#in my mom especially. when i decline attending.
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ECHOES OF RIOT
PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader
SUMMARY ➩ falling inlove with a rockstar is never easy, especially when he returns to your hometown on a successful tour three years after you lost contact
WARNINGS ➩ this is like straight up angst… romance but mostly angst lol.. drug use, some violence, idk can’t really remember this is ridiculously long
WC ➩ 19.1k
AUTHORS NOTE ➩ well this took me forever lol.. i don’t have much to say i just hope you like it. NOT PROOFREAD normally written at 4am lol the usual.. also side note one of the main characters was chaeyoung and i changed her to heejin for obvious reasons so if you see any of her name left over that’s my mistake and that’s why.
You weren’t exactly sure how you ended up like you did, so meek and quiet to the point that it was an actual hinderance on your daily activities.
If you were born like that, just one of those kids that was too shy to talk to their classmates and hid behind their moms legs on the first day of school, you’d completely understand but you’d actually been nearly the opposite for your entire life.
Maybe it was an accumulation of always feeling like you were taking up too much space, being on the receiving end of quick glares from teachers when you lacked volume control or seeing the hesitance on your friends parents faces when they excitedly asked if you could come over for a sleepover. Mixed with your own sudden self awareness going into high school.
You quickly realized that it wasn’t the loud girls getting asked out on dates and it was an almost immediately decline into self intrusion once you made this discovery.
It wasn’t like you necessarily wanted to be asked out by anybody, physically recoiling as your friends gossiped about the mass appointed hottest guys at your school and turning up your nose when they made sleazy attempts to flirt and court the other girls around you, but it felt embarrassing to be constantly left out of romantic group hangouts or discussions about experiences you’d never had.
Still, you had managed to keep a solid group of friends despite your newfound habit of self isolating and they only halfway judged you for your tendency to stay in on the weekends.
On the other half however, they weren’t so forgiving, hence why you were currently stood outside a low scale concert venue shivering so hard you were worried you’d chip a tooth. You were pulling your zip up hoodie tighter around your body and sending glares to your friends who were chatting animatedly about the band they were going to see.
Apparently it was composed of some boys around your age, not attending your school but well known enough that they had been invited to some of your friends parties and events and eventually your friend group had been given tickets to one of their shows.
You weren’t the biggest fan of crowds in general but especially concert goers and you’d been promised that this one would be chill and relaxing, something you automatically knew was a lie the second you left the cab and saw the attire of everybody around you. The line was buzzing with energy and adrenaline and you could hear the acts doing soundcheck from inside, music loud and heavy.
It was freezing and as much as you were dreading being pushed into a crowd with jabbing elbows and sweat rolling off their skin onto yours, you were ready to get out of the line as more and more snow kept falling down onto the uncaring crowd.
“Aren’t you excited?” Your head was turning at the sound of a soft voice coming from your right and you smiled softly at one of your calmer friends.
“Sure Sunoo. It’ll be fun.” You were replying quickly, not needing them to feel awkward or guilty about bringing you just because you didn’t necessarily want to come. You figured he could tell you were lying by the pity filled look he gave you but he didn’t call you out for it.
He didn’t say anything else for a second and he didn’t get a chance before the doors were opening and the line was surging forward, already getting your tickets checked while you waited and turning into a blob of people and excitement all trying to squeeze into the single door.
You were groaning softly at the feeling of being jostled around but you couldn’t help but laugh at the fact all of your friends were linking arms and declaring to stay together, slightly envious of the pure delight on their faces whilst your heart was starting to ache from the anxious way it was pounding. You let yourself be dragged through the crowd by them, closing your eyes for a second when you pushed through the tightest areas and just allowing them to guide you through it.
The venue was more so just a bar with a small stage but your friends had told you that these were the best types of places to see a show at, intimate and ear shattering loud.
They’d said the last half with an enthusiastic giggle but you had winced softly at the image of how close you’d be to the large speakers that you now saw adorning the stage. It was dark in the building and your shoes were sticking to the floor beneath you, lights turned a deep glowing green and something more casual playing over the speakers to fill the silence.
You’d followed behind them as they found a spot near the bar, safely tucked away from the crowd and planning to wait out the opening acts here to preserve their energy. They all agreed to push into the crowd once the main band came out and try to get as close as they possibly could, looking over at you for acceptance and all smiling and patting your back when you gave a sheepish nod.
It wasn’t that bad and you were quickly getting used to it, the thick cloud of cigarette smoke settling over you and only making you slightly dizzy now.
You felt a bit embarrassed and out of place but everybody else was too excited or drunk to notice that you weren’t exactly in the most appropriate attire. Sunoo had shot you a questioning glance when you’d gotten into the shared cab but you only just now realized you weren’t fitting in with the rest of the crowd or your friends even slightly.
The difference between you and them was even more evident when the owner of the bar was stepping onto stage and excitedly announcing the first artists, all your friends cheering and holding onto each other while you sat and watched from one of the bar stools.
You were still able to have fun as you watched them, smiling softly at the way they kept instinctively moving forward together as the music started and they screamed the lyrics. You didn’t recognize the songs that the band was covering but you knew enough about music to tell it sounded amazing, watching them closely as they skillfully played off of each other and got the crowd properly amped up.
You’d never really understood the purpose behind opening acts but you were getting it now considering you were feeling more and more excited for the main band as you kept watching.
Then more time had passed and the crowd had entered that stage of being too excited and too intoxicated to really understand boundaries and limits, a few fights breaking out that your friends didn’t bat an eye at but you were starting to feel a really deep pit building in your stomach.
It only worsened when somebody was hurriedly, and messily, approaching the bar and demanding another drink as he anxiously looked behind him at where you presumed his spot in the crowd was. You were watching him out of the corner of your eye as he ordered, feeling him swaying drunkenly closer to you and wanting to make sure he didn’t accidentally tip over and knock you out of your seat.
Your intuition was astoundingly accurate considering it wasn’t long before somebody else was approaching the man and leaning into his side, sending the both of them tilting over in your direction.
You’d just managed to hop off the bar seat before they were slamming into it but with the speed in which you’d jumped off combined with the sticky floor underneath you, you were skidding forward and landing roughly on your side against the ground.
Neither man seemed coherent enough to notice you had fallen from the height and you could hear them drunkenly laughing with each other from above you. Your friends hadn’t noticed the altercation either and you quickly frowned at the nasty sensation under your hands before you were standing up and swiftly adjusting your skirt.
You were rushing back out towards the entrance before anybody could notice your disappearance, pushing back through the door and immediately being hit by the cold air as the snow continued to build up on the ground. You were sighing and bending down to pick some of it off the sidewalk, rubbing it in your hands and trying to clean them off the best you could with the wetness.
“You’re going to miss the main act.”
You were jumping at the sound of a voice coming from behind you, standing up swiftly and turning around to see somebody leaning against the building and taking a long drag from whatever it was that he was smoking.
“Oh.. yeah I know I just.. had something on my hands.” You were mumbling out towards him and indicating awkwardly at the snow in your hands, realizing how weird it must’ve looked from his angle.
He was laughing softly at your explanation and your face flushed in embarrassment again for the sixth time that night, taking in his attire and knowing he’d be able to tell right away that you weren’t exactly supposed to be here. He was tall, would be even taller if he was standing up straight and it was especially accentuated by the tight fit of his ripped black jeans. You couldn’t see his face super clearly from where he was stood underneath the shaky lights but his hair was messy and in his eyes and you thought you saw a piercing or two shining on his face.
“Who dragged you here?” He was suddenly asking and you froze up again as you looked at him, eyes darting down to his feet for a second nervously.
“My friends got tickets and I couldn’t get out of it.” You were telling him softly and shrugging a bit. A car was driving past on the empty road and you waited for the sounds of the snow crunching under its tires to quiet before you finished. “From the band actually.”
You look back at him just in time to see his eyebrows lift in surprise and then settle into recognition, your own shifting forward in furrowed confusion. The boy was taking a step off the wall then and flicking his cigarette somewhere off near the road, your eyes following the still burning ember as it flew through the air before circling back to him.
“I’ll see you inside then.” His tone was one of a statement and not a question but you were still slightly confused despite the fact you habitually nodded at him.
You let out a big sigh once he was leaving finally, weirdly going through the alley towards what you could only assume was a side entrance and not the door right next to him. It quickly slipped your mind and you decided to wait for the previous act to finish up before you also headed back in.
You crouched back down closer to the snow and continued to try and clean off your hands and parts of your sleeves that had gotten stained from whatever substances were on the floor. The cold was sending waves of shivers through you but you simply ignored the uncomfortable feeling, especially since you figured you’d warm up quickly once you headed back inside.
Eventually you could hear the second opening act thanking the crowd for their intense energy before the familiar voice of the bar owner was back, this time more excited as he announced that the main band was finally coming out on to the stage.
You sighed softly again to yourself before stomping the slush off your boots and heading back through the door, once again being hit by the tight atmosphere that was a lot more sweaty than when you had first walked in and was now practically buzzing with adrenaline.
It was harder than you had planned for to get back to your seat and you almost gave up and just resided to the back of the building but once the band members were finally on stage the crowd surged forward, a gap in the mass of people slightly opened up and you were hurrying through it back towards where your friends had been. They were gone now but you had expected that, knowing they must likely went closer to the stage.
You were just barely settling back into an empty stool when the band was coming out on stage and you frowned when you realized you could barely see them, sitting up slightly and freezing up when you got a better view.
One of the boys was standing center stage and speaking into the mic, presumably introducing them to the crowd who was cheering the loudest they had all night, but your gaze was drifting a few feet to his right to where one of the guitarist was standing.
You immediately recognized him as the boy from outside, a wave of embarrassment washing over you as you remembered how you had been less than enthusiastic about coming and had told him the band invited you and your friends. His surprised expression was making sense to you now and you would’ve turned to face palm if you weren’t stuck staring at him.
He was scanning the crowd for a few seconds and your eyes widened a touch when he was looking in your direction, stopping his wandering gaze as a soft smirk started to build up on his lips.
You were glancing around you to see if there was anything else he could be looking at and then feeling your face heat up alarmingly fast when you realized there wasn’t and he definitely recognized you from your awkward encounter outside.
Then they were starting to play and you were frozen for other reasons, your eyes locked on him and his frame as he started to open the song slow and soft. It wasn’t the type of music you had expected from them just based off of appearance and you were completely transfixed by the way they skillfully moved with their respective instruments, the boys behind the mics voice coming through now.
The crowd was swaying along with the gentle music, calming down into a low buzz like they were being completely controlled by the bands sound and energy.
You sat frozen like that for the entirety of the first song, mouth slightly parted in surprise and watching the boy you’d seen outside as he continued to play. You didn’t know much about guitars but you could tell he was good, his louder than the others and ringing out clear even underneath the distorted vocals.
He wasn’t looking at you anymore because he wasn’t looking at anything at all, leaning back and keeping his eyes shut as he played them through the final half of the first song. He was rocking along with his strums and he seemed just as into it and transfixed as the rest of the building was.
The first song slowed to a stop and you heard the vocalist laugh softly into the mic before he was glancing behind him towards where the drummer was sitting. You watched them curiously as they nodded at eachother in silent communication, amazed at how casual and relaxed they seemed to be in front of all of these people.
“Obviously we know what you’re all here for.” The lead vocalist was speaking into the mic with a small smile and the two guitarist start to build up the intro of the next song. “Watch your elbows and try not to knock anyone out.”
He was laughing as he finished his lighthearted warning but you watched as the crowd surged with excitement and started to move around, coming to life in sync like they were all the same creature and you felt a bit sick at how tight and moving it was quickly becoming. He was starting to sing again in a lower tone and even though the song was still bordering on calm, you could feel it building up along with the energy in the room.
It was closer to what you had expected their music to sound like and although it wasn’t necessarily something you’d keep on during your downtime, you couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy at the way the entire crowd reacted to the explosive chorus.
The drummers voice was rasping underneath the main vocalist now and you quickly understand their previous communication, a smile building on your face as you watched the guitarist from outside staring at them with an unfiltered excitement.
They played more songs and you continued to sit and watch them unmoving, your eyes mostly transfixed on the boy with the guitar until the end of their set. You’d never seen somebody play the way he did and you almost felt like you had no choice but to watch him considering how captivating he looked on stage. Eventually they were shouting their goodbyes towards the crowd and accepting thrown gifts and hands reaching out for contact, all except for the guitarist considering he was just watching and smiling at the crowd for a distance.
You were still watching them as they left the stage and disappeared back into the restricted part of the building, not even noticing when your friends were excitedly bounding back over to you.
“That was fucking awesome.” Heejin was wrapping her arm around your shoulder and shaking you enthusiastically, sweat lining her dyed hair now and making her tattoos glisten under the now red lighting.
“Jungwon somehow sounds 100 times better in person.” You turned your head to see Sunoo coming to sit next to you with an impressed look on his face, shaking his head in disbelief and still watching the empty stage like you were a few moments ago. “Plus I didn’t know Jake could sing like that.”
“He sang at that school event remember? Before Jay got him into drumming.” Riki was quickly explaining and taking a swig of a water bottle he was carrying, still slightly out of breath from the tight and hot crowd.
You watched them talk animatedly about the show with a soft smile and fondness, you were glad they had fun even if you were originally hesitant to come out with them. It had been better than you’d expected and you still felt a little rush of excitement under your skin when you thought about how loud and beautiful the music had been. You’d completely forgotten about falling on the floor or any mishap.
“Are you ready to go then? We don’t want to keep them waiting, they’re probably super tired.” Joonie was turning to smile at you and await your response but her grin faltered when she saw the heavy look of confusion gracing your features. “You didn’t ask her?”
She was moving her head to give an accusatory stare towards the others and Sunoo winced softly at the harshness in her glare. Riki was sighing and scratching the back of his neck before answering. “We figured we’d ask her after she saw them… maybe she’d be more inclined to say yes.”
“Say yes to what?” You were quickly butting in, slightly frustrated that they were talking around you like you weren’t sat right there watching the entire thing.
“The band wanted us to come over to their place after the show.” Heejin was answering hesitantly, watching you with an expectant look like she was already prepared for you to shut them down.
You can’t deny that the thought immediately crossed your mind, beyond used to rejecting hangouts instinctively especially ones that were so small and intimate with people you didn’t know.
Then you were thinking about the way they had performed and how you had felt seeing them have so much fun on the stage, like they never cared about taking up too much space and they certainly weren’t concerned with ever being too loud. You were pausing for a few seconds to think about it even though you already felt like your mind had been made up, meeting your friends waiting stares and giving them a soft nod of approval.
——
You had quickly come to regret your accepting nod on your way to meet up with the boys, packed into a cab with your friends who still vaguely smelled like the inside of the venue and conjoined sweat.
They still seemed excited so you were trying your best to not be a visible mood killer but you were getting more and more anxious the closer you got to where you’d be meeting, not even exactly sure what type of environment you were going into.
It got even worse when the cab was pulling to a stop in front of a house tucked neatly in a lower class suburban area, the dread of having to make small talk in such an intimate setting like one the boys house was making your stomach turn with nausea. You sucked it up and followed behind your friends with held breath, listening as the door opened and they excitedly greeted whoever it was that was behind it.
You eventually filed through and when it was your turn to pass through the doorway, you realized it was Jake who had opened it.
You recognized him from school events like Riki had mentioned before, not attending yours but a few times a year the neighboring schools held community shows and events to bring the area closer together and scout for grants and sponsorships. You distinctly remember Jake sitting on the stage a few years back, looking beyond nervous as he softly strung his acoustic guitar and sang a song that had slipped your memory by now.
It was a striking opposition to what you’d seen him do tonight, both the fact he had been singing so hard his voice was scratching underneath Jungwon’s softer tone and the way he was slamming down on the drums so hard you had been worried he’d break something.
He had a certain buzzing energy to him that helped this make sense, watching him now as he excitedly bounced around your friends like a loose dog as he guided them towards another doorway. You figured he was more full of bottled up excitement over any actual aggressiveness and you continued to silently follow behind them.
You were a bit surprised to be led down to a small finished basement, carefully walking down the carpeted steps and feeling weirdly like you’d been transported back to your own home with how familiar the area looked.
There was a small red light connected to the door with tape and you imagined it was to signal that some sort of recording was going on, a small smile playing up on your face at the irony of the devoted after band having such a simple setup. The smile was immediately slipping off when you were hearing your friends start up rounds of greeting again and you paled with nerves.
“That’s Y/N, she doesn’t talk much.” Riki was quickly saying and you were half grateful he had saved you from awkwardly stuttering out your name and half furious as all sets of eyes turned to look in your direction.
You recognized the lead singer first, looking a lot less intimidating now that he was sitting on the sofa in more comfortable clothes and letting his purple mullet air dry from what you could only assume was a post show shower. You knew his name was Jungwon just from hearing your friends rambles and you filled in the blanks for the rest of the names.
Jay was almost more intimidating off stage than he was on it, losing that playful and excited energy that being in front of a crowd brought and falling into an almost scary silence. If it wasn’t for the gentle way he was picking at an acoustic guitar, a stark difference to the black and shining electric one you’d seen him with on stage.
Your eyes were drifting over to the final person in the room who was busy chatting with Heejin and staring excitedly at her newest tattoos, his hands hovering over her skin but not touching directly like an excited child. Sunoo had told you on the way here that Sunghoon played bass and whilst you weren’t exactly sure what that meant, he seemed the most approachable out of the group.
Minus the member you’d already accidentally approached but he was missing from the current area and you felt a wave of relief rushing through you considering how embarrassed you’d felt seeing him on stage.
You almost fell into autopilot and you listened to the two groups mix and talk casually like they were lifelong friends, an overwhelming feeling of envy sitting in your stomach considering the fact they were so easily able to hold conversation with each other whilst you struggled to even introduce yourself.
Jay had gotten up to put on a record at some point and that made you feel slightly more at ease considering there was no more room for awkward silence, something a lot calmer than what they’d played earlier ringing through the room as they all lounged in different places and started to smoke amongst each other.
Your friends didn’t bother offering any to you considering you had a tendency to say no, not necessarily against smoking or being high but the intimacy of sharing a blunt mixed with the performance anxiety as it was passed around the circle almost on instinct. The other boys must’ve gotten the hint without it needing to be said and they also didn’t try to get you to smoke, leaving you relieved that they weren’t the types to poke fun at you or try to pressure you into it.
It was a lot easier for you to just watch them and get a small contact high, sinking down into your spot on the couch more and relaxing as they started to lose focus and definitely lose the ability to care if you were being awkward.
You were pressed against the side of the sofa even though nobody was sat directly near you, still trying to ensure you were taking up as little space on the furniture as possible in case somebody else wanted to sit or you were simply just in the way. You were grateful you’d developed this habit considering the door to the basement was opening again and you froze up as the light shone in from the top of the stairs.
“Finally, the chosen one has arrived.” Jake was yelling excitedly from somewhere you couldn’t see, laying flat on the carpet behind the round ottoman and you could only barely catch a glimpse of his arms being thrown up in mock praise.
You were staring at the stairs as the boot covered feet started to descend down and you knew who it was before he even reached the point where you could see his upper half, freezing even more at the way his eyes scanned over the unfamiliar faces in the basement before pausing on you.
You awkwardly pulled your sleeves over your hands and glanced back over at Sunoo was sitting in the chair closest to you and the couch, talking to Sunghoon about something you couldn’t quite make it out considering anxiety was fully building up now and you were slightly disoriented from the overstimulation in the room.
Much to your dismay and attempts to stop yourself, your eyes were drifting back over to the boy and you almost groaned when you realized he was still watching you.
Heeseung had, according to Joonie on the way here, been the one to originally start up the band and convince the others to take it as seriously as he did. He was the lead guitarist first and foremost but he dabbled in almost everything, including producing all of their original songs and covers and apparently forfeiting his basement as their studio considering the younger photos of him scattered around the walls.
His baby pink hair was in his face even more now than it had been when you’d saw him smoking outside, littered with random blonde patches that told you he had done it himself, and now you were positive he had multiple piercings throughout his face.
It was only getting worse for you when he was making his way over to the couch and taking the empty middle seat, directly next to you.
You were sat with your feet up on the fabric and hugging your knees close to your chest but you imagined if you’d been sat normally then your thighs would be press against his that had lost the tight ripped jeans and were now sporting some more casual black sweatpants.
“You want this Hee?” Sunghoon was saying from where he was sat on the floor besides Sunoo on the chair.
You glanced over to the boy just in time to see him shake his head in denial and a wave of surprise and relief washed over you, grateful you wouldn’t be the only one not smoking anymore. “You don’t smoke?” Riki was asking and Heeseung seemed to instinctively shake his head no.
Jay snorted out a half laugh half scoff and you watched the pink haired boy shoot him a sharp glare before his eyes were drifting over to you, almost like he was checking your reaction. Your eyebrows were furrowed forward in confusion, wondering why he was lying about smoking, he must’ve forgotten the fact you’d seen him outside with a cigarette only a few hours before.
Everybody fell back into their own individual conversations again and you started to relax finally, listening to the music playing softly in the smoke filled room.
“So did you end up liking it then?” Heeseung’s voice was coming from beside you and you looked over towards him with widened eyes, not expecting him to directly address you.
“W-what?” You were stuttering out and then immediately flushing in embarrassment when a concerned look passed over his intimidating face. He seemed nice enough but your closed mind couldn’t look past the piercings and the eyeliner still staining around his large eyes.
“The show.” He was quickly explaining, looking slightly embarrassed himself that you hadn’t understood what he was talking about. “You didn’t seem too excited when you were outside.”
You froze up in your spot considering he was directly referencing the conversation you’d had outside, in which you had told him begrudgingly and in complaint that you hadn’t been able to get out of going to the show that he was performing at. You didn’t respond for a few seconds and you were grateful that everybody was too stoned to keep up with your awkward conversation.
“It was… you guys were very..” You trailed off when you saw the expectant look on his face and you cleared your throat a bit, eyes darting down to the double piercings going through the thin skin of his lips and then back up to his eyes. “It was cool.”
“Just cool?” His lip was curling softly up into a half smirk at your extremely vague answer, shifting in his place on the couch so he was facing you better and you tried not to be extremely weird about the fact his arm was resting on the back of the sofa now and therefore his hand was dangling on the other side of your shoulders.
“Super cool?” You offered in a squeaky voice, wincing as your shoulders curled in on themselves.
He laughed softly at your answer and you were relieved that he found it somewhat funny and wasn’t totally offended that you didn’t have a string of compliments prepared for him. You did like the show much more than you thought you would and if you were able to get ahold of yourself, you would’ve told him how impressed you were as you watched him play.
But you weren’t that lucky and you knew you’d be stuck giving him half true statements that didn’t actually show how you truly felt about the set, turning your head back to face forward so you didn’t have to look at his face anymore.
You weren’t exactly sure why he had come to talk to you out of everybody in the room, knowing he was obviously a lot closer to his band mates and had even hung out with your male friends a few times from your knowledge in group settings. Joonie had told you that she thought the two of you were a bit similar considering he was also rarely at social events but you highly doubted the comparison considering the way he looked performing in front of an adoring and expectant crowd.
Still, you thought about the way he hung back at the end of the final song instead of interacting with the fans like the other members had and the fact you hadn’t been surprised when he wasn’t present in the basement at first.
“Are you two actually talking to each other or just sitting in weirdo silence?” Your head was picking back up to look over at Heejin who was sitting on the other side of the couch, next to Heeseung but leaning far enough away towards Jake and Jungwon that they didn’t touch at all.
You didn’t need to look at her to know who she was referring to but your stomach dropped a little when you met her gaze and confirmed she was referring to you, the others in the room also looking over considering her statement.
Heejin was in no way mean to you and she was actually your longest friend out of the group, knowing her since middle school which meant she was around to watch your social decline. She made jokes sometimes or pushed you too far out of your comfort zone but you always took it as her way of trying to help you loosen up like she knew you could, always stopping whenever you got visibly too overwhelmed or uncomfortable.
You weren’t sure if it was the presence of people she admired or the buzz of a high settling over her that caused her to make the comment but it clearly crossed a line the two of you had silently established throughout the years, your face dropping at the unwanted attention.
“Heeseung is the master of weirdo silence.” Jake was adding on from the floor again and you could hear him giggling nonsensically, sitting up so you could see his head past the ottoman and frown at him.
“Yeah well I’d rather talk to..” Heeseung was starting harshly before trailing off and glancing over at you with a raised eyebrow. You paused for a few seconds and stared at him in confusion but realizing he was waiting for you to tell him your name, quickly whispering it to him and trying to ignore the small smile he gave you before turning back to look at the others. “I’d rather talk to Y/N than you deadbeats.”
The boys in the room were breaking out into small fits of laughters and instigating choruses of “Oo’s”. Fanning their hands out like they’d been burned and only settling down when Heeseung was rolling his eyes and sinking further into the couch.
Luckily they all seemed to let it go after that even though you were still left with a deeper pit in your stomach because of Heejin’s random dig at both you and Heeseung, roping him in to your anti social behavior and giving his own friends the opportunity to pile on top of it.
You were glancing over at him again from the corner of your eye, hesitantly shifting to try and catch his attention again. His gaze was snapping back to your face when you moved slightly and his eyebrows raised in question again, a lot softer than they had been when he was asking for your name and snapping back at your friends. You watched the way the metal balls surrounding his eyebrow stretched with the movement before licking your dry lips and speaking.
“Thanks.” The word slipped from your lips in a small breath and once again you felt disappointed that it was all you had managed to say, wishing you were able to express your gratitude to him more.
He didn’t seem to mind and his shoulders were lifting in a small shoulder, watching you curiously. “It’s no big deal. I don’t talk much either.”
“Even though you do all… that?” You were asking before you even processed the question falling from your lips and he looked equally surprised as you that you were continuing the conversation without needing prompting.
“Like perform?” His voice was lower now as you started to talk more and you had a feeling he didn’t want the others to listen in and find a way to intervene again. You gave him a soft nod, grateful he had understood your vague wording. “It’s different, I don’t really think of it like that. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m there in front of all those people.”
If you’d heard him say that last week or even this morning, you would’ve not fully understood what exactly he was trying to explain to you. Even now you were still a bit confused on what exactly the feeling was like but you immediately understood what he was referring to, remembering the way he was closing his eyes and leaning with the music like he was in his own world.
You must’ve fallen silent for too long as you were thinking about it and what that could possibly be like, how it would feel to live a life with that sort of overwhelming passion, because he was clearing his throat and shifting again.
“It’s like… well what do you do?” He was starting to try and find an analogy, assuming you didn’t understand and you froze up at the direct question.
“What do I do?” You were repeating back to him for clarification and he nodded earnestly, waiting to hear your answer. “I don’t think I really do anything.”
He seemed taken back by that and you were slightly embarrassed that you’d failed to answer his question properly. You’d thought about it before, being at the age where you should have something you were passionate about or a hobby that motivated you in some way.
You never really did much of anything on your own and you’d yet to find anything that gave you that sort of spark he’d be referring to, the type of spark that would cause you to do what you loved even if it meant pushing yourself past your limits or standing on a stage like you were born for it.
“What are you doing this weekend?” He was suddenly rushing out and your eyes widened in surprise again at the fact his voice had come out much louder now, like he’d forced himself to say it. You didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then you were shaking your head to signal that you weren’t doing anything set in stone. “Come to our next show.”
“To your show?” You were repeating in bewilderment and he was nodding his head quickly as he scanned over your face hesitantly, wondering if you were going to reject him. Eventually you were biting the inside of your cheek after contemplating for a while and glancing at him. “O-okay.. yeah sure.”
——
“Y/N, the phone for you.” Your mothers screaming voice was floating up the stairs and you groaned softly into your pillow, laying on your stomach and overthinking the events of the previous weekend like you had been for days.
It was pretty uneventful after your conversation with Heeseung, both falling into a silence or offering small laughs and quick glances as you listened to your friends talk and get to know each other better. He must’ve been telling the truth about not talking much because nobody looked over at him once expectantly although you noticed his band mates keeping an eye on the two of you occasionally.
Eventually you and your friends had left the basement and the pink haired boy had spared you a quick wave through the window as the taxi pulled off.
You’d listened to your friends excitedly talk the entire way back to your neighbors and pry you for details about what you’d been talking about with him, not noticing the bitter expression on your face when you noticed how surprised they seemed that he’d chosen to speak to you.
Now it was Thursday and you were thinking about it all again, replaying it over and over and finding something new to be embarrassed about each time you did. Heeseung was surprisingly soft spoken and slightly awkward considering his appearance but you knew it held no parallel to how terrible you were at socializing.
“Y/N.” Your mom was screaming again and this time you rolled over as you groaned, letting it fill the room before you were getting off your bed and heading down the stairs.
Your mom was standing there with the phone in her hand, watching you with an excited expression and your face was pulling forward in confusion as your steps hesitantly slowed to a stop. “It’s a boy.” She was whispering and pointing at the phone with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
You were snatching the phone away from her and walking around the corner into the hallways, stretching the chord as far as it could possibly go and waving a dismissive hand at your mom when she was poking her around the corner in curiosity.
“Hello?” You were breathing into the phone and it was a heavy silence for a few seconds before you could hear somebody clearing their throat on the other side.
“Hey Y/N, it’s Heeseung.” He was announcing and you froze up at the sound of his soft voice coming through your speaker, clutching the phone tighter in your hand and shifting it against your ear. “Um.. like the guitar guy.”
You were laughing softly at the fact he felt the need to specify, most likely growing nervous from your extended silence. “I know who you are Heeseung.”
“Cool… yeah cool.” He was breathing back and letting out his own nervous laugh, a small smile building on your face at how awkward he seemed now. You liked how different he was in each setting, confident and sensual on stage and casual and calm when surrounded by his friends in a familiar area. Now you were seeing what he was like on his own, mirroring a personality similar to yours.
“D-did you need something?” You tried to keep your tone light so he didn’t think you were bothered by the fact he had called despite your confusion over how he’d gotten your number or what exactly he wanted.
Your heart was racing slightly as you listened to him inhale over the phone, feeling a bit ridiculous over your own reactions but you couldn’t help but think about his soft pink hair and the piercings your mom would definitely disapprove of. She glared at Heejin’s bare skin every time she came over during the summer so you couldn’t imagine her reaction to seeing Heeseung’s group of friends.
“I was just calling to make sure you were still going to the show and Sunghoon said I should tell you to bring your friends.” He was explaining in a low tone and you could hear shushing in the background, your smile widening at the realization he was around some of his friends. “I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to convince Heejin to give him a tattoo but it would be safer anyways with more people.”
“Alright, yeah we’ll be there.” You were telling him back swiftly and you surprised yourself by how naturally it came out of your mouth, no stutter or hesitation.
“Cool.” You could almost hear the smile in his voice as he said the word again, almost repeating it like he did the first time but seemingly catching himself before he did. “I’ll see you there then?”
“Yeah… yeah you will.”
——
“So he like directly invited you.” Riki was asking for the sixth time that night and you sighed softly when he was bumping his elbow into your arm with a smile on his face, clearly excited about the recent development in your life.
“Is it that surprising?” Your tone was stiff along with your posture, somehow once again finding yourself in a cold line outside of a random concert venue downtown.
“Not at all Y/N.” Sunoo was quickly interjecting once he realized you were taking offense to their over excitement, offering him a small tired smile due to his habit of trying to make you feel better. “We are just happy for you.”
You were about to remind him that there was no reason to be happy or excited and that you and Heeseung had just gotten along, nothing else, but you were interrupted by the staff who was checking tickets approaching your group. You watched as he took a look at Riki’s and then his school ID, promptly marking his hand with a solid black X before he was turning towards you expectantly.
He was looking at your ID with a bored expression but before he was able to hand it back to you and give you a similar marking, he paused and did a double take as he looked at the words. “Y/N? You’re on the list.”
“The list?” Your voice was soft in confusion and buried under the sound of your friends excited squeals and laughters, feeling Joonie’s hands come up to squeeze your shoulders and shake you softly.
You weren’t understanding what was happening until you were being moved forward, hearing Heejin clarify that you all were allowed early entry before she was smiling brightly and practically caring you with the rest of them as you entered the venue ahead of everybody else. You felt a flush come up to your cheeks when you realized that Heeseung had clearly mentioned you to the staff of the building and that’s why you were currently skipping the line and heading towards the back of the venue.
It was a different place than last time, bigger and seemingly more concert specific in comparison to the bar you were at last time.
The staff member was leading you down a hallway until you were stopped in front of a door with chipping paint, a piece of paper stuck to it with tape and the bands name in big sharpie letters. You smiled softly at their names all scribbled around the bold font, knowing they must’ve stuck it outside themselves as a mock dressing room.
You felt a wave of anxiety rush up with the employee was knocking on the door twice before turning to head back outside and control the growing crowd but you didn’t have any time to panic before it was being thrown open.
“You came.” Heeseung’s eyes were wide as he looked down at you in surprise and you were parting your lips to answer him before your friends were impatiently pushing into the room, practically shoving you forward into him.
He helped steady you when you made a small noise of surprise and you were glancing up at him in embarrassment, face undoubtedly red considering he was holding onto your arms even once your feet were flat on the ground. “You look…”
You felt overwhelming self conscious when his gaze was dropping down, scanning over your outfit and body before meeting your eyes again. You’d mistakenly let Heejin and Joonie dress you after they practically spent two hours begging, remembering how awkward you felt being improperly dressed last time.
It felt even worse to be in clothes you weren’t at all used to or comfortable with and you couldn’t tell what Heeseung was thinking just based off his expression.
“It looks really good.” He was breathing out finally and you felt a wave of relief at his statement, and then self judgment for caring what he thought in the first place. “Are you sure you’ll be comfortable though? I have a sweater you can wear.”
You froze up slightly as he continued to speak to you in a calm voice, somehow sensing your anxiety over the outfit despite only speaking to you a few times. You were half flattered that he cared enough to lend you some clothes and half humiliated that he could tell you didn’t normally wear things like this.
He must’ve seen outfits like this on hundreds of girls every time he had a show, knowing half the crowd would be dressed similarly to you but wearing it with a confidence and aura that you severely lacked. You didn’t have an overwhelming presence like Heejin or an alluring personality like Joonie and you’d always felt bland in comparison.
You were awkwardly glancing around the makeshift dressing room and pleased to see your friends and the band engaging in their own excited conversations and not paying you any mind.
Then your gaze was landing on one of the mirrors across the room and you were freezing up when you caught sight of you and Heeseung, still standing closer than you’d thought you were with his hands touching your arms. You almost didn’t recognize yourself for a second and despite how awful the clothes felt against your skin, you couldn’t deny that you looked good standing next to him and his similar aesthetic.
“I’ll be alright.” You were turning back to him to answer his question definitively and you tried to hold eye contact with him for a second, easier considering his hair was falling into his face again.
He was wearing eyeliner like he had been the first time you’d seen him outside the venue but it was a lot bolder and messier this time, making his eyes even bigger than they already were but completely changing his energy and appearance in comparison to the version of him you’d seen in his basement.
“Are you nervous?” You weren’t sure why that was the next thing you said to him but his eyes lit up when you whispered the question, staring up at him with wide eyes and saying it so softly he almost didn’t catch it underneath the loud crowd in the distance and your friends behind him.
“I’m excited.” He was responding back and you knew he meant it, no sign of apprehension or hesitation on his face.
You’d never seen somebody look as intense as Heeseung did when he talked about performing, his entire demeanor changing from the awkward boy who you’d been speaking to, almost seeming unsure of himself after every sentence. He didn’t even seem to think at all when he spoke about music or being on stage and you watched him curiously as he rambled on about how it felt to be up there.
You figured he probably knew you wouldn’t ever be able to understand what he was talking about unless you did it yourself but you still felt giddy that he wanted to explain it to you.
He talked about it until another team member was poking his head in to let the boys know that soundcheck was about to start and then the doors would open, also being you and your friends queue to go and get spots in the front row.
“I’ll see you out there then?” He was smiling down at you and giving a gentle squeeze to your arm that he was still holding, your own breaking out on your face despite trying to withhold and you gave him a small nod of approval before he was disappearing out the door after the others.
Your friends were obviously excited for having caught the end of your interaction and although you rolled your eyes as they begun to tease you, you couldn’t rid yourself of the bright grin you were catching between your lips and you started to head back out into the hallway and towards where the crowd would be standing.
You felt okay for now but you were starting to get more and more anxious at the realization that soon the mass of people would surge inside towards you and you’d be stuck in your place against the barricade, white knuckling it as you contemplated heading to the back of the venue and watching from there instead so you wouldn’t embarrass yourself by having a panic attack right in front of the band.
“You know..” Heejin was leaning in against your side to whisper into your ear and you felt her hand squeezing your side affectionately. “Jake said that Heeseung’s never invited anybody to a show before.”
She was pulling away just in time to see your eyes widen in surprise, followed by your face flushing a bright red at the knowing look she was giving you. “Not even his family?”
You knew that the bands music wouldn’t necessarily be everybody’s personal taste, especially those of an older generation, but you couldn’t help but feel slightly confused that he wouldn’t ever ask anybody to come watch him perform. He was clearly proud of what he had created and more passionate than anyone you’d met before.
“It’s just him and his dad I guess.” She was shrugging softly and glancing up at the stage as she spoke. “Apparently he’s a huge hard ass about him doing music.”
Your face was falling into a small frown at what she was saying but you didn’t have a chance to respond before the lights were shutting off and immediately being replaced by the same red ones the other venue had put on for their set, hearing the sounds of the doors opening and feet swiftly approaching the stage.
Anxiety was immediately building up as you were getting more and more constricted in the crowd but you felt slightly better knowing your friends were around you, feeling Riki not so subtly shift his position so he was stood behind you and you weren’t going to be subject to any stranger pressing into your body.
You were going to turn and give him a grateful smile but you were cut off by the sounds of the crowd screaming louder than you’d ever heard, confused on what was causing it before you realized the boys were already coming out onto the stage.
They were only silhouettes at first without the spotlights turned on but you could tell it was Sunghoon who had ended up directly in front of you, glancing across the stage to see Heeseung on the other side beside Jungwon again like he had been the other weekend.
Then the lights were coming on, soft enough to keep the red glow but illuminating each member and their instruments. You smiled widely and couldn’t help the scream that leapt from your throat, joining in with your friends and the rest of the crowd as excitement started to fill you. You’d never been in a setting like this before and you were quickly understanding why it was so addicting.
You were already watching Heeseung from the moment he stepped on stage so you definitely didn’t miss the way his eyes were scanning the front section of the crowd, only settling once they passed by you before quickly backtracking as a smile curled up on his lips.
Jungwon was starting to speak into the mic and introduce them like you’d heard him do last week but you were preoccupied, watching the pink haired boy and giving him a small nod of acknowledgment with a soft smile.
Then the show was starting and you quickly realized that what you had seen last time was nothing in comparison to actually being in the crowd, an energy taking over you that you didn’t even know you possessed. You were dancing along with Heejin and gripping Sunoo’s arm in excitement as he screamed and sang along, all the while keeping your eyes on Heeseung.
He was almost like a completely different person on stage, more than just his energy considering the fact even his gaze was new to you. He was a lot more intimidating when he was staring down at you with hooded eyes, the eyeliner more smudge now and thankfully distracting you from the skillful way his fingers moved along the guitar strings.
It was hard not to think about him to the level you’d been trying to deny when he was looking at you for almost the entirety of the show, seemingly checking on you when the crowd got particularly wild and at other times almost looking smug because of how transfixed you seemed. His lip would curl into a cocky smirk that you didn’t even think he could manage and you’d feel your heart thump alive in a way it never had before.
You spent the next few months following this exact routine with him.
Every week, in the middle of it or sometimes as early as the day after a show, he’d call your house and your mom would yell your name up the stairs. He’d softly invite you to the next show and you’d excitedly tell him that you’d be there, despite knowing he already knew the answer and you knowing he just liked to hear you say it.
Sometimes you’d take your friends with you but eventually you got comfortable enough to go by yourself, you’d be let in early with a small smile to the bouncers and you’d always ask him the same question before he got on stage.
“Are you nervous?” You’d say for the dozenth time even though you knew by now that he wasn’t but every single time his eyes would light up with that fire and passion that you’d been so sucked in by and he’d always repeat the same words back in the same tone.
“I’m excited.”
Heeseung liked it best when you came to his shows so you did it every weekend you were free, even when you’d get too overwhelmed and have to sit in the dressing room or behind the stage if it was available, he just liked knowing you were there to see him and he expressed it to you every single time.
You got closer over that time outside of watching him play too, taking longer to get over that awkwardness you both carried outside of the venues when the adrenaline died down but eventually you’d stopped hanging out solely within your respective groups and started to spend some time alone together.
He’d pick you up in his shitty run down car and your mom would glare at him from the living room window, watching his hair go from pink to blue then to a red that had taken you back a few steps with its brightness when you’d first seen it.
“That’s.. a strong choice.” You’d said after you buckled your seatbelt and you were reaching forward to run your hand through it before you even had a second to think about it.
“My dad hates the color red.” Was all he had responded with and you watched the side of his face as he smiled softly and put the car into drive.
Heeseung wasn’t the most stable person to be around at times but you eventually realized that you’d never felt as comfortable taking up space as you did when you were with him, an addicting feeling that you almost had no choice but to lean forward into and you were thankful that he was always around to catch you.
You’d sit in the basement with the boys as they practiced new songs and Jake had even attempted to teach you to play some songs on the guitar, going to him for help because it felt less intimidating than asking one of the actual guitar players.
It was somehow easy to mesh into their routines and hobbies despite how different you were than them and your most fun high school memories all featured your old friends and new ones hanging out together, all packed into booths at late night diners after a particularly good show or getting makeshift tattoos from Heejin in the familiar basement that you’d spent most of the year in by the time graduation rolled around.
Heeseung was a year older than you and already graduated before you’d met him but he’d made sure to attend and watch you and your friends walk, minus Riki who still had a year left.
You’d all rushed out of the ceremony hall and squished in his car so you could drive across town and watch the rest of his friends at their own school, cheering for them all in your different colored graduation gowns and ignoring the embarrassed look on Jungwon’s face when he gave his class president speech at the beginning.
There were a lot of highs but it all came with lows too and those took you longer to adjust to.
You weren’t exactly sure how to handle it when Heeseung would show up at your house late at night, sometimes bleeding from various places on his face or panting like he’d run all the way there. You’d quickly pull him inside and ignore your moms questioning shout asking who was at the door.
Eventually you had sat her down after dinner and told her that sometimes Heeseung had issues with his dad and he didn’t have anywhere else to go, which was a slight lie on your part but you knew it felt true to him considering he never considered any other options before heading in your direction even if it was across town and a lot less welcoming than one of his friends houses.
She never was a big fan of him, of any of your friends but especially him, despite the gentle way he always said hello to her upon entry and his countless attempts to get on her good side. You’d tried to explain to him that it wasn’t anything personal or anything he was doing wrong and it was just how your mother was but he seemed particularly upset about it despite normally not caring what people thought of him.
“It’s your mom, it’s different.” He was stressing his words to emphasize that it was because she was related to you that it mattered to him and you were furrowing your eyebrows and turning to look at him.
You were sat on your bed together, two months before it happened, and sharing a pair of headphones that was playing a scratchy demo of a song he’d been working on. You were popping the tape out of the device so it would stop abruptly as you sat up a little bit to be able to see his face better.
“Why do you say stuff like that?” You were asking him and he sighed softly like he always did when you begun to pry for answers regarding his behavior towards you.
Despite the way you felt around him and the fact you’d practically become inseparable in the summer following graduation, you’d never directly talked about what your relationship was or even crossed a line that would definitely give you an unspoken answer. Outside of some longing glances and hands resting a little too low on your back, you’d remained pretty platonic other than your own inner thoughts and emotions.
“Don’t know.” He was mumbling softly as he looked at you and you squinted your eyes at him in disbelief but eventually you sighed and shifted back so you were resting against your headboard again, shoulder pressed into his tightly.
When it finally happened, you pretty much assumed that your life was going to abruptly end.
The boys had been growing in popularity now that they were out of school and able to do music full time, still underaged but building enough connections with the local music scene and venues to be able to play more frequently and to older and grittier crowds.
Mixed with the rise of the internet and MTV music videos filled with long haired rockstars and half naked women, it didn’t take long for their talents to get noticed by a few different people who swore they were from the next big company and could guarantee to make Echoes of Riot each millionaires respectfully, offers that were all swiftly turned down by Heeseung (with the advice of Sunoo who had begun to fill a management like role within the group).
You’d never paid much mind to what stardom would mean for the boys despite believing to the deepest part of your heart that they deserved it and were more talented than most the people you heard over the radio. For some reason, some childish idiotic reason, you figured they’d spend the rest of your lives being teenagers playing in bars around your small hometown.
Then one night after a particularly long show, all the boys panting and sweaty as they headed back to their dressing rooms, a man had approached them similarly to the way others did almost nightly.
You knew right away that something was different this time and your friends did too, watching silently as the group stopped in their steps towards the back rooms and actually begun to pay attention to what the man was saying. Heeseung’s eyes were flickering up to yours and you raised your eyebrows at him from where you sat at the bar, shifting out of your seat when he beckoned you closer with a quick flick of his fingers.
The rest of your friends followed you and all of you made your way back to the rooms with the band and the man.
He didn’t seem at all bothered by the additional people in the room as he started to repeat his pitch behind closed doors and your heart started to clench nervously when you realized why he seemed so different.
Min Yoongi actually cared about the music quality and spreading a proper message through your work and performances, opening his monologue with descriptions of how he felt hearing and watching the videos Riki had been posting online of the group and you watched as his eyes twinkled with a passion you’d only ever seen before from the boy sitting next to you.
His hand was resting on your arm and draping over your shoulder on the couch but he couldn’t have been further away from you in that moment, holding onto every word Yoongi was saying and leaning forward occasionally to enthusiastically agree with something he was saying.
It was a jarring change after seeing him barely give the other music people a second of his time for the last few months but you understood that they had this connection you simply weren’t capable of understanding, a mutual trust built through having the same dream and passion and by the end of the first meeting, even without anything even halfway confirmed, you knew things were going to change from then on out.
Yoongi didn’t have a lot of money to invest into the boys but he was dedicated to promoting them and helping them with levels of production you’d only get with decades of experience, upping their discography to even higher levels and it wasn’t long before he was proving himself right.
“Tour?” Your voice was breaking around the word Heeseung had just said, continuing his sentence afterwards but you hadn’t heard a thing he’d said after that, your ears ringing as your face paled. “You’re leaving?”
He was faltering at the unexpected upset in your voice and you would’ve felt guilty for not matching his level of enthusiasm but you couldn’t help the wave of panic overwhelming you as you continued to try and process what he was saying.
“Hey, hey Y/N listen to me.” His voice was soft and you could feel his hand reaching forward to touch and cup your cheek, softly swiping his thumb over your smooth hot skin and shifting on the bed so he was closer to you. “It would only be for a few months, then I’d be coming back. We’d all be coming back.”
You’d somehow not processed the fact that going on tour meant the other boys would be also leaving with him and another wave of sickness swept over you at the realization you’d be losing most of your friends in one swoop, the most constant and positive thing in your entire life since you’d met them.
“I don’t want to leave, baby you know I’d never just leave.” He was quickly continuing when he realized he’d made it worse and your eyes shot up to him at the use of the pet name falling from his lips so casually despite never hearing it directed towards you before. He didn’t even seem to notice that he had said it and he was continuing on despite the surprise on your face. “But… I mean this is it.”
His words were vague but you knew exactly what they meant.
This was the end of the road for the life you’d been so happily living because despite how content and happy you were watching them play small and intimate shows, Heeseung had this hunger for more that would never be satisfied in a place like your hometown.
He didn’t mean to break your heart of course and you were definitely at fault for stupidly falling in love with a rockstar, falling victim to the oldest cliche in the book as you sat at the bus station and cried into Joonie’s shoulder. You watched as their tour bus got further and further out of sight before it was turning a corner and disappearing with all of them on it.
Things were the roughest they’d ever been for the first few months the boys were gone.
Your typical routine had been shattered and you were back to existing like a corpse, moving around from one task to the next with no real excitement or purpose. You’d never necessarily gained one but being around somebody as passionate and driven as Heeseung was like getting a secondhand high and you’d been riding the wave of his interest for the last year, now alone out at sea and stuck scrubbing the counters of a coffee shop in the small downtown area of your city.
You tried to write for the first month or two but eventually it got too hard for you to handle and you started to let Heeseung’s letters pile up. He’d still call your home phone but your mom stopped letting you know when he did and sometimes you’d hear her softly telling him that you weren’t feeling good and she’d have you call back later. She never brought it up and neither did you.
He’d call Heejin and Riki too and sometimes you’d hear his voice when you were talking to Sunoo on the phone. He’d went with them on tour after Yoongi had asked him to be their official team manager, giving him more time to handle the business side of things while Sunoo dealt with their personal schedules and issues. You’d listen to your friend lie and say he was talking to his sister and you’d thank him softly as he sighed and asked why you couldn’t just talk to your shared friend.
You didn’t know how to explain that Heeseung was something you needed to get clean from and hearing from him in small doses would make it ten times harder for you to function.
It was too much to say that his letters kept you awake all night crying as you read about how much he missed you followed by random sketches and song lyrics he was writing about you. They wouldn’t understand why you dropped a full plate of food the first time you heard them on the radio at work or why you stayed up all night to see their first actual interview on TV.
Eventually people stopped mentioning the band to you or at least spoke like the main guitarist and face of the group didn’t exist. It was easy enough to avoid for the first six months and then the articles started to roll out.
The boys hadn’t come home after their first tour and they were “temporarily” staying out in New York where there was more of a network and better opportunities. Part of you was grateful Heeseung hadn’t moved back to town, knowing you’d run into him eventually but you couldn’t stop thinking about him regardless considering the news being put out with his name on the headlines.
“That’s his third fight this week Sunoo.” You were spitting over the phone, balancing it between your shoulder and ear as you aggressively scrubbed at a dish that’d already been clean for the past few minutes. “Aren’t you supposed to be keeping them in check?”
“You don’t think I’m trying Y/N?” His voice was exhausted and desperate and you felt bad immediately for snapping at him, knowing your real anger didn’t result from him. “I have no idea what to do, I’ve never seen him like this.”
All the boys had been subject to some controversy as they continued to gain quick fame and admirers but like always, your brain was laser focused on Heeseung. He was getting into drunken fights routinely and being reported with multiple women who may or may not be fans who like to kiss and tell, photos of him and the other boys looking worse and worse each passing weekend as their rockstar lifestyle truly blossomed into an absolute disaster.
Eventually you started to find yourself ignoring the news again, becoming accustomed to it and already knowing what it was going to be every time Riki sighed entering your job and slid a magazine in your direction.
Three years passed like this and while you had stopped crying every night from how much you missed Heeseung and your other friends, if you could even consider them that considering the lack of communication over the years, you still felt that empty feeling in your skin as you robotically went about your routines and lifeless activities that didn’t hold any real purpose or grand result.
At the end of the third year, stretching into a point where you’d been away from Heeseung longer than you were ever with him, Heejin had told you that the band was back in town.
She’d called you and hesitantly let you know that she had run into Jay at the local grocery store a few hours ago, citing that she hadn’t thought much about it until she was back at her tattoo shop and thinking about you possibly running into one of the boys for as long as they stuck around this time. You’d thanked her for the heads up and then buried your head into your arms in upset, both at how little distance was between you and Heeseung and also regarding the fact Sunoo hadn’t even bothered to tell you they were around.
Half of you expected it, knowing you weren’t teenagers anymore standing in a cold concert line and he didn’t owe you any update on his whereabouts, clearly not telling Heejin either considering her shock upon seeing a familiar face.
Joonie however seemed to know all about it when you hesitatingly mentioned it over lunch with her and Riki after he’d asked you why you seemed so on edge. “Well it’s been on their tour show list for like four months.”
“And you didn’t think to tell anyone?” Riki was voicing your thoughts before you could and his face was curled up in annoyance and betrayal as he shoved a fry into his mouth, clearly just as caught off guard as you and hurt considering he’d also gotten close to the members before they’d left and he was friends with Sunoo for as long as you.
“You always tell me not to talk about them in front of Y/N.” She was whining out and you glanced at the younger boy who looked slightly sheepish as she said something he clearly meant to keep private.
She wasn’t necessarily wrong and you’d grown to realize being around her was going to be hard considering how big of a fan she remained of the band even after their decline into scandal, simultaneously acting like any other fan girl and somehow also constantly bragging to others about how she knew them personally before they’d blown up. Maybe she had mentioned their return at some point but it’d been years since you started to tune her out.
“So they’re not staying?” You were finally speaking again, your voice weak and curious and she gave you a knowing look before nodding and patting your hand.
You weren’t sure why you felt overwhelmingly disappointed that they’d eventually leave again despite the fact you planned to spend the entire time they were here avoiding them and hiding out in your apartment. It was probably for the same reason she was giving you a pity filled look and Riki was picking at the skin around his nails.
It only took a few days for Joonie to push the limit on how much of her interest in the band you could take, answering her late night call to hear her hysterical as she screamed over the sound of passing cars and told you she’d completely stalled on the highway and was going to miss the show.
You told yourself that you began immediately putting on your shoes and grabbing your keys because you were a good friend and you kept repeating it in your head the entire drive to her location, swearing over and over that it had nothing to do with putting yourself closer to Heeseung. Even after her and her two friends had gotten in your car with his face on their tshirts, you swallowed your tongue and promised your heart it wasn’t for any other reason.
It wasn’t because you wanted to see the thousands of fans outside the arena, the show being on the nicer side of town and twenty minutes away from the venues they used to hold small performances for.
They thanked you continuously as you parked and then Joonie was pulling you aside to guilty whisper that you’d need to get your parking validate to be able to leave and return to pick them back up. A wave of nausea rolled over you but you were still convincing yourself you didn’t care so you swallowed your sickness and gave her a tight smile before following them outside the car.
“The booths over there.” She was telling you once you’d gotten inside and she had a wide smile on her face that matched her friends, clutching her ticket and practically beaming with excitement. “So we’ll see you at 11:30?”
“Mhm.” You didn’t trust your voice enough to speak and not give away how you were feeling so you hummed out a response to her question you barely processed before watching them squeal and walk towards the actual check in and entrance.
You rubbed your fingers together anxiously before glancing to your right and sighing seeing the line of people waiting to get their parking validated, teenage girls who looked like they barely could drive mixed in with dads and boyfriends who looked just as exhausted and irritated as you were starting to feel.
For a second you considered just leaving the girls there and asking Heejin or Riki to pick them up afterwards so you could drink yourself delirious and forget you’d ever been this close to the band but your heart clenched thinking about them having to experience the same thing and you told yourself again that you were trying to be a good friend.
You’d been standing in the line for twenty minutes, holding onto your last strand of patience and curiously listening to the fans around you talking about the boys with so much awe and wonderment.
You couldn’t help but smile at some things, hearing them gush about Jungwon’s cheeks or rave about how sexy Sunghoon’s newest guitar was and you felt a bit stupid for the pride filling your chest. You’d been avoiding them and their music, never listening to anything they’d put out in recent years but you felt happy for them knowing they were still igniting that same excitement in people even if they seemed to have lost the passion themselves.
It was almost exactly twenty one minutes later when you were feeling something tap against your shoulder, whipping your head to the side to see who had bumped into you before freezing up completely.
He had a mask on and a hat almost covering his eyes but you knew immediately who it was, eyes widening as you looked at him and then glanced around your surroundings to see if anybody had recognized him too.
“The fans don’t pay much attention to anyone without an instrument.” Sunoo was saying and you could hear him smiling even if you couldn’t see most of his face, breathing out a sigh of relief and pulling him in for a hug before you had a second to think about it.
He accepted it immediately and you were grateful that he wasn’t being distant with you despite the fact that was all you’d shown each other in recent years, melting into your hold as your eyes pricked with tears considering how much taller and thinner he was now. Sometimes when you thought of the boys, they were frozen in time and still teenagers in your head and you felt a bit dizzy as the illusion broke right in front of you.
“How’d you know I was here?” You were whispering out into his chest and then pulling back to stare up at him in amazement, scanning over his covered face.
“Sunghoon saw the hundreds of messages Joonie had sent… she actually had the guts to ask him to pick her up after her car stalled.” He was explaining and you felt embarrassed for your friend even though Sunoo was laughing like it was something funny. You got annoyed with her behavior but she was still your friend and you almost felt offended for her knowing they’d all been laughing at her attempts to reach out, no matter how baseless her connection with them seemed on their side. “We figured that you would’ve been the one to answer her calls.”
“We?” You were asking the second the word fell from his lips and a flash of regret passed over his face. “Do they all know I’m here?”
“Except for him.” He was explaining and you felt his hand squeezing your arm to try and calm you down, a flash of familiarity running through you at the feeling despite slowly recognizing the boy in front of you less and less. “But I imagine one of them is going to slip up sooner or later.”
You were nodding in understanding but your heart started to thump with anxiety and you were grateful that the arena was so full, hoping Heeseung wasn’t dumb enough to run out into a waiting room of fans to try and see you.
“I have to go.” You were practically forcing the words out and your face was pulling into a grimace as you said them, feeling short of breath and dizzy as your past and present finally started to collide despite your years of effort. “Can you…”
You were gesturing towards the parking validation ticket in your hand and he glanced down at it before looking back at your panicked eyes and nodding softly, squeezing your arm one more time before he was taking it and giving you the go ahead to get out of the arena before your chest exploded.
You didn’t know exactly what to say to him, you weren’t sure if this was a see you later or another long term goodbye and he seemed to be thinking the same thing, nodding again when you smiled sadly at him and took a few steps backwards.
Nearly losing your footing as you turned around, you were dizzyingly making your way out of the arenas main center and pushing back out into the chilled air. Your lungs tried to suck in deep breaths and you hurriedly made your way back to the parking garage but you were failing miserably and you eventually gave up all together, pausing in your quick strides and resting again the building with your eyes shut tight.
It wasn’t at all quiet, fans still gathered outside before the show and traffic beeps and honks as people tried to get in and out of the busy area, but your head felt empty and shut down.
The sound of footsteps approaching you crept into your dizzy brain and you took a deep breath before looking up, somehow already knowing who it was going to be without so much as a glance. He was stopping a few feet away from you when you looked up and your legs felt weaker as you stared at him in silence.
He was wearing a mask and a hat like Sunoo and whilst you’d been disappointed earlier about not being able to see your old friends face, now you were extremely grateful for the coverage. It didn’t help much considering you could still see the most recognizable part of him, his big eyes blinking at you in shock.
“You don’t look that surprised.” Heeseung’s voice was shockingly similar to how it was last time you’d heard it in person, the tone only slightly deeper and the only major change being the lifelessness behind his words as he watched you stand up straight.
He was right, for some reason you weren’t at all shocked to see him in front of you but he was in the same spot as you considering he came to find you in the first place. “Should I be? You’re here aren’t you?”
You heard him scoff softly before he was turning his head to look around the area, handful of fans still wandering around but slowly starting to disperse as they made their way insides to find their seats and buy the merch. He was glancing back at you quickly and then he was reaching up to take his mask off.
He didn’t say anything for a while after he took it off and you just stared at him, scanning over his face and the difference that time had handed to him. His features were a lot sharper now, growing into his nose and ears perfectly and you once again were hit with the reality that you’d been apart for a long time and the boy you knew was long gone.
“Sunoo validated your ticket.” He was starting to speak suddenly, awkwardness seeping into his tone due to your prolonged silent stare and you watched him dig into his pocket to retrieve the crumbled up piece of paper the parking machine had given you. “He got busy so I just brought it out.”
“He got busy?” You questioned and took a step forward away from the building, taking it from him swiftly and wincing when your finger brushed against his. “You’re the one in the band.”
He didn’t say anything to that, clearly lying about why he had been the one to bring the ticket out but making no move to correct himself or attempt to be honest with you. You didn’t really mind considering you were in a similar boat, having no real reason to rest again the building like you had other than buying yourself more time in the area.
“You’re not staying?” He was asking and his voice broke slightly which caused a large frown to form on your face, not sure why he had to even ask considering you both knew you weren’t going to watch his show.
“I’ll be back after to..” You awkwardly trailed off and lifted your hand that was clutching the parking ticket, indicating the reason you were there and watching him carefully. “Are you nervous?”
He tensed up as the familiar words fell from your lips and you felt like the air stopped moving for a second before he answered. He’d heard it asked thousands of times since it last was in your voice in that specific tone but it never bothered him before after the first year.
It was asked genuinely by other people, actually wondering if he was feeling nervous or at times doubting his abilities and using it as a way to get under his skin. Nobody ever made the simple question feel as important as you did and he understood why now that he was older and had plenty of time to think about it. You asked him, not because you thought he was or you figured he wouldn’t be able to handle the stage and the pressure, but because you knew it ignited a fire in him.
You’d ask him just to hear him repeat back in a firm voice how excited he was, to see that passion flare up in his eyes and give him an opportunity to voice some solid self confidence before he got up there to perform.
You knew right away that the phrase brought him back as far in time as it did you but your stomach turned at the blank look on his face, nothing arising to the surface at the triggered memory and instead he almost looked like he was deflating as you stood there.
“I’m just… tired.” He was eventually muttering back and clearing his throat before anxiously scratching at the back of his neck, both of you knowing the weight of his unusual answer and preparing to cripple under it once you were out of the suffocating hold his gaze had on you.
The both of you stood there for a few seconds longer before you could hear the screaming getting louder from inside, his head turning towards the building before looking back at you with a defeated expression. You knew without him saying it that he needed to go and that same feeling you had with Sunoo started to creep up again, not knowing what type of goodbye this was.
“There’s a second show tomorrow.” He was rushing out and then chewing on his lip ring as he avoided your questioning gaze. “You’ll be on the list.”
He glanced at you one more time but he seemed to understand that you weren’t going to give him a definite response, nodding his head in conclusion before he was turning around and jogging back towards the side entrance of the arena.
All the air returned to your lungs once he was finally out of sight and then immediately left again once you broke into a heavy sob, stumbling back a bit before quickly gathering your emotions and trying your best to hold yourself together.
You were quickly wiping your tears and glancing around to make sure nobody had been a witness to your abrupt meltdown, reminding yourself why you were there in the first place and heading back to your car like your world hadn’t just been taken off pause.
——
It had only taken you two seconds after the invitation fell from Heeseung’s lips to decide that you were going to go to the show.
He had said it like it was a question but the look in his eye told you that he didn’t think you’d come, but he still had invited you and that stupid part of you felt like that had to mean something. You’d had Riki pick the girls up from the concert that night and you ignored Joonie’s calls and the countless uploads she’d had from the concert.
You didn’t need to see the boys performing like nothing had happened, like your entire life hadn’t been flipped outside down with just a few sentences from the boy you’d tried your hardest to forget about the past few years.
It was a bit hypocritical considering you were currently back at the same exact place you were running from yesterday, this time walking in the opposite direction of the parking validation booth and awkwardly approaching the ticketing line. You felt like an idiot telling the staff that you were on the list, seeing their annoyed expressions and knowing they must hear it a dozen times a night from fan girls trying to get backstage.
“Nice try but there’s only ever been one name on the list and trust me, that seats never been taken.” The man was talking to you in a bored tone and your heart clenched at the implication of what he was saying.
You wondered if it was something Heeseung had done at the beginning of the tour in case you decided to come to one of the shows but he knew you well enough to know you never would and you certainly would never stride in the place without a ticket expecting to be on the list.
Eventually you figured that he had put you on there with the hopes that one day he’d have the guts to invite you and your heart shattered a bit more thinking about the fact that he never did, never even attempting as far as you were concerned and aware of. You cleared your throat awkwardly and rummaged in your bag to pull out your ID and hand it to the man silently.
His eyes flickered down to it for a second before looking back up at your face and you saw a wave of shock come over him, immediately followed by embarrassment for doubting you in the first place.
You gave him an awkward half smile and then an appreciative nod when he was stepping aside and allowing you to enter the main performance area. You were pausing at the top of the entrance way, eyes scanning over the large arena and feeling a bit sick considering how many seats were there and how few of them were empty.
You were starting to regret showing up and preparing to turn around and head back out before the show started but you were snapped out of your panic when your phone was ringing in your pocket. You were snatching it out in hopes that it was one of your friends trying to calm you down but your eyebrows furrowed when you saw it was an unknown number.
Finger hovering over the decline button, you had half the mind to consider the fact it might be Heeseung and you were answering it and putting it to your ear before you had a second to think about it.
“You actually came.” You immediately tensed up when the voice was filtering through the speaker, different and raspier but you knew who it was from the first word.
“How do you know I’m here?” You were dumbly asking and glancing around you like he was going to be standing in the shadows somewhere, frowning slightly when he laughed into the phone.
“He told them to alert him immediately if you ever showed up.” Jake was saying as an explanation and halfway confirming your suspicions about how long you’d been kept on the list despite never coming or reaching out to them. “And you’re finally here.”
“I’m not staying.” You were saying quickly and a rough edge seeped into your voice, something you hadn’t had last time he knew you but he also hadn’t been so cocky and demeaning last time you spoke to him so you were equal in that sense.
He was sighing softly and you paused at the sound, not expecting him to sound so defeated. You’d spoken to Jake more than the others over the years, only a few times but he had come home once or twice to visit family and it was hard to avoid him considering he actively was seeking you and the others out each time.
You weren’t really sure why he kept coming around and eventually you realized that he didn’t seem to know why either, looking more and more lost and less like himself every time you saw him. Jake was always so carefree and happy to be around that time you’d all spent together, genuinely seeming like he felt lucky for all of you and the music they were making together.
This new version of him was the most jarring to you out of everybody else because he had gotten sad and then he had gotten very very cold, almost angry every time you saw him and always feeling like he was on the edge of snapping.
You imagine that helped him out on the stage and you finally felt like he fit the rough drummer image that had been given to him by fans and media despite never making that connection yourself when you had known him. So to hear him sigh softly hearing that you were planning on leaving before they even performed, you were stopping in your tracks and finding yourself willing to hear him out.
“He doesn’t know you’re here yet and he’s driving himself so insane that he’s sick in the bathroom.” He was saying in a lower tone and you imagined that staff and other members were around him considering how soon the show was going to start. “No one can get him to come out but I have a feeling on who might.”
Tears were filling your eyes as he spoke about Heeseung’s condition but you were shaking your head in denial despite the fact he couldn’t see you, wiping your face with your sleeve before whispering back to him in a shaky tone. “I can’t do this Jake.”
“Please Y/N.” He was quickly retorting back and he sounded so similar to how he used to that you felt floored. His tone was genuine and filled with concern for his friend and you’d almost forgotten what he sounded like when he cared about something. “All these years you haven’t answered him, please don’t leave yet. Atleast get him on stage and then you can go and I’ll make sure he can’t find you for the rest of the time we’re here.”
Your breath was catching at the last half of his rushed statement and you were covering your mouth for a second with a shaky hand. It took you a few breaths to think of what to say and he stayed silent on the other line throughout it.
“Promise me.” You were mumbling out and clutching the device so hard you were worried it would crack, hearing nothing on the other side for a bit as your stomach bubbled with thick anxiety. “Promise me you’ll keep him away from me after this.”
It went silent again and you were almost positive that he had hung up the phone before he was speaking again in a defeated tone. “I promise.”
——
If you had gone back to the week before and told yourself that you’d be standing in a room with all of your old friends, you would’ve probably hid under the counter at work and begged future you to leave you alone.
You were trying your best to not showcase the fact that you were absolutely freaking out and filling with more and more devastation every time one of them spoke in their lifeless and annoyed tones, bickering behind you about the purpose of your presence and debating wether it was a good idea or not to allow you to be the one to try and gather Heeseung.
“He invited her for a reason Hoon.” Sunoo was sighing in your defense but he didn’t seem optimistic about it either, barely sparing you a glance since you walked through the door and anxiously checking his walkie talkie every few minutes to try and update the staff.
“Because he saw her yesterday and it fucked him up, he’s not in his right mind.” Jay was snapping before Sunghoon could answer for himself and you flinched at his loud tone, taking a step back when he was standing off the couch and throwing an arm in your general direction to emphasize that it was your fault.
You were frowning deeply at the accusation, not understanding how it could possibly be your fault that Heeseung was having a melt down especially when they didn’t seem that rare for him, his general anxiety and mental health another constant topic in the tabloids.
They continued to argue and you did your best to tune them out while simultaneously trying to ignore the fact Jungwon was silently staring at you from the corner and Jake was only a few feet away from you with his arms crossed. He hadn’t said much to come to your defense but he was continuously shooting you glances like he was trying to monitor your reactions.
You might as well have been in a room full of amped up strangers, possibly high as they paced and jittered about and a part of you felt like you were grieving now that you knew there would be no way to pretend things were still the same, no more pretending time was frozen and nothing had changed.
“Have any of you been able to calm him down this entire time?” You were suddenly asking from near the wall and it was the first time you’d spoken since you’d gotten in there.
The reaction was immediate and varying from each boy, half of them tensing up and looking more frustrated at the sound of your familiar voice and the others almost instantaneously losing the tension in their shoulders with softened eyes. It was like they hadn’t fully processed you being there until you spoke, talking around you in hypotheticals like you imagined they’d been doing over the years.
You wondered if you were a topic they were supposed to avoid mentioning like Heeseung had become for you. Then you selfishly wondered if they’d missed you at all.
Nobody answered for a while and then Jungwon was shaking his head softly, holding your gaze with a sympathetic look that caused you to nod in understanding. “Isn’t it worth a try then?”
“We have 15 minutes.” Sunghoon was saying in that same cold tone he’d been using but it held some level of defeat this time, slumping back into the couch and saying no form of the objection he had voiced so quickly earlier.
You were being directed to a hallway suddenly by Sunoo and before you could say anything or ask why he was ushering you out, he was hastily pointing to a door and scurrying off back towards the dressing room. You didn’t necessarily need him to explain, hearing the soft sobs and gags coming from behind the door now, but you wished he had given you a bit more time to collect yourself or think of something to say.
You took a deep breath and decided to not stall and try to gather some of the might you had the other night, pushing through the door and pausing once you were on the other side of it.
“If I have to tell you to fuck off one more time I’m going to get everybody in this shitty arena fired.”
Heeseung’s voice was coming from one of the stalls and your entire body locked up at the sound of it, never hearing him quite so angry before but also never hearing him sound so empty and wrecked. He was clearly holding back his sobs now that somebody was in there but you could see one of his leather boots poking into the stall next to his, laying on the floor and most likely clutching the toilet.
You were approaching the plastic door without saying anything and tugging on it softly once you were close to it, your fingers curling around the top of it and pulling it towards you with a small shake.
Heeseung’s words about the arena being shitty weren’t necessarily incorrect considering the lock on the door was immediately budging and it was flying open towards you, revealing you standing behind it to his swollen eyes and allowing you to see his frame curled up on the floor in a sickened despair.
He looked beyond surprised to see you and you were almost worried he was going to throw up again just from the shock of your arrival, his body locking up and then immediately tensing even more when you were taking a reluctant step inside the stall with him. You may have been practically strangers with a heavy history now but you still knew Heeseung better than you knew yourself most days and you felt that same comfort and familiarity as you always did.
So you were sinking to the dirty floor across from him and sighing softly, letting your head lean against the wall of the stall and glancing at him hesitantly.
“You came.” He was finally breathing out and his voice sounded tight because of your close proximity, not necessarily touching but the closest you’d been in almost half a decade. He was struggling to sit up but he eventually managed and stretched his legs out in your direction, both of you sitting in the same position across from each other.
“You invited me.” You whispered back to him with a small sad smile that was slipping away as fast as it came. “I was on the list.”
He didn’t laugh but you could tell he appreciated your attempts to lighten the situation, eyes softening slightly at the way your shoulders raised into a small casual shrug.
“What’s happening Heeseung?” You were asking him but you both knew what it was already and you felt just as sick as he looked as you said his name, almost feeling like a swear word as it fell from your lips naturally. “Why are we here right now?”
“You…” He was pausing as his voice shook and you watched him closely, not missing the way he was avoiding looking in your direction and instead staring down at the shaky hands that were picking at his fingers in his lap. “You stopped answering the letters, you wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”
Your shoulders deflated as he spoke in a hurt voice, clearly being bothered by your lack of communication and not at all understanding why you had done it in the first place. You admit that it was a bit childish on your side to completely cut him off without a final conversation but you knew Heeseung would never just let you go like you needed.
“It was only supposed to be a few months Hee, you said you’d come home and you never did.” You tried to keep your tone less accusatory than his but you were also extremely hurt by what he had done.
You’d spend the entirety of your time with Heeseung making him your source of happiness and that was your first mistake because he was always bound to leave. He was always set after something much bigger than your town could ever offer but you guess a stupid part of you thought that you would be enough for him to stay.
You didn’t want him to give up his dreams, it was the entire reason you fell for him in the first place but you just wished time could stay frozen in that summer.
It’d been years and you still could feel him sitting next to you, never smoking with the others because you didn’t even though you knew he did it when you weren’t around. He was always supporting you like that and even though neither of you ever said it out loud, you knew he loved you too. It wasn’t his fault that he loved music more and you could never compare to the feeling it gave him but you tried your hardest.
Sometimes you thought it was working, when he’d come over after practice and you’d lay together in your backyard with its overgrown grass. You’d feel it tickling against your bare skin when you laughed at a stupid joke he made and rolled in the other direction clutching your stomach.
Other times you were once again hit with the reminder that he was only temporary, you’d see him zone out listening over and over to tracks he’d been producing or his eyes would go wide with amazement any time you went to a show that wasn’t his.
And you were completely right about him being temporary up until now, watching him sit across from you with that broken expression on his face that made you sick every time you locked eyes with him. You weren’t sure what exactly started his decline, you felt guilt for playing a large part in it but you didn’t think it would be much difference if you had stuck around his life anyways.
Maybe you would’ve begged him to come home when he started going to star filled parties, too many drugs to avoid and too much pressure to fit in to not indulge. Maybe you would’ve called Yoongi and demanded for a hiatus, giving you some time to come see him or bring him back home for a week or two to calm him and his system down.
Maybe you wouldn’t have ended up on the dirty floor of a public bathroom where he was vomiting his guts out just a few minutes ago. You could’ve been back in your long grass or pressed next to him on his dads old couch, still just as young and just as silently inlove with the boy with pretty pink hair and eyes so wide and amazed you couldn’t help but drink them in.
“I would’ve stayed.” He was finally forcing out the words necessary to snap you from your thoughts, the words you’d been considering for the past few years. “If you told me to stay I would have in a second.”
“And then what?” You were retorting quickly but your tone was weak and sad instead of bitter and iced over, shaking your head softly and giving him another sad smile and humorless laugh as you considered the option. “We grow old together with you secretly hating me for ruining your dreams, I live with the guilt of making you do that.”
“I could never hate you. Nothing could ever make me hate you, trust me I’ve tried.” His tone was the opposite of yours, aggressive and nasty as he spat out the words like they burned but you knew his anger wasn’t directed at you necessarily.
You let the two of you fall into an unfamiliar silence, giving him time to collect himself before he accidentally said something he’d eventually end up regretting even more than he already was.
He didn’t say anything either and he seemed to understand what you were doing, sighing out a shuttered breath before he was scooting forward across the floor until his knees were knocking against yours. You glanced up at him and your face fell at the exhausted look on his face, leaning forward similarly until you could wrap your hands around his and squeeze them tightly with your thumbs rubbing over his calloused skin.
Heeseung was sucking in a breath at the feeling of you touching him and then he was breaking into small hiccuped sobs that left you feeling heavy and lost on what you could do to help him.
You were letting yourself sink back into the past when you were moving forward even more so you could pull him closer towards you, his upper half practically in your lap now as you cradled his head and softly pet his damp hair that was dyed black now and messily falling into his eyes.
Your own eyes were falling shut and you were resting yourself on top of him, half hugging each other and half just giving up and letting the weight of his body and yours combine into a mess of limbs and heavy sobs. It was making you feel both better and worse, feeling him so close again but not knowing if it was the last time and also holding the knowledge that you’d missed such a large portion of time with him like this.
It wasn’t possible to get back everything you’d missed, it wasn’t possible to rewind and start over and you weren’t sure there was any way to prevent this amount of hurt anyways.
You could’ve asked him to stay with you all those years ago but then you’d never see that light within him again and you know it would always be on the back of his mind, his fingers and heart always aching for more than what you could give him and you’d stay up countless nights regretting making him give that up for you.
Maybe if you had answered his letters, picked up his relentless calls and heard him out when he didn’t come home. He could’ve had a good reason or maybe just hearing him finally say he loved you would be enough for you to handle the impossible distance.
So many what ifs that you’d never get the answer to because you weren’t there and you’d never get back there again no matter how much your heart still held onto the past and your love together.
Instead you were here and this was where the road with him had led you, cradling each other as the crowd cheered for him outside and it fell on your deaf ears. You knew he wasn’t going to let you go and you weren’t going to make him, you weren’t going to make him choose again and you didn’t know if that would be enough this time but you listened to him cry and prayed it would be.
Heeseung sung out a choir of sobs and gasps into your chest and you knew you would stay with him for as long as he needed you too, until his cries died down or your legs went numb.
Until the cheers fell into silence and the fans went home for the night disappointed, at least holding the knowledge that the music would still be there tomorrow.
You still weren’t positive that he was really here with you and he still felt as fleeting and temporary as he did when you first had met him, wide eyed and stuttered conversations. It was only a small flicker of hope and comfort that your love for him was the most permanent thing you’d ever experienced.
And that small flicker was more than enough for you.
#enhypen#enhypen drabbles#enhypen fanfiction#heeseung#heeseung drabbles#heeseung x reader#jake enhypen#heeseung smut#sunghoon enhypen#heeseung fanfic#heeseung angst#heeseung au#heeseung fic#lee heeseung x reader#enhypen jay#sunoo enhypen#jungwon enhypen#enhypen riki#niki enhypen#enhypen au#enhypen smut#enhypen angst#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fic
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Baby Megumi & Best Sister Tsumiki Headcanons feat. Teen Dad!Gojo because I love this family unit, and my JJK brainrot is worsening the closer we get to 6th of July. 🫠
These are probably done before, but idgaf because we're about to see baby Megumi and high school Gojo again~ 🥹 Also, I'd rather do these instead of write fics because my Death Note X Code Geass crossover still needs my attention.
Megumi has a stuffed animal collection. 🐺 It started with one stuffed wolf that Satoru got him for his 1st birthday with Gojo, and Megumi pretended he didn't like them, but ummm... 8 years later, Megumi has 75 animal plushies. I like to think they're all small and cute.
If Shibuya and the other BS didn't happen, Megumi would have received another stuffed animal or two for his 16th birthday. Because tradition. 🥹
Just like Megumi has a collection of stuffed animals, Tsumiki has a collection of dolls. *cough cough* Barbies... It started with Licca-chan and eventually Satoru caught her eyeing Barbies in toy stores, so he bought her one. And then two. And then whole sets for Christmas or her birthday or whenever she showed Gojo her report card.
In addition to dolls, Tsumiki definitely had one of those big Barbie houses when she was 8.
Tsumiki ropes Megumi into playing dolls with her. He does it to make his sister happy. And they always include Megumi's stuffed animals.
Tsumiki had Barbie Posh Pets. (Totally not projecting... Maybe I am). I had those as a kid and the set includes a pregnant mama cat + 3 kittens. You can open the mama cat's tummy and take out a pink kitten. (That's kind of fucked up when I think about it now 🤦♀️). I imagine it's that sort of nightmare-inducing shit that Satoru notices and gets because he thinks it's funny. 🙃
The Barbie Posh Pet in question that Tsumiki definitely owns:
Anyway... Speaking of Barbie... Tsumiki saw her first Barbie movie because Satoru brought home a Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper DVD on one of their movie nights. He was just assuming she would like it...
She liked it, and they always had Barbie movies in the movie night roster ever since. Tsumiki loves them. Megumi thinks they're whatever but is amused, because Barbie movies have talking animals, and Satoru just loves to poke fun at the plot.
Megumi watches wildlife documentaries for fun. He's a National Geographic and Discovery Channel kid. He has a DVD collection that came with the encyclopedia set Satoru bought.
Megumi liked movies with animals. Are we surprised? He's seen all of the Dr. Dolittle movies.
Tsumiki cried watching Bambi. 🦌 Someone else definitely got teary-eyed while watching Bambi too. That 'someone' will also never admit it, even if Satoru totally caught that particular someone rubbing his eyes with his small fists during that scene.
Speaking of getting teary-eyed at watching cartoons. Satoru's damn lucky he can hide behind his blackout sunglasses, because he was totally sad and emotional when they finished watching The Fox and the Hound. 🦊🐶 You look at that Tod and Cooper friendship and tell me it doesn't remind you of SatoSugu a little bit.
The refrigerator in Megumi and Tsumiki's apartment is stocked with 80% sweets. It's Satoru's fault.
Satoru attends Megumi's and Tsumiki's parent-teacher meetings in elementary school, and he's popular with the PTA parents (especially the moms). Megumi hates it, Gojo revels in the attention. Some teachers invited him to be in the PTA, but ultimately, this special-grade sorcerer always has to decline. He's way too busy.
Elementary career days = Satoru telling the kids that he's a very powerful magician. 🎩🪄🐇 The kids believe him and the adults think he's joking. Well technically, he isn't.
Satoru is prone to bribing child tantrums with McDonalds. It doesn't always work.
Satoru, Megumi, and Tsumiki definitely went camping a couple of times. Sometimes Shoko tags along, but she never stays overnight.
Satoru lost Megumi at the mall. Tsumiki always found her little brother. He's honestly not that hard to find. He's either in a bookstore or a pet shop or a toy store that sells things Megumi likes.
Tsumiki is very forgiving of Satoru's tendency to lose Megumi in the mall.
Ice cream or parfaits for dinner are normal when you're living with Gojo. 🍨🍦
They've been to Disneyland. 🏰
Megumi likes zoos and aquariums.
Tsumiki is fond of handcrafting appreciation gifts for Satoru. 🎁Friendship bracelets, knitted socks and mittens she made in homeroom once that are way too small for him, multi-colored dreamcatchers (she made one for Megumi too of course), birdseed ornaments, lots of origami, very small bead bowls, flowers made of cupcake liners, etc.
Satoru has all of Tsumiki's DIY handicrafts tucked away in an Air Jordan shoebox. He also has a jar full of origami paper cranes that Tsumiki made when she was in her origami phase.
Satoru always took the kids to fun festivals whenever he could.
Satoru gave Megumi and Tsumiki the childhood they deserved -- gave them the childhood they were almost robbed of when Toji and Tsumiki's mom abandoned them, gave them the childhood Gojo never got to have.
All of that before Megumi lost Tsumiki and his life started spiraling for the worst. 😭
#Save&FreeMegumiPLEASE!
#jujutsu kaisen#headcanons#dad!gojo#fushigojo#megumi fushiguro#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#tsumiki fushiguro#fushigojo family#i think this post totally outs the fact that I'm an early 2000's kid#wbad shit posts#wbad blog
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TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE! 22. 2 people, 1 truth
note: word count is 3.8k :D
“they really are little rascals, especially this one!” atsumu huffed with an orange kitten pressed against his chest. you found him near an alleyway and were currently walking back to april’s store.
it was a convenience store, and she used the second floor as her living space. after you were banned from eating the snacks at your parents’ place, you started hanging out at april’s more often. she always gave you the snacks for free and you spent most of your childhood there: in april’s store next to her floor fan as customers came and went.
“you’re back!” april rushed out in a hurry, reaching to pet the kitten still in your arms. “their mom’s in the back with the other younglings so i’ll need to wash them. but before that, tell me how i can repay the two of you.”
you rushed to decline. “no, no. don’t worry about it, we did this because we just wanted to help.”
april laughed heartily. “then thank you, darling, for helping me find the kittens.” she smiled towards atsumu, “and thank you… y/n’s boyfriend. looks like i never got your name!” she erupted again in buoyant laughter.
your co-star returned her smile. “it’s atsumu miya, nice to meet you.” his response garnered an elbow to the side from you. “he’s not my boyfriend, just a coworker,” you clarified quickly.
her excitement didn’t fade, a sly twinkle shining in her aged eyes. she grabbed the kittens from you and atsumu, the two troublemakers tugging insistently at her floral blouse. “we’ll continue this later, they’re really impatient aren’t they?”
when april left, you and atsumu occupied the bench in front of the store. he stretched and yawned. “what were you saying about your parents before you got cut off?” he asked curiously.
“oh, my parents aren’t here anymore. we moved to miyagi prefecture when i got to high school, and they stayed there after i moved to tokyo for university.”
“must’ve been hard when their only child left,” he said, lifting a brow when you laughed. “not at all,” you replied. “i was a handful to them, they were glad i left.”
growing up, a part of you resented your parents for moving away from your hometown. you dreamt of everything: attending a nearby high school and keeping up with your studies—going home and helping the residents with their tasks around town. it was the perfect harmony, and it was shattered due to your parents.
you realized later it was because they hated everything the town stood for: peace, gaiety, and the ability to melt your heart. they must’ve hated the cool summers too—the long family walks through town after supper where you admired wildflowers in the sidewalk cracks. they must’ve hated the colorful peonies in the spring and the lively tradition where all the residents came together to have one big picnic in the field. you still remembered it so vividly. each household needed to bring something special (music, toys for the kids, food, or drinks) to be able to participate. once, your parents said you were their special item and the residents exploded in cheerful laughter and agreement. looking back, you wondered how true that actually was of your parents.
they were bored of the place they grew up in, and they tossed it away without even asking you. they threw their friends away, the memories they made with everyone, and—worse of all—they desecrated your love for the town and its people.
you’d cried during departure, watching as everyone bore smiling faces in an attempt to uplift yours. you hadn’t cried in years, and you were about to attend high school. you saw them hand you gifts—all the things you loved and things that’ll remind you of your true home. you hoped they knew you weren’t the one who wanted to leave; you hoped they knew it was because your parents hated their kind generosity.
“i hated leaving my hometown behind. if i could, i would’ve stayed with them while my parents left. i would’ve been okay without them. but when i got to my new school, things started to get better,” you said, fidgeting with the palm of your hand. “i excelled at my classes and made new friends. they filled an empty part in me and i was able to be with them 24/7 through volleyball.” you paused for a moment. “but my parents didn’t like that. they didn’t like it when i went to my team’s matches to support them, they didn’t like that i was barely home with them.”
atsumu remained silent while you talked. his back was pressed against the wall and his shoulder was touching yours. his silence comforted you, his warmth made you continue. “i think they realized it was out of their control now, that when i went off to university, they wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. i saved up money from my part-time job and moved to tokyo with my friends. my parents stopped calling me afterwards, but i still send money back home to them.”
you choked back a sob, chuckling at the weird situation: you pouring your feelings out to your attentive co-star. you avoided looking at him.
“what about your aunt april? couldn’t you have stayed with her?”
you laughed quietly. “she’s not my real aunt, her husband isn’t my real uncle either. they just treated me really nicely, like i was a part of their family. actually, they were my parents’ rivals. the town only needed one convenience store and i guess my parents were the ones who left. maybe they didn’t like how welcoming aunt april treated me, but i knew she never wanted us to leave. and i never wanted to be seen as a burden to them. they already had so much on their plate, i just couldn’t invade their lives like that.”
atsumu hummed. “but if you had asked, they would’ve accepted in a heartbeat.” you smiled sadly—what he said was true.
you couldn’t help but imagine what your life would’ve been like if you’d stayed. you would’ve been happy, you would’ve continued to stay in your hometown after graduation, maybe even become a farmer. you would’ve been surrounded by people who loved you and familiar sights. but you would’ve never met shimizu and the others. you would’ve never realized the wonders of living in a big city filled with opportunities. you wouldn’t be acting. you wouldn’t have met atsumu and experienced all of this.
when you realized that silence took over the conversation, you attempted a weak smile. “well! enough of me—”
“you don’t have to hide it, y/n,” atsumu said. “you can be unprofessional too.”
your heart staggered. hot tears threatened to fall and you only said, “it’s okay, i don’t want to talk about it right now.”
atsumu nodded at your response, sitting up more casually. you were grateful when he started talking: “it’ll be unfair if i didn’t tell you about myself too, right?” he stopped briefly to think. “my brother and i were adamant about volleyball during high school. awards, summer camps, interhigh, nationals—you name it. being recognized for your incredible setting skills had its perks,” he winked and you laughed. “i got some modeling gigs and then eventually went into acting.”
you listened intently to him as he spoke. there was always something about atsumu. was it his assertiveness or the way he naturally drew people in? you had a feeling it was both. the more time you spent with him, the more you wanted to know about him.
“the first time i scored a big role, i was confused by how happy i felt. i remembered the amount of compliments they gave me, not only for my acting skills but for volleyball as well. ‘a real talent,’ they’d told me once, and it made me want to continue acting. i struggled here and there with getting roles, mainly due to my inexperience, but it was a challenge i wanted to overcome. i felt the same amount of frustration when messing up a scene as passing a bad set. i felt the same amount of joy too, so it was difficult to decide which path i wanted to take after high school.”
you asked when he became silent, “how did your parents react?”
he didn’t turn to look at you but you saw his lips pulled into a grim smile. “horrible,” he said. “‘samu wanted to pursue culinary arts and i wanted to focus on acting. my parents knew i had some roles during high school but they didn’t like that i wanted to do it professionally. my mom was clinging onto the chance that i would continue volleyball unlike my brother.” atsumu tightened his hands, his expression hard and dour. “but they didn’t realize that i was still playing, just not competitively. i didn’t compromise my love for it, never did.”
you felt a strange pull of admiration. you could hate atsumu all you want for his actions, but you could never hate the confidence he radiated. you’ve seen it before: at the script read through and on the first day of filming. when he stepped on set, reading his lines with such certainty and zeal, your eyes didn’t want to look away. so this was atsumu miya, you thought. this was the highly praised atsumu—the side he proudly chose to display.
but right now, he was just atsumu, regular atsumu. he was another person that goes through things like everyone else. you had believed vehemently before that your co-star was only capable of hate and disdain. that he could only conjure up sly, distasteful frowns. now he was more human than you thought.
“i’m sorry,” was all you could say in response. atsumu shook his head, his eyes downcasted. “it got better eventually, it’s been a couple years and they’ve come around.”
he continued: “it took a lot to convince them and myself that it was the right choice. i didn’t land any major roles for a year straight.”
you blinked. who wouldn’t want atsumu on their production? even if this happened years ago, atsumu already had a couple major roles under his belt. you had a feeling it wasn’t him or his skills that were at fault.
“a fucking year straight,” he spat his words venomously. “i practiced everyday until my body gave up, and for what? some rich insecure pieces of shit to come by and flaunt their money in the director’s face? i didn’t want anything to stop me from acting except my skills.”
you imagined atsumu practicing his lines over and over again until he was satisfied. you saw him beating himself up for every mistake he would make. to atsumu, it must’ve felt like preparing for a volleyball match: setting and serving until he could no longer—until his exhausted body begged him to stop. it felt vivid to you. after all, you were both hardworking perfectionists, and you were both treading through an industry where the rich reigned and the skilled surrendered.
for a year straight, atsumu dealt with this. he couldn’t do anything, powerless to change the directors’ decisions.
you stared at him with a pained expression. “bribery,” you said meekly and he nodded. “just like what emma did.”
“so you knew,” he said, low and accepting.
“yes, i did, about her bribing director sage. but i want to hear it from you, not from a friend or anywhere else.”
he nodded and you braced yourself for what was about to come. “i didn’t know at first, no one did except for the director and committee team. you wouldn’t have expected her to do something like that: she was nice and endearing, even to the staff members. but i always questioned why director sage was so hard on her. it wasn’t as if she lacked talent. she was good—well, good enough, i suppose. then i realized what it was about her. she had talent but not skills from experience. whenever filming lasted longer than it should’ve due to her, everyone was forgiving. they ignored her issues because she was nice and pretty.”
you swallowed at his words. with money, you could buy opportunities, but not skills and experience that are on par with actors who’ve been doing this for way longer. you couldn’t, unless you knew how to adapt—unless you were a quick learner. emma was none of those things.
you watched atsumu rub his hands against his face, a sorrowful chuckle leaving his lips. “there were signs and i was blind to them. i only focused on her, thinking how amazing she was. she only had two years of experience so her mistakes were understandable. but this was a director sage film. his standards were fucking crazy. how did she land the main role if not for bribery and blackmail?”
you had to confess, after returning from the trip to the record store slash beach, you finally watched director sage’s latest film. it aired two years ago but was one of his most popular works ever. emma had the main role but surprisingly, atsumu was only the second lead. he didn’t have much screen time but whenever he appeared in a scene with emma, you felt your heart stop, your breath hitching in your throat. their chemistry was otherworldly, and you understood why the whole internet went into chaos when they broke up. if you had watched this two years ago, you would’ve rooted for them too.
“oh, but,” he quickly turned towards you, saying softly, “don’t blame director sage too much. it was his choice to make, but there were devastating circumstances. if he didn’t accept emma’s bribe, there would’ve been no film. her father would’ve cut off all the budget, including the ones from other companies. a single word from him would’ve cost director sage his career.” atsumu’s eyes turned dark and discernible. “i’m not saying his choice was right. emma forcibly stole opportunities from other aspiring actors and director sage helped her to do so. but still… he was in a difficult situation.”
there was affection in his voice when he said the last sentence. you’ve seen them interact many times before, and it always occurred to you how easily atsumu laughed and smiled in the director’s presence. they both adored one another dearly, both having fond memories of working together years ago.
“don’t worry, i don’t,” you reassured him. “but when i came, you thought i also blackmailed him. you thought director sage was put in another difficult situation.” you weren’t angry at him, you only stated frankly what had happened. but the latter pained atsumu more than the former. he wished you would yell at him or be in a fit of rage again (like your confrontation at the beach) because he knew he was wrong. he messed up and you were the one that was hurt.
but you didn’t fault him, not after hearing about everything. atsumu was distrusting, both towards you and the acting industry. how could he not? the person he was in love with had betrayed her morals and his trust.
“you’re right,” he said. “i was too quick to blame you. i judged you without knowing anything and spoke about you badly when i wasn’t any better. you were none of the things i claimed you were. you’re incredible, you know that? you made those four idiots fall in love with you on the first day of filming. you made director sage fall in with you. and you reminded me what good acting was. it was exhilarating to see someone with the same amount of passion as me. i fell in love with acting again just by watching you act.”
your cheeks burned at his words. you’ve received compliments before but it was different when your unapproachable and grumpy co-star said it.
atsumu shifted to face you, both of your feet pointing in each other’s directions. “so i’m sorry, y/n. i’m sorry for dragging you into this, you were never the problem. what those staff members said were true: i am extremely cocky and pretentious, i’m hasty and reckless with both my actions and words. and i had hurt you greatly. could you forgive me?”
you felt his vulnerability, his hesitant gaze on you. it wasn’t his fault, you wanted to say. it was okay.
“i could, and i will. you’re forgiven, atsumu.” you waited another moment to say, “not everything the staff members said was true. you’re not undeserving of your role or fame.”
“did they say that too?”
you nodded and his eyebrows pinched together. “they said that because of my relationship with emma. after the film aired, everyone in the industry knew. some felt stronger about it than others; some could care less because it was so normalized; and some even praised her for being rich and having connections. it’s gross. if you don’t have the skills to earn your roles fairly through auditioning, you’re pathetic. instead of using that money to drag the director and your co-stars down, you should be spending it on acting classes.”
you had to tug on his arm to get his attention. you didn’t mind his rant, but you were too curious about what that had to do with him being labeled “undeserving.”
atsumu caught your eye and said, “oh, right. emma and i broke up a year after the film. we didn’t tell anyone what the reason was, but the bribery part was only half the story. those staff members were the same ones i worked with all those years ago. they saw how emma and i were—probably thought i was the same blackmailing fox as her.” he let out another low chuckle. “or maybe that i used my connection with director sage to my advantage. or that i already had my chance to work with him, and that another person should’ve gotten the opportunity.”
in your eyes, atsumu was never undeserving. director sage picked him for the lead role because he truly believed atsumu was worthy of it. you’d heard from kuroo that atsumu came out of his year-long break because of director sage. he just wanted to work with his favorite director again. atsumu had the confidence and skills to do so. what was so wrong about that?
you patted him on the shoulder. “it’s not true, everyone knows it’s not. don’t be so hard on yourself.” your words made him laugh. a genuine one this time, it wasn’t sorrowful or somber like the previous ones.
“thank you,” he said. “i’ll take it easy. i didn't think this trip would become so sentimental. did i bore you?” he asked mischievously. you shook your head no, the two of you exchanging pleasant smiles.
you stretched your arms. how long were the two of you sitting on the wooden bench anyway? the sun was disappearing and leaving behind a trail of vibrant vermillion in its wake. it was already five o’clock.
when the two of you peeked inside the convenience store, you saw april talking with her husband by the cash register. she noticed you two, turning to say, “there they are! did you have fun out there?”
apparently she had finished washing the kittens a long time ago, even having enough time to prepare dinner. a large dinner, enough to feed an army. “we didn’t want to interrupt the sweet moment so we waited,” april beamed while you, atsumu, and her husband followed behind on the staircase.
atsumu whispered to you, “should i be here?”
you nodded. after all, april’s homemade meals were the best. no amount of restaurants could compare, you knew he would be missing out if he didn’t give it a try.
thankfully, dinner wasn’t awkward. april’s husband got along well with your co-star, minus the first interaction when he’d mistaken him for your boyfriend. it was becoming a running joke but you didn’t mind. you finally had the chance to sit down and talk to april and her husband, reminiscing about what happened during the time when you didn’t visit. you mentioned your previous film—vengeance—and the two of them chatted about your amazing performance. apparently everyone in town stopped what they were doing to watch it the day it aired. they were your first ever supporters after all.
you also mentioned your friends, to which april smiled in relief. then you talked about your new film and gestured towards atsumu, your co-star who was caught off guard with food stuffed in his mouth. you left out all the bad parts in your story, focusing mainly on your “friendly” competition at the amusement park and the fun trip to the record store slash beach. you also mentioned jolie and the others, even director sage and how he looked better in person.
atsumu got to talk too: about his twin brother and their volleyball experience during high school. atsumu boasted about being the number one setter and april’s husband, who you’ve known since childhood, brought up unexpectedly about how he’d played once as well.
“captain of my team,” he laughed with his whole body. “that was my prime.”
it got to the point where all the dirty dishes were cleaned off the table and april brought out peeled tangerines. you got to play with the kittens while atsumu and april’s husband continued to converse about volleyball. it was endearing and bittersweet that the two of you had to leave. you wanted to freeze the moment—you’d forgotten how nice it felt to be back in your hometown.
“must you go already?” april asked, standing at the door of her convenience store. her husband chimed in, “if they don’t catch the train, they’ll be stuck here.”
she nudged him with an annoyed expression. “that’s what i’m trying to do.” she turned back towards you. “the whole town’s excited for your new film, y/n. we’ll definitely watch it so make sure to visit again. you as well, atsumu.”
the two of you thanked them for dinner, saying your farewells and heading to the train station.
“thank you for bringing me here,” atsumu said as you waited on the platform.
“did i one up you? be honest.”
he replied hesitantly, “yes. i have to admit your hometown is pretty nice.”
“then let me borrow your jacket again on the train.”
“oh? you’re finally gonna go to sleep?”
your eyes widened in embarrassment. “you knew?” he smirked at your dazed expression. “how could i not? kind of hard when you were wriggling in your seat trying to get comfortable.”
“i will fall asleep this time. today’s been really exhausting.”
atsumu peered down at you, saying, “good work today, y/n, and…”
he didn’t get to finish his sentence, interrupted by the roaring of the approaching train. you stepped inside, turning to ask, “what did you say?”
“nevermind,” he smiled. “let’s get to our seats before we both fall asleep standing up.”
atsumu had told you many things today, but the unspoken ones might’ve been the most important. he wanted to tell you again that he was sorry for everything. and he wanted to tell you that he was glad you were his co-star.
masterlist ⌒☆ previous ⌒☆ next
fun facts:
director sage did NOT like working with emma one bit, but he made sure to hide his disdain at all times.
when atsumu went to audition for director sage's previous film, he went with a friend of his. she practiced for the main role relentlessly but her audition didn't pass. atsumu always held a grudge towards emma for stealing his friend's chance; if it weren't for her, his friend would've gotten the role. she was a better actress than emma anyway.
y/n and atsumu took a million pictures of the kittens. there were five of them! she sent them all to the group chat for them to gawk at.
TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE! ｡ｏ♡ an atsumu miya smau
synopsis: when y/n l/n, a rising actress, decides to star in a romance film that could make or break her career, she’s unable to showcase her skills, revealing her inexperience within the romance department instead. worst of all, atsumu miya, her co-star and the main lead’s love interest, seems to hate her guts! with absolutely, unbearably zero chemistry between the two, an idea was proposed: spend time with one another in the upcoming weeks. will y/n be able to ignore her professionalism and listen to her heart? and will she, a clueless romantic, be able to pick up on the signs her co-star is sending her?
a/n: FINALYL FINISHED UGHHH I SWEAR THIS TOOK AN ETERNITY hoped u liked y/n and atsumu's backstories + his very heartfelt apology + emma being a very bad person
taglist is open! dm or ask to be a part of it! (those bolded were unable to be tagged)
⌒☆ @kqbukimono @empathum @clyver @chosoluv @oceansfloor @sunarots @marga-j @rukia-uchiha-98 @wyrcan @thechaosoflonging @rintarousgirl @ast4rg1rl @seiamor @saiewithakatana @usermins @literally-a-ferret @terrarain @iuspired @haruskatana @wolffmaiden @ris-krispie @vellichxrr6782 @animenaces-world @reignsaway @emii4evr @writing-for-the-hell-of-it @yuminako @tojirin @v3nusplanetofluv @vyvixen @secondary-character-25 @tenjikusstuff4 @444choso @mylahrins @deimmortales99 @hisfuture @staywhelmed8801 @dl-yum @nessaasstuff @milesmoralesluvs @101tsumu @ryeyeyer @cherrypieyourface
#haikyuu smau series#smaus#social media au#haikyuu smau#haikyuu#hq smau#hq#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x yn#hq x reader#hq x you#hq x yn#haikyuu atsumu miya#atsumu miya#atsumu miya x reader#atsumu miya x you#atsumu miya x yn#atsumu miya smau#actors au#celebrity au#romance
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Two Broken Souls
Alright, I've thought about this quite a while and I believe this is a situation which could actually happen. Billy is an asshole, yes, but he's also a broken boy. Maybe, if you somehow manage to peek beneath his bad boy-facade, you can see the real Billy Hargrove. Because I do somehow believe that there's something good inside him.
English is not my first language, so please be kind and ignore any spelling or grammar mistakes!
Word Count: 3.4k
Content Warning: mentions of abuse and suicide, angst, mentions of alcoholism, language
Plot: After you and Billy accidentally discover how painfully similar your back stories are, you begin to warm up with each other. Both dealing with an abusive father, you start to seek comfort in each other, getting closer together than originally anticipated.
Billy was a broken boy. You always thought he was because of the way he acted towards everyone. He was an asshole, never treated anyone fairly, especially not women. So, you originally wanted to stay away from him, refusing to be one of his little toys. And it worked, he was never able to make a move on you.
Until you got to know Max a lot better. You started hanging out with her, she was a great friend even if she was three years younger than you.
The first time you went to her house was when she wanted to attend the Snow Ball and asked you to make your hair. You were a little hesitant since it also meant you could meet Billy, but still, you decided to go and do this favor for Max.
When you arrived at the house and got invited by Max’s mother, there was no sight of Billy. You talked with Max and had a great time while braiding her hair. She enjoyed spending time with you, was happy to finally have someone similar to the big sister she never had, and she admired how easy the way you braided her red hair looks. Still, she was a little insecure about this ball, and whether she should really go or not. You gently smiled at her and made sure that she realized how pretty she is. And really, Max looked adorable in her fit for the Snow Ball.
Just when you secured the last braid of Max’s hair, someone stepped into the hallway behind you, you can see it through the mirror. And when your eyes met Billy’s, it took you a lot of strength not to react. But instead of saying anything, his gaze just wandered to Max and back to you before he walked off silently, confusing you even more.
“The hell is wrong with Hargrove?” you muttered to yourself, but Max heard you.
“Taught him a lesson when he wanted to force me to come back here. I hope he finally respects me more,” she answered quietly and now you looked her in the eyes through the mirror, a little surprised.
“Taught him a lesson?” you asked and Max nodded, a hint of pride visible in her eyes.
“Yep, I nearly smashed his balls with a baseball bat, threatened to do it if he won’t leave me alone,” she explained as if it’s nothing and you couldn’t help but laugh at her braveness.
“You’re one of a kind, Max,” you laughed and gently rubbed her back, then gestured her that she’s finished.
“You can go and get your mom, you’ll have to leave soon to not be too late.”
Max got up, but looked at you a little sad.
“Why don’t you come with me? It would be more fun with you around,” she said, but you shook your head, declining gently.
“No no, I don’t like stuff like this. You go and have fun, it will be awesome, I know it,” you assured her and finally, she left to get her mother. You originally wanted to leave together with Max and her mother and then drive back home, but halfway out of the door, you realized you forgot your jacket. So, you said goodbye to the two women and walked inside the house again to look after your piece of clothes. Just when you found it, you could hear loud voices. You froze in your spot, easily recognizing one of the voices as Billy’s and the other one you believed was from his father. You hesitated, not meaning to invade their privacy, but from what you could hear the two say and the volume they argued at, you were a bit worried. So, you silently walked up the stairs of the house towards where you believed the argument was located.
Right when you step into the doorframe of Billy’s room, you froze on the spot. You were greeted by a scene of violence, Billy’s father Neil grabbing Billy’s arm tightly and slapping him across the face, scolding the boy for how he apparently misbehaved a few minutes ago downstairs. When you saw Neil hitting his son, instant flashbacks flooded you and you couldn’t help but just stare.
Billy was the first to spot you, and his eyes widened. Neil also looked over his shoulder and realized that you saw his punishment on Billy, instantly letting go of him.
“What on earth are you doing here?” Neil asked infuriated, and you slowly came back to reality, looking at Neil shocked.
“I think the better question is, what on earth are you doing with Billy?!” you asked instead of answering, making Neil even more angry with this.
“It’s none of your business how I educate my son,” he wanted to divert attention from the scenery you all are in, and you shook your head disbelievingly.
“Wha- educate? What you’re doing to him has fucking nothing to do with education!” you blurted out, anger now visible in your own eyes. Neil raised a finger at you, as if he wanted to threaten you as well.
“Watch the way you’re talking to me, child. Show me some goddamn respect!”
You laughed out, shaking your head at his audacity.
“To people like you that are abusing their children? Oh, I talk to you the way I fucking want to, you don’t deserve any kind of respect from me!” you spat right back at him and could see from the look in his eyes that he really wanted to teach you a lesson there, too. But he couldn’t do that. If he would have, he’d be in real trouble, and he knew. That’s why he stayed silent and just looked at you furious.
“I’ll handle it, sir. Let me handle this,” Billy intervened and walked towards you, eventually guiding you outside and to your car.
“Tell anyone about this and I’ll kill you myself,” was what he said back then, and you never thought that incident would actually bring you two closer together. But from that day on, yours and Billy’s looks had crossed several times throughout the day, and you knew he was making sure that you kept your mouth shut. You did, you never told anyone, not even Max.
And after a while, Billy slowly began to ease at your knowledge, somehow trusting you with the information you had. He nodded at you when you met in the hallways at school or when you saw each other at the parking lot, and you always just nodded back, it almost became a habit of the two of you. But that was it, nothing else happened.
Until he found out about your family, as well. It was by accident, he was on his way to a date and drove past your house, not even realizing it at first. But then, he saw your car outside, and you together with your father. You were screaming at your old man, furious about how drunk he was again already, when that man grabbed you by the hair and pulled you inside your house. Billy instantly took a turn and stopped at your house, going inside and saving you from a beating of your father. He refused to leave you alone, took you with him in his Camaro to a spot a little outside of Hawkins, and there, you told him everything. How your mother died by suicide, how your father abused not only you but used to do it with your mother as well, how drunk your father always was. And how you always tried to act like it didn’t bother you at all. You always tried to keep a steady composure, act like you’re perfectly fine. And until that day, nobody knew that you had to deal with shit like this. Billy admired you and the way you handled everything, but on the other side, he was irritated at how differently you reacted to him. You both had the same problems, yet he became the biggest jerk at school, a big asshole, while you always kept being the pure girl you are. The pure, sweet and kind girl he got to know. And now he found out about your cruel backstory, and he felt bad.
Safe to say, after what he just found out, Billy never made it to that date.
After that day, you really started to feel a connection with Billy. You didn’t want to admit it, but the abusive nature of both your fathers was what brought you together. You both sought some weird way of comfort in the fact that the two of you now had someone who understood you, even if you never really talked about it. Billy hesitantly opened up to you too, about his father and a little bit about his mother as well. It wasn’t a lot, Billy is not good with talking about feelings, but still, you felt a little proud that he trusted you enough by now to talk about his family issues. It was a late summer day then, you both were the last ones to leave the school after he had his basketball practice and you after staying longer to finish a school project. It happened that you both parked your cars directly next to each other, and after just some small talk, he opened up a little. He didn’t talk about it much, but that was okay for you, you were just happy that he chose you as the person to talk to. Nobody else knows anything about this part in his life, it always made you kind of special. You had something nobody else ever had before, and it made you a little proud. It made you stand out, for both Billy and the rest.
The first real change in his behavior you noticed was how Billy started avoiding being violent when you were around. You first realized it when, in school, Billy was in a heated argument with Jason about something you didn’t even know, and a crowd was watching the two men. When you stepped into the circle, however, and Billy realized, he decided to let Jason go and not beat him up. You didn’t think too much of it, but it happened more than once. And eventually, he stopped provoking fights completely. He still was the heated Billy Hargrove the whole school knew by then, he still was this cocky jerk who thought was ‘the king’. But he wasn’t physically violent anymore, not that you knew. You heard of a few fights, but those were always because someone else started it and Billy only defended himself. Billy tried to keep this kind of violence away from you, keep these ’news’ about a fight away from you. He somehow didn’t want you to think about him as a violent teenager with anger issues, he slowly started caring about your opinion. He wanted you to not think bad of him anymore. And when he realized this, he was irritated at first, but kind of accepted it at last. He kept these thoughts to himself, however.
Then he stopped complaining about you hanging out with Max at their house, he instead started greeting you there, too. He slowly warmed up with the fact to see you around this often. He started feeling at ease whenever he saw you in their house, whenever he heard your voice, your laugh from either the living room or Max’s room. He stopped commenting on how ‘weird’ it was to hang out with a girl that much younger than you. He admitted to himself, by then he was kind of happy that you and Max got along that well. He was able to see you sometimes daily, after school as well. It was an unfamiliar feeling for him, because normally, girls his age didn’t ever spend that much time around him. Especially without him making a move on them. Especially when he was attracted to them. And he was attracted to you, he knew that for a while already.
He eventually stopped flirting with every girl he saw at school, his flirty actions became more and more rare. It looked like the only girl he really payed attention to was you, still always nodding at you when he saw you, looking at you whenever he could. Everyone at school noticed, the girls weren’t too thrilled about Billy seemingly settling on one girl and that it wasn’t them. The boy were irritated, surprised about how Billy wasn’t interested in flirting with every female around him anymore. He tried to, at first, he tried to get his mind off of you by spending even more time with other girls, but he never entirely stopped thinking about you. And because he finally realized it was useless, he stopped hanging out with all these girls, stopped going on dates, stopped fooling around. It was foreign for him, only thinking about one girl and being this occupied with her, yet, he slowly warmed up to that fact as well. Still keeping his thoughts to himself.
You noticed all this, you noticed the changes in Billy’s behavior. But you didn’t allow yourself to think that is was possibly because of you. Nobody could make Billy Hargrove change, no girl was able to twist his mind that much, and especially, if nothing ever happened physically between the two of you. You weren’t unpopular or ugly, but there were other girls at school far more attractive and popular, so why would it be you, out of all of them? You simply refused to think that Billy got interested in you, that he wanted to change because of you. When, in fact, you were his entire reason.
Then, he slowly started to actually talk to you when you were at their house, in the kitchen for example. He would occasionally ask about your day, try his best to cautiously ask about your father and if he did something. And when he found out that you’re actually interested in the same type of music as him, you two started talking a lot about this. It almost became natural to talk to him when you were visiting them, you finally started to feel comfortable around Billy. You enjoyed your little talks when bumping into him at their house, smiled at him every now and then, and finally, Billy got comfortable enough to smile at you genuinely as well, not with his typical flirty smirk.
Max noticed very quickly that you and Billy got along with each other, and at first, she was hesitant, even warned you about him. But the more time went by, the more she realized that her step-brother actually started changing. She saw the way Billy looked at you, the way he treated you. She saw how he stopped bringing girls home, how his cocky behavior slowly faded around you and was replaced by a more natural, softer version of Billy. And she saw how he acted when you were around, it was obvious that he wanted you to think good of him. Max didn’t want to believe it, but at some point, it was painfully obvious for her: Billy Hargrove, the guy whose cold heart no girl was able to win over, fell for her best friend. He caught feelings for you.
And then finally, he asked you to hang out privately, just the two of you. It wasn’t initially labeled as a ‘date’, but in secret, you both kind of hoped that it was one. He picked you up after school and you drove to Lover’s Lake, spending the day there together. And you actually had a great time. Nothing happened, you just hung out together and talked a lot, you even shared a few laughs together. It was nice seeing Billy laugh in an authentic way, not his typical ‘bad boy laugh’ to impress ladies, his real laugh made him look genuine and pure, you enjoyed seeing him like this. At that point, you couldn’t help yourself anymore, you liked the new Billy. You liked the Billy he was around you, the Billy he showed to you. You liked how he changed, and you really hoped he did it for you. At school, he still somewhat was the old Billy Hargrove, but when you were around, he got softer, even at school. When his friends started noticing, Billy was quick to teach them not to make fun of it, but still, he always kept it calm around you. It was obvious for the whole school, for everyone but the two of you.
You hung out quite often after you first ‘date’, Billy even started talking to you openly at school. He behaved differently towards you, like an actual decent guy, not like the old, bad Billy Hargrove he always pretended to be. You didn’t even care about all rumors or mean words about you, you were just happy that Billy finally seemed to heal a little. You enjoyed that he finally openly talked to you and felt comfortable enough to show it to the people at school. Every day, when he met you at your locker and talked to you, you felt happy. You didn’t mean to, but at some point, you had to admit to yourself that you liked him. Liked him a lot more than you intended to in the first place.
Your first kiss was when you really decided to stick together. It was when you found him after another argument with Neil, leaning on the hood of his Camaro in front of their house, smoking a cigarette while trying to regain his composure. You instantly knew what happened, it wasn’t the first time you saw Billy like this. You originally wanted to come over to get something you forgot there the day before, but when you saw Billy outside, you didn’t care about that stupid hat anymore. You went up to Billy, and when he heard your footsteps, he looked over his shoulder, expecting you to be either Susan or Max. But when he saw you, he relaxed. Since you already saw him at his worst, he didn’t really care anymore, he just looked at you, tears in his eyes. You knew what to do, especially since that day sought to be a worse one than others. So, you gently took the cigarette from him and instead, just hugged him. Hugs never happened often between you two, but you knew he just needed it in that moment. And yes, he instantly hugged you back, leaning into you and breathing heavily to not give in to his emotions.
You whispered soft words, calming him by gently running your fingers through his hair and you waited for him to calm down again. Moments like these rarely happened, normally, Billy still was the confident boy you got to know, Billy knew how to stay upright even after a fight with his father. But that day, he just needed comfort, that day he wasn’t strong enough. And even if moments like these were extremely rare, you gladly helped him. When Billy finally leaned back again and looked you in the eyes, you could see how hard he was trying to hold back the tears. You didn’t even think about it anymore, you just put your hands on his cheeks and gently brushed your thumbs over his soft skin. He stared right back at you, and after a short moment of just exchanging looks, you finally leaned in and placed your lips on his. Yes, you were the one that kissed him first. A few months before only, you swore to yourself to not let Billy get close to you, and now you were there, breaking your own pledge by kissing him and allowing him to get closer than you ever anticipated. But it felt good, Billy felt good for you. He immediately kissed you back, softly and with much more emotion than you expected, keeping you close to him.
Billy broke the kiss first, looking at you with surprisingly much affection and gratitude, he even smiled gently at you. It was a genuine smile, he was completely honest with his emotions in that situation.
“Thank you,” he whispered only, and you just nodded with a small smile on your lips. Months ago, you would’ve scolded yourself now for your weakness, but Billy changed. He changed and now you think it’s worth a shot, you wanted to help him.
Billy may be a broken boy. But you’re broken, too, you both share the same story. You and him are two broken souls.
And two broken souls can heal each other, can become one complete soul.
#billy hargrove#stranger things#billy hargrove fic#billy hargrove x reader#billy hargrove stranger things#billy hargrove fanfic#billy hargrove oneshot#one shot#angst#fanfiction#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things oneshot
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Do They Get Invited to the Fontaine Masquerade Ball? [Mondstadt]
A/N: Based on my post where I begged Hoyo to give us a Fontaine masquerade ball event. If they don't, this is the post I am using to quench my thirst.
Warnings: This is just my opinions and thoughts! If you think differently it is okay! (In my original post I said that I thought that the "higher-ups" would get invited so that is what I'm basing it off), written in an informal way, not all characters have headcanons!
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Yes - Jean, Kaeya, Diluc, Eula
Jean: She's anxious that something may go wrong if she's not there, especially with Klee. Lisa reassures her that everything will be okay (Lisa can be strict too so I think they'll be fine). Her co-knights (and Diluc) try to comfort her as well saying it is something to be proud of for her. I think she starts feeling better when she receives compliments from other guests of her being the acting grand master.
Kaeya: Was surprised he was going, because he thought Jean would've asked him to stay (Diluc: the Knights of Favonius are inefficient, you really think you'd stay?). He remembers that one time his adopted father was away for two days for the ball, and can't fathom that he'd get this chance. I just know his outfit for the masquerade ball is e x t r a v a g a n t.
Diluc: He remembers his father getting invited, so now it's his turn. He is hesitant on going, since there is business to take care of with the winery, possible memories of his father, and of course- his "dear" brother who is also attending. He probably is asked to bring wine by the organizers. When he gets dressed, Kaeya's like huh you're not wearing the darknight hero mask? And if you listen closely you can hear retribution.
Eula: Also surprised she got an invite because of her lineage... but on the other hand, she is not her ancestors, nor is she getting invited for that reason. Amber is excited for her and begs her to tell her all about it when she comes back. She is the best when it comes to the ballroom dancing part.
No - Amber, Lisa, Barbara, Razor, Bennett, Noelle, Fischl, Sucrose, Diona, Rosaria, Mika, Klee
Most of them are too young anyway... however that doesn't stop them from getting excited about a ball even though they cannot attend.
Fischl: She claims she is not jealous, because in her kingdom they have their own masquerade ball. Fontaine has an exquisite ballroom with the most brilliant chandeliers? The Immernachtreich has a better one, all purples and black with candles and Oz themed lights. She immediately organizes it along with asking her mom to make her favourite cold cut platter, and invites all her friends.
Bennett: Hears about Fischl's masquerade ball and is very much convinced that her's sounds better than Fontaine's. When he attends Fischl's ball, (well it looks better in her head but) he thinks it's the most amazing event he'd been to.
Klee: She is sad that Kaeya and a few of her other friends have to leave, though it's only for a bit. Klee asks him to bring back something like a Fontaine-Dodoco, Kaeya chuckles and says sure. Lisa and Albedo are the main people who have to keep her out of trouble.
Razor: Potatoes.
Well... - Venti, Mona, Albedo
Venti: If this guy can somehow make it to Lantern Rite and Irodori, then he can get to the ball. Not saying he was ever invited, but something tells me he has a scheme twirling his fake mustache and sneaking in. I won't deny that it would be fun to see him at a masquerade ball. Insert Diluc's deadpan face when he sees an alcoholic bard made his way to Fontaine. Venti makes up a fake title- "The Best Wine Taster of Teyvat"
Mona: She has wrote on the Steambird which drew in a lot of readers, so I think she has a good chance of getting invited. She'd be able to connect with any Fontaine fans that enjoy her astrology columns. I also think her outfit would be very elegant.
Albedo: I feel like he has a chance of getting invited but declines for two reasons. One because he has a lot of research to do and two, because someone needs to keep Klee from blowing up Mondstadt (and possible sus-bedos on the loose). I believe if anything, Sucrose would be the one to convince him to go since there could be more things alchemy related to discover in Fontaine, or other alchemists or scientists to meet.
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#genshin#genshin impact#genshin imagines#genshin headcanons#genshin impact imagines#genshin fluff#diluc ragnvindr#kaeya alberich#jean gunnhildr#eula lawrence#genshin amber#genshin lisa#genshin barbara#genshin razor#genshin bennett#genshin noelle#genshin fischl#genshin diona#genshin sucrose#genshin rosaria#genshin mika#genshin klee#venti#genshin mona#albedo#this is just for fun
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Code Blue Ch. 32- Heartbeat
Summary: Lee refuses to give up. Jo and Megan clash, ending in a shocking twist. More shock ensues as Jo has another unpleasant encounter. Craig and Josie have another long talk over more wine. A trusting bond and friendship is created. Lee gets the wrong idea.
*Warnings* language, angst
Stories Stories Stories Masterlist
Chapter characters: Lee, Josie, Ethan, Megan, Craig, Cyrus,
Salem, Massachusetts
March 7, 2023
The Lake House
"Hey, Jo, it's me again. I wish you'd at least talk to me. It's been a week. I see your things here in the guest room that you left and....everyday...I...I stare at the note you wrote. Your presence is everywhere, especially in my heart where no one else will ever be...I mean that baby. It's only you, it's only ever been you. Did you find my letter yet? I put it in your purse the morning after we had first made love. I...I need you to read that. I meant every word. Please, call me back. Let me explain things like I know I should have long ago. I'm ready now because...I can't lose you. I won't. I love you so much miss Massachusetts. Forever....and god...I miss you." Lee softly whispered as he closed his watery eyes.
Just as Lee hung up, the phone rang. He picked it up so fast, thinking it was you that he forgot to check the caller ID.
"Jo baby!?"
"No, Sorry Lee, it's Britt."
"Oh....hey, have you talked to her? Is she alright? I..." Lee hopefully blurted out.
"Lee, no, that's not why I am calling...and of course she's not alright, but I a not going to talk to you about her. The conference has been set for the negligence case. It's next week."
"So, the results of Henrietta's autopsy are back? What did it say???"
"I cannot tell you that Lee, you know that."
"Jesus Britt, just tell me if she died because of something I did. You know how long I have been waiting for this. I need to know."
"I'm sorry, I can't. Just a head's up, Mr. Carpenter will be attending, which that was to be expected. It's at 10am on Monday the 13th."
"The 13th...great." he said sarcastically. "Well at least it's not a Friday. Alright...I will be there."
All because of you, Lee had become superstitious about things when he never used to be, for he had witnessed way too many things to not believe, such as all the crazy relevant signs regarding you and him and also the thing pertaining to his parents and Jacob.
"Hey, can you at least tell Jo? I really need her there...I..I understand if she declines but...could you at least tell her? She won't call me back and I don't know if she's even listening to my voicemails or reading my texts and she hasn't even been online."
"If I see her. I'm not going to just text her about it. This is all between you and Josie. A word of advice though, as I've told you before. Get your shit together Lee. She's the best thing that's ever happened to you and you definitely do not deserve her. I gotta go."
"Yeah I know she is. You don't have to remin.....hello?"
Britt had hung up which only pissed Lee off. He was still angry with her for blabbing her drunken mouth to you at his dad's funeral reception about his one night with her many years ago and also telling you about seeing him with Ethan and Jason once upon a time.
"Fucking Britch!" he shouted, slamming down the receiver. Lee owned an old corded land line phone and there was nothing quite like the satisfaction of hearing the ringing bang it made upon impact.
Lee sent you another text, then got dressed and headed out, for there was something special he wanted to do for you.
"I had you. Last night I had a dream that felt like a memory. A glimpse of what could have been. Crossed signals from another life, where instead of all of this, I had you....and life was exquisitely simple and we were desperately happy. It was no dream. It was real. We had all that. I had you....and it's all I still want. Tell me it's not too late."
You had stopped at your mom's to gather the rest of your things, realizing that some of the items you wanted were at Lee's lake house after listening to his most recent of many voicemails and he was the most valuable one there. Were your things that important to risk seeing him? It would completely derail your out of sight, out of mind tactic which you already knew would eventually fail because you just weren't strong enough to stay away from him. Every minute of everyday was pure hell and there was no way you could just get your things and go. You didn't even know how you had managed to make it an entire week. You weren't sleeping, you weren't eating, you weren't talking to anyone except Britt and your dreams were consumed of Lee's face in the few moments you actually able to drift off. Dreams that were just like the text he had just sent you and now...now he said he's ready to talk...but were you? If what he had to tell you scared him this bad, then honestly, you were also scared to death to know the truth that you so desperately wished for. Well, isn't that what Daughtry crammed into your head at least fifty times this week at random times? the song 'It's Not Over'. Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it all... and then some you don't want....
You sat on your bed and began digging through your purse to find this letter he said he put in there. How did you not see it? You soon understood after rummaging through your pile of junk and finding it on the bottom. You swear you had everything but the kitchen sink in there. You had to roll your eyes and lightly smile in wondering how the hell he ever thought you would find it. Why didn't he just give it to you? Maybe it was intentional? Maybe he wanted you to find it at a time you needed it the most...like now.
As you reluctantly opened it, knowing how bad it was going to hurt, you could smell Lee's cologne which hurt the most of all. You brought it to your nose and inhaled him in deeply, then began reading..
"My Dearest Jo,
One day our eyes met and you smiled at me and I had to pause for a moment because I felt safe, and I had not recognized that feeling. It was as if I just knew you would be standing there when I looked up again, and you were, literally in my house. I don't even have the right words to describe this to you, but I just knew, somehow. Despite all of the odds that have worked so cruelly against me, I knew in my heart that I had finally found the one. I truly feel that you and I love with a love that is more than love. The first time I realized I was in love with you, it was a night I couldn't fall asleep, because I knew that my new and strange reality was better than my dreams. Our tight hugs, our late night conversations, our almost kisses, I remember it all, and sometimes...a tear falls while doing so. You gave me something that no one ever had before. You gave me peace. Like a river that had been rushing, pulled by the current for too long, you made my waters still. I found rest in your arms.
I love you to the moon and back and beyond all the stars in the sky."
Forever,
Lee
Now you were just ugly crying as you clutched the letter against your pounding chest. This man was for real and he had been all yours. No one had ever spoken such beautiful and heartfelt words to you. No one had ever touched you or looked at you the way he had. No one could ever ease your anxiety, no matter what they did and how hard they tried, but it all seemed to have disappeared when he was with you, for his arms made it all go away, just like on the elevator. This was where you were supposed to be. He was home to you. Was it too late like he asked? Could he truly forgive you for selfishly walking out on him?
You needed to try and be rational this time because your irrational decisions are what got you in this mess in the first place, so you decided to go take the things you had back to your apartment and think it all over with out the presence of your sinister sibling in your orbit. Down the stairs you went, trying to ignore Megan who sat in the kitchen, talking on the phone and smoking a cigarette. That part, you could not ignore.
"Put that out! Mom will have a shit fit and I don't need to worry about you burning the house down with her in it."
"I gotta go babe. See you soon." she told the anonymous person on the line, then hung up and turned to you.
"You don't get to tell me what to do. You don't live here." she cockily smiled and took another hit, audaciously blowing the smoke right at you as you angrily stood over her.
Every ounce of rage you had pent up inside of you as you ripped it from her hand and ran it under the kitchen faucet.
"What the fuck! That was my last one!"
"Damn right it was! Go outside and smoke, preferably down on the street corner, doing what you do best, where you could earn some money to buy more instead of mooching off mom!"
"Oh that's just great Josie, coming from the beloved daughter who has all of Daddy's and Jason's money and don't have to work!"
"Gee Megan, do you ever wonder why that is??? You've been gone for years and then just pop in here when Jason dies. Did you really think he would leave you anything after all you have done?? And Dad's money is controlled by mom per his wishes. And I DO work, remember?? Or did you forget the family businesses I help with that you abandoned??? I guess you'll have to keep whoring it up."
"You entitled little bitch! So special aren't you?? And mom has control over your precious little boat too that by the way, she's selling!"
"I am special Megan, because I don't use my family or do shitty things to them! The only reason you're even here is because of mom allowing it since you're her daughter but she still knows what you are. A fucking freeloader....and mom would never sell Jason's boat. She would have told me first of all so you can stop lying just to piss me off."
"Ohhh no no no! No lies, you'll see. She wants no ties to his lifestyle and so you know, I do have a man now and he's quite rich thank you. A sugar daddy per se. How's that area going for you sis??"
Megan's grin was telling, as if she already knew about you and Lee's split and it distracted you from what she just said about the Haunted Star.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean??"
"Oh nothing. Just an observation. You just can't seem to keep a man's interest solely on you can you? First Gerry, now Lee. At least Gerry though, didn't screw you over for a guy."
"You need to shut your mouth before I shut it for you." you snarled though clenched teeth. "You don't know what the hell you are talking about!"
"Oh yes I do, and much more."
Just then, the rumble of a motorcycle pulled up and stupidly made you think for one second it was Jason until it began obnoxiously beeping.
"Gotta run! Ta Ta.." Megan jested and trotted out the door.
Out of sheer curiosity, you walked outside to see who the mystery man was and you soon wished you hadn't. There was Ethan on a Harley, black tee, no helmet, just like your brother would do.
He revved it up and smiled wide as you gaped at him.
"Ooooh she looks porangi." you heard him tell Megan who laughed hysterically and hopped on behind him, then off they went as Ethan winked at you.
After you collected your dropped jaw, you raced inside and called your mom, for she needed to be warned about Ethan. Even if she knew about him, she surely didn't know who he was.
"Mom! Call me back asap! You need to kick Megan out. Did you know about the guy she is hanging around??? He's bad news mom and I also need to talk to you about something she told me which better not be true. Call me! Love you."
You gathered your stuff and headed back to your apartment, completely mind blown over what you had just witnessed, so much so that you were trembling all over. Megan was a real tool and now it made sense pertaining to her not so subtle hints and knowing about Lee's sexuality. Ethan's been telling her things and surely, he was just using her to get to you and Lee, not that you cared about her one bit, for she deserved everything she would get by keeping company like Ethan.
"Stupid girl!!!" you shouted, wiping tears of anger from your eyes. You wanted to call Lee so bad, but first, you were going to go and calm down, then go from there.
In your frenzy of racing up the stairs of the apartment complex, you turned the corner and did what you did best, clumsily tripped over your own two feet and dropped your box of stuff, spilling it all over the hallway floor.
There, by the elevator gate stood Craig with some much older man that you had never seen before, sporting a pony tail of long silver hair, a matching goatee and a suit and tie. He looked at you, then Craig and back at you with surprise, then stepped forward.
Craig immediately rushed in front of him to help you pick up the scattered stuff.
"Hey there Jo, are you alright?"
"Uh...y...yeah.." you stuttered through your embarrassment as you knelt down to assist.
Craig looked up at you a few times, then quietly spoke. "Are you sure? You...you've been crying..."
"Oh, that. No. Bad allergies, that's all." you quickly responded, keeping your head lowered while piling the stuff back in the box.
"I hope I didn't startle you there miss...Jo is it?" the stranger asked with an attempt to know your name.
You stood up and Craig handed you the box. "No, no...I...I was just in a hurry and not paying attention....and...it's...just Josie."
Craig nervously chuckled, offering a cute smile. "Ahhh yes, that's right. Just Josie."
"Where are your manners Craig? Aren't you going to introduce me to your beautiful friend here?" the man smelling of old spice asked, gazing at you in a way that creeped you the fuck out.
Something in Craig's eyes and sudden change of demeanor told you that he did not want to and it was becoming clear to you that you had caught them both off guard. There were also these tiny beads of sweat forming on Craig's forehead.
"Uh...yeah. Sorry um, Josie, this is....my father...Cyrus."
Cyrus. Why did that name sound familiar? It certainly wasn't common....but somewhere, you've heard it.
He stretched his arm out, desiring you to shake his hand in which you reluctantly took, for bad vibes is all you got from him. His hand was large and clammy, pretty much how he looked in general.
"It's...n...nice to meet you." you softly said and quickly retracted your hand, cringing inside.
"Oh the pleasure is all mine...Josie. Do you...have a last name...just Josie?"
You glanced at Craig, who's eyes refrained from yours and rested on the box you were holding as his perspiring was becoming a bit more profuse. This man, his father, apparently made Craig feel the way you did...but why?
"Uh...it's....March."
Craig's hands went inside his pockets and his head lowered even more as Cyrus's eyes slightly widened, then swayed over to his son.
"Well...Miss March, again, it was a pleasure. I must be on my way now. I will speak with you later...Craig."
The tone of how he said your last name and the way he once again looked at Craig, had your skin crawling.
Cyrus then left, leaving an anxious Craig to try and avoid you.
"Well, I am sorry to have kept you. You said you were in a hurry so I will let you get back to whatever it was you were doing." he rambled out and attempted to quickly walk away.
"Hey, wait." you called to him, causing him to freeze at his door and slowly turn around.
"Maybe I should be asking if you are the one who is alright?" you then asked.
"Who me?"
You giggled. "Well, you are the only one out here aren't you?"
Craig's head dropped as he chuckled. "Yeahhh, I guess I am. No, I'm fine. Really."
Liar, you thought. "Well, ok...hey I um...well, you asked me once before if we could talk again and share some wine. Would you like to?"
His hands went to his hips as a befuddled look graced his face. "You mean...now?"
"No time like the present. I really could use a glass or two after the day I've had and try to relax a bit. Seems you could...too?"
"I uh, thought you were busy?"
"Yes, well, I was, to try and gather my thoughts and all. If you can't or don't wan to, it's alri.."
"No, no. Sure. Come on in."
Craig politely opened the door, allowing you to enter first and bee-lined straight for the wine.
"Make yourself at home. Red wine good for you?"
"Yes, that's fine, thank you."
You sat the box down and then walked over to him.
"Once again, where are my manners. Here, have a seat."
Craig handed you your wine and pulled a chair over for you, then he plopped down upon a stool, seemingly still very nervous as he drank down his glass in two gulps and poured another from the bottle he brought with him.
"Craig...are...you sure you're ok?"
"Huh? Oh...yep." he simply said as he nodded with a smile, also seemingly very distracted.
"Enough about me. How about you? Do you want to tell me why you lied about having allergies?"
"When you tell me why you're lying about being fine."
"Oooh. Touche'. Alright then. But ladies first. I insist."
"Ok fine. You're right. I had been crying. Seems to be all I do anymore. I don't know. It's a long story that would bore you to death."
"You hardly bore me. In fact, not even a little bit. I actually find you quite intriguing and I'd like to get to know you, so here's the deal. You tell me what you want to. No pressure, no judgment, just a set of ears and any advice if you ask for it."
Craig's face was sincere and patient, especially his kind and soft sky blue eyes that studied your pained deep gold ones, trying to figure you out. Amber, he thought, was the best description he could think of as he became a bit lost in them....and for some reason unbeknownst to you, you felt you could trust the man you'd only spoken to less than a handful of times.
"Well...I guess I could start with my sister, which I despise even calling her that. Mickey and Mallory would be a better fit since that's pretty much what I witnessed today as she took off with a complete psycho. A match made in hell."
"Ahhh, Natural Born Killers. Good flick. She's that bad eh?"
"Yeah, and much more. She's done so many terrible things to me and to people I care about and this creep, who's also caused me and those I love nothing but trouble, is suddenly in her life, well, probably has been for awhile and I know it's intentional, just to get to me and Lee."
"Lee...your boyfriend right?"
Your eyes drifted away in sadness, not knowing how to answer that now.
"Well....no, I mean, yes...or he was...oh my god, I don't even know right now." you stammered as your eyes began to sting. No way, you weren't going to cry in front of him. Nope. The more you told yourself that, the harder it became to stop it until you just broke down, immediately throwing your palms over your face.
Craig's expression instantly turned sympathetic and he quietly got up to get you a tissue, then he sweetly kneeled before you.
"Here sweetheart."
You couldn't move. Mostly because of humiliation.
"I..I never do this!" you loudly muttered through your hands in frustration. "I never cry in front of complete strangers."
His soft fingers, sprinkled with a rainbow of paint, gently took your wrist and coaxed you out of hiding.
"I'm not exactly a complete stranger and as I said, there's no judgment here. Your secret is safe with me. I won't tell if you don't." Craig assured you as he offered you the tissue with a warm comforting smile.
He actually managed to bring a light smile to your lips and you humbly took the tissue, then quickly wiped your mascara streaked tears away.
"I..I am so sorry. This is so embarrassing."
"Hey, no. Don't do that. Don't apologize for being human. A person can only take so much and sometimes, a good cry is needed, or even hurling a smurf against the wall in a bout of rage and watching it splatter can also suffice."
You hadn't laughed so hard all week as you remembered him throwing the can of blue paint against the wall and telling him it looked like he murdered a smurf. In fact, you hadn't even laughed at all, or even smiled, yet Craig managed to bring both out of you in a matter of 2 minutes.
"There...there we go." he chuckled. "That's better. We can stop talking if you want."
"Oh no, you're not getting out of it that easy mister." you giggled. "But...to finish up, this asshat my twisted sister is hanging around, he's the entire reason my relationship is in shambles. He's a manipulator, a liar and he's dangerous. He put his own brother in the hospital and got away with it because everyone is scared of him, rightfully so of course, but yeah, he uh, he is jealous of me and wants Lee all to himself, but Lee...he don't want anything to do with him...or at least he claims he don't..."
"But you...don't believe him?"
"I want to...I...I don't know Craig. What I do know is Ethan will stop at nothing to get what he wants."
"E..Ethan?" he asked, seemingly stunned.
"Yeah, do...you know who I am talking about?"
"He wouldn't happen to have long dark hair, usually in one of those man bun things, British accent?"
"Jesus...yeah that would be him. How...how do you know him??"
Craig stood up and went to get more wine. He knew him alright, because of Jason.
"You're right Josie...he's very bad news. Have you ever heard of the Zacchara's?"
"Well yeah, my uh, my brother knew them, Johnny in particular and I know Ethan hung around him...but...how do you know this?"
Craig gulped down his wine, then nonchalantly turned with a forced smile.
"Most do. Massachusetts is crawling with mafia. So, is this Ethan terrorizing you as well?" he asked, swirling the wine around in his glass, almost as if he were becoming angered.
"I suppose that would be an appropriate term. I mean, he definitely harasses me and Lee. As I said, he had the audacity to show up today at my own mother's house to get Megan."
"Well...if he comes around here or bothers you again, let me know. I'll handle him."
"That's...very kind of you, but really, you don't want to get involved with this dude and I really don't want you to be...I mean...he stabbed his own brother..."
"His kind don't scare me, but thank you, for...caring. Don't get much of that in my life."
Craig went and poured another glass, then sat down, looking a bit glum.
"Here Jo...or just Josie I mean, have another glass yourself." he offered, holding the bottle out to you with his arm a bit wobbly, clearly feeling the effects of the red vintage he had been drinking rather quickly.
"Thank you. Soooo....are you speaking about your...father possibly? You just...seem a little nervous around him and even a little anxious."
"Well, I guess that's my cue to talk now." he chuckled. "But, I'd rather not speak about him if that's alright. I didn't even expect to see him here today. Just like the other dude, he just showed up after being...away...for a few years and well...he's also...kind of an asshole." he said with a grin.
"Oh, well of course you don't have to to talk about him or anything you don't want, just as you told me. May I ask then...about your little girl? Have you seen her yet?"
"Blaise...no. She's my heart. I seemed to have lost all inspiration in my art since she's been gone. I know there's a possibility she's not even mine, but it doesn't change how I feel about her." he said as he took out his phone, looking so defeated that it broke your heart.
"Of course it doesn't change how you feel. She'll always be your little girl, even if she possibly don't share your blood. I know someone who is going through that and he loves his son just the same. I look around here at all your work and honestly, I think it's amazing. You're very talented Craig. Much better than my artwork." you chuckled. "Maybe...I don't know, what if you put everything that you're feeling about your daughter into your work, you know, do it for her?"
"Pretty words." he softly said as he picked up his glass. "But...thank you. I appreciate you trying to cheer me up. You're sweet, you know that?"
"So you're an artist too huh?" Craig continued, seemingly not wanting to talk about Blaise anymore.
"I wouldn't exactly call it that. You...you're an artist. Me? not so much. My work is nowhere as good as all this."
"Well, I'll tell you what. How about if I come over to your apartment tomorrow and I'll take a look at it...I mean, if that's is alright with you?"
"You...want to see my work? Really? Uh, well, ok. But just don't laugh because...I warned you." you giggled again.
"Yes, I really want to see it. And...if you ever want to use my studio, just ask. I don't have a problem with that. Also, so you know, I would never laugh at you. You're far too beautiful, especially on the inside. You're a rare gem just Josie."
"I uh..."
Your phone beeped, saving you from the words you couldn't find. It was Lee, which made your butterflies go flutter happy.
"Hey...I am sorry to keep texting and calling but...can I please see you? I...I have something for you and I just...I just really want to see your face. I am down at the pay and park garage by your place. I'll wait for about an hour. Jo...I love you so much. Please come."
Craig observed your reaction as you read the text and could tell you were going to leave when you quickly drank down your wine.
"Saved by the bell...again." he softly laughed.
Not really, you thought as your anxiety jumped into high gear knowing Lee was just down the block. You weren't prepared to see him and hear the dreadful truth he said he was ready to tell you. The truth that you knew would back up Ethan's claims. If Lee felt nothing for him, then why did he hide it from you?
Releasing a heavy sigh, you clutched your chest and closed your eyes, attempting to breathe in through your nose and out your mouth, for if you didn't try to control it, Craig was about to witness a full on panic attack.
"Whoa hey there sweetheart, what's happening?" he asked and swiftly came right to you, cupping your face in his hands.
You don't know what happened at that moment as you found yourself pressing your body against his, your cheek against his chest and wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. Craig's heartbeat was what you were in need of, the soothing sound of something steady and stable, just like you did with Lee.
After the initial shock wore off, Craig's gaping mouth closed, then he slowly and hesitantly let his arms embrace your tiny trembling body. He didn't know what else to do, so he quietly stood still, keeping you in your safe zone until you were ready to release him.
Craig's body was firm and muscular, but the way he held you was as if you were a fragile flower. He reminded you somewhat of Jason. Not in how he acted or in his looks, although he also had blue eyes like your brother, but in his height, build and clothing of the typical black tee and jeans. And what in the world was the cologne you were inhaling?? It was heavenly and intoxicating...possibly Dolce Gabbana? Whatever it was, it was calming, just as the thumping of his heart was and it took your shakes away.
"You ok?" Craig softly whispered, afraid to move as his chin rested lightly on your head while listening carefully to your breaths that were now beginning to relax.
Once you came out of your state of panic, you panicked again at what you had done and flew back out of his arms.
"Oh god, Craig, I...I am SOOO sorry. I...I...I...I sometimes...get these attacks....anxiety and all and...and....heartbeats...I go for heartbeats...they're peaceful and soothing and...and...."
"Heyyyy, try to relax so you don't have another one." he calmly said, placing his hand on your cheek. "I don't know what happened, but...you're safe here, I'll make sure of that. As far as heartbeats, well, you did listen to your mother's for nine months so it makes sense why you would subconsciously seek that out."
Or maybe it was just him that you found peaceful and soothing.
"Yeah, I suppose that makes sense...I just feel so ridiculous, jumping on you like that. I can only imagine what you must be thinking of me, some hot mess that you now regret befriending."
"Well, I won't lie, you're definitely hot, but I don't see you as some mess. I am actually thinking, what could have happened to this sweet girl to cause her defenses to come out in such a way? and also, you...think of me as a friend now?"
Was he for real? Like, a good real? He seemed to say and do all the right things and to genuinely care. Maybe it was because he had been through what you had, being cheated on and made to feel worthless....and having to question how someone feels about you.
"Yeah, uh, I guess I do. You've been so kind to me, which a lot of people just aren't anymore. Annnd, you didn't freak out on me when I freaked out, which I've had my share of that over the years from people who were closest to me. So..yeah, I'd like to call you my friend. I...I trust you and that says a lot in itself, cause that certainly don't come easy for me."
Craig looked quite befuddled and even a bit bashful as he smiled and lowered his head before bringing his baby blues back to you.
"Well now, it would seem I was correct about you being a rare gem. I totally get everything you just said and well, I didn't freak out because you needed comfort, not panic. Thank you Josie. I am honored to be called your friend and to BE your friend.
"Alright, it is settled then...friend." you smiled. "But..."
"Ohh, there's the but.." he chuckled.
"No." you laughed. "Seriously though, I hate to do this, sorry....BUT...I gotta go. I will see you tomorrow then?"
"Sure. Just shoot me a text when you want me to stop by. Thank you Josie...for spending time with me. It was really nice to have someone to talk to."
"Thank you as well, for what you did for me. It was nice to see you and talk to you again. Try to have a good rest of your day ok? You can always text me if you need anything, I don't mind."
Craig then walked you out like a gentleman, checking all of your surroundings. "I'll do that. See you later little lady."
Your heart was racing again as you walked into the car garage, which was full of cars but you didn't see Lee's or him as you walked around. Surely he wouldn't have left already?
Quickly, you texted him, simply stating you were there. The beep of his phone had you spinning around to see him approaching you with a humble smile.
"Jo...you came..." he said, slightly out of breath from hurrying to get to you.
"I...yeah...where's your car?"
"I drove my dad's old truck today."
"Oh...well, why did you park here instead of at my place?"
"I came to see Gordon, he works upstairs. Hoping to come to some arrangement with him over the farm."
"I see, well, how's that going?"
"I don't know, he's out right now, so I figured I'd just wait around and....are we really going to share small talk here like we are old friends catching up Jo?"
"I uh, well I don't know what you want me to say?"
"Maybe that you miss me and still love me? That you want to try and work this out, because I know I sure do."
"Do you? Really?"
"Jo please. Baby you know I do."
"Honestly Lee, I don't know anything, which became quite clear last week."
"Yes, last week when you just....left me, not giving me the chance to explain. You won't even talk to me."
"I gave you every chance to explain for how long now Lee, and you didn't and that alone tells me all I need to know."
Lee stepped up to you with his hands in his pockets and sad eyes.
"What you need to know is I love you, only you. Did you get my letter? Did you read it?"
"Yes, I did. It was very beautiful. Said all the right things."
"So you don't believe any of it? Jo, my god. I wrote that to you after we first made love. I wrote that from my heart Jo."
"Lee, I know you did. I'm not saying that you don't feel something for me, I'm..."
"FEEL something? You really don't believe I love you do you? Ethan wins again and you're letting him."
"No, YOU'RE letting him...and speaking of Ethan, he was at my mom's fucking house today, picking up Megan."
"What???"
"Yeah...you heard that right. He was on a motorcycle and gave me the smuggest look when they left, and why? because he can. He can do whatever the hell he wants because NO one will stand up to him and now he's using my naive idiot sister to get under my skin even more."
"Jo...I am so sorry. I know, it's all my fault and.."
"You think??"
"Can we...go inside and talk about this...please?"
"Lead the way." you softly snapped and followed him up the stairs.
Lee took you into a small office room and closed the door, then he somewhat sat upon the desk and gazed at you with his sparkling sapphires. A gaze that made you just want to run into his arms and madly make out with him
"Jo...I really am truly so sorry, for everything that I have put you through and still am. I never meant for any of this to happen. Please tell me you believe that at least?"
His pleading eyes made you soften towards him. "Of course I know you never meant for any of this to happen...but...it did. Why Lee, why couldn't you just tell me the truth, ALL of it? That's what gets to me the most. It makes me feel, no, it makes me believe that you have unresolved feelings for Ethan and I can't do it Lee...be second choice again or some stand in until you get bored. I need your heart to beat only for me."
"God no Jo, that is not what you are, nor have you ever been. Can't you see it? Can't you even try to? I'm here Jo. I've always been here...for you. Not him. I'm here, begging you to believe me. Why would I do this if my heart did not beat only for you? Sometimes, I swear it's going to stop without you by my side. An entire week Jo, you've been gone and it felt like a year and...my heartbeat right now...it's racing, it's alive again because you're here, feel it..."
Lee reached out and took your hand, pulling you to him and placing your palm on his chest as he held his hand over yours, gazing up at you with eyes of a lost little boy.
He was right, his heartbeat was rapid and strong and god, so was yours in that moment, being that close to him, feeling him, smelling him. Every ounce of control that you had possessed for that entire week was now gone as your hands went to his face, pulling him into a passionate kiss.
His supple lips, his tantalizing taste of mint gum and Drakkar aftershave rocked your core and if you culd have made love to him right there on that desk, you would have....but he suddenly stopped the kiss as he stood up, pulling your hands away.
"No, Jo, I can't do this."
"What? Why?" you asked in disbelief as you studied the look upon his face. A look of confusion in which you then sarcastically laughed. "Oh...it's him, that's why. Just as I thought."
"What? No Jo...it's another man's cologne that I smell all over you."
That just threw you for a loop as you had forgotten you were innocently just in Craig's arms.
"Oh god no Lee, I can explain that..."
"No, it's ok. I get it now. That's why you haven't spoken to me all week. So who is it? Gerry I assume since he follows you around like a damn police dog."
"Lee no, god no, stop it. There is no man, only you and you know it. The cologne, it's my landlord's and..."
"Your landlord's??? Wow, well that's a new one. So here you are, thinking I want someone else when it appears that you are the one who does. Is that it?"
"Oh my god, Lee stop. We were only talking and..."
"Talking? Over wine too? I thought I tasted it on your breath."
"For fuck's sake, if you would just let me talk. That's not how it was. Yes, I had some wine. I was having a bad day after seeing Ethan and reading your letter and I ran into him. I just needed someone to talk to and he was there. That was all Lee."
"I was there Jo! I'm here, always have been. You could have talked to me! But instead, you chose your landlord that you barely know to speak to about your personal problems?? Was I part of that conversation too?"
"Briefly yes, but I didn't tell him anything personal about us, just about Ethan. I wouldn't do that Lee."
"Sounds pretty personal to me, especially when his cologne is embedded in your clothes. How do explain that one Jo?"
"Because, after you texted, telling me you were here, everything snuck up on me, you know, like when it did to you at your lake house? I had a panic attack and I...I hugged him, just to try and work through it. If I hadn't, I probably would have passed out as it progressed. That's all it was Lee. I swear it."
"So...I caused you to have an attack is pretty much what you're saying. You could called me Jo, right when you felt it start and I would have raced down there, but you chose a man who don't even know you instead."
"Lee! Craig was right there and he's not a stranger. He's very kind and understanding."
"Which is exactly what you need huh, because I don't give that to you right?...and Craig huh. You're on a first name basis with him too. Well, don't let me keep you. I'm going to go see if Gordon is back."
"That's it?? Seriously?? Running away again. Imagine that. I thought you had something for me and were going to tell me everything???"
"Yeah that, well...my hearing is next Monday at 10, but you don't need to worry about that or anything else now because it don't even matter. It never did. Maybe I'll see ya around."
"Lee wait! Come on. Don't do this!"
"Do what Jo? Walk away like you did?" he calmly said and then did just that, walked away.
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⟬ Childhood Comrades ⟭
Henry Creel x Reader
•Chapter 5•
[Click this for the chapters]
Summary: Just when you and Henry are back to being friends again, a so-called 'Spawn of Satan' from what Mr.Creel stated, has settled into the neighborhood in hunt for victims, Can you protect your only friend from this 'Demon', or was it just next-door beside you?
A/N: I took a small break since my school was opening and ready for enrollment. Btw, I made an alt account [in tmblr], If you are lucky [if God wants to] you may find it, and we can chat there anytime, or give me private requests for me to write about. (wink wink)
After countless days of Y/N sleeping over in the Creel household [actually it was only for 2 weeks], She had grown closer to the family, especially with the siblings. The two would always fight over who will get to play with her, one wants to play tea parties and role-plays with her, while the other one wants to sit down and read books or just simply observe animal colonies. [colonies like ants, spiders, bunnies, etc...]
Sometimes, after the sleeping overs with them, when you come to play with Henry, Mr. Creel would always tend to warn you about this alleged 'Demon' roaming around, in particular, roaming around *their house, He said lights would flicker, radio turning on and off, even small dead animals surround their the outsides of their house.
You'd turn to Henry to ask about it, but he'll usually reply back with a 'Isn't it a common for a low voltage to happen?' or 'he's just scared, don't worry about it'. Of course, after asking Henry, you'll go to his older sister, But she seems too terrified to answer you back.
"Y/N" Diane holds your wrists. "Be careful there alright?" She mutters. "It's just that, there were rumors on how-"
"There's a 'Demon' roaming around their household?" I arch an eyebrow up, Although I don't believe in supernatural phenomenons, 40 percent of my guts is telling me to believe it now.
"You heard them too? Just-.. just make sure to watch out for yourself okay?" She looks at you with her eyes full of worries. You simply smiled in response and shook her off. Like any real demon would be here, right?
"Henry!" You ran towards their porch.
"Ah, Y/N" He look up to me from his book.
"What're you reading now?" you shrug, You've never really cared how many books he reads when you two hang-out, but he seems like a bookaholic, no, even more than a bookaholic. One might even think he's a grown man with that rare decease where your body chooses to stay as a child despite the age.
"Do you really wanna know?" He tilts his head. "Don't you know what's sarcasm?" You place both of your hands of your hips.
"Just kidding, I know, I know." He chuckles "But don't you wanna know what I'm reading?" He looks deep into your pure evil soul.
Suddenly, the door bursted open revealing the young Creel. "Y/N!" She beams "Oh and- HENRY!" She mocked.
"Can't you give us some time for ourselves Alice?" Henry stands up and turns towards her. "Le-" Before she could say anything else she was cut off. "ALONE" He races a hand right before her making Alice scrunch her face up.
"Later, because mom said we should invite Y/N for an afternoon tea" she smirks as if showing she won their argument. "Y/N doesn-"
"I'd love to!" You raise both of your hands. "Great! Let's go then?" She then heads inside first leaving you and Henry alone. "Why'd you agree?" He frowns.
"You don't want to upset Mrs. Creel by declining her request do you?" You chuckle as he nods angrily. "Come on then" You held his wrists and pulled him inside.
The moment you entered the house, you were met with a smell of freshly cooked cinnamon buns adored with a hint of powder that makes your nose twitch.
"I'm glad you joined us for today's tea Y/N" Mr. Creel pours tea unto a porcelain cup. "Of course, it's fun to be with you guys!" You gush.
"By the way, it's almost the end of summer, where do you attend school?" Mrs. Creel mentions as she sips from her cup leaving bits of lipstick marks on the edges. "Oh! I attend in that one school near here, It's Uh, what was it again?" You mumble.
"Ah! It's Hawkins Middle School!" You exclaim. "Ooh ooh! That's where me and Henry will be attending too!" She beams.
After the tea session, you stayed a little longer in their household, the longer you were there, the more you were convinced that there was no 'spawn of satan' lurking around here, your whole afternoon was all just filled with playing, reading, eating. What could go wrong?
"I had a great time awhile ago" You stretch you arms. "Me too" He chuckles. "I love hearing you laugh you know" You stop and look at him as you have reached you house.
"Good night.. and.." He reaches out for your arms holding them. "Stay safe.." suddenly he hugs you, a breeze passes by which makes both of you slightly shiver "Y-you too, stay safe" the girl hugs him back.
As you were about to let go he held his hug tighter, "Sorry" He whispers to your ears. "What?" Then he flees going to his house, moonlight shining upon his structure.
"What does he mean by that?"you mumble in confusion, a small gust of wind enters the house as you close the doors.
That night you didn't get enough sleep because of what Henry said. What does he mean by sorry? Are they going to move away? But Alice said they're going to school here? Countless of question raced in your mind when you heard a loud commotion from the outside.
You hurriedly looked over your window and saw flashing red and blue lights surrounding the house beside yours.
Wait... there's was only one house that's beside yours.
You rush going downstairs then going outside to see what was happening.
"Uhm, officer? what's happening here?" You tap the tall guy with the brown pale-like uniform. "A little girl shouldn't be here, go back inside" he shooed the girl away. But luckily you got out of his sight by pushing through a crowd of people.
"Excuse, sorry, just passing by" There was a lot of groans and complaints as you skim through them, when you arrive up front you saw what shocked you the most.
Two bodies were covered up with white sheets stained with fresh blood, and Henry?! Henry was in an ambulance with oxygen tank connected to him while you saw Mr. Creel getting dragged out of the house with hand cuffs.
"W-what is happening here? Why are they arresting Mr. Creel?" The girl stuttered as her body was frozen in shock.
"They said, the father attempted to kill his wife and children but luckily on of them survived" A person replied. "What? Mr. Creel wouldn't do that" I mumbled. He's a very good man! He wouldn't even yell at his kids for doing a mistake, how much more kill them?! A-and he loves his wife so much!
"I guess you were close to them huh?" Another passerby comments behind me. "Hm?" I tilt my head.
"Because it looks like you really knew them just by protecting the father" He mockingly laughs as the others joins him laughing.
"Y/N! Y/N!" I hear Father yell. "I'm here Father!" You skim through the crowd again and found your father. "Where did you go? We looked everywhere for you!" He hugs you tightly.
"Mr. Creel is getting arrested" I hug him back. "What? Why?" He looks through horde. "He's a good guy, he wouldn't do this right?" I look up to him, tears welling up my eyes.
"A-and, Henry's in an ambulance" I sob, He is my only friend, he wouldn't leave me like that, never.
"Let's get you back inside okay?" He then carries me back home.
▬ ▬ ▬
"Last night in Loch Nora, A father is found guilty of murdering his wife and children, there was only one survivor which was his son, now still in a coma.." The tv kept bickering about what happened last night.
I just can't believe they would blame Mr. Creel like that, they don't even have enough evidence if he was the real murderer, maybe it was a thief and it only let Mr. Creel live because he already called the police.
"Here you go." Diane patted your back while handing some waffles. "Don't worry, Henry will be okay, I promise" I hug her tightly which she hugs back as a response.
"Its okay..." she rubs my back.
He can't die now, right?
A/N: I did this late in the night lmao, hope you enjoyed.
#stranger things x reader#stranger things 4#st4#stranger things season 4#finn wolfhard#max mayfield#enemies to lovers#henry creel#henry creel x reader#001 : ( interaction: ask response )#001 x reader#001 stranger things#stranger things 001 x reader#peter ballard x reader#peterballard#peter ballard#part 5 i guess#⟬ Childhood Comrades ⟭#strangers things#stranger things#stranger things imagine#Childhood Comrades part 5#childhood comrades part 5#tumbler#tmblr#featured#Toro#toro#torotoro#torotoro0
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So, you know what I wish would happen. What I wish would happen is that someone would make a horror movie/story/oneshot fic where like a group of 28 people:
Family A— A single mom, her 12 year old daughter and their nanny
Family B— A couple (you can choose the names race, nationality, sexuality, age, height, appearance, personality, jobs and gender for everyone who doesn't have one or more of those things listed) with a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a 8 year old
Family C— A single father (because single dads deserve recognition as well; also he's kind and caring about others feelings especially his kid's because men don't need to be macho and have zero emotions to be considered "real men" and if you think that then ignore this post) and his 12 year old
Family D— A single mom with a 12 year old and 9 year old
Family E— A couple with a 12 year old, 7 year old and 4 year old
Family F— A couple with a 17 year old, a 14 year old, a 12 year old and a 11 year old
Family G— A couple with a 16 year old and a 12 year old
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plot:
So the 7 families all live in a small town and the 12 year olds are all a group of friends that go to the same school and attend the same class(es). The mother of Family A has a job that pays her well enough for her to buy an old mansion on the outskirts of the town but at the cost of not being able to spend as much time with her daughter as they'd both like so the Mom hires a nanny for her daughter so she wouldn't be lonely.
So the daughter invites all of her friends plus their families (because they live in a mansion and can afford to fit everyone in there) and somehow (you get to decide on how) the daughter finds a Ouija board and decides to play with it with her friends after sneaking it back into her room (except for except for the friend in family E who politely declined because he/she/they watched too many horror movies and knows this is a horrible idea. Luckily his/her/their parents had something come up so family E left leaving 23 people left in the house).
So the group of six 12 year olds ended up fucking around and finding out when they accidentally summoned either:
A. A vengeful ghost of a woman who either
1A. Killed her own kids due to (insert tragic backstory here) and now kills other families because if she can't be happy then no one can or
2A. Watched her kids be killed in front of her due to (insert tragic backstory here) and now kills other families because if she can't be happy then no one can.
Or....
B. A demon who is determined to kill the families because anything from "it's a demon lol" to "insert long explanation here."
Then things happen, and the first person has to die before the 12 year old from family B finally tells the parents and older siblings what's going on.
Stuff happens people die and the Mother from family D and her kids stick with the Mother from family A and her daughter because both Moms were childhood friends and the Mom from family D really doesn't like the tactic of splitting up.
Eventually they get to the final confrontation with the vengeful ghost/demon and the only people still alive are the Mother and daughter of family A, the Father and son/daughter/child of family C and the Mother and children of family D who all somehow managed to meet up in (insert room of your choice).
Just as the vengeful ghost/demon is about to attack the Mother from family A gets in front of the others and basically says to the ghost/demon "Bitch I fucking wish you would. If you even so much as think about killing my kid, me, or anyone else in this room I will personally destroy any sliver of evidence that might prove of your existence and then you. I do not care if you're a ghost/demon I WILL find a way to simply make you no longer exist. Try me mother fucker. Try. Me. You want to do this? Let's go. But let me be clear that if you try anything I WILL be the LAST thing you see before you poof out of existence."
And if you chose demon she also says "I do not care if I have to drag you out of hell, I will do it and I will make it seem as if you never existed."
And then the spirit/demon becomes so absolutely fucking terrified of her that she/he/they/it just end up leaving the last surviving members alone and going out of her/his/their/its way to not only avoid her but the other family members as well.
And if you want to do a second one have like at the end when the last of the new people who weren't killed off are fighting off the spirit/demon the mother from family A just shows up, now visibly older but not old old yet, kicks down the door and just looks at the spirit/demon and it screams in fear and starts running.
I feel like if someone decides to use this format for their horror story could they just tag me so that I could get credit for making the format (not the story, whatever happens in the majority of the story is up to you) and so that I can read it because I really want to see what a bunch of creative people can each come up with and how while using the same format, their stories still differ and are unique from each other.
Also if you could reblog and like this so more people could get awareness to that would be great.
#horror#horror story#oneshot#format#horror story format#I think this is going to be very interesting#I can't wait to see#story#short story#film
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Wolfscon 2023
Another little Travel Blog... well.. "travel".. it was a local con for once.
I just learned about the Con last monday and decided to attend it. It was held in a mall in one of the bigger cities in my area, completely for free.
Wolfscon - 30th September 2023
Weirdly enough the day started with me dressing up at home, I had time to do the make up and all as I wasn't even driving. I asked Mom to come with me as she loves to stroll around and well I just dislike to drive with wig/make up and therefore she helped out.
After a short driving time we arrived in Wolfsburg. The big thing was: there was a football game happening and Oktoberfest in the city and I was a bit anxious if things would clash. But gladly we exactly left as the match was over later on and the Oktoberfest was busy in the evening but still okay as we went a bit into the city. phew.
The main stage was placed in the basement of the mall, you had some different events happening there like an interview with voice actors, bands playing, a quiz, the cosplay contest etc.
Then you had two little artist/merchandise isles a level up with different vendors. There was regular merch from comic shops, Manga, but also artists with their own products, it varied a lot from anime/manga heavy to fantasy jewerly, to pins, cosplay props, art prints, cosplay prints and more.
Then you had some booths were you could take photos in front of backdrops and some artists advertising their work (like huge Transformer Costumes), there were some Marvel Hero Impersonators walking through the mall, you could get photos with them.
I think it was pretty nice and a good variety of different franchises for a wide audience. For me personally it was little to buy but my anime/manga interests are super niche therefore I don't take my interests as standard.
While Mom bought something for her step-niece I had a very lively talk with one of the artist who was at the Connichi as well about how the first one in Wiesbaden was and we agreed a lot need to be adjusted and she told me that she wasn't even aware of some points, but also told me that the Connichi Management is aware of some issues like the Matsuri being lovelessy arranged.
Another thing here is that she got told to not complain about the food options at the Matsuri because there was soup sold in the congress centre as well and .. uhm... as artist/vendor .. you weren't able to go into the city to eat and that's just a terrible way to deal with feedback. Please organize better food for the people working at your Convention, thank you.
Anyways she even offered me to help at her booth for the future as I have some expierence from the past but I had to decline. It was a super lovely exchange though.
We decided to leave the mall then to check out the Oktoberfest (we were getting hungry).
And they had a ferris wheel... those who know me is that I suffer from acrophobia, but to the extent that I get nauseous when it's really bad, everything starts to spin then but ... oof... it was tempting.
I decided to gather all my courage and go for a ride. I was nervous but was able to manage better than I thought, to my own surprise!
... and as I had no lunch prior we had to fetch some food. Allen without food is not Allen, right? Went for a crepe with kinder schokolade, my favorite combination.
After going through the vendors again I saw someone with a Starbucks cup and Starbucks is ... like I rarely went there (to be honest twice, and the first time was bc someone else wanted something) as we don't have one where I live. I decided I want to try the pumpkin spice latte.
As we left the mall I was actually recognized as Allen! That made me so happy. Thank you <3 I hope we get in touch, especially with the fact you have a Kanda Cosplay in store, it was really nice to meet you.
Back to the Latte... I had one but I decided it's the last I want. i went without cream because I wanted to know how it tastes like but as someone who doesn't like coffee.. well... I'm a bit sad they don't offer the Pumpkin CHAI Latte T_T I am sure I would have loved that one.
After a little shopping trip we went back to the mall and - not without our favorite snack: soft serve ice cream :'D
Gladly we left as the football match was over as the team won and everybody was just hyped about it and the city was getting super full!
I have to say it was a nice afternoon and truly fun to have a local con. I was pretty beat still, but this has different reasons like the fact I ... am now wearing glasses and it was the first day without them again and the city being super full and me eating really late (again ..) didn't help much.
It's still running today, if you are in the area I can tell you can pay it a visit, it's fun!
My little haul and the free entrance ribbon you were able to get.
Wolfsburg is kinda adorable with their Wolfs-Theme over and over.
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Pervy Manipulator
I just need to write this to lessen the burden inside me...
I am currently in search for a new job because I need a better pay, benefits and career growth. I have attended some interviews and the recent one, I was frustrated and angry of how the interviewer made me uncomfortable during the interview last Friday.
I went to the job interview and we were a total of three. The HR Personnel gave us an exam before proceeding to the job interview. Everything's good until the interviewer came. He was not an employee of the company. The interviewer was a Legal Consultant/Corporate Lawyer. He saw me and graced me with a smile that I find it weird and uncomfortable.
When the HR Personnel collected our answer sheets, I was called in first. He started asking me about my work experience and I answered professionally by stating my daily duties and responsibilities as an HR Assistant. He only asked two questions about my work experience and he started going off course after I told him I'm a hard-working employee and want to help my family.
He then went on a full lecture about the principles of in the HR and what the meaning of hard-working in each letter.
I began to feel uneasy with the way how the interview went. He said that when he saw me he felt he needed to 'redirect my mindset'. At first, it was encouraging because he wanted to have confidence in myself and believing in my talent and skills. But, he later on went to my personal life.
He told me he felt some animosity to my parents and he was right but I rather not discuss it in the interview so I kept quiet. He then went on that the parents should be seen as the responsible ones no matter what they did, they're still parents and need to be recognized as the responsible ones especially the mother. He was trying to push his opinion on me but I whole-heartedly mentally threw his opinion to the trash. I was tempted to yell "Fuck you!" at him. Then, he went to my love life. He asked at the age of 27, why am I still single. I told him I still have a lot of things to work on and wanted to focus on myself. He then said "You're 27 and a pretty girl. Why not be in a relationship? Why are you scared of commitments?". That's when I spoke up to him. I told him "Sir, it's my personal choice. I'm not afraid getting into relationships nor commitments. I just want to focus on myself and my family for now." Then he said, "Giving your parents grandchildren is a must. It is their legacy that you must carry on. Don't wait and start dating so you can get married and have children."
The 'interview' went on for two hours and the HR Personnel had no choice but to send the other two applicants home. The interviewer didn't question me about my work experience, my skills and education. He was mostly interested with my personal life and tried to take control and manipulate my perspective on things. It's like 10% on work experience, 10% encouragement and 80% about my personal life.
I was drained after that and he told me he would vouch for me to the C.E.O. to hire me but honestly, I rather not get hired by them. I don't want to be in the same office as him. If the company ever consider me, I'm going to decline. I'm not going to accept it just because the pay is good.
I never imagined that I would be in that situation. It's funny that he thought I'm gullible and easy to manipulate. He's wrong. I've already made my analyzation that he's a pervy manipulator and every minute that I'm in the same space as him makes me want to run away. The man is not even married and has children with different moms and, has the audacity to give me a lecture in relationships? I've never felt so bothered and uncomfortable in my life. And whenever I think about it, I start tearing up until now.
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The group of them hung out sometimes after climbing, when their energy was spent and the sunlight began to fade. They grilled red meat for protein and drank Gatorade by the gallon. Nessa brought more food from home. The kids ate while still wearing wet bathing suits, and the climbing crew stretched and relaxed and laughed into the twilight.
“Eat up!” Nessa said, laying out a spread of potato salad, baked beans, and even waffles.
“Wow, you made all this?” Maya asked.
Nessa laughed. “Oh no, my mother-in-law is the chef. You don’t want to see me in the kitchen. In fact, everyone, you’re all invited to Thanksgiving. She’d love to have a really full house and lots of people to cook for. It would mean the world to her this year.”
Jack nodded in agreement. “It’s been a rough time, but the distraction would be good. They were married for forty years, and this is her first holiday without him.”
Everyone was so sorry to hear that, but unfortunately, most everyone also already had plans.
Tyler politely declined. He had a bittersweet history with the Phoenix family, thanks to a rough breakup with his high school girlfriend, Summer. They always said he was welcome in the family any time, and though he and Summer made their peace, he had his own family to focus on now.
Kristoff declined for no stated reason. Darren was a maybe? And Jordan?
“Oh, Thanksgiving?” It had been a very long time since Jordan attended any sort of Thanksgiving gathering. Togetherness was not really Colette’s thing. She liked to take the boys somewhere expensive and foreign, where Thanksgiving didn’t exist. Even when his dad was still alive, it was usually just the two of them and a store-bought meal in front of a football game, which was wonderful, but small.
Funny enough, when he and Maria first met, when she found out that he usually spent the holiday alone, she promptly invited him to her family’s Thanksgiving dinner. The gesture was appreciated, but they had only known each other a few weeks, so he politely declined. This year, she was coming to visit him. The November weekend that Maria got off work, the only good stretch of time she could spend here, was over Thanksgiving weekend. They hadn’t talked about what they would do, only that they would be together.
“I don’t know what my plans are,” Jordan said. “My girlfriend is in town that week.”
Girlfriend, he said, which brought a foolish grin to his face. The word filled him with such a warm and bubbly feeling. He hadn’t called someone his girlfriend since the ninth grade. He never even called Colette that, always just “the boys’ mom” or by name, except for the occasions he called her his “ex.” Jordan had a girlfriend now, and it was the most wholesome thing. “I’ll have to ask her. You know, because she might want to cook our own thing.”
“She cooks?” Nessa sprung up from the table with wonder in her eyes.
“Yeah, she’s great at it,” Jordan said.
“We don’t have any other foodies in the family. Sophie would love her!” Then Nessa paused. “Oh! I don’t mean to put her to work. No, she’d absolutely be a guest. Just, for Sophie to have someone to talk food stuff with who knows better. Please. Let me meet her, I’ll beg.”
“Ha, I don’t think you’ll have to beg,” Jordan said. “But sure, I’ll see what she thinks of the idea.”
So they settled talk of Thanksgiving for now. They dug into those burgers and potato salad and homemade cookies. They ate and laughed and carried on as the evening turned to twilight.
Jordan was perplexed at how he ended up here, part of all this, especially since he’d spent the better part of his twenties alienating himself and pushing people away. Now his family was part of all this, too, before they even got here. These people hadn’t met Maria yet, but already they loved her. They hadn’t met his boys yet, but already they were expected to share a bunk room with the other children in Japan next winter.
These people were warm and welcoming. No one was left uninvited. No one was left behind. No one was allowed to give up. These people were wild and brave and unstoppable, and Jordan hadn’t met so many people like this in his whole life. They understood each other. They didn’t question each other’s priorities or ambitions. Nobody thought of him as frivolous or irresponsible for wanting to do this.
You want to climb mountains? Well, of course you do! Let’s go do it!
Jordan wasn’t looking to find his tribe here, but they scooped him up, folded him into their world, and adopted him anyway.
It was everything. Almost.
— from “boxes and squares #4.3: then fall in love” (3/5)
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So, I have an interesting question about what type of spell I should use.
I'm getting married in November (yay!!!), & let me tell you, wedding planning is not all it's cracked up to be. It's TOUGH, especially when you have disagreements about who should be invited to said wedding.
I have some cousins that I haven't spoken to for almost two decades now. We grew up together when we were younger, but we all fell out of touch with each other as we became teenagers, then adults. As the guest list was being assembled, my cousins and my parents' neighbors from NJ came up as potential attendees.
It's not that I dislike my cousins; I just don't feel close enough to them anymore to want them at my wedding. This goes triple for the old neighbors as my parents were friends with them, not me. It sounds cold, but that's how I feel & my fiance supports me.
Well, my mom doesn't feel the same way and guilt tripped/strong armed me into inviting them. Now I'm stuck feeling like this guest list is not our own, & I don't want to be around people I'm not close to on our wedding day.
Sooooooo, I'm wondering if I can find or put together a spell that can persuade the unwanted guests to decline the wedding invitation, or make the conditions unfavorable for them to attend. Nothing that would harm them, mind you! Maybe they start a new job that day, or they can't find a cheap enough flight - something that's a harmless but compelling reason to decline the invitation. Or, something that nudges them into thinking, "Nah, I'd rather not attend Undyne's wedding." They have yet to RSVP, if that helps.
Any suggestions are welcome!!
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Chapter 2
Chapter 2
After struggling to decide what to do after high school, I could now choose where I was going. Although I could pass the UPCAT, I failed to pass on my preferred campus, so my mother decided to give up on that. While the entrance exam of the university near Taft Avenue was just so hard.
Despite not failing it as well, I was not able to make the cut because of the "quota requirement," and this pisses me off until now. During the summer vacation, while my classmates were already preparing for the next chapter of their lives, I was still figuring out where I would go and what I would do. Especially now that, after my devastating leg injury, I have to retire from playing volleyball, causing me to decline sports scholarships to several universities because of my mom's wishes.
After one month of thinking and several examinations, I have decided where to go after graduation. I did not bother to tell my friends, as they were busy with their own lives.
I am currently living in my cousin's house in Makati. I was supposed to stay with my uncle, who was also studying in Manila. However, my mom refused because it was too far from my school.
I immediately left the house and rode a jeep to the train station. I was not afraid to arrive late because my cousin told me that some professors would not come on the first day because they were still fixing and deciding their teaching load.
The first train that arrived when I arrived on the platform closed its doors, so I had to wait for the second one to arrive, which came for approximately five to ten minutes. This is not the first time I will travel far to reach my school. The only difference is that I am feeling exhausted. I had not arrived at my school yet; I could feel I had already spent the whole day.
After five minutes, that train had arrived, and it was not filled this time. I immediately get in and find my spot. I am not hoping to sit because probably there would be anyone that could need it. After three stations, I had already arrived at my station. I get off the train and give my ticket. Currently, the machines are unavailable as they will change the ticketing system. The long walk from the train station is finally going to my school. I have to walk to the crossing lane from the station and walk again going to the school "walkway." I still need to cross from the walkway until I reach the building where I will attend my classes. However, I do not know where that building is. While holding a plastic envelope with my temporary pass to the school and the official student load, I went to the second building along San Marcelino Street. When I entered the campus, I just walked fast and forgot to ask the guards who were busy checking the bags of the students entering the campus.
"Niko, you're on your own to figure out where is that fucking ST. I still have four minutes to be confused. Where is that?"
I just walked to the stairs and crossed the bridge where I saw the "most disgusting river" that I have ever seen in my entire life.
The first time I crossed this bridge after my scheduled orientation to buy a uniform, it did not smell that much, but the water was dark, with algae, and full of food wrappers. However, the smell of it was really disgusting and stomach-turning. I wanted to run damn fast, but my legs could not do it. What is even surprising is that people who are also crossing here seem unbothered and just continue walking. Some even continued eating their food while walking. To survive its smell, I have to get used to it. I just went straight without knowing where my freaking building was. Then, I saw this big gym sort off. I am not sure what it is called, but it is significant, and there is a transparent roof above. I finally remembered where that ST Building was.
"I am already in that stupid building. But the question now is, where is my freaking room."
The student load indicates that the room of my first class today was "201". Maybe it is located on the second floor of the building. I arrived at the supposed entrance of this building and went upstairs. After walking around the second floor, I finally found my building. After maybe around ten minutes of walking while being confused, I could locate my facility. I was five minutes late.
I opened the door, nervous that the professor might be inside. But luckily, there was no professor inside the room. The reaction of my classmates was very precious. The two girls seated at the table immediately return to their seats. The group at the back, possibly playing games, are rushing back to their chairs. The funniest thing here is one of them almost fell on the floor. Others who were outside of the room immediately went inside.
"Hey! Our professor is already here!"
"Is he really the professor? He looked tall and mature, but I guess he is not."
"Dude, you give us a fright! Dang!"
I comforted them by telling them, "I am sorry to scare you all. I am not obviously the professor as I am wearing the same uniform as all of the boys in this room, white polo with the school logo and midnight blue pants. Nice meeting you all, and good morning."
"Man! You just said asses. That's vulgar!"
His seatmate immediately responded, "Dude, you're not even his dad! Shut the fuck up! We're now college students, dumbass!"
"You just called me a "dumbass"!"
"Then, what will I call you? A turd?"
"Well, I just don't like how you refer to me. Uncool!"
I am just looking at my two classmates while they are busy exchanging their arguments. I don't know whether I will intervene or just let them say their shits to each other.
A female classmate went in beside me. "I am sorry if these two simpletons are arguing things that don't make sense. Nice meeting you! By the way, we cannot see you at the department orientation. Why did you not attend?"
"Ah… There is an orientation?"
She explained, "Departmental orientation last week. We are not able to see you there."
"I was not able to receive any messages from the department. Maybe because my parents bought me a new phone and changed my phone number." I replied.
"I see. Since we already know everyone except you, maybe it will be fair if you introduce yourself."
Another student just entered the room, and again, the same reaction also happened as everyone ran to their seats.
"Stop chickening! He also belongs in this class because of his uniform, and it also happens that he did not attend the last orientation meeting."
Everyone in the class greeted him. "Hello there!" He only nodded and sat in the last vacant chair near the table.
"Uhm… the two of you, please introduce yourselves. It would be unfair if you didn't do the same thing we did. You're just going to tell your names, you're major because this is a professional education subject, the last school you attended, and why you decided to attend here."
I agreed, "Sure, but should I go in front of this room?"
She replied, "No need to do that, just stay here. We could hear from here,"
So, I decided to be the first to introduce myself, "I am Nikolai Gayta. You can call me Niko. I am taking up Bachelor in Elementary Education and finished high school at Mater Carmeli School. I decided to study here because I also like the simple ambiance aside from this being my final resort. That's all."
The other unexcited guy briefly introduced himself. "William Frederick Acosta. Bachelor in Elementary Education. Adamson BED. I continue to study because of the discount and my older sister studying here, and I also just got lazy with my college application. Thank you." and immediately sit down.
Most of the class were shocked, including the girl who told us to introduce ourselves.
"It seems that you're surprised. What's wrong?" I asked.
"The guy just introduced himself that fast. Is he on a date or something?" she exclaimed.
I laughed that they were surprised that the guy just introduced himself that fast. "Maybe he was shocked or embarrassed that he had to introduce himself out of the blue."
She asked me, "Are you feeling the same?" I replied. "No. It's okay."
"Hello, I am Arianne, the class president of this class. I graduated high school from St. Theresa's College in Quezon City. If you need anything or want to ask something, let me know."
"Yeah, sure thing. Thank you."
I could finally sit near the guy who also introduced himself earlier. Now, I can finally eat the egg sandwich my cousin prepared for me and the coffee I bought before going here. I guess that the coffee is already cold. But at least I could still drink it. If I was not lost earlier, I would drink this hot or at least warm.
"You're not going to drink that cold, right?" the guy beside me asked.
"I have no choice because…" when I looked, it was the guy who introduced himself earlier. I could see that he was the kind who does not talk much and prefers not to be disturbed. It gave me chills after he stared right into my eyes. "My money will be wasted if I do not drink this."
"I see. I could see that you're more interesting than I thought. You are more than what I see, I guess."
I admit that I am pretty embarrassed and quite disrespected after the class president just cornered me while I was going to sit. I hope they let me go to my chair of choice before asking this question. Instead, I choose to still do it to not appear rude.
Minutes passed, and the professor was still not around. So, I just decided to grab my tablet and watch a movie. An hour later, the next thing I will do is wait for the second subject. But, the professor did not again.
"I hope that I did not go today. I hope I just sleep."
I started packing my things when I saw that most of my classmates had already left the room. The majority of them, maybe when home already. I was too busy watching this movie to the point that I could not see what was happening around me. I now left the room after fixing my things. I still need to walk to the train station, the platform, and ride the train to my cousin's house.
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Humming Bloom: Chapter 1
13th day of Starfest, Year of the Moon 592
"Only those in the tent and the Revolutionist's advisors knew what was on the scroll. As she predicted, the scroll led to the college being built in the Blooms. Whatever stirred the fear of the five most powerful beings in the four kingdoms has still yet to come to light though nearly every being that shows talent and potential above their peers enrolls in Humming Bloom College to celebrate and prove themselves to the alliance and their kingdoms." A freshly adult nymph explains to the children of his village as he places his last bag outside of his childhood home. His tied-back green hair absorbs the crisp late summer sun as his dad pulls out his last sword from the house.
"Myron, your grandmother wouldn't like you talking about her founding the school like it's an urban legend especially since you are attending that school.” His father stood much larger than his son. His obsidian horns resting in the blonde nest of his hair paired with his taller stature made him need to bend to leave the house he has raised his son in for the past 12 years. The children that Myron was entertaining now started gawking at his father Calum begging for one last story about the Great War of the Four Kingdoms that he had unfortunately been a part of. His scars that he covered around the kids and the eye patch hiding what was left of his left eye always drew them to him. “Now children Myron and I need to get on the road, I also have no more stories to tell that you haven’t heard before. Maybe if you work very hard and train as I taught you, when you get to Myron’s age you can come to the Blooms and hear my stories once again.” He patted each of them on the head with his tanned hand before nodding to his son to follow him to the car the school had sent for them.
Myron gave one last look at the house now empty for the first time since they moved there. He followed behind his dad and set his last bag in the car's trunk. “You know most parents just send their kids to college, not take a job at the school their kid is attending,” Myron remarked, pulling his flannel sleeves down to cover the green of his arms as he got into the car.
“I was offered this position when the school first opened but declined to raise you away from the school. Your grandmother was quite insistent that I take the job as one of the head combat trainers, it is rather hard to tell her no after all that she has done for us.” He got into the car and nodded at the driver to start the trip to the college. “Besides, it is about time I visit your mother’s resting place again.”
“I never knew the great traitor demon general of the kingdom was afraid of a little half-elf that spends her time looking after a school and flowers.” Myron teased his father and chuckled, “Can I go with you to visit her this time? I want to get to know more about her finally.”
“You act like your grandmother doesn’t hold the leaders of the world in the palm of her hand. She is an excellent leader and I never regret following her orders over my king’s.” Calum ruffled his son’s hair, “ As for visiting your mom, sure if you think you are ready to do so. I know you are strong enough now to handle whatever comes up with visiting her.” He spoke his words somber and worried even after 19 years of her passing it felt as if it were yesterday for him.
“I will be fine, you and the nymphs prepared me for what to expect and there is only a slight chance of reliving a past life’s memory anyway, so there’s nothing to worry about.” Myron reassured his dad and looked out the window, watching the pine trees pass by, watching them turn more vivid and plentiful as they travel closer to Humming Bloom Forest.
“I don’t want you to live what I relive every time I go back there. However, you are an adult now and I can’t protect you from everything.” He patted his son’s shoulder, “Have you decided on your major yet? I know you have been trying to avoid picking one but have you put any thought into it?”
“I have I just don’t want to disappoint anyone. I know you wanted combat and grandma wanted me to look more into the leadership route, but I would rather go into cross-kingdom communications and humanities.” Myron hesitated with his response, not looking from the window his hands fidgeting in his lap.
“That sounds like it will suit you perfectly. However, I must recommend taking courses in both leadership and combat. You never know what you’ll face.” Calum told his son, and looked over at him, “I also will never be disappointed in you, I couldn’t have asked for a better Sprout.”
“Well, I was told by everyone growing up that the Blooms is the best place for a sprout to grow.” Myron chuckled, and glanced at his dad. "Why did you move us out of the Blooms when the university was formed? I know those in the camp were allowed to stay with their families."
Calum sighed and thought of what to say, his usual chipper expression changed to a far more serious one, his eyes furrowing and his head looking down at his hands. "The short answer is I was worried about you getting hurt." Myron stared at his father waiting for him to give the longer answer, not being satisfied with the short answer, he urged him to go on by raising his eyebrows and shifting his attention completely to his father. “ I figured that would stop working now that you are no longer a child.” Calum sighed and nodded to the driver in the rearview mirror who then put up a privacy screen for the back seat. “Your grandmother gave me an option to stay there with you and be a trainer at the school, which in normal circumstances wouldn’t be so terrible, but there was a catch.”
“A catch?” Myron inquired looking confused, not thinking it would be that severe to where his father would leave the place he always spoke so fondly of.
“I would have to give up being your father. You would’ve still been at the school and I would have been one of your trainers and coaches, but for your safety, I would’ve had to treat you as if you were just another kid in the camp. At the time I was angry, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t stay and still call you my son, until the first letter your uncle Llyr sent. He and Uncle Thorya had received many threats from students that were entering blaming your grandmother for everything. Some unfortunate beings thought it would be a good idea to try to act on the threats. Of course, Thorya sent them to their nightmares, and over the years as people started to forgive and forget it has calmed.” He took a breath in, “If I had stayed with you being known to be my son I couldn’t guarantee your safety. I promised the nymphs and your grandmother that I would always protect you. I do believe however, you are more than capable to handle yourself now, so I shall make my return to the blooms with you as my son.”
Myron gave his dad a bitter-sweet smile, thinking of the various sacrifices that he had to make throughout his life for a brief moment until the privacy screen came down.
“Sorry sirs, I don’t mean to interrupt but we are entering Humming Bloom Forest, and the school grounds shortly.” The driver announced before putting the screen back up.
Myron looked out the window the pine trees were replaced with aspens and then with Wisterias as they approached the large cobblestone wall of the university. As if it were a castle for a kingdom much richer than the four combined it protruded through the trees and towards the clouds. “Woah.” he mumbled at the same time as his father.
“Last time we were here it was only tents scattered around, I can’t say I prefer this but at least we won’t be sleeping on the ground,” Calum said watching outside as intently as his son, his mind flashing back to the years prior comparing the scenes in his mind. “That path leads to your mother’s tree.” He pointed to a gated-off area with a sign for a memorial garden.
Myron glanced over taking it all in, speechless at everything he saw. He had only seen pictures of the school since it was built and spent most of his time dreaming of being here. A scene flashed to him, one of a flower-filled meadow the sound of laughter coming from behind him as he went to look at what it was he was brought back to the car as it pulled in front of the main school building. As students and their families were saying their hurried goodbyes, excited cheers could be heard throughout the halls.
"Myron you go and get ready for the opening day assembly, I have to get the movers set up. I'll get your boxes set aside for your dorm that you can pick up later."
Myron nodded and took his backpack as he got out, "I'll see you later dad." He said with a wave as he walked to the entrance. The car pulled off as he went through the doorway crossing the last boundary of his childhood to his adulthood.
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mie….could we please get college au eren headcanons👉🏽👈🏽
Of course. I’m always thinking about his big head anyway <33 might as well put it good use.
One thing he learned in college is how to make his hyperfocus/fixation episodes work for him; that’s why he schedules all his classes as close together as possible. He’d rather have class back to back for 5 hours, than have it spread out with hours in between lectures, because that increases his changes of cutting.
You can always tell when he’s in class and/or what class he’s in by how much he responds to your messages. If he doesn’t text back at all, he’s in a class that hard or one he enjoys, or both. But if he’s sending you iMessage games, then you know he’s in his elective that he couldn’t care else about (and is probably cheating in someway somehow lmfao).
He usually puts his phone on dnd when he’s in a class that’s important, but you’re in his favorite contacts, so your messages always ring through. What if it’s an emergency and you need him for something? Advanced Roots of Human Biology can wait.
Some days there are one or two our breaks between his lectures, that’s just how the scheduling works out. When that happens, he usually sneaks into one of your lectures, or goes to your place to take a nap. Your roommates have become accustomed to him, honestly they’ve been considering giving him a key.
Once, he didn’t realize that your lecture was basically a seminar, with you, the prof and maybe six other students. He still stayed lmao, and the prof was so amazed by his dedication, that she didn’t even mind. Occasionally, you’ll catch the two of them talking after lecture. It’s pretty cute the way she’s adopted him into the class even tho he’s not on the roster.
You... have to show him where the library is lmfao. He genuinely has not stepped foot in one until you bring him to one. He likes it tho lmao once he gets used to it.
Speaking of which, do not give him standard directions to find your classes on campus because all you’ll get is, “Babe, I’m gonna keep it real with you, I’ve never heard of the ‘West Quad’ a day in my life. What building are you near.”
He usually comes to see you in the library after all his lectures are done for the day. Sometimes he does homework, sometimes he’s just fucking around on his computer, sometimes he’s just bothering you. When you have to leave to go to class, he stays behind to watch your stuff so you don’t have to pack everything up and come back.
Very protective when it comes to keeping your seat for you. No, you cannot take that chair to your table you good for nothing freshman; it’s reserved for you.
He’ll drag you out of the library if you’ve been cooped up all day, tho. Eren will use his height and his strength against you to get you up. Placates you with kisses when he sees your angry expression, and promises to buy you food.
He takes your backpack for you when you’re walking together,m. His backpack is frustratingly light all the time, even during midterms. You swear all he’s got in there is a pencil and some flashcards.
If you have night classes, he sticks around to walk you home after, especially in the winter when it gets dark faster. If he’s not already on campus, he’ll walk/drive back to meet you; he just doesn’t like you going home alone. Even if your friend/roommate is in the class with you, Eren will walk or drive the both of you home for his own sanity.
He plays sports, so he usually has practice most evenings, but he’ll find a way to make time. If practice was particularly brutal, he’ll probably crash at your place.
He loves it when you come to meet him after practice. His whole face lights up and he waves obnoxiously, before he gathers up his stuff and all but sprints towards you. You get a cold water bottle to the face, or a bit of water splashed on you usually, which he takes immense amusement in.
He knows it’s not possible for you to make it to all of his games, and usually it doesn’t bother him much; you’ve got your own life, and work to worry about. All he asks is that you wear his jersey, or any item of his sports apparel/merch on game day (he’s partial to hoodies).
By the time junior year rolls around, he’s not all that interested in attending parties that aren’t hosted by your friends; so, unless it’s at Connie, Jean, or Reiner and Bertholdt’s place, Eren will usually decline. Even team parties, he’s not crazy about unless it’s to celebrate a championship or something. He’d much rather celebrate with you.
He does get excited about hosting parties though, and he and Jean become pretty damn good co-hosts. They don’t throw ragers, and that’s probably why Eren likes it so much. It’s usually your friend group and a couple plus ones, some good music, games, weed, and take-out.
He’ll buy you coffee whenever you ask for it. The first time, he just orders something plain, not really knowing the difference between anything; but give it two or three tries, and he’ll get it perfect. He becomes so good that he can order you something new/different and you’ll love it.
That’s kind of the start of his own coffee addiction, and more often than not, when he buys you a cup, he’s on his second or third of the day himself. The flavor has really grown on him, okay.
He much prefers your apartment, but on occasion, he’ll ask you to come to his. You’ve been studying for so long, a change of environment should do you good, he claims. He’s a fucking liar tho because that’s all Eren Talk for “I do genuinely want you to come over, but my plans are to coerce you out of doing your assignments and doing me instead.”
Lmfao he adds you on Apple Watch Rings just so you can see him close his rings every day and laugh at you. Even if yours get closed by virtue of walking around campus or working out or whatever, his numbers are stupidly high because he fucking has practice at least 4 days of the week.
Of course when you’re running on a soccer field for 2 hours every day, you close your Move Ring five times, Eren. Leave the rest of us alone.
He buys you guys matching accessories for your keychains. It’s something pretty cute, and slightly random, but it reminded him of you. It also serves as a reminder to himself to take his fucking keys with him when he leaves his house.
He sleeps like a fucking rock, so do not let him fall asleep in the library. Waking him up is a mission, and he’s never happy to be woken up. He looks kinda cute tho.
He schedules dates for you and his friends. Usually by accident, but hear me out. Sometimes he’ll make plans with Armin, then forget that he has class or a test or something; so his solution is to text you, “hey, i forgot min and i were supposed to go some aquarium tomorrow but i have a midterm so here’s the pdf of my ticket, go with him for me, thanks babe love u” then, boop, you and Armin have an aquarium date Friday evening.
The same thing happens with Mikasa, though, she usually catches the scheduling conflict before Eren does, and invites you out herself. You and Mikasa hang out quite a bit anyway, so it comes to the point where she tells you when she’s gonna hang out with Eren, so you can make yourself free for when he inevitably remember he has a game that day.
Mikasa is most amazed that you’ve put up with Eren this long lmao. You’ve certainly lessened her Eren & Armin babysitting hours, and for that she’s eternally grateful. Also, she’s just happy to have another close friend. She loves Eren and Armin, but they’re not the most social beings, and she was literally their only friend besides the other for all their childhood PLEASE she’s so happy you’re around.
It’s Mikasa, however, who babysits you and Eren whenever you both get too drunk. Says you guys are two peas in a pod (affectionate<2)
If you tell Eren something important that happened, like an internship you got, or a good grade in a class, or something, he usually relays that information to his mom pls. He texts her every day, and if she doesn’t ask for an update on you first, he gives her one.
Carla calls you sometimes, too. At least once every few weeks, just to check on you herself. She really likes you for Eren, and is grateful someone is willing to put up with her hotheaded son.
Eren’s always using your fucking chapstick. Always. You know he has his own, so why he needs to use yours is beyond you. Finds time to make some dumbass comment about how it’s an “indirect kiss” every time he uses it too. Like bro, we’re dating, and have had many direct kisses why are you like this.
He posts on Instagram every few weeks or so, but you’re on his story every few days. Usually, it’s just a video of you minding your business and doing your work while Eren slowly zooms in before making some loud noise to surprise you, all so he can get your reaction on video and laugh at it. He’s annoying.
He’s a bit of a copycat when it comes to the products you use. He’ll buy the same brand of pens as you (for that matter, all of his school supplies mirror yours because what does he know about the difference between A4 and A5 notebooks?), put a little hand sanitizer on his backpack like yours (and a lotion, too, for good measure), he even copies your Starbucks order until he finds one he likes for himself. It’s one of his love languages <3
If you’re wondering where your eyelash curler went, Eren stole it to try it on himself, hurt himself, vowed to never use it again, went back because he wanted to “do it right and not give up,” liked the results when he didn’t pinch his eyelid, and now it’s his.
That being said, stop trying to put your Fenty lipgloss on him, it’s never going to happen. Eye makeup, maybe, only if you sit in his lap and he can have his hands on your ass while you do it.
What he does love is letting you do his skincare. He will set aside dedicated skincare nights, he adores it. Easily one of his favorite things ever.
You have his wallet. Not because he’s your sugar daddy or anything (although, if you want something, he’d definitely let you use his card to get it; and even if you bought something without asking, he wouldn’t think twice about it), but because he put it in your bag once and never took it out.
When you tried to give it back, he just shook his head and told you to keep it, “I have my ID in my phone case anyway, and you’re less likely to lose it. Plus I put all my cards on Apple Pay, so I’m good.”
When you do make it to a game of his, he’s all over you when it’s over. Not in a cocky athlete boyfriend kind of way; in a very sleepy boyfriend kind of way. He’s usually got ice on at least one part of his body, and he’s got half his body weight on you as you walk to the car.
By the time you guys get back to your place, he’s practically sleep walking. The only thing on his mind is taking a hot shower to soothe his muscles, and heading to bed. The aftermath of game days aren’t all that bad though, because even if you didn’t show, you’re always there to kiss him when he’s home and massage his shoulders, and cuddle him to sleep; and that’s his favorite part.
#anonymous#hes so fucking cute hes my fucking BOYFRIENDDDDDDDDD#eren x reader#aot x reader#eren jaeger x reader#aot imagines#eren fluff#eren smut
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smoke and mirrors
⇢ richkid!tom x richkid!reader ⇠
w/c: 4.1k
warnings: swearing, drinking, light angst, and implied smut
summary: because of your mother’s insistence on a pristine family image and tom’s messy one, you deny your true feelings for him
a/n: ok ok ok the pics of tom in monaco really made me think and i had to get everything out of my system so here we are! thank you and enjoy x
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your living room is engulfed by a hushed chatter that comes from far too many guests. half the people, you hardly know. it’s overcrowded, superficial, and the last place you want to be. it’s one of your mother’s get-togethers, as she likes to call them. these things are always far from the casual affairs they sound like.
weeks go into planning, caterers and decorators making themselves at home in yours. the family’s image is everything to your mom, so being a good hostess is her top priority. ironically, she’s more concerned with throwing her gatherings than raising you. so much for family, huh?
the only reason you agreed to make an appearance tonight is that tom might do the same. he’s a really good friend, someone you’ve been able to count on through all the mess that is your lives. you met in high school, when he moved from london to the states. his dad was offered a job promotion he couldn’t pass up. plus, tom and his brothers would be receiving a stellar private education here in america.
it was a win for everyone, especially you. the freckle faced boy who got lost on his way to english class became your closest confidant. tom’s company is such a sweet escape. he’s not interested in opera or the stock market like most people you meet are. he sneaks you out to go on walks at dawn and does shots with you until you can’t stand straight.
as you two continue to grow together, revelations about yourselves have come to light. what you want beyond your inheritances, who you want beyond friendship. you figured out the second part on a faithful night recently. tom showed up to your place with a bottle of tequila. after you drank it down through lots of lime chasers and giggles, he kissed you. you didn’t kiss back.
your heart said to go for it, but your mind pulled you back in. you were so shocked and overcome with new feelings, you froze up. that, and you’d infuriate your mother. although she cares about tom a great deal, she loathes his public figure. he’s always getting papped in places and with people he shouldn’t be. the two of you together would just destroy her.
you still want to please your mom at the end of the day, no matter how deep under your skin she gets.
tom immediately apologized and tried play it off as him being drunk. you grew up with him, became part of each other’s families, which means you know him well enough to know he was lying. he meant every second his lips were on yours.
what you need to do now is something you’ve meant to for a while. the only problem is that you’re stuck at your mother’s party, and tom hasn’t shown up yet.
“y/n, darling,” your mom calls for your attention. she’s dragged you into a conversation with some bloggers, but you haven’t spoken a word. “why don’t you tell us about your trip to spain last summer?” she plasters on her award winning grin and squeezes your shoulder. it’s time to play along.
“oh, it was beautiful,” you halfheartedly reply, more to the bloggers than her. they nod in clear interest. one jots down notes. “we went for a few weeks and visited a bunch of different cities. i’d love to go back sometime.” the typical press formatted answer earns your mom’s approval. you’re off the hook. your eyes start to wander around the room, hoping to set on tom.
“we?” the woman taking notes asks. must everyone pry? “my friend and i,” you shortly reply. you’re standing up on your tiptoes to see over the crowd. you’d think six inch heels would do the trick. “i’m actually looking for him right now, so if you’ll excuse me,” you offer a polite smile and silently pray they won’t ask who. unfortunately, your wishes don’t come true.
the other blogger, a short and stubborn man, speaks up. “just a friend you say? come on, tell us. who’s the lucky fella?” he inquires. your mother raises a firm eyebrow, signaling for you not to.
tom has a reputation for his reckless behavior. it’s your mom’s worst nightmare when the media associates your names under most circumstances. you’re representing her, so she does whatever she can to control how you’re seen. you’re constantly in the papers, being a young socialite and all. it sucks.
“he’d like to stay out of the tabloids, sorry,” you cover for tom, on your mom’s behalf. “i should really go. it was nice meeting you.” the bloggers don’t bother to hide their disappointment as you shake their hands. your mother rubs your back in approval. “thank you for doing that. we’ll talk later,” she speaks lowly. “bye, mom!” you practically make a run for it. 
weaving through the sea of people, you end up by the main entrance. it’s hard not to get lost even though it’s your house. the place is packed with girls just a couple years older than you, wearing pearls around their necks. men’s strong colognes flow through the air. you’re in a form fitting red slip dress and louboutins yourself.
smoke and mirrors is what they call it. you show the pretty parts to distract from your ugly ones.
harrison suddenly comes waltzing in with a lady on either of his arms. you’d expect nothing less. he’s tom’s best friend besides you, considering the failed kiss attempt didn’t change that. their parents worked at the london branch of the same company. they each came to the states and met you. you happily introduced them to your world, helping to make it theirs as well.
“haz!” you meet him at the front door. he’s smirking while he leads the women inside. “fancy seeing you here, isn’t it?” he jokes. “very funny. i died laughing,” you deadpan, curiously eyeing harrison’s plus two. they merely giggle. “listen, have you seen tom anywhere? if he’s coming.” you’re fighting back a frown. “why wouldn’t he be?” harrison questions in a more serious tone this time.
“long story. you have guests to entertain, so i won’t get into it now,” you decide and manage a small smile instead. he perks up. “right. i’ll let you know if i see him?” nodding, you give him a wave goodbye. “enjoy yourself.” “you too, love. cheers!” the girls lean into him, harrison wiggling his eyebrows at you. he’s ridiculous.
hours pass by without word of tom. it isn’t like him to miss an event, especially if you’re in attendance. you despise these exhausting nights, and he’s supposed to be your rock during them. he should have his arm draped around your shoulders, whispering silly remarks to you while you hide out somewhere. you miss him more than you thought possible.
you’re just about to give up when you spot nikki ushering her husband inside. behind them follows tom, clad in a grey checkered suit with his locks perfectly tousled. he’s here. you waited the whole night, and he finally came.
tom kisses his mom on the cheek before strutting over to the drink table, not without a few reporters hassling him. they’re probably looking for another holland scandal to break. he declines their requests for comments on this and opinions on that, instead pulling up a chair next to harrison. the two exchange hugs and fix themselves glasses of champagne, you watching their encounter.
harrison fills tom in on the drama he’s missed tonight while they sip their drinks. tom keeps forcing smiles that don’t reach his eyes. he’s fiddling with his fingers, leg bouncing up and down steadily. those are the telltale signs he needs saving. however awkward it may be, you’re going to have to break your silence. it was bound to happen eventually.
“mate, i’m telling you. she fit her entire first right up her-“ “boys,” you cut into harrison’s story, greeting him and tom. his face tints deep pink upon your arrival. “don’t let me stop you. finish your charming anecdote,” you encourage him and subtly glance over at tom. he’s biting back a grin as he sets his elbows on the table.
“not with a lady present. let’s just… pretend you didn’t hear that,” harrison chuckles nervously and hops to his feet. “i’m gonna leave you two to chat.” humming, you move to take his chair. tom sucks in a breath. “what happened to the girls you brought?” you wonder. “they left. said they got bored,” harrison admits, tom stifling laughter. he elbows his friend for that.
“oh, fuck off. i’ll see you later,” he mopes, flicking your arm for good measure. tom salutes him and grabs his nearly empty champagne. “so long, bruv.”
it’s just you and tom now, seated side by side, silently so. he has no intentions of speaking first. he’s too embarrassed, and you don’t blame him. this is on you. you clear your throat before starting the conversation.
“can i top you off?” you tap the bottom of his glass with a tiny smile. tom shakes his head. “i’m alright, thanks.” he finishes the last sip and sets it down, turning to face you. your smile has vanished. “wasn’t sure you were gonna make it. i’m glad you did,” you change the subject. as if he’s considering the sincerity behind your words, tom furrows his eyebrows.
“mum wanted us to. she dragged me and dad straight off the golf course,” he explains and clasps his hands in his lap. his fingers interlock with each other. you fight off the urge to replace them with yours. “we would’ve been here sooner, but the paps are camped outside.” the hint of a smile forms on his lips, at last. “guess it’s not often you get the town’s finest under one roof.”
“you think i’m one of the town’s finest?” you tease, resting your chin in your palm. something flashes behind tom’s eyes. he looks right into yours, scooting closer. “absolutely. you’re the most eligible bachelorette in this whole building.” you allow a toothy grin to spread across your face. “tommy, stop it. you’re too nice to me.”
the nickname is music to his ears. tom looks you up and down, licking his lips simultaneously. “no, seriously. you look gorgeous,” he muses, you pushing at his chest. he exhales a breathy laugh, and you giggle yourself. “red’s definitely your color.” “reverse card. you wear it way better than i do,” you insist. your fingers tug at the collar of his suit. “too bad you didn’t match me.”
you’re relieved you two can talk like you usually do, light flirting and good vibes. it might not be so hard to put the kiss behind you. well, you can’t go on pretending it didn’t happen. you have to at least discuss the fiasco. tom should know why you didn’t reciprocate, then you can take it from there. whether he still has feelings for you, assuming he ever did, will depend on how that turns out.
“not to ruin the fun, but we still have to talk,” you murmur, tom’s body stiffening across from yours. he’s not sure he’s ready to discuss that. “can it wait? we’re at a party,” tom reminds you, running a hand through his styled locks. “yeah, my mother’s. don’t tell me you’re having a good time,” you playfully chastise him. he simply shrugs. “hardly. you’re the best part.”
you ignore the butterflies roaming about your body.
“you won’t mind a quick convo, then. it is with me,” you attempt to persuade him and place a hand on his knee. tom coughs a bit too loudly, the contact surprising him. “you know what? i think i’ll take you up on that drink first,” he decides with a mustered up smile. “coming right up.” you pat his leg before taking his glass. he chews on his lower lip while you poor the bubbling liquid. that was certainly… odd.
you slide tom his champagne back with an exaggerated wink. tom scoffs at this. “mm, thanks. care to join me?” he brings the alcohol to his lips, eyes never leaving yours. your mother specifically said no drinking tonight, since the press would be here. screw your mother, though. “please. could you hand me a glass?” you eagerly grab the champagne bottle. tom searches for an empty cup next to him.
you two are unspoken drinking buddies at this point.
“here you are, darling,” tom drawls, holding out the glass for you. every time he calls you that, you completely melt. “thanks, tommy,” you purr in response. you’re finally pouring your own drink when someone taps you on the shoulder, and hard. you look behind you to find your mother standing with her hands on her hips, less than thrilled. speak of the devil.
“hello, mother. can i help you?” you make sure to ask rudely. she responds with a smile that’s obviously fake. if tom weren’t here, you’d be getting scolded. “yes, my darling. those bloggers from earlier were hoping you’d finish your interview.” your mom shakes your shoulder in a motherly way. you squint up at her. “didn’t they leave hours ago-“ “they’re back,” she sharply informs you.
she’s lying, and you have a hunch as to why.
frowning, you hold tom’s hand in both of yours. “sorry, this won’t take long. why don’t you go find tuwaine?” you suggest instead. “he’s around here somewhere.” tom gives you an understanding nod and laces your fingers together, even if it’s only for a moment. “must be chatting up some producers or whatnot. i’ll see if i can help.” he’s such an incredible friend to everyone. he deserves the same from you.
“thomas, so lovely to see you,” your mom interrupts. tom stands up, kissing both her cheeks out of courtesy. “you, too. what a wonderful party. thank you for having us.” despite what the rest of the world believes, his manners are impeccable. “of course. give nikki my best, will you?” your mom puts her hands on his shoulders. he grins at her. “definitely. take care, mrs. y/l/n.” “always a pleasure,” she states, nudging you to come along with her.
you shoot tom one last apologetic look as your mother pulls you along and towards the crowd.
tom is no idiot. he’s well aware how she really feels about him.
when a swarm of guests is surrounding you, your mom lets go. you scowl, crossing your arms over your chest. “why would you do that? i haven’t seen tom in days.” she sighs without a care. “isn’t it time you branch out? expand your social circle?” her manicured fingers ruffle your hair. you push away her touch. “i’m social enough. we were in the middle of something really important.”
you begin to walk away, but your mother takes your arm. “whatever you’re about to do, it’s a mistake. he’ll make a fool of you,” she practically spits. yanking your arm from her grasp, you laugh bitterly. “of me, or of the family name? look around, mom.” you gesture to the spot beside her where your dad should be. “as far as i’m concerned, i have no family except tom. i’m gonna go check on him.”
you’re gone before your mom can stop you. she simply stands there, utterly mortified by what you said.
you run around the house to find tom, stumbling in your heels and not giving a fuck. you’d truly meant the part about him being your family. all the holland’s, honestly. they’re the most genuine and caring souls, and you don’t want to lose the one you’re closest to because of your mother’s delusions. 
tom is in a circle with harrison and tuwaine, the three of them chuckling amongst themselves. you’d hate to bug him, but this can’t wait anymore.
“uh, tom?” you mumble his name, appearing behind him. he steps away with another quiet laugh. “hey, y/n/n. that was quick, hm?” your face gives away your distress. his whole demeanor shifting, tom reaches for your hands. “what is it, love? is something the matter?” “just… come with me,” you croak out.
you manage to smile at harrison and tuwaine, dropping one of tom’s hands so you can lead him upstairs. they each return the smile and share curious looks.
following behind you, tom keeps your hand tight in his own. he’d thought you were going to grill him about the kiss that barely happened. it seems like this is a much more pressing matter. his outburst of emotions can be discussed another time. now, it’s time to deal with yours.
you drag tom into the first room on the second floor, which is your dad’s study. he’s away on business this weekend, so he luckily couldn’t make the party. tom sits down in the office chair. you sit up on the desk, in front of him. your lip quivers the second his worried features come into view.
“y/n/n, what’s going on? why are we in here?” tom wonders, his tone soft. your heart clenches. “i- i wanted us to have some privacy when i told you this,” you sniffle out and blink back the tears forming. you’re sort of shaken from the conversation with your mother, and mostly because you have no idea how tom will react to your confession.
his hands come to stay on your thighs, right below your dress. they feel warm against your bare skin.
“tell me what? i’m listening, yeah?” tom gazes up at you with so much love. “lay it all out for me.” god, he’s fucking amazing. if only you knew where to start. “do you, um…” you trail off, letting your tears subside and words settle. “do you remember when your family made your big debut in town?”
a grin replaces tom’s frown, painting his beautiful face. “how could i forget? you made it quite memorable.” he traces circles on your thigh and elicits a giggle from you. “i spilled a whole thing of soda on your white fucking button down,” you recount with a lighthearted sigh. “right before your dad was supposed to introduce you to everyone, too.”
tom presses his tongue into his cheek to hold back another grin. “took ages to get it out. dad went mad when i didn’t show.” he cocks his head to the side, you leaning back on your hands. “you held me hostage in the laundry room so you could do that bloody stain stick.” your mouth drops open in mock offense. “i had to clean up my mess! i wasn’t gonna let the world meet you covered in pepsi.”
that was one of your earliest memories together. the holland’s threw a party and invited everyone who was willing to attend. they had been hoping to properly introduce themselves to the town, and this was their way of doing so. although yours and tom’s friendship was fairly new, you spent all night together because you had experience with such events.
tom’s dad was making a speech to thank the guests for coming. you and him listened from the snack table, until his name was called. he rushed to go up there while you were pouring yourself a drink. he’d bumped into you, and the bottle ended up all over him. you snuck tom right off to his laundry room.
you’d felt terrible as he stood there shirtless and blushing, you aggressively swiping his button down with a stain stick.
“why do you bring that up?” tom questions and continues circling your skin. you purse your lips. “i dunno. it was the last party i actually enjoyed,” you admit, putting your hand over his that rests on your thigh. “like to reminisce when i’m suffering through one of my mother’s.” his eyes shift to where your hands are laced. “i see,” he affirms. “so, is that… all you wanted to talk about?” “not even close,” you laugh out.
a burst of courage coursing through your body, you say it. “when you kissed me the other night-“ “i won’t do it again,” tom cuts in, trying to avoid the rejection he thinks you’ll give him. “it was a mistake, and i’m so sorry. our friendship is more important than my feelings.” you seem excited to hear that, though it’s not for the reason tom expects. “you do have feelings for me?”
he’d forgotten about his i was drunk excuse.
“um, yeah. i do,” he admits, cheeks rosy and lip caught in his teeth. “but, i’ll learn to put them aside, if that’s what’s best.” “no, no. it isn’t,” you dismiss him and put your free hand on his chest. “i love you, tom. that’s what i was really trying to tell you.” your words bring an instant grin to his face. he chuckles in disbelief, standing from the chair.
“fuck, thank god. that’s all i’ve ever wanted to hear.” he’s between your legs now, his hands moving up to your hips. you’re beaming at him as your arms snake around his neck. a burning question comes to tom’s mind. “hang on. why didn’t you kiss me back, then?” he almost whispers, thumb brushing over your hipbone. “this is gonna sound weird, but… my mom,” you reluctantly let out.
“you’re gonna have to elaborate,” tom prompts you and raises an eyebrow. you can’t hold back your eye roll. “she’s never been a fan of the person you are in the media.” his lips form a line. “i gathered.” your fingers tangle in his curls at the nape of his neck reassuringly. “i was subconsciously scared i would be letting her down in some way, if we were together.”
tom allows your hands to work their way up to his scalp. he exhales contentedly as you play with his ever so soft hair. “i understand, she’s intimidating. what’s changed that brilliant mind of yours about coming clean?” your nose scrunches up when he pokes one of your temples. “oh, yeah. i yelled at her earlier ‘cuz she stole me away from you.” his face lights up. “sexy.” “shut up,” you groan. “someone had to tell her off.”
“good thing it got to be you,” tom agrees with a squeeze at your hip. “‘m proud of you, y/n/n. it’s not easy, standing up to mummy dearest.” you tug on his hair. “like you’d know. nikki is a saint.” “that’s what she’ll have you believe,” he says under his breath, you gasping. his lips turn up in a smirk. “on that note… i love you, too.”
“would’ve been embarrassing if you didn’t say it back,” you acknowledge with a cheesy smile. tom dips his head down to rest his forehead against yours. “yeah, yeah. save the attitude for your mum.” your legs easily wrap around his waist, tom’s breath hot as it hits your face. “let’s give that kiss another go,” you mewl. he doesn’t hesitate to reply. “with pleasure.”
tom’s lips land on yours, you kissing back right away. he smiles into it as your lips gently move together. “about fucking time,” he grumbles, your hands situating in his chocolate curls once again. he’s savoring every second you touch him, kiss him, love him. the taste of your mouth is one he’s craved for longer than you could imagine.
it doesn’t take long for things to heat up, you messing with tom’s hair and tom rubbing your hips. you lay back on the desk as his tongue enters your mouth. holding you by your waist, tom hovers over you. his tongue tangles with yours in a deep kiss. between that and his fingers beginning to massage your thigh, you’re done for. you’re ready to take this a step further by the time he’s kissing down your neck.
“tommy?” you grab onto his shoulders, your head back. his lips detach from your skin with a grin. “yeah, love? ‘s everything okay?” he coos, pressing a final kiss to your collarbone. “more than.” you tilt his chin up to peck his lips. “you wouldn’t happen to have a condom, would you? just thinking ahead.” he laughs breathlessly, reaching into his suit pocket.
“conveniently enough, i do. not sure your dad would like me fucking you on his desk, though.” tom sets his hand on your leg that’s still hooked around his waist. “my room’s always available. carry me?” you make grabby hands and bat your lashes. he hoists you up by your waist, not lifting you just yet. “that would break the news of us, no? your mum’s gonna go apeshit.” he keeps his arms around you, chuckling.
“let her. besides, i know a couple of bloggers that would love to announce our status update.” you peck tom’s lips, grinning as you do. you’re suddenly in the air and being picked up by tom. the surprise of it makes you squeal, clutching onto his broad shoulders instinctively. he gives you the look of adoration that’s reserved for you only.
“we’ll go pop a few bottles with everyone, then we’re celebrating on our own.”
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