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candyfloss5000 · 5 months

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SFW alphabet

Nathan Prescott's SFW alphabet!!!

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A - affection (how affectionate are they with you?)

In public, Nathan's affection towards you is dropped down to holding hands, an arm around your shoulder or waist. You'll get a kiss, if you're lucky. He isn't big on PDA because his parents raised him to think that showing your love for someone in public is inappropriate and frowned upon.

But when you're all alone, it's a whole different story. If you're trying to concentrate on something, Nathan will make it his life goal to distract you and steal affection from you. Whenever you're alone together, he's holding onto you in some way whether it's having you sat on his lap, or just holding onto you in some way.

B - best friend (how are they as a bestie?)

Fucking insane. Expect to do some crazy ass shit 24/7. He'll hang around you like a lost puppy, whether you're doing weed somewhere, or terrorising the neighbourhood

C - cuddles (how do they cuddle?)

This man will cuddle you in any position, as long as he's touching you he doesn't care. Although, in the beginning of your relationship he was very tense when it came to cuddling you and physical touch in general. He didn't want to be seen as vulnerable or weak, because he was scared that you were going to make fun of him for it. Because of this, he resulted to spooning you, so he could still hold but be able to not show how much he's enjoying it.

Now, he prefers to be held by you, because he knows that you won't laugh at him for it and you won't tell anyone. He'll also just lay ontop of you and rest his head on your chest.

D - domestic (their thoughts on settling down)

Nathan has never had a domestic moment in his entire life, until he met you that is. He does want to spend his entire life with you, but he isn't prepared to drop everything and become a normal citizen of society yet. He wants to spend his youthful years as rebellious as he can, but not to the point where it could ruin both your lives.

E - ending (how would a breakup go?)

A breakup with anyone else, wouldn't bother Nathan the slightest bit. But with you, he would actually lose his mind. Expect alot of shouting and yelling, then sobbing and begging for you to stay. Nathan has spent so much time with you, the thought of you splitting up never crossed his mind, so he was really shocked. He would start spiralling downwards rapidly. Not attending his therapy sessions, not taking his pills, lashing out at everyone. All he wants is you and that's the one thing he can't have.

F - fiancée (how do they feel about commitment?)

Nathan was originally very weary of commitment, purely because he feared that you'd leave him like everyone else. But after a year of you dating, he realised he couldn't picture his life without you. Nathan was raised to think that marriage is the best way a relationship could go. So, he waited a little while after you both graduated before very nervously popping the question. Obviously, you said yes. (If you dont I'll personally murder you for crushing this poor boy's heart)

G - gentle (how gentle are they with you?)

You know that Nathan is the most rigid person to ever have existed and won't hesitate to through someone out of a window. Which is why you were so shocked when he held you so delicately as if you'd break like glass. And the way he speaks to you is so timid and soft, a tone he's never used with anyone else. You're the only thing in his life that he actually gives a shit about, so he's going to protect you at all costs.

H - hugs (their thoughts on hugs)

He's not a very big fan of hugs. He'll side hug you tho, wrapping his arm around your waist to bring her hips next to his. The only time he'll accept hugs, is if you reward him with a kiss aswell.

I - I love you (who's the first to say it and how often is it said?)

Surprisingly, Nathan was the first to say it. It happened when you were comforting him after one of his many nightmares. He tucked his head under your chin and you ran your fingers through his hair. You let him sob and tell you all about it, while comforting him. Nathan realised in this moment, how this is the first and only time someone has treated him so gently and softly. In comparison, everyone else treats him like trash. So, in the darkness of the night he muttered a small, "I love you." And his heart was pounding agaisnt his ribcage as he waited for your response. "I love you too, idiot." You said back, kissing his forehead.

You only share "I love yous" in intimate and private moments. Nathan doesn't like the idea of just saying it every five seconds, because then he thinks it loses it's meaning. So, you both always cherish your "I love you" moments because you can tell how sincere it is.

J - jealousy (how jealous do they get?)

Jesus Christ, this man can go from zero to one hundred real quick. If he sees you having a conversation with a guy he isn't friends with for a little too long, he's marching over and making an obvious display that your taken. If he sees someone straight up flirty with you, he'll straight up tell them to fuck off. When they eventually leave, he'll kiss you with a burning desire, as if proving that you're all his. Despite all of this, he's never angry at you. He'll never say that you were purposely leading the guy on or anything. He trusts your loyalty.

K - kisses (their thoughts on kissing)

Nathan's all for kissing and making out, but not so much in public. He'll stick his tongue down your throat to his heart's content in the safety of your rooms, but not in public. He'll kiss your cheek, or peck your lips quickly in public, so people don't see him as soft and vulnerable.

But drunk and high Nathan is a whole over story. He'll take you to a quieter area of a Vortex party and press himself agaisnt you while you're backed up agaisnt a wall. You can't say you don't love him like this, but you do remind him that you can't do this here because of how fast photos and videos spread around Blackwell. You don't want him to do something he'll regret while he's not even sober.

L - little ones (their thoughts on having children)

Honestly, Nathan is fucking terrified of having kids. Purely because, he fears that he'll turn into his father. If it ever were to happen, he definitely wants to be in the right state of mind, not on any illegal drugs and not drinking any alcohol. He really doesn't want to fuck up raising his kids, like he has with everything else (his opinion).

If his father comments on how he thinks that Nathan is doing a shit job as a dad, his heart will shatter into a million pieces, because someone confirmed his biggest fear. But you and his sisters make sure to tell his dad to shut the fuck up and assure Nathan that he is doing a good job and he is a good dad.

M - mornings (how do mornings usually go?)

When you're still in Blackwell, mornings last only for a couple of minutes. You wake up from the light bleeding through the curtains and listen to the students starting their day in their dorms. You and Nathan sleepily talk about how shit your days are gonna be, while pressing lazy kisses to each other's skin.

When you're on summer break, or you've graduated and in your own home, your mornings are so much more relaxed. You stay in bed for atleast two hours, holding each other and telling each other how beautiful you think one another are with sleepy voices. It takes you atleast half an hour to convince Nathan that you actually need to start your day.

N - nights (how do your nights go?)

When you're still at Blackwell, your nights start with one of you sneaking into the other's room. Then, you watch a movie on his laptop and cuddle in bed, sleepy kisses passed between you both before sleep consumes you.

When your on summer break, or you've graduated and living in your own home, nights are more calm and layed back. You huddle up under the covers and do whatever you want. Watch a movie, talk about your days, make out 👀. You end up falling asleep way later than you do when you were at Blackwell, as you have more freedom over your schedules.

O - open (how open are they about your relationship?)

It takes a few months for Nathan to annouce your dating, he just wants to make sure that this isn't just a fling or something and that it's for real. He doesn't show PDA alot, but people know that your dating, mostly because Nathan wouldn't let anyone get as physically close to him as you do if you were just friends.

P - patience (how much patience do they have with you?)

Nathan is alright with you requiring some time to figure something out in your relationship, considering how much time he needs in your relationship aswell. If you need him with you alot of the time, he doesn't mind that either. He admires your presence.

Q - quizzes (how much do they remember about you? Like little details?)

It might not seem like it, but Nathan is very observant of the things you say. He makes mental notes of your interests that you've mentioned and stuff you've said you want. Which is why he's an amazing gift giver. If you say you like something as a one off, months later on your birthday he's got it wrapped up for you. "Nathan, this was five hundred dollars!" "So?"

R - remember (their favourite memory with you)

Nathan's favourite memory of him and you is your first kiss. He took you to the lighthouse and you were looking out at the sea, a golden ray of sunshine lighting up your face. Discreetly, Nathan pulled out his camera and snapped a photo of you, causing you to turn to him. You tried to grab his camera to delete the photo, but he raised it above his head, where you couldn't reach. You were up on your tiptoes, trying to snatch the camera, not realising how close you and Nathan were. You stumbled forward a little and Nathan instinctively wrapped an arm around your waist to steady you. You looked into his eyes and he looked into yours. Before you knew it, his lips were on yours.

S - security (how protective are they of you?)

This man is able to act as your boyfriend and your gaurd dog. It's well known around the school that Nathan and you are an item and that your both off limits. So, when the oblivious new kid was trying to hit on you, Nathan was beyond fuming. You're surprised there wasn't any steam coming out of his ears. Nathan was fully prepared to smash the new kid's nose into sidewalk, but you felt bad for him and let him down easy, telling him that you already had a boyfriend. That's when Nathan appeared. You subconsciously stepped inbetween them, knowing that Nathan was about to become uncontrollable. The kid hastily left after seeing the dirty look Nathan was throwing his way over your shoulder. That's the plus of having a gaurd dog boyfriend, he's an asshole but he's your asshole, so you can some what calm down his anger.

T - try (how much effort do they put into dates, anniversaries etc)

When it comes to dates, Nathan uses his rich boy privileges. He takes you out of Arcadia Bay and into a nice town that has an even nicer restaurant. As much as you love that Nathan has spent all this money on you, you don't like these type of dates as much as you would like. You know, that Nathan isn't being his real self when he does things like this, he's just doing it because this is what a stereotypical boyfriend should do. You prefer it when he takes you to quieter places within Arcadia Bay, like the Two Whales, the lighthouse and the beach at sunset.

When it comes to anniversaries, Nathan only cares about the main ones, like when you two got together and when you got married etc. He doesn't really care that much about the more little ones. But he does go all out for anniversaries, again because he knows that this is what a boyfriend/husband should stereotypically do. He gets you expensive gifts and takes you to the lighthouse, where you share so many fond memories.

U - ugly (a bad habit of theirs)

Nathan has a habit of putting his status first beyond anything else. Which means that sometimes he does stuff that he doesn't really want to do, purely because it will make him look cooler and boost his popularity. This is why he doesn't like PDA, because he fears that people will make fun of him for loving someone.

V - Vanity (how insecure are they?)

Nathan is very insecure about so many things. He's made this facade that he presents infront of everyone, so they don't get to see the damage behind it. You can see right through it, but you'd never call him out on it. You both have a silent agreement that when he let's his gaurd down with you it stays between the two of you.

W - whole (do they feel while when they're with you?)

Yes, one hundred per cent. He feels so complete and content when he's with you, because he knows he doesn't have to act like someone else. He can just be him. And you love seeing the real Nathan and how you can now understand him so much better.

X - xtra (a random headcannon)

Nathan can't sleep in silence. He needs a tv on, or his laptop playing something, or a playlist playing on his phone. He can't sleep without something playing in the background, because when he's left in silence he over thinks things too much. The sound distracts him and eases his mind.

Y - yuck (a personality trait they hate)

Nathan hates it when people try to get close to him just for popularity, or just to try and get closer to the Prescott family. He can't stand people using him and he doesn't have time for it. So, if someone tries that with him he tells them to fuck off and he can ruin their lives in a millisecond.

Z - zzz (sleeping habits)

Nathan has to sleep holding onto you somehow. He has to be holding onto your arm, or keeping one of your legs entangled with his own. This isn't really sleeping habit, but he has a fucked up sleep schedule. Like he'll wake up at five in the morning one night and then only just get into bed at five in the morning another night. #fixthisman'ssleepschedule

#life is strange #life is strange x reader #nathan prescott #nathan prescott x reader #chloe price #max caulfield #victoria chase #Kate marsh #warren graham #rachel amber

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obeyme-lost-thought · 11 months

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Headcanon: Brothers making you sin

Imagine a MC that doesn't sin a lot... that lives near the 7 demon Avatar of the Deathly Sin.

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Lucifer with an humble Mc

We are talking about the Avatar of Pride; how can the person he has a pact with be humble?! Within 1 month he will make you sin more than you should. He will shower you with compliments and get used to accepting them.It will make you savor the feeling of being the best at something and then you won't be able to do without it. You will start training to excel at everything. You have become a pile of pride and he is happy about it. You don't admit that you are the best, but you want to be. Sometimes you overestimate yourself, but that's his sin, isn't it?

Mammon with an loadable Mc

What do you mean you make donations? Start making yourself more indifferent and thinking more about yourself. If you want something, he gives it to you, so you start believing that if you want something, you must have it. Without realizing all those things that you denied yourself because you had to save money, you start buying them. Lucifer's New Money Problem: Yes.

Levi with a Mc that admires the others

Levi doesn't care so much whether you sin or not of his sin. But when he starts to notice that you admire others without ever wanting what they have... Create a strategy to make yourself a little envious (he's always a General)

"Wow, it's so beautiful their skin"

"It's you that should have it, not them"

"What ?"

Only he knows how he managed to succeed in his intent. His demonic influence probably played a part.

Satan with a calm Mc

Like Levi, he's quite chill with your composure. What he can't stand is that if they insult you you don't answer. Don't rebel, don't raise your voice when needed. Come on! Do you have such a low opinion of yourself? His plan is a mix of demonic influence and manipulation. First of all, he wants to see you angry for whatever reason, so he teases you a little. When you finally lose your temper he is so happy.

"So, it feel good letting out your anger?"

Asmodeus with a MC with low self-esteem

When you don't wear the shirt he gave you because you don't think you're beautiful, he bursts into tears. You're gorgeous, how can you not know that? Like Lucifer every day will shower you with compliments. Through shock therapy he will take you to all the parties he is invited to. Obviously every demon has already been informed threatened that they owe you compliments; somebody doesn't do it? Crazy ... and dead. You'll get to the point of considering yourself stupid sooner... You're amazing and you know it! When you were walking with Asmo one day and a demon insulted you, you answered him properly. Asmo was so happy

Beel and MC eating problems

First he will take you to all your favorite restaurants. Must make you love food again. Extreme demonic influence: You are always sitting next to him during meals. You were once so under the influence of her power, you ate until you threw up. Lucifer was pissed but Beel was happy he could make you eat not until you feel sick though

Belphie with an active Mc

Don't take it badly, he loves your energy, but when you get too busy and try too hard, he gets worried. You need to take breaks. So he starts manipulating you by offering to "help" him into doing things that end up with you 2 falling asleep. Slowly so you learn to appreciate that hour of rest, even if you have to postpone your commitments. You may not reach the level of Belphi, but he is happy with your breaks at the expense of your work

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#obeyme #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me beelzebub #obey me mammon #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me luficer #obey me satan #obey me mc #obey me main character #obey me gn!mc #obey me gender neutral mc #obey me headcanons #obey me demon brothers #obey me sin

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okayprocrastinator · 2 months

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Thoughts about jonmartin from a future therapist (in grad school)

Half of you are going to hate me and half are going to love me for this, but I need to say it: jonmartin is toxic. Yes, even S5 jonmartin.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship as much as the next person, but looking at it from a therapeutic standpoint is so hard not to do (for me lol). I’ll explain:

Jon and Martin’s bond is 100% trauma-based.

In reality, this can go okay if the trauma bond moves from shared traumatic experiences to things the couple actually has in common. But Jon and Martin never have a chance to get their relationship out of the survival stage.

This too might have been acceptable if we hadn’t seen what their relationship was like before the trauma bond. Jon hated Martin, and not just out of a misunderstanding - he fundamentally disliked Martin because of who they both were as people.

Jon only started to like Martin after he was socially isolated from his peers.

As much as I’d like to believe otherwise, this looks to me like a survival technique. Every single person in Jon’s life hated him - except for Martin. It’s only human for Jon to latch onto the one person who wasn’t actively hostile towards him on a daily basis.

His dislike of Martin’s personality didn’t go away, as evidenced by his sniping at Martin’s quirks in S5. He suppressed it so as to cling to the one person who didn’t hate him.

Martin has no boundaries or self-respect.

Martin’s self-esteem is extremely low. Understandable, due to the cast’s behavior towards him throughout the whole podcast. His crush on Jon - despite Jon’s open dislike of him is S1&2 - never wavers.

When Jon commits crimes such as stalking his coworkers in S2, Martin is the only one who stands by him. This is the textbook recipe for an abusive relationship: one person does bad things and the other person is blind to it because they don’t believe they deserve or can have better.

This pattern continues even in S5. Martin does 95% of the communication, often forcing it onto Jon in a variety of ways: arguing, cajoling, wheedling. In a good relationship, Jon would meet Martin halfway, but he doesn’t.

If things are this bad in the height of the trauma, what happens after?

If Jon and Martin had survived after S5, my prediction for their relationship would be this:

Jon would come down from survival mode and fairly quickly realize that he is still annoyed by his and Martin’s fundamental differences. He would become snappish and completely closed off, like he was in S1.

Martin, still unable to see that he deserves better treatment, would cling tighter to Jon the more Jon tries to push him away.

After that, it’s more up to conjecture than anything else, but I don’t think they would fall apart right away. Rather, they would continue this cycle of Jon retreating and Martin’s forced communication until one or both of them has had enough.

In conclusion, I love them both. And I love watching their dynamic, I’m still a huge fan. I just think they need so, so much therapy. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk ✌️

#tma #tma spoilers #jonmartin #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #the magnus archives

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gh0stlyfixation · 1 year

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Copycat

Paring: Simon Riley x taskmaster!reader, Dreykov!reader. Mention of Bucky and Steve (there married, oops 🙊).

Summary: A new Avenger teams up with Taskforce 141, turns out her and Ghost are a like.

Warning: trauma, mixing the avengers and cod together, grammar errors probably. Not a huge fan on how I ended it.

“You didn’t tell us she was fucking crazy.” Soap said to Price and Laswell.

“You didn’t ask.” Price cheekily answered.

Simon glared at him, “where’d she come from?”

“Fury from The Avengers team sent her, said she was the best,” Laswell responded.

That made sense. The Avengers were a bunch of glorified superheroes. A mix of super soldiers and non-human things, they dealt with their kind while we dealt with wars in other countries.

“She killed twenty men in two minutes with her bare hands. What the fuck?” Soap said in shock.

“What can you tell us about her?” Simon asked.

Price and Laswell looked at each other, “not much. She’s 23, her name was Taskmaster, but we call her Copycat now.” Price told.

“That’s it?” Soap asked.

“She has a violent history that is not ours to tell. I suggest you be nice. She can put us all down in a second. Now walk away.” Laswell spoke.

——

Over the few weeks you’ve been around Taskforce 141, you didn’t speak much. The team quickly realized you also wore a mask like Ghost. Ghost warmed up to you well. He didn’t talk to you much like most of the team but he was nice to you. He offered you hellos and little waves while passing in the halls. He assumed you’d give him smiles, he always wanted to see you smile.

You sat in your room with the door open. No one was around, either on missions or out in training. You open your laptop and clicked on zoom, taking off the mask, you heard your therapist speak, “Hi Y/N,”

“Hi Doctor.” You said quietly.

What the team didn’t know was that you were in court-mandated therapy just like your friend Bucky was. You committed war crimes, however, they weren’t your fault, something you haven’t yet accepted.

“How are the nightmares?” She asked.

Ghost was walking down the hall, something you didn’t hear, Ghost was always light on his feet. He heard your soft voice speaking through your door. You left it wide open, something out of character.

He peaked his head to look in your room and saw you at your desk. He noticed the mask was off, your hair in two French braids. “The nightmares haven’t happened often, I’ve been able to control the noise, you know, so I don’t wake up the team.” You shrugged.

I shouldn’t be listening, Ghost thought to himself, but he couldn’t move away. He leaned against the wall next to your door frame. “How’s the team? Your new placement?” The lady asked.

You were quiet for a moment, “nice. They kinda leave me alone.” You sigh. It wasn’t easy making friends, Ghost felt a little bad, “There is one guy though. We call him Ghost.” You started.

His heart fluttered, he had to place a hand over it. He’s never felt that before. Ghost knew he shouldn’t be listening, but he couldn’t move. “He’s nice to me, he waves and says hi. It feels nice to be acknowledged. I’d like to think he’s cute too.” You admitted.

Ghost nearly choked on air, he covered his mouth at your confession, “you have a crush? That’s good, feeling new emotion. We’ve been working hard on that.” The lady spoke.

That’s when Ghost realized that this was a therapy session, “is that what a crush feels like? I never knew what friendships or crushes were since the Red Room. Growing up with him, being that killing machine, I didn’t get a chance at being a girl. Being me.” Your body is visibly slouched.

The red room? What in the hell was that, and you grew up in it. “The mask too? Ghost wears one.” You sat up straight at the mention of his name.

“Yeah, I find comfort knowing he wears one too, though I don’t know why. I’m sure it’s to secure his identity, meanwhile, mine is to hide the ugly scar I live with.”

That’s when Ghost knew he couldn’t listen anymore. He couldn’t listen to you putting yourself down, belittling yourself. He walked away.

—

You often sat out on training, you’d rather watch the men than utterly destroy them. You memorized every single member of the team's moves, besides, no one offered to spare with you. You sat in silence watching Soap and Ghost spare, 9 out of 10 times, Ghost won.

“It’s not a fair fight,” Soap complained. “But you wouldn’t know a fair fight.” Soap smiled.

Ghost looked up at you, “Cat!” His voice boomed. You looked up confused at the new nickname. “Come on, let’s spare.”

Soap looked surprised. You uncrossed your legs, fixing your yoga pants and grabbing a pair of gloves. “This won’t be fair.” You spoke up.

“Cocky,” Soap said with a smirk.

Through all the matches, Ghost didn’t win but once, and even then, he thought you let him. “I wasn’t called the Taskmaster for nothing.” You said to Ghost helping him up.

You looked around and noticed everyone had left the room, “who calls you the Taskmaster?” He asked, He wanted more information on you.

You gave him a weary look, but you’d consider him a friend and to keep friends you need to make an effort, said your therapist. “The Red Room, heh,” you nervously chuckled.

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want.” He said, Please tell me everything! He begged in his mind.

“No, it’s okay. I trust you.” You quietly spoke sitting down on the mat. Ghost couldn’t help but smile under his mask, “the Red Room was a training facility in Russia. We were trained to be the deadliest assassins. It wasn’t supposed to be my life, my father was the leader. But after the explosion, he couldn’t stand my face and made me who I am today.” You explained.

“He noticed my ability to memorize patterns. He put a chip in me like the other girls, made me a suit of armor, and I was forced to train newbies and kill innocents. I was a daddy’s girl once, but then I was nothing more than an ugly killer.” You whispered the last part more to yourself. “Thats the nonviolent story of my life.”

Ghost sat down with you, “I know you're not ugly.” You scoffed at him, not believing him. “I'm serious.” He said.

“I bet you're not ugly either.” You told him, “take it off.” You said with a little tease. He could see you smile through that mask.

“Only if you do.” He responded. You looked around the room, “you don’t have to Cat.” He said

“No, just, not here.” You stood up then Ghost stood up and followed you to your room.

Shutting the door behind you, you sat on your bed, patting the space next to you. “Thank you for being a friend. It’s scary how alike we are. I only have one friend back at hom, well, two if you could his husband, you’d like him. He’s full of trauma like me.” You chuckled.

“Anytime.” He said. You looked at him and then placed your hands on your mask. Slowly you pulled it up revealing your face. Your hair is in French braids but a little messier. He sees the scar on your face, a big burn scar all over your cheek, and partly on your forehead, but he still thinks you are beautiful.

“I don’t see the ugliness,” he said stroking your scarred cheek.

“Show me your face?” you asked. He pulled his mask up placing it down on yours and he ruffled his hair. He had a deep scar on his lower cheek down to his Adam's apple, “your handsome. The scar makes you look, dangerous.” You admitted.

“I am dangerous.” He replied. You giggled, and his heart started to beat faster. “And so are you Cat.”

You wanted to kiss him and like he read your mind he placed both hands on your cheeks and pulled you close kissing you passionately. He was going to help you feel normal, to feel spoiled and loved for the first time in your life.

#simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley x y/n #simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley imagine #ghost x reader #ghost fanfiction #ghost x you #ghost x y/n #ghost imagine #marvel #taskmaster #the avengers #cat x simon

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bodyswapmischief · 5 months

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Andrew's Holiday Part 1 (An interactive story)

Part 2 Part 3

"Fine! Maybe I won't fucking come home for Christmas!" Andrew hung up and threw his phone on his bed. His heart was racing. His hands were shaking. The whole world around him felt loud and bright. The panic that sat within him before the phone call did not leave him. Even now, with the call over, he felt worse. He could feel his body begin to react to stress like it always had. His blood pulsed. He began to sweat. Every neuron was firing in his brain. All of them were telling the brain the same thing. "There is something in us, and it needs to be out of us." His stomach began to bubble, and a sour taste began to coat his mouth. He jolted to the trash can by his bed, as everything in his stomach came out. Tears began to stream down his face with each convulsion of vomit.

"What's wrong, Andy?" A voice came from behind him. Shame washed throughout Andrew's body. "Go! I don't want you to see me like this!" He tried to yell. But, Oscar's presence just added to the anxiety in this moment, and Andrew threw up again.

"Are you sick! Do you need anything?" Oscar called out again. "I was just coming back from class and heard..." Oscar stammered, not knowing what to do in this moment. "Leave!" Andrew cried out in the corner. His back turned away from Oscar. He could still feel the uneasiness of his stomach. His body shook as he cried.

Oscar let out a sigh. "No ... Andy! I'm not gonna leave. I'm your boyfriend and I want to be here for you." Oscar knelt beside Andrew and began to rub his back. "I'll be here ... I'll be quiet. I'll let you process. Just let me know if you..." Before Oscar could finish, Andrew turned around. His head sank into Oscar's chest, and he let the tears rush out.

The two sat there for sometimes, as the tears of Andrew face began to dry. His nose clogged, and his eyes puffy red. He sighed, feeling like he could finally breathe. He felt so safe in Oscar's arms. He couldn't believe he got lucky enough to be paired with him in freshman year as roommates. How they spent every day together. The shared anxiety they had not knowing if the other was gay. But, now it was sophomore year, and they were committed to each other. And Oscar was proving it, in this moment. However, comforting Oscar was, Andrew felt like he didn't deserve it.

"I came out to my dad today ... it didn't go well." Andrew pushed himself away. The shaky anxiety could still be heard in his voice. And, his body plops onto his bed. Oscar follows him and sits at his side. "I'm sorry ..." Oscar grabbed Andrew's hand and began to rub it. "He was mad, of course, but also in denial ... Between cussing me out, he'd throw in talks about me coming home and him fixing me and taking me to therapy and getting me through this phase. So, I told him I'm not coming home."

Oscar shook his head with a pit of disgust in his stomach. "That's sick. Wow, I don't even know to say ..." He lies down next to Tyler and pulls him close to his body. "He's wrong, tho ... you know that, right? There is nothing wrong with you. You ... us ... we are prefect." Oscar gives Andrew a reassuring squeeze.

Why is Oscar so prefect? Is all Andrew could think about at this moment. "Yeah, I know that." Andrew finally smiles and rests his face against Oscar's chest. "You know ... my offer is still out there. You could come home with me for the holidays. My parents would love to meet you. And, I could help with any fees to change your ticket this late." Oscar turns onto his back. Excitement is clearly ringing from his voice.

Andrew turns on his back as well and weighs his options. Spending time with Oscar would he nice. Meeting his family could be interesting. But, is he really not going to go home? Would he punish his mother just because of his father. His mom has been accepting of him ever since he came out to her in high school. And, then all his friends would be there. He'd find ways to ignore his dad. But, maybe he just needed time alone. He could stay on campus and just spend time to think. Think about who he was without family or a boyfriend. He loved Oscar, but there was always this feeling of not being good enough for him. Maybe some time apart could help him with these feelings.

#male body swap #body #swap #transformation #tf #male #gay

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underdark-dreams · 7 months

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Hello! I would first like to thank you for getting me into the Rolan boat, this arrogant emotionally-constipated (affectionate) wizard has taken over my mind and he is all I think about now.

That being said, I was wondering if you would be able to do a rolan x tav like a few years or even a decade into their relationship? Does settling into Sorcerous Sundries and becoming a better mage make Rolan softer? How is he connecting with the rest of the magic community (I am personallya Rolan and Gale rare books reading club supporter) What would be some of the major long term disagreements in their relationship and how do you think they would work through it? What would this man's ideal 'happily ever after' look like?

Thank you so much!

This was great food for thought! 🖤 Thank you so much!

I kind of want to work on future Rolan x Tav as its own little standalone fic, because that idea is so sweet—but here are some headcanons on that & all these other what-ifs. Apologies that they're a bit jumbled, I can't concentrate when Rolan

Rolan loves his tower! He definitely feels the weight and responsibility of being the new steward for all this collected research and knowledge. But he also loves that he can go through his books and satisfy his curiosity whenever he wants, after so long yearning for someone to teach him and nurture his magic. He learns to do that for himself

I think the big thing that will soften and kind of humble him over the years will be once he accepts that personal growth will never stop. There is not a mystical point X where he could stand and say, did it, I have reached the pinnacle of archwizardry. He learns how to stop rushing forward and enjoy other things in life, most of all his relationship with Tav.

Once all the Absolute business is finally settled, Rolan will definitely want to lock that down. It doesn't need to be a legal marriage per se, but he is extremely committed to the relationship & wants the same from them. If he had his way Tav would have moved in yesterday. He's ready to wake up next to them for the rest of his life. Buys a house in the city right beside his old place where Lia and Cal still live & can't wait to merge his found family with his new family. His happily ever after is being surrounded by the people he loves and watching them thrive, especially when it's because of him. Having the capacity to care for Tav and Cal and Lia makes him incredibly fulfilled.

Some big potential sources of conflict in his and Tav's relationship:

Jealousy and insecurity. Rolan has some deep abandonment issues from his past, so if he ever felt like Tav was straying emotionally or making him jealous on purpose, that would really hurt his trust. Deep down he needs to know they love him, and hear it once a day preferably

Control issues/willfulness. Older brother mode activated. Rolan likes to do things his way and is very stubborn and proud about conceding to others. He does see Tav more as his equal, unlike his little siblings, but it's hard for him to translate that into actions. There will be a lot of fights over any big decisions where he & Tav disagree. Part of working through it would probably mean Rolan confronting why he needs to control things so badly (growing up without much control over anything in his life maybe? Hmm). He would genuinely benefit from therapy & from learning how to translate all his feelings into constructive words. Being with someone who would stand up to him would really benefit Rolan in the long run, though.

In the magical community: He's got a reputation as a rebel amongst the wizarding community, because 1) he's very much self-taught which is pretty unusual, and 2) not everyone approves of how freely he hands out information about the Weave, casting, etc to the curious younglings who visit his tower. Of course he'd never let anyone get into anything too powerful unsupervised, but after his experience with Lorroakan and realizing that this famed so-called archmage was actually just an idiot who stole everything from more powerful mages, he's like. The strict apprentice system can kinda get fucked honestly. He just doesn't agree that the basics of magic should be kept behind lock and key. Becomes a sort of magical literacy advocate. Let the children read

You might be surprised at how patient this man can be with children by the way! Lots of little magical prodigies hanging around Master Rolan's tower whenever he lets them. He'll kind of scowl to intimidate them into behaving themselves, but inside he loves to see curious minds reading and learning. As a primarily self-taught wizard, he also has an excellent grasp of pedagogy and how to describe concepts in a way a beginner would understand. He puts together his own beginner's magical textbook over the years. Holding the first printed copy in his hands is probably one of the proudest moments of career

To Rolan, Gale's reputation definitely precedes him at first—even before the events at the Grove he knew the name Gale of Waterdeep. Rolan is younger and admires Gale's skill a lot, so in the beginning of their professional relationship he's a bit intimidated. But you know Gale, he is friendly and endearing from the get go. Rolan often thinks if he'd had a teacher like Gale in his youth, he could have nurtured his magical skills much earlier.

Definitely, definitely also subscribe to the Rolan/Gale book club! They become kindred spirits in that regard over the years. Gale makes a visit to Rolan's tower to inform him of this fascinating manuscript that has just surfaced in Evereska, and Rolan is like "Really? I thought the Fae destroyed that centuries ago…" and the two of them just sort of wander off in conversation. Not to reappear for hours. Probably plotting like naughty children over a bottle of wine about how they are going to get their hands on the Ancient Forbidden Book without Tav finding out

#rolan x tav #rolan bg3 #bg3 rolan #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 headcanons #bg3 spoilers

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blueboyluca · 1 year

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Because I want to be a committed hater, I am reading How Stella Learned to Talk by Christina Hunger. She opened with a prologue that outright stated her dog can talk. Sure.

I know that I am probably annoying at this point and it's hard to not be biased now that I've reached this hater position, but here are my thoughts so far from reading the first six chapters.

The first chapter was a story about how she did not work out what a child patient of hers was trying to communicate for six weeks until she came upon the object he was referring to by chance. She frames this as an amazing breakthrough and example of this child's ability, which it is, but it's also an example of her struggling for six weeks to understand something that, by the sounds of it, could have been worked out faster if she had enquired further than she did about the child's previous history in the therapy office. By putting this story in chapter 1, it's also telling us a lot about how she already views communication and her work. The framing of this narrative is to set up the idea that disabled children (and, later, dogs) are trying to talk to us if we just listen hard enough – and also ensure they are communicating specifically through an AAC device using words we accept and understand. Feels weird.

The second chapter was about two doodles she dogsat who used a bell to communicate, and how it seemed sad to her that she could not understand their vocalisations.

Ringing their bell was just supposed to mean they wanted to go outside, but I started noticing that Ozzie seemed to ring it for all his needs. I wondered if he used the bell for everything because that was his only option.

I found this passage frustrating. It seems to me that the dog is using the bell because any other communication is ignored. The dog is likely communicating different things in different ways, but the humans have been told to pay attention to the bell. So the dog adapted. This is an example of humans being poor listeners, not dogs being limited communicators.

Chapter 3 was a story about how she applied for a dog at a shelter, was denied, then immediately – as in, same day – bought a puppy from Craigslist. Only to find that night she had been approved at the shelter after all. To me, this did not read as an endearing story but an exasperating one.

In chapter 4 Hunger demonstrates that she was incredibly observant of Stella and her broad range of communication abilities. Hunger seems surprised that everything Stella did was surrounded by communication with humans. This is not some breakthrough, but I can appreciate the feeling of deeper understanding of dogs once you have a dog as an adult. She then does some minor research on dogs and communication but from her description she doesn't get very far. I don't think this is a good sign.

In chapters 5 and 6, Hunger describes the process of conditioning Stella to three buttons: outside, play and water. What frustrates me is that she describes so much communication that Stella is doing.

It amazed me how intentional her communication was, even from this starting point. She did not push a button and walk away. She expressed her desire to go outside first through her bark, eye contact, and pacing next to the button. Then she advanced from using gestures to a word right in front of my eyes.

This is empathically not Stella "using a word" in the way Hunger means. This is a very basic example of the ABC model. All of Stella's behaviours as well as Hunger's button-pushing are the antecedent, Hunger opening the door is the behaviour, and the consequence is that Stella goes outside. This is excellent communication, but it's not evidence of a dog "speaking".

And how is this not enough already? Why do you need the dog to also press the button? Stella knows what outside means. Her also pressing the button does not change the functionality of the word "outside" to either her or Hunger.

Maybe this is why there was no research on dogs using AAC. Maybe the similarities between dogs’ and humans’ language capabilities stop here, at understanding words and communicating concepts with gestures.

I'm not suggesting that doing further research isn't worthwhile, but the entire premise here from Hunger is flawed in my opinion. She is coming to this only from a speech therapy angle. That is, speech therapy for humans. There seems to be no real consideration for the dog's biological reality. The focus is entirely human-centric. We use words, so getting the dog to use words feels natural. But why should it be?

After weeks spent talking to Stella, modeling words, and observing her communication patterns, that night, for the first time, she and I spoke the same language.

This drives me up the wall. Hunger and Stella have actually already been speaking the same language and that is a human–dog language that has been developed over the last ~30 000 years. This is a result of the co-evolution of our species! To suggest that none of that is as important as the dog learning to use a button that says a human word is honestly maddening to me.

I knew in my heart and in my head that I was witnessing something fascinating with Stella. If anything, my coworkers’ confusion showed me how far our field still needed to come. I hoped someday I could be part of a movement toward more understanding and acceptance of AAC for all who need it, even dogs.

The gall to write something like this but to have shown very little inclination to do any kind of real immersion in research of dog behaviour or body language. To have shown no interest in existing dog training and dog communication. To frame everything through the human-centric lens of speech therapy. To back up statements only with references to child development research. This is like the ultimate example of anthropomorphism.

AAC is for people with impairments related to spoken and written language. It is for humans to help other humans communicate in a species-appropriate way, to bridge connections where connection may have been lost. Dogs, actually, don't need AAC. They need humans to make more of an effort to meet them halfway and pay attention to the huge amounts of communication they already do.

#dog buttons #sorry (not sorry)#dog books #Hunger for Words

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theworldofkirby · 4 months

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i adore you, noble haltmann… (president haltmann x reader fanfic)

A/N: hai guys i wrote a haltmann/rader fic as a kind of sequel to the dedede dating simulator bc i dont feel like coding another game to make a haltmann dating sim so take this haltmann x reader fic instead

ok so like u are in dream land right??? well :) it was taken over by capitalizm!!!!1 omg

you, (y/n) the SEXIEST freak in planet plopstar is almost crushed by one of those leg things on the haltmann works company star dream thingy ok? yea so you dodge that and like… there's a window or somethin and a guy falls out of there

you watch as he falls. he falls for like 10 minutes. but then he lands on the ground next to you and you hear a crumch.

"ow" the male says

"omg!!!!! are u ok" u ask the masculine man

"i think i broke my pelvurouscula" he says

"omg no……" u say and hold him gently. u have magic healing powers so u heal him

"gasp" he gasped. "i don't feel like dead anymore"

he gets up and u cant help but admire he. his beautiful egg shaped bod and wicked pinstripe suit. and his luscious hair and mustache.

"newayz my name is haltmann. max profitt haltmann" he said with not a trace of happy

"haltmann….. my name is (y/n)" u smile

"ok" he says. "i have to go home. bye"

he goes into his headquarters but u follow him. u keep talking to him "um so wat are u doing? i almost died" u frowned

"oh no" haltmann says. "did i accidentally park my plant on u"

"ya" u nod

"im so frickign sorry" haltmann starts crying. "i'm such trash i cant commit capitalizm without almost killing peopel"

u frown at the egg's sadness. "dont cry haltmann…" u say comfortationally

"no it's not okay i'm shaking and crying rn. i might throw up" haltmann starts crying

haltmann cries and opens his office door and runs in and throws himself onto his bed dramatically like a sad disney princess. u enter his office and hear some haunting lyrics…

"I pull away to face the pain

I close my eyes and drift away

Over the fear that I will never find

A way to heal my soul

And I will wander 'til the end of time

Torn away from you

My heart is broken

Sweet sleep, my dark angel

Deliver us from sorrow's hold

Or from my hard heart"

u turn off haltman's ipod. "Haltmann" u say

"no my music" haltmann sobbed

"haltmann." u say again but more like… asssertively

"ouuu" haltmann screams into his pillow. "first i break my airpods and now my music is dead"

"HALTMANN" u grab him and sit him up

"what" haltmann sniffs

"whats wrong" u ask

"u see (y/n) i lost someone in da past… i forget who that was tho… but like someone died ok? and now im sad" haltmann explaines

"halmann" u look into his deep blue orbs. "i…"

"yes (y/n)?" haltmann blinks his beautiful sapphire saucers at u

"i…" u blush "i…"

"..." haltmann …ed

"i think u need to seek therapy" u gently stroke his bangs

"omg… ur right" haltmann tears up. he gives u a hug. "thank u (y/n)"

"ur welcome" u smile

"im so tired of depression. i will defeat this evil inside me. thank u (y/n)"

u get on his computer and start googling local therapists in dream land. "here's one," u say. "call them and see if they're accepting new patients"

haltmann gets his sexy cellphone out and calls the therapist. "hi mr. therapist, my name is max profitt haltmann and my friend (y/n) says i need therapy"

"ya we can take u in" says the therapit. "we will have u do an intake next month ok"

"n. next month." haltmann starts to tear up

u look at haltmann ernestly. "better late than never, haltmann… ur patience will be rewarded"

haltmann sighs haltmannly. "ok. we will do next month"

haltmann finishes scheduling his therapy appointment. u look at him with a pleased look on ur face. "that was kinda sexxy of u haltmann, working towards self care like that" u smirk and wink

haltmann blushes "haha yea i guess that is pretty sexy. um, not that i'm trying to be cool or anything" he stutters

"hey u can call urself sexy and cool all u want," u laugh. "ur epic even"

"(y/n)..." haltmann blushes. he leans in and gives u a kiss. his cute little mustache hairs tickle ur upper lip.

"teehee" u giggle. "ur mustache is so cute"

"thank u" haltmann says. "star dream says its ugly"

2 MONTHS LATER

haltmann knocks on ur door. u open it

"hi (y/n) my sweet honey bunches of oats" haltmann wraps his hands around u and dips u for a kiss

"h-haltmann" u blush "where did this come from"

"so u see, i followed thru with therapy like u suggested. little did i kno this would change my life" haltmann says. "going to therapy made me realize that i wasn't treating myself with respect, and if i want to feel respected by others, i need to develop respect for myself. without respect for myself, i won't be able to recognize gneuine respect from my friends and employees. and i cant live being so cynical anymore. i need to love myself, (y/n). i need to be my own bestie becuz who will be there for me when everyone is gone? i need to be there for myself"

u look at haltmann like this:

"haltmann… u… u mean…"

"yea. i love myself, (y/n), and its thanks to u…" haltmann kisses u again. "sory i didnt talk to you for the past 2 months btw i was depressed amd busy with therapy lol"

"its ok haltmann i love u no matter what" u stroke his egg head

"yea" haltmann nods. "um btw i like need some new music to listen to bc my therapist says i shuld stop listening to such depressing music if it makes me wallow in sadness more"

"say no more" u say as u smirk and take out of ur bookshelf a CDs of Hannah Montana 3 and the High School Musical Sountrack

u and haltmann spend the night picking out the best disney channel songs to boost his self confidence. soon enough its morning. "omg its morning" haltmann gasps

"it was nice spending the night with u haltmann" u blushed "we should do it again someday"

"no, (y/n)" haltmann gives u an onion ring "we will do it again today. marry me"

"ok" u blush

u and haltmann have a beautiful wedding with the stupidest most extravagant dress and cake bcuz hes rich. ur live happy ever after the end

#kirby #kirby series #kirby fanfic #kirby fic #president haltmann #max profitt haltmann #haltmann #y/n #fanfic #other art

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unabashegirl · 3 months

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Enticing 36 || Harry Styles

Summary: Harry is a young billionaire and CEO of his own company. He mostly keeps to himself, he is stern and very meticulous when it comes to business. He also likes to keep his personal life very private for the sake of his newly born son Oliver Styles. It isn't until he meets Y/N Y/L/N that everything changes. She becomes his new nanny after his previous one quits due to personal reasons. She is young, caring, and sweet. Will they ignore their feelings? Will Harry's girlfriend accept their love and leave them? Will she be able to cope with his busy agenda? What about Oliver's mother? Where is she? Who is she?

author's note: chapter 50 just got uploaded on Patreon! I am so excited! Click below and join our community to continue reading ENTICING.

masterlist

word count: 2.0K

As the first piece of furniture, a beige bed frame, arrived at Y/N's apartment, a sense of anticipation and excitement filled the air. Harry had insisted on being there to help, and Y/N was grateful for his presence. She watched with a subtle, appreciative smile as he quickly got to work, his sleeves rolled up, and his tie and blazer set aside.

Y/N couldn't help but admire the manliness of Harry as he sorted through the pieces and began assembling the bed frame. His skilled hands moved with precision, his muscles flexing subtly beneath his shirt. She found herself stealing glances at his physical appearance, his determination adding an extra layer of attractiveness.

Yet, amid her admiration, a tinge of annoyance gnawed at her. She couldn't help but think back to the passionate nights they had once shared in his luxurious apartment. Those memories were etched into her mind, a testament to the chemistry and intimacy they had once shared. She sighed softly, wondering how they had let something so special slip away.

“Thank you for doing this, Harry,” she said, her voice filled with appreciation as she handed him a bottle of water. “I don't know what I would've done without your help."

Harry paused for a moment to take a sip of water, his eyes meeting hers with a warm smile. "Of course. I'm here for you. I want to make sure everything is set up safely."

As they continued working on the bed frame together, Y/N couldn't help but remember the passionate nights they had spent in his apartment, their connection both physical and emotional. She had let him go once, but seeing him here, helping her build a life for their child, made her wonder if they had a second chance at happiness.

With each piece of furniture they assembled together, the bond between them grew stronger, and Y/N couldn't help but hope that this shared effort would lead to a future where they wouldn't have to let go again.

After successfully assembling the bed frame together, Y/N and Harry stood back to admire their handiwork. The beige bed frame now stood proudly in the corner of Y/N's bedroom, a symbol of their shared efforts and the new beginning they were building together.

Y/N couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment wash over her. It was more than just a piece of furniture; it was a tangible representation of their commitment to each other and to their future as co-parents.

As they shared a moment of quiet pride, Harry's gaze shifted to Y/N, a mischievous glint in his eye. "You know," he began, a playful grin tugging at his lips, "I think we've just invented a new form of couples' therapy—furniture assembly."

Y/N chuckled, her laughter infectious. "You might be onto something there. Who needs a therapist when you have an Allen wrench and a stubborn bed frame?"

Harry nodded, looking thoughtful. "We could start a business"

Y/N burst into laughter, and Harry joined in. It was a light-hearted moment, a stark contrast to the heavy conversations they'd had in the past.

With the bed frame successfully assembled, they decided to move on to the next piece of furniture—the cloud-like couch destined for the living room. It was a bit of a challenge due to its size, but their shared effort made the task feel less daunting.

Once the cloud couch was assembled and perfectly positioned in the living room, they both couldn't resist trying it out. They sank into its plush cushions, nestled close together. The comfort of the couch, combined with the closeness of their proximity, created a charged atmosphere.

Their gazes locked, and time seemed to stand still. The unspoken tension between them crackled like electricity in the air. Harry's thumb brushed against Y/N's cheek as he leaned in, his lips hovering just above hers.

Their breaths mingled, their hearts pounded, and at that moment, it felt as if they were suspended in a space where past and present collided. The weight of their emotions and unspoken words hung between them, a palpable reminder of the love they had once shared.

But before they could share the kiss they both longed for, the moment was shattered by an unexpected interruption. Patrick stood in the doorway, his expression a mixture of surprise and disapproval.

He cleared his throat, breaking the charged atmosphere in the room. "Am I interrupting something here?"

Y/N and Harry jerked apart, their faces flushed with embarrassment. Patrick's presence had effectively doused the romantic spark that had been building between them.

Y/N quickly composed herself, trying to hide her unease. "Patrick, this is Harry. Harry, meet Patrick, my friend and roomate."

Harry extended a hand toward Patrick, his expression friendly but somewhat tense. "Nice to finally meet you, Patrick."

Patrick's handshake was polite, but his eyes conveyed a hint of suspicion as he glanced between Y/N and Harry. "Likewise," he replied curtly.

The room felt suddenly awkward, and Patrick's disapproving presence hung in the air like an unwelcome guest. The interruption had left an undeniable mark on the atmosphere, and Y/N couldn't help but wonder how Patrick's arrival would impact the fragile dynamics between her and Harry.

The awkward tension in the room lingered as Y/N tried to bridge the gap between her two worlds. Patrick's unannounced appearance had disrupted the delicate balance she was trying to maintain between her past and her future.

Y/N cleared her throat, attempting to diffuse the palpable unease. "So, Patrick, what are you doing here? I though you were too busy".

Patrick's gaze remained fixed on Harry, his eyes sharp with scrutiny. "I was just dropping by to see if you needed any help with the furniture. But it seems like you've got it covered."

Y/N couldn't miss the underlying tone of skepticism in Patrick's voice. It was clear that he wasn't thrilled about Harry's presence.

Harry, on the other hand, sensed the tension and tried to ease the situation. "Actually, Patrick, your timing is perfect. We could use an extra pair of hands for the next piece of furniture."

Patrick's expression darkened slightly, and Y/N could sense his annoyance. "I thought we were going to spend some quality time together today. You and me"

Harry's voice remained composed as he addressed Patrick. "I didn't mean to intrude on your plans. If you'd rather have some alone time with Y/N, I can leave."

Patrick continued to be rude and unwelcoming toward Harry. Patrick even went as far as to ignore Harry's presence entirely, which only added to the tension in the room.

Y/N, feeling embarrassed by Patrick's behavior, attempted to mediate the situation. "Patrick, please, can we just finish assembling the furniture without all this tension?”

But Patrick's resentment remained palpable, and he gave no indication of relenting. Y/N watched in dismay as the two men she cared about clashed in her own home.

Harry, who had been trying to maintain his composure, finally reached his breaking point. He turned to Patrick, his voice cold and his expression hardened. “I understand you have your reservations, but there's no need to be so unwelcoming. We're all adults here.”

Patrick's response was cutting. “Harry, you shouldn't even be here. You're no longer a part of Y/N's life.”

Harry's temper flared, and his anger boiled over. “You don't get to decide that. I'm here because Y/N invited me, and I'm not going anywhere just because you say so.”

Y/N felt a sinking feeling in her chest as the confrontation escalated. She had hoped that Patrick and Harry could find a way to coexist for her sake and the sake of their unborn child, but it seemed like things were only getting worse.

The room felt like a battleground as Harry confronted Patrick about his place in Y/N's life. Patrick, his resentment simmering, couldn't contain his frustration any longer.

"You're no parent," Patrick snapped at Harry, his tone biting and accusatory. "You've been absent all this time. You don't get to show up now and act like you have every right."

Harry's jaw tightened, his voice laced with anger. "I didn't choose to be absent. Y/N kept this from me, and I've only just found out. I have every right to be a part of our child's life."

Y/N, her patience wearing thin, interjected angrily. "Patrick, don't assume things. I never said Harry chose to be absent. It's not fair to twist my words."

Patrick, though, remained defiant. "I just find it convenient that he shows up now, out of nowhere."

Harry's frustration mounted, and he turned to Y/N, seeking clarification. "Is that what you've been telling people? That I was absent because I wanted to be, not because you kept this from me?"

Y/N's eyes flared with anger. "No, Harry, that's not true, and you know it. I've never said that. Patrick, you're out of line."

The room seemed to crackle with tension as the three of them stood at an impasse. Y/N had hoped that her two worlds could coexist, but it was becoming increasingly clear that finding common ground would be far from easy.

Patrick's outrage reached its peak as Y/N seemingly chose Harry's side in the heated argument. His voice trembled with anger as he addressed her.

"After everything I've done for you, Y/N, you're choosing his side?" Patrick's face reddened, his frustration evident.

Y/N, her patience waning, locked eyes with Patrick, her tone firm. "you need to remember your place. You're my best friend, not my boyfriend or husband. Harry has every right to be involved in our child's life, and I won't stand in the way of that."

The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence as the weight of Y/N's words hung in the air. Patrick, though seething with anger, seemed to recognize the boundaries Y/N was drawing. It was a stark reminder that their relationship had its limits, and Y/N was determined to assert her independence and her right to make decisions about her child's future.

Patrick's frustration reached its peak, and he pointed a trembling finger at Harry, his voice demanding. "Leave. Now."

Harry, however, responded with a cold, humorless laugh. "You're going to have to try harder than that."

As Patrick attempted to step closer, his intention clearly to intimidate Harry, Harry stood his ground, his expression unwavering. Patrick's attempt to assert dominance did little to flinch Harry.

Y/N, growing increasingly alarmed by the escalating tension, stepped between the two men. "Enough, both of you! This isn't helping anyone."

The tension in the room reached a breaking point as Harry taunted Patrick, challenging him to take a swing. "Go on. Hit me”

Y/N, desperately trying to defuse the situation, stepped in between them, her voice trembling with urgency. "Please, stop it, both of you!"

But it was too late. Patrick, fueled by anger and frustration, roughly pushed Y/N aside, her startled cry filling the room. With a fiery rage in his eyes, he landed a hard punch on Harry's jaw.

The room fell into stunned silence as Harry staggered back, his hand reaching for his throbbing jaw.

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fanficshiddles · 7 months

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Necessary Evil, Chapter 5

Note: Mention of suicide.

Sarah was still riding on a high of adrenaline as Sophie was last to confess, then she joined everyone in the crowd. She hugged Sarah tightly and they were both smiling extensively.

‘Weirdly exhilarating, isn’t it?’ Sophie laughed.

‘It sure is.’ Sarah nodded in agreement. ‘I’m glad you’re still here, even if at the time it didn’t feel like you wanted to be saved, I’m glad your friend found you in time.’ She said softly as she gave Sophie another hug.

‘Thanks… It feels good to have finally shared it, aside from my friend, no one else knew about the attempt. If my parents ever find out though, they’d be broken.’ Sophie sighed, it felt like a weight was off her shoulders. She had tried to commit suicide when she was fifteen, thankfully a friend found her in time and got her to the hospital.

There was two people that had decided not to do it. Molly was one of them, who even after seeing Sarah and the others confess, she still couldn’t do it. Sarah wasn’t sure where she disappeared to, along with another girl who, while she did confess, didn’t trust everyone enough to catch her when she fell. So, Loki wouldn’t allow her to join, for her untrust. Sarah just assumed they’d been chucked out of the building and didn’t give them another thought.

‘I was a little worried that I was over-sharing, a bit extreme.’ Sarah said sheepishly to Matt and Hanna after everyone was told to enjoy the party by Loki.

‘Not at all. I hit a dog by accident with my car a few years ago, I was in such a panic I just drove off and left it… I heard later that it passed away. I felt awful, but sharing with everyone here helped me to get over it.’ Hanna shared.

‘I had anger issues when I was younger, I was ashamed that I had beat up my then girlfriend. I did get therapy to help get through my anger, but I’m not ashamed anymore. Loki and everyone here forgave me, and it’s helped me to move on. Helped me to realise that I can’t help who I am, but I can work on bettering myself.’ Matt said.

‘Jen had a baby about four years ago, but couldn’t cope so abandoned the baby outside of a hospital. Casey posted nude pictures of her boyfriend online after a nasty breakup, causing him to lose his job… What I’m trying to say is, that we all have something we were ashamed of, but it’s ok because we are only human. We make mistakes, it’s what we do in the present and the future that counts. And being around the right people.’ Hanna said.

Sarah nodded, she was surprised hearing these stories, but felt really accepted and that she might just have found where she belongs. ‘I never thought I’d be able to share my story with anyone, but it just kind of felt… right.’

‘That’s how you know you’re meant to be here, with us. As one of the family.’ Loki had sneaked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, giving her a squeeze as he spoke, making her jump slightly but she relaxed when she realised who it was, though her heart did flutter a little from his closeness.

‘Is there anything you need us to do tonight, Loki?’ Matt asked him.

‘No, not at all. I just want everyone to enjoy themselves tonight, get to know our new family.’ Loki smiled as he moved to stand next to Sarah.

‘I’ll drink to that!’ Hanna cheered and held up her drink.

Loki chuckled and turned to Sarah. ‘I see your cup is empty, come on, let’s get you another drink.’ He motioned towards the bar.

Sarah went with Loki to get a drink, getting a funny look and a wink from Sophie as she walked away, Sarah just shook her head at her.

Loki began pouring Sarah a drink, he’d noticed what she was drinking earlier. When he handed the cup to her, he let his fingers brush lightly against hers, making her skin tingle.

‘I was impressed with the way you stepped up earlier to go first. Tell me, did you do it for Molly?’ Loki asked as he began pouring himself his own drink.

‘I uhh… yeah, I felt a little bad for her so thought if I went first, it would help her to see it was ok to do. I’m sorry if that was wrong, if I spoke out of term.’ Sarah said sheepishly.

‘No, no, not at all. I thought it was very brave and kind of you to do, helping out someone in need. I get the feeling, that’s the kind of person you are, someone that goes out of their way to help another?’

Sarah found her cheeks heating up, she wasn’t able to maintain eye contact with him, he was rather intense.

‘Thank you. Yeah, I guess I do like to help people when they need, if I can help, that is.’

‘That’s a good quality to have. However, I am guessing sometimes people take advantage of that?’ Loki asked knowingly.

‘It has happened sometimes. I try and avoid those people now.’ Sarah shrugged.

Loki nodded. ‘There’s a fine line between helping people and making sure they don’t take advantage. If you ever have any issues with anyone here doing that, please come and talk to me. I’d like to think that all of your brothers and sisters won’t do that, but if they do, let me know.’ Loki reached out and squeezed her upper arm.

‘Thank you. I will.’ Sarah smiled.

Andy and Maddie walked over to where Loki and Sarah were.

‘Welcome to the family.’ Andy said to Sarah with a smile.

‘Thank you. I’m glad to be here.’ Sarah grinned widely.

‘Setting fire to your school, must’ve been rather scary?’ Andy asked.

‘I don’t remember being scared, as such. I just remember being really angry. It wasn’t until afterwards that I started to feel guilty and ashamed for what I did.’

‘Ashamed no more, though.’ Loki assured her and she nodded in agreement.

‘Well, it’s not as bad as killing someone. I’m so glad to be over that shame.’ Maddie said in a stuck-up manner.

Loki raised his eyebrow at Maddie. ‘Assisting your terminally ill mother to die, under her own wishes, isn’t quite the same as killing someone in cold blood.’ He corrected her.

Maddie looked down and scratched the back of her head, then she shrugged. ‘Well, I still felt like a murderer for so long, until I found Loki. I owe him everything.’ She said giddily as she gazed up at Loki and fluttered her eyelashes.

Sarah noticed that Loki didn’t seem to take her on at all. He looked at Andy again instead. ‘Did you see Molly and Lisa out?’

‘Yeah, no need to worry about them.’ Andy nodded.

‘Good. Go enjoy the party, I’m just getting to know Sarah here a bit more. I’ll release her to everyone again soon enough.’ He grinned and winked at Sarah, making her cheeks heat up again.

Andy and Maddie looked a little put out, but they took Loki’s hint and wandered off, but not without a glare at Sarah from over Maddie’s shoulder.

‘Has anyone told you that you are adorable when you blush?’ Loki asked Sarah with a grin as he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, making her cheeks turn as red as a tomato.

‘Uh… no… not until now.’ Sarah giggled after getting over the initial surprise of his comment, making Loki laugh.

‘Well, you most certainly are.’ He winked at her.

Sarah found herself incredibly flustered and Loki enjoyed how he was able to make her that way with just a little touch and a nice comment.

‘So, what was your shame? Have you shared with everyone else, too?’ Sarah asked curiously. Even though he was the leader, she still thought he should at least be doing the same as everyone else and sharing his past deeds.

‘I have indeed shared. I did a lot of bad things back home on Asgard, almost killed the King of Asgard, my father. I killed many people from my own true kind, betrayed them. I was incredibly jealous of my brother and did bad things to spite him. Finding you all here, has allowed me to share in my shame and see a way forward from it. It’s a step closer to my curse being broken.’

Sarah just stared at him for a moment, trying to process what he’d told her. It hadn’t exactly been what she was expecting to hear.

‘You still don’t believe that I’m a God, do you?’ Loki smirked and raised an eyebrow.

‘Well… no, not really. I’m sorry, it’s just kind of hard to believe without solid proof.’ Sarah said honestly, she felt a bit bad for not believing him. She hoped that it wouldn’t cause any trouble for her if she didn’t believe him, maybe she should’ve just kept quiet.

He gripped her chin gently and gazed into her eyes, making all of her insides melt, and her knees turned to jelly.

‘Don’t worry, darling. You’ll have proof soon enough.’

#tom hiddleston #loki #loki x ofc #necessary evil #Loki fic

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hoperays-song · 7 months

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While Sing 3 is still developing can you think of the 5 things you want to see in that movie and the 5 thing you don’t wanted?

Thank you so much for the ask and I'm sorry for the delay in answering. I hope you enjoy and this properly answers your question! - <3 Gooseless

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Ok so, I'm personally a bit of a skeptic on if Sing 3 will come out soon (or ever at this point) due to the strikes likely halting all work on it. And obviously, if they worked through the strikes, I will not be supporting the movie in the slightest due to my pure hatred of crossing picket lines for no good reason and AI being used as studios want it to be. However, I do have serval things I do want to see if/when it comes out and a ton of stuff I don't.

Things I want to see (Please Illumination, Please):

Rynny being confirmed. That should surprise none of you. This blog was started as, and still primarily is, as Rynny ship blog. I love those two so much together and I feel like it would complete Johnny's queer allegory storyline very well (ie. familial acceptance, wider community acceptance, personal acceptance by allowing yourself to be yourself). My mutual have been spammed with numerous songs that I have choreographed duets to for these two already and I would just absolutely love to see it.

Noodlemoon being confirmed. I am very vocally a Noodlemoon truther and I adore those two together. Buster's chaos to Eddie's chill would work so well and it makes the most sense for me when it comes to potential partners for either of them.

More scenes of the troupe being a family. They act like a family already and I love the snippets we see, but I would love to see more of their group dynamic. Like Mrs. Crawly is essentially Johnny's grandma at this point, Rosita being the troupe mom, Gunter being a chaotic uncle.

The gang being a family. These boys are my absolute favourite characters. They're adorable together already but I really want Johnny to call Stan and Barry his uncles. Or have Marcus refer to Nooshy as Johnny's sister (feel like that one could be slipped in easily). Marcus is an amazingly good dad to Johnny after the whole disownment thing was patched up and it's clear that whatever mandated therapy they went to is working wonders so I want more scenes of them together (and hopefully Johnny doing more questionable things, like please, let the boy pick a lock).

Gunter getting a conflict. Now, I'm not saying drag Gunter through personal hell. He has done that enough in shorts. But he hasn't faced a personal conflict in any movie yet and is the only troupe member to not do so. I think it's about time we get more of an insight into his character and I think this would be an amazing opportunity.

Things I Don't Want To See (Please No Illumination, Please No):

I swear, do not kill off Nana, Hobbs, Clay, or Mrs. Crawly. They're the oldest cast members, I know. You want more character development, I know. If you kill any of them off however, I will personally lead the revolt. They are all immortal now.

Bring back Mike. I hate him. Just straight up. He bullies a kid!!! That goes for Klaus too and Jimmy. They are irredeemable villians. You bring them back, I protest in front of your studio offices. They all deliberately hurt people, two of which used abuse of power as well. Just NO.

Create a love triangle? Jail. I hate love triangles. Partially due to it typically actually being a lover corner (two people interested in one person instead of the actual intricacies of a triangle), mainly because it's stupid. It's overplayed, in nearly every film saga it seems, and are always pretty pointless. I just do not like them in the slightest and will cry if I have to sit through one.

Do not put Buster in jail. I know we joke about the amount of felonies that man has committed but at this point, if he goes to jail, the legal system in their universe will be busy for the next century. Also, none of the teens need extra trauma. Just leave them be.

If y'all destroy one of the best queer allegories I have ever seen by giving Johnny a canon female romantic partner, I will start a fucking revolution. I literally study cultures and films and character coding, ok? Like that's my whole field of study. Johnny's story being a queer allegory is so important to me. Not only is it incredably realistic in my opinion (I cry at the disownment scene because something very similar was said to me when I came out), but almost every other queer personI talk to how has watched these movies picked up on the allegory and loves it as well. It's very well written and not subtle in a good way. It's great for starting conversations about LGBTQIA+ characters in media. ...Also, he's apparently based on Elton John according to my friend that has the character book, and I'm pretty sure Elton John would be pissed if you fucked that up.

Though, I feel like I should make a disclaimer here. My first few fandoms that I was raised in have taught me how to be an expert at ignoring canon (special shout out to Supernatural in particular). Just because it happens in a movie, doesn't mean I'm going to put that in my works. I'm a fanfic writer after all. I write what I want to happen, not necessarily what does happen according to canon.

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babyjakes · 1 year

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forever and a day | 52. retraining.

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

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summary | a story in which america’s favorite captain gives a new life and family to a five-year-old girl who has suffered well beyond her years at the hands of hydra.

characters | dad!steve rogers, girl/willa rogers (original character)

warnings | AU similar enough to OU to include spoilers to many Marvel movies (Age of Ultron and beyond). action and fight scenes with violence and killing. injuries/mild gore. mature themes related to and semi-graphic depictions of child abuse/neglect, past CSA and CSM, and their aftermath (emaciation, wounds, scarring, etc). medical abuse (including sterilization) and experimentation. ptsd/trauma symptoms in a child (developmental discrepancies, de-humanized behavior, detachment, extreme fears). medical treatment of CSM and other aftermath of abuse.trauma-informed therapeutic treatment of ECT. minor mentions of disordered eating. themes relating to abuse of power/authority and immoral interrogation tactics including SA (with brief depictions.) evil!Tony Stark.

[Steve]

"Tell me, Mr. Rogers," the kind young lady had said as she sat beside me in one of the light brown armchairs in the living room, holding a small notepad on her lap where she was jotting down points from our first discussion together.

"You can call me Steve," I had interjected at that point, causing her to look up for a moment and smile. Her eyes shined with a certain gentleness through their soft shades of grey and blue, helping me to relax ever so slightly through the daunting interview.

"Steve," she corrected, nodding politely. "Tell me, Steve, what are your biggest worries for Willa? Or what are the challenges you find most serious when it comes to her emotional and behavioral wellbeing?"

"Oh god," I had said, shaking my head at the overwhelming question. "I... I don't even know where to begin. I mean... she's just been through so much. And even though she's been out of captivity for a decent amount of time, she still functions as if she's in constant danger. I just don't know how to show her that she's safe, that she can let her walls down now and let me take care of her."

"That makes sense," Jenny had said, scribbling down a few more lines on her notepad. "I'm planning on completing a proper set of evaluations to offer a clinical diagnosis, but from what I've already spoken with Dr. Banner about, my best guess is that she's probably developed a severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder. Given the nature of the trauma she endured, it'll likely take a lot of time and therapy to help her overcome some of the emotional barriers she's built up as defense mechanisms."

"Yeah, that's what I figured," I had mumbled.

"Do you have any idea of where you'd like to start? Because she is so young, and you're her primary caregiver, I'd like to involve you as much as possible in her treatment as long as you feel comfortable participating."

"Of course," I had agreed, "I want to do whatever I can to help. And as far as where to begin... I'm not sure. I think the thing I worry about the most at the moment is Willa's inability to accept help. There have been several occasions where she's hurt herself or gotten herself into a situation where she's needed assistance, but she's just been too terrified of coming to me for help to actually let me know. And when I've realized it and tried to help her, she's resisted me as much as she could. I'm not exactly sure where her fear comes from, but I'm assuming it's rooted in what Hydra did to her and how they must've trained her to not ever ask for things." After pausing for a moment, I had added, "I mean, I guess it's not even just asking for help. It's really asking for anything. If I try to get her opinion on something, or ask her what she wants to do for the day, she'll clearly be thinking of an answer, but completely unwilling to share it at all."

"That does sound very problematic," Jenny had nodded, "even though she's trying her best not to be. It makes me think of a few specific documents I read out of her files from Hydra; they were recordings of training sessions she went through that had originally been written in another language, so Dr. Banner wasn't able to understand them. After running them through a translator, they revealed that when she was a toddler, her captors had put her through electric shock treatment to train her to not seek help or comfort." My heart had dropped into the pit of my stomach when she revealed this, but I simply nodded, sensing she had more to share. "They would put a shock collar on her, similar to one that might be used on a dog, and set her on the floor. A few feet away, they would place something she might have wanted. Sometimes it was food, after they had starved her for days. Other times, it was a person. Initially, her instincts would drive her to approach another human in hopes of being held or interacted with, as children that small naturally need and seek affection. But as soon as she would move towards them, or the food, or whatever it was she was being trained with, she would be electrocuted through the neck. Eventually, this changed the fundamental patterns in her brain so that she would no longer pursue things she wanted or needed. They continued the treatment until she would cower back in fear as soon as the food was placed down on the floor."

"Oh my god," I had breathed out, angry tears built up in the back of my eyes. "And she was just a toddler?"

"I believe the training began when she was two," the doctor replied. A sick, nauseous feeling bubbled up in my stomach as I processed the information I had been given. No wonder why she never asks for help, never asks for anything, for that matter, I had thought to myself. "It wouldn't surprise me if as soon as she's offered help or faced with having to ask for things now, she's automatically reminded of her experiences and even still physically feels what her body was put through during that training. Even though concrete memories aren't generally formed during toddlerhood, the body simply has fascinating ways of remembering traumas from any age."

"My poor Willa," I had mumbled in defeat, absolutely disgusted by what Hydra had put her through. "Now I feel bad for not being more patient with her; I had no idea something that horrific had happened to make her afraid of me in that way. How do we- how can I help her? How can I show her that it's safe now, that she won't ever be put through anything like that again?"

"Well, it's going to be a long process," Jenny had admitted. "But what I can tell you is that every time she experiences something that contradicts her past experiences, her brain is relearning the ways of the world. This process is called 'reparenting'; I am assuming Dr. Banner might have mentioned it to you?" I nodded, having recognized the term. "It's going to be very hard and very frightening for her for a long time. And the fear might never go away completely. But eventually, little by little, she should start building up more confidence in her safety with you. The most important thing will be for you to always be as patient and gentle with her as you can, as this is what her brain will be replacing all of her previous experiences with."

"Okay, that makes sense," I had said. "How do I start? What can I do?"

"There are some exercises you can run through with her; they're similar to exposure therapy, but more trauma-centered and focused directly on reparenting. I'll give her a simple one today at the end of our session together, something that hopefully won't feel like too much to start out with. I'll let you run it with her, just the two of you, and next time we meet, we can discuss how it went."

"Alright. An exercise?" I had asked, not completely understanding what she meant.

"I'll just give her something to ask you for. If you'd like, you can initiate it with her after I leave so that she doesn't have the pressure of bringing it up herself." I nodded, the idea making sense as something that might help slowly easing her into growing more comfortable with advocating for herself.

"Great. I'll be sure to do it with her then," I had promised the doctor.

Which brings me to this moment, in which Willa is standing before me, her big green eyes filled with tears as she stares at the hard-wood floor beneath her bare feet, her bottom lip trembling violently as she attempts to swallow down her fear. Jenny left about an hour ago, and I was sure to give the little girl a bit of time to recover and breathe before deciding to bring up the exercise with her. Just moments ago, I called her into the kitchen, and as soon as I told her I wanted to try the exposure, as the doctor had called it, her mood went completely out the window.

"Sweetheart," I say as I kneel down just a few feet away from the shaking child, keeping my voice as soft and unintimidating as I can. "Remember when Jenny talked to you today about trying to ask Daddy for something? Did she talk to you about that?" I remind her. Not daring to look up at me, the little girl's terrified body language immediately gives away the answer to my (probably pointless) question. "Hey, Willa-bug," I murmur, an image popping up in my head of the poor child's neck wrapped in an electric collar, helping me maintain the gentle disposition I need. "It's okay, peanut; you can do it. You can always ask Daddy for things, okay? You'll never be in trouble for it, never ever," I promise, but unsurprisingly, my words seem to do little to change her mind.

"P-please," the poor thing whimpers, the word seeming to be her go-to plea when she's too afraid to say much of anything else.

"'Please' what, baby?" I coo, hating to see her so distraught. "There's no need for 'please's with me, sweetheart," I remind her carefully, "there's no scary here, Willa. No scary at all."

"Please, please don't," she begs, a single tear trailing down to the tip of her rosy nose as she sniffles quietly. "Jenny said you-... you're gonna retrain me; please don't g-get the collar, please don't."

"Retrain you?" I ask, my brow furrowing immediately in concern. "Willa, sweetheart, did she explain to you what that means? It's not the same kind of training you did with Hydra, honey. It's retraining your brain to not be scared of- hey, sweetheart, hey," I hum, only growing more worried as the little girl's chest begins to rise and fall more rapidly, her panic clearly escalating despite my efforts to reassure her.

"P-please, please don't," she hiccups again fearfully.

"There's no collar, Willa. We don't do that here, of course we don't. The retraining just means we're gonna show you it's safe, doll. The whole point of the exposure is to teach your brain that it's safe."

"N-no collar, please no c-collar," she mumbles.

"No collar," I coo, "can you ask me, sweetheart? Nobody's gonna put a collar on you; you're just gonna ask and it's gonna be safe for you, I promise."

Sucking in a shaky breath, Willa squeezes her eyes shut, taking a long pause before finally finding the courage to say, "W-will you-... please... c-can-... Willa and Daddy-... Willa and D-Daddy-..." Sniffling, she gasps for another breath before finishing, "you-... I-I-... snuggles?" Silent sobs begin wracking through the little child's body as she waits in anticipation, her entire body tensed up and ready to receive whatever punishment is coming.

But against her predictions, I simply wrap the small girl up in my arms warmly, lifting her into the air as I rise to my feet and cradle her close to my chest. Rocking her back and forth as I begin to brush her hair down gently with my hand, I murmur soothing words to the child. "Shhh," I ease, coaxing her head softly against my shoulder as I hold her safely, her whole body shaking as I grant her request. "Of course we can snuggle, Willa-bug. You're my snuggle bear, after all; aren't you?" I croon gently, my quiet words of comfort slowly beginning to help her relax. "Here, how about we cuddle up in Daddy's bed? It's the biggest one in the house," I suggest as I carry the sweet girl back through the apartment to my bedroom, walking over and pulling back the blankets and sheets atop the mattress.

"D-Daddy's bed," Willa stutters quietly as I climb in with her still cradled closely to me, resting back against the pillows and pulling the soft blankets up over us as she snuggles warmly into my chest. "Big."

"Big bed, that's right," I agree. "Lots of space to snuggle."

"N-no collar," she says carefully, the fear almost completely gone from her voice.

"No collar," I confirm, brushing back her hair with a soothing hand as one of her thumbs finds its way into her mouth. "No collar ever, sweetie. I promise you; I pinky promise." Wrapping my little finger around her own, I lean down, planting a kiss on her head.

"Scratchy pinky p'omise," she tells me at the gentle roughness of my beard grazing over her bare skin. Looking up at me with wide eyes, I'm able to relax slightly as I see a hint of playfulness shining in the little girl's gaze.

"Scratchy, huh? You don't like Daddy's new beard?" I raise my eyebrow in jest.

"No, still like it," she assures me, rubbing her little forehead against the coarse hair lovingly. "Daddy looks so han'some. Bucky told me- m-my daddy's the mos' han'some man in the world."

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donnerpartyofone · 1 month

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Ranting, complaining.

In my admittedly limited experience something that makes for bad therapy is the reductive impulse--the approach of reducing all psychological ailment to some general, universal experience. This is supposed to make you feel like you're in good company and not beyond help, but it can also be anonymizing and condescending. For instance suicide prevention rhetoric that focuses on the idea that it's all about loneliness makes me sort of crazy; I mean certainly there are instances where alienation is the main thing, especially with younger people I'd bet, but it's infantilizing to suggest that an adult couldn't have bigger, deeper problems than the need for more phone calls and hugs. And I think this misunderstanding enables the argument that suicide is a cruel thing to do to the people in your life, which is this awful mind trick people play to convince themselves that the pain of loss is serious but whatever pain it is that compels you to actually end your own life is somehow inconsequential and bearable. Apparently you should have just made more phone calls and asked for more hugs, no problem can't be solved by that, and if you didn't do this then other people get to hate you. I've seen people get so angry at their dear friends who committed suicide, and I've been in very bad places just to be told something like "you are not alone." Like no offense but I fucking know that, you're standing right there saying it to me aren't you? Please don't treat me like some lonely teenager, I have other things going on.

Another reductive thing is the strategy of trying to convince the patient that they are "normal". There's a post I once saw here about how someone's therapist blithely tells them "I mean what even IS 'normal' anyway!" like it's this amazing revelation, and the person lists three or four patently aberrant and damaging experiences that most people would never understand in order to say "Can you just try to get on my fucking level with this please?" Maybe that person WAS tormented by feeling abnormal but it's obviously unfair of their therapist to treat them like they can't tell their circumstances are unusual. Besides which you can accept the enlightened cosmic view that there's no such thing as "normal" or that there are more people like yourself than you'll ever know, and you can still be tortured by the effects of your experiences. Universality is not much comfort if something really hurts you.

A big part of my mental health struggles have to do with what I now understand are ADHD-related problems (and I believe ASD is also involved but I don't have that diagnosis yet). Like let's say half my problem is really deep complex depression and fear, and half of it is just the fact that every day is way harder than it needs to be because I can't get a grip on basic tasks. It's the Sisyphus thing, you might think you're a pretty decent guy and that many people share your problems, but eventually you may start wishing that boulder would just squash you the next time it rolls back down because the situation is unmanageable. My first therapist treated me like I was exaggerating or making up all my practical hangups due to low self-esteem. My third therapist accepted that I was being truthful but she would say to me, "Well what if YOU'RE not wrong, what if the rest of the WORLD is wrong!" Like yes I agree the world should be more accommodating to people with different neurological conditions or whatever but whether or not I blame myself for everything, the "everything" is still wrecking my life. Doing mental gymnastics to put a positive spin on it has zero effect on what a hard time I'm having. Please don't talk to me like I'm some child who has never heard that it's OK to be different. If you do I will go insane and I will roam the streets doing Victorian madwoman behaviors and I will not get over it for a long time.

Another thing therapist #3 did that seems to be popular was to take away the words "insane" and "crazy"--and like I do understand what that's about, a generalized diagnosis of just being "fucked up" doesn't help you get to the bottom of things. But if you prevent me from saying those words that will not stop me from feeling crazy and insane. You're just arguing semantics with me when we could be talking productively about my issues and this may actually make me feel crazier.

#tw: suidice

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rhielizabethj · 4 months

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You’ve trained me well. You stripped away my confidence, my back bone, my spirit and left me broken. Where did the pervious version of me go? I was healing, I was happy I was full of promise. Now I’m left shattered, confused, raw.

Everytime you told me I was stupid, I was the problem, everytime you would yell at me, slam doors in my face. Every time you’d diminish me to nothing I started to believe it. I’m left sitting here wondering what is so wrong about the person I am? Was I not loveable? Was I not good enough? Was I not worth working through your own trauma so you could show up in a healthy way for me? I feel unworthy of love, I feel like your words and treatment have rewired my brain. Everything you said to me feels like truth now, even though there’s a tiny piece of me screaming trying to make my brain understand it’s not the truth.

Little by little your abuse had its desired effect on me. I feel scared, I feel out of control. I feel like crawling back to you would be so much easier. We could pretend things are healthy and fine, you would probably be so nice to me at first. Saying how much you missed me, saying how sorry you are how you’ll change. It could be a few good months, maybe you’d be able to fill my cup up halfway before you switched and decided to smash it. We could play pretend and it would feel safe again, if only for momentarily.

But I think it’s safe to say we both know nothing will change. You fill my head with your distorted version of reality, lies, you make it seem like you want to change that you want to be a better man. You speak this into existence but the follow through is never there. It’s just another form of manipulation so you don’t have to face the pain of being alone. You twist into your distorted version and I start to believe it. I believe it because I want to be with you. I want to grow old with you, I love you. But then you yell at me, or block me from leaving our bedroom and I come crashing down to reality, I am forced to see things for what they are. They aren’t healthy, my feelings aren’t safe, this is not a safe environment to flourish with you.

The path I’m walking is unknown but there’s promise and hope. For once there’s hope, I know things will get better for me. I know day by day I’m healing. Every conversation I have with my therapist, best friend, people who have been in similar situations brings me to a place where I’m seeing through your façade of lies. I’m realizing the things you said to me and the way you treated me was wrong. You might never see your behaviour for what it really is, it’s hard to face the truth. Rose coloured glasses have been your vision for you to long. I tried to take them off and hold your hand, I tried to help you see the flaws and toxicity. I tried to hard to make things healthy.

Someone who comes from a place of love, compassion and kindness knows your actions are wrong. You don’t get to put your hands on someone and down play it, you don’t get to choke me and say I was drunk. You don’t get to blame my self defence as the problem. You don’t get to yell at me or continuously throw insult after insult at me. Your emotional abuse is quite literally that. It’s not love, it’s not kindness. You have that in you, I’ve seen the man you could truly be if you just committed to getting help, therapy, an outlet for your anger. You broke me down with every nasty thing you said to me, and now I wonder if this was your plan. Break me down so badly I become quiet and hide how you treat me. I think you hoped I’d stay this small accepting your crumbs when you felt like I was worth loving and when I wasn’t I was then punished with your acts of verbal abuse. You might not have left black eyes or broken bones. But the vile things you said has now imprinted on my soul. You’ve left a permanent scar in my heart and I’m so scared I’ll forever accept abuse with the next person I love. I’m scared that the impact you had on me will be permanent. That I’m tainted. That I’ll forever be apologizing for something that wasn’t my fault. You said I apologize to much but in an environment that made me feel like I was the problem, in an environment where it’s easier to just agree what more did you expect?

I don’t think I have ever been called so many names in the time span of two years. In two years I went from being the most amazing person, the most caring, most loving. You said you loved me so much that I was your light. But then you blew that light out and still expected me to guide the way. You wanted me to be your rock, but instead I became an actual rock. You hardened me, I shut down and grew a hard shell around me to protect me from the mean things you’d say.

I’m not a bitch, I’m not stupid, I’m not a cunt, I’m not crazy, annoying or unattractive. Im not ugly, I’m not a shitty friend, I’m not worthless, I’m not any of those things you said to me. You will never put your hands on me again, you will never smash a door into my back, or slam it in my face, you will never lock me out of a room or balcony again, you’ll never yell at me infront of my children again, you’ll never treat me like fucking scum in front of my friends again. You’ll never tear apart my relationship with my mom or family again. You’ll never isolate me, you’ll never make me feel like I have no one again. You’ll never bash my pervious relationship with my children’s father again. You’ll never bash my body or personal hygiene again. You’ll never tear apart my sexual acts again. You will never be able to treat me like that again. I’m realizing I won’t be someone you can keep in your back pocket for later. I won’t be here to see you continue to make the same mistakes with someone new, I won’t watch the new girl become “the problem” I won’t be here because I deserve better.

I was becoming a pathetic puppy dog chasing after you, you truly did train me well. Even after being broken up for a month and a half I’m still accepting you blaming me for everything. I’m still allowing you to be hot and cold with me, I’m still allowing you to ignore me and then gaslight me like none of this is happening. I’m still allowing shitty treatment and why, because you’ve trained me well.

I will always love you, I will always wish I was important enough to you to receive an apology, ownership for how you treated me, changed behaviour. But you’re not ready to see, you’re not ready to admit that maybe the abused became the abuser. I love you, but I love myself enough to let it all go. I love my self enough to release me from all of the pain, the broken promises, the abuse.

#rant #relationships #emotional abuse #emotional release #personal rant #about abuser #signs of mental abuse #my abuser #break up

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thatsonemorbidcorvid · 10 months

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Have you ever been to therapy? Any tips on how to find a therapist who isn't a misogynist/trapped in the fucking 1950's?

I am traumatized by female therapists and social workers.... the invalidation, the gaslighting, and the blaming.... they remind me of my damn mother; denying male violence, and viewing me, a woman traumatized by male violence to the point I have alchohol use disorder, ptsd, severe insomnia, ocd, adhd, anxiety, sucidial feelings, sex repulsion, etc, as inferior and as a joke and judge me for being single and not having a bf, no empathy for my pain.

I am breaking up with a current therapist, and I know folks say therapy isn't needed... but I need brainspotting or emdr... I don't sleep and am severely suicidal and scared of people. I need therapy, and feel re-traumatized by my therapis.

my father sexually abused me for 20 years and prevented me from experiencing romantic love.

she would ignore me and read while I was talking, until I said "I am sad I did not experience romantic love." she said it could happen at any age.

when I described limerence and romantic obsession (over a boy I was trying to date in secret, but didn't work out because I was my father's property in his mind and he was threatening to take and send nude photos of me to him.. I was 15, the boy I was dating was 15....) I told her I would imagine we had worked out, and she expressed she thought it was healthy I was fantasizing about this

basically, my trauma to her is attention seeking, and wasn't that bad, I talk too much, and just need a bf. I have experienced suicidal ideation over this therapist, and am scared to seek therapy again.

I myself want to be a therapist, because most therapists are misogynists and I really wanted to be the one who wasn't. I feel haunted

Hi anon,

This sounds really hard, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it all. It sounds like you should definitely stop seeing this therapist, since she isn’t helping and is in fact making you feel worse. Well done for making the decision to disentangle yourself from a situation that is harmful to you, and well done for all you’ve done so far. It’s really admirable that you’re considering entering a field that’s harmed you in order to help others (though don’t feel pressured to commit to that plan if you begin to feel differently).

I don’t feel able to give you specific advice about finding a new therapist, particularly since I don’t know whereabouts in the world you are (and please don’t feel any pressure to share that information) so I don’t know how the system works near you. What I would recommend, if you can manage it yourself or have someone help you, is to establish your boundaries up front when contacting new options, and trust your judgement of their response. If you make it clear up front that you have certain requirements and expectations from therapy - bearing in mind that you should have the power in that relationship, since they are there to help you - and get push back or mistreatment up front, then don’t waste any more of your time with that therapist, just move on to the next. Maybe you could send the same initial email out to multiple people, and then read through and consider the responses as they come in? And if any get through that stage, you can treat the first appointment as another screen, and end the arrangement at any time if you feel it’s necessary. You’re looking for a professional to provide you a service - if you wouldn’t accept a shoddy plumber or builder, you shouldn’t accept a shoddy therapist. Well done again for putting your foot down on the current one.

With regard to finding a list of potentials, maybe see if you can find any recommendations, or consider contacting a local women’s charity to see if they have any preferred options. I’m going to open this to the community and ask them to weigh in with advice and recommendations as well - I hope that’s ok. Radblr women, please interact if you have any knowledge or experience to share.

In terms of the immediate short term - please stick around, and please reach out for help from those who can provide it to you directly, whether that be professional or personal connections. With regard to commencing therapy with a new therapist - take your time, and have faith in yourself to know what’s best for you. You can do anything you set your mind to. Good luck xx

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