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#it’s telling how it’s always the people who regret it and ALSO want to stop it forever
majoringinsarcasm · 1 month
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Ok now under a read more but here’s major’s thoughts on bodies and shit
So I came across someone who is in the process of de–transitioning on Instagram, which made me wary at first because. You know. But it’s really refreshing to just see One Person instead of a static used against people. To hear one singular real person talk about their journey which people in the comments said was akin to a different kind of transition. And how media does not do them justice.
It takes a lot of courage to come out as trans. To figure out so much on your own and then be faced with such hatred and doubt and riddle. To find who you are in the fire and hope you come out alive on the other side.
It takes a lot of courage to say “I actually don’t like this change I’ve made” after however long of talking about it and being on hormones or even having regret with surgery. It’s framed as a reason to keep trans people locked down but that’s not fair. To be unhappy with your identity and to want to change despite how you might’ve felt before. To maybe have overshot where you wanted to be and needing to find a middle ground. To search for your identity in the rubble of what you thought you wanted and trying to find all the pieces.
Being trans is not evil. Detransitioning / transition remix is not evil. Whats evil is using people’s very vulnerable emotions and thoughtfulness of their OWN BODY as a weapon against a community while also MOTHER caring about “this important group that sheds light on the truth of transitioning” outside of using them as a platform to step on.
Had they not detransitioned they’d be back on the chopping block. If they weren’t vocal about their regret and were causal about it they’d be poster children for “getting un-needed surgery like it’s a game”
There are people who have detransitioned who are not kind to the trans community and that sucks. But there’s trans people who aren’t kind to other trans people either. It’s bad because those people are being used for a hateful agenda and people don’t actually care about their journey or lives outside of how it can be weaponized. And it must suck to want to talk about your regrets and changes and how you’re gonna move forward and your words always being used as a gotcha and not what it truly is which is your personal experience
Anyway it was really good for me to see. The media won’t show you allies when talking about those who detransitioned and we have to remember that it’s done like that on Purpose
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bonny-kookoo · 7 months
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Jungkook
𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞♡𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐬 🔞
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Who said every omega needs an alpha?
Tags/Warnings: Omega!Jungkook, Omega!Reader, Omega!Jimin, Mentioned Alpha!Yoongi, Stereotypes, Friends to lovers, Major Fluff, Romance, Slight angst, injury, brief hospital visit, smut, oral (f. Receiving), smut, Dom!Jungkook, protected sex, knotting, biting
Length: ~5k Words
There is no taglist for this fic.
A/N: Boo.
-> Masterlist
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Jeon Jungkook.
He's a good looking guy, above average in almost everything he does, and easy to like. Conversations flow easily around him and friendships blossom left and right- almost everyone knows and likes him. It's hard not to, really; as an Omega, he's naturally passionate and caring, a gentle guy that enjoys making others happy.
You met him at a friend's birthday party, the young wf having noticed you standing mostly all by yourself without really conversing with anyone. He'd been kind enough to introduce himself, stay with you, and keep you there for much longer than you usually stay at gatherings like these.
And right now, he's standing in front of you, smile still on his lips and hands tucked away in his jacket pockets while he sways front and back on his heels after having told you he's interested in you.
Romantically.
"There's a.. You said you collect those stuffed animals, squishmallows, right? There's a new store that sells the really huge ones. We could stop by that store tomorrow, if you'd like." he offers, curious eyes watching you with a glimmer that's just.. Jungkook.
Jungkook is new. Different. He's nothing you'd expect, always doing something you'd never be able to guess- and ut makes spending time with him hoth exciting and a little stressful at times.
His eyes always seem to sparkle when he smiles. It's honestly unfair, how they always put you under their spell with their boba-pearl charm. How can you say no?
How can anyone ever tell him no?
"I.. Okay wait. You.. And me?" you wonder, and he nods, smile turning into a grin that makes his lower eyelids raise. "But I'm not, uh… Are you sure?" you wonder, and he becomes surprised at that it seems.
"I am. I wouldn't have asked you out like this if I wasn't." he says, still swaying a little.
He's always been like this. Never staying still. Always up to something. Constantly moving. Like his body is constantly generating excess energy he can't seem to burn. Like the energizer bunny.
"what makes you think I'm joking?" he asks, and you look down, rather watching the tips of his shoes than his gaze any longer.
You can't stand his gaze. You're gonna melt into a puddle if you look at him any longer.
"I'm just.. Me. And you're you. Shouldn't you want someone more.. Opposite of you, rather than the same?" you ask carefully and it seems that it clicks for him in that moment.
It's technically common sense- alphas get with omegas, omegas with alphas. That's how it goes- or so one might think.
But Jungkook isn't any wolf. He's not ordinary in anything he does- so it's unsurprising that his sub-gender also isn't what one might expect.
"Ah~." he hums mostly to himself, before shaking his hair out of his eyes after the wind had blown it over his face, fingers pulling the strands from his piercings decorating his bottom lip. "Stereotypes. You're talking about me being an omega and all that, right?" he wonders, and you nod.
"Sorry." you instinctively say. The regret of your words already starting to make you uneasy. Did you insult him now?
Male omegas tend to be very sensitive when it comes to this. Or maybe that's Stereotypes too?
"No problem, lots of people think that way." he shakes it off, taking a step towards you. "But, rather than explaining to you what is and isn't true about the stuff people say-" he starts, feigning innocence before he grins at you, holding your hands in his now, playfully, just by the tips of your fingers. "-how about I show you?" he asks, and you look back at him.
"huh?" you can only answer, and he sways again, tilting his head to the side a little, swinging your hands a bit.
"Go out with me." he bluntly suggests, grinning brightly. "And I'll show you."
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Wolf's sub-genders have been the topic of Novels and movies for a long time now.
The most popular trope being the alpha that falls in love with their omega, to live happily ever after. Some of your own favourite media actually includes this stereotype as well- and for a long time, in your head and in many others, this was the most ideal couple amongst wolves.
However, reality is more complex than that, and you're roughly reminded of that with the way Jungkook behaves.
While he does offer a lot of the general traits associated with being an omega, such as his big round eyes and constant need for physical contact, he also doesn't fit others at all. He's muscly, masculine body dressed comfortably in clothes made of soft materials, and his behavior, while gentle and soft in the way he acts, feels oddly confident and almost dominant to you.
He's sure in his walk. He knows his worth.
There's a hand on your back leading you without any force through the store, like a remote control, no need for actual strength.
There's that glimmer in his eyes every time you struggle and ask him for help with something, as if he's amused by the fact that he makes you nervous.
There's that look of victory in his face whenever you seem flustered by any of his words, Luke it's a game he keeps winning.
He's making your head spin.
You're both sitting on a blanket in a calm park- when he lays down, patting the spot next to you in an inviting manner. "Come here." he smiles, and you do so- easily cuddling up to him, surprising yourself even, considering you're not one that's this easy with physical contact like that. But Jungkook? He runs the inside of his wrist over your neck, bashful smile on his lips as he watches you, caring nature of his sub-gender showing in his actions.
"What're you doing?" you wonder, and he grins sheepishly, caught red handed.
"Scenting you." he says. "I- we technically do it differently as wolves but, I don't wanna seem pushy." he admits, and you nod. You know how it usually goes.
You remember your last alpha doing it, licking your neck instead, or biting. It made you anxious. Every bite could've been made to last, after all.
"…Thank you." you tell him due to that, the way he makes sure he's never too forceful making you feel at ease- and slightly guilty. "And sorry." You apologize because of this.
"for what?" Jungkook wonders. "I had a nice day, even better than I could've imagined. I'm feeling really happy right now." the young man explains, and it makes you a little jealous how easy it seems for him to voice out his emotions.
You're not that good at it. Maybe he can teach you?
"For judging." you explain, but he just scrunches up his nose before softly flicking a finger under your chin, teasing you.
"Don't worry. It's normal." he shrugs, before rolling onto his back, your head on his tattooed arm as you watch the clouds as well next to him. "Do you think.. We could try?" he wonders, and after a moment of thinking, you nod.
You know what he means by that. And you want to try as well.
And he swears, if he had a tail, it would be wagging like an excited puppy.
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Your first kiss happens rather Spontaneously.
It's unprepared, a little clumsy, happening in the kitchen after you'd placed a small bandaid over the cut Jungkook had accidentally given himself while helping you cook. Seeing you tend to such a minor wound so carefully just set something off inside him- and he couldn't help himself.
And after the initial shock of it all, kisses seem to be a constant around Jungkook.
As soon as you meet up, there's a quick peck as a greeting, lips barely properly touching, but enough to make the gesture of affection count.
Small kisses on your cheek whenever he's close enough, just to see you turn red, shyness of you just too precious to look away from.
And most importantly? The way he scents you changed.
While pretty tame at first, the entire act of scenting you has become somewhat heated these days- just like now, as he runs his lips over the crook of your neck, back and forth, hands almost sensually running over your body, clothes suddenly feeling itchy.
He never crosses boundaries, never bites where you don't want to, never pushes himself past your limits just because it's easy to do. He's gentle, caring, offers you just what you need in the right amount, easing you into the waters that's his love.
And it makes you brave. It makes you want more.
Your own limbs seem to want him closer as well, your mind slowly becoming more and more trusting towards him, as he builds up the affection every time you spend time with one another.
It started just with cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. Then, the kisses got added to the mix- shy at first, his confidence with you slowly building up towards the point of where you are today; Heated, bodies warm and needy as his hand travels underneath your soft fleece shirt, fingertips carefully meeting the underline of your chest. "Still okay?" He asks, lowly so as if worried he might pop the little bubble you're both in and wake you up from the trance of emotions, but you simply nod, smiling, happy.
And as an omega, he feeds off of your emotions; he thrives in the fact that you're giving yourself into his arms so freely and comfortable, no worries in your scent whatsoever in his presence.
He shamelessly purrs at the way you kiss his collarbone, lips pressing over a tiny little beauty mark he has in that area, making him shiver in pleasure. You've not talked about going all the way yet- and right now, he's not trying to get into your pants at all. You're so attentive to him, offering such kind affection, that its enough for now. He can't deny however that your scent is driving him crazy- making him hungry for even more intimacy than he's receiving already.
He's needy. Craving.
"Can I eat you out?" He asks breathlessly so, and your eyes widen before your cheeks grow a bit red. "You don't have to say yes." He adds at the sight of your shyness, but you just shrug in response.
"I don't know what it feels like.." You start, before you look up at him, and he feels himself feeling upset. How come you've never experienced that? You're so sweet, you should've been able to explore your most carnal desires with someone you trust. "..but I trust you." You say, and his body erupts into happiness.
You trust him.
You trust him.
It washes over him like the hot stream of water in the shower after a long day, making him nod eagerly as he kisses you first and foremost. Jungkook is pretty orally focused, you've noticed; playfully nipping your skin here and there, kissing you randomly, or just running his sensitive lips over the soft skin of the back of your hand, feeling your skin with his mouth and hot breath. So it's not a surprise when he doesn't mind kissing you a bit more chaotically, open mouthed and tongue exploring your mouth with confidence.
He loves you, after all- and he can see, feel, that you're falling for him too.
He makes it all feel so natural that you can't help but giggle at the feeling of his kisses down your bare stomach; dress pushed up by his hands, a grin showing when he notices your reaction to his antics. He feels as if he's high- never having had the opportunity to be in a situation as easy and simple as this; both of you just existing, no words needing to be shared, no roles defined, no goal in mind other than making the other just as happy as yourself.
It's an odd feeling at first, but simply the sight of him so immersed in the act makes it feel ten times more erotic to you than you thought it might. Your breathing is deep, occasional sighs escaping you, soft voice chanting out his name like a mantra to keep you sane; and he starts to feel drunk off of it, teasing licks turning into more determined motions, tongue flat on your most sensitive area, the feeling odd but not unpleasant. All that fills your head is simply your approaching high, not in the slightest feeling like anything you could've done to yourself.
How will it be when you're both in heat?
You've known each other for months now, after all. Your cycle has synced up by now, you've noticed last time he'd taken time away to himself.
Your back arches as you roll your hips closer to him, lost in the ecstasy while his hands hold a firm grip on your thighs, fingers digging into the flesh while you ride out your orgasm on his tongue, before he let's go of you, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before crawling back up to lay down next to you with an impish smile on his red lips. "Hey." He jokingly greets you after you've opened your eyes again, noticing how he's moved your dress back down again as to not have you get cold.
Jungkook lays there with a smile, and you feel funny in his presence like this. You've never had anybody talk to you or treat you like he does ever before- you're used to either being told exactly what to do, or to be scolded for what you're doing or have done- so him talking to you like you're something special makes you a little confused on how to act.
And it makes you scared, because up until now, you've ruined everything good.
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"So have you, you know? Repaid the favor?" Jimin asks, eating his sandwich in front of you while you suddenly turn pale. "Oh." He just humms, while you let your face fall into your hands.
"Oh god, I'm such a nasty bitch, really.." You groan, eyes stinging already at the thought of Jungkook having expected you to get him off as well, just to get nothing in return but a stupid cuddle. The shame washes over you like waves on a stormy day, clashing against your bones with anger that swells up in your chest. You're upset at yourself now, appetite having vanished, and now you're even madder at yourself because Jimin had literally paid for that little piece of cake you'd chosen to eat here, and now you can't even enjoy it anymore.
Hormones are a gorrible thing, especially for omegas. And the stress you have these days just really fucked you over, causing you to drop into a new mental low.
"Hey, no-" Jimin says, wiping his mouth with a napkin before a hand reaches out to touch your arm. "-I'm sure he would've said something if he'd expected anything." He says, making you look at him with glossy eyes.
"Great, so you're saying he doesn't want me like that, thanks." You say roughly, and Jimin sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Oh god I'm sorry, now I'm all moody and-"
"Everything alright?" Jungkook's voice rings out next to you, as he stands close to your chair now, having spotted you in the small cafe with Jimin while passing by on his way home from work. "Hey, what happened?" He coos worriedly, bending down a little to get a better look at you who's hiding your face in your hands, humiliated about crying in a public setting like this, while Jungkook tries to assess the problem- your scent making him anxious too, but in a different way.
You're his partner. And his instincts tell him to offer you comfort, make you feel better.
You've always been overly emotional like this, but its worse now than ever. Jimin said that it's probably from being raised so roughly by your more than strict parents- after all, he remembers the times he had to make up stories just so you would be allowed to stay over at his family home, or for you to attend school trips. He's put himself into the line of fire constantly just to hang out as a friend with you- your mother hating him growing up for being a 'bad influence', and your father even threatening him with violence after Jimin had cut your hair for you, having grown tired of you being unable to express yourself even in the slightest at the age of 15. You remember how Jimin had grinned to you the next day, after everyone at school genuinely complimented you for your new appearance.
However, years after and now both of you working adults, you still have the habit of breaking down crying at the sight of the slightest thing going south in your life. But Jimin simply smiles watching Jungkook squatting next to your seat, carefully wiping your cheeks and eyes concentrated as he listens in on your hiccups interrupting your words to him, none of it very coherent.
But he manages to understand.
"Baby, it's totally fine, I don't hate you." He chuckles, pulling a chair from an empty table close by to sit next to you. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you both, by the way." Jungkook laughs, reaching out to shake Jimin's hand. "Jungkook, nice to meet you."
"Jimin. She's been talking non-stop about you." He teases, making you pout while drying your eyes with a napkin, earning a snort from Jungkook who just can't help but find your glare cute.
At the end of the day, you're happy to see your best friend and boyfriend get along so well- both making sure you know you didn't do anything wrong- and that it's totally fine to cry.
Jimin making sure to underline that no one even noticed at all.
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"I'm sorry sir, but I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone with her at all." Jungkook says, and it's all a face-off you never hoped you'd have to witness.
Your father had arrived unannounced to apparently bring something over your mother had sent- but you know he just does it to tell you how 'messy' your apartment is, and how you don't have your life under control. You don't know why exactly he does it- any parent would be happy to see their child earn a living from a job they genuinely enjoy; your art selling for high prices, well known celebrities decorating their homes with your works. Jimin had always said that your father is simply jealous- but you can't help but feel small under your parent's strong gaze and harsh words, Alpha father too intimidating to resist bowing to.
And now? Right now your father had told Jungkook to leave, and to yours (and probably your father's too) surprise, Jungkook had declined.
An omega, refusing an alpha's command.
"I'm sorry too, dog, but It's not up to you to decide that." Your father responds, and you worriedly look between the two men, when Jungkook speaks up yet again.
"You're right, it's up to her." Jungkook says. "It's her apartment after all." He says, turning a bit to look at you. You quietly nod, giving him the sign that yes, you want this man out, but you can't bring yourself to say it. It makes Jungkook feel protective of you in this situation, no mate able to stay calm at the prospect of their partner feeling in danger of anything in their presence. "Please leave, or I will call police." Jungkook says, and your father scoffs.
"I'll give you a nice black eye before they get here then, how about it?" He threatens, and while you step in front of Jungkook in a moment of thoughtlessness and reckless protection, you end up receiving the punch right into the side of your head, knocking you to the ground.
"No!" Jungkook barks out, rushing down to your level to check up on you- before spotting your father looking down at the scene with horror.
"I didn't mean to-" He almost whispers, before he takes a shuddering breath, leaving the apartment and you two alone.
You feel dizzy, headache already starting while your hearing sounds like cotton wool had been stuffed into it. It's distant, almost non-existent, and you can only hear Jungkook with your unaffected side. "What's wrong, baby, talk to me.!" he urges, and you sit up a bit straighter, noticing an odd feeling in your ear that makes you run your finger over the opening of your ear canal. When you move it away to reveal red spots of blood, the omega wolf immediately rushes to get his car keys, rushing to the emergency room with you next to him.
An overnight stay, and thorough examination later, you're free to go again, Jungkook making sure to cover all the formalities for your release, while you wait in your room.
"I can't believe he fucking punched you. Oh my baby peanut.." Jimin jokes dramatically, though you know there's genuine anger directed at your father in his words. He's currently keeping you company, his job as a nurse coming in quite handy in times like this, before the door opens to reveal a smiling Jungkook.
"Alright, I've been given your antibiotics and papers, so we're good to go now." He informs you, making you nod, albeit a bit hesitant after being told not to move your head too violently.
"You're lucky there wasn't anything more serious." Jimin sighs.
"Her hearing will be back soon right?" Jungkook asks, and Jimin nods.
"A month or two, typically. The bruising will be down even quicker I imagine."
And Jungkook nods, keeping in mind to never let you get hurt again.
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True to his words, a few months later, there's no trace of your past injury any longer.
Now on a spontaneous camping trip Jungkook had surprised you with to help you get over your artists-block and give you some inspiration, you're both entangled inside the van he had rented out, the rain pattering harshly onto the roof of it. You're both unconcerned with the little thunderstorm outside however, rather occupied with each other as he finally uncovers all of your body for himself.
You'd thought it would all feel much weirder than it actually does, but it's Jungkook- every move he makes feels natural at his point, even if the territory you're both walking on right now is absolutely new to you.
The condom over his length makes it a bit easier for him to push himself inside you, your warmth welcoming him eagerly and making him struggle to compose himself. You're just so pretty in the dim orange light that shines inside the van from the front that he can't help himself, his instincts to breed you full of his cum pushing itself into the front of his mind. You'd look so good covered in his release- and you'd smell even better, he knows it already.
Maybe next time. Or next round? How long can you take it?
Right now he's gasping for air, your little whimpers making him feel more sensitive than he's ever felt before. Not even his own heat compares to this burning need he feels growing inside him, your hips rolling up into him, and he's a goner. A growl leaves his throat before he bites around your neck, movements becoming more frantic now in the heat of the moment, needing to claim you as his. "I love you." He hums into your neck, and you respond with your own confession, before his hand angles your leg a little better, his thrusts a lot more desperate at this point. The van is probably visibly shaking from the outside, force of his hips hard enough to fill the small interior of the sleeping area with the wet sound of skin against skin, and your sensual breaths.
You're whining for more, but for what exactly you're not sure of. But again, as if he can read your mind, he knows- hand reaching between you both to press and roll your clit between his fingers, making your core clench and thighs shake with your sudden orgasm, his hips never ceasing to move as you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer, kiss him feverishly.
It gives him the final push to cum as well- though he's a bit disappointed it has to be inside the condom, and not you.
But, Again; maybe next time.
You're overly sensitive, noticing something odd happening, but he reassures you with licks and kisses to the bruised spot he'd bitten over and over on your neck while his arms hold you close. "Did you forget yet baby?" He chuckles amused, making you a bit shy considering the position you're now in.
Completely connected, his knot keeping him inside you at all costs.
"Kook?" You wonder when you notice the muscles in his thighs still trembling occasionally, hips pushing as close as he can get, breaths studdering, gasping. He's moaning quietly every time you involuntarily clench around his length still inside or move too much, and it's in that moment that you realize he's probably still in the midst of his orgasm.
Talk about drawn out.
It doesn't take long for him however to notice your rather impish acts, the way you seem to be very aware and in control of your actions- and much to your surprise, the moment he's able to slip out and discard the filled condom, he's back between your legs, thrown over his shoulders with a grin on his lips that spells trouble in bold.
"You didn't think I was done yet, did you?"
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"I'm a little worried though." Jimin says, sighing next to you while you reach into the bag of chips he's holding, TV show playing on the screen while you both spend a day together alone. "Yoongi is an alpha- what if I get on his nerves or something? Alphas are said to be quite moody.." He mumbles.
You giggle, adjusting the strap of your tank top that rests right over the permanent scar of Jungkook's forever bite.
"Don't worry Jiminie." You simply reassure him.
"That's all just stereotypes."
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midmourn · 1 month
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break ups with nct dream
♡ nct dream ﹒ gender neutral!reader genre angst warnings break ups, unhealthy coping, insecurities, some members dont think of themselves very highly, unintentional manipulation maybe ?? ( library )
mark who can’t stop pretending like everything’s fine. mark who is for once thankful of his busy schedule. because when his mind isn’t preoccupied, he finds it always going back to you. now, you only come to his mind late at night when he’s about to fall asleep only to wake up in four hours for yet another schedule. there’s a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes the heartbreak is just as fresh as it was the moment it happened. thinks he let you go to easy but also respects you too much to argue. at this time, he’d be too busy talking to you on the phone to fall asleep. something he used to momentarily regret the next day, but now something he yearns for. he turns around and begs hypos to let him sleep.
renjun who wants to scream at the world and god and ask why is this happening. renjun who refuses to talk about it. he doesn’t understand what happened. he thought you guys were doing perfectly fine. you seemed happy, anyway. he can’t tell if he was just too blind to see that you actually were unhappy or if you were just a good actor. he finds himself thinking about what you’re doing, even when he’s busy. he misses you so bad that he’s so angry that you left. he gets even angrier when he sees you with another guy a couple weeks later. but he’s more angry at himself for letting you go. he thinks it’s easier to be angry than upset.
jeno who cries and then gets his emotions out at the gym. jeno who hits the punching bag so hard it manages to fall off the chain. he moves onto the wall next. he ignores the concerned stares from others about the bruises and split knuckles, but is the exact same otherwise. he thinks he’s doing okay, getting his emotions out in the form of his fists, because at least he’s still doing what he needed to do, right? he’s fine, he swears. when he’s laying in bed alone, he can’t help but wonder what you’re up to and type up a message that accidentally seems too much like a booty call. u up? wyd?
haechan who doesn’t have the energy to be his normal self. haechan who is too quiet, blends in with the walls when he’s normally the life of the party. his voice is literally hoarse from crying and begging you to stay for so long. he sends countless messages to you, enough to the point where you blocked him. people wonder where he is only to find out he’s been right next to them the entire time, thoughts consuming him. he spends time overthinking every decision he made in the last six months that led you to break up with him. he can’t find one. it must be him, though. you’d never break up with him without a reason, right? he wasn’t good enough for you, so he has to be better. and with that, he gets off his ass and forces himself into the conversation. he will be better, for you.
jaemin who is so mature when you bring it up. jaemin who doesn’t cry or act like he’s upset about it in front of others. people think he never loved you with the way he acts. that couldn’t be far from the truth. the only way he’ll grieve over your relationship is in his room, alone, with his babies. he accepts your decision, but the what if’s consume his thoughts. what if he hadn’t done that one thing you got angry at him for? what if he hadn’t missed your anniversary date? but he knows he was a good boyfriend, too. he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over you, doesn’t want to, but he knows he has to. he can only hope that you two will find each other later in life.
chenle who fights harder than he’s ever fought. chenle who wants to work it out. ultimately, you win. he cannot help but be a little bit pissed on how difficult you’re being, how you refuse to talk it out and avoid him. he doesn’t even know what happened. he doesn’t think you’re going to stay broken up so he doesn’t even bother shedding a tear. he thinks it’ll be something you two will laugh and then bicker about in fifty years. thinks you’re trying to make him jealous when you try to move on, and it works. doesn’t think before finally cornering you. he gave you your space, now it’s time for you to give him the answers he wants.
jisung who doesn’t understand the concept of space. jisung who has attachment issues. he’ll text you “good morning” and “good night” and tell you about his day without thinking about it because it’s like a routine for him by now. feels so bad and accidentally makes you feel bad for him with his countless apologies. will tweet about you on his priv and forget you’re still on there. doesn’t even want to think about you moving on, and him moving on is out of the question. he truly thought you were his soulmate, but he wanted you to come back to him in your own terms. he’ll spend forever making it up to you, anyway.
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schrodingerscougar · 2 months
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Warning: afab!reader. i felt like writing a sad drabble(ish) thing.
--
Simon keeps a comfortable distance at first. He knows you’re interested in him, he knows he was the one who asked you out on a date, but despite all this, he just can’t get himself to let you close. So he keeps the dates simple, like going to watch a movie or having lunch at a fast food restaurant, maybe–and that’s a rare occasion–watching something with you at home.
You try to make a move on him, you want to go beyond occasional reserved kisses, but he acts like he didn’t pick up on the signs. But he does; he knows perfectly well what you want from him, but he’s not ready to give it to you yet. That would make your relationship serious and he’s not planning to let that happen.
Deep down he knows it’s a problem he’d have to face eventually. So three months into your strange relationship he visits the psychologist the military always sends him to and asks for the specialist’s opinion. Is it because of his job? Is it because of his family? Is he just afraid he would lose you too? He doesn’t get the answer he’s looking for, so he goes home and tries to come up with a solution himself.
The next time he goes on a mission, things go south pretty fast. He gets a bullet in his side and a cracked rib, so he has to stay in the hospital for a few days. On day two he begins to wonder if he should call you. He doesn’t think it’s any of your business, but you’re his girlfriend, maybe he should tell you about this. The next day he gets ready to call you, but he just can’t get himself to push the call button. It’s only on day four that he starts a video call.
You're worried, he can see that. You try not to show it, but even through the small screen of a phone he can see the physical signs. He's good at reading people and you're an open book to him. It kind of warmed his heart to know you cared about him so much, but at the same time it was scaring the hell out of him.
How could he end this relationship before you drowned in it? How could he break up with you carefully, making sure you don't get hurt?
When he returns home, he's ready for the big conversation. He would make it quick, straight to the point, and he would assure you it's not you, it's him. Because he’s the problem. He's the one who can't deal with commitment.
“We need to talk, love,” he begins, immediately regretting adding the pet name. But it comes so naturally when he looks at you that he can't do anything to stop himself.
He watches as you let out a sigh and sit on the couch, patting the empty space next to you. But he refuses because he knows he might change his mind the moment he smells your favorite perfume you picked just for him, and he also knows he would confess his undying love for you if he looked into your eyes from up close.
Over an hour later he’s already home, the sight of tears running down your face filling his mind as he lies on the couch. He wishes he didn't have to do this. He wishes he was strong enough to stick around, to be the man you always wanted him to be.
But he's not a good person. He had to break your heart to protect you from the harm his fucked up life could bring to you. He had to leave before he caused permanent damage.
Little did he know you were pregnant with his child. If he had known…
(part 2)
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Dad headcanons | Leon S. Kennedy
warnings: pregnancy
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I picture Leon being in absolute bliss when you break the news to him. He’ll be laughing while hugging you. He’s never had a normal family, and I believe he would want children of his own. He’ll be so happy he won’t be able to erase a dumb smile from his face for the rest of the day.
Reads lots of articles on parenting and baby development.
A worrywart. One day several noises woke you up late at night and you discovered your husband babyproofing everything in the house. Turns out he was so worried he couldn’t wait til’ the morning.
You have to be very careful about mentioning your cravings because this man is driving in the middle of the storm if that means getting what you want. You’ll have to physically stop him from going out at ungodly hours just because you crave some donuts.
If it were up to him, you wouldn’t even get out of bed. He has to be holding your hand when you use stairs, no matter how many times you’ve tried to convince him you are totally capable of doing it alone.
“What’s next? I’m not allowed to use scissors?”
Your laugh slowly quietens as you notice Leon’s thinking face.
“... I don’t see why you would have to use scissors”
One day he came home with a big present box and when you opened it a german shepherd jumped at you. He got a trained police dog to keep you company. (Not before making extensive research on the best family dogs, of course).
On top of that, he would want to hire someone to help around the house because the thought of you being alone makes him worried sick.
He’s so silly. Talks to your belly all the time. When he comes home he always greets you with “how are my babies doing?”
He goes crazy with baby stuff. Clothes, plushies, bottles, toys, everything he sees in stores ends up in the baby room. The room is so full of stuff you two had to keep some things in the attic. He has promised to stop buying things several times but there’s always something that catches his eye and he has to get it.
“And this is a baby monitor— I know that face, you don’t like it”
“No, I love it, it’s just…”
“Yes?”
“You already bought one of those, love”
“Aha! No, I bought a different one. Now, you see, the one we had doesn’t had all the features this one has…”
Strikes me as the kind of guy who would want to wait a bit before telling people about the pregnancy… However, he ends up spilling the beans two or three times. Also, people kinda catch onto it because all he talks about is about children’s development.
Sometimes you wake up at night to find your lover lying awake, watching at the ceiling. Truth is, he can’t help but worry about your child’s future and spends hours thinking about it; but when you ask him what’s keeping him up, he always answers that the excitement of becoming a dad won’t let him sleep.
Will do the impossible in order to be with you during the delivery. He has warned his superiors months in advance that he needs to rest during the days when is probable the baby is coming. In the worst case scenario, where he isn’t able to make it in time, he is gonna be regretful for a very long time.
Definitely cries the first time he holds his baby.
He randomly wakes up at night and goes to check the baby. He’ll sit in front of the crib and stay there for a while, sometimes he picks the baby up and just holds them. Will always give them a kiss on their forehead before leaving.
Converses with the baby. He could be feeding them, or changing their diaper, and he talks to them as if they could understand him. Tells them about his day, how work is going. If you two were ever to argue (which is very rare and, if you do, always with a certain joke air), he is bringing the baby and puts them on his side. He looks at the baby and asks “can you believe this?”
You’ve found him watching baby cartoons not noticing the child is long asleep.
He is beyond cheerful because everytime you are carrying the baby, they raise their tiny arms to his dad wanting to be held by him.
Asks Claire to babysit whenever you two go out on dates.
Which he later regrets because now, everytime the baby sees Claire, they reach out for her. Even if Leon is carrying them. Makes him a bit jealous.
Your baby walks and talks very early on because of how much time Leon spends with them.
Every parent believes their kid is exceptional, but Leon could win the proudest dad competition. As your child grows up, Leon is so amazed by every milestone they complete. “I’m telling you, this child is going places”, he tells you the day your baby learns to roll over.
You mentioned to him once how cute you thought albums were, so now you two keep one for your kid. He takes terrible photos, but you think those are very adorable and keep them in the album.
Takes playtime seriously. He isn’t like those parents who don’t even care about what’s happening and leave at the middle of the game. Tea party? He is wearing his best clothes. Pretending to be spies? Won’t break character. He will be bashful if you catch him tho.
He has this ongoing thing with your child where they try to build the biggest sandcastle everytime you go to the beach.
He always says ‘I love you’ when saying goodbye. Once your child hurriedly kissed his cheek and pretended to leave, but Leon stopped them and said: “Everytime I tell you I love you, I mean it, it’s not just mindless words. Do you mean it?” He knows that, and god forbids it happens, he could not come back home one day. So it’s crucial for him for his child to understand how much he loves them.
It breaks his heart to leave his family so often. On one occasion he overheard your child begging you to talk to their father and ask him to please stop going on missions.
I picture him having a daughter.
The kind of man who takes his daughter to dates. Everytime he brings you flowers, he has another bouquet for his princess.
Your daughter is a performer. She makes up dances and songs and performs in front of you two.
Once, when she was young, she told him she wanted to marry him. He answered he couldn’t marry her because he is already married to you, to which your girl replied “Can I marry uncle Chris then?” Leon hasn’t recovered from that.
Maybe a bit delusional but you two invite over his D.S.O friends for Christmas, Claire and Chris included, and everyone brings a present for your daughter.
He’d like more than one kid, but often worries about what would happen to his family if he ever goes missing, so for now, another one isn’t in the plans.
Lying by your side at night, he sometimes thanks you for the opportunity to have a family.
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slytherinshua · 1 month
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SLEEP IS THE BEST MEDICINE
genre. fluff. sickfic. warnings. reader is sick (sore throat/coughing). mention of food. pairing. seungkwan x fem!reader. wc. 1.4k. request. no. a/n. for @wheeboo who is sick and so i had to write her a sickfic smh (i love her sm pls feel better soon lovely)
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As soon as you heard the buzzing of your phone breaking through your attempt at sleep, panic filled your body. One glance at the caller ID confirmed everything, and you shut your eyes tightly, trying to muster up all your energy and a half-decent attempt to get your normal voice back before you answered.
Of course your boyfriend would be calling to check where you were. You were supposed to meet him 30 minutes ago. Not only had you forgotten all about the date you had planned days in advance, but you had also managed to get sick since the last time you had seen him (and forgot to tell him about it).
Seungkwan’s voice sounded cheery as soon as you picked up the call, “Hey, love! Is the traffic bad or something? I’m at the restaurant��� people keep giving me looks cause they think I’m dining alone.”
A small smile crept onto your face as you imagined the scene, guessing that your boyfriend probably wore a pout on his face just by the tone of his voice.
“About that… I kind of forgot?” You started to explain, your voice coming out in a painful rasp even as you tried your best to clear your throat.
“Are you sick? You sound awful.” Seungkwan asked hurriedly, completely ignoring what you were trying to tell him. You tried to think of a good excuse to give him, but the silence in response to his question already gave Seungkwan his answer.
“You are sick, aren’t you! Why didn’t you tell me?” He scolded lightly. You could imagine vividly the way he usually pursed his lips in disapproval, and a sigh left your lips. You had really been looking forward to the date, now that you remembered that it had been scheduled. It had been weeks since you spent more than an hour or so with Seungkwan, and you missed him so badly.
“I’m sorry, Kwannie. Can we reschedule it? I still want to go with you.” You said softly, clearing your throat between sentences in failed attempts to stop the uncomfortable scratching every time you talked. 
A dinner date with your boyfriend at a seaside restaurant was exactly what you wished you could be doing right now. If only you hadn’t gotten sick at exactly the wrong time, you would be enjoying a fancy meal across from him right about now. You knew the night would have led to a walk along the shoreline under the moonlight— something that you never got tired of. And it would have been chilly enough for you to justify stealing Seungkwan’s jacket (you really just loved it because it smelled like him, and was so perfectly oversized on you).
“Of course. That’s not even a question.” He replied with a tsk, wondering why you would even have to ask that with such a regretful tone. The night certainly wasn’t ruined for him, even though he had been looking forward to the date as much as you had. “I’ll come over. We can still eat dinner together, okay?”
Your heart melted at his suggestion, though you were tentative to accept immediately. Logically, you should probably stay away from him just in case he got sick too; but you wanted nothing more than to curl up in his arms and sleep. You opened your mouth to start protesting, your mind finally winning over your heart, but then you remembered how stubborn your boyfriend was. Even if you forbid him from coming in your front door, he would probably scale the side of the house and sneak in through one of the windows just to get to you.
With a cough, and a small ‘okay’, you hung up the call and let your head hit the pillow again. You swiped over to your phone camera, frowning when you saw how you looked. Seungkwan would probably arrive still in his date outfit, looking as charming and handsome as he always did— and here you were looking like a complete mess under your blankets. From your tired eyes to your tangled hair to the patches of skin that were breaking out on your face due to the cold weather, you would look almost disgraceful next to your boyfriend.
You itched to get up and put on makeup before he arrived, but you knew he would notice right away and be absolutely appalled. You were too tired to put in the effort either way. It was silly for you to still care so much about how you looked even after dating Seungkwan for years, but you still wanted to look pretty for him. You forced your mind to give yourself a little grace about your appearance. It was absurd to expect to look your best while sick.
Seungkwan arrived sooner than you expected, announcing his presence at the door in a sing-song voice. You croaked out that you were in your bedroom as loudly as you could with how painful it was to talk and hoped that he was able to hear you. He knocked on your door a mere second later, opening it slowly. He had a goofy loving smile on his face and a plastic bag in one hand. You couldn’t help but mirror his smile as soon as you saw him.
“I got some soup on the way. It’s supposed to help with colds.” He explained eagerly, setting down the bag on your bedside table and taking out a large container of soup. He opened up the lid to let it start cooling before turning his attention back to you.
“My sweet girl. I only left you for 1 week and you still managed to get sick in that time.” He teased fondly, sitting on the edge of your bed where he could easily reach to tuck away the hair that fell over your forehead. You only frowned in response, trying to rest your voice as much as possible. It was easier to communicate non-verbally when your boyfriend could see all your facial expressions.
“Sit up a bit so I can feed you.” Seungkwan instructed with a smile, grabbing the container of soup and spooning out some to blow on.
“I can feed myself.” You whispered.
Seungkwan locked eyes with you, “I know, but let me feed you anyway. You never let me do anything for you.” You scoffed lightly at his response, although it made your chest buzz with warmth. It was clear that the opportunity to pamper and take care of you excited Seungkwan. Knowing your boyfriend, it didn’t surprise you.
The soup was soothing on your sore throat, and just the fact that Seungkwan was right there feeding you each spoonful gave you the energy to actually finish the bowl. He told you about his past week as he fed you, making sure that each bit of soup was sufficiently cooled before it reached your mouth. He gave you a proud smile once you had eaten the last bit of soup, despite how unimpressive the feat had been— certainly not one deserving of such praise.
“You look tired.” Seungkwan commented softly, setting aside the empty container of soup back on the table and adjusting your blanket to cover your entire body again. You hummed a little in response, already letting your eyes flutter closed. As soon as you felt the tiniest bit of motion, though, your hand flew out to clutch your boyfriend’s shirt tightly.
“Don’t leave.” You pleaded, earning light laughter from your boyfriend.
“I was only going to go wash out the container, but I guess that’ll have to wait.” He already knew exactly what you wanted just by your eyes. He wasn’t one to deny you anything when you were already feeling under the weather, so he shifted over to the other side of the bed where there was space for him to lie down and draped an arm around your body.
“If I get sick from this, you have to take care of me, too, okay?” 
“Okay.” You closed your eyes again, shifting closer to him half a centimetre at a time in an attempt to be discreet. Of course, he noticed right away and pulled you closer before you were even halfway done closing the distance.
“Sleep. Sleep is the best medicine.” He urged you quietly. It was already a million times easier to fall asleep next to him, but as soon as he started humming old lullabies, the task became almost effortless. You were curled up in his chest before too long; the sound of his singing making its way into your dreams.
↳ svt taglist: @kangtaehyunzzz,, @eternalgyu,, @ddeonudepressions,, @hannahsophie0103,, @minholing,, @shuabby1994,, @icyminghao,, @98-0603,, @weird-bookworm,, @candewlsy,, @wonwooz1,, @cyberpunksunwoo,, @haecien,, @amara-mars,, @okshu
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runningfrom2am · 5 months
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leveling the playing field XI
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summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 3.3k
tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there
masterlists // nav // requests
a/n: nothing much to say other than thank you guys and i hope you like it :)
next part
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"You can't call me that here!" You hiss, taking the final steps out into the summer nights breeze.
"Never mind that, what are you doing here?" Coriolanus asks as soon as the door to the back of the building shuts behind you, leaving the two of you alone in the quiet alley behind the Hob.
You groan, dragging your hands over your face. "I had nowhere to go."
"Well, I... what happened?"
"Does it really matter?" You just shake your head looking up at him now, face red with anger. "If we're gonna talk, how about we talk about how you tried to drag me down to hell with you, huh? How about we talk about you showing up after trying to ruin my life and kissing me like I'm some kind of object to you! After all this time! Let's talk about that!"
Coryo takes a sharp breath in, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "You're not an object." He says, a hint of disgust in his voice, upset that you would even imply that he felt that way.
"Funnily enough, that is the bottom of my list of concerns right now!" You laugh dryly. "I thought we were friends! I thought you cared! And maybe that was stupid of me but don't come back now saying that you do." Your narrowed eyes are rimmed with tears now, and he can see that you're hurt despite you trying to shield it in anger.
"We are friends, I-"
"No, Coriolanus, we aren't, because friends don't do that!"
"Will you stop fucking interrupting me!" He shouts, making you jump. He's fed up with you always having to have the last word. "For once, just one time, will you let me explain?"
You just stare at him, jaw grit as you look up at him. You've never looked softer, your clothes and your hair are so loose and freeing and unlike you and you've somehow never looked more like yourself.
"I'm sorry. Okay?" He says, taking a hesitant step closer to you.
"Is that all you've got?" You scoff, nodding to yourself and pushing past him to walk back inside.
He can't let you go again, he just can't. He grabs your arm, stopping you in your tracks.
"Y/N, listen, I'm sorry. I regretted it the moment I said it, I shouldn't have pulled you into that but they already knew and I just wanted to be able to help you." Internally you roll your eyes, relaxing your arm so he knows you won't run. You'll hear him out. "All I wanted was for you to come with me, I thought they would ship us off together."
"Me? As a peacekeeper? Un-fucking-likely." You reply bitterly. "Did you think that through for even a second before you decided that I would be better off with you? Or were you just scared of being alone?"
The question makes him pause, which was enough hesitation for you to pull your arm away and start walking off toward the street. "Tigris wanted me to tell you they love you, by the way!" You call back over your shoulder, turning the corner and disappearing out of his view.
You walk around the building and back to the front entrance, hoping you could lose him in the crowd if he decides to follow you. You were no longer in any mood to dance, that's for sure, so you would just wait for the show to end in the back where you first talked to Lucy Gray again. You push through the abundance of people dancing, the music blaring in your ears. You make it to the desolate hallway, attempting to gather yourself before you really start to cry.
"Y/N?" You hear someone call from behind you, and you turn at the use of your real name. It didn't sound like Coryo, or any of the Covey band.
"Sejanus!" You squeal, running back toward him and tackling him in a hug. "God, I have never been happier to see your face in my life." You sigh, resting your chin on his shoulder.
"Likewise." He chuckles, rubbing your back. "I'm so glad you're okay."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm great." You grin, taking a step back to talk to him face-to-face instead.
"We have to find Coriolanus, he'll be thrilled to see you." He says, looking over his shoulder to see if he could spot the blonde anywhere in the crowd.
"Ugh." You groan, rolling your eyes. "No, I saw him."
He snaps his head back, looking at you confused. "You don't seem happy." He observes, stating the obvious.
"Tell me, Sejanus," You muse, resting a hand on your hip as you shift your weight. "If you had someone you perceived as more than a friend take the liberty of framing you for something that could cost you your whole life when they knew you were innocent, would you forgive them if their only apology was a kiss?" You ask, raising an eyebrow at him. You knew you were stretching the truth, but Coriolanus had done the same thing, clearly, so what was the harm in wanting Sejanus on your side?
"I... what? No, he didn't- he didn't tell me that." He looks shocked, looking back again to see if he could see him.
"Well. That's what just happened, weirdly enough." You laugh, shrugging to try and portray that you don't really care much more than that.
"I- um... We were told you were sick." He changes the subject now, something you're happy about because one more thought about Coryo and you might be in tears; or you might start throwing things.
"Sick? No." You shake your head. "I ran because if I hadn't, I'd be six feet under in the Capitol cemetery by now, no doubt. That or I'd be lacking a tongue."
"Oh, wow." He doesn't know what to say, so you just hum in agreement. "Coriolanus almost convinced me you were dead, but I knew better. They couldn't kill you if they tried, I don't think."
You chuckle, shrugging slightly. "Well, yeah. So that's been my life recently. Now I'm staying with Lucy Gray." You explain. "But what about you? You follow out here Coryo too?"
"More or less." He nods, a slight smile on his face. "Hey, uh, I've got to go, got some business to take care of but we'll get together again soon, okay? I'm really glad you're alive."
You nod, hugging him again. "Yeah, of course. I'm staying at this ugly, old grey house at the edge of the seam, past the end of the road. There's goats out back, you can't miss it. You'd think there's nothing out there, but trust me, we'll be there. Come by sometime when you're free, okay?"
"Will do." He agrees, hugging you back for just a moment. "I'll see you soon, Miss Sage." He teases, giving you a polite bow before turning to return to the party. You furrow your brow a bit as he almost directly approaches Billy Taupe, Lucy Gray's ex alongside one of his scummy friends, but you decide to mind your business. Sejanus was always too nice to everyone for his own good, anyway.
"Y/N's here." Coriolanus states, both him and Sejanus helping to carry their intoxicated bunkmates back to the barracks. "You see her?"
"I did, yeah, I talked to her." He nods, eyes straight ahead as their shoes crunch over the gravel.
"You talked to her? When?"
"A little after her performance, she was heading to this back room. Seemed awfully upset."
Coryo sighs. "What did she tell you?"
"That you betrayed her." Sejanus answers simply, adjusting his friend's arm over his shoulder. "That she was going to be killed or worse if she stayed."
"That's not-" Coryo thinks it over. "I didn't betray her, Sejanus. We know one baseline thing about Y/N Y/L/N and it's that she is, if nothing else, dramatic."
"Really? I wouldn't describe her that way." Sejanus argues subtly. "She's outspoken, maybe slightly obnoxious at times, but I feel like I am too. The one thing I know for sure about her is that she's not a liar, Coriolanus."
Coryo doesn't know if he's more angry about Sejanus calling you 'obnoxious' or framing it so nicely that you don't keep your mouth shut when you probably should. You were his girl, his. No one should talk about you like that but him- praise you or critique you all the same. You didn't know it yet, necessarily, but you were his to protect and to fix, if need be. You were rough around the edges, that's for certain, but you would mellow out eventually if you ever forgave him. "She wouldn't let me explain."
"Oh, was this before or after you kissed her as an apology?" Sejanus matches the heavy statement with a laugh and Coryo rolls his eyes at his response.
"I just, I needed her to know I did it because I care. I thought she was dead."
"Okay, well, she told me where she's staying. Told me to stop by on a day off." Sejanus admits. "Maybe you should come with me."
"Maybe." He agrees.
It was another week of torturous loneliness before Coriolanus was graced with a day off, and not even so much graced as he had to trade with one of his bunkmates to have the same day off as Sejanus. As soon as they ate they grabbed a couple bags of ice to bring with them to help you and your new friends beat the heat- a peace offering, of sorts.
The early August sun beat down on their backs as they walked through the Seam, a decrepit and rundown residential area that Coryo had no doubt had never seen a single air conditioner in all its days. There's no way you were happy here. Even with the lightness of his t-shirt and the early hour, he still had to fight the urge to remove it and instead drape it over his head to shade his skin from the sun.
"There's nothing down here. She lied to you." Coryo mutters as the already crumbled road falls into nothing more than a trail.
"Y/N said we had to keep going past the road." Sejanus says, looking back at him over his shoulder. "You want to hate her so bad, but you can't."
"I certainly can." Coryo grumbles in denial. "She's giving me the runaround. Obviously, she gave you fake directions-"
"Are you sure about that?" His friend replies smugly, looking through the overgrown trees ahead at a small grey house circled in by a white fence that hadn't seen a wash in years.
Coriolanus doesn't say anything, mentally rolling his eyes at being proven wrong. "Alright, go knock, then." He gestures for his friend to go ahead.
"This is your big plan to win her over? Hide in the bushes while I go in?"
"No. I'm just sure she lied and a local drunk is about to open the door with a gun pointed at your head."
"Suit yourself." Sejanus replies lightheartedly, practically skipping up to the door and giving it a few gentle knocks before taking a step back.
It's only a few moments and lots of chatter from inside before the door is swung open. "Hello there, what can we do ya' for?" Lucy Gray grins, and Sejanus looks pointedly over his shoulder at Coryo.
"Hi, I'm Sejanus, I'm a friend of Y/N's from back home." He explains and she smiles.
"Of course! I thought I recognized you, come on in, she's out in the back but you can just pass right through." She lets him in, looking at Coryo standing just outside of the fence line.
"You coming, Coriolanus?" She asks, raising an eyebrow as she holds the door, leaning against the frame.
He plasters on a smile, nodding and walking up to her on the porch that he's shocked doesn't collapse under his feet. "How are you?" She grins at him. "It's good to see you."
"You too." He nods. "I'm glad to see you made it home safe."
"Hey, well, welcome to the club." She chuckles, closing the door behind him. "Y/N's just out back." She points toward the back door. "But she's not too keen about seeing you, you know."
"So I've heard." Coryo sighs. "The feeling is mutual."
"Then why are you here?" She asks her previous mentor calmly. He's stumped by this, unsure how to respond. "Well, if it helps, I'm real glad you're here. I missed you." Lucy Gray promises, leading him to the back door and swinging it open.
Your head turns at the appearance of Coryo's silhouette on the back stairs. You internally groan, of course Sejanus would bring him. "And you brought Coriolanus." You smile bitterly at your friend, sliding an ice cube from the bag across your bare collarbones over the shirt you had now cut the sleeves off completely to turn into a tube top.
"Yeah, well, I figured you might want to actually talk." Sejanus offers, raising an eyebrow at you.
"We wanted to make sure you were doing okay here. Living up to your high standards." Coryo replies for you.
"Do I look uncomfortable to you?" You ask, placing a hand on your hip. "Well, now you've seen it all. Thanks for coming, Coriolanus, but I'm clearly happy here, so you can be on your way. Don't you have a rebel to shoot at?"
"Hey, woah-" Sejanus chuckles, holding his hands out to you in mock surrender. "Y/N, we just wanted to visit. I know I speak for both of us when I say that we've missed you."
You sigh, rolling your eyes slightly. You were nothing if not polite, raised to be a flawless hostess in your own home. "Alright. Sit." You gesture to the patch of grass next to you, by the little garden you're digging into to start some fall flowers. You've always wanted to try a garden, but your family paid people to do that and you didn't have the time, so why would you?
Lucy Gray and Sejanus do most of the talking, and you try to avoid looking up much from the dirt you're digging up and the small seeds you're planting. Coriolanus is sitting too close to Lucy Gray for your comfort, but you've been working on your temper, and until he showed back up it was going really well.
"Lucy Gray!" Billy Taupe calls from the front of the house, drawing all of your attention. You'd seen more of him than you have cared to since you've been here, he just won't leave her alone.
"Oh lord, here we go." She huffs, standing up and brushing off her skirt.
"I'll come with you." Sejanus offers quickly, standing as well. You're reminded of how, apparently, he and Billy Taupe know each other but you still can't understand why. The two of them disappear around the side of the house, and you're left alone with Coriolanus.
You keep a straight face, continuing with your cycle. Dig a hole, move the dirt, bury the seed, water it, repeat.
"What are you planting?" He decides to break the silence, moving a little closer to you and leaning back on his palms.
"Flowers, some fruit." You mumble back, keeping your focus on your hands.
"Isn't it a bit late in the season?" He asks, head tilted as he watches you.
"Raspberries are perennials." You reply plainly. "And roses bloom until late fall, do they not?"
"They do." He nods in confirmation, smiling a little to himself. Raspberries and roses together. He wonders if you even know what you're doing, or if this was a subconscious yearning you didn't know you had; to be with him in every form.
"Then there's no harm in planting them now." You say, stopping to take a quick break. You lean back on your calves where you were kneeling, grabbing the ice bag that is now mostly melted to drink out of. You hold it out to Coryo when you're done, shaking it when he hesitates to take it from your hand. "Drink. It's hot, you'll get dehydrated quickly even just sitting out here."
Coryo takes it at that, looking away quickly when he catches that glimpse of pity in your eyes, the same look that plagued him in the weeks leading up the the games and after he thought you died. He hated it until then, but now, maybe it wasn't so bad. At least you were looking at him, and it seemed like it was some kind of inherent need you had to take care of him. The thought of that made his stomach flip.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you." You say suddenly, catching him so off guard he almost spits out his water. District life really must have been changing you, and it was worse than he imagined. It wasn't just the loose-fitting clothes that were one stitch away from falling off of your frame, however breathtaking they may somehow look. Now, Y/N Y/L/N was in the business of issuing apologies? Someone call a doctor. "I shouldn't have said... that. It was cruel."
Coryo nods slightly, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "I figured you didn't mean it."
"You were lucky they had already decided my guilt. I would have torn your head off by now, otherwise." That's the Y/N I know.
"Sejanus told me they were going to execute you."
"Well, not necessarily." You sigh, pulling your skirt back out of the way before digging your hands back into the dirt. "It wasn't stated, but it was service that was suggested. Possibly nursing, probably under my father back home. When I climbed out my window, they were discussing the possibility of having me turned into an Avox. Highbottom said I knew too much, but I know my father would rather shamelessly bury me than have his oldest turned into a symbol of rebellion." You explain, now seeing no harm in telling him the full story.
"What do you know, anyway?" Coriolanus asks. It had been bothering him for a long time, and up until a week ago, he thought you took those secrets to the grave.
"That he and my father are proprietors of the largest drug ring Panem has ever seen." You answer simply, a smug smile taking over your features as you press some dirt carefully over a planted seed. "The main storage is in a secret room in our wine cellar, an old bunker from the war. I stumbled into it when I was thirteen-ish. I mean, you wouldn't believe everything they had down there. I haven't seen anything like it. Actual gallons upon gallons of morphling, other addictive crap that'll ruin your life, even weed." You giggle, sitting back again to gesture with your hand how big everything is.
Coriolanus can feel his eyes going wide at your confession, and he stammers. "I- wow, uh..."
"Come on," You chuckle, tilting your head at him like it was obvious. "Doctors don't have that much power unless they're a game maker Like Gaul, or have that money to start. They make money, sure, but not like that."
"Well," He swallows, nodding slightly at the intake of information. "That explains you being able to walk all over Highbottom for so long." He chuckles. It all makes so much sense now, how both you and Highbottom have a seemingly endless supply of morphling on you, and your father had a decently sized sought-after medical practice, but nothing that could add up to the amount of power and influence he possessed back home. "And the weed you brought to Livia's seventeenth birthday party."
You laugh. "No one even knew what to do with it- we were all so damn sheltered." You hum, matching his smile. "Still, don't tell anyone, okay?"
"Wouldn't dream of it." He shakes his head.
"You sure? Because last I recall, you did snitch on me, Snow. And frame me, if I’m remembering correctly…"
Coryo sighs. "I know, I know... But I did mean what I said. I just- it was stupid, but I thought I could protect you. Genuinely."
You don't seem mad anymore, just smiling at him. "I know." You say, voice so sickly sweet and soft in a way he had only ever heard from you once before; when he was on the verge of a panic attack in the arena. You had told him that soon it would all be over, simultaneously you were right but you also couldn't have been more wrong.
You needed him to believe all was forgiven, and the small look of satisfaction on his face proves to you that it has worked. From here, the games were back on.
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i've closed my taglist for coryo now!! sorry to everyone who wanted to be added, but unfortunately there was significantly more demand than i expected and i sadly just can't tag everyone. BUT! if you still want notifications when i post for this fic, please turn on my post notifs!!
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loveundrwrld · 6 months
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femboy yan x reader
(cw: manipulation, stalking, lovebombing, general yandere shenanigans)
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mischa is on the shorter side and has a cutesy, soft, pastel aesthetic. everyone at his college underestimates him severely because of it.
he successfully pretends to be a scaredy-cat, crybaby, sweet guy who only likes pretty things and hates gross things, leaning into his cuteness. it's so funny to see people do whatever he asks for just for him, just to make sure he's not upset. it makes him feel like a pampered princess.
this also works to reel you in. you see him whining about something and, deciding to be nice, you ask this stranger "what's wrong?"
you take the spider out of his dorm room and place it outside for him, grimacing all the while. (he isn't actually bothered by bugs- but he thinks it's hilarious that you would do this for him, even though you clearly are bothered. he loves that.)
you continue to baby him and do things for him, thinking all the while that you're just doing favors for a friend. you like to feel helpful, so at first, you're more than happy to do what he asks. little do you know, this starts to make his little crush on you snowball into a deep obsession.
he realizes just how deep he is after seeing you be nice and helping someone else . . . he'd never really paid any attention to that kind of thing before, but now? he can't stand the sight of you treating other people like him. why are you letting yourself get walked all over by trash like that? if it was him . . . well, he'd also do that to you, but he'd deserve it!
after a while, he stops asking other people for requests and favors completely. after knowing what it's like to be coddled by you? he's not taking any replacements.
he's always very touchy- he holds your hand, cuddles, you, hugs you, etc. all the time. he especially loves to lay his head in your lap. and when he starts to really get obsessed with you, this becomes a constant thing. he'll take any excuse to cling right to you.
he starts to use his innocent façade to his advantage, believing it helps him be fairly blatant with his problematic behavior without you getting too mad. he broke into your dorm room to sleep in your bed? that's just because he has nightmares :,( you can't be upset with him!
if you start saying no to him, making excuses for why you can't hang out with him, or push his arms away from a hug . . . he'll start crying, loudly, until you regret your decisions. he'll make himself out to be a victim- why are you being so distant, aren't you supposed to be his friend? if you try ghosting him, he'll blow up your phone with calls and messages.
the second you apologize to him or let him have his way, he's all over you. giving you sweet gifts, spoiling you, cuddling you, and telling you how much you mean to him.
mischa sends you "cute" little love notes in your mailbox to mess with you. he just loves seeing you confused and a little frightened- and he hopes you'll come to him for comfort. if you ask him to stop, he'll just act confused. he never sent any notes to you. do you want to sleep in his room for a few days, since you seem to have a stalker? he won't mind :) he'll let you cuddle with his plushies if it makes you feel any better!
after a while he gets tired of pretending to just be your "good friend." why wait any longer? you've let him come this far (reluctantly.)
now that you two are dating- you're going to spend even more time with him, of course. you don't want to upset your boyfriend, after all, do you?
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galene-gothic · 7 months
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𝖧𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿?
୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱
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˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES
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⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱
Let's look at what your best self looks like first, your best self is selectively honest. They don't tell others what they want next. They evaluate themself and are self critical to a certain extent. They are sort of self absorbed. They understand that ignorance is bliss and know how to ignore things or people when need be. They are especially really good at ignoring people that they can't have or people from the past. They are still quite fearless though. They understand that it's better to be attacked than ignored. They meditate often and know how to relax. They need and prioritise peace, and their actions align with that. They never bite more than they can chew, they know how to step away from situations that they cannot handle. They try to stay away from conflict and choose themself first no matter what. They know how to become the bigger person. They take care of themself, self reflect and know how to heal properly. They know how to not make rash decisions. They're wise and detached. They've surrendered, they know that if they cannot control it, there's no use worrying and if they can control it, it's better to do so rather than worry. They've released old beliefs and patterns. They have a faith that things will work out, be it faith in themself, faith in god, faith in life or faith in the universe. They're mindful, intentional and know how to let go. They know how to grow, they're also successful. They believe that the pain of discipline is better than the pain of regret. They're quite passive and know how to let life happen for them, they're still someone who takes necessary action though. So, how do you become them? You need a rest, not gonna lie.
Some of you might be drained out to the point where you cannot focus in school or on work. You need to address your self esteem issues. Supposing, you are really self conscious when it comes to performing, you always feel like your body won't look good if you put too much energy so you end up putting less energy in but when you do so, you feel disappointed at yourself for not doing well. In that case, you should try to improve your dance skills. You're someone who has an understanding that being pretty doesn't do enough for you, it's the same with being rich, and the way you are as a person and the way you present yourself are all very important to you. I think it's important for you to build certain skills to a point where you can be really proud, it'll significantly boost your self esteem which will in turn help you for the better. It requires consistency though, don't be lazy !! You need to release negative thoughts, feelings, habits and patterns. You might have gotten really comfortable with your pain, it's important to heal. Your deepest traumas are either already surfacing/resurfacing or will soon, that's when it'll be the easiest to change. You need to stop stressing like just know that "what happens, happens." You need to face life and have a total break down first. You should withdraw from stuff. You'll go through something very humbling, you'll be left feeling really put down. You'll not even have it in yourself to look strong anymore, you'll be exposing weakness because you'll just not have the strength to conceal it. You'll have to accept defeat first and things will get better soon. You'll have to have a lot of anger, pain, shame, guilt and regrets in order to completely change your life, all the best, it'll probably come in soon.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱
Let's look at what your best self looks like, your best self has unlimited potential and sees it. Your best self has freedom in some sense, be it financial or something else. Your best self is someone who had to let go of who they were in order to become who they're meant to be. Your best self has a carefree attitude. I just heard 'be yourself'. When I say this, some of you might think that you're doing it already but if you think about it properly you'll notice that you tend to either act childlike even though you're very mature, dumb even though you're very smart, don't express your values as articulately as you think about them, etc. Some of you could be really good at written expression of your thoughts, ideas and feelings but when it comes to talking, you're not the best. Your best self is not scared of being unique. Your best self takes risks because they understand that most of the times not taking a risk is the biggest risk. Your best self has a thirst for life and is passionate. You might be really passionate as a person (most of you seem to have that side of you diminished though). Your best self has fun regardless of what others say. One quality that you already have is your ability to analyse yourself, you are not the type to avoid accountability and blaming external factors for every little thing. You have some sort of an inner guidance, your mindset gives you the capacity to be completely alone if necessary. I feel like a deep part of you desires or used to desire solitude, peace and spiritual enlightenment. Most of you have started your spiritual journey already, some of you haven't though. It doesn't have to be something too deep like 'light candles every full moon, meditate every morning, light sage and incenses often' but instead that you feel like everything that happened was for a reason or even if it feels like it wasn't.
You learn and make something out of it, you know how to live life and try to grow as a person, and have faith (be it in the universe or in yourself). You might be quite philosophical too. You have a lot of wisdom, people who are slightly older than you and see you for who you are might say things like "you're so mature for your age". Ofcourse, there are some things that you'll have to get rid of in order to become your best self, I feel like most of you have mostly/only had short term unstable relationship/s which have caused you to have a lot of baggage. You could have poor health (I heard a poor immune system, bad sleep schedule and poor gut health). You might also be financially dependent on someone else or just not be financially stable, it's causing you to not be able to gain certain skills or knowledge, etc. Even if you do not notice it, you have a tendency of getting stuck in your head often. You lack spontaneity and need mental stimulation/challenges/someone who seems to be equally as intelligent as you so you could have been stuck in toxic friendships/relationships with people who think that and act like they know everything. You're a very fair person, so being with people who don't share the same values or reasoning as you will be frustrating, I'd advise you to not interact with such people to the point of forming am emotional attachment. You'll have to find a source of motivation or something that just reignites the passion in you. Stop being lazy, simply just planning isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to find a new purpose basically. Focus on a purpose, money, drive and having fun. It's important to learn how to be true to yourself and not get easily influenced. You should go out and have some fun too. All the best, I'm rooting for you but you need to be rooting for yourself ten times harder.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱
Your best self holds pure intentions towards others and has a good nature. Your best self is also very attractive and follows their heart. They're driven and have a great imagination. They romanticise life and are in love with love. They listen to their intuition and take action towards their goals with a hope in their heart. They have a creative hobby that they might have suppressed that they choose to enhance. They're charming and friendly with people. One thing that I'm getting is that they're someone who everyone has a crush on to a certain extent. They receive a lot of jealousy and envy from others. They don't let anger get the best of them. They think calmly and orderly. They accept different beliefs and paths. They could be someone who's tired though, like really tired physically (they could do a lot). They're accepting of other people's differences. They find solutions to issues instead of going around blaming others. They prioritise peace and don't lose sight of the path. You need to face yourself instead of quick fixing issues that lead to long term detriment. If you're having fights, etc. the moment you forgive them (whether it is at their face or by yourself, without letting them know, that's up to you) and resolve conflicts (including your inner conflicts), you'll start developing into your best self. You have convinced yourself that you have certain beliefs that don't align with you and you need to get rid of them. You're not seeing the brighter side of life and that's hindering you from becoming your best self too.
I feel like what's led to this mild-extreme pessimism is your over optimism in the past. A happy and exciting event seems to have turned wrong. It's going to take you a lot of work to become your best self. You'll have to take up a lot of responsibilities and be really loaded with things to do if you want to become your best self. You'll have to be serious about life and will be stressed quite often. I just heard 'too busy to even eat'. There are excessive requirements and conditions for you to become the best version of yourself. You'll have to put yourself through intense pressure. You'll have to take up a lot of responsibilities too though, try to improve your own character alongside working on building something for yourself. It'll be really easy to burn out though because of how much you'll be doing. You need to mean how to not commit easily to others. You need to challenge others instead of just letting them into your life. Your best self follows their heart but is not easy to get. You need to become hard to get and easy to lose. You need to learn how to make quick decisions and take quick actions. It's important for you to be on a dedicated mission to succeed. Discipline yourself and build confidence. Build so much confidence that when someone you love does you wrong, you know that you can just let go, and find better people and treatment. Become self assured. It's important for you to just go for the things that you want. If you try, you'll get there little by little, all the best.
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bkglovergirl · 8 days
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♡𓂃Room 381
Bakugou X Reader
𓏲 ࣪The school tells the students the exciting news! now you gotta deal with the fact you have a new 'husband' who could care less about this whole situation.
Word count; 1.6k
𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃
The bell rings. There is tension in the air. Not because of a villain attack, no, there hasn't been one in days, but because all teachers have ordered all students back to the classrooms for an important discussion. No one knows what this is about and in this school, this could be anything. You pick up your bag and look around for any familiar faces hoping you can have a conversation about the situation, the lunch room is almost bare but you catch a familiar redhead and run up to him. “Hey Todoroki!” you smile at him giving him a small wave. He stops his movements and looks at you.
“Hi,” he says. It sounds very bland, you think, but what can you expect? Maybe he’s nervous as well.
“Can I walk with you to class? I’m nervous about this big discussion thing.” Todoroki starts walking but looks at you to continue the conversation so you take that as a yes and follow.
“What’s there to be nervous about?” you give him a face.
“What’s there? Are you for real asking me that right now?!” You turn to walk backward and face him. “I don’t know, let’s think. A Hero retires, A Hero has died, they are shutting down UA, a student has gone missing, the teachers are robots, and they want to recruit us!” It seems Todorokis's blank face has gotten even blanker.
“All those were completely reasonable until the last one. Do you always automatically think of the worst-case scenarios?”
“Well kinda but it’s not my fault.” you cross your arms, “you gotta think of the worse case scenarios when it comes to this line of work-!” you walking backwards didn’t notice how close you were getting to the classroom, which means you didn't notice the blond who was right near the door causing you to bump into him.
“Watch it bitch!” Bakugou pushes you away causing you to fall about into Todoroki. 
“Alright asshole I’m not a freaking domino! You didn't need to push me!” you yell back in defense moving away from Todoroki. All Bakugou can do is give a scowl and walk into the classroom. “I Know I said it but I’m gonna say it again. What an asshole.” Todoroki nods following you into the classroom. 
𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃
“Alright class I regret to inform you that the school board has decided that not only is it not enough we teach you hero skills we must now domesticate you. Following your continued hero work you will now be paired with someone who will be your fake married partner. You will have your dorms, each including bedrooms that only you can access with your thumbprint. You will be monitored with a sensor. If you can’t get along and you get no points or even worse, negative points you fail the semester. Which means no work study. No fighting.” Aizawa slips into his sleeping bag unusually quickly. The class is quiet for a moment before yelling commences. Questions are yelled and it isn't until Aizawas face looks annoyed it gets silent. The room is quiet enough you can hear other classrooms having the same reaction you all just had. You can’t help but think you were so far off in your assumptions and at this point you wish a hero was retiring. “I will answer questions but I am not talking over all of you.” Hands are quickly raised.
“What happens if you are paired up with someone insufferable?” Yaoyorozu asks, she’s bold but the majority of the class was thinking about it.
“To help encourage points if a pair can get over a 100 and have an overall ‘A’ Grade, you and your partner have the option to switch pairs with another group who is also in an overall ‘A’ Grade.” You and a couple of people sigh. It’s a relief.
“How does this Sensor work?” Midoriya asks, noting that he already has his notebook out on his desk.
“It looks like a camera, but it’s not. Created by some tech-savvy departments, it can sense and scan emotions and calculate to decide what points a pair shall receive. For example, if the pair gets into an argument, the machine with scan picks up what it needs to and calculates it into the point system. And more Mumbo jumbo.”
“So why exactly is this happening?” You ask.
“The school board wants to show what it’s like to balance the life you all hopefully will have when you graduate while still being a hero… there is more to it but that's neither here nor there. Pairings will be posted in a few. I need a nap.” And that's it. Aizawa closes his sleeping bag and the class is left with dreed until the pairings come out.
𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃
A knock is heard at the door and Aizawa slowly unzips his sleeping bag and answers the door, grabbing the paper and walking in front of the class. Everyone is quiet. Aizawa tapes the paper onto the board. “Some of you are paired with people in here and others are paired with others in other classes. I want absolutely no complaints. Next to your name is the room of your dorms.” As you would expect he goes back into his sleeping bag and the room is engulfed in chaos, everyone runs to the board, adrenaline running to see who they got. Gradually pairs start forming some cheers and some blushing tension. You get to the board and scan the paper. Down at the bottom in black ink ‘Y/N L/N and Katsuki Bakugou room 381’ 
“You gotta be fucking joking.” Of course, you two find your names at the same time. Why does he sound so disgusted, you're a fucking treat! You are about to remark him but before you can Aizawa comes out of his sleeping bag.
“It looks like you all found your names. Class is going to start now, so go back to your seats.” Are we just going to act like nothing just happened?! 
𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃
The class had ended, and the girls and you were walking to your new dorms with some of your things from your old dorms. You were quiet, way too quiet for someone to notice.
“Girl you okay?” Ochaco hugs your arm, “normally you are leading our conversations.”
“No, duh, she’s quiet! She's got Bakugou as her husband,” you say silently, wondering if Mina could be any louder.
“I’m gonna die. Or my eardrums are gonna die. Either way, something is dying!” You can’t help but complain.
“What’s the deal with you both anyway?” Kyoka questions, “Normally people can have at least one decent conversation with Bakugou, But I’ve never seen you guys even hold a simple conversation. He won’t even communicate in battle with you? And he communicates with Midoriya.”
“I honestly don’t even know.” Truth is you did know and it was an embarrassing story that no one can get out of you. You went to middle school with both Bakugou and Midoriya. Over time and God knows how this happened you gained a crush on him and decided it would be a brilliant idea to confess. When you did it was a total embarrassment not only did he laugh in your face and shut you down, but He told those punk friends of his and they made your middle school life an embarrassment. You swore since that day he was your enemy. Childish yes? But still partly true to this day.
𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃
You wave the girls goodbye and look at your new dorm you share with your new ‘Husband.’ You can’t help but think how ironic this is. You take a deep breath and enter the dorm. In the dorm is surprisingly a kitchen to your left and a small living room area in front with a door leading out to a balcony. Bakugou is sitting on the couch in the living room. It’s clear he’s already made himself comfortable with how he's sprawled out he is. You decided it’s just best to wait it out in your room and make yourself dinner once he goes to bed. You look and see two doors one with your name on it and another with Bakugou’s to the right of the living room area, you start walking over to your respective door.
“Don’t expect shit out of me.” 
“I never expect anything out of you.”
“EXCUSE ME?!” Bakugou stands up facing you, “Who do you think you are saying that?!”
“If you aren't gonna put in any effort I’m gonna say whatever I want to you assface!” You both hear a ding. You didn't notice it before but over the TV is a point counter. Negative one. Not even five minutes into the dorm and you have negative points. “Oh now look what you did!”
“I didn't do that!”
“Yeah, you did!”
“Not my fault I don’t wanna do this stupid ass simulation. I just wanna be a Hero. Number one hero at that. A family and wife-” he points at you, “is just a stupid distraction from that and I don’t need this.” you roll your eyes and walk into your room, “DON’T WALK AWAY FROM ME!” and you slam your door. You place your stuff down on your new bed and sit down putting your hands to your face. Your blushing?! Why the fuck are you blushing? Is it because he called you his wife? Which is stupid and just delusional, did you not hear what he said? A million thoughts are running through your head as you question yourself but nothing can deny the feelings in your stomach.
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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 2 months
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My dear lgbt+ kids,
I have been openly living as a trans man for some years now. And I'm at a point where it doesn't take up so much mental space anymore.
Don't get me wrong: I certainly do not mean "it doesn't matter anymore" here. I am not a "just call me whatever pronouns, I do not care" person and I don't think I ever will be. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, it's just not how I feel. Being adressed with my name and my pronouns is still important for my mental well-being, and it still triggers feelings of dysphoria when people misgender me.
Even apart from misgendering: My identity is still important, and it always will be! Being trans is not some small thing that loses its importance over time. It's who I am. Being a man - and having grown up in a society that told me I wasn't - influences the way I experience everything in my life (from my self-image to my relationships with others to... well, everything).
What I do mean here is: Before coming out to others, and also before coming out to myself and accepting myself as a man, there were naturally a lot of questions running circles in my brain. Why do I feel so sad when adults tells me I'll grow into a woman? Why does it cause me so much stress when mom tells me to put on a dress? Why does it make me so euphoric to use masculine scents? When I try to picture myself kissing a boy, why do I see two boys? Ah, I just learned trans people exist, why does this fascinate me so much that I can't stop thinking about it? Am I creepy for being so fascinated by them? I'm older now, why is that sad feeling not going away? Why is it only getting worse now that I have "grown into a woman"? Why do I keep getting this horrified feeling that I took a wrong route somewhere and was never meant to arrive at "woman"? Wait... could this mean I am trans? Is it too late to realize I am trans at my age? Can I really be trans when the whole thought of even just considering surgery feels overwhelming and scary? Will I ever be ready to actually come out as trans? I really want to get married some day, could I even find love as a trans person? Can I ever be happy in a relationship if I hide who I am? Can I go on living in the closet? Okay, I am trans and want to come out, is it safe to do that? Will my family still love me? Will I ever be brave enough to come out to people outside of my immediate circle? Will people take me seriously? Will people hate me? Will I regret coming out? What if I fuck up my life?
Well, I came out and the world didn't end. All these questions, I either found answers to them or they just dissolved over time - and that frees up a lot of energy and mental space. The space that was occupied by these questions and concerns is now available to me again.
I do not wonder if I am a man anymore. I just am one. It has become something that is just self-evident to me. It goes without saying - or without conciously spending time thinking about it. Of course I am a man, of course I am Oliver. Who else would I be?
We all have a limited amount of things we can focus on, and many trans people share this experience that over time they do not need to focus so much on it anymnore. But this is not unique to the process of figuring out you are trans - in the sense that a cis gay, bi, ace etc. person could also relate to this, but also in entirely non-lgbt-specific ways. Think about a person prepping for an important exam for example. A lot of their energy and mental space will be tied up in exam related questions... which obviously will not be a permanent state. After the exam, they will naturally no longer by preoccupied by wondering how the exam will go!
I'm telling you all this because one of you asked me if I struggled with coming to terms with being a trans man - and this is my very long way of saying: Yes, I did (and it's pretty normal to do! It's a really big realization about yourself!) but struggling isn't a permanent state.
You'll find answers to some questions, some questions will just fade away. You'll figure things out.
With all my love,
Your Tumblr Dad
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aakeysmash · 1 month
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Roommate or boss?
Pairing: f!reader x Katsuki Bakugou.
Warnings: cursing, cutesy stuff.
Word count: 3.6k.
Previous part: part 5
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And what's your definition of love?
You can't seem to stop thinking about the way Katsuki looked at you with somewhat of a soft gaze, body relaxed and on your shared couch. You noticed he tends to be tense a lot, like something is always bothering him, and it's rare to see him for what he hides to be. He acts like being soft is a weakness, almost as if being vulnerable in the past has caused him a scar that is not fully healed yet.
Also, if he asked me that without even blinking, he must have hella bitches, you think. What kind of guy talks so freely about love with a girl?
"What should I do Saturday? What's something you like to do, Y/N? Thinkkk" you whine to yourself. Blaming your own brain for lack of ideas is very therapeutic.
For you, love is easier with words. You could probably write a book about love if you really wanted to, but you don’t think you’re that good with actions. It’s not like you don’t try, it’s more like a lack of experience: you’re not used to thinking about expressing love, you just do it depending on who you’re facing. You are a pretty habitual person, so you might be shy when you first meet someone, but when you start knowing them you never fail to show what you truly are. You’ve never liked to hide your personality to make friends: it’s better to have a couple of real friends instead of a multitude of fake ones. You like expressing how much you care about someone with words, but you and this someone have to be close. You love loving, and you probably would be nowhere without it, but showing your rude and cold roommate something so important to you is difficult, maybe because if you don’t make a good impression you’re going to cry. Joking!
Unbeknownst to you, Katsuki is freaking out. He regretted asking you that stupid ass question the second he went to bed that day, and he regretted making that stupid ass deal with you even more. It's not because he doesn't want to know the answer, he's really damn curious about what you think, but he doesn't know how to answer it. He doesn’t know how to act in friendships, let alone in loving relationships. You just looked so soft, so cute, so trustable in that moment, that his brain shortcircuited and became smooth. "I'm a fucking idiot", he grunts while putting his pillow on his face.
He knows what love means to him. Love is the way his mother still calls him to check on how he's doing even if he doesn't put enough effort into keeping the relationship strong; it's the way his father smiles at their antics when they get together for the holidays even if he hates how loud they can get; it's the way Kirishima gets him hot chocolate every hard day at work without Katsuki asking; it's the way you care about Ochaco enough to call her even when you're exhausted from your own day at work, bags under your eyes and hand soothing your back that hurts from how much you've been at your desk studying. It's in the way the people around him want to see him happy, and in the way his heart beats a little more affectionately when he sees how naturally they seem to do things for his own happiness.
He sees love reflected in the actions of those who are close to him, but expressing it himself? He doesn't even know how the few people around him can tolerate him.
He decides to call Kirishima and ask him about frienships. Out of his male friends he’s probably the only one who can answer properly, and there’s no way he’s talking about it with the girls.
"Oi."
"Hey, Bakubro, everything alright?" his right hand answers.
"Listen, we're friends, right?" Katsuki bursts out.
"Uhm, yes, of course. Why are you asking me this? It's weird coming from you" the redhead suspiciously tells him.
The blonde ignores the comment and continues with his questions. "Why?"
"What do you mean why?" Kirishima says, more confused than before. Katsuki sighs, because he knows his friend will have to know all the details about it or he won't shut up about it, ever.
"Made a deal with my roommate, I have to show her what love means to me" he explains.
"That sounds pretty intimate, to be honest. You barely talk about her and suddenly you talk about love with her? Is there something more between you two? And what does that have to do with me anyway?" he rambles on.
"Shitty hair, stop asking questions, fuck. We were talking about friendships after she made me watch a dumb ass film and now I don't fucking know how to tell her what I think about love. She said to think about love inside of friendships. You're supposed to tell me why you're my friend. Also, we're not fucking intimate or some bullshit. As I said, we made a deal" he replies, annoyed. 
"Sure, every roommate makes a deal about love nowadays" Kirishima mumbles.
"SO?" Katsuki is starting to get pissed. "Just answer the damn question."
His friend sighs, before starting to answer. "You're not good at telling people how you feel about them, but you know how to make them feel safe. And I'm not talking about physical safety, even if I bet if I asked Mina she would say you scare the creepy guys away, I'm talking about safe friendship. It's nice to know you're always there if I need you, you know? You help me without being asked to most of the time, and you don't even realise it. Remember that time half of the class fell sick and you spent a day going to the store to take medicines for every specific illness we had? Or remember when me and Mina almost broke up because of that stupid broken plate and you talked me out of it saying something like "If you really want to break up with her go on, but I'm breaking your nose because this is a really stupid fucking reason to break up with the girl of your dreams"? That's stuff that touches people. Yeah, your love can't be defined as kind, but it's real. Everyone needs to have a friend that will straight up tell them when they're wrong and that doesn't sugarcoat things. You're that guy, man. I’m glad I have you as a friend."
Katsuki is stunned into silence. He didn’t think Kirishima would be this specific.
“Hello? Are you still there?” His friend asks, thinking the line has fallen. Katsuki clears his throat before answering “Yeah. I didn’t expect all of this. Thanks, Eijirou, I appreciate it.”
His friend chuckles. “No worries, bro. Also, what’s going on with this roommate of yours? And don’t tell me that it’s just a deal, we both know it’s a lie. What type of person is she?”
Katsuki groans. He is currently in his feelings though, so he shares a bit of what’s on his mind lately.
“She’s cool, I guess. She knows how to deal with my mood swings in a way that… you-know-who didn’t do. She’s funny when she wants to be and she stands her ground with me, but she’s also pretty kind from what I’ve seen. Sometimes too much. It annoys me,” he says almost whispering. He feels like if he raises his voice even a little bit then he won’t be able to not think about you for the rest of the day. Almost as if the raw things he’s feeling right now will come back to haunt him.
Kirishima hums. He knows he won’t get more than his friend already said. It’s a miracle he even talked about something so personal.
“I’m glad you found a good roommate, man. You know how they say, calm at home equals calm at work” he says.
“And who says that?” responds Katsuki, raising both his voice and one eyebrow.
“Me” Kirishima proudly says.
“This was some of the corniest shit you ever said, Kiri. And I saw you propose to Mina” Katsuki barks.
His friend bursts out laughing. “Yeah, and you’re still my best man at the wedding.”
“Yeah yeah, whatever. I’m gonna work out now, see you at work” he says rolling his eyes.
“Sure, man. See ya,” and he hangs up.
Katsuki gets up from his bed and goes straight toward your bedroom door. He makes sure to knock before opening it, then crosses his arms and leans on the side of it. You look up at him from your desk and stretch. You’ve been writing for hours.
“How’s your vitamin D intake?” he asks you. You look confused. Is this a dirty joke?
“Why?”
“Because. Answer the question,” he says.
“Are you talking about dick or the literal sun?” You respond.
“Both. I do think you need to get laid. It could make you less insufferable” he answers, smirking.
“Fuck off, Katsuki” you roll your eyes. “By the way, I could use a walk if you want to go out. Do we need groceries or something?” You stand up, going next to him. Up close your height difference is even more noticeable.
“Nah. I was thinking about Saturday” he says looking down at you. Damn. If she comes a little closer I could strangle her without exerting too much effort. I’d just have to straighten my arms and get her neck and-
“Why are you looking at me like that? You’re freaking me out. Please cover your eyes and get out of my way, I need to pee” you tell him scowling, bumping his shoulder and getting out of your room. “Also, I did say that you can choose to go out, so if you show love by taking someone to the Bahamas, I have nothing to object to.”
You hear him humming before entering the bathroom door.
“I can’t take you to the Bahamas, ‘cause if I see that ass in a bikini, you’re getting both of your vitamins D” he mumbles, just having finished staring at your backside and knowing you can’t hear him. He shakes his head to make the voices disappear, then prepares himself to work out. A run will do.
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It’s finally Saturday. For this deal both you and Katsuki took the day off at work, so it’s basically a small vacation. You wake up at 9 am, which isn’t even that bad, but when you get out of your room with sleep still on your features you see your roommate super busy in the kitchen. He’s so focused that you think he hasn���t noticed you, so you stare at him for a bit. He’s such a housewife. Let me take a picture, you think.
When he hears the click of your phone’s camera he snaps his head towards you. “Delete that shit,” he says with a deep voice.
“On my dead body, Mr. Bakugou,” you reply.
He growls, then throws you a mean look. “I’m poisoning your food, brat.”
“Oh! You’re cooking for me? How nice of you” you say genuinely, getting closer to him and observing what he’s doing.
“Don’t look. It’s for later. We’re having a picnic” he roughly responds.
“Is this what you planned on doing for today?” You ask, smiling up at him.
“Yeah” he says hesitantly. He didn’t think you’d be excited, and seeing you smile for something so little makes him pause. He composes himself, remaining neutral. “I'ma need your help though, we’re baking cookies. Is that easy enough for you, dumbass?” He continues, smirking.
“Hey!” You pout, throwing a punch at his arm. He chuckles. You’re surprised, because you’re not used to hearing his laugh, but you go with the flow and laugh with him. His laugh is a bit rough, just like him: you like it though, because it shows a little of that particular side he doesn’t show often. You’re a sucker for it, your need to always know every detail being quelled a little and making you feel light. Being in Katsuki’s presence is like being exposed to the bright and hot July sun for a whole day and finally finding a bottle of fresh water. You still don’t know if he’s the sun or the water, you just know that it makes you happy.
You start mixing the ingredients according to the recipe he reads you and he occasionally screams that you’re not doing it the right way, taking over. After a while he frustrates you so much that you take a bit of flour, put it on your hand and then slap it on his chest. He’s flabbergasted, your white handprint on his black tee super visible. He doesn’t say anything for 5 minutes, just staring at you and at his shirt, while you’re on the floor crying from how much you’re laughing from his expression.
“You bitch” he seethes, scowling. “If you want me to show you how I hate people, you’re on the right fucking path”. Then he takes some cookie batter and smears it on your forehead. You try fighting him but he gets both of your wrists in one of his hands in a matter of seconds, and you can’t escape.
He gets on your eye level and with mirth in his eyes tells you “Y’can’t win at this. Keep on cooking or you’re not gonna taste what I prepared for you”. You poke out your tongue with laughter still in your irises. He rolls his eyes, trying to appear mad. At that moment, you realise that- He’s having fun. He's happy.
"If you're going to boss me around I'm at least going to have the music privilege," you tell him, wriggling out of his grasp. He whines, saying how your music always gives him a headache, but he's lying. You caught him singing along more than he would want to know.
You keep on cooking and singing all morning. You laugh, you scream while running around your living room making fun of each other (well, you laugh, he scowls), you truly enjoy your free time for the first time in what feels like ages. Katsuki doesn't try to hide that he's enjoying himself and how he gets annoyed when you're not on tune, and you beam at the fact he feels comfortable enough to show you some of his true colors. Your chocolate chip cookies turn out to be pretty amazing, and Katsuki says that it's only because he made the recipe himself.
"Don't get too ahead of yourself, Y/N" he smirks, looking at you breaking one cookie in half. You're both sitting down, having just finished taking them out of the oven.
"You know, you never call me by my name. Is that because you're rude or do you have problems with showing affection? How's your relationship with your mother?" you mock him while munching.
He flicks your forehead and blows on your face, making you scowl. He smells like the cookie he just finished eating plus a little bit of the coffee you made for the both of you. You offer him the bigger half of the cookie you broke in two, and he stares at you for a bit before taking it.
"You could've given me the smaller part. It's not like we don't have enough of them" he mumbles. You just shrug.
"Just take it. It came as a natural gesture, don't worry, it's not like I like you enough as a person to plan something like that" you reply, flipping him off while standing up and dusting yourself.
"Go prepare yourself. We're going out in 30 minutes," he tells you ignoring your middle finger right in his face and looking at his watch. If you didn't think about it it's even worse, dumbass , he thinks.
"30 minutes?! But I want to be cute! Ugh! You could've told me sooner!" you scream while running toward your door, and you hear him scoffing. You turn around and look at him, still basking in the sun that comes from the window in front of the kitchen counter. He seems more peaceful than he's ever looked, with flour on his clothes and his hair ruffled up from how much his hands were in it when you were doing something wrong baking.
"Kats?"
"Yeah, Y/N?"
"This was cute. We should do this again sometimes. You're a great cook" you say, giving him one of your most genuine smiles. He nods, then tells you to hurry up. When he's alone in the kitchen he brings one of his hands on his chest and hears how fast his heart is beating. He groans. You're going to give him a heart disease. Was this day a good idea?
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You get out of the house and he has to force himself to not look at your legs. You wore one of those flowy summer dresses that compliments your skin so well he feels like he'll have a nosebleed at the end of the day. Fuck Katsuki, get a hold of yourself. You sound like a horny teenager, he scolds himself.
You lay your blanket on the green grass of one of the parks near your apartment, and he gets out different tupperwears with different things in them. He even gets out two bentos filled to the brim with food. You're shocked.
"Just how early did you get up to do all of this?! There's so much food!" you excitedly say, looking at the pearly whites of his teeth when he flashes you a shy smile for a fraction of a second, before returning to his usual impassible face.
"Early enough to see you still sleeping like the lazy ass you are. Don't flatter me too much, dumbass: dig in, you're gonna taste the best fucking food you'll ever eat. I'm never doing all of this again, but I'm gonna win this fucking deal no matter what" he says.
"You mean I just had to make a bet with you to make you a decent human being for a day? I'm writing it down" you joke. He rolls his eyes, scowl ever present on his features.
"Oh! By the way, I thought about doing something too. We're going to play a bunch of different games and whoever wins the majority of them is going to clean the house alone for two weeks. Are you in? Or are you scared to lose?" you ask him, pointing your fork at him and looking mischievous.
"You're talking to a master here. You're gonna be so sorry for yourself at the end of the day" he responds, looking ready to annihilate you.
You spend the rest of the afternoon eating and playing with each other. You're both really competitive, so most games finish as ties, but you have fun. When the sun starts setting, you get your things and start going toward your apartment.
"By the way, I won the flag quiz. That's so much better than winning fucking monopoly" he says frowning.
"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, loser," you tell him.
"We're gonna have a rematch. I'm gonna get your ass so bad you'll cry" he barks, glaring at your laughing form.
You open your door and mimick a parrot with your hand, like you're saying he's all talk and no smoke. He slaps the back of your head receiving an ouch from you, then puts the containers he used to prepare lunch in the sink. You sit on the kitchen counter while he's washing them.
"So, you're big on acts of service? That's how you show love, right?" you ask him, swinging your legs and looking at his back.
"Yeah, basically. I like it when people enjoy the things I do for them, I guess" he answers, not turning his face toward you. "Instead, your love language is quality time, right?" he continues.
You hum. "I like physical contact too, but it depends on the person I'm receiving it from, you know? It makes me super uncomfortable if someone forces it on me" you explain, shrugging. He nods, drying his hands and turning around.
"I noticed," he says.
"How?"
"I'm good at details. That's why I'm good at everything I do," he responds, seriously.
"Woah, your ego just blinded me," you tell him, a bit disgusted.
"Whatever. Hot choco then we order out?" he offers.
"Yeah, I'm pretty tired. What about you make it?" you whine, and he scoffs.
"You ain't no princess, get your ass up," he says, putting one of his hands on your thigh and shaking it. He's positioned in a way where he maintains some distance, but if he were to take two steps he'd be between your legs. She's not uncomfortable now, he thinks. You huff, then hop off the kitchen counter.
"You should call me princess, since you look like the assassin the rival king hired to kill me" you mumble, getting a pan out.
"Oh, I'd kill you just right, princess" he whispers in your ear, making you shiver. He sounded kind of serious, too.
You push him away, calling him an idiot, and he chuckles before ordering pizza for the both of you.
Well, today was nice, you tell yourself, a little smile on your lips. I'd even like his pomeranian-looking ass if he wasn't so rude, you remark.
Meanwhile, as he's looking at you singing to yourself, he thinks that if he doesn't distance himself a bit from your big eyes and pretty smile, your story will be an "enemies to lovers" instead of a runaway princess and her assassin.
Tag list:
@perfectsukii @sleepykittycx @what-the-jams @bakunianadecorazon @vensunzy @eyesforbkg @bffrrufr @imas1mpp @cold-deep-water @peonies-and-teacakes @berryvioo @opticesmeray @one-piece-frvr7 @youngststark @kahelis
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ghosttrolls · 3 months
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Watching Danny phantom is like. You have a boy in high school who suddenly has the power to protect his town from the otherworldly evils that are slowly creeping into the normal world, and though the town he lives in does not initially believe these evils exist at first, they slowly come to admit that it's true: the town has been under attack, but this one kid has been defending the entire place this whole time for them. He keeps this responsibility a secret from his parents, and the town does not know who he really is, because he fears how they would react, and he fears for their safety. So he chooses two people to tell, and they work together as a team to bring down bad guy after bad guy.
And then watching Trollhunters is like. There's a high school boy who suddenly gains powers to protect his small hometown from the otherworldly evils that slowly encroach into the public eye, and though at first the population doesn't believe these evils are real, they slowly realize that the town has been in danger for a while, and this one teenage boy has been protecting them this whole time. He keeps this responsibility secret from his mom and everyone else in his life for as long as he can, out of fear of what they'll say, and of putting them in danger. He chooses two friends to tell his secret to, though, and together they are able to save their town over and over.
Watching Danny Phantom is like, hey there's this old guy that is trying to insert himself into Danny's life as a guidance figure. This dude has a crush on Danny's mom hardcore, which is a bit awkward - WAIT A SECOND? He's also EVIL?? This older man who sometimes appears as a mentor and sometimes as a rival is the only adult person who knows Danny's secret, who he truly is. And they fight over that fact constantly.
Watching Trollhunters is like, there's an older man in Jim's life who's trying to offer him guidance, which is cool. He asks Jim if his mom is single, and that's awkward - WAIT HES AN EVIL BAD GUY??? Suddenly this guy appears in Jim's life not only as a mentor but often as a rival instead, and is the only adult who knows Jim's secret. They fight about that secret constantly.
Watching Danny Phantom is like, hey this episode results in his parents finding out his secret about his powers. At first they're shocked and scared for his safety, but they warm up to the idea pretty fast. We love you anyway, they say. We're here for you, we're so sorry you were so scared to tell us. But there's a larger problem, one that will end up wiping their memories. Promise us, they say, promise us you'll tell us again after the memory wipe. We will support you forever and always. Their memories get wiped. Danny does not tell them his secret again. They have to find it out for themselves in the last episode of the show.
Watching Trollhunters is like, in this episode Jim's mom finds out about his powers. At first she's shocked and scared, because she witnesses first-hand the danger he's been putting himself in, but eventually she relaxes that fear as she realizes he's good at his job. You've always been my hero, she says. But there's a bigger problem, and to fix it her memory will get wiped. Promise me, she says, promise me that after my memory is gone, you'll remind me. The burden is too big to carry on your own. I don't want you to lie anymore. Her memory is wiped, and Jim does not tell her. She has to recover her lost memories on her own.
Watching Danny phantom is like. Something made him this way. The burden feels heavy. He tries to undo it, he tries to live a life without it. He takes his powers away and walks around town like a normal kid. But everywhere he goes, he sees people who need help, and feels this tug. He realizes he couldn't just stop helping people, so he goes and gets his powers back. He made himself into a hero this time.
Watching Trollhunters is like. Someone made him this way. He starts regretting all the danger he's put his friends and family in, and all the mistakes he's made, so he wishes he never had powers. That wish is granted. But after living his life as a normal teenager for a while, he realizes the town can't win against the evil without him. He needs to step up and be the hero. And so he picks his sword back up again.
Watching Danny Phantom is like, why do they have an episode where they have to take care of flour sacks as if they're babies?? I don't remember that being required in high school.
Watching Trollhunters is like, oh great, TWO MORE episodes where they have to take care of flour sack babies. Where does this situation in high school cartoons come from anyway??
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astridthevalkyrie · 1 month
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a weak heart | rafayel x reader
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“Let’s go all the way, tonight, no regrets, just love,” she sings, and her voice is a little pitchy but Rafayel could listen to it all day, “we can dance, until we die, you and I, we’ll be young forever!” How very wrong she is about that last part. It’s almost funny. Someone with such a weak heart shouldn’t be this cocky.
cw: reader has she/her pronouns, fluff, light angst, rafayel being bratty but also down incredibly bad
word count: 1.4k
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There’s a dip in the bed that alerts Rafayel to her presence. He’d already known she was inside, even though her footsteps were hushed. He’d heard her walk in and feed Reddie, and he almost gave up the vow he made to himself not to engage with her just so he could snark about how she was more invested in seeing the fish than in seeing him.
(Of course, she very well may have gone to the studio to look for him and decided to feed Reddie while she was already in there, but. He doesn’t want to be reasonable right now. He wants to be upset with her. And she gives him so little to get upset with because she is and always has been some kind of angel descended from the heavens with an embarrassingly weak heart, so he needs to take whatever chances he can get.)
A soft touch to the back of his neck is followed by a quick kiss to his cheek. “Rafayel?”
He doesn’t answer.
“I know you’re awake, Raf.” Well, his eyes are open so. Great observation, idiot. “You’re not even gonna talk to me?”
The window he’s staring through is so fascinating all of a sudden, all bright and stale with an afternoon light he’s painted a billion times. Literally a billion. That’s how old he is. One would think he’d learned to be patient in that time, but one would also think that after waiting for a woman for centuries, she could cut him some slack and not make him wait any longer.
(Not that she knows that but. Still.)
“It was really last minute.” She kisses his cheek again, hovering over him and he wants so badly to gaze up at her, because that will be something he’s never painted before—he’d title it Requiem For A Bland Thursday and Thomas would sell it for a couple hundred million and he’d tell her that and she would only ask him to buy her a rainbow popsicle because there isn’t a greedy bone in her body.
“I was going to text, Raf, I promise I was, but I’d pulled a night shift already and my phone was dead and Xavier and I both left our chargers at home, and we didn’t have a chance to stop and charge anyways.”
Always an excuse. Always a valid excuse that he can find no fault with. But it isn’t fair. The people she works with—Tara, Xavier, Captain Jenna who she’s definitely a little in love with—get her attention and her time every hour of every day. If there’s a mission to do, she’ll drop everything and do it. And Rafayel gets the crumbs, the vacation days and the after hours, whenever she remembers him enough to spare her time.
What’s worse than that is the fear. He doesn’t let it show through text, always opting to send whatever he thinks will make her smile, but everytime hours pass without a response from her, fear seizes his poor heart. All the twisted and cruel things that could possibly happen to her start playing on repeat in his head.
“Rafayel,” she pleads, tilting her forehead against his temple. “Please, look at me?”
His chest burns hot.
When he finally looks up, he finds he’s absolutely correct in his hunch. She presents like a masterpiece, hair mussed from whatever fights Xavier clearly couldn’t protect her from. Her eyes shine tiredly, lighting up when they gaze into his. And Rafayel’s heart releases a painful thump, thump, thump because if he could spend eternity with her looking at him the way she is now, he’d easily live the rest of his immortal life the happiest person in the universe.
She leans down and pecks his lips apologetically. “I’m sorry for making you wait.”
(It’s what she always does.)
“It’s what you always do,” he says, not harsh but definitely blasé enough to make her wince. “Why should this time be any different?”
A sigh escapes her, and he starts to feel that old guilt again. To hold her up to a standard because he fell in love with two other versions of her, and to give her grief for being late as though she wasn’t doing an incredibly important job keeping people safe—it’s not exactly fair. To either of them, but specifically to her.
And yet, it’s not like he spends his time with her imagining a princess running through the sands calling his name. This version of her makes his heart pound all the same, whether she’s absolutely beating his ass at the card game in the cafe, or resting her head on his shoulder from behind while he paints, or when she’s in his bed just like this.
The biggest similarity is that damn sick bleeding heart.
“What do I need to do for you to forgive me?” She tilts his chin up with her index finger, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw. Rafayel could never imagine being spoiled like this even if he was to be sitting on the throne in Lemuria right now, with jewels and gold surrounding him and beautiful maidens offering their hands. 
Somehow, this is more. Somehow, this is better.
“There’s nothing you can do,” he answers flatly, “and there’s nothing I can do. So let me be mad at you in peace.”
Her response is to brush the bangs from his forehead and drop a kiss to his forehead as well. “You make me feel like I’m in high school all over again,” she teases quietly, a small smile playing on the corner of her lips now. “My teenage dream.”
He groans. “Don’t—“
“Let’s go all the way, tonight, no regrets, just love,” she sings, and her voice is a little pitchy but Rafayel could listen to it all day, “we can dance, until we die, you and I, we’ll be young forever!”
How very wrong she is about that last part. It’s almost funny. 
Someone with such a weak heart shouldn’t be this cocky.
“Is this my punishment?” His nose wrinkles. “To hear you sing terrible renditions of already overplayed songs?”
Her giggle is the real music to his ears. “You’re an artist, you should know talent when you hear it.”
“I do,” he insists, realizing too late that he’s giving in. The lightness in his stomach is a bit frightening too. This is the same woman who carved out his heart. This is the same woman who needed to do nothing but flutter her lashes at him to make him give in to her any request. If, tomorrow, she were to ask him to rip his own scales from his body and place the bloody pieces in her palm, he’d do so without question.
Her hand comes up to rest on his cheek and he leans into it with a soft sigh almost on instinct. Such power she possesses, over the God of the Sea, and she’s the only person who would never even fathom abusing it. 
“You’re cold,” she murmurs, caressing his cheek. “Why do you always keep your house so cold?”
(So that she can warm him up so that she can warm him up so that she can warm him up so that she can warm him up so that she can warm him up so that she can—)
“It’s better for blood circulation.”
Her thumb gently brushes over his lower lip, like she’s mapping out her quest to treasure. “That’s like, objectively not true, Raf. My friend’s a doctor, he told me that cold is better for short-term pain and warmth is better for—“
“If you’re cold,” he interrupts, “get under the sheets.”
A brilliant, blinding smile lights up her face as she does just that, slipping under next to him and laying down at a slightly elevated level so she can tuck his head into her chest. Warmth runs through him like a flood, even the leather of her uniform is comforting because it’s smooth and light and smells just like her. Her lips press to the top of his head.
“I really am sorry,” she whispers, running her fingers through his hair, “I’ll do my best to text you and let you know next time, okay?”
And if she doesn’t, Rafayel thinks, curling into her more, they will still end up like this, quiet words and mutual teasing, memories of the past that he will forever be cursed by and she will never be burdened with, a heart that dances to the tune of her commands, wrapped up in each other, and absolutely nothing will change.
Because who really has a weak heart?
(It’s not her.)
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sage-green-matcha · 9 months
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FIGHT OR FLIGHT - ETHAN LANDRY ✈️
“It’s my move, fight or flight?” - Conan Gray
Content includes: gf! Ethan Landry, angst, betrayal…slight mention of reader getting horny ab sweaty Ethan (relatable) 😭
A/n: I literally adore Conan sm! I’ve been a fan of him for years and idk why I haven’t written anything based off his work! Hope u enjoy :)
<3
<3
<3
Well, fight or flight...I'd rather die than have to cry in front of you.
You swore your heart stopped as ghost face revealed himself. Ethan Landry, the so-called love of your life. The signs flashed in your face, but you were too in love to care.
"Y/n, hi sweet thing" You felt too betrayed to respond. All you felt was regret, anger, sadness. It filled every pore in your body and you felt like your heart was being stabbed thousands of times. God, you felt so stupid. You should've known. You shouldn't have let your heart get in the way of things.
Fight or flight?
Ethan knew it probably wasn't a good idea, to make you choose between him or your friends. But he did know you loved him, and he had manipulated you enough for you to think he was the only one who would ever love you.
"Come on Y/n, get the easy way out. It's life or death here" Quinn taunted you with her knife, Ethan watching you with curiosity.
"Y/n, don’t go with them. We can beat them together” Your eyes were watering, Sam’s figure blurry as she talked to you. "I can't, I can't pick" the answers was obvious. You had to pick your friends. But something inside of you told you to go with Ethan.
I'd rather lie than tell you I'm in love with you.
"We're waiting Y/n. Come on babe, you know you love me. I love you, I always will and I always have. Don't tell me all our time spent together meant nothing to you"
You didn’t want to admit it, that you loved him. He meant everything to you, but did you still feel the same after he revealed himself? You weren’t sure.
You knew you shouldn't listen, but it was so tempting. It felt wrong, to feel your core heat up at the sight of Ethan’s sweaty face. He looked so hot with a knife in his hand.
You started to question your sanity. He’s a killer, he killed Anika and who knows how many other people? But…he was your killer.
“What’s it gonna be Y/n?” You stood in between Ethan and Sam and Tara. “Don’t do it Y/n, please” Mascara ran down Tara’s cheeks, her hair and face sweaty.
You glanced back at the sisters before walking towards Ethan, cuddling yourself into his arms. “Y/n? Please, why?” Their lips spilled with cries, feeling betrayed by your decision.
“Shut up” Quinn’s words came out angrily, frustration shutting the sisters up.
“That’s my girl, now sit and look pretty while we work” He placed a kiss on your head and then your lips. The taste of blood in his mouth made you feel sick.
“Fuck you, Y/n. Hope you fucking burn in hell” Sam’s words hurt, but they wouldn’t mean anything after she was dead. This was the only way to survive. Also, you had the one thing you’d always wanted, Ethan Landry.
It's my move, fight or flight?
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ratsonastick · 2 months
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could you do jock!clarisse x nerd!(fem)reader and like clarisse bullies reader but then they somehow like each other at the end! idk if this makes sense but i loved your other fics of clarisse! tyyy xxx
Jock!Clarisse La Rue x NerdFem!Reader
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AN - Hey! Sorry, this took me so long to answer I didn't notice I had a request!!
I also don't know If you want this as a modern HC or camp .... so we are gonna do Modern and kinda mix it up! xoxo - Emma
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Clarisse was someone everyone knew about, she was the star on the field for the hammer throw (Which for those who dont know is when you throw a heavy ball in the air and you try to make it go a far distance … requires a LOT of upper arm muscles) 
Everyone admired her, but you? You hate her. She always had something to say, especially ever since the day that you said no to givng her the homework answers. 
Every since that day she always picked on you, saying something that made you roll your eyes and tell her to get lost. 
If you havent figured it out yet the reason why this all started was because dhe thought you were smart … everyone does, and thats why she had asked you for the answers. She though you would have said yes, an easy target, but she was mistaken when she realized how stubborn you are.
“What is the answer to this.” You heard a voice ask, disturbing your peaceful evening in the library. “When will you ever stop.” You mumbled, not even having to look up to realize it was Clarisse. 
“Once you give me the answers” She answered with a roll to her eyes as if you should have already known the answer. 
You stood up grabbing your book but before you fully stepped away from the table you grabbed your notebook before she could grab it which made her sigh. Getting up she followed you as you walked down the dark isles of books, dim lights following the two of you. 
“Don't you have practice to get to?” you asked softly stopping abruptly which caused her to almost crash into you, “stalking me Y/n? How do you know I got practice.” She asked, not stopping the smirk that covered her face.
You turned to look at her, an annoyed look on your face “Everyone knows when you have practice… don't go thinking you're so special now.” you mumbled starting to walk again but she cut off your exit by standing in front of you and raising her arms. “Where are you going so soon?” she asked a piece of her hair falling in her face and for a moment you felt something change in your stomach, maybe it was a fear or maybe it was butterflies. 
“Clarisse … move.” You mumbled, looking to meet her in the eyes but she shook her head “Give me the answers.” She spoke clearly, her smile dropping “I told you, Clarisse, keep dreaming.” she rolled her eyes and shook her head “I don't think you understand” 
“I don't understand? You're the one who keeps trying to get answers from me even when I say no. if you don't understand the work then maybe you could ask me for help instead.” You spoke back with more of an annoyed voice, pushing her arms down which felt so strong in your grasp, and then walked away. 
She followed your figure as you walked, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned her weight onto one hip. “You’ll regret this.” She yelled out and you just waved her off. 
The next day you continued your life as usual, but this time you felt more people staring at you. It wasn't until your friend stopped you in the hallway did you found out why “Is it true?” she asked to which you looked at her with a puzzled look “Is what true?” you mumbled and she seemed even more confused “that you made a move on Clarisse.” 
You stopped for a moment “Hello? Clarisse? The girl I hate with all my life? No way.” you let out a chuckle at the thought, but you couldn’t help the shake in your hands increase. You didn't know who made this rumor, or why they did it in the first place. 
You have no issues with anyone (Except Clarisse) always trying to help others (Except Clarisse) theres no reason as to why someone would make such a weird rumor. 
Later that day you found yourself in the library again, helping the librarian put the books away. You were on the top floor that no one ever really went to unless it was to make out. You looked outside the window and saw the teams playing on the field, Clarisse and her teammates had finished up because you saw her swinging her bag over her shoulder and walking off towards the library. 
You let out an annoyed sigh hoping she wouldn't find you, but just as you thought of her you sweard she looked up at you. 
So you quickly pushed the cart forward so you weren't in front of the window anymore.
It didn't take long for her to find you, you turned down an aisle and saw her standing there leaning against the shelf. “Can I help you?” you asked as you grabbed a book and traced the shelf until you found a spot for it. 
“Just wanted to see if you liked the little rumor?” she smiled coming closer to you “Oh yeah it was very clever” you spoke with a shrug as you walked down the aisle moving so you wouldn't hit her “All the teams were talking about it at practice.” You felt embarrassed for a moment but just shrugged your shoulders. 
“Okay … oh and by the way Mrs.Cofin wants me to help you in English.” You mumbled as you turned back to look at her, her smirk wiped off. “What! You little shit why didn’t you say no!”
She yelled and you quickly hushed her “Don't you think I wanted to! I have no choice, if you don't pass her class you'll be kicked off the time. I’m doing you and the school a favor.” 
You spoke annoyed, a frown on your face as she licked her lip and rolled her eyes, “Fine” she grumbled and walked off which made you shake your head. 
The next day you were back in the Library, top floor for privacy as you sat at a small table. Clarisse showed up late which didnt surprise you, she flung her bag onto the floor and leaned on the psalm of her hand. 
You started to explain things to her looking over the notes the teacher had given you to help her. Clarisse couldn't help but not listen, she just stared at you with annoyance, but after a while, it started to feel like she was looking at you for another reason. 
“Okay do you understand that?” you asked and she nodded her head, adverting her gaze from you and instead at the paper. “Yeah… yeah I understand” she spoke softly. 
These tutoring sessions continued for the next few weeks, and even though it sucked, it started to feel like you both hated each other less.
She started to listen to what you said, and you took the time to learn about her sport so when she complained you understood what she was saying. 
You both still made fun of each other, bickered often, and rolled your eyes at each other, but you both couldn't help it, it's just how it's always been. 
But Clarisse picked on you less, smiled at you in the hallway, and always acknowledged your presence, and thats all you've ever needed from her. 
One day something in the air made you think differently about her, and the thoughts made your stomach flutter. It didn't help that your friend started to tease you in the hallway about the possibility of her taking you to the upcoming prom since the two of you got along. 
When you saw her walk past you in the hallway when you were with your friend, you couldn't help but follow her with your eyes, and when she smiled at you, your friend just watched you and how you reacted and let out a squeal when she saw you blush.
That afternoon you hated yourself, why did you like the girl that always had it out for you. 
As you waited for her in the library, you laid your head down on the table, you wouldn't even work out if you started dating anyways. The two of you are complete opposites, and even know that you are semi-friends you still bicker, it would be a bad relationship. 
Plus you saw her with that boy Ryan, so she probably doesn't even like girls. 
You were snapped out of your thoughts when you felt someone tapped your head and sat down. You raised your gaze and watched as she got herself comfortable in her seat “What's wrong with you today?” she asked with a sigh as she finally stopped to look at you. 
“Nothing … just thinking.” 
“When are you not.” she snickered, but as she looked back at you, and realized you seemed actually upset her smile dropped. 
“Okay … that's enough, just tell me what's wrong so you'll start yapping and we can end tutoring early,” she spoke up leaning back in the chair, her hand playing with the pencil she took from you 2 days ago.
"It's nothing really. Just something my friend said.” You mumbled shaking your head and opening your notebook. “Really? What’d she say.” Clarisse spoke a bit harsher sitting up in her chair. “I can do something.” 
You shook your head “No! You don't have to do anything … it's not like we are together you don't have to take care of me.” You mumbled which made you mentally smack yourself ... who says that!
She paused and watched you as you flipped through your pages “Okay but what if I want to.”
You paused and looked at her confused “Want to what?” 
“Take care of you,” she answered, a serious look on her face. You let out a short chuckle and looked away from her “You don't want to.”
“But I do.” She answered, you noticed how she sat up more, something she did when she was getting defensive, her knuckles turned slightly white as she clenched her hands, the rings cutting off some of her circulation. 
"you really don't" you mumbled trying to convince yourself she didn't for some reason
“Says who,” she replied, her face still straight which confused you. Clarisse was being honest she wanted to help you, this whole time she always wanted to and the only reason she picked on you was that she knew no one else would, you were hers only. 
“Says you Clarisse, you hate me.” You replied, scrunching your eyebrows in confusion as if you had missed something. 
She scoffed “I thought you were smart.” She dropped the pencil on the table and slouched in the chair, her arms crossing over her stomach as her legs widened. 
Your mouth slightly opened and you shook your head back, confused “I'm sorry … did I miss something?” you asked and she scoffed “Yeah maybe the part where I like you! Do you really think I would’ve complied with these tutoring sessions if I didn't?” 
“Uhm yeah … your sport-” She cut you off “ That I dont care about.” 
“Okay, but the rumor-” She cut you off again “Was only created so people thought you were only into me so no one would go after you.”
You sat there dumfounded for a few moments, “Oh” 
“Oh” she answered back, she looked away for a moment “So I’m guessing you dont like me?” 
You closed your eyes and shook your head “Okay woah woah woah … lets slow down partener.” you raised your hands slightly and opened your eyes to see her smiling, inching closer to you. 
Before you knew it her lips were on yours, and you had your arms wrapped around her shoulders. You never thought you would be one of those people who would be found making out in the library, yet here you are. 
A nerd and a jock, opposites attract I suppose. 
Anywho after a few moments she finally pulled back, a smile gracing her red lips that were plum from the kiss. “So I’ll take that as a yes?” 
“A yes to what?” you asked still in a bet of a haze “A yes to being my prom date.” 
“Oh yeah”
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