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mossy-rainfrog · 4 months

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Build A Cowboy Round 5!

Hi good evening sorry for vanishing OK SO i mentioned in the tags of my first poll that this cowboy is not just going to be a vaguely historical cowboy, but from a Very specific time frame, because of the fic that his partner Javi exists in. That being said, there is a lot to unpack here with this! The time period exactly is 1841, the setting is Texas (because I am texan and we are predictable) and oh my god this is one of the most insane times for a character to be from texas 😭

Our cowboy will have in fact lived through the Mexican War of Independence (1810-1821), the Texas Revolution (1835-1836), tx's CRINGEFAIL attempt at self governing, rapidly approaching our annexation into the US in 1844-5, and then coming right up on the fuckign CIVIL WAR in 1861. These guys deeply understand the concept of "get me the fuck out of the interesting times, im sick of the interesting times". im so sorry cowboys, you can blame Herman Melville for this.

anyways yall didnt come here for a history lesson but you are in fact going to get one because i am insufferable first and an artist second :) and also as a note, race and backstory are always intertwined things but Especially when it is fuckign 1841 so. yeah exercise caution, there will be discussion of racism, medical close-calls, and anti-indigenous genocide. PLEASE ACTUALLY READ THE BACKGROUNDS BEFORE CHOOSING ONE! you dont have to read the sources. those are just there because i have autism. 👍

DETAILS BELOW THE READMORE BC I GOT WAYYY TOO WORDY⬇️

BACKSTORY A: Black Cowboy fled Texas* to Oklahoma with his family after the revolution, now travels up the trade routes breaking wild horses, passing along abolitionist messages, and assisting refugees. A miracle baby surviving a cleft lip with limited surgery and sustained permanent hearing damage as a result, he took up the trade of horsebreaking with flying colors, keeping right up with his older brothers. A sharp shot, keen eye, and a talented horseman, his best trained horses help him identify sounds that he otherwise can't hear. Loosely familiar with PSL, but primarily used a mix of lip-reading, localized/community generated sign growing up.

* After the US aided Texas in staging a coup against Mexico and declaring independence, an ordinance passed in 1836 that fully banished free Black people from the region unless they had personal pardon from Congress. This ordinance was not passed without pushback, and it changed shape and restriction over the years as people of color such as Joseph Tate, John and Charity Bird, Diana Leonard, Allen Dimery, and more all fought for their right to their own lands and lives. The law eventually settled into what was known as the Ashworth Act in 1840, which allowed free Black people to stay IF they had been residing in the state before 1836. It certainly wasn't the victory many had hoped, and even though many free Black persons in Texas were granted pardon to stay, like the Ashworths who the act was named after, many others were forced to leave after their allotted time was up, and were threatened with the future of slavery should they return. thank you texas history for being a vile piece of shit 👍

BACKSTORY B: Mexican/Tejano Vaquero from West Texas whose family has been ranching and cattle driving for decades. Has no interest in moving post-revolution, fuck you very much. If the borders are going to cross his family without asking*, then there's no need to cross them back. Technically lives with his family, but spends extensive periods of time away from home on cattle drives. Steady-handed, steadfast, quick to keep his herd safe. Miraculously survived a cleft lip as a baby and sustained permanent hearing damage** as a result, but that didn't stop his father from teaching him everything he knew, nor our man from taking to it like a fish to water. Knows more about cattle driving than you will ever forget.

*Some brief notes on the borders shifting and alienating people in their own rightful land.

**There was no official sign language of Mexico until the first Deaf school was established in 1869, but he and his family likely have a community-based one that works for them.

BACKSTORY C: Coahuiltecan (specifically Payaya)* cowboy, farrier, and leatherworker. Picked up the line of work as family was pushed to assimilate, one of the few still claiming Coahuiltecan identity at this time**, and has made a good living for himself and his sisters with it. Like the others, miraculously survived a cleft lip as a child but sustained permanent hearing damage as a result. Knows Plains Indian Sign fluently, and also relies on the direction of his horse for picking up sudden sounds before he can spot them. Tries to keep his work as local as possible to avoid separation from family for long, and whenever that is necessary, makes sure to come back soon.

*Note: Coahuiltecan is a term referring to several northern-Mexican and southern-Texan autonomous groups with distinct cultural differences. However, since Spanish and French colonizers lumped these groups together, an immense amount of distinguishing knowledge has since been lost.

** Also note: the Tāp Pīlam Coahuiltecan Nation is still very much around today (check out their site!) but nearing the mid 19th century, people at least claiming/listing this heritage on legal documents dwindled immensely for a variety of reasons.

#build a cowboy #polls #mossy art #described #collaborative character design #also yes i know cleft lip lost the last poll but i dont care. im including both. its my poll and i get to do voter fraud #anyways my god this is a fucking tx history lecture in a tumblr post. sorry everyone #i checked out 9 books from the library for this #but yeah heehoo!! here we goo again #id in alt

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80pairsofcrocs · 2 years

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baby scarab || 30

@howlongtillidie - Ok but!

Reader blasting horrible histories songs to annoy marc but just ends up singing along with Steven to the monarch, highway man and king of bling while Marc Jake and Khonshu look on with love and confusion at what is happening

~~~

anon - HAVE HAD A FLUFF IDEA! One day, reader accidentally befriends a murder of crows??? Like, maybe they dropped some food and the birds ate it, so they kinda kept feeding them? Then later on they find a bunch of shiny stuff on their windowsill?

~~~

anon - hi!! love the baby scarab series so much. a quick idea inspired by the recent asks. marc dares the reader to eat some shampoo and steven gets angry at marc but also at you for actually doing it

~~~

A/N : only doing the shampoo one to get you all off my ass

masterlist - marvel masterlist - series masterlist

A/N : kinda short chapter, sorry. never be afraid to leave requests!! and dont worry if you dont see yours for a while, if i havent answered it, that means im working on it.

please enjoy, and don't be shy if you want to be in the taglist, just ask <3, sorry for the long wait

playlist

pairings : steven grant x (platonic)reader, marc spector x (platonic) reader, khonshu x (platonic)reader, jake lockley x (platonic)reader

TW : medicine (pills), language, spidey stuff, mentions of sickness, mentions of violence, overall fluff, eating toxic stuff. let me know if i missed anything

~~~

steven woke up alone again.

his exact thoughts were, ‘what now?’.

you happened to be looking for your medicine in the cabinets.

jake ended up fronting when he came in the kitchen, taking one of his hats he had on the counter and putting it on.

“you’re never up early, what’s on your mind, princesa?” he asks you and you turn around.

“oh uhhhhh..” you try to come up with something, phone in hand.

“who are you texting?” jake asks, seeing the messaging screen on your phone.

“my guy in the chair” you say calmly and slip your phone into the pocket of stevens sweater than you’re still wearing.

“why? are you going on a date with him?” he teases and you groan.

“literally shut up” you feel your face heat up as you bring up the hood of the sweater and pull on the strings, making it so that the tip of your nose the only thing visible.

jake chuckles and comes over so that he’s standing right in front of you.

he pulls the hood down, the strings going back in the hood when he does.

you’re glaring at him when your phone buzzes again, making him smirk at you.

“no but for real, what are you talking about?” he asks and you sigh.

“he uh.. he’s inviting me to get coffee again with him tomorrow” you wave him off and he snickers at your answer.

“again?” marc speaks up and you nod.

“yesterday before i came here we got coffee”

“and was that before or after you kissed?” steven asks and you groan again.

the three of them laugh at your misery. like the jerks they are.

“yeah, laugh it up” you say sarcastically, still looking for your medication.

“it’s in the bathroom” jake pats your shoulder and you make your way to the bathroom like he said, and snatching your bag of pills off the counter.

you bring them out with you and take two pills out, and swallowing them dry out of habit.

jake makes eye contact with you after that and glares.

“..what?” you ask, sticking your pills in one of the cabinets.

“you forgot something” he says and your brain clicks into realization.

“i forgot water” you say to yourself, and jake nods obnoxiously.

“and what did you say you’d do when you forgot?” he asks rhetorically, gesturing for you to answer.

you do so reluctantly. “i give back one of your hats” you mumble and he nods.

“right. now go get me the one out of your bag” he tells you and you groan.

“nooo but the one in my bag is my favorite”

“i don’t care, you’ll get it back when you take your pills with water” he reassures you and you angrily find your bag, open it, and chuck the hat at jake, not caring if he caught it or not.

“see, was it that hard?” he asks sarcastically and you flip him off.

“yes, it was like parting with my child” you put a hand to your heart and stare at the ceiling.

you hear jake scoff and toss the hat on the counter.

“where’d you even get so many?” you ask, suddenly curious about the man’s many hats.

“being honest, they’ve doubled since i met you” he says and you cock your head.

“i bought some i thought you’d like” he admits and you smile at him.

nothing else is said as you mess with the strings of the sweater, then hopping up on the counter.

you twist your body so that you can look in the cupboard behind you for your pop tarts.

you find what you’re looking for, and after opening the package, you break one of them in half and offer it to jake.

he takes it and sits next to you on the counter. “this isn’t a bribe to get the hat back, is it?” he asks, eating the pop tart.

you shake your head. “what? no.” you deny it and curse yourself out in your head because he caught on.

he chuckles and brings a hand up to ruffle your hair, to which you groan.

“nice try” he tells you and you two just sit on the counter eating your pop tarts.

it’s so quiet that you can hear jakes heartbeat, which you are annoyed by at the moment.

“can you stop your heart for a minute?” you ask, and jake scoffs.

“no”

“but it’s bothering me”

“then go sit somewhere else”

“but i was here first” you whine and jake scoffs again.

“well then you have to deal with it” he tells you.

you glare at him and finish your pop tart, both of you getting off the counter so that you could get your bag while jake throws away the wrapper that you not so sneakily stuffed into his pocket.

“i have to be at the cafe by noon, so i better go” you start, jake, steven, and marc fearing what you say next.

“i’ll be back at like 4” you say and they all let out a silent sigh of relief.

“you’re coming back?” steven asks.

“well unless you don’t want me to-”

“no, we do” he defends and you chuckle, unlocking the door.

“then i’ll see you all later” you say, stepping out after hearing the three of them say ‘goodbye’, or ‘see you later’.

you sit in the elevator with a smile on your face, happy that you’re back with your boys.

~~~

surprisingly it was already time for you to go back home.

those hours went by very quick.

while you were walking home, you hear a flutter of wings above you, and looking up you see a couple of crows looking down at you from a light post.

you smile to yourself and move to the edge of the sidewalk, close to the building to squat down and swing your bag over your shoulder to bring it in front of you on the ground.

you dig into your bag and pull out the sandwich you were supposed to have for lunch, and take the bread, leaving the contents of it in the plastic bag it was in.

you zip up your bag and put it back on your shoulders, standing up and ripping a tiny piece off the bread and tossing it up at the birds, watching as one caught it in midair.

you chuckle softly, tossing some more bread up and watching as the birds catch it.

you figure that the guys will freak out if you’re late, so you wave to the crows, and keep walking, a single piece of bread in your hands.

you hear crows cawing behind you and turn around to see even more of them, perched up on anything high.

smiling, you end up leaving a literal trail of bread crumbs behind you, hearing scratches on the sidewalk as the crows all fight over the food.

you did run out though, to which you apologized for not having more, even though the birds probably didn’t understand you.

you only arrived at the door five minutes past the time you were supposed to, and when you opened it and walked in, seeing steven already cooking something.

he looks over to you when he hears the door open, and you set your bag down on the floor, next to where your shoes were once you took them off.

“how was your day?” steven asks you, as you go to sit on the counter next to him.

“it was good” you answer. “yours?”

“better now that you’re back” he says honestly, and you snort.

“what? it’s true” he defends himself, giving you a look.

“sure” you mumble, still not really used to compliments like that.

steven lightly hits your leg, putting the stove at low and going to the other side of you to lean against the counter.

“do you doubt that we miss you?” he asks and you shake your head.

“no, you guys are clingy” you answer jokingly.

“no but seriously” he says again and you think about it for a second.

“it’s just weird to think about” you start. “people missing me” you clarify and steven nods, messing with a loose string on his sleeve.

“i get it” he begins. “before i found out there was a little american man living inside of me, i didn’t really have anyone either”

he pauses. “actually, i did have.. my uhm.. whoever i thought was my mum.” he explains and you nod.

“but hey, now i have marc and jake and layla..” he trails off, lightly pushing you off the counter from your back.

“and now i have you” you starts, all of a sudden pulling you into a tight hug.

“you, my beautiful little spiderling” he obnoxiously rocks you both left and right, resting his chin on the top of your head.

“okay okay- i get it” you say, and steven stops moving, and pushes you so that you’re standing out at arms reach.

“and- you know that you always have me, and the others right?” he asks and you nod.

“yeah i.. i know” you say quietly, putting your hands on stevens shoulders, exactly like he’s doing with you.

you crack a smile and pull him in for the hug this time, surprising him as his arms slowly wrap around you.

“you got me and i got you, steven with a v” you say and you feel him chuckle.

“yes. yes we do” you two stay in the hug for a minute before you both let go when you heard a tap at the window.

you only see a crow, tilting its head at you before flying away.

you chuckle and walk towards the window, opening it to see a silver bobby pin, which certainly wasn’t there before.

“what is it?” steven asks, following after you.

“the crow left me a gift” you say with a smile, holding it up for him to see.

he furrows his brows, and looks back at the window. “it did?”

you nod, pocketing the shiny object. “well, i did feed some earlier” you say sheepishly.

“with what? you didn’t bring any..” steven trails off and you walk past him and to the kitchen to go lean on the counter.

“did you eat lunch today?” he asks, turning around.

you don’t answer, you just mess with your fingers.

steven sighs and comes back towards you. “you need to eat, sweetheart” he says softly and you nod.

“i know i just forgot” you answer and he nods.

“i’m giving you a little extra for supper, and you’re eating all of it” he tells you and you nod.

“good, now go set the table, this is almost done” he gestures to the food sizzling in the pan next to you.

you just smile and nod, doing as he said contently.

~~~

it was after dinner, and to stevens delight you ate everything he put on your plate, and now you were leaning against marc on the couch, just scrolling through tik tok.

you had come across a thirst trap, and that was when marc chose to look to you.

“what are you- what is that?” he asks and you sigh.

“i want her boobies” is all you answer with.

marc looks away as you scroll past, him ruffling your hair.

“no you don’t” he starts. “when she gets old they’re going to deflate” he finishes and you chuckle.

“they’ll weigh her down” he tells you, which makes you laugh harder.

you also scroll onto a would you rather video, the question being, ‘would you rather eat shampoo or drink expired mayonnaise’.

“oh, the shampoo for sure” you mutter to yourself, marc humming in confusion.

“would you rather eat shampoo or drink expired mayonnaise?” you ask him and he scoffs.

“oh, the shampoo for sure” he says and you make a face.

“that’s what i just said” you mumble.

“you wouldn’t though. you’re still a weenie” you tell him and turn off your phone.

marc let’s our a dry laugh. “i would, and i am not” he says and it’s your turn you scoff.

“weenie”

“if you’re so brave, why don’t you go do it?” he questions, and you shoot up in your seat, standing up to look down at him.

“you know what? i will”

“y/n don’t you dare!” steven shouts after you as you make your way to the bathroom, marc following after you.

“you won’t actually do it” marc starts. “but in the tiny chance that you do, i’ll give you 20 dollars”

“40”

“30”

“deal”

you yank the shampoo from out of the shower and pop the lid off, steven and jake both panicking in the mirror, marc just staring at you in surprise.

“nonono y/n if you eat that-“

“i won’t give you the hat back” jake cuts steven off and you’re at a cross roads.

you make direct eye contact with jake. “but it’s 30 dollars” is the last thing you say before squirting some of the shampoo on your finger and licking it off before swallowing it, ignoring steven and jake trying to stop you.

“pay up” you hold your hand out towards marc, putting the shampoo back in the shower.

“i can’t believe you just did that” he murmurs, taking money out of his back pocket and handing you the right amount, you pocketing it right away.

“go wash your mouth out” marc starts, leaving the bathroom. “i can’t believe she actually did it” you heard him say to jake and steven.

you wash your mouth out and come back out to sit back next to marc.

“i hope you know that i’m angry at both of you” steven says when you sit down.

“but he-“

“save it” jake says and you bite the inside of your cheek.

“you could get sick, and none of us want that” he continues and you nod.

“it was a one time thing” you shrug, marc shaking his head from beside you.

“it better be” steven says and you smile innocently.

“i’ll bring you back a mocha frappuccino tomorrow”

“..fine but please for the love of god don’t do that again”

“okay okay, i won’t” you say, hands up in surrender.

“good, now marc, i hope you get hit by a bus” steven says bluntly and you cover your mouth to stop yourself from laughing.

“hey- but she’s the one who-“

“no but you bribed her with money” steven starts. “unacceptable” you let out a sigh.

you see jake slowly shaking his head at marc, and you decide to go back on tik tok while they argue.

khonshu decides to appear next to you, wondering what was going on.

“what did you do this time?” he asks you, and you look up at him.

“i ate some shampoo” you say simply and look back to your phone as khonshu hums.

“you’re probably going to die” he says and you chuckle.

“well it smelled like fruit, but that was a lie” you answer, and khonshu nods.

“understandable”

the guys had stopped talking, and marc was now just switching through channels, trying to find something interesting on tv.

you just go back to your phone and tap off of tik tok to play one of the random games you had.

“i’ll fly a starship” you mumble quietly, khonshu tilting his head at you as he has nothing else to do.

“across the universe divide. and when i reach the other side-“

“i’ll find a place to rest my spirit, if i can” steven continues and you smile at him, chuckling as he continues, the rest of the people in the room being confused.

“perhaps i may become a highway man again. or i may simply be a simple drop of rain” you both half-sing half-speak at the same time.

“but i will remain. and i’ll come back again, and again, and again, and again..” you both trail off, marc and jake finding the random exchange amusing.

you nod along to a different song in your head now, steven and everyone being curious as to what you’ll do next.

“bad news on the door step. i couldn’t take one more step” you mumble, and steven decides to continue again.

“i can’t remember if i cried, when i read about his widowed bride” you smile to yourself as steven continues further.

“but something touched me deep inside. the day-“

“the music, died” you both say together.

“so bye, bye miss american pie” you both chuckle quickly, marc and jake just watching with smiles on their faces, jakes a little smaller than marc’s.

“drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. and then good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing this’ll be the day that i die”

“this’ll be the day that i die” you dramatically fall back on marc, falling completely limp, acting as dead as you can.

steven chuckles at you and sighs. “you’re adorable” he says teasingly.

“and you’re old” you mumble, getting embarrassed again.

“don’t make that face- i’m just messing with you” steven says nicely and you snort, going back to your game.

~~~

the rest of the night was just you, the guys, and khonshu hanging out.

khonshu mostly making fun of anyone and anything whenever he had the chance.

and that included the couple crows that came by, leaving you more gifts.

the gifts being a dime, a silver bottle cap, a tab to a can, and a tiny keychain with a small spider on it.

ironic, isn’t it?

your dads were all amazed that you had befriended a murder of crows just by feeding them.

and of course that meant that you were going to bring spare bread with you everywhere now.

you kept all your new gifts in a small glass jar that steven had given you, deciding to use that to collect any new ones that you might get in the future.

you also had gone back to your place to grab stevens sweater that you left there, and to your surprise he said, ‘it looks better on you, keep it’.

and that’s when you hugged him again and thanked him over and over.

now you’ll always have a piece of him with you. a piece of all of them.

you had stevens sweater now, a couple of jakes hats hidden around your apartment, and you had the key that marc gave you.

just a little piece of them to have for yourself.

just a little piece to remind you of them.

just a little piece of them.

and the thing you gave them?

the thing you gave them to have for themselves, to remind them of you?

they had your heart.

a heart that’s full of love.

a heart that will never run out of said love, all reserved for them.

your heart, was theirs to protect now.

they had your heart, and you had theirs.

~~~

A/N : sorry this is so short and dry, its just one of those days. more interesting chapters coming up!! :))

taglist ---

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cat3ch1sm · 2 years

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💚| request for @anzaisaki !! so sorry for how late this is:(( ily and thank u for reading my works<333 this does run a bit long so im sorry if i went overboard, i tend to do that especially with kurapika😅😅 chrollo's though is shorter than the others to make up for it😀

🥝| my requests are open!! send something in for the fandoms I write for! reminder that you have to be following me to request!! also read the rules :)

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ mentions of being attacked, murder, light kidnapping, trauma mentions!

how do they react when their s/o gets amnesia? ~ kurapika, leorio, kite, and chrollo

a/n~ amnesia is a condition in which the individual affected suffers memory loss! this can result from a number of things, such as epilepsy and substance abuse, but for these i went with the common "head injury" :D reader has permanent retrograde amnesia, in which they have trouble remembering last events and people.

🐢| also kurapika is the only one with a definite setting, the rest are just kinda made up haha

kurapika

~ reader works with kurapika as a bodyguard (succession war)!~

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ after kurapika had gone down for almost twelve hours straight following the overuse of his nen abilities, you had happily taken up his position while he was put away to recover. it wasn't an easy task anyway, but when you threw a baby, a war in which said baby could possibly be killed, a perpetually nervous mother, spine-chilling Nen beasts, and several power-hungry monarchs into the mix, it was close to unbearable. and managing all of that for as long as you did was beyond draining.

・❥・when you fainted, finally having overdone it, you did feel yourself hit your head on something hard as you went down, but you didn't figure it was that bad- that was, until, you had woken up in the medical wing with an unfamiliar blonde man standing over you, an apoplectic expression on his face.

・❥・after discovering that you, his beloved partner, no longer seem to remember who he is, kurapika goes a little numb. he halfheartedly tries to jog your memory, but inside he knows it's useless. you shy away from him when he leans down to try and kiss you, flinch when he brushes your hair from your face. you notice his eyes dull and the circles under his eyes darken, but you can't understand why. you were his anchor, but now you've sank, and he just can't handle losing another person. not with the eyes of his massacred family on the very same boat. kurapika walks out, face dark and an odd red glow beneath his golden bangs, just as a nurse comes in; you ask who that was.

leorio

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ leorio should have been the one with that patient. what were you doing handling him, anyway? he had had a history of being violent, resisting treatment, all of that. trying to calm him down was futile, and you knew that. but when the guy made a rude remark about your boyfriend, you had gotten angry, bold, and went right up to him to finally tell him off only for him to slam you right into the ground by your shoulders. defending him.

・❥・now here leorio was, frustrated and guilty, standing over your lying frame in a gurney.

・❥・"y/n, it's me. Leorio? Remember? Don't act like you don't know me. I'm begging you, just remember who I am."

・❥・he could tell you were getting panicked. leorio had been standing at your side for at least a half hour, trying desperately to evoke some response that would tell him you hadn't really forgotten who he was. but no, his fears were true. he could tell you were growing panicked- a man you didn't know beside you for so long just repeating the same thing over and over again. who knew what you suspected? so he had to give up for your sake. he should let you rest, anyway.

・❥・you think you should know who he is. something about this man feels like home. but as he exits the room, back facing you, you tell yourself that it's just a feeling.

kite

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ what could he say? kite had to give in to your pleas at some point. he'd put a bullet in his head if he had to listen to another hour of you begging to join him on some job to slay some hostile entity somewhere. so he finally let you come on the promise that you didn't act like his partner.

・❥・you agreed, and off the two of you went- but kite could tell that a while into the fight, you were in over your head. he could see your body weakening and your aura wavering. so he'd offered to let you rest a bit, he could handle it himself, but you simply declared "you're not supposed to act like my partner, remember?" and kept going right up until the damn creature came straight for your head.

・❥・he was surprised you'd dodged as quickly as you did. kite had sort of been expecting it to blow your entire skull to hell. but you didn't wake up anyway, so he finished his battle quickly to get you help. but when you finally awaken, something is off. your eyes aren't very focused, and they don't illuminate the way they usually do when you see him. you don't have to say anything. he realizes.

・❥・his demeanor is stiff. he seems exasperated, really, like you've aggravated him somehow. but when he mutters under his breath, "idiot," his eyes, bearing weary dark circles, are sad. he leaves quietly with his blue hat pulled over his eyes. you lay and watch him go.

chrollo

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ chrollo's the only one of these men that will stay regardless of whether you're able to remember him or not. if he can't force you to know who he is, he has no issue doing everything again. you'll fall in love with chrollo all over again after he poses as the knight in shining armor that stayed by your side in the hospital when you had nobody else. although, it isn't as sweet a picture as it may seem.

・❥・if for some reason, that isn't how he goes about it, chrollo will literally straight up kidnap you from the hospital, if he takes you there at all, after realizing you don't remember who he is. he'll pretend the incident never happened and take extraordinary measures to make sure you can't escape his grasp until you have no choice but to love him again. he'll gaslight and manipulate you until he gains your affection once more.

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transmascore · 1 year

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hiyo

i wanted to ask if you have any advice for overcoming the thought that i cant be a gay trans man because "what makes gay men gay is the fact that they only like dick and not female parts"

(im sorry if thats rather graphic but this is literally the thing stopping me from acceoting myself or transitioning socially or physically)

Something to keep in mind is that orientation is people-based. The reason gay men date other men is because they're attracted to men themselves - the way they present outwardly, the way they speak, the way they wear their hair. Genitals aren't the only or even the main part of the equation (although they can factor in). There's every other aspect about a person to consider.

I'm T4T (trans for trans) so my attraction to men is framed by that lens. I find I'm attracted to patchy facial hair and androgynous voices - things that signal transmasculinity to me. And, for me, it's because I know I will have things in common with these men. We have shared community, shared experiences. I know I can open up to another trans man and that he will understand me. And, aside from that, I do legitimately feel a strong sense of desire and romantic love when I encounter other trans men. It isn't just safety, but a genuine want to be with them.

And gay men, regardless of AGAB, feel pretty much the same way across the board. It's attraction to little details here and there, as well as the entire person, and it's also that sense of relating to one another on the basis of queerness. Knowing that you can be yourself around this person.

Now, sure, men looking for a quick hookup on Grindr aren't in the same headspace as someone looking for an actual relationship. So it's important to keep that in mind. People on hookup apps tend to be rude or chasers (a cis person that fetishizes trans people). But there are also genuine men you'll encounter (regardless of AGAB) that are totally cool with hooking up with a trans guy and aren't weird about it. Everybody's different.

And while some sections of the gay male community can come across as very phallocentric, we (transmascs) have been in those spaces the entire time.

I'll share some gay trans men now.

Billy Lane, who in 1998, WON the Mr. Leather competition:

Lou Sullivan, an activist and author who fought for gay trans men to be recognized by the medical field so we could receive gender affirming care:

Rupert Raj (pansexual rather than gay), who did so many things it's easier for me to just show you than to recap.

Dr. James Berry, an extremely talented surgeon who fought in two wars, was a duelist, and slept with men.

We have always been here, we will always be here, and we are here right now! Even though a lot of our history has been overshadowed and lost to time.

Also, something I tell every transmasc, especially gay transmascs, is this: When we first come out, first realize who we are, we feel very vulnerable. We want to be seen as people. We want to be validated and comforted. Like Pinnochio, we want someone to tell us "you're a real boy." And, often times, trans men will seek out that validation from cis men, because they view them as some higher authority - a gatekeeper of masculinity that will confirm your identity and metaphorically hand you a Man Card. And a lot of trans men get hurt, have their hearts broken, because they're putting all of their stock into this.

But I'm here to deliver you good news: Transness stands on its own, it doesn't require cis men to prop up the pillars. You are just as much of a man as cis guys are, and their opinion of you is irrelevant. It may not sound true right now - we all go through this initial stage, especially if our dysphoria is bad. But you'll get through it - and once you make it out the other side it is incredible. To expedite the process, best thing you can do is surround yourself with trans art and videos and books and friends.

The other thing, too, is that fear of not being loved. Society can have us believe cruel things about ourselves. That we, transmascs, are not worthy of love. That we're somehow inferior. And that just isn't true - there so many happy, partnered trans men out there. Many of them married! Many of them polyamorous with multiple partners! Many of them who have started families, are fathers!

Don't delay your transition - or call off your transition entirely - because you are afraid of what a future partner might think. People date each other for a reason: because they love each other. You want to find someone who will love you for you, unconditionally. And those people ARE out there. A real partner will be supportive of your endeavors, will be happy to see you comfortable in your own skin. Take care of yourself first, and the rest will come. The pieces will fall into place.

In the meantime, to be kind to yourself. Know that you are enough. Know that you are loveable. Know that you are desirable. Know that you have a future. Know that you don't need permission from anyone to be who you are. And know that you belong! Know that you're gay and you're a man and you're trans and that none of these things contradict one another. They weave together like beautiful threads to form the person that is you. And that there are many people like you - always have been. And if anyone is an asshole about it, ignore them.

#asks #anonymous

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firstdivisiongirl · 10 months

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helloo !! id like to ask for a matchup if that’s alright? (youre on break rn though so take your time dw!) I’m not too sure how to req a matchup so sorry if it’s too much ghdkvhdk

to start off with my hobbies and interests, there’s a LOT of them and they’re very contrasting- I’ve probably spent the most cash on drawing (investment on a drawing iPad aaaouurg), but I also spend a lot of my time writing and singing! On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, I also enjoy blacksmithing, welding, and boxing a lot!! Im also a huuuuge history buff and I really like psychology as well!!

I really like spicy foods and fruit flavored things and hearing people ramble about things they're passionate about, and I like puzzles n stuff that makes me think :]] dislikes consist of chocolate, angry yelling, crowded spaces, and boring people !!

I'm a very 0-100 person where I'm either very low energy and distant, or high energy. Im pretty impulsive as well, at least when it comes to my own safety whether it be for a dumb reason or important. I very rarely talk about my interests to people who I'm not 100% comfortable with, but when I am it's VERY easy to urge me into infodumping about fuck all I can talk about my interests for actual hours and I get really emotional if I'm told to be quiet fjdjfusjf- id like to think I'm pretty ambitious and witty as well, I'm quick to snap back at people. In terms of outside of my social circle however, I'm very much so an introvert and have a very hard time meeting new people :']

SORRY THIS IS SO MUCH I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH OR HOW LITTLE I SHOULDVE PUT IF YOU WANT ME TO SEND A SHORTER ONE THRN LMK I TOTALLY WILL!!! AGAIN TAKE YOUR TIME WITH THIS ILL BE HAPPY WITH ANYTHING YOU MAKE :DDD (and feel free to call me :] anon!!)

I'll be doing a matchup for you too but since I just followed you I don't know you very well yet, BUT ITLL HAPPEN I SWEAR

~ :]

Hi :]. It’s so nice to hear from you! Of course you can have a matchup! I always have time to do this! I’m back from break and it sucked, but this was great to come back and do! This one was kind of hard. I was torn between like 6, but after some thinking, lots of outlines and lists. I came up with it!!

Your most like a combination of Sabo and Chopper!!!

Sabo:

You both are very impulsive and will do anything

Sabo is a 0-100 kind of guy just like you!

Both of you are ambitious and witty as well as emotional

Both love writing. You guys would write an amazing book together. I’d love to see it

Lastly, you both are emotional and hate boring and terrible people.

I could definitely imagine you joining the RA

Chopper:

Both could talk anyone’s ear off about everything you love. Chopper would definitely talk about medical stuff all day if he could

Chopper is a little introverted around strangers like you. But I do feel like you would be better at hiding than him 😊

Chopper is a little intimidated by crowds like you

Chopper like sweets and fruits are sweet so….

He also is afraid of Nami who yells. You hate yelling. Enough said.

But when you two find friends, you’ll come out of your shells and flourish!

I hope you like it! You said you would do a match up for me so just DM me and I’ll give you any info you need! Thank you :] for the request! 💙🤍

#one piece #trafalgar d vivi #character matchup #one piece matchup #tony tony chopper #chopper #op sabo #sabo the revolutionary #one piece sabo

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ancient-pokehistorian · 8 months

Text

Rules

Hey guys, Wings (she/her or they/them) here!

The rules are basically going to be the same as my previous blogs, but if you’ve never met me here’s the rundown:

Important general rules:

I can be a very s l o w replier, and often have a tendency to drop threads. Because of some medical issues I get tired and worn-down easily. I also am a part-time student. First off, I’m very, very sorry. Please talk to me if I forget or drop something you really want to do.

Relating to the above, there are some nights where I only have the muse for certain threads, or even just memes or drabbles. Please respect that and don’t take offense that I’m not replying.

I’m painfully shy. While I refuse to use this as an excuse to avoid interacting with other people, just know that if I don’t talk to you or interact with you. This is something I'm working on improving on, but I'll admit it does help if I get hints of interest from you (even if it's just liking some of my other posts)

OOC will be tagged as ‘Out of History’’

IC =/= OOC; If one of my muses doesn’t like your muse please don’t assume that I don’t like you. Val can be a dick sometimes. Chances are I do, very much like you.

IMs/DMs can cause me a lot of anxiety. This doesn’t mean that you can’t send them, but please understand there are some days I just may not reply. It’s not anything you did, it just spares me some stress because otherwise I’ll hyperfocus on them and not get anything done, resulting in a sense of guilt. So please just respect that. Also please don’t IM me just because I’m online; chatting is one of the hardest things.

You may have noticed this is now a sideblog. I don't feel like I can handle blog-hopping right now, or know for certain if I'm going to be able to keep things up. If that dissuades you from interacting with me, that's perfectly understandable.

Interactions:

I do not follow back without at least a rules page, and preferably a rules and an about page. If you're new to rp and new help on where to start, I'd be happy to help.

I have the usual roleplay rules-no godmodding, ect. Usually I give a warning, but if I do please don’t take it lightly. If you aren’t sure, or you’re new to rp and keep seeing the word ‘godmod’ floating around without understanding, just come talk to me and we’ll figure things out.

I don’t have much experience with Pokémon Special, so this will primarily be a game-verse blog. That being said, I’m more than happy to do crossovers of any sort, including between fandoms. Just understand that I may not be well-versed in the world from which your character comes, so you may have to give me some details.

OCs, multi-muse blogs, gijinkas, and Pokémon are welcome. I’m not very picky about who I thread with, so long as you understand the italicized rule above.

I also rp with multiples of the same muse. I do not have a main verse.

Likewise, I will do one-liners, para, and multi-para threads, though I lean towards multi-para. Sometimes my replies will be short, so please forgive me. I’ll try to match your length. Don’t feel compelled to match mine if you can’t think of anything, but I’d appreciate a thoughtful reply that I can work with.

This is a multi-ship blog. Unless relationship conflict is discussed between all involved roleplayers and agreed upon, no muse is cheating on anyone.

I am all for having pre-established relationships. Come talk to me if you want to do that. We can also retcon a relationship if we’ve already started something.

I do not do greeters.

Most of the time I wing interactions, but I’d be happy to plot as well. Just remember that sometimes I take awhile to reply to asks.

Open to M!As, but I maintain the right to refuse any M!A or change the duration (including ending it early if need be)

While I don’t consider myself super strict on reblog karma, if I only ever see you reblogging memes from my blogs and never sending things, I will be disheartened and less inclined to interact with you. I’m working on gently reaching out to people if I see them doing this, and the majority of the time I reblog memes from a meme source if you can’t think of anything to send me personally.

However, if I've only ever seen you reblog memes from me (usually over a decent period of time because I'm slow to notice stuff), without interacting with me. you will be soft blocked.

Content:

The mun does not claim ownership of any art unless it’s tagged ‘Wings arts’.

Mun is of age, as are most of the muses, but it’s worth double-checking. Sexy fun times may occur on 18+ muses but are unlikely, and will be put under a read more. Other NSFW topics, like gore, may appear as well.

Similarly, triggers will be tagged, including gore. I tag ending with TW (ex: violence tw). Because I’m human I occasionally miss things, so don’t be afraid to message me if I have to go back and tag things. Please tell me if there’s anything you need me to tag for you, and I’m more than happy to do so.

I’d love to rp some Pokémon battles. However, instead of just jumping into a battle, I’d rather we either discuss the battle and outcome beforehand, or use a RNG to decide what attacks hit and such (I have a system I’ve used in the past that worked wonderfully, and would be happy to share it).

If at any point you want to ship, just let me know. I can’t promise that my muse will feel the same, but I’m willing to at least give it a try as long as there’s chemistry and you respect my other rules.

Please feel free to come talk to me OOC, even if we don’t thread. I’m a shy birdy, but I do enjoy meeting new people and making friends. Usually my ask box is the best way to reach me, but IMs/DMs are open, too.

#out of history

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secretly-your-history-professor · 1 year

Text

hello students <:

i wanted to try the 30 days of autism acceptance, so ill be combining all the first four days on this post, sorry for the long one! just as a reminder, autism speaks is a hate group, light it up blue and puzzle pieces are hate symbols, there is no "cure for autism", and (well-researched) self-dx is 100% valid <:

1 April: The typical introduction question! Tell us something about yourself. If you can't think of anything, try these: What do you enjoy to do in your free time? What music or series/show do you like? Are you happy with your current living situation/the people you live with? What's one of your favourite foods?

my name is elio, and in conjunction with autism i also have adhd and dyscalculia. im a gay trans guy in a committed relationship of 4 and a half years (so far). my favorite movie is gone with the wind, and my favourite food is toasted naan bread with goat cheese, pears, almonds, and honey on top <:

2 April: When were you diagnosed and when did you know that you're autistic? If you're self-diagnosed, when did you first suspect that you're autistic and when were you sure?

i don't have a formal paper diagnosis just because it was a very expensive and arduous road for me, and i was worried about workplace and medical discrimination since my dream job is in academia and im trans. i first suspected i was autistic around 14 or 15, and after talking to several autistic people, taking a lot of online screenings, and asking my sister (who has a degree in psychology), i was certain at the age of 17ish.

3 April: How good or bad is your memory for things people say? For example verbal instructions. If you're deaf: Can you lip read? Do you think your autism influences your ability to lip read?

its honestly atrocious. i have to repeat back the instructions multiple times, if i remember them at all. i definitely prefer to write things down or read them to retain information. are there any conversations going on around hyperlexia right now?

4 April: Were/are you in special education? Regular school? Home schooled? A private school? Did it change over time? Did/do you like it?

i went to poor public schools my whole life except for preschool, which was a free private program held in a nearby church basement (welcome to the south, i suppose). i was put in a lot of advanced programs for ela, but was very nearly held back because of math. by the end of high school i had taken 6 AP classes in english and history subjects and the AP Capstone program. i didn't mind school all that much, i was always a teachers favourite student because i was quiet and friendly and generous, etc. etc., but i never had friends after 4th grade until my senior year of high school.

#autism acceptence month #2023 #professor lectures #truly sorry for the long post yall i just saw this this morning and wanted to hop on the bandwagon

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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idk if u know him but i just found out that technoblade has cancer and now im really sad but it did get me a lil curious to see a small corpse x reader scenario or headcanons where reader announces they have cancer in the midst of playing with corpse and their friends on stream?

Sorry for the long wait dear but here is your request finally fulfilled. Because of my long queue I decided to go for headcanons and I hope you don't mind. If you want a full fic of this concept don't hesitate to let me know ~ XOXO, Vy 💕

Streamer gang & Reader (Gender Neutral)

TW: Mentions of suffering from cancer, Mentions of hospital visits and hospital treatment

- You had been running late for the stream you and the crew had arranged a few days prior - Because of certain problems with the system at you hospital, you had to attend your appointment that day instead of the day before, the timing clashing a bit with the timing of the stream - You sent Rae a quick text that you'd be late for the event, hoping she wouldn't ask why - And luckily she didn't - Truth be told, it's not like you were going to extreme lengths to hide your illness, you just didn't want you friends seeing you differently - Still, however, you were planning to tell them sooner or later - You always made up scenarios in your head of how it would go and only in a few were your news accepted lightly - You hated that you had to risk all those other, far less fortunate alternatives, but it was what it was and you had zero control of how they’d react so you were practically helpless in that field - That being said, you just let out a sigh every time your mind started going down that route - “Hey guys, sorry I’m late. The hospital messed up my appointment which was supposed to be YESTERDAY. So shout out to them, you guys suck. Just kidding, y’all keep me alive.” - Your friends chuckled at your comment, paying no mind to it as anything but a joke - “Time you switch hospitals then.” Toast nudges you jokingly - “Oh trust me, bro, that would be hella more complicated than just making appointments in my local one. All my paperwork, records, medical history, everything’s there. I can just about imagine how much of it would be lost if I moved.” - Corpse scoffs, amused, “Damn, you make it sound like you’re in and out of the hospital more than I am.” - You playfully roll your eyes even though he can’t see me, “Yeah, well having cancer does that to a person.” - The call goes quiet for a few moments, making you think back to what you just said, turning pale as a ghost, all you blood running cold - “Fuck-” Corpse is the first one to speak up, “That’s fucking horrible.” - “Why didn’t you tell us?” Rae follows him up, voice equally as concerned as Corpse’s, both of them clearly rattled by your confession - As is the rest of the game lobby - You fidget with your hands, your eyes stinging with sudden hot tears that are threatening to spill but you refuse to let them - The last thing you were expecting when imagining the aforementioned scenarios was crying - You thought you had come to terms with it long ago to the point where you can even joke about it but turns out you were wrong - “I-” You begin to speak but stutter because of the knot in your throat, “I didn’t want you guys to...pity me or see me any differently. I-..I wouldn’t be able to stand even you treating me like I’m fragile and overthinking everything you say in my presence.” - Your response is answered by another moment of silence before your racing mind is put to a slight ease by Corpse’s voice travelling through your headset - “Nothing will change, Y/N.” He says, tone still shaky but at least steadier than before, “You’re still the most badass impostor among us.” He pauses, “Pun was not intended, but I truly mean it.” - “Yeah, you’re still the same and so are we, this changes nothing.” Toast says reassuringly. - “However!” Rae interrupts, causing your heart to drop, “Do you promise to never again keep us in the dark about things going on in your life? We’re your friends and we wanna be there for you, don’t keep our hands tied.” - Your heart rose and dropped yet again but did so under the effect of a completely different emotion than before - joy - The tears prickling your eyes are now happy tears, ones you hadn’t let out in years - “I promise.” You say with a sniffle, “And one more thing...” - “Yeah?” Corpse says - “Thank you.”

@maat-the-prescriptive @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @itsminniekat @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat @idontknowwhatthisisfam @evi-ka @classyandfabulous00 @redperson58 @lilysdaydreams @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite @axen-gers @luckygirl144 @nj01 @buddyemily @the-albino-lioness @stardream14 @gdhdkfnn @nomadicgypsyy @preciousskye @fluffysuicideunicornsworld @o-kaelin @manacharlotte @awkward-youtube-trash @lolalee24 @bonky-beerns @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @strawbrinkofdeath @teenloves @tams0527 @browneyespinkhair @starstruckllamapuppy @daisychains012 @y0ulooked @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life @jula-pauline @melodykitty @just-that-bi-girl @crazybutconfidentaf @lowellshade @alphakees @bellero @weallneednamjesus @starryhanji @boiled-onionrings @husherstan @fockingwhore @melaningoddessthings @prettypastelpetals @haleypearce @godwhyamiawkward @y-napotat @daisychainyoonmin @little-miss-rebel3 @free-wheelin-bi-sexual @redmoon261 @darkacademic2 @wiseflamingoqueen @into-the-end @namikhai-i @nastiablr @thelittleplantlover @mirktuan @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny @vintagegothlover @easygoingtheatre @itsrandombooklover @miiaivi @emmybaybee @befourgolden @jjk-is-my-shit @eternalteaaars @spacebadgerx @princesslunalight @acequinn14 @samm48 @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa @fo-love @marishimomura-blog @therealglenncoco @cinnamonbun332 @killtherandomness @sanshinexxxsan @fee-btheweeb @press-lay @cathleenpotgieter16 @jazzydoesstuff @moonlxghtbay @forestrain2000 @hyunjinhugs @blood-of-fandoms @lovellylies @ukiyolixx @simpforhpcharacters @chrisdylan17 @parkerjisung @pedernille @theodonyous @wineandionysus @malfoystilinskii05 @morbid-x @coryisagee @jessewa26 @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365 @raeanneinwonderland @indecisive-empanada @gluttonypalace @loriane2503 @btsiguess-kpop @khaoticbunny @lucidlycactus @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @kpopgirlbtssvt @fangirl-tc27 @fr0z3n-1 @notmesimpingfortechno @shotarosleftpinky @kunoi-chan @idk-whats-wrong-with-me @yikeroonie @goldenstarofthunderclan @poetry-and-tea @ama-do-writing-stuff @wishbonewolf @emeraldxhope @t0xick1tty @kusuinko @speakyourselfloveyourself @sophia902103 @lo-manburg @classsykittykat @dmgama @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee @btsiguess-kpop @akaashi-baby @gun-jong-simp @geschichtenfee @yerapotato-wp @browneyedgirl365 @thysagclub @sparklycloudnight @helloatomicshadow @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal @lucy-bunny17 @aaliyahh0 @katluckybear @boyleanti @straybids @franchesca-791 @cosmicstorm19 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @aomi-nabi @xlanawriter @allensimpsforcorpse @sunnyrae-cessh @ladykxxx08 @meowiemari @renupf @booklover76 @sra-verissimo @beatrhizn @blueberrystigma @beatrhizn @chicken-taco-burrito @scorpios-echos

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cowboyjen68 · 3 years

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Hi jen! 20 something masc bisexual who just cant figure out if theyre a man or a woman here. I dont really feel comfortable talking about this stuff but writing anonymously is a lot less daunting and you seem like a really chill person and such a good mom. When i was youger, around 16, i cut my hair short and dressed less conventional (stopped wearing what my mom put out for me lol), bc i wanted to express myself. I didnt get the "mens" haircut i wanted originally, but i made up for it with flannels and hoodies. Slowly, occasionally, people started to ask me my sex/gender and when someone read me as male i was over the moon. By the time i was 18 i had stopped wearing makeup and tried hard to pass as male. It became pretty exhausting and my bestfriend is a very feminine guy, who usually gets read as a woman, inspired me to care less what people think i am. Im trying to take things as they come but with my mullet (thick long hair in the back) i noticed people read me as female more often than not. Its not insulting, but i cant help but feel disappointed. It felt so right when people read me as male. Im considering transitioning but i hate the idea of coming out to my family (as trans) and im scared of "being wrong about all this and screwing my body up", even thougt I like the prospect of the physical changes testosterone brings. All in all, I feel like ive been stuck in this undecided period for so long and something needs to change.

Im grateful for any words of advice :)

I am so sorry for the delay, my seasonal side jobs keep me very busy. I owe you some sincerity here because you asked and trust me to give you the truth, at least as I see it.

Of course I cannot in anyway see inside you or know the mix of emotions you have or the complex amount of experiences you have had in your 20 something life. When someone is struggling with hard questions being “PC” does no one any favors so here is my best take, but ultimately you know what is best and perhaps a therapist that will not just be a "yes" person would be very helpful.

Firstly, if you decide to transition for whatever reason, comfort, ease of experiencing the world etc, there is no rule that says you have to do anything at all to alter your body. You can be who you are within yourself. I am a lesbian and a woman whether or not some stranger on the street thinks so. (and the amount of time I am called "sir" in one day changes absolutely zero about me). Same applies to you. If you are concerned about medical or hormonal intervention you are not wrong to have caution. Anytime we take any medication from a blood pressure pill to nasal spray, doing due diligence and understanding the affects on our body is important. And each of us must take into consideration body health, genetics, dr suggestions, past medical history and the reality of what time, money and effort we are capable of exerting, especially if it means for a life time

That all being said short hair, clothes, your interests and personality are not (should not) be gendered. There is no reason a woman can’t be and exist as a female who is not always thrilled with her body (looks and function) and be a human who loves doing a myriad of things that may or may not fit what society prescribes as our gender roles.

You say you are disappointed when read as female? Why? Do you dislike that they are not seeing the real you OR because you know being read as such means, in our culture, you are seen as less capable, treated differently, perceived as weak, not as smart as men and treated as the lesser of our society simply based on your body? Either way, this is a them problem and not a you problem. You are as flawed, strong, smart, confident as you are no matter how they see you. It is not up to them to decide how human you get to be based on what sex you are. No one fits all the general attributes imposed gender roles wish for us to follow.

Ask yourself, if I transition and am still consistently read as female, how will that affect me? Will I become angry because I am putting time, effort and money into presentation and people still see what they see? Am I going to feel better able to shrug off mistakes make by quick glances or because people have known me for years because I am more true to me? Transition should happen in a vacuum, in my opinion. (disclaimer: I am not trans so perhaps this is not how trans men feel) You are who you are whether in a crowd of people or alone in a forest. Others should never make that decision or set the bar for you. EVER. They have no investment in your internal self.

Since you are asking me, this is my experience. In my early years i understood very quickly how I was treated differently when people (men and women) saw me as a little boy instead of a little girl. In my teens I saw the way girls who hit puberty before me were immediately treated sexually, will less respect and I was like” well shit”. I would have happily been seen as a boy/man and probably went to length to insure that. At 12 I was pretty confident I wanted to be or should have been a boy. My mom very colorfully explained to me there are issues with both sides and am a girl who wants what boys get in the world.. sooo get them as a girl. THEN I met other lesbians and butches and bi women who are masculine and they told me their stories.. which were just like mine. I realized to be a man I had to give up being a woman and being a woman, my reality, physically and in my upbringing (in the 1980′s and 1990″) was the best and only way to connect to other people because I was not different with them or alone. I needed to be me 24/7 not just in public, not just at parties, not just with friends, but when I was alone, at night or mowing the yard. Perception and societal opinion had nothing to do with my body, my mind, my personality.

Am I still affected by gender roles? Of course. Our society genders everything from pocket knives (camo or pink camo) to cars, abilities to shampoo! Do i sometimes let it slide when a man thinks he is talking to another man, sure.. why not? I learn somethings (some things I don’t want to know on occasion). But at the end of the day, most of the people I deal with begin to see me as a kind, capable women or...(translation: human) and when it counts I don’t want to be vague or dodgy about my sex, my gender or my sexual orientation. Who I am, who I deserved to be, my right to exist as me is too important. None of these were over night revelations. Time, experience, community as all helped me understand:

You have to live with you forever and always, don’t try to exist as the easiest way for society to view you.

#bi #masciline #butch #trans man #my opinion #personal story #lesbian

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moonlit-imagines · 3 years

Text

Headcanons for being an ex-SHIELD agent living with Sharon in Madripoor

Sharon Carter x reader

warnings:

a/n: im ngl. i forgot i had this in my drafts. SORRY.

prompt: “Can I request headcanons on living with Sharon Carter (MCU) in Madripoor, as an ex-S.H.I.E.L.D agent please?”

you followed sharon to the CIA when SHIELD fell, and everything was actually pretty okay for a while

until

you were actually an accomplice to sharon’s little avenger heist

“are you sure you want to get involved in this y/n? it’s not gonna be pretty after this” -sharon

“i’d rather be on the right side of history, carter” -you

“suit yourself” -sharon

“i think i’ll save the suits for the avengers” -you

you met steve, bucky, and sam up close while returning their things and it was one of the coolest days of your life, even though it would soon feel like the end

so you and sharon went on the run together

and it was a real nightmare

but sharon had some leads in a place called madripoor and she asked you if you’d like to join her there

of course you said yes, she was literally your partner in crime now

“we can make this work, l/n” -sharon

at first, things were rocky

and you two had to lay low to stay off the the government’s radar

but sharon was a very resourceful agent, and it wasn’t long before she moved up on the food chain

“are you sure you should be trying to gain all this power, shar? what if we get caught?” -you

“i’m doing this for us, y/n. we have no place in this world right now, it’s time that we make one” -sharon

becoming somewhat of a bodyguard to her, not like she needed it

but you were also for hire

which was steady work, especially among visitors of the lawless island

“adjusting well to your new job?” -sharon

“god, it’s so much more fulfilling than following the rules and tiptoeing around the law” -you

“we should have done this years ago” -sharon

you were honestly living in luxury after some time there and sharon was killing it as what the people were referring to as the “power broker”

feared and respected, but also anonymous

the best way to run things

honestly i think that you two would share a room and maybe even a bed just for comfort and protection

you two were still wanted and it was only a matter of time before someone figured out your identities, as a power broker or a disgraced agent

“think anyone will ever come looking for us here?” -you

“they aren’t dumb enough to step foot in madripoor” -sharon

and the sam and bucky stepped feet in madripoor <3

BUT they were not looking for you two, it was just chance that you ran into each other

“oh god, what do you want?” -you

“really, l/n? i thought we were cool?” -sam

“what gave you that impression? do you see the shithole we ended up in?” -you

“if you come back to the states, i can get you pardoned, i promise” -sam

“no thanks, y/n and i are doing just fine on our own, we don’t need your charity” -sharon

sharon was really good at putting on an act, but you knew that already considering her history of undercover work

you weren’t bad either, this was all apart of your act

and sharon convinced you to help the boys, which you regretted considering they really threw a wrench in your whole plan for more power

which you had to calm sharon down

“listen, hey, sharon, it’s not the end of our reign, alright? we could get the serum from the other soldiers and see if another scientist could replicate it. do you think that’s a plan we could pull off?” -you

“yeah, we could pull it off, but god dammit! this is why i never wanted to help them in them in the first place!” -sharon

“well, we can still use them, sharon. sam is gonna get us pardoned and we’ll have an avenger and a super soldier on our side. we just gotta put up with their shit a little longer” -you

keeping sharon cool and helping her get everything back under control so that nobody undermined her in madripoor

and eventually coming back to new york to tie up some loose ends

and splitting off from sharon to cover her ass, too

“be safe, shar. i don’t wanna go home without you” -you

“right back at you. don’t let these boys mess anything up for us” -sharon

by the time you and sharon reunited, she was in rough shape and you were freaking the hell out

“are you okay? barnes, why didn’t you get her medical attention?!” -you

“you know how she is, l/n” -bucky

“i’m fine, y/n” -sharon

“oh, bullshit, i’ll patch you up myself” -you

“no one i’d trust more” -sharon

being pardoned with sharon and knowing that she’s already got a new plan

one that would make you guys even more powerful

and you’d never leave her side

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @xuxinoir // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @brutal-out-here // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @lxncelot // @swanimagines // @randomfandomimagine // @petersgroupie // @dindjarinsspouse // @werewolf-himbo // @lost-fantasy // @legolas-with-hearing-aids // @moobrvoobl-moobmoob-oobmpoobroom // @summersimmerus // @cipheress-to-k-pop //

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spacedikut · 4 years

Text

(nearly) lost love ; spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: “hi idk if you’re taking requests but if you are i’d love to read something where the reader ends up getting hurt somehow (maybe by an unsub) and is in the hospital and spencer is super worried about her and maybe confesses his feelings for her bc he thought he was gonna lose her?? idk just something super fluffy with a little angst if you’re up for it” 2890 words

a/n: im gon na be honest idk how to write angst so i just went where the story took me????

masterlist

Spencer was proudly stood in front of his geological profile in the Austin precinct when the frantic call was made over the comms.

“Agent down! I repeat, Agent down! We need a medic!”

It was Morgan’s booming voice, firm and commanding, and Spencer first felt relief knowing at least Morgan was safe. But fear follows, prickling through his entire body when, oh no, someone on his team has been injured.

Morgan kept his comm connected. Spencer could hear all the chaos on the other end – he picked up that JJ was counting bodies, there was at least four medics requested, and, the most gut-wrenching for Spencer, was listening to Morgan repeat variations of, “Stay with me Y/N. Don’t close your eyes – listen to me, baby, stay with me, Y/N!”

You. You were the agent down.

You, who, less than two hours ago, laughed at your own joke so hard you couldn’t get it out. You, who made plans with him to go shopping for Halloween decorations that weekend (which Spencer was way too excited about, by the way). You.

You, who Spencer recently realised he’s in love with.

Why does he feel like this is his fault? He knows, logically, it isn’t – the obvious reason is because Spencer wasn’t there (which, a little voice in the back of his head says well maybe if you were there this wouldn’t have happened…) and it’s likely that this is entirely the ubsub’s fault. He attacked and you were the unlucky target.

But the history of Spencer’s love life shows there is a definite risk to being associated with him.

Is this the world’s way of telling him he shouldn’t love you? He shouldn’t tell you he loves you?

Was the big speech Derek gave him, the month they spent building Spencer’s confidence up, all for nothing? Because Spencer’s cursed?

This isn’t about you, Spencer, he thinks, angry at himself. God, you’re hurt, injuries still unknown, and he’s floundering because he’s convinced himself he’s cursed.

“Reid? You there?”

It’s Morgan, still talking through the comm, and it knocks Spencer out of his head. “Y-yeah, I’m here. Y/N? Is it Y/N? Is she okay?”

Morgan’s voice is calm and collected, as always, “Hey, kid, chill. She’s with a medic on the way to the hospital. You wanna-“

“I’ll meet you there.”

Spencer dashes out of the room.

+++

When he arrives, Hotch and JJ are waiting for him at the entrance. JJ expected Spencer to be worried, a little agitated, but she didn’t expect him to look so dishevelled and distressed. His hair, usually so well-kempt, sticks up in all directions. He abandoned his jacket and satchel at the station, obviously in a rush, and now his shoelace is untied and it’s giving JJ anxiety.

“Reid,” Hotch greets.

“How-“

“She’s fine, she’s okay,” JJ immediately says. Spencer has always said JJ knows exactly how to soothe him. “A nasty knock to the head, but she’s been taken care of and she’s resting now.”

Spencer’s whole body sighs in relief.

He sounds fragile when he asks, “Can I see her?”

JJ gives a small, bittersweet smile, then gestures for Spencer to follow her. He stays close, basically standing on her heels, the entire way to your room, where Emily is leaving.

He struts straight in, acknowledging no one, intent on seeing you and seeing you only.

You lie there, lifeless. All he can hear is the haunting sound of the heart monitor, combined with your chest minimally moving up and down being the only signs you’re alive. You’ve lost all your usual colour – Spencer recalls JJ mumbling something about you losing a lot of blood – and the whole sight makes his stomach lurch.

He walks in, and walks right back out.

Everyone shares looks of bewilderment. He did a complete 180, hardly sparing you a glance, and ran straight into the hospital’s bathroom where the team hears the distinct sound of retching.

Derek sighs and follows him. Their gazes meet: Spencer’s head barely lifting from the toilet bowl, Derek shutting and locking the bathroom door with pitying eyes.

“I’m sorry-“ Spencer starts.

“Don’t apologise. How you feeling?”

He groans in response, leaning against the wall. He begs himself to not think about all the germs and diseases that are probably infesting his body as they speak – his heart stings too much in his chest for that.

Spencer swallows the stone in his throat, grimacing at the remnants of bile, “Seeing her like that..”

“I know.”

“I never thought I’d see her like that. I’ve never wanted to see her like that and-and.. I couldn’t be there to protect her and help her-“

“None of this is your fault, Reid. It’s not your fault, or her fault, or anyone’s fault except the guy that did this. And he’s dead. And she’ll be fine. Please,” Derek warns, “Don’t guilt yourself into mayhem. I know you, and I know her, and all she wants is for you to be the first thing she sees when she wakes up. If not, or if she finds out you’re beating yourself up over this, she’ll kill you, man. With her bare hands.”

Derek’s smirking at the end of his speech because he’s right and Spencer knows it too. And Spencer can’t refrain from grinning a little at the thought of you, just gaining consciousness, and leaping from your bed to smack some sense into him.

You’re incredible. Which both pains him and makes him fall for you harder.

When Spencer rises and starts swirling his mouth out with water, Derek gives him a firm pat on the shoulder and leaves, Spencer not far behind.

This time, he won’t run out of the room like a weakling. Because it’s you and you need him to be there for you.

It’s what you’d do for him. And before that thought can go any further, he’s taking a deep breath and opening the door.

You’re still resting, looking exactly the same as when he first saw you, and his stomach jumps into his throat again – it pains him to see you like this.

But Penelope is leaning over you, fingers brushing your hair back with the trademarked tenderness that is Penelope Garcia. You’ve always called her your Fairy Godmother, your guardian angel, the true love of your life.

Maybe you’d rather see her when you first wake up.

So he stays back, lingering by the entrance of the room, until Rossi nudges him and he stumbles to the top of your bed. Right by your face, your oh-so-gorgeous but bruised face, and Spencer stares.

He can’t explain how glad he is that you’re okay. You’re here, a little beaten up, but he knows that in a couple days, maximum a week, you’ll be back in the bullpen with your quirks and nudges and warmth that is so you and he’ll never let anything come near you again.

(He knows he can’t actually do that. You wouldn’t let him. But he still thinks it, because he loves you and he’ll do anything for you)

The team silently agrees that Spencer will be the one to stay with you. At least until you wake up.

(Why? You might ask. Because you drunkenly told the girls that you’re convinced the closest thing to heaven on Earth would be waking up and Spencer Reid being the first thing you see every day. Ever since, they’ve committed themselves to trying to set you two up)

Spencer sleeps next to your bed, cramped in the uncomfortable and tiny chair, until about seven am. Then he recites some books in his head, just to pass the time. Then Penelope calls.

“I’m on my way with baked goods, Doctor. Would you like me to pick something up for you and the sleeping beauty?”

Spencer goes to decline, before looking at you, “I think Y/N would appreciate a burger. Maybe two.”

Garcia hums down the line, “You know, she’s always been full of good ideas. I’ll buy too many burgers then be on my way. Kisses!” Then hangs up.

In the meantime, Spencer scrolls through your conversation on his phone. He’d never been one for texting, or technology (notoriously), but you always send him things you think he’d like – maybe an article (he’s read every single one you’ve sent, even the one about the monkey using a frog to masturbate), a picture of a cute dog (this one looks like you, spence!!!!!!), and anything else that catches your eye.

For example, a comprehensive list of way too many “why did the chicken cross the road?” jokes.

They’re your kryptonite. Even after you explained the joke to Spencer, in depth, he still doesn’t quite understand the appeal. But you love them.

So he reads them to you.

He knows you can’t hear him. Being asleep is obviously very different to being in a coma, where people have claimed to be able to hear the people around them, but it passes the time and eases him a little. Cause he also knows that if you were awake you’d be chortling away, happy as can be. And that’s how you should always be.

Happy.

Spencer hopes he makes you happy.

Damn, he loves you.

Damn.

He has to tell you he loves you.

It feels like this need, this obligation – if he doesn’t tell you when you wake up then when will he tell you? The next time you’re injured?

The thought sends him reeling.

No matter the outcome, you need to know. He needs to tell you.

“Why did the rooster cross the road?” He reads aloud, “To cockadoodle dooo something.”

He’s cheesing at his screen, at the audacity and stupidity of these jokes. But they’re sweet, just like you, and they take everyone prisoner when it comes to making people smile.

“That was a good one.” You heh.

Your voice is croaky after not being used in hours, but it’s still the same dreamy voice Spencer loves to hear.

You’re awake. And already smiling, which is one hell of a win in Spencer’s book.

“Good morning.” He whispers.

“It’s morning?” You ask, moving your head slowly to see outside your window. “At least I got a full night’s sleep for once.”

“Should you really be joking in your condition?” Spencer teases, leaning to fluff your pillow when you wince.

You exhale deeply, “And what is my condition, exactly?”

“You look as sexy as ever, buttercup.”

Garcia’s grinning from the doorway, Derek the same from behind her, two bags of food in her hands.

You’re ecstatic when you say, “Penny!” Trying to hide the pain when she hugs you. You’re too happy to see her to turn down her love.

She dishes out the burgers and, as expected, you ask if there’s another in there for you. You chomp happily, despite the dull ache still present, chatting jovially with the three of them.

Penelope gets caught up in telling you about the most recent documentary she saw. When he notices, Derek nods towards the door, making Spencer furrow his eyebrows in confusion. What does he want?

Derek does it again and Spencer gets it. He lifts from his seat the same time Derek does, saying nothing until they’re out of the room and the door has shut behind them.

“I’m gonna make Penelope leave-“ Derek begins, and Spencer stutters.

“What? Why? Is everything okay?”

Derek chuckles at Spencer’s reaction, “Kid, everything’s fine. You just gotta tell her.”

Spencer doesn’t even try to pretend he doesn’t know what Derek’s referring to. He peeks through your door’s window, staring directly at you as you giggle at something Penelope says.

“Do I?” He ponders. “It could-“

“Nope. We’re not doing that “it could ruin everything” spiel. You’re an adult, she’s an adult, and adults don’t play around with feelings like this. Tell. Her.” Derek’s got both hands on Spencer’s shoulders, grip tightening and loosening sporadically as he talks. He looks like a football coach giving a pep talk before the big game, and Spencer feels invigorated.

“Alright.” Spencer nods once, “Let’s do this.”

“I will remove Penelope Garcia from the premises.”

They nod at eachother and move back into your room.

+++

When Penelope is pulled from your room by Derek, stumbling and muttering and stuttering, all you do is blink in confusion.

“What’s going on there?” You say, speaking out of the side of your mouth, as if you’re sharing a secret.

Spencer doesn’t answer. You turn to look at him, another question on your tongue, but the words die when you see his facial expression.

It’s so tender. So soft, and gentle, the littlest of smiles on his lips as his cheeks darken.

“If I tell you something really dramatic right now, do you think you could handle that?”

Your head tilts, brows furrowed, looking far too endearing with your bandaged head.

He clears his throat, “I just-just need to make sure it won’t overwhelm you.”

You don’t know what to expect, but you agree anyway. Is this why Derek and Penelope left?

“I vomited when I saw you in bed. In this bed. In hospital.” He begins.

“Oh, thanks, Spence,” You tease.

“No- no. Hear me out!” He gives a little laugh, hands coming up in defence. “I don’t have a script, and statistically, both men and women speak around sixteen-thousand words a day – I want these ones to be special. Because you’re special.”

You’re still visibly confused. You clasp your hands together in your lap, “I’m listening. You have my full attention.”

Having your full attention is terrifying and electrifying at the same time. Spencer wants you to know that.

“You make me feel things, you know.” He reveals, “Things I’ve only ever read about, fantasised about – you know… things.”

This is going terribly. For a man who’s read the dictionary more times than he cares to count (he does care to count – twenty two times), he is very much struggling to explain himself to you.

Deep breath. From the start.

“It’s alright, Spence,” You console, hand resting on his closed ones. “Take your time.”

He does. He takes a few more breaths. “I don’t know where to start so- so bear with me.”

“Always.”

Why do you have to make his heart race like that?

“What?”

Oh. He said that out loud.

Well. Might as well repeat it.

“I said,” Louder this time, “Why do you have to make my heart race like that?”

“I’m sorry?”

“No. No- I like it. I like you, that’s what I’m trying to say. Maybe not like since Derek told me we’re not in high school, kid,” He lowers his voice to impersonate Derek, “But the l word is scary, especially when I don’t know how you’re gonna react. But whatever you say, however you react, we’ll be okay. I know we will. I just need you to know how you make me feel and how-how good I think I’d treat you, I guess.”

It feels like your silence goes on forever. Then you quietly ask, “And how do I make you feel, Spence?”

“Like I’ve never felt before. I meant it when I said you make me feel things I’ve only read about – you’re so easy to love, you know that? Infuriatingly so. And you’re so open – I think that’s what drew me in at first. You knew nothing about Doctor Who, but you heard I was asking around for someone to go with me to that convention and you said you were available if I wanted you and I… I had to practice how to ask you in the mirror for three days straight. Of course I want you, Y/N. I think I always have.”

His voice is timid when he asks, afraid of what the answer might be.

“Do you think you want me too?”

“Are you crazy?!” You cry out.

The volume makes Spencer jump. Then he registers what you said and slumps, rejection seeping in.

“Spencer-“ You say, exasperated, “You’re the most incredible person I know. I tell you all the time cause I mean it.” You give a short laugh, “How could you even think that I wouldn’t feel the exact same? I’m kind of obsessed with you, Spence.”

The shock on his face melts into pure joy. Is this really happening? You..

“I want you an embarrassing amount, Spencer Reid. I always have and I always will.”

He doesn’t know what overcomes him, but he leaps forward and smashes your lips together. It’s messy and a little clunky, teeth hitting together and mouths unable to stop grinning, but it’s perfect. Everything you could’ve asked for in your first kiss with Spencer.

It’s perfect. He’s perfect.

And he thinks the exact same of you.

He pulls back, heart racing and entire body burning, strong hands cradling your head. It doesn’t take a profiler to realise the two of you, foreheads leaning against eachother, are the happiest you’ve been in a long time.

“You taste like burger.” Spencer breathes, soft and low.

You giggle. “You taste like coffee and burger.”

His lips quirk, raising an eyebrow, “You like it?”

You hum, rubbing your nose against his, “I like it a whole lot. I like you a whole lot.”

Spencer kisses you again.

And again.

“Glad to know we’re on the same page.”

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #mine #i like this one! i think #does anyone else struggle infinitely with titling fics #i go with the randomest shit lol

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skycollides · 3 years

Note

Billy Russo with a reader with healing powers

Healing

Billy Russo x Reader

Authors note: I apologize in advance for grammar mistakes

English isn’t my native language.

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist

Warning: Mentions blood, happy end

Words: 614

Curtis called you panicking that he needed another hand. Billy and Frank decided to take down Rawlins on their own and got hurt.

So here you are in some warehouse out if the city.

’’What the hell is this place?’’ you say.

’’Don’t ask’’ Curtis says.

’’Well but I do ask’’

’’Really Y/n just help me patch them up. Now come with me.’’

Once you’ve reach Billy and Frank you finally see the damage that’s been done.

’’Not bad guys not bad. I knew you two weren’t them brighter but trying to take that psycho down on your own. What the hell were you two thinking?’’ you scold them like school boys.

’’Babe you have to see it this way. At the end of the day mission accomplished. Rawlins is that and Frank and I that’s collateral damage.’’

’’What the hell was I thinking when I started dating a marine. I knew you went on suicide missions over there but I didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to do it here. Jesus guys.’’

’’Sorry Y/n’’ both Billy and Frank say.

’’We should get started before they loose more blood Y/n’’ Curtis say worried.

’’Get me some water Curtis. Today I’m in charge. We’re doing this my way.’’

’’You don’t have any medical education Y/n. This is insane.’’ he argues.

’’Curtis do me a favor and stop arguing. I know what I’m doing okay!’’

’’You’re sexy when you’re angry babe.’’ Billy says.

’’Did you know that in the middle age they cut off peoples tongues. Don’t tempt me here Russo. Boyfriend or not don’t tempt me.’’ you say while glaring at him.

’’And stop laughing Castle or you’re next.’’

’’Here’’ Curtis says and hands you the water.

’’What I’m about to tell you and what happens next doesn’t leave this building do you hear me guys?! NEVER talk about this.’’ you say and mix the things you’ve brought with the water. And began to work.

’’As a child I knew I was different than other children. At one point my grandma sat me down and told me about our family history. We are healers. And no Im not joking. Like real healers with healing powers. Our ancestors were burned for that shit int the middle age.’’ Frank chuckles not believing a word. Billy is smiling and shaking his head and Curtis. Curtis is loosing his mind for believing you about the whole I know what I’m doing thing.

As soon as Billys wounds are healed they all stare at you with wide eyes.

’’Sweetheart you weren’t kidding.’’ you says shocked.

’’Told you. Your turn Frank.’’ you say and begin healing him too.

’’Honestly guys you have to promise me that no on is ever gonna fond out about this or I’m going to be in great danger. I’m not kidding. My mom was killed because of her powers.’’ you say sadly.

’’Not a word Y/n you have our word. Right guys?’’ Billy says and they agree.

’’Looks like we’re done here guys. Do me a favor the whole healing thing is really tiring for me. Promise me not to get hurt that often okay?’’

’’We try not to Y/n’’ Frank says.

’’C’mon baby I’ll take you home.’’ Billy says wrapping his arm around your shoulder leading you to your car.

’’Thank you for doing this for Frank and I but most importantly thank you for trusting us with your secret. I love you Y/n’’

’’Your welcome and I love you too Billy. Please take me home now I’m really exhausted.’’

’’Your wish is my command little healer.’’

’’idiot’’

’’Your idiot’’ he says and the both of you laugh.

Taglist:

@justatiredfool

@ainhoabarnes

@artemisausten

@yourwonkywriter

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #marvel the punisher #ben barnes character

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marmaligne · 3 years

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Hello! May I get a Kimetsu no Yaiba Matchup 👉👈 My name is Millie and I think im an xnfj and a virgo yahyah! I have no preference for gender :O. A few facts about me is that I have severe idiopathic hypersomnia, which is a sleep disorder (similar to narcolepsy) where I am always sleepy and have sleep attacks unless I take the corresponding medication 😴. I'm also an entomologist, I keep caterpillars, snails, and soon frogs and i want to start beekeeping soon. Im pretty shyer with pda and when i first meet people since i have social anxiety, but i am more chill in solitary areas or if ive known someone for long! I love music and am a classical musician that plays violin!!!! Lastly, i am really appreciative of culture and traditional clothing and can speak Spanish, Japanese, and Norweigen (Im even looking at getting a Bunad!) Thank you so much for your time! (if a matchup spot is available great! if one's not no worries! ty anyways!)

✨ Sorry for the long wait, but thank you for the ask, also eyyy fellow bug lover, I used to keep green rose chafer beetles and snails myself ✨

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I Match You With: 🦋 SHINOBU KOCHŌ 🦋

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* Shinobu [胡蝶しのぶ] is a very “relaxed” person, and though she may seem apathetic and sarcastic at times [even though she might not mean to be] she cares a great deal for you! She has no interest in your personality type or otherwise, as long as your actual personality is kind and welcoming!

* She is an Aquarius whereas you are a Virgo! According to astrology, you are the least likely people to be seen together! AQ’s and VI’s don’t often get along with each other, or rather they aren’t supposed to since your signs are quite opposite of each other. Air vs. Earth; two sides of the same coin. Relations between the two aren’t really explored, but since it’s Shinobu, she’ll probably work things out anyways!

* Be warned: she tries her hardest to take after her sister! She likes to act and be dignified and graceful and compassionate even if she wants to scream and cry sometimes. She appreciates that your passion for your little bug pals also extends to her, and any effort you put into making her day just a little bit better does wonders.

* She takes interest in your entomology studies! As a master of poisons as she is, especially those that derive from insects, she has a vast knowledge and like of many venomous and non-venomous species! Her knowledge even extends to other branches of zoology, that deal with arachnids, myriapods, and crustaceans! She’d be happy to share her wisdom with you!

* Heck, her haori and kyahan are both tailored to a butterfly design and pattern, passed on through her family and by her sister. You can obviously tell what her favourite animal is, don’t ever tease her about it though!

* Understands that you can sometimes become tired unexpectedly, and fall asleep at random intervals. Don’t worry! She’ll always make sure you take the correct medications and dosages, she’ll even go on experimenting in hopes of finding a medication with more prolonged effects!

* Always makes sure to carry a pillow around wherever she goes with you. She keeps a supply of meds and other supplies in a woven bamboo basket similar to Tanjiro’s, though nobody normal dares to ask what’s inside, fearing it be a demon or a human body, maybe a weapons storage.

* Intimidation +1000. Guy tries to hit on you? Dead. Girl tries to hit on you? Dead. Any other person tries to hit on you? Also dead. Not actually, but they’ll wish they were. Shinobu’s cold stare and silent demeanour is far more terrifying than even Sanemi’s anger, and has made a grown man cry far more than once.

* She understands if you dislike public affection. To be honest, with her apart of the Demon Slaying Corps, she’s not sure she’d be up to even holding hands with you in public either. Don’t get her wrong, it’s not because she doesn’t love you, and definitely not because she doesn’t want to! She’s just so internally terrified of any demon or ill-meaning human thinking you a perfect target to make her break down.

* She has her fair share of enemies, demon or otherwise, she is highly unwilling to let you out onto the battlefield, or anywhere really, but understands that you require personal space and privacy, and knows that you being with her means that you also understand the potential consequences that being together can bring.

* She’ll still hold your hand in the privacy of her’s or your own homes though, don’t think she won’t.

* She’s also a big fan of culture and language, especially the more traditional aspects of it! Growing up as she had in 1900’s Japan had it’s perks after all! She’s lived through an era of development, and she’s seen the more western takes on things, even if she doesn’t participate in the cultural curve itself.

* She’s respectful and highly admiring of other cultures besides her own, and has heard stories through the grapevine of myths and legends and histories all over the world. She thinks it’s magnificent you can speak so many languages! And her own? My my, what an intelligent one you are! You have far more knowledge than even some of the smartest people she knows! And she’s surrounded by plenty!

* Come sit with her in her library, read and translate the texts of other areas with her, share in the wonders of the world, right in the comfort of home!

* Highly interested in your ability to play music, especially since it’s more towards the classical elements! She herself plays the traditional Japanese Hocchiku [法竹] or vertical bamboo flute once in a rainy day! She’ll play with you when she has the time, she promises!

* She’ll sometimes play or even sing for you whenever you get anxious. She’ll make sure to sooth any and all social or general anxieties you have, regardless of whether or not you think they’re insignificant or silly! Don’t worry, she’s got your back! [Literally though she’s right behind you-]

* If you ever tell her openly about your love of traditional clothing and accessories. 👀 She’s gotchu. Your closet is now full of everything from hakama to kimonos, depending on your preferences! Don’t hesitate to try anything on, she bought it for you after all. She expects you to put on a fashion show for her however, she can understand if her appreciation makes you a bit embarrassed!

* All in all, 15/10, very good partner, loves very much. And if at some point you just want to be friends? She doesn’t mind staying besties as long as you can still hang out!

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✨ Hope you enjoyed ✨

#matchup #kny #kny x reader #kny matchup #kimetsu no yaiba shinobu #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #shinobu kochō #shinobu x reader

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angstysebfan · 4 years

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Laser-Like Focus - Chapter 5

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Summary: You met Bucky while working with the Avengers. You fell in love and got married. One thing you had in common was to kill all members of HYDRA. Bucky for his known reasons, and you because they killed your parents in front of you when you were a little girl. Soon your focus on HYDRA pulled you and Bucky apart. He decided to leave the Avengers and after a long separation, sent you divorce papers. He comes back to get the signed papers, as he is about to get married again. But everything with you and Buck is an adventure.

Bucky felt his blood run cold as he ran in the direction of the second explosion. Where you just ran to. When he turned the corner there was rubble everywhere. “Y/N!” he called, with no answer. He continues to trek through the debris looking for any sign of you. His heart beating so fast in fear.

“Agent Y/L/N?!” he hears Jonah shout, as he also comes around the corner. Both men stop and stare at each other. “Shouldn’t you be protecting your girlfriend, or whatever?” Jonah spat at him as he went to walk past. Bucky grabbed his arm, “First of all, Melissa is my fiancé, and she is safe, and second of all, why is Y/N any concern of yours?” Bucky sneers.

Jonah pulls his arm away and continues past Bucky looking for you. Both men climb over a mountain of rubble and finally find you. You are partially pinned under a slab of concrete from a leveled building. “Y/N!” Bucky shouts before running up to you. “Buck? Jonah?” you question as both men come into your line of site. “Can someone help get me out of this?” you say looking at Bucky. He started to partially lift the concrete as Jonah pulled you from under your arms and gets you out from under the rubble.

Before Bucky as a chance to look you over, Jonah sweeps you up into his arm and starts carrying you away. You look back at Bucky and give him a small smile, “Thanks Buck,” you say as Jonah climbs the mountain of debris. Bucky watches you both go and takes a deep breath. He hasn’t felt fear like that in awhile. It was terrible and exhilarating at the same time.

He quickly got himself out of rubble and ran back to Melissa who was sitting back at the command center. When she sees him she gets up and runs into his arms, hysterically crying. “Where did you go? I was so scared,” Melissa says. Bucky freezes, “I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t think,” he says and he tightens his hold on her. He looks to the medical tent and sees you getting checked out, with Jonah sitting next to you, making you laugh.

He can’t help the jealousy he feels for a moment, but then he hears the sniffles from the woman in his arms and decides to not pay you attention. Once Melissa calms down, Bucky pulls her back and looks into her eyes. He sees she is scared and is considering calling the rest of the day off and taking her home. He shouldn’t be here anyway. But he wants to stay at the same time. He honestly has missed this.

“Melissa, I think you need to...” “Hey anyone want to go to the tower to regroup and eat?” Tony shouts, interrupting Bucky. Everyone, including you nod your head in agreement. “Alright Avengers, lets head over, Agents let us know of any update,” you say as you start walking toward Wanda and Natasha. Bucky looks at Melissa, “Do you want to go?” he asks. Melissa nods before snuggling into Bucky’s chest.

Back at the tower Bucky ran to shower off all the mud from the mission while everyone sets Melissa up with food. They start talking about all war stories of missions come and gone. Suddenly Bucky re-emerges, “Oh, food smells good,” he says with a smile, as the two of you almost walk into each other. You both dance around awkwardly for a moment before you stop. You quickly walked around Bucky and headed to your room to shower and check you bandages.

Bucky sits across from Melissa and gives her a small smile as he listens to the war stories the team was telling. Sam shouts, “Remember Bucky that time you and Y/N ran after that head HYDRA guy. You guys went so off course that we were scared we would never find you,” he says with a laugh. Bucky chuckles, “Yeah, I just wanted to make sure she didn’t kill herself,” Bucky responds.

“Why is she upset with these people?” Melissa asks. Everyone in the room goes quiet and sobers up. Melissa looks around wondering why everyone was staring at her, “Was that a bad question?” she asks. Bucky looks at her and shakes his head, “It’s... it’s not our story to tell, but they did something really bad to her years ago,” he says. She looks at him, “And why were you so obsessed?” she asks.

Tony drops his fork in surprise, “You don’t know about Bucky’s history?” he asks. Bucky glares at him, “She knows the basics,” he says to Tony before turning to Melissa, “HYDRA are the people that did this to me, “ he says raising his metal arm. Melissa’s eyes widen, “They... they are the ones who made you bad?” she asks. Bucky slowly nods, nervous of her reaction. Melissa takes a deep breath, “Ok, well I think they have what’s coming then,” she says.

You are brushing your hair into a ponytail after your shower. You have a new suit on, and feel so much better. There is a small knock and you turn to the door to see Nat, “Sound’s like old times in there,” she says with a small smile. You nod and look down, “it does,” you say quietly, “but it’s different. He is... different,” you say, trying to keep the tears in.

Nat walks closer to you, “Doesn’t sound so different to me. Didn’t look different when he ran after you,” she says with a smirk. “It feels different,” you say, a tear running down your cheek. “I pushed him away, and was too focused on what I wanted that I didn’t notice. Now he has her, and she supports him, and treats him so much better than me.” you sniff. “He doesn’t want me anymore,” you say.

Nat wraps you up into a tight hug, “But he is here,” she says quietly in your ear. “He is here, and there has to be a reason,” she says. You pull away and wipe your nose with your wrist. “To prove Jonah and everyone wrong. That he didn’t run away, that he chose to leave me,” you say. Nat gives you a sympathetic smile, “I know that’s what he said, but I don’t know if that’s the truth,” she says before leading you back out to the common room.

Bucky looks up as you both walk in and see your eyes are slightly bloodshot. He furrows his eyebrows in wonder what has you upset, but before he has a chance to check, Steve runs in, “Agent Miller just called in and said they spotted one of the informants, not too far from here,” he says. You all quickly jump up and run out to the waiting vehicles.

“Sam, can you bring Melissa to the command center and keep her safe?” he asks Sam. “Sure thing Tinman! Let me know if you guys need more air support, I will be on the comms,” Sam says. He leads Melissa to a separate truck after she gives Bucky a quick kiss goodbye.

Bucky runs up after you and jumps in the front seat with you before you pull out and head to the area where the informant was seen.

Chapter 4 / Chapter 6

Reader finally understands what her actions did, but it’s too late. I’m allowing myself to feel bad for her. You don’t have to agree, but when you have such a focus on things, sometimes you don’t realize what you are doing. Feedback is appreciated.

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#Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #Bucky angst #bucky fanfic #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader

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