it kind of sucks when all your friends and family, everyone you know, are all pairing off and getting married and havinf families, except you. you're the only one that doesn't have a partner and probably can/will never get one. especially if one around you has time for you anymore, they never reach out, never get back to you, because they're only focused on their partners and families. you're stuck alone and drift away from everyone through no fault of your own. you have no hope of finding your own partner or no motivation to look for one for whatever reason. the lack of connections while seeing everyone around you having their own can get overwhelmingly lonely at times....

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

hi !! i wasn't expecting to but i've ended up staying awake all night and day to reset my sleep schedule too ~ (altho i mostly stayed up bc i was rlly anxious about finally seeming annoying after making some ~tentative~ internet friends .. the anxiety won this time huhuhu stay postive ! i'm just constantly thinking "must not disappear" lol "no more breaking friendships" hu hu ...) anyways !!!! hope your sleep schedule ends well !!! sleep !! its so good !!! wuv u (´•ω•｀)♡ !!

yesterday I took a brief but pleasant nap ans fell asleep at 9:30 like an old man and got TWELVE HOURS OF SLEEP so that was very sexy of me. I'm sorry you were nervous and couldn't sleep!!

to give you some unprompted advice... I know friendships can be scary and anxiety inducing when you have anxiety but communication is key!! theres nothing wrong with checking in with people and making them aware of your needs! its okay to be like "hey I have a hard time knowing if I'm being annoying or if people like me can we have clear communication about that" or asking if you've annoyed someone but you should also always think before you ask! sometimes it's hard to think about situations logically when Anxiety Brain takes over but it's always good to ask yourself if the person has given you any reason to think you've crossed a line/made them upset/etc. or if it's just your anxiety being mean to you. otherwise, and this come someone who has been on the perpetrating side of this and us not at all meant to scare you or cause you more anxiety, it can seem like or even turn into, unintentionally, a way to guilt the other person. checking in with yourself and the situation also does wonders to just... relieve some of the anxiety! putting on Logical Brain and going okay does this person actually seem annoyed, are they in a bad mood in general right now or does it seem directed at me, do they make an effort to interact with me, are they putting as much in as I am? are all good questions. sometimes if someone seems annoyed and snappy, but is generally positive with you, you just need to give them some space that's okay! I know I don't always wanna talk to my friends if I'm in a bad mood/don't have the energy but that doesn't mean I don't like them anymore!

an additional little gem from therapy today is that you don't Have to stay positive. you don't Have to be okay. especially with all that's happening in the world right now. it's good to have a positive mindset, and its importantnot to Actively seek out negative or destructive ways of thinking/behavior, but you don't Have to be alright. making space for your discomfort and unhappiness and not beating yourself up for not being able to stay positive all the time is important!!! but most of all just take care of yourself and remember that you have value and worth and that people love you!

anyway, you probably weren't looking for all this advice and it might not even be applicable, but my job on this earth is to help people, so here we are. I hope you ended up getting some good rest and were able to at least feel a little less anxious!! mwah

Thoughts on Other Students in 3H

in no particular order

Hubert: evil snake boi, i kinda like you. i just wish there was more actual meat to ya then what there is. still, he does his role effectively and unlike edelgard plays into the whole evil empire thing with more gusto so i ironically find him more palatable because atleast the game isnt trying to pretend he isnt shady as fuck.

Dedue: oddly charming despite his straight laced attitude, he gets some interesting nuance in how well he highly respects (cough loves cough) dimitri and likes individual people from the blue lions, he doesnt have any particular fondness for faerghus as a whole which is definitely understandable given his history. hes essentially using the camus/murdoch aspect of undying loyalty and even borrows elements of the female camuses line of romantic interest in their liege however heavily implied it might be and applying that to a male playable character. Plus he just has some fun and interesting interactions with other characters in general.

Lorenz: I have difficulty saying whether i like him. on the one hand, he ended up being more multidimensional then i thought he was going to be with his internal conflict between keeping up appearances for the sake social status and societal order and his desire to pursue his own personal interests and ideals against the needs of his father and thus societal conventions. on the other hand, the game never really runs with this as much as it should and hes still treated as a bit of a joke character so... c+ to b? 

Ingrid: the token heterosexual of the blue lions whos still kinda gay anyways, her whole struggle with being a knight over a housewife seems a bit odd on the surface considering theres plenty of female knights and no one throws much of a fuss in universe, until you learn that it isnt so much that society expects her to do it as matter of course and more so that shes struggling with whether to pursue personal duty to her family or personal desires and ideals kinda like lorenz. in that respect she hits the mark a bit better then he does.

Raphael: kinda insubstantial but i liked him anyways, his sheer exuberance can be kinda refreshing in the games darker moments and hes got a few angles of his own such as his refusal to consider his parents deaths as part of a larger conspiracy so as to not hurt his friendship with ignatz nor ruin his own life and his sisters. plus hes just generally a nice guy. like a big huggable bear. just a shame that being a nice kinda dumb huggable bear is all thats really done with him.

Ignatz: his painting stuff and personal insecurities about wanting to do it over being a knight which his parents want him to do, more of that duty over desires and ideals thing again, is well enough and his probably misplaced guilt over raphaels misfortunes is definitely a highlight of him but he never really grabs as a character for some reason. probably because theres a lot of other characters in the game that hit those same marks and do it better then him.

Sylvain: has a lot of aspects that never really feel like they get proper follow up, his big thing is less womanizer and more so that he covers up his own mistrust and personal feeling by pretending to be a shameless flirt and philanderer. basically, maybe the emotional pain will go away if i flirt with girls and act the fool. but again there never really feels like theres any proper follow up for all this, others comment on it and then its more often then not dropped in story. hes fun enough but never really realized if that makes sense.

Caspar: shonen protagonist is kinda an apt word to describe him honestly, and that idealism of his clashes with the more grey on grey morality of the world hes within which is never a particularly bad direction to take the shonen bois in if done well like hunter x hunter. And he is done well, or at least satisfactorily to the point that hes another one i ended up liking more then i thought i would. his problem is more so that his interactions with most other characters in the main cast which feel duller then they should on most occasions.

Dorothea: probably gonna get a bit of shit for this, but i have no interest in her. her insecurities about her future and getting a good husband is well and interesting but manuela does that better honestly and outside of that dorotheas a bit... not shallow but hazy and insubstantial if you will. she obviously has appeal to people but like ignatz she failed to grab me in part because others did what she did and better within the game itself.

Ashe: soft boi chose to be soft instead of hard, one of the characters i found liking and one i expected to kinda like to begin with. in game he gets accused of being childish and naive a lot but i dont see it personally, hes not naive but more so tries to look for the best in people and in life like lonato did all those years ago for him. that said, the speed with which lonato dies damages his identity as a character a bit by happening before we really get a chance to feel for his relation to lonato, its not to big a bug bear as it doesnt hurt his character all that much but it does feel a bit frustrating.

Felix: teenage angst personified, his main gripes seem to be a distaste of warrior culture and its glorification of bloodshed and sacrifice but instead of approaching it with sadness or pacifism, he lashes out against what he feels is the unfairness of the world. hes not exactly wrong in his feelings and as a character it makes sense and works for his abrasive attitude, and its an interesting twist to the navarre type to have their isolation come not from stoicism nor sheer blood lust or a combo of the two but rather from a rage against the machine of society mindset.

Ferdinand: he got more interesting as i got farther along, and i personally feel he works the best as a character when going against edelgard since thats where more of his personal drama comes from. hes eager to succeed and prove himself worthy of his title over time and holds a chivalrous mindset very similar to others in the cast but his growth is less about learning how to hold onto those ideals in the face of reality for the sake of personal fulfillment but more so about learning to define himself by himself and not by societies needs. ultimately he comes to value chivalry not because its what people tell him to value but because he truly values it and i enjoy that. but its also why i feel he works better on other routes then edelgards since there hes still valuing himself not for himself but for the expectations society or edelgard in this case is placing him under, one tyrant for another in a sense. i admit i dont remember much about him on edelgards route though because i just like him more on the others.

Leonie: poorly timed support aside, she has an odd charm to her that a lot of modern fire emblem characters just dont have anymore. but knuckling past jeralt senpai shes an interesting blend of stingy and work effort that goes to inform itself and her relations to others. and like a lot of the golden deer she has a lackadaisical attitude of ‘i might not know what the fuck is happening, but i do know someone needs an ass whooping!’ and it works especially well in her case since her character is very attuned towards focusing more on her personal matters then the grand scheme of things because she has rent due in a few months. if she was in a more traditional fe set up she would definitely be a beowolf archtype that you need to pay to recruit. in fact im surprised thats not an option on other routes to begin with for her.

Hilda: honestly suprised me by not being a pure serra type. she has aspects of that on the surface with the selfish almost vain attitude towards life and others bur well serra is more about puffing herself up to hide insecurity and contribute towards a desperate desire for grand social status, Hilda downplays herself and her abilities due to living in her brothers shadow if unintentionally and seeing the stress it can bring. they’re both lazy and vain, on the surface anyways, always getting others to do their work for them but well serra seeks more social status to escape it hilda seeks less social status to escape it. plus it was kinda funny to see hilda act as claudes unofficial number 2 you could still recruit.

Lindhart: Sleepy boi needs a nap and thats kinda it really. exaggeration maybe but unlike a lot of characters in the game and the series as a whole he really doesnt have a reason to be there as a character. as a unit certainly but not a character, in terms of motivation anyways. He hates blood, fighting and violence, hed rather sleep or pursue personal interests then work or politics, hes insightful and intelligent but the important players in the plot have other advisers and hes not interested in stepping up in that regard anyways. his only real reason for being there is academic interest and even then a pin has to be put in that when war breaks out. hes not a bad character overall though, his sleepiness and insight make for an interesting double act along with his blunt mannerisms, i just have trouble pinning down motivations for him.

Mercedes: big team mom energy, which i suppose goes along with the whole being older then everyone thing. a bit dopey and airheaded at first glance shes one of the more receptive characters to how others are feeling and well she does try to nurture shes not above scolding if she feels it would help someone more then praise and reassurance. of course shes also very detached to events of the world mostly just there to help the people around her from the bottom rather then the top which is not an insult and more one of the things i find fascinating about her. it all makes for a very interesting character and one of my personal favorites of the cast.

Annette: overworker, issues with her dad, magic bubbly, and hits things with axes. a nice recipe of a character but it never feels as if the game can get it all to blend properly. more so to the point is that most of these elements work independently of each other and not to inform each other despite the games insistence. theres a lot of dramatic potential involving her father as well and though the game makes the best use of those aspects its not to the benefit of the rest of her character. it doesnt hurt her either though and she has some appealing dialogue with other characters.

Marianne: I had trouble getting to like her, perhaps more so then any other character among the other students. not because i hated her but because shes, well, very boring. alot of the characters in the game are into the self deprecation thing already and well her personality aspects of acting quite and submissive to fall into the background from a lack of self confidence it also feels like the game came up with two different explanations for it and couldnt settle on whether it was because of her adoptive fathers pressure or her families history and instead of weaving both together decided to use them interchangeably. Sometimes shes a wallflower because of her father and a lack of confidence to state her mind and self loathing over that lack of confidence, other times its because of her lineage and self loathing over her cursed history. never really at the same time.

Bernadetta: another odd favorite for me. recent support changes aside, the basic gist of her history remains the same in that her father was a tyrant in regards to her future which caused her to grow up with no confidence and a crippling fear of society, so shes already off to a good start as a character by basically doing mariannes schtik but better. well its hard for me to definitely say she ever grows past that as a character, thats fine in my opinion because her development is less stop being a recluse because society demands you dont and more so about making actual friends and learning that not all people are garbage fires just most of them. in most of her supports anyways. she just feels the most rewarding to interact with alright, and she was the one i always felt the most upset to mess up a speak thing with. Let us hug and stay inside watching cartoons together.

Petra: i went in wanting to like her and really liking her at first, but shes hit a middle of the road for me now. her speech gimmick wasn't particularly egregious and gets even less noticeable after the timeskip, but her actual character is a very straight forward ‘national pride demands independence’ package and doesnt really escape past that boundary all that much. its very understandable motivation, id even go so far as to say that shes the one with the best reasons to betray the empire of the black eagles characters, so like ferdinand i feel she works better outside of the black eagles in term of her own character identity and motivation/development as she finally stands up for her peoples right to exist on their own in an fe6 echidna kinda fashion. outside of that though shes... foreign to the other characters. thats kinda it.

Lysithia: as a unit she hits like a truck, as a character shes functional but hardly revolutionary for the series. i mean i did like her since i have a fondness for her archtype of weird magic prodigy poor social skills, but more so that she doesn't hit any particularly new notes in that regard. Shes a lot of lute, with some delthea childishness in her, some of sanakis sharper political wit and dark history, and a bit of miriels scientist on top. that said its all blended very nicely and she has some nice scenes for herself that got me to feel and care for her, some kinda adorable moments, and a history well woven into the games background and more so then most of the other deer and a lot of the other characters from across the houses in general. for a minor character anyways.

you may now all stone me to death.

now for some dnd asks for you!!!! 5, 8, 11, 15

dnd ask meme!~send me qs!~

5. What is your best dice set? I love All My Dice but my first set (chessix blue-green gemini) are probably my most blessed set, they roll high (mostly [that one time i rolled a 3,2, then 3 to climb a tree is still frustrating]) but also they were my first set and a gift and they always remind me of my first character and when I first started playing - which was a really important thing to me because it was something that brought me a lot of joy in a time i was seriously lacking it;;; anygay this got sentimental but those r probably my Best set (but fr tho i love all my dice so much theyre all Significant to me)

8. What does your dream dice set look like? This is a super hard question bc i dont think theres really One Set that would be like my Ideal set? Theres so many options out there and im very weak for a lot of them ( but gods i wish i could get my hands on those kraken cotton candy dice [im gon buy some kraken dice soon but those were limited edition so i guess ill die]) 

11. Have you ever rolled a natural 1? What happened? i have rolled so many nat 1s……. the dice goes into dice jail and is shamed for its villiany.. i trip and shoot myself in the foot instead of the enemy;; Bad Things Happen

15. What is your characters background story? I have seven characters that I play/have played and i know imma write an wild amount so im gonna put this under a cut!

Wren, elf rogue - Mines of Phandelver Wren was raised a member of the high elf House of Naïlo, but as a young girl grew tired of trying to garner the attention of parents who simply didn’t care about their daughter except as a prop for conversation. At the equivalent human age of 15, she ran away from home and made a new life for herself on the streets of Neverwinter. Wren spent the next several decades making her name as a criminal, and honing her skills in thievery, until she picked up a job at the local tavern that led her to her Biggest Adventure(god im so sentimental abt wren she really derailed shit and was such a dick but she was so fun i love her)

Eldan Caridalas, half elf sorcerer - Storm About To BreakEldan grew up in a small village, and went by his child name of Taryn (meaning thunder, inspired by his Wild Magic). He lived a happy childhood, with admittedly, some strange moments brought on by his unpredictable magic, but he got through any difficulties with his best friend and essentially soulmate, Alcea (played by another player in the group! shoutout to ash for working w me to make these beautiful kids lmao). When Eldan was around 14, he had another surge of wild magic,  but this one was far worse than all the others had been (when i was workshopping this with ash and dint know what exactly it was going to be yet we called it “The Big Bad”) - He had been speaking with alceas mother when all of a sudden an intense bolt of fire sprung from him, melting the skin off his left arm, and fatally wounding alceas mother. Eldan, unable to cope with what his supposed gift had done, fled the village without a word to anyone, and spent the next 14 years travelling the land, searching for a way to try and control his magic, to avoid hurting anyone ever again. Eldan eventually found his way to the entrance to the unexplored east lands where he ran into his childhood friend once again(eldan was such a Good boy im still sad about what happened to him he deserved better give me #justice for my boy)Reckoning, tiefling monk - one shot run by my friend claudio b4 he moved interstateReckoning was abandoned on the steps of a temple as a baby once her parents saw the devilish heritage in her. She was raised by monks in a temple to The Raven Queen, and she was trained and charged to become an assassin that took down those who went against the natural order of death. She was on her way to one such mission when she ran into a group of strangers in the woods and after promptly finding out one of them was (supposedly) claiming to be a false god, and pushing them into the nearby well, was lassooed and pulled down there with them to deal with the Creature within(will i ever make a not extra character? no.)Ari, human druid, fighter, and rogue (i know) - one shot battle royaleI was originally just going to make a level 15 barbarian for this one shot (rip ragna one day u might get played) but then i was like;; i may as well make the messiest multiclass i can Ari grew up with his older brother as his guardian, but then his brother was killed in a gang accident, and ari had to learn to fend for himself on the street. After many years of struggle, and losing a younger boy he had begun to think of as family, ari sought shelter in the forests, and had just started to discover the magic held within, when he was conscripted into a battle royale for the amusement of The Council Of ChickensRisk, dragonborn barbarian - Uni one shots (lower levels)Risk is aptly named - she’s willing to do most things others would blanch at for the right reward, which is how she ended up in a mercenary business. This is straight up all the backstory i have for risk that ive nailed down ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ shes hard to really conceptualise a good backstory for, esp bc i didnt know the world that the uni DMs had createdTrix, aasimar rogue - Uni one shots (higher levels)Trix practically raised herself, and by the guidance of her angelic counterpart, she was often driven to do things that left no time for friendship. Tired of living a life that wasn’t fully her own, she struck out to the wealthy area of the city to join the Planeswalkers guild, and has since become an initiate with her own housing in their extra planar facility, and does takes the odd mercenary work that comes her way from her new homeZiarda Lionheart, aasimar bard - Storm About To Breakafter what happened with eldan, i wanted to make a lighter, happier character - with a lot less emotional baggage, and so Ziarda was born. Ziarda has always been driven to do the right thing, and not just by her own morals - but those of her angelic guide. Ziarda was raised by a single mother, who taught her not only the value of beauty and joy in making the world a greater place, but also the practical application of music - in fact ziardas flute used to be her mothers. Ziarda left home at 19 on the will of her heavenly advisor, and joined a travelling carnival, where she could spread joy through her performances. She travelled with them for a few years before the travelled to the east to do a show for the soldiers guarding the entrance to relatively unexplored lands, where she was guided to join a band of weary adventurers in their efforts to stop a widespread cult from destroying civilisation. A lot of my characters backstories get more fleshed out the more i play them and have a better idea of what things could have shaped them to be the people they become? but this is their current Pre Adventure Lore

Yeehaw congrats if you made it this far ur insane i wrote so much i love my kids a lot heres a reward for reading all that, or i suppose, for scrolling to the bottom

Anyway thank u anya for givin me the chance to ramble abt my OCs i love them sm and i love You so much and everyday im so grateful that you gave me the opportunity to play this incredible game and to do the dumb cult joining, plan breaking stunts i pull

I just read a post that said "if you feel suicidal, you're convinced that you need to die. But it doesn't have to be that way. What it means theres something inside of you that needs to die - there's something you need to come to terms with.

I've been feeling like stabbing myself in the thigh or stomach and bleeding to death for months now. And I've been so busy wondering why I feel that way and where it began, that i just couldn't think of what to do about it. Instead of wondering why I feel that way, I should think about what I can do to feel better. i need to figure out the parts of myself that I don't like and want to kill of, so that living with myself feels more bearable and I can accept myself. So let me list out the things I hate about myself:

my sensitivity- I've been told over and over again about how I take everything too personally, and overreact a lot. I feel like others would be able to tolerate me more if that was reduced. I feel like I would have fewer issues in life, with everyone around me if I could just shut off the sensitivity factor. I think I would also be less of a burden and have fewer arguments

My inability to deal with feeling angry- i hate the fact that I can't deal with anger and that I either blow up or break down. I think its the one part of me that I truly hate. I wish I was more adept at dealing with it and managing it, because I dont think my methods are the healthiest. Anger is a secondary emotion- it comes from feelings of pain, betrayal or fear. And i never learnt how to process any sort of negative feeling or emotion.

My lack of energy- I constantly feel drained and incapable of doing anything. Any little thing takes a lot out of me. Leaving my house for even the briefest amount of time leaves me unable to study or be productive. I dont feel like speaking to anyone or socialising. I dont have the strength to keep a conversation going. I dont have the strength to think or make a decision. I feel so tired, i cant bring myself to do anything but keep my eyes open. I hate it.

My fear of abandonment- I feel like i constantly accept and take a lot of shit from people just because I dont want to lose them, and i think thats stupid of me. I should not value friendships more than my friends value me. It just leaves me taken advantage of, talked down to or used. I dont like feeling that way. I dont like feeling like I put in more effort than I am given. I dont like being manipulated. I want autonomy and free will. And with the amount of things taking away my free will - I'm fed up. I refuse to give people that satisfaction. I refuse to feel manipulated or like a puppet ever again. I would rather be alone than around people who dont value my opinions and feelings. But I'm also scared of them leaving me. Its not a pleasant boat to be stranded in..what keeps happening is that I always apologize. Because its always me in the wrong, so confrontations or talking about your emotions dont get you anywhere anyway. And my feelings are my own and im responsible for them, so others shouldnt have to deal with my outbursts and feelings. I should just deal with them and process them alone because no one else likes or wants to hear about it anyway, and i already am alone. So why does it make a difference if people leave? I want to learn how to let it go.

All of this is why I feel depressed and want to keep stabbing myself. Endlessly. The next bit is what I can do about it - how I can make myself feel better, right now.

cry (but I'm tired and fed up of crying)

stop taking shit from people (tried - doesnt work)

isolate and shut down from the universe (works while im shut off, but I feel drained the minute I start socialising

distract myself with music or shows (works as temporary relief)

eat chocolate (also temporary relief)

sleep (i cant fall asleep)

talk to someone about what i feel (everyone is too busy to listen to me, has their own life problems or doesn't want to).

let things go (i wish i knew how to)

relax and do something fun (i have exams)

hangout with friends (i have exams)

get drunk out of my mind (creates more problems than it solves)

stop crying, wash my face, listen to music, hope that tomorrow is a better day and fall asleep (usually works best).

Thanks for listening to me ramble. Lets hope number 12 works.