#instead of him dying being deemed as failure he just waits for the day he gets to reap his enemy’s soul and? good for him ig | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yandere-daydreams · 5 years

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A commission for the lovely, patient @rockin-renegade, featuring Izuku/Male!Reader, and a little bit of hornieness, towards the end. I may’ve had too much fun, but in my defense, y’all never give me the opportunity to write for riding crops.

Word Count: 4.5k

TW: Torture, Physical Abuse, Mental-Break, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Con, and Oral Sex.

Izuku could barely remember how long he’d been dreaming of this moment.

Sometimes it’d only been a month or two, and on other days, he could swear he’d known you for years, and been in love with you for so much longer than either of your lives could’ve ever spanned. But, he was sure of one thing, as he stared down at the crying, shaking, beautiful sight in front of him.

He knew, for a fact, that he’d never been happier.

You, on the other hand, were sobbing harder than he’d ever seen someone else sob. Izuku couldn’t blame you, really, not when he thought about it. The average civilian wasn’t used to waking up in cold, damp basements, nor did Izuku think you enjoyed being handcuffed to the metal headboard of a cot, a man twice your size leaning over you, one you probably didn’t recognize without his signature mask and suit. It broke his heart, to see how you tried to plead to someone you couldn’t see, the rag around your eyes soaked through and nearly translucent, but Izuku had to stay strong. He knew from the moment he saw you, such a weak little thing, that he would have to be the strong one in this relationship.

Of course, you hadn’t been as accepting of Izuku’s love as he’d hoped, when he first tried to ‘propose’. You’d politely avoided his attempts to get you alone, when he cornered you at your workplace, always having some excuse to busy yourself or a coworker to call you away. When Izuku changed his commute to match yours, you’d simply given the staring man an odd look and moved on, seeming to keep yourself a little farther from him every day. You ignored his gift, burned his love-letters, and on one occasion, yelled at him. He’d been trying to do something nice, trailing after you at a respectful distance as you walked down such a dangerous route, and you had the nerve to yell, threatening to call the police and making him look like some petty villain, rather than the only person keeping you safe. He’d realized you must’ve been scared, confused, that you hadn’t known it was Izuku following you on such a dark night, but…

Fuck, your mumbled words and soft whimpers were like music compared to how your voice had been, that night.

Slowly, Izuku stepped in front of you, smiling despite knowing you couldn’t see him. Right now, you’d be lucky if you could hear his footsteps, with the walls, floor, ceiling, everything in his basement sound-proofed and padded, both for your safety and for his own. Somehow, he was aware of how… strange this might look to someone else, someone who didn’t understand that such an approach was necessary. Your bedroom (your actual bedroom, he wasn’t cruel enough to keep you down here permanently) was the same way. Izuku didn’t want anyone disturbing you, nor did he think the neighbors would appreciate the noises a newly-impassioned couple may, hypothetically, make when left to their own devices.

Regardless, he peeled away your blindfold with a great deal of hesitancy, letting the fabric fall loosely around your neck. Your eyes were already red, blood-shot from crying but as vibrant as ever as you blinked against the new light, taking your time to adjust, but looking around all the same. The pathetic sounds falling from your lips stuttered to a stop as you squinted at the corners of his basement, more confused than you were scared. Izuku didn’t stop you, only smiling when the attention he so craved turned towards him, fighting the urge to wave as you continued to stare. That would be awkard, and Izuku wanted to make this process as seamless as possible.

Instead, his hands stayed at his sides, Izuku almost grabbing for the leather handle hanging from his belt. He stopped himself, just before he could draw attention to it. That was a surprise he didn’t want you to see, not if you hadn’t earned it, yet.

Eventually, though, he was forced to break the silence, taking another step forward, now close enough to touch you. Several things came to mind, when he tried to think of a way to greet you, but cuddles and kisses and confessions should probably wait, at least until you’re in a better position to recuperate. Instead, he attempted to hide the pure excitement racking his nerves, keeping his tone even, calm. Stable, because you needed him to be stable. “Do you know who I am, (Y/n)?”

Your immediate reaction was adverse, lips pursing automatically and feature scrunching up adorably, he couldn’t find a reason to be mad. “You’re… you’re a Hero, right? For the Agency downtown?” He let you think, his smile only growing wider as recognition seemed to spark in your mind. “Deku. You’re Deku.”

He nodded, more enthusiastically than he should’ve. “Yes, Deku!” Thoughtlessly, he moved to hug you, frowning when you only squirmed, leaning towards the wall, trying to get away from him. Again, his hand fell to the leather-wrapped handle hanging at his hip, but he pulled it away before he had the chance to let himself use it. You were scared. He couldn’t blame you for being scared. With a dry swallow, Izuku begrudgingly pulled back. Giving you space you didn’t need, not when you were with him. “Izuku, now. Lovers shouldn’t call each other by their aliases, it’s informal.”

At this, you stiffened, shoulders squaring as the rest of your form went rigid. You stopped crying, but the bewildered shock that crossed over your face wasn’t much better than your tears. “...lovers?”

He couldn’t help but laugh, a deep chuckle falling out before he could stop it. When his fingers wrapped around the handle next, he let them, not resisting the call of the object he’s been dying to use. “Don’t act so surprised, it wouldn’t be appropriate for us to live together if we weren’t lovers. And… we love each other. Lovers do that. They live together, and they love each other. You just haven’t accepted it, yet.” He forced himself to take a deep breath, stopping, thinking, deliberating. He was more collected, when he continued, if only because of how badly he needed to be. “But, that’s why we’re here! I’m going to help you!”

“Help me? What do you mean ‘help me’?” You snapped, straining against the handcuffs. Something switched-on inside of you, an anger Izuku hadn’t expected swiftly boiling to the surface. “Oh my- you’re the fucking creep who’s been stalking me, aren’t you? I thought I made it clear that however you think I feel, you’re wrong. And you’re a Pro-Hero too, isn’t that perfect? I have fucking Deku stalking me, how could things get-”

The words died in your throat with a sharp, loud snap, the sound seeming to catch you off guard more than the sudden pain did. You recoiled a second after the impact, pulling your legs back towards you, curling into the ball you’d just relaxed enough to get yourself out of. You’d been too preoccupied with your outburst to notice it when Izuku unclipped the sleek, black riding-crop from its place on his belt, or its existence at all until Izuku saw fit to use it, striking somewhere without many nerves, aiming for your lower calf. It was a warning, and you knew that.

Which meant you also knew that it could get so, so much worse, if Izuku deemed it necessary to make it worse.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” He explained, as calmly as he was able to. Izuku’d gone through many, many interrogations, and even if this was a little more personal than the average session, it was similar enough to warrant comparison. He would ask questions, and you would answer them correctly, or face the consequences of treating your boyfriend like someone you should try to avoid. “You’re going to stop lying, be honest and tell the truth, and I won’t have to use this, again. Doesn’t that sound easy, sweetheart?”

You were still, for a moment, then shook your head furiously. “What? No, the fuck are you-”

There was another crack, this one to your thigh, forcing you to cringe and draw back, your body now pressed stiffly to the headboard. The first strike had been unprecise, the preparation took to long and Izuku hesitated during the swing, but the second was better, it came more naturally. He let himself fall into your response, too, lingering on the way your features tightened in pain, the way the skin under his swatched darkened and swelled. It hurt, but you deserved it. And you deserved it because you were wrong.

You had to be wrong. If you weren’t wrong, than Izuku was, and…

Izuku couldn’t be wrong.

You scowled, opening your mouth, Izuku holding the crop up as a silent threat. Your expression dropped instantly, a soft whimper escaping from your lips as you sunk into yourself. He didn’t say anything as you fought to keep your composure, a vain effort, as your failure would prove. “You… you can’t keep me here.” When your voice broke and shook, Izuku almost regretted hitting you. Almost. “I… this is illegal. You’re hurting me.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you if I didn’t have to.” His voice was flat, but warm all the same. Izuku didn’t stop himself from sitting, forcing you to move back as he slotted himself into the cot’s empty space, only then realizing how thin your matress really was. Hopefully, he would be able to move you up to your bedroom tonight, but maybe spending a night in such poor conditions would teach you to be more appreciative of what he could give you. “I want to love you,” He paused, cupping your cheek with his free hand, drawing circles in your skin with his thumb. You tried to twist away, and he tightened his grip. “But you’ll have to love me, too.”

But, you didn’t love him. You didn’t even try. Instead, you fought, struggling against your restraints violently, nearly knowing Izuku to the floor as you kicked out blindly, your shoulder making contact with his chest, Izuku grunting as he forced himself to keep from relenting. Reflexively, the hand on your cheek dropped to your neck, finding somewhere thin and squeezing until your mouth fell open, sputtering for air, even as you continued to thrash against him. He was leaning over you by the time he realized he was moving, crouching just high enough to lash at your stomach, not bothering to go through a layer of fabric, this time. He damn-near relished in the way your lips parted, tears beginning to form in the corners of your eyes with every proceeding snap. After five, six, a dozen blows, Izuku forced himself to be the more mature one, pushing you into the mattress as he got up. Still, he gave himself one more primal, hard blow before stopping, this one to your ribs, shirt having ridden up during the struggle. Bruises had already begun to form, spanning from your hip to your chest, much Izuku’s sick, sick satisfaction.

But, you weren’t done. “You’re insane!” You yelled, not bothering to keep your voice down. “What kind of psycho are you? This is crazy!”

He grit his teeth, digging his nails into the leather. “This is love.”

“People don’t whip the person they love! They don’t handcuff their partners to beds after stalking them for months!”

“One more word, one more fucking word-”

To your credit, you didn’t say anything. Instead, you screamed, loud and wordless, obviously trying to attract the attention outside of Izuku's home, someone you thought would help you. Izuku didn’t warn you, either, letting One For All run rampant through his veins as Izuku tore through your handcuffs as easily as a cheap, plastic toy. Silently, he threw you to the cement floor, watching as you tried to scramble to your feet, only to be forced back down with a single foot on your back. It took the blink of an eye to tear off your shirt, and half of that to bring down the crop over and over and over, until your skin was raw, torn, bleeding, welts forming on anything that wasn’t already a bloody, visceral mess.

When you screaming stopped, he didn’t, closing his eyes as the repetitive sounds of skin-on-leather filled the room. Only when you went limp under his foot did he stop, letting his arms drop to his sides as he dug his heel into the base of your spine, grimacing as you writhed weakly. He didn’t know what he’d been hoping for, really. Maybe that you would pass out, letting Izuku restrain you again and start all of this over, or your apologies wouldn’t have to be prompted. But, deep down, he knew you weren’t going to make this easy for him.

You never had before, after all.

With a great, great amount of self-restraint, Izuku forced himself to drop the riding crop, letting it land somewhere next to your head. You made no grab for the weapon, nor did you move in the slightest, only whimpering when he kneeled, looking down on you, running a finger over the torn gashes in your back. Now, you flinched, attempting to curl into yourself before a firm hand closed around your shoulder, stopping any further distractions, things as small as the uneven pants you were taking in beginning to worry Izuku.

“I’ll say this again, now that you’re listening.” He rubbed slow circles in an uninjured patch on your shoulder, wondering if he should tend to you sooner, rather than later. For all the… research he’d done, Izuku hadn’t expected there to be this much bruising. Maybe he’d gone a little too far, after all. “I love you. I want to take care of you. I will, but you have to let me. No more fighting back. Do you understand?”

There was no response. Izuku considers the possibility that you were unconscious, but dismissed it just as easily. Unconscious people don’t cry that much.

“I love you,” He repeats, firmer, this time. He turned you over with one hand, prying you away from your self-made shelter, keeping his hand around your neck to keep you from getting up. “Because I love you, what am I trying to do?

Your eyes were still closed, tears fresh on your cheeks, but you whimpered nonetheless, choking out a response. Your voice was hoarse, probably due to the screaming. He’d have to get you something to drink. “You… you’re trying to take care of me.”

“I want to take care of you, you need me to take care of you.” It was like giving a stray dog a good home, for one example. You were lonely before, miserable, he was sure. He saw you with friends, and he knew you had a family, but he couldn’t find it in himself to believe that you were happy with them. You couldn’t be happy, not if you were away from your soulmate. And Izuku couldn’t be happy if he knew you were out there, alone and putting yourself at risk, away from the person you should be with. “And what do I need you to do, angel? And open your eyes. Look at me, when you answer.”

The hesitation was brief, this time. You opened your eyes first, cringing when you saw Izuku leaning over you, the boy smiling sympathetically, encouragingly. You didn’t relax, but you met his eyes regardless, your hands coming to rest on his. It must’ve been a sign that you were accepting him, finally. You were trying to hold his hand! Why else would you be trying to pull him away from your neck? “I have to let you.”

“By?”

You swallowed, avoiding his eyes. You were so shy, Izuku would have to break you out of your shell, too. “By not fighting back.”

Your posture had changed completely, no longer defensive or assertive, no longer trying to keep him at a distance. There was an uncomfortable shift, the slight movement to take the pressure off the wounds pressed against hard (but sanitary, as he’d made sure of), but you made no meaningful attempt to get away, resigning yourself to submission. It wasn’t what he’d aimed for, he wanted reciprocation, not submission, but he knew how he would start to fix that.

He didn’t rush you, as he helped you sit up, allowing you to take your time and not complaining when you whimpered, failing to take the brunt of the pain you’d forced him to give you. But, Izuku didn’t ask for permission, either, as he slid the remaining rags of your shirt over your head, disregarding the ruined fabric before letting himself rub over your exposed chest, feeling how warm you were, how soft your skin was, compared to his own. Izuku wanted to fall into the moment, to focus on the fact that you were here, that you were in front of him. Just the sight made him excited, eager to feel more, eager to see more.

It made him want to show you just how much he loved you.

But, you had to go and move, to cross your arms and squirm, and successfully pull Izuku out of his trace, bring his attention back to the matter-at-hand. Back to the fact that you didn’t love him, that you were putting-up with his affection, not accepting him. It was all Izuku could to keep from frowning as he leaned forward, kissing the corner of your mouth, comforted slightly by the fact that you didn’t pull away. He was kneeling in front of you, on one knee between your open legs. It was an intimate position, and could be a romantic one, with a little work.

He hoped you saw it that way, too.

“You’re going so well, I’m so proud of you,” He praised, petting through your hair as he stood. He towered above you, this way, pushing you down when you moved to follow him. You were on your knees, eye-level with his thighs, when you stopped. He only continued to comb through your hair, the calm smile never leaving his lips. “You’re doing great, and you must be so tired. I promise, I’ll take you up to your room when we’re done.” He paused, giving you the opportunity to react. You didn’t, and Izuku continued. “I just need to make sure you’ll be more considerate, from now on.”

He should let you go, bring you up to your room and let you sleep, but there was something so satisfying about having you sit still and wait, your gaze never leaving his face as you tried to predict what he would do, what he would do to you, more specifically. You were anxious, and he understood that. This was a big step, and it may have been too soon to take it, in all honesty. But, this was what Izuku wanted. A relationship that worked both ways, something equal, where you repayed all those hours of watching and protecting with something he asked from you. This was good, for both of you. It’d teach you how to behave, and more importantly, show you how relationships were supposed to be, without overstepping his boundaries. This was better than forcing something worse onto you, wasn’t it?

Sure, it would get rid of the problem straining at his jeans, but that was just a bonus.

He holds your head in place with one hand, nearly attacking his belt with the other, careful to just pull his pants and boxers down enough to get a hand on his half-hard cock. Your eyes crossed in an attempt to see it, a grimace now etched into your features as you tried to squirm away, but Izuku only tightened his hold on you, stifling any movements that could’ve interrupted the moment you two were about to have.

It was funny, how you thought anything could get out out of this.

“It won’t be bad, you’ll make me so happy,” He reassured, his free hand closing around his length, slowly pumping up, just enough to feel something more than a teasing sample of pleasure. It didn’t take him long at all to fill-out, not with such a lovely sight in front of him. Meanwhile, his grip drifted down to your jaw, tugging at the corner of your mouth until you were forced to accommodate him, his thumb slipping in and prodding anything it could reach, Izuku fighting the urge to moan at just the thought of being inside of somewhere that warm and soft and incredible. Unconsciously, your tongue pressed against his thumb, swirling around the finger, and Izuku could hardly keep from cumming in his hand.

He couldn’t wait any longer, he just couldn’t. With a strong jerk to your hair, your mouth opened, any scream or sound you’d been planning to let out suddenly muffled by the cock being shoved through your lips. Izuku stopped abruptly, hardly remembering to pull his hand away before dragging you closer, your form falling against his legs as you lost balance, subsequently gagging, choking around him, your throat tightening and fluttering as you struggled to swallow around something you were thoroughly unprepared to take. Izuku wasn’t new to this kind of thing, not by any means. He’d had blowjobs before, drunk experiences with friends that weren’t spoken about the next morning and awkward interactions with fans, desperate to show their gratitude between floors on elevators and in cramped bathroom stalls, but those felt foreign, unpleasant, compared to this, if only because it was you.

(Y/n), his (Y/n). His lover, his boyfriend, his soulmate, someone who would only ever do this for him. Because you loved him, because you only loved him. Because you wouldn’t even think of ever loving another person like you loved Izuku, not again.

With a blissful shudder, he pulled out, his concentration switching to the head, grazing it against your teeth for a more primal source of stimulation and rubbing it against your tongue, before plunging back in, keeping his thrusts short but fast, determined to keep his cock inside of you for as long as possible at any given time. He could hardly hear the words falling from his own mouth, an incomprehensible mix of murmurs and moans, each sound blending with the next. “Good boy, good boy,” He panted, if only out of habit, countless scenarios he’d already ‘planned out’ playing through his mind much faster than they should’ve. “I love you so much, you’re perfect. I should’ve done this so much sooner.” He grinned, dragging you closer to him, his smile never faltering as you pounded and clawed at his covered thighs. “I’m gonna keep you all to myself.”

In the end, Izuku didn’t get the chance to enjoy it for very long. One For All was an odd quirk, like that, making most of his boy so strong, so resistant, but incredibly sensitive, at the same time. Every nerve was inter-connected, sending a thousand signals to the rest of his body at any given second, and right now, each one of those synapses was completely focused on the feeling of your warm, wet mouth taking in his cock, your tongue rubbing against the part of his body most willing to accept anything you had to give him. All it took was a glance towards your face, cheeks blistered, red eyes puffy from crying and spit beginning to soak your lips, to finish Izuku off.

He raked through your hair as he climaxed, the sensation like a weight being lifted off his shoulder, like a fresh of breath air, more relieving than it was ‘orgasmic’. Staying as deep inside of you as he can, his fingers clamping down on your scalp as you jump, making one last effort to get away as cum hit the roof of your mouth. Izuku didn’t let you, fighting off the over-sensitivity that came with remaining inside of you, refusing to pull-out as you refused to swallow.

You were always the stubborn one, weren’t you? What else had he expected?

He sighed wistfully, detangling the knots he’d been responsible for forming, but never shifting. Your panic was quickly turning into resistance, but Izuku remained undeterred, remaining hopeful as you started to tremble. “You’re alright, everything’ll be fine,” He told you, his eyes moving up towards the staircase, to the basement door. “I just need you to swallow. Then I’ll let you go.”

You didn’t, only forcing out gargled, coughing noises Izuku didn’t recognize.

He smiled a little wider.

“Swallow, baby,” He repeated, his tone nothing short of sickeningly sweet. “I’m not bluffing. It takes a lot of patience to be a hero, you know. I’ll keep you here until you swallow it.”

And, with a strangled sob, you did, your lips only closing for a second after he retreated before you cringed, your mouth remaining open as you practically punched at your cheeks, wiping away your tears as furiously as possible. You were crumpled, half-naked and collapsing onto yourself, but Izuku couldn’t find it in himself to feel anything but overjoyed at the sight of his lovely little partner.

He whispered quiet ‘I love you’s and ‘I’ll make you feel good next time’s as he gathered you up in his arms, cradling you against his chest despite how much you clearly didn’t want to be held. You were handled softly, your back always pressed against something smooth and clean, but he could still hear you cursing him out under your breath, even as he littered kisses and pecks across anything he could reach. This wasn’t ideal, but it was a start. You wanted him to hear you, but you knew what would happen if he took you too seriously.

Your face was buried in his shirt by the time he made it to your room, right next to his, as it should be. You two would share a room eventually, but that could wait until you weren’t in such an unstable state. He was happy that you didn’t scream when the velvet-lined, snug shackle closed around your ankle, any more spats seeming annoying, compared to how roughly his confession had gone. He’d put a lot of effort into your room, and he was glad you appreciated that.

You did appreciate everything he did for you, right?

If how tightly you clung to your comforter was anything to go off of, you must’ve.

Izuku knelt next to you, taking a minute to be by your side before he decided to leave. You were beautiful, disheveled and messy and stunning, in his care and finally getting used to it, now that you’ve gone through your first (and hopefully only) punishment. He kissed your shoulder lightly, lingering just long enough to admire his precious boyfriend.

Everything would be perfect, now.

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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i obviously did not think this through

So the other day I thought it would be fun to make up my own Essential Rewatch List leading up to 15.01, and boy howdy was I ever wrong! This post is the result of that. Instead of a conveniently streamlined list of important episodes for meta and character development highlights, instead have this 15k word probably-useless behemoth...

I debated not even posting this on tumblr because it’s just so massive. But heck this was a lot of work so here it is.

For reference purposes, I refer a lot to my rewatch notes, but mostly in later seasons. If you’d rather just go to the beginning of my tag for the most recent rewatch, 1.01 is the last post on this page, and then you can just continue chronologically from there:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/s14+hellatus+rewatch/chrono/page/3

If you want to read more about a specific episode, every singe episode is filed on my blog with the episode tag. For example, all posts about 1.01 are tagged like this:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-1.01

To find a different episode, just plug in the correct episode number and voila.

If you’d prefer to skip an episode but don’t fully recall it and just want a quick refresher, every episode is linked on this page of the superwiki. Those links will serve you up a tidy synopsis as well as link you to the transcripts for every episode (linked at the bottom of each episode page):

http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/Category:Episodes

I started out making reasonable, logical entries for every episode, and then... kinda went off the rails toward the end... apologies for how chaotic this might read. Most of it was typed off the top of my head, and I haven’t edited it so apologies for any errors. Under a cut because FIFTEEN. THOUSAND. WORDS.

Good luck.

1.01 Pilot Obviously this episode sets up everything that comes after, and gives us a platform from which to understand exactly how the show’s mythology will eventually evolve. It also establishes a baseline for understanding Sam and Dean and their personal character evolutions and family dynamics. Probably essential viewing in any rewatch...

1.02 Wendigo Like so many early episodes, we learn more about Dean and Sam, and the missing father they’re searching for. And here we get “Saving people, hunting things, the family business” that becomes the motto of the Winchesters.

1.03 Dead in the Water

Sam is shocked to learn that Dean’s good with kids, and how Dean was traumatized as a 4-year-old. Like, dude, he practically raised you, Sam… makes sense he’s good with kids...

1.04 Phantom Traveler Specky the Wonderdemon, who was terrifyingly beyond their pay grade at the time. Kinda hilarious in retrospect… (also first use of Dean’s homemade EMF meter)

1.05 Bloody Mary Aah, Sam is keeping secrets from Dean (about his psychic powers and that he’d foreseen Jess’s death), and we learn ghosts can be attached to items that must be destroyed to banish the ghost.

1.06 Skin ooh Dean, take off that shirt yes… no… wait… stop… you can stop with the shirt you don’t… no please put your skin back on… (no, seriously, we learn A LOT about Dean from the shapeshifter, and so does Sam… There’s a heck of a lot Dean keeps buried. Also a reminder that shifter episodes tend to involve these sorts of buried secret things for Dean. Also Dean’s first “legal death” even if not actual death)

1.07 Hook Man Another ghost attached to an object, Sam’s first flirtation with anyone after Jess’s death, and Dean’s proficiency and innovation in hunting techniques continues to surprise Sam-- with the first use of salt shells for a shotgun.

1.08 Bugs Oh look more first season talking of their different experiences and memories of childhood and especially their very different relationships with John. If you can ignore the bug-related portions of the episode. Also I think still the only time in canon Sam and Dean have used umbrellas.

1.09 Home

Well if you absolutely need an in-depth exploration of the Winchester Family Dynamic as it stood in s1, this is a good baseline episode. Mary’s guilt expressed by her ghost in the house where she died, more exploration of Sam’s psychic powers, and we first see John on screen in the “present day.” Sam also learns it was Dean who carried him out of the house when he was a baby, and uses the exact same line John told Dean in this episode (take your brother outside as fast as you can and don’t look back)

1.10 Asylum So much of s1 was Dean getting orders from John and… following them. We get an interesting glimpse inside Sam’s head (having heard some of Dean’s dark secrets in 1.06) and via ghost interference Sam says some pretty bitter things to Dean (and would’ve shot him if Dean had been dumb enough to hand him a loaded gun. lucky Dean’s smarter than that). But now we have their baseline issues laid out on the table for us.

1.11 Scarecrow Sam is sick of taking orders from John and decides to go find John on his own rather than following another order. He meets Meg hitchhiking, and she tries to lure him in. Luckily Sam realizes Dean is in trouble and goes back to save him. They decide to stick together again. Of course.

1.12 Faith Here we go… the first moment the show realized it had the potential to be something bigger than a MotW horror/fantasy road trip. Dean’s first brush with capital-D Death (in this case, a reaper). The first time in canon anyone suggests that Dean was “chosen by the Lord” for a greater purpose.

1.13 Route 666 Racist Ghost Truck. But also the first time we learn an important difference between Dean and Sam. Sam hid everything about his life from Jess (a woman he was planning to propose to), but Dean fell in love with Cassie over a matter of weeks and told the whole truth to… and she dumped him for it because she thought he was lying to her. That heartbreak goes a long way toward the cavalier attitude Dean puts on toward relationships in general in the early seasons. Tell them the truth and they’ll leave you for it, but he won’t live the lie that Sam was perfectly happy to...

1.14 Nightmare Aah, more of Sam’s powers (darkest timeline edition with Max), and Sam credits John for being a better father… until he sees Dean’s reaction to that comment… and we get that Dean stood between Sam and John’s… lack of parenting skills >.>

1.15 The Benders “Plain old people are often worse than monsters”

1.16 Shadow The return of Meg, who is Up To No Good messing around with scarier demons than good old Specky was. We finally have John in the picture, but he deems it too dangerous for them to stick together, blaming their vulnerability on their care for each other, and just PFFFFFFT how often has the show kicked this notion to the curb? Give it a few more episodes… Sam also expresses his desire to finally get their revenge so he can leave hunting for good and go back to his “normal life.” Dean is crushed and upset by this revelation.

1.17 Hell House Aah, the prank war :’), and the idiot ghostfacers :’). It’s a tulpa.

1.18 Something Wicked Well if you need your heart ripped out with Dean Feels, you’re in the right place. Sam learns even more about Dean’s struggles as a kid under John’s orders, and what “failure” to obey meant to Dean-- that it once almost cost Sam his life. Sam gets a better idea of the burden of guilt and the weight of responsibility that Dean has carried for far, far too long. And Dean gets a bit of closure, finally killing the shtriga.

1.19 Provenance Sam gets to unburden himself a bit from Jess’s death and make a real connection with a wonderful woman who gets a real peek into the reality of their lives and the supernatural. Still, he walks away, and completely loses touch with her for like… 7 years...

1.20 Dead Man's Blood Sam and Dean are sick of blindly following orders, and sick of wild goose chases. And they demand answers from John. We learn about vampires for the first time, and are finally introduced to The Colt, which will take on so much significance over the seasons that it’s RIDICULOUS. A weapon Mary heard bedtime stories about as a child, now become real to be used to get their revenge on the demon who killed her? Which will resurface again and again to either become their hope or destroy their hope… so much baggage attached to a single gun.

1.21 Salvation So much plotting, but the demons get their way and get the Winchesters separated and set up. Sam fails to shoot the demon with the Colt and John is captured.

1.22 Devil's Trap As the title suggests, this is where we learn about the Devil’s Trap. And see the “single step” exorcism performed (not the two-step Specky exorcism from 1.04). Dean rejects John’s orders and “wastes” a bullet from the Colt to save Sam’s life. But it’s still all a trap, because the demon is possessing John. Dean realizes it when John is NOT FURIOUS that he “wasted” that bullet. It nearly kills Dean, and Sam refuses to kill John in order to kill the demon. The demon escapes, the Winchesters have one bullet left in the Colt, and then they’re run over by a demon-possessed semi trucker.

2.01 In My Time of Dying Dean’s second brush with Death (again, reapers). He learns a lot while mostly dead that unfortunately he won’t remember for a long time (until 4.15, to be precise) about reapers and their powers (manipulating reality, etc.). Sam is desperate to save Dean, and John trades his life (and the Colt) to the Demon for Dean’s life, lays one HELL of a burden on Dean-- either save Sam, or you’ll have to kill him. No further details, just that horrific fact which Dean will try to shield Sam from as long as he can, which will (as per usual) probably only make things worse when they eventually come out. Dying wishes on this show SUCK DONKEYS. Remember that when we get to 5.22...

2.02 Everybody Loves a Clown Spoiler alert: nobody actually loves a clown, especially not Sam. But heck Dean driving the soccer mom minivan is priceless. And we’re introduced to Ellen, Jo, and Ash at the Roadhouse. Sam and Dean are like… whoa there are actual hunter gathering places? And begin to uncover just how sheltered and weird their lives have been, even for hunters.

2.03 Bloodlust like 1.15, “sometimes people are the worst monsters,” with a generous side helping of “sometimes monsters aren’t actually monsters.” Dean gets to question a lot of what he was taught his whole life by John, via the proxy of Gordon Walker and his hate-on for vampires. But Dean realizes there’s a limit to killing everything not-human… the beginning of the era of “killing what deserves to be killed and not just anyone will do”

2.04 Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things Zombie. Considering Jack’s longtime fascination with zombies, and how 14.20 ended… possibly relevant thematically on several levels… Girl resurrected by a dude for love (she didn’t love him in life… but was basically a “soulless person” as a zombie, as we will come to understand in later seasons). It’s a terrible idea to try and bring back the dead… >.> But this is all wrapped up in grief and how Sam and Dean each deal with grief in their own ways, and how they don’t really understand how the other is processing John’s death. In the MotW language of the show, zombies are about grief for the past and an inability to express it or move past it. They’re just emotional baggage (like shapeshifter eps reveal hidden truths and vampires are about revenge)

2.05 Simon Said More special children affected by the demon exhibit psychic powers… Sam is unsettled by the mind control, but unlike Dean he’s immune to it… He’s scared he’s gonna turn “evil” (and this is the first hint he gets that Dean might feel the same, based on the horrific dying promise John extracted from him that we still haven’t heard, and which we’re reminded is clearly weighing on Dean anyway)

2.06 No Exit Aah, Jo. They hunt the ghost of HH Holmes with her and learn some terrible things about their father’s history-- that he probably played a part in Jo’s father’s death. We also learn Dean sleeps real funny in chairs...ow it just looks so dang painful :’D (but they do comeuppance real well on the ghost…)

2.07 The Usual Suspects I love this just for the structure of the episode, showing us Hunting with Sam and Dean 101-- how to avoid arrest and imprisonment edition. This just gives us so much insight into how well they work together as a team, and the degree to which they’ve developed code words and references and how they are able to craft seamless backstories in the event a hunt goes south. It’s just… delightful.

2.08 Crossroad Blues The introduction of Crossroads Demons. And the first confirmation to Dean that John did indeed sell his soul for Dean’s life. Uncomfy revelation. The demon offers Dean a deal… his father resurrected and ten years to enjoy his company before Dean’s soul would end up in Hell instead. Dean declines. But their arsenal of weapons against demons (and the newly-introduced Hellhounds) grows to include goofer dust.

2.09 Croatoan Aah, a terrible time was had by all… the demons are scheming, creating demonic viruses and testing Sam’s immunity to them. But of course Dean and Sam don’t know that… Dean’s comment as they leave town: “I'm already starting to feel like this is the one that got away.” And ends on a cliffhanger of Dean about to tell Sam what John told him in 2.01.

2.10 Hunted Sam is enraged Dean would keep that from him, and wants to seek out more Special Children to learn what they can, but Dean wants to hide out and bide their time for safety’s sake. And maybe it’s just because I was in my 30’s when I first watched this show, but Sam pulls what I still think of as one of his signature childish moves and runs away in the night. But down that path lies revenge against the demon, so of course Sam runs into vampire-adjacent Gordon Walker. We learn more about how the Winchesters work together, the secret code word “funkytown,” and that sometimes they actually get the authorities to work in their favor. They’re good at manipulating the system...

2.11 Playthings Ghosts, Hoodoo that wasn’t to cause harm, but to protect against the ghost. Sam gets spectacularly drunk and makes Dean promise to actually kill him if he goes bad. Yikes. We also have the “why does everybody think we’re gay,” and Sam’s reply of “you’re kinda trying too hard to be butch” that Dean… doesn’t have a response to. Sam gets to SAVE somebody (he puts a gold star in his book as proof he’s not turning evil yet)

2.12 Nightshifter This is one I recommend actually watching… another shapeshifter (not a mandroid), so uncomfortable truths time. Sam lies thinking he’s protecting someone from danger, but it just drives Ron into even WORSE danger (and gets him killed). Everything about this hunt goes sideways, except they do actually kill the shifter, but now they’ve got the FBI on their tails. This is Winchesters Scrambling In A Tight Spot nirvana.

2.13 Houses of the Holy The first hint that the show… could possibly someday include angels, but they’re still on the BS list by the end of this episode. We learn more about Sam’s belief in God, Dean’s utter disdain for the idea of God, and the fact that Mary had believed in angels. Dean witnesses something he can’t explain, and Sam points in Dean’s direction when asking, “That’s Michael, right?”

2.14 Born Under a Bad Sign From holy to Hell… Sam is possessed by Meg, who leads Dean on a wild goose chase and does some pretty horrific stuff with Sam’s body. >.> They learn about the antipossession charms from Bobby (and probably get the tattoos shortly after this). Dean still refuses to kill Sam even when he begs (though we learn it was Meg testing or goading all of them).

2.15 Tall Tales We’re introduced to the Trickster (who’s even tricking them about his actual identity). Sam and Dean are completely bamboozled until Bobby shows up and points them to what’s really going on. There’s a lot of fun stuff about Sam and Dean’s relationship and how they see themselves and each other in here, though. And of course we know who the trickster actually is, which makes this all so much more interesting in retrospect… bit of comeuppance and lessons learned.

2.16 Roadkill An interesting take on a ghost MotW episode, where one of the ghosts doesn’t realize she’s dead, and how Sam and Dean work with her to save them all.

2.17 Heart Sam’s first actual sort-of-relationship with a woman. Who happens to be a werewolf… oops. There’s a lot of Sam Pain in this one, and Dean feeling like he’s failed in protecting Sam, yet again. But we are introduced to werewolves, which take on the monster meta shorthand of exposing or understanding their own inner monstrousness.

2.18 Hollywood Babylon And it’s Dean’s turn to have a little fling, where their concept of a “vacation” is “deal with mysterious haunting and death on a movie set.” And like in 1.12, this all comes about because some dingdong thinks he can do whatever he want. ALSO! The true monster of the week here… IS A WRITER. A writer who is furious that his story was trashed, and produced into something unrecognizable as his actual writing. I think this one might be HIGHLY relevant to 14.20, just for that. For the deadly tantrum of a writer who didn’t get his way. (plus the brilliance of Dean going from complete noob to the best PA in the history of Hollywood in like… a day… he’s just that good :’D)

2.19 Folsom Prison Blues In doing a favor for their father’s marine corps buddy (so the ghost of John hangs all over this one), they deliberately get themselves arrested and put in jail. Dean fits in there just as well as he did as a PA. He’s… really just that good at acting. Now I have Green Onions stuck in my head and I want a milkshake. And a donut.

2.20 What Is and What Should Never Be DJINN. aka the monster meta signal of deep personal introspection. What we learn about Dean in this episode is just heartbreaking. What he would wish for (Mary alive, Sam happily at Stanford Law School engaged to Jess) and the consequences he’s willing to endure for that to be a reality (his own life’s work negated, where everyone assumes he’s a drunk and a thief and a loser).

2.21 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part One Dean just wanted pie. Instead Sam gets taken by demons. We finally find out what the demon wanted with him (sort of). Sam plays in the Demon Hunger Games, and loses at the last moment… (Dean gets to feel what it’s like to have a psychic vision, and hates it)

2.22 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part Two Dean sells his soul to resurrect Sam for the bargain price of one year before he’ll be dragged to Hell. Well learn about Samuel Colt’s Hellgate, which can ironically be unlocked with the Magic Kill Anything Gun (the Colt). In retrospect, this was just the beginning of the larger narrative arc of the Apocalypse, where Azazel released Lilith (along with a lot of other demons) to get that party started now that they had their hooks in Dean’s soul, but hey, at least Azazel won’t live to see it all happen (Dean finally shoots him with that last Colt bullet, rendering the gun useless but at least it did what they needed it to, with an assist from John’s ghost).

3.01 The Magnificent Seven The Seven Deadly Sins, the introduction of Ruby and her Magical Demon Killing Knife. Dean tells Sam he can’t be saved because if he breaks his deal, Sam would die.

3.02 The Kids Are Alright We meet Lisa (who Dean had a fling with years earlier) on Dean’s “relive his greatest hits before he goes to Hell denial roadtrip.” And Dean thinks he has a son for a hot minute (he does not, but he likes the kid anyway). Weirdness with them will ensue until they finally get to move on with their lives in s6. >.> But we’re introduced to our first fairie-adjacent creatures: Changelings. And Sam learns Ruby is actually a demon...

3.03 Bad Day at Black Rock Sam lost his shoe. We learn about curse boxes, Sam and Dean learn that John kept a secret storage unit full of weird and possibly dangerous stuff. But also some relics from their childhood-- Sam’s soccer trophy, Dean’s first sawed-off shotgun. And if that isn’t shorthand for the fact they had very different childhoods, I don’t know what is. Anyway, we meet Bela, and are entertained by good luck going bad… kinda the theme of s3?

3.04 Sin City more demons, we learn more about bigger plans they had for Sam, and Dean comes THIS CLOSE to actually considering letting a demon go… but Ruby helped Bobby make the Colt work again, and Sam kills both demons.

3.05 Bedtime Stories A pseudo-ghost of a girl trapped in a coma acts out fairy tales as a cry for help. Dean doesn’t want to kiss a frog. The pie is poisoned and Dean has to fight the big bad wolf… I swear that all makes perfect meta sense.

3.06 Red Sky at Morning Bela again. And like the ghost they’re hunting, we learn she got her revenge against a family member. The first use of the name “Castiel” in the spell to summon the ghost’s brother’s ghost so they could splish-splosh each other out of existence. That’s… all you really need to know.

3.07 Fresh Blood Gordon Walker, vampires, and vengeance. Taken to an extreme. Dean basically throws himself into danger because what does he have to lose if he’s already destined for Hell? But he’s beginning to crack, and Sam’s getting pretty desperate to get Dean to admit he’s scared and do something to save himself. Gordon’s desire for revenge gets him captured by a vamp and turned… and Sam ends up beheading him with razor wire. Yikes… so much for that revenge, eh?

3.08 A Very Supernatural Christmas Yuletide fun and eggnog. Pagan gods they end up killing with a Christmas tree. But they do reach a personal emotional plateau with Dean’s whole “half a year to live” clock ticking down.

3.09 Malleus Maleficarum Witches. Ruby. And a demon who knows Ruby leading a coven of suburban housewives who believe they’re just doing something harmless and not slowly selling their souls to said demon. Ruby saves Dean’s life, earning his reluctant gratitude for the time being, but not exactly his trust. This is the first we learn of Lilith, the demon apparently leading all the rest of them. Dean also learns that demons are just human souls that have been tortured in hell, and that’s what awaits him after he dies.

3.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me VERY IMPORTANT EPISODE. African Dream Root, which mimics the sort of djinn-dream experience. Dean has to literally confront his demon self. For the first time he admits he didn’t deserve any of this, any of what John put him through. And he admits to Sam that he is scared of going to Hell. Oh, and Bela steals the Colt, aka the only weapon they have against Lilith.

3.11 Mystery Spot If 3.10 was about Dean’s internal trauma, 3.11 is about Sam’s. The trickster puts him through a time loop forcing him to relive endless Tuesdays, and Dean dies each time and he wakes up again. The power to do this is just… insane. Just when they think they’re out, Dean apparently dies “for real,” and it drives Sam on a six month long rather terrifying revenge mission. Only to finally come face to face with the trickster again after having proven the horrific lengths he’s willing to go to in order to save Dean. Also a very, very important episode. Trapped eternally in someone else’s looping story and forced to act it all out endlessly? Yeah. That’s not 14.20 at all >.>

3.12 Jus in Bello very nearly the series finale. They work with Ruby after FBI agent Henriksen discovers they weren’t lying about the supernatural and they exorcise him from demon possession. Dean gives him The Talk about what’s real, and refuses to sacrifice someone to perform Ruby’s spell that would supposedly save them all and kill all the demons. Everyone lives… for a little while, at least. At least Sam and Dean are marked among the dead, so they won’t have to worry about law enforcement chasing them for a while, but Ruby holds this over them (in addition to losing the Colt, if they’d just listened to her everyone would still be alive… in theory… she’s really good at this manipulation thing!)

3.13 Ghostfacers And interesting perspective to see what Sam and Dean would look like uncensored and unbound from the traditional episode format, and through the eyes of other people.

3.14 Long-Distance Call Crocotta. Dean is lured in by John’s voice over the phone, believing it might be a ghost situation, and that John may have a way to save him from Hell. It’s all just a trap that leaves Dean feeling even more hopeless, knowing he can’t expect John (or anyone else) to save him from this.

3.15 Time Is on My Side Sam gets desperate, and we have another mention of zombies… which if you’ll recall, signals grief and desperation and an inability to let go of the past. Which kinda defines Sam’s state right now. Dean tracks down Bela to retrieve the Colt (but it’s long gone, and Bela’s about to be dragged off by hellhounds herself). Sam tracks down Doc Benton hoping to get him to share his secret for immortality as a last desperate attempt to save Dean. But Dean doesn’t want to live like that, killing other people for their organs as his would wear out, just to keep himself out of Hell. And honestly good for him because ugh.

3.16 No Rest for the Wicked Dean’s seeing through the veil, able to see demons’ true faces, and the hellhounds that are on their way. They steal Ruby’s knife and go after Lilith, and fail completely. Dean’s dragged to Hell, and Sam’s immune to Lilith’s powers.

4.01 Lazarus Rising CAS GRIPPED DEAN TIGHT AND RAISED HIM FROM PERDITION. Honestly if you don’t know the meta import of this episode, this list ain’t gonna help you.

4.02 Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester We really learn about the Apocalypse, the seals breaking that will eventually free Lucifer. Supposedly the angels want to stop them from breaking… and Dean and Cas have their first real conversation about all of this. And this is the episode my tag for God comes from, “If you say mysterious ways, so help me I will kick your ass.” Dean’s already set himself up with Cas to defy God.

4.03 In the Beginning Angels can send you back in time! Dean sees Mary and John’s relationship, the death of Mary’s parents, and the fact Dean talked John into buying the Impala AND now feels responsible for having lured Azazel to Mary in the first place… he witnesses the deal she makes to bring John back that would effectively shape the entire narrative on both sides of this episode. The things we do for love… Cas told Dean to stop it, and in the end tells him he never could’ve stopped any of it. It is what it is. It’s the first instance of Dean getting this glimpse at the bigger picture, and taking away his OWN lesson from it rather than the one he was supposed to learn…

4.04 Metamorphosis Dean finds out about Sam working with Ruby to exorcise demons with his psychic powers. And the inevitability of falling victim to those psychic powers plays out in the MotW, the rougarou who gives into his hunger. Sam promises to give up using his powers lest that happen to him.

4.05 Monster Movie A straightforward, black and white case. A shapeshifter (so buried truths), but this one becomes Hollywood movie monsters trying to give the monsters a happy ending… essentially trying to rewrite his own story. Sound familiar? Dean gets the girl, at least. I love this episode.

4.06 Yellow Fever Dean vs his own fear, compounded by the fear of a ghost who infects him with ghost sickness, inflicting his own suffering on Dean. This was Dabb’s first episode, and as such, is definitely worth watching for the themes, and what Dean is truly afraid of-- i.e. of going back to Hell and being tortured by Lilith, of Sam being a yellow-eyed demon. The rest is just awkwardly fun watching Dean squirm.

4.07 It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester Sam breaks his promise not to use his powers when Samhain rises. We meet another angel- Uriel- who isn’t as fond of humanity as Cas. Sam meets Cas, too. But this is truly the episode where Cas begins to differentiate himself and show his doubts in Heaven’s orders. He warns Dean that bigger tests are coming, but he doesn’t know what they will be yet. This is still the true foundation stone of Cas’s entire personal character arc for the entire series, when he went from maybe-three-episodes-then-dead interesting side character to 11-years-and-counting truly a Winchester.

4.08 Wishful Thinking I love this episode… you can’t just wish for what you want without consequences. This was like primer-level Cosmic Consequences stuff.

4.09 I Know What You Did Last Summer Dean learns what Sam was up to while he was in Hell being tortured by Alastair (conveniently the antagonist in this episode), why he trusts Ruby now, and voluntarily works with Ruby to save Anna-- a woman who hears angels talking. This is effectively continued in:

4.10 Heaven and Hell Where Anna remembers that she’d been an angel who fell from Heaven by choice, removing her grace to experience life as a human. Which… is kinda important a concept to know exists… >.> Heaven (and Cas) judge her harshly for that choice, and yet… there’s just too much just go read my rewatch notes from this episode at the very least.

4.11 Family Remains They think it’s a ghost but it’s not a ghost. All you need to know is this is the episode they wrote on a dare to see if they could write an episode that the network would refuse to air ever again. They were actively trying to write the worst possible episode they could imagine, and this is the result.

4.12 Criss Angel Is a Douchebag

Sam had a thing for stage magic as a kid, but now he runs around with a demon. The concept of “will we be in this life until we die or it kills us” and “what would life even look like to us if we were actually to grow old” is batted around for possibly the first time.

4.13 After School Special

From contemplating retirement to flashbacks to high school. Another look at Sam and Dean and who they are as people, and how their very different childhoods shaped them into who they are now.

4.14 Sex and Violence Dean’s Siren was a dude. (oh, and the director of this episode? whose last episode was 6.15? is directing 15.03, so maybe worth a peek...)

4.15 Death Takes a Holiday Dean vs Death again. The return of Tessa the reaper from 2.01, and Dean finally remembers. They save Tessa, save a seal, and capture Alastair, but discover they’ve been manipulated into doing it by Cas/Heaven. Heaven loves its manipulations… Pamela the psychic warns Sam that what he’s doing, despite his intentions, is not good. He ignores that advice. At the very least read my rewatch notes for this one. >.>

4.16 On the Head of a Pin There is absolutely too much going on in this episode to sum up in this post. Read my rewatch notes, read the superwiki, watch the episode. This one is huge, for Dean and for Cas.

4.17 It's a Terrible Life Heaven’s Grand Manipulator, Zachariah. Or he thinks he’s pretty grand… he’s really not all that good at his job

4.18 The Monster at the End of This Book CHUCK. The inevitability of destiny, or at least his attempt to write that version. In this episode, all of Chuck’s plans go according to plan… until Dean drags him back into the story and forces a different ending. (and we learn Sam’s demon blood drinking is so distasteful to Chuck he didn’t even include it in his books) Remind you of anything? Like, oh, 4.22, or 5.22, or 11.23, or 14.20? Yes, this episode is the key to everything.

4.19 Jump the Shark Since Adam will reportedly be back in s15, watch this one and understand Dabb’s exact intention in creating the character in the first place-- literally as a decoy who never existed with any narrative weight of his own, as a ghoul (a creature that feeds on the dead and takes their shape). I wrote about this one recently, so I won’t waste space repeating myself here.

4.20 The Rapture CAAAAAAAASSSSSS. He gets dragged back to heaven for disobedience, and is tortured back into obedience. Obviously this one is huge for Cas as a character, and for Dean’s relationship with him. But they both learn about why Sam’s powers were getting stronger, and are not pleased...

4.21 When the Levee Breaks Sam’s detoxing from demon blood until Cas lets him escape. Cas rounds up Anna and has her sent back to Heaven for her own round of torture/reprogramming. And Dean and Sam have her Big Falling Out that drives Sam to do the horrific… however good his intentions are, what he’s doing is still bad.

4.22 Lucifer Rising The grand manipulation is unveiled. Dean talks an angel into rebelling from Heaven to stop the apocalypse, but they’re still not in time to stop Sam from breaking the world. Chuck… is less than fully helpful, despite Cas literally volunteering his own life to protect Chuck. Pretty sure this is a critical episode for rewatching. Chuck’s mostly pleased his story is going to plan.

5.01 Sympathy for the Devil Ugh, no we do not have sympathy for the devil on this blog. Chuck recruits his biggest fan to deliver cryptic messages to Sam and Dean. Dean learns he’s Michael’s true vessel, destined to be his tuxedo for the apocalypse. Cas returns without having a clue how he’s even alive. And it’s all Chuck’s doing… even if we don’t know that yet.

5.02 Good God, Y'All

The apocalypse is in full swing, and the Horsemen are coming out to play. In this case, War manipulating people into destroying each other. Cas sets out on his mission to find God and convince him to help stop this mess. We learn Dean’s amulet had the power to find God all this time, and they’d never known it until now. Convenient!

5.03 Free to Be You and Me Just watch it already, you know you want to. Defines Dean and Cas’s relationship for years to come, though. Plus Sam learns he’s Lucifer’s destined vessel. I’m sure that will all go fine…

5.04 The End I know most people will disagree with me on this, but the only useful meta takeaway from this episode is the same as one from 4.17: Dean doesn’t learn the lessons he’s “supposed to.” He makes his own lessons. There is literally zero other relevant information to take from this episode, aside from it being Cas who saves him from it. Watch if you enjoy it… but literally nothing about it is any more real than the djinn dream in 2.20 or the dreamroot dream in 3.10, and it’s all been rendered irrelevant by later canon anyway. Especially by 14.20 and that moment Dean refused to play Chuck’s game anymore.

5.05 Fallen Idols More John baggage disguised as an old god. Worth watching just to hear poor Consuela the housekeeper wail about Abraham Lincoln killing Mr. Hill, and Sam being attacked by Ghandi.

5.06 I Believe the Children Are Our Future Dabb’s second gag on the fandom… the antichrist. Dean admitting Cas is his friend. :’)

5.07 The Curious Case of Dean Winchester Dean gets to be an old man for a day.

5.08 Changing Channels Just watch this one, read about it, whatever. Refresh yourself on it. The trickster is unmasked as the Archangel Gabriel, and he’s attempting his own ploy to force Sam and Dean to “play their roles.” They convince him they’re not gonna do that, but to break out of the endless loop of literal television shows he’s forcing them to act out for his own entertainment (and sort of to teach them that lesson), they’ve got to do more than just refuse to play their roles, they’ve got to best him at the game. Kinda like they’re probably gonna have to do with Chuck in s15.

5.09 The Real Ghostbusters Oh, speaking of Chuck… here have a Supernatural fan convention, and a key piece of information on what actually happened to the Colt after Bela stole it. But most importantly, Dean gets to yell about how much he doesn’t appreciate the story of Supernatural.

5.10 Abandon All Hope… They find the Colt, and Crowley, and discover it never would’ve worked against Lucifer anyway, and then promptly lose the Colt again. Lucifer gets to stare down Cas and Cas doesn’t blink, Meg’s hellhounds kill Jo and Ellen, and really everything’s kinda bleak. Lucifer raises and binds Death.

5.11 Sam, Interrupted WRAITH, aka a monster that uses mind altering venom to “cook” her victims to perfection, so like a djinn and other mind-altering, perception-altering creatures, when they sneak up on you unawares, things get… complicated. Massive insight into the essential character of Sam and Dean.

5.12 Swap Meat Body Swap. That one time Sam was actually Gary.

5.13 The Song Remains the Same More time travel, Sam’s second resurrection, we finally meet Michael face to (Young John Winchester’s) face. Mikey seems pretty confident in his “destiny.” Dean’s second warning to Young Mary about her death is wiped from her mind. Contemplation of Cosmic Consequences: it’s better never to be born if it means stopping the Apcoalypse-- clarified in 12.23-present that… nope, definitely worse. “Team Free Will” coined. Watch this one. It’s the stage on which all the s12-present Family Dynamics will be set.

5.14 My Bloody Valentine We learn Heaven set up John and Mary, that they couldn’t stand one another before Cupids intervened and made them “the perfect couple.” I’ve written a lot about the effect the Horseman Famine had on all of them-- especially Dean and Cas, with the reminder that s5 was the season of “lol nope” to the category of beings attempting to manipulate all of them, including the Horsemen. Important just for all of that (and Edlund’s confirmation that Cas’s cravings were actually his own, and that my read that he was being a shifty liar blaming it on Jimmy was correct-- Cas does have his own human cravings, going all the way back to this point, that he was ashamed of, or terrified of, or both...) As well as Sam’s struggle against demon blood addiction, and his fear of and gradual acceptance and internalization of his own powers)

5.15 Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid ZOMBIES. ZOMBIE PIE. JODY MILLS. As I’ve said above, zombies are grief and unresolved baggage from the past, and in this episode, the denial was so strong even the normies in town were willing to accept the return of their dead loved ones, clinging to them until they “turned” and devoured them… the Mary parallels, Karen’s talk with Dean about what we do for the people we love… this one’s important.

5.16 Dark Side of the Moon Dabb, and our first look at the structure of Heaven, and how human souls see the place. Probably one of THE most misunderstood episodes in the entire series. Please see everything I’ve ever written about it for reference. FINALLY they toss out the toxic, worthless samulet. (which we literally learn in 11.20 that chuck “switched off” and INTENTIONALLY rendered worthless, because it suited his plotline and amused him). Still think this is vital to understanding Dabb Era overall.

5.17 99 Problems We see what it looks like when Dean gives up, loses hope, and is about to do Stupid Things™. Cas too. Probably useful just for that.

5.18 Point of No Return We finally see Cas really let loose on Dean, and admit what he gave up because he believed in Dean. Because Dean asked him to. Dean nearly gives in to destiny, but because of Cas, because of Sam, he fights through it. Zachariah and his manipulations end (getting stabbed in the face tends to end that sort of thing). Also the irritating return of Adam only to be the meatsuit for Michael when Dean refuses. (and we learn the truth about Adam-- that everything ghoul!Adam told them had been a straight-up manipulation, and Adam only ever cared about his mom. by the time he learns the truth, it’s too late for him, the gullible idiot vs the power of propaganda)

5.19 Hammer of the Gods The return of Gabriel, aka Loki, and a ton of other pagan gods Lucifer will slaughter. Interesting in light of Gabriel’s return in s13, and because of the mirror of Chuck in each of his archangels. And the Winchesters win another angel to TFW.

5.20 The Devil You Know Crowley’s good at manipulation, but again proves himself to be… mostly trustworthy (as long as they’re all working toward the same end). And re: manipulation, Sam gets a glimpse of just how thoroughly his entire life has been manipulated by demonic forces, which… relevant to the revelations of 14.20 vs Sam’s persistent faith in God despite everything.

5.21 Two Minutes to Midnight Cas is effectively human. Bobby sells his soul for Death’s location, and Pestilence falls to teamwork. Cas learns the value of a shotgun. Dean has pizza with Death, who WANTS him to succeed at locking Lucifer back up and explains exactly how to go about doing it. Sam thinks he can overpower Lucifer if he gives in and says yes.

5.22 Swan Song Sam was not totally wrong in 5.21. Cas resurrects Bobby, and explodes and is resurrected (again!) himself. Sam drags two (2) archangels into the cage and is promptly pulled out (only missing one critical bit…). Dean… actually tries to live up to at least one of Sam’s dying wishes, and it basically ruins his life for the next year. Chuck is a smug, self-satisfied bastard who pats himself on the back for a story well-told before flapping off and proceeding to write variations on his original fic using his favorite characters. >.>

6.01 Exile on Main St. All I can hear is Dean’s heartbreak and anger that Sam had been “alive” for a year and forbade anyone from telling Dean that he wasn’t actually suffering tortures in Hell all that time. If ever there was a YIKES moment on the show, this is it for me. This one’s probably good to watch just for the setup of soulless!sam and s6 in general.

6.02 Two and a Half Men Dean’s even good with monster babies. And after a year of unsettled living with Lisa, he’s more duty bound to protect them than he is wanting to stay because he’s actually happy there. Sam is a creepy hunting machine.

6.03 The Third Man CAS! But heck he’s acting shifty, but so’s Sam, and Dean’s feeling even more alone now. The introduction of the concept of Angel Marks on souls, the Profound Bond, and biblical weapons. And the war in Heaven, and the seasonal antagonist stepping up into Michael’s shoes: Raphael.

6.04 Weekend at Bobby's BALLS. Woodchippers trump everything. We discover that burning a demon’s human bones will perma-kill them, and learn a bit of Crowley’s backstory.

6.05 Live Free or Twihard Dean becomes a vampire for a hot minute. We learn there is a vampire cure that works as long as they haven’t had human blood yet. And we learn something really, really is wrong with Sam...

6.06 You Can't Handle the Truth Dean is now 100% positive that something is horrifically wrong with Sam, and is distraught that nobody else seemed to know it for a YEAR.

6.07 Family Matters Cas figures out what’s wrong with Sam and promptly becomes even shadier around the Winchesters. We meet the Alpha Vampire. And vampire eps are about revenge, right? There is a LOT of shady going on here.

6.08 All Dogs Go to Heaven weird dog episode that I always forget exists between rewatches.

6.09 Clap Your Hands If You Believe… hands down the best soulless!Sam episode. You fight those fairies! I’m still waiting for another fairie episode where Dean can still see them and nobody else can :’D. Just watching Sam try to logic his way into being more human is educational about the struggle to be human in general.

6.10 Caged Heat Family betrayal, Sam and Dean nearly get fed to ghouls, Cas would rather be with them then fighting his war in Heaven. Angel blades can kill hellhounds. They finally entrap meg into working with them instead of always trying to kill them >.>

6.11 Appointment in Samarra I think this is still in my top five favorite episodes ever, and one I think everyone needs to rewatch. Dean and Death episodes usually are. And in this one, Dean IS effectively Death for 24 hours. But there is a LOT in this episode, from Death “testing” Dean on multiple levels-- forcing him to make choices AND process the consequences of his actions and how it affects other people… this is a big one for the cosmology of the SPN universe and Dean specifically. Even in Dabb era.

6.12 Like a Virgin Dragons are a thing. Eve pops over from Purgatory.

6.13 Unforgiven Sam’s soul/hell flashbacks start when he goes poking at the wall, but he keeps poking anyway. Giant spider people. Eurgh. But unfortunately the whole “web of lies unraveling” thing kinda fits.

6.14 Mannequin 3: The Reckoning The haunted kidney episode. But Dean finally breaks it off with Lisa (again… >.>)

6.15 The French Mistake We actually learn something about the angel wars… sort of. We also learn AU’s are actually real. (this was also the last episode the director of 15.03 directed, so probably worth watching if they’re bringing him back after all these years…)

6.16 ...And Then There Were None Monster Possession is apparently a thing now. The last of the Campbell hunters die (that was a quick trip through the family dynamics there >.>). The main takeaway here is from Rufus’ funeral: Life’s short, and it’s not worth carrying guilt and regret (takes them a really REALLY long time to actually internalize it with each other, but at least they got the spirit)

6.17 My Heart Will Go On Cas just lying to their faces, creating an alternate timeline just to generate souls as a power source (the specific number of 50k souls comes up, and will come up again in 6.20, as the number of souls Crowley “loaned” Cas at the beginning of the war in Heaven, with the suspicion that Cas was attempting to “buy his way out of their deal”, but the plan fails and he’s forced to put everything back… but he does ensure Sam and Dean both remember the entire experience, but we get an idea of the extent of the power angels can actually wield.

6.18 Frontierland Dabb has referenced this one several times during his era, but again, the history of the Colt is involved, a Phoenix, and Dean in a cowboy hat. We learn even the other angels think Cas is up to something super shady. But it’s their first real moment of hope.

6.19 Mommy Dearest Eve uses Mary’s face to torment Dean, we learn Crowley is not dead, and Cas… has been doing shady things with him. Cas is again effectively human for an episode.

6.20 The Man Who Would Be King Well this is where everything both falls apart and comes together. This episode makes sense of the entire rest of s6, as painful and sad as it is. If you only watch one episode from s6, it should probably be this one.

6.21 Let It Bleed Dean’s worst fear comes true, and people he cares about but leaves behind for their own protection are used against him. Not just by bad guys, but by Cas. Ouch. Still incredulous that Dean did recognize HP Lovecraft, or even make a Metallica reference at the mention of “Call of Cthulhu.”

6.22 The Man Who Knew Too Much Sam putting himself back together. Cas tearing things apart.

7.01 Meet the New Boss That one episode where it looks like Cas will be the unwitting bad guy and s7 will be about saving him, until it’s really really not. That whole exchange between Dean and Cas about forgiveness and finding some way to make it up to him, though… that’s what will carry us through the bleak middle of s7 and generate the grief arc for Dean in the meantime.

7.02 Hello, Cruel World It looks like Cas is really, truly gone, and all Dean has of him is his trenchcoat. And we’re stuck cleaning up his oozy black mess for the next 15 episodes before getting him back again. Sam’s Hallucifering all over the place and finds a connection to reality through squeezing the scar on his hand, which will become a symbol in show for reconnecting with reality for him for years to come.

7.03 The Girl Next Door Sam thinks pie and cake are the same. In their own respective messed up mental states, Sam thinks Amy is worth saving, Dean doesn’t trust that and kills her. Let the guilt ensue.

7.04 Defending Your Life A good setup of Sam and Dean’s issues for s7.

7.05 Shut Up, Dr. Phil I can’t believe they melted Tula’s painting. But it takes a couple of bickering witches for them to finally get a hold on the Leviathan, so that’s something.

7.06 Slash Fiction Aah, going back to the beginning as a trap for Sam and Dean-- the Leviathan using the Supernatural books to lay a trail case by case from Sam leaving Stanford (Crowley will do the same in 8.22, and the end of 14.20 gave a lot of people the impression there will be a similar progression in s15… but honestly that’s really only sustainable for a single episode, but this may be relevant for like… 15.01-02). Also, Dean finds it satisfying to behead himself (or the leviathan version of himself)… so yikes.

7.07 The Mentalists I love this one just for the Dean feels. He’s really hurting.

7.08 Season Seven, Time for a Wedding! Sam’s love-spelled. Mind control is always a terrible thing. Demons trying to game the system and cash in on deals ahead of schedule. So that’s a thing.

7.09 How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters I love this one. Poor Dean. This is the first time he’s actually felt good in like… ever. Too bad it’s from monster goo.

7.10 Death's Door Bobby :’( And Dean essentially falls apart.

7.11 Adventures in Babysitting Vetala. Which only Dean knew hunt in pairs, so hunter after hunter had been falling victim to them, including Sam. Meanwhile Dean finally got a decent nap.

7.12 Time After Time Dean gets booped back to the 1940’s to hunt with Eliot Ness. Still, they defeat Chronos, yet another god whose prophecy will be tossed aside by the Winchesters.

7.13 The Slice Girls Dean accidentally has a monsterbabby, Sam kills her. Amazons.

7.14 Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie Just watch it. This is the only episode in the entire series that just… is purely good and fun. Sam has to confront his fear of clowns, Dean faces a villain who was blamed for his brother’s death when he was just a kid and his parents should’ve been doing their jobs instead. I mean...

7.15 Repo Man The guy who was trying to lure back “his demon” exorcised during the Apocalypse era, by continuing his murder spree. Sam loses to Hallucifer by acknowledging his existence as separate from Sam’s own subconscious. There’s… a lot in this episode. At least read my rewatch notes.

7.16 Out with the Old Sam eventually succumbs to his Hallucifering, Dean nearly succumbs to a pair of toe shoes. Peter Yankit of Johnson Lane nearly succumbs to a cursed porn magazine. Cursed objects are fun.

7.17 The Born-Again Identity CAAAAASSSSS! He’s back, even if he doesn’t remember who he is. Dean tries to break it to him slowly, but instead unburdens a lot of his personal hurt over Cas’s actions to the oblivious “Emmanuel,” And Cas tells Dean his feelings are completely understandable. This is setting up the entire rest of Cas’s arc, probably through the end of the series. This is what motivates him, his need to repent. And He gets a start by taking on Sam’s trauma, healing Sam.

7.18 Party On, Garth An alcohol spirit enacting personal revenge, and despite all evidence, Sam continues to doubt Dean’s theory that Bobby is somehow still around. Dean’s season-long grief-drinking becomes a punchline, and Dean’s literally the only sober one in the final fight scene.

7.19 Of Grave Importance Yep, Bobby is a ghost, been there all along. Also, ghosts can sort of… cannibalize each other? For their power? whatever, moving on.

7.20 The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo CHARLIE.

7.21 Reading Is Fundamental KEVIN. But also CAS! Is awake but not quite himself and in full denial mode, like he was awakened against his will before he was done cooking >.>. we learn a bit more about prophets as we see Kevin awakened to serve the Leviathan Tablet.

7.22 There Will Be Blood more manipulation, and the Alpha Vampire is back, so we get a double whammy of manipulation/deceit AND revenge. The alpha vampire cooperates with the Winchesters. So does Crowley.

7.23 Survival of the Fittest Cas doesn’t want to fight, but in the end he steps up. They get the Leviathan, Dean and Cas are beamed to Purgatory, and Sam’s left alone and pulls a Sam. He runs away from reality.

8.01 We Need to Talk About Kevin Dean comes back from Purgatory without Cas, but with a vampire friend… so s8 is about Dean making pals with revenge. This will fuel his arc for a good long while to come until he can finally make his peace with it. It affects his interactions with Sam for most of the first half of the season… because while Dean was fighting for his life, Sam was… pretending to be a normal guy and ignoring everything else. Including Kevin.

8.02 What's Up, Tiger Mommy? The push to do something drives them to seek out the Demon Tablet with the promise of closing the gates of Hell forever at Kevin’s suggestion. Plutus, the God of Greed is the baddie in this one, if that’s any sort of meta statement on their overall plan to take this particular course of action… the narrative basically condemned their plot before the season even started. Hubris, ahoy. But we also find out why Cas ran away in Purgatory-- to protect Dean. And why he wanted to stay-- guilt and penance.

8.03 Heartache Oh, a case where a curse is passed on to others after death? And the original death didn’t actually end the curse as intended? Nice.

8.04 Bitten I love episodes were we see Sam and Dean through other people’s eyes. And this one, an episode where we learn new things about werewolves (remember: an examination of inner monstrousness).

8.05 Blood Brother I’d point out the agony of Winchester Secret Keeping being toxic, but since we’re largely out past that by the end of s14… *shrug emoji*. Dean helps his vampire friend get revenge against the vampires who killed him. Double revenge! And Sam… does not like Benny. But we know exactly why DEAN does… he literally saved Cas’s life in Purgatory, despite repeatedly wanting to leave Cas behind. He saved Cas for Dean.

8.06 Southern Comfort Garth again, and his serenity is basically there to point out how toxic Sam and Dean are by comparison. The spectre that possesses Dean to leech off his vengefulness has zero effect on Garth. But Dean gets out his feelings of anger that Sam never looked for him in Purgatory, so that’s on the table to provide drama for years to come.

8.07 A Little Slice of Kevin CAS IS BACK AGAIN! But he has no idea how he got here (he’s been mind controlled by Heaven again, and is desperately trying to make amends, but is literally blocked from doing so at every turn, which is a tidy mirror for what Chuck’s done to the entire story since… forever… so this is probably a must-watch episode, or at least read my notes on it.

8.08 Hunteri Heroici This one’s fun, until it’s owie, and then sad. Magical powers don’t save the day, they only end up hurting people. Cas desperately wants to make amends, but he is afraid to face what he’s done. Instead, he just gets manipulated even harder. At least read my notes for this one, too.

8.09 Citizen Fang Oh, manipulation moves directly to the Winchester brothers, no heavenly interference required. Vampires again, but this time Dean again sides with Benny, but against Sam… who again refuses to hear the truth and pulls another Sam. He forgot the lesson that sometimes it’s not the monsters being monstrous, and it’s important to kill the RIGHT monster, not just the convenient one.

8.10 Torn and Frayed Just like the episode sounds… Cas goes to Dean for help, and then brings Sam onboard and asks them to stow their crap. By the end of the episode, Sam and Dean will have resigned themselves to being on their own again because Cas is… something is not right with him...

8.11 LARP and the Real Girl CHARLIE! Fairies! Dean does one (1) fun thing for his birthday. But this is about using a book to manipulate events to suit the Bad Guy’s whims. Sound familiar?

8.12 As Time Goes By Sam and Dean meet their grandfather, fill in a huge gaping hole from their past, and discover their legacy, the Men of Letters, and the Bunker that will become their home.

8.13 Everybody Hates Hitler Yep. It’s true! Nazi necromancers, and another new ally in Aaron. They settle in to the bunker.

8.14 Trial and Error They take their first steps toward closing the gates of Hell, killing a Hellhound. I wrote about this one recently, so go read that. :’D

8.15 Man's Best Friend with Benefits another weird dog episode

8.16 Remember the Titans Prometheus, Artemis, and Zeus. Curses passed down through families to fall on innocent children. And Zeus is delighted because it causes even more suffering.

8.17 Goodbye Stranger oh the agony. We see what it took for Heaven to control Cas, and what it took for Dean to break through to him, only to fall to yet another mind whammy by the angel tablet. Of course Dean takes this personally, abandoned again. Definitely watch this one. Read the notes. All that.

8.18 Freaks and Geeks In case anyone missed the point, we have manipulation and vampires. And Dean reminding everyone that finding the truth is important (let’s not be so bloodthirsty that just anyone will do).

8.19 Taxi Driver The second trial, the horror that Bobby’s wrongfully been in Hell all this time, and Sam is stranded in Purgatory until Benny shows up to escort him to the portal. Sam finally gets why Dean’s loyalty to Benny never wavered. He was literally willing to die for Dean. This guilt will carry Sam into the third trial eventually but for now...

8.20 Pac-Man Fever Let’s look at Dean’s guilt/fear. That he’s failed to protect Sam and won’t be able to save him from the trials. Fear is a terrible thing. But we have djinn AND dreamroot, so all the false realities.

8.21 The Great Escapist This is still among my favorite episodes, but Cas finally begins fighting for himself, and we uncover the extent of Heaven’s duplicity, and meet Metatron, aka Chuck Lite. Definitely watch or at least read.

8.22 Clip Show Aah, I mentioned this one back in 7.06. This is Crowley’s turn to use the boys’ history against them, but instead of manipulating them, they trap him (at the beginning of 8.23, after whoopsie accidentally freeing Abaddon because of Crowley’s manipulation distracting them from their job…) We learn that “curing a demon” is a thing.

8.23 Sacrifice Cas is so embittered by his experiences with heaven that he refuses to believe Metatron is lying, and thus falls victim to the worst manipulation yet. Sam’s dying from the trials, Cas is human, and angels fall. (and also some of the worst, most toxic relationship stuff between Sam and Dean, which contributes to all of that, along with their hubris to think this was a good idea in the first place… I mean it’s literally what the big bad of s9 did to Heaven so why were they trying to do the same to Hell again?)

9.01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here Cas is human, confused, and alone. The big bad is basically Diet Chuck, and Dean is manipulated into doing a Terrible Thing to save Sam that will strain their relationship for the rest of the season. (Don’t worry, Sam will return the favor in s10 >.>) Buckle in for a season all about manipulation by more powerful cosmic forces but with all new levels of guilt over having caused these problems in the first place!

9.02 Devil May Care Abaddon makes a play for the role of big bad, but will ultimately lose the title to Metatron.

9.03 I'm No Angel The Worst Possible Take on Human Cas. Mostly I ignore this episode.

9.04 Slumber Party Oz. Dorothy. Wicked Witch of the West. Sam’s angel possession gets a bit tricky… Direct mind control instead of the manipulative sneaky kind we usually see. and CHARLIE. The Winchesters lives are directly compared to Dorothy Baum’s, where her “fictionalized” version didn’t even come close to describing the horror of her lived reality. (also that one line swap incident that still pisses me off… and pissed Robbie Thompson off enough to write a whole SCENE in 11.04 they couldn’t screw around with like that… “god helps those who help themselves”)

9.05 Dog Dean Afternoon oh look another weird dog episode

9.06 Heaven Can't Wait the Best Possible Take on Human Cas. Well, while Dean’s still being held hostage against telling the truth to him about the angel possessing Sam… and not being able to just bring Cas back home with him. :’)

9.07 Bad Boys Sam learns another major lesson about just how much Dean was manipulated into lying to him his whole life, and another look at what Dean has given up over the years to protect Sam. The origin of my “the story became the story” tag.

9.08 Rock and a Hard Place Breaking vows is frowned upon. Vesta. And Dean tries to tell Sam about the angel possessing him, but he’s prevented from doing so. And he’s really beginning to realize just how bad a decision this may have been...

9.09 Holy Terror Cas is back in town. He can’t stand by when he might be able to help, but again Gadreel (because now we know that’s the angel possessing Sam) refuses. Gadreel is lured in by Metatron, and things for Sam go from bad to worse. Cas steals another angel’s grace because he had no choice. And Gadreel kills Kevin and runs off. All of a sudden, Dean’s alone.

9.10 Road Trip Just when Dean can finally tell the truth to Cas, Cas isn’t human anymore. They literally never got to actually just BE. Crowley poughkeepsie’s Sam into kicking Gadreel out. Abaddon is becoming more of a problem. Probably at least read the notes on this one. At the end, it’s Dean that “pulls the Sam” and runs away. Which is interesting because they’re essentially gonna swap narrative roles for like… the next season and a half. Buckle up. Things get rocky >.>

9.11 First Born And definitely watch this one. Cas and Sam bonding hour, while Dean goes off with Crowley and is manipulated into taking on the Mark of Cain so he’ll be able to kill Abaddon for Crowley… (and for everyone else, but mainly for Crowley).

9.12 Sharp Teeth Sometimes family can be a werewolf pack. And Garth is now part of one of those, but there’s still zero monstrousness in Garth. As Dean’s beginning to wonder if he should regret taking the Mark (just as Cas wondered if he should regret cannibalizing grace… which he said made him barbaric)

9.13 The Purge A genuinely altruistically intentioned monster, or at least one who attempted to use her monstrousness for good. But her blind spot was her brother, out there just devouring whatever he wanted and not wanting to play by the rules of society or worrying about staying hidden and safe. Plus, DONNA. Even if she doesn’t get to play a big part in the monster hunting.

9.14 Captives We learn more horrors about the s6 angel war from Bart, and pushing Cas toward siding more and more with humanity and against all the heaven nonsense (until he’s manipulated back in DIRECTLY by Metatron and his magic typewriter… but that’s four episodes in the future yet). Linda Tran gets a bit of revenge for being held prisoner for half a year anyway...

9.15 thinman ghostfacers, back to face their own ghosts. If you like getting hit in the face with anvils...

9.16 Blade Runners Crowley’s addicted to humanity. Dean finds his own addiction in the First Blade. And we get our first glimpse of the darker side of the MoL.

9.17 Mother's Little Helper Misha directed it, and it’s got one of the most beautiful scenes in the whole series (Sam freeing the stolen souls, but Dean drinking and playing pool ain’t half bad either). Soullessness, which Sam handles on his own, and learns the truth of how Abaddon infiltrated the MoL.

9.18 Meta Fiction A MUST WATCH. Writers lie. Read my posts. What makes a story? Seriously, Metatron is just Chuck with training wheels.

9.19 Alex Annie Alexis Ann Vampires. More revenge. This time for stolen childhood and lost family. Plus Jody, and the first seed that would become Wayward. Dean is also beginning to succumb to the Mark’s darker urges.

9.20 Bloodlines Dabb’s idea of a joke, I’m pretty sure.

9.21 King of the Damned Well, Abaddon’s dead, at least. Time trave wtf’ery. Dean is… not okay...

9.22 Stairway to Heaven Sam and Cas pop culture road trip. The level of Metatron’s manipulation becomes horrifically apparent. And Cas gives up his army because he refuses to kill Dean. (also Dean really loses it at the end…)

9.23 Do You Believe in Miracles? Crowley reveals the truth about what the Mark is doing to Dean, and we see the final truth when Dean wakes up as a demon.

10.01 Black Demon Dean Part 1. Bad karaoke and random murder. Cas is languishing because of stolen grace, and Sam is off the rails interrogating demons for Dean’s location.

10.02 Reichenbach Demon Dean Part 2. Cas struggles to teach Hannah about humanity, Sam struggles to find Dean.

10.03 Soul Survivor Demon Dean the conclusion. Cas hugs the demon outta Dean. Er… that’s what happened, pretty sure. But he’s still got the Mark.

10.04 Paper Moon More fun with Werewolves: Siblings edition. While Dean struggles to come to terms with his own literal inner monster...

10.05 Fan Fiction Just watch it. And read my rewatch notes for it. I mean, it’s about rewriting the story. And Chuck shows up at the end and gives it a “Not bad.” Probably kinda relevant.

10.06 Ask Jeeves Supernatural: Clue edition. With a shapeshifter that Bobby had known about for decades. Buried secret things again.

10.07 Girls, Girls, Girls Our first real introduction to Rowena. :’) She’s not a friend in this one...Hannah finally gets a taste of humanity through her vessel’s grief and pain, and decides that it’s wrong for her to remain in her vessel. She returns to Heaven, and Cas is left to ponder how he affected Jimmy’s family (since Jimmy’s long dead now) by his possession.

10.08 Hibbing 911 DONNA AND JODY. Donna gets “the talk,” in a vampire case, and finally gets to prove her mettle as a hunter.

10.09 The Things We Left Behind Cas has found Claire Novak, and does what he can to help her. She’s been taken in and manipulated by an unsavory character, who Dean kills in a fit of mark-induced violence (granted he was surrounded by dudes who wanted him dead, but it was still upsetting and mirrored his nightmare from the opening scene). The burger date. (go ahead and watch it)

10.10 The Hunter Games More Claire drama, but this time she stops it. The Longing Retcon. Cas uses emoticons. And Dean nearly kills Metatron while demanding he tell him how to cure the Mark. Things are getting kinda desperate on that end… All Metatron says is “the river ends at the source”

10.11 There's No Place Like Home OZ. CHARLIE. At least read my watch notes. I’ve been banging on about this episode since it aired. But at the very least read the last round of watch notes. Possibly relevant again because of how it was relevant to Chuck and Amara in 11.23 (yes, this is basically how Dean saved the universe).

10.12 About a Boy Dean gets zapped into a 14-year-old version of himself by a witch. Plus: the mark disappeared for a few days, probably giving him a mini-vacation from enduring it and refreshing his control a bit.

10.13 Halt & Catch Fire ghosts in the machines… plus a John reference that is reinforced when a clip from this episode is reused in the horror movie trailer in 14.04 (so skim my rewatch notes for that if you’re still following along for that sort of thing… post 14.13… *shrug emoji*)

10.14 The Executioner's Song Watch it. Read the notes. This is a big one. Free will-wise.

10.15 The Things They Carried Khan worm: homoerotic sweat lodge edition.

10.16 Paint It Black Worth it just for Dean’s confessional scene. At least read my rewatch notes.

10.17 Inside Man We learn some interesting things about Heaven, Cas gets Bobby’s help to break in and talk to Metatron, they sneak him out, steal his grace, and have their leverage over the one person who might know how to cure Dean AND get Cas what’s left of his own grace back… Meanwhile Rowena tries to kill Dean, and he has a heart to heart with Crowley about what Family really means. Definitely watch, or at least read my notes. A lot happens in this one.

10.18 Book of the Damned CHARLIE. And the wtf’ery of the Styne family begins >.> Sam has a good chat with Charlie about his own life. Metatron leads Cas to another book containing his grace and then escapes with the demon tablet. Family dinner. At least skim my notes on this one. (basically anything with metatron is probably relevant to Chuck stuff…)

10.19 The Werther Project Watch this one. I just wrote notes on it. The beginnings of an interesting relationship between Sam and Rowena (yes that started in 10.18, but this is where it gains weight in Sam’s own subconscious). Dean confronts himself in his own vision about the burden he’s laid on Cas (to kill him if he goes off the rails again). There’s a lot of emotional baggage in this one, too. But seroiusly-- watch this one for the Sam and Rowena stuff, because Rowena… isn’t even really there…

10.20 Angel Heart Claire, and Cas’s finally laying to rest his baggage associated with the Novak family. Dean and Claire finally bonding. Dean and Cas went to the Hot Topical.

10.21 Dark Dynasty w. t. f. (if you want to be pissed off, give it a watch)

10.22 The Prisoner If you just want the comforting revenge portion of the program, just watch this one instead. Or if you can’t bear to, at least read my notes on it.

10.23 Brother's Keeper Whoopsie, Dean kills Death. Whoopsie, Sam doesn’t stop everyone else from executing the spell to cure the mark. Whoopsie, that releases the Darkness. Also for people who don’t “see Samwitch,” uh… please note that this is a major inciting incident in Sam and Rowena’s relationship-- she’s being held prisoner to complete this spell, and literally kills the only person she ever loved for it, on Sam’s order… (technically…), which will fuel the ongoing antagonism of early s11. Their relationship isn’t fluffy. It’s built on this mutual pain.

11.01 Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire Amara. I think a lot of s11 is gonna be relevant thematically to s15, but...

11.02 Form and Void I think a better focus of “what is relevant thematically” will be found by looking at Dabb’s episodes and influence over this season… I’d start a rewatch with this one, and the introduction of Billie, who will become Dabb’s in-show avatar as he takes over the reins.

11.03 The Bad Seed Rowena finally undoes the spell she’d cast on Cas. but they’re all traumatized. Please at least read my notes on this one, too.

11.04 Baby This episode sets the new tone for Sam and Dean’s relationship going forward. They are more open with one another, and the main drama isn’t them hiding things that eventually blow up in their faces like it had been in the past. There’s still elements of that, but things never really go back to the toxicity of s9 and s10 after this. Ghoulpire.

11.05 Thin Lizzie Fake haunting at Lizzie Borden’s house, Amara eats souls.

11.06 Our Little World Cas is clearly struggling with PTSD, hiding in the bunker until he spots Metatron by chance and finally gets upset enough to go after him. Dean’s first confrontation with Amara outside of his Darknado Vision, and she… tosses him aside like a used tissue. Sam’s still having visions of the Cage and still thinks the visions are coming from God… >.>

11.07 Plush Donna! And haunted masks! Foreshadowing that Sam’s about to confront Lucifer in the cage-- creepy clown in the elevator.

11.08 Just My Imagination Sam’s childhood imaginary friend was actually real.

11.09 O Brother Where Art Thou? Dean is yoinked from a park by Amara to have a chat about how they’re destined to become one and all that creepy nonsense, while Sam decides to go directly to Hell to talk with Lucifer and doesn’t wait for Dean. Granted, Rowena has been manipulated with lies from Lucifer in this scheme… but she’s about to learn how bad a decision that was. Dean does get to see just how casually Amara can destroy angels, though… which will become relevant it...

11.10 The Devil in the Details Where Dean tells Cas to run if Amara isn’t actually dead… but Cas is convinced he’s useless by the end of the episode and says yes to Lucifer. Owwwwww. At least read my notes on this one. They’re from last week...

11.11 Into the Mystic We meet Eileen, and I just wrote notes about this episode a few days ago. Banshee, which feeds on broken hearts, Dean’s told he’s pining for someone, and is concerned that Cas doesn’t seem himself… >.> He’s also asked if he wants to know the secret to a long and happy life… “Follow your heart” (and he confesses his powerlessness in Amara’s presence to Casifer) https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/186891847375/1111-into-the-mystic-heck-ive-written-a-lot

11.12 Don't You Forget About Me Wayward! Family learning what it means to be family. Vampires-- so the element of revenge, but this time it’s the vamps seeking revenge on a human.

11.13 Love Hurts Quareen. A monster that basically feeds on obsession, toxic “love.” For Dean, that manifests as Amara trying to rip out his heart. I mean… this is the episode he confesses to Sam that he can’t control himself in Amara’s presence, and Sam reassures him it’s not his fault. And he explicitly says it’s not love. It’s horrifying to him, because this episode, this monster, had nothing to do with love, but with possession and control.

11.14 The Vessel What a wonderfully apt and layered title. Thus begins Dean’s s11 “pining for Cas” arc, where his entire focus shifts to Cas after unburdening his Amara issues onto Sam in 11.13. I also consider this episode to fall definitively into Dabb Era. Probably goes for episodes back to 11.10, but this is where that shift is truly evident to me. Definitely watch this one, read my notes, etc. etc.

11.15 Beyond the Mat https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/186962895400/1115-beyond-the-mat-jerry-wanek-directed (just read my notes, this is a Dabb co-writing credit episode)

11.16 Safe House Maybe I should just start copying my rewatch notes here for every episode… https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/186963627365/1116-safe-house-more-blasts-from-the-past-in-a

11.17 Red Meat You should just watch this one, and remember this episode isn’t glorifying the codependency between Sam and Dean, it’s shattering it… It’s werewolves, after all (inner monstrousness brought to light) and read some of my past notes on it.

11.18 Hell's Angel The first half of the episode is just a lot of talking, but hooboy.. Rowena is back from the dead and we learn more of why she seeks out power-- self-preservation. Worth watching just for the second half, the failed Poughkeepsie scene, Dean’s heartbreak and fear for Cas, and Amara’s shock that with Cas standing between them, she doesn’t seem to have any affect over Dean at all…

11.19 The Chitters For a MotW episode, I think this really captures on a meta level what Dabb intends for the whole series. It’s worth watching for itself, but have my notes as to why: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184690946610/weve-finally-hit-1119-on-the-tnt-loop-this

11.20 Don't Call Me Shurley Chuck, and Metatron. I think everyone really needs to watch this one, just to remember how absolutely shady Chuck was. Basically from here right through the end of s11, if you pay attention to these episodes, nothing about 14.20 is the least bit shocking...

11.21 All in the Family Just like 11.20...

11.22 We Happy Few Just like 11.20 and 21

11.23 Alpha and Omega Do we not all think s14 is gonna end on a similar thematic note? Minus all the cliffhangery stuff?

12.01 Keep Calm and Carry On I can picture Dabb rubbing his hands together preparing to run the narrative in loops ad infinitum until he gets word they’ve got one season left to wrap it up. Worth it for the Dean and Mary and Cas. :’)

12.02 Mamma Mia https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184126233100/cass-flashback-to-his-time-hunting-with-mary-as (written recently…)

12.03 The Foundry The companion notes to the link in the last episode: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187007192830/1203-the-foundry-yes-ive-already-written

12.04 American Nightmare If you haven’t noticed, I’m just pasting rewatch notes links now… >.> https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184740345285/im-watching-1207-on-the-tnt-loop-and-yeah

12.05 The One You've Been Waiting For See the link at 12.04 (Dean also killed Hitler)

12.06 Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox see the link at 12.04 (Also Billie is in this one, so of course I think it’s important to the ongoing Dabb Era narrative)

12.07 Rock Never Dies see the link at 12.04 (Lucifer’s nihilism laid bare, no different from Michael’s in s14)

12.08 LOTUS The episode that brought us Jack. Well, eventually… I’m putting these notes here, even though they also cover 12.09: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184761652205/so-the-tnt-loop-has-continued-into-s12-and-after

12.09 First Blood (see above, plus Billie, plus Cas laying it out on the table what he will do because he loves the Winchesters... he does a lot of pining for Dean)

12.10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets Nephilim, Lily Sunder, Human souls as angelic power sources, the deceptions of heaven (and love versus obsession again). https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184762915965/last-ep-on-the-tnt-loop-today-1210-reminders

12.11 Regarding Dean Watch this one, 100%. But also have my whole tag for this episode… I haven’t actually made rewatch notes for it recently, apparently? Which is a shame, because we have Sam working with Rowena, Dean riding Larry BEFORE losing his memories to a curse. There’s a lot of excellent character stuff in this one, for all of them.

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You) Watch this one. Cas is family. He loves them. This is the point I became frustrated with myself because there’s a huge gap in my hellatus rewatch notes that I thought I covered and apparently… did not… I don’t have recent notes to point you toward for convenience...

12.13 Family Feud Rowena gets her revenge on Crowley for making her kill Oskar in 10.23. Too much time travel wtf to even bother mentioning anything else.

12.14 The Raid The lengths Sam will go to to have any sort of relationship with Mary… including lying to and manipulating Dean. Vampires… and the Colt, and Sam finally kills the Alpha Vampire.

12.15 Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell between the Crowley and Lucifer drama, Sam kills the Alpha Hellhound (essentially). A lot of other deceptions and lies come to light though, and Cas disappears off to Heaven and from just one call, Dean’s already concerned about him. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184853801830/still-on-s12-in-the-tnt-loop-and-heck-s12-looks

12.16 Ladies Drink Free (covered in the notes linked in 12.15) Werewolves, and an actual werewolf cure.

12.17 The British Invasion (covered in the 12.17 post) Eileen is back for her last real episode.

12.18 The Memory Remains https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184854556715/that-last-scene-of-1218-where-sam-and-dean-are

12.19 The Future https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184875554515/i-find-it-endlessly-fascinating-that-i-can-rewatch (this post covers… most of the rest of s12 and loads of s13)

12.20 Twigs & Twine & Tasha Banes (see the link in 12.19)

12.21 There's Something About Mary Mary is being stripped of her will. And Free Will has been what this show has been about… forever. And what will be recontextualized in the wake of 14.20.

12.22 Who We Are And here’s where Mary’s will is restored to her.

12.23 All Along the Watchtower The proof of the spiral narrative. But also the point writing this post that I’ve determined this is all probably neither useful nor interesting to anyone other than myself, and I lose the ability to simply discuss these episodes individually anymore. From here on out, it becomes a weird blur of everything. This post is already over 14,000 words long and I still have 43 more entries to make, and I have no idea how to convey the meta import or Character Development highlights from this point forward. I don’t even know how to eliminate most of these from a watch list of essential character and meta points. So I’m just gonna… wing it…

13.01 Lost and Found Watch this one for the soul-crushing agony, and our intro to the Nougat.

13.02 The Rising Son Jack is nearly manipulated by the Kentucky Fried Demon

13.03 Patience Our second Wraith. Watch it for, if nothing else, Dean shouting down Sam about Cas.

13.04 The Big Empty TFW in group therapy with a shapeshifter. Cas vs the Empty, defending his life with a statement that he wants to live, but… again he is unclear on his mission going forward.

13.05 Advanced Thanatology Must watch for Billie, for Dean’s complete loss of hope, and Sam’s inability to “fix him” with things that worked in the past.

13.06 Tombstone Yeehaw! Cas is Dean’s big win.

13.07 War of the Worlds Michael has been effectively “playing God” in the AU. The first rumors that Rowena is actually alive after 12.23, and Cas is captured by Asmodeus, who manipulates the Winchesters into thinking Cas is still at liberty… That’s probably all you need to know. >.>

13.08 The Scorpion and the Frog https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184946657745/so-im-still-out-ahead-of-the-tnt-loop-but-i (this also covers 13.15)

13.09 The Bad Place Wayward!

13.10 Wayward Sisters Wayward again!

13.11 Breakdown Donna! Wayward part 3! And the reminder (via Vampires) that not everyone who has a brush with the Supernatural will feel compelled to pick up a life of hunting.

13.12 Various & Sundry Villains Zombie! (which makes it relevant to Jack stuff even indirectly) Rowena! And Sam giving Rowena what she needed to protect herself, which honestly is what she’s been seeking since her introduction in s10. Sam. Just handed it to her. Let that sink in. Maybe watch the episode. It’s fun, anyway.

13.13 Devil's Bargain Heaven sucks. The bits about Sister Jo describing the feeling of weakened grace allowing her to feel a little bit human is relevant to our interests, though.

13.14 Good Intentions Watch this one. It sets up Cas’s special power to strip memories from a human mind, and the results of that. And Dean’s wishy-washiness about just telling Cas he’s wanted, not just needed.

13.15 A Most Holy Man (see 13.08)

13.16 Scoobynatural Dude… it’s scoobynatural. just watch it because you want to.

13.17 The Thing this post covers 13.17-13.20, for convenience’s sake: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184996231285/so-ive-watched-four-more-episodes-since-my-last

13.18 Bring 'em Back Alive (see above)

13.19 Funeralia Billie and Rowena, Sam’s “destiny” to kill Rowena, and Castiel’s forgiveness by Naomi in Heaven as she explains how badly heaven is broken and shows him to the door, knowing he won’t stay. This is a must watch.

13.20 Unfinished Business Revenge doesn’t fix anything.

13.21 Beat the Devil https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185000752455/still-watching-s13-and-1321-is-owie-but-im

13.22 Exodus (see 13.21) https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185000920730/dean-in-1322-so-close-to-ready-to-letting-all

13.23 Let the Good Times Roll (see 13.21) But I have a list for this episode… maybe just read my tag starting with the posts I made on May 19, 2019… https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185002926095/1323-vs-1420-lets-start-with-1323-jack-tell and https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185003462010/1323-was-so-ridiculous-i-mean-dean-basically

14.01 Stranger in a Strange Land At this point, I think everything is at least tangentially relevant… I mean look at this nonsense: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185004920575/on-to-s14-and-one-of-dabbs-big-pet-themes-for

14.02 Gods and Monsters https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185014835950/aah-only-18-more-episodes-to-go-and-48-hours-to

14.03 The Scar https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185016627975/aah-1403-power-doesnt-fix-anything-dean-is

14.04 Mint Condition https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185018115175/im-gonna-lump-1404-and-1405-together-here-for

14.05 Nightmare Logic (covered in the post linked for 14.04)

14.06 Optimism https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185030339610/1406-jack-im-already-writing-isnt-that and https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185030940270/jack-vs-zombies

14.07 Unhuman Nature (see that first post in 14.06)

14.08 Byzantium https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185042798280/omg-wait-literally-in-1408-while-theyre-all

14.09 The Spear https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185043896890/haaaaa-1409-and-michaels-speech-at-the-end

14.10 Nihilism Not rewatch notes, but a post made after the episode aired: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/182171684160/were-working-on-the-power-of-love

14.11 Damaged Goods https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185047861195/the-boxes-of-1411-omfg-a-demon-trapped-in-a-box

14.12 Prophet and Loss https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185048948905/aah-1412-tony-you-cant-you-cant-do-this

14.13 Lebanon https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185050918250/ive-been-holding-off-starting-1413-because-i

14.14 Ouroboros aka the point where I firmly believe they were 100% sure s15 would be the final season, and began actively setting up the endgame. (I mean I think they knew well before this, but this was where the turn happened narratively) https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185052705595/i-wrote-a-little-about-1414-earlier-today-in

14.15 Peace of Mind WHEEE! My delightful personal vendetta against Chip, the MotW, the direct Chuck parallel who even called himself a god, and who manipulated everyone else around him to make HIMSELF happy… like seriously, major definitely must rewatch. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185074234960/mittensmorgul-once-again-in-1415-cas-is (I wrote so much about this episode it’s ridiculous)

14.16 Don't Go in the Woods https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185056380525/so-i-started-watching-1416-intending-to-write

14.17 Game Night (see 14.16)

14.18 Absence https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/185065385445/1418-and-1419-both-will-require-additional

14.19 Jack in the Box (see 14.18)

14.20 Moriah Writers lie. I think this is now officially my favorite episode of the series…

#s14 hellatus rewatch #spiders georg of the tnt loop #how the heck else can i tag this one i mean YIKES if any post ever qualified for the tag #too many episodes to tag them all #it is definitely THIS one yikes #and i never ever tag my posts this but #supernatural meta #destiel #samwitch

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ooc-but-stylish · 6 years

Text

The FFXV Dossier

or,

More Proof that the Writers at Square Have No Clue WTF They Are Doing

Ravus Dossier: “Eldest son of House Fleuret, Blood of the Oracle, and older brother to Lady Lunafreya. His mother was burned alive in the fires that consumed Tenebrae twelve years ago.”

It wasn’t bad enough that Sylva was run through by Glauca’s sword, she also was still alive after that and then legit died in a fire. Then Luna proceeds to mention her mother not a single time throughout the game, with the motherly presence replaced by Gentiana, the Most Ineffectual Attendant and Friend Ever. They didn’t have to do that to Sylva, but they did.

“Blaming the “cowardly” King Regis for her death,”

He was indeed a coward. No quotation marks needed. Carry on.

"Unfortunately, the Rulers of Yore deemed him unworthy of their power, and singed his left arm as punishment for his hubris."

Less “singed” and more “he got his own arm burnt off, was in incredible pain, and needed a Magitek prosthetic replacement and also his sister saw him burn-- to death, for all she knew-- and didn’t say a damn thing nor make any effort to help him”, but sure.

“The empire’s assault on Altissia was an unequivocal failure that resulted in massive casualties. As High Commander, Ravus is forced to take responsibilty for this disastrous outcome and is succinctly scheduled for execution.”

Good of the dossier to clue us in on missable but important character information that would explain later parts of the story or why anyone is anywhere.

“Yet Lunafreya convinces her brother that his initial impression of the prince was wrong, and he has a change of heart.”

First of all, Lunafreya has no sense of self and her existence is defined by her continued positive relationship with a prince and a king she hasn’t seen in twelve goddamn years.

Second, this game runs on morality centered on whatever character the narrative wants to fellate. Luna didn’t tell Ravus that she chose to let Regis’s hand go. That gave Ravus the impression that Regis abandoned all of the Nox Fleurets to their fate instead of just two of them (although IMO, that he still abandoned them doesn’t get less bad).

Third, rather than having writing that examines the flaws of characters perceived or presented as Good People, instead what the narrative does is it twists characters into pretzels to sell that Regis was 100% pure and free of even the perception of wrongdoing, defended by another “sacrosanct” character (Luna) who is never wrong ever and is the best judge of character just because the game says so and look at how nice and good she is.

Anyone who disagreed with Regis “didn’t understand what he was going through”, even though his actions involved the manipulation and death of someone he was supposed to protect and care for (Noctis) and the sacrifice of many other people on top of that (Insomnian citizens, Luna, Ignis, Nyx, etc.), with all the blame of the events falling onto Noctis, who was deliberately raised not to know about a majority of the things he needed to do in the game nor the true extent of his burden because Regis wanted to “treat him like a normal boy” to make himself feel better about the fact that his son would die young anyway.

So, I don’t blame Ravus for thinking Noctis was an ignorant shit.

The problem is that at no point is Ravus disabused of the notion that Noctis is that way on purpose nor allowed to act in light of that knowledge. All Luna does is shill for Noct and tells Ravus that he’s wrong and he should change his mind about the guy because he will rise to the occasion in the future. She defends Noctis in a way that more or less admits that Ravus is right about his assessment but that it’s somehow irrelevant. In reality, Ravus is under no obligation to wait for that undetermined future time (10 years later... Ravus would wait a total of 22 years for Noctis to prove himself?) or expect that future behavior/redemption will make up for present misdeeds-- from Ravus’s POV Noctis shows no behavior that lends to the idea he knows what he’s doing or that he’s not just blowing off the fact that Luna is dying for him.

I still maintain that if Noctis knew that Luna was dying as the price of the covenants, he and Ravus would have seen eye to eye. However, every time someone makes it known that “Luna is dying”, the context is twisted to make it seem like she died because of Noctis and that she possessed the Ring of the Lucii (known to drain life and cause ill health), not because the gods robbed her of her life as part of waking them up-- a reality which makes Noctis a few steps removed from being the cause of Luna’s death. But I digress.

At the point Ravus “redeems himself” of his negative opinion and shows it, he has no other choice: Luna is already falling apart and near-death so he has to be a LuNoct shipper all of a sudden, and later on Noctis is the last remaining option to save the world that Ravus wanted his sister to live in and give people the future he wanted her to enjoy. Then it turns out that wasn’t even Noctis he was talking to, so he got no closure.

The problem is also that Ravus’s issue with Noctis and Regis is one that the narrative shows he’s not allowed to have. An opinion that Regis is a coward and Noctis is ignorant is some kind of “hallmark of villainy” for this game, because how dare people disagree with the protagonists and have a negative opinion on them! So Ravus needed to be “redeemed” and “see the light” about how great Noctis and Regis are when

he shouldn’t have had to

being a stan for the protag is not the same as being a good character

it’s not even the requirement of being a hero, or even a good person

and wow, look at all the good it did him considering he still fucking died. His name is Ravus and they didn’t let him have a gray view of the protagonists. He died and his body was defiled.

Gentiana Dossier: "Gentiana prefers not to interfere with the everyday occurrences of the mortal world"

Including, of course, a twelve year old Luna being beaten by Caligo. And Luna being murdered by Ardyn the day after Gentiana appeared in Altissia. And Sylva being murdered by Glauca (or rather, BURNED ALIVE in the fire near Fenestala Manor). Those everyday occurrences. Ok.

Crepera/The Rogue Dossier: "One of the guardians of the Old Wall, consumed by the Starscourge and forced to submit to Ardyn’s will.”

Ardyn is such a Sue he can infect spirits now? Ok.

I mean, the Old Wall fell apart when Nyx summoned them to fight Diamond Weapon and Drautos, and calling upon them is a power granted by those who have the Ring of the Lucii, but Ardyn still brought some Kings of Lucis back to possess them with powers antithetical to the ones that could control and awaken them in the first place. This is after he summoned a Wall to cover the Citadel that’s identical to the one powered by the Crystal and the Ring of the Lucii when the Crystal already rejected him and he should have no right to its abilities as well as not having the Ring in his possession. Splendid.

"Having lost her father and older brother to the daemons"

Oh, so the Kings of Lucis could have more than one child! But Noctis doesn't have a sibling because......?

“At the time, however, the thought of a woman ruling the kingdom was preposterous to some. Thus the Rogue reigned from the shadows, helping Lucis to overcome a difficult era without once revealing her face to the masses.”

Okay, so the sole surviving daughter of the Lucian monarchy is ruling the place but the problem people have with it is her sex? Ok. I mean this is an isolationist country that's already hated by the people outside of it for its practices and general neglect of the neighboring lands but having a woman at the helm is the real problem. My god. But it is good to know that, in a world with massive genocidal water snakes, giants holding up meteors, clones, robots, malarial space herpes, frosty ice giantesses being maids to Discount Female Jesus Figures, all of which exist on a planet smaller than fucking Rhode Island, sexism still remains intact. So good to know.

Like it wasn't known that the previous King had a son and a daughter? So no shit if the father and son die that the daughter would be left, unless a) a total foreigner would rule the country, for the sake of "muh male dominance" which is shit, b) someone not descended from the Lucian line would rule the country, for the above reason, which is still shit c) the daughter disguised herself as a man and for maximum roleplay got herself a wife too, because people can’t accept a woman being in charge for some reason, but anyway it still makes no sense because the solution after all was that she still does her job, but she does it behind the scenes because she morphed from King of Lucis to Harry Potter whenever the Dursleys have a guest in their house.

Fuck, I mean, doesn’t the Rogue wield a big honkin’ shuriken? I thought this "ruling from the shadows" thing was more like her conducting assassinations by moonlight and winning the hearts of her subjects by daylight like a murderous Sailor Moon! The flavor text says she “spurned the public eye”, so you know what'd also be acceptable? Her not being in the spotlight because that’s just part of her personality, but I hear Square has no idea how giving women personalities is supposed to work. A "King of Lucis" that avoids paparazzi like the fucking plague would be A++ but nah, it’s because this fantasy world still needs sexism in it, and this King of Lucis who’s gotten her position by “birthright” and “natural causes” still gives a fuck about social mores. Utter horseshit.

#ffxv critical #ravus nox fleuret #crepera the rogue #gentiana #regis critical #regis negative #gentiana negative #lunafreya critical #long post

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deeptimesjournal · 4 years

Text

Surrender to Wild Entropy

Beloved Descendant, Mandala 2160 Surya Brahmana Arhaant III “flow like a forest of kelp through cycles of time with faith in your ancestor’s bones roar more; unleash your full force!” ﹣ Arunima I, of the Storm. Change is a force / kills false impressions / dances tandav on graves. Invites us folly to surrender to the wild indeterminacy of her powers. When you’ve received a colonialized education, you’re used to finding comfort in knowing enough. If our world were to flood, they would have us think that to survive means to be prepared enough, to possess enough, have enough / control over these ecosystems of death. Let us take flight from this. Let us ask instead, how will change possess us?

* * I. Journey: to grieve with courage. I was living by the waters of Pacific Island Aotearoa. Certainly secure that we were on solid ground. The security of material and economic privilege is so strange / you become a frog comfortable in increasingly warm water / Did you know that powerlessness is taught and learned? When womxn bodies sense a threat, we can freeze dead in our tracks: we are nervous systems. This is not a system failure: preventing the leaking of energy / this is how we persist. How have we arrived? You and I are millennia old. 202 years ago, the white man took on the burden of civilizing our families, our elders, our babies. Now, our survival has come to depend upon systems of learning created for earning, instead of learning to learn. We’ve been told that if we cannot / stop “producing,” we will perish. So we have become the best race at designing new technologies, efficiently utilizing our minds to labor for capital and accumulation. But Beloved, our liberation, foreign to these foreigners, lives beyond the patri-colonial designs of modernity. Our Poorvaj have learned by // travelling // wailing. When colonial certainties collapse, the ruins of this structure expose the rotting, necessary. Modern citizens put a lot of faith in the four walls of concrete buildings. Our territories will protect us from the danger of / that which is / stranger. This is a false and comforting impression. * * A few minutes after I say “they wouldn’t risk sending us home,” our leaders announce that we have four days to leave the island country. While Aotearoa is one of the safest places in the world right now (and to come, as we shall see) College authorities do not know how this crisis will unfold. Borders are rapidly closing now. We used to have “countries” back then and “going home” from abroad meant usually crossing borders. Everyone else in my group called “the United States” / the name colonists gave Turtle Island / home. Lesson I: Corona has little trouble flowing through bodies. Our group is atop a blue ice glacier when our program gets shut down. The rush of our departure from Aoraki Glacier slows me down: this inertia will soon haunt me, too. A few hours.. or days.. pass as if a strange dream. A few of the Americans in our group have prepared to leave as soon as we get word. Of course, they are nothing if not efficient. Whereas, swimming in ambivalence and strong attachments, I am currently unaware of how fierce high tides are. After a 10 hour bus-ride to the nearest airport, 6 hours on the airport floor, and 2 hours in a propeller plane journeying to the capital, we arrive in some hostel. Sharing bunk beds / I am once again in inanimacy and strangely unpleasurable intimacy with these strange white cyborgs and their deadening / claims to occupation of space. * * II. Entropy: What lies beyond conquest Where do we go from here? The Government of India has barred all passenger planes. Chaotic change is here and I have no safehouse to retreat to. Aotearoa is fast approaching national lockdown. I call the embassy and a disembodied voice indifferently says, “ask your university to arrange accommodation until further notice. We have no information from the government at this time.” They managed to say, “we couldn’t care enough to get you home.” without uttering one word. Keep working. Our International Scholars office buys me a 36-hour flight departing.. tomorrow. I look up the airline to confirm flight details. As of yesterday, the airline is bankrupt. This flight was to refuel in Australia; the country is not allowing any travellers to leave or transit through its gates. Maa and I decide to try an Air India ticket. I should’ve booked these quicker. There’s one flight going to Mumbai! And just as I try to click buy, she’s gone. Faster than I am.**Chaos is holding my hand now. Inviting me to cultivate a relationship with change and her ruthless grace. Aims for my belly button / rams her horns into gut / piercing pain / I’ll wait / I want to go home and home is family.. South Asia / A pool of my blood is collecting. Still, beside myself / managing this unfolding / I’ll prepare to wait it out until they allow flights to run? Yes.. what else could I..? / Oh god.. My insides are cracking open. It hurts to keep fighting for control.** We remain very ill equipped for the reality of change.Focus. try to / see clearly. This crisis is as much about a crisis as it is about continuing to dwell in colonial imaginations of crises. It is time to exorcise this all-consuming exercise for control.Beware. Be less certain that you will always have the walls of your home to protect and serve. Seas of people among us who had homes yesterday are turned into refugees today, held by strange lines / limits borne of men’s imaginaries / What shields from the indeterminacy of chaos? What you deem / hoarded / yours, may become a burden, you stand to lose when change comes.Security will mean bodies in / us / in / voluntary cages. To control is to possess security only until wild times rage. When walls built for protection turn to asphyxiate us, revolts will come. “the natural order is disorder.”﹣ Zaheer, Book Three: Change Episode 10. Long Live the Queen. The Legend of Korra.Change takes off. Her pauses do not allow time for the kind of painstakingly deliberated replies, which it is our colonial gift to provide, in the interest of stability / “in control” / pretenses of remaining unaffected, unchanged by her departure. How will we stay alive? The floodgates open.

III. Surrender: care flow tending

My entire being shakes. Finally. Let go. Relief arrives when you stop trying / struggling to float. I invite hands to hold me as grief flows. I am honest about the uncertainty of my situation with conspirators / a comforting outpouring of messages / con-spirare, to breathe together with. Multiple offers to stay in houses. A kindred settler spirit says, “do not worry, dear. If you choose to return to Turtle Island, you will be cared for.” We are all in the business of caring, tending to. So what if this body becomes the first terrain to call my home? There is security in their, too, in the sense that dimming, darkness, forces of death are supreme / they render bare all uncertainty. The Black officer at LAX’s Immigration, Border Patrol and Customs entrypoint has a beautiful smile. I tell him so. He blushes, and we are both pools. Soon after I arrive, I begin training. In the arts of undoing / preparing to receive death / the chaos that has only just begun. There is no planet-saving, no more civilizing conquests here. My queer water-body is an ancestral reverend / learning to harness the limitless imaginaries that our poorvaj’s prayers breathed into us. Learning melanin-richness, she holds / this infinite pluriverse / matters of love / dying matters / with grace and agility. As changes reap a late spring harvest of death, we dance wild with grief. We must. Care for those patriarchal, colonial, capital’s designs do not consider: all beings, more or less.we survive, through intimacy with force: chaos, we thrive in. with care: we prepare for chaos.Our bodies transform. We are sacred forms. our desires are ascetic; we exorcise domination and relinquish his narratives of control. We are sacred seeds.And we take root among the stars, Beloved. * * Arunima Singh Jamwal (Pronouns: A and all, fluidly, 21 yo) In Sanskrit, Arunima means first ray of sunlight and red glow of dawn. Arunima considers their creative path a gift from Creator and their Scythian ~ Suryavanshi ~ Sikh ancestors. As an animist and affective anthropologist, Arunima writes both to visibilize unseen presents and weave liberating visions for Life. Arunima’s purpose is to bring healing and balance to cultures and communities suffering from colonial-capitalism, intergenerational traumas, and cycles of social violence.Presently a settler-immigrant on the Cowlitz’s lands in Portland Oregon, Arunima loves to listen to plants and podcasts. A’s favorite spiral would have to be the Māori koru that represents our return to the point of origin and a state of calm harmony amidst chaos and change. Besides coordinating projects for Lewis & Clark’s Sustainability Council, she leads on-demand, intimate circles to center the ethic of healing justice in your lives, and creates community through their Instagram account, The Gurh Life.

@ Arunima Singh Jamwal (Pronouns: A and all, fluidly, 21 yo) In Sanskrit, Arunima means first ray of sunlight and red glow of dawn. Arunima considers their creative path a gift from Creator and their Scythian ~ Suryavanshi ~ Sikh ancestors. As an animist and affective anthropologist, Arunima writes both to visibilize unseen presents and weave liberating visions for Life. Arunima’s purpose is to bring healing and balance to cultures and communities suffering from colonial-capitalism, intergenerational traumas, and cycles of social violence.Presently a settler-immigrant on the Cowlitz’s lands in Portland Oregon, Arunima loves to listen to plants and podcasts. A’s favorite spiral would have to be the Māori koru that represents our return to the point of origin and a state of calm harmony amidst chaos and change. Besides coordinating projects for Lewis & Clark’s Sustainability Council, she leads on-demand, intimate circles to center the ethic of healing justice in your lives, and creates community through their Instagram account, The Gurh Life.

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daisy-chain-gardens · 7 years

Text

Exchange Romance - Chapter 7

A/N: Hey guys, me again. Sorry for the slow update but I've had a bit of a crazy week so I haven't had a lot of time to write. This chapter is quite long though so hopefully that makes up for it! The next chapter is going to be 'day by day' style as well. I was going to merge this chapter and the next chapter but I really wanted to post something today and I think this chapter is long enough as it is. Happy reading :)

Word Count: 6,050

Ch. 1 // Ch. 2 // Ch. 3 // Ch. 4 // Ch. 5 // Ch. 6 // AO3 link

Brave. This is the first word I would think of if someone asked me to describe Betty Cooper. Although these five small letters do nothing to describe the incredible human being that you are, they begin to describe what you are to me. The next word I think of is gentle, then strong, then intelligent, and then a millions others which would take a lifetime to write out. The truth is, a light such as yourself can’t be summed up with mere words, no matter how many I try to use. You couldn’t possibly be summarised because you are so much more than just a few sentences. You are your accomplishments, your failures, your memories, your regrets and everything in between. Every single one of these things has created you, the amazing, ethereal, kind hearted girl who I am incredibly lucky to call my girlfriend. You make me feel safe in this screwed up world and for that I am eternally grateful. Snowball fights and late night movies and vanilla milkshakes and that certain shade of green will forever remind me of you, surely bringing a smile to my face until my dying days. If someone ever asks me about it, I’ll be sure to tell them all about the beautiful blonde with a funny accent and piercing green eyes. The way her hair looks like pure gold when the sun hits it just so. The look of pure joy and wonder on her face at the sight of snow. The way she tilts her head back slightly and scrunches her eyes shut when she laughs. The tune she taps absentmindedly against the table as she does her math homework. If anyone ever asks me why I remember all of these small moments that anyone else would deem insignificant, I'll tell them it is because of you. The unforgettable Betty Cooper. The girl who had my heart from the second I saw her laughing away in a booth at Pop's. What I'm trying to say, or rather write, is that I love you Betty Cooper. Somehow it feels like I always have. Like I just knew, as soon as we locked eyes, that you were the only girl that would ever be anywhere near enough for me. I am so so happy that you're in my life, and now that you are I can't imagine my life without you. I hope that you have the most unforgettable Christmas, Betts, because you deserve it. You deserve all of the goodness and happiness in the world and I will try my hardest to give it to you. I love you.

This was the letter that Jughead wanted to send. The words flowed smoothly as his pen raced across the page to keep up with his thoughts. Before the ink on the first word had even begun to dry, Jughead knew he would never send this to Betty, no matter how desperately he wanted to. "What kind of wimp tells his girlfriend he loves her in a letter?" He mumbled under his breath before scrunching it up and tossing it in the bin.

What felt like several hours later, the bin beside Archie's desk was overflowing, crumpled paper marked with half finished sentences spilling over the sides of the small metal basket. Jughead held his head in his hands, willing himself to continue. This letter had to be perfect but nothing that he wrote felt right. His sentences felt clunky and his words sounded generic and impersonal. After many more failed attempts, he begrudgingly sifted through the paper mountain and pulled out the crumpled sheet hiding at the very bottom.

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Betty didn't realise she was crying until the ink became blurry, forcing her to clear her eyes before reading the final words of Jughead's letter. His fingers ran over the crumpled page, circling those three words that changed everything. She didn't try to fight her lovesick smile, knowing that her efforts would be in vain. He loved her. Jughead Jones loved her, Betty Cooper. She couldn't believe it. She had to stop from running and jumping around the room for fear of waking up her host family. She reread his letter countless times until she had it memorised, her mind playing the words over and over again. She reached over to her dresser and grabbed her phone, bringing up Jughead's name on Skype and calling him faster than she thought was humanly possible. He picked up on the second ring.

"Hi Betts," he mumbled sleepily, a groggy smile on his face at the sight of his girlfriend.

"Hi Juggie." Her voice was quiet but Jughead could hear the excitement in it.

"Everything ok? It's pretty late. Shouldn't you b-"

"I love you," Betty blurted out, her voice now strong and sure. "Jughead Jones, I love you," she repeated, more to herself than anyone else. Betty wished she had a camera to take a photo of Jughead the minute the words slipped out of her mouth. Pure love and adoration covered his face, no sight of his usual nonchalance.

"Betty Cooper, I love you." There were tears, and quiet promises, and three words whispered over and over again, so many times that they were the only ones either of them could remember. All that Betty wanted was to be with him. To be able to hold his hand, stroke his cheek, press his lips against hers, anything. She absentmindedly traced his face on the screen, aching for his touch. They kept talking until their conversation turned to yawns, the quiet sound of Riverdale in the morning flooded through the speakers before their screens finally turned black.

26th December

By the time Betty emerged from her room, Ronnie had already finished one mug of coffee and Hiram and Hermione were standing near the door.

"Ah, Betty, I'm glad you're awake. Hermione and I are heading off to Paris until the New Year. We have some meetings and things to attend for the company. You two should be fine here but Smithers is staying behind in case you need anything. Have a good time, stay safe," Hiram called over his shoulder as he strolled out of the front door, his wife on his arm. Veronica let out a small sigh when the door closed before quickly turning her attention to Betty.

"So B, I heard voices very late last night. What were you and lover boy up to?" Veronica questioned playfully, waggling her eyebrows.

"Nothing just ... talking," The blonde looked down at the table to hide her smile, failing to hide her happiness as her face blushed red.

"Just talking? If you say so. What did he say in that letter he gave you?" Betty looked up at her host sister, her face resembling that of a deer in the headlights. Ronnie had an innocent smile on her face causing Betty to narrow her eyes.

"What do you know?" Betty asked slowly, her voice curious but threatening.

"I know nothing. But I may have talked to a certain boyfriend of mine who may just happens to sleep in the same room as a certain boyfriend of yours. A certain boyfriend who might sleep talk." Ronnie's voice raised teasingly as she kept her eyes trained on Betty, her innocent smile now having morphed into a knowing smirk. Betty kept her eyes narrowed, still unsure as to whether or not Veronica was bluffing.

"What do you know?" She repeated, her tone becoming more threatening than curious.

"Fine, I give up, you're no fun. Archiekins was clearing out the bin in his room and there was a whole bunch of letters; all addressed to you, all written by Jug. Arch kept teasing him about it until Jug confessed that he loves you." He waited for a beat, creating a dramatic pause which only Veronica could pull off in an actual conversation. "But I wasn't lying about the sleeptalking thing." Betty couldn't contain the smile on her face. Last night the pair had said that they loved each other more times than most people did in a lifetime but Betty didn't think she would ever get tired of hearing it. "So then, last night wasn't just talking, was it?" The brunette raised her eyebrows again, this time questioningly instead of playfully.

"Yes, V, just talking. Sorry to disappoint," Betty replied, laughing when Veronica fake-pouted. "You are the only person I know that would be annoyed I didn't do anything other than talk with my boyfriend on Christmas. Well, you and Kevin."

"At least Kevin has his priorities straight. Speaking of which, shopping is compulsory today because, well shopping should be compulsory everyday really. But, we need to get you something nice for when you get to see Jughead again!" Ronnie practically squealed, looking a lot more excited than Betty.

"Fine, only if we can go sightseeing this afternoon. I haven't gotten to do any sightseeing."

"Deal. Now go get changed, I just got to make some calls," Veronica agreed mysteriously but Betty was too caught up in her daydreams to notice.

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Not more than an hour after their conversation in the kitchen, the two girls were walking around one of the many malls New York had to offer, arms linked at the elbow as they walked through the crowds of shoppers.

"Ok so, first stop, Victoria's Secrets? What colour are you thinking? I think you'd look good in light pink, maybe blue," Ronnie started rambling, talking about various styles of lingerie.

"Wait, what? Why are we going here for me?" Betty asked, her face revealing her confusion.

"To get you something for Jug, remember?" The dark haired girl replied before laughing at the blonde's blatant confusion. "What did you think we were shopping for, lollipops?" Thank god for waterproof makeup because Veronica was crying herself to tears at how naive Betty was.

"I don't know. I thought maybe a new dress or something. I don't really know if we're at the lingerie stage yet," Betty said shyly. She was used to talking about her relationship with Ronnie but this felt different, more personal.

"Not yet but I have a feeling you will be soon. You love him and he loves you, what else is there?" Veronica asked, as if it were as simple as that.

"I don't know it's just ... scary, I guess," Betty confessed, slightly embarrassed.

"B, I'm not trying to pressure you into sleeping with your boyfriend or anything but it's just how it is. people have needs. You might not feel that way yet and that's nothing to be ashamed of. If nothing else, we can always just go and get cute bras for you, Jughead never has to know." Betty hugged her host sister tightly, thankful that she wasn't pushing the matter.

"Fine V. Only because I know that you’re not going to drop this."

"I have raised you well my little kiwi." Veronica smiled up at her blonde friend with motherly affection, laughing when Betty crouched down to her height. Half an hour later, although Betty would probably tell you it was about five hours later, the pair walked out of the mall, arms laden with bags, all from the same store.

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They finally sat down for lunch at a trendy vegan restaurant, shopping bags surrounding their small table. Their food came quickly and they were just about to start eating when a high pitched voice interrupted them.

"Veronica Lodge, OMG! I didn't know you were back in New York!" A short blonde girl hurried towards them, the amount of shopping bags she was carrying rivalled Ronnie's.

"Zara? It's so good to see you! I thought you guys were in Spain for the holidays." Veronica rushed out of her seat and into Zara's arms, hugging her tightly.

"Just for christmas, we flew in this morning. You know how much I love the shopping in New York." She said, her voice bubbling with excitement.

"Tell me about it. Zara, this is Betty. She's an exchange student from New Zealand and she's staying with me in Riverdale until June." Betty stood up, remembering all of those years of etiquette training her mother had drilled into her.

"IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU," Zara yelled very slowly, over annunciating each syllable.

"It's nice to meet you too," Betty replied, trying to not to laugh at the small girl in front of her.

"Oh, you speak english. I thought maybe you spoke dutch or something." Zara said, unfased by her mistake. She joined them at their table, contributing immensely to their mountain of shopping, and kept the conversation easy until Betty and Ronnie had finished their food. "You girls up for round 2?" Ronnie looked at Betty, waiting or her to answer.

"You two go ahead. I wanted to get in some sightseeing but I'll be fine on my own. I'll text you if I need anything." Betty said, ever the people pleaser. Ronnie thanked her silently before kissing her on the cheek and bouncing out of the restaurant, Zara following right behind as they handed off their shopping to an ever obliging Smithers. Betty chuckled at the sight of them before walking out of the restaurant herself, heading in the opposite direction.

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Juggie: Hope you haven't died from over-shopping. Betty laughed when Jughead's slightly morbid text lit up her phone about an hour after she'd left Ronnie. She'd managed to navigate the subway more a less successfully and then was currently standing in line to go up the Empire State building.

Betts: Not yet. Check back tomorrow and I might have a different answer. They texted back and forth until Betty got to the front of the line, eventually making her way to the elevator and stepping out once it arrived on the top floor.

She was speechless. The whole city was spread out beneath her, the skyscrapers looking like they were a normal size while the rest of the city looked like it was built for ants. She slowly walked along the edge of the fence, trying to soak up every second of the experience. Her phone buzzed in her bag, forcing her to tear her eyes away from the skyline and redirect her attention to the screen where a new text from Jughead waited for her.

Juggie: I love you. She felt unstoppable. Reading those words whilst standing on the top of the world made the butterflies in her chest flutter. Betty turned her back to the city, turning her camera around to take a selfie, the smile on her face bright enough to rival the lights which the city was known for.

Betts: I wish you were here with me

Betts: I love you. It made her so happy to be able to type out those eight letter. Jughead replied almost instantly.

Juggie: I'll be seeing you sooner than you think. She held her phone to her chest, smile still bright as she looked out across New York for one last time before walking back over to the elevator and heading back down to earth.

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Jughead and Betty continued texting for the rest of the afternoon, Betty sending him various photos of herself posing in front of New York landmarks. She ached to see him and sent him a Skype request as soon as she got through the apartment door that evening, making note of Veronica's absence and figuring she probably wasn't going to be back any time soon.

"Hey Betts," Jughead said as he accepted her request.

"Hey Juggie." She was almost breathless at the sight of him, not sure how he could make her feel like this through a computer screen.

"I was just about to order burgers for dinner. Archie's out somewhere and Fred's working late. I don't know why on boxing day but I get the house to myself so I'm not complaining," Jughead said, reaching for the phone to call the number for Pop's he'd memorised a long time ago.

"I think I'm in the mood for pizza. You up for a movie tonight?" She asked, barely able to keep the expectation out of her voice.

"Always, any ideas?"

"I am in New York so I feel like 'West Side Story' is compulsory viewing," Betty said whilst scouring the internet for nearby pizza places. Of course there were a million.

"Not sure if I agree with your reasoning but you've convinced me, West Side Story it is," he said in mock disappointment.

"You've gone soft Jug. Probably just because you love me," she smiled, turning her attention away from her computer to look at him on her phone. His eyes sparkled and they somehow looked deeper than normal. His beanie-less hair was sticking up in all directions, leaving Betty wishing she could run her fingers through it.

"Anything for you Betts." His expression could only be described as loving and Betty had to bite her lip to try and prevent her smile from taking up her whole face. "However, I do have food waiting for me so I'll call you back in 20 minutes, ok?"

"Okey dokey. I'll see you in 20 minutes, not a second later. Love you!" She called out before hanging up the phone, promptly dialing Smithers number.

"Hey Smithers, do you know of any good pizza places nearby?"

"Certainly Ms. Coo-, Betty, I can go and find some for you if you'd like? Any particular toppings?" It had taken almost three months for Smithers to voluntarily call Betty by her first name but it still made her giggle a bit when she heard him struggle with the informality so much.

"Surprise me. That would be amazing thank you. I think it's a pj's and takeout kind night."

"I understand Betty. I'll bring it up to you as soon as possible."

"No rush. Thanks a ton Smithers!" Betty set up the TV and found the movie on Netflix, changing into her pyjamas while she waited for Jughead to call. Her phone started buzzing as soon as she walked back into the living room.

"You ok Jug? You look a bit flushed." Betty stated as soon as his face popped up on the screen, voice laced with concern.

"I'm ... fine ... 20 ... minutes ... isn't ... very ... long." Jughead choked out, breathing heavily.

"Did you run Jug?" Betty asked, trying to stop herself from laughing at his breathlessness.

"Maybe ... I think Pop's has ... gotten further away ... since you've been gone." A giggle slipped from her lips and Jughead laughed along with her, both just happy to be with each other. Smithers knocked politely on the door, handing Betty her pizza before slipping silently back into the elevator.

"Ok, dinner's all set, you ready to start watching?" She asked, the remote already in one of her hands as she reached for a slice of pizza with the other.

"As ready as I'll ever be," he replied, his breathing finally under control. The music for the intro started and Jughead couldn't tear his eyes away from his girlfriend. It wasn't the same as having her with him. He couldn't feel the weight of her lying across him, his arm wrapped around her or running his fingers through her hair. He eventually looked away when he heard the Sharks clicking through the streets of New York, the sound ripping him from his thoughts. They engaged in their usual movie conversations throughout the film, commenting on various things which caught their eye.

Jughead noticed Betty's uncharacteristic silence and looked down at his phone, the sight before him one which he swears made his heart stop. Betty was leaned back against the couch, wrapped up tightly in a blanket with her hair messily falling around her face. Her mouth was hanging slightly open and her soft snores were barely heard over the noise coming from the TV. He let himself look at her for a few more seconds before softly whispering those three small words and ending the call.

Veronica tumbled through the door very early the next morning, or late that night, she's not quite sure. She's greeted by Betty's sleeping figure on the couch, the Netflix menu on the TV, and Jughead's Skype profile on Betty's open laptop. Ronnie couldn't help but think about how the sleeping blonde was going to react when she found out about her surprise tomorrow. The raven haired princess recovered Betty with her blanket, shut down her laptop and the TV, and then walked down the hall to her room, her eyes closing as soon as her head hit the pillow.

27th December

Betty woke up to the sun streaming through the windows, New York already buzzing down below. She got up slowly and decided to make some pancakes, blasting her music in the kitchen while she worked. Veronica stumbled into the kitchen as Betty was taking the last batch out of the pan, fumbling around for her coffee mug.

“Fun night V?” Betty asked.

“How could it not be? Two girls armed with daddy’s credit card, sounds like a recipe for success.” Veronica replied sleepily, filling up her cup carefully. “Care for a stroll in Central Park after breakfast? I think a bit of fresh air will help get rid of this thumping headache I just happen to have accumulated.” The brunette’s eyes twinkled knowingly as she finished her sentence, causing Betty to giggle.

“New York, new Veronica? I thought you hated strolling, and the outdoors, and watching people exercise,” Betty pointed out skeptically, confused as to what had caused Ronnie’s sudden change of heart.

“You never know, maybe we’ll find something more interesting to do along the way.” She took a long sip of her coffee, dismissing Betty’s bewildered look.

“Whatever you say V. As long as it doesn’t involve shopping I’m good with whatever.”

“Speaking of shopping, you should wear something that you bought yesterday. What’s the point in buying it if you’re not going?” Ronnie asked, feigning nonchalance.

“What’s going on V? First you want to ‘go for a stroll’ and now you’re trying to get me to wear nice underwear for said stroll. Is there something going on that I don’t know about?” Betty was completely puzzled at this point and was frustrated that Veronica was being so secretive.

“Only time will tell. Eat up quick, I want to go to the park as soon as possible.” The brunette refused to meet Betty’s eye as they finished their pancakes, Betty’s mind racing with possibilities as to what Veronica could possibly have planned for them at the park. Although she would deny it if Ronnie asked her, Betty put her new baby blue bra and matching underwear on under her winter clothes. Ronnie all but dragged her out the door as soon as she was decent, stilettos clicked hurriedly along the icy pavement. Betty was lead this way and that for about ten minutes until she realised that Ronnie was following the signs to the ice skating rink.

“V, why are we going ice skating? I know how you feel about wearing shoes that other people have worn.” The raven haired princess shuddered at the thought before replying to the girl she was dragging along, a devious smile playing on her lips.

“If things go well, we’ll be doing a lot more than ice skating.”

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A bright smile lit up Betty’s face at the sound of children playing, a sure sign that they were getting close to the ice skating rink. Her curiosity was killing her and she could tell that it was taking everything Ronnie had not to spoil her mysterious surprise. As soon as they rounded the corner the ice came into view, but Betty took no notice. All that she could see was him. Jughead and Archie were leaning against the barrier, chatting animatedly about something, caught up in their own bubble. Betty ran over to them and jumped into Jughead’s arms, hugging him tightly. Jughead reacted in an instant, holding her close and spinning her around.

“I missed you,” she whispered in his ear, melting into him.

“I love you,” he whispered back. She shifted slightly in his arms, moving so she could rest her forehead against his, her green eyes getting lost in the depths of his.

“I love you.” Before he could react her lips were on his, desperate and loving, trying to convey how they felt now that words were no longer enough.

“As adorable as you two are, there are children here,” Veronica pointed out from where she was standing next to Archie. His arm was already wrapped around her shoulder as he placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. Ronnie’s eyes fluttered closed at the sensation, letting herself lean into his chest. Betty pulled back slightly, blue eyes meeting green, giving her a look that made her feel like she was floating. She had thought that reading those words made her feel something but after hearing them fall from his perfect lips, she didn’t think she could ever get enough. Reluctantly, Betty untangled herself from Jughead as he lowered her gently to the ground, her arm staying around his waist as she turned to face Veronica.

“This is incredible V, I can’t believe you did this,” Betty said, her emotions written all over her face.

“Anything for you B, you know that. I think Archiekins and I are gonna head back to the apartment, you guys want to tag along?” Jughead didn’t even check with Betty before replying.

“Thanks Ron but I think we’re gonna walk around a bit, maybe do some sightseeing.” Jughead looked down at Betty with a sly grin and she burst out laughing, remembering all of the strange pictures she had sent him yesterday.

“Ok well we’ll see you guys for dinner? Maybe watch a movie after?” Ronnie asked, taking over Betty’s usual role of organising everyone now that the blonde was too busy staring at her boyfriend.

“Sounds good, see you tonight,” and with that they were off, running away from their friends and deeper into the park, hand in hand, laughs ringing out and masking the sound of the ice skaters beside them. Ronnie watched them go, a small smile on her face as she watched the pair disappear through the trees. The couple stayed like that for a while, holding each other close and watching the snow fall around them, before slowly turning around and strolling off in the other direction.

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As soon as Archie and Ronnie were out of view, Betty and Jughead once again became a tangle of limbs, holding each other so tightly they almost seemed like one person. Jughead’s hands were cupping her face, pulling her into the kiss with everything he had. Her hands mimicked his before running through his hair, knocking his beanie to the ground. Neither of them knew how long they stayed like that, kissing the life out of each other, hands roaming as they pleased. Seconds felt like hours but even the hours weren’t long enough. The snow had stopped falling by the time their lips pulled apart, hugging each other as though they would disappear if they put too much space in between them.

“I love you.”

Their words repeated over like a mantra until their voices turned hoarse from the cold, forcing them to held each other in silence. Silently, they let each other go, hands still joined as their fingers laced together. Jughead leaned down and picked up his beanie, the colour almost black from the dampness of the snow it was half buried under. He tucked it into his pocket, sending Betty that smile which made her heart melt. They slowly made their way out of the park not quite sure of their destination but not really caring.

--------------------

Jughead and Betty spent the whole day running around New York, hand in hand, laughter following them through the bustling streets. They retraced Betty’s steps from the day before, recreating her goofy photos with the camera Jughead had been given for Christmas. He was constantly taking photos of anything that caught his eye; a colourful sign, people caught in conversation, old buildings, Betty. She was somehow completely oblivious to his camera, too caught up in her own little bubble to hear the constant click or notice the lovesick smile on her boyfriend’s face whenever she appeared in his lens. Halfway through the afternoon, Jughead’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

“Can you grab that Betts? I really want to get this shot,” he asked without looking at her, eyes completely focused on the small screen of his camera. A small smile played on her lips at the way he looked when he was completely focused, tongue slightly visible through his pink lips as his fingers fiddled with some buttons. She watched him for a second before digging his phone out of his pocket.

Arch: Ronnie wants to go out tonight so we might not be here when you guys get back. Movies tomorrow night?

“It’s Archie. V’s taking him out tonight so we’ll be all on our lonesome,” Betty relayed, unable to keep her smile from growing at the thought of having the apartment all to themselves. She sent off a quick reply to Archie and was just about to turn it off when something caught her eye. Jughead’s background was the photo she had sent him yesterday, her smiling face looking back at her from the screen, New York filling up the background. SHe stood up on the tips of her toes and softly kissed Jughead on the cheek. He stopped fiddling with his camera and looked down at her.

“What was that for?” He asked, slightly confused by his girlfriend’s sudden display of affection.

“Because I love you,” she replied, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

“I love you.” He leant down to kiss her, slow but quick at the same time. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get tired of say those words,” Jughead confessed, eyes locked on hers.

“Good because I’ll never get tired of hearing them,” Betty said with a cheeky grin, pulling him back in for another kiss, lacing her fingers back through his and leading him through the crowd.

--------------------

They tumbled into the apartment later that evening. Jughead held takeout in one hand and Betty in the other. The two of them promptly collapsed onto the couch, not even bothering to take off their winter coats. Betty leaned against Jughead, closing her eyes for a few seconds.

“You ok Betts? We can just go to sleep if you want,” He suggested, concern leaking into his voice at the sight of his exhausted girlfriend.

“No, I’m fine. It’s just been a busy day,” Betty said, opening her eyes and smiling up at him, adjusting slightly so she could see him better.

“It’s been an amazing day.” His voice sounded soft, his hand squeezing her gently from where it rested on her hip. She snuggled in closer to him, leaning into his chest with her legs lying across his lap.

“It was truly incredible. But now we have to eat, my stomach is getting angry at me,” she commented, making no effort to move from her spot. Jughead chuckled at her response.

“A girl after my own heart,” he quipped, running his fingers through her blonde locks a few times before moving her off his lap so he could grab the food. Betty took off her coat and shoes while she waited for him to return, turning on the TV and scrolling through Netflix. They ate their takeout and watched movies, just like they always did. Betty was so happy that he was here and not on the other side of a screen. She sat as close to him as possible and took every chance she could to touch him; brush his hair out of his eyes, draw small circles on his arm with her thumb, kiss his hand as he held it in hers. Jughead found it adorable how affectionate she got when she was tired. It seemed as if her inhibitions melted away and she was truly herself. He had to fight off a laugh at the end of the movie when he realised she had somehow fallen asleep in what he thought looked like a very uncomfortable position wrapped around him. He was unable to extract himself without waking her up so he gently nudged her shoulder.

“I’m awake, I’m just … resting,” she mumbled, eyes still closed. The chuckle finally escaped his lips as he helped her slowly move to an upright position.

“You ready for bed babe?” He teased, brushing her hair out of her face.

“I like it when you called me babe.” She sent him a sleepy grin which made his heart flutter. God she was beautiful, even with her hair a mess and eyes half closed. He quietly stood up and half carried her down the hall.

“Which bedroom is yours?” Jughead asked when they got to the corridor.

“That one over there,” she pointed to a door about halfway down and Jughead chuckled again. “What’s so funny?’ Betty asked, not sure if she had missed something or if Jughead was just being strange. “Just Ron. That’s the room I stayed in last time I came here with her and she told me I would be in the same room again.” Betty smiled again, not really awake enough to give a proper response.

“Guess you’re stuck with me then.”

“I can think of worse things,” Jughead replied, kissing her nose when she scrunched it up in mock anger. Betty flopped straight onto the bed when they got into the room

“I can’t be bothered moving now,” she admitted, voice muffled by the duvet.

“Come on babe, you can’t sleep in your jeans. Where do your pj’s live?” He asked as he put his bag in the corner.

“Second drawer down. Just grab whatever.” Jughead could hear her voice getting sleepier and moved quickly around the room, grabbing a pair of flannel pj’s before walking over to the bed.

“There you go. Do you want me to wait in the bathroom?” She shook her head before dragging herself off the bed, starting to take off her sweater. Jughead walked calmly over to his bag, pulling out his own pyjamas. By the time he turned around to ask her something, she was only in her bra and undies. He help but stare. She was absolutely breathtaking. He tried to gulp down the lump that was forming his throat, will himself to stay calm but not quite sure how to go about it. Betty noticed him staring and let out a giggle.

“Like what you see?” She teased, a sparkle in her eye that Jughead hadn’t seen before. She walked over to him and he could have sworn it was in slow motion. She wrapped her arm around his neck and kissed him, hard. Where their other kisses had been filled with unspoken promises and loving touches, this was purely instinct. Hands roamed where they pleased and tongues collided, both of them trying to get as much of each other as possible. Jughead’s hands gripped the back of her thighs, pulling her up as she wrapped her long legs around his waist. He carried her the short distance across the room, his body pressed against hers until he carefully lowered her onto the bed.

“Juggie, I really want to carry on but I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open. Is it ok if we continue this later? I’m really sorry,” Betty mumbled into his ear. Jughead could hear the sleep weighing down her voice and had no problem complying.

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he whispered back, content that she felt secure enough around him to tell him how she was feeling. She crawled across the bed and snuggled under the covers, patting the space next to her to encourage Jughead to slide in next to her. He did just that, wrapping his arms around her as her eyes fluttered closed once more.

“Good night Betts,” he murmured into her hair, kissing the top of her head lightly. He took a moment to remember this feeling before closing his eyes to the world and joining her in dreamless slumber.

#exchange romance #bughead #bughead fanfiction #bughead fluff #betty cooper #jughead jones #veronica lodge #archie andrews #hiram lodge #hermione lodge #guess who's finally learnt how to use tumblr

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backtothestart02 · 7 years

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At the Crumbling Castle Gates | 1/?

A/N: My first (and prob only) fic for the The Angel’s Game fandom, a book written by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. This book is a prequel to the original (and my favorite) book, The Shadow of the Wind. There’s also a sequel and there will be one more book to the series (which I’ve titled the ‘Cemetery of Forgotten Books’ series, since that is a constant in each of the books as each story moves from different characters to other in the city of Barcelona where this ‘cemetery’ exists).

If you’re aware of the story, this fic is essentially David and Cristina getting their happy ending as opposed to ending so tragically, both by being torn apart, her dying, and him losing his mind. The book broke me, so this is my fix it fic for it. :P

*posted for Day 7 (still from last month, lol) - previously unpublished WIP - of @wipweek

*Many thanks to @valeriemperez for beta’ing this for me. :P

Chapter 1 -

“Please say something,” Vidal pleaded.

I opened my eyes.

“What is the second thing you were going to tell me?”

I’d never seen Vidal look so frightened. It suited him.

“I’ve asked Cristina to marry me.”

A long silence.

“She said yes.”

Vidal looked down. One of the waiters came over with the starters. He left them on the table wishing us a bon appétit. Vidal did not dare look at me again. The starters were getting cold. After a while I took the copy of The Steps of Heaven and left.

…

My head was pounding. I had adjusted as well as could be done to the tumor eating away at my brain, forever killing me slowly, but it was as if today it had summoned all the other aspects of my life into destroying my spirit too.

I was furious with Vidal, and with Cristina too for her ridiculous sense of obligation that drove her to do the one thing, be with the one person, that would absolutely tear me apart. I should have seen it coming, but it was still so heartbreakingly painful, worse than all the nausea and numbing headaches I’d had to endure for years it seemed.

Really, though, my pain lie with Vidal. Not only had he taken from me the one unattainable love he knew I always held but he was also the cause for my father’s death. He had killed my father even if he had not been the one to pull the trigger. My father was the scapegoat to his frivolous activities. Guilt clearly ate at him to redeem himself somehow. And yet, he gloried in his own victory by punishing me with Cristina and how my lack of investment in the parish was the reason for the failure of the book I’ve poured my heart and soul into.

And his victory wasn’t even his to have.

It felt like a set up. Maybe Cristina didn’t love me at all. Maybe she truly loved Vidal and it wasn’t just this debt she felt she would forever owe to him. Hadn’t she, knowing how I felt about her, urged me to write Vidal’s book? Didn’t she know it would be such a success that Vidal would partially credit her for it? Was the plan to finally get him to go down on bended knee and ask for her hand in marriage?

I couldn’t imagine her being that deceitful. And when I made love to her after her father died, it had felt real. Short-lived, but real. In those moments, on that night, I had treasured her and every touch was forever burned into my memory. I would never forget it.

I never wanted to see either of them again. It was a betrayal, whether intentional or not. The rising tide of anger, hurt and wounded pride threatened to consume me. The pain in my head only added to it.

If there was no closure though, from her, from Cristina, I would never be able to move out of the dungeon my love for her had created around me. So, I went to Villa Helius, because I knew she would be there, waiting for her betrothed to come back to her. The thought made me angrier but at least Vidal wouldn’t be there. I had a feeling he would remain where he was for quite some time, if he truly had ever cared for me at all.

The staff I knew, that I’d seen many times before, saw me as I came through the doors, not waiting to be asked inside, not knocking either. I tried not to look at them but it was hard to block out the pitying looks they gave from out of the corner of my eyes. Whether it regarded Cristina or my failed novel I didn’t know, but if it was both that was all the more reason to move past them as quickly as possible and find the love who had betrayed me when she hadn’t even been mine.

Surprisingly – or maybe not so – I found her in Vidal’s study, staring out the window from the middle of the room. In other instances when I might have been thinking clearly, I would have found it odd. But I was hurt and broken and masking my fury, so I did not spare more than a second’s thought on the small observation.

I dropped my book on the floor, my signature inside as Vidal had requested. It was more of a mocking insult than anything else, though only my name had been scribbled on the inside cover. I had written it angrily and knew she would see that when she opened the book that only Sempere had deemed valuable enough to sell. Of that I was sure.

The loud sound of the book dropping to the floor startled her. She jumped in her seat and turned to look at me. Her breath caught in her throat.

“David,” she breathed. The surprise and alarm in her face quickly turned to sadness and maybe even a hint of fear. Because she knew that I knew, and she pitied me.

“There is your damn book. Signature and all,” I spat. Her eyes widened. “Your fiancé requested I give it to you as one last mocking gesture. I came around to it, because I have to know if it’s true.”

She swallowed and nodded slowly, tears filling her eyes that I chose to ignore. Because she needed to hurt. She needed to feel the pain I was feeling. I had to see that it was real for her. That it was hurting her to betray me like she was and that it wasn’t intentional like I had feared.

“You and Vidal are…?” I couldn’t finish it, but the lump visible in her throat answered the question for me. “My own mentor, the only father figure I’ve ever really had, who apparently is also the reason my real father is dead. This is the person you choose to marry.”

For the first time she spoke.

“You know I had to, David. I couldn’t say no.”

“Because he owns you? Like some sort of slave?” I spat. I knew the words she’d rehearsed before me, her deepest beliefs. They were my beliefs too, but I had never felt quite as strongly as she did. After all, I had paid my gratitude in full by writing him his damned best seller and suffering the poor reviews of my own work of art.

She stood to her feet. “What greater form of gratitude is there than being his wife? Doing whatever he wishes? Being his true and loyal companion? It is all I could have asked for. By doing this I am free of worrying I have to do anything else. My debt has been paid. Or, it soon will be.”

“Your debt isn’t paid. You’re a prisoner in this, unless of course you truly love him.”

She hesitated and I feared the worst, despite how angry I was. Her honesty almost hurt worse but it did give some relief.

“Not the way I love you.”

I closed my eyes.

“But you know we can never be. Vidal owns us. This is my payment to finally be free.”

I stepped closer to her, closing the distance between us.

“But you aren’t free. And how can you request my name inside my book that has failed to meet the standard of Vidal’s wonderful work of art? Sending Vidal to do your bidding because you can’t face me? You must have known I’d come.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I thought you would make it a point to never see me again. I thought you would hate me, that you could never forgive me.”

I wanted to tell her that I didn’t, that I couldn’t, but my heart told me I’d sooner forget about her than not forgive her, if she truly wanted forgiveness.

I looked away from her to a blank spot on the far side of the room. How many times had I sat here with Vidal, discussing my future and the very essence of life? He had been my best friend, my mentor, my father for the greater part of my life. And tonight he had destroyed everything.

“Vidal did a great thing for us, pulling us out of our poverty. We would not be where we are today without that significant act of charity.”

She swallowed and nodded silently, looking down at the floor and my discarded book.

“But you are your own person, Cristina. If you told Vidal today, now, that you love me and not him—”

“I would regret it forever,” she said, suddenly very passionate.

“Really?” I whispered. “Would marrying me instead of your rescuer be so terrible?”

“David…” she lost any words that could come to her, so I closed the small space still between us and held her face in my hands.

“I have loved you, Cristina, since before I truly understood what love was. Vidal may love you, but it can’t possibly match what I feel. Your paid debt of gratitude to him will not keep you happy forever.”

She closed her eyes.

“Please, Cristina…” I lowered my face and pressed a kiss to her lips. She did not retreat but she did not respond either. “Give me this,” I whispered. “All I want is you.”

“No.” She shook her head. “No, David, I can’t.” Her voice broke. “And you know why.” A tear streamed down her cheek. “I am the one thing you cannot have.”

The stubborn words did not stick with me like they had every time before. Instead I lowered my head again and kissed her. She protested at first, but then she sunk into the kiss and matched my intensity. Soon her hands were in my hair and when I tore my lips away to kiss down her neck, I could feel the tears trickling down her skin.

“This is wrong. I cannot…I can’t do this.” She tried to push at my shoulders but it was a feeble attempt and her pushing hands soon curled around my shoulders as her nails dug into the fabric of my shirt.

I raised my head.

“You do not belong to him,” I said, my eyes hot with lust and love. “Whatever you think you owe him has been paid in full already. Don’t do this too. It will only hurt him more when he realizes over time that you do not love him.”

Her lips parted. “Da—”

“Come with me,” I begged, because leaving her now seemed a worse fate that death in a matter of months. “Don’t leave me to die alone.”

Despite the normalcy my final statement could have been, I knew she sensed the urgency in them and not just because I wanted her to myself.

“David?”

I swallowed.

“David.”

“I will not tell you,” I said, because I’d sworn I wouldn’t tell anyone. “And perhaps that alone should be reason for me to leave you alone forever.”

Her expression furrowed into worry.

“Please tell me,” she requested softly. I could hear the desperation in her feather-like voice. She let her eyes drift to my chest where she lay her hand over my heart. “It is not only Vidal I worry about.” She lifted her eyes to mine and I knew then I would tell her.

“I have only months to live.” Her eyes widened and her hand dropped from my chest so that we were no longer touching at all. “I do not know how, but there is a growth on my brain that is untreatable. I went to a doctor five months ago and he told me.”

She nearly collapsed onto the chair on which she’d been sitting when I first walked into the room.

“Does…does Vidal—”

“No,” I said instantly. “And I don’t want him to. I’ve told no one. This last year of my life I wanted to use to do something worthy of you, to write a book I could be proud to show you. One that you would not look disdainfully at for the small profit it gave me and where my heart was not present.”

“David,” she choked, sobs suddenly taking her over. I knelt beside her instantly and tried to hold her but within moments she pushed me away and stood to her feet, walking towards the window, seeking fresh air.

“How can you do this to me?” she demanded finally. “How can you make me choose between the two of you?” I said nothing, though guilt now started to settle in me. I had not meant to trap her like this. “I do not know which I would regret more, leaving you alone to die a miserable death or remain true to Vidal because of what he has done for me, for both of us. I could throw myself out this window right now just to be relieved of all the pain you have just caused me.”

The anger inside me dissipated, as it always did when I saw her in pain.

I came to her.

“Forgive me,” I said. She was shaking but I dared not touch her again. “I have been suffering so long on my own, I forgot how it looked to watch you experience the same thing. I do not wish to compromise you in this way. Not like this.”

She kept her face turned away and so I retreated, picked up my book, set it on the table and took my leave.

……………

When I returned late that evening, grateful for the bed I was soon to collapse on, there was a knock on the door only moments after I’d stepped inside. I did not dare to hope she would be coming here at this hour. Hope was a foolish thing for me to dwell on. It did not serve me well, especially today.

But I returned to the entryway and opened the large wooden door. And there she stood, as beautiful as before and with drying tears still staining her cheeks.

I stood there in silence, waiting. Finally she crossed the threshold and lifted her face to mine, pulling me into a kiss that I savored for as long as it would last.

“Tell me,” I whispered when her lips left mine.

“It’s not pity,” she told me. “It’s not pity that I come to you now. I do not choose you because of your …” she swallowed, “your short time left. I choose you because I love you.”

My lips parted. I knew it was not all truth. The revelation of my illness had changed her mind.

“I left Vidal. I told him my heart was with you.”

“Did you tell him—”

She shook her head. “I leave that for you.”

I did not know what to say.

“David…” She stroked the side of my face tenderly. “Tell me you still love me.”

My gaze became fixated on hers. “I still love you,” I said, almost robotically, but I meant every word.

“Tell me you will have me…if…if only for a short while.”

“I will have you forever,” I said, the emotion back in my voice as I claimed her lips once more and then pulled her inside.

Hours later when we lay spent and twisted together on my bed I heard her whisper softly against my skin.

“We will find a way to save you,” she said. I knew then that she loved me, and that was why she came. Pain arced through me then, almost unbearably so, because when we lost each other it would break her and even the comfort Vidal might give her wouldn’t heal her broken heart.

So I nodded numbly against her. There had to be a way. Our love couldn’t end like this.

I closed my eyes and went to sleep, praying she would not vanish like she had done so many times before.

*Also available on AO3 and FFnet.

#WIP week #david x cristina #backtothestart02 fanfiction #the angel's game #at the crumbling castle gates #chapter 1 #the shadow of the wind #the cemetery of forgotten books

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evangelineartemiasamos · 7 years

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Red Queen Fan Fiction Black Storm Extra: Harvest Moon part I

as I’ve mentioned in this post, this is the continuation of The Fitter.

Find this on wattpad

info dump on original characters you will need this I guess.

part I

part II

part III

part IV

part V

part VI

part VII

part VIII

part IX

part X

part XI

part XII

part XIII

part XIV

part XV

part XVI

part XVII

part XVIII

part XIX

part XX

I've put this piece together finally. I've tried to include some canon characters to make it make relatable, but it's mostly about my original characters. I'll write a second part that will go to the really dark places of Cassie’s heart. A great literary classic is referred to at some points and if you know the book, you might guess which one.

I promise you, no King’s Cage spoilers in here.

Cassandra POV

I've been called many names. I prefer Queen of Limbs, for the sheer audacity of it, but I remember the other ones very well too.

Commoner. Bastard. Bitch. Sometimes even worse names.

There are still people who call me those names, but I smile and shrug them off nowadays, gestures I've learned form my Mother early on. Be stoic or smile. I know better than to be offended by things that are true, I remind myself. I don't have to be ashamed. The power is with me, not them. They can't hurt me, they can't make me scared, and I've been beyond fear and intimidation for a long time.

I am afraid of nothing.

The reason for this is simple: Shit has happened to me, too often and too bad, and yet I have survived and persisted. Most of these unsavoury experiences were my own damn faults, rooted in several bad decisions I've made again and again. Besides that one event, of course, but that's an entirely different story.

Now I look at Mare Barrow, fractured and taking all the blame in the world on herself and I wonder if we should share our stories to determine the not-winner in making bad decisions. I waive the thought with a smirk. That would be just another dangerous idea of mine. "Give her some chance of socializing, Miss Griffey," the king has told me, adressing me like commoner and not as an officer of his, as usual. But the longer I spend time with her, the harder it becomes not to see myself in her. Our wounds may be different, but they are still present. Invisible to those who've never felt them, but festering if ignored and untreated.

She has given me other names - Monster, beast, dog. I'm not injured, as those are other true facts, and I prefer people to be scared of me.

I can't hate such a person as Mare Barrow. I can't bring myself to hate any Reds, not when it's Silvers who have marginalized and ridiculed me half my life. Though one Red was just like them, or even worse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Samson Merandus waits a day before he storms into my room at night, grinning. I only turn my head on his entry, saying nothing. "You've promised me a bout, Cassandra," he drones eventually.

"In here?" I tease. "Hmm, what kind of bout do you have in mind, I wonder?" I know he's angry about me dragging him out of Barrow's cage, despite the royal order to keep him out of her head. But he doesn't admit it. Instead, he takes it out on me who has defeated him numerous times at our First Friday duels. It's a good training, for both of us, but I'm not sure the audience can gather much from our matches that take place mostly in out minds. Who gains control? Who strikes first? Who can block the opponent better? Samson can't make me use my ability according to his wishes which gives me an advantage, but he can make me freeze nonetheless, hoping to use my weapons against me and letting me sink into my own nightmares.

But I don't have nightmares, not anymore. And I won't ever me afraid of myself.

"Interesting that you bring this up, Cassandra," Samson says, coming closer. He touches a tress of my hair and I shudder in disgust. That's not his place. I spin around, shoving him back so fast that he almost drops on his butt.

I tilt my head. "If you insist."

Our minds clash like rain in a storm, spiralling in my head, searching for my fears and wishes. I show him what he wants to see, facts that he's known for a long time, that make him believe his toxic desire for me has any hope for fulfillment. I don't try to use my ability on him, that close to my mind he would probably notice it. Instead, I kick into his stomach and sent him flying. But I've been too slow tonight. He manages to gain control of my body as I rotate, erasing the next seconds from my memory. I hear myself groan and I find myself beneath him, pinned on my bed. He laughs.

"What about another kind of bout?" he sneers.

My eyes narrow. "No."

"But Cassandra, I know -"

"You don't want me. Not for real. You're ashamed of desiring me, because the whole court would laugh at you if you were to 'love' the barren commoner girl. Instead you want to vanquish me, making me your puppet and your harlot, to show that all your prior losses were intentional. You can't stop seeking me out, not while I am the better of the two of us, not when I've shared a bed with so many other men, who you deem lesser that yourself."

"I dare you," he threatens, but it means nothing to me.

"I could kill you in a second, and you know it." I manage to shrug despite my fixed position. My mind attacks his body, stinging into five different, sensitive places. He grimaces, and I cackle. "What? Don't tell you are afraid of me? You know what that means." His grip lessens, and with another wave of power and a shove with my knee, he gets off me, even taking a few steps back.

"Oh my," I purr, "How can you ever defeat me if you fear me? All you have against me are my own fears, and well. I don't have any." I shake my head as he regains his composure.

"Too bad the king has so much use for you. I'd love to see your dying face," I gloat.

I see a vein twitching on his brow. "I will get to Barrow, sooner or later. Don't think you can command me," he exclaims, trying to dodge the discussion we've had a moment ago. He slams the door even louder than upon entering.

I sigh, sinking to my knees. I brush over the new wrinkles in my dress. No reason not to go to the party as planned. Even though they always feel lonely and boring, with Firebird away at Corvium, and no boyfriend to attend it with me. Lucas Samos has been the last one. I broke up with him in June, and now he is dead. I mourn his demise. At least he shouldn't have died with heartache, even though my feelings for him never equaled his for me. And maybe I would've been able to protect him from the dangerous company of Mare Barrow. But I'm not any better, am I? I cannot but feel impressed my her.

I command the Lightning Girl out of my head and look at Mother's portrait on the wall, painted by my brother Roman. He's better than all those jerks at court, myself included. He has an artist's soul, and he uses his seer ability to create things. Such as this picture, capturing our mother not in her beautiful youth, or her arrogant glory, but in her frustration, sinking down in her chair behind her desk, her face fallen and frowning. It's one of the truest and most beautiful things I've ever seen, at least in Whitefire Palace.

I shake my head and rise. I walk to the mirror, combing though my disheveled hair and look into my mismatched eyes, black and silver, contemplating my features. Cattish, angular, and pale, so unlike anyone else in my family. They remind everyone that I am not like my mother and brothers, that I'm not a noble but a mistake with mud-coloured hair. I've heard a lot of gossip and insults directed at me, some people have even made up the dirtiest rumours about who might be my father, although our similar appearance belies all those ideas instantly. Naturally, those Silvers have never laid eyes on my father, a commoner musician. Even though we meet rarely, I listen to his songs, to forget those nonsense I hear from the courtiers, which I will certainly encounter on this evening.

Before I turn away, I throw a glance at the sentinel's masklike helmet resting on my vanity. It reflects my features almost as clearly as the mirror. I smile grimly. I've realized my decision to join the sentinels wasn't a good idea the moment I've held the helmet in my hands for the first time. I have to wear that mask to turn myself into a faceless, anonymous threat. I've guessed that made sense, but I've learned better quickly. It's not about being a terror to eventual enemies to the throne, this is about the sentinels themselves, about me and my very own existence.

The mask is to hide my face and my true identity. It is to veil my birth and who I am. A sentinel is a puppet on strings and the idea fills me disgust, now and then. I've swallowed my resentment time and time again, to become the soldier the king wants, since I've been thirteen. My ability was developing quicker than usual, and the training as a royal guard seemed like the most logical way to lift me up from my commoner status.

My powers had shown themselves early, when I was five years old. That might have been the nail in my coffin. Despite the Arven diviner, an old man able the determine a Silver's ability, who had proclaimed me a telky as a baby, my mother must have continued to hope that I'd be like her, a shadow. Inheritance of the maternal talent wasn't that rare in her bloodline. I would still have been a bastard, but a noble one, a daughter bearing the name of House Haven. But I was a commoner telky like my dad, to be forever belittled for that. So be it. That didn't make me a failure by itself. I noticed that though I was weaker than the noble telkies, I was the better fighter in all other aspects. Because they were all idiots. While I developed the most subtle control of my ability and learned everything about the human body to kill and hurt with few strikes, the scions of House Provos had no fucking idea how to employ their ability in the most effective way. They made a huge show out of it instead. I could still laugh at them. They didn't use weapons, or the objects around them, but their minds alone. They heaved their oppenents into the air, expecting the confusing lack of gravity to be startling enough to make them yield. As if.

I've honed my mind and my body into fatal weapons. Any matter owned allegiance to me. I am the Queen of Limbs and I've obtained that nom du guerre with sweat, blood and more broken bones than I can count. Bones of me and others. I've faced the goddess of death and survived.

Though my military career would have been only part of the plan. The easiest way would have been to get some noble to marry me, so I'd give birth to his heir, and possibly have a child with my own ability. My mother would go begging to the king to legitimate me and I would become the foundress of the High House Griffey.

What an awfully naive dream.

By now, I appreciate the impossibility of that ever happening, of being barren instead of a broodmare. I had to find my worth within myself, in my strength, my ability and my perseverance. Through my compassion and blatant ignorance of the opinion of others. I am the better me this way. And the man I love can't have children with me anyway. A Red and a Silver can't have children together, so it's said, and it isn't like such relationships are accepted in the Nortan court. That's what I've thought, at least.

But honestly, I don't give a damn about that. I've done that once, and look where that has gotten me. I excel at making bad decisions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the story of Cassandra Griffey who wants her boyfriend back but who doesn't dare to tell him that as she was the one to break up with him because her mum has told her to and she has obliged - what a fool - and either way, he has been dating her cousin in the meantime - five years - while she, Cassandra, has, well, been fucking around with enough guys to be known as a harlot.

This sums it up quite accurately, It's what I tell myself when I doubtand wish. Not that it helps. Reminding myself of those facts only binds me tighter in an unbearable situation. While this also means to disregard numerous other, beautiful memories. Like love. Like talking to the person who knows your secrets because you don't have to hide them from him like from everyone else. Like not even needing to talk in some moments because our intimacy is bigger than our rifts. Breaking up with Sorata Ives left me in a abyss. But he's always, always on my mind. I am him, and I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've known Sorata Ives for as long as I can remember. Meaning, I saw him for the first time when I was about three years old, as were he and Lacey. She was still "Lacey" at that time, not "Firebird". Sorata was the one who came up with that. Back then, Mother and her brother Jin Ventos, Lacey's father, had brought Sorata's mother Mrs. Ives to Jin's mansion. Jin and Mother have spent a lot of time together in our childhoods, as Jin's wife had just died and the idea of letting their daughters grow up together seemed more than merely practical. Which is was, as my cousin and I were fast friends, as we are until now, despite all the strains challenging our connection.

When she was little, Lacey looked even more like a bird, with her aquiline nose, her delicate limbs, and her black hair shimmering like unruly feathers in flight. Of course she sang back then, too, as she always had. Her father thought music was the right way to distract her from her mother's demise, and he and Mother recognized Mrs. Ives, whom they had seen performing in a high class etablishment, to be the perfect teacher. I guess that was true, but after a few years, Mrs. Ives gave less and less of her time to the Ventos', and started to cling to my mother. Something dark and strange connected them and they saw it in each other. Nowadays, Mrs. Ives follows Mother like a living shadow, a beautiful flower blooming at night. She appears like the most loyal servant and I wonder if there's more to that, as it's certainly not love.

But, back to the beginning. Soon, Mrs. Ives started to live with us in the Ventos country home, a Silver vacation far off from the cities but frequented by the high-and-mighty. The Red had brought her son along, of course.

He was just as little as Lacey and me. He should have stayed with the servants, for a ton of reasons. But he didn't. He looked at Lacey and me and smiled. Where we went, he came with us. He played what we played and we didn't ask questions, not as long as nobody else did. And they did not, which might have been to their chagrin in hindsight. Naturally, our nannies Ellen and Laura were more occupied with my disabled brother Hagen, unless we had any lessons of which Sorata didn't stay away either. Mother spent most of ther quality time with Roman, her eldest and obvious favourite, while giving me my cuddlings on an almost regular schedule. Not that I felt unloved by her. But I was still the outsider, like Sorata who clinged to me just like Lacey who had a desperate need for a friend.

I couldn't leave either to their own devices, I never could. And Sorata didn't let go of either of us. There were barely any other children, apart from my much older brothers, and those brought along by their Silver parents were usually way too old to bother with girls in our age. They probably didn't even notice, in their smugness of being deemed reasonable enough to accompany their parents to the conferences in Jin's hotel, that the daughters of the house were best friends with a Red boy.

But we had no idea that this wasn't the way for Silver children to grow up. We were cuddled and spoilt, and encouraged to seek hobbies and education instead of being broken like horses. I know now that neither my mother nor my uncle could stand harshness, even though they were strict in their own ways. Until I was nine years old, I saw Mother only on weekends or whenever she found the time to visit the country home. Much less I'd seen my father, removed from our home when I was six months old.

But my mother and my uncle were different nonetheless. They'd grown up with a mother suffering from manic-depression, and they were well aware of the difference between having power and feeling powerless, and the truth that you could be both at the same time. Even more so after my aunt had died.

People say that I'm just a mistake of my mother. But she has never made me feel that way. Whenever I've thought myself worthless, it's been my own insecurity, a state my mother is loath to encourage. She wants me to be happy. Thus, she merely smiled, an honest amusement for instance, when she observed us kids.

One day, I threw foliage into the air for Lacey to incite. I kept the fiery leaves afloat, surrounding her, so she truly looked like a burning bird in flight as she either sang or laughed, until Sorata stated the obvious.

"You're the Firebird," he said, in awe of our abilities, and the name stuck. Sorata and I called Lacey nothing else for a week, until our servants and single parents noticed this and agreed with smiles in their eyes.

Hagen had known of the name before, of course. That evening, he whispered to me to come closer. He brushed my arm as he said, "I could barely wait to start calling her Firebird, too." He was unable to see my bafflement, but he must have guessed. He shrugged and the amusement fell from his face. He was 14 then, and frustration ruled him. Still does. Some Silvers regarded him as less than a commoner, like a different kind of Red, but they still craved his ability, gazing into the dreams of people that showed him the past, present and, if he wished, the future. Only our mother gathered intelligence from him, apart from what he chose to tell us, his family and friends. As far as I knew, he didn't resent his ability itself. But it was what made him blind. Some part of his brain was different, the healers had claimed, the same part that created the visions of the usual Eagrie eyes. It was nothing they could handle, and I wasn't not sure that Hagen even wanted that on most days, as blindness was all he knew. Sometimes Mother blamed herself and Edward, Hagen's deceased father. It was known that shadows and eyes were complementary powers, like burners and nymphs. Powers that clashed, and their union created something new, though not to Hagen's benefit. But Mother would ruin anyone who dared to accuse her or insult her son.

He had to deal with his disabilty by himself, still. And he was loath to be treated like anyone less than we were. He laughed when he thought of his sister and cousin being best friends with a Red boy. Silver attitudes meant nothing to him, and I guessed his dreams revealed to him enough secrets to realize the cesspit the Nortan court truly was.

In hindsight, we lived in our very own paradise of rocks and valleys, of heath and hot springs. There was a wilderness inside of us that always craved for more, a yearning that could not be stilled by anything other that the purity and peace of nature itself and the lights we saw in each other.

That's nostalgia, of course. But I didn't forget the face of my visting uncle Henry when he saw Sorata and me, covered in dirt and scratches all over our bodies. Distaste. I forgot what we had done, not after my uncle scolded his brother and sister for their neglect of their daughters. His apprehension had to be based in fear, I think now, as Henry, a gay man, wasn't himself the epitome of Silver conformity. Jin and Mother just shrugged, in the end. No one told Mother what to do.

Yet soon came the time that Lacey, my brothers and I were required to accompany her to court, to gather the useful connections, that meant potential spouses, and proper friends in the meantime. As if those courtiers could be called friends. They never treated me as such, of course, and Firebird would not be friends with anyone but me or Sorata. To her, being a lady and the heir to her house meant turning her debut a fashion show. If the others nobles were superficial, she would be even more so, giving away nothing of herself. She was even better than Mother in that game of pretending and fake smiles.

Though it wasn't a game for Sorata and his mother. They worked as Mother's assistants in the secret service which she leaded in all but name as the department was naturally headed by the mindfucker Merandus Queen. They were lackeys, wearing a livery and Red fabrics to display their status. Any close contact with Sorata turned both him and me into targets. Me for sneers, him for punishments. I would've liked to distribute some punishments on my own, but that was for later.

I endured the pretends, the taunts and the lies for a few years, slowly realizing my ability was the only attribute I had to offer to promote myself. I saw other Silver children dragged of to the Lakelands war, the same arrogant little boys and girls who had hit me just a days ago, or the crown prince who was just a week older than me. Their bragging vanished from their faces the moment they recognized the significance of becoming soldiers. They would represent their familes, they would gather medals and victories and they were truly and utterly horrified by that prospect. They tried to hide it, but it was undeniable upon their return that they weren't children any longer. They had tasted blood for the first time. And so did I, in my twelth summer. It was Mother's glorious idea, a thrust far off from the known battle lines at the choke to stab the Lakelanders in their heartland.

"We could end this," she declared to me proudly and I knew what she meant. I hated it at court, yet I would not leave like a coward, or start living my estranged father. To be honest, I wanted power and strength, like all Silvers, if only to live by my own rules. I was twelve years old and promises of changing the world for good were all I wanted to hear.

"Then I will do as you command, Mum. I'll fight your battle."

What a fool I was.

Commentary:

These two gif capture Cassandra just perfectly.

That is the first part. The book I'm referring to is "Wuthering Heights". At first, I went for a fairy tale retelling with Lacey as Snow White and Cassandra as Cinderella falling in love with a stable boy instead of the prince, but after watching another terrible film adaptation of "Wuthering Heights", I realized that, verdammte Axt, Catherine, Heathcliff and Isabella are my own babies Cassie, Sorata and Firebird - to a part of course. Firebird is as Isabella should have been. Thus I started to make the references more obvious. And savage. I think I've stayed to true to a first person narrator by giving Cassandra such a unique voice shifting between elaborate and foul-mouthed expressions.

I hope you understand the story. Ask me if you don't get something, I love to talk. I struggled a lot with putting the parts together and finding the right tense at the right moments. Sorry that I use Lucas like that, but it helps me to insert canon characters instead of making everyone up.

@maudthebookeater @queenmareena @dewydrael @lilyharvord @redqueenfandom @the-little-lightning-queen

#red queen #red queen fan fiction #red queen fanfiction #black storm #cassandra griffey #original character #wuthering heights #harvest moon #king's cage fan fiction #queen of limbs #sorata ives #charlotte haven #lacey ventos #my fan fiction #angst #samson merandus

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baekhyunsahoe · 6 years

Text

pt 1 revised

“HOT GRILL!”

Chanyeol presses himself into the wall corner as a server passes through with a steaming iron plate in tow. He can feel the heat radiate right against his apron clad crotch and he holds back a whimper.

Whoever said working at EXO Korean BBQ house was easy clearly lied. Then again no one told him that. It’s Chanyeol’s fourth day as a runner and one thing he’s learned is that the floor is definitely a battlefield, a dimly illuminated in blue lights battlefield with each table armed with tongs and scissors as they throw their raw meat of choice onto the circular grill and watch it sizzle as the smoke rises and engulfs half the restaurant with fumes from the all-you-can-eat Korean barbeque goodness. They dine like kings seated upon white leather seated booths, employees their bitches for the night as they yell their order left and right. It’s loud in there after all. Deafening decimals of the top 40 booming, or when it’s near closing, trap music. It’s busy. Completely overwhelming. Chanyeol’s never really been too coordinated to begin with. He finds himself on his toes every second.

Upon finally deeming it safe to remove himself from becoming one with the side station, he finds the lapse in his judgment too late and nearly crashes into another coworker decked out in the all black button up collared dress shirt they all have to wear. BAEKHYUN, his name tag reads. He’s a rather pretty little thing with kohl rimmed eyes and soft looking dyed blonde hair. But then –

“Say corner next time,” he hisses, shoving Chanyeol deliberately with a bony shoulder.

“Got it,” Chanyeol winces with a pained smile. Sheesh.

Six more hours to go…

His break comes as a small miracle in life. It’s basically closing when Suho, the manager, pulls him aside, floor plan in hand.

“Go on your thirty.”

Chanyeol nods. He ignores his reflection staring back at him in the spectacles of the polite well-mannered yet just as aggressive as everyone else manager. He knew he looked like a hot mess, oil spills on his shirt and apron. What once was a youtube tutorial attempt at an updo probably a chaotic mop of hair on top of his head, black bangs sweaty and his forehead shiny with gel. You could honestly cook some Korean bbq on his face by this point… for free.

The fresh air of the outside world feels like heaven. Chanyeol takes a deep breath. It was dark out, and it’s probably way colder than it feels, but the restaurant is a nonstop overheated smoky pit of bulgogi and kalbi fumes, making the temperature outside beyond refreshing in comparison.

Chanyeol’s feet are killing him even as he sits on curb. The parking lot is still full and he sees customers walking in despite them basically reaching closing time. This establishment never turns away anyone though, so even at 11 o clock they accept business with open albeit aching arms.

It must be the longest time he hasn’t touched his phone in one day. He pulls it out of his backpack and sees a few snaps from Jongin. The fool’s drinking while studying for midterms. Chanyeol shakes his head a small smile on his face when he hears a loud bang from the kitchen back door behind him.

Out comes Baekhyun, apronless for once. Chanyeol’s never seen him without the apron, and he can’t help but check out his figure, tight black slacks hugging his noticeably shapely hips and slim thighs. He forces himself to look up before he becomes known as a creeper.

“Hi.” He greets somewhat scared because Baekhyun wasn’t exactly the friendliest person on the planet.

“What.” Baekhyun snaps at the same time he pulls a personal bottle of what looks like Hennessey from who knows where. He chugs it as Chanyeol blinks in shock and mild amazement. What a baddie.

“Um.”

“Are you gonna snitch?” Baekhyun drawls but shows no fear. His pink lips are wet. The light from the back of the building highlight him in an almost dramatic way. “Or did you want some?”

Chanyeol seriously goes over his options for a second. Accept and be a badass or refuse and basically write pussy BITCH on his forehead.

“Yeah sure.”

He gets up to his full height of 6 feet 2 inches. Baekhyun looks up at him and it’s the first time Chanyeol feels like he’s actually being seen as a person instead of a runner noob.

Baekhyun looks impressed himself, handing him the personal.

Chanyeol chugs it mindlessly trying hard to be cool but damn near chokes when he remembers how disgusting Hennessey was when warm and worse, no chase. He’s trying not to grimace but the laugh that comes out of Baekhyun’s mouth confirms his failure. He cant help but feel a little good about himself that he got Baekhyun to laugh though, or maybe it was the hot alcohol going down his throat and his body reacting immediately after not eating for almost 12 hours.

“Thank you.” Chanyeol breathes, wiping at his mouth. Baekhyun takes another swig killing the little bottle.

“You owe me.” Is all he says with a handsome smirk before walking back in leaving chanyeol buzzed and suddenly feeling the cold.

By the time he’s over Baekhyun’s laugh, his thirty is up.

-----

“Hey.”

Chanyeol’s grabbed roughly by the arm, no introduction no explanation, and dragged to section one – the godforsaken high-tops near the host stand.

Baekhyun lets go but not before shoving a broom and dustpan into Chanyeol’s hands.

“Clean my section for me,” Baekhyun orders, looking up at Chanyeol with an expectant look of sorts.

“Uh,” Chanyeol starts.

“It’s simple. Degrease the bowls, degrease the tables, sanitize it, sanitize the chairs and chair legs, wipe down the light and wooden panels, then sweep and mop the floor,” Baekhyun lists and Chanyeol has to seriously wonder if Baekhyun even knew what the word ‘simple’ meant. Before he can dwell too long Baekhyun finishes with a passive aggressive, “You owe me remember?”

Wow. Baekhyun really came to collect within an hour time frame. Is that how it was at this place?

“Okay,” Chanyeol agrees accepting his fate. That miniscule shot of heem wasn’t worth it to be honest. Like Chanyeol was buzzed for twenty minute then it went away.

Baekhyun steps closer. “Are you mad?”

“No!” Chanyeol splutters.

“Good,” Baekhyun smiles with satisfaction. “Don’t forget to do the set up. Plates, napkins, chopsticks.” Baekhyun retreats to the side station in two steps and comes back with a utensil in each hand. “Scissors and tongs. Got it?”

“Okay,” Chanyeol nods feeling tired already.

“Have a good night,” Baekhyun trails off, squinting at Chanyeol’s nametag. “Chanyeol.” He adds as if acknowledging Chanyeol indeed had a name makes the situation any better. Hearing him say his name did send a strangely delightful chill up Chanyeol’s spine though. “Bye.”

He leaves without wasting another second.

Chanyeol sighs, staring at the mess that is section one. Other people already look halfway done with their cleaning. Loud ratchet music is blasting from the speakers and everyone seems to be chilling but Chanyeol doesn’t know anyone and it seems people here aren’t too interested in getting to know fresh meat.

He gets to work, pulling on gloves after finally locating where they were stored to begin with. He regrets not bringing his earphones because the trap playlist was really not what he needed right now.

It’s been half an hour and he’s only on grill number two at table eleven. Chanyeol’s not sure if he’s slow af and sucks at this or if everyone else were just born with god given grill cleaning talent. It was probably a little of both.

He senses someone’s presence behind him right when he sees a shadow loom onto the table.

“Ha.”

Chanyeol turns around curious as to who decided to give him the time of day.

It’s a tall boy. He looks young with gaunt facial features and a big nose, but a baby face. He’s pretty cute like all the servers, Chanyeol guesses they all had to be attractive to work here however shallow that sounds. This particular staff member’s sleepy eyes are full of amusement and his black hair rocks high school style bangs making him look even younger.

“Yes?” Chanyeol prompts unsurely as the guy proceeds to just linger.

“He better be paying you for that,” he says.

Chanyeol finally notices his nametag – Sehun, it reads.

“What do you mean,” Chanyeol asks slowly.

“Baekhyun. Making you his bitch and all. Cleaning his section and stuff,” Sehun flicks a piece of kalbi bone off the table. “He should tip you out for it.”

“Oh.” Chanyeol doesn’t know why but his face burns at this. Is he really Baekhyun’s bitch? Why did he strangely have no problem with that? He shakes his head, “No it’s cool. I owed him a favor.”

“Already?” Sehun looks genuinely surprised. “You’ve barely been here twenty four hours.”

“It’s my fourth shift actually.”

“Exactly.” Sehun purses his lips as he nods. “Tell you what. I’ll help you clean once I’m done with my section but only if you personal run for me tomorrow.”

“Personal run?”

“Yeah. Wait do you even work tomorrow?”

Chanyeol thinks for a moment, summoning a mental image of his schedule into his mind. “Yeah.” He confirms. “Four to close.”

“Perfect! It’s busy on Saturdays and Suho doesn’t break me til 12am that fuck,” Sehun pouts a little. “I definitely need a runner if I want to make decent take home.”

Chanyeol’s never run for anyone before, mainly floor running with no designated server to attend to. Picking up empty plates off tables and clearing the expo line until it was time to go home. He still hasn’t mastered the art of carrying two trays which is pretty pathetic seeing as he is one of the taller workers and should be swole. Coming out with one tray looks sad.

“I’m down. I’ll be your runner,” Chanyeol confirms with finality and a genuine smile. Alas, someone was treating him like one of humankind!

Sehun grins back at him. “Sweet. I’ma teach you all you need to know.”

“Gee thanks!”

“I gotchu,” Sehun does the finger gun thing. “Baekhyun’s gonna be so jealous.” He snickers but before Chanyeol could ask what he means for the second time in barely a minute, goes on, “I’ma go finish up the plates, then I’ll be back to help you.”

“Thanks man.” Chanyeol says again, truly grateful.

Sehun does the finger thing once more and walks away, half twerking to ‘slob on my knob’ that booms loudly over the stereo.

Chanyeol can’t help but feel awkward hovering around section six as Sehun goes table to table taking orders. ‘Table touching’ he had called it. He squats to talk to customers, being tall as a teenage tree and all. Chanyeol takes note to do the same when he finally gets to be a server.

He observes the sweet eye-smile Sehun almost robotically has on his face like a mask. With every word he says to the guests, the smile is there. Then the moment’s over and Sehun rushes him to the side.

“I just fucking got slammed the host is such a cunt,” Sehun whispers loudly. “Tao’s lucky I got side and sauce setups or I’d beat his ass.” Sehun takes a deep breath appearing to do some practiced meditation breathing as Chanyeol sends a prayer to whoever this Tao guy is. “Anyway, here’s a list. You memorized the table numbers right?”

Chanyeol wants to say he barely gave the four by two section map a spare glance opting to inconspicuously peek at the written numbers on the table but nods instead. “Yup.” He says confidently.

“Awesome.” Sehun rips a piece of paper from his notepad. “Thirteen rice total and don’t forget the forks and all that extra shit these bitches asked for.”

“Okay.” Chanyeol can barely comprehend Sehun’s chicken scratch handwriting but okay.

Sehun salutes him, patting him on the shoulder. “Thanks hyung.”

Feeling good about himself at the respectful term, Chanyeol gets to work.

The first slam is a breeze. Twenty minutes in, Sehun pulls Chanyeol aside again and gestures to the section much in the way Mufasa did in the Lion King when he was explaining Pride Rock.

“You see this? This is the chill stage. Everyone’s chilling,” he dramatically points at random guests. “She’s chilling. He’s chilling. They’re chilling so we’re chilling,” Sehun smiles looking like a proud father. “They got their first round of meats and their drinks,” he pauses, squinting at a cloud of smoke. “Actually. Have you ever changed a grill before?

“No…” Chanyeol answers slowly secretly hoping it would never have to come to this. Grill changing anxiety was real.

Sehun claps a hand on his shoulder.

“You gon learn today.”

It’s a terrifying experience, being in control of people’s lives by the burning hot grill in your hands, trying to make sure no dumbass accidentally touches it or moves in the way. You gotta be a hundred and one percent aware of your surroundings. Chanyeol now understands why most servers yelling hot grill look intense and stressed, near death experiences and all.

The new grill slams down atop the burner and the customers are amazed. Chanyeol’s amazed at himself too.

“Thank you!” They say enthusiastically. Chanyeol smiles as beads of nervous sweat form and drip down his face.

“HOT GRILLLLLLLLLLLLLL.” He screeches as he walks. “Hotgrillhotgrillhotgrill CORNER.” He makes it to the dish pit and drops off the grill. Success, he thinks.

When he turns around, Baekhyun’s leaning against the wall, sipping on his straw with what looks to be soda. Or it could be Hennessey again who knows.

“Good job,” Baekhyun tells him but despite the compliment sounds sarcastic as hell.

Chanyeol nods in a half bow and rushes out. Damn Baekhyun looked good. He must have just clocked in because he was sans apron and full view of sexy hips and – Chanyeol chances a double take and yep. Baekhyun had a nice ass. It wasn’t really a surprise. All his personality traits just screamed ‘I can act like this because I have a nice ass’.

When nine pm rolls around, Chanyeol’s previous assumption that things would slow down is shoved down his throat. The wait is at two hours, the lobby is swamped, no one’s gone on their break, and Chanyeol doesn’t even have time to spare to take a much needed piss.

Sehun’s warped into a military commander, barking orders with a hot flush on his face and sleeves rolled all the way up.

“Tao’s slamming me for fun,” Sehun pants, eyes narrowed to slits, pretending his hands are binoculars as he glares straight into Tao’s being at the host stand. “That asshole. There’s other sections open too you know but he doesn’t care. Too lazy to walk to the other side of the damn restaurant. Ugh, fuck this shit.” Sehun looks on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Chanyeol feels bad that he couldn’t make things easier for him. As far as hes concerned runners are there to allow the server more time with their tables.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol apologizes.

“Nah you’re good. We’re just understaffed. Like severely understaffed. No one’s bussing the tables. No one’s changing the grills fast enough. And last but not least, no one’s running the food. When the kitchen gets backed up, we’re all fucked.” Sehun looks at his ipad. “It’s been more than ten minutes. I gotta get table sixty five’s meats. Shit, I haven’t even gotten their drinks yet. Can you grab them some waters at the bar?”

“Got it!”

Chanyeol’s never actually gotten drinks for tables before. He’s never even met the bartender. The bar zone is another battlefield altogether. A bunch of drinks are on the black mats atop the red marble counter. Tickets are sloppily stuck on the side of the glass, labeling the drink, server name, table, and even the time. Some are from twenty minutes ago. That wasn’t good. Chanyeol moves into action, grabbing six water glasses and puts them on the circular tray, praying he won’t drop this shit as soon as he runs it.

He’s pouring the water and ice, half missing as he tries to multi task and shove straws into each cup.

When he’s done with the pitchers, a dark looming presence that’s impressive from a rather short guy makes itself known.

“Are you not capable of the simple task of placing empty pitchers to the right side of the bar?” Kyungsoo, his name tag reads, apparently the bartender, says calmly but with a cut throat icy tone. His big eyes beat Chanyeol’s own wide ones.

“My bad.” Chanyeol says distractedly nearly spilling a glass of water.

“Put the empty pitchers on the right side of the bar.”

Chanyeol does as he told and gets another scolding. “My right,” Kyungsoo emphasizes.

Chanyeol wants badly to answer back because he did not clarify that but he bites his tongue and does as he’s told.

He barely hears a ‘behind you’ of a familiar voice as he’s lifting his tray of glasses and if Baekhyun hadn’t swerved left when Chanyeol turned around a full on wet collision would have taken place.

“I said behind you,” Baekhyun snaps at him.

Chanyeols pouting now, tired of getting yelled at. “I didn’t hear you.” He says under his breath not making eye contact.

“Then fucking listen next time. Your ears are big enough.”

Chanyeol’s taken aback at the unsolicited insult. R00d, he thinks.

He miraculously makes it back to section six without spilling his tray, and drops the drinks off at 65.

They’re a group of young guys around their early 20’s all dressed fashionably in snapbacks and hoodies. There’s a few bottles of soju and giant Hite bottles already on their table despite having just got seated not too long ago. Must have started drinking during the wait time.

“Yo thanks!” One of them with bunny teeth and an innocent boy-next-door face whoops. Buzzed, Chanyeol observes.

“No problem.”

“Are you a server too?”

“Where’s Sehun?”

“I’m hungry!”

“Is Jin hyung working today?”

Chanyeol’s bombarded with questions and suddenly feels overwhelmed. Maybe he isn’t suited for server life. Having to actually be constantly interacting with tables no with strangers basically... hungry strangers. Drunk strangers.

“Sehun’s getting your food, guys.” Chanyeol says politely. “And I’m not sure who Jin hyung is. Sorry.”

“Aw man! No hooks up today.”

“It’s his birthday!”

“Can you sing for him?”

“Shut the fuck up!” the one who’s birthday it apparently was hisses. He’s a really pale slim guy on the very end of the booth near Chanyeol. He seems to be consumed by his oversized black hoodie and looks miserable but chill at the same time.

“But Yoongi-hyung! You get pineapples!”

“I loathe pineapples, Jimin.”

Jimin frowns as ‘Yoongi hyung’ stabs at a spicy radish banchan.

Another male on the opposite of the end of the booth tugs at Chanyeol’s sleeve. His melanin is popping and he’s got a video game character slash manga boy look about him along with a quite charming box shaped smile. “Can you guys sing for him later? His name is Yoongi, say he’s turning 87 years old.”

“I can hear you, Taehyung,” Yoongi seethes. “I’m not 87 years old.”

“Then stop acting like it!”

Chanyeol finds himself with the plastered on robotic smile like Sehun earlier and finally understands why. Customers be so needy and they all talk at once! He couldn’t imagine what it’d be like if it was a bigger party, or when they were ordering side dishes. Shudder. He wishes badly for Sehun to pop up and take him away from all this… this… customer service.

“Don’t mind them. They’ve had a few,” a smooth voice from the far end of the table says. This guy looks more mature and notably more sober than the others. His silver hair peeks out beneath a black beanie with the letters RM. “Just checking up but no rush or nothing, do you know if our food’s coming? We’re famished.”

“Oh! Yeah lemme go check in the kitchen for you.” Chanyeol’s right about to flee the scene when he sees Sehun approaching with 2 trays in hand. Full hands in full hands out yo. He passes one to Chanyeol and steps into the limelight.

“Hey guys! Sorry about that! I had to run some food but I’m back and I got your order! Yay!” Sehun drops the food one by one with lightning speed. “Beef bulgogi, double order brisket, beef belly, and spicy calamari.” He turns gracefully and grabs at the food in Chanyeol’s tray. “Also the appetizers, popcorn chicken, fried calamari and japchae.”

Jimin is about to open his mouth to say something but Sehun cuts him off. “Don’t worry your soondooboois on the way. Just about 5 min, okay? They gotta make sure the soup is nice and hot for you! Sorry about that!”

“No, it’s okay! Thank you!”

Sehun walks Chanyeol away and sighs. “Thanks for taking care of them. Theyre regulars. Young but they tip pretty fat. Rare for millenials let me tell you that. Jin’s friends though. Before you ask, Jin’s main cashier. He’s off today. I’m surprised he’s not with them – ”

“— it’s the Yoongi guy’s 87th birthday.” Chanyeol blurts before he forgets.

Sehun laughs. “Oh god. He’s gonna kill us for singing. I’m so excited. This is gonna be fun. I’ma send in the pineapples in about 45 minutes.”

“Why pineapples?”

“We don’t have any birthday specials here but we do give a free plate of pineapples and sing.”

“Oh.”

“It’s better than nothing.” Sehun shrugs. “Anyway, once I get those, I want you to ask everyone available to do a birthday for us.”

“Copy that.” Chanyeol salutes. Sehun grins.

“You’re doing great by the way.”

Chanyeol grins back.

Time passes differently inside EXO Korean BBQ house. One second it’s five pm the next it’s been three and a half hours. It’s a bit insane and almost feels like Chanyeol is in a whole other world completely. Hence, the forty five minutes until the birthday comes in the blink of an eye.

The adrenaline rush is definitely hitting Chanyeol by this point.

Sehun’s been reminding him a catchy but kinda lame ‘teamwork really makes the dreamwork’ with every checkbook he obsessively opens once the table is out the door, never failing to grin borderline maniacally at the 25% tip they’ve been getting.

“Bless,” Sehun cheers. “Suho better give me a strawberry soju cocktail for this.”

Chanyeol laughs. “I wouldn’t mind that either.”

“Yeah sure you deserve a shot! You’ve done well Yeollie. Can I call you that? Do people call you that?”

“Not really but it’s fine.” Tbh Chanyeol hated that nickname bc wtf. “As long as I get to call you Sehunnie.”

“Nevermind.”

They share another laugh and then lo and a behold, a random fellow server pops out.

“Hi Chen.” Sehun chirps. “Whatcha got there?”

“Your birthday pineapples, bitch.”

“Damn you stay on them birthday pineapples.”

“Well when you got vocals such as I then yes. You never know when you’ll get discovered and if it’s through singing happy birthday at a restaurant then so be it,” his finely chiseled jawbones are more pronounced as a foxy grin spreads across his face. He turns to Chanyeol. “Hi. Don’t believe we’ve met. New guy right?”

“Yeah that’s me. New guy.”

“Ha you’re funny. I like you, new guy.”

“Watch out. He says that to everyone he think he can take advantage and manipulate into doing his dirty work,” Sehun warns playing around on his ipad.

“Hey!” Chen interjects. Chanyeol grins, feeling more at home and part of the EXO fam now. It was a good feeling.

“Anyway. Birthday time. Get like two or three more people, okay? And maybe a clean grill so you can bang on that shit and get everyone’s fucking attention.” Sehun dictates.

“On my way.”

Chanyeol speeds around the restaurant looking for non-busy folks. Fail – everyone basically says no or ignores him when he asks, sad face. Alright then, so maybe not quite part of the EXO fam yet.

He bumps into Baekhyun unintentionally. A cute shocked ‘ah!’ leaves Baekhyun’s mouth, and seriously it’s so cute but almost sexual that Chanyeol’s face burns. Wild, wild thoughts.

“Say ‘behind you’!” Baekhyun practically shouts at him looking scandalized. Chanyeol just stares, a bit flabbergasted at the feisty little thing Baekhyun was. A loud huff. “What do you want?”

“Birthday?” Chanyeol finally remembers his mission in life.

“Ugh,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Fine. Come on.”

Chanyeol can’t help the big goofy smile on his face at Baekhyun actually agreeing to do something nice for him well technically for Sehun but still. Progress, people.

They weave through the crowd of servers and customers alike with the grace of a seasoned employee. For once in Chanyeol’s life his clumsy demeanor is absent. Maybe actually putting a conscious effort to stop fucking up was all it took. Or maybe motivation. He stares at Baekhyun’s fluffy blonde hair and swears he can catch a whiff of mild sweet cologne. Of course Baekhyun probably had magical powers to still remain bulgogi and kalbi scent free even halfway through his shift. This guy was just way too attractive for his own good. Chanyeol is wondering ridiculously what his zodiac sign is when Baekhyun abruptly stops.

Chanyeol crashes right into him just as Baekhyun throws his hand behind him to stop Chanyeol albeit a little too late. His hand lands directly where the sun don’t shine, against Chanyeol’s groin or in Layman terms – full on dick smack. Ouch.

Chanyeol groans, low and pained and would very much like to keel over at his premature demise, but with the intertia still in full effect, he stumbles into Baekhyun’s shoulder instead. This brings him right against Baekhyun’s ass and despite just getting hit down there, feels his cock twitch as blood rushes down. Oh no noono.

“Can you watch out?” Baekhyun asks as if it was his fault and blatantly ignoring what he had done to Chanyeol’s family jewels.

“I am sorry.” Chanyeol dryheaves, seeing stars.

Still in the midst of getting it together, Chanyeol sees a server in front of Baekhyun pulling back after replacing a burnt grill from the table right in front of them. So that’s what caused this random traffic jam in the first place. Then Baekhyun’s peering back at him.

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asks with an amused smirk.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He’s not.

Baekhyun looks down for a brief moment then back up into Chanyeol’s eyes again. “That was your thing wasn’t it?”

OH my god, Chanyeol thinks. Is he seriously asking that right now?! Freakin’ specifically and shit? Chanyeol doesn’t know what to say! And he’s sure his face is red as a tomato.

“I – it – “

Baekhyun laughs again. The second time Chanyeol’s got him to and the 77% chance of never being able to have children due to untimely hot grill induced dick smacks seems worth it.

“Well get used to it,” Baekhyun advises. “It happens a lot here.”

Chanyeol has no idea why the hell that is a thing that happens a lot here and truthfully that’s a little scare and almost enough to make him turn in his two weeks but then Baekhyun’s snickering giving Chanyeol reason to believe this little shit was just fucking with him. Heck, that was probably on purpose. They finally make it to section six, Chanyeol speechless the whole way not trusting himself to not blurt out WHY YOU HIT MY DICK and dramatically explain it has feelings too, you know.

Sehun, Chen and a few others have already appeared to have gathered around table sixty five.

“FINALLY!” Sehun shouts.

“Shut up,” Baekhyun says with no bite.

“His name is Yoongi,” Sehun tells everyone then they’re in a single file line of tall men in black looking like a squad. Gang gang.

Sehun suddenly bends down and brings his hand to his mouth as he booms,

“Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee we got a birthday.”

“AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WE GOT A BIRTHDAY!” the rest of group echos almost deafeningly. Table sixty joins in, cheering madly looking incredibly shit faced.

“Hey everyone we got a birthday in the house. His name is Yoongi and he’s turning 87 years old today!” the crowd laughs as Yoongi looks absolutely livid, mortified, and tipsy all at the same time. He sinks down into his seat. Sehun’s got the pineapples in front of him and three hands reach out with torch lighters lighting up almost comically. “Let’s all sing him happy birthday!”

Chanyeol thinks he’s singing loud but it’s drowned out by the whole crowd. It’s a bit moving, hearing everyone sing. Strangers who don’t even know you all singing and helping you feel special on your birthday. It was making Chanyeol weirdly sentimental. The added ‘WOO’ with every line also made it fun and silly. Chen apparently wasn’t lying about his vocal skills. Hella extra but damn. People were loving it even as he did an unsolicited high note of Yoongi’s name in the background for no real reason.

Chanyeol’s enjoying the whole scene unfolding when he finally hears Baekhyun singing. If he wasn’t already sprung off his ass for the guy he would be now. Even though it’s quite a ruckus in there, he can clearly hear him and if that wasn’t the loveliest sound he’s heard in his life... he doesn’t realize he’s staring, captivated, until Baekhyun turns his head and catches his gaze.

His eyes are lit up from all the flames of the torch lighters, red orange embers dancing in his dark irises and Chanyeol cannot fathom how anyone can be so heartstoppingly divine. He’s effortlessly gorgeous and he’s more beautiful than the moment.

Its over too fast. There’s yelling, clapping, some howling and a random ass Lil Jon style YEEEEEEEEEEA-YUHHHHHHHHHH.

The rest of the servers disperse just as quickly as they assimilated.

Sehun’s just finished having a conversation with table sixty five – all chanyeol heard was soju cocktails on the house – and then he finds himself huddled in a nearby corner, Sehun on his left and Baekhyun on his right.

“How is he?” Baekhyun asks Sehun, and Chanyeol realizes he’s referring to him but straight up acting like he wasn’t there.

Sehun gives a thumbs up with no hesitation. “Good! He’s good.”

“Hm,” Baekhyun doesn’t look convinced. “I wouldn’t know. Never had him.”

“Yet!” Sehun gestures almost lazily at Chanyeol. “Do you want him?”

The question is about serving and running but geez it sounds weird and questionable and makes Chanyeol’s cheeks burn a little at the words if taken out of context.

“I’m good,” Baekhyun says flippantly, but then he moves up against Chanyeol, real close, so close it brings his soft looking lips millimeters away from Chanyeol’s collar as he looks up at him. “He’s all yours.”

Chanyeol can’t meet his gaze, his eyes drop to those kissable lips, he can’t stop staring at them. Baekhyun licks said lips, wetting them probably because its’ so smoky in here so they had a tendency to get chapped but haha was that not sexual as fuck? Or so help me. Or help Chanyeol. Yeah Chanyeol needs help. Baekhyun’s really making him question his morals because his presence alone is enough to get Chanyeol junior stirring in the confines of his slacks.

“You owe me again.” Is all Baekhyun says but in a quite voice intended for only Chanyeol to hear. Then he’s walking away without sparing him another glance.

Chanyeol feels frozen to the spot but hot all over.

God, Baekhyun…. He was so damn fine, fuhhhhhhhhh. FUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

“Soooooooooooo,” Sehun raises an eyebrow slowly, arms crossed, seemingly picking up on the thicc sexual tension lingering in the air. “Wanna run for him?”

“Huh?” Chanyeol’s still out of it.

“Baekhyun. He doesn’t like to admit it but he needs a runner sometimes. I seen his section burning because he’s too busy flirting with customers.” Sehun picks at a fingernail.

“What makes you think I want to run for him?” Chanyeol gets defensive, feeling a bit ashamed at being so easy to read.

Sehun rolls his eyes. “Please like I haven’t seen the way you look at him. He’s got the same effect on half the human population.”

“Are you saying I look at him?”

“Yes, Sherlock Holmes.”

“I don’t look at him,” Chanyeol denies hurriedly.

“Relax,” Sehun laughs. “I’m not gonna tell him. Though he probably already knows. But I can request Suho to put you on the floor plan as a runner for him.”

“Would that really be a good idea…”

“Sure! One of the things about EXO, is we are one! There’s no front of the house or back of the house we are all one. We like to make sure we’re a team and that we can work well together. This will be the perfect opportunity to develop a good relationship with Baekhyun hyung. He’s an amazing server. He makes the most tips every shift. You can learn a lot from him.”

Develop a good relationship? Chanyeol’s got different things in mind. Shit. nooo. Can’t think that way. Unresolved sexual tension will not help this situation.

“I don’t know... he doesn’t seem to like me very much.” Chanyeol sighs piling up a few empty plates.

“Nonsense!” Sehun booms throwing his hand up for emphasis and nearly smacking a guest in the face as he does so. He leans closer. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you too.” He winks and goes back to table touching.

Chanyeol bites his lip, eyes searching for Baekhyun through the busy bustling restaurant. His heart stops, then skips several beats and refuses to go back to normal when he sees the object of his desire staring back.

Chanyeol goes home that night with more than house tip. His first runner tip out. Sehun had been generous. Fifty bucks is pretty good for a tip out. Most runners only get 10% but Sehun said he had kicked ass and was a natural and I quote ‘would be serving in no time.’

Jongin’s still up at their shared one bedroom. He’s in the living room which is technically his area of the apartment, six beers deep, still in his pajamas, and playing Monster Hunter.

“Yo.”

“Whaddup.”

“Tired as shit,” Chanyeol kicks off his shoes.

“You smell like straight up Korean samgyubsal dude,” Jongin scrunches his nose.

“And you smell like bad life decisions,” Chanyeol eyes the empty pack of beer and the half full bottle of jameson. “What’s the occasion?”

“Midterms over. Got a D. I’m celebrating.” Jongin shrugs. “Wanna join me?”

“Wow you finally got the D.”

“That joke is as old as your virginity.”

“I am not – “

Okay, but he is. Was it weird??? He’s like twenty four… he may have never had a real relationship before but that doesn’t mean something was wrong with him! Was it his fault if his three focuses in life growing up was family, school, and gaming?! ‘Scuse him if he never took the time to hoe around. Matter of fact, a lot of girls and even guys found Chanyeol attractive. Things just… never worked out. And and and it’s not like he was a pure holy virgin angel nun or something! No he’s seen a boobie or two. He’s definitely kissed before; drunken make outs reign supreme in the formative college years. So yeah! He was like Mother Theresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz. Innocent, but not thaaaaaaaaat innocent... or something. Damn, it’s hard to defend his honor. Deciding vehemently in his mind, this was HIS choice and it’s totally normal and ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE HIM and he’s actually lucky because he is waiting for someone special, Chanyeol gets back to the subject at hand. DRINKING. Chanyeol doesn’t know why the hell not he wouldn’t. His body is aching all over and the exhaustion is starting to set in. A beer or two sounded wonderful. He opts to take a quick shower to get the stench of bulgogi off him but the quick shower turns in to a twenty minute jacking off session.

Dark eyes, light hair, the hottest piece of ass he’s ever seen…

And an aggressive but beautiful and intoxicating Baekhyun telling Chanyeol to fuck him harder.

“Ah fuck,” Chanyeol hisses as he comes everywhere. What a huge load.

If Sehun’s true to his word and gets Chanyeol as a runner for Baekhyun, it’s gonna take a lot of pre shift jizz sessions to stop the inevitable boners a certain server will give him.

Chanyeol ignores the beer and goes straight for the hard liquor, hating how everything was more and more reminding him of someone he’s only known for a few days and didn’t really respect him but was slowly taking over his existence.

“You good?” Jongin slurs, looking worried but mostly drunk.

Chanyeol gives him two thumbs up and reaches for the controller.

Running for Baekhyun turns out to be as sexually frustrating as Chanyeol’s fantasies predicted it to be.

At first, the animosity was strong.

“Who said you could run for me?” Baekhyun had asked when Chanyeol was clocking in fumbling with his apron trying not to stare at Baekhyun’s ass. “I don’t need a runner.”

“Am I running for you?” Chanyeol asks innocently, deciding to play dumb like he did not know that that was the original plan Sehun had made last night.

That gets Baekhyun shoving the PM floor plan to Chanyeol’s face. “What does it say?”

“Oh. I guess I am.” Chanyeol gulps nervously. Why the hell was Baekhyun so worked up, sheesh. “I can just not run for you, if you want…”

“And have Suho up my ass? No thanks,” Baekhyun pauses, a thoughtful look on his face. He steps closer. “Are you even good?”

“W-what,” Chanyeol stammers at the close proximity. Baekhyun’s breath smells just like the minty gum he was chewing.

“Are you good?”

“Uh, Sehun said I was good.”

“Sehun also said you wanted to fuck me,” Baekhyun says with a roll of his eyes and it’s not sure if its jokingly or sarcastically, if it was a test, or what.

Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something, he doesn’t even know what there is to say to that but then Baekhyun goes on.

“Anyways, I want you close to me at all times. Bother me. Ask me what I need. I don’t wanna see you running off helping others. If someone else asks you for something, ignore them. You’re my runner, so you run only for me. Do you understand that?” Baekhyun’s speech sounds like a weird bdsm euphemism but Chanyeol nods repeatedly to every word he says.

“Okay,” Baekhyun’s voice is sweet. He must have a thing for telling people what to do. “Let’s go then.” There he goes again…

“ESKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETIT!” Someone yells from the dish pit, adding comedy to the otherwise tense moment.

Chanyeol follows behind Baekhyun, eyes trying not to enjoy the view too much.

He’s failing miserably though. He keeps glancing down – down at Baekhyun’s ass. Ugh. He’s so sexy. He wants to reach out and touch it. But he’s sure Baekhyun wouldn’t appreciate that so he keeps his hands to himself. It’s getting impossible to keep his thirst lowkey when Baekhyun’s around though and Baekhyun being all nice and cordial isn’t helping. Chanyeol knows it’s simply because he’s basically his slave today and tips depend on how well they perform as a tag team duo.

But… like…

Baekhyun is touchy feely as fuck.

It’s half way through the dinner rush when Chanyeol begins to reach his limits. Baekhyun wasn’t like this the first few hours, but in the next few hours that followed Chanyeol noticed Baekhyun’s been on three bathroom breaks which were probably not for peeing but for chugging more of his personal. Each time he returns, his breath no longer smells of minty gum but instead pure alcohol of the cognac variety.

And the alcohol definitely loosens Baekhyun up.

It’s small and subtle gestures that Chanyeol doesn’t notice at first. Baekhyun constantly asks if he’s okay, but in a sweet touchingly concerned tone with matching sincerity in his beautiful perfect eyes. Second, he keeps thanking Chanyeol and using the word ‘please’ when he needs something. That was doing bad things to Chanyeol’s mind but let’s not go there. It’s little things like this that’s got Chanyeol feeling like he’s gonna spontaneously combust. Now when Baekhyun asks for something, he leans in so close, the way he looks up at Chanyeol with a smile, the same smile Chanyeol knows is the fake sweet robotic smile all servers do but to have it directed at him from Baekhyun – shit’s got him weak. Baekhyun is cute, sexy and irresistible. He’s charming when he wants to be and not only using it on his tables but he’s using it on Chanyeol too. And Chanyeol doesn’t really know why. He hopes there’s more to it thant the alcohol talking.

“Chanyeollie,” Baekhyun tugs him to the side station and proceeds to eliminate the space between them, bringing their chest right against each other as he moves his mouth to Chanyeol’s ear. It seems to be done in an effort to get his words to reach Chanyeol since it’s extremely loud in the restaurant at the moment but wasn’t this a bit much?

“Y-yes??”

“I need you,” Baekhyun breathes against his neck. So so wrong, Chanyeol thinks. That sounds so wrong. Ugh. He swallows hard.. Baekhyun continues. “If you didn’t know,” he murmurs, “We just got slammed. I’ve taken all their drink orders, and I can get the rice and side dishes but I want you to get the drinks. Can you do that for me?”

Chanyeol’s heart is racing. It’s hammering so loudly in his chest at how close Baekhyun is to him, Chanyeol doesn’t think its possible for his heart to beat this rapidly but here we are.

“Okay, I’ll get it.” Chanyeol tries stepping back but he’s trapped against the wall.

Baekhyun looks up at him. They’re within kissing distance for crying out loud. There’s a pink flush high on Baekhyun’s cheekbones, another give away he certainly has been drinking. He looks adorable… and so doable. Shit.

“Thanks,” Baekhyun’s sultry gaze drops down to Chanyeol’s lips. Chanyeol thinks it’s his imagination he swears it is but nope, Baekhyun’s hella staring right at his mouth. “I owe you,” He says slowly and just as slowly drags his gaze back up to meet Chanyeol’s eyes again. Then he licks his lips and smiles. “Go.”

Chanyeol’s temporarily stunned into the side station even minutes after Baekhyun saunters back to section seven.

Shit. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Chanyeol can’t feel his legs. He can’t feel anything but the shameful tug of arousal pooling in all sorts of heated desperation and lust around his lower stomach and groin. He’s never felt this turned on. He never wanted someone this much. Baekhyun could probably burn his ass with a hot grill and he’d still wanna hit that. This was getting out of control.

“Are you okay?” Sehun asks him at the bar as Chanyeol robotically fills 16 glasses of water on one tray.

“Yes.”

“That’s a lot of waters.”

“Yes.”

“Baekhyun making you do all the hard labor huh?”

Chanyeol snaps. “What exactly is his deal anyway?”

Sehun looks amused. “Watcha mean?”

“Why is he so. He’s acting different today.”

“Probably drunk. He always drinks on the job when he has a runner.”

“I know he’s drunk or whatever. But like. I’m getting whiplash here. One second he’s – but then. Ugh. Is he usually, you know. Like that…?” Chanyeol makes wild gestures that don’t mean shit.

Sehun snickers. “The fuck?”

Chanyeol doesn’t know how to say it. He’s probably trippin’, this is wishful thinking and Baekhyun isn’t making moves or seducing him, he’s just being nice and Chanyeol’s taking it the wrong way because everyone’s kind of a dick here and speaking of dicks apparently his is a poor depraved soul that needs some bad.

“Nevermind,” he says instead feeling stupid. He distractedly grabs sixteen straws and starts stabbing them into the water.

A laugh from Sehun. “Oh boy. Don’t tell me he’s already got you all riled up? It’s been three hours.”

Yeah three hours of nonstop touches – touches to Chanyeol’s bicep, lower back, and Baekhyun had a habit of backing up into Chanyeol I’m talking ass to groin and remaining in that position while he tells him what to do. To ‘overlook his section’ most likely but WTF. Who talks to people in that position? Baekhyun that’s who. Chanyeol’s already practiced blaming any felt hardness on his ipad in his apron pocket if anything were to pop up. Which it almost did… many times. Chanyeol was having a record of how many semis he can get in one day.

Shaking his head, he lets out a frustrated groan, the most distraught emotions he’s ever shown at EXO. “He’s hella on me,” Chanyeol blurts feeling dumb again and very teenage boy.

Sehun stirs a strawberry lemonade. “Uh yeah. That’s Baekhyun. You should be happy though. It really seemed like he hated your guts but now it looks like he’s tryna get you up in his. Teambuilding!”

Somehow Chanyeol doesn’t think hoeing around with your coworkers means team building but sure. Let’s go with that.

He decides not to say anything more. Can Sehun even really be trusted? All the servers here seem to have a dark side. It was like an anime where all the heroes have an alter ego or some shit.

Dropping off the drinks is like the hard level of a roblox obstacle course. Everyone’s literally in the damn way even on a Sunday evening. No one seems to care when he says behind you. Chanyeol was steadily heading towards his first EXO mental breakdown.

“There you are,” Baekhyun calls out heading towards Chanyeol once the drinks were all set. “Are you ok?”

“Yes. Hi.” Chanyeol says through gritted teeth. Baekhyun may as well be the devil in disguise. All the sins in Chanyeol’s mind were making him want to drown himself in some holy water. He didn’t get it. He’s never usually like this. It was making him a bit disgusted with himself.

“I’m going on my thirty. Can you watch over the section?” Baekhyun strokes Chanyeol’s arm as he asks. What the fuck –

“Yeah I can do that. Is everyone good right now.”

“Mhm.” Baekhyun gestures to a party of sixteen. “I know those guys. They’re hella chill. They shouldn’t give you any trouble. I’ve already told them I’m going on break. So just 74 or 75 arent part of their group. 74 are harmless little ahjumma’s, charm them with your dimple. The other is a group of thots, charm them with your deep voice, maybe act like you wanna bone them or something.” Baekhyun explains quickly then pulls Chanyeol down by the collar, “ – but don’t actually do that.” He glares playfully then nearly gives Chanyeol a heartattack as he shoves his ipad into Chanyeol’s apron pocket which is oh you know, right near his crotch. Dear god, Chanyeol thinks. “You got this!”

Then he’s off, and heading towards the back room.

Chanyeol doesn’t notice it’s Baekhyun at the party of sixteen until 8 minutes later. He’s got a burgundy windbreaker on over his uniform and he’s pulled up a chair right next to an extremely good looking mofo that makes up head count number one in the cockfest of chinese dudes at the table. Chanyeol had to admit, the guy had the face of a model and he looked tall too if his giant yaoi hands were anything to go by. He was also a blonde, dyed and dirty with an undercut that looked fresh. This guy must get haircuts every two weeks to maintain that shit. Do you even know how much haircuts cost these days?! This guy’s loaded. There was no other explanation. His resting bitch face only disappeared into a gummy smile whenever they raised their soju bombs to cheers or when Baekhyun opened his mouth.

Baekhyun was clearly lit by this point, he had taken way too many shots of the cocktail and the soju bombs. Chanyeol didn’t know if it was jealousy that was pissing him off or the blatant disregard to the rules. Then he sees Baekhyun massaging the Ballin Bi-weekly Haircut guy’s thigh from under the table as he giggles and Chanyeol nearly walks out. What. A fucking. Hoe.

“Excuse me, can we get a grill change please?” one of the girls from the table of thots ask sweetly, batting her fake lashes.

“Okay.” Chanyeol lifelessly grabs a clean grill from the side station making sure to mean mug Baekhyun's fine ass man friend as he does so. He gets ignored, existence forgotten and sighs as he switches the grills at 74.

“Thank you! You’re the best!” the girls gush.

“No problem,” Chanyeol’s mastered the fake smile early in the game. He wonders how many smiles here were actually genuine because he knows his isn’t anymore. Can he have a fucking shot right now too?

Speak of the devil – Baekhyun looks up just as Chanyeol booms ‘hot grill’ like a war cry.

“Chanyeollie! Hey. Want a shot?” he offers as if he’s part of this table, not working or anything.

“No thanks.” Chanyeol says, pride stopping him.

“Come on, dude. Live a little.” The guy beside Baekhyun says, smiling. The fuck, why was he smiling? Once again – WERE ANY SMILES SINCERE HERE? The world may never know.

“I’m working,” Chanyeol says politely but it comes off harsh.

Baekhyun laughs. “Sorry guys. He’s new.”

“It’s cool. I respect his work ethics.”

“What about my work ethics?”

“What work ethics?”

Baekhyun hits him. It’s flirtatious. “Kris!” he whines. That was flirtatious too. Chanyeol’s eyes darken and he angrily moves away. KriiiiiiiiiSSssssss, his mind mocks.

They’re so casual with each other. Definitely fucking. Chanyeol wants to die. Why must all the good ones be hoes?

He drops off the dirty grill and notices the time. Hasn’t it been more than 30 min? Where the fuck was the manager? Did he not care?

He sneaks into the back to peer into the office and sees Sehun in there, back facing him talking to who was probably Suho.

“My schedule is fucked. I asked you for Wednesday off weeks ago!”

“Sehun, please calm down.”

“I’ve been waiting for so long but you’ve still never made the time. You suck!”

“Sehun – babe, please – ”

Babe? Woooooooooooooooah.

Realization dawns upon Chanyeol that this is most likely not a conversation he should be hearing. He’s about to slowly walk away like a ninja in the night but Sehun senses him and catches his eye. Shit. Chanyeol runs off.

He gets the check for 74 and 75. Takes orders for the other side of the party and even grabs rice for another servers section. By then Baekhyun is still straight chillin.

Chanyeol can’t stand anymore of this BS. He’s not gonna make a scene or anything he wasn’t the type. But his aura wasn’t something he could hide. He tended to wear his emotions on his sleeve and face. Baekhyun looks over and although shit faced seems to finally come back from whatever hell planet he was on right now.

He gets up. Kris guy tugs him.

“I have to go back now.”

“Just clock out. I’ll tip you your other two hours pay.”

“You’re gonna tip me it anyway,” Baekhyun sasses then walks off, but as he does he grabs Chanyeol by the sleeve without saying a single thing. Chanyeol’s forced to follow suit. They pass Chen in the expo line.

“Watch my section,” Baekhyun orders like a boss. Chen scowls but doesn’t decline. Damn was everyone Baekhyun’s bitch around this place.

Chanyeol’s about to ask where they’re going but it could only be one place seeing as he’s being dragged past the host stand, past the waiting area and there’s only one area to go here – the bathroom.

He’s sure Baekhyun is gonna yell at him for something or the other. The lobby has cleared out at least, so the bathroom is empty when he’s all but manhandled into it.

“Take your apron off.” Baekhyun commands instantly.

“Why?” Chanyeol asks defiantly.

“You can’t wear your apron in the bathroom, dumbass!” Baekhyun says loudly as if this was a piece of information passed on from generation to generation at an early infant age. Chanyeol doesn’t like it.

“Well my bad. I didn’t even know I was going to the bathroom.” Chanyeol mutters, feeling like a rebel. His heart beats wildly for even talking back.

Baekhyun ignores him, grabbing at the string of Chanyeol’s apron, right atop his crotch and undoing it himself.

“Whoa – “

“I said take it off.”

The apron is thrown in the little gold tub where clean towels are supposed to go below the sink. Baekhyun does the same for himself then grabs Chanyeol again and shoves him inside the stall. It isn’t until he’s locking it that Chanyeol’s alarm bells go off. Dude what was this. Was he gonna kill him? Omg.

“Baekhyun – “ Chanyeol starts.

“You are so fucking distracting.” Baekhyun growls once again putting hands on Chanyeol – pressing him against the cold marble wall behind him as the music booms around them.

“What? I’m sorry?“ Chanyeol’s adrenaline rush is waning, he feels dizzy and disoriented.

“You should be,” Baekhyun stares seriously at him. His cheeks are even more flushed, lips a kissable dark red from the strawberry soju cocktail. “I can’t work properly with you.”

Chanyeol feels his stomach flip. “I’m sorry…” he says sadly, anger forgotten just like that and suddenly feeling like a failure.

“Stop apologizing, you idiot.” Fact; Baekhyun even rolls his eyes while drunk. Noted. He also still looks damn good. Blonde bangs fall into his eyes as he shakes his head in unexplained frustration. “I mean I can’t work with you. Properly with you because I’m distracted. You’re distracting me and I NEVER get distracted.”

“Why are you distracted.” Chanyeol gets the question in, having a weird feeling about the direction this conversation was going.

“Because of you,” Baekhyun spits and his tone sounds disgusted, but he’s looking into Chanyeol’s eyes like he wants him. “All I can think about is getting you alone.”

Chanyeol’s mind goes blank.

Then races.

“What?” He’s blushing. He can’t not be blushing. What did Baekhyun just say? His cheeks are positively burning and he feels like the drunk one with how his brain isn’t functioning right now. Had he heard him correctly? Is he going crazy? Was he fantasizing? Is this real life?

“You know what I mean.” Baekhyun says this with confidence. “You seem innocent but you can’t be that innocent.” Of course no, for he was mother Theresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz we went over this remember.

“Umm,” Chanyeol is speechless, shook, and trying hard to make sense of the situation. “I think I know what you mean? B-but I’m not one hundred percent sure so I don’t want to assume anything.” Wow, talk about ruining the moment. Spoken like a true loser. Go chanyeol.

Baekhyun stares at him. He seems to be having a hard time understanding things at the moment too but at least he can blame it on the alcohol. “What? Are you telling me you don’t want me?”

“Um,” Whoa. Where that come from. He didn’t know how to say ‘yes I want joo’ without sounding like a complete fuckboy so instead opts for a, “Y-you’re very attractive.” Hurriedly with no swag, stammering as he does so, feeling a w k w a r d. No one says things like this out loud these days! Don’t fuck this up, his mind and libido screams at him. But at the same time… Baekhyun’s drunk isn’t he? Does he even know what he’s saying?

“I know,” Baekhyun nods with a slight daze eyed smirk. He’s cute af. “And you want me?”

“I do.” Chanyeol admits in a half whisper. He was scared to say it, to let Baekhyun know already but put on the spot like this he was more scared if Baekhyun thought the opposite. The truth shall set you free.

Baekhyun smiles looking extremely pleased with life. “Okay good.”

He presses against Chanyeol but unlike during their shift where Baekhyun would be close but not close enough no just a tease, this time – their bodies meet perfectly. Their height difference feels as though made for each other. Baekhyun rubs his lips into Chanyeol’s neck, placing wet kisses. Chanyeol can’t believe this is happening Chanyeol can’t even breathe.

“How do you want me?” Baekhyun asks tongue swirling around Chanyeol’s adam’s apple.

Chanyeol’s about to bust a nut forreal.

He’s hard already and its been two seconds since this physical shit even started. Baekhyun can probably feel it no Baekhyun can definitely feel it, there’s no way he can’t, plus he reaches down and squeezes, looking up to smile sweetly at Chanyeol. OH MY GOD –

“That was fast,” Baekhyun comments, stroking Chanyeol through his slacks.

“Ah – ! Ahhhh – fuck,” Chanyeol groans squeezing his eyes shut because this was all too stimulating and he didn’t trust himself not to come right then and there. WAS THIS REAL.

“That is the plan.” Baekhyun grins. “Do you have lube?”

“Wait.” Chanyeol snaps out of it. “Wait. Stop. We can’t … do this… here.”

“You don’t have lube?”

“No! I mean – “

“Then why not?”

There were a million reasons why not! Uh, they were on the clock? It was a filthy mens bathroom at their work for the love of god don’t tell him this did that not bother Baekhyun at all!

“You’re drunk.” Chanyeol says instead, trying not to think too much about how he missed Baekhyun’s lips against his neck already.

Baekhyun laughs. “I’m not that drunk.”

“You’re hella drunk,” Chanyeol says firmly and with great effort pushes Baekhyun off. He regrets it immediately when he sees the flash of hurt on Baekhyun’s face so he rushes to explain. “I don’t want to take advantage of you or anything.”

“Oh god.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes looking offended. His whole demeanor does a 360. He apparently isn’t used to getting ‘no’ for an answer. “Forget it! I should’ve known.”

“Known what?“

“That you are a pussy ass loser bitch noob. This never happened.”

“Baekhyun – what – “ He frowns, hurt. “I’m not a pussy bitch.”

“Pussy ass loser bitch noob,” Baekhyun corrects.

Chanyeol ignores it. “Listen, I do like you, I know we just met but I’ve never felt so strongly for someone before it’s weird and scary but all I know is I like you. You make me happy. I even liked running for you. Seeing you smile… “ Baekhyun’s staring at him with glassy eyes. He seems to have reached the drunk emotional stage of no return. Chanyeol gently puts a hand on his shoulder. “And of course I want you…” He decides to leave out the ‘nice ass’ part ( maybe some other time ) and continues with sincerity, “But this isn’t – you’re drunk. I don’t want it like this.” Chanyeol thinks he did a good job explaining himself but Baekhyun’s facial expression is devoid of anything but drunk anger and rejection.

“No, fuck it. You’re judging me like everyone in the fucking world does. And you’re lying just like everyone else too! So I’ll just go find someone else.” Baekhyun waves him off preparing to leave.

Chanyeol panics. “What the fuck – don’t do that!” Chanyeol shouts, a spike of jealousy and possessive ness and the image of Kris in his mind.

“Why the hell not? I can do whatever I want.”

“You should respect yourself. If you wanna do that, don’t just go to random people when youre drunk. You deserve more and youre better than that.”

Baekhyuns gaze is cold as death. “you don’t know me you don’t know anything. Fuck off. This was a mistake. You can go home. Like I said, I don’t need a runner.” Baekhyun turns his back and when chanyeol tries to grab him shoves chanyeol back with unrestrained anger and strength. Chanyeols back hits the wall. “Don’t ever touch me again.”

Baekhyun walks out after that leaving chanyeol alone in the bathroom. The music plays loudly. But chanyeol doesn’t hear anything but the harsh words replaying themselves in the his head.

He feels like hes been stabbed. Had he fucked up by saying no to baekhyuns advances? He think he did the right thing here. most guys would probably go for it, but this wasn’t okay. It was totally taking advantage if he did what Baekhyun wanted. Shit did Baekhyun even want him or was he the closest available hot blooded male? He didn’t wanna think if this was a normal thing Baekhyun did when hes had too much to drink or if Baekhyun had actually been feeling him.

He knows Baekhyun is more complex than what he lets people see. Most people act the way Baekhyun do if they’ve been hurt before and developed a guard around themselves to avoid being betrayed again. Trust issues and shit. chanyeol doesn’t know why hes so torn up about this because baehyun wasright he didn’t know him at all. But he just felt this strong connection to him. he really fucking like him… the few moments where he got to see Baekhyun smile and laugh made him happy and he didn’t know why. Shit feelings were really such a curse. This is why he stayed single like his whole damn life. Feelings just got in the way and made you depressed.

But Baekhyun…

He couldn’t stop these feelings even if he tried.

He has no idea what to do, he picks up his apron and wraps I around his waist. He looks at himself in the mirror. He looks flushed and sweaty and miserable. He splashes water on his face. It doesn’t help. He feels feverish and a little sick to his stomach the though of Baekhyun hating him.

He sees another apron and realizes Baekhyun forgot his. Hes picking it up when a piece of paper falls out.

To; chanyeol thanks for being an awesome runner. Drinks on me >.> I owe you, remember? 925 237 2372

~Baek

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