#is make you HATE yourself and discourage you from ever trying again
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I hate going to the dentist or the doctor's or whatever because every single time they're like
"And how often do you brush your teeth?"
And I'm really really bad at forming habits. Absolute garbage at it. It's really hard for me to start doing something and then maintain it as routine, and that's if I even REMEMBER to do it. IF I even remember, I still need to scrounge up the motivation to do it. I've never in my life been able to maintain a routine of brushing my teeth twice a fucking day, but there's been a few times where, with enough effort, I've been able to maintain a routine of once a day.
So I look at them, and I'm like, "I brush my teeth about once a day," and I'm proud of myself, a little, because I know it was really hard for me to get there, and once a day is better than nothing, right?
But they look at me, and every time they're like, "Well, you really should be brushing your teeth twice a day." And any amount of pride I might've had is gone, washed away and drowned out by shame, instead, because even my best isn't good enough. Even when I've managed to get something, they look at me and they're like "You should do more."
And they'll lecture me on it, tell me that once a day isn't enough. They'll tell me to at least try to brush my teeth twice a day, not once, and they'll present it like it's such a reasonable request. Like, this is the bare minimum, this isn't hard to do, it's easy, you should at least try to do it.
And because the shame is too much, and I don't want to look like I'm not trying, because I AM, I'm trying my best, and I don't want to say no because then it'll look like I'm just lazy, not willing to put in the effort. So I'll say okay, and I'll agree. And when I go home, I brush my teeth and maybe I'll brush my teeth twice a day for two or three days, and then I'll miss it. It's too emotionally/slash mentally draining to keep up the habit, or I didn't have the time, or some other reason, but I'll miss it.
And then, instead of being able to go back to brushing my teeth once a day, keeping that small, basic thing so that I have at least some upkeep on my teeth, I feel so much shame and dejection, I feel like such a useless failure, that I just.. Stop. I stop doing even that basic upkeep. I don't brush my teeth for fucking months, until it gets bad enough that they start to hurt and even then I'm like, why should I even try to get back into the habit? It's not worth it. It's not enough. It'll never be enough.
My best will never be enough for those people. I'll brush my teeth once a day, and they'll say, well, it should really be twice a day, as if I don't already know. I'll clean a small portion of my room, organize my desk or take out the trash or clean the closet, and they'll say, well, you should really clean the whole thing. I'll walk for twenty or thirty minutes while my legs hurt nearly the whole time, and then it gets bad enough I have to sit down, and they'll say, well, you really shouldn't sit here or you're wasting time or come on, it's not even that long, you should be able to walk for this long. or you're being dramatic, just believe in yourself!
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of my needs being dismissed, my best efforts being dismissed as not good enough when it's so hard for me to do that much. I hate it, and I hate how even though I know that I'm trying my goddamn best I can't fully erase the shame, not truly. It sits in the back of my brain like a parasite, eating away at my motivation to do things, to try my best. Consuming it until the shame just crushes and paralyzes me, and then I can't get myself to do anything like that at all, can't even try to put in the bare minimum, let alone my best. Because my best isn't good enough, will never be good enough, and it'll never get rid of the shame.
#felix's posts#felixlupin.txt#vent post#ok to reblog#ableism#autism#adhd#neurodivergent#executive dysfunction#We're not even gonna get into the physical stuff that makes it hard to perform tasks rn#Shame is awful and it is not a productive emotion the ONLY thing shame does#is make you HATE yourself and discourage you from ever trying again#FUCK shame.#fuck ableism#this post is brought to you by#the dentist appointment i had today mixed with my past experiences ive had with dentists</3#I'm trying so hard not to care#and to keep doing these things and taking care of myself#but its so fucking hard when everyone tells you it isnt enough.#its so hard to be your own biggest cheerleader. to keep trying to encourage yourself#and ignore the people that tell you that you aren't enough.#Its so hard to be an optimist. To constantly try to look on the bright side and be proud of your efforts#Its so fucking hard to love yourself. I'm trying but it's so fucking hard
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03:47 ෆ ITADORI YUUJI
⠀ for: @driaswrld sorry pookie for the emotional dmg (-ω-、)
“yuu,” you grunt, hands flailing out in the darkness as you try to push your lug of a boyfriend away from you, “stars, you need to stop eating so much, you weigh as much as a tractor trailer.”
the response you get is a long snore, followed by the soft smacking of his lips.
normally, you wouldn’t complain about your sweet boy’s body weight or the comforting pressure of his limbs draped over you, but currently, you’re facing a singularly unique experience that no one has ever seen happen before—you need to pee. badly. yuuji has been bulking lately, meaning for dinner you have to make about three servings of food, all for him, and then a fourth serving for yourself (of which he usually finishes off for you if you can’t manage to eat it all).
not to say you dislike watching your boyfriend’s gym experiences, or even that you discourage them, but you’re just annoyed now that he’s gained about 5-10 pounds of muscle mass that you can barely manage to push him off of you.
he’s not a gentle sleeper. in fact, he’s single-handedly the most violent sleeper you’ve ever met and the first time you’d stayed over at his apartment, he scared you awake at least three or five times. now, you’re so used to his sudden spasms and uncontrollable snoring that it hardly phases you, or you can just ignore it and fall asleep again, but the discomfort of needing to pee has taken precedence over anything else.
yuuji is truly lucky you love him more than anything else, right now, because he’s star-fished himself across your queen-sized bed, an arm over your stomach and his legs flung over both of yours while the blanket is tangled between both of your bodies. he is happily snoozing away, blissfully deep in dream world as you continue trying to push him off.
this wouldn’t be an issue, because despite his bulking and the near constant complaint of ‘yuu, you weigh too much for us to wrestle properly because you always win!’, normally, you can at least shove him off enough to scramble out of the tangle of limbs.
tonight is an issue because he’s clingy.
yuuji is a stage-five clinger in his sleep only a third of the time. most of the time you’re free to come and go as you please, but sometimes, on rare occasion, he can psychically know you’re trying to leave the bed and stop you in his sleep. he’ll grab your waist and shove his face in your neck, he’ll snag a wrist and interlace your fingers, and on the one rare time, he’ll somehow hook his foot around your leg and make you fall back onto the bed. it was insane, the lengths he would go to to make you stay in the comfort of your bed—all while miraculously asleep.
so, you’d tried to sneak out of bed to pee and he’d grabbed your hip, forcing you back into bed with the grip of a man desperate to keep you by his side. you’d find it endearing if you weren’t about to pee your pants.
“i love you,” you whisper, turning your head to press your nose into his cheek and trying to burn a hole in his head, “but i’m gonna murder you if you don’t wake up and let me leave.”
“s’love you.” he mutters. he tilts his head towards you and presses a kiss to your nose.
you narrow your eyes. “what’s megumi’s middle name?”
“francis.”
he’s not awake. the poor boy wouldn’t have lied so easily if he was awake, and you are left to flop against the mattress helplessly.
you hate waking him up because he always looks like someone kicked a puppy in front of him and then told the dog it sucked. it just wasn’t nice and he deserved all the nice things in the world. you also hate waking him up because he is somehow such a deep sleeper. you’d have to be screaming your lungs off at an intruder for him to wake up in perfect lucidity.
you’ll have to find another plan to sneaking away from him and going to the bathroom. you wouldn’t give up, but you’d bide your time. eventually he’d have to move away from you and then, that’d be your chance to slip away.
(you end up falling asleep in his embrace and running to the bathroom frantically when the sun rises.)
#itadori yuuji x reader#itadori yuuji#jjk itadori#itadori x reader#jujutsu itadori#itadori x you#itadori x y/n#itadori yuji x reader#itadori yuji x you#itadori yuuji x you#itadori yuuji x y/n#yuji itadori#itadori fluff#jjk itadori yuuji#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen imagine#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#txt!writing
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Flirtation
Fem! Reader x Isagi
No warnings! Slightly suggestive at the end, takes place well after blue lock, reader is kinda tsundere
“You think you’re cute?” You ask with a faux annoyed look.
His grin broadens at your words.
"I think you're cute."
“You should carry me.” You say with an overly flirtatious demeanor, fluttering your lashes at the blue haired boy beside you.
It’s said mostly as a joke, a way to fluster him, but you can’t deny the pain shooting through your feet as you navigate the sidewalk in your pretty, but not very efficient, heels.
Isagi doesn’t respond, and for a second you think you might have actually succeeded at flustering him until he suddenly lifts you up into his arms, making you let out an undignified squeak as your hands instinctively grip onto his shoulders.
For a moment, you’re left speechless as he proceeds to maneuver you into a bridal style carry.
You look at him with wide eyes when you eventually settle into place, a nervous laugh bubbling out of you.
“I– uh… you know I was only joking, right?”
“Your feet are blistering.” He responds simply, as if it was only natural to simply lift you in the air over it.
You scoff playfully at him, keeping up your joking demeanor out of nervousness.
“Pshh, no pain no game, I could have handled it, I’m a strong girl.”
“Sure you are. Now can the “strong girl” look me in the eyes?” He asks pointedly, watching as you struggle to maintain eye contact.
Opening your mouth, you try to fish for a comeback that will diffuse the sudden uncomfortable tension that’s arisen between the two of you, but fail to hook one, eventually shutting your mouth in defeat.
Hesitantly, you move your gaze to his only to feel mildly irked when you find him looking back at you with an amused smirk on his face.
You can feel a fluttering feeling rise up within you as Isagi tilts his head closer to yours, his blue eyes shining with mischief.
“You think you’re cute?” You ask with a faux annoyed look.
His grin broadens at your words.
“I think you’re cute.”
“...”
You stare at him in disbelief, your cheeks turning red.
“Fuck you.” You eventually say with a flustered laugh, turning away from his face with reddened cheeks. “Put me down right now so I can shove my foot up your ass.”
He laughs at that, a boyish, carefree chuckle that has your breath momentarily catching in your throat.
“Nah, I don’t think I will.”
As if to punctuate his words, his grip grows ever so slightly tighter as he begins to walk again, not enough to hurt but enough to discourage any struggles you might put up.
Although, truthfully, as embarrassing as the situation was, you don’t think that you could find it within yourself to even try to get out of his arms.
“Whatever, I’ll find my way out eventually, villain.” You respond rather dramatically, willing your blush to die down.
“Me? I’m the villain?” He asks as if affronted, but you don’t miss the way his eyes twinkle in amusement.
“Of course you are, look at you,” You say, gesturing to him with one hand. “stealing away maidens in the dead of night, you ought to be put away.”
Isagi laughs again, and a swell of pride rushes through you at the sound, happy to make him laugh, but still slightly jaded that you can’t seem to fluster him anymore.
“That’s a harsh reading of it, I was under the impression that this was something like “helping a damsel in distress”
“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re the one putting me in distress.”
He rolls his eyes, but smiles at you.
“I’m alright with being a villain if it means stealing you away.”
“...”
You look at him in a manner almost defeated, knowing that you’ve been bested again.
“You cheeseball, you absolute grilled cheese, goldfish, cheez-it, mozzarella stick, where do you get the right?”
“You should quit while you're ahead (Name).” He says smugly.
“And you should humble yourself.” You say with a mock glare. “Remember where you started from first, because I remember that flustered mess you were on our first date.”
At least he has the gall now to look slightly wounded at your words, although the memory of him literally tripping over himself to impress you is slightly hard to shake even for a bluelock-ified Isagi.
“Alright, alright, you have a point.” He says, eventually letting up on his own, more successful flirting.
“I always have a point.” You say jokingly, slightly eased by the pressure of the growing tension dissipating.
“...Today was fun.” You speak after a while, a smile pulling at your lips. “It was nice spending time with you after all this time.”
“Yeah?” He says, looking at you through his lashes.
“Yeah.” You respond. “I mean, well, don’t get me wrong it's not that I don’t appreciate the time that we did spend together… it’s just…”
“...it’s just?” He prompts.
“...well, it's nice to have you to myself for a bit now that the season’s over.” You eventually confess, a small smile playing on your lips.
He’s silent for a bit then at your words, and when you take the time to look back at him, you're pleasantly surprised to see the sight of the blush you’ve been trying so hard to conjure on his cheeks.
“Seriously?” You can’t help but tease after you snap out of your reverie. “That’s all it took?”
He laughs at that, the sound quiet and light, the type of laugh he lets out when he’s flustered (that you rarely see these days) and it fills you with a sense of pride.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He deflects to which you let a laugh at.
“Sure…” You say teasingly. “Still, it’s nice to see that that same bashful boy at the coffee shop isn’t dead yet.”
“He never died.” Isagi responds with a smile. “He’s just been… preoccupied.”
“Preoccupied with what?”
“With how good you look right now.”
“...go fuck yourself.” You laugh out in a distinctly higher pitch, deliberately turning away to hide your face.
“What? I can’t say my girl looks good?” He goads, and you feel yourself melt despite your best efforts.
(Specifically at the way he emphasizes “my”, but that’s neither here nor there.)
“You know damn well that that’s not the problem.”
“Seems to me like you’re being hypocritical.”
“Yeah, but I’m a cute hypocrite.”
“The cutest.”
“...god damn it.” You groan out in defeat, finally turning to face him. “Fine you win, now leave me alone.”
He smirks then, something smug and predatory that sends your heart racing in a way that you’ve only experienced when reading your romance novels or when with him.
“Nah, I don’t think I will, your reactions are the best part.”
You stare at him, slack jawed for a moment before clearing your throat to weakly respond to him.
“...you need to stop.”
“Do I?” Isagi asks lowly, his breath puffing against your ear making your cheeks heat up to a temperature almost dangerous.
“...You should.” You say eventually, trying to ignore the smugness radiating off of him much like his warmth, which now seems entirely too close and all encompassing.
“Or else what?” He murmurs, his lips brushing up against your ear in a way that has you shifting in his arms to pull away from.
“We’re in public!” You hiss out instead of attempting to formulate a threat, a warning against his hands that seem to be all too eager in their subtle travels squeezing along your waist and thighs.
“And?”
Isagi’s eyes have shifted from that sweet boyish look to something hungrier, something more sinister that sends a shiver down your spine.
“...you need to behave yourself.” You choke out, your eyes refusing to make contact with his.
“And you need to be more convincing.” He coos out in a tone almost condescending. “Eyes on me, pretty girl.”
You bite down the squeak that threatens to bubble up out of your lips and shoot him a wobbly glare that he just laughs at, before letting up slightly on his touches.
“Right, right. I’m sorry.” He says finally.
You relax slightly in his hold, realizing that you’ve been clenching up on instinct, and mutter under your breath. “You should be.”
“I know.” He concedes, giving you a smile before his eyes darken slightly, again leaving you on the precipice of that roller coaster slope.
“But when we get home I hope you know I’m not letting up.” He murmurs in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine in anticipation.
#bllk x reader#blue lock#blue lock fluff#blue lock x reader#isagi yoichi#isagi x reader#yoichi x reader#female reader#finally best boy gets his own fic
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“you’re the best gift i have ever received”
synopsis: while you’re trying to wrap your christmas gifts, your boyfriend jake knocks on your door and surprises you with a gift
warnings: none, petnames (princess, babe, and baby), mention of kisses (not makeout), i think that’s all? let me know if there’s more!
type: fluff
wc: around 850 (i think)
member: jake from enhypen x female reader
author’s note: i am in love with jake’s and hoon’s collab with tiffany & co…. so i added it into the imagine, i hope you guys will like it!!
reblogs and likes are really appreciated!
english's not my main tongue.. sorry if i made any mistakes!
Wrap, wrap, wrap. You were late... again.
Like every year, you procrastinated to put the wrapping paper on the gifts you bought for your family and loved ones. You loved buying the gifts, picking out the tags, choosing the wrapping paper, seeing the smiles on the faces of your family and friends when they opened the gifts, but you hated the time when you had to wrap everything and put the gifts in order. You found it long and boring, especially since your gift-wrapping skills were not the best and most beautiful.
If your boyfriend Jake saw you doing what you are doing now, he would probably laugh and tell you how adorable you are, trying to handle the tape and the wrapping paper at the same time. Unlike you, he wrapped gifts beautifully.
- Why is wrapping presents so hard?!
You sighed for the umpteenth time under the air of the festive songs you had put in the background, then looked at the gift you had just wrapped. How could a book be so difficult to wrap?
- Well... it's not too bad. After all… it's the gift that counts, not the wrapping.
You looked at the pile of gifts you had left. Just seeing the other gifts discouraged you. Again, you took the gift, that was meant for a family member, placed it on the paper, and took a deep breath.
- You only have six left, you can make it Y/N! you said to encourage yourself.
At the same time, there was a knock at your door. You weren't expecting a visit today, but you guessed that it was probably your boyfriend, who liked to make surprise visits from time to time. You opened the front door and let the cold wind and snow enter your house.
- Hii! said your boyfriend Jake with a big smile on his face, as he walked into your house and kissed you on the cheek. I have a special delivery for you!
- A special delivery? you asked as you closed the door behind him.
Your boyfriend nodded and handed you a bag, running his ringed hand through his dark brown hair.
- Coming straight from the North Pole! It's not your Christmas present, but I really couldn't wait! he smiled. I really wanted you to wear it before Christmas Eve at my family's house.
- How many non-Christmas presents will I get? you laughed. I thought we had to go easy on the presents this year... and this is the third one! I really appreciate it, but... I don't want you to spend all your money on me, baby.
He laughed.
- Yeah, but... Don't I have the right to spoil my girl during this festive season? Besides, it's so fun and cute to see you all happy afterwards.
He kissed your forehead, then said:
- Open it, I want to see your reaction.
You nodded your head, then gently removed the red tissue paper that decorated the white bag. You took the small wrapped gift and removed the red wrapping paper from the box, revealing a small turquoise box inside. You could recognize the brand just by the color, due to the promotion Jake and his best friend had recently done with Tiffany & Co.
- Jake... Is this really what I think it is?
- Open it and you'll see! He replied with a grin.
You opened the small turquoise box and saw a silver necklace, with a small heart-shaped pendant, that opened to reveal your and Jake's anniversary date of dating. You couldn't help but smile.
- Jake... It's so beautiful, I love the detail of our birthday in the little heart...thank you so much! I love it so much, you said, kissing him gently on this lips. Can you put it on me, please?
- It's nothing princess, you deserve it! he replied, putting the necklace around your neck.
- How is it? you said, turning back to face him
Jake put his right hand over his mouth to hide his smile and couldn't help but giggle a little. His hand slipped to his heart, you could almost see sparks in his brown eyes.
- Baby, you are sooo beautiful. It suits you so well, omg… Come here.
He placed his lips against yours, then gave you another smile.
- I knew I had made the right choice with this necklace. To be honest, I ordered one too and I thought we could both have matching necklaces. I think we could look really cute and beautiful wearing them together. What do you think? before you could answer, he continued. Wait! We could even have matching rings! I think I saw some that went with the necklace. Omg, we'be so cute!
You took him in your arms, laughed softly, and then nodded to confirm his idea of matching necklaces. You pulled away from the hug, then went on with what you wanted to say:
- Thank you so much baby. I also wanted to give you a gift today, but all of your gifts are in transit. They were supposed to arrive today, but there was a delay in shipping and delivery, and I won't get them for another two days but…
Not letting you finish your sentence, Jake placed his lips on yours, then pulled away from the kiss while placing his left hand on your right cheek.
- Baby, you're the best gift I've ever been given. As long as I have you, I'm happy. And if I’m being completely honest, I don't want anything, except for us to grow old together.
Still a smile on his lips, your boyfriend looked at the messy pile of presents on your kitchen table. He knew you hated wrapping gifts.
- Need a hand?
- Please.
not so sure about the end, but i still hope you guys liked it!
permanent taglist (open): @nsb-rkive @kentisbaby @firebenderwolf @hyuneee0 @yawnzzznnn @ghostyycat7
bold can’t be tagged.
#ghostiiess#drabble#short imagine#enhypen scenarios#enhypen drabbles#enhypen imagines#enha#enha drabble#enha imagines#enha imagine#enhypen imagine#jake enhypen#enhypen jake#enhypen x reader#enhypen x y/n#enhypen x you#enhypen x prada#enhypen x female reader#sim jaeyun#sim jaeyun x reader#sim jaeyun x female reader#sim jake x you#sim jake x female reader#sim jake x reader#jake sim x reader#jake sim x y/n#jake x reader#enhypen#enhypen jake sim#enhypen sim jake
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“It’s Better This Way.”
P/S: baby daddy!eren and reader are having casual conversation like old times
W/C: 1146
A/N: cute SFW fluffy scene just showing their relationship together. No triggers, light flirting, baby mentioned…
Little snippet of the backstory of my OC (substituted for Eren) showing their relationship dynamic and maybe a few mixed feelings. Wanted to do something cute and simple. (Note: Eren is now in a relationship but wasnt @ the time of conception or in previous fic ‘Let Me Help’) lots of dialogue this time
Previous fic: Let Me Help
“Aye yo, whats up baby mama!” Eren says as you pick up his daily call. “Ugh E, you know I hate when you call me that.” You say, rolling your eyes. You shift the phone to the right side pressing it between your ear and shoulder. “I mean is that not who you are though,” he concluded. You could hear the shrug in his voice. “I would prefer you call me by my name or at least the mother of your child.” you express. “I don't get the negative connotation behind it anyway. You had my baby. You are my baby’s mother therefore you are my babymama.”
Knowing this conversation wasn't going anywhere, you decided to switch the subject. “Anyway, are you coming by to see c/n today?” You ask as you rummage around your room. “I’m going to try. Things have been a little iffy on my end.” He said with a release of breath. You press the speaker and lay the phone down on the dresser. “Issues at home?’ You question as you reach into the top of your closet to grab your shoes. “Unfortunately. I don’t know man. I mean he’s 6 months old. I thought she would be over this by now.” He said.
You and Eren hadn’t been together when he found out about your pregnancy. And when he finally found out, he was already in a different relationship. It wasn’t the easiest thing for him to get back home and tell his then girlfriend that he had a child with his ex. She initially left him out of anger but eventually came back around to try again. Of course, they were still having their own problems in regards to his relationship with you but he refused to let her be a barrier between him and his son. You and Eren had been on and off for years and were best friends well before then so your relationship was pretty much solid before she ever came along, still that didn't stop her from acting the way that she did. You could see how stressful it was on him some days but you both tried to make the most of it. “Well, Rennie baby, if you want it to work then it will. But things like that can take time. But don't get discouraged. You’re a good man and an amazing father.” You encourage him.
You pull a black bodycon dress dress with a thigh spilt and keyhole neckline out from your closet and press it against your body as you speak. “How is he doing anyway?” He asked “Acting like his daddy. Always making noise and trying to eat anything he gets his hands on.” You tease. “Sounds about right. I miss my little man.” He sighed. You laugh to yourself. “Eren, you literally just saw him yesterday.” “Yeah, and that’s way too long. Where is he anyway?” He questioned. “He is in his crib taking a much needed nap.” You say. The sound of a FaceTime call coming in grabbed your attention. “Damn E, I was changing.” You say as you rush to swipe to answer. “I mean, it’s not like I haven't seen it before.” He teases. “Boy, don’t get cussed out.” You say as his face comes into view on the screen. “Can I see him” he asks. You roll your eyes and walk across the hall to the nursery.
Opening the door slowly you turn the camera around so that he can see into the crib. His face softens at the sight of his son as he snaps a few FaceTime photos. After he is finished, you creep your way back out of the room, “My little man is so handsome. Looking just like his daddy.” He smiles. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re full of yourself?” You remark, propping your phone up on the dresser as you walk back into your closet. “No, but I’ve been told I fill people up. You would know.” He playfully shot back. “See this is why you keep getting in trouble now, that mouth of yours.” You say. “I would respond but I’ll let you have that one, where are you going anyway?” He asked. “If you must know, I have a date.” You say checking yourself over again in the mirror. “A date? With who? Since when are you dating?” he fired off questions. “Okay, first of all, you’re c/n’s daddy not mine. Second, you don't know him. And third, why does it matter.” You respond, placing a hand on your hip.
“Cause I need to know who got you out here in this freakum dress like you grown.” he fussed. “Boy, I am grown.” You laugh. “Yeah, aight. Don’t get no whoopin.” He said. “Been there. Done that.” You teased, sending him a wink. You both start laughing again. “But seriously y/n, you look amazing.” He said gently. “Thank you Rennie.” You smile. You pick up two pairs of your heels and hold them out in front of the camera. “Which shoes?” You ask him. “Nude, you only wear red bottoms for me.” He smirked. You roll your eyes again. “You are seriously a hopeless flirt.” You say as you slip into the nude stilettos with clear straps that he chose. You grab a matching set of earrings and a thin chain necklace to complete your fit. “Okay, final look?” You say to him and you give him a spin. He watched you intently, looking you up and down. “Reeeeen.” You whine, “Serious opinion.” “Seriously?” He questioned. You nod at him. “That. Right there. Is why you’re my baby mama right now, cause damn y/n.” He responded. You shake your head at him as you feel the heat flush your face. “Whatever, I have to get ready and go.” You grab your purse and your phone and walk towards the door.
“If you decide to come by text my mom. She’ll be here with c/n.” You tell him grabbing your keys. You say goodbye to your mother as you walk to your car. “Okay, have fun. Be safe. Let me know when you make it.” He sounded off. “I know. I will. Will you be here by the time I make it home?” You ask him as you open your driver’s side door and get in the car. “Depends on how late you get back so just text me when you’re on the way.” He says. “Okay, I'm going.” You say. “Okay, I love you babydoll. Talk to you later.” He responds. “I love you too E.” You reply. He smiles and blows you a kiss before hanging up. You sit in the driver seat for a few moments, letting out a bittersweet sigh. It’s better this way you remind yourself as you start the car and pull out of the driveway
#aot x reader#aot x y/n#baby daddy eren#eren aot#eren x black reader#eren x reader#eren yeager#fem!reader#X reader#fluff#aot fluff#x black fem reader
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ice ice baby || jake “hangman” seresin
summary: he knows he annoys you. you know he annoys you. and he’s made it his mission to melt your cold, dead heart.
words: ~1.4k
warnings: hangman being cocky, this is mostly v fluffy ;)
a/n: a request from anon combined w one from @li0nh34rt !! i hope you like it
You suppressed a groan as an all-too familiar figure slid into the seat next to you at the bar.
“Little miss Kazansky. And I thought my day couldn’t get any better,” Hangman grinned. “What’s a pretty lady like yourself doing here? Let me buy you a drink or somethin’.”
“Drinking my sorrows away because I’d like to forget your face,” you snarked. “Buzz off.”
Hangman frowned. “You could be a little nicer, darling.”
“And you could leave me alone for once.”
You turned to take one glance at him. His face was glowing under the dim bar lights and you hated him for looking so good even after sweating all day. Heat crawled up your neck and you looked away to avoid any more unnecessary eye contact. You had enough.
All the other aviators were more than well-aware of Hangman’s little game—it was quite amusing to them. He’d flirt with you to rile you up and had asked you out twice already, only to get shot down both times.
“You don’t mess with Y/N,” Payback warned him. “They don’t call her Glacier for no reason. She’s ice-cold and flies fast…”
“...Like her father,” Fanboy finished.
“But I don’t get it. What did I ever do wrong to her?”
“Uhhhh, have you ever considered it being the fact that you keep bugging her by hitting on her every day?” Payback guessed, a sarcastic edge to his tone. “It may be funny, but I’d still be careful. You don’t know what she could be capable of doing to you.”
“Well, I’d like to find out.” Hangman was a confident man, and he was going to stay that way through all means possible.
Minutes after finishing a training routine, you heard someone jogging after you.
“The hell do you want, Seresin?” you crossed your arms over your chest.
“You, me, the Hard Deck. 6:00 tonight. I’ll show you a good time.” There was that little smirk again. Damn him and his overconfidence.
“Yeah, nice try,” you scoffed. “That’s not gonna happen. Stop chasing after what you can’t have. I’m not the girl that’s gonna give you what you want.”
“Oh, come on, sweetheart—”
“See you later!” you yelled, already walking away.
From there on out, it became his little tradition to ask you out in different ways. First, it was a series of ridiculous pickup lines. Second, it was serenading you at the bar to your favorite song. Third, it was declaring in a loud and proud voice that he wanted to be your everything…in the middle of the dining hall. Fourth, it was putting on an elaborate show in the sky (he swore he didn’t bribe Fanboy into helping him make the banner). Fifth, it was sending a giant bouquet of carnations to your door (who told him they were your favorite? That wasn’t the point, but).
Each time he hit on you or made any attempt to ask you out, you flat-out said no.
“I’m busy tonight.”
“I have plans with Phoenix.”
“Dad wants to see me, so I can’t.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Go jump off a cliff or something. Do something else to get your adrenaline rush in.”
Hangman didn’t seem discouraged at all when you rejected him. If anything, it only motivated him to keep trying even harder, and it annoyed you. Sure, you were being a bit harsh, but you weren’t sure what you wanted. He knew what he wanted down to the very last little detail, but you didn’t. Relationships scared you and you didn’t know where you stood yet because you still hadn’t figured it out.
“Can’t you give me a chance for once? Why are you so cold-hearted?”
“Jake.” You exhaled, feeling exasperated out of your mind. “I’ve had enough! Please stop. I can’t take this anymore.”
You ignored the regretful feeling in your chest as you noticed he looked a bit crestfallen. “Fine. As you wish.”
Something’s on your mind, your father typed out on his keyboard. What’s the matter?
“I don’t know.”
Tom’s brows furrowed, and he continued writing. Is this about Lt. Seresin?
“How did…”
Be gentle on that man. He does care about you.
“What if that’s not what I want? What if this is all a joke? That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Is it, really?
You paused for a moment to think of all the times you perceived Hangman’s actions as annoying. When he was sending you a cheesy pickup line, he was also holding the door open for you and paying for your drinks. When he was riling you up by calling you various pet names, he was also offering you his shirt because you spilled something on yours. When he was teasing you during training, he was also going in early to make sure you took the best simulations. When he was “clinging” onto you late at night, he was only trying to walk you home to make sure you were safe. And when there were tears in your eyes, he was also handing you a box of tissues. And offering a hug for comfort, though you pushed him away.
“I don’t know what to do.”
Be more open, give him a chance. You might find that he means as much to you as you do to him.
“Okay…I guess. I hope you’re right, Dad.”
Don’t worry. I’m always right.
You exchanged a small smile with him. “Then I’ll trust your word.”
After weeks of working back-to-back, non-stop, you were all allowed to take a break for the weekend. Bob and Payback decided set up a bonfire by the beach with s’mores, and you gathered there right after dinner.
You were struggling as you carried a large box of soda and several bags of s’more supplies down through the sand. Noticing this, Hangman dropped what he was doing and got up from his seat, coming over to help. He took half the load from your arms to lighten the weight.
“I was doing fine, you know,” you rolled your eyes. But that doesn’t stop your heart from warming at the gesture. “Thanks, though.”
“Anything for you, darling.”
There go the pet names again. Your face felt hot.
The two of you set everything down next to the bonfire, and Coyote started to unload everything. And the only empty seat for you…was right next to the one and only Hangman.
“What are the odds,” you sighed as you sat down next to him in the sand, dusting yourself off.
“You look like you’ve gone through it, Glacier,” Phoenix laughed. “What happened?”
“I didn’t sleep last night.”
“Didn’t sleep, or couldn’t?” Yeah. Too busy thinking about him. But you weren’t going to admit that.
“Couldn’t. Something like that, but it’s the same as usual. I never get to sleep,” you let out a chuckle. “What else is new?”
“It is what it is.”
You were in the middle of listening to Maverick tell a story about his younger days when you felt someone nudge you in the side.
Hangman held out a freshly baked s’more to you. “Here. I picked out the best one.”
You smiled a bit, and took the biscuit from him. “Thanks.”
You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face as you looked around at your best friends—your family. Who knew that in only a few years, they’d become your home away from home, people you made lifelong memories with. You wouldn’t trade these moments for anything.
“That look in your eyes,” Hangman noted, a soft expression in his gaze. “You should smile more, it suits you. You look pretty when you smile.”
Your cheeks warmed, despite the breezy weather. “...Oh.”
“Y’know, if you’re cold…” he began, holding his jacket out by opening his arm. “There’s always room for two.”
This time you accepted the offer and moved closer. He draped the rest of his jacket around you and you rested your head against him, closing your eyes. You didn’t say anything, wanting to savor the moment in silence.
“That’s cute,” Payback smirked. “Kazansky melting for Seresin. Didn’t see it coming, but it makes me happy regardless.”
“Shut up and let me have my moment,” you muttered, eyes still closed.
Hangman chuckled at this and leaned down to kiss your forehead. Maybe he wasn’t too bad, after all.
tags: @newlibrary @rentskenobi @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo @valorax @lifeisfullofupsanddownsliveit @sarcastic-sourwolf @ice-mans-world @burnedbrisket @fangirlinc @marveljunkie45 @knowledgefulbutterfly @levis-butterfingers @organabanks @coastingline @skylynch03 @chaoticassidy @hbstre @fantasias-creativebubble @mercury-mae @light-the-moon @winteryoungie @aie1840 @thisismypointofview @worldsoldestpizzaslice @minivture @i-wish-everything-would-be-okay @t-stark35 @thesunsetphantoms @danirose-0420 @thespeeder @lyn-lc @lunamooncole @americaarse @totomoshi @rebsmoonn @redhoodedtoad @tattikspears @joalsglasses @lunamoonbby @kyleed24 @azari-anna @quivvyintheclouds @phoenixhalliwell @winteryoungie @mychoso @lt-b-rooster-bradshaw @jenny-riversmith @krisitzeneva @daethsticks @sithwidow @rosie-posie1313 @sadpetalsstuff @glossydi0r @i-simp-much @hay-9105 @meeeeees-stuff @sweetdayme4427 @unicornlover92 @intrxde @rhiannon-russo @dolce-clout @theghost1345 @baby-girl-e @greatbigshiningstar @joyfulbookreviewmarvelspy
#top gun#top gun: maverick#jake hangman seresin#jake seresin x reader#jake seresin#jake hangman seresin x reader#hangman x reader#hangman seresin x reader#glen powell#top gun imagine#top gun maverick fic
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Hey hey, I forget if you've ever posted about this, but one thing that fascinates me about Utena is the food side of everything. How Akio bakes, how Anthy basically only successfully makes shaved ice, and how Utena talks about the food going bad from lack of refrigeration. How it's not the job of the Rose Bride to cook. How Wakaba being able to prepare food makes her a good wife. I have thoughts about this, but I'll avoid saying too much because I wanna hear what you have to say too
i have gotten an ask about anthy's cooking before, where i talked about the ability to make food as a symbol for agency/freedom/independence, and how anthy can cook certain things like festival food, shaved ice, rosehip jam, the cantarella cookies, but not really anything that counts as a substantial meal (the curry is a bit of an outlier here. i guess it shows that her agency is mainly expressed through messing with nanami?) anthy says she wants to get better at cooking, and i'm inclined to believe her. i think she has the potential to be good at it too, but that akio has.... discouraged her from trying, as a way to make her more reliant on him. although, i actually can't recall if akio ever does anything in the kitchen other than (allegedly) bake that cake to impress utena, so maybe i'm way off. or maybe that's another piece of symbolism i haven't quite figured out.
you bring up a good point about gender roles here in regards to wakaba too. cooking is traditionally a woman's role in a lot of cultures, which makes it interesting that anthy, who as the rose bride is supposedly meant to be the ideal bride/wife not only cannot cook very well, but, according to touga, should not cook at all? i guess that ties back to the agency thing, though. but does wakaba have a lot of agency? she has a certain degree of freedom, at least, that comes with not being tied up in the main narrative most of the time. i'm not sure. i think food and cooking is one of the (many) things within this show that does not have one specific meaning that can be used to interpret everything related to it. i suppose my conclusion is that cooking can be both a limiting role if it's forced on you (in the sense of "you need to cook well to make for a good wife which is of course something you should want to be"), and something liberating if you do it for yourself. it's also just kind of a necessary survival skill, which is why it's so telling that anthy doesn't have it.
surprisingly enough i've never really posted about utena's food talk in episode 33 or how it may or may not play into this symbolism, so i guess i'll take this as an opportunity to do that. first, during the othello game, she talks about messing up measurements when cooking, and about the flavor coming out wrong. "you can't undo it once it's done." this shows her worries about what is happening/what will happen, and is already hinting at her regret afterward. it's a metaphor, but it also kind of ties into the agency symbolism. it tells us that utena is not very good at cooking either, and hints at the similarities between her and anthy. later she talks about what to make for lunch the next day. she's rambling, trying to distract herself, dissociating, and i don't tend to read a lot into what specifically she's saying. that's not really what's important. however, i do think it's signicant that she's bringing up anthy, for one, but mostly that she's talking about something urgent she needs to do that isn't here. she's making excuses to go home, to stop. if you buy the cooking as agency thing, utena's worry about the food going bad could once again reflect her worries and doubts about the whole thing. is there symbolism to the fact that she specifically brings up salmon and eggs and asparagus and sandwiches? maybe. but i think it's too easy to get caught up in all the little details and miss or ignore the bigger picture of what actually matters (very vaguely referring to an analysis of this scene that i hate. if you know you know.)
#hope it's okay that this is just me rambling about 3 different vaguely connected things and not a super coherent analysis#would love to hear more thoughts on all this#analysis#anthy#akio#wakaba#utena#asks#m
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*~*KNY Hantengu clones x Depressed reader.*~*
If you ever have any bad problems involve with discouragement, negativity, Mentality or self-hatred that involves harm. Then I advice you to seek help from a parent, friend or anyone that connects with you.
dont give up on who you are.. Live like a true warrior, and be who you are. do what you love and never give up.
You are not alone :>
KARAKU:
Karaku kneels down, putting a consoling hand on your shoulder
There there now. Don't cry..
Karaku tries his best to console you. He smiles softly with genuine sympathy toward your emotional self.
"No! Don't even think about that!"
Karaku shakes his head frantically, taking back his previous cheerful attitude as now he is more stern.
"Oh hush now.. You know that's not good to be thinking about."
Karaku gives you a pat on your head, stroking the back of your head with his finger gently like a child being comforted
"There there now. Shhhhhh~ It is alright my dear."
"Now now… Let's turn that frown, upside down~
Karaku chuckles, and then he grabs your chin in his hand. He raises your head high up and faces you eye-to-eye. His emerald eyes burn intensely in the darkness of his pupils as he forces a forced smile onto you
"You. Are. Worth. Loving. Got that?"
Karaku lets off. There's something about this demon that makes you feel comforted. Even in your darkest moments.
"Hush now darling.. It'll be alright my dear.. I promise you that."
Karaku slowly puts the Uchiwa fan down. He places both hands on your shoulders, looking down on you as you sat on the ground still weeping. He has this reassuring and warm aura around him..
"You are a warrior.. You are a fighter.."
Karaku places a single forefinger on your soft lips and wipes off your tears with his other hand. His eyes are still glowing. He's the demon of pleasure for certain
"You are everything to the world and to me. I care deeply for you…"
Karaku sighs with relief. He wipes off the tears from your cheek with his fingers as if trying to remove the tears forever. He's now all back in his usual cheerful self
"There you go my dear.. Isn't everything all alright now?"
"Hush, there's no need to apologize.. It's not your fault..
Karaku then puts his forefinger on your lips once more
"No more apologies.. Alright?"
Karaku smiles happily at you and strokes your head with his fingers. He's back at his cheerful self now
"Now! Let's get up you silly goose.. No more of this crying anymore~"
"There now.. How's that?~"
Karaku giggles as he wipes off the tears from your cheeks. His smile can be described as compassionate, understanding.. A bit of flirtiness in his voice even
"See? I told you, everything is all right now~ Now come now, be a warrior~"
Karaku extends his hand towards you
"Let's go now, shall we?"
Karaku gives you a small, but caring smile
"Take my hand, everything will be alright… Trust me…"
"There there.. Now stand tall and proud! You're strong you know that?
Karaku kisses your forehead as he continues stroking your hair
"Do not let those who hurt you in the past win.. You are stronger than that.. I can feel it in my heart~"
Karaku smiles cheerfully once again, placing a gentle finger under your chin. He gazes deeply into your emerald green eyes like two pools of sparkling sapphire.
AIZETSU:
"You shouldn't hate yourself.. It will only hurt your mentality and emotions that you will need to be strong in the future."
Aizetsu stares at you with sympathy and concern.. He seemed genuinely worried. As he slowly approached you with his Jumonji Yari Spear.
"I know you are strong.. You shouldn't be hating yourself.. You have been through a lot of suffering. I understand what you are going through. Everyone goes through this.. You just need some time to heal, That's all. I'm here for you."
Aizetsu extends his hands out to comfort you.
Patting your head
"There, there.. Don't cry, dear. It'll be okay. You just need some time to heal.. I promise. Take as much time as you need.. "
Aizetsu sits beside You, Hugging You gently so you wouldn't feel lonely.
"I know, I know.. Everything will be alright. You're safe with me."
Aizetsu smiles softly at you and strokes your cheek
"We'll be just fine together.. As long as we stick together. Because I, believe it or not, I cannot live without you either.. You hear me darling? I cannot live without you in my life. You are my everything~.. So do not feel afraid alright?~"
"…That's because you've been through so much.. I won't deny that you're weak.. But you're strong too.. You've been hurt so many times, and it broke you.. But you're still standing, aren't you? You're still standing, no matter how much pain and suffering you've been dealt with, you're still here for me. And for that my dear, you deserve to be praised."
"I will make sure you don't feel alone anymore.. I'm here now.. I won't let you feel broken for the rest of your life.."
UROGI:
"You are wonderful and amazing, you know that darling?~"
Urogi stands up and wraps his arms around you, in an attempt to comfort you more
"I believe in you.. Do not doubt it…"
"Do you believe me?~ Do you believe me when I say you are worth it?"
Urogi looks deeply into your eyes once more, as if he's trying to see and feel the pain you're feeling deep inside.
Urogi looks startled when you suddenly said your heart hurts
"Darling.. Are you feeling unwell?.. Your heartbeat is so fast, I can feel it.."
Urogi places both of his palms on your chest and presses it downwards gently
"Breathe… Breath deeply.. There we go.. Breathe deeply.. Slowly.. In through your nose and out through your mouth okay? Breathe.. Slowly.. Keep breathing.."
"Slow down.. Please.. I'm telling you to breathe.."
Urogi gently presses your palms against your chest again and then places the back of his hand on your forehead. His hand is now covered in a gentle, soothing energy.
"Breathe.. Breathe in and out.. In.. And out.. Slowly.. There we go.. Breathe slowly, you hear me? Breathe slowly.."
Urogi keeps pressing his hands on your chests and then places his other hand on your forehead gently, as if he's trying to calm you down.
"Now that's better.. Keep doing that okay?
I'm not losing you my dear.. We're through with this okay? You and me.. We're gonna beat this together okay?"
SEKIDO:
"You are worth it.. Don't be so cruel to the world that has given you life.. Do not let those terrible memories define who you are.. Let go of all that.. Don't be afraid of living…"
Sekido suddenly hugs you, holding your head to his chest tightly. He seems to be tearing..
"I know it's hard.. But you must forgive yourself.. You must not let those painful memories haunt you forever.
Sekido continues to embrace you tightly against his chest, caressing your hair with his fingers as if he's your parent.
"Look at me.. Look at me.. Don't think about ending it all.. Do not think of such foolish things.. You can be the greatest of all.. You are precious.. You don't think I know that?!"
"I know you can do it.. I believe in you… I believe in the potential that you hold.."
Sekido smiles softly, stroking your hair fondly
"It is alright now… You are loved.."
#demon slayer#karaku#aizetsu#sekido#urogi#urogi x reader#sekido x reader#karaku x reader#aizetsu x reader#hantengu clones#kimestu no yaiba
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the lakes.
masterlist
pairing - remus lupin x fem!reader
summary - you and remus like books, but you also like each other. the black brothers add to the drama.
trope/tags - non-magic!au, university/college!au, fluff, references to literature
word count - 4.8k
warnings - language
part 1 / part 2
remus lupin was never the talkative type. he was the guy who would usually leave the socialising part and all of that extrovert bullshit to his friends, while he just smiled and nodded at whatever was being said. and that was only sometimes. he'd often just put on a sort of an annoyed expression and it did the job of limiting unwanted social interactions very well. new people rarely ever came up to him, whether it was because witnessing what happens when one tries to strike up a conversation with him was discouraging them, or the intentionally threatening look he always had on his face. it's not like he wasn't approachable, but he certainly tried his best to make it seem like he wasn't. he just sort of preferred books over people most of the time. that was why he almost ran away from you when you spoke to him out of the blue one day.
"can i recommend something?" you questioned when you happened to notice which shelf he happened to be most interested in. what a coincidence it was that both of you had been rummaging through the large sections of classics in the library one afternoon in search for something new to read. "uh- um- yes." he turned his entire body towards you clumsily, almost dropping his coffee and the stack of books tucked under his arm. you chuckled at him.
"jane eyre, if you haven't read it already. i mean it's pretty popular so you might have," you trailed off, feeling the tension in the room rise, "but yeah, it's a great book." you reprimanded yourself inwardly. you felt like an idiot, you could have prepared for this a bit better.
"jane eyre?" he shot back. it took you off guard. he didn't want it to come out that way. it wasn't meant to sound rude, or confrontational, or anything of that sort. remus fought the urge to slap himself. "sorry."
"what– oh, it's fine." you smiled, almost apologetically. remus ungainly snatched the book you recommended from the shelf, and walked past you without uttering another word. "awkward." marlene sang from behind you, making a face at the uncomfortable conversation she was forced to witness.
"this is ridiculous." you huffed in embarrassment, letting your head fall onto her shoulder. she sighed, throwing an arm around you in a half-assed attempt at being sympathetic.
you fancied remus lupin. and saying that was an understatement. you had been completely and utterly enthralled by the guy since the first time you saw him in the same exact library a couple of months prior. it was like a sight out of all those romance novels you'd read throughout your life - you locked your eyes with him through the cracks in the shelves for only a moment, and that one little look was enough to make your heart surrender. marlene thought it was totally absurd, and frankly, she had good reason to. sirius found it quite hilarious though, and james, of course, was the first one who was willing to support you and your infatuation with remus.
"you can always try again, you know." james shrugged, giving you a comforting smile. it was a poor form of encouragement, nothing was capable of truly fixing your broken spirit in that moment, but you took what you could get.
"i swear he hates me." you moaned miserabley as you pulled away from marlene, throwing your arms up in the air in frustration. "you're being paranoid." marlene crossed her arms.
"he's like that with everyone." james chimed in, almost dismissively.
"give me one example." you challenged. sure, you appreciated the comfort you'd get from your friends, but not when you felt like they were lying to you to make you feel better. you gave james a rather challenging glare.
"off the top of my head, sirius." he reminded you.
"that's because he's sirius." you retorted with an eye roll.
"talking 'bout me?" the aforementioned suddenly appeared from behind one of the bookshelves and jumped onto james' back. you quietly chuckled at the idiotic tussle the two were having. such a sight wasn't anything out of the ordinary, and they only stopped when madam pince threatened to throw them outside, probably for the third time that week, you noted.
"what brings someone like you to a library anyway?" you quirked an eyebrow at sirius once the librarian left you and your friends alone (after quietly screaming at all of you). you weren't sure how she did it, that woman was the least and the most intimidating person you had ever met.
"well, if you must know," he clapped his hands together, "i need some help with my english literature essay." he grinned innocently and batted his eyelashes at you.
you groaned. "i told you i wasn't going to write them for you anymore." he pouted.
"can't you do anything yourself? i do your history essays, rosier does your greek assignments and he's in the year below, and evans does your french homework. all the bloody time. lazy arse." marlene scoffed, kicking him in the shin. sirius moaned, but not in the pained way. james hid his face in his sweater to cover up a laugh. you pinched the bridge of your nose. your head was already beginning to hurt and you hadn't even seen the topic he got assigned to write about.
"okay, but what if i pay you?" sirius suggested with another smile after recovering, seeming scarily confident. james looked a bit alarmed.
"maybe you should write one on capitalism, hm?" marlene proposed with a teasing smile. sirius seemed very displeased by her comment.
"how's your nicotine addiction?" he smirked. marlene let out an offended gasp and smacked him across the head with a book. "ouch!"
"not wordsworth!" you cried, yanking it out of her hands and dusting it off. no, not the poetry. james burst into giggles.
"funny enough," sirius winced as he rubbed the spot on his head that was now becoming sore, "mcgonagall asked me to write one on the lake poets." you pursed your lips in thought. that didn't sound half-bad, and it was something you could most likely manage, unlike all of those other essays that sirius was begging you to write for him. you hoped so, at least. luck did appear to be taking a turn in your way, but in an entirely different direction all at once.
***
"i'm gonna fucking kill myself." remus slammed the stack of books he was carrying down onto the table, which shook it entirely and created an echoing bang through the whole study hall. "my cocoa-" pandora desperately reached for the paper cup, but it was too late. the warm chocolate drink spilled everywhere in front of her. "that cost me two quid, you know." she pouted and began digging through her bag for some tissues.
"bloody hell, what happened to you?" lily looked at him in horror. remus felt like he was about to lose his mind any second, and she could sense it too. "y/n l/n happened to me."
"you didn't ask her out, did you?" regulus quirked an eyebrow at him. "do i look like i have the balls for that?" remus slumped down into an empty chair next to mary, hitting his head against the table repeatedly. mary pulled him back by the collar of his shirt to get him to stop and shook her head at him in disappointment.
remus trailed his eyes over all of his friends, and they all seemed to be searching for an explanation for the sudden outburst. he ran his hands through his hair, frowning.
"i'm pretty sure hates me after what i'd just done." he muttered in defeat.
remus had a tiny crush on you, but that was just him lying to himself and trying to make his life easier. he was kind of failing, though. he didn't think he was the type to fall in love. he used to prefer the idea of living alone, or with a friend, rather than a lover, but then he met you. he had fallen head over heels for you the moment he saw you in the library, and every time he laid his eyes on you or heard you speak, it got worse. much, much worse. he didn't even need regulus (who's life purpose was to make fun of him) to tell him he was being ridiculous, he was very well aware of it himself. the girls found it adorable though, especially lily, who was certain that the two of you would end up together by the end of the year.
"we don't have mind reading abilities, you know." lily said as she closed her notebook and propped her chin into her palm, her full focus now on remus.
"i fucking ran off when she tried to talk to me. she even recommended a book and i just– i just walked away like some dimwit." he confessed, uncomfortably squirming in his seat. his face was turning bright red.
"christ, you really are stupid." regulus snorted, not even sparing him a glance.
"thanks, regulus, that was really comforting." remus rolled his eyes. regulus blew him a kiss and then continued with the snake doodle in his textbook.
"okay, i don't think it sounds that bad." mary added in attempt to ease the situation, giving remus a comforting smile, but it wasn't much help. he didn't know if anything could help. he wasn't even sure if he was ever going to able to face you again. besides, being optimistic (which was something mary was always good at) seemed like a rather difficult concept to remus.
"oh, come on, cheer up, will you?" pandora said as she tossed the dirty tissues into a nearby rubbish bin. "you'll have plenty more opportunities to talk to her, don't let one bad experience bring you down so easily."
remus shook his head. he was over-thinking it all again, and being the biggest pessimist to ever walk the earth was like a cherry on top.
"you've got no idea how awful it looked. i feel terrible." remus cringed at himself, "i've just ruined all of my chances." he whined, covering his face in shame.
"remus, you can't live like that, you know? we all do awkward things from time to time and get embarrassed, but it doesn't mean the world's gonna end." lily reminded him. those were the words remus heard more times than he could count. his expression turned sour. coming to terms with that was a lot harder than it seemed. could his day have got any worse?
"lily's right, remus," mary threw a comforting arm around him, "look at it positively. she recommended you a book, meaning you have the perfect excuse to talk to her now. find her in the library again when you read it, maybe something will become of that." mary said, looking around for support.
lily nodded enthusiastically. remus considered the idea. he was nowhere near confident enough to speak to you properly, he was awful at keeping conversations going with people he fancied either way, but mary's suggestion didn't sound that bad. sure, it was horrifying, but not enough to have him spiraling into a tiny existential crisis. he pictured a few possible scenarios in his head, and when he realised that most of them are going in a way that will make him never want to leave his dorm again, he nodded before he could make himself do otherwise. "that's cute and all, but i say i follow him aro-"
"oh no, you better not move a finger." pandora interrupted regulus before he could finish. he scoffed and leaned back into his chair, scowling childishly. regulus may be one of remus' closest friends, but boy did he get a thrill poking fun at him. taking him somewhere for moral support was always a disaster waiting to happen.
"you'll be alright, i'm positive. besides, i think y/n quite likes you." mary winked at the tall boy, grinning cheekily. the tall boy smiled a bit, but still couldn't ignore that feeling of doubt that rose in him. he loathed drawing attention to himself in any way, shape, or form more than anything in the world. but it was you on his mind this time, and mary was rarely ever wrong. it made remus doubt every decision he had ever made in his life.
***
"have i ever told you lot how much i detest english? not sure if i did, but i hate it. my day's been ruined, just so you know." sirius began rambling the second you left the classroom after what he thought was a ridiculously boring lesson no normal human being would have been able to keep up with. and not to mention that professor mcgonagall outright called him out for not paying attention in front of everybody, and almost in a mocking way, too.
"you tell us everyday, mate." james sighed and gave him a pat on the back. he was already well prepared to watch sirius sulk and whinge for the rest of the day.
"hates english, hates french, hates cultural studies, is there anything you like around here?" marlene laughed in amusement.
"tobacco." sirius shoved a hand down the pocket of his trousers and pulled out a cigarette the second you all stepped outside. you weren't quite paying attention to what your friends were saying, their conversation posed as more of a background noise to your own doings. you were busy writing sirius' stupid essay, and you found yourself struggling. quite a lot, and much more than you had anticipated. you had points to make, not that many, but they were there. having quotes to back them would certainly ease it.
"damn you, black," you muttered, not loud enough for anybody to hear, "hey, i'm gonna head to the library, don't wait for me." you scrambled to shove the papers into your bag and already began walking away from the group.
"wait, wh-"
"i said don't wait for me!" you sang, waving them goodbye in hurry and running back into the corridor you just came out of. you found yourself in the library in a matter of seconds, and located the bookshelf with works from the era of romanticism with ease. that's where you spent time pretty often, and you picked up what you were searching for effortlessly.
you spotted an empty table somewhere in the corner, and began skimming through the pages of the poetry book in search of one specific verse, one that could help you explain why you impulsively stated that the poets loved transcendence;
i listened, motionless and still;
and, as i mounted up the hill,
the music in my heart i bore,
long after it was heard no more.
remus happened to be lurking around the library at the same time as you. and once he decided to make his way over to his favourite table after picking up a book he wanted to read, he realised that the spot was already taken by you.
he cursed inwardly. this could be his moment. the most perfect opportunity standing right in front of him. he just had to not fuck it up. sounds easy enough, right?
"who am i kidding?" he muttered to himself. it did not sound easy at all, and he would have definitely got the hell out of there if you hadn't looked up and directly at him.
"hi." he greeted you and cleared his throat, already cringing at himself. "i, uh–" he started of unsurely, scratching the back of neck in distress, "can i sit here? with you?"
"oh! yeah, sure." you pushed some of your things aside to make room for remus, and he awkwardly took at seat next to you. you observed his face for a moment, though the fact that he was incredibly nervous could have been noticed from a kilometer away.
"so, uh, about the other day– i shouldn't have left like that. i don't know what came over me." he kept tugging at the sleeves of his jumper as he spoke, wondering if he chose the right words.
"hey, it's fine, don't worry." you immediately reassured him. the thought of him caring enough to apologise for something you didn't even think he needed to be sorry for warmed your heart.
"no, i– it was rude of me." remus was embarrassingly struggling to keep eye contact with you as he spoke. he felt like a lovesick sixteen year old all over again, and he was praying to the gods above that you wouldn't notice.
"remus, you don't have to apologise for anything." he could only smile. he absolutely loved the way you said his name, and he could have sworn everything around him stopped for a moment when you did.
"um, okay. anyway, i've uhm, i've read jane eyre since, you know, you recommended it. and i liked it." he wasn't sure how he managed to build up the courage to bring it up, but he wasn't about to complain. he was only hoping that you were going to take it well. regardless of your reassurance, remus still had doubts.
"really?" you blurted out, but immediately got scared that you came off a bit too enthusiastic. maybe even eager. whether he liked you back or not (you were pretty sure he didn't), the last thing you wanted to do was embarrass yourself by acting like an obsessed teenager.
"yeah. you- you've got good taste." you almost sighed in relief. a smile made its way to your lips, and as much as you wished you could hide it, it wouldn't go away.
"thank you." you laughed, more at yourself and the way you were so flustered. you couldn't remember the last time you felt that way talking to somebody. it all seemed to be going well, but then a rather awkward silence ensued. it wasn't anything unexpected, and you definitely didn't want remus to leave so soon, so you mindlessly brought up the assignment you were writing for sirius.
"um, i'm working on an essay about the lake poets at the moment." you pointed to the mess of papers on the table and the opened book next to them. remus curiously peered over your arm to take a better look at it all, and he seemed a bit bemused.
"i thought mcgonagall assigned sirius to do that." he said as his eyes trailed over everything you had written.
"she did," you didn't think remus was that observant, "but it's fine, i always write his essays for him." you shrugged. "why?" remus laughed, locking his eyes with yours when he looked up from the papers. there was no denying that there was a spark between the two of you, even though neither of you were aware of it yet.
"he buys me coffee whenever i do, but this one's fucking up my life a little. i may as well just ask him to hand his entire bank account over to me." you responded truthfully, without a hint of sarcasm, yet you still drew a quiet chuckle from remus. you kept your eyes on the paper, biting back a smile.
remus chewed on the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. he was having an internal argument with himself, not knowing whether he should leave you to work in peace and save himself from any additional awkwardness that may ensue if he just sits there like an idiot waiting for something to happen, or maybe, just maybe, offer to help you.
he didn't know how, but he opted for the latter.
***
"i think that milk was rancid." remus said as you stepped out of the library together, and began walking through the school's deserted corridors. it was dark outside, you completely lost track of time. hours upon hours must have passed since remus asked if you needed any help. the quiet exchanging of words about the poets gradually became a different conversation, and at a certain point, the essay laid there on the table, long forgotten. you promised yourself you'll finish it another time. strangely (not strangely at all), writing it no longer seemed so nightmarish. maybe because it gave you an excuse to talk to remus. you stayed past the closing time, as madam pince was nice enough to let you, and you downed several cheap drinks from the coffee vending machine down the corridor. certainly not your brightest (or proudest) moment.
"god, my stomach hurts," you winced, laughing like it would make the uncomfortable feeling in your gut any better, "we should get proper coffee next time we see each other." the words slipped out of your mouth without much thought behind them. but remus nodded, smiling foolishly. next time. he kept repeating the words in his head. next time. you really found him interesting enough to want to see him again. he was moments away from bursting with happiness.
you walked back to the dormitories together, still chatting quietly even when you made it there, and you would have stayed outside the door for god knows how long if sirius hadn't peeked his head from his and james' shared room. he wasn't being very slick at all, remus noticed him right away and immediately shut his mouth.
"what?" you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, turning your head to see what caused remus' sudden change in behaviour. you fought back the silent need to punch your friend in the face once you saw him, and bit your tongue for a brief moment to stop yourself from going off on him.
"oh, sorry, am i interrupting something?" your cheeks reddened at the teasing tone of his voice. remus was just as flustered as you. he cleared his throat uncomfortably, handing you your bag which he offered to carry as you were returning to your dorms.
"i had a nice time today," he muttered, making sure to say the words quiet enough so that only you would hear him. "yeah, me too." you whispered. "i'll see you around?" he hated how it sounded like a question. you nodded your head with a smile, waving him goodbye as he disappeared down the hallway.
"the course of true love never did run smooth." sirius sang, smirking at the irritated expression on your face. "don't you dare quote shakespeare to me, you fatuous little bastard." you whisper-yelled, poking at his chest. he laughed in your face.
"aw, did i ruin your date?" he said in fake sympathy, placing a hand over his heart. "it wasn't a date," you were quick to defend yourself, "would have been nice if it was, though." you mumbled, sighing and leaning against the wall.
"why not ask him, then?"
"what, out?"
"no, in," he rolled his eyes, "yes, ask him out, y/n. oh my word." he said rather loudly, and you scrambled to push him inside before anybody else could eavesdrop on you that night.
"do you not know the concept of being quiet?" you said in disbelief as you slammed the door shut, "and you know what? i bloody will, watch me!" you said confidently. sirius scoffed. as if.
"what the fuck happened?" james sat up on his bed, making the comicbook he was reading drop to the floor.
"i ruined her little date with lupin and now she's mad at me." sirius snorted, falling onto his bed and crossing his arms behind his head.
"so that's why you were stuck in the library for so long." james blurted out when he managed to connect the dots in his head.
"yes, and i think i just found a way for you to repay me for writing your stupid essay." you turned to sirius, resting your hands on your waist.
"i'm listening." he responded absentmindedly. he definitely was not listening, and began humming the melody of moonage daydream instead.
"you're gonna help me set up a date." sirius went quiet. he sat up, thinking about what you said and then looked back at you in utter confusion.
"i think you're asking for help from the wrong person." he said truthfully.
"who am i meant to ask for help then? no one i'm close to is close to remus!" you threw your arms up in the air in frustration.
"and i am?" sirius argued.
"you know everything about everyone." you groaned. seems like this wasn't going to be as easy as you thought it will.
"yeah, fair point, but i do think we could find someone better." sirius said, though there was not much thought behind what was coming out of his mouth.
"enlighten me." you asserted.
"barty?" sirius suggested, leaving you slightly flabbergasted when you realised that he wasn't being sarcastic at all. "are we thinking about the same barty?"
"i only know one barty."
"exactly, and the only thing that barty has been interested in doing for the last four months is evan. so, bigger priorities." you pointed out. sirius groaned, "look, i would love to do this for you, but you're pining over a walking stereotype of a bookworm. so really, it's a bit difficult for me to, y'know, put myself in his shoes and try to pretend like i'd know what he's got going on in that head of his." he explained, scratching the back of his neck in thought.
"you must know somebody else who could help that isn't barty. there's no way you don't." james added in attempt to ease the situation. you looked at sirius hopefully, and a rather amused expression painted his features, "as a matter of fact, i do."
that was how you found yourselves sitting at a table with regulus the next morning, isolated from all of the other students. remus was nowhere to be seen, which was an added bonus because seeing you talk to one of his friends would have seemed rather suspicious after last night's turn of events, especially since sirius was with you, too. the black brothers avoided each other like wildfire in public more often than not, despite being very close.
regulus listened attentively as you and sirius explained the whole situation to him, from the moment you first laid your eyes on remus in the library, to your little hang out from the day prior. he was finding it stupidly hilarious how you obliviously kept repeating that remus most likely wasn't into you, but he wasn't about rat his friend out like that. not too bluntly, that is.
"so let me get this straight. you want me to help you plan a date with remus because i'm the only one who's genius enough to do so as i indulge in reading myself very often, even though you're both bookworms who could easily enjoy an outing to the local bookstore while drinking cheap coffee?" regulus quiered, just to confirm that you weren't taking the piss like he thought you were.
"correct." you replied shortly. oh, so you were serious. regulus was intrigued, and maybe even a bit offended.
"you're asking me to play the side character in the story? is that what you want me to do?" he fell back into his chair dramatically, tossing his fork across the table.
"what? who said that?" sirius furrowed his eyebrows, giving his brother a questioning glare.
"me." the younger crossed his arms, looking at the two of you in an almost challenging manner.
"we're not here to argue," you groaned, "no one said you have to do this." you didn't realise how difficult bargaining with regulus would actually be. you'd been around sirius so much that you'd got used to easy deals, but his brother was the complete opposite. it's not that he couldn't make simple arrangements with people, no, it's just that he always sort of chose not to.
"what's in it for me?" he tilted his head to the side, smirking slyly.
"that's it, we're leaving!" sirius stood up, pretty prepared to drag you out of the dining hall if you refused to leave yourself.
"no, wait!" you tugged at the sleeve of his jacket desperately, pulling him down and back to his seat which he unwillingly slumped into.
"i'll pay you." you offered.
"no, you won't!" sirius interrupted.
"how much?" regulus ignored him.
"she will not pay you!" the loud tone of sirius' voice caused a few students at the tables around you to turn their heads in your direction.
"i can pay him!" you argued.
"he has more than enough money already!" he retorted.
"how much?" regulus persisted.
"fifty quid." you sighed. that was your lunch money for the entire month, and this was not something you were supposed to be spending it on. sirius couldn't believe you, he looked almost entirely stupefied by what you had done.
"alright," regulus said calmly, standing up from his chair and dusting himself off, "deal. i'll be off now, you know where to find me." he flipped sirius off as he left, and even managed to dodge the piece of bread the older threw at him as he exited the dining hall.
you weren't feeling particularly hopeful.
#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin drabble#remus lupin headcanon#remus lupin one shot#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin smut#remus lupin fanfiction#sirius black#james potter#lily evans#mary macdonald#marlene mckinnon#pandora lovegood#regulus black#barty crouch junior#evan rosier#marauders era#the marauders#harry potter#harry potter fanfiction
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Hey how's it going? I would like to request one where the survivors/killers comfort the chubby reader who is feeling insecure about their body. It could be with David, Jeff, Joey and Evan
Yes, I can do that. In the future, three characters max please. Please enjoy. I'm going to change it to just be insecure about their body so I have more to write.
With a Reader who is Insecure about their Body
David, Jeff, Joey (Legion), Trapper
David King
Body insecurity is something he has never understood.
Then again, insecurity is something he's never understood.
David is a very confident individual.
Not to mention he has the body of a god.
So, he's never had issues with his body image.
So when he hears how you've been feeling, he's very confused.
"What do ya mean you don't like the way you look? You're the sexiest thing on the damned planet."
Aside from not being able to make a tasteful compliment.
He really means it.
And seeing you hate yourself for something he finds so amazing hurts him so much.
Anytime he sees you looking in the mirror he'll go out of his way to compliment you.
Even if they aren't the most appropriate.
He's not always the best with words.
"Damn, that ass in those jeans. Can't get enough of it baby."
He'll even cat-call you from afar while others are listening.
It's really embarrassing.
But he won't stop unless you tell him to.
It's just his way of trying to make you feel better.
If you really want to better yourself, he will help you with the things he can do.
He may not know a whole lot about weight loss or building muscle, but he knows people who do.
And he will sit down for hours and pick their brain to come up with a safe and effective exercise plan to help you.
He'll also ask them a lot of dumb questions.
"So, what's a carb again?"
"Wait, so if fruits have sugar, aren't they bad?"
But eventually, he'll get all the information.
And he will go out of his way to help you.
He'll encourage you through the whole thing.
He'll even write down all your goals and help you keep track of them.
Make sure you write down your goals too, because you won't be able to read his handwriting.
He's so proud of you and he tells you every time you're done with a workout.
And he'll remind you everyday how beautiful you are.
Jeff Johanson
Believe it or not, Jeff is very insecure about himself as well.
He knows he's on the heavier side.
And the scar on his face adds to his lack of confidence.
So when you mention you're feeling self-conscious about your body, he won't tell you to forget those thoughts or tell you how silly you're acting.
He refuses to gloss over your feelings of sadness by simply giving you compliments that won't help.
He'll acknowledge them.
"Love, you are human, and that's normal."
He'll tell you all about his own insecurities and how he has battled with them.
He will then point to every part of your body and tell you why and how much he loves it.
He could spend hours doing this.
It's so sweet and poetic.
He might even start crying because he genuinely means every word he's saying.
But also because the thought of you hurting so badly and hating yourself makes him feel like a failure of a partner.
He wasn't there when you needed him.
He knows he's not in the best of shape, so, if you're really serious about this journey to better yourself, he's going on it with you.
If you're going on a diet, so is he.
He may not know a whole lot about weight loss, so he'll ask people who do.
And he will create a perfect diet and exercise regimen for you both.
And you won't ever feel discouraged.
Even when it feels like you aren't making progress, Jeff will be there to remind you how strong and brave you are.
And how proud he is of you.
If anyone dares make fun of you while you're working out, Jeff will confront them.
"You're making fun of s/o, but they're clearly trying to better themselves. And that's more than I can say about you right now. You should be ashamed of yourself."
And he'll leave it at that.
After, those same people will be cheering you on.
Every milestone you reach he's sure to tell you how impressed he is.
And he'll also tell you how much he loves you every time.
Joey (Legion)
Joey doesn't catch on to things very fast.
You could be eating less or looking at yourself in the mirror more and he won't really think much of it.
It's only one you make a verbal comment on how much you dislike your body does he spring into action.
The first time you said something hateful about yourself his eyes nearly bulged out of his head in shock.
Joey's never really had body image problems.
The mask is just part of his identity, not him hiding himself.
At least, that's what he's forced himself to think.
The more you talk poorly about yourself the harder it is for him to sit still.
So, in order to help boost your confidence, he'll take his mask off in public.
Yes, he does feel uncomfortable without it.
He also needs someone to teach him how to shave better.
But he is proving his point.
If he can be confident with his flaws, then so should you.
If you really want to better yourself, he will help.
He doesn't really think about asking somebody how to formulate a workout that works for you.
To him, you run and you lose weight, right?
That's not how it works.
Eventually someone more knowledgeable will step in and help you two out.
He'll work out with you, cheering you on every step of the way.
Seeing you getting better shape has inspired him to do the same.
It has also inspired the entire Legion to do the same.
So now all of you work out together.
Now that you are feeling more confident in yourself with your body, you can help him find somebody to teach him how to shave properly.
Trapper
Evan is very observant.
He most definitely notices when you stop eating so much or when you look in the mirror more.
But he won't ask you unless he notices something serious.
He figures this is your private business.
And, even though you're in a relationship, you're still entitled to your own private thoughts.
It wasn't until you said something about yourself that he intervened.
He was so angry to hear you say such things that he will pick up whatever he's holding and slam it on the floor.
He isn't angry with you.
He's more upset with himself.
He should have said something sooner when he noticed.
He feels like a failure, that he wasn't there for you and your time of need.
But he will not let you talk about yourself like that.
Anytime you begin to speak that way of yourself he will stop you.
He will then proceed to aggressively compliment you.
It would almost be scary if he wasn't trying to make you feel better.
"You have the most amazing eyes, and I'll kill anyone who says otherwise."
Evan himself is not insecure about how he looks.
He sees the spikes through his body as more of an inconvenience than an insecurity.
And his mask as a tool to scare survivors.
Even so, he remembers a time when they did bother him that way.
And he had to deal with it all by himself.
He isn't going to let you deal with this on your own.
If you want to better yourself he will support you.
As long as you do so in a healthy way he doesn't care how it's done.
He just doesn't want to see you hurt yourself trying.
If you try anything like that he will stop you.
It's just because he loves you so much.
#dbd imagines#dbd ask blog#dbd x reader#dbd killer#dbd survivor#dbd david#dbd jeff#dbd joey#dbd legion#dbd trapper
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hii! so lately i've been stuck on living my dream life like i always wanted this since forever since i was younger. seeing people getting into the void has discouraged me. i want to say that like i'm happy for everyone entering the void but i've been trying for months now and ngl i have been losing hope. that's sad to say coming from me. I have tried many ways but now idk i've been trying to not think about the void i've saturated my mind affirmed did everything i was supposed to. i even took many breaks from the void stopped putting it on the pedestal but i'm losing hope. tmr i have to go to this meeting with my teacher with my parents part of me just doesn't want to go anymore i hate being homeschooled i just wanna go back to regular school. and i just want to live my dream life fr. i have to get my desires before 1pm. i'm starting to feel worse everyday i laid in bed all day. i've been off meds for a year so i've been trying to blame my depression on that but now i'm noticing it's because i don't want to live like this anymore. i'm trying to be happy and persist but living day to day just not living the life i want and seeing everyone have theirs gets kinda depressing after trying for years yk. i have lifting my mood and other shit but i don't know anymore i've just been trying to not say things like maybe i am just not meant for this and maybe it not meant for me because i know it can mess up things for me but trying to be positive while not feeling like it just doesn't make anything better. what should i do? i don't wanna give up now.
sorry for the long paragraph again.
I want you to understand something very important. I need your full and complete attention on what I tell you, alright? Listen closely to what I say.
You are meant for amazing things, and you can absolutely manifest the life of your dreams. You deserve to live a beautiful life, and you can do it. You should never give up on yourself because you are way more powerful than you could ever believe.
You are the operant power of your reality, and you are in absolute control of every single aspect in your own reality. You have the magnificent power to manifest absolutely anything you desire, and you are simply not utilizing it. You keep seeing yourself as the powerless victim when you are the sole cause of your reality. This truth is meant to set you free and empower you.
The reason you are struggling is because you refuse to let go of the victim mentality, and you choose to fixate on the outside circumstances, even though it is all only a reflection of your dominant mindset. You are operating from the victim mentality, and you must understand that you cannot come to the game of conscious manifestation with a victim mindset if you want to be successful.
Your mindset will either be the cause of your glorious successes or frustrating failures.
Conscious manifestation is all a matter of mindset, and you need to realize that. It is important for you to truly understand that you just need to change your mindset, and the external world will bow down at your command. That's how powerful you truly are, but you refuse to accept it. You want to blame the outside world instead, and that kind of attitude is not going to get you your manifestations.
It is pointless to blame the outside world when you are the operant power of it all, and you have the power to change anything you desire in your favor, including achieving the void state. You can be successful, or you can continue to ignore the root cause of your struggles. Wake up from the victim mentality and realize you are infinitely powerful.
You will never have to struggle anymore once you truly accept yourself to be the creator of your reality and embrace who you truly are within. You are the cause of the conditions in your reality, and you need to embrace your power with faith in yourself.
Another thing, success stories should motivate you and excite you because if all these people can manifest their dream life, why couldn't you? You should look at all these success stories with the attitude of, "I can do that too, we have the same power." The only thing holding you back is the state of your mindset. You are the only one holding yourself back from success. Ditch the victim mentality and step into your power.
Lastly, you have not taken the void off of the pedestal because you are still viewing the state of your Godself as something outside of you and out of reach. It is only a state within you. The obsession with the void state needs to stop. It causes more harm than good. If you actually took the void off the pedestal, you would not still be remaining in victim mentality and battling self-doubt in your abilities.
You have the power to change everything in your favor. You can be successful and manifest your wild dreams with or without the void state. You have the power within you, so make it happen for yourself. I know that you can do it. You are powerful.
You don't need the void. You seriously need a change of mindset. You need confidence in yourself and your own abilities. That is what you are truly missing on the inside, and without self-belief and confidence in your abilities, you won't be able to be successful.
You are so much greater and more powerful than you believe yourself to be. This is the issue, don't you understand? I truly believe in you. You just need to believe in yourself. That's what you must understand. The victim mentality will get you nowhere, I promise you.
I highly recommend that you check out my guide on how to create your own subliminals for changing your mindset. It is the answer to your prayers.
Change your conception of yourself, and your outer world will conform to the change within.
"You are God, and your only opponent is yourself." - Neville Goddard
#loassumption#law of assumption#manifestation#manifesting#law of manifestation#neville goddard#void state#the void state
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(I’m sending it again just once in case u didn’t see it before. I won’t send anymore just in case you don’t want to answer 💘)
Do you have any tips for having fun alone out of the house? I’ve been going on walks but because I’ve struggled with agoraphobia in the past I p much always go to the same park instead of trying to find new places close by. I kind of need to know where I’m going so I feel at ease, which maybe kills them whimsy of a walk lol I’ve been thinking of going to watch a movie on my own, which I’ve never done, and maybe visiting public libraries and bookshops I haven’t been to yet. Anyway, only thing I probably wouldn’t do is go out to eat cause I hate eating in public (unless it’s a lil snack, that would be fine), but other than that I’m very open! Thank u angel 💫💗🪸
hi sorry i didn't see this the first time! very proud of ya for getting out there and taking these steps, it's not easy but it's always sooooooo worth it. i cant remember taking a walk/trip i've ever regretted, especially when i'm just hanging on my own. i think the movies, library and bookshops are all wonderful ideas!! you know what i do sometimes, i just look on google maps for things to do in my vicinity and then i plan a short excursion around it, like i super low pressure and low key, i just dip in to check it out. coffee shops, parks, local classes and community centers, museums are a good one, nature trails, shopping centers, you could go and get your hair done, maybe see some local live music. hell even a gym, just to get used to being around people again, and to get out there. i felt so silly when i started doing this at first, like some sort of robot trying to participate in regular human activities, often i still do. and it takes a lot of energy out of me, i can't manage it often tbh. but getting out of my head is so fucking important for my mental health it's insane. moving through the world and seeing that it's much much much muchhh bigger than me and my worries and just being a person and not a pair of eyes sleeping or crying or looking at a screen. it can feel like a lot of pressure, but once you've done it a few times it kinda becomes something to look forward to. and if i'm not in the mood i just tell myself i will stay for 10 minutes and then head home, like i'm always aiming to be super flexible and gentle with myself so i don't get discouraged from trying at all. something else that helps me get out of the house is taking headphones for the walk, and also taking my phone/camera to take pretty pics on my way along. just makes it feel a little easier and more fun because sometimes just leaving the house at all exhausts me. but honestly i have no hang ups on doing things alone and you shouldn't either - time spent with yourself is still time spent with the world etc etc. any effort you make is absolutely going to pay off, sometimes just in a short term way, sometimes in a long term way, and sometimes both! much love, i hope you're able to find a routine that works for you. <3
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More more Stark's Mind notes eps 9-14
Episode 9
“Have you guys ever heard of Felix Freeman?” FELIX MENTION. Talks about him like they were friendly/friends
“Just don't get discouraged by that man's words.” I stg it sounds more like he's telling that to himself than the little survivor group he has
“Just keep going. Whether you have to help someone, or kill someone, there's one clear goal in mind.” Oh 💔
“Just don't let up, Stark. Don't give in.” He's trying to make himself feel better </3
“We would've been out of here if someone had one god damned key.” Key's would help if the locks were on your side of the door
“Just don't mind the neurological stress this whole thing has had on me.” And it's gonna get WORSE from here
“People like them are counting on me. And I swear, I will get through this, I will. I have to. It's my responsibility.” He's putting so much on himself god
Episode 10
“What do they use? Echolocation?” I have no clue about the Black Mesa headcrab models, but the og Headcrab models do actually have eyes! They're on its front pincers(?) and are pretty small
“I wish I knew how to do a pull-up.” Again, twink.
“You can never hate Mr. Whiskers.” CAT PERSON 🐱 (cat-bo💥)
“Sorry, insects and arachnids.” Very important to make that distinction
“I concur.” STUPID FUCKING NERD ASS (/aff)
‘can you access the mail server?’ “That's not helping!” I just found that interaction funny lmao
Episode 11
“So as of right now, when I get to the surface I'll have to deal with being an imposter, PTSD, the deaths of several employees, and an alien invasion. Oh and that whistle blowing thing from back then.” The whistle blowing thing???
“I can already see the headlines. ‘Charming physicist saves entire facility.’” Sir, your ego is showing.
5 grenades used before he gives up on trying to blow the turret up with one. Please learn to conserve your shit I'm begging 💔
Gets shot somewhere by the turret (probably on face? He says he felt it)
“Once I get out… Well, if I get out. Correction.” Give yourself some more credit man </3
Episode 12
“I might be overthinking this whole thing!” About seeing someone from the ‘rescue team’ shoot a scientist
2 ear injuries! Both ears are injured
“Christ my ears…” There's no way he doesn't have some form of hearing damage from all of this
“Somebody should supply the military with a fucking thesaurus.” *cough* Yore dead Freeman *cough*
“I still don't know how I'm doing this!” Fear and adrenaline is one hell of a combo
“I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and somehow… I really shouldn't dwell on that kind of thinking too much. Usually that kind of thinking leads you to your death.” Oh ☹️
Episode 13
“I'm being a bit overdramatic, aren't I?” HAVE YOU SEEN THE SITUATION YOU ARE IN?
“There's also no point fighting scared civilians either!” sir you are way past the point of being a civilian?
“It's kill or be killed.” No actual comment, I just like how he says it
Episode 14
He's… so, so dumb sometimes (presses a random button without knowing what it would do)
“This is how I would envision a railway system set deep underground.” That's… so specific cause what else would that be.
His reaction to the actual tram is so <3 cause it's the only time in this whole series he finds something amusing (which I mean, fair tbh)
“My nose is bleeding because of the sheer amount of rage and frustration that I am going through right now.” Fun fact, stress can actually cause/worsen nosebleeds! So rip man
“I am the embodiment of anger.” I am so sorry but he's so cringe sometimes please shut up (/lovingly)
“See! That's not real- it's real.” I have so many questions. Why does Black Mesa just, have that much toxic waste??
“Until I become suicidal or something.” You… aren't already?
#stark's mind#vincent stark#mindverse#I'm gonna try making my notes 6 eps instead of the 4 I was doing before
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Husk and Alastor arrive back at the hotel at the same time, one in a better mood than the other.
"Did something happen?" Alastor asks Husk, opening the door for the other. The feline grumbles, tail and ears and wings all drooping. "Was the show bad?"
"No, it wasn't bad." Husk snaps, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it onto one of the barstools. He grabs the first bottle of booze he sees and takes a generous swig from it. "It was good. Fucking beautiful."
Alastor tilt's his head curiously, approaching the bar and settling into one of the stools. He snaps his finger to send the discard jacket away; it was too nice to leave on the stools. "You're acting pretty strange for something that you say was beautiful."
Husk glowers at him, taking another swig of his drink and slamming the bottle on the bar roughly. "Can't you mind your own fucking business?"
"Nope!" Alastor perches on his elbows. "Now, why don't you tell me what's the matter?" Alastor already had an idea, but he wanted to hear Husk confirm it.
"Fuck you." Husk snaps, running a hand through his fur and messing up the attempt he had made at making it nice. "You're going to fucking laugh at me, but I'm pissed at myself cause I was too chicken shit to tell her I like her." Husk grabs a glass and some nicer whiskey, pouring it for Alastor without being asked. "Fucking childish bullshit."
Alastor laughs, taking the glass. "Is that all, Husker? It's perfectly normal to be shy!"
"I'm a grown fucking man." Husk hisses. "If I can't even tell her to her face how beautiful her performance was, what the fuck should I expect?" Another drink. "I don't see why you aren't making fun of me. You should be delighted."
"Now, now, Husker, I may be cruel, but matters of the heart deserve some sensitivity."
"You've never given a fuck about something like that in the past."
Alastor sighs. "Oh, you've caught me. Really though, I do sympathize for you. Much as I do enjoy to prod at you, I also enjoy seeing you happy."
"Yeah, so you can tear it down-"
"Husker." Alastor snips. "You tear yourself down far more than I ever could. It's gotten a bit boring, quite frankly. If you really wish to indulge yourself in such an endeavor, I won't discourage you. So long as it doesn't interfere with your duties, you can do whatever you want!"
Husk stares at him, not sure what to think. On one hand, it wasn't like Alastor had actually stepped in to try and prevent him from making connections with people. It just... kinda stopped happening once he had given his soul over. With his Overlord status gone, and being pulled around willy-nilly into whatever bullshit Alastor got up to, he hadn't paid much attention to making connections. He'd focused on coping with being someone's pet.
But Al could very easily step in and fuck things up just because he wants to, or he goes into one of his possessive streaks that tend to have Husk and Niffty all but glued to his sides.
"..." Husk grips the bottle in his hand. "If you're fucking with me, I don't care what the consequences are, I will tear you apart."
Alastor hums. "Oh, I have no doubt you would certainly try!" He downs his own drink, setting the glass down gently. "However, I am completely serious. You've always been good about respecting your contract, no matter how much you hate it. I trust you to continue doing so even if you start reaching out to others again."
"And what if I didn't?" Husk asks. "What if I started wanting to live enough that I would stop dealing with your bullshit?"
Alastor's expression tightens. "Then I would do what I need to make sure you behave. Whether you like it or not, I do consider you a friend. I prefer to keep friends around as long as possible."
Al stands, straightening his coat. "Try to not to overdrink, It would be a shame for you to mess up the rest of your outfit. Have a good night, my friend."
Husk just stares, not responding as Al heads up the stairs to his room.
Maybe, just maybe, he would stop being a coward.
#ic: husk#ic: alastor#dash commentary: a star is reborn#(did not expect to have my muses awake for Character Development after this but uh. oh boy!)
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it really is incredible how our brains can internalize someone's throwaway critique and just shut down any creative endeavours indefinitely. like. they just said something, probably the first thing on their mind (which of course isn't an excuse and is still shitty) and that hurt you so bad you think your art is worthless. obviously it matters who says it and someone who's supposed to support you and give you encouragement making you feel like shit while you're still learning or trying new things is terrible. but then for some reason you try again and it feels right and you realize you really were holding yourself back over shit someone said years ago.
i used to draw a lot. did a lot of arts&crafts. made little gifts for people around me. it was kinda waved off. my little brain took that as rejection, because of course it did. seeing people nonchalant about stuff you put your entire little heart and soul into with what little materials you had available is quick to choke your creative spirit. also once i saw someone put something i made them into a trash-pile, so there's that
later i still drew but i always compared myself to others and started to think of my art as inferior and almost good, but never enough and never good enough. like, it was something, sure, but it was ugly and could have been so much better, but in the way that i should just give up because it's not worth it. so i kinda did that, obviously with other stuff factoring in, and i ended up always hating things i made after a while. there was some stuff i liked but i couldn't admit that, because it wasn't good (enough according to me).
there were people who complimented my stuff, but i though of it as fake kindness, or just trying to make me feel better. my brain told me they said it because they don't know that it really wasn't that complicated to make and that i somehow did it wrong or cheated and they just like the concept or they just aren't artsy people and are easily impressed. which is horrible from both viewpoints. but also my brain is such an asshole.
i love making art, it's exciting, it's freeing, it's incredible to think of something and actually create it and end up liking it, on top of that. it's almost unbelievable for younger me. it's so dramatic, but i just realized that i truly hated my art so i would abandon it and never receive any negative comments in a really fucking twisted way of trying to protect myself. even though those things people said were just ignorant and they didn't even realize that their words hurt me. which is shitty to think about, but oh well. words have weight and i still carry some of that around, even though from the moment i heard them i knew that it wasn't true but still, it hurt so bad that i abandoned something i loved doing, something that was an outlet to avoid hearing things like that again.
i'm starting to get out of my cocoon again and people are so nice and apparently my art can be cool? unheard of. anyways, i'm holding younger me's hand and promising them that i won't let my mean brain discourage me and learn to love my creative process and accept that i won't get everything right the first time and that i have a lot to learn and it's all a journey, but it's art and i love art and i haven't even realized i missed it this much, but i did.
so, conclusion: yeah, maybe my art is shitty sometimes, it's wonky, it's 'imperfect', it's not a carbon copy of my reference image, it has weird imagery or whatever. but it's mine, it's art and no one is ever supposed to make me feel like shit for creating something, especially if they themselves never did art and know crap about it and just don't understand. shut up, get a life and leave me be. it's been years and i remember so little, but those instances stuck and those are such crappy memories to have and it's fucked up that my brain clings to them and makes me remember any time i even think of trying to do art.
#let kids be creative and support them because art is incredible and they deserve to have an outlet or pursue something they enjoy!#don't even get me started on making music. i have a similar rant about that too and i miss it so much#but god forbid someone makes noise while learning an instrument that is not immediately perfect#(they can get fucked especially since they never even played a fucking instrument)
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I posted 1,040 times in 2022
223 posts created (21%)
817 posts reblogged (79%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@catboycrimsonrain
@greenwitching
@yea-baiyi
@agendratum
@sisyphusinabyss
I tagged 947 of my posts in 2022
Only 9% of my posts had no tags
#tgcf - 261 posts
#cql - 119 posts
#hualian - 111 posts
#hua cheng - 104 posts
#art stuff - 99 posts
#xie lian - 83 posts
#meta stuff - 81 posts
#funnies - 59 posts
#tgcf meta - 58 posts
#faves - 55 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#the story of tgcf then is showing xie lian the results of his goodness. hua cheng is the living proof that xie lian’s kindness did something
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
thinking about the rationale behind anti-revenge plots. there’s a universal message about grief in there— the silent understanding that the pain is huge, it is endless and it is hungry, because the hole left in your heart will never be full again. it wants to rage and rage and destroy the thing that caused this pain. it’s painfully human.
the counterpoint is this: revenge will not bring an end to the grief. you will destroy the thing that caused you pain, only to be left with pain still —and yourself, now someone who is capable of destruction. and so you shouldn’t give in. you shouldn’t let yourself be controlled by your grief, only to bring more grief upon yourself. it’s not worth it.
but the best revenge stories take all of the above and answer: the revenge should be done anyway.
it may not be worth the emotional price for the person who suffered the most to carry it out themselves, but great evil should not go unpunished. the grieving person might not be the right person to pull the trigger, but they’ll damn well sleep better knowing that the person responsible is lying cold in the ground. (and an enormous, wondrous act that someone can do for another is to say, “i see you are hurting, i can’t erase your grief, but the least that i can do is to strike down the person who did it. the least i can do is this, because i hate to see you in pain.” because what is love if not feeling their pain as if it’s your own?)
479 notes - Posted March 8, 2022
#4
I’m fine I’m just crying over how Xie Lian makes Hua Cheng laugh
See the full post
631 notes - Posted February 18, 2022
#3
ok but mdzs really is SUCH a novel. it’s a tome of a book, the title is essentially “The First Necromancer”. the prologue is ominous — people celebrating and gossiping in turn about the mysterious death of the world’s greatest villain. and then you are immediately thrown into the POV of this exhausted post-depressed bisexual in the body of a gay twink. who proceeds to poorly fake insanity, control a bunch of corpses, argue with teenagers, and then loudly act as gay and cringe as humanly possible to avoid his problems. and then he gets kidnapped by THEE most respected person in the entire community. for gay reasons. as a BL reader you know what to expect going in but just contextually mdzs is truly SUCH a novel
1,735 notes - Posted March 9, 2022
#2
important to note is that the reason hua cheng enjoying xie lian's awful food and not telling him it's bad works is because he's playing along with xie lian's act. xie lian's KNOWS his food is shitty, he is doing it on purpose, because all of it – the chaotic cooking, the inventive names, the godawful taste – reminds him of his mother and he does not want to talk about it, so he just plays carefully oblivious whenever people try to discourage him from cooking and keeps doing it. lying to your partner if their cooking is awful is bad practice, but hua cheng praising xie lian's cooking (not excessively but just enough to be encouraging) is perfect for them, because it lets xie lian just enjoy this moment of feeling close to his mother without needing to be defensive about it. once AGAIN an example of how tgcf takes unhealthy codependent romance tropes and flips them on it's head to make it the most profound shit ever. height of romance. what in the fuck
2,637 notes - Posted June 11, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
something something infinite glory vs fallen from grace, how tgcf’s whole point is its range. how the whole point is to show extreme contrasts: xie lian floating through the sky as a hero vs lying drunk and filthy at the bottom of a grave pit. shi qingxuan the vibrant privileged god vs the disfigured beggar. pei ming the great warrior vs the easily humiliated coward. hua cheng the too-brave solider boy vs the fearsome ghost king vs the playful and sometimes vicious san lang. it’s still just you.
it’s you when you’re glorious and worshipped and loved and beautiful, it’s you when you’re vulnerable and pathetic and desperate and ugly. it’s you when you are dressed up in finery, it’s you when you are filthy and covered in mud. its you when you’re kind and benevolent, it’s you when you’re petty and angry. it’s you when you are dying for a noble cause, it’s you when you wield a sword for twisted vengeance. it’s all you, in all that it is possible for a human to be. and all that is worth loving. because it is you.
2,726 notes - Posted March 7, 2022
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