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queenofcats17 · 5 years

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Good Intentions

So, after the latest chapter from @pipesflowforeverandever Hymns of Struggle series, I wanted to write something for our favorite ginger. Specifically with another ginger who also cares very deeply for his children.

Sidenote: This is simply the portrayal of Loki I use in my stories.

Joey collapsed into his chair, burying his head in his hands. He was just trying to protect them. Why couldn’t they understand? He just wanted to keep them safe. He had sacrificed so much to ensure their safety. He knew this was his fault, he knew that, but he’d done everything he could to make sure no one was hurt by his mistake. They were alive, weren’t they? He’d made sure they wouldn’t die. But then again, there were fates worse than death, weren’t there? His shoulders shook with barely contained sobs. He hadn’t wanted this. He hadn’t wanted any of this. Why couldn’t they understand that? He’d never meant for any of this to happen.

“It’s tough, isn’t it?” Joey looked up abruptly, only to find a man sitting cross-legged on his desk. The man had certainly not been there before, and Joey could think of no way the man could have gotten in. He certainly didn’t seem to belong there. The man was far cleaner than anyone else in the studio could ever be. His faded green shirt and worn brown pants looked old, but there wasn’t a drop of ink on them. He couldn’t be more than 30 years old, but there were streaks of grey in his flaming red hair. Faint wrinkles lined his eyes and mouth, and on his lips were barely visible scars. And he wasn’t wearing any shoes.

“How did you get in here?” Joey asked weakly. He didn’t have the energy to be frightened or shocked. He’d expended all of it putting everyone back in their places.

“I’m not here.” The man gave him a weary smile. “Not really.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“It’s a long story. Think of this as something like astral projection.” His enigmatic guest waved a hand dismissively, turning to face Joey. “Introductions are in order.” He stuck out his hand. “Loki Lauyfeyson.”

“As in...the god?” Joey asked, a touch of awe entering his voice. He knew precious little about Norse mythology, but he knew this name.

“The very same.” The man’s smile widened. His eyes were green, a far brighter shade than any that might be found in nature. They were sharp, understanding, but infinitely tired at the same time. Joey stared at the outstretched hand, the long fingers and calloused palms.

“Come on now, I don’t bite.” Loki laughed. “At least, not usually.” Joey reached tentatively out, shaking the god’s hand. A real god...in his studio.

“Joey Drew.” He said. “It’s a pleasure.” Loki may have said he wasn’t really there, but Joey could still feel the warmth from the other man. Loki was warm, very much so. It was a welcome change from the cold that seemed to permeate everything in the studio.

“I do hope this doesn’t sound rude, but why did you come here, exactly?” Joey asked once they’d both withdrawn their hands. “I’m sure a god has better things to do than visiting someone like myself. I’m not even a believer of yours.”

“You would think so, but no.” Loki laughed. “I’m a bit, shall we say, indisposed. Physically speaking.” Joey tilted his head to the side, eyes squinted in slight confusion. For a moment, Loki just stared at him. Then he chuckled nervously.

“You’re not, uh, familiar with my stories, are you?”

“My apologies.” Joey gave him an apologetic smile. “I must admit, I never studied your myths.”

“Eh, that’s alright." Loki shrugged. “You did say you weren’t one of my believers. Anyway,” he smiled once more. “You asked why I was here.”

“I did.” Joey nodded. Loki leaned back on his hands, staring at the ceiling of Joey’s office.

“I wish I could say it was for some noble reason. But honestly? I was lonely.”

“You were...lonely?” Joey echoed uncertainly. It hadn’t really occurred to him that gods could get lonely.

“My physical body is stuck in a cave,” Loki explained. “The only other person I can talk to is my wife and...She’s still holding a grudge.” His smile grew sad. “She’s got every reason to be mad, of course, but it still hurts.”

“That sounds unpleasant,” Joey said.

“It’s not that different from your situation. Although you don’t have a giant snake dripping poison onto you all the time.” Loki laughed at this, as though it was supposed to be funny, but Joey just stared at him in horror. Loki’s laughter slowly petered off, leaving him smiling uncertainly.

“Sorry. Gotta cope somehow. Besides, the poison doesn’t drip on me all the time. Only when my wife has to empty out the bowl she’s holding.”

“I, erm, alright.”

“Moving on.” Loki cleared his throat. “Yes. I was lonely. And...you reminded me of myself a little bit.” Joey’s brow furrowed. He wasn’t sure if he should be honored or not. Being compared to a god did technically tend to be a good thing. But given that Loki was apparently confined to a cave while a snake dripped poison onto him, he had the feeling Loki wasn’t exactly the best person.

“May I ask why I remind you of yourself?” Joey asked, folding his hands on the desk. Loki sat back up, watching Joey. He was smiling again, the expression world-weary and tender.

“I’ve done a lot of things I shouldn’t have in the name of keeping my children safe.”

“I see.” Just like that, the reality of the situation came crashing down on Joey once more. He’d been able to forget what had happened while in the presence of his new guest. He didn’t get guests very often, after all, least of all literal gods.

“Yeah.”

For a moment or two, they just sat in silence. Joey stared down at his hands while Loki just stared off into the distance. Finally, Loki spoke once more.

“I never really expected to be a father.” He said, his gaze wandering around the room. “I mean I understood how reproduction works, but neither Angie nor I are human, so things had the possibility to get weird.”

“Angie?”

“The mother of three of my children,” Loki said, staring off at something that Joey couldn’t see. “She’s one of my best friends. I haven’t seen her in years now.”

“How many children do you have, exactly?” Joey asked. He couldn’t help but feel a little curious. He knew many gods had a tendency to have a vast number of children.

“Six, that I know of. Although, there are probably more.” Loki laughed softly. “I do like having a lot of sex.”

“Are they...yours by blood?”

“Yep. I even gave birth to one of them!”

Had he not been thinking of Henry, Joey might have been slightly put off by this. He stared down at his hands again, opening and closing them as though that would do something.

“I have...Had a son.” He said. “We weren’t related by blood, but...” He smiled softly. “I love him more than anything. I wanted him to be happy more than anything else in the world.”

“I know what you mean.” Loki’s expression softened. “The first time I held my son, it was like nothing else mattered. I decided right then and there that I would never let anyone else hurt them.”

“I thought...I thought maybe if we could be blood...Maybe then...Maybe then he would come back.” Joey whispered. “Maybe things could go back to the way they were before. I just...I wanted him back.”

“I know.” Loki reached out to gently touch Joey’s shoulder.

“I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt any of them.” The tears were threatening to come back. “I never meant for any of this to happen.” Joey’s body began to shake again. He buried his face in his hands once more. “I just wanted my family back.”

“I know.” Loki’s voice was soft, almost fatherly. It seemed so strange, having a man who barely looked older than Joey treating the old man as though he were his child. It wasn’t done in a way that might have felt demeaning. No, it seemed as though Loki genuinely cared. Joey calmed down a bit at Loki’s touch and understanding tone.

“What did you do...exactly?” Joey asked. “If that’s not too personal of a question to ask.” He wasn’t sure why exactly he was asking this. Maybe he thought if he heard the other man’s crimes, he’d feel better about his own.

“I mean, I already know everything you’ve done, so it only seems fair.” Loki shrugged. “Are you sure you want to hear it, though? It does involve a lot of violence.”

“I may be far younger than you, sir, but I am no child.”

Loki exhaled slowly through his teeth. “Alright, so, this is going to require a little explanation.” He put his hands together. “You may not understand the significance of this, but Angie is a jotun. Jotun are a race that is common in my mythology. They’re basically embodiments of nature. Now, jotun aren’t particularly...popular among the gods.” He grimaced a bit. “When given the chance, most of the others readily enjoy bashing in the skulls of the jotun. I’m half jotun myself, but my friendship with Odin allowed me to mostly stay unscathed.”

“Odin is...the king of the gods, yes?”

“Yes. And a right bastard if I do say myself. Always scheming and planning.” Loki’s expression darkened. “It was because of his fear and paranoia that my children were treated so poorly.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Joey touched the god’s hand. “That hardly seems fair.”

“Sometimes life isn’t fair.” Loki entwined his fingers with Joey’s. “But I appreciate the sentiment. In any case, back to the story. So, Angie is a jotun, which means that by extension, my children with her are jotun as well. It didn’t help that 2 out of 3 of them are large animals.”

“Large animals?” Joey’s eyes widened.

“Like I said, neither Angie nor I are human, so things get weird.” Loki let out a weak laugh. “But, yes, two out of three of them are large animals. Fenrir is a giant wolf and Jormungandr is a giant snake. The only one of the three of them who looks human is my girl, Hel. Although...She has her own peculiarities.”

“I see.” Joey wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to this, so he just nodded. One would think he would be used to strangeness by now. But apparently, life still had surprises in store for the old man.

“As far as I’m concerned, they’re the best things to ever happen to me.” Loki continued. “But the others didn’t agree. They thought my children were dangerous. They thought my children were monsters.” He spat the word with such venom that Joey flinched back.

“They could have been taught to control their powers, could have been taught to fit in. They could have been happy.” Loki’s voice began to rise, a fire igniting in his eyes. His hand grew warmer. “But no. Odin would not tolerate that. He chained up Fenrir, cast Jormungandr into the ocean, and confined Hel to the Underworld. It wasn’t fair! They didn’t do anything wrong!” The fire in his eyes burned brighter. His hand was now uncomfortably hot. Joey pulled away as Loki continued to rail and rant. The room was growing warmer and warmer. “They needed to be taught a lesson! They all did! They needed to know what it meant to lose someone they cared about! They needed to know pain and death! I was justified!”

Then, suddenly, Loki stopped. The fire in his eyes went out and the room was cold once more. The god was left staring down at his hands, just as Joey had been before. A similar look of regret was plastered all over his face. Joey blinked, still pressed into his chair.

“Are you quite alright?” He asked tentatively.

“No.” Loki managed a rueful smile. “But then again, neither of us are. I, uh, I didn’t really answer your question, did I?”

“I suppose you didn’t.”

“I killed one of Odin’s sons.” Loki held eye contact with Joey as he said this. “His name is Baldr. He’s a sweet boy and he didn’t deserve what I did to him. But he was one of Odin’s favorites and I wanted to hit the old man where it hurt. Not to mention,” he glanced down at the ground. “I thought Hel would enjoy the company.”

“Ah.” Joey could find no other words.

“Odin retaliated, of course.” Loki drew into himself a bit, wrapping his arms around himself as if trying to provide himself comfort. “I deprived him of his son, so he deprived me of two of mine. But at least I gave his son a painless death. Not like what he did to my boys.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was my fault. It was my fault they suffered.” Loki hunched his shoulders. “Everything I did for my children, all of it backfired. All it did was harm them, in the end.”

“I know the feeling.” Joey lowered his eyes. Everything he’d done to protect Henry, to protect the members of the studio, it had all been for naught. All he’d done was cause them pain.

“Hence why I came here.”

They sat in silence once more before Loki started to laugh quietly.

“There’s some Christian saying,” he said. “‘The road to Hell is paved with good intentions’. It certainly seems to apply to us, doesn’t it?”

“I suppose it does.” Joey smiled weakly. Loki shifted his position so that his face was close to Joey’s. He put his hands on Joey’s shoulders, resting his forehead against the other man’s.

“I believe in you, my friend. I believe that it’s not too late for you.” Loki closed his eyes, his voice like silk in Joey’s ears. “But you need to listen to Francine. You need to accept that you have made mistakes. You need to accept that you were wrong.” Joey pulled away rather violently, sending his chair crashing into the back wall as he stood up. Loki sighed, his shoulders slumping.

“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true.” He folded his hands in his lap. “We are not right, Joey Drew. Nothing we did was right. If you ever want to fix what you have done, you need to own up to your mistakes.”

“How dare you!?” Joey sputtered. He wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t have been wrong. All of this had been for a reason. It had to have been for a reason.

“I don’t want you to end up like me.” Loki looked tired as he watched Joey. “I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I have. There’s still time for you to fix your situation.”

“I don’t need your judgment!” Joey yelled. He felt like a child once more, being confronted by a disappointed adult. He didn’t want to feel like this.

“For your sake, I hope your story has a happier ending than mine.” Loki murmured. Then he was gone. Joey was left alone in his office, flustered and on the verge of tears. For a moment, he just stood there, staring at the place where the god had once been. Eventually, he sat back down at his desk. This was all for a reason, it had to be. He wasn’t wrong. He wasn’t.

#bendy and the ink machine #fanfiction #hymns of struggle #gingie drew #joey drew #norse mythology #loki

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iwillbeinmynest · 7 years

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The Ravens - Loki x Reader(f) Part 3

Authors Notes: This kind of feels like a filler to me but I like where it goes and what it sets up for. I hope you guys are still enjoying this series and I can’t wait to hear what you think of this part!

Word Count: 1.7k +

Au: Rockstar AU

Notes/Warnings: None? Maybe nerves and tears. But really, this chapter is super mild.

The Ravens- Part 1 Part 2

It had been three weeks since he last saw her in the manor. The night he and his band hosted that ridiculous dinner party, she had shown up and changed his world. Everyday he looked at her number in his phone. Everyday he thought about calling or texting her but the words never came.

Instead, he spent the time he wished he had been talking to her, to write music instead. He wrote four songs. None of them captured her essence, though. They weren’t right. They weren’t perfect like she was.

For weeks after he walked her to the door and bid her a goodnight, he struggled to put to music the way she made him feel. The melody wasn’t soft enough, the lyrics weren’t intelligent enough. It wasn’t enough for her.

However, one night, as he was playing around with his guitar, he struck a chord. He hadn’t meant to, but he did. Then, he struck another, then another. And before he knew what had happened, he’d done it. He’d completed her song. He’d figured out how to write her, he’d figured out how to describe her and what she made him think of the most.

The band was scheduled to play in New York and Loki had arranged something special for one of his nights off. After landing in the city Loki and the band were sent out for press for the big concert. Loki hated press; people he didn’t know pretending that they’ve been friends for years. Thor enjoyed enough for all of them though and, as always, Loki kept on the quiet side.

The day was finally over and Loki excused himself from the band’s evening out. It wasn’t as if they’d missed him or even noticed he left most of the time and tonight was no different. Thor had brought a flask of “the good stuff”, as he called it, as was hammered after his third shot.

It was late but the streets were busy, populated by dim street lights and people who should be making their way home. Loki should have been heading back to his hotel but his feet took him elsewhere. He found himself getting lost in New York and almost chuckled at the cliche he’d made of himself. He ended up on Broadway and quickly found his way to the shadows, should someone recognize him and he be subjected to more pictures with people who weren’t her.

He missed her. Norns, how he missed her. He missed her eyes and her smile and the way she would raise one eyebrow when she was being clever. It was almost one in the morning and he knew he should be courteous, but he pulled out his phone, typed out a message, and hit send.

- I’m in New York. I have something for you and I’d really like it if you were one of the first ears to hear it. If it suits you, be at Harry’s Bar in the East Village on Thursday at 10pm. Drinks are on me, as well as your flights and hotel. I hope to see you there.

Thursday night. 9:55 pm.

Loki paced in the greenroom of the small music bar, his nerves getting the better of him. Not only was this the first time he’d ever performed without the band, but he hadn’t heard a word from (Y/N). She hadn’t replied to his text, and as many times as he peaked around the bar, he couldn’t see her in the small crowd.

“Mr. Lauyfeyson,” A manager knocked on his door. “You’re set is in five. We need you in the hall in two.”

“I’ll be there.” The huffed. Loki had given them a different name to limit the chances of people only liking his music for who he was and not what they heard. He checked his phone once again. It was clear of messages. He sighed and shoved his phone in his pocket.

He checked the mirror out of habit from the larger shows and rolled his eyes at his appearance. Maybe it was best she didn’t come, he looked like a wreck. When had he slept last? It had been at least a full day since he got any sleep; he’d been so anxious about seeing (Y/N) again and this solo show that he couldn’t stop practicing his music, it had to be perfect if she made it.

Loki made his way into the narrow back hallway and found the manager. One of the staff handed him his white guitar and he settled into that familiar spot between the strap and the smooth back of the instrument.

“Okay, Sir.” The manager nodded and opened the stage door. “You’re on. Have a great set.”

Loki stepped into the warm stage lights and squinted a bit at the shadowed heads in the room. A small applause broke out and there was even some chatter as people wondered where they knew him from.

“Hello,” Loki said into the mic. He sat off centered on a stool and adjusted his guitar on his thigh. “I’ve got a few songs to play for you, tonight, but this first one is for someone who I think is going to be very special to me. I don’t know if-”

One of the spotlights shifted out of his eyes - an accident of the newest staff member at the bar - and Loki spotted a familiar pair of eyes leaning against the bar. She had come. (Y/N) smiled at him from her seat against the counter and Loki could breathe again.

Loki cleared his throat. “I don’t know if it will mean the same to you as it will to her but hopefully you’ll get an idea of just how much she’s changed my perspective.”

He shifted in his seat and took a breath. “This one’s called: Relative.” He shifted once more before beginning the first notes of the serenade.

He sang with his eyes shut, the best way to sing without distractions, even from her. He knew that if he looked up at her, just once, he’d be lost. His hands pinched and pulled on the strings that ran along the neck of his Gibson while he strummed at the bottom.

He sang her words. He sang her views on who is a monster to whom. He sang of her laugh and of her smile. He sang of the ice in the air between them when they almost kissed. He sang of her wit and of her softness. And when he strummed the last chord and finally looked up he, found her again.

The audience applauded but he couldn’t hear it because she had tears in her eyes. Tears he feared he’d caused. But then she moved the hand that had been covering her mouth, to reveal a smile and he returned one. She smiled wider and nodded to him and he knew that she had heard him.

Someone in the crown hollered a praise and he was pulled from her stare. “Thank you.” He said shyly. “Thank you.” He bit his lip briefly and readied himself for the rest of his set. He played five more songs after Relative; Burdened with Glory, Pay Her A Visit, You Have Heart, Subjugation and he finished up with Frost Giant.

The bar applauded and shouted out praises but it was only (Y/N) whom he cared to see. He bowed politely and left the stage.

“Great set, Sir.” The manager said flatly as he looked at his clipboard. “Your next set is at eleven forty-five. So, if you want to grab-”

“I’m afraid I can’t stay for my next set.” Loki said as he placed his Gibson in it’s case, that was now in his dressing room. “I told your boss when I set up this gig that I could only stay for one set and he agreed to those terms.”

The stage manager froze. “Oh, he-” He flipped through some pages. “He didn’t tell me that. I apologize for the mix up.”

“That’s alright. Thank you for your help tonight.” Loki grinned impatiently. He needed to get to her, he needed to touch her and know she was really there. She wouldn’t leave, would she?

“Your welcome, Mr. Odinson.” The manager turned to the door.

“Excuse me?” Loki snapped his head the manager’s way.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. It would seem you have a few fans in the audience and word spread pretty quick that you’re Loki from The Ravens.”

“I know very well who I am.” Loki said frustrated.

“Would you like me to have you escorted out the back? It’s not…nice back there. It’s where we take the trash but it will lead you out to the side street instead of by the front door.”

Loki ran his tongue over his teeth and nodded. “Yes, I suppose that will have to do. But first, I need you to do something for me.”

Waiting. Always, he was waiting. This dressing room smelled like stale perfume and he was itching to leave. His door cracked open and he stood at attention.

(Y/N) appeared into the room with a small smile, followed by the manager.

“Is this her, Sir?” He asked Loki.

“Yes,” He said, almost frozen. “It’s her. Will you give us a moment, please.”

The manager closed the door and Loki fought himself not to rush to her and hold her tight.

“Hello, Loki.” She smiled.

There is was, the voice he had been missing for weeks. He was worried he was going to forget the sound but like a flood her melody rushed into his ears. Loki grinned and extended a hand. She took it and he brought it to his lips. For the second time, his lips touched her flesh and he reveled in it.

“I’m so glad you came.” Loki clenched his jaw to keep his smile from making him look like a fool. Although, he’d be a fool for her. “As promised, Drinks and your travel expenses are on me.”

“I didn’t come for anything but your music.” She said. She hadn’t taken her eyes off of him since she walked in and it made Loki hold a hope.

“I’m a man of my word. I want to pay for you coming out.” He insisted politely.

“I’m not that kind of girl, Loki.” She raised an eye brow at him. “You can’t just buy my time.”

Loki’s eyes widen and he laughed at himself. “No, no. I didn’t mean-”

“I know.” She smiled.

“I really do want to cover your traveling fee’s. I know this was all on short notice and I’m sorry for the inconvenience of that. I just wasn’t sure I’d even be able to get away to do this until a few days ago.”

(Y/N)’s smile softened. “Well, then I suppose you owe me about…” She looked sideways to the ceiling for a moment and then smirked his way. “Twelve dollars.”

Loki’s smile faded into confusion. “I don’t understand.”

She held back a laugh. “I live in Brooklyn. It was only a twenty minute drive from my apartment.”

Loki’s grin spread across his face and he chuckled. (Y/N) laughed and Loki joined her, her sound infectious.

“Well, I still owe you drinks.” He sighed as his picked up his guitar case.

“How about dinner instead?” She asked and bit the side of her bottom lip.

Loki paused in awe of her. She was simply stunning. “Dinner sounds perfect.”

“Good. I know this perfect twenty-four hour diner that serves the best food.” She smiled and took his free hand, opening the door for him.

The manager tried to stifle a grin as he lead them out the back and into the New York night.

The Ravens Tags:

@eyeofdionysus @lauxeyson @riptidethepen @17marvelousfreak @izzy-obwan @bellasett @4theluvofall @jasura @eternalanxious @holding-on-to-francis @ladydork @ex-bookjunky @kiwi71281 @jokesonjess@whatthehellisacastiel @heter-no-sexual @indaybella99 @blacwings-and-bucky-barnes @greenhands5

Forever Tags:

@heismyhunter @sgtbxckybxrnes @pickledmoon @whimsicalrebirth @marvel-lucy @thisisthelilith @james-bionic-barnes @thedreamingowl @poemwriter98@kimistry27 @annie-lujan @buckyandsebsinbin @lilasiannerd @gypsy-storm-15 @cassiopeiassky @earinafae @the-stuttering-kiwi @obsessedwithatwell @shortiiqt16 @shifutheshihtzu @elaacreditava @nikkitia7 @theonewithallthemilkshakes @gallifreyansass @storytellingwanderer @palaiasaurus64 @iamwarrenspeace @engineeringgirlcve @magnolia-wanders @carameldaemoncakes @canumoveyourseatup-no @melconnor2007 @movingonto-betterthings @bxckytrxsh @fantasticmiraclehologram @kapolisradomthoughts @iamwarrenspeace @melconnor2007 @yesiamdeliciouslycaffeinated @mcu-avengerrs @archy3001 @mmauricee @barnesvogue @feelmyroarrrr

@beyondbarnes

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