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screemnch · 7 months

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The Pathologic Russian and English analysis: Artemy Burakh the Haruspex Part 2.

I think I've officially been classified by the world's forces as a fanfiction author because of this, for you see... The reason it took so damn long for me to get around to this is because I was trying to not get deported, avoiding homelessness and having a generally horrific time. But that is none of your concern, I suppose, so let's cut to the chase.

As the Changeling: I can’t exactly say that there are many differences between the Russian and English versions of the Haruspex here - same as outlined previously, he is laconic, distant and impulsive. In terms of tone of voice, the main difference would be the constraints of grammar in the English language. Russian is quite a versatile language and allows for people to structure sentences very… Liberally. This is what I meant when I spoke about the Bachelor speaking with a very “deliberate” sentence structure. He would construct his sentences properly, with all the nouns and verbs there need to be in a sentence, never neglecting the “I” - speaking in a very proper manner, even when using not so proper words. In English it’d be quite difficult to illustrate where the difference lies - these two languages employ vastly different sentence structures. The curt tone of voice is furthered with Burakh particularly because he doesn’t structure his sentences formally. His communication is very barebones, often foregoing the “I” in what he says, for example, since it can be indicated through the form of the verbs used. I’d previously said his manner of speech reminds me of fairy tales, and I think it’s particularly because of that - the modern way of speaking is very individualistic. It’s all about explaining yourself clearly and concisely, putting emphasis on the person. Artemy doesn’t put much emphasis on himself in his dialogue, talking about actions instead. The order in which he puts words is also distinct from more modern sentence structures, though that is a bit more difficult to explain. Y’all aren’t here for that anyway so let’s get to the screenshots. Once again, the order of dialogue here is dubious at best.

I want to bring attention to the last sentence here (partially because I don’t know how much material I’ll have for this part of the analysis, so I’m just putting in whatever I want) - the original Russian version says “Where do [someone’s] eyes have to be to mix us up…” which is where I get to talk about Russian expressions. See, the implication here is that the onlookers eyes have to be positioned on/in said onlookers rear end - because that is a common way for Russian people to express that someone is inept at something. Someone’s clumsy and can’t do anything well with their hands? They must be growing out of their ass then! Though I can’t think of any other instances in which that would be used off the top of my head, but yeah. Ass eyes.

It is. So difficult to not just start talking about Clara right here and right now, she’s my special little blorbo and there’s so much about her BUT. I will limit myself to this note (yeah, right, we’ll see). Main things to note here - Clara goes from addressing Artemy informally to then using the formal version of “you” (or, I guess, the formal version of the verb addressing him because Russian is a totally real language that exists). This is combined with the fact that the way she asks Artemy who he is is specifically worded in Russian in a way that implies scrutiny. It’s extremely difficult to explain, the difference is in only one word but the literal translation would also not convey the meaning well. But basically - she asks him who he is in a standoffish manner, realises she’s talking to the Ripper himself and immediately goes to address him formally and here’s the kicker: instead of saying “don’t hurt me”, in the original version she said “don’t upset me”(literal) to which the English equivalent would be “don’t be mean to me”. So yeah, Clara realised she just gave snark to a murderer and immediately went for the “I’m just a little girl, you wouldn’t want to hurt me right?.” Comedy gold. (Or a stark example of how girls and women have to force themselves to be more palatable in fear of violence from men. You decide).

The focus here is on the “Love will find a way. Blockhead” line (the rest is for context). The sentence before that isn’t even present in the Russian version. In fact, the original version just says something along the lines of “You’ll find her if you love her” (with the exception that with the freedom Russian allows it was expressed in just two words.) I also had a good laugh at Clara calling Artemy “blockhead” because I thought it was a bit anachronistic (it wasn’t, the word was used as early as the 1500's and I swear I’m gonna have to start using MLA format citations for this one day aaaaa) but it suited the translation well, as the original insult that Clara threw at him was comparing him to a large and unformed mass of stone - a common insult for someone stupid. Just wanted to point out the fun stuff.

Entirely unrelated since I can’t be bothered to look for context for either of these, but the fact that they’re in proximity and similar to each other (while being very different in Russian) was kinda funny to me. The former being something along the lines of “So what do you need here?” and the latter meaning something like “Have you come with business?.” The second one also bears the hilarious implication that Artemy expected Clara to just… Come by on a whim, with seemingly nothing to do - either because he doesn’t think highly of her, or because there’s a precedent for people to come wandering into the Ripper’s hideout for no reason. Either way, once again - funny.

Listen, I don’t know if this is anything, and hopefully there are other Russian speakers who can tell me if I’m being a little stupid here, but! I also know that a large number of pathologic fans love to talk about this silly little thing called gender. And the fun thing about Russian is that everything here is gendered as all hell. In terms of “adoption” there are two words that essentially mean “to make someone (take them in as) your son” and “to make someone (take them in as) your daughter”. And it is a very common thing for anyone to say they’ve been adopted (as a son) regardless of their gender - since so much literature is oriented on men and talks about them more than it does women, so it’s a word that comes to mind first (had to talk to my mom about this, heehoo). However in this particular instance, Clara says that Alexander took her in as his son. It’s something entirely normal to say in Russian, and I don’t think that this thing alone is enough to build off of, but since I know there are people who would add this to a pile of headcanon justifications - I’ve pointed it out to you. Because I love you. You’re welcome. (yes I’m talking about Clara again, I can’t help it if she’s just better than everyone)

This! This is what the translation should’ve said in the Bachelor route!! I know I’ve already talked about this, but now I’m even more confused - they got it right with the Changeling, what was stopping them from recycling the same translation with the Bachelor? Like, I would like to think that maybe it’s an error on the side of the website I’m using (but also hopefully not, I don’t have the time to play the games at the moment) but it’s also entirely possible that the translation team translated this phrase TWICE instead of saving time. Because people aren’t always efficient. Anyways.

This isn’t as much of a translation thing as it is maybe an “I don’t know English” thing. I was really confused when I first read it and only after comparing it to the Russian version did I understand what the second sentence was supposed to mean. As in - yeah, I can tell how you could read this in English and understand it - but it isn’t intuitive at all. And I get it - it’s pathologic and very little is actually intuitive here. But I wonder if I wasn’t the only one confused. In Russian, the sentence states “if it weren’t for me, you would’ve drowned your town in blood.” A simple little clarification, and I think an argument may be made about the difficult to understand nature of patho’s writing but… There’s a difference between a message reaching the audience with some difficulties and the message not reaching the audience at all.

Hey hey it’s time for “Burakh (and maybe other characters, we’ll see) treats Clara as more of a concept than a tangible person!” In this edition we’re gonna be focusing on the “deadly girl” turn of phrase, where the original Russian version has him call her “girl-death.” Not in a sense that she’s the death of girls, or that she is the reaper with a pink bow over its hood, rather that she is “the girl that is death”. We saw this earlier in the Bachelor’s campaign, where Artemy referred to her as “evil,” meaning the concept of evil - Burakh seems to be prone to identifying Clara through these big generalised ideas, rather than giving her concrete qualities. It’s actually pretty funny, because Clara constantly appraises him in their conversation, calling him rude, scary, and mean. They both call each other demons though, so at least there’s that. Also instead of “henchmen” Burakh refers to Dankovsky being surrounded by “squires.”

From the same conversation - the second sentence is only similar in essence. Maybe I’m making it more of a deal than it is, but there is a hint of an apology in the Russian version, which goes something like “There’s not much faith in you; you understand that yourself” (Conveying vibes here). I like the distinction between “faith” and “trust” because Russian (fortunately this time) does have different words for those two concepts. And it’s interesting to me, what with how religion oriented the Changeling campaign is, that Burakh specifically says that he doesn’t have much faith in her. Something-something themes.

Unfortunately that is about all I have in terms of specific points to bring attention to. It sucks immensely that there was so little time for IPL to work on the Changeling campaign, because not only is she super interesting, but also because (for the sake of this particular analysis) the interaction that her and Artemy have are absolutely wonderful. On one hand they have a lot of comedic potential (which I know isn’t the aim of the game, but hey, I laughed a lot reading their dialogue) and on the other hand some of their dialogue is actually quite heartfelt. In comparison to the Bachelor’s campaign, we get to see the Haruspex from a very different perspective. There’s even a little bit of that “does not get paid enough for this” energy that most people like to portray him as here. There were not that many differences in the “did you know we were dolls” dialogue between Artemy and Clara, so I didn’t get to talk about it much but I would suggest anyone to read or reread it - there is a lot of wonderful insight into both of the characters in there. Haruspex saying that he is still human specifically because he didn’t figure out the situation he is in (as opposed to Daniil, who figured out they were dolls) and that he is actively choosing to stay in this unfair predicament because he knows that finding out the truth would leave him permanently scarred? I don’t know about you, but it made me go a little bit insane. And even with Clara having the ability to understand where he’s coming from and that you’re given the option to invite Burakh to the Cathedral even after we are shown that he is completely blind to the bigger picture? That’s different from her conversation with Daniil, in which they are both on the same page about being dolls. This conversation in particular seemed so earnest to me, and if I wasn’t talking about translation differences, I would do a whole bit dedicated to that conversation. Otherwise I’m just a bit sad, since I don’t have that much to say about the Haruspex in the Changeling route.

As usual - comments, concerns, feedback is welcome. Genuinely no clue about when the next instalment of this mess of an analysis is going to be, but we are finally going to talk about Clara properly, so keep an eye out for that.

#pathologic #pathologic classic hd #мор утопия #ramblings #artemy burakh #clara saburova #we're on to 21 pages in the insanity document

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kinnporsche · 1 year

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here’s another kinn & porsche rec list as promised! once again, the list is ordered according to length (from longest to shortest), but this time i’ve also included some wips that i’m obsessed with right now—if the fic is currently incomplete, i’ve marked it with (wip). you should definitely check them all out, they’re so great and every new update makes my day. really and truly, these fics have literally been what’s getting me through it lately. please be sure to read the tags, and show the authors some love! [part 2/?]

— true north by vincerets – explicit / 102.6k words (wip)

soulmate (ˈsəʊlmeɪt) · noun · a person with whom you feel the most complete. two bodies, one soul.

Porsche is twenty-three when he gets a job working for the mafia. He’s twenty-three when one touch from the family’s heir shifts his world from shades of grey to bright and vibrant. Whoever decided to put the other half of his soul in a Theerapanyakul is getting a very strongly worded letter.

— fake love and hennessy by yeetlegay – explicit / 95.2k words (wip)

“As I said, Porsche,” Kinn begins. “I don’t like loose ends. So here’s what I propose: I’ll pay you for your company for the next week until my flight on Friday. Once I’m out of the country and beyond the reach of my enemies here, you’ll be free to go home. How does that sound?”

Porsche feels like he’s hallucinating. “My company?”

Kinn’s eyes roam over him freely. “Or however else you’d like to put it.”

(AKA: the Pretty Woman AU.)

— being this close ain’t close enough by fortunehasgivenup – explicit / 81k words

Porsche has imagined meeting his soulmate plenty of times. He hadn’t thought that it would involve being chased by men with knives and tied to a chair, but he’s willing to let that go. What he isn’t willing to do is let Kinn walk all over him.

The second that Kinn sees his own name on Porsche’s body, he’s all in. He wants Porsche within arm’s reach, at his side, in his bed, all of it. But his soulmate is stubborn and independent to a fault.

(Or: during the boat scene in episode one, they realize that they’re soulmates. They have a difference of opinions about how things should go.)

— wrapped around your finger (is my ring) by kittysawat – explicit / 61.2k words (wip)

“Relax.” Kinn leans on the counter. “I just want to talk.”

Porsche wills his beating heart to calm down, hoping his voice is steady when he asks, “You want your watch back, right?”

He has the audacity to laugh. “No, but I do have an offer for you.”

“An offer?”

Kinn smiles up at him, his ringed finger tapping against the glass. “Be my fiancé.”

(Or: when forced into an arranged marriage, Kinn needs someone to play his fiancé. The perfect candidate comes to him in the form of a certain bartender demanding fifty-grand.)

— like that through all eternity by concernedlily – explicit / 49.5k words (wip)

Korn holds one thing back. Believing Kinn is his cousin and they can no longer be together, Porsche has to take on the job of running the minor family alone.

— you’re mine by ahdriking – explicit / 23.1k words

Kinn and Porsche are abducted in the middle of their date. Kinn proceeds to demonstrate exactly what happens to those who touch what belongs to him.

(And maybe, just maybe, he’ll find out just how much he likes belonging to Porsche, too.)

— the things i would do to you by kurtstiel – explicit / 18.9k words

“Just because you have a big dick doesn’t mean you know what to do with it,” Porsche says. “Most men who are hung like horses think they don’t even have to try.”

Slowly, Kinn’s eyes slide open. Porsche gets a foreboding feeling like he’s just poked a sleeping bear. Kinn catches and holds Porsche’s gaze, eyes lethal. “And how would you know, Porsche?”

(Or: Porsche discovers what it means to have a size kink.)

— public consumption by iffervescent – explicit / 13.6k words

Porsche agrees to be in a gay porno. Kinn doesn’t work here.

— counting the waves by androktasia – explicit / 8.8k words

Papa had said it was best they keep a distance while things settled down. He’d said that it wouldn’t do to look like they were too much in one another’s pockets. That their rivals might see their relationship as a weakness to be exploited.

Plus, with so many staff dead after the attack, everything seems to take three times as long to do. The work carries on, despite their depleted resources. Everyone’s pulling long hours. Kinn rarely has evenings free anymore, and Porsche certainly doesn’t. They speak on the phone when they can; Kinn in his room, Porsche in his own, sometimes reporting on what they’ve been doing, sometimes just listening to each other breathe until they fall asleep. Most days, from what Kinn can tell, Porsche works till midnight, crawls into bed for a few hours, and then gets right up and starts working again.

Kinn knows his father wouldn’t want him here. He’s sneaked out—sort of. Arm knows where he is, and if Arm knows, Tankhun knows (which is why Arm knows). Papa had told Kinn that he should let Porsche get established on his own, to show trust. It does make sense, if Kinn thinks about it logically.

But he misses his boyfriend.

(Or: Kinn visits Porsche at the minor family house.)

— take shelter by vesna (mrsronweasley) – explicit / 6k words

Porsche loves Kinn. He’d said as much, and Kinn had nearly whited out in response. He hasn’t said it back yet. Porsche doesn’t seem to have let that affect him, hasn’t acted differently towards him at all. Maybe he doesn’t even need to hear it. And Kinn—Kinn isn’t entirely sure why he’s keeping him waiting. It isn’t as if he isn’t madly fucking in love with him.

— when the heat wave comes by oliviacirce – explicit / 5.1k words

“I don't think that's normal,” Porsche says doubtfully.

— love, let my love inside go free by daltoneering – explicit / 3.5k words

They burst to the surface gasping for breath, water clogging Porsche’s ears, distorting the brightness of Kinn’s laughter across the pool into muffled echoes along the tall glass walls of the building. He grabs for the side, lungs screaming.

“Fuck! You want to drown me?”

(Or: Kinn shows Porsche just how grateful he is for the perfect first date.)

— you put a fever inside me by butterflylungs – explicit / 3.1k words

Your life is mine, Kinn had once told him. It had pissed Porsche off at the time, when Kinn had been freezing him out. Now, even the suggestion of Kinn laying his claim on him, marking him as his, has Porsche whimpering Kinn’s name. It would make this permanent. It would mean that Kinn will keep him, forever.

(Or: Porsche riles Kinn up during a work meeting, and Kinn teaches him a lesson.)

— smoke on your skin by mirrorofprinces – explicit / 2.7k words

There is a small, dark part of Kinn that considers pinching Porsche’s nose shut and fucking his face to completion. Instead, he reaches for the crystal whiskey glass on his desk and takes a fortifying sip. “Enough.”

— i wanted your body but it came with your soul by any_open_eye – explicit / 2.2k words

“Do I need to tie you up?” Kinn asks.

He watches that hit Porsche, rippling down his body, his mouth opening pink and wet. Kinn wants to suck on it like candy.

Slowly, Porsche wraps his fingers back around the bars. “I’ll keep still,” he promises, because Porsche likes to win, yes. But he also likes to lose.

#kinnporschesource #kinnporsche: the series #kinnporsche #kinn x porsche #fic rec #leila.txt #text #leave some kudos!

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gust-jar-simulator · 8 months

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I like the idea of Vio adopting some Gerudo traditions as a way of mourning Shadow and coping with his loss.

I base a lot of my Gerudo culture headcanons on ancient Egypt, even though my specialty is Mesopotamia and “ancient Egypt” is about as vague as saying “yeah I have a mammal in my house”. The time frame we’re looking at- ancient Egypt is so vast that actual ancient Egyptians had their own archaeologists studying their own past. So. Read my uncited and sleep-deprived fandom post with that in mind, and maybe go look up Hathor’s significance as a goddess of both mining and makeup, or the origin of the dog star. People seem to think Egypt was all about death.

Still, I’m here for goth blorbo posting, so talk of death it is!

For my personal headcanons, and Hyrule Historia’s debatable take on Shadow being made from Ganondorf AND Link- I think he was both an attempt at mocking Link, but also possibly an attempt to create a Gerudo hero. It must sting that not only can Ganondorf never win, but even his people suffer the short end of the stick. I’ll leave Shadow’s creation and the motives behind it up in the air, but- I do like the idea of him being somewhat racially Gerudo, if not raised in it culturally. Shadow is alone, running on emotions and instincts that might be his and might be the old hate of an endlessly reincarnated demon. His brain keeps spitting up random facts about the divine ritual significance of the king, flooding season and how to respectfully summon ghosts, and he has no idea what to do with any of this.

Until, of course, one day he brings home a cute nerdy twink to the evil castle and Shadow wants this guy’s attention So Bad. Cue poorly planned and half-understood infodumping that still earns him Vio’s complete undivided attention and possibly even cuddles. We don’t know what they were doing while Blue and Red tried not to die. Maybe they painted eachother’s nails while Shadow awkwardly coughed up random facts about Gerudo noun modifiers. (It would work on me)

Let’s fast forward.

Shadow is, for all intents and purposes, very dead by the end of things. While I love the idea of Vio descending into the guts of occult research hell to bring him back, there’s time between the end of the adventure and when- or even if- his attempts work. Research is one coping mechanism. How else does he want to remember Shadow?

Shadow wanted to be a person, above all else. Real, someone to be looked in the eye and respected. Nobody else is going to mourn him- who else would have cared enough, known him enough? The other parts of Link might try to understand for Vio’s sake, but they didn’t live it. They didn’t drink with him and toss around awful villain greetings like “vile morning your wretchedness”. The only people who don’t get graves or rites or anything are… well, being deliberately treated as less than people. And even if Shadow was a magic construct made of half a dozen things and the kitchen sink, enough of him was Gerudo for him to cling to it and say this, this is evidence that I’m a person too.

Something about the practice of religion that might not be immediately apparent to the average white American Protestant or culturally Christian atheist is that orthopraxy and orthodoxy are two different things. Correct action versus correct belief, essentially. In the ancient world, it often didn’t matter if you “believed” in a god, especially if you were in a high political position- the motions still had to be performed. It was taken as a matter of fact that the ghosts needed to be given bread and the rash on your neck was a sign of a god’s displeasure that could be interpreted via medical divination.

I’m vastly simplifying it because this is a fandom post and I’m running on two hours of sleep, so I’ll cut to the chase- it doesn’t matter if Vio “follows” the goddess of the sands or any other deity, or even none at all. If he thinks Shadow would have wanted beer and bread left out for his ghost, according to how any real person would be honored, I don’t think it’s out of the question that he might just do that. Plus, I think Vio would be invested enough in how Shadow would want his memory to be treated that he’d do the reading and maybe hop over to the Desert of Doubt to ask the Gerudo for proper funerary details in person. Again, it’s not like Shadow would have any other family or friends to fill the role.

Vio absolutely has a little sketch of Shadow in his room with a glass of water and a little plate next to it, and when Blue leaves a giant platter of stress-baked cookies outside his door he shares them with his dead boyfriend. I’m just saying. The guy may be dead but the love is not.

#the goth vio saga #vidow #pagan religion rambles in my Zelda? it’s more likely than you’d think

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wordsofmra · 9 months

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Do we have to spend time inside our mind to find the deviant that hides inside?

Original picture @wordsofmra

I was well into adulthood before I realised I had a deviant hiding inside of me. I thought I knew who I was sexually, what my wants and desires were, but with hindsight, I had no idea. I was trying to live up to some false bravado, not wanting to trail behind my peers and not allowing myself the time to discover who I was on, what I'd call, a primal level.

Is that all it would have taken, spending some time getting to know the deviant that lays dormant inside me? Is it already there, just waiting? Or is it something that develops and can be moulded?

And ultimately, does everybody have one and if they do, do they know their true deviant?

In my humble opinion, I feel everybody has one. An inner desire that is often never even realised and I think it’s something like the old Native American tale of the two wolves, it needs to be fed in order to grow. As I said before, I was well into adulthood before I truly knew myself, my inner self. When I was first sexually active, I was surrounded by older peers, and I felt the pressure to not be left behind. As they say, hindsight is 20/20 and it’s definitely clearer to see now, that was a mistake. Instead of spending time getting to know myself, I was rushing into fumbling my way through other people and this came at a cost, even much later in my life. But one of the biggest costs, one of the biggest sacrifices was at the expense of my deviant.

Perhaps I should take this time to explain what I mean by deviant. The dictionary definition states that deviant as a noun refers to ‘a deviant person or thing.’ “Killers, deviants, and those whose actions are beyond most comprehension.” As an adjective it describes ‘departing from usual or accepted standards, especially in social or sexual behaviour.’ “Deviant behaviour.” It’s the latter where my meaning of deviant derives but I don’t feel the standards are unusual or unacceptable. I don’t agree that the term deviant needs to come from a place of negativity, in fact, the complete opposite. If you can truly be yourself, your inner-most self, how can that be anything but positive?

I’m also fully aware that “deviant” can be used in a more criminal sense, and I am in no way condoning any criminal activities, sexual or not. When I say deviant, I’m referring to your inner most sexual wants, needs and deepest desires. What really drives you wild? What’s the underlining theme in your fantasies? What do you crave when you close your eyes? This is what I mean and for the most part, everybody’s deviant can be gratified without needing to commit any crimes.

I think another reason it’s usually used in a negative sense is because of the taboo that still surrounds sex and sexual themes. Even though it’s around almost every corner, on some bus-stop advert, or in the palm of your other hand and it’s getting more and more graphic, a lot of people still freak out when you mention something like a butt plug. In my experience, this is from more of a social reaction rather than a true reaction of what they really mean or dare to wonder. All it takes is for one brave person to confidently say “a butt plug doesn’t feel too bad” and a conversation can begin. Often with at least one other person in the group agreeing. But it’s the initial reaction toward the words of a deviant manner that I intend to change, allow people the opportunity to answer truthfully in the first instance, instead of saying what they think they should say. Everybody has a deviant but if you’re not even willing to talk about it, how are you ever going to find someone to explore it with…...and that is the best part.

As well as it being the best part, it’s also quite an important one as well. Trust and acceptance are usually the walls or cages that are put up to hide and protect our deviants so finding someone who accepts you for who you are and who you can truly trust is vital in most cases. In order to get to this point however, you first need to know what it is that’s hiding inside of you, and this is where I think the majority of people go wrong. Either by not allowing themselves the time to discover it or by assuming they already know. To those of you who are lucky enough to already know your true selves, through self-exploration or exploring with a trusted partner, I applaud you but also wonder if perhaps your deviant could grow more?

As for where our deviants come from, that is a good question. For myself looking back, there was always an element of it in my sexual journey but predominantly when I was on my own instead of with a partner. I can’t recall any defining moment from which it manifested so for as long as I can remember, it’s always being there. I don’t think it was completely set in stone from the outset, I think it’s being able to grow and be moulded by external and internal sources. It can develop, evolve even, into something beyond what your false bravado could have ever even imagined. At least that’s in my experience! I can now say that I do know my true deviant but I’m not entirely sure it’s finished growing, especially when someone else’s deviant compliments it so perfectly, but that’s an article for another time.

I suppose to answer the question in the title; yes, we do need spend time inside our minds to truly find the deviant that hides inside, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be leaving you little bread crumbs along the way.

So, what does this mean for you? It means it’s ok to be you. It’s ok to talk about what really turns you on and if anyone thinks it’s unusual, maybe they’re the ones who are unacceptable…...or perhaps they’re just reacting in the way they think they should. Either way, don’t let that stop you exploring and growing.

Awaken and embrace your inner deviant and start gratifying the desires you both crave.

#wordsofmra #seduction #self awareness #thought provoking #fantasy #love #relationship #seduce me #intimacy #intimate #desire

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frostironfudge · 1 year

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Labyrinth - Bucky Barnes - Chapter II

Summary: labyrinth (noun), a complicated set of paths and passages, through which it is difficult to find your way. Bucky and You would do anything for Steve and Wanda, your respective best friends. In an attempt to avoid a tradition Steve and Wanda come up with a lie involving their best friends. A lie, that involves building a labyrinth. Bucky and You begin to build but will you two find your way out or be caught in it?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader, (Modern AU)

Word Count: 8.3k || Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Warnings: fluff, angst, swearing, mild violence (none towards reader), alpine is the freaking best.

Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Masterlist

The day is a mess, you don’t even want to know what will occur tonight. It seems as if everything was going wrong. Every part of your brain was screaming at you for being stupid at the silliest of things.

Batch of cookies? Burned despite the timer.

Updates to boss? Emailed but never attached the file.

Your outfit for tonight? Bleached by the damned dry cleaners.

You’re almost in tears, Wanda has been freaking out all day. Bucky has just texted that he would pick you up, reminding you of the six thirty timing. You push your feelings back down as Wanda’s picture flashes across the screen.

“Sharon is going to be there, which means she will try to grill you.” Wanda warns, you purse your lips.

“Also Brock might try to piss off Bucky so you need to keep him calm. Fuck, I hate this why can’t they just accept you both are a pair on face value?” She grumbles.

“I don’t know.” You answer, you really don’t know what to do or say, several things are looming over your head.

“I’m over here panicking, could you at least say something more than ‘I don’t know’?” Wanda groans.

You know she doesn’t mean it, she’s stressed. You’re sure Steve is too. The entire situation is not in anyone’s favour. You keep your cool.

“Great, now you’re quiet.” Wanda clicks her tongue. You sigh.

“I need you to calm me down? Okay?” She huffs irritated.

“Wan, I don’t know what I can say to make it better, alright? I know it's stressful and Bucky and I will try our best to convince them. It is stressful for us too. Neither of us have experience being engaged to draw from, I don’t know if he does? I don’t okay?” You try to quell her spiral.

“God I need wine.” She grumbles, “I’m sorry, I lashed out.”

“Understandable.” You shrug, you play around with the batter, pouring it into the moulds. Tapping and then placing them in the oven.

“Are you making anything for tonight?” Wanda questions you when you hear the sound of liquid sloshing, you’re sure it's wine.

“Oh, yeah, bringing in a cake or cupcakes.” You hum, setting the timer. Back up item is the cookies you have ready to go.

“Steve’s calling, it better not be your fiancé bailing, we still have to talk about the pictures.” She reminds you before ending the call.

You press your face into your palms. Taking breaths to calm down. Glancing at the time, it is still two hours till your first order is picked up. You set an alarm for an hour from now, and a timer for the oven goods.

Heading into bed, you pull the covers over your head, closing your eyes. Trying to calm yourself. Your mind brings forth the kiss with Bucky. You groan, pressing your face into the pillow.

This is not how calming down works. Your brain compensates with Alpine, you accept. Working through the overwhelming thoughts is easier when you can remind yourself of her gentle purring.

Then it reminds you of Bucky, and that one drop of water moving from his shoulder to his chest and then that chiselled abdomen, your thighs clench in remembrance and his scent and his lips so inviting–the timer rings. You groan, pushing off of the bed to get the cupcakes out of the oven.

The scent of honey fills the apartment.

You return to bed, pulling the pillow close. Today isn’t a good brain day you declare. Closing your eyes you count sheep.

The alarm pulls you out of the count somewhere between fifty or hundred and fifty, leaving the confines of bed yet again. You smile when you bring out your packaging, the logo makes your day brighter.

Setting the cake in the box you place it back in the fridge after piping the very last details and touches. You sigh with relief. Grabbing everything to begin cleaning up.

You gather yourself, looking at the metal mixing bowl staring at yourself.

“You can do this.” You tell yourself.

“It’s just faking being a fiancé.” You assure yourself, “You just have to get through tonight and you will,”

The buzzer resounds, cutting your pep talk short.

“Hi, who is it?” You question pressing the microphone button.

“Hey, It’s Dorothy Inez, I’m here to pick up the cake, I know I’m fifteen minutes early but please take your time.” The woman explains. You glance at the clock, it's twelve currently.

“Yes, I’ll be right down, It’s ready to go!” You assure, unfolding the tray and placing the packed cake on it followed by your phone.

You shut off the oven before leaving, rolling the tray down the hallways to the elevators. Dorothy is the sweetest person gushing over the cake and excited for her daughter’s birthday.

“Please tag the page on Instagram so I can share the pictures! And please write the review on google!” You request, grinning as she gets into her car with a beaming smile.

“I will!” You hear her voice muffled as she pulls out of the parking lot.

When you roll the tray back home you realise the one crucial thing you forgot. Your keys. Fuck. Your. Life.

Wanda is going to bury you alive. Then Bucky will absolutely chew you out in the eulogy he gives as your fiancé. Steve might cry, you hope he would at least.

You stare at the door, calling your landlord. It goes to voicemail.

You try the maintenance man. He’s out of the city returning late.

You look at the door again. Resting your forehead against it.

Bucky sighs getting out of bed, rubbing his face tiredly. The weekend allowed him to take a nap from his five a.m. schedule.

The bedside clock displayed ten a.m. he contemplates most of his day seemingly free — a grocery run, his workout taking Alpine to her vet for her check up and then preparing for the only acting role of his life. Y/N’s Fiancé.

The ring gleams as if on cue, he slips it on. Alpine scratches at the door wanting to explore the apartment. When Bucky opens the door she bolts to the guest room and under the bed.

“What is even under there, you’ve been going inside again and again,” he shakes his head, bending down and using the flash to see Alpine curled up on a clothing item that was not his own.

“Al?” He questions, she looks up at him and then closes her eyes getting comfortable on the clothing item. It has to be yours, he reaches out, it's sort of a knitted material, Alpine smacks his hand with her paw.

“What the—,” He shakes his head, “Alpine that isn’t yours.” he chastises, reaching for it again, she scratches his palm. Bucky hisses, retracting his hand.

“Alpine, that was bad. It hurt.”

She only gives him a defiant look. He moves away, checking the tiny cut.

“No treats for you today.” He declares, heading to his wardrobe changing into activewear, it would suffice for groceries and his workout.

Alpine’s food is measured out and the pet smart camera placed to keep an eye on her. He peeks once more under the bed, she’s fast asleep, tiny purrs audible. Bucky takes a picture, she hides her face behind her tail at the flash but continues sleeping.

He checks his phone while locking the door heading to the parking level.

Steve: Are you free to talk?

Bucky: Yeah, give me a second to get in the car. Is everything okay?

Steve: not exactly.

Bucky lets go of a long exhale. Settling in, using the hands free to call him.

“What other tradition do you have me to follow now?” Bucky deadpans without greeting.

“Hardy, har, har.” Steve rolls his eyes, “Does your fiancé enjoy your humour?”

“She’s always smiling. I don't need to make her laugh.” He taps the steering wheel rhythmically.

“She was not always smiling.” Steve sighs, “forget I said anything.”

“What do you mean?” His brows furrow, he’s always seen you lit up like fucking sunshine.

“Bucky, it’s not my place to say and is that concern I hear?” Steve teases, Bucky makes an irritated sound.

“What is the reason you wanted to speak?” Bucky diverts the topic, navigating through the roads towards his destination.

“Well, some more guests will be there.” Steve braces for Bucky’s reaction.

“If you say the words Brock Rumlow.” Bucky grits fingers tightening.

“Okay I won’t say those words, how about Rock Brumlow.” Steve tries saying jokingly.

“Steve. I hate that guy.” Bucky glares at Steve’s contact.

“Look I don't like him either but he’s family.” He defends.

“Is his wife going to accompany him?” Bucky would have to talk to you again, if those two were there then you both were to be put through the grinder.

“Yes…” Steve admits.

“Fucking hell.” Bucky pulls into the parking lot of the store.

“I tried throwing it off, offered box seats to Rumlow but nothing worked.”

“You realise how difficult things are for us already? Why can’t Wanda and you prevent things from getting out of hand?” He demands from his best friend.

Steve stays quiet.

“Have you both informed Y/N about this?” He gazes at the roof of the car. He knows you don’t prefer Sharon either.

“Wanda’s had a sort of hard day with her. I think Wan’s overwhelmed so she needs support. I'm going to check up on her. I just wanted to give you a head’s up.” Steve taps his fingers on the table, wondering if they were biting off more than they could chew.

“Alright, but I’m not responsible if he gets a broken nose by the end of the night.” He warns.

“Buck.” Steve pinches the bridge of his nose, tired of all of the nonsense occurring.

“I’m giving him the end of the night, Steve. If it was up to me the minute he opens his stupid mouth that spews shit he would get punched.” Bucky highlights.

“There will be no punching, my mother will be there, Wan’s mum is going to be there so are the fathers so please.”

“Fine. Go console the fiancé.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

They exchange goodbyes, Bucky opens up his grocery list grabbing a trolley.

Moving through the aisles grabbing his requirements.

Checking in upon Alpine she’s playing with the timed roller ball he got her to chase around. He’s glad he invested in the nanny cam for cats.

At the checkout counter his shoulder is tapped.

He turns, looking down at the brown haired woman.

“Yes?” Bucky questions, her skin tinges red, he raises a brow.

“Um, I know this is quite forward but I think you’re very attractive,” she begins, Bucky starts to move forward in the line, it was his turn.

“So I think, that and was hoping—,” her eyes zero in on his ring as he unloads his items onto the conveyor belt.

“Oh you’re— I’m so sorry.” She nervously groans.

Bucky shakes his head, “Don’t panic.”

“No I'm just, god, I feel so embarrassed.” She runs her fingers along her forehead, “God she’s so lucky.”

“Who?” Bucky keeps an expression of indifference not catching onto her words.

“Your wife.” She shrugs as if it’s obvious.

“I see.” He pushes his cart forward, the cashier scanning the items he loads it into the reusable bags he carries.

“What, no comment? No, oh I’m the lucky one?” The woman continues, “Is it a happy marriage? if not then I could make you happy…” she gives him a smirk.

The cashier pauses, looking between the two of them. Bucky taps his card to the machine. Then he gazes at the woman. She smiles, raising her hand to his bicep.

The cashier hands him the receipt slowly, to know his response. Bucky takes a step away from the woman.

“If it even was the unhappiest of marriages, I wouldn’t go out looking for happiness.” He says taking the receipt and pushing the trolley away from the counter.

“Asshole!” The woman calls out, he pays no mind.

Loading the groceries, heading home.

He texts you to remind you of the pick up time. He spies the box of cookies in the container. He wasn’t able to visit his mother so they still remained here, untouched.

Alpine brushes along his feet, meowing to be lifted up.

“Now, you’re trying to butter me up?” He coos, lifting her up. She gives him her best kitty eyes.

“Not getting treats still.” He warns, already reaching for the treat box.

Alpine looks smug.

“Fine, but next time I will withhold treats.” He warns as he feeds her the treat.

Alpine meows, she sounds sassy. Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Alright Al, I’m heading to the gym, then we go out okay?” He tells her, bending down to be eye level. She boops his nose with her own and scurries off into the guest room. Bucky follows her, sure enough she’s curled up on your dress again.

He finishes his workout, returning to take a shower and lure Alpine into her harness, when they head for his car. Alpine looks up at him quizzically.

“Just driving around.” He explains, entering the car and clicking her lead onto the seatbelt. She stands on her hind paws looking out of the window when he begins to drive.

It’s all going well, Bucky knows the next turn and Alpine will run under the car seat. He takes the turn Alpine, meows loudly and rushes to hide.

“Alpine cmon, I’ll give you treats.” He bribes while parking.

“Al,” He reaches for her and she smacks his hand away again. Hissing.

“I know you hate this place,” Opening the glove box he retrieves the treat baggie.

Twirling it at the edge of the seat, the sound of the wrapping has Alpine bound up. Bucky catches her easily and the bag is left inside. Alpine turns her head away from him.

“I know, I know.” He shakes his head, she looks at everything but Bucky.

The receptionist greets them, then Dr. Sam Wilson comes out.

“How is my favourite cat?” He questions. Alpine glares at him.

“Takes after her father.” Sam chuckles, Bucky is unimpressed.

“She’s offended I lured her here.” He explains walking towards the examination room.

“Ah, well, we’ll fix that.” Sam grins at Alpine, she sniffs at his palm, shifting closer to Bucky.

“Alpine, c’mon I’ll get you those fish treats prescribed.” He chuckles.

“Absolutely not.” Bucky places her down on the table, undoing her harness.

Alpine stays still, sitting watching Sam as he gathers his tools.

Bucky’s phone rings, he ignores it, focusing on Alpine. Sam goes through the steps checking her and his assistant ticking things off, making notes.

Then it rings again, he closes his eyes annoyed.

Sam looks up at him, “Hey, answer it, she’s alright till now.”

Bucky meets Sam’s gaze and shakes his head, “No, it can wait.”

Sam goes through the remaining steps, Alpine protests lightly when he checks her paws nipping at his hand.

“Hey.” He chastises. She mewls trying to be cute.

“It's okay, I know this is annoying, almost done.” Sam coos, rubbing under her chin, she purrs.

“She’s doing good, her vaccines are next month. So bring her in then, the appointment will be scheduled for you.” Sam smiles and offers Alpine a treat, she happily consumes it. Bucky moves forward from his seat to tie the harness again.

“Oh congratulations man.” Sam beams.

“What?” Bucky looks at him once the buckle is latched.

“The ring…” The vet gestures.

“Oh um, thanks.” Bucky nods.

“Welcome.” Sam eyes him a little ways.

When they are back in the car and Bucky gives Alpine the original treats then he checks his phone. Two missed calls from you.

“What now?” He grumbles.

He calls back, it rings once and you pick up.

“Hey, um, I hope I’m not interrupting anything important.” Your voice is hesitant, Bucky resists rolling his eyes.

“You were, which is why I didn’t answer earlier.” He says, checking the mirrors.

“Okay, well since you’ve called back which indicates you have time, I am in a bit of a mess.” You wince when you hear him click his tongue.

“What kind of mess?” He questions, this better not be something stupid.

“Well, I had a delivery… rather pick up, I locked myself out… It is the weekend the landlord isn’t home and maintenance is going to be here at six thirty.” You explain.

“The maintenance will be there at the time we have to leave?” He repeats.

“Yes…”

“I could come at seven, you would get half an hour.” Bucky checks the time, it's three p.m.

You don’t answer for several seconds processing his words. You didn’t exactly ask for help.

“Are you still on the call?” He questions.

“Y-yeah, thanks for clearing that up.” You press your lips into a thin line.

“Alright then, seven p.m.” He repeats.

“Yeah. Thanks.” You cut the call.

Bucky looks over at Alpine as he shifts gears. She gazes up at him, then turns clambering over to the window to gaze outside.

You stare at the phone contemplating calling him again and asking for help. You sigh. Your stomach is growling. You wince. Resting your head against the door. It seemed as if none of your neighbours were home either. No one answered their door. No one is returning home, happening upon you, helping you.

Pushing yourself off of the ground, you could use digital payment apps at the grocery store and buy things it would help.

You contemplate calling Wanda or Steve. Your phone ison twenty percent, could suffice if you don’t scroll through social media.

Walking towards the elevator, your thumb hovering over the contact name, you press the call button. Her phone’s busy. You try Steve the same with him. Sucking it up you open the text thread typing out the message.

Y/N: Hey Wan, sorry to add on top of your difficult day, I locked myself out while giving my 12 o’clock delivery. In a way it's good I don’t have further deliveries to make. I’m headed to the grocery store getting hungry, maintenance will be here at six thirty, I’ve told Bucky he’ll be there at seven so we might get delayed. But the bad news is the muffins won't be done so you will have to settle for the cookies. I’ve got it covered so don’t panic.

You slip your phone back, the band-aid ripped off.

The doors open and you head to the store. Gathering snack items and two bottles of water. Standing in line you check your phone for a response and then you see it, you texted Bucky accidentally. Fuck.

Twenty minutes have gone by, you delete the message, not bothering to send a corrective message. Your turn is called to the counter and the cashier begins to scan the items.

“You take apple pay right?” You question the cashier, shaking his head, “The machines are not working so we’re doing swipe cards and cash only.”

“I don’t have my cards on me…” You look at him, he shrugs.

“Next!” He calls out.

Even the store five minutes down from it doesn’t have apple pay, you head back dejectedly to the apartment.

When the elevator opens to your floor Bucky stands near your door, raising his phone to his ear, your own rings in your pocket.

“James?” Your brows furrow.

“Where were you, I checked the grocery store?” He demands, eyes moving over your form.

“I tried going to another one but they didn’t take apple pay either.” You walk up to him, offering a smile.

“Why didn’t you say anything more on the call?” He questions.

“I didn’t want to be a bother.” You shrug, “You were busy anyways.”

Bucky scoffs, “Do you have that much pride that you can’t ask for help? Why didn’t you call Steve or Wanda earlier?”

“They are busy and have too much on their plates…” You reason, hand moving to your stomach.

“Here.” Bucky hands you a take out bag from McDonalds.

“It's nuggets and fries, and a milkshake.” he explains, you moan and the scent.

“Thank you.” You settle onto the floor taking the nuggets out.

Bucky looks down at you, “Just because someone has a lot on their plate does not mean you cannot still ask for help.”

Mid bite you look up at him.

“If they can’t help at least they could try to contact someone to help you.” He continues, watching you as you eat. There isn’t an expression on his face but his gaze is hard.

“Did you eat breakfast?” He questions.

“Yeah I did.” You answer, looking back down at your food.

He says nothing further and you eat the remaining food in silence.

When you’re done you place everything in the bag.

“Come on.” Bucky offers his left hand to you, “Let's go.”

“Go where?”

“To my car, I have a charger and water so you can charge your phone and sit in a comfortable seat.” He explains, you take his hand.

“Thank you.” You smile at him.

His hand does not leave yours till you reach his car. He opens your door for you, then sets up the charger for you.

“You didn’t have to come out but, thank you that you did.” You genuinely tell him, Bucky looks up from his phone at you.

“Alpine misses you.” He blurts, what the fuck, Bucky? He scolds himself.

“She does?” You question smiling at the thought of her, “I missed her too, was having such a difficult morning, thinking about her soothed me.” You admit.

“I think one of your dresses, the cream-ish one, was left behind. She's got it under the guest room bed. I don’t know if you will get it back, however.” He explains, you laugh.

“She’s a possessive lil fur ball.” You observe.

He nods, a few stands of his hair escaping the low set short ponytail, his hair was longer but not enough to be held into a hair-tie he had made. He tucks them back.

A moment of silence passes over the two of you, prompting you to look down at your phone.

“Did you hear about the guests joining us?”

“I did.”

“You know she’s only there to have us fumble.” You tell him.

“I believe you have a proposition to counteract that?” He raises a brow, you nod.

“Twenty questions. Basic stuff.”

“Alright.” He keeps his phone away. Facing you.

“Wait, who’s with Alpine if you’re here?”

“She can stay alone for periods of time, if I’m gone for longer my neighbours have two cats Alpine gets on well with.” He explains.

“Okay.”

“How many members are there in your family?” He notices your demeanour change, you look away from him.

“Parents, a brother and a sister. We aren’t on speaking terms.” You quietly add.

“Understandable.” He watches your gaze turn curious.

“Do you not want to know, why?” you watch his reaction, he shakes his head.

“It’s a personal thing, I’m not going to pry into it.” he shrugs. You look at him. He waits patiently for your next question.

“Who are you closest with in your family?” There is a warmth that pools in his blue eyes when you ask the question.

“My mother.” He answers, these don’t seem as though basic questions.

“When did you start baking?”

“During lockdown I started taking it seriously and practising techniques otherwise it was just a hobby.”

“When did you meet Alpine?”

“She was hiding under my car, apparently one of the neighbours had a pregnant cat and one of the kittens ran off, that kitten? Alpine. About three years ago.”

“Are you allergic to anything?”

“Yes. Dust. Are you?”

“Not really.” He ponders over it, “No, not allergic to anything.”

“Where did you go to college?”

“NYU. What about you?”

“Columbia and then Harvard.” He runs his palm over his stubble.

“Impressive.”

“What is your favourite colour?” He questions, he thinks you might prefer green or black.

“Oh um, I have three actually — red, black and purple.”

“I see.”

“What is your tattoo?” your gaze falls to his left arm.

“It's a sleeve, different elements— I have an aspect of Brooklyn, my mother’s favourite flower, lavenders drawn by my sister. I add to it every few years.the most recent were Alpine’s paw prints.” he shrugs.

“Do you have any tattoos?”

“No, sometimes I think I should get one, but I don’t know what it would be.” You shrug, “Maybe over my collar bone or wrist? Something small to commemorate an important event or aspect.”

“It’s a good way to look at it. Meaningful.” he adds.

“Have you been in any long term relationships?” you think back to Shaina.

“I have before, they lasted a year each.” he shrugs.

“Okay.”

“Have you had long term relationships?” He questions giving you a once over.

“Um, two years ago I was in one that lasted three years.”

His brows furrow curiosity coats his tongue.

“He wanted to settle down, I agreed but things happened and he decided I wasn’t the one to settle down with apparently.” The humourless chuckle has Bucky gaze at you.

“What is the most reckless thing you have done?” you look up at him.

“Does skinny dipping in Colorado count? It was a hot tub but we skinny dipped then ran to our rooms.” He recalls the image of Steve running, the crinkles by Bucky’s eyes appearing slightly. You smile.

“What is one thing you want to do?” he questions.

“I want to be happy.” it slips out, “I want to be happily eating desserts around the world.” you correct yourself.

Bucky swallows, it's been about an hour.

“Dream vacation?” you question.

“I want to go to Sark, it’s an isle, apparently it’s a natural observatory for stars, zero light pollution.” he looks at you,

“Sark. I can’t believe another person knows about it.” You beam, “Although only bicycles and tractors are allowed, I think I want to change my previous answer to riding a bicycle like knowing how to ride without training wheels.”

Before Bucky can say anything your phone begins to ring. You grab it, answering, “Hey Mr. Stevens, oh you’re here okay, I’ll be up in a minute. Thank you.”

You look up to Bucky, “That was—,”

“I gathered, I’ll pick you up at seven still, should give you enough time for those cupcakes.” He places his hand on the gear stick, other on the steering. You reach for his hand hesitating but then give it a squeeze.

He glares at your hand, remembering what you’ve said before. This isn’t some chance for him to forgive you.

“Thank you, I appreciate what you did for me.” You smile at him, he stares at you.

“I didn’t do this for you, I did it for Steve and Wanda. If they have to suffer because of your irresponsible nature I am not going to let it happen.” He unlocks the doors.

You stare at him for a few moments, wordlessly you leave. Reminded of his cruel words from years prior. It was stupid to think he could be decent or civil.

You close the car door, not sparing a glance to him, he pulls out of the garage heading home.

At ten minutes to seven you’re ready, the box of cupcakes, your bag with your keys and phone and wallet are all on the counter waiting to be grabbed.

You give yourself a once over, it isn’t the original outfit but you think it's good, a navy off shoulder jumpsuit with full sleeves it brings out your figure without being inappropriate. It’s one of your ‘I feel fucking badass in this outfit’ outfit.

At the final touch up to your make-up your phone chimes.

Bucky: I’m in the parking lot.

Y/N: heading down.

You grab everything, giving a final check and making sure the oven is off. Locking up, you head downstairs. He’s on his phone again in the car, not acknowledging you. Opening the door you carefully manoeuvre to sit, placing the box in your lap and shutting the door.

“Hey.” You greet, he says nothing, pulling out of the lot.

Y/N: Hey, we’re on our way, hope it's going okay?

Wanda: yeah the two spawns on satan aren’t here yet.

You laugh.

Y/N: 😂😂 don’t worry the two angels of god are coming to protect you both.

Wanda: very funny, if y’all pull off this tonight I’m going to be in your debt for life.

Y/N: buy me a kitchen aid and call it even.

Wanda: i do have steve’s amex 👀

Y/N: lol two kitchen aids then.

Wanda: extortion

Y/N: I’ll tell James to turn the car around.

Wanda: I'll get you the rose gold one with the pasta attachment.

Y/N: we’re still Enroute.

Bucky focuses on the road, his conversation with Steve doing little to help.

“Let the grudge go, it was six years ago.” Steve groans.

“Let it go?” Bucky scoffs.

“Look I’m sure she didn’t mean it and if it bothers you why don’t you clear the air with her?” He offers.

“I don’t want to speak to her more than the bare minimum.” He sounds as though a broken record.

“What do you want me to say? You are our respective best friends. We'd love to not walk around eggshells. Have everyone hangout.” Steve sighs yet again.

“I apologise for all the fucking inconvenience.” Bucky cuts the call.

Bucky shifts the gear, the movement jerky because of his anger. You look at his hand then at his face. The red stoplight gleams off of his skin. He turns his gaze to you.

You look back down, tucking your phone away and begin to gaze outside. Your skin heats when you’re caught staring.

Bucky shifts his hand to the control centre, selecting the music to begin playing.

After Hours by The Weeknd plays picking up from his playlist, he gazes back at the road. Your eyes move to his hands as he shifts gears again, then he manoeuvres the steering wheel with just the lower edge of his palm. The ring gleams lazily due to the street lamps.

You swallow, he repeats the movement, making the turn smoothly then his fingers wrap around the wheel again. The veins of his hand are now prominent. You shift in your seat.

Mind bringing back the way he cupped your jaw, the way he held your skin, the warmth of his breath ghosting your cheek.

“Do you have a comment on my driving?” He gazes towards you.

“No,” Your voice comes out breathless, clearing your throat, “No, I don’t.” you attempt again, “I was, just, merely, observing.”

Bucky observes your shift in the seat. His gaze keeps shifting between you and the road. The traffic isn’t much, the road is almost clear surprisingly.

Bucky presses down on the accelerator, the car hums in content, you observe the speedometer gauge move higher.

He shifts through the lanes overtaking the other cars.

You smile, enjoying the way everything blurs. Heart racing as he keeps speeding, the numbers hit triple digits.

You laugh, Bucky finds surprise encompassing him.

“You aren’t scared?” He questions, the car slows in the slightest.

“No.” You look up at him, “I enjoy the whole speeding aspect of drives.”

You don’t catch his hum over the music, he lowers the volume as your destination nears, speed going back into the lawful limit.

“How do you want to enter?” You question, contemplating your own answer.

“I would suggest holding hands. It’s simple.” He says, “I’ll hold your box in my free hand.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to–,”

“I’m supposed to be doing these things for you being fake engaged and all.” He cuts you off, there are a few cars in the driveway. Bucky parks his Audi behind Steve’s BMW.

“Um, also what about PDA? Cheek kisses?” You undo your seatbelt.

“Do you mean actual cheek kisses or the one where we both go to kiss each others’ cheek?” He’s teasing you, your cheeks heat.

“We’ll see how it is inside and improvise.” You declare.

“Wait.” He opens his door, jogging out to your side, he opens your door, taking the box from you.

As you get out, tidying your outfit, grabbing your purse and closing the door he grasps your hand. His eyes move over you, lingering over your collar bones and then your hips. You take in his all black outfit, somehow it brings out his eyes even more.

Walking towards the door Wanda opens it before you can ring it, Bucky motions for you to step in first without letting go of your hand.

“The cupcakes are um,” You say as Steve appears, a look of relief on his features.

“Thanks, I'll take them off his hands.” Steve takes the box from Bucky.

“Thanks.” Bucky says, his freehand now in his pocket.

Bucky observes him quietly, you gaze between the two.

“Oh there they are! The happy couple! How come you didn’t tell anyone anything Y/N!” Sharon’s voice is sickly sweet and octaves high pitched.

You purse your lips then smile at her, your grip on Bucky’s hand tightening, “Hi Sharon, no we did tell close friends.”

That has her pause mid step, “Well Brock and I have been travelling you know how his work whisks me around the world.”

“Why don’t we let them step inside, Sharon?” Wanda gives a tightlipped smile.

“You can finish your unnecessary interrogation later.” Bucky adds, her eyes narrow.

You all make your way to the living room, the sets of parents grin up at the two of you and the mothers coo at your intertwined hands with Bucky.

“Oh sweetheart I’m so happy you found someone.” Wanda’s mother envelopes you into a hug. You smile, “I am too.”

Steve’s mother smiles brightly at Bucky, he dips his head.

“All this time both of you are hiding right under our noses.” She pinches his cheeks, Bucky says nothing, she envelopes him in a hug and your hands part momentarily.

“So tell us!” The gush after letting the two of you go, the dads just offer the two of you happy smiles. It was hard lying to them, but they knew the two of you very well. Trusting their children with you.

“What–,”

“Oh wait, I didn't get a hug.” Sharon pouts, moving to you enveloping you into a hug. Bucky rolls his eyes. You pat Sharon’s back, Brock enters the room as she pulls away then grabs your left hand.

As she pulls away, she grabs your left hand, “Oh.” She looks up at Bucky, disappointment lacing her single word.

“Oh Barnes is investment banking not working out for you?” Brock singers observing the ring, you pull your hand out of Sharon’s hold.

“We tend to look at the emotion rather than the size of the diamond to compensate for the lack of other things.” You smile sweetly, turning back to the moms.

“The hell did you–,”

“Why so defensive Brock?” Bucky raises an eyebrow, “Also Sharon, these are wedding bands,” He turns to the mothers as well, “Y/N and I decided to save up for the wedding and I didn’t want to roam without a ring, so I bought our bands for the engagement.” he wraps an arm around your waist. You smile, resting your head against his shoulder.

Wanda and Steve exchange a glance.

Sharon is pissed off and moves to the kitchen, Brock rushes behind her.

“Still upset you didn’t tell us.” Steve’s mother complains, “But it’s her so I’m going to let it slide. Oh Winnie must have been over the moon.”

Bucky’s grip on you tightens, “I, well, yes.”

Steve facepalms.

“Is Winnie not amazing?” She looks at you expectantly, you swallow the lump in your throat.

“She is, I’m thankful.” You smile hoping it quells her curiosity, you hadn’t considered this aspect.

“Mom, should I bring out the dips and chips? You worked so hard.” Wanda interrupts, looking at you and tilting her head.

“I’ll help.” you begin moving over.

“Now, now, you have to tell us the story,” Steve’s mother has you pause.

“Bucky, you want a drink?” Steve questions.

“Yeah.” He begins to move from you.

“You too young man.” Wanda’s mum stops him.

You both settle onto the opposite couch, Steve and Wanda rush to bring everything, their nervousness seeping into the air.

Sharon returns wine glass in hand and sits on Brock’s lap being overly affectionate.

“It’s not an inquisition.” Steve’s dad laughs while taking a sip of his beer.

“We know, just, we know we didn’t tell any of you either we didn’t want to take away from Steve and Wanda.” Bucky smoothens his palm over his thigh.

“For six months?” Sharon giggles as she returns.

“I will stab her.” You mumble.

“I’ll be your alibi.” Bucky whispers back prompting you to laugh. You hear Bucky huff but you’re pretty sure it would be a laugh.

Sharon’s eyes narrow at your whispering. Brock kisses her cheek,

“We’ll get em baby.” He whispers to her.

“Yes, why wait so long?” Wanda’s dad eyes the two of you.

“Well, you know how things with my parents are…” You shift, Bucky’s palm touches your knee.

“How are they so in sync?” Wanda murmurs to Steve.

“I don’t know, they look like an actual couple.” Steve murmurs to her, both take a sip of their drinks and try to mask their disbelief.

“He made her laugh.” Wanda pinches her fiancé’s arm, Steve hisses, “Okay not an alternative dimension or dream.” She declares.

“Ah, yes, I do, well, I’m sure if they knew Bucky they would love him.” Her dad smiles.

“They would.” You agree.

“You okay?” Bucky questions, you turn to look at him. You almost, almost forget he’s asking out of obligation. You nod.

“You?”

“I am.” He nods, you both look ahead to find everyone gazing adoringly your way.

Bucky looks up at Steve. He gives a discreet thumbs up.

“Well let’s all head for dinner.” Wanda’s mum stands, everyone follows her into the dining room. You move into the kitchen to help bring the dishes out. Wanda gives your hand a squeeze in reassurance.

Steve and Bucky move into the kitchen to help out as well as Wanda and you take out the dinner plates to set them.

You and Wanda carry out the casserole utensils, Bucky catches your gaze, you offer him a small smile. He nods at you.

Steve hands him the glasses to arrange on a tray to carry.

“I can’t believe she settled with you after her ex.” Brock chuckles making his way to the wine fridge. Bucky pays him no mind.

“What no response? You know then he was better, even had a ring ready with a bigger rock.” The man tries again to no avail.

Bucky arranges the glasses, physically trying to restrain himself from breaking the man’s nose, or something.

“Too bad she didn’t know how to keep his dick with only her–FUCK!”

Bucky has Brock pushed against the wall, one hand gripping his collar. The other pushed his face into the wall.

Steve tries to pry Bucky away to no avail.

“You both better not start something here.” Steve warns them.

Wanda peeks into the kitchen and motions for you to come over quickly. Sharon was watching while sipping on her drink.

“What is going on?” Wanda demands.

“Bastard can’t handle the truth about his fake ass fiancé.” Brock mutters, Bucky glares at him.

“Shut your fucking mouth, Rumlow.” He warns.

“Brock what the hell is this obsession with their engagement?” Steve demands.

You walk in, your eyes immediately find Bucky.

“James?” You call out, he looks back at you.

Brock uses this moment to land a punch on Bucky’s mouth, he hisses. Stumbling back the back of his hand on his lip. You move forward anticipating he would lash out.

As you grab the sleeve of his shirt Bucky tenses, “Y/N.” he says as a warning.

“Oh so you can keep a man in line?” Brock sniggers.

“Sharon ask your man to shut the fuck up.” You seethe, “I don’t care the fuck you think or want, you do fucking not insult my fiancé by talking about my ex or what you think went down.” You glare at Brock.

“I saw what went down and who he went down with, spoiler alert it ain't you sweet cheeks let me tell you keep this one inside you if you want to keep the ring on your finger otherwise you’re going to end up sad and alone again. Beck got rid of you. Fucking baking business, no wonder you had to go behind Barnes for finances. Tell me Barnes she jumped on your dick how many–,” Brock can’t complete the sentence because Bucky’s fist connects with his nose. There isn’t a crush but it does the damage.

Brock staggers back, then Bucky moves forward again, blocking the incoming hit from Brock, landing another punch to his cheekbone.

“Don’t you dare, speak about her again. If I catch you even fucking thinking about Y/N in anyway that is anything other than respectful, I will make sure your nose needs to meet the doctor you took Sharon to last year.”

Steve facepalms before pulling Bucky away. Wanda looks towards you. You’re staring at your hand that was grasping his shirt, now empty. His words rang in the air.

You remind yourself he’s playing a part.

“You asshole!” Sharon moves leading Brock out of the kitchen.

“I’m going to fucking get you for this Barnes.” He calls out.

You wordlessly move to the fridge with a glass and grab the napkin, the ice releases into the glass. You then hand the ice filled napkin to Bucky. He takes it, leaning against the kitchen counter watching you. Pressing it to his jaw.

“Go and handle things outside.” You tell Steve and Wanda, they scurry out.

Finding the first aid box from under the knife drawer you open it next to Bucky, removing the alcohol wipes and the cream.

When you face him, he moves the cloth away, you stand on your tiptoes to inspect it.

The bottom lip on the left side is busted at the corner, but not too deep. A bruise is forming over his jaw.

“Could you sit on the chair?” You request, he moves and settles, looking up at you now.

You gather the items, opening the alcohol wipe packet. Slowly placing it against his cut, Bucky doesn’t wince his eyes trained upon you.

You don’t meet his gaze focusing on the task.

“It doesn’t look too deep, no need for stitches.” You murmur, moving to grab the ointment.

You shift closer, standing between his parted legs.

Bucky finds warmth on his jaw when your fingers carefully prompt him to turn his head, they remain there as you coat a cotton swab to apply the ointment.

Your eyes finally lift to his when you’re done tending to the cut.

Bucky gazes into your eyes, unwavering, raw emotion and he finds anger in there too.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” You tell him, he rolls his eyes, “He was insulting me to get a rise out of you.”

“I know what he was attempting. He deserved it.” Bucky grumbles.

Your thumb traces over the bruise carefully. Concern drips from your eyes.

The proximity gets too much for Bucky.

“You aren’t obligated to tend to my wounds, putting on a show.” He whispers.

“I wasn’t putting on a show—,” Your eyes lift back to azure, his palm wraps around your wrist.

“Don’t drag this more than required.” He pushes your hand away, the warmth now a searing burn on his jaw at the loss of your touch.

You bite the inside of your cheek gathering the trash and throwing it, placing the first aid box back into the drawer.

Steve’s dad comes into the kitchen, “We’ve asked Brock and Sharon to leave, Steve told us what he said, don’t believe a word he spoke kiddo.”

You say nothing while washing your hands.

Bucky watches as Mr. Roger’s gaze moves from you to him, “You did the right thing son, even if she told you to stop he deserved those punches.”

He nods, “Thank you for throwing him out, could have landed more.”

You turn, crossing your arms and leaning against the counter.

“Look, we don’t care if you didn’t tell us, we just want you both to be honest. Which we know you are, so come on out to dinner in five minutes.” His dad walks over to Bucky, patting his back.

He pauses to give you a smile, you return it then he moves out.

Bucky and you remain in the kitchen.

Wanda returns, “Thank you for what you did.”

He nods.

She moves over to you, “You okay? You know he’s bullshitting, right.”

“Brock wasn’t, Beck did cheat on me, it wasn’t just that one time.” You admit quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She grabs your shoulders.

“We were in a rough patch, too the first time and then things got better so…” You shrug, “Never came up.”

“Anyways lets head out to dinner okay?” You smile at her.

Bucky scoffs, “Unbelievable, fucking hell.” He says, while going to retrieve a beer, “Where is Steve?”

“Upstairs in his room.” She tells him then looks back at you, Bucky and you watch each other as he moves out of the kitchen.

“You want to tell me what is going on between the two of you?” Wanda questions. You sigh.

Then begin pouring out everything to her as she shuts the sliding door to the kitchen.

“You kissed her?!” Steve yells.

Bucky gives him an exasperated look, “Yell louder.”

“You kissed him?!” Wanda covers her mouth with her hand.

“Would you like a mega phone?” You ask, glaring at her.

“How was it? What did you feel?” Steve wonders, the fact the two of them couldn’t tolerate each other and yet kissed was baffling.

Bucky traces the neck of the beer bottle, he contemplates.

“Did you think of it beyond that night?” Wanda questions.

You fiddle with the straw of your drink.

“It doesn’t matter, the things said prior. Forgiveness does not come by easily.” Bucky looks up, Steve nods.

Both of them stand heading towards the dining room. Their brows furrow as the Wanda and you are still missing.

“Still inside.” Wanda’s mom tells them, “She seems shaken up. Take her out for some ice cream later, make it a double date.” She suggests.

“Sure, Ma.” Steve agrees, Bucky settles into his seat, opposite to your empty one. His gaze moves down to the ring.

Somehow it weighs heavy.

Dinner is a quiet affair after Wanda and you join the table. The parents mostly make conversation with the real couple.

You feel Bucky’s gaze on you several times, you make it a point not to meet his eyes. You catch yourself several times peeking up at him while he was in conversation with Steve.

The goodbyes are said as Wanda and Steve make their way out, under the pretence of a double date for ice cream but you all knew you were going in different directions.

“God, I’m tired.” Wanda groans, leaning against Steve’s car.

“I thought you didn’t believe in him?” He teases her.

“Very funny.” She narrows her eyes at him, lightly smacking his arm.

He laughs, pressing his lips to her temple.

You chuckle, watching them while walking towards Bucky’s car.

“Oh hey, Y/N, I’ll drop you home. Bucky is heading to his mother’s house.” Steve motions for you to go along with them.

You look at Bucky, he doesn’t meet your gaze getting into his car. Though his ears are trained on the conversation.

“Just a second.” You say moving to Bucky’s side, you tap on the glass he lowers it.

“What is it?” He seems irritated, the streetlamp illuminating his features.

“I just wanted to say, thank you, I know I reacted differently I didn’t expect that you’d do what you did and I—,”

“Are you done?” Bucky shifts the gear, cutting you off.

Your lips pressed into a thin line, he was being closed off again. You nod.

The glass moves upwards and you begin walking to Steve’s car.

Wanda gets inside when you do, Steve lingers to meet Bucky’s gaze through the windshield. He shakes his head in disapproval.

Bucky’s grip tightens on the wheel and his eyes narrow at his best friend. He navigates onto the lane, Steve follows behind before the move in separate directions.

Bucky sighs once the house is out of view, when he takes his next inhale the scent of the damn cupcakes and you still linger in his car.

The hands free system rings his brows furrowed watching his mother’s contact display across the screen.

“Hey Ma.” He greets,

“Don’t ‘hey ma’, me. Who in the world are you engaged to and why am I finding out from Steve’s mother? And not my own son?” She yells, Bucky closes his eyes pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Ma it isn’t like that—,”

“So what, you're not engaged and the photo she sent me of the dinner with rings on your fingers is fake? You better get your ass and your fiancé home, tomorrow. She’s beautiful. Six months? Six months!” She cuts the call before he can protest and declines his remaining call attempts.

When he reaches home Bucky’s hands hover above your contact name.

“Fucking hell, why is this so hard.” He mutters, turning away to retrieve a bottle of water from the fridge. He then hears the distinct dialling tone of a video call.

Bucky turns around swiftly, Alpine paws at the screen watching herself, the call dialling you. He groans.

A.N: please let me know what you think! i am having so much fun writing this series! thank you for reading!!

tagging: @slutforsexyseabass @elle14-blog1 @sxnshinebxcky @sebsgirl71479 @pandaxnienke @stevesmewmew @tfandtws @povlvr @tanyaspartak @maggiejackson3 @brodymarx @stickyjudgeturtleghost (strikedthrough if unable to be tagged)

taglist open!!

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whatsk-poppinhomies · 1 year

Text

“I need someone who loves me, and you clearly don’t.” Pairing : Bangchan x F!Reader TW : general angst ; Chan is kind of an asshole ; Word Count : 2.2k

What is love, really? Is it a word thrown in between two nouns, spoken solely because it’s become habitual? Is it a theme, made into any form of entertainment whether it be movies or music, something used to create feelings within those who don’t know the true meaning? Is it used, said, to build the false hope within people that one day they’ll get this magical “love” that is portrayed as sparkles and hearts and romance? Love is nothing more than a money making propaganda, something that is built on year after year, a marketing ploy with its own special month, it is nothing more, it is nothing less. Love was once something special, a word whispered between two people at a perfect moment, at the right time, a declaration of sorts. Love was nothing now, love had been nothing for so long, and does anyone even know when it truly turned to nothing?

“I don’t know… Maybe I’m just doing something wrong?” You mused as you absentmindedly moved through the aisles of the store, fingering through racks of clothes that looked to have been just set out. “Maybe I need to set up a date night or something, just to try to bring that spark back… You know?” You finally looked up at your friend who was leaning across the rack of clothes, eyeing you with both confusion and pity.

Her eyebrows were arched, but her lips were pouted as she let out a disappointed scoff, shaking her head. “Oh, hon… There was never a spark in the first place.” Your jaw dropped when she said it, quickly shaking your own head in disagreement. “I’m serious. I mean maybe there was… But it lasted about as long as a lit match in a hurricane. There’s no amount of dates that can fix that.”

Your eyes rolled as you pulled off one of the sweater dresses, holding it up to your body and looking at yourself in the mirror, a solemn smile on your face as you thought about the occasion that you could wear an outfit like that for. “Maybe we just need to find the time to be more… intimate.” And she groaned loudly, dramatically gagging as she turned away from you. “Oh come ooon, I’d listen to you if you needed to have a talk like this, and I wouldn’t react the way you are right now. Why can’t you just listen?”

A loud huff escaped her as she ran her hand through her hair. “Because I’d never need to have this kind of conversation. Because I’d leave a guy when I found out that he didn’t love me, and it surely wouldn’t take me three years to realize it.” Her words hit you like a brick, not because the information was new, but because she was just pointing out the one thing that you didn’t want to bring yourself to realize, the one thing that you were so scared to admit to yourself that you tried to block it out. “Y/N… I know that you love him… There’s nothing more obvious in the world than your love for him… But he doesn’t love you back. I’m sorry…”

Your bottom lip trembled still as you tried to hold it still between your teeth, soft sniffles accompanied by shaky breaths had you quickly hanging up the dress and rushing out of the store, not keen to the idea of having a breakdown in the middle of the mall. Was it that noticeable? Could everyone else see it just as well as you could that his love for you wasn’t just faded, but gone entirely? “What do I do?” You choked out, standing outside the mall as the brisk winds of November whipped around you, blowing your hair in all directions and chilling you through the thick coat that you were wearing.

She had so much to say, but now she was silent, wrapping her arm around you and leading you to the car, leaving you with thoughts and contemplations, worries and wonders of what to do, and what would be to come. “Do what’s best for Y/N…” She murmured, finally finding what she thought to be the right words. “But you deserve to be with someone who will give you back just as much love as I know you can give.”

The drive to your home took too long, letting you sit in the passenger side of her car, dwelling on your thoughts and her words, but it also didn’t take long enough, and you were soon sitting outside of your apartment, the windows seeming to stare down at you menacingly, as if they knew just what you were thinking and exactly what was about to happen. “I’ll talk to you later tonight…” You whispered, giving her the best smile you could muster before climbing out of the car.

Your feet felt like lead, barely able to pick them up to carry you through the front doors, and you were practically shuffling over to the elevator that would bring you up to your floor. He had moved into your apartment with you, something that you had been so excited for when he brought it up, that is, until he proclaimed that it was only because it was still close enough to the office and he’d be able to get some work done away from the guys.

It was still a rare occasion to be able to see him, even if he did live with you, he was always at the office, and even though his reason for moving in with you was partly to have some alone time away from the guys, he was always with them. That thought alone had your feet losing most of the weight that you felt in them, the new found hope filled promise that he’d be gone still, to let you think things over, think about how you’d talk to him, how you’d bring up everything that had been shared between you and your friend.

As you walked through the front door, you were shocked to see Chan sitting on the couch, hunched over his laptop like he usually was, but a quick glance at the clock let you know that it was too early for him to be here, he usually wasn’t even back home until you were fast asleep. “Wow, you’re home early…” You commented, kicking your shoes off and hanging up your purse and your coat in the closet before heading into the living room, dropping down into the recliner across from him.

“Yeah, it’s just easier for me to work here, it’s peaceful.” He mumbled, not even lifting his head to look at you over the screen, but his words had you filling with a little bit of hope. Did your apartment bring him peace because it was a part of you, because he was surrounded with pictures and objects that reminded him of you? “Well, it was… I thought you’d be gone a little longer and I’d get some work done.”

The smile that he hadn’t even caught you wearing quickly dropped, and you swallowed down the hope like it was a pill, one that was far too big and it got lodged in your throat, choking off your air. “We couldn’t stay out too long… She had to go to work…” You muttered the lie, not wanting him to know that you almost had an emotional breakdown at work, although you were sure that he wouldn’t even care.

“Shame… I guess I can go to the room…” He grumbled, closing up his laptop and shaking his head as he leaned back against the couch cushion, running his hands over his face and letting out a loud yawn. He wasn’t even your boyfriend anymore, it didn’t feel that way, he was more like a roommate. “Do you think you can bring me a glass of water though so I can have it while I work?” It wasn’t the question itself that had your nails digging into the lap of your jeans, creating thin white lines in the dark denim fabric, no… It was the way he said it. It wasn’t a question, it was an expectation, like you were no more than a maid or a servant to him, your presence not needed, but convenient for things like this.

“Do you even love me anymore?” You blurted out, staring at him with eyes that were already filling with tears. You knew the answer before he even said it, the way he reacted to it, the roll of his eyes and the sigh that already sounded like he was exhausted with the conversation before it began. “Why are you here? Why are you still here if you don’t?”

He groaned loudly, pushing himself up off the couch and heading into the kitchen, avoiding the questions that should be so simply answered by him. He had all the answers, and you had the right to know, so why was he walking away from it? You quickly got up, following behind him and grabbing his arm, forcing him to look at you, to answer you. “Why are you bringing this up now? I’m busy. You know that I’m busy.”

Your head shook quickly, your jaw set as you glared up at him with blurry eyes, your nose twitching from the sniffles that you were trying so hard to hold back. “You’re always fucking busy. Answer the damn question, Christopher.” You hissed, your voice breaking on his name and your head quickly dropping to momentarily blink away the tears.

“It seems like you already know the answer to your questions, Y/N. Why do you need me to answer them?” He sounded so snide, so cocky in his response that it took everything in you not to hit him, to let yourself lash out at him. It seemed too easy for him to brush it off, to brush you off, and it truly seemed like your emotions, your feelings didn’t matter to him, and it had you questioning whether they ever had. “And why does it even matter? It’s not like all of this is new, it’s not like I’m acting any differently than I have been for the past year and a half… What difference will any of these questions make?”

Your fists were clenched at your sides, your body shaking with anger and heavy breaths that seemed impossible to breathe in past the lump that was in your throat. “Be…Because I need someone who loves me, and you clearly don’t. I wasn’t keeping you around because it was convenient for you, it sure as hell wasn’t convenient for me. I let you stay here because I thought… I thought that there was still something here…”

He scoffed, running his fingers through his hair. “Love isn’t real anymore. The only thing that’s been convenient is the word itself… You drop it like a dime and you can get whatever you want. The entire world wants to be loved, Y/N… But so few people find someone who really means it.” All of the air left your lungs in one loud gasp as you stared up at the man who you loved with every ounce of your being, the man who just confessed that his love for you was nothing more than a convenient phrase. “Do you want me to start packing my stuff now, or do you want to try to talk this out?”

He really didn’t care, and your tears felt foolish now, being wasted on someone like him, someone who clearly didn’t have a single place in his heart for anyone or anything but his career and his band members. “Now.” You practically growled the word, pushing him towards the direction of the bedroom, and while it felt foolish to cry, the tears seemed to flow endlessly down your cheeks. “Get your shit and get out!” You screeched, your pushes weak and barely moving him an inch, but he didn’t tell you to stop, he didn’t even try to stop you.

The thing is, Chan knew that his words hurt you, he knew that what he said was devastating to you. He was the asshole, and he would never deny it, and he would deny the pain that you were feeling all caused by him. The problem was that, he just couldn’t love you… There was no time to try to build on that feeling, to try to expand on that emotion, not for him at least. He knew that you loved him, and that was the hardest part for the both of you. Knowing that he had to hurt you, that he had to break your heart to free yourself of the attachment that you felt to him. He didn’t like being the asshole, but he had to be, and even though he acted like it meant nothing to say what he said, it was all just that… An act. He really wanted to love you, and he knew that if he had the time to, he would have been able to love you like no other, but he couldn’t just keep stringing you along under the assumption that he did. No. He had to play the part, and give someone else the opportunity to love you the way that he would have if he really had the chance to.

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macabremoons · 9 months

Note

Happy WBW! It's after midnight and my baby won't go to sleep. Please tell me whether you've ever invented a language for a story. Would you like to?

It's totally Wednesday!

Not only have I tried to make conlangs for my story before, I have WRITTEN A FANFICTION OF DAYCYCLE THAT WAS JUST A THINLY VEILED INFODUMP ABOUT THE CONLANG THAT I WAS MAKING AS THE FANFIC WAS GOING ALONG

Under the cut ill put the whole thing for anyone wondering. No it is not proofread and yes it is benodora

Menodora is sitting in the corner of her favorite cafe when Benjamin sits across from her one day. She’s not really that surprised. Everyone in the group chat knows her schedule.

“I need your help,” he says.

Menodora closes her laptop. “Alright.”

“My mother’s family is coming over in a couple of months. They are going to stay for the rest of the year. They do not speak Common nor do they speak fae.” Benjamin scowls at that last sentence, and Menodora takes in his annoyance. “They’re going to speak to me as if I know what they are saying even though it’s been years and they know I don’t.”

“I’d love to help you,” Menodora says, placing one of her hands on his, “However, I do not speak the northern vampire dialect.”

“I know, but most of them do know the common southern dialect. You’re fluent in that one, right?”

They must be some sort of passonist for all vampire culture then. Makes sense as to why they haven’t learned common or fae. They probably did, at one point, but let the language fade over the years.

Bonnie only learned enough to understand Menodora when she can’t be bitched to speak in common. Most of those moments are Menodora asking for water or to be taken to bed. It’d be nice to have someone to really talk to, though in a couple of months Menodora is unsure how much Benjamin could learn.

“Sure,” Menodora says. “Though give me a couple of days to organize a teaching method. And to take my test.”

Benjamin gives Menodora a smile that she swears means thank you, but he doesn’t get out of his seat to leave. “Did you already have coffee?”

“Oh, no.” Menodora holds up an old napkin. “I bought a pastry to sit here. You don’t have to buy me coffee to teach you anything, you know. I don’t mind.”

Benjamin waves a hand. “Despite what it may look like, not everything is about debts. Consider it a thing between friends.”

Friends, right. Menodora opens her laptop. “Well then, order me a black coffee.”

They meet in the library five days later. Benjamin decides, for some reason, to dress up for this. Menodora isn’t complaining too much. He looks good in his sweater and dress shoes.

Right, focus.

“I’m assuming you know the basics. Like ‘Hi, hello, how are you, my name is?’”

“Nope!” Benjamin leans back in his chair. “Not in the common southern dialect at least. I know it in the northern one. My mom knew this one nodical dialect, but she mostly just used it to talk shit about my family—the one coming over.”

Thankfully, Menodora planned for this. “Okay, so we will start with that. I’m not really going to be able to teach you everything. Every southern vampire dialect is needlessly complex, and there are words and rules even I don’t know about. I can teach you to speak formally and casually, and that should be enough to get you through some conversations.”

She scrolls on her laptop to where she has copy and pasted a grammar book and then takes out a binder full of papers for him to follow along on.

“Wow, you were not kidding about needing time to prepare,” Benjamin says. Suddenly he’s reading over her shoulder. “Now, tell me why there are so many rules again?”

“Because they could. I wish I was lying, but that’s it. If you—in theory—live forever, you—in theory—have all the time in the world to learn the irregular verbs and the genders of nouns being used in a certain context.”

Benjamin looks down at the papers with disgust. “If I didn’t need this, I would be reconsidering this very hard right now.”

Menodora waves her hand. “Don’t worry. I learned a lot of it easily, and I kept learning a bit after I got kicked out. You’ll do fine. Besides, you already know a vampiric dialect, even if it has a lot of influences.”

“Jorson is hello, so formal, and jlori is literally glory but also hi informally.”

“They both come from the word glory?”

“Yeah. Back in the past vampires didn’t really interact that much, so wishing the other glory before they spoke was a good show of faith. Now it’s just a greeting.”

Benjamin takes out a loose piece of paper. “It’s similar in the northern dialect too. Though it’s spelled gloriee.”

“I swear I read a book about the

Anddd that's where it ends! im tagging my taglist so they can see this mess @lyra-brie, @squarebracket-trick, @immortaladrien, @serenanymph, @wrenofthewords, @kosmic-kore

#project daycycle #wbw ask

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talenlee · 4 months

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Decemberween ’23 — The New Music From This Year

New Post has been published on PRESS.exe: Decemberween ’23 — The New Music From This Year

How do you listen to new music?

I understand it’s really common for most people to listen to music in their cars or using systems like Spotify, which I don’t like and don’t drive. That’s right, I don’t like cars and I don’t drive Spotify. I listen to podcasts when I travel, usually, and I listen to music while I work at my computer, because I want something that affects my mood while I’m doing, like, this work.

Frustratingly, just because it’s usually there and ad-free, I let Youtube throw mixes at me. Then when I’ve noticed I’ve done that enough that some songs are part of my personal lexicon, I go and acquire those songs some other way, whether bandcamp (in the case of small bands) or

I want to nakedly recommend an mp3 collection to you. You don’t need special software to manage it. You can just dump all your music in a great big heap and use the search function on any mp3 player you like to find the songs you want. You have paid for music, you have paid for the right to use it in different forms, spotify subscriptions are not paying artists and they are rent-seeking on things you can buy directly, or in many cases have already bought.

Anyway, here’s the stuff that I added to my mp3 collection this year.

The Lads are a Christian band from New Zealand I listened to as a kid. I re-found them on Youtube this year. They’d had a song that stuck in my head, an idea that I’ve been trying to stick to, which is if you need a reason to make a change in your life, anything will do. Why not make a big change on Arbor Day, a day you probably had no idea was a day on your calendar?

Arbor Day - The Lads // Arbor Day

Watch this video on YouTube

I mean this isn’t amazing music, but I like having it on hand, you know? The detritus of what we are. Not all of us were influenced by absolute bangers. Sometimes the idea that ‘you can make changes to your life for any given arbitary reason’ is a good thing and it doesn’t matter that much that I got it from a band of dorks who moved to Nashville to sing songs to megachurch kids (which is their spot now).

Sub-Radio - Stacy's Dad (Full Video)

Watch this video on YouTube

Next up, a parody song. Stacy’s Mom is a banger of a song about having a crush on an older woman (and the song doesn’t, like, go anywhere with it). Then we get a delightful genderswapped version here, which I hesitate to call a ‘parody’? It’s the same song, basically, it’s just a different orientation with the same comedy bent.

One thing I do find a little awkward is, now I’m starting on being ‘in my forties’ (man that feels weird to say), hearing someone talk about ‘is he learning about the Civil War’ like – so what?! So what if that’s a thing that interests me!? How did I get read like that?

AJJ - "Brave As A Noun & Survival Song" (KVRX Library Session)

Watch this video on YouTube

The band Andrew Jackson Jihad, for, perhaps sensibly obvious reasons, changed their name recently. This meant they made an announcement on Youtube at some point and I noticed that (‘AJJ on their name announcement?’ what did AJJ mean?) and that meant I listened to some of their music, annnnnd I like it! I’m told they make Folk Punk, which sounds to me like nonsense but I also am firmly of the opinion that there’s nothing quite so punk as making very specific categorisations that everyone around you must adhere to, right?

BANG! - Last Life AMV

Watch this video on YouTube

Thanks to the Last Life Youtube series of Minecraft Hardcore Lets Plays –

What are you laughing at –

I wound up listening to some cool music that was made as part of animatics by cool fans of the series, too. And while sometimes that meant learning about something cool like the band AJR (who are not the same thing as AJJ, thanks file sorting),

Curses - Last Life Animation

Watch this video on YouTube

Or something interestingly indie and creepily jazzy, like The Crane Wives (and I’m sure I’ve shared this before, surely it was in my list of new music last year),

W.I.T.C.H | Double Life SMP

Watch this video on YouTube

Or maybe even something else normal people like like Devon Cole’s WITCH, it did also mean I wound up appreciating a song…

Sharks | Life Series Animatic

Watch this video on YouTube

By Imagine Dragons of all people.

Animatics are great. They recontextualise songs and the recontextualisation means that now I have a story for these songs to be about and not just, like, Imagine Dragons’ latest car ad.

The Killers - A Pirate Looks At Forty (Jimmy Buffett Cover) HQ

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I think I shared this earlier this year too, but it’s the Killers cover of A Pirate Looks At Forty. I may be a bit overly maudlin about anything to do with Jimmy Buffett this year, since this is now the point at which I know that he’s had to leave the party.

Yofukashino Uta

Watch this video on YouTube

Also, this year I listened to a bunch of Anime OPs, because I was watching more anime this year. And the anime this year that I liked just happened to have OPs that I think are great, so I added them to my list. In the vein of ‘sounds like just cool music you might seem international and interesting for listening to,’ there’s the band Creepy Nuts! They do Japanese hiphop and, in addition to the songs from the Call of the Night anime soundtrack, you should also check out Song for the Prodigies.

Summer Time Render - Opening | FULL HD [1080p]

Watch this video on YouTube

The opening of Summer Time Render sounds to me like jangly folk rock? I think people call it College Rock? Problem here is I don’t even know this song’s name. It’s just The Opening To Summer Time Render, which is my favourite anime of the year, like it just absolutely whips ass, so I hear this song and I remember how that show makes me feel, from its first embarrassing opening of boobs and butts to its astoundingly sweet conclusion.

"Mobile Suit Gundam the Witch from Mercury" Textless version of opening "The Blessing" by YOASOBI

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The opening to Witch from Mercury has a similar effect, but I really like the way it has this, like, descending step effect? The staggering of it, it sings like dancing, and I love the way it feels like it’s responding to its own anxieties.

I have no idea what this song is saying.

TVアニメ『リコリス・リコイル』ノンテロップOPムービー｜ClariS「ALIVE」

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I think that the opening and ending of Lycoris Recoil whip ass. There’s this thing the opening does which I think anime openings love doing, which is this sort of crooning that turns into a high, wide arc and then abruptly stops and regathers its footing?

Paripi Koumei Ep5 ED

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Perhaps obviously, Ya Boy Kongming, an anime about music in Shibuya District, has nothing but bangers in its soundtrack. Everything, even the song by the Evil Bad Band That Sucks are good, but I especially like this cover of Kibun Jojo for the ending that adds instrumentation and a rap verse as the series progresses.

Shikimori's Not Just a Cutie - Opening | Honey Jet Coaster

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On the other hand, Honey Jet Coaster is just… like, energetic sugary pop music, it feels completely artificial and I have no reason to recommend it. Much like everything to do with Shikimori’s Not Just A Cutie you kinda have to get something out of it on a very superficial level, because there is nothing going on here.

(That’s a lie, the song is voiced as if it’s a boyfriend singing about Shikimori, but the vocalist is a woman who sounds like Shikimori, and it describes how Shikimori is a ‘better boyfriend than him’ but you know, so what.)

The Truck Got Stuck - Corb Lund

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Now a hard swerve from songs I absolutely cannot sing to songs I absolutely can. I learned about Corb Lund this year! He’s a Canadian country musician, who I learned about after a comedian who appeared on Behind The Bastards told a story about how one time, a racist on a neo nazi website reviewed his set he did opening for Corb Lund, and was so upset he realised that Corb Lund might not be racist enough for him.

Anyway, truck got stuck.

Roll Northumbria (Loud Version)

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Continuing Canadian songs I can sing along to, The Dreadnoughts dropped an album late last year, lot of good songs but especially good is this version of Roll Northumbria, which is a song I already liked, but this time rendered as a big loud stomping song.

Sidle Up

Watch this video on YouTube

Also, something that a lot of bands I like have in common is how good they get when they say, turn forty and stop carrying around a focus on high school. That’s what happened to the Littlest Man Band, which is actually a spinoff band from Reel Big Fish, a 90s Ska Band One And A Half Hit Wonder. I have liked Reel Big Fish all through the years, but on a few tracks, as a gag, they let their member Scott Klopfenstein just do a wholly soulful rendition of a totally different style.

And uh, then he went and made his own band that just does those songs and they’re great.

blink-182 - ONE MORE TIME (Official Video)

Watch this video on YouTube

Talking about things from the 90s that got better as they matured, Blink 182 have a single this year. Apparently it’s part of an album I have no interest in listening to, but this single, on its own, phew. Just fantastic vibes and a real improvement on their baseline sound. It’s Blink 182, but with just a lot more musical competence and fewer mangled half-rhymes.

I thought after I was done with single paragraph summaries I’d go back through the article and bulk it out with more details, to get up to the word count I wanted. Turns out I’m at one and a half times my word count, oops!

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Decemberween2023

#Decemberween 2023 #Media

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annikuh · 1 month

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Jax & Co. talk ahead‼️

thinking abt pet names bc I love them, so obviously my characters are gonna use em too, but I think which ones they use mean a lot.

Ik what names are used toward Jax. Panathir calls them “precious” as a noun more than an adjective, like in a way that implies some sort of ownership (ala gollum from lotr) & objectification. it also implies a certain level of adoration & reverence; a need to protect them & fear of losing them.

Syvis calls them “beautiful being”, which is way different. they were/are very insistent that they aren’t a “person” (they don’t even use the word “life/alive” when referring to themself), thus she used “being”. it also doesn’t have the same implications that “precious” has. it’s a standalone descriptor; they are beautiful, period, appreciated for who they are and not the value they hold for someone else. Ykno?

HOWEVER I don’t really know what Jax calls either of them. they always use very religious language when thinking of Syvis—typically “goddess”—but she wouldn’t like them calling her that to her face bc she’s spiritual/religious, herself. (her mom is literally the head “pastor” of the town lol.) unsure of the intricacies of her religion, so idk if “angel” is in the running, but they use that often too when thinking of her and it’s cute. Jax absolutely worships her and has her on a pedestal—she literally saved their life—so I think it’s apt.

I have NO idea wtf they’d call Panathir tho. I’m actually unsure if they’ve ever even called him by his name in the 70+ pages I have of them. maybe in referencing him to someone else, but even then, I can only think of like two times that this may have happened. they’ve got a weird aversion ig (I kinda do too, I feel a lil weird saying his name in real life, wtf is that about LMAO). obviously atm in the narrative, Jax is not in petname territory at all (Panathir moved in with it REAL quick tho), but I feel like it may get there, maybe if only used sparingly. they’ve got a lot of guilt and anxiety and such to sort thru before that happens. I’ve been playing with some in my more non-canon writings but nothing has really jumped out at me. I do see them using a nickname for him tho eventually (& he’ll be very excited).

is difficult‼️

#annikuh’s speakin #Jax #Panathir #Syvis

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thewarriorspecial · 5 months

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A long post on writing and languages and insecurities

I went ahead and started in the translation project because I’m excited for it but also I’m seeing a pattern developing in the poll and I like to deliver.

the amount of colloquial expressions that I use for tone and dialogue just…don’t translate. This will be my biggest hurdle. I’m far from fluent. I’m leaning on online translation tools to get the noun or verb I need and then conjugation charts to try to match the tense of the story.

if you’ve politely not mentioned that I cannot spell or conjugate in my mother tongue, thank you, but take solace that I know and I’m so much more aware of it now lol. I feel like I’m better at English by trying to learn other languages. Hm that’s a sad thing to type. Moving on.

I think I’m going to be brave and try to make friends with the French and Spanish speakers at the new job and maybe like talk to them to learn. My skills always degrade because I watch stuff or read but I don’t actually speak so it’s like there’s this enormous downed tree in my mind and I just don’t have the ability to jump it so instead of responding in the target language, my tongue goes all gooey and I just go ummmmm. But I’ll get there one day.

I read something once and I wish I could find it where the author was describing how their voice changes and they “feel” different as they spoke in different languages. I was fascinated by this concept and I feel like I’m seeing it as I translate some of the GLs dialogue in my fics.

Hal and Guy especially are so so much more cool and sexy in Spanish I have to say. I can’t quite explain the change in the tone but I am rewriting a little bit to accommodate my lack of slang and accents to characterize. As I was writing for Kyle, he feels less cool and authentic and it inspired some little WIPs where I have him talking about feeling like he doesn’t know himself or wishes he was more a part of his own heritage. So that was interesting. John always comes off as just slick and natural no matter what I do with him. In my head he just is unflinchingly honest and himself and he applies himself fully to everything he does. He’s passionate without all the show and pizazz of the others. But I also haven’t read him as much as I wish I had. I mostly know him from the Justice League animated show. I adored him and I hated Batman lol. I didn’t feel any love for Bats until Kevin Conroy, go figure. I had a subscription for the DC comics app for a bit and the nearest comic shop to me is over an hour away. I just don’t make it out often enough to read the way I wish i could. For all my love of Green Lantern and space operas and Star Trek and the Lensman series and all that I’m actually not that well read. I feel like less of a fanatic fan and more like a Tik Tokker on a parade float; waving at the real fans and tossing the occasional, unsolicited WIP that’s promising but never finished.

Is it the imposter syndrome getting to me or is it the glaringly weak characterization im delivering staring me in the face? Eh. I enjoy writing. My amateur yet passionately created half-works be upon y’all.

To quote my fave, good old Henry (Rollins): “My mind is like a ball of Teflon; coated in obsidian and impervious to the uptake of ka-nah-ledge.” I feel that in my soul, i really do. Henry and I read and forget so much because it keeps the brain demons busy.

And so the reading/writing hour bell tolls and it’s time to get out of bed for another shift. Off I go!

as always, thanks for reading

#My writing #navel gazing I suppose

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prancingintheshadows · 1 year

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The Appeal of Kingdom Hearts

A few days ago, a friend of mine accused Kingdom Hearts of being nothing but a huge Disney ad. It was nigh impossible to convince him otherwise, but that’s not really the point of this post. The point is that I got thinking, maybe it’s hard for someone outside of KH to understand the appeal. Because what is it known for? Good gameplay sure, but it’s constantly memed up and jokes about the complexity of the plot have followed it for ages. So the question does persist for outsiders, why do people genuinely care about the original characters of Kingdom Hearts? How can people buy into these characters when its constantly surrounded by KH dialogue and needing to reenact Disney plots

Of course, I am a KH fan, so I already know why I am invested in these goofballs. The problem is explaining it to people who’s only exposure are lines like ‘Who else will I have ice cream with?’ with zero context. I’m going to try anyways now that I have time and sorted my thoughts.

The problem is explaining why I care would normally take awhile or lack the payoff it should if I just explain it word by word. I can’t succinctly talk about Riku path from darkness to dawn without losing something. Boiling Days down kinda ruins the slow burn of Roxas’s life falling apart. So instead of talking about something big, let’s go with something familiar

Yes, this legendary exchange.

I know the point is try to talk about KH’s appeal outside of the nonsense, but stick with me. This is an easy to explain situation that doesn’t require too much investment: Riku’s been cloned, Repliku is trying to surpass Riku to become real, and the two have at it.

Simple

More importantly, I think it’s good to use this as a discussion point since it is pretty memey. How can someone take this dialogue seriously?

Because the characters do take it seriously. This exchange is just a small snippet in a larger cutscene. Despite the awkward beginning, the characters keep going, paying it no mind. They take the scene seriously, so the suspension of disbelief is never really broken.

So where does the scene go after this point? Riku defeats Repliku and Repliku begins to fade away. As he does, he questions where a fake like him will end up. Riku being Riku, he answers sincerely. Repliku will likely end up where Riku ends up when he dies. This brings a small smile to the replica’s face. “A faithful copy to the end...” He accepts it as a fate he wouldn’t mind and passes on.

That is the appeal of Kingdom Hearts. It’s weird and awkward but it’s also sincere, so it can keep going past that and manages to say something in its own way. Sora and Roxas using “Hurt” like a noun may frustrate me to no end, but I’ll still think about Sora coming to the conclusion that if his ‘hurt’ can help him understand how Roxas is hurt, then maybe ‘hurt’ isn’t all bad. “Who else will I eat ice cream with?” is probably the worst thing you can say to someone who will disappear but that’s innately the charm of Roxas awkwardly grasping at what little bit of a normal life he has. Characters may espouse the virtues of the heart ad nauseum, but I still listen because Xemnas realizes a heart carries a lot of pain and Sora clarifies that that’s part of being human then this long time antagonist can’t help but admire the strength one needs to just... exist and be human.

Yeah, this series has a lot of Disney nostalgia and meme worthy moments, but there’s a reason people love this series outside of that. It’s got heart.

#Kingdom Hearts #KH #Rambling

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materassassino · 2 years

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Cafuné

This one was absolutely inspired by Pedro’s hair in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. God he’s so pretty in that movie, it’s ridiculous.

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Cafuné (noun): Brazilian Portuguese. The act of caressing or tenderly running fingers through a loved one's hair

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“It’s getting long.”

Luke’s eyes twinkle with mirth as he sifts his fingers into Din’s hair. It’s soft, untouched yet by the helmet today. It flops gently over his forehead, swished to the side, curling around his ears, following every movement of Din’s head.

“Oh?” He blows a shot of breath upwards, shifting his fringe. “I guess it is.”

“I like it,” Luke murmurs. He continues to stroke his fingers through it, enjoying its softness under his touch.

“It’s not very practical,” Din says with a sigh. “Gets in the way.”

Luke pouts slightly. “Do you want me to cut it?” he asks, though he sounds disappointed.

“If you could,” Din replies. He doesn’t remember the last time someone else cut his hair. Probably his mother. Or his father. He still usually does it himself, grabbing scissors as soon as it gets annoying and hacking away with reckless abandon until he’s satisfied.

But he trusts Luke. With everything. So why wouldn’t he trust him with this?

“I’m going to be a little sad about it,” Luke admits once they’re in front of the ‘fresher mirror. Din rolls his eyes affectionately, folding his arms across his chest as he waits for Luke to get started.

Luke allows himself one last moment to weave his fingers through the thick waves. The ever-growing amount of grey glitters under the crisp light of the glowpanel, and Luke can’t resist lowering a kiss to it. It’ll grow back, of course it does, and Luke loves the short, choppier curls just as much, but still… there’s something special about his hair like this, impractical though it might be.

He floats over the scissors and a comb and sets to work. He remembers Leia doing this for him, countless times, but the first time was on Hoth, when it started to get annoyingly long and he was always shaking his head to get it out of his eyes. She’d strongarmed him into a chair and chopped away, leaving him with something no-nonsense and easy to maintain – ironic, considering the length and insanity of her own hair.

And he remembers Aunt Beru doing the same, sitting him down in a chair as he kicked his legs impatiently, flicking his ear when he refused to sit still. The memory of the time she got annoyed with him and upturned a bowl on his head, cutting around the rim, still fills him with a deep sense of horrified embarrassment.

Din’s locks fall to the floor, onto the towel set on his shoulders.

“It’s definitely easier to have someone else do the back,” he says with a twitch of his lips. Luke chuckles.

“I was ok with it, but being able to make things float helps,” he admits.

It doesn’t take long, really. They talk about nonsense, the same things they talk about all the time, the inanities of married conversation. Luke offhandedly mentions drama in the Senate, which makes Din snort derisively. Din recounts some little detail he forgot from his most recent visit to Krownest Luke didn’t follow him on. They both agree Grogu needs new clothes, he’s grown – not by much, but just enough to be noticeable.

“Done!” Luke says eventually, placing his hands on Din’s shoulders.

Din looks like he usually does now, but perhaps it’s a little tidier, this time. Not that anyone else will see it, only two sets of eyes have that privilege, but it’s the knowledge that counts, Luke thinks. Din tilts his head this way and that, making a satisfied noise.

“Definitely looks better than when I do it,” he says. Luke smirks.

“What can I say, I’m good at it,” he says smugly, planting another kiss on Din’s head. He jerks back, spitting. “Ugh, hair.”

That makes Din laugh. “You brought that upon yourself,” he says drily.

Luke flicks his ear, like Aunt Beru used to do to him, and he weathers the brief twinge of sadness, letting it rise and fall naturally.

“You know,” he says, winding his arms around Din’s shoulders and propping his chin on the other man’s head, “I did like the longer hair, but this is nice too. As long as it’s you.”

#star wars #dinluke #din djarin #luke skywalker #pixie writes #javi from uwomt my beloved #din probably needs to learn to cut luke's hair too #the intimacy of trusting someone to make you look good lol

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shaddytheguyislazy · 10 months

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I watched the first episode of The Owl House

I haven’t bothered finding a new show to watch in a couple years now, and this one seemed sufficiently Steven Universe-y. Might as well give it a shot.

The art direction is quite nice, hits a lot of the modern cartoon beats without being outright identical to any of them, and the fantasy architecture is pretty cool. I’m not sure about the pronounced “upper lip” thing a lot of the human character designs have going on, though. Looks like those Rhythm Heaven choir boys.

Main character Luz seems nice enough. I think the struggle of being forced to conform to society when you don’t want to is a relatable one, but they illustrate it by having her accidentally get several people attacked by snakes, which feels a little overboard (yes yes BUT IT IS A CARTOON except they’re still talking about this like this is solely harmful to her own development rather than harming others) for how not-sorry she appears to be.

This will probably fade with time, but it is so weird hearing Wendie Malick voice any cartoon character who isn’t 100% toxic all the time. I keep waiting for Eda to take the witch mask off and reveal Beatrice Horseman, telling Luz she’s punishing her for being alive.

Cute skull dog demon guy...voiced by Alex Hirsh. I’m gonna be honest, whenever he’s not doing Soos or Grunkle Stan, he sounds a little strained. I’m not saying “no”, I like him, but I dunno, sounds like it hurts to do the voice.

Again, I know it’s a kids show, but having the “it’s okay to not fit in” messages hammered in so hard as for the villain’s prison to be called the “Conformatorium” is a little on the nose for me.

And what the hell is it with kids shows softening up conspiracy theorists? Steven Universe did this too. Believing that the world is flat and/or secretly controlled by reptilian aliens is not some wacky quirk you get by being autistic, it’s not some peaceful non-conformist belief system. That shit ranges from "extremely unhealthy coping mechanism" to "believing we need a second holocaust" (hey, know what noun in “reptilians control the media” used to be a real-world ethnic group?), and neither of those are harmless, they VERY OFTEN lead to dangerous behavior, because they're not built to reach stable people.

This might sound strange, but I appreciate that Eda’s body can apparently be dismembered and reassembled without harm. That’s usually a power given to less-important and usually less-humanoid characters, and never to women.

Okay, I’m gonna be real here, they kinda lost me at the end with Luz deciding she’s staying here instead of going home. Not only am I not a fan of “lying to the parents” subplots (which I am almost certain this will become), but what she just experienced was complete fantasy beyond anything the entire population on Earth has ever known, as well as being extremely dangerous. Even if she were still going to avoid the summer camp, I feel like most people on the planet would want to take a breather back home first, but she doesn’t even flinch.

Anyway these are all pretty nitpicky and I still had fun, so I’ll probably watch more at some point. I definitely feel some of the Gravity Falls energy here, so I have faith it’ll almost certainly get better.

#cartoon #cartoons #disney #toh #the owl house #luz #eda #king #alex hirsch #wendie malick #first episode

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mesillusionssousecstasy · 11 months

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Never I Have Ever: season 4 - Quotes

“- Damn. That’s messed up. But do you have any friends or someone you could talk to about this?” (The basket player - Episode 1)

“- And that’s when I realized love is a verb, not just a noun.” (The basket player - Episode 1)

“- Devi, this really is an elegant gift. And if I may, I am so pleased to see a young girl this day and age not dressed like a pinup poster in a prison cell.” (Teacher - Episode 1)

“- Devi felt like she was on a roll, and so she decided to do the mature thing and talk to Ben. Sometimes, when things don’t go your way, you can still be graceful and learn.” (Devi’s voice off - Episode 1) “- But apparently, one pretty mediocre bang was all you wanted from me before you moved on to the next warm body. And when Devi was hurt, she did not always make smart choices. - I... I think this is escalating in a unnecessarily public way.” (Ben - Episode 1) “- Well, that’s probably because statistically men are more... (Devi) - Stop. I’m already offended by however you’re going to finish that sentence. Devi, you know it’s ok if you still have feelings for Ben. (Dr Ryan) - What? That’s what you got from this? (Devi) - I mean, what you two shared was something incredibly intimate, Devi, and then he abandoned you.” (Dr Ryan) - What is wrong with me? What would make Ben sleep with me and decide not to be with me? (Devi) - And I don’t mean that feminist woo-woo “every woman is beautiful” kind of thing. I mean real beauty. You’re extraordinary, Devi. (Dr Ryan) - I am? (Devi) - You are. Why else would I keep seeing you? Girl, you drive me crazy. Okay? Women always wanna take something out on another woman when most of the time it’s the man’s fault. (Dr Ryan) - Yeah, ‘cause it’s easier to be mad at women ‘cause we know what sneaks we are.” (Devi - Episode 1)

“- Uh, hey, uh, Margot? Do you have a second? (Devi) - Actually, no. I’m trying to avoid psychotic bitch energy as much as possible.” (Margot - Episode 1)

“- Hey, we’ve talked a lot about my dick lately. Can we move on? Look, I think we’re both just insecure and competitive, and we always manage to hurt each other. (Ben) - So Devi heard herself saying something she almost never said. I accept that.” (Devi - Episode 1)

“- Ms. Vishwakumar, you’re ten minutes late. (Ms. Warner) - I’m so sorry, Ms Warner. My car was recently a victim of automotive misogyny.” (Devi - Episode 2)

“- Well, now I heard you won’t be getting a Dr. Keyes rec. You know, after you, sent her to the hospital?” (Episode 2)

“- I mean, I get that he’s hot, but he’s also kind of degenerate. Yeah, and what about Trent? You can’t just give up on him. (Devi) - He doesn’t wanna be with me. He’s made that very clear. And as Dua Lipa said, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” (Eleonor - Episode 2)

“- He’s beautiful, he’s dangerous, and it feels like there’s always a wind hitting him somehow. (Eleonor) - It seems scientifically impossible, but I do see it. (Fabiola) - Well, El, as someone whose senior year has already gone tits up, I support it. Follow your bliss before some jealous slore steals it from you.” (Devi - Episode 2)

“- Yo, Ben. I hope you know you’re dating a straight-up psychopath. (Devi) - Well, wouldn’t be the first time”. (Ben - Episode 2)

“- Ben, I’m your girlfriend. You should know I’m not a criminal.” (Margot - Episode 2)

“- Let’s just say Margot is about to be Mar-gone.” (Devi - Episode 2)

“- Then I’ll beat you to death with this one. You can’t go around messing with something that belongs to someone else. (Devi) - So you’re kind of mean, huh? (Ethan) - No, I just believe in justice. Yeah. Well, whatever it is, I’ve never been yelled at like that before. (Ethan) - I find that hard to believe. (Devi) - It’s kind of hot. Yeah, when you were yelling at me, I was like...”Damn. Devi’s kind of sexy. (Ethan - Episode 2)

“- Bad girls don’t need books. (Ethan) - Okay, yeah, maybe I do like being bad. (Devi) - And the baddest part about you is that you’re betraying your friend. It’s so hot how you’re stabbing her in the back. He feelings are gonna be so hurt.” (Ethan - Episode 3)

“- Fab, I am on the rebound. So if I wanna fantasize about being a degenerate’s girlfriend, let me have it.” (Eleonor - Episode 3)

“- Picking up on a titch of melancholy.” (Episode 3)

“- So, Devi, why don’t you tell me how you can relate to a story about falsely accusing someone and almost ruining their life? (Episode 3)

“- I’m sorry. This is just how it has to be for now. (Ben) - She doesn’t have to be this threatened. She does know our sex was bad, right?” (Devi - Episode 3)

“- I’m not surprised he scammed us. His whole family’s a bunch of con artists. But like most hot guys, Ethan was blissfully unaware of the drama surrounding him, and he had no idea he was being avoided.” (Episode 3)

“- You got dumped by a guy who loved you so much that he proposed to you after a meaningful relationship and tons of amazing sex.” (Devi - Episode 3)

“- Have you ever done this before ? (Ethan) - Once. But it didn’t got so great. (Devi) - Well, that’s because you didn’t have sex with me.” (Ethan - Episode 4)

“- Sometimes, certain people can cloud our judgment. - Oh no, she does. She just thinks that Ethan’s bad for me. (Devi) - Oh, well, that’s true. - Yeah, he’s like an anchor pulling you down into the depths.” (Episode 4)

“- No, I’m only applying to acting conservatories. I’m not a liberal arts person. I’m a one-art person.” (Eleonor - Episode 4)

“- Ethan, thank you so much for this incredible sexual awakening, but I think I’m now having a moral awakening. I need to be with someone who knows right from wrong, and that doesn’t seem to be you.” (Devi - Episode 4)

“- I mean, she was much more perfect than you in high school. She made zero mistakes and had no fun.” (Ben - Episode 5)

“- Well, you put it out in the universe I wasn’t getting in, and then I didn’t. (Devi) - I was just... trying to manage your expectations.” (Nalini - Episode 6)

“- Anyway, I need to see what I can add to my résumé to make myself seem more desirable to them.” (Devi - Episode 6) “- Well, great. I am glad my suffering is bringing you such joy. (Devi) - Oh, kanna, I am so sorry. But this is really what I was trying to tell you. Sometimes things don’t go our way. (Nalini) - Mom, come on. I really don’t wanna listen to anything rational right now. You know what? Being deferred was already a stab in the heart. I didn’t also need to be stabbed in the back.” (Devi - Episode 6)

“- And I went from feeling like a winner to such a loser in seconds.” (Episode 6)

“- Hey, you gotta let it go, all right? This is not worth losing a good friend over.” (Episode 6)

“- I am so sorry that I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me.” (Devi - Episode 6)

“- I hear you, but remember, getting deferred isn’t such a bad thing... (Dr Ryan) - Why do people keep saying that to me? Getting deferred is a bad thing. It means they’re not sure about me. They’re not sure I’m good enough. (Devi) - But do you think you’re good enough? (Dr Ryan) - Honestly, I don’t know anymore. I mean, right now I feel pretty mediocre. My own mother assumed I was gonna get rejected. (Devi) - Devi, if this Princeton dream has so much power over your self-worth, have you ever considered that maybe it’s not serving you? Devi, I’ve just lived longer than you have, and I know that sometimes, you can work incredibly hard for something, and things just don’t go your way, you know?” (Dr Ryan - Episode 6)

“- Listen, I wasn’t trying to jinx you. I was just trying to, I guess, protect you from that kind of disappointment. And you know what? Even when things don’t work out, they usually do work out. As long as you don’t give up.” (Nalini - Episode 6)

“- Oh! I don’t wanna sleep with your girlfriend, dude. That’s really not something you should be offering people.” (Episode 7)

“- Dude, you are fully clothed. (Devi) - Yeah, well, emotionally I’m hanging D.” (Trent - Episode 7)

“- Look, why are you setting a goal that you’re probably gonna fail at? It’s okay if I fail as long as I tried.” (Episode 7)

“- Because you came up to me out of nowhere and asked me to take your virginity as a complete stranger? (Paxton) - Okay, don’t make me sound like I’m nuts. You’re the one that said yes.” (Devi - Episode 7)

“- Maybe to let go of who you were and find out who you wanna be.” (Episode 7)

“- There are some vibes that are still alive and well.” (Paxton - Episode 7)

“- So don’t worry, we’ll still be roomies. Oh, and also prom dates. I was talking to Addison, and they’ll be out of town for prom, so I thought the three of us could go together. (Fabiola) - Yes! I love that. I mean, you two are the best relationship I’ve had in high school.” (Devi - Episode 8)

“- So, what’s the deal with you guys? Ah! A teen girl classic, pretending to not be interested in the person you’re interested in (McEnroe). He’s the one that said we should never be together because we’re both too insecure and competitive. And he’s right. He’s too mean, and I’m too crazy. Together, we’re just two otters trying to dunk each other.” (Devi - Episode 8)

“- Change was in the air for the Vishwakumar clan. Scary as it was, Nalini was right. Change was good.” (McEnroe - Episode 8)

“- But in typical Devi fashion, had created too big of a mess to enjoy it.” (McEnroe - Episode 9)

“- Hi, Ms Warner. Wanna talk to me? (Ben) - Well, I never want to talk to you, young man.” (Ms Warner - Episode 9)

“- Yeah, that’s all true, but I wanna know why you are who you are.” (Episode 9)

“- God, why do I have to be a psycho all the time? (Devi) - I like your psycho side. It makes things interesting. (Ben) - Being rejected and wait-listed by everywhere you applied is, like, the definition of pathetic, so look, Devi, you are many things. A maniac, a liar, a heavy sweater, a reckless driver,.... (Ben) - Hey, this is very hurtful. (Devi) - But you’re not a quitter. (Ben) - I’d want someone to put me in like a medically-induced coma. Yeah, I would like that. (Devi) - But if you don’t try everything that you can, you’re gonna regret it.” (Ben - Episode 9)

“- You survived, baby. You’re a survivor. (Dr Ryan) - You really mean that? (Devi) - This little college thing, this is just a bump in the road compared to everything you’ve already overcome. You can do anything you put your mind to. (Dr Ryan) - Princeton was actually a dream he and I came up with together. I think I’ve so fiercely held on to Princeton so that I could keep holding on to him.” (Devi - Episode 9)

“- Because I promise you, Devi, if you do not pack tonight, I’ll put you in that suitcase Mafia-style. (Nalini - Episode 10)

“- So it turns out we’re a pretty good team for two people who hate each other. (Ben) - I don’t hate you. I just think you’re pretentious and unlikable.” (Devi - Episode 10)

“- Now, this is our last night together, so we have to grab this party by the balls and just squeeze every last drop of fun out of it.” (Devi - Episode 10)

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