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ivyuns · 2 years

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wishing upon a star - sunoo

genre: angst | fluff

word count: 1.6k

warnings: reader getting hospitalized, sunoo accidently hitting reader, passing out, neglecting health, arguments, sunoo being a lazy bum in the beginning, sunoo doing his best, reader blaming herself for everything, lmk if i missed anything else!

summary: you came home very tired after working two shifts. you wanted to come home, wanting nothing but you in sunoos arms in bed. but that went out of the window when a very small argument that couldve been handled broke out. what worst is that youre now hospitalized and sunoo wishes he could just go back in time to fix everything.

note: hii omg saur ive been real emo these past weeks so ive kinda wrote my emotions in like 10 different drafts so be on a look out for those. ++ im not sure when ill update fever bc im still not even half way done w part two 😭😭 enjoy ~

masterlist

it was a week after your fight, over something that could’ve been easily forgiven after talking out. something that could’ve been solved.

but no. you had left your house before he had done anything else stupid.

it was all because you were just asking sunoo nicely to clean up the place after you had many shifts to pick up, as well as studying to get in your dream school.

“sun? you here?” you had walked through the front door, dragging your tired feet to the living room, in which sunoo was still gaming with niki before you left— 6 hours ago.

the living room was a mess with finished chip bags and crumbs everywhere. oh you wanted to just breakdown.

“sun? hello?” you waved your hand in front of it to snap him out of his game. “hey baby, how was work?” he asked, still playing games. you ignored him and just cleaned his mess up.

you went to your bathroom to wash up and heading straight to bed, not having the energy for talking to the boy or anything.

sunoo realized you were gone for a bit and ended his game. he was putting his controller away and before he got up, he felt a pang of guilt. the guilt that you had to do everything, once again.

he quickly put everything away, turning off the lights and headed to your room. where he saw you almost dozing off to your fruit sensory videos that seemed to make you stay sane.

you sensed that he was coming on the bed with you, so you turned around and turned off your phone to charge and fell asleep. or tried to. “y/n?” he called out your name, hugging you from behind. you didn’t respond, too tired to do anything.

sunoo sighed. “i’m sorry i-“ “am i not doing enough for you?” you quietly said, tears flowing already.

you had such a bad week and just wanted to cuddle with sunoo. but everyday as you came home, the house was always a mess and sunoo was always in the same spot before you left. you felt like just crying for hours but you held it in. you didn’t want to see anyone, especially sunoo, to see you in your worst state.

“all i wanted to do when i got home was- was to be in your arms. be in our bed. i hated work so much. you never came to text me, or ask me how was i. im tired of coming home to you and the house a mess. ‘m sorry sunoo. im sorry im selfish.”

you cried into your arms and felt sunoo try to lift your arms up to hug you but you wouldn’t budge.

sunoo felt so heartbroken. how could he let his most precious girl feel like this. “im sorr-“ “im gonna go sunoo.”

you pushed sunoo away and went to the closet, wiping your tears at the same time. sunoo felt everything breaking down, he couldn’t let you go. especially so late at night.

he got up and saw you packing your essentials in your suitcase. he panicked and grabbed your wrist, a bit too harsh. “y/n! you cant go!” he shouted at you.

the tears increased as his grip was getting tighter, and the way he yelled at you. “s-sunoo. sunoo let go” you whimper. he didn’t listen, but the second time he heard you shout his name with a horrified face, he let go.

he saw the red mark he left. he saw you red puffy eyes. he saw the way you felt sick to your stomach. you wanted to run away and it was all his fault.

he stood up and tried to speak words out, but no words came out of him. you hurried to pack and left the house, leaving your promise ring and house keys.

after that night, he kept calling you, texting you, begging you to come back. he didn’t know where you were staying at, he didn’t know if you were warm and safe, he didn’t know if you were in someone else’s presence.

the house made him feel so alone. he stopped playing games and he cleaned the house, hoping you’ll just walk through the front door with a smile.

he put up the paintings you wanted to hang up on the walls, he built the dinning table that was just leaning against the dinning room wall. he did everything you asked him to do a while ago.

but everytime he tried to go to the closet, visions of him hurting you kept reminding himself that that was the only reason why you’re not coming back.

he sat alone in there, sobs muffled into the sleeve of his hoodie. “im sorry y/n. just come to my arms please.”

everywhere around the house had pictures of you two, decorated. polaroids scattered everywhere, memories everywhere.

until a phone call disturbed his thoughts. he looked at the contact, saying it’s from you. and immediately answered.

“sunoo!”

it wasn’t you. you friend had went through your phone to call him about you. “y-y/n, she-“ “she what!” sunoo yelled. he was scared what happened to you.

“she’s in the hospital. please come quick.”

—

sunoo drove quickly to the hospital your friend had told him. his hair a mess, eyes bloodshot, he was just a mess. he looked at the emergency exit and saw you friend holding your hand while you were on the bed, blood everywhere.

“y/n!” he called out your name. he ran to your moving bed and held your other hand.

your vision was blurry but you still saw the resemblance of his face. “s-sunoo?” sunoo wanted to punch the air. why did he make so much mistakes to end up you in the hospital. “im here baby” he cupped your cheek. the moment didn’t last long after the nurses had to stop him.

he tried to push them away, and yelled out your name through the door. he needed to be next to you.

the nurses reassured him, letting him know you’ll feel fine. but he wasnt having it, he needed to see if you’ll be okay.

he fell onto the waiting chairs, crying into the palms of his hands, dizzy.

it took a bit too long for sunoo. it was the next day and he didn’t get a wink of sleep. your friend had gotten a thin blanket from the nurses for him, hoping he’ll just have a 5 minute nap. but he didn’t want to lose sight of the surgery room he was next to.

the doctors had told him that you’ve been lacking nutrients. they had heard from your friend that you’ve been coming to their house after picking different shifts at your jobs everyday without eating or drinking. you’ve been sleeping with a few hours of sleep. and on top of that, the fight with sunoo has been on your mind too.

you overthink, wondering if it was dumb to run out of the house because he accidentally harmed you. you knew sunoo wouldn’t purposely hurt you, he was just protecting you.

all the stress of going back and work made you faint at work. they said you bumped your head on the counter at the kitchen, as there was a glass that also fell with you, resulting some shards cutting into you.

sunoo hoped and prayed, you will be okay.

—

you woke up hours later with wires hooked up onto you. whimpering in pain, you felt a bruise on your forehead. you looked around and no signs of sunoo or your best friend, but you could've sworn you saw them both before you fell asleep.

seeing flowers and "get well soon" balloons were blurring your vision as you remembered what happened. the sudden memory when sunoo had accidentally hurt you, when you got a message saying sunoo wasn't fine without you, how you saw sunoo's once beautiful eyes red because of you.

all of this were caused by you. is what you thought.

everything is your fault, you were the one that ran out on him in the first place. you were so in your mind, you didnt hear sunoo come in the room. "y/n!" he shouted.

he immediately exited the room and went to get your doctor, letting them know you have woken.

after the doctor ran tests on you, you were left alone with sunoo. the comforting silence was getting awkward for you. "y/n" "sunoo" you both said. sunoo slightly smiled, holding your hand for you to continue.

"im sorry, this wouldn't had happened if i didn't walk out on you" you said. tears slowly falling. sunoo felt like he just lost his best boyfriend award. you were blaming yourself when you did nothing wrong.

he looked up at you and wiped your tears away. "no im sorry for not asking how your day was in the first place my love." he paused. "im sorry for how lazy i was. i've failed to noticed your emotions after work and school. you're not selfish baby. you had every right to be upset. you are more than enough for me. i love you so much y/n. you're the best thing that happened to me. please."

you saw how sincere he was. his eyes held up the galaxies whenever he saw you, and you saw it right here. he was too in love with you. "thank you" you muttered. "let's go home."

as you walked in the door of your home after weeks, you saw the place was neatly cleaned and your walls weren't bare anymore. your dinning table all set. every room in your house was now completed, all thanks to sunoo and a bit of help of his friends.

"sun, thank you" you hugged him. he leaned in and hugged you tightly. "let's go cuddle, tell me how your days was, my lady."

with that, you guys settled in on your comfy bed, looking out of the window while the stars were out on the dark night.

you fell asleep when it happened, but sunoo held you close. right before he could close his eyes, he saw a shining shooting star. 'i wish to make you happier than ever.'

end.

(2022) © dont repost or copy | @ivyuns

#enhypen #enhypen sunoo #sunoo angst #sunoo fluff #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #kpop #kpop angst #kpop fluff

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plush-rabbit · 3 years

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Mental Toll - Brothers.

Request: My mom kicked me out, her 15 year old daughter out of her house. And I've been staying with my aunt but everything is taking a mental toll on me . Can I get a Beel, mammon, Leviathan, or asmo comfort?

A/N: Sweetheart, I’m sorry for this. It can be all so difficult for you, but please take care of yourself. Remember that nothing is your fault, you’re a child, you’re gonna be okay. Please don’t keep these emotions bottled up (im also assuming this is comfort on your situation, so yeah)

Mammon:

You’ll always have a place with him. He’s taken on a guardian role for you and while he might have hated it at first, he’s grown attached to you. Your guardians in the Human Realm don't matter. They decided to leave you, so now you’re here with him and he isn’t going to abandon you anytime soon. Mammon may not know what to do when he finds you crying and unable to speak, but he cares and he’ll try to show that to you, telling you that you can bunk with him for the night- you get to take his bed and he’ll sleep on the couch, you don’t have to be alone.

He isn’t exactly the best at comforting, using a bit too many words only to come up short, but once that initial nervousness wears off, he’s comforting. He’s taken care of a child before- granted they were much younger, and was then put into the care of witches- he knows what a scared kid looks like. He’ll offer what he can to you and let you rest your head on his bicep as he listens to you ramble about what happened. He won’t ever push for you to talk, but it might help sort out all those feelings that are bubbling up inside of you.

Of course it’s difficult for the both of you. He isn’t too knowledgeable about the mentality and fragility of a human mind and emotions but he can assume to be essentially kicked out of a parent’s home can be rough. He’s dealt with it before even if he knew the risks. He remembers the nights of pain and agony, the silent suffering that was thick in the air, and the lack of self-care. He comes in with a small meal every day, grabbing random vitamins that he thinks might be good for you, and just lets you rest. You see a more hidden side of Mammon, the one that cares too much, that acts almost like a parental figure and have a comforting smile and gives nice hugs.

You aren’t free to rest forever. He’s also seen what that kind of damage that can do to someone's mental health. He won’t ever pressure you to go out and do something you don’t want to, but you do have to move from the spot on his bed. You can hide yourself in his room for as long as you want, but you can’t live your life stuck in a bed. He knows that that isn’t good for anyone. You’ll have all the space that you could want and need, but you need to also talk to him and take care of yourself.

It’s his role as your guardian to take care of you and make sure that nothing bad would happen to you- you being in the Human Realm makes no difference to that. You’re still under his protection and he’ll take care of you as much as he can. Mammon can be brash, and have his sin take over, but it isn’t all that he is. He can be selfless and take care of you and let you just relax around him. There’s no pressure put on you and he’ll protect you. He promises that- he’s a demon, he’s lived for a long time and he’ll live for an even longer time and as long as he’s around, he’ll protect you.

Leviathan:

Coming to Leviathan is certainly a choice. He cares- of course he does! But, he doesn’t know what to do. Of course he knows how it feels, but it was different and so long ago and buried under memories and the fictional world, that he chose to forget that. It’s different with you. You’re a child who’s crying and at a loss for a parent that left them and it must hurt. He’s awkward, but he’ll sit by you and have a hand on your back telling you to take all the time that you need. He’s always here in his room after all, so you can always find him.

In the beginning, he doesn’t know what to do. Surely, there should be words or tips online that could help him translate his words and feelings better than “that sucks.” An apology feels so fake and unsure and he doesn't want that for you. You deserve something real, an actual meaningful interaction that might help you but he comes up blank. He doesn’t know what exactly he should say, so he just lets you rest beside him as he tells you his own encounter with abandonment and what helped him.

He tries to make you feel better in a way that helps him- via distractions. It helped him and maybe it could help you. You like to spend time with him so you both must share some type of interest in common. He feels so proud of himself when he offers you to read his manga or play some of his games. It’s a nice distraction and depending on what you choose, it can be a great way to just open up emotions and see what could effectively help trigger just that blockade of emotions for the both of you. You don’t have to do it, but it proves to be nice to just immerse yourself in some fictional tale.

Eventually, he starts to read what you read once you’ve fallen asleep. You gravitated towards it for a reason and it’s easier to talk to you like that. You get to be the hero, the protagonist or whoever you want, and he knows the struggles that they go through. He can help through an outside glance. It starts off simple, just him mentioning comments, prying for information about why you like a certain character and then in just a blink of an eye, you’re crying. You opened up and he’s by your side.

Comforting you is a bit awkward, but what could he expect. He sits by you and lets you talk through your emotions even if it makes no sense- your words are garbled and out of order- but he gets the main point of it. Leviathan understands that you’re hurting and who wouldn’t be. You’re a child, and the love of a parental figure means a lot. He might not be confident to have that type of relationship with you, but he can certainly be a big brother who lets you come into his room and sleep in a futon that he has when you’re feeling particularly lonely.

Asmodeus:

His eyes are sad, the usual glow and glimmer dimmed and his smile once beautiful and stretched, it pulled into a soft frown. Even in sadness, he still looks beautiful. With a gentle pull, he brings you into his room, and lets you set your stuff down on the floor. Asmodeus holds your face in his hands and gingerly wipes away your tears. You’ve had such a long day and it’s no secret that he has the best bath in the house, so he lets you go use it in order to destress, just enough to clean yourself and have time to gather your feelings and thoughts.

The room is suited to him and to only him, but he figures that you wouldn’t want to be alone. He has to rid some of the extra pillows on the bed, rid of the stronger scents in the room in order to not congest you more, and just declutter his room a bit more. It’s suited for him, a demon who can and lives for the finer things, but for you, he needs you to be able to breathe. The sheets are replaced, the towel that he has set for you soft and fluffy and the clothes clean and smelling like the house, a much better scent than the stitched to your clothes. He sends it to you via magic, wanting you to come to him when you’re ready.

When you approach him, he gives you a comforting smile and pats the bed beside him. He grabs your hand and massages it slowly, telling you that he’ll be here for you if you need anything. You can talk to him or choose not to, and he won’t pressure you in the slightest. You can take your time to talk to him. He feels a bit bad that he can’t tell you that everything will be okay, he knows it will, so sure of it that he’d bet himself on it, but it isn't what you want to hear. You just need to know that he’s right there by your side.

For now, you’re okay. You’re safe in his room and he likes being an older brother- at least to a few. He likes to spoil people rotten, and he gets to do that with you. You get to have everything good and shiny. You’re going to be okay when you stick with him, because he won’t let anything happen to you. He’s going to be your new home, your new big brother.

The process is tough, and he doesn’t rush anything. It’s subtle with Asmodeus and being ever so careful with his appearance, he makes sure to take care of yours. Mental health is so fragile and he just wants you to be okay. He’ll offer substitutions if certain activities can feel a bit too difficult for you, but he doesn’t push too much. You still have to take care of yourself and it might feel overbearing, but he needs to take care of you.

Beelzebub:

Family means everything to Beelzebub. At the very end of it, it’s part of the core of who he is. He feels your pain and is empathetic when you tell him what happened and he holds you close, letting you rest on his bed as he sits on the edge with a comforting hand rubbing circles on your back. He’s a demon, he knows just how cruel others can be, and yet, to see someone hurt someone as young as you, it makes him sick.

Your tears hit him hard and he can only hug you as you cry into him about your situation. There are too many emotions inside of you and it must be so difficult for you to handle all of them and he wishes he could help take that away, but he can only hold you and make sure that you sleep in a position that won’t hurt your neck once the tears have tired you out. It’s the little things that he does for you until you come to him and explain everything to him, and he’ll listen and won’t interrupt.

During this time, he tries to not be imposing. He doesn’t want you to run from him so he’ll give you time to come to him when you’re ready. He checks up on you often, knocking on your door and entering with a few snacks. He’ll stay if you ask him and talk to you about mundane stuff. A part of him wonders if that’s really what you want to hear, but he can’t say anything different. He doesn’t know what it is that you want to hear and he doesn’t want to pressure you any further. Anyways, it seems like you like to listen to him during these moments. Maybe, he provides a nice distraction.

He’ll always make sure that he has his phone on him in case you need him. He’s told you before that you can contact him whenever you want, and that he’ll come running to you. He’s sure it’s his big brother instincts taking over. He may be the sixth brother, but it doesn’t remove the fact that he has a twin. It’s only by his power that he ranks sixth. With you, he can be a big brother and be the cool and caring type that takes care of you. You can always come to him whenever you need something and he’ll make sure to give you whatever you want.

It comes to no surprise that you two develop a strong bond and you start to stick to him and he welcomes that. He won’t leave you alone unless you ask him to and he always makes sure to include you in whatever activity he has. During lunch, he’ll sit with you and listen to you and he’s glad that you're starting to feel better around him. You’ve both grown quite attached and he tries to do good by you. Beelzebub will give you whatever you need because beside his twin, you’re the youngest in the family. He’ll reassure you that nothing is your fault, that you’re only a child and that you’ll be okay. You’ve been there for him and he’ll be there for you.

#obey me #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #big brother vibes!!#for all!!#or least four #theyd care a lot #theyd be clunky and unsure how to deal with it #but they would #they care

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softrozene · 3 years

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Just Calm

Anonymous requested: HII this is my first time doing something like this so im sorry if its awkward but ive had this idea for awhile now maybe a scenario where law found out that his s/o ate the same devil fruit as cora-san and she's using it everytime the crew is getting a little to loud so law could focus more on his work or something like that thank youu

This was so cute! I got sad doing it so there is some angst but nothing too bad! Thank you so much for requesting and I hope you enjoy it!

Trafalgar Law x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff, slight angst- like a smidge, uh technical spoilers? I tried to be extremely vague about what happened to Corazon/Donquixote Rosinante

Words: 994

Law just stares at the clipboard on his desk. He is supposed to be looking over some minor physical health of the crew but for some reason, he feels off. It has happened quite a few times over the past few months- But what is off is the quietness. He always shakes it off needing to get the work done but after the 20th time of just calm in the submarine, he finally thought about it and grew suspicious. His crew is never quiet.

Normally he would be grateful for this type of silence but right now it just nerves him. It just makes him stop and stare at the paperwork for a while. In the end, his curiosity grows more, and he has to stop trying to do his paperwork. So instead, a stroll through the submarine sounded nice. To see and investigate why his crew is so quiet. Maybe they really did finally grow some manners when he is trying to work on stuff for them?

However, the second he stepped out of his room, he realized something. It gives him chills.

“No way,” Law mutters as he steps back into his room only to feel completely shocked.

His room is the just calm part of the submarine but how and why? The second he steps out of his room he can hear his crew conversing, shouting, and messing around- No doubt the trio being his girlfriend, Penguin, and Sachi probably harassing his poor Bepo.

The other crewmembers usually do their own work or have a hand in the noise.

It does not make sense at all to him. He knows that feeling. He was in it before but there is no way. Who would possibly do it if it were true? Who has Cora’s fruit? He feels sick at the thought of remembering him but also- Relieved. If his deductions are true that means someone in his crew as the Calm Calm Fruit. Someone he trusts has it.

He is not one to necessarily believe in fate but- This is a very unique circumstance.

He wastes no time and heads to the source of the noise. Of course, it is indeed you holding onto Bepo while Sachi and Penguin are trying to pull you off. Upon seeing him, all four of you freeze. Not out of fear of disturbing him. No, all four of you seem to know what is going on and that confuses him.

“Who has the Devil Fruit?” He gets straight to the point.

Penguin and Sachi do not spare you. They are quick to point fingers, grab Bepo, and get the hell out of there. Law is genuinely surprised. He did not think you were a Devil Fruit User and you had been with them short of two years now. Though if you truly do possess Cora’s fruit then that would explain a lot.

Such as how you are the best infiltrator he has ever heard of. He never witnessed it only testing your abilities based on if you get out of there unscathed and you do. But this? It makes sense now how you are able to stand your own when you do solo missions- How you rely on others when there are team missions but- How the hell did he not know you were a fellow Devil Fruit user?

You would think that is the most needed information he would need but you held it back from him. Now he feels just a tad hurt since you are partners.

Right now though- You look embarrassed. You rub the back of your neck and look everywhere else but him when you speak. “Sorry, you had to find out about my lame powers this way. I didn’t want anyone to know but Bepo caught me using them a few weeks back and they told me I should be wary when I use it here. I am so sorry. I could not stand the thought of being kicked out here. I assume you are going to break up with me now?” You ask your embarrassed tone slowly moving to despair.

What?

Law is even more confused as he asks, “You are embarrassed by your powers?”

“Well- yes and no. I love them- I ate the Calm Calm Fruit a few years ago and I fell in love with what I can do but others always put me down saying it is lame. When Bepo told Penguin and Sachi they told me to be wary- I thought it was because they thought you would think it is lame. Since it is not powerful or anything…” You murmur your hand finally falling to your side.

You look so… Dejected.

Law is quick to shut that down. “No- I only wish I knew so I could adjust what missions I give you for your safety… That and you already know about my past. About Cora-san, don’t you?”

“Yes. The man I owe a lot to because without him you wouldn’t be here,” You state confidently as you reach for his hand.

Law swears- Somehow Cora sent you to him. He knew you would be the perfect match. As idiotic and unrealistic as that sounds, it makes Law happy.

“That was his fruit,” Law murmurs.

It was a detail he never told you. Because he only remembered the man, not the power. But now if he told you sooner, he would have found out about your power too. This is mind-blowing to him. That and the way you even use your powers- It sounds like you only use them on solo missions and for him on the submarine.

“Oh- OH! I am so unworthy of his Devil Fruit. Oh my god, I understand. I am so sorry if I upset you by having it,” You begin to ramble.

Again, he shuts that down and just hugs you.

“No, (Name). You are more than worthy of having it. I am glad it is you.”

#my writing #one piece x reader #trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar law #one piece #fanfiction #scenario #one piece fanfiction #one piece scenario #fluff #donquixote rosinante #female reader

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atiny-exol · 4 years

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Mafia! Ateez! Their s/o saves them

_______

Warning:strong language, blood, mentions death, torture, some sad things but I hope you like it

____________

Hongjoong

You aren't just anyone

You are his wife/husband

He gets kidnapped? You will make the ones who did that regret this decision

Yeah, that's what you thought

But it seems..easier in your thoughts than in real life

So of course you get hurt

But no one is taking your husband away

And anger let you do stupid things

So as soon as you got Hongjoong out there..

Believe me you wished you never did that

He loves you, he is thankful that you helped him

But why the actual fuck did you though this is a good idea?

The Guy would have done the same thing and now you are hurt

Scolds you a lot

So.. Let's say the next time you will not storm inside the room where they captured Hongjoong and save him

And he purely regrets that he showed you how to use a gun

,,No baby.. Baby.. Listen." Hongjoong voice was cal, yet stern as he tried to calm you down as you shouted at one of the members of the gang who kidnapped him. ,,Calm down my love. Calm down. Everything is okay don't worry. Give me the gun and I will eliminate them." you shake your head at his command and looked at the man behind Hongjoong with a dark look.,, Did you just say no? Baby! That wasn't a yes or no question this is a command now give me the gun and.." before he could say more the first shot is fired and your husband looked at you with pure disbelief,,I- what did I say about shooting! "

Seonghwa

You know that it wasn't a good idea to go on your own behind Hongjoong back to save seonghwa

But you couldn't wait longer

You felt sick of not knowing what they are doing to your beloved husband and

You don't Anat him to be dead

You need him

More than anything

He is the only family you have and you can't risk to lose him

That why you did that

You were surprised how easy it was to get into the room Seonghwa is captured in

But then you pulled out his gag you knew excatly why it was so easy

Seonghwa is mad

More than mad

You run directly in the trap of the enimes of Ateez without evening knowing

He is scared and mad at you

In the end your attempt to save him ends with another hostage for the rivals to use against Ateez

With a rough pull on your hair someone pushed you on the floor, your head throbbing like hell because of the fall. ,,Ohh if that isn't Mr. /Mrs. Park." With a dark glare you looked up at the young male, who leaded the rival gang your husband kidnapped. ,,It's a shame that we have to meet under this circumstances. I mean you are.-". With one of his feet he shoved your head to the side to have a better look at your face. ,,Truly a beauty. I will definitely find a good use for you.". ,,Take your hand away you sick - " you heard the yelling of your husband but it got shut down with a punsh in his face, and after that someone pushed the gag inside his mouth again. ,,Don't interrupt me Park that rude." The taller male said and then looked at you with a smile. ,, So where were I? "

Yunho

So surprised as he sees you in the room

He is proud but also scared and slightly mad at you

He tough you how to fight and use a gun for protection and not to do stupid things like that

The first thing he does when you open the ropes is to make sure that you are fine

He will hold you close and he will lead you out of the building

Nobody is going to touch you again

Because is so madddd as he saw all the wounds you have

As soon as you both are home again he will hold you a lecture and scolds you end less and the boys too because they helped you to save him

They said that you can help them after you begged them for like hours

He is more mad at them than at you

But don't worry

After some time you get a special treatment for this

,,If my husband doesn't come out there alive I will make your life a living he'll boys!" the words left your mouth without thinking about them. You know that it's unfair to say that, of course it is but you are just so worried and scared about the wellbeing of your loved one. ,,Oh really? Then do something to help us and don't stand there and yell at us." Yeosang complained annoyed and rolled his eyes. And oh my.. He will wish that he never said that.

San

You are super proud of yourself

I mean.. You wanted to save him and now you are standing infront of him

You did something right and the lessons on fighting with San are now useful for something

As soon as you get rid of the ropes, San is hugging and cuddling you

Checks on you if you have some deeper wounds

But he is also super proud of you

He will constantly prais you after you both get out of the base of the rivals

Even if it wasn't easy

You will get a special reward for that

But you never want to do that again

It's way too much stress and it scared you and San

San just because he was scared about you

So... No more missions like that for you

You have to promise that

,,No please babygirl/ baby boy I want you to promise me that you never and I mean never do that again." Sans voice was soft, but even yet he sounds stern and serious, soemthing you don't heard that often from him. ,,Y.. Yes.. I promise you that. I won't do it again." you whispered slightly and looked on the ground, now feeling more than foolish and bad for not thinking twice about what could have happened to you too. ,,No no no don't be sad now princess/prince Im so proud of you. More than just proud so please don't be sad."

Mingi

He is a super cute boyfriend for you but a killer at his work

So when you saved him you saw his bad side for the first time

You saw the first time how he kills someone that night

And it was very scaring to see him like that

As soon as you left the room with mingi the soft side of him dissappeared and he told you exactly what to do

He didn't care that you are his wife/husband at the time and that you might be scared

The only thing what mattered is getting you out of there savely

After that is done his soft side would appear again and he would shower you in kisses

He praises you and he is proud of you

But of course he also would scold you

,,Shut the fuck up. I said to close your mouth a few second ago didn't I? I can understand that you are happy to know that I'm fine but that doesn't mean you can talk the whole time.". He whisper yelled at you and you immediately shut up at this. Mingi never spoke to you like that. ,,Now come on. We should get out of here before someone captures us because you are so loud."

Yeosang

Ice prince not that happy to see you

I mean he knew that you have a stubborn attitude

But that you would really try to save him on your own? How stupid can someone be

Like.. It wasn't a surprise that someone catched you

It wasn't a surprise that they brought you to the room where they tortured Yeosang

And he looked awful

You really felt bad because you couldn't help him

You felt bad for acting that dumb

Yeosang is mad at you yes, he thinks about how stupid you are and how stubborn

But that's just the facade he tries to keep up

He is concerned about you.. And he is scared

He can handle to be tortured, he is in this business long enough, but you

You are his precious little doll

And he is the only one who could hurt you

So let's say.. Yeosang will find a way to punish anyone who lays a single finger on you

So.. Let's say you will never do this again and if you do this again.. Yeosang will kill you on his own (not really but you know what I mean)

,,Come on Kang don't give me that look hm." the tall and young rival said as he looked directly into his eyes, a sadistic smile forming on his lips as he gently runs his finger over the table full of his tools. Your face screamed pure fear and you wanted to close your eyes, you wanted to not see what he picks up, but not even your eyes moved how you want it. ,,So sad that you can't speak Kang. I mean you could help me find the perfect tool for your precious doll." a faked disappointed sigh left his mouth and he looked over to you. ,,I'm Doyoung by the way. Just telling you this because we will have a lot of fun for a long time now precious."

Wooyoung

Getting in was easy

Getting out is the problem

And wooyoung knows that

The gun you had is gone and now you have to sneak you somehow

That's not really easy if everyone knows that someone is in the base because you weren't careful enough

Wooyoung tried his best to protect you

But.. Let's say that it doesn't end that well

Wooyoung protected you and now he is laying in your arms and bleeding

Don't worry Ateez stormed in in the right time and saved both of you

But just a few minutes later and Wooyoung would be dead

Even if he got hurt because of you the first thing he asked when he wakes up is if you are fine.

You are his priority

And he was so scared for you

He will maybe tease you with this for a long time

Tears over tears streamed over your face as Wooyoung layed in your arms, bleeding and unconscious. It was all your fault you thought and just as you looked up to see where the man is who shoot your man, you saw the familiar face of Hongjoong and the other boys. You screamed for there help and they immediately rushed towards you. ,, Pssht y/n everything is fine don't worry. Wooyoung will be fine too don't worry."

Jongho

Perfect boyfriend

Is super happy that you saved him but also super concerned about your health

He would also scold you a lot

But like the gentleman he is he would kill everyone on the way out of the basement

No one and I mean no one is going to harm you once you helped Jongho out of his ropes

Even if he looks like he would get unconscious every second because they did cruel things to him

He could never live happy if you would get hurt because you saved him

And you are the reason why he has the strength and power to get out of the rivals base

,,Y/N w.. What what are you doing here? ". Your husband asked you with big eyes and a surprised expression. ,, I'm saving you Jongho.. I'm sorry for not helping you sooner I'm really sorry." you whispered but then felt his lips on yours, it was a soft and quick touch but that was excatly what you needed right now. ,,Come on. You saved me and now I bring you out of here without getting hurt baby."

#ateez #ateez san #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez jongho #ateez mingi #ateez reactions #ateez wooyoung #ateez yeosang #mafia ateez #ateez mafia au #genderneutral #ateez angst

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anythingandeverything1d · 4 years

Text

Stressed Out

You were escorted into the arena by two guards, they each had an arm on you and were pushing their way through the crowd of screaming fans who had collected outside while you were arriving. People were pointing, recording, and taking pictures of you, all while trying to grab onto you and follow you inside. Your body was exhausted, mentally and physically. You were beyond stressed and you felt as if your body was losing the battle of life. You made it inside and took a breath, leaning against the cold brick wall. The guards stood nearby, giving you space but making sure you were okay. Harry hadn't arrived yet, but you wish he had gotten there first. You wanted nothing more than a warm hug and someone to tell you everything was going to be okay. Your body was shaking, your heart rate had doubled and you felt as if you could barely breathe.

You slumped to the floor, your back still against the wall, your face buried in your knees. You closed your eyes and thought back to simpler times. The days where Harry would surprise you at home, he would walk in carrying flowers and cupcakes, the biggest smile on his face. You would stay inside and watch movies all night while ordering pizza and laughing while he told you all of the dad jokes he had come up with on the plane. You would sleep in until noon, snuggling in bed most of the day and catching up on everything you had missed while he had been gone. In the afternoon you would get dressed only to go out to your favorite park and walk around, ending up at your favorite ice cream parlor where Harry would sample each and every flavor until deciding to get the exact same one he always got, Christmas Pudding. Those were the days. The days when your relationship was still private and fans only speculated what was going on.

You and Harry had been dating for over a year now, and originally your plan was to keep the relationship a secret and as private as possible. Of course Harry’s fans were dedicated and involved, they had quickly speculated that the two of you were dating but nothing had been posted or confirmed. Thats the way you liked things, you could still go out to the store and not be swarmed with people or have to have guards tag along with you. It had been a month or so ago, you and Harry had gone out to dinner and a pap caught the two of you mid kiss. The news spread quickly and then Harry had confirmed it in an interview and then also mentioned you would be touring with him. Now halfway through the tour, you were breaking down. Fans had taken quite the liking to you, which at first you had been grateful for, but now it was a little overwhelming for someone who wasn't quite used to being in the spotlight and was considered “normal”.

“(y/n)!” Harrys concerned voice echoed through the walls backstage. You looked up, tears in your eyes as he knelt in front of you. He opened his arms and you climbed into them, breaking into sobs. “Shhh...its okay love.” he whispered into your hair. “Are you okay? What happened?”

You tried controlling your breathing but were struggling. You gripped him tighter and tried explaining. “Th-they-they-they were all around us and-and-they -they wouldn't let go. They just kept pulling on me and I-I couldn't see where we were going. Everywhere I looked-there was -there was a phone recording me and-”

“Shh...Im sorry babe. I should've been there.” Harry pressed a kiss to your forehead and just held you until you had calmed down a little. Your breathing had improved and he had pulled you to your feet, escorting you to the dressing room. You sat on the couch and looked in the mirror. You had big black bags under your eyes which were now red and puffy from crying, you looked a lot thinner, and you almost didn't recognize yourself. Harry was running his fingers through his hair, you knew you were the cause of his stress which only made you feel worse about everything. He looked at you and sighed, walking over. “I think you should try getting some rest...I have rehearsal but after we can get dinner okay?” You nodded and he wrapped his blanket around your body, tucking you in. He kissed you softly and smiled, “Get some sleep babe, it’ll make you feel better.” you smiled and whispered I love you as he walked out. As soon as the door had closed you sat up. You hadn't actually gotten more than an hours worth of sleep every night for over a week now. Part of it was due to stress, the other part was that you just didn't sleep well when you weren't in your own bed. Normally when you were traveling with Harry he slept with you, making you feel at home and sleep fairly normally. This tour however had been different. He would go from performing to writing and recording, leaving very little time together. On top of not sleeping, you hadn't really been eating either. The thought of food made you feel sick, you felt like someone was always either judging what you were eating, how you were eating, or why you were eating. You had been judged on your weight, your body, and your looks more than you could count. You received more comments on your body image than you ever thought possible and it had made you extremely self conscious.

A little over an hour later you heard a knock at the door. You stood up confused, Harry would've just walked in... You opened it and found a man smiling. “Hi, you must be (y/n)?”

“Yeah...”

“I’m Dr. Ken. Mr. Styles talked to me earlier.”

“Okay...is Harry okay?”

“Harry’s fine yes, I’m actually here for you.”

“For me?”

“Yes, Harry was a little concerned...he mentioned you may have been feeling overwhelmed lately. You may not be sleeping well, or eating...”

You didn't answer just crossed your arms and stood in the doorway. “I’m sorry but-”

“Dr. Ken.” Harry’s voice cut in from around the corner. He was sweaty from rehearsal, his shirt slung over his shoulder. Harry shook Dr. Kens hand and invited him into the room. You stood in the doorway not moving or talking and he came over with an exhausted look on his face. “Babe...”

“Harry what the hell.”

“You're not okay! You need to talk to someone, you are actually scaring me. I worry that one day you're going to drop over dead from not eating or not getting any sleep. Its not okay...I don't want to lose you...I don't want you to go home..but you cant continue on like this. I cant watch you kill yourself. I cant lose you.” You bit your lip, tears forming in your eyes. You had no idea Harry was so worried. You hadn't even realized that he had realized you weren't doing well. Harry hugged you and gripped your hand tightly while pulling you over to the couch. “Let him help...” Harry whispered.

You looked into his green eyes and nodded. You never wanted to hurt or stress Harry out. Dr. Ken sat next to you taking your vitals. He seemed a little concerned but didn't say anything. Harry stood behind the couch pacing anxiously. “(y/n) your body is extremely dehydrated...when was the last time you had some water today?”

You thought about it, and weren't exactly sure. Normally you drank more water than your body every needed but you had no idea the last time you had taken a drink. “I’m not sure..”

“Harry, why don't you grab her a water. She needs to get fluids into her body..” Harry nodded and grabbed two bottles of water. He handed one to you, and dropped the other next to your side. You took a sip, appeasing Harry for a moment.

“So why don't you tell me a little bit about how you've felt the past few weeks.” Dr. ken asked. You looked back at Harry anxiously. You were afraid at how he was going to react.. you knew he loved you but what if he thought you couldn't handle the spotlight...what if that was the end of the line and he ended things with you because of it. Dr. Ken sensed your apprehension and nodded to Harry. Harry didn't want to leave, he was very reluctant but after an encouraging nod from Dr. Ken he sighed deeply.

He pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I have to get ready for the show. If you need anything, don't feel bad about interrupting okay?”

You nodded and he kissed you softly. You smiled and watched him leave. Dr. Ken looked at you again with a gentle smile. “Lets try again, what have you been feeling lately?” You sighed and let it out. You told him about the stress with fans, your body image, being perfect, being someone Harry should date. You told him about not being comfortable on tour, not spending time with Harry, your anxiety about being overcrowded when out and about. Everything building up in your body was spilling out. You felt a weight roll off your shoulder. Dr. Ken said nothing, he wasn't taking notes, wasn't judging you. He was just listening. He listened to you talk for almost an hour. You shared how you were afraid to talk to Harry about everything because you thought he would leave you. You mentioned how you felt that you couldn't live up to fans expectations. You cried about missing simpler times with Harry. He handed you a tissue and smiled. “(y/n) has Harry ever seemed unhappy with you?”

“No, but-”

“Has he ever said anything about fans not liking you?”

“No.”

“Have you talked to him at all about these fears?”

You sighed. “No.”

“And why’s that?”

“I don't want to stress him out. I don't want to throw off his game while on tour. I don't want him to hate me...”

“Has he ever said anything about hating you?”

“No...”

“(y/n) I think something that might make both you and Harry feel better is talking to him about everything.” You nodded and looked down at your feet. “I also think that you may benefit from going home and not continuing on with the tour..” You didnt say anything. You knew he was right about both things. You needed to talk to Harry. You also needed to go home. You couldnt continue on like this anymore.

“I know..” you sighed. He smiled and patted your hand.

“Your health is more important than up keeping his expectations of you. If he's that upset about you leaving...he's not the one anyway.” You smiled sadly at him and nodded.

“You're right... Thank you.”

“You're welcome. I’m going to leave you my number. Call anytime okay? I mean it..even if it's just to complain about Harry. I don't want you holding things in like this anymore. Understood?”

“Understood.” you smiled as he stood up and collected his things. “Thank you Dr. Ken.”

“Anytime.” He walked out, leaving you alone in the room. You waited for Harry patiently, trying to think of what to say. You were so involved in your thoughts you almost didn't hear him walk in. He sat next to you and ran his fingers through his hair. “How was the show?”

“Not my best...I had other things on my mind.” He smiled sadly and you nodded.

“Harry I need to talk to you about some things...” Harry looked sick, but he nodded. You grabbed his hands and looked at him. His green eyes were searching yours for clues. You took a deep breath. “I think...I think I need to go home.”

“Go home? Like as in leave the tour?”

“Yeah...” you bit your lip and Harry looked confused.

“But-”

“No...Haz I really need to get everything off my chest. The last month has been so hard-like harder than I ever thought. I don't feel like we have spent any time together...you don't even sleep with me...On top of that, I don't feel like I can live up to your image. I cant make fans happy. I’m not pretty enough for you...”

“Babe thats insane.” Harry cut in. “You are beautiful. I love every part of you. And you make fans happy, they all love seeing you-”

“Harry. People send me death threats daily. They say I’m ugly and fat, and they say I bring down your image and well maybe they are right maybe I-”

“You make me the best person I can be...You are the most beautiful thing about me (y/n)...I’m sorry..I didn't realize this was happening but I want you to understand that none of that is true.” you smiled and nodded.

“I know but it's been hard. I feel like I want to be better for you, and I know you love me. I know you think I’m beautiful. But in this environment I just feel like I need to be more. I cant get away from people. I cant even go out to lunch without people taking my picture and posting it somewhere online. I know thats a part of you. I know you're used to it but I’m not.” You took another breath. “I don't want to leave...I really don't. But Harry I cant go on like this. My body feels like its giving up and I-”

You were crying. You wanted Harry to understand. He pulled you into his arms and cuddled you closely. “I understand.”

“You do?”

“(y/n) I want you to be okay...I want us to work and if you need a break from this...well I am going to support that...”

“Youre not mad? You don't hate me?”

“I could never hate you. I don't want you to be stressed out all of the time. I want my happy, smiley, goofy, girl back. I want to see you stuffing your face with cookies and fighting me for the last piece of pizza.” You laughed and nodded. “If going home helps bring that back, I’m all for it. And I’m sorry I’ve been absent...I should have spent more time with you.”

“It’s okay...I know you're busy.”

“Thats not an excuse though...”

You kissed him softly and smiled. “I think-I think I want to go home tonight.”

He nodded and nuzzled your cheek with his nose. “Then we will get on a plane tonight.”

“We?”

“I cancelled the last few shows of the tour...you're more important. I want to be home with you...I want to make sure youre okay. I want us to get back to where we were. If I have to take some time off, then thats worth it to me.”

You smiled but shook your head. “But the fans?”

“They will understand...”

“Harry.”

“(y/n) Its not negotiable.... We are going home.”

You nodded. “Let’s go home then.”

---

This was a request. Idk how I feel about it yet lol

xoxo

#Harry Styles #harrystyles #harry styles fanfiction #directioners #one direction #one direction fanfiction #one direction imagines #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines

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bleepblopbloop56 · 5 years

Text

Discovering the Soul

Okay guys heres the deal i mightve already posted this forever ago but i cant find it and im pretty sure it only got like 2 likes so were trying this again.

Warnings: panic attack, crying, soulmate au

---

Virgil didn’t have a soulmate. Not really a surprise. A lot of people didn’t have soulmates, it was fairly common actually. Only about 75% of the population actually HAD the black stains on their skin, showing the first place their soulmate would touch them. Some people never find their soulmates, and that was fine. People still continued dating and getting married, even with people they knew weren’t their soulmate. Sometimes soulmates just didn’t exist, and that was okay.

What wasn’t okay was the stigma around not having a soulmate. In schools kids were often bullied for not having one, leading to higher risk of mental health problems in people without them.

The way that soulmarks work is simple. From the moment you’re born a black stain appears on your skin, the first time that your soulmate touches you will be in that place and you’ll know because the mark bursts into color. Most people had them on their hands, signifying a handshake, an accidental brushing of hands, a slap in some cases.

His friend Logan had one covering most of his back. His friend Roman had the usual hand one, covering the bottom an some of the top half of his fingers. Dee had one looking suspiciously like a bitch slap... Perhaps the soulmark shaped the person. Maybe if Dee had a different soulmark he wouldn’t act like such an ass all the time, practically begging to be slapped by someone. Maybe Logan wouldn’t be so observant if he wasn’t always sitting with his back towards the wall, watching the place, because he didn’t WANT a soulmate. Maybe if Virgil had a soulmark he’d be happy. Maybe he wouldn’t cover up every inch of his skin so people on the street wouldn’t know about his fate, maybe he’d actually let people touch him instead of jerking violently at even the wind, if it dares to get too close.

Maybe if Virgil wasn’t so closed off he would’ve known sooner…

---

God how Virgil wished this would just be a normal day. How he wished he could turn back time and just, make things better. Patton was running just a bit too fast down the school’s hallway, Logan was walking a bit too slow to carry on a conversation outside of Virgil’s classroom. And suddenly, Logan’s back was slammed into by Patton’s chest, knocking them both over in the process. Logan gasped, but not in pain, and frantically tried feeling at his back. Patton took a minute more to realise what was happening, to even realise that had hit someone and fell.

“Logan?! Are you okay?!” virgil helped him up and tried his best to ignore the growing crowd of people. Logan didn’t seem to notice, or if he didn’t, he didn’t care.

“Check, please check” logan panted out, still not quite being able to grasp the situation. Virgil grimaced as he pulled the back of Logan’s shirt up and sure enough, his previously black stained skin was now covered in bright shades of blue, standing out against the rainbows. Patton was frantically pulling at his own collar, pushing it down just enough to expose the bright rainbow colors of a newly found soulmate.

“Oh my goodness!!!!” patton squealed jumping up and nearly tackling logan in a hug. And for the first time any of them have ever seen, logan laughed. He actually laughed as he wrapped his arms around patton and hugged him back. Sure, him and virgil had been friends for a while and he had seen logan chuckle, but this was different. This was a full blown laugh. Logan was happy. The local “i don’t need a soulmate” emotionless robot had seemed to completely forget his disinterest as he grabbed on tight to the happiest person in the world. Patton had tears in his eyes as he laughed too. Of course the goofiest, most clumsy boy in school ends up with a boy like him.

Virgil felt sick. He always heard that seeing someone get a soulmate was beautiful, “almost as beautiful as meeting your own” apparently. But seeing his best friend so happy, hugging a boy with a rainbow chest, it was just another reminder that of course virgil didn’t have a soulmate, and of course his best friend did.

---

Everyone always thought roman would be one of the many people to not notice when their soulmark changed colors. Too many people brushed against each other in a crowd, never to be seen or heard from again. Most people assumed that since he did such vivid arm movements when he talked, expressing himself much like a cartoon, he’d end up somehow slapping someone who sat to close and not realising it.

“How could i ever not realise i touched my soulmate?! Its my true love i think i would know!!” princey said, wildly gesturing with his fork accidently slapping someone with a piece of chicken before plopping it into his mouth, completely oblivious.

“Are you 100% certain you would notice?” Patton had very quickly been pulled into their group of friends after the whole soulmate incident. Virgil hated seeing them together. He hated seeing the two together everyday and not being able to suppress his anger and sadness over not having someone to make him that happy. Almost everyone was surprised that logan “i don’t want a soulmate” berry was nearly constantly holding hands with patton foster and almost everyone could admit that he looked happier after they met. it made virgil sick.

“I’m just saying if this nerd found a soulmate before me something must be wrong with fate!” the conversation faded out as virgil stared off into space. All this soulmate talk never failed to make virgil uncomfortable. They knew he was still there right? He was snapped out of his thoughts by a grape smacking him straight in the face.

“Yo, stormcloud, you good?” roman never really was good at comforting, or being nice for that matter. He tended to upset people without meaning to with his mannerisms and jokes and nicknames. Half the school hated him and he had no idea what he did.

“Yeah, fine” virgil replied darkly, hiding a bit more behind his jet black bangs. He knew it was irrational to be angry at the group, none of them were responsible for his lack of soulmate. That was all his fault for being born wrong.

“I’m going to the bathroom” he choked out, leaving the table with tears in his eyes. Maybe he could just skip the rest of the school day. Then he wouldn’t have to see any godforsaken soul couples with their hand holding and forehead kissing and reminders of how virgil would never have that.

---

Maybe if he hadn’t come to school today none if this would’ve happened. Maybe if he just stayed home his life would forever be different.

Maybe if he’d just stayed home he wouldn’t be having a panic attack with Roman prince sitting in front of him trying to calm him down.

“I can’t- i can’t- I can’t- I cant-” his breath came in violent hiccups as he reached into his hair and started to pull. Roman had never seen him so torn up over something so small like a kiss on the cheek. It was like the littlest things set him off anymore.

“please try and breathe Virgil, come on, deep breaths” he had no idea what he was doing and just prayed that he helped him in some way. Virgil shook his head and violently jerked away from Romans hand when it reached out to touch him.

“it’s not- it’s not fucking fair! It’s not fair it’s not fair” Virgil cried, curling in on himself, crying so hard he could puke. It wasn’t fair that other people got to be happy when Virgil didn’t. It wasn’t fair that Virgil got called names and pushed around just because he didn’t have a soulmate. It wasn’t fair.

Roman was desperately trying to calm down the boy in front of him, resisting the urge to just hug him and hold him tight. But Virgil didn’t like touching. And he definitely didn’t want to be touched now when he was freaking out over soulmates, when he was panicking.

But his hands were pulling at his hair, he was going to hurt himself if he didn’t stop soon.

Roman weighed his options and decided that he’d help calm him down after he made sure he was safe.

“Virgil please..” Roman reached his hand out to pull virgils hands away from his scalp, but Virgil jerked his away, trying to avoid contact, and left romans hand nowhere to go but in his hair.

And it was so much more beautiful than they could’ve ever imagined. It felt like Sparks and birthdays and puppies and love. All the negative emotions drained from them immediately, leaving them both gasping at the sudden change. Virgil’s hair burst into colors, shades of purples and blues outshining the rest.

“but… I thought I didn’t..” Virgil shot up from the floor and ran to the mirror. Hoping ad begging that he wasn’t just imagining the feeling. And he was more than overjoyed that his edgy vibe was brutally murdered by his now rainbow hair.

And he smiled. He smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled. He finally understood why couple’s acted the way they did when they met their soulmate. Why Logan was laughing, why Patton was crying, why even if you met in the middle of a tragedy you couldn’t help feeling like it’d all be okay. It was all so much love that left no room for pain or negativity. And then Virgil was crying, this time tears of joy.

“dude..” Roman whispered before jumping to his feet,“ DUDE!!!! Your hair!!! My hand!! Oh my God oh my fucking God look!!!” Roman gestures wildly towards his own hand, bouncing up and down like a middle schooler.

And then Roman was close, and closer, and then they were hugging and everything was electric. Romans head was nestled into Virgil’s hair, and it felt perfect. He placed a kiss right on the top of Virgil’s head, and it was fireworks all over again.

“is this how it’s gonna feel Everytime we touch?” Roman whispered, more to himself than anything, “ cause I’m never letting you go”

“Never let me go…”

#thomas sanders #sander sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #logicality #prinxiety

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selfshipping-baby · 4 years

Text

Super self indulgent Obey Me! fic

Be gentle with me, I don’t write often and haven’t in a very long time. This is part one! I might post other parts but I kinda wanted to get this out there. If it’d be more enjoyable for you to read without my name I’d be okay changing it to MC and taking out pronouns. Thank you for reading!

The Boys are Worried!

Investigation Team (6)

Mammon: Guys have any of you heard from Kenzie today? I've been texting her and I even sent her a meme and she hasn't responded. I'm worried.

Mammon: Also DO NOT add Lucifer to this chat

Beel: Maybe she's in the kitchen

Asmo: Oh no! I hope my dear sweet Kenzie is okay!

Asmo: Also I highly doubt she's in the kitchen Beel, you would have seen her.

Mammon: c'mon guys this is serious what if she got sick of us and went back to the human world 😭

Levi: I can see her online on DevilStation so she's still here lol

Belphie: she probably fell asleep watching something….

Mammon: WHAT!?!? if she's online then why didn't she respond to me????

Asmo: I just messaged her too and she didn't respond. Oh dear.

Levi: haha maybe she doesn't like you guys anymore lmao.

Satan: Why don't you just knock on her door and ask..?

Beel: oh

Asmo: huh

Levi: Galaxy brain Satan rofl

Mammon: IM COMIN KENZIE

----Lucifer has been added to the chat----

Lucifer: I caught Mammon running in the hall and made him tell me what was going on. He has made it clear to me that everyone is worried about Kenzie.

Lucifer: Even though you are worried about her, barging into her room uninvited is not only extremely rude but also an extremely stupid idea. Because of that, I assume that this was all Mammon's idea. What we need to do is be respectful, humans are fragile.

Asmo: We get it Lucifer! Relax! I know what's going on with Kenzie. Everyone can relax I know exactly what she needs~

Mammon: Asmo you keep your hands off of Kenzie or I'll uh… I'll beat you up! 😤

Levi: Fight fight fight!

Lucifer: Enough! All of you! I'm going to Kenzie's room right now to get to the bottom of this

I glance over at my phone sitting on the nightstand, lighting up with yet another notification from Mammon. Maybe I should respond, he seems worried. I just don’t have the energy for communication right now. I sigh and pull my blanket up over my shoulder, returning my focus back to the screen. I’m not even sure what’s playing now. I’ve been napping on and off all day. After a few minutes the show ends and the message on the tv displays “Are you still watching?”. I grumble and sit up, hunched over on the edge of my bed. My face feels dirty and my hair is definitely a mess. I’m wearing a t-shirt that’s 3 sizes too big for me and comfy sleep pants. “Self care day” I keep telling myself but I’m not really taking care of myself am I. Oh well. Maybe it’s time to take a shower and change my clothes. I stand up slowly and turn off my DevilStation. As the console chimes its shutdown sounds a soft knock at my door makes me freeze. There is no way I’m answering the door like this, regardless, I don’t want to be on Lucifer’s shit list if it’s him. I walk over to the door and put my hand around the knob, leaning my ear against it. “Who is it...?” My voice is a bit gravely, I guess I haven’t talked all day.

“It’s me..” A deep, smooth voice comes from the other side of the door.

“Beel? What are you doing here?” I relax a little at his voice, happy it isn’t Lucifer.

“Um.. can I just come in please?” I hear the wrinkle of a snack wrapper, of course he brought snacks. I think for a moment and open the door slowly. Even though Beel towers over me he very gently waddles in with an armful of snacks. “I.. I brought you some snacks. And I didn’t even eat most of them on the way here!” He said very proudly.

“Oh thank you Beel. You didn’t have to..” I reach up and attempt to tame my unkempt hair. Beel walks in and sets the snacks on my coffee table, he grabs a bag of chips and turns to me with his big goofy grin. I can’t help but smile a little at him. I hug myself and sway a little. “So… did you just come here to bring me snacks?”

“Oh! No. I came here to tell you that Lucifer is coming to check on you and well.. Mammon is like.. Really upset. He’s super worried.” Beel said between fists full of chips. My back stiffens and I look over at my phone. I should have answered those texts. Fuck.

“I can’t have Lucifer and Mammon seeing me like this! They’ll be so worried and.. And..” I pace a few steps, feeling the anxiety well up in my chest. I stop and look up, Beel is standing very close to me. How did he move so fast? Wasn’t he just eating chips? I open my mouth to say something but before I can get any sounds out Beel sets his large hand on my shoulder. He smiles down at me, his hand was firm but comforting.

“We just really care about you Kenzie. Lucifer can be really intimidating but he really does care.” Beel wraps his arms around me in a surprisingly gentle hug. He doesn’t linger too long and pulls back from me with both of his hands on my shoulders. “Just be honest with him okay? I know you will, that’s who you are… but I just gotta say it.” He takes a step back and wanders over to the coffee table to pick out another snack. He walks to the door, giving me a smile and a nod before walking out. As soon as the door closes I sigh heavily. What Beel said to me repeated in my head over and over. They really care huh. I didn’t mean to make them worry this much. What am I going to tell Lucifer?

I go to my dresser and pull out some clean clothes, changing quickly before going to my vanity to try and run a brush through my knotted hair. I quickly give up and throw my hair up in a messy bun. As I’m just tucking the rest of my hair into the scrunchy a loud heavy knock at my door startles me. That has got to be Lucifer. I look in the mirror and scrunch up my face at the image. I don’t look as bad as I did before but definitely not the picture of mental health. “Coming!” I say loudly, walking over to the door. I pause before I grab the handle, a bit of anxiety in the back of my mind, I shake my head and open the door. Sure enough Lucifer is standing in front of me. Even with his eyebrows furrowed with worry his presence made me a bit nervous, I feel my face begin to get warm. I’m probably blushing. As always he is dressed very nicely, even his casual clothes consist of some kind of suit or uniform.

“Kenzie.. Why haven’t you answered any of our messages..” Lucifer’s voice was deep and powerful. Everything he says sounds important just by the way he speaks. I take a step back from my door as he invites himself in. “It’s very important that we maintain open communication in this house. You are a human in Devildom afterall.. It can be dangerous here.”

“Well I uh.. I was just..” I start to make up a lie but Beel’s words ring in my ears. ‘Just be honest with him’ I know Beel is right. I have to be honest with him. “I.. am not having a very good.. Um.. a very good mental health day Lucifer..” The look on Lucifer’s face softens and he pulls me into a hug very suddenly. He holds me close and rests his cheek on my hair. Unsure of what I really should do I slowly wrap my arms around him.

“I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day… I wish I would have known sooner.. I could have helped you.” His voice was suddenly gentle and kind, not stern and disapproving like it normally was. It was like Lucifer was a different person. I guess I’ve never really seen a soft side of him before. He’s holding me tight to his body, my heart starts to race a bit and I feel my face get hot. I nuzzle into his chest and tighten my grip on him. I can feel tears starting to well up and a lump in my throat. I really don’t want to cry on him but it feels right. We stand in place for what feels like an hour. I manage to choke back most of my tears. Finally I loosen my grip and bring a hand up to wipe my eye but Lucifer already has a gentle hand on my cheek. I look up into his eyes as he wipes a tear with his thumb. He wipes my other cheek and leans in slowly, and presses his lips to my forehead, lingering for just a second before pulling away. I open my mouth to say something but the words catch in my throat and I just shake my head a little. “You sure are blushing a lot for someone that just cried on my chest.” He straightens up and chuckles a little. “I hope you feel like you can come to me with this kind of thing more often. Or that you find a more healthy way to deal with these feelings.” He strokes my cheek with the back of his hand before turning to the door. “Oh and be prepared. The rest of my brothers have expressed wanting to make sure you’re okay. I know it’s a lot… but they mean well. If they are bugging you too much don’t hesitate to call.” With that he walks out.

Brothers Support Club (7)

Beel: I went and saw Kenzie. I brought her snacks but she didn’t eat any.

Beel: I think she’s just really sad. She looked like she was gonna cry.

Lucifer: I too went and visited Kenzie. I think we need to do something nice for her to cheer her up.

Mammon: First time I’m ever agreeing with Lucifer on something. Holy shit.

Mammon: UGH I wish she would have said something earlier. It hurts me that she’s been just suffering all day alone and none of us tried to help. We just sent her messages. I feel bad.

Asmo: Mammon actually feels bad for once in his life? Can I get a reality check.

Mammon: Shut up Asmo. You can’t even pretend to care about anyone other than yourself

Lucifer: Anyway let’s figure out something to help her. Put your differences aside for day.

Satan: I have an idea.

Satan: Let’s each of us set up an activity to do. That way we won’t overwhelm her. And from my reading into mental health issues a great way to deal with a “bad day” is with distractions and activities.

Lucifer: That is actually a really good idea Satan.

Levi: oh damn Lucifer is complimenting Satan now. What’ll happen next!

Asmo: OH MY GOD THIS IS PERFECT SATAN YOU’RE A BEAUTIFUL GENIUS~

Asmo: I have the PERFECT thing for Kenzie. Oh my gosh I have to prepare

Levi: Yeah I like this idea. I’ve been wanting to play Mononokeland with her more..

Belphie: I’ll help her get a good night’s sleep tonight. And don’t worry Mammon not in that way.

Mammon: You better not. I’m her main guy and you all know it

Asmo: Yes Mammon we all know you have a hard on for Kenzie. You’re just too chicken to actually do anything about it.

Mammon: What! Pff not even! How could I even have feelings for a human jeez.

Lucifer: Yes it is a good idea to do these separate.

As soon as Lucifer left I sat on my bed with a plop. I touched my forehead where Lucifer had kissed me, I found myself smiling thinking about it. I could still smell his cologne lingering on me. It was musky but not overpowering. There was also a hint of the black tea he’s often drinking. I pull the collar of my shirt up to my nose to hopefully get a better smell as I reach for my D.D.D. I clear my notifications and open up a chat to Mammon just as I receive one from Levi.

#obey me! shall we date?#obey me! shall we date fic #this is extremely self indulgent #quietly posts this at 1:30 am #the names were all colored in the original

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niamh-erin-colclough · 4 years

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Covid-19: A Diabetic’s story

***(This is another online story I have written for my portfolio on the current situation we are in. I used this as a blog post also for my other blog site. This is one of my favourites.)***

This was not how I expected to be spending my spring and summer to say the least. Feels like yesterday that I was off to meet my friends, hugging them, having fun and planning all the amazing things we were going to do together that summer… taking every laugh for granted.

I’m 20 years old, and I look and feel healthier than ever, however this is not the case for me. I have type 1 diabetes. My diabetes has never really caused me too many major problems, I’ve had my ups and downs over the years with it, as any diabetic will know, its a bitch… but it has never truly effected me until now. Physically, mentally and emotionally since this outbreak I have been drained.

Since the day I was diagnosed my mom has always told me:

“Diabetes lives with you my darling, you don’t live with it.”

I always listened to this, I never allowed myself to let an illness that was out of my control, take over my life and stop me from doing the things i want to do. And even though over the years I have been in some scary situations due to my lack of care (being diagnosed as a teenager it was hard at first to accept that i was going to have to live with this for the rest of my life) but never have I been as scared as I am now…

Covid-19 is scary for everyone to say the least, the world hasn’t faced this kind of epidemic for years, and never have i experienced anything even remotely similar to this in my 20 years on the planet. As a young woman everybody keeps telling me “you’ll be fine, you’re young, you’re fit and healthy!” little do they know that I suffer with a long term health condition that has changed my immune system immensely. At the start of this whole debacle, I tried so hard not to worry myself, this was until I saw an article online about who will be most effected by the virus. Being a journalist and having a thirst to know everything about everything I clicked on the article, something i now wish I never did.

“The people most at risk of fatality are the elderly, pregnant women and people with diabetes and heart conditions.” — NHS

This was the moment i became truly scared. I had felt fear before, the kind of fear when you watch a horror movie or taking off in an airplane, but this was a different kind of fear. I felt my chest tighten and my heart racing, i couldn’t catch my breath. I remember closing the article immediately and just sitting on the edge of my bed with thousands of thoughts running through my head. I looked back on the past five years on my life and how little I’d looked after myself and my diabetes, being a young women I had started to resent it and almost pretend it wasn’t there for a long period of my life. I thought about my HBA1C levels (the test they do to check your average blood sugar reading over a year) and how they had been sky high for the majority of time I’d been diagnosed. I thought about the effect this will have had on my immune system, diabetes effects your immune system even if you have it controlled perfectly…and mine was far from perfect.

But I remember the main thing that I couldn’t stop thinking about was my family. Diabetes runs in every generation of my family, my mom, my granddad, his granddad, everyone. When I thought about this I didn’t really care about what might happen to me anymore, I cared about what might happen to them.

Two days after this, and after two days of panicking in my apartment in Cardiff — self isolating already — I decided I’d rather be at home with my family through this awful time and I wanted to go back while I still had the chance. I never really know why it is, maybe because I’m a journalist or maybe just because of who I am as a person and have been raised to be, but I’m a realist, I see things for how they are and even though at this point bars, clubs, restaurants where still open, and people were still living their normal lives, I somewhat knew how serious this was quickly going to turn.

Due to my diabetes, me and my family decided to start self isolating anyway, leaving the house as little as possible to protect ourselves. This was scary in itself and all of my friends where still out and about living their normal lives. I felt like screaming “WHY IS NO ONE TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY!!” I couldn’t get over how selfish some people where being, my friends would say to me “well I’m young, its not going to effect me.” What about the other people it will effect? What about me?!

As things rapidly declined so did I, mentally and emotionally I was becoming drained. The constant worry and fear was giving me extreme anxiety and ultimately this was messing up my diabetes even more than usual. My mom had to start ordering mass amounts of insulin, as it wasn’t just me who used it, so did she and so did my granddad. Seeing how worried she was for me broke my heart, and for some reason — even though I knew it wasn’t my fault — I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt that there was this added stress that I was causing because they love and care about me so much.

I had to stop thinking this way though, I suffer with clinical depression and I can easily slip into a very dark place if I’m not careful. I had to make sure this wouldn’t happen, I had just managed to pull myself out of a dark episode and refused to go back to that place again. I was told because of my diabetes that I would have to stay in isolation for at least 3 months, and being someone who suffers with mental health issues the idea of this terrified me more than the idea of getting unwell with the virus itself. So I started to force myself to change my mind set. Instead of being worried all the time and thinking about the awful, scary things that could happen to me and my family, i started changing these thoughts to remembering how lucky and blessed I actually am… Every morning I started to count my blessings instead of my afflictions:

№1 — I’m home, with my wonderful parents who love me more than life itself

№2 — I have a beautiful home, with lots of space and lots of love in it.

№3 — I have a dad who would do absolutely anything to make sure I’m happy, not only during this awful time but in life in general.

№4 — I have a mom who I am so close to, so close that I can tell her anything. Anyway Im feeling she is there for me.

№5 — The most important… Im alive. I have a roof over my head, Im still waking up every morning with air in my lungs and blood in my veins… I’m alive.

I started speaking these to myself in the mirror every morning, to cope with my anxiety and dark thoughts. I could sit here and end this blog post by saying that its worked miraculously and that I have no horrible thoughts anymore and everything is fine, but that would be a lie. I still wake up in the middle of the night panicking, I still cry randomly throughout the day -sometimes more than once- when things get to much, I still worry myself sick, but I also now am reminded of just how lucky I still actually am. There are some people out there at the moment who have hardly any hope at all, who aren’t as lucky as me to have a wonderful loving family and a beautiful home to go through this traumatic time in. And sometimes i have to step back, wake up and smell the coffee.

I will get through this, my family will get through this, we will all get through this.

“Diabetes lives with you my darling, you don’t live with it.” — Wendy Colclough

#covid_19 #diabetes #health #mental heath support

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enigmasalad · 6 years

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Weddings Are Just Funerals With Cake

(warnings: transphobia, almost an anti-gay slur, swearing and mentions of hailing satan) Patton was getting married today. This was his wedding. There were beautiful decorations in almost every room of the mansion. Everyone was in a busied rush. People gave him congratulations and were so happy for him. So why wasn’t he happy? Simple. Cause not only this was a forced marriage by his parents, he was transgender. Here he was, staring at the person in the mirror. The person he so desperately tried to leave behind. There was no Patton here. Not in his damned parent’s mansion. No, there was only Patricia. And Patricia was staring back at him. His nightmare with pigtail extensions, heavy makeup and a white poofy gown was staring at him. His stupid mother had dressed him herself. She kept commenting how he was “a beautiful bride” and how “this was always her happiest dream”. “I do wish you didn’t get rid of your breasts Patricia. The dress is slipping down.” She said. “Good. And its Patton.” “Shush with that trans crap. You were born a woman and so you shall act like one. No more of this nonsense. Now at least pretend you’re at a wedding and not a funeral.” Patton frowned at his mother. He didn’t like being “rebellious” but he was starting to feel like a brat. He constantly pulled his extensions out. He purposely smudged his makeup. Heck he let the dress fall. However it was no use. His mother put the fake hair back in. The makeup lady came back to reapply the goop. His cousin pushed the dress back in place. Patton refused to cry. He would be strong during this hell. However his lower lip started to tremble. “You look gorgeous dear. Please just do this for us. The man you’re marrying is a smart and wealthy one. He’ll treat you right.” His mother tried to soothe. Patton frowned once more. “He’s not Logan.” His mother sighed and tried once more. She smiled once more and started getting herself ready.

“I know he looks intimidating, but he had dinner with us a week ago. He’s really a sweetheart.” “He isn’t Virgil.” Now his mother was frowning. However once more she plastered that stupid fake grin on her face. “Have you heard him sing? He sounds like an angel Patricia!” “Roman sings better.” Before his mother could snap at him someone knocked on the door. “Are you ready? The wedding is in five!” someone said. “Yes!” Patton’s mother said. Patton felt his heart beat faster. Nervous sweat was definitely dripping from places. His mother grabbed his wrist and dragged him along. Soon they were at the massive ballroom where his parents used to throw parties when he lived here. The massive dark wood doors were closed. He could hear the 500 people chattering on the inside. On the outside was Patton’s dad. “You look gorgeous Patricia.” He said with a fond grin. Patton glared at him. “I may be a girl in your eyes today, but im Patton. Im a man.” “Shush the wedding is starting.” The wedding march began to play and two butlers opened the massive wooden doors. Patton’s father linked arms with him and began to walk him down the long red carpet aisle. Patton felt wobbly in the white stilettos his mom made him wear. As picture lights flashed Patton wobbled, fell, wobbled, tripped and fell again. Everyone was laughing at him. It hurt so much. His father let him go to stand before his “groom”. The man looked just as uncomfortable as Patton was. Patton pitied him and tuned out the priest’s speech. Instead Patton looked around the room. On his side of the room, all of his family and family friends were there. His many cousins, his aunts and uncles, grandma, his grandfathers, heck even his neighbors were there. They all were smiling. They had proud tears in their eyes like Patton had just got out of drug rehab or something. It made him very uneasy. “Now for the vows. Do you, Edward Olekson, take Patricia Sanders, as your lawfully wedded wife?” Please. “To have and to hold, in sickness and in health?”

Someone stop this! “To love forever, until death do you part?” “I do sir.” The priest turned, smiling to Patton. “And do you Patricia Sanders, take Edward Olekson, to be your lawfully wedded husband?” I don’t want this! “To have and to hold, through sickness and in health?” Help me! “To obey, to serve, and to laugh with for the rest of your days?” No! “To love forever until death do you part?” “I-“ BAM! The big dark wood doors burst open. When Patton turned his head, tears fell down his face immediately. There they were. Logan, Roman and Virgil were here! And whats more, they were dressed in wedding gowns! They had extensions in their hair! They had heavy makeup on! And they looked pissed! “Scuse me! Gay guys coming through!” Roman called. Roman easily power walked through the aisle. However, Virgil had Logan holding on to him cause poor Logan couldn’t walk in heels. Wait, they all were in heels?! Patton started laughing and crying in relief. “Who are you?!” Patton’s father demanded. “Just some gays trying to get our man back.” Logan said. “Yeah it was fucked up what you did to your son y’know. Forcing him to be married like this.” Virgil said while examining his nails. Roman grinned and took Patton’s hands. “Sorry we’re late for your wedding my love. Are you ready to leave a bit early?” Patton nodded and started sobbing. Roman pulled Patton in the best hug he’s ever had in his life. “Get away from my daughter you fa-“

Patton didn’t want to be here anymore. “Let’s go loves!”

Patton’s boyfriends grinned, ignoring the words from everyone else in the room. They were about to leave when Patton’s father grabbed him. However Logan acted quickly. He took off one of his heels and threw it at the pissed off man. While that was a distraction, Logan kicked off his other heel and picked Patton up. With a whoop from Roman the boys ran down the red carpet aisle. While he was laughing, Patton heard Virgil yell.

“Hail satan! Hail satan!”

Outside was Logan’s car. Roman quickly got in the passenger seat while Logan deposited Patton in the back seat. Within a few seconds Virgil jumped into the other seat in the back and shut the door. “Drive man drive!” Logan pressed hard on the gas and the car sped off. As the lovers left, Patton turned his head to see a crowd of people pouring out of the mansion. A grin made it’s way to Patton’s face once again. He kept looking until he felt something slip out of his hair. He turned to see Virgil was pulling his veil and extensions out. “Not to be rude or anything, but everything looks tacky.” He said as he got some makeup wipes out of a bag on the floor. Patton laughed and looked at the men in the front of the car. Roman looked back at him with a wide grin in return. “Thank you guys f-“ “Don’t. It would be insane if we didn’t come for you Patton.” Logan said, looking at Patton from the mirror. “This is what Prince Charmings do for other Prince Charmings!” Roman added. “Pat we’d never leave you to those fuckers. We love you too much.” Virgil said as he wiped the drugstore makeup off of Patton. Patton giggled once more. He felt like he could cry, but there were no more tears left. Good. Patton didn’t like crying. Logan stopped by some fast food place and ordered everyone food and milkshakes. The look on the employee who gave them their things was priceless. “Wait wait can we take a picture of y’all?” A woman employee asked. “Of course!” Patton and Roman replied. So after a few ridiculous posed pictures, they made their way back on the road. Patton sipped his milkshake happily and rested his head on Virgil’s bare shoulder. “Why are you guys wearing dresses and stuff by the way?” Patton asked. “It was to show those fiends a thing or two!” Roman said before sipping his own milkshake. “We figured you would be comfortable if we were dressed like you. Y’know..four men in wedding shit.” Virgil added as he stroked Patton’s head. “It also was to make you laugh Patton. After something horrible like that you deserve to laugh. It’s one of the best things about you after all.” Logan concluded. Patton smiled and nuzzled Virgil. “You guys are the best. You guys are the most amazing boyfriends in the world.”

So Patton wasn’t a “bride” that day. He was a boyfriend to people who loved him the most. And that was the only thing that made Patton happy on his “wedding day”.

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mahbonesmccoy · 5 years

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Valentine's surprise (Severus/reader one shot)

So sorry. I know Valentine's day is over but naaah. Better late than nothing. Here's my one shot of Sevy the bean queen.

In February 14, 2012, I forced myself to work during midnight. I am a professor and I sadly have no time for Valentine's day. I dont even have a partner anyway! During that time, I risked my health just so I could finish my unchecked papers. I've been procrastinating for the past few weeks because of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows! I was sort of... Not satisfied. Voldemort's death is rendered differently and it frustrates me but Snape's death made me weep like a babe.

As I finally finished my work in 2 A.M, there's an odd noise coming from my Garden. I suddenly felt strange and scared and so I grabbed a kitchen knife and sneaked out to my garden. To my surprise, I saw a figure laying down on the grassy ground. He was clad in black and... So familiar. I immediately dropped my knife elsewhere and rushes towards the man to help him.

I accidentally touched his neck and I heard a little noise coming out from his mouth. "Sorry." I muttered and I suddenly realised that my hand was stainted with blood! Panicking, I slowly roll the man to lay him down on his back properly for me to check his wounds and.... I went silent. Am I dreaming? What is this?! I slapped myself so hard that it hurts so much and enough to wake me up but I didn't!

After my self-realization, I immediately and carefully guide him inside my house and put him down on the couch. I can't believe it's Alan Rickman in my Garden dressed as Snape! I rushed to my bathroom and took my medical kit to tend his wounds on his neck. Again, with sudden realisation, he was bitten by a snake. His chances might be thin and I'm no doctor. But I also can't risk to let anyone or the public, in general, see him!

I crossed my fingers during the days I took care of him and hopefully he will be fine. He slept well after 3 days of suffering yet he was still pale and sick. 4 days later, I decided to abandon my sleep schedule again so he can rest on my bed and I can do my work all night long. Unfortunately, I was very sleepy and I nearly slept on my desk if Mr. Rickman or Snape didn't appear behind me, pointing his wand at me with a threatening look.

"Who are you. I dont wish to sound ungrateful but I want answers." He said with his usual deep voice. Panicking, I jumped out of my chair and raised both of my hands.

"Im no threat, believe me. You just suddenly appeared at my Garden!"

"... I see. But you haven't answered my question yet."

"(y/n)"

"Interesting... A muggle. Where's my cloak? I need to go back to Hogwarts." He rushed back to my room and then headed towards my garden and before he could even set foot outside, I immediately put myself in front of him and pushed him away gently.

"Nope. You are not going outside. Besides, the war is over and you can't go back! Everyone thinks you're dead."

"...." He went silent and pointed his wand at me again. "How.. Did.. You.. Know.. About... Me being... Dead?"

Oh fuck.

"Look I have so many things to explain and please.. Dont avada Kedavra me. Im telling the truth. You can even use Legilimens on me!"

"And how in Merlin's beard did you know all about this.. When you're a... Muggle?"

"I told you I have lots of things to explain.. Sit down."

And so I told him that night and he was... Utterly silent. He was trying so hard to let everything sink in. I showed him the movies and the books and I can see he was very angry, but then he bottled it all up.

"It make sense." He said.

"Make sense what?"

"I can't see what's inside your head and its completely black."

He stayed in my home for a year. I enjoyed his company and he surprisingly enjoyed mine too. I was blushing secretly every night time, remembering how he looks good on a white shirt and pants. March 15, 2012, we were sitting together on my couch whilst he was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Meanwhile, I was reading a textbook about histories of Russia. I still need to study more of it..

Snape dropped the book harshly on the table and he suddenly.... Snapped. His emotions devoured him and he cried in front of me. Quickly, I sat beside him and gave him a tight hug which he gladly took it and sobbed on my shoulder. He repressed many emotions and I couldn't comprehend how much it hurts to be isolated and abused.

"It's okay now.. You're fine." I whispered, caressing his jet black hair with my hand as I held his head gently.

"That damn author. She made my life miserable... " He mumbled.

"Shhh. Despite all of it... Harry Potter appreciates you in the end. All is well."

After his outburst, he doesn't look like stressed anymore. Instead, he looked well and finally at peace. He actually smiled at me everyday whenever I talked about theaters, history and what ever interests me. I even convinced him to let me tie his hair and he surprisngly loved it. He didn't really mind staying all day at my house while I was at work. We read and eat together as well and I suddenly had a mission every day to make him laugh which I did successfully. And during christmas eve, we were enjoying our moment together by singing along with christmas songs!

I could not forget the smile on his face while we sing. Then the music changed into a slow, melancholic tone version of 'Let it snow'

"May I?" He said, offering his hand.

"Thought you hate to dance?"

"Not with you at least." He smiled.

I bit my cheek inside as I took his hand and then we start to dance slowly. Goodness, he's out of character and I'm kinda proud that I'm the reason of his sudden change. Out of height difference, we were embracing eachother instead of doing the proper position of waltz. We just danced together as silence engulfs us.

Little did I know... It would be our last moment.

Next day, 10:00 PM, he was standing in front of me, fidgeting his fingers.

"My neck wounds are reopening itself."

"What?! Since when? I can heal it!"

"No need... Im going to be fine. I'm sick of living but you taught me how to live my life rightly. But now... We must part for I dont belong in this world."

"No.. No no no.. You're staying here.. I dont want you to die." I said, standing so close to him that I can feel his breath.

"I will always die in the end. It's what the book says. I know you hate it so much but you can just... Open the book and read all over again. And I will be with you. Not in front of you.. But here." He said, pointing my heart. "And you have Alan Rickman." He chuckled.

"Oh for god's sake, he doesn't know me." I giggled but I still can't repress my sadness.

"Well at least he will remind you of me."

I'm on the edge and his words are pushing me off. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed on his chest. "Please don't go... "

"I have to.. " He whispered weakly, his jaw resting upon my head and his arms protectively wrapped around me.

We sat down together on my couch for the last time while I leaned against his shoulder. I felt like I'm such a sissy for being silent but I still managed to say something to him one last time.

"Leave a souvenir for me.. Will you?" And I, sadly, fell asleep. And the last thing I heared from him is,

"Sleep well.. "

In the morning, I was cuddling a pillow on the couch and I was holding something, tightly and unconciously. Slowly, I sat up and look around. He's definetly not here anymore and it's probably a very long dream of mine. I look at the thing that I was holding and... My heart skipped a beat. So he's real.

His wand.

Fin.

#harry potter #severus snape #alan rickman #fanfic #x reader #muggle #reader #valentine's day

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evswiftie · 6 years

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Tay !! It’s Erica , 23 years old here 💕from Washington state 💕 hope you haven’t forgotten about me, I love and miss you every single day, I pray for you and your well being, I defend you to anyone who talks negatively of you and I promote your talent everywhere I go by playing your music and speaking highly of you. You have so much to do with who I am. The wise words of advice and life tips you’ve given through interviews and your poems and writing in your lyrics booklets of your albums have been instilled into my personality, thoughts morals and value. Your music has been there for me through every up and down, every heartbreak with a boy or when a friend decided our friendship wasn’t worth working out. Every accomplishment and every let down in my life. I’ve danced to shake it off for fun and when we got good news my moms cancer was gone and and to fearless and I danced to shake it off when I got bad news because I wasn’t going to let the bad thoughts take over, even when the cancer came back to Invade all over moms body, were still going to be warriors 😇 I’ve very angrily danced to I did something bad and look what you made me do when it felt like my enemies were stronger than me and I was nothing but weak and being used. I’ve cried in a curled up ball to dear john and last kiss, I knew you were trouble and white horse when immature boys didn’t think twice before saying or doing things and shattering my heart into a million pieces. I’ intensely had “ a place in this world” on replay when I was 12 and it felt like I was so lonely at a new school and didn’t belong. And when my mother would send my sister and I on two busses and ferry rides or planes depending on how far away we lived at the time to go to our visitations with our biological dad. Fearless got me through a lot, my wonderful mom really helped build my sister and I up to be independent. You’re the soundtrack to my life and the best role model any girl could ask for and I loved meeting you in loft 89 Seattle and im so sorry I didn’t tell any of this to you in person because my mind was racing and I just blurt out anything that came to mind. but seeing and hugging you up close meant so much to me and I fear you’ll never actually know how much you mean to me.  I just want to thank you for being a light in my life especially at all the 7 times in concert I’ve seen you and I can’t wait to see you 6more times (hopefully everything works out!) ! below here is a list of the shows ill be at and with who ! i REALLY miss you and would love to meet you again if thats okay with you and if not i totally understand if you have to give the opportunity to other fans, just thought id throw the idea out there. I’ve been through so much since we met and id love the opportunity to hug you so tight (i didn’t hug you tight when we met because i was covered in red paint and glitter and didn’t want to ruin your outfit) and i want to talk to you about the things I’ve been through and how your music has been there for me. if i don’t get to meet you then id like to request at least my momma @varelarachel please, not to sound like a sob story or whatever but she was suppose to meet you with me in loft 89 but cancer got in the way, it came and left and its back again, this time its really bad, she had to have major surgery this past march and is in a wheelchair while trying to regain strength and going to chemo. but we bought tickets for her to go with me to the gillette shows way back when tix went on sale before this health stuff happened she most likely can’t go anymore because it’ll be hard on her legs, unless a miracle happens for her body.anyways ill keep you update on if i get to go or not, i was so excited to go because you always make those shows extra fun. but she also has herself a floor ticket for the show closest to us (seattle) she’s has a seat by he b stage but were going to have to figure out how to switch from that to a disability accessible seat …. we couldn’t afford for us both to be in the pit ……so if you could maybe meet her at that show!? you would make her LIFE she loves you just like i do and it BROKE her heart when she woke up the morning of the 1989 show to sick to go.but if you don’t have an extra spot for mom maybe could you show her some love by lurking her tumblr fan page for you ? its @varelarachel. if you’ve read any of this thank you so much for taking the time to and i wish you nothing but the best and i love you endlessly !!!! I’m seriously soon excited to have the tim of my life at the reputation tour and cry and laugh of happiness !! I LOVE YOU

if we don't get to meet because of this post then it would just be SOOO COOL if you just knew how many shows i was going to and where or if you even just kept an eye out for me in the pit in seattle !!

PASADENA may 18th with @g0ldcage we met on our fan accounts for you and discovered we only like 30 mins away from each other!! well be in section 14H row 4 seat 111&112

SEATTLE may 22 ill be in the center pit (IM SO EXCITED !!) and my mom has a ticket on floor 11 row 19 seat 16 @varelarachel but if she’s not able to walk okay by then well have to switch her a disability accessible seat.

DENVER ! may 25th with my friend since high school, virginia ! well be in sec P row 33 seat 10 (I’m so stoked to see you come back to the city you stood up to the horrible person who harassed you)

GILLETTE (hopefully this works out and i can go with my mom but if i go with someone else or not at all ill keep you updated ! just incase you care hahah) friday july 27th sec 107 row 7 seat 15 and sat july 28th sec 133 row 6 seat 19

NASHVILLE !!! ill be wit my girl i met on twitter because of you @thetaylorfan well be in section N row 26 seat 17 ! IM STO EXCITED TO FINALLY GO TO NASHVILLE SINCE YOU TALKED ABOUT IT IN THE FEARLESS ERA

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kirawritesaboutevanstan · 6 years

Text

The anchor in their lives - Chapter five

A/N: Thanks for 250 followers guys xx

Also, this is sooooo long sorry about that, but I couldn’t help myself and I didn't know how to shorten it. It all just fit in this chapter and I didn't want to split them up because I couldn’t be bothered so here is a long ass chapter. And it changes pov a lot which might be annoying.

Also cursive writing is a memory is that isn't clear? this is shit, im sorry.

Summary: When two super soldiers lives get turned upside down, they move into an apartment in Brooklyn, trying to deal with their past and figure out their futures. So what happens when the apartment next door gets a new resident, one who has the potential to change their lives in ways they could never imagine. The question is; Will they let her?

Pairings: Stucky x Original Character Annie (eventually)

Disclaimer: This story may contain strong language, polyamorous relationships and eventually smut, mental health talks( anxiety, depression, PTSD and so on. If you’re not comfortable with any of those, you might not want to read this series.

Interested in reading more of my stories? Well, you can find them right here.

Looking for the masterlist for this series? Well, look no further. It's right here.

Warnings: I don't even know. Cute fluffy broken Bucky.

Word count: 5k (My hand slipped?)

TAGLIST IS OPEN, for this series and my permanent one. Currently, those are the only taglists I have. Contact me either by an ask, message or comment specifying which one you prefer x

Previously...

Chapter five

BUCKY'S POV

“Don't leave me, Stevie. Not for her” Bucky whispers almost inaudible into his neck but Steve does hear him, and his heart does a flip and then sinks.

Steve pulls back a little and places his hand on his cheek, trying to get him to look at him and when their eyes meet Steve does something he never knew he would, something that takes him by surprise but feels natural at that moment.

He leans in and ever so softly presses his lips to Bucky’s, and even more unexpected Bucky kisses him back. His lips react to him, and the kiss deepens. Their warm mouths exploring each other for the first time. Bucky grips Steve’s t-shirt and pulls him into him, and he grabs his neck deepening the kiss further.

Steve pulls back ever so slightly to mumble “I’m yours if you want me” against his lips and Bucky growls, grabbing his neck and pulling him into him again slamming his lips to Steve’s in an angry kiss that is all teeth and tongue. Their tongues dance with each other until Bucky suddenly pulls back, pushing Steve away from him so hard that he stumbles.

“Get out” He snaps, and Steve’s head is spinning around at the sudden change.

“What?” He asks in confusion, and Bucky repeats it this time louder.

“GET OUT!” Steve’s heart breaks into a million pieces in his chest as he walks out of the room not looking at him.

The memory of last night spins around his head like a broken record playing over and over again. It makes Bucky feel dizzy and nauseous. He was also baffled about what had possessed him to, first of all, let Steve hug him and even crazier kiss him. His best friend had kissed him, and all he wanted was to kiss him harder and never stop. He felt sick to his stomach, not because of the kiss but because of Steve's expression when Bucky shoved him back and told him to get out. He had never seen him so broken and sad, and Bucky wanted to hurt himself for being the reason for his pain.

God, why was he such a fucking mess? He didn't know what to do with himself.

He wanted to grab Steve and kiss him again, but he also wanted to run away and never see him again out of embarrassment and guilt. But he settled with neither one of them instead he pretended it never happened.

When he saw Steve in the kitchen like always, he felt the guilt burn inside, but he pushed it down greeting him like he always did to which Steve sighed and greeted him as usual.

STEVE'S POV

Bucky seemed unaffected by last night which stung a lot more than Steve would like to admit. He quietly walked out to sit on the balcony watching over the city seeming without a care in the world.

Today was Steve's first day off since he had gotten his promotion, and he had promised to spend it with Bucky who now seemed a lot more interested in being alone than to be in his company. Steve was about to walk out to him when he heard a knock on the door. Instead, he walked out to open.

Annie was standing there wearing a grey sweatshirt and pajama pants with little pineapples on them, she had an apologetic smile on her pretty face as she greets him.

"Hi, Steve. Um, I didn't wake you did I?" Steve smiles softly at her.

"No not at all, what's up, Annie?" She grimaces and plays with her fingers looking up at him those big brown eyes staring into his soul, and he feels the warmth creep back underneath his skin completely overshadowing last nights heartbreak and replacing it with butterflies.

"Well, um, I was kind of hoping that you knew how to fix my radiator. I asked the landlord, but he claimed that he's too busy and that I have to it myself, which I would if I knew how." Annie rants her cheeks getting all flushed and pink, which Steve finds utterly endearing.

"Uh, sure. I'm not the handiest of guys, but I can take a look." Annie's eyes light up, and Steve realizes that he is willing to do just about anything to see her like that. He has it bad for her which only confuses him more. Because what about last night? He had kissed Bucky, and he could try and pretend it hadn't happened as much as he wanted, but that didn't change the fact that it did happen which left Steve confused and hurt.

"Are you okay?" Annie asks pulling him back to reality, and he remembers that he was talking to her.

"Uh yeah, M' fine." Annie nods a little uncertain, but she doesn't push the matter further. Instead, leading him to her apartment.

Her apartment is impressive, the layout is the same as theirs, but the interior is so different. Instead of the various brown colors that filled theirs, she had a lovely mixture of bright and light colors. Her walls were covered with beautiful paintings or cut-outs of what looked to be old newspapers or books. Speaking of books, she had a whole bookcase that covered an entire wall filled with books. She had this charming old red chair with a vintage lamp above it, it looked very similar to one Steve had in his childhood home. The spot was perfect for reading and judging by the stack of books and a mug of coffee that was probably what she used it for.

She had a decent size tv but no DVDs he noticed, in front of a small brown couch that had a ton of pillows and blankets on it.

Her apartment was beautiful, a bit messy but that was to be expected from someone who had only just moved in about a week ago.

He followed her down a hall into what must be her bedroom.

In the middle of the room, a huge bed stood in front of a maroon colored wall. Annie walked over to the radiator that must be the problem picking up a box of tools and grinning wide at him.

"I have a toolbox that I don't know how to use. My dad insisted on buying me one. Claiming that any respected woman has one, so yeah now I do but no knowledge of how to use anything in it.” Annie explains laughing, and Steve smiles at her.

“Clever man.” Steve points out, and Annie looks a little sad when she replies. "Yeah, he was.” but then clears her throat and moves to sit on the bed. Steve walks over to the radiator and prays that he knows how to fix it.

Turns out he did know how to fix it and actually managed to do so rather quickly, but he had started talking to her about the forties, and she got so excited that Steve couldn't bring himself to tell her that he was done, so instead he pretended to work on it whilst answering all her questions. It was a nice distraction as well, and a very welcome one. He enjoyed talking to her and found himself relaxing and letting his guard down around her very quickly.

The nagging feeling of hurt crept back into his mind, and he found himself having a hard time focusing, Annie noticed of course.

"Are you sure you're okay? you seem a little sad." Her brown eyes stare into his with such kindness and warmth, also a little worry, that he feels overwhelmed for a moment. He never expected him to open up to her so easily, but the words seemed to stumble out of him before he could stop himself.

"I kissed Bucky last night" Her eyes widened in surprise, but quickly returned to their normal size and yet he still only found concern and kindness in them.

"And that's a bad thing?" she asks, not sure how to read him. Steve sighs and walks over to sit down next to her. She turns to face him, and he meets her eyes.

"I don't know. I don't even know why I did it." Annie frowns a little, lost in thought for a moment before asking.

"Did he respond badly?" Steve nodded before elaborating.

"Not at first, he kissed me back but then out of nowhere he shoved me away and told me to get out. And now he acts as if it never happened and I don't know what to do." He huffs and continues "I don't even know why I'm telling you this." Annie reaches out and grabs his hand in hers, her brown eyes looking up at him and he feels the butterflies again, which only confused him further. Steve looks away, and Annie squeezes his hand.

"It's okay Steve. I'm not judging you. You two have a lot of history. And I can't say that I'm surprised." Steve's eyes widen in shock, and she chuckles at him.

"Oh come one, you think I hadn't noticed? It's pretty obvious that you two are more than just friends."

Steve sighs "Honestly, I don't even know what we are. It's so messy and confusing. Sometimes he looks at me, and I think that maybe he wants to kiss me but then the next moment he is distant and cold. I don't know what to do with that."

"I'm sorry. I wish I had some good advice, but I'm afraid I'm pretty lousy when it comes to anything love related" Steve meets her eyes, and he smiles softly at her.

"It's fine. I don't know why I told you."

"I'm glad you did Steve. It means a lot to me that you did." She smiles at him, and he can't help but smile back a little.

"I should get back. Bucky can't be alone for too long." Annie looks down at her watch and curses at how many hours had passed without her noticing.

“Shit I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have kept you here.”

“It’s fine, it's not your fault,” Steve reassures her and holds onto her hand until he clears his throat and she releases his hand.

He gets up and walks to the front door, and Annie follows him.

"Steve" He turns around to face her, and she walks over to him, grabbing both of his hands.

"This might be too forward, but I'm going to say it anyway. I have early classes which means that I'm usually done around 11 every day. That means that, if you and Bucky want it, I could come over and keep him company while you are at work. I spend that time doing my homework but I can do that anywhere, so I could easily do it over there instead. And who knows maybe get to know him." That took Steve by surprise.

"You would do that?"

Annie smiles and gives his hands a squeeze.

"Sure, I mean if it could help. I imagine it can't be easy knowing Bucky is alone all day if he hates it so much."

"It's not that he hates it really, it's more that it makes him panic and freak out that's the problem. I think he feels abandoned."

Annie nods and chews on the inside of her cheek.

"I can't imagine going through what he has, but I want to help if I can. I like you Steve, and I want to help if you will let me."

Steve's heart swells, and he feels whatever he feels about her grow stronger.

"That would be amazing Annie. Thank you. Is tomorrow too early?"

Annie lights up and shakes her head "Tomorrow is perfect."

"Great and uh thanks for listening," Steve tells her with sincerity lacing his words, and she grins at him.

"Anytime Steve. And thanks for fixing my radiator." He walks out of the door but she calls his name, and he turns to face her. She is standing in the doorway with a serious look on her face.

"Talk to him. Tell him how you feel Steve." And with that, she waves and closes the door.

Steve stands there dumbfounded for a few moments before gathering himself and walking home.

Next day:

“No way” Bucky growls, his shoulders tense.

“Come on Buck, this might be good for you, you know? Seeing other people, it might even be healthy for you.” Steve argues, but he keeps shaking his head.

“I'm not some kid that needs a babysitter Steve” He snaps at him, and Steve sighs, taking one step closer to him.

“I know Buck. That’s not what this is.”

“Oh yeah?” He challenges him taking a step back away from him.

Ouch, that stung a little.

“It’s not like that, Annie is being nice and offered to keep you company. She isn't here to babysit you. I know how much you hate being alone and this is a way to avoid that.”

Bucky shakes his head again like a stubborn kid making Steve sigh, he is tired of arguing and he has to leave for work.

“Well, too bad because she is coming over at 11:30 so you better behave.”

That gets Bucky’s attention, and he scowls at him.

“And I don't get a say in this?” Steve shakes his head.

“It kind of sounds like she is my babysitter then. Why are you doing this to me?” He complains sending him an angry and anxious look.

“Because it will be good for you to make some friends and Annie is very nice. You two will get along great Okay? Just please behave. And try not to scare her off” He says as he walks over to the door, Bucky still scowling pursing his lips.

“Buck” He looks over at him. “I’ll be back later okay, give her a chance and if it’s awful after a few days, I will drop it okay? Just please try.” Bucky takes a deep breath and nods.

BUCKY'S POV

At 11:36 he hears a careful knock on the door, and he stops in his tracks having paced back and forth all morning counting down the minutes until this very moment happened. The one that had made him feel even more anxious than he had in a long time.

He slowly approached the door with careful steps, unlocking it and opening it.

Annie stands on the other side a bright but kind of shy smile on her face.

“Hi, It’s Annie. Your neighbor” She says sounding nervous.

“I know” He responds but doesn't move.

“Can I come in?” She asks, and he opens the door fully letting her pass him.

He follows her taking her appearance in.

She was wearing flowy black floral pants, the pants leg wide and move with every step she took. She was wearing a black and shirt with a white collar tucked into the waistband above her belly. And black vans, her hair was pulled up into a ponytail. She was carrying a yellow backpack, which she placed on the couch and stood there for a moment before she turned to face him.

“So, what do you like to do?” She asks him smiling at him. Bucky sighs internally and walks past her out into the balcony, leaving her in the living room confused and a little hurt.

ANNIE’S POV

It's been two hours since she arrived at Steve’s and Bucky’s place in the hopes of getting to know the supersoldier but so far he had ignored her every attempt, and she ended up walking inside leaving him alone on the balcony. He did not seem interested in talking to her and refused to answer her questions.

So here she was, alone on the couch working on an assignment trying to convince herself that he would warm up to her eventually although he made it very clear that she wasn't really wanted. Steve had given her his number and texted her a little while ago asking how it was going, she had to tell him that he was refusing to talk to her and he just replied with “Give him time, he wants this. He is just shy.”

She somehow doubted he wanted this at all, it felt more like Steve had forced him into his to please her and she felt kind of guilty.

She heard movement behind her and saw Bucky standing in the kitchen looking out of place and if possible, even more, uncomfortable than she felt. He had an angry little pout on his face, he looked kind of adorable actually, as he stood there with pursed lips, eyebrows scrunched into a frown and his feet kicking the ground. He looked more like a little kid than a dangerous assassin who could kill her at any minute. He looked so vulnerable that her heart clenched and she wondered who could ever want to hurt him.

He looked around, and his gaze fell on the fridge. Was he hungry? Could he not cook for himself? Steve hadn’t mentioned anything about that. Was she supposed to cook for him? I mean, she would gladly if it could make him like her.

“Hey, are you hungry?” She asks him, and his eyes meet her swiftly, before going back to the floor, he nodded gingerly, and she had to will her excited smile back.

“Do you want me to make you a sandwich? I’m very good at it.” Annie offers and Bucky nods again, and she gets up from the couch walking over to him in the kitchen.

“Okay then, let's see what we have” She looks inside and Steve has left a little note that said.

Annie, thanks for doing this again.

I usually make a BLT sandwich for Bucky, but I thought it might be an excellent way to bond if I didn't. You can find all the ingredients here, but a tip is to ask him what he wants and make him explain how he wants it. That can get him to talk to you if he is refusing, which he probably is if I know him. You can take anything you please, don't be shy to make yourself at home. Mi casa es su casa as they say. There is also coffee in the cupboards, and pretty much anything else you could want. If something is missing tell me and I will buy it next time.

- Steve

She smiled at the note and wondered if Bucky had seen it, she doubted it, she had a feeling if he had it wouldn’t be there for her to find. She puts it in her pocket and turns to him.

“So what would you like to eat?” She asks him smiling sweetly at him, he sits down on a chair and seems to think for a moment.

“BLT sandwich,” He says simply. She nods and walks over to the cupboard finding at least five different kinds of bread and tons of other things, Steve wasn't kidding about the" we have everything you could possibly want."

She takes out all the types of bread placing it on the counter in front of him, Bucky looks at her confused.

“Choose one,” She tells him, and he frowns. He gestures to the whitest type there was with his head. Sneaky.

But she is determined to get him to talk to her, so she isn't planning on making this easy on him.

She removes the other types and looks for a cutting board and a knife. She was hoping Bucky would help her find things, but he merely watches her, his blue eyes burning into her skin.

“Do you want it toasted?” and then internally curses herself for asking him something where he could nod in response. Which he did.

“How many slices do you want?”

“Four” She then cuts four slices for him and two for her, when he looks at her in wonderment.

"I’m hungry too” she explains, and he nods once in response.

She goes to grab the other ingredients and gets another idea.

Turning to face him “Do you want low fat or normal mayo?”

“Normal,” he says. Annie puts the toast in the toaster and goes to grab the regular mayo. She grabs some bacon and prepares to fry it on the pan.

After all, the toast is made, and the bacon is cooked, she turns back to him and reaches for the lettuce and tomatoes.

"How would you like the lettuce cut?" She asks him, Bucky sighs and looks at her like she is a complete moron.

"Some people like whole leaves others cut into pieces, I'm just trying to make it how you like it" She explains ad he sighs.

"It's not rocket science. Just put it together for christ sake" He snaps at her, and she frowns.

"Well, you're welcome to make it yourself." she bites back harsher than she meant it and he cringes practically curling in on himself, and she feels guilty.

"I can't," He mumbles and storms off into his room, slamming the door shut behind him. Annie sighs and leans her head on the countertop groaning loud.

"Great job Ann, just piss off the guy you're trying to get to know. Oh yeah, why don't you hit him as well? That will surely make him open up to you. Idiot." She mutters to herself as she continues making the sandwiches, hoping she can use them as a peace offering.

She very carefully knocks on his door, no response, she feels brave and opens it a little.

"Bucky? I uh brought your food and some water, can I come in?" Still no response. She sighs and pushes the door open further. He is sitting on the bed his back turned to her, shoulders slumped and head down. She places the plate and water bottle on a table and says.

"Bucky, I'm sorry for snapping at you. Please don't hate me. I just want to get to know you." He ignores her, and she takes that as a "leave me alone." So she walks out closing the door behind her.

After about an hour or so Bucky comes sneaking out of his room and stands in the kitchen again staring at her, she looks up and smiles at him. Hoping that he has forgiven her.

“You’re welcome to sit down if you want. We don't have to talk if you don't want to.” She tells him, and he shuffles over to the couch sitting in the opposite end still staring at her. She picks up her mug of coffee that she had made earlier and looks over at him.

“Do you want some? there is a fresh brew on the pot” She offers, and he shakes his head.

She thinks to herself for a moment trying to figure out what he could want. Then she remembers Steve mentioning that he likes to watch movies.

“Would you like to watch a movie?” His eyes light up a little, and he nods carefully. She smiles and turns on the tv looking for Netflix, but she can't find it.

“Do you guys not have Netflix?” Bucky looks at her like she had asked him whether he had eaten a puppy before. She grins and says “Let me teach you the world of streaming movies then.”

As she teaches him how to use their smart TV and signs in on her Netflix account, Bucky listens carefully and observes her. He seems very interested in it and even asks a few questions, he chooses a movie, and she continues working sometimes feeling his gaze on her but never looking up.

They spend the rest of the day like that until Steve comes home before she leaves Steve stops her to ask how it went.

“It went okay." She decided to leave out the yelling at him part for now.

"Although, He didn't seem to want my company at all Steve. Did you make him?” She asks him, and he looks a little guilty.

“Yes, but in my defense, this will be good for him. He wasn't exactly into the idea but I know he will be, he just needs a little time to warm up. Please don't give up on him”

Annie chews on her bottom lip “I don't know Steve. If he doesn't want me there, then I feel like I'm intruding.”

Steve puts both hands on her shoulder looking into her eyes intently.

“Trust me you aren't. If Bucky really didn't want you there, he would have scared you off by now. Bucky is a challenge, but he will warm up to you. Give him time” She sighs and nods.

“Thank you. This will be good for him plus I have a feeling that you two will get along well.” Annie smiles and tells him about the smart TV to which he grins.

“Also, doesn't he cook at all? I mean I don't mind making him a sandwich and such, but he seemed almost scared of the idea of cooking.” Steve frowns and scratches his chin.

“Well, he used to. But he uh, has had too many nightmares about accidentally hurting me or others so now he refuses to hold any knives or anything dangerous.” Steve explains making Annie’s heart sink.

That man really is a broken one, she just hopes that she can help him in any way.

“That explains it. Crap, I might have snapped at him, god, now I feel bad."

"Don't. He is fine, don't worry about it. He deserves to be told to behave." Steve reassures her, and she chuckles.

"Yeah well, he was rude."

"I bet."

A week later:

BUCKY’S POV

He watches the brown-haired girl sitting behind a laptop with a frown on her face as her fingers move around on the keyboard. She makes occasional little huffs and grunts, but otherwise, she is silent. He noticed that she had given up trying to get him to talk after a few days and he couldn’t figure out whether he was grateful or disappointed with that.

He also noticed that today she had forgotten to make herself her usual coffee, which was unlike her. He had spent the whole week she had come over to keep him company observing her carefully, and she always made coffee. He had watched her so closely that he knew exactly how she liked it and for some reason, he found himself in the kitchen trying to figure out how to use the coffee maker. Annie didn't seem to notice his presence being so caught up in her own little bubble.

The coffee brews and he finds the mug she usually uses, he sees the milk she likes and puts it all on the counter waiting for the coffee to be made.

He had done it exactly as he had seen her do it and hoped that it was correct.

A few minutes later and the brew is done. Bucky pours it into the cup filling it a little over halfway, he then grabs a spoon finds the sugar and puts two spoonfuls into the brew before stirring it for about 30 seconds. He then adds the low-fat milk filling it almost to the brim but leaving enough space for it not to spill when he carries it. He then takes a deep breath and makes his way over to the couch carrying the mug as if its the most precious object to him. Annie looks up at him and smiles softly at him as he approaches her, he feels the butterflies in his stomach but ignores it.

Bucky tries to hand her the mug but she doesn't take it, she simply stares at him in confusion. She looks from him to the cup a small frown on her face.

Bucky sighs and tries again, this time more insisting and she understands now. "Is that for me?" He nods, and her whole face lights up in the most endearing smile he has ever seen. She grabs the cup from him and takes a sip before humming in delight. "It tastes fantastic and exactly how I like it. Thank you Bucky, that's really sweet of you." She beams at him, and he feels proud.

"How did you know I like my coffee that way?" She asks him, and he shrugs, he didn't know how to answer that.

"Well thank you. Would you like to watch a movie? You can choose" She offers, and he nods before sitting down on the couch.

Hours passed and a few movies later.

Bucky had been so caught up in the film that he hadn't noticed that she had fallen asleep until he heard soft snores coming from her. He grabs a blanket and covers her sleeping form with it he found himself feeling kind of protective of her. He watches her for a little while until he decides to go to his room he didn't want to wake her.

Way later than what he had planned Steve finally arrives home, he walks in to find Annie asleep on the couch and Bucky nowhere to be seen. That explains why she hadn't replied to his texts telling her that he had to work overtime. He decided not to wake her since she looked so peaceful, so he walks into his room instead. Passing Bucky's door on the way and hearing his snores from the other side he walks into his room and goes to bed.

Waking up covered in sweat and his mind disoriented he jumps out of bed breathing heavily. He takes a deep breath and walks out into the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. The man in the mirror staring back at him looks familiar but also like a stranger.

His eyes wild and wide, hair soaked in sweat and sticking to his face. His mind is racing, and he needs some fresh air.

He walks out into the living room and finds Annie still sleeping peacefully on the couch, he stops in his tracks and instead of stepping out into the balcony, he sits down on the couch.

He observes her, her curly locks spread in a crazy mess around her head. Eyes closed displaying her long eyelashes, her mouth is slightly open as soft little snores leave her lips.

Bucky finds himself relaxing as he looks at her his racing thoughts being overpowered with a sense of calm and his racing heart slowing down to a steady rhythm.

This was new; he never felt anything like that from just watching someone. It was as if everything about Annie soothed his whole being. Slowly but surely started to heal his broken mind and soothing his soul. He stayed like that all night until morning came and he turned on the TV knowing his favorite program was about to start.

ANNIE'S POV

She wakes up to the sound of people talking which confused her immensely. She opened her eyes and was met with a view she did not expect, she was still at Bucky's and Steve's place. She must have fallen asleep, and they hadn't woken her up for some reason. She looks to her left and sees Bucky sitting on the couch all wrapped in a blanket, his hair is a mess, and he looks very adorable and relaxed. She hasn't seen him like that before, and it warms her heart. He is watching something on TV, a cooking program. He seems completely engrossed in it and hasn't noticed her being awake just yet.

He huffs and frowns as he watches the people running around on the screen.

Suddenly he exclaims, rather loudly. "God Damn Jackie, just put the goddamn eggs inside, you jerk can't you see you're running out of time!" making Annie giggle at his expression. His head jerks to the side as he stares with wide eyes at her. She sits up, and he looks to be freaking out, his cheeks have turned pink, and he looks so bewildered and adorable that she can't help but giggle and smile at him.

He panics and is about to stand up when she reaches over and places her hand on his metal hand, he freezes and stares at her with even wider eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Please don't leave." She begs him, and he seems to contemplate it for a moment before settling back down on the couch. Annie smiles and makes herself comfortable as they watch the cooking show side by side in silence.

Fin x

Next chapter...

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things-we-used-tc-share · 5 years

Text

Human (3/3)

“We’re so human,”

Logan hasn’t stopped pacing backwards and forwards for the last five minutes, muttering to himself intelligibly. Roman sat at the table, leaning back in his chair as he watched the other with interest. “Not one single situation?” He asked calmly, although the other looked to be anything but, one hand combing through his hair to try and think.

“Roman, even with the realization that I do in fact experience some emotions, this is the one thing that logic cannot do there is no logic in love,” The prince swallowed nervously, looking down at the table, he could feel his own heart sink but that was not something he could presently address.

“There’s some logic in love, happiness, overall good mental health, building a stable relationship for a family...” He trails off because Logan is not really listening, well he is, but Roman can already see that for every point he makes, logic will have a counter argument.

“There’s no Logic in love, look at Thomas and Patton, the two of them were emotionally ruined after Thomas’ last break up, why put yourself through a risk when it can end...like that,” Roman inhales sharply, he knows he himself suffered because of the last breakup, even Virgil had become overwhelmingly heightened at that time. Only Logan had seemingly remained unaffected. Maybe there was no logic in love, if it hadn’t affected him.

“But there’s also a lot of benefits,” He might be arguing with himself more than Logan here, but he spilled out the words anyway, as passionately as he could manage. “Like...when they were together, Thomas was always happy, his happiness increased his inspiration and productivity, and he wasn’t so anxious which means he thought less and did more, I worked better, Patton worked better, Virgil worked better and because we were working better that must have had an effect on you too,” Logan looked up from the floor, hand resting on his chin as his face drew into a look of concentration. “Which means love does has logic too it because it logically can improve your performance, both ethically and with work,” The intellectual side thinks about this, the seconds seem to drag out as Roman hangs on to the silence with bated breath, waiting for the other to announce his conclusion.

“I...suppose...you have a point,” He sighs indecisively, his hand waving through the air as he turned to face Roman again. “But I still have not felt it, and I wouldn’t even know if I had felt it,” Roman smiles and taps the table in indication for him to sit down. “Have you ever felt love Roman?” The question has weight, Roman’s smile falls and he clears his throat, his gaze tries not to linger on his friend’s questioning hazel eyes.

“I have, for someone else, love feels like...like you’re expecting to see someone, constantly and they’re on your mind a lot, you develop a fascination for them, wanting to know how they work, how they tick,” If they can feel love, he thinks, but this remains unsaid. “Your heart beats fast when you see them and everything they say can make you smile, your empathy levels increase for them and them alone, someone who makes you want to exist, and makes you feel better because they exist, even if you don’t see eye to eye all the time, It’s someone you can fight with and know everything will be okay, it’s someone you can work with even if not everything is perfect,” Logan looks startled, no, petrified as he looks down at his hands. “I think I need a break from this,” He mutters and stands up quickly, knocking the chair over. “I need some air, Roman, I’m sorry,” Roman watches the other hurrying away, almost sending Patton flying as he entered through the door Logan was leaving through. The moral side gives Roman a questioning look, but he can only shake his head in return.

When Roman next sees Logan, he confronts him on the problem, and the intellectual side struggles to make words form sentences for six seconds straight, uncharacteristically stumbling over his words before he finally mutters. “I think there’s a distinct possibility I have experienced and do experience love,” The creative side looks desperate to not beam in response, seeing the panic written across the other’s face. This must genuinely be terrifying for Logan, he reminds himself, in just a few weeks identifying emotions as ones he’s experienced and now something as big as this?

“It’s a good thing Logan, it’s a good emotion to help you counteract your anger,” He places a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “It also means you’ve completed your list of emotions that you have felt, completely, which means it will make it easier for you identify and allow yourself to experience emotions,”

“I don’t like it,” Logan replies, his heart is hammering in his chest, he feels nauseous, sick, like his entire body had given up trying to contain his own feelings. Feeling, the word alone was making his head hurt insistently. “I don’t like this Roman, It’s not...It’s not who I’m supposed to be,” He leans against the wall, closing his eyes as he inhales deeply, he knows this rhythm, he’s seen Virgil do it so many times. Panic. Breathe. Panic. Breathe. Logan felt as though his entire biological code was unraveling in front of him and he were simply trying to grasp at the strings as they untangled from his soul. “I’m not you, I’m not Patton, or Virgil I’m not..”

“Logan listen too me, all of us, as sides, as pieces to Thomas’ puzzle, we encompass more than we were designed too, take Virgil for example, what’s Virgil’s job, Logan?” He knows what he’s doing, asking him questions to distract his mind from the existential terror that was slowly wearing him away into a paradoxical loop of questioning and subsequently, not liking the answer.

“Anxiety, he’s anxiety, he’s Thomas’ fears...worries, the things that make him scared and overthink,” Roman nods.

“Good, but what else does Virgil do that he doesn’t get in the job description, things that he does because he’s also an independent being with free will and his own biological chemistry?” Logan pauses, he doesn’t know how to answer,not because he didn’t have an answer, but because for some reason his mind was giving him all the answers at once. He tries to slow it down, but only becomes frustrated. “He cares, he cares about all of us, he defends Patton when he feels he’s being ignored, he loves us all and Thomas because we’re his friends, Anxiety isn’t supposed to love, but Virgil does love us, and care very deeply for us all, maybe he even feels romantic love, we don’t know, but what we do know is that there are even sides to us, not as complex as Thomas, but there,” Logan exhales a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding and nods calmly.

“Yes, that’s...that makes sense, even as subsets of Thomas’ personality, we have our own characteristics, albeit not as complex or in depth as Thomas’, but there, nevertheless,” Roman nods with a wide grin. “And if I do...feel love, platonic or romantic, that is simply one of those characteristics, not something that is particularly wrong with me,” It clicks in the prince’s head now that this is why Logan had been freaking out. He had assumed it was wrong for him to feel emotion given that he was in fact logic, and that something had gone wrong, that he was somehow faulty because it wasn’t in his job role to experience...feelings.

Roman’s hand on Logan’s shoulder softens with Roman’s expression and he nods before bringing Logan into a brief and loose hug. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” He mutters, releasing the other as he sensed he didn’t know what to do with himself. “We’re all a little different, we have things and do things outside of our normal roles, it’s okay, Logan, it’s normal, nothing and no one is ever that black and white, just like humans, we are mimics of human beings and we were designed that way, our feelings and thoughts, they are human and it makes us better to have them,”

Logan leans against the wall, leaning into Roman’s touch, without thinking his hand comes up to place over the prince’s, seeking that warm touch that had previously stopped his mind racing so much. He inhales and exhales gently, looking over at the other with a nod of acceptance. “Then it needs to be said,” He stands up straight, his eyes calculating as they stare straight through Princey. The creative side swears he can feel his soul move with the other’s expression. “It has come to my attention that I experience affectionate...emotions when in your presence, whilst we often lose our temper at each other, you bring a lot of entertainment to the table, you’re an interesting person and my heart rate tends to increase in your presence and, as Thomas would phrase you ‘Make me feel teeny tiny little butterflies in my tummy,’, I believe that I may love you, it is the only conclusion I can draw,”

If there had been five seconds of his life that Roman Sanders wish he could freeze and replay forever, this was it. “I’m glad,” He grins, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet as he looks at the other “I love you too, nerd,” Logan accepts the hug this time, more prepared as he feels the strong arms of his friend wrap around his lithe frame, replying with his own hands around Roman’s waist. It felt...nice. Good. Enjoyable. He tries not to analyse everything, like how the other man smells, or the fabric of his clothes or the detrimental impact this could have (He does anyway).

“I believe I do love the others, but in a different sense, platonic love and romantic love come with many different factors that I am yet to learn, but romantically, I am interested in you,” Logan elaborates, his head resting on Roman’s chin. The creative side laughs and Logan can feel it in his own stomach. This really is not bad. He continues his internal monologue regarding the comfortableness of his friend’s shoulder and the way he can feel him breathe right down to his own lungs.

Perhaps this experiment had not been so bad after all.

Taglist:

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@mycatshuman

@spectralheartt

@creativity-killed-thekitten

@charmingprincey

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@punsterterry

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@some-lost-meme-boi

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niel-trbl · 6 years

Text

Love Drop

Nurse!Kang Kino AU

Note: it’s been way too long and got inspired by my visits to the hospital, bumping into cute nurses while trying to concentrate on what i needa know for someone’s medication. anw hope you enjoy reading this one! drop me some feedback or requests right here!

kino’s known as the dancing fairy around the department

always dancing at the wards or the play room with the kids

well loved by the patients, the parents of the patients and also the nurses

he’s such a happy virus!!! he spreads so much happiness and joy to everyone

actual epitome of the sun

kids always get excited when kino’s making his rounds to check on them and they love sticking stickers on his uniform!! he lets them do it even tho it sometimes sticks his pockets together

kino being his soft self can’t bear to throw the stickers out so he got a sticker album specifically for them - he treasures them with all of his heart!!

with that said, he keeps every single card and drawing he receives from them too

coz the kids love him alot, they like to give him multiples of their drawings and whatnot which is now overflowing on his desk

he does have a box to keep all of them but even that is filled to the brim

kino is super passionate about the kids’ well-being

he gets heartbroken whenever the kids get a little cough or fever so he will do everything in his will to nurse them back to health

you had recently transferred from another hospital, working under the same department

since you moved to a new area, you decided to make a transfer

sure you missed your old place, the department and the kids, but you felt the need for something new after the many things that happened

so you took a bold chance and requested for the transfer

it was your first day at the hospital and one of the older nurses was giving you a tour of the ward you were assigned to

just as she was telling you good old stories, you felt a gush of wind rushed past you and noticed that someone was running across the ward

“ah that must be nurse kino! he’s always running around, taking care of the kids. he’s a really sweet boy. i think you both will get along well,”

after the tour, it was time for you to head to the play room to prepare for the storytime session so that you could get familiar with the kids and vice versa

you stepped into the playroom and saw the same nurse that was running around earlier then recalled that it was nurse kino

“hi! you must be nurse kino,” you called out

when he turned around, you cant help but just gaze at him

wow he’s cute,,,,,,,,

“hi! you must be the new nurse, cant wait to work with you,” you quickly snapped out of it and shook his hand then started preparing with him

you were glad that both of you were on the same page on alot of things

like for storytime, you asked him if he dressed up as the characters to tell the story

“i would love to!! but the department said it would be too much”

“OMG my old department said the same thing too!”

slowly both of you bond over your love for the kids and whatnot

the kids started enjoying having you around too!!

maybe even switched their favourite nurse from nurse kino to you

“wow i cant believe the kids gave you more stickers than for me. stop stealing my kids!!”

“they’re my kids too!!”

if you’re wondering, yes your playful banters usually revolve around them

because of this and also how both of you always paired up together to do rounds and storytime, the kids called you their parents

not just them, even the nurses, especially the older ones, feel the same way

they’re always cooing about how cute y’all are and that you should get together

but you’re like no no no we are just nurse partners!!!

though deep down you wish there was a possibility of him liking you but so many people left him with secret love notes and confessions

whats even more sad is that he dont realise that theyre confessions, he just thought they were very friendly letters

so this made you drop your feelings for him - what if he thought you were being very friendly as well?

but you were grateful to at least be a great working friend of his

speaking of which,,,,,,,

one day kino came running to you with the widest smile of his girl you almost went jello and said that the department decided to set aside some funds for the storytime session since the kids loved it so much - that means you guys get to make costumes!!!

both of you were so happy that you were hugging and jumping around the ward

your kids who happened to be in the area were confused but happy to see their nurse parents being all happy so they jumped along

that day after your shift ended, you and kino just sprinted out of the hospital and straight to the costume store to find nice outfits for the storytime session

you had such a fun time outside of work that you even forgot that you were shopping for work

both of you were at the stationery shop, paying for the crowns and other material that you selected

“wow are you guys celebrating your kid’s birthday? they’re sure lucky to have you as their parents!” the cashier’s remark made the both of you blush

you awkwardly laughed and fanned yourself coz it suddenly gOT ALL HOT

after that encounter, both of you headed to your apartment to start working on everything to bring them to the hospital the next day

so you ordered takeout, listened to music and talked as you worked on the costumes and props

as you worked, you thought you saw kino stealing glances of you but you weren’t sure if your eyes were just playing tricks with you

in fact, kino really did steal glances of you!!

in the beginning he wasnt sure of what he was feeling

he was like why is my heart’s beating too fast?? am i sick??

he slowly realised that he only felt that way around you and thats when he came into terms with his feelings for you

he had always wanted to tell you how he felt but the timing was always not right

despite that he’s not going to give up until he tells you how he feels

so now that you’re done working on the costumes and props, you decided to work on coming up with the script by going through the storybooks you always read to the kids

both of you sat close with your shoulders occassionally brushing against one another, slowly reading the storybook and brainstorming the scenes together

kino loved this sight of you - your hair strands falling to your face and your brows furrowed as you concentrate

even this way, he feels like he is on cloud nine looking at you

“oh,,, there’s a, erm kiss scene,” you got all nervous and clammy hands

“how should we do this?”

“oh i have an idea,” kino turned to you and slowly brought his hand to graze your cheek

in that moment, he leaned in and placed his lips on yours, you slowly moved your lips in-sync with his

but you quickly snapped back to reality, remembering that he’s only suggesting how to work the scene

“im in love with you,” he rest his head on yours

“erm, you got the line wrong,” you pointed out, pulling away from him

“nope, pretty sure its right coz im confessing to you,” he held onto your cheeks

wow kang kino,,,,,, you are smooth

“well then, my reply to that would be, im in love with you too,” you pecked his lips again

but you’re smoother

#ahhhh its my first time writing for kino!!!#kino scenario #kino scenarios #hyunggu scenario #hyunggu scenarios #kang kino scenario #kang kino scenarios #kang hyunggu scenario #kang hyunggu scenarios #pentagon scenario #pentagon scenarios #kino #hyunggu #kang kino #kang hyunggu #pentagon

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altaieu · 5 years

Text

please refrain from reb/0gging

as im watching the dark skies shift to blues, the sun is rising on a household with one less kitten in it today. i can see no stars out.

amber died yesterday.

we took her home on friday, neck tube in and accompanied by medicine, after a 9 day stay in the hospital. we were going to try our hardest to help her get get better. we’d been making plans the entire time what we’d do with her when she was healthy again; that we’d definitely let them out next more next summer and make certain the garden had no places for pests, that i’d play with them even more than i did now, that we’d get them all health insurance. we bought her the cat bed we’d been lingering over at the store to make sure she had a very comfy spot to recover in. i’d woken up late on friday but i helped my sister with feeding her, giving her medicine. i was prepared to stay up all day saturday to help.

but she hadn’t closed here eyes since she’d come home, and what my sister thought was her sleeping - nictitating membranes half closed, paws twitching like she was dreaming - maybe have been a seizure in retrospect. though she took everything well, at 7 am she was having breathing problems. she was laying sideways on the floor with her little tongue sticking out, eyes half closed. we woke everyone up. we rushed her back to the hospital immediately. we talked about putting her down, and i’m sad we didn’t in retrospect, but we had never lost a cat before and we were so hopeful she could still turn around - twice while she was at the hospital she’d perked up and looked for all intents and purposes that she was recovering. she was such a strong, healthy cat before all this happened, it was hard to think she could just go like that, but as it happened it was just complication after complication that hit her. so we held off to give her the weekend, said if she didn’t look better, we’d be back to sign the papers.

it was not even 5 hours after we’d left her there that we got the call, around 1:30 pm. she’d nosedived suddenly and they tried to resuscitate her to no success - something my sister had said yes to out of reflex, but was going to phone tomorrow to say not to do, to just let her go. we went back and saw her little body. my sister cradled her in her arms, and every time she shifted in her seat amber’s fuzzy ears swayed just a bit and i kept expecting her to shake it off, wake up, blink up at us with those big, warm, adoring eyes she always had. her head was as cold as the wind outside when i pet her and i feel as if the chill hasn’t left my hand.

now my brain keeps playing that still face against those late night/early morning memories of her jumping up on my bed and my desk, smiling at me with that big wide happy mouth, bumping her head against mine and against the curtain until i’d open it and she could look out and she’d wiggle her big fluffy butt right between me and my monitor. her tail would always be straight up as she watched the shifting shadows beyond the glass and she purred like an orchestra. then she’d sit on my lap and make the cutest face at me, and i’d pet her a little, but because she always seemed to do this when i was absorbed in writing or art i’d pat her butt until she got annoyed and leapt off, skittering out of my room and down the stairs with the noise of a horse. i’d always felt a little guilty after that, and last time, in damn november, i’d made the promise to myself that next time she came to visit i’d let her sit on me and cuddle up as long as she wanted. it’s been barely 15 hours and already i miss seeing that fuzzy face pop up from behind my desk, that fluffy butt jogging out of my room. amber, i’m so sorry i booted you away when you were lonely in the mornings and just wanted to give and receive love from me.

there’s so many things i wish we did in retrospect (in retrospect, in retrospect). i wish i had pushed harder for a vet appointment when i first saw her so listless, but i always differ to my sister and she said she had no money for it. i wish we’d gotten all our cats health insurance so it wouldn’t have been as big of a cost as it was, that we wouldn’t have been so hesitant about a vet appointment in the first place. i wish i had convinced my sis to put her down when we were there in the mornning so she could have passed away in the arms of someone she loved surrounded by people she cared about instead of laying her head against the side of a small metal cage because we were too scared to let go of her. i’m so sorry amber, we did you so wrong.

when we were there in the morning a man came in after us, an old old man who looked to be in his eighties or so. he was there about a cremation for his african grey parrot who’d passed away the night before. he had a south african accent, and i heard him talking about how he’d been with the bird for forty seven years, that he’d found it abandoned by someone else. i saw him and an old woman bawling in the parking lot afterwards. looking back i should have taken it as an omen.

when we got back to the house the first time, around 11:30 in the morning, the cats were going crazy. all three were trying to get into my room. i wanted nora to stay out so she could comfort my sister, but maggie stood on my desk for 15 minutes staring with that kitty love face and headbutting me before she fell asleep on the bed by my feet. sassy, meanwhile, was absolutely losing it, running around the house and yelling with her unique, loud “mryow” sounding vocalization, eyes wide. should have taken it as an omen.

its weird to wake up at 3 am today to three cats. a time in the morning when i know amber would’ve come to visit, given her health back. its weird to walk down and not see her stretch her big fuzzy yellow belly into a croissant shape. i miss running around the house with the knotted shoelace and having her run after me at top speed, catching it and then running along with me as its in her mouth. i miss her closing eyes as you brushed her mane. i miss that little orange spot she wore on her head like a jewel.

i don’t think i can do anything downstairs without getting choked up about how she’d lie across my legs as i did anything. i don’t think i can get back to playing spyro or watching xfiles since she was there like that the whole time for those. i don’t think i can pick up arkham knight or aco again since i’d sit out in the middle of the floor for those and she’d come up behind me and bump my back, sit on my blanket, lay across one of my legs as i played.

i worry about my sister who cannot even lie in her bed without remembering amber there, sleeping on a pillow beside her, hugging her with all her legs. that cat got her through an abusive relationship and countless depressive episodes and the inherent trauma of being trans in a world that really doesn’t want you to live.

but like whether she’s in kitty heaven as my parents would prefer to think, or she’s my sister’s little spirit guardian now, or if there’s a kitten born on this day that might cross our paths again and bump our legs and look up, i hope she’s doing good. she deserves that at least, she was the sweetest cat i ever met and she should have got more than we could give her.

i feel bad for the hospital staff too. in her stay there she charmed everyone who crossed her path and they were all rooting so hard for her to pull through. one of the vets had her out in her office walking around for exercise on one of the days she was very perky, seemingly recovering. the one we interacted with yesterday was too kind, waiving the fees for the resuscitation attempts and refunding us the 700 we put down for the next few days of care that wouldn’t come to pass. i mean, we’d already dropped 9k on her and were fully prepared to spend 1k more for that fighting chance of a weekend - and of all the things we regret that is not one of them, even if i know a thousand people who’d call us fucking idiots for it. no cent spent trying to keep her alive was a waste. between all of us, even if we had to go into debt, it was the least we could do. we put aside those hopeful dreams of actually owning a house for her, and all my daydreams of introducing them to the new place.

but that 9k could have been reduced to 4.5k (over the 8 years, putting into it each month) if we’d had health insurance on her. as much as that is, it’s tiny compared to what we just spent and would have given us the reassurance to take her to the vet the moment she got sick instead of worrying about money. please, if you have pets you care about, get them health insurance. here it’s 50 a month but that is nothing compared to the cost of vet bills even for routine checkups which it will cover 90% of, and it will give you the peace of mind that you can go to the vet whenever. the moment a pet starts acting unusual you should take them. even if its nothing, its better safe than sorry. complications can hit so fast and pile up.

i’ll be watching the other cats much more closely after this and - after i have my energy back, hopefully - i’ll follow through on that promise and pay them even more attention and get them even more toys. we’re gping to get them health insurance in january and we’re gonna spent the spring cleaning up the backyard to make it safer for the cats, just in case. when they get into the backyard in the summer, oh, its gonna be real fuckin strange not to see amber’s cute sandy coloured face under the lilac tree by the little pond. i still have photos of her from last summer and remember vividly making myself stupid in the grass to get those upward shots of her.

goodnight little lion. you had all the colours of the desert in you and all the love of the sweetest little earth angel, eager to share it. i wish we could have given you so many more years of care, eight was not enough and eleven is much too young for a kitty to go, but i hope you are warm and basking in sunlight wherever you are.

i could see no stars out until i looked behind the house. there, despite the heavy cloud cover on this overcast day, there is a single star shining brighter than i’ve ever seen before, right above us, right at the door.

#animal death tw 6635 #long post 645

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