#im not even demi or trying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-yearning-astronaut · 5 months

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Do people know there's a difference between:

an aro spec character being "cured" of their aromanticism by their "one true love" by the end of the narrative

And:

An aro spec character who finds one of the few people they happen to click with in an amorous (but not necessarily romantic) way by the end of the narrative

Does anyone understand that aromanticism is a SPECTRUM and that someone writing an aro character finding someone they want to be in a relationship with might be doing so for reasons other than 'curing' them?

And the same thing for ace spec characters! And, you know, actual people.

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oceanwithouthermoon · 4 months

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https://x.com/d3kutism/status/1741579841764475157?s=46

it should be illegal to be this fucking stupid so loudly and confidently omg..

mfs on the internet preach about "media literacy" yet they completely gloss over the fact that the only damn things that kusuo "canonically" is are a tsundere, an unreliable narrator, and a fucking liar LMFAOOO.. babe thats like basic reading comprehension, im sorry..

EDIT: it should go without saying not to send a person hate just because of a silly post like this one(+i dont have any reach anyway so im sure it wouldnt happen, but i wanna say this nonetheless lol) but i would just like to say that i just checked and realized that this person is 15 years old, so like... yeah, too young to be arguing with grown people on the internet. dont take this too serious or send this person hate pls lol..

#nobody who isnt aroace is allowed to tell ME what character has to be aroace #yall forget that we aroaces (+ESPECIALLY autistic aroaces) dont want or need your ugly white knight savior bs #'oh but im aroace n i also think hes aroace🤓' ok?? should i care about your hcs?#have your projection hcs or your regular random hcs- i literalky DONT care #but it becomes an issue when u try so desperately to defend it like this #like babe u sound so dumb☠️#its so confusing to me how u chronically online weirdos insist on making ur hcs canon #i promise u guys ur hcs dont have to be canon for u to enjoy them #its a VERY popular hc too like tf more do u want #im autistic and aroace and i say kusuo is demi and autistic #i am him and he is me so i know factually/j #so still on the aroace spectrum but either way i dont force my hcs on other people like u selfish weirdos do LOL #also this person and the replies being like 'just cuz not all autistic ppl r aroace doesnt mean none can be' YEA OBVIOUSLY?#UR ARGUING WITH THE WALL AND ITS CRAZY CUZ NOBODY EVER SAID THAT #literally not one fucking person said he cant be aroace- just that it isnt canon #do u even fucking hear urselves.. YOURE the ones saying he cant be anything other than aroace.. so YOURE the one doing the forcing..#u guys love pushing ur stereotypes on others and then defending it to high fucking hell #anyway sorry i dont have a public twitter so im saying my piece here #the link looks suspicious as hell twitter pwease give me a better link #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo #meows post

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autisticlee · 10 months

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it kind of sucks when all your friends and family, everyone you know, are all pairing off and getting married and havinf families, except you. you're the only one that doesn't have a partner and probably can/will never get one. especially if one around you has time for you anymore, they never reach out, never get back to you, because they're only focused on their partners and families. you're stuck alone and drift away from everyone through no fault of your own. you have no hope of finding your own partner or no motivation to look for one for whatever reason. the lack of connections while seeing everyone around you having their own can get overwhelmingly lonely at times....

#autism #autistic #asexual #aromantic #these are probably the two factors that put me in this position #im undateable because im too autistic to form any connections with people and cant even make or keep friends around for long #so how would i ever try to date anyone????#and also asexual which makes it harder. and aromantic (not sure what kind if its like demi and i just need to meet “the one”#and form a connection first to actually have any feelimgs for anyone or not sure if I simply cannot experience romantic attraction #either way its a lonely existence in a world where 99% of people pair off or obsessed with trying to partner up #and theres less value/time/effort put on friendships #ON TOP OF being autistic and forming any connections at ALL is an extremely difficult task that seems to always fail on me!#lee rants #lee rambles #im actually visiting a friend and her gf (who is also friend but we are less close) so i know not everyone partners and shuns friends #but they live in another country and i cant visit all the time so it doesnt help this lonely shit feeling all the time D: to have ~1 friend #would be nice to have all the close benefits and of a dating partnership without the physical stuff and pressure of “dating”#if thar makes sense. best friends but life patners. the person is obligated to help me and bw there for me at all times #someone who chooses me first instead of others. someone that doesnt make me their last choice all the time #their very comfortable to be around and we relate and get along perfectly and make up for each others weaknesses #my favorite person and im their favorite person #they usually always say yes to me and include me and im their first choice for eveything #they respect my needs and boundaries and work with me if we have a misunderstanding or disagreement.#its so hard to find people like this. someone who matches me well enough to fit all these picky things i want #someone who would like me enough to be like this. someone im comfortable with and like who fits the energy i want #even if someone liked ME enough and was these thjngs if they arent comfortable or match my energy then i dont want them #im not desperate enough to take Anyone ans im extremely picky about it #being aroace makes any kind of datimg very hard because theres ~less fish in the sea~#but being autistic makes it EVEN HARDER becuase i cant even make and keep FRIENDS so how would i have a /partner/ ?????#sighs. i think im meant to live a lonely life and need to learn to accept it

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wild-moss-art · 3 months

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I’ve been dating and I try not to dress my absolute best for meetups bc I don’t like to be held to that standard but it’s so difficult bc I slay too hard in everything I wear 😔

#ok real tea in the tags tho #im also not so excited about this date. but im just like this so I try to give people a chance #like. im never excited about it. ~just aro things~#not in a demi way even tbh. they’re plenty attractive. im just very picky and judgemental w potential partners #bc I don’t want to trust new people and open up #but I feel kinda bad about how harsh and uninterested I am #I do try which is why I like to give people a chance. sometimes it works out #but I never really want to #aro agonies

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totallynotaraccoonindiscuise · 6 days

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being arospec but not sure where i land has been really awkward like i say demiro but thats not really accurate so i just say "yeah im somewhere on the aromantic spectrum!!" Anyway this bingo felt really validating for me :>

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dittolicous · 5 months

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yknow, as like... a demi person on just like this side of being ace, its really tricky articulating my feelings on shipping as interaction with media without feeling like im bothering others

cuz there is a totally valid 'ugh not everything is about shipping!' stance but at the same time, i feel like maybe a good deal of shippers arent necessarily *ignoring* every other element or incapable of grasping themes or the like, but looking for the aspects *not* found in their favorite medias...

hence why, yknow, tragedies get fluffy aus or fix-its, cutesy stuff gets darker reimaginings, fantasys get coffee shop aus, modern stories get fantasy dnd aus, and things like say shonen series - which usually dont do romance at all or very well but have friendships down pat - get shipping!

(and maybe theres something to be said about modern media treatment of romance that many find lacking so even romances might not meet expectations...)

so of course, if they find all other elements fulfilling, i would say turning to shipping for fanfics is relatively harmless so long as they clearly know what theyre getting into and arent belittling the media for being something it was never meant to be or harassing about ships

for me personally, i turn to shipping a lot because... well i am actually a romantic at heart and would like to find love, and there can be such compelling love stories between strongly built characters! im not going to expect canon stuff to be about it, i just like exploring the things canon wont and probably doesnt need to to tell a well written story of its kind

#ditto rambles #shipping #fanfic talk #i just have thoughts #cuz i feel bad for being such a big shipper at heart sometimes #cuz i totally get how TIRING it can be to downplay or ignore platonic relationships #along with the issue of treating all media like romance #at the expense of the stories that are trying to be told #but if i read fanfics... im gunna be looking for fun escapism mostly #not text literacy analysis (well not ALWAYS lol)#too much of any one thing can be annoying #bur fuck man #i love love even as a demi romantic #and found family of course

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im-traumatised · 6 months

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Is it wrong to consider trying to date if your pretty sure your aromantic / on the aro spectrum?

#Im just really fucking lonely and apparently unless theirs a romantic agreement relationship type crap #Thats not gonna change...#I just feel guilty even considering it #Like i want the closeness i just don't know it i even feel romantic attraction but i also dont know if that matters?#But romance also terrifes me and idfk man #Im just sick of being alone #Maybe if I had more friends and more people hanging with ne more often and if i had family to talk to and do things with on holidays #I wouldn't feel such a need to try dating but idk #I reliase i may be demi romantic but i also dont know ive not been exactly close with many people so its like hard to know if its a possible #Thing or not cause the fee friends i have i don't want romance but that doesnt make it impossible #Idfk im confused and lonely and sad and in sick of sitting on my bed in the dead of night realising i went another week without l #Talking to anyone but support workers and my cat #aceofdragons #vent #aromantic struggles #aromantic spectrum

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gracetoldmeto · 2 years

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@temporarydaydream sent in this question ages ago and I loved it so much that I wanted my answer to do it justice.

Dude, I ate this question up I loved it soooo much, I will be going hugely overboard on this answer because I have THOUGHTS haha

For reference, this is the post...

Also, I know you didn't ask about Matt but Im including him here too (for good reason, you’ll see) and ALSO I am nowhere near as well versed in L as I am with Mello and Matt, so his description may be a bit more brief.

....

Wammy’s Boys and Asexuality Headcanons

(ft: L, Mello, & Matt)

...

L: Aromantic/Asexual (Sex-repulsed)

Oddly enough, L was the most difficult to write for.

L knows that the title of “L” needs to be what everyone thinks him to be. Very little emotional personal life, a need to be perfect or “pure” in a sense (something something Lawlight foot scene and how its a biblical reference yada yada) and a career-focused life dedicated to detective work.

This outlook was likely introduced to him, as well as the other children at Wammy’s at a very young age, but L knows he is simply best fitted to fulfill that standard. He took on the title because it worked for him. He is able to function with less "distraction" than others simply because a romantic or sexual connection is not what he personally values. Only justice is.

Which means he chooses to value refining his skills in his free time, rather than seeing it as work. That's also why Lawlight exists. Light is the only other person able to keep up with L, and both of them value each others intellect in a personal and possibly emotional way. L's values are in his work and no one was ever able to really empathetically understand him until Light. And in a way that understanding and appreciation is intimate enough, especially for L.

...

Mello: Demiromantic/Asexual

Like L, Mello’s lofty standards for self-achievement are reflected in his sexuality. And a big reason as to how Mello is able to dedicate his entire life to his cause is because he does not have to “deal with” the “affliction of sexual attraction” (if I were to put it in his words).

However, unlike L, Mello is not sex-repulsed in the slightest. Well, not in a typical sense. Mello has a pretty active sex life but not for the reason some onlookers assume him to be. Mello specifically and exclusively uses his attractive appearance and sex appeal as a tool and ONLY as a tool. Whether it be to obtain information for a job, or just as a no strings attached stress reliever, Mello has gotten in the routine of using sex for a non-sexual purpose because of the one-up it gives him. It him feel powerful and in control in an area many others would feel exposed.

Consequently, Mello actively avoids sex in his personal relationships because the idea of a sexual relationship has been tainted due to his unhealthy use of the act in his line of work. And that can also be difficult with his demiromantic alignment, if he doesn’t know how to express his feelings. So I think Mello represses. A lot. Which brings me to his relationship with Matt.

I’ll get into Matt’s details next, but Mello is in fact capable of having romantic feelings for Matt, but his actions have left him stuck without a way to communicate that in a way Matt understands. We have an epic stalemate of love languages between the boys and it’s often a train wreck of a miscommunication because neither is capable of meeting the other’s romantic needs without compromise. And Mello already doesn’t do that well.

Mello already does not feel sexual attraction to begin with (even if we ignore his questionable work relationship with sex) and Matt would never dream of trusting a stranger to share a bed with him. They are circles of a Venn diagram that will never naturally intersect.

...

Matt: Greyromantic/Demisexual

Ah Matt. I see him as very similar to myself, so I usually base a lot of my HCs for him around my experiences.

Matt is complicated. He is Mello’s foil in a lot of cases, but in terms of their sexualities, they conflict in more ways than they agree. Specifically because Matt exclusively cannot feel inclined to have sex with anyone unless he knows and feels safe with them. And that is rooted in a lot of trust issues, especially including when Mello abandoned him at Wammy’s. But specifically, Matt would much prefer to feel safe in everything he does, and being in a vulnerable state without trusting the opposite party is just not something Matt can do comfortably.

So when we look at that in the context of his near-lifelong relationship with Mello we run into a massive problem. Matt wants to express his feelings in a more sexually intimate way, whereas Mello actively avoids that in personal relationships in which he is emotionally and romantically invested in. The only way Mello intends to communicate intamacy is in asking Matt for help in his work. And that leads to A LOT of the tension we see between them.

If Matt wasn't complicated enough, his crushes are usually people he knows as close friends, but not always. However the shortest crush Matt has ever had was about 4 months. The longest (excluding Mello) was 4 years and was on a friend he lost touch with after an unrelated falling out of their friendship.

He almost never acts on his feelings but doesn’t exclusively fit the demiromantic description. The demi label confuses him immensely and is the source of a lot of insecurity on top of his confusion and anxiety around his relationship with Mello, so he falls more into the grey category.

...

***I am not an expert in this (I’m still learning) these are personal observations and opinions as a questioning demi if I say anything offensive, please let me know and I will correct it, I mean no ill intent here just well-intended character analysis***

Hope this answered your question! Thank you SO much for asking, I had a lot of fun writing this up <3

fin

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irascible-iridescent · 4 months

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Why is it every time I try to sleep I feel like I want to be loved and Id like at least one chance to experience some real love? Gonna be alright in the morning tho

#personal #i do feel like im on some sort of spectrum bc i dont really care about sex or like romantic stuff irl #but also I want somebody to love me sometimes #I am looking so fat and hot and for what?#but anyway #or maybe Im just really traumatized by my past experiences with love so now I cannot conceptualise it as smth good and kind #bc rn I feel it like some sort of illness like a cruelty like destruction and I can't see relationships in a way thats tender and soft #Id like to have more usual and everyday experiences with relationships I would like to be not this sensitive and move on easily #but I have what I have and I don't mind being alone bc this way I won't ever trigger any painful memories #and no there is no such thing as therapy in my country and even the therapists I tried said smth like Just try to use tinder #so yeah nobody else is gonna fix me #I either will meet some girl or boy who would fall in love with me so deeply that they would want to take care of me or I just live my life #as it is #so yeah maybe I am an ace bc I can live without a relationship or mb demi I have no idea actually I just don't have any feelings

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jigokuhana · 2 years

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gender & sexual identity are so fuckin’ confusing.

can i get a manual for this shit!? i cant figure this out on my own, dammit!

#my thoughts #like am i cis or genderfluid/neutral?#am i aro/ace or demi/bi?#i love labels but i suck at analyzing my own mind #i just get a 404 error screen everytime i try to delve deep into this shit #and half the time im not even sure if im just making shit up about what i feel/think

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mejomonster · 9 months

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Every time I go on a dating app I feel hopeless -.-

#rant #genuinely frankly i would probably do better at speed dating im person but that doesnt exist here #i go on app. i see poly partnered people looking for another partner. i do not seek to be that #i almost talk myself into just trying to be friends in case They know someone id like before i realize #thats a bit convoluted. i see one person actually just looking for friends like me and feel relief #and maybe i could make a friend but i want love i want romance and is pursuing that instead primarily #exactly why im a great friend whos been single for years? i see several men who absolutely did not read #rhat im fucking nonbinary. i see a person whos single and wants only hookups so my demi ass is out #i see a single person with no fucking hobbies jn common who i dont personally find aesthetically appealing #i see someone hot finally and immediatelt wonder what Red Flag theyre unavailable i must be subconciouslt clocking into #ah. yes. theyre oceans away making our chances of intimate long term commitment slim unless we both are significantly interested #and they give one word answers indicating theg dont want to chat. which us the only way i have to build a connection for now.#and then i wonder if im picky cayse im noticing incompatibikities. or cause no one compatible is around on my app #or is it self sabotage? or would Dating a red flag be sabotage?? or am i too demi to fucking do this i fucking hate this #i dont even know if id like someone in 5 months IF they were compatible and single. and then rhe chances of them liking me thay long?#well lers just say ive not yet had a partner ever say they liked me back. i mean theyve lied for several months. then come clean rhat #they never actually liked me and i was just convienient so :/#i am so tired. i hate dating apps. i could probably self sabotage in 1 minute tho and message a married poly person #who cannot therefore marry me and who i cannot be the primary priority of. then i guess that would be self sabotage #cause id So clearly be letting myself crysh on someone unavailable wooh. -.-#jm so so tired man. i jusr wanna crush kn someone. kiss someone. bang regularly for decades.#oh and id Reallt like to fall in mutual love. the awful state of things? mt parents suggested to me #i get with someone i dont like romanrically and just make myself have a relationship #cause i guess they have no faith in me finding mutual love. which ngl makes me so incredibly sad even rhey dont believe i can

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the-yearning-astronaut · 8 months

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As if I need something else to dwell on right now, I'm having a hard time with my orientation again. Like I just.... Idk. I feel like I don't fit in with the queer community because I'm aroace spec but I also feel alienated from the aroace community because I'm demi aroace. And it makes me feel very lost and very isolated.

#like i needed to feel even more like a broken thing...#negativity #demisexual #demiromantic #demi aroace #and not to go all vague blogging in the tags but #its really... [insert big complicated emotion here] to find a character you relate to on such a deep level #and then stumble across some... very strongly worded posts about the Right Way to interpret the character #and that supposed Right Way happens to invalidate your own experiences #specifically the ones that draw you to the character in the first place #and i know everyone's interpretations are (mostly) valid and we all have a right to play in the sandbox #but i can't help but feel a bit of shame alongside that alienation now because i happen enjoy an interpretation of the character #that fans seem to like being very vocally against #and im gonna try to not let it get to me and im gonna put the thoughts aside #knowing ive been up for just shy of 24hrs now and little sleep messes with the brain #but its just... its all too much rn and i feel too broken in too many ways #fox thoughts #tbd

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invisiblyvisiblejay · 7 months

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why don't people believe me when i tell them things lol like whenever i tell someone im ace they refuse to believe im actually genuinely interested in sex even if i directly tell them that i am like. idk how to convince u

#this was an issue w my ex #and it's an issue w the girl im dating now #i promise i want to!!!!#im not even like fully ace im like gray or demi or something like that #im just trying to communicate that i experience things in a way rhat i perceive as different from how other people experience it #but yeah wish people would stop just thinking im flat out lying to them like ????

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capinejghafa · 2 years

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I truly wish if I'm going to continue to see dating ads on this hellsite that they were directed towards my bisexuality rather than here's a men only or women only dating apps... this is starting feels biphobic. But also hun, I would never ask this hellsite for dating advice fhdjdj

#random #i mean the concept of dating isnt even something id be into #i think ive said this out loud to people but like sometimes i do feel like im demi so dating apps arent for me #but also not trying to shit on dating apps lol like i know people who use it and kind of like it?#but generally for me i dont and i really wish it would stop #i said id get the free ads and i didnt but this feels like an attack and i want it to stop lol

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theygender · 2 years

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Did anyone else know that Demi Lovato came out as nonbinary?? They use they/them pronouns in english and elle in spanish

#nonbinary #demi lovato #trying to see if i can use my preferred pronoun elle in my college's spanish class #its an in person class and its conducted in spanish and like #of course id appreciate it if my professor and the other students would use the correct pronouns for me #but my main concern is since in spanish you have to conjugate nouns and adjectives to match the gender of the subject #i dont want to have to misgender myself for a grade...#anyways i was looking up articles from spanish lgbt orgs about nonbinary pronouns #bc i figured it might help if i can show the prof that elle is a relatively well established neopronoun in spanish #and one of them had a tweet from demi lovato coming out as nonbinary #im happy for them #y tambien estoy feliz porque probablemente ahora haya mas gente que esta familiarizada con el pronombre elle #anyways. i think ill reach out to the host of my colleges pride club to see if theyve had this come up in the past and if they can help me #they help people talk to their professors about using the correct pronouns in their english speaking classes so hopefully they can #i reached out in the pride clubs discord to see if anyone else is in a similar situation but no one has responded #even if no one has run into this issue before then at least i guess i can make it easier for the next person #rambling

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tiredqueertranarchist · 2 years

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.

#hes on t and will be coming out as trans (a man) soon #i think deni will come out this year and go on t #spicy cis #venting ahead #just saw some trans men talking about how miley cyrus sounds like #and another one being like #and im like .... they are both out they are literally both put they are trans already like publically trans idenitified #miley cyrus is genderfluid demi is nonbinary #i think miley is probs on T too tbh from the voice changes! idk current prounouns but they have a very T voice i could be wrong tho!#but you literally do not have to be a man to be on t!#and being like outside the binary or being fluid isnt just like. a stepping stone #nor is it just or whatever #its fully 100 percent trans in a way fuckers like you (that is excorsexists those who invalidate genders and experiences outside the s #strict and solid one or the other binary) cant even comprehend #god these people are exactly why i avoided trans communities for so many years #and post truscum era none of these people even admit thats what they are theyll be like nooo im an inclusionist #then everything they say and do shows the opposite. you see me as a phase #you either see me as a cis girl trying to be special or a deluded repressed man in need of saving or whatever #fuck you all so much #i know for discourse reasons itll get me flamed on this site but this is nothing to do with how i think the world is or how it should be #this js my own super biased rambling based on societal and person bullshit ofc #but god does this shit dig at years of trauma and my own experience of oppression #and its hard not to wanna lash out #im just a damn person im sick of representing so many so called groups and categories #they are abstractions thry arent real i am not them they are not me i am real i am concrete #i am none of them. but i am forced to face the consequences intended for those labelled as so many of them. and im just . so goddamn tired #leave me the fuck alone. think about lives outside your own sometimes maybe.#it may be novel to you but god its the only way i can protect myself so have a little courtesy and do it back

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