#margot robbie deserves SO much better
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Barbie Girl | LN4
pairing: lando norris x actresses!reader
summary: when landos girlfriend is playing the lead in the barbie movie
face claim: margot robbie
type: smau
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you posted a story
caption: two weeks until the barbie movie comes out!!!
replies:
landonorris: can’t wait to watch it baby!!!
yourusername: ahhh!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻
username: you look so gorgeous!!!
[instagram] landonorris
liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 748,726 others
tagged | @yourusername @barbiemovie
landonorris | absolutely loved this movie, this movie truly did open my eyes in the world of being a woman. you all deserve so much better 🫶🏻 (also the second pic is not acting. that’s how y/n looks every time she cries)
yourusername: excuse me??? i’m a pretty crier!!
landonorris: sure baby. whatever you say 😘
username: lando loved the movie!!
username: crazy how lando is dating THE LITERALLY BARBIE 😫
username: idk how he bagged her
landonorris: rizz
yourusername: no.
you posted a story
caption: this might be ryan in the picture was he was channeling his inner lando 
replies:
landonorris: I DONT ACT THAT WAY
yourusername: YES YOU DO BABY
username: ryan is so real for that
username: very lando coded
[instagram] yourusername
liked by barbiemovie, landonorris, and 847,628 others
yourusername | absolutely LOVED filming this movie, i am so honored to have been able to play barbie 💗💗
landonorris: ugh you’re so gorgeous 🤤
username: one of the best films ever created
username: y/n did such a good job at portraying barbie
landonorris: 😍😍😍😍
username: not lando commenting sm 💀
[instagram] landonorris
liked by yourusername, mclaren, and 729,638 others
tagged | @yourusername
landonorris | she’s barbie and i’m just ken ❤️
yourusername: aww baby ❤️🫶🏻
username: HE KNOWS HES KEN
username: lando is so ken coded
oscarpiastri: honestly amazing how you pulled her
yourusername: me too oscar
landonorris: ouch!?!
a/n: two posts in one day?? 😆😆
#f1 smau#f1 instagram au#f1 social media au#f1 x reader#formula 1#formula 1 smau#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x you#formula one#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n
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pairing: bestfriend!peter parker x fem!reader
sypnosis: after peter misses his chance to ask you out to the homecoming dance, he has to suffer the consequences of his own actions
wc: 1200+
a/n: hiii!! i have the urge to write again bc im bored and i dont wanna do my summer course work. this prompt is based on this post and loosely based on that one scene in the movie ladybird when she gets picked up by her date. i wrote this super quickly so not the best but i hope u enjoy :)
peter had it first. he had the idea, the flowers, the poster, your favorite chocolate strawberries all ready for you. until brad davis came in and stole everything.
now he has nothing. he’s on your bed munching on the melty strawberries as he watches you get ready for the dance; you’ve asked for his help in choosing which dress you should go for.
“okay how ‘bout this one, pete?” the boy glances up at you, mid-chew with his mouth open.
his eyes snake over the outfit you’ve chosen. you do a swift twirl to show off the pretty soft blue satin dress that falls down to your mid-thigh with an open back. the skirt of your dress rides a bit high revealing a little too much. peter gulps, running his hands down his legs, immediately your sweet honey perfume floods his senses, his brain feels a little fuzzy, and he thinks the room gets smaller while his pants get a tiny bit tighter.
however, your eyes are what he takes in the most. you look eager, nervous about his approval, and hopeful for his admission.
his eyes widen as he gives you a soft nod and a pursed smile, “super pretty.”
you stare back at peter, his hair is flared, and you see chocolate smeared on his bottom lip. his posture looks defeated and you can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with him.
you give him a sour yet confused face, “why is your face like that?”
peter’s eyebrows furrow at your expression, “my face- why is my face like what?”
“like…” you take a moment to think, “like- you look like that chef in that one movie with the rat, he’s got that same awkward funny looking face.”
peter barks out a laugh in disbelief, “alfredo linguini?? from ratatouille?!” “yea! that guy.”
the boy in front of you offers you a pout and rubs his eyes, “thanks.”
“sure thing.” peter glazes over your seamless makeup when you take a seat next to him, “so, you’re really not coming? why not? it’ll be fun, plus all of our friends are going” you whine.
peter kicks himself every day since you got asked out to homecoming by brad. he knows he should have made his proposal to you sooner, but now that he missed his chance, he feels like he’s lost you.
“oh, so brad’s our friend now? and nah, it’s alright. i’m just gonna go patrolling tonight, might get some good action.” his eyebrows suggestively
you muster up a smirk and breathe out a laugh, “right. maybe you’ll find your own ‘cupid of crime’ that’ll show you a good time.”
peter groans at you, “oh my god, margot robbie is so-”
honk!
“oh,” your ears perk up at the sudden interruption, “i guess that’s my date.” you quickly stand up and straighten your dress, taking nervous breaths.
“i’m good right? my dress? face? hair?” your fingers run through your shiny locks, “its- i’m, i’m okay?”
peter has an indiscernible look plastered on his face as he gazes out the window and back at you. he’s shocked you’d settle for this, and even more appalled at you’re excitement to go with a douchebag who can’t even meet you at the front door. he knows you deserve better than this, and he knows he would treat you so much better with much less than your date. his stomach turns upside down and he feels his face get hot, breathing through his nostrils as he struggles to control his disbelief. he slowly stands up and meets your anxious expression peering up at him.
“you aren’t gonna get in a car with a guy who honks, are you?”
it’s almost as if the entire atmosphere shifts. peter studies your appearance. your face shimmered sanguinely regardless, brighter than the glitter that sparkled atop your eyelids.
it was safe to say you were excited to go to the dance, even if your date wasn’t your first choice. you had been waiting endlessly for peter to ask you to homecoming. you were almost depressed at the thought thinking your crush didn’t like you back, but even more upset at the fact that your best friend didn’t even want to take you as his date, romantically or not.
you remembered the feeling of delight swirling through your body as betty gushed about ned asking her to the dance, and mj agreeing to harry’s proposal.
you only wanted the same for yourself. the same thrill and warm feeling of someone wanting to take you as their date. you wanted more than anything for it to be peter, but you figured he simply didn’t think of you like that as empty time and hopeless anticipation went by. so yes, you did settle for brad davis. he’s only ever been sweet to you, with harmless flirting and sultry smiles in the halls. plus you had a hunch about peter’s displeasing stance on the man, and presumed this may have tipped peter over just the right amount.
you simply blink at his desperate eyes and nod, your adamant expression not wavering, “i think, yes, i am.”
you offer him a wistful smile when you brush past him, grabbing your purse on the way.
“y/n, stop.” peter’s finger’s wrap around your small wrist, your charm bracelet dangling against his hand.
“are you serious? what, the shithead can’t walk a few feet and knock on the door like a real man?”
“peter!” you snatch your wrist back and his hands rise.
you feel heat rushing up your neck and settling behind your ears. you had wanted a reaction out of peter when brad asked you out, yes, but the entitlement he has to mention about the manhood of brad angered you.
“i’m just saying,” he steps back from you, licking his dry lips while he chuckles back at you. “a guy who doesn’t have the balls to greet you at your doorstep isn’t worth falling for.”
you scoff at him, he was so sweet and now he’s only taking his anger out on you. “well it’s a good thing that he’s just a friend then. what’s it to you anyways?”
peter disregards your last statement, “a friend?! y/n/n, listen to me. you’re being naive if you think he just wants to be your friend.”
another honk outside pierces your ears, yet you can’t seem to shake your stare on the boy before you. you narrow your eyes at him.
“you sound jealous.”
peter sputters nonsense out and breaks his eyesight away from you, nervously running his hands through his curls.
“jealous? me? pfft. never. i’m not jealous, i’m- i’m being absolutely reasonable.”
you keep your eyes on him as he looks down at the carpet floor. he sighs and drops down at your chair, scratching the wood on your desk. his head shakes and ever so softly murmurs, “seriously, why are you going out with him?”
peter continues to stare at the rotten wood he’s chipping, “brad asked me to be his date, so i’m going whether you like it or not. unless,” peter glances back up at you.
“there’s something you’re not telling me.”
hope bubbles down in your stomach, and you anticipate his confession, waiting to hear the words of his true feelings that you know for certain are deep down inside him.
except, he doesn’t.
the boy only blankly stares at your desk, clenching his jaw, and drowns everything inside, letting you down yet another time. you turn away, disappointed in peter, ready to leave him alone for all the false hope and hurt he has caused you.
“right, well, when your balls finally drop, let me know. i’ll be at the dance with my date.”
#m's clubhouse! 🎧#m writes ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･#gif creds: @watson-emma#peter parker#peter parker x y/n#mcu!peter x reader#peter parker fluff#peter parker imagine#tom!peter parker x reader#peter parker x reader#peter x reader#peter parker x you#peter parker fanfiction#spiderman x reader#spider-man#peter parker smut#peter parker blurb#peter parker oneshot#peter parker fic#tom holland#tom holland x reader#tom holland smut#tom holland peter parker#peter parker angst#peter parker writing#homecoming#marvel
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plus sized reader hcs with margot!barbie.
margot robbie!barbie x fem!plus sized!reader.
summary: headcanons for barbie with a female plus-sized reader!
warnings: fatphobia, brief mention of starving yourself
a/n: i imagine this has been done before but i wanted my take on this!! this is the first time i've written headcanons as well as an x reader story so i apologize if things are a bit messy. reader uses she/her pronouns and this is for human barbie!
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barbie is all for body positivity.
that's why when she met you, she didn't even notice your weight. she saw you as a normal woman and treated you as such.
however, when you and barbie started dating, she quickly realized a lot of people didn't feel the same way.
so many people, for whatever reason, hate fat people. they treat it as an insult. they think all fat people are lazy and just lay around eating food all day.
it breaks barbie's heart.
back in barbieland, there were plenty of plus-sized barbies. nobody cared about their weight; everyone saw them as the beautiful and hard-working women they were.
so why is it that whenever barbie holds your hand as the two of you walk down the street, people shoot you disgusted looks? why do people always walk up to her and say, "you deserve so much better than that pig" like you're not the love of her life?
barbie isn't a violent person by any means. but when she sees the judgemental looks people give you when you order food, she wants to punch someone.
barbie's willing to defend you at all costs. she just thinks you're so beautiful and perfect. she doesn't understand how people could call you lazy when you work so hard every single day.
she hates whenever you talk negatively about your body. she'll always reassure you, insisting that she loves you no matter how much you weigh.
if you decide you wanna start trying to lose weight, she'll support you every second. she'll come with you to the gym if you want and she'll help you pick out foods that match your diet.
if you break those habits, she'll assure you that it's alright and you can try again whenever you feel up to it.
if you try starving yourself, barbie will immediately notice. she obviously doesn't wanna shove food down your throat and force you to eat, but she'll probably sternly talk to you and tell you how important it is to have food. afterward, she'll try to coax you back into eating by cooking your favorite meals.
overall, she's just very supportive of you. she wants nothing but the best for you and she loves you regardless of your size. <3
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once again i apologize if these are messy! not used to writing x reader stories or headcanons lmao. hope you all enjoy!
#barbie#barbie movie#barbie 2023#barbie x reader#margot robbie#x reader#fem reader#plus size reader#chubby reader#barbie margot robbie#barbie fluff#barbie fanfic#barbie x f reader#headcanons#fluff
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Enha hyungs with actor/ress reader!
Summary: Ur an actress or actor in some of the biggest movies(hunger games, little mermaid live action, barbie, mean girls)
a/n: im a chronic yapper. I tried my best to make this be gender nuteral, if i failed im sorry!!
Heeseung
He lives for any project your in
He's always on set during any of ur shoots I think
You gotta bribe him to make sure his mouth stays SHUT bc man he loves to run that mouth
Proud bf moment whenever the tv show or movie is on a billboard and ur on it
Makes u take a pic in front of it like a proud mom
Tries to steal smthn from ur set😖
Ask him if he cares abt u having to kiss someone
he doesn't care ‼️ he knows it's fake and u come home to him every night
He cares a little bit
But he's learned how to get over it bc like I said
Ur his at the end of the day anyways!!
Promotes ur movie/show to ANYONEEEE
Like dawg we get it we will watch the little mermaid live action bc ur lover is in it okay
Holy shit.
LEAVE US ALONE
he's always with you at red carpet events
Stuck to ur side like someone put superglue on him bruh
But dw he let's u get ur solo shots
U guys r so cute stop
Jay
JAYYYYYY
You were in the newest hunger games
As whoever u want bby u decide
This was ur first big movie!!!
It was actually ur breakthrough movie that got you a lot more attention
And ofc!! Ur man is LIVING for all of it
His bby is getting the recognition that they deserve!
He's been there with you when you first started auditioning
To you getting small roles in indie films and college student films
And now you're staring in the hunger games: the ballad of songbirds and snakes⁉️
He has taken everyone he knows to watch the movie with him bc ur in it
Bc of that he saw it like 15 times pr smthn goodness gracious Jay.
Everyone loves how supportive he is of u ☹️
“Get me someone who loves and supports y/n as much as Jay does”
“The way he posts them everywhere mom i love them”
Ur fans wish they were jay but they love how he treats u
Jake
Ummm ok did someone say BARBIE MOVIE🗣‼️
“did yk my s/o is in the newest barbie movie”
Yes jake.
We know honey.
The fact that ur in one of the biggest blockbuster movies of all time makes his heart swell with pride
Yk those promotional barbie posters? “This barbie is__” “this Ken is___”
He has like 5 of urs in his house
His friends r always concerned when they see his room w those posters
They wouldnt get it.
You BEST believe he's in all pink when he's with you for the premiere
AND U GUYS ARE MATCHING OUTFITS
Ur fans think he's so cute☹️☹️☹️
Following you like a lost puppy on the red carpet
He somehow makes friends w ur cast members now ur confused on how he has Ryan Gosling on speed dial (if u imagined urself as Ken, think of another male on the set, or margot robbie!)
Buys barbie and Ken dolls (or js two Ken's) that look like you guys
They stay on his shelf with his other trinkets
I love jake
Sunghoon
Ur in the mean girls movie
I wish they casted cady better
anyway
I like to think he didn't know u can sing
You kept the fact that it was a musical a secret from him
So when the premiere came
Btw yall ate everyone UPPP with ur outfits and shit
Fans didn't know if they wanted to be you or be with you
Anyways back to the premiere
When u came on screen with that VOICEEEE phew (if you imagined urself as aaron lets preted they kept his parts from the broadway play)
He was floored
Gets the soundtrack stuck in his head now
“We need to get u on Broadway NOW”
“NUH UH"
"YUH HUH"
The only time ur fans have seen sunghoon smile is when he is at red carpets with you
Standing behind you as you're getting interviewed
“That's my s/o” look on his face yk what I mean?
#coupleoftheyear
#enhypen#enha#enha x reader#enhypen imagines#enha imagines#heeseung#jay park#park jongseong#jake sim#sim jaeyun#park sunghoon#heeseung x reader#jay
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Margot Robbie X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute and Fluffy Imagine Prompt
• There will be more!
!TW: Suicide attempt(s) + intentions + consideration, substance abuse (drugs/medicinal pills + alcohol), implied suffering from depression, elements of self-doubt, mention of loss (the death of a parent), mention of being previously abused (by a family member), self put-down(s), elements of anxiety + separation anxiety, swearing, mention of previous sexual occurrence + an implied sexual occurrence, implied suffering from a mild form of PTSD, presence of alcohol, experiencing a break up, presence of blood, implied self-harm - if I’ve missed any, let me know ❤️!
“Your sister warned me about this,” Margot mused, a pained expression on her face after she had returned home to find you trying to take your life again by overdosing on sleeping pills, but she had managed to come back before you could as she had forgot her bag, and was making to retrieve it when she caught you with the pills that she’d never seen you use, before.
You would frown, before bowing your head whilst tears threatened to escape your eyes; you’d never intended for her to return and find you in this state again as you had planned to take the pills first, before leaving and finding somewhere else to be your final resting place so she would no longer be burdened by you, feeling as if - ever since you’d both first met, and fallen in love with one another - you had been a burden on her ever since you’d both been friends in college together, when she had always believed otherwise; that you could never be a burden on her as she loved everything about you, though you couldn’t imagine why. You’d never thought - after you had lost your mother, and started being abused by your father some time ago, now - that someone perfect like her could ever love a supposed nobody like you, as that was what you had always been made to believe, since your sister had left town to avoid your father’s wrath, ultimately leaving you alone with him, except you didn’t mind it, anymore, feeling as if you deserved the beatings; deserved to be punished for everything wrong with the world as you believed it all to be as a result of your pathetic existence.
Upon reminding yourself of these thoughts you’d had after Margot had briefly gone out, your heart would sink, whilst you would appear crestfallen, wishing she could see that she deserved better than you, though you knew it would be painful to lose her as you felt as if you had been made to shower her with the love you held for her, and always would, and knew that you would lose everything if she ever decided she didn’t want you anymore, something she’d never found herself wanting to do as she loved you too much to let go of you, and knew she’d probably never be able to love anyone else the way that she loved you, and always would.
“About what?” You asked, as if you had no clue, and she would tilt her head partially, wishing you’d just be honest with her, and stop trying to hide your feelings from her; she hated thinking that you were silently suffering whilst putting on as brave a face you could for her, especially when she had no clue as to what the reason for your behaviour was, fearing that you no longer loved her, and simply didn’t want to be with her anymore, when you could never feel that way, believing that she was your soulmate, and always would be; she was the only person who could provide you with a reason to live, now, but it was hard to cling to it when you could see that you were upsetting her by being the way that you were - something you’d never intended to do, and hated yourself for, especially when you’d only ever wanted to make her happy to the best of your ability, and seemed to be failing like you believed to have failed everything else in life, as well, leaving you feeling worthless, and as if she would be better off without you though she couldn’t seem to imagine her life without you in it, and it scared her to think about the possibility that one day she could return home to find that you were no longer there. This reminder would prompt her to feel empty, and numb whilst she glanced back over at you, a hurt look on her face, and tears threatening to escape her stunning icy blue eyes again; she’d found herself trying not to cry when she first noticed the bottle of pills in your right hand, knowing immediately what you were going to try and use them to do as she’d never seen you using them before, and had got a bad feeling to suggest that her assumption was right.
“You,” she answered, before gesticulating to the bottle of pills that she’d previously confiscated from you, and you would wince, before lowering your gaze again whilst you fidgeted with your hands, and internally cursed yourself for being so stupid, and not leaving before she could return, and find you doing what you had been about to try and do, assuming that by doing so you would have spared the hurt of her seeing you trying to take your life again, though she would be worried all the same if she came back to just find you gone, without you telling her where you intended to go like you both often did during the day, before going out somewhere like to the shops, or to a set. “D-Doing-.. shit like this,” she clarified, her voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and you would nod gravely, not surprised, whilst you found yourself feeling guilty again upon hearing that she was trying not to cry alongside you; you hated seeing her upset, and it pained you more than anything ever had, before, “why would you even wanna do that again? I thought you were happy, o-or have you just been lying to me? Do you not want to be with me anymore, is that why?”
“Of course I still wanna be with you,” you answered dejectedly; you couldn’t believe she’d ever think something like that; think that you didn’t want to be with her anymore, “I - I love you, Margot - I always have, you - you know that, right?”
“Yeah, but-.. why? Why do you keep trying to - to do stuff like this?” She questioned, and you would tense up a little whilst you thought back to your reasoning, afraid of how she might react, and of upsetting her again if you told her. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” She pried, and you would nod hastily, knowing that if you hesitated she would be further upset, and worried, and you couldn’t allow that to happen; couldn’t upset her any further than you could see than you already had.
“I’m-.. I’m not-.. ready,” you claimed feebly, your voice close to a whisper, and she would frown, before nodding gravely; she understood that it was hard, but hated to think that maybe she had done something somehow to make you want to try and take your life again, when that was far from the case; it was only down to your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs alone. “C-Can we talk about it another time, maybe?” You suggested, and she would hesitate, before nodding, and sitting down beside you so she could hook her left arm around your waist in the best way possible, allowing her to ease you closer to her whilst you subconsciously rested your head on her left shoulder, and would wrap your arms around her whilst you snuggled closer to her, feeling safer and more content than you had ever been before whenever she was with you, and cradling you close to her like she was, now.
“Of course we can, just-.. promise me that you’ll tell me when you feel like you can, okay?” She requested, and you would nod, yet again trying not to hesitate for fear of worrying her or upsetting her any further.
“I’ll tell you when I feel like I can, I promise,” you stated, and she would express relief, glad, whilst you would smile softly up at her, prompting her heart to skip a beat whilst she reflected your smile, resulting in you forgetting how to breathe whilst you admired her, and would play with her hair using your right hand, and she would subconsciously lean into your touch. “Can I-.. k-kiss you, or-?” You inquired, not wanting to do it without her permission, and she would grin over at you, evidently amused by your request whilst you would appear flustered, blood rushing to your cheeks whilst you silently begged her to let you as you were desperate to feel your lips against her’s again, finding that kissing her always made you feel warm and fuzzy, and that was a feeling you never wanted to lose, like how you hoped you’d never lose her as she made you happier than you’d ever been, before, whenever you weren’t finding yourself thinking about why someone perfect like her was wasting her time on a supposed nobody like you.
“Of course you can,” she answered, prompting your smile to grow a little more whilst you appeared relieved that she wasn’t teasing you about your previously quite shy demeanour, “you don’t have to ask me, silly.”
“R-Right, sorry,” you replied barely audibly, and she couldn’t help, but giggle, before she shook her head, and you would appear further flustered.
“You’re adorable,” she remarked, and you would make to protest, but she would lean closer to you to delicately connect her lips to your’s before you could, prompting you to instantly falter whilst you melted into the kiss, and she would ease you even closer to her to ensure that there were no gaps left between you both whilst the kiss began to deepen, surprising you, but you would welcome it once you’d managed to relax into it, feeling empty and sad once the kiss had sadly come to an end once you both found yourselves having to stop so you could breathe, giggling breathlessly together whilst she affectionately connected her forehead to your’s. “I - I love you, you know that, right?” She inquired hopefully, and you would nod whilst you smiled lovingly over at her, wondering what you’d done to deserve someone as good as her whilst she beamed back at you, glad to hear that you still knew, and hadn’t yet forgot again like you sometimes appeared to, worrying her whenever you did quite quickly as - whenever you did seem to forget, you found yourself in more of a depressed state, and she couldn’t bear to see it happen; she hated seeing you in so much pain, and hated to hear you doubting yourself, and her love for you.
“I love you, too,” you returned, your voice close to a whisper, before you shyly lifted your right hand up to her left cheek, prompting her to smile over at you again warmly whilst blood rushed up to her, as well as your cheeks, and she would lean into your touch subconsciously whilst she found herself briefly getting lost within your eyes in the best way possible, “and I always will, I promise, n-no matter what happens, a-and I’ll never stop, even when you decide you don’t want me anymore-”
“Hey,” she cooed faintly, a hurt look on her face again, “I’m never going to stop wanting you, I promise, so don’t ever worry about that happening, because it never will, okay?” You would hesitate, before nodding slowly, and she would try not to worry about you again, leaning forward to kiss you delicately to get you to smile again, whilst she also surprised you by using her right hand to tickle your left side, startling you whilst you squirmed within her embrace, and giggled uncontrollably; your sides were your weakest point - she knew you too well, now. “Oh, sorry - are you ticklish there?” She teased, whilst you tried to escape her hold by attempting to tickle her, but she would manage to evade your efforts, managing - even - to playfully pin you down on your back upon the sofa whilst she grinned down at you victoriously, glad that she had evidently won against you, whilst you would appear flustered, noticing the position that you both were in. She would then smirk upon noticing the look on your face, before tilting her head partially whilst she straddled you, keeping you trapped beneath her blissfully, as if she thought you would try and escape her, when really you’d rather stay like this beneath her, revelling in the moment. “Would you-.. maybe be up to having some fun, with me, or are you tired?” She asked, not wanting you to feel as if you had to, and you would appear further flustered whilst you tried to hide your face from her, for a moment, feeling that you had begun to blush profusely.
“I - I don’t mind, but - aren’t those people still expecting you for that interview thing you were gonna do?” You inquired, not wanting her to stay for you, and waste her time on you anymore instead of her career, feeling as if you weren’t exactly worth it, like she believed you to be, unbeknownst to you.
“I could easily call it off?” She suggested, and you would hesitate, before shaking your head gravely, and she would try and hide that your response had disappointed, as well as worried her again as she couldn’t help, but think: what if you were only lying to her about still feeling the same way for her, or were afraid of disappointing her due to how you always appeared to be hesitant, and tended to pull out of fooling around with her ever since you’d both started going out together though you’d both fooled around before whilst you were both drunk during a college trip, and little did she know that you had also been worried about disappointing her whenever occasions like these took place, leaving you worried that maybe she’d not want to be with you anymore if you did end up disappointing her, somehow, so you tended to try and avoid it to the best of your ability though it made you feel guilty to see that she appeared a little sad that you’d turned down the opportunity to fool around with her again.
“I don’t want you to think that you have to do that for me,” you admitted timidly, whilst Margot would frown, before shaking her head, and relocating her right hand down to your left cheek, prompting your heart to skip a beat whilst you subconsciously admired her, forgetting how to breathe for a moment, “n-not that I don’t want to fool around with you, you know I do; I - I’d love to, but-.. your work is more important than I could ever be-”
“It’s not,” she contradicted, “Y/n-”
“A-Anyway, we-.. we could always fool around later,” you reminded her, and she would lift an eyebrow whilst she considered it, and would then smirk, before nodding, and leaning down to delicately, and yet passionately kiss you blissfully, and you would instantly melt into the kiss whilst blood rushed to your cheeks, and you would grow to be further flustered whilst you stammered a little once the kiss had sadly ended, “I’m guessing that means you would want to?”
“More than anything,” she answered, “why wouldn’t I? Would - you - be up for it? I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable if you’re not-”
“Of course I’m up for it,” you reassured her hastily, surprising her, but she would express relief whilst she smiled warmly down at you, and would affectionately connect her forehead to your’s again after playfully booping the tip of your nose with her’s, prompting you to grin up at her whilst your eyes glinted following them locking with her stunning icy blue ones in the best way possible, “e-especially when I’ll be able to actually remember it happening, this time - remind me not to get drunk, baby, please.”
“Don’t worry - I won’t let you forget a second of it, this time,” she cooed, before begrudgingly checking the clock, and rolling her eyes; she’d have to leave in a few minutes, or so, if she wanted to get to the place on time for her interview, “I should go, but I suppose the faster I leave, the faster I’ll be able to get back home to you - just promise me something.”
“Anything,” you replied, noticing that she appeared a little anxious to be leaving after she’d discovered you about to try and take your life, prompting you to feel guilty again whilst your heart ached excruciatingly alongside her’s; you hated hurting her like you evidently had been doing recently by being the way that you were, and always had been, ever since you’d both first met in college together, and fallen in love with one another.
“Promise me that you’ll still be here here when I get back, and I swear to god if you hesitate I’m staying-”
You would smile softly up at her, before you leaned forward to briefly, and delicately connect your lips to her’s, silencing her whilst she instantly melted into the kiss, and couldn’t help, but smile against your lips whilst her heart raced alongside your’s in the best way possible. Once the kiss had sadly ended, you would both stare longingly at one another, wishing you could stay like this forever whilst you stroked her hair with your right hand, soothing her more than she ever thought she could be whilst her stunning icy blue eyes seemed to get lost in your’s.
“I’ll still be here when you get back, I promise,” you stated, and she would express relief, glad, “and if you want you can call me at any time and I swear I’ll answer, and probably say something like ‘I love you’.” Margot would appear taken aback; a little more flustered than she had been, before, whilst blood rushed to her cheeks again. You would then smirk up at her, noticing that you’d had the desired effect on her that you had been trying to have, only flustering her further whilst she tried to hide her face from you for a moment, giggling a little in response to your reaction. “I shouldn’t have told you that, actually - now you might not call to try and avoid getting all flustered, like you are, now-”
“Oh don’t worry, I’ll still call,” she reassured, and you would lift an eyebrow, “I promise - just because I love you, and I’m gonna miss the sound of your voice whilst I’m gone.”
You would appear surprised - you evidently hadn’t been expecting her to miss it like you knew you’d miss the sound of her’s.
“I - I’m gonna miss the sound of your’s, too,” you returned, evidently flustered yourself, now, alongside her, and she would smile lovingly down at you, whilst wondering what she’d done to deserve someone as good as you, and you couldn’t help, but wonder the exact same thing - how could someone as perfect as her love a supposed nobody like you believed yourself to be?
“Then I’m definitely gonna call,” she replied playfully, before leaning down to once more passionately as well as delicately kiss you, and then begrudgingly getting up off of the sofa, sadly freeing you though you found yourself now wishing you’d got her to stay with you, instead, until you remembered that it would be wrong if you did, and that you weren’t worth as much as her career is, prompting your heart to sink a little, but you would try and hide this from her whilst you smiled over at her, and got up alongside her whilst she re-retrieved her bag which was rested upon the coffee table after she’d returned to find you about to try and take your life, and would smile sadly back at you, wishing she could stay with you. “I’m gonna try and make it quick, okay?” She cooed, whilst she wrapped her arms around your waist, and would affectionately connect her forehead to your’s whilst you returned the embrace, and would nod. “See you in a bit,” she concluded after briefly connecting her lips to your’s, and then begrudgingly dragged herself out to the front door of her house.
“See you,” you returned whilst you lingered in the hallway, and she would share one more faint smile over at you, before pushing herself to leave, prompting you to begin feeling empty again whilst you began to feel lost, and as if you didn’t know what to do with yourself once she’d gone, surprising you whilst you found yourself trying not to cry for a moment, until you recalled that she would be returning to you soon, partly soothing you enough to pull yourself together a bit more whilst you constantly reminded yourself of this fact, and would try and distract yourself by cleaning things up for her until she returned home, though she’d always insisted upon doing it herself, instead, not wanting you to have to feel as if you had to do it, especially not whilst you were in the state you currently were in.
🜚
Once she had finally returned, you found yourself elated, rushing into the hallway once you’d heard the front door being unlocked, and she would beam over at you as soon as her gaze fell upon you, before closing the front door, and rushing up to you and throwing her arms around you, and you would instantly return the embrace - though she’d called you like she said she would, you still found yourselves missing one another more than you thought you would after speaking on the phone, and checking up on each other, therefore glad to be back with one another again physically as you hated having gaps between you both, and not making contact of any kind with each other.
“I missed you-” You both managed to blurt out together, before appearing flustered, and giggling breathlessly whilst she rested her head on your right shoulder, allowing her to - when you least expected it - press a kiss to your cheek, flustering you even more whilst blood rushed to your cheeks, and she would smirk over at you when she noticed that you had so easily begun to blush quite profusely. You would then try and hide your face from her though she had already seen that you were blushing, prompting her to delicately turn your head with her right hand on your left cheek so she could blissfully lock eyes with you for a moment, before she leaned forward to connect her lips to your’s in the best way possible, and you would instantly melt into the kiss whilst you revelled in the warm and fuzzy feeling it was providing you, as well as the feeling of butterflies fluttering around in your stomach whilst the kiss lasted, leaving you feeling empty as soon as it had sadly ended.
“H-How was it? Did you have fun?” You inquired whilst you held her at arm’s length, and she would smirk over at you whilst her stunning icy blue eyes began to glint, prompting your heart to skip a beat whilst it raced alongside her’s in perfect sync like it always did whenever you both were together.
“It wasn’t bad,” she answered, before inching closer to you, flustering you and overwhelming you even further whilst your heart pounded against your ribcage, or felt as if it were; you guessed she had recalled your previous suggestion of fooling around later in the day, technically after she had done her interview, and you would find yourself forgetting how to breathe whilst she affectionately connected her forehead to your’s in the best way possible, allowing you to get lost within her eyes, “but - I was happier being with you; it was so boring without you, honestly - everything is.”
“Really?” You asked, evidently surprised, and she would nod whilst she played with your hair using her right hand again.
“Yeah,” she replied, and you couldn’t help, but smile even wider over at her whilst you leaned into her touch subconsciously, feeling much more relaxed already than you had, before, whilst your heart had been pounding, instead blissfully now racing alongside her’s again like it had been previously before she’d suggestively inched closer to you, “Y/n, you - you always seem to make things-.. brighter, w-whenever we’re together, and I can’t help, but smile whenever I’m with you; you’ve honestly made me so much happier than I’ve ever been, before; I love you so much.”
You would then begin to stammer, evidently flustered again; you couldn’t believe a supposed nobody like you could make someone perfect like her feel that way, and wondered - again - what you had done to deserve her; what you had done to be treated the way she treated you, making you feel as if you were special, and not the freak that you had been made to believe you were by your father, after your mother had passed away, and before you had moved out of his house and into your own apartment.
“I - I love you, too,” you returned feebly, your voice close to a whisper, and quite shaky as you were now finding yourself trying not to cry in front of her, prompting her heart to sink a little; she feared that maybe the tears weren’t happy, and wondered what was upsetting you, “a-and you - you’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been before, too; y-you’re the only person who could ever provide me with a reason to live-”
“Hey,” she cooed gently, a pained expression on her face whilst she did, and you would fall quiet whilst you sniffled, and bowed your head as your face had now contorted; you couldn’t help, but break down, and she would falter upon hearing that you had begun to cry, prompting her to hold you close to her again so you could bury your face into the crook of her neck whilst you cried into it, strained sobs escaping your lips whilst you clung to her shoulders, silently cursing yourself for being so pathetic and weak in front of her, “y-you - you have so many reasons to live - I’m not the only one.” You would shake your head gravely, doubting that, but you would try not to protest, not wanting to upset her or worry her any further about you whilst she blissfully ran her fingers through your hair, soothing you instantly again whilst you revelled in the feeling, and leaned into her touch subconsciously. “Please tell me these are happy tears, at least,” she requested, and you would nod hastily whilst you smiled lovingly up at her.
“I could only ever cry happy tears around you,” you reassured her, and she would express relief, glad as she hated seeing you upset, though it did pain her to remind herself of how your statement wasn’t completely true; she’d often found you crying not-so-happy tears before, and still had no clue why; you’d never told her about your doubts regarding your worth, or your doubts surrounding how you believed you weren’t good enough for her, and could never make her happy the way you believed you had been made to as a result of trying to shower her with all the love you held, and would always hold for her. “I’ve just-.. never felt so-.. loved.. by anyone before,” you mused, and she would frown, before holding your left hand in her right one, prompting you to forget how to breathe again whilst your eyes locked with her’s, and she found she couldn’t resist it any longer as she leaned forward to kiss you delicately, and you would instantly melt into it, even when the kiss gradually began to deepen, and she would lower her bag to carefully ease you against the wall for stability as she wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t fall over, and hurt yourself, not caring much if she lost stability, herself, unless her instability threatened you, too. You would have allowed it to continue, if it weren’t for your fears of disappointing her, and losing her again, prompted to circle around your mind again once she took off her coat hastily, and would make to take off her top, but you would hastily blurt out: ‘stop’ before she could, prompting her to falter, and her smile to fade whilst she glanced over at you, the light of her eyes dimming a little. “W-We can’t-”
“Can’t?” She interjected, a hurt look on her face whilst she did, and you would bow your head, feeling bad whilst you stared down at the ground - it wasn’t like you didn’t want to; you longed to, even, but just felt as if you’d never be able to please her like that, and feared that if you didn’t she’d decide she no longer wanted you by her side anymore, and couldn’t imagine your life without her in it.
“Margot, I-”
“I can’t keep playing pretend, Y/n,” she stated dejectedly, and you would frown, before timidly glancing up at her; you evidently feared what she may be about to tell you; appeared terrified that maybe she were about to break up with you for rejecting her advances again, but she could never do that to you; she loved you too much to, and - like you - couldn’t imagine what her life would be like without you in it; hated the possibility that one day she might lose you for a reason unbeknownst to her, “it’s - it’s like you-.. you just don’t want to fool around with me, ever, but why? We did before-”
“You don’t understand-”
“I think I do,” she contradicted, and you would gravely shake your head whilst you found yourself trying not to cry again whilst your heart ached excruciatingly alongside her’s, “have you been lying this whole time about not remembering what it was like? Because I can’t think of any other reason why you might not want to do this with me-”
“I do want to, I just-.. just can’t, okay?” You continued, and she would nod gravely, before bowing her head again, and then glancing toward the front door as if she wanted to escape from this moment; longed to escape the pain that it was causing both her, and you, whilst you would begin to panic, desperate for her to stay. “D-Don’t go again, babe, please-”
“If you want me to stay, then give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave,” she requested, and you would draw in a shaky breath, before you timidly stepped closer to her, flustering her whilst she longingly looked over at you, and her gaze even tended to drift down to your lips, like your’s did, too, drifting down to her’s, whilst blood rushed to your cheeks.
“I-If you left, I - I wouldn’t be able to show you how much I love you to try and get you to stay with me, u-until-.. until you don’t want me anymore-”
“I’ll always want you,” she stated, before giving in, and wrapping her arms around you whilst she kissed you again, and you would instantly melt into the kiss, trying not to panic about your previous fears, knowing that if you did, you probably would end up disappointing her, before she connected her forehead to your’s again, and would smile warmly over at you, soothing you instantly whilst your heart raced alongside her’s again in the best way possible, “n-nothing could ever change that, I promise; I love you, a-and I always will, no matter what - so-.. would you be up for it? I obviously won’t force you, I just-.. y’know..”
“I’d - I’d love to,” you reassured her, and she would appear elated, before delicately connecting her lips to your’s again, and carefully picking you up off of the ground as you were a little shorter than her, making it easier for her to carry you up the stairs whilst you both occasionally giggled breathlessly together, and shared briefer kisses, before disappearing into your and her bedroom together to fool around with one another sober, this time.
🜸🜚🜸
Despite the fact that things had managed to improve between you both following that previous moment, and you were surprised to find that you hadn’t ended up disappointing her the way that you had worried you might, you would find yourself disheartened again by how you often tended to fail to find work; you often failed your auditions, and didn’t do the best job at your interviews, only making things harder for you, making you anxious about what people might think of you, including Margot as it felt as if you were also failing her, too - something you couldn’t bear, though she never seemed to express anything like this whenever you both were together, seeming - instead - proud of you for trying the way you were despite everything that had previously happened to you with your father abusing you, mentally burdening you though you had now escaped him, and hopefully would never end up seeing him anymore, and even if you did, Margot vowed to never let him hurt you again, certain that she could protect you from him though you feared that maybe he would manage to hurt her, too, and you knew you’d never be able to forgive yourself if she did, so you therefore hoped she’d never have to encounter him, and feel as if she had to try and protect you from him if he ever ended up trying to hurt you, again.
Ever since you had failed your first audition that she had suggested you do, you found yourself already beginning to feel like a failure, as well as a burden on her as you didn’t like that she had felt as if she had to try and help you to find a part you could play - something you’d often hoped you would be able to do alongside her as it was something you both regularly talked about ever since you’d both become friends, and fallen in love with one another in college together - you had found yourself beginning to drink a little more alcohol than you used to as you found you couldn’t stand returning home to her with the news that you had failed yet another audition, or interview, sick of being the way that you were, and believing - again - that she deserved someone better than you, and though you promised her you would stop drinking a little while ago, now, you found you couldn’t though you hated yourself for breaking one of your promises again, like how you’d recently broken your promise you’d made her to stop trying to take your life, and of course she soon found out, catching you drinking during the night in the garden whilst she was in bed following her waking up upon feeling that you were no longer beside her, and discovering that you were no longer with her, panicking her whilst she looked around to try and find you, only to discover you outside with a half-empty bottle of beer in your right hand whilst you were crying quietly into your free left one, contemplating over your recent failures, and the recent ones you couldn’t help, but try and lie to her about by claiming that you had thought the most recent audition had gone better than you actually thought it had.
“Y/n-?” She cooed once her gaze had fallen upon you, and you would appear startled, allowing the bottle to slip from your hands, but it was too close to the ground already to shatter, instead toppling over, and you would curse shakily in a voice close to a whisper, before reaching down hastily to stand the bottle back up before the remains within it could all spill out. Margot would then frown upon noticing the bottle, a hurt look on her face whilst she recalled how you had promised her you would stop drinking recently, and had basically broken your promise. She also couldn’t help, but wonder if this was the first time you had begun drinking again, or if there had been other times behind her back after you had made your aforementioned promise to her, and the bad feeling she was currently experiencing was telling her that her suspicions were right; you had been drinking before this moment even after you had promised her you would stop. “Are you kidding me? Hasn’t this addiction done enough damage, already?” She questioned, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did; she was trying not to cry as she couldn’t believe that you were doing this again, and feared what it might end up doing to you, if you kept on going the way that you were, and had been recently; she couldn’t imagine her life without you in it, and worried that maybe if you kept drinking, she would lose you, somehow, whilst you were hoping that she would be happy, if alcohol did end up taking your life, believing that if she were free of you, she’d be able to find someone better for her, no matter how much you knew it would hurt you to be away from her both whilst you were still alive if she ended up leaving you before, and whilst you were stuck within the afterlife, wherever it would end up taking you to.
“I - I’m so sorry, Margot, I-” You began feebly whilst tears continued to stream down your cheeks, and you would get up off of the seat you had been previously perched unstably upon, having to lean heavily on it as you found you felt faint all of a sudden, as well as a little nauseous; the bottle you’d had in your hand obviously hadn’t been the first one.
“You promised,” she reminded you dejectedly, and you would falter, before bowing your head whilst you nodded gravely, and would try and think of something to say to try and explain yourself, desperate to try and fix the situation, somehow, but before you could, she would muster out in a strained way the two words: ‘that’s it’, before she disappeared back inside, and you would panic, making to rush after her, but you would stagger whilst you tried, before having to use the wall to support you whilst you dragged yourself inside, feeling weaker, and more disorientated than you ever had, before; you couldn’t believe it - that you were losing her already, and despite your previous thoughts, you would try and follow her up the stairs as she made to pack your things for you, not sure of how else to react in a way that could help you, terrified of losing her as you couldn’t imagine what your life would be like without her in it.
“Wait, please!” You begged, but she wouldn’t stop though what she was doing felt wrong to her, and subconsciously longed to stop, and turn around to throw her arms around you whilst you both cried in one another’s arms, and tried to provide comfort to each other, but she would try and tell herself that she was upset with you for breaking yet another promise that you had made her, before, and that she couldn’t trust you to change, though the thought hurt her, and made her curse herself internally for believing something like that about you; she’d always believed in you, and despite what you had been doing recently, she still did - she loved you too much to just stop. “I - I can explain, I swear-”
“Don’t bother,” she interjected, before hesitantly turning to face you, and you would lean against the wall to your left side whilst you silently pleaded with her to stay with you, knowing that by losing her you would be losing everything, including your will to live again - without her by your side, you knew there would be no point to anything, and that everything around you would all just be grey and bleak like it was, before you’d first met her, and fallen in love with her - the first time the sun had ever decided to present itself to you ever since your mother had passed after she’d given birth to you, and your father had abused you before you’d managed to finally move out and get your own apartment after you’d turned eighteen, and graduated from college. “Y-You know I would have done anything for you, right?” She admitted, and you would begin to feel even worse whilst a strained sob fought to escape your lips, but you would try and hold it back, not wanting to upset her any further by breaking down in front of her, knowing that whenever you did she seemed to worry even more about you, and often found herself trying not to cry alongside you as she hated to see you struggling the way that you evidently were, and had been, before. “Would you have done the same? Because sometimes it feels like you don’t even care anymore; you’ve already broken another promise, even though you told me you’d stop after the first one-”
“I tried,” you stated, and she would appear doubtful, prompting your heart to somehow ache even more alongside her own; she couldn’t stand doing this to you, and hoped that it would encourage you to stop drinking, as well as to stop trying to take your life, and instead get you to actually talk to her rather than resorting to hurting yourself even more, “I swear-”
“I don’t believe you,” she claimed simply in a strained manner as if the words were paining her; as if she didn’t mean them, and knew that you weren’t lying to her, “I can’t, I’m sorry.”
“W-What so-.. that’s-.. that’s it, then, for us?” You guessed, trying to hide, and failing miserably, your crestfallen demeanour - you couldn’t help, but despise yourself for hurting her like you evidently had managed to again, prompting the thought that she would be better off without you to circle your mind again repeatedly, and excruciatingly, to the point you found it was even harder to try not to break down in front of her whilst you bowed your head again, and bit down on your bottom lip harshly to try and stop it from trembling.
Margot then couldn’t help, but hesitate, before forcing herself to nod gravely though what she was doing felt more wrong than anything ever had, before, prompting her to find herself on the verge of breaking down alongside you again; she couldn’t take what she was doing anymore, and knew that - though she was trying to help you, and told herself that she would try and fix things between you and her once you’d managed to decide you would try and turn things around - the next few days, if it ended up taking that long, would be the most painful she’d ever experienced before.
“It is, if you feel like you can’t try and stop drinking - do you know how much it hurts me seeing you like this, Y/n? I - I don’t even care as much about you breaking the promise you made me, but - I do care about what you’re doing to yourself; to us,” she expressed, and you would find you couldn’t speak for a moment; it was too painful to even try anymore, and you just wished you could collapse and die, though you doubted the afterlife would be any better, especially without her being by your side; you’d always dreamt of spending eternity with her, and knew now that you most likely never would be able to - it was too painful to stop drinking, especially whenever you were reminded of who you were; a supposed nobody, compared to her - someone who has, and undoubtedly always would be perfect like she had been since you’d first met her, and fallen in love with her during your and her college days. “So-? Can you stop? Because I can’t go on like this anymore; can’t go on seeing you doing this to yourself anymore; you haven’t even told me why you’re doing it,” she recalled, and you would shake your head gravely; you didn’t want to tell her because you knew that she’d be upset by how you thought she would perceive you to be a burden, or a failure as a result of your lack of success with the auditions and interviews you had been doing recently, when she could never see you as anything like that; she loved you too much to, and had vowed ever since she’d first met you, and become friends with you to support you and shower you with the love she held, and would always hold for you to the best of her ability, though you couldn’t imagine why she was even still bothering, and had been bothering to allow you to supposedly burden her like you believed you had always done for this long.
“And I never will,” you managed, a pained expression on your face whilst your voice shook again, and she would frown whilst she wondered why you felt as if you couldn’t tell her, not knowing - again - that it was because you were afraid of disappointing her by telling her that you were positive that you’d messed up your most recent audition and interview again, “I can’t.”
She would then nod gravely, before forcing herself to look away from you though it pained her even more to do so, and you would begin to feel numb, and empty, guessing that what was about to happen would result in what you had always feared - you were about to lose her, and it was all your fault, like everything else bad in the world was also your fault - something your father had made you believe since you’d been able to walk.
“Well I’m sorry you feel that way,” she replied, whilst you would silently beg her to meet your gaze again, but she found she couldn’t, knowing she would break down alongside you if she allowed herself to give in so easily, “I have to go out in the morning, so - you can pack your bags then, and - and leave so I don’t have to come back and fight with you anymore; d-don’t have to see you like this anymore-”
“No, p-please - don’t do this-”
“Night,” she interrupted feebly, and you would falter again whilst she meandered around you, and made to go back downstairs, intending to sleep - instead - on the sofa, panicking you as you thought she was going out.
“Please don’t go,” you begged, evidently terrified of being alone right now after this moment, finding you couldn’t trust yourself not to try and take your life again in this state, “I’m scared; I - I need you here with me, I-”
She would hesitantly stop for a moment, glancing back at you; she didn’t want you to think that you would be alone, knowing that it often scared you to be alone whilst you were in a state like this, and your current demeanour even prompted her to recall the moments in which she cradled you close to her whilst you cried after you had been beaten by your father, and had snuck out to rush to her house, finding you could only feel safe, and more content than you had ever been whilst you were with her, and recalled how - on a trip one time whilst you were both going to college together - she would sneak over to your bed after you’d woken up from a nightmare, and appeared terrified, prompting her to worry about you, and to try and provide comfort to you whilst she held you close to her, and would try and make you laugh and soothe you by playing with your hair until you found yourself falling back into sleep alongside her, every time finding yourself experiencing a peaceful and uninterrupted sleep whenever she was beside you, and holding you the way she had that night.
“I’m just gonna be downstairs,” she stated, and you would realise, before shaking your head again, “I want you to have the bed for tonight-”
“No,” you whined, not wanting her to feel as if she had to sleep on the sofa, instead, when what had previously happened was your fault, and your fault only, “I - I should be sleeping on the sofa, Margot, not you - this is all my fault-”
“I want you to have it, regardless,” she insisted, making you feel even worse for what had happened; you couldn’t believe it, and wished she would - instead - banish you down to the sofa, or kick you out now, feeling as if you deserved this from her, instead of her allowing you to sleep on the bed, and to leave in the morning, “the sofa’s comfortable enough for me, anyway, and it’s still close if you need me i-if you end up having a nightmare, or anything, and are scared.”
“But-”
“No buts,” she continued, before forcing a faint smile over at you, only prompting your heart to sink even more somehow whilst another tear managed to escape, and run down your right cheek slowly, and as soon as she noticed it her smile would falter whilst she hastily looked away again for a brief moment, until she felt able to recover herself, and look back up at you; she didn’t want to further upset you by allowing you to see that she, too, was struggling not to break down alongside you, “just - try and get some sleep for me, okay? You’ll feel better in the morning, if you do.”
“W-Wait,” you continued, evidently desperate to try and get her to change her mind; you were more terrified than you had ever been, before, as you’d never imagined what it would be like to truly lose her, though you often considered how it would be better for her if you just disappeared, and allowed her to find someone who was actually good enough for her, and could make her happier than you had ever somehow managed to before, “please, I love you, I-”
“Just-.. Go to sleep, Y/n, please,” she begged, though she felt guilty again for doing so, especially when she noticed the hurt and dejected expression on your face; she’d never intended to snap at you like that, and couldn’t believe that she just had, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean - didn’t mean to snap at you like that, I just-”
“No, it’s - it’s okay,” you tried to reassure her, knowing you deserved it, and that she had every right to be upset with you, you just couldn’t believe how painful it was to be feeling everything within you collapsing the way it currently was, “I should-..” You would gesticulate to the bedroom door a few paces away from you, finding your voice failing you again, whilst she would begrudgingly nod in response whilst staring down at the ground, and trying to fight back her currently invading tears. “N-Night,” you returned, before dragging yourself into the bedroom, and she couldn’t help - once she’d heard the door close - but allow her face to contort whilst she began to cry quietly, trying her best not to allow a strained sob to escape her lips whilst she continued down the stairs, and would sink down onto the sofa in the living room whilst you - unbeknownst to her - curled up upon the bed, hugging one of her jumpers close to you whilst you cried into it, and silently begged her to come back, longing to feel her arms around you again until you somehow managed to fall asleep with only thoughts of her and the future you had always envisioned being with her painfully and tauntingly circling your mind as if it were now out of the picture.
🜸🜚🜸
After you’d left that morning, of course you had tried to take your life more often; it wasn’t worth living without her beside you, and of course you resorted to trying to drink more whenever you failed as a result of your sister catching you in the act, and you even failed to drink as whenever your sister caught you, she would confiscate all the alcohol you realised you had left within your apartment though you hadn’t been there for a little while, now, often previously staying with Margot within her own house. The reminder would often prompt your heart to sink whilst you curled up on the sofa, crying quietly whilst you buried your face into your right arm - things could never be the same again without her, and the pain was excruciating, just like you had suspected it would be, but you couldn’t help, but hope that Margot was happy, now, with you gone, when she found she could only be the opposite of that - ever since you had left, she found herself struggling a lot more than she had, before, sometimes making mistakes in her interviews whenever she got distracted, and found herself thinking, as well as worrying, about you; she often got a bad feeling whenever you were about to try and take your life, and often made sure to call your sister to make sure that you were okay as soon as she could once the interviews or auditions were over as she often struggled to engage in them, too, since that previous painful occurrence that took place between you both.
She also found that - whenever she called up your sister to check on you - she felt guiltier than she ever had before, and wished she could try and make up for what had happened, especially whenever your sister told her about all that you had been trying to do to yourself recently, and about how you were struggling to sleep, making her feel even worse; she even wished, now, that she’d never handled the situation the way she had, whilst you believed it had been right of her to react like that, knowing you deserved it, and were nothing short of the reason to blame for what had happened, hoping - now - that she would soon, if she hadn’t already (which she most definitely hadn’t - unbeknownst to you) found someone better for her that could actually make her happy, as you doubted you ever could, though you longed to spoil her to the best of your ability, and to shower her with all the love and affection you knew you would always hold for her, whether that was soon to be during the afterlife, or for whilst you were still painfully living if you never ended up succeeding in terms of trying to take your life.
An excruciating week or so after the aforementioned occurrence, Margot would be surprised, as well as worried to find your sister calling her, prompting her to begin to dread what might have happened whilst she stared tearfully down at her phone for a moment, considering the possibilities whilst she silently cursed herself for not visiting before, and making sure that you were okay: you could be dead right now, after having possibly succeeded to take your life away from your sister so she couldn’t stop you, this time, or you could have overdosed on alcohol, or been in the process of hurting yourself when you were found, before your sister had called her - all probabilities were painful, and it terrified her to think that maybe she had already lost you, prompting her to hastily accept the call, and lift her phone up to her right ear whilst she turned down the volume of her television as she’d been recently watching it more often to try and distract herself; she couldn’t bear the silence, but even the television was only paining her as you’d both often cuddled up on the sofa together before to watch it.
“Hey, Luce,” she began feebly, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, and tried to fight back her tears even more though she was struggling not to break down right now, painfully awaiting what Lucy - your sister - was about to reveal to her, “is - is Y/n okay? Are you okay?”
“It’s not Lucy,” you answered, and she would falter, her tears being shocked out of her eyes whilst a shaky sigh of relief escaped from her lips - she hadn’t lost you like she had previously feared she had - not yet, anyway. Her blood would then run cold again, and she knew she’d have to try and fix things, and soon, if she wanted to ensure that you could both remain to be a part of one another’s future, like you had both always longed to be ever since you’d first met, and fallen in love with each other whilst you were both going to college together. “I - I’m sorry, I just-.. I picked up her phone because I was bored, a-and I missed you, and when I noticed your number I panicked and just-.. I miss you so much,” you expressed, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and she would smile softly whilst she began to wonder if you, or Lucy would allow her to come over to your apartment; she was desperate to see you again, like you, too, were desperate to see her again, though you doubted she’d ever want to, and knew she probably had found someone better than you by now, or rather you hoped that she had, knowing you’d most likely never be able to make her happy again, after all that had happened recently, and due to the way that you were, and always had been in general. “I know you probably don’t wanna talk to me anymore, and I’m sorry, I just - I had to hear your voice again - everything hurts so much, u-until I hear, or see you,” you mused, “that’s all I know, now - I’m so sorry-”
“N-No, it’s - it’s okay, Y/n,” she managed feebly, “don’t apologise, okay? Of course I still wanna talk to you - I want to help you, and get you through this, so - is there any way I could try and do that for you? Maybe if I came over to see you, or-?” You would fall quiet for a moment, a pained expression on your face whilst you considered her suggestion; you couldn’t imagine why she’d want to come and see you after what had recently happened between you both. Margot would then find herself growing to be worried about you again as a result of your silence, terrifying her as it made her think that maybe you had begun to cry, or had been in the process of trying to take your life, somehow, before you called her. “Y/n? Are - Are you okay? Say something-”
“You could lie to me,” you suggested faintly, and she would appear puzzled, as well as a little disappointed by your suggestion, “I don’t care what it is that you say, just - lie to me; make me feel okay again.”
She would frown, realising; she’d never thought that by effectively breaking up with you, and gently kicking you out of the house, she would have this effect on you, hoping - instead - that it would have helped you to get better; to stop drinking, and trying to take your life when really it had only made things worse for you to be away from her.
“Why would you want me to lie to you?” She asked, and you would hesitate, before deciding to admit to your recent thoughts.
“Because I know that - that you telling me that you love me, care about me, and don’t hate me would have to be a lie,” you explained, and she would somehow manage to feel her heart sink again whilst she shook her head subconsciously, and would brush her tears away to the best of her ability with her left hand though there were more invading her stunning icy blue eyes despite them already being quite sore from her previous crying session not too long ago, now, “you have every right to hate me, now, a-and not love me anymore, I mean-.. I was just hoping that maybe you’d - be able to forgive me, somehow? I-If not I completely understand, and obviously don’t wanna force you, I just-”
“Of course I forgive you,” she reassured, and you would express relief as you had been worried that maybe she wouldn’t, and rightly so; you knew you’d never be able to forgive yourself for breaking your promises, and had begun to hate yourself even more after you had; you’d always hate yourself for hurting her, especially when you believed you had been made to make her happy; to shower her with all your love and affection to the best of your ability, “even though you basically just threw our four years of friendship out the window last week; I-.. I can’t not forgive you, because I-.. I - I mean-.. you mean too much to me, and if I lost you-.. I honestly don’t know what I’d do - this week’s been so much harder than it would have been if you were still here with me, a-and - I honestly hated every second of it; hated every second of being away from you.”
You would falter, a pained expression on your face again whilst you bowed your head, hoping - though you still loved her, and knew you always would - that this didn’t mean she felt the same way for you, still, no matter how much you longed to be with her again, and to hold her close to you whilst you kissed her, and buried your face into the crook of your neck, as well as longed to spend your nights and every minute you could with her, but knew you couldn’t as you knew she deserved better than you, and knew she needed to try and find someone else who could actually make her happy, believing that you couldn’t, and would only end up burdening her even further if she decided she still wanted you, somehow, which she did, and knew she always would.
“But-.. why?” You questioned, and Margot would appear nervous, before subconsciously rubbing her right arm with her left hand though you both weren’t in the same room; she was evidently terrified of what you might think if she admitted to still having feelings for you.
“L-Look, I-.. I didn’t mean-.. to kick you out last week, and nor did I mean to hurt you, or make it seem like I no longer loved you because I do; I only did it because I was hoping you would stop drinking, a-and stop trying to take your life because-.. I love you, Y/n, and I’m worried about you; if you keep on going the way that you are-”
“W-Wait, so-.. you.. you broke up with me and kicked me out to try and stop me from drinking and trying to kill myself? Seriously?” You interjected, a hurt look on your face whilst your voice briefly trembled, and you would find yourself trying not to cry again; you couldn’t believe it, and not just because it had hurt you to lose her the way that you had - it also hurt now to know that she’d done it to try and better you, when you had allowed it to only make you get worse, and you knew - then - that you would end up burdening her further if she tried to win you back, and succeeded like you knew she easily would if she tried - it was too hard for you to not give into her as your feelings for her were overwhelming, and too powerful to deny, especially when she was in the same room as you.
“I - I know, it’s - it was bad, but-.. I’m so sorry, I-”
“You broke me by doing what you did,” you interjected truthfully, and she would falter, before nodding gravely, “but-.. I don’t blame you - it was all my fault, anyway; if I hadn’t started drinking again, and tried to take my life that time-”
“Y/n, no,” she tried to stop you, not wanting you to blame yourself for what had happened, especially not whilst you were like this as she feared that maybe you would try and hurt yourself, or try to take your life again following the ending of the call, prompting her to sit up subconsciously - she knew what she would have to do, now: she needed to go over to your apartment, and to make sure that you didn’t try to take your life again like she feared you would, knowing she wouldn’t be able to survive any longer without you; it was painful enough being away from you like she was, now, but to find herself returning home knowing that you were no longer around was even more excruciating, and she wanted to avoid this scenario as best she could, hoping that this time you would both end up being able to spend eternity together like you had previously planned to, before, and hoped you would both get married like you both had also planned to, and had often talked about before whilst snuggling up together on the bed whenever you ended up having a nightmare, and sought comfort from her beside you whilst she cradled you, and reminded you of your and her future together blissfully every time. “It wasn’t your fault; none of this was your fault-”
“You deserve so much better than me,” you managed weakly whilst she would shake her head again, new tears running slowly down her cheeks whilst she got up off of the sofa, and hastily retrieved her bag whilst occasionally brushing away her tears; she wouldn’t lose you again, “I’m so sorry - I-.. I should never have called-”
“Y/n, wait, please,” she begged, and would then curse in a shaky whisper following you ending the call, before getting a bad feeling again, and beginning to panic even more, and rushing out of the living room, into the hallway, and through the front door with the intention of stopping you from trying to do what you were about to do whilst you set down Lucy’s phone dejectedly, before dragging yourself into the bathroom, locking yourself in, and retrieving the razor, as well as one bottle of beer out of six that you had managed to hide from your sister.
🜚
Once Margot had arrived at your apartment, Lucy would appear surprised as she hadn’t been expecting her to visit so unexpectedly, the look on her face already proving to be a sign of alarm; she was terrified for your life, worrying Lucy who evidently had no clue as to what it was that you were currently doing.
“Oh, hey - sorry, I wasn’t expecting you round today,” Lucy began, and Margot would nod gravely, beginning to feel bad for not giving some sort of warning to her before her arrival, “is everything okay? You - You look stressed, and tired.”
“I - I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” she tried to reassure her hastily, desperate to get to you, “where’s Y/n?”
🜸
Whilst they were both hastily searching around for you, you were sunk down against the wall in the bathroom, tears endlessly streaming down your cheeks whilst you were still holding the now blood-stained razor in your right hand, and the now empty bottle of beer in your left one. You’d left a few cuts wherever you found you could, and tried to make them pretty deep, too, hoping that maybe you’d end up bleeding to death for all that you’d ended up doing to Margot, resulting in her being further worried about you, and upset to the point that she felt as if she had to try and get you to change the way that you had been recently by breaking up with you, and kicking you out despite her still somehow having feelings for you, hurting her even more.
You would be startled as soon as someone had begun to frantically knock on the bathroom door, but found you couldn’t strain out a response to it, your voice failing you, and words getting stuck within your throat beneath the lump that had formed whilst you were finding yourself trying not to cry again as a result of you thinking about your and Margot’s previous conversation over Lucy’s phone, until a familiar voice sounded out, soothing you instantly, and you even couldn’t help, but smile faintly upon hearing it.
“Y-Y/n, if - if that’s you in there, please - just-.. say something, and let us know that you’re okay,” Margot requested, though she was also finding it a struggle to speak, evidently on the verge of breaking down, and this was further heightened when she found she still couldn’t hear anything, terrifying her as a strained sob managed to escape her lips, prompting you to falter upon hearing it whilst your heart ached even more excruciatingly alongside her own.
“S-Shit, okay,” Lucy commented, “so she isn’t responding, but don’t worry, I - I have a key, and I’m gonna go and get it really quickly, just wait here-”
“Please h-hurry,” she pleaded, and Lucy would nod, before rushing out of the room whilst Margot returned her attention to the door, and leaned heavily against it, wishing she could get to you, as well as that she could turn back the time to stop herself from kicking you out of her house, and breaking up with you as she was sure, now, that she could have tried to help you using another method, and that she’d made the wrong decision, making you worse than you had been, before, but you believed you only had yourself to blame for it, and always would.
As soon as Lucy had returned, she would hastily unlock the door, panicking you, but you found you could no longer move properly; all the cuts you’d left almost all over your body were paining you too much to allow you to try and hide them, though it would be pointless to do so when they were leaving a range of blood stains both on your clothes, and on the floor - you had only been trying to hide them because you didn’t want Margot to have to see you like this; you didn’t think she would actually come and see you to make sure that you were okay, and wished she hadn’t had bothered, knowing that seeing you in this state would only hurt her even more.
Once they’d managed to get inside, they would both falter by the doorway, and you couldn’t bear to look up at them, especially not to see the pained expression currently residing on Margot’s face; she couldn’t believe what she was seeing, but at the same time cursed herself for not being as surprised as she thought she would be - she had caught you trying to take your life before, after all, but despite this fact she couldn’t help, but feel even worse as she didn’t like to think that this was simply a regular, and not uncommon occurrence for you both.
“You shouldn’t have bothered coming to see me,” you managed, your voice a little more raspy than usual, and barely audible; you couldn’t even believe - for a moment - that you had managed to speak after your gaze had briefly fallen upon her, before you had quickly lowered it down to your currently too pale hands.
Upon hearing your voice, Margot managed to drag herself out of her thoughts, allowing her to rush up to you, and crouch down in front of you whilst she tearfully examined the blood stains forming almost all over your garments, before she looked up again, allowing her stunning icy blue eyes to look with your’s, prompting another strained sob to manage to escape her lips whilst she lifted her right hand shakily up to your left cheek, prompting you to subconsciously lean into her touch whilst your own tears managed to escape, and heart ached even more somehow alongside her’s; you hated what you were doing to her, whilst she hated what she had done to you, though you hoped she wasn’t blaming herself for what had happened, feeling as if you had been the one to result in this happening, as well as everything else happening though everything else bad with the world didn’t directly involve, or centre around you.
“I couldn’t have just let this go on any longer than it already has,” she contradicted feebly, and you would shake your head gravely whilst she would briefly look back at Lucy who was already in the process of calling for an ambulance, before she looked back at you, “a-as soon as you ended the call i-it was like-.. like I knew, a-and-.. I had to see you; had to make sure that you were okay, b-because - because I still-”
“N-No, don’t,” you interjected weakly, prompting her to falter whilst a hurt look crossed her face, and her tears would begin to escape her eyes, making your heart sink as soon as you noticed them, “do you remember what I told you before? You deserve better than me; I’m not good enough for you - all I do is hurt you-”
“That’s not true,” she interrupted confidently, desperate to make you happy again, as well as to win you back so you could both do all that you had planned to do together ever since you’d admitted your feelings for one another, and started going out together a short time after you’d both graduated college, “Y/n, you - you’re perfect, a-and honestly all I could ever want; I could only ever choose you because you’re the only one who can make me feel the way I do, and sure we have our bad moments, but-.. what couple doesn’t? It’s not like we always have them.” You would scoff, and she would frown, evidently disappointed by your reaction as well as worried by it. “You know we don’t, a-and whenever we do you also know it’s because I’m worried about you; I can’t live without you, Y/n, and if you keep on doing stuff like - like this then I will be, and I’m not sure if I can do that; not sure if I can actually handle trying to live without you by my side-”
“You survived a week without me,” you reminded her, “you would be fine-”
“Really? ‘Cause I think I was barely surviving, and if I was happy do you think I’d be here not only to help you, and to try and make you happy again, but to try and start again with you, too, t-telling you about how my feelings for you never changed even after what happened last week?” She questioned, but you found you couldn’t answer, feeling much too weak, numb, and empty to, though even if you felt as if you could you wouldn’t be able to as she hastily continued, evidently desperate to prove to you that you were more than good enough for her, and that she still wanted you despite what had occurred between you both recently with your supposedly burdening drinking habits and suicidal tendencies. “A-Actually,” she began again thoughtfully whilst a soft smile would play on her lips, and you would tilt your head partially whilst you wondered what she was thinking about, and couldn’t help, but try and fight back a smile as seeing her smile - though she could only manage a faint smile during this moment - always tended to make you feel better, as if you’d never been in pain before, soothing you instantly whilst you found yourself subconsciously admiring her. “I think they did change - I don’t know how, but - my feelings for you only ever seem to grow stronger with every passing day, even when we aren’t together,” she expressed, and you would appear relieved for a moment as you had been worried - though you couldn’t imagine why when you believed, and knew you’d never stop believing that you were far from good enough for her - that maybe she had been about to tell you that she had changed her mind, and no longer wanted you anymore, something you knew would end up breaking you completely, and pushing you to go to further extremes to try and take your life. “S-So? Would-.. Would you maybe be up for-.. being my partner in crime again? As soon as you’re treated, a-and feel ready, of course,” she inquired hopefully, and you would frown whilst you thought about it after briefly appearing elated by her question, and she would begin to dread your answer as soon as your smile had dropped, suggesting to her that were considering turning her down, prompting her heart to sink alongside your’s whilst she found herself feeling empty and numb again like she had been the past few days away from you.
“Y-You know-.. sometimes I-.. wish we never met,” you admitted gravely, and Margot would falter, her demeanour sinking a little whilst she appeared crestfallen again for a moment, “if we hadn’t, you-.. you wouldn’t be wasting your time on me-”
“But that’s all that I want to do, Y/n - I want to waste my time on you; I always have, and I always will, I promise,” she insisted whilst she carefully cradled you close to her, and you would wonder why she was being so good to you after all that had happened between you both recently, subconsciously wishing you could wrap your arms around her, whilst finding you couldn’t; it was too excruciating to move any part of your body right now apart from your neck; you hadn’t left any cuts on it, and nor had you found yourself brave enough to leave any cuts upon your face. “Y-You’re my soulmate-”
“Help is coming!” Lucy exclaimed, and you would grimace, before shaking your head hastily, and glaring up at her.
“I don’t need help,” you retorted, and Lucy would wince whilst Margot would smile apologetically up at her, before returning her attention to you, and trying to provide comfort to you by playing with your hair using her right hand, soothing you instantly whilst you subconsciously leaned into her touch, “it’s like no one understands me, w-well-.. no one but-.. you, Mar - I just-.. need an end to - to this pain; I can’t stand it anymore, but-.. I loved you-..” She would falter again upon hearing you use the word ‘loved’ as if you no longer felt the same way for her, when really you were just trying to dissuade her from you, knowing you could never make her happy again; could never be who you longed to be for her, though you despised yourself for what you were doing, and longed to stop whilst you tried not to allow your gaze to drift down to her lips, instead allowing your eyes to lock with her stunning icy blue ones so you could get easily lost within them, before forcing yourself to continue feebly whilst you drifted in and out of consciousness, terrifying her; she couldn’t imagine her life without you in it, and had never thought that maybe she would end up having to try to go on living with you completely no longer by her side, or even alive anymore, prompting more tears to begin running down her cheeks whilst you longed to brush and kiss them away to try and soothe her. “I loved you so, so much, but you hurt me, Mar - I deserved it, though; I’ll always deserve this pain-”
“N-No, Y/n, you don’t deserve it,” she interjected, “and I never meant to hurt you, I swear, I just-”
“I know,” you reassured her faintly whilst you managed a weak smile up at her, “you-.. you were trying to help me, and I appreciate everything that you have tried to do for me, I just-.. wish you’d stop, a-and find someone better for you who won’t constantly burden you like I do-”
“But you don’t burden me,” she contradicted, “I love you - you-.. you’re everything to me; you always have been, and always will be, n-no matter what, and I’ll always do all I can for you because I want you to be happy, and want to repay you to the best of my ability with my love for you, f-for honestly making me so much happier than I’ve ever been before.”
“You’re wasting your time,” you continued, your voice barely audible whilst she leaned closer to you, and would affectionately connect her forehead to your’s, flustering you, “I - I’m never gonna change my mind, Mar, I promise - please just find someone else; d-don’t let me hurt you anymore-”
“You won’t,” she insisted, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, “I trust you, Y/n - m-more than anything; you’ve never hurt me, and I hate myself for hurting you like I did last week, but-.. I guess if-.. if you really don’t want me anymore I-.. I’ll stop, and give you time to think about things.”
You would nod slowly, before forcing a smile up at her though seeing her in pain again was hurting you more than anything else ever had, before, especially when you still had feelings for her, and knew you always would.
“I’m glad, but-.. don’t wait up for me, okay? I’m not-” You would catch yourself, knowing it would hurt her even more to hear you say that you believed yourself to not be worth the wait. “Like I said before, I’m-.. I’m not changing my mind,” you strained out whilst you began to grow weaker, and more disorientated whilst you leaned heavily against her, and would rest your head upon her left shoulder, your eyelids beginning to flutter shut, before everything seemed to go dark around you, and you fell unconscious within her embrace, panicking both her and your sister even further until the ambulance had finally arrived, and could take you to the hospital where they would stay the night anxiously waiting for you to reawaken after you had been treated.
🜚
Whilst they were both waiting, Lucy couldn’t help, but notice how crestfallen Margot appeared after your and her previous interaction, prompting her to frown; she could tell that you claiming that you wouldn’t change your mind about giving you both another chance had deeply affected her, only to be heightened by the fact that you were now being treated whilst they were sitting within this quiet lobby waiting to be told that you were going to be okay, and would soon wake up.
“You really love her, don’t you?” Lucy mused, and Margot wouldn’t hesitate to nod whilst staring down at her currently trembling hands, feeling unable to meet Lucy’s gaze without breaking down whilst tears were already threatening to escape her stunning icy blue eyes. “You know she doesn’t mean it, right? She still loves you, and always will,” she continued, and Margot would shake her head gravely whilst appearing doubtful, prompting Lucy to try and think of something that she could do to try and get you both back together, “she does, I mean - there’s not been a single day that she hasn’t asked me about you, and hasn’t stopped watching that film you both were in; I can’t remember what it’s called, but-.. she watches it everyday, missing you.”
Margot would appear surprised, before glancing up at Lucy whilst she recalled the films you had both worked on together following each of the Suicide Squads including the one that was a precursor before the first film - so far, those (not including the original ones which you found you couldn’t be in) were all you had done, and she had had to help you get the part.
“I think you should keep trying to win her back; don’t give up, especially not whilst you still feel the same way for her, and are confident that she’s your soulmate - are you?” Lucy inquired, and Margot wouldn’t hesitate to nod hastily again whilst her eyes would subconsciously begin to glint, prompting Lucy to smile warmly over at her, glad that you had her; a true friend to get you through the bitter times with her father whilst she herself was away, unable to take his wrath anymore alongside you.
“I - I’ve never been more certain of anything else,” Margot expressed, and Lucy would raise her eyebrows, wondering how that felt, exactly, as she’d never really been lucky herself when it came to relationships, and love, “but you heard her, Luce - she’s determined to not change her mind because she wants to protect me from her, for some reason, so what do I do? When she’s set on trying to protect me, she’ll never stop, and I know that for a fact now.”
Lucy would then smirk upon stumbling across an idea that they could both try and execute, before she looked over at Margot again who would tilt her head subconsciously, wondering what it was that Lucy had managed to think up whilst she also appeared hopeful, knowing that if she lost you again that she would begin to struggle - herself - even more, to go on without you; one week away from you had been more excruciating than she had thought it would, so what would it feel like to not have you by her side for the rest of her life, and maybe even beyond it?
“I have the best idea,” Lucy chimed, “you see - it’s easy to make Y/n jealous, and when she gets jealous it’s likely that she will confront you, giving you the chance to admit your feelings to her again, and she’ll be so riled up and anxious about losing you to the point that she’ll have to give in to you, and win you back - how does that sound?”
“Like a pretty good idea,” Margot answered, “I guess I’m just worried, t-though - I don’t wanna hurt her again.”
“And you won’t,” Lucy tried to reassure her hastily, evidently eager to see you both together again as she liked to see you happy like you were whenever you and Margot were together, “I promise - we’ll call the plan off sooner if she gets worryingly upset, okay? J-Just to make sure that she’s okay, and trust me - she’ll be more than okay by the time it’s over, when you’ll both be happy together again. So - are you in?”
Margot would think about it for a moment, before reluctantly nodding, and smiling faintly back over at her.
“Sure,” she replied simply, “so how are we making her jealous, and when can we start?”
|
As soon as you’d awoken, and they had fully discussed Lucy’s plan together, they would both be guided to your room, and would awkwardly sit on either side of you whilst you slowly would stir awake, disorientated for a little while whilst you found yourself trying not to panic, waking up within this overwhelmingly bright room.
“W-Where am I-?” You asked, before trying to get up, and wincing whilst your previously stitched up and bandaged cuts began to pain you again, leaving you feeling weak, and numb like they had, before.
“It’s okay, Y/n,” Margot cooed, “you’re safe, now - you’re in the hospital, and are gonna get better for us soon, I promise.”
You would then realise, a pained expression on your face whilst you gravely shook your head, prompting a hurt look to cross her face; she could guess what you might be intending on saying, making her heart sink and begin to ache excruciatingly alongside your’s again.
“Why?” You began weakly, before continuing in a strained manner. “Why’d you have to save me like that? Why would you even bother? I don’t deserve this; I don’t deserve anyone, or anything - you should have left me to die-”
“We couldn’t do something like that to you,” Lucy contradicted, a hurt look on her face whilst you did, and you would subconsciously grimace up at her.
“Funny hearing you say that after you basically left me to be beaten by - by him,” you retorted, evidently referring to your father, prompting her to falter whilst she recalled how she had fled from his wrath, leaving you behind, “you could have taken me away with you-”
“I know, I’m sorry, I just - I panicked after mum died, a-and-”
“Just go,” you uttered whilst you stared ahead of you, and Margot would bow her head, a pained expression on her face as she hated that things were like this between you both, though she could understand why you still might not be on the best of terms with Lucy after what had happened, even after she’d apologised profusely and made more of an effort to take care of, and keep an eye on you recently to make sure that you were okay, as well as to make up for her previous absence whilst you were living with your abusive father.
“Hey,” she cooed gently whilst she smiled softly up at you to try and provide comfort to you whilst she carefully held your partially bandaged up right hand in her left one, soothing you instantly whilst Lucy begrudgingly got up out of her seat, and dragged herself back toward the door, “Luce-”
“I’ll be outside if you guys need me, okay?” She interjected barely audibly, before leaving the room, and sitting outside whilst she began to cry quietly, burying her face into her hands; she wished she could take back the time, and decide - instead - to stay with you to protect you from your and her father as she hated that things were now like this between you both; hated that she had left you to be abused by him with no intention of returning until he had gone from both of your lives.
“Are you okay?” Margot inquired, and you would hesitate, before nodding gravely, and forcing a smile over at her whilst she appeared to be nervous as if she were about to make a suggestion that you wouldn’t immediately agree with, and you would instantly guess that it had something to do with your sister. “G-Good - I’m glad,” she expressed, “h-hey, erm-.. I just thought maybe it would be good if you spoke to your sister a bit more, spent some more time with her; she cares about you, and regrets leaving, she told me; she wants to do all she can to try and make it up to you-”
“Well she can’t,” you insisted, evidently disappointing her, and you would wonder why, even finding yourself growing to be quite anxious, and even experienced a slight pang of jealousy whilst you thought back to how they had been much closer than they had been before, recently, “w-when did she become your best friend, anyway? You - You were never really that close, before, n-not that it matters, I just-.. never mind.”
“What are you talking about? We’ve been friends for a little while, now,” she contradicted, whilst trying to fight back a smirk; she could tell that you were already getting jealous, suggesting that the plan Lucy had come up with was already working somewhat, “besides - y-you know that you’re my best friend, don’t you? You always have been, a-and always will be, I promise.”
You would nod gravely though her referring to you as her ‘best friend’ was paining you, and the pain was getting hard to bear again.
“Y-You’ll always be my best friend, too,” you returned, and she would then find herself experiencing the same unexpected pang of sadness that you previously had, prompting her to falter subconsciously, before she forced a smile over at you, and would begrudgingly turn around once the door had opened again - Lucy had returned, and you would subconsciously grimace, whilst also finding yourself growing to be anxious again whilst you watched her approach, and rest her left hand on Margot’s right shoulder, prompting her to smile up at Lucy whilst you would begin to feel lost, and empty again, as if you had nothing left within you anymore.
Once you felt able, you would force your gaze away though it was paining you to make even the smallest of movements, now, for a reason unbeknownst to you, and Lucy would nod subtly after you’d looked away, suggesting further to them both that the plan was going the way they had been intending it to go.
“That doctor came up to me again and told me we should let Y/n rest, now,” she informed, and Margot would instantly frown before she glanced over at you subconsciously; she didn’t want to have to leave you whilst you were like this, worried about you again, and about what you might manage to do to yourself if you were left alone, “we could always come back later? I’m sure they’d let us-”
“Don’t bother,” you strained out, your voice close to a whisper whilst you stared ahead of you, and tears clouded your vision again, surprising them both, as well as making Margot feel worse for what she was doing, for a moment, when she noticed the hurt look on your face, “I’m fine here, by myself - it’s nice. Besides, you - you guys have lives to live, too, you shouldn’t be wasting your’s on-.. on mine.”
“And what’s wrong with your’s?” She asked, and you would appear taken aback by the question, before painfully glancing up at her.
“It - It’s nothing,” you gave in whilst you looked away again, and would hesitantly force yourself to let go of her hand though you longed to remain in contact with her like you previously had been, the loss of it making you feel even worse, somehow, “just-.. don’t worry about me anymore, Mar, okay?”
“But-”
“Please,” you begged, and she would fall quiet whilst a hurt look crossed her face again; she couldn’t bear to see you like this, and hoped the plan would work out the way Lucy had told her it would so she could try and make you happy again, and shower you with all the love she would always hold for you like she’d been dreaming of doing recently after she’d ended up briefly losing you for a whole week.
“I’m sorry, Y/n, I can’t,” she continued dejectedly, before forcing herself up, “l-look, we-.. we’re gonna have to go for a bit, but-”
“O-Of course - go and have fun,” you remarked sarcastically, “b-by all means - I bet you just love each other’s company.”
“I don’t know why you’re being like this,” Margot responded, “s-so-.. we’ll go, a-and come back later, okay? Get some rest, I-..” She would then wince, hastily stopping herself before the last two words could slip from her lips though she longed to release them, and to try and make you happy again like you had been, before you’d lost her. “You need it,” she managed after clearing her throat, before she dragged herself from the room followed by Lucy after you’d found you couldn’t respond again - the pain was too excruciating, and once they’d gone, you couldn’t help, but break down, and begin to sob uncontrollably whilst Margot would stop at the door upon hearing that you had begun to cry, a strained sob threatening to escape her own lips whilst she listened to you. “Y/n-”
“No, Margot, don’t,” Lucy interrupted, before managing to stop her from re-entering the room though she longed to go back inside, and to hold you close to her in an attempt to try and provide comfort to you, “it’s too early - if you talk to her, now, it won’t work.”
“Listen to her, Luce,” she whined, “she needs me, and I need her-”
“I know, but it’s gonna work out by the time it’s over, I promise,” Lucy insisted, “she’ll realise something is off if we go back inside, now, I know she will - do you want to lose her again?”
Margot’s expression would then soften, before she would nod hastily, and sniffle quietly whilst she tried to wipe away all of the tears that had managed to escape her stunning icy blue eyes.
“N-No - of course not, just-.. please - promise me that things are gonna get better, soon,” she requested, and Lucy would nod, before smiling reassuringly over at her to try and make her feel better, but she found nothing, but you, could comfort her right now, and you currently weren’t an option, making her feel worse, and as if things were only going to go downhill from this moment, “that this time she’s still here; will always be here, and never disappear again, c-can you do that?”
“Of course I can - Here: everything’s gonna be perfect again once we’ve executed the plan, and you’re never gonna end up losing her again, I promise,” she replied, and Margot would express relief whilst she thought about it again, before nodding, and forcing a smile back at Lucy though to hear that you were still crying was paining her more than anything else ever had before, somehow, “now - before we come back and check on her, what would you like to eat?”
🜸🜚🜸
As soon as you had been discharged from the hospital, Margot and Lucy would make sure to keep a close eye on you, worried about you possibly trying to take your own life again, somehow, and you hated it; hated being watched the way that you were, especially by Lucy after she had left you to experience the full wrath of your father in the form of the beatings he had administered to you on a daily basis. You also couldn’t stand to see them both getting so much closer than they were, before, worrying you, though you couldn’t imagine why, especially when you had been hoping - in the first place - that Margot would find someone better than you, a thought that always prompted you to break down quietly into your hands whenever you were curled up in bed as you didn’t want to end up crying in front of her, resulting in you upsetting or worrying her even more than she was, before, somehow.
However - though you found yourself somehow barely strong enough to do this before, you would soon begin to lose that strength following you overhearing Margot and Lucy talking about meeting up on a date together, leaving you feeling empty and numb again whilst your heart would ache excruciatingly, before you nodded gravely, and dragged yourself into the room, surprising them both - well, you thought you had surprised them, when really they’d known that you were there, and that was why Lucy had brought up the next topic of the plan; it would soon be coming to an end now the main idea of it had been brought into play.
“Y/n,” Margot began whilst she smiled warmly up at you, before getting up off of the sofa and making to wrap her arms around you, “you’re finally awake-”
You would then move away before she could get any closer, prompting her to falter whilst a hurt look would cross her face, only making you feel worse as you hated upsetting her, bowing your head to try and avoid making eye contact as you were on the verge of breaking down again, and knew you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself back from crying if you met her now tearful as well as anxious gaze.
“C-Can we talk, Mar?” You requested, and she would hesitantly glance back at Lucy, appearing nervous, and Lucy would simply nod, smile reassuringly, before leaving the room to give you both some privacy.
“Sure - What’s up?” She inquired, trying to hide that your reaction to her trying to hug you had pained her, and you would subconsciously grimace whilst you thought about their previous conversation, prompting your heart to sink again whilst a couple of small tears would manage to escape your eyes, before slowly running down your cheeks, worrying her as she’d not expected this reaction from you. “Hey, are - are you crying-? Y/n-”
You would then step back again once she had made to inch closer to you subconsciously; she couldn’t bear this - seeing you upset, and not being able to provide comfort to you - it was painful.
“W-What even am I in your life, Mar?” You questioned, your voice briefly trembling whilst you began to break down, unable to hold it back anymore, prompting her to falter whilst her own tears had begun to manage to escape her, but before she could muster up an answer, you would continue shakily, and in a strained manner as if you were weak, and hanging on a loose thread. “Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been - been nothing to you,” you admitted dejectedly, prompting her to frown whilst her heart would sink, and ache excruciatingly alongside your’s, “so-.. w-what am I to you, now?”
She would then find herself wishing she could tell you the truth, whilst Lucy was shaking her head in the doorway; she had been quietly listening in like you had a moment ago to their previous conversation.
“Y/n, you - you know what you mean to me-”
You would grimace, before nodding gravely, and bowing your head whilst you tried to swallow the lump in your throat which had formed following you beginning to cry in front of her.
“R-Right, yeah, sorry - I forgot I was just your supposed best friend, now,” you recalled, “I’ll just-.. go and get Lucy back for you-”
“N-No, Y/n, wait,” she interjected hastily, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, and you would hesitantly stop, before looking back at her, and lingering by the door whilst Lucy was trying to hide from your view, “I don’t want her back, okay? I want you - I always have-”
“You don’t need to lie to me anymore,” you reminded her dejectedly, “just-.. focus on you and Lucy, okay?”
“But-” You would then slip through the door, and rush back up the stairs whilst you began to break down all over again, and would disappear into your quite plain room; your sister had made sure to - with Margot’s help - set up the other spare room for you, making it so that it was relatively bland as she didn’t want anything within it that you could use to try and hurt yourself, making sure - even - to apply soft material on the walls and the wooden boards on your bed as she didn’t trust you not to try and use them on yourself as she recalled you had often done it before until you’d knocked yourself out every time, and she had had to take you to the hospital.
Lucy would then - once you had fled from the room, and disappeared upstairs - hesitantly re-enter, though she had heard that Margot had begun to break down alongside you.
“I did warn you that it would be too soon to try,” Lucy reminded her, and she would nod gravely whilst she tried to rid herself of her tears, “look-.. she’s gonna come around, soon, I promise, and you’ll be able to win her back as soon as she does, I’m sure of it - I know what she’s like; she starts off often being in a strop, engaging in sarcasm, and then tries to feign acceptance - that’s when you’ll be able to tell her you still love her because by that time she won’t be able to refuse or run away from you again, okay?”
Margot would hesitate, before nodding gravely in response though this all felt wrong to her, and made her feel as if what she was doing was wrong, and would only make things worse, especially when she could see that she was already upsetting you more than she thought she would, before, and she couldn’t stand watching it happen.
“I guess,” she managed, “this just feels so-.. wrong.. w-we shouldn’t be doing this to her-”
“Stop worrying, it’s all going to work out, I know it will,” Lucy insisted, “but, sure - if you decide you want to stop, then we can stop tomorrow, just think about it before you do, okay?”
“I - I will,” Margot answered, and Lucy would smile reassuringly back at her again, before she sat back down on the sofa, “you can continue watching the film, if you want - I’m really tired, and think I’m just gonna try and get some sleep, now.”
“Sure - have a good sleep, okay? Things will get better tomorrow,” she responded gently, and Margot would nod, before forcing a smile back at her, “night.”
“Night,” she returned, before leaving the room, dragging herself up the stairs, and stopping by the door of her bedroom whilst she looked toward your own, wondering if she should try and talk to you again until she would remind herself of what Lucy had told her about your stages, and begrudgingly decided against it, drawing in a shaky breath, before she disappeared inside.
~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️
#writing prompts#writing prompt#fanfiction#margot robbie#lgbtq writing#lgbtq+#lgbtqia#lgbtq#gay love#love story#love confessions#angsty prompts#angsty#cute prompts#angst with a sad ending#angst with comfort#angst prompt#angst#angst with a hopeful ending#fluffy prompts#x you fluff#fluff prompts#fluff#whump fic#whump community#whump scenario#whumpee#whump ideas#whump writing#whump prompt
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EYO THE OSCAR NOMS ARE OUT
Let’s discuss!
BEST PICTURE: I've seen four of the ten nominees this year! Not a bad score for me. Of the remainder I am very interested in American Fiction, Anatomy of a Fall, and Past Lives. American Fiction in particular got Jeffrey Wright a Best Actor nomination! I love Jeffrey Wright! He deserves more recognition! Any film that can get him that has gotta be worth something.
Of the ones I’ve seen… I’d probably select Killers of the Flower Moon as the best? It’s a hard watch, but the craft on display at every level is exceptional. If not that, then… I dunno, maybe Barbie? The Holdovers is a safe choice, it’s a great movie, but there’s almost nothing… surprising about it. Barbie is CONSTANTLY surprising! But it’s also a madcap comedy bathed in metaphor so… man I don’t know!
Regardless, I wouldn’t pick Oppenheimer. Not to disrespect it, I genuinely believe it to be a very interesting film that’s compelling to watch, and as always Christopher Nolan’s ability to make weird-ass films with experimental structures popular with a mass audience is worthy of tremendous respect. But its pacing is rushed, its script is sometimes awkward to the point of parody, and I just don’t know that it’s saying or doing anything THAT interesting or enlightening about the real people involved or about people or history in general. Y’know?
BEST DIRECTOR: Nothing but Best Picture nominees here, which makes sense. Pretty blown away that Alexander Payne didn't get a nom here for The Holdovers. Not blown away at all that Greta Gerwig didn't get one for Barbie, despite that whole thing clearly being her baby. A real Streisand situation here, I'd say! "Eight nominations on the shelf, did this film direct itself?" Regardless of who wins (or even who I think deserves to!) I'd definitely say Gerwig got snubbed here.
BEST ACTOR: All best picture nominees here, save for Colman Domingo for Rustin. Had never heard of this film before, because it's a Netflix film and they always bury all their work, but it's about a civil rights activist so that makes... how many years that the Academy has included one of these in a Best Actor/Actress context? Selma, Harriet, Judas and the Black Messiah. I'm sure Colman Domingo gives a good performance, just noting that the Academy loves to nominate these for acting awards and not honor them in most any other way. (Hey, Jeffrey Wright's in that movie too! Good year for him!)
Bradley Cooper's here too. I don't think I like him very much! I've never disliked him really, but I've never loved his performance either. But the Academy seems to, since he's been nominated... TWELVE TIMES? Holy SHIT no wonder I wasn't surprised to see his name. Never won one, though. He keeps this up, maybe they'll throw him a pity one like they did for DiCaprio. Then again, I don't think Cooper assigns as much value to it as Leo did -- or at least, it doesn't feel like it. I care so little about Bradley Cooper! I don't follow his personal journey very closely! He's fine, I guess!
As a fan, I'd LOVE to see Jeffrey Wright take it, even though I haven't seen his movie. Of the ones I have, Cillian Murphy is very good in Oppenheimer, no question, but I've gotta give it to my man Paulie G. Dude is an incredibly talented actor with a non-traditional look who's done great work for decades and deserves a big win. He's fantastic in Holdovers too! It's a layered, funny, incredibly natural performance that he just falls into. Not particularly showy, which lowers his chances for a win, but to me (and most sensible folks) that makes it a better performance, so there, nyeh!
BEST ACTRESS: I haven't seen four of these but if they don't give it to Lily Gladstone they've fucked up. Sorry, other nominees, that's all there is to it. Also, where the fuck is Margot Robbie? She's incredible in Barbie! If I get to Supporting Actor and Ryan Gosling is there, this is misogyny.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: This is misogyny!! But I'd love for Gosling to win for this. It'd be his first, and for a role like this that'd be hilarious. That being said it's still a tremendous performance! His commitment to the role both on-screen and off is clear, he's having a ball throughout, and he does his own dancing! God, I just wanna see his speech.
That being said, he has some extremely stiff competition. De Niro continues his golden year renaissance with an excellent performance of a very evil man in Killers of the Flower Moon, and Downey Jr. is so good in Oppenheimer that it took me a couple minutes and a scene transition to realize it was him at all! Also Sterling K. Brown and Mark Ruffalo are here! I like both those guys! If I had to pick one that I've seen that isn't Gosling? Probably Downey Jr. If I gave Oppenheimer one award, it would be this one.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: I like all these actresses, I think America Ferrera is very good in Barbie, and Jodie Foster has been doing great work lately, but this award belongs to Da'Vine Joy Randolph. She takes a character that could be one note in The Holdovers and invests them with so much life and complexity and history. I still think about that movie in part because of her, and because she made choices that made that character feel more authentic. It's maybe the most I've been impressed by an actress in a good long while, frankly! She deserves this one! Don't fuck it up, Academy! (but I know you will)
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: All Best Picture nominees, save for a movie called May December... because it's a Netflix film, of course. God, they sure do make a lot of award-worthy films I never ever hear about, huh! Wild how that happens! (Did you even know a new Spy Kids movie came out this year? Of course you didn't! It was on Netflix!)
I haven't seen four of these, but heard good things about Past Lives. I do really love The Holdovers though! Unless one of the others really knocks my socks off, I'd be comfortable with that winning here.
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Oppenheimer does not deserve this. I'm sorry, maybe it's a failure of editing, but the pacing on this thing is too breakneck. Maybe that's a failure of editing more than screenplay, though. Then again, the dialogue itself is uh... often pretty blunt and borderline silly, in that Nolan sort of way! So, y'know!
I'd love to see Barbie win it. It's so fucking funny, and occasionally vibrating with pathos. But I haven't seen the others, and they might rule, actually! American Fiction might be great! I'm looking forward to finding out when it hits digital!
ANIMATED FEATURE: I still think we probably shouldn't cordon these off into their own category, but then so few would get nominated for anything, so let's just live in the world we have, huh? The Boy and the Heron is a Miyazaki film, so that automatically makes it a contender, though I've heard some mixed things about it. Nimona is a dark horse that I remember having some buzz around it earlier this year, and Robot Dreams is a sad movie about a robot so it's automatically a movie I vibe with! Elemental... exists! (Why in the hell was this nominated and not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem?! Why of all things did THAT get snubbed?!)
But we all know this belongs to Across the Spider-Verse. It might not be a complete narrative, but purely on visual spectacle alone, it should win. It is, without question, the wildest eyeball experience I've ever had watching a movie, finally dethroning the previous occupiers, the Wachowskis' Speed Racer and the animated film Redline. It is constantly visually surprising and experimental, to the point that much like its predecessor I don't know how they fucking did some of the stuff they did. It's not the out-of-nowhere immediate game-changer that its predecessor was, and it might not have the immediate influence on an entire genre in the same way... but I think it pushes the medium even further! I can't wait to see what other movies look like in the future because of it.
(also the production sounds like it was a nightmare, animators deserve more pay and more respect, unionize, etc.)
PRODUCTION DESIGN: I mean, of all the things about Napoleon, how it looked was the absolute best of them. I wouldn't be too upset if it won... except I would, because Barbie. I mean, come on. COME ON. This one's a gimme. (Though why is The Creator not here? I know it was a pretty bad movie, but the design? Absolutely impeccable vibes!)
COSTUME DESIGN: I mean. Barbie. Did you see Ken's outfits?
CINEMATOGRAPHY: This is my nerd-ass award I care about. I've liked Hoyte van Hoytema's work in the past, and if Oppenheimer won this I wouldn't think it a complete miscarriage of justice -- it's got some really great images in it. But to me this is Flower Moon's award to lose. I haven't seen the others, but I don't know that anything else is going to match that. It's not too showy, but it is pretty damn impeccable.
There are also movies that I think got snubbed here, like John Wick 4 (yes I'm serious) and Sisu (again, I'm serious) and The Killer. Heck, they didn't even nominate The Holdovers here, and that movie leans into its period setting by aping the cinematography of films from that period! That's neat!
EDITING: That Oppenheimer is here is more proof the Academy doesn't know what good editing is. I mean, if you isolated a couple scenes of that movie, there IS great editing there! And even structurally, I think it makes some bold choices that should be rewarded! But as a whole, I didn't feel like I had time to breathe during a scene, and most of that is down to Nolan always choosing to cut or transition too soon. Sometimes it's even a matter of seconds! But those seconds matter! They're the difference between me feeling like I'm moving through a room and feeling like I'm being hurried through a room, y'know what I mean?
I'd probably go with Flower Moon here, but Holdovers has a lovely, languid pace to it and some very funny cuts, so I'm leaning in that direction too. Haven't seen the others!
MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING: How is Barbie not here?! What the hell kind of award show is this?! (A Bad one, we all know this.)
SOUND: (This used to be two awards, one for sound mixing and one for sound editing, and on a technical level those are two very different skills, but whatever, Academy!)
This is one I think that Oppenheimer will probably take, because it does some cool things with sound a few times. But it's also one that I think The Creator might actually deserve. Some really killer sound in that film, right up there with its production design -- which it should have gotten a nomination for! Also, Mission: Impossible dark horse, just to give it something. Because I love those movies, even if this year's was maybe my fourth-favorite Mission: Impossible movie that still makes it better than most movies!
VISUAL EFFECTS: It's kind of a long-shot, but I'm pulling for Godzilla Minus One here. Guardians looked good, The Creator looked good (it's about all it did) and I absolutely adore and respect the commitment to practical stunts and car chases and effects in Mission: Impossible and it should get all the recognition possible for throwing a real train off a real cliff... but c'mon. It's Godzilla. And by all accounts, it does so much with so little, at least in terms of budget. It's a movie directed by a guy who previously supervised visual effects! Of course it was gonna look good! That it looks that good at that budget though? Might be enough to get it the big win. Here's to hoping! It'd be nice to see a movie that cost about ten million dollars be recognized as having better visual effects than a movie that cost... two hundred and fifty million Jesus Christ what are you doing Disney.
ORIGINAL SCORE: Be neat to see Indiana Jones take this one! Good score, nice but not too reverent. But I don't have particularly strong feelings this like I have in previous ones. Don't remember many movie scores from this year, nothing's made it into my playlist beyond a couple Mission: Impossible tracks, certainly nothing's impressed me as much as something like The Batman's score or anything.
ORIGINAL SONG: Two songs from Barbie here, one from the Flamin' Hot Cheetos movie (yes it's real and yes it's historically inaccurate!) and one from... Killers of the Flower Moon. Uh oh. Uh oh! I was all ready to be ride or die for "I'm Just Ken" (and to be clear if it won I wouldn't object) but that song in Flower Moon and how it hits at the end... well. It should probably win, is what I'm saying. Even if it's not the fun choice. Be nice to see it performed, at least. These will all be great performances, probably!
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: I haven't seen any of these! I usually don't until at least year or two after the fact! Just how I end up watching documentaries, usually. It'll probably be the one about Ukraine, though. Not necessarily because it's the best one, but because the Academy likes to think that making picks like that is somehow activism. (Also can you believe that's still happening? Ukrainian sovereignty, end the war, etc.)
INTERNATIONAL FEATURE: Haven't seen any of these, but heard good things about Society of the Snow. Zone of Interest is a best picture nominee, so odds are that'll be the one that wins. Surprised a Japanese film got in here but it's not Godzilla! Damn! Was hoping for a dark horse win for Big G!
ANIMATED SHORT: Never seen 'em!
DOCUMENTARY SHORT: Most of the short documentaries I watch are on Youtube these days!
LIVE ACTION SHORT: Good for all these people who got nominated!
THAT'S IT hoo boy the Oscars, huh. This year's a bit of a dull one, nothing that I'm really excited about winning anything outside of like, Barbie. Killers of the Flower Moon definitely deserves a lot of awards, but how many it'll get remains to be seen. Also I just realized DiCaprio didn't score a nomination for his part in that! Just Lily Gladstone! Haha! Good! (Though I do think DiCaprio's work has improved noticeably after he finally got his stupid Oscar. Almost like he stopped trying so hard and that made his performances feel more natural! Wild!)
Anyway, next year I'm gonna be stumping hard for Dune 2 so. Be prepared for that.
#movies#the oscars#Cinema™#i do enjoy an oscar party#even when it's mostly to get mad at them#or sometimes to celebrate when they get it right#i'd say they've gotten more right than wrong lately but then i remember Green Book#and how they snubbed Decision to Leave#and i'm like 'oh yeah these people don't know nothing bout anything'#anyway it's fun to be excited about movies#and i'll take any excuse to do so#even a dumb one by big dummies!!
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Thoughts on Nona
Nona is a precious goblin just like Harrow and deserves to be protected at all costs.
and yet they failed.
Nona is autistic I claim her for the community and you can't do anything about it.
The sense of whimsy and wonder I get from her is something I think we all still wish we had. It gives you such a whiplash from the previous two books that I will admit. In the first few chapters it was a bit difficult to push through. However it is handsomely rewarded.
"Life is too short and love is too long"
I cried, I sobbed. I'll miss them so much but Paul is cool.
Crown is a simp for her sister and I don't think anyone can do anything about that.
Judith...UM RIP. I never liked you. Crown just wants a mommy to replace her sister.
Pyrrha you're fantastic never change.
Ianthe you stupid fucking over confident bitch I love you.
Gideon endures further horrors and still in death! "Why doesn't it feel good!"
Jod you sad pathetic absent father bitch baby. I love you. unfortunately you're a war criminal and possibly the worst one the universe has ever seen.
The group of kids deserve better and especially Hot Sauce you bad bitch in the making.
Noodle Bark Bark Bark Bark
Harrow glad to have you back I've missed you!
Angel what is your deal? I need to know.
Alecto its so funny that all I can see when I imagine you is Margot Robbie because of the Barbie Movie and you think you look horribly ugly. Please for the love of god talk like you're from the King James Bible the entirety of your book I need it.
Pash I have a crush on you please don't die.
"OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT NOODLE!"
4.8/5
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Asteroid City (2023)
Visually, compositionally, Wes Anderson is without peer, and any individual shot out of his latest film will make practically every other movie released this year look like a provincial teenager's first TikTok video. Everywhere you look the details are never-endingly exquisite and hilarious, and my eyes haven't experienced so much pleasure since the last Wes Anderson flick. He's the only director left standing that I will still pay to go to a cinema to see.
The downside is that the story itself is awkward, convoluted, flimsy and whimsical - flimsical, if you will - and it's often hard to follow or care about what is going on, especially in the larger story arc, which flits between a black & white 1950s TV production and the glorious technicolor of the main story. I would have been perfectly happy to have lost the needlessly distracting B&W sections, as they add very little in the long run, and sap the energy and pace of the rest. The clever story Anderson is trying to tell here could work, but he doesn't have a strong enough grip on all the narrative and character elements to convey it in a clear and emotionally engaging way, so there are parts that feel more of a private joke or a personal fancy than a work made for the wider world. It could be I'll think differently about that on further viewings, but I would still expect to find this is what weakens the film the most.
The ridiculously stellar cast is dazzling, but there's just too many famous faces here for one film to do them justice: newcomer Tom Hanks is a great fit but woefully underused, and something similar could be said for Steve Carell, Tilda Swinton, Matt Dillon, Jeff Goldblum, Margot Robbie, Hope Davis, Bob Balaban and Willem Dafoe, all of whom are most welcome sights, but simply aren't onscreen long enough to convey anything of real substance, and they all deserved more fleshed-out roles they could get their teeth into.
For the first time in a Wes Anderson movie there is some rather obvious diversity hiring in the casting department (presumably in order to meet the new qualifications for an Oscar), some of whom work better than others, but the returning Jeffrey Wright and Tony Revolori are both excellent, and Ethan Josh Lee is a good new addition to the family.
Bryan Cranston and Edward Norton get more screen-time than most, but the first feels like a walk-on guest spot in a TV sketch show and the other looks somewhat lost in the confusing shuffle. Jason Schwartzman is, of course, the perfect Anderson avatar, and Scarlet Johansson is, for the most part, very dependable too. Liev Schreiber fits in surprisingly well, and the running gags with his son Aristou Meehan are perhaps the funniest high points of the film.
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All in all, it's hard to know how to rate this: it's definitely one of the weakest Wes Anderson movies, but for all the undeniable flaws in narrative it still gives me more joy to watch than just about anything else modern cinema has to offer, and I think by December I might still regard it the best thing I've seen all year. So that's odd.
★★★★★★½✰✰✰
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TOP 10 FILMS OF 2022
In a year full of huge blockbusters, record-breaking indies and a sequel for just about every movie ever made, here are my top 10 films of 2022.
“Aftersun” (dir. Charlotte Wells): An incredibly personal, poignant and heartbreaking directorial debut with performances for the ages from Frankie Corio and Paul Mescal. Following a father and daughter on holiday, the film’s editing and sound design also stand out in this 96 minute emotional masterwork. I’d type more but I’d start crying. Seriously.
“Babylon” (dir. Damien Chazelle): A three hour spectacle of filmmaking and the perils of transitioning through one’s career as the environment around you shifts uncontrollably. Chazelle goes back to his “Whiplash” roots, with tension dialed up to 10 for most of the film, especially the final hour. Diego Calva leads the film perfectly, Margot Robbie gives one of the best performances of the year, and the entire supporting cast (especially Jovan Adepo) are phenomenal. Brilliant crafts and one of my favorite endings in recent memory. Definitely worth the big-screen experience.
“The Banshees of Inisherin” (dir. Martin McDonough): The perfect encapsulation of the deterioration of a friendship that should not go to the levels it does. The entire cast is superb, with all four stars (Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Kerry Condon, and Barry Keoghan) deserving of awards recognition and will likely be huge threats in their respective acting categories. It’s a gorgeous film that is absolutely hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time, with a thesis that leaves you questioning everything but also never once lets you pick sides in the central battle. And it only gets better and funnier on each rewatch.
“EO” (dir. Jerry Skolimowski): One of the most immersive cinematic experiences I have ever had. The film, Poland’s submission for Best International Feature, places you directly in the eyes of a donkey named EO as he ventures across Europe and the many types of people and perils the world requires you to face, should you be brave enough to venture outside into them. Despite never saying a word, the film uses its breathtaking cinematography and sensory-inducing editing to allow you to understand everything EO does on an incredibly emotional level unlike anything I have ever witnessed.
“Everything Everywhere All at Once” (dirs. Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert): The best and most original film I’ve seen in years. I’ve spoken so much about my absolute love for this film. I saw it 8 times in theaters in 2022, including one screening in IMAX at the TCL Chinese Theatre (which was life-altering). The multiverse masterpiece follows Michelle Yeoh playing a woman who just wants to do her taxes, but finds herself trapped in an inter-dimensional war that affects her current universe all too much. Stephanie Hsu and Ke Huy Quan deserve Oscars for the heart and soul they are able to bring to the film, and Yeoh is my pick for Best Actress, brilliantly balancing every version of her character within a film that changes genres so quickly and dramatically. A brilliant feat of filmmaking.
“Living” (dir. Oliver Hermanus): Based on the 1952 Akira Kurosawa film “Ikiru”, “Living” centers on a man (Bill Nighy) who is coming to terms with his impending death and understanding what it means to be alive and live. Nighy is brilliant and leads the film with impeccably perfect acting, and the film ponders and allows for many questions about life. It’s simply beautiful and never goes where you think, despite being given a road map at the start of the film. If I left the film with anything, it’s that what we choose to do with the time we have matters.
“Marcel the Shell with Shoes On” (dir. Dean Fleischer-Camp): A feature length film based on the YouTube short films, Fleischer-Camp returns to the world of Marcel with star Jenny Slate back as the voice of the a tiny shell you will instantly fall in love with. It’s a stop-motion animation marvel that is able to beautifully combine genres together and never once feels like the bit is going on too long. You’ll want to stay with Marcel for a very long time, and he, once you see the film, will stay with you.
“Nope” (dir. Jordan Peele): Yep. Peele leads Daniel Kaluuya, Keke Palmer, Steven Yeun and Brandon Perea, among others, in this beautifully complex and terrifying thriller that never once goes where you think it will. Peele gives all the puzzle pieces to us in the first watch, but repeated viewings continue to make the puzzle more complete. With some of the best crafts and scenes of the year, especially the score, “Nope” proves that Jordan Peele isn’t running out of brilliant ideas anytime soon.
“TÁR” (dir. Todd Field): Cate Blanchette is terrifying and brilliant as Lydia Tár, a conductor preparing for one of the biggest career achievements of her life while also dealing with the consequences of her previous actions. The film asks some incredibly difficult questions and, even with a daunting 158 minute runtime, doesn’t leave anything unanswered. The film at times feels like a horror film, and is incredibly tense and filled with flashes and visions of the past. Repeated viewings will reward with hidden ghosts and a greater understanding of Todd Field’s vision as a writer and Blanchette’s performance, both of which cannot be praised highly enough and will be huge and deserved contenders during awards season.
“Women Talking” (dir. Sarah Polley): The ensemble of the year, the film follows a group of Mennonite women who are discussing the best course of action to take after an incredibly dark discovery. Polley bakes in the questions of what it means to have a voice and how it can be silenced without realization. The entire cast is absolutely astounding (Claire Foy, in particular, gives a stellar performance), and the score and cinematography are simply stunning. It’s a film that asks hard questions and deals with even harder subject matters, but still remains hopeful even in the darkest of moments.
Score: “정훈희” (Jeong Hun Hi or Jeong Hoon-hee) (안개(Fog) 1967)” from “Decision to Leave” (dir. Park Chan-wook)
#film#thekyterion#EEAAO#women talking#Babylon#Aftersun#banshees of inisherin#living#marcel the shell with shoes on#nope#Jordan Peele#TÁR#EO#2022#bestof2022#2022film
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Seeing you get excited about new f/os again is just making my heart sing. Like I can feel your excitement through the screen and it’s soooo nice! You deserve this happiness!
Oh God thank you!!!!!! 🥺🥺😭😭💖💕💖💕💕💕💕 Anon AGH the way you phrased this is SO CUTE....... I'm so happy you're finding joy in ME finding joy!!!! Thank you for recognizing how much this means to me, and for sending this message about it!!! It just makes me feel SO happy all over again when you guys send me such sweet asks bc it reminds me that I'm healing!!! and that I have so many ppl rooting for me, and I don't wanna let you guys down 🥺🥺🥺🥺
It's so relieving to finally feel excited over self shipping again, and I think it's hilarious that out of everything I've been trying to focus on... it's the Barbie movie that's making me Feel again?? the pinkest movie in existence?? I swear in the past year I have tried everything to Feel again and nothing was working for me. SBTM was a long lasting special interest but I was numb to that when I went to physically see the musical back in April, I tried other cartoons I used to love, other movies, I tried watching new things too; I spent monthsss sitting myself in front of screens and trying to consume content that used to give me joy but I'd feel nothing every single time. And that's not like me! I literally get so much joy out of self shipping and I was so scared that losing Transformers to abuse was so severe that it literally killed my ability to feel any sort of joy ever again. So I expected that to happen when I'd see Barbie too. I thought "damn this is the pinkest movie ever, I'm definitely going to have a hard time sitting through it, but I really think I'd F/O Barbie and Ken... well I guess I'll just see the movie ONE time, add them to the F/O list but not actually do anything about it because I know I'll be sooo numb to this movie too, and then I'll barely survive watching it and then walk out of that movie theater with nothing different about me whatsoever"
And then Barbie and Ken rolled up in that pink convertible saying "get in loser, we're healing you from your trauma slowly by getting you desensitized to the color pink that used to give you literal flashbacks AND you're gonna dip your toes back into self shipping again" and honestly I think it's so funny. My friends think it's funny too, they're like "you seem much more like yourself again and it's from the pinkest movie in existence"
And if I go backwards when this movie hyperfocus fizzles out, if I go back to being tense around pink and if I go back to feeling numb towards everything, I know it won't be as severe as before. Even if I don't self ship again after this hyperfocus goes away, I will at least have comfort knowing that I did and that I'm still capable of it. This movie has absolutely helped me progress forwards more than anything else has. I think when coming out of this Barbie hyperfocus, I'll be a much stronger person. If I can feel this way about a movie when my trauma still feels so fresh (and normally it's SO DIFFICULT for me to hyperfocus on a movie bc it's such little content) then I'm sure I can throw myself back into Transformers at some point. I want to hope that I'll feel much better at least one year from now! That is my ultimate goal, getting back to shipping w/ Starscream without any restraints, and I think being able to handle the Barbie movie and even get joy from the Barbie movie is a very good stepping stone to eventually feeling joy from TF again too 🌟🌸✨
Anyway I want to thank Greta Gerwig, Margot Robbie, and Ryan Gosling for literally giving me the most essential part of my life back even if it's only gonna last for a little while 💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕 and thank YOU anon for sending me such a nice ask. Sorry to ramble your ear off but I literally never shut up about how much this movie has helped me and every time someone is like "Keri it's so nice to see you feeling excited about self shipping again" I immediately start rambling about it sdlfjsdlf
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Rules: share some unpopular opinions about 5 different fandoms of your choosing. tagged by @burningblake thanks love, your timing is 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 (i mean it). though it won't exaclty be UNPOPULAR opinions since they're mostly on really small fandoms so 💀 anyway, under the cut ✌🏻 And i'm tagging @elena-gilbert @blackfyredaemon @lordjohnwgrey @sylvies-casey @shane-west no pressure <3
Ramo
While the show had its strong sides (up til like mid- season 1 and lbr, the main strong side is murat in various suits lmao, mainly black), s2 is not great and the finale is ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE
Spartacus
I dropped the show after s1 because the actor they replaced Andy Whitfield (may God rest his soul) with, didn't fit the type at all and i couldn't continue. Andy set the bar too high. I have nothing against the actor tho, that's just not his role
Arrow
This show is simply stupid for me as a disabled person specifically, because it didn't have the accurate representation of disabled ppl, or at least somewhat BELIVABLE representation. And i'm referring to Felicity gettng paralyzed from the waist down (for like what, 2 episodes?) arch. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT. Even in the show that's kind of scifi-ish. Also, Stephen Amell deserved better. The only character i really liked was Thea, and i dropped it and i don't regret it
Raised by wolves
Marcus's not another 'Ragnar'. i actually think Travis Fimmel did a pretty good job, and i think he's a very solid and belivable actor. just watch Dreamland with him and Margot(Robbie). it's worth it. trust me. It's an excelent drama. And Travis can be even better when he truly tries. Also, there could be so much more to the show so fuck HBO for cancelling it
Once upon a time
s7 was absolutely unnecessary and s6 had the perfect wrap up for the show
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I think he kinda bit himself in the ass because this is so clearly just a oscar play. Sure they want you to want it but when you want it too much they're not gonna give it to you.
I honestly think that either way it would've been pretty hard for him because Cillian Murphy is a) campaigning for once b) is campaigning in a way that doesn't seem desperate, and has the kind of artist's vibe that is all "I would appreciate this but I don't need" which can put the Academy in DADDY WATCH ME TWIRL! mode, kinda like Margot Robbie in Actors on Actors with Cillian, which was admittedly delightful c) was in a movie that was both super critically acclaimed and very culturally and financially impactful. I mean, he also anchored the movie.
Buuuut when Maestro loses critical regard as it hits its fully release... when it drops from the Netflix top 10 so quickly... when there's the nose hubbub... The desperation... I mean, on their own none of these things would sink a win for him, and I do think he'll probably be nominated, for Best Actor and possibly Best Director. Together, it's more of an issue.
One of the most incredibly desperate moments I've ever seen on film is that big climactic performance, where he paints it in this incredibly arduous, melodramatic way. And then the credits ends on real footage where Bernstein is obviously putting his all in and very passionate, but not so................ belabored? Like, he seems as if he enjoys himself because he... does? It's his passion lmao? I mean, that exemplifies someone doing something because it is in their veins and they are an artist and they do love it, versus someone desperately trying to sell the image of themselves as an artist like Cooper. And seeing that footage, I was like "damn, that guy does seem amazing and deserved a better movie".
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Review Blurbs: Barbie (2023)
~General Thoughts~
-I thought this movie would be like... PG. And then it got really emotional when Barbie was looking through Gloria's memories of the days when her and her daughter were at their happiest before Sasha grew up. And then Barbie got called a fascist. So
-Margot Robbie is an insanely talented actor. I'm gonna be honest, I'm not sure how well the movie would've done for me if I wasn't invested in the main character but Margot completely ate the role and made the story of Stereotypical Barbie very endearing to watch
-The pacing was surprisingly good for me, I'm usually really picky about pacing but they were able to balance out transitioning from the silly stuff to serious and back again pretty well, Greta Gerwig you have my applause
-Its an interesting detail that the Real World is still intentionally somewhat unrealistic and caricature-ish similar to the Barbie world is; not sure if that's just Greta's style or if there was a reason for it, made the movie a little jarring imo but I'd love to know why she did it and what effect she was going for
-The fact that Barbie wasn't interested in Ken and rejected him and it was treated as a good thing is just *chef's kiss*
-The Kens fight scene being a colorful musical number with eccentric choreography was so fun to watch I want more
-I don't care what you've been through, nothing could've prepared anyone for that gynecology line. Its such a genius way to remind you that Barbie now has to deal with the biological changes of becoming human. 10/10
-Allan beating up the construction worker Kens was the best moment 10/10
-Speaking of Allan, I loved how Allan was a metaphor for someone who doesn't fit into the gender binary. He was the only non Barbie/Ken, had his own unique name and was always uncomfortable/disappointed with the world around him no matter who was in charge, which was a great way to subtly insert this kind of character. He happily sided with the Barbies to help take down the Kens, embracing all the pink and cheering alongside them when they won, while also looking very sad during the part where the Kens were realizing they failed. Just all of it screamed gender-non conforming to me. I've seen some interpretations saying Allan is a representation of a gay man (being more of a "Ken" presentation wise but finding more of a space among women and being deeply uncomfortable with patriarchy perpetuated by straight men) and some saying he's nonbinary (wanting to leave Barbieland behind and never being satisfied no matter who was in charge); either way, what they did with Allan was very cool and I'm glad some queerness, even if subtle and less prominent, was included in the movie)
-Similarly, Weird Barbie isn't getting nearly enough love. She was one of the most fun characters for me (Kate McKinnon magic, duh) and she like Allan could definitely represent someone out of the cishetero-normative/gender binary (I've seen people saying she's very queer-coded and it honestly makes sense, she tends to dress and act in more un-feminine ways which I think says butch lesbian but its up to interpretation) I am also very gay for her give her more attention cause she deserves it, seriously
-John Cena mermaid
-Simu Liu Ken constantly antagonizing Ryan Gosling Ken over Barbie's attention and being the better Ken within Barbieland is a metaphor for how patriarchy will put women against each other for the attention of men and make women fight each other too much to realize who the real enemy is
-Margot Robbie being acknowledged as "not the best to make this point about ugliness" was fantastic lmao, love the meta-narration
-The way Ken's story arc and the commentary around patriarchy with the incel-pipeline was very strong, and I respect Greta for critiquing it the way she did (I made a full post here )
-Ken and Ken should've kissed. Any of them. All of them.
-Barbie deciding to be human in the end despite her whole journey being about wanting to be a perfect Barbie doll again and her being terrified of flat feet and cellulite but then telling that old woman how beautiful she was and watching humans be normal and mimicking their expressions because even though its scary she wants to feel the way humans do because she sees the beauty in it and its a love letter to women and to people and the complexity of our messy species omfg I'm gonna cry other people said it better than me so go look at their stuff
-Barbie helping out Ken despite everything he'd done because she didn't want things to go back to how they were when Barbies ruled the world, she wanted something different, better, and she helped the person she had every right to want to hurt because we're supposed to be better than those who hurt us
~Criticisms~
-As an add-on to the caricature blurb, I felt a bit weird watching cause Greta's style recreated facets of misogyny as a caricature, so things like patriarchal brainwashing, sexual assault and other very harmful misogynist rhetoric were told in a slapstick way. I was uncomfortable throughout a lot of it, and I'm still deciding if I consider it a genuine criticism to have such matters told in this way or if its just personal preference; would like to know other thoughts if you're willing to share. Regardless, just be aware of it if that stuff's triggering to you so you're prepared for it
-Loved the emphasis on uplifting femininity in Barbie, and I understand the metaphor behind the change, but I can't help feel they pulled a Breakfast Club with Sasha going from her all black attire to suddenly very feminine and with makeup. Being gender non-conforming isn't just for queer people, lots of women are like this and it feels like media makes it seem like this kind of woman is impossible. Not all women wear makeup, not all women are feminine, and I would love for a more masculine/GNC woman character to be able to actually be that. I'll forgive it a bit since Barbies' styles kinda revolve around makeup, and Weird Barbie was consistently butch, just wish characters that are brought up with the prospect of gender-nonconformity could actually stay that way
~Final Thoughts~
Surprisingly good! Don't get me wrong, movies with this style can be good for sure but with the recent surge of mediocre movies I didn't have too much faith. However, I was very happy with how enjoyable and passionate it was. Highly recommend if you like caricature-type works, and/or want to get into some basic feminist ideology in a more fun way that's still very meaningful and heartfelt. Barbie is not just a feminist critique, but a love letter to women, girl hood, and the complexities of humans and how beautiful that can be <3
#phew this one took a while#kept deciding if I wanted to include big blurbs in this post or make them their own post#anyway go watch Barbie its fun#review blurbs#barbie#barbie movie#barbie 2023#greta gerwig
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Amsterdam (2022)
"Set in the '30s, it follows three friends who witness a murder, become suspects themselves, and uncover one of the most outrageous plots in American history."
Some legitimate historical plots are so outside the box within which normal life resides that you'd find yourself hard pressed to believe they were real. "You couldn't write that!" and yet this spectacularly bizarre take on a real historical event was written, and it was based on a legitimate conspiratorial plot. Upon walking out of the screen my brain was whirring at how much I had enjoyed this film, and I was conflicted as to whether or not I could use the word genius....... And i think I can.
David O. Russell has brought us a film that takes a lot of liberties, historically speaking, while telling us about an investigation into a plot to install a fascist dictator in the White House. He brings out some truly fascinating performances from the main characters, and really drew me in with damn good storyteling and really well done cinematography. It was a successful turn in the director's chair for sure.
The three main stars, in an a-list cast, are Christian Bale, Margot Robbie and John David Washington. A trio brought together by the results of war they bond almost immediately and the chemistry, as far as I could tell, flowed smoothly between the three, giving an impression of genuine friendship and bonds.
Bale, as Burt Berendsen, is in full character acting mode. Providing a heady concotion of humour and pathos he is, to all intents and purposes, the narrator of the story all while being fully involved in the ongoing dramatics. Margot Robbie, as Valerie, is really very good. She is a character veiled in mystery and as that mystery unravels her performance gets better and better, and it was great to begin with. Robbie has an air of style in most roles she plays, and that is readily evident in ths film.
As for John David Washington....I find myself unable to recall anything I may have seen him in before, and that is my loss I'm sure. His turn as Harold Woodman, bouncing off Bale and Robbie, is one of the star points of the film. I'm certainly checking his IMDB later, to catch up on his previous work.
I've attached a cast list poster to this review because it is a well starred cast, that includes Robert DeNiro, Taylor Swift, Rami Malek and Mike Myers as well as many others, and it would simply take too long to go through the whole cast and each individual performance. Needless to say that, on the whole, the performances are great....but that leads to my only real issue with the film. Some of the "side" character performances are adequate, and not much else. They don't take away from the film, but they don't add anything other than seemingly just being there, and that seems such a shame in an otherwise outstanding film.
Overall this film is a slice of cinematically genius storytelling, based around a mind-boggling historical event, that is only less than perfect for the most minor of details. I'm definitely going to see it again in the cinema and because of that it's getting a thoroughly well deserved 9/10, with a full recommendation to everyone to go see it asap.
#amsterdam#christian bale#margot robbie#world war 1#conspiracy#Plot#robert deniro#War#movies#reviews#cinema#odeon#Liverpool one#taylor swift
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‘Louisiana Rose’ (an OC) X Fem!Reader Cute, Angsty and somewhat Fluffy Prompt
• Louisiana Rose’s face-claim is Margot Robbie’s role in Babylon - Nellie Laroy
• Inspired partly by Daisy Jones & the Six + there will be further parts following on from the official end of this one
!TW: Hint of jealousy + anxiety + separation anxiety, doubt + hint of self-doubt, mention of there being disagreement in terms of characters being in a same-sex relationship, implied suffering from depression, self-put down(s), mention of previously being insulted and treated poorly, drugs (ecstasy) + drug-taking, mention of overdosing + the possibility of overdosing, mention of previously trying to commit suicide, being unconscious, swearing, overdosing + implied previous overdosing experiences, mention of throwing up, mild hickey giving, suicidal attempts + intentions + consideration, wanting to die, mention of having nightmares, presence of cigarettes + smoking, mention of blood, mention of alcohol + gun + attempted murder - If I’ve missed any let me know ❤️!
“What do you think you’re doing, storming off like that just before we finished the first half of the set?” Rose questioned, and you would grunt, before turning to face her, and leaning your bass guitar against the wall beside one of the chairs; you’d thought that she might already know why you would have caused such a scene like you had, less than a minute ago, now. “You’re gonna make them hate us-”
“I don’t care if they hate us,” you uttered, “how do you think I feel, having to watch you and Joel getting all like-.. I don’t know.. so - close, l-like we used to be? You don’t even look at me whilst we’re on stage together, anymore. It’s - It’s like you just-.. don’t-.. feel anything for me, anymore, o-or like you’re ashamed of us, because of what everyone else thinks o-or says..”
Rose would be surprised; she didn’t think you’d ever felt that way, before, and couldn’t believe you thought she could ever feel ashamed of your and her secret relationship, behind the band’s, and the media’s backs - at this time, it wasn’t exactly widely accepted to be in a same-sex relationship, like you both were with each other. “But I’m not ashamed of us,” she contradicted, before attempting to hold both of your trembling hands in her’s, but you would hesitantly move away, before she could, not sure what to think, anymore; you were sick of having to try and hide how you felt for her, all the time, especially when you both didn’t exactly get that much time together alone, and away from the others, “Y/n, I told you-”
“I know,” you murmured, whilst beginning to feel guilty for moving away like you had, upon noticing the hurt look on her face as a result of you previously doing so, “you’re just - trying to keep the band going, I get it, it just-.. hurts sometimes, I guess, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have stormed off like that..”
“N-No, don’t apologise,” she replied, and you would then let her ease you into a hug, prompting you to return it, though you felt as if you didn’t even deserve to touch her anymore; she was everything better than you could ever be, and you believed she deserved better than a supposed nobody like you, “I should be the one apologising to you-”
“Don’t,” you whined, before burying your face into the crook of her neck, “you did nothing wrong, I’m - I’m just being stupid.”
“Nothing that you do is stupid,” she claimed, wishing you’d stop putting yourself down like that all the time, but you knew you never would, whenever you were reminded of how, and made to feel as if you weren’t normal - a freak, even, sometimes, to those, other than Rose, who had known you, before, “don’t - don’t ever say stuff like that about yourself, because none of it is true - you’re perfect, Y/n, and honestly the most amazing and smartest person that I’ve ever met.”
“You-.. really think so?” You mused, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and she would nod quickly, certain of herself, and you would find yourself melting further into her embrace, whilst subconsciously clinging to her red dress, and she would manage a weak smile, though she still felt guilty over how she was having to hide how she felt for you from the others, and having to seem as if she were closer to Joel than she was, to you, and Suki, the band’s guitarist.
“I know so,” she added, “and don’t ever worry about me and Joel, because I’m never gonna let anything separate us, ever - it’s just an act, and that’s all it ever will be, I promise; I love you, Y/n, n-never forget that, and I always will, no matter what.”
“I always will, too,” you returned, before connecting your forehead to her’s subconsciously, whilst you both began to cling to one another again, as if you were on the verge of losing each other, somehow, and were terrified that you might.
You would both then falter, hearing footsteps approaching, before she pulled away, resulting in you both feeling empty, again, but she didn’t want you to get into trouble, or the band to split up, somehow, if the others found out about you both. “You gonna go back out there, or what?” Rod - the band’s manager - inquired, and Rose would begrudgingly nod, before he walked out again, and she would smile sadly over at you, prompting you to return the smile, before you shyly held both of her hands in your’s.
“I wish we’d have more time,” you expressed, and Rose would nod gravely, a pained expression on her face, before she eased you closer to her to embrace you again, and you would do the same, when you felt able, whilst finding small tears beginning to invade the corners of your vision; you just wished things didn’t have to be so different like they were for you both, and other people like you, and her,
“We will, at some point,” she replied, “I’m sure we will, especially whilst we’re travelling around the place, and finding more hotels to stay at. We’ll get to have the crazy nights we used to, I promise we will, a-and the others won’t ever find out about them, so we’ll be fine to try and spend more time together, without them suspecting us, at all.”
“I hope so,” you corroborated, “I - I guess we should..”
“Y-Yeah,” she agreed, before reluctantly releasing you from her hold, and you would begin to feel empty again, especially when you knew you’d have to try and hide your feelings for her again, and have to watch her and Joel being all playful and close together, like how she’d been with you, before you’d both begun to start secretly going out with one another, “let’s-.. let’s go, before the others start wondering where we are.”
“S-See you there,” you replied, and she would smile warmly back at you, before dragging herself back out onto the stage, prompting the audience to cheer, and some of them to whistle, whilst Joel began to subconsciously watch almost every single one of her moves, but you would try to ignore it, remembering what she’d told you, before, and forcing a smile, before you picked up your bass guitar again, and forced yourself to stride out confidently, and Rose couldn’t help, but smile lovingly over at you, her eyes glinting whilst she did, and you would return the smile, whilst your heart began to race again, and Joel would skeptically look between you both, before he began to play the opening melody of the most recent song the band had decided to release: ‘All I want’, and you found you couldn’t help, but occasionally watch Rose and Joel together again, and noticed the way they sometimes looked at each other, prompting you to begin to worry again, even after she’d told you that he meant nothing to her, but you would try and stop overthinking it, forcing yourself, instead, to focus on your bass part alongside them, and they wouldn’t notice you’d almost messed up the timing, whilst doing so, as you were focussed solely on them, and the ache you were beginning to feel in your chest again.
🜚
After the concert, you had both decided to celebrate by crushing up some Ecstasy pills into powder which you both took turns to take together, whilst giggling at each other’s attempts to do so, before you both found yourselves dancing to nothing in particular, and then curled up in bed together comfortably in one another’s hold. “Hey,” Rose spoke up, after you’d both finally managed to catch your breath, and to curb your fits of laughter, “I - I just wanted to say, because-.. I know I don’t say this enough, but - I love you,” she expressed, and your eyes would begin to glint and widen a little, whilst your heart began to race, and your brain began to plague you with thoughts of why she was so good to you, all the time, when you believed she shouldn’t be, “remember that.”
“That’s good,” you replied, before shuffling even closer to her so you could wrap your arms around her waist, “b-because.. I love you, too, and I always will, I promise.” She would then smile lovingly over at you, before she began to lean forward to connect her lips to your’s again delicately, but the kiss soon began to deepen again, and you would both giggle when she made a clumsy attempt to straddle you beneath her once more whilst she kissed you lovingly, as well as passionately.
🜸🜚🜸
Although she’d promised you that there was nothing going on between her and Joel, you still found yourself anxious about them, especially whenever you noticed that they were getting even closer together. One time, whilst you were performing one of the songs you had proposed - ‘Anti Everything’ - a song about doubt and being in love with someone who the singer believed could never feel the same way for them (you’d obviously written it about you and Rose), you often found yourself looking over in Rose’s direction to find that she was partially singing it to both Joel and the audience, and you wouldn’t know what to do, feeling empty all of a sudden. Before the media had started becoming suspicious of you both, it was you that she often sang the song to, and she’d never have even glanced in Joel’s direction, before then, and you scowled upon remembering that it was all the press’ fault for what was going on; for you gradually and even more excruciatingly beginning to lose Rose, because it felt like you were, and it was painful. You would falter - especially - after Rose had finished singing alongside his keyboard melodies, when you noticed him smirking up at her, and her then leaning down to kiss him, but she - unbeknownst to you - hated every second of it, but she knew she’d have to try and distract the press from their suspected secret relationship accusations in terms of how you both used to publicly act together, before, whilst you found you could no longer play anymore; your heart had begun to ache excruciatingly, as if it were breaking, and you suddenly felt numb all of a sudden, as if you’d lost everything, in that moment. You hadn’t even noticed the tears in your eyes, until they began to slowly slide down your cheeks tauntingly. “Guess you can start calling us the star-crossed lovers, now,” Rose remarked to the audience, trying not to look over at you, though she desperately wanted to try and lock eyes with you, and try to reassure you that she didn’t feel anything for him again; that she never could, and would always only ever love you, no matter what. You would then nod gravely, before finding yourself downing your bass guitar gingerly, before you stormed off of the stage again; you couldn’t take it anymore, and hated yourself for who you were because you found you could only blame yourself, and who you were, evidently assuming that she must have just been bored of you, now, and looking for someone better than you.
Whilst you found yourself having these thoughts, you began to crush up more of the ecstasy which had been left behind, before you took the lot, not caring what it meant for you, or if you’d overdose, somehow, after consuming more of it than you usually would whenever you and Rose were having it, together.
After you’d stormed off of the stage again, Rose found herself struggling to think about anything, but you, and began to feel even worse for what had happened, whilst wishing she’d never kissed him, like that, but she wasn’t sure how else she should act to try and get the press off of your and her back. “Hey,” Suki spoke up quietly, and Rose would look over at her, after finding herself staring after the direction you’d gone in for a moment longer, and silently longing - begging, for you to come back, “want me to go and check on her?”
“She’ll..” Rose would hesitate, not sure if she should be so quick to dismiss, after she’d reminded herself of the time you’d tried to take your life quite gruesomely, a little while ago, before you’d both arrived back at your hometown, but she was also worried about what the press might say, if Suki went after you to check on you, “she’ll be fine - I’m sure.”
“It’s all those damn things she’s on,” Joel remarked, and Rose would subconsciously grimace, “she’s been an addict since day one-”
“She’s not an addict,” Rose contradicted, before moving away from him and forcing a smile over at the audience, and the group would awkwardly perform the last song - ‘Human Nature’ - one you’d both written together after you’d started seeing each other without the others knowing, detailing how you’d both been given hope by meeting each other, and about how you were both afraid of what might happen if you lost one another, somehow, when you felt as if you couldn’t live without one another. After she’d announced the song as brightly as she could, she looked back at the others, begrudgingly nodding, and thinking to herself: ‘this is for you, Y/n’, before the song began, and she hoped you could hear it, but you were already too drugged up to notice anything around you, and would soon fall unconscious, just as they began to play the song.
🜚
After the others had gone to bed, and she’d had to come up with an excuse as to why she couldn’t join Joel in his, she snuck out of her room, and rushed down the hall to your’s, before gently knocking on the door, but it wouldn’t open, and she couldn’t hear anything on the other side, prompting her to begin to panic, before she knocked again, more desperately this time, but the door still wouldn’t open, and she still couldn’t hear anything. “Shit,” Rose whispered, whilst she began to assume the worst, before looking around, not sure what to do for a moment, until she remembered you’d given her the spare key not too long ago, and she would rush back to her room to retrieve it, before attempting to open your door, and just as she was about to give up and find someone to open the door for her, it unlocked, and she would hastily open it, and falter as soon as she saw you curled up in the corner of the room, looking as if you weren’t breathing, and appeared quite limp. “No-!” She cried, whilst her heart felt as if it were sinking, before she rushed over to you and let herself fall to her knees beside you so she could cradle you close to her, fighting back tears whilst she did. “Y/n, please,” she begged shakily, but you wouldn’t react, at all, terrifying her, as well as making her feel numb all of a sudden, as if she had nothing left within her anymore, “t-talk to me, just say something, anything!”
You would then gradually begin to stir in her arms, but were evidently disoriented, after you’d had a vivid and painful vision of the possibility that you might lose her; a vision of her telling you she didn’t want you anymore, like you’d been terrified that she would. “Rose,” you mustered feebly, whilst tears began to cloud your vision, and would soon manage to escape your eyes, before slowly running down your cheeks, but she would delicately brush them away with her right thumb, whilst her right hand was rested upon your cheek affectionately, “you’re here..”
“Of course I am,” she cooed, “where else would I be, if not by your side?”
You would scoff, and she would falter, a pained expression on her face whilst she did; she knew you must be thinking about her and Joel again. “By Joel’s?” You answered, and she would shake her head, a hurt look on her face whilst she did; she couldn’t believe you thought she’d choose his side, over your’s, especially whilst you were in the state you currently were in. “Did you really mean that, Rosanna?” You continued, and she would tilt her head partially, a puzzled expression on her face, whilst her eyes conveyed only the love and concern she was currently holding for you. “You don’t love me?” You clarified, and she would realise, before shaking her head quickly, wondering where you’d gotten that idea. “Then why did you ignore me, back there?” You questioned, and Rose would frown again, whilst beginning to feel guilty for not even looking over at you, or going after you after you’d stormed off of the stage again, especially when she knew, now, that she would have been able to stop you from almost overdosing on her again, and that she could have lost you, if she hadn’t found you.
“Y/n-”
“You just-..” You continued dejectedly, whilst you recalled how she had kissed him the way she had, and hadn’t even glanced over at you at all for the entirety of the gig. “You threw me away, like I was just some - some piece of - discardable trash,” you murmured, and she would nod gravely, before looking away from you, and finding herself fighting back tears again, alongside you; she hated herself for hurting you the way she had been, recently, but you found you couldn’t blame her for supposedly not wanting you anymore, when you believed yourself to be nothing, compared to her, and started to believe, again, that she deserved better than you - so much better than you, breaking your heart all over again, and her’s, unbeknownst to you, but she would try to hide it from you, not wanting to upset you any further by managing to keep up her usual stable composure.
“You don’t understand, Y/n,” she whined, “I had to; I had no choice-”
“Bullshit,” you strained out, “we do have choices, Rose; we could go on with our lives like the press doesn’t influence them in whatever shape or form, a-and we could be happy, together, or you could give up on us completely, and - I don’t know about you, but - I can’t think of anything else I’d be, but miserable, if I ever lost you, a-and I don’t want that, but-.. I guess.. if you don’t want me anymore..”
“Stop,” she managed shakily, before leaning down a little so her lips were inches from your’s, and forehead was affectionately connected to your’s; she just wanted a way to try and make you happy again, and a way to prove to you that you would never lose her to Joel, “Y/n, there will never be a time where I wake up, and think that I don’t want to be by your side anymore, nor will I ever think that I’d rather be on Joel’s, b-because I love you, more than anything, and I always will, I promise, no matter what the press throws at us, next.”
You couldn’t hold it back anymore as you began to cry, and she would delicately connect her lips to your’s, whilst stroking your hair with her still shaky right hand to try and provide as much comfort to you as she could. “I love you so much,” you expressed in a shaky whisper, and she would smile lovingly down at you, prompting your heart to begin to somehow race even faster, “p-promise me you’ll never leave me - I’ll try and get better for you, I swear, I - I just - I need a little time to try-”
“Take as much time as you need,” she cooed, “just-.. Make sure I don’t lose you, either, because I promise you’ll never lose me.”
You would then manage to lift your right hand up to her left cheek, and she would subconsciously melt into your touch. “You-.. You won’t lose me, either, I promise,” you tried to reassure her, “I won’t take as much anymore, I know I can do that..”
“Good,” she corroborated, and you would start leaning heavily against her, evidently exhausted, and she would smile sadly down at you, “wanna cuddle up in bed with me?”
“I’d - I’d love to,” you answered, and she would beam down at you, before carefully picking you up off of the ground, and carrying you into your bedroom so you could both cuddle up together, and try and fall asleep in one another’s hold whilst fighting off the cold, but you found you wouldn’t be able to get any sleep until at least five in the morning; you’d spent most of the night violently shaking in her arms, or throwing up, but Rose surprisingly didn’t mind, happy to just be by your side, and trying to make sure that you were okay, and - eventually - were asleep, at which point she would hesitantly try and go to sleep, herself, though she didn’t want to, just in case you were to wake up again and need her to help you into the bathroom again, or need her to provide comfort to you, and she would manage to drift into a staggered sleep, before morning came much too soon, and you would both have to act as if you didn’t feel anything whatsoever for each other again.
🜸🜚🜸
“You’re up early,” you remarked brightly, after you’d entered the special room the hotel had set up for the group, and Rose would seem to light up as soon as she’d noticed you, before she got up to throw her arms around you, and you would return the hug, whilst smiling into the crook of her neck, “and - and look-.. amazing, like you always do - I just wish we could be alone for longer, s-so we could.. y-y’know.”
She would appear flustered, for a moment, and subconsciously roll her eyes a little when she felt you delicately nibbling at the left side of her neck, but she would then remember that the others could walk in on you both at any moment, and she would begin to panic, the thought prompting her to hold you at arm’s length after you’d managed to leave a small, but barely visible mark on her neck, and you would frown, worried that you had maybe hurt her, since her action had been so sudden. “Someone might come in, and see us, Y/n-”
You would appear disappointed once you realised why she had moved you away, and would quickly shake your head, whilst silently wishing things could be different for you both; that people would stop seeing same-sex couples to be strange, and freakish, like they did at the time. “I don’t care if they see us,” you whined, “it’s not like there’s anything wrong with us being in love with each other-”
“I know,” she cooed, “it’s just-” You would timidly inch closer, and she would have to move away from you, this time, prompting you to falter, and your heart to sink again. “Stop, we - we just can’t, right now, okay? Is that any better? Just.. Just wait until.. later,” she added hastily, not wanting you to worry that she didn’t love you anymore, like you sometimes did, especially when you were using, like you evidently had been, before getting out of bed.
“But you’ll probably be with Joel later-”
“I hope she will.” You would both falter when you heard Joel’s voice behind you, and you would subconsciously grimace, before moving aside so he could try and steal her from you, and she would hesitantly let him kiss her, though she hated how it felt, and was worried it might upset you again if you saw, which you most definitely did, and began to feel numb and empty all over again, and tried to think of something you could say to try and escape the room, and escape having to watch them, and feeling your heart breaking again, like it always did - you found - whenever you saw them together. “Sorry, bassy, did I maybe walk in on somethin’?” Joel inquired, before smirking over at you, and you would have to fight back a scowl, before bowing your head again, and appearing both agitated and crestfallen, at the same time, and Rose would frown when she noticed; she hated seeing you upset, like you evidently were, and would vow to try and make it up to you, later.
“Only a conversation you decided to rudely interrupt,” you uttered, before subconsciously locking eyes with Rose, and finding you couldn’t speak for a moment as you began to stammer, and Rose would smile encouragingly over at you, prompting your heart to skip a beat, before you smiled back, and managed to continue, after you’d brought yourself to pry your gaze from her’s, no matter how much you wanted only to get lost in her eyes, “I’m gonna - go and wake Rod and the others up, don’t - don’t want ‘em being late for practice, do we?”
Joel would snort, prompting Rose to sneakily shoot a glare over at him. “Since when did you start caring about attendance?” He questioned, and you would grunt, before doing the middle finger over at him, and walking out, after muttering a quiet ‘fuck off, Joel’, under your breath, prompting Rose to have to fight back a giggle, evidently amused by how you’d reacted to his remark.
🜸🜚🜸
It wasn’t long, before you both found yourselves fighting, however, after you’d heard from Joel that she’d presumably slept with him, which she hadn’t; he’d been suspecting that you had feelings for her, recently, and wanted to try and steer you away from her, as he was worried about what you might do to try and take her from him, as he didn’t know that you both had already been seeing each other behind his, and the backs of the others and the press, until you both had an even more explosive fight, leading to her deciding not to come and see you whilst the others were asleep anymore, and she even began to ignore you not just on stage, but off of it now, too, resulting in you feeling awful for fighting with her like you had been recently, and beginning to hate yourself even more, but you didn’t blame her for not wanting to see you, or speak to you, anymore, and once you began to notice her sneaking off with Joel more, you found yourself beginning to use a lot more, but no matter how much you took, you found you couldn’t ease the pain, especially when you both still saw each other everyday, and you felt as if you’d lost everything, like how you felt before she had found you, and invited you to join her band, even offering for you to stay with her at her house as you had previously been homeless, with only your bass guitar to keep you company on the dark nights you had found yourself spending, with every cold day that had past without her being by your side.
Every night which followed now, you spent crying, and shaking violently in your bed, after taking more than you should have, as usual, after you’d found yourself looking through the book of photographs you’d put together of you and Rose, until now. You probably would have added more, if it weren’t for the fact that you had somehow managed to lose her again, even though you’d truly thought you would both be together forever; that you existed only by her side, and you weren’t sure what to do anymore, now that you found yourself without her again - it was excruciating, thinking about how she was probably with Joel, when really, unbeknownst to you, she was trying to avoid him, too, after she’d found out that he had told you that she had slept with him, when she’d never even thought about doing such a thing to you, and could never - she was sure - ever even consider doing that, to you, even now, after the fight to have torn you both apart had occurred; she still loved you too much to, and began to wish, now, that she’d never walked out on you like that, and never begun ignoring you and avoiding you as if you didn’t exist, again, like she used to, whenever you were both on the stage together, before, after the press had begun to point out how unusually close you both seemed to be, before, whilst performing together.
On one of the occasions in which she’d found herself trying to avoid Joel and the others after yet another painful performance, she would be surprised to come across you sank down on the ground outside, and she would falter, noticing that you seemed to be disorientated again, whilst crying quietly, and she - when she felt able - would warily approach you, before crouching down beside you, and lifting her right hand to delicately turn your head so she could see your face, and you would subconsciously melt into the warmth of her touch, whilst squinting, and forcing the remaining tears out so you could try and make out who it was, as your vision was currently blurry, and you couldn’t see her face. “I’m-.. I’m okay,” you managed in a shaky slur, and Rose would scoff, before shaking her head, and grimacing; she wished you’d stop lying to her, like you had just done, again; you were evidently far from okay, and she found it painful; she hated seeing you like this, and felt worse whenever she was reminded of her belief that she had been the one to make you like this again, by not stopping the fight, and beginning to ignore and avoid you like she had, recently, after you’d both fought over what Joel had told you.
“Bullshit,” she remarked, and you would fall quiet, upon recognising her voice, and your vision would then begin to clear, surprising you; you couldn’t believe she was wasting her time on you again, when you thought she’d be with Joel, or should be with him, instead, as you believed you would only make things worse if it was still you who she was with, “look at yourself, Y/n, you’re far from okay.”
You would nod gravely, before looking away from her, and she would then timidly intertwine the fingers of her left hand with the pale, and slightly trembling fingers of your right, and you would falter, before glancing down at your and her hand, but you would try not to get your hopes up, guessing she was just doing it to try and make you feel better, but you felt as if things could never be good again, like they used to be, and this thought prompted more tears to cloud your vision, and made you wish the drugs would just end you, like you’d been hoping they would for a while, now. “That sounds-.. s-sounds completely accurate,” you corroborated dejectedly, “I’ve not been.. okay.. for a while now..”
She would nod gravely, before lowering her gaze down to the ground; she didn’t want you to see that she was trying not to cry alongside you, too, as she knew it would only upset you more, if she did. “How much did you take, this time?” She inquired, and you would shrug, not even sure anymore, as you evidently no longer cared how much you took; you just wished it would be, every day you crushed up the pills, and took them, the last day you would have to spend in excruciating pain, but no such luck, so far, evidently, as you were still sadly alive, and having to go on enduring it for too much longer. “Maybe I could call someone for you-”
“No,” you murmured, “I.. it’s not the drugs which are the problem, Rose.. it’s just.. I..” You would then sigh heavily, before bowing your head again, and feeling as if you should just give up, already; you doubted she could ever feel the same way for you, anymore, after the fight, and after she’d been presumably getting even closer to Joel, recently, and it was silently tearing you apart inside; a feeling you were somehow still not used to, even after you’d experienced it before you and Rose had first met. “Forget about it,” you murmured, but she would quickly shake her head, wanting to know what it was that was making you like this, though she already knew; she just wanted to hear you say it, and to tell you that she felt the same way, before requesting, or rather begging for you to forgive her, as she was sick of seeing you hurt, like you evidently had been since the fight you’d both had, and ever since you had both lost one another, though you both still loved each other more deeply than either of you could take, and this fact was making the pain even more excruciating than it would be, if you didn’t.
“I can’t, now,” she replied, “tell me; I wanna help you, Y/n.”
You would snort, before shaking your head. “That’s the thing - You can’t help me,” you claimed, “I’m too far gone-”
“You don’t know that-”
“I do,” you insisted, and Rose was trying to hide that she was beginning to panic, badly, “d’you remember how - when we were together, I had a book of all the pictures we’d taken, and how we used to take at least one photo on each date that we went on?”
She would nod, and found that she couldn’t help, but smile softly, upon remembering it, and how she loved to watch it fill up, whilst you both were still together. “Of course I remember,” she answered, “w-why?”
“I think Joel took it,” you stated, “it’s not in any of the usual spaces I’d hide it in, before, a-and it’s petrifying me - not just because of what he could do with it, but because-.. it’s.. the only thing right now which.. seemed to have been bringing me closer to you again, and seemed to have sometimes made me feel better, because of the memories we made together, before, but then when I remember we won’t be able to make any more, I.. lose all control all over again..”
Rose then couldn’t hold it back anymore as she began to cry, and then ease you closer to her so she could hug you tightly, and you would quickly melt into her embrace, whilst beginning to cry within it, alongside her. “I’m so sorry,” she managed in a shaky whisper, “if I knew you were - you were hurting like that, I wouldn’t have.. I wouldn’t have been avoiding you like I was; I never meant to hurt you-” She would then hold you at arm’s length, and you would both find each other getting lost in one another’s eyes again, before you leaned forward to delicately connect your lips to her’s, and she would - at first - find herself melting into the kiss, before she quickly pulled away, though there was nothing more that she wanted, but to fix things between you both, and to feel your lips against her’s again; she was just worried, still, about what might happen if the others found out, or if the press somehow managed to catch on, and you would falter, before bowing your head a little to try and hide that there were still tears threatening to escape each of your sore, and damp eyes.
“Please,” you whined, “Rose-”
“No,” she interjected gently, before carefully lifting your face up a little so she could connect her forehead to your’s affectionately, whilst her heart began to ache again when she noticed how red and dark your eyes currently were, “we can’t - we can’t do this again, Y/n..”
“But-”
“The others, Joel-”
“I don’t care what they think,” you persisted, evidently desperate, and it was only breaking her heart even more; she hated seeing you like this, and wished she hadn’t reacted to the fight the way she had, “I love you, Rose; I need you, I - I can’t live without you.. P-Please don’t do this-”
“You’re gonna have to at least try, Y/n,” she interrupted gently, before trying to provide comfort to you by booping the tip of your nose with her’s, whilst you tried to fight back the strained sobs which were begging to escape your lips, “please.”
You would then nod gravely, realising she’d probably never change her mind, and she would express relief, but found she still couldn’t rid herself of the pain which was currently radiating throughout her body, alongside your’s. “Could - Could you, at least.. stay with me, for.. for one more night?” You requested, and she would hesitate, not sure; she didn’t want to get your hopes up, and wasn’t sure if she’d able to stop herself from doing anything, if she stayed with you again, and she knew it wouldn’t be fair on you, if she did, and then went back to being simply just your friend, and band mate, the next day. “I’m.. I’m scared.. the - the nightmares keep coming back,” you explained, and she would frown, wishing she could do more to try and stop them for you, “a-and they only s-seem - seem to go away whenever you’re with me.”
Rose would consider it for a moment, before nodding slowly, and deciding she’d stay with you for at least one night. “Okay,” she replied, “but just for one night, n-no more than that.” You would manage a feeble smile up at her, before nodding, and managing a quiet ‘thank you’, whilst she helped you up off of the ground, and led you back inside so she could return to your room with you, and though she had been hoping maybe ‘it’ wouldn’t happen, it did, after she found herself considering it again, and deciding maybe it wouldn’t hurt you as much as she thought it would - you had been the one to find yourself kissing her again, anyway, and she would reluctantly allow herself to melt into the kiss, after deciding she should, to try and make the past few days up to you, and herself; they had been painful, and you’d both missed one another more than you could miss anything else, but most of all - she just wanted you to know that she did still love you, even if she felt as if she wasn’t allowed to say it, or show that she did in public, not even in front of the band anymore.
|
“It didn’t mean anything,” she claimed, “we were just tired, and - and you still kinda had some of those pills in your system, and I’m so sorry, Y/n, I really am-”
You would nod gravely, before staring down at your once again trembling, and wet hands; you’d been crying again, as usual, since she’d approached you, first, once morning came, and tried to apologise to you for what had occurred the previous night, and it was then that you found yourself beginning to break down all over again; you’d been hoping, maybe, that - even if the events of the previous night were some form of goodbye, which they felt like they were - they meant that she still felt something for you, but now you were finding yourself doubting again, and just assuming that it meant nothing, like she claimed it did. “You’re right,” you corroborated, and she would fall quiet, a pained expression on her face whilst she did; she could see that you were trying to hide that you were crying, again, and wished she’d never decided to let it happen, though she thought it wouldn’t hurt you, before, “it was nothing.” You would then force a smile up at her, but she could see through it, and see that you looked as if you might fall apart any minute now, hence why you quickly lowered your gaze again, whilst trying to fight back even more uninvited tears. “I, er..” You continued, before forcing yourself out of your seat at the kitchen table, and Rose would silently plead for you to meet her gaze again, but you found you couldn’t, knowing you’d only fall apart even more, if you did, “I have.. an appointment, s-so.. I might not be able to make the rehearsal, today, but.. you guys’ll be.. be fine, right? What use is - is the bassist, anyway?”
You would then hastily make for the door, finding you couldn’t hold yourself back any longer as you began to cry again, and Rose would begin to panic, rushing after you; she was worried you might do something stupid, like try to take your life, again, take even more of those stupid crushed up pills, or try to hurt yourself, and she couldn’t let it happen, but you were determined to get away, and not be stopped this time. “Y/n, wait!” She cried, but you would manage to slip out of the room, and bump into Joel immediately after you did, but you wouldn’t stop, rushing off before he could even open his mouth to speak, and Rose would wince, upon noticing him, and he would appear suspicious, before tilting his head partially over at her, evidently expecting an answer from her, which she would reluctantly give, after tugging him into the room, and closing the door so she could tell him everything about you both, though he already had been getting a slight idea of what had been happening between you both recently, and he hated it, but would try to hide this from her, wanting to at least remain on her good side, though she’d admitted she didn’t have feelings for him, as he was hopeful that she would change her mind, but she was determined not to, and believed she could never love anyone else as much as she loved you, and always had, and that’s why she rushed out looking for you as soon as she’d made sure to tell him everything, and effectively brought to an end her fake relationship with him; she didn’t want to hurt you anymore; she couldn’t, and knew this would be the only way she could do that for you.
🜸
After searching for what felt like hours, and finding nothing, Rose would reluctantly decide to give in, after Suki had advised her to, upon noticing how exhausted she appeared, and Rose would hesitantly allow herself to confide in Suki, too, who reacted better than Rose thought she would - in fact, she appeared delighted, as well as worried about you, to hear that you both had been secretly seeing one another, and worried to now hear that you were missing, but she would try not to let herself, or Rose panic, whilst slowly leading Rose back toward the lobby of the hotel you were all currently staying in, where the others, obviously excluding you, were waiting for them. Rod would stand up immediately upon their entry, and both Suki and Rose could tell that he was silently fuming; he’d heard from Joel that you had run off again - as well as about everything that had been going on between you both, and now wasn’t sure whether he should postpone the next rehearsal, or go ahead without you. “Let me guess - you couldn’t find her?” He uttered, whilst in the process of lighting a cigarette, and Rose would shake her head, whilst a pained expression began to cross her face again; she couldn’t believe she’d let you slip away like that, and now there was a possibility that she could lose you, if you decided to try and take your life like you had tried to a few times, before she’d met you, and before you’d both started secretly seeing one another. “Well, shit,” he remarked, but would manage to catch himself before he could begin ranting at the group, especially when he noticed the look on Rose’s face, and could tell she didn’t need another of his angry speeches right now, so instead he would take out another cigarette from the packet whilst the one he’d lit was being held in his mouth, before offering it to her, assuming she needed it, and she would hesitantly accept it from him shakily, before nodding her thanks to him after he’d lit it for her. “She’ll be fine,” he continued, before turning partially to the others - Joel and Eddie (Eddie is Rod’s brother, and the drummer of the band) - and forcing a smile, “what do you wanna do, gang? The next show’s tomorrow night, and we’re missing our bassist - do we wait, or start without her?”
“If she even comes back,” Rose mustered feebly, whilst tears began to cloud her vision again, and she would then have to bite down a little on her bottom lip to stop it from trembling, before she bowed her head, and Suki would try and provide comfort to her by hooking a reassuring right arm over her shoulder, “I should have.. I should have told her the truth - she probably hates me now-”
“She couldn’t hate you,” Suki contradicted gently, “she probably just needs a little time to think about things, and then she’ll come back, I promise.”
Rose would then find herself beginning to panic again, whilst even managing to imagine the possibility that you could be laying in a pool of your own blood right now, prompting Rose to turn to Suki whilst her tears managed to escape, and stream down her cheeks. “What if she doesn’t? W-What if she’s-..” She then found she couldn’t take it anymore as she began to break down, a strained sob managing to escape her lips, and Suki would ease her into a hug, whilst silently hoping you weren’t, herself, as you’d both also been good friends since you’d first joined the band.
As if on cue, you appeared at the end of the hallway, dragging yourself toward the lobby, and you would falter as soon as you noticed the others waiting for you; you didn’t think they would, and would begin to feel guilty for disappearing like you had when you could see that Rose was crying, whilst also finding yourself wondering why she’d bother worrying over a nobody like you, even prompting you to believe that maybe she wasn’t crying about you, prompting your heart to sink a little as you considered all the other possible reasons why. As soon as Suki had noticed you, she’d express relief, and then smile in your direction. “She’s not,” she cooed, “because she’s back.”
Rose would then instantly turn to face you, once Suki had released her from her embrace, before rushing up to you, and throwing her arms around you. At first, you would tense up, not expecting her to be happy that you were okay, but would then soon melt into her embrace shortly after, before returning the hug, and burying your face into the crook of her neck whilst you found yourself beginning to cry alongside her. “I’m so sorry,” she managed, her voice shaky, and muffled against your right shoulder, and you would shake your head, not wanting her to feel as if she should apologise, when you believed everything that had happened recently to be your fault, “I-.. I shouldn’t have let it happen, I know; I just.. I..”
You would then falter, before nodding gravely, and assuming she didn’t love you again. “N-No, it’s my fault,” you murmured, before escaping her embrace, though you wanted nothing, but to remain within her arms, and she would feel empty all of a sudden, alongside you, prompting her glistening and sore eyes to silently plead with your’s, “it’s - l-like you said, earlier - just because.. we were tired, and I was still.. high, I guess, if.. if being high is.. is like being in love with someone, and.. having them not feel the same way, for you.” She would falter alongside you, before shaking her head subconsciously, whilst soon finding herself trying not to cry again. “Whilst I was-.. elsewhere,” you began again quietly, “I.. I was thinking m-maybe.. maybe it would be better if I.. quit.”
That was it - the moment that Rose found herself beginning to break down completely; she couldn’t believe it; that you wanted to leave, after everything you’d both been through together, recently; all the memories you’d both made together, and she couldn’t hold herself back any longer as she suddenly pushed you gently, as she had no intention of trying to hurt you, surprising you, but you wouldn’t blame her; you never could, feeling as if you were the only one to blame for everything that had been going on recently. “What the fuck?” She replied, and you would bow your head, trying not to feel guilty, and change your mind, as you knew she’d be happier without you, and that things would probably just get worse, if you decided to stay. “Are you serious?” She questioned, and you would nod, whilst staring down at your feet, and she would shake her head again; she couldn’t let you leave; she just couldn’t, as she honestly couldn’t imagine her life without you in it. “Is this what you wanted, all along?” She hissed, and you would hesitantly glance up at her again, whilst the others awkwardly looked around the room. Rod would then clear his throat, but Rose would ignore him. “To make me fall in love with you, and - and then - then just fucking leave, as if it never happened? As if I meant nothing to you?” She clarified, and you would grimace, before looking away again; you thought it had been the other way around, as you’d been feeling as if you meant nothing to her, recently; that everything you’d both done together had simply just been for fun, and not because she felt the same way, for you, when she always had, unbeknownst to you, now, ever since you’d both first met, and she’d invited you to join the band with her and the others. “Do you really expect me to be okay with that?” She added, and you would simply shrug, whilst the tears began to force their way down your cheeks again.
“I guess I just.. thought it wouldn’t mean anything,” you answered truthfully, and she would scoff, before shaking her head; she couldn’t believe you, “that maybe you’d.. be happier, if I weren’t in the way anymore.”
“Why would you ever think something like that?” She pried, and would wince when she noticed that some other people who had recently joined the room were now watching, with skeptical looks on their faces, and she would then bow her head a little, before she shook it timidly, whilst cursing herself for what she was doing. You knew, though, that she was worried again, about what the people watching would think of you both, as well as about what they might do - terrified, even, that they might try and hurt you for whatever crazy reason; she didn’t care if they tried to hurt her, just you; she couldn’t let anything happen to you, and knew that she’d never be able to forgive herself if she did. “Y’know what? Fine,” she spat, and you would then look back at her, when you felt able, with a hurt look on your face; you’d looked over at the group of people after you’d noticed her glancing over at them like she had, “leave, I - I meant what I said, Y/n, what happened meant nothing, I don’t feel anything for you anymore.”
You would nod gravely, before looking away again, whilst wondering why you hadn’t just taken your life, earlier, like you’d been considering doing a lot recently. “Fine, I will,” you uttered, before turning, and walking away, prompting Rose to begin to panic again as she shook her head, before rushing after you, and catching your right arm.
“N-No, don’t, please, I’m so sorry-”
You would then hesitantly turn to face her, and she would then hold you at arm’s length so she could meet your gaze, and get lost in your eyes again, as she’d missed doing so recently. “So you want me to stay, now?” You interjected shakily, and she would nod, whilst her cheeks began to heat up, but you would try not to get your hopes up, though she was blushing. “I don’t know what to think anymore, Rose,” you expressed, and she would nod gravely again, “if - if you don’t love me, prove it to me; prove that you’ve never even felt at least something for me.” She would then nervously look over at the group of spectators again, and you would shake your head, not wanting her to feel as if she had to be worried about what they would think, anymore. “D-Don’t look at them,” you begged, desperate, “they don’t matter, just.. just look at me.” She would then glance back at you, and you would then timidly inch closer to her so you could try and provide comfort to her by connecting your forehead to her’s, and she would instantly relax, whilst beginning to feel as if it were now just you both who were in the room, prompting her heart to begin to race again alongside your’s. “Do.. Do you love Joel? Because if you do, t-then-.. that’s fine,” you mustered, not wanting to force her into anything; you only wanted her to be happy, even if it meant she could only be happy with someone else, and not you, though you knew you’d probably never be the same again if you lost her, “I’ll.. never bother you again, because-.. I love you, Rose, a-and.. all I want is for you to be happy, and if he makes you happy-”
Rose would then shake her head, before she lifted her right hand up to your left cheek, prompting you to fall quiet, whilst you subconsciously leaned into her touch, and found yourself getting lost in her icy blue eyes again. “Only you could ever make me happy,” she managed shakily, her voice close to a whisper, before she delicately connected her lips to your’s, and you would instantly melt into the kiss, whilst you both eased each other closer as soon as the kiss began to deepen, ignoring the hushed comments from the crowd of people who were watching you both together, until Rod cleared his throat again, prompting you both to begrudgingly end the kiss to look over at him.
“As much as I love a happy ending,” he began, “and think you’re both adorable together, I’m afraid we’ve still got a rehearsal to get underway, right? For the show tomorrow?”
You would wince, whilst Rose appeared disgruntled; she’d rather focus on you. “Fine,” she gave in, before glancing over at you again, and smirking, “don’t worry, it’ll be only you I ogle from now on, on and off the stage.”
You would suddenly appear elated, whilst remembering how much fun you’d both used to have together on the stage whenever you were engaging in unexpected duets and solos together, and how your heart would race, and you would feel warm and fuzzy whenever she was singing to you, and had occasionally been hugging you whilst she did. “Y-You mean - things’ll go back to the way they used to be?” You mused, and she would nod quickly, whilst fighting back a giggle; she found your reaction adorable, as well as amusing, evidently, and you would then throw your arms around her again, prompting her to return the hug immediately after you had. “We’ll do the best duet,” you remarked, and she would giggle, before nodding in agreement with you.
“And then we’ll end the show with me singing Anti-Everything - to you, this time,” she added, before delicately kissing you again, and you would revel in the fluttery feeling you were currently experiencing, “and every other time, I promise, because I’m never gonna let anyone separate us ever again, never.”
“I love you so much,” you expressed, and she would smile lovingly over at you, whilst her eyes began to glint alongside your’s, “and I always will, no matter what.”
“I love you, too,” she returned, “now let’s go - Rod’s looking impatient to get back to his whiskey-”
“Damn right I am,” he corroborated, before gesturing for them to follow him out of the hotel, and to the studio he’d rented upon the band’s arrival, and everything appeared to be going as splendidly as it had been, before, until one of the many interrupted, as well as threatened shows leading up to the band’s final one, after you’d found yourself almost overdosing as an attempt to take your own life again, but after you’d been found and saved by Rose, you found you couldn’t yet remember why, until she’d reluctantly decided to remind you of the fatal accident that she’d almost experienced that same night, due to a member of the audience’s unchecked gun, and evident disapproval of your and her love for one another being the reason why they’d decided to bring it, and tried to use it to kill you both.
~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️
#margot robbie#writing prompts#fanfiction#writing prompt#nellie laroy#Babylon#love story#lgbtq writing#lgbtq+#lgbtq#lgbtqia#forbidden love#love confessions#gay love#angsty prompts#angsty#cute prompts#cute#angst with comfort#angst prompt#angst#whump fic#whump writing#daisy jones & the six#daisy jones and the 6#daisy jones and the six#fluffy prompts#fluff prompts#fluff#x you fluff
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I also want to talk about the Ryan Gosling Ken Situation lmao. I like the man, he's handsome alright. But who —and I'm trying so hard here to understand— saw the amazing casting choice of MARGOT ROBBIE IN THE FLESH AND ALL HER GLORY and decided that the most AVERAGE LOOKING white guy DESERVED to be her Ken. Like, who? One one hand you got ✨MARGOT ROBBIE✨ and then ryan gosling. I hate that so much.
I also hate that awful platinum blonde hair or whatever they did on him. It somehow made it worse. Even Ken from the Barbie Girl MV is better, and the dude was... Something.
i saw the photos of him in the whole get up and it looked like a weird dad at his kids birthday party, like how am i SUPPOSED TO GET ON BOARD WITH THIS????!!
margot sweetie, i know you probably don’t care, but we praying for you, you’re in our thoughts, we are sorry they gave you such a lousy ken lmao
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