intended to highlight the consequences of an absent father figure, explaining Daryl's fear of not making it home, but also justifying his "close" bond with Laurent. The best stories allow a character's emotions to drive the plot, but this just does the opposite, twisting Daryl's backstory to fit the current narrative.

Daryl's backstory made so many people root for him in the first place. It allowed Carol to see him when nobody else in the group could. It helped me process my own childhood trauma. The ways I got to watch him overcome his violent past gave me hope that masculinity could mean more than what I grew up around—more than anger, shouting, and swinging fists. Daryl taught me that men could still be tender, kind, and loving even if those closest to them in their childhood never showed them how. I imagine Daryl's representation has been important to boys and men too, specifically to those who were afraid to speak up about their abuse because of the stigma around it. The implications of this scene may not be easily noticeable to some, but they are to me, and I'm deeply offended by it.

I’ve talked at length on this blog about how it takes a village to make or break a show, though it’s usually the showrunner who has to answer for it. I've already mentioned that I do blame Zabel. His knowledge of French history has no value when he obviously didn’t bother to study Daryl’s history aside from reading old scripts and (maybe) watching the first couple seasons. That's incredibly irresponsible and terrifying for S2. I also blame AMC for their short-sightedness and their determination to save face no matter how much it costs them. I blame Gimple for his pettiness. I blame Greg Nicotero for his insensitivity to Melissa and her fans.

As for Norman, he's hinted very loudly that he wants credit for the show being "different," so in theory he should be prepared to take some of the blame too. I can't name all of the decisions he specifically made, but no matter what they were, I can blame him for not speaking up about the shipbaiting, Daryl's wavering loyalty, and the childhood abuse retcon, all things that hurt his character and hurt the fans. I genuinely don't know what else to think other than Norman didn't give either the consideration they deserve. The show has been treated like nothing more than a vanity project, and it’s unfortunate when you think about what he and AMC had to gain from the original Caryl spinoff.

I love the version of Daryl I knew before this whole mess, I love Carol, and I love the relationship between them. I want them to have the story they deserve in S2. At the moment, I don’t know how to reconcile that with the agony I feel over the damages to half of my two favorite characters. If Carol is going to cross the Atlantic ocean to find Daryl, I want him to be the man who threatened to punch holes in all the boats so she couldn’t leave and the man who told her he loved her before—ironically—leaving himself. I need to hear Daryl admit he hasn't been completely honest with the French characters, not because he was afraid of getting too close to them, but because he didn't want to face the pain of potentially living without Carol and TF. I need to hear him say that he can't be Laurent's father, which is okay because the kid has plenty of other family to take care of him. I need to hear him say, out loud, that he could never love another woman romantically because he's already in love with Carol. That's what I need to feel better about this story. That's where my investment is. I feel like Carol is safe in Melissa's hands, but I don't feel like I have anyone to rely on for Daryl. That’s a big problem because their stories are so intertwined. There’s no Daryl without Carol nor Carol without Daryl. If you ruin one of them, you risk ruining both of them, and that’s a possibility I really can’t bear.

#caryl #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #darylneedscarol #the book of carol #twd caryl

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ownedbythescribe · 1 year

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Zhongli | In Beloved Memories

ıllı Synopsis: "Under this night sky I dance.…” Centuries after Guizhong's death, the Archon War, and Cataclysm, you opted to leave Liyue and travel the lands of Teyvat alone. Yet, nobody could escape the pull of fate. What awaits your pained soul as you return to Liyue once more?

ıllı Genre: Slight Angst, Fluff

ıllı Warnings: Character Death

ıllı Part 2: Zhongli - In Beloved Stars

ıllı A/N: This contains spoilers for 3.4 Lantern Rite event, and a Zhongli x Fem!Reader story. Happy Lantern Rite!

Longevity could be a blessing or a curse depending on a person’s perspective on life. One had the opportunity to see and enjoy the world to its fullness, while on the other hand, it would mean watching those that you love fall into eternal slumber. Two sides of the same coin that could be flipped with a flick of the hand. Happiness, sadness, regrets, and fulfillment could be felt in one lifetime. Truly, longevity was one burden to carry.

Born as an illuminated beast, you were fortunate to meet the God of Contracts and the adepti under him. You did not sign a contract to serve Liyue, but you were kind enough to help them in times of need. Whether it would be to help shape the land, teach humans agriculture and mechanics, or fight monsters that tried to seize Old Liyue. You met countless important figures because of these, and you treasured every memory to heart.

Before the Archon War, Morax invited you to some tea with his friends. It was not the first time that he wished for your presence, but this time was different. He wanted to introduce two of the people, an adeptus and a goddess, who were of the same interest as you. The curiosity to meet them overpowered your shy nature, so bearing gifts and wearing a beautiful yet convenient hanfu, you went to the said location.

Upon landing on the lake of Mt. Aocang, you glanced around to look for a familiar silhouette. A series of footsteps to the right caught your attention, and you saw Morax in all his glory. The God of Contracts was, indeed, a handsome man that even you were not immune to his charms, but at this point, it was more of a seedling yet to blossom.

“(Y/N), you’ve finally arrived. I take that your journey here was smooth sailing?” He asked. You gave him a nod before materializing the food that you brought for your get-together. It consisted of Bamboo Shoot Soup, Qingce Stir Fry, Minty Meat Rolls, Lotus Crisps, and Padisarah Pudding which you learned from Sumeru. You heard a gasp from behind Morax and noticed a small figure with sleeves covering her lips. There was a noticeable glint in her eyes as she stared at the pudding. It made you lightly laugh at how adorable she looked.

“You will love the Padisarah Pudding. I’m sure that none of you have gone to visit Sumeru, so I brought one dish here that I enjoyed there. I am (Y/N), may I know your name?” You politely asked. The figure stepped from behind the tall male and gave you a closed-eye smile.

“Guizhong, my name is Guizhong. It is nice to finally meet you, (Y/N)!” She grinned, taking your hands in hers. Morax coughed out loud, making you two look at him in confusion. He sighed and stepped aside to show another person (or rather adepti in this case). He introduced her as Streetward Rambler whom you could call Ping.

Meeting the two was such a delight. Their brilliant minds allowed your creativity to rise and take hold. This gathering was the start of a bright friendship that you all cherished for life.

“Guizhong? Ah… I see you’re still on the design of the ballista. Have you put thought on who could utilize it?” You inquired, finding an empty seat by the goddess’ workshop.

Guizhong paused on her drafting, giving your question a thought. It was you who showed Streetward Rambler, Cloud Retainer, and her the resolve of humans, and she thought that if ever problems arose and they were put in danger, they should be able to use it. She gladly told you that its function will mostly be used by the adepti for now. As soon as it has been tested to be effective, then she will make it accessible to humans.

“And I already have a name for this wonderful one, (Y/N). It’s Obscuro Vulpes.” She proudly stated. Dark foxes, the name must have been derived from the little creatures you two found below the mountains. She was always curious about everything around her, and nature had been her friend for as long as she could remember.

“How about you, (Y/N), have you finished the idea that you presented to me last week!? I am looking forward to the finished product!” She piped. You nodded and materialized the scrolls containing your idea. It was simply a large-scale telescope that could be adjusted through plausterite minerals. This way, even humans will be able to watch out for enemies from afar. Aside from that, you also devised other mechanisms derived from the technologies in Sumeru. Their technologies far surpassed the current ones and had the similarity to that of the godless nation. It was amazing how their minds worked in different ways than yours.

“Oh my! If we can partner this with my mechanism, it will be easier to deal with large monsters. Even humans will be able to spot their weak spots through this!” Guizhong marveled. You nodded, also amenable to the suggestion. As she gushed about the joint project you two could have, you pondered upon the possibility of creating a similar device to that of the God of Woods. It was merely a glimpse that you saw, but it served as a treasure box that intrigued you.

“Guizhong, I actually have something to tell you.”

Days later, Guizhong and Cloud Retainer posed their creations to Morax. The God of Contracts analyzed each device and deemed the Goddess of Dust’s creation as superior. Cloud Retainer was a bit bitter, but she could not help her amazement as well. As for you, you preferred not to participate in their little games. It was much amusing just watching from the sides.

“Hmm? Ohhh, Ping? That guqin, may I hear you play it?” You asked, sitting beside her as the other three continued to discuss what could be improved with the ballista.

“You’re not going to join them?” She asked, strumming the strings of the instrument lightly. You shook your head and told her that you were contented watching them bicker.

“You’re a peculiar one, (Y/N). A passive immortal, who could pass off as a god, yet you desire only to enjoy the world.” She uttered. It was a first for somebody to voice their opinions on you. Morax would do so too when the atmosphere was jovial, but never like how Ping did it.

“Hmmm, it might be because this world has a lot to offer that I’m overjoyed watching everything unfold. I don’t find delight in lives lost, but I learned from a friend that sometimes, we have to appreciate the smallest things like humans do. Although they can get distracted by selfish desires, they have their moments.” You replied, allowing your power to manifest and create silver leaves. It flowed before riding the wind, letting it take wherever its destination might be.

Ping smiled at the musings, finally striking the first note. Her music brought shivers to your body and you swayed to its beauty. What you did not notice was Morax’s eyes on your smiling figure. He, too, did not harbor feelings yet, but the sight of you enjoying his friend’s music was mesmerizing. The wind gently blew your strands, and the silver leaves circled you like sakura blossoms of Inazuma.

“Beautiful… (Y/N) is truly beautiful.” Guizhong whispered. She was captivated by the scene in front of her.

“Truly, another memory to be cherished.” He patted her head.

Months had gone by, and your days were filled with combinations of joys and sorrows. As strange as it might have been to others, you spent most of your time in the human realm. Guizhong and Morax would often join you in their own forms, while the others remained in their abode. As for Ping, you only had twice the chance to drag her to join you in mingling with humans. However, those days were also filled with sorrow as you encountered lovely humans who received early deaths. It was tragic as you could feel the loneliness and regrets lingering whenever there was a funeral. Parting and moving on was always difficult.

“If that is so, how will we, the adepti, move on properly when we carry each memory like gold?” You thought out loud, curling up your knees to your chest as you watch Guizhong and Morax from afar. The sea of glaze lilies engulfed their figures, and you were not going to lie. At that time, they looked good together.

‘Harboring such feelings for a friend, really? Seems a bit foolish for somebody like me, yet I continue to indulge. Guizhong, you truly are lucky.’ The selfish desire flickered but was extinguished the moment they turned to you, holding out their hands for you to join.

‘Yes, my love for these two is greater than any selfish desire for a relationship.’ You thought.

Life continued as it is. You visited places to gain inspiration on what could be created to improve Liyue’s living conditions. The trust built upon years of banter and battles strengthened your relationship with your companions. Such a time came when Guizhong wished to create simple melodies through her mechanisms, a simple and innocent desire so one would say. However, Streetward Rambler believed music to be an expression of the soul. There had been debates going on between these two, and from what you’ve read, Morax confiscated the bell for ceremonial uses.

“These two, really. However, I am glad that they are all doing well. I can’t wait to get home and show them the fruits of my travels.” You voiced. It had been months since you last saw them, and only through letters sent using adepti arts could you contact them. It was truly dejecting how you had been invited by a friend to Fontaine for ‘old times sake’ purposes when in reality, it was to ask for your wisdom when it came through engineering.

Sadly, it was also during your travels that the Archon War began. Many lives were lost to time, and you feared for your friends’ lives. As quickly as you could, you traversed the entirety of Fontaine to get to Liyue. There was too much bloodshed on the land. Villages were destroyed, and your help only posed minimal help. Luckily, several adepti were ready to lend their aid. Whatever psychotic idea Celestia had for pitting gods against each other proved to be disastrous and inhumane.

“Where are they? They… can’t be that far right?” You huffed, tired of pushing yourself to the limit. Remembering one certain place, you pushed your legs to speed up and jump over ridges of rocks.

“Wait, is that them?” You squinted hard to see what was happening, only to see the yakshas sealing somebody. It was a familiar figure. The way she hugged her legs, and the scent of glaze lilies and blood in the air signaled who it was.

‘Gui…zhong? T-That can’t be right. You’re not really dead, right?!’ The dark thoughts that you desperately kept at bay froze you in place. One of the people you cherished succumbed to eternal slumber, possibly at the hands of a cruel god. Her struggles to defend and protect were not rewarded.

“Why…? You promised that we will have more Padisarah puddings when I come home. Guizhong? Guizhong! Guizhong!” You shouted, tears finally falling in an attempt to reach her. However, your hand was pulled back by the God of Contracts. He did not shed a tear, he remained fierce. It pained you.

“Morax, why do you not shed tears!? She’s gone! I wanted to spend more time with her. What is this cruel game!?” You asked. Morax could only shake his head. He, too, felt immense pain at the passing of a dear beloved, but the war was still ongoing. There was no time to grief just yet.

“She sacrificed herself because she loved her people. Her wishes will be honored, so let us go after this and continue the battle.” He ordered. The adepti gave a series of solemn agreements. However, you were irrational at this point and thought that it was too heartless not to grieve even for just a moment.

‘I’m in so much pain, but I will do my job and protect Liyue in your stead.’ You watched them complete the sealing, leaving only four items as her memento: the cleansing bell, the ballista, the Memory of Dust, and the ankle bracelet that you gave her as a token before you left.

Right after, you turned to Morax and bid your goodbye. It was too painful to be with them, so you opted to go far. You gave them a promise thought that wherever you may be, you will do your part in protecting Liyue. Morax wanted to argue and have you stay by his side, but your mind was already determined.

‘Stay safe. Please come back to me.’ He thought.

That was centuries ago. After Guizhong’s death, the establishment of the Seven Archons, and the bloody war with Khaenri’ah, you opted to leave and travel alone once more. Each nation changed in response to the cruel fate given by Teyvat and Celestia. The cycle of happiness and sorrow continued. You found it especially hard to move on. Not only did you lost a friend, you also lost a budding relationship.

“Under this night sky, I dance. The sorrows that dwell slightly perish. And flowers beneath shall grow in moonlight.” You voiced, walking through the waters of Sumeru. The Nilotpala Lotuses were luminous tonight, and the wind called you for a little dance.

Although Sumeru brought you great comfort, you wished to return to Liyue once again, so you grabbed your belongings and traveled to Guili Plains. It was only right to visit her.

It took hours to get there, and its beauty remained. It was such a shame that the sea of glaze lilies that covered the area was now drifting in the wind of the past. The magnificent sight would have brought you closer to her soul, but you knew that she was far gone. So in return, you let the wind chime and danced with it.

Nighttime travelers and patrols were surprised to see somebody dancing above the lake. You paid them no mind, eager to release what you had been holding in your heart, the regret of nothing being there. It went on for days, a nightly routine you might say, while you stayed in Guili Plains before moving again.

“I hope you liked it, Guizhong.” You whispered, ending the song with an elegant turn. Suddenly, a clap resonated behind you, causing you to let out a startled noise. An old woman standing behind you, but her aura said otherwise of the claim.

“You… Your aura reminds me of a dear friend. Ping, is that you?” You questioned. She softly smiled and nodded. Tears gathered in your eyes as you rushed toward her for a tight hug. She equally gave you one, missing an old friend who left to defend people on her own.

“I’m glad you’re back to Liyue, (Y/N). You’re alive, safe, and breathing. I’m most grateful.” She whispered, gently caressing your head as a grandmother would. A smile bloomed in your face as you nuzzled further into her chest.

It felt like time has paused for a minute, but you knew that there was no such thing. Gently pulling away, you asked her why she had taken the form of an old woman. Her answer made you understand her deep love for their departed friend.

With a smile, you left your post and told her that you will commemorate such a reunion with song and dance, a delight you learned from Mondstadt. You brought forth your power and activated your adepti arts, letting the wind chime once more. Soon, you fell into step with the sound, each turn and dip of the body showing elegance. It etched into the Streetward Rambler’s mind how it mirrored their past, the emotions conveyed making her tear up.

Once you were done, you materialized a stone table where you two sat down for tea. Ping talked about what happened years after you left Liyue. What intrigued you were the disciples they took and that a traveler had come to aid Liyue when Morax fell. This caused you to worry.

“What do you mean, Ping?” There was evident fear in your tone as well. The old woman lightly laughed and assured you that Morax simply left divinity in hopes of wishing to enjoy mortal life. You let out a sigh and thanked her.

There were more stories shared between you two, but Ping wanted to ask one question. She turned to you who had been rambling about Fontaine’s expensive alcohol.

“Will you be staying here in Liyue, (Y/N)? Finally allowing yourself to rest and maybe, interact with him? He missed you just as much as we did. More so, we see him visiting the Luhua Pool more often. Isn’t that where you and Guizhong would go play after tinkering with your devices?” She urged. There was silence permeating through the air before you broke it, shifting your skirt to face the warm sunset.

“I haven’t… moved on completely. It still hurt, but I know that we all are suffering great losses after the Archon War and other battles called by Celestia. Unnecessary deaths could have been prevented, but the loom of fate stands as it is. Maybe soon, but not yet today. Just not yet.” You whispered the last part to yourself. There was still one more thing left to do.

“I see. How about you join this year’s Lantern Rite? I surmised that you have yet to truly experience it with your own eyes. The harbor welcomes any guests from afar, don’t worry.” Ping assured, seeing the unsure look on your face. You were about to answer when you felt another familiar swish in the wind. Immediately, you dodged and jumped up, landing perfectly on still waters.

A young man, wearing a demon mask, stood in front of Ping and pointed his spear at you. You were about to complain when you squinted hard to analyze the new person. It was Xiao, the youngest yaksha adopted.

“Ohh, Xiao! It’s been years! Have you been well?” You jovially asked. He was confused for a second until Ping ordered him to put his weapon away and relax. She told him to focus his energy on you to recognize the familiarity you exude.

Doing as told, he put off his mask and concentrated. It was indeed familiar, it resembled that of the eccentric immortal that would be seen with the God of Contracts. He recalled your name and carefully uttered it out loud to which you grinned. Swiftly, you dragged him down for tea to bother him with how he was doing. He was hesitant but still spoke of the truth. You heard that he accumulated karmic debts that would often torment him at night, but he assured you that he was taking medicine to push it off.

“I see. This may not be that much help, but I hope you’ll be able to take it. I made this device back then for Inazuma, but it could only function at a smaller perimeter. I’d claim that it can help with what you have, but you have to see it for yourself. Please, don’t be shy and take it.” You urged, giving him the device that floated in the air. It gave off warmth that made him crave it. Having no issues, he took it before telling you two to be safe as he will be going out for patrol.

“Ever the hardworking yaksha. Hmmm? Are you curious about that, Ping? It’s merely a device that could erase the ‘karmic debt’ little by little. I reckon that what he is suffering from was similar to that of god’s residue, so I invented this one. It‘s not extremely effective as it takes time to dilute the residue to elemental particles, but it should ease the bindings.” You explained. Ping was amazed by such a creation, and truly, the brilliant mind you have will take you places. However, she knew you were kind and humble enough not to abuse anything in your hand.

“Ping, I actually have a favor to ask.”

It was almost nighttime when you arrived at the harbor. They were already preparing for the festival, and it warned your heart to see children playing around. Liyue was now home to these people. They will cherish and defend it as much as you all did back then. Now, it was time to leave it to them.

You sighed in contentment before scanning the crowd. You were in for a specific shade of brown that Ping mentioned. After watching people pass by, you finally saw him. Morax—Rather, Zhongli was there, sitting around a table and drinking his tea. The storyteller was enacting bygone stories that seemed exaggerated for mere entertainment to the point that it was amusing. It did look like he was integrating well into human society.

“Zhongli! Hey there! Didn’t expect to see you here.” You saw him conversing with people, and you were happy enough to see him. Now, it was time to enjoy Lantern Rite on your own, but before that, you wished to give him a small gift.

“Happy Lantern Rite, Morax.” A translucent teal feather slowly landed in front of him once he was alone. His eyes widened at the sight before a genuine smile made its way to his eyes.

“You’re… safe and well. I’m glad. Truly happy to feel your presence again. I shall wait until you’re ready to face the future again.” Zhongli whispered to himself, hopeful for a lovely reunion with you.

Please do not copy or repost my stories, but notes and reblogs are always appreciated!

#genshin impact #zhongli #zhongli x reader #slight angst #fluff #lantern rite

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fatuismooches · 9 months

Note

SMOOOCHES!!! Hii cutie!!໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

So we all agree fragile!reader was in a coma for centuries, right? And obviously time waits for nobody. And that included Zandik. So when you do wake up, you realize he’s changed, both physically and mentally. Sure there’s still some remnant of the same grumpy Zandik you knew back in the Akademiya. But it’s almost like you don’t recognize your own lover…there’s just so much angst potential with this idea 😭 because you missed out on so much precious time with him and now he’s more mature. While you’re just stuck being the same old you. I’m sure fragile!reader definitely cries at night blaming themselves for their illness (I know you already wrote a fanfic like this where the clones catch fragile!reader crying !!) and for missing so much precious time with their only loved one. :( but I hope you’re well!! I love u sm I’m sorry if I’m a little inactive brainrots are being slow ;; but I love you so much!!

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon ౨ৎ

HI 🎐 ANON!! MY LOVE 🥰🥰 I am doing well, just a bit stressed with school but I've expected that 😅 And don't worry about it, just take care of yourself, I'll happily wait however long for your brainrots or whenever you want to pop in ❤️ Love u more!!

AND GOD THIS JUST MADE ME WAY MORE SAD 😭 I didn’t even intend for that brainrot to be angsty but OMG… I LOVE THIS. Fragile reader would be so confused for a bit as to why their Zandik wasn't all annoyed and scowling like he used to be. He doesn't seem to be bothered much by your hassling anymore... simply letting out a low laugh. He doesn't get all irritated at physical touch anymore, which is nice of course, but among other things... he's so different. He's so confident as if nothing could ever go wrong with his plans. Nothing fazes him. What did he go through without you, you wonder.

You didn’t expect to be hit with so many insecurities this quickly. You should be grateful to be awake now! And you have such a wonderful lover and his clones! But you can’t help but feel the opposite sometimes… When you look in the mirror, you don’t see the person deserving of Zandik anymore. You see someone weaker, tired, not as good… but Zandik’s smarter, stronger, to the point of Gods all without you… he’s so handsome, mature… he’s made all these achievements while you’ve done nothing for the past hundreds of years. What could you ever have to offer, to someone like him? How could he even love you? You're like a burden... you're not even the same person from the Akademiya, you've gotten worse.

The angst has been hitting me so good lately. Me is thinking about Dottore noticing you becoming more and more distant from him as the days go by. You don’t come to bother him in his office anymore… he didn’t realize how much he became used to you sitting in his lap. You've stopped fighting about wanting to leave the lab to explore the outside world. You don’t even leave your room much anymore, and you keep it locked unlike before. The other clones and Zandy especially miss you… sometimes it’s hard for you to muster up a smile even for the child. You even start to shy away from physical affection, something you’ve always begged for. He doesn’t like that. In fact, he hates it. Despises it. More than failed experiments or inaccurate results and data.

But what could the Doctor do? He doesn't think he can "comfort" you, he's not sure if he has the capacity for that. He knows you have in the past, multiple times, although he got annoyed in the beginning, as he mistook it for pity and didn't believe you were trying to "care" for him... but that was just in your nature. His nature, however, is far different. Though, he's going to have to try something if he doesn't want to lose you.

#smooches talks #🎐 anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #why does school put me in an angsty mood... bye #smooches loves her hurt/comfort fics #regardless... 🎐 anon i hope you're doing good ❤️ make sure to rest and stay hydrated ❤️

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pilot-boi · 1 year

Note

.... What if Jaune doesn't return to Remnant with them?

I’m not even joking, keep sending me these what ifs and I’ll keep writing them. I’m not even joking, keep them coming

————

Escape from the Ever After is very possible, if ringing with the sort of convoluted complications that have become commonplace in this fairy tale land. Everything in this world comes with a price. Get back your arm for the price of knowing what it feels like to be loved. Win this chess match while using your family as pieces.

Let go of your trauma by letting go of yourself.

And leaving this place seems to be no different.

People can leave the Ever After if they know how, but only if someone stays behind to hold the door closed and keep the denizens of this fairy tale from reaching Remnant. For the safety of humanity and the Faunus, the characters must not be allowed to escape. And for the safety of the characters themselves, unused to facing the harsh world of reality that none of them have ever known.

It’s because of this that Alyx was never truly allowed to leave, since she fell alone. She had nobody who cared for her enough to stay behind, and thus she became trapped in a story.

Holding the door closed herself and protecting a world she’d never get to see again.

Team RWBY has made hard decisions in the past. Some very recently in Atlas, both good and bad.

But none of those were quite as hard as this.

Because who should stay behind?

Who should be prevented forever from seeing their family? Who should stay behind to fight into futility against an enemy that would never tire, who would pull and strain at their sanity until there was nothing left? Who should be chosen to leave behind the fight for Remnant, never knowing if their friends and family still live?

The girls all offer instantly.

True Huntresses would know there isn’t any other choice to make, and RWBY are truer Huntresses than any that have walked this planet.

Their voices raise, arguing and begging the others to let them bear this burden. Debating the pros of them staying, and the cons of the others.

Ruby, you’re the face of the hope against Salem. You’re the youngest and the most hurt, our leader. You have to return to Remnant, we can’t let you carry this burden like you’ve carried all the others.

Weiss, there’s so much you still have to do. Without your dad you all can finally heal and grow together. Atlas may be gone, but you have to return so you can build it back even better than before.

Blake, your family is waiting for you. You’re finally free of Adam and can reform the White Fang. A generation of Faunus are ready to follow you, please return to them and lead them the way we all know you can.

Yang, you’ve been strong for so long. You’ve protected us and been the rock we need in times of hardship. You fell first, sacrificing yourself for Ruby. No let one of us be the strong one instead.

They’re crying, they’re yelling, they’re begging each other to let them do this. Ruby’s eyes are flashing silver, Blake’s ears are pinned back. Yang’s eyes are teary and red, and Weiss’s fists are clenched.

“It has to be me.”

The argument peters off a moment after the interjection.

Jaune speaks quietly, separated from the others. A helmet that is his and isn’t tucked under his arm. His armor is rusted and scratched and it’s like a weight around his shoulders.

But he’s smiling, eyes clear of the fog that had clouded them. His hand is playing with the red sash at his side.

“You’re all the ones who matter.”

#rwby #ruby rose #yang xiao long #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #jaune arc #mine #my writing #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 9 #anonymous #asks

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mcflymemes · 1 year

Text

AS SAID BY FENRIS * assorted dialogue from dragon age ii

you should really post some guards outside, considering all the trouble you get into.

always a pleasure.

how much do you wish to test that luck of yours?

it seems you have won the day. well done.

why must you go on about this?

i can do that, if you wish.

i am alone.

is this going anywhere?

do you want to guess what color my underclothes are again?

you’re squandering something you don’t understand.

you do not like your name?

i felt like a fool. i thought it better if you hated me.

nobody asks for their fate.

oh. that. it’s... a talent.

it was better than anything i could have dreamed.

do not make light of this. leaving was the hardest thing i’ve ever done.

whatever you need, i am ready to assist.

the true character of any city is found among its poor.

i enjoy following you.

i didn’t come here to burden you further.

we have never discussed what happened between us three years ago.

is there no one else who has your attention?

you wound my pride with such accusations.

break their heart, and i will kill you.

you keep staring at me. is it my eyes again?

you are more naive than i thought.

did i hear correctly?

that is my hope as well.

i don’t want your pity.

i needed to be alone.

that night... i remember your touch as if it were yesterday.

i shouldn’t trouble you with this. my problems are not yours.

how is it you get into these situations so often?

you did the right thing. many would turn a blind eye.

you do not want to know the answer to that.

i don’t know. it’s just something people say.

you have an entire story written in your head already, don’t you?

a shame that you are going to die, no?

i should have asked for your forgiveness long ago. i hope you can forgive me now.

from what i gather, you like a lot of things.

you wish to do this here? in front of everyone?

i’ve never spoken about what happened to anyone.

why are you watching me like that?

i remain at your side.

i may not get a chance to say this again.

nothing could be worse than living without you.

thank you for asking me to come along.

perhaps this is what it means to have a friend.

i suggest keeping your distance.

if there is a future to be had, i will walk gladly into it at your side.

we need to stop and rest when we’ve a moment.

this ground is cursed. only wretched or ignorant souls would linger here.

i cannot imagine what it must be like to lose your family. anything i could say would be insufficient. i’m sorry.

i have never allowed anyone too close.

forget i said anything.

meeting you was the most important thing that ever happened to me.

it’s so wonderful having my personal business as someone else’s sport.

well... at least i’m not dead.

you were never ordered to kill?

does it bother you? should i stop?

promise me you won’t die.

do not bare your heart to me, unless you would have me rip it out.

is that a compliment of an insult?

do you intend to go after me, then?

it is always good to be at your side.

thanks for getting rid of them.

i imagine you imprisoned them?

you have my thanks.

i am yours, as always.

the smug sense of superiority does give you away.

you caught them, then?

there you are. were you hurt? what happened?

i can’t bear the thought of living without you.

i don’t know what to say, but i’m here.

surely you can’t hope to best me.

i am yours.

we should move on.

i could ask you the same thing.

i just... am pleased to see you, that’s all.

you are looking for forgiveness, but i’m not the one who can give it to you.

they say death is only a journey. does that help?

i stand ready.

shall we end this quickly?

another battle is upon us.

you frightened me.

to be honest, i see no point in filling these moments with empty talk.

my wounds need attention.

before we found you, there was a moment when i... don’t do that again.

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sansxfuckyou · 1 year

Text

Pain keeps setting in deeper

Summary: It's the middle of a fight he shouldn't be breaking down, nobody gave him permission, he shouldn't even be here

Warnings: Violence, minor blood, break downs, bittersweetness (good friend on Ao3 said so at least), open ending

Authors Note: I WANTED TO POST THIS YESTERDAY BUT I HAD ALREADY HIT POST LIMIT, so yeah, anyways have a kross fanfic, I'm not sure anyone will actually see it, but if ya do, a reblog always does wonders for the writing motivation, hope you enjoy todays ruination of the boy!

---

Cross was ready to scream, Cross was ready to sob, Cross was ready to submit.

But he refused.

(It was really Chara but it was him because who else could it be?)

Hands pressed firmly to his skull he crumbled to the ground, everything raged on around him, he wasn't worth the world stopping and he knew that. His eyes were stuck on the white ground, his vision was starting to blur, his soul was starting to ache. This was too much, he's mortal, he shouldn't be here, this isn't a fight for mortals to bear witness too, but here he is. Him, and his teammates, all of which are painfully mortal, it's like Nightmare forgot he's the only one who'll survive until he's forgotten.

He's bleeding out on the floor of the anti-void and no one cares. He can see his marrow pool around him but he knows he won't die because Chara isn't ready to go yet. He knows that no matter how fast he loses blood or how long the air is pressed from his chest he will survive even though he's mortal. He shouldn't be here, he should be at home, but ha, home is long gone, he migrates now, but he has nowhere to return to.

Dream collides with him, knocking a crack into his humerus and Cross can't even muster a sound. All he can do is let the tears fall faster as he hands drop into the thin layer of marrow surrounding him (it's seeping into his clothing, an ugly purple). Then he's falling, he doesn't even catch the transition as he falls into a searing heat- arms wrap around him and then they're in snow. Arms are still latching onto him tightly and a warmth soaks into his spine- his breathing tries to even but only stalls.

"Criss-Cross," Killer spoke gently, his voice a dulcet guide in the chaos of Crosses mind.

Cross froze up, of course it was Killer, of course it had to be Killer who gets him out of there, "yeah?" His voice is a quaking sob he tried to quiet for the sake of his dignity.

"You don't have to come on missions all the time, you know that right?" Killer slowly loosened his grasp on Crosses midsection, the shake in his monochromatic counterpart resumed even strong than before.

"Then," a painful, stifled sob, "then how come you guys are always going on missions?" Cross shifted himself off of Killer and into the snow.

"Oh baby," pain laces Killers voice, of course Cross didn't know, of course he didn't know he could take a break, "whenever Nightmare sends us out on duo missions instead that's because someone needs to stay home," Killer props himself upright, "wanna talk about anything Criss-Cross?"

Cross doesn't know what to say, all he does is try to sit up and keep his posture straight, Cross nods, then shakes his head, he nods again, "I don't know- I know! It's not an answer! I know," once again light sobs overlay his voice as he cries out into the darkness of Snowdins forest.

Killer placed a hand on Crosses back and gently rubbed circles, "it's plenty of an answer," Cross smiles a bit.

"It's not- not for a mortal at least," a hint of laughter is on his voice as he speaks, he brings up a hand to shove aside the tears sliding down his skull- purple sinks into his white clothing like a stain.

Killer doesn't speak.

"None of us should be out there fighting that fight, that's a fight for gods, but here we are, mortals with the burdens of immortals- we should be dead Killer, but we aren't," Cross doesn't even know what he's saying, he just knows it's lifting some sort of weight off of him and right now that's all that really matters, "I don't want to fight this fight, I just want to die already, like I was supposed to if it weren't for Chara- I want to go home," Cross is gripping his humeri as he speaks in a cracked and raw voice, tears he just wiped away replenish themselves twice as fast and his form shakes with sobs.

"You know what they say," Killer almost smirks as he speaks, "home is where the heart is," Cross looks up to find Killer with outstretched arms, "please?"

Cross collapses into the touch with ease, he relishes in the warmth Killer emanates, he revels in how much comfort he can draw from such a simple action. He's glad to have something to touch as he sobs, something to anchor himself as he let's go, something to keep him real even if only for a moment. He doesn't want to let go of this moment, of this touch, of this intimacy- the way he's being held and it's not by the collar of his shirt or his ankles.

All he can is want it to never end even though he knows it has too soon enough.

#undertale #undertale au #xtale sans #killer sans #kross ship #killer x cross #cross x killer #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fic #fan fiction #tw panic attack #tw crying #he is so fucked up #oneshot

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a-teacup-of-golden-cracks · 8 months

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tw this is a trauma post but it's also a narrative I'm proud of. Suicide and self harm (mental and physical) will be mentioned.

To help those who aren't me understand, I think in part in references since it is both easier and more fun than creating original thoughts.

(1): reference to the videogame Omori

(2): reference to the movie The Dark Knight (take a guess as to why I like and relate to the joker)

(3): reference to a song I like (in order, HOPE by NF, Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park, Love the Subhuman Self by AISHA, Arc System Works, and Jamison Boaz)

(4): a random saying I heard and enjoyed

“No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes. No one knows what it's like to be hated, to be fated to telling only lies”

“Behind blue eyes” by The Who

Welcome to the nonsensical abyss of my mind, you've been here as long as you can remember (1). By reading this you're getting to see my thoughts without translation. Nothing here makes sense to anyone except me, I make references others rarely understand. But allow me to tell the story of how what you see now came to be. You wanna know how I got these scars (2)? “I spent years of my life holdin’ on to things I never should've kept, full of hatred, years of my life wishin I was someone different looking for some validation.” (3)

Middle school was a special sort of subtle hell for me, it stole things without me noticing. First it was my feeling of impervious safety when a kid laughed at a genuine heartfelt remark I made. Then it was my trust that friends would never betray me and always respect me when they wouldn't stop making jokes at my expense. Slowly, steadily I descended into paranoia and loneliness, and thus my contentedness with life was stolen. The ax forgets yet the tree never does(4).

A secret hidden issue that I only found out this year was that the ADHD meds I needed to take to function may have been causing the paranoia to start with. I still don't know how to feel about that, that all my issues and trauma might stem from something that's not even real.

Once I started high school it became more and more apparent that nobody liked me. At least not for very long. I never learned to function in middle school so I was still struggling with what everyone else already knew and mastered. Giving a compliment and sexual harassment, would you like to know the difference? I would've but nobody told me until after I'd been punished.

Intent vs impact, I never intended to hurt anyone yet my impact was that I did more often than not. So I cut off the things that hurt people, removed them from my mind. Who needs humor? Not me if I can't use it right. Who needs to give compliments? Not me if I can't say it right. Who needs to hug people to show affection because it's your primary love language and you want to show everyone how much you like and appreciate them? …… not me…. if I must…. to not hurt them…

You see where my inner pain starts now? Where the scars in my mind begin? There were two things I could never bear to cut and slice away, my name and my kindness. Most trans people change their names to align more with their gender but I decided no. I am done changing things for other people to accept me more, they never do. My name is Daniel and it's the sum of my entire being. If I am non-binary, or a woman, or some eldritch horror that everyone fears and that has lost every shred of humanity because of the things I've endured, then my name represents all of that. It's not my issue if people make a poor assumption about my name because of what they think it should be.

Maybe I don't even want to be human anymore if all that humans have shown me is hate. All throughout high school it was nothing but hate or dislike shown to me, barely any kindness outside of my family. So I isolated myself from everyone, to avoid those who hated and to not burden my family with my issues. I'd handle it by myself like I always had in the past and I'd be ok.

I was not ok.

I was rageful. I was tearing myself apart more and more and more internally, only my desire to never hurt anyone kept me from tearing the school down brick by brick with all the students inside it. But maybe… could it be I was the exception and the problem? Could it be I'm the one who deserves to hurt for the pain I've caused? Should I hurt myself? And so I tried once, a good solid punch to the forehead that didn't make me feel any better and never tried again.

The pain I deserved wasn't physical, it was mental and so I gave myself infinite mental pain. What an idiot I was for giving that compliment when clearly in retrospect it was sexual harassment, what a dumbass I was for saying that joke, looking back I deserve to lose my entire friend group over it. Maybe I'd be better off if I didn't exist anymore if I caused more harm than good and could never seem to learn or improve. The thoughts I had then… and sometimes still now… it's so hard to remember that looking into the past makes everything obvious in the worst ways possible…

But there was a light eventually, someone who told me all that was wrong. Someone I met online and will never see in person, someone I messed up horribly with and yet she still forgave me. Thank you infinitely June. You showed me that monsters can be good.

So I steeled my resolve and used my rage at myself to look inward and outward and found that I was being mistreated and misunderstood. I shouldn't kill myself to not exist or hurt people because I would improve and I could make others improve. So I stood at the very last meeting in front of the whole school and spoke the truth of my mind with as much respect and rage as I could muster. So much pain and anger and hate and sadness I'd endured and I showed all of it to the entire high school of 300 people.

I've never felt more satisfied in my life than when the headmaster of the school himself asked if there was anything he could do for me and I said no. I've never felt more proud when I met with him two days later and asked for a neurodivergent support group to be created for the middle and high school, and he said yes. Half a year later my brother told me that the headmaster stuck to his word and did more than I asked. I never felt more vindicated than when I was told by my only friend that he'd heard people making school shooter jokes after I stood up and told my story.

And so I started to heal. My humor, I did need that. How could I be happy if I could never make myself laugh? My desire to give joy and be kind, I needed that. How could I not fulfill the purpose in life I'd made for myself? My ability to hug and love and be happy with others, I needed that. Desperately. “I want to heal, I want to feel what I thought was never real, like there was somewhere I belong.”(3) I just needed to find better people who understood. I reconnected with my family and told my pain and tried in every possible way to show how sorry and sad I was for cutting them off. I couldn't stitch the old bits back onto me but maybe I could grow something new. Something I wanted and I loved, for me.

I can never fully heal, that's why you see the holes in my form, but I've incorporated them now, so that they help me as much as they hurt. I carry on and love my subhuman self, accept me for me and go back to being with humans (3). I give them the kindnesses I can but only after I do that for myself. This is the kindness and respect I give to me, the biggest change I made, because I deserve it as much as everyone else. Now close your eyes and you'll leave this dream (1).

“But my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be.”

Behind Blue Eyes by the Who

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ficretus · 6 months

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Theory: Interpreting RWBY's Indecisive King as Joan of Arc story and implications of it

Looking at Indecisive King story I've noticed major similarities it has to Joan of Arc story. When I say Joan of Arc story here, I am refering to initial portion of it, from her childhood to meeting king Charles VII at Chinon castle. In this theory I'll break down those similarities, what characters they potentially reference in the show, and what future event do they potentially faciliate.

First of all, what is Indecisive King story? It's one of the in universe RWBY fairy tales dealing with Relic, Crown of choice. There is a wise King that is always able to solve problems of his subjects. One day he is approached by grieving Widow who lost her husband, village and will to live in Grimm attack. King tells her to continue living and offers her stay in his castle. Some time later, King is given Crown by mysterious admirer. When he puts it on he deteriorates into mess, unable to perform his duties or give advice to his subjects due to being burdened by visions of future seen due to Crown. Nobody is able to help him and he gets rid off all of his advisors. He is eventually approached by Widow, who he no longer recognizes. She offers to put the Crown on her head, but instead of terrible future, she sees King proposing to her. She gives him the same advice he gave her, instead of worrying about the future, he should live. King's issue is resolved and they live happily ever after.

What are the similarities between this story and initial portion of Joan of Arc story? First of all, similar protagonist. Both Joan and Widow are peasant women giving advice to the king. When she was 13, Joan's village was sacked, similar to the Widow. In aftermath of that incident she saw archangel Michael for the first time, breaking down in tears and begging him to take her with him. This is once again similar to the Widow, both losing their will to live. Joan is encouraged by Michael, who informs her that she'll be contacted by 2 more voices, giving her purpose in life. When time came, she is instructed by voices to go to Chinon and meet the king. King Charles VII by that point was losing all confidence in his abilities and future. While he isn't literally burdened by crown unlike Indecisive king, he bears symbollic burden. Crown has granted him power, but it also put him in endless war against England and Burgundy, which he has been losing for years. So both kings are granted power (knowledge is power after all) in exchange for massive burden that keeps pressing them. Charles is also commonly refered to as indecisive. Joan encourages and inspires him, staying at his castle before departing for Orleans, winning the battle. Eventually, Charles would win Hundred year war, making their meeting the turning point of the war. Once again, similarity with Indecisive King story: peasant woman giving advice and "saving" the king, helping where his many advisors couldn't.

What are the flaws with this comparison.

A) Widow is given advice by King and helps him using the very same advice. Joan is helped by archangel Michael, so it's not 1:1 since it's not the same advice between 2 individuals. Way I see it, you can argue that Joan was given purpose through the king, so it still somewhat works. Archangel Michael was also Charles' patron saint, so that's another plausible read

B) Different resolution to the story. Widow and King marry and live happily ever after. This doesn't work for Joan for obvious reasons, being both virgin and martyr. Her relationship with Charles was also purely platonic, even described as sibling like. I suspect that these are not bugs, but features of the story. These changes are subversions of Joan of Arc story that will play major role later in the story.

C) Crown has different role at the end. King shares the Crown with Widow before sealing it away for good. Obssessing over the future is not good, hence Crown is also not good. On the other hand, Charles must embrace the crown and his role as the king. Joan's mission was to bring him to Rheims so he can be properly crowned as French king.

Ok, time to move on to RWBY's Joan, Jaune Arc. So Jaune=Joan, Joan=Widow, logic would imply Widow=Jaune. Does that make sense? I'd say it does. Both Jaune and Widow deal with loss of their partner and home due to Grimm attack which makes them lose will to live. However, Jaune's story is incomplete, so there aren't many further connections. So, not a lot, but connection is strong enough in my book.

So Widow=Joan=Jaune, which would make Indecisive King=Charles VII=person X. Who is person X? Time to get unhinged, I'd say person X is Cinder. Let me explain:

For Cinder to be person X, she needs to fit as both Indecisive King and Charles VII. Let's start with the King.

Most obvious part is that Relic of Choice is Cinder's relic since she is Fall Maiden. So both Cinder and King are Crown's rightful owners. This could change, since Cinder could die, making someone else the Crown's guardian, but I'd be pretty surprised if show decides to kill off Cinder before this point of the story.

Now for bit controversial interpretation of events, did Cinder help Jaune by telling him to live? Yes, in very indirect and pretty evil way. Jaune confronts her with intent of sacrificing himself to hold her off. At that point of the story he sees no value in his well being. Instead of killing him, Cinder decides to "play" with him. She can kill him at any point of the encounter and it would be pretty beneficial to her since she can turn on other remaining fighters as well, yet chooses not to. Be it sadism, arrogance or some kind of pity. Even when Jaune comes pretty close to hitting her and nicks her mask, she lashes out on Weiss instead. By doing so, she forces Jaune to awaken his semblance and find his purpose again. So it kind of works as Indecisive King parallel.

Next, is Cinder surrounded by advisors who cannot help her and that end up pushed away? Once again, yes. She never opens up to anyone and puts on a mask (both literal and symbolic) to hide her insecurities. As a result, she creates unsolvable problem and pushes away those around her who cannot resolve it as a result. At the current point of the story, Cinder is completely isolated (Emerald left, Mercury distanced herself from her, and she literally threw Neo off the edge of the cliff) facing the looming problems.

Speaking of said problems, does Cinder deal with impossible future problem with no solution? Yes, although that's not explicitly stated or shown. Think about it logically, let's say Cinder enters the vault and finds the Crown and puts it on her head, what will she see? Here is little flowchart of possible events.

Gee, look at that bright future with variety of the outcomes. What is your favorite? On more serious note, there is no future in which Cinder wins. She is slowly turning into Grimm and Salem has shown before she can easily force her on the floor with minimal effort. As time goes she is turning more and more into a Grimm, making control even easier, eventually becoming Hound 2.0. So she cannot rebel and futures in which she has all powers are meaningless. And just as likely is she to take all of them, she is likely to die trying. In every major story portion she almost died. So just like King, she'll arrive at crossroad of impossible choices. There is of course choice that can save her, but she is unable to see it, just like King was until Widow helped him.

Direct quote from animated version of the story:

"We have clearly seen vastly different visions. What this cursed crown has shown me is a distant crossroads, one with no solution, no way out that doesn't end in a disaster!"

I feel like that's enough examples for Cinder=Indecisive King, I need to justify other part of the equation. Is Cinder king Charles VII? Once again I'd say yes.

Let's start with his childhood: Charles grew up in hotel Saint Pol, royal residence at the time. He had 2 older siblings that were meant to be heirs, he himself was suppose to be just a duke. He had troubled relationship with his mother, depending on the version, she was either neglectful or actively hated him (and ruined him). Eventually, his elder brothers die and he becomes an heir. He ends up in factional clash with duke of Burgundy. When he was 15, he runs away from his royal residence, to which he'll never return. His men end up murdering duke of Burgundy after tricking him into meeting them. This sours relationship between Charles and his father, who first ends up disinheriting him, and then declares him an outlaw.

Let's break down the similarities. First of all, both were raised in hotel they'd end up permanently leaving when they were 15. Both have bad relationship with their mother (adoptive one in Cinder's case). Both were trained to fullfil the role played by their paternal figure (Charles VII named as an heir/Rhodes training Cinder to become a Huntress). In both cases paternal role turns on them after they commit somewhat justified but morally wrong act (duke of Burgundy was responsible for Charles's uncle death, potentially his siblings' and seeked to control him). Said paternal figure then cuts their association and declares them an outlaw.

Childhood part mostly checks out, moving on to Charles post escape. He runs away to territories held by queen dowager Yolande of Aragon (who held the title Queen of four kingdoms). She becomes massive influence on him. After his father dies, Charles proclaims himself the king. However, this proclamation doesn't hold much weight since there is another pretender, child Henry VI and since Charles doesn't hold Rheims, traditional coronation location of French kings. Charles marries Yolande's daughter Marie during the ceremony. He has initial successes against English and Burgundians, but is eventually pushed back and faced imminent danger once they moved to siege Orleans (after which he meets Joan, but that's besides the point).

Once again, pretty much all of these points hold true for Cinder. Just like Charles take refuge in Yolande's land, Cinder enters Salem's service (both women are widows with immense power, Salem might as well be queen of 4 kingdoms in RWBY). Both get heavily influenced by their new maternal figure, although Yolande was mostly good influence on Charles unlike Salem on Cinder. Charles semi legitimate proclamation of royal power matches Cinder two fold: first she takes half of maiden power becoming Fall Maiden pretender. But after she takes all of it, she still lacks the Relic (which is out of her reach) just like Charles was king without the crown. This one might be bit of a reach, but I equate Charles marriage with Marie to Cinder's grimmification. Grimm are effectively Salem's children, and both events take place during their proclamation of power. Cinder also triumphs early but finds less and less success as the story continues.

I won't go further into Charles' story since we'd soon enter into completely speculative territory. But safe to say, Cinder more than enough matches Charles for me to pull Cinder=Charles=Indecisive King.

Ok, so we identified the main characters, what now? How do things go from here? Well let me throw some theories based on this.

THEORY 1: Knightfall route

I am neither first nor last to connect Indecisive King with knightfall so I'll be brief.

Cinder and Jaune will meet in the final vault. Cinder will be completely lost by that point, realizing futility of her quest for power. Jaune will help her see the future in which she is happy. Instead of endless power, she finds love. This is subversion of Joan of Arc story Indecisive King story does. Instead of Joan ending up as virgin martyr, she'll live happily ever after with the king (although words "Jaune" and "happiness" seem like impossible combination).

THEORY 2: Redemption but not forgiveness

This theory focuses on intention of advice, rather than resolution of the story. Cinder's "you need to live" likely wasn't with good intentions. She wanted to see him suffer since she knew that killing someone with no will to live is pointless. Jaune's advice to Cinder at the end will be the same. Cinder will realize futility of her quest for power and beg Jaune to kill her, so she can right the wrongs. Jaune will refuse since he won't allow her easy way out, making it clear he won't let her die until she cleaned up all the mess she made during the story.

What do you think? Any interpretations or details I missed?

#Rwby indecisive king #rwby theory #rwby knightfall #knightfall #jaune arc #rwby jaune arc #cinder fall #rwby cinder fall

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