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cinnamonest · 2 years

Note

welcome back!! i missed seeing your posts ;v; in the last ask i sent about your male majority AU you talked more in depth about the laws in place and a few of the boys + their darlings. i was wondering if you planned to elaborate on the others too? (zhongli, scaramouche, albedo, venti, etc.) and i wanted to ask how you think Ayato would be in this verse? (if you're ok w that!) or just anything you have to add since the last time i popped up in your inbox. i'd love to hear anything at all :>

YES I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

So I recently did Ayato in this post, but yes I have many thoughts of various scattered concepts and topics I'm just gonna compile into one big post here... I still have plenty more and I'll certainly add some with time, but for this post we have: Gorou entry for the AU, plus alternates/some small snippets of ideas for Venti/Zhongli/Scara/Kazuha/Albedo including crossovers with some of my past ideas with goddess!darling for Zhongli, Rhinedottir!darling, and finally shogun/tsaritsa archon reader >:3

//horrendously sexist filth. I continue to feel the need to warn before posts for this AU. My eyes are impure after proofreading this. General dark content, lots of gendered association with body parts/physical traits, menstruation/hormonal cycles

And finally, because I'm always paranoid of random people stumbling upon these, I'll add again this is entirely fictional and I do not approve of any of the behaviors or sentiments described here.

Also see the

(Original Post)

(Second Original Post) (this one is actually longer/more detailed)

(tag for this AU)

For starters, there's a lot of both laws, and standards that aren't laws per se, just... Culturally enforced norms. Both legally and culturally, there are some cultures that are more strict and regulated than others. Liyue is, predictably, regarded as very focused on legality and contracts, forms and papers and strict adherence to a wide variety of laws. Places like Mondstadt, Fontaine, and Sumeru are more regarded as freer places, both for the girls and owners alike, and Snezhnaya and Inazuma are close behind Liyue in terms of legality, but even harsher in cultural norms.

Similar to some purebred horses/dogs and luxury goods, you can get certificates of authenticity when purchasing from a valid, state-sponsored market. If you apply for any kind of government position for an institution like the Qixing or Inazuman commissions, you do need to be able to provide documentation of authentic and legal ownership, but otherwise it varies per place, much like other laws.

Once again predictably, the worst place for this is Liyue. It's actually quite the pain for anyone moving there, because you have to sign and fill out an endless stream of forms proving beyond a doubt that you purchased the girl 100% legally, have certificates of ownership (which is a problem, as some nations don't provide any legal certifications, so you have to go through an even more extensive process to obtain one), and meet standards of care, which is measured by a doctor's evaluation of the girl's health. They make sure there are no signs of ever having had an injury that went untreated, no signs of abuse (punishment marks on the skin are okay, just nothing overboard like fractured bones or anything), ensure she's not underfed or otherwise malnourished, and these days they even implemented psychiatric evaluation. Inazuma has similar laws, but far less extensive on the necessary paperwork (some argue this is due to the resident archon being female herself, so she's a bit more lax despite her usual strict standards...), while Mondstadt and Fontaine and Sumeru don't require a lot, just a basic evaluation, while Snezhnaya and Natlan require virtually nothing -- as long as you keep it restrained, you don't have to have any certificate or anything, they just trust people at their word that it's rightfully theirs, and if not and someone comes looking for their property, it can be dealt with when that situation arises.

Which is something that can happen, of course. Custody disputes are not at all uncommon, both claims to ownership or theft as well as rightful ownership when inheritance is brought into question. The former is more clean-cut, it's usually a case of someone claiming that he is the rightful owner and that person is not, and depending on the nation, processes have to be drawn out to resolve the matter (see, this is why someone from Liyue would argue they have the best system, since these things aren't much of an issue there...). The latter is actually messier, usually having to do with the death of one man leaving behind a widow and the resulting nightmare of a legal battle for custody that ensues. By default, she goes to the firstborn son, but sometimes the father will leave her in his will to a different one, which sometimes does not get revealed until post-death when the will is read, and that never goes over well. Yes, there are lawyers who literally specialize in dealing with this exact situation. Yes, it's a very high-paying job. Otherwise no one would put themselves into something so stressful.

There are some other little noteworthy differences that aren't necessarily laws, but procedural. For example, Inazuma has a lot of what might be considered akin to "mail order brides" -- purchases brought from the mainland directly to the buyer. Being disconnected from the mainland means that Inazuma have a more significant shortage, since all girls are sort of rounded up to be distributed to sellers or public institutions and the like, yet most auctions and markets take place where more crowds are, which is the mainland, and very few actually take place in Inazuma itself. So if you want one, you either have to find the scarce existing Inazuman markets (almost obsolete these days), go to the mainland yourself, or get one shipped to you, the last of which is easiest, as there are agencies that exist to do specifically that.

However, staying true to the nature of the market, said agencies tend to overcharge and make tons of arbitrary fees because they know they can afford to. You can, of course, give some specifications -- any appearance preferences such as hair color or body type or personality and demeanor. Each trait you have "customized" carries additional fees (although, in the spirit of competition, some agencies offer a sort of "first specified trait free", and you only pay if you want other traits specified). Then, they look around for one matching the buyer's preferences, and make a shipment. There's shipping fees too, not to mention import and licensure fees, and you have to pay a massive fee at the International Trade Association, whose inspection the "cargo" legally has to pass through and be approved. All of this ensures that it truly is only the absolute wealthiest of individuals who can afford to go through with this process. The upper ends of middle-class individuals with enough patience can wait for Inazuman auctions, which only occur twice a year or so.

Similarly, the various cultures have different norms and disagreements on how things are done, leading to differing perceptions of each other... Like, men from Inazuma, Liyue, and Snezchnaya tend to think men from other nations, particularly Mondstadt, are kinda... pathetic, to be honest. See, in Mondstadt in particular, a lot of guys are more likely to practice communication rather than corporeal punishment, using words and punishments involving revoking privileges or taking away things they enjoy, to make them understand what they did wrong. The average Inazuman or Snezchnayan man would probably argue a belt to the ass accomplishes that much easier. Not corporeally punishing misbehavior is just... illogical. Why waste time talking, it's not like she's going to get the point that way anyway.

Childe still remembers, on his first ever work trip to Mondstadt, he witnessed some girl making a scene, throwing a tantrum in public. Which was incredibly bizarre -- back home, you wouldn't ever see some girl dare pull a stunt like that, why would this be any different? Don't they understand consequences...? Oddly enough, the guy was just... Talking to her, trying to get her to calm down. Like, not even making any move to drag her away or bend her over his knee or anything! How strange. No wonder she was throwing a tantrum in the first place, these guys don't bother to properly discipline them, so of course they act out. It seems like something so easily fixable, and yet they choose to let her embarrass him like that. So confusing. Well, now that he thinks about it, he remembers seeing some girl misbehave back home... ironically she was a foreigner if he recalls correctly... people here must just be really bad at discipline.

It's something you'd see guys from Liyue/Inazuma/Snezhnaya definitely make guys from Mondstadt/Fontaine the brunt of jokes about -- they stereotype them as pathetic, weak, cowardly men who don't even have proper control over their women. It's both hilarious and astounding, you could catch many an occasion of Fatui soldiers stationed in Mondstadt watching some girl making a scene and snickering to themselves about how one of them should go take her away, since this spineless bastard doesn't deserve her if he can't set her straight... really, hey, maybe one of them should...? They could probably get away with it...

Among other norms like that, in similarly orderly/strict societies, partiularly the aforementioned Inazuma, Liyue, or Snezhnaya, it's sort of unseemly for a girl to be walking around without a leash. Like, if you care about her, of course you'd put her on a leash. Only someone who doesn't have any concern for his belonging's wellbeing would just let her walk around in public without one. She could get distracted and run off and do something stupid, run away from you, or even get snatched up by someone else! And if you need to move in a certain direction and she refuses to comply, pulling her by the neck with a leash is a lot easier than grabbing the arms. If you were to be walking outside without one, it would undoubtedly earn a lot of judgemental glares... and some sleazy figures eyeing you over like maybe they can lure you off... so you see why it's necessary.

This does not spell a great situation for girls getting brought from one place to another, who have a bit too much pride for their own good and are unadjusted to this custom. It's a matter of whether you want to go outside or not... if you want to not be confined to four walls all day, you'll wear the leash, and if you won't wear it, then you're not going anywhere. Too bad, gotta suck it up and deal with it.

Oh, and one more important worldbuilding concept: doctors. Women's health is a specialty medical profession, and it pays very well, so it's a strategic career choice. Of course, all doctors are gonna be male, and their understanding of things is a bit... challenged in regards to accuracy. They tend to address things from a very biased perspective, and wishful thinking, leading to many misconceptions, so the industry as a whole is quite rampant with problems.

"Hysteria" is still a thing people believe in (caused by lack of sex, cured by more sex), and all sorts of behavioral and emotional, even sometimes physical, issues are misattributed to pseudoscientific "hormonal imbalances". The only real known cure or treatment to which is... you can probably guess. If they're too irritable, it's because they have accumulated frustration, which needs to be exerted through rhythmic cathartic motion. If they're depressed, they need activities that involve a lot of heart rate increase and exercise and release of endorphins. Of course, fees for consultations to be told this information are quite pricey, but of course, one's wife's health is of the utmost importance and all.

Likewise, relationship counseling exists, if yours is particularly disagreeable and spiteful... but it's pretty much just a service you pay for to get some guy with a bunch of degrees on the wall to gaslight the poor girl by telling her how much everything is her fault, how sad it is that she's so ungrateful to have someone who loves her so much, and otherwise drill into her head that she is the problem and needs to correct these behaviors. You can also pay to basically have these counselors to convince them of specific things, if said things are proving to be issues: reluctant to breed? They can tell her how it's been studied and proven that having babies leads to exponentially increased happiness in every single case. Psychological issues with sex (which a lot of former public properties tend to have)? Tell her how repetitive sex with one person will make her feel safe and secure. They use big and technical terms and words like "peer-reviewed" and "endorphins" and "catharsis" and a bunch of other terms that no girl has ever been taught to know -- and to her, this man with all these official-looking papers and books is saying all these things with technical language... which means he knows what he's talking about, and is probably correct, right...?

---

Of course, with there being male archons, it makes sense that they have basically their pick of humans. Is it a blessing or a curse -- be be granted immortality, under the condition of serving them for the rest of your existence...? Who can say for sure. Either way, it happened a long time ago, at some point during the archon wars, and the two girls are to this day celebrated as sort of cultural iconic figures, whose existence is debateable, but are heralded as sort of ideal role models and what all girls should strive to be... obedient, loyal, agreeable, submissive... regardless of whether or not that was actually the case... even so, it's something that girls can be socialized into and have shoved down their throats to enforce certain behaviors, and of course that's a good thing.

In Mondstadt, that iconic figure is more of a gentle, free spirit, befitting of the nation's values. The emphasis is more on loyalty, since they do allow for a lot more freedoms and choices. Legend says a long, long time ago, things were a little different, society was more brutal and all (particularly in the case that the sex ratio was not always so imbalanced, but became that way over time through genetic mutations or something) and so they used to have gladiators that were girls (difficult to believe, isn't it? Or so people always say when telling that tale...). One of them helped abolish the system of aristocracy at that time... although unlike perhaps another universe, here no one really remembers her name -- it's not important anyhow. What's important is that, despite being entirely powerless, unable to hold her own in a fight, and failing to accomplish anything at all on her own, the so-called Lionfang Knight gladly accepted help from Barbatos after being imprisoned and forced to fight an unreasonable battle. Because she accepted her incapability and acknowledged a need for help and to stand down and let him take care of it, depending on and trusting him completely, which is a good role model for girls, y'know?

That's what happened... or at least, that's the version of the telling of events that survived. The wife of the anemo archon is said to be fiercely loyal and trusting, never trying to take things into her own hands, but instead fully relying on Barbatos to take care of her situation and, of course, in the end he gets the reward of keeping her. She voluntarily leaped at the chance to repay his deeds for her, so it's said. An ideal story to project onto the impressionable youth populace --

You remember the events a little differently. You told the strange boy to leave you alone, that you could handle it on your own... It went in one ear and out the other, and soon he was beaming ear to ear, clearly incredibly pleased with himself for having presumably indebted you to him and believably impressed you. You regret begrudgingly agreeing to repay him for the rest of your life, not knowing that that would turn out to be essentially eternity, once granted immortality yourself.

The people would probably find it amusing to find out that you still live among them, all that much more that you live in what amounts to a prison cell of an apartment, tiny and cluttered and cheap, barely enough room to move around. The whole reason Mondstadt has no requirement for certification of ownership may or may not have something to do with the fact that Barbatos himself has none -- not his fault though, he got you like, forever ago, long before certification was a thing, and only holds down a place to live out of need to have somewhere to keep you out of sight. It's not easy, you know, he has to sacrifice what would otherwise be wine money for you, but you're worth it... also because if he didn't, you'd likely be snatched up within minutes. He's not exactly the biggest, broadest guy in the world, nor does he have armed guards like many rich guys, and thus walking around with you in public would be kinda like painting a bullseye target on his forehead.

He feels bad, of course, but in this universe it's a lot more normalized, so he doesn't feel half the guilt he might otherwise feel, only a bit of sympathy because you don't get to move around much. Sometimes, at the very least, he takes you outside at night, the two of you roam the countryside of Mondstadt together... it's at least one little ray of light in an otherwise very dreary and mundane life. He's content with it... and judging by the way you're so quiet these days, you must be content too. That's what you're known for, after all... loyalty and love. It would be a shame if you didn't actively display those things for him, wouldn't it?

---

The figure in Liyue is slightly different. Rather than be known for embodying loyalty and trust, she's more known for embodying obedience and acceptance, you know, ideal traits.

It does make you feel sick to your stomach, to occasionally see representations of old tales depicting someone vaguely in your likeness, always portrayed very... well, you know. Your origins are far less special than your next-door neighbor nation's equivalent... just some very unfortunate goddess from a long time ago, name and rulership forgotten to time, seeing as it really no longer matters. The accounts of your life are told as more of a... cautionary tale. To not try and step out of one's proper place and role in life and all that, the idea being that if you do, you'll just end up paying a steep price for it, and just end up forced into place anyway.

Because it wasn't as if you weren't a rarity among deities either, they tend to follow similar populace ratios, although no one is exactly sure where they come from to begin with. You never let that hold you back in any way, especially seeing as you had an advantage of elemental and mystic power that could easily make up for what you may lack in size and raw physical strength, which is, when you think about it, really the primary factor that makes intra-human relations... the way they are. Since you had a way to circumvent that disadvantage, you had more of a sense of capability... and pride. Perhaps a bit too much, particularly when combined with spite and bitterness in the face of the deities that would look down on you.

In hindsight, being cocky and arrogant, talking big and challenging every powerful figure that came your way was probably not the best idea, and bound to end up this way eventually. You pissed off a lot of gods in your time in power, and maybe you should be a bit grateful that the one that took you down was so generous to take you in and correct you of your ways, and continues to be so good to you... that's what Morax tells you, at least. You remember the first time you spoke to him -- you don't remember exactly what you said, just that it was something abrasive and condescending, and vaguely threatening, as you usually did, the point being to invoke a reaction... you remember the unease when he didn't react, merely looked you up and down with a sort of cold disdain. That probably should have been a warning sign, but you insisted on pushing it... and now, all you have to show for your arrogance is the fact that the time Morax defeated and claimed the goddess of such-and-such is a well-circulated tale. It has plenty of different variations depending on who is recalling said legend, getting some details right or wrong, embellishing and exaggerating here or there, but the general account remains the same.

Not that you're not still sorta revered, just in more of a tragic way. For all your power and glory, now the former goddess is supposedly just living a better, albeit in perpetual humiliation, life elsewhere. These days, at a glance, you would be indistinguishable from any other Liyue woman... tucked away in the realm where Morax dwells, separated from other people, but still living a life similar to any other, where you merely live to serve. It took literal decades to fully break your spirit, so to speak, but now, you're like the perfect image of the ideal, by Liyue cultural standards... quiet, only speaking when you know you're allowed to, demure and submissive and always very pleasant. It's even gotten easier and easier as time goes by! Isn't that nice? Each day, the past memories feel further and further away... it's for the better, really.

Sometimes, even now, that old attitude of yours flairs up a bit, you get that fire in your eyes again, forget how to behave... but it's nothing that can't be dealt with. Which it will be, for sure -- Morax stakes a great deal of pride on ensuring you embody the perfect wife by the existing cultural standard, and any deviation from that, any sign of disobedience or arrogance, is swiftly met with consequence.

---

Oh, and on note of the archons -- there's a lot of cognitive dissonance going on there for Snezhnaya and Inazuma. You'd think people would take issue with a female being the literal symbolic and effective head of the entire nation, but perhaps it's just because it's so normalized that no one thinks anything of it. They have a lot of reverence, even, unlike the previous case of Liyue. Perhaps the idea of rarity aligns well with the concept of a deity, so that something exalted and "separated" in the way a deity is, sort of matches the average guy's ideas of femininity, so it actually makes sense to them.

But you'll notice these two archons have something in common... isolation. They stay locked away, secluded and protected in their private dwellings, unlike the archons of Liyue and Mondstadt that roam around amongst their people.

If you didn't know any better, as uptight and prideful as both seem to be, it might almost seem as if their policy of seclusion is maybe, just maybe slightly due to a bit of fear. As if they know how fragile their autonomy is... only a few walls and trusted guardian figures stand between them and hordes of human men, and even with their prowess, who knows, if there was a rebellion or something, if they would actually be able to hold their own... but no, surely they're not afraid of a bunch of humans. Even though some say that the reason the shogun created a replica of herself was partially to act as a stand-in in case of rebellion, so she could get away before they realized they didn't have the "real" one, or that the reason the tsaritsa ensures that all the male harbingers have their own property either prior to or as soon as they join is so that they're satisfied and don't get any ideas about trying something... those are baseless rumors made up to discredit their authority.

Because there have been men who took issue with the matter... you as the current Inazuman archon have, in the past, dueled a few of them who tried their hand at combat with you, a few men either very brave, very stupid, or both, who wanted to claim both your power and yourself as a trophy... such is always the terms of the match they propose, every time without fail. Most ended rather quickly, but one time, just once, there was a human who came very, very close... you were panting and wide-eyed when finally managing to run him through, standing still in shock and even trembling just a bit when you finally looked up and saw all the onlookers sort of staring in disbelief, only to straighten up. What are you staring at? It wasn't a big deal or anything. But for a second there... when it looked like you might actually lose... the jolt of fear that ran through your body was nearly paralyzing.

That dread lingers in your mind for weeks, months even, until one day you have a new challenger... supposedly an acquaintance of the last one, which makes you a tad more confident (and that much more easily able to pretend you're completely confident). After all, this one is smaller, and he'll be in a blind rage over his friend, so easier to defeat... his soft demeanor is unnerving, though.

He doesn't smirk or talk condescendingly, he's not cocky and arrogant... he's got a gentleness to him, almost. It's confusing, it doesn't align with his words, his infuriating words as he lays out his terms, words so infuriating that his audacity is the only reason you accept. That if he wins, he says in that same nauseatingly gentle voice and soft smile, you'll become his, as expected of a terms of agreement... but that first, you'll strip naked and prostrate yourself at his feet in front of the onlooking crowd... alright? He says it in such a sweet voice, calmly and plainly, as if asking for confirmation of something inconsequential and mundane. It fills you with an unbridled fury, even the cockiest of humans in the past were never so brazenly disgustingly perverted and sick in their terms... and it's for that reason you go headfirst into conflict, without calculating any strategy beforehand....

The Snezhnayan tsaritsa has her own problems, of course, just much more... internal.

Having your inner ring of elites be comprised of mostly males has always made you nervous, but what other option is there? You make sure each of them has a toy to keep them satiated. It's a sort of free gift upon being appointed, if they don't already have one at the time of said appointment.

It's a sort of act of recognition, and an incentive to all to work hard, but there's certainly a more practical... self-preservative reason. If they're going to be around you frequently, interacting with you directly, you want to be as assured of your personal safety as possible. For some of them, that underlying reason clearly goes right over their heads, they're just grateful for the gift and don't question it, and for others, you get the sense that they're well-aware. They simply never voice it, there's no reason to say it out loud and risk getting in trouble or something, and it's not like it affect them in any way but positively. You insist on the matter for each.

Except the sixth, the Balladeer... He shrugged off the offer, sort of rolled his eyes, said he had no need and that it was a waste. You pressed a second time, but after that refusal, you decided to just allow it... he seems non-threatening, after all, not someone you'd have to worry about, unlike virtually all of the others... he's less... eccentric? Perhaps you're desensitized to odd and unusual individuals, but you can't help but find him a lot more palatable. They're pretty much all weird in their own way, but his aura is more brooding and calculated -- unnerving for sure, but in a quiet, secretive sort of way, which is quite a welcome break from the more... let's call it "colorful" personalities you have by your side. Either way, you're pretty sure he's too busy thinking on a more grandiose scale of matters to be concerned with what would probably be inconsequential to him.

And you'd be right. He does think in terms of the bigger picture, more long-term goals. That's exactly why he said no to your offer in the first place -- although your wording was actually rather amusing at the time, because you said something along the lines of getting to "pick one of your choice"... but, of course, logically, you clearly didn't intend yourself to be included in that, it's just amusing that you didn't think to say so, he could almost entertain the thought of your reaction if he'd agreed to your terms and demanded you. But of course, he wasn't dumb enough to actually do that, no, but that doesn't make you safe. Seeing you for the first time sparks some sort of.. intrigue. Perhaps a bit of a fixation. Look at you, with all that power, and on what basis? It's a fragile hold, only managed by the establishment of it as "normal" for a long time and the elemental prowess you have, but beneath that, your reign is more or less a house build on sand. He likes power, he likes things that symbolize and represent power... and he likes the thought of either stripping those things of the power they hold, taking them for himself, or both. You're not going to be an exception to that... besides, your very existence in your role is laughable, and someone needs to fix the egregious offense that is you ever being allowed to hold such power in the first place rather than where you belong with the rest of your... kind. Thankfully, all of these things could be easily dealt with with the same few actions.

You can't place it on anything very specific, but something about his presence makes you feel increasingly uneasy, more and more so as the days pass. That's part of why you sent him off to Inazuma in the first place, it was getting to where it made your skin crawl. Even then, when you gave that command, he made a face that made you feel... unnerved. As if irritated, that sort of expression where the eyes narrow and the nose scrunches up slightly... but that's kind of just how he is, you tell yourself. It still remains in your mind for days to come.

And when he never reports back, you label it a case of "missing"... publicly, at least, although you and those others directly beneath you are well-aware it's not only intentional, but likely planned. Yet, somehow, it almost feels relieving that he's gone, even if he took off with something important... right?

So you tell yourself. Yet, as each day passes, you find yourself growing more and more uneasy, like there's something in the back of your mind, some nagging sense of dread. You find yourself jumping and jolting at the slightest of movement out of the corner of your eye, drawing your weapon forth at the slightest of noises, particularly when you're alone. You isolate yourself more than ever, keeping yourself locked away in one tiny, empty little room, refusing to meet with others even. People begin to wonder if something is wrong.

You wouldn't say anything is, either, you're not sure why you're acting this way, why you're so uneasy... so you tell yourself. Yes, you don't know why, you tell yourself. You repeat in your head that you have nothing to worry about, that there is no reason to feel this way. As long as you're isolated, you're safe from the hordes, safe from threats, safe from ending up like the others... safe. You tell yourself you're being neurotic, delusional, paranoid. You wake up with a jolt in the middle of the night, you increase the number of guards that stand outside of your private quarters.

Yes, you're being paranoid... there's no reason to connect these events to any perceived threat to yourself. No logical reason at all... but that just makes it all the more nauseating when you can't shake the feeling of what you've heard humans call a sense of impending doom. No matter how much you isolate yourself, it just seems to get worse and worse, an increasing feeling like you can't breathe, as if some misfortune draws closer and closer with each time your heartrate spikes when you catch a shadow in the corner of your vision.

On another note... similar to the Fatui (in the last post), other armed forces around Teyvat usually will purchase girls in bulk to sort of be used as communal property, with a certain ratio to ensure that all their soldiers or fighters have their needs dealt with, and use this as a recruitment strategy. It certainly helped the resistance gain the bulk of their forces. Something about how if they can overpower some of the high-ranking Inazuman authorities in their private estates and all that, there's a chance someone could claim a few girls here or there... that was enough to convince people to join, at least. Not that it was why you joined, no, you just thought that they would be none the wiser, and being dispatched was a good way to get away from the place you snuck away from. Yes, also akin to the Fatui, there have been a few isolated cases of some girls trying to blend in effectively, to varying degrees of success... it seems to go over well for you at the start. You lag behind, sure, but you like to think it's not too noticeable.

Until you met the general. You felt a creeping sense of dread when you first see him at a distance... you question whether or not he would be an issue. You remember hearing once that dogs can tell males and females apart, even humans, by scent alone... But it's not like you can just run off, no, you're lined up shoulder-to-shoulder, a bit of an orientation of sorts in which you're being addressed by various authority figures and given some instructions, so you can't run away.

You actually have to end up telling yourself that on repeat, when the general stops mid-sentence shortly after an introduction. You see his ears perk up a bit, he makes a bewildered face, pausing and audibly sniffing... it's literally as if the situation were being written for suspense or comedy, it's the sort of scenario you conjure up in your imagination out of panic and tell yourself to calm down because it's unrealistic... except it's actually happening. Your heart is nearly beating out of your chest, you feel like you're about to faint when he turns his head in your general direction... but after a moment, and someone asking if something is wrong, he snaps out of it, says nothing, he just thought he smelled something unusual for a moment, and resumes... from that day onward, you make an intentional, and very dedicated, effort to avoid him at all costs.

It's actually something that makes you paranoid, sometimes sick with anxiety. How far can his sense of scent reach? Do you smell more strongly of whatever it is he can smell on certain days of the month based on hormones or something? You don't want to take your chances, so you give him a wide berth. Of course, inevitably there will still be moments you run into him. In fact, a lot for you specifically. See, he's a very encouraging person, so he likes to help motivate and assist soldiers who are struggling to keep up... which, well, you do quite a lot of. To be honest, you weren't expecting it to be this bad, where you're falling embarrassingly far behind when running laps or completing training courses, visibly struggling to carry the heavy packs your unit was instructed to transport while everyone else has no trouble, and no matter how much you train, it doesn't get better... it's getting to be a bit too much, to the point you worry you might just be outright kicked out, if nothing else.

That's why he's here to help! Since you're, ah, slightly underperforming... just a bit! It's not bad, really, he can tell you're trying your best and that's what matters, but uh... he says he'll help you train. It's actually genuinely very kind of him, to come get you each morning and night to practice when everyone else is resting. He tries to run alongside you out on the open field... he keeps having to stop to let you catch up when he realizes he's gotten too far ahead of you. He tries to get you to carry some heavy loads and packs, even directly lifting weights, but no matter how long it goes on, you... never seem to get any better... he himself remarks how strange it is, normally on this training regimen you should be able to make this specific time and lift this specific amount by now, should be able to move onto the next level of training... it's as if your body is just stunted. How bizarre.

You feel that it's just a matter of time before something happens. One time, as you're sitting quietly by each other post-training, he suddenly leans over, face up against your neck, sniffing in your scent... after a moment, he snaps out of it, jerks his body back upright, ears flat and apologizing, says he doesn't know what got into him for a second there... you just smelled really strange, in a good way... he took your wide horrified eyes as being weirded out rather than terrified, and kept apologizing over and over. One time you encountered him at the wrong time of month and nearly had a heart attack when he said he smelled blood, asking you if something was wrong... you had to make up a story about having killed an animal or something. Another time, when you both managed to end up on laundry duty together, his eyebrows sort of furrowed in confusion when you (very cautiously, and only after ensuring any undergarments were on the bottom of the basket) handed him yours and he, right in front of you, leaned down and once against sniffed it. And once more, he seemed to only catch himself and realize how weird it was a second later, apologizing again... not that that stops him from waiting until you're out of sight, and digging through... why does this smell so nice...? He's not even looking out of suspicion or anything, just the smell gives him some crazed urge to just... he's not sure.

It's kind of amusing, really, how he begins to behave after that incident. It's as if his subconscious brain knows what his conscious brain doesn't, what with the way he begins clinging to you, following you around everywhere, growing so protective of you. Shielding you from criticism, even, from other superiors, who have decided that they'll let your underperformance slide from now on based on the rather intimidating glares they get when they call you out for it. He follows you day and night, always going where you go, even neglecting other responsibilities to be near you.

And he always smells you. At least once a day, he'll put his face close to your neck, inhale deeply, and then sort of act like it didn't happen, it's actually rather weird... and then he starts doing it twice a day. Then several times a day. His gaze tilts downward as he does, you try to convince yourself he's not directly looking at the spot between your thighs,and more importantly, that you can't see the very clearly defined bulge in between his own. Unfortunately, though, you grow a bit used to it... you start to forget to have the same amount of caution you did before.

It's not until you're stationed together overnight for some regular vigilance exercise that he finally acknowledges it. Do you wear some sort of cologne or something? Something makes you smell very strongly, all the time... not that it's bad, he likes it a lot... some smell he's never smelled anywhere else... he could just bury his face in it and stay like that for hours... It makes him feel strange, like his heart is beating really fast and hard, and he has no idea why... hey, why are you backing away like that...? He just wants to smell you, that's all... his pupils get really big, he sort of walks towards you with a strange look to his eyes, and you feel your stomach twist when your back hits the corner of the wall. He's so close, his face is right up against yours. You just smell so nice. It's nicer on some days than others, makes him feel more hot, more excited, more of that tight, pressured feeling inside. Hey, just to help him figure out what it is, maybe if you take your clothes off, he can find out what the smell is...

At least he's too "out of it" to really show any verbal reaction... he doesn't say much at all the whole time, neither words of confusion or surprise, nor responding to your little pleas... just acting upon what comes naturally, both in the heat of the moment, and the instinct to keep you safe and secured for good... far away from the hands of anyone else. Lots of bite marks all over your neck and your shoulders, dragging you off back to a personal and private dwelling in the quiet of the night once you've passed out. For someone who has never been taught or anything, he seems to have no issue figuring out where to stuff his cock.

Amusingly, the only way he ever really... addresses the obvious, later on after you awaken and from thereon out, is with concern. The revelation actually doesn't seem to faze him much at all -- perhaps the subconscious and instinctive part of his brain already processed it so long ago, the conscious realization is much easier to accept without a lot of shock, so he adjusts very quickly. He never accuses you of doing anything wrong or makes fun of you or anything, he's just very worried to make sure you're alright!! You're not hurting are you? Do you need anything?

You should have been more careful... someone could have done something really bad to you! He just thinks maybe you didn't know how things are, yeah, that makes sense to him, somehow. Thankfully, he got to you before someone else could... if anyone else found you out, they could have harmed you somehow. Whereas he'll just keep you safe and tucked away... and bred.

And finally, please consider: a crossing over between this AU and Rhinedottir!Darling... Consider a creator that somehow managed to flee whatever situation you fell into by default, and isolated yourself from the world. Fled from the inevitable fate of being a toy for some guy to use. You wanted nothing more than to use the intellect and passion for academics that they forcibly suppressed all your life, instead forcing you into mere servitude. If that was the only life society would allow... Then you'd leave society, to pursue your actual passion.

When that finally culminated in the creation of a human being, you were... hesitant. There was one rather big decision to make, a glaring issue. If you made a girl, you would inherently be putting her at risk... you couldn't bring yourself to do that, endanger another person. But if you made a boy, well... no, actually, it would be okay, right? Because you were rather isolated from society, you would be the primary influence on his life, so he'd turn out fine, wouldn't he?

You considered it proof of nurture over nature, really, because he did turn out very sweet to you. It's a testament, you think to yourself, that they're not naturally like that, that it's a learned behavior, the result of scarcity and the culture created by that scarcity that the society you left was the way that it is. He's even respectful to you, obeys you... it's quite the satisfying feeling, makes you feel a little spark of pride every time you can give a command and it gets obeyed, as if you're getting one up on all the men you were forced to obey in your lifetime, as petty and childish as you know that that satisfaction is, you indulge in the feeling nonetheless.

For a while, you're very careful to ensure he never interacts with others, aside from the occasional merchant you meet on the road (in which case, you always quickly make up something about needing to grab this or that, ask him to handle the conversation for you). Of course, you eventually utilize him for obtaining resources. Rather than having to scrape by for materials, it would be so much easier to send him into the city and get him to pick up supplies and materials. You figure it won't hurt... he's not very social, so he'll just get in and out of the city as quickly as possible, you assume.

And he does. The trips never take long, and he never questions why you always send him to do it.

He does question something else, though. You suppose it was inevitable. He's undoubtedly familiar with the concept itself -- you never really went into detail on humans, but he's seen sex dichotomy in animals, and read enough books on human anatomy to know. It makes you stiffen in place and stop your work when he one day asks out of the blue. Why you're the only one like you he's ever met. Why he can find female animals of all kinds everywhere, but you're the only human one he's ever seen. Where all the others are. You decide the best approach is blunt honesty -- you say there's just not a lot. Some animals are like that too, you add. It's not a big deal, you say.

And then, he asks another question -- is that why we stay out here, away from everyone else? And you... merely answer in the affirmative, a muttered reply, making your voice sound annoyed and frustrated, as if it is a trivial matter, something you won't waste time discussing. He seems to accept that much, and doesn't inquire further.

Until he comes back one day with a new experience to tell you about. He just says it quietly, a very matter-of-fact tone, as if saying something inconsequential, unimportant. That he saw someone that was like you... but she was being dragged around on a collar and leash. You're not sure if the way you wince at that part was noticeable or not.

Not that it matters, because even if it wasn't, you can't help but outwardly react to what he says next.

If you want, I could get you one of those, and then we could go into the town if you want.

He motions to his neck as he speaks, smiling gently as if it's something normal, reasonable. His smile only falls when he sees your expression, somewhere between shock and disgust. He starts to apologize, but you storm off before he can, snarling about how you're not an animal. He does feel bad, really, he just thought that since it seems to be what's normal, it wouldn't upset you... but in hindsight, he realizes that disliking the way society is run is probably part of why you left it to begin with. He just thought... the idea of it was nice. Seeing that guy walk around in the middle of the town with that girl on the leash was somewhat... it made him feel something strange... maybe envy. Made him picture himself in the same position in his head, but with you, and that thought was very pleasant. Unfortunately you don't seem to agree.

Of course, as time goes on, he becomes more and more and more aware of the complexities of society... and comes to fully understand exactly what your situation is, can put two and two together and deduce that you certainly ran away from someone else. Someone else -- that thought is... irritating, to think you were once considered the belonging of someone... someone not him, that is, not so much the concept itself. Really, although he doesn't voice it to you, he thinks it really does make sense, to be honest -- isn't that the law of nature, that weaker, smaller things will be ruled over by bigger, stronger things? And that things that are rare will inevitably be coveted and protected? He can understand why you wouldn't like that, of course, but it does undeniably make for a more beneficial society, from an objective point of view... although he likes to tell himself that, hey, he's out here alone with you, so technically, it's kind of like being an owner, right...? Just, you know, minus the sex and obedience and all the other benefits...

You begin to feel less and less at ease, the more you notice him becoming less patient. Seemingly less quick to do whatever you ask. Challenges your decisions more. Sometimes you can feel his eyes on you as you work, an unprecedented intensity. You're starting to think maybe going into civilization is having a negative effect on him... No, no. You tell yourself it's just something he has to process in his head, one of those development stages where he's just having to confront some new discovery about the world, which all people go through quite a bit... you're sure it'll be fine in the long run... although if it gets worse, you may just send him away somewhere else and try to disappear. Yeah... that's a good plan.

#.mmau #lena's asks #.miso

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sdwolfpup · 1 year

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I'd love to know more about the dog show wip or Love is Blind AU! <3

The dog show WIP is one of my favorites that I don't think I'm ever gonna finish. 😂 It's where Jaime and Brienne are both dog handlers who show their purebred dogs, and they end up having to share a hotel room ~for reasons~ at this really important dog show. I've gotten stopped up on it because I couldn't quite pin down some of the emotional beats well enough to feel comfortable continuing it. I've got about 5k of the fic but if I were gonna finish it, I think I'd chop off the last 1k and rewrite from there.

They set up the room for the dogs: bowls of water in opposite corners when Rohanne growled at Dunc for getting too near; a small meal to keep their dogs happy; and comfort toys and blankets strategically placed. Dunc seemed surprised every time he turned around and saw Rohanne there, while she kept a watchful eye out for him at all times, warning him whenever he edged within her prescribed safe zone.

“Isn't she dog-friendly?” Brienne asked when Dunc dragged his rope toy too near Rohanne and she lifted her head and curled her lip.

Jaime looked up from where he was flipping through the room service menu. “She's fine in public, but this is her private space. She hates strangers being in her private space. Just like her owner.” He flashed Brienne a quick grin.

“Oh.” She looked down at the suit she was carefully ironing for tomorrow. “We really can go find a room somewhere else,” she told her shirt. “You don't have to do this.”

“You're not a stranger,” Jaime said in an unexpectedly soft voice, but when she looked over her shoulder, he was staring at the menu again, his back mostly to her. “We should order food soon, it's going to be a madhouse tonight.”

Had his shoulders always been that broad? Or was it just the crisp line of his button-up shirt stretching tautly along them that made them look that way? The white fabric made his skin look even more golden, like his heart pumped sunlight, not blood. Brienne stared at the exposed nape of his neck long enough that she nearly burned her shirt with the iron.

#endless wips ask meme #angelowl-fics #asks answered #my fic

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alister312 · 2 years

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gregstophe for 26-29!!

Hopped onto my computer to type this because typing it all out in the notes app on my phone is gonna take too long. Because I know I am about to go crazy being insane :)

26. Do they have any pets or kids?

I’ve got extensive thoughts about their domestic life actually, various and many contradicting ones. For starters, in an old RP I had that definitely served as a basis for many of my headcanons I have for them, the two of them actually had a dog and they had two kids. The dog was a beagle and came from Gregory wanting to help Christophe get over his fear of the animal. I definitely still see this as a possibility, though these days I definitely lean more towards vaguely tolerating a pet if he and Gregory were to get one. Christophe is an animal lover, but I don’t think he trusts himself to be a good pet owner. He’d much rather pet sit or go volunteer at a shelter. And he does do those things, maybe even gets involved in fostering some kittens from time to time. Gregory probably wouldn’t actually want a pet of any kind. He likes the idea of a dog or cat (purebred of some kind), but his and Christophe’s lifestyles don’t leave a lot of room for taking proper care of a pet. Even if they’re not mercenaries, I imagine Gregory works long hours at an office and goes on lots of business trips.

On kids, as I said in that RP, the two of them had two kids, who were kids they adopted after offing their parents as part of a job. I still really like this idea actually, because while I think they’d both make excellent dads, they’d never take the time to go through the adoption process because they both have lots of hang ups about their own parents. They would have to be forced into the position of having a kid, but once they did, they’d be the best dads, willing to do whatever it takes for their child(ren) to succeed and be happy in whatever they want to do.

27. Who would propose? What would their wedding be like?

This is hard to say, because I think it really depends on the situation. On one hand, I love imagining that most of their most significant moments happen in the wake of something terrible, mostly because I think they both need to be pushed so hard to actually make things happen for each other. They’re both so guarded about everything. In this instance, I think it would be Christophe who would propose because if he almost lost Gregory or vice versa, he’d kick and curse himself if he didn’t make his feelings known. If their lives have a little less life threatening happening, I imagine Gregory would accidentally propose, in the sense that he’d propose the idea of proposal to Christophe, who would be so shocked he’d immediately accept and consider them already engaged, which irks Gregory a bit because he wanted the moment to be a bit more… momentous but like hell he’s going to take back the proposal. Their wedding, no matter their life situation, would be a small thing. Christophe would hate anything huge and Gregory, while he likes the idea of planning a big party, actually does prefer the day be very much just about him and Christophe. I think they’d fight about where to have it— Gregory wants a church, Christophe would rather die. They compromise by having it in chapel and Damien conducts the ceremony.

28. What’s something that reminds them of their partner? Do they have anything on them daily as a reminder?

I sort of answered this in an earlier ask, but to reiterate just a little bit, I really love the thought of them having matching watches. It’s a very practical gift, something they both appreciate, but it also looks nice (which is a plus for Gregory). Maybe there’s even an inscription on the back of the watch, something super simple. And, I’ll admit, much of my love of the idea of them and watches comes from “The Well and the Lighthouse”, in which Christophe gifts Gregory a pocket watch that once belonged to his father and tells him to pretend that the ticking is his heartbeat when they’re going to be separated. There is so much from that fic that has stuck with me, but that idea in particular is so heartwrenching and sweet.

29. What is something they can never agree on? How do they meet in the middle?

Oh man, there are SO many things they can never agree on. They oscillate wildly between being completely in sync vs completely opposed. So often it’s small things, though, that they’re opposed on. For instance, what is considered a “clean” room vs what is messy (if you can still walk through the room, it’s clean in Christophe’s opinion; Gregory wants to strangle him about this). The one big thing I think they can never agree on, though, is religion. So many of Gregory’s morals are tied up in Christian truths and beliefs, so much of Christophe’s trauma is tied up in perceived inability to conform to Christian truths and beliefs. While I don’t think Gregory is a crazy dedicated Christian (probably more of a Christmas and Easter churchgoer), he feels awkward during Christophe’s god-hating rants. It’s a subject the two of them just try to avoid with each other. Gregory doesn’t stop Christophe when he wants to go let off steam by doing blasphemy with Damien. Christophe puts in extra effort to remind himself that Gregory’s interpretation of God is different from his mothers. It’s hard but they try.

#thank u ella for enabling my insanity! remind me to send u some funny stuff I have regarding the first question later also #gregstophe #sp headcanons #sp ships

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delphiniumarchangelmoon · 1 month

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Advice from someone who just turned 25

Advice from someone who just turned 25 (I don’t know why I’m putting a second header but smart people on this site retype their titles so I’m not gonna question it)

You can Pavlov yourself into doing chores you usually hate by buying a record player + some good albums and putting them on every time you need to do that thing. It’s how I escaped the Laundry Curse

In that same vein: physical media. Buy physical media. Or steal it, fuck if I care. But have physical books, music, photos, etc. cause while yes, putting shit on a usb is convenient as hell (my family hard usbs with decades of music) they’re also really easy to lose. I hope whoever found my fanfiction usb I lost in college had fun reading my dumbass shit.

2 things it’s always worth splurging on are sunscreen and shoes. Don’t buy cheap sunscreen cause it’ll probably break you out and don’t buy cheap shoes cause they take more of a beating than any item you wear so they need to last.

Don’t wait until your body starts to hurt to take care of it. Stretch before bed, make sure to get done light exercise a couple times a week at minimum, etc. I have two grandmothers, both 85 years old, one does all of her gardening and spends all her free time traveling the country in a motorhome with the young guy (well like 65 years old, young for her) she started dating after divorcing my grandpa. The other? Nearly immobile, has had multiple strokes, barely a full person anymore. They both worked demanding jobs and had several children, they lived less than 30 minutes from each other. The only difference is one took care of herself when she was young and kept active.

I understand that we’re all poor but listen to me. Listen. If you’re going to eat the skin of a fruit, buy organic. If you’re gonna peel it and discard the peel, buy what you can afford. And don’t take this as an excuse to not eat any fruit goddamnit just eat the fucking banana.

People suck, there’s no getting around that. And sometimes you have to put up with your best friend being completely fucking irrational about their ex boyfriend and just suck it up. And sometimes you have to let your other friend play T*ylor Sw*ft in the fucking car and talk about gacha games. I guarantee you do something that annoys them just as much and they love you anyway. Have boundaries, but make sure they’re good ones. Don’t drop good friends because they have bad music taste.

Most people shouldn’t have pets. I did not say most people don’t deserve pets, frankly the vast majority DO deserve pets, pets are great and I wish everyone could have them. But it’s also really fucking expensive. And if you can’t reasonably pay for a dog’s vet bill, or can’t buy food that actually needs their nutritional needs, don’t get a fucking dog! Every time e I see someone say they’re living paycheck to paycheck, barely able to pay their bills, and then they just get a FUVKING PUREBRED LABRADOR PUPPY???? It makes my blood boil.

Shut the fuck up about your eating habits no one fucking cares if you’re vegan

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aquarianlights · 9 months

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Did you ever do the DNA test on Echo?

No, as I don't have enough for an Embark. 😭 I have been DYING to do it. So badly. Moreso now than I ever have been... Since all these health problems arose and his 10th birthday is on the 17th, it makes me scared I will never get the $ to get an embark before he dies & I don't think it's possible to test after death. All I would have is his ashes, paw print stamp and some fur anyways. Kinda hoping to get a canine tooth of his or maybe both, but idk if I'm gonna genuinely do that yet. All I know FOR SURE is want some tail fur, feet fur and ear fur, a paw print stamp and his ashes. I'd LIKE a canine tooth & a nose print stamp, but it's okay if that doesn't happen.

I want to send the embark in without a picture and without telling them any breeds so there's no chance for bias at all.

Embark is the most accurate out of everything out there, but like with every other DNA kit it only goes back 3 generations. So if he does BY SOME MIRACLE come back 100% pomeranian, I'd be SHOCKED coz that means the mix was further back than three gens and probably WAY further back considering the phenotypes of his littermates and the dam and sire.

I am betting there is Mittelspitz mixed in, but that would be so odd unless his line is an import. Coz it is EXTREMELY difficult to get a Mittelspitz in the US. There are only a couple breeders in the whole country and the Mittelspitz community in America is VERY tight knit. Mittelspitz usually come to America via imports as they are not typically seen in the US naturally or by breeding. The breeding that is happening is only preservation breeding because the community is that small. There's no bybs in Mittelspitz that I know of in America and I have heard breeders outside the US are very selective of what Americans they will sell their dogs to. So it'd be SUPER odd for him to have Mittelspitz mixed in but it's the only thing that makes sense to me. He is the size. His coat texture, colouring and markings are more Mittelspitz than pom. His conformation is much more Mittelspitz. But his temperament and biddability is Pomeranian to a t.

I only know so much about Mittelspitz coz I want to get into them SO badly coz after having Echo, who is 20 lbs at a healthy pet weight, I just don't want to get a pom-sized dog. They're so tiny. And I LOVE that. At least, I DID. But after experiencing a spitz that is 20 lbs, give or take, I have found my perfect size. And finding out what he is mixed with could help me figure out what purebred to look into next. I normally wouldn't stray out of spitzes unless it was a papillion, but if he is mixed with something non-spitz, that would make me pause and look at that breed for a few years to see what they're like to see if I should add them to the list.

Most of all, I am just sad that he is turning 10 and I haven't been able to do it yet. :/ Ik a lot of furmoms always say stuff like, "I don't care what he is! I love him so it doesn't matter! He is loved so that's what is best!" as if they are personally offended, implying that people who DNA test their supposed purebreds don't love them, but I just don't understand that POV coz it's quite the opposite for me.

Knowing what breeds he is will help me with understanding him better regarding his body language and verbal signals, it will help me with his training and will help me develop a deeper bond with him.

Just because my dog is byb/not well bred and I want to find out what is in him doesn't change how I feel about him or how much I love him. It never would. If it did, it would only make me love him more as I would be able to understand him on a much deeper level. So I just don't understand why furmoms get *so* offended when DNA tests get brought up.

Anyways uh...

I know that was a yes or no question. Sorry... if you have me as a friend on fb or knew me in my early tumblr days, then you know how verbose and tangent-orientdd I am lol. 🤦🏼 Someone could say "hi" and I'd write 5 paragraphs lmao.

Ik you didn't come here to hear me ramble on about my dogs phenotype and his pedigree and so on and so forth so uh...

TL;DR: No. 😅

#thank you for asking though #at least someone is listening to me...#well #ik three people here are listening to me #they're in my inbox #i just haven't responded but I appreciate all three of them more than they know #and if this is one of you three...#thank you #this made me smile simply for the fact that it feels like SOMEONE is listening to me scream into the void...#i just feel so alone lately #not when I'm with echo #but it is SO hot that we cant exist outdoors #not with echos heart lung and tracheal conditions and double coat #and not with my photosensitive autoimmune condition #so we are trapped inside and it is like quarantine all over again but AWFUL #i loved quarantine coz.i lived alone with echo #so many other things too but i wont get into that #but now we are unfortunately living in my parents guest bedroom against our will... so it's like being captive while being stressed all the #time for absolutely no reason bc of someone else who has no reason to torture you like they do #it's fucking miserable... and I just want my life back #i want our life back...#i was SO happy living on my own and echo was THRIVING #we have both regressed so far bc of mu parents and it couldn't have happened any other way... i just dk why they have to be so attack-y #im just tired... of being alive #but i will never do anything with echo still alive coz he needs me #cardiology appt for him in oct and ik he is scared every night... im probably more scared than him tbh #im not sleeping coz im up watching him breathe every night #i just love him so much.... more than words or actions can convey... and idk what to do with those feelings except die when he dies #i need another dog to bond to before he dies but i could never afford the vet bills associated with a new dog #adding another dog wouldn't be a problem but it's the upkeep in vet bills and grooming that would be a problem and i would never skimp on it

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wildernessuntothemselves · 3 years

Text

All my kitty!lino AUs

Warnings: prostitution, slavery.

AU 1:

minho is a prized breeding kitty that you're hired to guard as he is a very rare and pure breed and having him breed other pure kitties makes for very profitable offspring

as a result of being treated like royalty all his life, he's super rude to you, a common guard dog

he's always snarky with you and he never listens and you have enough of it one day

you push him down to the floor, your teeth grazing against his delicate neck, showing him that you were not someone to be trampled on

"that's right. you have nothing to say now, brat." you growl, sitting up to look at the frightened kitty

but as you sit back, your ass comes into contact with his boner

arching an eyebrow, you smirk and roll your hips over his clothed dick "now what do we have here?"

minho stays silent, frowning but not making any attempt to push you off

"don't tell me you like this." you tease him, grinding against him harder and pulling breathy little moans from his pouty lips "kitty likes it when I'm mean to him?"

"Yeah you like that pretty kitty? Are you gonna make a mess in your pants for me? Good boy."

you make him cum like that without even touching his dick

minho is shameless after that brazenly getting on your nerves so you'd punish him

he gets so needy that now you're getting him off on the daily, letting him hump your thighs to get off while you degrade him

his insatiable need would be bad enough but now he's outright refusing to breed the cat hybrids anymore

no matter how many times you try to convince the stubborn idiot that he's going to draw attention and ruin you both, he still refuses

until finally you make a deal with him that you'll have sex with him if he continues breeding the cats

he's not fully convinced. why would he waste his seed on other women when you were right there?

"because I'm not your kind, you stupid cat."

but minho doesn't care. all he cares about is getting to breed you

"Fuck you're burning up. Are you going into heat over this? Dumb little kitten thinks he can put babies in my belly."

your words only make him fuck you harder as if he could do it if he tried hard enough

AU 2:

he's the prince's very picky kitty, rarely is a cat good enough for him. he rarely mates at all and the prince doesn't understand it one bit

one day they're walking around shopping in the bazaar when lino catches a whiff of your scent. he follows it to a shady part of the market that he never saw before

that's when he sees you standing there with a heavy chair around your neck and a cheap transparent dress over your body

out of nowhere a short disgusting man appear and he asks him if he wants to see your tits. it's only for a couple of coins

minho shouldn’t say yes. He has a whole harem of much better bred pussies for him to pick and choose from. He didn’t need to pay a disgusting man to see the body of some nameless mongrel

yet here he was hanging the slimey man the coins

the man all but rips your bodice open, eager to please the rich hybrid.

Minho feels an uncomfortable tightness in his pants. His mouth waters at the sight of your full breasts on display for him and he finds himself moving forward to touch, but the man steps in.

“The silver was to see not to touch. Three if you want to touch.”

Minho grunts and gives him what he wants. you don't seem impressed by him.

He cradles your breasts in his hands and leans down to pluck a pert nipple into his mouth, ear perked to the sound of your restrained gasp.

but then he hears the prince calling for him and he rips himself away from you and wipes his mouth harshly, panting as if he was under a spell.

Gulping, he spares your half naked form one last glance before he’s retreating towards his owner. As he slips back into the main room he hears the vendor call after him smugly, “We’ll be waiting for you, my lord.”

He does come back, this time more worked up than last time as he couldn't go to sleep thinking about you and he was reduced to getting himself off multiple time throughout the night just to cool down

his owner catches him this time though. "So this is why you were so eager to come back even though you hate the market. I gotta say I'm surprised by your taste." The prince grins. "Did you mount her yet?"

Minho blanches, feeling humiliated at being caught "of course not. I would never defile myself with such a mongrel."

The prince arches an eyebrow. "It's okay minho. Sometimes you need to slum it down a little. I get that urge too. Cheap prostitutes like her have their draw."

The prince grabs you and pushes her over a table, pulling your skirt up. "Come on kitty. Take her. I know you're dying to."

minho's hesitation evaporate when he sees your pussy exposed and waiting for him. he quickly comes up beind you, pushing his length into you even though you weren't wet. it's uncomfortable but it's not the first time a man shoves his dick into your pussy without bothering to get you wet

it's over soon anyway, the spoiled cat getting overwhelmed by your tight walls and ends up cumming embarrassingly fast. He stumbles away, watching his cum drip from your fucked out hole.

"We'll take her."

Minho looks at him shocked. "I finally have something for my precious pet to fuck. You're so picky."

AU 3:

You were standing outside the gymnasium for a quick smoke when a voice slurs behind you. "Where is your little boyfriend?"

You roll your eyes, already fed up with the boy that is talking to you.

"What, he couldn't stand the thought of fucking you tonight so he ran away?"

You narrow your eyes at him. How did he know you were planning to give your virginity to your Hyunjin tonight? If he had shown up that is.

You don't even know what minho's deal is. He wasn't always like this. You remember a time long, long ago when the two of you were friends. He was so nice and sweet to you when you first met as kids. But then suddenly out of nowhere he turned on you for absolutely no reason.

"Tell me, mutt. What was he gonna give you so he could get between your legs? A pack of cigarettes?" Oh yeah, that’s why. He looks down on you for not being a purebred like him.

You huff the smoke in his face in agitation, still ignoring him.

"Aw, don't be sad. If he won't do it, I can rise to the occasion. Just tell me how much." He goads you. You throw the cigarette to the ground, violently snuffing it out with your heels when an idea pops into your head.

Looking up at him, you reply simply. "50k."

"W-what?"

"You're so fucking obsessed with my sex life so you must really want me. So yeah I'll give it to you for 50k."

"You're a crazy bitch."

you were just messing with him. and he worked. he left you alone

what you never expected was for him to show up the next day at your door, shoving a heavy suitcase into your arms

"what's this?"

"50k." He mumbles.

“Is this a joke?”

“You said you’d give it to me for 50k.” He explains flatly, looking everywhere except at you.

you walk towards him. "You really are a sick pervert, aren't you? Buying my virginity?"

He stays silent, looking at the ground so you grab his jaw and force him to look at you.

"You're not in control. I am. Got it?" You sneer, and he stares for a second, processing that you’re actually agreeing to go through with this, then he nods enthusiastically.

AU 4:

you're a dog hybrid and he's a cat hybrid. He's been kissing you secretly since long ago

You know it's wrong but you like it so you keep it a secret. and you always get so jealous when his heat comes and he goes away to fuck someone else.

When he comes back he's apologetic and spends days trying to make you forgive him. He shouldn't have to. He's not yours.

You touch yourself while you're sleeping next to him a lot. He pretends he doesn't know but it drives him insane

He's waits till you have your first heat. You're supposed to be given to chan but he convinces you not to let your owner know telling you he'll take care of you

You know this is forbidden but you let him fuck you because you're in love with him.

"Oppa this is too much."

"Shh baby take it. You've teased me long enough."

He cums in you but doesn't pull out so he can fuck you more. He's been training himself for this in order to satisfy you.

You get overwhelmed and he laughs at how cute you are. ask him to kiss you so he does

"What a cutie. All mine."

"Open your mouth." He lets a trail of spit fall from his mouth and you obediently open up and take it like you've been taught. He groans and kisses you softly. You whine in his mouth as he fucks you again.

"Not gonna go to that mutt right baby? Only I get to do this to you."

AU 5:

he's the queens pet and you're the leader of a mercenary group the queen has hired to fight a battle for her

he immediately takes an interest in you and follows you around thinking that he's slick

In the beginning, his infatuation was merely amusing to you as you took to teasing him whenever you got the chance--cornering him when the princess wasn't looking and whispering filthy things in his ear. It was both easy and fun to work up the needy kitten.

What you hadn’t expected was for him to walk in on you while you were fucking one of your own hybrids, Chan. The big wolf tended to get rowdy so you were often rough with him to keep him under control, and well that's how the masochistic hybrid liked it too.

You expected him to be terrified of you after that, he certainly looked the part, but he surprised you by coming to you teary eyes and whimpering pleas so moving that you couldn’t resist giving him whatever he asked for, which was badly worded and clueless seeing as he had never been in any kind of physical relationship before.

He’s never done something like this before. His owner, the queen, kept him on a tight leash, untouched and forever pure. He had been taking suppressants ever since his very first heat and, before he met you, he had barely remembered what it was like to feel that painfully delicious pang of pleasure in his belly.

He holds onto you as you pleasure him, one hand fisted in your clothes and the other wrapped around your wrist as if he was afraid you were going to hurt him. If you were to look at his expression, you would think that you were hurting him, a small frown on his face as he whines and whimpers.

You stroke his cheek softly with the back of your fingers, finding it hot to the touch. “What is it, kitten?”

“It hurts.” He sobs.

“I know, baby. I’ll make it go away.” You almost feel guilty for purposefully prolonging his pain, the stimulation you give his cock designed to make him reach the edge at the slowest possible pace, but the truth is you weren’t sorry at all.

“You know, kitten, you should come with me when I leave. I’ll hide you until we’re out of the castle walls. Your princess won’t even realize you’re missing until it’s too late, and when you’re with me, every moment will be filled with pleasure. I’ll take care of you like she never did. I’ll show you a whole world of pleasure. How does that sound, kitty?” You seduce as your thumb flits over his weeping slit, distracting him and seducing him. “Hmm, you wanna come with me?”

“I--I’m not--I don’t know.” He answers nervously, his brain too hazy especially as you finally speed up your strokes, jumbling up all his thought process.

“Don’t think too much, kitten. Don’t you want to feel good?” You purr, tightening your fist around his cock to give him more pleasure.

“Yes, but--”

“No buts, darling. Don’t you wanna be a good kitten for Master?” You ask, referring to yourself and he gasps, his cock jumps in your hand. “Yeah, you like that, don’t you? You’re a dirty little kitten, aren’t you?”

“No!” He cries, shaking his head from side to side, but there is no denying the way his stomach tightens and his hips buck off the bed as his orgasm approaches and his primal senses take over. “I can’t take it! Please, help me. I can’t--”

His seed splatters across his abdomen as he cums, and you talk him through it. “That’s it, baby. Let go for me. Let it all out. Good kitten.”

you ruin him so thoroughly that he gives into her and lets her fuck him in front of the queen herself

"Lino stop that! You sound like a common whore."

"I can't help it. Mistress… is making me burn up." "Ah fuck." He keens

"Your precious kitten is getting fucked regularly, that’s why he sounds like that. He’s nothing but a loose slut right now. I fucking ruined him. Isn’t that right, kitten?"

"Hah... touch my cock." He drools on the sheets under him and you laugh, grabbing his cock from underneath and starting to milk him. “See? Just a dumb slut.”

___________

A/N: one of these will most likely get a proper fic but I couldn’t keep these to myself

#stray kids smut #minho smut #sub!idol #dom!reader #sub!reader

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toxycodone · 3 years

Note

I DO!!! GOD HYBRID AU IS MAKING ME FERAL 😩 LETS START WITH KARASUNO AND SEIJOH FIRST. What’s the hybrids of each members of the schools 👀 also yes lemme join you salivating at the thought of puppy shoyou

OOO okay I’m gonna preface this by in my AU I think that society is split between hybrids and pure humans?? And any hybrid that wants to be in regular society has to have a human owner basically (this makes the human responsible if the hybrid acts out). Also depending on the hybrid’s species, they’re meant for different purposes. (Like dog boys are usually for companionship, bunnies for sex, etc. It’s a flawed society...kiiinda similar to beastars?)

So there are also “feral” hybrids which are technically illegal that live in the woods and stuff too. They don’t wanna be governed so they avoid it at all costs.

Hybrids can disguise themselves as humans though by covering up their ears/tails/etc. but something that won’t go away are scents (which usually are only detectable by other hybrids unless one is in heat). ofc in cities their are hybrids whose purpose is to hunt down those that are disguised and lacking an owner.

Also I wanna say hybrids have an innate desire to want to submit to humans...? Or maybe like humans developed some drug/tech/etc that makes them want to submit...humans are lowkey evil but I love the idea of shock collars and stuff like that

SO. I only have a few ideas rn but for any of the characters I don’t have ideas for I would love to talk abt them 🥺

Karasuno

hinata is a puppy boy!! he comes from a long line of them meant for companionship :) he’s a little on the smaller side but he doesn’t mind.

Noya is also a puppy boy, he’s got some feral dna (like, wild dog) which explains the blonde patches of fur on him. a bit of a handful, but worth the trouble.

Tanaka is a dog boy, he was meant for personal protection but he gets really attached to his owner...like, really. he’ll do anything for you to pet him

Suga is a bunny boy...I think his lineage was initially for companionship but as society got more focused on exploiting hybrids for cash they introduced some of the sex bunny dna...he tends to hide this abt himself bc it can be overwhelming

Yamaguchi is a rabbit boy, he’s different from suga bc his lineage is still wild, but Yama himself is only a little feral. he is in between the outskirts and the city (he disguises himself as a human).

And tsukki?? Catboy?? I think he’s feral bc he hates the idea of anyone owning him so he tries to stay away from everything. Yamaguchi and him are still close friends

Seijoh

OIKAWA...I KNOW THIS MAN IS A PUREBRED SEX BUNNY...but he’s so exclusive he like is only used for breeding, and in return he doesn’t have an owner (he’s technically owned by his agency). he’s kinda a celebrity for having such good genes lmfao...and once his agency kicks him/retires him (they only want him to have a few litters to keep prices high)....there’s gonna be an all out bidding war for him (like?? He’s literally the perfect sex bunny...whatever you could imagine he could most likely do.)

Iwaizumi is definitely a guard dog (I always see him having pointy ears like a Doberman...) he’s meant for protecting property or a person, and he takes this very seriously. But like Tanaka he gets really attached to his person despite trying to push his feelings aside and even tho he’s on hormone blockers his owner makes him rut 😳

Kyoutani...wolfdog...he is too violent and no one wants to breed him or adopt him so he’s basically just doing fuck all in some government holding facility (you would actually get a stipend for adopting him LOL). But YEAH...he’s actually a sweetie with a need to be dominated but no one wants to try to get close to him 💔

#HAVING MANY THOUGHTS #if anyone has better ideas HMU please #letterbox.txt #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu smut #haikyuu hybrid au

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incorrect-next-to-normal · 2 years

Text

ok so I realized yall dont know shit about miss luna marley!! so you're gonna hear about her! huge thanks to @/willowdied , my best friend, for helping me w her!

so luna is a purebred turkish van. she was rescued from an unethical cat breeder around four months old and was placed in care to help with recovery. since she was just a kitten, nothing was too bad for her yet. she was given to the caretaker's friend who was a therapy animal trainer.

the friend knew the Marley's, specifically margo. at book club/tea, the friend heard margo talking about some of the issues that henry, around 10/11 was having. he had severe separation anxiety, unhealthy stims (which I'll get into on his hc post), adhd, etc.

with margo and andrew's permission, they put luna through a roughly year and a half long program to help with these things specifically.

everyone knew henry was good with animals by that point. he had two ferrets whom he loved dearly and cared for on his own, he took care of strays, loved his mama's therapy dog, etc. getting him a therapy cat wasn't a worry.

let me tell you, these two were enamored the second they met. luna basically started climbing his pant leg until he picked her up, then she started purring.

shes about two years old when henry gets her, and lives to when Henry's in his late thirties. he keeps her ashes at home at a small altar, but that's a different conversation.

henry and Luna love each other off the bat. they become bonded quickly, which in this context, means that the lack of the other for long periods of time causes emotional/mental stress.

luna is certified to go everywhere with henry. he doesnt take her everywhere due to certain restrictions, but she comes most places. henry himself carries a knife in case someone tries to do anything to luna. like his mama, hes been a suspect in a few murder cases...

in the same way, luna is fiercely protective of henry. when a stranger tried to touch henry to stop him from stimming, she bit him and he needed about 10 stitches. the Marley's won the court case.

luna does have kittens at some point, before they get her fixed. the Marley's end up keeping the four kittens.

luna has complicated feelings about gabe and natalie. mostly, gabe is fine, but is also eccentric and the reason henry goes to a lot of loud places (like football games) despite his sensory issues. she mostly doesnt like natalie for a while. no particular reason. just fuck her that's why.

henry has a lot of trouble sleeping without luna, which is the reason he doesnt often stay at the Goodman's house overnight. if he absolutely has to spend a night without her, he just doesnt sleep.

luna is more inept at dealing with Henry's meltdowns since they happen the most often. she gets info his lap and starts purring and licking his face. it tends to snap him out of it within ten minutes.

shes a very darling girl and I love her.

#henry ntn #henry next to normal #next to normal #n2n #ntn #henry marley #luna marley

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starwarslut · 3 years

Text

i’m back with my clone wars thoughts, it’s been like two seasons so buckle up (first post here):

- cody and rex are the brains of the operation and 100% of obi-wan and anakin’s impulse control (ashoka switches between the two depending on the day)

- the dr nuvo vindi dude just looks like he would commit war crimes, the geneva convention means nothing to this man

- anakin and ashoka getting into an argument and anakin sends ashoka to her room . . . ok dad

- fires??? burning in space????? with what fuel???? last i checked space is a vacuum and that’s not very flammable babey

- i feel like anakin just keeps coming up with even more batshit out of control plans, each more insane and suicidal than the last, and yet SOMEHOW he still survives

- obi-wan has such tired dad TM energy, especially when it comes to anakin’s plans

- episode 20? i think you mean boil and waxer adopt a child

that’s all for season one so now onto season two (somewhere in here it becomes season three but i’m not sure where):

- waxer/boil (i’m shite at telling them apart) having numa on his helmet melts my heart

- kix definitely has the best hairstyle out of all the clones, it’s sick as hell

- the clones are oddly skinny??? idk man i just thought they’d be bulkier so you could imagine my surprise

- watching obi-wan beat the crap out of pre viszla was so incredibly satisfying

- love that rex teaches the shinies that working under skywalker means they never do what they’re supposed to

- rex is so very in tune with anakin’s bullshit he’s like the very resigned holder of their single shared brain cell

- i absolutely adore tiny boba (but also i can’t take him seriously because every time i see him i’m like ooh what are you gonna do??? kick them in the shins???)

- i’m completely enamoured with how plo koon’s troops painted him and them on the side of their transports - true father/son relationship goals

- and it says plo’s bros on it - i’m 🥺🥺

- r2 is a near-feral street mutt while all the other astromechs are purebred show dogs - this is facts

- i feel like quinlan vos is who anakin would be if he was trained by like yoda or someone a bit less sane/more unhinged (not that there are many people that fit that)

- padme is such a badass little lady and i absolutely love her she deserves so much better

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o0o0thorn0o0o · 3 years

Photo

God, this is a long post... It could most definitely be shortened, as there’s a lot of unnecessary details, but, well, nah. Also, no shading because I'm lazy.

I’ve got a presentation due tomorrow which I decided to do on cat cafes, which I’ve yet to finish, but I’m not too worried. I’ve done more in less. I swear, I’m gonna try and kick this procrastination habit one day. That day, though, is definitely not today. Anyway, because of that presentation, I felt like drawing cats. Anything for more cat practice. So here’s my cat headcanons for the three. Also, I don’t know if it’s because of the inspiration, but Gakushuu reminds me of a barista. I’ve also got dog headcanons for them, but we’ll see when I get to drawing them. I think Gakushuu would really like points—in this case, a blue lynx point. They’re my absolute favorite coat (though, my cat is prettier than any lynx), so that’s what’s depicted here. Again, though, he’d just like points in general. Also, a good sized cat with medium-fur. All that shedding, though... He’d probably get frustrated pretty often, but it’s worth it. He’d probably gave a preference for purebreds, but I don’t really have a specific breed in mind. If I had to pick, probably a Birman? They’ve got the coat down, and I’d imagine he’d appreciate their personalities. Intelligent, curious, quiet, and friendly yet independent. I’d like to imagine, though, that she’d only get really affectionate at the most inconvenient of times. And when he wants to shower her with attention, she’d be out of sight. Also, while she sometimes rips up papers and attacks pen/cils, he’d probably have her around when he’s doing homework—a homework buddy. Gakushuu would probably like to think he’d be a pretty strict owner, but in reality, he’d spoil her rotten—bit of a pushover. She’d be his little princess.

For Yukiko, I definitely think of Maine Coons, those gentle giants. I absolutely love Maine Coons—favorite breed, most definitely. They’re calm temperaments, the fact that they’re big and so gosh darn fluffy, their ear tufts, and, oh my gosh, their trills. I absolutely adore these guys. The only “flaw” would be that they’re not naturally points and you’d need at least two generations of mixing them with one—but there’s also a good chance they’d be lynx points, there. They’re just perfect. I’d probably never get one, though, as what are the chances there’d happen to be a Maine Coon in a shelter the day I happen to visit one? If that ever does happen, though, you bet I’m pouncing on that. Anyway, like the Birman, they’re very affectionate but also independent, and pretty soft spoken—traits I’m sure Kanzaki appreciates. While a caliby is shown above, I think Kanzaki equally likes torbies. Well, she’d be a fan of calicos and torties in general. I drew a caliby, though, because 1) I wanted a cat with white, and 2) as you can see, I really like tabbies. Don’t like drawing them much, though... Also, she’s a chocolate calico/caliby, because I think that’d Kanzaki’s favorite coat.

And finally, the cat man himself. It’s impossible for me not to see him as a cat person. Like, if no one else, than it’s gotta be Karma. Unlike the other two, none of my favorites are at play here. Instead, it turns out that what I’d imagine Karma to like most is a mixture of a trio of cats in my life, which I find interesting. I’ve already mentioned what that is in a previous post . I remember all three of those cats as kittens only, and they’re all male. The first was a kitten named Shadow, which was my older brother’s first cat. He was a tabby and was really affectionate.

The second was also named Shadow—one was named after the other, but I forgot which came first. He was a stray/neighborhood cat my siblings and I temporarily adopted once when we were visiting my dad’s home village. He’s probably where the black coat comes into play. And finally, the most recent, was a family member’s kitten overseas. We looked after him for a few weeks at the end of our trip because it had been two months since I’d last seen my cats, and I was feline-deprived. His personality is definitely what I think Karma would prefer. Absolutely hyper—one second, he’d be on the right side of the bed, and the next, he ran all the way across. He was never not active. Whenever we’d hold him still, just like that, he’d be passed out. There was only an on or off switch for him, that little bugger. Anyway, Karma wouldn’t really be that interested in specific breeds, but because I gave the other two a breed, I decided to give him a Bengal. I already knew Bengals had the personality, but I wasn’t really sure about the other criteria. When I searched it up, though, they seem to fit all of it. Depending on genetics, they can be small (the one depicted, though, is definitely a kitten), and they naturally just look smaller than they actually are. They’re also one of the most common breeds to have the charcoal tabby trait. So a Bengal just ended up matching perfectly.

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serendipitystation · 3 years

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Wesper with cats

They would climb them both but especially Jesper n they would eat wylans hair. The cats take Jespers spot on the bed beside wylan it’s very funny

"Why is there a cat in here?" Jesper looks up at a confused Wylan while the tabby cat in question paws at Jesper's lazing hand. The sharpshooter sits on the floor of the Van Eck residence, his gangly legs stretched out the door to the back garden and looking entirely unfazed by the situation.

"That is a great question, one I actually posed to the cat himself," Jesper says cheerfully. "Unfortunately, he doesn't speak Kerch."

"Jesper."

"I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when the cat appeared. He must be a stray- he's got no collar and he's pretty skinny." As Jesper pets the cat, he mocks sticking his nose in the air. "I can't help that I have natural magnetism." Wylan rolls his eyes.

"Just make sure he doesn't stay. We don't need a cat," Wylan says. It's no lie, either- with the pair's comings and goings for the Dregs and Marya in no state to care for an animal, having a cat would be a hindrance. Jesper frowns.

"But we can't just leave him outside. This isn't like the Slat- we have food and shelter enough for a small army. Besides, cats are self-sufficient, like us crows." Jesper picks up the cat and holds him at eye level. The cat meows in response and Jesper turns to Wylan with a pout.

"See? He wants to stay- he just said so." At this, Wylan crosses his arms.

"I thought he didn't speak Kerch," says Wylan accusingly. Jesper just shrugs.

"He knows a few words."

Evenings in the Van Eck household are when the stuffy house is most alive. It feels emptier these days without Inej, who's off on the high seas, but, between Jesper's antics, Wylan's music, and the gentle bustle of the housestaff, there's plenty of energy to go around. Their new housemate, however, might just best both of their efforts.

"What in the- ouch!" Wylan grimaces as the tabby digs into his shoulder with a yowl, seeking higher ground atop Wylan's armchair. Upon reaching the top, the cat meows and spreads out. Wylan doesn't mind animals, cats included and Alys's terrier excluded. He's fed scraps to strays before and stopped to pet the muzzle of many a friendly dog. But he's never owned a pet. Now, he knows he was right not to. Were it not for the look on Jesper's face, Wylan would have long found another home for the tabby currently batting at his curls.

"Are you being mean to Olivier again?" Jesper's voice pipes up from the kitchen.

"I thought we agreed to pick a name we both liked," says Wylan with a frown, trying to focus again on his book. The tickling of the paws was making things difficult.

"You said you didn't mind Olivier," Jesper says as he comes around the corner.

"It was supposed to be a joint decision."

"Well, what did you want to name him?"

"I liked the name Jak."

"Jak? That sounds like too roguish. Our son will not grow up sounding like a criminal," Jesper says firmly. Wylan's head shoots up.

"Our son?" He asks incredulously. He rolls the word around in his mind. Even only in reference to a pet, the word feels odd. Jesper quirks his eyebrow.

"Well, what else is he? "Roommate" and "pet" are too formal," Jesper says. Begrudgingly, Wylan has to admit that he has a point...but only kind of. He's still not as fond of the cat as Jesper is. As if on cue, the creature under discussion nips at Wylan's head. Wylan yelps and turns to glare at the cat.

"If he's our son, then he has your strange appetite," Wylan mutters, rubbing his head.

"He doesn't eat that much," Jesper replies. He frowns, eyeing the cat for a moment. "Come to think of it, he has gained a lot of weight." Jesper reaches past Wylan and picks up the cat. The sight of him holding out the cat as if in interrogation is amusing. Wylan watches as Jesper mulls things over. Then, out of nowhere, his mouth gapes.

"Are you an Oliviera?!"

---

"How in the world did we miss it?" Wylan scratches his head. The afternoon sun sends their shadows stretching like giants on the cobblestones of the government district as he and Jesper walk home after a day's work. "We should have guessed when we realized how possessive she gets when she takes up residence on the bed."

"Didn't you study biology at one point? Like animals and such?"

"Not cats. What about you- you're the one who grew up on a farm."

"It's a jurda farm. Not much by way of cats."

"What are we gonna do about all the kittens?" Wylan says with a sigh. As much as it would delight Jesper to have a house full of creatures with as much energy as himself, it's not practical. Then again, not much about their life up until now could be framed as such.

"We could sell them- rich people love purebred pets." Jesper suggests.

"As much as I'd love to do more illegal things than usual, I'd prefer not to hoodwink our neighbours." At this, Jesper gives a nonchalant wave of the hand.

"Fine, fine, nothing illegal. Do people even have pet stores in Ketterdam?"

"I think so. I'll ask the staff to look into it." Wylan says as they exit an alleyway and the familiar house comes into view. It's a good feeling to see the house and know that it's been put to better use than it ever has been before. Were his mother recovering faster, Wylan thinks she would agree. Beside him, Jesper muses in silence.

"Y'know, there's room in the house for more than us." His voice is light, teasing- it matches the mischief in his eyes. Wylan laughs as he reaches the front door.

"There's only so many times you can get your way, Jes," he says as he lets them into the front hall.

"Mmmm, don't speak too soon." Jesper winks. Before he can see Wylan blush, he turns and heads for the stairs. Wylan barely gets to the living room before he hears Jesper's voice from the bedroom.

"Oh, so now that's your side of the bed, Olive? Great."

---

"Absolutely not."

"A cat could be very useful, Dirtyhands. Keeps away all the rats."

"Not the ones that do real damage."

"With Inej gone, surely you need something to cuddle with-"

"I will cut out your tongue if you say one more word, Jesper."

---

"You can say it, it's okay," Wylan can hear the smile in Jesper's voice. "'The cat was a good idea, Jesper.' Just a few words, but plenty of gratitude."

Wylan peers in his mother's bedroom, watching the smoke-colored kitten cuddle in his mother's lap. Marya strokes it contentedly, her face dreamily calm. Wylan signs in assent.

"It seems promising," Wylan admits.

"And you said you didn't want a cat," Jesper teases. Wylan just smiles.

"At least Jak is quieter than his mother."

#thanks for the prompt!#wylan van eck #wylan #jesper fahey #jesper #six of crows #crooked kingdom #grishaverse #wesper #send me more prompts/ships!

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scaryscarecrows · 4 years

Text

Meet the Family

Jason is, honestly, not expecting to hobble out of the shower, shirt in hand, to find Batman backed against the kitchen counter courtesy of the dog. He vaguely recalls hearing barking, but he’d yelled at her to be quiet-nothing short of Judgement Day was going to drag him out of his hot shower-and that had been the end of it.

Although, to be fair, there’s a chunk of cape hanging out of her mouth. And she’s pissed; Jason forgets, because she loves to be hefted up and rocked like the world’s ugliest baby, that Lemon’s big. Ninety-five pounds* of muscle and teeth on his girl, with a deep growl that makes her sound even bigger. And sure, he’ll own it; tug-of-war is a pretty even match.

“What d’you want, Bruce.” He pulls his shirt over his head and makes his way, slowly and painfully, into the kitchen. Oof...maybe, just maybe, telling Ivy he had weed killer was a mistake. It was necessary, because those damn maneaters of hers had started encroaching on the Alley-and the kids therein-but maybe he should have tried for a little more tact. Or at least requested that the plants be kept in the Diamond District.

Next time.

“Is she yours.”

“Came with the apartment,” he snarks. “Alfred know you didn’t call ahead?”

“I did.” What. “You didn’t answer, and your...disagreement...with Ivy made the five o’ clock news.”

Ah, that’s Bruce-speak for, I was convinced you were bleeding out on the floor. Jason wonders if he did that thing he used to do, where he’d call twenty times in twenty minutes while breaking every speed limit known to man and panicking.

“Shower.”

“I noticed.”

“Of course you noticed. They don’t call you the world’s greatest detective for nothin’.” He gives Lemon a quick poke to the shoulder. “S’all right, sour girl. He’s harmless.”

He tilts a little and yeah, there’s no hiding the tear in his cape. This is great. He’s framing the scrap, maybe he’ll get a little plaque made saying, like, Cape of Batman, Obtained During Home Invasion.

Something along those lines, anyway.

“When.”

“You never did learn how to use the question tone, huh?” Oi. He’s hurtin’ tonight, looking forward to getting to bed. “About three months. Picked her up out of a dog fighting ring.”

Bruce is silent, but it’s an assessing one. Jason supposes it’s not totally his fault, being cornered and all like he is, but jeeze. He lost the want for a paranoid parent the first time Joker broke his collarbone. Send a text and chill the hell out.

Well, Bruce can stand there and think about things, but Jason would like his dog to let go of the scrap before she manages to eat it. He’d also like to sit down.

“Gimme this.” He gives it an experimental tug. There is no giving. “Lemon. Drop it.” She gives him a dirty look. “It’s not food, let go.”

Thankfully, they don’t have a repeat of the Banana Peel Incident. She lets it go-oh, jeeze, it’s wet and disgusting-and he drops it on his kitchen chair rather than hold it.

“Thank you.” He pulls on her shoulder, but she doesn’t budge. Whatever. “I’m gonna siddown, Bruce. You can make yourself comfortable or not, but I’m tired.”

“Is anything broken.”

“No. M’just sore, that’s all.”

Honestly, he’s expecting Bruce to vanish now that he’s seen what he came for. But he doesn’t; he follows Jason into the other room. Honestly, it’s a little unnerving.

“I didn’t know you wanted a dog.”

“I didn’t.” The dog in question hefts herself onto the sofa next to him. “I couldn’t just leave her there. She was hurt, an’ her face was all mangled, and I…”

I know what that feels like, he doesn’t say. Thankfully, Bruce either gets it or doesn’t feel the need to push.

“Are you hungry?”

He has to laugh, even after all this time. Bruce makes that weird exhale that’s his version of a laugh, too.

“A little,” he admits. “I mean, if you wanted to apologise for upsetting my dog, you could go get me Batburger.”

Even after all these years, Bruce still manages to...vanish. Seriously, Jason blinks and he’s gone. Fine.

“He’d better remember I hate warm burger-pickles,” he tells Lemon, who kindly drools on his leg. “But I guess you can have ‘em if he doesn’t.”

THE END

*I have never seen a ‘purebred’ pit this big; Lemon is not one, however. She has some American Bulldog in there, hence her size.

#Jason Todd #Lemon the Dog #Bruce Wayne #fluff #Batdad #did I mention this is plotless fluff

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itbe-jess · 3 years

Text

Masklophobia: Chapter 6

Karl's Paradise- 02x04: My Webby Valentine

Now onto the 4th episode of the 2nd season. It's a... ...god damn Valentine's Day special. As you can tell by the title. Anyways, let's dive right in, shall we?

The episode begins with that hillbilly lizard, who's at the start of every episode, taking a nap by the "Welcome to the Paradise" sign. He then awakens, yawns, then a cartoon bee flew into his mouth. He choked for a while, then eventually spat it out. Next, the show pans to the Paradise town, festive in Valentine's Day decorations. We witness a lot of heteronormativity coming from the stock puppet characters. After that, we cut to the Paradise Critters.

More random puppet characters are fishing by the lake, when Fins popped up, holding a bouquet of roses, saying "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! *Chuckles*" The fisher puppets come to take a closer look at the roses, and sniff them, but then water had sprayed out. She laughed, then presented them with real roses as a "No hard feelings" apology.

Cut to Junior; He was in school, where his classmates were having a card exchange. A female student (named Shirley) was two seats away from him. Shirley was a dog puppet, with pigtail like ears, and she appeared to be checking Junior out. Ughhhh, forced romance on eight year-olds. She stared at Junior as she watched him sort through his box of cards, just carelessly shuffling and making himself a mess. The mammoth stopped as he picked something up: Chocolate candies with a card attached. Shirley seemed to be fullfilled, implying that it came from her. Unfortunately, Junior crumbled up the card, tossed it aside, then ate the candies. Shirley was left heartbroken. "Boys..."

We then now cut to the Happy Belly Diner. Yum-Yum was placing a bunch of Valentines Day treats, including a punch bowl, on the counter. Barkstone and Saxxo stared in awe. Mama LongLegs was in the background, hovering over a bowl of soup. Back to Yum-Yum, she said that King Karl had chosen her to be the caterer for this year's Valentine's Day ballroom party. She let Saxxo have a sample of one of them. After trying one, he commented with glee.

"Mmm, mmm mmm! This some hearty, heart filled goodness right here, Yums! Although... Maybe ah should try another batch-"

"Don't you dare, honey! These are for the Lovers Ball! But... ...if you're still hungry, I whipped you up a special Valentine gift."

Yum-Yum presented Saxxo with a small gift box. Inside the box were Valentine's Day sugar cookies, shaped like hearts.

"Aw, mama, this awfully SWEET of you. Wish ah had the time to make you somethin'."

"No need for that. Just keep up with them soothin', jim-dandy melodies."

"Oh! Perhaps ah can treat you to a personal, live performance. You gonna dig this tune! Ah wrote it specially for the Lovers Ball!"

"Interesting. Do you have a name for it?" Asked Barkstone.

"Yes indeedy, man! It's called 'Gonna Take Super Sticky Glue To Keep Me Close To You!'"

While Saxxo played some smooth jazz on his saxophone, the next segment transitioned. It was a beautiful, pencil drawn animation, with a harp score, about a cupid helping a sad, lonely boy cheer up by hooking him up with a girl. ... Apparently, romance is the key to find happiness. Good animation. Bad message.

We're back to the Happy Belly Diner scene, except it's filmed from the outside, with Van Goose coming up. Before she enters the diner, she ran into Mama LongLegs coming out.

"Hahppy Vahlentine's day, Meess LahngLegs!"

"Ohhhh, *Stomps foot down* bah humbug!"

The spider storms away angrily, leaving Van Goose confused. As she entered, Saxxo stops and greets the bird.

"Ees eet just me, or ees LahngLegs up een seex ahrms?"

"Mm. It ain't just you, babeh. She has been quiet around this room, sittin' all by herself while lookin' so gloom." Said Saxxo.

"I'll say. She ordered herself some soup, and told me to hold the fly." Said Yum-Yum.

"Fortunately, there is a basis behind this tale. The poor lady arachnid is faced with another lonely episode on the most romantic day of the year! The day where she once believed she had a chance to find the love she's been yearning for, but now accepted the fact that it would just turn out the same dull way as always. Well, it's not her fault for being so unattractive." Said Barkstone.

Saxxo and Yum-Yum both smacked the blue dog for that last statement. The four fell into a discussion on how they wanted to cheer Mama LongLegs up. Barkstone suggested that they let her be. Yum-Yum suggested that they find a man for her, who won't be repulsed by her looks. (Maybe a literal blind date) Saxxo suggested they each give her a gift to make her feel better. Suddenly, a lightbulb appeared over Van Goose's head, indicating that she had an idea.

We pan to the outside of LongLegs's cottage, then inside of her cottage, where we find her knitting webs. She made herself a sweater, complained about how ugly it looked, then dealt with the fact that she might as well wear an ugly sweater, since she would never catch true love anyways. The doorbell rang. LongLegs threw her sweater on the floor, then marched angrily to answer the door.

"Can't a lady go through an emotional state in peace?!"

Nobody was there. Well, something was there. On her doorstep, there was a basket, which contents were a bouquet of flowers, a heart shaped box, and an envelope sealed off with a heart sticker. She took the basket inside. The flowers were an assortment of different colors and varieties, and smelled like a breezy garden. Inside the box were chocolate covered grasshoppers. They looked yummy, and tasted like they came from an expensive candy store. The letter was a romantic poem.

"Each passing day and each passing night, I wish I could keep you in my sight. With your stellar talent, I knew you had broke the mold. All six arms of yours I wish to hold. Let's reprise Miss Muffet, add in a little twist. Whereas instead of running away, it ends with a kiss. You are the spice providing the flavor. I'd like to meet you sometime later. With love... ...your secret admirer."

Mama LongLegs was so delighted, she began to break into song. I am not gonna recite it for you. It's pretty forgettable. Anyways, it was about her wondering what her secret admirer is like. Is he tall, short, fair, or dark? Is he slender, or a brawny champ? Is he an elegant duke, or a wild bad boy? Throughout the song, we are taken into her cartoon visualizations. She imagined her man to be another spider of some sort. Marvel Comics' Spider-Man was deemed the "brawny champ" of the song.

"I don't know what he is, or what he looks like. All I know is that I finally found someone who admires me deeply. Wait, 'I'd like to meet you sometime later.' *Happily squeals* Ohhh boy! Ohhh girl! I betcha he'll be there at the Lovers Ball! Oh, but what shall I wear? I can't be seen in this old thing on a special night like this! How's my breath?! My hair is way too uptight!"

Meanwhile, watching from the window outside;

"'I'd like to meet you sahmetime lahtair?' ees zat whaht we wahnted hare to believe?!" Van Goose snapped.

"I'm sorry, babeh. Ah was runnin' low on time to tell a rhyme, so ah improvised. Is that a crime?" Saxxo replied.

"What if we just tell her that the Lovers Ball is probably not the time her secret admirer had in mind?" Asked Yum-Yum.

"Because zen she'd question us on how we knew zat hare secret ahdmeerair wahnted to meet hare sahmetime lahtair. eet just gives eet ahll ahway."

"You have a good point. What do we do now?"

Unfortunately for Barkstone, he had plans.

"I'd love to help you untangle out of this WEB, but I have to get ready for the Lovers Ball tonight. I have a date with a purebred Maltese!"

The magician dog disappeared in a puff of smoke. The three other Critters coughed, and started fanning away the smoke.

"Why, I don't believe him! There's only five hours away till the ball, and he just gave us the bum's rush! Boy am I surprised he managed to land himself a date."

Yum-Yum's complaint gave Van Goose a new idea.

"I sink I cahme up weeth a new nahtion!"

"Sink is right. We sure sunk."

"No, Saxxo, no! Sink! Sink! Idea! I mean I've gaht a new plahn!"

"New plan? Well, why didn't ya say so? Lay it on us!"

"You see: LahngLegs ees hahpeeng fahr hare secret ahdmeerair to be ze perfect mahn, right? Hut whaht eef we try to cahnveence hare zat he's naht whaht she'd expect?"

Yum-Yum and Saxxo liked the plan, and they slapped both of Van Goose's wings a high-five. We cut to the next skit, where it's a humorous cartoon that tells the tale about animals "expressing their love" in different ways than humans. I'm pretty sure that's what animals do before they mate. Of course, kid shows shouldn't let kiddies know that the animals fuck.

Now we're down to the LabRat segment. Same opening with the eerie enterance and organ music, blah blah blah. Pan to LabRat. It appears he is working on one of those chemical setups. I don't know science, sorry. All the chemicals are then transferred into this cologne bottle, then the rat seals it. Eger appears, and he has a potted flower on his head for no reason.

"Hello, master!"

"Why hi, Eger. How has- Eger, you have a potted flower on your head."

"Ohhhhh, that's funny! So do I! Anyways; Happy Valentine's Day, master!"

Eger gives LabRat a Valentine card, where it said "You blinded me with science."

"Awwwwww, Eger, you shouldn't have. Really."

"So, what did you get me?"

LabRat panicked for a moment, and searched around his labcoat to find something. He then pointed to a fake distraction so that Eger would turn his head. LabRat grabbed the potted flower, and gave it to him.

"It's lovely! Now I have a match for the one on my head! So, what have you been cooking up, master?"

"Oh, it's a device that will put an end to all loneliness."

"An ever-lasting pet rock?"

"No! Even better! *Turns the bottle around to reveal the labled name* A love potion!"

"Love potion? Love potion, master?"

"Yes, love potion! By just applying a small dose of this highly concentrated pheromone, the scent will lure in the love of your life!"

"Master, I don't think it's a good idea to force love on someone like that. Love takes time."

"Love takes forever. (Or in my highschool case, love takes never)"

"But master, it doesn't sound right! Love is too precious to mess with! A girl has a life of her own, you know? Why not just use the basic steps to winning the female species?"

Damn, this is probably the only time Eger had some decent sense. Also, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear the term "female species." Eger then brought out a presentation board with all the steps.

"Try being nice to her, like she were a person like you. Talk to each other to find out what you like in one another. Give her some pretty flowers. Then that's it! You don't need no stinkin' love potion."

"You have pointed out some very good details, Eger. But with my pride, the heck with it! I need a date to the Lovers Ball!"

Dismissing Eger's advice, LabRat told his assistant to stand by the door. He dabbed himself with the love potion, only at his arms and behind one of his ears. Then he told Eger to release the test subjects. Eger opened the door, to let in a couple of female puppet characters. If they were standing outside of the cellar this whole time, how come we didn't see them in the segment's intro? LabRat freshened his breath with breath spray and he put on a bowtie.

One of them approached the rat. Instead of giving him affection, she slapped him across the face. Another one came over, and stomped on his foot. The third one pushed him over. Finally, they all joined together for a good rat beating. Can't say he didn't deserve it. When they were done, the ladies exited the cellar in disgust. We pan to LabRat lying belly down on the floor. Eger hovered over him. When LabRat asked Eger to help him up, he just hit him on the snout.

"Bad master!"

Eger left to join the ladies, leaving LabRat alone in his lab. Groaning in pain, the rat picked himself up, using the nearby counter for support.

"Ya know, I've truly learned something from all of this."

You may think he has learned his lesson on not to probe a woman's feelings, but no, he decided to relabel his new invention as "hate potion."

The last animated skit of the episode, we watch yet another lovely animation (stop motion) about candy hearts forming the word "Valentine," then into a beating heart. We then transition to the night scene, outside of the Lovers Ball. Pan to inside, everyone is having a ball. Dancing with their partners, eating, drinking punch. Saxxo was performing on stage. Slouch was the security, but currently sleeping on the job.

Barkstone was wearing a black tuxedo, Yum-Yum wore a skirt and some jewerly, Saxxo wore a sequin suit, Van Goose wore a white tuxedo top, and Mama LongLegs had a red dress, pearl necklace, and her hair tied in a ponytail. Speaking of Mama LongLegs, she was sitting at a table for two, all by herself. Van Goose was at the buffet table, getting herself some punch, while watching the poor spider await for her Prince Charming. A pig puppet approached her table.

"Is this seat taken, ma'am?"

"Yes!"

"By who?"

"My dreamboat, that's who!"

"Where is he?"

"He'll be here, eventually!"

"Has he arrived yet?"

"No, but he will!"

"Mind if I warm up this chair for him while you wait?"

"TO THE MOON, PORKCHOPS!"

Mama LongLegs raised her voice, causing the pig to scurry. Van Goose went over to Yum-Yum, who brought over another tray of hors d'oeuvres, and told her to act now. The bear came up to LongLegs' table, helping herself to a seat. LongLegs was confused at first, because she was expecting a man.

"Hey, LongLegs. How have you been, hun?"

"Ahhh, I've been doing fabulous now that I've found love on this day to celebrate! Heeheehee. Now please get out of that chair before he gets here and thinks I gave his seat away."

"Oh, you met someone? I'm very happy for you! What's this fella like?"

"Well, we didn't exactly met, but we're expecting to meet here, at the Lovers Ball. He implied it in the letter he sent me. *Gives letter to Yum-Yum* Along with some chocolate covered grasshoppers and fragrant flowers. Now, may you pardon yourself-"

"*Pretends to read note* Oh my goodness. Uh-uh, oh my goodness. Tsk tsk tsk."

"What is it?"

"Hun, I think I recognize this handwriting. I don't know his name in particular, but I do know who this came from. This dude dropped by the Happy Belly Diner a few weeks back. Gracious, I've never seen such a messy eater in my life. He slurps his stew, shoves his entire plate clean in one bite, and digs his face, literally, into his dessert. Talk about animal manners. Messy, messy, messy."

"Ooooooohhh, sounds like he has the appetite of a real predator! I like that in guys."

Well, that failed nicely. After being politely asked to move from the chair one last time, Yum-Yum excused herself. She then broke the news to Van Goose, on how LongLegs was excited to know that there's someone who eats more disgustingly than her. Van Goose decided to ask Saxxo next. Meanwhile, Yum-Yum found a sad, lonely old man. ...dog. Drowning his sorrows in punch.

"You seem under the weather there, Barkstone."

"Well don't rain on my parade."

"Had trouble with your date?"

"Like that's any of your business!"

"Okay-"

"She left me for this feeble, puny little Chihuahua. I'll never understand women."

Elsewhere, Saxxo was playing the tune he showed us earlier in the episode. Suddenly, Van Goose called him from behind the red curtains. The show still had to go on, so Saxxo put someone else in his place. A rabbit puppet that played the spoons. Saxxo went behind the red curtains, then came out covered in roller bandages, and walked with a cane. King Karl witnessed the whole affair, which got him to be suspicious. The tiger limped as fast as he could to Mama LongLegs.

"Oh jeez, Saxxo! What happened to you?!"

"That fella... Your secret admirer... Earlier that day, Ah was just all cool, playin' mah music to go, when ah bumped into HIM! He a bad dude! I'm not talkin' bout the good kind of bad!"

"HE did this to you?"

"Uh-huh. I wanted to pass by, and forget the whole thang ever happened, but this man got issues! He battered me to a pulp, and was well aware that ah was uncapable of defending myself. Look at dis body and say otherwise!"

"Golly! He must be such a strong, sturdy hunk! (I think I'm in love!)"

"What about me?!"

"Well, you did bump into him without saying 'excuse me.'"

That plan backfired as well. The only option left was to tell Mama LongLegs the truth. Before Van Goose got to say anything to LongLegs, Barkstone made a dramatic entrance with a puff of smoke. He was now sitting in that chair, wearing a ridiculous spider costume, and a false mustace.

"Sorry I'm late, madam! My limo needed repair. Might I introduce myself: I am John George Henry Lewis Raphael III! Owner of the largest oil company in the Paradise, and The First National Kidney Donor Bank!"

Van Goose tugged Barkstone by his false mustace and whispered into his ear.

"Bahrkstahne, whaht ahre you doing?"

"Helping out, of course. You owe me big time in this, by the way."

The dog continued to chat with LongLegs. You couldn't tell by her face, but her tone showed that she wasn't falling for it. ...and ready to kill.

"My, you sure are lovely on this fine night! Did anyone ever tell you that you look better in the dark lighting?"

"Barkstone... ...what is this?"

King Karl appeared and asked "Yes, what is this," but in a lighthearted manner. After Van Goose painfully tore off the false mustace from Barkstone's face, she explained everything. Since LongLegs' bad mood and losing hope in Valentine's Day, Van Goose decided to make up a fake admirer so that LongLegs knows that she is loved. Barkstone provided the flowers (magically), Yum-Yum made the chocolate covered grasshoppers, and Saxxo wrote the poem. Van Goose guided them.

She also explained that they never intented to have this secret admirer meet Mama LongLegs, but had no choice because Saxxo got carried away in the rhymes. King Karl lectured the four Critters. He told them that it's never okay to fool somebody's feelings, and quotes that love is too delicate to mess with. There are many alternatives to making your friends happy, especially on Valentine's Day. Van Goose timidly stepped up to Mama LongLegs, and apologized for all that has happened.

"We're ahll equally sahrry, LahngLegs. We just wahnted to mahke you hahppy, ahnd breeng your speerit een Vahlentine's Day bahck, because we cahre fahr you. We nevair meant to breeng such hahrm."

Mama LongLegs hesitated for a moment.

"As much as I want to be mad at you, it's just impossible knowing I have friends who love me so much. I guess the best Valentine a woman can ever have is her own friends."

Van Goose and Mama LongLegs hugged things out. The others joined in too, even Barkstone, only because the moment was too heartwarming to ignore. Before the episode ends for good, and the credits roll, it's Paradise Fun-Time, which Van Goose shows us how to make crafty Valentine's Day cards. Seems more relevant than any of the hacks from 5-Minute Crafts. Catch you later, loves!

#The Banana Splits Movie #remake #horror #Masklophobia #original characters

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