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elf-osamu · 1 year

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“WOW, I REALLY CAN’T SPEAK, HUH? MUST BE BECAUSE OF HOW PRETTY YOU LOOK”

[ masterlist ] [ event ] [ reblogs are v v v appreciated ]

fluff, romantic relationship, lucifer, mammon, barbatos x gn!reader

warning(s) : mammon’s one is kinda sad at first ?? mostly bc he’s overthinking things ☹️ probably he’s a bit ooc but idc he’s gorgeous regardless (let’s say you two are at the start of your relationship in this one-shot).

words count : 2587 words

request: “howdy may i rq an obey me scenario with this prompt —> “wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look.” gn! mc says it ! would like it to be with lucifer, mammon and barbatos. maybe something like them rambling and asking if mc is listening and they drop that line ^ thank youu”

a/n : AA FINALLY AN OBEY ME REQUEST 🫶🏻 i love those characters with all of my heart, aND THIS PROMPT IS SO GOOD, it’s one of my favorites !! thank you for requesting btw <33 and i apologize for the long wait :( i had no time to write between school and personal matters. anyway, just so you know, lucifer’s and mammon’s ones are soooo long while barbato’s is auite short, i kinda rushed it because i felt bad since i’ve been neglecting requests lately 😭😭 (yeah this is the second time i’m posting this)

LUCIFER :

as the student council vice president, lucifer is well known among the royal academy of diavolo’s demons and angels: although being a composed individual most of the time, he has also an intimidating and almost cruel side to him because of his status, hence why many demons fear him. his fierce, self-assured demeanour is somewhat entrancing, capturing everyone’s gaze in an unbreakable trance, plus his aura of pride is something inevitable in everyday life.

this is not to mention his complicated past and the authority he possesses thanks to lord diavolo, which — according to many demons and a few angels — give more might to his persona.

although sometimes you were the main cause of many troubles in the past, now you can consider yourself quite privileged to be in his good graces. as his partner you have access to a vulnerable part of him that not everyone has a chance to see, where his pride comes off and his insecurities and annoyances emerge, and you can afford to be bold with him.

this very day, he is complaining about a bunch of ‘inferior’ demons who have caused a rather bothersome fuss during curses and hexes class, knocking out a student, giving a headache to your beloved: lucifer knows perfectly well how to put someone in their place, even forcefully if necessary, however it doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel pressured and tired after doing his duty.

the stress derived from all of his responsibilities, and from the piles of paperwork stubbornly sitting on his desk nearly every day, highly increases over time.

now the two of you are in his study, lucifer is rereading the report about today’s incident he just finished to write while you intently watch him work, helping him here and there. frowing in displeasure, he keeps changing a few sentences, wondering how the hell he’s going to survive this afternoon.

however, you can’t help but admire his handsome features: his black eyes shine with a reddish light, they are a little jaded but also alive; his rosy lips form a straight line, emphasizing his concentration, but no less beautiful; his cheeks are covered with a slight sheen of blush, probably due to his weariness; what to say, his demonic beauty is undoubtedly striking.

being too busy with your thoughts, you don’t realize he’s trying to get your attention to what he has been saying for the past few minutes.

“[name], are you listening to me?” he asks, lips slightly parted at your silence.

it’s almost funny, the fact that he completely ignores the reason of your quietness.

“[name].” at this point, lucifer’s voice is filled more with worry than irritation. why aren’t you responding to him? is something the matter?

as he’s about to ask another question, you snap back to reality, slowly turning to your senses.

you try to say something to seem completely nonchalant, but your voice — hoarse from nervousness — betrays you, and you can’t help but observe again your partner, who is frowing even more than before. if that’s possible.

you sigh, in defeat with yourself, and a genuine grin makes its way onto your face. “wow, i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look”.

at first, he doesn’t really process those words.

although his gaze is fixed on your figure, his mind is fuzzy from all the work he’s currently doing, almost as if he were in a dream-like state, not at all focused on the present world. there’s silence for a few seconds in the room you two are in, and you’re asking yourself if you need to bring lucifer back to reality. but when you’re about to talk to him, you shift slightly on your sit, and his brain registers the movement.

so, suddenly, realization hits him. perhaps, too suddenly.

if it weren’t for his majestic pride, he’d cover his face, now completely red — but, doing so would be admitting his confused (but contented) mood derived from the sound of your words, which is inadmissible to him. so, all he can do is pretend that he’s not impressed by what you have said, even if his body is betraying him: in addition to the blush on his face and neck, his eyes are filled with astonishment and his lips, slightly parted again, form a small circle, defining his astonishment.

finally, he glares at you — taking back a part of his self-control — and seems to be lost in thought, probably wondering how he should face the situation without feeling too embarrassed; you can almost see the gears of his brain working wildly, desperately trying to find a simple solution.

and then, his eyes sparkle.

never underestimate a demon, especially if it’s lucifer. have you flustered him? well, be prepared, because he’ll pay you back in the same coin.

he adjusts himself on his scarlet armchair, which highlights his shimmering eyes, and leans towards you, over his desk. you can tell by his look that, if you let him speak, his words will be the death of you. and there’s no way you’ll allow it.

“too bad i need to be in another a class in, like, five minutes,” you blatantly lie, checking your wristwatch, and getting up. you lean just a little to give lucifer a quick peck on the lips. “well, see you later, pretty boy”, you wink at him and leave the room in a hurry, without giving him enough time to process what has happened.

yet again, he’s stunned by how you’ve called him.

the avatar of pride may be confident and assertive, but his heart can only flutter when someone is genuinely complimenting him. especially if it’s you.

MAMMON :

“… and so he blamed me! me, do ya understand? he, without hesitation, cursed the great mammon in front of the whole class! what an outrageous thing to do, don’t ya think!?”.

one interesting thing about the avatar of greed is that, despite his attempts to play it cool, he’s not confident about himself. thinking about it, it can’t but make sense: he’s driven by his multiple desires — money, for example — and craves them every time there’s a minimal absence of those, including external approval; he needs to be seen and accepted by everyone.

admitting it out loud would probably never be an option, considering his stubborn nature, but mammon would do anything to make you smile or laugh at his jokes — anything. he wants to be worthy of your attention — because in his mind he’s not deserving of love, particularly yours. of course, if you asked him something about this matter, he’d say the opposite — he’s everything but good at communicating his needs.

getting to know the demon hasn’t been an easy task, but with time you’ve managed to discover that there’s a soft side to him — a kind, warm heart behind his usual carefree mask.

despite all these thoughts spinning in your head, in this moment you are still fascinated by mammon’s temper and gestures: his hands, shaken, are moving quickly in the air, a slight pout is adorning his face, and his eyes are glimmering in bitter frustration — the sky of the devildom is reaching his darkest shade of colour while he looks vigorous yet ethereal.

“… handsome”, you murmur, as if talking to yourself.

mammon suddenly stops in his tracks, a slight embarassed expression appearing on his face.

“oh? what did ya say?” he asks, confused yet hopeful, thinking that maybe he has misheard you — because how could someone like you view him as nothing but that? sure, you’re his partner, however the fear of not being seen and loved for who he really is… is always present.

you sigh and wrap your arms around his waist, resting your head on his shoulder. “wow, i really can’t speak, huh? ah, must be because of how pretty you look…”.

the noises of the night fill the atmosphere between you two in this moment; mammon’s brain has stopped working and, honestly, you can’t blame him: saying that he’s taken aback by your remark would be a great understatement to describe the current situation.

the avatar of greed is feeling so many emotions in so little time — his heart is pounding stronger than ever, you can almost hear its soft sound, and a reassurance which he has never felt so intensely is hugging his chest. these sensations are something he would gladly immerse himself into, a new type of greed to add to his long and interminable list, a new need.

unfortunately, the clock is ticking and mammon doesn’t want you to see his true self, not in a moment so embarassing for him, not like this — though he would love to indulge in this sweet pleasure for a while longer.

“you— human! what are ya thinking, speaking like that to your first demon? ya sure are bold! i’ll close one eye for this time, so consider yourself lucky tonight, because the great mammon won’t be so gentle in the future!”

a quick laugh escapes from your lips and, before he can question it, you grab his jaw with one of your hands, so his eyes can only be directed towards you.

“mammon, sweetheart, drop the act. you are making a fool of yourself and, although you’d be so entertaining to watch right now, you need to realise that i love you, truly.”, your gaze softens and you smile at him, making his heart melt. “it’s okay to not understand why you are cared about — but i want you to know that you are important to me, so, so fcking much. we’re in this together — aren’t we? then, will you allow me to show why and how i’m going to love and take care of you, mh?”.

mammon remains still as you finish your speech; his unsteady breath, however, betrays him.

“[name], i… thank you”, he says, unsure on how to continue his response.

“talk your feelings out, if you feel like it. i’m not a judge here,” you reassure him.

his gaze shifts for a moment, symbolising his indecision, but then it returns to yours. “i’m… i am glad to have ya in my life, [name]. but, well, i suppose i have one request to make”.

your smile turns suddenly into a smirk, finally happy to see your boyfriend taking courage to express his feelings.

“yes, dear?”.

“be greedy with me,” he pauses, slowly breathing in and out to not mess up his next words. “indulge in my sin whenever you can, day by day, and don’t leave anything behind. spare nothing, let the greed take control over you, like i’ll do with you from now on”.

“oh now, now, who is the bold one?” you murmur, getting closer to him. “you’re extremely covetous, mammon, and this is one of the many things which i appreciate about you. i already made a pact with you, so i don’t see a problem with your request. i accept it”, and you kiss him, as if you’re sealing the deal.

who would have thought that one of the greatest demons of all the realms could feel such things for a human?

BARBATOS :

despite being barbatos’s partner, it’s not quite often that you’re invited over lord diavolo’s castle to spend time with two of the most powerful demons in the devildom. the reason why is actually pretty simple: your lover’s life is full of events to attend and favors to give. his presence is requested by every kind of beings, alongside his trusted services to the devildom’s prince, resulting in little to no space left for your meetings. the same can be said for you, since your school life isn’t exactly giving you energy to talk to him either — so you could say you two are fair.

this evening is different from the usual, since you were invited for dinner — a rare, but pleasant occasion to find yourself in. the one who has arranged it all is, nevertheless, lord diavolo himself: though he often acts oblivious of his requests, he has a keen eye for his butler’s mental state — so it would have been only a matter of time before he found out about barbatos�� single desire to relieve his stress… you.

using the “celebration” of your school achievements as an excuse, diavolo set up these hours in his magnificent mansion just for the two of you — saying that he’s attended elsewhere and oh so unfortunately he won’t be able to remain with you even for a while longer.

this is the premise of the current moment — you are quite literally squeezing your boyfriend, hugging him from behind, while he prepares his nightly skincare routine. he’s looking at himself in the mirror, dark green eyes are inspecting his state: his hands are on both sides of the sink, slightly supporting his robust and elegant figure; his torso is covered by a black tank top — something you’d rarely have the chance to see, considering barbatos’ extreme care for a professional appearance; his cold but soft skin seems bright, almost shining, under the tender lamp’s light.

his lips are smartly moving, giving life to his thoughts, however you are too focused on him to pay attention to his words.

“[name]?”

the sudden call of your name wakes you up, but only for a second.

“mh?”

his eyes meet yours in the mirror. “are you listening to me?”.

“mmh mh”, you nod, not registering his question at all, and continue to admire him in silence.

obviously, he’s completely aware of it — after all, he’s the demon who can see through both the past and future.

with a swift movement of his body, he turns to face you, making you cling to his waist.

with his right hand, he gently holds your chin between his fingers. “would you like, my love, to share your thoughts on the matter? you seem rather unfocused tonight, wouldn’t you agree?”.

you swallow, waiting for your confidence to come back. then, you try to give back the same energy of his — since you wouldn’t like to lose to his antics, not again.

“damn, i really can’t speak right now, huh? must be because of how pretty you look, barbatos. it’s actually not fair”.

although you don’t look nearly as self-assured as him, you regain a bit of your control when you notice a hint of hesitation and bewilderment on his face.

he scoffs, looking away from your eyes — and doing so makes it evident that his ears are bright red. you catch the opportunity right away, moving his hair away from the sensitive skin.

“ah! if only the others saw you, the formidable barbatos, right now! you wouldn’t be feared so much,” you teasingly comment, preparing for his next move.

“i wouldn’t be so daring if i were in your place, [name]”, barbatos remarks jokingly — but you can never be so sure when it comes to him: as proof you have his piercing gaze fixated on your face, which conveys a message that you couldn’t otherwise pick up.

“well- i guess i’ll make it up tomorrow! aren’t you tired? it’s been an exhausting day — let’s watch a movie!” you suddenly suggest, not resisting to his towering yet fascinating aura.

he sighs as you quickly evade from his arms, though he’s suppressing a smile.

barbatos supposes he can let one person to make fun of him.

[ do not copy, translate, repost, etc. | by @ elf-osamu ]

#obey me #obey me fluff #obey me! shall we date?#obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me barbatos #obey me x reader #gn!reader #x gn reader #x gn!reader #mammon x you #lucifer x gender neutral reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer #barbatos x reader

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todoabi · 6 months

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Mar and Jake- 1st Chapter

Hello everyone! this is the very first chapter of my OC's story! Frankly, this is also the first real story I'm writing and publishing on the internet, so please excuse my inexperienced writing. If you enjoy please tell me! I'd love to hear your thoughts. Here goes nothing!

chapter 1 (you're here) chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4(coming soon)

------ 2300~~ words

The door shut itself behind Mar when she got back home. The wind outside was howling and created tension between the air and the door- even inside her apartment building.

Standing in the middle of the living room, Mar kept silent, waiting to hear any sounds of movement in the house- awesome, her roommate was out. She barely knew him anyway, so she got the silence and calmness she yearned for the entire day. Mar sat down on the couch and took off her wet boots, too exhausted to care about the mess she was making, then lay down on the couch.

Thunder roared outside. Mar barely saw the lightning that preceded it, her forearm covering her eyes as she tried to ignore the giant headache that was growing in her brain. With closed eyes, she tried to rummage through her bag for some painkillers, but she couldn't find them, so she tried to stay as still as possible to wait it out.

A few moments later she decided it was too much to bear and opened her eyes, intending to look for those stupid painkillers properly. But when she did, they were a little blurry, and after a few moments they cleared up and she could see her surroundings- but they were different than moments before.

Everything was absolutely huge: the couch she was on, the pillow she was leaning on now was barely denting to support her weight; The lamp above now looked like the freaking sun, and the ceiling now was so far away she could barely see it.

Frozen from shock, she rubbed her eyes to fix her vision, but nothing changed. The realization took a while to hit her, and when it did it wasn’t just scary or surprising- it was terrifying. She didn’t scream, but she did stare at her surroundings until it all blurred again from the extended blink-less period she was staring at. Panic filled her heart, and it began beating quicker and quicker. This whole situation seemed to be taking an eternity while the thunder that struck when she opened her eyes previously echoed in her head. Was it what did this? It seemed rather unrelated, it’s just some thunder, after all, but what else could the cause be?

Suddenly, her panic attack was cut short when the front door burst open once again. Mar’s heart sank. That’s the last thing she needed. Her roommate, Jake, was clumsy, forgetful and generally very ADHD coded. His entering the situation wouldn’t help- not that she herself was any calmer and more collected either.

Jake, on his part, was finally able to drop his bubbly mask- now that he was home. It also seemed that no one else was home, which was weird, since Mar usually comes back an hour before him, more or less. His mask, either way, drops automatically when he’s alone. He wouldn’t be acting so tiringly in front of other people on his own accord, that’s just how he is in public. Jake dropped his backpack on the floor next to the doorway as he sighed.

The thud the bag made as it hit the floor caught Mar off guard. She was barely able to turn around to face Jake’s way as she was still in total shock and that thud made her muscles wake up and jolt awake- she then fell on her back from it. It seemed to have caught his eye, though, and now she was truly terrified. His giant, absolutely massive body was turned towards her so quickly she didn’t even have enough time to react; and his unemotional gaze fell onto her as he found the source of the movement he caught at the edge of his vision.

Mar gulped. She was looking so far up that her neck began hurting. She thought she could even hear is breaths, but he was still a few meters away so it might as well just be her own heartbeat- which was increasing even more than it already was.

The silence and stares went on for quite a while, or so it seemed, as neither of them knew how long it was. But then Mar’s tears found their way out. It seemed to be too much for her now, that her internal feelings were seeping out through her eyes. She could no longer comprehend her own emotions that they had to be let out somehow. She was completely overwhelmed.

“J-Jake”, she gasped out, and he himself snapped out of the trance he was in and immediately moved closer and knelt on the floor to be at eye level with her. She got startled once more and crawled back a bit. Everything seems so overwhelming to her, just his swift movement towards her was enough to knock the wind from her lungs. His eyes, though she wasn't so intimidated by his height, were still big by comparison, so she couldn't find much comfort in him now kneeling.

The moment Jake came closer, initially by curiosity, he could see that it was, in fact Mar, and how absolutely horrified she was.

"Hey – hey Mar, don't cry, it's okay,” He heard himself say, as softly as he could.

Mar couldn't contain her panic anymore. Her breathing was quickening and her heartbeat became so loud she could barely hear anything else. She found herself unable to respond. Her tears were spilling out like a water fall. She began spiraling into a panic attack, but everything stopped when she felt a touch on her cheek, or rather, the entire side of her face.

Jake didn't know what he was doing, either. He felt that her panic attack was getting out of hand and he needed to ground her somehow, bring her back to reality. So he extended his finger and lightly tapped her cheek. It seemed to have worked. But he was taken aback when he felt her tiny hands reach out to grab his finger. No further words have been said for another eternity while they stared at each other breathlessly. Jake was leaning his head on his forearm on the couch cushion, his other hand should retreating from Mar's face, though she seemed reluctant to let go.

"A -are you okay?” he asked in the softest whisper he could muster.

"I ... umm...” she mumbled. He could barely hear her, too. But he tried his best to listen regardless. "I can't say I am…”

"How did you...?” He didn't need to finish the question.

"I don't know… one moment everything was normal and the next-“ Lightning struck again, followed by thunder. Mar jolted again from the sudden loud noise and blinding light, and by instinct, Jake reached his arm out to shield her from the source of danger. He soon realized that there was no need and withdrew again.

" Mar.” His soft voice drew her attention back. His lips were the size of a table to her, and his face was big enough to fill her entire field of vision. she then raised her head to meet with his eyes- no words needed to express how unfathomable this whole situation was. Everything about him was intimidating to her. Everything except for his gaze. The look in his eyes was of concern, genuine regard for her well being. She never thought this would be something that would comfort her, especially at a time like this. After all they barely knew each other. Now he was the one thing that was keeping her sane. She could feel herself relax already just from looking at him- if only the situation would have allowed it.

“I-I-I don’t know what… how…” She started mumbling, drowning her words. “I just closed my eyes for a second… m-my head was spinning and I t-tried getting my painkillers but I couldn’t reach and-“ She choked on her words, but she figured he got the message: this wasn’t anything that she was capable of on the regular, it was the only time it happened and she had no idea how. Jake dared not move. She was spiraling into sobs, and he was afraid that if he moved, he’d only make it worse. But all he wanted was to pick her up and hug her, comfort her. She looked so fragile, so frail. He got the weird urge to protect her from the world, hold her close and keep her safe- but he restrained himself. Any movement he might make could get her to fall into another panic attack.

But alas… the panic attack came anyway. When Jake snapped out of his train of thought he saw she was on her knees, crying uncontrollably and her breathing was uneven and short- he was so lost I thought he missed her beginning to overthink… shit.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’ll be alright.” He said now aloud, rather than with his eyes. He stretched his finger to touch her arm, to try to bring her back to reality.

“How is this okay?!” She snapped. “You’re not five inches tall! Your life didn’t turn upside down in a second!” Mar was now shouting, which caught Jake off- guard and he flinched, retreating his finger.

“It WILL be okay,” he corrected himself, unintentionally cutting her off. It was rather easy to cut her off, of course. His voice was dominating in comparison. “Take your PTOs, take sick leave, I’ll help you with whatever you need. Please, don’t worry about that right now.” His voice slowly retreated to its softness when he saw her face when he cut her off. She didn’t seem to be very eased by his words, but she didn’t say anything.

Mar took a deep breath. She felt uncomfortable with relying on her roommate now, for obvious reasons. They weren’t exactly friends, and she didn’t really know him all that well. They only knew each other through a mutual friend that recommended they move in together as roommates into a small apartment in proximity to their jobs and that fit their budget- merely for convenience. But now she had no choice.

“One thing at a time”, Jake broke the silence. Somehow, it felt like he was experienced with stressful situations. Or is he more experienced in situations like this? Mar nodded and took another deep breath as she relaxed her muscles. She looked around again. Even though nothing seemed to be okay, and everything is still absolutely huge, Jake’s presence seemed to be able to calm her down a bit. She looked back up at him and saw that same old protective concern on his face. Now it started to piss her off a little. As if she was that weak that she needed him to be concerned for her. She isn’t THAT helpless.

As for Jake, he saw her looking at him and after a minute her expression changed. One second, she looked terrified, so out of her depth, and the next she looked at him with displeasure, seemingly because of him. He was taken aback but said nothing. That was weird, he thought, but he didn’t think anything more of it.

Mar looked down onto the floor from where she was standing on the couch. Before any of them could react properly- she jumped. Then, she regretted it all immediately. A part of her wanted to act independently in rebellion to how jake was thinking of her, but that was objectively a bad idea. That was super dangerous, and she knew it. Rather than just getting up and walking off like usual she could break a limb.

But before she hit the floor something soft yet uneven and rough stopped her fall. It still hurt a bit to fall onto it but definitely better than the cold hard floor. Looking around she slowly followed the surface with her eyes just to realize Jake caught her and stopped her fall with his hand. She yelped and backed away only to be blocked by the wall of fingers. She was merely the size of his thumb. Mar looked up to his face, looming over her like a skyscraper and blocking the light from the ceiling lamp. His face wore an even more worried expression, and his breathing was quickened.

“Don’t scare me like that.” He breathed out. She could hear a bit of anger in his voice. “Please don’t ever do something like that again.” Jake pleaded. Mar nodded. She only then realized she was also a bit short of breath.

Mar’s neck started to hurt from craning it so much to look at him, so she lowered it back down. As she did so, ran her hand over jake’s. It was emitting a little bit of heat, and she thought to herself how she never knew there were so many ridges and bumps on the human skin. Now that she was the size of a new eraser, she had more of a glimpse at the things no one ever notices or cares to pay attention to.

Jake could feel her hovering over his skin. Her touch was so tiny he could barely feel it. She just scared him half-to-death when she jumped off the sofa and now, she seemed to be in a world of her own. Her mind must be doing backflips just to keep her from going insane. He sighed. He cannot imagine how she might be feeling. He began slowly raising his hand to place her back on the couch, but when she looked up at him again, and he saw her craning her neck so much, he raised her all the way to his face and sat up. Mar extended her hand and touched his face. That seemed to set off the waterworks again. With her hand still on his cheek she began crying uncontrollably. Jake felt his heart break. He really was, finally, at a loss for words as he watched his tiny friend break down right in front of him.

#g\t #giant tiny #g/t community #sfw g/t #size difference #g/t fluff #gt community #sfw gt #giant\tiny #gt #gt fluff #oc: mar #oc: jake #original characters #original story #oc story #oc writing

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green-socks · 2 years

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Who You Are

Pairing: Adrian Chase/Vigilante x gn!reader

Summary: You take Adrian to a work event, but the night causes some insecurities to rise for him. You assure him that he's perfect just as he is.

Words: 1.4k

Warnings: None, really. Some insecurity and some misunderstanding I guess but nothing major.

Notes: My first time writing Adrian, eek! This is super self-indulgent, as might be obvious lol, but what is fic writing if not self-indulgence, so I just let it out. Maybe someone else can relate, and if not, hope you enjoy anyway! Thank you to @a-reader-and-a-writer and @yespolkadotkitty for looking this over and assuring me it's not crap <3 And a general thank you to @mandocrasis for the constant thotting&plotting. The spark to write this came from you.

MASTERLIST

You thought you’d seen everything when your boyfriend showed you his Vigilante costume.

You have seen him at his most dangerous, almost unrecognizable from the adorable dork he usually is. You have seen him at his most natural, stripped naked both from clothes as well as any pretenses. You know Vigilante, but you know the regular Adrian best. Better than anyone else, you dare say.

You know the Adrian with rumpled hair, in a slightly torn t-shirt and those faded sweatpants, playing games on his computer. You know the Adrian who gives you a deep analysis on his morning cereal like it’s fine wine. The Adrian who blushes endearingly when you tell him he’s doing a good job. The Adrian who will literally bend over backwards or jump over hurdles (such as the couch) to help you in any way he can.

That Adrian you know.

“Babe, are you ready to go? I know you don’t like being late so I really think we should leave now,” he says as he appears in the bathroom door frame.

This Adrian? Him you’ve never seen before.

“Oh my god, Adrian,” you gasp at a loss for any more words.

“What?” He stops in his tracks. “Oh man, is the suit wrong? Chris said the color was unusual, I should have listened, he always knows more about these things! I guess I could find another real quick somewhere, or maybe it’ll be dark there and no one will see–”

“Baby, no, you look amazing!” you rush to reassure him, still gaping at the transformation. “I’ve just never seen you in a suit before. You look like fucking Prince Charming or something!”

“Really? You think it’s okay?” The relief is clear in his voice.

“Yes! Now let’s go so we won’t be late, I’d feel bad for not getting to show you off,” you wink at him.

To be completely honest, you had been a little bit nervous about taking Adrian to this work event since this wasn’t his usual style or scene at all, afraid he wouldn’t enjoy himself. You’d even told him he doesn’t have to wear a suit, but damn he had cleaned up well. It’s clear you’re not the only one impressed by his looks tonight with the way your boyfriend is turning heads left and right. The old lady brigade of your office is giggling in increasing volume at everything he says, and you decide it's best to go save him from their claws before it’s too late. You’ve seen what they get like when there’s tequila. Even so, you take a weird satisfaction in knowing that you’re the only one who actually gets to call him pretty and watch how his legs tremble just a little bit when you do.

At one point you notice him squinting at a menu a lot, and you realize something.

“Wait, Adrian, why aren’t you wearing your glasses? You know you can’t see as well with your contacts.”

“Well, I thought I’d look more sophisticated and serious without them,” Adrian explains thoughtfully.

“Honey, no work event is worth getting a headache over, at least not like that. Besides, I think your glasses look both sexy and cute. There’s nothing wrong with them!”

“You really think so?” Adrian looks very pleased.

This is now the second time tonight Adrian has been surprised at you finding him good-looking and assuring him he’s perfect, and that makes your stomach twist painfully. Do you really not tell him that enough? Does he really worry about you not liking how he looks or how he is? It makes you feel absolutely awful to think that he has felt like that, that you haven’t been there enough for him. Maybe you should remember to be even more vocal about how much you appreciate him? Adrian does seem to appreciate hearing you praise him.

You make a vow then and there to remember to say out loud how much you adore and appreciate him, but it still puts a damper on your mood for the rest of the night. The last thing you want is to make Adrian feel less than, when he always makes you feel so good about yourself, and the guilt is making it hard to enjoy the festivities.

An hour and a half later Adrian quietly suggests you two head out, and you agree instantly. On the ride home you’re both much, much more quiet and subdued than usual, and you wonder if there’s something weighing on Adrian’s mind too. Maybe the party had been too overwhelming for him, and you hadn’t supported him enough.

When you get home, the weird silence lingers, and you don’t really know how to break it. Adrian is usually the one to lighten the air just by being.. well, himself, but again, for the second time tonight you find you’re not really familiar with this version of Adrian. He looks tired, but it’s more than that. It’s like he’s preparing for a blow even while being too tired to do anything but collapse on your couch.

You’re convinced you have done something to hurt him, and it’s eating your insides to see him like this.

“Adrian, baby, is– is everything okay? Did I do something? Was the party horrible? Does your head hurt again?”

He lifts his head and visibly tenses. “No, of course you didn’t do anything wrong, why would you think that?”

“Well you seem really quiet, and sort of.. not like yourself,” you say tentatively. “Not that you always have to be full of energy, but you kind of seem like you’re avoiding something, like maybe.. me.”

“I just didn’t wanna embarrass you,” Adrian mumbles.

“What? How–”

“At the party. I didn’t want to embarrass you by being annoying and loud and behaving badly, like I always do, because it was really important and your work is really important and you’re so smart and professional and I’m so proud of you, and so I tried to stay quiet and not annoy anyone, I really tried babe, but then you seemed a little sad and I thought you must be upset with me because I didn’t know how to act there, and I get really tired focusing on not being annoying even when I don’t always know why I’m annoying, and that’s why I’m just super tired right now, I’m sorry babe.”

Adrian explains the issue with his usual fast pace, and you try to hang on as best you can, feeling like a bucket of cold water has been poured on your head the longer he speaks.

“Adrian, honey, I am so so sorry if I have ever made you feel like I’m embarrassed by you,” you speak through the lump in your throat. “I am not embarrassed by you – in fact I am proud to be with you. I appreciate you coming with me tonight and trying to fit in like that, but you don’t have to do that. I would rather you feel comfortable than care what anyone else thinks.”

“You mean you don’t have a list of things I did wrong that you want to go over with me now?” Adrian asks, still unsure.

“No, I absolutely do not,” you assure him with conviction. “If anything, I could make a list of all the things you did right, because I really enjoy being with you baby. I don’t think you behave badly, I thought you were very polite and charming!”

You’re starting to realize that maybe you really do need to pay attention to affirming and praising him – and not just about his looks – because it hits you that what you are saying right now is the complete opposite of what Adrian has been told all his life. Even his friends tell him he’s too much, and yeah, maybe sometimes you can see that, but you’ve never felt like it or that he would need to rein himself in in some way. And you’ve certainly never been embarrassed to be his.

“I would never want you to change who you are, baby, because I love who you are,” you whisper, reaching out to cup his cheek to make sure he understands you mean it.

For once it seems Adrian is speechless, but what he can’t say in words he conveys in fierce hugs and kisses, and you have no trouble understanding he returns the three words even without him saying them. Very quickly he returns to his usual self, the exhaustion apparently all forgotten now.

----------------------------------------------

#adrian chase x reader #vigilante x reader #adrian chase x you #peacemaker fanfic #i still don't know what i'm doing #i accidentally wrote something

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tarynbroke · 1 year

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[ intro ]:

After weeks and weeks of reading the top three things I learned from my time in COM 2206 is Listening, Emotions, & Relationship dynamics. These three lessons are things that I already had an understanding of but, after the course my knowledge was expanded.

[listening ] :

In chapter eight of the book “Interplay: The Process of Interpersonal Communication,” the notion of Hearing vs Listening is introduced. I had never given much thought of the difference between the two. Quite frankly, I thought hearing and listening were the same thing. However, listening and hearing are not the same. Hearing is defined as the process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain. While listening occurs when the brain reconstructs these electrochemical impulses into a representation of the original sound and then gives them meaning (Robinshaw, 2007). In other words, hearing is automatic, and listening is not. This is but a small portion of the lesson yet still significantly important and impactful to me. Furthermore, the chapter shares that it is a survival mechanism to block out irritating sounds automatically and unconsciously. These sounds can range from the roar of a passing car or the humming of a fan. The realization that listening takes effort helped me better understand others and myself. After completing this section of the course my understanding and appreciation of listening has been changed.

[ emotions ] :

The next thing that stood out to me can be found in chapter nine. Specifically, the physiological changes emotions bring. I am no expert in this, but I do know how our emotions have physical impact on our bodies. I’ve seen and experienced it firsthand of the effects emotions have. In this section of the chapter, it is discussed on how research supports the notion that emotions are not just in the mind but throughout the body (Nummenmaa et al., 2014). The body physically reacts to our emotions but what does that mean in the bigger picture. The emotion of disgust may physically make your stomach turn, fear can tighten your chest, anger can cause muscle tension and headaches, and happiness can make you feel warm all over. With this in mind, how does this mentally effect the body. For example, if you’re stopped behind a car at a red light and the light finally turns green but the car in front of you isn’t moving several emotions might kick in. If you’re confused you might just sit and wait for the car in front of you to finally start moving. If you’re irritated you might hit the horn a couple of times. Are these reactions a make up of our bodies physical change or emotional. I don’t have a solid answer, but it makes me conscious of my everyday interactions with others. I can make better decisions by trying not to let my emotions have too much of an effect on me.

[ relationship dynamics ] :

The last greatest thing that stuck with me from COM 2206 is relationship dynamics which is in chapter ten. The stages of relational development are what I found extremely interesting. One of the best-known models of relational stages was developed by Mark Knapp (Knapp et. al., 2020), who broke the increasing and declining of relationships into ten steps that involve coming together and coming apart. Mostly everyone knows not all relationships we have are the same. We interact with others differently based upon the depth or stage of the relationship. Seeing it broken down with the various terminologies really put things into perspective for me. After reading all the different stages I took a moment to analyze them against my own relationships which was fun to see and put together. Weirdly enough it also makes me feel less nervous interacting with others knowing that everyone goes through these stages. I think seeing it laid out in the manner to me will have great impact for all future interactions and relationships with other individuals.

[ closing ] :

I have enjoyed my time in COM 2206, there was a lot to learn about interpersonal communication that it was a little difficult to pick my top three. I wish to continue and learn more about communication in the future. All that I have learned from this class will serve me greatly with all future interactions I will take part in.

References

Adler, R. B., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor, R. F. Interplay: The Process of Interpersonal Communication. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2021.

H., Robinshaw. "Acquisition of hearing, listening, and speech skills by and during key stage." Early Child Development and Care (2007): 177,661-678.

Knapp, M. L., Vangelisti, A. L., & Caughlin, J. P. Interpersonal communication and human relationships (8th ed.). Dubuque, IA: Kendall Hunt, 2020.

Nummenmaa, L., Glerean, E., Hari, R., & Hietanen, J. k. "Bodily maps of emotions." PNAS 111 (2014): 646-651.

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whump-or-whatever · 2 years

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Whumptober Day 1

Prompts: A little out of the ordinary - adverse effects | unconventional restraints | “this wasn’t supposed to happen”

Fandom: Sanctuary

Context: AU where there were 6 members who injected the source blood back in Oxford. R.J. Leer was the 6th. They are a very strong telepath and empath, with other mental abilities the extent of which are not fully known. The source blood also made them immortal like Helen.

John broke into the Sanctuary (with the help of a coerced Tesla), and entered the habitat of an abnormal which emits a strong electrical pulse when startled. He did so thinking it might help calm the energy being he carries. Afterwards, he teleported out. Magnus, Tesla, and Leer are looking for him, worried about what he could be up to.

Summary: Leer overextends themself when trying to locate John long distance.

• • •

R.J. was in an entirely different world. As they sat on the medbay bed in the Sanctuary, their mind was entirely focused on searching for John’s presence. They had narrowed their field of perception, elongating what was naturally a circular range and shifting it entirely in one direction. At this point, their view was essentially a straight line, and it was becoming more difficult to maintain the intense focus of the search.

The further away they looked, the more tired they grew, and the hazier their perception became. This is why they almost skimmed right past John, before registering the familiar twinge of his presence. R.J. locked on to that feeling, forcing their mind into focus on it. They had found the man somewhere in Scotland, though they couldn’t pinpoint an exact location, as it was taking almost all they had just to hold the connection.

Leer decided it would be too risky to try scaling back to get a proper location, fearing they wouldn’t be able to reach his mind again to get any actual information. Drawing up absolutely every ounce of energy they could, R.J. entered John’s mind enough to see through his eyes.

He was walking down a city sidewalk. His eyes were following a woman, who was walking some distance ahead of him. As whe continued along the concrete, his gaze shifted to one side. A statue of a man on a horse on an ornate base came into view. R.J. realized what they were seeing right before everything went black.

• • •

Helen was watching the monitors. Not much had changed, other than a slight increase in heart beat, but not enough to cause major concern. She turned her attention to R.J., noting that their brow was furrowed in concentration. They were very still, and it took Magnus a moment to realize why. They were holding their breath. “Bloody hell,” she cursed.

This jolted Nikola from his brooding, and he turned around just in time to see Leer slump forward. Helen caught them before they could fall off the bed, and Nikola moved to help her lay them flat on their back. He looked to the monitor, “their pulse is fine, what happened?”

“They weren’t breathing.” Helen put her ear over R.J.’s mouth, looking down their chest. “They are now though, their body shut their mind down to force them to breathe.”

“So they should be fine then?” Nikola asked.

“Yes, but this could have been far worse. Their heart could have stopped, we have no idea how their body diverts energy to allow them to focus their power. All we know is that it produces far more energy than normal to fuel their abilities.” Helen spoke scoldingly.

Nikola put his hands up in surrender, “alright, why don’t we just wait til they wake up to argue about this.”

Helen fumed, but sat back down beside the bed to keep watch over her patient.

• • •

R.J. awoke with a start and immediately brought their hand up to their head, groaning at the splitting pain eminating from behind their brow. They felt a gentle hand on their arm, as Helen said, “R.J., it’s alright. How are you feeling?”

Slowly becoming accustomed to the headache, they cracked their eyes open a sliver to see Helen’s concerned face. Closing their eyes against the bright lights of the room, they responded, “like I took a crowbar upside the head.”

Helen smiled weakly. “Do you remember what happened?” she asked.

R.J. froze as the image of the statue blazed in their mind’s eye. “Glasgow.” they said, pushing themself up into a sitting position. They felt a wave of nausea at the movement, and rested their head in their hands as it passed. “Helen, aspirin?” they asked quietly. She smiled kindly and nodded, getting up to grab some from the cabinet.

“Glasgow? As in Scotland?” Tesla asked, stepping up to the edge of the bed.

“Yes.” R.J. confirmed to Tesla as they accepted two tablets and a small cup of water from Helen, nodding their thanks. They swallowed the pills down quickly.

“How can you be sure?” Helen asked.

R.J. allowed the image of the statue to flash in the minds of Tesla and Magnus.

“The Duke of Wellington,” Tesla muttered, immediately beginning to wonder what Druitt was doing there.

“Okay, so we have a location, but currently I’m more concerned with what happened in gaining it. You stopped breathing, R.J.” Helen said.

“Well, that would explain why I passed out.” R.J. said. Helen tilted her head at them, indicating that further explanation was needed. Leer relented, “I was already stretched pretty thin when I picked up on his presence. I used what energy I had to see where exactly he was. I suppose my body had to divert energy from certain autonomic processes to achieve this.”

“You managed to power down an organ? Okay, now that’s cool,” Nikola said as he smiled. R.J.’s lips quirked in response.

Helen looked at him in disbelief, “No, it’s not.” She looked back at Leer, “what if it had been your heart instead?”

R.J. thought about this for a moment. “I don’t think that could have happened. Divert energy from breathing and I pass out, so I’m no longer in control and my body forces me to breathe. You can’t start a heart back up the way you can breathing.”

“You don’t think it could have happened. Well, that is very reassuring.” Helen said sarcastically. “You can’t push yourself like that, it’s dangerous .”

R.J. nodded in agreement, “Trust me, I don’t intend to provide an encore.”

Helen relaxed slightly in relief. She had know R.J. long enough to know they did not have a death wish, they were just selfless and pacifistic to the point of recklessness at times.

“Did you get any sense of what old Johnny is doing in Scotland?” Tesla asked.

R.J. shifted one knee up to lean an elbow on. “He was walking behind a woman. I don’t know if he was tailing her on purpose or if she was just there. I only got the images, none of the underlying emotions or thoughts.”

“This insight is invaluable. Thank you, R.J.” Helen said. She was still concerned over what had happened, but Leer seemed to be doing alright now, and Magnus was more certain now than before that they had to get to John.

R.J. nodded. They could sense her inner conflict. ‘I apologize for scaring you like this, Helen. I assure you, it will not happen again.’ they spoke in her mind.

‘It had better not.’ Helen thought in response, but it was lighthearted. ‘I’m just glad you’re okay.’

R.J. smiled, ‘me too.’

• • •

#whumptober2022 #no.1 #adverse effects #sanctuary #fic #passing out #telepathic whumpee #immoral whumpee #whump #whump writing #empathic whumpee

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sdharasds1 · 2 years

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randomshyperson · 3 years

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Wanda Maximoff x Dom!Reader - No jealousy

Summary: You and Wanda have an established relationship, and you were away for two weeks due to a mission. Wanda is testing your limits, and everyone seems to insist that you are jealous.

Warnings: (+18), Smut, Switch!Reader (most dominant reader), power dynamics change, bottom!wanda, teasing, spanking; also mentions of torture, heavy past etc.

Notes: I've been trying to bring in a little bit of dom reader, and it turned out to be a bit of switch or soft!dom reader, but it's still pretty dom I think. Let me know what you think please ‘cause i’m not sure i’m writing smut correctly haha. Nota em português: Eu fui traduzir a expressão "que baixaria" e não achei nada em inglês que tivesse o mesmo impacto, fiquei bem chateada kkkk que pegar a referencia finge que é engraçado imaginar o Bucky falando isso na cena da cozinha obrigada.

Words: 5.555 K || Read on AO3

Marks: @mionemymind @abimess

Translations: Scheiße = Shit || Amerikanischer Müll = American Trash.

//-//

Avengers Compound, New York, Present.

Throwing your jacket against the kitchen counter, you sighed in irritation.

Steve was mumbling something about responsibility and morals and you have a headache.

"Are you even listening to me?" Steve asked irritated and you let out a dry laugh as you looked around for something to drink.

"Sure, cap." You snickered without looking at him, and Steve let out an impatient sigh.

"I need you to start being careful, we can't risk the safety of the team..."

"Is anyone hurt, Steve?" You interrupted without a patient, punching the countertop. Steve was startled by your sudden response, but you didn't back down. Natasha and Bucky who were entering just behind you, exchanged glances before heading outside.

"This is not the point."

"That's the only thing that matters." You retort angrily. "I will do whatever is necessary." You assure seriously. "You worry about morality in the meantime."

Steve lets out an irritated sigh.

"You're not listening to me." He resumes crossing his arms. "There are lines we must not cross, or we are no different than those we face." He continued in earnest, and you rolled your eyes, finally finding a drink under the counter, and grabbing one of the glasses from the sink to pour yourself. "We need boundaries. If you don't change this attitude, you are no different than Hydra..."

The glass in your hand breaks, startling Steve again.

"Don't ever say something like that again." You angrily warn him and he frowns worried about the shards and that you might have hurt yourself, but you just turn and walk out of the kitchen.

You walk into the first bathroom you find, heading toward the sink to clean your hand. You watch carefully as the glass falls from your skin and the wounds close up.

You stare at your reflection in the mirror. Even though you have spent the last few hours in conflict, there is no bruise. You have even been shot twice, but no one could tell if it weren't for the torn fabric on your shirt. No one would know about the explosion you survived if it weren't for the ashes on the fabric. You were perfect fighting machine, exactly as Hydra wanted you to be.

Pushing away the painful memories that threatened to dwell in your mind, you turned off the faucet and wiped your hands, leaving the bathroom afterwards.

//-//

Hydra Military Base, Old Sokovia Area, 8 hours ago.

You rummage through the metal drawers impatiently. This mission is taking too long, and you are starting to get annoyed by the lack of action. Silence is never a good sign in jobs like this.

And then as if the universe was listening to your complaints, you heard a noise of something falling.

" Sounds to the north, I'm going to investigate." You warned your companions over the communicator, starting to move. Steve said something about waiting for reinforcements, but you were already opening the mechanical door, a pistol in your left hand.

The impact of two shots pushed you backward, and you felt something run down your uniform, and then a sharp pain. Laughing lightly, you fell to your knees.

"We got one." You heard someone mutter, and then there was a man getting up from behind a table at the far end of the room. Another man stopped hiding from one of the bookshelves, and they walked over to you.

"Sure thing, friends." You grumbled panting slightly.

"Scheiße, we got the healer." The one with the mustache muttered as soon as he looked at you closely, and you let out a smug smile as he took a step back. Your colleague was pointing his gun at you again, but you were already grabbing his wrist as you stood up and threw him to the ground.

You fought for a few moments, and you made a mental note to thank Natasha for improving your fighting considerably since the last mission, soon you knocked him out.

The other man was fighting what appeared to be a bronze door that was jammed, and you pulled the bullets out of your shirt before you pulled him by the shoulders and threw him to the floor.

" Come on buddy, I don't have all day." You warned pointing your own pistol at the man, who looked at you angrily. "Tell me what you were doing around here."

"Amerikanischer Müll" He cursed and you rolled your eyes, moving to kick him in the nose.

The man gasped in pain as he lifted his head again, his nose bloodied.

"Do you want to try again?" You asked irritated and he spat blood before speaking again.

"We come back for what is ours." He replied with irritation, and you frowned in confusion. But before you could ask anything else, Steve and Natasha rushed into the place.

Natasha was in charge of the interrogation, it was her thing anyway, and you helped Steve open the jammed door.

You entered the room next, and you choked in surprise when your gaze met the files displayed on the holograms around the place.

"So what did you find in there?" You heard Nat ask through the communicator, but you didn't answer, trying to control the anger that was spreading throughout your body.

Displayed in front of you were the files of the Maximoff twins' experiments, several pictures of the tests Hydra had run on them. One particular video caught your attention. It was Wanda, lying on a stretcher, several leather chains holding her to the mattress while Hydra sent electric shocks through a machine to her head, making her scream. You broke the projector with one punch, and Steve tried to calm you down.

"Hey, breathe." He asked raising his hands to your shoulders. You shook your head, panting.

The sound of Wanda's scream still echoed through the room, even without the image, and you grunted in anger, pushing Steve away.

Natasha blinked in surprise when you stormed into the room next, interrupting her interrogation when you kicked the Hydra agent in the chest. She took two steps back, surprised at your anger, but she barely had time to be shocked and you were already lifting the agent by his shirt in the air.

"How could you do that to them?" You asked angrily, throwing the agent to the ground. The man laughed helplessly, spitting blood. Steve grabbed you next, and you threw him across the room.

"They were always ours to play with." The man grumbled and you stepped forward again, kicking him in the face. He laughed bewilderedly, practically choking on his own blood. "Just like you."

"You'll pay for that." You muttered angrily and then punched him in the face. The man just laughed and that increased his fury. "What the fuck are you laughing at?"

The man started to choke and then he spit something out. You let him go.

"Hail Hydra." He muttered, and you had exactly one second to realize that the small device he spit out was the tip of one of the special grenades that Hydra agents have started carrying since last year. Hugging him quickly, you threw yourself against the window in front of you, and then he exploded at you as you fell through the air to the street.

When you hit the ground, you grunted in pain.

Steve is calling you on the communicator, but the explosion damaged the equipment and the noise is very disturbing, so you ripped the item out of your ear and threw it to the ground.

As your body recovered, you stayed on the ground, trying to ignore the urge to burn the Hydra to the ground for hurting your friends.

//-//

Avengers Compound, New York, Present.

Wanda was not in her room.

You let out a tired sigh as you fiddled with your cell phone, but there was no message from her about having some other commitment that would justify her not being at the compound at the time she usually was watching her favorite shows.

After you showered and put on clothes that didn't have as many battle marks, you went to visit your girlfriend, but she wasn't there.

"Friday, where's Wanda?" You asked loudly in the hallway.

"Miss Maximoff is in the northern outer area, along with Mr. Vision." Announces the AI next and you frown.

Walking towards the location that Friday indicted, you crossed your arms when you saw through the glass of the compound, your girlfriend and her teammate laughing together.

They didn't see you, seeming distracted by their conversation.

"Wow, you look scary when you're jealous." Commented a voice from beside you suddenly, and you blinked in surprise as you noticed young Peter Parker approaching.

"Missed the school bus, kid?" you tease and Peter rolls his eyes, blushing slightly.

"I'm not trying to annoy you." He says stopping beside you, and looking in the same direction as you.

"I wouldn't recommend that either." You retort, feeling an irritation settle in the pit of your stomach as you watch Vision make Wanda laugh again. What the hell was so funny.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about you know?" Peter remarked after a moment. "I don't think Wanda sees Vision that way, they're just friends."

"I'm not jealous." You lied angrily, clearly jealous. Peter didn't want to contradict you however.

"Of course not." He said slightly startled. "I just... Wanda... She... You and her are a nice couple. Even if Vision has the stone, it's not something to worry about and..."

"Shut up, kid." You grumble angrily as you turn around, deciding to calm your nerves before you lose your mind and send Vision to the moon with one punch.

//-//

Having Pietro Maximoff as a brother in law was a pain in the ass most of the time.

You liked him in general, the problem was when he teased you, because he seemed to know exactly what to say to piss you off.

When you got back to the common room, he was on the couch, playing some stupid video game, and you sat down next to him and turned on the television.

It took him five minutes before he started to annoy you.

"My sister is getting along pretty well with Vision lately, isn't she?" He comments with a smile without taking his eyes off his cell phone. You squeeze the television control harder than necessary.

"Bite me."

Pietro laughs at your aggressiveness. Wanda and Vision enter the kitchen the next moment, their laughter slowly dying down. You don't take your eyes off the TV.

"Honey, I didn't know you were back already." Wanda says as soon as she sees you on the couch, smiling as she approaches you. She kisses your cheek, and frowns at your lack of reaction. You force a smile. "What's up?"

"Relax, little sister, she's kind of green today." Mocks Pietro, and you cast him an annoyed look, before looking back at Wanda.

"I'm just tired, babe." You say, stealing a quick kiss from her. Wanda seems to believe you and then walks away, heading toward the counter.

It takes three minutes for Vision to make a stupid comment and Wanda to laugh again, and you sigh in irritation.

"Wow, that's sad." Pietro teases again in a tone low enough for only you to hear. "Maybe you should watch your girl."

"I'll stick this remote in a place you won't like." You retort in the same tone and Pietro lets out a short laugh, turning his attention back to his cell phone.

You risk a backward glance next, and then the remote control breaks off in your hand. Vision is brushing a strand of hair out of Wanda's face, and she looks surprised and slightly embarrassed by the touch. Pietro laughs at your lack of control, but you stand up next, throwing the rest of the object to the ground and attracting the attention of the other two.

You glare angrily at Wanda before leaving.

//-//

You need to punch something.

So you go back to the training room, and put on the first pair of boxing gloves you can find.

Climbing into the ring quickly, you start punching the punching bag that Steve left over from the last training session.

It takes ten minutes for Wanda to find you.

"Y/N, what was that about?" she asks slightly annoyed as you approach. You are trying to maintain control so you don't rip the punching bag off the metal stand.

"Why don't you go laugh with your new best friend and leave me alone?" You retorted and Wanda frowned in confusion, then let out a dry laugh.

"Are you jealous?"

Your next punch rocks the iron support of the ceiling.

"No, Wanda." You retort as you stop punching, and start pulling off your gloves. Wanda crosses her arms and has a little smile on her face, which irritates you even more. " I don't feel jealous."

"Oh, yeah?" She responds with irony, and you are throwing the gloves on the floor, and approaching her. She takes a few steps back, impressed by your posture.

"Tell me dear, do I have reason to be?" You ask as you approach. "Everyone wants to remind me that that damn stone makes the toaster think that you two have some kind of connection and that I should be careful." You continue and then Wanda reaches for a wall, and you rest one of your hands beside her head, pinning her against your body. "But I know better. I have nothing to worry about."

"Y/N..." Wanda starts half breathlessly, trying to keep the look in your eyes, and failing.

"Am I wrong, baby girl?" You ask raising your free hand to her cheek, stroking her skin with your finger. "Is there anyone who makes you feel the way I do?"

Wanda sighs, denying with her head next. You give a smug little smile, placing your hand on her chin, and running your finger over her lower lip.

"Then why are you laughing so hard at that piece of tin, dear?" You questioned bringing your face closer to her neck, Wanda closed her eyes as you inhaled her perfume. "Did you want to make me angry? Did you want to be punished?"

Wanda gasps low, denying with her head. You begin to deposit wet kisses against her collarbone and move your hand down her body from her chin.

"God, Wanda, you've been so needy." You comment kissing a sensitive spot on her neck and making her sigh. "Needy enough to get wet with the toaster."

Your teasing makes Wanda grunt in irritation, and you let out a short laugh feeling her tighten the fabric of your shirt.

"What's the matter, baby? Are you angry with me?" You teased, pulling your face away from her neck. Wanda looked at you with a mixture of irritation and excitement.

"Don't say such things." She says half breathlessly. "Vision is just my friend. I don't... I don't see him like that."

You stare at her for a moment, and then back away completely.

"Ask your friend to help you cum then." You retort before turning away. Wanda lets out an impatient sigh, but she doesn't go after you.

//-//

Steve Rogers is testing your patience.

He set up weekly meetings with the team about social responsibilities and hero morality and whatever other patriotic crap he was following, and this was the first of them.

It had been forty minutes since he had been talking, and you were impressed that Tony Stark was still awake.

"And so we conclude that as the Avengers, it is our responsibility to make a difference." Steve spoke as he turned off the presentation.

"I'm thrilled." You grumbled next and the room looked at you. Steve sighed.

"Do you have anything to add, Y/N?" Steve asked seriously, and you let out a short laugh.

"Oh, of course." You say crossing your arms. "Maybe the rest of the team doesn't know but this whole bullshit is only happening because of me."

"Y/N..."

"No, cap, come on." You interrupt with irony. "Tell the team why you are making everyone learn about American history."

"Now I'm curious." Commented Tony looking at Steve, who just had a tired expression.

"This is not about pointing out mistakes." Steve says and you laugh.

"No, of course not." You retort with irony getting up. "This is about hypocrisy really."

"Kid..."

"Don't even go that way!" You interrupt angrily and then turn to Tony. "You want to know what happened? Great! Let's start with the Stark bomb that dropped on Sokovia!"

Tony blinks in confusion at your outburst, and the team looks at you with surprise and concern, while Steve holds up his hands to try to calm you down.

"Please, I'm not trying to-"

"No, Captain!" You shout. "You want to talk about moral values, don't you?" You sneer with irritation. "I have a list of shit that happens in this place."

"Stop it, now!" The captain asked angrily, and you looked at him incredulously. "You killed someone!" He charges and the team looks at you in surprise. "That's not how we do things here..."

"We have killed thousands of civilians in New York." You interrupt coldly. "Every building that fell to the ground had a family on every floor. Not to mention the missions that came after." You reminded them and Steve clenched his jaw.

"That was different."

"They hurt Wanda."

"Y/N."

You shoved Steve in the shoulders, and he took a step back. Tony and Natasha stood up.

"I'm going to kill every agent that was in that lab." You tell him. "Everyone who hurt her is going to pay."

Your colleagues look in shock at your words, but you just turn away, opening the door angrily.

In the hallway, Wanda caught up with you.

"What was all that about?" She asked worriedly as you leaned against the wall, breathing hard.

"I hate the hypocrisy of this team." You retorted with irritation, but your anger subsided considerably when Wanda placed her hand on your cheek, asking you to look at her.

"Talk to me."

You sighed, touching your foreheads together.

"On the last mission, I...we found the decommissioned base where you got your powers." You count and Wanda blinks in surprise. "I lost control when I looked at the files."

"Honey..."

"Wanda." You interrupt with a weak smile. "Please, you can't agree with them."

"I don't." She adds as she strokes your cheek, "I'm just sorry you had to see it."

You shrug, letting your arms hug your waist.

"You're not angry? Or who knows, disappointed?"

Wanda denies with her head.

"I feel the same way about you." She says. "I can't think about the people who arrested you without wanting to blow up everything around me."

You laugh lightly.

"That's some shit Steve doesn't want to understand." You say next and Wanda sighs.

"I think he understands, honey." Wanda says and you blink in confusion, "It's the same thing with Bucky."

You sigh looking away.

"Shit, you're right." You grumble, and then add with a slight smile. "Maybe he was upset about the explosion."

Wanda frowns in confusion. And then she nudges you slightly when you tell her your little story with the grenade.

"Have you lost your mind?" She asks angrily. "Don't you ever do anything like that again!"

"Hey, I was saving the ass of those two mortals in the room" You complain humorously, but Wanda sighs impatiently.

"My god, this is all just because Steve must have been worried to death that something was going to happen to you!" She says and you frown.

"What are you talking about?"

"Honey, the captain is just trying to get you to behave." She clarifies. "He doesn't want you to abuse your powers, and put yourself at risk for no reason. Honestly, I don't want to either."

You stand thoughtfully for a few minutes and then sigh.

"Damn, now I'm going to have to apologize."

Wanda makes a noise of agreement with her mouth and moves closer, stealing a quick kiss from you. She smiles when you try to kiss her back, pulling away.

"What?"

"I remembered that I'm mad at you." She says and you look at her with confusion.

"What did I do?"

"That scene earlier in the gym." She says and you sigh impatiently. "It wasn't nice."

"You're being so mean." You retort and Wanda flashes you a small smile before turning away, walking in the opposite direction.

You decide that you should apologize to the rest of the team and return to the conference room.

//-//

Wanda was being a brat.

After you apologized to the team, and Steve made it clear that he was concerned and that he understood your anger, but that there were better ways to deal with what Hydra did to the people you love, the atmosphere eased a lot. And you were hoping to spend some time with your girlfriend, but she was too busy teasing you.

She spent the last few minutes cooking with Vision. The guy who didn't eat food.

You rolled your eyes impatiently as you threw yourself on the couch, a newspaper in your hands.

"This is ridiculous, honey" You mentally warned her as you noticed her gaze on you. Wanda didn't sketch any reaction as she cooked.

"Sorry, weren't you the one who said I was, what was the word, needy?" You heard her sneer in your head. You bit your lips to keep from smiling.

"Clearly you are, dear."

"And whose fault is that?" She retorted and you frowned, attracting the attention of Bucky who was standing next to you. You smiled slightly, telling him that it was just a news report about the new political changes that had taken your attention, and then turned your focus back to the newspaper.

"What are you talking about?" You asked Wanda in your thoughts.

"You were gone for two weeks." She complained, and you took your eyes off the paper to look into the kitchen. Wanda had her back to you, stirring with a spoon in one of the pots. Vision stood next to her, watching the procedure. You clenched your jaw. "I've been all by myself."

"Are you trying to piss me off, Wanda?" You ask angrily, watching the redhead meters in front of you signal for Vision to come closer to take a look at the pot.

"I'm not doing anything." She thinks sounding harmlessly, and you close the paper tightly as you watch Vision cast her a shy smile.

Bucky looks at you curiously.

"Everything okay?" He asks and you nod as you stand up toward the kitchen.

"Wanda, I want to talk to you." You tell her stopping with your arms crossed in front of the counter. Wanda flashes you a little smile.

"I'm busy right now, honey." She retorts as she returns the spoon to the pot, stirring the mixture.

"We're making Sokovian food." Completed Vision with a smile, but you completely ignored him.

"I'm going to count to three." You warn and Wanda swallows dryly, looking at you.

"I don't..."

"Room now, or I'll make you cum against the kitchen counter."

Wanda's eyes widen, and Vision looks extremely surprised. The redhead ducks her head and walks out of the kitchen, you following her. Bucky mumbles something like "for the love of god, why all that obscenity" as you leave.

//-//

There is a palpable tension in the air during the silent walk to your room.

When Wanda opens the door and walks inside, you sigh as you close the door.

"What was that in the kitchen, dear?" You ask her as you unbutton your shirt, Wanda looks at you next, biting her lower lip in anticipation. "Insinuating that I don't pay enough attention to you. Teasing me with Vision."

"I'm sorry." She mumbles softly and you shake your head slightly, taking off your shirt and standing in just your bra. Wanda blushes and takes a step toward you, but you just hold up your finger.

"I'm going to be in charge tonight, honey." You warn as you take off your shoes. "By the way, you do look a beautiful thing in that skirt. I could barely control myself during the meeting."

Wanda smiles with embarrassment, looking away to the floor. You approach, lifting her chin with your finger slowly.

"Can I undress you?" you ask and she sighs softly, nodding afterwards. You drag your finger from her chin down, around her silhouette. When you get to shoulder height, you drag the left strap to the side, and then repeat the motion on the right. Wanda's blouse loosens on her body, and you watch her chest rise and fall rapidly, her breathing out of rhythm.

You raise your other hand next, and turn your gaze to Wanda. In a twist of your hands, you tear the fabric in front, and Wanda moans softly.

"Are you anxious, baby?" You ask her as the fabric falls away, and you run a finger down her torso to the hem of her skirt. Wanda swallows dryly. "You must be so wet."

Wanda sighs, closing her eyes momentarily. You begin to remove your skirt next, and let out a low growl when you realize there is nothing underneath as the material falls away.

"Wanda, Wanda, Wanda." You scold her maliciously, looking at her exposed intimacy and feeling your mouth fill with water. "Absolutely sinful."

Wanda sighs, moving slightly forward. You bite your lips, noticing her red cheeks. Her body cries out to be touched.

"That's no way to behave, honey." You tell her, lifting your fingers to push up the straps of your bra. "Exposed during a team meeting. Tsk, what a naughty girl."

Wanda whimpers, and you smile. "Is that what you wanted, babe?" You ask as you unzip her bra. " For me to put my fingers in you under the table? Make you come in my hand while everyone watched?"

"Please." She sighs in a husky voice. "Kiss me."

"Where?"

"Anywhere."

You give a little smile at your girlfriend's breathless confession, and lower your face to the height of her neck, just as her bra falls to the floor. Depositing wet kisses all the way down, you listen to Wanda sigh with each touch of your lips against her skin.

When you reach her breasts, you raise your right hand to play with the hardened nipple between your fingers while using your mouth on the other breast, and Wanda throws her head back, moaning with her mouth open. Sucking and licking the flesh, you delight in the sounds you get from her.

"Babe, please." She pleads breathlessly. "Touch me."

You smile as you release her hardened nipple, raising your face to the height of Wanda's.

"I'm sorry, baby, but it's not going to be that easy." You warn as you squeeze her breast with a full hand. "You need to be punished for today."

Wanda sighs and then you kiss her intensely, making her stumble back, but your hand on her waist holds her against you.

Your tongue invades her mouth, and Wanda moans against your lips, her hands moving up to your neck. You smile as you lift your hands to hers to put them down.

"You can't touch." You warn between kisses and Wanda sighs, letting your tongue tangle in hers sensually.

You begin to lower your kisses again, and Wanda writhes against you, her fists clenched in an effort to resist the urge to touch you. You lick the length of her neck and one of her hands touches your waist.

"What a disobedient brat." You tease against her skin, and then use your right hand to slap her ass, making Wanda moan loudly. You wish to see the mark, so you hug Wanda around the waist, bringing your bodies together, and look down. The bright red mark. Wanda whimpers against you, her other hand coming up to your belt, and you pull away only to kiss her on the lips hard enough to leave her helpless.

As she begins to play with the beam of your belt, you slap her ass again, on the other side, and her knees buckle slightly.

"Fuck." She whimpers breathlessly, and you bring your hand to her neck, forcing her to keep her gaze on you.

"Get on the bed." You command and Wanda sighs, and then you release her. She moves to the mattress, ass thrusting toward you as she kneels on the bed, hands on the headboard.

"Will you be a good girl, Wanda?" You ask as you raise your hands to her ass, squeezing the flesh as she gasps.

"Yes."

"I don't believe you." You taunt, slapping her ass. She leans over, moaning. You spank her again, her body arching as she throws her head back, moaning with her mouth open.

Then you move forward, pulling her hair back as a hand slips between her legs, your fingers teasing her entrance and making her whimper.

"Look how wet you are, baby." You whisper against her ear, Wanda has her eyes closed tightly, her hips moving in search of more friction. "Were you missing me, love?"

"Yes." She gasps pushing her hips back, your fingers slipping inside and drawing sighs from both of you. But you withdrew them next, s Wanda whimpers. "Please, honey, touch me."

"You don't deserve it Wanda." You start against her ear. "But you feel so good, baby. So wet and hot, I can't resist."

You suddenly penetrate her with two fingers, deep and precisely, and Wanda cries out, moaning your name.

"Fuck, yes." She gasps moving her hips, you slide in and out with ease, feeling Wanda flushed.

"Look at you baby, crumbling in my fingers." You gasp, your hand releasing her hair as you drag it to her breast, squeezing the flesh.

"I...I 'm com..." Wanda begins to whimper and you smile, feeling her body quiver in spasms, the rhythm of her hips disablisting as her walls get tighter and you feel her pulsing in your fingers.

"Cum for me, baby girl." You whisper in her ear, and one stroke later is all it takes for Wanda to arch her back, coming on your fingers with her mouth open as she screams your name.

You withdraw your fingers as she falls to the mattress, turning to you next. Bringing your fingers to your mouth, you taste Wanda as she looks up at you with dilated pupils.

"You taste so good babe." You tell her with a smile, and Wanda raises her hands to your waist, asking you to climb on top of her.

You slowly shake your head, reaching up to remove your pants. Wanda bites her lips as she watches you undress.

"I want to show you something, honey." You tell her after removing your clothes, straightening to sit on her thigh. Wanda sighs as she feels your wet intimacy against her. "Do you like that?" You ask watching her reaction, Wanda raises her torso, bringing your faces closer together as her hands go to your waist. "Do you like how wet I get on top of you?"

"Fuck yes." She gasps against your lips, you begin to move against her thigh, feeling your eyes spin in their orbit with the sensation.

"What about you, Wanda?" You ask slipping your fingers into her again,making her bury her face in your neck. "Look at that baby, you're soaking wet too."

Wanda moans, her hands tightening around your waist as you feel your fingers in her. You increase the speed of your movements against her thigh at the same rate as your fingers move in and out of her, Wanda begins to force her hips to keep up.

"No one makes me feel like this, Wanda." You confess breathlessly, penetrating deep. "I am yours."

Wanda moans and forces herself to confess.

"And I am yours." She retorts groaning, and you feel her walls tightening in your fingers as the feeling at the tip of your stomach tightens.

"Let's cum together baby" You tell her breathlessly, and Wanda shudders nodding. Forcing your hips against her thigh, you gasp, trying to keep the rhythm in your fingers.

A few strokes later and you struggle to keep up, your body shaking in spasms. Wanda tightens her hands on your waist, forcing you down as you move in and out of her. Wanda begins to curse in Sokovian, moaning breathlessly, and you smile, feeling your eyes roll. And then you cum together a moment later.

You collapse against her, as Wanda falls onto the mattress. Depositing lazy kisses against her collarbone, you smile as she sighs, her fingers running up your back as you pull out of her.

"Was that enough attention honey?" You tease a minute later and Wanda laughs softly, biting her lips.

You raise your head to look at her, feeling your heart soar at the image of her lazy gaze, her lips puffy and parted.

"Do you love me?" You ask in a whisper and Wanda sighs.

"I do." She agrees and you raise your hand to her neck, your fingers strolling along her chin.

"Show me."

Wanda nods moving forward to kiss you on the lips.

#wanda maximoff #wandaxreader #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x you #bottom!wanda #bottom!wandamaximoff #dom!reader #softdom!reader #smut

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years

Text

Ateez: Breaking The Bed During Sex (Rated)

Contains NSFW content. Read at your own discretion.

Kim Hongjoong:

Ok, maybe you and Hongjoong were going at it a little too rough one day when you had the dorms to yourselves. Honestly it was quite funny to you both, once the shock died down. However you didn't want him to get in trouble, so you both lied about what happened, claiming ignorance. Hongjoong really wanted to say what happened, it was seriously such an ego booster, but he always held back....

Until one day when the other members were teasing him once again, calling him short and weak.

"I'm not weak." Hongjoong said confidently.

"You're the weakest one out of all of us!" Mingi pointed out.

Hongjoong was so done at this point that he ended up blurting out:

"I'm actually so strong that I broke the bed when I was fucking Y/N into the sheets!"

Everyone had a shocked face, some even covering their ears at such a revelation.

"If you don't believe me, ask her! But can any of you brag about something like that?!" Hongjoong continued.

The rest of the member's faces turned red.

"Wait! So you lied about not knowing what happened?" Seonghwa suddenly realized.

"Bitch! You even told our manager that you suspected it was me and Yunho!" San cried out, offended that he was a victim of the whole incident.

Ok, so maybe Hongjoong was definitely going to get scolded, but he does not regret anything.

Park Seonghwa:

As usual, Seonghwa was completely in his Dom persona, holding your legs open as he slammed his cock deep inside you. Only your pants and heavy breathing could be heard.

"F-fuck Seonghwa!" You cried out as you felt your orgasm coming.

"Cum for me baby, I want you to let it all out." He ordered you.

Order that you never got to fulfill since the front legs of the bed snapped out of place, sending you both falling to the front, your head hitting the wall. Dom Seonghwa was switched instantly to Mom Seonghwa.

"Oh my God! Are you all right?!" He exclaimed as he quickly got off you and examined the damage done.

"I'm fine, really." Although it did hurt, you didn't want him to go overboard with this.

"Are you sure? Do you want an ice pack? Do you want to go to the hospital? I'll put some clothes on and take you there right now."

He quickly got up and started pulling out something to wear for him and you. You honestly were just giggling at the situation right now. You both literally just broke the bed cause you were having sex and suddenly Seonghwa is freaking out.

"I think we have bigger problems than my head. How are you going to explain this to the others?" You asked him.

Seonghwa stopped when he realized you were right.

"Shit!" He cursed when he thought about what would happen when the others found out.

They were never going to let him live it down, that was for sure.

Jeong Yunho:

Yunho definitely got carried away and it backfired most inconveniently and at the worst possible moment.

You were currently on top of him, rolling your hips against his as you tried to chase your orgasm. Yunho could definitely tell you were about to explode anytime soon and that's just what he was waiting for, waiting for you to reach your high because he wanted to try something.

With a loud moan, you came all over him, your movements stopping as you were too sensitive to the touch. Yunho knew this, but that didn't stop him from suddenly gripping your hips in place and suddenly thrusting up into you at an animalistic speed.

"Y-Yunho- please! Don't! I-I can't!" You whimpered out from the overstimulation.

"Yes you can, and you will. I know you can take it." He groaned as his hand snaked up your neck.

You never got to find out if you could since suddenly the bed collapsed underneath you both, halting both of your actions.

"Did the bed just...?" Yunho couldn't even finish his sentence.

You nodded. "Yeah.....it really did."

You both sat there for a good minute or two, wondering what to do. That's when you playfully smacked his shoulder.

"This is why you shouldn't try things without telling me first!"

Kang Yeosang:

Yeosang tried to act as normal as possible, knowing it was only a matter of time before-

"Ahhhhhh! My bed is broken!!" Wooyoung screeched out, his arms flailing around the air as he ran to where the other members were.

"Say what?" Seonghwa asked.

"What did you do?" Hongjoong could already feel a headache coming.

"I didn't do anything! Seriously!" Wooyoung exclaimed.

"Then why is your bed broken? What happened?" Hongjoong asked.

"I don't know! That's what I want to know! All I did was come back today from my trip with my family, I sit my butt on my bed and suddenly the headboard falls off!" Wooyoung explained.

Yeosang tried to avoid eye contact with Wooyoung, knowing full well that the reason why the headboard was busted was because he fucked you on his best friend's bed since it was illogical for you two to use his bed given he had the top bunk.

"Yeosang, do you have any idea what might have happened?" Seonghwa asked him.

Putting on his best poker face, he simply shrugged.

"No idea."

Choi San:

You had already cum for the 6th time, but you still had 2 more to go since San wasn't quite finished with punishing you for trying to make him jealous earlier.

"San! Please!" You begged as his pace didn't slow down one bit, even after your 7th orgasm washed over you.

You were met with a slap to your ass, adding to the overstimulation.

"Shut up you little slut! If you're going to act like a whore, you'll get fucked like one." He growled as he kept ramming his cock inside you, rearranging your guts.

Your fingers clutched the sheets, face hidden in the pillow next to you as you tried not to scream so much, but even then your neighbors could prove hear you. They definitely heard though when your bed cracked and collapsed right underneath you. You looked up as San pulled himself off you, inspecting the damage.

"Well it's definitely broken." San said.

You face palmed. "No way? Really?"

You got up to clean yourself but San grabbed your wrist.

"Where are you going? Your punishment isn't over, and I'm adding more for using your sarcastic voice with me." San was already pushing you down on the floor.

"Really Choi San?! You broke my bed and you're still thinking of getting your dick wet?" He was unbelievable.

"I'll buy you a new bed later. One where we can fuck all day and it won't break."

Song Mingi:

Mingi had asked you if he could try being the Dom for once and you agreed, it could be a nice change for once and you did not regret it. He made you lay down and pleasured you for hours before he even lined himself up and started thrusting inside you.

"Oh my God!" You gasped when he put one of your legs around his shoulder, hitting at an angle that would send you cumming in seconds.

"Right there baby?" He smirked when he realized he hit your sweet spot and he began increasing his speed.

You came soon after, your walls clenching tight around him, making him get close to his own orgasm. He pulled out of you to cum all over your stomach and thighs, but as soon as his weight shifted on the bed, a cracking sound was heard and one of the legs broke.

"What just happened?" You asked him.

"Uh..... I think we broke the bed..." Mingi responded.

You both got up to make sure you weren't imagining things. Mingi started freaking out.

"Oh my God! I broke the bed! Hongjoong is going to kill me!" He began exclaiming, already imagining the older member grabbing him by the ear and taking him to his room.

"Sweetie calm down." You tried comforting him.

"I can't calm down! I broke the bed! And-" He paused as he thought about it for a second.

"Oh my god...."

"What?" You asked him.

His face suddenly donned the brightest smile ever.

"I broke the bed and it was cause I was fucking you so hard! How awesome is that?!"

Jung Wooyoung:

It was definitely risky for Wooyoung and you to get naughty while the other members were in the living room watching a movie, but Wooyoung didn't care. Besides, they were watching horror films so the loud noise and their screams would drown out any noises you two made. It's not like they didn't know what you two did anyways.

You two were going like rabbits, enjoying your time together since you hadn't seen each other in a long time. Your moment was ruined by a loud crashing sound that resonated throughout the dorm.

"Jung Wooyoung!?" Seonghwa shouted from the living room.

"What did you do?!" Yeosang called out, worried about any damage done to the room that was also his.

"Shit! They heard!" Wooyoung sighed as he looked at the broken ladder on the bunk bed.

"You have 5 seconds to come out." Hongjoong warned.

Wooyoung told you to stay in the room, while he threw on a pair of sweatpants and went to the living room. He then proceeded to explain what happened.

"You broke my bed?!" Yeosang screeched out.

"Relax! It was only the ladder! Geez! But guys! I broke the bed cause I'm a sex god!" He was honestly so proud of himself.

"I sleep on the top bunk! How am I supposed to get up there now?!" Yeosang asked.

Wooyoung snorted. "I'm sure Yunho or Mingi wouldn't mind giving you a lift."

"That's it! I will murder you! Let me at him! Let me go!" Yeosang thrashed around as Yunho and Mingi held him back from committing murder.

Choi Jongho:

"Why are we here again?" Mingi whined for the 20th time.

"To buy a new bed for Jongho." San answered.

As if it wasn't clear enough given they were looking at the furniture section of a store.

"Seriously Jongho. How did you even break it?" Yunho asked the younger member.

Jongho's mind flashed back at the memory at what happened:

"Jongho!" You called out underneath him.

"Yes love?"

"Pp-please faster! I need m-more." You begged him.

He smirked at your request.

"Are you sure baby? I won't be able to control myself. I might break you."

"Break me Jongho!" You gave him the ok.

Well he definitely didn't break you, but the bed did break. However the others could never find that out.

"I told you! I got angry and took it out on the bed! You know I can't control my strength!" He exclaimed. Technically it wasn't a full lie either.

"Ok ok! Geez calm down! No need to get so defensive about it!" Wooyoung shouted.

"Let's just get his bed and be done with it. I have leftover chicken in the fridge and it's missing me." Yeosang said, annoyed at having being dragged there in the first place.

Jongho smiled to himself when all of them had their backs turned. He actually got away with it and they'll never find out.

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners.

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez smut

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astro-rain · 3 years

Text

delicate; b.barnes

chapter eleven - “there’s a reason behind everything”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2k

synopsis: bucky and y/n endure an event of stressful affliction, followed by something... entrancing.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

It had been a few days. There hadn't been any more headaches or vomiting. He was glad that Y/N faced no more impediments after that. However, he can't say the same for himself.

The thrashing was violent, his limbs wrenching, muscles tensing. The sheet beneath him was damp from cold sweat. He hadn't had a nightmare this bad in a while.

Ghastly memories assaulted him, ripping him from reality and forcing him back into agony, torture, and trauma. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, but he wasn't sure if that was in the nightmare or real life. The lines of reality and dreamscape faded. He couldn't tell if he was awake, and panic metastasized throughout his body.

His arms were strapped down - yes, two of them. He couldn't tell if the other was metal or not; the only thing he could register was that he had zero control. He was exposed and helpless and right back where he was before. He had never gotten out. Hydra still had their chains around his neck, choking the humanity out of him, and violating his autonomy to make a monster out of a man.

He felt like a caged animal. All there existed was terror; he needed to get out and he didn't care if he had to cut off a body part to do it. He jerked his body and pulled his arms as hard as he could. He thrashed and thrashed, desperately trying to somehow find a way out of this hell. He tried to scream but his lungs were frozen, cracked and collapsed from the ice that they defiled him with.

Every nerve in his body was ignited, screeching to try to escape. The only coherent thought in his head was "get out." Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get—

The top of his head suddenly burned, pain radiating out in beats, like a heart rate. It was then when he realized he was awake. It was then when he realized he had flung himself up, causing his head to collide with the wooden slats of the top bunk. It was also at this point when he heard her voice.

"Bucky!" her voice shook intensely, worry bubbling from the back of her throat. "Oh my god."

Faintly, the fear in her voice registered somewhere in the back of Bucky's brain, but this had no effect on his entirely overstimulated nervous system. His reaction was visceral; he flinched hard, jolting away from Y/N and falling off the side of the bed. The floor was cold; he could feel it in his hand and knees as he knelt on all fours (all threes?) trying to catch his breath.

Y/N hurried around the bed and immediately dropped to the floor in front of him. Her hands were quivering in front of her, completely unsure of how he would react to being touched.

His eyes were glued to the floor beneath him, but in his peripheral he could see Y/N's legs. Suddenly, she knelt on her hands, trying to be as non-threatening as she could.

"Buck," she whispered. "It was a nightmare. It was just a nightmare. You're here, and you're just fine."

"Fuck," he whispered. His body was on fire; he wished it'd just calm down.

"Your hand's on the floor. What does the floor feel like?" she asked, in an attempt to detour his attention.

"Cold," he strained.

"Cold, yeah," she said. "Do you know why?"

He shook his head.

"It's because it's made of stone. Stone has a high thermal conductivity, which means it allows heat to flow through it quickly. The heat from your skin goes right into it and flows through really fast."

He pivoted his wrist slightly, smoothing the skin on his hand over the stone, feeling the cold, and thinking about what Y/N said.

She smiled slightly. "There's a reason behind everything, you know. An explanation."

"Even for this?" he asked, referencing the panic.

"Especially for this. What are you feeling right now?"

"Can't breathe."

"Yep. Okay, that's normal, too. That's your nervous system. It's really riled up right now because you're stressed. See, your body has a natural response to stress called the fight or flight response. It's supposed to be used in the wild to run from a predator or something, and you can imagine how engaging and intense that would be on your body," her voice was calm and steady. "The only thing is, your body is going through those same functions and feelings when you're not out running from a lion or something, trying to fight for your life. Instead, you're here. You're sitting on the floor and you're here with me. You're not in any immediate danger. We're fine."

He nodded, still looking down, still trying to compose himself. He couldn't look her in the eyes once he realized his face was wet from tears. He was acutely embarrassed. Be that as it may, she was helping. What she said made sense. It helped to understand just what his body was doing rather than simply trying to survive through it.

Suddenly, directly where his eyes were cast, a drop of crimson appeared on the floor; it dripped down from him. It was then when he registered the sharp ache in his nose and the warm, wet feeling around it. Blood.

"Bucky, there's- blood, are you okay?" The calm in her voice was muffled by worry.

"Y-Yeah, I'm... I'm fine. It's just my nose..."

"What can I do?"

"Can you just... keep talking?"

"Yes," she breathed, the calm returning with infinite softness. "So, there are a few divisions of the nervous system. First, you have the central nervous system and the peripheral nervous system. Then, from the peripheral, you have the somatic and autonomic systems. And then from autonomic, you have the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems. Those are what you're feelin' right now. Your sympathetic is what gets you ramped up - you know, increases in heart rate, breathing, sweating. And then your parasympathetic is what calms you down, so slowing your heart rate and breathing and so on. Your sympathetic activated the fight or flight response, and your parasympathetic is trying to rein you back in... I hope that makes sense."

"It does."

"You know the hormone that gets released during all this?"

"Adrenaline's the only one I can think of."

"There you go!" she smiled. "It comes from the adrenal glands."

"Can I get those removed, then?"

"Unfortunately not. Do you still have your tonsils?"

"Nah, got those taken out forever ago."

"Appendix?"

"I think I still have that one?"

She laughed. "Well that's good. The appendix is sorta kinda part of the lymphatic system."

"The what?"

"Er- immune system I mean."

"Never knew that," he commented.

"There's a reason behind everything, you know," she quoted herself endearingly.

"An explanation," he said, completing the sentiment and finally looking up.

Upon seeing his face, Y/N tried to hide her shock and concern, but he noticed. The apprehension was clear. He didn't want to be pitied; he wished he would've just suffered through this alone in a hole or something.

"There you are," she whispered.

Her voice was so gentle that his chest almost cramped, and then his entire body softened. Never mind. He'd much rather stay.

"Here I am."

She reached forward, ever so delicately, and smoothed the pads of her thumbs along his cheeks, effectively wiping away the tears. Effectively removing the physical aftermath of his pain.

She gave a strained smile. Why did he feel bad?

"Stay here," she instructed before getting up.

He'd do nothing but comply.

She came back with a damp white cloth, returning to her kneeling position in front of him.

"Here," she breathed, putting the cloth up to his nose.

He reached up to grab it, but her hand pulled away.

"I got it," she reassured.

He wasn't about to allow her to clean up his mess. This was pathetic enough as it was; he was pathetic enough as he was. She didn't need to tend to him out of obligation.

He insisted. "No, it's okay. I can do it."

"Bucky, let me help. Please."

"You don't have to. Seriously, it's fine."

"I know I don't have to - I want to. I want to help. Please just let me help."

He found he wasn't very good at saying no to her. He nodded silently, closed his eyes, and leaned his head forward. She got to work, gently dabbing the cloth to his blood stained skin, blotting the red, erasing the damage.

"You know," she said, a slight inflection in her voice as a result of her concentration. "I think you accidentally hit yourself in your sleep. I think that's why you're bleeding. 'Cause your head hit the top bunk, not your face."

"I'm really that talented, huh?"

She snickered. "Very. I don't know if I could manage such a feat."

"No, if you had nightmares, you'd probably just know exactly what each one meant and adjust your subconscious so you weren't afraid anymore."

She leaned back, an amused but shocked expression on her face, eyebrows raised, head tilted. Then she laughed.

"Look at you. Came for my neck with that one."

"I was just joking-"

"I know," she chuckled, leaning back in to continue her diligent work, "don't worry. I thought it was funny... even though it was wrong."

"Wrong?"

"Bucky, I wish I had that much control. I know the brain, but I can't work with mine that well. I'm only good at working with other people's."

He smirked. "Nah, I still think you could."

"Well, you have too much faith in me."

He couldn't think of a response to that. He had become decently distracted by the warmth radiating from her. She was so close. He thought back to what she said about heat conductivity, and briefly wondered how fast her warmth might transfer to him. What would happen if he just... opened his eyes-

Big mistake. He nearly drowned in the color, the depth all consuming. He hadn't noticed her movements stopped. She held the cloth at her chest, waiting. There were mere inches between them.

"Hi," she whispered, the ends of her mouth turning up ever so slightly.

He didn't think his body had ever been so still. He returned the smile all the same.

"Hi."

"What are you thinkin'?"

He could see every detail on her face. It made him equal amounts nervous and giddy. He never really thought about the number of eyelashes an average person had, but he became suddenly interested in counting each one of hers.

"I don't... I don't know..."

"You don't know? Well, it looks like there's at least a couple of hefty thoughts swirlin' around in there."

He did have a thought. Well, more of a question. What would happen if he glanced at her lips? What would happen if he just leaned in?

"Yeah... yeah, there may be a few."

When she didn't respond, her eyes bore into him, and dear lord, he felt bare. Eye contact is a dangerous, dangerous thing. But lovely. Oh, so lovely. And then that thing started to happen again: when time got lazy and the world felt slow. The room was without a sound. The only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat and maybe some of hers, too. It's as if they were in a trance.

Then, that thought returned. What would happen if he just leaned in? Rationally, he knew he shouldn't try to find the answer to that question. Nonetheless, curiosity beckoned him. Had the space between them become smaller? He couldn't tell. Not even an inch of their skin was touching the other, but every sensation and perception was so overwhelming, he thought his brain might fizzle out.

She was just so, so close. He was frozen, and never wanted to move again. She was so close, until suddenly she wasn't. Until suddenly, the trance stopped, time caught up, and the world began to move once more. Until suddenly, Y/N's serene smile disappeared, and she leaned back, awkwardly clearing her throat.

"Does your nose hurt? I can see if I can come up with a makeshift icepack or something."

"Uh, no. No, it's fine. I don't even feel it..."

He wondered which feeling he was denying.

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie

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midgardsbest · 3 years

Text

Imagine: You feel a bit off today and the argument with your boyfriend Loki doesn’t make things better. What happens when a Steve who doesn’t understand British slang and an overprotective father ruin your sweet plan to get him back?

N/A: Hello dearests, enjoy this new Loki x reader imagine and tell me what are your impressions about it. If you wanna. If you don’t then DEATH. TO ALL OF THEM. Jk. Hope y’all got that reference. 🤟

Warnings: BestFriend!Natasha, Thor is lovely as usual, Dad!TonyStark, Boyfriend!Loki, Language, Fluff, Angst and more fluff, a bit of passion, and British reader/use of British slang (pretty easy and self-explanatory)

Words: 1953

Waking up that morning was tremendously hard. You stumbled against any piece of furniture installed inside of your room by your father, Tony Stark. Well, he was your stepfather, technically, but you weren’t particularly fond of the use of that word.

Yawning your way into the kitchen of the compound, you avoided meeting eyes with Steve. He had been more stressed than usual in the last few days, probably given the upcoming mission. He lashed out at you the day before, or at least that's what you thought was happening.

"I think a cuppa would serve you right."

"A what?"

You looked at him as if he were stupid, but you knew it couldn't be that. "A cuppa? It's.. a cup of tea. You don't know that?" Given his expression, either he was a bit dumb or was just done with you for that day. "No. I like coffee. But thank you."

You weren't mad at him, of course. Nonetheless, ignoring him for a bit did sound like a better idea than trying to cheer him up with your British manners, if you could say. He did not look happy about that.

Staring at the emptiness of your black coffee (and almost gagging at the rough taste), you swallowed the smothering ache in your heart. What was it you were yearning for?

You couldn't place in your mind the exact reason behind this suffering, but you soon grew tired of it. With a pair of eyes following your figure left unnoticed, you dragged yourself up to your room to somehow get ready.

"What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know man. Shouldn't you be locked up in your room like Stark- and he's gone. Thanks for the chat, popsicle."

This was boring, wasn't it? It was raining outside. Perhaps if you were in a rom-com you'd be soaked wet, lightheartedly dancing with a cover of dreamy clouds in the sky, glancing at your boyfriend from time to time, pretending you didn't see his "this is the woman I'll marry" eyes consuming you entirely. However, you weren't the protagonist of a rom-com, much less of a poorly written fan fiction. Additionally, your dear boyfriend wasn't officially... well, your boyfriend, and he'd been ignoring you completely. Which hurt, but your pride defeated your consciousness and you didn't want to talk to him about it.

Then, an idea took place in your mind. You had an opportunity to get back your not-much-of-a-boyfriend, the Captain's shy smile and your fun. Some might say even something more along the way.

"I AM DONE. COMPLETELY, UTTERLY DONE."

You slammed the door of Natasha's office, ignoring the frightening look she gave you and pointed to the chair right in front of you with questioning eyes.

"You slammed my door shut, might as well."

Your eyes dropped unnoticeably. Someone would have noticed though, only he wasn't there.

"I gotta do something. Would you help me with it?."

"What would I help you with, exactly? Y/N, if this is one of your unsettled plans..." She leaned back on the chair, tapping the desk with her bare fingernails.

"No! You can trust me on this, Nat. Please do. I'll buy you some nail polish."

"What?"

"WHAT?" Tony on the verge of an anxiety attack wasn't exactly how you thought this plan would go, even though him finding out was not part of it as well.

"Boss, your heart rate is increasing critically."

"Vacation's over. FRIDAY, let's go back to the compound."

You could hear their voices on the other end of the line.

You still didn't utter a word, already having made the mistake of asking your dad when he was bound to return from his "job thing" in Rome. You shouldn’t have said that, because "you never care about it", so it was either a party you were planning or a date. Besides, you might've mentioned the mission that you later remembered, you weren’t supposed to know about.

Your leg was trembling now, having realized the crap mistake you made. "Well shit."

"Y/N!"

"Oh, forgot you were still on. Love you, Dad, bye."

Natasha gawked at you, shaking her head slightly, arms crossed in front of her. This plan was a massive mistake. But it was your plan and you wouldn’t give up on it.

Around noon, Stark made his entry into the structure and went straight to your room, knocking on the door half a time and anchoring his feet to the ground with every step. Hiding your uneven breath, and thanking Nat for her wise advice ("just play sick", she said), you raised the sheets over your painted red nose.

Your dad searched for you in your cosy bedroom, just to find your teary innocent eyes full of greed for success. Maybe you did have a fever.

"Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me you were sick? I thought you were gonna run off to a party or something you kids do."

You shifted under the covers. Shit. That was the plan after all. You were going to coerce Steve into partying with you somewhere you knew Loki would find you, like perhaps that club just around the corner where he wore that leather jacket once. Big story. Regardless, it didn't mean much now that he just vanished from your life.

"I wouldn't have gone anywhere."

An aching cough caught your breath. You tried to keep your eyebrows from furrowing at the actual symptom. You never got sick. Not really, at least.

Tony's eyes were clouded with worry, not liking the sight of you in pain.

"This is what we'll do, kid. You get some rest and I'll have Steve make you some tea."

You sniggered: "Just don't call it a cuppa."

As soon as he left the room, Natasha came out of the bathroom. Your eyes felt heavy, but your mind was still somewhere else.

"You'd make a great actress, has anyone told you that?" she grinned. You liked Nat, especially when you knew she was comfortable enough to enjoy spending time with you. She was your first real friend here at the compound. Your father would keep you hidden here when you were younger, and even though he tried his best to never make you feel like you were alone, he wasn't around much, and always left you with Pepper or Happy, who you now knew as your mother and uncle.

You coughed once again, this time harder, and brought a hand on your chest.

Nat stared at you for a little while.

"You're ill."

"Yeah. And the sun's coming out. This day just couldn't get worse. Did I just manifest getting sick?"

When she stood up from the little chair that was at the side of your bed, she gave you a comforting smile, and then she left, leaving you in Morpheus' arms to fall asleep.

"Do you think perhaps it is best to wake her?"

"Don't be foolish, brother. She is much better like this."

"You mean she's comfortable?"

"I mean she's bearable."

"Ughh."

"Perfect! Lady Y/N, you seem to have awakened."

You looked at the Norse brothers standing at the feet of your bed, still feeling dizzy from your remarkable nap. You hadn't slept this good in a while.

"Thor. Yes. Woken u-uh..p." You stood up. You looked at them. You glanced at them once again.

"OH MY GOD." You quickly covered your face with your hands. Gods, Loki was in your room. He wasn't looking at you, but he was in your room. You could feel his coldness reaching up to your veins - and heart, not only making you feel sick in your stomach but also causing a complementary shameful headache.

"Is uhm... something wrong, Y/N?" Thor's warm voice grounded you slightly but never enough.

With a shallow breath, you released your hands, dropping them along with your head. Looking at the silk white sheets, you wondered if strangling yourself with them would solve anything.

"No, thank you, Thor. Could you just give me a minute to uhm... I need to uh... powder my nose."

He smiled. "Ah yes of course. We'll be in the kitchen."

Your breath hitched. You had to do something.

"Wait!" They altered their steps, this time you looked directly into Loki's ice-blue eyes. "Gotta speak. I mean- I- 'd like to speak to Loki. For a minute. If possible."

Thor adjusted the weight on his feet and then nodded, sizing the room with his comfortable aura.

The instant he left, that same energy vanished, leaving you and that subjugating man to war. A conflict formed of rivalry, an uneasy sense of fear for all that was yet to be said and a deep, desperate need for each other in all ways known to your kind.

You soon grew tired of the dreadful silence. "Are you gonna say anything or shall I speak first?"

"Speak." He kept on staring at the window.

You debated if getting out of the bed would be better for this argument.

"Don't. And there will be no such thing as an argument. I'm not going to force your decision."

You blinked at him. What? Did the ice get to his head?

"Pardon? What decision? And who gave you permission to read my mind, Loki? You left me. Alone. You didn't speak to me for a week. Like... out of nowhere. Just like that- What. Decision." You did get out of bed, now showing your white lace robe to him. If he were looking at you, you'd have felt naked under his gaze.

He kept silent for a while and you did not once stop beholding him.

"I thought you wished not to see me again." He finally witnessed you, completely, entirely, just like you knew he would. Just the way you longed for.

"Why? When did you ever get that impression from me? If I did something wrong please tell me but don't just... don't go away from me."

He attentively took a few steps closer to you. It looked menacing but you knew he was just calculating your next move. He was the prey. But it was you who kept still.

"The bar." The bar?

"What bar?"

"Last week, you brought me to a place. I wore a leather jacket."

Your eyes instantly watered a bit.

"Loki..."

"No. My actions were unnecessary and I shouldn't have- I-."

You broke, fully. You gave in to your heart and hurried to him, still too far across the room. You wrapped your trembling hands around him and almost fell whilst doing so. But he held you mightily, adapting to your action like a lock when it finds its key.

"Lokes... why'd you think that?" You tucked your face in his green and golden armour. "I lo- I know you didn't mean that. You didn't do anything wrong. Please. Is that why you weren't speaking to me anymore?"

Glancing up at him, your gazes met, lost in each other like you could both find your way home. "Yes."

You smiled softly. "Don't do that again. Just talk to me next time."

"There won't be a next time". At that, you frowned. Would he never go out with you again?

"What d'you mean?"

He caressed your cheek, hidden emotions revealed by the trembling of the movement.

"I'll do my best to not do you wrong ever again. It is a promise I'll keep as close to my heart as a dagger."

You giggled dreamily. "Please don't put a knife to your heart."

He moved you closer to his touch. "I won't. But if I do it'll be you who holds the handle."

"You cheeky bastard." And to that, he kissed you ardently, air unneeded for your lungs to work.

N/A: Any idea on what might’ve happened at the club? Also… Loki in a leather jacket.

#loki friggason #loki imagine #loki laufeyson #loki fluff #loki x y/n #loki fandom #marvel imagine #mcu x reader #marvel #marvel movies #thor the dark world #thor odinson #tony stark #natasha romanoff

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neutron-stars-collision · 3 years

Text

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 24 - If You Want Me...

Masterlist; Chapter 23

Summary: Tension reaches its boiling point when you overhear an unfortunate conversation. With unexpected allies, you attempt to break the impasse once and for all.

Warnings: ANGST (still but... well you’ll see ;)); at few points R! is being a little dramatic which can be triggering if you’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts (nothing too bad though); swearing.

Author’s Notes: Finally! It’s been a wild ride... and god am I happy i’ve managed. This part took a lot of effort but I quite like what I came up with... even if sometimes it gets too angsty. Can’t wait for what’s coming next, however... :)))) Hope you enjoy and all feedback is always appreciated! <3

The shooting range on the icebreaker was a strange place. It occupied a large proportion of the deck floor in the accommodation part of the ship, next to the turnstile and sparring grounds. With darkness swallowing every corner that was not lit up by the blinking fluorescents, it was a perfect place to hide. Soon it became your go-to solace when things got difficult, and the only other idea you could come up with involved going outside without the oxygen mask attached. You did not want to go that far. Yet. Target practice became your favourite occupation. It was simple and did not involve talking to people that could give you worrying looks or comment on the dark circles underneath your eyes. Sleep was no longer a thing, with you catching three-hour-long naps at best, in between never-ending worrying and staring at the ceiling, reminiscing the past. The constant headaches were something you soldiered through, accepting them as a part of reality. The worst part of that new life was the fact that you and Neil stopped talking to each other altogether. Not even empty pleasantries could get through the stone-cold awkwardness and tension capable of killing you before the heartache would. After a day of near-misses and horrifying mistakes that culminated with you accidentally spilling boiling water all over the sweater when Neil entered the galley, you both mastered the art of hiding. You only saw him once afterwards, sitting at the table in the corner of the canteen. That was almost two days ago, and you were thankful.

Once you went through the assigned daily rounds, you moved onto the task of cleaning the guns and rifles. Polishing the metal cases and arranging the bullets was as close to therapy as it could get. With the repetitive action occupying your brain, there was no time to get emotional over things you could not change. Only at the shooting range, you did not feel so utterly hopeless. So terribly unloved. A sudden noise by the airlock made you look up. Conveniently the air in the range was sealed so that you need not to worry about oxygen masks during the target practice. It also meant you got approximately five seconds warning to check the identity of the intruder. This time you were surprised.

“Hi, Y/N. Thought I’d find you here” TP’s dark gaze slid over you cautiously.

Taking off the mask, he joined you at the makeshift table, looking at the arsenal you have spread over the surface. You eyed him with curiosity. That was unexpected. So far, he has never interacted with you outside of the meetings. And every time he did, you could not stop thinking about how much he knew. Who did he see when he looked at you?

“Afternoon” shaking off the reverie, you offered him a tight smile, “Is it afternoon?” glancing at the watch, you grimaced, “Oh,”

The last time you checked, it was 3 pm. The blue numbers on your wrist were mercilessly ticking away. 8:30 pm. How the fuck. TP caught your silent crisis as he asked:

“How long have you been down here?” looking up, you encountered a glimmer of worry in his eyes.

Interesting.

“Umm, five hours?” it felt like the best estimate.

It was probably longer. But he need not know that.

“Jesus,” wincing, he directed his taxing gaze back onto you, “When was the last time you had food?” tone strictly business.

The truth was that you did not remember. With everything falling apart and losing meaning, food became an afterthought. Half the time you would realise you only had one meal around 1 am, forcing you to tiptoe to the kitchen and grab something from the cupboard. A hungry stomach was nothing compared to all the other issues. It could be ignored.

“Breakfast. I’m not hungry though,” brushing off the concern you chose defiance, “Is this an interrogation?” you arched one eyebrow and cocked the gun you have wiped clean.

TP snorted at your comedic timing.

“No, I come here in peace” he raised his hands in defeat and added, “To see if you’re… alright” the hesitation made you scoff.

“You know that I’m not. Because things are generally far from alright,” letting annoyance slip into the sentence, you let go of the tools and met his gaze with coldness.

The deepening frown was concerning. You were being unfair. After all, it was not him who has caused all this pain. Remorse nipped at your heart as you sighed heavily.

“Sorry, that was unnecessary,” he accepted your apologetic smile with a nod, giving the courage to continue, “And I’m also sorry that you all have to witness that mess in the meetings. I’d rather it stayed between him and me... but he seems to disagree” you shrugged.

Sometimes you did wonder why Neil seemed so intent on making your arguments a public spectacle. Whether that was a part of the intricate plan to make you look like an idiot or a result of his emotions boiling over. Not that it mattered. Everyone on the team knew what the deal was anyway. A poor, naïve you, desperately in love with someone who could not care less. Nothing out of the ordinary. Judging by TP’s passing frown, for him too the topic was rather uncomfortable. He took a long moment to respond, looking for answers in the rows of bullets you have arranged on the table.

“Not going to lie, it’s awkward, but at least I know what’s going on, and I can offer to listen” he met your gaze with newly found determination.

Okay… Confiding in TP was quite low on the list of things you expected to have the opportunity of doing. But then so was having to convince Neil not to get himself killed for the sake of the operation. Anything goes.

“Aren’t you taking a side?” that suspicious voice in your head was difficult to get rid of, “Agreeing with him that I’m stupid, emotional, and overall a burden?” you recited the memorized litany of epithets with a stone-cold expression.

The words have lost their meanings after you have put them apart in the quiet of your mind. Now they were just sounds, incapable of inflicting pain. It was the least that could be done.

“He went too far with that” TP winced, his eyes expressing traces of disapproval, “I might not know you well, but you’re none of these things,” a sympathetic smile softening the tone.

An open hand. An olive branch. Why not? Taking a deep breath, you got ready to open up before the most unexpecting of allies.

“In a way, he was right though…” you looked down, trying to find the needed strength, “I am stupid because I have allowed myself to care too much for him” there it is, “And now I’m paying for it” when you met his eyes again, you found nothing but thoughtfulness.

It was something you thought about often as well. The fact that Neil was right, you did care, and that it was perhaps the reason for your demise. But who could blame you for falling for the bastard looking like the devil? And equally charming too.

“Maybe it’s a little too forward, but-” TP’s tentative tone made you grin.

In moments like this, you acutely remembered that he was still a rookie. Not used to the half-truths and strange tenets you accepted as your credo. His innocence was adorable even.

“In this profession, a it’s sometimes nice to say the truth. Shoot away” you waved your hand dismissively, anticipating the question.

There is a first time for everything.

“Fair point” he mirrored your smile before asking, “Do you love him?”

Plain and simple. Ignoring the panic, you took a moment to ponder the answer. It was… obvious. You told Neil as much twice before, and no amount of pretending and lies could ever undo it. The words were his. Just as you were. Unfortunately.

“I’d want to say no, that I got over it, but… Yes, I do,” you offered the answer with a helpless frown, “Think any idiot can see it” noticing a hint of embarrassment briefly you patted TP��s shoulder, “No matter how much he hurts me, I always find myself wishing things could be… like they once were”

Whatever that meant. In truth, you wanted more. You wanted to wake up next to him every morning. You wanted affirmations of love every day as you tasted his coffee-stained lips. You wanted to lie in his embrace, feeling desired and loved. But most of all, you wanted to be able to lace up your fingers with his, following the instincts that became your second nature. To card your fingers through his silky golden strands and to give him everything he would desire. You wanted to be his. He was supposed to be yours. Or was the universe wrong?

Thoughts of that kind could be lethal. Shaking yourself awake, you met TP’s eyes. Apart from the lack of surprise at your admission, you noticed something strange. A passing realization. As though he has heard something similar before but was afraid to speak up. Once again, you found yourself wondering what Neil told him. What did he mean by ‘things you and I should explain to each other’? For a moment, you wanted to jump head in and ask. But what good would knowing the truth be when you could not act on it? As though aware of your increasing dilemma, the man spoke up again.

“I’m sorry for Oslo” your eyes widened at the reminder.

“Why?” blurting out the question, you eyed him cautiously.

The deepening discomfort radiating off him confirmed your assumptions. That was it. He knew what nearly happened that night. And he was flustered about his role in it. That was not the conversation you ever expected to have.

“I can’t help but think that maybe if I hadn’t… interrupted you, it would’ve-” he stumbled over the sentence somewhat endearingly.

Perhaps it was the lack of care that made you say the next words. Or maybe just the fact that nothing mattered anymore, and so who could judge you for the purest form of honesty.

“Doubt it,” interrupting him with a sour smile, you added, “Maybe it’s good you knocked then… Least he doesn’t have absolutely everything” noticing the alarm painted on TP’s face, you blushed.

Yep, too far. Still true, however.

“I’m sorry, you didn’t have to know that much” you brushed off the sudden awkwardness with a sincere apology.

“I can pretend I’ve never heard it” it was his turn to give a reassuring shoulder squeeze.

You could feel the strange companionship forming. Sure you did not mind. Relaxing back in the chair, you spoke up:

“Thanks,” as TP also visibly reclined, you brought up the thought that was not letting go of your mind, “I don’t know how much he has told you about… this,” gesturing vaguely, you bit your lip.

Somehow you knew that he would not betray Neil by sharing with you everything that has been said. But even crumbs would do…

“Quite a bit,” you watched him closely, intrigued by the hesitation, “Enough for me to know that you’re someone I can trust and that he had reasons to be acting that happy in Tallinn before the action” oh.

That painful pang in your heart was heart to ignore. You winced, feeling the steady gaze fixed on your face. The analysis was mutual. Neil, happy, back in Tallinn. Because of you. You have lost too much.

“What do you mean?” treading carefully, you asked the safest of questions.

A small smile on his face showed you just how obvious you were. Lovesick idiot.

“Hours he has spent texting someone, phone calls he would pick up instantly and then come back grinning like a madman” TP offered you examples with a glimmer in his eyes “It only clicked when we were inverting, and I asked him about you” the blush on your cheeks deepened under his taxing gaze “Suddenly all of that made sense if you were in Estonia with us” he shrugged, finishing the thought.

Oh my god. While you experienced it all firsthand during those chaotic yet hopeful days in the safehouse when everything seemed to have infinite potential, hearing about it from someone else’s perspective felt strange. Almost like a slap in the face. Because it only confirmed what you knew – he once loved you. Once.

“Well, it seems like he has changed his mind…” you muttered, feeling the resentment settle in.

You wondered whether one day it would stop hurting. If you could ever get over this and find someone else. That darkest part of your brain knew the answer well enough. Nothing could come close. And nothing ever would.

“Or he’s just an idiot” the cheeriness felt forced.

But judging by the way TP was staring at you, you could tell it was his attempt at dispersing the sudden melancholy. It was strange to see him worried about you of all people. Perhaps your shit attempts at diverting everyone’s attention from your declining mentality were failing. And that was a reason to be concerned.

“That too,” plastering on an unconvincing smile, you stifled a yawn.

That caught his attention.

“You should get some rest” upon further thought, he added, “And food,”

The intensity of his look was stifling. You hated being the centre of attention. Especially in moments like this when you felt vulnerable, an object of pity and unease. Stupid, weak, and useless. The sabotaging voice came out in full force, making you want nothing but to curl up in bed and disappear. Not yet, however.

“Yes, sir” you raised your hand in mock salute.

Your face fell when instead of a laugh, you got a frown in response. Oopsie.

“I’m serious” TP seemed to consider something quickly before placing his hand on your forearm, “I’m… I’ve been a little worried about you” he met your eyes with a clear purpose.

Shit. That is exactly what you wanted to avoid. Being seen as pathetic and a burden. Internally, you cursed yourself for not being strong enough. For letting anyone see the cracks. You would not let them see you shatter into pieces.

“I’m doing fine,” mustering the happiest of grins, you tried to mask the urgency.

Please buy the bullshit.

“Are you?” he didn’t. Before your brain could fully arrive at the panic station, his inquisitive expression softened. You held his gaze for a beat, hoping to convey everything. Hoping to convince him to let the conversation go. It worked for TP gave a final taxing look before backing off. You exhaled slowly, relaxing a little. Maybe the worst was over…

“Before we go… there’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about…” TP changed the subject, looking down at the table “The lock. You want to go with him”

It was not exactly a question, yet you knew he expected an answer. That one you could easily give him. It was obvious, even if you have never said it out loud. Up till now.

“Yes... Maybe it is an impulsive and stupid thing to do, but I can’t let him do it alone. I can’t let him get killed” the word felt foreign in your mouth.

As though ‘Neil’ and ‘death’ were two irrelevant concepts that did not fit together even in theory. They could not. You would not allow it. And you were willing to accept the worst of risks to make sure it would not happen. Hell, you would even fight against fate and time to assure that.

“I’d rather avoid that too” TP’s quiet comment made you look up, “He deserves so much more than…” there was something startling in his gaze.

As though he has stopped himself before saying too much. Much more than what? And why was he looking at you like that? Like you were missing something tragic, and his heart was breaking for your loss. You felt like going insane. TP cleared his throat awkwardly, resuming the conversation, not at all fluently:

“I don’t buy the whole ‘what’s happened, happened’. What does that even mean?” the irritation shining through his strange tone was distracting.

“Don’t ask me,” you shrugged, “I like to think there’s a different solution to this. One that doesn’t involve Neil sacrificing himself. And I need to be there with him because if it comes to it… I’d take that bullet for him” you did not know where the honesty came from.

Or why you would admit something that fundamental to TP. His response was just as anticipated – a gasp and widened eyes. Nibbling on your lower lip, you broke the eye contact and chose to stare at the forgotten gun lying on the table. It was the truth, so why did admitting it feel so… radical?

“Are you sure?” when he found his voice again, it was hoarse.

“It’s that kind of love,” you replied, still unable to meet his gaze.

You never expected to reveal yourself like that to TP. Wheeler? Maybe. Even Kat seemed like a probable option, but not the boss himself. And especially not at this stage of his story. Yet he was there, willing to listen, and that was enough. You would deal with the consequences later, in your mind that would undoubtedly rebel against such a display of fragility.

“I don’t want it to sound patronizing… but you’re still young. There might be someone else for you along the line if Neil-” his voice broke through your reverie as you interrupted him with a start.

“I know” finally, you raised your head again, showing the sincerity of expression, “But something tells me it’s him or nothing. Call it fate or insanity” biting back a dry chuckle, you felt a single tear form in the corner of your eye.

That was something you have spent most of the time thinking about. At the start, you desperately wanted to believe that you would get over this. That it was just another disappointment, and like before, eventually you would forget about those blue eyes and maniacal grin. But your heart knew better, constantly reminding you that it was not that simple. That Neil was not someone you just forget. Because how could you?

“Reality?” TP’s eyes were filled with thoughtfulness.

“Perhaps,” you cracked a smile, feeling heaviness in your heart lift by an inch.

Always something. Another yawn ended the delicate moment seconds later, making you scowl in annoyance. What was the point of tiredness when you could not even rest properly? TP laughed at your pained expression and got up:

“Now, you into the kitchen. And try to get some sleep” he offered you a hand which you took and stood up.

“I’ll try” a lie, “Thank you… for checking in and listening” sheepishly, you tried to find any words of gratitude.

“I owed you that after those hours in Oslo, filled with plans, coffees, and awful songs you’d sing to entertain us” the knowing smirk suggested that he did remember what you hoped would be forever forgotten.

MTV in Norwegian. Your knackered brain deciding that singing along to ‘Like a Virgin’ and ABBA was what had to be done to make everyone smile. Mistakes have been made.

“Don’t remind me,” TP laughed as you smacked him on the shoulder.

*** You did not sleep after you bid goodbye to TP. That night too was spent tossing and turning in bed, thinking about how everything could have crumbled so quickly. It has only been weeks since Tallinn. In fact, looking from the linear point of view, it has not even happened yet. The normal you have been enjoying the confusion of those days before Oslo when everything was difficult yet hopeful. Too good to be true, at times. Well, now you knew that those moments never lasted too long.

The next morning you quickly grabbed breakfast and sneaked into the sparring area, hoping to catch a few minutes with the punching bag before the troops would take over space. However, that day it was not meant to be.

You heard the voices as soon as you opened the airlock and entered the large room. It was divided into a few sections, each devoted to a different training exercise. To your advantage, each was also separated with a thin plastic screen. Cautiously, you approached the nearest divider, trying to determine whether your mind was not playing any tricks. After one second, you knew. TP and Neil were having a rather heated conversation on the other side of the screen. A sparring ground was the place you least expected to encounter them. And yet… You wanted to turn away and leave before more damage could be done, but the moment you heard the boss’s voice, you froze on the spot:

“Why are you so hard on her?” TP’s question rung out clear in the highly domed room “The only crime she has committed was falling in love with you. I don’t think that’s worth all that pain you’re inflicting”

There was no doubt as to who he meant. Your heart sank. Oh my god. On one hand, it was encouraging to know someone was fighting for your side and pointing out the unnecessary torture Neil was so keen on. But the fact that they were discussing the nature of your feelings was terrifying. Listening on felt wrong, yet you could not move away.

“It would be better for her if she hadn’t” Neil’s cold tone made your blood turn to ice.

There was something frightening in how distant he sounded. As though he was nothing like the man you fell in love with, only a cold impostor that borrowed his face and voice. He was right.

“Why? You told me that you love-” TP’s voice rose, incredulity tinging every single word.

Neil told him his feelings. You expected that, and it still felt like a punch. You leaned on the wall for support.

“It doesn’t matter what I said” the biting edge to Neil’s voice was new, “Or how I feel. The sooner she gets over it, the better for all of us” he threw it without caution, as though he was done with your bullshit.

With the fact that you were stupid enough to love him. He did not want your love. Never did. The crushing weight on your chest would not give way.

“You’re cruel” TP was surprised, as though he could not believe what he was hearing.

“That’s mercy” Neil was begging for the conversation to be over, “Cruelty would be letting her entertain the idea that we can...” he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

Christ. All those nights spent wishing for answers, and when they came you wanted to forget you ever heard it. It was foolish to believe anything could ever happen between you.

“But why? Neil, you are in love with her” TP raised his voice yet again, utterly done with whatever the blonde bastard was doing.

You could not care less. Nothing mattered anymore. But you did not expect the very next punch. Or the pain you would feel.

“I’m not” clear-cut rejection; nothing to interpret “I don’t love her. There’s no need to look at me like I’m a monster”

Enough. You heard enough. The pain was as bad as ever as you walked away. Your mind set on one simple thing - tea. Yes, that would solve it.

*** Going to the galley felt as though you were stuck within a dream you could not shake off. Half-aware of your surroundings, you nearly walked into Dominic, whose survival instincts kept him off your path. Muttering apologies, you undid the zip lock and sauntered into the kitchen without a care in the world. With a start, you noticed Kat sat at the table. She gave you a welcoming half-smile as she sipped the tea from the metal cup. Your autopilot stuttered, overwhelmed by the company. Blocking off any attempts at thinking, you followed the muscle memory. Setting the kettle on. Putting teabag into the mug. Earl Grey because it reminded you of those morning kisses in London. No. Wrong memory. You shook your head, waiting for the water to boil. The fridge was too loud, the buzz making thoughts appear. Sighing, you leaned on the counter. Your eyes were burning, the sensation increasing with every single blink. It was alright. So why did it feel like the world was ending?

The kettle switched off. Without sparing a single thought to the reality, you poured the water in, watching with fascination as the teabag floated up. Kat’s spoon let out a clink as she placed it on the edge of the plate. You jumped up, startled. That was enough to break through your carefully woven barrier. The thoughts came rushing in. Neil didn’t love you. Your chest tightened as the next breath came out strained. The air was gone. Your hands shook as you tried to take out the teabag. Fuck. Everything was over. A single gasp was all you could manage before you shattered. The tears fell down your cheeks in a steady stream, blurring everything with tragedy. Choked sobs shook your frame as you desperately tried to hold on. To sanity. To reality. Anything to make the pain go away. But it would not disappear, only getting stronger. As though through the glass, you could hear someone say your name. Voice tinted with worry and urgency. But you did not care. The sobs turned into a howl as you slid down to the floor. The sounds coming from your throat sounded foreign and harsh, tearing at your vocal cords mercilessly. Oh my god. That was the break you always feared. There was no end to tears falling down your cheeks onto the floor and beneath your shirt. Slowly breathing became almost impossible, forcing out those pathetic half sniffles that only made everything worse. You wanted to do something. Anything. To make it stop. To forget. To lose the ability to feel things. Your fingers clawed at nothingness, barely losing against the desire to make all that internal pain physical. By any means necessary. Because then at least you could blame it on something concrete. And not just heartbreak. A word you despised because it sounded weak. Stupid. Easily avoidable for everyone but not you. A lost cause. A failure.

“Hey…” warm fingers gently touched your shoulder.

You raised your head. The pounding headache and lack of oxygen, making everything seem twice as difficult. Kat’s blue eyes bore into yours with concern. You have made quite the show. Self-preservation told you to get up and leave, save yourself some shame. But you would not even know where to go. Or what to do. You did not trust yourself to make reasonable choices.

“Are you alright?” Kat’s voice brought you back to the present moment.

An anchor. Maybe this could work… She was still eyeing you closely, unsure about how to act but wanting to be helpful.

“Mmmm no,” you sent her a broken smile, grateful for the handkerchief she handed, “But it’s okay. Sorry about this. I didn’t mean to-” you gestured vaguely, knowing she would catch on.

Tears were still flowing steady, threatening with dehydration should this continue. But at least the wailing subsided to quiet sobs interrupting your sentence every few words.

“Don’t apologise, we all break sometimes,” Kat squeezed your shoulder, joining you on the floor, “Do you want to talk about it?”

It was tempting. Even if terrifying. But you felt like maybe she could be the listener you needed. Someone objective enough, without any ties to Neil or you. Someone safe to confide in that would keep your secrets in safekeeping. But…

“What if someone comes in?” grasping the most idiotic of excuses, you glanced at the airlock with apprehension.

You could just about imagine what would have happened should Neil walk in during your conversation. Your heart would not take it.

“We’ll just tell them to leave,” Kat’s cheeky tone made you turn to her, “I think they’re all a little afraid of me for some reason,” she added, with a small smirk.

She crossed her long legs and sat next to you with both your backs supported by the cupboard doors.

“As they should be,” you replied, feeling strangely at ease, considering everything.

That spark in her eyes was worth the stress over being too forward for someone you barely knew.

“So…” she nudged you with her shoulder as further encouragement.

There was no more escaping it. You took a deep breath, urging your heart to stay strong. Words started spilling out without sense or order.

“Is just... the world is potentially ending in a few days, and here I am crying over the fact that someone doesn’t love me” your throat contracted upon the word as though it was forbidden “I should’ve known better. He never could want someone like me because why would he” more tears as you realised the ultimate truth “I’m not extraordinary. It all feels so stupid, pathetic. But I can’t get over it because I still love him. And I don’t know how to stop” you finished the rant on a sob that forced you to cover your face with your hands.

There it was. Out in the open. You wondered how you could have ever been naïve enough to think your feelings could be reciprocated. For him, it was just a crush. Amplified by the troubles you had to face and the recent difficulties. Nothing more. You were conveniently there when he needed someone to lean on. But if it came to it, he would never choose you.

“It’s about Neil, isn’t it?” something in her voice made you meet her gaze.

You were that obvious, huh? A panicked thought convinced you that everyone on the bloody ship knew about your weakness for the blonde bastard. Yes, even that mess sergeant that always gave you a sorry smile when you approached the counter at mealtimes. Before you could spiral down another wretched rabbit hole, you asked the most innocent of questions:

“How do you know?”

There was no point in trying to convince Kat she got it wrong. She seemed to consider something for a moment before she looked at you with newly found resilience:

“Let me tell you a story,”

You quirked your eyebrow, confused and intrigued. Might as well… Nodding at her silent question, you rested your head against the cupboard. Dried tears tinged your chapped lips with salt.

“When we were in Oslo, staying in a hotel for two nights, TP went out, and Neil stayed with me” she set up the scene with a neutral tone, “We talked a lot about everything really. He asked me about Andrei...” you glanced at Kat, noticing a passing grimace, “Normally I would shut off, but there was that calm curiosity about him, and I didn’t mind saying too much” she admitted with a sheepish smile.

You knew the feeling well, always telling Neil too much because he was such an excellent listener. Confiding even the darkest of secrets and thoughts never felt like anything significant when he reacted with that same confidence and acceptance. That was one of the reasons why the fall was unavoidable.

“Neil has that sort of effect on people,” you returned her smile, shrugging slightly.

Kat patted your hand gently, noting the look on your face. The infatuation and yearning you could not get rid of whenever you did as much as spare a thought towards him.

“I can tell... the point is that he mentioned you, as well” your eyes widened as she paused, “His friend, as he referred to you but not without stumbling over the word a little” she grinned upon your struck expression, “He told me about your role in this. That you’re an asset, excellent sharpshooter, brave as hell and equally reckless at times” my god

You blushed, feeling Kat’s taxing gaze. Friend? Suppose that’s one way of introducing you to people. It was fascinating to know that even after the mess of Tallinn, Neil valued your contributions to the mission. That he would mention you to anyone. Favourably, at that.

“Sounds about right,” frowning, you pondered the implications of her words, “So you knew who I was that morning on the bridge?” the sudden realisation felt refreshing.

That explained her looks directed at you and Neil back then. The visible consternation about the matter of your relationship.

“Yes, it clicked pretty quickly” upon your perplexed gaze, she picked up the story, “I could tell that there was more underneath all the praise. There was that longing in his eyes and a spark that lit up only for you,” Kat added, smiling as you gasped, “I asked whether love was allowed in your line of business” there was boldness in her eyes that made your heart clench. Something important was coming, “He said yes, but it’s dangerous and best avoided. Only that’s not always possible. Sometimes it gets you, and before you realise you can’t breathe another word without missing that one essential person. Your heart doesn’t belong to you anymore, and nothing can be done” oh my god.

You stared at the floor as her words sunk in. It felt surreal, as though you have wandered into a dream. A good one. But dreams could only last so long… Shaking off the haze, you glanced at the woman sat next to you. She was observing you with an enigmatic smirk gracing her features.

“He said that?” your voice came out raspy.

Just a clarification. In case you have misunderstood. But Kat was not surprised.

“Yes,” she nodded, that same sympathetic expression on her face, “Considering what I’ve seen with you and him... there’s only one person he could’ve meant” your heart dropped, as though unused to the idea “I understood it that morning on the bridge when despite the awkwardness, he was willing to defy everyone else for your sake”

Your mind wandered back. Neil’s constant presence by your side, his hand touching the small of your back and then staying there for longer than necessary. His support and trust placed in your hands without hesitation. Right now, even something that insignificant felt unattainable. But it did happen. Could it be that he meant you? Unable to withstand the whirlwind of emotions, you stood up. Pacing in the tiny room, a protest came up, spilling out of your mouth:

“But I just heard him tell TP that he doesn’t love me” you swallowed hard as the reminder of the reality hit.

It was one thing to know it. Another to put it into words once again. You felt like screaming, demanding answers from the main culprit of this whole mess. But it was too dangerous. Another heartbreak could be lethal in its consequences.

“Sometimes we lie to ourselves to save the pain” the quiet certainty of Kat’s voice kept you grounded.

It felt risky to believe that he was pushing you away out of fear. But what if… No. You met her inquisitive gaze, hoping to convey the confusion and desperation. She must have understood for she added:

“He’s still coming to check up on me every evening, and the last two days he’s been a little… strange” the meaningful pause felt like bait.

One that you did not hesitate to take.

“How do you mean?” stopping mindless trotting, you sat down on the stool.

“Quiet, wistful, as though something was troubling him, threatening to spill out if he wasn’t too careful” a long taxing look; it sounded familiar, “Trust me, I don’t mean to give you false hope, I just thought you should know that before deciding on any further action” Kat got up and approached you.

Placing a hand on your shoulder, she squeezed it. You felt immensely grateful. Even if a little speechless… Because all of that was a lot to take in. You desperately needed a long afternoon spent in bed, staring at the ceiling and processing the eventful morning. Was it still morning?

“It means a lot, I’m not sure how I could repay you” finding the words again, you gave her a helpless smile.

“Just try to be happy. And don’t give up on things that seem too good to be true. Sometimes those are most worth keeping around” the depth of melancholy in her eyes was startling, “What will you do now?” the tentative tone assured you of the intent behind the question.

It was Kat’s way of saying: don’t do anything stupid. You could not promise that to anyone. The wounds were too fresh; emotions barely kept under control. Anything could happen. But you did not want to alarm her.

“I’m not sure. Think, probably” an unconvincing nonchalance had to do, as unprecedented honesty took voice “But I’m beginning to realise that if I won’t be able to… have him… I’ll just let him be. He deserves the best more than anybody else” you finished the thought and met her eyes.

A passing shock you found there was intriguing. As though your words reminded her of something, and she needed an additional moment to recover. God knows what sort of secrets everybody held on this god-forsaken ship… If the weight of the past and the unsaid could sink boats, it would have been long over. For everyone.

*** You thanked the gods (and Ives) for letting the topic of the lock wait out a little longer. Instead, the next morning’s meeting concerned the splinter unit, the who, and the how. As a result for once, no voice has been raised throughout the two hours spent on the bridge. Nothing much has been decided, but you did not mind. The burden of the last few days rested on your shoulders, preventing sleep or any form of relaxation. The word ‘tired’ did not even begin to describe it. But duties had to be put ahead of any personal issues and so you took part in the confab as usual. Seeing Neil after everything felt like a stab straight in the heart. His silence and the complete lack of acknowledgment of your existence were the added twist of the hilt.

The moment the meeting was over, you bolted out of the door in desperate need of fresh air. It was bound to rain later as the entire deck was covered in strange puddles that formed out of nothing. Perks of inversion and all that. Lost in thoughts concerning the locks, blonde bastards, and the torture of love as a concept and a feeling, you forgot about the golden rule of inverted rainfalls in the making – caution upon stepping on the wet surfaces. Turning around the corner, your foot slipped. Fuck. All you could do was flail your hands helplessly while praying that the fall will not be painful and that it will not detach the oxygen tank. Suffocation was not the death of your choice.

Suddenly the fall was interrupted with a strong grip on your waist. Hands pulling you upright, back to standing. The hold felt familiar. And forbidden. Turning to face the saviour, you were struck by the sight of the blue eyes that haunted your every waking hour. Every dream too. He was close, with hands wrapped around your waist securely. Somehow this felt worse than the fall. You half expected Neil to let go any second now, step away and yell at you for being clumsy. Or maybe just for existing. But he was still there. One of his hands slipped down onto your hip. Speechless, you kept on gazing into his eyes, trying to understand what was going on. All you could see was increasing the confusion. Desire. The boundless depths were drawing you in. Neil pulled you closer. Something in his face made you believe that if it was not for the oxygen masks, he would have kissed you. His gaze roamed across your features, intense, relentless, as though he could never have enough of you. It felt like being stripped bare, left exposed and vulnerable. Despite trying, you were unable to put up a guard, showing him all that he was not supposed to know instead. Everything you tried to hide and deny, bury deep inside so it could be forgotten. Well not anymore… Whatever Neil saw in your eyes woke him up. You noticed a passing frown, replaced with increasing shock. And then horror. What the hell. Before you could even process what happened, he let go and took a hasty step back. He looked sick, pale with fear and panic. Then, just as you tried to find any relevant words, Neil spoke:

“Be more careful next time,” cold and curt as though nothing happened.

He walked off briskly, disappearing into the darkness of the training grounds. What the fuck? A single drop flew up from the deck, splashing onto your chin. The rain has begun. You felt strange. Suddenly mourning the fact that you have been saved from suffocation. It would have been simpler. Less painful. Less terrifying.

*** No matter the hours passing by, or the thousands of different grounding techniques you have attempted, nothing was helping. Lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, you wanted a multitude of things. To get blackout drunk in the hope of forgetting this morning ever happened. (You checked the galley, utterly disappointed to have found nothing with the necessary voltage). You wanted to talk to someone, briefly considering visiting Kat further down the corridor. But that would have meant being even more vulnerable. And a burden. So nope. At one point, you once again considered marching outside without the mask, letting the inverted lung membranes and fucked up rain do the rest. But you did not want to end the life itself. That was not all that bad. You liked your job, the various people you have met along the way. It was only that the current predicament was… unbearable. There had to be a different option.

Then mindless pacing replaced the stillness of lying down. Window, door, and back again. To be repeated for at least an hour. Your thoughts swirling around everything that has been said. Everything that happened. Kat’s story. The look in Neil’s eyes. What if… what if? The unknowns kept multiplying in your head, driving you insane with the extent of what you did not understand. You always hated those moments of suspense. Unsure whether to give up, let go and try to move on, or to keep trying, hoping. Your heart could never process them well without breaking and shattering into millions of pieces. Fuck.

There was one way out of it. One that you tried to push to the back of your head for the few past hours because it was too terrifying. But you were slowly running out of alternatives. One look out of the window told you that you had spent at least six hours like this. It would not do. It was either him or nothing. But you could not survive the insufferable without knowing which one it was. Taking a deep breath, you stopped in the middle of the cabin. This is it. You knew what had to be done. You put on the sweater as though in a trance, making sure to repeat silly affirmations in the quiet of your mind. It had to be alright. If it wasn’t, there were always the seals left…

The walk down the short corridor felt like ascending the steps to the guillotine. Only whatever might happen could be worse than beheading. Your hand shook as you rapped on the door to Neil’s cabin. The sound felt like the worst mistake you ever made. It was too late to turn back. After a very long moment, you heard shuffling inside. When the door opened, you were shocked by a few observations all at once. Neil’s eyes were reddened, hair in absolute disarray. When he realised that you were the intruder, his hands automatically went to smooth the strands in some way. Making even more mess in the process. In any different situation, you would have found that endearing. But your heart was too heavy. You eyed him instantaneously, gaze slipping over the fitting black thermal shirt and the joggers with narrowed cuffs. Not helpful. As you glanced back at his face, you noticed the intensifying confusion. That was the chance to speak…

“Can I come in?” a tentative start to make him more likely to agree.

The shock in his blue eyes slowly changed into careful curiosity. Neil gave you a once-over before opening the door wider and stepping back.

“Of course. Friends are allowed to visit each other” a hint of impatience as though he already had enough.

But that was not the most infuriating bit…

“Friends?” you crossed the threshold and met his eyes with the face of stone, “Sure, that’s one way of looking at what we are” the lack of reaction was inspiring, “Or were” you took a look around his room.

Equally small cabin, littered with a few personal objects. His was phone abandoned on the bedside table, a change of clothes on the floor. A naïve idiot would have taken a moment to consider the fact that maybe he was not as well as you thought. But you were past that, desperate to get answers. A reaction. An end to this madness. With resolve ever-increasing, you sat down on the edge of Neil’s bed, ready for the battle ahead. Meeting his perplexed gaze, you let the penny drop:

“I wonder with how many friends have you been kissing on the bed for two hours” a flash of recognition and then a frown.

As expected. But it still hurt.

That moment from the afternoon before the morning plane to Tallinn was one you often replayed in those desperate hours when nothing seemed to help. You were lying in bed in your room back in London, enjoying each other’s company, exchanging kisses like compliments every few minutes. Sometimes Neil would let his hands become more daring in their caress, causing goosebumps all over your skin. Bringing out sighs and making your heart overflow with love and hope that you finally found what you have been looking for. You felt wanted. You talked a lot about the future, sharing different ridiculous plans for how it could play out. Neil promised to visit your prospective farm with the sheep and dogs. Back then, judging by the look in his eyes, you dared dream that perhaps he would want to be a part of those days still to come. Now, looking at the blonde man awkwardly perching on the chair in front of you, nothing made sense. He stayed for the night then, allowing you to hug him close until the morning. You woke up first, watching him for a few minutes. The steady rise and fall of his chest. Relaxed face with hair sticking up. Calm and content. The warmth spreading from your heart inspired you to press a kiss to his lips as a means of wake up. The sight of Neil sleepy-eyed, peering up at you with a fond smile gracing his features was worth much. Maybe even the current tortures…

Facing him now, you could see the frown deepen.

“Painful memory?” you countered, watching him closely for any hints.

A mask was put on well. But there were flashes of something there. A potential… A possibility of getting burned too.

“In a way,” Neil grimaced, avoiding your piercing gaze.

He was uncomfortable, mindlessly picking on the skin around his nails and tapping his foot. That was the signal to keep on pushing. Until he would be forced to be honest.

“That’s a shame. It’s one of my favourite ones” as he looked up, you offered a deadpan smile, “Just like Oslo,” a shrug complemented with a quick scan of his body, “Though I’m not sure about that… ending,” feigning thoughtfulness you ended the harsh scrutiny.

The point was to back him up against the wall without making him throw you out. That tiny voice at the back of your head told you that he would have done that already if you were not in any way important. That voice was too confident.

“What is your point?” Neil bit back, betraying the level of annoyance you have brought with the innocent reminder.

You knew there was no more skirting around the issue. Now or never.

“Why did you do that earlier? Why did you hold me like...” you trailed off, unable to put into words what it felt like.

Like what? Like a lover. Like someone you actually cared about and not just an irritation. Like someone you could want in your life. But you could never say that to him.

“I was being a gentleman” Neil glanced at you with painfully fake indifference, “Women tend to appreciate that,” a shrug that could not fool you.

Women. The spark of jealousy burned bright. Because what if you were just another distraction. Nothing special. But then the things he said to Kat suggested otherwise. You held onto that thought and squared your shoulders. The game was on.

“...Right,” a sceptical glance in his direction before you continued, “Was that look gentlemanly too? Because last time I checked, gentlemen didn’t tend to look at women as though they wanted to…” trailing off, you awaited the response.

That would mean he took the bait. And the case was not yet lost.

“What?” the lazy tone made you meet Neil’s gaze.

He looked… off. As though before you knocked, he was not exactly fine. It was that nervousness and unkempt appearance that betrayed him. On its own accord, your heart gave out a painful thump, anticipating the fact that Neil too might have been hurting. But why? Ignoring the distraction, you found the needed words and dropped them carelessly.

“Devour them” you held his gaze confidently.

The verb felt right. As though Neil was not trusting his instincts, he looked down, breaking the contact. Putting up further guards. Bingo. He scoffed, throwing in cruelty to the mix:

“And here I was thinking you’re over… this” a vague hand gesture to show what this meant.

You. And him. That something that both was there and was not. Or rather, he wanted it to cease to exist. Only it was not that easy.

“I never said that” putting on the necessary emphasis, you kept on staring at him until he looked up.

Mouth open for another quip. That same steel-blue eyes and clenched jaw. Whatever you have been doing was working. Slowly aggravating him to the point of discomfort. You had to keep the upper hand. Neil seemed to consider something, restlessly fiddling with a pen he picked up from the bedside table. After a beat, he spoke up:

“Why are you here?” weariness in his eyes as he gave out a long exhale.

Easy question… right?

“Because I want answers” it could not be any simpler.

He flinched, letting you see the extent of panic hidden underneath the annoyance and casualness.

“What makes you think I’ve got them?” an arched eyebrow adding the mocking intonation.

The meter of space between you felt like an ocean. He was close enough for you to brush away the strand that has fallen into his eye if you only leaned in. And yet so far that you felt alone, alienated by the cold scrutiny. You had to keep going, tearing at the carefully build up armour hiding him away from you.

“Because you always have words. An abundance of them” you waited till he looked at you again before pressing on “Be it things you probably wish I have forgotten that you have once whispered between kisses” a pause, noticing the boundless unease in the blue eyes “Or all those lovely adjectives you have given me the last couple of days” using the moment of hesitation, you added, “But maybe you were right, and I am stupid, emotional-”

You could give him the whole litany. Your legacy. Exactly how much you were worth in Neil’s eyes. Unless it was a lie…? Before you could begin, Neil raised his hand, interrupting sharply:

“Okay, I get your point” no pride in that frown, almost as though he regretted it, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that” the apology took you by surprise.

As did the sudden change in his face. Neil held your gaze with unusual sheepishness. As if even the act of looking at you was dangerous. Tearing the skin from his lower lip, he was the epitome of insecurity. There was no time to falter.

“Everything?” you prodded, mindful of the poker face you had to maintain.

You could not lose him now. Neil hesitated for a short moment before responding:

“Yes,” another second of eye contact, and he got up, impatiently touching the doorknob “If this is all you wanted, then I’d rather be alone-”

No. You leaped up, reaching out before he could finish the sentence. As your hand landed on his forearm, his eyes snapped to you in shock. He was not expecting you to breach the touch barrier. But there was no other choice. With heart hammering in your chest, you felt your throat tighten. Please not now…

“No,” emotions exposed in the tiny voice crack, “Neil, I’m tired of this, of you not making any fucking sense and expecting me to accept it” pleading, you let your fingers wrap around his wrist.

That had to do. Judging by the terror in his eyes, it was already too much. You could feel your resolve waning. Terrified of the consequences if this backfired. Of what you would have to do if he rejected you once and for good. Of the pain you would have to face then. But you had to be brave. He swallowed hard. You wondered what caused the goosebumps on his skin.

“If this is about earlier, then you’re blowing it out of proportion. Be more reasonable” there was a raw edge to his voice that was new.

You were close now. Enough to force Neil to stare at the ground to avoid looking at you. You noticed those dark circles under his eyes. And the tension spilling out in waves. He was scared of you. And that was a horrifying discovery. Your eyes were burning as you begged your heart to hold on. You had to survive this.

“It’s not just that” betraying the nerves, you took a greedy inhale, “It’s what you told Kat in Oslo. It’s how you look at me” following potentially disastrous instincts, you tipped his chin to meet his eye, “It’s all those sudden switches when you seem so cold and calculating and yet so separated from the real you” running out of breath, you could only stare at Neil.

The widened eyes and parted lips told you exactly how shocked he was. You did feel bad for bringing Kat into it. The argument was too strong to let it go. And it worked if his silent panic was anything to go by. He was desperately searching for words, unable to tear his eyes away from yours as though what you said was a binding charm.

“Why do you think you know the real me?” finally, Neil settled upon the question.

One last attempt at making you forgo this madness. Only there was nothing convincing in his delivery. Eyes hazed, showing you fear and uncertainty. A blood droplet on the lower lip where he tore through the skin. Ignoring the most innate of desires to wipe it off, you cupped his cheek. Neil gasped, frozen in the spot. Could it be working? Sliding your hand down, you interlocked your fingers with his. Everything felt surreal. As if you were not a part of the scene. But you had to persist. To finish what you started.

“Because you once told me that you’ve never lied to me. That I’m very important. Your everything, even” your voice broke again on the last sentence as you tightened your hold over Neil’s hand, “And I understand that you could have changed your mind, but…” you hesitated, feeling him shudder.

Oh my god. Your heart broke for the umpteenth time as the fact dawned on you. Neil was shivering slightly as though he was cold. But there was no draft. Nothing to cause it apart from your presence, words, and the physical touch. A choked sob built up in your throat.

“…why are you trembling when all I’m doing is holding your hand? Am I that revolting?” the questions were interrupted by a sniff you could not hold back any longer; there was time for honesty, “The last few days have been awful, making me want to stupid things just to feel something different than heartbreak. I’m not saying that to get your pity, but if I got it all so wrong then tell me now. Because I’m not sure I can survive much longer like this” after finishing the speech, the tears trailed down your cheeks uninvited.

It was all there for him. Nothing to add. Your heart was beating fast, blood pounding in your ears. For a second, you felt suspended in time, unable to do anything but stare at Neil, who seemed utterly speechless. And then his face fell. Eyes fell shut as he let out a heart-shattering whimper. Tears started falling down his face as you tried to brush them away. You have not seen him that broken since the aftermath of TP’s death. He tugged his hand out of your hold to cover his face, turning away. Christ… The searing pain was back, this time making your heart bleed for Neil. You did not know what to do, powerless and paralyzed with a multitude of thoughts and feelings. After a minute which felt like an eternity, Neil faced you again with red-rimmed eyes and tragedy in his gaze. That was the needed wake-up. Stepping back into action, you placed your hand on his chest. Just over the beating heart. A gentle encouragement.

“I can’t… I can’t tell you that it’s over because I still…” the breathless words tinged with panic and struggle as he fought for every gust of air, “I can’t keep on…” another sob, shaking his whole body “You’re…” a sharp intake followed by instant defeat.

Immeasurable anguish in Neil’s eyes was another reason to find the strength you did not know you had. Maybe it was worth it.

“What? I’m here with you and willing to listen. To do anything but please just make me understand” holding back more tears, you made sure he saw the determination painted on your face.

Slowly you were coming to terms with the reality. You would do anything for him. Anything he asked.

“I don’t know how to…” Neil trailed off, looking for answers all over the floor and ceiling, “I’m tired of having to pretend when you’re all I…” a moment of hesitation as his eyes widened.

He did not intend to say that much. You’re all I… what? Before you could find ways of pressing on, he turned away again and sat down on the bed. A frown etched deep into his forehead. Eyebrows furrowed. Eyes glistening with unshed tears. This was bad. Awkwardly, you shifted from one foot to another. Words were escaping you both.

“Then don’t. I won’t bite” your useless quip was received with an ill-disguised dry chuckle, “Call it naïve, but I don’t think it’s anything we can’t fix if we…” shit.

You knew what was there on the tip of your tongue. It was too early. Fuck knows if he even… But he had to. There was no other force in the universe that could cause this much pain.

“If what?” Neil caught your mistake with strange emotion in his eyes.

As though he wanted you to spell it out. You could not give in. Some words had the potential to destroy, and it was too fragile. A freshly opened wound you still had to mend somehow.

“Don’t make me say it again” a whisper to make him understand your actions.

After a beat, Neil nodded. He seemed exhausted, slouching and staring at the floor unseeingly. That feeling of helplessness threatened to come back with force as you were running out of ideas to make it work. To get him back somehow. Then his voice broke the tense silence:

“Christ…” a long exhale before he looked at you again, “I don’t even know where to begin, but…” resignation passed through his face.

You felt a strange spark of hope flicker in the depths of your heart. It did not look like rejection. It did not look like anything you have ever experienced, and yet it made so much sense. Because after everything you have been through, there was no way this could be easy. Kindling that building fire, you cautiously took a step forward, maintaining the eye contact:

“Yes?” the most neutral of tones, holding the emotions at bay.

Everything not to scare him off. You made it so close. You could give up now. A hint of a sad smile upon Neil’s lips was encouraging…

“Come closer. I want to…” he reached out a hand you gladly took, letting him pull you nearer.

It did not matter what he wanted. Only that you could give it to him. Anything. Everything. Upon the sudden surge of courage, you covered the remaining inches of space and straddled his lap in one smooth movement. Another gasp as Neil glanced at you with obvious amazement. Then, as though he worried that even this was too much, he looked down at where his hands tentatively settled on your hips. This position was familiar. And yet, you felt different, unable to make sense of the myriad of emotions and thoughts occupying your mind. All that mattered was Neil. His hesitant but intimate hold. The hair falling into his eyes. Shallow breaths escaping through the parted lips.

“It’s alright, look at me,” gently you lifted his chin so that you could meet his gaze.

Blue eyes full of longing. For you. Exhaling sharply, you knew well enough what to do. You wound your hands around his waist, drawing him into a tight embrace. That too felt natural. After a second, Neil relaxed, melting into your hug as if that was exactly what was missing. At that moment, with head resting in the crook of his neck, at last feeling as though there was a point in all this, your eyes welled up. No matter the suffering, this had to be it. Your everything. Neil breathed you in, warm puffs of air causing shivers all over your body. There was no point in pretending.

“Please come back to me,” you whispered against his skin, letting tears trail onto his shirt.

Neil tightened his hold, hands roaming over your back, pulling you even closer. All it took was a kiss he pressed onto the exposed skin of your collarbone to make you tremble.

“I never left,” the hesitancy told you he did not believe it either.

“You did. But maybe… I’ll do anything to have you back” the urgency in your voice causing Neil to lean back.

He wiped the stray tears from your cheeks, taking an additional moment to caress your neck with tenderness. You could only lean into his touch, feeling as though whatever might happen has already been decided. There was no way you could let this go. Neil seemed to consider something quickly before he spoke:

“All those words… they fail me when I’m trying to explain what I was doing” his voice was raspy with the weight of emotions, “Or why. Because I’m scared of making it come true. It’s as if once I say it… it might…” he paused, searching for words in your eyes.

“Become real?” you offered, running your fingers through his unruly hair.

You were right. It was all an act. The elation was restrained by worry and love. It didn’t matter.

“Yeah…” Neil swallowed hard, “And then there’s all this mess in my head… The thoughts that just won’t shut up. I’m so fucking tired of… of-” the familiarity of his words causing another flash of pain within your heart “I can’t ask you to-” he cut himself off as though the idea was unspeakable.

You caught a sight of something darker within his gaze. They always said that actions speak louder than words…

“Neil, I said I’ll do anything. I mean it. What do you need?” you met his panicked eyes with resilience.

It took him a longer minute to stop staring at you. To wake up. And then, as simple as it can be:

“You. I need you,” touching his forehead to yours his breath ghosted your lips, “But after everything I did, I wouldn’t expect you to want me… like that” the depth of remorse was heart-breaking.

You already knew what the answer would be. Nothing else mattered. Regrets, worries, and fears had to be abandoned for the sake of this.

“The trouble with the heart is that it doesn’t care what you’ve done. Only that this is you,” smiling lightly, you cupped his cheek, “Just… kiss me. Like you mean it. Like you could love me. And then we’ll see if we can make it work,” unsure where the words came from, you faltered.

But before any vicious doubts could step in, Neil closed the gap. His lips slowly glided over yours, reminding you what it felt like. It did not take much persuading for you to open your mouth, deepening the kiss. It felt like coming home after a long time away. Like that first step over the threshold when one is unsure what they will find. Only to realise that everything is in the right place. That they should have never left. You tangled your fingers in his hair, bringing him even closer. He groaned upon the sensation, teeth grazing over your bottom lip. A sigh escaped your throat as Neil’s hands ventured underneath the sweater. For the first time in a while, everything made sense. You tugged at his shirt just for the sake of it as a means of showing him how wrong he was. You wanted him more than before if that was possible. The kiss consuming you both with its intensity and force. Your tongues participating in their dance, brushing against each other, increasing the intimacy of the moment. It finally felt right. Slow, unhurried, but desperate. Unforgettable.

You did not even know when it ended. One moment you were willing to give up breath if only to make it last longer. The next Neil had you pinned to the bed, breathless and shocked. When you met his gaze, the depth of expression told you what it meant. Finally.

#tenet #neil tenet #neil x reader #neil tenet x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion

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cuddlepilefics · 3 years

Text

Migraine

Fandom: GOT7

Sickie: Mark

Caregiver: Jackson & Jinyoung

Prompt: @sicktember

No one’s POV.:

Being the quietest member certainly had its perks, Mark realized when he woke up feeling off. He didn’t know what exactly was wrong, so he didn’t want to worry his friends. Throughout breakfast, the oldest had been quiet but nobody thought much of it, as he was always quiet. What Mark didn’t know was that his roommate had noticed. Jackson knew the older very well, as you do after living together for years. He could tell his hyung wasn’t feeling himself, though he couldn’t tell exactly what was wrong or what had given it away. It was more like a gut-feeling, that something wasn’t right. Jackson was relieved that they’d spend the entire day at the studio because he couldn’t imagine Mark would be up for dancing today. They’d have a lot of recording to do, which wasn’t too stressful and consisted mainly of revising lyrics and waiting for their turn to record. Maybe the oldest could take a nap until he had to record and would be fine with just a little more rest. Going back to their room to get ready to head out, Jackson got only more worried. It was his hyung’s clothing choice that stuck out to Jackson like a red flag. Mark had that extremely old and washed-out hoodie, which he had brought from the US when he first came to Korea to train. By now, it was far from fashionable and served more as a comfort item, which the rapper usually wore when he didn’t feel well or was home-sick. Him putting it on now, confirmed the younger’s suspicions.

“Hyung, are you feeling alright?”, Jackson asked, barely stopping the older from leaving their shared room. Mark turned around and looked at him confused, muttering: “Sure, why?” – "You’re wearing that hoodie. You always wear it when you don’t feel good”, Jackson pointed out. Glancing down his outfit, the oldest realized that his dongsaeng was right. He just hadn’t expected anyone to pick up on it. Shrugging, he replied: “I feel a bit off, maybe didn’t sleep enough.” Jackson nodded, not fully buying it but following his hyung to the living room anyway. They waited for everyone else to finish up and then headed out together. During their drive to the studio, Mark started to question himself. Jackson’s comment had sparked his worry. He hadn’t put on that hoodie deliberately, it had just happened on top of already feeling weird. What was going on with him? Being so deep in thought, he didn’t even notice how they pulled up in front of the company building. “Are you coming, hyung?”, Jaebeom’s voice startled him from his thoughts and Mark nodded quickly, wincing when the fast movement caused his head to ache. He quickly climbed out of the vehicle, stumbling a bit before he was able to get his footing. Watching him stumble, Jackson linked their arms and walked him up to their studio. The older couldn’t help but be flustered. He felt fine, right? He didn’t need help to walk.

Jackson was the first one to record with Jaebeom as the producer, so Mark sat with the rest of the members, revising his lyrics and warming up his voice. The headache he had gotten from nodding his head to fast earlier was still lingering, so he decided his voice was warmed up enough and quietly sat there, reading over his lyrics. Or rather, pretending to read over his lyrics as they were blurring together in front of his eyes. The rapper winced, massaging his temples. Maybe that was why he had been feeling off. He carefully reached for his water bottle and took a few sips before going back to revising. The headache only increased the longer he looked at the small-print, so he closed his eyes for a few seconds, quickly opening them again as he felt the room spinning. It took Mark a while to put the pieces together. Every now and again, he suffered from migraines and this felt like the beginning of one. The odd feeling this morning, the ache from moving too fast and the dizziness. It all made sense now. From this point on, Mark knew it would only get worse as the day progressed but what could he do about it? They had deadlines for their new album and he didn’t want to hold them back. He had to record now because they had a too tight schedule to postpone his recording. Anxiously glancing towards the recording booth, the rapper made up his mind. As soon as Jackson would be done, he’d convince the others to let him record next. He should get it over with as soon as possible before getting too useless and miserable later.

Mark tried to speak up when Jackson exited the recording booth but for some reason, he felt frozen in his spot. Jinyoung went in to record next as the oldest sat motionlessly in his seat. “You okay?”, Jackson mouthed, sitting down next to him and nudging his shoulder to get his attention. The older nodded before realizing his mistake and scrunching his face up in pain at the movement. Jackson obviously didn’t believe him after that, pulling out his phone to text Mark that he looked awful and was acting far from okay. Knowing he couldn’t look at his bright phone screen, Mark leaned closer to his dongsaeng and whispered barely audible: “’m developing a migraine.” He could see shock and understanding flash across the younger’s face within a split second before Jackson replied as quietly: “How bad is it yet and when did it start?” – “Started when I got out of the car and it’s not too bad yet. My head hurts but it’s bearable and my stomach’s starting to churn a bit”, Mark answered truthfully, aware that the younger would immediately assume the worst if he didn’t. "Do you want some water and do you have your medicine with you?”, Jackson worried. Closing his eyes, the oldest hummed: “Already had lots of water, my meds are at home.” He knew that he was supposed to take his medication with him for situations like this but somehow, he had forgotten and didn’t find the energy to scold himself for it now. He kept his eyes closed, as Jackson wordlessly started to massage his neck, helping him to relax.

When Jinyoung exited the recording booth, Jackson was quick to speak up, announcing that Mark was going next. He had taken care of the older on similar occasions before and was well aware that his hyung would only be getting worse from, especially without his migraine medication. Mark shot him a grateful smile before forcing himself up from the couch. He swayed dangerously for a moment before making his way into the recording booth on wobbly legs. His vision blurred as the rapper stood behind the mic. Just standing on his own two feet had made the pain a lot worse, the pounding being all Mark could focus on. He knew he couldn’t put anymore pressure on his head if he didn’t want it to explode but reached for the headphones anyway. His hands shook as he put them on painfully slow. He had torn them off again in barely half the time he had needed to put them on, crying in pain as he fell to his knees. His head spun and his stomach churned. At first, he didn’t even notice the hand on his back, which later turned out to belong to Jackson, who had barged into the booth the second Mark had cried out. He had kept a closer eye on his hyung ever since he admitted to suffering from another migraine.

The members felt helpless as their oldest cried in pain on the floor of the recording booth. Jackson held him, soothingly rubbing his back, but was unable to provide enough comfort. By the way Mark clutched his head, they knew he had a migraine, having witnessed it a couple of times over the course of their career, so Jinyoung turned off the lights and quietly approached the pair with a bottle of water. “Hyung, do you think you can stomach some water?”, he asked carefully. The older replied tensely: “I-I need to be sick.” Quickly scooping him up, Jackson tried to get to the bathroom as fast as possible without jostling his sick hyung too much. Mark had already turned a few shades paler by the time they made it there and relied on the younger’s support to keep himself upright in front of the toilet. His stomach lurched, causing him to pitch forward, and he was grateful for Jackson’s strong arm steadying him. The younger couldn’t help but feel his heart break at his hyung’s pained groans in between the heaves. It didn’t help that Mark had barely eaten anything during breakfast, so after all the water was out, he struggled to bring anything up. He was surprised his head was still in one piece as it felt like exploding over and over again from the strain. After what felt like an eternity, the heaves slowly tapered and Mark weakly slumped back against Jackson’s chest, who tightened his hold on the older. The younger gently brushed his hyung’s sweaty hair out of his eyes before reaching for some toilet paper to clean him up.

“Are you ready to go home now?”, Jackson asked quietly. He only knew that Mark was still awake because his face was contorted in pain. Tearing up, the older whimpered: “I-I can’t go home. We have deadlines.” – “Hyung, you won’t be able to record like this anyway. You look like a corpse and I’m afraid you might become one if you don’t rest soon”, Jackson retorted, “I finished already, I can take you home. Doesn’t your bed sound really tempting, right now?” – “It does”, Mark had to admit hoarsely. Still shaky on his legs, he allowed his dongsaeng to pull him to his feet and onto his back. Trying to keep his steps light, Jackson carried him back to the studio, so they could inform the others about leaving. “I’ll come with you, I’m done already too”, Jinyoung announced, collecting their belongings while Jaebeom called them a driver. Mark kept his eyes closed through all of it, reminding himself that gritting his teeth would only make the pain worse. Suddenly there was a gently hand on his head, stroking his hair, and he heard Jaebeom’s voice close to his ear. “Get some rest and don’t worry about our deadlines, I’ll reschedule the recording for you”, the leader hummed softly. Mark replied with a sleepy: “Thanks.” Then he felt Jackson move and Jinyoung instructed: “Keep your eyes closed, we’re almost outside and it’s rather sunny.” It wasn’t like Mark had any motivation to open his eyes anyway, so he let his dongsaeng’s take him to the car. Jinyoung got in first and helped Mark find his seat too. While he buckled the oldest’s seatbelt, Jackson got in on the other side, buckling himself up too before adjusting the air conditioning.

They spent the ride in silence with Mark resting on Jinyoung’s shoulder and Jackson holding his hand for emotional support. The older was so out of it that he didn’t pay any attention to the other two distributing tasks as they pulled up in front of their dorm building. Jinyoung unbuckled their seatbelts before going ahead to the dorm to let the other two in and Jackson helped the dizzy Mark out of the vehicle and onto his back again. They made their way to the dorm much slower than their dongsaeng, who took off Mark’s shoes while Jackson struggled out of his. He then carried the oldest straight to their room and lowered him on his bed. “Shorts or sweatpants?”, he hummed, opening his hyung’s closet. Peeling himself out of his jeans, Mark muttered: “Shorts please.” He changed with some difficulties before laying down and pulling his pillow over his head. While Jackson closed the blinds, Jinyoung came in with a bucket, some water and his hyung’s migraine medication. “Hyung, can you sit up for a moment? I’ve got your meds”, the vocalist whispered, gently removing the pillow. Before even trying to sit up, the older warned: “I-I might need to be sick again.” – “That’s okay, I brought a bucket but try to keep the pills in as long as possible”, Jinyoung assured, helping his hyung to sit up. Mark downed the pills with only a few small sips of water, afraid they’d come right back up. Jackson had ventured into the kitchen and collected two icepacks, while his dongsaeng helped Mark get under the blanket properly. “Wait”, he hummed lowly, returning to their room, “Lay your head on my lap.” Sitting down against the wall close to the headboard, Jackson settled the older’s head on his thigh and gently slipped one icepack under his neck before placing the other on his forehead. “Alright, you can go to sleep now, hyung”, the younger rapper smiled, playing with Mark’s hair. Jinyoung sat down on Jackson’s bed, whispering: “I hope you feel better when you wake up.”

#got7 #fanfic #fanfiction #sick #sickfic #sicktember2021 #fluff #comfort #markson

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tearsofsyrup · 3 years

Text

half-silvered

— With all the time that has passed since your endless fleeing began, some part of you seems to have forgotten that you are running away from actual people and that there is an actual possibility that they might catch up to you.

pairing. kwon soonyoung / reader

genre. space pirate au, exes au, sci-fi au, romance, angst

word count. 4k

warnings. brief violence

notes. part of @merakiiverse‘s collab! happy holidays, honeys.

Your heartbeat is steady. And unsettlingly silent.

The darkness stretching from wall to wall, blanketing the rooms and corridors in a thick black only interrupted by the round stream of your flashlight which creates distorted shadows before you, does not make your blood pump faster anymore. A thrill you faintly remember from past times in this career is but a stale taste in the back of your throat now, its tang long since eroded.

Skimming over the numbers on each crate with heavy-lidded eyes as you proceed, your free hand digs in the pocket of your coat to retrieve a small list. You cannot bother to count the rooms you pass until you find the box with a code matching the one on your piece of paper, dismissing any distant thud that might reach your ear. Even the thought of one of the thugs you passed on the street before entering the warehouse following you inside, does not alarm you. You trust it would be different if a thirty-seven thousand credit blaster - stolen, naturally - wasn’t fastened to your utility belt, but you cannot be sure anymore.

You shove the end of your flashlight in your mouth as you crouch before the targeted crate and pull out your cloaked mobile to hack the heavy lock sealing the lid shut - a fruitless attempt at keeping your kind out. And with nothing but a few taps and a few beeps more, the lock slides open.

The list feels amateur to you despite its ambition; two whole pairs of di-blasters, no less than three Caratian batteries and one weighty pouch of crystal powder. You're aware that this used to be exhilarating, the thousands of credits worth of cargo you are currently tucking in your backpack - multiplied with a one point two by your buyer. However. You suppress a yawn as you check the list again, before closing the crate with a loud boom.

And wandering back the way you came is just as uneventful as you remember it.

Until you hear a door shut somewhere behind you, not far away.

Instinct is what swings you around, arm steady with experience as you shine your light forth and around, other hand ready on the handle of your blaster. You see nothing but shelves and crates and more crates as your light scans the room, penetrating its dense shadow. Your heartbeat is picking up, but shyly so, your breathing yet even.

Silence. Similar to the one that often creeps inside your skull and lays its eggs of isolation and loneliness in your dreams when you try to sleep during some nights. You gulp, slowly releasing the grip on your blaster.

So you turn back around, quietly and carefully-

A face.

Halted breath.

Soonyoung?

Everything burns, lightning setting fire to the bones beneath your skin and squeezing your lungs of their air and-

...

A piercing headache is what coaxes your consciousness, eyes yet closed. Piercing, as though you are being slammed in the head with the handle of a blaster over and over, the resulting groan that crawls its way out of your chest almost causing you to jump in surprise. Attempting to pry your eyelids open only seems to worsen the incessant pounding, so you let them remain shut, slowly realizing that you are slouched on the ground, back leaned against a wall of some sort. You move to push yourself forward.

But your wrists are tied behind you.

It hurts when your breath hitches.

You force your eyes open then, despite it seemingly grasping your brain and ripping it apart, the instinct to survive activating and tingling within your muscles.

A disorienting blur is all you see through your squinting, a distant canvas of blacks and greys and biting lights. You think a monotone whirr surrounds you but cannot be sure if its a figment of mere imagination through the painful pounding in your ears.

As your vision slowly steadies and your heartbeat’s speed increases, you see that someone sits before you. A face. When your eyes close, Soonyoung’s face flashes across the insides of your lids and you feel fluster burning beneath your cheeks, remembering. Soonyoung?

With a sharp sting, you blink and blink away the dim coating your pupils. It isn’t Soonyoung.

“Ji- ugh... Ji-...” Jihoon, your sore throat won’t let you say.

Jihoon?

His glare is pointed, willing everything in its way to turn to stone. Just like how it used to be. But filled with more hatred, directed at you now. And you can barely comprehend that it is really him.

The inside of a ship surrounds you when you look around, a grey and matte metal, various large crates - one of which Jihoon is seated upon - rucksacks and blasters and canisters and multicolored lights crowding the space. It is bigger than the ship of theirs from your memories.

Jihoon’s all but predatory gaze is still waiting when you return to it.

You try to clear your throat, wincing at the painful pounding that follows and echoes between the walls of your skull. Fingertips tingling, you remember being knocked out, in the warehouse. The fiery burn. Electricity.

“Ji-” you begin, voice raspy but Jihoon stands with a sigh and walks away, out through a doorway and presumably into another room.

You are left stunned, feeling abandoned, body aching. The chill he meets you with after all these years, without even as much as a word, squeezes around your heart in a most discomforting way, despite being expected. Despite him clearly having a hand in your current physical state.

But you ignore that pain and will your eyes to scan your surroundings, your instinct to survive muted but present, searching for any way to escape and run.

With as much power as you can muster in your unwell state and vulnerable position, you jerk your wrists against the cuffs tying your hands together. An electronic lock, you guess, definitely attached to the wall somehow. Inconvenient...

You swallow around slimy saliva, throat so dry it almost feels like sand on its way down. And Soonyoung’s face flashes behind your eyelids when you blink again.

Your eyes are fixed on the doorway now, somehow sensing exactly who will soon enter, rhythmic thuds of footsteps approaching.

But expecting his appearance does naught to calm the heat his presence spreads throughout your body.

Soonyoung.

The same Soonyoung but with grimmer eyes, a stronger build and a missing smile.

Your throat squeezes, feeling as though your heart has jumped up and plugged it shut in an attempt to leave the painful constraints of your chest. Feelings you have tried to keep hidden for so long. Nails bite into your palms where your hands form tight fists behind you.

He walks with steady steps, sharp eyes narrow when they meet yours, Jihoon stopping to lean against the doorway while someone unfamiliar follows behind Soonyoung.

It hurts to breathe as heavily as you are now but you cannot stop.

Soonyoung stills before you to sit where Jihoon had, the stranger standing behind him scrutinizing you. But you don’t pay the latter much mind.

“Soonyoung...” you sigh, but an injured whisper, something salty burning distantly behind your eyes.

He watches you silently, eyebrows twitching slightly at the utterance of his name.

“Why-” you begin but stumble on a cough.

Soonyoung reaches inside his jacket and pulls out a small flask, unscrewing the lid and guiding it to your mouth, helping you drink. If he were anyone else, you would give the offer a second guess. But he’s Soonyoung.

Yet here you are, captive in his ship.

“You never were good at being taken by surprise...” His voice resonates within the deepest parts of your chest and you choke slightly on the water, fists tightening impossibly when his sentence his followed by your name. The familiar vibrations in your ears are too shocking and it somehow scares you, a feeling you do not experience much of.

Soonyoung retracts the flask and flashes you a strained smile, eyes remaining dull. “That’s why we made such a good team.”

A stab in the heart, is what that sentence feels like and you cannot help but shift your eyes to the floor, your dirty boots. Unearned, since you were the one holding the knife back then.

You test your voice with a careful hum, lifting your eyes to meet Soonyoung’s returned frown. “Wh- uhm... I- You electrocuted me... Didn’t you?”

He nods, something pained in his stare. Freezing compared to how Jihoon made you feel. “Yes.”

“Wh-” A cough. “Where’s my ship?”

“We’ve parked it in a private haven. It’s ours now.”

Your gaze shifts from Soonyoung to the stranger behind him, his expression inquisitive, then to Jihoon, glare heavy with unmistakable anger. A swallow tightens your throat.

“You- Why am I here?”

“We want credits,” Soonyoung says and you frown. “A desire you must be pretty familiar with...”

Your heartbeat freezes for a second and something stings somewhere behind your eyes again. There is venom in his voice that never used to be there before. But you are who poisoned him so the hurt you feel is unearned, you remind yourself.

“So, then just take-”

“We want credits,” Soonyoung repeats, interrupting you and resting his elbows on his thighs to lean closer. “... but not yours.”

When your eyes stray due to puzzlement they are only received by Jihoon’s still hateful glare, therefore returning to Soonyoung quickly. Even though his hostility hurts you more.

“Then... What will you do with me...?”

The man before you shrugs, head jerking when black strands of hair catch on his eyelashes. “Nothing much... We’re not gonna kill you or hurt you any more. But I can’t make such promises on the Chancellor’s behalf.”

Your jaw drops along with your heart, and probably your temperature too.

“You’ve pissed a lot of people off, y’know?” Soonyoung continues, leaning away. “The bounty on your head only keeps increasing, especially alive.”

“Y-... You’re fetching me for the Chancellor...” Your voice is significantly weaker now.

And it seems to reach Soonyoung differently, because the chill in his gaze turns glum, a poignance in the way he observes your deflating form on the floor of his ship. Which only seems to worsen the pain viciously clawing at your insides, like your body is only just realizing that it is really him. He found you, after so long. And he is sending you to your probable death.

“Soonyoung...”

He purses his lips, as if biting back an apology of some sorts that he knows you don’t deserve. A nod is all you get before he stands again.

“Jeonghan, upload the route and start the ship,” he commands, seemingly to the stranger behind him. Then he is gone through the doorway again, what remains of your heart merely left to soak in self-inflicted misery.

...

They decide to watch you for one shift each whilst you travel toward your pending doom, a wise decision considering your track record of escaping sticky situations. Coupled with the fact that you do not want to hurt either Soonyoung or Jihoon anyway, despite phantom heat still tingling throughout your limbs from the earlier electric shock and heavy handcuffs digging into your wrists.

Jeonghan, the stranger, is the first to watch you. He is surprisingly nice to you, offers you water and even bread, initiating small talk - something you cannot remember when you last did without an ulterior motive.

“So, you used to know Soonyoung and Jihoon, right?” he asks at one point with an encouraging smile, making you wonder how much he knows. The weight of the question rings quietly in your ears.

“Uhm, yes... Yes, I used to know them...”

When you say no more, despite Jeonghan’s patience, he clears his throat. “Did... you guys have a falling out?”

You scoff upon reflex. “Yeah, you could say that...”

Jeonghan squints. “What happened?”

A heaviness brews within Jeonghan’s eyes and suddenly you feel like he knows everything, like he is just asking to confirm what he has already been told. To decide if you really are the vile monster he thinks of you as.

The darkness of the cargo hold turns colder suddenly and you look away. “I’d rather not talk about it...” you squeak as your heart thuds painfully.

Jeonghan’s all but invasive stare fades and he changes the subject then.

...

The next shift is Jihoon’s and you have never felt as naked, vulnerable and guilty as you do under his burning glare.

He doesn’t utter one single word. Only sits in front of you and stares, seemingly trying to summon your death with nothing but one long look and a chilling quiet. And you are terribly surprised that it doesn’t work.

Not even sleep is worth attempting in Jihoon’s silence as when your lids fall shut Jihoon’s loathing expression is imprinted behind them, slowly morphing into Soonyoung’s instead. It only makes your heart jump and eyes itch, so you endure Jihoon’s invisible knives with an increasingly parched throat for the duration of his shift.

...

Despite how unsettling being watched by Jihoon proved to be, when it is Soonyoung’s turn you almost ask Jihoon to stay.

Your body has grown heavy with fatigue but your mind awakens painfully when Soonyoung approaches, bringing a tension so thick it makes you sweat with him. Therefore his first action of offering you water is appreciated. But the way there’s a permanent frown weighing at the corners of his mouth makes the water taste bitter.

You break the silence after moisturizing your vocal chords, speaking over the consistent beeping sounds in the background.

“I think Jihoon wants me dead,” seems like the only thing you can think of saying. Even though there are so many words boiling within your chest with Soonyoung’s name written all over them, you feel like you do not have the right to their utterances.

Soonyoung’s lips purse, slanted gaze serious. “You’re probably right.”

It hurts, though you have not earned that pain. Only caused it.

A quiet that lasts a forged eternity proceeds, until the tension turns deafening.

Soonyoung sighs, a slow hand combing through his hair. “Jihoon used to like you more than me, y’know? You were always his favorite...”

It really hurts.

“Until you fucked us over,” Soonyoung finishes.

Averting your eyes you swallow around slimy saliva, a cold knot twisting in the pit of your stomach. And there is a burn behind your eyelids you are afraid will boil over if you meet Soonyoung’s stare again. The cognizance of your weakness that washes over you and makes your hairs stand on end is unpleasant, mercilessly corroding the strong image you’ve built of yourself.

“You-you gave up everything we had for... money,” Soonyoung continues when you can’t, the weight of his tone increasing. “You left us, you left... me. You left me for fucking credits...” His voice wavers and it’s a dagger in your heart, a sting behind your eyes.

Your memory is as clear as if it had only just happened. Seeing the offer that had been sent to you. Considering and considering and considering, all those credits that could be yours if you just made the right choice. Lying sleepless next to Soonyoung that night, palm flat on his naked chest. Getting dressed quietly, leaving the ship with the emptiness of an unspoken goodbye in your stomach, one you convinced yourself wasn’t real. Giving away the ship’s location to the bidder, knowing the trouble it would bring your friend and your lover. How salty the countless credits tasted once yours. You still taste it now.

Though you cannot be sure of how long it takes for you to notice that you are crying, you find that your will to save face has run out. You break at last.

Ugly sobbing bounces between the metal walls of the ship, worsening with each breath as you keep remembering that you are not the one who should be crying. Your lungs burn painfully, Jihoon and Jeonghan surely waking upon your horrid weeping. It feels as though your heart is melting, running down your cheeks and dying as the droplets flatten across the floor. In only moments, you are reduced to nothing. Nothing but shame. And the man whose heart you battered witnesses it all.

Eventually, there are no more tears left to cry and silence thrives again, save for the rhythmic beeping.

“I’m sorry,” comes the apology that is long overdue, as raspy as it may be.

Soonyoung’s expression is blue, eyes glazed over with a sadness you only recognize now when yours are too. “It doesn’t matter,” he reminds you, though his tone is not as dismissive as the sentence it offers.

Your head shakes quickly, strands of hair sticking against your tacky cheeks. “I know it doesn’t. You’ve always been a man of your word Soonyoung, and you will turn me in no matter what I say now...” you concede and Soonyoung’s shoulders slump. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I-I-I was greedy and selfish and only cared about credits, about feeling strong and independent and invincible-... Or so I thought. Or wanted to, I-... I cared about you two...” Your throat tightens, but you force your words out anyway. “I loved you Soonyoung and I- It wasn’t fake, I was never lying, I just-... I wanted to feel like I didn’t need you... And there will never be a time when I won’t regret what I did...”

Tears descend the expanse of your face again, but silently this time. And Soonyoung’s stare is filled with something warmer now, despite his steadfast sorrow. And you can only think about the hugs you left behind, the kisses, the smiles, the laughs.

“You’re an idiot.”

Your chest jumps at the new voice, blurry stare shooting to where Jihoon is leaned against the doorway again. He sounds the same after three years. And some of the hatred in his glare has faded now.

You nod carefully, lip shaking. “I know.”

Soonyoung’s eyes remain steadily on you.

From where your limbs are slumped in a dead pile against the wall, they stiffen abruptly when there’s a sudden hand on your cheek and your attention jumps to Soonyoung again. He wipes your tears with gentle touches, warm thumb soft across your skin. Nails tickle your cheekbone lightly as he moves to tuck some stray strands of hair behind your ear. Your heart must be shuddering.

“I missed you for a long time,” he tells you, pupils tracing the shapes of your features along with his finger. “And then hated you for even longer.”

Your lips purse, sour accord pooling in your eyes, his touch leaving a trail of pleasant tingles. “I hate myself too, and it’s due time I get served my share of consequences.”

Soonyoung’s lids become heavier and his gaze darkens. “You should get some sleep now,” he mutters.

And the temperatures within and around you drop when his hand leaves your face.

...

Despite Soonyoung’s request and your extreme fatigue, sleep did not come easily that night. Likely due to the knowledge of your approaching punishment - though it is hard for you to imagine feeling any worse than you already do.

The guilt that you postponed for the past years weighs uncomfortably on your shoulders as you now stand by the still sealed ramp, and so do the electronic cuffs around your wrists along with the hanging shadows beneath your eyes. A sickness is brewing in your stomach, made up of shame and hunger, but you somehow like it in the same way that you deserve it.

You can sense Soonyoung’s presence behind you as much as you can hear it by his footsteps, and turn around slowly. Jihoon and Jeonghan stand idly in the background, also awaiting your departure. Though there is seemingly something sour in the curl of Jihoon’s brow, and something hesitant in the stiffness of Jeonghan’s lip.

But undoubtedly, the grim matte of Soonyoung’s eye is worst of all.

His face hasn’t been this close in years and the longing ache his proximity offers feels as undeserved as his frown. You threw him away and he is still the victim, despite the handcuffs trapping you. Soonyoung is still the good one.

“It’s time,” he says, voice steady and breath fanning your face. He really is close.

You nod, "it’s time.” And the silence that has plagued your chest for too long only deepens then, cold within the confines of your ribs.

A smile is what the grimace you present is meant to be, eyes piercing his own, desperately trying to remember his exact shade of brown and the charming tilt encasing it. What you fell for, what you betrayed and what put you in your place. This is right, as much as it hurts and as dead as it renders your barely beating heart. The goodbye you have earned.

But a fire is rising in Soonyoung’s gaze, even though it’s not supposed to.

And then he is grabbing your face, gloved palms flat against your cheeks, and kissing you. His lips are soft and plump, his pace is hard and reckless, his taste is warm and familiar and your whole body is frozen. Until your heart bursts with something so loud it feels like it hasn’t made a single sound in forever.

Coming to half your senses, you kiss Soonyoung back with as much fervor as you can manage, tied hands tingling with an insatiable desire to touch him and hold him closer. As if hearing your silent plea, he pulls you in, leaving no air to breathe between you. You distantly imagine Jihoon’s head turning away and Jeonghan’s unreadable expression but cannot find the will to care.

Soonyoung pulls away far too soon and his serious yet heavy-lidded gaze pierces you still.

“Listen to me,” he starts, chest heaving in time with yours, grip meaningful on your shoulders. “Get out of there as quickly as you can, and come find me.”

Your whole body is shaking under the impact of your heartbeat.

“Understand?” Soonyoung’s brows shoot upward.

The demand is unrealistic. You have not heard of anyone escaping the captivity of the Chancellor and know that the odds are positively against you, no matter how skilled you might be. Your death is surely ready to welcome you with open arms, as soon as the ramp is lowered.

Yet, you nod. Knees quivering.

Faintly, you register something beeping.

“Soonyoung,” Jeonghan calls.

You don’t know what to make of the man’s expression when you turn to look, nor Jihoon’s.

Soonyoung’s whisper of your name brings your bug-eyed stare back to him. Those deep brown, fiery eyes.

You nod again.

He sighs, carefully.

Then steps away to push the button that opens the ramp.

Cold winds rush inside the ship and tousle your hair, worsening the shaking in your limbs. But all you feel is rhythmic exhilaration pumping from your heart.

You turn around, met with the sight of the Chancellor’s guards standing in the midst of a snowstorm, waiting for you. Nearly stumbling while descending the ramp’s tilt, the guards grab you and begin searching you immediately, while one of them relays a message to Soonyoung that you can’t seem to hear.

Your neck twists, eyes looking up and meeting Soonyoung’s from where he stands at the top of the ramp. Something in your chest is screaming and it’s deafening.

With guards’ hands patting you down, Soonyoung smiles and his eyes do too. And you are immediately infected, mirroring his expression instinctively, aware of how little you deserve him. In the chilling temperatures of this weather, your blood is warm. Soonyoung presses the button.

When the ramp seals shut, you are left knowing that Soonyoung will be there and he is left wondering if you will ever come.

#caratwritersclub #svtsource #seventeen imagines #hoshi imagines #soonyoung imagines #seventeen scenarios #hoshi scenarios #soonyoung scenarios #seventeen x reader #hoshi x reader #soonyoung x reader #seventeen angst #hoshi angst #soonyoung angst

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shoyokuto · 3 years

Text

-work for it

pairing: bokuto kotaro x reader

summary: while stumbling around at a college party you have no desire of being at, all you want is a white claw. in an attempt to find one, you run into a guy who happened to steal the last one. after leaving the kitchen, you had no clue you were going to have a much closer interaction with the same guy later that night.

wc: 4.1k

warnings: some fluff, some smut/implied smut, drinking/mentions of drugs, drunk bokuto and kuroo, high kenma and suna, bokuto being bokuto

author’s note: what’s a better first fic than a hot bokuto college au one? wellll here’s my first fic!! i had lots of fun writing it. it’s definitely not perfect, so please leave any constructive criticism/advice in my asks!! i would really appreciate it. also, picture campbell however you’d like, she’s my beautiful irl bsf who is obsessed with suna, so i just had to make her his gf in this. i will most likely be making a part 2 to this + other fics very soon! thank you so much, and i hope you enjoy<3

...

Goosebumps by Travis Scott blares through the speakers that line the hallways of the huge house made small by the hundreds of college students that filled it. The red and purple combination of the lights that ran across the corners of the walls of every room washed over you, making it difficult to focus on one thing, let alone find the person you’ve been searching for in the mess for an hour.

You’re only a few shots and one half cup of beer in and you’re already dizzy. The way you stumble through the crowds of people, pushing away the feelings of embarrassment and solemnity, looking lost as a puppy. Trying to find somebody- anybody. Your brain is fixated on finding a person- you don’t know who, or why this sudden jolt of the longing for someone suddenly sparked within you- you hadn’t seen your best friend Campbell since she got trailed off in a game of cup pong earlier with Suna. You hadn’t seen Kuroo or Kenma either. The only three people you knew at this party are somewhere in this damn house, having the time of her lives, while you’re wandering around, being the light weight you are. The sound of the music is muffled and the bass shakes the floor with every step you take, each footstep you take lands to the beat of the song playing. You step on the shoes of couples making out right in the middle of everything and have no feeling of remorse. The splash of someone’s drink hits your shoulder covered by your light sweater, which causes you to whip your head to the side and look the person up and down, vision blurred and streaked.

You stumble into what you think- think- is a kitchen. The purple lights no longer flooded the atmosphere; your weary eyes trying to adjust to the change in lighting and space. Your eyes trace the shiny marble counters that ran along the back of the tiled wall until they met the silver- probably super expensive- fridge. You guide yourself by putting one hand on the island in the middle of the kitchen, the other hand at your side until you meet the fridge door. You sluggishly raise it and grab the handle, slowly pulling it open. The light of the fridge almost blinds your intoxicated eyes, as you squint and blink and blink and blink.

As your eyes fix, they dart in different directions looking for the White Claw you’ve been longing for. All. Night.

Your desires are interrupted by the sound of liquid pouring into a cup behind you. The sound turns your head around slowly, your eyes still squinted and shoulders hunched. Your hand still grasped the handle of the fridge.

“Are you okay?” a voice sounds from the island of the kitchen behind you. It took a second for you to realize you had turned the wrong direction of the pouring noise you heard. You quickly turn the other way, finally meeting the gaze of a taller guy with spiked hair, dipped in grey highlights over black roots, accompanied by a pair of amber, owl-like eyes.

“Uh, yeah, I was um,” you swallow and scratch the back of your neck, “lookin’ for a White Claw.”

The guy raises his grey, thick eyebrows and makes a “tsk” noise with his tongue and taking a sarcastic, deep breath in. “That is really unfortunate because I actually just took the last one.”

He says, leaning against the island with one arm, as the other one is occupied with your White Claw in a red solo cup.

“You’re fuckin…damnit. Damnit Kenma,” You respond, turning back around to face the fridge. “and Kuroo and Cam.” You mumble shortly after.

“You know Kenma?” the guy asks, lifting his arm up from the island and straightening up.

“Yeah. Why do you?” You don’t turn around to answer, instead you grab a water from the freezer. You close the fridge and attempt to open the water bottle, but fail a couple times as your hand slips over the cap and your fingers start to hurt. You hope the guy doesn’t notice.

“Dude. He’s Kenma. Have you seen his fuckin keg stands?” he replies, walking towards you.

You hold the water bottle in both of your hands, staring straight into the doors of the fridge. You aren’t sure what’s happening completely, but you know you feel the footsteps of the guy approaching you. “I’ve seen them more than enough. He’s my friend’s roommate.”

“You mean Kuroo? You are one lucky duck there, aren’t ya? Your friend’s a stud.” The guy says. You think his footsteps have stopped; you can’t tell if you're just feeling your heart beat in your legs from the nerves or if it’s the steps of the guy’s feet towards you. “At least you seem to be enjoying yourself.” He says sarcastically. You shrug, absentmindedly starting to attempt to open the water bottle again.

“Want me to get that for ya?” the guy asks. And he might as well not have even asked, because he immediately takes the water bottle out of your hands and opens it as easily as he started the conversation. “Damn. How much have you drank, scrawny?”

“Did you just…I’m too fucked for this.” You said waving your hand in the air and starting to walk off.

You get to the entrance of the kitchen before the same voice you heard a few seconds ago- that called you scrawny- sounds again. “You forgot your water.”

You look down at your hands, and in embarrassment turn around and fidget with them as you walk back to the guy, who is now leaning back on the marble countertop. He had your last-resort water bottle in one hand, and your wanted White Claw in the other.

You grab the water bottle from the guys hand, not breaking eye contact with him. You did have to admit, the guy’s eyes were pretty mesmerizing. Maybe it’s just the shots talking, though.

“I’m sure I’ll see you around. What’s the name?” he asks, as soon as you had turned around to head for the exit a second time.

You hesitate as you turns back around again. “y/n.”

“Alright, y/n. I’ll make sure to keep an eye out for more White Claw. Except I don’t think you need any.” He says smirking, proceeding to take a sip out of his solo cup just to spite you.

You squint again, trying to process his words. “Yeah…” you respond in a confused tone, dragging out the word. You slowly turn around, still feeling the heat of the guy’s eyes burn through your back.

And now you’re back in the purple, hazy, crowded room you came from a few minutes ago. However, the trip to the kitchen for a delicious White Claw felt like hours, and you came back with an ice water that you couldn’t even open yourself. In fact, a hot stranger opened it. Your mind races as you slowly approach the cluster of people once again- an atmosphere you did not miss when in the kitchen.

If only you had a fucking White Claw.

You stand surrounded by frantic jumpers and dancers, the light of your phone shining onto your face. The line of text messages you sent to Kuroo and Campbell reflect onto your glossy eyes as you scroll up and down on the messages absentmindedly, waiting for a response like: “where are you?” or “let’s head back”. But still nothing. No vibration, no call, no nothing.

Your heart pounds, no longer in sync with the beat of the music, but speeding up as you hear the increasing volume of shouts and screams of encouragement from one of the rooms around you. Except you can’t tell where the noise is coming from, as the screams mold together and create a halo, surrounding your head. You squeeze your eyes shut as you pinch the bridge of your nose, until you realize you’re being run through by a crowd of eager partiers rushing past you. You feel the grazes of people's arms against yours, causing you to turn around, facing the direction of the room the people are so excited to get to.

Again, like your brain still hasn’t told you to give up, you whip your head around for Kuroo, or somebody, eyes widening despite the bags under them and your throbbing headache.

After a failure of search, you decide to head the way everyone else is, following whoever the random boy was in front of you. He had dark brown hair that was slightly combed down and raised in the back which absorbed the fluorescent lights that shone from the ceilings. He wore grey Nike sweatpants, if you were seeing correctly, some dirty air force ones, and maybe a…brown crewneck? Familiar looking, but you couldn’t tell under the obnoxious lights.

The mass of people in front of you come to a stop slowly, lining up in the shape of a circle on the inside of the group; too far for you to see in the conditions you were in.

You’re too caught up in your racing thoughts that you bump into the guy you were examining in front of you.

“Watch it.” He says as he whips his head around to meet yours. His hair was parted down the middle, definitely brown now that you could kind of see. He had snake-like eyes, the whites of them a little bloodshot, followed by a dark shade under them.

Wait.

It’s Suna. Your best friend’s boyfriend. You’re too drunk to recognize him?

“Hold on…Suna? Where’s…where’s Cam?” you ask, scratching your forehead.

“Oh, y/n. She’s up there.” He says, pointing his finger towards the inside of the large group of people.

“S-sorry,” you mutter, putting your hands behind your back. Your tired eyes look over and behind Suna, as you push yourself up and down on your tippy toes in an attempt to see over him.

“Do you know what’s happening right now?” you asked, finally giving up and resting the heels of your feet down.

Suna looks over to where he was pointing, his lips parted and his posture slouched over. “Keg stand.”

Your eyes widen as you put two and two together.

Kenma. Kuroo. Keg stand.

You take a heavy step towards the unknown mess in front of you, sliding past Suna. You didn’t realize how many layers of people you were going to have to push through in order to reach the inside of the crown, your heart speeding up along with your mind as the anxiety of not knowing what was on the inside of this circle fills your tight chest.

Is Kenma going to be doing the stand this time, or Kuroo?

You try to remember which one of them was holding the other up last time. Your mind flashes back to last weekend’s party; one that wasn’t near as crowded as this one. You try to retrace the sight of one of them holding the legs of the other, an extra cheering on whoever was downing the alcohol from the straw that extended form the keg as people shout one of their names. Which one was it? Did it sound like: “Ken-ma! Ken-ma! Ken-ma!” followed by a hooray and bursts of shouts, or was it “Kur-oo! Kur-oo! Kur-oo!” followed by the same type of celebration as Kenma’s. And for what? Just doing a handstand on a bucket while drinking? Sounds miserable to me, you thought.

You finally push through to the front and stumble when you accidentally step a little too far, as you end up in front of the people that lined the circle around the lives of the party. Kenma, Kuroo, and-

Wait.

Neither Kenma nor Kuroo are the center of attention this time.

It’s that hot guy from the kitchen.

The cheers start to finally enter your muffled ears which cause you to cover them, still looking in shock at the kitchen guy. His legs are straight up in the air, slightly bent and wobbly, but he somehow managed to keep them there. And even more amazingly, Kuroo, Kenma, and Campbell were just standing there. The kitchen guy didn’t even need to be held up.

What the hell, you thought, rubbing your eyes.

Finally, after hours of being left in the dust by him, Kenma’s eyes finally meet yours.

He’s high again. I wonder how much he smoked tonight.

“y/n!” Kenma yells, pulling on Kuroo’s red, long sleeved shirt while also tapping on Campbell’s shoulder. “Get your ass over here.”

You look around and hesitantly take heavy steps even farther into the center of the circle, the light fading into a reddish-purple as you got closer to them- and the kitchen guy, who was still going on the keg stand.

“Can you believe this guy?” Kenma says, laughing and pointing at the kitchen guy.

“I met him earlier.” You responded hoarsely.

“Yeah, Kuroo’s taken a strong liking to him. They’re like besties already.” he snorts, rolling his eyes sarcastically and shoving his hands into his pockets of his jacket.

With that, the guy props himself down from the keg stand and stands up straight, wiping his arm against his mouth and raising his fists into the air. Like he was some God, everyone in the crowd cheers and throws their hands up, yelling: “Bo-ku-to! Bo-ku-to! Bo-ku-to!”

Bokuto.

Kenma pats Bokuto on the back and Kuroo gives him a noogie. Bokuto pushes his face away and laughs, as he runs his hand through his spiked up hair. Campbell gives him a high five, and Suna finally makes his way over to her, giving her a kiss on the cheek and wrapping his arm around her waist.

You don’t realize you’ve been staring until Bokuto meets your gaze; his eyes widen.

“y/n!” Bokuto says, throwing his arms up. “Did ya see me? I mean, look how entertained a bunch of drunk college students can get. I’m uh-maze-ing.”

“Y-yeah.” You say, your mouth parted open. “How did you even-“

“I have something for you!” Bokuto interrupts, walking over behind the keg stand and bending over to grab something. He turns back round towards you, hiding something behind his back. He stumbles a bit with an attempted smile on his face.

“Huh?” you let out, eyebrows raised in confusion.

“Ta-da!” Bokuto says, revealing a White Claw out from behind his back, water dripping off of it. “Found some upstairs.”

We’re not upstairs already? You ask yourself.

The drink starts to make its way to your empty hand, when suddenly Kuroo interrupts, jumping in between you two.

“What the fuck? You found a Claw?” he asks, slapping Bokuto on the back in a friendly manner.

“Yeah. It was pretty fuckin’ easy, too. Bunch of light weights.” Bokuto responds, proceeding to hand you the drink.

Kuroo interrupts again by resting his hand on the White Claw and pushing it back towards Bokuto’s chest. “Hold on hold on hold on. You’re gonna give it to her that easily?” he says, laughing.

Bokuto looks at Kuroo, to you, then back to Kuroo. “Huh?” he says, his upper lip lifting along with his eyebrow.

“I meeaaannn,” Kuroo rests both of his hands on one of yours and Bokuto’s shoulders, “she has to work for it. White Claws don’t come that easily.”

Kenma, Campbell, and Kuroo are all staring at the three of you, and you soon come to realize the whole fucking party was staring at you guys, too.

You look at Bokuto with a very confused expression spread across your face, however, Bokuto’s seemed interested.

Kuroo gets on top of one of the tables near him, almost falling over as he pushed himself up. He cups his hand in a microphone manner so he could project his voice throughout the house for the crowd. “Who here had to go through war to get a fuckin White Claw tonight?” he yelled.

The crowd of people screams back at him, causing his eyebrows to raise and his head to nod. “Right, right. So,” he looks down at you from the table, and his finger is pointed at you while his other hand remained as a sound booster, “who here thinks y/n needs to work for the last one?” he proceeds to yell, throwing his hands up.

The crowd screams again, and you can feel sweat trickle down the back of your neck.

“Want me to do pushups or something?” Bokuto says, smirking.

“No. I want you guys…” Kuroo looks over at you, a smirk forming at his lips. “come here, Bo.” He says as he motions Bokuto over.

Bokuto walks over to Kuroo hesitantly, still holding the White Claw in his hand. “What the hell are you scheming right now?”

“Dude. Make out with her. You can’t just give her that precious thing.” He said in a loud whisper. “And you probably haven’t had action in weeks.”

“Seriously? Girls fuckin love me.” Bokuto replies, raising his eyebrows.

You can see Bokuto’s eyes widen as you watch them have the conversation, making your mind go in circles trying to find out what he could possibly be so surprised about. As your thoughts are racing, you see them both look at you, Bokuto crossing his arms. He starts to slowly walk over to you, the White Claw still in hand.

“Oh shit,” Kenma says, eyeing Kuroo who stayed in the place he and Bokuto were talking,his arms crossed and a smug look on his face. Looking at Suna and Campbell, Kenma says, “I know that look.” With that, Campbell and Suna giggle as they watch Bokuto flirtishly walk over to you.

Your heart pounded out of your chest; what was about to happen? Why were your friends laughing? You couldn’t think straight as Bokuto’s eyes fixated on yours as he walked towards you. There seemed to be a certain glare in his eyes, the yellows and ambers burning with lust as he stared straight into yours. You look over to Campbell and see her hands over her mouth as she stands next to Suna whose eyes are wide as well.

Interrupting your thoughts, you realize Bokuto had finally made it across the room to you. He stops only a couple inches in front of you, his hungry eyes looking down at yours. The White Claw in his hand was close to your chest, and you could feel the warmth of Bokuto’s body on yours.

“You want this drink, don’t you?” he asked, staring at your lips.

“Uh…yeah, I do.” You reply, looking back and forth between his lips and his eyes.

“Gotta work for it, pretty girl.”

Suddenly everything around you blurs: the shouts, the people, the purple lights, the music. All you could focus on was Bokuto’s presence and his need to want to be as close as he could to you. You two had just met, and he’s already like a magnet.

His hand slowly raises to cup your cheek, and his face moves towards yours. His eyes do not leave your lips.

Your heart races as you watch him get closer and closer, his body inching towards yours.

He stops slowly, his lips just inches away from yours, parted. You could feel the heat of his breath, and it made you fill with excitement.

“You alright with this?” he whispers.

“Yeah.” You reply, putting your hands on his shoulders.

He smirks at the reply and finally leans in.

Your eyes close on instinct as you feel Bokuto’s lips meet yours. He starts slow, his thumb rubbing against your cheek. However, he picked the pace up as hid hand moved from your cheek to your neck. Your hands still rested on his shoulders, and the slip of Bokuto’s tongue made you squeeze them. This only provoked him more.

He pulled back for a moment, looking into your eyes. This time, they were even more list filled. “Can I keep going?” he asked softly.

You nodded in response, closing your eyes again as he met your lips again. He looked into your eyes still and smiled, his finger pushing a loose piece of hair back behind your ear. His eyes soon returned to your lips as he leaned in for a second time. He pressed his tongue against your lips and you granted him access to your mouth once again. This time the kiss was slower and deeper. Your heart was spinning along with your mind, with every stroke of his tongue you could feel the pool of heat and the knot in your stomach build up.

His long kiss was rough but passionate, every now and then pulling back and biting your lower lip. You let him take control, and his touch was the best feeling you’ve felt in ages. His hands slowly move down from your neck to your waist, his fingers sliding over every curve of your body. This softness of his fingers as they slid down made you shiver, but you were still distracted by the passionate make out the hot guy you met in the kitchen was granting to you. You could feel him smile through the kiss as he pulled back and went back at you over and over.

The shouts and music suddenly get louder and less muffled as Bokuto slowly pulls back. Before he goes all the way back, he cups your face again and plants a kiss on the corner of your mouth.

Campbell, Suna, and Kenma are all leaning against each other, bouncing up and down and pointing at you and Bokuto. However, your attention remained on him.

The kiss was so amazing you almost forgot a whole room of people were watching, and that you were only doing it for a White Claw.

You smiled softly as you looked into Bokuto’s eyes, then to the White Claw.

Bokuto raises his empty hand once again to hold your chin with his pointer finger and thumb, lifting your chin up. The heated eye contact remained as your head tilted back.

“Open up.” He said, lifting the White Claw up to your mouth.

You followed his command and opened your mouth. You closed your eyes as you felt the cool liquid hit your tongue: the taste you’ve been craving all night.

However, the only thing you are still craving even more is Bokuto’s touch.

He tilted the drink back down and gently pulled your chin down to meet his gaze once again. Following this, he gently presses his lips to yours for a few seconds. “Mmmm,” he said, licking his lips and rubbing his finger in circles around his temple, “mango!” he followed, pointing his finger into the air. You giggled at this and nodded your head.

Campbell runs over to you and puts her hand on your shoulders, jerking you back and forth and screaming in your face. “That did not just happen.”

“I honestly can’t believe it did.” You replied, rubbing your eyes. You looked over at Bokuto who was standing next to Kuroo in the middle of a fist bump. Kuroo catches you staring and walks over to you.

“You’re welcome.” He said smiling.

“Thanks, K.” you replied patting him on the shoulder.

You walked back over to Bokuto who still had the half empty White Claw in his hand.

“I think I deserve the rest.” You said scratching your head.

“Um, I practically just carried that whole kiss. I think I deserve at least half.” He said while raising his eyebrows and placing one hand on his hip.

“Wow.” you replied laughing. “Who said?”

“I said.” His expression turned more serious. “Maybe you can work for the rest later.”

This caused you to clench your fists and tug at the neck of your sweater. You could feel sweat run down your forehead and your cheeks flush red.

“Cute.” He said with a smile and a laugh, proceeding to take a sip of your White Claw.

“Excuse me.” You said, reaching up for the White Claw in his hand as he raised it as high as you could so you couldn’t reach. Your hand grasped the wrist of the Hand the drink was in and you were up against his chest, both of you laughing the little sobriety you had off of you.

The teasing was halted by the sound of sirens from outside of the house.

Shit. Cops.

“Oh shit,” you heard Bokuto say as he brought the White Claw down. With no warning, he took your hand and started off with you, pushing through the crowd of worried, drunk teenagers. You frantically looked around for Campbell, Kenma, or Kuroo, but had no sight of any of them through the rush of people. “Don’t worry y/n, I can take us somewhere.” He said looking back at you.You looked at him and your mind wandered.

Bokuto seemed like a natural at everything- keg stands, making out, getting away from the cops.

How are you so into him already?

#haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #bokuto #bokuto x reader #bokutokotaro #haikyuu x reader #college au

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migeviellardi · 3 years

Text

Out Of Comfort

Genre : Adventure, Action, Humour, Hurt/Comfort

Summary : 2 years after the 'you-know-who’, Donnie struggles to adjust with the new way of life. The precarious science blocks are back haunting him, putting him in total stress while he tried his best to keep up with the new team play and co’ord.

Chapter 2 A New Start

Welding felt relaxing, the sound of tiny sparks are like a music to Donnie’s ears. It might not be a real music, but it’s melodious nonetheless. Donnie lifted up his googles, leans back to catch a break. He almost done fixing the hover shell, not the one from yesterday, the one that he kept fixing and fixing away, despite there’s nothing wrong with it.

The one he used last night was a prototype of a new model. It still looks the same as the old ones, but he did made a few upgrades on them. It was definitely frustrating when it got busted. He’s planning to use it more since it felt lighter than the old one. But, now he needs a new shell to wear on a patrol.

He looks at the battleshell charging station. What left there was his worn down Spider-shell. Below it was none other than his wrecked and broken shells that he hadn’t repair, yet. He let out a sad sigh, he looked around him to find that his lab are somewhat cleaner, much cleaner than he remembered. Usually the lab was littered with piles upon piles of inventions, blueprints, scattered metal parts, and energy drinks.

Now, it seems as if it was untouched. The sleek metallic purple walls with LEDs are still looks fresh and new. The floor was free from dust due to the roombas roam freely without bumping into any tech pieces. And the workbench,....empty. Only his old battleshell that he kept tinkering that are currently there. Also, a cup of coffee.

Donnie about to take a sip when he realized it was ran out. He inspect the glass and saw small coffee drips down the mug got frozen in place due to a long time exposed to the AC. How long have he been there without refilling his coffee? Does he been getting the science block again?

Putting down the mug, he rubbed his tired eyes in frustration. Was he being unproductive on purpose? What is he doing here? Why can’t he finish anything?

“Hey.” the voice made him jumped, he looked back to see Leo stood on the doorway. “Whoa, it’s okay. Just a little old me.” Leo held his hands out. Donnie frowned, he turned back to his hover shell.

“What do you want, Leo?”

“It’s training time, Don. Better not coop yourself up in the lab, or I’ll let Raph drag your shell to the Dojo.” Leo ordered as he left towards the Dojo. Donnie sighed heavily, he stood up and followed him. He admit, there’s nothing else he would do, science blocks are the worst and it became a daily routine ever since their Lair was smushed to smithereens. And, the fact that he hate to obey the words Leo told him to.

He wasn’t questioning his leadership skills. If Donnie allowed himself to be honest, the Slider actually knows what he’s doing, good at it in fact. Raph at first had a hard time to adjust, now the former leader putting his trust to Leo, even Mikey approved. Donnie, however, still adapting.

It wasn’t because that he hate to admit it, it just doesn’t sits right putting the leader role to the one who usually pulled some poor one-liners out of spite and keeps bugging your work with some pranks, jokes and poking on things that could cause explosions like it was some kind of a job, because if it is, he good some pretty good records he might get himself some promotions.

And now, the true color of the team seems to emerge. We got the Leader, The Muscle, The Heart and The Brain. Although, The Brain more likely The Brain-Dead one. Stupid science block keeping him from thinking straight, not much idea that pops out other than upgrading, or upgrading the upgrade, or upgrading the upgraded upgrade.

It might be some improvement for anyone, but for the one with the giant science head-cannon looming inside his head, that’s barely even an add-on. He’s unproductivity hurts him, as if the genius inside suddenly just wanted to stop, no more mad scientist mambo-jumbo. He felt it once again, the feeling that he had gone rotten, expired, outdated.....useless.

Seriously, what will he be for the team without his big brain? What can he do other than getting kicked in the booty several times that let your little brother saves your sorry butt?

If once again, he got knocked down and having Mikey, of all people saves him, he’s going to lose his mind.

###

“Alright, my sons. Now, let us begin to--Purple, where’s your battleshell?” they stared at Donnie in his bare-shell. He rolled his eyes, dejected.

“I’ll be fine, Dad. I’m not going to hurt myself.”

“Nono, my son. I believe you, it’s just....weird seeing you without one.” Splinter simply said, trying not to offend his purple son.

“Well, it’s in repair, and my shoulders are getting tired. So....” Donnie didn’t have to finish his sentence to earned a nod from his father.

“Verywell, then. Let us start,....now!” as on cue, the whole Dojo became dark. The brothers immediately forming back to back formation, weapons at their hands, full caution. “Hamatos carries essence of life, the Ninpo. Or what most common people called them, mystics.”

Raph sense a movement to his right, Splinter came in with a kick. Mikey saw the offense, he blocked the kick, swung his nunchaku to Splinters head. The rat dodged it with ease. Upon landing, Raph coming in clutch with his fist. Splinter jumps back into the darkness. “Some may think that it is the most essential in fighting.”

The turtles back to their formation, listening to every sound to pinpoint the next attack. “Others, prefer something else.” a tail emerge from the darkness. Donnie shielded himself with his bo, the tail wrapped around the wooden weapon. Donnie expected the attempt of pulling, he pulled harder, forcing Splinter to show up. Leo anticipated Donnie’s strategy, he swung his sword at the same time Donnie ducked.

Splinter didn’t expect the timing between the two, but he flawlessly avoided himself from being cut in half. Splinter pulled out a smoke bomb and threw it onto the ground. The smoke caused them to cough, which means distractions. They have no choice but to bail on their formation.

“There will be a time where mystic powers will do no good.” Leo sense presence near him. He ducked down to escape another kick. “So, you must focus on your own ability.” He tail swipe Leo’s katanas, leaving him unarmed.

“Agility.” Splinter increases his speed, offering punches and kicks towards the turtle. Leo dodged every attack, seamlessly evading and parrying every blow. He counter-attacked Splinter’s punch, delivering a fist to his face. Splinter caught his hand and kicked Leo away, disappearing into the dark.

“Strength.” Raph blocked a powerful kick out of Splinter, pushed him back a meter. Another tail swipe, Raph let it wrapped on his hand and threw his dad away.

“Speed.” Splinter took a punch from what seems to be Mikey’s fist. Splinter blocked his next punch, only met with a swipe kick a second after. Mikey swung his nunchakus with unimaginable speed. Splinter steps up his game to blocked a series of attacks that his youngest son often called it ‘Razzmatazz’. He manage to grabbed both nunchakus and threw orange from the fight.

“And, Instinct.” Donnie dodged a powerful kick launches towards him. He swings his bo just in time to meet Splinter’s punch. Once again, he disappeared. Donnie waited, trying to hear the footsteps. Behind you! He turns to blocked another powerful kick, this time it was too much to hold, it sent Donnie flying to a nearby wall. He winced and panted, adjusting his weight to his bo.

The lights turned on, Splinter ran towards him. “I’m fine!” his voice sounded a bit too loud. Splinter flinched, he’s unsure if the pain was bearable, but he knows well how stubborn his purple son can be. He decided to let it go, “You did better, my son. If you did not block that last kick, you might get yourself hurt even more.” He thought that he should apologize, but he didn’t think purple would appreciate that.

“Alright, take a break all of you.” he put both of his hands on his back, cracking it forward. “Ugh, while I tend to my bad back, you may have some spar with each other.” he walked away while rubbing his back.

“Hey, Raphie. Wanna spar with me?” Mikey asked excitedly. Raph smiled, accepting the challenge.

“Sure thing, Mikey.” Raph readied up. Mikey activates his mystic chains and whips the nunchaku to Raph, wrapping his whole body. Raph blinks before he was pulled away.

“AAAAHHH!!!” a lod crash was heard. Leo smirks at the scene. Donnie gathers back his bearings and prepared for the sparring.

“Leo?” the slider slowly turns with his smug face. Donnie’s on his pose, “Care to join?” giving him the serious look. Leo kept his usual expression as he readied himself. Donnie strikes first, jabbing his bo to his head, Leo tilted his head to dodge. Donnie swings, Leo parried them with his katanas. He gave more barraging swings, Leo’s agility gives him the advantage. He dodged, parried him with literal ease.

Leo still using the same face. “What’s wrong, Dee-man? Can’t catch little Leo?” Donnie frowned. He swung, Leo blocked and kicked him in the gut. Donnie yelped, Leo sent another kick to the face. Donnie fell to the floor, shaking his head from the mild headache. Leo knelled down, “Aww, had enough already?”

Donnie growled. He swung to his leg, Leo had expected that. He got up and sent more swing barrage, this time a lot faster and more frantic. Leo parried a lot more on this one, but didn’t change the expression on his face. Donnie downward, Leo blocked it. Eyes meeting eyes. “Come on, Don. Is that all? I can definitely fight you blind-folded.”

Donnie’s patience grew thin. He didn’t have to tell him that. He knows he can, and he might will one day.

Donnie pushed him back, now anger are definitely involved. Leo step up his game some more every time Donnie pulled off some new combos and new speed and variety. Donnie looked at him in the face.

Shut up.

He was parried by another sword.

Shut Up!

He can’t beat him.

Shut Up!!!

He’ll never catch up to them.

Shut UP!!!!

He’s not good enough.

“SHUT UP!!!!!”

Leo flinched. Donnie panting hard, hands gripping tightly to his bo. Eyes fixated at Leo, as if he’s ready to kill. Raph and Mikey stunned by Donnie’s shouting.

Donnie growled for real, this time. The deep reptilian growl filled his throat with his fang showing up menacingly. Donnie engaging his predator side, Leo held out his hand.

“Okay, calm down, Dee. There’s no need to continue this with violence. Okay?”

“GRRRR!!!” Donnie attacks Leo with full intention. Leo no longer wanting to fight, he dodged every move Donnie makes. It was fast and chaotic, more like trying to hurt rather than spar.

“Donnie, STOP!!!”

“GRAAAHH!!!”

Raph blocks Donnie’s bo. “Donnie, knock it off!!!”

“Please calm down!” Mikey plead. Donnie ignored them all, he charged at Raph with blind rage. Raph dodged the jab, throw his fist at Donnie. He didn’t dodge, letting it hit his face. Donnie growled deeply, eyes as sharp as needle. Raph was stunned, he didn’t expect Donnie to accept the hit. He felt guilty for hurting his little brother.

Splinter ran back after being called by Mikey. “Purple!!”

Donnie saw an opening on Raph, he charge in while Raph refused to move. Leo tackled Donnie and pinned him to the ground. He refused to back down and squirmed his way to freedom as Leo gripped his limbs for dear life.

“Donatello!!!”

Leo, Raph and Donnie startled by his father’s voice.

“Enough!” Leo froze for a little while, he let go of Donnie once he felt no resistance. Donnie layed down, panting. He suddenly really exhausted. All that anger took too much energy out of him. He slowly hoist himself up to a sitting position. Splinter approached his purple son. Carefully assessing the damage around the turtle. There’s a bruise on his right cheek, might be caused by his oldest son as when he meets his eyes, he can see the guilt he’s facing.

“Purple? What is up with you?” Donnie refused to talk or making eye contact to his father. Splinter can still feel anger looming around him. Did one of the brothers ticked him off? What provokes him?

“Donatello!”

“I DON’T KNOW, OKAY!!!!” he yelled. Splinter jerked up by the sudden loud voice that felt louder to his rat ears. Donnie noticed that he went too much. “I...I just--” Donnie can’t hold back the tears that began to form in his eyes. He looked down to obscure it.

Splinter was surprised seeing his son cried. The brothers reacts the same way. Devastated seeing their usual emotionless turtle broke into tears.

Splinter held out his hand, “My son,-” Donnie swatted away his hand and ran straight to his lab. Not even the call of his name from his family can get his attention. He closed the iron-forced door of his lab, locking it immediately. Donnie sat under his desk, hugging his legs to his chest as he burst to tears. The lab was eerily quiet, the only sounds that are presence are his and the sound of his family trying to reach for him from the other side of the door.

He felt vulnerable having to broke down like this, he hates it. The way the others desperately trying to get him to open the door made it worse. He wasn’t supposed to show his weakness at the time, he’s a Hamato, a descendant of heart o’ steel. And steel has a lot influence with tech, his thing. He supposed to be able to control his feelings.

Now, his meltdown would definitely stuck in the topic for a while in this whole family situation. He knows he’s having trouble, yes he does. And he knows he needs to keep up with the others. He knows, he’s the smart one.

He tried his best, to keep up, to adjust, to be stronger, for everyone’s sake. But he can’t let his family help him with that, they all helped enough. He can’t let them once again drag their butts to fix his problems for him, no. Fixing is his thing, and he can fix his own problem by himself. Just uh, not now. He needs more time, to figure things out. His family just need to be patience, they can handle the waiting game. They’ve done this before, just like waiting for the drill out of its beta version.

He also, needs to be patience. Everything’s going to be alright, he’ll figure it out. He have to. For everyone’s sake.

###

The rest of the day passes by, quietly. Donnie had refuse to talk or eat, he sent Shelldon to grab some drinkable sustenance for him. He can handle being hungry, but thirst must be dealt with. As he recalled some research he found out that living beings can survive hunger for at least a week as long as they have enough supplies of water. Although, he can’t say the same about coffee, but not like it’s bothering him.

He waited for Shelldon to come back with a drink, his lab door still close but no longer locked. Once in a while his brothers visited him as he succumb to his depressions in his favorite purple hoodie, concealing his swollen eyes as a result from the earlier’s mental breakdown.

They talked, though they tried not to bring up of what happened in the Dojo. Leo, most of all, had a hard time keeping it cool. The red-eared slider guiltily apologized for making fun of him in training. Donnie might not talk about it, but he willing to forgive him. It wasn’t Leo’s fault that he had problems, he needs to stop playing the Blame Game.

“We love you, Don. And nobody can change that.” Leo said.

“I know.” Donnie simply replied.

His thought was broken by the sound of whirring from the purple drone who he manage to salvage, thankful that Shredder didn’t think twice and explode his core memory.

“Yo, Dee. I got the coffee for you.” the drone informed enthusiastically.

“Thanks, Shelldon.” he quietly accepted the coffee and took the first sip before once again continuing his currently favorite activity, staring an empty desk. Shelldon’s cheery attitude turned into worry as he watched his creator’s constant solitude. Slumping his upper body further back into his gaming chair, holding the coffee mug in both hands.

“Dude. You okay?” he asked for what seems like the tenth times by now. The response stayed the same.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Shelldon wasn’t happy with the answer, but he shrugged it off. He took out his lanky robot arm and grabbed something that sitting on top of him.

“Mikey told me to give you this.” he held out a box of pizza at him. “You should at least eat something, Donnie.” he plead. Donnie stared at the pizza then at Shelldon. The look of worry annoyed him. Great, even a robot is worried about him. But he knows better that Shelldon is not just a robot. He’s a family, part of the Hamato, the drone has feelings and conscious of its own.

Donnie accepted the package, he took a slice and eat it. Shelldon--although not quite visible--beaming away that he had accepted the offer.

“Thank you, Shelldon.”

“You’re welcome, Dee!” Shelldon flew off to the other side of the lab, knowing that he’d done his job. Donnie chuckled quietly as he gone. It’s weird to think that the drone behaving like a kid, which was the intention of installing the emotion-settings in the first place. He can’t remember the last time he acted like one, those days of constant playing, troublemaking and have no care in the world. He said it before; it was messy but gosh, it was fun.

Then, he heard the lair suddenly began crowdy. He didn’t realized that the door was opened, did Shelldon forgot to close the door? How could an AI forget something? Donnie have no mood to stand up or command anything for now, so he let it be. He heard a distant sound of clip-clop from hooves in the lair. The only mutant he knows that is involving hooves is Baron Draxum. What is he doing here? And the sound of chit-chats heard along with it as well, especially some faint female voices and his dad.

They all having a chat out there. How long they’ve been in this states? Why haven’t anyone informed him about visitors? Then again, he’d been cooped up in this lab and desiring for some temporary isolations, of course they haven’t inform him.

Not wanting to bother with anything about it, he continued sipping his coffee and chomped down more pizza into his throat. Not much he can do for now, other than listening the distant inaudible voices. Not even bothering to look up to the sound of footsteps getting closer and closer to the lab.

“Hey, big guy. How’s it going?” April leans her body to the door frame, keeping it cool.

“’m fine.” he answered again, too often now that it sounds more like a chanting spell. April offered a sad smile as she bring herself to sit beside the purple genius.

“Wanna talk about it?” she asked softly. Donnie sipped his mug as a sign that he refused her demands. “I see. Well, we wanted to hang out together as family to the hidden City.” she told.

“Last time we did that we got thrown in jail.” he bluntly respond.

“Well, yes. But things are different now. Now that we stopped that ‘you-know-who’, they pretty much removed the bounties from our heads.” she added, definitely sounding more excited than before. Donnie still can’t trust the sudden change, although he does agree the treatment for doing so after that horrible incident, he didn’t expect anything from the Yokais but pay some respect for sparing them from the devilish evil claws they called Shredder.

“Still, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Remember that time where we trust that spider lady for taking care of ‘you-know-who’, and look what she did, total havoc, everywhere.”

“Well, at least she did help out with locating the....uuuh....”

“Empyrean.”

“Yeah, that. If it wasn’t for her, we might not be able to save the day and,... You know what I mean.” she reluctantly continued her sentence. Donnie can tell why, he also didn’t want to think of what happen if they can’t find where Shredder had kept their father hostage. Can’t probably sleep knowing if they were too late, Big Mama was indeed offer a huge help even though she’s only can help telling them the location.

Although, the point still stands, she wasn’t a type of person that can be easily trusted. Things happened because of her, and they suffered the most of it. Can’t believe he wished that he should’ve listen to Leo the first time, probably one of the reason why he can be such a good leader.

“Look, I know it’s hard to believe it that way. But I promise, I got some good hunch today. Everything will be fine. You can blame me if anything goes wrong in your way, okay?” And there it is, the classic humble April. The very things he envies the most out of her, dare enough to take the blame and always be there with positive attitude.

And, yes, April always had a strong hunch, it never failed them and they all knew that. If she thinks everything will be fine, then it will indeed.

“So, do you trust me?” she stood up with a big confident smile on her face. It somewhat contagious and made him smile as well.

“Of course, you’re the only human that I trust in this world, April.” he responded, with less tense or sad tone.

“What, you still don’t trust Casey?” as on cue, a loud non-feminine female voice shouting in the background, followed by what sounds like his brothers shouting back at her. Donnie grimaced at the behaviour of that girl. Ever since the former Foot-clan helped out with defeating Shredder, the group immediately warmed up to her. Except for Donnie.

He still respected her for saving his father, however he never had any connection with the girl. Her risk-loving-fight-adoring attitude giving his big bulky brother, Raphael a worthy friendly match. She didn’t even flinched by his loud thundering roar, if by chance she roared right back. And her chaotic energy is enough to keep up with Leo and Mikey.

Donnie didn’t share much with such connections, in which he easily-predicted, the girl hates science. Although, she does find his inventions as cool and awesome, she might thinking about exploding it in place though. Leo would be proud.

Also, she’s terrifying, not as much as April, but she gave him too many goosebumps for the past years.

“In theory, she might be the last person to be trusted when it involves ‘safety’. Please don’t tell her that!” he semi-whispering, not wanting her to charged in and wreck something explosive in his lab.

“Your secret safe with me.” she gestured a zipping motion across her mouth. Donnie chuckles, “Now, come on. Everyone’s waiting. You don’t have to take your hoodie off if you don’t want to.”

Donnie smiled at that, he stood up and let April grabbed his hand leading him to the group. “Thanks, April.”

“Anytime, Dee.” she grinned at him.

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