#and not people who have personal regrets but still love and support the trans community
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Ok now under a read more but here’s major’s thoughts on bodies and shit
So I came across someone who is in the process of de–transitioning on Instagram, which made me wary at first because. You know. But it’s really refreshing to just see One Person instead of a static used against people. To hear one singular real person talk about their journey which people in the comments said was akin to a different kind of transition. And how media does not do them justice.
It takes a lot of courage to come out as trans. To figure out so much on your own and then be faced with such hatred and doubt and riddle. To find who you are in the fire and hope you come out alive on the other side.
It takes a lot of courage to say “I actually don’t like this change I’ve made” after however long of talking about it and being on hormones or even having regret with surgery. It’s framed as a reason to keep trans people locked down but that’s not fair. To be unhappy with your identity and to want to change despite how you might’ve felt before. To maybe have overshot where you wanted to be and needing to find a middle ground. To search for your identity in the rubble of what you thought you wanted and trying to find all the pieces.
Being trans is not evil. Detransitioning / transition remix is not evil. Whats evil is using people’s very vulnerable emotions and thoughtfulness of their OWN BODY as a weapon against a community while also MOTHER caring about “this important group that sheds light on the truth of transitioning” outside of using them as a platform to step on.
Had they not detransitioned they’d be back on the chopping block. If they weren’t vocal about their regret and were causal about it they’d be poster children for “getting un-needed surgery like it’s a game”
There are people who have detransitioned who are not kind to the trans community and that sucks. But there’s trans people who aren’t kind to other trans people either. It’s bad because those people are being used for a hateful agenda and people don’t actually care about their journey or lives outside of how it can be weaponized. And it must suck to want to talk about your regrets and changes and how you’re gonna move forward and your words always being used as a gotcha and not what it truly is which is your personal experience
Anyway it was really good for me to see. The media won’t show you allies when talking about those who detransitioned and we have to remember that it’s done like that on Purpose
#trans rights#detransitioners#people deserve to find their path to happiness without it being used as a weapon#there are many trans people who live long full happy lives and regret nothing#human beings are never just One thing#people regret having children and that’s not something you can remove or change once they’re born#that won’t cause severe damage#people smoke for years and years but cigarettes are sold everywhere#talking about what didn’t work and how they were hurt should not be a stepping stone for bigots#it’s telling how it’s always the people who regret it and ALSO want to stop it forever#and not people who have personal regrets but still love and support the trans community#it’s hard to ‘Go Back on your word’ when you change#we see it with small shit like taste in music or headcanons#‘I thought you hated potatoes so you’re a liar’#no bitch they changed their mind which they’re allowed to do without needing a council#I find myself feeling dumb for changing my views on character dynamics and I block ppl easily so what am I worried about#anyway don’t let the media lie to you and remember most people are kind#which is why we don’t see them in these kinds of headlines and studies
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advice on how to get over the fear that t is going to make me ugly? or that i’m going to miss “the old me”
i’m a queer trans guy and i’ve been questioning going on t for years now and i know i definitely want bottom growth, body fat redistribution and more body hair.
but im err on the side of face and voice changes. i’m scared of disliking my new voice and suddenly growing dysphoric over it (i dont have too much voice dysphoria now) and disliking how my new face will look. i’m kinda genderfluid as well so it’s complicated. but i don’t want to go my whole life without knowing what it’s like to be on hrt. but i can’t get over the fear of looking/finding myself ugly and undesirable and losing my community... which is ironic cuz i find other trans men attractive as hell. i discussed this in therapy and i still feel this way :/
i wish there was a way for me to start without telling anyone and then breaking the news when i’m experiencing changes and feeling more confident about it. i have my gender dysphoria diagnosis and i can start if i want to, but i need my family’s financial support. i don’t want to make it a big deal since it’s just something i’d be trying out to feel more like myself in certain ways.
sorry this turned into a long ass rant and you don’t have to reply but i’m just gonna kindly leave it in the ask box 💀
There's a post that goes like "all of life is irreversible. i cannot go back a single second" and I think thats something good to keep in mind when you are thinking through this. You are already living with a body that has changed and will continue to change in ways largely out of your control. You are already living in a post-irreversible-alteration body.
If you do go on T and find you don't like how your voice sounds: for one, you can stop at any time (& if you haven't checked out microdosing as an option, you should). But two: plenty of people live with a deeper voice than they want. Plenty of people live with facial hair they dislike. You can pursue the same therapies and procedures they do. Or maybe you don't, and you find ways to live with a voice or face you aren't totally in love with.
So much detransition fearmongering, especially directed at transmascs & assoc. trans people, heavily relies on the specter of the fallen woman, itself steeped in trans-misogyny & intersexism. The idea that, for one, a "woman" who has mixed-sex features is ugly and undesirable, and two, that a "woman" made undesirable is forever doomed to be miserable and worthless. The transphobic story of detransition keeps our bodies stuck in this moment of revulsion and regret, narratively preventing us as characters from being able to move on and live happy lives in atypical bodies. Even if you do regret/dislike some things about T, you are not forever stuck in that feeling. The story does not stop at that! You will just keep living and find new ways of dealing with your bodily feelings!
The social aspect of this is a bit more complicated but I also have some firsthand experience with it. Because, as mentioned before, there's a lot of transphobic misogyny/misogynistic transphobia that affects transmascs & others who go on T, who have to confront the feeling of losing your potential desirability. And then there's also the way many people are treated after going on T, facing a whole new area of bodily scrutiny: you may suddenly have people making comments about how someone needs to force teenage boys to shave because their facial hair is a personal offense. I went from being self-conscious about how high my voice was to being self-conscious about how undeniably trans my voice was. And, specifically, my facial hair, voice changes, etc. were all signs of my transmasculine desire, and I became self-conscious about how obvious it was that I desired being trans, I desired this body. I could no longer let everyone pretend I was a cishet girl at family gatherings and avoid confronting these issues, because I had essentially written I WANT TO BE A TRANNY all over my physical form.
This is something I'm still struggling with myself. I, like many other queer & autistic people, already struggled with feeling desirable or worthy of being seen alongside conventionally attractive cishet people who could act normal. Being visibly trans, and taking a huge step away from the desirable cis-perisex-girl body, can really open up that can of worms. Especially being genderfluid/genderqueer! Because we often cannot find a comfortable space for ourselves within the conventions of attractiveness for cis men, like some binary trans men are able to.
But ultimately, I don't regret going on T at all. I would have had body issues regardless, and I got a lot out of going on T. I think mentally preparing yourself to struggle with these things, and seeking out other transmasc people, is a big help. Again: all of life is irreversible. we cannot go back a single second. We are already living in imperfect bodies we struggle to love or see as worthy. If you know you want some of the things T can offer, and you don't want to go your whole life without knowing, then just do it. Dive in, and don't feel any shame if you decide to get out. Just keep living and finding ways to live better right now.
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I think a lot of transfemme culture is formed and cultivated by how we were rejected and desperately tried to fit it.
like, take transfemme memes. a lot of memes are about how broad generalizations such as "trans women do this thing", the thing being computer programming or enjoying a particular video game. and while I won't deny that a lot of trans women do those things, the vast majority don't. so why are things like programmer socks and fallout new vegas and bionicals and gundam so popular with trans women despite them not being universally applicable?
I think it might have to do with our being rejected as kids and how we would do everything we could to try and be accepted by others.
maybe this only applies to me. I'm definitely not trying to make a broad generalization to explain other broad generalizations. I'm basing this primarily on my experiences.
but when I was in middle school and high school, I used to lie about watching certain movies or playing certain games even when I didn't. I could have been because my parents wouldn't let me, I couldn't afford them, or I just wasn't actually interested. but most of what I was interested was very niche nerdy things like anime and computers and math and art. but in a desperate attempt to join in conversations and make friends, I would lie and say I was interested in the popular things so other people would accept me.
now, years later, the internet connects us and helps us explore our nerdy interests much more. I remember I was the only person at high school who cared at all about undertale, but then I found tumblr and whole communities online who would talk about the game I played. they also got me interested in things I never would have been into otherwise. transgender people online got me into star wars (which I regret) and evangelion (which I also regret but not as much). and there are some things that I've never experienced, but still know about due to cultural osmosis. I know a lot about fallout new vegas and magic the gathering and ultrakill despite never playing them. I would consider myself part of those fandoms despite never really interacting with the content, just because I have so many online trans friends who are into those things.
I think that the most popular things just happened to become transfemme memes due to how many nerdy trans people unapologetically love them online, and people who have never experienced them but are friends with the people who do love them agree with them to fit in.
I'm not saying this is a bad thing. it's perfectly fine to be part of a fandom or community even if you don't have a huge interest in it just to be with your friends. I'm not super interested in ttrpgs, but I still play just because I like hanging out with my friends.
computer programming is popular in trans women circles not because all trans women are computer programmers. it's popular because it's a booming industry and the small percentage of trans women who are computer programmers really enjoy it and talk about it online, and their online friends support them and agree with them even if they aren't computer programmers themselves.
idk. I forget where I was going with this. I just think it's really nice how trans women, and honestly the entire queer community as a whole, tends to support each other's niche interests and uplift each other.
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What's your take on Detransitioners? /genq
They are just like anyone else who has tried out something life-changing and decided it wasn't for them.
People act like we don't make life-altering decisions every day. People pretend that transition is a uniquely "altering" experience, when it's absolutely not.
Note: Just because someone detransitions does not mean they are not trans. Some trans people have to detransition for various reasons. Being a detransitioner doesn't make you "not trans". The only thing that makes you trans or not trans is your opinion of yourself.
There are detransitioners who still feel a tight-knit association with the queer community, and there are malicious detransitioners who decided to take their regret and turn it into a weapon against their former community.
I, as a trans person, fully support detransitioners who want to seek support from the trans community and from trans resources. Detransition can sometimes involve the same time and money transition required in the first place, and I think folks deserve aid for that. Realizing transition is not for you can mean a person requires mental health support, too. Detransitioners deserve friends, community, support, healing, and love.
I, as a trans person, want nothing to do with a detransitioner who decides that because they regret their choice, my choice should be taken away. They are no better than a pro-lifer at that point.
Radfems and gender criticals do not give a fuck about detransitioners as people or as individuals. They are interested in detransitioners only as puppets to trot out to prove the "harm" of transition. The more traumatized the detransitioner, the happier the radfem is, because that makes them an even more potent tool for their agenda.
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I hope this isn’t weird or something that I should just deal with on my own and all that, so I apologize in advance because this is incredibly recent and I’m still hurting and trying to figure out what to do next.
One of my friends of quite a while now turned out to be a massive fuckin transphobe. Yippie. The thing is, he’s fully in support of the non-straight side of the queer community, always has been, but apparently that’s where he draws the line, and I just learned that today, and it sucks. It sucks so much that someone I really cared about turns out to be a kinda terrible person who ended up saying some incredibly hurtful and disrespectful things when it all came to light.
But the thing is, while the trans hatred is DEFINITELY there, it all seems to be stemming from a place of generational hatred and ignorance because he just can’t see how his actions and words are hurtful. It turns malicious when he’s pushed, as I learned the hard way, but I feel the root of it is simply ignorance.
We got in an argument via text, which, of course, is always the worst way to do things but it was a normal conversation that went downhill incredibly quickly and I’m like 3+ hours away so we can’t hash it out in person and I wasn’t willing to just go and call.
For your uh. Viewing displeasure. I’d send screenshots (and can, if you’d like additional context) but people who have a stake in this are very likely to see this and I don’t particularly want my name attached without anon.
I didn't say that transgender people are mistakes, and I didn't mean to suggest that. People can make the mistake into believing that they are who they are not
Yes, I don't believe a transwoman is a real woman. They are biological differences between both man and woman that can't be changed
Cue me going on a bit of a tangent about suicide rates, Trevor project, intersex people being a thing, what transitioning is like, etc etc. I was pissed, I was hurt, and I admit my first reaction was anger but I also think I did a very good job of keeping calm, explaining things, while also trying to impress upon him just how incredibly shitty saying those things is
Why are you so mad? I just wanted to open up to you. I didn't mean to sound rude or anything like that
Upon which I explained that I’ve lost friends to suicide and yet again how problematic some of his statements have been
I think we both need some time to think about this
I don't. I know exactly where I stand with this issue and who I care for and what it means to me personally. You're more than welcome to call so we can talk about it that way, if that's what you'd prefer or what would help you
It seems like things right now are a bit heated, I just want to talk about when things have calmed down
If that's what you need in order to decide whether you support trans people or not, go ahead. As I said, I know exactly what my opinion on this is, and it's on the side of the people whose beliefs don't disrespect certain people's existence
I respect and love everybody, but I'm not going to change my values or beliefs because they "disrespect" other people's values or beliefs
Which… yeah. That’s where it left off. Other shit was said, other shit went down, and I stand by everything and don’t regret it, even if this guy used to be my friend.
But as I said, I very much feel that this is coming from a place of ignorance and having been taught by religious, queerphobic parents, having very little experience to the queer world and having no understanding of our history, our pain, and the battles we’re still fighting. I believe he genuinely doesn’t see how his words are hurtful and how his actions genuinely cause issues and how his words are the things that drive trans people to suicide and hatred.
Which is what I’m reaching out for, what can I do, I don’t want to cut him off because I don’t want to abandon him to be a hateful person because I believe everyone, however horrible their beliefs, can learn and grow and change, and I want to know any sort of resources or help or advice you have, anything to try to fight that ignorance-based disrespect and make him realize that they’re not just words and that his behavior isn’t just his personal beliefs, that his beliefs are genuinely harming other people.
Thank you, and much love to you. We all need a bit more kindness and love and acceptance right now with this world we live in.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend, and it's understandable that you feel deeply upset and betrayed. At this time, however, I don't think you have any obligation to "educate" him or do more than you have already done. If this is a friendship-ending issue, well... it sucks, but it is what it is. If you want to, you can communicate that he's welcome to reach out to you again if his feelings change. Otherwise, it's not your responsibility to continue or spend extra time trying to talk him around. It's something that people either accept or they don't, and while feelings can evolve, it's usually something that will happen with time and space and on their own accord. So yeah. It's up to you whether you want to signal that you're up for further communication or not, if you want to take some time to let feelings heal, or if you don't want to continue being friends with someone who feels that way. Either way, it's not your responsibility to endlessly try to talk him around. Make a decision about what you feel comfortable with, set that boundary, and do your best. It sucks, but such is life sometimes. Alas.
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Me growing up and realizing my robot story is literally how I coped growing into an adult and coming to terms with being disabled, gay, trans, and having PTSD.
In my first draft of Mechtyra, the main character, Alex Sendale, is inside the castle when he suddenly feels his chest tighten, his breathing is restricted, he feels sweaty and hot and cold, and he literally doubles over with emotion, then stands up entirely confused just seconds later, and forgets why he was feeling this way at all. I was around 13 when I wrote that scene, and had never heard the term "panic attack". So I didn't use it, I simply put into great detail what Alex felt and experienced, and how it affected him.
For the entire time leading up to the turning point of the novel, Alex receives nightmares. Constantly. Every time he sleeps. They're of his personal shame, his failures, and the very one who caused them all to happen. This entity haunts Alex relentlessly, and he never feels free, and he fears going to sleep to the point he'll stay awake for days at a time until his body literally collapses in exhaustion and he sleeps against his will. I had no idea these were symptoms of PTSD when I was 12 years old, but it's what I was going through. So without terminology, I once again wrote in extreme detail how Alex experienced fear that pierced his very soul and mind and paralyzed him. And eventually he stands up, he learns to fight back against his personified shame and regret, in the form of the entity that appears in his nightmares each night. The big finish of the novel is Alex facing this thing in reality, alongside his friends, who've helped him all this way to become stronger and learn to fight, and he lands the killing blow, defeating the creature once and for all. This is me defeating my inner demons, and recovering. Saying I won't let the past control me and dictate my future, therein affecting the futures of those around me.
Alex finds his home on Mechtyra, with Mechtyrians, and finds that he relates to them more than Humans. And in multiple stages throughout the novel, he begins transforming into a Mechtyrian himself, until, finally, he takes on the full form of one by the end of the novel. And Humanity looks at him strangely, confused, not understanding his change. Why has this man forsaken what he was born as, to become something so foreign and different? What was wrong with himself before? Some Humans acknowledge Alex's change, and they support him. But most are angry, resentful, and feel he has betrayed them. However, the Mechtyrians embrace Alex completely for everything he is, welcome him home, love him as his truest self wherein Alex is finally satisfied with what he looks like, and he knows there is no mistaking him for what he is. Still, some Humans refuse to say he is really actually a Mechtyrian. He wasn't born this way. He became what he is now. And of course, birth defines the entirety of your identity, and dictates what you are forever regardless of how much you change. This was me coming out as a man, experiencing transphobia. This was my struggle and still is. It's me finding home and safety with the trans community, versus the cisnormative society that we live in.
Alex falls in love with a Mechtyrian who is the best medic on that planet. His name is Xefyr. The two rescue each other in countless ways throughout the novel. Each night, Xefyr appears in Alex's nightmares, and helps him defeat Gladrious, the main villain of the book. But during wake, Alex helps Xefyr come to terms with himself, his responsibilities, and shows Xefyr that he is, in fact, important. Amongst a pantheon of over 100 gods, Xefyr still means something to a lot of people in his life. He matters, and to Alex, he is everything. The two coexist, and literally keep fighting for each other's sake, and well-being, despite wanting to give up and die. Neither can for several reasons. But they learn to fall in love with life and find beauty in it despite the hardships and trauma it's caused. This is me doing the same. Fighting my suicidal thoughts caused by incessant trauma that doesn't go away even years later. I've learned to see the beauty in the small things throughout many years, and to cherish the moments of joy and peace more than I suffer from the hardships of life. Just as Alex and Xefyr look to the future with one another and see hope, I look to my future myself and see light. It may be far away sometimes, but it's there nonetheless.
The entire novel uses the metaphor of light. Alex weaponizes the element of light itself, and uses it to fight back against every enemy that stands in his way, each of which represents something or someone once important to himself, but he shines brighter than the shadows they cast, and he keeps moving forward with the fight until it's over. This is me fighting through everything and everyone who has ever hurt me, and showing I am bigger than them. I am me. I am my own light, my own sun, and I shine to guide myself onto my own path. I am not controlled by those who tried to take hold. I am more than them. I am me.
And I won't say who, but there's a specific character who hurt Alex especially in the novel. And this character, they turn out to be a traitor at one point. It's entirely unexpected, it's not hinted at whatsoever in the current draft, and I don't want to hint at it for any reason. It comes as a surprise to readers, so that they feel the fear and dread Alex feels when he learns this truth as well. Someone who he thought supported and cared for him, and others for that matter, is anything but. And not a soul in the universe suspected this or saw it coming. This is me coping with the people I've lost who were once close to me, VERY close, but they ended up supporting all the horrible world-ending things and working for them to actively hurt people like myself, and basically everyone in the end. It's about the two faces of which you maintain, the one being the face you wear when alone, and the other is that which you wear around anyone else. Only the individual knows their full truth, their ambition and desire and state of being. And it's always a shock when others find this truth about those closest to them, whether for better or worse. But here I vent my horrors of finding the absolute worst about those around me, and how it affects me so deeply and is so unexpected.
Basically in the end, my novel has grown with me. It's become its truest self as I have done the same. It's shown my life as I've grown, and am still growing. Through characters which each hold an aspect of myself, I express my life and my progress, the setbacks and experiences I've been through, and it's helped me come to terms as I've gotten older with who I am and what has made me this way. And I have to wonder what the coming years of rewriting this novel as its current draft will reveal to me about myself.
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Top, screen capture from Aftersun, directed by Charlotte Wells, 2022. Via. Bottom, screen capture from the program Open Door, 1973–83, still from a TV show on BBC2. “North West Spanner Theatre Group: Born Free Trapped Ever After,” 1980. Via.
Contrary to the US public-access television that inspired it, which was narrowcast on local cable stations, Open Door was broadcast nationwide on a channel with a directive to act in the interest of the country. Anyone could propose an episode so long as they were not promoting a political party. Those selected were paired with a producer and crew for technical assistance but ostensibly retained full editorial control. Prison abolitionists, sex educators, fox-hunt saboteurs, punk fanzine–makers, single parents, vegans, community-theater enthusiasts, trans advocates, supporters of Palestinian liberation, women suffering from cystitis: They all reached millions. (This last group, the U & I Club, received thousands of letters from viewers.) Not all causes showcased were progressive. While individual episodes of Open Door were free from the requirement of “balance” mandated by the BBC charter, when taken as a whole, the series was meant to be inclusive of a wide spectrum of opinions. Absent from “People Make Television” was a 1976 episode by the British Campaign to Stop Immigration, a group linked to the extreme-right National Front party. Included was one by the Campaign for the Feminine Woman warning of the dangers of “unisex culture,” something “more menacing and damaging . . . than either communism or fascism.”
Erika Balsom, from on “People Make Television”, in THE SCREEN AGE: VIDEO’S PAST AND FUTURE, for Artforum, May 2023.
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Straight culture’s orientation toward heteroromantic sacrifice is also influenced by socioeconomic class. Respect for sacrifice—or sucking it up and surviving life’s miseries—is one of the hallmarks of white working-class culture, for instance, wherein striving for personal happiness carries less value than does adherence to familial norms and traditions. Maturity and respectability are measured by what one has given up in order to keep the family system going, an ethos that is challenged by the presence of a queer child, for instance, who insists on “being who they are.” Queerness—to the extent that it emphasizes authenticity in one’s sexual relationships and fulfillment of personal desires—is an affront to the celebration of heteroromantic hardship. As Robin Podolsky has noted, “What links homophobia and heterosexism to the reification of sacrifice . . . is the specter of regret. Queers are hated and envied because we are suspected of having gotten away with something, of not anteing up to our share of the misery that every other decent adult has surrendered to.”
For many lesbian daughters of working-class straight women, opting out of heterosexuality exposes the possibility of another life path, begging the question for mothers, “If my daughter didn’t have to do this, did I?” Heterosexuality is compulsory for middle-class women, too, but more likely to be represented as a gift, a promise of happiness, to be contrasted with the ostensibly “miserable” life of the lesbian. The lesbian feminist theorist Sara Ahmed has offered a sustained critique of the role of queer abjection in the production of heteroromantic fantasies. In Living a Feminist Life, she notes that “it is as if queers, by doing what they want, expose the unhappiness of having to sacrifice personal desires . . . for the happiness of others.” In the Promise of Happiness, Ahmed argues, “Heterosexual love becomes about the possibility of a happy ending; about what life is aimed toward, as being what gives life direction or purpose, or as what drives a story.” Marked by sacrifice, misery, and failure along the way, the journey toward heterosexual happiness (to be found with the elusive “good man”) remains the journey.
Jane Ward, from The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, September 2020. Via.
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So another thing I love about Heartstopper is the way the three primary relationships complement each other in their stages and conflicts.
Tara and Darcy: These two have been together for awhile already, but despite that, they’re still encountering new struggles related to their relationship. While they love each other and are overall happy to be out as a couple, Tara is confronted by how overwhelmed and unprepared she feels by personally being out, in contrast to Tara, who has been out for years. Tara initially struggles to talk about it and makes Darcy worry that she regrets it, but they’re better off when Tara opens up. Despite already having been out, Darcy is supportive of Tara’s struggles and emphasizes how she herself doesn’t know what she’s doing either.
Charlie and Nick: These two are of course started their relationship fairly recently and neither have dated before. They’re mutually learning how to function within a relationship, both in itself and with the added complexity of Charlie being out and Nick being in the closet. Charlie is struggling with self-worth due to both past bullying but especially being used and treated as disposable by Ben. Nick is struggling with his identity but especially with guilt over being in the closet when Charlie isn’t, especially after what happened with Ben. Despite all that, Charlie always checks in with Nick to be sure he’s doing things, especially coming out, because he genuinely wants to, and he’s aggressively supportive of Nick taking his time and reassures him he’s nothing like Ben. Nick in turn is always telling Charlie how much he likes him, countering Charlie’s needless apologies, and making sure Charlie knows exactly the level of love and respect he deserves--even when it doesn’t paint himself in a positive light, such as when he apologizes for accepting the date with Imogen and makes sure Charlie acknowledges he was in the wrong. They’re also better off when they openly communicate their feelings and worries.
Elle and Tao: These two are mutually crushing but neither have explicitly made a move, rather they’ve just had Moments. We don’t get Tao’s side of things, but we do know Elle is scared of jeopardizing her closest friendship and also is hesitant to let anything else change after all the other recent changes. Given that Tao’s arc is so heavily focused on fear of change and being left behind, it’s possible but not a given that his own lack of making a move is related to similar fears. Elle being trans is a complete non-issue, and no one even implies her being trans could even possibly be any sort of hindrance to the potential relationship.
Having these three relationships works so incredibly well because of the amazing spectrum of experiences they provide and how they play off each other. There’s a direct relationship between how long people have been together and their communications skills. Tara and Darcy have the easiest time opening up to each other, while Nick and Charlie are mostly open but sometimes don’t talk about big things like the relationship label, and Elle and Tao straight up aren’t talking about their feelings at all. Tara and Darcy’s main struggle is queer-related, Nick and Charlie are facing a combination of queer- and non-queer-related issues, and Elle and Tao’s relationship has nothing to do with queerness.
In addition, all of their relationships impact each other in meaningful ways. Tara and Darcy openly dating gives Nick more confidence in his identity, such as when he watches them kiss at Henry’s party before finding Charlie, talking to them leads to his first coming out, and Tara is explicitly supportive of Nick being in the closet and coming out when he’s ready, which ties into his personal arc. Nick and Charlie being together and how that impacts Charlie’s friend group is one of the ‘changes’ impacting Tao and Elle, but it also leads to Tao and Elle spending more alone time together, therefore creating both positive and negative impacts on them getting together. Elle crushing on Tao leads to the double date that enables Nick to come out to Elle, and Elle and Tao’s closeness leads to Tao finding out Charlie and Nick are dating.
All of these relationships play off each other in meaningful ways, but the most significant and my favorite is how Tara and Darcy openly dating affects Nick and Charlie. I adore how Tara validates Nick coming out at his own pace, and Nick drawing confidence from Tara and Darcy being out is so incredibly sweet and really highlights how the courage of individual queer people to be out uplifts other queer people (not that anyone is ever obligated to come out for that end goal!) and the general solidarity that allows queer people to survive in the face of queerphobia. It really goes back to how and why Heartstopper feels so unique. So much of media thinks that accurately representing queer struggles means going hard on queer suffering, but Heartstopper presents the much more accurate alternative: There are a variety of very real struggles that come with being queer, but they can be survived and thrived in the face of with a strong support network.
Charlie and Nick in and of themselves are wonderful, but their story would have suffered without these other relationships (including Isaac, who while not discussed here is a quiet aroace icon I would die for). All of these relationships, both romantic and platonic, make the show. This is why Heartstopper is different. Because it knows being queer isn’t a hindrance--it’s a thread connecting us. We don’t thrive in spite of queerness--we thrive because of it. Heartstopper gets that.
#heartstopper#charlie spring#nick nelson#tara jones#darcy olsson#tao xu#elle argent#osemanverse#heartstopper tv spoiler
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A thing I find absolutely fascinating about Spirit World #2 is the fact that it manages to bring up Constantine's difficult relationship with his father in a way that mirrors Xanthe's difficult relationship with their parents, and it's meant to be about that abuse... but because of the juxtaposition, it also manages to be implicit commentary on queer identity and the development of self as a queer child.
A lot of early Constantine is thematically implicit that some of his difficulty relating to his family comes from being queer and not knowing how to navigate relationships as a queer person, but there's nothing explicit that his father's abuse or neglect (or even his BIL hating him) has anything to do with that. You can argue that magic is a stand-in for queer identity in this case - and I think it comes across that way in Spirit World - but there's nothing explicit.
Still, though, a simple callback to that relationship as a comparison for Xanthe's struggle, and Constantine saying that he knows how they feel and being a sympathetic ear, works so well to flesh out both of their feelings, because this is such a noticeable trajectory in real life. Older mlm and younger trans people have such similar life experiences wrt laws, family dynamics, social myths and accusations, etc. and similar statistics surrounding their life histories. And there is a very real attempt for older mlm to be the support to younger trans people that they didn't have growing up. (Along with the broader effort of the queer community to create generational support structures that don't rely on nuclear families.)
It's just a quick panel and it doesn't even say much, it doesn't say anything that isn't established canon, but where it's situated within the story is just so dynamic it ends up saying everything. I love that this story has set Constantine back to his roots as a deeply empathetic, deeply political figure who's desperate for change in the world and will do anything he can to help. He really is the perfect mentor for Xanthe, given all the hard work he's put in to discover himself, and how non-judgemental he can be towards their journey, even if they make bad mistakes, even if they do things they later regret a lot.
And the fact that Xanthe doesn't know that yet, appreciates the comfort but doesn't understand how deep the compassion goes, and is just like, dude what's wrong with you? Perfection.
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For me on a personal level, becoming a part of the LGBTQ+ community was always a bit of a slow burn. It took me a bit of time before I really felt comfortable coming out as a gay man. Not just to my best of friends and my family, but to the whole of my community that I was surrounded by. It took me until National Coming Out Day last year for me to really feel comfortable coming out and getting it over with. And to be honest, I was pretty terrified building up to it. Wondering what the whole community I've known would REALLY think. Pondering in my head whether I should keep putting it off, keep putting it off, keep putting it off until a better time. But now? Now that I've actually done it? I don't have a single regret about it. At all. The outpouring of love and support I've received on that fateful day forever cemented in my mind that I made the right choice ultimately.
I can still remember when I was in my mid-teens years ago, and I was still figuring out my own sexuality. Who it was I really liked in THAT kind of way. Why I was always more physically attracted to men than I was to women. Why I just didn't connect to a lot of my peers in high school and college in that kind of way. It took me a little bit of time before I really came to accept what I really was. I was gay. I was attracted to my own sex. It was them I wanted in that way physically, emotionally and personally, and there was just no way around it. This was just who I was, and I've got to learn to come and accept it. I think it was probably by the end of high school and beginning of college that I had come to really accept that I was gay and wanted men in that way, and even then I had decided in my mind that coming out as LGBTQ+ was still not the safest thing in the world to do. I hadn't quite worked up the courage mentally and emotionally.
But over the years though, I've come to realize something very important, not just about myself but about my new community I'm now a proud member of. For me, it's not just about oh, I'm attracted to this person, or that person, or I feel more associated to this gender or that one, or anything like that. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community is a cultural thing. It's being part of a wide community of people who come from all kinds of interesting and amazing backgrounds like mine, and who have gone through all different kinds of struggles much like mine. It's about being surrounded by people who will openly come out and support you for your sexuality or gender or whatnot, and who you can really, deeply relate to on a personal level and be proud to be a member of.
I say all of this to say that this is just who I am now. This is who I've chosen to be since at LEAST this last October when National Coming Out day rolled around, and I made that fateful decision. I am a proud gay man. I am a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community. I am a man who loves everybody who's gotten this far and read all of this, and a man who will support you in your sexuality and gender choices. Whether you're a male, female, trans, gender nonconforming, nonbinary, straight, gay, bisexual, lesbian, whatever. I am an ally, and you can always rely on me and my support. That has not changed before, and that is never going to change. If you're still in the closet and you're still reluctant to come out to the world as gay or lesbian or bi or whatever it is, just know that I was once in your shoes and I will support you in whatever decisions you decide to make. Just know that if you're straight and you have been your whole life, I have nothing but love in my heart for you as well. As far as I can recall, nobody I've ever been friends with who's straight has ever had any issues with me and my sexuality, and therefore I can find no reason in my heart to have any issues with them and their sexuality. I do not see that as fair at all.
I am an out and proud gay man, I am a safe person to come out to or even to talk to about LGBTQ+ issues, and I am a human being with an outpouring of love for you regardless of what sexuality or gender you identify with. I am a firm believer in the fact that we're all on our own life's journey, and we're still finding out who we are. Not just when it comes to our sexuality and our gender, but in so many more ways than that. We're all on some kind of journey to find out who we truly are in the end. Even now, months after having come out, I'm still figuring stuff out about myself that I had no idea about before. I say all of this to say that whatever journey you're on, regardless of how fast or slow you get there, regardless of how easy or painful it is on a personal level, you can always rely on me to be an easy person to relate to and talk to. You can always count on me and my support. The door is open for you to come talk to me about anything. For I stand ready.
#pride month#pride month 2023#i am gay#gay rights#gay rights are human rights#lgbtq pride#who i am#lgbtq community#trans rights#trans rights are human rights#your sexuality matters
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Today I'm Thinking About...
I've been so busy I haven't been able to keep up on this even thought I'm definitely Still Thinking About Things but I do want to get back to it but I really shouldn't now BUT I love last night's idea SO MUCH that I'm going to scrawl down at least a few words of it.
(note for various trigger warnings, but this is 2ha and if you've read the book, well, it's no tws that weren't in the novel. except the mentions of drug use/addiction, I guess)
Modern 2ha AU where Mo Ran has a really messy teen years/young adulthood. (read more)
His first crush, Shi Mei, ends up drawing him into a lot of toxic behavior, coerced sex work, drugs, you name it, he's a fucking mess. The worst part is it fucks with his memory; some things he did, he remembers, other...not so much...and a lot of them, he has the vague sense/knowledge He Did Something Terrible but he can't recall the details (which is probably for the better, sometimes). Finally, he of course gets arrested...and he gets lucky. Hell, he gets about as lucky as a disaster like himself can get (spoilers: it's not luck). He gets a great public defender and a lenient judge and while initially he's on the hook for all kinds of charges (not least of which - sex work, drug dealing, possession with intent to sell, aggravated assault, theft, rape...) most of the charges end up dropped or reduced, and because of a clear history of how this abuse started when he was young, he's sentenced to community service and rehab instead of prison. It especially helps that the assault and rape charges end up getting dropped (Mo Ran tells his lawyer, who tells him NOT to tell anyone else, that he remembers just enough to be POSITIVE he's guilty of both).
He gets to start over, fresh, in his mid-20s, with his fragmented memories and his regrets and a bone-deep determination to help other people. His community service, done at an all-service non-profit in a poor neighborhood, offers him a job in the soup kitchen after, and he ends up one of their best advocates - he's great looking, charismatic, insanely hard working, a skilled chef, brilliant, strong - and he helps them build relationships with organizations that can help them, bring in donations, distribute what they get, the whole package. And, of course, he gets friendly with the other people who work there.
Like Xue Meng, the incredibly gruff son of the head of the non-profit's board who acts like a dick but actually really gives a damn.
And Ye Wangxi, the trans man who runs the organizations LGBTQIA+ outreach program.
And Nangong Si, the dilettante rich boy who Definitely Isn't Helping with fundraising and Definitely Doesn't Have Feels for Ye Wangxi.
The list goes on and on, but of course there's...
Chu Wanning. Who has to be the LEAST charismatic, personable, friendly person in the entire organization. He's standoffish, aggressive, often off-putting, and generally forbidden from attending charity events and really anything public, but who behind the scenes is one of the hardest working SoBs there. He's in charge of tech for the organization - both their internal technology and their tech-for-the-public program, which helps the people who come there with everything from vehicle repairs through providing free computers/tablets/smart phones through tech support (Xue Meng ends up doing a lot of the actual tech support, because as tsundere as he is, he's still easier to talk to than Chu Wanning). The organization wouldn't function without Chu Wanning.
Initially, Chu Wanning wants nothing to do with Mo Ran - talk about a man too pretty for his own good (as if that couldn't refer to CWN too...) - but Mo Ran is nothing if not a persistent, overly friendly husky, and ultimately Chu Wanning ends up genuinely befriended, largely against his will, though when he finally gets fed up and says as much, and Mo Ran finally leaves him alone for a while, Chu Wanning of course ends up missing him and ultimately seeks him out again. That's about the point when, to Chu Wanning's shock, Mo Ran explains that if they ARE going to spend time together again, Chu Wanning needs to understand that Mo Ran's feelings are way beyond platonic, that he'd love to have a more personal, ideally romantic and/or sexual, relationship with Chu Wanning, and that while he doesn't need Chu Wanning to reciprocate, he'll feel disingenuous if he continues to be Chu Wanning's friend without knowing.
(From Mo Ran's point of view, he's been insanely obvious about this, but also he's been terrified of saying it explicitly because he knows in his heart that he is A Bad Person, all the appearance of virtue with none of the actual virtue, the perfect inverse of the stoic Chu Wanning who everyone sees as cold and aloof but who actually has a heart of gold and has never done wrong in his life.)
(From Chu Wanning's point of view, he has never been more blind-sided in his life. Who. Could POSSIBLY. Have Feelings. For HIM????)
After a little deliberation, and after an initial "no," Chu Wanning finally does take the hand that Mo Ran has offered him, and they start tentatively, hesitantly dating. Neither of them has ANY experience at this (Chu Wanning has always been single; Mo Ran's only relationship, while long, was so abusive that if anything he aims to model "always do the opposite of what I did then"), so it's definitely rocky. Especially so because, though Chu Wanning can't bring himself to admit it, he's only not a virgin because he's a rape victim - a stranger assaulted him one night when he was walking him, forced themselves on him, left him shattered and he's been slowly putting himself back together ever since.
But, despite all the hurdles, little by little, they grow close, they fall in love, they decide to be physically intimate...
...they're in Mo Ran's bedroom...
...they're taking off each other's clothes...
...Mo Ran is saying the sweetest, most genuinely affectionate words, and while Chu Wanning is constitutionally incapable of saying such things back, he absolutely feels them, he is as completely in love as he is loved...
...and there, on Mo Ran's revealed chest, is a long ragged scar that is all too horrifyingly familiar to Chu Wanning.
Because he made that scar himself.
When he tried to fight off his attacker, his rapist.
And then he can see it, so clearly, how that emaciated, sunken-eyed youth has, a decade later, grown into this man before him.
And this man, Mo Ran now, is wonderful.
And, unbeknownst to Mo Ran, most of the reason Mo Ran has had the opportunities he had is that Chu Wanning advocated for him (...he was a young public activist/non-profit worker then, and very passionate...), helped arrange him having competent representation, dropped the assault and rape charges, couldn't bring himself to take the stand but wrote a letter in favor of lenient sentencing that was read to the judge and jury and entered into evidence.
In that instant, ALL this reality crashes in on Chu Wanning - that this is his attacker, that he's in love with his attacker, the cruel irony of them reuniting, getting friendly, becoming a couple, all the memories of that awful night that he's tried, with mixed success, to process, and it's so much, too much...
...and, for Mo Ran's part, while he doesn't deserve much in the way of sympathy all things considered, there is something awful about the heartbreaking moment when Chu Wanning takes one look at Mo Ran's bared body and goes catatonic in a panic attack.
Needless to say, it takes them a LONG time to recover from this.
But...they get there eventually, of course.
File this under "story ideas I definitely will never have time to write but that will definitely be entertaining me a lot for several weeks to come."
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“To be visibly Queer is to choose your happiness over your safety”
It’s pride month and this is the only space I feel save being honest about MY experience. I knew in middle school I liked girls, this was before I determined I was NB. I was scared, a bully in my gym class often put me down by calling me a lesbian, I did not know what it was really, fragments maybe. I knew my Uncle was gay, I knew that was something my family accepted and I never knew anything different, but no one explained what it meant to be a lesbian. Growing up lesbian and gay were the popular slurs. In middle school I played traveling volleyball, it was what I considered my main sport, I was always on the outside socially because I tried very hard at practice and the rest of my team wouldn’t meet my energy as they considered it a leisure sport to engage in during their off season. There was always this one girl who was nice to me when we’d talk, I had a crush on a girl in my friend group from school (Not volleyball), and I wasn’t sure what to do. I talked with girl and she actually gave me great advice and I followed it the next day at school, didn’t work out but thats okay. So I come home from school that next day feelin good and I walk into my mother screaming into the phone, I don’t remember that part but I know when she saw me she dismissed the person on the phone, came marching up to me (which with her I’m so mad face that wasn’t great) and asked if I’m a lesbian. Being young and afraid of this big bad word that was an insult I said no! I just liked this One Girl, I still liked boys. Turns out the girl not only told the whole team and all their parents had been harassing my mom all day. She looked at me, asked if I loved volleyball, I said of course I do! She then looked at me and said “Then you’re going to practice tomorrow, fuck ‘em”. That was my last (? or second to last) season on the court. I regret not looking for another team to this day. I can’t tell you how many couples want to bring me in their bed for their pleasure, Or you turn down some guy at the bar and they take it as a challenge and maybe they can now have two girls instead of one. It’s dehumanizing and gross. Being queer has always held me apart from most. Being known is truly difficult.
One of my mutuals on another platform posted the quote at the top this week, and I have some mixed feelings about it. To Clarify the feelings are not about my mutual but the quote itself that was posted on twitter. (I found it on their page and quoted it word for word but I’m horrible with links so if you want to see it I’ll do my best or just search it I guess lol.) This person is someone I hold a lot of respect for in my community. They are a transperson, are very visible as a transperson with their partners. With the dangerous conditions in America right now for our community, transpeople especially, trans poly people even more so. The strength to follow the heart when things are tough, persevering, it is irreplaceable. It did get me thinking though, and I have a lot of questions. What does it even mean to be visibly queer? Is there a definition? Is it a box to check off to feel “included”?
To Me: For pride month it’s important to support the things you believe in, for yourself and others. Sharing individual and personal struggles to bring awareness and education during this month is great! I always learn so much this time of year. I will say this though, I don’t like such generalized statements. This quote is fine for specific groups, but doesn’t always apply to the community as a whole and I hope I can properly articulate why I think this. First queer people are diverse! A lot of people in the community ‘pass’ as cisgendered heterosexual couples but could be bi or pan or ace (or closeted). The other thing that comes to mind is you could be single! I am! and maybe that is why this bothered me so much, both of these apply to me. I am nonbinary and have been told and done my own research to tentatively know I am technically part of the transcommunity although I never felt I truly “count” whatever that means, and would not label myself that way, the statement felt almost criticizing??... I’m not sure. I’m as plain jane as they come. Dark long hair, nail appointments and feminine clothes are being reincorporated into my space from what I couldn’t explore in childhood. I do pass as cis. and I know how important those kinda statements are so I’m not saying it’s inherently wrong.... I guess what I’m trying to say to you and myself is you don’t have to be visible to count. We all have different challenges and what I experience will be different from you. I want to use this post to personally recognize the groups that may get overlooked or receive a not so warm welcome because we all know our own commuity can be very exclusive. Bi, poly, ace and pan people get flack from both sides, straight and queer a like. Maybe that’s why it’s taken me two days to get this out on a page. During these trying times I believe we must speak out for others, not just ourselves. We are here, We are Queer, We are united. No one gets left behind. We must strive to be open-minded and curious to our differences. If you got this far thank you for taking the time to read this. Happy Pride Month my friends!
#Pride month#happy pride 🌈#happy pride#personal thoughts#Personal processing#love being feminine#Pleasing my innerchild#intersectionality#intersectional pride#queer pride#queer#support transgender#support bisexuality#support asexuals#support poly persons#support NB people#support pansexuals#Support those closeted#I see you even if you aren't visible#Why is straight the default
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Two Hours
That's how long I've left to call it quits.
The bus ride home from my friend's place went as about expected: severe motion sickness, and introspection time.
I fear that I haven't thought it through enough. I fear for other things, like my fertility, and the passing thought of a double-ended regret - that of being a cis man with fertility issues brought on by this - stops by my mind.
yet, as I look out at the women, seated in the bus, and the girls, some of whom board the bus at different stops, my mind quietens.
I don't know if it's the relief that comes with knowing that I'll finally be able to join them, or if it's the apathy and the more immediate nausea that comes with the bus ride.
Strangely enough, just last night, I perused some adult content of two trans women. It wasn't their features that struck me. The love they had for each other, and their smiles, did. It stirs in me something I can't identify, though it does... give me some measure of hope, the same way seeing larger-sized women does.
I reassure myself, telling myself that while most girls don't have dicks, some girls have dicks. Maybe I could be one of them. But then again, maybe not.
The letter still lies unopened on my clavier's keyboard.
I wonder if I should read it.
...
i will. in time.
For now, though, I recall what Sylfr had said to me months prior.
Maybe one day, you'll wake up as a girl, and you'll understand what all this is about.
I'm scared.
I can almost hear the other people in the community (which I've since rejoined) chewing out the person I'll be meeting soon.
You've interfered too much with Fluffy and her judgement; how do you know it's right for her? Why'd you give her estrogen when she hasn't been questioning for that long?
I like being called a she/her. Yet, it doesn't mean that won't change. Also, I wonder what's going to happen to me.
...
[DEADNAME], you've changed. What happened to you? You weren't like this before.
HUHHH?!!!!! WHY YOU NEVER TELL ME? No. Stop it now. You're my son. Give my son back.
No, you're not trans. I know you.
You're a man, whether you want to be one or not. Accept it.
Do you really have to do this? You don't have to go so far one. I'll buy you female clothing, ok? Don't do anything with your body.
Okay, I support you, but no physical changes.
Oi, stop it la. You really think you're a girl?
You're deluding yourself.
Okay lor. If you want to fuck up your body, go ahead and fuck it up. When something's wrong don't come and cry to me.
Get out of my house. Now.
...
I'm... scared.
Why is wanting to be me so wrong..?
I've tried everything. I've tried being a good kid. A good friend. A good student. A good brother.
Nothing. Nothing worked. I still felt those weird feelings for basically everyone around me. It's gone to the point I've lost interest in my hobbies, and all I want is for it, this pain, to end. But I've tried, and nothing worked.
Am I supposed to keep trying? To keep bringing myself to socialize with others, to repress this behind layers of denial and distraction? I've tried. I've tried socializing with different friend groups. Church people. My brother's friends. Even people I've performed with.
Nothing. Even after I basically threw myself at them. What do I do now?
Tell me.
what do i do now..? I didn't choose to be like this...
I didn't choose a life where I'd always want to be someone else. Where I'd never recognize a version of me who was normal.
Do I just not want to be me?
...
Two hours to back out.
I don't know if I should.
I don't know if my judgement is skewed.
What do I do?
...
what do i do...?
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9 and 30-32
9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.
@escapesos, bc just a girl with trans woman Leah is one of my all time favorite fic and more people should read it. Peyton explores boundaries in this fandom, with gender and themes, and I love them and this fic. They are a breath of fresh air.
@valiantnerdtm. They remind me that fic is fun. Fic writing is fun! And oh my god do I Love their dreamy, poetic version of Luke.
@ladybugnoah wrote Between Us for me during fic exchange last summer and it is truly one of my fav fics. comforting and warm to read. More people should read their fics too, for his different themes and ships and also just. getting this fic so right
30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.
“I can also finally share some exciting news! I’ve been hinting at it for a few months, but I can officially tell everyone that I have a new line of makeup coming out in collaboration with Covergirl! And to celebrate, Michael and I are going to do a “Boyfriend Does My Makeup” video using the new makeup,” Luke says, gesturing to Michael to come on screen. Michael rolls himself over, smiling at the screen when he comes into frame.
31. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?
Luke. I love writing Luke. I write him my way and that's that.
32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?
I'm gonna go off some recent ones:
First:
“He’s not my boy. He’s an overly perky pain in my ass.”
“But he’s a cute pain in your ass,” Calum points out. Michael blushes. He regrets telling Calum once that he found Luke and his fluffy blond curls and his lip ring hole cute. Calum has yet to let it go.: from All I want for Christmas. It was a christmas retail worker muke I wrote and I enjoyed this line alot.
Second:
“I’m not sure how I can possibly top what you’ve already said, but I’m going to try. Ash, darling, it’s silly and cliche, but I had a crush on you since the day at the movie theater. I thought I would never see you again, but then you walked into band practice as our new drummer and I knew it was fate pushing us together. It took us a while to get here, but I’ve loved you for so long and I love you so much it comes as easily as breathing to me. You’ve always made me feel cherished and special. No matter how bad I get, the mood I’m in, you’ve always been there for you. You know what to say to make me feel better and even when it’s hard, you never back down from trying. I’ve never felt anything but loved when I’m with you. You’ve helped me to explore myself, to become more comfortable in the person I am. You’re my rock, my support system, my love. I can’t put it all into words how much I love and cherish you, how happy I am to have you in my life, to have you as my person. I promise to love you forever and ever with every part of my being. I want to share every moment with you. I love you,” Luke says, choking out the last words, vision blurred from the tears they know are falling. Ashton’s no better, tears fully running down his cheeks, smiling around it as he wipes his eyes. He leans over, wiping at Luke’s cheeks, pressing a soft kiss to each. Luke grabs his wrists, squeezing lightly before letting go.: From I'll Give you the Best Years from the lingerie luke series. This was from their wedding. I spent ages worrying about their vows. I was very proud of this.
Third:
“Stay here. With Michael and me and the whole crew. We like you. We’d be happy to have you around. It’d be nice to have someone else who’s stuck here for all eternity,” Calum says, smiling gently, hand still in Luke’s curls. Luke turns to look at him. It’s a thought he’s had before, just staying on the ship. Luke’s not ready to go back to the sky, to leave the life he’s built here and the home he thinks he’s found. It seems sadder and sadder everyday as he thinks about going back to the sky, being alone again after learning what it’s like to be among a family, to have people to love. Luke likes the life he’s built here. He likes the crew, Michael, and Calum, who treat him like they’ve known him forever. Luke realizes, looking at Calum’s earnest face, hand on Luke’s shoulder, that they want him to stay as much as he wants to.: from I'm a Falling Star. I just really liked this bit in the fic. Idk why
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I am someone who was "cancelled" in the MCR fandom, but not one of the people who reached out to you yet. I spend very very little time on social media and despite writing in the MCR fandom, I dont follow any of the members or keep up to date with latest news. So, I missed the memo that Grant had said they are non binary.
Instead of informing me of their pronouns change, I was absolutely hounded by a particular circle of people on twitter who I believed to be my friends. I was not perfect, far from it, and at first didn't want to change Grant's pronouns in my existing fics and instead, said I would do so going forward. Safe to say, this was the worst thing I could have said and... cue the witch hunt.
I too had death threats, and was branded a turf. My works on AO3 never gained much attention, so luckily the hate I did receive was on a very small scale that didn't appear to surpass the hellish gates of twitter.
I haven't returned to MCR fic, and I never will. I now write for another fandom, and I'm much, much happier.
You're not alone in what you've gone through. It is shit, and it shouldn't happen to us, but it did and in a way, I'm not entirely regretful. It opened my eyes as to what certain people in the fandom were like, and how toxic it had been getting.
I hope that like me, you can try to take some positives out of a shitty situation. All my love, H x
I'm so, truly sorry that happened to you. It sounds almost identical to what happened to me and so I know how very painful it is. I too was branded a Terf which all "my real life" trans and non-binary friends had a good, hard laugh about. If it weren't for them and their support, I don't know how much deeper into darkness I'd have gone.
I found some peace by reaching out with the Discord chat, offering to talk in person to those who were trying so hard to hurt me. My friends wanted to be in there too, just to offer support because at the time I made so many excuses for the hate I was receiving - clearly these people are hurting deeply and maybe some older friends from the queer community would help ease some pain. But in the end no one took me up on the offer to talk in person and that started me thinking perhaps they weren't so willing to listen, and just wanted to be angry.
Since then, I've heard so many stories from other targeted writers that now I'm certain in my assessment. Sadly, a small group exists within this fandom who just want to bully, hurt and tarnish other writers. They punch down at people they know can't fight back, instead of punching up at the actual systems and websites that do harm LGBTQ+ communities.
I've always loved AO3 for its wonderful tagging system. And the number one rule of fanfiction was always 'dont like, don't read'. There's no reason why my fics, or anyone elses, should be targeted for anything, because it's not the writers' jobs to cater for their readers. It's our jobs as readers to use the tags to read what we like and ignore what we don't.
I still don't know if I'll ever return to MCR. But at one point I thought I'd never write again at all, period. It made me sick to even think of it. But hearing from so many others who have been left feeling that way because of hate directed at them has filled me with a fire to get back writing.
I'm glad you've managed to take some positives out of your experience, and I truly wish you all the best for the future 💜
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So. . . I know I’m not very active here anymore but I always had this goal in mind that some day I would post the rest of the headcanon submissions that are in my inbox. There aren’t too many—just enough to feel daunting most of the time. Especially when I have other things I’d rather do in my time off from the real adult job that I have now.
But I’ve decided now that I’m not going to post any of them. I’m not posting submissions and I’m not posting any of my little free flow fanfic-like writing any more.
I’ve come to this decision because I find JKR’s recent comments about Trans people and the content of her new book despicable. And I don’t want to be creating any more Harry Potter content that will act like free advertising for such a shitty person.
I know many of you who love HP have been saying to ignore her, that HP was written by Daniel Radcliffe, that it has no author. But when I look at how many followers this blog has, it feels irresponsible and wrong to continue on as though nothing has happened. When you have a significant platform, your content always finds a way into the hands of someone new. A new HP fan who might decide—from seeing a headcanon—to go buy the books or movies. So no, I do not want to risk supporting her in that way.
My one regret is that it took until now for many of us to recognize the harm she has caused. Indigenous people, Jewish people, Irish people, Black people. . . so many communities have been pointing out the problematic and hurtful elements in her writing for years and we let them down. We ignored them and continued to give her a platform so that now she could attack the Trans community.
I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, but I’m saying now that enough is enough—out of solidarity with those she has harmed.
This blog will remain up, because I put a lot of work into it and don’t want to forget all the good memories we did have. But there will be no new content posted. I’m done. I encourage you all to consider ceasing the creation of HP content, in order to minimize the damage she can cause and show your support for the members of communities who have been wronged.
Here is a link to a good compilation of books by Trans and Non-binary authors you could support instead. (I’ve personally really enjoyed: Pet by Akwaeke Emezi. Once & Future by Capetta & McCarthy. Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey. I Wish You All The Best by Mason Deaver.)
I might answer questions here occasionally if they’re not related to making content. But you’re also more than welcome to find me and hang out in other places. I’m @emhoardsbooks on all other platforms like instagram, twitter, tiktok, and even wordpress. And I’m still @swearwolflupin here on tumblr. (For now... I want to change it to something non-HP related when I have the chance, but like I said I’m not on this hell site much any way.)
Thank you again, for all the love and support over the years. Take care of yourselves.
-Emily
#hp headcanon#blog update#fuck jkr#jkr is a terf and an overall shitty person and i'm done supporting her#when you're a professional proofreader and you still miss one of your own typos#ok ok i have to stop making little edits to this
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